#but do not pretend to know the gauge of my struggles just because at this particular moment in time i am articulate enough to formulate my

[gay-dorito-dust]

Love and deepspace boy getting you back for touching their butt when theyre angry and turn away from you pls (I hope you know what I mean)

Honestly had no idea what Xavier would do in retaliation, so I kinda just skipped him. Plus I didn’t want any of them sounding repetitive of each other and that I couldn’t think of anything…

Rafayel

‘I’m not just gonna grow a tail, even if you touch it over and over again.’ He muttered after you smacked his ass, pouting as he rubbing his backside as though you bruised him with your playful swat.

You scoffed, he always acted as though that any form of activity would make him bruise like a peach but when in reality he was just being extremely dramatic; so basically being himself.

So when he began to ignore you shortly after the incident, you weren’t at all shocked nor were you worried as in the end Rafayel always tended to be the one to come crawling back for your affection and attention; you often joked that he couldn’t last a day without pestering you with text and voice messages, attempted FaceTime calls and calls in general and needless to say he took that as a personal challenge but failed just under a record breaking five seconds into it.

However this felt a lot different then to the other times he’s ’ignored’ you.

He was scheming and you were rightfully skeptical.

One day, you had grown bored of his recent antics that you started to head towards the front door and were just about to leave when something caught the corner of your eye; a discarded paintbrush. ‘What the-‘ you sighed before marching over to pick it up, less then amused. ‘I swear I’ll have to get on Raf’s ass for leaving his shit lying about sooner or later because one day someone’s going to get hurt-‘

SMACK

You looked over your shoulder to see a smirking Rafayel and everything started to come together for you.

‘You just smacked my ass.’

‘Yep.’ Rafayel replied, almost as if feeling accomplished.

‘But did you have to do it that fucking hard?’ You complained as you were now the one pouting and rubbing your sore backside as though you were an easily bruised peach.

Rafayel shrugged. ‘You did it to me first, so-‘

‘Yeah but I didn’t smack you nearly as hard as you did just now.’ You cut him off before muttering to yourself. ‘That’s gonna bruise and make sitting down a whole lot harder. Thanks for that.’

Rafayel pretended as though he didn’t hear you and moved past you to pick up the paint brush with a look upon his face as though he had been searching all over his impressive studio for awhile, pocketing it not long after. ‘Aww that must really suck, for you that is, hope you’ve got an excuse on hand for the instance that someone takes notice and starts asking questions.’ He then gave you a look of false sympathy, patting you on the shoulder before leaving you to focus on his latest painting.

You fucking hated him sometimes but couldn’t help but love him twice as hard for his stupid antics that you secretly adore.

Zayne aka ‘mr surgical knots.’

‘Is this really necessary?’ You grunt as you tried to break your hands free from the knot that was currently keeping your hands bound together.

‘Consider it a precaution for your,’ Zayne pauses to watch you struggle before continuing, ‘wandering hands.’

You chuckled humourlessly as you decided that it was hopeless in trying to get your hands untied, Zayne had done an excellent job in making sure that the knot was strong enough to keep your hands restrained but yet not tight enough to cause discomfort to your skin. ‘all this just because I might’ve touched your ass?’ You asked rhetorically, gauging at how his ears became red at the memory, before his evol kicked in and cooled his temperature significantly. ‘Seems a little excessive if you ask me but then again…it’s not exactly the worst punishment you could’ve come up with.’ You drawled, causing one of Zayne’s brows to raise in question.

‘So you find your current predicament to be…pleasurable?’ He inquires as he steps closer to you, making sure that he took his sweet time to admire his work and make internal pointers on how he could improve for instances where he maybe in need to use this certain knot again.

‘I mean you’re the one that’s putting words in my mouth.’ You replied, shrugging your shoulders,fully aware what this attitude of yours would bring should you keep it up.

Zayne’s jaw twitched unseeingly, he knew what you were doing and also knew that you were blatantly aware of what you were doing and so he tears this theory out by reaching a hand out, grabbing you by the restraint and swiftly pulled you closer to him until your chests were practically touching. Your eyes flickered to every inch of his face to see any signs but nothing; His face was still perfectly set in stone as it usually aside from his eyes, his eyes were glittering with an unusual look to them as they peered at you, that you couldn’t help but feel a little hot and flustered under such a unique gaze.

He then leans his head towards your ear and whispers in a low falsetto, ‘Would you like to find out just how pleasurable being tied can be?’ He drawls softly. ‘I can happily show you and help you get closely acquainted with human anatomy.’

[invisible-lint]

Everything Could Be Okay: Chapter 2

Rhys x Tamlin's sister!reader

Summary: Time for a wedding... Or is it?

Warnings: nothing I can think of!

Word Count: 1.4k

Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 3

You had never been a fan of parties. They were too loud, the air too stuffy, and the gossiping of the Spring Ladies you were forced to be with was obnoxious. But you had endured, not wanting to leave Feyre to fend for herself. Or worse, alone with Ianthe who had gotten on your nerves with how pushy she had been while planning what was supposed to be Feyre’s wedding.

Feyre had made her escape nearly an hour ago, heading up to bed, and here you were, stuck, nodding along as you pretended to listen to the gossiping females surrounding you.

"From what I hear, Tamlin is looking to find a husband for you." That got your attention. The room is suddenly suffocating, air struggling to find its way to your lungs. Your hand reaches to your necklace, finding the ring on it. The group of females look worried as you back away, feeling as if the room is closing in on you.

"Excuse me," you manage to mumble, fleeing the room.

You run out to the gardens, not noticing Tamlin following you. You stop, sinking into a bench, trying not to hyperventilate. How could he do this? Just because he wanted to pretend nothing had happened doesn't mean that you would. He sits next to you and you stand, anger flooding your body when you see him, pushing out the panic.

"How dare you?" You hiss, blinking back the angry tears stinging your eyes.

He sighs. "What is it I've supposedly done now?"

"When were you going to tell me you were looking for a husband for me?"

"You're overreacting. Someone asked about marrying you, and I simply said I would think about it."

"No. You don't get to make that choice for me. I am not ready for that. I am not ready to replace him!" You start to pace, trying to keep your temper in check. 

"It would be good for you to move on. You can't be unhappy forever." 

You lose your temper then, whirling to face him, pointing a finger at his chest. "You don't understand! I felt it when he died! It was like my soul was cleaved in two! That is not something I can just move on from! Had Feyre's death been permanent you would not have moved on as quickly as you're asking me to!" He growls at you, claws sliding out. You flinch, knowing you said too much and turn to run further into the garden. This time, Tamlin doesn’t follow.

The next day is the wedding, and you sit with Feyre as several females prepare her. You watch silently, trying to gauge how she is feeling. You know about the nightmares, and have noticed the weight loss, but you don’t know what to do. What can you do? You’ve offered companionship, tried getting her to eat more of the foods you know she likes, but still, she is wasting away before your eyes. You can’t talk about Under the Mountain, no one talks about it. No one can. 

You notice Feyre is looking more and more nervous, and you ask for the room to be cleared. Once it’s just the two of you in the room, you pull a chair over so you’re right next to her, taking her hands in yours.

“I was nervous before my wedding too. I couldn’t eat anything and then I almost fainted right before the ceremony.” You squeeze her hands gently. “But I knew it was what I wanted. Andras and I had courted for nearly 20 years before I agreed to marry him. I suppose what I’m trying to say is if you’ve changed your mind, if you need more time, I will come up with some sort of reason to postpone the wedding. Tamlin doesn’t need to know about any of it.” 

Feyre sits for a moment, thinking before shaking her head. “I’m ready. I want this.”

You nod, squeezing her hands again. “Then I’ll be right there with you.”

You suppose you shouldn’t be surprised, Rhysand was prone to making dramatic entrances after all. Showing up right as Feyre was walking down the aisle seemed just like the kind of thing he would do.The part of you screaming its relief is hard to ignore, but you manage to shove it down.

You stride across the lawn, chin held high, interrupting the argument. "I will be joining Feyre as a chaperone." The violet eyed male quirks an eyebrow, the corner of his mouth twitching up into a smile. “Oh?”

"Yes. No part of your agreement said she had to spend her time in your court alone." 

"I suppose not."

"So I'm joining her." 

At that moment Tamlin finally finds his voice. "Absolutely not."

"You'd have her go alone?" You ask, raising an eyebrow at your brother. 

He sputters, before making an exasperated noise, knowing you're right. 

"Don't worry Tamlin, I'll treat her better than you treated my sister," Rhysand taunts. You shoot him an exasperated look, ignoring your brother's snarl. He crosses over to you and Feyre, wrapping an arm around each of you and winnowing away, whisking both of you off to the night court.

You wander the halls of the mountain palace, thinking back on the past few hours. It’d been hard not to laugh when Feyre had thrown her shoes at Rhysand, the look on his face had made it even harder. But more than anything, the interaction made you feel relieved. Somewhere in there, who Feyre truly was still resided. And he had managed to draw her out. 

You walk out onto a balcony, glad that whatever magic seems to be heating the interior of the palace extends to out here. You gaze up at the stars, lost in thoughts about how you might help Feyre. When you eventually turn to go back inside, Rhysand is standing in the doorway, staring at you, the expression on his face unreadable. He walks over, leaning against the railing of the balcony next to you. 

“This is the second time now I’ve found you roaming in the middle of the night. I’m starting to think you don’t sleep.”

“I don’t.” He raises an eyebrow in response.

“Not well at least. It’s… a long story.”

“One you won’t share with me?”

You cross your arms, shooting him a hard look. “I don’t know you.”

“Ah, yes. But I assume you intend to accompany Feyre everytime. One week a month for the rest of your life gives you plenty of time to know me.”

“I think I know enough.” You squeeze your arms, trying to ignore the way your heartbeat races at the idea of getting to know him.

“Do you make it a habit of assuming you know people based on what you’ve heard?”

“Do you make it a habit of being so obnoxious?” You huff, flinging your arms down to your side, temper stirring. The corner of his mouth quirks up into a smile as he tries not to laugh.

“Are you always so easily irritated?”

You snap, letting everything you’ve been holding in flood out. “You would be too if you were me! I have lost so much and I’m supposed to just smile and pretend I’m okay. That I don’t dream about my dead husband every night. It has barely been a year since he died and someone asked Tamlin if they could marry me. A year! I was with him for almost 100 years and people have the audacity to think I should move on because I can’t be miserable forever! Not to mention that without him, without his sacrifice, Feyre wouldn’t have been able to save anyone! Oh, and speaking of Feyre, I don’t think she wants to marry my brother. But she refuses to admit it and there's nothing I can do and she’s going to end up as trapped and miserable in Spring as I am! And I have nobody to tell this to because the only person who I could ever truly share my feelings with is dead! So I’m so sorry if I’m a little bit irritable.” You finish your rant, chest heaving. Rhysand just stares at you, a little wide eyed, at a loss for words. Suddenly realizing how much you had shared, you turn and run, heading anywhere but there, but he remains rooted to the spot.

He had felt it. Felt all your anger, frustration and anguish down the blossoming bond. Mate. You’re his mate. He lets out a shaky breath, turning to grip the railing, his heart dropping to the pit of his stomach. He couldn’t tell you. How could he when you had just shouted at him about how you're still grieving your husband? So this, like so many he already carried, would be his sole burden to bear.

A/N: And there it is! I'm already working on chapter 3 and hope to have it posted sometime either this week or early next week. it's already a LONG one! As always, requests are open and feel free to send them on in!

Divider by @tsunami-of-tears

Taglist: @lilah-asteria @readingislife2006 @acourtofimagines @mistymoocow @irelanrose @darker-december @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @loving-and-dreaming

[nottsbitch]

Now that we don't talk- Matteo Riddle

Based on the Taylor Swift Song

✩✩✩✩

You and Matteo had been broken up for a few weeks now, though those weeks felt more like months. At first, everyone walked on eggshells around you, trying to spare your feelings. But now, your friends seemed to have moved on, which brought you to this moment, sitting in the Great Hall with them.

"Did you hear Matteo went to the Hufflepuff party this weekend?" Pansy had said to you this morning.

Even though it was only 9 a.m., you’d heard the same tidbit from what felt like everyone. Matteo had a knack for drawing attention, so his first outing since the breakup was bound to turn heads.

"I did hear that, actually… multiple times." Your sarcasm was evident.

You tried not to let it affect you, but it was hard not to be upset that Matteo was slipping back into his old ways so soon.

"He's just jumping back out there way too quickly. Did he even take time to recover from the breakup?" Daphne, sitting across from you, echoed your thoughts.

"Guys, I really don’t want to talk about this right now." Their eyes turned to gauge your reaction, and the conversation dwindled into an uncomfortable silence.

In that silence, you let yourself dwell on whether Matteo regretted going to the party as he usually did on his way home. But with you two no longer talking, you’d never know.

✩✩✩✩

As you sat in your Potions seat, waiting for class to start, you replayed the girls' comments in your mind. You weren’t sure if they were genuinely concerned or just trying to make you feel better, but it wasn’t working. The more you thought about it, the more you felt the sting of Matteo’s apparent indifference to the breakup, deepening your frustration.

Suddenly, Matteo walked into the classroom. His hair was longer—a detail that struck you immediately, considering he usually hated his hair growing too long.

Before long, you realized you were staring and quickly looked away, missing the brief moment when his eyes met yours.

You wished things hadn’t changed, but you had no say in the matter.

✩✩✩✩

"It's just so much harder than I thought. Seeing him everywhere, hearing about all the girls trying to talk to him—it makes me sick," you told your mother over the phone.

"Honey, you know breaking up with him was the right choice. You can’t let these things affect you so much," she said soothingly.

"I know, and I’m trying, but I just miss him," you admitted, struggling to hold back tears.

"He had his moments, but the more you gave, the less he seemed to want. It shouldn't be like that, and you know it."

"I don’t know what to do," you said, tears now flowing freely.

"Maybe try being friends first. If he can change and treat you the way you deserve, you can consider a relationship again."

"I don’t think I can be his friend..."

And with that, you knew exactly how you felt.

✩✩✩✩

When you stormed into the Slytherin common room, the room fell silent. You scanned the space: Pansy and Daphne, a group of first and second-years studying, and on the couches, Matteo, Theo, Draco, Tom, Enzo, and Blaise. Perfect.

You climbed onto a table in the middle of the room. "Excuse me, can I have everyone’s attention?" All eyes snapped to you.

"I just want to say for everyone so worried about me—I’m over my ex." Jaws dropped. "And I want to make it clear that this breakup was a blessing because now I don’t have to pretend I enjoy sitting on the cold bleachers for hours watching Quidditch. Or that I like kissing someone who constantly tastes like he just smoked a pack of cigarettes."

"Are you drunk?" a random fourth-year asked, staring at you with wide eyes.

"Yes, I am. Anymore questions?"

Hands flew up from everywhere. You were too focused on the people around you to notice Matteo coming up behind you and pulling you off the table.

"Let’s get you to bed," he whispered, ignoring the crowd as he carried you to your room.

Once you were tucked in bed, he looked at you with a sigh. "I didn’t know you felt this way."

"Me neither… until I realized this is how it has to be now that we don’t talk."

✩✩✩✩

[cannibal-nightmares]

did you know may is mental health awareness month?

text under the read more: an unreality ramble about my dog. he is a good boy.

have a peaceful song -

where do I even begin

I guess I'll start with that I don't like talking about my delusions. there's some I want to talk about but can't because they're either scary and/or too confusing in that theyre too real. or im "not allowed" to. but this one exists in a neutral space, so a neutral story this will be

I only got him when he was 1½ years old and he was kenneled at the shelter w another dog identical to him, but if he wasn't someone's service/emotional support animal, then he must have been in a past life. or he has a human consciousness. or something. my friends joke about the latter often but I'll get there in a second. the way he responds to my emotions and actions is uncanny. he is a rather quiet dog, but if he notices me freeze up and go quiet to an uncharacteristic degree, he will very blatantly try to get my attention. if I lie on the floor from anxiety, he will lie on my legs; if I lie on the floor in being depressed, he will get in my face. he's intervened self harm (namely hitting, but, if he's alert, he's interrupted trichotillomania episodes). The thing is, idk where he gets it from. I didn't train him to do any of these things

my friends joke that's he's "just a dude." "a man in a dog's body" etc. it *is* a funny joke. he likes people more than other dogs; his eye contact is oddly human-like (ask my friends). it *is* a funny joke, and the following isn't directly related, but I do have great fears about him. some of which the noise isn't going to let me say outloud here but. what I can: sometimes I fear it's true--an organic thought outside of what my friends have said, the two ideas don't feel the same--or perhaps that he was someone in a past life. or is a positive-neutral force sent to look after me. idk. it's hard to explain why while it would be/is theoretically positive, how it is still unnerving. and how it feels like something will change in one direction or another when I post this. I digress. He's just a guy. I have bigger fears on it, but that's the simple of it.

A coworker asked and suggested why I don't get a service dog. at first, I considered the question as courteous, but then realized... I struggle to walk my current dog, if I am honest. I do it, I take him out every day, etc, but as much as I got a dog to help me w paranoia, it has not curbed it. in ways, in ways, it has made it worse. countless of times I have tried to walk him around the block, made it halfway, and turned around due to feeling like a force was watching me, like something was waiting around the corner, like there were traps ahead, and many other more specific and pertinent things I am not allowed to say here (plus it'd be safer if I didnt). taking him outside is like flipping on a geiger counter to gauge the state of the day. I feel really bad for him in this. I can't imagine trying to get a proper service animal in these regards.

My friends like to joke that he's some sort of bending entity in that he's just shaped funny. I mean, he is. His legs are goofy-long, his nose is angled funny off of his snout, his ears are huge. Etc. But--again, separate from what they've said--sometimes I look at him and he doesn't feel real. It's difficult to explain. I look at him and it's like I'm missing something. Like how you can't reach into a tv and grab what's on the screen. idk.

The reason I'm saying all of this is because... As much as I am sometimes scared he isn't real to some degree, I consider that, even if he isn't, I think he's worth "wasting time" on. I love him, he's a good little guy, and so far, at least, everyone is pretending along. Sometimes I pick him up and feel like a question mark is above my head hahaha. Like I'm missing something. But he's worth my time. He's worth my time in the same way daydreaming can be fun. I don't know how to fckng word this. He is good. Real or not, he is good. I can't imagine trying to "prove" his "realness," and I also don't know how. I don't mind devoting time to him, real or not, because he is good. agh. I hope this makes sense. I've been sitting on these thoughts for at least three years now.

[loveandthings11]

How Deep My Love Goes, Chapter 14

Read on AO3 Ch 1 Ch 2 Ch 3 Ch 4 Ch 5 Ch 6 Ch 7 Ch 8 Ch 9 Ch 10 Ch 11 Ch 12 Ch 13

Fic Summary: A fix-it alongside canon that answers the question "how would things change if Rava said yes?" 💗 Chapter Summary: At Argestes, Kendall gathers support for the takeover from Waystar's inner circle even as tension builds and trust splinters within his team. Everyone scrambles to gauge each other's reactions to Logan's out-of-control anger.

Breaking News

Shanghai, 2003

“I can’t deal with this,” Kendall says into his office phone. She can hear that he’s suffering as she struggles to stay awake in New York.

“I’m sorry I’m so tired,” she says sleepily.

“No, I should have called you earlier. You- you should be falling asleep with me,” he says. He sounds almost desperate. “You have to come out here. I can’t stand it without you. I seriously, like- I’m not- I need you. Fuck. I miss you. No one understands how hard this is.”

She takes in a breath.

“I might be the only one who does,” she says more clearly. “I miss you so much it hurts.” She hugs her pillow. “I wish I could hug you right now. Make you feel better.”

“Oh my god, I’m dying for it,” he says. His voice sounds so stressed and it hurts that she can’t be there to comfort him.

“I want to hold you and cover us up in this comforter,” she says. “Keep you warm, kiss your face.” Sometimes she stays away from it, but tonight she’s just allowing the torture.

He drops his head into his hands. “I fucking- I need that so badly. I need you. I’m-“ he shakes his head “-yeah, you know what? I’m sending a plane for you. Come stay with me. Please.”

“What about-“ she starts.

“I’ll call Yale. It doesn’t matter. You can finish the semester from here. We’ll figure it out.”

“Oh? And how is that going to work?” she laughs.

“Because I’ll make it work. I’m calling them tomorrow.” He sounds serious.

“And- they’ll just say yes?” she asks, trying not to let herself believe it yet.

“One of the few advantages my father offers,” he grumbles. “Their endowment can increase significantly.” He and his dad have been fighting for months over Logan’s decision to send him across the world for a year.

“Oh, one of the few,” Rava smiles.

“I’ll pay your law professors personally. They’ll do individual sessions, whatever it takes. It’s your last year. You’ll have bar exam tutors, whatever, I’ll fly them out.”

“Okay! Well, you’ve convinced me,” she says. She feels a smile spreading across her face. “Ken, can you actually do this? Because if I think I’m going to be wrapping my entire body around you this week and then it doesn’t happen-“

“Well, now that you’ve put it like that, my entire body is very ready for that scenario,” he says. He drags a hand over his face. “Jesus. Two months since your last visit is like a fucking year, I’m fixing this right now. I’m gonna let you go to sleep before I lose my mind in this office.”

“Okay,” she agrees reluctantly. “I really wish you were here.”

He sighs.

“I can’t even think about you in bed right now.” He pauses. “Except that now I will think about you in bed, and nothing else, for the rest of the day.” He pictures their fluffy comforter, soft-as-air sheets wrapped around her perfect body, arms reaching toward him with sparkles in her eyes. “What are you wearing?” he asks to complete the fantasy.

“I thought I wasn’t supposed to talk about that while you’re at work,” Rava teases. He chuckles.

“You’re not. But now I fucking have to know. Break my rule. Get your camera and email me a picture.”

“Kendall Roy, what kind of a girl do you think I am?” she asks with pretend shock. He smiles.

“Does that mean you’re not wearing anyth… no. Don’t answer that. You’re getting on a plane this week.”

“Whatever you say,” she says nonchalantly. He raises his eyebrows.

“Whatever I say? Are we keeping that rule when you get here?” he asks.

“Maybe,” Rava answers sweetly. “What are you wearing?”

He grins a little but refuses to give in.

“A suit.”

“That’s not very descriptive. That’s like me just saying ‘lingerie,’” she says. He wonders if anyone can see his smile through the glass of the office. Anyone could tell this is not a business call but he can’t stop.

“I’m not describing my suit.”

“Oh, you’re soooo serious and business-like,” she says mockingly. He tries unsuccessfully to keep his expression neutral.

“Okay. Well, this is a serious day-“ he attempts.

“What color is it?” she interrupts.

He gives it up, shaking his head and laughing.

“Navy blue. Are you happy?” She loves the sound of his laughter. It takes a lot of work and it’s always worth it.

“I will be if I see you this week,” she answers honestly. “You’re really going to call them tomorrow?” she asks hopefully. The possibility makes her heart race and she yearns for definite confirmation that she’ll have him back in her arms soon.

“Absolutely.” He looks at his watch and sighs. “Okay, well-“

“Nooo, don’t go,” she coos. But she knows she has to sleep and he has to work.

“Believe me, I don’t want to,” he says. She makes him feel more wanted than he’s ever felt.

“Okay. Thank you for taking care of this. I love you so, so much. I hope I get to see you this week.” She buries her face in the pillow and wills herself to stop being so excited before she knows if it’s really going to happen.

“You will. I love you too,” he says. He remembers the awful feeling of practically being pulled away from her at the hangar when he left and seeing her crying through the jet window. He can’t do that again. “You’ll stay? When you come?” he asks.

“For as long as you want,” she smiles.

“Forever,” he says. “Just so we’re clear.”

She blushes into speechlessness. She can’t believe how lucky she is.

“Forever. But we’re not staying there forever,” she half-asks.

“Don’t even worry. The day we get back to New York, that townhouse is gonna be home for real.” He’d bought them their dream place on the Upper East Side right before Logan had casually announced that Kendall would be in Shanghai for a year. He can’t wait to propose this coming year and make it all official.

“I love that,” she says dreamily.

“The place is good so far?” he asks. He’s jealous he’s not getting to experience it with her. His long-term hotel penthouse feels cold and impersonal and he misses Rava’s ability to make every room she walks into feel like home to him. He feels warmer at the idea of her in the suite. He likes it better already.

“It’s perfect,” she replies truthfully. “It’s missing you, though. It’s a good thing I have your sweatshirt.” She pauses. “Actually, can I break your rule?”

He smiles.

“Sure,” he agrees.

“Your sweatshirt. That’s what I’m wearing,” she says.

He wonders how she’s real.

“That’s even better than what I was thinking. Well, sort of.” She giggles. She’s warm in their bed inside his sweatshirt. He can’t do this anymore without going insane. “So… you go to sleep. I’ll take care of everything. You’ll be here within the week.”

“You’ll tell me exactly when tomorrow?” she asks. They had stopped doing their hourly count when she’d emailed him to ask how many hours til she saw him and he’d replied “a million :(“

“Yes. And it’s going to be less than a hundred hours. I can make it,” he says. “I think.”

“I’m so ready to see you. Less than a hundred hours.” She’s suddenly filled with relief. It hits her and she squeals. He smiles at the sound. She’s that excited to see him. “You have to cancel everything on your schedule because when I get there I am not letting go of you for two entire days!”

“That sounds so good,” he says. He glances out his glass office door at Nate and three of his coworkers heading his way. “Okay, I’m really sorry, but the guys are coming in here for the meeting. I love you. I can’t wait to see you. You have no idea.”

“I’m so excited! I love you!” she exclaims. Have a good meeting. I love you, I love you, I love you!”

……

Kendall’s leaning against the upholstered headboard smiling as he reads Rava’s gifted diary. He’d planned to read it all in one day but decided that reading one entry at a time was better.

She drapes her arm over his stomach from the pillow.

“What are you reading about?” she whispers.

“The week you came out to Shanghai.” He looks down at her. “You’re so fucking cute.”

“Mm I remember that. Just couldn’t take it anymore!” she smiles and nudges him to come closer. He slides down back under the comforter next to her and she puts the journal in the nightstand drawer.

“Yeah, that was physically painful.” He rolls onto his side and pulls her into his arms, exhaling fully. “This,” he says. “This is what I needed.”

She kisses him slowly and remembers the absolute euphoria of running into his arms as soon as she’d touched down.

He’d picked her up at the bottom of the plane staircase and she’d finally felt like she was flying even though she’d been in the air for hours. His driver and the flight attendants had stared at them kissing on the tarmac and fumbling and tripping backwards through laughs into the waiting limo.

“You brought literal sunshine with you,” he’d smiled as she shamelessly laid on top of him on the long seat and they saw the rays shining through the window. She had beamed at him and kissed him again and again.

“Where are we going?” she’d asked as the car started moving.

“Bed. Immediately.” He’d flashed her a devilish smile and she’d returned it as he started slipping his fingertips under her shirt.

She’d been terrified for months that she was going to lose him to someone else or that he would get stuck working in Shanghai permanently and wouldn’t be allowed to come home.

The relief of knowing she doesn’t ever have to be without him again floods her like it had in that moment and she rubs his shoulders.

“Hey,” she murmurs. “I love you.”

“I love you,” he mumbles into her hair.

“I’m going to go to Argestes with you,” she tells him.

He’s glad to hear the confirmation. He wants to look at her but he wants to stay where he is more.

“Yeah? Even with the kids and the plane and everything?”

“Yeah.”

He nods contentedly.

“Good.”

……

After dinner that night, Rava scrolls through The New York Times headlines while the staff cleans up. Kendall is reading through his hundreds of subject lines looking for anything that actually needs his attention when Connor calls him. He’s surprised for a moment but picks up right away once he remembers what the rest of the family is doing.

“Miss you, Kenny,” Connor slurs a little as soon as Kendall answers the phone. “Miss. You.”

Kendall is touched. And touched by guilt. He’d told himself he was going to make more of an effort with his big brother and they’ve barely spoken since RECNY.

“Hey, I miss you, too. How’s, uh… where are you all again?” He feels a pang of being left out. It’s been wearing on him lately.

“Tern Haven. What the Pierces call their compound.” Connor rolls his eyes. “They won’t take me seriously as a candidate, you know? They’re so into their elite establishments-“

“Dude. Criticism of the elite? Like- seriously?”

“Ha! You fit with everyone so well. Fuck,” Connor shakes his head. “Even when you’re out, you’re in,” he says. Kendall can hear the resentment and envy.

“Uh. Well, I don’t know that Dad would say that,” he responds. “So- so, what’s been happening? Is Nan Pierce-“

“Kenny, I love you. But I’m not calling to talk about company bullshit.”

“Oh- uh, right. Okay. Well…” Kendall doesn’t know quite what to say for a moment. “So- how are you?” he asks.

“Well, thank you for asking. I’m tired of not being taken seriously.”

“Well- Con, I get it, but you have to prove you deserve it to Dad if you want his-“

“-love?”

“-I was going to say respect. Although….” Kendall rubs his face. “He- I mean, not that I necessarily know everything- but- I think I’ve spent a lot of time close to him, so…”

“That you have,” Connor says plainly. Kendall’s a little thrown off by the attitude.

“Uh, are you guys drinking a lot?”

Rava glances up at him.

“You’re going to ask me if I’m drinking?” Connor asks with an edge.

Kendall sighs and looks at Rava with an expression that conveys how aggressive his brother sounds.

“I just- you seem…” he searches for the right words.

“Upset? Taken advantage of? You’re god damned right. And you’re off with your other family just laughing it up and taking away the company that makes any of us somebodies.”

“My other family?” Kendall is a little aghast at that and Rava looks taken aback. “You’re the one who- who always said I’d get them back? What the fuck? You know what happened with Dad. I had to do something.”

“Not this!” Connor exclaims. Kendall can hear the booze in his voice. “Splitting us up. We could have all been here together, you know? For once.”

“Okay, I’m not doing this. It is not my fault that we’re- you know, split like this. Blame Dad. I’m sure he’s pinning this all on me, but, it’s not just me. What was I supposed to do?” Rava is increasingly annoyed at the disruption in their peaceful day.

“Not take everything for yourself,” Connor grumbles.

“What? It was all taken from me. I- I can’t talk to you when you’re like this.” Kendall has a bit of an out-of-body experience saying the things that were once said to him in similar situations. “I’m just going to hang up- and- and we can talk later.” He thinks he sounds like Rava four years ago and wonders if she thinks the same thing.

“No,” Connor says. “I’m sorry. I’m- drunk. I don’t want to- just, you’re the favorite and you don’t appreciate it. You’re not even here. The one time I’m actually invited.”

“Con, Dad tried to destroy my life multiple times in the last four- five months. I don’t think I’m his favorite. Or- not anymore, I dunno.” Hearing himself say it makes him sad. “As for me being there, that just doesn’t- it doesn’t make any sense. When you’re back in the city we can get together. If you want.”

“Sure,” Connor says dully. “But we won’t.”

“Yeah, yes we will,” Kendall replies. “You know, if it made any sense for me to be there, I would be. I actually- it’s hard not to see anyone. Are you going to be at Argestes?”

“No,” Connor answers flatly. “Not invited to things like that. You know, the way the little ones talk to me is unacceptable. Roman thinks I’m a joke and Shiv couldn’t care less.”

“I mean- that’s the way they are,” Kendall says as sympathetically as he can. “They talk to me like that, too. Sometimes it’s good with them, but then- well, they have their own thing.”

“You three have your own thing.”

“Uh, less now. I mean, if it makes you feel better that we’re apart,” Kendall says with some bitterness. He doesn’t like it himself.

“Great, now I’m bad for wanting to separate you,” Connor replies. Kendall rolls his eyes. This conversation is impossible. Connor continues, “But you know, I would know, it sucks that you aren’t talking to them.”

Kendall feels more guilt seep in. His frequent talks with Roman and his last one with Shiv are too secret to mention. He hates to lie when Connor feels like this.

“I mean, yeah, it’s hard not to see them much, but- but all of this is necessary. And it’s temporary.” His carefully chosen words make him feel slimy.

“Right.” Connor scoffs lightly. “Necessary. Because you can’t live without Waystar, right?”

Kendall looks down. He’s sorry to say it, but at least he can tell the truth here.

“Not- not really.”

Connor nods sadly.

“Yeah.” He pauses. “I fucking love you, Kenny. I really do. I’m happy you’re happy.”

“Well- I don’t want you to- I- I mean, I love you, too. I don’t know if I’d say I’m just happy. Everything you said? Roman and Shiv? I don’t like this either.” Rava shifts in her chair and looks sad for a moment. He catches her eye and points to the phone like he had to say it, but she can tell it’s not all made up. He pauses for a moment and gets up to walk out of the room. “Look- you- you helped me when things were bad,” he says quietly. “So, if you want to talk about anything-“ he sees an opportunity. “-the President thing maybe?” he approaches cautiously. “Like, are you just doing this for-“

“Attention?” Connor finishes. “In fact, I am doing this because my principles are the ones America needs to adopt in order to save herself.”

Jesus, Kendall thinks.

“Okay, well. If you want to talk. You know.”

He feels bad but he can’t stop wondering about what happened at dinner. He thinks he’d better not ask Connor.

“Yeah. Okay. Well, I made a friend here. Maxim Pierce. I kinda hate him, but he kinda hates me too, so it’s fun. He’s got some port that’s life-changing. I guess I better get back out there. So…”

“I’ll see you in New York,” Kendall offers.

“Uh-huh. That’ll be good,” Connor says. Kendall hears the doubt in his voice and promises himself he’ll do better with reaching out.

……

Tanya the travel nanny sits reading to the kids in their seat cluster on the jet as Rava pores over the latest documents the firm sent her. Kendall looks out the window and plays music to hype himself up for the upcoming run-in with his dad and siblings at Argestes. He looks at the text he’d received from Roman the morning before and lets it fill him with energy.

Naomi Pierce swung the vote against Waystar. An absolute no. But Dad will get them at Argestes anyway.

Stewy laughs at his phone and calls over to Kendall’s side of the plane.

“Take off your headphones and come look at this shit,” he says. This girl just sent me an article from some site called Fuckable in Finance. It’s a countdown. Top ten.”

Rava looks at Stewy disapprovingly for his language and its content near the kids, but Kendall’s obvious intrigue dances on his face. Stewy gives her an unconvincing apologetic look. Kendall pulls the headphones down around the back of his neck.

“So-?”

“Guess who number one is?” Stewy asks smugly.

“Do we have to?” Rava says drily.

“I guess no one really does now,” Stewy answers mock-thoughtfully.

Kendall stands up and strides over to Stewy, picking up his iPad and scrolling. He wrinkles his nose.

“Four?”

“You’re very hard on yourself, Ken,” Rava says as she pretends to focus on her paperwork.

“I know, seemed a little high for you,” Stewy says. “Recent media appearances probably skewed it in your favor, though. People love it when a thirty-nine-year-old goes through a rebellious phase.”

“Okay. Ha ha.” Kendall wishes Roman were here to do something annoying like put a blanket over Stewy’s head, or at least mess his hair up. “Are there a lot of these countdowns?” he asks.

“Oh god, take the iPad from him now,” Rava says to Stewy as she gives him a rare rye smile. Stewy looks triumphant as Kendall furrows his brow and does a Google search.

“Kendall, do you want to read the next chapter to the kids?” Tanya calls over. “They’re asking for you to do it.”

“With the voices!” Sophie exclaims.

Rava looks at Kendall lovingly and he looks up from Stewy’s iPad.

“Uh, yeah. Okay. I’ll be right there.”

“iPad, please,” Stewy says in a self-satisfied way. Kendall drops it onto Stewy’s armrest without looking at him as Rava stifles a laugh at their adolescent behavior. Kendall walks over to the kids and glances over self-consciously at Rava and Stewy watching him expectantly as he picks up the book.

“In here,” Kendall says to the kids, and ushers them behind a curtain to the other room.

……

Rava glances over at Roman and Kendall poking each other as soon as they’ve walked into the building for Argestes day one.

“Rockin’ some horny ankle cleavage,” Roman’s saying quietly to Kendall. Kendall looks at him with a smirk.

“Oooh, that’s scary. I’m scared.”

Rava chuckles and looks around to see who she might chat with. They’ve been spending so much time alone together lately that she hasn’t seen Bro Kendall in a while. She forgot how funny the inflated ego makes him.

“Maybe you should be scared,” Roman smirks. “We have this deal on lock.”

“I don’t think you do,” Kendall says, trying to sound sure of himself. “I think Nan wants nothing to do with Dad, Waystar, and especially ATN.”

“Well, unless you’ve got something huge to stand in Waystar’s way, you and Stewy and Sandy are dead in the water.”

Kendall works hard to maintain a neutral face until an hour later, when he and Stewy are sitting in armchairs in a breakout room, laptops out and coffees on tables.

“Are you seeing this email from Sandy?” Stewy raises his eyebrows as he scrolls on his phone. Kendall stares at his computer screen.

“Yeah. Fuck. This is a shitstorm. The wolf pack, the whole fucking- I think Greg knows all about this cruises shit… we should have stopped this, done something-“ Kendall starts.

“Dude. What are you talking about, Sandy’s thrilled! No chance Pierce sells to your dad once this story is released,” Stewy almost laughs. “It was supposed to be a while til they published this, but you know Logan’s going to make another attempt to buy while Nan is here. We’ve got to stop that. Waystar tanks, it’ll be nice and easy for us to buy it up.”

Kendall looks at him.

“I- I mean, yeah, but this can’t be the reason Pierce doesn’t sell. What are we doing to stop this article?”

“Stop it?” Stewy drops his head back. “Ken. Don’t be sentimental here. You want Waystar? This is how we get it.”

“How we get it?” Kendall’s wheels turn. “Did Sandy have something to do with this? Did- did he move up the publishing date?”

“Don’t get crazy,” Stewy warns.

“He fucking called New York Magazine?”

“It is his.”

Kendall gives Stewy an almost hurt look.

“Stewy. I did not agree to this. I wasn’t consulted, I would never have allowed this.”

“Well, you’re not the one in charge yet,” Stewy says.

“But you knew about this, obviously. And you didn’t tell me?” Stewy keeps the calm voice that he knows Kendall has to hear right now.

“You can’t always see through it all. It’s Sandy’s way of making things work, okay? You’ll be glad down the line.” Kendall looks at him like he’s insane.

“There might not be a way through it all. He didn’t even talk to me? Stew. Fucking- level with me. Is he trying to get me off the team? Does he have a new CEO in mind?”

“Don’t be paranoid. You’re fine, he’s just being practical.”

“He hasn’t taken my calls the last two days. We don’t have to destroy the company’s reputation,” Kendall says. Stewy still looks far too tranquil.

“Well, it’s happening. Nothing I can do,” Stewy shrugs. He sees a group walking by outside the door and nods at Kendall. “I’ll be back later.” He starts walking away.

“Come on, bro, I’m not done with this. Don’t fucking-“

Kendall is left standing by himself, tension bubbling from his stomach into his chest and clouding his head. The only thing he can think is that he has got to talk to Sandy. He shuts the door of the side room and reenters the cavernous networking space. He spies Sandy schmoozing with some others in the corner and begins to make his way over. He glances up at the balcony and sees Roman and Gerri rushing away into a conference room followed by Hugo and Logan. His stomach flips and he feels a physical pull toward that room. He should be in there. They’re defending the company. He tries to straighten his thoughts. He’s going to try to defend the company the only way he can. He walks over to Sandy and gives him a tight smile.

Sandy extricates himself from the group he’s with and walks with Kendall into a corner, sporting matching publicly-viewable smiles and relaxed expressions.

“Sandy. New York Magazine?” Kendall starts, keeping a pleasant tone for the many curious lookers-on. “This- this is how you want to win?”

“Kendall, I think you are maybe a little close to this situation,” Sandy says with an edge to his voice as he looks calmly at Kendall.

“What does that mean?”

“You are more concerned about the company’s reputation than ensuring our success.”

“Well, yeah, it matters that the company is in good shape once it’s in our hands.”

“This is a good move, and if it were any other firm, you’d agree that this is the right path.” Kendall tries not to think about whether that’s true. “I think you’re a bit emotion-focused right now.” Kendall tries not to let the fury spill out. “We can PR this… unseemly issue.”

“Sandy-“

“You’re not willing to damage the value temporarily, which we need to do in order to take over,” Sandy continues without allowing the interruption. “We have to stop this Pierce deal. Make them balk.”

“They already said no at Tern Haven. Roman told me so.” Kendall says flatly.

“For their own floppy reasons,” Sandy points out. “Logan is a persuasive man, is he not?” Kendall can’t argue with that. “We need something that even he can’t outbid. Something the Pierces will find sharply distasteful, not just generally offensive.”

“Sure, but-“ Kendall tries again to interrupt.

“But it’s your baby. Isn’t it?” Sandy maintains eye contact with Kendall, smiling placidly as if this isn’t a question that could end the world. “I also worry that this is more about your ego than anything else. You were across the department at the time, you might get dragged for it.”

“I- well- no. It’s- that was Mo, and Bill, first of all,“ Kendall starts. “It’s more than that. This- I am serious about being CEO, Sandy, and shepherding Waystar into the future. Let me say first that obviously whatever happened back then is not okay. I was not aware. I mean, of course there were people I- Mo, you know, he was an old family friend but- but, yeah, we should’ve gotten rid of him. There were-“ he shakes his head. “Sandy, you don’t have to publish. You don’t have to do this.”

“Kendall. It’s going to happen whether we do this or not. And I think you are gong to have to figure out what to say about these things when they come up. I’m sure you will.” And with that, he’s walking away and Kendall’s standing there silently arguing.

He’s so worked up he’s running his hand over the back of his head and starts looking around. He clocks Stewy coming toward him and slapping his own serene smile on top of his concern.

“Ken, what are you doing?”

“Sandy’s fucking threatening me I think?” Kendall begins. “Unless I’m good with the company being destroyed by his article, I’m out?”

“Relax,” Stewy practically whispers. “You are not being removed. He’s doing what is necessary.”

“And if that results in the company being trashed?”

“We’ll PR that shit so hard no one will even remember.”

“Stewy. The cruises thing is fucked up, but I can take care of it our way. Those responsible should be held responsible, but-“

Stewy rolls his eyes.

“We’ll get you your very own soap box,” he says, patting Kendall’s shoulder. He sees someone out of the corner of his eye and walks away again.

Kendall stands in a spiral and looks around hoping to find someone who will relate. Just then, Rava sidles up to him and gives him an excited smile.

“Oh, this is actually fun,” she says. “It’s been a long time but I just had a great talk with-“ she sees his frown. “What’s up?”

“Uh- no. Nothing. It’s good you’re having a good time, I like it here too.”

“Okay. So… what’s with the face?”

He sighs.

“There’s an-an article coming out, about cruises stuff. I don’t know exactly what the story is but it’s going to be bad. Make the company look like shit, possibly make me look like the bad guy. I fucking know who the bad guys were.” He grumbles. “Sandy’s publishing in New York Magazine, which he owns. I couldn’t even- stop him, he’s doing this. He- he doesn’t care what happens to me, Stewy says we’ll just PR it, but I don’t know that I come out of this, or that Waystar even comes out of this-“

“So, what, you just keep it a secret? What kind of accusations are we talking about here?”

“I don’t- I don’t even know. I-“ he glances at her. “You know, bad guys. They did bad shit. Shadow logs, coercion… maybe some assault. Maybe, uh, worse.” He braces himself.

“Maybe some assault?” Rava repeats. “And what, murder? What are you going to say about this?”

“Well, it’s going to depend on how they frame it. They’re doing whatever Sandy says, so the blame is going to land wherever he says it’s going to land. It doesn’t matter what the truth is. Sandy is not that different from Dad, you know… If he says it, it’s real.”

Rava scoffs.

“It is not real just because he says it. And Sandy doesn’t want you to look bad. You’re on his team. I mean, right?”

Kendall thinks for a minute.

“Sure. For now. But, but yeah. If this comes out, we’re going to have to have a big reaction. People are going to look to me. I have to condemn this, have a better reaction than the sibs. I’m going to call some crisis people.” Rava sighs and nods. Always another crisis.

……

The next morning, Kendall and Rava sit with Sandy and Stewy at a table staring over at Logan and Nan and Rhea. The tension is thick in the thin air. Rava’s watching Kendall and can practically hear his thoughts. Can’t believe Sandy’s fucking doing this. He sits refreshing New York Magazine’s home page over and over, wondering what Roman and Shiv are thinking about this. He notices they weren’t invited to Logan’s table this morning.

“You good?” Rava whispers.

He nods.

“Had enough PR people and lawyers to last me a lifetime last night.”

“Oh?” Rava asks, mock-insulted.

He gives her a stressed smile.

“Yeah. Well, except one.” He fidgets in his chair and Sandy looks over.

“Can you relax? It’s not as bad as it could be, Kendall. I am not destroying the company I’m taking over,” he says. Kendall notices his use of “I’m.”

Over at the other table, Rhea is doing the same refreshing. Sandy grins and glances at the time.

“Three… two… one.”

The story pops up on Kendall’s screen and he starts to read it furiously between stares at his father’s table.

Sandy looks on contentedly as he watches Rhea get up from the table with Nan and sees Logan look after them.

“And there goes Pierce,” Sandy says in a tranquil tone.

“Fuck,” Kendall whispers as he reads. “I mean… this is not good.”

Rava reads over his shoulder. Sandy clinks glasses with Stewy and Kendall tries not to throw something. Stewy looks at his face and knows.

“Ken. This was necessary. No Pierce, Waystar’s ours.”

“Ours and ‘embattled,’” Kendall says indignantly as he continues to read. He is sick of being embattled.

“You really don’t see what this does for us?” Sandy asks. Kendall is seething.

“Respectfully, neither of you built this company,” he says in as controlled a voice as he can.

“You are not going to be taken down by this, man,” Stewy tells him. “It’ll be a temporary dip. You know this.”

Sandy and Stewy glance at each other and know that Kendall just can’t see the big picture here.

“You’ll see,” Sandy says. Rava looks at Kendall supportively but she wonders if it might really be necessary to make the takeover happen.

……

After hours of pacing and texting endless questions to Stewy while trying to find out what response Waystar is going to have at the evening’s panel, the time finally comes to sit down and watch it happen. He fidgets anxiously next to Rava in the audience as the discussions begin.

“Who are they even going to have?” he whispers between nail-bitings and foot bounces.

“Stop that,” Rava whispers back, forcing him to sit still and not draw attention to himself. “The more obvious it is that you’re here, the more people are going to stare.” He does his best to stop.

“This is insane.” He glances ahead of him two rows at Stewy and Sandy sitting together. “I would know exactly what to say for this if I were up there,” he whispers into Rava’s ear.

“I know. But it’s probably for the best that you are not the face of Waystar right now, don’t you think?” Rava points out.

“Yeah, I-I guess. Let Shiv and Rome look like idiots trying to defend this? Or throw me under the bus?”

“They can’t do that without also throwing your dad under the bus, which I doubt he would like very much. If they’re going to say you knew, no one would believe he didn’t know.”

Kendall sighs. That’s something. Roman and Shiv are announced and make their way onto the stage.

“This is a joke,” Kendall whispers.

His eyes bore into them as they begin their interview, but after a minute it’s too hard to look at them. He should up there, he should already be CEO. He makes himself take a look around at who else is there. He spots Frank and wills him to turn toward him. Frank continues gazing forward with his hand holding his face. Kendall doesn’t take his eyes off him. This could be the moment to convince him to leave.

“Maybe it’s time for a good old-fashioned dinosaur cull,” Shiv says. The room quiets. Kendall’s mouth falls open and so does Frank’s. In a moment, Frank turns and he’s looking right at Kendall. Kendall eyes him intently, hoping he’ll read his mind. But he lets his godfather lead and stays stoic until Frank breaks the silent pause.

“We need to talk,” Frank mouths. Kendall nods.

Half an hour later, he watches Frank cross his legs as he leans back in the swivel chair at the of table of the small conference room they’d snuck into. He observes his every expression as he continues making his case. “You can’t be seen to take the side of the old guard. Look what they allowed to happen.”

“Well, Ken, if we’re being honest, it could look like this is what you allowed to happen,” Frank says.

“Well, Frank, if I’m going to be honest with you, it could easily look like you orchestrated it and are trying to blame me.” It’s ribbing, it’s serious, it’s everything in between. Frank sighs and Kendall continues. “I-I mean, I’m just saying, I think it’s a solid move for you to show that it wasn’t you. Come to the light, you know? I know you, panic-meister. This is killing you. You’ve got to do something, yeah?” he says with mounting enthusiasm. “Yeah?! I fucking know you! Get away from the incompetents, come remake this thing with us.”

Frank looks at the door and back at Kendall.

“You trust Sandy?” Frank asks.

“I…” Kendall realizes a pause is dangerous. “Yes. Yes, I trust him.”

“Well,” he sighs. “I’ll think about it. He’s easing into the possibility and Kendall tries to temper his eagerness.

“Okay. Good, that’s all I’m asking.”

Frank gets up and turns toward the doorway.

“Hey, Frank?” Kendall asks before he goes. The uncertainty of his situation is getting to him. “Do you think- do you think I can do this?”

“Well,” Frank answers, “I think your dad has definitely thought so. In the past, you know.”

“Sure,” Kendall says. He loves hearing that. “But, do you?”

Frank nods equivocally.

“Yeah,” he says lightly. “Probably, yeah, I think you could. Maybe,” he chuckles.

Kendall nods. He hopes he’s right about whose team Frank’s going to end up on.

They walk back into the room full of networkers, shoe-lickers, show horses, and hangers-on. Kendall darts up the stairs and knows exactly who he’s looking for next. The tallest man in the room.

“Greg the motherfuckin’ egg,” Kendall smiles sardonically as he finds Greg walking down a hallway. Greg looks like he’s been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

“Oh, h-hey, Ken! How’s everything going with, uh-“

“Greg,” he interrupts. “I’ve been thinking about our conversation at my sister’s wedding.”

“Oh-oh, yeah? Yeah.” Greg swallows and tries to breathe slowly.

“Well, I’m just wondering how much of this you know about. Because some of that insider information might be very useful. I thought we could talk about some opportunities for you at the new Waystar.”

“The new Waystar. That’s super- exciting, yeah. I really- um, I’ve been working a lot with Tom… though?”

“Tom?” Kendall scoffs lightly. “Greg. I like Tom. I do. But Tom is in charge of ATN. I’m about to be his boss. I already was his boss. If he’s lucky and gets to stay, we’ll see. He was also directly in the line of information that you shouldn’t have.” Kendall thinks for a second and looks directly at Greg. “Actually, is- is that where you got this information? From Tom?”

Greg looks too scared for that not to be the case. Kendall laughs a bitter laugh.

“Right. Okay. So you’re both stuck. I think you know I have every incentive to place the blame squarely on Mo, where it belongs, by the way, and Bill for covering it up, and unfortunately, that means Tom is in the line of fire. You, though? You could escape. Take the lifeboat.” Greg looks worried and Kendall looks at him seriously. “Just in case you hadn’t noticed, the cruise ship is sinking.”

On the other side of the room, on the ground floor, Rava’s gaze crosses the door that Logan, the old guard, Shiv, and Roman had entered after the panel discussion. Suddenly, she sees Roman stumble out holding his jaw and is shocked to see some unmistakable drops of blood on his hand where he’s holding his face. Her mouth drops open and she makes a beeline for him. He sees her coming and tries to turn the other way.

“Roman,” Rava calls, approaching him slowly. She’s pretty sure she knows what just happened. She catches up to him as he turns a corner into an empty hallway. “Roman. Are you okay?”

“I’m fucking fine, why is everyone asking me that?” But he’s looking at his hand in horror.

“Well,” Rava indicates his hand, his face.

“It was nothing,” Roman insists. “A fucking- accident.” But there are tears forming.

Rava reaches her hand out to touch his shoulder. It’s so tense it feels like a rock. He’s defended and doesn’t really respond.

“Hey. I’m not new here,” she says softly. He still doesn’t want to make eye contact. “Did he break anyth- oh, god,” she reacts as he pulls a tooth out.

“Ow, fuck. It’s fine, it’s nothing, I’ll get a new one,” Roman shrugs. But he’s obviously falling apart.

“Unbelievable,” she whispers. “I’m so sorry.”

She puts her arm around him even though he tries to shrug her off. He sniffles.

“I’m sure Kendall loves that shit, but I’m stronger than him. If he even chipped a tooth he’d be in a plastic surgeon’s office with three psychiatrists convincing him not to jump off a fucking building.”

Rava squeezes her eyes shut and smiles.

“Okay. Can I get you some ice?”

He thinks about saying no but he can feel the swelling.

“Fuck you, fine.”

“Rome?!” They hear Shiv’s voice echoing as she quickly strides in their direction, the door slamming behind her. Rava watches her turn the corner and spot him, bending down to look at his face and make sure he’s okay.

“I’ll be back,” Rava assures him as she heads to find a server.

Once she’s collected the ice, she returns to him, now sitting in a chair in an awkward ball next to Shiv.

“Here you go,” she hands him the pack. He sighs.

“Thank you,” he says begrudgingly. “Where’s Ken, by the way? Can you- where is he?”

“I’ll get him,” she says immediately. “You want me to send him here, or-“

“No,” Shiv says. “No, we’ll be in Rome’s room. Right?” she asks him. He nods.

“Okay. I’ll tell him to come right to you.” Rava takes off to find Kendall. She walks all around the room and looks up to the balcony. Greg is slowly turning away from Kendall and walking back down to the Waystar room Roman just left. She takes long strides to get to Kendall faster. He catches her eye and she gives him a look that screams problems. He rushes to meet her on the staircase.

“Hey. What’s up?” he asks tensely. He looks pulled in a million directions and there’s about to be one more. She tries to keep her voice as delicate as possible.

“Uh, Ken, I’m sorry to tell you this, but your dad-“ she sighs. “Your dad hit Roman- pretty badly. Lost a tooth, he’s-”

The color drains from Kendall’s face.

“He fucking what? When- just now?” Rage spurts out of him. “I’m going to fucking kill him.” She puts a hand on his arm to make him keep listening.

“Yes, it was just a minute ago. I found Roman coming out of the room, and he’s with Shiv now. He asked for you to come to his room.”

Kendall is about to lunge toward the room he knows Logan is in when he’s physically pulled in the other direction by her words.

“He- he wants to see me?”

“He does.”

“Well, is he- is he okay? I’ll go right now.”

“He’s sort of okay? I got him some ice and stayed with him until Shiv got there.” Kendall pauses and looks at her.

“Of course you did,” he says quietly. She’s so good. He holds her hand. “Thank you.”

She squeezes his hand.

“He’s pretty shaken up. But I think he’ll recover.” Kendall looks almost as upset as Roman. She gives him a quick hug. “You should go, take care of him.” He nods.

“Yeah. Okay, yeah, I’m going now.” He walks briskly in the direction of the residences.

Rava watches him go and wishes for freedom for all the siblings. As he disappears behind a corner, she’s approached by a tall man in a suit who taps her on the shoulder.

“Rava. Nice to see you in the wild,” the man says.

“Oh, Joe,” she says. “How’s the case I want back?” she jokes, though they both know she’s serious.

“I’m glad you’re here, figured you’d be attending since the rest of the, uh, family is here,” he laughs a bit and she grins unconvincingly and nods.

“Yes, it’s a great day to have the last name ‘Roy,’” she acknowledges.

“Do you have a few minutes?” Joe asks. “I wanted to update you on the latest from the firm. Things have gotten interesting.”

“Oh? Well, yeah, actually, this is good timing for a few minutes.” Rava follows Joe into a nearby breakout room.

In the next set of buildings, Kendall knocks on his brother’s door.

“Rome? It’s me. Rava said- you wanted me to come.”

Shiv opens the door.

“Hey,” she says mirthlessly. Her expression looks like she’s been to war.

“Hey,” Kendall says, uncertainly giving her a kiss on the cheek. “Everything, uh..?”

“It’s pretty bad. He’s in there.” She indicates the bathroom.

“Should I-?”

“Sure, take a shot,” Shiv answers. She sits on the bed with her head in her hands, taking a moment before she reaches for the snifter of brandy on the nightstand. Kendall will handle her next. He walks into the bathroom and beholds Roman in a cloud of steam from the shower examining his face in the mirror, wrapped in a huge white robe. It’s far too big for him and Kendall could swear he still looks like the scared little kid he used to comfort.

“Hey,” Kendall starts. “Rava told me you- uh-“ He looks more closely at his face in the mirror. “Fuck. Wow. He’s such a piece of shit. Come here, let me see.” Roman reluctantly turns toward Kendall and lets him look.

“It was an accident. Whatever,” Roman tries.

“Rome,” Kendall stops him. He can see that his little brother’s eyes are red. He looks at Roman’s mouth.

“Where’s the-“

Roman gestures to the tooth on the counter. Kendall drags his hands over his face.

“I’m gonna fucking kill him,” he says.

“Would you stop? I don’t- it’s fine.” Kendall puts his arm around Roman and he lets it happen for a moment.

“Your wife tried this shit too. I said she’s just used to a weaker man who needs it.”

Kendall smiles at him.

“Sure,” he says, allowing the dig. Picturing Rava taking care of Roman in such an awful, lonely moment makes him ache for her. “Rome, you know none of that was okay. I’m gonna go talk to him, I am.”

“Don’t fucking do that. It was nothing.”

“Hey. It wasn’t nothing,” Kendall says gently. Roman seems to relax a few muscles and Kendall leaves his hand on his shoulder. “You okay?” Roman shrugs. “You’re going to be okay.” He looks at Roman’s eyes as he looks away and makes a face. “Yeah?”

“Whatever, yeah.” Roman finally answers. “Yeah. I’m glad you could take time out of your busy schedule of ruining our family’s company to come here,” Roman attempts to spit out.

“Uh huh. Me too.”

“Are you even going to defend yourself?”

“Today? No.”

Roman rolls his eyes.

“Go talk to Shiv. And just- don't talk to Dad today."

Kendall pats his shoulder and nods reluctantly. He walks back out where Shiv is sitting with her knees up leaning back against the headboard with a nearly-empty glass. To him, she’s eight years old again, looking to him to explain why their brother won’t come out of his room.

“Hey,” he sits on the bed near her.

She takes a shallow breath in and stares at the bed.

“It was my fault. So. There you go.”

“Shiv-“ he says.

“No, it was. I said ‘dinosaur cull,’ he hit our brother.”

“It’s never your fault,” he echoes one of his early therapists. “I- I mean, you know that.” He can’t quite help himself. “I might have phrased the- dinosaur thing differently, but- but it doesn’t matter. This?” He gestures toward the bathroom door. “This is not your fault.” She glances at him and back down at the bed, takes a long sip. He leans away from the smell and she puts it down.

“Sorry,” she says, back to avoiding his gaze.

“No, if I could I would. Believe me.” She nods and he reaches for her hand and holds it. “If you don’t want to go to the dinner tonight, you don’t have to.”

“Oh, sure, you would love that,” she says, grabbing a pillow and holding it. “But of course, you have to go, because if you missed a night of bullshit, you might die.”

“Shiv. Come on.” He hates that she’s a little bit right. But he means it when he asks, “Do you want me to stay here? I will.”

She shakes her head.

“No, no. You go. I’ll be there.”

Kendall looks concerned.

“Well- what about-“ he indicates the closed door.

Shiv shrugs.

“I texted Connor. He said he’s going to call him.”

“I mean, sure, Roman’s not going to answer, but-“

Roman walks out of the room on the phone and dramatically shushes them.

“Can you stop talking about me, I’m on a call,” he snaps sarcastically. He walks into the second bedroom of the suite and shuts the French doors loudly.

“You think?” Kendall asks. Shiv raises her eyebrows.

“I guess so!” They sit for a moment of quiet.

“So, back to the shitshow?” Shiv asks. They share a guilty moment of being the ones who love the drama. Kendall nods and sends a text to Connor.

Thanks bro. Back in the city day after tomorrow. Come over for dinner?

Kendall and Shiv walk out of the hallway together into the room full of people, which has quickly started turning into a cocktail party. Kendall looks around for Rava and sees her on the balcony walking out of a breakout room with a man he doesn’t recognize. He nods up at them.

“Hey, who is that?” he asks Shiv.

“Oh, that’s Rava’s side piece. Sorry you had to find out this way,” she teases.

“Uh huh. Okay,” he nods.

“You’re so jealous. You wish you had a relationship like mine,” she tucks her hair behind her ear. Kendall watches as she notices Tom talking to another woman on the other side of the balcony and clocks her disgruntled face.

“Yeah? And how is the perfect marriage going?” he asks. “He tell you what he knew before the article came out?”

She rolls her eyes because she can’t answer that and they walk away from each other.

Kendall climbs the stairs to meet Rava.

“Hey,” he greets her.

She slips her arm around his waist and he dips his head toward her. She makes him want to leave the party and go lie in bed with her watching something funny on tv.

“Hi, baby.” She uses pet names when he might be more anxious than usual. “How’s Roman?” she asks.

“Uh, he’s…” he shakes his head. “I dunno. He seemed okay. He was on the phone with Connor when we left.”

“Are you sure it’s a good idea that you leave him alone?”

“Well, not alone. With Connor, sort of.” Rava raises her eyebrows and he acknowledges that she’s right. “I’ll go check on him before dinner.” He looks up and sees the same man strolling the hall. “Who’s that?”

“It’s Joe from the firm that took Tony Trume’s case! They found a bunch of information. They’ve got management names, company info, they’re working on tracking the company’s history, which is basically impossible, but they’re magicians. I learned so much just from being in there. I think I’m going in their New York office next week.”

“Company history. Gotta be careful when that starts coming out,” Kendall notes.

“Yeah, can’t say I’m hearing great compliments about the Roys tonight,” she says.

He sighs.

“Yeah, and I can’t imagine it’ll get much better at dinner. You good if we-“

“Leave early? My favorite,” Rava smiles.

“Okay,” he chuckles. “Good.”

…..

“Permission to never board?” the comedian calls out.

Stewy looks at Rava and snickers. Rava knows Kendall’s emotional fallout would be worse if she joined in, so she privately gives Stewy an amused look and lets it turn into a grimace at the distasteful joke. Everyone takes a second to look for Logan’s reaction at the next table. Stoic. Unmoved. No one’s surprised.

Shiv leans over to Kendall.

“Did you talk to Roman again?”

“Yeah,” he whispers back. “Well, sort of, he just told me to fuck off so I came here.”

She shrugs.

“Then he’s probably fine,” she says. They look at each other. “But I’ll go back after this is over. I had to come to dinner. Can’t be seen being a bad sport and not showing up,” she says as she straightens her jacket. Just then, Logan gets up from his table and storms out, seemingly following Nan Pierce out the door. Kendall and Shiv turn in their chairs to stare after him.

“Or maybe you can be a bad sport. What the fuck?” Shiv whispers. Suddenly she realizes their conspiratorial camaraderie is not appropriate. “Actually- no. You know what? We are not talking about this. Why are you even at this table?”

“Why are you at my table?” Kendall counters. “I don’t see you being invited to that one.” He gestures to the one Logan had left.

“Fuck you, I wasn’t even supposed to go to this stupid thing.”

“Kind of making my point,” he says. She looks away from him. “Shivvy, you’ll join my side eventually,” Kendall grins.

She gives him a look and turns her attention back to the comedian, who has finally moved on to others.

Once the performance has wound down, Rava looks questioningly at Kendall and he nods. They get up to go and say their goodbyes to everyone at the table. Stewy rolls his eyes dramatically.

“Ugghhh, you’re going to bed at- what is it, like ten o’clock? Drink three? Rava, can you make him stop being so fucking boring?”

“Can I make you stop pretending you’re twenty-two?” she asks playfully.

“Age is just a number. On a bank account in Geneva.” He gestures to the server that he wants another drink. A voice pops up behind Stewy.

“Yeahhh, I thought only women had ages.” Roman gives everyone a confused look as he sits down at the table. “Men just have bank accounts that get bigger. Right, Shiv?”

She smiles for a millisecond before it turns to a scowl.

“Look how delighted she is to see me.”

Kendall relaxes a little and doesn’t see Gerri’s long concerned look at Roman from Logan’s table.

“Glad you’re here, bro,” Kendall says. He looks at Rava hesitatingly. She nods graciously and sits back down. He scoots his chair closer to hers.

“Are you kidding?” Roman says loudly enough to be heard at the next table. “Wouldn’t miss this shit-fest. Someone just texted me that Dad and Nan are yelling at each other outside. I heard it was a must-see event.” Gerri takes a sip of her martini as she stands up.

Kendall tries not to smile at the welcome news of their argument, but he knows what that means. He glances down at his phone and opens a text from Connor.

Roman’s doing all right. And yes. I’ll come to dinner.

Rava taps him to look up for a second as Gerri walks by with Frank, now deep in conversation. Kendall leans toward them to try to eavesdrop. He only catches a few words from Gerri’s forceful whisper, but they’re enough.

“…Logan… losing it?”

Chapter 15 💗

[mondscheinprinzessin]

Soulmate shorts pt. 2

Written for @another-sun christmas event <3

another short Aleksi/Joel/Joonas soulmate installment for the long waiting time you guys have to endure

the timeline doesn't matter here at all btw

Sprinkling in a little hurt/comfort because of course, it's me, and I hope you enjoy😊

It only needed one look towards Joel for Joonas to know something was up. They hadn’t seen each other for most of the day after Joel and Niko had gone off to the radio station for another interview and the rest of the band was left alone in the studio under Aleksi’s supervision.

But the first step Joel took into the studio made it clear he wasn’t alright, and it wasn’t only Joonas who noticed; Aleksi shot him a worried look, well adjusted to every sign by now that one of them needed a little more support.

Now wasn’t the right time though to do an intervention and they settled with keeping an eye on their partner for now.

And it wasn’t a coincidence that today they finished earlier, producing a small lie to the others, so they could head home a little earlier than usual. It wasn’t easy anyways to concentrate while aware their soulmate was struggling. Joonas could swear his soulmark was itching but did his best not to act upon it, not wanting to further worry Joel in return.

Instead they drove home, Joonas and Aleksi kept on their toes since they knew a direct approach has never worked with Joel. It felt more offensive for Joel to discover that his mood was troubling his partners, so much so that he would rather keep shut and pretend a little longer he was fine.

Joonas didn’t want to think about how similar Aleksi and Joel were in that matter. Different story, same ending. And it hurt none the less when Joonas experienced it second-hand.

But to their surprise Joel didn’t mind showing off his gloominess in fullness. Not even in the dramatic way that liked to come forward when it wasn’t much of a concern, and he was more annoyed than truly upset.

No, as soon as they entered their flat Joel strode towards the couch and lay down, a pillow under his head, and his long hair didn’t even attempt to hide his glistening eyes.

The picture did its best to break Joonas’ heart, and he and Aleksi quickly discarded their stuff so they could join. While Aleksi took a seat at the end of the couch, picking up Joel’s feet to put them on his lap, and running a soothing hand over his legs, Joonas cautiously sat down at Joel’s head.

Another hand ran a comforting path along Joel’s body, loosening knots in his hair, and warming the skin on his neck. His face was already hot and red and Joonas could hear the sniffles that Joel couldn’t suppress.

“’m sorry.”

“What should you be sorry for?” Aleksi asked first.

“Everything?”

So Joel didn’t even know if he had done anything wrong with them, apologizing first and gauging their reaction to see if any criticism was following.

“There’s nothing coming to my mind.” Joonas calmed him down. “We just want to know what’s up.”

Joel swallowed, obviously fighting with himself. But they gave him the time.

“I fucked up after the interview.” He finally said. “The guy was rude and I couldn’t help myself. What if we will never be invited by them again? I fucked up this chance for us and now we never get to play our songs there and no one will hear us.”

Evidently they were already deep in the spiralling phase, producing disaster scenario after disaster scenario, not being able to see the truth right in front of his face.

Joonas, the ever-logical mind among them said, “I’m sure that if you had been really disrespectful, they would have given management a call already, but we didn’t hear from them all day, so I’m sure it’s fine. They will air the interview, and they’re not the only two people deciding about the music on their channel. Regardless there’s more than one radio station out there. Don’t forget you’re visiting Rock Antenne next month!” He tried to cheer him up.

To his satisfaction he could hear Joel chuckle and giving a little acknowledgment in return.

“I will never be like Niko though.” The negativity outwon in his mind. “He always keeps so calm and professional.”

“Good.” Aleksi answered. “Because we don’t need another Niko. What do we need two rappers for?” He tried to break up the mood and smiled audibly.

“Exactly.” Joonas joined. “We love you because you’re you in case you haven’t noticed yet.” Joonas flicked a finger against Joel’s nose to get him out of his head. “If Niko was so special, he would have our soulmark, but he doesn’t, because you belong to us, and we love you, and you’re great. Yes, you can fuck up at times, but all of us do. You don’t need to be like somebody else.”

It took a little time for Joel to absorb all that and to answer.

“Yeah sorry.”

It wasn’t the answer Joonas had hoped for, it sounded more like surrendering to their approval than truly understanding what they had wanted to convey. Maybe they didn’t choose the right words. Especially the part about Joel being special.

It was clear that he had just wanted to fit in ever since he was circled out his whole life by school mates and coworkers and family that didn’t really understand at first. It wasn’t always comfortable being ‘unique’, and sometimes all you wanted was to be normal, to be like someone else, be under security of someone else’s personality and not show your own.

Joonas understood better than he would have liked, all of them did, but it nevertheless hurt that it was still such a big part in their lives.

“We love you Joel.” He repeated therefore and turned Joel’s face so he could lean down and drop a kiss to the tip of his nose.

The problem wouldn’t resolve itself today no matter what they said or did, it took time for Joel to embrace the kindness back, just like his tears needed to dry and a smile would build itself slowly up.

But they could cuddle on the couch, all three of them, watch a movie and wait till Joel has relaxed enough that they could go to bed. Maybe Joonas would start a tickle fight with Aleksi to distract Joel, that would end in a wrestling match and one of them falling down on the carpet, but it was what they needed, and Joonas would do everything for his soulmates.

Aleksi stilled in his movement when Joel suddenly appeared before him, blocking the bedroom door.

“We need to do something about Joonas, you in?”

It has been 5 minutes since Aleksi had stood up after a night with pleasant dreams, so excuse him if he was a little slow, but Joel’s sentence didn’t make any sense.

“You want to do what?”

Joel took away his arm from the door frame that had been obstructing Aleksi’s view to the hallway and the bathroom that called for a nice shower. But it was also a bit hot to see Joel looming over him, he couldn’t lie. Okay get back on track brain.

“You can’t tell me you haven’t been noticing how off Joonas’ has been lately? He needs to relax and we’re going to help him.”

Oh. Yes, this Aleksi indeed has noticed. But it wasn’t surprising for Joonas to be tense and stiff with his current workload. And in addition to that Aleksi had to admit that he and Joel didn’t have a great time lately either, and Joonas had always been there to comfort them, giving everything and apparently forgetting about himself.

Aleksi sighed. Yes, they needed to do something for him. “Alright, you’ve got something in mind already?”

Looking at Joel’s face he most likely had, and with the head start Joel had by being awake earlier he certainly had enough time to think about it.

“I’m going grocery shopping so you can cook something nice. Go take a shower my star.” Joel replied and gave him a kiss finally.

As soon as he had appeared as quickly did he vanish out of the door and Aleksi could only shake his head as he fetched his things for the bathroom. When Joel had set his mind on something he could be incredibly determined.

-

The jingle of keys indicated Joonas’ return, and Aleksi swirled in the sauce to make sure it’s ready. He had timed his cooking perfectly and the table was already set for three, just waiting for them to sit down and eat.

In the hallway he could hear Joel welcoming their boyfriend and soon he felt a pair of arms snaking around his middle and a kiss to his neck. He smiled happily down into the pot, the feeling of one of them pressed to his back, warm and comforting, never getting old and never something he could get used to, always making his heart speed up.

“Smells delicious baby.”

Oh what a compliment could do to Aleksi, he thought as he joyfully served everyone a plate.

Sitting opposite of Joonas gave him the perfect view to observe him and it was effortless to him to see behind his smile. The contentment was real, but the hard lines around his mouth and eyes didn’t vanish with a good meal. It has been too long that Joonas was letting himself torn apart to all sides, and another full day at the studio with Olli did its rest.

Making a good face was something they all learned to do, and especially in their line of work it had to be done, keeping up the face for the press and fans even when they were utterly exhausted. But here, around his loved ones, Joonas didn’t need to pretend.

After they were done eating it was time for round 2 of their plan and after Joel had disappeared for a minute and Aleksi had done his best to convince Joonas they could leave the dishes for a while, they only needed to get Joonas to the bathroom.

“Out of your clothes.” Joel demanded rather excited for that their goal was to help Joonas relax.

Joonas looked at him surprised. “Uhm, I’m sorry Joel, but not today. I’m tired.”

“No, no, no sexy time today, promised, but get out of your clothes.” Joel replied but before Joonas could even lift a finger he was already being shoved towards their bathroom.

Aleksi followed and laughed silently to himself as he watched Joel undress him while Joonas was still busy taking everything in.

Food wasn’t the only thing Joel had bought, a few candles had found their way into the shopping cart and were now lightning up the room to dim the harsh light from the lamp. It made for a seriously calming atmosphere, and the sweet and flowery smell from the bath foam only added to it.

The bathtub was almost full of water and Aleksi quickly turned off the tap before an accident could occur. Testing the temperature, he deemed it safe to enter the water and got rid of his pants and long shirt at least.

Meanwhile Joel and Joonas had gotten naked and while it was certainly a nice picture to see them so close together with their bodies on full display it also warmed his heart to see Joel so careful and attentive to Joonas.

Before anyone of them could get cold Joel helped Joonas get into the bathtub and Aleksi positioned himself outside at the head. There wasn’t enough room for all three of them anyways (nothing they could fix as easily as making more space on the couch and bed) and he had another job to do.

Carefully guiding Joonas’ head back, giving a loving smile before making him close his eyes, Aleksi put both of his hands to his head. He started out with his thumbs at the temple, rubbing the skin there in circles, then travelled to his forehead to card his fingers through his hair.

While he was tending to his curls and the scalp, eliciting the one and other mellow moan of satisfaction, Joel was running his hands over the rest of Joonas’ body.

Although at times it seemed like he was just trying to push the foam around to get a better look at his body.

“I love you both.” Joonas said after some time, his voice quiet and soft.

For Aleksi it turned out to be quite difficult to answer to this at times, and his eyes would cast downwards, feelings too many that they would definitely spill out of him incomprehensibly and with too much force. But while his mouth struggled to find the right words (he only needed three and they were right there but so hard to form around his tongue), his hands were extra careful to caress Joonas’ face.

And Joel was right there to reassure Joonas that they were feeling the same, leaning forwards to capture his wrist and kissing his way around the little soulmark, a shiver noticeable on Joonas’ body. Aleksi could almost feel Joel’s caress on himself, and although he was lacking the symbols that united them, their love for each other was strong enough that in this moment he didn’t need them for assurance. Joel’s loving gaze he got when he broke away from Joonas was all he needed to know.

[autisticgirliesbracket]

What makes Nagi Usui from The World Ends With You the autistic girlie ever of all time? Here's what the people have to say:

Nagi-related asks/reblogs: x This post will be updated after each round!

Image ID in alt text and under the readmore.

[Image ID. White slide with a screenshot of Nagi Usui in the bottom left corner, her glasses are all white and there is blue lightning coming off her. She is surrounded by text boxes which read,

"Has a special interest in EleStra, a mobile game, and it is her main motivation to live (or to come back to life, at least). Has an unusually formal, sometimes awkward manner of speech; often refers to others with Lord/Lady honorifics. Hyper-empathetic; can sense when people are masking their feelings, and is strongly affected by others' negative thoughts and emotions. Her power allows her to go into others' minds, but she dislikes doing it, both for their privacy and because dealing with their strong emotions exhausts her. Puts significant thought and care into her interactions, calculating every aspect of her behavior when communicating."

"Winner of the The World Ends With You autism bracket! Nagi is very emotionally perceptive and is easily overwhelmed by others' emotions, suggesting hyperempathy. She has a big interest in a game called Elestra, which she talks about often and relates situations from it to situations in real life. She particularly loves one character from the game, and pretends that someone from real life that she knows is that character. While Nagi is very empathetic, she struggles to see things from the point of view of those who are very different from her."

"Trapped in a death game and her sole motivation for escaping is to get back to playing her fave video game which she hyperfixates on. She has a speaking quirk where she talks very eloquently and overly formal and makes a lot of sounds/unintelligible noises to express when she’s feeling excited. Hyper empathetic and makes an active conscious effort to understand and communicate with people, calling it a skill that can be honed like any other."

"Literally died and landed in a death game, but was more worried about not being able to play the next chapter of her gacha game hyperfixation than y'know, being dead She is also hyperempathetic and makes So Many Noises"

" "I am simply aware of the importance of communication. And I take great pains to ensure my interactions with others remain as peaceful as possible. Asking questions. Gauging responses. Reacting aptly. I leverage every element at my disposal—actions, words, emojis, anything at all—to ensure everyone feels welcome.” - This is a direct quote from the game, which should be pretty autistic on its own. But wait, there's more! This is how she's able to Dive into other people's souls and help rid them of their inner demons. When she ends up in a three-week-long series of death games in another layer of reality played by the dead for a second chance at life, her motivation to get back is that there's a new chapter of her special interest mobile game and she can't play it until she's done with all of it. She joins the team because there's a dude who looks eerily like her favorite character who hangs around with them. Her arc resolves not by being less interested in EleStra (said special interest mobile game,) but by getting someone else who she'd previously had trouble getting along with because he spent the game masking INTO EleStra, on the grounds it'll help him cope with grief and improve his social skills. Nagi was voted Most Autistic Swag of the game duology in a fandom tournament, and this is saying something because you can make a case for like 60% of the cast at a low estimate being readable as autistic. She is an autistic queen."

"She obsesses over a mobile game (and one of her teammates because he looks JUST LIKE her blorbo/husbando). She has an ita bag covered in pins of said blorbo. She speaks in an old-timey fashion (she's 19 in modern day Tokyo) and refers to others as "Lord/Lady [Name]". AND she refers that special interest game to others as a way to "heal (their) hearts." She was voted Most Autistic TWEWY character on tumblr in a finals match against someone who's literally nonverbal with a special interest in tech who talks EXCLUSIVELY using text and rarely facially emotes. That's how autistic she is."

"Nagi is described as devoting most of, if not all her time to her pastimes, especially for a certain in-universe mobile game (Elegant Strategy, or EleStra), which she carries an itabag completely decorated with merch of a singular character from the aforementioned game, from several buttons and pins, to a charm, to a keychain plushie. She is also described as "more of a subdued character who can't assimilate into a social environment as easily as other people" by her character designer. I could go on but I'm not sure how to put concepts into words"

"She has an INTENSE special interest in a mobile game called Elegant Strategy to the point where playing it is her main motivation for trying to escape the literal actual death game she gets chucked into. She is highly empathetic which is highlighted by her psych (essentially the magic system in this game) being the ability to dive into other people's minds. She is extremely observant and puts a lot of effort into effectively communicating with the people around her, calling things like jokes or emojis "tools" to make sure everyone has a good time. The twewy fandom hosted an autism poll and she won so she absolutely deserves to go here" End ID.]

[bleep-bloop-boo]

hi honey...sorry to bother you...but i saw that some other ppl are asking for advice so i hope you don't mind me dropping this here...(feel free to ignore if u don't want to respond)

but uh i feel like i have audhd, or at least some flavor of executive dysfunction, but my parents don't really seem to understand that. like even the noise of someone chewing makes me angry, or that i have to do this a certain way, or that my brain and my body just doesn't work like my parents' do. i know fidget and stim a lot, and i am reaaally bad at procrastination. er not procrastinating. even simple tasks like getting ready for bed or showering (there's so many steps why are there so many things) or even other things that would literally take 5 minutes. like making a mountain out of a molehill or however it goes. i just relate to a lot a lot of the symptoms and experiences that other audhders have, but i don't know for sure if i have audhd.

idk i just don't know how to tell my parents that i think I have audhd and that i want to get it tested or smth i don't rly know what the process is...

anyway sorry for long ask T.T

hi!! okay, first of all, hfjkddifuhghjdkd thank you for asking me <33 (sorry i responded so late, i havent been online a lot 😭) and you're never a bother and i love the long ask <33

and i totally get where you're coming from! of course this wont work for every parent butttt, you can try this 1. don't mention any specific names, words like disability or autism or even adhd make parents nervous and dont mention internet research yet 2. slowly start describing different symptoms to them just like, work it into the conversation and pretend its relatable like for executive dysfunction "ugghhhh, i wish i could stop being lazy" "i also wish you'd stop being lazy" "its just harddd, like i want to get up but i cant. you know the feeling? like i know i have so much work to do and a lot i need to get done and i really want to start it but like my brain isn't letting me...." *wait a sec* "OH! like you know how when you want to do something dangerous? like when trying to bite your finger off like a carrot cuz you read it in a childrens book and wanted to try it but you couldn't because your brain stops you from hurting yourself? (or use the example of touching something hot) THATS THE FEELING IM TALKING ABOUT!" 3. then after you introduce a lot of the symptoms as 'quirks' you have to the point where they start calling you out on it and recognizing that you are struggling you can move on 4. start talking off-handedly about adhd/autism just casually "oh! you know how i always forget things no matter how much i try to remember them and then end up feeling really guilty i forget?? my friend with adhd does the same thing! dude, literally none of my other friends understood what i meant when i was talking about how frustrating it is to forget everything and like yk like how you start to distrust yourselff, its so cool MAKEUPANAMEFORADHDFRIEND gets itt" from this, you can gauge how supportive your parents are of the idea and start warming them up to it 5. now, some parents might start to search up adhd or autism and begin to realize that the traits you showed in step 2 are actually symptoms if nottt, start showing em videos of people describing adhd/autism and say your friends sent it to you (my friends actually do this. all the time- )

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/7_9VWxnRns8 this persons videos are some of my favorties <33 and show them saying smth like "omg, look, this person is just like meee" 6. after a while of showing them videos like that, start mentioning things like "lolol, my friends keep teasing me saying i have autism/adhd" mention this a couple times when youre using your phone so it seems like they're just texting you about it (i would mention adhd sometimes and autism others like "yk how NAME says i have adhd? well theyre fighting with NAME2 cuz NAME2 thinks i have autism lolol")

7. if they still dont connect the dots, then mention it to them casually and worst comes to worst, blame it on your friends "huh, yk whats funny? all these videos my friends said me are like surprisingly relatable... maybe im adhd lolol" or "broski, my friends are so certain that i have autism, they keep bugging me to get a diagnosis to prove theyre right! can we get one just so they stop??" of course, the best way would be to talk to them and be vulnerable and just be straight about how hard it is for you (and crying will prolly help lol) and ask them if you can please get a diagnosis because you just want to know if theres something to help you if thats not possible, try my list (tho it does take a while... like quite a few months) and let me know how it goes!! and the most important part, remember that you are doing a great job :)) autism and adhd and nuerodivergency can be so hard to deal with and the fact you're trying to get help is good <33 your struggles are so valid, and its not your fault in the slightest. i am so, so, so proud of you for everything you did :)) remember than hon GOOD LUCK BESTIEEE <33333

[theprideful]

jfc the people jumping down your throat for that VERY clearly a harmless joke post need to calm TF down like. man clearly the thing you are criticizing is "autism mom" culture and pathologising autism, not at all saying anything about different care needs, or putting down those with high care needs... which also many people prefer to use terms like low or high support rather than trying to rank it as "severe" and have said ranking be based on how neurotyoical we can act rather than like. what we actually need help w. they are putting so many words in your mouth you didn't even a little say and came out ready to start drama and not actually bother to consider any possibility other than what they assumed, or to do anything to prevent conflict.

anyway point is I'm w you on the "dude wtf" and hope people get a grip.

thank you, so many of them are arguing a point i didn’t even make with arguments i literally agree with and i’m actually getting harassed for a misunderstanding. like i agree that there are autistics who need more support and that autism is a vast spectrum. i have never contested those things. “functioning labels are harmful” and “all autistic people are different and will need different supports and function differently” are not mutually exclusive and they can, do and should coincide. anyway i appreciate it

[the-final-sif]

I think my most controversial MCC take is that people think Grian is magic at buildmart management when the reality is almost all of Grian’s recent teams have been primarily composed of other people who are also good at buildmart. Grian’s management style shouldn’t be paraded around as a cure-all for players that struggle with the game, because there’s no evidence it works for players that struggle. 

Like, don’t get me wrong, Grian’s certainly good at it, but he isn’t some magic force that can make players that struggle with buildmart do better. He’s just consistently ended up on teams with other people who are also pretty good at buildmart, which makes his management style look incredibly effective. The truth is most management styles work well when you use them with people who are already good at the task at hand.

If you look at his Buildmart win streak (MCC 16, 17, 18, 19) and the teams he was on, he’s had teams entirely composed of people in the top 15 rank for buildmart, with at least 2 people (counting him) in the top 10 for BM. The only exception was MCC 18, when he had Hbomb, Gem, & Niki as his team. Niki is the only player he’s had who struggles with bm, she’s at rank 22.6, and guess what? His team didn’t do well. They got 5th. It’s the only break in his win streak.

During Grian’s win streak, he’s never had to play BM with someone whose colorblind, or who has memorization/working memory issues (as far as I could tell). Let alone more than one person.

Now, again, I’m not saying Grian is bad at buildmart! He’s definitely good at it! He does his management and his comms well! What I’m saying is that people often paint him/his management style as a magic cure all. Way, WAY too often I see comments saying players that dislike/really struggle with buildmart just need to watch his VODs/be on a team with Grian.

The reality of the situation is that Grian’s good, but there’s no evidence his buildmart management style works well or “fixes” buildmart for players that struggle. The time he had a player that struggled with buildmart in his recent win streak (MCC 18), his team ended up in 5th. Grian’s good, but his wins have also been on teams composed of other people who don’t struggle with buildmart.

Maybe Grian is capable of taking a team that struggles with buildmart and managing it well enough to significantly reduce those struggles. We don’t know, because he’s never done it. I would be incredibly interested in seeing him attempt it; I think it’d be fascinating to give him a team of people that struggle and gauge the actual impact there, but like, it hasn’t been done. So please stop pretending that it has.

Anyways I guess the tl:dr here is; please stop saying teams / players that struggle with buildmart just need to use Grian’s management style or be on a team with him. It’s not some magic cure-all, there’s no evidence it works for players that struggle with buildmart. Management styles are not universal, and even the best management style can only do so much.

[noodyl-blasstal]

Monster mash 16 and Taako!

"I am not losing this bet, so I’m staying right here. And If I die in this haunted house, at least everyone will know I wasn’t a coward." From Monster Mash Prompts which you can find here. 

Thank you so much for this prompt - sorry that it’s essentially just a lot of stupid ideas in a trench coat.

______________

“Taako, just one more time, just to clarify, the reason you rang me at work, told me there was an emergency, asked me to bring the car, and to come straight away was because you needed a lift?” Kravitz leaned sulkily on the door frame, watching Lup and Barry gathering their bags of kit in the background.

“I’m gay Krav, I can’t drive.” Taako replied, rolling his eyes and shouldering his cooler. As if this was some kind of actual justification???

Lup snorted out a laugh, which she quickly turned to a cough as Taako wheeled to glare at her.

“Taako. Love of my life, man of my dreams,my betrothed, I have some news about my sexuality.” Kravitz was struggling to keep his tone even, but if he laughed he lost the argument.

“What do you mean, Krav?” Barry batted his eyelashes, face a picture of innocence.

“Krav… have, have you been lying to Taako?” Lup gasped. “How could you?”

Kravitz gave an exaggerated groan. He hated them, he loved them.

"Can I at least come in before I come out?"

"No!" They all chorused, moving towards the door.

"You can come out in the car, stud." Taako reassured him. 

“I hate you all. Where are we going?” Kravtiz didn’t mean to ask the second bit, it just popped out. Obviously he wasn’t driving them anywhere because he was going back to work.

“Ghost house.” They replied as one.

“Ghost house.” Kravitz repeated. So, an evening spent in the middle of nowhere while Lup delighted in scaring Barry, and, by extension, Taako. Perfect. “Are you doing another collab?”

“Lup bet this one was too scary for me.” Taako said. Kravitz wagered that Lup was probably right.

“Uh huh, so you…” Kravitz waited for the reply

“Designed a three course meal which is the perfect accompaniment to spooky boys.” Taako answered, grabbing Kravitz’s shoulder and pushing to turn him round. “Now stop stalling. It’s a few hours drive and we need to get the kit set up.”

“I didn’t agree to drive you anywhere.” Kravitz said as he was steered towards his car.

“Uh huh.” Taako passed him a cooler. His stupid traitor hands took it.

“I shouldn’t have left work.” Kravitz definitely shouldn’t have left work. Okay, so he’d put in loads of overtime lately, and his boss was his Mum, and when he’d said he needed to leave she’d rolled her eyes and told him to have a good weekend. But it wasn’t too late to go back to work… Kravitz opened the car.

“I should go back.” 

“Okey dokey bud.” Barry grinned placidly as he piled into the back of the car with his equipment.

“Sounds like a plan, Kraverino.” Said Lup, opening the passenger side door.

“I’ll miss you while I’m getting eaten by ghosts.” Taako said, ducking under Lup’s arm to claim the front seat as his own. “Flip wizard!” He added, flipping Lup off lazily when she huffed her disapproval.

Kravitz buckled his seatbelt, looked at the car full of the most irritating people he knew, and told Taako to put the address into the satnav. 

“So anyway, I’m gay.” He said, as they pulled away.

_____________________________________________________________

Once they’d jimmied their way through a loose side door, Taako had set up his gas stove in the kitchen and wrestled the oven back to life somehow. He laid out a beautiful cloth on the dining room table while Barry tinkered with the EMF gauge and Lup arranged the lights. Kravitz stayed back and handed out tape, drinks, and snacks. It had long been established that his best contribution to this part of any shoot was staying out of the way as much as possible.

They’d both filmed their intros and Lup and Barry had gone to tour the house while Taako prepped his ingredients, flirting with the camera while Kravitz pretended he wasn’t completely entranced watching his fiance perform so effortlessly - it never got old. Taako was chopping chocolate when the scraping noises started. He rolled his eyes hard at the camera and told them that Lup was up to her usual tricks. Kravitz was glad. Lup delighted in scaring Barry whenever they did this, and Taako always got suckered in too - no matter how much he said he didn’t believe in ghosts. It was all fun and games for Lup, but Krav was the one who had to go through ‘ghost proofing’ the house, sleeping with the lights on, sternly telling off the wind if it sounded too spooky, and making a salt line around the perimeters each night (while also trying to stop the cats eating it) for at least a week after the ‘haunting’. Lup could never know, Taako had sworn him to secrecy, and as much as Kravitz would love to just tell her to stop, he also loved that Taako let him in on this weakness, so the pattern would continue. So far though… so good. Maybe tonight would be better.

___________________________

“Okay, listen close and listen hard, Taako’s going to repeat this step twice for you: Wash. Your. Hands. What did I say Krav?” 

Kravitz rolls his eyes affectionately. Taako has recently started talking to him off-screen in his videos and it’s nice that he trusts him enough. Not that Kravitz would ever star in them - he was not a chef - but the last guy who’d worked with Taako and featured in them had been awful. Trusting Kravitz enough to involve him in the Taako brand (tee em tee em tee em) felt like a prize.

“Wash your hands!” Kravitz repeated with enthusiasm.

“Why do we do that?” Taako asks grinning. 

“So you don’t get chilli on your dick.” Kravitz knew the line well by now.

“So you don’t get chilli on your dick.” Taako intones seriously, and smirks at the camera. “Not that chaboy ever would, Taako knows better, but you all need reminding.”

Taako was most of the way through the spicy meatball starter (“...it’s not about any eyeball bullshit, Krav, it’s about the fact that if you don’t simmer it long enough the sauce is watery as fuck. Horrifying!”) when Lup and Barry reappeared. Lup immediately jumped into shot.

“Hope you’re all excited for some more Blair Witch Project style vlogging while Taako runs from the terrifying monsters. Turns out we’ve already got some dropping temperatures and spooky crackles upstairs! This one’s gonna be baller!” 

Taako bumped her out of frame with his hip and kept cooking. Lup dived back in to roll her eyes and throw up a peace sign, then scooted off to do more important ghost business. To be fair, it wasn’t usually until after the food that things got bad - an occupied Taako was not a spooked Taako. Given time to think though? That’s when things went wrong.

_______________________

“Now that the souffle is in, we have to kill some time. Let's go and help Lup and Barold check the spookometers. Although…” Taako took a moment to glare threateningly at the space around them. “...if any ghosts make too much noise they’ll ruin the rise and they won’t get to enjoy my cooking. The joke’s on them if they fuck it up.”

Kravitz still isn’t entirely sure how Taako got the oven working, or if it’s safe to leave it running, but it’s probably best that they’re further away if it explodes anyway.

___________________

“And that’s it. Three courses to enjoy with your life-challenged friends! Thank you for cooking along with me. Be sure to like and subscribe, and make sure you check out Lup and Barry’s channel too, Phantasmal Resplendent, link in the description box. This has been Sizzle It Up With Phantasms, thank you for watching!”

Taako wiggles his fingers, blows a kiss, and then, finally, shuts off the camera. 

“Okay Bones, we’re off the hook for content now! How shall we keep ourselves entertained?” He waggles his eyebrows alluringly and trails a hand up Kravitz’s arm.

“Taako, we’re in what’s apparently a murder house, your sister and Barold are upstairs, and it’s freezing.” Taako knows this, he just likes to make Kravitz play the reasonable one.

“I can think of some options for warming you up.” More eyebrow waggling.

“Taako! You absolutely have to behave.” Kravitz knows Taako’s just teasing, but he still feels a blush rising. This man will be the death of him. 

“Spoilsport.” Taako mutters, then jumps as a loud creaking noise comes from above them. “Shit. What was that?” Taako’s head snaps up towards the ceiling. Kravitz prepares himself for a long night of this and hopes that Lup is done fucking with Barry soon. Taako always ends up as collateral.

“It’s okay, just an old house. It’s probably settling.” Kravitz replies reassuringly. The loud, chilling laugh, followed by a scraping as if furniture was being dragged around somewhat ruined the calming effect.

“Nope.” Taako says simply, hitting the floor, and scooting under the tablecloth.

Kravitz crouched down, lifted the cloth, and looked in at Taako balled up underneath. “Do you want to go, love? I don’t mind. We can wait in the car? Or drive to that service station a bit back? Lup and Barry can just ring when they’re done.”

Taako shook his head emphatically. “Lup bet I couldn’t do this.” He muttered. Kravitz opened his mouth to tell him that it didn’t matter, but Taako cut him off. “Taako does not lose bets, so I’m staying right here, and you’re staying right here with me because I need you. If I die in this haunted house, at least everyone will know I wasn’t a coward. Now hold my hand.” Kravitz was going to marry this idiot so hard. He grabbed Taako’s hand, laced their fingers, and kissed his knuckles. Their linked hands made worming his way under the table to join Taako tricky, but it was worth it.

“It’s going to be alright, love.” Kravitz said, tucking Taako under his free arm, other hand still firmly linked. And it was alright, there was more creepy laughter, and the temperature just kept dropping, but although the table occasionally creaked the cloth didn’t lift. Kravitz hoped they could just stay here until Lup and Barry were done. Then they heard the scream. It wasn’t Barry’s, they knew Barry’s, that was a scream Kravitz had never heard before. Taako immediately stiffened and began to push Kravitz’s arm away. 

“It’s okay, love.” Kravitz tried to hug him closer.

“It’s fucking not.” Taako ducked under his arm and out from under the table. “Get off my sister, ghost bastards!” Taako yelled as he ran for the stairs.

Kravitz scrambled after Taako. He wasn’t sure he’d ever seen him move so quickly. There was a second scream and Taako ran even faster, taking the last few stairs two at a time and kicking open the door the noise seemed to be coming from. Kravitz desperaturely tried to focus on the matter at hand, but fuck that was hot.

He made it into the room just in time to see Taako flinging himself at Lup and tackling her to the ground, then springing back up in a low stance in front of her. Lup was pale and shaking, silent tears running down her face.

Then Kravitz saw Barry.

What was left of Barry.

Fuck, that was a lot of blood.

Kravitz fell to his knees beside the prone form - he might be used to working with corpses, but he knew how to recognise when someone wasn’t one yet. “Lup, what happened?” Kravitz waited a beat for her reply. None came. “You need to tell me so I can help him.”

“I, I don’t know… I was checking the temperature readings and I turned round and…” Lup tailed off.

Kravitz hunched over Barry, reaching to check his pulse, trying to ignore the cloying sweet smell of his blood.

The cloying sweet smell.

For fuck’s sake. Kravitz poked Barry’s ‘corpse’ hard in the cheek. Barry cracked open an eye and grinned up at him.

“He’s not dead.” Kravitz said, sitting back on his heels.

“Can you save him?” Taako asked hesitantly, he had slumped to the ground to wrap a comforting arm round Lup’s shoulders and looked equally as ashen.

“From Lup? Probably not.” Kravitz replied, rolling his eyes as Barry started laughing.

Lup’s head snapped up immediately and the fear was replaced with a look that Kravitz hoped he was never on the receiving end of. Taako let go just in time as Lup dived for Barry.

“I thought you were dead! You absolute fuck!”

Kravitz couldn’t tell if she was hugging him or trying to squeeze the life out of him for real. 

“Are you okay, love? That was a lot.” Kravitz reached out a hand to tug Taako up from the floor.

“Oh yeah, chaboy’s great. Just thought my sister was getting murdered and saw my best friend’s bloody corpse. Taako’s all good. All in a night’s work” Taako replied.

“Uh huh. So you don’t need a hug?” Kravitz asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Not while you’re covered in Barry’s…” Taako takes a moment to sniff Kravitz’s shirt, pokes the ‘blood’ with a finger and tentatively licks it. “... syrup? Barold! What the actual fuck? Everything’s going to be so sticky.” 

“Worth it!” Barry says happily, finally getting up. “That’s for all the times you got me. Don’t worry, I got the whole thing on camera.” 

Lup glares hard and dives for the tripod in the corner. “Already backed up online.” Barry’s shit eating grin doesn’t falter.

“It wasn’t because I thought it was a ghost.” Lup says.

“Yeah, sure Lup, of course.” Barry replies. 

“It was because you were hurt. I thought you were dead!” Lup’s voice was deadly serious, usual attitude gone. “I thought you were dead…” Her voice cracks.

Kravitz wonders if there’s a way for him to grab Taako and get out. Maybe she and Barry are finally going to have a conversation.

Taako clearly has the same thought and the two of them make for the door. Barry and Lup don’t look round.

“I hope they remembered to switch off the camera.” Taako stage whispers to Kravitz as they walk back down the stairs.

Kravitz huffs out a laugh. Safely downstairs he tugs Taako into a hug, despite the feigned disgust at Barry’s syrup. “You were so brave.” 

Taako grins up at him. “Obvi. Chaboy doesn’t scare easy.”  Kravitz decides it’s not the time to present any evidence to the contrary, and runs a hand up his back instead. “So, that thing with the door…”

[itsleese]

Tension | Matsukawa Issei X Reader (Haikyuu)

Warnings: 18+ College Au, Alcohol Use, Fingering, a pinch of Angst oops

if you know me, you know matsukawa issei does things to my brain, so let’s just post this and be done with it for today

part two || part three

The undeniable sexual tension between lazy genius Matsukawa Issei and you, a struggling honours student, is palpable. The way he manages to beat you by at least 2% with each assessment sends you crazy, frustration mounting with each class you find yourself sharing with him; the look he gives you when he tells you his score makes you want to gauge out his goddamn eyes, and the quirk of a smile when he brazenly asks if you need a tutor..?

Sends you to drink.

Your roommate makes you come to the party, assures you Matsukawa won’t be there— “his friend group will be in the city with Oikawa,” she gushes; whoever that is— so there’s no chance you’ll run into him.

You’re three drinks in, watching her play beer pong with the guy she likes, when a large hand grips your shoulder. Lips at your ear whisper your name, and a voice that haunts you, a tenor that usually makes you seethe with anger, buckles your knees.

“You’re not supposed to be here.” You challenge, glaring at him, before pointedly glancing away.

“But I heard you were here. How could I stay away?” Long, calloused fingers dust hair from your vision before pinching your chin, tilting it to the side, forcing you to look him in those deep eyes. “Come with me.”

And you do.

You’re not sure if it’s the alcohol, plain curiosity, or the fact that he doesn’t even ask, but you let him lace his fingers in yours, you let him lead you away from the loud, heart-thumping music you can feel in your throat, away from the safety of your roommate.

You follow him into a quiet room, hear the lock click, finish your drink and set the empty cup on the tallboy by the door; then, you will your heart to stop beating so fucking loud. 

“I knew you liked me.” He starts, and you hear his smirk before you see it.

“Awfully cocky of you to say, considering you left a party in the city to come find me.” You fold your arms, tilt your chin up to level with him.

He just grins, thick brows cocking in amusement. “Am I that transparent? I’m top of all our classes, you know.” He’s baiting you. Again.

“What do you want, Matsukawa?” You sigh, looking around the room as if you’ve got better things to do, as if you’re not slowly sobering up and losing your nerve.

His lazy eyes widen, smirk turns sarcastic. “Me? What do you want? You’re the one who followed me up here.”

“No,” you frown, edging back as he steps closer. “You dragged me here, I—”

“Isn’t it exhausting?” He asks, stepping back into your bubble, nimble fingers hooking into the belt-loops of your skirt, pulling your hips flush with his thighs. “Pretending you hate me, when, in reality, you want my big, fat, co—”

You attempt to push him away, before he can get too crude. “Wow, Matsukawa—”

“Shhh.” A hand snaps to your jaw, directs your eyes to his as his other hand holds your hip hostage. “Don’t lie to me, honour student.”

You stare at him for a bit, mind racing, heart thumping loudly, caught between wanting to run away or stay. If you weren’t so proud, you’d be on your knees in an instant, but that incessant nagging in the back of your brain reminds you he’s your rival. Either he wins, or you do; there’s no middle ground.

“You can call this... first session. With Matsukawa Sensei.” He breathes, voice a low rumble, eyes watching you as you overthink the situation.

Because really? Truthfully? You want him. You want him, but does he really want you? Aren’t you just another conquest to a guy like this?

“I’m not—” You take a breath and stop yourself, before you rattle off about your inexperience and embarrass yourself further. “I won’t fuck you.” You breathe against his lips as he closes the distance.

“But anything else is fair game?” The grumble of his voice is cocky, so you silence him with your lips.

Strong arms hoist you up, sit you on the chest of drawers, thick thighs pushing between your own, spreading you open as his tongue tastes yours, fingers digging into the flesh of your waist. It’s a breathtaking kiss, challenging, neither one of you wanting to concede defeat; he who needs oxygen is the loser, and you’re sick of losing to him.

He pulls away, knocks his forehead to yours. “You look pretty tonight,” he breathes, eyes dipping to your heaving chest, the top you’re wearing just low cut enough for him to see your cleavage from his vantage point. You’re about to argue, when he keeps going. “But that’s the annoying thing about you, isn’t it? You’re always pretty. Always so pretty with your hair, and your clothes, and your smile.”

Your mind positively blanks. Pretty? You?

“But you’re always so fucking stressed out,” fingers— thick and cold and bold— tuck beneath the cotton at your core, a groan vibrating in his chest as he gently tests your lips. “My friend’s heading overseas, and we were having a send off for him; but when I heard you were here, I ordered an Uber straight away.” He whispers lowly, lips at your ear. “Does that make me a bad friend?”

No. “Yes.”

He chuckles as you fist your hands in his shirt. “Still stressed, hm?”

“You’re— ah,” a finger slides inside slowly, your fluttering walls sucking on him, welcoming him, the sensation momentarily stupefying you. “You’re the reason I’m so stressed.” It’s meant to sound harsh and scolding, but your hands grip and pull at his shirt desperately, and the words escape you in a moan.

“Let me... relieve you of some of that stress, shall I?” Then he’s kissing you again, finger languidly exploring your cunt, the pad of his thumb slowly— so very slowly— pressing against and around your clit over the cotton; his other hand slides over your chest, tugging both your top and bra down to reveal a pebbled nipple, then he’s fondling you there, too, greedily swallowing your moans.

“Matsu—” Another finger joins the first and he speeds up, lips at your ear, your jaw, your chest. Your mind blurs, chest heaving, head smacking the wall behind you, moans and keens escaping your parted lips despite the prideful part of your mind begging you not to give him the satisfaction.

“Pretty doesn’t cut it, does it?” He asks breathily, standing tall to look down his nose at you. 

You can barely think, mind full of him; his expensive cologne, the feel of his hands on you, the knowledge that he’s intelligent and snarky and– by the press of something hard against your thigh– he wants you.

He slows his fingers, and you mewl straight away. “No, Matsu, please,” you whine, tears in your eyes, fisting his shirt more, pulling him even closer. “Faster–”

He complies with a groan, crashing his lips to yours, looping his free hand behind your head and holding you there, devouring you as he unravels you thrust by thrust. 

“You’re a fucking vision.” Your heart skips, and you feel your core clench, feel those first throes of orgasm begin to bubble beneath your skin. “Alluring,” he breathes against your skin as he kisses your collarbone. “Enticing,” your throat. “Bewitching,” the spot below your ear. “Addictive.” He licks the shell of your ear, sucks loudly on the lobe, and that orgasm hits you, head dropping to his shoulder as you hold him close and he helps you through it, pumping into you until the throbbing and clenching stops.

You’re about to say something— probably beg him to fuck you— but the door rattles, heavy fists banging against the flimsy wood. “Mattsun you little asshole!” It’s a man’s voice, and the offender keeps banging. “Get out here! I know you’re in there!”

“Fucking Makki,” he groans, pulling his hand from between your legs, keeping eye contact with you as he slides his fingers into his mouth. “Mm, you do like me.” He goads, grinding his cock against your thigh, rubbing a thumb over your now sensitive nipple. 

“G-get the door,” you stammer, embarrassed, pushing him away so you can fix your clothes and slide back to the floor.

He laughs as he heads to the door, watches you fix your clothes before he swings it open halfway. “Makki, what’s with all the noise?” He whines, leaning against the frame.

Makki pushes past him, and his narrowed eyes fall to you. “Abandoning your friends for some pussy? Mattsun, I thought we were past this.” He spits.

You immediately bristle, heart thumping painfully because you know. You know you’re just another notch in his bedpost, just another stupid girl seduced by those eyes, smooth words, calloused fingers.

Matsukawa says something in your defense, but your feet are already moving. Fight or flight enabled, tears in your eyes despite how hard you’re trying to hold it all in. 

He calls your name, grabs your arm, but you send him a deadly glare and tear it back. “Goodnight, Matsukawa.” You bite, begging your lip to stop trembling. 

The look he gives you only adds to the tightness spreading in your chest, so you hightail it outta there, not even bothering to let your roommate know you’re heading home.

It’s not until you’re sitting in the back of the Uber, overanalyzing everything he said and did to you– with you– that you realize you’re in deeper than you thought. That you actually really like him.

“Fuck,” you sob, wiping at tears with wet fingertips. Looks like he wins. 

Again. 

[etherrreal]

“5:00am”

Pairing: ushijima x reader Genre: fluff Summary: looking back, you’re not sure what made you think that jogging with ushijima would end in anything but complete and utter disaster, but it’s too late to go back now WC: 5k Warnings: brief mentions of non-serious injury, a little blood, implied smut, too many paragraphs about ushijima’s hands A/N: first fic gang! this was supposed to be like 500 words but as the blog title suggests, i’m a liar -Dawn

You’re not sure what possesses you to go jogging with Ushijima at the ungodly hour of 5AM –and on a Saturday, no less– but here you are, tugging a windbreaker over your tank top and leggings while he waits for you by the door.

Most of it, you’re sure, is just because you miss him. The two of you have been so busy lately –you with your new job, him with the whole professional volleyball thing– so this is the first weekend in a while that you’ll actually be spending together.

It’s only natural that you want to spend as much time as possible with your boyfriend before your respective commitments are back to pulling you both in opposite directions, as they have more times than you’d like to admit in the past four months you’ve been dating.

Or maybe 5AM-you, lacking caffeine, sleep, and any sense of real judgment, is just losing your mind.

Ushijima certainly seems to think so, if the look he gives you when you volunteer to accompany him on his routine morning jog is any indication. He’s far from the most expressive person you’ve ever dated, but you’ve been with him long enough to register the surprise on his features; the way his pretty olive eyes widen a fraction and the way he pauses to watch you, like he’s trying to gauge how serious you are.

“What?” you ask as you join him by the door, removing your slippers.

He raises an eyebrow at you. “You hate running.”

“Running? Absolutely. Jogging, however, I think I can handle, especially if it’s with my handsome boyfriend who I haven’t spent nearly enough time with lately.”

With your slippers out of the way, you move to reach for your sneakers next. A quick glance in his direction confirms that he’s still giving you that same bewildered look, a crease forming between his eyebrows. It makes you falter as you pick up your sneakers, wondering if you’ve made a mistake.

Now that you think about it, he does usually jog on his own. The two of you are no strangers to working out together –if him doing push-ups with you perched comfortably on his back counts as working out– but you’ve never actually joined him on a morning run before.

Is this something he prefers to do alone? Are you overstepping his boundaries by inviting yourself along before checking to see if it was okay? Suddenly, you find yourself wishing you would’ve asked first.

“Do you...not want me to go with you? Because if you’d prefer to go alone, that’s totally fine, I’ll just–”

He catches your wrist before you can put your sneakers back down, and the rest of your sentence is lost somewhere between the fingertips he presses against your skin and the other hand he uses to lift yours.

It’s almost criminal, you think, the way a single touch from him is enough to completely derail your train of thought, whatever you were babbling about suddenly the furthest thing from your mind. You think you shouldn’t be as phased by it by now, not after all the time you’ve spent together, but no such luck.

Really, it’s his hands that are the problem, now that you think about it. His hands, steady and calloused and strong, but still so undeniably gentle and patient when it comes to you.

It’s hard to pick your favorite feature of Ushijima’s when he looks the way he does –all tanned skin, broad shoulders, and chiseled abs– but his hands are pretty high up on your list. They have been from the moment you met him at Iwaizumi’s housewarming party last year.

You had obviously seen him before, though you never actually spoke to him until the party. It was mostly during high school volleyball matches between Aoba Johsai and Shiratorizawa, courtesy of your childhood friendship with Oikawa and Iwaizumi.

You remember spotting Ushijima and thinking he looked so serious and unapproachable, even more imposing than he did in the photos of him featured in that Monthly Volleyball magazine you used to watch Oikawa vandalize with ridiculous-looking mustaches and devil horns.

When you saw Ushijima at Iwaizumi’s party, he still looked serious, not to mention larger and even more intimidating in person, but his hands were warm and kinder than you were expecting, careful in the way they wrapped around yours when he introduced himself. It was only hours later when those same hands reached for yours again to help you off the couch that you realized you spent the whole night with him.

Now, months later, you’re standing with him in his stupidly expensive apartment, half-panicked that you might’ve overestimated his desire to spend time with you. But Ushijima’s hands are still steady and warm against your skin, even now, reassuring in a way you don’t think you’ll ever get tired of.

“I’d love it if you joined me,” he says, pressing a soft kiss to the back of your hand, and if you weren’t smiling before, then you definitely are now.

You pull on his hand to tug him down towards you, a request that he silently obliges. You perch on your toes to reach him and deliver a chaste kiss to his lips, smiling against his mouth. When you pull away to look at him, you find him smiling, too, in that soft and subtle way of his that you’re so glad he’s chosen to share with you.

“Just promise me you’ll be careful,” he adds. “We’ll be running for a while, and I don’t want you to get hurt. You’re clumsier than most.”

Sadly, he’s not wrong. You are pretty clumsy, almost cartoonishly so. He’s watched you bang your leg on his dining room table practically every time you pass it, heard you curse to yourself after accidentally knocking down every item in his shower. At this point, holding your arm in his is as natural to him as breathing, just so he’s there to keep you from tripping over your own two feet.

And while you definitely appreciate the concern, you don’t think it’s entirely necessary, at least not for this. Sure, you have a bad habit of falling on your ass more often than not, but you’re also able to do so without sustaining any major injuries. You’re confident this time will be no different.

Besides, it’s just one jog. You’ll survive, even if your muscles might hate you for it later. Still, you know he worries about you, which is why you reach up to give him another quick kiss.

“Deal,” you assure him once you pull away. Then, you grin, voice taking on a more teasing edge as you look up at him. “As long as you promise not to be embarrassed when I leave you in the dust. You know, since I’m just so naturally athletic.”

Ushijima’s never been the best at detecting sarcasm, but with you, like so many other things, it’s different. He can tell you’re joking by the way you giggle and wink at him, and when he huffs out a quiet laugh, you smile and sit down to put on your sneakers.

He surprises you when he kneels to tie them for you before you get the chance to do it yourself.

“Careful, Wakatoshi,” you warn him, not for the first time. “If you keep being so sweet to me, you’ll never be able to get rid of me. You might just be stuck with me forever.”

“That’s fine,” he says, like he’s already considered the consequences before and has chosen to accept them. “You’re the only one I can imagine being with for that long, anyway.”

He moves on to tie the laces on your second sneaker, taking zero responsibility for the way his words make your heart flutter in your chest. He always does this: says stupidly romantic things with barely any prompting and absolutely no consideration or even awareness of the effect they have on you.

His voice doesn’t change when he says them, either. He uses the same blunt tone he always does, like it’s a simple fact, like he’s asking you to pass him his phone charger instead of alluding to a potential future with you.

It just makes you fall that much more in love with him.

Not that you’ve actually told him yet. You’re still waiting for the right moment. You wonder if maybe this might be it, but then he stands up and turns away from you to open the door and the opportunity is gone.

Maybe that’s for the best. This morning, you decide that you can handle jogging with your pro-athlete boyfriend or confessing your love for him, not both. The latter will just have to wait for dinner tonight, assuming you make it back in one piece and your legs don’t just fall off from the sudden exercise.

You stand up and follow him out the door.

Ushijima insists you both take the time to stretch before you actually start running, so you spend a few minutes doing so in the empty lobby. You pretend to struggle with a few of them, just so you’ll have an excuse to have his hands on you.

You’re almost positive he sees through your little ruse, if the amused look he gives you is any indication, but he doesn’t complain, guiding his hands over your body to help you bend and stretch like he can’t see the grin on your face.

Once you’re all warmed up, you’re ready to start jogging. You follow behind him as he leads you along his usual path down the block, the streets noticeably empty, save for the occasional passing car.

You know the only reason you’re able to keep up with him is because he’s slowing down for you, but you don’t let it bother you. He’s a professional athlete, after all, and you’re the kind of person who doesn’t even like to run to catch the bus, so it’s to be expected. Still, you give it your all, remembering to keep your breathing steady just like he taught you.

And you have to admit, your aversion to any sort of cardio aside, jogging with Ushijima is actually kind of fun.

For the first five minutes, at least.

Then it all goes to shit.

You’re not sure how it happens, either. One moment, everything is great. Sure, you’re already feeling a little sweaty, and maybe your lungs are screaming at you just a tiny bit –the price of inactivity, and all that– but you power through it because, in the words of so many great orators before you, mama ain’t raise no bitch.

But then you trip on something –a pothole in the street, your own foot, who the hell knows– and suddenly you’re wiping out for the entire world –or maybe just your boyfriend and that one stray cat you passed, which is still pretty embarrassing– to see.

Ushijima’s quite a few feet ahead of you now, because as much as he tried to slow down for you in the beginning, you figure he just can’t help but speed up a bit. He’s not the type to do anything half-assed, not even a casual morning jog. You’re almost grateful for it in a way, because it means he doesn’t actually see you trip and stumble like a baby deer learning to walk for the first time.

He does, however, hear the yelp that escapes your throat, making him glance over his shoulder just in time to see you fall forward. He runs back towards you, but he’s too far to reach you in time, and your knees hit the pavement hard, your hands shooting out to catch yourself as best as you can.

You don’t even have to look to know that the skin on both your knees and your palms is scraped up. There’s also a shooting pain that starts at your ankle and darts right up your leg, reassuring you that you most definitely stepped on it wrong.

Ushijima is by your side in an instant, normally stoic face scrunched up with worry. He helps you twist yourself into a more comfortable position on the sidewalk, though it does little to ease your embarrassment or your annoyance with your own incoordination.

“I’m okay,” you try to reassure him, but that’s not entirely the truth. Your palms are stinging and your ankle is throbbing, not to mention the fact that your knees currently resemble a cat’s scratching post. “It’s not as bad as it looks.”

The look he gives you is doubtful, and you know for a fact he doesn’t believe you at all. “You’re bleeding.”

And holy crap, you are. It shouldn’t be a surprise to you, since you felt the entire thing, but the sight of the blood on your knees and palms still stuns you a bit.

“Come on.” He wraps his arms around you, pulling you up with ease you would normally marvel at if it didn’t make you feel so pathetic. “We’re going back. I’ll be able to treat your wounds and take a better look at your ankle.”

“Whaa– but we’ve barely even started jogging!” you protest, pouting despite the stinging of your cuts. “I told you that I’m fine, Toshi. I can still walk–”

You try to put pressure on the ankle you rolled and immediately wince. You almost stumble forward again, but this time Ushijima is there to catch you, holding you against him with his arms around your waist.

“No, you can’t. You need to treat your injuries, so stop being stubborn and let me help you. We’re going back.”

You bite the inside of your cheek, eyebrows drawing together in frustration –mostly at yourself– but stubborn as you are, you know he’s right. There’s no arguing your way out of this one, not that he would listen to you in the first place. He’s always been protective of you, which means he won’t be budging on this.

You heave a defeated sigh but nod at him anyway, relenting. He helps you hobble along with your arm around his shoulders and his arm around your waist for a few steps before he seems to think better of it.

In one fluid motion, he’s picking you up in his arms, holding you bridal style against his chest. And while normally his arms are one of your favorite places to be, the fact that he has to carry you like this all because you’re an idiot who can’t watch where you’re going is doing nothing to ease your already damaged pride.

You try to convince him to put you down and let you walk on your own, but unsurprisingly, he doesn’t agree. Your face, which is already warm with embarrassment, just seems to heat up even more. Your mortification only increases when you spot his apartment building a few streets later.

God, the two of you were running for what, maybe five minutes? Six? And now you’re already back home? Talk about embarrassing. And right after you promised him to be careful, too.

The fact that the pothole –which you are now deciding to blame for your fall, because you don’t think your ego can handle anything else– had the audacity to trip you and then not immediately swallow you whole to save you this embarrassment is honestly disrespectful, at this point.

Ushijima was right earlier. You do hate running. And you hate yourself even more for believing that jogging at any hour –least of all 5AM– would end in anything other than complete and utter disaster.

Your only consolation is that it’s so early, chances are that no one else saw you trip and almost eat shit in the middle of the street. It’s the little victories that count, you suppose, though you might just have to burn this outfit later to rid yourself of the reminder. You’re not sure how you’re ever going to live this one down.

Thankfully, the universe seems to take some pity on you, since you don’t pass any of Ushijima’s neighbors in the lobby. He maneuvers you into the apartment, managing to close the door behind him and remove his sneakers without putting you down.

When he does finally let you go, it’s to place you delicately on his bed. He disappears from the room and returns a moment later with a first aid kit and an ice pack, while you flop defeatedly onto your back against his pillows, pouting.

“I can’t believe I actually fell.” You groan, throwing an arm over your eyes. You feel the bed dip beneath his weight as he sits beside you, but you still don’t move. “The one time I willingly decide to run, and this is what happens. We didn’t even make it past the supermarket!”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself. It could’ve happened to anyone,” he says, opening the first aid kit. His voice is as straightforward as ever, but you know he’s trying to comfort you in his own way. “Besides, it could’ve been a lot worse.”

“Worse than twisting my ankle and making a fool of myself five minutes in?” You shift to prop yourself up on your elbows and raise an eyebrow at him. “How?”

“You could’ve twisted your ankle and made a fool of yourself two minutes in instead.”

The bluntness of his response makes you snort, cracking a half-smile as you push yourself to sit up fully. “Good point.”

You watch as he gets to work, mesmerized by how careful he is with you. He takes your palms in his hands, wiping away the blood gently and cleaning the small scratches it reveals. The scrapes on your knees, which he moves to next, sting more, but he moves slowly enough that it doesn’t overwhelm you. He’s always taken such good care of you, and this time is no different.

After all of your scrapes are covered, he examines your ankle, which is unsurprisingly the worst of your injuries. When he helps you tug your sneaker and sock off, you can both see it’s already swelling.

It’s not broken, he assures you, but it is lightly sprained. You’ll need to rest and compress it until you’re ready to walk on it again, but the ice should help with the swelling. He lifts your ankle on top of a few pillows to keep it elevated, covering it with the ice pack.

He moves higher up on the bed to sit beside you against the headboard, searching your face for any signs of discomfort. “How does that feel?”

“It still hurts, but it’s not as bad as before,” you answer. “Honestly, I think my pride is more damaged than anything else.”

You lean back against the pillows propped up on his headboard and sigh, unable to stop the guilty frown tugging at your lips. As grateful as you are for his help, you also feel really bad that he had to stop and take care of you at all.

If you hadn’t insisted on joining him on his run, then none of this would’ve happened. You would still have two normal-sized ankles, and he would be able to finish his run without having to worry about you and your chronic clumsiness.

“I’m sorry I ruined our jog,” you find yourself apologizing, fiddling with the hem of your shirt guiltily. “It was supposed to be cute and fun, but all I did was screw it up. I’m sorry you had to come back to take care of me.”

Ushijima shakes his head. “Taking care of you isn’t a burden. There’s no need for you to apologize.”

His hands reach for yours, large enough to engulf your own as he turns them over. His eyes follow the path his fingertips trace lightly over the band-aids covering the scratches on your palms. “If I hadn’t gone on ahead of you–”

You press a hand against his chest to stop him, his eyes flickering back up to meet your own.

As endearing as his concern is, he’s not the one at fault here. You don’t think anyone is, really, except for maybe that damned pothole you may or may not have tripped on. More importantly, you don’t want him to blame himself for this.

“Nuh-uh, nope, none of that. I’m the one who tripped, remember? It’s not your fault I suck at running. Or any kind of physical activity, actually.”

You pause, tilting your head thoughtfully as you mull over your own words. He watches the mischievous smile he’s learned to love appear on your face, hears the teasing edge seeping into your tone as you lower your voice just a bit.

“Except maybe the one that involves you railing me into the mattress,” you add with a smirk, playful and just shameless enough in a way that never fails to draw him in even more. “That one, I don’t mind, for obvious reasons.”

He sighs, though your words don’t surprise him. “I really wish you wouldn’t word it that way.”

“Too late~”

You’re practically singing as you grin at him, grabbing his chin and bringing his face closer to yours.

He mutters something about you having a one track mind, but you don’t miss the amusement in his eyes or the fond little smile he casts in your direction. He doesn’t stop you from pulling him in either, allowing you to rest your other hand on the side of his face.

“Thank you for taking such good care of me, Wakatoshi.”

You meet him halfway for a loving kiss that you hope is enough to express your gratitude, one he doesn’t hesitate to return. When you break apart, he rests his forehead against yours.

And right when you think you can’t possibly love him anymore, he promises quietly, sincerely, “Always.”

As usual, he gives you no time to recover. He kisses you on the forehead and then stands up, announcing that there’s something else he needs to go grab before leaving the room.

Honestly, you’re hoping it’s food. You’re starving, and after all of this morning’s excitement* (see also: trauma), there’s nothing more you want than to cuddle up alongside your boyfriend while enjoying a plate of your favorite breakfast food.

To your surprise –and slight disappointment– when Ushijima returns, it’s not with food or anything else to treat your injuries, but rather with a set of keys. He sits beside you again, opening his palm to offer them to you.

“Well, those aren’t pancakes.” You take the keys anyway, twirling the ring around one of your fingers before raising an eyebrow at him. “Are these what I think they are?”

“The keys to my apartment,” he confirms. “I want you to move in with me.”

Your eyes widen. It’s not the last thing you expected him to ask you when he offered you the keys, but it’s definitely not the first one either.

When he first held them out to you, you thought maybe he was just giving you a copy of your own to hold onto, just in case you ever needed them. You’ve thought about offering him the same a few times before, just so he could let himself into your own apartment whenever he comes over instead of you having to get up and open the door for him.

But that’s not what’s happening here. It looks like Ushijima’s chosen to skip the exchanging apartment keys step entirely in favor of just straight up asking you to move in with him. And while part of you is thrilled by it, your heart hammering in your chest with excitement at the prospect of getting to wake up next to him every day, of getting to come home to him, there’s another part of you that’s wondering if maybe you’re moving too fast.

It’s not that you don’t trust him, or that you doubt how much he cares for you, because you don’t. Your previous partners couldn’t even spell commitment, much less agree to it, but Ushijima’s not like them.

He told you, not too long after the first few times you went out together, that he doesn’t believe in dating casually or wasting his time. If he’s with someone, it’s because he sees a future with them. Hearing that was a bit intimidating at first, but it was also extraordinarily refreshing.

Asking you to move in with him, you know, is just another step towards that future. And while the idea excites you, making you feel more secure and adored than in any of your past relationships, there’s a part of you that’s still a bit hesitant.

After all, what sets you and Ushijima apart –more than your senses of humor, more than your completely different levels of athletic ability, as evidenced by the ice pack and bandages you’re currently sporting– is the fact that you, unlike him, often get caught up in the “what-if’s” of a situation. Whenever you have to make a decision, you psych yourself out by imagining every little thing that could possibly go wrong.

He calls your name, tearing you from your thoughts. He’s looking at you like he already knows what you’re thinking, like he can see the tangle of anxiety you feel nestling into your bones. Maybe that’s why he reaches out to take the hand that’s not holding his keys, lacing your fingers together.

“Are you okay?” he asks. “You haven’t said anything.”

“I know, I know, I’m just...processing.” You give his hand a quick squeeze, moving the keys around in your other palm. “How long have you been thinking about this?”

“Since my last away game.” He answers right away like he doesn’t have to think about it, like he just knows. Not for the first time, you find yourself envying his conviction. “I went straight to your apartment from the airport, and you were already there, waiting. I realized how much I liked the idea of getting to come home to you, and vice versa. I’ve been waiting for the right time to ask you to move in since then.”

“Wakatoshi, that was last month. You’ve known since back then?” You stare at him with wide, wondering eyes, your cheeks already warming at the implication, growing even warmer when he nods. “And you don’t think it’s too soon? You’re not the least bit hesitant about living with me?”

“Hesitation is only necessary for those who are unsure of their desires. I know what I want, and that’s you, if you’ll have me.”

If you’ll have me. He says it like it’s easy. Like he’s already yours, to love and to be loved by.

And he is, you realize. He has been for a while, just like you have. You knew you were in love with him this morning, and you’ve known it for weeks before that, too. You just weren’t sure when or how to bring it up, but now you are.

“I’d like that. I like you– wait, that’s not right.” You release his hand, and he stares at you in confusion, the corner of his mouth curving downward. You’re quick to smooth it away with your thumb, your eyes earnest and full of affection as you correct yourself, “I love you, Wakatoshi.”

The confusion in his eyes quickly transforms into surprise. You’re not sure what stuns him more: your confession itself, or the confident, doubtless way you say it. You smile at him and take his face into your hands, careful to move his keys so they don’t scratch him.

“I’ve known it for a while. I just wasn’t sure when to bring it up, but now I am. I don’t expect you to say it back unless you’re ready, but–”

“I love you,” he says confidently, unwaveringly, and now it’s your turn to be stunned.

You blink, taken aback for a few seconds before your lips begin curving into a goofy smile. “Really?”

He hums affirmatively, and after that you can’t do anything besides kiss him. He’s quick to return the gesture, moving his mouth against yours and winding one arm around your waist to pull you closer. He pulls back from you right when you’re about to deepen the kiss. You try to pout, but it’s hard to do so when you feel as giddy and over the moon as you do now.

“Does this mean you’ll be moving in with me?”

“Of course.” You beam at him. “I’d love to move in with you, Wakatoshi.”

He smiles, his arm moving up to wrap around your shoulders, and your own smile grows brighter as you lean into him, cuddling against his side and resting your head against his chest. Things between you are quiet for a few moments, both of you basking in the comfortable silence.

You’re shifting his keys in your hand when a thought occurs to you, and you can’t help the laugh that escapes your chest.

“So this is why you let me go running with you this morning,” you tease. “You knew that if I did injure myself, that would just make it harder for me to leave, so I’d have no choice but to say yes to moving in. How sneaky of you.”

“You volunteered to join me–”

“I know, Toshi, I’m just kidding.” You grin, tilting your head to look up at him. “So, what do you say we go make some breakfast in your kitchen? I’m starving.”

“Our kitchen now,” he corrects, and your heart flutters in your chest for what must be the tenth time in the hour or so you’ve been awake this morning. It can’t be healthy for you. “And I’ll be the one making breakfast. You stay here and rest that ankle.”

He kisses your forehead and stands up to head into the kitchen. You frown at the loss of his warmth, but another look at the keys in your hand has you smiling again.

Maybe jogging isn’t so bad after all.

Written by: Dawn

[buck-yyyy]

y’all i need some advice, but this kinda turned into a whole rant- tldr at the end :/

im so fucking sick of not being able to interpret social cues. i just spent 20+ minutes talking about history with my mom while we drove home, with other people in the car, and i thought she was having a nice time because i was doing really good with letting the conversation not be too heavy on my side (i have issues with getting too lecture-y and not letting people talk when i talk about things i love) and she was being active in the conversation and it seemed like she was genuinely enjoying it. we get out of the car, and my cousin went ‘ugh, *name*, no more talking about history’, to which i responded ‘you weren’t even a part of the conversation??’ and my mom just turned to her and said in the most infantilizing possible voice, ‘she [me] really loves history, you can just let her talk about it’, implying that she was just listening to me because she had to and not because she actually cared about the conversation. the second she said it i started tearing up and now i’m hiding in the bathroom because i don’t want to see anyone else right now.

i just- i don’t pick up on that stuff like other people do, and i don’t know why. i can rarely tell the difference between when people are actually interested in what i’m saying versus just pretending to be. and i hate it. i hate it so much.

it’s not even just in that kind of scenario that i struggle with this shit. it took me MONTHS after i left eighth grade to realize that my friends from middle school didn’t really like me all that much and just let me hang around because they had to, even when none of them made any effort to talk to me. they made fun of my interests all the time, unless they benefitted them (i used to bake and bring them the treats because no one in my house would eat them).

i can’t pick up on masked sarcasm. when it’s blatant, i get it, and i get most jokes and stuff, but anytime someone is subtlety sarcastic, i’m the only one who doesn’t get it and then get weird looks when i ask what they meant.

it’s practically impossible for me to gauge people’s real interest in what i’m saying. i can’t stop myself from infodumping about the stuff i love. all this stuff, that’s so easy for everyone else, is SO HARD for me, and i don’t understand WHY.

i’m so sick of social rules and expectations. as a kid, i was taught that even if you’re not interested in what people have to say, you need to listen, because it’s clearly important to them- no one follows that, and i frequently get ignored or talked over because no one gives a shot about my interests. why car we taught this shit if no one is going to actually do it? we have to make eye contact with people for them to trust us, but it doesn’t MEAN anything, so what’s the fucking point?

i just feel so different than everyone around me.

i feel like i process and experience emotions differently than everyone else- i don’t get sad like my mom does when people die that other people know, even though i feel so bad about feeling nothing, especially because i get such strong, uncontrollable emotional reactions to stuff that doesn’t fucking matter to everyone else (stranger things is a really good example. i cried four times during volume two, sobbed the whole way to dinner because i was so distraught over everything, has zero appetite and almost relapsed with something all because of a a fucking tv show).

stuff like certain sounds makes my brain go absolutely haywire, and i get both an emotional AND physical reaction to it- if someone blows a raspberry with their tongue, my whole mouth feels gross and tingly and i get irrationally upset.

i get so fixated on stuff, and no one else around me is like that. my entire life, i’ve had such intense interests in the stuff that i like that i can’t think about ANYTHING else for weeks, months, sometimes even a year- but then it’ll fizzle away in less than a week and i won’t even want to touch it. i can’t consume media the same way other people do, i can’t hold an interest for an extended period of time, and while i love how intense my love for these things is, it really sucks to have it be completely uncontrollable.

i just don’t understand why i don’t get this stuff, why i feel so different than everyone around me, why i process things so differently. if anyone has advice, or feels the same, please let me know- i feel so fucking alone in this.

tldr: i can’t pick up on social cues like everyone else can, and i don’t understand why. i process and experience my emotions so differently than everyone else around me, my interests are on a completely different wavelength than anyone else, and i feel so different than everyone else, like i’m a completely different species. i hate it and i don’t get why. if anyone has advice or feels the same, it would mean the world to me if you could share :/

[tinisprout]

A Kiss to Remember

Pairing: Hyunjae x gn!Reader

Genre: Fluff, mutual pinning

Warnings: profanities like a lot, alcohol consumption, jokes of killing

Word count: 2.4k

Summary: After a kiss you spend a month of trying to figure out your own feeling you come to the conclusion that you like Hyunjae. You wonder how to deal with these feelings, especially when he doesn't feel that way about you, at least that's what you think.

a/n: Happy birthday Hyunjae Im a little late y'all don't mind that.

When you have been friends for so long is it better to just stay as such? Should I just bury these budding feelings before, it becomes something I can’t handle? I look at my hand, the one that casually reached out to him and had been reached out to by him many times before. It was only recently that holding him like that made my heart tickle. After today there is no denying my feelings, I like Hyunjae.

“So do I just cut them off or…,” I bite my lip struggling with a decision. How would I even go about stopping these feelings?! “Ugh, why does he suddenly have to be so appealing.” around a month ago after one of our nights out drinking, we somehow ended up making out. Sure we always lightly flirted with each other, but that’s just how we are, nothing was ever taken seriously like there was a line we knew that shouldn’t be crossed.

That night it was crossed, but I’m the only one that has any recollection of it happening. Hyunjae remembers nothing of that night and I’m left to deal with these complicated feelings. I didn’t tell him cause, whatever, it’s not like we have feelings for each other anyways. It’s just something that happened, I don’t have to make a big deal of it. That’s what I thought at first, then I noticed how my eyes started to linger on him.

For this past month, I’ve been trying to gauge these feelings for him, to say I like him after one measly kiss is too much. Now I know for sure, but what do I do now? How he acts towards me now is no different from how he’s always treated me, so it’s not like he looks at me in that way.

“No, this is not what I should be thinking about right now! I have to get ready, gotta go soon.”

Hyunjae’s birthday party is tonight, I can’t make today about me. I’ll just act like normal today, he’ll never know the difference.

***

Walking into the designated lounge room for Hyunjae’s party I was greeted by a few familiar faces and some unfamiliar. I was given a wave and nod by some of my friends before almost being knocked off my feet.

“Y/N! You’re finally here, I’ve been waiting for you!” Hyunjae throws himself into my arms giving me a tight squeeze. I freeze up and then remind myself that I should act naturally.

“And a hello to you too. Drunk already I see birthday boy,” I say tapping his back with one hand trying to not get too close. Jacob comes up offering a smile in greeting and I smile back.

“You need to control yourself,” Jacob says then pulling Hyunjae off me falling into his arms, and I thank him with a nod. Hyunjae struggles in Jacob’s hold wanting to break free, then Jacob whispers something in Hyunjae’s ears and he stops struggling, instead, slumping in his arms letting himself be dragged away back to his seat. Looking back to the rest of the table I see my best friend Sunwoo waving me over the free spot next to him. I take a seat and Sunwoo pulls me in giving me a side hug and I reciprocate, doing the same.

“So you want to tell me what that was all about?” He leans in whispering to me.

“What are you talking about?”

“Seriously? I saw the way you blushed like a schoolgirl that was told they are cute by their crush when Hyunjae hugged you.”

“No way!” In shock, I pull away from Sunwoo rubbing at my forehead. I pretend I don’t see the eyes of everyone else go to me at my outburst, and get closer to Sunwoo, whispering again. “Was I that obvious?”

“So you’re admitting that there was something going on there?” He gives a sly smirk and I realize I’ve been had.

“You’re the worst.”

“Yeah yeah, but why am I only hearing about this today?”

“Because I’ve only acknowledged it myself today.”

“Acknowledged it? Just how long have I been out of the loop and does that mean that the two of you are…?” He trailed off letting me fill in the blank.

“Nothing. This is all just one-sided, he should have no idea.”

“You’re fucking kidding me right?”

“What?” Sunwoo sighs at my words and wraps his arms around my shoulder again.

“I’m your bestie, right? I’m also Hyunjae’s friend, correct?”

“Yes, and?”

“Exactly. Now, look at Hyunjae. If anyone else was in my position with you, he would not be looking at us, like a sad frog, but glaring at the person in my place. You get it?” Hyunjae did have his stupid-looking frog face on display, but no, that probably cause he was reprimanded by Jacob.

“No, Hyunjae doesn’t see me like that.”

“Sure maybe at the start of your friendship he didn’t, but the way I see it is, there is a -2% chance that he doesn’t see you that way.”

“And the way I see it is that I shouldn’t even be thinking about this tonight. I just want to get through tonight without a problem, have some fun. I can figure out everything else later.”

"Okay, whatever. My friends are a bunch of oblivious morons." He mumbles the last part knowing damn well I can still hear him.

"Say that again mother fucker. I'll kill you.” I playfully shove Sunwoo and he pretends to be hurt.

“Yo chill!” The both of us laugh out loud and then there is the slamming of shot glasses by the two of us. I turn to see it was Hyunjae, he looks at me with a pout but doesn’t say anything.

“There is a drinking rule. Every time someone joins the party we gotta take a shot,” Jacob explains in Hyunjae’s place.

“Oh, so that’s why he is already smashed.” There was still a deal more empty seats left… is Hyunjae going to survive tonight? Everyone pours themselves a drink, the ones that got here were first looking a little sick while the rest of us were fine, we all down the drinks. The night continues with good vibes, till the last guest arrives with a plus one. Both are unfamiliar faces to me.

“Sorry I’m late, Hyunjae. Also thanks for letting me bring my sister, she really wanted to meet my friends.” The man and his sister wish Hyunjae a happy birthday and take the only seats left available which just so happened to be next to the birthday man himself. With the arrival of two new guests, everyone takes the mandatory shot. I could feel a little more than a buzz, but overall still fine.

The conversation was flowing as normal as everyone was having a good time. A few more drinks in when everyone was a little drunker, open, and comfortable things got a little more handsy. Whatever that’s what people do when they’re drunk, but I couldn’t notice just how handsy that new girl was getting with Hyunjae.

“Good lord, Y/N. Are you trying to kill her with your eyes?” Snapping out of it, I look to sunwoo how was laughing his ass off.

“I might be,” getting mad at myself for the silly words, I rub roughly at my forehead. “So stupid. I don’t have any right to be mad. He isn’t my boyfriend or anything.” The girl tries to casually grab for Hyunjae’s hand and I quickly look up groaning, “That should be me.”

“Damn, you’re down bad.”

“You’re right!” I pour myself another drink, downing it as fast as I can. “I hope I get so shwasted that I forget everything!”

“I take no responsibility for whatever happens tonight, but hell yeah!” Sunwoo takes another shot. The night continues smoothly and everything is jovial except for every time I see her take an advance toward Hyunjae. The party started to slow down and eventually, everyone came to the decision that they could handle no more, so that party came to an end after a few good hours of drinking. After everyone except Hyunjae split the bill, one by one the people started leaving the lounge.

“Jacob I require your assistance home!” Sunwoo shouts to his friend and neighbor. Jacob nods, ready to leave, getting drunk was never his favorite thing. Sunwoo gets up slinging his arm around Jacob for support, and the two boys say goodbye to their friends. “Get home safe loser and get some dick while you’re at it.”

“Fuck off!” Sunwoo laughs as he walks away with Jacob. Only me, the brother-sister pair, and Hyunjae were left. I sure as hell wasn’t about to leave while they were still here, I want to hang out more. The brother as if hearing my wish says it’s time they head home.

The two get up to leave and the girl looks visibly sad while I do a little dance in my head. I walk up to Hyunjae and he looks at me then stands up like he was waiting for me. When I hear them walk out the door I can feel a smile grow on my face. Finally, no more people.

“Ready to go back home?” I ask him.

“You’re going to walk me back? How romantic.”

“We live one apartment building away from each other, stop being dramatic.”

“But still I’m ha-” my eye dart towards the sound of the lounge room door opening and see the familiar girl closing the door behind her. I cover Hyunjae’s mouth with my hand while I use my other one, taking the back of his neck and pulling him closer to me. Our lips only separated by my hand. Surely it looked like we were kissing right now, Hyunjae’s body should cover up the fact that we aren’t. Just let your mind fill in the blanks girl.

A few seconds after I can hear the sound of the door opening and closing again and a high-pitched, “I’m sorry.” from the girl. I’m sorry too… actually no I’m not. I pull away from Hyunjae and he looks stunned.

“Did we just kiss?”

“No, we didn’t. You kiss my hand.”

“Oh.” My eyes were certainly deceiving me cause it looked like he was a little disappointed by my answer.

“Well, let go.” He hums in response and we walk out of the establishment. Suddenly he wraps his arm around me. This isn’t much of a surprise since he was a clingy drunk. The walk was quiet, which was unusual for Hyunjae, maybe he is tired

“Where is my present?”

“You realize that your present was the party bill, right? Do you know just how much you drank compared to everyone else? That shit wasn’t cheap.”

“Hehe, yeah that’s why I drank so much. You know as a broke college student free drinks taste a lot better than anything you pay for!”

“As a broke college student, you would know after that I wouldn’t be able to afford a normal present, so don’t complain.”

“Who said you had to buy the present? Even something small, as long as it’s from you.”

“Why are you like this?” This is really the man I’ve come to like. “Fine, I will do any one thing for you.” He is quiet for a while.

“Two.”

“One.”

“Two!”

“Okay, fine two!” he is silent again.

“Really anything?”

“Anything within reason. If you have a body hidden in your closet right now, I would go help you bury it.”

“Then… can I be your boyfriend for a day. If not then just for the rest of the day or just an hour...” I’m so dumbfounded by his words that I stop walking.

“Do you even know what you’re saying?” He pulls away from me.

“Is that a no then?”

“I… Hyunjae, do you… like me?” He nods. “As a friend?”

“Yes, but more than that. I want to hold you all the time, kiss, and more.” He brings his hand up to his face trying to hide his embarrassment. It did nothing to hide how red his ears became.

“I like you too.” Hyunjae perked up at my words. Now I was feeling embarrassed.

“Really?”

“Yeah. I’ll accept your request.” He hugs me again as he did back at the party.

“Then my other request, can we go back to my place?”

“Are we going to do the “and more” stuff you were talking about?” He thinks for a moment and then goes red in the face.

“No! It’s too soon and I’m way too shit-faced right now anyway. I just want to hold you.”

“Good answer.”

***

In the apartment I was oh so familiar with, I lay in Hyunjae’s bed with his arms wrapped around me. My heart was pounding at first but I soon calmed, getting used to the new situation. The lights were off and we were ready to sleep. It was peaceful, but I had this one lingering question and worry in my head.

“Hyunjae?”

“Hmm?”

“Will you remember this in the morning?”

“Of course why would I forget?”

“Because you forgot that we kissed already.” Shocked by my words he shot up in his spot.

“We what?!”

“It was like a month ago. It’s whatever since you don’t remember.”

“...I’m sorry… was I good?”

“Shut up.” I pinch his side and he yelps.

“Okay jeez, I’m just joking. But is that when you started to like me?”

“Not exactly, but it did all develop from then. Why?”

“I’ve liked you for a long time and have been trying for almost a year to get you to notice me in that way. I didn’t expect you to say you liked me back, so I wanted to know when it changed. Ah, I’m glad I never gave up.” He laid back down, hugging me close again.

“Alright don’t kill me now,” he loosens his grip on me in response.

“Can I kiss you again? I promise I won’t forget this time.”

“Hmm, I think you’re fresh out of requests.” He pouts, which is just the look I wanted to see from him.

“I’m messing with you, but just a little bit. If you really remember when you wake up them I’ll let you kiss me more, as my real boyfriend.”

“I’m going to remember and then I’m going to kiss you so much you’ll get sick of my affection!”

“Uh-huh, let’s just see if you can keep your word.” We both lean into each other and kiss, soft and passionate.

[praxeus-13]

Hello! So happy to see a new fic blog, especially one that has fics for the Master! May I request a fluffy Dhawan!Master x reader in which the reader is the doctor’s companion but doesn’t want to admit she’s in love with the Master? And you can choose the circumstances, but maybe the master “captures” and hypnotizes her in front of the fam and she accidentally reveals it? Thank you so much! I loved “warmth” a lot. 🥰🥰🥰♥️♥️♥️

Thank you so much! I absolutely loved this request as I was already planning on writing something along these lines. I couldn’t find a way to get the hypnotism to work but everything else is there so I hope you enjoy!

Well Kept Secrets

Pairing: Dhawan!Master x fem!Reader

Word Count: 2800

Summary: (what the ask says)

For: @agentmalfoy24601

Warnings: None

You really hadn’t meant to fall for The Master, but intention never seemed to stop anyone when it came to falling in love.

When you first met him, as O, you weren’t quite sure what to think. He was a bit strange, but still sweet - and while he wasn’t your type, you couldn’t deny that he was very attractive. However, there were a few moments when you would look at O and see someone else, and that person interested you. Looking back now, you knew that you had seen his persona slip, even if just for a second, and that had been what had drawn you to him.

When he had revealed himself on the plane it had only drawn you in more. Of course, you had been terrified in the life or death situation, but you had also felt a buzz of excitement and intrigue. If he hadn’t have left you to die on that plane, you know that there was a chance you would have gone with him.

Then The Doctor had sent him off to the Kasaarvin’s dimension and you had lost hope of ever seeing him again, only for him to show up two weeks later.

The Doctor had taken you all to some market planet, given you a credit stick and told you to go off and explore. Originally, you had been wandering around with Graham, but then you had gotten sidetracked and lost sight of him. You had also lost sight of anything else that you recognised so you had started to amble around in hopes of finding someone or something to help.

At first, you hadn’t even seen The Master, so focused on your surroundings that you almost walked right into him, and you barely understood what was happening when he grabbed your arm and dragged you down a quiet side alley.

When you had finally recognised who he was and what had happened, you had been to shocked to stutter out a full sentence. That had caused him to smirk and cockily ask if he was the only one who could leave you speechless, which only made you more flustered.

Once you had finally managed to compose yourself you asked how he was alive, a question that he had ignored in favour of pushing you up against the closest wall and kissing you. It took your brain a few seconds to catch up with the fact that he was actually kissing you before you started to kiss back. Then he had swiftly broken off the kiss and told you that he’d be seeing you, before walking out of the alleyway and back into the bustling streets.

By the time you had finally made it back to the rest of the group, you had managed to get your brain back to its normal working order. Though, when your friends asked you where you had been you told them you simply told them that you had gotten lost after spotting something interesting, resolving not to bring up The Master at all.

True to his promise, he had shown up again about a week after that, kissing you senseless yet again and leaving with little explanation.

After this happened a few times, always when you got separated from the group, you started to have proper conversations with each other. A first they were only about whatever trouble he had caused on the planet to distract The Doctor with, but soon you had started to talk to each other more and more about your lives. He wasn’t as stingy on details as The Doctor was, but you could tell he was still keeping quite a bit of information from you.

Then he started showing up at your apartment, which was a little bit concerning, but he always knocked rather than just bursting in like you knew The Doctor would, so you didn’t really mind. Soon enough your relationship had changed from just meeting up and making out for five minutes, to meeting up and talking for a few hours. Though it was slow, you felt yourself start to fall in love with this strange alien man.

Of course, this caused a lot of internal conflict, especially considering you were still travelling with The Doctor and the rest of the fam. You knew that they were your friends - practically a second family at this point - but you feared that if they ever found out about your relationship with The Master you would loose them. So you kept quiet and tried to pretend that you weren’t secretly dating the man who had tried to kill you all. Every time the two of you met up on one of your trips with The Doctor was both exhilarating and frightening, and while you loved seeing him all the time you were always worried that one of your friends would catch you with him.

When The Master invited you to travel with him instead of The Doctor several months into your relationship, you didn’t quite know what to say. You knew that you loved him, but you had never been able to say it aloud, and you weren’t even sure if he loved you back. As well, it wasn’t like you didn’t like travelling with The Doctor and the fam; it was brilliant, even if you did end up running for your life on most adventures, and you weren’t sure if you were ready to leave them just yet.

Unfortunately, you had taken too long to give The Master an answer, and he ended up storming off without stopping when you cried out his name, not caring to listen to any explanation you had to give.

That had been a month ago and you hadn’t heard a word from him since, which had only upset and worried you. Even if you weren’t ready to travel with him then, you had hoped that you could still be in a relationship with him. You knew that your friends had noticed your mood, and they had all tried to talk to you about it, but you reassured them that you were okay and didn’t say anything more.

————

Now you were on another adventure with your friends, using it again to distract yourself from debating whether you and The Master had broken up or whether he was going to randomly show up and pretend that nothing happened. The planet that you had landed on was overrun with nature, and the ruins of whatever civilisation had been there previously were barely noticeable.

Somehow The Doctor had managed to find a very large cathedral-like building that was still mostly in tact, which was what you were currently exploring.

Without any warning you were grabbed from behind and pulled into someone’s tight grip, causing you to yelp and try to struggle away. Then you noticed who exactly had a hold of you and you stopped struggling as much, making a conscious effort to not relax completely into the hold that you had gotten so used to after the last few month.

Your friends had turned around at the noises and their faces were now a mix of anger and concern, glaring at The Master.

“Let her go.” The Doctor told him, her tone indicating her worry.

“Well, I would, but I think (y/n) is quite comfortable in my arms Doctor.” He spat his response at her, tightening his grip further, but still making sure not to hurt you.

You were trying to resist looking up at him, because you knew you wouldn’t be able to hide the love that your expression would hold.

“No, you’re scaring her, now let her go and I might consider giving you whatever you’ve come here for.”

In your chest your heartbeat had started to pick up speed, you could see that The Master was trying to let onto your friends about your relationship, and you only hoped that he wouldn’t actually say anything.

“Hmm, seems I know your companion better than you.” At this comment you finally looked at him, hoping that he would see the look in your eyes and just walk away without saying anything.

He didn’t look down at you though, and just stayed glaring at The Doctor.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” The Doctor was starting to sound irritated, but there was a hint of fear in her voice as well.

Still trying to stop him from revealing your relationship, you squeezed his hand and tried to get his attention. Unfortunately, he continued to ignore you, and you started to feel much more anxious.

The Master let out a hysteric sounding laugh at The Doctor’s question, and it wasn’t anything like the soft laugh you had grown used to. Though you hated to admit it, he was starting to scare you.

“You don’t even have a clue of what I’m talking about.”

Looking back at the four of them to gauge their reactions, you could see that Yaz and The Doctor were very close to piecing it all together, and Ryan and Graham wouldn’t be too far behind. Instinctively, you pressed further into The Master’s hold, trying to feel some semblance of comfort or safety. Obviously he knew what you were trying to do, he had gotten used to you snuggling close to him whenever you watched a scary movie or had a nightmare, and, either consciously or unconsciously, he started to stroke the back of your hand with his thumb.

“No…” The Doctor’s gasp could barely be heard, but it still caused your gaze to fall to the floor in shame.

You knew that you probably shouldn’t love him, but you did, and now you were going to face the consequences. All you hoped is that after loosing your friends, you wouldn’t loose The Master too.

“Yes.” The Master replied gleefully.

“You can’t- you must have hypnotised (y/n)! She wouldn’t willingly enter a relationship with you.”

“Well, clearly she would, because she did. I haven’t hypnotised her, or threatened her, or drugged her. (Y/n) is with me by choice.” The Master was very clearly pissed off at the implementation that he would do anything to injure you.

Honestly, you were slightly annoyed at it too, the only time he had ever come close to harming you had been on Barton’s plane, and you had gotten out of that alright in the end. You squeezed his hand for comfort again, and this time he squeezed back, calming you down slightly.

“Stop playing games and give (y/n) back.” The Doctor’s voice sounded almost dangerous now, and you were starting to worry for both your safety and The Master’s.

However, The Master seemed unfazed as he ignored her and continued to hold you, “You know it’s true, I can see it in your eyes, but if you’re still having trouble believing it then why don’t you just ask (y/n)?”

Of course he would put you on the spot, you had known him long enough to realise that this whole setup was coming from a place of vulnerability. He was worried that you were going to leave him, that you didn’t care for him anymore, and instead of talking to you about it he was lashing out. It was something that you had been trying to work on with him, but after your hesitation to answer his proposal of travelling with him, he had jumped to conclusions and this was the result.

The silence after he had told The Doctor to question was so deafening that you swore your frantic heartbeat was echoing around the abandoned building. You forced yourself to look up, to look at The Doctor in the eye, and it seemed to be the push she needed.

“(Y/n)?” She didn’t need to ask the question, it was already hanging in the air.

“I chose to be in a relationship with him, he didn’t force me into it.” And then, much quieter, you added on, “I love him.”

Part of you had hoped that no one would have heard what you said, but the room you were in had been dead silent. The Master’s grip on you relaxed in shock, holding you as though you were fragile enough that you could shatter like glass. You tilted your head towards him so you could see his reaction, still slightly worried that he wouldn’t reciprocate.

He seemed to be staring down at you with awe and love, and you couldn’t quite believe that he was looking at you like that.

“You love me?” He asked you, his voice impossibly soft.

You simply nodded in response, unable to form any words. The Master bought one of his hands up to cup your face lightly, as though he was still afraid of breaking you.

“I love you too.” He was almost whispering when he said it but a smile immediately formed on your face.

He leant in to kiss you and you kissed him back eagerly. Unfortunately the kiss was cut short by a not so subtle cough from the direction of your friends.

Still comfortably in The Master’s hold, you turned to face your friends again, feeling your face heating up as you blushed.

“Okay, am I the only one who’s really confused?” Ryan asked, looking around at the rest of your friends for confirmation.

He got a chorus of ‘no’s’ in response and if it wasn’t such a strange situation you might have laughed.

“Yeah, how come you’re in love with the guy who tried to kill us? Cause I feel like I’ve missed a lot.” Graham asked, as clueless as he usually was.

“I’m pretty sure that (y/n) has been secretly dating The Master.” Yaz piped up, and you were slightly glad that she had answered for you.

“Yeah that’s basically the gist of it.” You laughed awkwardly, yet again squeezing The Master’s hand for comfort.

They seemed to mull over this for a few minutes, before The Doctor finally spoke up again.

“(Y/n), are you sure that you want to be with him?” She asked you, and for once it was a question that you could answer easily.

“Yes, I am.” You smiled at her, and you knew that The Master was probably smiling at you.

“Then I suppose I can’t do anything to stop you from loving him.” Then she turned her focus to The Master, “but if you hurt her expect serious consequences!”

He rolled his eyes, “I wouldn’t expect anything less, but I won’t hurt them.”

The Doctor and your other friends then proceeded to interrogate the two of you (though they were mainly focused on The Master) about your relationship. Even if it was slightly annoying, you appreciated their concern and protectiveness over you. During the ordeal The Master constantly acted as though he was extremely annoyed and offended at their interrogation, though you could tell that he was glad you had such good friends - even if one of them was his best enemy.

Eventually the six of you made it back to the two TARDISes, and you all paused outside. He hadn’t bought up the question of whether you would join him in his TARDIS since the first time, and you were still slightly worried that you had missed your opportunity.

Then he turned to you, still holding on of your hands even though you were no longer in his hold, “Want to travel with me?”

He asked with such hope in his expression that you felt your heart melt, even after you had rejected him the first time he was still holding out hope.

A wide grin formed on your face and you nodded, “I’d love to.”

He grinned back and pulled you in for another kiss, much to the disgust of your friends.

The next thirty minutes were spent packing up your possessions and moving them from The Doctor’s TARDIS to The Master’s. That was then followed by teary hugs as you said goodbye to your friends and made promises to call and meet up with them whenever you were all on Earth at the same time. The Doctor made sure that you knew to call her if anything ever went wrong, promising that she’d be there immediately.

Despite the grief that you felt leaving your friends and that chapter of your life behind, you were eager to start travelling with The Master and to see how your relationship would develop. The Doctor, Graham, Ryan and Yaz had definitely become a second family to you, but you knew that this wasn’t going to be the last time you saw any of them.

Holding The Master’s hand, you let him pull you into his TARDIS as you waved goodbye to your friends, before turning around and beaming at him. As soon as the door was shut he pushed you up against it and kissed you senseless - reminding you very much of your first kiss with him.

“Where to first, love?” The Master asked as he brushed a stray piece of hair away from your face.

“Anywhere, as long as it’s by your side.”