#but didn't really want him to DIE

[ilghosty]

i'm watching armada and megatron is SO RIDICULOUS, he was partly responsible for optimus' death, he WANTED to kill op, but as soon as he did that he got grumpy and complained that "optimus sacrificed himself for such a BORING planet" and also "it was so much more exciting to fight the autobots when they had optimus"???? LIKE, DUDE??? AND ALSO when optimus is resurrected and immediately SHOOT MEGATRON, this motherfuck started LAUGHING AND SAID IT WAS GOOD TO HAVE HIM BACK? MAN MISSED HIS WIFE SO BAD THAT HIS MOOD CHANGED QUICKLY

[the-girl-with-too-many-ideas]

One thing that I've never seen people talk about is that Shen Jiu would want his body back. Sure, it may be irreparablely damaged and weak, but it's still his body. He never had any bodily autonomy until he joined Cang Qiong at seventeen, so he would fight tooth and nail to get it back rather than lose the right to his body again.

[khaopybara]

❝Let's go talk somewhere else.❞

FIRST KANAPHAN as KANT PATTANAWAT and KHAOTUNG THANAWAT as BISON episode 4 of THE HEART KILLERS

[somegrumpynerd]

Does anyone else hc that Nightmare can like, absorb his tentacles back into his body sometimes? Like the way Stitch does with his extra arms?

[clownakai]

Hhey. Hey. Hey. Do you think that despite the situations being fundamentally different in that one was shot and killed by Gin while the other committed suicide, Akemi and Scotch's deaths haunt Conan and Akai in similar ways. Do you think they both lie awake at night thinking "I should have been faster" and "this is on me too" and "what if I had done a single thing differently". Do you think they get reminded every day of how they failed to save someone who was right in front of them. Do you think they see them die every time they close their eyes over and over again. Do you think if they both knew about the other's 'failure' that they'd sometimes look each other in the eye and reason if he can go on so can i. I am normal about father and son bonding (terrible horrible no good very bad edition)

[jenna-louise-jamie]

i think it's so interesting how different book!yassen and tv!yassen are.

first off how book!yassen sent alex to scorpia, it was a mistake because he wasn't thinking clearly. tv!yassen did it on purpose (to the best of my knowledge).

book!yassen did not want alex to kill. he tells him this twice, “killing is for grown ups.” and asking alex if he can really pull the trigger and shoot him, when alex breaks into the boat during eagle strike. going into great detail to dissuade alex from doing it, and all of me believes not just because yassen didn't want to die in this moment. this makes sense for book!yassen because he himself didn't want to kill. so he's trying to save alex from his own fate.

tv!show yassen doesn't seem to have any issues with killing. he doesn't particularly enjoy it, but it's his job and he does what he has to do so he can survive. so he's okay with encouraging alex to do it. by telling him he should view the people he's assigned to assassinate as nothing more than targets. tricking him into helping assassinate max. encouraging him to let go of his emotions. he wants alex to join him by his side.

ultimately while their methods are different, their end goals are the same. they both want to protect alex. book!yassen thinks he can achieve this by pushing alex away, and tv!show yassen thinks he can achieve this by pulling alex in closer. and both work because they're so compelling.

[pali-and-proud]

Would Buddy hurt anyone? Why was Buddy shocked when he hurt Chase with the spear? AND WHY THE COMPLETE DIFFERENCE WITH THE SPEAR AND DEACON WITH THE WOLVES?!?

I GET TO TALK ABOUT BUDDY AND DEACON. AHAHA.

Thank you for the Q <3 I love and respect you, but I am going to bypass the first two questions because I am filled with thoughts on Buddy and Deacon's dynamic. Because I don't know if more people noticed (I'm 100% sure others have noticed) but Buddy and Deacon absolutely parallel each other.

What's Buddy's big motivator, as established by the Dreams By Night episode? To escape Ex Libris. To be free, essentially.

What's Deacon's big motivator, as established by The Book of Deacon? To lead his own story, without his parents controlling everything. To be free, essentially.

Buddy, from the beginning, harps on Chase's lack of preparation. Deacon, from the beginning, gripes about Chase's lack of preparation. Deacon over-prepares, to the point where Chase asks him what different scenes mean and what happens in the story. Something he used to do with Buddy, because both Deacon and Buddy indulge Chase in their explanations.

Deacon gets caught off-guard by Chase's perceptiveness, and Buddy gets caught off-guard by Chase's personality. And Chase might gripe about both, sure, but often about superficial, irrelevant details. Complaining about Deacon always being busy, or complaining about Buddy being pretentious. (Not about things of substance, like Deacon having enough money to attend college AND disliking the experience, or about not even knowing Buddy's name.)

We all laugh about Buddy being paranoid, but Deacon matches him pretty well. Deacon isn't spilling any names. Deacon, like Buddy, understands the necessity for secrets. Who makes the plans to hide Prunella? Who keeps telling Chase not to talk to Buddy about her?

(A thought for another time, but--something about kids of strict parents being sneakier, and something about Deacon always convincing Chase into keeping secrets.)

Deacon's being reasonable, and we know that, because we're listening to his reasoning, and his reasoning is nothing like Buddy's. (Buddy's all "EVERYONE is out for themself," while Deacon is a lot more subtly judging the shirtless Hot Topic wanna-be.) But their ACTIONS match each other.

Are they the same character? lmao absolutely not. They have different experiences, different mentalities, different perspectives. Deacon has a support system, whether financial (parents) or emotional (Bronze) or even social (Chase). Buddy has a bright eyed, stubborn kid who sees a vampire and somehow therapizes him, and sees someone covered in thorns and reciprocates their hug because he knows it was needed.

But how similar they are really shines in the Requiem arc. Deacon and Buddy match the other's barbs seemlessly, and they call out the other with ease. Deacon insults Buddy's fashion sense + teeth, Buddy tricks Deacon into nearly getting mauled by wolves, which is probably an escalation, and Deacon immediately starts plotting a revenge. "When I get my hands on him," he outright says, implying some retaliation, and yet he sees Buddy and Chase wrestling a vampire to the ground and immediately asks "What're we doing?"

He immediately joins them. He has no idea what they're doing or why they're doing it, but they're doing it, so he alas has to ascribe to it. And then you remember that Chase is the one who jumped Vamp, and Buddy ALSO has no idea what they're doing or why they're doing it, but Chase's doing it, so he alas has to ascribe.

They get each other, is what I'm saying. They're foils in methods (Deacon annoys Buddy verbally, Buddy annoys Deacon physically////Deacon chooses to maintain peace via secrecy, Buddy prefers honest communication despite the impacts/////etc etc etc) but they're mirroring the other. They're two beams of light, coming from the same source, going in completely opposite directions.

Buddy hurting Chase risked everything Buddy had gained, all the trust and the companionship and the grossly genuine friendship he gained. The physical pain risked ripping the emotional connection between them. Buddy hurting Deacon DOESN'T rip open anything, because however far Buddy takes things, Deacon's prepared to follow out of annoyance and spite alone. They have the same priorities: keep themselves (+ Chase/others) safe, and humble the other when necessary.

And Buddy has an embarrassing crush or something. everyone point at the idiot and laugh

[danwhobrowses]

You know, as much as I would've loved a massive catharsis-led triumph over Athion Zathuda in battle, possibly left at the mercy of the vibrant flames of Fearne's Titan form reiterating herself with aplomb as Fearne Calloway, I actually kinda love how the narrative chose to defeat him. In many ways it is just hilarious, but also ironically in-character. Man talked all about wanting to prove himself, had a grandiose title of 'Sorrowlord' and was looking to be both a physical and mental adversary after threatening to torment Fearne into becoming Exaltant by targeting her loved ones. But then when he is pit against Bells Hells he barely does a thing; he tries to talk his way into turning Fearne again, gets jumpscared by Ira, the 'farm girl' he mocked to Fearne commandeers his dragon, he loses a leg and is thrown off his dragon, and the Hells even opt to keep him alive for some reason in 107 before kinda accidentally offing him in 108.

He thought he was the shit, but enemies of true threat like Ludinus, Otohan and Liliana (a threat before she was turned) looked down on him, and thus his attempts to prove them wrong - while also falling into the same trap as Ashton's father in seeking out a personal destiny and being willing to see their child as a tool to do it - bore no fruit at all, he was practically an afterthought through and through, his dragon really being his entire threat level. In the end, he got killed running (well, hobbling) away, and while Gloamglut's keening was a little sad in a way that a pet cannot fathom the moral complexity of having to kill their owner he still had it coming, plus following his eternal torture in the Tiki Bar of Ligament Manor, the last sorrow he wrought was his own; he achieved nothing, everything he hints he did to get to his position was for naught, and for all the fear and danger he tried to make himself possess he truly had no power over anyone, especially not Fearne - who can only pity him and, as further proof of being better than he ever was, hope that he takes the time to reflect on his sorrows.

[vynnyal]

Finally finishing totk

[eruanee]

On Round 7 and the utility of sacrifice

⚠️ ROUND 7 SPOILERS ⚠️

I wanted to use this post to respond to some criticism I've seen circulating about Round 7 — it mostly being about Till's death making Ivan's sacrifice useless.

To be fair, this post doesn't aim to dismiss anyone's feelings or criticisms about R7 or Till's (presumed) death, they're all incredibly valid! I even have my own that I will talk about later. This post's only goal is really just to start a conversation about the general narrative of ALNST and how to write a compelling narrative in general. No matter what I'll say, people resonate with stories differently and expect different things from them, and that's okay!

Personally, I truly didn't expect Till to die. Before R7 came out, I even texted a friend saying this:

– If one of them has to die, I think it'll be Luka. Till's protagonist syndrome is too strong and his death would be narratively flat, I believe. – Yeah.

And well, shot missed, unlike the one that shot through Till's neck.

Though, I really do believe Till might not be dead, not only because of the #copium but this isn't really the point of this post — I will assume he is so I can discuss what his death would actually mean to the narrative and how it would impact it.

I understand that no one (including myself) expected R7 to go that way. A lot of it had us realizing we might have gotten some elements of the story wrong — something I didn't take into consideration is that the round was probably rigged to make sure Luka would win, which makes sense because of course that Alien Stage isn't the fairest competition (and if Ivan's pictures on the billboards aren't part of Till's hallucinations, this is plainly evil).

R7 also had us wondering what the goal of the rebels truly is: did they even intend to save Till? If not, why did they save Mizi, what did they see in her? Unlike what I first thought, like many others, it seemingly wasn't a rescue mission.

When I watched R7 for the first time, I audibly gasped the moment I saw the "Luka wins" sign appears and Till being shot down. And I thought "Ah, so that's the kind of story VIVINOS wanted to make." I was already a huge fan of their work before ALNST began, mostly of their horror stuff. When I watched it, I knew I was about to sit in front of absolutely devastating content that would leave me sick. The tragedy was always cruel, often unrewarding, but I would always ask for more. Good thing ALNST now exists, uh!

I mention this to state I went into ALNST expecting roughly the same thing and it's essentially what I got. I didn't expect Till to die but his death, in a way, didn't surprise me. Did it make me sick though? It sure did!

I do agree R7 feels incomplete. I think it's interesting that I have not a single idea of what's going to happen next, but my biggest regret is indeed that Till's death doesn't seem to do justice to his character or characterization.

Till, the rebellious misfit, always breaking rules to the point he has to be physically restrained, completely beaten by despair and trauma once again, dying on stage after he got a slight glimpse of hope he can never actually reach.

This is peak tragedy, and a beautifully animated one at that, but it doesn't feel like a compelling character development. If Till is truly dead, then he dies with the potential of being so much more. And this is truly sad and disappointing.

And this is why his death would make me sadder than Sua's or Ivan's. They got to choose their deaths and what it would mean for them, Till didn't. He was suffering and overwhelmed. He only accepted his fate because he got to know Mizi was still alive before his final moments. He got to die in her embrace, which is probably the only thing he could've asked for if that were to happen.

Sua's death got to introduce us to the reality of Alien Stage.

Ivan's death was an emotional climax. It conclused his character arc in a devastating way, but gave him a meaningful ending nonetheless.

Their deaths let us understand what kind of world Alien Stage takes place in : a cruel world where humans are pets to aliens, if not simple disposal. A world where feelings are never reciprocated until it's too late, where you long for something impossible until you realize you should've paid attention to what was right in front of your eyes, too.

Alien Stage is a show where the candidates' suffering are seen and consumed as mere entertainment.

In this system, I believe Sua's and Ivan's meaningful deaths are anomalies. Till's death is the standard. An extremely unfair event, result of an extremely unfair competition. This isn't about who deserves to survive, but about who manages to. If anything, I think the aliens are relieved Till is dead, as he was mostly a bother to them. Luka is beloved and accommodating.

A world where death is the easy escape, if not almost a selfish one. Sacrifice is an act of love, but also an act of egocentricity. The sacrifice aims to be remembered as selfless and generous, but in the end, they only "run away without any sense of responsibility". The gift sounds beautiful when actually, it might only be rotten.

In such a world, how can a sacrifice ever be useful? I guess Ivan's wasn't. A sacrifice only happens to create a possibility, a chance, a what if.

Another very frustrating part of Till's death to me is that I thought he had the power to be a protagonist. I still stand by it but he was robbed of this agency. Him being used as a narrative device for Mizi's protagonist plotline (at least that's what I believe) feels a bit cruel, even narratively.

Alien Stage can be a frustrating story because it seems there is no way out, which is ultimately not something people are seeking for very often in a story. I still hope there's a way out somewhere, maybe not for Till, but that would already be something.

As for now, it seems Mizi's role is to manage to make Sua's sacrifice, as well as all of these deaths, worth something. This is the 50th season of Alien Stage. The pile of corpses is leaking red.

I do wonder where the story is going to head.

At the very least, Till wasn't unknown till the end. You could say that being loved, even for a blink, makes one's life worthy to be lived.

[imminent-danger-came]

Monkey MK: "There's something inside you, that you can't control. You know what you are, deep down. A beast, a monster—harbinger of chaos! This thing, that wants to hurt, that wants to destroy, that wants chaos! You're so terrified to let it out! But the truth is, you like it. It makes you feel strong. It's who you are!"

(5x04 The Storm Within)

-

Nine: "No, I told you, I get out either way! But, I have had enough of control, enough of watching people put themselves in cages! Of...watching them push away the chaos, when the chaos is what makes them who they are!"

(5x09 Sacrifice)

-

*sweats*

[sophsun1]

Queer as Folk – 2.14: The Dangers of Sex and Drugs

[sciencelings-speaks]

I love that even with all the lengths Stronghart went through to hide Kazuma's identity (using a mask to hide his eyes and a cloak to cover everything else, banning him from even speaking), the minute Ryunosuke saw him for the first time he suspected it. From his posture alone, they knew each other for about a year and were separated for like eight months and Ryunosuke could still identify his bbf from the way he stood like... Kazuma lost his memory, his identity, his... everything and Ryunosuke still clocked it, even though he literally thinks Kazuma is dead, that the prosecutor's masked apprentice is the whole reason he's even there at all.

Literally what else could Stronghart have done to hide Kazuma's presence from Ryunosuke, he did as much as he could but still Ryunosuke felt it immediately. This feels gayer than most of the yaoi I've come across, this is a major plot point in a romantic drama, this can't not be a trope in one of the kdramas my dad likes to watch on Netflix.

[mikansei]

i'm thinking about the guards outside aventurine's room in the reverie. stuck working a boring security job on THE planet of festivities, stationed outside a room in boring reality where someone's literally just sleeping all day. absolutely jackshit to do.

but there's no way aventurine would trust just any old grunt to guard him when he's that vulnerable; they had to have been hand-picked, personally vetted over years of working for him. it's no small feat to become someone aventurine trusts not to stab him in the back, even with the built-in insurance that if you shank your boss, he can't sign your paychecks anymore.

so they were familiar enough with him to know how he works, i.e., pulling off insane stunts and doing it solo. i have to think they're the kind of people who would've wanted to join him - not because they're sore about not getting to see the dream, but because they want to guard him IN the dream. you have a whole team of us, boss! put us to work!

and he keeps insisting no, he has to do it alone. it's too risky.

what could notorious gambler aventurine possibly find "too risky?" it's not that he thinks they'll slow him down or get in his way; it's not that he just prefers working alone or hates relying on others. that's what other people, in other departments, might think.

but these guys know: he does these missions solo because he doesn't want to risk their lives - that's the unacceptable risk to him.

(they also know not to ever say so aloud, because said notorious gambler has a reputation to maintain, and "worries about his employees' wellbeing" does not fit the image.)

[holocene-sims]

next // previous

september 25, 2021 6:50 p.m. myshuno restaurant

why are you surprised?

grant fixates his gaze far away from his father’s fiancee, suddenly shrinking into himself when he realizes what her appearance means. she intends to talk. she’d walked him right over to the nearest bench–why else would she do that? and grant wishes he hadn’t agreed. he wishes he weren’t so brave now. he wishes he’d left faster, pretended he was in a rush, something of the sort.

you should have avoided this. all of this. this was a terrible–

the gentlest of prods at his shoulder stirs him from his racing thoughts.

“sorry. i'm still space-casing it.” grant shudders; she must have already asked him something.

if she’s bothered by his inattention, varpu doesn’t show it. instead, she smiles. not joyfully, though–it’s a thin-lipped smile that he can only describe as one of abject pity.

“i wanted to know if you were okay,” she repeats, “and no, i think i owe you an apology instead.”

“oh, i'm fine. and really, you don't.”

you are not fine.

fine doesn’t match the nagging ache in the core of his chest.

why are you upset anyway? why the fuck are you surprised? you knew all of this was coming. you knew he’d always–you didn’t. no, you bought it. you believed it somehow, in some way when he preached about being a better father.

“you are not a very good liar,” comes varpu’s retort. the pitying smile is still plastered on her face, though it slips more and more by the second, slowly replaced by an unreadable albeit piercing expression.

“it’s genetic.”

and you knew he was never going to stay. you even gave him your express permission.

and yet…

somewhere in the back of grant’s mind, a much younger version of himself–the child who experienced the worst abandonment life has to offer–is crawling out of the woodwork and screaming for attention, screaming so loud that he can think of nothing but that child’s agony. bad memory after bad memory floods grant’s remaining bandwidth. he’d barely shut them out at the table, only for them to resurface in a tidal wave the very moment he let his guard down.

“yeah, actually, you know, i don’t think i'd probably use the word fine right now, no.”

varpu knew that, of course. not an ounce of bewilderment dwells in her response. “i'm not sure i understood what happened in there, but nonetheless, i do owe you an apology. i'm sorry. it was my idea to invite you, and that doesn’t seem to have been good for you.”

“it’s not your fault.”

“i fear that it is,” she replies, and at last, it’s her turn to avert her gaze–she turns to face the alleyway on their right “it was also at my insistence that he reached out to you last year. i don’t think that was good for you either.”

“maybe, maybe not. i wouldn’t hold my dad being my dad against you, though. i appreciate that you’ve tried to do the right thing. you’ve been much kinder to the estranged son of your college sweetheart than i'd really have ever expected, and it doesn’t go unnoticed.”

varpu, underdressed for the weather without her coat, shivers as a cold autumn breeze whips by them. she turns back towards him, wrapping her arms close to her chest, and just shakes her head. “why wouldn’t you expect that i'd be kind to you? i'm a mother. it’s my responsibility to treat you like i treated my own children.”

“you can probably guess why i don’t expect that.”

“i didn’t want you to feel left out,” varpu muses, now nervously picking at her dress sleeves, “that’s why i invited you tonight. you have a complicated relationship with your father, and him remarrying and having another family must be uncomfortable for you, but i wanted you to know you would be a part of our lives, that you do have a place with us.”

“no, i very much get that from you. i can tell you care about including me.” grant winces. “my dad, your kids...not so much.”

“i only found out he hadn’t invited you to help with wedding plans or told you about the move this morning–he said he had, and i believed him, which was, as i see now, very silly of me. and my children,” varpu says, letting out a deep sigh, “i should have made you aware that they’re apprehensive about you. it’s not you, it’s…”

“no, it’s definitely me.”

varpu shuts him down. “it isn’t you. they have a good relationship with your father, and they’re very attached to him. they spent most of their lives without a father in their lives, my first husband passed away a long time ago, and having someone to be in that role now is…”

“a big deal. of course. if i were in their shoes, i might feel the same way about him. also, my condolences. i didn’t know that about, um, you know, you, but yeah, i'm sorry you had to go through that. that's terrible. and that makes sense. i mean, as in why your kids would probably not trust me. they don’t, right? you can be honest. it has to be a little bit about me. they don’t trust someone who doesn’t like my dad the way they do.”

“yes. i should have told you that, and i think i should have been much clearer about your relationship with your father to them. it was also very silly for me to think they'd change their minds before you noticed there was any distrust.”

“how much do you know about our relationship?”

she shrugs. “that it's complicated, that he let your mother abuse you. he didn’t lie to me about that. no, in fact, he was very forthcoming about his life since we last spoke years ago. at least i thought he was. i'm a little skeptical now, looking back and having realized he wasn’t being honest with you. if he lies to you, he very well may lie to me.”

“it makes me a little mad to know he’s just, like, chill with someone else’s kids.” the ache in grant’s chest flares with the heat of a billion suns. anger–the ache is anger, the purest he’s felt in years. “sorry. dick thing for me to say. and think. it’s horrible that a part of me wants him to be a piece of shit like he was to me with everyone else, right? no, i don’t really want that. you and your kids don’t deserve that, it’s just–”

“it stings.”

he almost laughs. “it’s so fucked. he can move on, have a new family, like a family he cares about, a family he does stuff with, a family he talks to about important topics, a family he’ll move for, a family he’ll fight for, a family he respects, and–” and again, too, the anger flares. “and he can just abandon me with no qualms. i was always nothing to him. jesus christ, none of my siblings were either. one’s dead, one’s still estranged, and he doesn’t even think about them.”

“the unfortunate thing is i think he doesn’t want to abandon you.”

“now that i have to argue with you on. he's done it before, so he's very likely doing it right now, too.”

the pitying smile returns to varpu’s face. “as far i know, as of this morning, he doesn’t believe you’ll ever forgive him or trust him. he feels rejected by you, and he's reacting to that feeling. i think. i can no longer prove he was telling me the truth about this, but..."

“oh, he feels rejected? fantastic, maybe he finally gets how i feel then. rejection fucking blows, doesn't it? also, that’s just ridiculous. i don't know how he can claim that. i came to meet him last year, i met him earlier this year, i let him meet my ex-fiancee, i took his phone calls, and i showed up tonight. he’s even admitted before i'm putting effort in. where the fuck is this rejection claim coming from? is it because i'm not falling over myself to kiss the ground he walks on?"

“i've truly disrupted your life by encouraging him to talk to you. i'm sorry.”

grant shrugs. “it’s okay. you were very positive in assuming things were salvageable, but he’s always going to be the same piece of shit to me at the end of the day, and i'm always going to be bitter and refuse to forgive him. i think we’d only be on the same page if i just rolled over like i used to."

“why did you try to reconnect, though? why agree?”

“fuck, i have no idea. it’s ultimately my fault for saying yes.”

why did you?

nothing comes to mind. nothing in particular. only the vaguest list of shitty excuses, the same ones he’s thrown at family members time and time again trying to justify his perennial need to prove the people who hurt him love him, actually.

he no longer wants to roll over like a coward, but–

“simple enough, i guess i want to hope he loves me.”

“what does that look like to you?”

his first response, once more, is to shrug helplessly. “i don’t know. i can’t say he didn’t try at all. he tried to apologize, tried to talk things out, tried to include me. even if he was lying about it or faking to win me over...well, i still bought that he was trying, but it never pleased me. it never felt like enough. god, this all, like, sounds insane, doesn’t it? i'm having this whole meltdown over one night.”

“but it’s not about one night, is it?”

grant’s breach catches in his throat. it’s not, not at all. the unruly child screaming in his head is showing him a pile of evidence, thirty years worth.

“no.”

“and it’s not salvageable, is it?” varpu asks next.

if his father ran outside right now and proclaimed with his soul his love, would it satisfy him? would it cure the ache in his chest, soothe the raging child in his head, turn his bitterness into saccharine peace?

he dwells on it for only a moment before an earth-rending realization dawns on him, and for once in his life, the answer is clear as day.

“no. there’s…” grant stops himself, peering up at the sky. “there is nothing he could do to fix this. i don’t think i want him to love me. i want for what happened to me to have never happened, but time traveling to the past inherently violates the second law of thermodynamics, so that’s unfortunately impossible.”

“i suspect you don’t need my advice, but you shouldn’t be afraid to act on that. your father is a grown man. he can continue to live with the consequences of his actions. you live with them, so can he.”

“that’s very true. uh, and yeah, i think i have to. again, that is. i have to tell him to fuck off again. i'll give it a few days, but yeah.”

varpu stays quiet, acknowledging him with an encouraging nod.

“so, i'll be completely honest with you..." grant trails off.

"please do."

"i doubt i will ever see you again after tonight, but it’s not personal. i just want to make that clear, in case it matters. i do mean it when i say your kindness is appreciated. i care that you care, and you’ve been nicer than my own parents did somehow. thank you."

"you're welcome seems a terribly inadequate response, but..."

"you're welcome is fine. best of luck with the wedding and the house search. regardless of how i feel about my father or the fact he has a new family, i don’t wish any harm your way. if you want to build a life with him, have at it. i know what i said earlier is not in line with what i'm saying now, but i hope the future is good to you specifically, and i hope it’s not disappointing i don’t want to be a part of it.”

[n0heart]

.