#but even into their deaths and beyond when they reunite in heaven (and even pointed out the meaning of stairway to heaven)

[akkivee]

there was some display gallery showing off the various logos in hypmic and the ichikuu peeps on the tl were in shambles over both of them using halos in their mc name signatures lol

[chloe-caulfield94]

Chloe has been a "good good influence" on Max

In Episode 3, having heard Max utter her first "hella", Chloe joked that she was a "good bad influence" on Max. On the surface level, that remark referred to Max becoming more "cool" by hanging out with Chloe, but I think that Chloe's influence on Max went far beyond superficial (and ultimately unimportant) things like style and fashion.

When they were reunited, Chloe was at the lowest point in her life. She was barely functioning, or outright non-functioning in all her social roles. She was in danger both physically (of being murdered) and emotionally (of drowning in her own sorrow). So when Max rescued her from certain death, made her smile and laugh for the first time in years and made her feel like she had a reason to stay in Arcadia Bay, it was very easy to see the positive influence she had on Chloe's life.

But the way I see it, Chloe had a similarly profound (and positive) influence on Max's life.

Chloe saved Max in the parking lot, giving her a timely ride. In the boys' dorms in Episode 4, she shielded Max with her own body from an armed and enraged Nathan (on those two occasions Chloe worked in tandem with Warren, but I don't think it cheapens Chloe's - or Warren's - efforts. Helping others is not a zero-sum game, where only one person can get the full credit). In the version of events where Frank lunged to Max's throat, knife in hand, Chloe stopped him by shooting him in the leg. And on Friday, Chloe dragged unconscious Max all the way from the beach to the lighthouse, while the world was ending around them.

Even more importantly, Chloe helped Max on a deeper, emotional level. Max had her own demons to fight, even if their existence wasn't so obvious to the outside observer as it was with Chloe's. Sometimes people hurt under the surface.

Before being reunited with Chloe, Max struggled with self-doubt, lack of confidence and propensity to constantly second-guess herself. She was so unsure of her worth that she couldn't even submit a photograph for a silly school contest, choosing to rip it up instead of putting a part of herself up for others to see (and judge). That dreadful feeling of inadequacy impacted all facets of Max's life.

The reactions Max's classmates have when she chats them up in Episode 1 show that over a month into the school year, her self-doubt and lack of confidence prevented her from making any serious social headways. "You never talk. Just zone out with your camera" (Juliet). "Max, you're smart to be a loner here" (Dana). "Hey, I know you. You're the new quiet girl" (Stella, in response to "Hey there, Stella").

How is it even possible that the same girl, barely four days later, told a serial killer to "eat shit and die" while bound in his torture chamber, before driving a car through a hurricane? What happened to her in the meantime? Or rather WHO happened to her in the meantime?

Throughout the week, on multiple occasions Chloe gave Max exactly the sort of life advice she needed to hear. "It's time to start moving forward in time". "Stop being so goddamn humble. You're like the smartest, most talented person I've ever known". "Once you get over yourself, you're going to make the world bow". "Every great artist gets rejected before they get accepted. So you have to enter a photo". "Stop beating yourself up". "You're kind and caring. Nobody could have a better best friend". "You need to accept how awesome you are". "You're Maxine Caulfield... and you're amazing".

Chloe's advice was simple and straightforward, but that doesn't make it any less helpful, wise or heartfelt. And the constant affirmation and praise must've been like manna from the heavens for someone struggling with feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.

Max's and Chloe's relationship has always been a two-way street. They both saved each other, in ways different and alike. Only standing side by side they had a chance at defeating their demons.

Chloe's demon was hopelessness. The fear that not a single person would choose to stand by her. That she would have no one to go through life with. This is why she grasped so hard at Rachel's idea to leave Arcadia Bay. Because before Max's return, the dream of skipping town with Rachel was the only piece of hope for a better tomorrow Chloe had left. So she held on to it, even after Rachel left her a letter describing how she had met someone new and exciting. And she kept searching for Rachel, even though you didn't have to be a pessimist to conclude that she was in all likelihood dead. But then someone unexpected, yet very much desired, reappeared and stayed at Chloe's side.

When the Storm hit, Max's and Chloe's demons, feeling the stranglehold they used to have over their victims loosen, launched a desperate, last-ditch attack.

Max's demon, self-doubt, sent her a nightmarish vision that was supposed to make her second-guess all her choices, efforts and sacrifices. Did I do the right thing? Was she worth all that? Does she really care about me? Or is she just using me? And finally, the demon wearing Max's face tried to tempt her into nipping in the bud something that would blossom into a good and beautiful flower. Just like it successfully had tempted her into tearing up a photograph that would've won the contest. Only this time the stakes were infinitely higher - love, life and the future.

Chloe's demon tried to claw from her that one last bit of hope for a better tomorrow she had left. How could she want to be with me, now that she has seen how broken I am, what the price is for being with me? And the demon was victorious. So Chloe gave up and opened a door for Max to leave. "I don't blame you for wanting me out of your life". "You proved that over and over again... even though I don't deserve it. I'm so selfish". "Maybe you've just been delaying my real destiny... [...] I know I've been selfish, but for once I think I should accept my fate... our fate".

Ultimately, the fate of the battle was decided by one final, dramatic blow, as is often the case when heroes face off against demons. Holding the butterfly photograph, Max had the power to slay both demons. Or to let them win. To prove them right. To admit that for Chloe there was no hope for better days. And that Max would never stop second-guessing her choices. Not for anyone. Not even for someone who was her number one priority, the only thing that mattered to her.

I choose to believe that Max Caulfield, the hero, standing amidst the howling winds, clad in her newly-found confidence like a suit of armour, slew two demons with one blow, dealt with the most powerful weapon in all of creation - love.

[orthodoxadventure]

Entry of Our Lord into Jerusalem (Palm Sunday)

Commemorated on April 28

By raising Lazarus from the dead before Your passion, You did confirm the universal Resurrection, O Christ God! Like the children with the palms of victory, we cry out to You, O Vanquisher of death: Hosanna in the Highest! Blessed is He that comes in the Name of the Lord!

Palm Sunday is the celebration of the triumphant entrance of Christ into the royal city of Jerusalem. He rode on a colt for which He Himself had sent, and He permitted the people to hail Him publicly as a king. A large crowd met Him in a manner befitting royalty, waving palm branches and placing their garments in His path. They greeted Him with these words: “Hosanna! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord, even the King of Israel! (John 12:13).

This day together with the raising of Lazarus are signs pointing beyond themselves to the mighty deeds and events which consummate Christ’s earthly ministry. The time of fulfillment was at hand. Christ’s raising of Lazarus points to the destruction of death and the joy of resurrection which will be accessible to all through His own death and resurrection. His entrance into Jerusalem is a fulfillment of the messianic prophecies about the king who will enter his holy city to establish a final kingdom. “Behold, your king is coming to you, humble, and mounted on an ass, and on a colt, the foal of an ass” (Zech 9:9).

Finally, the events of these triumphant two days are but the passage to Holy Week: the “hour” of suffering and death for which Christ came. Thus the triumph in a earthly sense is extremely short-lived. Jesus enters openly into the midst of His enemies, publicly saying and doing those things which mostly enrage them. The people themselves will soon reject Him. They misread His brief earthly triumph as a sign of something else: His emergence as a political messiah who will lead them to the glories of an earthly kingdom.

The liturgy of the Church is more than meditation or praise concerning past events. It communicates to us the eternal presence and power of the events being celebrated and makes us participants in those events. Thus the services of Lazarus Saturday and Palm Sunday bring us to our own moment of life and death and entrance into the Kingdom of God: a Kingdom not of this world, a Kingdom accessible in the Church through repentance and baptism.

On Palm Sunday palm and willow branches are blessed in the Church. We take them in order to raise them up and greet the King and Ruler of our life: Jesus Christ. We take them in order to reaffirm our baptismal pledges. As the One who raised Lazarus and entered Jerusalem to go to His voluntary Passion stands in our midst, we are faced with the same question addressed to us at baptism: “Do you accept Christ?” We give our answer by daring to take the branch and raise it up: “I accept Him as King and God!”

Thus, on the eve of Christ’s Passion, in the celebration of the joyful cycle of the triumphant days of Lazarus Saturday and Palm Sunday, we reunite ourselves to Christ, affirm His Lordship over the totality of our life, and express our readiness to follow Him to His Kingdom:

... that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that if possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead (Philippians 3:10-11).

Very Rev. Paul Lazor

When we were buried with You in Baptism, O Christ God, we were made worthy of eternal life by Your Resurrection! Now we praise You and sing: Hosanna in the highest! Blessed is He that comes in the Name of the Lord!

Sitting on Your throne in heaven, carried on a foal on earth, O Christ God! Accept the praise of angels and the songs of children who sing: Blessed is He that comes to recall Adam!

[fwoopersongs]

浪淘沙令·帘外雨潺潺 - Waves Washing the Sand (Ditty) · The Sound of Rain Beyond the Windows

by 李煜 (Li Yu, 937 - 978)

帘外雨潺潺 春意阑珊 lián wài yǔ chánchán, chūn yì lánshān Beyond the blinds, strumming rain; Spring’s presence fades.

罗衾不耐五更寒 luóqīn bù nài wǔgēng hán Quilts of silk are no match for the chill of the Fifth Watch.

梦里不知身是客 一晌贪欢 mèng lǐ bù zhī shēn shì kè, yī shǎng tān huān Within the dream, a guest yet unaware, indulged in a moment of joy.

独自莫凭栏 无限江山 dúzì mò pínglán, wúxiàn jiāngshān. When alone, don’t lean on the railings; the landscape of the country extends, infinite.

别时容易见时难 bié shí róngyì jiàn shí nán. Parting was easy then, meeting again is hard.

流水落花春去也 天上人间 liúshuǐ luòhuā chūn qù yě, tiānshàng rénjiān. Waters flow, flowers fall, Spring has gone. In Heaven or the mortal world?

………………………………………………………………………………………….

Notes

I think the most borrowed line in this very famous poem is 别时容易见时难 // the parting was easy, to reunite hard. It was also this line that led me here, though I’ve forgotten which novel was responsible. And even though it is my favourite line, I was quite stuck trying to English 梦里不知身是客 + 天上人间 and set this aside xD Yesterday, @liberty-or-death reminded me of it, so I dusted it off and lo! was struck by inspiration. And here we are!

I love dreaming and I love all my dreams, even the sometimes frightening ones. And hearing what dreams and dreaming is like for others through songs and poetry brings me so much delight. Maybe I should make a tag for this theme.

Background

Li Yu was the last ruler of Southern Tang during the Five Dynasties and Ten Kingdoms. We read his last ever poem 《虞美人·春花秋月何时了》 (Lady Yu · Spring flowers, Autumn moon, oh when will they end?) which was written before his death in 978 CE. This one was from around the same period of his life, during the three years of imprisonment by Tang Taizong according to  《苕溪渔隐丛话》 Assembled Remarks by the Fisherman Recluse of Tiao Creek, volume 59, under《西清诗话》.

Keeping this background in mind, let’s go to the translation :D

Translation

A 帘 (lián) is like a blind with bamboo slats as seen in the painting below from the Southern Song Dynasty attributed to Li Tang (1070 - 1150).

(Source)

Here’s an example from a modern picture.

(Source)

The word 潺潺 (chánchán) is an onomatopoeia for running water or splashing according to baidu, and in this case it was supposed to be the sound of falling rain, which didn’t make much sense to me because the word in Mandarin doesn’t sound like anything water makes. So I went to search it up on wikipedia for pronunciations in dialects or old chinese, and got saan4 in cantonese and sɡreːn in old chinese, which was more satisfying. Made a vague gesture in that direction with ‘strumming’ for fun. If I wanted to be a little more accurate, it’d probably be murmur?

Traditional timekeeping at night was announced via a drum or gong sounded by the drum tower in city centers, and by night watchmen hitting a gong in the streets (at least, if cdramas are to be believed xD). Each time point was called a 更 (gēng, watch) and refers to the rotation of watchmen sounding those signals. There were five watches, numbered one to five, each 2.4 hours long. For more detailed information, you can check out the wiki page. (If there’s one thing I love about the passage of time, it’s the increasingly detailed information shared in English that means I no longer have to look things up and explain them thoroughly heehee). The Fifth Watch is the last 2.4 h before sunrise, extending from 4am to 6 or 7am, which also happens to be the coldest part of the day. 

My favourite line is this one:

梦里 | 不知 | 身是客 / 一晌 | 贪欢

Within the dream | not knowing | the self is a guest / in the moment | joyful 

It might not be meant read this way, but I like to understand the 贪 (greed) in 贪欢 as that in 贪玩 (playful), an indulgence in joy. It’s a very relatable line. 

I sort of read 独自 | 莫凭栏 无限江山 as ‘alone, don’t go to the railings (expecting) to see rivers and mountains (the kingdom) infinitely stretching out before’. By the way, here’s an interesting article on types of railings and their designs - it is, unfortunately, in Chinese only… but there are pictures! Li Yu says, don’t lean on the railings, don’t look out. Maybe he is telling himself because there is no kingdom and no beauty of that 无限江山 out there for him. Tells us what he was dreaming of without actually saying anything.

For 别时容易 (parting was easy), this was referring to his lands and all that was precious to him. This sentiment is another relatable one, and has been expressed in various other words, like Cao Pi’s (187 to 226 BCE)《燕歌行》Sparrow Song, 别日何易会日难 // how easy the day of parting, is the difficulty of meeting. Difficult to truly empathize until it happens to you.

My impression of 流水落花, more than unrequited love and defeat, is the physical reminder of the passage of time and the loss that is a natural part of it. Youth has passed like the beautiful season of lively Spring. Flowers fall and wither just as we are on our way to our ends, and relentlessly the river of time flows on. When I think about this, I often feel a bit disconnected. Or when coming out of very fun dream and the realization of reality and all the problems that come with it rushes back in. They existed when I was in ‘heaven’ and back ‘on earth’ too. 

[md3artjournal]

👻🪦⚰️⚱️

That last reblog---hypotheticals about reuniting with your dead dog in heaven---reminded me.

In my Personal Myth, my protagonist had all this power, but too many emotional/mental hang-ups to fully use them. And one of the problems was that she could totally resurrect people and/or go to any underworld to visit anyone dead, so it kind of took away the stakes for the characters she cared about dying.

But the thing was that I used her reluctance to visit the dead or hesitation to simply resurrect people, as a reflection of my own mental problems...But because I've been in isolation, recovering for so many years, I kind of forgot a lot of my more painful feelings. Especially the ones that were so seemingly irrational, yet instinctually intense, that they felt the need to express themselves in my Personal Myth.

But that last reblog reminded me: Re-bonding with anyone is frightening, even in real life, with living people. It is also wholly within my power, at any time...from an objective, outsider's point of view. But only when I am considered like anyone else, someone who doesn't have social anxiety. My social anxiety goes beyond being afraid while socializing is happening. I'm afraid of having relationships...or reviving previous ones. There's that Hopeless belief that continuing a relationship is just providing more opportunities to continue screwing it up, to continue hurting the other person, and generally be something to be feared, especially with someone cared about. Even with all the power in existence, not everyone can just reunite with the dead or bring the dead back to life. Why does everyone assume that doing so would always result in only good things?

On the face of it, people will call my character a "Mary Sue", or "underutilization of established powers", or my character just not making any sense. But I think this quirk of hers was meant to express this real feeling of mine. And maybe the fact that it doesn't make sense---Why would an all-powerful being act like there are certain things she "can't" do?---is kind of the point. It points to the issue that is the real conflict. Death isn't the conflict.

(see journal file 2:12 AM 3/2/2024)

[authorofemotion]

Hi! I want to take a moment to clarify a misconception here. There’s another reblog that unpacks the practice of faith and the achieving of redemption, so I’ll skip past that part.

You stated that there’s an inconsistency between Christians’ belief in God’s power of forgiveness and and the Christian desire for justice and the fulfillment of the natural order of things (ie, that sin causes spiritual death and there is a punishment waiting for that), and you are correct in saying that God leaves it up to the individual to choose to seek redemption or not. However! This treats God as a mere judge within an impartial system, with the system of justice itself being the thing we are being brought into when we acknowledge our sin. In other words, this implies that the desire for heaven and redemption comes from purely selfish motives—a fear of suffering. So then, it does follow that a person who was truly repentant wouldn’t have those same selfish aims.

But this isn’t the Christian goal. The true Christian goal is to do the will of God.

Several saints have said (St Alphonsus Liguori comes to mind) that we should desire God’s will so strongly that if it would make Him even an ounce happier for us to be banished to hell we should be content to be banished at once.

But God, who is Love, works above the natural laws He created. Yes, the point is that we deserve hell and He is willing to forgive us, but the BIGGER point is that He wants to forgive us. He wants desperately for us to be reunited with Him and live in the companionship that we were created for—that is the natural order that matters more to Him, not the black and white justice of it all. This is proven by the fact that He sent His Son to die on the Cross for our salvation. He leaves it up to us, but make no mistake, HE made the first move and gives the invitation always.

So, God is the one whom we offended with our sin, and it is God who created us for companionship with Him and died for that same companionship. To see our sin and fully understand it enough to be fully transformed, understanding God’s will for us to be united to Him, and then to turn away from that anyway because we decide God’s forgiveness isn’t complete enough and we need to face our punishment? That’s pride. Beyond that, it directly goes against God’s will for us, which, again, is the sole desire of a repentant heart.

This got pretty long! So, to summarize:

- to understand one’s own sinfulness and become repentant one has to have had an encounter with God

- God, our Creator, is the one we have offended and strayed from with our sin, so the ultimate goal of a repentant soul is to conform to God’s will

- (so if God wanted a soul conformed to his will to suffer, the soul would be happy to suffer)

- God created a natural order, but He is Love, and His desire has always been unity with us.

- A truly repentant soul would understand God’s will and would rather die than sin (or Go against God’s will) so they return to companionship with God as He wills.

These are really important questions to be asking, and I’m glad you’re opening a conversation about it! Also if anyone has anything to add or clarify please go for it

According to christian theology the smallest sin already makes us deserve Hell, but through accepting Jesus' sacrifice we can be forgiven

But here's the thing, if you seek to avoid the punishment you know you deserve, isn't that a bad thing too?

Of course, the whole point is that God is forgiving you, and there's nothing wrong with forgiveness, heck, there's nothing wrong with *asking* to be forgiven, but once "forgiveness" is conditional, the situation is different

If the forgiveness is conditional then the judge is leaving the forgiveness up to the guilty person in a way, since it's up to them to fulfill the condition

When you see it like that, the judge is basically offering you a "get out of jail free" card, and leaving the decision of taking it up to you

And here's the thing, if you know you are guilty, and you truly repent of your sins, you wouldn't take that card, because you would believe that you should be punished

If the judge decided not to punish you that's fine, because the decision is up to the judge, but in this case by accepting Jesus' sacrifice you are deciding that you shouldn't be punished, even though you should, and that decision to avoid the punishment you deserve is wrong

To summarize, if Christian theology stated that God is willing to forgive anyone who repents of their sins, that would be fine, because forgiveness would always be up to God, but by saying that forgiveness also requires faith in Jesus specifically, then that decision is up to you

This lead to the conclusion that if Christians want to be consistent, they would reject Jesus' sacrifice and accept they will be punished eternally for their sins, and they shouldn't want it any other way

Finally, you could argue that by repenting someone is already deciding by themselves to be forgiven but I disagree. Repenting only means you recognize what you did was wrong, it depends on your moral compass, and it's independent of your desire for forgiveness. In fact, part of repenting should include the acceptance of the punishment you deserve

[batmurdock]

some unspoken thing [starnovamora]

for @murdockquills & @novasforce, who introduced me to cosmic marvel - thanks for letting me hitchhike in your milano to the triumphant finish line.

--

Love was a weakness. 

That was what she’d always been taught. Love was something that made men fall apart, brought kingdoms down, watered intent to nothing, and dulled the blades of a half-decent assassin. 

Relationships, if they could be called that, were just other weapons to wield. Gamora knew the best grooves to press to make people fall apart — good ways and bad. She had no qualms about using those points of access to her advantage, either. 

Like now, lying here, between two men on whom she and everyone else staked the hopes of the universe, Gamora knew best how to kill them — or give them, as Peter called it, “la petty more”, which Gamora was fairly certain wasn’t the right phrase, but who was she to argue with someone she— 

Cared for. 

It was still hard to say it. Love came easier to Peter, to Richard, than it ever would for Gamora Zen-Whoberi Ben Titan. She’d believed that for many years as she ran her knives together; sharpened their edges, honed her own. She had watched them haunt each other; two ghosts orbiting an empty galaxy, and waited for them to come into alignment together. 

Because she knew how to press. And she knew when to pull back. 

It had been a few hours since they’d left the party. Her skin still glowed from the last release, mossy; warm and flushed. The ceiling overhead had a glass pane through which she could see the tall peaks and spires of buildings in the distance — but it also magnified the stars beyond. 

Idly, agate fingers stroked flaxen hair, Peter dozing off; undignified and utterly beautiful against her stomach. Beside her opposite, his arm wound around Peter and Gamora both, Richard mumbled something about needing to check the scanners. He lolled his head back with a dazed and hazy little smile, and Gamora felt everything inside of her soften. 

To a dulled blade. 

Was that such a bad thing? 

It hadn’t occurred to her that she could be anything other than the one to kill. The vibe, the men, anything else. She was designed to finish things. To tactically strategize exits in the form of eviscerations. If she wanted to, while they slept or dipped into the happy lull of the Lovers reunited, Gamora could’ve ended it. Snuffed out the sun, smothered the light. She knew, after all, their every flaw.

But love was, as it turned out, their greatest strength. 

It could stay the hand of a murderer. Peter’s pleading expressions when she felt far away; when the Stones called out to her, or when memories of her so-called father kept her icy and isolated. Rich relenting long enough to lie in bed beside her for ten extra minutes when the universe was once again on the brink of destruction.

Just some unspoken thing.

She realized, more or less, that they’d said it of one another. Two war heroes nursing their wounds and afraid to show one another their scars for fear of…what, exactly? Oh right. Weakness, she supposed. 

But love brought Peter Quill home. Love brought Richard Rider back. And love — 

Love made the Deadliest Woman in the Galaxy want to finally, maybe, change careers. 

To encourage life. And growth. And — she wasn’t sure what else. Her father waxed poetic about gardens. Gamora’s were just yards littered with bones piled high toward the heavens. But whatever it was, growth, or garden, or the opportunity to simply keep going - all Gamora knew was that she wanted more. 

“I love you,” she said, quietly. Finally. She whipped that knife out of its hilt and brandished it with a simple flick of her tongue. 

It didn’t hurt. 

Her fingers threaded through Peter’s golden tresses, traced lines across Richard’s back. The stars twinkled down through the skylight, the city lavender and indigo above them, slowly being swallowed by the faintest of fogs. But no need to venture outside. No need to go beyond this room. 

Everything they had was within reach. Not power, not violence — but the tender way in which Peter stretched and squeaked faintly, in which Richard groggily yawned and shoved his head a little more into Gamora’s shoulder like a burrowing thing. She smiled to herself, arms still wound around her boys, and exhaled at last. 

She had grieved them. Together. Separately. She had cursed herself for not trying harder. Being or doing or saying more. Seeing them spiral, watching them die or disappear — helpless to stop any of it, anything at all — 

But here they were. Peter, grinning up at her, beardy and golden as a blazing sun, bare and shining. He glowed a little when he wasn’t thinking about it, sometimes — not unlike how when he went down on Rich, Rich tended to blue blaze to life himself.

How strange, even still, to think of herself as anything other than a black hole that devoured life with the swing of her sword, the firing of a gun. Total decimation shouldn’t have a chance at something more.

But as Gamora had seen the face of Death, she had seen that of Life.

That face had slept beside her, or was peering up at her now. Surrounded by the softness of it, Gamora thought not of how hard she swung her sword, nor the force with which she once kicked a Brood back into its crumbling nest so hard the entirety of it imploded. No - strength, at times, was a tenderness - notching an arrow just so, keeping your grip just loose enough. 

You couldn’t hold too tight to things like Peter, for example. Just enough. Couldn’t push Rich too far, or he’d just refuse to come back down. In her own way, she’d been trying all along to reel them in - to get them to realize something she, too, was only just starting to realize herself.

Peter was wriggling upright reluctantly as Rich slouched closer, his hand catching Peter’s cheek in a soft grip. They kissed over her, and Gamora almost laughed. 

“Oh, that’s fine, don’t mind me--”

“I’m starving,” Peter exclaimed as they broke apart, eagerly looking between each of his loves. “What’s around that’s open?”

“Everything,” Rich laughed. “Anything. I think we were promised free takeout for life.”

“Pretty sure no one said that,” Gamora mock-frowned. It was easy to fall back into this - as Peter smooched her stomach and [to her horror] made her scrunch into a baffled little ball, which made Rich throw his head back and laugh - 

This was their love.

This was their world.

This was not a sword, but a shield. Not a gun, but armor. Or perhaps all of them were the bullet - she the sighted rifle, Rich the force behind it, and Peter the hand to pull the trigger of the galaxy’s greatest power.

“Let’s get room service,” Gamora murmured, and, stretching, rolled over slightly to grab the nearest communicator. Peter’s lips graced her shoulder, and Rich lounged against Peter’s back, snuggling in again. His hand found her hip, tracing silvery lines where parts of her weren’t - human.

But all of her was, with them.

And all of this was love.

Strong enough to see them through to the not-so-bitter end.

[orionsangel86]

The first Valentines Day they spent together wasn’t great. Taking out a horseman of the apocalypse and consuming an obscene amount of red meat wasn’t exactly a great start for a whirlwind romance. But Dean still remembers the butterflies he got in his stomach when Cas stood too close, or held his gaze for slightly too long.

The Valentines Day’s that came after that were mostly painful, or just another day that Dean wanted to forget:

- Handing Lisa a crumpled gas station valentines day card and a bunch of flowers that had already seen better days.

- Drowning in grief at the loss of Cas and Bobby.

- Hiding in the dark of Purgatory, trading rough hand jobs with Benny, and sending Cas tearful prayers, wishing he’d come back.

- Comforting a scared girl being chased by Hellhounds, wishing his angel would answer his prayers yet again.

- He doesn’t recall specific days whilst he had the mark of Cain.

He remembers the valentines day whilst under the pull of Amara, pining for something both frightening and unnatural, knowing deep down he was longing for something else, something that he thought he could never have.

The valentines day the year after reuniting Amara and Chuck, he had only been out of solitary confinement a few weeks, Cas was there, in the Bunker with him. But he was stubborn and angry at Cas for putting himself in danger. Dean had been giving him the silent treatment the whole time, but God, does he remember wishing Cas would come to him. Cas never did.

So much had happened in the year that followed that one. Cas had died, and returned to him, they had found Jack, and lost him to an alternate world. Even with all that had happened, Valentine Day that year was one of his favourites in recent memory. Dean had shyly invitied Cas for a movie marathon in his room. They had put on a Scooby Doo episode whilst making popcorn, and Cas had teased him for his “ascot phase” that had lasted only a few weeks. Dean still thinks he looked awesome though. They had curled up on Dean’s bed, eating popcorn and watching old horror movies. Dean had fallen asleep on Cas’s shoulder, and woke up on the morning of February 15th with his arms wrapped around Cas’s waist, and his face buried in his side. They were both smiling that morning, but neither had mentioned it again. Dean wishes they had.

The following year things had gone wrong again. Dean was too preoccupied trying to keep Michael at bay in his mind to even think about Valentines Day.

Last year on Valentines Day he was full of rage. Still hurting over all the crap that had happened. Chuck controlling their lives, being mad at Cas, Cas leaving and only returning to help the fight. He was terrified that Cas was just another part of Chuck’s story, another way to manipulate him. But Cas turned out to be one of the only things in the universe that Chuck wasn’t able to control. The one thing Dean had wanted most was the only thing that was truly real in his entire life. The thought still took his breath away. He wished he had known that at the time.

This Valentines Day, Dean was feeling high on happiness and love. Another year where too much had happened, but Dean and Cas decided that they had wasted enough time. Too many years had passed where they couldn’t be together, now they were finally free, finally able to make their own story, and they had chosen each other.

Just over three months ago Cas had confessed his love, and been ripped away from Dean once again before he had even had a chance to process what had happened. Defeating Chuck, and finally freeing themselves from his story had come at a terrible price, but luckily Dean’s adopted son was God now, and this time the deus ex machina was just what he needed.

Dean had wasted no time in finally letting his heart speak. Sobbing confessions of everlasting love into Cas’s lips, his neck, his cheeks, his chest. It had all happened pretty quickly after that. Jack had fixed everything, and Dean and Sam could finally retire.

The wedding wasn’t even their idea. Sam had blurted it out one day that they should hold some sort of ceremony as a final fuck you to all the forces of Heaven and Hell and beyond that had tried to separate them over the years. From the most powerful Gods, right down to the nasty little men in expensive suits who didn’t appreciate their love for one another. Eventually Dean had whispered the words to Cas one night, whilst they were still naked, sweaty, and wrapped around each other, gasping for breath. Marry Me just slipped off his tongue, and had got him a tearful yes and another four orgasms before the night was over.

So the valentines day “fuck you” ceremony became “Dean and Cas’s wedding day” and here they were. Exchanging vowels in front of their whole family. Even Crowley miraculously showed up which put Dean on edge for all of 10 minutes before the former King of Hell smiled and raised a fruity cocktail in his direction.

Their first dance was to “All My Love” by Led Zeppelin. Because of course it was. In the dim lights of the dance floor, pressed close to Castiel’s solid form, cheek brushing cheek, breathing in the scent of him, Dean was in the only Heaven that mattered. Right here on Earth. Real Heaven could wait until he was ready to go, which wouldn’t happen until he was old and wrinkly and his hair was grey (but still fabulous and not at all looking like a party city wig).

Once the stragglers had finally left the reception, or past out in the corner, Dean and Cas slipped away to the wedding suite, and drunkenly made love until long after midnight. It was by far, the best day of Dean’s life, let along the best Valentines Day of the past 12 years.

It’s the morning of the 15th February. Dean is lying in bed, on his back, with his new husband wrapped around him like an octopus. He thinks of all the valentines days of the past 12 years, and then forgets them, and thinks of the ones to come.

Next year he will spend the entire day in bed with his husband. Maybe he’ll get up long enough to make pancakes to bring Cas breakfast in bed. Maybe he’ll slip on some anniversary/valentines day panties. He thinks Cas may be into that.

In five years time he’ll spend their anniversary/Valentines day in their home by a beach - the one he plans to build himself. They’ll sit under the stars and listen to the ocean crash into the shore, wrapped in a huge blanket and whisper sweet nothings into each others ears.

In twenty years time, they’ll celebrate with their family. Perhaps he’ll throw Cas a party. He can picture Jack and Claire grown up with their own families, and Sam and Eileen with their own children, also grown by that point, and ready to move on to college and beyond. He sees a future full of love, and happiness, and peace. A future he has chosen for himself. A future where he is truly free to live the life he wants.

In the end, it doesn’t matter if they make anniversary/valentines day plans in the future or not, so long as they are together, so long as he gets this. So long as Cas remains in his arms. So long as he gets to kiss his husbands handsome face and see the love and happiness in his eyes. So long as from now on, nothing, not Darkness, Hell, Heaven, or even Death can separate them. After all, past experience has proven that they never succeeded before. Dean and Cas will always find their way back to each other.

[sanoiro]

Lucifer Meta: Why, Why, Why.

This post contains S6 spoilers

On of the two scenes that blinded me were Chloe getting back from the hospital with Rory and when Chloe passed away.

But there is more to them of course so let’s begin with the first one. 

Chloe gets back from the hospital and her family is there because that’s what they are now. They are a family. 

What blinds and breaks me here is when Chloe sits down holding Rory and she shurgs. 

Perhaps it’s something they are telling her but with Lauren’s acting we know that’s her tight smile. The one where she must not fall apart. 

When I was speculating about S5 I had written that Chloe from 4x10 onwards takes the role of an army wife. I never understood the concept of army troops around the world as it leads to many things around world but I will neither disrespect the families and individuals who go through that nor their ideals. Mainly because the main ideal is to keep the world safe, their families safe. And that’s what we see here. 

In 6x10 the husband has gone Missing in Action. They all know he cannot return. Chloe is aware that even in her final hours she will not see Lucifer whilst she is alive. She knows that despite her joy over having a second child and that being of the man she is deeply in love with, he is gone. Rory is the last piece of him on Earth and as she does not know what lies beyond her death it’s the only thing that she can see him in. 

So with that shrug there is an impending breakdown which is averted over and over again by Rory. Because as she said once, if you have any doubt about this, remember we are doing it for Rory. And as Dad had once said, you want your best for your child. As Chloe said, you do not want them to be in pain. And she had seen Lucifer’s pain and his guilt. No amount of Earth time would have managed to worth Rory succumbing to a similar path Lucifer had taken. The time to averted was on August 5th and in order to happen it meant he had to stay away. Chloe had to fight her battles on Earth and Lucifer in Hell. 

But there was a catch. Chloe had died again she knew that going to Hell was not an option. Going to Heaven would mean she would have to bid Lucifer goodbye forever. I believe it was something that was never discussed with any of the members of their family. Perhaps Chloe decided to leave the rest in a reasonable darkness over what happened to Lucifer in hopes to keep Rory safe. 

Perhaps Lucifer stayed down to Hell with no visitations and that because Chloe knew her deathbed was the key that would let Rory free of her anger and her gloomy future if she had not gone through what she did in the past. 

And so Chloe passes away without the knowledge of lies beyond that threshold very much like the rest of humanity. That because she knew Hell, she knew Heaven but she didn’t know how she could see Lucifer again and there is no Heaven if it cannot appease your wounds. She had lived through a kind of Hell already after all. 

So she passes away and we find her in a place we recognize (perhaps as it is a speculation) from the comics as The Void. A realm beyond our Universe. There Hell, Heaven and Earth are not part of that realm

She seems peaceful as she walks in that Void knowing that Rory is finally safe. that she finally understands and that her work as the mother-protector is finally done. Well for what it mattered and what she knew. 

When she feels a presence behind her she smiles as she seems to be able by now to feel divinity but she is not pleased it’s Amenadiel. 

That’s the scene that broke me. She knew Lucifer would not come while she was alive but to not come when she died was soul-wrecking. Because she hoped it was him. She hoped she could somehow be reunited with him. Break the rules of Heaven and Hell and indeed Amenadiel offered her a solution. A way back home. 

Again Home is where the Heart is. Meaning our loved ones. Lucifer in Chloe’s case. 

And at this very moment she knows it’s finally time. For Chloe perhaps there was a guilt deep inside of her that could have landed her to Hell. Lucifer had attempted to wait a bit longer but in the end Chloe was the one who had the reign over what would happen next. She picked their child. She picked a life of solitude. She pushed Lucifer to fulfill his Calling while she fulfilled hers. Then she and only she had the choice to be reunited with Lucifer and happily, tearfully she took it. 

Therefore, the torture was over at that point for Chloe who had to lie and avoid questions from her child, be away from Lucifer for so long. Lucifer would soon be reunited with her thus permanently finishing his own torture of being alone and Rory was released from hers. There was no abandonment just an affluence of love and determination of parents doing best what they should always do. Keep their child safe and the world safe in extension for them. 

How many special people change? How many lives are living strange? Where were you while we were getting high...

'Cause people believe That they're gonna get away for the summer But you and I we live and die The world's still spinning around We don't know why Why?

[willownoir1112]

Hiya everyone! Wyn here with a late day seven of White Rose Week! Due to circumstances beyond my control, I never got a good chance to post this... Angst train that I should have done earlier this week, but didn't because it's angsty. Anywho, I hope you all enjoy, and I'll see you tomorrow with the bonus day!

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Apart

Everyone knows who Ruby Rose is. She used to be brave, she used to be daring, she used to laugh in the face of danger. She used to carry a giant scythe that her enemies feared. She led a group of heroes who saved the world from a great darkness, only to be irreparably broken less than a year after their victory.

Calm yourself, Dolt. Penny and I will only be gone a week.

She's a constant presence at the airship port. She goes there every day and sits in the same seat by dock 34. She always has the same book in her hand, she always wears the same outfit, she always has cookies for children who run up and ask. Otherwise, she is silent day in and day out, her nose stuck in the book that told the stories of brave knights and beautiful princesses, of courageous heroes and ignoble villains. Forty years has she waited for an airship that will never return, the woman she has been apart from all these years one of it's many lost passengers.

Ruby, if you insist on being childish about it, then simply wait here. My airship will return to dock 34 in a week's time.

She always smiles at the children, even though it is hollow and empty. She always has kind words for them when they run up to her laughing and asking for sweets, even though her eyes are lifeless and dim. The guards never bother her, and look out for her every single day. They make sure she eats, has plenty to drink, and is always comfortable. Any adult who looks into those once shining silver orbs see the shattered soul behind them, and leave her in peace. No one can sit in the seat she has claimed for so many years now once she leaves for the evening, for they all feel in their own souls the depths of her sorrow and loss that radiates from the piece of furniture. A loss that has broken the once vibrant woman and turned her into an empty shell.

Miss Rose, Miss Schnee is never coming back.

Only the longtime head of security, Jaune Arc, remembers the moment when Headmaster Ozpin came to inform her. He himself had been by her side, along with her sister and both their teams when she was told that the love of her short life was never to return to her. He tells his newest recruits the story, and always, always it ends the same way: watching his best friend's soul shatter before his very eyes. Of watching the light leave them forever, even as she screamed in denial. None of his recruits dare to point out that his own eyes are as dead as her's. No one has the desire or curiosity to speculate as to how two people with souls as dead as theirs can still live.

If they did, they would finally realize that they are both simply empty shells, going through the motions of lives they stopped living forty years ago...

When I return, I will be a free woman. And then, we will get married as we wish.

It was a horrific sequence of events that took Weiss Schnee and her companion, Penny Polendina, away from Ruby Rose and Jaune Arc. James Ironwood, who was consumed with his hatred for the two women along with those that they loved and held dear, hijacked their airship and forced it to crash into Atlas Academy's CCT tower. The two young women were among the many dead from the madman's horrid actions, actions which broke the two people who loved them the most. Ruby especially broke, and now repeats the same actions every single day without fail, despite them always leading to the same sad, heart wrenching conclusion.

I love you from now until forever, Ruby Rose. No matter what, I will return to you.

Ruby returns every single day without fail, always sitting in the same seat, despite her own slowly failing health. She never even flinched when the doctor came and told her the cancer was now in her brain, as well as all her organs. She simply continued to read her book as she continues her vigil, while the world around her moves ever onward. An engagement ring still adorns her now bony finger, a promise made over forty years ago still driving what is left of her failing heart and shattered soul to wait for the woman she loves. She never attended her father's funeral, or her sister's when they each died a Huntsman's death. She never stopped even when Weiss's best friend Blake begged her to come with her and her children to Menagerie. To learn to live her life once more, despite being apart from Weiss. She never even looked up from her book when she was informed that Ren and Nora too had passed, Ren of cancer and Nora of her own grief. She had put her life on hold when Weiss Schnee left for Atlas, promising that they will be together forever upon her return. But her life stopped when the light left her eyes instead. Her life has been a series of repeated motions that have never deviated no matter the circumstances of the world around her.

Jaune, I can't leave my sister like this…

Then leave. I know her pain, Yang. I'll keep her safe.

Jaune Arc has outlived his entire team. He has outlived even Ruby's sister Yang and her teammate Blake. He and Ruby are all that are left of the Heroes of Beacon, and he keeps their leader safe in all their memories. And every night, he sits next to Ruby for a time, comfortable in the silence between them as she rereads the same book, and he looks towards the empty horizon. Both of them are waiting for women who will never come home to either of them in this life. He then takes her home, only to repeat the same cycle of never ending sorrow the next day. A seemingly endless cycle that has lasted for over forty long years.

We will never be apart, Ruby. Not as long as you keep me alive in your heart.

No one knows exactly when Ruby and Jaune finally gave up on life. It was once again the beginning of the day, and Jaune has taken to simply sitting next to his leader since he was forced to retire. He soon is also repeating the same motions, while wearing a uniform that is no longer his, while keeping the silent women who would only break said silence with kind words for the children who would notice her company. They never spoke to one another, yet no one would deny they knew they sat alongside one another day in and day out. They were broken apart from the ones they loved the most by one man's rage, and were broken in spirit as well. A little cat faunus girl wandered up to the two of them, hoping the old woman who smelled of delicious cookies would share one. Instead, everyone nearby was alerted by her sudden screaming and begging for the two of them to wake up, to stop staring blankly into the still empty horizon. All anyone remembers is her weeping, her screaming, her grief. The adults who gather around her, who console the little girl, hope that the two heroes, who both died with smiles upon their faces, are finally reunited with Weiss Schnee and Penny Polendina in the afterlife.

No one could see the long overdue airship finally return, almost forty one years to the day that it departed. They couldn't see the ramp extend, or the white haired woman or the ginger haired one rush out. They couldn't see Ruby and Jaune both rise up, despite the loss of their mortal selves. They were once again young and healthy, and their eyes were alight in their joy. None of them would ever witness Penny crashing into Jaune's arms while sobbing, or Weiss walking up and simply taking Ruby's offered hand with tears in her own eyes.

"You dolt! You were supposed to live for us both!"

"I'm sorry Weiss, but life isn't worth living without you."

"And Heaven is empty without you, Ruby…"

[stanbillyhargrove]

Demons - The Rewrite

Chapter 26A: Your Body Looks Like Heaven

Steve's POV

My stomach was twisted into knots and my hands were clammy by the time we pulled up to the hospital and I was seriously contemplating staying in the car.

--

I came back to Cat's hospital room with Hop behind me. Stopped when we saw Billy on his knees.

Pleading.

"Put all our problems behind us and just leave..please? What do you think? Would you be happy?"

Cat smiled so softly, let herself dream for a moment.

B..." she reached out a hand to cup the side of his face and gently pulled his head into her shoulder, wrapping her arms around his back.

She locked eyes with me over his shoulder and I really believed that she would run away if she could.

And I couldn't let her.

"I..."

I cleared my throat, silencing her before she could agree, "Hopper needs to talk to you, Billy."

He pulled himself together a bit and followed Hop down the hallway.

I settled in the chair next to Cat's bed with a huff. She wiped her hand over her cheek, fingers stopping to curl over the tube taped there. The one going down her nose to feed her.

Her eyes widened a little, "is that-?"

"Yeah. Feeding tube."

"I don't like it, it hurts," she rasped, touching her throat.

And I was so fucking...hurt and angry. I couldn't stop myself.

"Good."

Cat dropped her hands into her lap, staring down at them, "so I'm being admitted?"

"Yeah," I nodded, "you are. There's a program in the city that they're going to recommend to your mom."

She hummed and tipped her head back into the pillow.

I needed her to live, even if she hates me for this.

"Could you, for once, think about the people you'd leave behind if you kill yourself? Me, Billy...your mom..Max. People love you, Cat. You need to try for us."

She opened and closed her mouth, huffing a little.

"I'm serious. Talk until you lose your fucking voice if you have to, but this shit needs to stop. I can't be here for you anymore if you stay sick."

"When am I going?"

"Couple days. We'll be here to see you off."

She looked at me, eyes cold, "don't come back, Steve."

And I hadn't talked to her since that day.

I knew she was pissed that I had brought her into a hospital, but what else was I supposed to do? When we found Cat, she was beyond just bandaging up and putting to bed and I had hit my breaking point. It had been now or never that night, our last chance to help her. But no matter how I justified betraying her, I'd still betrayed her and the thought had been building in my head that maybe we couldn't be friends anymore. Maybe she'd want nothing to do with me anymore and that was a hard pill to swallow.

"Steve? Are you home? I just want to talk to you.."

Cat had left multiple messages on my phone like that, but I could never bring myself to pick up. Didn't want to hear her say she hated me for what I did. So I never answered and never called back. I couldn't face what would happen if I did.

"Steve, man, Cat's worried about you. Hell, I'm worried about you, she says you won't answer your phone and you've been really spacey," Billy talked around his cigarette while we leaned against the front of my house.

We'd spent a lot of time together since Cat left, Billy would often show up late at night to smoke and have a beer with me. It was kind of nice, not being alone, I'd started to look forward to his company.

"Yeah," I mumbled, wiping my face, "just haven't been sleeping great," I tried to avoid the topic of Cat.

Billy didn't try to avoid it, he was his usual blunt self about it, "you're avoiding her."

My silence was enough of an answer for him. He grunted and flicked his cigarette out into the driveway, "Max and I are going to see her in a couple weeks. You're coming."

"No..I can't..I.."

"Steve," Billy clapped a hand on my shoulder, "she wants to see you. I'm fucking nervous too but I'll drag you if I have to."

--

"Steve!" Max clapped her hands in front of my face, snapping me back to the present, "come on!"

She was beaming, practically hopping around, she was so excited. I wish that excitement could transfer to me and take away some of my anxiety, the overwhelming sense of dread. I shuffled along behind Max and Billy into the hospital, past the front desk and into the ward where Cat was. I wanted to bolt, to get the hell out of here as fast as I could until I heard her.

"B!" Cat came flying through the hallway and threw herself into Billy's waiting arms.

He clutched her tight, one hand tight on the back of her neck and the other wrapped around her waist, and lifted her off the ground.

"God," he muttered into the side of her neck, "I fucking missed you."

Cat twisted her fingers into Billy's hair and a soft puff of air left her, like she wasn't sure if she was going to laugh or cry, "I missed you too."

She pulled away from him just far enough to splay her hands on the sides of his face and let out a wet laugh, a few tears rolling down her face as she kissed him. After a moment, Billy let Cat back down to the floor and she let go of him to open her arms to Max, who eagerly ran forward to fill them.

"I missed you!" Max sniffed, getting teary after being reunited with her friend.

"I know," Cat murmured, gently rubbing down Max's back, "I'm sorry, I missed you too, Max."

Billy cleared his throat after a second, "Cat."

When she looked up at him he nodded towards me, I'd been far enough behind them to go unnoticed until now.

"Steve?" She breathed, slowly letting go of Max.

I smiled tightly, felt my stomach kick up into my throat.

And I really wanted to bolt now. To turn around and get the hell out of here. Cause I couldn't handle it if she still hated me.

She stepped closer to me, arms wrapping around herself. One hand up to her lips to bite at her nail.

"Hey," I croaked past the knot in my throat.

She reached out, like she was going to grab me but dropped her hands, "can I..?"

Immediately, my eyes started getting dewy as I nodded and chewed the inside of my mouth. Cat grabbed the side of my face, gently swiping her thumb over the purple bags that had grown under my eyes before sliding her arms around my neck and holding me tightly.

"Oh, Stevie," she breathed, her breath hitching a little as she buried her face in my shoulder, "you never answered my calls, I thought you didn't want to see me."

And I hadn't realized how desperately I missed her. The soft way she called me Stevie, the light vanilla scent on her skin. It was like a part of me had been missing and when she hugged me the full force of that pain hit.

I tucked my head into her hair, inhaling shakily as I wrapped my arms around her back, "that's not..I'm sorry, Cat. I'm so fucking sorry.." I wrapped my arms tighter around her, fisted my hands against her back and let tears fall, "I'm sorry..I had to call, I had to..I thought you hated me."

"Stevie," she cried, twisting her fingers in the hair on the back of my neck, "Stevie, I don't hate you, you saved me."

--

"When do you get to come home?" Max asked.

The aching emptiness of Cat's absence no longer loomed over us and my face and chest hurt from how happy I was. The last time we saw her, her arms had been wrapped in bandages and there had been tubes feeding her, forcing her to live. Now, we could see flashes of thick scars when her sleeves moved but there were no more tubes. Cat's face had filled out a little, the dark hollows less prominent, she looked more colorful, even wrapped up in her usual dark clothes.

"I'm not sure yet," she smiled sweetly and wrapped an arm around Max to hug her to her side, "could be just one more month or could be two."

Billy's groan was barely covered by Max, "but you're better now, right?"

Cat hummed and reached over to lace her fingers into Billy's, "not yet. I need some more time. I'll be home for New Years though. I'll get to spend a couple days with you guys."

Max deflated a little, but then gave Cat a hopeful grin, "maybe we can have a sleepover?"

Billy snorted, "yeah, as if that would ever be allowed."

Max pouted at him, "why not? You sneak out all the time, just take me with you!"

"Yeah, B," Cat imitated Max's whine with a smirk, "you do it all the time."

Billy looked to me for help but was met with me trying to hold in my laughter and groaned, "you are gunna be the death of me. I will try to sneak us out, shitbird, but you better not get us caught."

--

Julie had let us hang out while she drove to the city so Billy, Max and I could surprise Cat when she came home New Years Eve. We had been planning these two days since we had gone to visit Cat. Max and I had picked out movies to rent while Billy was sent out to retrieve a list of food and snacks that Julie had given us money for. When they came through the door we had a mountain of blankets and pillows for us all to lounge on, snacks set out on the table and a stack of movies to watch. Cat had cried while she grabbed each of us for hugs. We got to catch up and hang out for a while before Billy and Max had to go home for dinner, leaving me with Cat and Julie. I was so used to eating by myself, it was nice to have people to talk to. The three of us got to relax together and chat for a couple hours until Julie went to work and then Cat and I huddled up once again on the pillow mountain.

"So," I started, "how are things going? I mean...are you actually better now?"

Cat rolled towards me, resting her head in her hand with a wistful smile, "not all the way, but a little bit. The beginning was tough, it took a while to find myself again, find the motivation to live, you know? Spent the first while tubed, on constant watch, couldn't even pee by myself," she huffed out a laugh, "but it started getting easier. Lots of talking, no more secrets."

I winced, picturing Cat lying in that hospital bed again, forcing her to survive. My eyes caught the thick scar running down her arm and stayed focused there for a moment.

"Actually, Stevie, you guys coming to visit made the biggest difference. You only get to leave if you're doing well in the program. And after you guys came, I didn't want to mess up coming home and getting to spend a couple days with all of you."

I smiled back at her, glad to have my best friend back. Thought about how much more alive she looked now, the spark in her eyes that had been missing a few months ago was back, along with the color in her cheeks. I felt hope bloom in my chest, wondered briefly if it was too soon to think everything was okay.

"I missed you, Cat."

"Missed you too, Stevie," she murmured, rolling to lay her head on my arm.

--

Billy's POV

Max had dressed for the occasion, I realized when she crept into my room late in the evening. She had picked out all black clothes and looked like she had walked out of a cheesy spy movie.

"Maxine," I smirked, "I think you hang out with those nerds too much."

She grinned and stuck her tongue out at me, "shut up. You ready?"

Slowly, we slid out of my bedroom window and crept to my car to make our getaway. Safe inside my car, Max couldn't stop talking and laughing, whooping like a maniac. We arrived back at Cat's house to join them on the pile of pillows and blankets in the living room. Steve and Max didn't even make it through the first movie before they were snoring loudly. Cat was leaning against my chest, resting her hand lightly on Steve's shoulder while Max held onto her leg. I wanted to lay here forever, basking in the moment, except I couldn't.

"Babe," I whispered into her hair, "can we talk?"

I felt her shoulders tense up suddenly as she nodded, "yeah, okay."

Cat carefully slid away from Max and Steve to follow me to her room. I sat down on the edge of her bed, eyes locked on the floor where Steve had been sobbing after cleaning the bathroom. Remembered how panic had taken over me when I saw her, how destroyed I'd been after.

"B, what's going on?"

She twisted her fingers together as she sat down, just far enough away that we weren't touching. She was guarding herself, thinking the worst.

"Cat, are you really okay? I just...I don't think I can go through that again.."

I watched the tension drop from her shoulders as she reached forward to grab my hand, "I'm okay, I promise."

Tears welled in my eyes, the image of her dying burned into my mind. I grit my teeth to hold myself back from sobbing, clutching at her hand as tight as I could. I didn't want to let go of her ever again, afraid of what might happen if she stumbled in her recovery and I wasn't there.

"Hey," she soothed, pulling me into her arms, "hey, it's okay. I'm getting better, I am. I wouldn't have been able to come home if I wasn't ready. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I hurt you, B, I didn't mean to. It wasn't your fault, you have to know that.."

Cat's small hand rested on the side of my face and gentled me up to look at her.

"B," she whispered, pressing kisses across my cheeks, taking away the tears that had streamed down, "none of this was your fault, I promise. I love you, I love you so much."

Slowly, she inched her lips closer to mine, dragging her soft skin across my cheek until her mouth closed over mine. I slid my hands up her back to hold her gently as I returned the kiss, wishing I could let how much she meant to me pour through my skin. Cat crawled forward to straddle my lap, making a low groan build in my throat.

I tore myself away, breaking the kiss to press our foreheads together, breathing hard as I tried to control myself, "Cat.."

"B," she breathed, "I'm okay," she leaned into me to kiss down the pulse of my neck, "I want you."

I sighed, turning my head to allow her better access to my throat and wondered if she could feel how quickly my pulse was pounding. Panic turned to heat, spreading throughout my body.

I twisted my hand into her hair when she started to leave a purple chain behind, "Cat..I-"

Cat shushed me softly and ran her thumb over my lips, mumbling into my neck, "I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere, B."

I swiped my tongue over her thumb and slowly slid one hand down her side to toy with the edge of her sweater before dipping under it and grabbing her soft skin. She nosed up my jaw to nip at my earlobe, breathing heavily as she ran a hand down my chest.

My breath hitched under her fingers, "Babe."

Cat drug her lips across my cheek to kiss the corner of my mouth before leaning back to look at me, "yeah?"

"Are you sure? We don't have to.."

She smiled and nodded, gently running her nails over my side, "yeah, I'm sure."

A surge of emotions flowed through me as I leaned forward to meet her lips again and tightened my grip on her hip, holding her close. I had to really focus to keep myself in check when she rolled her hips into me, to stop myself from losing control and pushing her too far. Cat was breathing heavily when she pulled back to grab the bottom of my shirt and pull it off me. She ran her fingers up the muscles of my chest and stopped with the palm of her hand flat over my heart to hold my gaze for a moment. Gently, she pushed me until my back hit the blankets of her bed and then sat back in my lap. Cat let out a puff of air, bracing herself before pulling her sweater off so she was just in her bra. The last time I saw her without clothes on, she was so fragile, looked so close to death, but now, now the gaps between her bones weren't so prominent and she looked so much more alive. She crossed her arms in front of her chest to hide her scars, her eyes misting as she suddenly became self conscious under my gaze.

"Cat," I soothed, sitting back up to grab her hands, "Baby, you're beautiful. You don't need to hide from me."

"You don't think I'm...dirty...or broken?"

I pulled one of her arms towards me, kissing the middle of her palm and then slowly ran my lips up her arm, along the lifted pink scar until I reached her elbow. I raised my eyes to hers, my lips still on her skin when I murmured, "never. I love you, so fucking much..you know that, right? You're everything to me."

Cat smiled, her chin wavering a little as she watched me, nodding slowly, "yeah."

I slid my hands up to her face and pulled her over me as I leaned back down to the bed, bringing her lips back to mine. She breathed in shakily and wrapped her hands around my neck, holding me tightly. My tongue swiped across her bottom lip slowly before she opened her mouth to me, humming softly. Cat's legs hitched up to my hips to straddle me and I slid one hand down the side of her body to rest on her hip, toying with the waistband of her pants. Slowly, Cat's hand left my neck to trail down my chest, stopping when her fingertips hit my jeans. Her lips left mine to kiss down my face and suck a small bruise into the skin under my jaw as her hand slid into my pants to lightly grip my cock.

"Fuck," I groaned, my hips pressing up into her hand.

It's been so long since being touched, even longer since having sex with anyone and I realized now, when my cock kicked just from a hand sliding over it, that I was not going to last. A whine left my throat when she stroked me and I felt the puff of air leave her lips when she chuckled into my neck.

"Let me make you feel good, B," she whispered.

She pulled her hand out of my pants to slide down my body, lips trailing down the dip in my chest and over my abs until her chin touched denim. A grin played on her lips as she nosed along my hip before leaving another bruise as she undid my pants. Small fingers curled into my pants to tug them down, freeing my aching dick. Her hot tongue slid up my shaft, making me gasp when she flicked at the tip.

"Please," I whined, "fuck, Cat, please."

She hummed and wrapped her lips around my dick, slowly sliding up and down, coating me in her saliva. I gasped when I slid into the wet heat of her throat, quickly sending me careening towards release. My hand curled into her hair, trying to gently pull her off with a low whine.

Cat pulled off my cock, leaving it glistening deliciously with saliva and looked up at me, "it's okay, let go, B. Let me take care of you now."

It didn't take much longer when she took me back into her throat for me to be biting back my groans as I spilled into her mouth. She pulled off my cock and nuzzled her way back up my body, trailing kisses along my chest. When her lips reached mine, she rolled her hips into my half hard dick, making me moan into her mouth.

"You okay?" I panted against her lips, "you need to stop?"

Cat kissed the corner of my mouth quickly, "I'm okay, I want to."

I wrapped my hands around her shoulders and hitched up to roll us over, laying her down in the pillows. Her breathing started getting faster as I kissed down her body, trailing my lips between her breasts, over her stomach to the hem of her pants. I slowly undid her pants and started pulling them down, watching her face as I did, making sure she wasn't starting to panic. Cat had pulled her lip between her teeth and gotten dewy eyed by the time I had slid her pants off and dropped them on the floor.

"Hey, hey, it's okay," I soothed, moving up her body to hold her face, "you're okay. You tell me to stop and we stop, okay?"

She nodded slightly, and I knew she was just this side of panicking when I kissed down her neck to her chest. I slid my hands under her back to release the clasp of her bra and pulled it off her arms, dropping it to the floor to palm at her breasts.

"You're okay," I murmured into her skin, trailing kisses across her chest as I kept talking, "I love you...so much, Cat."

I trailed down her stomach, inching closer to her panty line, "you're everything to me."

I hooked my fingers into her underwear, my lips pressed to the light scars on her hip as I pulled them off of her. Her hands slid up to press the heels of her palms into her eyes with a shakey breath. My lips dragged over hips and thighs, kissing over her scars tenderly, keeping my eyes on her face and purposefully staying away from her most sensitive area.

"You with me?"

It took a moment for Cat to let out a shuddering breath and move her hands away from her face, wiping away the few tears that had pooled there.

"I'm here, I'm okay," she breathed.

I smiled against the inside of her leg, "what do you want, Baby? Keep going?" I kissed further up her thigh, "stop?" the sensitive skin before her core, "or I could keep this up.."

The corner of her mouth twitched up as she moaned, "come up here, B."

I pressed a chaste kiss above her slit before moving back up her body to nose along her wavering chin. Her mouth found mine as she pressed a hand to my shoulder, pushing me back until I was sitting against the headboard with her in my lap. Cat's breathing quickened when she rolled her hips against me and I reached a hand up to cup the side of her face, my other hand on her back, holding her close to me. If the last thing I ever heard was the moan that fell from her lips when she sank down on me, I would die happy. It was a sound that I could spend forever listening to, would have dreams about. Her eyes welled up with tears before she dropped her head to my shoulder, clutching at my shoulders as she kept her hips moving. I held her tightly as she whined and moaned into me, whispering curses and I love you's into her hair. Cat slowly calmed down, the tension leaving her body as she was brought closer to an orgasm. She bit into my shoulder as she came and I was soon to follow, a low whine in my throat as my hips thrust up into her.

We laid together for a while, limbs tangled and panting as we came down from our high. Cat started to shake when the high of her orgasm wore off, no longer able to push down her panic.

"Hey, hey," I soothed, smoothing my hand down her back, "you okay?"

Her head shaking was the only answer I got before I pulled her tight to my chest. Her hands balled into fists against me as I continued to rub her back and whisper to her. It took a while before she would slump against me, taking in deep shakey breaths.

"You with me?"

She sniffed and nodded, "y-yeah, yeah I'm okay."

"Wanna get cleaned up?"

Her arms tightened around me, not wanting to let go and I couldn't help the smile that came to my face.

"Alright, I'll carry you," I murmured, shifting my legs off the bed so I could stand up.

I carried her into the bathroom and managed to set her down on the edge of the tub long enough to start the shower water, though she was still clutching at my arm, not letting me go completely. With the water warmed up, I turned to gather her back into my arms and led her into the spray. We had sex again in the shower before going back to Cat's room and cuddling up on her bed, tangled in each other. She fell asleep in my arms soon after getting comfortable and I knew I should also try to sleep but I just couldn't bring myself to miss a second of her. I stayed awake as long as I could, just tracing the lines of her body and listening to the even sound of her breathing before I fell asleep.

Julie woke me up when she got home, early enough that the sun was barely peeking over the horizon. I groaned and wrapped my arms tighter around Cat, not ready to be without her again.

"Billy, Sweetie, you should get your sister home before anyone wakes up," she whispered, her soft hand on my shoulder.

I huffed and nodded, "thanks, Julie."

She smiled and ran her hand down Cat's hair, "you can all come back later. Spend a little more time together before I bring her back in the morning."

She started to leave and then stopped at the door to look back at me, "Billy?"

"Hmm?"

"Thank you. For being there for her. You and Steve, you two are the reason I still have my daughter."

I smiled a little, not knowing what to say before she left me to get up. Cat was still half asleep when I pulled away from her and whined at my absence. I smirked and pulled a pillow down into her arms for her to nuzzle into before kissing her temple and sliding off the bed to get dressed.

"B..?"

"Ssh, go back to sleep," I whispered, bending down to kiss her forehead, "I gotta get home. I'll come back though, okay?"

"Okay.." she mumbled, pulling the pillow in tighter to her.

--

Max and I made it home in time, partially because I'd carried her to and from my car instead of waiting for her to wake up. Her eyes wouldn't stay open long enough for her to walk so when I pushed her through the window she immediately curled up in my bed and went back to sleep. I chuckled softly before pulling the blanket over her and settling in beside her.

--

Cat went back to the hospital the next morning and spent another month in the rehab program. But she eventually came home and was so much healthier and happier when she did. She came back to school with us and would have to do extra courses at home in order to graduate on time but she didn't mind. Steve and I were happy to sit and help her with the work whenever we could. We watched Steve graduate a few months later and gathered at his house with the kids to celebrate. He found a job at the mall a while after and started saving up to move out. The three of us would still be together as much as possible, we were basically inseparable until Cat and I graduated. Then the subject of moving came up again.

"Where do you wanna go, Baby?"

"I thought your plan was California, B," she smiled.

"Yeah, but is that what you want? We don't have to go if you don't want to, I'll change my plan for you if you ask me to."

She leaned into my shoulder, "I want to go with you...sit on the beach...lay in the sun...but.."

My shoulders tensed, "but?"

Cat looked down at her hands and twisted her fingers together, "I think we should ask Steve to come with us...it doesn't feel right to leave him behind."

Honestly, I was glad she asked. The three of us had been through so much together and I couldn't imagine one of us not being there. Steve was the only guy I could turn to and I didn't want to lose that, nor did I want to separate him and Cat. Moving across the country would probably be hard on Cat, not knowing anybody, if Steve came with us it would be easier. The three of us were each other's family now.

I exhaled the tension from my body and turned to kiss the top of her head, "we'll need to find a bigger apartment. "

@charmed-asylum

[typinggently]

I have never watched that show. How much background info I should look up to enjoy your Sam x Dean fiction?

Dearest, that’s so sweet ahhh 🥺🥺 Honestly, I’m so honoured that you’re willing to dive into unknown waters for me 🌹🌹🌹 I wrote up a short introduction! ✨

The basics are as follows: Sam and Dean are the sons of John and Mary Winchester, with Dean being 4 years older. After Mary’s supernatural death when Dean is 5, John sweeps his children into his car and leaves the burning corpse of their normal life behind, with a sweltering pain inside of him. Driven by fear for his sons and the burning need for revenge, John raises his sons as hunters and in motel rooms. There is, and that is crucial, no resemblance of a normal life for any of them after Mary’s death.

If we’re speaking in very basic terms, Dean is the daredevil womanising Marlboro Man, complete with muscle car and leather jacket, and Sam is the more soft-spoken smart one who eats salad and has glossy-soft hair. (However, of course, Dean is fiercely family-oriented, protective, good with children. Sam started out with a rebellious streak and is still capable of great violence when he doesn’t keep himself in check. Also Dean’s the type to gaze dreamily into his girl’s eyes and hold her hand as she rides him and Sam’s one night stands are mostly of the ‘rip off your shirt and hit it from behind’ kind.)

~🖤~

Considering there are 15 seasons to choose from, people have (naturally) picked up certain elements that they find most enjoyable. There’s a good deal of people who watch it as a (romantic) comedy.

I personally enjoy the American gothic horror, the way those two are entangled beyond comprehension and, at times, indistinguishable from the monsters they hunt. Even if my fics have different topics or are lighthearted and honey-dripping, the base note is always this: their relationship, due to nature and nurture, is incredibly obsessive. Their world has been reduced to the two of them in the confines of the car or the ever-changing motel rooms, ever since they were little. Dean’s purpose in life was to protect and care for Sam, Sam’s purpose in life was to let that happen. There’s some resentment in that, sometimes you can feel them rebelling against this tangled, claustrophobic mess, but even if they fight and snarl and break up, they always return to one another and heal those cuts in their bond, which, in essence, only means that they settle back into their entangled, Janus-like double soul.

~🖤~

I’ll give you a brief summary of the first five seasons (the core of the show, at least to me), just to illustrate my point. Despite all else that happens, I think that is the foundation of the show, and thus, probably all you need to know to understand what I have in mind while I write.

🔥.1.🔥

The story begins with Sam at college, trying to establish a life away from the road and, in essence, Dean. That attempt of normality burns on the ceiling in the person of his girlfriend Jessica, repeat performance of when his mother’s body lit up his room 21 years ago. Dean picks him up and he goes back to the car, to the life he tried to leave behind, and, essentially, to Dean. They follow a trail of breadcrumbs and coordinates John leaves them to eventually get back to him. They find John, find the demon that killed Mary, and, as the turn of a new chapter is right at their fingertips, get bulldozed by a truck.

🪦.2.🪦

Season two has Dean dying. John can’t let that happen, so he finds the demon responsible for taking everything (his wife, his life, his son) from him to trade his own soul and the only thing that could kill said demon for Dean. John dies, Dean lives, and has to live with that guilt. Just like John, he turns to hunt down the demon responsible for taking everything (his mother, his life, his father). Sam starts having visions, a power grows inside of him that he can’t begin to understand and is incredibly frightened by. The demon sweeps in to steal him away, and Dean comes just in time to catch Sam, powerful and dying, in his arms. Just like John, Dean goes to trade his life. He’s promised one year on Earth, eternity in hell after. Reunited, revived, they find the demon responsible for taking everything and with the help of their father’s soul, kill him. John goes to heaven, Sam goes on living, Dean knows he’s going to hell.

⏳.3.⏳

In season three, Sam lives and has to live with what Dean did. He desperately tries to find a cure, a solution, anything. He finds Ruby, instead, a demon who promises him all three. It doesn’t work, the overly-powerful demon Lilith who was promised Dean after one year, comes and gets him. Sam watches helplessly as Dean is torn apart, then holds him, warm but cooling, in his arms.

🩸.4.🩸

Season four finds Dean finding himself breathing underground. He digs himself out of his own grave and finds Sam and has to find out that Ruby found him first. It’s now that we learn who found Dean and raised him out of hell: Castiel, unkillable, unfathomable, unbelievable. Dean, who never believed in God, now has to learn that there’s a biblical plan laid out for Sam and him. Meanwhile, Castiel, who always believed and is starting to doubt, tries to find God, who’s responsible for it all, but vanished. Meanwhile, Sam is drawn closer and closer to Ruby, by Ruby. While Castiel raised Dean out of hell, Ruby found Sam on Earth and wrapped herself around him, offering a shoulder to cry on and a wrist to drink from. Sam, who wasn’t strong enough to save Dean, quickly gets addicted to demon blood, which makes him stronger than humanely possible — and, in Dean’s eyes, less human. He falls for Ruby and falls for her scheme, which leads to him breaking the seal that kept Lucifer contained, starting what will lead to the end of everything. Ruby’s life ends with Sam’s arms wrapped around her, holding her still as Dean sinks her own knife into her.

⌛️.5.⌛️

Season five leads to the end of the world, with Heaven and Hell trying to convince Sam and Dean to follow the plan written for them: Sam is destined to be Lucifer’s vessel, give over his body to him, while Dean is meant to do the same for Michael. They are meant to fight and kill each other, and thus decide the fate of everything, heaven, hell and earth. They refuse. Dean refuses to let Michael enter and use him, forcing heaven to manipulate their half-brother Adam to step into his big brother’s shoes. Sam invites Lucifer in, but refuses to do as he’s told and breaks the Devil’s hold over him to sacrifice himself and Adam and save everything. It ends with Sam, Adam, Michael and Lucifer trapped for eternity in the cage Sam broke the seal of, and Dean, on Earth. Alone.

(Not quite, of course. Following Sam’s wish, he finds a life for himself, a woman and a child that isn’t his but close enough that Dean can pretend. Outside, in the dark, Sam watches.)

~🖤~

Voilà, that’s it. Sam and Dean kill and die for each other, sell their souls and humanity to save one another or repent for the fact that they couldn’t. There are many, many other stories interwoven there, for example the story of the amulet Sam was meant to gift their father when he was little, for protection. When John doesn’t show up to receive the gift, he gives it to Dean. For decades, the amulet is kept right against his heart, until it stops beating and Sam takes it off, to keep it warm and safe against his own chest. When Dean returns from hell, Sam, who was never able to believe that Dean was really gone, gives it back. Its journey ends where it began, in a motel room with Sam and Dean, when Dean, who finds his faith and hope to save them and the Earth crushed, takes it off and throws it away.

(And a quick look at s6: Dean has the orange juice for breakfast, scent of freshly cut grass life Sam wanted for him for one year, until Sam comes to collect him again. After spending an eternity in the cage with Lucifer (and Adam and Michael, who presumably sat in their corner and made out while Sam was being skinned like Marsyas), Sam was lifted out (by Castiel), but lost his soul and the memories of his torment in the process. What does it mean for one to lose one’s soul, what happens to that person? Sam stops sleeping, he stops caring what other people think, he stops caring for other people in general. He’s an incredibly efficient hunter and spends most of his (limitless, sleepless) time hunting, exercising, or having sex. Despite this empty, cold shell his brother has been reduced to, Dean drops his life of dinner at eight and slow morning sex to join Sam, and gets broken up with over the phone for being too attached to Sam.)

~🖤~

This got quite long after all, but I hope this got the idea across! Those two are very fascinating characters and I love them dearly. Twisted little clowns.

[zeromora]

Thoughts on 1.4 Archon Quest

Khaenri’ah, Dainsleif, Aether & Lumine, and the Seven archons: Recaps, thoughts and theories. 

These are what I gathered and my deduction so please take them with a grain of salt. 

CW // Spoilers for Archon Quest Chapter I Act IV: We Will Be Reunited 

- MC has the memory of Khaenri’ah which was destroyed 500 years ago. This confirms that Aether & Lumine are at least over 500 years old. The CN script also shows that Aether is the older of the two. (Lumine calling him Gege/Older brother and Aether calling her Meimei/Younger sister.)

- The Battle Pass Cutscene mentioned about the first crowned heir being deceived and believing that she was the queen of the kingdom of darkness. This is very likely alluded to Lumine and Khaenri’ah. (As Aether seems to be the MC in this cutscene and MHY’s preview of the Teyvat chapters.) 

Once there was a glorious kingdom established among the heavens. From that kingdom came a crowned heir, tasked with seeking out the Genesis Pearl from the Kingdom of Darkness. The first crowned heir began her journey seeking pearl. But she was deceived, and the memory of her noble origins faded. She now believed that she was the queen of the Kingdom of Darkness. But take heart, a second crowned heir had already taken the path where the first had stumbled. This is the story of your journey of your tale to be told.

(ETA: Some mentioned that the BP cutscene might not refer to MC and their twin due to the female one being the younger one. While it is also plausible that the cutscene might be talking about other characters, it doesn’t completely disprove that the cutscene isn’t about MC and their twin either. Because the terms ‘first’ and ‘second’ crowned heirs do not always mean the first crowned heir is the older of the two.)

- Dainsleif mentioned that it was the gods that destroyed Khaenri’ah. From what we gather, Khaenri’ah was 1) a country without a god to begin with, and 2) advanced in technology (apparently beyond the current Teyvat), it is likely that Celestia’s excuse to destroy it was either the hubris of humans or Khaenri’ah was advancing in the direction that wasn’t beneficial to Celestia. Could be both.  

- The lore of Bloodstained Chivalry also mentioned that the curse upon the kingdom of darkness is unjust. 

He ventured into the fallen ancient kingdom, and died in battle in the monsters' lair. At the bottom of the world, he learned the origin of the monsters that destroyed the ancient kingdom.

"The ancient kingdom was wrongfully cursed,"

"Turning its inhabitants into monsters."

"The code of chivalry tolerates not such injustice."

"If Abyss be thy name, I pledge to you my loyalty."

Still, for a nation that ‘fought for land with steel and blood’ (See: Field Tiller), is the curse place upon Khaenri’ah truly unjust? And if it is indeed unjust, what are the reasons for Khaenri’ah’s war waging and for Lumine to empathize with its cause after its destruction? Is she really deceived/corrupted? 

- Lumine mentioned having journeyed through Teyvat before, but when she woke Aether up, it was the Cataclysm already. So the world Lumine had travelled was the world before the destruction of Khaenri’ah. This implies that it’s likely she knows (some if not all of) the seven archons. (Previous Dendro archon died ~500 years ago). 

Zhongli might know something, but whether he chooses to speak of it remains a question. This might also relate to why he gave his gnosis to the Tsaritsa. 

- Dain said it was the gods that descended upon the earth and destroyed Khaenri’ah, but there is no evidence (and the lack thereof) whether any of the Seven was involved in this. But it is possible that the Cataclysm might be related to the death of the previous Dendro god. 

I think Dain’s negative opinions of the Seven is more from the Seven's relationship with Celestia. He speaks of gods as collective rather than an individual.

- Celestia is foreshadow to be the actual antagonist? (Or at least, the cyclical system that should be ended?) The nature of the world(s) Celestia has been creating/controlling is cyclical. Civilization has been built and destroyed over and over again (See: Tiara of Frost). An interesting question here is whether the Seven Archons system has been implemented before the current Teyvat. 

Personally, I believe that the Seven system is exclusive to the current Teyvat due to the occurrence of the Archon War. Not only do the seven seats let Celestia control the direction of humanity through the Seven, Celestia can also monitor the gods. 

(Possible) Chain of Authority:

Celestia >>> The Seven Archons >>> Gods that accepted the rule of the Seven >>> Humanity 

Note (1): Gods that refused to be under the rule of the Seven fled from the continent of Teyvat and became evil gods.

Note (2): The fact that Tsaritsa only planned to rebel against Celestia after the Catacylsm 500 years ago could mean that not all gods have an idea about what Celestia is up to, at least until the destruction of Khaenri’ah.

- The Seven Archons are tasked with the responsibility to guide humanity. However, with the newer generation of archons not interested in the obligation to guide humanity, with Venti originally leaving Monstadt free of its rulers and Zhongli retiring, how important to Celestia is actually this duty? 

Perhaps Celestia never means for humanity to prosper to the point of challenging the heavens from the start? As long as the civilizaion doesn’t advance in the direction that Celestia finds undesirable, it is acceptable? 

Note (3): Rex Lapis’ death and Zhongli giving away his gnosis means that there will be no new Geo Archon to replace him. Consequently, this makes Liyue godless city but a nation run by humans. However, Liyue has yet to incur the wrath from Celestia for the time being.

- How omnipotent is Celestia? Is the eye of Celestia all-seeing? Does Celestia even know the Tsaritsa is collecting gnoses? And what about Rex Lapis faking his death? Does Celestia even know his death was fake? If so, has Celestia begun an operation, a counter-measure, against the possible rebellion and/or the Abyss? 

- Also, at the end of the quest, Dain chased after Lumine with the Eye of the First Tiller with him and the upside-down Venti Statue was still not destroyed. Are we still getting mecha-Osial? (They mention the attachment of Osial’s limbs to the statue, does this mean the abyss plans to dissect Osial first? Poor thing. I can only hope they leave him alone.)

[earbuds-and-hightops]

An Open Letter to Supernatural

[ Spoiler warning for 15x20, obviously ]

I understand that a well-contemplated complaint about this ending cannot be made without first reading the original, pre-COVID, script of 15x20, but in the long run, the initial plan is not what will be remembered. 

What will be remembered is what this show created. What it became beyond two brothers driving around the country, hunting monsters. Characters were introduced and developed, and in that, Sam and Dean Winchester become so much more than two kids living on the road. In the past 15 years, the cast, and thus the family, grew to something that would be unimaginable to those who started this project back in 2005. Not only did the characters and their stories become meaningful, but the show itself grew into, well, a family. The fans who have kept this show alive since Day 1 have come together to form what I believe is the greatest community in pop culture. 

What hurts the most is that this finale did not do any of that development justice. 

The finale (and consequently the episodes leading up to it) reverts back to the story between only Sam and Dean. While some see this as an ode to who they are--their brotherhood and familial bond being the heart of their values and the root of their characters--I cannot help but see this as a rejection of their experiences this past decade and a half. 

What’s worse, episode 15x18 confirmed one of the most pure and powerful and goddamn beautiful romances that television will ever see. This story of an angel who abandoned his family and the only beings he’s known for thousands of years, all for one person. I knew from the instant the screen faded to black on November 5 that the story of Castiel will always be remembered, even if his feelings were unrequited. Castiel will always be remembered. 

And then there’s Destiel. I was genuinely impressed that this show would even grow to include a queer angel, more importantly, a queer character in a leading role. The queer-baiting and the “bury your gays” trope both make this confession and its lack of acknowledgement that much worse (and is worthy of an entirely separate open letter for another night). It matters less if Dean does or doesn’t reciprocate these feelings and more that it’s wrong that he completely ignores it. Cas’s love confession, this beautifully tragic and tragically beautiful emotion coming from a being who wasn’t supposed to feel emotions at all, is something that, unfortunately, will become a secret that dies with Dean Winchester. 

It’s truly a shame that the writers of this show let that happen. 

We haven’t even touched the fact that Castiel’s death was an act of sacrifice to save Dean. Dean’s limited reaction and lack of mourning* tears apart this phrase that has become pivotal to the entire show and fanbase: “Family don’t end in blood.” While it would be a lot to ask that Dean rescue Cas from the Empty and resume their cycle of rescue and resurrection, I think it’s only fair that Dean take the time to fully accept Castiel’s actions and words for what they mean instead of simply moving forward as if they never happened.

What’s more, Misha Collins is one of the greatest and kindest people in this world, and he’s poured his heart and soul into Supernatural, just like everybody else. He’s spent 12 years on this project, and the final two episodes hardly mentioned his character. He didn’t deserve this. It’s heartbreaking that his last credit on this show will be a prank call from someone trying to impersonate him, and not something that pays tribute to such an important character and important actor**

The most devastating part of this ending is what happened in 15x19. Pardon my French when I say that that episode, the ultimate climax of the season and latter half of the series, was a piece of dog shit. It’s incredibly frustrating to invest in 15 years worth of television and look forward to this ultimate battle between two average boys and God the Almighty Himself and to instead watch a 6-minute long fist fight on the beach with the only dialogue being variations of “seriously guys, stay down.” 

My issues with 15x19 lie less in the storyline that was chosen and more in how they were presented. I am completely on board with Jack taking God’s power and eventually becoming the new God, but the episode was far too quick to have any real meaning, and, as stated before, Castiel’s sacrifice, which allows Sam, Dean, and Jack to do what they do in 15x19, is hardly mentioned.

Most fans agree that 15x19 was far too quickly paced. The plot with Michael and Lucifer was questionable to begin with, but should have been an episode on its own if it were to be perused at all. Michael’s story in particular could have been fleshed out to reiterate this theme of overly loyal sons and their fathers, as well as their relationships with less loyal siblings, but was instead reduced to about 20 minutes of screen time. 

Though this is less important, Lucifer’s plan to make a new Death felt like a cheap cop-out just to close the storyline with Death’s book, but we can finish that discussion another day. 

The general fan reaction to this atrocity of an episode was that this was meta, and according to Becky, the ending was supposed to be dog shit. This, along with the untouched storyline started when Cas died, gave fans so much hope that the finale would be this amazing piece of art that puts Supernatural in the history books. 

While it’s obvious that an hour cannot perfectly tie up every single event and arc with a pretty little bow, it can at least...try. Any finale should, at minimum, pay tribute to what the show started as (which 15x20 did well) and what it became (which 15x20 failed to do miserably). 

In addition, a reference to character back in season 1 is incredibly frustrating when recurring characters with actual, well, character go unnoticed. I mostly reference Eileen here, but this also applies to Jody and Donna. Nobody even mentions the other wonderful friends who have helped Sam and Dean along their journey to Heaven. If family doesn’t end in blood, then why doesn’t it extend to include Castiel, Jack, Mary, Rowena, Charlie, Kevin, Jody and her girls, Donna, and so many others?

Dean’s death was sad, I’ll give them that (and honestly, I was expecting it). However, considering that this man has defeated apocalypses, killed Death, and taken down God, his death via nail in the wall was incredibly anticlimactic, and something that could literally have happened at any point over the 15 seasons. While Dean’s death was obviously not my ideal ending, I think it could have worked if it were done properly, and in this case, it was not. That said, I do appreciate that Sam did not try to bring Dean back, as that would indicate literally no growth at all.

Dean’s funeral was...pathetic, to say the least. Sam being the only person there was depressing considering that Dean had lots of other close friends (and you’d think that Jack would pay his respects, but apparently not), however, this is likely a scene that was impacted by COVID and the availability of some of the cast, so I will not dwell on that scene.

Dean’s time in Heaven complicates matters even more. Firstly, Bobby confirms that Castiel is no longer in the Empty and has been in contact with Jack. I would have loved to see this reunion; Cas is essentially Jack’s father, and I would have loved to see how their upgrading/remodeling of Heaven brought them closer together. I understand that the writers were trying to focus this finale story on the brothers, this goes back to my earlier point that you cannot simply ignore everything that that this show has grown to include. Bobby’s explanation also begs the question of why Dean had no intention of seeing Cas (or Jack, for that matter) again now that he has the opportunity.

Secondly, Dean’s instinct to go directly for the Impala was very in-character, however, the editing implied that driving was all Dean did until Sam died. As we know, Sam dies of old age, likely (completely guessing here) upwards of 40-50 years from Dean’s death, and that is a very, very long time for Dean to simply driving around the mountains. It would have been nice to see Dean reunite with other family and friends who are also in Heaven, however, again, COVID restraints.

Sam’s ending was similar to what I and a lot of other fans imagined (not necessarily wanted, but predicted) it to be: kids and a wife, living a normal, monster-free, life. I hate to believe that he doesn’t end up with Eileen (to my recollection, his wife was a blur in the background, and it is unclear if she was meant to be Eileen) however that might just be my bias and appreciation of Shoshannah Stern. While I’m glad that this storyline gave Sam the room to grow and develop without his brother, it also completely ignores everything that he’s been through this past decade and a half, and that is something that should not happen. Sam grew and changed so much since he left Stanford and leaving that life, the life of a hunter, behind feels very counterintuitive.

Let’s not even discuss the wig that Jared wore. It reminded me of the Cain wig that Rob wore in the Hillywood parody.

What shocked me the most at the beginning of this episode was the lack of a “The Road So Far” compilation. I hoped for the full song with a recap of all 15 seasons, or, at minimum, the typical single-season recap. “Carry On My Wayward Son” is such an important part of the show and the culture of the fan base, that it seems almost sacrilegious that the season finale not begin with this song and a memorial to the events in the past season (or series).*** I’m very happy that it was included at all, but I was shocked when Neoni’s cover took over.

No disrespect to Neoni; those girls are incredibly talented and I love their music, however, a series finale of a 15 season long show does not feel like the place for a cover when they already have the rights to the original, and the original is so iconic.

Lastly, I want to acknowledge Jensen Ackles’s reaction to this conclusion. At a con panel about a year ago, he said that he needed to be talked into agreeing to this script by Erik Kripke himself, because the ending just wasn’t sitting right with him. So many fans took this to believe that he was homophobic and afraid that of Destiel becoming fully canon, and he got so much more hate than he deserved, because ultimately, he was right in his first opinion. This isn’t the way this story should have ended. Jensen explained that he had been “too close” to the story, and that it took a more holistic view from a step backwards (the audience’s perspective, as he puts it) to agree on this ending, but honestly, nobody knows Dean Winchester better than Jensen, and he knows what’s best and what would be the best way to finish this character’s arc. I think fans and Jensen alike agree that this wasn’t it.

I sympathize with all of the cast and crew members who disagree with how this show ended but are bounded by contract to support this show no matter what. Especially Misha and Jensen.

Over all, I believe that Supernatural will go down in history (in internet communities, at least) as one of the greatest shows ever. While I do agree that the writing quality in terms of both dialogue and plot declined as years passed, the community, the family, that this show created cannot be ignored because of a poorly written/planned ending. I think that the fandom will collectively let go of this disaster of an ending that we were given and will, just like Sam and Dean, write our own stories. I have full faith and confidence that Supernatural will not be represented by this finale episode, but by the beautiful stories, amazing characters, and the family that this show created and what the fans have chosen to do with it.

Sincerely,

A Fiercely Frustrated but Fiercely Loyal Fan

* I do not count that last clip of Dean crying on the floor as mourning. In my mind, that was a reaction, not an emotional healing and overcoming, if that makes sense. I argue that if Dean were to fully mourn and process everything (like Sam did in 15x20) we would have seen at least a bit of that on screen. 

** This is where I would have loved to see some of the original scripts. I hope that the writers initial intentions were to have Misha more involved in these last two episodes than what was likely a voice memo created in 10 minutes tops at Misha’s house.

*** The strange montage at the end of 15x19 makes so much more sense. I still would have preferred that montage at the beginning of 15x20. This also shines light on the video that Misha posted. What would we do without him :)

[babygirlwolverine]

I feel really empty about the finale, I expected to cry and have all the emotions but instead I had a few seconds of sadness with Dean and just so much emptiness. All of the characters deserved better, Dean... from raising his little brother to having an Angel fall for him deserved so much better. He finally started to believe in 15x18 that he wasn’t the “ultimate” killer but someone who did things out of love, someone coming to terms with who he is... and they kill him like that. They pulled a PLL but for their main character.

Sam... a faceless wife and a horror party city wig. He deserved so much better as well. At the end of it, I get why they had them reunited, living the life they’ve dreamed about forever but Dean died so young, never experiencing anything in life.

And Cas... oh my god Cas. This hurts so much and I refuse to accept any of it, just fully living in fanfiction canon at this point. They made him vulnerable, they made him fall in love and they wasted so much. They wasted an arc that changed the dynamic of the show for a quick second and I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay of that.

I wanted to do a rewatch, I actually wanted to start really soon but I just can’t right now. This show came into my life when I needed it the most, I was in a dark place and it brought light to my day. But now I don’t even have a happy finale to look forward to if I ever did rewatch. I have characters who deserved so much better and deserved so much love.

I’m really sorry about the rambles and the rant, I probably didn’t even fully explain everything I’m feeling. I’m just upset and numb and empty towards it all. I don’t wanna lose this show and I don’t wanna lose the characters but I just can’t accept the finale and be fully content with it. I just can’t...

Hi nonnie. I just watched the episode and I honestly feel the exact same way you do. I feel empty and numb. Dean’s death did make me cry, but that was it. I had no real large moments of joy. Nothing that made me smile or feel like I was watching my boys be who they really are. It felt disjointed and disconnected and I’m very upset about it. I’m grasping to the small details like Dean and Sam being in Heaven together, and driving Baby around forever.

Your description of Dean is so spot on. Saying he deserved better for everything he’s given. He deserved a life. He deserved love. He deserved to live and enjoy the world he spent his whole life protecting and saving. I completely agree with you that 15x18 gave us this new light for Dean- him seeing his fight for love and seeing himself filled with not anger or rage or killer blood, but love for his family and the ones he cares so deeply for. That’s the Dean Winchester I fell in love with. That’s the Dean Winchester who stole our hearts. This version tonight was not him. This was not Dean. Dean never gives up. Dean fights for his family to the end and beyond. Even typing this is making me cry. His death felt unfuifilled. Dean was meant to go out in a blaze of glory, not on some measly vamp hunt. It almost...

Okay, I’m not sure if anyone has said this, and I’m expecting hate for saying this. But that death made a mockery of his character. It was a slap in the face. The Greatest Hunter died on his first hunt after Chuck was powerless. And it makes it feel cheap. Like Chuck was the only reason he was a good hunter and without Chuck writing it, Dean was nothing. And I can’t accept that. It utterly destroys me. We’ve seen Dean prove himself over and over again without Chuck (ie “we’re making it up as we go”) and yet here he is, dying on their first hunt after Chuck as if his entire arc as a hunter has been a waste. It completely destroys his character. It makes the whole show a farce. Why show us Dean and Sam being something beyond Chuck’s control and the minute they finally take Chuck off the map, Dean dies in a salt-and-burn easy level hunt. It crushes my soul. I can’t fathom how hurt it makes me feel.

Having Sam not end up with Eileen felt cheap and wrong too. Why lead us with all these saileen hints for seasons and then drop that and have him a marry some rando we don’t even get to see. That’s not the Sam I fell in love with. That’s not him. I can’t accept that. He was devasted over losing Eileen in 15x18 and then we never see her again. Sam deserved the world after everything he’s sacrificed and I cannot begin to describe how upset I am over it. Like yes, I wanted him to have a wife and kids and to retire and be normal, but this felt like an imitation of that hope. Dean deserved to live longer in the world he helped to save. And I refuse to believe Sam would take Dean’s word and not try to save him or bring him back. That’s not who they are.

Okay, I’m going to try not to ramble here because it’s 3am and I’m not going to get any sleep but of all the characters, Cas deserved the fucking world and more. I am utterly desvasted over what they did to Cas. He died without love. He never knew if his family loved him and God I’m now full on sobbing onto my keyboard. Cas opened up, gave his heart to Dean, and died thinking it was for nothing. They could do a whole spin-off just for Cas and even that wouldn’t be enough honestly. I completely agree with you about living in fanfiction. You’re so valid in your feelings over Cas’ wasted arc. You summed up how I feel, and how so many of us feel. Cas gave the show new purpose, new direction, new hope, and they squandered it.

Oh nonnie, I completely understand how you feel about the rewatch. It’s so hard to fathom watching again knowing this is what it leads to. I understand why you can’t right now. What you feel is so valid and so honest and you deserve all the time you need to process everything. My advice? Take time. Find your happiness in the show again- whether it be characters or scenes or specific episodes that made you fall in love. And start with that. And when you’re ready, start rewatching, but only go as far as you want. You do not have to watch the finale again. THe ending can be wherever you want it to be. Do not let this be canon. The show is in the fans hands now. Make it whatever you want it to be. The writers cannot take your personal experience with the show away. It sounds like this show was a lifesaver for you, and that it helped you when you needed to get out of a dark place. I encourage you to find that again. Find scenes. Find episodes or seasons. Characters or plot points. Anything. Find the things about the show that made you happy and hold on. Don’t let go. No matter how badly they slaughtered the ending, no one can take your personal experiences away. No one can take that power from you. The show creators don’t have that power over you. Tell them to f’ off and you keep the parts of the show that saved you. No one can take that from you.

Please do not ever apologize for rambling to me. You can always always always come and ramble to me. I’m sorry my response got personal and long-winded and rambling too. I didn’t mean to get quite so full-throttle but your ask really made me feel things. Also, you don’t have to have all your feelings together right now. You are allowed to be feeling things you can’t express right now. That’s okay. All your feelings, even the ones you can’t put into words, are valid and acceptable. Everything you said and feel is so understandable. You are not alone, I promise. Take some time to grieve and mourn and be upset and angry and empty. When you’re ready, I promise you will find happiness in the show again. I promise. You are not losing the show or the characters. They’re yours. They’re ours. They are no longer in the hands of the creators/writers. They belong to the fans now. We create the stories and the future now. You don’t have to accept the finale... now or ever. You are allowed to be upset. Everything you feel is completely fair. Just know that I love you, that the fandom loves you, and we will be here to help you pick up the pieces.

[perpetually-blue]

supernatural finale. we’ve all been hearing about it, whatever, even if you didn’t want to. it’s happening. 15 years of love for these boys, there’s bound to be feelings. but GOD it’s so much worse because it was so beyond awful.

jack wasn’t going to bring dean back. hate to say it but there it is. too much interference from a higher power is what got us here in the first place. but it didn’t need to be like that. it shouldn’t have. dean was born to die. he’s the love of my life and i will always save a special place in my heart for him, but we all knew he wasn’t ever going to grow old and die in hospice.

that doesn’t mean dean was meant to die LIKE THAT. sam was supposed to live a life with eileen, 2.5 kids and maybe doing some research for other hunters on the side because let’s face us, they’d never really get out. dean would’ve been a mechanic or something simple that he truly enjoyed, living his life with his brother, being happy for him like he always wanted. he would’ve lived. would he ever really moved on from cas? no, not in my opinion. cas was the first person to ever really tell him how much he deserved, how good he was, how loved he was. no one was ever going to even come close to that angel. there was no point. he would’ve been happy by himself and probably with miracle dog.

they would’ve gotten a call from someone important to them, garth or maybe claire if she was still around, i don’t know and it doesn’t really matter. one last hunt to tie up lose ends, finish where dad left off like they were always meant to do. the stupid vampire clowns would’ve been researched and remembered and “if it were my kid i would want someone to save them” kinda thing. deans got a soft spot for kids, we know this.

they’re mid hunt and the boys are starting to realize they might not make it out of this one. there’s too many, they’re out of practice, whatever. by a stroke of luck they finish the job and things look fine until dean gets all pale, looks to at sam with that look in his eyes that says “oh fuck, this is it.” sam rushes over, parallel to dean at the end of season two (or whenever sam got stabbed in the back, it’s been a minute cut me some slack) and deans death scene? phenomenal. stays almost exactly the same, except more emphasis on the ‘it’s fine, i’m ready, promise me you’ll live out the rest of your normal life. i’m at peace with this’ kinda thing. i would loved to see some illusion to cas but we all know that would be way too gay for the cw. sam takes deans body back to the house, covered in blood, and told eileen to make sure to keep the kids in the house. he’d cry to her on the porch and she’d promise she’d be right next to him when they burned his body, hunter style, because dean winchester wouldn’t decay in a wooden box for the rest of eternity like some childhood pet.

dean always wanted a big funeral. sam knew this, and that was the least he deserved. he makes some calls and on a sunny thursday morning, when the air is crisp and the day is still, the entire fucking world shows up to the funeral of the most legendary hunter there ever was. people sam didn’t know came to pay respects to this man, who devoted his life to everyone but himself. they’d pour a beer out, and sam would be the one to light the torch and do the deed.

he’d live out the rest of his life, mourning his brother and best friend, but he’d live for his family, for the brother that always wanted this for him. because that’s what sam deserved and that’s what sam was always destined to get.

dean would get to heaven and be blown away by the improvements jack was making. he knew jack hadn’t forgotten about him (he’d stop by every so often, leave a half eaten three musketeers in the kitchen, etc) and he was right. the boy he raised was one of the first people to greet him when he finally made it to heaven, telling him how much he missed him and whatnot. he’d be ecstatic to tell dean all of the things he’d done and bring him to the people he’d missed for so long. ellen, bobby, jody, benny (because he deserved to be in heaven, damn it), and everyone else. and when he’d said his hellos and caught up with everyone he’d been missing, he’d look around with a sad and almost disappointed look in his eye. jack would see it and smile. “you didn’t think he wouldn’t be here, did you?” and when dean turns around, he sees the angel he’d been in love with for so damn long. cas would be all “hello, dean” and while we wouldn’t get a kiss or anything, i’d settle for a teary eyed hug and a big smile that said all of the things dean never got to say.

then one day, when sam had lived his long, happy, drawn out life, he’d lay in that stupid hospice bed with (hopefully a better wig) his family all around him, and his eldest son would take his hand and tell him it was okay. and that’s all he would need to let go and finally reunite with his big brother, the single most important person in his life.

that’s how it should’ve ended, and fuck the cw and the show writers for taking that away from us.