#but empires is fwhips baby

[nho-jungle]

rlly funny seeing hermitcraft fics that revolve around xisuma being the admin and never once mention that there's always at least two other ppl with op VS the empires fics where nobody seems to know that fwhip is admin. ppl keep making scott or (occasionally) pix admin. u got the wrong guy.

[concidineart]

Count fWhip. The guy.

[kisekiii25]

sins of a past life

bonus doodle (babygirl is not taking it well–)

[kokoagarden]

I've been gone for so long hey look new obsession!!! EMPIRES CREATURES!!!

[thedo0zyslider]

Explosions Across Lifetimes - Chapter Thirty Four: Deja Vu - 5k Words

Jimmy makes an alliance with Fwhip, finally gets a tour of Gobland, and has a strange moment right in the middle of it. Right when he thought the whole day would be perfect, too.

A03 Link

Fwhip sees Jimmy again soon after the dragon fight, but not too soon. At least a month or so has passed, and he’s done good work in Gobland. He wanted to see the Sheriff sooner, but he’d been a busy bee! The goblin had gotten more than a little fixated on his work, and it was quite easy to lose track of times in the caves. Actually, it might’ve been closer to two months, now that he thought about it….

But that two month time span doesn't matter now! Because he’s currently on his way to see the Sheriff, right now, as he’s thinking this! He’d decided that they’d been on good terms long enough, and had exchanged enough messages, for an alliance to be a possibility. So that’s why he was heading towards Tumble Town! He was gonna propose an alliance between the mesa and Gobland, two shulker boxes full of goodies with him to sweeten the deal.They held some of the best materials, the best rocks, he’d managed to find over the past two months. And some good quality bones and bonemeal from the bone farm he had! Everyone needed rocks and bonemeal! They were important for building and decoration!

Fwhip skipped along to the mesa, absolutely sure this offer would work. No matter what that anxious little voice in the back of his head said. Jimmy would have to be stupid to not accept the deal, or at least bargain with him, and the Sheriff was anything but stupid! He would certainly go along with the idea, certainly! (At least, that’s what Fwhip told to calm said voice in the back of his head. And what he also kinda believed.) 

He arrives at Tumble Town quicker than expected, his arms only aching a little bit from the weight of the shulker boxes. It seems his general excitement, and a new familiarity with the path to the mesa, had made his movements a lot faster; and he’d gotten here in record time. Fwhip skids down the side of the fishbowl, a little clumsier due to the boxes in his hands, and makes his way across the bottom of it until he finds the man he’s looking for.

“Sheriff!” He called out, spotting a very recognizable hat standing a few feet away. The blonde was leaning against a lamppost, watching something in the distance when Fwhip spotted him. At the call of his name Jimmy jumped, his tail swishing in surprise behind him, and his ears turned backwards towards the sound in fright. The goblin can’t help but giggle, and keeps masking his way towards where his friend rests. 

The Sheriff spins around, arms flying out a little to balance himself. Something he looks quite silly while doing, with his ears still pinned backwards and all that. The absolute goober the Sheriff could be sometimes, honestly. “Fwhip, hi!” He says, reaching up to fix his hat's position. Something he does a lot, the goblin has noticed, anytime the accessory moves even slightly. It must be a very important hat to him then, if it needed so much adjusting.

“Didn’t mean to scare you, Sheriff!” Fwhip says, coming a halt. He sets the boxes down behind him, in what he knows is a half hearted attempt to hide them. Jimmy ignores the obvious boxes for the sake of the bit, focusing all his attention  on the goblin in front of him. Plus, asking about them would ruin the whole surprise, and that wouldn’t be fun at all, now would it?

“It’s alright!” Jimmy says, casually resting a hand on a hip. When he next speaks, he exaggerates his slight southern accent for a silly effect. Fwhip can;t help but smile at the sound, and has to hold back a small giggle or two. “What brings you to Tumble Town?”

“I have come to offer you a deal, actually!” The goblin says, tail swishing behind him with a sort of dramatic flare. He shifts himself further in front of the boxes, hiding the two tall stack behind his head just slightly. It’s the best he can do, really, without having thought out the surprise plan. He’d really just grabbed the shulkers in his excitement to get here, and had decided to improvise along the way. This was, rather sadly, the best he could do with improvising right now.

Jimmy looks curious, his eyes lighting up with intrigue. “Have you?” He asks, gaze pointedly avoiding the two shulkers boxes just barely hidden behind the goblin’s small frame. He’s being a really good sport about not spoiling the rather obvious surprise for him, Fwhip has to admit! Bravo Sheriff!

“Yep!” Fwhip said, dragging the shulker boxes out in front of him, his tail flicking in even more excitement than he had been feeling beforehand. He ignores the scrapping sound they make along the grass, and presents them proudly in front of the Sheriff. “You can have all these rocks and all this bonemeal! And access to my bone farm!” 

“In exchange for..?” Jimmy asked, trailing off at the end there. Despite that he eyed the shulkers excitedly, seemingly eager to see what was inside them. And Fwhip did let him have a peak, so the other would know he wasn’t lying about the deal or anything; and that the boxes really were full of a stupid amount of rocks and bonemeal.

“Just an alliance!” Fwhip says, watching as the Sheriff inspects each box in turn. He lifts both their lids open, and his eyes seem to sparkle at all the contents inside. The goblin, who had been watching the reaction closely, can’t help the happy grin that stretches across his face.

“You have yourself a deal then!” Jimmy snaps the lid of the second box shut, and reaches out to shake his hand. Fwhip takes it quickly, feeling his tail curl up in joy behind him. His foolproof plan had worked! Like it always would! Like all his plans totally did! Tumble Town was now Gobland’s first official ally!

“Great!” Fwhip shakes his new ally’s hand maybe a bit too aggressively in his excitement, but the Sheriff just laughs it off. He returns the energy of the handshake happily, also excited to have this alliance it seems, and causes the both of them to giggle at the force of it all. This had been a great decision so far, just like the goblin thought it would be.

“When I get my gunpowder trade set up, you’ll be the first to get some.” The Sheriff promises after their handshake, going to tip his hat for effect. His ears are upright too, a further indicator of how thrilled he is about this deal; even if his tone of voice and other body language is showing it less. The ears always betray emotions, something the goblin knows far too well.

Fwhip’s tail moves in joy behind him for what has to be the million time that day. “Oh that’ll be great!” He doesn’t even know what this gunpowder farm could possibly look like, but he’s getting excited about it regardless. He’s sure however Jimmy builds and decorates the farm, it's gonna be all western and amazing, just like he is!

“And I really have to see your empire now, if we’re in an alliance.” Jimmy adds, picking up one of the shulker boxes. Presumably to take it to his storage area, and dump all the materials off there. A much better plan than Fwhip’s had been, which was just to let them sit there or something. They weren’t his materials anymore, after all, and therefore he didn’t really have to think about what to do with them.

“You can come over whenever!” Fwhip picks up the second box, his arms still a little achy from the trip over here. But the pain was manageable. He’d carried far more materials across a dangerous cave in much worse conditions many of times before now. This really was nothing compared to that.

“Are you sure? Aren’t you busy a lot?” Jimmy asks, starting off towards the storage area with a shulker box now securely in his arms. Fwhip scurries after him, struggling to keep up with the Sheriff’s longer stride. He almost drops the shulker he’s carrying because of it, but manages to keep it in his arms, thankfully.

“Eh, I always need to take a break.” The goblin says, shrugging the best he can with the cargo in his hands. Jimmy notices he’s lagging behind after a minute, and starts walking slower; which the goblin greatly appreciated. The long walk back home would really suck if both his legs and his arms were already achy.

“I’ll stop by soon then!” Jimmy says, right as they reach his storage room. Which might also be his house. Fwhip isn’t too familiar with the layout of this place yet, which he was keen to change very very soon. They are allies now, after all!

Fwhip makes an excited sound in response, and sets his shulker box on the ground next to Jimmy’s. And after that, he spends the rest of the afternoon unloading and sorting them with the Sheriff, all the while they discuss when the Gobland tour will be. Tail flicking in happiness the whole time, Fwhip insists that Jimmy can come over anytime as they discuss it, and mentally clears his shedulce in preparation for it. 

They sort through the alliance gifts together, and Fwhip knows the next few days are gonna be horrible for the waiting factor, but will be so, so worth it in the end. It will all be so, so worth it when Jimmy can finally see the empire he’s so proud of making.

He just hopes the Sheriff will love it just as much as he does.

______________________________________

Barely two days later, the Sheriff finds himself standing at the entrance to Gobland. Fwhip had no idea he was coming, unless he’d checked the message Jimmy had sent when he’d left Tumble Town. And it had been over an hour since then, one with no response, so he really hoped the goblin had just seen it and forgot to message back. He didn’t wanna be rude about anything by barging into his empire unannounced. Even if Fwhip did do that to him all the time, so maybe the goblin wouldn’t think that's rude… 

He gets off Bullseye slowly, one of the two wild horses he’d taken in recently. He and his brother Arrow had been found injured in the mesa a month or so ago, and nursed back to health. Now they were the Sheriff’s loyal steads, furthering that old western look he had, and the current quickest way of travel. Minus elytra, which he hadn’t gotten around too yet. The End still scared him after their last rather disastrous excursion into the dimension.

The Sheriff shoots Fwhip a message, expecting him to take a minute or so to get up here. Let alone see the message. But, to his surprise, the goblin seems to sprint from wherever he is straight towards the entrance. He pushes open the big door less than five minutes later, and the Sheriff can only blink down at him in surprise while his brain tries to process the sudden appearance of his friend.

“You have a horsie!?” Is the first thing Fwhip says, gaze instantly landing on Bullseye. His eyes widen, and seem to light up like stars at the sight of the Sheriff’s trusty steed. Like he’d never seen a horse, or anything like it, before. Which, considering that he lived almost exclusively in a cave, was probably the case.

“Yeah!” Jimmy says, giving his horse’s side a small pet. He could be rather nervous around strangers, and affection tended to help calm him. He didn’t want the horse freaking out and trampling Fwhip, especially with how small the latter was. “His name’s Bullseye.”

“Can I pet him!?” The goblin asks, walking forward cautiously. He looks up at bullseye with a mixture of fear and curiosity, and still that sense of wonder lingering in his eyes. It’s like a little kid seeing a dog for the first time, his reaction is so wholesome. And also cute as hell, the Sheriff might add. Like, really really cute.

“Of course!”  Jimmy says, grabbing one of Bullseye's reins. He slowly moves the horse closer to Fwhip, giving him comforting pets on the back just in case. But it seems his worries were a little on the overprotective side. Bullseye seemed to be getting used to people more and more as the days went on, and actually seemed curious about the small man in front of him. Fwhip reached up slowly, and looked absolutely amazed for about five minutes as he pet the horse on his spotted muzzle.

“Sorry. We don’t see many horses in the caves, obviously.” Fwhip says, sounding rather sheepish. He runs his fingers through the horse's coarse fur, being very gentle due to his sharp claws. He’d feel downright horrible if he scratched the first horse he ever got to meet, especially one so nice too. Especially if it was one that belonged to Jimmy.

“Is this your first time seeing one?” The Sheriff hums, his earlier suspicions all but confirmed. He wondered what other above ground animals Fwhip, and by extension the other goblins, hadn’t seen. Which made him wonder what cave animals he also hadn’t seen before, and made him wonder how different they would be from the ones he was used to. Living underground and in the dark was sure to produce such different creatures from ones that lived in the air and trees and under the sun’s rays after all.

“Up close, yeah.” The goblin confirms, looking absolutely smitten as Bullseye starts to nuzzle into his palm. Jimmy smiles at the sight, and makes a mental note to bring Bullseye or his brother arrow every time he visits in the future. Even if he has elytra. The happiness on Fwhip’s face is absolutely worth a few more hours of travel.

“We have a whole herd in Tumble Town! You have to see them next time you come over!” Jimmy exclaims, seeing a spare fence post near the door. Probably for this exact reason, actually, since horseback was a common mode of travel for a lot of people. He ties the horse to it, and let's Fwhip get a handful more pets in before he directs his attention away. The Sheriff is sure if he didn’t do anything, the goblin would spend a week mesmerized in front of this horse.

“You mean it!?” Fwhip’s tail flicks in excitement for the first time all day, and Jimmy can’t help but he proud that his words caused it. He wanted to make Fwhip happy all the time, every day, because he loved seeing him happy. He loved seeing him so much he could hardly believe it. If he could make this goblin smile everyday fir the rest of his life, the Sheriff knows he’d be the luckiest man to ever walk the earth.

“Of course, they’ll love you!” The blonde says, deciding now is a good time to move his friends' attention back to the original purpose for today’s meetup. He was itching to finally see this cave empire that had been so personally hyped up to him over the months, after all. “Now, about that tour you promised me?”

“Ah, right, of course!” Fwhip says, hurrying back over to the entrance door. “But first, I also have a friend to show you!” The goblin says, and pushes the empire’s door open. And as soon as they step inside it, the Sheriff is greeted with what the clearly a rather large hog, one that has to be native to the caves for it to even be down here in the first place.

“Woah!” Jimmy exclaims, taking an instinctive step back from the rather large and intimidating hog now infront of him. “That’s a big pig!” This was probably how Fwhip had gotten here so fast, now that he thought about it, This thing was definitely fast as hell, he didn’t even have to see it run to know that. Heck, it could probably keep up with Bullseye on a good day.

“His name is Snort, and he’s my personal stead!” Fwhip says, sounding very proud of that fact. The boar is very clearly dear to him, if his flicking tail and happily perked up ears say anything. “His brother Boris is the Gobland ambassador of Animalia!” The hog himself isn;t actually the ambassador, as Fwhip will explain later. He just accompanies the actual goblin ambassador, but that’s basically the same thing to the goblin king anyways. The animal empire would probably like an animal representative anyways.

Jimmy blinks, impressed by the statement. He didn’t have anything like an ambassador yet, and should probably look into all that political stuff when he gets home. Even if politics aren’t really his forte . “Is he friendly?”

“Ohh he’s very friendly,” Fwhip says, walking closer towards his pet. He beckons the Sheriff forward, and Jimmy approaches slowly. He’s still rather hesitant, considering how big the animal is, and how he’s never been around anything bigger than a horse. “Loves being pet, too!” Fwhip is clearly inviting him to meet the animal, just like the goblin had done with Bullseye not even ten minutes earlier. So the Sheriff decides to get it over with, and meet a giant pig for the first time ever in his life. And it certainly won’t be the last.

Jimmy reaches his hand out slowly, hesitant as it gets closer to the frankly massive hog in front of him; one that could totally kill him if it wanted to. But Snort does not kill him, or even attack him, all he does is make a sound as the Sheriff gives him a scratch behind the ear. He seems to be enjoying the feeling, and Jimmy gives him a few more scratches before eventually pulling his hand away.

“Not so scary is he?” Fwhip asks, giving the boar a big hug. Well, the biggest hug he can give, with how big the animal is compared to its owner. And how small the goblin is in general. It’s still a cute sentiment regardless, and the cave hog makes a happy grumble in the back of his throat. It seems to be a big sap, just like it’s owner was.

“No, not really.” Jimmy says, smiling at Snort. He really wasn’t that scary, not after a few minutes at least. Even though he still had tusks that could one hundred percent impale a man and a bad case of resting bitch face. But, despite that, he was friendly, and maybe kinda cute. Oh, and also Fwhip liked him a lot, so Jimmy decided he would too. Anyone or anything his ally is fond of is a friend of the Sheriff’s, after all!

“And he’s gonna help us on the tour!” Fwhip exclaims, crawling up onto the saddle that rested on Snort’s back. Jimmy watched him in amusement, his ears flicking passively as well. Once the goblin has situated himself on the saddle, he points forward, and pulls on the hogs reins lightly. “Onward! For the grand tour of Gobland!” He exclaims, and then they set off deeper into the caves, the tour he’d been waiting for for so long finally starting.  

They start on a tour around the empire, Fwhip showing him nearly every building and telling him what each one’s function is. Jimmy appreciates the detailed explanation, but is a little surprised. It’s certainly more than he would, and has, done for tours of Tumble Town before. He also hopes he can remember all the information being thrown at his ears, knowing he’s gonna feel a little bad if he forgets on future visits; so he pays attention the best he can. Even if it's hard not to get distracted by the big flashy signs and complex railways.

The goblin tells him about everything he’s built in these last few months it feels like. The Sheriff is told about the blacksmiths and the stone masons, the most recent and profitable shops for the empire that Jimmy just has to check out some time because they have the best deals on rocks and tools. He tells him more about the bone farm he mentioned, and how successful the endeavor has been, how half of the other emperors are gonna get scammed when he changes the pass for it. But not Jimmy though, the Sheriff will never be scammed by his most loyal ally. He points out the broken cobble farm he’s proud of regardless, all the new roads that had been built, the rather impressive pen and barn for the pigs and hogs. (Much better than the horse’s pen at home, Jimmy does have to admit to himself He’s really gotta work on those building skills.) If, in his excitement, the goblin accidentally slips up and says something about secret railways while they put Snort in said animal pen, then Jimmy chooses to ignore it. Especially since one of those definitely not real tunnels is said to go to Joel’s empire, and the Sheriff totally does not want to take advantage of that. Not at all.

He listens to Fwhip’s whole ramble as they walk, soaking up every word he can. Even if the goblin is rambling, and talking much too fast for most people to keep up with. But Jimmy still tries to do so. He likes hearing Fwhip speak, likes hearing his voice. He thinks it's cute too, how the other emperor has a tendency to go on these passionate rambles, seemingly by accident, jumping from topic to topic as they flash across his mind. He clearly has a lot of love for his empire, his people, and all the recent improvements and additions, and the Sheriff can’t help but find that trait both admirable and enticing at the same time.

(He wants Fwhip to rant about him like that, one day..)

The Sheriff caught a small glimpse of Fwhip’s storage room as he walked past, a shine from inside it catching his eye. A pile of gold was stacked against the very back wall of the room, parts of the pile reaching from the floor to the ceiling, while other parts were just small piles of coins scattered across the floor. He only meant to observe the room for a second, but the universe had a different plan; it seemed. Ths Sheriff blinked once, and suddenly the storage room was replaced with another sight, another room and a different place in time, one that felt vaguely familiar to the Sheriff. But only if he really concentrated on the feeling.

He thinks this is a vision of somesort, and has no idea why one is happening to him right now. And when he had really wanted things to go well with Fwhip, too. But regardless of what he hopes, his vision goes black before he blinks, and then he is transported to a whole different place in time entirely.

A pile of what was presumably old and failed inventions crowded the corner of a study room. Some were broken and had missing pieces, while others were covered in rust. Parts of the pile almost reached up to the ceiling, and he'd never figured out why the failed items were kept, having chalked it up to hoarder tendencies. To each their own, but J̵̮̥̲̻̳̭̠̿͒i̸̡͕͕̓̍͋̿̚m̵̩̟̳͙̙̣͝ḿ̷̡̻̺̼̲̑͌͌͝ỹ̵̛̮̬̗͙̼̺̻̝̾̒͘ didn’t really see a point in keeping such junk. Maybe F̵̩̻̺͕͍͊̂w̷̧͙̙̭̯͎̲̒͊ͅh̸̢̦̹̳͙̼͐̈́i̶̧̯̙̻̳̣̲͝ͅp̸̺̰̣̻̓̀͐̑͑͛̓ was just reallt attached to his inventions, or saw some possible future use in them. Somehow 

The walls were lined with various blueprints in sketches. All of them were quite detailed, nothing J̵̮̥̲̻̳̭̠̿͒i̸̡͕͕̓̍͋̿̚m̵̩̟̳͙̙̣͝ḿ̷̡̻̺̼̲̑͌͌͝ỹ̵̛̮̬̗͙̼̺̻̝̾̒͘ could decipher, especially not at a distance. Or up close, probably, he wasn’t good with all that stuff. The papers were all clearly of varying ages, some just barely turning yellows while some of the blue sheets looked ready to fall off the wall. F̵̩̻̺͕͍͊̂w̷̧͙̙̭̯͎̲̒͊ͅh̸̢̦̹̳͙̼͐̈́i̶̧̯̙̻̳̣̲͝ͅp̸̺̰̣̻̓̀͐̑͑͛̓’s artistic prowess was quite impressive, and the ability to draw was something his fellow rulers rarely saw. Usually they saw his sketches when the drawings had been turned into full functioning inventions. One’s trying to kill or explode him or something, usually.

Jimmy feels his vision go black again before he blinks for a second time, and leaves the weird vision just as quickly as he had entered it. The strange study room was gone, and he was looking at the storage room and the large pile of gold once more. Fwhip was now standing next to him again, the little goblin giving him a worried look. ‘Sheriff, you okay?” He asks, hesitantly giving his vest a tug, careful that his claws don’t catch on the fabric. “You just kinda stopped walking and zoned out..”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Jimmy says, shaking his head a bit. His vision seems to be spotty from his, well, vision he’d just had. Hopefully it will clear up in a few minutes, or this visit is gonna have to end early. He can’t really admire Gobland’s greatness if he can’t see it, after all. “You can carry on with the tour!”

Fwhip does not carry on the tour like his guest wanted him to. Instead he raises an eyebrow, and lightly tugs on the Sheriff’s vest again. His friend is still worrying, despite the Sheriff’s reassurance. (An admittedly bad reassurance after that, but whatever. It was good enough in Jimmy’s head, and worked on the people back in Tumble Town well enough.) “Are you sure?”

“I’m absolutely positive!” Jimmy insists again, hesitantly putting a hand over Fwhip’s. That seems to convince him just a little bit, the expression of his face softening slowly. He lets go of the vest, his movements still reluctant, and Jimmy moves his hand away as well. The goblin gives him one last worried glance for a bit, but slowly starts up the tour again regardless. For Jimmy’s sake more than anything, probably. They move past the storage room, and go towards what else Fwhip has yet to show him. Even if there wasn’t a lot left to tour, really.

The tour is now just showing him small bits and pieces of the empire, and recapping everything as they head back towards the entrance. But with a lot less rambling this time, and a lot more digestible information. Oh, and Fwhip shows him where the bone farm he mentioned is, and also gives him a pass. A forever pass, as he calls it, tipping Jimmy off that he’s probably gonna scam all the rest of their friends with their own passes. Or that’s the plan, at the very least. And as the Sheriff, Jimmy should probably stop him from doing that. But no one’s actually been scammed yet it seems, and this is Fwhip , so he guesses that it’s fine for now…

Speaking of Fwhip, his occasional glances back at Jimmy for the remainder of the tour, ones that still held concern, do not go unnoticed. The Sheriff finds himself rather endeared by them, and cannot help the small flutter in his chest whenever their eyes meet. But Fwhip doesn’t need to worry, because he’s not lying. He truly is fine after the vision, other than being a little startled and put off by the whole experience.

To reassure the other, Jimmy does reach for his hand towards the end of their walk back. Fwhip doesn’t take it immediately, having to process what’s happening. But eventually, he does take the Sheriff’s, faces a little red, and gives his hand a squeeze. Jimmy feels his heart flutter at all of that, and squeezes back. Judging by the heat on his face, he’s pretty sure he’s turning red because of his goblin friend, and not for the first time either.

Fwhip is…. handsome. Cute in his own goblin-y little way. Enough to tug on the Sheriff’s heartstrings and make him blush ever so slightly whenever they would talk. It causes a new type of feeling to flutter up in his chest, one that is not unwelcome. It is just unfamiliar. And like all new things, Jimmy needs time to adjust to it, even if it is an amazing new thing.

Being so attached to a boy is also ….a new thing for the Sheriff, to say the least. Well, he knew he could be into other guys, he’d known that for a few years now; it’s just…different to actually be living it is all. Very different, when it's real instead of some fantasy. And especially when it's a short goblin king instead of any buff dude he’d been imagining so far. But not much can be done about that, really.

This feeling feels vaguely familiar if he thinks about it, kinda like how that room in that vision had felt; familiar . He doesn't know how or why either of those things feel like that, but the Sheriff doesn't mind it. It makes all the newer feelings feel a lot less scary. It makes being with Fwhip like this a lot less scary, which he likes more than he would ever admit.

The tour ends as quick as it starts, and they are back where they started at the tunnel leading to the surface. The tunnel who’s copper roof needs some cleaning, Fwhip notes, spying the rust on top of it. He also groans about having to get up there, and how many hours that would take him and how much honey he would need. Jimmy frowns at how disappointed his friend sounds, and decides to extend a helping hand.

“I can help!” Jimmy offers, taking a glance up at the tunnel’s roof. It would take hours for one person to clean this by themselves, especially a goblin like Fwhip. The roof is rather low down, to where Jimmy has to bend over a bit to avoid hitting his head, but the goblin would still have to do a bit of maneuvering to reach most parts of the roof.

Fwhip looks over at him, clearly surprised by the offer. “You really don’t have too.” He says, tail flicking behind him. He sounds so sincere, like he wouldn’t want to make the Sheriff stay any longer. Or make him do anything he wouldn’t enjoy doing. But Jimmy likes spending time with the goblin, and likes helping him out, so this is no big deal at all!

“I insist! It’ll go quicker with the two of us.” He says, taking another glance up at the roof. Two people really would make it go faster, considering all of the roof is either fully oxidized or halfway through the process. This would genuinely take hours to do single handedly, and would also be a horribly unpleasant thing as well. He would feel bad if he just left without even offering to help, or without making any sort of attempt too.

“Well, fine, if you insist.” Fwhip agrees, and then runs off to get the honey from his storage chest. He says he’ll only be a minute, and is true to his word. It feels like Jimmy blinks once and then the goblin is already running back, arms full of the sticky substance. This guy has to have like, super speed or something, or maybe all goblins are just fast. Which is definitely something to inquire over later.

Or his head is still messed up from earlier, which is also equally as possible. But again, that was something else to inquire over later. When this roof was clean and he was back at home; and therefore could properly check himself for any side effects or injuries that vision may have caused. He doesn’t think there are any side effects, but better safe than sorry as they say.

Fwhip hands him a bunch of the honey he brought, and they make quick work of the roof together, probably cutting the usual cleaning time in half. The goblin tends to the lowest parts of the roof, while Jimmy bends his arm awkwardly to reach some of the highest ones; the ones he has to duck to not hit his head on. It takes a bit to get each section clean, but it’s a pretty satisfying process. Even if his arm does start to hurt a bit in the process.

Fwhip even scurries his way onto Jimmy’s shoulder, reaching for the highest part of the roof neither of them can reach on their own. The highest point of the roof towards the entrance, where it opens up to match the height of the rest of the cave. Fwhip cleans it quickly as possible, and Jimmy tries not to think about the warmth on his shoulders. It’s nice that the goblin feels comfortable enough and already trusts the Sheriff enough  to climb on him like this; the thought making him feel all fuzzy inside.

Fwhip hops down once he’s done, and starts  heading back towards the entrance once again like nothing had happened. Though the happy movement of his tail betrays him, and Jimmy watches it fondly as he follows the little goblin back. He smiles fondly at the sight, and goes to hold Fwhip’s hand again. The goblin takes it instantly this time, and they both squeeze each other's palms once more; just like earlier. 

They end up outside Gobland’s entrance door once again, Fwhip giving Bullseye even more attention before the Sheriff departs. The two leave each other with promises to see each other soon, sooner than they had this time. Jimmy agrees to meet up in a week from now with a smile, and feels his face turn red at the beaming grin the goblin gives in return. They’d just set the date, and he already can’t wait for the week to pass.

Fwhip gives his hand one last friendly squeeze, and then lets go so the Sheriff can mount his horse. He calls out goodbyes as Jimmy rides off into the sunset, all the way until his friend has disappeared into the tree line and is no longer visible. The goblin ruler only stands outside for a minute after that, before darting back in the cave excitedly. He has to tell Snort and the other hogs all about today, just like he tells them about all the fun things; even if they can’t understand him. (They like hearing him talk regardless, Fwhip is pretty sure.)

The days before the visit will not go fast enough, even as Fwhip works to make them go faster. He cannot wait for that fateful day, and knows the excitement will bubble up inside him no matter what he does. He can’t help feeling like this, not when it comes to the Sheriff, and won’t try to either. Today had been the best day of his, and hopefully Jimmy’s, life so far, and he knows the next time they meet will be even better.

[syn4k]

Finally, I Can Maintag This After Nine Months

Hello everyone! This post is about my very long (80k) Empires S1 fanfiction, (i'll tend to the flame, you can worship the) ashes.

Ashes has been nine months in the making, and the last chapter was just posted today. It is twice as long as my previous longest published work and I made a lot of it up as I went.

The premise is this: The Rapture was three months ago, and Gem and Fwhip are on their way out of the world. They land for the night on the edge of the desert, and stumble upon a certain emperor, who's been missing for eight years and long presumed dead. Which is great! They found him! But... he's strangely quiet.

More details and a general FAQ for the fic under the cut.

Why does this fic have the Graphic Depictions of Violence warning and the Author Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings ratings applied at the same time? What does that mean?

I explain my full reasoning in a post here, but basically, I wanted to let people know that there was violence while also implying that there were also some other things that needed to be handled carefully that aren't necessarily covered by an Archive warning.

Ashes has the Canon Compliant tag attached, but this is a scenario that I've never seen in canon before.

This is correct. When I started writing this, my tag for this fic was #ashes au because I was pretty sure that I was going against canon with some of the details I was including. I added that tag later after realizing that even though some of the specific details didn't line up, it counted to me. (The tag stuck because I've linked it everywhere by now and don't want to change it.)

As for the post-canon status of this work, Ashes was mainly started because I felt like Pixl's ESMP s1 POV (which ended early because he got busy with another project; this happens to everyone and i do not hold it against him) deserved to be finished and so I set out to write it. Pix later said in an Empires S2 livestream and then in his s2 finale that every interpretation of what happened to the Copper King was correct, so I just went with it.

If I wanted to make fanart or fanfiction of this fanfic, could I do that?

There is a section for that on the website I made for Ashes! (I learnt HTML at 12am for this. I couldn't sleep.) Any questions you have that aren't answered by that, send me a message or an ask and I'll be happy to answer.

[wren-kitchens]

okay burnout has hit me like a truck in the past couple weeks and right now i’m forcing myself to rest so I can actually. overcome it gajdhsj and this has involved reading a lot of my old wips that I have abandoned

because of this, I have refound an empires s2 flower husbands au I have that I am so obsessed with, so I shall share it with you (you’re so welcome)

below the cut is a whole lot of rambles and a few drabbles of the au that I sent to my good friend stiff at like midnight whilst I was meant to be doing homework last may

(very long post under cut. be warned)

so in s2 when fwhip got the crown (originated in s1 where fwhip’s s1 character—very different from his s2 character—created the Crown (tm), and whoever wore it would have the power to give all the emperors one rule they had to follow. lots of fights broke out, joel had an amazing moment where scott was giving fwhip the crown and he yoinked it just before fwhip could get it, you get the picture) his rule was that everyone had to ‘take care’ of a goblin child. the catch was that you had to hold it in your offhand at all times, and that it was a retextured egg, so if you accidentally threw (yeeted) it, the child would ‘die’ and part of the rule was to NOT YEET THE CHILD. if you ‘killed’ the child, you could either pay 10 raw gold blocks, or care for another child

anyway, scott was the first one to get a child (against his will) and reiterated that he was ‘NOT READY TO BE A FATHER’ and I watched that and thought. I could flower husbands this so I did

scott arriving at jimmys house at the ass crack of dawn (because I imagine scott to be an early riser and jimmy to not) pounding on his door until a very tired jimmy opens it and asks wtf he’s doing it’s like 6am, whereupon scott thrusts a baby in his face like ‘HELP ME I AM NOT READY FOR THIS’. this wakes jimmy up, understandably

I imagine they’d have a conversation like ‘why do you- WHY DO YOU HAVE A CHILD??’ ‘FWHIPS RULE, JIMMY YOU GOTTA HELP ME’ ‘ME?? WHY DO YOU THINK I COULD HELP??’ ‘I DON’T KNOW YOU SEEM LIKE YOU’D BE GOOD WITH KIDS’ ‘WHY’

after about five minutes of shouting, the baby (who had been asleep this whole time) wakes up and starts to cry. scott is not ready for this and sort of holds the baby at arm’s length, panicked. jimmy sort of sighs and goes ‘give them to me’. turns out, jimmy is surprisingly good with kids, unbeknownst to him (tiny tom was gifted to jevin before he could even process it) and to the great relief of scott, who had been panicking the whole night

so. jimmy and scott are now co-parenting a child. surely no romantic tension can come from this!

well, at the start, they’re barely allies—scott only allied with jimmy so he’d get free gunpowder, and never spared a second thought when it came to teasing him, so for the first couple days, it’s quite awkward between them. mainly on scotts part—jimmy didn’t want the baby to be moved too much, and insisted that scott be just as involved as raising the child as he was, so scott just kinda. stayed at jimmy’s

they’d occasionally nip out to get more food or to explain their absence in meetings, to enormous teasing and some genuinely helpful tips from joel and sausage, who had a pretty similar experience when raising hermes (thrust into parenthood by accident and somewhat panicked when babies did what babies do best, cry through the night, poop and make lots of mess), but most of the time they’d be in the house, or taking a short walk around tumble town with the baby. what I mean to say is, they spend an awful lot of time together

so one evening they’re sat on the porch watching the sunset, the baby asleep in jimmy’s arms, and they start to talk. like actually talk; they’d been kind of skirting around each other and making semi-awkward small talk for the past couple of weeks until now, and it feels good to actually feel like they’re close. almost friends

and it sort of blooms from there

they start to actually talk every day now, even just making passing remarks and jokes that feel friendly rather than hostile, offering to take the baby when they can tell the other is tired, and sharing quiet smiles when the baby finally gets to sleep

jimmy starts teasing scott about how terrified he looked when he arrived at the door, and about how terrified he looks still every time he changes the baby’s nappy. scott makes jokes about jimmy being the opposite of an early bird, and ‘fixes’ his bed-head by ruffling it even more

it gets to a point where they’re just sharing casual touches—bumping hips and squeezing shoulders as they pass each other; resting their head on each other’s shoulders as they complain about how they tired they are; jokingly calling each other ‘beloved husband’ and pretending to kiss each other’s hand—and they realise that huh. maybe they’re not so bad after all

they settle on a name for the baby: lexie. it took a lot of back and forth (jimmy wanted to name her alex, scott wanted to name her robbie, they settled on lexie as a compromise. scott jokes sometimes that they should have gotten another child and called them steve, if they were to go with jimmy’s name)

it takes them a few weeks to notice that.. lexie has changed since they took her in. she’s more real, more solid, more warm than she used to be. her crying sounds more human, and her appetite is increasing, and they realise that-

fwhip didn’t give them real children at all. he knew of course that it would be a complete disaster if he did, and he was right—so many of the dolls (because that’s all they originally were, dolls) were broken and damaged, over and over again. but lexie wasn’t. she was never hurt, she was never damaged, nothing beyond a simple scratch from a confused norman or a bruise where she’d banged her arm on the corner of the table. and so lexie.. stopped being a doll.

fwhip came over to check one day, curious if the goblin baby was still unbroken and safe (the crown had long since been passed on, there was no need for them to keep the baby) and was enormously surprised to find out that, not only was she safe, but she was alive—alive in a way that he never thought could be possible—and a stranger sight still: a family

because that’s what they were, no matter how it’d come to pass. a confusing, chaotic, happy, healthy family

and slowly, ever so slowly, something between scott and jimmy started to change.

they revelled in lexie learning to crawl, to babble, the first time she tried solid food, the first time she bit their fingers and they felt teeth, and they did it together. they groaned at 4am feedings, and gagged at nappy changes, and went to bed exhausted, and they did it together. they cooked and cleaned and brushed their teeth over the sink and they did it together. everything they did, it was together

and they were just waiting for it to be monotonous. they anticipated the moment when it became annoying, or tiresome, or flat out unbearable with dread. but that moment never came

sure, they’d get sick of each other every once in a while. jimmy would snap at scott’s teasing in the early morning, and scott would refuse to change lexie’s nappies until he’d had a nap. but barely minutes later the outbursts would be followed by a bashful hug from behind, a mumble of ‘i’m sorry, I wasn’t fair’, a promise of ‘i’ll try to do better’

they started to find that they simply didn’t have it in them to hate it. they just couldn’t bring themselves to dislike the other; not with jimmy and his early morning drowsiness, his bright laughs, his gentle strength; not with scott and his late night weariness, his soft smiles, his teasing jokes

and soon they started to realise that they were headed towards something very different to hate

scott understood first

he’d been having these feelings for a while now, and his suspicion had started to increase every time he couldn’t help laughing when jimmy was a particularly big goof, or how his heart would soar when he’d wake up entangled in jimmy’s embrace.

it wasn’t until one night, long after lexie had fallen asleep, when both of them sat on the sofa, reading.

but today, he hadn’t been able to see jimmy as much; there was a mandatory meeting for all the rulers, with the exception of jimmy and scott, as they were taking care of lexie: only one of them had to go. scott, who only had to take one look at poor, sleepy jimmy to know that if he was to go, zero information would be retained, offered to go instead.

the meeting was much longer than he’d anticipated, and certainly not on a topic he’d deem mandatory to attend—something about pix remaining a ghost after he withered away at the princess party.

either way, when scott came back, jimmy had spent almost the entire day looking after lexie, and stopped only to give scott a one-armed hug and inform him that lexie was in her crib before he went for a nap. scott was seriously deprived of jimmy time.

which is why he’s staying up late now—just to get in as much time as he can before he inevitably falls asleep. which seems to be happening much faster than he’d anticipated.

next to him, scott hears the familiar quiet chuckling of jimmy, and the sound of a page being marked.

“scott, tell me you didn’t stay up just so you could see me.” jimmy says softly.

“never.” scott blinks, trying to escape the heaviness of his eyelids. in fact, his whole body feels heavy with sleep, as if weighed down by some invisible force.

“you sausage.” jimmy says, and scott notes the fondness in jimmy’s voice. “i’m gonna take you to bed, is that alright?”

“I think I can manage that.” jimmy says.

scott feels arms underneath his knees and around his waist, before he’s hoisted into the air. he presses close to jimmy’s chest, wrapping his arms around jimmy’s neck and burying his face in his shirt.

“I missed you today.” scott tells him. “I kept looking over to make a face at you in the meeting, but you weren’t there.”

jimmy smiles, and scott thinks he could watch him do just that all day. “you sap.”

“you’re carrying me to bed, jimmy.” scott points out.

“I never said I wasn’t a sap.” jimmy tells him, pushing their bedroom door open with his hip. “lucky you’re in your pyjamas already, because I would’ve made you get up to change.”

“I take it you are changing?” scott says, smiling again as jimmy lays him carefully down on the bed and pulls the covers around him. “thank you.”

jimmy presses his lips against scott’s forehead, and his eyes flutter shut. “‘course. beloved husband.”

something in scott’s chest glows as he slips into the land of sleep, and as jimmy’s arms wrap around him from behind a minute later, he can’t help admitting to himself something he thinks he might have known for a long time.

because wow. he really does love jimmy, huh?

so one day, scott is up early (as usual) and feeding lexie at the table when jimmy comes up behind him and hugs him from behind, wearing his pyjamas - which are just joggers and a white tshirt - and scott is able to see something that he hadnt actually noticed before: along the outsides of jimmy's arms are small little scars, looking curiously close to stitches

scott asks how he got them when jimmy is awake enough, and jimmy just goes 'oh yeah, joel did it'. scott just kinda. stares at him for a moment until jimmy realises thats a very confusnig answer, and explains a little more

joel, however he may claim, is very new to his powers, and for a while didnt actually understand how they worked. he and sausage never actually meant to create a real child (hermes didnt have a name for a long time), they were just mucking around one night and somehow hermes became alive. something similar happened with jimmy

joel just thought it was a funny joke to call jimmy a toy, and being unaware of his powers, never really considered that it coukd have a genuine affect on jimmy. but sure enough, jimmy started to notice significant changes, and after a while, he had become a toy. jimmy just thought joel had done it on purpose, and for a while he was just furious with him for doing this to him

but when they formed their alliance after the fighting was over, joel saw the stitching along his arms and the yarn of his hair and was entirely panicked when jimmy asked him to reverse it, because he had no idea he could do that and was horrified to find out that he'd done this to jimmy

jimmy was somewhat relieved to know that joel didnt actually do it on purpose, and slightly terrified to find out that joel had. no clue how to reverse it

it took a little while of trial and error, but finally joel figured out how to turn him back into a human. the only issues? it hurt. jimmy supposed he should have expected it - the initial transformation had happened over months - but at that moment all he could think about was how awful the pain was.

afterwards, joel healed his wounds, and explained with a shellshocked expression that the stitches had ripped out of his arms (thats where the scars came from, jimmy tells scott.) it stopped hurting very shortly after, what with joel's healing, but sometimes jimmy feels almost phantom pains in his arms from that horrible moment

scott likes to trace up and down the scars on his arms, sometimes to calm jimmy, sometimes just because he likes the look on jimmy's face when he does it

[hollowwish]

Sausage desperately telling everyone that no, he did NOT fuck fwhip they did NOT make a baby together is so funny

[probablyjustturtle]

fWhip doodles! Ft. New lore from the stream today, a fresh baby fWhip straight from the ground!

[enjithequeer]

Empires SMP S2

You can't just say empires smp s2 is coming to end.

I found out the worst way possible (On TikTok). But that doesn't mean I'll stop writing Fanfics about them, so my Ancestors of the Overgrown fanfic will continue until I finish writing it.

I will probably rewatch Jimmy's POV of S1 and 2 once S2 ends if I'm being honest, and I will also watch other Esmp members also, both S1 and 2.

I will also be crying (In a corner) and complaining to my friends once it ends, tbh.

I watched Katherine's final EP, and it was a happy end, which is nice, but will all the empires get a good one? (I hope so)

[kelp-my-beloved]

The twins, as Sausage saw them, were two faces of the same coin. They were the prideful, bite-first-and-ask-later, kids of the old Count. Sausage was, too, if only by blood, but it wasn’t blood what had shaped them into what they were. They loved each other to death, yet they didn’t know how to stop hurting each other. Or him, too, he liked to believe. That the way they seemed to be playing tug with him, pushing him away and then inviting him to come closer was just the way they coped with having a third person close to them.

or; Sausage learns the truth about his father. It's... complicated, specially when he can't find the words to tell his half-siblings the truth.

fandom: Empires SMP

wordcount: 15k

tags: MythicalSausage (Video Blogging RPF), GeminiTay (Video Blogging RPF), Bryce | fWhip, Sir Carlos the Chicken (Empires SMP), Empires SMP Season 1Bryce | fWhip and GeminiTay are Twins, Bryce | fWhip and GeminiTay and MythicalSausage are Siblings, Politics, so much of that so many headcannons, Hurt/Comfort, Bittersweet Ending, IMO, Family Secrets, Sibling Bonding, Bad Parenting, Emotions, no beta we die like my expected wordcount, this wasnt supposed to be longer than 5k, Stand Alone, listen relationships need work and honesty and sausage sucks at both of those things, can you have older sibling complex if youre the youngest one and also learnt you had siblings like five minutes ago

[witherhusbandsislife]

For context: I am Arabic and Muslim-raised, I'm not just pulling this out of my ass, this is my own culture so don't accuse me of cultural appropriation please-

~~~

In Islam, there's this concept, Mahram, which is basically the men that a specific women can be uncovered (without hijab/modesty) in front of or around. 

Mahram also means the men that a woman cannot marry, because they are family to her, people that can see her without hijab. 

For any woman, her brothers, father, sons, uncles, and grandfathers are all mahram- she cannot marry them because they are blood, and so she can be uncovered in front of them. If she gets married, the husband would be added in as a mahram as well.

I bring this up because I came up with a super lore headcanon that doesn't exactly fit very well with anything but whatever, i wanna toss my own culture in and so i shall-

The only way a person can be made mahram to someone without being related by blood or marriage is through breastfeeding- basically, if an unrelated baby boy and girl were breastfed by the same person, regardless of whether that person is their parent or not, then those two babies are now siblings and mahram to each other; in Islam, they cannot marry each other, because they are siblings. 

A lot of people headcanon Sausage, Fwhip, and Gem as siblings- I ship wither husbands, so im not much of a roseblings follower, but i can make it work-

Mythland and Pixandria fought a lot in canon- we can make pre-canon lore for this that makes the two empires have a long history of battling each other-

and when two places fight each other so much, theres the inevitability of the two picking up customs and culture from each other from so much interaction, from soldiers living in the other empire for so long they learn new things and bring them back home-

And Pixandria is a desert empire, adding in Arabic culture with them makes sense, to a certain extent- 

Mythland picks up the cultural habit of, not of mahram, but of the method of making two unrelated children related for adoption purposes.

Years later, when the Grimlands/Crystal Cliffs, in their still combined-into-one-empire glory, come to make an alliance with Mythland, they propose an alliance of adoption, instead of marriage.

The newly-born heir of Mythland and the newly born heirs of Grimlands-Crystal Cliffs are breastfed by the same nurses, and are raised together as siblings, ensuring that the three empires would have a strong alliance bound by kin and family for years to come. 

Thoughtsss? I'm quite proud of it :> 

[inbetweenhours]

More of my parent/family musings about the empire characters! Got inspired and finished off my ideas for the season 1 cast!

vvv Links to other musings below vvv [Shrub here | Scott, Sausage, & Seablings here | Joel, Joey, & Katherine here]

Anyways, my art style slipped out of the cartoonish way it had been doing the others in this series so these are more normal sketches than the others.

under the cut I'll drop some quick ideas I have about the parents, like I have on previous posts for those interested :] Enjoy!

First up are LeeryDoe and KeenBronze! I'm sure the Grimland's naming scheme is making a bit of sense seeing the family all next to one another. Both the twins parents are Grimland's engineers, while LeeryDoe specializes more in concept and planning vs KeenBronze expertise in metalworking they make a pretty good team! They're a pretty normal family with their ups and downs. Not perfect by any means but there is care even when they don't necessarily fit together well. I could take about them ages but we see glimpses of them in my fic War on our Shores so I won't blab here lol.

Quick Note on Fwhips name, "Fwhip" is a nickname for FailWhip which google tells me is his old username. I have translated this to mean that the idea of "failing" isn't a bad thing in the Grimland and it has more associations with the idea of learning and perseverance or progress which is why its not a miserable baby name lol.

Pearl and her parents! I had some trouble with them since my Pinterest board for Helianthians is a bit difficult for me. But I managed! Her mum is guardian of Helianthia before Pearl inherits the title. She may be called the farmer queen by other nations, but Guardian is her official title. I don't have too many thoughts about them, they're farmers, they do politics when they need to, they're pretty chill mostly. Baby Pearl was difficult to design tho.

Pix was by far the most difficult child to design just because a big thing about identifying Pix's character in art for me is his age and especially his beard and taking that tire and age away really makes him hard to identify. I managed though lol.

Pix's parent I don't have many thoughts for outside of the idea of them being very haunted. Very tired haunted eyes, between being queen and being the keeper of the vigil I think they're a rather mourning duo and Pix's childhood was kinda emotionally weird because of that.

anyway that's all i got, so long till i figure out my season 2 cast maybe! :] feel free to ask questions about this i love my fanon lore a lot lol

[piglinmyfeet]

Empires S1 posting time!!

[hmshermitcraft]

some early/mid Empires 2 Fwhimmy for the theme? 🥺

Like, Jimmy is like "I like him, but he's kinda mean to me and also stole my stuff, I think he hates me", Fwhip doesn't know how to express his feelings for Jimmy, and Gem is just shaking him like " OH MY GOD, JUST KISS THE MAN ALREADY AND GET THIS OVER WITH, IT'S GETTING PAINFUL TO WATCH!!"

fWhip really needs to get a better flirting method than... Whatever this is. She thought they'd been through this during the first empires, but no! He's doing it again because he's a big baby that can't handle his feelings.

She's sitting fWhip down at a desk and making him write a confession. She's not going through this for another season. She's not strong enough.

[ep2nd]

Incorrect quotes, Empires superhero AU edition. From @pacificwaternymph, go check it out on Ao3 too!

--

Xornoth: I have an idea

Sausage: Does it involve fire?

Xornoth: No

Joey: Does it involve burning something down?

Xornoth: No

Scott: Let's hear it

Xornoth: ARSON

Scott: NO.

--

Lizzie, who is temporarily blind: I'm not trusting my well being in the hands of Fwhip!

Katherine: It's either them or Scott

Lizzie: ...

Lizzie: So what are you doing today, Fwhip?

Scott: Hey!

--

Sausage: In my defense-

Sausage: *punches Fwhip*

Pearl: What was that for?!

Sausage: A good defense is a good offense

Gem: That's not how it works

--

Jimmy: This is a safety pin.

*cuts off end*

Joel: It is now a danger pin.

--

Shubble: Operation no more distractions is a go!

*not even 10 seconds later*

Shubble: Oh, look! A butterfly!

~

Jimmy: Ladies, gentlemen, I want to show you the greatest thing your eyes have ever beheld!

Scott: A llama?

Jimmy: No.

Scott: A baby llama?

Jimmy: No!

Scott: A baby llama with a little hat on?

Jimmy: NO!

~

Pearl: *spits mouthful of blood onto floor* You’ve become far more powerful since we last crossed paths.

Dentist: Please stop, there’s literally a sink right next to you.

~

Random Guy: *kicks Jimmy*

Jimmy: *starts crying*

Lizzy: *glares*

Random Guy: Awww what is this lil itsy baby child gonna do-

Lizzy: Your IP address is 157.134.166.42

Random Guy: Wha-

~

Sausage: Pearl, did you know you're my favorite sibling?

Pearl: *narrows eyes* Sausage what did you do no-

Gem: PEARL, SAUSAGE ATE ALL OF MY COOKIES.

~

Katherine: When Gem gets back, we're cleaning the building

The rest of the Alliance: *Looks at each other*

*5 hours later*

Katherine: Where's Gem?

Jimmy: Not back that's for sure

--

Jimmy: Two wrongs don’t make a right.

Scott: *sighs* That’s true…

Scott: But two negatives make a positive!!!

--

Pix, referring to Lizzy and Jimmy: Those guys are dorks.

Katherine: Yes, but they’re my dorks.

--

Pix: You know, people treat me like a god.

Shubble: How?

Pix: They ignore my existence unless they need something.