#but for now i refuse

[clericofshadows]

big place!

Description: Kaidan, Ashley, and Regis take in the Ctiadel's sights, and Ashley ends up gaining some interesting information about her new crew.

Paring: Regis Shepard/Kaidan Alenko

“Big place!” Kaidan exclaimed, looking out over the nebula view of the Citadel.

Regis smiled, standing behind him and Williams, watching the traffic go by.  Never change, Kaidan.

Williams turned her head to look over at Kaidan.  “That your… professional opinion, sir?”

Regis coughed to hide his snort, but given the glance Kaidan gave him, he didn’t do a very good job of it.  “I don’t see how they can keep tabs on all this.  The Presidium might as well be on another planet.”

“There is definitely a gap between their presentation and what’s here,” Kaidan observed.  “Tracking arrivals must be a nightmare.”

“This makes Jump Zero look like a porta-john, and it’s the largest deep space station the Alliance has,” Williams chimed in, looking around.

“Jump Zero was big, but this is a whole nother scale. Look at those ward arms!  How do they keep all that mass from flying apart?” Kaidan leaned in closer against the railing.

“I’d love to find out, honestly,” Regis said, crossing his arms behind his back.  “But you won’t catch me living here anytime soon.  I imagine they’re careful with newcomers.”

“I don’t think it’s for me, either, but you can’t deny the allure.  They probably just want to keep everything running,” Kaidan replied.  “It has to be hard keeping all these cultures working together.”

“Or maybe they just don’t like humans,” Williams muttered.  Ah, interesting.

He knew there was a reason he liked her, but now he had a more tangible reason.  Someone more skeptical of the council, willing to speak up against the common opinion, not immediately staying quiet.  Good.

But Regis had to play with her a bit.  “Why not?  We’ve got oceans, beautiful men, this emotion called love…” He glanced at Kaidan.  “According to the old vids, we have everything they want.”

“Wait, beautiful men?” Williams turned around so she was facing him, leaning against the barrier.  “Well damn, I didn’t expect you to be so open out in the field.”

Regis shrugged.  “Not really a secret to me.  Couldn’t resist.”

“And when you put it that way, there’s no reason why they wouldn’t like you,” Kaidan said, moving to stand closer to Regis.  Not quite touching, but not exactly far enough apart to call it friendly.  Testing the waters. 

A bold move from Kaidan, but also not unlike him. Kaidan wasn't afraid to be open about their relationship, but it still surprised Regis a bit to see him toe the fraternization line.

Williams tilted her head to the side, looking at the two of them with narrowed eyes.  “Hold on, I’m missing something here.”

Regis pressed a finger to his lips and winked.  “You’re smart, Chief.  You can figure it out.”

“Damn!  Mighty bold of you two,” she said, giving them an appraising look.  Not one of judgment, but rather one of approval.  “With a mission like this, how the hell did you keep it under wraps?  The way you two fought together on Eden Prime, I figured you had years of service history.”

No words spoken between them on Eden Prime, a quiet colony turned battlefield in a blink of an eye.  A connection gained by years of learning each other through biotics, testing new mnemonics and stretching the limits of what the gravity well can do.    Combining skills to break through the walls of geth, tech hacks breaking down shields before blasting them away with a Throw.  Singularities formed by Kaidan’s strong control were wrecked apart by Regis’s powerful Warps.  Kaidan’s Pulls making perfect targets for Regis’s sniper. Williams was a great asset to have on the field, and her marksman skills blended well with their biotics.  But this was an opportunity that the lovers hadn’t had yet in their Alliance career beyond shore leaves and rare moments training together, choosing to forge their own paths apart in the service. Knowing each other beyond just years of understanding, beyond shared experiences and many intimate moments, exploring each other’s lives and bodies.  A connection only biotics can share.  The biotic corona burns brightly on the battlefield, and with it, it tells a story.   Kaidan and Regis wrote their own story within the mnemonics they share, an understanding of how the other moves, casts, and fights.   Regis’s violet and Kaidan’s blue, creating a beautifully brutal vision.   The trust they share is unbreakable. 

Kaidan and Regis shared a look.  “Actually,” Kaidan said, rubbing the back of his neck.  “This is the first time we’ve been able to serve together.  Shepard—” he nudged Regis in the shoulder— “prefers solo missions and spending his time teaching N recruits.”

After Torfan, he had the pick of any ship, any tour, any position by Captains and Admirals alike who wanted someone who could get the job done at any cost.  Regis willingly embraced the title the Alliance gave, the whispers at his presence, the worried and shocked looks from some green cadets who saw him appear as a biotic instructor.  

But that didn’t mean he wanted to give them what they wanted out of him. 

Choosing to teach and stay solo was his own form of rebellion.  These were his terms.

The Spectre nomination was a similar situation for him.  He didn’t necessarily like the idea of being their candidate knowing damn well what power the Spectres had and what they could get away with.  

Yet another title he has to embrace for the Allinace.  Turning it down would be a career suicide.

If this recent tribunal with the Council wasn’t already one…  He will find a way to pin Saren for what he did on Eden Prime.

Regis nodded.  “Yes, it’s true.  I call it biotic intuition.”

“Mmm hmm…” Williams didn’t seem convinced, rolling her eyes, but Regis wasn’t quite ready to spill his whole history to her yet. “Either way, I could definitely learn from the both of you.  I haven’t had the chance to work with many biotics.”

“We’d be happy to train with you,” Kaidan said.  “Show you how we prefer to fight and how you can adapt. And how we can adapt to you."

“I’ll take you up on that, LT.  Say, and you can tell me off for asking, but does the Captain know about… this?” She asked, gesturing between them.

“Anderson and I have history, and he reluctantly let the both of us on board knowing what Alenko and I share.  He couldn’t exactly pass up the chance to have two well decorated biotics at his disposal, and I’m picky who I work with.  I almost didn’t accept the Normandy position, but I figured it was about damn time I worked on a ship with a team again.”  Regis explained.

Not exactly true.  Anderson more or less told him that the Alliance wanted Regis on board the Normandy due to his Torfan history and that his talents were wasted otherwise, and that any objections of his were likely going to be ignored.  Regis personally disagreed with that assessment, as he was part of the key to getting more biotics into specialized positions in the N program and that many covert operations were successful because of his skills.

It was obviously a political move, and he wasn’t exactly fond of being the one they chose for that.  Knowing now that they wanted him to be the first Human Spectre didn’t exactly make him any happier about their move.

However, he wasn’t lying about Anderson’s reluctance to keep Kaidan as the head of marine detail.  Fraternization will always be an issue in the Alliance, and even if they had tied the knot, it was unlikely they would’ve been allowed to serve together on such a vessel.  

The only reason he let them both aboard was due to their biotic skills, and he knew Regis would make it part of his terms for accepting the position.  Anderson was well aware of their history at BAaT, which also meant he didn’t have to deal with Regis getting bitchy with a green L3 who wouldn’t be able to read his unique mnemonics or freak out about when Regis inevitably explodes his barrier on command.

Speaking from experience, of course.  

“Clearly it doesn’t stop you two from working well together.  Maybe if you do end up getting the Spectre position, you can make an authorization to allow your relationship on the Normandy.” She smiled.  “I’m joking, of course.”

Regis raised an eyebrow.  “I didn’t even think of that.  You’re a goddamn genius, Williams.”

“Wait, you’re serious?” She asked, breaking out into a laugh at the end of her question.  

Kaidan sighed.  “I’m afraid he is.”

“What do you mean, Alenko?  Think about it.” Regis said, egging him on.  

“I am.” Kaidan leaned against the railing.  “But unlike you, I can be professional about it.”

“So, you agree that it is a good idea?”

“All I’m saying is I wouldn’t stop you.  I’m just imagining what the response from the brass would be.”

“How the hell did I not notice something between the two of you sooner?” Williams asked, shaking her head, stopping what would easily become a long "argument" between them.  

“Trust me, we’ll be back to being good little Alliance soldiers once onboard the ship.  You just got a taste of what we’re really like,” Regis said.  “Let’s move out.  We’ve spent long enough here.” “What’s the plan, Shepard?” Kaidan asked, standing up straight, waiting for orders.  Williams mirrored him.

“Let’s check out the lead given by Barla Von first.  Seemed to be the most interesting to me,” Regis ordered.  

He could see Williams working well with his crew, with some time to get used to his style of command and combat.  She had great skills, but for whatever reason, her career in the Alliance seemed stagnant according to her files.  Multiple opportunities for advancement were denied for no apparent reason.

Something to look into after he gets more information about the Saren situation.  

Maybe also something he could use his Spectre authorization on, if it comes to it.

[lieu-rey]

first meeting

[aashiqeddiediaz]

you know what boils my blood.

over the last 2 weeks, i've seen countless patients walk into my urgent care center, symptomatic for so many things, refusing to get tested for covid and flu, citing that they don't want to knowingly bring it to their holiday tables. i had a patient tell me, verbatim, "i don't want to test for covid, because i don't want to be the asshole who brings it on a plane."

i understand that - i understand that holidays are times where people look forward to meeting loved ones that they might only see once a year, or where they get a break from the hectic back and forth of their lives.

but here's the thing - whether they get tested or not, they will bring whatever they have to their holiday tables. it's pure recklessness to know that you're sick, and walk into someone else's house spreading the disease.

today, january 2, i saw 91 patients, many of them who have tested positive for covid and flu. many of these patients are the same ones who didn't want testing 3 days ago, until their events were over, and now, they will have to reach out to everyone they know to let them know that they were positive because they were showing symptoms well before their event.

the next week or two? we're going to see many, many more, all people with symptoms that started around christmas. these are the only two viruses we test for rapidly in our office, but they are potent and can be fatal in many people.

so here's why i wrote this post, and maybe it's a little late, but - if you care about your loved ones, please get tested if you know you're sick. it doesn't have to be at a clinic if you don't want it to, because the over-the-counter tests work just fine too (if you test within 5-7 days of symptom onset). just...please don't try to run from the knowledge that you might have covid, because immunocompromised people, elderly people, people with co-morbidities like asthma, pregnancy, diabetes, etc...many of them may not recover. and they may not be sitting at your holiday table in the future because of it.

[soaptaculart]

Clingy

[catboy-teeth]

ToToDental - Only the Best Dental Care for your Pokémon Companions!

*Don't forget to schedule your Pokémon's annual check-up!*

[inkskinned]

"don't make it political!" .... what proportion of death and suffering must occur before politics are involved. if this isn't political, what is even the point of any politics, ever. of democracy. the words are "by the people for the people." if i am going to be left alone by my elected representatives to "figure it out" - to undergo damage, hardship, fear. what the fuck did i elect them for. what was their job. the entire point is that they handle this shit. this is why we were supposed to be electing leaders.

poverty is political. misogyny is political. gun control is political. climate change is political. how much aid a community gets is political. what the fuck are you talking about. it's been political this whole fucking time.

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[claraoswalds]

The Giggle // The Devil's Chord

+bonus

[stuckinapril]

I love Tumblr because nothing matters here truly. There are no influencers. Having followers doesn’t mean anything. It’s just a site where people post their sporadic thoughts and rb pretty pictures. Anyone who thinks any of this matters is woefully missing the point

[egophiliac]

do skully have pokemon?

Pumpkaboo is the obvious one, but y'know, sometimes the obvious one is the right one! (we'll say SUPER SIZE Pumpkaboo, just for fun. big pumpkin for big skeleton boy.) and another person actually also suggested Greavard, which I somehow hadn't considered, but feels so perfect that I feel like I should have. dangit.

(they can also have little Nightmare Suit costumes :D)

[thujaa]

based on this post

[belfry-ghost]

finally finished jason so i can post the hades art i mentioned here lmaoo

i'm more of a silly doodle kind of guy so fully lined/rendered stuff.... aigh

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

This wine tastes like pigs blood!

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[s-aint-elmo]

the theme is same faces

(ID in alt text)

bonus + design notes:

sparknotes:

tridentarii: the building block was "lions" (corona's mane of hair and king vibes + ianthe's scar lionking swagger) but i think i lost that plot at some point. regardless peep the earrings for symbols of their twisted mutualism. also they have dimples <3 bc on corona they're perfect and on ianthe (when she smiles wide enough) they're sickeningly dissonant

the nonas: harrow has curls bc i think the only thing funnier than saddling a nun who's been shaving her head since infancy with fast-growing hair is for that hair to be horrible messy springy curls that are barely spared from frizz by the sheer grease #bathingisn'tsafeformern. please also applaud my restraint in adhering to canon and not giving nona dimples. she deserved them

the sixth: came to me fully formed honestly. palamedes calls camilla beautiful enough for the alexandrites so i just let my heart and sapphism take the wheel here. for pal when i first read gtn i visualized him very differently but other artists made such a compelling case for scruffy pal that now i can't see him any other way

the second: also let my heart take the wheel here. wanted to draw a man carved out of hardwood so i did <3 at the caliber of necromancer that g1d is i know he probably wouldn't have so much scarring but the heart wants what it wants (cool factor). in my head and in my heart they're from wake

naberius: i don't have anything to say in my defense. i rewatched teen beach movie, found the perfect face claim and set the wheels of fate in motion. i think babs is hot the way a ken doll is hot, y'know? it takes yanny piloting his flesh mecha for him to be gender (<- testimonial from my masc nb friend)

[simpin-on-noodles]

What do you mean this DIDNT happen! Nah this canonically happened-

[ducktracy]

there are a lot of evil people in the world and a lot of darkness in the world and so it’s very important for me to stress that now more than ever is the time to spread kindness and compassion. combat the evil by not only not partaking in it, but actively refuting it. destroy the notion that being compassionate or generous or kind to someone is uncool or embarrassing or even scary. be the change you want to see. start a chain reaction. positivity only breeds more positivity. do an act of kindness for someone so that that person who is too afraid to do it themselves can see you, realize that they’re not alone, and perhaps sheepishly follow your example. and then the next person who is too afraid but sees that person can do the same. when bad news comes out about bad people or horrible atrocities in the world it’s such an easy impulse to despair, and obviously it’s important to feel what you need to feel. grieve. be angry. be sorrowful. be empathetic. but dust off your pants and get up and be a part of a chain reaction that, no matter how small the scale, and spread compassion and love and care. all the reasons why you might not—“it’s hard! it’s scary! people will make fun of me! it’s useless because there’s too much evil!” are all grade A arguments as to why you should. you have no idea how many people you could inspire to do the same. even if it doesn’t get you anyway far, you can at least say you have the nobility of trying. please choose love and please choose life. you are worth loving and you are worth inspiring others to love