#but don’t wanna work fr
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I genuinely love not having a crush like I’m not over here feeling physically sick over some mid guy being dry to me I’m literally chilling
#Spring semester of last year was so bad bc I was unironically into 3 guys at once and they were all#Being dry and cryptic to me#And then before that in 2022 I had my horrid situationship#I had a mini obsession arc in dec 2023 over someone but now there hasn’t been anyone since#And my palette is so cleansed#When a girl is like I miss having a crush I’m like you’re literally a masochist#There was very briefly a girl I thought I had a crush on when I realized I’m bicurious but#I haven’t put effort into talking to her bc the idea of pursuing anyone makes me wanna claw my eyes out#I’m pretty sure I ghosted her by like just not responding to her last messsge actually#Not on purpose but more so bc I realized I was feeling the same anxiety I felt whenever I had a crush so I was like#Yeah I’m dropping this for now#I’m also always the most present for my friends when I don’t have a crush so idk#Like I don’t wanna be consumed by anyone I just wanna chill#The solution to not having normal attraction to people is just to not be attracted to anyone at all#I fr cracked it#I always just crave the butterflies out of it and never an actual relationship anyway#But they’re so not worth it#Which is why I always get bored of guys who’re forthright like oh ok you actually WANT something…. U don’t wanna just have fun#Not for me#I think the guys I’m into and I typically diverge in the sense that neither of us wants a relationship but they just wanna fuck me#And I more so just want the butterflies experience / to playact couple for like a couple months but nothing too serious#Which is why it never works#Like it’s not that it doesn’t work bc either of us wants a relationship it’s more that what we want out of the situationship is different#So lame#Ok this was a lot but I literally came to this epiphany while writing these tags
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Just my drawigs from today cuz I haven’t been finishing anything 😞
#First wesker ive actually finished drawing his face and liked it… idk if the proportions of his face are good I’ll need ti do it again#I mean I THINK lt lookds like him I CANT TELL HE WAS SO HARD TO DRAW 😭 I swear it took longer than the xenomorph o m godd#Speaking of xenomorph I was drawing it for draft in my redident evil au because I have SO MANY IDEAS but I am so slow to execute them X(#I wanted t start wesker‘s au reference cuz I fr am still having issues with Claire and Sherry‘s but i don’t think thatdrawing works for it.#whatever. WHATEVER!#Just thinking aboit alien again the past few days. I seriously could expllode.#I decided am going to get more character references done before I do much else for it cuz I really wanna figure out what I’m doing for thei#Jobs and what their uniforms look like. Then I might do a drawing for birkin‘s g formations but what I am imagining with the pathogen inste#I’m so excited I’m bouncing arounf#Anywasy#resident evil#albert wesker#xenomorph#xenomorph concept#alien franchise#resident evil x alien#resident evil au#my art#my wips
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Mikey and Leo episode centered around Mikey wanting to push Leo and Draxum together since Leo’s the most reluctant to give Draxum any grace (for good reason!) But, thinking on the spot, Leo says he’s gotta go do something for Hueso and “just can’t hang out right now 😔” (yes, he says the emoji out loud.)
Mikey calls his bluff and now the three of them (Mikey having grabbed a weary Draxum along) go to Hueso’s to find that yes, he actually does have a job for him. Said job asks for Leo to go with Hueso to deliver multiple pizzas to this giant yokai quite a distance away, and Hueso figured it would probably go better with Leo’s help (emphasis on probably.)
Well, Mikey decides that this would be a great bonding opportunity for them and basically invites he and Draxum along. Unfortunately for Leo, Hueso doesn’t care enough to wave away more help, though he does side-eye the wanted criminal Baron Draxum coming with them. But who is he to judge? (This choice has consequences.)
The journey goes about as terribly as you’d expect, but at least the pizzas get delivered on time.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt mikey#rottmnt leo#rottmnt draxum#rottmnt hueso#listen you don’t understand#imagine mikey trying to get leo to accept draxum as a father figure only for this to push leo to purposefully turn to Hueso instead#idk I love when this accidental flaw of Mikey’s is explored and I think it meshes well with Leo’s own AND fits nicely with their dynamic#100% this ends with Leo & Hueso bonding and Mikey & Draxum bonding and Mikey & Leo bonding and even Hueso & Mikey a bit#but notably only a little Draxum & Leo - because it’s important that Leo isn’t forced to accept him imo#Leo realizing during all his denials of Draxum that oh you know who he DOES think of as family? Hueso#Draxum is trying mainly for Mikey’s sake#Hueso is too tired to care about all this family drama but is reluctantly worried about Pepino#Mikey just wants one big happy family because - that’s just easier y’know?#he tries so hard to work with everyone’s emotions that he just wants things to be easy for once#he wants love and family to be easier than it is - than has BEEN lately#gimme that heart to heart Mikey & Leo moment in this regard#by the end Leo DOES raise Draxum up a bit from ‘complete distrust’ to ‘mild side-eye’#but it’s a long ways off if he ever gets pushed into the family tier#and also#SO MUCH SLAPSTICK COMEDY and sarcastic comedy in this episode fr#and if you’re wondering-#yes they DO fight the Yokai monster they’re delivering the pizzas to#but they get paid so it’s whatever#kinda wanna attempt to copy the style of the show and make fake screenshots of this ‘episode’ ngl
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bro but like romantically
#this is so them fr#bro: i’m literally in love with you and don’t wanna lose you#i made this while at work real#aew#all elite wrestling#adam cole#mjf#maxwell jacob friedman#better than you bay bay#adamjf
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More silly feedism stuff, it’s nothing special, more domestic in nature. For right now I’m just trying to get how I wanna portray Dabeast right..
Kinda like drawing boobs..
Also if you didn’t follow for any feedism content, or you’re generally uninterested in it, feel free to skip on past this post!!!
SPEAKING OF KNOCKERS!!! MY FAVORITE PART ABOUT DRAWING CHUBBY DABEAST IS HIS CLEAVAGE!!! sorry if the coloring is kinda ass…
#schpeenor#schpeenorart#schpeenor my wife of 35 years..#schpeenor has a massive thing for what’s going on here.#db is one beautiful man..#db has fried tastebuds.. that’s the joke#i’m changing their names in the tags bc lemme be so fr idk how tags work and i don’t wanna flash someone with this!!#belly stuff#chub kink#spinnerdabi#spindabi#dabispinner#chubby dabi#i’m obsessed with chubby dabi saaaave meeeee!!!
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Coworker (scheduler. Not the pharmacist): there’s birthday cake over there for you
Me: ??? What? For me?
C: well, for everyone. It was someone’s kid’s birthday a few days ago and they didn’t eat the cake so he brought it in. If you want a slice
Me: oh…okay
C: oh! By the way..I don’t have have your birthday on the calendar
Me: oh yeah
C: I need to put it on there
Me: okay
C: …so…when’s your birthday?
Me: oh, yeah, uh, November third
C: wow! That’s the same birthday as my friend.
Me: that’s cool. National sandwich day
C: Only one other person has a November birthday
Me: crazy
C: *proceeds to walk through everyone’s birthdays including people who no longer work there and I’ve never met, talking about how she’s still friends with them*
Now all I need is [new pharmacist]’s birthday
Me: uhhhh. August something
C: okay thanks. You can get back to work
#why am I so awkward#but also she was too#if you would read this with my voice intonation you’d probably think I’m weird and standoffih#which I am#in certain cases#it’s just…another day at the office I guess#and I always get interrupted while I’m working#and then when I finally give and talk to them they wanna do work#it’s ok I like to be chatty#people are just weird tho#Fr if you knew me in real like you’d be like my sister saying ‘see essie. this is why people are scared of you’#which i respond ‘hahah good’#not you guys tho#I like you guys#bc you support me#and think I’m smart#and don’t mansplain health insurance like pharmacist coworker does#and you don’t judge me for my interests#I love that for me#I love that for US#Essie’s coworker interactions#you ever feel like people listen but they don’t really LISTEN?#that’s this coworker
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New Lykaia tonight on YouTube but I don’t have any pics for a promo post. Eep. Also! We’re getting close to the end of this arc. Then I go on break and I’ll be back in like October for part 2 on Patreon. Either late October to early November for YouTube. Idk gotta check my calendar. I’m excited to rest. Or attempt to I guess lol.
#text post#lykaia#I’m excited for my break#I never really take time off fr#esp not during a season#last season ran from May to like January though and I don’t wanna work myself like that again
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Crimson Dawn is a punk rock band…but Dial Drunk is such a Crimson Dawn coded song-
#south park#crimson dawn#lawyer au#I’m like wanting to die rn#Not fr I just don’t wanna be there till 11pm#I’m no doubt going to be thinking of South Park the whole time#Save me style save me#Send thoughts and prayers#I also don’t wanna run into anyone I know#I am not in the mood to talk to anymore people today#But I work in town sooo#At least I finally got a fucking hair cut#Now I look like a slightly less rabid sheepdog#Keeping that Stan Marsh vibe#Mmmm depression and punk aesthetics#wip: dear god
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what if i cancel my graduation and add a second major rn and just completely fuck up my plans and decide to suffer through more school but w a different major for like another 3 years
#this would be for a number of reasons. 1 bc the thought of doing psychological work that is not specifically sexology makes me feel sick#and 2 bc i technically get paid to go here every semester and i will not get paid to go to grad school. and 3 i have no idea what i want to#do w my life and i hate school but also i crave learning and what if like for funsies i just went for a second bachelors. prolly in geology#like i mean if i don’t think i can handle another few years of this if i have it set as a double major i can just like. graduate any time#w my psych degree yeah? and give up on the other one? like it might be too late bc i already applied for graduation but im p sure i can#have that cancelled. but also if i go to school for longer i might die forever. but also idk if continuing w psychology is like what i want#but whatever whatever i cannot be making decisions rn but like. it is An Option#idk i am just feeling kinda tortured again as as fun as it would be to actually get to do experiments and stuff i like. idk. i just wanna d#research but i Know i’ll have to get like probably a doctorate and have to work at a school for funding n shit and like idk if i’m ready to#like Commit to sexology. and also i like getting paid by my school and i don’t wanna go into debt fr for a degree i’m not 100% sure of#or my other option is to become a professional clown#but it’s whatever. it’s swagever even. *slinks off into the darkness*
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No guys you don’t get it grrm announcing the dunk n egg show means he’s confident he can write more of those books soon and he’s not going to do that until twow is done wich means he’s close to getting it done and it’s coming out tomorrow. Trust me
#.txt#in my delusion era ❤️#no but fr I am actually kind of hopeful that we will get twow soon#idk maybe it’s just bc I’m still a relatively new fan but#idk he seems optimistic? like he’s actually getting work done#he’s finally solved whatever plot point he was struggling with for so long and now all that’s left is the easy part#I know this for I have seen it in the flames#but seriously what’s the use in being like ‘ohh we’re never getting that book’#you’re just making yourself sad#I don’t think the ‘pretending I don’t care about it so it gets done faster’ strategy is working guys 😭#btw i still haven’t read the sample chapters bc I wanna go in raw. that’s my delusion level#if I do read them you know I’ll have given up hope 😔
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I’ve been having trouble with face shading lately so here’s a realistic study of Jason Tam that I’ve been working on
#My bbg said to not tag this as the squip#That sucks man#He’s the Squip in my heart and that’s what matters#I have a bunch of projects that I wanna work on rn but I don’t have the time 😔#rootin tootin artwork#Jason Tam#let’s be fr only my followers are gonna see this one
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Goddddd adulting is so hard. People keep asking me if I have the [static noise] and I’m just like [windows error sound]
#fr tho I’m like can you do x for me and they’re like actually you have to specify further and I’m like I?? don’t?? know??#there’s so much faff and fuff and fuss and paperwork in order to just get the things you need to get the things to survive#feeding yourself literally requires you to:#write emails like poetry bc ETTIQUETTE#Hunt down everyone who can confirm you’re not crazy (aka people who didn’t know you well)#sell your soul to dinosaurs#try not to be depressed whilst living in this literal hell we call a society#and on top of that in order to make the fucking food you have to be good at FIRE#AUGSJKEKEKEK#Also the sell your soul to dinosaurs tag could be me referencing old ppl but no#i am actually working at dinosaur land lol#AGJSKEKELLSKDKLDLDLSKDKEJJS#I wanna go back to 2011#i just wanna sparkle dog and rawr xD#instead capitalism is bottle flipping my brain rn#HWHWHDJDKKDKDLDL
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hi guys. as you know i love interacting with you guys and making friends but please don’t ask me very personal stuff? i heavily prefer to separate my private and personal life from my online life, so i’m sorry if i can’t answer to certain things, don’t take it personally :< i’m a very private person and i strive to keep it that way.
#i never thought i had to make this clear but here we are#i know i reveal a lot of stuff sometimes but that’s because they’re things i’m comfortable with sharing#But please don’t ask me stuff like#what city/part of town do you live in?#where do you go to school?#where is your work?#what’s your personal insta acc? :/#(yes these questions were asked to me)#I get that certain things are great conversation topics but i like separating my personal life from my online life#and it’s really sweet to wanna get closer with me but there’s a line you know??#i know it’s unintentional but i don’t want to have to explain myself that i don’t want to share these things#i find it so coincidental that chappell roan had posted about her boundaries and i’m here like having to establish mine (she’s me fr)#but yeah ily guys just please don’t be too pokey about my personal life :(#holden speaks
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Getting into the nitty gritty…
I did mention I was gonna post feedism/belly kink content on my little pinned post of my blog, it’s my one true love…
so if you didn’t follow for that, or you’re generally uninterested in it, feel free to skip on past this post!
don’t scorn your eyes!!! i’m just proud of how it turned out.. the colors are cute..
#schpeenorart#schpeenor#schpeenor my wife of 35 years..#dabeast#db’s just there.. just straight guzzling#schpeenor has a MASSIVE thing for what’s going on here.#db is one beautiful man..#i’m changing their names in the tags bc lemme be so fr idk how tags work and i don’t wanna flash someone with this!!#belly stuff#chub kink
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When receiving adopt orders, do people prefer them being posted in the thread with a ping, or getting them in PMs? I’ve been doing the former partly to have ample examples in my shop, partly because it also bumps the thread, and partly because it keeps my PMs slightly more organized. But sometimes I get so many forum pings I start missing stuff, and I wouldn’t be surprised if some of the people getting adopts from me are in a similar boat… in which case PMs would help make sure they actually get the art they paid for even if they miss my ping. I’d prefer to stay more or less consistent since it makes things way easier on my end, at least during the times when the shop gets busier
#flight rising#surge talks#honestly to get the best sense it’d probably be better to ping my shop list#and ask them to fill out a short survey or somethin#but I don’t wanna ping them until I have something for them (open sponsor slots or a new base or whatever)#having that many people on a shop pinglist is slightly intimidating. i don’t wanna bother them unnecessarily#side note do non-dragon usd comms get any traction on fr?#i get an alright number with w101 folks it’s a different crowd#my hours got cut at work (it’s slow this time of year) so i’m a little… hmm#but I am way better at human/humanoid art than dragons
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our landlady sent someone to fix our kitchen floor (good, it was literally caving in and needed to be fixed for almost a year. Was legit afraid I’d fall thru it) but they are taking sooo long and I haven’t been able to cook for a full week bc our kitchen has to stay empty for them to work so the stove and fridge are just in the corner of another room. So. I’ve been eating chip meals for a full week and I am so sick of them. I need to cook I need VEGEBAL SO BAD I am going crazy
#IM GOING TO GET FUCKING SCURVY#there’s no counters to fix food so I can’t even rly prep and I’m ngl I’ve felt like shit so I don’t wanna leave the house to like#buy shitty premade salads or something but I need to ugh#I’m so sick of ppl being in the house working too the noise is driving me up the wall#it needed to be done and I appreciate them but thee autism is activating#I think my mom said the landlady wanted them to refloor other rooms after they finish the kitchen and I’m like…ok it needs it but if they#do my room and it takes as long as the kitchen does and I cannot squirrel myself away in my room#and have to work from the living room? I’m going to die fr#everyone in my family is loud and I need quiet to work#and my dad smokes in there and it gives me a headache#and where da hell am I going to put my cat. AAA#I’m just very stressed . I want to abscond to the woods where it is Quiet#I hate Sounds my anxiety is level 4849393 I’ve been so cranky it’s BAD#then I feel bad abt feeling bad bc it’s not rhe workers faults they’re doing a good job they put cabinets up and are repainting the walls#like when they were just supposed to be doing the floors . very nice#but adding days on TwT;;#not that it didn’t need the Reno like water damage aside the house is old and not cute old.#falling apart old.#sanchoyorambles
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