#but for now i guess i gotta be satisfied with rambles
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wereh0gz · 2 months ago
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Not feeling great abt some of my creative endeavors rn
#ramblings#neg#specifically abt project: new moon#i can feel myself actively losing interest in continuing to write for it#like the main story is already out there and that's fine#but even tho i have ideas for oneshots and stuff to introduce more characters (like those redesigns for rouge and shadow i did a while ago)#it just. doesn't feel worth continuing. idk why#i guess it might be the lack of interest for my writing in general#or maybe project: new moon just. isn't that great#which is fine the point of the project was to do it for fun not to make something objectively good#but ig i'm just. not feeling it anymore? i don't feel satisfied with it like i did when i finished writing it#i still love my ocs and the redesigns i did of canon characters for it#and i'm glad i got the story i've had in my head since i was like 12 out there. even if it's very different from how i first envisioned it#but. i really just wanna put it to rest#i really don't feel like i can promise any more writing for it. not like anybody cared abt it anyway besides like 3-4 ppl + myself#idk man i wanna move on from it. i have other stuff i wanna write that i feel guilty for not doing#bc i'd said i'd write more for project: new moon and still haven't#i think i'd be happier if i let the fanfic go and just draw my ocs and my redesigns when i feel like it#without worrying abt the fic anymore#bc frankly ever since writing the epilogue my heart just didn't feel like it was in it#thinking abt it felt like a chore more than anything. so maybe it'd be for the best to just leave it as it is#that comic i said i'd write is still happening tho i still really wanna do it#but that's different from writing fanfic so#anyway. might turn the project: new moon blog into a general writing blog#if i finish the corrupted au fic i'm currently working on. idk yet we'll see#but yeah. i know i shouldn't trust how i feel past 9 pm but I've been feeling this for a while now so whatever#i think i should've seen this coming in retrospect. pretty much everything i do that isn't just art never gets much traction anyway#can't say i'm really giving up on it considering it's TECHNICALLY complete#but the way things are going feels almost exactly like the rp and ask blogs i've tried to run in the past#idk man. i gotta stop thinking abt this before the vague feelings of inadequacy spiral into something worse. goodnight
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nieamo · 6 months ago
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Lipstick
Summary: You're backstage with your girlfriend Rhea getting ready for her comeback
"10 more minutes Rhea, then we need you on stage" a member of the RAW production staff tells her before walking away. You're leaning over her while she's sitting more or less patiently on her chair, waiting for you to be done with your final touches on her make-up. "Stop fidgeting, I‘m almost done" you say with a warning tone. "Sorry, I guess I‘m just pretty nervous about coming back and all. Kind of feels like I‘ve been away for years and I'm really excited to be back even if I don't fight today but I still worry tha-" you stop her rambling by laying a finger on her lips and then tilt her chin up to look into her eyes "Hey, stop worrying for a second and listen to me. You have absolutely no reason to be worried. You are Rhea fucking Ripley! No one can live up to you and everyone out there knows it. So wipe that worried frown of your face, get up and get ready to kick some ass! Well maybe do the ass-kicking part figuratively, today's supposed to be just about showing your face again."
Rhea smiles and looks up at you lovingly. "What would I do without you?" "Crash and die" you respond smirking down at her. "Oho someone's feeling confident today." she says and cocks an eyebrow in a challenging way. "Well someone's gotta get you all riled up for the show" you respond. "Then you better be sure you can handle the consequences. Because trust me, if I don‘t get to fight today, I‘m sure as hell not going to go easy on a brat like you." she threatens. You grin slightly before leaning down and whispering into her ear: "You think that's going to scare me off? Try me, Mami." As soon as those last words left your mouth Rhea jumps to her feet and steps impossibly closer, slightly towering over you. "Ah ah ah not yet though, I‘m still not done with your makeup. Your lipstick is still missing." She sighs and lets you finish your work although this time she keeps standing right there, only millimeters in front of you, seemingly counting the seconds until you're done. "Alright I‘m d-" but you can‘t even finish that sentence before she picks you up, presses you against the wall and starts kissing you. You immediately start kissing her back and tightly grip onto her neck and shoulders. But before things could go any further there's a knock on the door and the same assistant as before says "3 minutes. We really need you in position now Rhea!" before hurrying away again. You reluctantly pull back from her lips and she grins saying: "Don't think we're done here. I want you packed up and ready to go as soon as I get off that stage understood?" "Yes" you reply and quickly add ", Mami" when she gives you a warning glare. Satisfied with that response she lets you down and turns to leave after giving you a quick slap on the ass. But you stop her and turn her around again saying "Wait! I have to redo your lipstick."
hellooo this was my first short little imagine. i‘ve been desperately craving some rhea fics so i thought i'd just start writing some myself. feel free to let me know what you think and thanks for reading :)
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imaricyeah12 · 2 months ago
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Kasane Teto, but what if she recieved a Vocaloid voicebank too?
I kinda uh liked how it turned out at first but then looking at after a while it looks.. really garbage ngl. I thought I cooked doing the colours and rendering but eww..
Anyways huge chunk of rambling under the cut
So we're aware that Teto, an Utauloid, now has a Synth V voicebank, right?
I like to think like.. yknow how Teto wanted to be a Vocaloid, like on par with Miku? But she was taking small steps and started out as an amateur Utau instead? Well looks like everything changed when Teto became a Synth V. It seems as if she ended up achieving more than what she dreamed. She ended up in one of the most phenomenal vocal Synth engine ever, with diamond clear voice, beautiful design and interesting outfit.
So like by now i think her initial dream of being a Vocaloid slowly faded away, more than satisfied with what she got.
Now.. what if now Vocaloid decided "hey we gotta recruit her into Vocaloid too she's actually really good and she's like.. in one of the most powerful vocal engines!! Wasn't being a Vocaloid her dream at one point?"
So they kinda convinced Teto to join Vocaloid. Kinda hesitant and nervous at first tho.
All-over-the-place Design rambling:
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Notice how Teto looks like she's trying so hard to look good enough to join Vocaloid? With an outfit almost similar to the Vocaloid ones (ie like Hatsune Miku's)? Awh look at her with her big dreams..
But this can't go on forever, yeah? Do you think she felt more and more hopeless about her dream coming true?
Then guess what?
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BAM, here comes Synthesizer V!! Look, she looks much more mature now, with a new outfit that looks more seperate to her initial vocaloid-rip-off outfit. Look at her she looks so proud and she knows she achieved far more than she dreamed.
I like to imagine that at this point she completely moved on from her dream of being a Vocaloid. Then.. imagine, suddenly she got an invitation to be a Vocaloid?
Now for my fan design I used a design similar to the SV one bcs I feel like she moved on from Vocaloid, therefore naturally she'd not rly revert back to wearing an outfit similar to yknow the Utau one (bad memories when she used to try so hard to please Vocaloid out of all things. You can notice the Utau outfit looked like the typical Vocaloid outfit like the one Miku worn). So yeah she'd wear something that looks nothing like her first outfit. Oh and uh the design almost looks like an knight or military or officer-esque uniform bcs i think it could represent how she could've gotten more tougher and mature n stuff. So uh yeah
This makes obv no sense I just tried to get my ideas out. Ahh I hope it's atleast comprehendible enough.
Pls give ideas to improve this piece they're def welcome i hate the way this looks ngl
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impactrueno · 2 months ago
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For a couple of weeks now I've been putting together some ideas for a Beetlejuice AU with some of the many "If only this happened instead of that" or "If things were like this instead" and today I began writing. I haven't wrote a fanfic in years, kinda makes me nervous but I can't seem to let all the BJ thing go, it's taking over my head and it's begging to get out some how. I feel like neither the 2nd movie or the musical, not even the animated series have me satisfied with how things came out at the end
i totally get you omg. i'm not a fanfic writer myself (hell i barely know how to read) but my head do be thinking about what ifs and turning them around in my head and putting them under the microscope and studying them in a petri dish etc etc you know these metaphors
i have my own au that i put aside for a bit to work on the comics, i started it as a way to work through the major depressive episode i just got out of. i still have the ideas bouncing around in my head but i gotta finish this beetleverse comic story even if it kills me
since i don't write fics, all i can do is either draw these comics or go on long winded rambles about the characters. i guess you could call those things "writing" too but idk...it's not the same. getting those thoughts out there helps me quiet my brain so hey that's something at least lol
anyway!! like i said, i know exactly how you feel. i'm rooting for you and your writing, i'm sure it'll be an interesting read!
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einsatzzz · 28 days ago
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For the weirdly specific artist ask game, can you answer 3, 4, and 14 ❤️
Heewwwooo Butter!!! Thank you for sending this, yipeee!!! 🥳🥳💖✨ I rambled too much with #3 (What ideas come from when you were little), I'm putting it last.
4. Fav character/subject that's a bitch to draw
I already answered this here, but I'll give you another. Lum/ine, Ae/ther, Ei, Xi/ao, Wan/derer and any of my other faves from any Mi/hoyo game that I play, because goddamn! Just look at their outfits! Back when I was still drawing fanarts for Gen/shin, I will die every time just from drawing the details of their clothing. But I was too down horrendous for Lu/mine to just give up on drawing her. So when I switched to drawing Sp/yFam fanarts right after, my art braincells are just "Thank God, this evil Gen/shin obsession has been defeated".
Not gonna lie, with them releasing Oro/ron and Sun/day so close to each other, I'm starting to feel the urge to draw them again...wtf djfbjsd Anyway, if anyone drawing Gen/shin fanart (specifically) comes across this by any chance, here's a lifesaver reference site that I used for their outfits. It made the experience slightly less painful.
14. Any favorite motifs
Motifs where there are opposites of light/darkness and sun/moon, but not exactly presented in a black/white way where you know from a glance which is the absolute good and which is the absolute evil. It's more of like ying yang, where there's "complementary and at the same time opposing forces" or that "in kindness, there's evil; in evil, there's kindness". I believe the gray blur where each of these sides converge is the best place ever to explore in fiction.
3. What ideas come from when you were little
The concept itself of making a comic! When I was around...I guess around 4th to 5th grade? Around ten years old or less? I remember drawing this comic of an original story I had back then. I think the setting is something like a historical drama in Ko/rea.
That's because even in the late 2000's and early 2010s, kd/ramas were popping off so hard in PH, almost every adult I knew were watching them. It would always play in the background whenever I'm doing homework or when my mother is tutoring me. The titles I can remember were Je/wel in the Pa/lace and Queen Se/ondok (<-OK I GOTTA CONFESS THIS ONE CHANGED MY BRAIN CHEMISTRY).
Anyway, my younger self got so into this original comic story, I probably ended up drawing up to like half a ream of papers? sdjfbjshvfshd It's all traditional drawings with short bond papers with just a shitty ballpoint black pen. I was ten years old(?), so it definitely looked not so good. It's a secret project so I'm the only one who knows about it and I also hid it under our cabinet like it's some lemon fanfic hahaha (it's more action, tragedy with a bit of romance) I think it's because of that bit of romance that I hid it out of embarrassment, also the papers were actually supposed to be for when we need to print something for school projects, so I think I thought I was gonna get scolded for "wasting" them. I'm not about risk myself getting whooped with either a slipper, belt or broom bro 💀💀💀
I think what happened after that is for when your art perception improves but ur art skills can't catch-up, so I kind of had an art block and wasn't satisfied with it anymore. Then I ripped the pages and threw the entire thing away dsjvfhdsfvshdf 🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿 I wish I didn't 🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿 I have no start point to compare my current art with anymore and I can't even remember the story or the OCs that I had in there anymore.
Anyway, I'm making up for it now by making comics seriously fr fr and I won't be deleting it even if a ten-wheeler art block truck hits me and runs me over.
This question made me look through the oldest fandom account I can remember, for possible old arts and it's actually so funny/embarrassing how passive-aggressive 14 year old me is. Someone commented "I don't like this ship! This character is only mine!" on a rarepair ship fanart I showed to the group and 14-year old me replied "I understand your feelings, but you're not his only fan so keep that to yourself next time ^_^" ajvfsghdcghsdcds other interactions are also full of haterism energy it makes me go GHURL STOP!!! 😭😭😭😭 THAT'S SO MEAN!!! This 14 year old is a wholeass different person, who does this bitch think they are?!
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citrine-elephant · 2 months ago
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thinkin about what woulda happened to leon if simmons did manage to capture him....
(lore ramble + whump idea ramble)
so... correct me if i'm wrong, but...
simmons wanted to pin everything on leon and helena, but probably leon specifically. because of benford wanting to expose raccoon, and because of leon both witnessing raccoon, and forced into servitude after his survival.
leon probably could have cleared his name with enough of a fight, i'd imagine. hunnigan would find something. ada would've dropped off intel that she could.
so wiping out tall oaks was the cherry on top -> to silence the "final" witness and potential whistleblower (assuming there's no one else who's as high of a threat to simmons)
... not to mention who leon's got a crush on...
was helena just a means to an end, then...? simmons was a sadistic fuck and would probably torture people for fun, but if she had any more significance to him, then, i missed it-
simmons was willing to kill a friend of 30 years to protect The Family and whatever the hell they had going on trying to control the world. clearly, peak mental stability.
but as sadistic as simmons was. he wouldn't have been satisfied pinning everything on leon (and helena) and having him rot in a cell, right? prison's too good.
who knows what he'd have done with helena. use her to continue torturing leon? probably.
simmons would've blacksited him probably. dead to the world. no one to save him.
shove it in real deep about how simmons won and leon lost. how everyone thinks leon's a (dead) terrorist. how everyone thinks he was the one to kill so many people. and maybe how simmons was a grand hero now... and how leon can't do a goddamn thing to fix that.
you think simmons would hunt down everyone? one by one. just to make leon miserable. what do you think he'd do with em? pin crimes on them? kill them? introduce them to his favourite torture doll?
i don't think simmons would even NEED to have a vendetta against leon. c-virus made him lose his mind, but... dude's a fuckin nutjob and probably pops a stiffy when someone marginally looks unhappy.
more lore rambling below! :3c... dear god,
came to me in mental illness (skin picking bcuz anxiety lol)
these ideas clicked far too late, but i haven't consumed ALL resident evil media. so ... gotta be nice to myself. some stuff gets lost in translation, some stuff has weird delivery, some things aren't obvious on a surface, or just below, level. be nice.... aough!
some of the ways the lore is delivered though. infinite darkness? i knew leon wasn't a bootlicker, but the scene with claire at the end felt off and i was so fuckin lost.... until someone else pointed out that he was protecting claire. (i'd like to know if leon saved chip thingie that for later, or anonymously whistleblowed that?)
i like that it's not so heavy-handed, but whew... i don't feel smart!
so leon was forced into his position, right? but it was because of what he witnessed, not that he was simply a survivor? or, well, what he witnessed and how he survived, i guess.
they could've easily shot him in the head, then and there. but, was he kept alive for sherry? or because he managed to survive all that?
was the threat against sherry a bluff?
with leon's nature being one to quite literally throw himself in front of a bullet for some stranger, that could've just been used against him, right?
would they have done anything to sherry? sure, they needed to conduct tests and whatnot, i know that's canon from re6. what would they have done, anyway?
was threatening sherry simply to fuck with leon's head and keep him in line? threatening leon's life would've done jack shit to coerce him. but an innocent kid...
and an innocent kid. was keeping leon alive to keep her in line, too? and to add, they hadn't seen each other for a long ass time, right? like. re6 leon recognized her (i sure as hell wouldn't) but they were kept apart? to... keep each other from rebellion or some shit? control and all that?
god, the amount of psychological torture he had to endure. brainwashing. to an extent, of course. how much of leon's survivors' guilt came from the government coercing him into working for them? how much he blamed himself. how much of that you think was put in his head for him?
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king-paimon · 5 months ago
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I've read up on your blog through a lot of Houseki no Kuni's manga. I liked your analysis though I gotta say come the last chapters, specifically since chapter 95, I didn't always agree with them.
I didn't need the end to be happy sunshine and rainbows, or the opposite, for Phos to go all revenge monster on the gems either. But at the end there, I felt like we all just accepted everything Ichikawa threw at us with no criticism, all that torture flattening the narrative's nuance, and if I didn't like it, I was seeing it through the wrong angle.
I know you don't act like that, which I appreciate. Throught all your reviews, you expressed understanding on why so many people disliked the story. Thank you for that, thank you for not being judgemental. And I'm glad you enjoyed the ride.
I just couldn't help but feel like so many story threads were left lose, and so many complete 180°s were thrown that didn't match the story or it's characters. Some people described it as a self-sabotaged narrative, and I see it. It wasn't enough to give me catharsis - especially with the character set up as the villain getting everything he wanted.
I guess I just had higher standards, which the story didn't meet. That is not a bad thing, after all.
I think my biggest gripe is with how Cairngorm's character was handled, and I'd like to include this here. The ambiguity of their predatory relationship was in poor taste, and remained unaddressed. I can see why so many of my friends left the series when that plot point happened. They deserved better.
Hi @intoxtinction! Thank you for sending me this message and sorry that it took me so long to finally respond. Real life has been kicking my butt and free time to do anything on here is a rarity. But I still wanted to write a response to you because I really loved your response! And yes, I saw the comment you left on my last HnK meta post. You're good; don't worry about it!
Thank you again for your kind words. I'm glad that you like my posts, even if they sometimes become long, nonsensical rambles and especially if you don't agree with some of my points! I love that. Whenever I wrote my posts, I always try to keep an open mind and take into account that all fans are different and would have different views when it comes to works works like HnK. As far as I can see, HnK is one of those works that is supposed to draw up conversations because it's not a simple, straight forward story with clear distinction between black/white moral characters. Everyone who reads it is going to view the events in the story differently based on their own beliefs and even if everyone's views conflict with one another, I think it's fascinating and even wonderful. So even if I may not agree with some fans when it comes to certain aspects of HnK, I never hold it against them. I don't want to demonize anyone for how they interpret the story, at least not too harshly anyways. I know when I'm biased, but I don't let that stop me from at least trying to understand where other fans are coming from. HnK was such a fascinatingly complex and unconventional story, and the fact that it can spur many views and feelings from people is one of the reasons whyI liked the series.
With that being said, however, I also think it's important to be open to properly critique our favorite works. HnK is not immune from these critiques, because for as much as I enjoyed following the story over the past couple of years, there are many aspects in the overall story that were far from satisfying. So many loose ends, incomplete character arches, and questionable story decisions... After being away from the story for some time now, it's become more apparent that there were many aspects to the HnK that has me question Haruko Ichikawa's story telling abilities. Don't get me wrong, she's shown to be a very fascinating storyteller and I overall liked what she created. But when it comes to the incomplete story threads for all of the other characters besides Phos, I can't tell if some of Ms. Ichikawa's decisions were intentionally left up for interpretation or if their stories were just not important to complete since at the end of the day, HnK is about Phos's story. One of these decisions I question the most about is Cairngorm's story arch, so I couldn't agree more with you, @intoxtinction. Cairngorm was done dirty in so many ways and they deserved a more satisfying ending to their story.
I was planning on writing two last posts that would be focusing on these topics. But because life has been kicking my butt too much lately, I don't know when they will be out, if at all at this point. But if I'm able to complete them, I hope you'll get the chance to read them and share your own thought. And again, it's totally fine if you don't agree with my points; I'd still love to read them!
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kafkaoftherubble · 9 months ago
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185.2章:放下?还是压抑?可贺,抑或可悲?
// Chapter 185.2: Detachment v. Repression
This ramble concerns To Your Eternity manga Chapter 185.2. It is edited from a conversation between (yea you guessed it) @bestbonnist and me after the chapter dropped before I had to hastily run off because sorry gotta see shits with my Besto Furrendo! Lisan al-Ghaib! Lisan al-Ghaib!!!
Although this chapter is devoid of hype moments—unlike C184.1 where plenty of us were sent into a frenzy— and good old macabre, this is genuinely one of my favorite chapters to date.
Because it became a really nice philosophical discussion between friends. Sounds a tad cheesy when I say it like that...
(1) Two Different Perspectives on Fushi's Latest State of Mind
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Ray expressed dismay that Fushi's coping mechanism seems to gave become even more terrible because they are essentially repressing their emotions. They are telling themself not to feel anything and to be detached. In the Wish Era, Fushi seemed to have become more resigned to their fate, which became starkly apparent when contrasted by the Doll and Andy's loud, outward desire to see Abel live.
That dismal observation actually stunned me—because I happened to see this development in a positive light. What better state of mind should Fushi aspire to attain apropos to their immortality... if not a state of non-attachment? After all, if they don't learn to be so, then the sheer impermanence of life will torment them forever. To me, non-attachment—or in a more English-natural manner of speaking, detachment—is a goal worthy of pursuing, even if it is often fraught with erratic instances such as mistaking "repressing one's emotions" as similar to "being genuinely unperturbed."
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(2) The Benefits of Attachment
In this story's universe, attachment keeps a person's faie (their soul) around.
Hence, to Ray, Fushi's loss of attachment implies their death (which I agree is a reasonable projection for the end of this story). When they no longer have anything to do—no goal—then it is time for them to move on.
But more than that, there's this other thing Ray is worried about. The manga asked whether Fushi is human, especially in its earlier exploration. Whether they think they are human. Therefore, it's hard to see Fushi's detachment as anything other than dehumanizing themself ("I'm not human so I don't deserve to be attached/feel bad when people I care about die.") It's one step to Fushi's progression into becoming a deity at the expense of their humanity.
This prospect is upsetting because they wanna see Fushi leave as a human being, as someone who dies after living a satisfying life like Yuuki did.
Ray also argued that there's a difference between acceptance and detachment. "Acceptance is acknowledging that something is out of your control and acknowledging that the way you feel about that." To them, Fushi seemed to have acknowledged that something was out of their control, but they hadn't yet acknowledged their feelings toward it.
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Then, they conceded that while Fushi was frank about being pained by people leaving, ultimately, the dude seemed deadset on trying to ignore that pain altogether. "Fushi isn't good at being 'above' feeling things!"
I agree with this. Of course, they aren't! One of Fushi's powers is supernatural empathy. They can't ignore the sensation of pain or (occasionally) love in their vicinity even if they try. Feeling shit is what they do, willingly or not. And from an emotional connection like that, one easily forms attachments.
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(3) The Common Error: Mistaking Detachment with Apathy
Strangely, at that point in our conversation, it became clear that Ray thought Fushi should not be detached because it stops them from accepting death—while I think Fushi should learn to be detached because it helps them to accept death. Same destination, but different ways of assessing detachment as a path.
Now, of course, when I use the term "detachment" or "non-attachment" (preferred), I'm once again drawing it from a Buddhist philosophical perspective. Because dude, it's me, 睿得失。You fucking signed up for this the moment you talk to me, bwaahhahahahaha!
Even Buddhists, born and raised, often make the mistake of conflating "equanimity," which non-attachment encourages, with "apathy."
One of the four sublime qualities (brahmavihārā), equanimity (upekkhā) is the state of being unwavering and unperturbed even in the face of loss and gain [1], good-repute and ill-repute, praise and censure, and sorrow and happiness. Its far enemies—as in, its direct contrasting vices—are greed and resentment. But its near enemy—the quality mendaciously close to equanimity—is apathy.
[1] Just a little aside: this is why I joked that Fushi should take up my self-given Chinese name in our conversation. 睿得失 means "being wise (about one's) gain and loss." The hope of attaining some semblance of upekkha is built into the name already.
Plenty of people think being detached means being uncaring and indifferent, and that it has some elements of dehumanization to it—be it to other people or to yourself. But it's not. Being detached is to keep a balance between concern and coercion. It's expressing compassion while being mindful not to conflate your genuine care with your desire to will things and people to bend to the state or situation you wanted.
Fushi and us mortals could easily realize one fact about life: it is truly impermanent. The desire to impose our will on the universe—as if there is some supernatural feature to our will that can influence things to happen—is a source of agitation. Life doesn't bend to our will; it indifferently stays impermanent even when we demand it to be permanent in some sort of personal bliss.
In Buddhist thought, it's our actions and intentions that impart changes. Our will (and our demanding desires) don't. We'll revisit this in our 5th Chapter later.
In other words! Contrary to Ray's interpretation, I see being detached not as imposing a limit on your compassion but liberating it from constraints. Now that you're detached, your mode of compassion is centered around the situation and people as they are, not as you hope them to be. True compassion asks for nothing in return—not because you suppress your demands, but because you genuinely have none to begin with.
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(4) Fushi's Laudable Baby Steps
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What really made me think that Fushi had grown here was their insistence that whether Abel lives or dies is "his decision to make."
Not Fushi's, despite their god-like powers. Not Doll or Andy, despite their love and attachment to Abel. It's Abel's choice. All Fushi can do is to accept whatever the man says—and that acceptance is only possible if they begin practicing detachment. After all, attachment results in the reactions Doll and Andy expressed.
To me, Fushi is taking a step in the right direction already. This is the kind of wisdom I think an immortal, most of all, should gradually pick up (I also think mortals like us should, too, but that's beside the point).
Here is where I think Ray's criticisms warrant merits in my interpretation: Actually practicing detachment/non-attachment is hard as fuck. I wouldn't deny that though it doesn't make you an apathetic non-human, you're not gonna be very normal-humanlike if you manage to be equanimous either. While learning to be detached, one often takes up a lot of problematic tactics and mistakes it to be detachment.
One such misguided tactic? Suppression of emotions. You force yourself to pretend you're not feeling anything instead of facing them and realizing their falsity while believing you're being detached. So Ray's concerns are completely warranted, because I don't believe Fushi has consummated their learning either. They wouldn't have lied about the massacre if they were really that detached.
Repressing your emotion, as a tactic, is wrong, but it is the hallmark of someone who's trying to get there, especially when you compound it with the philosophy Fushi was articulating. They care. But they are also being clear-eyed about the limits of their demand.
I don't think they seem resigned here. I think they are being wise. Baby steps, and their method is imperfect, but good nonetheless.
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(5) Yuuki the GOAT and His Biggest W Yet
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Fushi grappled with wanting to impose their will to make others live as long as they in the Modern Arc, right? That's one of their biggest and most constant sources of dukkha (dissatisfaction/suffering). But Yuuki's satisfying death and life... actually steered him in the right direction!
Fushi didn't come to earn detachment because of some horrible, tragic death turning them jaded and cynical. They learned because Yuuki's life and death were that fucking good.
Learning philosophy from pain is all well and good. It is usually how people learn it (few would give a fuck about existentialism or Buddhist philosophy or stoicism or what-have-you if they weren't in a personal crisis). But learning philosophy from joy is a whole other thing. Whatever you learned from that instance has no hint of jadedness and cynicism to corrupt your thinking; it's like making a decision when you're at the most optimal state.
This is Yuuki's victory. He influenced and taught Fushi without giving him pain or trauma to live by. He was not some main character of a tragedy despite outwardly looking like a bumbling normie.
Think about it: none of the Immortals who were attached to Fushi, until now, had been capable of influencing and teaching them without accidentally leaving some grief, pain, and trauma!
Why does Fushi take on Yuuki's form so much lately—if not because Yuuki is the only one who managed to teach them without the use of pain or trauma or anything like that?
And as Ray pointed out, Yuuki was the form embodying "Peace." Even his death was offscreen and peaceful. On a bed, unpoisoned and unhurt. Fushi remembers him constantly because he makes them feel at ease.
"It's our actions and intentions that impart changes," that was what I mentioned in Chapter 3 of this long-ass ramble. Here it is exemplified. People inherit the fruits of other people's actions (and you yourself are one of those who will inherit your own actions, too). And well? These are the fruits of Yuuki's actions that Fushi continues to reap even now.
That's how complete Yuuki's W is. He managed to leave just the kind of food for thought for an Immortal that eventually set them up to grasp the kind of wisdom they lacked. Who says the Modern Arc has no lessons?
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(6) Conclusion, or The Abrupt Ending of a Conversation
As you can tell, I really don't think Fushi's latest development is bad. Bittersweet and a bit of a mixed bag, sure, but I ultimately think it's commendable rather than worrisome. Of course, my ass interpreting things through a Buddhist lens has a lot to do with it, but brutha, this is exactly my niche! You should have seen me talk about non-self vis-a-vis Fushi in a YouTube comment section!
Ray did leave this paragraph that had eluded me because, again, the Muaa'dib was calling me and I really gotta go:
"I have a potential counter-argument for you, which is about how Fushi's ideal person to follow is kind of a mix of Yuuki (as you explained) and Kahaku (bag of mess and you haven't read that part of the present era anyways), which is putting the concept of detachment together with a really selfish kind of selflessness (as we talked about). But I'm not clear on whether that's still there after their fight with the left hand. I feel like it's lingering a little but I haven't seen much evidence for it in the wish era."
Now, I don't really know what that whole bit was like because I didn't actually read all of the Modern Arc—just the latter half. But again, "detachment" and "self-lessness" are complementary and forward-feeding to one another in Buddhist Philosophy, so on this concept alone, I don't see a clash.
I should probably clarify what Ray's "selfish kind of selflessness" meant here, but... I'm kinda tired now. And I've briefly touched on this in my essay about... Gojo Satoru, goddamn it.
Or maybe Ray should explain it themself! I distinctly remember someone owing me like, 3 essays or something. I'm such a kindhearted person I'm willing to give them a discount and accept just one essay for this week, though. Don't squander it, you!
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Thank you for reading my ramble.
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Did you enjoy this? If yes, wouldn't it be really fucking cool if you get to read essays and commentaries like these, alongside fanfic and fanart and other interesting bits, in one place?!
BECAUSE! We are thinking of starting a To Your Eternity zine! It's merely in its Interest Check phase, but you gotta fill this form up so we can see just how many people in our modest little fandom want this! Be a supporter or a contributor, it don't matter at this stage! Support is the currency here!
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mahgck · 2 days ago
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Well who is Telemachus. Who is Eumaeus and Philoetius. We gotta make this real now
FUCKING! i dont know. hang on let me think.
MCYT ILIAD/ODYSSEY AU RAMBLING FOR MILES AHEAD
phil odysseus as established. achilles and hector are foolish and bad because i think thats so fucking funny. theres no other reason. philza minecraft throws skephalos infant son off a wall. foolish would LOVE to drag badboyhalos festering corpse around a besieged city three times. for fun.
now the thing about patrocles is hes all the acheans special little guy. foolish is also everyones special little guy but you know whos even More our special guy. jaiden animations. yes i know it should probably be vegetta yes i KNOWWWWWW patrochilles platonic BLEH but well. here we are. jaiden also wore foolish's head all the time which is CLOSE ENOUGH!!! to godly armor.
of course we have already established philza minecraft as odysseus. cannot be anyone else. which i suppose makes someone of that brood telemachus and it should probably be tommy but ill say its tubbo. idk. BUT as for diomedes WHOOOOO is philza minecrafts work wife. is it sneeg or is it fit. i want to say fit because theyve known eachother for less time. is phils dog named 2b2t in this au. sure. i know you asked specifically about eumaeus and philoetius but idrc about them sorry if they're your special little guys. they can be ian and wolfy
menelaus is tricky because by considering menelaus we also have to then consider agamemnon helen and thus paris. so what the fuck do we do here. i say paris is baghera because that is so so funny to me. and then agamemnon can be etoiles??? But agamemnon is so fucking not etoiles. this is hard. fuck it idc tina helen menelaus bagi. this doesnt work. whatever. my agenda.
UMMMMM ok the odyssey Fuckkkk fuck i think hannah should be circe and LMAOOO WAIT ykow what would be soooo fuckjng funny tommyinnit in a calypso role LMAO nooooo phil dont leave me youre my FATHER i NEED you... wait thats actually kinda fucked lmao also this way i guess we mirror tommy and tubbo in a nice way yknow fake son keeping you trapped on an island for five years vs real son. talking to fucking. bagina. I guess. i cant think anymore its 1am i need to sleep. Anon i hope you are satisfied.
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michameinmicha · 21 days ago
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Would you mind talking a bit about your most recent project zomboid game/character? Or maybe your favourite mod or some fun facts about how you play? I'm super interested in this game but i have to wait a little longer before i can get it but i like to see others online talk about it! (i wanna buy it for myself as a xmas present hehe)
Hi yes i love talking about PZ! :D
(sorry for taking a while for this answer... and this got long again, which was to be expected... hope you like reading a LOT about pz lol)
So my current character is called Killer Green. They're the third char i created in this sandbox game (starting location Louisville, with a mod). the first one was Baby Green, who lived a surprising 6 (i think?) months and then got killed by an unexpected group of zombies inside a building :( I made a second char (Angel Green) to avenge them but had to find out the hard way, that you can't throw molotow coctails out of a broken window, trying to will set you on fire and kill you. :(( Thus char 3, Killer was born, (i named them that because i was so angry lol) who has since retrieved Angel's corpse and burried them beside the safe house. We are still looking for Baby's Zombie (which must be somewhere in this fucking city but by now they could be pretty much anywhere ugh) I am determined to find and kill it and to bury Baby's body next to Angel's so they can be home and in peace.
So yeah, this is my story now. (Gotta say i do like having a goal!) In the meantime i've set up a second base in the middle of the city, close to where Baby died so i can stay there for a few days at a time. I'm also contonuing to work on my main base (a largeish House by the river on the West side of the city) and building up Killer's skills since they had to start from zero ofc after Baby died.
Deciding a favourite mod is hard, because like many. I'm gonna list a few that i think make the biggest impact on how i play:
Change Sandbox Options (by star) - Let's you access the sandbox options mid-game, so you can change things around without having to start a new game. very useful, especially while you start out and try out different things!
Louisville Spawn - Adds LV as a starting location (i would NOT advise you to start in LV if you're a beginner, it's really hard. but i like it, now that i got used to the game and stuff.)
Antibodies (v1.85) - makes the infection potentially less deadly (you can decide in the settings how likely you want the infection to turn you into a zombie. I like this especially because at the beginning i never lived long enough to even start learning skills and stuff before i got bit and had to start all over again.......)
Uhm i play solo and i guess i like find a safe house and use it as a base while going out to explore/loot stuff. I'm not much of a traveller for more than a few days at a time (kudos to the players who live out of their car, i could never, i just like to hoard stuff too much lol)
I like to set myself goals to achieve (like collecting things and such) to keep the later game interesting :3
Random fun fact: I love composting! I can not explain why but for some reason it is super satisfying to me to collect rotten food and putting it in the composter. I literally have 2 composters in my backyard, that are always full and several bags of garbage that i still need to put in as soon as they have some space again lol. By now i have more compost than i can use for fertilizing (it's winter rn) but i still collect rotten stuff wherever i go xD
Also not sure if this is a fun fact but in my experience i pretty much never get bitten/scratched on the legs so when the temperature allows it, i wear shorts/ a mini skirt and fishnets, which i think looks so good with the leather jacket and military boots! (very gender uwu) (Other than that i mostly chose clothes for protection rather than style, but the legs are ✨fashion✨)
If you want more rambling or tips or whatever, as you can see i really love to talk about it, so feel free to ask anything!!
i hope you have fun with the game, once you get it! It's a great christmas present in my opinion, you can have hundreds of hours of fun with it xD (and please don't get discouraged if it is too hard at first, just keep trying and you'll get into it, as long as you dont give up! (and i can give you some beginner tips of what helped me when i started out, if u want) If you have seen others play it and liked what you saw, then you'll like playing it too i'm sure!)
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wellofdean · 2 months ago
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the trap anon here! i wanna second your post about enjoying sharing different thoughts about things. i really appreciate some of the more positive posts i’ve seen about the trap, like yours, reframing it to emphasize the beauty of love, compassion, and forgiveness. i do really like that.
unfortunately i’ve come to the realization that my issue with the trap feels bigger cause it relates to one of my issues with s15 overall—there’s just not enough time. thinking it through more, i’m not so much bitter about what dean says (in some part thanks to all the positive takes i’ve seen :)), but it still feels incomplete. like it goes back to the fact that yeah they don’t ever get that time to decompress. i def agree that they couldn’t get into it all then, with everything still going on and on and on. and yeah i guess ‘calmly’ was the wrong word haha, but i do think, if they had that chance, dean would be able to be a little more clear about his needs. but he never gets the chance. or rather, dean and cas don’t get to have a bigger conversation without all the weight of the world on their shoulders—they’re not allowed to by the time constraints of the season, and it seems like dean gets the short end of the stick, even with cas’s confession (cause then cas is gone 🥺), and it’s not so much the in-world or watsonian explanation but the doylist effects that disappoint me … and idk i guess this is one of those situations where i’m just not satisfied by assuming that they talked more off-screen, if that makes sense.
ahh anyway, sorry for rambling even more in your asks! i hope this isn’t weird, or like responding too much, and ofc, no pressure to respond back. but i am enjoying talking about this topic so cordially :)
First, let me say that yes! Cordial discussion! I think there is a climate of being...I dunno, afraid to disagree. I wonder if it felt like a vague-post call-out, that I made my own post and referenced things on my dash without naming any names or reblogging something, but I did that so as not to muck up anyone's notes and to not argue directly with anyone. If that was wrong, mea culpa everyone! I really just love you all for being here, four years later, still obsessed with my TV boyfriends. If not for you I would be all alone in this, losing my damn mind. And like, this is a TV show we are talking about! It's totally fine to disagree, or to feel like what you're seeing in it is more important for you! Thanks for these asks, and for being willing to discuss.
I will say that I am, generally speaking, less interested in Doylist commentary. My background is in literary theory, and even there, I am more interested in closely reading what's on the page than I am in a writer's biography or intention. I am more interested in the story they actually told than anything else. That said, I think there are genuine and in fact catastrophic Doylist issues with the end of SPN. If we are generous? COVID. If we suspect foul play? The Network PTB. For me, the ones least to blame are the writers and the actors, because what's on the screen makes it pretty clear what story they wanted to tell.
My argument about The Trap is just this: it's a beautiful scene, and Dean said things he needed to say, not because of any culpability he bears, but for the health of his own heart. It's in-character, beautifully acted, and the things he says sound right in Dean's voice. Jensen, keeper of Dean, clearly believed in it. I like the writing in that episode a lot. I think that scene is really moving, and that expecting it to be the thing that fixes them is putting too much weight on it. What I see in it is Dean unburdening his heart and needing to not let himself dwell on grievances because time is short, and love is more important, and he LOVES that angel. I love that. I love DEAN for that. It would have ruined the scene if he was saying "I'm sorry it took me until now to say it...but, Cas, man...you gotta..." Dean doesn't even know if Cas is ALIVE in that scene. He is making a desperate, last ditch effort to get himself right and tell Cas he loves him; that he forgave him a long time ago. It has to be pure grace. They were right to write it that way, imho. And then Cas doesn't let him say more, and it's because he is afraid to let himself be happy.
Can an argument be made that Cas should have told Dean about his deal with the empty? Sure! Could they have done a million other things than the things they did? INFINITELY! So, to your other point about there not being enough time in the end of SPN? and their not doing enough to let Dean say his piece, I mean... I agree? I would have preferred it if SPN never ended? Like, please let it continue literally forever? Please show me every single minute of Dean's life? I love him so, so much and I never want to live without him? Of course I wanted them to finally communicate directly about their relationship! And, make out! And then go to bed in Dean's sweet, gun be-decked room! And then have Sam burst into their room for some reason, and find them sleepily spooning (Dean's the little spoon! He deserves it!) and obviously naked! And they spring apart and Sams says "Oh, so...this is happening?" and Dean says "AND HOW!" with a big, shit-eating grin he can't suppress... Like... yes! ALL THAT. PLEASE AND THANK YOU! I will confess, though, that I don't think healthy relationship/therapy-type talks about their feelings appeal to me in the context of these characters or this story, but otherwise? Yes! I wanted it resolved.
And, Anon, I most fervently agree with you that Dean gets the short end of the stick. Like, quite literally, where, like, the stick is a piece of fucking rebar and I make no secret of the fact that the end of Supernatural, especially the last episode, is the biggest narrative shit sandwich I have ever been served and somehow choked down in all my life. It's fucking MALPRACTICE, and seriously, after Cas's beautiful goodbye, it would really have taken VERY LITTLE to satisfy me. They could have just had Cas be there in Dean's heaven, and have Dean look at him with those fucking big, wet eyes of his and hug him tight, and I would have been like...ok. I can live with that! But they did not do that. They sent my baby Dean to boring drive heaven and made him meet Sam on a bridge. I mean...fuck that. I am ready with my pitchfork!
Just...The Trap was still beautiful. It was a shining moment. Dean had never looked prettier. What he said was important FOR HIM. The forest sucked in the end, but that was a fucking beautiful tree. That's really all I'm saying.
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a-bombyx-mori · 2 months ago
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poking around on spotify earlier and saw that ghost hit 1 mil monthly listeners,,, holy shit!! and their work has been a constant in my life for about 7 years now holy fuck.
gets me thinking about their impact and stuff. still have mixed emotions about everything because they sure did get good and bad attention while they were online. it's gotta be satisfying to see so many people enjoy your art and music and for them to even pay for it. then there's all the problems that come with any fanbase or online presence in general. and I've been here a while so here's just a few things that stand out to me about. everything? things I've thought about a bit?
(this became a long reflection ramble thing whoops.)
I've never really had other songs or writing at all describe the weird mental shit I've been through. yep, it's probably dumb, but ghost and pals songs helped me identity my problems. they became a source of catharsis when I was in fucking middle school and still are to this day. hell, evolve was the first thing that got me thinking I had been in a horrible relationship (along with twisted love ofc). aoapp was a reflection of my anxious attachment for a long time. I wouldn't have been able to make personal progress the past few years without analyzing songs too much.
and don't get me started on their drawings,, their artstyle has always been so charming in its own way. for a long time I tried to emulate their techniques so I could be an artist too. AND THEIR PV EDITING?? mgnghfh full course meal. I still set stills as backgrounds every so often. the fucking colorbars picture was my email background for years until google decided to stop loading it sometime last year.
I still admire them so much.
but there's also things they did that feel off. like I'll never get over how the new chattering was supposed to be a joke. you can't go and make a polished banger showing off your improvement and then say "yeah lol I only did this cause my friend joked about doing it so I said bet." or smth along those lines. (ghost said they remade it cause creep-p joked about it. in a tweet I think? gotta find it.) at that point, it also becomes a slight against your fans. you can't act like everything you make is (essentially) worthless without unintentionally shaming those who enjoy it. it's like that one mirror reflection picture thing.
the whole deletion of specific songs/most of their old discography is also it's own complex beast. ideally, an artist should be in control of when their art is displayed, but you give up that agency when using the internet. hell, there's mirrors of my old Instagram pages, and I'm nowhere near ghost's notoriety. thats the nature of the internet. shit is saved and copied and reuploaded all the time. the only way you can prevent that is by not uploading it at all or going through copyright law/terms of use/etc.
when I first started listening to ghost, they had their old work in an unlisted playlist. cool. then another channel I believe? then later on there was no official way of getting them so ofc people reuploaded them. was that the best thing to do? nope. but people enjoy their old songs and wanted access to them. and not everyone has a local back-up of music cause they're afraid it'll become inaccessible lost media.
them deleting most of their music vids is similar. this happened around like 2018ish? people started reuploading their current songs because. guess what. they weren't officially avaliable. people were thanking translators and such who had the pvs on their channel because they had access to it again. I believe something like this happened a second time but I don't remember for sure.
THIS DOESN'T EXCUSE ANY OF THE PATREON LEAKS BTW. those were paywalled benefits so that's a fundamental breach of privacy (and site rules, I'm p sure).
also less serious thing but they set up a premiere at the end of 2019 for a new song or whatever and it turned out to be a fucking joke too. just like a dr phil picture or smth. only upset at that cause back then I'd get the biggest fucking adrenaline rush whenever they were about to release something. then again I was also depressed as hell so that's an old me problem imo.
there's probably other drama or whatever I'm completely forgetting about, but probably for the better. in the end it's all about the art we're here for in the first place, and the artist behind it. I hope they're doing well after detaching from social media.
uh. long essay thing over now. I think
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astronomic727 · 4 months ago
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Ngl I've been feeling a bit burnt out for a while, so I figured this may be a good time for me to start periodically posting old stuff from my Instagram and Twitter accounts that I've moved on from. There will of course be new drawings/posts in between too! Just gotta recharge is all. I guess for a bit of insight, and also story time I suppose, for the past few months I've been having driving lessons and I had my test a few days ago. Thankfully, I managed to pass but I think the stress of the journey coupled with pushing two videos out a week apart, and everything else that had happened in those months took some sort of toll on me overtime. So yeah, not taking a break or anything per say, just will be posting old stuff more often so it's all archived somewhere, and to take pressure off feeling the need to upload something here and there. With these old doodle dumps I'm also probably gonna give some insight into how I feel about them from an artistic standpoint. I may have not much to say, or I may have a lot, who knows lol. Anyway to begin with the stuff in this post, it's all fairly recent. Some were Insta posts, others were Insta stories. We have Via messing with a cranky Kayleigh, the sister's parents when they were young adults (Evelyn is dirty from working on her motorbike, and Vance is working towards his degree in Astronomy), sleepy Via helping Kayleigh get ready for school, young Via and Orion, and the duo again but in 2 memes lol For how I feel about these, it's complicated... this technically goes for like most doodles I've done up to now too, but I'm not fully satisfied. I'm happy with my full illustrations, but I feel as though my doodles miss the mark. It's like a weird perfectionist mental block or something, these are only meant to be sketches but it takes me forever to do them for some reason, and also (what is probably the reason why it takes so long) that along the way my sketch lines somehow turn into lines of line art quality. But I feel this over cleanliness sucks the soul out of my doodles and makes them feel flat. More recently to combat this, I've tried to give slight shading to these doodles whether it be cel or gradient shaded, like the Fortnite or Streetview meme posts I did, but I feel like I need to embrace sketchiness more, for both time saving sake and for appeal. Maybe I also need to do some experimenting with new brushes too, idk. Maybe I'm being overdramatic lol but that's just how I've felt for a long time, and just felt like getting it off my chest. Anyhoo, enough rambling... boy, you thought I had a lot to say here? Just wait till we get to the older stuff lmao, but anyway, I'll ponder on these thoughts, but see you all until then :)
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distant--shadow · 1 year ago
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get to know meme
lil thing where I'll give a bit too much detail so it fills its purpose, honoured honestly to be tagged by three of my favourite writers in this space @sharkodactyl, @unicyclehippo , and @astoriacolumnstaircase - anyone reading this should be reading their works instead.
favourite colour: brown(s), like a mid to a dark tone, i like them to have a bit of red involved. like our old-boy chet, I love the wood. my dream home would be all wood-panelled with built in inlayed and set back shelves and nooks a plenty and yeah just full of brik-a-brak. otherwise my favourite colours are navy blue and greens that are more mixed with blue than yellow, teals and emeralds and once again generally around the mid tones. green makes me very happy. moss and outdoors and all that.
currently reading: fic. haha. (suss my recommend reading tag) I did venture out to my (very) local queer bookshop and asked them for something that won't send me on a spiral if I'm already on one/provide some escapism and they reccomended river of teeth by Sarah gailey. anyone I've said about it to seems real enthusiastic about it, I am not well read at all when it comes to published things, tend to just get really into a few fandom authors works and picking them apart (rereading a lot) . still haven't started it but maybe I'll try take it out to the park in the next week or so. I'm dabbling in reading (and unfortunately writing) poetry thanks to @picturesofthegoneworlds and @blorbotomy 's influence, those mini books are fun to keep on you when out and about, poem or two on a tree stump or boulder with a grand vista and a brain that wants eyes on a phone screen.
last song: last song I consciously (not background music) listened to was:
youtube
I went on an early lord snow stint the other night because the air smelt crisp and there was a nice chill. they have remained my favourite heavy (as a broad term) band for a decade now.
I used to have music on all of the time, whether that be cd's at home or in my mp3 player (that I still take out with me) but these days I find listening more of an intentional activity and I prefer to have people just nattering when I'm at home and want background noise. think it's where my heads at and I've just got more sensitive to being overstimulated I guess. I was also pretty good at going to a live gig at least once a week before I did my back in, looking forward to getting into that habit again.
last series: I don't watch much stuff outside of critical role, least other than YouTube videos I'll put on whislt I'm drawing. oh wait yeah I ordered 3 seasons of xena on ebay because it's like a couple of quid a season and it is a real good comfort show and fucking amazing. I hadn't seen it since I was pre teen and it was on day time TV and I'd catch it on sick days. the amount of people I've brought it up to these past few months who've been so stoked to be reminded of it/eager to watch it with me is actually hilarious.
last movie: uhhhh God movies I watch even less. I haven't been to a cinema in over 12 years now, just not my thing, and it's funny caus my mum used to work in the film and TV industry and we had shelves and shelves full of VHS growing up (mostly bootlegged) and she can just ramble about pretty much any early era film up to the stuff from the 80s (when she was working on em) for days. never could sit through em, never felt satisfied with how the story went. guess that's why actual play appeals to me. but saying all this I did rewatch Bound for the first time since I was like 15 last month or so, enjoyed it a lot more than I did back then.
sweet/savory/spicy: savory all day. I am a salt fiend. I used to think I'd be fortunate enough to die from my salt intake. I'll put it on anything. cereal, toast, fruit. I think the other day I noted the one thing I wouldn't put it on, but I can't recall that right now honestly. it's gotta be decent salt too, sea salt or rock salt that has some texture and delicious flavour, I'm not fucking with that table salt shit. I carry salt with me in a mini mason jar everywhere I go, saves when you only have access to bland cold supermarket food. one of my earliest memories is when I was like 6 I had had my daily 1 glass allowance of squash/fruit cordial in my white Tom and Jerry printed beaker with the accordion bendy straw and so when I was pouring myself a glass of water from the tap I put salt in it caus I wanted flavour that would not show through the white translucent container. it's all been downhill from there, although I also, luckily I guess caus otherwise I would be really fucked, do drink a lot of water.
currently working on: myself and healing. hah. I never realised how much paperwork and phone calls came with this maintenance shit. I'm still out of work, and my mental health has taken a huge hit from not being able to do the things I usually would. so right now I'm just trying to keep everything together. I can draw again though, so sorry about that.
I never know who to tag in these things caus I don't think everyone wants to do them. so I'll go with this being open invite as always. hope anyone who read this far is having a good week, and sentiment is still there even if you didn't read this (unless you don't deserve my well wishes, then fuck you.)
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kafus · 2 years ago
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a couple things about the illustration i just posted on my art blog because i'm really proud of it and wanna talk about it. long ramble incoming
for one, 6 months of improvement between these two pieces (left new, right old) and i'm not sure how that happened. obviously the old one wasn't meant to be a whole illustration, more of a doodle, but Still?
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second, a while ago i decided i should start doing palette/value tests for my illustrations before jumping into the render since it helps me feel less blind and once again i think i've made the right decision there. i basically do the test on top of the flats with a big airbrush and then save it as an alternate version and reference it as i work on the render proper. you can see the palette test vs the final of the illustration here:
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oh and i didn't wanna clutter the tumblr post with it but i actually did save a timelapse of the thing, just not with the lines because i forgot AAA and it jumps a few times where i forgot to hit record. but it's still satisfying i think HFSDFDS FLASHING WARNING BTW i turn layers on and off a lot
my art still isn't where i want it to be but i feel like with every big illustration i take on i'm learning a lot ajdsioasd i used to be way too scared to even attempt anything like this. and this one was especially intimidating because it's MOSTLY background, the characters take up such a small amount of space relatively!! that's really new for me hsdfjkfds
oh and one last side note, the blanket on this illustration was by far the most fun part for me to draw and render. i had a blast with this thing
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i have no idea what my kaf/u illustration will be in march but i guess i'll find out eventually :D gotta work on other projects now hsjfdsdf
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noivoom · 2 years ago
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 Okay, after several days of brainstorming and debating with myself, I have finally decided to emerge from The Lurking Pit and share this little (“little”) thing! This AU came about from my love of dysfunctional family tropes as well as my desire for everyone to live (honestly I mostly just wanted to daydream fanfic ideas without having to navigate canon’s minefield of problems, began wondering what an “ideal�� situation would look like, and this spawned out of it)
The point of this was to, again, create an “ideal” situation for the gang, with potential for all kinds of Shenanigans™ and Drama™ alike while still keeping everyone as close to their canon selves as possible, as a bit of relief from all the angst :’) (I say “ideal situation,” but that doesn’t mean they haven’t still got issues galore. *cough*SUNNEEDSTHERAPY*cough*) (If, on the off chance anyone is inspired by this and/or wants to make something with this setting, please let me know! I’d LOVE to see it! :D)
I call it- One big UnHappy Family!
TL;DR Sun, Moon, Lunar, Earth, KC, Bloodmoon, and Solar Flare are all alive and well and somehow ended up as the world’s most Complicated™ family. Chaos ensues.
As for how they wound up that way? WELL. I’m gonna start rambling now, please bear with me
It starts with Sun shooting Bloodmoon. Sun didn’t fully know if he really wanted to kill Bloodmoon, was fighting internally to come to a decision one way or another and therefor wasn’t actually aiming when a moment of reflex kicked in, and the barrel went off. And he misses. Well... mostly. Bloodmoon takes a decent amount of the shot, and though it doesn’t kill them, they’re left severely damaged. It’s quite a confronting sight for Sun- while in canon there was nothing left of BM for Sun to really understand the weight of what he just did (at first, anyway), here he’s immediately confronted with another animatronic panicking and in pain as their nanomachines desperately try to rebuild them :’) Nothing like a bit of visual trauma to hit home that your actions have consequences, amirite? Moon investigates the barrel shot and sudden screaming (from both BM and Sun) to find... this. He’d probably have several things in mind to say to Sun about shooting BM, but he’d hold off for now. And thus begins one hell of a domino effect.
While fixing Bloodmoon, it becomes apparent the barrel shot corrupted some of their code. Nothing particularly bad, but oddly enough, it seems to have somehow also curbed their bloodlust. The lack of cravings leave the twins disoriented and kinda lost, but it’s also... almost a relief. Lunar takes advantage of this, introducing them to new things to occupy their time, and wow, who knew they could find entertainment in something other than homicide and appalling crimes against humanity? They’re still Bloodmoon, of course, they still have to be held back from killing people, but that’s not all they wanna do anymore. And food! Now that their bloodlust is out of the way food tastes so much better, there’s so many different flavours and textures and they gotta try everything and whoops, they’ve accidentally found themselves on the world’s weirdest redemption arc. (So, uh, thanks for shooting them after all, Sun...? I guess?)
Meanwhile KC, concerned over Bloodmoon’s wellbeing, convinces Moon to let him watch over them during their recovery. As the twins begin discovering new things that satisfy themselves, KC, trying to be Dad™, joins them. He’s never actually participated in anything that doesn’t involve murder, and much of these activities are uninteresting to him, but something about doing it with his sons... it actually... satisfies something in him, too. (None of them are particularly good at finding non-violent hobbies, mind you, but Lunar, Sun and Moon help out. Mostly to keep them occupied. They have no idea what’s going on, but they much prefer whatever the hell this is to evil plotting.) Eventually Moon relaxes a little when he realises KC intends to stay true to their deal, and occasionally switches off while KC’s out rather than watching him like a hawk. This leads to KC exploring on his own and running into Glamrock Freddy. He panics a little and pretends to be Moon. A parallel of their canon talk happens and oh would you look at that, KC’s accidentally Dad-ed his way into a redemption arc of his own! (No dead Bloodmoon means Sun doesn’t McFreaking Lose It, which means Lunar doesn’t move out and get killed, and also means the magic circle isn’t destroyed, which means Moon doesn’t get stuck in his head and get his memories wiped! :D Huzzah!) (Sun is still in desperate need of therapy though)
Eclipse is, of course, rather indignant at this turn of events. He never like the Blood Twins or KC, but seriously? Just like that?! It’s almost insulting. Not to mention it screws up his plan (not that he’d had a chance to flesh out said plan yet anyway). He continues regardless, taking over Solar Flare’s body to... do something. I’ll admit, I haven’t exactly figured out what his new course of action would be. Regardless, he ends up making his own body and ditches Solar Flare without a second thought. Solar Flare, alone and deeply disturbed over having their body hijacked so easily, is at a loss for what to do when they stumble upon Earth! Or more accurately, she stumbles upon them. She comforts them and they go with her to the Daycare. (I also don’t know if Earth would have already joined the DCA crew or if she just shows up fashionably late with Starbucks Solar Flare. Both are funny; either she shows up as a stranger with another stranger like “yes hello I’m your new sister, also I decided to bring this vaguely traumatised stranger along with me, hope you don’t mind :)” or she goes for a walk and comes back with this stranger like “can we keep them? *puppy eyes*”) Thus, Solar Flare joins the family!
Honestly... despite everyone else getting redeemed/joining the family, I think it’s funniest if Eclipse stays a bad guy. Everyone else is learning about themselves and growing as individuals/family, meanwhile Eclipse is over there being a stubborn, petty, lonely bastard and refusing to acknowledge that the reason he is miserable everywhere he goes is because every time he goes somewhere, he is there. Also he creates the conflict needed for further plot to happen. Also also I don’t think he’d take the option of redemption if it was handed to him on a silver platter accompanied by a ten-page essay on why it’s the best choice for everyone, especially him. (But who knows! I guess it is possible, it would just be a lot of work. He’d have to really want to be better and put the work in. Even then, I imagine he’d probably end up going his own way. It’d be for the best after all the trauma he’s inflicted.)
The FUNNIEST pat of all of this is when Glamrock Freddy visits the Daycare to talk to Sun and Moon about something only to see Sun yelling and chasing Bloodmoon, who’s knocking over and destroying EVERYTHING, Lunar running after them playing the Benny Hill theme, Solar Flare robotically restacking the barrels one pile at a time (seemingly oblivious to the fact that Bloodmoon knocks them over again as soon as they turn their back, creating an endless cycle they don’t seem to question), Earth calling out for everyone to please not hurt themselves, and Moon just... sitting there, rubbing his temples. “... Hey Freddy,” Moon says, not looking up. “... What the heck is going on?” “Family bonding.” “Family- where the heck did all these people even come from?!” “It’s a long story.”
If you’ve read all this, thank you so much for hearing me out <3 I’ll admit, most of my thought processes behind this boil down to “I just think it’s neat” and “because I think it’s funny”. This is supposed to be just for fun, after all. Please tell me what you think! There’s SO MUCH more to this, from evolving family dynamics to specific character development and even Monty, this post is all just the basic set-up of how the gang got to where they are. I have SO MANY more thoughts about this setting, it’s a disaster and a half and I’d love to discuss it please give me an excuse to ramble more 
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