#but don't vote me for the next term | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

last-words-ofashootingstar · 2 months ago

Text

CODE L-O-V-E

Chapter One: crUSh

❥ ATEEZ x fem reader

Preparing to be an idol isn't easy, but you didn't expect it to be. Endless hours of practice, unlimited amounts of pressure from every eye on you, stereotypes to fit yourself into, all of that was expected. What was not expected, however, is the co-workers you can't seem to shake.

➽-❥in this chapter: Your first few days with the official status "pre-debut" go... semi-smoothly(?) and you find yourself bonding with your members and your co-workers. (Mingi, Yeosang, and Seonghwa focused with appearances from San, Hongjoong, and Wooyoung.)

➯a/n: what can i say... seriously what can i say to make myself look sane lmao BUT YALL VOTED ON THIS AND IT WAS OVERWHELMINGLY "yeas", so enjoy it ya filthy animals! this is just the tippy top of the iceberg, buckle up

♫ "The code is L-O-V-E!" ♫

✫彡wordcount: 10.5k

♡'･ᴗ･'♡genre: SLOW burn yandere

ಠ_ಠwarning/content: SLOW BURN, yall this is so slow im warning you, korean culture, brief description of a light injury, self doubt, ateez don't know what the words "personal space" mean, falling fast and hard, playful teasing, yandere tendencies are just a whisper in this chapter but they'll quickly start YELLING 🚩

MDNI

➯a/n 2: this is a bit different than my previous stories because the life of a kpop idol is very public, and thus a lot of information has to be known about the reader(who is becoming an idol) but i also want all of my stories to be as inclusive as possible !! so here is the baseline information: reader is 22, no description of race or appearance in general other than shorter than hwa and mingi, from a war-torn country(unspecified, more to come later), has distant relatives in korea (again, unspecified: related by marriage or adoption is probably the case), speaks fluent korean(as well as english and some chinese), is a musical prodigy, and is generally ambi-verted and a natural leader

✩index: sunbae(nim) - a senior or mentor higher in the social hierarchy and having more experience than you. hubae(nim) - someone with less experience than you. unnie - a casual term for women to call another older than them. hyung - a casual term for males to call another older than them. ssi - someone on the same level as you but slightly older or younger. nim - used at the end of someone's name or title to show respect. ahjumma - a middle aged woman.

dialogue not spoken in korean will be italics, singing/rapping will be romanized and bold, texts or writing will be smaller.

with all of that finally out of the way... let the journey begin !

⋆.ೃ:･달려가 CRUSH ON YOU𐦍.ೃ࿔*:･

The beginning of the rest of your life is behind this door.

You're finally losing your training wheels and moving into the big leagues so to speak, even though the company you now officially work for is relatively small. One year, six months, and seven days after you were accepted, you were properly set to debut.

You were bouncing off of the walls at the news last night, nearly unable to sleep from your excitement. So why, now, are you standing infront of the door to the practice room unable to move?

Jisu, your manager, informed you that the group that was being built would be called 'crUSh'. And that was the name on the little plaque next to the room.

"Is it locked?"

"Oh my god!" You yell, startled from your trance as you quickly turn to face the voice.

A few long steps away is an imposingly tall man that you immediately recognize as Song Mingi from the few times he'd came to help trainees with their rap and dance.

"I'm so sorry," you bow repeatedly, making the man chuckle, "you startled me."

"It's okay," he offers softly as he extends his hand, "Mingi, ATEEZ."

"Ah, nice to formally meet you," you shake his hand eagerly, hoping to make a good impression — minus the fact that he had seen you having a staring contest with a door. "Ye (Y/n), crUSh."

"You're the first one to get here I think," he takes a look into the empty room as he joins your side, his arm brushing against your shoulder, "should I get the keys? They should have unlocked it-"

Before he can walk away, you muster up the courage to admit, "I haven't tried the door yet."

"Uh? Well why not?"

You look down at the floor as he looks down at you, awaiting your answer as you bite your cheek, "it still doesn't feel real."

He makes a noise of understanding, nodding as he inspects you casually, "how long have you been a trainee, Ye-ssi?"

"One year, six months, and seven days." He raises his eyebrows at the quickness with which you answer, making you laugh a little and a joke, "but who's counting, right?"

He smiles at you before looking to the door again, "well, I think you've more than earned this then, right?" He turns the doorknob and swings the door open slowly. "Welcome to KQ, officially," he can't help but smile wider as you step in hesitantly, giving him another bow as you pass.

There's a sparkle in your eyes that doesn't go unnoticed by your new co-worker. The same sparkle he sees in Hongjoongs eyes when he's producing, in Yunho when he's dancing, in all of them while they perform. The glint of passion.

"Mingi-ya!!"

He's a bit sad to see the shine in your eyes gone when you blink at the sound, turning away from admiring the room to face him, "ah, I'm sorry, Mingi-nim, I probably kept your members waiting on you."

�� "Don't worry about it," he waves you off with a chuckle, "Wooyoung is on his fourth coffee so I had to get away before he blew out my ear drums."

It takes you a few fleeting seconds before you fully translate what he said, and then you hold your hand over your mouth to stop the snort of laughter that leaves you. He leans against the doorway with a grin, looking you over again.

"Song Mingi! Where are you? Don't make me come after you!"

"Ah, well," he begins as he pushes off the wall and reaches for your hand again, "I should go before they come looking and bombard you. If you need anything, our practice room is just two doors over. I look forward to seeing what you can do."

"Thank you, Mingi-nim," you shake his hand again and bow, "I'll do my best."

"I don't doubt it."

He spins to leave you to your own devices, catching himself leaning back before he goes, "and Ye-ssi?"

"Uh?" You look up to him as you take your small backpack off, already itching to warm up.

"You don't have to call me that," he flashes you a gummy smile that almost makes you swoon, "Mingi-ssi is okay with me. We both worked hard to get here."

"Ah, okay, okay," you nod quickly, not wanting to offend him by being overly formal, "thank you, Mingi-ssi."

⋆.ೃ:･CAN'T STOP MY CRUSH ON YOU𐦍.ೃ࿔*:･

"Let's go girls!" Jisu claps from the middle of the room, watching the seven of you run around in circles as you sing to the songs blasting on the stereo. "C'mon, push yourselves! Sunji, I can't hear you!"

The young girl infront of you, who you've already lapped once, is clearly struggling. As are a few others — but the youthful girl tugs at your heart strings. Choi Sunji is the youngest of the group, only turning 17 in a few months. Everyone falls somewhere in the 25-19 age group besides her.

Which makes it sadder to see her falling behind on the very first day. "Sunji, let's go! You got this!" Wu Bongcha, the eldest shouts over the music before resuming her singing. The twenty five year old is the only other foreigner, which you immediately bonded over.

You all recognized one another from your days spent as trainees, but you never really spoke to one another; too busy trying to secure yourselves a spot in the first girl group that KQ would debut.

"Don't give up!" Second eldest, Lee Aeyoung is next to chime in, though she's struggling herself.

Sunji doesn't give up, but is instead made to forfeit as she trips and skids along the floor on her knees.

"Oh no!"

"Oh, fuck!"

Jisu rushes to her side, as do you. Bongcha runs and cuts off the music, and then joins the rest of them in staring — not knowing what to do.

"Are you okay?" Jisu asks softly as she rubs the girls back, taking a glance at her knees and hissing, "oh, I'm sorry, Sunji. Here, here come sit down."

You wrap the girls arm around your shoulders and help her to the bench at the back of the room as you asses the damage. It's nothing that will keep her from walking, but it will definitely cause the girl some pain as she does so. Her knee caps are red and littered with scratches from the friction; and you can only be thankful that the floor is smooth.

You can see unshed tears lining her eyes, and you pat her shoulder with a pout, "do you need anything?"

"Uhm," she sniffs, "could you get me a water, please?"

"Of course, I'm on it." You dash out of the door, making a bee line for the refrigerator at the end of the hall, hearing your manager tell everyone to take ten.

You fill your arms with waters from the stocked fridge, having noticed only a few of the others brought their own. You had always been provided water in the trainee building, so you aren't shocked that this isn't any different.

You stop a few steps from the door, still for a moment before you turn back around and go two doors down.

The door is cracked open, and you can hear light chatter from within. You don't see him through the window, but you hear the deep rumble of his voice.

You slip in unnoticed until you speak up, "excuse me."

Four pairs of eyes are on you at once, confused as to what you're doing in their practice room practically folding youself in half with how deep your bow is. "Hello, I'm very sorry to interrupt," you begin to ramble, holding the cold waters for your members close to your chest as you face the floor, "ah, Mingi-ssi, you said to let you know if we needed anything..."

"Yeah, of course," he replies quickly before speaking to the others, "this is Ye (Y/n), the early bird." You don't have time to digest the fact that he told them all about you, you simply give them another bow, this time smaller. "What can I help with?"

"You see, one of our members fell while we were running and she scraped her knees up pretty badly. I was wondering if there might be a first aid kit around? I- I would look for it myself but we're only on a ten minute break and I want to get her cleaned up before we start again so she doesn't fall behind-"

"Hey, hey, calm down," Mingi chuckles softly, standing from his resting spot on the floor, "there's one in the bathrooms, I'll show you."

"Ah, thank you so much, Mingi-nim!" You thank him profusely as you follow him out of the room, leaving the three remaining men in shocked silence.

"That was cute," Wooyoung finally breaks the quiet, "looks like Mingi got himself a puppy," he laughs loudly, standing up as well and stretching his arms above his head.

"She seemed sweet, you see all the waters she was carrying?" Seonghwa smiles as he follows suit, recalling the way you held the bottles to your chest.

"Yeah, and so many formalities, you can tell she hasn't been in Korea long, she was so afraid to offend us. Ah," Hongjoong sighs wistfully, "remember when Xikers were like that? Now it's 'Hyung! Hyung, buy me lunch!' Gosh, they grow up so fast." His words make the duo laugh as he gets up with a groan. "Let's go see how the newbies are doing."

By the time they come to stand in the doorway, you've already returned with the waters and first aid in tow. The others are sipping and resting against the walls, while you're kneeled down infront of the injured member.

"Little sting," you whisper before quickly wiping the girls knees, barely giving her a chance to register the pain before you're blowing cool air over it to sooth it.

"Thanks, Un-" She stops herself and looks away embarrassedly, fingers tapping on the bench.

"It's okay, you can call me Unnie. We'll be working together for a long time, right?" You hum kindly as you cover the scratches with two large bandaids, "so let's not be too formal with each other."

"Okay," she nods reassured, handing you your untouched water. "Then I should tell you that you should drink, Unnie."

"Hm, touché." You grin as you take it, downing half in one breath as you fall back onto your bottom to rest. "Ah, I have some Tylenol in my bag-" when you go to stand back up and get it, it appears in your face.

Courtesy of Mingi, who seemingly appeared out of nowhere just like he did in the morning, "here you go, Huebae."

"Oh," you blink in shock before taking it, "thank you."

"Hello," Sunji greets him politely, as do the others as they notice his presence. The others in the hall go unnoticed, probably on purpose as they watch from afar how you interact with everyone; curiosity clear on their faces.

You hand some Tylenol to the girl and pat her shoulder before looking up at Mingi, having to tilt your head back. "Sorry again for intruding on you, Mingi-ssi. I was just worried about Sunji here." You apologize once more as you dig out your phone from your bag. Mingi briefly notes the fact that you have twelve messages from the same person, and the way you smile at that.

"It's nothing to worry about, we were taking a break anyways. As long as the door is open, you're welcome to come in." He pauses for a second before he looks around, almost like he forgot the others were there, "that goes for you all as well."

"Okay girls," Jisu claps, headed back to the front of the room.

"Ah, duty calls," you huff as you jump up, helping Sunji onto her feet as she wobbles, "thanks again, Sunbaenim! I owe you."

"Owe me?"

"Yeah, I'll take you for lunch or something! Taking so much of your time on my first day, I must seem like a wreck." You laugh, but Mingi thinks anything but that. He thinks you have leader material written all over you, and you obviously have a passion for idol work.

"Okay," he grins as he moves to leave, "I'll hold you to that."

"Okay, let's go easy with some flexibility stretches," he hears Jisu instructing you all as he closes the door, coming face to face with Seonghwa's large smile.

"What's that look for?"

Wooyoung and Hongjoong are smirking as well, and it takes him a moment until he catches onto the fact that they think he was flirting with you. "Pssh, you guys don't know me better than that? I wouldn't flirt with a junior, especially one from our company."

"Uh-huuuuh," Wooyoung teases as he turns on his heel and heads back to their room.

"Seriously!"

Seonghwa wraps his arm around Mingis neck, messing with his younger member, "Mingi-ya, are we invited to lunch too?"

"You guys got the wrong idea!" He pouts as his cheeks and ears become flushed, quickly blaming it on the broken air conditioning in the hallway.

⋆.ೃ:･L-O-V-E𐦍.ೃ࿔*:･

The building is nearly empty at this hour, only one or two floors lit up. One of them is the practice floor, where you have been all day long.

Your manager was long gone, your new members filtering out after her.

They'd told you to get home safe and rest well, but you were too wired to even think about leaving.

You had the music on considerably quieter, but your footsteps and voice carried through the floor as the cracked door went unnoticed in your focused state; left that way as Bongcha chased Aeyoung while begging her to teach her a specific dance move.

"Shit," you curse as you stumble, rewinding the music ten seconds and trying again — only to do the same thing. "Son of a bitch! Ugh, Mom was right, you never work well when you're frustrated." You grumble to yourself as you switch the music to something much slower.

You lower yourself to lay flat on the cool floor and groan as you catch your breath. Quickly, thanks to more than a year of KQ's intense stamina training, you're back to breathing evenly as you stare up at the fluorescent lights, letting the music vibrate your bones.

"Nareul wihae fight for my life. Mudyeojimi iksukan sesangeseo," you belt out the lyrics, eyes closed as you appreciate the echo of the room. "Nawa haruman simjang bakkwo jul saram eodido eomn-AH!" You squeal as you reopen your eyes and find a man staring down at you.

You slide away on the smooth floor and quickly stand as you realize it's not just any man, but a member of your older group of seniors. He backs up, hands infront of himself, similarly startled.

"Ah, I'm sorry!"

"I'm so sorry!"

You both apologize at the same time, almost knocking your heads together as you bow in unison.

You bow again when he straightens up, showing him respect after you just screamed in his face. "My apologies," you offer a small smile, and he returns it.

"No, it's my fault, I kind of snuck up on you there," he shakes his head, gesturing for you to stand, "I just heard you singing while I was leaving and came to get a clearer listen. Your voice is nice."

"Oh, really?" You feel a heat on your cheeks, turning to get your bottle, "that's nice of you to say..." You pause as you try to recall his name.

"Oh, Kang Yeosang! You must be... ah, Ye (Y/n)?"

"Yes, nice to meet you, Kang-nim-"

"Please, please, that's way too formal! Yeosang is fine, or Sunbae. We'll probably see a lot of each other," he interrupts quickly, going on to explain himself, "no matter how long I do this, I never get used to being called that."

You turn back to him and nod in understanding, "of course. I get that, yesterday a little kid called me Ajumma and I almost cried."

He laughs softly and observes you as you cut off the music to be able to hear each other. "How old are you, Huebae?"

"I'm 22, 23 this year."

"Ah, not too much younger then," he wanders to the bench, sitting a good few feet away from you as you settle back on the floor, pulling your bag over to you, "your pronunciation is really good, aren't you a foreigner?"

You nod as you pull out a granola bar, offering him one to which he politely declines. "I lived out of the country for most of my life, but some of my family is Korean so I've always spoke bits and pieces. I moved here two... maybe three years ago?"

"Well, that explains it! You aren't really a foreigner, two years in Korea, you're practically a citizen," his words make you smile, and you find your cheeks sore from how much you've done that today. "Why did you move here?"

You're happy to find that the conversation flows naturally between you and Yeosang. "I have some distant relatives here that I moved in with. My home country isn't the safest at the moment, so they took me in. I'm still learning Korean customs and things, so hopefully I fit in well enough."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that... I'm glad you have your family to take care of you. And I'm sure you'll fit in, Mingi told me about how you came to him for help with one of your members."

"That's embarrassing," you face palm with a huff, "barging into another teams room because I don't know where the first aid kit is."

"What? No," he shakes his head firmly, "I think it was smart. Hurry to someone who can help so that no member gets left out. I think it's smart, not embarrassing." He speaks sincerely, making you look down at the floor with a thoughtful pout. "And it's a very Korean thing to do, taking care of people younger than you even if you might not know them well."

"Ah, I guess I can't argue with that," you slide across the floor and toss your wrapper in the bin.

"How long have you been a trainee at KQ?" He asks, resting his chin in his hand. He and you both are sweaty from your individual practices, your hair in two messes. Since he's in the same boat as you, you don't feel self conscious as he looks at you somewhat intently.

"Going on a two years soon." You beam proudly, finishing your water so it can meet the same fate as your wrapper.

"Really?! How come I don't remember seeing you around the trainee building? I'm in and out of there pretty often."

"I usually keep my head down," you giggle at his bewildered expression, "not the best trait for a wanna-be idol, I know."

"Hm, that's fair. Being introverted in life won't hold you back though, as long as you don't hide on stage." He provides reassurance from experience, you can tell. "Why is it you want to be an idol?"

"Oh, uhm," you stretch your legs out infront of you, nearly knocking your feet with his, "it's a long story. But the short version is I love music. I always have. And I want to make something for others to love, too." You fidget for a second before you speak again, "can I ask you something, Sunbae?"

He nods, eagerly awaiting your question, and when he hears it it takes him a moment to really think about it. "How does it feel? Singing, dancing infront of so many people?"

"Well, to me... it's like- it's sort of like this huge feeling of pride in myself, and my members. Showing all of my hard work in something that people can watch and enjoy. There's nothing like it, really. You'll have to wait and see for yourself," he finishes with a soft, lopsided grin, ignoring the non stop buzzing of his phone in favor of watching you take in his words and try to imagine them.

"Yeah. I'll have to see for myself, I can't wait."

"That's the spirit!" He says as he jumps up, heading to the computer desk in the corner and ripping a small piece from a discarded paper, "if you ever need a fellow introvert to talk to, any advice or help practicing, here's my number."

"Oh, seriously?" You stand quickly and take the paper with both hands, bowing to him once again, "thanks, Sunbaenim. You're very kind."

"Ah, it's nothing. We have to stick together, we're outnumbered," he jests as he heads to the door, "I have to head out now. You should do the same, (Y/n)-hubae. Go home and get some rest, the practice room isn't going anywhere."

"I will, Yeosang-sunbaenim. Goodnight."

You watch him go for a moment before you look down at the paper, putting it in your bag for safe keeping.

⋆.ೃ:･I FEEL YOU CALLIN' ME𐦍.ೃ࿔*:･

The next day, you're the first member there again. You flip on the harsh lights and observe the nearly barren room.

With a small pout, you toss your bag to the floor and begin stretching.

Sunji is next, giving you a small bow before joining you in silence.

Hwan Namseon, the second youngest, comes after. Then its eldest member Bongcha coming in with a loud greeting of good morning. Kim Eunhwa, the only other seemingly introverted member slips in and joins. Han Yoomi hops in with a grin. Aeyoung is last to come, apologizing that her bus had a flat tire as she quickly jumps into the line that's formed behind you as you lead the stretches.

"Hey, where do you think Manager-nim is? It's twenty past eight, she doesn't seem like the type to be late without letting us know." Aeyeong questions with a groan as she touches her toes to mimic the rest of you.

"Ah, really?" You glance at the clock on the wall. You turn away from the wall of mirrors and face them, "should we text her?"

Unbeknownst to you all, Jisu was in the security room watching you on the live feed from the camera at the top of the mirrors usually reserved for taking dance videos. To see what you would do when left to our own devices.

"Yeah, I'll text her and let her know we're all waiting for her," Bongcha leaves the group to grab her phone from the bench, quickly texting the older woman. "Manager-nim," she mumbles out loud as she types.

"What should we do while we wait?" Namseon asks with a glance thrown your way.

"Uhm," you think with a thoughtful frown, "why don't we do an exercise? I'm sure she'll be here soon!"

"Like what?" Eunhwa looks up, fiddling with her sleeves as she speaks just above a whisper.

"I have an idea!" Yoomi jumps with a hand in the air, looking towards you with big eyes.

"Yeah," you laugh a bit as she waits for your permission, gesturing for her to continue.

"Dance-build. We did it at my elementary school. One person does a dance move, and the second person adds to it, and it just keeps going until someone messes up- and that person is out! It could help us with remembering choreography."

"That sounds like it could be fun!" Aeyoung claps, "rock, paper, scissors for the order! Rock, paper, scissors, go!"

A few minutes and a fight about if gun is allowed and if so does it beat rock (it isn't, but it would) later, the order is decided and you begin copying and building off of each other as some dance music plays from Bongchas phone.

Eunhwa, you, and Bongcha move past your turns pretty quickly, watching as Namseon tries to remember the moves and execute them properly. She moves her legs in a different way than Bongcha did, and Aeyoung shouts, "eeeh! Namseon, out!"

"What?! Dang it, what did I do wrong?"

Bongcha repeats the last movement and Namseons eyes widen, "ah, I wasn't looking at your legs!" She slumps before shuffling to take a seat on the wall.

"It's okay," you smile her way, "you can be the referee now!"

You begin again, as Namseon watches everyone like a hawk. It goes Eunhwa, you, Bongcha, Aeyoung, Sunji, Yoomi. Eunhwa, you, and then Bongcha messes up.

At some point, it becomes just you and Aeyoung going back and forth adding more and more dance moves as the others cheer. Clearly, you guys will be the main dancers with how many moves you're doing without even a hint of struggle of remembrance.

"Our Unnies are so cool," Namseon whispers to Sunji, who nods with a wide smile.

A loud chime comes through the speakers, and Bongcha dives for her phone, "its Manager-nim! She said she's on the way, five minutes."

"Good," you pant softly, hands on your knees. "I don't know how long I could keep up with you, Aeyoung-ssi!" You share a laugh with the slightly older girl, who pats your shoulder as she mimics your pose to catch her breath as well.

"Aisssh, says you! You were so fast coming up with moves I could barely keep up!"

"Bongcha-ssi, will you hand us our waters?" You pant softly, wiping your brow as you sit with your newfound dance partner.

"Here you go," she smiles as she hands them over, going on to ask you two about some dance moves.

Small chatter continues as you rest until Jisu enters, "hello, everyone!"

"Hello," you all greet with your various degrees of bows, standing up and beginning to conquer your training for the day.

⋆.ೃ:･널 향한 낯선 VIBE𐦍.ೃ࿔*:･

"How are your knees feeling, Sunji-ya?" You ask with a casual nickname thrown her way as you join her in waiting for the elevator.

During the few hours of your second practice together, the seven of you grew more and more comfortable with each other as the ice was broken.

"Oh, they're okay! Thank you for taking care of me yesterday, Unnie. I'm sure it was scary asking our seniors for help on the first day, I'm sorry about that."

"Oh, they're not so bad," you nudge her shoulder with a grin, "nothing to be afraid of." You enter the elevator together, and you ask, "going to the cafeteria?"

"Yeah, I'm starving." You press the button for the second floor, where the cafeteria and locker rooms reside.

"Ditto, let's eat together, yeah?"

Her smile pulls at your heartstrings as you enter the vast and open room. With only two doors, one with a male figure and one with a female figure: which had previously never been used, but now you see your members coming and going. Being the first girl group in the company was a weird feeling. Everyone was kind, but everyone was also waiting to see if you would be a massive failure.

Two younger boys nod their heads in greeting as you pass. You and Sunji bow back, a small and polite, "hello, Sunbaenims," coming from the girl which makes them smile.

The tables are far too many for all of the people you've met or know work here, but you know that it's a growing company. Still, it's oddly quiet with only the two Xikers boys and a handful of the Ateez members eating and conversing.

"Why don't you get us some food and I'll get us a cold drink?"

Sunji scoops some rice and broccoli into two bowls and goes to claim a table for you both, not completely isolated but far enough away to give the men their own space.

"Here you go," you slide her a glass of iced tea and sit across from her at the rectangular table, eyeing the way she has the lesser filled bowl infront of her. "Thought you were starving?"

She nods, going to stop you from swapping your bowls, "ah, it's okay, Unnie! I should loose some weight before we start recording things-"

"Tsk," you suck your teeth and swap the bowls despite her polite protesting, "you're still growing. You need to eat well."

"Well, but-"

"No buts," you give her a stern glare as you take a large bite, "I won't let our maknae wither away."

"Maknae," she giggles, taking a spoonful with a bright smile, "it's weird to be the youngest. I'm the oldest of my siblings, actually."

"Yeah? How many siblings do you have?" You converse smoothly as you eat, making sure she gets her fill.

As you laugh at her story of how her little brother cried harder than she did at the news of her official status of pre-debut, one of the men you briefly met yesterday approaches with a small head bow.

You and Sunji nod back, with you greeting him, "hello, Park-nim." You know his name, thankfully remembering him from an encounter you had in the trainee building.

"Hello, may I sit?" Seonghwa asks with a soft smile, gesturing to the table.

"Yeah, of course!" Sunji nods quickly, blushing in the presence of your pretty senior. "Nice to meet you," she beams, and you can't hold back a smile of your own at her eagerness.

"Nice to meet you, too. How has Jisu-nim been treating you all?" He inquires as he sits on your side of the table.

"She's great! She pushing us to be our very best," the girl says, and you nod in agreement as he looks to you for your opinion as well.

"That's good to hear. She's been waiting a long time to have a group of her own to manage, so I'm sure she'll treat you well. She came up with your concept and everything on her own, worked with Hongjoong for days on your title song."

Both of you freeze with bites half in your mouths, and he realizes he's said something he probably shouldn't have as the young girl leans over the table with wide eyes, nearly toppling over as she asks him with urgency, "our debut song is already planned?!"

"Sunji-ya!" You scold her, slapping her arm, "I apologize for her, Park-nim, we haven't been told about that yet, you see." He laughs as you force the shell-shocked girl back into her seat.

"Ah, well I'm glad to be the one to tell you!"

He feels a spark of energy as he sees both of your excitement, yours especially as you try to hide it with a nonchalant expression as you ask, "could you, maybe, could you tell us about it?"

"Oh, I'm not in the production team," he begins, "but from what I've seen it's a very cute concept. Some lore has been tossed around but nothing solid. Hmm, what else?" He hums as he takes a bite of his food, feeling both of you looking at him expectantly. "Oh! Yeah, the song. I've heard some snippets of the instrumentals and it sounds very upbeat. I haven't gotten a glance at the lyrics but they're finalizing them right now, actually. Maybe you'll get your first look today."

"Ah!" Sunji squeals into her hands before diving over the table to hug you, "I'm so excited!" She bounces out of her seat and bows to Seonghwa like she's been snapped in half before running away, leaving you both confused. "Thank you, Park-nim! Ah, I have to tell the others!"

You watch her go with your jaw slacked before you grumble, "that little jerk left her dishes."

Seonghwa goes into a fit of laughter at the seriousness on your face, the sound making you remember he was still there. "Ah, sorry," you give a little laugh of your own, "I guess our maknae is very excited to debut."

"It's okay," he says between breaths of laughs, placing a hand on his chest, "whew! She's definitely going to be the mood maker."

"Right? No kidding, that kid has energy like she just chugged seven Red-Bulls in a row."

You share another chuckle, comfortable silence taking over as you finish your meals. When he goes to stand and take his dishes, you quickly stuff your last bites into your mouth and shake your head.

He leans back as you collect all of the dishes on the table, his included. He watches as you scrape any remnants into the bin and set them all ontop with the others. "Thank you," he nods as you come back around with a smile, headed towards the elevator, "going back up to the practice rooms?" He asks as he joins you in waiting.

"Yes, thank you again for telling us about the debut, I'm sure everyone will be happy to know."

"Ah, it's the least I could do, I know the feeling." He sighs as he presses the button, looking over his shoulder at you as the doors close. "You think you'll fit a cute concept?"

"Oh, yes," you nod at lightning speed, "a lot of our members are light on their feet and good with facial expressions that will go well with that. Our second youngest, Namseon, has an adorable gummy smile that will be just perfect. Oh- my Unnies both have insane charisma, it's like they were born for the stage! And you met Sunji, she's a ball of sunshine. I think they'll do well."

He waits, gesturing for you to continue.

"Sorry, I rambled a bit! I'm done," you scratch the back of your neck and push past as the doors open, "thanks again-"

"What about you?" He asks before you can get away, gently laying a hand on your shoulder to stop you just outside of the elevator. "You said 'they'll' do good, but what about you?"

"Uh? Me?" You look down, clearly caught off guard as he asks about how you'll do, "I dunno, actually. I never thought about what concept I could fit..."

As if he senses your anxiety (because he does, it's a bit hard to miss), he smiles reassuringly down at you, "don't worry, I think you'll fit your group's concept just fine. You have that charm, y'know?"

"Charm?"

"Mhm! Something about you that's just... cute!" He feels a heat creeping up on his cheeks, and you see it.

"You think I'm cute?" You peek to his hand, still resting on your shoulder; and he quickly removes it when you do.

When he notices your eyes lingering on his flushed cheeks, he starts walking away, quickly headed to their practice room. "Aisssh, Mingi was right, we need to fix the air conditioning in the hall. Don't worry, you'll be perfect!"

⋆.ೃ:･간절히 FIND, FIND OUT𐦍.ೃ࿔*:･

As soon as the door to the practice room slams shut: Seonghwa crouches and places his head between his knees, then his hands over his head. "Ahhhh!" He groans loudly, calling San's attention up from his phone.

"Jesus, what happened to you? You look like a tomato."

"I can never show my face to our crUSh hubae again!" He shouts from his crouched position, refusing to move even as he hears the door open and feels someone step over him.

"Don't mind meeee," Mingi says as he vaults over, "I'm not apart of this, just want my notebook."

"Are you sure you don't want in on this? Hyung embarrassed himself infront of one of the girls- or multiple? My bets on multiple."

Mingi stops with his notebook in hand, leaning against the wall next to San, "again? Is this a 'accidentally call everyone the wrong name' situation repeat?"

"Ahhhh," he groans again, slumping against the door and revealing his face to the two.

"Wait, that's not an embarrassment blush! That's a crush blush!" Seonghwa curses the fact that they've spent that much time together, they even know the difference between each others blushes.

"Crushing on crUSh, Hyung? You made fun of me for that!"

"I am not 'crushing', I'm not a schoolboy!"

"You are too! Who is it? Tell us!"

"Tell us, tell us, tell us," they go on to chant, San clapping with amusement as Seonghwa hides his face with his hands, "tell us, tell us, tell us!"

"Yah! Fine, I'll tell you-" he's cut off by their cheers "-but if you so much as even think about telling a single soul, I will-" cut off again:

"Yeah, yeah, get on with it!"

He takes a deep breath, leaning his head against the door, "I was talking with Ye (Y/n) just now." Mingi tilts his head and smirks as he continues. "She was worried that she wouldn't fit into the groups cute concept... so I told her that she was cute." San whistles. "While I had my hand on her shoulder." San whistles louder before cackling.

"Man, you are horrible with women!"

"It came out of my mouth before I could think!"

"At least you didn't give her your number, Yeosang beat you to it."

"Woah, woah, back up — when the hell did that happen?" Mingi finally pipes up, eyebrows bunched together, "is he The Flash all the sudden? He's been with us all day!"

"Last night, dummy." San rolls his eyes, "is he The Flas- ow!" He punches Mingi's leg after he kicks him, glaring up at him from the floor.

"Did he actually?" Seonghwa tilts his head, thinking about the introverted member. "He's usually really shy around girls."

"Not as shy as you, Mr.Tomato," San makes both of them chuckle before he goes on to say, "he said he heard her singing after all her members left and went to complement her. They talked a little bit and he gave her his number if she ever needed anything, so he sayssss- but he was blushing too."

"Damn, Sang has game," Mingi slides down the wall to join San, letting out a little sigh which makes the man next to him perk up.

"Wait, wait, wait, hold on-"

"Don't!"

San goes on despite Mingi's protest, "is Ye (Y/n) the one Wooyoung called your puppy?! The girl you said was 'suuuuper ni-' yah, quit hitting me!"

Mingi glares, and San glares back.

"She is super nice," Seonghwa breaks their intense staring contest as they both turn to him. "She made sure the member that got hurt yesterday was taken care of so she didn't fall behind, she cleaned up all of our dishes after her member ran off, she even knew all about her groups killing points. She didn't even mention herself when I asked how everyone would fit into their concept, just went on about how well everyone else would do."

After a moment of quiet, the younger men digesting his words, San hums, "she can't be that sweet, to have three of you crushing in not even a few days?"

"There's something about her, man," Mingi pushes back his hair, "she had a literal sparkle in her eye when she saw their practice room for the first time. Like- like a cartoon princess!"

"Yes, the sparkle! She had it when she was talking about her members, too!"

"You guys are whipped, no one is this... enchanting! Enchanting, that's it!" San would be eating his words in less than forty-eight hours.

Seonghwa shakes his head, "she might be- woah!" He falls back into the hall as someone opens the door, landing with a thud.

"What's going on?" Wooyoung asks as he takes in the scene. Seonghwa and Mingi's fading blushes, San's look of disbelief. The oldest of them on the ground because he was hiding against the door.

"Hyung embarrassed himself infront of his crush!"

"I'll kill you!" Seonghwa yells, finally finishing his threat.

⋆.ೃ:･L-O-V-E𐦍.ೃ࿔*:･

Once again, you're left in the practice room on your lonesome after everyone left pretty shortly after your intense work out with the company trainer.

It didn't slow down the buzz everyone had over the news of the debut song almost being completed so you could begin working on it yourselves.

Especially not yours, as you stayed to study and practice other girl group songs with cute concepts.

"Signal bonae signal bonae, jjirit- aaaah," you grumble as you fall back into your resting face. You glare at yourself in the mirror for a moment before you return to a soft and cheery face, "try to let you know. Signeul bonae signal bonae," you try to throw in the hand movement as well, groaning loudly as your focus fails you and your face no longer does what you want it to. "Ah, really!? C'mon, (Y/n), you're better than this."

You point at yourself accusingly, unaware as the door swings open. "Neol bomyeo useumyeon arac- fuck!" You curse as your face falls once more as you focus too hard on singing.

You close your eyes and lean your forehead against the mirror defeatedly, not noticing as two semi-familiar men come into the room and witness you kneeling infront of the mirror wall, tears beginning to wet your eyelashes.

"Excuse me," Hongjoong speaks first, making you flinch. You quickly wipe your eyes as you turn to face him, hoping (though futile) that they didn't see your mini-breakdown.

"H-Hello," you internally curse yourself as your voice cracks.

"Are you okay, Hubae?" Mingi asks hesitantly, tilting his head.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm okay! Just a little frustrated is all! Thank you, Mingi-ssi."

"Ah, we all know the feeling," Hongjoong offers softly, nodding toward you with a comforting smile. You notice the stack of papers in his hand, remembering what Seonghwa had told you earlier.

"Thank you," you pause, unsure of what to call him. He's technically your senior, yes. But he's also a producer and leader.

He notices your brows pushing together with your thoughts, and he helps you out, "Hongjoong-sunbae is fine, don't worry."

"Ah, okay, okay! Thank you, Hongjoong-sunbae. Can I help with something?"

"Are your members around?" He gestures to the empty room save for you and Mingi, who's still looking down at you with a pout.

"No, sorry," you shake your head, offering an apology, "they left about an hour ago, we finished our work out early."

"Oh, that's too bad," he slaps the papers against his palm lightly and bites his lip, "I was hoping to give you all the lyrics to your title track."

"Really?! It's ready?" You perk up immediately, forcing yourself to calm down as you step closer, "may I see it? Please?"

He can't say no to those puppy dog eyes of yours, and apparently neither can Mingi; who grabs one of the stapled packets from his hyungs hands and extends it out to you with a big gummy smile.

You take it with an equally big smile, bowing deeply to the two of them before coming up and scanning the paper with that shimmer in your eyes that Mingi saw yesterday. Hongjoong sees it now too, and he understands what the man was trying to explain to them.

Passion in your eyes, he didn't think it would be so clear to see. But anyone who looked at you as you read the lyrics of what would be your first song would be able to see it. It's brighter than any other trainee, producer, lyric writer- it's brighter than anyone else's he's ever seen. And he finds him self excited to see what you do with it.

"SYNC-LOVE," you read with a gigantic grin. "crUSh official debut. Ah!" You can't help the happy yell that escapes you, hiding your face in the paper as the men chuckle.

You pull the paper back and scan the words, flipping the page and reading it all; credits included. Seeing their names on the credits, you bow repeatedly to them with your smile present all the while, "ah, thank you. Thank you so much, I'll make sure to do my very best with your song and my members as well! I'll make sure we make you proud to have u-"

Mingi puts a hand on your shoulder to stop your repeated bowing, laughing along with Hongjoong at your excitement, "careful, now! You'll get dizzy!"

"My bad," you look down to hide your still present grin.

"It's an exciting moment!" Hongjoong reassures you again, handing over the rest of the papers, "you'll get these to your members? In a few days we want to hear you all sing it individually so we can start assigning parts."

You nod and take them carefully, turning to your bag and getting your phone, "is it okay if I send them photos of it- or is that a leak risk?"

"No, that's okay. People don't even know we have a girl group yet," Mingi waves off your concern, "just do it through your number, no social media."

You quickly snap a photo of each page and create a group chat with the numbers that you'd thankfully collected.

YOU ADDED BONGCHA.

YOU ADDED AEYOUNG.

YOU ADDED EUNHWA.

YOU ADDED YOOMI.

YOU ADDED NAMSEON.

YOU ADDED SUNJI.

YOU SENT A MESSAGE. Hongjoong and Mingi sunbaenims just stopped by the room. Good news, our debut song is completed!!

YOU SENT TWO ATTACHMENTS.

As you turn back to thank them once again, your phone begins going off nonstop with messages from the others. "Oops," you turn off the ringer quickly, "I think they're just as excited as I am. Thank you again."

"We're all excited to do what you guys can do," Hongjoong says truthfully, "Yeosang said you're a nice singer, is that the main position you want?"

"Ah, rapper actually," you chuckle a bit, shifting on your feet, "admittedly, after my manager told us all your story, Hongjoong-sunbae, I started writing."

"Really?" He beams, jumping a bit, "oh, I like you more by the minute! I can't wait to work with you!"

You laugh as you wrap your arms around yourself, "thanks-"

Mingi suddenly gets a brilliant idea, "hey, why don't you bring some of your songs to the recording booth so we can hear them?"

"Oh, no, no, I don't have instrumentals or anything like that- I just write them for fun!"

"So sing them for fun too! Let your voice be the instruments." Mingi is practically begging, and Hongjoong looks at you hopefully as well.

"Maybe, maybe just one. I don't want to waste your time," you give in, making the men cheer.

⋆.ೃ:･THIS LOVE IS NOT FAKE𐦍.ೃ࿔*:･

After your work out together the next day, you speak up before anyone can leave, "hey, before you all go!" You hop up quickly, stopping Yoomi and Eunhwa in the doorway.

You suddenly feel a bit shy speaking when all of the others are looking at you, "uhm, do any of you want to stay and try some of ATEEZ-sunbaenims choreography? I was thinking, we have a lot of pressure to live up to them and Xikers as well, especially in the dance department. Not to say that we aren't good! Just that they're very intense performers and we have a soft concept compared to them so maybe we could do a dance cover to show that we can kick ass too-"

In your rambling, you don't notice as they set their bags back down, gathering around you as you speak. "Because I know that we can! We can show the world that KQ doesn't mess around, even with their girls!"

"Hell yeah!" Bongcha yells, making you flinch, "sorry! But, yeah, I'm in for sure."

"What song were you thinking?" Aeyoung, eager to prove her dance skills to the world, is pulling back on her sneakers.

"Oh, I wasn't expecting you all to agree," you take a deep breath as you scan the rest of your group, "maybe we could pick together?"

A couple of hours later, you're all sweaty and out of breath once again as you finish your third run-through of Guerrilla. 'Start off strong,' Namseon said as she was the deciding vote.

"Let's take five," Bongcha heaves as she falls onto the floor, "...hours."

A couple of breathless chuckles go her way as the rest of the group sits minus you. "I'll get us some waters," you manage as you head to the door, grabbing your phone on the way.

Once you get to the fridge, your phone pings.

BONGCHA SENT AN ATTACHMENT.

BONGCHA SENT A MESSAGE. Guerrilla, take three

You lean against the fridge as you open the video, watching each member intently. You're all very good, but you could be better. Your footsteps are almost louder than the music at times, and it helps that you can hear them all being in sync. As the dance break begins, you hear yourself in the video. "Let's go, Guerrilla!" The rest of them follow suit, "the guerrillas!" You're definitely louder than the music as you all shout to hype each other up, "break the wall!"

Smiling down at your phone, you don't hear the person approaching you until he speaks.

"I thought those stomps sounded familiar."

"My god!" You clamber to catch your phone, breathing a sigh of relief as you hold it tightly.

"Sorry," Yeosang laughs softly, "I should stop sneaking up on you." He gives you a little bow of apology before he gestures to the phone, "may I see?"

"Ah," you place a hand to your chest as your shoulders relax, "you're going to give me a heart attack." You joke as you rewind the video and hold it out to show him.

He leans closer, his shoulder against yours as you both watch it.

"Woo!" He smiles as you all shout when the youngest looking member slides to the center. He can tell you already have a bond that will be helpful when things get tough. It's not often that groups click immediately, but he's happy that yours did; and it's clear that you have by the way you move in tandem with each other after only a few days. Some of you have more energy, more power behind your moves maybe, but you all move at the same time despite that. He thinks, as do you as you watch over your group, maybe you were meant to debut together.

After it comes to an end, Yeosang claps and leans back, "woah! You guys are good! How many tries was that?"

"You think so? It was our third take, we still have a lot of improvements to make," you say as you slide your phone into your pocket, moving to get the waters you came for.

"Yeah, I wouldn't think that you guys are a new group based on that, you're a very well rounded group looks like." He takes some of the waters from your arms and earns himself a smile from you.

"Thanks, Yeosang, that means a lot to hear. It was my idea actually to cover one of your dances to show that we could be badass too," you look down as you admit with a little laugh, walking with him back to your groups room.

"You're a good leader," he nods with a thoughtful expression.

"Uh? I'm not the leader."

"No?" He raises an eyebrow, "who is?"

"Uhhhhhh," you blank as you enter the room, making the others look up confusedly. "-hhh, heres the water!" Yeosang laughs heartily as you quickly change the subject, going on to hand over the waters he carried for you as you distribute them. "Guys, this is Yeosang-sunbaenim," you gesture to him before sipping on your own water.

"Hello," they bow to one another, and Aeyoung is quick to drag you over after the formalities are out of the way. She leans over her phone, having similarly been monitoring your last take.

"Ye-ssi, look here," she points, "I think Yoomi and Eunhwa should swap here, to have Eunhwa in the front. She has more intense facial expressions, don't you think?"

"Ah," you nod along, backing up the video a few seconds to see again, "I think that's a good idea."

"Yoomi-ya! Come here, I need to teach you a different part!" The older members yells dramatically, making you cover your ear with a grimace.

Yeosang joins your side again with a grin, "not the leader, huh?"

You take a long sip of your water and look up at the ceiling thoughtfully before — "nope!"

⋆.ೃ:･달려가 CRUSH ON YOU𐦍.ೃ࿔*:･

The next day, you're surprised to see someone else in the practice room when you arrive — multiple someones that is, and an array of cameras and microphones.

You pause in the door way mid-way through fixing your hair, slowly backing out as the main camera man swivels the lens to face you. "Sorry," you let your hair fall and bow, looking around curiously from the hall, "am I interrupting?"

"(Y/n)!" Jisu waves from the group of people, having to jump for you to see her. "Come on in," she gestures you forward, placing a hand on your arm as you get closer, "we're going to start filming for a pre-debut documentary."

"Really? We're making one? That's exciting!" You look around the room, waving and bowing once again to the crew, "hello. Good morning."

You get a few responses back, looking away from the camera shyly. You'll definitely have to get used to that.

"You're here early, practice doesn't start until eight," she observes, smiling as she realizes how dedicated you are from the fact that you have now been the first member to arrive four days in a row. "Did you plan to start early?"

"Ah, I actually came to work on some songs," you hesitate, looking around as the crew continues to set up in the back of the room.

"Writing?" Jisu asks, knowing that you've been coming up with songs of your own nonstop since she told you of Hongjoong's passion and subsequent success.

"Yes, I wanted to write some that fit with our concept," you whisper as you fiddle with the hem of your hoodie.

"Oh, that's great! You go ahead and do whatever you need to, pretend we aren't even here. We don't have the main sound going yet but the director may want some footage of you working." She pats your arm as she notices your nerves, giving you a little nod, "hwaiting!"

"Thank you, manager-nim," you nod back, carefully taking your bag off and setting it on the wall by the door so it's not in the way.

You can still feel the camera trailing you as you take out your newer notebook that has strawberry printed papers, along with your pen and a dry erase marker. You settle infront of the mirror with your legs folded under you.

A few minutes of calming breathes later, you finally decide 'screw it', and allow yourself to begin working like no body is there, following your manager's advice.

From your notes about what kind of lyrics you want, you begin writing on the mirror with your dry erase marker just like you do at home; only on a larger scale.

CHORUS

dallyeoga crush on you

super crush on you

can't stop the crush on you

code in L-O-V-E

TIPI-TAP TIPI-TIPI TAP

You write it out in romanization to see how it will sound, chewing on the back of the marker.

"Hello," the camera woman who comes up to you greets politely, and you return the favor. "Director-nim wanted me to ask what you're doing?"

"Okay, okay," you nod quickly, scooting to the side a bit to allow her to film the writing on the mirror, "since our concept is super cute, uhm," you clear your throat, showing her the page in your notebook full of ideas, "I'm writing some songs that I think would fit along with it..."

"Why do you write on the mirror?"

"Oh," you look at it before smiling, almost reminiscently, "it's a technique someone taught me! Write it in dry erase or chalk so you can easily change it, move it around, see where things might fit better. And when you think you have it, write it on paper and see how it is!" You beam as you explain, quickly falling into your comfort zone.

"Ah," you erase part of it with your hoodie sleeve before leaning and writing in something different, "chorus should be a bit repetitive!"

dallyeoga crush on you

"Better," you smile to yourself as you look it over.

"Hello," a voice calls all of your attention from the door, and you smile brighter as you see Mingi and one of his group mates you've yet to meet.

You wave briefly before gasping and turning back to the mirror quickly as some lyrics come to you.

pow pow

my heart just flew up

You hardly notice as the duo stop talking to your manager and the team, heading for you instead as you mumble to yourself. "Flew up?"

You peek up as the camera-woman backs up, getting all three of you in frame as they come up on either side behind you.

"Pow, pow, my heart blew up?" Mingi suggests as he reads over it, smiling as you immediately click your tongue and rewrite it.

"Aye, why didn't I think of that? Thanks, Mingi-ssi," you blink at the other man in the reflection and give him a bow of your head, "hello."

"Nice to meet you, Ye-ssi," he flashes you a soft grin in the mirror, "I'm San."

"Nice to meet you- ah sorry," you look away quickly and scribble a little further away from what you already have down before the words can get away from you, "inspiration waits for no-one."

beonjineun seollem

gidarin chit-chat

"This is a cute vibe," San complements as he reads it over with Mingi, "how long have you been working on it?"

"Hm," you take a glance at the clock in the mirror, 7:40. "About twenty minutes."

Mingi makes a noise of surprise, nearly falling from his crouched position until you grab his arm and steady him, "ah, are you okay, Mingi-ssi? Are you dizzy?" He laughs as you worry over him, pointing back to the writing after he's steady.

"Twenty minutes and you have a solid chorus?"

"Mhm!" You smile towards your work, humming the imaginary tune to yourself for a second to see if more inspiration hits.

"How long have you been writing?" San asks with a slight awe, taking a look at your book of ideas.

"Ah," you scratch your head, "since... April, I think?"

It's Sans turn to be surprised, raising his eyebrows and counting on his fingers, "four months?! Hey, no way," he shakes his head, "you're pulling our leg."

"She's a genius," Jisu buts into the conversation, coming to pat your head, "she's my own mini-Captain."

"Not even Hongjoong can come up with a chorus in twenty minutes flat," San argues, glaring at the words and mumbling them to himself.

"Hey, (Y/n), how are you imagining this?" The woman grins, as you begin to tap on your leg, thinking of the right pace.

"Kind of- aaah, no," you stop yourself before even starting, restarting quietly, "dallyeoga crush on you, dallyeoga crush on you. Ah, yes!" You lean over your paper and draw a little meter of how upbeat it should be. "Like, tipi-tip tap, tipi-tipi, tap-tap~ That fits right?"

Mingi points at Sans look of speechlessness, squeaking with laughter and leaning into your side.

"Hey, Unnie, can you-" You look and see Sunji enter, quickly looking up from her phone and having the same look of 'oh shit' that you did. "Oh, hello," she quickly bows, having the same conversation with your manager and nodding along.

Mingi and San are still helping you with fine tuning lyrics as she joins, sitting beside you and looking at the words curiously.

"What were you going to ask, Sunji?" You question as you making the recommended change that San suggested, nodding at the way it looks.

"Ah," she blushes a bit, asking in a hushed tone, "could you braid my hair before practice? Yours was really pretty the other day, but I don't know how."

"Awe," you smile at the young girl, sliding back and patting the space you previously occupied, "of course, anything for my maknae!"

San looks down at you two with a fond expression as you card your hands through her hair and she reads the words with curiosity. "Is this our next song?"

"No-"

"Maybe!" Mingi cuts you off, taking the marker and jotting down some more words, "your Unnie wrote the chorus all by herself!"

"Woah, really?" She meets your eyes in the reflection, "you can write too? You're good at everything!"

She bounces, making you pat her shoulder with a chuckle, "stay still."

"Sorry," she giggles, stilling as you begin to braid her hair back in an intricate way, "how does it go?"

You sing the chorus for her, San nodding along and Mingi listening closely; tilting his head as he thinks.

"Hey, Ye-ssi," he points to one of the lines with the marker that he's effectively taken over, "here, code in L-O-V-E~ What about," he wipes the line and replaces it as you watch with interest, "this?"

"The code is L-O-V-E," you sing together to the rhythm in your heads, feeling out the vibe.

"I like it!" Sunji peeps, breaking you and Mingi's sudden staring contest.

"Ah," you turn to her quickly to avoid his gaze, "really? Why don't you sing it for us?" You settle back behind her and continue to braid her long hair, watching as she smiles brightly. "Your voice really suits a soft concept."

To anyone watching the moment in the documentary many months later, it's certainly a heartwarming scene. Especially paired with the caption the editors slipped in: 'Ye-ssi is showing off her makenae<3'.

If they looked hard enough; they'd also see that Mingi's gaze never left your hands as you gently braided your young members hair, and that San's kept flicking to you with a sense of wonder...

⋆.ೃ:･CAN'T STOP MY CRUSH ON YOU𐦍.ೃ࿔*:･

⋆.ೃ:･DELETED SCENES.ೃ࿔*:･

#ONE#

After your strange but heart warming moment with Seonghwa, you return back to your own practice room; where Bongcha and Namseon are watching Eunhwa play a game on her phone.

Sunji and Aeyoung are seemingly having a flexibility competition, with Yoomi as the judge.

You sit on the bench and watch between the two groups, a content smile on your face until from the open door you hear —

"I'll kill you!" All of you perk up, running to the door and peeking your heads out.

"Was that Park-nim?" Sunji asks with a pout, "he doesn't seem like the type to get angry."

"What'd he say? I don't know that word," Bongcha looks to you.

"I'll kill you, he said," you translate for her while watching curiously as the man in the doorway slides out of the way to make room for another, who comes flying out of the room; quickly followed by Seonghwa.

"Come back here!"

"No, I want to live! Hyung, please! I want to live!"

⋆.ೃ:･L-O-V-E WILL BE RIGHT BACK.ೃ࿔*:･

201 notes · View notes

macsimagines · 3 months ago

Text

YANDERE!BULLY MANJIRO (MIKEY) SANO

OK! y'all voted so heres me doing my best. as always please give me feedback (seriously let me know)

MINORS DNI WARNINGS: BULLYING BEHAVIOR, INTIMIDATION TATICS, BORDERLINE THREATENING, SOMONOPHILIA, NONCON / DUBCON

Has no idea he's your bully. He just thinks the way you squirm is so cute. Don't get me wrong, he know that you're afraid of him. But everyone is scared of him. Flinching in his presence is only natural so he never questions it.

There's just something in the way you jump when he slams open a door or in that stutter he can see in your pulse when he plops down next to you. And don't get him started on your whimpers. They're delicious.

Yes, out of all his favorite things in the world you're certainly a prized possession. Yup, that's right. You're not even your own person at this point. You're the Invincible Mikey's pet.

It started off in grade school and just took off from middle school to high school. Years of all kinds of bullshit that just kept escalating. First it was flipping up your skirt, and then it was making you kiss him once in a blue moon, and finally in front of everyone announcing loudly; "You're mine, Y/N."

A beloved pet. He constantly has an arm on or around you, making sure you can feel his solid body and completely misreading the shiver he see go down your spine every time your bare skin touches.

'I feel it too, baby.'

Mikey made sure you were protected, but that also meant that people were naturally scared to come around you. One guy ended up with broken legs for bumping into you, another was put into a full body cast for talking to you rude.

Then again, those came with many costs of their own. Mikey wanted to be rewarded you for all his hard efforts. Demanding kisses on the cheek and not going away if you don't. He doesn't care other people are watching. Making you his personal human pillow, who cares if people can see him leaning on you.

The breaking point was one day when the kisses got a little steamier and you couldn't take it any more. You're actually pulling away from him and Mikey, not used to your resistance is a little taken aback.

"Y-Y/N?" "Enough already." "Enough? Do you got a cramp or-," "Stop messing with me, Manjiro!"

And you let off on him. About how you're sick of the bullshit all these years later and how you seriously won't stand for him taking his sexual frustrations out on you.

Mikey's whole world come's crashing down around him. Those can't be your true feelings? He's so genuinely confused as to how you've morphed his affection and protection into something so ugly.

He doesn't let you go though. You're not allowed to leave him like this. He has to fix this, an unfamiliar dread is filling him at the thought of having to go without you in his life.

Demanding to know what the hell are you talking about? Aren't you two in love? When he declared that you belonged to him why didn't you understand?

And your face is filled with disgust as he continues to question you about this sick imagined fantasy he built up when you've been too afraid to even breath wrong around him.

"When you said 'careful you look like an idiot'?" "I was just lookin' out for you." "When you called me a 'frail small fry',?" "I thought it was a term of endearment." "Groping me?" "I... You didn't like it?"

You're smacking him right across the face, an action that would've given you a panic attack just thinking about it. And he's stunned into silence, the feeling of your soft skin striking him so harshly...

He watches you walk away from him, and shockingly doesn't try to stop you. Apparently everything he does scares you, and he needs you to love him like he's realizing he loves you.

Mikey is blowing up your phone every five minutes with a text and every hour with a call. The longer you hold out on him the more frequent he's going to try and reach out to you. Each message is also becoming increasingly more desperate.

"Y/N, you're my world, please talk to me." "God you looked so pretty far away, can I at least tell you you're pretty, right?" "I can't wait for you to let me hold you again. Its getting harder to sleep. For both of us, isn't that right?"

You don't know how he knows that last part, but its so true. You keep having sleep paralysis episodes where this feral dark energy is hovering over you...

Sometimes it touches you softly caressing your cheeks with some kind of shadowy tendril, other times its full on groping you. getting in between your legs to cup you. You swear some nights its actually real. That it's touching you or that its... Inside you.

The nightmares are getting progressively worse and with the lack of sleep combining with Mikey's barrage of deranged messages you're starting to really loose it.

One day you're walking aimlessly on the streets of Tokyo. Too tired to do anything, and too anxious to sleep. You don't even notice the figure watching from an alley.

Mikey hasn't been too far away ever since you two went on your 'break', just a few paces behind. But today you're walking in such dreary fog, that he got closer.

Finally you stumble into him and as soon as your eyes meet a flood of conflicting emotions goes through the pair of you. Love, hope, thrill, conflicting with dread, disgust, angst.

He feels like he used to before your true feelings came out. But seeing you shake and quiver in his arms after all this time just makes those tantalizing reactions of yours all the more delicious.

"Don't worry baby, I'll make you understand and feel my love."

#yandere tokyo revengers #yandere manjiro sano #yandere mikey sano #yandere!Bully

170 notes · View notes

xinganhao · 2 months ago

Text

this milestone notification hit while i was in the middle of hiatus (which i am still kind of in! lol), so i'm a couple of days late ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥᷄⌓˂̣̣̥᷅ )‧º·˚ but, once again: thank you so much for enjoying my work! whether it's a like, a kind message in my inbox, a reblog/etc., it has meant so much 🫶🏻 i see and appreciate all of it, even if i may not be able to respond to everyone!

as i slowly but surely crawl my way back here, i do want to know:

1️⃣ do we prefer to see more individual member content/ot13 content? i've been slugging thru my series work (i.e. svtflix, burner acc.s), most of which are really individual members. i have long-term plans of one series per member (similar to not for sale and catch you when i can), but i want to know if in the nearer future there's any preference. :") i intend to balance them to the best of my ability; this is more of a pulse check than anything~

if you want to explain why you've voted for either, my dms and inbox are very much open. :) speaking of being open—

2️⃣ opening smau and text imagine requests for the next week or so! i'm in need of some inspiration to get back into the groove of things, so throw your member/ot13 thoughts my way. 🌟 the status of this may change according to how many asks i get, so please keep an eye on my pinned. ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ usual disclaimers apply: i reserve the right to accept/deny a request, please be patient, etc.

feel free to check my frequently asked questions for requests that are okay, my favorite tropes, etc.!

once again, thank you sooo much for being here ٩(^ᗜ^ )و ´- i don't think i'm entirely back yet (semi-ia is probably the best way to put it), but i am around. i hope you're happier than me today and, as always: don't be a stranger!

‹𝟹 kae (@studioeisa)

#── ᵎᵎ ✦ yapping #tl;dr — ty for always being kind to me :( + pls vote in the poll under the cut! hehe #ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND ｡°(°.◜ᯅ◝°)°｡ such a surreal number... oh mannnn #keeping this in the tags because they're not super duper relevant but in case any of you have been like #“hey kae where you been loca!”#the answer/s: writing a lot more longform @ studioeisa + got 2 jobs now!! + getting into f1 LMAO #work is still bogging me down more than usual (eugh) but i've gotten a slightly better hang of it (:#the break from xinganhao was really more of a #felt like i was running out of a steam? there's a certain standard i hold to smau creation #(or to all of my writing in general)#and so i didn't want to sacrifice any of that because of some self-imposed need to churn out content #thank u for not forgetting i exist!! wahahhahaa #much love and let's all be happy <3

83 notes · View notes

loveriotss · 8 months ago

Note

Hi! I've been seeing your profile for a while now and I liked the idea of requesting a headcanon about Shinsou's best friend with gn!reader, the reader is similar to Shinsou in terms of personality but a bit more sociable and sarcastic, maybe the reader is in class 1A? Thanks!

HIM AS YOUR BEST FRIEND ⸻ hitoshi shinso

INCLUDES — gn! class 1a! reader, platonic relationship, fluff, crack, headcannons WARNINGS — swearing

main masterlist — mha masterlist ༊*·˚

you and shinso have the type of friendship where y'all know way too much about each other so a friendship breakup is out of question because no way you're gonna let him walk out alive after all that he knows. (/j)(i think)

he is still very secretive.

trying to gain information from him is a whole ordeal and you feel like jumping up and down in happiness when he tells you something at his own will.

but he will tell you at the most out of pocket times and acts as if it's not a big deal.

"i've started training with your teacher now . . . might even join the hero course." "WHAT."

also a loner who is surprised.

honestly you gave up on trying to get him to socialize for a while but after the sports festival you didn't give him an option to say no when you dragged him to dorms for a joint movie night or a mall day with your classmates in an effort to push him to make some new friends.

fights with him annoy you the most because no matter how big or small the situation is he does not give a flying shit so it's like arguing with a ghost.

however if it's a serious situation, he will apologize if he is at fault.

but if you were ever to do something that is your fault trust he won't ever let you live it down.

"give me some." "nuh uh, these are my chips get your own." "remember when we were seven and you fractured my finger in that one playground-" "UGH LEAVE ME ALONE IT WAS AN ACCIDENT AND I SAID I WAS SORRY!" "you should give me a chip." "shut up big back." "remember when you pushed me off a bunk bed and i almost broke my back-" "JUST TAKE THE ENTIRE BAG AT THIS POINT."

if something is bothering him he won't tell it to you verbally but you'll know when he randomly calls you over to some secluded place to listen to his music tapes in silence.

now if you're wondering whether he'd tell you what was wrong is completely up to him and his mood (annoying little shit 💔).

he's not the biggest fan of your class at it shows 😓.

"what do you think of this outfit? it's our first time going to the movies as a class i don't wanna wear something goofy and stop giving me the side eye hitoshi." "how can you willingly hang out with them? they're so odd." "oh i'm so sorry your highness i should have taken your advice and stayed at home playing that game you're obsessed with." "IT'S A GOOD GAME." "mhm sure, a good game indeed so good that you almost broke your phone while playing it." "the dress to impress voting is rigged." "you're just ass at it." "you look like an ass."

yeah that's not gonna stop any time soon because of how determined the two of you are to get the last word in.

NOTE — last request done gangalang!!!! i'm not gonna open up my reqs just yet because i'm starting exams soon and i don't want anyone waiting really long for their reqs to be completed because of how busy i'll be 😓😓. will probs open it around beginning of next month?? idk i'll see.

160 notes · View notes

runawaymarbles · 1 month ago

Note

I 100% think that your shitty post about "suck it up and be ready to vote blue no matter who instead of asking for anything" is exactly why Democrats are in the 30s in terms of favorability polls. I don't think we disagree on the basic premise that things have been going from bad to worse for decades and that the cost of living has skyrocketed relative to wages. Living today as an "average" person is just harder than it used to be. Why is it so hard to understand that people are desperate for change, so desperate that some of them voted for Trump? People. Just. Want. To. Live. And you come here and tell everyone that the strategy for the next decade is to suck it up and vote even harder for even less. That was the stratgey in 2016. It failed. In 2024, Biden won, but Biden won by a nothing in the light of a pandemic, an economic crisis, a horrible Trump presidency, the biggest civil rights movement since the 60s and, most importantly, because Biden himself presented himself as a reformer. "He's going to be the next FDR" was one of the slogans used. He opened to the left as well and won. People don't want normalcy. People really, really don't fetishize the status quo like you think they do. People just want to live. And the current present, nor the present before Trump, allowed for much of it. I'm not sure what makes you think that fighting for anything other than what you had before is a desirable objective for anyone. People want a better future to live in, most of the policies you tried to paint as unrealistic/delusional are perfectly achievable and many of them have been achieved already. It literally makes ZERO SENSE to come to people who are losing everything and tell tem to stop whining and suck it up and accept whatever rotten corpocrat comes their way. This is exactly how people came to vote for Trump in the first place, and how they lost hope with Democrats. What you push for is a proven failure of an electoral strategy (history can attest to that already), a recipe for even more disasters in the future (since the corrupt status quo was exactly the reason behind all the policies that have come to cripple the lives of people to the extent they looked at fascists as the hairbinger of change they so desperatly craved for) and, ultimately, it's soulless, morally rotten ("How dare you pretend your leaders to stop funding and defending a genocide? How dare you pretend your leaders to to domsrhing to help you afford education and health? How dare you ask for a better future?"). This isn't a drill. Change your ways or you'll never win again.

I love how you're talking to me like I'm the Democratic Party, or a democratic candidate.

That post isn't a campaign strategy. I'm sure the dems are going to campaign on all sorts of Cool Shit. I'm sure democratic candidates are going to promise you the fucking world.

That post is recommending you set your expectations and disappointment thresholds accordingly for when they're actually in office.

Also HILARIOUS that people were so "desperate to live" that they voted out the guy creating jobs and funding medical research and voted IN the guy who cut jobs and funding for medical research and may well bring on a food crisis. People weren't desperate to live, they were desperate to have someone to hit. And if you don't know anything the Biden administration accomplished you can do a google once in a while.

67 notes · View notes

jewishvitya · 1 year ago

Text

I'm annoyed, I need to vent. I keep seeing this "a few bad apples" kind of attitude:

The reply isn't wrong. Yes, he's considered an extremist. Just like Ben-Gvir is considered an extremist. Just like Smotrich is considered an extremist.

Ben-Gvir and Smotrich got 10% of the votes in the last elections.

Just a bit ago someone sent me a video of Smotrich calling for genocide and asked me "are those subtitles real?" Because people check with me for Hebrew. And it was real. He said, explicitly, "Rafah, Deir al Balah, Nuseirat, total extermination." None of this is surprising from them. They've always been like this, this isn't new, and they won 10% of votes.

Often on posts by myself or other anti-zionist Israelis, especially posts showing protests, I see people saying "remember the people aren't the government" and yes, that's true, we're not, it's so important to remember that. But it's so infuriating to me when I see people talking like Israeli society wants to reach fairness and justice and coexistence and politicians are getting in the way. Like we aren't in line with our government on a lot. Why, because we hate Netanyahu?

Hating Netanyahu means nothing. I know people who hate Netanyahu so they voted for Bennett, who is further right than him. I know people who hate Netanyahu because he isn't brutal enough for them, they think he's holding back, they'd want someone like Ben-Gvir or Smotrich to be Prime Minister. I don't know many people who hate Netanyahu for being too far to the right. The biggest group are on the same page as him in terms of what the goal is (no Palestinian state), they just think he's doing a bad job of it and he's too corrupt. They're good with the Likkud, they just want to get rid of Netanyahu and his people, and then the party will be fixed in their eyes.

That's why, for me the next question I always want to ask is, who are we voting for. Which policies are we voting for. And the left-leaning political parties don't get voters.

In Israel "left" and "right" are practically decided according to opinions about Palestine. You could be pro-LGBTQ, pro socialist policies, pro all sorts of lefty ideas, but if you're right wing on Palestine you'll call yourself a right winger in Israel. I knew an antifeminist pro-capitalist MRA incel who considers himself a leftist because he supports a Palestinian state. I am not exaggerating, I'm not making up a character, I met him a few years ago through shared friends, he visited my apartment at some point.

So when I'm saying leftist parties don't get votes, that's because Israeli society broadly agrees with the right wing ABOUT PALESTINE. It's the first priority most of us have when voting. And we don't vote for anything that has a chance to improve their lives, because we're scared. We want to keep them in check.

Israelis are in denial about the fascism in our own society, so those who are too explicit about it, too outspoken about being nationalist, are just... "who can take them seriously?" All while they have the support of 1 out of 10 Israelis.

I'm not saying "assume that every Israeli is evil, you should want us all dead." Just... we're in denial about our own society, and it drives me crazy when people pretend like the problem isn't as big as it is.

#riki babbles #venting

361 notes · View notes

formulampreg · 4 months ago

Text

✨Welcome to the Formula mpreg fest✨

Welcome everyone! and welcome all kinds of mpreg!

We know and understand mpreg is not everyone's thing, so please don't hang around if you're sure you don't like and don't be rude to those that enjoy it ✨

That being said...

Welcome everyone ♥️

These are some tentative dates that will be put up for voting:-

Prompting: January 6 to 26

Claiming: January 27

Check in: February 21-22

Posting: March 8-9

Reveals: March 10

Links for you ♥️

The Collection

The prompt form

The claiming form

Further info is on the collection's dashboard but let me add it down here as well

What's mpreg? Whay counts as mpreg for the fest? Mpreg is a term used to describe situations where a man becomes pregnant, resulting in a Male Pregnancy. The fest welcomes all kinds of mpreg: cismpreg, transmpreg, intersex mpreg, a/b/o dynamics, magical pregnancies, fics that go into the carried gene variant, you could also not offer an explanation and just have the world be like that.

Prompting & Claiming FAQ

Is it necessary to submit a prompt to claim one? Do I have to claim a prompt to submit one? No! You don’t need to submit prompts in order to claim them, and you are not required to claim prompts to “be allowed” submit them.

How are claims done? Once we set up the schedule, you will be able to start claiming by pressing on the “Claim” button next to the prompt you want and then filling out the Claim Form. Please remember that If you don’t fill it, your claim will be deleted.

Can more than one person claim a prompt? No! Only one claim per prompt will be allowed. It will be on the “First come First serve” basis, and any secondary claims will be deleted. Anyone that wants to use any other media that isn't writing doesn'tneed to claim it on AO3, just please fill out the form so I can know <3

How do self-prompts work? Right before the ending of the Prompting Period we will post a bunch of “Self-Prompt” prompts. These are for people that have their own, original ideas they want to write or make art for but that they still want to share inside the Fest.

How are self-prompts claimed? The exact same way! Except more people can claim each one. You’ll be able to claim one and that will count for the three claims per person limit.

Remember friends: you can always drop out if life gets messy or if the inspiration runs away!

And now some RULES

1. All Works must include some form of mpreg - this mean that if your story has past or future "off-screen" mpreg, then it still counts! 2. Gen fic is welcomed! Not everything has to revolve around romantic and/or sexual relationships. 3. Minimum word count is 1k! Chaptered fics are, of course, allowed, you'd just have to make sure that the first chapter (or chapters) you post hits 1k words. 4. All works - especially those included sensitive topics and/or smut HAVE to be properly tagged. We will read over the fics before allowing them into the collections and we will ask you to tag properly if we detect a missing tag. 5. Ships must include at least two (2) paddock individuals. OCs or Non-paddock characters are not allowed for final ships. Y/N fics are not allowed. 6. No plagiarism allowed, no unauthorized reproduction allowed. If someone sees a prompt or a work that you suspect was copied from someone or somewhere else, please let the mods know.

RESTRICTED THEMES The only restricted themes the fest will have will be: Pedophilia, incest and underage.If you want to include an aged up character that had a kid when they were teenagers, you can. But you cannot have underage characters engaging in sexual activities in your fic.

#fic fest #f1 rpf #f1 fanfic #f1 fanfiction #f1 ficfest #mpreg #f1 mpreg #f1 rpf fanfic

127 notes · View notes

iristhelegendofthestorm · 7 months ago

Text

@spliffyfuckingmcjingles666

Did you know that Trump tried to ban transgender people from serving in the military? Because he did.

Source: https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-40729996

Did you know that Trump revoked protections for transgender students, allowing schools to force them to use bathrooms matching their sex assigned at birth? Because he did.

Source: https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2017/02/22/516290661/trump-administration-rolls-back-protections-for-transgender-students

Did you know that Trump’s administration argued that businesses should be allowed to fire LGBTQ employees simply for being LGBTQ? Because they did.

Source: 6https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2019/10/09/trump-administration-wants-legalize-lgbtq-discrimination-just-call-it-religious-freedom/

Did you know that Trump appointed anti-LGBTQ judges to the federal courts, many of whom have a history of opposing same-sex marriage and LGBTQ rights? Because he did.

Source: https://www.hrc.org/press-releases/human-rights-campaign-on-trumps-dangerous-anti-lgbtq-judicial-appointments

Did you know that Trump’s administration eliminated LGBTQ health care protections, allowing discrimination in medical treatment? Because they did.

Source: https://www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-out/trump-administration-ends-lgbtq-health-care-protections-n1231018

Did you know that Trump refused to recognize Pride Month while in office, breaking a long-standing tradition set by previous presidents? Because he did.

Source: https://www.npr.org/2019/06/07/730707866/president-trump-not-officially-recognizing-pride-month-advocates-say-that-speaks

Did you know that Trump supported “religious freedom” policies that allow businesses to deny services to LGBTQ people? Because he did.

Source: https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2020/07/08/supreme-court-expands-religious-schools-hiring-rights/5395015002/

Did you know that Trump’s Department of Justice stopped advocating for LGBTQ rights in court cases? Because they did.

Source: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/07/26/us/politics/justice-department-gays-workplace.html

Did you know that Trump’s administration cut funding for HIV/AIDS prevention programs and dismissed an entire panel of HIV/AIDS advisors? Because they did.

Source: https://www.cnn.com/2017/12/29/health/hiv-council-trump/index.html

Did you know that Trump stopped U.S. embassies from flying Pride flags during Pride Month? Because he did.

Source: https://www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-out/state-department-tells-u-s-embassies-they-can-t-fly-n1014501

don't tell me that I don't have sources, or that trump loves LGBTQ people. You are being misled. If this doesn't change your view, regardless of everything else I have said, you are obviously too self righteous and dense to understand and recognise that there are possibly facts that are true and opinions that aren't yours that are also valid. Please see that trump is not running for you, he is tricking you into thinking he is for his own personal gain. I'm not saying I love Kamala either, because I don't and the 2 party system sucks and all politicians are garbage people. However, I would rather vote for someone who might not make good on a few good promises, rather than someone who has promised to make ny life hell on his next term.

96 notes · View notes

endearing-dalliance · 5 months ago

Text

My two cents on Jayce's final speech

While I do not consider myself disabled, I have chronic health issues that are sometimes disabling. And I'm used to having to live my life with that in the back of my mind. Not in a self-hating way, simply pragmatically. I need certain medications and technology in order to function in a way I find worth living for. While I certainly don't speak for the entire disabled community, I'm not unfamiliar with the struggle™.

TLDR: they really, really needed a sensitivity reader or disabled person's input. A for the idea, F for the execution

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You've always wanted to cure what you thought were weaknesses. Your leg."

Jayce: *breaks leg* *leg can now no longer support his weight* *builds brace to compensate for leg weakness* *proceeds to shame Viktor for wanting a permanent fix for his own leg issue*

"Your disease."

Last season, when Viktor's disease was actively killing him, Jayce got Heimerdinger voted off the Council so Viktor could keep researching what Jayce himself joyfully admitted was a potential cure. How hard did this man's head hit the bottom of the pit?

But you were never broken, Viktor.

Why is Jayce the one getting to say what is and isn't broken? Broken is literally defined as "damaged and no longer in working order". The man was in chronic pain, visibly wasting away before our eyes, and born with a body that was not functioning as it should. Viktor describes his body as "eroding". He has never said that it makes him feel bad about himself as a person. Even when he called himself a cripple, its one of a list of obstacles he’s had to overcome to get where he is now. He isn't ashamed, he's proud. And Jayce is inspired by it enough to not to give up on his work. Or his life.

Side note: Some neurodivergent and disabled people use the term broken in a non-offensive way. For some, its a reminder that they the *person* are not broken. For others, its simply a fact of life they adjust to. But that doesn't mean other people get to label them as such.

"There is beauty in imperfections."

Sure, in the same way they used to call tuberculosis "consumptive chic" because it made you pale and thin with red lips. Death isn't beautiful, its devastating.

"They made you who you are, an inseparable piece of everything I admired about you."

Except, Viktor wouldn't be any less brilliant or determined or humorous if he wasn't disabled. Instantly made me think about this scene from Bojack:

Over and over I have watched the disabled community patiently explaining, passionately advocating, or righteously, ragefully, unceasingly insisting that they are more than their disability. That their disability doesn't define them. To see past it to who they are as a person. That regardless of your personal opinion, they have the same inherent value as an able-bodied person.

I get what Arcane was going for here. I really do. It was a nice idea in theory. But what they ended up with was a well-meaning, able-bodied, privileged person assigning labels to a disabled person's own opinion of himself, tell him what he should and should not do with his body, and then tie this deeply questionable conversation about Viktor's body to Viktor as a person.

And for once true to his S1 character, THAT DID NOT SWAY VIKTOR AT ALL. The last time he saw Jayce, he got soundly rejected. The next scene of them is him continuing to "evolve" Jayce. Ekko's device gave Jayce the opportunity tell Viktor how much he wanted him and THAT made the difference.

#arcane #disability #ableism #arcane criticism #good damage #arcane critical #arcane s2 #arcane season one #arcane viktor #arcane jayce #jayvik #arcane ekko #bojack horseman #bojack quotes #bojack diane #diane nguyen

78 notes · View notes

izzabela · 8 months ago

Text

talked about this with my IRL friend, but...

poor law terms, MDNI - eventual smut, fem!reader, semi-public sex?, dirty talk, semi-degradation?, breeding

see, i would have done a doctor's office, but i want to be a dermatologist. also, doctor's offices usually have a lot more ethics involved...

legal office!au with TF141, and john is the main lawyer and founder of the "TF Law Firm"

laswell is price's prized secretary, but with her marriage and her history, price gave her lighter hours

after laswell, there's simon riley. the "ghost" of the court room, he somehow can find evidence and information buried so deep that it brings him unanimous votes from the jury

gaz, a law clerk who's freshly graduated from law school. the youngest on price's team, he has incredible insight when drafting strategies for price, simon, and soap

john mactavish, he's called "soap" in the courtroom due to his ability to cross-examine and get the opposing side to admit fault easily and quickly. he's clean with it, hence "soap" as his nickname

there's also farah and her paralegal alex. another talented lawyer, farah and alex are an incredible duo thanks to their ability to get to the point of their cases quickly. plus, farah represents immigrants and people who can't afford lawyers at their base price

then there's you- the unassuming dagger of his office. sure, you're a pretty thing to look at in price's office (johnny always flirts with you, and simon usually knocks him straight), but you're a force not to be trifled with

you're the cherry on top- the lucky fortune slip. your legal strategies were something unheard of, insane, and gutsy; and, they paid off with unanimous decisions in his or his lawyer's favors. john's favorite cases were the ones you two stayed behind in the office for

sure, the research is great, but it's exhausting. fuck, no amount of coffee could justify the fact you, gaz, sometimes laswell, and price end up sleeping in his office

but when it's just you and price, the nights seem worth it. fat, oddly calloused, fingers buried into your tight cunt as he bullies the perfect spot with promises of a good fuck

"stay focused, doll," he whispers lowly, lips nipping your ear as you squeeze around his digits. "filthy thing. you'll ge' you' reward when we win."

and when he wins, he drags you into his office and slams you onto his huge mahogany desk. folded over, pencil skirt shaved off your hips and pooling around your legs, price's meaty cock is filling you perfectly. gummy walls sucking him as he fills you whole

"slutty goo' luck charm, innit?" he sneers. "cute thing fo' the world, but nothin' but a slag wi' me- isn't that right, doll?"

and you can't answer because your reward is deep inside you, his calloused paws gripping at your sides as he releases himself inside of you

don't worry, you're gonna be cleaned up by him. dressed in an extra button up, because you sweat so much in your own clothes, you're sleeping soundly in his arms as he strokes your hair down

a quiet ping from his phone can be heard, and he rolls his eyes when he sees it's from laswell

congratulations on the win, sir, but close the door fully next time

#call of duty modern warfare 2023 #call of duty #john price #john price x reader #cod mwii

93 notes · View notes

a-student-out-of-time · 4 months ago

Text

More Real Talk

Hey everyone. Mod Bubbles here.

I'm not gonna beat around the bush here: you all know what's going on, you've all heard about it, you don't need me to tell you about it. You've heard about it and you're gonna hear about it a lot these next four years.

I don't want to talk about that. Instead, I wanna address something else that, on a personal level, I believe is a lot more serious but a lot easier to grapple with.

You wanna know what I believe is the biggest problem we're dealing with these days? You can point to a lot of things, but at the core, they all have the same root to them.

Hopelessness.

Yeah, a DR blog talking about hope, how crazy is that?

But in all seriousness, it's at the core of every argument, every political discussion, every post I see made about not just the near future, but the long term as well. It's always the same points about neo-fascism, climate change, wars, cyberpunk dystopias, and global extinction. Very few people today seem to have any faith that the world can be better.

And I can't say I blame them. I was there too once, when I was a teenager. I lived in constant fear of the future, worried about what it means for me, and I'd get trapped in doomscrolling cycles. I'd lay awake at night and cry my eyes out. Yet I'm still here, on the cusp of turning 30, and I'm at a better point in my life than I've ever been.

Fear and desperation are ultimately useful, but they can be self-destructive. They can prevent you from seeing the truth and make you ironically vulnerable to the ones you should be most afraid of.

Why do people join cults or militias or vote for bad politicians? Are they all just stupid or evil? Sure, some may be, but most are just desperate, afraid and don't understand how the world really works. They need a helping hand with deprogramming what they were told.

Here's the facts:

We've already beaten climate change's worst predictions and the changes we've made can be reversed.

Plastic pollution in the oceans is being cleaned up.

Conservation success stories just keep coming.

More people are living better lives nowadays, with lower rates of child morality, starvation, crime, preventable diseases, even bullying rates have declined.

The Green Energy Revolution is here and nothing is going to stop it.

New advancements in materials science are on the way and will revolutionize everything from construction to manufacturing to space exploration.

I say all this because the ultimate source of hope is knowledge. Yes, you can open yourself up to a lot of dark avenues when you start learning about the world, but you'll also learn how much good there is out there being done.

This isn't a distraction, it's how I help people understand that the world can always be better and that just one person being in power will not change that.

Now, I know what you may say to that. I've seen posts about how the internet is going to be censored, that propaganda spread everywhere, that there'll be concentration camps, the constitution will be ripped up, etc.

And to that, I have to be honest: I've already heard it all before.

The things you're worried about today? I was worried about them in 2009 during the Great Recession. People worried about them in 2005 when Bush was re-elected, and the concerns there also included terrorism. Do we even still talk about Al-Qaeda? Not really!

And misinformation in this age has always been a problem, especially on the big sites. These are old problems brought to the forefront, and it's always been important to learn the skills to spot them.

More importantly, all this assumes the administration would actually be able to implement any of their promises. Every administration does that and few of the truly big ones about change have happened, especially because said promises ran counter to reality within the system.

I'm not trying to downplay any concerns about the situation, I promise. It's okay to be sad, scared, and concerned about peoples' safety. It's okay to cry if you need to. What you should not do is give up just because of all this.

I'm going to sound very harsh for a moment, but I need to say it: by being doomerist and defeatist, you're part of the problem. You not only stop helping, you run the risk of discouraging other people from trying because you believe it's pointless. When you succumb to pessimistic nihilism, you create a self-fulfilling prophecy that only rewards those who benefit from your inaction or your death.

Don't do that to people. Don't do that to yourself.

The world gets better when you first believe it can be better. How do you do that?

Well, I can't speak for everyone, but here's some suggestions that I'm sticking to:

Live daily life. Get up, eat, stay hydrated, take your medication, bathe, dress comfortably, listen to music, watch a movie, clean your home, play a game, hang out with friends, just do things that make you happy. As you should always do.

Stop looking at doomer posts. It literally does not help with anything and they are not credible sources of information just because they're cynical.

Do not let go of your ambitions. Always have a dream or a goal in mind, no matter what it is, and always aim for it. It's never stupid, it's never too late, it's something you aspire to and that's really awesome.

Stop looking for enemies. There are more important things to devote your time to than arguing over inane bullshit on the internet. That's been true since the start.

Be kind to people. Let go of whatever anger and resentment you may have for people, try to make new friends, and recognize when you can help someone else in need. Sometimes it's as simple as letting them know you care.

Be kind to yourself. You are not a failure, you're not a burden, you're not a lost cause, you can always improve as long as you're alive.

Remove toxicity from your life. Cut out bad influences and replace them with better things. If you have to leave a toxic environment, you can work on doing so.

Always learn new things. It's really fun to end the day with a new piece of knowledge you didn't have the day before.

Let yourself feel. Are you angry? Sad? Scared? Worried? Let yourself feel it, and then you can move on. Don't bury an emotion or let it stagnate.

Learn to recognize bad faith posts/misinformation. This is a critical skill to possess and one you need to always pass on to others. Not everyone who posts it is evil, sometimes all they need is a simple correction on a matter and the situation will be resolved.

Clown on Evil. Whenever people want you to fear them or take them seriously, you mock them, make memes about them, treat them as a joke and defuse whatever power they try to have.

Be true to yourself. Above all, don't let the next 4 years turn you into something you're not.

I say all this as someone who's been around longer than a lot of people who follow me: your future is not empty. I wished I'd done years ago everything I'm doing now, but I've decided I'd rather do them than spend the rest of my life lamenting and wondering what might've been.

You can spend years convincing yourself there is no future, and then the future arrives and you have no idea what to do anymore.

Change- actual change- starts from below and works its way up. And no matter how much life beats you down, no matter what's on TV or what the future may hold, you can always choose to do something about it.

You can always choose to be kind to yourself and to others. You can always choose to believe. And that's where you can start.

#mod talks #a student out of time #real talk

55 notes · View notes

literallynathandrake · 6 months ago

Text

So She Lost

The 2024 election and how to make things better

We did our best folks, we voted. We canvassed and phone banked and fundraised and bullied the president into dropping out of the race. But we lost. We cannot change that, and the sooner you accept that then sooner you can begin to feel better.

Take a week, a month, till the inauguration, however long to come to terms with what happened. You're feeling grief and grief takes time to process.

But a lost election does not mean you will die.

Your life, if I had to guess, will become materially worse. If you're queer and in a red state start saving up. If you're trans get those name and gender changes in. If you're undocumented, or related to someone undocumented, get your shit gathered.

I can't guide you through everything but I can tell you now that your life is not over, and even if it will suck absolute shit, it will get better over time. You'll graduate, get a promotion, find a partner (or find some garlic bread if you're not into the whole relationship thing), see friends, watch movies, read books, watch a sunset. There will still be good things, and it is important that we appreciate these good things especially when things start to suck.

We can't make any calls on how bad the next four years will be but I can say this, fascist governments can't last forever. They're a fire that gets lit and burns itself out. Some fires are big and destroy a lot of things, sometimes they can be contained, sometimes they burn longer than you'd like.

But they do burn out, especially when people contain it and help control it.

Find local organizations that advocate for the one thing you care most about. Trans rights, abortion, Gaza, homelessness. Go to join them, work with them, and recruit for them.

If you can't find these orgs, get a friend and do it yourself. If you can't find a friend, make one. Do not ever think you are helpless, you are a member of your community and with enough work you can work to change it. Even if no one listens to you, you are there making a statement and that means that you are not silent.

As online as I am I think I'm going to wane off it. It does nothing for me, outside of wasting my time and laugh at funny jpegs. It's important that we remember that the Internet is not real life, as much as it may seem.

Also, and I don't care if you're an anarchist, socialist, communist, third worldist, neo-Trotskyite. You're a bleeding heart liberal now. Keep your social positions, but leftism can't get done now. You love Joe Biden, you loved Hillary, you were ok with Bernie. Work within this framework until it becomes politically viable to do anything else.

Sleep, we all need it, and drink water. Take your medicine if you have any. Maybe go for a walk in the morning. You're not screwed yet, make the most of it

#self help #cope #election 2024 #politics #2024 #us elections #us politics #usa #america #trans rights #leftism #progressive #liberal

85 notes · View notes

scoonsalicious · 1 year ago

Text

Unwanted: Chapter 8, Unexpected - Pt. 1

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Fem!Reader

Summary: When your FWB relationship with your best friend Bucky Barnes turns into something more, you couldn’t be happier. That is, however, until a new Avenger sets her sights on your super soldier and he inadvertently breaks your heart. You take on a mission you might not be prepared for to put some distance between the two of you and open yourself up to past traumas. Too bad the only one who can help you heal is the one person you can no longer trust.

Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Language, bit 'o' dirty talk, allusions to sexual situations, Tony being Tony.

Word Count: 1.9k

Previously On...: Tony invented an interesting game for the team to play while you and Bucky were otherwise... occupied, and the team voted on whether or not to approve Jade's probationary term. To your surprise, Bucky voted against it, though it didn't matter, as you were outvoted, but you were grateful for his support.

A/N: Welcome to Chapter 8! I know Bucky said some shitty stuff in Ch. 7, Pt. 1, but I'd like to clarify that none of what was said was out of malice or lack of care for Pocket. He just truly wasn't thinking about how the things he said would make her feel. Is it callous? Absolutely. Is it unforgivable? I don't necessarily think so. We all have moments where we simply speak without thought. It's not his finest moment in the fic, but it's also not going to be his worst.

Thank you to all those who have been reading; if you like what you've read, likes, comments, and reblogs give me life, and I truly appreciate them, and you!

Banner By: The absolutely amazing @mrsbuckybarnes1917

Taglist: (Please let me know if you’d like to be added!) @jmeelee @cazellen @blackhawkfanatic @les-sel @marcswife21 @buckybarnessimpp @mrsbuckybarnes1917 @erelierraceala @hayjat @capswife @itsteambarnes @jupiter-107 @marygoddessofmischief @sebastians-love @learisa @lethallyprotected @rabbitrabbit12321 @buckybarnesandmarvel @fanfictiongirl77 @calwitch

The next few weeks were some of the best of your life. True to his word, Bucky was romancing the absolute shit out of you. It seemed like nearly every night, he was whisking you out for another romantic dinner, or to this hole-in-the-wall jazz club he found so he could finally take you dancing ("the proper way, not this humping-while-standing-up-thing you kids do nowadays"). He brought fresh flowers to both your suite and your office once a week like clockwork, and the sex-- well, there were some mornings you couldn't even walk properly. It was perfect. He was perfect.

Together, you existed in your own little bubble, a new level of happiness unlocked in both of you that neither one ever expected to achieve.

The day of Jade's move-in to the Tower arrived, and you would have completely forgotten all about it if Tony hadn't mentioned it to you when you passed him in the hall on your way to meet Bucky in the common room for lunch. The reminder didn't weigh you down like you had expected it to. While she was unpleasant, and you didn't expect to become chums with her anytime soon, that burning rage you'd felt for her when she'd flirted with Bucky had subsided. Knowing how he felt about you had worn your jealousy down to non-existent.

You entered the common room, spotting Bucky kneeling in front of the coffee table, his back to you, as he took the lunches he'd ordered for you out of their takeout carriers and arranging them on the surface.

Feeling playful, you decided to sneak up on him, covering his eyes with your hands when you finally reached him.

"You know I heard you coming a mile away, doll," he chuckled, reaching around to pull you into a kiss. "Could smell you, too."

"Oh, I--" You felt the heat rise to your cheeks as you sank next to him on the floor. Just thinking about Bucky was enough to get you aroused most days, but for it to be enough for him to smell--

"Relax, ya pervert; I meant your perfume," Bucky laughed, passing you a bottle of iced tea from the take out bag. You playfully swatted at him.

"You're awful," you admonished with a grin.

"Yet, you love me," he shot back, leaning in to give you a quick kiss.

"The world is full of mysteries," you teased. You started opening up the container of Gaeng Daeng Bucky had ordered from your favorite Thai place. The portions were so large, you'd only ever be able to eat half of it, but that was just fine; your super soldier boyfriend would make sure none of it went to waste.

"I do love that lilac perfume on you," Bucky mused as he dug into his own plate of Pad Krapow Moo Saap. "Mixes so nice with the scent of your pussy."

You choked on a bite of your curry as Bucky broke into a fit of laughter. Handing you your bottle of tea, Bucky gently rubbed your back as he tried to reel himself in. "I'm sorry, doll. Drink this. Don't go choking to death on me, now."

When you were finally able to get your breathing back under control, you shot him a look.

"What?" he said, face the picture of innocence as he held up his hands in surrender. "'s not my fault you have the prettiest pussy I've ever laid my tongue on."

For the sake of propriety, you wanted to be mad at, or at least a little annoyed by him. But, Lord, if his words didn't do things to you. So, instead, you grabbed him by the shirt collar and pulled him toward you in a bruising kiss. His hands quickly guided your body down, until you were lying on the floor and he was resting on top of you, your Thai food temporarily abandoned as you gave in to one another.

Bucky had just begun pawing at your clothes when you both froze at the sound of someone awkwardly clearing their throat in the doorway.

"Common Room's closed for maintenance. Come back later," Bucky called over his shoulder without even looking. You couldn't help but laugh as he resumed kissing you. The man had no shame and you were kinda into it.

"Buck." The single word, low and harsh from Steve left you both frozen in place. In unison, you picked your heads up and looked to the door. Standing in the archway were three individuals-- one looking at you with barely disguised amusement, one with undisguised rage, and one who was trying very hard not to look at you at all.

"I hope you're not fraternizing on company time, Pocket," Tony said with a grin. Surprisingly, he had warmed up to the idea of you and Bucky being together (especially after you had threatened to "take my talents somewhere where my personal life won't be scrutinized and judged." "You wouldn't!" he'd gasped. "I wouldn't want to," you'd replied. "Don't let that be my only remaining option." It had been an empty threat; you both knew it, but it had been enough to get him on board).

The same couldn't be said for the man who refused to look at you, though. Since you and Bucky had officially begun dating, Steve had been ignoring you like you had cooties and he was unvaccinated, and you couldn't, for the life of you, figure out why. You'd brought your concern up to Bucky one evening, sure he'd assuage your anxiety, but he just told you to give the other man time to sort himself, leaving you with more questions. Did Steve hate you now because he thought you'd stolen his best friend from him? Or were those ‘Stucky’ shippers on Tumblr onto something?

"Like you're one to talk, Boss," you sassed back to Tony as you and Bucky extricated yourselves from your compromising position and stood up. Brushing down your pants, you turned to Bucky. "Can't even begin to tell you how many girls I've walked in on this guy with in the office before Pep came into the picture. Scarred me for life."

Tony had a faux-sappy look on his face and let loose a couple of fake sniffles as he clutched his hands to his heart. "Office dalliances of her very own. My little girl is all grown up. There is nothing more for me to teach you, precious Padawan." His hands moved to wipe away at a fake tear.

"Tony," Steve warned with a raised brow.

Tony blanched, as though just remembering his purpose for being in the common room. "Oh, yeah. Um, very unprofessional, you two. I'm shocked. Just scandalized. This is a place of business, blah blah blah and all that. Anyway, you remember Jade Carthage, our newest Probationary Avenger."

Ah, the third individual who was glaring at you with unadulterated hatred in her eyes.

"Vixen, nice to see you again. Welcome to the team." Bucky extended his hand for Jade to shake, and you watched her gaze soften and melt under his as she took his hand.

"Such a pleasure to see you again, Sergeant Barnes," she cooed. When Bucky released her hand, she turned to you, a cold, wicked smile that cut like a knife across her face.

"I don't think we've met," she said, extending her hand to you. "I'm Jade Carthage, but please, call me 'Vixen.'"

"(Y/N) (Y/L/N)," you said, with a shrug, as if completely nonplussed that she claimed not to know you. “My friends call me ‘Pocket,’ but Ms. (Y/L/N) should suffice.'" You took her hand to shake it. "CTO of Stark Industries, head of Innovation and Technology for the Avengers’ Initiative. Bucky's girlfriend." Jade's grip around your hand tightened, her super soldier strength making it feel as though she were crushing your very bones, but you held on, not letting a single ounce of pain show on your face. You'd dealt with worse.

When you didn't back down, Jade let your hand go. You flexed your fingers, relishing in the return of blood flow to your appendages.

"Buck," Steve said, and you were kind of hoping for more than just a single syllable out of him this time, "we're putting Jade next door to you. Mind showing her where to go? We've already had her stuff moved in. Tony and I just need to finalize some paperwork with her and we'll have her back down."

Sensing your body tense up at Steve's request, Bucky placed a reassuring hand at the small of your back. "Well, I'm in Pocket's room most nights now, anyway." He looked down at you, offering a soft smile that you returned. "But since she's just across the hall, yeah. We can walk you down, Jade. That is," he added, his smile turning a little naughty, "if I can convince my girl here to take the afternoon off and indulge me with a bit of her time." His arm moved from your back up to around your shoulders, and he pulled you into him.

"Well," you hemmed, as though not already completely convinced that would be an absolutely wonderful idea, "I have to check with my boss first. Hey, Tony?" He pursed his lips at you, clearly not pleased that you wanted to slack off. "Can I take the afternoon off?" He opened his mouth, most likely to deny you, but you cut him off "Oh, wait-- that's right. I don't actually report to you anymore." You turned back to Bucky. "We're good to go, baby." You winked and blew Tony a kiss. You both knew you had so much unused vacation time stacked up, you could not show up to work for a year and you'd barely tap into it.

"Great," Bucky said with a smile. "We'll finish our lunch and you can meet us back here when you're done finalizing your paperwork, and we'll show you your new digs."

Steve nodded and grunted his consent, while Jade just glared at you.

"Perfect," said Tony with a clap of his hands. Before turning to leave, he looked back at you and Bucky with a conspiratorial nod. "Just make sure to finish off your lunch and not each other, got it? I'm not due to have this carpet shampooed for another couple of weeks, and they charge extra for dealing with bodily fluids."

"Oh, gross, Tony," you moaned, while they walked off, Tony laughing to himself.

Once they were gone and you and Bucky had settled back around the coffee table to eat your now cooling Thai, you leaned in and kissed him. "Thank you," you said when you'd pulled away.

"For what?" he asked, breath a little uneven from the kiss.

"For being amazing and handling that entire thing perfectly," you told him, putting a hand on his knee.

He smiled at you, his blue eyes like crystals. "I told you, sweetheart, gonna be the best goddamned boyfriend you ever had, and that means making sure I'm not putting myself in a situation with her" he nodded his head toward the now empty doorway, "that makes you uncomfortable. Besides, it was really immature of her to pretend she didn't know who you were. I'm not going to spend alone time with someone who disrespects my girl like that."

You brought your hand up to stroke his jaw. "Have I told you how much I fucking love you?"

"Yeah," said Bucky, smiling at you through a big bite of his food, "but you might have to repeat yourself a lot. I am over a hundred, you know. My hearing's not what it used to be."

<- Previous Chapter / Next Part ->

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky x you #bucky x reader #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky x female reader #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes fanfiction #james bucky buchanan barnes #james buchanan barnes #mcu bucky barnes #james barnes

199 notes · View notes

anothermansjeans · 1 year ago

Text

Kaleidoscope

aaron hotchner x f!reader

a/n: thank you to those who voted on the poll! i'll probably put up another one either tomorrow or the following day <3 inspiration from kaleidoscope by chappell roan !!

summary: to y/n, love is a kaleidoscope. as beautiful as it is, it's confusing and complicating, and it hurts so much.

warnings: not proof read </3 she's angsty (w/ a happy ending) mentions of guns, mentions of death (very little don't worry), mentions of throwing up, violence, hotch is a bit of a dick but he has redemption...?

word count: 3k

Love is a beautiful thing. It can bring light into your life. It's the brightest of colors, the most elegant of shapes. To put it simply, love is like a kaleidoscope.

Love is also a complicated thing. How it works– you'll never truly know. There’s change, but it also stays the same. It’s never confined to a shape alone. Again, in simple terms, love is like a kaleidoscope.

For Y/N, that was the easiest way to put it. When in love, it seemed as though her entire world shifted. It was a confusing and beautiful mess. The problem with this tilted and symmetrical mirror view though, was integrated in the blind spots. In Y/N’s case, that meant her judgment– one of the most integral aspects of her job as an FBI profiler.

She wasn't sure when she switched to her kaleidoscope view on life, but she knew it had to be around the time Hotch offered himself up as bait to the current unsub they were trying to catch. She was worried– she had a right to be. Her and Aaron had been together for a little over a year now– you could say they were in it for the long haul– and she didn't want to lose her love, her life, her future. She was on edge for the rest of the case, but the worst was the moment it was confirmed the unsub had Hotch.

The team was ordered to sit in the car. Stay in the car until they heard either the code word from Hotch or a confession from the unsub. Y/N knew to take orders seriously– she was almost as stern as Aaron at times when it came to protocol during undercover ops. The problem came when they could clearly hear things start to get rough and not only were they still missing a confession, but Hotch had yet to say anything. She was terrified. He didn't have his gun– the entire team knew he would've been searched the moment he walked in the high-end club the victims frequented– and the thought of him not being able to defend himself sent chills down Y/N’s body.

Again, she can't remember the exact moment it happened, but one minute she was in the passenger seat staring intently at the door to the club while listening in, and the next she sent a bullet through the unsub’s head.

She fucked up.

She knew she fucked up the moment Aaron made eye contact with her and behind the lividness, she barely found the love that resided. She wanted to explain herself. She wanted to tell him that the reason why she went in guns blazing was because he was going to get himself killed. She couldn't live without him. She didn't want to.

Unfortunately, that time never came. The moment they found themselves alone in the aftermath happened to be when the paramedic left Hotch after a quick check-up.

“You're lucky.”

His rough voice caused Y/N’s body that had been previously leaned against the ambulance to shift towards Hotch. “Excuse me?”

“You're lucky. If he wasn't the unsub and if he hadn't been assaulting me, you'd end up fired. Possibly arrested.”

“Aaron, you have to know–”

“You crossed a line.” His voice was raised, “when we got into this relationship we had a conversation. Keep it out of the field and away from the team until it is necessary for them to know.”

She scoffed at his words, “you're worried about the team finding out? We just had our one year anniversary two months ago. I live with you and Jack for God’s sake, Aaron. Your life is one of the most important to me– I would do it again if I had to.”

“You crossed a line,” he repeated, exasperation on his face. He was acting as if she wasn't understanding a word he said. “How the Hell am I supposed to trust you?”

Y/N’s eyebrows raised, “oh my fucking God.” She shook her head and turned her back to him, placing her hands on her head as she heard the low mumble she definitely wasn't supposed to hear.

“We were better when we were barely friends.”

What the actual fuck.

Tears began to burn in her eyes as she spun around and saw the look on Aaron’s face. He looked like a deer caught in headlights. She opened and closed her mouth twice before words spew out with a sob. “Well if that's what you want, agent Hotchner.”

She could barely look at him again, so she quickly walked away. She didn't speak to anyone. She sat alone on the jet ride back to Quantico and as soon as they hit the tarmac, she booked a hotel.

When the two mandatory days the team gets off ends, Y/N immediately calls out sick. The anxiety of having to see, hear, or even being in the same building as Hotch made her physically sick, and she was in no shape to be driving down to the office. She feels like a coward– she has this idea that a “strong woman” wouldn't just run away to a hotel when shit hits the fan. She thinks they'd stay and fight, or at least grab their stuff before leaving, but when she was in the bathroom, hunched over the toilet as the feelings from the last few days trek through her body, she realizes that she is a strong woman. She walked away from him. Albeit, she let him decide where their relationship stood after his snide comment, she was still the one to take herself away from the situation.

What he said hurt her. She knows she would follow his lead with whatever is decided in regards to their relationship. Even though it felt as if he made that decision right then and there. Even after the hurt that he caused her heart, body, and soul with his words, she always seemed to go back to her kaleidoscope view. Things seem to be changing… but they always stay the same.

She took another two days to herself. The second day in her hotel room was spent trying to gain the energy back she initially lost while her body found a temporary home on the bathroom floor, and the third was spent using her key to grab a few of her clothes from the home she shared with the Hotchner boys while Aaron was at the BAU and Jack was at school.

Jack. God, she didn't even want to think about how he may have been feeling. That boy felt like her own in every way that counted. She hopes Aaron broke it to him gently… whatever “it” is.

When she did come back to work, she was bombarded by multiple questions from the team regarding her whereabouts. “I’m fine, I’m fine. I must've gotten something during the last case.”

She spoke that lie with her full chest. She had to, especially in a room full of profilers.

When the interrogation was over, she was barely able to sit down before hearing the voice she had been dreading for almost a week. “Y/L/N.”

Hesitantly, she turned her head up to see Hotch at his office door. The nod of his head requested her to go in there and talk to him, and she immediately felt a turning in her stomach.

She counted as she walked up. Normally, she would be up there in less than thirty seconds. This time, she took a minute and forty two seconds.

“Yes?”

The look on his face looked pained with a mix of anger. “Why weren't you here? What if we had a case?”

“I was sick.” Her voice was soft. She really wasn't in the mood to fight.

“This is why we shouldn't have started any–” he cut himself off, a look of regret immediately flooding his face. “I meant that our relationship shouldn't be getting in the way of work. The team–”

“Aaron, I was really sick.” She was tired of his whole “the team” bullshit. Oh fucking well if they knew. “You know,” she continued as she stared at him, “throwing up in a hotel bathroom and all.” On instinct, his eyes not-so subtly panned down to her stomach, and a ball of fury must have risen up from the depths of Hell and found itself in her because maybe she was ready to fight. “Do not flatter yourself, Aaron.”

Her eyes were wild, and his paled expression knew he was about to have his ass handed to him. “I have no idea who you think you are. Yes, you are my boss, but you are– or were– my partner. Equals. You're allowed to get pissed with me, you're allowed to reprimand me as your subordinate, but you are not allowed to talk to me as if I foiled your little plan on keeping our relationship a dirty little secret to the team.” Taking a breath, she felt the tears she thought she had left back at the hotel make an appearance. “I understand wanting to keep things professional, but you lost that when you brought up our personal relationship in order to make me feel like shit in the field.

“I was terrified for you. Terrified! I never want to imagine losing you– Jack losing another parent, but that's all that went through my mind, and the fact that you're more worried about my professionalism, and me making the team realize we're together is extremely telling.” Feeling a sob making its way through her body, she spoke her next words with as much grace and dignity as she could muster. “I tormented myself these past few days thinking I was a coward running away from this fight, but I’m not. I’m letting you decide. Go ahead, be the coward, and I’ll find a way to understand. Maybe one day we’ll go back to barely being friends.”

She could barely make it out of his office before she completely broke down, and ran to the bathroom out of sight from everyone. However hard she tried though, the entire bullpen was able to see and hear her, and eyes immediately went to Hotch.

“What the Hell happened?” Morgan looked frazzled. No one has ever seen Y/N like this.

“Hotch, what’s going on?”

“Is Y/N okay?”

“Should one of us go to her?”

“Aaron.”

The last voice he heard was the one to pull him away from staring at where Y/N walked away to. Looking over, Rossi had a solemn expression and gestured to Hotch to follow him in his office.

“What's happening with you two?”

The question was a simple one really. Before the last case, Aaron would say that he and Y/N are happily in love. They found solace in one another, Jack loves her, he wants to marry her. He still does, that hasn't changed, but the moment he saw Y/N rush into the club putting everything at risk for him… it scared him. He knew he would have done the same thing, but seeing the way Y/N could so easily risk her job, her life, just to save him? He never wanted that to have to happen. So maybe the question was simple, but his true answer would be loaded.

“We’re together,” he opted out of explanation. He knew Rossi would understand.

“Yes, and?”

With furrowed eyebrows, Hotch tilted his head. Rossi had this look on his face as if it wasn't a shock that they were together. “and I screwed up.”

“How,” the older man was getting impatient.

Sighing, Aaron closed his eyes. “I said things. I made her feel bad and prioritized keeping us a secret and being professional.”

“You must not think we’re good profilers."

Aaron knew what he meant by that. The smirk on Rossi’s face said that he didn't even believe what he was saying. Deep down, he did entertain the idea that the team already knew about them, and the more he thought about that, the less and less his anger towards Y/N was originally rooted in spilling that secret.

When he hadn't said anything for a few moments, Rossi spoke again. “So what was the real issue?”

Shaking his head, Hotch scoffs. “She is so selfless at times it scares me.” Rossi’s silence prompted him to continue. “She risked so much going in that club and killing that unsub, but all she cared about was me. She told me she couldn't imagine Jack losing another parent and I just– it reminds me of Haley.”

A look of understanding washes over Rossi’s face as Hotch continues.

“This job kills, Dave. The only way I know how to compartmentalize when it comes to it is to stay professional and try not to think about the love of my life also there doing what I do and potentially getting herself killed. I don't think me or Jack could go through losing someone else.”

“Tell her that.” Rossi’s voice is stern. “Don't push away everything you two have built– which I’m assuming took about a year to build?”

“A couple months over.”

“And I’m assuming you love together seeing that none of us are ever invited over to your places,” the smirk on his face caused a light blush to appear on Aaron’s face. They really never were that subtle. “But Aaron, I think you're too old for me to say this but love is a crazy thing. It’s the nicest but also the most confusing thing. She will understand how you're feeling. It seems to me she already knows that feeling.”

Feeling a thousand times better but a million times worse after thinking about Y/N currently breaking down, Aaron makes a move towards the door to go find her, but is stopped when JJ gives both him and Rossi a weak smile.

“We got a case.”

It’s five days later and the case is still ongoing. Y/N’s been distant– rightfully so– and Hotch has been trying to find every moment possible to talk to her, but it’s dejectedly decided that won't be happening until afterwards. A break in the case had finally happened when they had come to the realization that the unsub had to be an officer on the case, and unfortunately that officer happened to be the one Y/N was currently riding with to a crime scene.

The team was at the precinct when Hotch’s phone rang, an incoming call from Y/N, and the dreadful sense of deja vu set in when he heard the voices on the other end.

“Where are you taking me?” Y/N asked. A slight panic could be detected in her voice.

“I told you… the next crime scene.”

“You'll never get away with it.”

The click of a gun could be heard and hot tears began to stream down Aaron’s face. “Try me, Sweetheart.”

“Garcia, we need that location,” Morgan could be heard behind him, but he was hyper focused on his phone. Mumbles and grunts were the only things heard on the speaker of Hotch’s phone followed by the sound of car doors closing. “Highland Bakery! Garcia says it's been abandoned for thirty years.”

Hotch was the first one out the door. It wasn't happening. Y/N would be safe. He refused anything otherwise.

When they reached the building Hotch had to remind himself over and over again to stay rational. He had to stay level headed and keep you safe, which is what he did. The moment the tact team went in there, Y/N was found half asleep, arms chained above her head, duct tape over her mouth, and cut marks along her legs. She was hurt, but she was safe. Hotch didn't even care about the unsub at that point, knowing the rest of the team was more than qualified to apprehend him. His main priority was getting Y/N to the paramedics as soon as possible.

Hours later sitting in a tiny hospital chair, Aaron held onto her hand for dear life. Her hand squeezed his, causing him to become vigilant, and when she opened her eyes, he immediately started to cry and brush her hair back. “Hey.”

“Hi.” Her voice was rough, and she sat up the tiniest bit before slightly moving her hand out of his.

His heart dropped once she did that, and the words began to flow out of his mouth. “I love you so much, please tell me you know that.” He waited a beat as she gently nodded, which he took as permission to continue. “I’m an ass. I said things that make me hate myself because you deserve so much more than that. I was scared. I'm always scared when it comes to you and this job, but something just snapped at that moment and I realized how much we risk for each other. You say you don't want to imagine losing me, well I can't imagine losing you. I am so in love with you and so please, I promise to not be an ass about it but I also need you to promise to be safe.”

They were both crying at that point. “I’m still upset about what you said.”

He nodded his head quickly, “which is expected and valid.”

“And you need to get over the team knowing.”

“Already done.”

She lifted an eyebrow and gave a slow nod. “And I need you to know that I love you too.” He laughed and pressed their lips together, only breaking away to catch their breaths. “Next time you offer yourself up as bait to an unsub,” she began, her voice just barely above a whisper, “please use the code word so that I don't have to hear you getting hurt.”

With their foreheads touching, he brushed their noses against each other. “How about one just for us? So we both know when to walk away.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Any word you want.”

Y/N took a moment before a small smile made its way on her face. “How about… kaleidoscope?”

“Kaleidoscope?”

“Yeah. It reminds me of you. Of love.”

Aaron smiles with her and slightly leans back in to fit their lips together. Love is a beauteous mess with every emotion reflecting off of those you love. Love is a kaleidoscope.

#aaron hotchner #aaron hotch x reader #hotch x reader #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #aaron hotchner fanfiction #aaron hotchner x reader #HOPE YOU ALL ENJOY!!!

235 notes · View notes