#but equally acknowledging the fear as a part of me that is trying to protect me

[lurkingshan]

I absolutely loved the first two episodes of Love in the Big City, and I thought all of the adaptation choices were brilliant, but the part that hit me most as I was watching and that my mind keeps circling back to relates to this question from @bengiyo:

In the novel, we see everything through Young's rather biting and cynical internal monologue, while in the drama we see other characters through a broader lens. With this different perspective, how does Mi Ae's outing of Go Yeong and the fallout change compared to the novel?

I think for me, this shift that allowed us to see Mi Ae outside of Yeong's perspective enhanced my empathy for her and for the choices she made. Because it all comes back to this quote, originally from the novel and used verbatim in the show:

"Through me, she learned that being a gay man sucks, and through her, I learned that being a woman equally sucks."

Yeong and Mi Ae connected with each other because they were both living outside the accepted norms and were isolated and lonely as a result. The forms of oppression they experienced were not the same, but it was a point of connection and the foundation of their deep bond. They fell in love with each other because of their shared choice to be themselves loudly, and fuck the social consequences. They were each other's most important person, regardless of who they were dating. And so when Mi Ae, shaken up after her abortion and exhausted by trying to fight the social tide, made the choice to stop being true to herself and conform, of course Yeong felt abandoned. And then when she outed him to protect her conformity, betrayed.

In the novel, we learn about Mi Ae (Jaehee) outing Yeong (Young) from him, and it's presented to us as a callous betrayal, because that's how it felt to him. But in the show, we get to see Mi Ae make that decision. We see how cornered she felt when her boyfriend confronted her about the lies she'd been telling, we see his genuine (justified) upset at learning she'd been living with a man he doesn't know, we see her panicking and reaching for something to smooth it over, and we can see that in the moment, it feels reasonable to her to tell her partner the truth. We can see that it wasn't malicious, and she did not intend to hurt Yeong.

But it still hurts, because in making that decision, she implicitly acknowledged that Yeong is no longer her most important person. Someone else, or at least the idea of what he represents, became her top priority, and she protected her romantic relationship rather than protecting Yeong. She still loved Yeong, but she wouldn't put him first any longer, and when she made that choice their relationship as they knew it was over. Mi Ae was ultimately captivated by the allure of social acceptance, and she chose a path of conformity that was not open to Yeong--she is, after all, a cishet woman and able to revert to societal expectations much more easily than Yeong ever could as a gay man who would struggle to pass even if he wanted to. Her choice was confirmation that, in fact, their situations do not equally suck, and she retreated to her privileged identity, leaving him behind.

And so we come to the scene that punched me in the heart more than any other in this first section: the two of them singing together at her wedding, taking one last glorious moment to be themselves again in front of people who would never understand them. In that moment I felt so sad for Yeong, that this relationship that meant so much to him was irrevocably changed, and for Mi Ae, that she abandoned these aspects of herself out of fear and committed herself to a man who looked stunned to see a glimpse of the real her. And more than anything, I felt sad about how isolating and alienating it feels to simply exist in the margins of what is socially acceptable, that conforming is always the easier choice for those who can hide, and that Yeong was once again left to struggle alone.

[a-commas-a-pause]

I also get this specific anxiety yes! Especially with larger pills that can get a little stuck in the throat. Though of course the smaller ones feel like they would be less noticeable (not true btw any pill big enough that you can see it WOULD be noticeable going down your trachea. That thing is sensitive).

Just to make sure I wasn't giving you false info, I did go and do a quick google on this, and can confirm, there is nothing to worry about - if a pill/object had ended up in your lungs you would be having noticeable trouble breathing and likely be in quite a lot of pain.

I have had tiny amounts of food go down the wrong way a couple of times myself and even very small pieces will usually cause a LOT of fuss.

Also, even if something did get into your lungs and then somehow dissolved there without getting coughed back up/raising hell and causing you immediate and persistent stabbing pains (very unlikely) it wouldn't dissolve your lungs themselves. It would just end up in your bloodstream a bit faster than if it had gone in the normal way (c.f. weed ingested via the digestive system (e.g brownies) vs inhaled (ie in a vape or smoked) is widely understood to "kick in" at different speeds and with different side effects). That's not to say it's totally safe or anything, any solid object in the lungs is bad because it can fuck with your breathing and provide a nucleus for germs to grow on, but it's not going to melt them straight up. And you would notice (in the form of pain and shortness of breath, basically pneumonia symptoms) if something solid did end up down there and didn't sort itself out.

And if you're thinking "well, maybe the pill was small I wouldn't notice"? Understandable, but if it were truly so small, it would be small enough for your cilia to deal with it. It would get wafted all the way back up the trachea and into the oesophagus. Where it is meant to be. That's what the cilia are for it's like their whole thing they do this with dust particles and similar all the time.

If it helps, here is a Reddit thread of other people being reassuring, and in some cases also commiserating about having this exact same anxiety:

My brain is giving me a hard time with taking my medication. I took a sip to swallow the pill and it went down weird and I can’t tell if I swallowed it or inhaled it and I’m lowkey scared it’s in my lungs and dissolving them. Anyone else have this problem

[fandommothlady]

What if future Michelangelo accidentally sends his soul back in time as he disintegrates? But he can't exist without a physical body so he latches onto Mikey? So now Mikey has an angry old man in his head that he really doesn't want to tell his brothers about because they're all still recovering from the Trauma Extravaganza of 2022 (Extended Edition)?

Like there's so much we can do with this. Mikey now has a teacher to help him with his mystic powers. Said teacher also doubles as an emotional support grandpa that refuses to allow his newly-adopted grandson/sweet-tiny-childhood-version-of-himself take any shit whatsoever. Dr. Delicate Touch, but fully grown and no longer hiding under the veneer of a "persona." Plus three overprotective older brothers, one equally-overprotective-but-refuses-to-admit-it older sister, and two trying-to-be-better-and-kind-of-succeeding-at-it dads, all of whom have no idea what the fuck is going on.

Mikey can float now. When did that happen? Didn't they specifically tell him not to use his mystic powers until they know more? Where is all this new stuff coming from? And so on and so forth, and when they confront him about it, they come off as overly controlling and aggressive (because they're worried), and future Michelangelo snaps back (because fuck you, mini-me could pound you into the dirt you overgrown cabbages), and Mikey eventually blows up himself (because he's stuck between these idiots), but that just worries his family even more, and- and-

And it's a mess.

And Michelangelo can talk to Mikey about things. About how he doesn't need to hide his anger for the fear of being hated for it. About how he shouldn't have to put on a mask to be taken seriously. Dr. Feelings and Dr. Rude, and Delicate Touch and Positive, and any other character he comes up with, those are all valid parts of himself that he should embrace with pride, not cling to in fear.

And it all sounds nice and flowery and all the good things, except future Michelangelo is a cranky old man who stopped giving a shit about three decades ago, so in practice it's more like:

"Tell him to go fuck himself."

"Ignore him! Tell him he can take his opinion and shove it up his sweaty asshole!"

"This is such bullshit - Mikey. Mikey, tell him it's bullshit. Tell him! No don't passive-aggressively boil his soda; you need to talk about these things- goddammit- Mikey!!!!"

AND. Angst. Like so much angst. Future Michelangelo is literally in Mikey's head now, which means all his memories are too. Dreams about the not-future could easily turn into nightmares - Mikey getting visions about the horrible things Michelangelo witnessed in his own timeline, and Michelangelo feeling so guilty about it. Here he is trying to help this kid and instead he's hurting him even more. It sucks.

When future Michelangelo looks at Mikey, he doesn't just see a younger, alternate version of himself - he sees what he used to be, what he couldn't have. He feels angry, and it's a selfish kind of anger. He wanted better for himself - wants better for himself. He wants his family and his home and a happy childhood and respect that wasn't earned through bloodshed. So he looks at Mikey and he feels protective - that kind of cagey, snappy, volatile protectiveness over one's self that comes from being hurt one too many times. Like a wounded animal in a cage.

When these younger versions of his brothers - children - question Mikey's abilities, his wellbeing, his resilience, his mindfulness... They're not just questioning Mikey. They're questioning Michelangelo. Michelangelo's abilities. Michelangelo's mindfulness and resilience. It feels like an insult - like they can't acknowledge just how fucking strong he is and how strong he's always been.

It wasn't just the war. It wasn't just the violence and the pain and all the horrible things he had to do to survive. Those things toughened him the hell up, sure - taught him a lot about himself, absolutely - but Michelangelo has always been strong. Michelangelo can be strong without being monstrous. And he's going to fucking prove it.

And that's why he's so immediately defensive of Mikey - there's a hefty amount of self-projection going on (which, to be fair, makes sense given that it's literally him), and helping his younger self is therapeutic to him. (But even with that, they do eventually form a bond that's more than just self-projection on Michelangelo's part and a need to prove himself on Mikey's.)

Also, something worth reiterating: Mikey is angry too. Like he has so much internalized anger that it's actually concerning and Michelangelo knows that - both because he's been there and because he can literally feel it given his current position. So it's not future Michelangelo encouraging Mikey to be pissed off; it's future Michelangelo encouraging Mikey to be openly pissed off. To express more of himself than just the parts that are palatable to other people.

And yeah. Something about old, been-through-it-and-learned-from-it Michelangelo teaching life lessons to child Mikey, and doing so in his gruff, cranky, old-man way, just feeds my soul.

[madaboutmunson]

Again - Part 2

Part 1 | Part  3 | Full list of Again series links inc AO3 Link

Steddie fic where Steve and Eddie are in their mid 30's and everyone has sort of drifted apart

Taglist: @adaed55 @grtwdsmwhr @swimmingbirdrunningrock

Thank you to @gamerdano for all their help with this 💚💚💚

================================================

Steve was still deciding whether to tell Mac Eddie was a friend of his or not. He didn't want her to feel like that's what is getting her foot in the door because Steve knew that Eddie didn't work that way. Sure he might censor his words and emotions around kids, but he did try to treat people equally for the most part. Steve liked to think his upsetting the Munson Doctrine all those years ago had a hand in this. "Hey, Mac. If you still wanna head in, you can. Doesn't look like there is a timetable or anything" He smiles at his daughter, who stands up excitedly, but stops mid-step towards the door and beckons him down to her height.

"Dad, are there any girls in there?" She asked in an unsure whisper.

"In the quick glance I had, I didn't see any, but that doesn't mean there isn't or won't be any, but even if there isn't, you have something else in there. You've got an Eddie." He says with the most reassuring smile he can.

"That's just another boy", she scoffs and holds her book a bit tighter, eyes looking at the library's main entrance, protecting herself with annoyance from the fear.

"I mean, yes, he is a boy, numbers-wise a man, but I think you really should meet him before writing him off. Eddie is er…well…how can I put this…he's unique" Steve finally grabs the diplomatic word he was looking for.

She looks back at her Dad, "How do you know that?"

"There are many reasons, but mainly he's just been running around in there, roaring, with some kind of dragon head on because he thinks it makes him less scary to kids." Steve frowns and shakes his head. But Mac's eyes light up, and she smiles as she looks over at the door, "Could be worth a shot, right? You could hang around maybe? It's not like you’ve got much else going on", she says non chalantly, but Steve can read he's needed.

"Right." Steve nods, scooping up Corey by his arm again. Mac drops in behind him as he passes through the door. Eddie was still standing exactly how and where Steve had left him, a small welcoming but almost nervous smile on his face, with his dragon head tucked under his arm. Steve sees Eddie observe Corey first, who has not looked up at all to acknowledge him, and Steve guides him towards the nearest chair for him to sit in, revealing his Daughter behind him as he does. Eddie's face erupts in a big smile like he’d just identified one of his own.

"Eddie, this is Mac, I mean Mackenzie" Steve looks to Mac for reassurance he's using the correct name she likes to go by now. She nods, "Mackenzie, this is…."

Eddie bows deeply, "Eddie The Not So Banished, humbly at your service."

Mackenzie raises an eyebrow at Eddie and looks up at Steve, who mouths, "Told you," and she smiles in reply. Her grip loosens on her book as she looks Eddie over. Her eyes study his face most of all.

"Don't worry about the scars, sweetheart. They're old. They won't bite. I'm not that scary, promise" Eddie smiles, but Steve detects a slight disappointment in his eyes as he squeezes the dragon head.

"Oh no, it's not that," she says quickly, "Just the one here", she points at his jaw, "It looks like a dragon roaring." 

"Wait, really?" Eddie says, reaching for his face. There is no falseness in his voice; he is genuinely surprised and walks over to the nearest door window to look at his reflection "Huh. I've had them for longer than you've been alive, and I never even noticed that." Eddie laughs, "Anyway, enough about me, let's get started on your new character, yeah? You can keep your character, but we'd have to strip it back to level one because of the nature of the campaign, but if you're still interested, I could introduce you to one of the parties, Zee. I mean…Mackenzie, sorry" Eddie waves his hand towards a bunch of nearly full tables behind him. 

"Zee is fine", she smiles up at Eddie. Steve almost feels a little jealous as they exchange smiles and walk away from him. Eddie animatedly gesticulates with the dragon head in his hand, and Mac giggles. It had been a long time since Steve had made her laugh like that, but he let it go. It's nice just to see her smiling for a change. Steve grabs a D&D book and settles into the chair next to Corey.

"How's the game, son?" He tries.

The reply is a grunt, but the tone of it goes up at the end of it, so Steve decides to quit whilst he is ahead and read for a while.

Sometime later, someone lands dramatically in the chair on his other side.

"I think we finally found a match!" Eddie says wearily with a laugh, "She does not wanna let go of that Cleric. Not that I can blame her. A lot of effort has gone into that build. At least you won't have to buy any new accessories, though," Eddie says next to Steve as he lowers his book slightly to spy over the top of it. 

Eddie's ringed hand points her out, and Steve taps his hand down, "Jesus Christ, Eddie, do not do that", he says in a hushed voice.

Eddie furrowed his brow, "I was just showing you where she was, man. Calm down", he laughed.

Steve makes a whispered, incorrect buzzer sound from behind his book at Eddie, "Wrong. Let me try and remember her words exactly last time…oh hang on a second…." Steve checks his watch, "Thought so" he reaches into his pocket and pulls out 10 dollars and nudges Corey, "Go hydrate. I'll keep hold of your game", he says, putting the game on pause with his thumb and putting it in his lap careful not to touch anything else. Then he returns to Eddie, who is now also behind the book, "I pointed her out to one of the Moms at school, and apparently that was so mortifying that she would have sold her soul to satan himself to just evaporate into the ether."

Eddie's eyes go wide, and he holds back a laugh.

"It's not funny, Eddie. It haunts me. I remember every word. It hurt like a bitch. Can you believe I'm an embarrassment now?" 

"Oh, Steve…you think there was a time you weren't embarrassing?" Eddie teases

"Oh ha-ha, very funny. I'll have you know I was very cool once, not just cool. The coolest!" Steve whispers in annoyance, "You know this!"

"And look at you now, Harrington. Sitting in a library, a computer game in your lap, hiding behind a d&d book from a thirteen-year-old with the Freak of Hawkins. You still feeling pretty cool?" Eddie chuckles quietly.

Steve slumps with a defeated face, and Eddie looks at him again, "If it's worth anything. If I didn't know you, I'd think you were a pretty cool Dad. Do you see any other parents here?" Steve peeks over his book, looks around, holds it up again, and shakes his head at Eddie, "A lot of parents just don't have the time, you know, but even the ones that do, have no idea what a Cleric is let alone anything else." Eddie's smile widens as he tilts his head, "You did what you always do, Steve. You jumped into the abyss first. For the record, the games are weekly, and they last a few hours. If you wanna stay, you can. I'll even set you up a station out of sight, so you aren't cramping her style, but bring something to do, for god's sake."

"Oh…well, I only see her every two weeks. Does that mean she can't join?"

Eddie holds up an imaginary clipboard, "Ah, wouldn't you look at that. My memory sometimes, sheeeesh. It's every two weeks."

"You can just do that?" Steve says in amazement.

Eddie narrows his eyes at him with a slight frown and laughs, like he can't make out if Steve is teasing or not, "Yeah, I can do what I want. It's my company." He taps the embroidery on his polo shirt.

Steve reads it "Tremelo Tales."

"We do D&D, reading stories to kids, music lessons, parties, stuff like that. Then when we make enough profit, we can do that for free for the kids that need an outlet, you know. Like today"

"You have your own company? That's incredible, Eddie!"

"Like you could ever picture me working for anyone! I mean, it's not easy, and I have to pay through the nose or legal and accounting, but at least I haven't got to do it, and it keeps everything running smoothly. I'm pretty proud of it." And the happy whistful expression on his face only served to complement his words. He really was proud of it. Steve's eyes automatically look to his kids. "What are you up to these days?" Eddie asks.

"Well…er…" Steve stumbles over his words because he is unsure exactly how much he wants to reveal at this point. So he keeps to the partial truth, "I'm a coach. Sometimes private, sometimes I get contracted, you know?"

Steve had actually hit the jackpot playing the stock market and was busy living off the interest. He'd still got some shares locked up in a few companies, but he'd been told to hold tight on Apple because they were a few months from releasing the iPod, and a cell phone might be on the horizon. He did, however, coach, just not humans. He held dog training classes at his house. Everything from puppy to agility to behavioural problems. He loved it, and so did the kids.

A shadow moves over the book, and both Steve and Eddie look up to look at Mackenzie.

"Hey, honey," Steve said carefully to her unimpressed face and folded arms.

She looks between the two of them and hands a few sheets of paper to Eddie, "So I've put the Cleric to Level 1, but I also wanted to offer something else to the party, a rogue."

"Interesting…" Eddie draws the word out and looks up at Mackenzie.

Steve feels a little left out of the unspoken significance here.

"How much for a players handbook?" Pushing the book, he's holding between the character sheets and Eddie's face.

"Um, thirty bucks, or you know, whatever you can. Just take it over to Carl over there. He'll sort you out.” It was interesting, despite the unknown truth of the matter, Eddie hadn't made the assumption that Steve was still living a more than comfortable life. 

Steve approaches a braced bespectacled boy who is repeatedly rolling a die and writing down the numbers. Steve eyes him suspiciously but then hands him the player's handbook, and the kid wordlessly writes out a receipt. Steve pays, takes his copy, and pockets it.

As Steve makes his way back to the kids and Eddie, he slows his pace to observe the exchange rather than interfere immediately.

Mackenzie was standing clutching her book of protection, Eddie holding a set of sheets in each hand, occasionally looking up at Mackenzie and talking. Nothing out of the ordinary there until there is a glimmer of something on Eddie's face. He looks…concerned? But then his big smile is switched back on, and it transfers across Mac's face too.

"You thinking of joining a game sometime?" Eddie laughs as Steve approaches, hugging his new book to his chest, which he immediately drops to his side at Eddie's teasing.

Steve shrugs, "I mean, I just got it because, as books go, it wasn't bad to while away the time with. I mean, if Mac...Kenzie were to run a game. I could be tempted, maybe." He smiles at his daughter.

Eddie raises his eyebrows at Mackenzie, and she sends him a simple shrug back. Another tiny sting of jealousy. They hadn't even known one another a day, and they had secret meanings for things and now silently communicating with one another.

"So these sheets look great. Is there anything else you want to go over?" Eddie asks kindly.

Mackenzie shakes her head.

"Well, alright then. See you in two weeks, Zee!" Eddie says with a little salute.

Mackenzie smiles back at him and walks towards the exit. 

"Thanks a lot, Eddie. It was really good to see you. Maybe see you again in two weeks?" Steve asks with his own little shrug.

Eddie blinks up at him, "Oh I-"

Then there are several thuds, a meep sound from Mackenzie, and another huge thud.

Steve's eyes snapped to his daughter, who was crouched down trying to pick up her books, but another teen in the widest-leg jeans Steve had ever seen. All frayed where they'd been dragging along the floor, a black t-shirt with the sleeves completely hacked off and shoulder-length dirty blonde hair is busy apologising and frantically trying to help Mackenzie pick up her books.

"Aw, man, I'm like, totally sorry, I had my earphones in, and I totally didn't see you. I was in, like, a hurry to get these to Eddie. Are you, like, ok? I didn't hurt you, did I? I'm such a stupid oaf sometimes," the boy rattles out, piling up the papers and books in his arms. A big box of papers was on the floor beside him.

Mackenzie has stopped scrabbling for her books, lets the boy scrabble around for her, and stands up.

Once everything is together, he stands also, raises his head to Mackenzie, nearly drops the books again, and swallows nervously, "Er…here you go…um…your um books, man."

"Maybe you should look where you're going next time. Stop daydreaming and observe your surroundings!! What if I'd been a little kid, huh?" Mackenzie scolds him, one hand on her hip, as she takes her books back. Steve notes she doesn't snatch them.

"Jesus, Harrington. I didn't realise attitude could be hereditary," Eddie chuckles next to Steve.

The kid swiped his hand over his head to push his hair out of his face, and it ended up nervously rubbing the back of his neck as his other hand came forward in a handshake, "I'm really sorry, man. My name's M-"

She raises a hand to stop him, saying, "Ah, don't worry about it. It's..whatever", and walks out.

Steve's eyes go wide.

"Steve?" He hears Eddie's voice next to him, but his eyes slowly burn into the little skatepunk in front of him. Picking up the box of papers and heading to one of the tables.

"Who…is that?" Steve asks with a that so sharp, that if there had been any balloons around, they would have been decimated.

"Er…that's Morgan. He helps out sometimes." Eddie says cautiously before folding his arms and narrowing his eyes at Steve suspiciously, "Steve, are you ok? It was an accident. He didn't mean to do that. I'll have a word with him. He won't do it again. I'm sure" Steve detects the waiver of worry in Eddie's voice and shakes his head.

"It's not what he did that's the problem, Eddie. Listen, I gotta go, but um, great to see you." He mutters, punctuating with a weak two-fingered two-fingered salute, picks up Corey by his arm and quickly marches to catch up with Mackenzie. 

[worldismyne]

For the shipping bingo game: Soul/Maka, Black Star/Maka, Kid/Maka. Heheheh.

Oooo full Maka sweep.

SoMa first

I am very much a fan of Maka having a crush on Soul and Soul trying to matrix his way into staying friends and not hurting her feelings lol.

I saw Stein say they seem to resonate, but don't and took that to heart.

I don't think it would work long term because Soul is very passive/cut off and Maka's insecure about their relationship from day 1. Very teen sweet hearts that break up after they stop sharing classes coded to me.

Still, I think the fandom has used the ship as a jumping off point to make great stuff. But I firmly believed fanon Maka/Soul > canon Maka/Soul.

Next Kid x Maka

On paper and politically, I think this would work. Especially post time skip. There's a reason I had them briefly arranged/engadged in my first fic. I think they could be good together.

I just hardcore ship them with other characters too much to make them endgame. Bonus points for Kid being an eldirch being that only appears human and ages/grows differently while Maka stays human. Love me some immortal watching their human loved ones die angst.

MaStar

Listen, my fic is breeching novel length, so I'm abt to go off.

But I will leave above the cut that this niche part of the fandom deciding his government name is Blake is a huge pet peeve of mine. Like, him choosing to identify as Star Clan with the name he was given and still holding his head high and demanding people recognize him on his terms is like, really important to his character. And 4kids-ing his name kept me away from a lot of the best written fics.

*inhales*

So I initially had this as a fringe one-sided ship in my first fic. I just kinda left them there on the chessboard and didn't think much of it.

Then after editing my old fic years later I wanted to do a sequel and that story beat was the only thing I had left open ended and when I thought abt it...

Maka and Black Star have such serious abandonment issues and workaholic tendancies, I can only see them getting together with someone after years of sniffing them out from afar.

So I did my lil one-shot of what I thought everyone would be up to after 20 years of 'peace' and realized as adults they'd be perfect for each other, since being the best at what they do is one of the most important things to them. Their general life goals lined up.

And I've been obessed with banging out this concept ever since.

Do I think they would have worked during the timeframe SE took place? Hell no. That would have been a flaming friendship ruining disaster.

Like post time skip he seemed a lil protective of her in canon, plus they constantly compare themselves to each other in the manga. But the manga left off with Black Star being a teen parent and Maka stuck spinning her wheels post time skip, still unable to shake this fear of failure. It seemed like a good way to tie off those plot threads (meanwhile Soul and Kid seemed to have pretty finished off arcs by the end). Been really enjoying having these two be equally stubborn about wanting them to work without ever saying it directly, and doing mental gymnastics to avoid acknowledging they're dating.

Both canons have Maka punching a god and fighting it head on, you can't tell me that power obsessed goober wouldn't find that hot.

Side note - I noticed while rereading Soul Eater miester/weapon romantic pairs/trouples were common, but in all iterations I don't recall seeing any meister/meister or weapon/weapon romantic pairs. So that's been an interesting concept to play around with too.

I fully acknowledge that this will always be a rare-pair. Though I value the 10-12 people consistently reading my fic abt them. I see y'all. I thank y'all!

[winter-tospring]

I want to thank my wife for making me see the color pink in a new light; making it a joyous event for me, instead of something I roll my eyes at. Associating it with her is the best thing that could have happened to my relationship to it. It's genuinely happy for me now, because I know it makes her happy. And I feel protective, and in that feeling, grows a defensive stubbornness to have more pink and more softness.

My heart just burstssss 💓with the desire to surround her with all the pretty things. With all the soft, blooming pink adornments i could find, to make her feel light, loved, and more precious than the stars.

I love that she's the softest soul I've ever known. I treasure her unabashed love of cute things, pretty, silly things I wouldn't have opened my heart to before. She's the smartest and most knowledgeable person I know, and her humor matching mine was like endless cherries on top of what I already was incredibly humbled to be a part of with her. There's something so grounding about the light-hearted moments; I really started realizing that in the past months. She makes me laugh all day, and she laughs with me, and even what I do and what I joke about can make her smile to tears. I'm starstruck by it, because she's a wonder to behold in those moments, and because it makes me feel so liked... I go shy in my heart, and smile to myself. One of the greatest joys.

I'm in awe that I get to know all parts of her, equally. Her resolution of spirit, her encyclopedic brain, her balm of a laugh, her lazy touch, her corny jokes, and so much more... To have known and adored her as someone online, then a friend, and to now know and adore her intimately, constantly makes me feel so privileged and wonderstruck.

She makes me look twice at simplicity, and awards my heart with beauty and meaning that I wouldn't have found had she not pointed to it. Trinkets, patterns, details, words, and actions; I think life is fizzing within her, and she cares so much because she can feel it all for how invaluable it is. She lives through the kind of heart I've aimed to carry in myself. I cultivate the thoughts to behave with intention, but she truly feels it all, second after second, and to watch her is to love life a thousandfold.

I try harder because of her, I wait longer because of her, I give my body pause for appreciation of what's around me, of what beauty could be found in it. I watch her watch things, and take notes. I give pause to more, in general, to feel the length of moments and savor them, and I start to understand that relaxing and nothingness have value in them, beyond preservation, or restoration. Sitting there with you is a treasure in itself. I know it, but my instincts take me out of what I know in my core to be true, for fear, that just being here wouldn't be enough. You brush fears gently with your warmth, and keep me embraced for long enough to feel, that I'm right where I should be.

She brightens everything with her gentleness and her uncorrupted stance in herself, which I admire so greatly. Seemingly uninfluenced by trends and outside opinion, she remains so effortlessly herself that her taste is truly hers, and it's so rare, and inspiring. She's like a true free spirit. She knows what she sees in things, and in others, and she's not afraid to compliment and acknowledge, even the smallest things. Victories are a many, every day, when you are around her. It's so light, so unburdened. All a continuation of communication and cooperation, and sadness, and comfort, and good faith, and care, leading us to all the finish lines we ever start.

I want her warmth to be held and celebrated for the gift that it is. I long to spend all my time embellishing her world the way she does mine. My love is hers, always deepening, filling endlessly with memories to look back on. I want more pictures than one can store, and I'm so happy about it. I used to delete without care, and now I want to overflow in folders of us.

I'm more affectionate than I could have ever been; I feel it become part of me, my hand reaching for her like that's what it's meant for. I feel the eyes beyond us becoming irrelevant. It gets easier and lovelier and more necessary each time I see her face again. It makes me so happy, and proud, and I know it's thanks to her.

I realized recently that I finally understand this thing about not knowing where the other person begins and where you end. Fade into you, you know. I understand. It's beyond words, constant when in her presence, unstated, but here, in me, between us. I feel complete, I feel peace, I'm at home with her. Nothing comes close to this.

I love you, infinitely, Dusty. I love choosing you, every single day. It's effortless; it's the thing that makes the most sense in the whole world. I'm so proud of you, and in love with you. 2 years of giggly disbelief that you love me too. I'm so lucky, @dustlines <3

[pashterlengkap]

Kamala Harris centers LGBTQ+ rights in speech to teachers’ union

In a campaign appearance today at the American Federation of Teachers (AFT) convention in Houston, Texas, Vice President Kamala Harris spoke at length about the corrosive effect that book bans and other anti-LGBTQ+ policy and legislation are having on America’s teachers and children. Her speech indicated that she’ll devote attention to those issues in her presidential campaign. “We are in a fight for our most fundamental freedoms,” Harris declared to the thousands of teachers at AFT’s annual gathering. “And to this room of leaders, I say: Bring it on.” Related GOP leaders beg Republicans to stop making racist comments about Kamala Harris Several Republicans have implied thatt she’s just vice president because of her gender and mixed race. Chants of “Bring it on! Bring it on!” erupted across the hall. Your LGBTQ+ guide to Election 2024 Stay ahead of the 2024 Election with our newsletter that covers candidates, issues, and perspectives that matter. Subscribe to our Newsletter today Harris has made the far-right assault on personal freedoms — like the right to choose and marriage equality — central to her vice-presidency, leading the administration of President Joe Biden to call for federal legislation restoring the protections of Roe v Wade nationwide and working with legislators to shepherd the Respect for Marriage Act through Congress. President Biden signed that legislation in 2022. Shortly after the Dobbs decision overturning Roe v Wade, Harris called Justice Clarence Thomas’ concurrence a harbinger of other reversals to come. Thomas said the nation’s highest court should consider overturning the gay marriage law as well as others guaranteeing the rights to consensual same-sex intercourse and access to contraceptives. “I think he just said the quiet part out loud,” Harris said. Harris drew a stark contrast in her speech between Democrats and the MAGA-fueled Republican candidates that voters will choose between in November. “In this moment across our nation, we witness a full-on attack on hard-won, hard-fought freedoms,” she told the teachers’ union members on Thursday.   “While you teach students about democracy and representative government, extremists attack the sacred freedom to vote,” Harris said. “While you try to create welcoming places where our children can learn, extremists attack our freedom to live safe from gun violence. They have the nerve to tell teachers to strap on a gun in the classroom while they refuse to pass common sense gun safety laws! “And while you teach students about our nation’s past, these extremists attack the freedom to learn and acknowledge our nation’s true and full history, including book bans. Book bans, in this year of our Lord 2024!” she added. From deep in the hall, a supporter shouted, “You tell ’em, President Harris,” eliciting a broad smile from the presumptive Democratic nominee. “Just think about it: we want to ban assault weapons, and they want to ban books! Can you imagine?” Harris asked incedulously. “All the while, these extremists also attack the freedom to love who you love openly and with pride. They passed so-called ‘Don’t Say Gay’ laws,” Harris said of Republicans in Florida and other states that turned out copycat versions of Gov. Ron DeSantis’s signature legislation that restricts classroom instruction on LGBTQ+ identities. Harris, who has boasted she’ll hold her record up to former President Trump’s “any day of the week,” then fully embraced her role promoting marriage equality in its earliest days. “Many of you may know, in 2004 on Valentine’s Day weekend, I was one of the first elected officials in the country to perform same-sex marriages,” Harris told the teachers to applause. “It pains me so to think 20 years later that there are young teachers in their 20s who are afraid to put up a photograph of themselves and their partner, for fear they could lose their job,” she said. “And what is their job? The most noble of work, teaching other… http://dlvr.it/TB4xTN

[paganwitchisis]

"The Unexpected Adventure" Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Surprise!  

Word Count: 5,419

Rated: Explicit

RATED 18 PLUS!!!

Warnings: Smut, Smut and fluff, body swap, brief snippet of violence (fight), unknown pregnacy, protective and soft Astarion, blood (drinking)

Chapter two - here!

This is Chapter 3

Chapter four - here

AO3 link is here!

There is smut in this chapter!

Note: I apologize for the delay. My health came up with some complications which delayed this chapter

Tav was joking, but she could tell that Astarion contemplated the idea.

“I would say yes, but you need to eat. A little of my blood isn’t enough, my dear, so you’re going to have to hunt. I’ll help...no worries, because I will be with you.” Astarion added the last part after seeing Tav’s reluctance and fear to hunt cross her face.

“But I can’t be quiet to save my life.”

“I can teach you.” Astarion replied, but Tav merely laughed.

“You’re better off trying to teach Mol not to steal. I hang back on stealth missions for a reason. Until you clear them, I am a liability. I don’t want you hurt.”

Astarion brought his hand up to Tav’s face and kissed her. “You won’t hurt me. I promise. Just give it a try.”

Tav hesitantly nodded and began getting dressed after helping Astarion clean up from their escapades. Tav and Astarion got ready, still kissing and giving occasional touches as they did so. Astarion, in the end, needed help with the clasps of her armor, and so Tav strapped it on while Astarion helped Tav figure out which dagger went where. Both may be proficient with taking armor off, but were woefully unprepared when it came to putting it on.

Eventually, the couple left their room, and headed outside to find that night had already fallen on Baldur’s Gate. Under the suggestion of Astarion, Tav made her way to Rivington and was amazed by the range of vision she had in the dark. Tav never had Darkvision the way Astarion did, and so she was surprised when she left the Elfsong that she was able to navigate to Rivington as if it was the day itself. Astarion, on the other hand, cursed himself. Astarion wasn’t used to the opposite effect that he had and relied on Tav heavily to make his way out of the city. Thankfully, the city had lights on many of the streets but not all streets had that feature. This made things complicated and made Astarion wonder ‘what else would be different’?

The trade-off was fair, Astarion mused, as he now had a beating heart and natural body heat. He no longer starved constantly, and he could enjoy real food for the first time in over two centuries. Of course, when Astarion brought up how remorseful he was that Tav would be suffering, Tav listened to him and acknowledged that although it was a change, she was happy to do it. It wasn’t like she had a choice in who the book targeted, but she was happy it was her, as she would do anything for the man she loved. Just to give him a brief respite, something Tav wished she could do any time, but for the duration of the spell the book had cast, Tav would grin and bear the consequences. She was happy to give him a small measure of happiness.

What Tav wasn’t fully aware about was that she was the source of his happiness, not some spell or a beating heart, although those were nice. The woman who opened her heart for a vampire and treated him like a person, an equal, made all the difference to the man. She dealt with his bad days and celebrated his good days, she listened, she cared, and she loved him unashamed. On the contrary, she was proud of him!

Without realizing it, Tav, holding Astarion’s hand, had crossed the boundary into Rivington and headed towards the woods.

“Darling, since it is your first hunt, it may be best to focus on smaller prey. Bunnies and squirrels, for instance. They’re still slippery creatures, so you’ll have to keep your cool and focus on where they will be, not where they are.”

“This may be my first time as a vampire, Star, but this isn’t my first time hunting.”

“Whatever you say, my love. Keep in mind that in the worst case scenario, I am here.”

“And how would you help? You can’t lift my sword and I have your daggers?” Tav inquired curiously.

“If the dark vision and my dexterity are anything to go with, I should be proficient with your sword and you with my daggers.” Astarion theorized as they trekked deeper and deeper into the forest. Astarion stopped Tav, let go of her hand, and began instructing Tav how best to walk without alerting others. It took some time but Tav eventually got part of it down, and for small prey, Astarion was content to let her do her thing.

“I’ll wait here, but if you find something you cannot fight, run. I mean it, dear, I don’t want you playing hero.” Astarion kissed Tav briefly and watched as best he could as Tav stalked off into the forest.

After about twenty minutes, Astarion was sitting on a log when he heard the crunch of a twig and the rustle of leaves.

“Back already? Find anything good?” Astarion asked out to the darkness and grew a little concerned when his questions were met with silence. One moment passed, then two, before Astarion heard the tell-tale sound of a bear growl.

“I’m guessing you’re not Halsin…”

Meanwhile, Tav had also heard this growl as she had gotten herself lost shortly after leaving her lover. Turning her head, Tav not only was surprised that she could smell and tell the beast was a bear, but that she could also hear the thud of a heartbeat not far from the creature’s space. Tav didn’t have to be told who that was and if they were in danger. She somehow knew. Tav sprinted back, not caring if she made any noise, and was also surprised that she, in a fit of panic, made little to no noise. It was like instinct was taking over.

By the time she got there, she could smell blood, her blood (or in this case, her lover’s). Following the smell, Tav found Astarion holding his shoulder and the grizzly bear, a mammoth of a specimen, cornering him. Astarion’s sword was laying a few yards to the side in what looked like an attempt to defend himself. Tav wasn't sure what took over her but she followed that instinctual spell she was under and leapt on the back of the grizzly bear who was turned away from her.

She wasn’t sure where her next moves came from, but she grabbed the bear’s head, yanked it by the fur to expose its neck and sunk her teeth in deep. The fur tickled her nose, but she was unconcerned by this. Instead, she focused on locking her legs around the bear the best she could and drinking the hot liquid that gushed to the back of her throat. The bear tried to thrash and buck her off, Astarion all but forgotten during this interaction. Tav held tight and kept drinking until the bear fell forward, dead.

Astarion watched in awe as everything occurred. Once Tav finished with the bear, she pulled back and wiped her mouth of the copious amount of blood soaking her clothing and face.

“Damn, you look hot. Want to go back to the tavern and go again?” Astarion was mostly joking, but would be lying if he didn’t feel a need and a want for the woman who just saved his life. She not only saved it, she was covered in the bear’s blood, and this turned Astarion on more than he admitted.

“We should bring him back to the tavern. Maybe Gale can make some kind of stew from him.” Tav replied, choosing not to answer Astarion’s suggestion. Tav took a step towards Astarion and tossed him a healing potion before she couldn’t contain herself and tried to drink from her lover once again. Astarion drank the potion and grabbed his sword off the ground before Tav took his hand and began trying to drag the bear out. Astarion stopped her first.

“You hunted before, right? We’re better off cutting the meat here. It isn’t as messy that way, and a hell of a lot lighter.”

Tav sighed and acknowledged he was right before they got to work.

“I never said I cleaned it, just gave the killing blow.” Tav admitted. About half an hour later, Tav now knew how to skin, clean and cut the bear meat thanks to Astarion who surprisingly knew how. When asked about it, Astarion said he was tasked to hunt occasionally by Cazador. He wasnt allowed the blood but the kitchens would ask for gamy meat. This left Astarion and his siblings with the task of hunting a different kind of mark. Usually these requests were at the behest of a noble or someone Cazador wished to curry favor but this helped teach a few valuable lessons to Astarion he could pass on.  

The next morning, the pair laid in bed sore and sated from a night of debauchery. It started with a bath and cleaning their armor but quickly devolved into something more when Astarion couldn’t keep his hands to himself. Tav and Astarion started out kissing and deeply taking each other until their lips were bruised before the pair ended up not getting rest at all. The room smelled heavily of sex and sweat, their clothes strewn to the floor. Astarion laid there snoring softly while Tav remained awake. Her new four hour trance cycle kept her up so she read and cuddled with her significant other.

That was until a soft knock came at the door.

Tav pulled away and offered Astarion her pillow to compensate for her leaving the bed. Surprisingly, it worked. In the past, Astarion would have woken up right away if he felt her leave, but then again, they both were fairly vigorous the prior night. Tav quickly and as quietly as possible got dressed in the right clothes. She almost attempted to put on her usual clothing before she remembered that she was borrowing Astarion’s body. Tav was able to open the door and slip out into the hallway only to run into Gale.

“Oh, hello, Astarion. I mean Tav.” Gale quickly corrected himself. “Smells like you and Astarion were...um...lively. That explains why you both bailed on us yesterday”

“Yeah, sorry about that. We were...experimenting with a few theories”

“You both have huh? Any solid leads?” Gale joked and smiled at Tav which was an odd sight considering Gale and Astarion (or rather Tav in Astarion’s body) rarely were so friendly.

 “All were a bust. We may have to go back to square one.” Tav chuckled and smiled back.

“Well, good thing for you, I found a reversal. One that will fix the issue tomorrow night, assuming we can get the right items today. You see, the person who has the book, I need may part with it because of our situation, but he isn’t known to be altruistic. He always has a price. Always. I plan to have contingencies in case his demands are…unreasonable. I was wondering if you both wanted to come with? You weren’t able to come with us yesterday, which led us to this lead, so I figured I’d offer you both the chance.” Gale sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck after his explanation while Tav shook her head.

“I’d consider it, except Astarion is still sleeping. I really am sorry we never got back to you yesterday. Everything was just so new, so different.”

“Hey, no need to explain that to me! I’ll follow up with a few of the others, you two have fun experimenting.” Gale smirked and left before Tav could say anything further.

Tav entered the room and got back into bed, accidentally waking Astarion who stretched when she attempted to sneak back into bed. Astarion propped one eye open and gave a rakish smile.

“How is my goddess?”

“Goddess? That’s a new one.” Tav kissed Astarion briefly on his forehead, her lover almost purred from the attention.

“The commonfolk should bow to you.” Astarion chuckled. “When I prayed to every deity, only the mindflayers plucked me from Cazador. Only you, however, saved me from him permanently. You’re a goddamn goddess.” Astarion leaned slightly so he could prop himself up on his arm and kissed Tav briefly.

“I am so grateful to have met you too. I don’t think I’m a goddess, but I feel honored regardless.” Tav said as she kissed him once again, her left hand on Astarion’s cheek and her right arm held herself up. “Oh! I almost forgot, Gale dropped by.”

“What did the wizard want?” Astarion asked, flopping himself back on the bed. Astarion didn’t hide himself as he lightly fondled his breasts. “Damn, are your breasts so sensitive.”

“That’s weird. Maybe my cycle is coming up.” Tav thought over the reasons. “Gale was here because he had a follow-up to their lead. We might be put into our appropriate bodies by tomorrow if we’re lucky.”

At this, Astarion looked equal parts terrified and disheartened. Tav wasnt sure what caused it, but she figured she would ask. It concerned her. She thought he would want to get back to his body, but she could see the appeal of their current arrangement.

“What’s wrong, honey?”

“It’s silly…” Astarion was going to try to turn to the other side of the bed when Tav stopped him. She placed her hand on his arm and got his attention as she sat on the edge of the bed facing him.

“It is not silly. Please talk to me.” Tav asked. Astarion sighed and turned to fully face her.

“First, having a period absolutely scares me. I’d rather help you through one instead of having it myself. I may...usually...be the vampire and think myself pretty strong, but you, my dear, are a beast. I don’t think I could handle your cycle.”

“I wish I could tell you when my cycle was, but since arriving in Baldur’s Gate, my cycle has stopped. Shadowheart says stress can make me irregular. Hopefully, we’ll be switched before it happens,” Tav stripped her shirt off followed by her pants before slipping underneath the bed covers. “And the second issue?”

“I feel absolutely spoiled being in your body, my love, and I was hoping for a little more time. You deserve to have your original body back, though.” Astarion tried to turn his head away from Tav in shame, but Tav wouldn’t let him.

“Oh, Astarion,” Tav cooed “It makes sense that you want to keep a living body. You haven’t had one in such a long time. You don’t have to worry about wanting that. I understand”

Astarion sighed and smiled slightly. Tav continued to speak.

“I’d love to let you hang out in my body for longer, but we have Gortash to worry about. He hasnt acted against us yet, but that doesn’t mean he won’t.”

Astarion nodded as she had a point and smiled genuinely. “I guess we have to make the most use of this time as we can, darling.”

“I agree with you, but we can’t stay holed up in this room forever. Why don’t we take a small stroll? Stretch our legs a bit.”

Astarion laughed “I’ve been stretched pretty good, if last night was any indication. I didn’t realize how thick I was, dear, but I know why you want me so much.” Astarion said with a wink and a goofy smile.

Tav brought her hand up to her forehead and placed her palm against her skin in exasperation. “I can say the same, you know.” Tav picked out some clothing and put it to the side as she filled the bathtub in the room. She wasn’t going to let Astarion run about outside in her body with come dripping down his thighs. She felt sweaty and grimy after last night as well. Thankfully, the room was equipped with a large tub, so the pair could take a bath together. “I know how much you love my breasts and ass.”

“Ah, but you don’t know my favorite part.” Astarion chided, swinging his legs out of bed and standing up to stretch.

“And what would that be?” Tav asked as she stripped her clothing to reveal Astarion’s perfect body. Astarion watched her and smiled.

“Gods, I’m beautiful.” Astarion muttered to himself but Tav heard him clear as day. “To answer your question, it is your thighs. They’re so soft, yet strong. I love biting them and caressing them. They hold my head up when I lay on your lap. That’s not to discount what is between them, of course. I love that, too, but your thighs are supple and oh so delicious.” Astarion walked over to the tub and removed his clothing as well, careful around her breasts as they were unusually tender.

Tav got in after Astarion and sunk into the hot water. The water warmed her skin and Tav found she missed her body more than she realized. Tav moaned as she sunk into the water, Astarion smiled and made his way next to her, kissing her shoulder and neck as he brought the sponge up to wash her aching muscles. Tav closed her eyes and enjoyed the feeling of him delicately washing her newly acquired body, but she couldn’t keep her eyes closed for long. Astarion made sure of that when he spoke.

“You need breakfast, my dear, if we are going anywhere. Bite me.”

Tav opened her eyes to see Astarion turned his head to the side and was presenting his neck to her. Tav could feel herself beginning to get hard at the thought of that sweet and velvety blood beneath the surface, but she had to confirm first.

“You realize what will happen, right? There is a chance I won’t be able to stop, and even if I do, I’ll be...wanting. I can try to figure out how you take care of yourself, I guess.”

“Just shut up and bite me. It will be okay.”

Tav licked her lips and kissed his neck a few times after a brief moment of hesitation. Tav sunk her teeth into the waiting flesh and felt the hot rich blood hit the back of her throat. Tav drank it greedily, but was startled when she felt Astarion begin to jerk her off. He would stroke her mast and twist near the blunted head of her cock. Astarion wasn’t teasing as he stroked her and was already pumping her length at a punishing pace. Tav couldn’t help the whimper that came out of her as she drank and was getting pleasured. Astarion gave a wide smile which looked a little odd on Tav’s body.

“I need to take you. Now!” Tav muttered against his flesh and Astarion dropped his smile into a lustful smirk.

“I was prepared to jerk you off, my love.” Astarion’s hand slowed to a stop as he spoke to Tav.

“I need more. Please let me taste you when you come!” Tav licked the wounds, sealing them, and licked her lips. “I can’t chance taking too much blood. Here.” Tav fished a scroll out of her bag that was next to the tub. Tav got out to grab it and when she handed it to Astarion, he noted the familiarity right away. It was a scroll of lesser restoration.

Astarion shook his head as he read the inscription, the words now memorized to him thanks to their adventure. Immediately, he felt relief and his strength return to him. Tav returned to the tub and sat near her lover. Astarion tossed the used parchment to the side and held Tav’s face dearly as he pressed his lips to hers...hard.

“I’m aching to have you inside me” Astarion huskily said as he gave her a moment to breathe. Astarion spread his legs and hooked one behind Tav’s back. Astarion went back to kissing Tav once again, the water sloshing around the tub as their bodies moved and melted against one another. Astarion cradled Tav’s head and locked his fingers in her (or rather his) silver locks of hair, his other hand hand snaked around Tav’s backside and slide deftly between her cheeks. Tav was startled at first but that changed when Astarion passionately locked his lips on his significant other’s. Astarion slipped his finger against Tav’s rear, circling the tight muscle but never entering her.

Tav pulled away from their dancing tongues and soft lips intertwined to speak “You’re teasing me. Please!”

“Water is a poor substitute for lubricating jelly, what do you say we take this outside the bath?”

“Yes! Please! I need you!” Tav reached down and cupped Astarion’s backside, lifting him up and out of the tub. This made Astarion yelp in surprise as usually he was the one doing such things but with the swapped situation, it took some getting used to. Tav dropped him on the bed as he searched for the jar they kept in the night stand.

“Come here.” Astarion whispered against Tav’s neck. Tav leaned over Astarion and kissed his ears, licking the helix or the shell of the ear. Astarion moaned deeply. Regardless of his race or gender, his ears still were sensitive to her pleasure. Astarion pulled away and put some of the lubrication on his fingers before he returned his Attention on Tav. He kissed her once more with passion. His tongue lid against hers and he savored the motion like he was sipping wine. Astarion reached around while she was distracted and surprised Tav with the cool jelly being pressed to her sphincter. Astarion knew that although his body was used to such actions, she was not, so he gently began working the muscle with one finger. Astarion slipped the finger in, earning a gasp from Tav followed by a moan. Astarion began pumping Tav’s cock in tandem to his finger’s actions inside her, soon Astarion added a second finger.

“S...Stop! I don’t want to come by your hands.”

Astarion immediately pulled away and used a rag on the side of the basin they were in to wipe his fingers of the jelly he had on him. Astarion sat down on the bed and wasn’t surprised when Tav pushed him back and spread his legs.

“We don’t have to if…” Tav began to speak when Astarion kissed her again, cutting her off. Astarion glided his tongue against hers as their kiss was more teeth and tongue than lips. Astarion was accidentally nipped by Tav’s fang and loved the moan Tav gave off from tasting his blood.

“I want this. I want you.” Astarion muttered. “Fuck me so good I can’t walk.”

“Happily.” Tav replied as she got back on the bed and crawled between his knees. Astarion felt her sultry look affect him down to his core. Astarion leaned up to kiss Tav again but felt Tav fondle his breast. Astarion moaned low in his stomach from the sensation and how sensitive his breasts were. Astarion tried once more to kiss Tav when Tav chuckled and began kissing as well as fondling his breasts, Tav dropped a hand lower still and began to circle lazy rotations around his clit. Astarion’s breath hitched as he rocked his hips forward, trying to chase the feeling of pure bliss between his legs. Astarion arched his back as the pleasure rolled through him and drove him on.

“Enough. Fuck me, love. No more foreplay, I need you!”

Tav smirked and moved up slightly so the tip of her cock rested at Astarion’s entrance. Tav moved her hand to her cock and lined herself up as she firmly gripped her undead flesh.

“Spread yourself wider, darling.” Tav jokingly used Astarion’s term of endearment. Astarion barked out a laugh and spread his legs as wide as they could go, this gave Tav a splendid and delicious view of his cunt. Tav was secretly happy she got a chance to see herself as Astarion did. Seeing her designer like labia and vagina made her feel like she had more to offer in terms of sex to Astarion (of course, she would never say that.)

Tav kept herself ready and when Astarion had exhaled and relaxed his body, Tav began to sink into the man inch by delicious inch. Astarion moaned until Tav reached the hilt. When Tav filled and stretched within, Astarion’s moan turned into a whimper.

Tav started at a punishing pace.

After waiting a moment for Astarion to adjust, Tav lifted his left leg and began rolling her hips in an angle. Tav rolled her hips fast and hard and slid her cock against the wet, hot sensitive muscles inside. Astarion panted when he wasn't kissing Tav, the sound of slapping skin and squelching occasionally permeated the room. They had only just started, and already Tav and Astarion were sweating. Astarion brought his hand to Tav’s face as she pounded into him, whimpers, moans and whines escaping his lips as the pressure built up inside of him. Astarion drew Tav closer and pressed Tav’s face even closer to his neck.

“Feed. Gods, please feed! It will feel so good.”

Astarion hooked his legs behind Tav’s hips and turned his head to give her better leverage. Astarion felt her sink her teeth in gently, a stark contrast to the rough sex he was receiving. The feeling was strange. A brief moment of cold stinging pain and then, Astarion guessed it was something to do with the vampirism or a venom of some kind, the pain became pleasurable. He felt his loins burn and the coil inside him tighten. The bite and drinking was so intimate, so close that Astarion felt right doing this with Tav. Only Tav. His Tav.  His fangs would only know one person and he damn well meant it. She was his everything.

Soon, the coil that was so tightly wrapped inside him was in danger of snapping. Astarion began to warn Tav.

“I’m…I’m going…”

Tav didn’t let him finish the sentence as she brought her hand between their legs once more and began to rub his engorged and swollen clit in circles precisely. With a cry and a yell of Tav’s name, Tav felt him clench and contract around her cock, his orgasm ripped through him and Tav tasted a new flavor in the blood as he came. It was a rich spiciness that enhanced the existing silky flavor, Tav couldn’t get enough, and soon, without realizing the want in her lower belly was pulled taut and a few more strokes later, she came inside her own body, spend coating the inner walls and began seeping and escaping out the sides where her phallus met his inner walls. It smeared his thighs and dripped down from his vaginal opening.

Tav licked the wounds closed and pulled away gingerly. Tav fished another scroll out when she finally pulled out and separated herself from her lover. She held it out to the panting man who needed a little help sitting up. Tav extended a hand and Astarion was able to hoist himself up from bed and sit against the headboard.

After getting cleaned up and another bath, the pair got ready for the day. They helped each other get their armor on, their boots and gauntlets aligned as well as their weapons secured.

“You sure you want to go out?” Astarion asked Tav, the post coital bliss still in effect.

“Yeah. We’ve been holed up most of the time we’ve been here. We should go out.”

Tav and Astarion made their way out of their room and down the stairs of the Elfsong Tavern. They made it down the street in an attempt to make their way to the famous Sorcerer’s Sundries when two beings began to tail the couple.

Astarion noticed the pair and whispered to Tav.

“There is an orc and an elf following us.”

“You sure?”

“Positive.”

Tav took Astarion’s hand and led him to an open area in front of the Sundries. As the couple approached the center pedestal where the commoners were, two more people snuck out of the crowd, surrounding them.

“Fuck.” Astarion cursed.

The couple paused their movement and looked around them.

“What do you want?” Astarion called out, hoping to resolve the situation peacefully rather than violently due to their unique situation. If Astarion was back in his body, he’d revel in murder, but while occupying his lover’s? He wouldn’t dare.

“You already have what we want! Come quietly and we won’t be forced to hurt you.”

Tav stepped in front of Astarion, teeth bared and growling, but it was not enough to scare them off. Instead, out of the two new stalkers, a drow and a halfling, the halfling charged forward and attempted to use a trident on Tav. Tav was able to dodge but not without a scratch. She was grazed on the arm by the outside of the trident, Tav trying and failing to hit the halfling with her dagger. The halfling was a woman, clad in dark like the rest while the orc who attempted to come at Astarion from behind was male. Astarion swung his greatsword to keep him at a distance. The female elf and the male drow watched as the two were preoccupied and both of them tried to grab Astarion as Tav was distracted in addition to Astarion from the other two attackers.

“Ignis!” shouted a voice from afar as the two other attackers closed in on Tav and Astarion.

The drow went up in flames, making him run to the fountain in the center of the promenade. Another fireball hit in front of the orc, making him back up and away from Astarion.

Gale, Halsin, and Shadowheart came into view from Sorcerer's Sundries, able and ready for battle. Halsin wild shaped into a bear, Shadowheart healed Tav and Gale used Magic Missile to send the rest of the attackers away. The attackers fled, limping and in pain. One, the one who was burned, dared not move. He remained in the fountain.

Tav went to interrogate the man when Gale interceded.

“Tav, don’t! We know what they want and it isn't for others to hear.” Gale explained, his hand resting on Tav’s wrist to stop her from approaching the man in pain.

“Is there anything you can tell me?” Tav snapped, knowing how weird it was to be attacked in broad daylight and in a busy place.

“It is related to our recent...situation. The wizard I was seeking wants something for our help, but I don’t feel comfortable telling you here of all places. Let’s head back and we can go over everything...in detail.” Gale explained

“My love, it may be best we leave anyways. The Fists are bound to show up soon after all the racket we made.” Astarion said and took Tav’s hand into his as he pulled her slightly back towards the tavern’s direction.

It took about ten minutes for the group to make it to the Elfsong Tavern. Once there, Astarion and Tav made it upstairs and was about to open the companion room door when Halsin gently redirected Tav towards their private room.

“This conversation is private.” Halsin whispered. The group filed into the room while the couple sat down on their bed.

“So what was so important we couldn’t mention it anywhere else?” Tav was a little short. She was in a difficult situation, her stomach was always hungry, she was cold and now her friends were wearing on her patience.

“We went to meet a wizard, as you know, who may have the answers we seek to fix your condition. The problem is, he is not the altruistic sort. His demands were too much and I’ll have to find another way as a backup to fix the pair of you.” Gale explained but Tav noticed his eyes were never settling on hers. His smile never met his eyes and something was going on.

“What aren't you telling me?” Tav demanded, her hand laced in Astarion’s hand.

Gale sighed and drew his hand over his face in frustration. Halsin offered an easy smile and a caring demeanor when he spoke next. Shadowheart remained silent but kept staring at Astarion.

“Tav, the wizard was asking for your child. A half vampire, or rather called, a dhampir. You’re pregnant, Tav.”

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

Wow. This is my new favorite part for soooo many reasons! 🤯

It started last part but the vibe shift is so large with Ben. This is so clearly not the same guy as Part 1. A decade alone with his own thoughts (and torture) softened his edges and, while I don't think he'd admit it, probably made him realize just how awful he was. The breakout scene was great and really felt like they were partners for the first time, both of them contributing to their escape.

One of my favorite things about this part is the tension. The exhaustion of the pair is palpable as they make their way out of Russia and back to the US. Breaking into Sears, being overwhelmed by people and sounds, getting their room in the Plaza, it all feels like they're desperately trying to get to their safe haven. It all does dissipate when they do get to that room and we really see Ben's changes displayed again. He was reassuring on the plane, even in his own typical Ben way, but the way he didn't push for sex was like, boom, this man-child grew up a little and we love to see it. 🥹

Ben and the reader in the shower and being intimate for the first time in a decade was so well done. Yes, there was some dirty/rough smut from Ben but there was this...gentleness to it as well that previously wasn't there. It felt more like lovers, not like fuck buddies. And something I noticed a lot more this part is Ben kissing the reader. Initiating kisses, kissing during sex and more importantly, not during sex.

“You’re all I’ve got.”

Ugh, damn this line hits hard. 😭 For Ben to say that out loud is massive character growth. I didn't say it yet but you could feel how relieved he was that reader didn't truly hate him. Somewhere in those ten years he was able to really acknowledge that he cares about her more deeply than he would have ever been able to say before they were captured. It's so subtle with him too. Protecting her, the hand on the back steadying her, the reassurance. It's all acts of love for him and that, “You’re all I’ve got" is a very quiet way of him furthering those feelings. That guy, the one that's there when the reader gets scared of being found again, that's the one I think Ben was a veeeeery long time ago and is working on re-building.

I understand the reader's fears but I'm with Ben on this one. Murder. Murder them all lol.

“Then we take it all back,” he said. “You and me.”

Ugh, even in your desire for revenge, you're treating reader as an equal and I'm just soooo excited to see what's next!💚

Lost on You - Part 9

Pairing: Soldier Boy/Ben x F. Supe!Reader

Summary: 1983 is a big year for you. You’re finally chosen to join the ranks of Payback, led by the most (in)famous supe in the world: Soldier Boy. He’ll never admit that he’s trying his damndest to figure you out. You’ll never admit that he’s actually growing on you. But the problem with this game is deciding who’s the predator, and who is prey.

AN: The great escape…

Song Inspo: “Running Up That Hill (A Deal With God)” by Kate Bush

Word Count: 7.2K

Tags/Warnings: 18+ only! Blood and violence, death, angst, trauma and PSTD, smut, hurt/comfort and feels.

🎵 YouTube Playlist || Spotify Playlist

🎙️ Series Masterlist

Part 9: Free to Be You and Me

Free me, you compelled Eisenstein’s mind.

He obeyed you with a vacant look in his eyes. He unhooked your straitjacket and opened the door. After you grabbed up his cattle prod, you still didn’t release your psychic hold. You ordered him forward, and for the first time you walked freely out of your cell without restraint.

Take me to Soldier Boy.

Eisenstein walked forward. Any time you came across a guard, you tased them long enough to touch whatever scrap of skin you could, usually their face or their neck. You added them to your collective control.

Now you had literal bodyguards protecting you as you made your way through the compound. You hadn’t used your powers in so long. It felt good, like stretching an aching muscle.

Once you reached Ben’s cell, Eisenstein stopped in front of it. When you peered inside the small window on the door, it looked misty as hell.

Clear the gas, you ordered.

The doctor pressed a key of numbers on a pad beside the door, and the gas receded into the vents.

Open the door.

He did as you commanded, then he stepped aside for you. You ordered the guards to stand watch outside the open door before you hurried inside. Ben was lying on the floor, mostly on his side. He was still very naked, though your face warmed as you tried not to focus on that part.

It made you sad more than anything. They’d been keeping him in here like an animal, worse than you, and after what he did for you…you could no longer find it in yourself to hate him.

You took his face into your hands and tapped his cheek.

“Ben… Ben, wake up,” you prodded.

His brows twitched. He made a sound of waking, and you swept his hair out of his eyes. Before they even opened all the way, his hand shot out and grabbed you by the throat. It choked a gasp out of you as you scrambled to grab his wrist.

“Ben,” you said with difficulty. “It’s me…”

Though if you thought about it, after the last things you’d said to him, maybe he did really want to kill you. Maybe he regretted saving you after all.

As he blinked more awake, this time he actually took in your face. His hand relaxed when he recognized you. You panted in relief to see it dawn in his eyes. His thumb slightly brushed across your jaw, and your name fell from his lips, almost in wonder.

“Yeah, it’s me,” you said with a smile and tears in your eyes. “Come on.”

You helped him up the best you could. His frame was bigger and heavier, and he was still a bit unsteady on his feet. He slung an arm around your shoulders and let you guide him out of the room. He tensed at seeing the guards in their green uniforms and Eisenstein standing there, but you held a hand to his chest. His skin there was hot to the touch. You frowned.

Must be whatever the serum did to him.

Dismay pulsed inside you, but you’d think about that later.

“It’s okay, they’re with me,” you told him with a smile, before you looked at one of the guards.

“Give him your clothes,” you ordered.

The man was compelled to set down his gun, take off his hat and the rest of his uniform, even his underwear, socks, and boots. He gave them all to Ben, who raised a brow.

“I’m good without the briefs,” he said with a grimace, tossing the used underwear to the floor. You flickered at a smile.

“Guess you’re going commando,” you said.

Ben scoffed. He muttered, “Yeah, what else is fucking new.”

A sliver of sadness once again pierced you, but you stayed quiet. He released you so he could get dressed. Biting your lip, you glanced away to give him some privacy.

Another guard turned the corner and noticed you all in the hallway. He raised a pointed finger and shouted something in Russian, then he raised his gun. You ordered your guards to shoot the man, but the damage was done. A red alert was sounding overhead.

“Let’s go,” Ben said. After lacing up his boots, he guided you with a hand on your back.

Eisenstein and three guards formed a pack of protection around you and Ben as you moved through the compound. You slowed to a stop at what looked like a laundry room.

“I need something else to wear,” you said. “Once we get outside, I’m gonna stick out—”

Ben eyed your thin gray gown and socks. He grabbed your arm and led you inside.

“Find something in here,” he said, as if that wasn’t your idea.

Instead of wasting time picking an argument, you just nodded in agreement. You looked around and picked through the large clean bin of clothing. It held several mixed bundles of faded green men’s shirts and pants. Finally, you managed to find a dark red tracksuit. It was a men’s size, so it wasn’t going to fit you, but maybe you’d look a little less ridiculous. Ben tossed you the smallest pair of boots he could find, and they were still huge. They would have to do.

“How do we get out of here?” you asked as you got dressed. You turned around for a semblance of modesty, but it didn’t stop the man from glancing over, checking out your ass, bare legs and back.

“We fight,” he replied. There was a dark note in his voice that you understood, and you agreed with him.

“I know. I mean a little more specifically,” you said. When you were dressed, you turned around and met your companion’s grim look. Together, you two returned to the hall and focused on Eisenstein.

“What’s the best way to get out of here?” you asked him. Your hold on his mind forced him to answer honestly.

“The compound is three stories underground. You must take the elevators up to the top,” he responded, almost like a robot.

“Show us,” you ordered.

The doctor complied. He led the way, and the guards covered your back as you hurried through the maze of hallways. Finally, he led you to the main laboratory. Inside were the rest of the doctor’s team trying to filter out and evacuate, while the rest of the security guards formed a line against you. You saw where the scientists were headed, to a large elevator along the far wall. 

“There!” you pointed, grabbing Ben’s arm.

He held you to him quick when the shots fired your way. He protected you with his body as the bullets bounced harmlessly off his skin, though a few of them tore through his clothes. He turned around but kept you behind him. His hands curled into fists, and he rooted his stance. You weren’t sure what he was doing, but you hid yourself behind his broad back.

Ben charged up the power that had already been building in his chest. It had started from the moment they injected him with that goddamn serum.

Now, he knew what it was. It felt like lava inside his chest—a nuclear force that he unleashed throughout the lab. It destroyed everything in its path, from desks and beakers to walls and support beams, to the men screaming and trying in vain to get away.

When it was over, Ben heaved for breath but remained standing. You peered around him in shock.

“Oh my God…”

There wasn’t much left of the lab, just a ruins, and a meager group of survivors, limping, moaning, struggling. Your face evened out, akin to stone. You had no sympathy for any of them. You endured their studies and were forced to hear their thoughts. You knew that these men weren’t men at all.

You decided to finish the job.

“Cover your ears,” you told Ben. He shot you a questioning look, his brows furrowed. 

“Just trust me,” you said.

Then you opened your mouth, and you sang. Your eyes glowed with power, and the force of your siren song gripped every man still alive in the room. They soon began screaming anew, holding their heads as tears of blood streamed from their eyes. That included your guards, as well as Doctor Eisenstein.

Ben was forced to cover his ears, gritting his teeth. It didn’t affect him as badly, but even he yelled in strain.

You released your hold on the room and stopped singing. By then, all the normal humans were dead.

It was your turn to catch your breath. You’d used up a great deal of energy in a short span of time with your powers, and your body was still weak and undernourished. You took an unsteady step forward and nearly fell.

Ben caught you around your waist. He gathered you up against his chest, and you tried to grab onto his arms and keep your head raised.

His gaze flit over your face. “Can you walk?”

You closed your eyes to try and clear the dizziness and black spots from your vision.

“Uh, yeah. Just give me a minute,” you said.

Ben made a sound of impatience. He hefted you into his arms easily. You gasped and held onto him, and he made his way across the ruined lab.

The elevator doors were fried, but the compartment still worked. Without dropping you, he wedged his hand in between the fused metal doors and ripped them open. Then he stepped inside with you in his arms.

You felt the heat still emanating from his chest. You glanced up at him. There, he met your stare. There was so much you wanted to say, and yet, you had no idea how. You wondered if he felt the same way.

He faced forward again, and you did the same. You two rode the elevator all the way up in silence.

You asked him to set you down on your feet when the elevator finally reached the ground floor. It was merely a lobby area with some thick double doors at the end. You practically ran to it, regardless of your unsteady gait. You just wanted to breathe fresh air and see the outside world.

And it was beautiful. You teared up at seeing the gray sky and the expanse of snow-laden mountains in the distance, even though the air was freezing. A gust of wind shoved at you. You held yourself with a shiver and a gasp as you stared out at the expanse of snow ahead. You weren’t dressed for a cold snap in Siberia. 

Ben wrapped an arm around your shoulders and pulled you back. You doubted he felt the cold much with his invulnerable skin. For once you were jealous.

“Come on, there’s a car over there,” he said, pointing to a small parking lot.

The only scientist who escaped the lab was trying to thrust his key into the door lock of his gray sedan. His hands were shaking badly, but he managed to get the key in. A heavy hand fell on his shoulder.

The scientist slowly looked up, and he saw Ben’s grim reflection in the window.

It was the last thing he saw.

You and Ben bickered over the navigation to the closest airport. You had the map in your hands, not that you could read it very well in Russian, but he claimed his instincts were leading him south. You once again wanted to throttle him.

You eventually figured out the way to the closest international airport, thanks to the small image of a plane on the map. You didn’t have luggage, which made things easier, but you still needed to compel several people into giving you a pair of tickets (in coach, as to not be suspicious—through security and Customs before you could board the next flight to New York. By the time you and Ben actually sat down in your shitty seats on the plane, you were exhausted in every way.

“You can have the window seat,” you offered. “I’m probably just going to sleep the whole way.”

Ben tacitly agreed and slid in first, but he watched you lower down into the middle seat with a tired sigh. You glanced over at him.

“How’re you feeling?” you asked.

“Fine,” he answered, his voice deep and stoic as always. He opened up the bag of snacks he’d snuck onto the plane and started chowing down on some beef jerky. He offered you some, and you took a couple of pieces.

It was hard to tell what he was thinking. You felt a bit of anxiety coming off of him with your abilities, though you supposed that could’ve been from the plane gearing up to take off, finally getting you guys the hell out of here.

Or maybe, like you, flashes of the past decade were still filtering through his mind, making this moment seem unreal.

We actually did it. We made it out.

Even so, you weren’t sure what he saw when he looked at you. The last time you two had truly spoken, you’d said a lot of hurtful things, even though many of them were hard truths he’d needed to hear.

“Yes! It is your fault. Because you’re too much of a mean, callous, arrogant, entitled, selfish, fucking asshole to see that everybody hates you!”

“The only thing I really wanted from you was what you could do for my career.”

You remembered the sound of his voice, not even angry anymore. Just resigned.

“It was all an act, huh?”

“Yeah, it was,” you said. “I fucking hope I never have to see your face again.”

The memory of it made your chest sting. It also filled you with questions you were almost afraid to ask.

Did he resent you? Hate you? Was this Bonnie and Clyde escape plan just for convenience’s sake, or…did he actually care about you, deep down?

As you thought about what happened yesterday in his cell, the way he’d saved you from Eisenstein’s experiment—the serum that created the damn nuclear bomb in his chest—you had to wonder…

If he didn’t care about you, why else had he saved you? 

The question continued to revolve in your mind, like discordant notes on a stanza’s refrain, until your exhaustion claimed you.

Flashes of memory scored through your subconscious. They filled your dreams with echoes of pain and the sound of your own voice giving out.

You woke with a start, heaving for breath as panic rose high in your chest and throat. Your heartbeat was pulsing in your ears, and you felt clammy and wrong.

Ben whispered your name sharply. His grip on your arm broke you out of the haze, but it startled you as well. You blinked fast, as if you could clear the nightmare from continuing behind your eyes. He glanced over his shoulder at one of the flight attendants passing by. Ben soon returned his attention to you though.

“Calm down. You’re going to blow our cover,” he said.

You nodded shakily, but you couldn’t help it. Tears welled up in your eyes and made your lips tremble.

“What if they come after us?” you whispered. You were even trembling in your distress. “What if they find us—”

“That’s not gonna happen,” Ben said sternly. “We Kentucky fried all those Commie cocksuckers.”

“I can’t. I can’t go back,” you said, shaking on every word. Your fear, your panic was rising, making your hand clutch at the front of his shirt.

Ben’s frown deepened. He turned toward you and took your face in his big hands, earning a gasp from you. Your watery eyes met his firm ones.

“You’re not going back,” he said. “That shit’s over, you understand me?”

Tears continued to slip down your cheeks, but you gave a jerky nod. He didn’t seem satisfied.

After a moment of hesitation, he pulled you in for a hard kiss. Your breath hitched…but your eyes fell closed. You didn’t care that his scraggly beard rasped against your chin. All you could do was focus on the familiarity of his lips moving against yours.

He pulled away slowly, with him seeming to try and gauge your reaction. Your eyes slid open and met his. Your fingers tangled further in his shirt, and you tugged yourself closer, your lips nearing his in askance.

He answered you, kissing you again.

Landing in LaGuardia Airport was even more of a shitshow than it used to be. A mess of people and traffic and tourists and resident commuters, it didn’t matter that it was at one in the morning. Cars honking and people jabbering and the clanking of suitcases rolling across the ground as airport staff droned instructions on the overhead speakers; it was all discombobulating for you, after having spent so long alone and in the dark, with minimal interactions or stimulation.

You had a feeling you weren’t the only one a bit overwhelmed. You noticed Ben’s tense expression and tight shoulders. His head turned at every sharp sound…and even sounds that weren’t there.

You stayed close to him as you two found your way outside the airport. You watched out for him silently, while he kept a hand on your lower back. Neither of you seemed to want to lose each other in the throng. He managed to hail a cab, beating out a businessman who was busy talking on some kind of cordless phone.

You and Ben shared a bewildered look on that one.

Once you were in the cab, sitting beside Ben, you let out a breath of relief. It was still cold in April, and your overlarge tracksuit wasn’t cutting it.

“Where to?” the cabbie asked. You glanced at your companion and gave him a raised finger, imploring him to follow your lead. You had an idea.

“Take us to the nearest department store,” you said.

“At this time? All the stores are closed,” the cabbie replied.

“Just do what she fucking said, all right, pal?” Ben said, none too gently. He was already on edge from the long flight and antsy to get somewhere comfortable.

“Okay, man. Jeez,” the cabbie muttered. He drove off, peeling away from the curb and merging into traffic.

You couldn’t fault Ben; you felt the same way. You laid a comforting hand on his thigh. He glanced at you and calmed, somewhat. He raised his arm and draped it over the back of your seat. You tentatively took it as an invitation, so you scooched over a little to rest against his side.

Let out a long breath through his nose, he looked out the window at the passing scenery of the city. The nightlife all flashed by in familiar colors and sounds of cars honking and music playing in the distance. Meanwhile, his fingers brushed along your shoulder absently. As the car’s warmth seeped into your bones, you tried your best to stay awake.

You and Ben broke into Sears via the backdoor alleyway, next to one vile smelling dumpster. There you veered off into separate ways in the department store.

You chose to grab a cart before you went into the women’s section. You started with the bras and panties and pulled things off the display tables and hangers, regardless of their price. Dear God, I’ve missed real underwear. You even grabbed a few silky, lacy things in the lingerie section, with a secret smile over your shoulder.

You grabbed a razor while you were at it, along with some other toiletries, shampoo and conditioner, a generous pile of makeup, and some other hair and body products.

You later perused with a half-critical eye at the rest of the women’s clothing. Apparently, jeans were a lot baggier in the ‘90s, and you were finding too many crop tops and overalls.

What the hell is this decade? you thought, but you managed to find a few outfits you liked that were still versatile enough to mix and match. You didn’t know when you’d be able to do this again.

Within the hour, you met back up with Ben, who was carrying all of his clothing finds piled up in his arms. You smiled in amusement. Typical man.

He dumped it all into your cart—a few pairs of pants and shirts and jackets and shoes, and even a men’s electrical shaving kit.

“Good call, lumberjack,” you said, eyeing his beard. Ben shook his head and ran a palm over the sheer length of it.

“Let’s just get the fuck out of here,” he grumbled.

“Ooh, wait,” you said, pointing at a row of suitcases. “That’ll make this easier.”

He agreed. Soon, you had each picked out your suitcases and packed them with your finds. Then you literally rolled out the way you came.

You paused at the door when you heard a clicking sound, followed by the handle turning. A security guard was just as surprised to catch you and Ben as you were to see him. But before he could even raise his gun, you stepped up and touched his face.

Sleep, and forget.

Within seconds, the man’s eyes rolled up into his head, and he slumped to the floor in a heap.

Ben had the next idea of where to go, after hailing another cab. You went along with it, but you thought he could’ve picked something a little more…inconspicuous.

Your eyes were bright, however, when you stared up at the beautiful building of the Plaza Hotel. You had never stayed here before, but it was also the home of the Oak Room. Ben had taken you there for dinner a handful of times, including on your first date.

“Why here?” you asked, glancing up at Ben. He shot you a knowing smile.

“Was feeling a little sentimental, I guess.”

His hand came to rest on your lower back again, and you ventured with him inside to the hotel lobby. It was pristine, as always, with its polished tile floors and vaulted ceilings. It wasn’t check-in hour, so the place was mostly empty, save for a single front desk clerk on the night shift.

That was in your favor though. You two might’ve raided Sears for new clothes, but you definitely didn’t look like the Plaza’s typical guests. With a quasi-flirtatious hand over the young man’s wrist, you were able to compel the clerk to book you and Ben into an entire suite with a king-sized bed, indefinitely, and all complimentary of the Plaza Hotel.

“Enjoy your stay,” he said robotically as he gave you the room keys. You gave him a smile with the glow of your eyes.

“Thank you. I’m sure we will.”

You were run down. You felt it in what seemed like all of the joints, muscles, and sinew in your body when you and Ben got into your suite. The place was lavish and beautifully decorated in soft yellows, crèmes, and beiges, with dark wood furniture, vases full of pink roses, and fine art on the walls, but all you cared about was dumping your suitcase on the floor and dropping face-first onto the bed.

“Oh my God, a real fucking bed,” you said into the clean, soft cotton. It actually brought tears to your eyes.

You managed to turn yourself onto your back as Ben rolled his suitcase to a stop beside yours. He watched you in bemusement.

“You did good, sweetheart,” he said, briefly grasping your arm as he passed by. It warmed a smile and a blush onto your face.

“What do you feel like eating?” he asked. “I’m gonna order some food.”

You shook your head and gave a dismissive wave of your hand.

“Anything. I’ll eat literally anything.”

He went to the phone on one of the nightstands and dialed Room Service. He ordered enough food to feed three of him (and one of him could be a whole dinner party). Satisfied with the promise of fast service, he hung up and started unpacking his suitcase for a change of clothes.

You sat up with a groan. “You can take the first shower. I need a minute to get situated.”

More like, gather your strength. Using your powers so much across the course of your journey back to the States had taken it out of you, beyond what you’d expected. You needed at least a few of days of solid R&R. Make it a year.

Ben eyed you as he began to unbutton his shirt.

“Or, you can join me,” he said.

You turned to face him more fully at that. Your mouth parted to reply, but you hesitated. His offer took you by surprise, even though it probably shouldn’t have.

He saw your uncertainty. What surprised you even more was that he didn’t press it. He just nodded slightly, and went into the bathroom to finish undressing. Within a few minutes, you heard the showerhead turn on.

What do you want here? you asked yourself.

It should’ve been a simple question. Somehow, it wasn’t.

But you made a decision. This time, you weren’t thinking three steps ahead. You weren’t thinking about consequences, or what people would expect of you. You just thought about what you wanted, here and now.

Slowly, you got up from the bed. You took a breath to steady yourself, and you went into the bathroom. The mirror was already fogged up with steam. Behind the shower curtain, you could hear Ben scrubbing and humming some tune to himself, making you smile.

You shed the ratty old jumpsuit from your body with slightly shaking hands. From anticipation or nerves, you didn’t know which. After stepping out of the heap of fabric, you called his name softly. You knew he heard it, because the humming stopped.

Ben pulled back the shower curtain to find you standing there, gazing up at him while biting the inside of your lip. His eyes drew down your form, over each and every bare curve. You wondered if he remembered it all with the same clarity as you did, the way his body used to fit against yours.

He reached out his hand, and you took it, letting him guide you into the shower. He slid his free hand around the back of your neck and drew you into a passionate kiss, hotter than the spray from the showerhead beating down on you both. His arm came down around your waist and he turned you around to press you against the wall.

You gasped at the cold impact of the tile, but you welcomed the heat of him. You met his each and every demanding kiss in kind, sinking your fingers through his wet, longer hair and dragging your nails against his scalp. Meanwhile, his hands were everywhere, sliding possessively up your sides, up smooth skin to squeeze your breasts, rolling your hard and sensitive nipples under his thumbs.

You arched into him with a pleased moan. It had been so damn long since you were touched. Perhaps it was a poetic form of irony that he was the last man to have ever fucked you.

Ten long years. You’d be lying if you said you hadn’t thought about his hands, his mouth, the memories and the feeling of his cock inside you, stretching you, filling you. The thought had you slipping a hand down between his body and yours, roaming down his chest and abs, just to caress the full risen length of him in your palm.

He groaned into your mouth, instinctively pressing himself into your hand and caging you harder against the wall. His lips veered away to kiss and suck his way down your neck. You panted for breath against him.

“Ben, please,” you pleaded. Your hand pumped him faster, twisting along his shaft and goading him to full mast.

He panted with a nod, nosing along your throat. “All right, baby doll. I gotcha.”

He made his way down your body to lap at your breasts, taking a nipple between his teeth and teasing you there with the scruff of his beard. You moaned, had to release your hold on him when he took your hand and pinned it by your head on the warm tile. His other hand skimmed down your wet body to cup your mound.

You whimpered, instinctively pressing yourself into his hand. You felt his familiar smirk between your breasts, just before his thumb drew down between the slick folds of your pussy. It swept back up to brush your clit, and you jolted against his hand, releasing another moan. You were so damn sensitive already.

Ben seemed to enjoy it. He took his time working you up, strumming along and inside your slit with his fingers, making you clench on nothing in anticipation. Just when you opened your mouth to snap at him to fucking touch you already, he obliged you, slipping two long fingers deep into your channel.

You gasped and shuddered at the invasion, but it was a welcome one. He built up a rhythm, rocking his fingers inside of you while his thumb pressed and circled at your clit. It didn’t take long before your inner walls were clenching around his fingers as you shuddered your release. Your warmth coated his hand down to the knuckles.

Ben kissed you deeply, cutting off your moaning of his name. From there, he grabbed your thigh and helped you hike your foot up on the soap dish on the wall, so he could make room for himself between your legs.

He used the remnants of your slick to coat himself, before he sheathed his cock deep inside you with one push. Both of you groaned at the feeling, a sweet relief and a tight fucking fit. It was like your body remembered the shape of him.

“You still take my cock just right. Fit me like a fucking glove,” he said, sliding out of you with ease. He eased back in with a snap of his hips, inching you up higher on the wall. You clung to his arms tighter, with your nails biting fruitlessly into his flesh.

“God, yes,” you uttered.

But just when he started picking up a rougher, delicious set of thrusts, Ben faltered as his body locked up on him with the force of his orgasm. He came quickly, too quickly, for him. His brows furrowed as he caught his breath. You picked up on his surprise, and then his frustration—at himself.

“Fuck!” he growled, fisting a hand against the wall.

You were a little stunned yourself, but quickly you had to try not to laugh. Biting your lip, you reached up to stroke his cheek.

“It’s okay,” you panted. “It’s okay, baby. It’s just been a long time.”

After a few seconds of continued seething, Ben met your gaze. Seeing that you weren’t judging him, he reluctantly settled down.

“Still think I’m an asshole?” he asked.

The question caught you off guard, but you softened into a smile.

“That remains to be seen,” you replied.

He almost huffed. He slid a wet strand of hair behind your ear.

“You still afraid of me then?” he said.

Your amusement faded. You tilted your head at him, raising your brows. He was still inside you, and he asked this question?

But if he was asking you that, then he really did want to know. You grasped his chin and made sure he looked you in the eyes.

“Are you going to hurt me?” you asked, in a tone that quietly demanded. “Am I safe with you?” 

His eyes held a weight you hadn’t seen before.

“You’re safe with me,” he said.

You felt his sincerity. It rang true in his words, and you saw it for yourself. You believed him.

So you nodded. You let your hand fall to his chest. “Okay.”

He nodded as well. Finally, he untangled himself from you and turned off the showerhead, the water now run cold. He stepped out of the shower first, but he turned to give you a hand. You accepted his help as you came out and grabbed a couple of towels for both of you. After you had yours wrapped around your body, you reached for his arm to earn his attention.

He had been honest with you. You felt it was time for you to give him the same.

“Ben,” you said, with a sigh. “Back then, I lied to you.”

He snorted. “Which time?”

You gave a wry look, but you were serious. You shifted closer to him. You both stood there, dripping wet, with mere inches in between while Ben looked down at you, and you up at him.  

“This. You and me…it wasn’t all an act,” you said, as tears began to well up in your eyes. “I just didn’t want to admit it, even to myself.”

Ben hummed in contemplation. He raised a hand to draw a line down your cheek with his thumb.

“Hmm. Well. Maybe you weren’t the only one,” he said eventually.

Your lips tugged at a smile. He leaned down and met you with another kiss, and this time it was a slow, simmering heat.

Ben took his time in the bathroom afterward to shave his face with the clippers and razor he bought. When he padded back into the dining area, by now fully clothed in a shirt and some sweatpants, he found you already eating without him. You were tearing into some chicken parmesan ravenously while watching a show on TV. 

“What’s on?” he asked, sitting down across from you at the two-seater table. He grabbed one of the plates with his steak and potatoes and began tearing into his own meal. He intended to hit the chicken wings next, or maybe the burger sliders and fries.

“Seinfeld?” You sounded unsure. “It just started. Supposed to be a comedy, I think.”

You and Ben watched the episode until the credits rolled, but he shook his head, licking his fingers after finishing his fifth chicken wing. You were drawn to the sight—grossed out, and yet, a little turned on.

“Nothing happened in that whole goddamn episode,” he said.

You were inclined to agree. So what if they couldn't get a damn table at a Chinese restaurant?

“Okay,” you checked the pamphlet TV Guide. “Let’s try…Friends. It’s on next.”

“The One with the East German Laundry Detergent,” was the name of the episode, according to the TV Guide. You actually enjoyed yourself throughout the whole thing. Even Ben laughed at some of Chandler’s lines. You hadn’t heard that rich, boisterous laugh of his in so long, it made you laugh just by proximity.

By the end of the episode, he was finally done picking at the leftover food. You had finished a long time ago, but you liked seeing him sitting more relaxed in his chair, less on edge.

“Now that one was funny,” you said, when the end theme started to play. Ben balled up his napkin and tossed it on the table.

“At least Rachel’s hot, but don’t tell me she gets with that dopey-eyed pussy.”

“Aw, you mean Ross? I think he’s cute.”

Ben shot you a glance, his brows knitting together. You couldn’t help smiling as you sipped at your glass of wine. He got the feeling you were teasing him. (And you were.)

“Come here,” he said, hooking his foot around a leg of your chair. You yelped as he dragged you close enough to take you by the arm and tip you over, into his lap. You allowed it with a laugh and wrapped your arms around his neck. His hand slid up your thigh in your little pajama shorts, while you caressed his cheek and explored the new beard he was sporting. It was nice and trim, along with the smoother sweep of his hair.

“I like this, by the way,” you said. Your nails scratched through his beard playfully. You kissed his cheek. “Very handsome.”

Ah, there it is, the reappearance of that smug smile of his. You decided to take it down a peg.

“I didn’t mind the lumberjack though,” you teased. “I knew no one would recognize us with that shag carpet on your face.”

Ben’s face fell into annoyance. He stood, picking you up along with him. After he brought you over to the bed, he fairly dropped you down onto it, making sure to smack your ass for good measure. You squealed with laughter.

“You wanna fucking sass me? Fine,” he said, raising a brow. “I’ll just have to punish you.” 

“Nooo, don’t do that. I’ll probably like it,” you said, with both amusement and desire glinting in your eyes while you slid your arms around his broad shoulders. You slipped your legs around his waist as well, guiding his hips down against your already pulsing core. 

Ben broke slightly, his amusement peeking through.  

“I don’t remember you having such a smart mouth,” he said. You trailed your fingers across his cheek. 

“I think you’ll learn to like it,” you said, shortly before you lured him into a kiss.  

He fucked you well into the early morning, where you two finally got some sleep. Around mid-afternoon, you woke and ate and showered and continued to relearn each other’s bodies. You spent the entire day and night in that hotel room, recuperating and healing in your own ways. 

Late that night, you rested in the crook of his arm while he smoked a blunt. You’d compelled one of the bell men to find some reefer. You knew it would help Ben sleep better, and it served to calm you down when anxiety threatened to choke you again. 

It was never as bad as it was on the plane ride over, but sometimes it hit you at odd moments. 

Are they coming after us? Does Vought already know we’re here? Will they try to ship us back?

You knew you had been careful, but anything was possible. 

You extended an expectant hand. Ben took one more puff before he handed the blunt over. You puffed a couple of times and passed it back with a cough. 

“I still don’t really like this shit,” you said in distaste. 

Ben chuckled. “You still don’t know how to smoke it, either.”

You sighed in amusement, stroking a hand over his thigh absently. You two hadn’t bothered getting dressed in hours. Cheers played on the TV—something you both could agree on.

“I need to check in with my family,” you said after a while. You missed your brother especially. God, your nephew had to be close to fifteen years old by now. The thought made your eyes water, but with a deep breath, you managed to taper it down.

You turned to the man beside you. “Do you…do you have family anywhere?”

Ben let out another long puff of smoke. 

“Anyone who mattered is long dead,” he said. He looked down at you, meeting your gaze. “You’re all I’ve got.”

You smiled a little sadly, but you grasped his hand and threaded your fingers through his. 

“But I’ve got a score to settle,” he said. The hardening tone of his voice concerned you.

“With who?” you asked. 

Ben reached over to the nightstand and put out his blunt on an ashtray. He shook his head. 

“Everyone,” he said lowly, “in that goddamn Tower.”

You frowned. You released his hand so you could turn over and face him. 

“Ben, I know how you feel, but think about this for a second.”

“It’s all I’ve been thinking about since we got out of motherfucking Siberia,” he said tersely. “Those cocksuckers are gonna pay for what they did.”

You took a steadying breath. “Okay, taking on the team is one thing. But Arthur, Stan Edgar, all of Vought? It’s dangerous.”

“And? Don’t try to tell me what I can’t fucking do,” he barked. 

You glared at him, sitting up and taking the blankets with you to cover yourself.  

“Don’t you fucking snap at me!” Your voice cracked just as firmly as his. “I’m trying to tell you to be careful. Because if not, we could wind up exactly where we were before, or worse. And I told you, I can’t…I can’t go back.”

You began to break down at the end there. Your lips trembled as your anxiety bubbled over, making tears spring to your eyes. They stung hot and escaped the corners of your eyes. 

“Ben, I can’t—” you hiccupped. 

His brows were furrowed, his jaw clenched, but now, it was less so in anger. He took your face into his hands like he had on the plane, so you’d focus on him. 

“Hey, hey,” he said, earning your attention. “That’s never gonna happen. I’mnot gonna let it happen. But I am going to put all those spineless bastards into the fucking ground where they belong.”

He wiped at your tears with his thumbs. After a brief pause, he leaned over and pressed a kiss to your lips. Then another, a reassuring kiss on your forehead.

He pulled back to earn your gaze.

“Then we take it all back,” he said. “You and me.”

It took you a moment to come back to yourself. You were still apprehensive about this plan, but you knew you didn't want him to do it alone. Nor did you want to end up alone, without him. You sniffed and nodded. 

You and me.    

 AN: 😮‍💨 Did you get hit in the feels? If yes, get ready for more of that. But after their long journey back to the U.S., their relationship is shifting now, hopefully in a more positive way (despite the tough road Ben is setting them on).

Also, there might just be a BMD easter egg in there somewhere. Did you catch it? 😉

Next Time:

More heart-to-hearts, more of "the Plan," and we get a bit more into Ben's side of things...

What time is it? It was hard to remember to keep track of that now, even with the digital clock on the nightstand. It was only midnight, but to his body, it felt like morning.

You were dead asleep. Occasionally you let out soft hums, and other semi-arousing sounds. His lips tugged upward. Still moans in her sleep.

He drew down the comforter and sheets slowly from your back. He was greeted by smooth skin, except where some marks had been made permanent. His fingers traced carefully over a rough, scarred patch of skin above your hip, as if you had been tased there repeatedly.

His jaw clenched. He could still remember the sounds he used to hear—your screams through the walls of the compound. He remembered when you eventually stopped begging for it all to stop.

Don't want to wait until next week?

Part 10 is out on Patreon now!

Join Patreon 🌟 || Series Masterlist

Soldier Boy Masterlist || Main Masterlist

Soldier Boy Tag List:

If you would like to follow along as I post each chapter, please follow my side blog @zepskieswrites with notifications on so you don’t miss out. 💚

@spnwoman @samanddeaninatrenchcoat @adoringanakin @rizlowwritessortof @chernayawidow

@midnightmadwoman @deans-spinster-witch @chriszgirl92 @lyarr24 @ladysparkles78

@deansbbyx @sarahgracej @this-is-me19 @kazsrm67 @jacklesbrainworms

@foxyjwls007 @iamsapphine @roseblue373 @lacilou @fics-pics-andotherthings-i-like

@waynes-multiverse @my-stories-vault @syrma-sensei @alwaystiredandconfused @globetrotter28

@mrsjenniferwinchester @charmed-asylum @waywardxwords @k-slla @deanbrainrotwritings

@jackles010378 @deans-daydream @deanwinchestersgirl87 @rachiem4-blog @just-levyy

@leigh70 @kmc1989 @ghostslillady @siampie @jessjad

@beautyvaliant @mimaria420 @kaleldobrev @pieandmonsters @twinkleinadiamondsky

@stoneyggirl2 @sl33pylilbunny @spnfamily-j2 @mostlymarvelgirl @artemys-ackles

[leelee120000]

My Voice: Disability Pride Month and What it Means to me

July 9, 2022

It’s July, which marks the beginning of Disability Pride and History Month. This month disabled people around America celebrate themselves and our rich history.

My personal journey with my disabilities began when I was born prematurely. I have learning disabilities, chronic illness, a speech impediment, and motor skill issues. In early childhood I went through intense physical therapy to help correct my walking, teach me better motor control, and help me learn more skills for independence. I also had speech therapy and additional tutoring until middle school and high school, respectively. 

As a kid I felt abandoned by the adults in my school and alienated by my peers. I had to teach myself to hide this part myself, I got better at masking. Obsessed with social interactions and cues to allow myself to be less identifiable as disabled.

I, of course, didn’t censor myself entirely and still was me. However by sixth grade I was convincing enough that no one outside of my elementary classmates and my teachers knew I was disabled unless I told them! I (stupidly) forced myself to not use all of my legally given accommodations. I over-achieved, wanting to prove that I wasn’t less. I was hyper protective around any conversations around my medical history.

The pressure I gave myself to succeed reached its boiling point in senior year. I stuck it out and graduated, however I was burnt-out. Within two weeks I continued my college education I had started in high school through CTC. Carrying that burnt-out stress and trying to ignore it.

The pandemics isolating nature forced me to directly confront the pressure I was forcing myself through. Finally cracking nearly two decades of repression. I said “screw it” and began publicly acknowledging my disabilities. In the darkest time of my life I was unwittingly granting myself freedom. I’ve always considered myself authentic and someone who couldn’t care less about the opinions of others, but the pandemic showed me just how intensely I had been masking.

I am much more comfortable now and I hope to help people like myself to learn that it’s okay to be proud of this. Use your accommodations without fear, you were given them to help level the field. There’s no shame in being disabled! There’s no shame in being neurodivergent! There’s no shame in seeking equality for yourself!

LeAnne McPherson

[rocorambles]

Know Your Place

Pairing: Naoya x Reader

Genre/Warnings: Yandere, NSFW, Misogyny, Abuse, Rape/Non-Con, Humiliation, Degradation, Feet Stepping

Summary: You should have known better than to believe that Toji could protect you from the Zenin forever. Once a Zenin woman, always a Zenin woman and Naoya intends to make sure you fully understand that.

Growing up as a female in the Zenin clan means you’re always expected to serve, to look beautiful. Never speak unless requested to. Never look any of the men in the eyes. Obey. Be submissive and demure.

There are thousands of rules and dozens of leering eyes ready to punish you for a single minor infraction. So as much as you hate the life you’ve been born into, you know better than to act out and bring attention to yourself, knowing full well especially now as an adult woman that the price of transgressions are too high to pay.

You’d be incredibly fortunate for the usual heavy backhands Naobito and Ogi Zenin would grace your face with when you were still a minor, for the cruel condescending words Naoya would sneer at you. Those were child’s play compared to what’s in store for you now and you shudder when you remember the images of fellow female servants who had attempted to escape only to be easily captured, clothes stripped and body laid bare for the entire clan to see. You remember the fear that would make you tremble as the men howled in laughter and jeers as they took turns smacking their victim’s ass, pawing and groping her body. You remember sobbing when you were forced to watch as fists, cocks, objects that you thought were far too large were shoved between flailing legs.

But nothing keeps you in line more than the cold dread you’d feel heavy in your chest when you’d be forced to clean out the room of one of your ex-maids, preparing the room for the next poor soul born into a never ending life of servitude. As much as you hate this life, it’s still better than being tied up and forced to be nothing more than a Zenin sex doll, used by every man in the clan until there’s nothing left but an empty husk of skin.

So you keep your head down, ignoring the cruel words and predatory gazes that follow you. You enjoy the few moments you have in the servant quarters alone with your fellow maids, giggling and whispering to each other, pretending that you’re just normal women. Those friendships you form warm your heart and you take solace in the sympathetic glances and warm brief squeezes of hands when a Zenin man is particularly harsh in their treatment of you.

Maybe that’s why you can’t keep your body still when the woman who shares the same room as you accidentally spills hot tea all over Zenin Toji. And despite how terrified you are of Toji’s hulking figure and blood-stained reputation, you throw your body in between him and your friend, creating a feeble physical shield for her from his wrath.

A part of you is together enough to vaguely acknowledge how strange it is that Toji hasn’t roared a single word yet, hasn’t laid a hand on you. But you’re not foolish enough to think this is over and you throw yourself to the floor in a degrading groveling bow, begging him to forgive your friend, to have mercy on the both of you.

You know exactly who Zenin Toji is and you prepare yourself for the feeling of his infamous sword slicing through your neck. What you aren’t prepared for is the way he lets out a boisterous laugh, green eyes glimmering in amusement when he sees the bewildered look on your face as you tentatively peek up at him.

“You’ve got guts. Tell you what. I’ll forgive you and your clumsy friend if you become my personal maid. Deal?”

It’s a rhetorical question and you stiffly nod your head, tears forming in your eyes as you imagine the rest of your life chained to Toji’s bed, stuck in the lair of a beast.

Except your life isn’t anything like you had imagined and you’re stunned when Toji barks at you to go retire to your own room and get some rest so you’re ready to keep up with tomorrow.

Life is...surprisingly normal. Well as normal as it can be in the household of one of the top Jujutsu sorcerer clans in the world. You scowl at Toji as he teasingly throws a pile of sweat stained clothes and towels on top of your head as he walks out of the bath.

“You’re getting a little stronger, little lady. I almost even felt the punch you threw at me in training today.”

You roll your eyes, but you can’t help the slight quirk of your lips and swell of pride at his backhanded compliment.

Toji isn’t anything like the rest of his clan and it goes deeper than just his lack of cursed energy or his supernatural strength. He’s kind. Okay, maybe that’s a stretch, but you genuinely believe he has a good heart. Not once has he ever spoken maliciously to you. Not once has he ever laid a hand even borderline inappropriate or suggestive on you. And sure, you don’t necessarily enjoy doing his dirty laundry, cleaning his room, and making his bed every day and night, but he makes it easy to forget that you’re just a lowly maid.

He talks to you as if you’re his equal, carefully listening to you, acknowledging your points (even if he mocks you when you do say something silly or that he disagrees with). He invites you to eat meals with him. He trains you deeming you too wimpy to last long without at least some basic defense skills. Your time with Toji is one of the few moments of happiness you know and you greedily indulge.

But unknown to you, your new proximity to the black wolf of the Zenin clan has more than one eye looking at you in interest and above all, Zenin Naoya can’t stop fixating on you.

Naoya has always had a strange mix of respect, disdain, and jealousy towards the older man and he can’t help himself from wanting what Toji has, especially when the both of you look so irritatingly happy chattering away with each other as if you have no cares in the world. How dare a lowly Zenin servant look so carefree. How dare curse-less Toji make a mockery of the rest of the clan by living a shame-free life despite how hard they try to humiliate him for it.

Has Naoya ever been happy? Ever been relaxed?

He can’t remember ever laughing as hard as Toji is now in response to something you’ve said or done. He can’t remember smiling so freely like you are as you playfully slap Toji and try to get him to stop teasing you. A green eyed monster slithers inside of him and before he realizes what he’s doing, he’s making his way towards the both of you.

“Aren’t you two as unseemly as usual. I know you don’t care for our clan’s reputation or rules, but really? Parading your slut around so shamelessly? That’s a new low even for you.”

It’s adorable how you scurry away, cowering behind Toji’s broad figure, fear written all over your face. And although Naoya had done this to get under Toji’s skin, he can’t help but wish the older man would storm off and leave you behind in his clutches. He wonders if you’d be this scared and docile underneath him, wonders how tight you’d be while you tremble in fear while he sinks inside of you…

His thoughts are abruptly interrupted as Toji snorts, slinging a muscular arm over your shoulder and dragging you off with him, subtly tucking you safely into his side and away from Naoya’s hungry gaze.

Usually being ignored and dismissed would rile him up more, but as he watches the two of you amble away and sees your innocent and confused face, unsure what had just happened and what’s causing Toji’s strangely touchy behavior, his appetite is whetted and you’re what he’s craving.

What he hadn’t accounted for is how protective Toji is of you. So strange for a man who doesn’t seem to care about anyone except himself. But Naoya supposes that’s just a testament for how good you must be in bed. He can’t think of any other reason why Toji would waste his time and efforts on an insignificant woman like you.

You’re never left alone long enough for him to corner. Just when he sees you by yourself and swoops in to shove you in a spare room, Toji suddenly looms beside you, green eyes sternly pinning Naoya down with a warning. And as much as Naoya would love to rise to the challenge, he knows that he doesn’t stand a chance against Toji, so he slinks away in defeat, again and again.

It only makes him want you more and he grits his teeth as he slams into one of the whores in his bed who vaguely reminded him of you if he squints in just the right way.

He supposes he should be more remorseful as the news of Toji’s death spreads like wildfire through the Zenin household. But all he can see is a light at the end of the tunnel. It takes every last bit of restraint in him not to immediately hunt you down and devour you, but he bides his time. After all the teasing and taunting you’ve put him through just one taste isn’t going to satisfy him anymore.

No, he won’t just ruin you and throw you away after a single night. He plans on dragging this out, using you, tasting you until it fully sinks in that this is all you’re good for, that he owns every part of you inside and out.

His cock twitches at your swollen face covered in salty tear streaks. You look so pathetic, so scared when he takes his time strolling into your room, kicking your roommate out and locking the door behind him. It’s just the two of you and he feels the rush of power thrumming through his veins at how you tremble and cower before him. If only you were naked and not in those dreary mourning clothes…

But he has ample time for that and he wants to enjoy corrupting you, take his time watching your downfall.

“You’re my maid starting now.”

You mutely nod, but make no move and Naoya scoffs.

“I know Toji was soft with you, but let me set expectations straight. I’m nothing like him. Now get moving.”

“But this is my room-”

You yelp in fright as Naoya’s hand grips the front of your shirt and hauls your body until you’re forced to press against his body, feeling his breath against your face as he sneers at you.

“Sluts don’t get the luxury of their own room or bed. Toji spoiled you. Now move your stuff to my quarters. The only place you’ll be sleeping from now on is my floor or my bed. Understood?”

It’s a rhetorical question and all you can do is crumple to the ground when he lets go, staring unseeingly at Naoya’s retreating back as he exits your room, the weight of your new reality crashing down on you.

Sleeping on the floor is humiliating and uncomfortable. Naoya makes it a point to “accidentally” step on you when he gets on and off the bed, rudely nudging you awake with his feet, resting his soles on your face until you’re flailing around to breathe. But it isn’t as bad as wondering when the worst is to come.

At least you’re clothed. At least your innocence is still intact. So as much as you feel like nothing more than a dog, you take it. After all, your new life isn’t so different from your life before Toji aside from your new sleeping arrangements and the headache of being in close proximity to Zenin Naoya.

It’s entertaining enough in the beginning, watching you curl up on the floor like an obedient puppy, admiring how you never talk or lash out when he literally walks all over you. He even buys you a pretty new collar with his name engraved on it linked to a leash he holds in his hand or leaves tied to his bed.

But unlike a real pet you never warm up to him, always looking at him warily, body tense and nervous in his presence. Not once do you look at him with even the slightest hint of affection or fondness you used to stare at Toji with. He supposes that can’t be helped and he doesn’t care for anything disgusting like your love. But you don’t even seem remotely attracted to him as a man and that’s something his ego won’t allow for.

He knows women can’t stand his attitude. But he also knows that at their base, all women are sluts easily swayed by his good looks. He can’t even count the number of women who’ve insulted him to his face only to end up in his bed, moaning and screaming his name and their love for his cock.

You were supposed to be no different. But your continued disinterest in him infuriates him to the point where petty humiliation isn’t enough to sate his hurt pride.

“Strip and get in bed.”

You’re frozen stiff and he sneers at you while you’re on the verge of terrified tears.

“What? I’m not good enough for you? Don’t act like you aren’t used to this. I’m sure your old master had you warming his bed all the time-”

“Toji would never!”

Even he’s stunned by the weight of his backhand hit as it makes contact with your face, by the venom in his voice as he spits out his next words.

“Don’t you ever say that name in my presence again.”

He takes a few seconds to calm his breath, the crimson of the blood trickling from your nose grounding him as he finds his center once more. But then a thought crosses his mind as that red river finds its way to your lips.

“As punishment, let’s make sure you know what your mouth’s purpose is from now on. Words are wasted on a dumb whore like you anyway. Kneel and open wide.”

It’s oddly arousing watching your tears and blood stream down your face as you choke on his cock. Your efforts are half-hearted at best, but he doesn’t mind. Not when the instinctual way your throat flutters around him as he roughly thrusts his hips into your tight mouth suffices. He can see why Toji kept you around and he groans as his hand slips behind your head and pushes you until your face is squished against his abdomen.

Your mouth feels amazing and your muffled screams for air only add to the vibrations around his shaft. It’s enough to have him spilling down your throat and he keeps you tightly pressed against him, forcing you to drink every last drop he gifts you with. And only when your throat finally stops its forced swallowing does he release you, leering down at your pitiful form heaving for breath.

The bitter taste of his seed is all you can taste, all you can focus on as you greedily inhale much needed oxygen. You pray that he’s done, but you whimper when a strong hand easily pulls you up and begins to pull off your clothing. Instinctively you try to push the invasive appendages away from you, but you freeze at Naoya’s growled threat.

“Don’t make me hurt you any more than I have to.”

You know it’s not an empty threat. You’ve seen the quite literally broken bodies of women who had resisted too much against the Zenin men, against Naoya specifically. So you limply drop your arms to your side and stay still as he humiliatingly gropes and examines you like merchandise.

All you can do is clench your eyes shut as Naoya’s hands grab your breasts, kneading and weighing them in his hands, cruelly prodding and pinching your nipples to see your reactions. All you can do is bite back a muffled yelp when he forces you onto your knees and forearms on the bed, squeezing and smacking your ass, spreading apart your cheeks to closely look at your fluttering holes. All you can do is cry into the sheets as he fingers you open, breaching both untouched openings, his thick digits stretching your tight walls apart and taking their time to thoroughly defile you, using your own slick to loosen your ass.

You try to disassociate, try to imagine that this is just a medical examination. But your fantasies are shattered when something hard and thick slaps against your inner thigh as Naoya rearranges himself behind you, rubbing the head of his cock back and forth against your dripping entrance, coating his shaft with your juices.

“Naoya! Sir, please. I’ve never...You can’t-”

Your pleas are cut short as his hand painfully strikes your ass.

“Shut the fuck up. You’re ruining the mood with your sniveling voice. Remember what I taught you? Sluts don’t get to speak freely. They only get to moan and thank their masters.”

You don’t even know if you can speak even if you wanted to, not when his cock is forced into you in one go, the thick and lengthy shaft ruthlessly tearing you apart. It fills you, stuffing you full, and you don’t think there’s even room left in your body for words. The only thing you can release is a strangled scream, eyes and mouth blown wide open, fingers clawing at the sheets as you try to remotely ground yourself as the foreign sensation overwhelms you.

But Naoya has never been a patient man and there’s a certain sense of entertainment from watching you struggle and writhe underneath him. He begins a relentless pace before you can adjust to the feeling of him inside of you, hips slamming in and out of you, heavy balls bouncing against you.

You’re so tight, so hot, so wet and he can feel a rush of power from the confusion he begins to see setting on your face as forced pleasure begins to mix in with your fear and pain. Moans and high-pitched keens are finding their way in between distressed cries and he smirks at the way your eyes begin to roll back in your head, the way your hips begin to meet him halfway, greedily pushing back against him when he teasingly slows down his pace.

He laughs at the humiliation and embarrassment running rampant on your face when you whine as he abruptly stops

“Wow you really are a slut. You fucking love my cock, don’t you?”

He rolls his eyes as you adamantly shake your head in denial, bored by your playing hard to get act. But as he admires the way your pussy lips obscenely envelop his cock, your pretty puckered hole beckons to him.

“You’re fucking filthy, clamping down on me like a bitch in heat from just a thumb in your ass. You like that? Like having all your holes filled? Maybe when I break you in, I’ll share you with the rest of the clan. Bet you’d love that. Love having cocks in every hole, using every inch of you.”

Your orgasm takes the both of you by surprise in its speed and intensity and Naoya howls in laughter as he resumes fucking you, chasing his own high with his thumb still lodged in your ass, groaning in pleasure at how he can feel the tremors of your orgasm, the way your body convulses in the aftershocks of pleasure and onset of overstimulation.

You’re breathtaking like this, fucked silly, delirious, just a warm body and toy for him to do with as he pleases and it doesn’t take long for him to join you over the edge and add to the sticky mess already inside of you.

With a lewd pop he retracts his thumb from your now lewdly fluttering hole, shoving it into your mouth for you to clean and he smiles at how mindlessly obedient you are as you suck and lick the digit clean like it's your favorite lollipop.

You grimace when he finally pulls out, already feeling his cum beginning to leak out of you and you try and find the strength in your trembling and used body to push yourself off the bed. It’s time to retreat with your tail between your legs and you want nothing more than to spend the rest of the evening in the shower, harshly scrubbing every evidence of your utter defeat and conquest under boiling hot water.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

You open your mouth to speak, only to quickly clamp it back shut, remembering how your words only seemed to dig you deeper and deeper into trouble.

“You’re going to wash me and yourself and once we’re clean, you’re going to remain naked and in my bed until I’m ready to use you again. Think of it as a promotion. No more worrying your stupid little head about cleaning and laundry anymore. You’re being upgraded to my personal sex slave and bed warmer. Come on, I don’t have all day.”

You wonder if this is what it feels like to walk the plank, to approach your own death sentence as you robotically trail after Naoya’s figure towards his lavish bathroom. And as you lay in his bed that night, pristine and bare like a glorified sex doll, his broad arm possessively slung around your waist and forcing your bodies to mold together, you bid farewell to your past life, dreading what the future has in store for you.

[mellowyandere]

One Hell of a Logical Ruse Part 2

Reader: F

Characters: Toshinori Yagi (All Might)

Summary: Toshinori's anxiety over your absence quickly gave way to anger as he tired of your attitude. His own version of a punishment was in order.

Length: 6.7k

Warnings: non-con spanking, yandere themes, bathing, non-con, vaginal fingering, vaginal sex, size kink.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Based off the pre-established fic You’re Ours to Protect. 

Toshinori and Hizashi were pacing the kitchen, phones in hand as they tried to get Shouta to respond. You had been missing for upwards of six hours now and the pros were on the verge of losing it. Their sleepy counterpart had stated he wouldn't need the two blonds help, but try as they might they couldn't help the anxiety clawing away at their minds.

"Fuck Toshi what if she got hurt? I know she's capable 'n all but the woods! There's god knows what out there!" The smaller blond was vibrating he was so wound up, the mental image of bugs crawling all over you and coyotes tearing you to pieces sending him into a panic.

All Might's anxieties were a bit more practical, imagining you finding your way to the road and trying to hitch hike away from them. What if a villain found you and hurt you? Nowhere was safer than home with them.

"Shouta is fully capable of finding her, any minute now and he'll give me a call..." The words were meant to bring Hizashi comfort, but he was struggling to convince himself as well. His phone was clutched in his large hand, its silence on the verge of killing him.

When it finally rang he almost threw it across the room as he fumbled it. Slamming the answer button he brought the phone to his ear.

"Where is she, is she hurt, is she alright?"

"Calm down she's fine. Dirty and upset, but otherwise relatively unharmed."

Hizashi bounded over, ears perked so he could listen in on the conversation. His perfectly aligned teeth worried his bottom lip at his husbands word choice of relatively. So he was a bit rough on recovery.

"I'll send you our coordinates, she managed to get pretty far into the endless forest. Good thing that contact of yours set up this quirk or else she would have reached the main road hours ago."

Toshinori heard your disgruntled yelling in the background at Shouta's newest revelation before the line went dead. His phone pinged and he made a mental note of where the two of you were. Taking a deep breath he puffed up his chest, taking on his more muscular appearance before running out the front door.

-----

An endless forest. Go figures. From what you could tell the further you wandered into the woods the deeper they actually became. You weren't exactly sure how they got in and out the house around the quirk, but the path you took was clearly not it.

You were currently sitting on the ground, back to Shouta as you simmered. Now that he was no longer plastered on top of you your anger was rekindled. You could feel his eyes burning holes into you, but you were far too pissed off to acknowledge him. It was a good thing he seemed to know when to leave you be, not bothering with conversation after fucking you into the forest floor.

The only thing he'd done since violating you was get his capture weapon, dragging you along so he didn't lose sight of you again.

Your head was still pounding from when you had hit the ground earlier. Combining that with how filthy you were and Shouta's cooling cum on your inner thighs, and you feel like absolute shit.

The sound of a loud thud behind you caused you to flinch. You didn't have it in you to turn around and face the number one hero right now, not sure if you would be able to handle whatever expression was on his face.

"Oh goodness, Shouta she's a mess what did you do?"

The dark haired man simply huffed in response, eyes rolling at the number ones concern.

"Just get us home, she needs a bath."

You hated when they talked about you like you weren't there, as if you were just some pet or child instead of your own autonomous person.

All Mights heavy footsteps approached you, stopping just shy of touching you. When you made no move to acknowledge his presence he sighed deeply, tutting at your behavior, before scooping you up bridal style. You closed your eyes to avoid looking at him, turning away from his broad chest.

"Shouta you can just grip around my neck from behind, it will only take a couple minutes to get back."

Tears pricked the corners of your eyes at his words. He had covered what took you six hours in mere minutes.

As soon as Eraserhead had confirmed himself secure All Might took off. Wind rushed passed you as he soared high above the canopy. You peeked your eyes open, trying desperately to see where the forest ended, but much to your dismay the nearest city looked to be hundreds of miles away, and any possible roads were obscured by trees.

"Take a good look Y/N," Toshinori murmured to you, voice rumbling against your ear. He didn't need to say more, you understood him loud and clear. Escape won't be possible, even if you get out you can't outrun me, and even if you hide it's only a matter of time before we find you. Your tears of frustration fell more freely now. Way to rub salt in the wound.

When you landed a minute or so later Shouta wasted no time in dropping off the giant while Toshinori quickly brought you inside. Hizashi greeted you at the front door, a strange mixture of relief, anger and disappointment swirling in his emerald eyes.

"Oh no baby look at yah. I got the water runnin' in the master bath in your room Toshi come on lets get her clean." Toshinori followed Hizashi upstairs, refusing to put you down. You all trailed through his bedroom, simplistic design leaving the space void of personality, until you ended up in his bathroom. The room was large, to accommodate the size of its owner, with white marble tiles on the floor, accompanied by white walls and white appliances, giving the room a sterile feeling.

"Hizashi, Shouta, I'll take care of her for now." You had expected a bit of protest from Hizashi but he merely walked out with a sad nod.

"Take it easy on her okay, it's partially my fault she got out..." Shouta mumbled, following his husband out of the bathroom. The door closed with a soft click and for the first time since coming into this house you found yourself alone with All Might. He was normally so busy you barely ever saw him, but now here he was, gently lowering you to the floor.

He stepped away from you, running his hand under the large free standing tubs faucet to test the water temperature. Hizashi had left everything he'd need to clean you up, towel and spare clothes included.

"Go ahead and strip." His voice was colder than normal, an edge to it that filled you with unease. Turning to finally look at him you sucked in your breath. His eyes were fixated on you, searing you with a look that was equal parts disappointment and wounded. He was still in his muscular form, kneeling impatiently beside the bath.

Heat rushed to your face as you slowly began to peel off your filthy clothes, until you were standing in front of him in your bra and underwear. He quirked an eyebrow at you as his frowned deepened.

"All of it." Anger and fear mixed dangerously in your mind as you glared at him.

"I can clean myself."

"I don't recall asking if you could. Strip, now."

When you made no move to comply he threw his head back in exasperation, heaving a large sigh before standing to his full height.

"I have had enough of your behavior young lady. I understand your frustration with us, but we're doing this for your own good. Would you really rather waste away in prison?"

"I'd rather you assholes just kill me already or something, this whole playing pet thing is really starting to piss me off!" His face dropped, teeth grinding against one another as his mind processed what you said. You had no idea how villains got the nerve to fight him, right now it was taking everything inside you to not back down and apologize.

"Kill you? Are you serious right now!" He stomped up to you, frame looming over you threateningly as his eyes blazed with fury.

Swallowing hard you steeled your nerves, you had nothing left to lose so might as well give him a piece of your mind.

"I was perfectly fine before you fuckers brought me here! I don't need you! The fact that you had to prevent me from using my quirk is proof enough that I don't need you! Sure I might not have had much, but it was mine! My life to own and do whatever the hell I wanted with, not yours to take!"

"The moment you decided killing people was the only way to solve your problems was the moment you lost the rights to your life. As heroes in this world, and enforcers of justice, you are sentenced to our care. Now stop arguing with me and strip."

Puffing out your chest you narrowed your tear stained eyes and fixed him with the nastiest look you could muster. "Fuck. You."

In that moment you saw something inside him snap. Mouth pulled tight in a terrifying scowl, he had you maneuvered faster than you could comprehend. One moment you had been standing in front of him, the next you were strewn over his lap, facing the floor.

You yelled out in anger, clawing at his calves through his cargo pants. You knew what would be coming next, but your brain didn't want to slow down to think about how humiliating it was about to be.

"If you want to act like a child then you'll be punished like one. Count. One for every hour you were gone. Be grateful it's not more."

"Let go of me you fucking assho- aH!"

His large hand made contact with your clothed ass, the slap muffled by the sound of running water.

"Count."

You bit down on your bottom lip hard, tears leaving trails as they washed the dirt down your face. You waited with bated breath, the stinging on your ass for now was bearable enough.

"Y/N, you will count on this next one or I will double your punishment. I'm done playing games with you."

You tensed on the expanse of his massive thighs. You didn't want to count, didn't want to give in, but deep down you knew you'd never win.

His hand came down again with another resounding smack right on top of the first hit. You let out a sob from the impact, choking out a soft "one" as your self preservation instincts kicked your ego to the curb.

"Good, only five more to go."

Your head hung in shame as you waited for your punishment to end, jolting and squeaking out numbers every time he made contact with your burning flesh. To his credit he applied the same level of force with each hit, but every time he made contact the intensity of your burn increased until finally you cried out a broken "six".

You felt so pathetic, strewn across All Mights lap. You used to be so independent, never did you imagine this would be your fate. What happened to your self confidence? The fire inside of you that pushed you to rid the world of villains felt smoldered. Doused by the degrading nature of your stay with the three pro heroes.

It made you want to curl up in a ball and cry until your head pounded from exhaustion. Today was simply getting to be too much for you to mentally handle. From your failed escape attempt, your pathetic attempt at self defense against Shouta, learning running was a pointless waste of your time, to now getting a spanking like a fucking child from All Might himself. The list of losses just kept adding up, and none of them were in your favor.

You were openly sobbing, and the fact that you were crying was pissing you off even more, making for a horrible cycle where you simply cried harder. Toshinori gently moved you around in his hold until he had you clutched to his chest, gently shushing you as you clung to him. Despite how wrong it was you found comfort in Toshinori as he rubbed soft circles into your back, grasping small handfuls of his t-shirt as you stained the white fabric with tears and dirt.

"Everything is going to be okay, I know you've had a bad day and being locked up isn't easy for you. Just give it some time Y/N and you'll see that things here aren't so bad with us. We're here for you, and we're never going to tire of you, even with that stubborn attitude of yours."

Toshinori waited patiently for your sobbing to turn into soft hiccups before peeling you off of him. He removed what little clothes you had left and then lowered you into the tub. The drain was unplugged since you were still filthy, and sitting you in a full tub of water would murky up the clean bath.

Grabbing a large cup Toshinori filled it and poured water over your naked body. You watched with unfocused and puffy eyes as the proof of your failed escape attempt swirled down the drain. Only when the water finally ran clear did Toshinori put the plug in. The lulling warmth progressively crept higher up your body, your head bobbing as you grew sleepy. Toshinori turned the water off once the water had reached your chest, leaving it a good bit from the lip of the tub.

You heard the rustling of clothes but paid the source no mind. You didn't so much as react when the now naked hero stepped into the bath, shimmying down until you were surrounded by him. The water level rose drastically with the addition of the 560 pound man. His thick thighs were splayed on either side of you, solid abdominal muscles pressed into your back.

You heard the pop of a bottle before two large hands gently began to lather your skin in body wash.

"I'm not sure how you like your hair cleaned princess. Whenever women find out I use two in one shampoo they give me a look like I kicked a puppy so I'll just leave that to you for another time." He chuckled softly as he spoke, massaging the tightness out of your shoulders before moving down to your arms.

He spoke so casually, as if all his anger from earlier evaporated with the ending of your punishment. You found yourself grateful that he moved on so quickly instead of lingering on your emotional degradation.

You felt his cock stir a bit as he came back to your chest, cupping them and working the soap onto your skin with more attention than he'd shown your shoulders. You stiffened a bit, but since he made no further move to grind himself against you, you remained in his hold.

"I'm sorry for being rough with you, I'd much rather do something relaxing like this than bring you pain." He pulled you until your head was laying on the expanse of his chest, the deep pounding of his heart mingling with the ringing in your ears. It was almost relaxing, minus the growing erection pressed against your lower back.

Reluctantly his hands left your breast, moving further down your body. He rubbed the soft expanse of your stomach, humming happily at your lack of resistance to him. Only when his hands drifted further did you begin to stir a bit.

"Now young lady I need to make sure all of you is cleaned up okay? You're behaving yourself so well I'd really hate to ruin the moment."

"No, no. Please. Just this one thing.."

His hands paused. He hated how broken you sounded right now. Pulling back he raised his arms outside the tub and rested them along the edges. You relaxed a bit as he retreated.

"Alright Y/N, do you need any soap?"

Sighing softly in relief, you were glad that he was willing to give you this. It almost made you feel human again.

"Nah, it's not healthy to use soap down there."

Toshinori merely hummed in acknowledgement, sliding further into the bath and pushing you along with him as he got comfortable.

You cleaned your core gently, it was still a bit sore from what Shouta had done earlier to you. Only once you deemed yourself spotless did you get soap to lather on the parts of you Toshinori had not gotten to. Speaking of, his breathing had gotten a lot deeper. You peaked back at him noticing his head uncomfortably resting against the tub as he drifted into unconsciousness.

Peering down his naked body you couldn't help but gasp softly as you took note of the large injury covering part of his abdomen. You turned towards him, sending ripples through the water as you cautiously brought your hand to the deep scar. You knew that All Might had been injured enough to force him into a smaller form, but seeing the injury first hand was something else entirely. Who on earth had been able to hurt this titan of a man?

You hadn't realized Toshinori had woken up until his large hand gently covered your own. Meeting his soft gaze you were taken aback by his sad smile.

"The man who did this to me, some say it would be best if I just killed him already. But that's not what heroes do, that's not what Nana would do."

Taking hold of your body Toshinori moved you until he had you straddling the smallest part of his waist. Since you were both completely naked you kept your eyes trained on his injury, heat rushing to your cheeks at the intimacy of the position. His hands rose from the water, gently cupping your face and drawing your gaze to his own.

"When I look at you sometimes I can see her. Your strong will, your intelligence, how beautiful you are... but you're not the same person. Not in a bad way, no you are unique. Your own individual, and someone who I've come to love, even if you don't feel the same way."

His blue orbs were hypnotizing, almost as if he believed if he tried hard enough your own glassy orbs would mirror his loving gaze, or perhaps he'd see it hidden in the depths of your irises.

This moment was far too intimate and personal for your comfort, it was so different than anything any of the men had done before. In a way you almost preferred when they failed to acknowledge you as an equal, it made it easier to hate them. But right now, sitting in the warm bath atop Toshinori, you could feel your resolve slipping.

You didn't want to bring attention to his confession so you decided to try and divert the subject.

"Who's Nana?" You had never heard of her before, not even in tabloids referring to All Might. Toshinori's hands froze on your face, eyes scrunching up as he contemplated on how he wanted to answer.

"Nana... Nana was my mentor. Though calling her that doesn't feel right, she was more like a mother to me. She's the reason I am who I am. Without her I'd be nothing."

Past tense, he was using a lot of past tense. It didn't take a genius to interpret why. His forlorn expression filled in the gaps, so you didn't bother to ask what had become of her. He saw you in the same light he saw this woman?

"Y/N, will you sleep with me tonight?"

Taking note of your hesitation he continued speaking before you could voice any protests.

"Coming home and realizing you were gone.. I was so worried, so afraid I'd never see you again. That you'd be taken away from me, and I don't know if I can handle losing you. I've lost so many people that I cared deeply about, I refuse to lose you too."

How in the ever loving fuck were you supposed to refuse him now. Even though you were still mad at him from his earlier form of punishment you couldn't find it in you to hurt him right now.

"Yeah that's fine, but just tonight. You probably put off a ridiculous amount of heat or snore or something..."

Toshinori flashed you his signature smile before bellowing out a laugh. The water rippled and your body jostled along with his hearty chuckle.

"Me? Snore? No, it'll be the coughing that might get to you haha-ack"

Pain flashed across his face before you felt his body rapidly shrink beneath you with a large puff of smoke. He scrambled upright, causing you to fall against him as he hacked out a lung. You awkwardly placed your hand on his back and rubbed small circles as one of his arms gripped you tightly for balance.

"So-sorry I think I was in my muscular form for too long."

He looked a bit sheepish, using the back of his forearm to wipe off some blood that had dribbled down his chin. You merely sat there, doing your best to look anywhere but him as he collected himself.

"The water's getting cold, come on let's get out princess."

You stood up first, awkwardly stepping over his legs and out of the tub. You were a bit embarrassed that he kept his eyes trained on you the whole time while his hands hovered to ensure your safety. A pile of large fluffy towels were set to the side of the tub on a stool. Grabbing the one on top you began the process of drying off.

You heard the sloshing of water as Toshinori stood up, followed by the sound of the plug being pulled and water draining. Looking over it amazed you that even in his smaller form he was was still intimidating. Wiry muscles clung tight to his frame, the angles of his face casting shadows across his eyes. Stepping out he grabbed a towel and proceeded to dry himself off as well.

"Hizashi left you some clothes it would seem... though they look a bit uncomfortable. You can borrow a spare shirt of mine, I also have a spare toothbrush on the top right hand draw of the counter if you want to hide out in my room tonight."

You very much wanted to avoid Hizashi, not sure if you could handle whatever he'd have in store for you right now. Out of three men here, he made you the most nervous. Even now, as you held the scandalous lingerie up to the light you knew he was still going to want his share of punishment.

"I'll take your shirt offer, as well as the hiding out offer. I don't think I can handle him tonight."

Toshinori hummed in acknowledgement before heading to his bedroom and shuffling about before reappearing with one of his large white t-shirts. He had on boxers now, which he must have bought specifically for his smaller form because they hugged all of him rather snugly. Tossing the shirt your way he meandered about the bathroom, preparing for sleep.

You both finished around the same time, leaving you to awkwardly shuffle towards his gigantic bed. He followed behind you, large hand on the small of your back to encourage you onwards.

You wanted him to sleep on the other side of the bed but weren't sure exactly how to voice your desire, especially when he followed so closely behind you. Pulling back the sheets you slid under the cool covers, and yet again Toshinori somehow found a way to leave you with no space.

After turning off the bedside lamp his long limbs quickly ensnared you, pulling you close and tucking you into his embrace. He was warm, but not unpleasantly hot.

Just for tonight. You'd give him this just for tonight. You were also beyond exhausted, your limbs heavy as you sunk into his ridiculously comfortable mattress. Your mind, which had been drifting off ever since the bath, finally dipped into unconsciousness. Your soft breathing filled the air as Toshinori watched you finally succumb to slumber. Smiling softly he lovingly stroked your cheek, planting a kiss to your forehead before giving in himself.

-----

Waking with a jolt you were thrown off by limbs harshly clutching your body. It took you a moment to remember that you weren't in your own bedroom, meaning Toshinori was currently holding you like his life depended on it.

The room was pitch black so you had no idea what time it was, but figured it was still way to early to be awake. His grip on your body was borderline painful causing you to groan out in sleepy annoyance.

"Toshinori, damnit, wake up. You're squeezing me too tight," you grumbled, wiggling a bit to try and jostle him awake. He was murmuring in his sleep, deep voice grumbling against you with the way he had you pressed against his chest.

"D-don't go... no no. I am here... please."

His body was trembling, caught in a nightmare that you couldn't see.

You raised your voice a bit, trying harder to wake him up but he still wouldn't release his grip on you. Only when you accidentally elbowed him did he finally react to you.

With a harsh gasp he threw himself on top of you, pushing you into the mattress. His blue eyes were a wild blaze, messy blond hair framing his angular face. His long bangs were plastered to his forehead from sweat, lungs heaving to swallow air.

"Y/N?"

He looked so lost, eyes clouded with tears as his brain finally registered he was no longer trapped in his own personal hell. Groaning out in discomfort he lowered his body on top of you, burying his face in the crook of your neck. He wrapped his arms around you, trying to ground himself.

"Ah, I'm- I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up... fuck." Moving down he rested his head against your chest, as if he needed to hear your heart beating beneath him in order to assure himself you were really here.

All you could find it in yourself to do was sigh in exhaustion, body going limp as you relaxed beneath him. It was a good thing he was in his smaller form, since he wasn't attempting to keep any of his weight off of you. You closed your eyes, not quite ready to ask him what his nightmare had been about.

He sniffled softly into your chest, arms unwinding from your waist to gently rub against your exposed flesh. His shirt had drifted up your body, leaving your stomach and lower half exposed.

"May I, may I touch you please?"

"You already are..."

"Oh, uh- yeah it would seem I am. Could I touch you, um down here?" His hand trailed down, knuckles softly brushing against your bare thighs.

You cracked your eyes open to look down at him, his own glowing orbs pleading up to you.

"Toshinori can we just go back to sleep? Please?"

Biting his bottom lip his hand continued to drift closer to your naked core, eyes averting from your own as he thought about what he was going to do next.

"I know I'm not around as much as Hizashi and Shouta but gosh I just- I need to feel you right now. The way they talk about you, how perfect you feel, I need you."

"I-I'd rather we just sleep, Hizashi is still mad at me an-"

Toshinori slid up your body, silencing your protests with a kiss. His hand slid up all the way, using his own thigh as leverage to keep you from closing yours.

His tongue delved into your mouth, fingers finally meeting your outer folds. You struggled beneath him, breaking the kiss.

"Toshinori please, I just want to sleep." In reality you were scared. You had seen his length before, and you'd be a liar if you said it didn't intimidate you. That coupled with the fact that tonight had been going semi-well with the pro, him finally having his share of you would cement your fate in this house even further. His fingers had paused, body still as he took you in below him.

"You don't have to do a thing then princess, I'll take care of everything. Just lay back and relax I promise I'll make you feel good."

"To-Toshinori please, I just want to sleep," you looked deep into his eyes as you pleaded with him, hoping somehow you could find the part of him that knew this was wrong. He gave you a sad smile, his eyes still a bit glassy from his nightmare.

"Just think of this as the last of your punishment then. I still don't think you realize just how terrified I was when I came home to an empty house."

You shook your head, sniffling a bit as tears formed. You tried to push him off but he merely took one large hand and easily secured both of your wrists above your head. His other hand resumed ever so gently teasing you, working on getting you aroused.

"Just lay back and relax alright, then we can go back to sleep. I just-I just need to feel you right now. Need to make sure you're really here."

You worked your bottom lip with you teeth, eyes closed so you no longer had to look at him. His thumb trailed up to press light circles against your clit while his middle finger began to delve a bit deeper, teasing your sore hole. Your body had gone slack, tired of the fact that this was just another situation in which your powerlessness was painfully on display. You didn't have it in you mentally to put up a fight.

Toshinori moved his slim hips until his clothed cock was pressed against your right thigh, rutting against you while he worked you open. He gave a gentle peck to your forehead before trailing kisses down your face to your mouth. He captured your lips with his own, freeing your bottom lip from your teeth and moaning into your unwilling mouth.

You didn't work with him, not giving him the satisfaction of your consent, but he wasn't deterred. He simply moved down, back arching as he made his way to your chest. His erection left your thigh as he finally settled on his stomach between your legs, allowing him to comfortably take your right nipple into his hot mouth.

He nipped at the sensitive bud, long finger pushing into you at the same time while he continued to work your clit. His movements were slow as he savored every moment, sleepy mind basking in the warmth of your body.

You tried to drift back to sleep, thinking that perhaps in the emptiness of unconsciousness you could avoid your punishment, but Toshinori was surprisingly very skilled when it came to manipulating your body. You shuddered beneath him when he gave a particularly hard suck to your breast, his lean digit rubbing against the spongy spot on your inner walls that had you clamping down on him in return.

His pace was torture, just on the cusp of bringing you satisfaction, but he seemed plenty content with dragging this out. You wiggled below him in annoyance, attempting to grind down against his hand in anger and desperation. If he was going to force himself on you then the least he could do was not torment you about it.

With a soft sigh Toshinori released your nipple from his mouth, a small trail of spit connected to his lips. Opening your eyes you glared down at him, while his eyelids were hooded in an amorous gaze.

"Tell me what you need me to do for you princess."

"Let me sleep."

Toshinori gave a sleepy chuckle before peppering your chest with lazy kisses.

"You're more than welcome to try."

Resting his head against your chest he continued to pump his finger excruciatingly slow, easily pushing all the way in to his knuckle, thanks to how wet you had become, before dragging out with a languid come hither motion against your sensitive walls.

You could feel your heart accelerate as he lazily stroked pleasure into your slack body. The way in which you velvety walls clamped down on him far too telling of his skill. It would be so much easier to hate him if he wasn't so damn good at this. In some sick and twisted way though, his loving movements quelled the rage inside you.

Did you want this? Tears slipped down your face as you realized that some fucked up part of you just might. Toshinori hummed softly into your flesh while he lazily worked you closer to your climax, the endorphins flooding your brain working to wash away your inner turmoil. His thumb rubbed gentle circles on your clit while he nipped and sucked on whatever flesh he could reach.

Once he realized you were close to finishing he simply added another finger, stretching and wiggling the two digits to help open you up. You moaned softly at the intrusion, hips bucking as you gave in to him. It didn't take him much longer to finally push you over the edge, but he didn't stop like you had hoped. Adding a third digit you inhaled sharply at the burning sensation, stretched walls still spasming from your orgasm.

"I'll make sure you're ready, don't worry about a thing. Just a little bit more, you're tight but I'll fit."

"It- you won't fit, please you know you won't."

As if to prove you wrong he pushed a bit harder then you were prepared for, burying three of his fingers knuckle deep and forcing a pained whine from your throat. He began to move, getting on his knees and arching his body over your own while continuing to stroke your now sensitive and stinging cunt.

"As I said earlier, just think of this as the ending to your punishment."

"But Hizashi hasn't-" Toshinori cut you off with a pointed look.

"That's not my fault now is it?" You cringed away from him, his cold tone from earlier in the night caused your chest to tighten in fear.

He sighed lowly at your frightened expression, before giving you a small smile and another gentle peck to your forehead.

"Just lay back and relax alright?" He gave your captured wrists a light squeeze as he spoke, large frame hovering over you as he continued to scissor his fingers inside you. The burning sensation from being stretched out began to subside as the familiar warmth of pleasure took hold of you once more.

"There we go, just like that. The more you relax the easier this will be I promise."

Finally pulling his devilish hand away from your soaked pussy he made quick work of shimmying out of his underwear, long cock springing free. The tip was red with a good bit of pre-cum dripping down his intimidating length, some getting lost in his neatly trimmed curly blond pubic hair.

You had flashbacks to the first time you saw it, a bit relieved that in his smaller form he lost a bit of girth. But holy shit if this 7 foot 2 inch giant of a man wasn't packing heat.

Heat flushed Toshinori's face as he watched you take him in. He knew his size could be a bit alarming, which is why he was well versed in the art of foreplay.

Bringing himself down on top of you he lined his tip up with your entrance, free hand helping to guide himself in. You could feel him, gently rubbing himself on your outer lips to gather your slick. His raspy breaths ghosted across the hot expanse of your face, while he closed his eyes, letting out a low groan as he began to push in.

"Sh-shit yes, just like that, ah fuck it'll be a tight fit."

You whined as he began to work on sinking into you, his hand leaving his cock in favor of gently wrapping around your throat.

Despite his best efforts his fingers hadn't been enough preparation when compared to his cock. Gasping in pain you thrashed beneath him. He shushed you gently, fingers stroking your throat delicately as he speared you open. Little by little he rocked his hips into you, holding you down while you cried out in pain.

"So good, you're doing so good. The worst is over okay princess hold out for me."

You hardly knew what he meant by worst part when it felt like he was never going to bottom out. He brought his face down beside yours, huffing and groaning into your ear until finally he was flush with you, cock buried to the hilt. You were breathing hard, small whines and whimpers slipping past your lips at how he stretched you.

"Oh shit. You- you're fucking perfect."

"Too much, it's too much plea-" much to your frustration his mouth met your own again in order to cut off your protests. He pressed your head into the pillow to try and prevent you from pulling away from him again, hungrily following your escape attempts. The hand he had around your throat receded, only to snake its way between the two of you so he could continue teasing your sensitive clit.

His hips began to move again, assuming he had given you plenty of time to adjust based off the way your pussy clenched around him as if begging for more.

He starting off with the same tempo he had been doing for the majority of the night, so slow it was as if he was teasing you. But as the burning sensation in your poor cunt eased you realized he was doing it for your benefit. He wanted you to enjoy this, needed you to find pleasure and comfort in him. After all this was your first time with him, he wanted to make sure you weren't afraid when he came back for more.

As your whimpers subsided, replaced with hushed moans, only then did Toshinori begin to pick up the pace. Finally he released your mouth from his kiss, both of you gasping for air. He showered you with praise as he fucked into you, deep gravely voice never letting you forget just how much he cared for you.

For your part all you could do was submit to him, letting his deft finger and cock bring you back to the brink of orgasm. Your warm walls fluttered around him as he took you closer and closer, the resounding slap of flesh on flesh filling the room as he lost himself in his own pleasure. He was grounded only long enough to see you through, but as soon as you began to convulse around him, hips bucking and pretty mouth moaning obscenely, his mind blanked out.

He abandoned your clit, hand coming up to join the other and thread his fingers through your own. He hammered into you, painfully drawing out your orgasm as he chased his own climax. The juxtapose of him lovingly holding your hands to his feral thrusts was giving you mental whiplash.

"Yes, yes fuck. So good for me, don't ever leave me again. Shit - fuck I can't lose anyone else."

His thrusts were erratic, your whole body forced to move against his. You had assumed he would cum in you, just as Hizashi and Shouta had already done, but right before he finished he pulled out quickly. Pressing the head of his cock into your skin, hot thick surges of cum covered your stomach. The excess quickly began to drip down the side of your body, mingling with your sweat on the sheets below.

Coming down from his high, his hands were still intertwined with your own, skinny body heaving from exertion. For your part your heart rate had mostly settled after your second orgasm, leaving you effectively spent under him.

You had managed to keep your eyes closed while he had fucked you, only now opening them to find him observing you fondly. Releasing his hold on you he leaned over to his bedside table and grabbed a spare handkerchief, using it to wipe off his cooling cum.

Only when he deemed you properly spotless did he toss the cloth to the floor and flop down in the bed beside you. Drawing your weary body against him he folded around you, capturing you once more in his unrelenting grip.

"I know you haven't been here very long, but I can't help but love you so much it hurts. I'll be good to you if you're good to me okay?"

A meager "m-kay" was all you had it in you to respond with, but it was all the man wanted to hear. With a satisfied hum Toshinori pecked your forehead with one last kiss before you both succumbed to sleep.

[pinkchanelbag]

truthfully, miserably. [m. fushiguro]

the truth came to him like a drowning man’s first breath, but came far too late; you were already long gone.

cw: literally just angst. 

wc: 1.5k.

note: this doesn’t even have a plot??? it’s just me directing my bummed out energy on my poor baby megumi i feel so bad i have to like write him fluffly headcanons or something after this.

“you’re lying.” 

megumi stiffened his body to suppress the shudder that passed through him. he worried that those words would haunt him for the rest of his life. 

how terrifying it was to watch himself become undone by those two words. he’d known himself to be an honest man, a good man. it didn’t ever occur to him that lying about something as intangible, inconsequential as his own feelings could hurt someone; could make him a worse person. 

“it’s not the right time. i’m too busy to worry about you more than i already do. i can’t worry about your feelings too.”

it had been a harsh statement but an been an easy lie. so easy that he was mildly convinced of it himself until the moment you’d pulled it to pieces before him and turned your back on him with a suitcase in one hand. 

you’re lying.

a dark feeling manifested in his gut at knowing those were your last words to him. knowing the last time you looked upon him, your face was pulled into something like disbelief, hurt, hopelessness, and tears sat in your eyes but didn’t fall. it was the face of a person spread thin, a person giving up. 

the night was windy enough for it to be noticeable. the breeze tossed megumi’s hair before his eyes and obscured his vision of the train station. 

he had stayed behind when the first and second years and gojo sensei accompanied you in farewell.

“you sure?” gojo sensei had asked with a titled head and rare genuine empathy. 

“don’t think she’d want me there.” part of him had believed it to be true, but another part of him, the part that sneered at his cowardice knew it was also because he hadn’t come to terms with his own actions. he hadn’t been ready to face you after being hit with the crushing reality of his own deceit. part of him couldn’t make himself process that the hurt in your face wasn’t because of his words, but because of the fact that you knew they weren’t true.

gojo had simply sighed, paused for a few beats before saying,

“utahime will text me as soon as she’s picked her up from the station.” the sorcerer’s intuition had let him on to the circumstances, and it was that intuition that knew megumi would benefit from being reassured of the girl’s whereabouts. knowing this, megumi had thanked his sensei with deep sincerity, a rarity of his own.

he didn’t even know why he’d come. you’d departed before the sun had gone down. a creeping feeling told him it was because he should have been there. a part of him felt like he’d arrived several hours late to the most important encounter of his life. 

he supposed he was here because it was the last place he knew for a fact that you’d been in; that a few hours ago, you stood on the platform. maybe your fingers tapped against the handle of your suitcase like they often did when you felt anticipatory. maybe you smiled at the others with your eyes and hugged them with your whole body. you’d always had a way of pouring every single thing in your heart and mind into your interactions—your eyes, words, your touch. megumi had always seen it as both powerful and stupid. you were truer than any other person he’d ever met. your heart teetered on your sleeve, but it was by no means weak. you felt with no shame or inhibition, and it was your superpower. but the way you couldn’t—wouldn’t—mask your feelings in any way made you an exposed nerve. you were all offence and no defence. at first, to megumi, it was irritating. he hadn’t liked being called out or being slapped in the face by your vulnerability and not knowing what to do with it. 

then he came to know you. irritation turned to apprehensiveness; the feeling of wanting to grab you by the shoulders and shake you into some sense. to tell you to not be so open. a feeling as if he was constantly worrying about a toddler falling off a cliff. but you never changed, and he got somewhat used to it. and then he knew it was you, and knew he wouldn’t want you differently. then, unexpectedly, he came to like, even to admire, that quality in you. the anxiety never went away. all that had changed was that the more time he spent around you, the more he needed to protect your heart as you never would. 

it’s not the right time. 

it was a lie. and he of all people should’ve known better than to believe it. after having lost too many people far too soon in his life, he should’ve known that time becomes inconsequential, in the end. he should’ve known that you knew, which justified your look of incredulousness at his words. he wondered if you, with your terrifying ability to see through his every atom, had known that he didn’t truly mean to lie, because he had convinced himself of something that wasn’t true. megumi’s own heart answered painfully. of course you’d known. how long had you been wrestling with his iron-grip emotions before you gave up on trying to help him see truth? 

it had taken far too many hours, but the initial shock and cowardice had just about worn off. on the dark, empty platform, megumi faced himself. not for his sake—for yours. for what you had been trying to do for him before he’d pushed you away more times than even your kind soul could handle. 

with a lump in his throat, he thought about and acknowledged that as much as he should’ve known to cherish people before they were gone, he equally held himself back from growing close to anyone for fear of how badly their loss would hurt him. your closeness scared him more than any other because he knew that if anything ever happened to you, anything at all, he’d never be the same. it wouldn’t matter if you healed from whatever physical or emotional scars had been caused. megumi would never be able to feel like he belonged to the same world that had done you harm. his fists clenched in anger. and what had he done, exactly? he’d been the one to hurt you in a selfish pursuit of preservation. 

you’re lying. 

he’d been lying. he could own up to that now. he had to make his amends in some way, and not in hopes that it’ll make you give him another chance, but because you did what he hadn’t. you’d acted selflessly for his sake. you’d tried to help him be better, you’d tried to love him and to tell him—because i like you, fushiguro—to tell him that and whether or not you were around or would ever be around again to witness it, he would be better. and he’d start with this.

what’s the truth?

there was little thinking involved in what happened next. it wasn’t a conscious thought at all. it wasn’t so different from finally emerging from too much time spent underwater and the way your body pulls a dizzyingly deep breath into your lungs without your conscious decision or consent. for megumi, that was what it felt like to realize he loved you. 

he choked on a sob as the words piled into existence. i love you. 

he’d never been open emotionally, particularly with intimate feelings. that was why the conviction and forwardness with which he felt this truth shocked him—or would have, if he could’ve focused on anything else. vaguely he wondered if this is how you felt all your emotions. with such ferocious acceptance that no one could possibly mold them into weakness when they felt so much like strength.

i love you.

his body was nearly aglow with it. it bubbled up inside him and threatened to spill over. 

“i..i love you.” 

for just a moment, two opposite universes crossed. he stood inside that unfulfilled reality, where on this platform on this day he’d arrived before the sun had fallen and said those words to your listening ears rather than to deserted train tracks. he looked between himself and the reality where he’d done right by time, and he didn’t know which was the ghost.

“i love you.”

he spoke the words to the wind, and it heard him and whistled in empathy, but it would not carry his message to you. 

“i love you...i love you.”

megumi watched those words that scalded the inside of his mouth materialize only to be carried out of existence. without you to hear them, they meant nothing, no matter how much they felt like breathing fire. but for all their uselessness, he didn’t dare to not say them, even as they burned his lips. for one thing, they were the truth. 

“i love you,” he said miserably. “i love you. i love you. i love you.” 

right person, wrong time. how backwards a saying that was. he scoffed tearfully. not even the watery eyes took away from the dry, bitter expression on his face. he was the one—he had wronged time. how long had he spent deluding himself about all the reasons he should let you go? the timing had always been right—he was what was wrong. and now you’d broken his heart like he’d broken yours. his tears sunk and hid into his pores and his face turned to stone, and you were gone, and he’d never love again. 

[penelope1597]

Osblaine Week 2021

Day 6

Nick appreciation

I think what I appreciate most of Nick is the fact that he’s the least misogynistic character in the show. I’ve said it many times before and I will die on this hill. The way he treats the women around him including Serena is telling. Makes me believe he was raised by a strong woman and that he was close to his mom and felt great love for her. There’s a sense of equality between him and the women he interacts with. He’s courteous and respectful. I also think this in part is because of what Max Minghella adds to the character.

If we analyze his and Beth’s relationship there’s an understanding. He cares for her even if it’s a physical relationship only. He likes to see her happy, there was a friendship there and he respected her (and June) enough to not continue sleeping with her when he started with June.

When Serena is distraught when Holly leaves he gives her a cigarette. A small gesture thanking her maybe for letting his child go or acknowledging her pain.

He was always kind to Rita.

The Martha’s don’t fear him, they don’t see him as a threatening figure. They feel safe, comfortable.

Eden was a little different as he was cold. But that’s a difficult scenario to maneuver in. He deeply regretted everything he felt he did wrong and would’ve given anything to take it back. Another mistake he feels he will have to pay for.

Now to June. The way he truly understands her. The way he feels he needs to protect her yet he doesn’t take away her choices, he doesn’t think for her, he doesn’t believe he knows what’s best for her. The way he loves her. The way he connected to her from the get go.

I think June gave him something he didn’t know he wanted or deserved. That was they key of his connection to her. He treats her like a person. He knows she’s a victim, she’s been damaged and hurt but he doesn’t tip toe around her. He is a victim of the same place but he knows she has it worse and again he feels he serves all that suffering.

The way he handled the fact that he got her pregnant. No fear, no doubts, all in knowing the risk it was for him. She was valuable because she was pregnant. At any given time they could say he raped her and he would end on the wall.

His letting her go. Selfless. Not even trying to contact her after he knew she got to Canada. Knowing she was someone before Gilead. Respecting her life before. Not expecting to be part of her after. And looking out for Hannah. That is one of the biggest acts of love not many people do, because it hurts. And he would rather live with this pain because he feels he deserves it, knowing she’s happy and free.

I love this scene. Because I knew he was involved, because it’s so beautiful to me what he did for June, how he handled it and what it means. I love your fucked up cause you love my fucked up. Because he seems satisfied, just like he looked so proud of himself when he gave her Hannah’s file. Nick is closed off and detached, his never cocky or overly manly, but he isn’t a whimp either. I think this gesture here shows all of that. People say he could have saved June’s humanity by killing Fred himself. I think he knows June so well that he knows she’s still human, that killing Fred won’t take away from her spirit, won’t damage her. It’s actually quite the opposite and only a man like Nick understands that.

[stargaze-sunflower]

Hello! Could you do some Dewey and Louie bonding? Or maybe Dewey protecting his brothers? Your writing is amazing btw.

This ask is from way back when I was taking prompts sajdskj I'm sorry its so late but I dug up something that I wrote for the green beans discord and it sort of fit this so I cleaned it up a bit :]

The context is that Dewey and Louie have been stuck in a magical forest that shows them their worst memories, but it kinda starts near the end of that story so asjdkkjsa anyway I hope you enjoy!! <33

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dewey’s worst nightmare used to be Huey being freakishly tall, but now that he’d been introduced to freakishly tall trees in a disturbingly magical forest, he might be reevaluating that decision.

“We’ll get out of here,” Dewey said, softer than he might’ve, had it not felt like something was watching them. “We always get out.”

“Yeah, sure, we always escape magical forests that trap us and show us our worst memories,” Louie grumbled, sarcastic and defensive; tired and lost.

“You know what I mean,” Dewey said, standing up from where he’d been kneeling in a patch of bright green and glowing moss. He held out a hand for Louie to take. “We’re two-thirds of the Duck Boys, we’ll be fine.”

“It only takes once, you know,” Louie said, taking his hand and rising on slightly shaky legs. “And then always turns into sometimes, and my mental health will somehow get worse.”

“We’ll be fine,” Dewey reiterated, his chest squeezing a bit at Louie’s words, at the fact that he was so scared of sometimes. “I mean, we could probably use some help, sure. Or ideas. Or a miracle.”

“I’m afraid I’m out of stock,” Louie said drily.

Dewey laughed a bit, glad that most of the horrible tension from earlier had dissipated into something more manageable. Running from reruns of their worst memories until Louie collapsed into a panic attack had not been the fun adventure he’d been hoping for.

Still holding Louie’s hand, Dewey turned to take in their surroundings for what had to be the thirtieth time. There were trees as far as he could see, and they were taller than he could even fathom, so much so that he couldn’t see the sky, couldn’t tell if it was night or day. Patches of glowing green moss were spread haphazardly across the forest floor and growing near the bases of the trees. And speaking of trees…

“Do you think we should try climbing?” Dewey asked, his head tilted backwards at an uncomfortable angle as he searched for one worth a try. All the branches were at least twenty feet in the air.

“Nope, no. Absolutely not,” Louie said, tugging on his hand as if to shake the thought of it from his head. “I’d rather you didn’t fall and die, thanks.”

“Maybe one of those giant deer we saw earlier would catch me.”

“I don’t really want to see that either.”

“What? But it’d be so cool!”

“Do it on your own time, then,” Louie said, but a small smile was pulling at the corner of his beak, and Dewey grinned.

“That sounds like a challenge,” he said, teasing.

“That was the opposite of a challenge,” Louie said. “That was a thinly veiled plea to never leap into the arms of a giant deer.”

Dewey pouted playfully. “You’re no fun.”

“No, I just happen to have common sense and a healthy fear of injury.”

Something in the air shifted.

(“Fear, you say?”)

Dewey jumped about a mile in the air, startled, as Louie yelped in poorly concealed surprise. The voice seemed to come from all around them, layered and echoing and amused. Slowly, they turned around, and with wide eyes they took in the figure in front of them.

It was a child, glowing with the same light that had formed imitations of their family members just a few minutes ago. The child looked like a ghost, or a hologram, and despite its youthful appearance, Dewey got the feeling that it was older than anything he’d ever met before; ancient and magic and terrifying, like the trees surrounding them and the creatures they’d encountered throughout their adventure.

But it looked like a child.

The figure smiled, and Dewey blinked, feeling Louie’s grip on his hand tighten as they stared at the entity in front of them.

“Who are you?” Dewey blurted, forgoing a polite hello in favor of getting straight into whatever this was.

(“I am the forest,”) the child said, as if that were a perfectly normal and reasonable response. For their family, it might as well be. (“Why are you here?”)

“Trust me, I’d rather not be,” Louie spoke up, stepping out from where Dewey had subconsciously stepped in front of him. He gave the forest spirit a long, resigned look. “So if you could point us towards the exit, that would be great.”

(“There is no exit,”) the forest said, that amused undertone to its voice again, and then it smiled. (“But there is an escape.”)

“Okay, uh, can you point us to the escape, then?” Dewey asked, already frustrated by the word games the thing was playing.

The forest hummed as if deliberating, and the leaves around them rustled in an echo of it, low and haunting. Dewey felt Louie shiver.

(“It is something you have to find for yourself,”) said the forest spirit, floating forward a bit. (“All I can be is a guide. It is up to you, whether you leave or not.”)

There was a moment of silence, in which Dewey got the impression that the trees were breathing, or something equally as ridiculous.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Louie asked, growing bolder in his irritation. “We want to leave. Let us out.”

(“Freedom is not free, child,”) the forest said, for a moment sounding exactly as ancient as it really was. Sounding sad, almost. (“You have to give me something in return.”)

Dewey glanced back at Louie with a question in his eyes, and Louie just shrugged. Bargaining with the forest. Sure. Now he’d seen everything.

“What do you want?” Dewey asked.

(“An answer,”) said the forest, tilting its head to the side as it examined them. (“An answer to a question.”)

“Great,” Louie said flatly, exhaustion and resignation seeping into his voice. “Ask away.”

What Dewey had expected was some sort of riddle, or trick, or maybe an impossible task. What he got was something completely different.

(“What are you afraid of?”) the forest asked, and Dewey’s breath caught. The child frowned. (“No one ever tells me the truth.”)

“This has happened before?” Dewey asked, and the spirit shrugged.

(“I’ve lived for centuries,”) the forest said, looking around at the trees that were growing tall and proud around them. (“There are always those who wander.”)

“And do you let them leave?” Louie’s voice was careful in the way that meant he was scared. Dewey lightly squeezed his hand.

(“It depends on what they tell me.”)

Dewey swallowed, feeling the pressure begin to press in on him from all sides. He was the older brother here; he had to make sure they made it out.

“Okay,” Dewey said, after a few long seconds of eerie quiet. “I’m sacred of heights, and thunder, and— and rivers.”

He heard Louie’s rushed breath of surprise at his declaration, because there were definitely some things in there that his brother hadn’t known.

(“That is the truth,”) the forest acknowledged, (“but it is not enough.”)

“Why not?” Dewey asked, halfway to being offended.

(“What are you afraid of?”) the forest spirit repeated the question gently. (“More than anything.”)

“More than anything?” Dewey parroted, and the forest nodded. He’d never met a forest who could nod before.

Sighing, Dewey turned to look at Louie, who was staring back at him in resigned bewilderment. The glow from the moss cast him in an eerie sort of lighting, but he supposed it reflected the mood well enough. Eventually, Louie broke eye contact and sighed.

“Okay, sure, if we tell you our greatest fear, then you’ll let us leave?” Louie asked, apparently making sure that if he bared his soul, it would be for a good reason.

(“Yes,”) said the forest, simply. (“You will be free.”)

“Great, not ominous at all.”

“Do you even know what your greatest fear is?” Dewey asked, glancing at Louie over his shoulder. He wasn’t even completely sure if he knew his own.

“I’ve got a few ideas,” Louie said absentmindedly, not meeting his eyes, and Dewey’s stomach twisted into anxious knots.

(“Will you tell me the truth?”) asked the forest spirit, and it almost sounded like it was excited. (“It has been a long time since I’ve heard honesty.”)

“It’s been a long time since I’ve practiced it,” said Louie, “but I’ll do my best.”

The forest nodded, something like a wry smile pulling at its lips. (“That is the truth.”)

“Thanks,” Louie said, and then in the same breath: “I’m afraid of being useless. Of having nothing to offer that makes me worth keeping around. I’m afraid of hurting people, of letting them down. I’m afraid that I’ll be left behind because I’m the only one who doesn’t always like where we’re going.”

Dewey stood rigid in the wake of Louie’s confession, his hand gone still and clammy in Louie’s tight, shaking grip. The weight of the words was not lost on Dewey, who suddenly had something new that he was afraid of. He never wanted Louie to feel like any of that was even possible.

“Louie?” Dewey’s voice wavered around his little brother’s name, but Louie ignored him in favor of staring challengingly at the forest spirit.

There was a long pause, in which everything was hauntingly still.

(“That is the truth,”) the forest said eventually, a bit of pride making its way into its voice. (“Thank you.”)

“Yeah,” Louie said, sounding equal parts fragile and relieved. “No problem.”

Big problem.

“Louie,” Dewey said, looking at him with confused, hurt eyes. “Why do you— You know we’d never do any of that stuff, right?”

Louie just shrugged, smiling a bit awkwardly.

“Somedays it seems more rational than others,” he said, and then, “It’s your turn.”

Reluctantly, Dewey turned back to the forest spirit, who was standing there serenely and watching them patiently. Right. His greatest fears.

“I don’t like to think about being scared,” Dewey opened up with, deciding to just wing it. “So I guess I’m afraid of being afraid. I’m afraid of missing out, being ignored. I’m afraid that no one will ever think I’m special or unique. It would really suck to be thought of as boring, you know?”

(“I do not know,”) said the forest spirit, kindness shining through its old eyes as it looked at him. (“But that is the truth. Thank you.”)

“Sure,” Dewey said, feeling slightly sick. “Anytime.”

“Though preferably never again,” Louie added, his voice thin and weak.

Dewey turned to look back at him, and found nothing but sadness and understanding in his gaze.

“You’re special, Dewey,” Louie told him, “and the fact that we’re standing here talking to a forest spirit is testament enough to the fact that you couldn’t be boring even if you tried.”

Despite himself, Dewey started chuckling, and Louie joined in with giggles soon after, all of the tension tumbling out of them in the form of laughter. The forest spirit smiled at them.

(“Laughter is rarer than honesty,”) the forest spirit mused. (“Or at least it is so where I come from.”)

“It depends on the person, I think, more than the place,” Louie said, and how did their lives reach this point? Making casual conversation with the embodiment of a magical forest. “Can we go now?”

(“Of course,”) said the forest, leaning back against a tree, seeming completely at ease. (“I told you the truth. You may go.”)

“Oka—"

“Why did you need to know our greatest fears?” Dewey asked suddenly, overcome with curiosity. “Are you holding them hostage now? Will we not be afraid anymore?”

(“I am a magical being,”) the forest spirit said, smiling up at the leaves above them, (“but even I cannot make you fearless.”)

“Then what was the point?”

(“To make you brave.”)

“Brave?” Louie asked, frowning a bit.

(“Honesty and Bravery are closely connected.”) The forest shrugged. (“To have any of either is to wear your heart on your sleeve.”)

“That’s another thing I’m afraid of,” Louie said softly, a bit wonderingly, and Dewey glanced at him sharply. “Being known.”

(“And yet you are,”) said the forest, glancing at Dewey and smiling softly. (“And you are loved all the same.”)

“I’d call that a miracle,” Louie said, a wry grin growing on his face even as Dewey squeezed his hand in a silent reprimand.

(“You may call it whatever you want.”) The forest around them began to change, the trees shrinking and shifting in the corners of Dewey’s vision. (“But I call it the truth.”)

The glow of the moss began to fade away, leaving behind a depressing normalcy. The trees had molded themselves into a mere shadow of their former glory, sunlight passing through the leaves that hung shortly above them. Before long, the only thing left of the magical forest was the figure in front of them, fainter and more translucent now that its home was back in… whatever realm it had come from; Dewey didn’t really know much about the logistics of magical forests and such.

“Bye,” Dewey said awkwardly, uselessly, and the forest spirit laughed brightly, eyes crinkling.

The laughter lingered even after the childlike figure had disappeared, until even that was carried away on the wind, leaving Dewey and Louie standing in a perfectly average sort of forest, staring at the spot where the last of their adventure had just vanished into thin air. Too much had happened in the past few hours. Too much to even begin to process.

“That was… something,” Louie said faintly, and Dewey snorted.

Understatement of the century.

Dewey opened his mouth to respond, but the harsh sound of the bushes to their right moving around pulled his attention away. Huey and Webby came tumbling through the underbrush moments later, looking wild and worried. Dewey and Louie turned to look at them with wide eyes, and Huey sighed in relief.

“We’ve been looking everywhere for you,” Huey said, rushing over to them to pull them into a hug. “Where have you been?”

“And why were you holding hands and staring at a tree?” Webby added, scanning them for injuries.

“It’s a long story,” Dewey managed, finally letting go of Louie’s hand as they shared a look.

“Yeah,” Louie agreed, looking back at their other siblings, “and we’re not telling it until we’re far, far away from anything resembling a forest.”

“The trees have eyes and ears,” Dewey said, nodding seriously, fighting a smile when Huey and Webby looked properly baffled now.

“And the forest talks like a poet from like, 80 centuries ago. I don’t—” Louie cut himself off with a yawn. “I don’t know. I’m tired.”

Hueys face softened into something concerned and caring.

“Okay,” said Huey. “Okay, let’s go home.”

The wind ruffled their hair gently as they were led back towards the Sunchaser, and somehow the rustling of the leaves sounded like a goodbye. Dewey looked towards the sky and smiled.

[sukirichi]

Why do I feel like a lot of Suna's concept love is based on his how well he is able to protect the ones that he love ?

As you stated he feels the need to be protective about Iris , to look after her , love her .

And It seems weird to think of love this way . I mean yes it means protecting them but also feeling protected by them . It mean that you both make each other feel safe , looked after.

The feelings of peace he feels for Y/n are much more soft and healing .

And maybe it's because I watched have been into Spy x family too much these days , but sometimes these feelings can make one feel scared . Almost to the point it hurts to acknowledge those feelings . Almost to the point you hate the person who causes them.

And I just would like to wonder what if he realises them when it's too late ? When he already had twisted their relationship beyond help ? What if it's when he finally sees his feelings mirrored by one of his brothers ? One who chose to face them and embrace Y/n ?

Suna's love is based on nostalgia . On feelings of the past . But with time your heart changes . However much you try , your bonds with people shift . You make newer ones . Ones that might even feel stronger.

At the end of the day , I just feel like this the part of me that loves Suna sm that it wants to see his feelings change.

This story is so heartbreakingly beautiful and really is keeping me so invested I am not even kidding .

❤️❤️❤️

oooh that’s actually a nice theory! as for now where we haven’t gotten an in depth perspective of how rin’s childhood was like, i’d say it’s not explicitly stated yet just exactly how he loves, but you’re hitting the nail on this one! i think it’s clear that suna has really blurred definitions when it comes to love. which isn’t surprising, because he grew up without seeing what true love looked like and hasn’t received it from anybody until iris came to his life. for now, his protective nature (as we can see from how starting chapter one, he was always keeping an eye out to iris and always coddling her, defending her, etc etc) is his way of showing his love.

you’re right that love is feeling safe around each other and looking out after one another. there’s a heavy polarity in iris x suna since it’s suna that puts the most effort. he’s always giving and iris is always receiving to the point it’s not equal anymore. iris takes and takes. suna gives and gives that it will eventually drain him, and he subconsciously admits that he’s doing too much for iris and receiving too little from her because whatever iris lacks, yn gives bountifully. suna seeks to provide comfort and security to iris, but yn does that for him and back when we were still unaware of the whole iris fiasco and we believed suna loved us, i’d say we were a healthy couple. 

and omg, i’m actually happy to hear about how you look forward to seeing how suna will develop throughout the story! i def planned a lot for him, and i’m happy to know people can see that he’s a complex character and his emotions aren’t just simple or at a singular form. they change through time, and he has his own fears over facing all these new things and emotions that yn sparks from him. in a way, their marriage still works in the sense that suna continuously discovers parts of himself he didn’t previously knew before during their marital union. 

thank you so much for this ask though, i enjoyed talking about this and hearing your opinions! <33