#but do not get it twisted he is still VERY emotionally repressed

[alexpression]

Please rb if you vote ;3

[david-talks-sw]

Debunking myths in the GFFA: Luke Skywalker isn't the One True Jedi™ and doesn't "reject the Jedi teachings."

The myth:

Luke's Jedi mentors - trained to be dispassionate and mission-driven - callously tell him to let his friends die in service of a greater cause.

"In The Empire Strikes Back, Luke becomes Yoda's Padawan, and there are echoes of Anakin's training and the dilemmas he faced. Like Anakin, Luke is told he is too old to begin the training. Like Anakin, he has a vision of his loved ones suffering in captivity, and receives cold advice from Yoda, who tells him to sacrifice Han and Leia if he honors what they fight for." - Jason Fry, “Family Tradition; Rejecting the Jedi Teachings” Star Wars Insider #130, 2012

The intended narrative:

The Jedi are actually right on all points. Luke isn't ready or fully trained and he's arrogantly letting his emotions rule him and rushing into danger. By ignoring them, Luke gets himself into a spot of trouble that actually jeopardizes the lives of the very friends he tried to help, as they now need to rescue him.

“It’s pivotal that Luke doesn’t have patience. He doesn’t want to finish his training. He’s being succumbed by his emotional feelings for his friends rather than the practical feelings of “I’ve got to get this job done before I can actually save them. I can’t save them, really.” But he sort of takes the easy route, the arrogant route, the emotional but least practical route, which is to say, “I’m just going to go off and do this without thinking too much.” And the result is that he fails and doesn’t do well for Han Solo or himself.”

“Luke is making a critical mistake in his life of going after- to try to save his friends when he’s not ready. There’s a lot being taught here about patience and about waiting for the right moment to do whatever you’re going to do.”

“Luke is in the process of going into an extremely dangerous situation out of his compassion— Without the proper training, without the proper thought, without the proper foresight to figure out how he’s gonna get out of it. His impulses are right, but his methodology is wrong.”

The myth:

The Jedi want Luke to repress his feelings and kill his father, to destroy the Sith, their religious enemies. As emotionally-detached Jedi, it is inconceivable that a Sith would come back from the Dark Side, and thus wrongly believe that the only solution is to kill Vader.

"It's easy to miss that Luke disagrees sharply with his Jedi teachers about what to do. Obi-Wan and Yoda have trained Luke and push him toward a second confrontation with Vader. He is, they believe, the Jedi weapon that will destroy both Vader and the Emperor. When Luke insists there is still good in Vader, Obi-Wan retorts that "he's more machine than man-twisted and evil." When Luke says he can't kill his own father, Obi-Wan despairs, "Then the Emperor has already won."  But Obi-Wan could not be more wrong. It is precisely because Luke can't kill his own father that he defeats the Sith." - Jason Fry, Star Wars Insider #130, 2012

The intended narrative:

The Jedi never tell Luke to "kill" his father. That's just a fact.

They tell him to "confront" and "face" him.

Their bottom line is that Vader and the Emperor need to be stopped.

If Luke can manage to do so without killing his father, that's great.

"In Jedi the film is really about the redemption of this fallen angel. Ben is the fitting good angel, and Vader is the bad angel who started off good. All these years Ben has been waiting for Luke to come of age so that he can become a Jedi and redeem his father. That's what Ben has been doing, but you don't know this in the first film." - Star Wars: The Annotated Screenplays, 1998

(credit to @writerbuddha for finding the above quote)

The problem is: Darth Vader has a track record of murdering loved ones who refuse to kill him. Be it his wife...

... his father/brother...

... and if you're going by Canon, his little sister.

As such, there's a very strong chance that Vader might do the same to his son as well.

“A Jedi can’t kill for the sake of killing. The mission isn’t for Luke to go out and kill his father and get rid of him. The issue is, if he confronts his father again, he may, in defending himself, have to kill him, because his father will try to kill him.” - 1981 story conference, from The Making of Return of the Jedi

Now, as the last Jedi left, the fate of the galaxy rests entirely on Luke's shoulders.

If he dies, then the galaxy and its billions of inhabitants are doomed to live in a tyrannical dictatorship forever.

“He knows a confrontation is brewing between Luke and his father. Ben hopes Luke will either save his father or kill him, because whatever extra powers Luke's got in his lineage, he is the one person that can probably fight his father and win.” - The Star Wars Archives: 1977-1983, 2018

There's a time for talking things through... and a time to do your duty. Above all else, a Jedi's duty is to end conflict.

Obi-Wan was once tasked with this same duty.

And while he managed to weaken Vader considerably (thus avoiding the catastrophe of a full-powered Vader being unleashed onto the galaxy)... because of his attachment, he failed to kill Vader.

Twice, if you include the Kenobi show.

(A show which, per Pablo Hidalgo, is one of George Lucas' favorite recent Star Wars projects, a tidbit that doesn't surprise me one bit considering how much the series perfectly aligns with what Lucas said about Star Wars (see here, here and here))

Point being: because Ben failed his duty, the galaxy suffered for it.

Luke is now in danger of doing the same.

If he's unable to end the conflict in a peaceful way, then Luke needs to be ready to do so in a more permanent manner. Because while Luke has qualms about killing his father, there's a very big chance that the feeling won't be mutual.

So Luke isn't rejecting his teachers' orders to kill Vader. He's saying he's unable to confront Vader altogether, because he'll be half-assing the task. In the (very likely) worst case scenario where reasoning with Vader fails, Luke is concerned he won't be able to follow-through and do what he must.

Further, there's also a worse outcome to Luke dying: Luke joining the Dark Side and becoming yet another asset of the Emperor, more dangerous than Vader himself.

It's thus essential that Luke steel himself and mask his emotions, because the Emperor is a master manipulator who'll likely attempt to corrupt Luke via the strong emotions he has for his friends.

Obi-Wan is not telling Luke to repress his emotions. On the contrary, he acknowledges that these feelings do Luke credit. But the fact remains that when your opponent can jiu-jitsu those feelings against you and your friends, you need to keep a poker face.

And judging by how close the Sith Lords come to seducing Luke to the Dark Side...

... that advice is completely on point.

The myth:

"It isn't Jedi teachings that save the galaxy, but bonds the Jedi tried to forbid - such as the love of a father for his son, and a son for his father. Emotional attachments, in other words." - Jason Fry, Star Wars Insider #130, 2012

The intended narrative:

In Return of the Jedi, Luke isn't doing anything different than what other Jedi have done.

He does his best to avoid lethal force unless he deems that it is necessary (see his fight against Jabba's hostile forces).

He sacrifices himself for the greater good and let himself be captured, in order to allow the mission to be carried out.

He tries to reason with his enemy, hoping to avoid conflict.

He spares his enemy, showing mercy.

That's all standard Jedi stuff. We've seen other Jedi do all those things, both in the films and The Clone Wars.

If that isn't enough, just look at how Lucas describes what Jedi normally do (left), versus what Luke does in Return of the Jedi (right):

See what I mean? There’s pretty much no difference.

In Lucas' narrative, Luke isn’t “better than” or “rejecting the teachings” of the Jedi who came before him. He’s following the Jedi path. And he's really good at doing so.

Because this idea that Luke "rejects the teachings" makes no sense! They're Lucas' teachings. He agrees with the Jedi, they're the mouthpieces he uses to deliver the audience his own values.

Lucas having his main character do something he'd ideologically disagree with is something that doesn't make sense.

And part of this confusion comes from a misunderstanding of the word "attachment", in Star Wars.

It doesn't mean "emotional attachments" or "feelings" or "affection." It comes from the Buddhist principle of non-attachment.

It's not about depriving yourself of relationships or affection, it's about accepting that everything comes and goes and letting go of those very things you hold on to, when the time comes.

Lucas makes a distinction in his discourse between attachment and compassion.

"The whole idea of the movie, ultimately is that you have the Light Side and the Dark Side. The Light Side is compassion, which means you care about other people. The Dark Side is you care only about yourself. And you are obsessed with yourself. Getting your pleasure and getting all your stuff. The other one, you give it to everybody. You give goodness and health to everybody else.  So the issue of love... there’s a line between loving somebody compassionately and caring about them and helping them. But the other line is not to be greedy or... once you are greedy then you get fearful. You don’t want to lose what it is you have that you are getting. So you have to learn to give up everything. And ultimately for a Jedi Knight, it’s very easy to give up." - Celebration V, Main Event, 2010

In-universe, this is something Anakin knew the theory of, but never really applied all that much.

Luke on the other hand, was able to learn the lesson and apply it.

Speaking in Lucas lingo, it's not Luke's attachment that makes him spare Vader. It's his compassion. And in turn, that compassion inspires Vader to do the same.

"It really has to do with learning. Children teach you compassion. They teach you to love unconditionally. Anakin can’t be redeemed for all the pain and suffering he’s caused. He doesn’t right the wrongs, but he stops the horror. The end of the Saga is simply Anakin saying, ‘I care about this person, regardless of what it means to me. I will throw away everything that I have, everything that I have grown to love - primarily the Emperor - and throw away my life, to save this person. And I’m doing this because he has faith in me, loves me despite all the horrible things I’ve done. I broke his mother’s heart, but he still cares about me, and I can’t let that die.’" - The Making of Revenge of The Sith; page 221

Or, to put things more simply:

Attachment (selfish love), is what makes Anakin do this:

Compassion (selfless love), is what makes Luke do this:

Now, could Lucas have made his narrative more explicit, to avoid confusion? Maybe.

But I think it's also fair to point the finger at the biggest cause of these muddied waters:

Simply put, the Expanded Universe (the Star Wars books, novels and games that spun out of the films) established new lore elements that didn't necessarily align with Lucas' vision of things. Namely:

Jedi can get married, and Luke marries Mara Jade.

Jedi can begin their training as adults, and Luke takes on many apprentices that are already adults.

When considering George's minimal involvement in the development of EU stories, it's easy to see why these plot points were allowed to come through.

But when he made the Prequels, his headcanons came to light and the above plot points needed to be retconned.

George Lucas' narrative:

"Nope. You can't be a Jedi and be married."

This isn't actually coming out of left field.

When Timothy Zahn asked for Luke and Mara to be married or engaged, back in 1993, Lucasfilm initially vetoed the idea.

And over the years, Lucas and other Lucasfilm employees have made it it clear that "Luke getting married" did not align with his vision (so much so that it's a plot point in Attack of the Clones).

So the question becomes: why can't Jedi get married?

It's about commitment.

Simply put: you can't have two marriages. Eventually, your commitment to one of them will falter and you'll ruin them both. A Jedi is already married to the cause and to the Order.

If they want to get married, they have to leave the Jedi.

"One of the things [the Jedi] give up is marriage. They can still love people. But they can’t possess them. They can’t own them. They can’t demand that they do things. They have to be able to accept the fact, one, their mortality, that they are going to die. And not worry about it. That the loved ones they have, everything they love is going to die and they can’t do anything about it. I mean they can protect them as you would ordinarily protect, you know, ‘Get out of the way of that car.’ Somebody charges you with a gun, you knock the gun out, but there is an inevitability to life which is death and you have to accept that." - Celebration V, Main Event, 2010

And this is another example, really, of how Lucas' own values and past experiences shape the Jedi's teachings.

Marcia Lucas divorced George because he was constantly working on Star Wars, even when he wasn't directing it, which she said led to an emotional blockage in their marriage...

... and this leads us to the reason why George didn't double-down on the success of the Original Trilogy: he decided to take time off to raise his three kids as a single Dad.

He learned his lesson, reasoned that he wouldn't be able to be both a good, present father and a successful blockbuster film director.

When you're dealing with time-consuming commitments of this scale, you need to make a choice, or you'll end up (half-assing and thus ruining) both of them.

"Nope. Jedi get taken in as babies for a reason."

Once again, this has to do with Lucas' definition of "attachment."

"Jedi Knights get taken from their families very young. They do not grow attachments, because attachment is a path to the Dark Side. You can love people, but you can't want to possess them. They're not yours. Accept that they have a fate. Even those you love most are going to die. You can't do anything about that. Protect them with your lightsaber, but if they die they were going to die. There's nothing you can do. All you can do is accept that fact. In mythology, if you go to Hades to get them back, you're not doing it for them, you're doing it for yourself. You're doing it because you don't want to give them up. You're afraid to be without them. The key to the Dark Side is fear. You must be clean of fear, and fear of loss is the greatest fear. If you're set up for fear of loss, you will do anything to keep that loss from happening, and you're going to end up in the Dark Side. That's the basic premise of Star Wars and the Jedi, and how it works. That's why they're taken at a young age to be trained. They cannot get themselves killed trying to save their best buddy when it's a hopeless exercise." - The Star Wars Archives: 1977-1983, 2018

Jedi need to maintain objectivity and neutrality, in their day-to-day lives of mediating peace between planets.

And learning to "let go of your attachments when the time comes" is part of that training. But it is something that takes discipline and time, and thus the child needs to be young enough to develop this skill. Otherwise, they end up like Anakin, who always struggled to properly learn it and eventually was doomed by his greed.

This being part of Lucas narrative is also evidenced that in his earlier plans for the Sequel trilogy, he'd have Luke train children, not adults like he does in the EU.

"Luke is trying to restart the Jedi. He puts the word out, so out of 100,000 Jedi, maybe 50 or 100 are left. The Jedi have to grow again from scratch, so Luke has to find two- and three-year-olds, and train them. It’ll be 20 years before you have a new generation of Jedi." The Star Wars Archives: 1999-2005, 2020

The EU's retcons of Lucas' narrative:

Now, obviously, the addition of all these rules and other elements such as midi-chlorians... it does something to the older audience. They grew up on the Original Trilogy, dreaming they could be a Jedi too if they just believed enough. Now that bubble is burst.

"Wait, if I'm a Jedi I can't get married?! And I need to be taken in as a toddler, with a certain kind of blood score?! That's bullshit!"

More importantly... it goes against about a decade's worth of established EU lore (which Lucas never factored into his storytelling)!

So what does Lucasfilm Licensing do? They go with it.

They take these "weird" rules the older audience and authors don't like, and retcon a new narrative around them to ensure both the books and the new films all stay canon within the EU own continuity.

George Lucas revealed new information about his universe in Episode II that ran counter to earlier stories of the Expanded Universe. Among the surprises: the Jedi Order is monastic, with love and marriage forbidden to its members. This would necessitate reforms to the Jedi Code over time to separate the ancient era when Nomi Sunrider was married to a Jedi, seen in the Tales of the Jedi (1993–94) comics, as well as the post-Empire era when Luke Skywalker married Mara Jade in the comic series Union (1999–2000). LucasBooks also needed to create plausible exceptions for Ki-Adi-Mundi, a Jedi Master who had multiple wives in the Prelude to Rebellion comics (1999). - Pablo Hidalgo, The Essential Reader’s Companion, 2012

When it comes to Luke specifically, the narrative becomes:

"Uh... y-yes. The old Jedi Order forbid marriage, only took in toddlers and had a blood pre-requisite... which was weird, wrong, too detached, too systemic, and part of why their Order failed! But, uh, Luke's New Jedi Order allows marriage, unlike his dogmatic predecessors, because anyone can be a Jedi guys!" Hahaha! (fuck's sake George)

But as already explained above: those new rules aren't meant to be perceived negatively. It would make no sense if they were, they're based on Lucas' own values.

You know what it does do, though?

It cements the narrative that Luke is the One True Jedi™, who rejected the dogmatic teachings to forge a new path forward.

That's not the intended narrative of the Original Trilogy, nor the six-film saga as a whole.

If you've made it this far in the post (congratulations) and are interested to read another all-encompassing post about that, you can check out the link below :)

[the-one-who-lambs]

uhh hello!! sorry if this is a tall order LOL but I wanna ask, do you have any narilamb fanfic recs? :D I already read yours and I really like bamsara’s and I’m waiting for epicaandk’s to update (that one is my fav ever <3) but idk what to read now lol

Tall order?? Naaaaah, I'm always happy to give recs. Oh boy, I'm gonna go in reverse chronological order.

If you've read all of my narilamb fics (have you seriously? I'm impressed, that's probably well over half the 150k+ I've written for this damn fandom. Also, to anyone seeing this from a reblog, my stuff is over at onethirdofimpossible!) then here we go!

You already mentioned it, but The Rehabilitation of Death is excellent so far! This one is by @bamsara who is new to the CotL fandom but apparently not new to fanfic writing; they have a really popular FNAF fic and I assume the well-deserved attention this fic's been getting is a byproduct of the popularity they've already gotten in other fandoms. :D Welcome, bamsara! Many of the fic writers in this fandom are friends with each other already, but we don't bite if you wanna say hi.

Feel No Evil and Language Barrier, both by @payasita. I always love how payasita portrays this duo (in both digital art and writing), with so much sass and repressed loneliness, knowing they're stuck together for eternity and making the best of it. (And maybe falling in love, depending on how dense Narinder keeps being.) What makes these come alive for me is how well thought out the setting is outside the Lamb and Narinder. The descriptions and weight of emotions really pop here.

LITERALLY ANYTHING written by pavi / @i-eat-deodorant. Depending on how spicy you want your fics to be he has even more here. Character analysis, diction, pacing, etc. are consistently 10/10. Top-quality banter between a sassy Lamb and tired old man Narinder. We constantly bounce ideas off each other and inspire each other a lot but I promise I'm not hyping him up just because he's my friend oh my god please just go bless your eyes.

It Was For You, O Death by blueberry-muffin-massacre (if they have a tumblr, let me know so I can tag!). An intriguing alternative ending to the final battle wherein the Lamb chooses a secret third option by refusing to give up the Red Crown and still observing Narinder as the God of Death. So many details are so well thought out and duality their relationship is nicely characterized-- both genuine care for each other and also quite unhealthy. A fine line treaded well!

Confessional by jusmove (again, lmk if they have a tumblr). Been a while since I've read it, but I love how the Lamb chips at Narinder's very carefully built emotional walls. Their personalities are very well fleshed out here, especially Narinder's cognitive dissonance at being able to process love.

Confession by @thewitchoftheweed. I didn't expect a part two to this one, but my god I was so thrilled when it did update. Narinder and Lamb with their unique and parallel loneliness and their fucked-up sense of everything. Their relationship is very rocky here, and I love how they navigate it: with tension and eventual, pained acceptance. Mind the rating.

Of Character Development and Being Dense by @calliecature. A short and sweet narilamb classic. They're both mutually pining and one of them is too emotionally repressed to realize it. Guess who.

Not An Offering, But a Gift by @checkplzjuliet. Small confession fic. I especially love how Narinder's descriptions twist the knife of his situation here, and how Lambert is a total foil for him! There are a lot of good things happening in such a short span, which is impressive.

Also, if you think you've read all my narilamb fics... I do have a secret one out there too. Just so you know.

Happy reading!

I'm already friends with many of the people here, but if any of the writers I've tagged have been kinda wanting to reach out for a while but feel a little anxious... Don't be. I've made my best friends in this fandom by literally just waiting for some of my readers to get over whatever assumption they have that I'm cool and say hi. Or being the more confident one first.

[mjanelupinblack]

starving creatures | chapter three🖤

pairing: xu minghao x reader // jun x reader (mainly lol)

description: starving creatures have arrived at your homeland in forks. little do you know, they not only intend to drain the blood out of you... they'll also to break your heart in two.

genres: slowburn (please bare with me), fluff, angst, vampire!au, ceramist!hao

warnings: blood drinking, lot of blood related themes, repressed emotions, family issues, miscommunication, kinda toxic friendship with cheol? blood and smut will be mixed. emotionally and physically starved vampires oops. did i mentioned blood?

minors dni!!!

fic playlist

CHAPTER THREE

He’s never been easily forgiving. And even if he was, the events after his transition couldn’t possibly be ignored like he was ignoring them. Joshua remembers it with such clarity—a young student with big dreams suddenly crushed by the weight of a life that wouldn’t find death. The morning after the attack, a maddening hunger made Vernon lock himself in a room for days. He made him swear not to let him go out until his appetite would miraculously vanish –which, of course, didn’t happened.

Joshua agreed to his terms, even though he knew they were sadic and unrealistic. With his bare hands, he tore apart the neck of a hen. He dampened his friend’s lips with some fresh blood and saw the color gradually abandon his face. Three days passed like this. Vernon grew more irrational and aggressive until Joshua understood he was stupidly trying to starve himself to death. He knew too well that the first thirst wouldn’t just go away with some stinky animal waste. So he got his hands dirty. He took the life Vernon refused to steal and fed the blood to his friend.

Vernon still punishes himself about it. And Joshua is still trying to convince himself that the person he attacked from the back would understand, if only he knew how desperate he felt in that moment.

In Vernon, he had found a companion. A friend for a life sentence he thought he would be serving alone. Should he feel grateful or enraged at Boo Yejin and his perverse brother? While he arrives at the Boo residence, he tries to get rid of all the conflictive thoughts he knows Seungkwan will read through like a kid’s book.

He knocks on the door like a civilized person. His fists are hidden at his back, clenched so hard that pain almost numbs his senses. If only he were strong enough, he wouldn’t hesitate to smash his way to the hallway. A servant asks for his name and, after checking with the master, reluctantly invites him to wait in the foyer.

The carpets are crimson red. There are no beams of natural light passing through the dense curtains. His childhood home used to have the same chandelier that is now hanging over his head. It has thick branches and crystal tears. And his stomach turns at the experience of revisiting the past without a warning.

“Took you long enough,” Seungkwan says, after a few minutes of letting his rage brew in the entrance. He is dressed pretty uncomfortably. An elegance no one would consider to carry at his own house. “I see this bloodsucking life suited you well enough. You look different from the student we cornered at the library”.

“Don’t you look into your enemies?” Joshua asks. “It’s hard to believe you’re oblivious to every trace of his face.”

“Enemies?” Seungkwan snorts. “Your pig-fed family is no enemy to me. If you think about it, a wolf doesn’t see a lamb as much of a danger. But for the lamb, well… the wolf is a significant threat.”

“Why did you send the mirror to my house?” Joshua asks, trying to ease his anger so he won’t lose himself in Seungkwan’s twisted game. “You thought it would be fun to mock us? You weren’t even capable of bringing the mirror by yourself. You had the girl doing all your dirty work.”

“She offered when I told her. She is very helpful, like a housewife but you don’t have to pay nor marry her,” he says that in a disdainful way “In response to your question, no. We weren’t trying to mock you. What you were given is a relic and an honor, even though you’re too ignorant to see it.”

“An honor?” Joshua asks, taken aback by the audacity of the statement. “Why would you want to honor us? You don’t even respect us.”

Boo Seungkwan and his family's contempt for animal-fed nocturnals is not a secret well kept.

“I was hoping to make amends.”

Joshua laughs. If Seungkwan was really hoping to reconcile, the making up of his wrongdoings would take a lot more effort than an old mirror.

“A hundred years have passed. One would assume your friend grew accustomed to this.”

He 's wrong. Vernon never got used to this life, he just went with it.

“Never contact us again.”

“Wait,” Seungkwan insists. And he grimaces at the bitter taste of having to plead someone so inferior to him. “Walk around town. Take your made up family with you and watch how you don't get turned into dust the instant you leave the house. Let all of that sink and ask yourself how hard it's going to be to abandon that ten, maybe fifteen years from now. Then come back."

“What are you…?”

“Agnes!” Seungkwan abruptly cuts his sentence. “Please, escort him out.”

II

You can’t stop thinking about Minghao. The cold wind bites the end of your feet, and even though the weather slaps your face with constant reality checks, the thought of him insists on spinning around your head. Like you had been bewitched.

Autumn is coming. You and the guys decided to go downtown to handle flyers for the Harvest Moon Festival, an annual event organized by the state cultural committee, also known as Seungcheol’s brother, Wonwoo. Of course Hoshi took advantage of the situation and spread the word of the party he would be throwing Saturday night without the permission of his parents. You don’t know half of the people he invited. You wonder whether Minghao would want to join the party. Of course your friends won’t invite him but, if they did, would he want to be there?

Something tells you he wouldn’t. Something tells you he��d rather stay home among brushes and wine and clay. You wonder how ridiculous he would think you are if he could get into your head and find out you think of him so deeply.

Next time you see Jun, you want to ask him so many questions about his brother. Like how old he is or what movies he likes to watch when the weather is too foggy and rainy. Jun does seem to be able to read your mind, so you try to dispel the thoughts before you end up ruining your auntie’s business because of a stupid infatuation.

“Will Professor Han be doing his weird representation of the Spirit of Autumn again?” Dino asks, while absentmindedly handing out pamphlets to random passersby.

“Much to our disgrace,” Seungcheol says. “I tried to convince Wonwoo to not let him. But he said he’s got some important shit to say.”

“Important?” You ask. “Last year he said to watch out for a fairy infestation.”

Your friend Dino scratches his nose while Seungcheol charmingly smiles at the tall blond girl he handed his last pamphlet to.

“He’s an old man and a frustrated storyteller,” he tells you. “The least we can do is bare with him.”

“He told me I was going to sprint my ankle last year and I did,” Soonyoung adds. “Thinking ‘bout throwing him an invite to the party.”

You laugh at your friend's joke. Then he forgets his pamphlet-handling duty and tries to seriously convince you about how awesome it would be to have Professor Han come to his house with lots of tequila shots at his disposal. You laugh until you can’t find the stomach to keep doing so anymore. It feels like air has been sucked out of your lungs when you see Minghao a couple of steps from you, smoking a cigarette.

Fortunately his brother is sharing the cigarette with him, equally intimidating but you’ve grown accustomed to the weight of his presence. He glances your way, almost as if he detected your doubtful glare the second you placed it in the cloud of smoke they are breathing. You must say hi. But Minghao looks like he’s been taken right out of a painting.

You’re about to greet them when your best friend grabs you by the arm.

“C’mon, t/n, let’s grab a milkshake,” he says as he abruptly diverts you from your neighbors’ pathway.

Before you lose sight of them, you can see Jun nodding at your friend with a smug, almost provocative smile. Minghao simply looks at you two, stone cold.

“What the hell, Cheol?” You ask when you arrive at the cafeteria. The cashier looks at your friend like he’s a boyfriend in a tight spot.

“What do you mean?” He asks obnoxiously, just before ordering for two oat milk lattes.

“Don’t play dumb,” you say. Or maybe at this point you're begging. “We’re not like this.”

You're not quite sure what changed, but the fluctuations in Seungcheol’s character became evident shortly after he turned the sweet age of eighteen. His shoulders are always stiff. The only way for him to loosen up is by downing a full package of beer. Most times he forgets his promises and the worst part is, he won't talk to you about it. He rather party it off and call it for the night.

It shocked you when he called from Sweden to tell you he had traveled unexpectedly.

“Don’t act like I didn’t do you a favor,” he tells you. “You said you didn’t like them.”

“Yeah. There was no need for being rude though,” silence falls between the two of you until the cashier hands him your drinks. “I'm going to apologize.”

“T/n, wait…”

“Hoshi can have the latte.”

There you go, running away from the cafeteria like you run away from home each time shit gets too hard to handle. You love Hoshi; he’s a good friend to you. Yet there’s hatred in the words you spit at Seungcheol. Maybe you shouldn't blame your friend for his poor coping mechanisms. Who told you yours were better to begin with?

“Running away from Prince Charming?” Jun teases you from behind. He takes you by surprise, like an always attentive wolf with his favorite deer for hunting.

“Shut up,” You say, turning to him and realizing your tone could’ve been nicer. “Fuck, sorry Jun. It’s just… I’m not in the best good mood.”

His self-satisfied smile turns into a concerned gesture.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to be nice to me because my family is your client,” Jun says. “You can tell me if I’m being an asshole.”

“You’re not an asshole,” you laugh. “Just annoying… at the very worst possible time.”

“Maybe we can share a drink and talk about the appropriate and non-so appropriate moments to annoy you,” He offers. “I’m afraid my brother won’t be able to join us.”

You arch an eyebrow. What a devilish vestige for the angelical figure of his brother.

“Sorry,” he apologizes this time. “I guess the timing was wrong for that too.”

III

Minghao got turned into a nocturnal creature a hundred years ago. One must say he did it by own choice, except Jun’s recklessness didn’t make the decision feel like a matter of volition at all.

It had been a beautiful night; lively with intense candlelights and people dancing and chatting to the sultry melody of a saxophone. Minghao had attended Jeonghan's gathering in hopes of releasing the tension work had left on his back. A girl asked him about his job and he would have confessed his hatred for nursing if it wasn’t for the unexpected arrival of Junhui.

Four years younger and not mature enough to take no for an answer.

“What on earth are you doing here?” He had inquired. The girl, still peering over his shoulder in hopes for him to resolve his problem fast.

“I was invited. Hard to believe?”

“Han said you could come, he didn’t invite them. Why you have to act like such a kid all the time?"

“They’re my friends even if you don’t fucking like them, alright?” he blurted, cheeks turning red from the blood that was still circulating through his veins. “I swear if you get to know them…”

“They're older than you. They’re always wrapped in some shit. There’s nothing else.”

Minghao’s own temperature was beginning to rise at a slow but certain pace. Not only were his words true but the group had embraced Jun as a puppet for them to handle at their own pleasure.

Some wine? Jun could bring it. A party they hadn’t got an invite to? They would sneak out with the kid.

“I’ll kick them out myself.”

“Wait!” Jun had stopped him by the arm, fear draining the color from his face. “Let me do it.”

It was a mistake to let him go like that. He knows it now, forty years have passed, and he got the chance to memorize that evening like a hateful poem. He reproduces it in his dreams. Sometimes, he even tries to change it. Each word is cruel and it sticks to his mind like tick legs that are just impossible to rip off. Jun’s friends weren’t friendly. Apparently they had forgotten what humanity was like, just like the Boo Family had when they beat the shit out of Vernon and force him into eternity without him doing nothing to earn it.

Minghao had read about it in Vernon’s diary; midnight, late night studying and the clock ticking amid the silent of the empty library. Boo Yejin had sent his brothers to ambush Vernon for his poor decision of not choosing her love over his studies. If only he had gifted her with a pinch of his affection… then, he wouldn’t be here. Alive and suffering.

Minghao wakes up panting on the sofa. If his heart was still beating, it certainly would be sticking out of his chest. He’s home, luckily. So the initial confusion fades away pretty quickly. Like today, the majority of his nightmares are about his brother and his friends. Their stories always terrify him because they weren’t given the chance to choose or refuse this life. They were just thrown into it.

His shirt is soaked in sweat; his face is hot and throbbing and there’s a reddened hand diligently squeezing his own. It feels soft; so soft he could easily crush it with a little more pressure. It’s also warm and gentle. He has to force himself to let go because, in such a long time, he hasn’t allowed himself to feel such tenderness.

He doesn’t deserve it.

“Hey, it’s okay,” you tell him in a soothing voice. You’re wearing a raincoat. A crimson red raincoat. “You’re fine. Your family is fine. Everything’s okay now.”

“Where 's Jun?”

“We found you screaming when we got here,” you explain. “Your brother went to find Joshua. We tried waking you up, but nothing worked and you scared the shit out of us... You had a nightmare or sleep paralysis, I’m not sure. It must have been terrifying. All the things you said…”

“What did I say?”

Minghao's voice carries a sense of worry –not only had he dreamt about his brother. The taste of your blood had also been a recurring theme in his dreams.

“Just Vernon and Jun’s name... And something about them to please don’t hurt them.”

A beautiful full moon outshines the stars through the window. It pierces Minghao’s sight like the blade of the sun when the day is too bright to handle.

He had withdrawn from your touch. He didn’t want you to lay a hand on him, yet there was something about the tightness of his body and the shivering of his lips that made you feel profoundly sad when you looked at him.

That something was the need to be held. You could see it in his eyes; a skin starvation that had him rotting instead of living. The craving for a gentle touch.

The feeling leads you to briefly comb his hair with the hem of your fingers, affectionate but not too much. Loving but not too intimate. And you must have been right because as you caress him, your neighbor closes his eyes. His lips, so red like he had just bitten a strawberry.

He has to stop you, but he can’t. You need to go home, but you can’t stop brushing your fingers through the strands of his snow white hair.

The texture tricks you into believing you’re caressing the soft fur of a lamb. But what if it’s just a facade? What if he’s truly a predator?

Seungcheol wouldn’t trust him.

“Sorry,” you say in a faint voice. “I have to go. If you feel better I will just…” it physically pains you to remove your hand from his hair. “My aunt has to take her meds,” Why are you escaping? Is little red riding hood scared to be hunted by the wolf? “I left some chamomile tea in the kitchen. You should have some. It’s good for the nerves.”

“I will,” he says. But all that occupies his mind is the desperate, almost childlike need for five more seconds of your time. Chamomile won’t do anything for him when his fangs hurt inside his mouth. They will tear his skin open if he keeps pushing them back. “Thank you.”

You smile faintly. Your lips form a curve that’s meant to be as friendly as possible, but you want to touch him again.

“Anytime.”

You need to feel him as much as he needs to feel you.

Taglist 🖤 @90s-belladonna @milopenne @angel-ishere @cheiyoma @hipsdofangirl @hayleyfields33 @sojuxxi

masterlist | next chapter

[princema-k]

i would actually love to hear your thoughts on when layton would emote the ways you've drawn him! if you want! no pressure if not!

OH B OY HERE WE GO!!!!! again take everything with a grain of salt bc i Forgor bits of the series

BLANKET SPOILER FOR UNWOUND FUTURE/MIRACLE MASK MAYBE??/AZRAN LEGACY

(for reference we are talking abt this post)

SURPRISE: As we know in the PL series, it's very very hard to catch the professor off-guard in any way. Most of the things you would think would surprise him, he's already known for a long time and was just keeping quiet about it so that he could use that information at the right time.

With that being said, the times where he does seem to get somewhat surprised (or taken aback. he's so goddamn emotionally constipated) seem to be when the shocker in question has personal relation to him. Though in the series proper, none of the shocking personal factoids are ever presented in a way to make him jump. So theoretically, if any twists like Claire or Descole's reveal were presented much more aggressively, he might emote like how I've drawn him (though I kinda doubt it). Or just jumpscare him lmao

SADNESS: Obviously we know that Layton can feel sadness and cry, though even at the end of Unwound Future it's clear that he's still holding back with his crying. I'd wager that it's because he's out in public and around an impressionable individual (Luke) that he's not letting himself fully express his grief. After all, a true gentleman never makes a scene in public.

I'd say, if he were to cry like the way I've drawn him (that is, bawling his eyes out), it'd probably be at the end of UF when Luke leaves for America, and he'd have to be alone. And I mean completely alone. He'd be very careful about having anyone even remotely near him before he breaks down sobbing; he'd wait for Luke to go home, and wait a while to make sure that he hears no other footsteps around who could potentially walk in on him, before crying. And even then, he'd still repress it - trying to choke back sobs to make sure he isn't heard, pulling the brim of his hat over his eyes and covering his eyes with his hand, the works. Because sadness/crying is weakness to him, and a true gentleman can never show weakness.

ANGER: Frankly, I feel like this is one of the emotions I've drawn that I actually could see him showing in the series proper. We've seen him in Unwound Future just barely holding back his anger at Clive when he endangered Flora/started wrecking havoc on London (obviously still restrained- yadda yadda yadda "true gentleman" blah blah blah).

To get him to unrestrain it, I'd say you would have to put a lot of people he cares about (particularly his wards - Luke and Flora would likely be excellent choices) in direct danger, as well as taunt him to a personal degree enough times. Because even the Professor has limits to how much mental strain he can take, and all limits can be broken. It's just a matter of pushing the right (or wrong!) buttons on him.

FEAR: This one's tough I think. As an adult who's seen a lot (including his own death), it's pretty hard to find something that would really scare him to that degree. Throughout the series the most he seems to show in terms of fear is either: a) surprise that he quickly recovers from, or b) the end of Unwound Future when he realizes that Claire can't stay with him.

I say that theoretically (and REALLY emphasize on the "theoretically"), you might be able to get him to emote the way I've drawn him... if you subject him to anything akin to his recently unrepressed memories of his childhood, and he's rendered helpless to do anything to help but watch. But like I said, only theoretically. I'd wager that he'd probably just be angry too.

LAUGHTER: ...I honestly have no good clue to how or when he'd emote like this. For him to laugh so heartily, he'd have to be in a state of extreme emotional vulnerability, which isn't often.

I'd say it'd be at a time where he's feeling very relieved, or elated (and they'd both have to be situations that connect to him personally too; outside events won't phase him). How he'd laugh to such an extent I'm not actually sure, BUT I could paint a bit of a scenario: It's the end of UF, but Claire could actually stay without dying, and she makes a sort of lighthearted joke in light of the events. Would he laugh wholeheartedly? I dunno. But judging on what we've seen of him, it's a maybe.

It's a shame we never get to see him emote so colourfully in the hexalogy proper, but as I've stated before in another long-winded half-legible ramble character analysis, he's SEVERELY repressing his emotions due to Claire's last words/"gentleman" values/positive reinforcements from his peers and environments for successfully hiding his emotions. Poor guy.

[nightmarerodent]

✨Kombat Kid AU headcannons✨

✨Featuring Satoshi and Frost✨

Kung Jin has keys to everyone’s rooms. Note that they did not give him the keys, he’s somehow just acquired them. No one knows how he managed this, no keys are missing, but he has them all the same for “reasons”.

Kung Jin used to have a crush on Takeda but that passed back when they were still teenagers. Now they are ride or die besties that will occasionally kiss the homies good night.

In a surprise twist no one was expecting, Takeda turns out to be the only straight person on the team. Given the fact that he was raised by an emotionally repressed ninja in love with an equally emotionally repressed assassin, this came as a shock to many.

Jacqui does NOT like Satoshi. She’ll play nice with him for everyone’s sake, but she won’t easily forgive him for all the crap he’s put Takeda through physically and all the stuff he’s still being put through emotionally.

Kung Jin is also wary of Satoshi and keeps a very close eye on him. Between him and Jacqui, Satoshi is being watched like a hawk.

Cassie would smash the mindflare in Baldur’s Gate. Yes, she gets judged for it, and though Jacqui is very familiar with the benefits of sleeping with a telepath, it is still a squid, and it is gross, and Cass should feel bad. (Kung Jin would do the mindflare too)

Takeda is an amazing cook. He used to help his mother in the kitchen before she died so he’s kept up the skill as a way of keeping her memory alive. Also out of necessity because Hanzo can’t cook to save his life. Cassie often jokes that Takeda will make a great house husband for Jacqui one day.

Cassie, Frost, and Takeda are all metalheads.

Cassie is the only one that can get away with calling Frost Elsa.

A small part of Kuai Liang was happy to see Satoshi back at the Lin Kuei, but a much larger, less selfish, part of his heart was braking for Hanzo.

Frost is very protective of Satoshi but she is also very protective of her friends as well so she is put between a rock and a hard place when it comes to his feud with the SF team.

Takeda starts spending a lot more time with Kenshi and a lot less time with the Shirai Ryu after Satoshi’s return, which honestly just ends up hurting himself and everyone involved even more.

It’s Kenshi that convinces Takeda to return to Hanzo’s side because though he is Takeda’s biological father, Hanzo is his legal guardian and by all rights his father as well and the man has been sending him nonstop messages asking about him, worried sick that he had somehow upset the boy.

The look of pure, unashamed, joy on Hanzo's face when Takeda returned had Satoshi seething.

[shrinkthisviolet]

So obviously in the updated AA canon we know that it was the events of 1-5 that led Edgeworth to fake his suicide (or more likely seriously consider it before backing out) and go dark for a year...but what about in the original canon? Because 1-5 didn't exist then and 1-4 ended on a somewhat good note...what do you think Edgeworth's reasoning was in that 'verse?

YESSSS omg I’m so glad someone asked me this, because I’m delighted to talk about it! This got long, so more under the cut:

So one of the benefits of watching an Ace Attorney playthrough of JFA is getting to hear the players’ and commenters thoughts about Edgeworth’s disappearance…especially since a good chunk of them played the original DS version of the trilogy that did not include RFTA (1-5), while others played the new version (or a ported version, like me) that did include RFTA. And it changes a few things about Edgeworth.

For one thing, a change that I don’t really like is that it takes away Edgeworth knowingly forging evidence. It’s not technically contradictory because only Phoenix states it as fact and bases it on rumors he’s heard/read about and rumors can exaggerate…but it does diminish his arc a bit. I won’t go on and on about it (I could definitely do that another time), but I’ll say this to put it concisely: the arc still sorta works, it’s just weaker.

But anyway, on to the second change, and the topic of your ask: in the original version, we jump from 1-4 to 2-4 in regards to Edgeworth appearances, whereas in the new version, it’s 1-5 to 2-4. And this…is a point of contention for some.

I think in both situations, Edgeworth “choosing death” makes sense. In both cases, his entire worldview is upended. In 1-4, his mentor who he thought he could trust and greatly respected turned out to be evil and hateful enough to prosecute him for two murders, one of which von Karma committed himself (granted, von Karma wasn’t a great father himself, emotionally abusing both Edgeworth and Franziska, but that doesn’t mean they didn’t love him, strive for his love, and respect him highly as a prosecutor). And in 1-5, Lana revealed that she forged evidence during the Joe Darke trial, which Edgeworth presented believing it was legitimate, while Gant undermined and manipulated Edgeworth throughout the entire trial (and also for years before that) and directly compared them, which surely would’ve shaken Edgeworth to his core.

So to put it simply, I think in either case, the explanation is more or less the same: Edgeworth is pushed so far that his mental health suffers for it, he questions his entire career as a prosecutor, so he leaves that note and disappears. I think with either case as the final tipping point, it works…however, I think 1-5 explains it much stronger.

See, in either case, Edgeworth’s worldview is shattered in 1-4, right? It has to be. No doubt he starts to question his path after 1-4, but his responses are different.

In the original version, the von Karma case (1-4) breaks him (understandably) and he disappears, leaving his note behind, with everyone else none the wiser that he was struggling at all.

However, in the new version, in 1-5, we see him attempting to push down his emotions and keep going. This is very consistent for him because he’s been doing it for years (he repressed the events of his father’s murder so hard that he didn’t entirely remember what happened that night—his memory became a nightmare that twisted Edgeworth up and made him think he killed his own father, after all), it’s all he knows how to do, and he’d lean on it even harder after losing the man who raised and trained him for years. And it works…but then something else breaks him, because even someone as repressed as Miles Edgeworth has a breaking point.

The stuff with Damon Gant and Lana Skye, the revelations about the Darke forged evidence, Gant saying he and Edgeworth are the same after patronizing and manipulating him all trial (and for years prior), on top of everything else…yeah, that being the final impetus to break Edgeworth once and for all and make him flee absolutely makes sense and hits so much harder.

I will say, the only thing that doesn’t really make sense is Phoenix attributing Edgeworth’s disappearance to him being upset that he lost his perfect win record. Considering he worked with Phoenix in RFTA, considering Phoenix saw Edgeworth being patronized and manipulated by Damon Gant (and was there for the forgery revelation), it’s strange that Phoenix would then conclude “oh yeah he left because he got mad that his perfect streak was broken, and definitely for no other reason that merits my sympathy.” It doesn’t entirely make sense that he says that in the original version either, though (dude, you just watched Edgeworth’s mentor and guardian be convicted of murdering his dad, you think maybe that had something to do with it??), so I can let that go.

Phoenix was emotionally fraught at the time, and hurt about Edgeworth leaving without saying a word to him, so I can believe he was just venting and being unfair in his anger. Edgeworth does say that Phoenix sealing him off from a perfect win record caused him to start to change, and he acts in such a way that seems to suggest it did inform his decision to leave, but again…whether it’s 1-4 or 1-5, Phoenix’s actions were never the sole reason for Edgeworth leaving. So this isn’t necessarily changed.

You can argue Edgeworth in 1-5 is kinda OOC in that he feels like post-trilogy Edgeworth, and you’re not wrong (that’s another change I dislike), but…strictly in terms of explaining his disappearance and its circumstances, I prefer 1-5.

(sidenote: I know a lot of people consider that he contemplated suicide, and I don’t necessarily disagree with that reading, I think it’s very reasonable and possible.

However, I’ve also heard the interpretation that Edgeworth wasn’t suicidal, he just couldn’t continue to prosecute, and couldn’t stay in America with all its bad memories, so he left to go elsewhere and find himself again…hoping that when he returned, the prosecutor he once had been, the “Demon Prosecutor,” would be dead—and that’s an explanation I consider possible too, especially since his return is never really treated with the gravitas of “oh, I was suicidal, and I went to therapy while I was away, and I’m doing better now.”

Still, it wouldn’t be the first time Ace Attorney was flippant about something serious, so I find either explanation to be plausible.)

This was a looong one lol but hopefully I addressed your question to the extent you wanted!

TL;DR: I prefer RFTA’s version of events preceding Edgeworth’s disappearance because I feel it fits better with his characterization, but I also understand people who prefer the original, and I don’t think they’re as different as people might claim.

[roxannarambles]

Rambling about Volo and emotional repression

Volo's interesting because while he pretended to be protagonist's friend, his act actually wasn't perfect in some respects. He often said he was being friendly or helpful because it was good business for him. This continues in Masters, where he seems to constantly remind people that's why he's being friendly. Indeed one of his items to use on team-mates is called "This Is An Investment," something he probably constantly says to himself whenever he does something nice. "This isn't because I'm a good person or because I like this person, this isn't for the sake of being nice, it's just an investment to benefit me later" He also insists he is nice to his pokemon because he wishes to study them and you need to take care of them in order to do that

I think the reason he so often reminded people he was 'being nice' merely for the sake of good business was because he was reminding himself that. Because he didn't dare to fall into the trap of actually caring about anybody. So every time he instictively was kind, he had to tell himself, no no, it was just because it will benefit me, it's not because I care. Same for his pokemon. He told N that no no, I am nice to my pokemon because I wish to study them. Volo was saying that because he didn't dare to let himself to even think about his true feelings. Crush them down. Deny them. There's no way I truly love my pokemon deep down.

It suggests he used to be a deeply caring person and he now is constantly crushing that good nature down so that he cannot see or feel it

I don't think this is merely "wishful thinking" to find some good in him because scenes from Masters suggest he has some hidden, genuine affection for a protagonist (very sentimentally wants a photograph with them as a memento and wants them to 'remember him' as just friendly, harmless merchant Volo) and that he genuinely cares about his pokemon (the friendship evos which again, require you to go above and beyond when caring for your pokemon and spending time with them-- and likely friendship evos were not understood back then! so he didn't even know this was needed to get them to evolve and yet he did it anyway-- but also the true love and trust N heard from Togepi) Also, he wants to make a world free of pain and strife which is not exactly an evil goal, he just has a very twisted way of going about it.

This is an investment

This is just a business investment

That's all it is

He spends so much time trying not to get too close to the people and pokemon around him, keeping things strictly business, but whoops, still accidentally ended up emotionally invested.

anyway, "emotional investment" is the name of the volo fic I'll never write since I'm on writing hiatus, lol

Sidebar, the line he has when he uses that 'This is an investment' item is a very sassy "Pay me later," but delivered in such a way that to me expresses roughly "I am doing you a big favor here and I am a total baller for doing it/I am going to save your ass, and also, I don't actually care if you pay me back for it later." Whether or not he doesn't care because he wants us in his debt, or because he genuinely does not care, is up to you

[kyouka-supremacy]

you never miss about chuuaku can we hear more thoughts about them from you pretty please

Aawwwwww, thank you!!! Here's even more chuuaku thoughts. This is how their relationship would play out in my opinion:

Akutagawa joins the pm, picked up by Dazai. When he joins the pm, Chuuya is... Vaguely sympathetic for him, but not to a particularly great extent really. He's a traumatized kid from the slums, but that doesn't make him any different to like 95% of the other people Chuuya has met in the pm. Chuuya barely spares a thought for him beyond remarking how he's been twice unlucky to be recluted by Dazai of all people. He probably stops a second to wonder whether there was a meaning to Dazai choosing him - because nothing happens by chance with Dazai -, but doesn't waste too much thinking over it because it's useless to try and understand what goes through Dazai's twisted mind anyways. At this point Akutagawa just joined, and is probably not even aware of Chuuya's existence yet.

Akutagawa spends time in the pm under Dazai's training. Chuuya has slowly grown a subtle disliking for him– nothing like outright animosity, but he's annoyed, on one hand, by Akutagawa's ruthless and chaos-ridden way of executing missions, on the other, by how blindly loyal he is to Dazai. He doesn't really dwell on how Dazai is training Akutagawa; it's none of his business, he's in no place to judge how other pm members train their disciples, and it's the mafia, he never expected to find kindness in it to begin with; he'd twist his nose in disapproval whenever he catches a glimpse of what Dazai is doing to his trainee, but it's also like the tenth worst thing he's seen Dazai doing, so he doesn't really think about it.

Akutagawa, on the other end, is fastly growing hostile to Chuuya. He adores Dazai and trusts anything he says, and Dazai is constantly acting like he hates Chuuya– how could it be any different? He's still a child, and a very immature one at that. He's damaging a lot. Not to mention, he can sense Chuuya and Dazai share this connection, this complicity he can only dream to have with Dazai; his antipathy for Chuuya is heightened by jealousy in the partnership he shares with Dazai.

Dazai leaves, and hell breaks loose at the pm. Chuuya and Akutagawa are both left behind, alone and broken. They're hurting like no one can understand– no one except the other. And I don't think they talked about it right away, that year, or the year after that, and I don't think it visibly brought them closer in the immediate; but even then, they must know they're the only ones who can understand each other's pain. Especially on Chuuya's end, who is a little less repressed and a little more emotionally intelligent, this must have been the first time he felt strong sympathy for Akutagawa; because he's going through a lot, and he gets it. He gets what it feels like to be left behind without a warning or a word. He gets how it must have been, if possible, even worse for Akutagawa: because Chuuya loved Dazai, but he also hated him, and their relationship was so complex and infuriating it must have been in part relieving when he left. But Akutagawa loved Dazai blindly and without reservations, and the whole world collapsed upon him when he left, because he was his whole world, and now he's not there anymore. He was just 16.

The ship kind of sails off from there, slowly, gradually. Everyone at the pm expected Akutagawa to leave in the following days. For some reason, he doesn't. Things slowly go back to normal. Years pass, and time heals, I guess. Akutagawa's furious rage through which he would take out his pain gradually morphs in efficiency in carrying out his missions. He has to relearn what it means to have free will, but he's slowly coping. He got a promotion. Overall, he's more mature, and that ends up shrinking the distance between him and Chuuya. At first, it happens casually: waiting together that it stops raining so they can go home after a long mission, and Chuuya initiates conversation. Eventually, they end up spending more time together– at first coincidentally, because of their shared status of high ranking members, and later intentionally. Soon enough, they realize the other was actually so different than the image they had made up of them; and with that unconsciously arises the wish to learn what the other is actually like. And it's gradual and unintentional, untill they get to a point where they've become each other's safe place– they become the person they know isn't going to abandon them. It's kinda sweet :)

[oriley42]

for the ask game: 4, 7, 11, 32!!

yay, thanks so much for the ask!

very slow and belatedly (the only way to do things tbh, crip time baybee!) answered 4 and 11 here: https://oriley42.tumblr.com/post/756290836037353472/get-to-know-your-much-beloved-fic-writer-4

7. How do you choose which POV to write from?

I touched on this a little when thinking about writing favorite characters, but the primary motivator for me is often: emotionally and stylistically, who will have the most interesting internal observations about the external action? In House MD, that is so often House, because his brain is a fascinating rat's maze that keeps us all coming back twenty years after the pilot aired. The first House fic I ever wrote, A Patient's Guide to Living with ICS, is still one of my nostalgic faves because it was the first time I got to write in House's delightful, unhinged internal voice, and explore how he might experience the world at an inside layer of self--still conscious, so still a bit deluded/repressed, but also internal enough to have more honesty than the persona he projects. Because House is such a firecracker source of humor, it opens up a lot of paths to write the third-person-omniscient with a creative twist to the very structure or wording itself!

32. Name three of your favorite fanfic writers.

Man, I'm sure there are lots of wonderful fic writers in House fandom, but I haven't read nearly enough there to have an opinion yet I'm afraid (as I mention in the other ask, I tend to have an inverse relationship between writing and reading in fandom), so my picks will be from past fandom phases of mine:

patster223 is an old pal of mine and even tho we have diverged fandoms quite a bit over the years, his writing rocks even when I don't know the characters! Hit their page up for Baldur's Gate and The Witcher, PacRim and Daredevil <3

returnsandreturns always forever <3 she wrote one (1) House fic and two (2) Psych ones and infinite amazing Daredevil ones and I salivate over every notification email

blackglass is one of the best podficcers out there and produces so much amazing stuff, whenever I'm looking for a new listen or itching for something outside my usual fandoms, she's my first stop

[thefandomexpert]

hope u don’t mind the word vomit it’s 3am and i’m having Thoughts. somebody more well versed in the current fandom could write you a way better essay, but here’s mine.

i think ur right in a lot of ways, but i think the draw of the ‘no attachments’ line translating to a strict no love/no relationships rule reading is

a) a subversion; a fairly straightforward one that leans on relatable tropes (religious faction using hippie language to couch emotionally controlling cult shit is a thing people impose upon the text based on Real World Happenings tm) which in turn

a.1) spices up an, as you said, very cut and dry narrative. when star wars came out, nobody needed anything more than that simple color coding; the status of good and bad was not a question. nowadays, moral grey areas are in favor. tv governments who once fought on the side of the good and just Order against dreaded Kaos are now culpable for all the shady shit modern audiences know irl governments will do to get their way, because audiences of today will not take Order=good at face value (what constitutes Order? is Order even a natural, preferred state of the universe? preferred by whom? etc.) again i think a lot of animosity towards prequel-era jedi is (occasionally justified) fear/loathing of religious sects who exert a lot of control over their communities. i see a Lot less hate for like. og luke’s kinda loose interpretation of the jedi way (we don’t talk about the sequels and the Sacred Texts ok)

b) the emotional connections between the major jedi (particularly the qui gon ‘line’) are fucking messy. obviously this is like. The Worst Example of all of them, but they’re also our main characters for the whole prequel series, and a lot of side content (clone wars animated, etc) I’m not going to touch obi and qui gon rn, but just look at obi and anakin! even with a full support group (albeit, in the middle of a war, but Still) nobody seems to realize that just telling anakin to Let Go will not actually help him process his feelings in a way that’s meaningful to him, esp bc he hasn’t been raised from birth to be a jedi. Normal people need like. actual therapy, guys, sorry.

b.1) The greater majority of jedi KNOW this too. It’s mentioned again and again; anakin was taken too late, is too headstrong, and is not good jedi material. but he’s soooo powerful and special! they Have to train him! if he’s not a jedi he might be Bad! because the only way to definitely not be Bad is to be a Jedi which is Good. Obviously. In favor of this, they seem to accept when he just represses his issues, like ‘ok close enough!’ and so it doesn’t matter if the ‘no attachment’ line actually means ‘no attachments’ in the rulebook, because the way it’s being interpreted by anakin, the way the order is Allowing him to interpret it, it means he can’t talk about anything he feels for fear of being dismissed unhelpfully or told he shouldn’t be having issues with that stuff Anyway. And he’s not the only one who ends up with this issue in canon either, is the thing. Half the sith, ashoka…a lot of them defect because they feel like they don’t have the support in the jedi code to feel badly about…a lot of things, not just attachment, and the jedi don’t seem to have an answer beyond banishing them when they break and cross a line.

c) back to that bit about audiences today not really willing to leave things black-and-white. the prequel jedi order was, canonically, getting kinda weird with it. There’s a lot of stuff you could pick on them for, but the most obvious fan favorite is the use and treatment of the clones. (which, in part, can be justified by their lack of attachment in favor of The Greater Good!) Some of that shit is not shit Purely Good Guys do, and if they’re not Purely Good, though they make a point to insist they are, what else about them…might not be Good? What else got twisted with good intentions? any group that’s trying to sell you a black-and-white viewpoint in the real world is a dangerous one. it’s that easy, really.

This is where a lot of middle ground people stand i think (at least in my experience, and also imo lol). It’s not ‘jedi are evil and won’t let u have a partner!’ that’s like baby’s first media analysis. it’s, jedi code is probably fine actually, the clone wars era jedi order was, canonically, getting kinda cultish and powerful (esp compared to looser systems like the earlier ‘grey jedi’ from the extended lore and luke’s later interpretation in the original trilogy) and they did a bad job of teaching someone who wasn’t indoctrinated at birth their ideals and didn’t want to admit it, and this specific catastrophic incident (anakin) then seems to be indicative of a larger issue rising within their community. looking at the events of some of the extended universe/series, the jedi order’s collapse seems almost as inevitable as the sith empire’s collapse, we just happen to get front row seats to the absolute Spectacle that is the anakin skywalker supervolcano right at the end instead of some background fade into obscurity

…which Was how it was presented in the original series! hence why there’s not a lot of ‘maybe the jedi were Secretly Bad’ focused on that era. in my experience. they don’t give you a lot to work with until later

TL;DR I think you’re right for reading the intent of the original series, but audiences today don’t like being told not to question what’s Good and what’s Bad, and i Definitely don’t think it’s the intent of the extended lore (clone wars era stuff Especially!!) to present things so simply.

i wonder why it's so hard for people to understand the concept that attachment =/= love bc if it did mean love why wouldnt they just say it in the source material. star wars isn't subtle.

like we're talking about a story that has literally color coded its characters to make it glaringly obvious who the good guys and bad guys are. blue/green = good; red = bad. subtlety isn't necessary in a story that has a LIGHT and DARK side. if the jedi were barred from/disapproved of love, wouldn't they just say it...

like the jedi philosophy is just:

attachment = no

letting go = yes

letting go =/= ignoring and repressing, it literally means to Not Be Attached

don't cling. allow things to take their natural course. that's it bro cmon 😭

[adorethedistance]

9 P.M. - Alive!Luke Patterson x Reader Modern Day!AU

JATP masterlist

Warnings: swearing, mentions of suicide, painful breakup, and angst.

Words: 1991

Summary: Luke breaking up with you made your world stop turning, and when it finally starts moving again after four long months, Luke is back in typical agitator fashion.

A/N: Not requested, and I wrote this in about two hours so bear that in mind. I’ve been toying with an angst idea for a little bit now, and because all of my requests rn are fluff, I decided why not give Luke a little love since it’s been a minute since my last Luke fic. This isn’t proofread so proceed with caution.

“What are you doing here, Luke?” Dana’s voice cuts clear over the mindless chatter in the busy diner. She tucks a stack of menus under her arm to brush a loose strand of sandy blonde hair out of her face.

“I’m here to talk to Y/n. She isn’t returning my calls and she only has her phone on silent when she’s working.”

A solid four months ago, Luke Patterson had broken Y/n Y/l/n’s heart into a couple billion pieces in this very diner. After Luke requested to meet up as soon as possible, Y/n told him she’d be clocking out for the night around 9 PM, and true to his previous request Luke had arrived at 9 on the dot. He considered taking her to his car for more privacy but in fear of forgetting his long, crafted speech, he opted for a secluded booth in the very back corner of her diner.

He still remembers the evening, clear as day. They sat down across from one another on the red vinyl seats with nervous tension exponentially rising between them. He remembers the way she ruffled her loose hair after having it pulled back for an 8-hour shift. He remembers the way she rested her right ankle on her left knee to massage away the calf pain from 8 hours of waiting tables. And he remembers the way her warm smile disappeared after he uttered the words “I think we should break up.”

Y/n was so shocked she couldn’t respond. Everything seemed to be going well between them. They had said their first ‘I love you’s and she had even opened up to the possibility of giving him her virginity. And here he was, a mere week later, claiming that he had fallen out of love with her over the span of a month.

Tears clouded her vision. She was quick to wipe them away before they fell, something Luke noticed that she only did when she was crying out of anger. With her normal sadness or even stress she just lets her emotions run their course. But the anger swelling inside of her at that moment, she so desperately wanted to hide. As a result, she brushed them away. She bit her tongue. She saved face, not wanting to let Luke know just how much he had hurt her.

Luke expected a full-on interrogation. He knew Y/n’s mind was one of insatiable curiosity and she had to have at least a million questions. However, if she did, she didn’t show it. The only question she asked, “Is this really what you want?” Her voice was steady, but Luke knew how badly she wanted to tear him apart, to ravage him right then and there. But after losing such a huge part of herself, Luke, she held onto her dignity so tight it nearly crumbled into dust and blew out of her clenched fingers. Without asking for any more information, she slipped out of the booth and hurried to her car as fast as her walk could take her.

At the time, Luke felt guilty for making her cry. Now he feels guilty for ever having let her believe she wasn’t good enough for him. The only problem is she wouldn’t give him the chance. And her best friend, Dana, didn’t seem like she would give him one either.

“Well, she’s not here. Have you ever considered she’s not returning your calls when she’s off of work, too?”

“Dana, I need to talk to her-”

“What could you possibly have left to say, Luke? Whatever you said to her that night broke her, it absolutely destroyed her. She hasn’t been the same since.” Luke had no trouble believing that was true, which is why it hurt so bad to hear, granted it didn’t hurt as bad as how Y/n felt that night.

“What? No- I-I really need to talk to her.”

“You really don’t.”

“I have to get her back, Dana!” A tornado of shock and anger consumes Dana to the point where all she can do is let out a bitter laugh. The look in Luke’s eyes indicates how hurt he is by her laughter, and Dana’s desire for vengeance has never been so strong. So, she continues to tell the truth. The ferocious, unabridged, hurtful truth,

“You don’t deserve a second chance. You don’t even deserve an attempt at a second chance. Knowing her, Y/n would never tell you this, but I will: you fucked up so bad, you made her almost make the biggest mistake of her life.”

“What?” Luke almost hesitates to ask, knowing he won’t like the answer.

“That night, she came to my place and cried so hard for three hours before she could even get a coherent word out. She stayed with me for three days and, had my shift not ended early that Tuesday, she wouldn’t be alive today.” The dumbstruck look on Luke’s face is only more motivation for Dana to twist the knife, “She almost didn’t survive losing you, Luke. And god forbid she gives you a second chance because she won’t survive losing you again.”

The diner is just crowded enough that no one is paying the two of them any mind as they faceoff by the hostess stand. Dana spent four long months consoling her best friend back to life, and she was not about to let Luke destroy all the hard work Y/n had put into healing.

“I can make this right.”

“How could you possibly make this right?”

“I know more now than I did before. I’ve changed!”

“So has she.” Dana’s biting words render Luke speechless. Once she realizes her work here is done, she continues setting up tables as they’re disinfected.

__________________________

Luke’s conversation with Dana in the diner left him shellshocked, but it also lit a fire under his ass that he needed to move forward. Rather than discouraging him, Dana’s words gave him a greater incentive to win her back: proof that he was willing to do what he said he would. At least, that’s what Luke told himself. Rather than stepping into the future with greater clarity, Luke went into the world with confidence so large and blinding, his actions may sabotage his true intentions.

That’s how he found himself so determined to win Y/n back. And that’s how he found himself face to face with the front door of her home. It’s 9 PM, just early enough to where she’d be home for the day, just early enough to where she wouldn’t be asleep, and hauntingly just the exact time he had broken her heart all those months ago. Before giving his conviction a chance to back out, he was raising a steady hand to ring the doorbell of her residence.

Y/n opened the door without much thought, expecting a food delivery; she was drastically off-put by Luke’s presence at her doorstep this late.

“Oh.” Was the only response manageable for the tired waitress.

“Hi. Can we talk?”

There it was. The phrase that was a paradoxical toss-up regarding her emotional state. Half of her has been waiting for this day for so long, dreaming of the boyfriend she once knew to come genuinely heartbroken and remorseful to win her back. The other half was terrified of this impending day as she realized she wasn’t nearly as emotionally strong enough to handle the situation as she thought. 

‘Oh’ was the only response manageable for the tired waitress.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Please just give me five minutes and if you never want to hear from me for the rest of your life, I’ll never bother you again,” he rushes out, knowing his time is finite. For what short period of time he thought it over, Luke always imagined pouring his heart out on her front doorstep. That’s why her silent sidestep and opening of the door caught him so off guard. He hadn’t anticipated her to actually give him a decent chance. Why would she? He broke up with her in the very diner she works in full time and crushed her heart so completely, the only things left behind had to be contempt and resentment.

Luke crossed the threshold of her small, cramped LA home with his heart on his sleeve. Reluctantly closing the door behind him, Y/n walks to her living room and sits on the couch amidst a mess of popcorn, her favorite chocolates, used tissues, and a bottle of Advil. The night Luke broke up with Y/n was four months ago and she’s still spending her Friday nights alone crying on her couch with a rom-com on the tv. A sharp pang of guilt cuts through Luke’s chest like a machete and his previous confidence completely dissipates into sadness. Though, he can’t tell if it’s actually remorse or just general pity.

“What did you want to talk about?” Y/n asks as if she doesn’t know what conversation they’re about to have. Luke takes a deep breath to prepare himself as best as he can before explaining what’s been on his mind.

“I am so sorry, Y/n.” His hopes for any sort of reaction are crushed once her blank stare doesn’t waver. In spite of everything that’s happened thus far, this is the moment Luke realizes this would be a lot more difficult than he anticipated. “That night, you asked if taking a break from… us was what I really wanted.”

“I remember.”

“I said yes and you left right after that. I know you’ve blocked my socials, but you haven’t blocked my calls, you just don’t answer. I’m sure you’ve got to be interested in why, you’re a very curious person.”

Luke wasn’t wrong there, Y/n had been wondering why. She had been wondering why since the words left his mouth that night, but she repressed that curiosity. She repressed it because she knew that whatever the answer was, it didn’t make any difference. Luke wasn’t hers to have anymore and that was what really mattered.

“I did it because I thought I was falling out of love with you.”

“You thought?”

“I wasn’t actually falling out of love with you.”

“You weren’t?”

“No.”

“Then why’d you break it off?”

“I thought I was falling out of love with you but really my attraction was just changing. Instead of just spontaneous and passionate and exciting, I began to see our relationship as comforting and secure as well as those other things. I thought my comfortability was falling out of love, but really, I was falling in love. I was no longer just super infatuated with you, I was in love with you. Genuine love.”

“Luke…” Y/n trails off. She has no real idea of what it is she’s thinking so she opts to let Luke continue until she can figure it out.

“I love you, Y/n. And I broke things off because, before you, I didn’t understand love. Hell, with you I didn’t understand it was love, but now I do! I love you.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“So, what does this all mean?” Luke draws in a nervous breath, identical to the one he used to soothe his nerves as he stepped into the all-too-familiar house.

“I know I don’t deserve it because of what I put you through… but all I’m asking is for a chance to prove that I really do love you.” The looking shimmering across Y/n’s eyes tells Luke how her thoughts are running wild. She’s experiencing a new train of thought at a mile a minute and it terrifies both of them.

“You hurt me, Luke. And I want to hate you so much for everything that you put me through, but I don’t, and I hate myself for that. But, I’m sorry. I can’t give you a second chance.”

***

Taglist: @caitsymichelle13​ @kaitlyn2907​ @itz-jas​ @crybabyddl​ @kcd15​ @kinda-really-lost​ @calamitykaty​ @morganayennefertyrell @n0wornever​ @dream-a-little-bigger-x​ @mrstodorooki @vicesvsvirturesfanfic @curlybrownhairedboys​ @amazinggracy​ @kaitieskidmore1​ @asdfghjkl-fanfics​ @ghostlygreenbean​ @juliefromaustralia @merceret​ @jemimah-b99​ @ifilwtmfc​ @thesweetestsinner​ @imsydneywalker​ @lovesanimals​ @thebloodthirstyvampress​ @bumbleberry-pie​ @losers-club6​ @tefilovesreading​ @dmcfarland1​@joynerxmercer @kexrtiz​ @talk-on-the-street​ @phantompogues​ @konciousdreamer​ @sunsetcurvej​ @warmnesss0ul​

[otakusheep15]

Hi, I’m Odette, she/her, looking for both a Obey Me and Twisted Wonderland match-up! 

I'm an ENTP borderline INTP, I feel more in check with my emotions than most XNTPs but, I also repress them for logical thinking anyways. My favorite colours are pink and green, but Pink is the main colour of my life everything I own is pink. I need people who are similar minded and I don't take anything less, I want someone who is logical and precise like me. I can be very vain and a perfectionist with prideful tendencies. Sad backstory time-trigger warning: child abuse 

My mom abandoned me until the age of 3, my father left me to be with my stepmother when I was in first grade, and my mom started getting verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive often locking me in my closet with no food for hours at a time for being not perfect at ballet and studying from ages 8 to 13. 

I like history fashion, sewing, drama, a lot of reading, I do ballet and I love classical music. I like hot tea and my favourite food is red velvet cake or shrimp scampi.  - 🦢

I match you with Simeon and Vil!

I'm gonna be splitting them up for this one since I have different reasoning for each, so sorry if this is long.

First, let's start with Simeon. He's very calm, level-headed, and he's smart with anything that doesn't involve technology. Simeon is also very creative, and it's easy for him to pick up on others emotions. I feel like he'd be a good counter to you in a few different ways. You very much remind me of Lucifer in the sense that you're both prideful and rather vain. Simeon is good at dealing with Lucifer, so I feel like he could also get along with you nicely. He'd be kind and nice, but he wouldn't let you get overly prideful without calling you out on it. However, he'd still be nice to you since that's just who he is.

I feel like he'd also be good at helping you handle any lingering feelings you might have about your past. Simeon is a great listener, and he gives amazing advice. He's gentle and kind, but he won't sugar-coat anything he tells you. He'd be blunt with his advice, but not unkind. In general, he'd just be very soft with you, and he'd be there whenever you need, even for the smallest of things. Simeon could hold his own in any situation you might put him through, and rarely would he ever get upset with you for anything.

As for your hobbies, you already know he'd be super into most of them. I guarantee you Simeon knows a decent amount of history considering how long he's been alive, so you could ask him anything history related and he'd probably have an answer. I feel like he probably also knows how to sew, and if not, he'd be a quick learner. Of course, Simeon is an author, so he likes to read, and I'm sure he has plenty of recommendations he can give you. Ballet and classical also seem like something he'd enjoy, especially if he were with you. Simeon can also cook very well, so he would absolutely make you all of the cake and scampi your heart could want.

Now, time for Vil. You two give off very similar vibes, and I think that's why y'all would be such a good match. Both of you like partners with a very similar personality as yourself, and you rarely settle for less. Vil himself can be rather prideful and vain, as is usually the nature of Pomefiore students. However, he is not one to let that get in his way, and he can be kind and open-minded if need be. Vil is also very, very intelligent and precise, which is exactly how he became so popular to begin with. He knows what he wants and how he wants it, and I feel like that's something you could appreciate.

As for your childhood, I'm not quite sure how he'd handle it. Obviously, he'd still a caring person to those he is close to, so he would not do something to purposefully upset you or remind you of those times, but I don't think he'd be the best person to go to if you're ever struggling and need proper advice. However, he is great at giving you distractions and taking your mind off of nay painful memories. Getting someone to relax is something I feel like Vil would be good at, and he'd so whatever it takes to get you to relax.

As for your hobbies, I could very much see him getting into them. Fashion is, of course, something Vil cares a lot about, so the two of you have plenty in common there. I feel like he'd also appreciate someone who can sew like yourself. Ballet and classical music are also two things I could see him enjoying, and he'd loves them even more if you were enjoying them with him. He may not be the best at cooking, but if him making your favorite foods would make you happy, he'd gladly try his best.

Rules for matchups

[eldrxtch]

It’s been a while since you posted that drawing of Lokee strangling his younger self, but I still think about it sometimes. Do you think you could reveal why you drew him doing that?

Oh! We actually kind of covered this in session so I'm free to share it!

It's very dark so I'll put it under a readmore though, with some trigger warnings beforehand ofc Trigger Warnings: Verbal/Emotional/Physical Abuse, Suicidal Ideation (kind of?? not directly stated though but implied by the art), Self-Harm (kind of??)

It's mostly about how Lokee views himself in terms of who he is now and also who he was as a child. His mother was abusive physically, emotionally, and mentally but I didn't want it to be just..another (misogynistic) evil mother trope, alongside the fact that abuse is very very rarely so black and white. To my understanding and personal experience, one of the biggest reasons that victims struggle so much with how to process their abuse a lot of times is because the person that's doing this to them is someone they love. Sometimes there are happy memories sprinkled throughout the really bad situation, and a lot of the pain comes from having to rationalize that the same person who you share these happier memories with is the one who's hurt you so badly.

Lokee's means of justifying that, and rationalizing it, is incredibly unhealthy currently. The goal with him is to eventually work through it, but, as of right now he sees himself as the guilty party with what happened to him in his childhood, because that was part of the verbal/emotional abuse thrown at him. That he was the abuser and she was his victim, even though he was a literal child. Because of that, there's a lot of repressed self-hatred that he hasn't really... processed?

There was a scene in the campaign where he had to relive a childhood memory, except twisted with his emotional state. He ended up confronting and blaming his child self, but I didn't want to outright make it as dark as it was in the picture because D&D is NOT supposed to get that dark and uncomfortable in my opinion. Having him outright strangling his kid self would have kind of killed the vibes we had going on, and although the scene ended up being really heartbreaking and sad in a more ttrpg appropriate way, I still wanted to capture the thing the character would have done in a separate written scenario somewhere, and so I drew it.

Lokee is the comic relief type party member in the campaign, but with a lot of hidden layers beneath all the jokes and shenanigans haha

I swear he's not supposed to be edgy for edgy's sake or anything! I've tried to come at his backstory as respectfully as possible but with enough emotional distance that it's not like, triggering/traumatizing for me or anyone playing alongside me, if that makes sense? I put a lot of work and love into this boy, and the last thing I want to happen is for him to be a source of discomfort for anyone, tbh

BUT YEAH, thanks so much for your curiosity and I'm sorry if this was darker than you were expecting;;

[dianartemiss]

So on Tim after death. Tim AD. I just had a braingasm. Tim's always trying to fix things and always in the most convoluted, fucked up way possible. And my idea of Tim here is that his focus is so much more on Dick than Bruce, reversed from canon-Jason. Tim's always been so Robin focused anyway.

I had thoughts about Tim doing something with Blockbuster or Deathstroke since they're all Nightwing focused and then realized that they're not interesting to me in this context. What would Tim do that he could convince himself was helpful but would be twisted by the gift that keeps giving (pit madness).

Tim sees that Dick and Bruce are still distant and that Nightwing is rarely in Gotham. And there's a baby Robin that could really use some actual guidance this time. Because Tim dying is totally Dick's fault for not being a mentor. (Dick is involved with Jason's life and they are brothers but Tim is a lil mono-focused and traumatized to all hell so he's not thinking clearly)

So Tim decides to take over Bludhaven. This way he can make it 'okay' so that Dick doesn't need to be there to help anymore. He can also (tho he's probably Not Thinking About It) prove to his predecessor that he is actually worth something and capable. He does a lot of awful shit but is also kind of like a cat leaving murder-presents for his Favorite Person.

Post-death and return Tim in my au thoughts is pretty entirely focused on Dick and his failures but won't admit that they're failures because then he'd have to admit that his idol was never perfect. But all that suppressed rage has to go somewhere. Tim tells himself he's doing the right thing to help the batfam, the ends justify the means, but really a part of him just wants to torment Dick for not living up to this idea he built up in his head.

Why not be mad at Bruce? I feel like Tim's always known that Bruce is imperfect and kind of a trashfire sometimes, they're kind of a lot alike so it's easy to point of Bruce's issues. And Tim already had a Dad that (he thought) was decent. He's never had a big brother that was supposed to protect him so that spot is open for a pile of issues.

it'd probably culminate is some plot involving Jason bc what's a reverse Robins without a Titan's Tower parallel...

Tim maybe sets up Robin-lures, things that a confident baby bird would look at and say "I totally don't need to tell Batman about this". Jason gets snatched up (and is in Real Danger bc it has to be believable or Dick and Bruce I guess might not react as predicted). Tim is trying to explain things like "Look, you're getting The Best big brother mentor out of this, kid" but Jason is too Done and emotionally intelligent for this bullshit.

Jason very unkindly tells Tim to stop projecting and go to therapy, fuckface.

there'd be a lot of yelling and when Nightwing shows up Tim's emotional-repression-dam has probably been busted to hell by Jason (who's had A Lot of practice with Bruce) and all the vitriol and disappointment he's been hiding from comes pouring out. there's probably either hugs or a quick retreat, undecided.

i'm being eaten alive by this brain worm (and if anyone else wants to utilize or build on any of it, feel free). so what if you had a partial reverse-robins au where it's just Tim and Jason switched. Dick is still the oldest and Damian the youngest.

you have little attention starved Tim, orphaned early and taken in by Bruce, absolutely idolizing Dick Grayson and wanting to make him proud. meanwhile, Dick is still used to being an only child and angry as hell at Bruce and reacts much like he did to canon Jason... angry and resentful at this new baby that his Dad replaced him with and didn't even bother to tell him about. you get this kid who's more obedient, more like Bruce, and who's benefiting from Bruce's mellowed temperament and greater parenting experience. so it looks like favoritism and Dick is very understandably Upset.

so Tim is crushed and reacts to his idol seemingly hating him by just... evading. he doesn't argue or defend himself, he just Avoids. and my thinking here is that a tiny ferocious child arguing back and basically saying "Look at me!" would disrupt Dick's spiraling better than avoidance. so the two stay pretty separate and never really bond. Tim still thinks the world of his would-be brother because Tim's never seen an issue that he wouldn't blame himself for if given the chance.

i'd love the exploration of the differences between canon-Jason's experiences and au-Tim's and their feelings toward Bruce and Dick. because Tim has all these preconceived notions and ivory towers that would result in him interacting very differently.

then Tim gets murdered somehow, idk. no parents left to lure him away. he'd probably try to handle some shit solo that he really couldn't. and why not do a different villain than the Joker. why not like, Penguin maybe with a resulting business, white-collar crime Tim. or Two-Face and focus on arms deals and shit. something different than Jason's Red Hood with a focus on drugs and the Joker.

Jason obviously wouldn't walk up to the manor and demand to be Robin bc Bruce is off the rails. maybe a Jason stealing the tires as per canon but being pants-shitting terrified that Batman's going to kill him and Bruce snapping out of it to go "Oh shit, i'm terrorizing a baby". or little good-hearted Jason seeing Batman Whaling on a dude he vaguely knows and going after him with a tire iron because petty crime doesn't deserve being put in a body cast.

Tim shoe-horned himself in to make things better and give Bruce someone to protect and do better for. I can see Jason shaming Bruce into it instead because he's bold and has very defined morals, and the people Batman is half-killing are largely his people.

idk, might have more thoughts later but i'm tired of typing.

[onlydylanobrien]

Dylan O’Brien is on the run. Quite literally.

It’s a crisp October afternoon on the Toronto set of Flashback and the former Teen Wolf star has just arrived. O’Brien gives director Christopher MacBride a hug before gearing up for the physical sequence on the horizon. As the cameras begin to roll, the 29-year-old actor sprints up the staircase of an abandoned warehouse. Again, and again, and again. As he repeats the scene, O’Brien lightheartedly voices his concerns about holding his head up during his mad dash. “I’m untrained as an actor,” he says to MacBride.

“That was just me joking about things in movies that you don’t think about, like trying to run upstairs and you are not watching your feet because you have to keep your head up for the camera,” O’Brien tells SYFY WIRE as he plunks down on a chair in a remote corner of the building. Running at full tilt, while also ensuring that you’re making sure the camera can capture your performance, is a skill in and of itself, it turns out. “It’s hilarious because then you are tripping and you’re like, ‘Oh, this is not easy.' It’s one of those funny little things. This must be what they teach you in acting school.”

Landing in select theaters and VOD on June 4, Flashback — previously titled The Education of Fredrick Fitzell — follows Fredrick Fitzell, an ordinary guy on the cusp of his 30s. Locked in a corporate job, he must make some tough decisions regarding the next chapter of his life and career. To complicate matters, a chance encounter with a man from Fredrick’s past triggers disturbing memories of Cindy, a high school classmate who vanished. To unravel the mystery behind her disappearance, Fredrick turns to his old druggie buddies and the substance Mercury. Could a trippy bender unlock his repressed memories… or allow something more troubling to resurface?

Fredrick’s existential crisis immediately spoke to O’Brien. The New York City native previously suffered an accident, involving a stunt gone wrong, while filming his movie, The Maze Runner: The Death Cure. The incident left an injured O’Brien hospitalized, broken, and mulling whether to continue acting.

“The two things I had done the longest since I started acting were Teen Wolf and Maze Runner,” O’Brien says. “I had always had those homes and knew I would be moving on from those at some point. They happened in the same year, too. They both kind of ended. It was a new stage that I was going to be entering into. I wanted to take my time, for me personally, because I had been going nonstop since I was 18. I always believed that as an artist, the only thing you are inspired by is life and experience. You can’t be on set all the time. I was reading a lot and trying to figure out and feel what was right to do next. I wanted to be patient about that.

“I read this script and called my manager, ‘I absolutely love this!'" he adds. "It’s an incredibly well-written script and wildly unique. It’s completely out there, and yet, at the same time, it’s really structured and written by somebody who knows what they are doing. Beyond that, it felt like my world at the time. Something could not have fallen into my lap that I was more connected to.”

Although marketed as a psychological thriller, Flashback’s narrative is rooted in genre, with elements of horror and sci-fi. Reminiscent of Jacob’s Ladder, the story switches between past, present, and future versions of Fredrick. In addition, a horrifying creature, with a personal connection to Fredrick, haunts his visions. The monster serves as an interesting device used as a metaphor for motherhood and exploring the complexities with a parent.

“I love that instead of hammering home what his relationship was like with his mother in the script, it’s sort of a very important piece of the film that he’s losing his mother,” explains O’Brien. “You never really see how he feels about that, outside of what he is going through. The only way you do that is through this creature and through this hovering energy.”

Viewers will be treated to multiple Fredricks (nine, to be precise) on this deeply personal journey. There’s 17-year-old teen Fredrick, his present-day self, and an older version. O’Brien was impressed by the aging and de-aging process — enough that he admits to occasionally getting a little lost in time.

“Every day, I’m like, ‘Where the hell am I?’” he jokes.

“The makeup team has been doing an amazing job because it’s not an easy thing to do and you have to be subtle with it,” O’Brien says. “They will do things, like when I’m 30, it’s no makeup aside from enhancing my little wrinkles that I have, the natural things in my face and have a little scruff. Then, at 17, they are young-ing us up. They put makeup on us to make our skin look younger, our face look better. A little foundation smoothes everything out. We shave and try to cover up the shadow.

“I didn’t expect it to be so mentally and emotionally draining,” he continues. “I do feel spent at the end of so many days. It’s a lot of focus. Again, in this time crunch of 25 days, sometimes we are doing three big scenes of the entire arc of the film, three completely different stages of his life. I want the performance to be there. It’s difficult, but it’s such a fun challenge because it’s something I connect to, something I dearly care about and want to get right.”

O’Brien concludes, “It’s been nothing but a blast and a pleasure to have that challenge of exploring these subtly different nine versions of this guy and having traces of him still be there in each and every one.”