#i suggest approaching it the same way you might approach any anxious episode or panic attack

[a-commas-a-pause]

I also get this specific anxiety yes! Especially with larger pills that can get a little stuck in the throat. Though of course the smaller ones feel like they would be less noticeable (not true btw any pill big enough that you can see it WOULD be noticeable going down your trachea. That thing is sensitive).

Just to make sure I wasn't giving you false info, I did go and do a quick google on this, and can confirm, there is nothing to worry about - if a pill/object had ended up in your lungs you would be having noticeable trouble breathing and likely be in quite a lot of pain.

I have had tiny amounts of food go down the wrong way a couple of times myself and even very small pieces will usually cause a LOT of fuss.

Also, even if something did get into your lungs and then somehow dissolved there without getting coughed back up/raising hell and causing you immediate and persistent stabbing pains (very unlikely) it wouldn't dissolve your lungs themselves. It would just end up in your bloodstream a bit faster than if it had gone in the normal way (c.f. weed ingested via the digestive system (e.g brownies) vs inhaled (ie in a vape or smoked) is widely understood to "kick in" at different speeds and with different side effects). That's not to say it's totally safe or anything, any solid object in the lungs is bad because it can fuck with your breathing and provide a nucleus for germs to grow on, but it's not going to melt them straight up. And you would notice (in the form of pain and shortness of breath, basically pneumonia symptoms) if something solid did end up down there and didn't sort itself out.

And if you're thinking "well, maybe the pill was small I wouldn't notice"? Understandable, but if it were truly so small, it would be small enough for your cilia to deal with it. It would get wafted all the way back up the trachea and into the oesophagus. Where it is meant to be. That's what the cilia are for it's like their whole thing they do this with dust particles and similar all the time.

If it helps, here is a Reddit thread of other people being reassuring, and in some cases also commiserating about having this exact same anxiety:

My brain is giving me a hard time with taking my medication. I took a sip to swallow the pill and it went down weird and I can’t tell if I swallowed it or inhaled it and I’m lowkey scared it’s in my lungs and dissolving them. Anyone else have this problem

[prettyboisteveharrington]

Line without a hook

Loki is always there to comfort you. One day you return the favour.

Fluff, hurt/ comfort

It was a cold night at the Stark Tower you were in your favourite jumper in front of the TV trying not to worry

The mayority of the Avengers were out fighting the latest threat of destruction to the Earth this week.

You had been asked to stay back to rest your leg after a particular tough battle the week before that had really damaged your knee.

You felt guilty that you weren’t there helping your fellow team mates.

Loki had offered to look after you, you weren’t quite sure why as you hadn’t spent much time together. You trusted Him though. You knew Him joining the Avengers had been a little rough on Him, not everyone had warmed up to Him after What he had done to New York. You weren’t an Avenger at that time so you didn’t have to fight Him.

I you weren’t exactly friends but you were always hesitant to talk to Him. You never quite knew What to say and you never talked unless you had something meaningful to add to the conversation

You were watching an episode of our planet about forests

When Loki walked in and started boiling water

Ahhh his usual cup of tea

You smiled to yourself. Being apart of the Avengers you started to notice People’s usual habits and behaviours. You found other people facinating and you had such fun watching Them.

Loki put a cup of tea Down in front of you and you looked up at him with a questioning look on your face

‘Thank you’

He nodded at you and sat Down a few seats away from you and started to read his book.

You noticed he didn’t have any cup infront of him

‘Where’s your usual cup of tea?’

Loki smirked

‘I’m not the one who is anxious’

‘I’m not’

He looked up from his book and raised his eyebrows

‘The tea will soothe your soul’

‘I’m fine’ you insisted stubbornly crossing your arms at your chest almost like a child

‘ clearly’ Loki added dryly going back to Reading his book

‘Fine i’ll bite.. What Makes you Think I’m anxious?’ You Said and gave Him a look

‘The jumper, the Nature documentary and the look of panic that graces your features’

You sighed

‘Am i really that transparent?’

‘Yes’

‘Fantastic’ it was your turn to dryly say

‘So Can i ask why you are anxious?’ Loki asked almost carefully

You looked at him for a minute almost debating with yourself if you should tell him or not but shrugged your shoulders and gave in.

‘I’ve never missed a mission, I’ve always been in front of the action. What if it’s actually better without me there. What if I’m -‘

Not Cut out to be here? Not good enough?Useless

You thought sadly.

Loki gave you an a look of disblief

‘ you Can’t possibly Think you Don’t belong’

You shrugged

‘Sometimes I wonder if I’m cut out for it. If I had moved out the way or been faster or stronger maybe I wouldn’t have gotten hurt’

‘You’re human. It happens’ Loki said trying to reassure you

‘Wouldn’t have happened to you’ you said back Defensively

‘That’s different I’m a god. You are a midgardian’

‘Sadly yeah. I don’t like how weak it makes me feel’

‘ you might be many things y/n but weak is not one of them’

Your cheeks flushed

‘What do you mean?’ You questioned

‘You are an excellent fighter, you always give it your very best and I think that’s quite admirable and definitely worthy of being part of a team ’

You shivered partly due to being cold partly because this was probably the most you had talked to the god in all the time you had been apart of the team.

With a flick of his finger your shoulders were covered in dark green blanket.

You smiled a wide smile for the first in a while.

And reached out to put your hand on his shoulder

‘Thank you’

Loki looked at your hand for a moment before looking into your eyes with an unreadable look on his face.

Before going back to reading his book and you went back to watching your documentary.

Both of you just sitting in silence and you reached over and Grabbed the cup of tea and took a sip

Mint. Your favourite flavour.

you didn’t think much of it and kept watching your documentary while you enjoyed Loki’s company.

One day you found him in the library looking for another book to read. you were in a better mood than the day he had joined you on the couch but you didn’t feel amazing either.

You gave him a nod before going over to the book shelves to browse.

You spotted your favourite book of all time and took it and sat down on the ground next to where Loki was standing and staring to read

‘To what do I owe the pleasure of your company’ Loki commented before going back to look for a book

you shrugged

‘If you don’t want company I can leave’ you suggested but he shook his head.

‘Are you anxious?’

You nodded your head

‘ what’s wrong’ he asked before sitting down next to you

‘Nightmare’ you added

‘How bad? Slight trauma or watching your family die in front of you?’

‘Burning alive kind of bad’ you shuddered

Shaking slightly

Loki flicked his fingers and a green blanket

Was around both of your shoulders.

Before he could ask if you wanted to talk about it you had already started to rant

‘ it felt so real. The flames. The burning sensation. I woke up gasping for air’

Loki hesitated before lightly touching your hand with his and he squeezed your hand in a reassuring way

‘It’s not real. You’re safe’

‘ I know’ you admitted before knocking your shoulder against his and going back to reading your book. He stayed by your side as you read.

Loki could somehow always sense when you had a bad day.. he was always ready with a book, a cup of mint tea or a blanket You had no idea how or why he cared but it was actually really sweet of him and it made you want to talk to him more.

This time you stumbled upon him having a rough day.

He hadn’t left his headquarters in days and you had become worried. So you had made him a cup of tea and had knocked on his door.

‘Loki?’ You asked

He opened the door and let you come in

He was sitting on his bed reading.

You sat down next to him and handed him the tea

‘Everything okay?’

‘Yeah I’m grand’

You gave him a look that suggested you knew he was lying

‘You might be the god of mischief but you are a terrible liar’

‘Me? A terrible liar’ he said pretending to be offended

‘Do you want to talk about it?’

‘It’s stupid’ he reassured you

‘I doubt it’

‘Sometimes I wish I was as likeable as my brother’

You looked at Him for a moment trying to decide if it was okay to make a joke

‘The god of Mischeif jealous ?’ You joked

Loki sighed

‘I know. Stupid’

‘No! I’m sorry ‘ you Said and leaned your body next to his and he leaned into the touch.

‘Can i ask why you feel that Way?’

‘All my life people have always favoured Him over me, our parents, our friends, even the Avengers not that i blame Them though’

‘I understand How you feel. Sometimes it’s so easy for people to be so easily Well liked but harder for you’

‘Because they don’t let the burdens of the world bother them’

‘I think it’s because they push it away rather than deal with it you know? But it’s far better to deal with it than to bury it. As for the avengers- give them time and they will see how great you are’

‘You really think so?’

You nodded

‘Also not all the Avengers favour Thor over you. I happen to think he is slightly overrated. I mean he can’t magically get me a blanket when I’m cold’ you added looking into Loki’s eyes and he stared back at you with the softest smile but didn’t say anythinng

You got up from his bed and held out your hand

‘Where are we going?’ He asked as he took his hand in yours and dragged you to the kitchen where you made him sit down.

‘What are you doi-‘

‘ I’m going to make you cookies’ you added and shot him a look as to say there would be no arguing with you.

Loki sat down on the counter And watched you put all the ingredients in a bowl

‘Can i atleast help’

‘Nope just stay where you are’

‘Yes maam’ Loki Said in fake salut and you rolled your eyes but smiled.

You rambled on about your life before the Avengers. About your favourite things in the world.

When you were done you put the cookies in the oven and sat on the counter next to Loki

you were deep into a conversation when Thor came into the room

‘ WHAT IS THAT GLORIOUS SMELL’ Thor Exclaimed

‘Cookies’

You laughed and Loki rolled his eyes but tensed up a bit. You hand touched Loki’s gently giving a reassuring squeeze and Loki relaxed

‘Ah lady y/n and brother! How are yo-‘ he didn’t finish his sentence as he spotted your hands on top of Loki’s

‘Actually i just remembered i need to go ask the Captain about something’ Thor Said with a wide grin as he left the room

‘What was that about?’ You asked confused

‘Heaven knows ‘ Loki shrugged

You let out a laugh.

‘Perhaps you could crush me with your thighs’ your date said giving you a suggestive look

You regretted going on this date. Put yourself out there they Said. It Will be fun they Said.

it was definetly the last time you would listen to anyone ever again. Even Loki had encouraged you to go for it.

If you were honest you would rather be here with him instead but you didn’t know if he liked you. You had grown close lately and you saw him as a good friend if not maybe something more. You just didn’t know if he felt the same.

Your date kept making more more sexual innuendos even though you had made him aware you were uncomfortable.

You had had enough.

‘This was a mistake’ you said as you got up

Your date grabbed your hand

‘Let me go or you’ll regret it’

‘Oh come on! Things were just about to get good’

You turned around and punched him in the nose with your free hand

‘Fucking bitch’

‘ if you ever come near me again I’ll show you what a real bitch does’

And with that comment you turned back around and walked back to the headquarters in a fowl mood

Loki was on the couch reading like usual, Thor was watching some action movie with Natasha and Bruce.

‘Y/N’ Thor greeted loudly as you walked past them all in pure anger

Loki noticed this and approached the kitchen slowly he had never seen you this angry before

You Leaned against the counter trying to catch your breath while holding a drink of water

‘Y/n?’ Loki asked

You looked at him

‘I’m never going on another date ever again’

‘What happened’

‘ lewd sexual comments thrown my way and the fact that I was grabbed and held back as I decided to leave makes me never want to date another person ever again’

‘Are you hurt?’ Loki asked concerned and he was looking for bruises on your body

You looked at him with an unreadable expression and the anger from before vanished

‘I’m okay’ you reaffirmed

‘How did you get away from him?’

‘I punched him in the face’ you shrugged as if it was no big deal

‘That’s amazing. Well done’

You smiled at Loki

‘I will never date again’ you swore

‘You will find someone.You just haven’t found your person yet. Give it time it will happen ‘

‘What when I least expect it?’ You said and took a sip from your glass of water

‘PERHAPS YOU SHOULD DATE A GOD INSTEAD’ Thor exclaimed over from the couch

Loki gave him a dirty look from his place over at the counter like he was throwing daggers at him with his eyes.

You spat out your drink.

‘Ignore my foolish brother’ Loki commented and you nodded your head in agreement.

‘How about we all go out for a drink tomorrow night instead?’ Natasha asked

‘Sounds good’ you agreed.

The next day you were getting ready to go out so you got dressed in a dark green satin v neck dress that reached your ankles, it had a slit in the right side. You were wearing a long silver chain with a moonstone pendant and moonstone earrings.

You had dark lipstick on, mascara and winged eyeliner. Half of Your hair was in a messy ponytail in a half up half down kind of hairstyle.

You walked into the living room area where the others were staring at you In shock but you only noticed Loki.

You were absolutely gobsmacked, you had never seen anyone or anything so beautiful in your life. He was wearing fitted black trousers and a fitted black shirt with his hair tucked behind his ears.

You were breathless and absolutely taken back because wow just wow and he was staring back at you with the same look in his eyes as you

You needed drinks tonight and many of them to distract you from doing something stupid.

Loki walked over towards you and stopped in front of you

‘You clean up nice’ he commented before giving you the brightest smile

Fuck my life

‘I could say the same about you ‘ you said nervously before your cheeks turned a dark shade of red.

‘Come on Lovebirds! Let’s go’ Tony called over his shoulder causing you both to jump a bit as you had forgotten the other Avengers were there.

Without much thought you took Loki’s hand in yours and walked out with the others, Loki hadn’t pulled his hand away but was looking at your hand in his.

Tony, Steve, Wanda and Vision had joined the rest of you for a drink at one of the local bars. Everyone was having fun and talking about anything and everything. You were finishing your second drink before deciding you needed a third.

‘I’ll get the next round you yelled before getting up.

You saw Loki being in the middle of a conversation with Thor, Bruce and Natasha, you smiled in his direction. You were happy for him. It seemed like people were finally warning up to him.

You went to the bar when you spotted your date from the other night but before he noticed you you rushed back towards the table.

‘He’s fucking here’ you breathed out

Loki looked over at you worriedly and walked over to you and Gently held your hands in his.

‘Who’s here?’ He asked calmly

‘ the jerk from my date yesterday’ you shook a bit as you spoke

‘Do you want me to take you home?’ Loki offered

You shook your head

Do you want to get revenge?’

‘No that’s childish and stupid and ‘

‘But do you want to?’ Loki asked you with a mischeivious grin gracing his features

You thought about it for a second.

‘What’s your plan?’ You asked with an expression that matched his.

Loki lead you out unto the dancefloor and you started to Dance next to each other

‘Loki How is this Revenge exactly ?’

‘Show Him that you can do whatever you want with your body. Trust me it will get under his skin. Follow my lead okay? If you are uncomfortable at any point let me know?’

You nodded

You danced for a while. A slower song came on, Loki looked at you slightly nervous.

‘One more thing? Do you trust me?’

‘Yes. With my life’

Loki looked at you somewhat differently at that moment than before but you weren’t sure what it meant.

He put his hand on your hip and his other hand in yours while your other hand was resting on his shoulders and your head was on his chest as you slowdanced on the Dancefloor.

‘Is that the guy from Yesterday?’ Loki asked

You looked in the direction Loki was looking at a guy watching Them intently

‘Yep that’s the creep’

‘Y/n?’

‘Yes?’

Loki looked Down at your lips then back up at you as if he was asking for permission

‘Yes’ you Said in a raspy voice

Loki leaned down and kissed your lips and you kissed him back with full force to the point where you were just passionately making out.

As the Slower song ended you pulled your face away from his face.

‘Is he gone?’ You asked looking in the direction of where the guy had been sitting before

‘Yes’

You pulled Loki into a hug resting your head on his shoulder

‘Thank you. So much’

‘Anytime y/n’ Loki said hugging you back fiercely

After you broke apart from the hug you went back to the others.

Loki and you held hands the rest of the evening.

The next day you woke up in the best mood. But that all changed as soon as you saw Loki.

He was reading on the couch like usual so you went over to the couch and sat down next to him.

‘Hi’ you greeted warmly

Loki didn’t look up from his book but just gave you a nod

‘Everything okay?’

Loki nodded once again and you felt your heart sinking.

Did last night mean nothing

You tried to engage in conversation with Loki a few more times but he wasn’t interested

You sighed and said

‘Didn’t realise I was that unwanted. I thought we were friends. I guess i was wrong’

You left the room before your eyes Got glossy

You avoided everyone for the rest of the day. You hid in your room.

The one person you had ever cared this much about was icing you out.

Yesterday didn’t mean anything to him and you would have to get over this stupid crush.

You were curled up in a ball in your room crying your eyes out.

Had all the times you had bonded lately not meant anything to him? Had all their moments and shared looks been for nothing.

You weren’t even sure what you were to Him now? An acquaintance?

Surely you were more than that though, you had come to Him for comfort and he had opened up to you at least a small bit?

Or were you wrong about that too?

How were you supposed to act around him now?

As the evening approached you went up to the top of the roof and sat down with a blanket wrapped you and you looked up and gazed at the stars.

You don’t know How Long you were up here for until you noticed Loki sit down next to you

You felt bad. You tensed up a bit and Got ready to go back into the headquarters.

‘Y/n please stay’ Loki pleaded almost desperately

You sat down next to Him and looked at Him expectantly

He looked Down at his hands and seemed to be shaking a bit.

Was he nervous?

You gently put your blanket around his shoulders and he looked up at you

You gave him a small smile. You knew that he didn’t get cold with being a frost giant and all but you figured it would at least be comforting and maybe it would give Him the strength to say whatever he needed to get out. He looked at you a bit more confidently now

‘ i shouldn’t have kissed you’

‘I kissed you back’ you reminded him

‘I’m sorry y/n i took things too far and i dont want to ruin our friendship ‘

You swallow a lump in your throat

‘Do you regret kissing me?’ You asked your eyes searching his

‘No! I wanted to kiss you all evening”

“Really?” You asked as your cheeks coloured

“Yes. You looked so beautiful yesterday that i couldn’t take my eyes of you”

“I felt the same way too. You took my breath away yesterday”

Loki gave you a playful grin, his eyes looking looking down at your lips and back up to your eyes

You leaned in and captured his lips with yours, kissing him with as much passion as you could muster and he kissed you back just as fiercely.

After a while you broke apart and smiled at him, your eyes gleaming.

‘If I’m being honest i agree with Thor. Perhaps i should date a god next’

‘ do you have anyone In mind?’ Loki asked and pretended to think but he had a genuine smile on his face

Your heart beated very fast in your chest

‘ a certain god of Mischeif if he is interested’

‘That Can be arranged’

‘Really?’

‘Absolutely’

You leaned over towards Him and met Him halfway until your lips touched in another kiss.

Afterwards you leaned your head on his shoulder

‘The stars are so beautiful tonight’

‘Their beauty is out of this world’ Loki agreed but he wasn’t looking at the stars. He was looking at you

The two of you managed to Fall asleep against each other

Thor, Natasha and Bruce found you two in the morning cuddled into each other

‘YES! I TOLD YOU THEY WERE INTO EACH OTHER’ Thor exclaimed

‘Oh piss off’ you mumbled tiredly and snuggled closer to Loki’s chest being slightly annoyed that he had woken you up

Thor, Natasha and Bruce laughed

Loki kissed your forehead and wrapped his arms closer around you. He was smiling and ignoring his brother.

————-——————-

A/N: I was desperately craving some hurt/comfort in my life. Also I see Loki as more soft after he joins the Avengers, hard to get to know? sure- but softer none the less especially if he starts to care for someone. As the quote in Frozen goes ‘some people are worth melting for’

Also enjoy line without a hook because Ricky Montgomery is👌🏻

[stormyblue90]

Blessed by the Gods pt. 2

Alexios meets his niece and nephew! Continuation of this oneshot!

Also tagging @alexi-ohs for some soft, post-Deimos Alexios.

Familiar red and white buildings came into view as the sun began to set behind the Taygetos mountain range. Alexios had finally returned to the lands of Sparta after being gone for three months. It was still strange to him, returning and having a growing sense of familiarity. The only reason it started to feel like he could possibly make a home here was his sister and mother. Had it not been for them, he'd still be the Cult's weapon, the monster Deimos.

It had only been two years since that day on Taygetos, Alexios was still gradually finding himself within the shell of Deimos. He still struggled with the occasionally violent outburst when provoked, or nightmares. They had thankfully, lessened as of late, his last nightmare had been just before he left on the Adrestia. He had come to take after his older sister becoming a mercenary. It was the only lifestyle it seemed he could be suited for now. Before, he had travelled together with Kassandra, however this was the first time he had been on his own due to her being a delicate condition. He was thankful for never having an episode while away. He had no intention of hurting his sister's friends onboard the ship.

"So how does it feel to return home?" Barnabas asked, his boisterous voice catching Alexios' attention.

"I'm...not sure." Alexios answered. "It's not something I'm used to."

"Perhaps with time you will." replied the soft voice of Herodotos, also accompanying Alexios' return to Sparta.

Alexios nodded silently, hoping that the old man would be right.

Both of Kassandra's friends had been willing to give her brother a chance, whether at her suggestion or not Alexios wasn't sure, nor did he care. He was thankful someone else outside his immediate family was willing. Slowly he had begun to befriend them as well. It wasn't hard to see why Kassandra enjoyed their company. Barnabas was bombastic, friendly, and his spirits never dampened. A welcome change from the fear, disgust, and coldness he had grown up with in the Cult. Herodotos was quieter, but patient. Alexios knew the man was insatiably curious, but he never asked uncomfortable questions. He would let Alexios open up on his own terms, at his own pace.

"How long has it been? Three months since you left these lands?" Herodotos asked.

"I think so." Alexios answered.

"Ha! By now you should be an uncle!" Barnabas cried.

He was right, when Alexios first left, Kassandra looked as if she was about to burst from her pregnancy. No doubt his niece or nephew had been born while he was away.

"You're right Barnabas. Hm, I wonder if I have a nephew or niece?"

"No matter, I'm sure they will the strongest warrior in all of Hellas!"

Alexios put on a mock face of offense before saying. "Only after ME of course!", causing the older men to chuckle.

Finally the three of them made it to the shared house of Kassandra and Brasidas, his sister carrying a large basket of fruit and vegetables inside.

"Good to see you're not fat anymore!" Alexios called out in a joking manner.

"I was not FAT! I was pregnant- Barnabas! Herodotos!" Kassandra turned and smiled seeing her old friends. "I didn't expect you two to come with Alexios."

"And miss out meeting the new member of the family? HA! Of course not!" Barnabas cried.

"I do hope motherhood has been kind to you Kassandra." Herodotos said.

"Well, it has been...surprising, and my biggest challenge yet. Please, come inside. I do hope you will be staying for dinner."

"Of course Kassandra, of course."

All three men followed her inside, finding Brasidas with the newborn twins, telling them various stories.

"By the Gods! You've had twins!" Barnabas exclaimed.

"How remarkable, congratulations to you both." Herodotos said, seeing the two swaddled bundles with Brasidas.

"Yes, twins. A boy and a girl." Kassandra replied.

"Like Apollo and Artemis!" Barnabas said. "You have truly been blessed!"

"Barnabas, Herodotos! It is good to see you here." Brasidas welcomed.

Kassandra sat the basket on the table in the kitchen before walking towards her husband, taking one of the twins, her daughter Zenais.

"Was Pater telling you exciting stories again little ones?" she asked, cradling her daughter who softly cooed in reply.

"Oh yes, I was telling them the story of how we met and fought in the Monger's burning warehouse." Brasidas said.

"Oooh how exciting!" Kassandra replied as her daughter giggled more.

Both parents brought their children to the older men, offering to let them hold their children.

"This is Zenais, in the red blanket." Kassandra said as she offered Barnabas the wrapped bundle.

"Awww look how small and cute she is!" He said, gently tickling the baby's nose, causing her to giggle and grasp at his finger.

Brasidas allowed Herodotos to hold the second child wrapped in white, "And this one is our little Leonidas. Though we sometimes call him Leon for short."

"Named for his great grandfather I see. Quite the legacy young one."

"Well, he was born with birthmarks resembling the constellation of Leo. It seemed to be fate." Brasidas replied. "And Zenais with an eagle shaped mark."

"Ah fate is a funny thing indeed. Who knows what these little ones will destined for." Barnabas responded.

"They'll be destined for whatever they choose, and a life full of love." Kassandra said.

Alexios stood by, quiet, letting the old man coo and fawn over the babies as if they were their own grandchildren. With how close they were to Kassandra, they might as well be. He felt rather awkward however, while he had been expecting to be an uncle for quite some time, it was still shocking to see. To know it was real, and not some distant dream he'd wake from. Alexios didn't know how to behave around, or approach a baby, leading to his sense of awkwardness. Something so innocent and fragile. He didn't even feel worthy to be in the same room as a newborn, let alone his own niece and nephew.

While the old men were happy to hold the newborns, Alexios made no effort to suggest he might want to. In truth, he was afraid to hold either of them. Afraid he'd hurt them, break them. Even though he had recovered immensely, he still felt unworthy to hold something so pure.

"Alexios?" Kassandra said, walking towards him. "Is something wrong?"

"I-I uh...never seen a baby before." he replied, quite sheepishly, shifting on his feet awkwardly.

Kassandra rolled her eyes, "Of all the things in the world that make you hesitate, it's a baby!" she chided. "It's ok, you won't hurt them by being in the same room. No need to be so anxious. This should be a good experience for you."

"I'm not so sure... But I hope you're right." he replied, cautiously walking over to them. He still dare not hold them.

Within a moment, his face changed from anxious hesitation, to curiosity.

"They're so small. And... pink." he said, looking down at his niece.

"Of course they are! They're BABIES Alexios." Kassandra replied. "Honestly they were much smaller and pinker three months ago when they were born."

Alexios glanced at her, a bit miffed at her tone. He just told her he'd had never seen a baby before, how was he supposed to know? He only knew they'd be small, but not quite how small, let alone pink and squishy looking.

A few hours had passed, dinner and wine was served and eaten, and numerous stories passed between everyone. The people and places Herodotos has seen, how Kassandra and Brasidas were adjusting to parenthood, the jobs Alexios had taken, and several of Barnabas' tall tales. A number of which he told with great enthusiasm to the twins who were both enraptured with his tales of monsters and gods; almost as if they already understood everything he said.

"They do love to be told stories." Brasidas had mentioned earlier. "Certainly helps calm them down when they get upset."

Meanwhile Alexios was still reluctant to make any sort of physical contact with either child. Although there was some sort of tugging in his heart to hold them. He wasn't sure why, but the longer he observed them, the more his curiosity grew, the more he wanted to hold them. However his fear and anxiety kept him from doing so, let alone asking.

As if she could read his mind, Kassandra spoke up.

"You know you CAN hold them, you don't have to just stare."

"No! No I uh...I can't- They're so...small and soft...fragile, I-I'd probably break them or-" he said, mild panic in voice.

Kassandra put her hand on his shoulder. "It's ok Alexios. You won't hurt them." she encouraged. "I know you won't. I trust you."

Those three little words, 'I trust you', meant so much to him in that moment. She trusted him, she trusted him with a NEWBORN. Kassandra never trusted easily, very few truly had her trust and confidence. If she said she trusted him, then she meant it and had every reason to.

He nodded, "Alright, if you say so."

"Alright then. Hmm, I think I've got an idea to help you feel less nervous. Wait here." Kassandra left the room and when she returned, in her arms were as many cushions, blankets, and pillows she could carry.

She placed them in a large pile on the floor, much the way she did so long ago as a child. Once she was satisfied she motioned for Alexios to come over.

"Sit here." she told him, and he did.

Kassandra walked over to the shared cradle the twins lie in, and picked up her son. She brought him over to Alexios.

"When I first held you as a baby, I was just as nervous as you. I thought I'd break you. So I did this." she gestured with a nod to the pile of pillows and blankets

"Oh.." Alexios hesitantly held out his arms, still nervous about holding his nephew.

"Don't worry Leon, your Uncle Alexios isn't as bad as Uncle Stentor." She said to her son and she gently placed him in Alexios' arms. Adjusting him where needed.

Alexios let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. The small, fragile, pink child looked up at him with large eyes. The same color as his father's Alexios noted.

"Chaire...little one." he said awkwardly, his nephew cooing softly in response.

"See? He likes you." Kassandra told him. She looked towards her brother and saw something in his eyes she'd never seen.

Alexios looked softer, his eyes held a touch of wonder, relief, it was as if holding his nephew brought something out in him he'd not been able to bring out beforehand. She has been right, this would be good for him.

As Alexios settled into holding a baby, he surprised his sister by gently stroking his nephew's face with the back of his forefinger. "So...soft" he remarked.

Leon reflexively held onto his uncle's finger when it was in reach, causing a soft smile to emerge on Alexios' face. "You will be a strong one." he whispered.

Kassandra smiled, happy to see her brother growing more confident in his ability to be soft, gentle, to be human again.

"You know," she began, "this was YOUR blanket once."

"What?"

"The baby blanket he's wrapped in. It was yours. Obviously we weren't expecting twins, so I had to improvise. I'd been given your old baby blanket by a priest in Argos."

Alexios felt the fabric between his thumb and index finger. Perhaps he was imagining it, but it somehow felt familiar. Like he was recalling a dream he had a long time ago.

"I see. It does almost feel...familiar."

Leon yawned, clearly growing sleepy in his uncle's arms. "Looks like he's growing tired."

"Well him and his sister have had a big evening. Meeting new members of the family, must be exhausting for a baby. Alright my little warrior, time for bed."

Gently Alexios handed Leonidas to Kassandra as she brought him to his crib, Brasidas following with Zenais.

"I believe it best we took our leave Alexios." Herodotos mentioned. "It was wonderful to see you again Kassandra, and meet your children."

"It was great to see you too." Kassandra replied. "I'd say I'd join you again on the Adrestia soon but..."

"Ah do not worry my friend!" Barnabas said, "You have a family to look after! The Adrestia will always be welcome to you. Perhaps next time your little ones can join us!"

Kassandra laughed, "Maybe in a few years Barnabas."

"You two can head back to the ship." Alexios said. "I think I'll stick around for a while. Still haven't seen Mater after all."

Both men nodded, taking their leave as they hugged Kassandra goodbye. He wasn't sure how, or why, but somehow seeing his niece and nephew made Alexios feel like he could call this place home one day. He actually felt like there was something here he could protect. Alexios WOULD protect them he silently promised. He would make sure what happened to him would NOT happen to the twins. Alexios knew their parents felt the same, and he'd help make sure the pair were protected and loved as well.

[survivenovascotia]

Episode 3 - AHHHHH -Heather

I hate Tiktok dances. Im not in shape enough for this but like 150 pts is 150 pts

So I come back from Oak Island and Kevin has been voted out. Excuse me but what? Kevin of all people. The dude was great in challenges and a loyal person. But apparently Sunshine and John said he’d be too controlling at a swap and possibly had an idol? What kind of lame ass excuse is that at the second tribal council? Darcy, Mac and Kyle were all in favour of keeping Kevin over Jessie. Which means that Sunshine, John and Dan have some kind of alliance going on there. I don’t imagine Jessie is really aligned with them and probably only worked with them to keep herself safe. I don’t blame her at all. However, we’re probably going to lose this next challenge (partly because of me throwing it oops) which isn’t the worst thing in the world. If Darcy, Mac, Kyle and myself all stick together, and none of us go to Oak Island (Kyle and myself can’t), the four of us would have the majority to vote out any of the other three who don’t go to Oak Island. And as of right now, I think John and Sunshine still feel like I’m on their side. So I’m a little bit in the middle right now. I’ve got my fingers crossed everyone else on the tribe can pull together a win but a whole ass person not submitting for this is definitely a huge disadvantage for us.

In my opinion, one of the most important things to be aware of while playing survivor is your threat level. You can't exactly be too big of a threat or else you'll get voted out, and you also can't be too little of a threat or else you'll just get taken to the end, or be seen as an easy vote. This is why the meat shield strategy is one of the best ways to play survivor; be a threat, but never the biggest threat. However, I'm not playing the meat shield strategy right now, because quite frankly I don't feel like I need to. I'm so under everyone's radar, that I don't see myself going home anytime soon. Also, since this is my first time playing, it's hard to get a read on who really is a meat shield and who isn't. However, I'll be sure to make big moves; just not too many to get targeted over anyone else.

IDK WHO IS SITTING OUT BUT SOMEONE WHO THOUGHT THEY WERE SITTING OUT AND I THOUGHT WAS SITTING OUT IS IN. IDK IF THERE IS TIME BUT I AM THE BIG ANXIOUS ABOUT THIS CHALLENGE NOW.

AHHHHH

Kevin going home was upsetting for me. Sunshine, Jessie, Dan and John are dead to me. I need to convince Keegan to join myself, Darcy and Kyle if any of us are gonna get anywhere in this game. I didn’t search for the idol yesterday because I was feeling sick and was upset with Kev leaving. I just don’t wanna go back to tribal. Otherwise I’ll be saying a few words at tribal.

I am very nervous for this challenge. Evan hasn't done anything so far , but if we lose, we need him as a number so we are stuck in a sticky situation. Livingston a while ago thought you only had to do a select few and I am worried because I don't want to lose  a challenge I worked so hard for just because people won't try. I hate having a for the tribe mentality because like I don't want to seem like a challenge threat but its more we have to work together and get as many points as humanly possible.

ok so this tribe turned into a literal mess. So i said i wanted to sit out of the challenge because i didn't have a lot of the items, and then i got ignored by like two members of the tribe which meant I was doing the challenge and evan and coco were sitting out. Honestly, I'm livid that I was ignored by people because that I take personally. I could care less about the challenge, even though I know i'd get like 6 points because i have papers and stuff to do. Luckily, we figured things out and evan is doing the challenge. If we win, awesome, but if we lose, I definitely have a couple people on my list. Luckily though, I'm in a 5 person alliance with Heather, Austin, Evan and Coco. That makes me feel safe at this specific time in the game, but I can't help but wonder who we will all vote for if we go to tribal tomorrow.

The dynamics right now are absolutely hilarious let’s breakdown: Heather: is currently having a panic attack bc this challenge is a mess & literally no one knows what they’re doing Eric: says ‘I’m not doing this’ then dips for like 20 hours. Evan & Coco are confirmed as sit outs, Eric gets mad at the hosts for some reason, & then forces himself to sit out. Evan: was confirmed as a sit out, dips for 20 hours because he thinks he’s not doing anything, comes back like ‘wait what’ & is hella salty Livingston: didn’t know that each person had to individually post everything Glo: is a angel her videos are killing me she is the comedic relief during these dark times. She also suggests we have one person go TWICE & have 3 sit outs LMAO Me: fucking cackling anytime anyone speaks in a passive aggressive tone We were supposed to be the tribe that loves each other now look what happened  

It honestly feels horrible not submitting a damn thing for a challenge because I am certain we’re going to lose because of it. But I don’t want to try my best in the challenge and have us still lose and then lose my vote at tribal. It’s just not worth it. On the plus side, even if we do lose the challenge Darcy, Kyle and Mac are all pretty down to blindside Sunshine for being snakey. So unless they change their mind right away and decide to axe me I should be in a good position.

My legs are sore and I made TIKTOKS to win by over 1000. Im..... I was gonna set a plan to get Livingston out but I mean I guess

We lost the challenge, surprise surprise. By a heck of a lot so I’m hella glad I accept the Oak Island challenge and didn’t submit for the challenge. It wouldn’t have even mattered. So we lose the challenge and shout our ho hums in tribe chat before it dies and everyone disperses to their quiet hidey holes to scheme against each other. And lo and behold Dan has immediately thrown my name out for not submitting in the challenge. Because I alone was the reason we lost. Whatever. Darcy is going under cover with Sunshine and Dan right now, Kyle is trying to act like a free agent and I’m sitting here twiddling my thumbs wondering why the minority of Sunshine, Dan and John aren’t approaching the one person who wasn’t at all involved in the Kevin tribal. They honestly aren’t that smart if they’re straight up ignoring the one impartial person. Whatever. I wouldn’t actually vote with them since they voted out Kevin who was fantastic and useful. (#RevengeForKevin). Also, since I completed my Oak Island challenge I now have an extra vote I can use up until the final 5! I shouldn’t have to use it this tribal, thankfully. It will probably come in handy during a swap!

Is this what its like to be on a successful tribe? So unused to this. This gives me time to think and bond more. I’m thinking my first instinct to be threatened by glo and aim for her was wrong, it might make more sense to get her onside and use her both as a shield but also as a scapegoat for targetting others? We’ll see. Still good with Heather and Austin as a core three, and Livingston and Chips would be a good pair to link with if needed. Hopefully if swap comes I’m with some of them.

I’m crying at the fact we killed at. Like all of us were actually scared of losing & arguing & causing chaos & it was all for nothing & it’s AMAZING Also glo is scaring me she’s getting clingy she’s like “you wouldn’t miss me if we swapped” and I’m like what she’s like “tehe I was JOKING silly 😜” and like. I’m sorry what. Maybe I’m overreacting but that type of language makes me v uncomfy. Ion know that really off put me I’m gonna take a break from socializing. I’m pretty sensitive to behavior like that so I feel like it’s healthy to distance

Birch and Tawni really sat there being like, yall won stop trying. I thought we were up for competition. Oh Well. I had fun!! We love scavenger hunts

Me, Kyle, Keegan and Darcy are a good 4. With Jessie going to Oak Island that leaves Sunshine, Dan and John vulnerable. Keegan shared to me that he won an Extra Vote at Oak Island, which he hasn’t shared with Kyle and (maybe) not Darcy. I’m worried because I feel like I’m the 4th and not the 1st. Kyle admitted Kevin was his closest ally. My idol hunt is going alright. Definitely progress made.

To Kyle, if you’re ever reading these one day. I take back everything I said. You are awesome.

Fuck losing every challenge so far that’s all I have to say

I’m not sure if I’m feeling sick because I’m just sick or it’s the stress from this vote. I don’t want to be out this early. I can’t be out this early. If Kyle, Darcy and Mac can be trusted then I’m definitely safe and John is going home. I think I can trust them. I hope I can trust them. Why are we playing so damn hard so early in this game? Everyone needs to chill out or we’ll end up like Matsing.

Going to tribal I feel safe but nervous about what will happen in the aftermath. My group of 4 are pretty chill and not budging. Bye John.

No Swap, Thank God!! I think im fairly decent at this type of challenge. I won an individual immunity in this challenge once but idk how ill do with a tribe.

Oh my god my alliance is now in control! Yeah boi. Sunshine being HELLA QUIET after John’s boot was spooky but, I mean, he can’t complain since he did the exact same thing last vote. My problem now is not being the 4th member of the alliance. I’m scared that people will see me as riding coattails. I mean controlling the idol hunt is a cute look.

Our tribe was on a roll and had won 2 challenges in a row. I was starting to get busy taking care of my crush, and because of this, I had to sit out. However, apparently two people stated they were sitting out before I did. But the thing is, I never knew that. So I decided to disconnect from skype for the day to be with the one I love. However, I turn on skype the next day, and I'm bombarded with messages telling me to do the challenge. This really overwhelmed me, but then I realized it was an opportunity. 

Glo realized how much of a sticky situation I was in, and she came to my help, and told me she would be with me until I finish it if she needs to. Ultimately I wouldn't have been able to finish the challenge if she hadn't helped me. She also played it up as if I stepped up for the team last second and made an impact. I still can't tell if she did this from the goodness of her heart, or if she did it for strategic reasons. But, I do think it was moreso strategic, because she did mention that after she helped me as much as she did, that we would have to be aligned. So because of that, her actions don't really mean as much to me as it should, and I will take out Glo if it's necessary and beneficial for my game.

[itinerantscribe-blog]

Day 10 of 56

So, what about today? Exhausted upon waking again but I am fairly confident of the explanation for this. In the meantime, the rain was still present. How lovely to wake to discover a friend is close at hand, even if of the non-human variety. I was up early, typically in these embryonic days of abstention, my delight at embracing a new day only marginally tempered by the fatigue that managed to withstand the cleansing assault of sleep. I worked almost at once, aware that the day was light of load and that there were no potholes foreseeable that might trip me up and impose a stressful burden upon shoulders that had no interest in fighting today. There was no real need to exit my walls at all this day, free will the only piston that might impel some outdoor activity. That said, at the hour of opening for my local coffee shop, I decided to exploit my friend’s ongoing benevolence and mask my excursion under the same mantle as that employed yesterday. Off I went, at speed of course, the rain ideal for the purpose, and by 8 am I was safely ensconced within the welcoming interior. There is something about the aroma that issues from the earth following a fine spray of rain, something familiar and nostalgic and fresh, another of those minor details, a bagatelle which can have such pleasant impact when accompanied by clarity of thinking. 

Returning to the bosom of my domicile, unladen of that work load already complete, I paused to reflect on this anxiety, this agoraphobia, this all of it that has for so many years and still plagued me so, as I have many times over the years but always with a divergent approach when free of alcohol’s influence. I once more tried to recall the early years, my age now advancing to a point wherein I cannot be entirely convicted of an accurate recollection of events now half a century and more old. I tried remembering the first conspicuous appearance of anxiety, and as always, the only immediate and earliest example that ever comes to mind is the playground episode when I was trying to steal Ladybird books to save my mother from her unavoidable death ( https://www.amazon.co.uk/LOSS-MOTHER-TRUE-STORY-ebook/dp/B00LERZ63Y ).  I don’t believe that I really believe that this is an example of the type of anxiety that really came to visit and take up residence many years later. I don’t believe so.

Which leads me, as always, to the relationship between alcohol and my ‘condition’. I suspect, text book psychology notwithstanding, that exposure to constant rows, a cold and barren home and role models for whom alcohol was as ubiquitous as oxygen are factors that are going to mould a child in a certain way, subject to that child’s interpretation,  sensitivity and other modifying elements. It is no surprise then, that the product of such an upbringing might later on present as an on edge individual, anxious and highly strung as a consequence of nurture thus applied. In the early years of adolescence, when my father still resided above ground albeit assiduously sowing the seeds of his own destruction at what with retrospect was an alarming pace ( https://www.amazon.co.uk/Loss-Father-Daniel-OLeary-ebook/dp/B00PUQ68V4 ), I do definitely recall my own personality, prepared to attempt anything to avoid the outbreak of a mini war at  home, placid and easy to please by disposition. I recall no anxiety, no problem going out and all in all, accepted my lot with a stoical perspective. Even the day of my father’s funeral, when the keys to my home were so savagely reclaimed by the aunt who would continue in residence for many years thereafter, exiling me to survive entirely on my own wits alone, I drove back to university in a borrowed car at high speed with not even a suggestion of inner discomfort.

Now it is true, that by this point, drinking was in the proverbial frame, but I could still have just a pint or two, always real ale, and desist and press on with other things. There was no suggestion at all, anywhere, at any time of a bubbling cauldron of anxiety or agoraphobia. University done, I went abroad, Italy, as a rep for a travel company. I glided through airports (oh happy days indeed...) without a care in the world, supermarkets? Big deal! Driving on motorways? In my sleep. But the drinking was at this point quietly escalating, however, it prevented me not one jot from functioning fully and fulfilling all the tasks that fell within my remit. I was the life and soul, care free, carousing, smoking, womanising, fun loving young man who was soaking up every morsel that life offered. I was no more hampered by panic than a tank could be hampered by a twig. Yes, I was a tank, bulldozing my way through life....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hjl-CDpDP9g

The change was slow at first, only over time becoming increasingly noticeable. I digress, enough of the chronological progression for now. Fast forwarding through the years, in the time I spent being therapised, in the time I spent therapising, I recognised only one consistently present communality amongst those souls so egregiously afflicted by anxiety and paralysing agoraphobia, and whilst this is not definitive nor even necessarily helpful, it is of some interest to me. Intelligence was not the link, stupidity neither, gender nope, age not a bit, the thread seemingly shared was sensitivity. Heightened sensitivity. Now it could be postulated that this feature is a consequence of the condition not a cause, but regardless of which way round it appears, diluting this sensitivity must de rigueur dilute the impact and severity of the condition itself.

Consider my state yesterday, my entire physiological system on red alert, not an uncommon event, just hard to predict, this inability to predict ultimately resulting in a permanent state of high tension, coiled spring, ready to go. At any point yesterday as I walked towards the library, I was ready at the drop of a hat to  roar into a sprint, to run away (run away from what?? I can’t outrun me!!), to move at electric pace fuelled by the constant accumulation of adrenaline. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVWqfoPQUcI

You just have to look at the common and oft cited symptoms of anxiety to recognise this scenario, the body working overtime, the perspiration, the elevated heart rate, the need to evacuate the bowel. Eyes darting, every sound magnified a thousandfold, modest illumination suddenly assuming the intensity of a flare in your face, these are just basic features of an episode. Constant tension. Horrible. Coffee of course, does not help but I still refuse to forego one of my few pleasures. I have discovered over the years, that the most effective, head and shoulders above the rest, the inarguably best result achieving device and antidote is exercise. Walking is fine, running is better, high intensity for me the best. This burns off the excess adrenaline, do enough exercise and the resultant fatigue just won’t allow entry to Mr P (Mr Panic), although to achieve a total bar of that nature requires a LOT of exercise. Get rid of the sensitivity, get rid of the condition, or at least contain it. No matter how hard you try to resist, not that presumably you would, exercise will create the chemicals, will burn the adrenaline, will automatically deal with the condition, like it or not. Better than brandy, better than Valium, better than anything. 

But what of the alcohol? How is it, how was it then that it could contrive, that I could allow it, a way into the interior of my dominion? How has it managed to construct a position of almost permanent residence? See, these elements are all independent, and yet conflate to create a seemingly unbreakable coalescent alliance. There are a myriad of factors at play here, but they can be unravelled and disentangled. One by one. But let us not forget one of the primary and pivotal ingredients. Choice. More about choice another time.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_HEnohs6yYw

My young friend sounded in fine mettle today. Her tone was an unmistakable indicator of her mood. Calm, collected, peaceful. I could hear it, she could hear it. I was calm too. I went out later in the day earlier to buy provisions. Whilst the heightened senses were still heightened, they are pretty much always heightened to some extent, they were much less today than yesterday. Who knows their complexion come the morrow? I was at all times ready to run away today (it so DOES amuse to re-read that, run away! Run away from what!!!???), but didn’t need too. My young friend and I have never had a conversation like the version of today. She is creative, more than I knew, although I am prepared to gamble that we have covered the same material previously but not ever before on a platform of mutual sobriety. Tomorrow we will meet, first meeting since our contract began, to consider our intentions, the levels of allegiance to our goal, the purpose of our enterprise. There is no obstacle on the path immediately in front of either of us, no event waiting to ambush us. We have a clear road ahead, a full tank of petrol and at least one of us is wearing sunglasses. The only danger on the horizon is boredom. This is a major threat. This is one of those threats that seem easy to defuse. This is really not easy to defuse. Danger close..... Day 10? DONE!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvKs2VLmVnY