#but from my eah followers

[athena-xox]

No because as a crazy eah enthusiast I also want to be a crazy mh enthusiast in the fandom but like 🫠

Because one when I’m into something I want to be into something not just the casual fandom obsessed but like a I will plot out all of the inconsistent events and make a timeline separating every chapter, diary and webisode by the second, go through the whole entire show taking screenshots of all the locations to figured out a map down to the hallway, look at all the credits from every episode and go through everyone’s social media to see what they confirmed about the show, organize one whole place to find everything regarding the show for free online, and like I just have to completely understand the lore before I can really get into fandom things

And theres so much more media with monster high than ever after high and so many more inconsistencies. And I don’t want “oh it’s a kids show” or “they switched the writers” no I need to find some sort of in canon explanation

So like for monster high I don’t want to come up with that stuff all on my own because I’m sure there are people who do have answers/ theories for these but it’s so hard to find

And wherever I search for monster lore explanations and tidying for certain things the search is just flooded by filler posts that most certainly are not related to my search 😭😭

Like I feel for eah that because the fandom is so much smaller and starved (that maybe we resort to cannibalism) that it’s way easier to see lore posts. Like if you scroll down the eah tag a good portion of the posts are discussing lore but I can’t find anything for monster high

And then whenever I find a post discussing the lore I’m like omg this is so interesting!! And then it turns out it’s about g3. Like I’m definitely not a g3 hater but I just want to get into my childhood nostalgia / I also want the monster high knowledge for my ever after high timeline

[thelilylav]

“I take it back… come back to me.. please…”

- Apple watching over Briar after her story plays out (and trying not to kiss her)

My ref:

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

OMG RAVEN YOU’RE INTO EVER AFTER HIGH? I love it but can’t talk about it bc none of my friends have seen it 😭 I wish it was talked about more, especially with how deep their lore runs. I love EAH’s dynamics with the complexities of destiny. If twst followed the same logic as eah’s world it would be so interesting. How would you feel if the worlds were to mesh together and how it would work? You can interpret that in any way you want; the characters meeting or twst being bound to the same rules and societal expectations of eah, or whatnot.

Also who’s your favorite eah character compared to your favorite twst character (Leona)?Jade, right?

And have you read the eah books? I haven’t, but I’m going to try to sometime!

Eah alt account when?

I'm still salty that the Monster High x Ever After High crossover movie never saw the light of day-- Part of the reason why I don't like Disney (I mean the faceless corpo, not all Disney products) is because they have such a strong association with fairy tales that it pushes other interpretations out of the market or it leads to people assuming Disney "owns" those fairy tales. Ever After High's lore and themes run so much deeper than most other fairy tale reimaginings I've seen (and I've seen a lot). It's such a shame it doesn't get the respect and recognition it deserves even though EAH is the one out here challenging the status quo whereas modern Disney is content with mediocrity that appeals to the masses.

I think EAH and TWST, at their cores, share similar ideas so combining them would work well. Friendship, self-identity, defining your own future, questioning what "good" and "evil" truly are... It's all there. I'd imagine that if Twisted Wonderland (or at least NRC) followed the same rules as EAH, then everyone would be descendants of their Disney counterparts. (This is actually a common misperception of what TWST was to new fans; people mistakenly believe the TWST characters are children of the classic Disney villains. This has never been canon.) Unfortunately, I'd have to take away the Disney villains being twisted to be "good" guys in Twisted Wonderland's world in order for this to work by EAH rules, so... There's that to consider. This, in turn, can result in the student body splitting into Royals (pro-following one's destiny) and Rebels (anti-following one's destiny). Perhaps RSA and NRC could be one school in this AU...? Just so we have a mix of "good" and "evil" descended children in the same vicinity as one another. A must-have are the constantly bickering Narrators!! It's only really when Yuu shows up that the majority opinion starts to shift. Maybe then Crowley becomes concerned with students rising up and fighting back against the system that relies on them being complacent to keep the cycle of stories going. I've seen some readings of EAH which theorize that Royals guaranteed a happy ending is a stand-in for privilege, and that interpretation leads into very interesting conflicts when we also consider that magic in Twisted Wonderland is a privilege afforded to few.

To cover just the dorm leaders (because covering all the TWST characters would make this post way longer), I definitely see Riddle, Kalim, Idia, and Malleus as Royals and Leona, Azul, and Vil as Rebels. Here's my thought process:

Riddle is pretty self-explanatory. He comes from a background where he's used to being told what to do by his mother and so he also heavily relies on her strict, unyielding teachings to play by the book when he goes out there in the real world. Riddle is inflexible and hesitant to go against the grain--and, more importantly, he fully believes that following the rules will lead to his happiness... that doing as his fairy tale ordains will lead to a happy ending. What happens to the Queen of Hearts is dubious in the end since it's framed as Alice's dream, so I think that vagueness gives Riddle hope that by behaving himself, he'll earn the happiness he desires.

Leona is a Rebel, and not just because that's the aesthetic of his dorm. Being that he is highly intelligent and demonstrates a lot of foresight, he'd be aware of what future is in store for him and aggressively fighting against that. It would make him more desperate than ever to prove his worth, because not only does everyone see his powers as terrifying, but they also see him as a future brother murderer and dictator that will bleed the land dry of resources. It'd make the situation with his family even more strained than it already is, not to mention the extra jealousy he must feel toward Cheka, who is still too young to understand what's going to happen later.

Azul is someone who acts like a Royal but is actually a Rebel. He acts polite and like he plays by the rules, but clearly he doesn't behind the scenes. I see Azul as the kind of Rebel akin to Duchess Swan... as in, he believes he can steal away someone else's destiny for himself. Azul would constantly be looking for loopholes to save himself. He's put way too much stock into becoming a better, stronger person and he'd want to defend this new life he has made for himself. His obsession with protecting his contracts could translate well here.

Kalim is a Royal because he's mega rich and has been sheltered from the concept of bad things that happen to normal people; he has nothing to worry about. It also helps that Kalim is twisted from a character that doesn't meet a bad ending. I think he'd be aware of Jami's doomed destiny, but Kalim is so ignorant that he thinks it'll just be fine and it'll work itself out. Part of his growth could be being forced to reckon with the reality that Jamil is suffering under the legacy assigned to him and accepting the role that he plays in that by not acting.

Idia is a Royal--or at least pre-book 6 Idia is. He's a very pessimistic guy and repeatedly expresses hopelessness about the future, bemoaning the curse he and his family have to bear. Idia doesn't want to try to fight his fate, he's already accepted that it will happen and so closes himself off from others to save himself that heartbreak. Post-book 6 Idia will have swapped over to the Rebel side thanks to Ortho reviving the hope in him.

Vil is a Rebel simply for the fact that he fights social conventions. He's already out here shattering gender roles, but finds it much harder to breach that expectation that villains are just villains and nothing more. Vil keeps getting rejected at every turn, told that it's impossible to rewrite his story, that his frustrations are the natural result of jealousy and an ugly heart that festers in side of him. He steels himself to prove that notion wrong, working himself to the bone to get up on that stage and stay on it, waiting to be lavished with praise that he truly is the fairest one of all. I feel this would be so fascinating for Vil's own arc about self acceptance; maybe he wears himself down emotionally because he HAS to basically be perfect due to his job but also denies himself normal feelings like anger and jealousy because confessing that you have such "ugly" feelings only validates that you're shallow just like the stories say you will be.

Malleus is a tough one, but I settled for Royal in the end. Maleficent is doomed to be slain by a sword, right? So am I saying that THE Malleus Draconia, who is infamously arrogant about his magical abilities, would lie down and take a stab like that? Of course not! However, I do think that Malleus is initially someone who values tradition and living up to noblesse oblige. As the future ruler of a nation, people's stories are relying on him to play his expected role out, which he'd be fully cognizant of. I also think Malleus would be afforded the luxury of not having to face his destiny as soon as his peers are due to his long life span. This is in part because the person destined to slay him doesn't come into his life for literally hundreds of years. Then when book 7 arrives, Malleus has to deal with his loved ones leaving and/or betraying him as well as the realization that this is his destiny: dying alone and unloved. That'd just break him.

ahdbiqwdbqwli I COULD TALK ABOUT THIS AU FOR FOREVER BUT I'LL CUT IT SHORT OR ELSE I'LL NEVER SHUT UP 😭

EAH has so many good characters and interesting storylines, it's hard for me to pick a favorite! I of course love Apple and Raven's dilemmas, but I feel like it's cheating to pick one of them as my favorite. The whole Wonderland gang is also fantastic... I'm a sucker for their aesthetic, but they're so fun and silly in general. Kitty, Lizzie, and especially Madeline are 👌

Mmm, when I think long and hard about it, I think my favorite EAH character has to be Briar Beauty, daughter of Sleeping Beauty. Firstly, I love all the pink, roses, and bramble in her design. Secondly, I love the layers to why she is the way she is. Briar's a party girl not because "lmao, wouldn't that be a funny haha subversion of Sleeping Beauty" but because she wants to live life up before she falls asleep for 100 years and literally loses all her friends and family to the natural passage of time. That's seriously so smart and such an inventive way to think about the trauma a descendant of Sleeping Beauty might have. Seeing Briar transition from one of Apple's besties and biggest supporters to an outright rebel is satisfying as heck. (Gotta take a moment to shout out this classic moment :3)

I don't know if I would compare Briar to Jade since they're entirely different characters. However, looking at the source material, I'm actually surprised I like Briar as much as I do since I have never cared for the story of Sleeping Beauty. A part of me finds this ironic since Malleus harbors a similar fear as Briar (losing loved ones) yet I see Malleus's desire as way more selfish and self-serving than Briar's. I believe that's because Briar doesn't have the same arrogance as Malleus, so I'm more forgiving with her. EAH's actual equivalent to Malleus is Faybelle, daughter of the Dark Fairy, but I don't like her as much as I do Briar (hence why I'm comparing Malleus and Briar, not Malleus and Faybelle).

I haven't read the EAH books but I want to one day! I'd prefer to borrow them since I don't have enough space in my room for more physical books, so as soon as I find copies at a library or something...

This blog has kind of become a place where I occasionally talk about my other interests, generally as it relates to TWST, my main interest. I'd like to keep it like this since managing multiple blogs can be so draining. It already takes quite a bit of time to regularly write responses to asks just on one blog!

[champion-of-love]

i know that the eah books frame apple, briar and blondie as the 'main' royal trio and ashlynn is sometimes the plus one. then the webisodes sort of switches blondie and ashlynn's positions which i think makes it so much better.

here's my reasoning. boling it down to the basics, apple and blondie's future stories are both short tragedies followed by a long happy ever after. apple gets three trials from the evil queen and essentially gets poisoned for a week and her survival is ensured through all of it. blondie's story with the bears takes less time than that. heck, blondie barely suffers through it. the bears go more tragedy than her.

but briar and ashlynn's stories are much more darker and tragic than those two combined. briar falls asleep for a hundred years. when she wakes up, all her family, her siblings, her friends and everyone she's ever known are gone are long gone. she's displaced from her own time and saddled with a prince she has never met before. ashlynn's going to lose her mother and then her father and then has to suffer through years of abuse from her stepfamily and she just has to bear it. she's going to have lose to lose contact with her friends and break up with her boyfriend and go through all of it alone with just birds and mice to talk to. they both have to make it through so much hardship before they get their happily ever after.

(their ever afters aren't even 100% happy. when ashlynn gets her ever after, she'll eventually go through the last part of her cinderella story and knows that she won't live long enough to see her child reach adulthood. briar knows her child will be cursed too and she'll have to accept the fact that there's going to be that event where her child will fall asleep for a hundred years. they won't be dead, but it's close to a parent burying their own child. since snow whites aren't related to the evil queens in the world of ever after, only apple gets a perfectly happy ending to her story)

the webisodes deciding to surround apple with ashlynn and briar makes apple look so much more naive with her way of thinking. the extreme contrast with her path to her happily ever after compared to her 'bffs' portrays apple as someone who doesnt' think about other people's stories and just focuses on her own. the lack of compassion from apple (and other royals) towards ashlynn and briar is even enough to make ashlynn and briar rebel. apple's blinding excitement toward her future clashes extremely with ashlynn and briar's anxious dread towards theirs.

surrounding apple with briar and blondie just doesn't give the same effect.

in contrast to the royal side, there's the 'main' rebel trio where you have raven, maddie and cedar. maddie and cedar are happy with their stories and like where they end up. raven doesn't. rightly so because her fate isn't a happy one. but maddie and cedar feel so much love for their friend that they're willing to throw away their destinies, their potential happiness in the hope of being able to help her. they're willing to risk their happily ever afters so raven won't ever have to suffer.

what an interesting comparison between two groups when one is descirbed to be 'good' and the other as 'bad' when it's definitely the other way around.

the webisodes may be just marketing for the dolls but they do make some incredibly fantastic writing choices.

[seu1gily]

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[macfrog]

ace sex on fire chapter six

this entire chapter is me making up for 1. the golfing line in chapter two, and 2. joel's entire experience of tlou2. naughty dog i'm waiting for ur response. 24 hours to reply

pairing: ceo!joel x fem!reader

summary: joel takes you on a day trip to go golfing. it turns out to be more fun than you expected

warnings: 18+ (minors dni!!!) golf. idk what else to say. age gap (reader is late 20s, joel late 40s), workplace relationship, imbalanced power dynamic, more sugardaddy!joel, discussions of pregnancy + reader perhaps not wanting children, sort of possessive!joel?, praise kink, unprotected piv car sex, daddy kink, exhibitionist fantasy, creampie, more teasing + flirting, angst + pining, alcohol consumption, cursing

word count: 9.7k

series masterlist | main masterlist | playlist

“Good girl. He there?” The image of Daniel flits across your vision, bright blue eyes trained on you. He looks…intrigued, and stunned. He’s not breaking his stare. “Mhm,” you say again, and start to lift off of Joel. “He watching?” “Y-eah,” you choke out, bouncing steadily. “Put on a show for ‘im, pretty girl. Show him what you do for me.”

The cab squeaks to a halt right outside the office, dropping you at the bottom of the concrete steps leading up to the revolving door. There are already bodies filtering in and out of the building, despite how early it is.

You thank the driver – Mick, you’ve come to learn. He seems to run this route on weekday mornings; it’s always him who shows up at your apartment when you can’t be bothered to walk to work, or miss the damn bus. Mick tosses a thumbs up over his shoulder and you swing out into the brilliant sun.

It’s Thursday. You’ve been home sixty-five hours, by your count. Joel gave you a couple days after landing stateside to catch up on sleep, readjust. He’d gone back to work Tuesday morning, though, 8AM sharp. Martha had text to ask where you were, and had sent six laughing emojis back when you replied with, How the fuck is he back already?

You make the climb up the steps, back to work, back to normality. It drags like a weight at your heels, the thought of returning to that gray office after three days wandering around picture-perfect, painted-pink Paris. After three days of Joel.

That split-open feeling, the cavity between your ribs – it’s sewn itself up since you got back to your own apartment, your own space. Since you showered a couple times, washed your clothes, started smelling like yourself again instead of Joel. Its sutures are made from the sound of the subway squealing to a halt, the smell of Chinese takeout from the place across the street.

But there’s a tiny piece of you, small enough to stay hidden from even yourself sometimes, that you know misses it. Misses…him. It only hurts when you touch it – the sewn-up scar, messy in your frantic attempts to close it up – it aches when you remember his hands on your waist whenever you wanted them there, his lips below your ear whenever you needed him.

As you approach the glass doors, you hear a whistle from behind, and turn to watch Joel slip out of his Rolls and jog up the steps. There’s a sports bag hanging from his left hand.

“Am I a dog?” you ask when he reaches you.

“It was an endearin’ whistle.”

“Very endearing. Don’t do it again.”

He nods once. “Yes, ma’am. Feelin’ awake yet?”

“Almost.” You follow him into the building, clicking along the polished marble floor at his side. “You didn’t waste any time getting back into the swing of things, I hear.”

You both nod good morning to the receptionists, and Joel hits the button to call the elevator.

“I’m an important man, baby,” he says, shrugging. “My job ain’t just answerin’ the phone ‘n making coffee.”

You scoff, slapping his back as he leads you through the sliding doors, which closer over and shut you both into your first moment of privacy in almost seventy hours. Joel immediately turns to face you, words behind his eyes that he can’t seem to sort into a coherent sentence.

In what you hear as an attempt to summarize, he says: “Back to reality.”

You brush the shoulders of his blazer, tug on his tie to straighten it. It’s the most you can bring yourself to do that doesn’t involve throwing yourself at him. There’s a throbbing right below your chest, like a magnet tugging you towards the man stood in front of you. Touching the padded shoulder of his suit will have to do. For now.

You lift your eyebrows, staring at the knot of his tie. “Yep.”

It’s pretty reductive, Back to reality. But then, what else is there to say? What else that wasn’t said between your bodies in Paris? A line was crossed there – you both went somewhere you can’t come back from so easily. And moving forward the way you had been before, seems equally as impossible.

There are eyes on you here. There are people who care to know what might be going on – whether they like it or not doesn’t matter. No more strutting out onto the terrace, running your hands all over one another, connecting skin and tongue in ways you wouldn’t have dreamt up two weeks ago.

No. This stays secret. A secret between you, Joel, and the French skies.

Joel places a hand on the small of your back as the elevator doors whip open. He ushers you out, and then, once in view of Martha’s desk, sidesteps to an appropriate distance.

“Welcome back,” your colleague greets you as you approach her desk. “Missed you, kid.”

You smile coyly. “Thanks,” you mumble. Guilt isn’t the easiest of emotions to hide.

Joel taps your arm gently and then nods towards his office. “Catch-up,” he says, and Martha rounds her desk to follow after him.

You drop your jacket and purse over the back of your chair and slip in behind them, leaning back on one of Joel’s leather couches with your arms crossed.

“Alright,” Martha sighs, “few things needing done this morning. First…”

You take a deep breath and slump down until your ass sits comfortably on the couch cushion, your knees draped over the arm, cradled inside your elbows.

Joel notices, and smirks to himself. He dials into his voicemail, hits a button, and a familiar voice echoes from his desk.

“Hey, Joel,” Drew’s voice says, “hope you enjoyed Paris ‘n aren’t still too hungover. I know what Jean-Marc’s like…”

Martha moves to the next bullet point, tilting her pad and tapping the tip of her pen to some messy scrawling you can’t read. You nod, eyes flitting up to watch Joel.

“Just wanted to check in and make sure you’re still good for later. S’posed to be a good day for it. Let me know if you need any help with directions. Alright. Looking forward to seeing you two soon. Cool.”

The machine cuts. Joel sits back in his chair, rests his heels on the wood in front of him. Black, shiny, ridiculously expensive shoes crossed over on top of a black, shiny, ridiculously expensive desk.

“…now, Ken needs to receive this as soon as possible, alright? I said I’d have it done by end of day yesterday – I did not, so I need you to –”

“Who’s you two?” you ask Joel, peering over Martha’s notepad.

He looks up, tossing a rubber band ball in his hands. “You ‘n me, darlin’.”

“I’m sorry,” Martha declares, “am I talking to myself–?”

You push her notepad out of your view, still staring at Joel. “What do you mean, you ‘n me?”

Martha drops her hands with a sigh. You repeat your question.

“Us,” Joel says, hint of irritation in his voice like you’re supposed to be in on something. “We’re goin’ golfing with him.”

“We’re going golfing?”

Martha, now exasperated, swings the pad under her bicep and crosses her arms over her chest, makes something of a growling noise. “You two are unbeliev…Are you listening to me?” she demands, clicking her fingers in front of you.

“No,” you reply simply, eyes locked on Joel’s.

His lips curve with a soft laugh. “You ain’t read your emails?” he asks.

Your head darts between him and Martha. Bewildered. “I was catching up on sleep, thank you very much,” you assert, nodding with finality at the blonde updo hovering over you.

You know she cares about you – at least enough to water your monstera deliciosa while you were gone – but Martha can be sharp; her outspokenness is something to admire and to fear, in one small five-foot-three frame.

She snorts, glancing over to Joel with a disbelieving shake of her head, but he doesn’t take her up on it. Just looks at her blankly and then turns back to you.

“We’re meeting Drew up at Aspen Heights. Few of his buddies are in town, he wanted to introduce ‘em to me.”

“And I’m coming – why?”

“Because he met you last week, musta liked you, ‘n he invited you.”

Your mouth opens to reply, some retort to bring into question the need for your presence at a fucking round of golf, when Joel and his words cut yours short in your throat.

“And I want you there with me.”

Martha raises her eyebrows when you look up at her. The thing is: this all seems very normal, from her perspective. You did such a good job at keeping Joel right in Paris, didn’t you? He made his flight there on time, he met with Jean-Marc without a hitch, and he was actually an hour early for his flight home.

That last part was because you’d woken up with the sun and couldn’t get back to sleep, so you woke him, too and…well. Kept each other busy until you physically couldn’t anymore. There wasn’t much point hanging around in the hotel suite when your cases were packed and your bodies were…fragile, so you left for the airport.

To her ignorant eyes – and bless her – this is all just networking. It’s you building work relationships, Joel at the helm overseeing everything and setting it all up for you. This is clear – that that’s all she thinks – when she says:

“He’s doin’ you a favor, sweetheart. You should go.”

“I don’t even have any golfing gear. I’m in suit trousers.” Your eyes trail down your black pinstripe pants, legs dangling from the arm of the couch.

“And you look fantastic,” Joel quips, though you know he’s half-serious, “but you do gotta find somethin’ more…” he waves a hand, “…golf.”

“Something more golf. That’s helpful.”

“Here,” he says, stretching into his back pocket. His hips lift from the seat of his chair, and your eyes land on the space just south of his belt buckle. He pulls his credit card from his wallet – the same one you could probably recite the numbers of by heart at this point – and holds it out. “Go grab somethin’ nice. My treat.”

My treat. Like he didn’t treat you all damn weekend.

You pull yourself up and take the card from his fingers.

“’n what about my list?” Martha asks.

Joel shrugs. “Ken can wait one more day. You got two hours,” he tells you, and then sits up straight, rubber band ball placed safely next to his Newton’s cradle. “I’ll have Rand take you.”

You follow Martha out of Joel’s office when his phone starts ringing and his head falls into his hands, letting you both know it’s not a call you want to be around to hear. As he lifts the handset, he lightly calls your name, and you exchange a sly smirk as you slip out the door.

Martha wanders off behind her own desk as you pull your purse over your shoulder. She loads her computer back up, chin lifting as she squints through her glasses at the screen.

“There’s a golf shop downtown,” she tells you, two index fingers tapping away on the keys. “Alan uses ‘em. Don’t think they’re too expensive, either. Wouldn’t know for sure, though, he spends so damn much anytime he’s in there.”

You watch her for a moment, nodding along. “Thanks, Martha.”

She holds up a finger as you walk past her desk toward the elevator. “Remember you still got my to-do list to tackle, so don’t be long!”

----------

Rand drops you on a quiet side street. He gives you his number, tells you to text him once you’re done, and the sleek black car rolls off.

On the corner sits Ace’s Pro Golf, a small, charming store, peeling wooden front painted fern green with golf-themed decals decorating the windows. You set off inside, passing under two transparent putters crossed over one another on the window above the door. An old brass bell rings out from overhead when you enter.

Its exterior is misleading. This store is huge. Overwhelmingly huge. Walls stacked with bags, clubs dangling from pegs. Baskets of balls and tees and other accessories dotted all over the creaky wooden floors, which are lined with racks upon racks of golfing clothes – shirts, trousers, dresses, skirts.

“Oh, fuck,” you breathe, edging towards the rails.

You slip between them, hand running along the multicolored choices, when your phone starts to ring, vibrating somewhere deep in your purse.

“Hey, Mom,” you mutter, slipping your cell between your cheek and your shoulder as you begin to search through the shirts in front of you.

“Hey, baby,” her voice sings to you. “Wasn’t expecting to catch you, thought you’d already be at work. Where you at?”

You sigh. “I’m shopping. Joel’s taking me golfing later.”

She almost chokes down the line. “Golfing?”

“Yeah. It’s this friend he went to school with, I met him at lunch last week. There’s a few of ‘em going, so he asked me along, too.”

“Nice guy. So, you’re shopping for an outfit?”

“Mhm.”

“Any…dress code?”

“Dress code?” You straighten up, switching the phone to your other ear. “Like, golfing gear? I dunno.”

She laughs. “Alright.”

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing! Nothing, baby.”

“Meant something, Mom. Tell me.”

“No, I just…” She sighs. “You’re sure this isn’t, like…It sounds an awful lot like a date. Like, you’re going on Joel’s arm.”

You’re silent. You suck in a deep breath, fixing an order of words in reply, when your mom cuts in again.

“I bet I’m way off. Forget I said anything.”

“Yeah, gross,” you refute, metal hangers squealing against the rail when you unfreeze. ��No. Not a date. It’s, like, networking, or whatever.”

Mom snorts. “Right. Exactly.”

“Not – a date,” you repeat.

You’re relieved when she changes the subject. “Show me what you’re looking at.”

You huff, pulling the phone down and switching to FaceTime. In a second, your mom’s bright, swollen cheeks and ringlet curled hair are on the screen, and she flashes you a pearly smile.

“Was thinking maybe this…?” You angle the phone to show her a navy-blue polo shirt. “And then a white skirt?”

“Nah,” she cuts, and you flip your camera back to your face.

“What’s wrong with it?”

“Too blue. You look better in neutrals. Try beige or brown. Boring colors, y’know? Blend into the walls.”

You hiss something she doesn’t need to hear under your breath and then follow it up with a slightly more polite, “Screw you.”

Her image on your screen shakes violently with how hard she laughs at herself. “I’m messing with you. You know you’ll look beautiful no matter what you choose. Wait a second, though – can you even golf?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever touched a golf club in my life.”

“Thought as much. Does Joel know you’re about to embarrass him like this?”

“He’s aware.”

“Please get him to take some videos. I gotta see this.”

“You know what,” you grumble, holding back your own laughter now, “I’m hanging up. You just solidified your place in the nursing home, you know that?”

She’s still laughing, words pushing through her cackles in desperate punches. “Wait, wait! I gotta tell you why I called you.”

“Alright, go. Thirty seconds.”

“Riley’s pregnant.”

Your face screws up. Lips curl upside down into a grimace. “Oof. Good…good for her…?”

Your mom throws her head back with a roar of laughter. “Be more enthusiastic about it. A little niece or nephew for you!”

“’s more like a…second cousin, or whatever. I bet Aunt Rose is over the moon.”

“She called me screaming this morning. I just thought you’d like to hear, being that you’re in a permanent state of baby fever.”

“Ha,” you state, blank expression never changing. It causes her to erupt into another fit of giggles. “That’s nice, I guess. For Riley. Tell her I said congrats.”

“I will. And I’ll leave out the part where you almost threw up. Alright, I’ll let you go. Good luck golfing. Come back with a hot millionaire boyfriend, maybe! Love you!”

“Yep. ‘kay. Love you. Love you, too – ‘kay – bye – bye, Mom.”

You hang up mid-laugh and her caramel cheeks disappear from the screen. You drop your phone back into your purse and slot the navy-blue polo under your arm, spinning to the rail behind you to find a skirt to go with it.

Riley, pregnant. That’s fucking insane. You two used to spend entire summers riding your bikes around your hometown, spending all of your allowance down at the mall. You swear you’re not old enough to have babies yet. Swear you’re not even old enough to be out of Mom’s house, living on your own in the city.

But then here you are, five years in, making a mental note to buy a baby gift for your cousin, on top of the pre-existing ones reminding you to message that girl who lived across the street when you were kids to say, Congrats on your engagement, and pick up a new home card for your two friends who are on their third mortgage.

Your mom finds it funny – always has. The instant repulsion you feel, the way you recoil whenever you’re asked about kids, about a partner, about a three-bed-two-bath in the suburbs with a big yard and good school nearby.

You don't think any of it's for you. And that’s fine, and every time you skate over the topic, your mom tells you it’s fine. It’s fine. It’s –

“Can I help you, ma’am?”

“Oh,” you snap out of your daydream, clutching a white skirt in your hands, “sorry. I’m sorry. No, I’m good, thanks. Sorry.”

The assistant smiles kindly and nods. Then he spins on his heel and waltzes off, disappearing behind a cardboard cutout of a golfer mid-swing.

It’s not lost on you, by the way – what your mom said. Sounds an awful lot like a date. You’d be lying if you said it hadn’t also crossed your mind. Joel, wanting you there with him. Giving you his card to buy somethin’ nice, which, after the last week, you translate roughly as: something I’ll like. Something he’ll see, and his second thought will be ripping it off your body.

His first thought will be what you’d look like taking it off for him.

And for that reason, you slip the short skirt under your arm beside the polo, and head across the store to find some more stuff to waste Joel’s money on.

----------

Rand pulls up by the curb a few yards down from Ace’s, where you’re sat on a bench enjoying an ice cream. He rolls the window down and lowers his black sunglasses.

“You bein’ paid for this?” he asks, grinning.

You nod, gleeful. “By the hour. Want an ice cream?”

He snorts when you hold Joel’s black card up between two fingers, tilting it in the sunlight. And then he puts the car in park, climbs out, and jaunts over to the ice cream cart by your bench.

He orders a three-scoop cone, and you nod in approval when he sits down alongside you, unbuttoning his suit jacket.

“Respect it,” you say, cheersing your own half-finished cone against his.

----------

When you get back to work, Joel’s already changed into a crisp, clean golfing outfit. It weakens your knees a little when you saunter into his office.

A long-sleeved, dark polo shirt that shows off every curve and flex of his toned arms, paired with gray, just-tight-enough trousers. And pristine white shoes so sharp and clean you’d swear he’d had them polished just for the occasion.

You ignore the way your head lightens at the sight of him and throw yourself into the chair to his right, white back from Ace’s falling between your ankles.

“Alright, Tom, thanks for lettin’ me know,” he says, arms folded, sat back against his desk. He leans back, places the phone back in its cradle, and looks you up and down. “Have fun?”

You shrug, leaning forward to pick a piece of lint from his thigh. “Didn’t know what to get for the most part, so there’s probably stuff I don’t need in there.”

He squints down at his cell phone. “Like, uh…Duke’s Scoops?”

You stare back at him, mirroring his cheeky smirk. Your leg swings, arms cross over your chest, covering the way your breath falters. He’s seen the transactions.

“You gonna grudge me three dollars on an ice cream, Miller?”

“Six fifty,” he mutters, glancing down at his phone again to double check. His tongue runs across his top lip. You want to replace it with yours. “So…that’s at least two ice creams, pretty girl.”

“It’s a hot day. Rand deserved something to cool down. We sat on a bench in the shade ‘n had a nice chat. He taught me how to swing. Verbally,” you add, when Joel’s eyebrows lift.

“Taught you how to swing,” he echoes, and you nod.

“Did you know he used to compete? Junior league?”

He pouts his bottom lip. “Mighta come up in the, what, fifteen years since I met him?”

You beam in reply, standing up and hooking your fingers through the string handles of your shopping bag. “I’m gonna go get changed now.”

“Could just get changed in the car on the way, ‘s a thirty-minute drive.”

You lean in close, eyes flitting over to Martha’s desk to make sure she’s not watching. Your lips brush softly against his ear. “I don’t wanna take any time away from other stuff we could get up to,” you murmur, and Joel’s hand locks around yours, attempting to pull you back as you skip off.

“Be right back,” you call, letting the door fall shut on his suggestive smirk, his tight trousers, and the hard bulge beneath them.

You return five minutes later in your getup. Joel has much the same reaction as you did with him, though he’s not half as good at hiding it. He sits upright in his chair, fingers tight around the armrests.

“Uhuh,” he says, eyes diving to your legs and then resurfacing somewhere around your chest. “Let me just –” he leans over to his phone, “– call Drew, let ‘im know we ain’t comin’…”

“Shut up,” you scoff. “Looks good, though, right?”

Joel’s eyes are still trained on your bare thighs, one crossed over the other. “Looks…better than good.”

You bat your eyelashes. “Still mad about the ice cream?”

“No, ma’am. Not mad at all.”

He stands, slinging both his bag and yours over his shoulder, and walks around his desk to meet you. You give him one final warning.

“You know I’ve never played golf before, right?”

“I know,” he affirms.

“So…bringing me is kinda pointless. I am not gonna bring anything worthwhile.”

“You in that outfit,” Joel mutters – and as he passes by, he makes sure to brush his swollen crotch up against your ass – “makes it worthwhile already.”

----------

Aspen Heights is a hundred and fifty-acre course, vibrant green fairways rolling over hilly land laid out like crinkles in a sheet of green felt. Rand drives slowly up to the clubhouse, gravel crackling under the tires of the Rolls as you and Joel lean over to stare at the landscape – the unkempt, sprawling wild plants guarding the pristine course, the bunkers like giant splotches of white paint on the grass.

You turn back and look to Joel, brows knitting in an expression which could be translated as amazement, could be intrigue, or could simply be: What the fuck are we doing here?

He mirrors it, shaking his head. And it makes you laugh.

“What?” he asks, smiling.

“You could buy this place, easy. Don’t act like you don’t fit in.”

“If you think I fit in here,” he grunts, getting out of the now parked car, “you think very highly of me, angel.”

He doesn’t deny that he could afford to buy it.

The clubhouse is…much the same. Huge, grand, surrounded by a wide-open porch and fronted by a dome-shaped room, paneled by windows that reflect the scene before them.

You follow Joel’s lead, climbing the steps to the double doors by his side, staying close enough that he can guide you with a bump of his arm against yours, but far enough apart that it doesn’t look like you’re showing up together.

Inside, you follow two smartly-dressed attendants through to a room finished in dark oak, shining wooden floors under bare-bulb light figures, a solid marble bar in the center and six perfectly symmetrical high tables surrounding it.

You glance nervously around the room. Drew’s stood over by the windows with three other men – a tan guy with a white baseball cap on, fluorescent orange polo buttoned up to his neck, a shorter guy with tight black curls, fiddling with the cap of a bottle of water, and finally, a guy with dark hair combed within an inch of its life into perfect place, shoulders almost ripping through his blue polo. He looks like he’s been copy-pasted straight from a magazine called Golf Weekly, or something.

Joel takes one step across a patterned rug and Drew notices you both. He breaks off from the group.

“Hey, man.” He grins at Joel and leans over to shake his hand – well, it’s more of that slap-hand thing. They slap each other’s palms, fingers lock, one quick shake of the wrists together, and then a nod of the head. You know?

Then he leans over to you, kisses your cheek. “Sorry it’s just us guys,” he says, hand on your arm. He looks over to the three men by the window, now looking out over the course and pointing. “My girlfriend was supposed to be joining us, but she got called in to work. You two woulda gotten along, you ‘n Rach.”

You smile warmly. “That’s okay. Thanks for asking me.”

“You play much?” Drew asks, leading you both over to the windows.

You shake your head and Joel breathes a laugh.

“Total beginner,” you admit.

Drew bats a hand. “We’ll show you the ropes. This is, uh, this is Steve,” he points to Fluorescent Orange, “Caleb,” Water Bottle holds his hand out to shake yours, “and that’s Daniel.”

Up close, Daniel’s handsome. Sharp jawline, shadowed by the beginnings of stubble, a dimple in the center of his chin. He steps forward, holding a hand out, and you take it. His palm engulfs yours and squeezes – soft but sure. And then you pull away.

The men all nod to Joel, who probably nods back from behind you, and then catches you gently in his arm, cradling it around your back out of view of the others.

“We’ll be getting started soon,” Drew says, “they’re just fixing up a few buggies for us.”

Joel nods, lets go of you, and crosses his arms. You knot your hands awkwardly at your waist. He stays right by your side, though, which you’re grateful for. The last thing you need is another Jean-Marc, some cloaked assistant swooping you off away from the comfort of Joel.

“How’s business, Joel? Drew was tellin’ us about some deal you’re tryna nail.”

Daniel’s eyes are sharp, cerulean blue drilling deep into the warm brown of Joel’s, which calmly stare back. He looks a little younger than Joel, maybe on the cusp of forty, only a few light strands of grey through his deep brown fringe. There’s no wedding ring on his finger. You don’t know why you’re even looking at that.

Joel doesn’t reveal much in the way of answers. Typical of him – or typical of the Joel he is to the rest of the world. “Yeah, ‘s good. Just takin’ my time, we’re workin’ on it.”

Daniel nods, maybe a little too enthusiastically. He crosses his arms, biceps bulging, and then rounds on you.

“You gotta be run off your feet, chasing after him all day, huh?”

You tilt your head toward Joel. “He keeps me busy, yeah.”

Daniel leans into you, laughter crooning from his lips. It wobbles you a little, forces you one step nearer Joel’s side. You smile back, as pleasant as you can muster the courage, and he eventually leans away.

Before he can ask another question, Drew’s calling you all over to the sliding patio doors. Daniel hops back a step, nods to you, and says, “After you.”

“Thanks, Dan,” Joel cuts, stepping into the space the blue-eyed man had left specifically for you, sweeping you off as he goes.

----------

There isn’t anything about golf that intrigues you. Not even remotely. You’ve never watched it, never wanted to play it – the most you’ve dabbled in it is minigolf, and even that became a fucking bore after two anniversary dates in a row there with Blake.

Still, you watch patiently and politely as the men take their shots one by one, starting with Drew, all the way through to Daniel, who gives his driver a quick shine with a gloved hand before stepping up. On your left, Joel scoffs quietly to himself.

Daniel swings back, and his biceps swell under the tight sleeves of his shirt. You watch as his arms follow through, sending the ball hurtling through the air and well past its three predecessors.

Joel nudges your elbow.

“Ow,” you mumble, running a hand over the skin.

He gives you a perplexed look. “I said, you can use my clubs. You in there?”

“Yeah,” you reply, a little too defensively. “Just…paying attention.”

“Hm.”

The men on your right groan as Daniel strides back over to join them, a satisfied grin across his face. Your eyes trace him as he leans on his driver, one white pant leg crossing over the other.

When you turn back to the tee box, Joel’s lifting his own club from his bag. His broad, muscled shoulders flex under the dark material of his shirt; his tall figure walks over to the tee, delicate fingers dancing along the handle of the club, and he clears his throat.

And suddenly, the memory of Daniel and his stupid biceps is dust in the wind.

Joel takes, like, half a practice swing. Doesn’t even have to aim, not really. Just pulls his arms back, sucks his waist in, and goes for it.

His ball lands a couple meters ahead of Daniel’s. And you wonder when the fuck golf became this sexy.

He turns back and runs his tongue over his top lip, breathing a little heavy. The sight drives you fucking insane for the second time today. And then he’s smiling at you, jerking his head in a gesture for you to join him.

You step forward, a little shy, a little hot, and wander mutely over to him.

“I got you,” he says, and reaches for your wrist.

You move to take the driver from his hand and Joel clicks his teeth, shaking his head.

“Said I got you,” he utters, and pulls your body into his, shelling around you. His beard scratches lightly against your ear.

“Joel,” you whisper, laughing nervously and tossing a quick glance back over to the men standing just feet away. Drew just said something apparently hilarious. Caleb gives him a solid whack on the shoulder and doubles over laughing. Steve’s watching a butterfly float by.

“They ain’t watchin’,” Joel says, curving his arms around yours and fixing your hands on the handle of the club. “s just you ‘n me.”

You wriggle under his grasp and feel the hum of laughter from his chest between your shoulders, the weight of his belt riding on your ass. Your cheeks heat when his chin rests on your collarbone.

“Alright,” he says, hands tightening around your own. “You’re gonna line it up, stand with your legs a little apart, little more…”

The toe of his shoe taps your heel and you widen your stance.

“Good girl,” he whispers. A pulse shakes through your body. “Now, on your backswing, you’re gonna want your left shoulder under your chin, ‘n your hands above your right shoulder. Yeah?”

“Got it,” you mumble, so unconvincing that it makes you laugh after you’ve said it.

He gives your waist a tiny squeeze and steps back, watching as you carefully lift the club and curve it around your shoulders. You hear him from behind.

“’attagirl. Keep your knees bent, you got it.”

You take one good swing, and hit the ball on your first try, but it’s…it’s bad, for sure. It’s pretty terrible. The ball lands on this side of the fairway, muddled in amongst the longer grass of the rough. But it’s your first ever shot – least not with colored balls and spinning windmills in the way – and so when you turn back to Joel with a huge beam across your lips, your expression is reflected in his.

“Good job!” he chuckles, stalking back over to you.

“Good job,” you echo with a laugh, handing him the club. You twist and hold your hand up to shield your eyes, staring down the course. “Look where it is, ‘n look where yours are.”

He glances back over to where your sad little ball sits. “We’ll get a few drinks down those guys,” he whispers, hand on your back. “See how good they are in a few holes’ time.”

----------

You’re back in the clubhouse after finishing the eighteenth hole on something of a high. Joel managed to worsen the accuracy of your competitors only so much – your end of the deal was to improve as the round went on, which you try to argue you technically did, given that you began to land your shots on the fairway around hole seven, but your argument is let down by Joel’s reminder that, on hole thirteen, he had to dig your ball out of the bunker for you.

“And I am eternally grateful to you for agreeing to never fucking talk about it again,” you say through gritted teeth, and he laughs.

“Last time, promise.”

Drew joins the pair of you at your table and slaps an arm down on Joel’s shoulder.

“Your round, asshole.”

Joel grumbles, gives your elbow a cursory tap, and slides off to the bar. Drew takes his seat, nudges your arm.

“I am impressed,” he tells you, slurring his words a little.

“Yeah?” you ask, and he nods. “I didn’t think I was so good.”

“Oh,” he shakes his head, “you weren’t. I meant I’m impressed you stuck it out.”

“Oh, fuck you,” you hiss.

He snorts, head bobbing with the alcohol bubbling in his blood. “I’m kidding. You were great, for your first time. I’m really glad you came.”

“Me, too,” you admit.

Drew opens his mouth to say something else when a clatter from across the clubhouse interrupts him. You turn at the same time to see a waiter on his ass at the other side of the room. His metal tray rattles against the wooden floor, flutes smashed in a pool of champagne by his side.

“Oh, shoot,” Drew mumbles, setting his glass down on the table.

You push off your stool, sliding your drink alongside his, but he motions for you to stay.

“I got it,” he says, palm lightly tapping your wrist. “I got it.”

He shuffles off to the waiter, now being helped to his feet by Caleb. The last you see is Drew bending to grab the silver tray, before he’s swept out of your view by –

“Poor guy,” Daniel muses, fist locked tight around a lager. He pulls Joel’s stool out and slips onto the cushion, elbow brushing against yours.

You readjust awkwardly in your own chair and pull on the hem of your skirt.

“So,” Daniel clears his throat, the bottom of his glass scraping along the wooden tabletop, “how’d you find your first round of golf?”

You smile politely. “Uh, good. Yeah. I wasn’t expecting to be much, but it wasn’t too scary.”

He chuckles. “Yeah? Think you’ll be back?”

Your shoulders jerk with a shrug. “Maybe.”

He nods and dives headfirst into some long ramble about golf – something about the time he brought his sister and her kids here and how much worse they were than you, so you should really be proud of yourself, and he’d love to see you around here again sometime – but you’re only half listening. You’re stealing glances over at the bar, hunting for a chiseled jawline and monochrome beard.

You spot him locked between Steve and some other guy in all black, waiting for the bartender to draw up his order of drinks. He’s nodding, saying words back to the pair, but keeping his eyes locked on you.

You give him half a smile, half a, There you are, what the hell’s taking you so long? Can you come the fuck back? and hope he reads the words across your face.

“…so, as long as you stick with what you know, it’s actually a really enjoyable game.”

Daniel stares at you blankly, waiting for a response.

“Sure, sure,” you answer, after too long a pause to convince him that you were listening. “Sorry,” you close your eyes and give your head a shake, “was just checking on that waiter.”

Daniel nods. Follows the trail of your eyeline across the room, and looks back to you. “So, uh,” he clears his throat nervously, “I know this place downtown – Italian, has this big open rooftop seating area. If you’re interested, I’d, uh…I’d love to take you, sometime.”

You stare at him for a few seconds, frozen. Like, actually convinced the air in your lungs has turned to ice, frozen. Your eyes probably look like they’re about to burst out of your head, your mouth stuck in a dumb O-shape as you search frantically for the words to form a reply.

He smiles awkwardly. Watches as you blink straight back at him.

“I…” you manage, after what feels like fucking hours. “…That’s – so nice, Daniel, I – really – I’m flattered. Um…”

He interrupts, and it’s like a cold flannel on an acid burn. “Oh, Jesus. I – I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to – I’m sorry.”

“No,” you shake your head, suddenly animated, “no, listen. It’s – you’re –”

Daniel’s still apologizing. “Are you – sorry, I don’t mean to assume – are you and – you and Joel…?”

His head jerks. One eyebrow cocked. His fingers press into the table, making counter-rotating circles across the gleaming surface.

You stare from his hands to his face, open-mouthed. “N-no,” you tell him, with a single shake of your head. And then you realize he’s being serious. “No, no, we’re not – no, absolutely not. We’re just – friends.”

“Right,” he says, brows knitting. “It’s just – the guy hasn’t taken his eyes off you the entire time I’ve been sat here, so I just figured…maybe…”

You follow Daniel’s gaze across to the bar again, where Joel’s still standing, this time with Drew at his side. He’s mouthing Yeah, in reply to whatever Steve’s gabbing about, but not fucking listening to a word of it.

“No,” you say again, looking Joel dead in the eye. “We’re just friends.”

You turn to look back at the slick-haired man by your side, and he nods.

“But, uh,” you look into your glass, the ice suddenly more interesting than Daniel’s hopeful expression, “you’re a really nice guy, and I appreciate you asking, but I’m…not…exactly looking for anything right now. I’m – yeah.”

“Right – no, absolutely,” he says again, flustered. His fingers wrap tight around his glass and he shifts as if to stand. “That’s absolutely fine. I just thought I’d ask, y’know?”

He laughs nervously. You feel kinda guilty. He’s being so decent about it, and he means well, but you really just wish he would…fuck off.

He isn’t given the option.

Drew comes bounding over like a golden retriever and leans in to Daniel, another freshly poured pint swinging in his fist. “You’ve improved your game, Gilbert,” he sings in your suitor’s ear. “Must be years since the last time you scored an eagle!”

Daniel copies Drew’s guffawing, nodding along. He opens his mouth to say something, but Drew jumps ahead, offering to buy him a drink to celebrate.

“C’mon, my treat,” the blond tells him, and swaggers off towards the bar, a vice grip on the blue polo shirt.

The shadow of Joel slips around your back as soon as the two figures are out of view. He brushes against your shoulders and nudges his stool nearer to yours with his foot, before sitting back into it with a sigh.

You stare at him, smirking behind your hand, elbow resting on the arm of your chair. He catches your eye and watches you for a few seconds.

Sorry, he mouths eventually, and sneaks a hand onto your thigh.

You lean into him, feeling the weight of Daniel and his proposal and his fucking Italian restaurant fall like insignificant grains off sand off your shoulders. You trace a finger along the shape of Joel’s knuckles. “I feel bad,” you whisper.

“The hell for?” his voice asks, a deep rumble by your temple.

You shrug, looking up at him. “He’s a nice guy. He asked me on a date.”

“And did you want to go?”

Your face pulls into a wince, lips flinching. “Not really.”

“Then what’d I tell you about doin’ stuff you don’t want to?”

You don’t reply. Your mind sails back to that boat ride in Paris, when he basically told you off for feeling guilty about rejecting a fucking marriage proposal, never mind a downtown dinner. It doesn’t bear thinking about what fantastic rant he’s currently bottling up where Daniel’s feelings are concerned.

Joel’s a no-nonsense guy, you know this. Known it for as long as you’ve known him. He’s rational, he’s pragmatic. He says what he thinks, and you deal with however you feel about it. He doesn’t waste time making anyone feel better with lies or cushion-soft landings. His yes is yes and his no is no. And sure, maybe there’s something in there that you’d do well to adopt, too.

But there are inconsistencies to him that you can’t work out – yet. Something that makes him break his rules. He still hasn’t shared whatever the hell Jean-Marc said to him that made him sweep you off of that terrace minutes later. He won’t admit why he keeps dragging you along to these so-called ‘work’ events.

Part of you wants to break him open, chip away at him like the sculptures in the Louvre until his beating heart is in your hands, the rhythmic pulses sharing secrets like it’s speaking in Morse code.

And part of you – bigger, stronger, wiser – hopes you never get close.

When you come back to the room, sound of glasses clinking and men’s roaring laughter washing away any thoughts of jilted boyfriends or lonely golfers, Joel lowers his head to look you in the eye.

“You wanna go?”

You nod, scrunching your nose. “That okay?”

He leans in close, as close as he reckons he can get without drawing attention, and smiles softly. “You coulda asked to go home the minute we pulled up ‘n it woulda been okay. Let’s go.” And he takes your hand.

Drew’s slung over the shoulders of some argyle-patterned men who you’re sure have spent more time drinking than they have actually on the course. He’s lifting his glass, about to toast to life, or love, or fucking golf, when Joel sneaks by behind him, never letting go of your hand.

The Rolls Royce is sat in park at the bottom of the stone steps, hazard lights blinking. Joel holds the door open as you hop in under the twinkling ceiling.

“Well?” Rand asks, looking in the mirror. You respond with a toss of your head, squinting. “Did you keep your feet straight like I taught you?” he demands.

“Honestly, I was more focused on making sure I hit the ball, Rand.”

He snorts. “Office, Joel?”

“Office, Rand.”

As the partition closes, Joel’s hand comes up to cup the back of your head. You lean into it, tilting to look at him properly through eyes glazed with tiredness, alcohol, relief to be back in only his company.

And he’s staring back, eyes flitting from yours down to your mouth when you speak.

“Did you…did you send Drew over to get Daniel away from me?”

Joel’s eyes stay fixed on your lips. “You didn’t want me to do that?”

You ignore him. You want him to answer your question. “Did you?”

And then he looks up. Searches your eyes for a second, and then says, “Yeah.”

Your stare falls down into his lap. To his closed fist, resting on his thigh. His fingers are stroking the back of your head in lulling movements. You focus on the shine of his watch. And horror sets in.

“You wanted him to stay?” Joel asks, bringing you up for air for half a second.

You’re quiet when you reply. “…No. I didn’t want him anywhere near me.”

And that’s somehow scarier. That you didn’t want this decent, attractive-enough man around you. That the entire time he sat nipping your ear, your eyes, your hands, your heart was searching all over the room for Joel. Listening for the twang of his voice, looking for him out of your peripheral. Counting every second until he sauntered back to your side.

It’s rolling. The feeling. Like a snowball gaining speed down a mountain. Starts off a twinge, a plucking somewhere buried deep in your heart, and turns and turns and turns until it’s a weight behind your ribcage. Unable to burst free.

You take Joel’s wrist and move his hand to the curve of your thigh, then lock your fingers between his. He lets you. You lift your free hand to the cut of his jawline, training your fingers down his bristled beard, and he lets you do that, too. And when you pull his face down to meet yours, lips warm and wet and starving, he opens his mouth and slips his tongue past your teeth.

Your hands are knotting in his hair. You’re leaning back, trying to pull him down on top of you, but he’s stronger. His hands take a strong grip of your waist and hoist you over the center console and into his lap, your knees pressing into the soft leather either side of his hips.

“You gonna tell me what you’re up to, pretty girl?” he asks, tipping his head back. His shirt smells like his cologne. Fresh, sharp, clean. It sends your head spinning.

Your lips find his jawline and nip kisses and bites along the sharp ridge. He tastes like whiskey, tastes like the sun, tastes like he did four days ago. Sweet and smoky and laced with something intoxicating.

Joel sighs. His hands knead into your hips, and he pushes you down, grinding you into his body.

He’s hard. Already.

“Feels like you already know,” you mutter, still peppering his neck with kisses.

He laughs the cocky way he always does when you’re on this road, heading this way. His hands find your hair again and he pulls your head back, drawing a whine from your lips.

“You gonna take it like a good girl? Take daddy’s cock?”

“Mhm,” you mewl, rubbing your damp panties over the bulge in his pants.

Joel unzips his trousers and shifts the waistband loose. You move his hands and peel back the top of his boxers yourself, and he watches from under heavy lids as you take him in both hands.

“That’s – my girl,” he chokes, eyes following your pumping fists. His head tips back with a quiet groan.

You push yourself up, shuffle nearer to him until your cunt hovers over his cock, and pull your panties to the side. You’re fucking soaked, already wet enough that Joel’s thick head catches on the cusp of your entrance as you line him up, stealing a gasp from your lips.

You sink, slowly, letting him push through into your sex inch by inch, feeling yourself pull open around him. Your brows furrow, jaw falls wide at the white-hot feeling between your legs, and you look up to see your expression reflected in Joel’s.

His hands clutch at your hips. “So – fucking – tight,” he hums, eyes rolling.

You lock your knees and begin bouncing, resting your hands on top of Joel’s. You’re steadily picking up pace, each nudge of his tip against the edge of your pussy sending another spasm of stars across your quickly-blinding vision.

“Off,” Joel mumbles against your lips, fingers pinching the fabric of your shirt.

“Huh?” you ask back, looking down to where he’s already peeling it up your torso.

“Just the skirt,” he pants, desperate, “nothin’ else.”

You lift your arms and let him pull the polo from your body, tossing it onto the carpeted floor. Joel unhooks your bra and pulls the lace down, before he’s angling his hips up again, hitting you somewhere deep enough inside to steal the breath from your lungs.

And then his lips are on your naked chest, sinking into the valley between your breasts, kissing over to your nipple. His tongue flicks over and over until the bud is pointed, enough to take it between his lips and graze over it with his teeth.

Your thighs are burning. Your skirt sits bunched up on your hips, only just covering your ass as Joel’s hands press into the supple skin, lifting you effortlessly up and down. You melt into his touch, let him do the work for a few seconds as he sits back in his seat to watch your body on his.

“My good – girl,” he groans, voice thick with arousal. “You know how pretty you look right now?”

You hook your hand around his neck, draw him in a little nearer. Shake your head with a filthy smile on your lips. “Tell me.”

Joel laughs shakily. “Wanna – fuckin’ – show you off to everyone, babygirl.”

He’s kissing you slowly, his tongue pressed to yours, when you pull back and separate your lips. He’s planted a seed in your mind.

Joel’s hips stop moving immediately. “Y’okay?” he asks, light hand on the side of your head, keeping your eyes on him.

You nod, breathing heavy. “Mhm.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” you shake your head, “just…”

You look down to your skirt, your bare thighs spread over Joel’s lap. The thought flips over and over in your head, unsure if it’s brave enough to trot down to your lips and show itself to Joel.

“Baby?”

It’s Joel, though. Same guy who bent you over his desk, same guy who fucked you senseless feet away from his flight attendants. Same guy who, a few days ago, you were in this exact position with: writhing in next to nothing on his lap.

Fuck it. Right?

“…want him to watch,” you say, in a small voice.

Joel’s expression doesn’t change, save for the way his eyes narrow. “Want who to watch?”

You look at him a beat longer, and it sinks in. He gets it.

“Yeah, babygirl? That what you want?”

“Mhm,” you reply, shifting with him when he starts moving his hips again. The car moves forward, pushing you closer into him. “Want him to – watch you fuck me.”

“Dirty girl. You want him to watch you cum for daddy, pretty girl?”

“Ye-ah,” you moan, Joel’s hands now pushing your waist down, the stretch of his cock deep inside you almost burning with pleasure.

“Yeah, you do,” he whispers, watching as your face pulls and your brows knit together.

“Only cum for you, daddy,” you whimper.

“I know, darlin’, I know. Close your eyes.”

By this point, Joel’s assured tone, his strong hands on your hips, his fucking length buried inside you, are enough to convince you. You just do as you’re fucking told – as soon as you’re fucking told.

Your eyes flutter closed, and you lean forward, hooking your chin over his shoulder and feeling him turn, his lips pressed close to your ear.

“Good girl. He there?”

The image of Daniel flits across your vision, bright blue eyes trained on you. He looks…intrigued, and stunned. He’s not breaking his stare.

“Mhm,” you say again, and start to lift off of Joel.

“He watching?”

“Y-eah,” you choke out, bouncing steadily.

“Put on a show for ‘im, pretty girl. Show him what you do for me.”

You focus on the feeling of Joel, cock fucking deep into you, nuzzling against your walls and splitting you open; the sound of his voice in your ear, gently encouraging, sweetly reassuring; the smell of him, the taste of him, the heat from his skin, and…the sight of the steel-blue stare behind your eyes. The tight polo shirt. The round biceps. Watching you.

Watching you be fucked by someone else. Watching you come undone for someone else. For the same guy whose stare he couldn’t shake while he so much as talked to you. Watching your face as it twists in filthy pleasure; listening to you make sounds, whisper words, whisper daddy in the ear of your fucking boss; have him whisper words back that make your cunt tighten around him and push the image of Daniel two steps back with shock.

“Tell me again, angel.” Joel’s voice starts to swipe Daniel away.

Your eyes peel open, the backseat of the Rolls a blur as you roll your head back. “What, daddy?” you whimper.

His hand takes your jaw, holds you in line with his own. “Tell me who this pussy belongs to.”

You breathe a laugh. It pulls across your mouth two seconds later. “M-me.”

Joel mirrors your grin. His hips buck once. You cry out. “Yeah?”

“Uhuh,” you yelp, getting louder as he snaps up into you deeper, faster, harder.

You’re drawing around him, warm and wet, feeling him deep in your stomach as your movements become sloppy and staggered. Pleasure swirls like a whirlpool between your legs, tightening, tightening, tightening.

Joel’s face sharpens into your vision. His eyes are fixed on yours. You watch his lips shape the words good girl, before he pulls your foreheads together, noses flush against one another.

“’n who fucks it like this?” he asks into your mouth.

You take a deep breath, inhaling his question, and let a satisfied exhale carry your answer back out.

“Just y-you, daddy.”

And you both fall.

You rock back and forth as the feeling drowns you both; open-mouthed, silently screaming, eyes trained on one another as you ride out your high together.

You throw your head back, eyes losing focus just inches under the stars until they blur into little white halos. Your arms lift up to lean against the tiny dotted lights, steadying yourself.

Joel’s hands clamp around your waist, holding you down on his cock as he shoots hot ropes of cum deep inside you, mixing with your own and filling you up. Your name escapes his lips hand in hand with a deep, throaty moan.

You body aches. Your cunt throbs around him, still humming with pleasure as your body curls again, falling forward until your face is hidden in the crook of his neck. His hands run up and down your spine, lips press featherlight kisses to your ear, shhing, whispering praise, bringing you slowly back into the car with him.

“Daddy…” you whisper into the soft cotton of his shirt, and you feel the weight of his cheek on your head.

His hands cup your cheeks and he lifts your face until you’re staring at one another. Your eyes are tired, you can hardly keep them open, but Joel holds you upright.

“We gotta stop this,” he whispers, and your foreheads fall together again as you laugh. “I’m gettin’ too old for it, baby.”

He’s still buried deep inside, slowly softening, but you don’t want him to go. Not yet. He reaches for your bra, helps you slip it back on, and you bend back to take your shirt in two fingers.

When you’re dressed, you sink back into him.

Joel laughs, brushing the wisps of your hair disturbed by pulling your shirt over your head. “That what you were thinkin’ about? While he was talkin’ to you?”

You smile lazily. Shake your head no. “Was thinking…about you taking me to the Italian he was talking about.”

Joel’s smile grows bigger. Biggest you think you’ve ever seen him smile before. It breaks into a laugh, a toothy chuckle, and then he kisses you.

You melt into him, tongue and teeth crashing against one another. Joel’s open palms surf along your thighs, molding around your skin. He squeezes the dimpled skin on your hips between his fingers.

“Tonight work for you?” he asks, and you giggle.

“No,” you tell him, “I got Martha’s to-do list to work through.”

He nods knowingly, eyes closing. “You want a hand with it?”

You smirk. “Can we fool around in your office between items?”

His head tips back against the headrest with an obvious expression. “What do you think?”

The car slows to a stop and Rand’s knuckles rap against the glass of the partition. You slip off of Joel’s lap, fix yourselves quickly, and then amble off back to the top floor, still a little weak in the knees.

“Home time, Martha,” Joel calls almost as soon as the elevator doors pull open.

“Excuse me?” she yells back.

He laughs. “I’m lettin’ you go early. It ain’t fair that we get to go have our fun ‘n you’re stuck here ‘til five. Let us know what needs done, ‘n then you can get goin’.”

“Ain’t that chivalrous?” Martha beams, blinking at you.

You saunter by her with a smile and toss your bag under your desk. You spin around, brace yourself against the arms of your chair, and throw yourself back against the comfortable leather.

“So,” she announces, almost fucking skipping over to you with her trusty notepad back in her clutches. “I whittled it down to just six things, so it shouldn’t keep you much longer than five o’clock…”

You lift your brows and nod along.

“…as long as you don’t find anything to distract yourselves with, that is.”

----------

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[caliburn-the-sword]

the main talking point of a lot of people that love eah but bash on descendants is that "eah was deep!! descendants was just a disney knockoff that meant nothing and was just a cashgrab" SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP (to be clear i am an eah lover). analytical thoughts to follow:

consider also, that auradon is portrayed as very technologically advanced in direct opposition to the isle being associated with magic (even with its ban) and a lot of of clearly second hand, worn and torn fridges and tvs and whatever

also, the fact that she felt PRESSURED to not only culturally assimilate into auradon culture, but alter her physical appearance to assimilate further. consider mal's costuming in the first movie. on the isle, we see her with (what i assume is her natural) purple hair, leather, etc. she is even, to a degree, gender nonconforming. pretty much the ONLY time we see her in skirts is when she's trying to impress ben for her plan to work

compare this with the hair costuming in descendants 2:

(i actually can't remember which scenes the third one was in but whatever) they have taken away her sparkle!! she's assimilated firstly into auradon fashion by dressing in pastels like them, and in SKIRTS which she textually only wore in the first movie when she wanted to impress ben. now with the added context of her wanting to impress auradon. and it really speaks a lot that she feels she has to conform to gender norms more in order to be accepted by auradon

and what about hair. she's felt the need to not only change the way she dresses, but change her hair to the eurocentric standard, so blonde that it's almost WHITE to conform to auradon's society (because let's be real, her mum's a fairy/dragon and her dad is a greek god. i'd be MORE surprised if she was DYING her hair purple than it being natural). changing your natural hair in order to to conform to and be accepted by the majority... where have i heard that one before??

shoutout to @soniccat

(to be clear. it is not a one for one analogy. "hey using a spell to force someone to forget what you did is an invasion" to me is like going "well actually people were right to fear mutants in x-men because some of them were walking weapons" IT'S A METAPHOR THAT IS ALSO A PLOT DEVICE)

('backwater' being used ironically, do not let my meaning be misconstrued here. a better way to word it is that immigrants are guilttripped into having to be 'grateful' for their oppression in a first world country because microaggressions or assimilation is considered better than the alternative, being back in your home country where living conditions may be considered poorer)

in the sense that for instance, jay put a VK spin on supporting feminism. like yes, he could've done it the rulefollowing, create a petition and gather signatures route, but INSTEAD he finds and exploits an existing loophole to let lonnie join the team. or evie shouting out dizzy's creations, uplifting her voice despite the fact she could've still taken the credit since she was the one that paired the outfit with the accessories. etc

are the descendants movies objectively bad movies?? yes. but this was to me, one of the most compelling analogies for immigrant struggles. take particular notice how almost ALL the main VKs are either racebent from the original disney movies (evie, carlos, uma) or were already based on an ethnic character (mal, jay)

but wait, mal is the whitest white girl to walk the planet. how is she already based on an ethnic character?

glad you asked. it is quite unclear in the descendants movie (basing its portrayal of maleficent on the disney sleeping beauty) is a fairy or a dragon. while the maleficent movie isn't canon to the descendants universe, i'm still going to use the fact that she's a fairy with the magical ability to turn herself into a dragon

a lot fairy folklore comes from ireland. the name maleficent itself, and i quote

shares similarities to the name millicent. millicent has irish (or scottish) roots (even a coat of arms) as in

thus one could argue that maleficent herself could potentially be irish coded

whether or not you agree with the idea that maleficent is irish coded, it is undeniable that mal is the daughter of hades, a greek god. it's a shame that that was a retcon in the third movie and not planned from the start, because the role could've gone to an actually greek actress (please google the ottoman empire and greek independence day if you still think it's not fitting for me to group mal with the others)

where was i going with this?? right. it's extremely telling that most of the main/side VKs, save for gil, are ethnic, in the story of a group of misfits finding themselves in an unfamiliar country with new social norms for them to learn as they try to fit in with and become accepted by their peers

[princessfanatic]

EAH theory- Destiny Changes

My EAH obsessed brain is going crazy right now and this is what I'm thinking:

After the storybook of Legends was retired, could they actually change their destinies?

Like, for example, Daring went from Prince Charming to the Beast, and Darling went from Princess to be rescued to The Princess Charming from Snow White.

My thoughts are that they can morph their destinies into whatever they want. Some will follow storylines they weren't apart of in the first place, some will have no true destiny to follow, and some will play the role they had in the beginning.

Faybelle has already played the role of the Evil Queen from Snow White as she poisoned Apple.

Raven will probably be an advisor for Apple or a queen woth Dexter.

Briar won't suffer from 100 years of sleep as Faybelle could wake her.

Hunter will be Ashlynn's prince and will not have to be a huntsman.

I feel like Dexter would've been the good king either way, but he won't die young because his role is changed.

Ashlynn won't have to die young either because her story has also been altered. Hunter won't have to remarry someone abusive.

Meeshel won't have to turn into sea foam, and she can choose whether to live on land or in water

Feels good to get these out of my brain

[endiermun]

Hi! I saw your headcanons for EAH and they all look so cool! I especially love Apple’s look because it’s the same headdress as the lady in A Knight’s Tale!

Can I hear more of your headcanons?

Hello!

Thank you sm!<3 that's really sweet! I think Apple's graduation look speak for itself, a stern look for a stern queen

I think i can post here some headcanons bout main four designs

Before starting this, I would like to say that for me EAH is something like a rethinking of this whole theme with “fate” that underlies the plot as I grew up, as well as thinking about how these rules influenced the characters. Something more lyrical and somewhat tragic

Raven

Here she is, as in the canon, in her first and last years of study at the Ever After High, at the end of which she was already pretty worn out by constant pressure and problems. and her motherKHM she has an unenviable future and according to the canon she was quite wayward, but a good-natured and open girl who was ready to do a lot for the sake of her friends and valued herself.

Perhaps her development branch is a protest. Her eternal confrontation is against society and traditions, and she wages this struggle all her life. Therefore, her “punk” youth in the look does not go away much, becoming darker

She has elements of a hunter in her final outfit, something symbolic and related to her fairy tale where the hunter went against evil stepmother's orders.

Madeline

It would be nice to keep her dad's teeth in her appearance (in the case of her story it actually sounds terrible), and add more of that same carelessness and madness

Her branch is freedom. I won’t throw around joker quotes, everything is clear

Maddie has adopted some... jokes from her relatives and is generally quite free in her statements and actions, and therefore has endless freedom that even following in her father’s footsteps she is on the side of the rebels. My personal opinion - she is the strongest character in terms of energy and capabilities, but she does not fully control or realize this. By the end of school, her inner madness finally manifests itself in the look

Briar

Her fate is the most tragic, in fact, she must literally sleep through all her friends and life, “coming to life” in a new time (in the original, the sleeping beauty falls into sleep for a hundred years) and in fact, following the path of the heir, she accepts it such a decision.

Ever After Lore has an open ending, so in my head I'm inclined to think that she followed in her mother's footsteps, even though she threw the book down the well (oops, spoiler) she rushes about in choosing her fate, deeply disagreeing with the original plan, but in the end, at the last moment, she makes... such a decision. She also doesn’t want to lose her friendship with bestie Apple, even if such a decision would separate them for essentially a hundred years. Not all fairy tales have a happy ending, so her branch is humility.

Apple

It’s not easy to get the title of “most-most”, it’s even harder to keep it

Apple did it.

Her branch is stubbornness. Having a lot of responsibility, she adheres to the rule of “sacrifice one for the sake of all” and is generally very categorical towards the decisions of those who go against fate. Over time, perhaps this misunderstanding will only grow, causing her to eventually become more distant and adamant.

Towards the end her clothes will become more closed and restrained, from a cheerful, positive girl she will become calm and calculating, retaining the idea of acting for the good

Sorry for my English, hope for your understanding:)

[lizzieheartsdeck]

Ideas for my EAH AU

I just wanted to post some ideas to share with you guys, see what you think!

- Sparrow is a full fledge punk, ideals and looks. He is one of the first to become fully rebel after Legacy Day, though he still wants to be like his dad he believes people should choose their life. He steals from the royals A LOT. Everyone knows it’s him but he’s managed to leave no trace so he can’t be reported for it. (credits to @oklotea)

- Hunter isn’t super relevant but one thing about him is he sees the good in everyone. He is one of Raven’s only friends pre Legacy Day, unlike other students he sees past what their story indicates of her and works to get to know her. He realizes she is a total sweetheart and actually has a one sided crush on her for a while.

- Jillian is one of the main characters, she basically replaces Maddie as one of the main rebels. She is the first character to befriend Raven after what occurs on Legacy Day, she supports Raven’s choice and also declares herself as a Rebel.

- Darling is the daughter of the White Queen in this AU. She is the product of an affair between King Charming and the White Queen, so she’s still related to Daring and Dexter. She’s raised in Wonderland and is closest with Lizzie and Chase before attending Ever After High.

- The main characteristic of Daring is that he is vain, not selfish. In the show (epic winter) he’s said to be selfish, which doesn’t make sense, vain would have made much more sense. He saves people, or ‘damsels’ all the time, in efforts of following his destiny. Even with his heroic traits, he’s extremely obsessed with his looks, no hair out of place, nails have to be cut perfectly, etc. I have the idea that this thought process was influenced by his parents, if you couldn’t already tell King and Queen Charming are NOT good people.

[athena-xox]

Changing the characters featured in each special without doing any research (it’s been like 2 weeks since I’ve proper watched eah).

True hearts day - chefs kiss it’s perfect

Thronecoming - I like the characters with their side plots but specifically for those going into the storybook of legends I would change blondie and cedar. Blondie would be at the game, it makes no sense why she was there (unless she followed them but she would have to be covering the game anyways so??) and cedar because I feel like they either should have focused more on her being able to lie or just cut her. I would replace them with 1 kitty because she could cover both the plot points that blondie n cedar bring (aka finding out where to go and how to get in) because I think definitely smth could be worked out with her going into the in between. And then I’m in between Ginger and Holly for the 8th girl. I feel like Ginger just because she’s important for spring unsprung so it would make sense to meet her earlier, but also then the focus would be less on raven + briars horrible destinies and on gingers. And I think that Hollys destiny makes a lot of sense for a quick little montage but then that brings the question on if it should be poppy instead or if the sbol they go into is a fake or not.

Spring unsprung - for the girls who get outfits from Lizzie I’m not going to switch them for Maddie and Kitty even tho it would make sense for Lizzie to make the outfits for them (but then again I’m pretty sure the og queen of hearts doesn’t even know who the Cheshire Cat + Mad Hatter r) so the only one I’ll switch is Holly. Just because I didn’t commit to her for the thronecoming arc and so I feel like she doesn’t really need to be there. I would switch her for Farrah (ik she didn’t exist yet but do I look like I give a fuck?) because in the diaries her cedar and Lizzie design together. And briar and cerise can stay because they’re featured and they are like main characters. The others in this special make sense tbh

Way Too Wonderland - ok yeah it makes sense for the 6 girls. The 3 wonderlandians who left pre curse that makes sense. Briar who is literally the catalyst for all these events. And the two main characters. If I could add someone I’d add cerise because her parents got married in wonderland, which could create an interesting plotline, and after spring unsprung her character was kinda discarded which is too bad. The others (the charmings + bunny and Alistair can stay too). Mm honestly I’d remove faybelle. It makes sense for her to be there just to establish her character before dragon games + epic winter but she wasn’t needed. Honestly could switch cerise with her.

Dragon Games - now here’s where I start to actually dislike the line up not just in a nitpicky way. Okay so off the top of my head the ones who compete in the dragons games are Melody, Lizzie, Poppy, Darling, Holly, Apple, Ashlynn, Maddie and Raven. I’m sorry what?! No briar?! Or cerise?! Immediately cutting Lizzie and Melody for those two. And I feel like Ashlynn could be replaced by Jillian, Cupid, Ramona or Nina. And then for those who go to the forest originally are Raven, Darling, Maddie, Ashlynn, Poppy, and Holly. Definitely adding Briar because that just makes this so much more interesting / briar’s rebel arc could have happened!! I’d either just add her to the existing group or if cut the O’Hair twins and also add cerise because cerise is close friends with raven and is seen with darling lots.

Epic Winter - so if you know me yk were cutting rosabella. I’m very tempted to just add Lizzie but we will resist the temptation. I’ll definitely be changing this one a lot. So the crew is Briar, Faybelle, Ashlynn, Blondie, Rosabella, Daring and Crystal. Cutting Blondie & Daring and adding Poppy and Duchess. Okay that might not look like a big change but im changing who gets which arc. Those with flowers are now Briar, Rosa, Poppy and Crystal. Ashlynn is just there because she’s friends with Crystal not because of the flower. Faybelle is there for the same reason. Rosabella is just there because of her flower, of course she becomes friends and stuff but the whole ‘I can fix him’ thing is gone. Instead this is poppy and duchess. Whether or not it’s seen as a ship or friendship Duchess is the one who needs redemption not Daring. Also I just found the blondie wanting a real story arc to be stupid

Forest Fest - I forgot this is considered a special? Is it considered a special? Anyways I think it’s fine I found it annoying how raven and dex had to be the ones to save the girls it could literally be anyone else. I found Poppy kinda a random choice for blondie to take, like just for the hair?? Maybe Ginger instead because she also has a show and they could be going together.

Tbh I want to make another post with in depth analysis

[cometblaster2070]

alright here we go, we're going to talk about raven for a bit, because there are some people saying strange, strange things about HER of all people.

(slight disclaimer: this is not an apple white hate post; she is also the loml and both her and raven are wonderful, nuanced characters)

i've seen a couple of people (before you ask, yes, it is those apple white defenders) talk about how utterly selfish raven was being. how she was completely uncooperative and unwilling towards apple, how rude she was, what a terrible friend and a terrible person she was in general she was to everyone (but especially apple gasp), and most of all, raven is completely and utterly selfish for refusing to see apple's viewpoint and for refusing to at least hear apple out.

LIKE IM SORRY?? DID WE WATCH THE SAME SHOW?? DID WE SEE THE SAME CHARACTERS??

AH YES, MY MISTAKE, RAVEN WAS COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY SELFISH FOR NOT WANTING TO FOLLOW IN HER VILLANOUS MOTHER'S FOOTSTEPS AND HARM THE PEOPLE SHE LOVES AND CARES ABOUT.

she's also definitely wrong and completely selfish to even consider wanting to have a happy, peaceful life for herself, instead of poisoning her best friend and ending up hated, alone and chained up like a monster.

my bad guys; i misunderstood the show, clearly it was raven who was the selfish one for not acquiescing to apple's request of poisoning her and ending up miserable for the rest of her life.

jokes aside, like, i don't even know how to explain how wrong this is. not only is it completely outlandish to make the argument that raven is wrong and selfish for wanting to NOT end up in magic jail, but it's so strange to demonize her in this particular way??

LIKE WOW WONDER WHY SHE WOULDN'T WANT THIS DESTINY.

raven's defining character trait throughout the show and the books and any other form of media she's associated with is her kindness, her gentleness, her willingness to do the right thing and how she sincerely just wants to help people, and completely loathes the fact that people see her as nothing more than evil and they see her as someone dangerous.

raven is shown to be someone who would literally rather die on the spot than hurt someone or willingly cause them pain, she has also continuously shown guilt over her mother's previous actions (particularly Wonderland); and another thing we're shown time and time again, is that although she disagrees with apple, she loves her so, so much and would do ANYTHING for her.

LET'S ALSO TALK ABOUT HOW RAVEN WAS CONSTANTLY EMOTIONALLY MANIPULATED THROUGH EAH BY LITERALLY EVERYONE??? LIKE THIS GIRL COULD NOT CATCH A BREAK, IF MADDIE WASN'T THERE SHE WOULD'VE SNAPPED SO FAST IM NOT EVEN KIDDING.

side tangent on this: woman spent her wishing well coin on asking if her friends would be fine if she didn't sign, PLEASE I LOVE HER.

like we had GRIMM of all people on her ass constantly threatening her with going 'poof' and ruining everyone's lives, and oh yes, he took the one thing she had from her mother and gave her that horrific wishing well vision, and then, she had ALLLL the royals telling her how horrible she was for not signing and dooming them all, and then we still have apple, who was constantly reminding her to sign and asking why she didn't and how she should've and whatever whatever; you get the point but STILL.

like i sincerely have trouble understanding why we're demonizing raven rn over wanting to choose her own happiness for once, over a lifetime of literal TORMENT AND SUFFERING.

and consistently throughout the show, we are also shown how apple is in the wrong; apple is a very nuanced character yes, and there's a lot of valid reasons that explain why she has the worldview that she does, and does the things that she does, but it doesn't take away the fact that apple is wrong, and throughout eah, we are shown apple realizing and then later accepting that she's wrong and raven's views and actions are valid and right.

i mean, we even get other characters who were diehard royals acknowledging raven's terrible situation and sympathizing with her; case in point, briar in thronecoming.

lastly, on the point of her not listening to apple or hearing her out, girl, like i love apple sm; but her entire point throughout the earlier seasons was 'oh raven why won't you poison me so you can go to prison and i can get my happily ever after like we're supposed to?'; like apple is also shown to be entirely unreasonable in the earlier seasons to raven being like 'haha hey, this is kind of fucked up, don't you think??' and again, apple has valid reasons for this, but it doesn't take away the fact that she was wrong and that there is really no reason for raven to be demonized over THIS of all things???

tl;dr: raven queen is a wonderful character; apple white would beat your ass if you're talking shit about her (like not in being like "oh i don't like this character" way, in this particular clown way), and demonizing raven for being 'selfish' is WILDDD.

[champion-of-love]

thinking about pink squad being the resident party throwers in ever after and all the shenanigans they get up to when planning

in the books, briar had the position of social throne on the student council (or something similar cant remember) so i just know that she has 100% memorized all the forms and steps on procedures on throwing events at eah.

apple wishes she has the same mastery as briar in paperwork. the girl can do budget proposals, logistical planning, role assigning, and etc in her sleep and thats not exaggerating.

(true hearts day being held in secret was an exception since grimm shot the event down as cupid suggested it. all their other events are approved by the school and grimm himself is going crazy trying to find a reason to reject their request but cant find a flaw in briar's event proposals.)

cupid is 'their guy' if they need anything. no matter how weird, how rare, how obscure, cupid knows how to get it. she just knows where to get it or knows someone who can get it for her ;)

girlie always has a delivery incoming to the point that blondie knows how to fake cupids signature so she could shoo away all the delivery birds that come to their dorm room because they need cupids signature before they could drop off their package.

hopper's their distraction guy. while he's not as charismatic in his human form, he's got a silver tongue in his frog form.

it isnt only just grimm who falls for hoppers made up play, but every teacher and professor falls for it too because he's just that good. made up plays, clubs, assemblies. he knows how to lie well enough that any school offical believe the lies coming out of his mouth.

(i know theyre teens still, but you cannot convince me that no one is drinking at any of these parties. theres no pressure to drink at all but the option's there if you wanna get loose and have a lil buzz. they're eventually going to drink alcohol in the future in balls and dances and such, so why not learn about their personal tastes and tolerance in alcohol now?)

the biggest hurdle in the pink squad's goal of getting happily ever wasted is, unfortunately, apple.

apple is a rule follower to her very essence and while she does go to the parties, she is against underage drinking. (but she's drunk on power all the time, okay jan.)

they figured out that the solution is just to always have a bowl of apple juice out in every party so that apple wouldnt know there's alcohol being served. they noticed that unless there wasnt any apple juice out, apple wouldnt try out any other drink. so with a bowl charmed to never run out of a.j., the students of ever after are free to drink as they please.

(i love the hc that ginger is also part of the pink squad, so im gonna give my hc of her in party planning as well)

ginger is their food and snacks girl. she makes the best food ever perfectly themed to the party that theyre throwing. from heart cakes on true hearts day, light finger food for the rager parties, to five course meals on their more classy events, ginger's got them covered. sometimes, she gets too conscious about what other people think of the food that she forgets to enjoy herself, but the pink squad drag her out of her funk and get her to have fun anyways

not members of the pink squad but people who sometimes help out

melody - the best dj in ever after! she uses these events sometime to test the reception to some of her upcoming songs before she releases them

daring - being blackmailed by cupid to act as a medic in case someone gets hurt. (this is also partly based on my cupid and daring friendship fic hjdjskr). he's the best in rescuing damsels, whats a drunk teen of not a damsel? (he's actually really good at giving first aid tho)

darling - security! they do have bouncers and such, but if anyones getting too rough at a party, they can get darling and a look from her gets the troublemaker running in fear or apologizing profusely

blondie - apart from committing forgery in cupid's name, she also gets the word out on her mirror blog when they have an event happening soon!

[sayuricorner]

Ever After High x Twisted Wonderland AU Headcanons part 24: Way Too Wonderland

(Mini) special 7

AU concept

MASTERLIST

Warning: English is not my first language so sorry if it’s confusing.

I LIVE!!!

AND I’M BACK WITH A NEW HEADCANONS PART!!! ^^

I am so sorry making you wait for so long, a lot of circonstances in my personal life and very bad cases of writer blocks and lack of motivations got in the way! T_T

But now I did it! The new headcanons part is ready! :D

For this part, you asked for it, you were waiting for it! We’re now going into the Way Too Wonderland arc!!! :D 

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-At NRC, after the festival’s events, the students were going on their daily lives, one student however seemed very distracted: Lizzie Hearts.

-Lizzie was being more home sicking than usual, especially ever since she received an invitation for her mother’s birthday.

-Things go similar to the EAH canon: the EAH transfers find out thanks to Brooke and are tricked into being spirited away in Wonderland but instead of the Evil Queen it's Milton Grimm and Snow White who tricked them.

-Since Apple is either a RSA students(Apple's Happily Ever After path) or locked in a mental institution (Apple's Badly Ever After path), Yuu and Grim took her place in the group for the Wonderland adventure.

-The TWST boys who get spirited away in Wonderland with the EAH transfers: the Heartslabyul gang.

-When Riddle learned there's a conspiracy against the current Queen of Heart, he went on board to help Lizzie and the others and the rest of the Heartslabyul gang got ropped in.

-Just like the EAH girls, the Heartslabyul gang, Yuu and Grim get Wonderland outfits.

-As they explore Wonderland, the group end up caught into Wonderland shenanigans and unwillingly step on Wonderland High ground making them meet Chase and forcing them to attend the school.

-Like in the canon, the group follow the school studying course to graduate and be able to leave.

-Riddle, Lizzie, Maddie and Kitty are the ones that come out the best in those classes.

-The others aren’t going bad at the class but some have big difficulties to go with the classes’s weirdness (*cough*Deuce, Ace and Grim*cough*).

-During their “stay” at the school the group meet Lily, the daughter of the White Queen.

-While talking with her, they learn she found out some times ago a book which looked very much like the Storybook of Legends(as she never saw it in person before Lily isn’t sure) and during a conversation with her mother through mirrorpads, the latter “advised her” to give the book to the Queen of Hearts for her birthday.

-She was about to add more when the group had to go back to classes.

-Back at NRC, everyone is actively searching for the missing students.

-Brooke was very frustrated to not be able to do anything to help, no matter how often she tried to contact someone through NRC’s mirrors but failed every time.

-She then discovered she can interact with objects, an ability she used to send a message which got found by Darling who then without wasting any time put on her armor, took Sir Gallopad and went to Wonderland through NRC’s well to go help her friends.

-She managed to infiltrate Wonderland High and to end up in the same classes than the NRC group and warn them about the conspiracy against the Queen of Hearts. 

-Like in the EAH canon, Courtly made sure to make the classes impossible for the NRC group to succeed.

-At the chess game turned into a un-chess game Raven took Lily’s place as the white queen piece much to Lily’s frustration(‘I never get to play!”).

-Ace profit from the chess game changements to provoke a battle dance which result in a battle dance between Chase and Darling and give the opportunity for the others to sneak away.

-They get however intercepted by Lily who doesn’t understand why they sneak away like that and risking to fail their courses.

-When they explained to Lily about the conspiracy and the possible involvement of the White Queen, Lily was at first in denial ‘cause that would mean that not only her mother is involved in a crime against the Queen of Hearts, which is VERY severe, but also used her as a pawn which in the white chess kingdom and in the red chess kingdom is extremely serious.

-Headcanon: In Wonderland, using a chess piece which is beneath or against it purpose is a crime which could be very severe to an act of treason if the chess piece used is a royal piece.

-The others insist and told Lily to be on the look out and leave.

-Like in the canon, Courtly played with time and make the group failed their classes and get them sent to a trial.

-Things were not doing good for the group and they were about to be found guilty when Deuce objected that Courtly committed a more severe fault by having transgressed some of the Queen of Hearts rules. 

-The rules in questions are “One must not play with time as, like with food, time must not to be wasted” and “Creating more no-sense in a no-sense society only disturb society’s order, this why, any no-sense perpetrator must be punished”.

-Courtly try to deny it but thanks to their magic the NRC group managed to prove she indeed messed with time to sabotage the group’s classes, which had also unwittingly sabotaged the classes of all the other students of Wonderland High.

-The more Courtly tries to justify herself or make up excuses, the more the group, particularly the Heartslabyul group, point out a Queen of Hearts rule she broke.

-Courtly, being so frustrated, end up snapping at them “WHO CARES ABOUT THOSE STUPID LAWS?!”.

-This put her in trouble with the caterpillar judge and in panic, Courtly teleported away thanks to a magical device.

-She teleported in her office to call Milton and Snow White in panic but the two told her to get a grip and that all is still according to plan ‘cause the White Queen reported to them that Lily had give the true Storybook of Legends to the Queen of Hearts for her birthday and told Courtly to go retrieve it.

-Meanwhile, Lily, still a bit shaken by what the NRC group told her, called her mother hoping all this was just a misunderstanding, but to her horror the White Queen confirmed that she was aware that the book Lily give to the Queen of Hearts was the actual Storybook of Legends and revealed that she told Lily to give the book to the Queen of Hearts ‘cause it was part of a plan to give the book back to Milton Grimm and to dethrone the Queen of Hearts to “Make things straight again”.

-She was even acting as if Lily was on board with the plan and ended up the call, leaving her daughter drowning in the horrible realization that not only her mother committed the crime of having used her daughter, her heiress, as a simple pawn but also for participating in a conspiracy against the Queen of Hearts.

-With the NRC group things realized that Courtly escaped to go steal the Storybook of Legends and quickly escaped Wonderland High to go to the Card Castle.

-Things go a bit like in the EAH canon and Kitty at one point vanished to go retrieve the book in the present room and Riddle, although at first upset to see Lizzie this distressed, quickly realized that the Queen of Hearts was doing an opposite game.

-Kitty reappeared smuggly when Courtly came with the “book” in her hands thinking she won and used a magical device to permit Milton Grimm and Snow White to enter Wonderland and give her the book.

-But when she asked them about her future “new destiny as Lizzie’s remplacement” like they promised only for Milton, Snow White and the White Queen to look at her as if Courtly was crazy and told her that there was no way she would take Lizzie’s destiny and that this plan was to push her and all the other “EAH students” to go back to the “rightful destiny” making Courtly realized that she have been tricked.

-But when Milton opened the book and try to defuse the illusion magic of the wonderland water, he realized it wasn’t the actual Storybook of Legends but a simple sketchbook stylized like the Storybook of Legends and then noticed a smirking Kitty holding the real book.

-See, when Kitty talked with her mother on Card Castle’s roof, the latter give her a sketchbook looking like the Storybook of Legends under the pretext that those were very popular in Wonderland and that she wanted to give it to Kitty as a gift ‘cause “it would be useful to her”.

-This gave Kitty the idea, once she appeared in the present room, the idea of replacing the disguised Storybook of Legends with the sketchbook so like this Courtly would find it instead of the real one.

-Furious, Milton Grimm by using his magic summoned strange dark creatures to attack the NRC group to take the book.

-The NRC group were shocked to see that the creatures’s aura was the same than the overblot monsters’s.

-The thing is: When Milton got interested in the overblot forms, he studied them, even collected the dark rocks from overblots to create minions with them and his magic.

-As the NRC group were about to fight, despite the creatures outnumbering them, everyone got suddenly interrupted by an army composed of the white chess piece students, Darling, Chase and all of them lead by none other than Lily.

-The White Queen tried to defuse the situation but Lily snapped to her that they don’t take orders from a traitor.

-With the White Queen’s confusion Lily is like “White Queen! You are accused of high acts of treason for having conspired against the Queen of Hearts and for having used your own heiress for a role beneath her role as a royal chess piece!”

-A battle happens with the chess pieces and the NRC group against Milton Grimm, Snow White, the White Queen and their creatures.

-Through the battle, Lily give orders and instructions to the chess pieces students like it was a game of chess.

-At one point, Raven found herself with the book and as she was about to be attacked by Milton’s creatures, she unlocked her unique magic “Mirror on the wall”.

-This unique magic permits Raven to create mirrors which act like portals that Raven can use. 

-She use her new found unique magic to escape the creatures’s assault.

-Thanks to the efforts of the TWST group and of the chess pieces students, Milton’s creatures are little by little defeated.

-Snow White, enraged by how things are going, was about to use the little number of spells she knows to attack Raven only to be blocked and finding herself in a 1v1 against Vil.

-Courtly, that everyone forget about in the heat of the battle, enraged was about to take it out on Lizzie but Riddle spotted her in time and used “Off with your head” to put a collard on Courtly and incapacitate her.

-At one point, Raven noticed Milton Grimm being about to throw a spell attack on Vil, she used her “Mirror on the wall” to teleport herself just in time to throw herself between Vil and the spell, using the Storybook of Legend as a shield which made the spell and the book and turning it into ashes, much to the horror of Milton, Snow White and the White Queen and freeing officially the citizen of the Ever After world from the Destiny ideology.

-With Milton, Snow White and the White Queen been stunned in horror with what happened, Lily and Lizzie profited from the situation to make a direct attract on Snow White and the White Queen and as they incapacitate them both, Lizzie and Lily both tell with a smirk “Check mate!”.

-Seeing his allies defeated, Milton was about to retaliate, he got interrupted by the surprise apparition of the Evil Queen and the teachers of NRC who even destroyed the last creatures.

-Turns out the teachers back at NRC found also Brook’s message about what was happening in Wonderland and after they contacted the Evil Queen, they go to Wonderland through the way in the NRC’s well.

-Seeing they were surrounded, Milton and Snow White got no other choice but to retreat and escape, leaving the White Queen behind.

-Everyone celebrated the victory, the White Queen got arrested for her treason against the Queen of Hearts and got removed from her title as the White Queen and the title was then given to her daughter Lily.

-But the rejoices died down when the atmosphere became tense because of the presence of the elephant in the room: the Evil Queen, the one responsible for the curse in Wonderland, being present.

-But what shocked the Wonderlandians was the Evil Queen, being respectful toward the Queen of Hearts, bowing to her and solemnly apologizing for having put the curse on Wonderland.

-While the Queen of Hearts appreciate the Evil Queen came clean about her wrong doings, she still had committed a big crime against Wonderland by having put the poisoning curse which created more chaos in Wonderland and had broken the “Creating more no-sense in a no-sense society only disturb society’s order, this why, any no-sense perpetrator must be punished”.

-As the atmosphere was becoming a bit uncomfortable, Riddle came up with a solution with the Queen of Hearts rule 053 “You must replace anything you steal”.

-Since the Evil Queen had “stolen” the no-sense order of Wonderland with her curse which made the Wonderlandians madder, her punishment could be that she had to “replace” the no-sense order by removing the curse and bring everything back to “normal” in Wonderland.

-The Queen of Hearts, interested by the suggestion and intrigued by the fact that someone this young and who is not a native from Wonderland seem to understand her rules well enough to know how to use them, accepted the idea and decreed that as punishment for her crimes against Wonderland, the Evil Queen will had to remove the curse she put on Wonderland, punishment the Evil Queen accepted.

-With Raven’s assistance, the Evil Queen and Raven used their magic to remove the curse bringing Wonderland back to “normal” and removed the barrier and the Evil Queen is officially forgiven by the Queen of Hearts.

-Everyone was happy but then came the next matter: what to do with Courtly?

-After much discussion between the adults, it was decided that for having actively participate in the conspiration against the Queen of Hearts Courtly was going to be exile from Wonderland to NRC where she will be a student and being straighten up and being in house arrest where the teachers and the students will keep a very close eye on her.

-Once everything was settled, the Queen of Hearts invited everyone to her birthday party to celebrate the end of the curse.

-During the party the Queen of Hearts get to know Riddle, who was very honored to meet the current Queen of Hearts, and was very impressed by the amount of knowledge and understanding her daughter’s new friend had about her rules.

-If whoever who use the AU go with the Riddle/Lizzie ship: The Queen of Hearts will approve of the relationship, thinking Riddle is a fine young man perfect for her daughter and during a play of croquet during the party she will give Riddle a bright pink flamingo which Riddle and Lizzie will quickly understand the meaning as, as stated by the rule 069 of the Queen of Hearts rules “If the queen approve her heir’s relationship she must give her blessing during a game of croquet by offering her future in-law a bright pink flamingo”(made up rule for the AU).

-During the party Crowley and the other NRC teachers interrogate the NRC group about what happened to the Storybook of Legends and were very pleased to learn that the book was destroyed and Crowley happily announced that he will send a message to their world to be spread across Twisted Wonderland and the Ever After world to announce the wonderful news.

-As the party was going on, back in Twisted Wonderland and the Ever After world everyone received the news about the destruction of the Storybook of Legends, putting everyone in a euphoria, the Ever After world citizen were all overjoyed that they were finally officially free, that the destiny ideology finally came to an end.

-But back in the Never After realm Milton and Snow White, but particularly Milton, are enraged by what happened to the Storybook of Legends, falling step by step into madness in their anger and hunger for going back in control.

———————————————————————————

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[gumjester]

whether or not i would fight the following eah students

im drunk and found this in my notes from 2021. 😭 I NO LONGER STAND BY SOME OF THESE OPINIONS. but most i do. a semantic sequel to this post

Raven Queen: no. hasn't she already been through enough? also i'd definitely lose

Apple White: yes. god yes. it would be so funny

Briar Beauty: maybe while drunk, but something tells me it would be a very bad idea

Ashlynn Ella: no. god, how depressing would that be? though maybe she'd have a chance if she went at me with a stiletto

Hunter Huntsman: yes, because it would be funny to see how he would try to avoid killing me instantly

Cedar Wood: no. what's the point? it's like trying to kick the shit out of a really polite coffee table

Cerise Hood: MAYBE IF I WAS FEELING REALLY MEAN. it would be funny in a similar manner to hunter, but with the added tension of me constantly going for the hood. i know ur shit cerise. don't play w me

Blondie Lockes: i consider fighting blondie lockes one of my primary life goals. i will curbstomp that bitch in the middle of her own livestream

Sparrow Hood: 100%, mostly for public spectacle. idk if i would win but I'm sure we'd have a wonderful time. unless he has his guitar on him because he would defo play dirty and just start swinging it like a mace

Duchess Swan: no thank you. ballerinas are strong and duchess stores anger like nutrition for the winter. she would break my neck

Darling Charming: i don't think so. depending where she is on public knowledge of her secret she'd either purposefully lose or just wipe the floor with me. awkward all round

Dexter Charming: maybe, because i think if he gave it a proper go he'd win and i feel like that would be good for his self esteem

Daring Charming: yes, because i know i'd win if i straight away went for his face. bust his lip open. it would humble him

Lizzie Hearts: no ma'am. maybe i'd fare better in hand to hand combat but i can't imagine she'd keep any less than four knives on her person and lizzie is not the type to hold back. im heading straight to hospital

Kitty Cheshire: no. it would be humiliating. i can't see how i'd even get a hit in

Maddie Hatter: absolutely not. i have no qualms with her whatsoever, also she'd definitely kill me by accident

Alistair Wonderland: sure, why not. i want to see what all that time in apocalyptic wonderland has taught him, and whether it cancels out his status as a fucking nerd

Bunny Blanc: no, because i don't want to go to jail for homicide. she is a 5 foot nothing rabbit who can barely stand up by herself. she'd die if i poked her with a toothpick

Chase Redford: NO. if he didn't want to fight he'd just silently let me hit him for like an hour, and if he was About It then he'd instantly fucking annihilate me. just leave the boy alone

Courtly Jester: I KNOW I'D LOSE BUT IT'S THE PRINCIPLE OF THE THING. I HAVE TO FIGHT HER. i might even have a chance if she wasn't allowed to pirate any dark magic

Humphrey Dumpty: i feel cruel for even thinking about this. he's a skinny gamer with a physical predisposition for getting hit. it would be like shooting fish in the most depressing barrel

Hopper Croakington II: NO. HE IS MY FUCKING BOY AND I'LL PROTECT HIM WITH EVERYTHING I HAVE. also i could just flirt and then stamp on the frog

Faybelle Thorn: yeah sure. this may sound egotistical but i'm pretty sure i could win if magic wasn't involved

Crystal Winter: yes. the bitch would trip over her own shoelaces and knock herself out

[forsakenostalgia]

Saw this while scrolling on Pinterest and wondered how these would correlate with EAH characters. So here's my thoughts:

Confident and Arrogant could probably be Daring. I don't see his character as arrogant but for the sake of this post I'm matching characters I think these tropes could potentially fit with.

Determined and Obsessive could potentially be Apple but I'm not 100% certain on this one. She is one of the most determined characters in EAH, and we've seen her obsession regarding everyone needing to follow their destinies.

Brave and Reckless is Darling because it's very fitting for her character. Although she probably takes great caution in being a knight and being safe, there could be a small chance her bravery turns into recklessness somehow.

Intelligent and Manipulative might be Dexter, Humphrey, or Rosabella. I'm picking all 3 of them because I feel like there are plenty of scenarios where they would be able to use their intelligence to manipulate others in some way.

Lastly, Ambitious and Ruthless is Raven. It's very easy to see how her ambition could end with ruthlessness. We know Raven fought for everyone having the freedom to write their own destinies, but what if that ambition she had from the very beginning turned into something more negative later on. And since she's the daughter of the Evil Queen, this one naturally makes sense.

I just want to say this isn't any hate or slander towards any of the characters I choose. It's just a fun little write-up I had the thought of doing! 🫣