#ace attorney is one of those fixations that just keeps coming back

[shrinkthisviolet]

So obviously in the updated AA canon we know that it was the events of 1-5 that led Edgeworth to fake his suicide (or more likely seriously consider it before backing out) and go dark for a year...but what about in the original canon? Because 1-5 didn't exist then and 1-4 ended on a somewhat good note...what do you think Edgeworth's reasoning was in that 'verse?

YESSSS omg I’m so glad someone asked me this, because I’m delighted to talk about it! This got long, so more under the cut:

So one of the benefits of watching an Ace Attorney playthrough of JFA is getting to hear the players’ and commenters thoughts about Edgeworth’s disappearance…especially since a good chunk of them played the original DS version of the trilogy that did not include RFTA (1-5), while others played the new version (or a ported version, like me) that did include RFTA. And it changes a few things about Edgeworth.

For one thing, a change that I don’t really like is that it takes away Edgeworth knowingly forging evidence. It’s not technically contradictory because only Phoenix states it as fact and bases it on rumors he’s heard/read about and rumors can exaggerate…but it does diminish his arc a bit. I won’t go on and on about it (I could definitely do that another time), but I’ll say this to put it concisely: the arc still sorta works, it’s just weaker.

But anyway, on to the second change, and the topic of your ask: in the original version, we jump from 1-4 to 2-4 in regards to Edgeworth appearances, whereas in the new version, it’s 1-5 to 2-4. And this…is a point of contention for some.

I think in both situations, Edgeworth “choosing death” makes sense. In both cases, his entire worldview is upended. In 1-4, his mentor who he thought he could trust and greatly respected turned out to be evil and hateful enough to prosecute him for two murders, one of which von Karma committed himself (granted, von Karma wasn’t a great father himself, emotionally abusing both Edgeworth and Franziska, but that doesn’t mean they didn’t love him, strive for his love, and respect him highly as a prosecutor). And in 1-5, Lana revealed that she forged evidence during the Joe Darke trial, which Edgeworth presented believing it was legitimate, while Gant undermined and manipulated Edgeworth throughout the entire trial (and also for years before that) and directly compared them, which surely would’ve shaken Edgeworth to his core.

So to put it simply, I think in either case, the explanation is more or less the same: Edgeworth is pushed so far that his mental health suffers for it, he questions his entire career as a prosecutor, so he leaves that note and disappears. I think with either case as the final tipping point, it works…however, I think 1-5 explains it much stronger.

See, in either case, Edgeworth’s worldview is shattered in 1-4, right? It has to be. No doubt he starts to question his path after 1-4, but his responses are different.

In the original version, the von Karma case (1-4) breaks him (understandably) and he disappears, leaving his note behind, with everyone else none the wiser that he was struggling at all.

However, in the new version, in 1-5, we see him attempting to push down his emotions and keep going. This is very consistent for him because he’s been doing it for years (he repressed the events of his father’s murder so hard that he didn’t entirely remember what happened that night—his memory became a nightmare that twisted Edgeworth up and made him think he killed his own father, after all), it’s all he knows how to do, and he’d lean on it even harder after losing the man who raised and trained him for years. And it works…but then something else breaks him, because even someone as repressed as Miles Edgeworth has a breaking point.

The stuff with Damon Gant and Lana Skye, the revelations about the Darke forged evidence, Gant saying he and Edgeworth are the same after patronizing and manipulating him all trial (and for years prior), on top of everything else…yeah, that being the final impetus to break Edgeworth once and for all and make him flee absolutely makes sense and hits so much harder.

I will say, the only thing that doesn’t really make sense is Phoenix attributing Edgeworth’s disappearance to him being upset that he lost his perfect win record. Considering he worked with Phoenix in RFTA, considering Phoenix saw Edgeworth being patronized and manipulated by Damon Gant (and was there for the forgery revelation), it’s strange that Phoenix would then conclude “oh yeah he left because he got mad that his perfect streak was broken, and definitely for no other reason that merits my sympathy.” It doesn’t entirely make sense that he says that in the original version either, though (dude, you just watched Edgeworth’s mentor and guardian be convicted of murdering his dad, you think maybe that had something to do with it??), so I can let that go.

Phoenix was emotionally fraught at the time, and hurt about Edgeworth leaving without saying a word to him, so I can believe he was just venting and being unfair in his anger. Edgeworth does say that Phoenix sealing him off from a perfect win record caused him to start to change, and he acts in such a way that seems to suggest it did inform his decision to leave, but again…whether it’s 1-4 or 1-5, Phoenix’s actions were never the sole reason for Edgeworth leaving. So this isn’t necessarily changed.

You can argue Edgeworth in 1-5 is kinda OOC in that he feels like post-trilogy Edgeworth, and you’re not wrong (that’s another change I dislike), but…strictly in terms of explaining his disappearance and its circumstances, I prefer 1-5.

(sidenote: I know a lot of people consider that he contemplated suicide, and I don’t necessarily disagree with that reading, I think it’s very reasonable and possible.

However, I’ve also heard the interpretation that Edgeworth wasn’t suicidal, he just couldn’t continue to prosecute, and couldn’t stay in America with all its bad memories, so he left to go elsewhere and find himself again…hoping that when he returned, the prosecutor he once had been, the “Demon Prosecutor,” would be dead—and that’s an explanation I consider possible too, especially since his return is never really treated with the gravitas of “oh, I was suicidal, and I went to therapy while I was away, and I’m doing better now.”

Still, it wouldn’t be the first time Ace Attorney was flippant about something serious, so I find either explanation to be plausible.)

This was a looong one lol but hopefully I addressed your question to the extent you wanted!

TL;DR: I prefer RFTA’s version of events preceding Edgeworth’s disappearance because I feel it fits better with his characterization, but I also understand people who prefer the original, and I don’t think they’re as different as people might claim.

[dudski]

Tagged by @succdale who did not think I would do this based on twenty years of observed behavior BUT CURVEBALL I'M DOING IT ANYWAY

Three ships:

1. Buck/Eddie 911, THE FIC FIXATION DU JOUR. Sometimes I find a son and I say "my boy needs a LOVING FAMILY" and then he meets a single dad who becomes the person who knows and trusts him best in the entire world, and whose kid he loves like his own, but the showrunners are COWARDS and CRIMINALS and it's just not going to happen, hence: the fic.

2. Buck/Taylor 911. Sometimes cowards and criminals make some points? BUCK/TAYLOR...IT FUCKING RULES ACTUALLY. I am extremely high on them this week because @succdale just watched S5 and Finally I Am Understood. It's fandom and we all know this but HAVING A FRIEND TO SHARE THESE FEELINGS WITH IS A BEAUTIFUL THING!!!!! Listen. I watch 911 with a heart full of love but also rage, constantly keeping a mental tally of a) Who Is Supporting My Perfect Son Buck Who Has Literally Only Done One Wrong Thing Ever And It Wasn't Even That Big A Deal, and b) Who Is Inexplicably Not Supporting Him And Needs To Answer For This At The Hague. AND TAYLOR SHOWS UP! SHE'S DOING THE WORK, FOLKS! IT'S GOOD! IT'S EXTREMELY GOOD!

3. Rich Joe/Poor Joe from 2 Joe 2 Millionaire. (It's not called 2 Joe 2 Millionaire but it should be.) I don't need more people to watch this show for the sake of having there be conversation around this show, because the show is whatever. I need more people to watch this show so that THE WORD CAN GET OUT THAT 2 JOE 2 MILLIONAIRE AUs NEED TO BE A STAPLE OF EVERY FANDOM WE'VE GOT. THESE NEED TO BE THE NEW COFFEE SHOP AU. The Joes can't be 100% honest with anyone but each other? They keep going on group dates with all these women where the Joes have to step away for some alone time so that Rich Joe can talk Poor Joe through an absolute meltdown brought on by this one woman that Rich Joe wishes Poor Joe would see isn't any good for him? They start and end every episode in quiet domestic bliss at THE GENTLEMEN'S QUARTERS? I don't care if anyone else ever learns these men's names but I need that one breakout hit AU to exist so that other people can be like "okay, this is exquisite" and it can become a common premise.

First ever ship: I'm going to say this was Rachel/Tobias from Animorphs. Nine year old dudski lived for that shit.

Last song: Last song I listened to was Liz Phair - Why Can't I, last song added to the rotation was Travis Tritt - Bible Belt aka the end credits song from My Cousin Vinny.

Last film: 12 Angry Men! I said it in tags already but THAT MOVIE FUCKS? Like I knew it was a classic but I was WILDLY invested the entire time.

Currently reading: I'm reading a book a week this year! I'm about to start Blood Sweat and Pixels by Jason Schreier bc the ebook was (and still is) on sale for 1.99. I read Of Mice and Men the other day because it was the end of the week and I hadn't read anything and needed a quick gimme.

Currently watching: Weekly: The Righteous Gemstones, The Gilded Age, The Amazing Race, Abbott Elementary, Joe Millionaire: For Richer or Poorer. Just finished Yellowjackets yesterday, starting My Country: The New Age this week.

Currently playing: Adding this in! I'm in the middle of three games right now which is usually a no-no for me but eh, with these three it works. I take a break between cases in The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles so I don't burn out, Slay the Spire has no story so it's easy enough to balance with other games, and I'm like two thirds of the way through A Night in the Woods.

Currently consuming: Cinnamon raisin English muffin and iced coffee...the breakfast of champions.

Currently craving: I don't really do food cravings BUT I NEED A NEW PHONE

I'm not tagging anyone this is where those years of observed behavior come back in

[gottagobuycheese]

4, 5, 7 for the writing meme. Thanks!

(Writing meme)

Thank YOU for indulging me with these questions, and sorry for taking so long to answer! What is possibly my final finals season just about wrapped up, and I couldn’t think about anything else until it did (so fingers crossed it really has wrapped up lmao). So without further ado, here are some unnecessarily long answers!

4. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Care to share one of them?

Ideas as in “I am actively working on this/making notes about it” or ideas as in “I have daydreamed about it at least once”? Because there’s…definitely way more of the second than the first lol.

But if we’re talking the former, then the thing that’s currently gripping my mind is a (hopefully) short post-true ending Undertale fic in which Undyne and Asgore catch up over tea and somehow get around to talking about the nature of human souls and what it what it takes to actually collect one (i.e. what it took to really, truly perma-kill a human). The problem is I don’t remember how much each character actually knows about the subject, so I’m rewatching a pacifist playthrough as “research” — and also falling back headfirst into the vast plethora of content that exists for the source material, predictably. It’s been a good few years since I was this fixated on it, which is great news for me because there is SO MUCH stuff to catch up on! (Tangentially, I guess it was kind of predictable, since I always seem to fall back into some kind of comfort video game around finals season, but usually it’s Ace Attorney, so this is new.)

In terms of the second, an idea that has been pretty solidly in daydream territory for a while is some kind of Stranger x Nobody Knows crossover fic in which (Senior) Inspector Han and (possibly former) Detective Cha cross paths for some reason. I have no idea what I’d want from it plot/content-wise, so I doubt it’ll ever be much more than a vaguely entertaining impression in my head, but I just think it’d be cool to see those two interact XD

Sadly neither of these things are the things I’m ACTUALLY supposed to be working on, so they probably (hopefully) won’t be done for a while.

5. Share one of your strengths.


Ah, one of my least favorite interview questions. Uh, I guess I have fun writing dialogue, and it definitely tends to come easier than other aspects of writing (like DESCRIPTION, blegh). Plus I have been told that it makes people laugh sometimes, which is usually my goal — or makes them feel Painful Feelings, which is my other goal that unfortunately rarely makes it to the publishing phase — so I will count that as a success! And therefore a strength of some sort.

7. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.


Oof, this is a hard one, haha. There is a subtle yet important difference between saying why you like something versus saying why you’re proud of something, but I shall try to veer more toward the latter since that’s the actual question.

As it turns out, being more comfortable with dialogue means that most of my stories end up being pretty dialogue-heavy, which I just discovered when flicking through fics to borrow a snippet from, but if we’re going with strictly prose, then this bit from a long-ish comedic Good Omens fic I still haven’t figured out all the plot points to was fun to write: 


In literature, funerals are often held in the pouring rain. This is because, in literature, authors can carefully describe how grief-stricken the attendees are, how their water-logged clothes, heavy and cold, cannot begin to compare to the weight of the sorrow that drags them down, how it pulls at their body, hangs from their shoulders and backs and legs and soul, begging them to join their loved ones in the ground. They can describe how the heavens themselves weep for the dead, that the earth, for once, pauses in its frantic flurry of activity, takes a moment to mourn what it has lost, and grieve for those who are left behind.

Of course, grief is complicated. Authors understand this. Sometimes the attendees are angry, and so the funerals are sunny, and the attendees are angry because the world dares to keep spinning on its axis even when theirs has ground to a halt. They are angry because the heavens won’t hide their tears for them, won’t admit they did something wrong, taking away someone who was so loved, so cherished, so good. They are angry because their heartache isn’t enough, doesn’t nearly encompass the gaping void torn in their reality, doesn’t do the dead justice. The earth and the skies and the seas ought to be mad with grief as well. Thunderstorms, gale-force winds, surging tides and shaking stone. How dare the world imply it’s no great loss?

Or maybe the funerals are held in the snow, because grief is cold and numbing and relentless, and no amount of warm soup or thick blankets or knitted mittens will make it better, fill the hollow misery the way one can fill a grave with soil and ice crystals. No one really wants to be there, socks soaked through and half-asleep from the chill, but sometimes you need to slog your way through those waist-deep banks of grief anyway, that frigid, dull, powder-white pain, focus only on how your teeth chatter and your fingertips turn blue and put all the rest of it aside for later, when it’s warm again. If it will ever be warm again.

Or perhaps the author just likes snow.

I get to ramble about some of my favorite kinds of weather for three paragraphs?? Count me IN

Anyways, I think it did a good job of keeping with the vaguely whimsical tone of the rest of the story, despite this being the opening to a (fake) funeral scene. And yeah, maybe it’s a bit excessive and heavy-handed, but it fits the context well enough and has some actual Imagery™, not to mention that it actually segues somewhat neatly into the next bit, so I think it did its job — which is all I can really ask for, so I’ll be proud of that! It’s a bit of a narrative reprieve from the dialogue-and-emotions heavy previous scene and the comedic shenanigans of the subsequent scene. Which would probably also be quite dialogue heavy, except for the part where I haven’t written it yet sjkdhfskf

[salty-dracon]

ace hang plays noctis umbra part 3

SINS OF ANGELS | Noctis Umbra Part 3 | Ace Hang Plays Otome

(Yes, they do have semi-serious titles when shit hits the fan)

Last time on Ace Hang Plays Otome: 

Lily: Wow, he’s UGLY. How the FUCK is this guy a SUCCUBUS he’s UGLY

Brid: Well, technically he’d be an incubus. Because he’s a guy. 

Lily: That doesn’t change the fact that he’s UGLY

Brid: Maybe he radiates some kind of.... hot energy-

Lily: THE. ONLY ENERGY. THAT FUCKER RADIATES. IS CATCALLING YOU FROM HIS 2002 HONDA CIVIC WHILE WEARING A TWO YEAR OLD SWEAT-COVERED WIFE BEATER ENERGY. 

Brid: You don’t-

Lily: HE LOOKS LIKE A GIJINKA FOR THE WORD DOMESTIC ABUSE

---------

Lily: Hey, everyone! Ace Hang here! I’m Lily!

Brid: I’m Brid! 

(Val and Arthur pop in from the sides) 

Val: I’m Val!

Arthur: And I’m Arthur! 

All: And we’re playing Noctis Umbra Chapter Two! 

Brid: Yes, that’s right! The whole gang’s here and together for a nice round of otome! 

Val: It’s summer vacation, and our Minecraft 1.14 series will be up as soon as 1.14.2 is out, just so all of the bugs are ironed out. We’re planning to play multiplayer and do experiments to keep all of your spirits up. 

Lily: I’m super excited. 

Arthur: Yeah, same. We’ve got tons of plans! 

Brid: But for now, Noctis Umbra Chapter 2 is out, and when we last left off, we learned that Valerius was lying to us again. 

Lily: Also our dad is ugly and evil. 

Arthur: Rana is a queen. 

Val: Thor was there...?

Brid: .... Yeah, basically. Let’s get back to the action! 

--------------------

Lily: A Kapre. A stalker.... Do you guys know anything about that? 

Val: Capre.... Caper... 

Brid: Oh, Capra demon. Remember that 4chan post? 

Val: Oh yeah! 

Arthur: ...? 

Lily: Super sexy demon or something. In the post he had a goat skull head. Wonder what this boi’s gonna look like. 

Arthur: He’ll either be adorable or ugly.  

(Efren appears) 

Lily: ffffFFWAHAHAHA WHAT IS THAT

Brid: That is not what I was expecting. 

Arthur: I was expecting like, James Bond, not a guy in a mohawk wearing a Minecraft shirt! 

Val: Wow. Holy shit. Oh my god. He looks like a cis guy decided to dress like a  fucking drag queen for Halloween without knowing what a drag queen was. He looks like someone who unironically enjoys Kingdom Hearts and somehow mixed in a shitty hacker aesthetic. He looks like a 30 year old virgin who also runs a gaming channel that relies on clickbait for income. He looks like a guy cosplaying as his own My Hero Academia OC. He looks like-

Brid: Okay, that’s enough. 

Lily: He looks like that one Invader Zim character watches anime all day in his basement-

Brid: Stop it. Anyway, looks like he’s with the enemy... and wants to recruit us... and give us cookies. 

Lily: Cookies. Om nom nom. 

-----------

Lily: WAHAHA they’re good cookies. 

Brid: I love the little package of cookies on her lap. 

Val: Seriously, I’d kill a guy who gave me too many cookies, though. At 3am. Every day. 

Lily: “You’re just grumpy because you’re hungry. You’re hangry.”

Arthur: “I am not hangry!”

Lily: “You sound hangry!”

Val: And Tae steals the cookies. And they’re good. 

------------

Val: You know, I’m glad the main characters are warming up to Tora. Not treating her like a kid. 

Brid: She’s learning high school chemistry, so I don’t think it’s out of the question that she’s at least fifteen. 

Arthur: Yeah. And MyDude is treating her very nicely. 

Val: Yeah. I’m glad. Like seriously, edgy war stories just... hate kids. Like, fuck the kids. Adults are the only ones that survive here. 

Lily: Yeah, it’s nice change of pace. EY, RANA! Look, Arthur. That’s my favorite character. 

Arthur: I see.

Val: Honestly, the whole Noctis Umbra crew is great. Except for Valerius. Fuck that guy. 

Arthur: I think he might have a reason for keeping those secrets of his, though. 

Val: This is coming from the same guy who actually trusts the rich kid in the other one they were playing. Fuck, I forget his name. 

------------

Val: “Ae-ri needs your help grocery shopping.”

Lily: I’m gonna be super surprised if it’s not like the South Asian market my parents visit for cheap spices. 

Brid: Seriously, what else do you expect from this game? 

.........

Brid: Yes, that’s the last place I expected to find a bunch of underworld denizens that are part demon or something. Going shopping at a grocery store. And not a South Asian market.

Lily: What, did you think they subsided on human energy alone? 

Val: I mean, Tae lives offa sweets. First he ate his sister’s cheesecake, then he ate those cookies, then he ate that pudding... he’s just got a big sweet tooth.

Lily: Oh, big mood, Tae. I like him. He and Keelan are so funny. Everyone’s just laying into him. 

Arthur: “That’s a lot of hot sauce...” 

Brid: I see we’ve got our own weird tastes... 

Val: Ha. Melons. Innuendos. 

Lily: Or Avatar reference. 

Arthur: ... 

Brid: What’s up?  

Arthur: Imagine- meanwhile in the aisle next door, Riley hits her teacher with a shopping cart!

Lily: That would be an amazing easter egg. Keelan’s looking for his paint, barely dodges a chaotic dumbass bisexual disaster, she immediately hits someone else who happens to be her teacher. 

Val: Said teacher was also hacking the grocery store’s WiFi with his phone, which proceeds to fall into the lobster tank. 

Lily: Not saying Riley wouldn’t do that. 

(Small animation with bad doodles)

Arthur: I imagine Keelan’s like... “Alright... broad paintbrush, purple acrylic paint... ” and he just hears screaming, and there’s Riley just narrowly missing him and slamming right into her teacher. 

Brid: You say that like she intentionally hit him. 

---------------

Val: OH GOD IT’S THE UGLY GUY!

Lily: Damn. That’s the first thing you fixate on?

Arthur: Oh boy. Something’s going down... 

Lily: Is Valerius here? Is that why she’s- Oh, hey Luca. 

Val: Oh my god, it’s Tall Evil Valerius. 

Brid: He’s so tall we can’t even see the top of his head. 

Lily: That’s funny, because I always imagined Valerius to be like, 5′4... 

Val: His name is “Aleron”. HOLY FUCK HE JUST KILLED LUCA

Arthur: OH MY GOD

Lily: WELL THAT’S NOT GOOD AT ALL IS IT

Brid: FUCKING DEAD. PRESS F. 

Lily: REMINDER TO HIT THAT F BUTTON IF YOU’RE ANGRY THAT LUCA JUST DIED

Brid: AND SHE JUST OMAE WA MOU SHINDEIRUS HIM

--------------

Lily: That feeling when you teleport the enemy leader right into your base. 

Val: Fucking seriously. The whole crew must be having aneurysms. 

Arthur: Ha. “I leave you alone for two seconds and you start a world war.”

Lily: Welcome back to another episode of “Man with half the facts in heated debate with man with zero facts”. 

(Meme appears on screen with the two men’s faces replaced with Leo and Valerius)

Brid: More like “Two men seriously think they know what’s right for the world as a whole based on flawed information”. 

Val: “Where’s her room?!” “She doesn’t have one.” “Where does she sleep?!” “The couch.” 

Brid: Get ready for Angry Father Rage. 

Val: “YOU LET MY DAUGHTER SLEEP ON A COUCH?!”.... DAMMIT why did the scene have to end there. 

Lily: So you wouldn’t have to yell at yourself?

------------------

Val: “Your mother loved heights too-” Sheesh, did she love jumping off them?!

Lily: Fucking hell. Wouldn’t be surprised if that’s what he meant, though. 

Brid: Yeah, this guy’s kind of an asshole, to be honest. 

Arthur: I guess with the whole unification thing, they need her. 

Lily: I love how she’s mad Aleron killed Luca because she wanted to punch him in the face. 

----------------

Val: Oh boy, things are heating up. So because of the prophecy, the demon kids are all uniting, and the angels wanna beat em back. And they took over a human organization to do it. 

Lily: Angels. It’s always angels. 

Brid: Do any of you like Valerius any more now? 

Val: NO. He’s kind of a dickhead. Still. 

Arthur: At least he’s telling us more. 

Brid: Yeah, very true. 

Val: Why does Valerius look at us and see everything right with Nocturnals? We’re an angry district attorney who sucks the life out of people with the power of Satan and anime. 

Lily: Angels. It’s always angels. 

Arthur: You said that. 

Brid: I did say I’d romance Valerius, so-

Val: WAIT I NEVER SAID I’D DO A KISS SCENE-

----------------

Lily: And with that, looks like we’ve reached the end of Chapter 3! What do you guys think? This is your first time playing with us, right?

Val: ... Why do I have to be rolled up in the politics of white men? 

Lily: Pretty sure Leo’s Latino. 

Val: Still. 

Brid: Politics, politics. I still do love the group dynamic between the Noctis Umbra crew, though. Not Valerius, just MyDude, Ae-ri... 

Arthur: Tae, Keelan, and Rana. Yeah. And whoever else I’m forgetting. They’re very cute together, and it kinda sucks that they’re dealing with the whole underground war thing, otherwise I feel like we’d get a lot of cute scenes with them. 

Lily: Very true. Any theories? 

Arthur: Remember when Valerius called MyDude Umbra? I think it’s because she’s the kid of both an angel and a demon. 

Brid: Oooooo. What do you have to back it up? 

Arthur: We don’t see much about her mother. Apparently she left her in an orphanage named after a saint. Also, Leo mentioned that the mom loved heights. Besides the jumping implication, it might mean that she’s an angel. Maybe one that couldn’t fly.

Lily: I think umbra does mean shadow, which evokes themes of both light and darkness, so it’s very possible. 

Brid: Interesting. Well, we’ve been recording for an hour, so I think that’s all the time we have for today. 

Lily: Sweet! 

Brid: Can’t wait to see where this story takes us next! And we’re planning our next playthrough to probably be either the next part of Oathbreaker, or Hatoful Boyfriend. 

Val: Make sure to like and subscribe for more content, and stay classy! 

[cyrelia-j]

[ficlet] #24: Future (Jack)

Another 30 Days of Jack that's all the Jack Pack (minus Sarina) and gets into my spin on one of the big parts of that ep based on my own experiences

All of these are under the tag “30 days of jack”

Series note: These start out Jack/Sarina moving to Jack/Julian. I’ll just tack on here as a note that Jack is ace (though his experiences and issues aren't intended to be representative of all asexual people). These aren’t always being posted in chronological order. For now the timeline is as follows: 1, 2, 12, 11, 15, 16, 24, 7, 4, 8, 13, 3, 19, 5, 14, 10, 18, 22, 20, bonus #c, 21, 23, 9, 6, bonus #a, bonus #b, 17

To refresh- this takes place during the Chrysalis episode after Sarina gets her own room

Warnings: descriptions of a very bad existential induced anxiety/panic attack

Note: Jack's thoughts trail into Neruda half a sec and the story Patrick is reciting is Asimov's "The Last Question"

"She still doesn't have anything to say to you," Lauren relays  to him with her usual dismissive tone as she enters the cargo bay and takes a seat. "She said that if you're actually sorry then you can come tell her yourself. By yourself." Her tone sounds just slightly sympathetic and Jack bites down harder on his finger than he’d expected and jumps in response.

"What? No no no you must have misheard her, you must have been fixated on the Ferengi and not paying attention because you know she would never say that!"

“She said it Jack, and she meant it.”

He looks from Lauren to Patrick, pacing, pacing, biting, holding himself tightly because that is crossing the World, crossing the sea of stars when he’s already drowning already sitting on the rim of the well of darkness fishing for answers answers, that well trying to pull him in, those tide pools trying to drown him, grabbing him by the feet and he swears he if steps outside it will devour him and already he can’t breathe which is why he even told her to be quiet, yelled, was loud loud and it Won’t. Stop and how could she asked him to do that alone?!

He stops looking between Lauren and Patrick because they understand, they have to understand that it’s… that is The End coming for him and he Can’t Get Away from it ever ever every moment every cell is dying and soon they’ll stop being reborn and soon the star will stop being reborn, soon soon and it IS soon and she used to Understand that! Sarina used to Understand when he said that he felt that panic, when he was afraid his heart would start beating so fast that it would burst and into atoms his consciousness and sixty billion years is Nothing when your existence blinks out and time has no meaning because time is a Construct for cell decay and he’s positive Positive the last time his conscious self existed when the oxygen concentration was higher and he Remembers famine and hunger and dying in that sun bleached desert stomach pain pain two hundred fifty two million years ago and if there’s nothing but darkness in his memories between then and now then he only has two hundred thirty eight more lifetimes before it ends at best at best and-

“Jack?” Patrick. Patrick is tall but… no Patrick isn’t tal, Jack is on the floor with his head on his knees, hands on his head trying to drive it out, trying to make that terror stop because they still haven’t solved it and-

“Jack!” Lauren. He looks up at Lauren now and points to his throat, to his chest because he can’t breathe because they haven’t figured it out and fine fine he didn’t mean to yell he swears he didn’t mean it but he’s going to die imprison and blinks away and everything will End and it will be nothing but walls and gray and he’ll never-

“The last question was asked for the first time, half in jest, on May 21, 2061, at a time when humanity first stepped into the light,” he hears Patrick say and he stops because… that time already passed and that makes no sense and Patrick doesn’t say stupid pointless things normally so- “The question came about as a result of a five dollar bet over highballs, and it happened this way…” Patrick sits cross legged in front of him and Jack can see from the look on his face that he’s reciting, parroting back so Jack redirects his thoughts and Understands it’s a story that… that still makes no sense but he’s curious about the last question that someone would imagine being asked three hundred years ago.

So he listens, heart still pounding but slowing just a bit as Patrick talks, putting a hand out for Jack to hold which Jack doesn’t always like but… Sarina isn’t here and he needs to breathe and Patrick continues, the conversation between the two men a Good distraction to calm his racing thoughts as he follows along, Lauren sitting down behind him, a hand on his back like he does for her when the… not real things get confusing so he breathes along, staring at his and Patrick’s hands as Patrick keeps talking and Jack thinks he’d make a much better teacher than any he had ever had. Not a better attorney than his, never that but-

“Or maybe it could be put more simply like this: How can the net amount of entropy of the universe be massively decreased?”

He stops blinking at that, paying attention, paying careful attentions, jump starting breathing when Lauren hits his back as the Multivac become the Galactic AC and the Universal AC and it ends with a trifling religious metaphor that he would scoff at but… but somehow after that reading, after the flow of Time was forced to Patrick’s recitation it seems easier now and he can work with this and he can do this.

Jack squeezes Patrick’s hand and smiles.

He can do this.