#but engagement there has been real up and down lately lol

[pedroscurls]

training partners (pt. 4)

summary: you meet ryan reynolds and shawn levy, and hugh does his best to keep your nerves at bay. pairing: hugh jackman x fem!reader warnings: implied age gap (hugh is 55, reader is in late 20s-early 30s), reader has some description (hair, outfit), smut (oral - m receiving), shower sex (unprotected p in v, hugh bends you over ���), dirty talk, hugh briefly calling you a "good girl", no use of y/n. word count: 8.5k a/n: wow, this got filthy real fast but idc lol - i need it to fulfill my fantasies lol (thank you to the anons and @celestiamour who gave me these ideas!). i promise the story is progressing, just needed this little chapter lol. little fun fact about me - i'm also an 'amateur' photographer (who does specialize in engagement shoots, but also love taking landscape / street photography pics) and i've always dreamt of being an on-set photographer so here's to me living out my dream through this story (if you guys ever wanna see my photographs, i'd be so down to post them here too!). this is purely fictional! i mean no disrespect to hugh jackman (it's the only way i can live out my fantasies of this man lol). prev part. - next part.

Hugh wasn’t lying when he said his schedule would become much busier. It’s been a couple of months since meeting him and while he’s been very busy, he stayed true to his word and prioritized making time for you. When you both weren’t at the gym, he insisted on you staying at his place… and the man can be very convincing when he wants to be. 

He’s been traveling a lot and whenever he does get back, he goes straight to your apartment and spends the night. You’ve started to leave a few of your things at his house and he’s started to leave more of his things at yours. Even when he’s traveling and away from you, it never truly does feel like he’s gone. Physically, yes, but he makes time for you and it makes you feel special. 

Hugh’s heading back home today and you’re sitting on your couch, dressed in one of his t-shirts and panties with a throw blanket draped over your lap. You hear your phone go off and reach for it, seeing his name and the text he sends you: Coming up, baby. Can’t wait to see you. 

You’re about to send a reply before you hear a knock on the door. You grin excitedly, tossing the blanket to the side and standing up, lightly jogging to the door. You swing it open and see him standing there, looking very tired, but still so handsome, his eyes lighting up at the sight of you. 

“Hey, baby,” Hugh says, voice hoarse and low as he drops his duffle bag to step past the threshold and wrap his arms around your waist. He nuzzles his face against the side of your neck, letting out a sigh of relief. 

You smile against him, arms wrapped around his shoulders. “Missed you,” you whisper, kissing his cheek. “Come on in. Did you eat?” 

Hugh releases you and grabs his duffle bag, stepping back inside as you shut the door and lock it behind him. You follow him to your bedroom where he drops the bag on the floor near his side of the bed. He sits on the edge of the mattress and pulls you closer to him, to stand between his legs as he rests his forehead against your abdomen. 

“Not hungry,” Hugh says, looking up at you and taking notice of the shirt you’re wearing. His gaze darkens as he runs his fingertips along the sides of your bare legs, biting his lower lip. “This was a longer trip than intended,” he continues. “I’m sorry, love.”

Your fingertips stroke through his locks, eyes locked with his. “You don’t have to apologize. I understand. It’s part of this…” you motion between the both of you. “Part of us.” 

“Mm, how’d I get so lucky, huh?” Hugh asks, gripping your hips and pulling you onto his lap. 

You gasp quietly, feeling his length pressing against your core. “Hugh… You’re tired, baby.”

“Never tired for you, and seeing you in my clothes just does somethin’ to me,” he whispers, leaning up to press his lips against the side of your neck. His beard has grown out, having heard him say multiple times that he needed to shave. You like it though, the salt and pepper look, the scruff and the feel of it against your skin. He knows just how to use it to get you excited. “At least on my next trip, you’ll be coming with me. I can have you every day.” His hands move further underneath the shirt, running up along your back. 

“Hugh,” you whimper, feeling his teeth graze against your neck. Gently, you place your hands on his shoulders and push him onto his back. Slowly, you roll your hips against him, letting out a quiet moan against the fabric of his jeans. “Let me take care of you tonight. Is that okay?” 

“What’d you have in mind, baby?” Hugh pulls back to look up at you, a quiet groan escaping his lips as he feels you press further against his hardening length. 

Slowly, you climb off his lap and then sit up on your knees, biting your lower lip innocently. “Lean against the headboard,” you tell him. 

Hugh doesn’t even hesitate. He scrambles on your bed and sits up, leaning back against your headboard. He reaches the end of his shirt and pulls it over his head, tossing it to the side. Your mattress certainly isn’t as big as his, but you both make it work. His hands move to the button and zipper of his jeans, undoing them quickly as his eyes take in your frame and the position you’re in. You’re leaning forward on your hands, your tongue slowly darting out to lick your lower lip as your eyes move towards the center of his pants. 

Hugh’s exhausted and he knows he isn’t going to last long, but he has missed you so much. He knows that this relationship is still new and not that many people know about it, but the more he leaves you, the more he realizes that he wants more of this. He wants everyone in the world to know that you’re his and while he wants to make sure you’re comfortable and move at your own pace, he can’t help but feel excited to know that one day you’d both get there. 

“Take off your pants,” you tell him, slowly crawling towards him as he parts his legs for you.

“I kinda like this side of you,” Hugh smirks, pushing his pants and boxers down his legs and tossing them over the bed. He groans at the relief in pressure, looking down at himself to see his manhood at attention. He reaches down and grasps himself, holding onto his base and tugging a few times. 

You would never get over the sight of his manhood. So long and girthy, leaking at the tip, and hair at his base. Every time, you’re at a loss for words. He’s so beautiful and you try to show some restraint, wanting so badly to just wrap your lips around his length and gag–

“Come ‘ere,” Hugh calls out, breaking you out of your thoughts. “Take that shirt off, baby.” 

You nod and sit up on your knees, pulling the shirt off your body, now only clad in your panties. Slowly, you then crawl towards him, settling yourself between his legs as you gently push away his hand to replace it with your own. Once you wrap your fingers around him, barely able to grasp him in one hand, Hugh lets out a groan. You lean down, wrapping your lips around his tip and sucking the pre-come from his tip. 

His large hand moves to your hair, holding it away from your face as he leans his head back against the headboard. “God, baby,” Hugh moans. 

Your tongue swirls around his tip as your hand strokes his base. You love doing this for him, just as much as he loves going down on you too. Just like him, you’re always so crazed and yearning for more. You feel Hugh’s hand move to the back of your head, urging you to go further down his length. You slowly begin to bob your head and with each movement, going further and further until you feel his tip hit the back of your throat. 

Hugh lets out a loud moan at that, accidentally thrusting his hips upwards for more. He hears you gag and he has to pull you away for a moment so that you can catch your breath, eyes gazing down at you as he sees tears stinging the corner of your eyes. 

“Sorry. I got carried away,” Hugh pants, his manhood throbbing for more. “I just– You look–”

“Shh,” you interrupt him, placing your mouth back onto his cock and beginning to quicken your pace. Your head bobs up and down, going further until you feel the tip of your nose brush against the hair at his base. He’s so deep in your mouth and you’ve learned to relax your throat because the sounds that come out of him is something that you yearn for more of. 

Hugh lets out a litany of curses under his breath, hand gripping your hair as he watches you. Your hand pumps him in time with your mouth moving along him and he shuts his eyes, head hitting the back of the headboard as a loud moan escapes his lips. 

“Baby,” he growls, feeling the tightness build in his lower stomach. “Baby, I’m about to–” 

You interrupt him by lowering yourself until you hit the back of his throat again. You don’t slow down and you don’t make a move to pull away because you know that Hugh’s close and you want nothing more than to taste him and swallow. 

When Hugh realizes that you weren’t going to pull away, it’s enough to make him reach his climax. He holds your head down against him as his hips slightly lift upwards. You pull inches away, your mouth still around his length, as you feel his come in your mouth. You open your eyes to look up at him, lips slightly parted, eyes squeezed shut, chest heaving, as he releases his spend. 

You swallow immediately, tasting the salt of his release as you slow your movements. You continue to suck and stroke until he shudders, gently pulling you away from him as his manhood softens against his lower half. 

You sit up on your knees and swallow again, licking your lips as you stare up at him. You wipe the fallen tears away from your eyes, lips swollen as you tilt your head at the sight of him. Hugh slowly opens his eyes and stares at you, a small smile lining his lips. 

“That’s a nice thing to come home to,” Hugh smiles, lowering himself on your bed and pulling you into his arms. “That was amazing.” 

You smile, leaning up to kiss his shoulder. “I can’t help myself sometimes. You’re just so–” you stop yourself, biting your lower lip. “Anyway, I’m glad you’re home.” 

“I’m glad I’m home too, baby.” Hugh kisses the crown of your head and pulls you against his chest. 

You try to pull away from him to grab the shirt from the floor, but he just pulls you back to him. “Hugh,” you giggle. 

“No,” he smiles sleepily. “You don’t need a shirt.”

“What if I get cold?” 

“I’ll warm you up,” he says softly, leaning over to kiss your temple. “I really did miss you, love.” Hugh’s eyes slowly fall shut, feeling completely satisfied and relieved to be with you now. 

“I missed you too, Hugh,” you respond, head resting against him. “Get some sleep, baby.” 

Hugh nods and within minutes, his snores begin to fill your small room. 

—

Hugh decides to stay at your apartment for the next few days and it gives you a glimpse of what a “normal” life would be like with him. You know that you’re set to meet Shawn and Ryan soon and as the day nears, you feel your nerves begin to settle in the pit of your stomach. You don’t tell Hugh though, not wanting him to have to worry about you. 

“So,” you tell him, trying to think of anything else but the meeting with Shawn and Ryan. “I was thinking we can tell our trainer about… You know, about us.” 

Hugh’s eyes light up, turning to look over at you. You’re both sitting on your couch, his arm draped over the back of it as you snuggle against his side. “Yeah?” Hugh can’t help the excitement bubble within him. He knows you’re still a bit wary about this relationship, but if he had it his way, he’d let the whole world know you’re his. “Are you sure, baby?” 

You nod, looking up at him as an arm drapes over his midsection. “Besides, I think she already knows. It’s not like you try to hide it when we’re at the gym.”

“Me?” Hugh playfully gasps, looking into your eyes. “You’re the one who can’t keep their eyes off of me.”

You roll your eyes. “Okay, we both know that’s a lie,” you tell him, though, you know you’re only lying to yourself.  

“Is it though, baby?” Hugh smirks, pulling you onto his lap as he looks up at you, hands resting on your thighs. “You do this thing, and I’m almost certain you have no idea you’re doing it.” 

“And what’s that, hm?”

“You bite your lower lip,” Hugh grins, bringing a hand up to run the pad of his thumb across your lower lip. “When your eyes zero in on my arms… especially when we’re doing biceps.” 

You narrow your eyes at him, bringing your arms to drape over his shoulders. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” you say innocently. 

“Oh, so now we wanna act all innocent? You were all talk a minute there,” he chuckles, arms wrapping around your waist and pulling you closer. 

“Okay, hush you,” you smile, burying your face against the side of his neck. He holds you like this for a few moments, but he can tell there’s something else on your mind. He runs his hands along your back and up your shoulders, and back down to your waist. He can feel the tension in your shoulders, can hear the quiet sigh that escapes your lips, your breath fanning against the side of his neck.

“What’s up?” he asks quietly, slowly pulling you back so that he can look into your eyes. “What’s on your mind, love?” 

“Nothing,” you tell him, shrugging a shoulder. 

Hugh sighs. “You’re a terrible liar, d’ya know that?” 

You roll your eyes. “I’m not lying.” 

He lets out a quiet chuckle and brings a hand up to your cheek, gently cupping it. “Talk to me. What can I do to help ease that mind of yours?”

“How do you know something’s bothering me?”

Hugh sighs, tilting his head. “You know, I’m very observant. Especially when it comes to you.” 

“Ah, so you stare too.”

Hugh chuckles lightly, knowing that this is only your way of trying to lighten the mood. “Well, obviously, but that’s besides the point. I don’t know how I can ease that mind of yours if you don’t talk to me, baby. We talked about this already…” 

“I know,” you sigh. “I know. I just don’t want to burden you with my problems and–”

“Your problems are my problems, baby,” Hugh says seriously. “Let me help you. What’s going on?” 

“I’m just nervous,” you tell him. “Meeting Ryan and Shawn… I just don’t want to disappoint them and what if they realize that my work isn’t even that great and then also, it’ll be the first time I’m meeting your friends and–” you ramble, feeling him lean in to peck your lips. 

“Okay, first of all,” he says, pulling away. “Your work is absolutely amazing and they already know that. And second, as long as I’m happy, that’s all that matters to them. Just be you, baby. That’s what got me in the first place,” he smiles. “Don’t try to be anyone else, but you. You make me happy and I haven’t felt this way in a very long time. That means something to me.” 

You nod, looking deeply into his eyes. You can sense there’s something else he wants to say because you also want to say it too, but it’s too early. It’s only been a couple of months and you don’t want to scare him away, but you’d be lying if you said that your feelings for him weren’t getting any deeper… 

Because it was. 

And you’re afraid to fall because you know that if you do, there’s truly no going back.

“I just–” you sigh, leaning in to press your forehead against his. “I just want you happy.”

“I am happy, baby,” he replied quickly, lightly pecking your lips. “I’m happy with you, love. You’ll be okay,” he promises. “Besides, I’ll be there with you.”

You nod and wrap your arms around his shoulders tightly, burying your face against the side of his neck. Hugh’s hands come up to your shoulders and he can feel a tremendous difference. There’s still some tension, but it’s certainly not like how it was before. 

“Okay, I believe you,” you tell him, pulling back to look down at him. “Should we go get ready for the gym?” 

Hugh nods, standing up from the couch with you holding onto him. You smile down at him, legs wrapped around his waist as you lock your ankles together at his lower back. He holds you up against him, leading you down the hallway to your bedroom. 

“If I wasn’t training to get back into shape for the Wolverine, I’d take you right here,” he says quietly, leaning in to pepper kisses along your neck. 

“We literally had sex earlier this morning,” you tell him with a giggle, hands playing with his hair at the nape of his neck. 

“Do you know what you look like?” Hugh says, gently setting you on your feet once you both get to your bedroom. “You make me feel young again,” he teases. 

“Ah, right,” you tell him, grabbing the ends of the shirt you’re wearing and pulling it over your head, tossing it in his direction. “I forget you’re such an old man,” you tease, walking shirtless to your closet to change into your workout clothes. 

Hugh’s gaze darkens and he strides over to you, wrapping his arms around your waist from behind. His hands come up to cover your breasts, kneading them into the pit of his palms. “How about I just bend you over right across your dresser and just–”

“Hugh!” you whimper pushing back against him. “We have to get to the gym.”

Hugh grunts and then pulls away, turning you around so that he can look at your exposed chest. “Fine,” he says with a huff. “But after our workout, we’re coming back here and you’re gonna let me have my way with you.”

“Oh, I’m gonna let you, huh?” you grin, running your hands across his hardened chest. 

“Yeah, you are,” Hugh growls, stepping closer to you and wrapping an arm around your waist to pull you flush against him. “Now, go and get ready or else we’re never going.” 

You turn around to grab clothes and feel Hugh smack your backside, causing a gasp to escape your lips. You look over at him and he’s staring at you with a grin and winks in your direction before walking away to let you finish getting ready.

—

You and Hugh are both halfway through your workout, both already drenched in sweat from yet another tough workout from your trainer. You get a brief break and walk up to your trainer, taking a deep breath. This will be the first person that you’ll be telling about your relationship and you’re a bit nervous. It still feels surreal to say (or even believe) that you’re in a relationship with Hugh Jackman. 

“Hey you,” your trainer says, smiling in your direction. “Great first half of the workout.”

“Yeah right,” you laugh quietly, using your towel to wipe the sweat off your brow. “I felt like that just kicked my ass. Listen, I wanted to tell you something and…” 

A knowing grin lines her lips. “What’s that?” 

Your eyes narrow in her direction, tilting your head. “Why are you looking at me like that?” 

“No reason,” she chuckles. “What did you want to tell me?” 

You look over your shoulder at Hugh who’s looking down at his phone and your eyes linger on his arms, especially his arms. When he looks up at you, he winks in your direction and you clear your throat, turning your attention back to your trainer. “So, Hugh and I… We’re in a relationship… It’s still new, but–”

“I knew it,” she interrupts you with a larger smile. “You guys don’t make an effort to hide it, you know,” she laughs. “You stare at him a lot.”

“Okay, let’s never tell him that because he won’t ever let me live it down if you do,” you laugh. “But, I’m really happy. Like extremely happy and I’m afraid I’m going to end up self-sabotaging it because I don’t know what a healthy relationship looks like, but he’s… He’s amazing.” 

“Take it day by day,” your train responds. “You deserve a good man and Hugh’s definitely one of the good ones. Let yourself be loved the way you deserve,” she tells you. 

“Thank you,” you reply, pulling her into a hug. “You know just all the right things to say, you know that?” 

She hugs you tightly and then releases you, smiling at you. “Lots of experience. Now, let’s get back to the workout.” 

—

By the end of the work out, you’re lying on the mats trying to catch your breath. You’re about to stand up before you feel Hugh hover above you in a high plank position, his hands resting above your head at shoulder-width distance. 

“Care to motivate me to complete my finisher?” he grins, looking down at you as he tightens his core to keep himself upright. 

“I don’t think I can even move,” you chuckle, looking up at him. “That workout was–”

“Don’t gotta move, baby,” he winks, pushing himself down in a push-up, chest hovering inches above yours as he leans down to peck your lips. “Just motivate me with your kisses, can you do that for me?” 

“That’s gonna motivate you?” you tease. “And how in the hell are you holding this push-up position?” 

Hugh just chuckles and then pushes himself back up. “Just answer the question. Every time I come down, gimme a kiss. Seems easy enough, isn’t it?” 

“If I must,” you wink. “Now, come on then. Finish this last exercise so you can take me back home and have your way with me,” you repeat. 

Hugh’s eyes narrow, pushing himself down into a push-up. You meet him halfway and lean up to peck his lips before he pushes himself upright. He continues this for a few more reps, but you’re beginning to distract him because you bring your hands up his chest to his shoulders and down his flexed arms. 

“I have one more set, baby, stop that,” Hugh says, pushing himself down and pecking your lips. He notices the look in your eyes and he can feel himself stirring within his shorts. “You’re not helping me,” he chuckles. 

“I think I’m helping you plenty,” you reply. “But are you helping me?” 

Hugh pushes himself down once more, but moves his head to the side of your neck as his lips brush against you. He feels you shudder against him and let out a shaky breath. He barely pushes himself back up as he moves to hover his lips closely over yours. “I will be after this.” 

“Mmm, promise? Because all I’ve been able to think about is you bending me over and–”

Hugh growls and moves into a high plank once more. He looks down at you, watching as you bite your lower lip. He doesn’t bother replying to you, wanting to just finish his last set of this exercise so that he can just take you back home. 

“Okay, get on up and meet me in the car while I finish this.” 

“You don’t need me to motivate you anymore?” you ask innocently, batting your eyelashes at him.

Hugh shakes his head and then stands up, reaching down to pull you on your feet. His hand darts out to rest on your hip, giving it a gentle squeeze. He has to remind himself that you’re both still at the gym and while your trainer isn’t in the same room, he can’t just take you here. 

“Go to the car and wait for me there,” he repeats. 

“Or… what?” 

Hugh lets out a low growl, gaze darkening. He steps closer to you, pulling you flush against him at the same time as his lips hover near your ear. He whispers quietly, voice laced with desire and it shoots straight to your core. “Oh, baby, are we not gonna be a good girl today?” He nudges against you, hand dipping from your hip to move around your lower back, inching further to grasp your backside. “Because I’m sure you remember what happens when you ain’t being good.” 

“But, what if I like being bad?” 

“Then don’t whine and beg for me to let you come,” Hugh says with a husky voice. You can feel chills wash over your body as you pull back to look up at him, eyes narrowing in his direction. “Now, meet me in the car. I’ll be there shortly.” 

You want to call his bluff, but you just want him so badly that you move away with a huff. “Fine,” you tell him, turning around to grab your bag. He reaches for your hand for a moment, his touch soft and gentle in comparison to the words he just said as he pulls you back to him. 

“Gimme a kiss at least.”

“So needy, so demanding,” you tell him, leaning up on your toes to peck his lips. 

“Yeah, we’ll see who’s needy later.” he replies almost instantly. 

—

The ride back to your apartment was quick. You can tell Hugh was trying to get back to your place in record time. His right hand remained on your upper thigh, but throughout the entire ride, he didn’t say anything. You know where his mind had drifted to, what he was probably thinking because when you reached over to rest your own hand on his thigh, he just grabbed your wrist and pushed it away. 

“No, baby,” was all he said. The moment he pulls into his parking spot at your apartment complex, he quickly climbs out to grab your bags from the trunk. You step out of the car and begin walking towards your door, looking over your shoulder at Hugh whose eyes are staring directly at you.

And once inside your apartment, Hugh drops both of your bags and shuts the door with his foot. The moment you both remove your shoes, Hugh is on you. His arms wrap around your waist, head dipping down to press light kisses on the side of your neck. He pulls you flush against him and he hears you gasp, knowing that you can feel his hardening length beneath his shorts. 

“Hugh…” you whimper, arms snaking around his shoulders. “Can we–”

“Shh,” Hugh interrupts, lifting you in his arms as you quickly wrap your legs around his waist. He begins walking down the hallway towards your bedroom until he feels your lips on his neck, gently biting down and sucking on the skin afterwards. 

Suddenly, Hugh stops and turns you so that your back is pressed against the wall. He pulls back to look at you, grabbing your hands and pressing them roughly against the wall above your head. Your legs remain tightly wrapped around him, rolling your hips slowly as you yearn for friction, yearn to feel more of him. 

Hugh’s gaze is filled with lust as he stares at you, gripping your wrists as he leans forward, nose nudging against yours. “I should punish you for not listening to me earlier, for teasing me…” Hugh says, his breath fanning against your lips. 

“But?” you ask, tilting your head as you squeeze him closer to you. “But you’re too nice and won’t do that, right?” you smile, letting out a quiet giggle. 

Hugh shakes his head and rests his forehead against yours. “You’re really testing me, aren’t ya? And you know exactly what you’re doin’.”

“I have an idea,” you tell him, leaning in to gently nip at his lower lip. “How about we take a shower and… and see what happens?” 

Hugh lets out an involuntary groan, just thinking and imagining bending you over in your shower or even just holding you up in his arms like this while the water cascades down your bodies. He suddenly sets you back onto your feet, releasing your wrists as he looks down at you. 

“Lead the way then, baby.” 

“Yeah?” you ask excitedly, eyes lighting up in anticipation. Without waiting for him to reply, you grab his hand and lead him towards your bedroom and into the connected bathroom. Once inside, you release your hold on him and lean over the tub to let the water run so that it can heat up. You reach out to test the temperature, feeling the water hit your hand. When you turn back to Hugh, he’s already stripped down to his boxers with an obvious bulge beneath it. 

Your eyes take in his frame, moving along his chiseled and muscular upper body and down to the waistband of his boxers. You swallow quietly, hooking your thumbs into the waistband of your shorts and pulling it down your legs. Hugh stands there, watching you undress as he moves his boxers down his own legs. He lets out a groan of relief, hand immediately reaching down to grasp onto his throbbing length to stroke himself slowly. 

Your clothes pool at your ankles as you stand before him, completely naked and bare, watching as he strokes himself at the mere sight of you. You feel a wetness pool between your legs, throbbing and yearning to wrap around something. 

Hugh takes the initiative to step inside the shower, the water instantly hitting his sore muscles and the heat of the water doing its job to provide relief. He watches you step inside with him and immediately, he reaches out to grab you and pull you flush against him. The water cascades down both your bodies from above as you reach up to stroke back your wet hair and see Hugh do the same. You lean up on your toes and slowly press your lips against his, moving it almost instantly as you feel his manhood stir and throb against your lower abdomen.

His hands move down your wet back and to your backside, gripping both cheeks tightly in his large hands as he feels your breasts push against him. He’s throbbing so painfully that he knows he can’t tease you and drag this out long enough to have you begging because he needs to be inside of you now. 

Slowly, Hugh pulls away to look down at you. Eyes searching your own and it’s in this moment that Hugh feels like this can be something so much more than he expected it to be. He reaches up to cup your cheek, thumb brushing against you as the water continues to trickle down your bodies. 

“Absolutely beautiful,” he whispers. 

When Hugh’s gaze softens like this, eyes staring deeply into your own, it almost feels like you know what he’s thinking, what he wants to say but doesn’t. You feel his thumb move down your cheek until the pad of his thumb brushes lightly along your lower lip, causing your lips to part instinctively. 

“Hugh, I–” 

He interrupts you with a soft kiss on your lips. “I know, baby. I’m gonna take care of you.” Then, he turns you around, eyes drifting down your back to your backside. Hugh then moves a hand to your middle back and slowly guides you to bend over as you reach out to rest your hands on the shower wall in front of you. 

Hugh grasps himself and runs his tip along your folds, growling to himself. He uses his free hand to rest on your hip, fingertips digging into your flesh as he slowly slides into you. Your warmth and tightness surrounds him and he forces himself to keep the slow pace, your moans mixing in with the sounds of the water. He reaches up to take hold of your wet hair in his grasp, tilting your head slightly to the side so that he can see your face. 

You moan loudly at the feel of him stretching you out. You don’t think you’d ever get used to his size, but despite the painful stretch in the beginning, you know that your walls will slowly begin to give way for him. And you’re always dripping wet for him that he just slides right in and this is certainly no different. 

When Hugh fills you to the hilt, he has to remain still for a moment because you’re gripping him so tight that he knows once he starts to move, he won’t be able to stop until he reaches his high. But he suddenly feels you move back against him, eyes immediately drifting down to your backside as this position gives him such an amazing view. He moves his hand from your hair to your hip as both hands grip you and begin to move you back and forth on his hardened length. 

Your moans filter into the bathroom, the steam from the shower encompassing the entire bathroom. As Hugh pulls you back against him, he pushes his hips forward, groaning to himself at the sensation of your warmth. Hugh will never get enough of this, of you. He’s had plenty of conversations with Ryan about you, about how he can see himself falling so deeply in love with you that it not only scares him, but also excites him too. 

“Hugh…” you moan, reaching back to grab a hold of his forearm as your nails dig into the skin. His thrusts are slowly beginning to pick up in speed, the sound of skin slapping against one another now mixing in with the sounds of your moans and the water that has now turned cool. 

“Oh, baby,” Hugh groans, taking your hand and holding it firmly against your lower back. He pulls back, looking down at where you’re connected and it turns him on even more. Your slickness coats his entire length and he pushes back into you with ease, your walls giving way to his girth but still so tight around him.

You feel your body begin to tremble as Hugh’s thrusts bring you closer and closer to the edge. As you’re about to reach your high, you quickly pull away from him, his length slipping out of you with ease. You turn around to face him, biting your lower lip as Hugh looks at you with a confused look.

“You were close, weren’t you?” Hugh smirks, stepping closer to you. 

“Sorry, it was too much and I–”

Hugh presses his lips against yours and then lifts you up into his arms, allowing your legs to wrap around his waist with ease. He uses his free hand to reach down to grasp his base, lining himself at your entrance. He pressed your back against the shower wall as he slowly slides back into you, growling against your lips. 

Your arms wrap around his shoulders as your fingernails dig into the skin at his upper back. He wastes no time in thrusting up into you, his hands resting underneath you. He’s careful not to slip, even with the water continuing to run down but he needs you to to come, needs to see and hear you. Slowly, he pulls away from your lips, forehead instead resting against yours as your lips brush against his. 

“Come for me, baby,” Hugh whispers, driving his hips upwards. The muscles in his arms and chest flex as he holds you up against the wall, pulling his hips back only to push them back towards you, his length kissing that sweet spot within your depths repeatedly. 

Your walls begin to tighten around his length and you squeeze your legs even tighter around him to pull him closer to you as your nails drag down his back. “Hugh!” You hold onto him tightly, feeling his movements become more erratic. 

Hugh buries his face against the side of your neck, teeth dragging along your skin as he feels himself get closer and closer to the edge. He feels you tighten even further around him and he pulls out abruptly to shoot his release in the inside of your thigh. 

You stare at him, completely breathless as you lean forward to peck his lips lightly. “We didn’t even shower,” you tease, panting against him.

Hugh chuckles, nudging the tip of his nose against yours. “Worth it,” he replies. “And you called my bluff… I just couldn’t tease you and have you beg when all I wanted to do was just be inside of you.”

“Good…” you smile, slowly unwrapping your legs around his waist so that you can fully stand upright. Your legs feel a bit wobbly, bracing yourself on his shoulders as his hands move to your hips. “Because I’d have been a mess if you left me begging.”

“Mmm,” Hugh grins. “That doesn’t sound too bad. Maybe next time,” he winks. “Now, come on. Let’s get cleaned up, love.”

—

For the rest of the week, you’re spending it at Hugh’s place. It’s easy how you both can slip into a routine with each other and how well you both coexist. Even though this relationship is still very new and in the beginning stages, you’re starting to see exactly how easy you can fit into Hugh’s life. You still have some reservations, still nervous that this might not work out, but the more time you spend with him, the more you realize that this is something you’d want to give a chance for the possibility of being something greater than you ever imagined. 

You’re set to meet Ryan and Shawn tonight and you’re nervous. Knowing that Hugh would be there with you does ease your mind, but this is the first step in truly seeing if you can fit into his life. 

You’re in the kitchen, whisking pancake batter in a bowl to cook breakfast for you and Hugh. You’ve gotten used to wearing his clothes and this morning is no different because you’re just dressed in one of his black t-shirts and nothing but. You’re so deep in thought, focused solely on making breakfast that you don’t hear him coming down the stairs and it isn’t until you feel his arms wrap around you from behind that it pulls you out of your trance. 

“Morning, baby,” he whispers, leaning down to kiss the side of your neck. “Making me breakfast?”

“Mhm,” you nod. “Protein pancakes and then some scrambled eggs.” 

You turn your head and kiss his cheek, smiling in his direction before you continue to whisk the batter. 

“You spoil me,” he smiles. “I’m going on a run with a few friends, but I should be back by the time you’re done.” Hugh then pulls away from you to grab a glass of water as you turn to look at him. He’s dressed in a fitted white t-shirt and a pair of black sweatpants, tennis shoes, and a hat. Your eyes take in his frame, lingering at his arms and chest and down his legs. It isn’t until he clears his throat that you finally look up at him who’s staring at you with a knowing smirk. 

“What’s on your mind, hm?” Hugh grins. 

“You just look…” you bite your lower lip, reaching down to play with the end of your (his) t-shirt. “I like seeing you in a white t-shirt and the one you’re wearing is literally about to rip. It’s so tiny!” 

“It is not,” Hugh chuckles, eyes lingering on your frame as well. “I’m just getting bigger…”

“Oh, I’ve noticed,” you grin and walk towards him, hands running across his chest as you feel him flex underneath your fingertips. “I like you either way, but seeing you get into shape as Wolverine again is just…” 

Hugh leans down and pecks your lips, hand moving down to your hip. “Oh, I know. You practically stare at me every chance you get.” 

“Do you blame me?” 

“Not at all…” Hugh smiles, staring deeply into your eyes. “But that’s only because I stare at you every chance I get too.” 

“We’re quite the pair, aren’t we?” 

“I’d say the best pair,” Hugh says softly. “You ready for tonight?” 

You shrug and move your arms to wrap around his shoulders. “No, I’m nervous… But I think knowing that you’ll be there helps a bit.”

“Just a bit?”

You smile. “Oh yeah, a very tiny bit.” 

Hugh’s eyes narrow. “If I’m only gonna help a tiny bit, then I might as well not go with you.”

“No!” you say immediately, shaking your head. “Don’t do that. I need you there.”

“Ah, so more than a tiny bit.”

“Yes,” you laugh quietly. “Since you’ll be there, I know I’ll be okay.” 

“You’d be okay with or without me there,” Hugh reassures. “But I’m happy to spend time with you, Ryan, and Shawn tonight.”

“It’s going to be very casual, right?”

Hugh nods. “Very casual.” he pecks your lips lightly and then pulls away. “I better get going. I’ll be back soon, baby.” 

“Have a good run, Hugh,” you tell him, hands slowly sliding down his arms before you move back to the task at hand. Your eyes focus on whisking the batter as you move around in his kitchen to grab the necessary things you need to complete breakfast. Hugh watches you for a brief moment, eyes filled with so much love and appreciation that for a split second, he wants so badly to tell you what has been on his mind since his last trip. 

But he doesn’t. 

Not yet. 

—

You’re staring at yourself in the mirror, dressed in a pair of high waisted denim pants with a black, loose fit collared v-neck knitted sweatshirt. Your makeup remains light and natural and you play nervously with the black belt on your pants. 

Hugh comes up from behind you, dressed just as casually in a pair of black jeans, black t-shirt with a black bomber jacket over. He wraps his arms around you from behind, resting his chin against the side of your neck. 

“You look amazing.” Hugh smiles. “You ready to go?” 

“I’m nervous,” you admit. “Not only do I want them to like my work, but there’s a bit of added pressure because they know we’re together and they’re both your closest friends and–”

Hugh quietly hushes you with a gentle kiss against your temple. “They already like your work,” he reassures you. “And I talk about you all the time. It’s like they already know you.” 

“I don’t know if that helps me or not,” you tell him honestly. “I just–” You turn around to face him, looking up at him. “I just really like you and I want to get along with your friends, even if they are really fucking famous and–”

“Stop,” Hugh says, gently resting his hands on your hips. “Just think of it as a night out with friends. We’re gonna grab dinner and a couple of drinks and then call it a night.” 

“What if you realize that I’m actually not all that great and then rethink this entire relationship?”

“Okay,” Hugh sighs quietly and rests his forehead against yours, eyes staring deeply into yours. “I like you, a lot, baby. I know this is still new for us, but there’s nothing I want more than to be with you.” He brings a hand up to your cheek, thumb brushing against your soft skin. “Just be you.”

“But what if–”

“Nope,” he interrupts. “What does our trainer tell you?” He tilts his head, eyes gazing into your own. “Ah, yes. Self-talk, baby. You gotta treat yourself just as kindly as I see you treat others.” 

“Okay,” you nod, letting out a quiet sigh. “We should probably go before I talk myself out of it.” 

“Oh, I wouldn’t let you back out,” Hugh smiles, taking your hand and leading you out of the bathroom. Your heels click against the tile floor as you follow Hugh downstairs. “We’re taking a car tonight. I know you still want to keep this relationship under wraps from press, so I figured–”

“Thank you, Hugh.” you say softly, following him out of his house and towards the black SUV parked out front. “You think of everything, don’t you?”

“I just want my girl to be comfortable and happy,” Hugh smiles. 

My girl. 

You slide into the car and immediately greet the driver, who looks at you from the rearview mirror with a shocked expression. Hugh slides in right next to you and shuts the door, hearing you make small talk with the driver and he smiles to himself. It baffles him how kind, sweet, and considerate you are to other people, but to yourself, it’s a very different story. He wishes he can make you see just how amazing you are or make you see the way he sees you. 

Hugh also chimes in on the conversation as the driver begins driving away from Hugh’s house and towards the city. His hand moves to rest on your thigh, looking down at you with a small smile on his lips. He leans in and kisses the side of your head, feeling your hand move to cover his own. 

It doesn’t take long before you and Hugh arrive at the restaurant. You look outside and let out a breath of relief, glad that you don’t see one paparazzi as Hugh steps out first. He reaches a hand out for you and you tell the driver to have a good night before you take Hugh’s hand and climb out after him. 

He leads you inside and immediately spots Ryan and Shawn at the corner of the restaurant, waving in both of your directions.

“Just be you,” Hugh repeats, whispering into your ear as you follow closely behind him. 

“Well, look who finally decided to show up,” Ryan teases, hugging Hugh as you bite your lower lip. You watch him greet Shawn before he turns to you, a large smile on his lips. He rests a hand on your lower back, urging you closer to the table. 

“And this is…” Hugh smiles, saying your name as he introduces you to Ryan and Shawn.

“Okay, you’ve told us a lot about her, but you didn’t say she was this beautiful,” Ryan replies, causing a quiet chuckle to escape Hugh’s lips. You feel heat rise in your cheeks as you instinctively lean against Hugh for comfort, for support. 

Just be you. 

Just be you.

Just be you.

You take a deep breath and then reach your hand to shake Shawn and Ryan’s hands, smiling up at them. “I’m eager to hear what things he’s said about me if beautiful wasn’t part of it,” you tease. 

Hugh shakes his head and pulls out your chair, waiting until you sit down before he takes his spot next to you. Ryan and Shawn sit across from you, already each with a drink in front of them. 

“I like you,” Ryan chuckles. “I’m Ryan.” 

“I’m Shawn.”

You smile and feel Hugh’s hand move to rest casually on your thigh. You don’t realize how much it brings you comfort and you glance up at him for a moment before you turn your attention to Shawn and Ryan. 

“I’m a huge fan of you both… And I’m excited to join you for the movie,” you tell them. 

“Oh, Hugh’s shown us some of your work and it’s impressive. I can’t believe you only do engagement shoots,” Shawn says, his eyes lighting up. “I mean, those are great too, but your landscapes and street photography are amazing.” 

“I still can’t believe it,” you tell him, laughing quietly. “I mean, I’m just a woman with a camera–”

“Who takes fucking awesome pictures,” Ryan finishes for you. 

“He’s right. We’re excited to have you join us too.” Shawn adds. 

Hugh smiles proudly in your direction, looking around the table as you continue to have a conversation with both Ryan and Shawn. He envisioned this so clearly, how well you fit in in his life and to see it firsthand, it makes him feel the love he has for you bloom in his heart. 

He looks over at Ryan, who’s staring back at him with a knowing grin. Hugh narrows his eyes, tilting his head before he interrupts you and Shawn briefly. 

“Ryan and I are gonna grab a drink at the bar. What d’ya want, baby?” 

“White wine, love,” you say almost instantly, your pet name for him coming out naturally that it causes you to blush. 

Hugh grins at that and then stands up with Ryan, walking towards the bar. He feels Ryan place a firm hand on his shoulder and he looks over at the other man, letting out a quiet chuckle. 

“Okay, out with it. I know you have something to say.”

“What? Me?” Ryan playfully gasps then laughs quietly. “I’ve got nothing,” he lies.

Hugh’s eyes narrow. “We both know that’s a lie. What is it?” 

Ryan smiles genuinely. “You’re happy.” 

“I am, mate. She makes me happy,” Hugh replies almost too quickly. He glances over his shoulder at you, seeing you in such natural conversation with Shawn. He doesn’t see the tension in your shoulders, doesn’t see the concern or anxiety in your features; you’re completely relaxed and comfortable. 

“And she’s great,” Ryan adds. 

“She is, isn’t she?” Hugh smiles. “I think…” he sighs, biting the inside of his cheek. “I think I’m falling in love with her, Ryan.” 

“Oh, I could have told you that,” he chuckles. “Does she know?” 

Hugh shakes his head. “No, no. It’s still too early. I don’t– I don’t want to scare her away.” 

Once at the bar, Ryan raises a hand in the air to get the bartender’s attention before he turns back to look at Hugh. “Well, something tells me that she probably feels the same way.” 

“You don’t know that, mate.” 

“Hugh,” Ryan says. “Do you not see the way she looks at you?” 

Hugh looks over at you, catching your gaze briefly. He feels the warmth in his chest at the sight of you smiling in his direction. He winks over at you before he turns to Ryan. “It’s still too early,” he repeats. “I’ll tell her when… when I think the moment is right.” 

Before Ryan can reply, the bartender comes by and Hugh tells him your drink order and his. After a few minutes, he thanks the bartender as he and Ryan make his way back to the table and realizes that you aren’t at the table. 

“She went to the bathroom,” Shawn tells them, then he turns to Hugh with a grin. “Hugh, she’s amazing.” 

Hugh smiles, sitting down. He looks over at the hallway towards the bathrooms, seeing you walk down the hallway as you begin making your way back to them, back to him. 

“Yeah, she is,” he says, voice laced with so much love and appreciation as his eyes stay locked on yours. “I don’t think I’m ever letting her go.”

---

taglist (if links don't work, i'm sorry!): @corvusmorte - @dragonqueen89 - @whimsiwitchy - @kellyxo1 - @wolviehugh - @moonxknightx - @sullyselena - @angelofthorr - @spectorrrhgf - @needz1nk - @fandomxo00 - @godlypresley - @kythefangirl25 - @callsignyourmom - @sue8724 - @squishyfruitloop - @sylviavf - @emotrash1 - @dissentientss - @sir-thisisadndserver - @absolutepie - @millajay

[austinslounge]

Okay, this is pure speculation and I’m just basically talking out of my ass, but IF the PR relationship theory is true, then Presley may be an indicator. I do believe that all Kaia’s public relationships were/ are PR stunts. So, let me fantasize a little. First, this whole Pete Davidson thing. After dating Ariana Pete was HOT(He still is tbh, I think that he is like cheap hype and publicity for celebs at this point). Cindy and Rande wanted Kaia to be famous since she was 10. I’m convinced that they paid for the articles before she was even legal. Then, as soon as Kaia turned 18, BOOM, Pete Davidson, dating, “candid photos” etc, etc. But then they probably had to break the contract, because Pete was indeed dealing with mental health/drug issues and our favorite helicopter parents finally realized it was a bad idea. I remember these photos of Kaia’s parents outside her apartment, when Pete was “freaking out”. It was late at night and I think it’s strange that the paps were there to witness this whole Kaia/Rande/Cindy/Pete drama. Gives me stages vibes too, tbh.

After Pete, there was this whole Cara thing going on. Presley’s meltdowns, tattooed face. If you read Daily Mails articles about this family in 2020, you can see that there was a lot of strange things going on and their reputation was not good, to put it nicely. Also, around this time Kaia got interested in acting. During this year, there were a lot of rumors and speculations about Kaia’s sexuality, what she has to do with Cara/Ashley etc. And then….surprisingly….she started dating Jacob Elordi! Yeah, right amid sexuality speculations, Presley’s meltdowns and starting her acting career. Her relationship with Jacob looks absolutely the same to me as her relationship with Austin. Stupid staged pap walks, zero chemistry, “happy and in love” articles. The only difference is that she posted something with him rarely on social media, unlike with Austin(Because making even a simple “Happy Birthday” is strictly forbidden, it seems). They date for a year and then suddenly break up. Maybe, this contract was just for one year, as Kaia was only 20 at that time. Besides, Euphoria hype was dying down slowly and there was another star raising on the radar. Austin is actually a very logical target for Kaia’s PR, especially since her family’s obsession with Elvis is creepy at this point.

So, yeah, a month after Elordi split, we have Kaia and Austin. Where did they meet? How? When? No one knows. I’m finally getting to the point why I think Presley might be an indicator of their relationship status. I hate this whole Gerber family, it gives me major Kartrashian vibes, BUT Presley is the only one I like and can tolerate. He seems the most real and genuine. I genuinely appreciate his idgaf attitude, so I think whatever PR campaign Gerbers have for Kaia, Presley is either not engaging at all or doing bare minimum. You mentioned that Presley unfollowed Austin for the first time in 2022. Looking back at her relationship with Elordi. Let’s say the contract was just for a year, maybe at first the contract with Austin was also just for one year, but then they saw how much publicity it brings Kaia and renewed it. Probably they went from one year contract to three. This may actually explain why Presley unfollowed Austin so suddenly this year.

But anyway, this is just my wild imagination. Also, sorry if my grammar sucks, English is not my first language, but I hope you got my point.

Hey girlie! Fantasize away! 😄 I don't mind lol.

But yea, your theory is actually a good one. All we (and even the general public) have picked up on with this couple is that something seems off.

I honestly wouldn't be shocked at all of Kaia and Austin's relationship has always been just PR. I actually think it started as PR. Maybe it grew into something more "real" as time went on, but as of right now, the love seems to have fizzled out in this ship long time ago.

It also seems like she sought him out, and imo, that's always the kiss of death for most relationships with guys. I always kind of feel like the guy should be a little more into you than vice versa if you want a guy who gives you the best relationship.

Another thing, maybe I'm in the minority, but I actually feel like her relationship with Elordi seemed more genuine. He was always hanging around her and her friends even while he was dating Zendaya 😵‍💫, and I think that he and Kaia genuinely had things in common. They're also both kind of weird with weird tastes for things.

I kind of think Jacob had his eye on Kaia even while dating Zendaya. I think she had all the power in that relationship. She even told Elordi early on in the relationship to shave his mullet off. You're only doing stuff like that when the man went after you and you know that the man likes you a bit more than you like him.

With the Kaustin relationship, it seems pretty clear to me that Austin is pretty much running that show. Kaia seems needy, clingy (remember the Taylor Swift concert video? The perfume video?🤭), she changes her personality and habits to fit his, copies what he says in interviews, her family has supposedly been putting pressure on Austin to settle down with Kaia, etc. To me, Austin is clearly wearing the pants in that relationship. This might also be slightly different from the Aunessa relationship, where Vanessa (being older) may have been more of the one to control things. To me, Vanessa seemed way more secure in her relationship with Austin.... maybe because she was older? Or, maybe she just knew that he actually really loved her.

I kind of feel like if Kaia were actually the one who was in control in the Kaustin relationship, she wouldn't feel the need to do half the stuff she's been doing. She'd be perfectly secure in the relationship.

Your thoughts about Presley are pretty spot on. He seems like the least likely to try to keep up a fake rosy-colored view of the family.

He definitely unfollowed Austin again from social media, and hasn't re-followed him like he did Ayo. Make of that what you will.

Btw -- Your English is perfect! 🥰

[etherealising]

hey vee! omg i’m so glad you extended your celebration. i’ve been drowning in schoolwork and kinda losing my mind but i totally wanna participate at least once!

ik we’re team barmy in this house but i’m curious to see a drabble on what this day was like from camry’s perspective.

that day baby came to work and he was on a date with claire. how did he bring himself to even go especially after their previous night together. (ik this may be a lil agnsty, i’ve been loving that kind of stuff lately) 💞💞

stawph!!! this request excites me every time i read it and idk why lol. i love writing pre-aiekoy barby it's so much fun to just invent a bunch of lore!!

thank you so much for requesting!!! i see you in my inbox bestie and i promise i’ll get back to you love!! also your constant support really is one of the reasons i keep posting so thank you so much for indulging me 🫶🏽

After baby leaves the berzatto household carmy literally has zero clue what to do with himself, like man is just staring at his bedroom door 30 minutes later trying to figure out if what just happened was real or just his imagination.

He definitely brushes his fingers across his lips a couple of times, tingles racing through his body every time he thinks about your lips on his.

Carmy goes to sleep happy that night his mind full of visions of you as he finally lays his head to rest.

Sunday rolls around and he’s feeling a bit anxious that neither of you have seen or spoken to each other since that night.

Carmy is freaking out like it genuinely hasn’t even been a full 24 hrs since the moment the two of you shared and he’s sure he scared you off. Maybe you just kissed him back because you felt sorry for him man is running through all the worst scenarios in his head.

He’s definitely picked up the phone to call you and typed out messages but was too scared to do either one in fear of rejection or worse in fear of ruining your already rocky friendship.

At some point, he just relegates himself to finishing some English final essay to keep his mind off of you (it obviously doesn’t work).

It’s getting later as the day passes by and Carmy’s just staring at the few words in the notebook and the eraser marks decorating the page.

The sound of his phone vibrating against the table pulls him from his thoughts and that boy is racing from his seat to answer it, no hesitation no checking the caller ID nothing.

He answers breathlessly and calls your name with a smile on his face because who else would be calling him?

The devastation radiates off of him as Claire’s voice rings into his ears. He gives her an uninterested “Oh, hi.” Mans is not happy at all but he was raised right so he indulges her.

Carmy zones out as soon as he realizes it’s not you, moving through the living room to peek through the curtains at your house, your car is still in the driveway so you must be home, maybe he can go see you after this phone call.

Claire’s voice drifts through his ears asking where he’s at and homeboy is confused most of his focus going to how he’s gonna get his girl who isn’t yet his girl.

And then he remembers before his moment with you, before he knew what it felt like to feel the soft caress of your lips, the weight of your body in his lap. Claire asked him to lunch and he said yes!

He stumbles over his words, he can easily tell Claire that he’s not interested, that there’s someone else. But only an asshole would do something like that over the phone. So with one last look at your car, he decides he’ll meet up with Claire, let her down easy, and then you and him can figure out what this is between the two of you.

Carmy uses the back entrance not wanting to engage with any of the many people crowded in line at the front of the shop, easily finding Claire alone at a table a sigh of relief escaping him that she hadn’t chosen yours and his special table.

It’s awkward for the first few minutes after he sits down. He promised himself he’d start by admitting to Claire that he thought she was nice and pretty even, but that he realized he was in love with someone else.

Claire breaks the ice before he can even get his little speech out, maybe he’ll wait till the end of this little hangout maybe that would save the awkwardness of having to eat with someone you admitted you didn’t have feelings for.

Somehow the two of them go from awkward conversation to joking around about the previous night at prom.

Carmy’s back is to the entrance so he doesn’t take notice of your presence but he watches as Claire’s eyes drift from his face her eyes lighting up hand waving with gusto as she says your name.

Carmy doesn’t even need to turn around to see you, a heavy weight growing at the bottom of his stomach, but he does anyway and the way you avoid his eyes is enough proof that this whole situation upset you.

He doesn’t even give Claire a second thought before he’s out of his seat trying to find you, the muffled cries leaving the walk-in lead him straight to you, and he can’t help the annoyance that builds up in him at hearing Mikey’s voice.

His older brother, always there to save the fucking day. He stays a bit longer just listening to you sob and he knows he was the cause of your anguish.

Carm returns to Claire and apologizes for leaving and he doesn’t explain anything but he can see the sadness in her eyes as a silent conversation passes between the two of them her eyes watering with her hurt and realization.

Claire was kind enough to offer him a ride home, but Carmy decided to walk home, he didn’t know how he could live with the weight of making two girls cry in one day.

On the tedious walk home, Carmy comes to the decision that it’s best if he just lets you believe what you want. You’ll be gone soon and there’s no point in clearing anything up, no point in putting his feelings about you into words if the two of you will be apart soon.

So he self-sabotages allows you to think he’s the bad guy (i mean he kinda is lol) doesn’t clear up what you think you saw, and doesn’t address the kiss and intimate moment he initiated.

And as the days tick down to your departure he watches you grow closer to Hayden, ignoring Claire’s questioning looks as she tries to understand why you and Carmy aren’t together yet.

The time comes for your departure and he’s built up some false confidence about telling you the truth about everything but he chokes. Wishes you luck in college and mutters promises about keeping in touch, promises he knows are a lie as soon as he speaks them because he doesn’t think he could pretend to be happy for you knowing his own happiness lies with you.

a/n: gosh do i love making these two suffer, there’s some tidbits in here that i might expand on in a carmy interlude i have planned but only time will tell. enjoy!

[velvetvexations]

I'm going to try answering multiple asks in one posts to cut down on hitting my limit and declutter lol

I believe they were hyping themselves up for being a transfem ally who got to clapback to transmisogyny in a way that was totally epic and cool and they want us to fuck them so bad

What annoys me even more about this is that they still call baeddel a slur even though it was brought back for the first time since literally the Middle Ages by a group most agree were completely fucked up, and it's like, hey, shouldn't other people be able to use baeddel in that retaliatory way then? Why can't they have their justice slur?

We understand. One of us identifies as as cis woman and another as a cis man, although funnily enough, while the trans woman and two non-binary members also have physical dysphoria, the cis man is is probably the one who feels it the hardest including wanting giant knockers. We're a strange bunch. It's okay for systems to have a complicated relationship with their body.

We love you, all of you, and we hope she feels the solidarity. <3

Honestly I'm really tempted to next time I shave just because of how good I've been feeling about my butchness lately because of Velvet Nation, and also wanting to triple dog dare transradfems to say I don't look feminine enough to be a trans woman.

tpwrtrmnky 🤝 JK Rowling

creating a series beloved by queer people only to unfortunately have your brain poisoned into obsessively perpetuating transphobia

huge W for trans women though because she speedran that shit

I still don't think we need to be questioning her claims about being ostracized and I'd seriously prefer we stop doing that. It is, however, extremely weird she's still ranting about this like a week or two later, it's pretty clear she bare minimum has a problem with melodrama and should probably limit her engagement with the internet until she can get herself together to not collapse like this when people gently point out something she said not vibing.

Sometimes it feels like transradfems who act like egg jokes are vitally necessary to liberation have the exact same mindset as cis lesbians obsessed with "losing" AFAB people to being trans.

yeah, well, maybe so, but looking like a woman is a privilege and you're a gender traitor

I literally quit Reddit and came back to Tumblr because it drove me fucking insane that the D20 fandom kept calling a high schooler a nepo baby because her dad was a real estate agent.

High fashion, honestly.

Yes.

the thing you have to understand is that being a masculine man is bad but so is being a feminine man, being a man is just bad, that's why trans women are transitioning out of it

I'm so cool and sexy

Thank you anon!

Radical feminism, trans or trans exclusive, is in fact a cult, including frequently attempting to isolate minors away from outside support networks. TERFs and transradfems are the most miserable and sickening mirrors of each other.

[that-wizard-oki]

I've had it in my head for awhile (like that I want to do some sort of fan comic (like, multi chapter/'book', done over several years sorta comic) for W101.

I have various Idea's that i'd like to do (like it would rock to maybe do a comic interpretation of the game itself), but if I were to hunker down and really do at least one of them, it'd be about Morganthe's life/story of course. It's just the one I'm most passionate about, the one I think would make me most satisfied if it was the only comic I ever did since it would be a pretty big undertaking and likely done in my free time, which is often limited lol.

Also, it goes without saying that i'm uhhhhh a bit of a perfectionist (me, an artist? a perfectionist? what a surprise!) so the idea of my art not being up to par with my expectations is also off putting- and I KNOW... i know.... i know that regardless of what art I'm able to produce, It shouldn't matter really. Who cares if my anatomy is janky or the perspective off- as long as the story is impactful and something I like (as of course even just a handful of others enjoy), that's what bottom line i think matters to me most.

All this to say that... I have entertained the idea of /writing/ some of this stuff. I thought maybe scripts would be nice, because... the issue tho is that I get caught up in the details, which would serve well for like, fanfic writing. But again, I'm also SO image based that I fear my words alone will not be enough- at least, enough to satisfy my own creative desire. Though writing does feel more approachable- like a good starting place.

*kicks rocks* anyway, i just got the thinking cause... well as of late my desire to engage in art/creating something has felt very... not there at all. It could be partly that I have an Art Job, but, as much as I do love my job... I think the reality is that I miss being able to create entirely for me. I think that's what I really liked about Wizard- the world & characters inspired me to think creatively in a boundless way.

And again, LOVE my job, and I have been given opportunity to express many ideas, and some of which have come to be, but I think I've also come to realize that... idk, I don't think I like the uphill battle of putting my all into something I don't even know is going to be greenlit/accepted/etc (this is nothing to do with KI specifically, more so how draining it feels to me personally to pitch certain things im /very/ passionate about, and trying to be realistic about how much of my time effort and energy i feel is worth to do that).

Anywho. Lots of random thoughts, no real conclusion, just had it on my mind. But overall it's been difficult for me to feel the Magic that wiz usually proves me, creatively speaking. Honestly even thinking about playing the game makes my head hurt, which also saddens me a good bit. I'm still in Novus lol.

Not to say I don't feel excited or that "magic" feeling at all, far from it. It's just. Further and fewer between at times.

[serene-faerie]

Anyways, for a nicer change of pace, here's an indulgent Beren and Lúthien Regency AU idea (heavily inspired by Bridgerton).

So Lúthien has just made her debut into high society, and she's been named the Diamond of the Season. Now she's on the search for a husband. As the daughter of Duke and Duchess of Doriath, she's incredibly beautiful and talented in singing, which means she's got many suitors vying for her hand in marriage. So Lúthien goes to all of these balls and soirées, looking for a good man who would make a good husband for her. But so far, she hasn't had much luck; none of the men are interesting for her, or they're only enamored by her physical beauty, and have no interest in her other qualities. Or worse, they're relentless and don't understand the word "no", like a certain Lord Celegorm Fëanorion. At this rate, Lúthien would much rather become an unmarried spinster than marry any of the men she's met so far.

Enter Beren, the son of Earl Barahir of Dorthonion, and a renowned war hero. He's just arrived home to claim his late father's title and estate, and despite all the horrors of war that he's had to endure, he has to look for a wife with the help of Viscount Finrod Finarfinion, a friend of his father. One night, at one of Finrod's soirées, he crosses paths with Lúthien, after he sees her trying to escape Celegorm. Beren steps in and pretends to be Lúthien's fiancé to get Celegorm to leave her alone. Lúthien is very grateful for his help, but now she and Beren have to pretend that they are actually courting so that no other suitors get any ideas.

So for the rest of the season, Lúthien and Beren engage in a fake courtship. But over time, they really start to fall in love with each other. Lúthien comes to love Beren, since he's handsome, kind, rugged, and he genuinely admires her singing voice and wants to have meaningful conversations with her. Likewise, Beren falls in love with Lúthien because of her genuine kindness, her singing voice, and how sincere and wise she really is. She doesn't look down upon him for his experiences in the war, but she seeks to understand what he went through and help him heal.

Since Beren and Lúthien seem to be truly in love, they earn a lot of support from the Ton. Finrod is happy to support them, of course. He hasn't seen Beren this happy since before he went to war.

Of course, Thingol is disapproving of Beren at first, since he's only just now hearing about this courtship with the new Earl of Dorthonion. But he's not as strict as he is in canon- he just wants to meet Beren for himself, and see if he's really worthy for his daughter. However, Melian likes Beren almost instantly, seeing that he's strong and wise and very different from most of the noble sons of London's upper class. And Thingol even approves of Beren after learning of how he defended Lúthien from Celegorm, whom Thingol absolutely hates.

I haven't thought of a Regency equivalent of a Quest for the Silmaril or anything like that, though. I guess the real obstacle would be Celegorm, who's insistent on trying to marry Lúthien even after she rejected him, but Melian quickly take care of Celegorm by bringing up some scandalous dirt on him and spreading it through the Ton, which means that Celegorm has to run to the countryside to escape the shame, lol.

So yeah, here's my Beren and Lúthien Regency AU!

[mylittleredgirl]

previously on mylittleredgirl: [four seasons of m*a*s*h] [six weeks of screaming about margaret houlihan]

i have now finished season five disc one and a bullet point recap is due! [yeah there's more screaming in it]

bug out was a fucking DELIGHT

god i was so worried though when klinger had to trade all his dresses i was wailing internally. what if he just wears fatigues forever!?!??? but it's all okay!!!! that tassel mod dress he has on in "the abduction of margaret houlihan" healed me ten times over. his outfits have been 🔥 this season.

such a mix of really dumb slapstick comedy and "oh god the war is Right Here" drama and little character sweetness... love it.

and the family reunion happiness at the end!!!! god bless. i left my body for like thirty-six hours.

i really really love the tone they're striking with frank this season. they've walked back the cartoon villainy of late season four, so he's once again a relatively harmless clown. i breathed a huge sigh of relief. he's soooo much more fun this way.

margaret's engagement: bonkers. delightful. she's unbearable. there is so much wrong with her. i want to study her in a jar. i will never shut up again.

with this put together with some bits later in the disc (including that cut scene crayon joke lmao), did she somehow manage to trade DOWN from frank? is that even possible??? it's either that or this new dude is actually just The Exact Same Guy, but now she'll be the fool wife at home instead of the beloved mistress.

i mean personally if i were louise burns i'd be very happy for my dumbass husband to fuck around on the other side of the world for as long as possible while i enjoy the $35,000 house and two cars without him, but for someone like margaret who is far more interested in being wined and dined than running a household, this... may not be the field promotion she thinks it is.

hawkeye rising to frank's defense and him and b.j. enabling frank's little takedown of margaret at the end felt very real. sure, in the grand scheme of things, margaret is Annoying and frank tried to have hawkeye executed last season, but bros before hos.

okay how FUNNY would it be though if the "little redheaded nurse" frank planned to seduce was baker-from-the-nurses, because she would have scratched frank's eyes out for trying and not felt bad about it

and actually, that's a plausible backstory for the extra bad blood between her and margaret, too??? oh yeah. that definitely happened.

i actively missed frank/margaret as the disc went along though. maybe the show had stretched the tension of that relationship as tight as it could go, and it's nice that they get to do new things... but they're so funny and awful together and i miss them sharing scenes!!!

i really assumed - like frank did lol - that they would continue to rabbit around together, only now she would also get to string him along with the jealousy game, but...... well, i'm glad it's still hanging out in the background of the narrative, anyway. i live in hope that they will slip and fuck and it will be soooo messy.

FUCK is it possible i shipped that for real???? god. i don't know if my family name can bear this dishonor.

out of sight, out of mind...

...has taught us the very important lesson that hawkeye is 9000x more annoying without something to do (annoying to everyone else i mean!! not to me. i will happily watch him annoy everyone.)

him asking b.j. to visit him a million times a day 🥺

i'm almost satisfied now by the "doctor-experiences-the-role-of-patient" theme that i didn't get in "hawkeye." i suppose hurt/comfort fic can take it from here.

however i'm totally satisfied by how sweet it was to see everyone taking care of him!! and how much they love him!!

lt. radar o'reilly... devastating. i mean funny and delightful but it's mean!! so glad that boy is back in stripes. however they could have at least promoted him a little for his trouble. sergeant o'reilly???

i have already said more about the nurses (post here) than ever needed to be said. and yet. i'm quite sure i could say more if pressed

the abduction of margaret houlihan

........ will i never be free of colonel flagg episodes 😞

i love the continuing evidence that she has invested time in learning korean, and i really really really love the slow expansion of our perspective to include like oh yeah. there's a village where people live full time and it's literally right here.

imagine if after the war she becomes an ob nurse...

on the one hand, how do they not make frank do gun handling training. on the other hand they probably don't because it always ends with stitches and an accident report.

i sometimes wonder if mash was like jury duty for asian actors in the 70s. you probably won't get to say anything but they call you up and you just have to go.

dear sigmund!!!!!! this is another episode where people were staring at me through the window so i'll comment a little more:

the fandom's favorite guy sidney freedman deserves that crown. what a weirdo. talk about a busman's holiday for a psychiatrist to come to the 4077 for a vacation and psychoanalyze everyone. but for fun!

i really don't have a proper sense of the geography at play here because he really does like. just come by to play cards once a week. and drives through a war zone i guess to do it? he has probably sacked out in the swamp before when the air raid situation changes but this time he just... doesn't leave.

and aaaa!! margaret took her very special episode about How To Make Friends to heart!!!! she joined the poker game!!!

she had plenty of time to work on that lesson though because the jeremy bearimy time shenanigans are in full swing here at the 4077. we went from midsummer in 'the nurses' to a bitter cold march two episodes later.

i always kind of assumed the mash weather was loosely inspired by real human weather, but no, in fact the actors just have to randomly suffer in parkas or getting sprayed in the face to look sweaty in alternating weeks regardless of the surrounding conditions.

SUFFERING for their ART

also jfc b.j.!!!! dunking frank in cold water in freezing temperatures is a serious health and safety concern my dude!!!!

i'm afraid b.j. is still not beating the little brother allegations, he has just aged up from innocent baby to fucking gremlin

(i should confess that my little brother diagnosis is guided by the fact that in my complex family and housing history i only ever lived with "brothers" younger than me, and never older ones. but the innocent baby and prank gremlin stages are real.)

i made a note here of "margaret randomly drinking gin in the swamp now!!?!??" like the poker game was one thing, people could strong-arm her into that while she feigns protest, but ma'am WHO are you and what have you done with— and then the next note is "oh good she's still insane"

potter named his horse sophie <3 also he's collecting granddaughters, i think the count is up to 3 now. or baby sherry is experiencing a temporal anomaly of her own!

the letter radar wrote to the dead guy's parents and potter reading it... fucking ended me. please let harry morgan do serious bits more often, it's outstanding and far too rare.

it's not surprising that frank's wife changing (wearing pants! doing activities!) would stress him out, and not just because he's a dick. any of them would struggle with their families growing without them, because that means they can Never Go Home to the life they left!! (e.g. trapper losing it because his girls were getting older.) but it is kind of fascinating that he loves both his wife and margaret, and even said mid-fever that he wanted them to be friends, but he also wants them to be NOTHING alike.

all in all it's understandable that sidney would check in to the no boundaries motel to have his poker buddies shake it out of him, but he could also have taken his leave somewhere with indoor heat. so he's as crazy as the rest of them. <3

also they're not his patients he's just observing them like zoo animals so forget confidentiality he's absolutely gonna write a book about them someday.

mulcahy's war: i don't know why i have been misspelling his name with an 'e' the whole time because it was literally in the end credits of almost every episode for four seasons.

oh god he's so precious i don't talk about it enough. playing poker for orphans. feeling like he doesn't do enough while potter thinks he has the hardest job. that unrelenting positive regard for everyone. always with that little grin.

that little grin in FULL PLAY as he sneaks out of the house to go off to war when dad's not looking

radar should never be sent on a mission where people are bleeding when will they LEARN

corporal cupcake deserves every medal he gets!!!!

frank's foot fetish becoming his one true medical specialty is just. i don't know what to do with this. good for him??? do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life???

speaking of unrelenting positive regard, margaret's policy of nurses never talking back to the doctors in the operating room sure has taken a hit. i realize this is about frank being an intolerable ex, but i choose to believe that the detente between margaret and her nurses has turned the O.R. into a pvp zone. the next time hawkeye tries to seduce a nurse over an open body, he's gonna get wrecked and margaret's just going to shrug pretty and look the other way.

in conclusion: season five is soooo gooooooood!!!!! can't wait for disc two!

[whinlatter]

author's note | chapter 7: caged 🪽

thank you for reading chapter seven of Beasts! this chapter, we see the fallout from the controversial punch, watch harry and ginny go through about ninety bottles of ink writing precisely one bazillion letters to one another (my loves), and fret as the residents of grimmauld place fight a losing battle with pixies that may or may not be a metaphor for our characters’ own multiplying traumas, chasing everyone around and refusing to be contained. pray for our babies, for no-one is thriving - let's chat chapter seven! (plus a sneak peek of chapter eight, which includes a letter from a character yet to make his Beasts debut...) 👀

✨ spoilers for this chapter below the cut  ✨

writing notes and headcanons:

vibes: this chapter, i wanted the vibes to be claustrophobic, tedium, all hogwarts, real focus on ginny and her restlessness and over-it-ness, her starting to write a lot, both to harry and to others, and her starting to push the boundaries and rebel now she's lost her sense of purpose in returning. (@pocket-lilacs brought up pandemic-era uni vibes of 'what is the point of studying when all this is going on' and that is exactly the energy here). the politics is more a backdrop to ginny's arc in this chapter, though the thicknesse trial has uncomfortable echoes for gin's own set of experiences, and i'm having so much fun but also banging my head up against the wall/grappling with turning up/turning down the volume on the different macro/micro plots in different chapters to try and get different effects and to follow ginny's own engagement with the Big Questions of the postwar wizarding world. scale is hard, who knew!

quidditch: by far the hardest part of this chapter to write was the quidditch scene. it was 3000 words long originally, and i had to go at it with a sledgehammer to bash it into bits, dump most of it, and then just keep the most important parts to fold into this much quicker, punchier scene. the worst part of writing is spending days crafting a section and in doing so learn that you don't need it lmao. so yeah that's why this chapter was a week late. this one was a nightmare but we got there in the end lmao

the forest detention: our first flashback to the war year at hogwarts! why haven't we had more? answers on a postcard, all will be revealed, including the context for the silver trio's forest detention, but for now will just say the fact that snape sent the gang into the forest with hagrid for detention after stealing the sword has a) always had me in a chokehold because all of the endless ginny/forest foreshadowing but also because i've never been satisfied with the explanation that the detention was just an obvious easy option. can't wait to share more !!!

harry and ginny: all i want to do is write more letters for those two. 'sneaking out of grounds, booze, leather gangs' - that was how @madammalkins23 summed it up beautifully, getting at the vibes i keep coming back to with both of these characters: the sirius-black-shaped elephant in the room, basically. escaping from hogwarts with buckbeak? the risk being what makes it all fun? harry fixing up the motorbike? fighting a war against grimmauld place and getting on the whiskey? the looming shadow of molly weasley? it's truly giving padfoot. the idea of harry and ginny in cahoots, as partners in crime, really kept me going when writing this chapter - like, what if harry for the first time did have another person in his life who was of the 'fuck it' school of thought? (i even went back and read that jkr short story of sirius and james on the motorbike lol). basically, the sirius echoes just sort of ended up writing themselves, as they always seem to do in this fic. when it comes to the letters, it's striking to me that in canon harry is very preoccupied with who does or doesn’t write to him - at the dursleys', but also after sirius' death ('It’s just hard,' Harry said finally, in a low voice, 'to realise he won’t write to me again.' - HBP). i've never really got fics that have harry as a non-loquacious letter writer in the post-war period, especially to ginny - harry seeks huge comfort and reassurance in getting letters from people who care about him, and channels his worries about people he's close to into letters, especially people he views as family (sirius, ginny). that harry and ginny would become a bit emotionally codependent through letters seemed in some sense a natural choice, basically, and although they're still being very avoidant, in some ways, i think they're building a foundation towards becoming each other's person in ways that's important. (i am putting together a sirius and ginny parallels meta playing with these ideas and character-trait overlap that i'll share hopefully soon, so stay tuned on that one)

why won’t ginny open up? by far the question i've been asked most this week! i am really really excited and happy about the arc i’ve got in store for ginny on this question, so don't want to reveal too much, but there have been some beautiful insightful guesses in the comments section about why ginny is struggling to come clean with harry or her family. here we see harry begin to see through gin's defences, a little bit, but also show his own blindspots that come from him not having asked the right questions or always probed about her interior life before now. i'm always so grateful and blown away by the trust readers have put in me to deliver on all these protracted question marks but this week especially i felt v glad for readers' compassion towards these characters and especially for ginny and hermione, as they fuck up and get it wrong and struggle yet still get grace in the comment section. both are on a journey, but i know more impatient readers could be sick of waiting for them to get there, so just to say i am really glad everyone is getting it and seeing where both characters are at with empathy and kindness, because ofc what they’re both doing is frustrating (and, when it comes to gin, harry is beginning to think so, too)

plus thicknesse: had a long chat with @saintsenara about ol thicknesse, because he's kind of a baffling figure - ex-auror who gets successfully imperiused, becomes minister and then goes on to actively commit horrific war crimes while under yaxley's control. what's fun about the trials, though, is that you can use them as a conduit to raise these big moral questions for postwar wizarding society - in thicknesse's case, it's questions about agency, free will, and culpability, in ways that has real implications for ginny's reflections on her own experiences. so cheers pius love u

harry's patronus: i am salivating at all of your theories for this one - obviously i'm saying nothing for now, but keep them guesses coming, i live for em! and if you guess right, i'll come up with some kind of prize lmao

detention, career advice (and graves' apathy): back in the site of former detentions, ginny shows her remarkably sparse knowledge of wizarding careers in a scene that i hope shows her trying on for size different role models/authority figures and seeing which ones she feels most like. (i like the idea that ginny would actually be a bit interested in being an auror, if only she'd been in of age and able to benefit from kingsley's hiring amesty after the battle). having ginny hover over the idea of being an unspeakable was particularly important for me, because i like the idea of the dept of mysteries being quite a formative space for her (i feel like all i do is say 'wait and see!' but... i have things to do and say with this dimension i swear!) graves is like, do what you want, babe, i don't care. i'm here for the pension, frankly

michael corner: 'surprise bitch!' - michael corner, probably. do i think michael and ginny were mates after the breakup end of ootp? no i do not. but i have always been so struck that ginny and michael must have actually spent a lot of very intense time together during DH as die-hards in the DA (michael is the only character we hear whose torture by the carrows after attempting to rescue a younger student is described as particularly severe, which i think suggests his level of commitment to the cause). readers will recall my open disdain for michael corner up til this point - i have described him as the jack berger of hogwarts quidditch, for my satc fans - but i'm afraid to say i have now decided i quite like him and am excited for him to rock up in person real soon. i think he's a know it all softboi but with a goodie core. also as a writer there's something quite refreshing about bringing in a character who is an ex who probably can see through some of ginny's shit by virtue of having spent a lot of time with her but no longer needing to/caring about impressing her, placating her or keeping her on side lol

hermione: alaskanastro left a comment that summed this up: 'Man, Hermione is really just doubling down on the whole "I'm going to try desperately to control something in life to feel like I'm in control even if it's my friend's life" isn't she? Or at least trying to'. yep, that's what she's doing! we still don't know all that hermione's going through, but this hit the nail on the head fr. i feel bad that this fic is ginny pov at this stage in its arc, because i think ginny sees hermione in a particular way rn (their final conversation in this chapter really speaking to these tensions - ginny does not want to feel mothered, at least not by hermione...), but these two have a long way to go to get to a point of mutual understanding. wanna write a meta on their friendship soon, hopefully will get chance to before i finish chapter 8. but anyway - wonder what's going on with her and ron... hope we find out soon... hope someone tells us... :) :) :)

everything but the ghoul: the dumbest pun, but had to use this joke in a chapter where ginny skips school (everything but the girl's most famous song is called 'missing'... get it)

songs from the playlist for this chapter:

girls getting grouchy and teenage in their feelings is the big ol mood this week:

the middle of the world - nicholas brittell | sidelines by phoebe bridgers | difficult by gracie abrams | simulation swarm by big thief | crisis by elizabeth m. drummond | delete forever - grimes | chinese satellite (copycat killer version) by phoebe bridgers

i did promise a sneak peek didn't i...

From the desk of the MINISTER OF MAGIC Whitehall, London Dear Ginny,  I hope you’re well. I’d like to meet with you on Saturday the 12th of December at 11 o’clock. It’s important that we’re discreet. Please vanish this letter after reading. Sincerely, Kingsley

[imaginespazzi]

SOMEONE(you) COOKED HERE. WOWEEEE Mommy HOW DO I EVEN BEGIN THIS REVIEW THIS IS YOUR MAGNUM OPUS. Also sorry this is so late, work is crazy and all of my favorite fics updated last week. Do you, pb524830, and pboogerswbb have some kind of conspiracy to release on the same date?

May 2033 ~ A few minutes ago ~ (YA I WISH IT WAS ONLY A FEW MINUTES BETWEEN CHAPTERS AS WE'VE BEEN IN PAIN)

Stephie is so fucking cute I can't handle it. Just picturing her in a huge bed covered in a hoodie saying “Go away Mama. I’m mad at you,” I can picture her so vividly

"A craving to have Paige there too, a craving for the two of them to be cradled in the blonde’s strong arms, a craving for this almost perfect picture to be complete." -> Azzi lets get real your arms are much stronger than hers lol

Have I mentioned that you have made me do a complete 180 on Azzi -I lowkey didn't really love her early in the story (blasphemy I know). You know how to build a character arc thats for sure.

"they’ve always been hers." -> Ok this made me think about the phone call on Paige's wedding day and with the context we have now that is low key so gut wrenching for Azzi.

“she’s like family?” -> GIRL SHE YOUR DADDY

The verbiage of 'keep miss buecks forever' is making me laugh I am picturing her in a little closet under the stairs like harry potter 🧙🏿‍♂️

“how you don’t know?" -> I cry 😭😭😭😭😭

April 2027 - You know I'm always excited for some juicy Olivia content.

"The thing is that Azzi knows she can survive -can even succeed- without Paige- but she doesn’t want to." -> hmm I am wondering if this is a little glimpse into some of her reasoning for turning down the proposal. That she might cease to have her own identity and accomplishments recognized, a fear that she would be known as Paige's WAG and nothing more? Something Olivia was super happy to be known as 🤣

Ice's excitement about Azzi's plan is crushing me

Just a little while longer baby. I’m coming to you. Forever. -> TOO LATE BITCH

The glazing of Paige's hotness this chapter- those unrivaled ads really got to you eh? I mean I guess its not glazing if its true!

Oooh finally some Polivia action. Sex scene please🤣🍑🍑

May 2033 - No notes!

Wow this has really been the longest day ever

This conversation is so cathartic thank god finally

I have no notes on this conversation because it was very satisfying and honest and both of them have valid points lol

May 2027 - Tristan and Olivia should get together it feels right

Ok it has always made me laugh when you get asks being like HOW WAS STEPHIE MADE.. as if it would be anything but a one night stand with a dude

Sometimes you need to get laid in a drunken rage, and sometimes a penis is just right there 🤷🏻‍♀️

Azzi… keeping a baby because you don't want to be lonely is very much not a reason to keep a baby. I mean it worked out for ya but jesus christ!

Alright so I am so happy we finally got the reveal of this sequence of events… I think I pretty much predicted that Azzi getting pregnant was a direct result of her finding out about Olivia, but I absolutely LOVE how you added the factor of her deciding to keep the baby because of the engagement announcement. Just adding another way Paige is pretty much responsible for Stephie's existence. WHEN IT COMES TO 5 YEAR OLD STEPHIE, PAIGE, YOU ARE THE FATHER (crowd screams, Maury shakes Paige's hand)

One thing I was curious about - when we first meet Olivia after P's goodbye presser, she talks about how Paige kept them on the DL for months because she didn't want Azzi to find out and wanted to tell her first. Does Paige think the engagement announcement was Azzi's first time hearing about Olivia? Did she not give her a heads up in between Azzi seeing her with O and the announcement? Cold blooded 😬

Ok this was far too long and I have nothing left to say except the ending of this did leave me feeling optimistic, whereas the cliffhangers leave me feeling empty and sad lol. I vote Paige makes her decision quickly and the rest of the story is pure fluff the end bye love ya. 🤱🏻🤱🏻🤱🏻

OMG BABES I AM SO GLAD TO SEE YOU! I figured you were busy and I wouldn't get a live reaction this time but I'm so happy you're here <3

And lmao no we don't plan it but great minds and all that I guess...

Okay starting by calling me out....I see

Stephie is the actual loml like I'm so attached to this little kid

You're right, you're right Azzi's arms are definitely stronger but hey Paige's are pretty nice too

Awwww I'm glad I've been able to write Azzi in a way that made you like her again. She's definitely changed a lot in the last couple of chapters and has grown as a person in this fic.

Paige is really just Stephie's pet she wants to adopt

I like your break up theory :)

I'm just a girl who likes pretty girls...thank you Phee and Stewie for those ads

POLIVIA OH MY GOD DON'T MAKE ME GAG. Just writing them all cute made me gag a little, I couldn't do anything more without offing myself.

Writing the chapter was pretty cathartic; felt like a long time coming for them.

Listen as much as it pained me to write about a man....it was inevitable like truly nothing else was gonna make sense to the plot.

Never say Azzi hasn't made spontaneous extreme decision in her life...she will simply point to her fucking child.

At the end of the day, not by blood, but but destiny or fate or something like those things, Stephie exists because of Paige. They're tethered your honor.

Yes it was but that's not necessarily how Paige wanted it to happen.

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

I'm torn here - I love discussion, I don't want to insulate myself from interesting, nuanced discussion. On the other hand, a takeaway I've had in life lately is sometimes you just have to let it go. You can't change it. You just have to move on. And the constant heavy discussion can be a lot to read and absorb. She also has the unique situation of being a prolific writer, deeply relatable, near universal womanhood experiences and also, because the nature of her image, I don't always want to discuss her how I would an author, especially an author who is long gone. Idk if this makes any sense, I enjoy following you, but I sometimes feel myself getting bogged down by the very discussions I also enjoy.

I understand that, I really do, but I think it's also natural for topics to come up and to respond to them, like you would in conversation with friends in real life. Sometimes you don't talk about things for weeks or months and then your friend says something and it sparks a whole discussion, and I think that's the same way it works on platforms like this. And again with the utmost respect and kindness and gratitude, I think there's a difference between what gets discussed on a platform like, say, tumblr, where the blogging DNA lends itself to longer, more thoughtful and often collaborative discussion, and what may happen on other platforms that are more "soundbite"-y. (I don't know, tumblr is the only social media I use, but I know twitter is a cesspool in general and primed for ragebait for engagement, unlike this hellsite held together by duct tape and spite and cupcakes.)

And I'm the first to admit, I don't delve like this at all into any other musician or author or artist for the most part. The closest analog I can think of are the TV shows I used to love before they were dead to me. But I also think part of that is again, Taylor is uniquely prolific in this day and age so there is so much art to digest, and she's been uniquely honest in sharing her experiences in the past that many of her contemporaries hadn't in the same way, so yes, it drove the whole parasocialism thing to an extent. I personally don't see this as an inability to let go; the conversations I've seen here are mostly thoughtful, nuanced and often borne out of people's own personal experiences as well, and I think there's a difference between jumping into a quasi-literary analysis of her work and like, harassing the "players" involved. (The latter would absolutely be an inability to let go, but luckily I don't see any of that in my little corner here, and I would hope that's an outlier experience.) There's nothing to let go for any of us because it wasn't our "thing" in the first place, and only belonged to the people involved. I think what most of us relate to are the feelings and what that makes us think about our own experience with them. Taylor has written something like over 300 songs, so it feels pretty normal to listen to something you maybe haven't heard in awhile (again, because there are so many) and be like, huh, this kind of jumps back into this other theme we've been talking about lately.

And another thing I'm going to say again with the utmost respect and kindness, and this is not directed at you but at the internet at large (lol) is that: at the end of the day, these are all our own blogs, our own spaces to share what we personally find interesting to talk about. My blog is not a discussion board for all to contribute in equal weight; it's a place for me to engage with content I enjoy with people I enjoy, both personally and from afar, and I sincerely hope everyone else is able to do the same on their own blogs. No blogger here should feel like they have to cater to anyone else but their own interests and enjoyment, the only thing that matters is to do so respectfully towards others and the art with which we interact. (Maybe that's why I'm not an ask blog and occupy a tiny unknown space here lol. Which to be clear is just fine with me.) Sometimes there are great conversations going on the dash and I like to jump in with my own thoughts, other times I'm not interested or don't have the brain space for it and skip. It's whatever you're in the mood for on a given day.

Which again is where curating your experience comes in, whether that's following/unfollowing, filtering, etc. I know I'm guilty of poorly tagging my shit because tumblr is terrible at it in general, but keywords are easy for me to filter at least, and then I can choose if I want to engage or not. (At least, that's how I have my dash curated. There are some topics I just don't care for, so I've filtered the words, and if once in awhile I see a filtered post and I think, hmm, maybe I'm OK with that today, I'll click on it to see what's going on.) Or, I can simply scroll past, too. I'm not at all saying this to be condescending, I'm just saying what works for me personally so I can protect my own peace and navigate what I do and don't want to talk about at a given time, if that's at all helpful to anyone else. At the end of the day, you as a reader don't owe anyone your eyeballs or real estate in your head, so you don't owe it to anyone to keep up with their blogs if they aren't enjoyable to you at that time. If there were a consistent or better way to tag these topics then maybe I could help others in that way, but I don't know that there is. (I can't even keep tags consistent on my own blog in spite of how I tried at first.)

I get that these are heavy topics and heavy times and are not things everyone wants to see. Hell, there are times *I* don't want to see them either. Which again, is where options come in-- not going on tumblr (or whatever platform) to begin with if I am not up for it, using the tools available (e.g. filtering), unfollowing (tbh have never had to do that in the year and a half I've been in the Swiftie tumblr fandom, where everyone here has been lovely, but I have in the past in other fandoms), or disengaging and cooling off. I'm not saying everyone needs to do this, but again just saying what works for me, and why my dash is mostly a pleasant experience that I can tailor to how I'm feeling during different periods of my life.

I hope I haven't caused you grief anon! And if I have, that you're able to find a corner of the fandom that gives you respite from the heaviness and is more in line with the things you find pleasure in if it's not this. Tbh now that Eras is over (and thus surprise songs are no longer driving some of these conversations) and it seems like Taylor is going into a quieter season to rest and recuperate and create, I imagine most of these discussions are going to taper off in the new year anyway, so it will naturally dissipate and move on as we all find new things to fill our time.

(This is why I hesitated to add my thoughts in the first place, and why I won't be adding more to the discussion.)

[mithrilhearts]

My favorite fic of yours - Dragonhearted

My favorite chapter in my favorite fic of yours - The ones with Ori :D

The best character you've written for - Ori LOL

The best ship you've written for - Bagginshield

A fic I haven't read yet from you, but I want to - Your second S&D, your second Thauc

Something I remember vividly from reading one of your fics - Berries, nose twitches, beard scratches...and being very afraid for Ori

What made me the most emotional after reading - When I thought the Shadow dwarves were dead :(

What I like the most about your writing - How engaging and captivating it is...

A fic i'm excited for you updating/posting - The Bodyguard fic

A character/ship I didn't enjoy/think about as much before you wrote about them - Bagginshield 100%

Something I wish/hope you write - More Ori

A fic of yours that i've re-read - Dragonhearted, your Acorn Drabbles

If i've ever shared/talked about your fic to someone else - DUH!

A fic I didn't expect to like so much - The Vampire Story!

A question I have about one of your fics - Where is Ori????

(I am nothing if not predictable!!!)

I can't believe it. You went through all the questions 😭 and let me tell you, reading through all of these has made me cry more than once. I've been feeling really down lately about my quality as a fic writer and what I bring to the table (among more real personal problems lately boo), and this did definitely cheer me up.

To see so many various fics you enjoy, the thing you remember from them and take away, it's just...so heart-warming.

Cries again.

But man!!! I am so excited about the Bodyguard AU too!! And I am happy to feature some more Ori in my fics!!! (That's where he's at btw, lost somewhere in my stories lmao)

Thank you so much my friend, for being some sunshine on my rather gloomy, cloudy, thunderous days.

(I am not linking all of my fics, but you can find them on my masterlist -> here)

[walriding]

character info sheet.

Name. Miles Luis Upshur Ramírez

Name meaning. Miles -- Latin, soldier. Luis -- Spanish, famous warrior or renowned fighter. Upshur -- English, literally just means 'from the upper shire', but the fun fact significance is that Upshur was the middle name of the famous American journalist Bob Woodward. Ramírez -- Spanish, wise / renowned ruler / counselor

Alias.( ses ). Fun Mount Massive nicknames: the Host, the Apostle, the Witness, Little Pig, buddy, etc. As far as actual aliases, he's used various combinations of his four names on fake IDs before -- i.e. Luis Upshur, Miles Ramírez, etc.

two pictures you like of your character.

The money shot, the big cryptid moment, the only third person view we canonically have of Miles:

2. Probably what I consider to be the definitive Oscar-as-Miles photo, one of the things I saw and was instantly assured of my FC choice. It might sound stupid but Oscar is such an irrevocable part of Miles to me. I can't see him any other way, and having such a strong visual representation of him has always been a huge help in making him feel real for all these years:

three headcanons you never told anyone. Disclaimer that I have probably mentioned all of this at some point but it's been seven years of writing this guy and I fear I'm out of completely new material lol

He's never been much of an exercise buff but Miles used to be into running. He had a set circuit when he lived in DC and tried to keep a consistent schedule even when traveling for work. Never got to marathon level but did a lot of 5 and 10Ks, even a half marathon here and there. But it's not something he does anymore largely because there's... really no point. One of the benefits of being possessed and also kinda dead is you don't need to workout! Yaaaaay! Unfortunately without the endorphins and the satisfaction of exertion, running has lost its luster.

Prior to Mount Massive, Miles had a long-term boyfriend from college until they were in their late 20s. The last couple years of it were a tumultuous on-and-off-again relationship that started to deteriorate after he lost his staff reporter job and had to travel more. Prop 8 meant that same sex marriage was off the table, but they talked about engagement and building a serious life together. If Miles hadn't lost his job he probably would've proposed. But, then, if he hadn't lost his job a lot of things would've been different.

Miles is genuinely obsessed with roadside tourist traps -- giant balls of twine and other objects, weird architecture, fake alien sites, that sort of thing. The kitschier the better. If you're roadtripping with him and he spots a funky sign, he's pulling over.

three things your character likes to do in their free time.

Listen to music -- he's almost always got tunes on in the background but will sit down and really get absorbed in an album when he can.

Read -- mostly current events articles, sometimes a good nonfiction book.

Drive -- loves driving around the middle of nowhere to clear his head, even though it's not quite the same without the Jeep (rip).

three people your character loves.

Not technically a person, but the Walrider. Judge him if you want, but after a decade he's accepted that they're fucked up soulmates that were always meant to be <3. It's been a slowburn enemies to lovers journey, but over time he's adapted and stopped hating it for things that weren't really its fault. He's gone from denial to acceptance to tolerance to feeling genuine affection for the Swarm. Maybe it's too complicated to really define as love, but he can't think of a better word.

@mslangermann in some form in all verses always.

People with conviction. People who stand up for themselves and the things they believe in. People who are thoughtful and who care about something bigger than themselves.

two things your character regrets.

Not being a better son and brother before everything went to shit. His life choices and the prideful stubbornness with which he committed to them drove a wedge between himself and his parents, which trickled down into a strained relationship with his sisters. In hindsight, they were just worried about him and only wanted what was best for him -- but he was too absorbed with his career and trying to piece it back together to see that. He regrets arguing with them so much. He regrets not making the most of the time he had when he didn't know it was running out.

Somewhat verse specific, but he very deeply regrets what happened with @mslangermann's husband Blake after Temple Gate. Murkoff picked him out of the wreckage and brought him to another facility -- Miles found him while trying to dig up whatever he could about the cult. Blake was completely catatonic, and probing around in his mind revealed that there was nothing left of him mentally, either. Rather than leave him to suffer in Murkoff's hands, Miles elected to put him out of his misery. And still hasn't told Lynn. He doesn't regret doing it -- truly, there were no options that would have saved Blake -- but he regrets not being honest with her. He also blames himself a bit for not finding him sooner and possibly preventing tragedy.

three phobias your character has.

the dark

confined spaces

heights

tagged by : @demcnsinmymind ty!!! tagging: @cyberpawn, @slidethirtysix, @paramnesias

[jokerislandgirl32]

I was wondering if you had any Violet and Zack wedding headcanons? :) for… (*hides drawing tablet and suspiciously looks around*) no reason whatsoever :D

Awwww, you are so sweet! This ask made me so happy, and I’ve been working hard on it!

Yes, I do have a lot of wedding headcanons! And, I actually wrote a scene from the wedding in the prologue to Wild Violets! I think I’m going to tweak it a bit when I post chapter 1, but I’ll link it here! A03 Wattpad FF.net

But there is more to, it obviously…lol! For starters…they have 2 weddings! I’ll link everything below the cut because it is a lot! And to keep thing more neat and tidy for myself (my ocd’s been bad lately, lol) I’ll answer for the first wedding in this post and second wedding in another post I will tag you in!

Wedding #1

The first wedding is a simple courthouse wedding that occurs shortly Violet’s 23rd birthday in April.

Zach, Violet, his mother Valerie, and Violet’s Aunt Amy, and cousin Paige, Paige’s husband Todd, Paige and Todd’s son Nathaniel, and a few of the Zachbots are in attendance (if you/anyone wants references for them, let me know).

Outfits

Violet does not wear an actual wedding dress, she instead wears a short white party dress that has blue flora appliqués to have her “something blue.” 

Violet’s “something old” is her V butterfly necklace from Zach. 

Her “something new” is her custom made engagement ring from Zach that is gold with rubies and diamonds in the shape of a V were a typical diamond would be (enjoy my lovely rendition of it below, sorry the gold looks awful, lol).

Zach’s mother surprises Violet by loaning her the wedding veil she wore when she married Zach’s father to Violet, giving her “something borrowed.”

Violet wears her hair down in a half up, half down style, similar to the one below, but when they leave the courthouse, Violet trades the veil for some butterfly themed hair jewelry!

Zach wears the same black and gray suit he wore when he and Violet shared their first kiss (looks like below).

Zach and Violet, alone in his headquarters before they go to the courthouse, his hand cupped under her chin: Zach: “This suit brought me good luck the last time I wore it, it changed my life because it made me realize that I loved you. That you were my life.”

Even though it’s a courthouse wedding, Zach’s mom pulls Violet to the side and puts the veil on her, pulling it over her face and walking her to Zach. 

Zach is stunned when he sees Violet, not expecting the veil with the dress, he pulls the veil’s blusher back and holds her face in his hands, Zach: “you are beautiful.”

Violet: “Even given the…circumstances?”

Zach: “You could wear a trash bag and be beautiful.”

Zach’s mom is a florist, so she also surprises Zach and Violet with flowers for the wedding, she brings a small bouquet of flowers for Violet and boutonnières for everyone else.

The flowers are white and royal blue to match Violet’s dress (something like below, but with real flowers).

Ceremony/Reception

At the courthouse, the quick ceremony is performed by a justice of the peace, they kiss, sign the marriage license, and are on their way!

After the wedding they have a small reception on the balcony at Zach’s headquarters with Gourmand catering (vegetarian foods and no alcohol per Violet’s instructions, lol) and all the villains come to celebrate with them at the reception. 

Donita, Valarie, Amy, and Paige decorated the balcony with fairy lights, lanterns, and white, blue, and lilac flowers in various arrangements, and a triangle shaped arch covered with the flowers too!

Zach and Violet share a first dance at the reception to the song Technicolour Beat. It’s a very intense and intimate moment for them, and I imagine Violet’s quietly singing it to him 🥰!

They end the reception with more dancing, photos (they get some sweet hugging and kissing pics, and get some with sparklers for sure!), and they give their guests a special surprise! Any guesses?

Well those are Wedding #1 headcanons! Thank you so much for this ask, I’ve enjoyed working on it! If you have any more questions, please let me know. And if anyone has a questions you can reach out too!

[johaerys-writes]

Get to know me

I was tagged by @baejax-the-great, thank you so much pal! 

Share your wallpaper: My phone background for the past six months or so has been the same Patrochilles art that I'm actually not sure if I should post here without permission from the artist lol. But I can confirm that it's the cutest, most loveliest drawing of them, and Achilles looks so baby in it and I love staring at it every time I open up my phone :')

The last song you listened to: Unbound by Asgeir

Currently Reading:  Ten Days That Shook The World by John Reed (don't ask why or how, but my autistic Special Interest of choice for the past 2-3 weeks has been the political intrigue surrounding WWI and how it fuelled the October Revolution so I've been reading any book/watching any documentary I can get my hands on about it), and I've also been listening to The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath while doing chores and stuff

Last Movie: Everything Everywhere All at Once with @baejax-the-great

Craving: Travel :|

What are you wearing right now: My fluffiest house robe and my fluffy slippers and super comfy and soft socks, and yes I'm still in pyjamas 

How tall are you: 167 cm, no idea how that translates in feet and inches lol don't make me google it

Piercings: I have one piercing in each ear, I've often thought about getting more but needles be scary 

Tattoos: 6, and planning to finish my half sleeve by the end of the year

Glasses? Contacts?: Glasses, and I do sometimes wear contacts as well

Last drink: I am currently drinking some lukewarm coffee with oat milk :3

Last show: In the past couple years I've become so bad with starting shows and actually sticking with them lol, but I did do a rewatch of Neon Genesis Evangelion fairly recently..... OH and I watched Interview with the Vampire with @baejax-the-great a little while back which was super fun!! (because apparently I can't watch something unless I can shit talk or go feral over it with Bae LOL)

Last thing you ate: Toast with peanut butter and an apple

Favourite colour: Oooh that's such a hard question to answer!! The first colour that comes to mind is blue -- I always gravitate towards some version of blue, and currently it's deep navy blue, but I also own a lot of powder blue stuff. It's either that or baby pink or cream tbh, but I also own a good amount of gold/mustard things as well. Yellow makes me happy. I find jewel green incredibly pretty though I weirdly don't own anything of that colour (which reminds me I should perhaps make that a priority)

Current obsession: I'm guessing this is a fandom related question, so I'm going to be predictable and say that I'm, as usual, obsessed with Patrochilles and most of the other pairings I am currently writing, even though anxiety over real life stuff hasn't let me engage with them as much as I want lately. I do think about them a lot and have lots of ideas for new stories, and I'm also working my way back into catching up with fics I love, which I haven't been able to do in a while despite the joy it normally gives me. Brains can be very uncooperative at times, but what can you do about it lol. 

Unrelated Obsession: As I mentioned earlier I have been obsessed with Russian and generally European politics of the early 20th century for some weird ass reason lmao, but I've also been reading an in-depth analysis of Aeschylus' life and work I found in some corner of my library, which led me to looking up some academic papers about it, which led me to signing up for an online course about Athenian tragedy, so um?? I don't know what it is with me and going down those endless rabbit holes lately ahah. 

Any pets: I have a cat, aka a baby and a bastard and a devil spawn all wrapped in one (he is currently sleeping like an angel after attempting to tear down the curtains)

Do you have a crush on anyone: Um. Like, on a real life person? A fictional person? I do have crushes on several of my mutuals so if y'all are reading it I'm kissing you on the forehead MWAH

Favourite fictional character: I can't choose, don't make me choose!!!!!!! I can't choose between my children. But if I had to choose then maybe.... Patroclus? But also, Achilles? But also, my OC Tristan Trevelyan and Dorian Pavus from DA? But also Shiro and Keith from VLD? But also -- SEE, IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO CHOOSE

The last place you traveled: It feels like it's been SO long since I've traveled anywhere. I went to Aegina island last summer but since then I haven't been outside the city for even a DAY and it's been driving me crazy. I just need to see some green and blue and listen to nothing but birds or waves or the wind (at this point I'll even take the rooster that woke me up EVERY DAMN MORNING when I was in Aegina lmao). I'm planning on going on a day trip to Mycenae soon though so I'm very excited about that 😄

Tagging forth to @in-arlathan, @mogwaei, @tessa1972, @aymayzing, @inquisitoracorn, @tevivinter, @elveny, @pikapeppa, @petrowriting @peggy-sue-reads-a-book @juliafied, @vimlos, @gloriesunsung, @figsandphiltatos, @gwensparlour, @glimmerofgold, @sabino-sea, and so many more of my mutuals that I'm actually too shy to tag here. But seriously if you're reading this and it looks fun please do it and tag me, I'm nosy and I want to know everything about you LOL  

[mermaidsirennikita]

Just finished “How to Tame A Wild Rogue” by Julie Anne Long and love, love, LOVED it!! Daphne was such a good heroine - her character arc! And Lorcan - charm itself. I found him such a sexy romantic hero: the looks (scar, earring, slightly longer hair, huge and muscular), the saving a small child, being there for Daphne while also calling her out on things (including when he’s like “oh you LIKE me, you’re down for me” - love that awareness for him)… It was also a really nice pick-me-up because, ngl, been feeling a bit like Daphne at the start of the book lately (life passing you by, etc.). So thanks for that rec! If you have any other recs with a similar vibe/relationship dynamic between the leads would love to get those.

I'm so glad you loved it! I definitely relate to Daphne as well, and it's such a fun book, you know? The hero is charming, the setting is great, I love the way everyone ends up pushed together...

For that "woman who feels like she's missing out on life and then BOOM! A random comes along to upend her world" vibe, I'd recommend:

Suddenly You by Lisa Kleypas--Heroine is old (gasp, pushing 30 lmao) and a virgin who feels like she's just sort of languishing... though she is a successful author lol... So she hires a sex worker to take her virginity. But the guy who shows up at her door is actually the super hot, charismatic publisher dude who wants her next book. She thinks he's the sex worker, and he naturally goes along with it. An affair ensues. Definitely a "shock me to life" book, and has a GHOST of anal fingering, shockingly. TW: miscarriage.

Nine Rules to Break When Romancing a Rake by Sarah MacLean--THEEE example of this vibe, of course. Heroine is in her late twenties and has accepted spinsterhood. But before she chills out forever, she asks a local rake who she's always had a thing for to help her cross off nine things she wants to do--nine rules she wants to break, gasp. It's super adventurous and hot, and has some of my favorite fat rep ever (Callie thinks her body suuuuucks; Ralston thinks Callie's tits are like, sent from the gods lmao). Very luxurious-feeling, if that makes sense?

MacLean does a good job with this trope in general--Wicked and the Wallflower (wallflower heroine/criminal underworld hero named DEVIL) also comes to mind, as does Brazen and the Beast (heroine sets out to fuck shit up before settling into running a company, unmarried, and falls for another criminal underworld man who might value her knot-tying skills quiiiite a bit). It's a bit of a different vibe, but if you haven't read Heartbreaker, you might also get a similar sense there; the heroine is a thief, but she mostly relies on the fact that nobody ever seems to notice her. Cue stern brunch daddy duke who's like "bitch I see nothing BUT you".

The Bride Goes Rogue by Joanna Shupe--A variation on this. The heroine is a proper young lady who's been engaged to the same man since childhood (thanks to their dads) and has sort of put aside running wild because she knows she's going to be that guy's wife. Then that guy is like "ummmm I have never had any intention of honoring the marriage contract" and she goes "WHAT" and decides to do life up big. Part of that involves going to a masked sex party (a real thing in Gilded Age NYC) and hooking up with this stranger... who is actually, of course, the guy who basically just dumped her.

The Sea King by C.L. Wilson--A STRETCH YES, BUT. I felt Seen lol. It's a fantasy romance, and the heroine is the middle, "proper and sweet" sister in this group of magical princesses. She's actually super powerful, but her powers are connected to emotional outbursts, so she's learned to hide them and be very subdued and even avoid attention that might cause an outburst (ie, male attention). The hero is a prince from a matriarchal society who's like, been taught the Sexual Arts and literally lives to Guard and Protect the Pussy, and he SEEEEES her. So hard. No matter how she tries to avoid him. And then a huge adventure thing happens. TW: sexual assault (not by the hero).

Mercy by Sara Cate--Contemporary. The heroine is a part owner of a BDSM club, but she does not identify as kinky, and she basically is doing it as a business thing with her friends. She's very like "I am boring, I am practical, I am not Sexy". Then she randomly takes this quiz the business set up, and it identifies her as a domme. She ends up on an app looking for male submissives just to try it out~ and matches with... her business partner and close friend's son! Who's like 12 years younger than her! And a brat! It's really hot but also surprisingly emotional. I was quite touched. Also............ pegging.

Possession by Adriana Anders. Another contemporary. In this one, the heroine is an up and coming America's sweetheart type actress who entered into a PR marriage with this sex symbol A-List actor. But he doesn't touch her; sex is off the table for them. It's total PR. And she's just kind of like "I am a non-sexual blob to him"; she's also plus size, and you get this sense that she feels very.... desexualized and and disempowered in life? Anyway, her husband fucks up and gets caught on camera fucking this woman who looks.... just like her lol.... In a very kinky way, and he's like "so sorry, I fucked up, I'm going to this place my friend owns where I get my freak on so I can just fuck the pain away" and she's like "UMMMMMM NOT WITHOUT ME" and chases him there. And a lot of emotional but also extremely affirming shit ensues.

His Study in Scandal by Megan Frampton--Heroine is 40 and recently widowed, and she goes to this sex party thing and hooks up with a 28 year old random in order to like, feel alive for the first time and take life by the balls (also him by the balls). But oops, turns out he's the guy being eyed to marry her daughter!

Other "oops I'm falling for my daughter/stepdaughter's potential husband after feeling dead inside for years" recs, as this is a specific variation of this "taking life on" vibe: Her Night with the Duke by Diana Quincy (I do find the heroine a bit more headstrong in this one, and she's in her late twenties still because her stepdaughter is a bit closer in age to her); and The Countess by Sophie Jordan (late thirties heroine, husband is still alive and he sucks!!!!).

Pippa and the Prince of Secrets by Grace Callaway--Been recommending this a lot, but I do love it. The heroine is a recent widow who was shamed by her husband for her horniness and became very shut down as a result. Now that he's dead, she ends up working with her teenage sweetheart, who's now hideously scarred and like, kind of the Pied Piper if it wasn't creepy and all his kids were child spies, lol. He ends up ..... really widening her horizons. Also her legs.