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pumpkinboo · 4 years ago

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Kemonomimi AU: kemonomimi (cat)! Zenitsu Agatsuma x Reader (sfw/nsfw)

Note: the reader is called "Master".

[Foreword]

They probably found him on the street. Dirty, desperate and wrapped in rags.

Since "kemonomimi" became more common in the world, they have sometimes become stray for various reasons. According to the rules, they should have been sent to a specialized shelter, where they would be assisted, but there were no separate services.

Some people took care of bringing kemonomimi to shelters or keeping them temporarily. The Reader was just such a person, so they took the sleeping (or unconscious) kitten. Cubs were rarely thrown away, especially one by one, so it will be easy for the baby to find the owner.

Imagine the surprise when the boy turned out to be not a "kitten", but a cat, just small in height and weight. The understanding was almost instantaneous - mistreatment by the owner and either escape or expulsion from home.

When kemonomimi woke up, he had a panic attack. He sobbed and hid in a corner, promising that he would be a good boy and never disappoint the owner again, just not punishments, and that "it will never happen again." It took the reader a long time to calm the boy down, but he was in a hurry to leave the corner and looked at everything with large, watery eyes. In such a state, it was not possible to take the boy to the orphanage.

The Reader now knew that kemonomimi had an abusive former owner. These are usually the most problematic. He probably settled here until he became calmer... Or until he escaped. The reader has heard that this often happened to kemonomimi who had a strong affection for their owners.

However, kemonomimi was in no hurry to escape. He shrank fearfully, pressed his ears to his head and looked with tears, but did not show aggression at all. Only fear.

However, with the time of cohabitation, the cat began to show less aggression, and was already looking with interest at how the Reader parsed the documents next to him, raising his ears, and did not shrink, listening to the rustle of papers.

After Zenitsu (he himself told you his name) got better with you, to such an extent that he reached for you without fear of a blow or a shout, you were surprised to realize that you are, it turns out, his Master?

If you tried to take it to an orphanage, then you could not even go outside. Zenitsu sobbed that he would be a good boy, and that you did not throw him away, and did not believe in your words about the orphanage, believing that you want to leave him.

[SFW]

Zenitsu loves being stroked on the head and gently scratching his neck or the skin under his jaw. The boy cutely dangles his tail and purrs. In general, he purrs a lot and often when he is allowed to snuggle up to the Master.

Zenitsu loves to listen to their heartbeat, so the Master soon had to get used to sleeping with a cold, soft purring body.

Zenitsu wraps his tail around the Master. It doesn't matter if it is a hip, waist, arm or leg, his tail always tries to hold on to the Master.

Zenitsu likes to bump his head and bump into his master.

He will climb on their hands and knees, even when he becomes a large, adult cat. Surprisingly, Zenitsu doesn't weigh as much as expected. If it is too hard for the Master to hold him on his lap, Zenitsu will put his head on their lap and, closing his eyes, purr in satisfaction.

When the Master left him at home alone for the first time, Zenitsu hid in the Master's clothes so as not to feel lonely. He continues to do this whenever the Master leaves him alone.

Zenitsu is very good at doing household chores (cleaning, washing, cooking). He was forced to learn this when his former owner was gone for a long time. The owner tried not to force him to do this, but Zenitsu insisted, explaining that this is the only thing he is very good at and how he can really help.

He looks happy when he cooks.

Zenitsu greets the Master with a hug as they return. His hearing is very strong, and he always hears when the Master returns to have time to clean himself up and wait at the door.

Zenitsu loves flowers. If the Master has flowers, Zenitsu will enthusiastically look after them. If there are no flowers, then he will not even mention it, considering himself an "obsessive ballast" anyway (especially if the Master tried to send him to an orphanage), but his attachment to flowers is so obvious.

Zenitsu loves water and swimming, he purrs loudly when in hot water.

Zenitsu loves to hide in the Master's bed, especially when they embarrass him.

His body is very flexible and agile, but he is short in stature.

Fortunately or unfortunately, the Master's good food and care allowed his body to continue to grow, and he grew very tall. He's still a baby who loves it when you baby him, but he's tall and very handsome. Apparently, he has some kind of noble pedigree or very good genes?

Zenitsu likes to hug the Master to his chest while sleeping, or to snuggle against their chest. If he wakes up before the Master, he will pet them and possibly whisper sweet / silly things in their ear while giggling.

He wears a collar bearing the Master's name with pride. Zenitsu soothes the feeling that he belongs to someone, and besides, this is the first time he was presented with a collar, which he also chose himself.

The Master very quickly becomes the "Master" in Zenitsu's eyes, even before they even realize it. The moment the Reader brought him food and patted him on the head, Zenitsu began to consider them as his Master.

He likes fish and dough. He will take fish from the table (the maximum level of his trust and affection for you is when Zenitsu is sure that you will not punish him with cruelty or leave him for taking fish from your table; even if you scold him / take the fish for yourself ).

Zenitsu constantly supports the Master in any way, especially if he sees that they are tired or depressed by something. He's not the slickest when it comes to support, but he goes out of his way to let them relax and smile.

A domestic cat that doesn't like the streets. He goes out only with the Master and does not leave them a single step.

Presses into the Master when he is afraid, and cries that there are ghosts in the house if he is scared. Zenitsu insists that the Master keep him all night.

He must be handled very delicately when it comes to anger. Zenitsu is passively aggressive because he is afraid to be aggressive in the open, and if the Master is obviously aggressive (aggressive, not strict), Zenitsu will cry to soften them.

Zenitsu would never abandon the Master, even if they did bad things to them. In the end, they are the closest person to him, and he has gone through too much bad, and too attached to them. After the collar begins to flaunt around Zenitsu's neck, a symbol of his belonging to them, the Master will become the center of his world.

[NSFW]

warnings: mentions of abuse (past owner), mentions of public sex, praise kink, pet play, claims kink, sparking, mentions of brat taming, penetration (reader receiving), anal penetration (reader giving), mentions of cockwarming, oral sex, dressing up, mention of hyperstimulation, mention of denial of orgasm.

It doesn't matter if the sex is gentle or rough, with or without penetration, and who exactly it brings pleasure, Zenitsu is delighted with any sexual activity with the Master.

When his first "rush" happens, he will steal the Master's clothes and will inhale its scent and masturbate on it.

Zenitsu likes it when the Master calls him "good" - good boy, good pet, good kitten. He hates being "bad" and easily bursts into tears if called that because he tries his best to be the best boy for his Master, and being "bad" activates his trigger for living with a past owner.

However, Zenitsu likes to be "dirty", "naughty", "needy" for his Master. He loves the feeling of resignation and weakness, when the Master can simply put him on their lap and spank him while Zenitsu whimpers and fidgets.

But he won't try to escape. Doesn't even think about it.

He likes the feeling of belonging to the Master. Zenitsu will be delighted if the Master "marks" him (hickey, bite).

He likes it when the Master pulls the leash, calling him.

Zenitsu himself rarely bites, preferring to "butt", but he can bite hard enough in a fit of passion, if his Master has not taught him not to do so. His bites go away quickly, especially if he licks the bite.

Zenitsu loves to feel defenseless and naked when his body belongs to the Master and they seem to become "one whole".

He whimpers, groans, sobs and purrs a lot. Especially purrs.

If the Master wants to take Zenitsu inside, then it is worth being prepared for the fact that his penis has a kind of soft "thorns" on the head (a greatly weakened feature preserved from the genes of "feline ancestors"). Since Zenitsu is a bred entertainment for human owners, his body is not as traumatic for a partner as if he were a wild cat, but this may be unusual at first. Although Zenitsu himself is delighted with the stimulation of these "thorns".

If the Master is riding Zenitsa, then closer to orgasm (with the Master's permission) he will push hard into their hips, to such an extent that they will have to lean on his shoulders or look for other support. Zenitsu is actually stronger than he looks, especially when he's this close.

Zenitsu loves when the Master is inside him. He has no preferences other than that the Master is good and that they never leave him (he always whimpers when this happens, even if he himself is no longer able to continue the session). Cockwarming is definitely something Zenitsu likes, especially if the Master snuggles close to him.

During wild sex, Zenitsu can scratch the Master's back if they don't bind his hands or take care of his claws. He will be very bad in the morning, and he will cry a lot and ask for forgiveness.

He likes to crawl at the feet of the Master and be between their legs.

Zenitsu whimpers and groans as the Master praises him for how well he serves them with his mouth. He is so passionate about being a good pet and being praised for his efforts.

He will wear the most beautiful clothes and underwear if he knows that the Master likes it. Zenitsu immodestly demonstrates his body, inviting the Master to play with him, although his cheeks are so red with embarrassment.

Zenitsu can orgasm if the Master plays with his ears or whispers dirty things on them.

Loves when he hears the Master's sounds or sees how their body reacts to pleasure. Mutual hyperstimulation is part of your intimate life.

Zenitsu denies his orgasm or hyperstimulates himself if he sees that the Master is not satisfied.

He'll love it if the Master claims it in public.

Zenitsu's body nicely shakes and twitches as he comes again from the Master's intense touch on his tail.

#kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba au #kimetsu no yaiba headcanons #stuffie.time to relax #stuffie.time to have fun #nsft #sfw #Zenitsu Agatsuma #zenitsu agatsuma x reader

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entomjinx · 4 years ago

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Here's 1554 words on Why Gray/Juvia is toxic for both parties + receipts and a small personal anecdote about why I'll never shut up about this:

Google doc Or click keep reading:

Firstly, Juvia gets very little growth as a character, to the point that even by the end of the series, she is still entirely obsessed with Gray and it's basically her only character trait(in canon). Everything she does is in someway related to Gray. Had she gotten real character development, I think I really would have loved her, but instead she was made to be nothing but someone who has an obsession with Gray. (Which clearly stemmed from hero-worship, and had it only lasted a short time with her coming to her senses and apologizing for it, then it might have been a good subplot!)

Secondly, even if she had gotten better, that would not erase the fact that she is a stalker and never even apologized. Even if she had apologized, Gray isn’t obligated to forgive her. Gray rejected her multiple times in canon(see bottom), and she continued to come on to him. If their roles were reversed, and it was Gray doing this to Juvia, everyone would be disgusted by the ship. There's a double standard around it. During the one year time skip when she forced him to live with her for 6 months while he was emotionally compromised, there was emotional manipulation similar to what is found in Stockholm Syndrome patients. In several fields of psychology, it's been tested(and confirmed) that in 99% of cases where a person dates their stalker, it is because of their manipulation during moments of high emotion(typically negative, chapter 416) often caused by the stalker themself but sometimes by outside elements(like with Gray(chapter 416), and yet again, is similar to Stockholm Syndrome). They only thing that happened between them is that she emotionally manipulated Gray into being complacent.

Thirdly, SHE WAS A STALKER. Period. There is NO justifying that for any reason. She made him uncomfortable in canon. He openly said he was uncomfortable IN CANON. She followed him around to places he thought he was safe, and made those places unsafe, and it affected his mental state in a visible way.

Fourthly, Gray is someone who cares deeply about his nakama, which makes him ignore a lot of his own problems if that means helping them, which is why he tried to let her down easily at first. He still protected her, because even though she made him uncomfortable, she's still a member of Fairy Tail.

Fifthly, she has several delusions about Gray, as are shown in canon, which are vastly different to how Gray actually is. Which means she's likely in love with her own idea of him, and not Gray himself (Again, this stems from the hero-worship and obsession). So while the delusions are played up for comedy and don't accurately depict Gray, they do accurately depict Juvia's VIEW of Gray.

Sixthly, she freaks out anytime he so much as speaks to another girl, which is a red-flag. That's not the kind of relationship anyone wants to be in, because it's over controlling and there's no real trust. It also speaks volumes about her codependency issues, which shows that being with Gray(an extremely independent individual) is also bad for her! The ship is toxic both ways.

Receipts

(and please note I only used a few for each because I could have pulled out more.)

Point 1 (little character growth):

-chapter 48: Juvia's debut chapter. She's depressed after what has clearly been years of abuse and is later reinforced in the few flashbacks we get of her (people leaving because of the rain and other reasons.)

-chapter 116: this is during the battle of Fairy Tail arc, and while Juvia has a little bit of character growth here, she goes right back to being overly jealous of everyone and trying to control who Gray interacts with as soon as the arc is over. Character development isn't development if it doesn't stick.

-Chapter 424: Juvia is in the exact same headspace as before, making herself sick over someone who rejected her multiple times. She could have gone to others for help! Lucy had a lead on Gray, so refusing that help and keeping to herself only shows that she was obsessed with the idea of doing things herself. This is a toxic mindset and would big a massive red flag in a real relationship, as it shows a desperate need for control over the other person.

-ft100 chapter 1: she still gets into the same headspace when Gray leaves. This is further proof that the relationship isn't just toxic for Gray, but for Juvia as well. (Extreme codependency is terrible)

Point 2 (emotional manipulation):

-Chapter 340: Juvia tells Gray that he's rude for being upset. She tells him that he should be smiling! She's blatantly ignoring his feelings and trying to control him.

-chapter 416: Gray is obviously distraught over what happened, and Juvia tries to make her guilt more important than his grief. She says "Juvia doesn't have the right to love you anymore," which is an obvious guilt trip. She's attempting to get him to respond positively instead of getting the negative responses she usually gets from him by using his grief weakened mindset against him. And that's not even mentioning that she stalked him to his parents grave all the way in Isvan. He clearly didn't invite her. Gray's too private of a character for that, and he obviously expected to be alone, considering his surprise when she shows herself. ("juvia! You followed me here?")

Point 3 (stalking, general abuse)

-see 416 above (how else would she have known he'd have gone back to an entirely different country when he obviously didn't tell anyone, let alone her.)

-episode 50: Juvia attempts to drug Gray with a love potion. This would make him love her regardless of his own feelings, basically making him a slave to her whims.

-chapter 67: she's clearly shown stalking him before joining Fairy Tail, and she never apologized or grew enough as a character that we can definitely say she wouldn't do so again.

-episode 129: Juvia stalked Gray when he went on a job with Erza.

-chapter 432: Gray's "why are you here?" Is a clear indication that she shouldn’t be there, and that she most likely followed him.

-there's also multiple sexual harassment issues, such as when Juvia asks Gray to punish/spank(depends on translation) her on Tenrou(chapter 249: "I don't have those kinds of hobbies!" Gray says, and then she responds with "I do") and when she admitted to sleeping with him without his knowledge during the Avatar arc(chapter 424: see Gray's rejections for the quote)

Point 4 (Gray is a softie and tried to let her down easy before being blunt):

-literally the entirety of Fairy Tail.

-Lullaby arc: he protects Lucy and Happy from some of the Eisenwald guild members, and openly worries about Erza pushing herself to hard to finish the mission.

-Galuna arc: he protects Lucy, Natsu, and Happy from Lyon, and he attempted iced shell TWICE to protect them from Lyon's plan.

-Phantom Lord arc: Gray is so adamant about protecting Lucy from Phantom that it's literally what starts Juvia's obsession with Lucy as her "love-rival."

-Tower of Heaven Arc: he's incredibly anxious about getting Erza when she's captured, and arguably the most urgent to get her back to protect her

Do I need to keep going or do you get the picture here?

Point 5(delusions):

-Do I even need to track all these down? There’s one ever dozen chapters or so, so we’ve all seen them.

Point 6(abuse and mistreatment of other characters):

-Lucy: chapters 77, 79, 86, 103, ect (there's so many more, all for the sake of getting rid of her "Love-Rival")

-Chapter 202: Juvia's is rude to Lisanna even when she's being kind and offering to be Juvia's partner, because she thinks Lisanna might "take" Gray. Gray isn't an object and shouldn't be treated like one, and that shouldn't be Juvia's priority here anyways. She can't see past her obsession to be nice to anyone else.

-chapter 208: Juvia puts Gray's safety over everyone else's and intended to lie to everyone so that she could go find Gray on her own to be his savior.

Some of Gray's rejections:

-chapter 271: This is one of the gentler rejections. Juvia brings a sleepy bag for her and Gray, and Gray says "No way am I getting in that."

-chapter 322: Gray asked her to let go of his hand and she refused.

-chapter 338: "Gray-Sama! I love you!" Was met with Gray's "I don't."

-chapter 424: "slept together.... well tried to. He kicked me out." Quoted Directly from Juvia.

One last thing: As someone who has been stalked TWICE, I can attest for how it fucks up your mental state. While it was still nowhere near as extreme as some of the lengths Juvia went to, it STILL has lingering effects on me. I still have difficulty even talking about it at times, because of how much it's fucked me up and given me paranoia. I literally live out in the middle of fucking no where and the though of my window now being covered terrifies me. What Juvia does is not okay, and I refuse to shut up about how toxic they are.

#anti-Gruvia #gray fullbuster #Juvia Lockser #fairy tail #essay #if you still ship gruvia after this #then my blog is not the place for you #I can't make you stop shipping it #but please do not interact with me #thanks #yes it's the same one that's on my twitter #it wouldn't let me post it from mobile.

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ladyfawkes · 4 years ago

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Fresh Chapter: Chapter 4 - Shattered Chapter 4 word count: 1273 Total word count: 6538 Excerpt from Chapter 4: “Pathetic,” seethed the terrifying and enormous goat-faced creature who had just thrown her to ground, yet again, “Useless pathetic vermin. Although I suppose I do have you to thank for freeing me at long last, don’t I?” continued the creature, its voice dripping with sarcasm. Cassandra had become the scapegoat and living ragdoll-plaything to a very moody and cruel ancient demoness. Suddenly the ugly beast reached down, grinding the knuckles of its enormous black claw against Cassandra’s back and proceeding to crush the young woman’s broken ribs even further into the rubble-strewn cavern floor. “Thank you,” the monster spat through clenched teeth. As Cassandra struggled to move, she experienced more intense agony than she’d ever felt in her life. ====================================== Essentially, this story is a “what if....” type-rewrite of the last half of Season 3. In other words, it is non-compliant post-Cassandra’s Revenge. Story Summary: Post-Cassandra's Revenge AU. Grievous injuries occur to more than one character during Cassandra's fight for magical dominance. Yet not every wound is apparent right away.In the aftermath from Cassandra's Revenge at Black Rock Tower, Eugene is trying to use his rare alone time to process all that had happened. Thankfully, he has Lance to keep him grounded with his own irksome ways.One enormous weight had been lifted and Eugene's psyche was flying because he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Rapunzel reciprocated all of his feelings for her. He also witnessed exactly to what lengths Rapunzel would move heaven and earth to fight for him. Amongst his euphoria for Rapunzel, however, he must also figure out how to forgive Cassandra.

Chapter 4: Shattered Searing blue-white pain tore through every nerve ending. Cassandra groaned with immense torment as her already-bruised and broken body slammed face-forward into the floor of the cavern beneath them. All remaining sense was knocked out of her for a time. "Pathetic," seethed the terrifying and enormous goat-faced creature who had just thrown her to ground, yet again, "Useless pathetic vermin. Although I suppose I do have you to thank for freeing me at long last, don't I?" continued the creature, its voice dripping with sarcasm. In the past however-long it had been (it could be one day, it could've been a week, it could've been a fortnight - Cass had lost any real sense of time after her Fall) Cassandra had become the scapegoat and living ragdoll-plaything to a very moody and cruel ancient demoness. Suddenly the ugly beast reached down, grinding the knuckles of its enormous black claw against Cassandra's back and proceeding to crush the young woman's broken ribs even further into the rubble-strewn cavern floor. "Thank you," the monster spat through clenched teeth. As Cassandra struggled to move, struggled to breathe, struggled to even think - she experienced more excruciating and intense agony than she'd ever felt in her life. Tracks of dried salt smeared her entire face, head, neck, and upper chest….for Cass had wept more silent tears since her tragic Fall than she could recall ever having cried during her first 25 years of living. Her heart thundered in her chest, a rhythmic pounding in which she found little comfort. Surely, she couldn't live much longer under these conditions. Once again, Cassandra found herself wishing for her own death. After all the wicked things she'd been conned into doing the past several months, the dastardly way she had mistreated Rapunzel…she cringed outwardly, recalling her abominable behavior at Eugene's first real birthday party….and even more recently repeatedly trying to kill Rapunzel …..and even came within a hair's breadth of killing Eugene minutes later…. By this point, the penitent young woman was resigned; being held captive and immobile left nothing to Cass but fitful nightmares and ruminating about all of the terrible things she'd done. As a traitor, Cassandra deserved no less than a death sentence. It's what her own father would've said, it's what Rapunzel's father would've said…..and it was definitely what Eugene's father would've wanted as well. Hell, it's even what Cassandra the soldier herself would've demanded less than a year ago, had she been the one to find a traitor in their midst rather than becoming one. Although Cassandra had tried to catch herself during her Fall, she had clearly failed. By trying to move a limb, turn her head - any motion under her own power - Cass could only succeed with inducing even more nausea and vertigo. The eardrum-ringing ever-present throb in the back of her head was easily the worst of all. Very close behind were her multiple broken ribs...She could feel them jabbing into her gut and lungs. Her armor too had mostly failed, only barely managing to keep her alive from her 1000-foot drop. Something about the Moonstone shattering into multiple shards. And after the newly-freed Enchanted Girl had touched her physically for the first time, Cassandra's mind had been instantly flooded with cruel imagery. The young woman had finally learned and understood exactly who this disguised and deranged monster truly was….it was none other than Zhan Tiri!!! And only then the grievously injured Cassandra could tell that the demon's psychological iron grip on her was finally loosened. Her injured mind was no longer possessed by the ancient demon. This very moment in the cavern, Zhan Tiri was utterly furious with her but Cass couldn't figure out why, exactly. Without doubt, someone as powerful as the ancient demoness shouldn't care this much now that the Moonstone had effectively succeeded with killing another useless human. After all, it had to have been the demoness who manipulated Cassandra into shattering the stone in the first place. That was a crucial piece of info Cass hadn't discovered until it was far, far too late. Was the Moonstone's destruction not the demon's ultimate goal after all? And why oh why wouldn't Goaty McSquidbottom just get things over with and put Cassandra out of her misery instead of torturing her? Cassandra gasped again painfully as her whole torso abruptly flared to life with an instantaneous fiery heat; this molten energy simultaneously crackled and flowed through her like an electrical current and in turn, leapt outward and powerfully zapped the monster's claw. Cass sensed rather than saw the bolt of energy arc from her back and up Zhan Tiri's huge arm; the evil demon roared at the sudden nasty shock she'd just received. That was...new, Cassandra blinked and thought numbly to herself, as the incensed evil demoness flailed about dramatically behind her. The young woman contemplated if this was anything close to what her victims felt when she had elected to zap them deliberately via the Moonstone's power. So….it turned out that Cassandra's crystalline armor was still struggling valiantly to keep her alive, determined to keep on fighting against the latest tortuous onslaught from the demoness. That fact, in turn, had to mean the Moonstone powers were still at least nominally functional. But that didn't mean the egregiously injured Cassandra was in conscious control of it. Cass couldn't decide which was more ominous….the fact that the Moonstone was going rogue or the fact that at this moment she'd be better off dead, as long as it meant the Moonstone couldn't manipulate her to hurt others anymore. Because Cassandra knew that one way or another, if she couldn't somehow extract the embedded shards of dark crystal out of her body, and quickly, she'd certainly be better off dead in either case. Cassandra's eyes squeezed tight against the excruciating pain and rapidly rising heat still emanating from her malfunctioning bodysuit. Yet she determined her armor itself wasn't responsible; rather the energy was pulsating in every direction from what felt to be those infernal crystal shards embedded within her chest wall. Each new energy pulse was roiling through her and outward across her armor. The young woman was also afraid to look up for fear Zhan Tiri would just abuse her again out of spite. By this point in time, Cassandra had wished 10,000 times over that she'd never heard of the Moonstone. And just a moment or two before Cassandra lost consciousness that last time, her poor body unable to withstand any more, the last sound in the whole universe she expected to hear filled her ears. "Oh geez….!" a man's voice swore explosively in a string of epithets from a ways off down the cavern. No! No! No! Cassandra screamed internally, irrationally angry that she was hallucinating again. Of all the people to hallucinate, why did it have to be him? She clamped her eyes shut even tighter, knowing she was unable to stave off the encroaching darkness for much longer. Nonetheless, footsteps rapidly drew nearer to her and in spite of every instinct telling her what she was perceiving couldn't possibly be real, that same voice spoke again, this time just above her. "Dear Jiminy Cricket on a busted crutch! Cass!??! What have they done to….where are…..if only I could help you somehow!" And although the injured young woman could only manage to crack open just one eyelid a few millimeters before she fainted…..the brief image Cassandra saw burned itself into her psyche. It was Eugene Fitzherbert's riding boots. "Cass!? Talk to me, please!" The figure above her dropped to one knee before silence finally enveloped Cassandra and everything faded to black.

#tangled fanfiction #rapunzel's tangled adventure fanfiction #rta fanfiction #alternate universe #Tangled AU fanfiction #Cassandra #whump #Cassandra whump

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hattafan2593 · 5 years ago

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Couturiere - Chapter 14: Everybody’s Fool

Adrien and Alya had stopped by the bakery.

Mom and Dad had turned them away at her request.

She just...couldn't.

"It's okay to still be upset with them, Marinette." Tikki told her.

"I'm not."

"Marinette..."Tikki looked at her pointedly.

"I...sigh, I don't know what to feel, okay? I just...I need time to sort things out."

That night, Mom and Dad showed her a pamphlet for a new school.

"We've been thinking, honey. If you're not comfortable with being in that school anymore, we can place you somewhere else."

Marinette's fists tightened in her lap. "I...don't..."

"We're not saying you have to. But there's no shame in walking away from an environment you feel you can't function in."

Marinette stared at the floor.

Mom came up and kissed her forehead. "Just think about it, okay? Let us know and we'll make the arrangements. But remember, this is about what you want."

Marinette knocked on the door, and held her breathe.

The door open slowly with a creak, and a blank faced Lila stared out.

Marinette smiled nervously. "Hey Lila. I brought eclairs."

Lila just stared at her.

Sighing, Marinette continued, "Listen, I don't...remember what happened when I was...akumatized, but...I know that I hurt you. Badly. And...you didn't deserve that. No one deserves that.

"I am so sorry. If there's anything I-"

Lila grabbed the box out of Marinette's hands and threw it on the ground. Without looking away or changing her expression, she stomped and ground the box until it was completely flat. Then she stepped back inside and slammed the door.

Inside, Marinette heard a scandalized "Lila!", and the door opened to reveal a frazzled looking middle-aged woman.

"Please forgive me. She just...you."

Marinette was frozen on the spot.

Mrs. Rossi sighed, then bent down to pick up the destroyed box of treats. Her gaze was full of pity.

"I'm sorry...but I think it would be best if you leave."

Marinette gave a shaky nod. Her eyes burned as she turned and walked away.

"I believe that I may have...made an error in judgement."

Marinette bowed her head in shame. She knew that Master Fu would be disappointed, but...

"I understand. I'll return my Miraculous to you immediately."

"NO!"

Marinette's head snapped up at Tikki's shout. Fu was looking at her, startled.

"Good grief, Master." Wayzz said reproachfully. "You couldn't have worded that a little better?"

"Forgive me Marinette." Fu said. "I did not mean to imply that I was disappointed in you, or that I wished to revoke your title as Ladybug. I merely meant that I have allowed myself to be blinded by what was right in front of me. You were in pain, and I failed to act. And for that I owe you an apology."

Marinette tensed. "You did nothing wrong, Master. I was the one who-"

"Was taken advantage of by Hawkmoth." Tikki interrupted. "What happened to Lila was Hawkmoth's fault! You can't blame yourself for that."

"But I'm Ladybug!" Marinette argued. "I'm supposed to be in control of my emotions! I never should have given him an opening!"

"Marinette! Controlling your emotions isn't the same thing as not feeling at all! You're still allowed to be upset. Lila and your friends hurt you."

"So they deserved to be hurt? To be traumatized?"

Tikki glared sternly. "That is not what I said and you know it. And them being hurt does not negate what they've done to you."

"Marinette." Master Fu calmly interrupted. "Do you remember what you did before you were akumatized?"

Marinette blinked in surprise. "I...ran home. I went upstairs to my room. And..."

"And...?"

"...I took off my earrings and put them in my drawer."

"Why?"

"...Because I couldn't let Hawkmoth get ahold of them. I...couldn't let them fall into the wrong hands."

"Exactly."

Marinette looked up to see Fu smiling. "Even at your lowest, you chose to protect others from Hawkmoth. That only proves that I chose wisely."

Tears streamed down Marinette's face. Fu took her hand.

"You are human, Marinette. A heart as big as yours, it's only natural that you would feel pain just as strongly." He squeezed her hand. "I cannot promise to take your pain away, child. But, if you would allow it...I would like to ease your burden, if only a little."

Marinette lunged forward and embraced the old man. He merely patted her back as she quietly cried into his shoulder.

Chloe showed up two days later.

Marinette just stared in shock.

"You left this," she shoved her hand in Marinette's face. "In my room. I have no need of it. Take it. Or don't. I really don't care."

It was her charm bracelet. Marinette slowly reached out and took it from Chloe's hand.

Chloe sniffed, flipped her hair, and sauntered towards the bakery door.

"Oh, and one more thing," Chloe turned back, pursing lips. "Drop the martyr act already."

"Excuse me?"

Chloe scoffed, placing a hand of her hip. "So you got akumatized. Guess what? So have I. So has almost everyone in our class. You're not special. And besides, Ladybug's fixed the damage so just get over your little guilt trip."

Marinette bit the inside of her cheek, resisting the urge to point out that Chloe was the reason almost everyone in their class got akumatized in the first place. "What makes you think I feel guilty? Maybe I'm still mad, did you ever think of that?"

Chloe rolled her eyes. "Oh please, Dupain-Cheng. I know you. If you had it your way, you'd take the blame for the Great Flood of Paris." At Marinette's stare, she got indignant. "What? I do pay attention in class sometimes."

Marinette folded her arms. "Why do you even care?"

"I don't. It's not my problem if you never speak to those plebeians ever again. If anything, it just means my Adrikins will spend more time with me." Chloe shrugged. "But you know how he is. He feels terrible about how things went down and he's beating himself up over it. Honestly, he's worse than you."

"..."

Chloe sighed. "Look, just...talk to them okay? It'll...I don't know. Help you get closure, or something."

"..."

"...Whatever." And with that, Chloe exited through the door.

Marinette's grip tightened around her bracelet.

Marinette thought long and hard about what she wanted.

She looked at the pamphlet that her parents had given her.

She looked at her charm bracelet, which laid on her desk untouched since Chloe returned it.

And then...she made a decision.

Marinette walked into class on Monday.

No one said a word as she took her seat and folded her hands on the desk.

"I'm...still mad at all of you."

Everyone collectively winced.

"It isn't even that you believed her lies. It's the fact that you all actively chose to believe the worst in me."

She forced herself to look them in the eye. "I know I'm far from perfect. I'm clumsy, I'm awkward, and I panic too easily. I sometimes act without thinking and yes, I do get jealous." She looked at Alya, who cringed slightly. "But for you to believe that I am so petty that I would willfully mistreat someone because of jealousy?

"Most of you have known me since l'école primaire. Do you really think so little of me?"

"I don't think any of us were thinking at all." They heard Juleka mutter.

She turned to Adrien. "I know why you did what you did, Adrien. I know you didn't mean to hurt me."

"But I still did." Adrien said sadly.

Marinette nodded. "You still did."

"Marinette..." she turned to Alya, who was looking hesitant. "When you were akumatized, you mentioned that Lila had threatened you."

Marinette sighed. "Yeah. She did."

"Girl, why didn't you say anything?!"

"Would you have listened?"

Alya reared back as if slapped, then chuckled bitterly. "Merde, I really messed up didn't I?"

She looked up at Marinette, eyes full of remorse. "I'm so sorry, Marinette. I can't say it enough."

The rest of the class followed suit, expressing their regret with genuine contrition.

Marinette closed her eyes. "I know you are. And...I think I could forgive all of you some day. But not right now. It still hurts too much."

She turned to Alya. "I can't trust you anymore."

Alya looked like she was trying not to cry as she nodded her understanding. Marinette took her hand. "But I want to. I want us to move past this. I still want us to be friends."

A single tear trekked its way down Alya's face as she squeezed Marinette's hand in gratitude. "I swear girl. I'll do everything I can to earn your trust back."

"Me too." Adrien said, holding out his hand. "I did wrong by you, Marinette. I swear I will never leave you hanging like that again."

Marinette smiled, and took his hand, never letting go of Alya's. "I'll hold you to that."

They sat like that for a while, only letting go when Madame Bustier came in to start the lesson.

Things weren't better. They wouldn't be better for a long long time.

But they would get there.

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storiesofwildfire · 6 years ago

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That’s the Tea

{ @forsakenmyths -- continued from (x) }

Leiella knew about Fandral. In fact, the stories of the dashing farmer amused her. She had been the simple girl in the castle in Wonderland, who found a home playing in the dirt of the gardens. It had been a hobby of hers that she had brought to the real world, her new home. She had worked with the soil behind the home she and Loki shared, willing it to bring life to the plants and seeds she nestled safely in it. So, yes, she found hope in the story of Fandral – a farmer’s son whom became a great warrior.

Stories of him also made Loki blush, which was endearing to Leiella.

Loki was out on some errands that day. Shopping for whatever Loki desired, lunch with Jor, picking up groceries, and who knew what else. Leiella could have gone with, but she had felt like staying home that day, settling in with her sketchbook and a cup of tea. There was also steal of one of Loki’s shirts, which was easily a dress on her. Sometimes, the hatter simply needed a day to hide away, and Loki understood that. She told him to deliver her best to Jor, promising that she would see him soon.

She had nearly finished her sketch when there was a knock on the door. Lei wondered for a second if she should just ignore it, but she didn’t know if Loki had ordered something, so she pulled herself up from the couch. Lei stood on her tip toes to see out of the peep hole, only to shake her head. “It can’t be..” She muttered, opening the door. “Fandral?” The hatter questioned of the man, whom seemed as tall, if not a little taller than Loki? They were both larger than her five-foot two frame, that was for certain.

The man introduced himself with a bright grin. He looked just like Loki’s drawings, but those did nothing for the true color of the man’s eyes. She invited him in, then put on a kettle for tea. “Loki is shopping and visiting with Jor. I wish he could see his other children.” Those words brought a sigh from the hatter, and she leaned against the counter while waiting for the kettle. Fandral sat on one of the stools at the island, where Lei usually sat while Loki cooked.

“Odin should not have taken Loki’s children. I don’t like a lot that man does. I refuse to call Odin a god. He is being that thinks he knows it all, but I see the look in Loki’s eyes when he misses his kids. Jor misses his siblings.” She gave another shake of her head, causing her long brunette hair to slide down over her shoulders. Lei met Fandral’s eyes. “It might be wrong of me to speak ill of someone I know is your leader…ruler…king…whatever, but I grew up in a castle. People sitting on expensive shiny chairs are not always right. They do not know what it is like to be down on the ground, to see the world from the level of everyone else.”

The kettle screamed, which distracted Lei from her rant. She turned, grabbing it and pouring it over their tea, nodding to the sugar and cream if Fandral wanted some. “Do you know what Odin did to him? To his powers? It’s wrong. Loki wasn’t….he didn’t do all that on his own. Loki is good. I can’t believe, in my heart, that he would ever want to bring the harm that Thanos forced him to do. I told Loki…I would march up to Odin myself and tell the old man the side of Loki I knew. The one that protects…that isn’t some lying trickster.” She gave a small smile, sipping her tea. “He loves a good laugh…but not at the expense of another’s pain. Odin….Odin seems to like the pain of others.” Her doe eyes dropped to her tea, watching the mixture settle.

“Do forgive me for this rant. I – I’m protective of Loki, and I will defend him to anyone that will listen. I’m…I’m a tiny human from a different realm than this one, but it won’t stop me from standing at Loki’s side.” She took another sip of her tea, looking sheepish then, because she realized she might have overstepped some boundary with her words. “I love Loki, and Loki’s children.” Even though she had only met Jor, Lei still had a love for every one of Loki’s children. They were apart of Loki, so it was impossible for Lei not to love them as if they were her own – to feel protective of them. Despite never having carried a child herself.

And that was the bottom line for her – the love she and Loki shared.

♔—- Fandral hadn’t known much of what transpired on Midgard once Loki reappeared there after everyone assumed the younger prince dead. All he (and anyone, truly) understood about the events was that Loki went to Midgard with an Infinity Stones, brought some sort of alien race with him, and waged an attack on the mortals for... well, according to the stories, it was for power, that Loki had gone there to act as some sort of all-powerful God and ruler to a race of individuals that most Aesir believed were not worth their time.

The story, however, did not make much sense to Fandral. While he did witness Loki go a little bit batty after Thor’s banishment, he’d always felt as if there was some sort of underlying issue that he knew nothing about. Loki had never been a cruel person, never one to purposefully hurt or destroy another without real justification or necessity, and watching Loki fall so quickly...

Well, Fandral did feel partially responsible for it, in all truth. Sif had persuaded the Warriors Three to commit treason, to go after Thor as Loki sat on the throne despite both Odin and Loki’s orders to leave Thor in banishment. Loki hadn’t really snapped until that moment, hadn’t actually done anything underhanded or violent until he caught sight of Thor’s friends--of people who were meant to be his friends as well--rushing off to defy him in favor of the elder Odinson.

That betrayal...

Gods, Fandral regretted that more than he could say. Loki had always been good to him, was the reason he’d come to Gladsheim in the first place. Much of his success amongst the royals and elite warriors of Asgard was thanks to the younger prince, and how did Fandral thank him? Treason. Treason because he allowed himself to be so easily persuaded into going to help Thor. In hindsight, Loki had been perfectly within his rights to send the Destroyer after them, to slaughter them all for treason. Had it been Odin, the All-father wouldn’t have hesitated to kill them for their crimes against the throne... Yet they demonized Loki for it, bastardized him, and never even stopped to think about what might have caused Loki’s distress to begin with.

Fandral knew Loki and he knew that Loki was nothing close to power-hungry. He never cared about being king, which was what made Loki’s reappearance on Midgard that much more perplexing. And it wasn’t like he could get any clear answers from Thor or Odin or anyone who might have more insight. As quickly as Loki was pulled back to Asgard, Odin banished him once again, sending him back to the very realm he’d attempted to control.

Guilt weighed heavy on the swordsman’s shoulders, but it was more than guilt that eventually led him to visit Midgard himself. He was curious, wanted answers for things that simply didn’t make up, worried for his lost prince... If nothing else, Fandral wanted to make sure that Loki was all right.

With a little help from Heimdall, Fandral was able to head in the right direction, eventually coming to a small home where an even smaller woman answered the door. She knew him immediately just from looking at him--meaning Loki must have talked about him frequently--but she was kind to him, didn’t show any signs of Loki ever telling her negative stories regarding him, so he was as bright and as bubbly as he could be as he introduced himself and followed her inside once she invited him in.

It struck Fandral as odd that Loki, a prince supposedly desperate for power, had settled down with such a small, lovely mortal in rather modest accommodations. Someone who sought power didn’t have time to sit down and fall in love with someone who didn’t have any power to offer them...

She poured him a bit of tea as she started chatting away. She made mention of Loki’s kids, and while Fandral knew of them, he hadn’t actually met any of them aside from Sleipnir. Odin forbade Loki from speaking of his children to anyone. Loki, of course, did tell a few people, those who were closest to him, those he could trust. It wasn’t a surprise that he’d gone off to visit Jörmungandr, the one who was bound to Midgard...

Though, Loki did have to wonder if the children were part of the reason Loki acted out so much in the first place? Even the details surrounding Loki’s temporary time as the King of Asgard weren’t exactly clear. Had Loki rebelled against Odin for his children? In fairness, no one would be able to blame the mischief-maker, a young mother who had been stripped of the children they brought into the world and forced to watch them mistreated by their own grandfather...

Odin truly had done so much to Loki and the worst of it was? No one seemed to care.

Except for this young woman. She rapidly went off in a fit of defense for her lover. At the very least, Loki found someone who loved him and would go to the ends of the Earth for him if she had to. Vocal and very passionate... no wonder Loki fell for her so easily.

“It’s all right,” Fandral assured her. “Odin has... done quite a bit of damage to Loki, that much I know to be true. Especially when it comes to Loki’s children. I shouldn’t even know about them if Odin had his way. Loki never would have been allowed to tell me anything about them. I am not...” As foolish as it sounded, Fandral was actually afraid to admit that he wasn’t fond of Odin, that he wasn’t exactly loyal to the All-father. To Asgard itself? Absolutely, but to the man on the throne?

“If I said what I wanted to about Odin, I could be held accountable for treason,” he finally decided on saying.

Fandral frowned and reached for the cream and sugar, dropping a bit of each into the tea that Lei poured for him with a soft thanks. “It’s honestly lovely to see that Loki’s found someone who loves him so much, who is so intent on protecting him no matter what. That wasn’t exactly what I expected to find when I came here, but it is such a lovely surprise. I--”

He quieted himself for a moment as she asked him if he knew what Odin did to Loki’s magic and then she made the mention of Thanos. Who was that?

“I assumed Odin stripped Loki of his power, as he did to Thor when Thor was banished to Midgard,” Fandral murmured. “Has he done something beyond that? And forgive me, but who is Thanos? Someone involved in why Loki showed up here in the first place? I--I must be honest, what happened to Loki and the circumstances leading up to his reappearance here on Midgard are something of a mystery. Everyone keeps saying that Loki’s a monster, that he couldn’t get what he wanted on Asgard, so he tried to take it on Midgard instead, but that is... not the person I know. That is not the person I have always known. Loki may be a bit of a prankster and Loki may get into a fair amount of trouble from time to time, but I have always known him to be kind, loving, and generous, and everything I’ve been told and have seen is not lying up with who I know Loki to be. It’s why I came, truth be told, because I wanted to see that Loki was at least doing all right, but I wanted... to understand.”

Perhaps asking Lei without Loki present was improper on his part, but these were the answers he’d been looking for.

#forsakenmyths #c; leiella sauveterre #( side muse ) fandral #( thread ) that's the tea #( main verse ; post avengers ) a sorcerer of no sorcery #( ship ; forsakenmyths ) a box of cats ; crazy yet irresistible #( ship ) loki x lei #( long response ) if it were easy everyone would do it #( queue ) it burns queue to have come so close

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spinzgirl · 6 years ago

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What’s Love Got to Do With It?

So I’m still seeing posts about how Lotor got a shit deal from Allura, and how she should take the blame for his becoming this:

Now, even if we didn’t know his history, the idea that a woman is responsible for a man’s behavior is dangerous. The last thing young girls need to hear is that they should treat a man with kid gloves and cater to his every whim. Even worse, that a woman should forgive a man of straight up murder because he says he loves her!

I remember when we got the first teaser for Lotor. The fandom went into a frenzy because he was seen as the hot guy with the great hair and sexy accent. In the first episode of S3 he’s introduced as the “heir apparent” to the Galra throne. He handily defeats Throk and quickly establishes himself as someone to be both feared and trusted.

However, as he leaves the arena he tells his generals that the masses are easily manipulated. Of course those words sound like a jab at the Galra to both the generals and the viewers of the show. In a greater context it would include them and us as well. We don’t learn this until S6, when he explains to Ezor and Zethrid that he needed to make the Voltron team believe that he was sincere in helping them in order to get into the rift. He saved them at Nacxella for his own benefit, and used Voltron to help weaken the Galra Empire as well.

In S5 Lotor spins a sad tale about how he wants to be like King Alfor (who he never met) and how he tried in vain to save a planet (unverifiable information) to make Allura believe he wants to save the universe. He manipulates her feelings by constantly reminding her that their fathers had been friends and that she is the universe’s best hope. He never lays out an actual plan, just continuously harps on how much better things will be with all of the quintessence they’ll have access to.

All the talk about him being able to overcome his childhood trauma? Allura’s father was murdered by his friend and comrade. She of all people could easily use that as a reason to become a tyrant. We even see evidence of that in “Hole in the Sky” when we learn about Empress Allura and the Altean empire. There no one got to choose their path in life. Our Allura never makes demands of others, and never manipulates people to get the results she wants.

But not only does she not want to rule the universe, she doesn’t even ask for praise for saving it. She reminds Lance that it’s not about the glory. Even the fact that she takes on the role of Keith in the “Voltron Show” episode says a lot. There is no desire on her part to be recognized for saving planets and freeing people. Her singular goal is to get people to willingly work together to defeat Zarkon.

On the flip side we have Lotor. Whereas the Blade of Marmora are berated for not having accomplished anything for ten-thousand years, Lotor is somehow exempt? And when we do find out he’s been working in the shadows to depose his father we see that he’s done so at a great expense.

First, look at the colony. It’s been there for roughly 100 centuries. They’re living in huts essentially. Minimal technology, space pods that no one can use. You see the group of people lined up for the mission? Not a staggering number, is it? In that time frame the human populations is estimated to have gone from 1-10 million to roughly 7 billion.

I realize we don’t know how many Alteans he began with, but one would think over that great a time period the population would have grown exponentially. This shot below is of a group of Alteans arriving early on. It’s hard to see but the line reaches well towards the mountains. So, a fairly large number, much bigger than we see in the current day photo above.

In contrast we see how many are being held in the harvesting facility. Roughly the same number, maybe more? But keep in mind that when Bandor returned he was dying. So these aren’t the same Alteans who have been there this entire time. They’re having to be replaced. Considering how little time he’d been gone, we could estimate the average to be a year before they are replaced. By that count how many thousands would have died over the centuries?

The other interesting thing is the statue. It’s massive. It would be viewable from any corner of the colony. Lotor makes a point to land his ship in front of it. He is creating an illusion of his “greatness” to keep the colonists from questioning or challenging his rule. It’s also greatly narcissistic. He views himself as their savior, after all.

The visual of the names on its base is a stark reminder of those who were sent to die. Lotor has literally tried to build an empire on the bodies of the Alteans he was supposed to save.

And finally, when the truth comes out and Allura literally dumps his ass, he doesn’t seem in the least bit distressed about it. His generals rescue him and he’s basically “thanks, now let’s go get that quintessence.”

When they arrive and are greeted by the four lions he does try to win Allura over one last time. He may have actually fallen for her during his time on the ship. But it was a shallow love at best, because the moment she says he’s worse than his father he vows to wipe her from existence. There’s zero hesitation on his part. That speaks volumes about his mindset.

Anyway, that’s my say on the whole Lotor situation. You can call the writers lazy all you want, but they built a case against him. They didn’t just flip a switch. There was careful planning involved. And to call it discriminatory is laughable. Galrans have been depicted as being capable of good (Keith, the Blade, etc.) and Alteans as being capable of evil.

To say that he should be given a happy ending because his mother was distant and he was raised by a governess? Sorry, but that just puts him on par with your average rich boy. We see nothing that indicates he was abused (neglected, yes) or mistreated as a child. They aren’t pointing to his past as an excuse for his current behavior, either. After all Keith was orphaned and seemingly had a rough time in the foster system. He also grew up without a mother. Yes, Shiro helped him get his shit together, but there’s no way I’m going to believe Keith would've become a mass murderer had the two not met.

So let’s drop the “Lotor was wronged by the writing staff” dialogue and appreciate that we were given such a well written, three-dimensional villain.

And what can you do instead?

Why not write about how bad you feel for Allura for being used in such a cruel way. About how this is going to make trust difficult for her in the future. About how she’s already lost and suffered so much but always looks forward positively, trying to save as many as possible even at her own peril. About how Lotor took the last bit of home away from her as well. About how you want to see her get a happy ending with the person SHE loves.

Can we see more of that?

#sometimes the bad guys are actually bad #not just misunderstood #you can still like Lotor #no one will judge you #but that means accepting him as he is #now can we please give Allura a break

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xesoteric-extraterrestrialx · 7 years ago

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Sorry to everyone for not having a chance to post lately.. Been dealing with harassment and abuse... I wrote this the other day when venting after my dad went psycho on me for taking a shower. I'll probably end up deleting this cause it's really personal and I quote other people to express and try to explain what I'm going through, just need to vent, sorry for being a burden.. 😔

Does anyone else's dad get a hard on from harassing you? Like, you don't even do ANYTHING and they just try to find any reason to try and harass you? Or your sibling does shit that pisses them off so instead they take it out on you? It's like he gets some sort of sick satisfaction from abusing me. Did I mention he stands and listens outside my door like a creep? (Caught him standing outside under my window just creeping too) I can't even take a shower when my dad's home cause he tries to find any reason to try and fight with me so he can turn the water off and fight // see me in a towel, it's REALLLY disturbing...

It's funny 'cause he'll yell at me and tell me he's going to kick me out (When he's the one who told me to move back in after I had already moved into my own apartment; long story the people upstairs wouldn't stop partying, which was a problem for me since I was working full time. I vented to my sister who told him and he offered to do the basement so I could "save up for collage and save up for my own place again" but I was a fool to actually believe him, really a fool. When has he ever helped me, ever? When has he ever been JUST nice to me? Can't even think of ONE time.. I should have never moved back into this abusive household...) for JUST TAKING A SHOWER. Literally, I just got kicked out of the shower that was only 15mins long and his reasoning "You're in there an hour!" Really? 'Cause I have to time my showers since this isn't the first time he has done this and I was rushing to be out before 20mins but nope, water is cut off. My brother can take a literal 30-an hour shower and his girlfriend someone who doesn't even live here can take a separate shower whenever but I try to take a shower once or twice a week (while he's home) and EVERY TIME, I'm harassed. (This is why I have to take showers when no one is home but I worked out late and wanted to take a quick one, thought I'd be safe but I can never feel safe around that sociopath.. Needed to get some more footage of his harassment so at least I have that for my lawyer...)

It's kind of like how during this past summer when it was hot as fuck outside, I wasn't allowed to use the AC BUT when my brother was home HE was allowed to use it. My dad would go crazy on me if I put it down just so the fan's on just to be able to breathe in the heat but wouldn't even bother my brother about it and then when the weather became cooler and cold enough outside where you don't need AC on, my brother was still using it and received no harassment! But oh no, if Janine puts it on the world has to end. Sexist. Another example: I used to work for his business and would try to go above and beyond with customer service and do what was needed so his company would sound professional and maybe if I did well enough he wouldn't treat me like shit for once for actually doing a good job but no, just a burden to let me work for our family business so he let me go and instead HIRED RANDOM OLD LADIES WHO DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THEY WERE DOING!! Lmao, let's not trust your own daughter who has experience in the field and has been employee of the month at past jobs but trust these people who don't even know how to work a computer. He let's my brothers work for him and gives them money even though he KNOWS he's enabling their drug problems right now and he gets pissed when they're on drugs at work but instead of confronting them about it and actually being a parent he comes and harass's ME, WHAT DID I DO?! YOU'RE MAD CAUSE YOU'RE GIVING THEM MONEY AND THEN THEY GO OUT PARTYING AND CAN'T WORK THE NEXT DAY BUT YOU YELL AT ME INSTEAD, WHERE IS THE LOGIC??!!?! WHERE??!?! MADNESS!!! INSANITY!!! I don't even want to talk about my brothers with this situation but it needs to be said not to call them out but to show how he mistreats me cause he's so sexist and harrass's me EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

"I didn’t grow up in a stable home. My childhood wasn’t filled with catching fireflies outside nor did it involve chasing down the ice cream man. It involved self induced paranoia and sleepless nights where I had to become my own vigilante- keeping an eye out for the monster that did not live in my closet nor underneath my bed. This monster didn’t have razor sharp claws or scaly skin, this monster was much scarier. This monster was a human being and he slept right across the hallway from me."

I wish my mom never met this piece of shit, to think I could not even be born right now and not have to be dealing with this constant abuse, I don't even know anyone else who deals with constant harassment from their father like this, he's OBSESSED with trying to destroy me. To think my mom could have been in a normal relationship and actually been able to enjoy her life instead of dealing with this psychopath's obsession to tear down and destroy other's, including his own family. No wonder we weren't allowed to get close to his side of the family, he was afraid we'd find out the truth of how disgustingly cruel of a person he is, too bad ended up figuring it out the hard way.. "No child asks to be born. There is no excuse to treat them like a burden when their existence was YOUR decision.."

"I will not regret venting about this on going harassment, he's not sorry for harming me so I don't feel guilty for venting about his abuse. I have the right to protect myself and document what this toxic person puts me through even though they're "family." They already had their chance to be a decent human being but choose to continue to show their true colors over and over."

"I should have learnt the definition of abuse from a dictionary. You didn’t have to teach me what it meant."

"Why do I get outcasted from society and not my abusers? Why is society happily willing to aid and accept and adore abusers? Why do abusers easily get all and any resources, support, validation, acceptance and love? And victims are denied all of it and backed into corner and forced to pay for abuser’s crimes? Do I really need to deal with being rejected and unwanted by society on top of being abused? Do I have to watch the entire world side with my abusers? Is it never enough?"

"Enough excuses for parents who abused their kids but “meant the best”. They “meant the best” for themselves, not for the kids. It’s fucking easy to just rely on emotional abuse, threats, humiliation, shame, guilt and violence to get your way and to force your kid to stay in control and to sabotage and fuck up the child’s life so you would feel good about it, and then to just remind yourself “i meant the best” to feel no guilt about doing so whatsoever. Just repeating to yourself “it doesn’t hurt them” and “they deserved it” while actively forcing your child to keep all the obvious trauma symptoms out of sight or ensuring the child believes it’s their own damn fault for feeling the way they do.

You know what’s not easy? Having your parent force control of your life via emotional abuse, threats, shame, humiliation, violence. Your parent getting into your own head and gas-lighting your senses until you feel worthless and insane and like a monster, until you don’t dare to feel your own feelings, until you’re ashamed of the pain you feel and can’t see yourself as anything other than a horrible burden and nothing you do can ever change that or make you good enough. You know what’s even harder? Still believing that your parent “meant the best” and not even daring to blame them and still being forced to draw the conclusion that it was after all, all your fault, for existing as you do, for being who you are, for not ever being good enough! And then, on top of all of it, hearing the rest of the world agree with the parent’s view, pressuring you to never blame them, to forgive them, to never hold them responsible, to “be better” and understand them, to not ever try to place blame on anyone but yourself because then you’re the monster.

Just. How. Is. One. Supposed. To. Heal. From. That.

Healing can’t even begin until the blame is placed on the parent! This person literally benefited from their child’s suffering! They did not get affected negatively from it at all, they didn’t even care, they walked away satisfied and getting what they wanted while the child now has a lifetime of traumatic consequences and mental illness problems! Their freedom is taken away, their quality of life reduced, their relationships and friendships sabotaged, their confidence crushed! They’re placed at extra risk for addictions and obsessions because they keep falling into the black pit of trauma no matter how hard they try to distract and their life is heavy and painful no matter how well they do afterwards! Their brain can’t regulate stress properly anymore! Abuse causes literal brain damage and all this is just so the parents would get their way! And you all still insist they shouldn’t feel guilty about it or be faced with consequences of their abuse? They shouldn’t fucking admit to themselves and to their children what they’ve done? If the truth will kill them, let them die. Abused children’s right to heal comes way before the abusers feeling good about themselves."

"Living in the same place as a toxic person, especially toxic family member, is exhausting and damaging full time, not only while they’re abusing you directly, but at every moment because you just know they want to hurt you and even while they’re not doing it, you know they’re planning to, and you have no idea what to expect and when it will happen and how big the damage is going to be, being kept in uncertainty and constant expectation of abuse can drive you insane. It’s actually worse when they’re temporarily nice because you don’t even know what to make of it, it gets harder and harder to call them out or confront them, especially if they use fake niceness to manipulate others’ general opinion of them and to invalidate your claims of abuse. So even if the abuse is rare and the rest of the time they somewhat leave you alone or play nice, stress and anxiety is full time, incapability to stop or even voice their actions gets worse and piles up until you feel helpless and like you’re somehow in the wrong and accusing the abuser wont get you anywhere but makes you look bad instead.

Living in these conditions long term will fundamentally change your own perception of yourself, and the sense of your own importance and value, often it will result in trauma as well. Just knowing that you’re in environment that continually allows someone to hurt you, and even supports it, forces you to accept that the world considers hurting you something that is natural and normal and should be done. How wouldn’t that cause anxiety and feelings of unsafely and abandonment and of low self worth? It’s fucking terrifying you mean so little to this world they would have you destroyed just because someone felt like destroying you."

This quote always helps me through times like these..

"You don’t owe your family affection if they are being abusive and treating you poorly. I know that it’s so difficult not to feel guilty for holding back that love. I know that there are people who will tell you that you should just grin and bear it because they’re family. People who will shame you for the way you feel. People who will try to convince you that wanting to take care of yourself in this way is selfish and unjustified. But the truth is that it’s not your responsibility to be kind or loving to people who have consistently hurt and mistreated you – especially when these people continue to disregard your feelings, ignore your boundaries, and refuse to take responsibility for their behavior. Just because the person hurting you is family doesn’t make them an exception.

Choosing not to be affectionate with family who have abused or mistreated you doesn’t make you a bad person. It isn’t selfish or disrespectful. It’s a form of self-care. It’s about you honoring your feelings and holding people accountable for their abuse. It’s about you standing up for yourself and your needs. It’s about you making your mental health a priority. So if getting distance from certain family members is what you need right now, or permanently, then you have every right to withhold your love and leave. You don’t have to sacrifice yourself for the sake of maintaining a relationship. And you don’t ever have to apologize for creating a safer space for yourself."

The harrasment and abuse just doesn't end, he just went psycho on me again for brushing my damn teeth, I'm not even doing anything wrong!!!

#Abusive Father #Harrassment #Abuse #Abusive Dad #Depression #Ptsd #Sad #Anxiety #Depressive #Depressed #Toxic Family #If You Like The Quotes Go Support The Original Writers Please #Original Quotes Are At The Top Of My Likes Section

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scaredykate · 7 years ago

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processing fees

tw: emotional abuse, tw: gaslighting, tw: sex, tw: grief

i’m not really sure how to begin this, and my blog that i hardly use is probably not where i should be talking about it, but i wanted to put this somewhere: i was in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship for almost two years.

it took me a while to realize this, and there are still days where i waver back and forth on whether or not it’s actually the truth or if i imagined it all. but i’ve been coming to terms with what happened to me, and forgiving myself for not knowing sooner, for that strange kind of guilt that comes with healing, etc etc

the story is this: i “dated” someone in scotland for a month or so, back in the fall of 2015, when i had first moved there. i use quotes because our dating relationship consisted of us hooking up every day for several weeks and not telling anyone about it. it was a weird time in general--i met him on my second week there, he was one of only seven people total in my master’s degree program. i had no close friends at all, he was absurdly charming, and seemed to be very intently interested in me. when i left california for scotland, i was still heartbroken and vulnerable from a previous relationship, but then all of a sudden, someone was into me. it made me feel seen, which i felt like i was starved for. he was talking to me all the time, and openly pursued me, asked me out for coffee, very respectfully only kissed me on the cheek. it felt too good to be true.

it escalated quickly and then, seemingly out of nowhere, he broke up with me because i didn’t feel comfortable having sex with him, saying he couldn’t see himself with anyone who he couldn’t share that with. he left my apartment after, but came back that very same night, said he just wanted to hold me. that he just wanted to be with me for a little while, begged me not to be angry with him. we got back together and broke up and got back together again over the span of a few weeks. all the while, things were... let’s just say... intense, both physically and emotionally between us... then he broke it off for the final time.

i had been so invested in him (at the time, he was really my only “friend” there in scotland) that when he asked to remain friends, i said yes without thinking about it. i always stay friends with my exes, i told myself. and honestly, i felt so alone and isolated, i felt like i NEEDED to stay friends with him. i wanted to be with him still, held onto the “good” parts, like the things he’d said to me while we were still together, and the kind things he’d done for me. i have an addictive personality, and i had allowed myself to become attached to him, and i think that’s where some of this blame/shame that i would deal with later came from: i felt like i had done something wrong, like i deserved punishment.

we were “friends” for the full year and a half i lived in scotland, and for a solid six months after i got back to CA. again, i use quotes, because looking back on it now, it wasn’t quite... friendship, exactly. i was his emotional girlfriend for most of that time, where he would rely on me when he was feeling sad but then describe to me in varying levels of detail (knowing full well i still had feelings for him) his conquests at the club, and who he wanted to, for lack of a more tactful term, fuck. when i was feeling lost or alone or scared, he would be invested the minimum amount to convince me he cared, but when i opened up to him, he would return with things like “i don’t know what you want me to say to that” or “why don’t you just relax? it’s not a big deal.”

eventually, it came to light that he had broken up with me not because of the sexuality issue, but because he was still in love with his ex-girlfriend. this comes into play because fairly soon after i returned to CA, he was seeing someone new, someone he’d met in the club, but he had just found out that his ex-girlfriend (who he was still very much not over) had moved on and was seeing someone else. it absolutely crushed him. he was miserable. when we facetimed, he described how depressed he was, and i could see it, and i ached for him, wanted to make it better for him. he would often tell me after we had finished speaking over the phone how there was no one else who listened to him the way i did. this kept me holding on to this idea that i was good for him, that we were good together, that he made me happy and i made him happy, and so on and so forth.

he broke up with the girl from the club. he started seeing someone new, who he would talk about frequently. i stopped asking about his life because hearing him talk about her or seeing their pictures together made me feel physically sick. he asked me why i never asked about his girlfriend. he knew full well i had feelings for him still. everyone told me to cut him out of my life, that i couldn’t keep on living like that. i would describe it later in a poem as “begging for my own existence”--everything about me was wrapped up in him and what he thought.

i used to explain away his poor treatment of me with things like “but he cares about me deep down” or “he’s just hurting!” or feel like maybe i just thought i was being mistreated but i wasn’t really, but in essence, whenever i would appear to lose interest in him, he would say something that kept me hooked.

the last time we facetimed, it was when his girlfriend was away. we chatted for a while, but it was a bit stilted, as i had started to place some distance between us over the last little bit of time. later, he asked me “am i still cool?” over text message, and when i asked him what he meant, he explained “i mean, how do you feel about me now?” when i told him i no longer had feelings for him, he said how happy that made him, and said it was probably because he’d been giving me space for my own good, twisting my own hard work to make him look better, more righteous.

i truly believe it wasn’t intentional, his actions and words that kept me clinging to him. but the fact of the matter is, i spent two years of my life in a relationship that was fundamentally toxic, and i had no idea that i had been abused, because i was so convinced that i couldn’t be abused by someone who i cared about, and who cared about me. and everytime that thought would even cross my mind, i would tell myself i was being too dramatic, and i needed to, in his casual, blase way he always said it: just relax.

this kind of thing doesn’t just... go away. even when i’m past the EVENT of trauma, even if the spell i felt like i was under has dissipated, the haze has cleared, even though we don’t speak anymore, it’s still something that drastically changed and shaped me. something for which the healing took a long, long time. like an earthquake, there are still aftershocks. and healing is not a linear process, as my wonderful friends have often reminded me, so that i will be kinder to myself as i move forward.

just recently, i started to have feelings for someone properly for the first time since this happened to me. he pursued me for a little while, but he didn’t catch feelings for me in return, even though he wanted to. he communicated this to me in a kind, sweet, vulnerable way. i won’t lie, it still hurt. it was confusing and heartbreaking, and i cried for what felt like hours. instinctively, i could have easily reverted back to “this is my fault, i am unlovable” because that’s what my abuser made me feel. but this boy is not the boy who abused me. in fact, they couldn’t be more opposite. i’m friends with him now, and our friendship is healthy. our friendship is good, and pure, and has no ulterior motives. he is not using me, i am not using him. it’s good. it’s so good.

i guess what i’m trying to say is that i’ve been healing. i’m still healing. i will continue to heal. and bright spots like my new friend, and the old friends that helped carry me through the hardest days of my life, make the process bearable. there will be bad days, and good days, and everything in between.

but i am okay. i’m okay.

#kaytie rambles #long post #personal #emotional abuse tw #grief tw #gaslighting tw #abusive relationships tw #sex tw #sexuality tw #please let me know if i forgot any trigger tags!#i'm processing this stuff but i never want to cause anyone pain by them reading it!

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heebiejbies · 7 years ago

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Limerence - XIII

Limerence Masterlist

Characters: Sehun and OC (Ursula)

Warnings: This series contains mentions of assault, sexual violence, and stalking.

Word Count: 4.6k

Limerence: The state of being infatuated or obsessed with another person, typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one’s feelings.

Sehun had taken me to a house in the middle of nowhere. When I looked out the window, all I could see was woods. At night, the stars were so prominent that I knew we weren’t anywhere near a city. I didn’t know what day it was, nor how long we had been gone. Sehun had no television or computer so I had no way to know.

He didn’t leave me tied up in a room somewhere. In fact, he let me be free whenever I wanted. He kept a close eye on me, though. I tried my best to keep myself from losing my mind, so I pretended like this was a vacation for the two of us. Sehun seemed to see it that way, so I played along.

The Sehun I saw when he abducted me wasn’t this Sehun, this is the Sehun that I knew and loved. The Sehun that abducted me, who he is I had no idea. He was gone the second I woke up, though.

When I regained consciousness, I refused to open my eyes in fear of what I would see. I let my hand explore around me, and I concluded that he had laid me in a bed somewhere. I let my other hand explore the other side and my fingertips grazed across skin. I flattened my palm across it and I knew it was someone’s back. I opened one of my eyes slightly, seeing that the person next to me was Sehun.

I laid in bed and let myself fully wake up. Too afraid to move, I did nothing but lay and stare at Sehun’s bareback. When he began to stir, my breath hitched and I watched as he turned over to face me and he smiled.

“I’m so glad to see that you’re finally awake,” He brushed some of my hair away from my face, “Are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere? Do you want or need anything?” He sat up and examined me closer, “You shouldn’t be too rough on your back for awhile. You bruised it up pretty bad, but I don’t think you broke anything so you should be fine. I have painkillers if you need them. Come on,” He got out of bed and came around to the side I laid on, “Let’s run you a nice, warm bath so your muscles can relax. What do you want to eat? I’ll make you anything you want~”

He didn’t act like anything was wrong. He acted like the Sehun I loved.

He led me into a bathroom bathed in marble. Candles were scattered around the room, and sitting on the vanity was a bouquet of roses. He let me sit on the edge of the bathtub while he ran the water to fill it. While it ran, he helped me to my feet and helped me remove my clothes.

“I promise, I’m not trying to see you naked. I don’t want you to hurt your back, if you want me to close my eyes then I will. Just let me help you.” I didn’t answer, so he took that as confirmation that he could continue. He removed my clothes and laid them in a pile on the floor.

I caught glimpse of my body in the mirror. My back had dark bruises scattered all across it. The sight of it made me gasp, catching Sehun’s attention. He saw the look on my face and he rushed to my side. He turned my body away from the mirror and wrapped his arms carefully around me from behind. He placed chaste kisses on my back, “You’re still the most beautiful person in the world to me. No matter what, you will always be beautiful.”

Even when I knew what he had done, I still couldn’t bring myself to hate him. Either out of fear or foolishness, the love couldn’t be erased so easily.

He helped me get in the bathtub, and went to make a meal. He had put lavender in the bath water to help me relax, which actually did help. My body didn’t feel as stiff, and the headache I had started to go away.

Sehun returned around forty-five minutes later. He helped me out of the bathtub and wrapped a towel around my body. He dried my body off, helped me put my underwear on, and put a robe on me. He led me back to the bedroom where I saw a tray sitting on the bed. The tray had another bouquet on it, this time of purple Hyacinths.

He playfully jumped on the bed, careful as to not disturb the tray, “Come on, come eat. Come onnnnn Urs~ Come and eat,” He called with a child-like tone in his voice. I walked over to the bed and sat beside him, then he picked up the tray and placed it in my lap.

“Good! Eat!”

Vivi came running over to my feet and jumped up, barking profusely. I opened the sliding doors I stood in front of and let him run out onto the balcony. The balcony overlooked a valley of nothing but forest. Apparently, the house was up in the mountains somewhere, I realized that the first time I went out on the balcony.

Two days after I awoke, Sehun allowed me to explore the house on my own. The house had to be at least twice the size of my own, and it looked as if it were designed by a professional. When I asked Sehun about it, he said that he bought the house as a getaway and brought in a professional design team. Apparently, he had this house for a bit of time before bringing me to it. How long exactly, though, I didn’t ask.

While exploring, I learned that the main level held the kitchen, dining room, living room, and two bedrooms. The dining room was almost completely surrounded by windows, giving you a nearly 360 view of the scenery. Then, the sliding glass doors in the living room led me out to one of the most breathtaking sights I had ever seen. The morning fog left it a little hazy outside, but the rising sun made the trees below look so serene. The sight made me forget about how I came here. It made me feel so… Peaceful.

“When I saw this sight, I knew you would love it.” I turned to see Sehun standing in the doorway, a smile on his face. He walked out and stood beside me, resting his forearms on the balcony railing.

“Me?” I questioned.

“Yes, you,” He playfully poked my cheek, “I bought this place with you in mind.”

I never realized how much he thought of me. I also never realized how close of an eye he kept on me.

Sehun had only told me about one room that I couldn’t go in, but my curiosity got the best of me. In that room, I found that he had his computer hidden in there. I discovered that Sehun had kept things he had written about me on his computer. I clicked on a folder with a heart on it and found tons of different documents. All written about me. Some were a couple of sentences, and others were an entire paragraph and then some.

I don’t think anyone could ever understand how I feel about her. When people used to talk about love, I always thought they were exaggerating. However, after meeting her, I’ve come to realize the truth their words held.

I think it’s her eyes. When she looked at me I couldn’t do anything but look back. I couldn’t even wave or anything. I’m completely starstruck by her.

I can’t help it that I get jealous. I’m not a jealous person, not in the least, but something about her makes me jealous. She’s just so amazing, she’s truly a gem and I know other men see that. I’m so afraid that they will take her away from me, or that she will realize that she can do so much better than me… I want to protect our love, with all that I can. I’m becoming a selfish person, I want to have her for myself. Only for me, no one should ever get the chance to love her like I do. I can love her the best, I know I can love her the best. I may not be the smartest, the most attractive, or even the funniest guy but I can give her the world if she asked.

She and Suho had lunch today. They’re just friends, I keep telling myself that, but there’s no way that Suho could possibly not have feelings for her. She’s just too amazing, he would be a fool to not have feelings for her. I know she wouldn’t play me like that, so I know she doesn’t feel anything for him, but that could change. Suho is smarter than I am, he has more money than I do, they seem to get along so well and their friendship came so naturally, whereas with me I was just awkward around her. Hell, I still feel awkward around her. She makes my heart beat so fast, I can’t help it. I’ve never had my heart react so aggressively about someone, it’s so hard to act like me sometimes. I hope she will accept me for me, though, awkwardness and all. Even if I’m not the best guy in the world.

Reading these documents also lead me to find out some very shocking pieces of information.

That guy, that stupid guy! He made her cry. How DARE he… I’m going to do something about him. I have to do something about him. He can’t get away with doing this to my love.

It’s done, he’s gone… I feel terrible for what I have done… No, that wasn’t me. It couldn’t have been me. I would never do that to someone, but… I don’t know, oh Sehun what have you done? What is this? Who is this? I… Who am I now?

It’s all his fault. Everything is his fault. If he hadn’t mistreated her, she could easily love me. He’s getting in the way of our love, he needs to be disposed of. For good. I’ll make sure he feels my wrath.

I hate the color red, I absolutely HATE the color red. That color makes me sick, after what happened I can never look at it again… I’ve sinned, I’ve sinned so badly… Can I ever be forgiven for this? No… I can’t… I’ll never be forgiven… Ursula, please forgive me. I had your best interest in mind, I did this for you… Please see that, please understand and forgive me for all I have done.

Suho… Suho, Suho, Suho… My best friend… Why. Why would you do this to me? To us? Why… I’m so sorry, my friend… Regrettably, I am. You are in the way as well, I have to get rid of you…

The thing he had written about Suho lead me to believe that he hurt Suho, even killed him. I didn’t want to read anymore, especially after seeing that there was no entry where he lamented over what he did to Suho like the other two. I closed his laptop down and attempted to hurry out of the room, but then I saw Sehun.

Standing in the doorway.

“Urs, beautiful, what are you doing in here? I asked you to please stay out of here, why did you come in?” He took a step towards me, causing me to back up.

“S-Sehun… You… I… Suho, did you do something to him?”

“Aish, Suho? He’s not here anymore, baby, let’s not talk about him. Please?” His face lacked all sincerity, paralyzing me with fear.

“B-But, he’s your best friend. How could you-” In a second, he was across the room and had me against the wall.

“He got in our way! He was going to ruin everything!” He slammed my head against the wall, a loud yelp exited my mouth. Sehun’s expression changed, worry flushed his face and he returned back to his normal self.

“Awh dammit, Urs! I’m so sorry, baby, please don’t pass out! Oh my God, why did I do this? I’m so sorry! Please,” He caught my body as I slid down the wall, “I’ll take care of you, I promise. I’m so sorry, I never meant to hurt you. What is wrong with me,” He wept as he held my body close to him. As my consciousness faded, I felt one of his tears land on my cheek.

Don’t cry, angel, it’ll all be okay soon.

It seemed as if Sehun didn’t have control over his anger, and it seemed like as time passed he struggled more and more with it.

Being stuck in this house started to get to me. I needed to get out, I needed to see my mom and Caspian, I needed to go to work, I couldn’t stand simply rotting in the house for much longer.

“Sehun… When can we go home?”

“What are you talking about, Urs? This is our home now.” He smiled, the cup in his hands met his lips and he took a sip. He sat the cup down on the table and giggled, “Silly girl.”

“Well, yes, but I want to see my mom and Caspian, and I want to go back to work. I miss the animals and my coworkers…”

“Am I not enough for you?” Despite everything he did up to this point, I still didn’t want to upset him. Rather that be because I loved him or because I didn’t know when he would snap next.

“No, honey, it’s not that. It’s just that being here all of the time is… Making me feel bad. I feel suffocated in here, I want to do something.” I chose my words carefully, but even doing that didn’t help.

“D-do you want to leave me? But… I’ve done everything for you!” I didn’t choose them carefully enough, “Do you know how much I’ve sacrificed for you? Do you?!” He stood up from his chair and slammed his hands on the table, “I killed my fucking best friend for you! Do you know how hard that was for me?!” As the words left his mouth, his anger disappeared and fear replaced it.

“N-no, Urs wait! I didn’t mean th-” I cut him off by running out of the room. I ran up the stairs and into the bedroom. I slammed the door shut, locked it, and pushed a piece of furniture in front of it.

“I killed my fucking best friend for you.”

That sentence pounded against my skull, worse than any migraine I had ever felt. I could feel my heartbeat quickening and I began to hyperventilate.

“Urs! Please, baby, open the door and let me explain!” His rapping on the door made the room start to spin. I backed away from the door, stumbling over a chair that sat near the end of the bed. I fell onto the floor, letting out my first cry in the time that I had been there.

“Baby, don’t cry! Please just let me in. I can explain everything, I’m so sorry! D-don’t hate me. I can’t handle when you’re unhappy with me…” He apparently started to cry as well, which triggered an involuntarily sarcastic snort.

“Funny talk… Coming from a killer…”

I should have known better than to make him angry. I should have known better than to try and escape.

The next morning, I cleared the doorway and peeked out. I noticed Sehun laying across the hall—asleep. He seemed to be completely passed out, so I took the opportunity to try and get out. I tiptoed down the stairs and into the room where I found his laptop. I looked around the room for his keys, finding them tossed in one of the drawers of the desk. I grabbed them and then attempted to leave. I went to the front door, then realizing that he had a padlock on the front door. I tried each of the keys on his keyring, none unlocking the lock.

I looked at my surroundings and then opted for the glass doors in the living room. I opened them and looked down at the distance from the balcony to the ground. The drop made me question if I would be safe jumping down, but my options were limited. I lifted myself up onto the railing, then tossed my legs over on the other side. I took a deep breath in and leaped off, landing harshly on the ground.

I wasted no time in hurrying to my feet and running towards the vehicle parked in the driveway. The doors were unlocked, so I easily had access to it. I shut the door and locked it, then attempted to start the car.

“Start! Damn you!” The car idled, refusing to start, “Start!”

“Fuck it!” I hopped out of the car and took off sprinting through the woods. I had no idea where I was going, all I knew is that I had to get the hell out of there before Sehun woke up and realized I had left.

I ran for what had to be an hour before I stopped to take a break. I took a seat on a fallen down tree, giving my mind time to slow down and process everything.

“Why me?” I couldn’t help but cry, my heart was in pain more than anything. No matter what happened, I still knew I loved Sehun. I couldn’t force myself to hate him, no matter if he kidnapped me and held me against my will. Despite his actions, I still knew the Sehun I loved was there. He was still… Him.

“What a mess I’ve put myself in. Hell, I’m even talking to myself.” I sighed, then rose to my feet and started walking again.

The sun had begun to set, and I was by far nowhere near a safe place to stop for the night. My feet were in excruciating pain, and my lungs were on fire. I stumbled, then fell to my knees in a puddle of mud.

“What’s the point? I’m going to die out here.” I crawled to what appeared to be a softer part of the ground and laid on my back. The sky washed in shades of orange, pink, yellow, and purple were my only companion then. At that moment, I decided to give up. I came to terms with dying, and even in my last moments, I thought of Sehun.

‘I am horribly, deeply in love with you, Sehun. No matter what you do, my heart refuses to stop loving you. I know you love me, I know that for a fact. We love each other, but our love isn’t strong enough to change the facts. Regardless, my heart won’t change. It’s a fool, and it loves you too much to let go. I’ll never be able to hate you, never. No matter how bad it is for me.’

I could see him, feel him, even smell him. I even swore I heard his voice.

“Ursula, I’m coming, baby. Hang on a bit longer.” No, wait, I do hear his voice.

“S-Sehun?” I was being pulled in two different directions. Part of me wanted to get up and run from him in fear of his response to me running away, but the other part of me wanted to run towards him in hopes that he would greet me with that same warm-hearted smile and would take me back somewhere that wasn’t where I currently laid.

In the end, I decided to do neither. I simply laid there like a rag doll, deciding that fate would decide what happened to me afterward.

“Baby, why did you run away? Don’t you love me?” He picked my body up, and I attempted to reach out and touch his face. “Of course you still love me, you only made a wrong decision. Too bad this wrong decision will have… Bad consequences.”

The sun had set by the time we made it back to the house. He took me into a different room and laid me on a bed.

“Look at this, you’re all dirty now. You also got me dirty. Hmm, I haven’t had time to shower since before I brought you here. I’ve been busy working on something just for you~” Now that he mentioned it, I did notice that he had yet to shower. I had counted a week, that we had been here a week. Only a week, or what I perceived to be a week.

I noticed that he still had blood on his face from whatever it was I hit him with, on top of the mud that now covered him. “I still need to finish what I’m working on, but I’ll be back shortly. Please, try to not make any more bad decisions.” As he shut the door, he hummed an unknown song to himself, “See you soon, my love.”

If only I had known that when I fell asleep, not long after that, the circumstances would be different when I woke up. That Sehun would be different.

If only I had known that trying to run would cost me the small bit of freedom I had.

“I can’t forgive you for trying to run away, I’ll make it so you can’t run away from me again.”

If only I had known that something inside Sehun would change and the following events would change both of our lives forever.

“I thought you loved me, but why do you keep doing this to me? I need to do something...”

I would have never imagined that the last thing I would hear before my death would be Ring of Fire by Johnny Cash.

“Love is a burning thing

And it makes a fiery ring.

Bound by wild desire

I fell into a ring of fire”

I struggled against the restraints that kept me tied down to the bed. I’ve been left like this for who knows how many days, just tied up like an animal. I couldn’t cry because I was dehydrated, and my throat was so dry that I couldn’t even speak. I was left in my underwear, but I felt as if I was burning from the inside out.

“I fell into a burning ring of fire,

I went down, down, down and the flames went higher

And it burns, burns, burns,

The ring of fire, the ring of fire.”

The sound of the wooden door creaking open sent my heart into a frenzy. I began struggling again, but it was no use. I didn’t have the strength to free myself. A hand brushed the hair out of my face, his voice shushing me. He caressed my face as if I was a porcelain doll that would break if he put too much pressure on.

“The taste of love is sweet

When hearts like ours meet.

I fell for you like a child,

Oh, but the fire went wild.”

“Why did you do this to me? I love you, you’re the love of my life. I’ve tried to give all of myself to you, but no matter what you just kept pushing me away. Why? I know you love me, I could see it in your eyes the first day I laid eyes on you. I saw you watching me out of that living room window. I knew you were watching, but I didn’t care. I’ve never felt so attracted to someone. Why do you keep pushing me away? I won’t hurt you if you would just let me in. It breaks my heart to see you put yourself into this situation. Is loving me that bad?”

“I fell into a burning ring of fire,

I went down, down, down and the flames went higher

And it burns, burns, burns,

The ring of fire, the ring of fire.”

The weight of his body came crashing down on top of mine. I felt his tears on my neck as he nuzzled his face into my neck, whimpering. “I just want you to love me back,” He cries. He placed a chaste kiss on my lips, his hands reaching up to hold my restrained hands. I attempted to fight back when he first tried to take me, and I managed to hit him across the face with a random object I grabbed off of my bedside table. The taste of blood was evidence that he still hadn’t dressed his wounds from the incident.

“I fell into a burning ring of fire,

I went down, down, down and the flames went higher

And it burns, burns, burns,

The ring of fire, the ring of fire.”

I felt the blindfold around my eyes being untied and removed, revealing that I was in the room we shared. There were candles lit and scattered around the room, leaving an eerie feel to the room. My eyes focused back to his body that was now straddling my waist. His face was covered in cuts and blood from where I attacked him previously, he looked as if he hadn’t showered since he tied me up in here.

This was not the face of the man I met on that first day. This was not the face of the man I had seen scarred with distress and fear. This was not the face of the man that knocked on my door at two in the morning and cried himself to sleep in my arms that night. This was not the face that gave me such a gentle and heartwarming smile so many mornings prior. This was not the face of the man that I let in.

This was the face of the man that stalked me for weeks. This was the face of the man that manipulated me and gained my trust. This was the face of the man that broke into my house, abducted me, and tied me to his bed. This was the face of the man that developed a deep obsession over a simple crush. This was the face of the man that lead me to believe he was a helpless boy in love when he was anything but. This was the face of the horrendous being that I let get too close. This was the face of a monster.

“Tell me you love me!” He demands.

“And it burns, burns, burns”

He wrapped his hands around my neck, lightly squeezing. He crashes his lips against mine again, “Say it!”

No.

“The ring of fire, the ring of fire”

He squeezed tighter, cutting off my air supply with his bloodied and calloused hands.

“Stop making me hurt you! Just tell me you love me!”

NO!

My vision started fading, my already weak body was losing the rest of its strength. As I slipped more and more away, I caught a glimpse of his eyes. A lone tear rolled down his cheek and onto my bare chest.

“If I can’t have you, no one will!”

This is the end.

“The ring of fire, the ring of fire”

I do love you, Sehun, but I can’t tell you that I do. Not after this.

And then something happened...

“I’m so sorry, Urs. Please, wake up!”

Author’s Note: Are you guys ready for the last part? 😏

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kingdomofthelogos · 4 years ago

Text

A Time for Courage

Our nation needs restoration and revival, and these require courage. We cannot truly declare the Gospel of Christ Jesus while simultaneously being in lockstep with the world, using the same eyes to see the world, the same language to discuss the world, and possessing the same interests of where to invest our energy as the world. We must be like Nehemiah and courageously say “no" to unGodly things in our world.

Courage is not merely one of the cardinal virtues, for courage is altogether unique in its relationship to virtue. Rather than being a virtue, courage is the willingness to test virtue. Truly, courage is one’s willingness to test the holy teachings of God, it is a willingness to step out into a hostile world in order to declare the holy and true principles of God while firmly rejecting the beliefs, arguments, and even language of the world. If the world can get you to use its language, it can get you to see with its eyes and cut you off from God's virtues. Courage is a willingness to stake your life, and, as Nehemiah shows us, even the lives of your family and neighbors, on the holy principles of God in opposition to the various matters to which the world demands we bow.

Courage was found when Jochebed ignored the laws of Pharaoh and trusted Moses’s life to God as she placed him in a basket and lowered him into the river. Courage was found when David stepped to Goliath, that monstrous Philistine who had taunted the Israelites by cursing their God and demanding a worthy man be set before him in battle. David stepped to him, Goliath despised his very being, and said to him in 1 Samuel 17:43-44, “Am I a dog, that you come at me with sticks?” Then the Philistine cursed David by his idolatrous gods, and continued by saying, “Come here, and I’ll give your flesh to the birds and the wild animals!” Yet, David responded in courageous faith, that is, a willingness to risk his life on the holy principle of his God, and said in verses 45-46 “You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. This day the Lord will deliver you into my hands, and I’ll strike you down and cut off your head.”

Nehemiah had the courage to leave behind the life of a cupbearer and do something no one else even had eyes to consider. He cast a vision for his people, risking all of their lives. Nehemiah’s courage stirred up a deep hatred from all of the worldly nations surrounding the People of God. The courage of Nehemiah and his workers awakened a visceral hatred that grew stronger at the restoration of every stone. One of the ways you know you are with God is when all of those who espouse evil doctrines hate you. Let us not be confused, the more you show true courage to live by the eternal principles of God, the more the forces of the world will hate and despise you. The doctrines of evil are to accuse, slander, and instill confusion among your ranks as to keep you from sound footing.

Courage is essential to revival, for without courage we cannot live by faith and the church cannot be the church. If we consider the day of Pentecost, the church could not be the church, if they had not been transformed as a people once the Holy Spirit fell on them. The people were so moved by the Holy Spirit that they bound themselves together by the apostles’ teaching, the breaking of bread, and to the prayers. They voluntarily held their lives together in common, and tested the principles of Christlike forgiveness and mercy in their world. They were hated for this, and cast out of popular society. Yet, the Lord was adding to their numbers day by day. Had people acted the same after receiving the Holy Spirit, then there would be a fundamental contradiction, a breakdown in the laws of reality. Either that, or the Holy Spirit would be proven to have no power. For one cannot be transformed by the Holy Spirit and also live according to the world.

Heaven would not be Heaven, if its throne was not surrounded by bolts of lightning and peals of thunder. As we look to Revelation 4, we must understand that the great Throne of Heaven demands the power of lightning, the indescribable beauty, and the constant declaration that God is holy simply because He is. If God’s Kingdom did not demand perfection then it would be indistinguishable from fallen creation. Therefore, we should be filled with joy that we are not required to perfect ourselves but are perfected by Christ who calls us to courageously test The Way of Life on this earth. God came to us, stepping down from that magnificent throne, but nonetheless carrying its power, to call us to courage. God came to us saying, “fear not that which can touch the body, but the One who can destroy both body and soul in hell.” Even if people hate us and kill us, we can have assurance that the same power that sends booming peals of thunder across Heaven will give us new life in the Kingdom of eternal truth.

The tools of revival are not of this material world. The machines for rebuilding Jerusalem in 52 days were not purchased by Persia, but came from within the hearts of the laborers. The machines that moved earth and stone were not elaborate contraptions exerting great mechanical advantage, but were the multitude of hands belonging to workers who set their eyes on the principles of God. Yet, we must remember that their numbers did not start off strong, and it was a lone cupbearer that opened their eyes to the holiness of their God. This is revival. It starts with individuals who see with eyes for God's truth and they spread the fire to others around them.

Nehemiah cannot have revival without courage. He must test the holy virtues of God, not against God, but against the world around him. This means His eyes are set on the virtues of God and he is not highly concerned with what people say about him. By the time we get to Nehemiah chapter 5, we find that there is a problem. Nehemiah’s revival is not only challenged from forces without, but also from forces within. It is here that we should read Nehemiah 5.

Nehemiah would not have revival if the society he built was filled with dishonesty between his people. It is fascinating that Nehemiah is only appointed Governor after he has successfully transformed Jerusalem inside and outside. Not only has he made an outward declaration of what He stands against, but has also made an internal declaration of how the People of God should live. Nehemiah’s revival is built on principles, and when he finds out that people are mistreating one another he tells them in verse 9, “what you are doing is not right!” He does not give them a technical or legal argument, but a moral argument.

This text reminds us that people are not sanctified by being oppressed, and this is a harsh truth our modern world wants to ignore. People who are made victims in this life will easily turn and make victims of others. Just because someone has suffered something great, does not mean they will treat others righteously. All of the People of God had lived in shame and desolation, and yet many of them were viciously mistreating their neighbors.

For the final portion of this message I want us to contrast two things: courage and moral confusion. Courage and moral confusion are utter opposites, and Nehemiah’s memoir exemplifies this. If we remember Chapter 4, Sanballat and Tobiah had conspired to defeat Nehemiah and his workers by sowing confusion in their midst. When people are morally confused, they will fall. People who are morally confused will not be willing to be courageous and test virtue in the world around them simply because they do not know what is actually virtuous and what is counterfeit. When people are morally confused, they are easy to be conquered and consumed by evil. One can only apply the virtues of God in their life if they are focused on them.

Division that comes from within is one of the most destructive forces that can afflict a people; yet, unity for unity’s sake is a fake virtue that is insufficient to hold a people together. Only through a common vision of the common good can people hold together in a singular pursuit of righteousness. In Nehemiah 5 there is moral confusion among the people. They are being wicked in the way they treat one another without any accountability. This moral confusion must be dealt with if people are to truly experience revival.

Nehemiah is building a noble people, and that requires the transformation of every life found in Jerusalem. Nehemiah demands an oath on God’s principles, and realizes that in order for Jerusalem to truly be a society where none live in shame, then they must treat one another righteously. This is necessary for Jerusalem to truly reflect God’s love as His chosen city.

In our modern day and age, the forces of evil try to keep us from courage by sowing moral confusion. Our nation has been damaged by ignoring the fact that all are sinners in need of transformation, and that forgiveness is a gift from God that brings peace. Depression, despair and suicide are rising for a reason. Affirming people in their natural desires does not actually bring meaning in life. This idolatrous spirit wants young people to stay put in their natural desires, so that they will never be stirred to courageously stand against the world. People are easy to be manipulated and misled when they are morally confused.

We live in an era of great moral confusion, and evil is emboldened when people do not believe in absolute truth and absolute morality. The forces of destruction hate restoration and love moral confusion. Our modern age likes to accuse people based on their skin color, without permitting forgiveness or truth. People are told they must look at one another in groups, rather than as individuals. The possessive spirit obscures personal guilt with an unfalsifiable collective guilt, and everything always goes in one direction: towards chaos. Those who pursue excellence and seek to rise above their own sin are slandered and muzzled while those who want to be idle, destroy, or bear false witness are encouraged to advance their depravity. Tools like political correctness and mob rule are used to silence truth, and ensure that the public sphere is free of God.

The idolatrous god of this age ensures that there is no accountability for the wicked, but perpetual slander against the righteous. Perhaps the most terrible of all is the moral confusion injected into our young people. Fake virtues of equality, tolerance, and inclusion have conquered modern discourse and removed the courageous pursuit of virtue from our youth. The idolatrous god of this age knows that the only thing that can defeat it is the Gospel of Christ Jesus, thus it has trained people to reject virtue and live meaningless lives where they are never challenged to pursue holiness.

Our entire culture is possessed by moral confusion and corrupt ideas, and it is going to take great courage to stand against it. There will be many who hate us, but be assured in the power of Heaven’s Throne. Nehemiah would have failed in his mission had he cared too much about what Sanballat or Tobiah said. Yet, he would have also failed had he cared too little about the sin that had crept into his own house. Nehemiah was willing to hold people accountable, but then move on and thrive as the People of God.

In our modern age there are many who have been infected by the destructive ideas that possess our culture. If people are willing to repent, then we must be willing to forgive them and welcome them into our ranks. Revival begins locally when we are willing to courageously test the virtues of God against the world.

#Christian #Pastor #Church of the Nazarene #Faith #Holiness #Bible Study #Sermon #Nehemiah #Courage #Justice

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goodlucktai · 7 years ago

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Are you taking any prompts? If so, what about a situation where touko finds out about Natsume seeing youkai, and convinces him that everything is alright? I need that kind if sweetness right now haha although I'll probably be crying by the end XD If you're not taking prompts or if you don't want to do this, it's perfectly fine :> Thanks for your time :)

i had several prompts like this one ! i sort of let it get away from me, i hope its okay :’)

The next time Touko sees Sana-chan, she’s armed to the teeth with photos.

Shigeru got that old camera of his working after all, and the album Touko passes across the table to Sana-chan is full of candids - Takashi on the porch playing with Nyankichi, Takashi’s friends sprawled across his bedroom floor the morning after a big sleepover, Takashi laughing with Shigeru over a sink of sudsy dinner dishes.

Sana-chan flips through the pictures with all the enthusiasm Touko could have hoped for, a smile filling her round face as she gushes “what a handsome boy!” and “your house must be so lively these days!” and “I can’t wait to meet him!”

And Touko is warmed all the way home, resolving to ask Shigeru and Takashi what they would think of having Sana-chan and her family over for dinner in the near future.

As if summoned by the thought, Takashi’s voice drifts through the autumn air towards her from the riverbank. Curiously, Touko steps off the road into the grass to follow it to the source - Takashi did say a friend was visiting from the mountain, but surely he knows his friend would be welcome at the house - and steps to the edge of the sloping embankment, peering down.

She spots him right away, smiling a little at the way he sticks out against the dull color of the river, with his fair hair and pastel pink jacket. Takashi is sitting with two of his friends, the three of them grouped around the edge of a strange circle drawn in the damp clay, and they’re pink with laughter and bright-eyed in the warm afternoon, and talking to -

a little green person. With a beak, and tortoise-like carapace, and webbed hands, and a wet plate atop its head amidst a mop of tangled, seaweed-green curls. It hands Takashi a flapping fish and says, “I caught this for you, boss!”

“Thank you,” Takashi says dryly, and tosses the fish back into the water without ado.

Oh, Touko thinks, hands flying to her mouth in surprise. And the first thing she thinks of, impossibly, is the crow.

“I’ve never seen a white one before,” Takashi said that day, guileless and unguarded as he smiled into the sky at a creature Touko couldn’t seem to find. “It’s beautiful.”

“I can’t believe it!” Tooru says brightly, jolting Touko out of her shock. The girl is clapping her hands together in delight, moving to her knees and bowing politely in greeting. “I’ve always wanted to meet a kappa!”

The creature hurries to follow suit, bowing low to Tooru in return. Touko watches, eyes wide, as Takashi says, “No don’t - ” and the water spills from the plate on the kappa’s head into the earthy clay underfoot.

The creature flails, making a piteous noise, and then it seems to be trapped in place, small torso curved over the ground, quivering. Takashi gets up with a long-suffering sigh.

“Some of the myth is true, but not all of it,” he explains, as though he’s explaining particularly complicated schoolwork. He cups his hands in the river, and carries cool water back with him. His friends watch avidly as Takashi wets the kappa’s headplate again, and delight when the little thing springs back up to its feet.

“He won’t attack you,” Takashi goes on calmly, “he’s a little sillier than his cousins. His arms aren’t particularly weak, either, but he’s not very good at wrestling, and as far as I can tell he doesn’t care much for cucumbers. And he tends to stray too far from his river. If you ever see me dumping water out on the ground for no apparent reason - ”

“We have,” Kaname says with a smile he doesn’t bother trying to hide. “We just didn’t ask.”

Takashi blinks, and something soft and uncertain graces the delicate features of his face. He rubs a hand through his hair and says, “You can ask. From now on, I mean.”

The spirit between them steps out of the circle toward the water’s edge and disappears from view with a mighty splash - Touko’s hands are still hovering over her mouth, and she manages to muffle the startled noise that threatens to give her away.

Takashi flicks water out of his eyes with a scowl, and his friends laugh - and oh, but they’re not surprised in the least by all this, and Tooru even has something of a little picnic set up at her side. Touko can hear her murmuring “I feel so silly for bringing all this squash, now. I read so much about kappa last night, I was sure he’d like it.”

And Touko can’t help but think of Takashi as the boy she first met, not so long ago - all alone in the middle of a cold night. How thin and pale and colorless he was then, lifting glass eyes to meet hers and looking straight through her at something else.

He is always looking straight through at something else. Whether it’s crows, or kappa, or something less lovely, something less harmless, Takashi has probably been able to see them since he was very, very young. And while it doesn’t excuse the people who mistreated him, doesn’t forgive them in the slightest, Touko can suddenly understand, just a little bit, why her sweet, gentle, giving boy had such a hard time growing up - was never quite wanted, never quite normal.

And her heart aches, watching how easily Takashi can talk about the river spirit (one that is clambering back into the muddy circle with an armful of fish) and how hard it is for Takashi to switch gears and talk to his friends about trusting them.

It is always so hard for him. Touko is making her way down the grassy slope even before the kappa points towards her and says, “Boss? Who’s that?”

And while Tooru and Kaname spring to their feet as if electrified - both of them moving, to hide the kappa from view and scuff out the strange circle respectively - Takashi looks frozen in place. His hands are limp where they were resting on his folded knees, face so pale he might have been sculpted out of snow.

He looks like someone watching their world end.

Well. Touko may be very new at this - may not have the experience Atsushi’s mother has at righting wrongs and mending impossible hurts - and she’s certain they don’t make parenting books for a child’s dealings with yokai - but now isn’t the time to worry.

Now is the time to kneel next to her son, tucking her skirt in neatly, neverminding all the mud - to ignore the way his frightened expression digs sharp fingers into her heart, and reach out to him with a gentle hand.

Takashi flinches, and it hurts her, but it’s a selfish hurt and one she buries quickly. The short time he’s been with her won’t be enough to unlearn the lessons he’s been taught up until now, and she can’t afford to forget that. She doesn’t let herself falter, and only continues until her fingers are cradling the soft curve of his cheek, and Touko waits patiently for Takashi to find the courage to look at her.

Kaname and Tooru are holding their breath. After one long minute passes into two, Takashi lifts his eyes.

He’s transparent to her now, the way he didn’t used to be. Guileless and unguarded, the way he was when he saw something beautiful in their backyard. And if this secret world of his can give him beautiful things as much as it takes away from him, then Touko can find it in herself to make peace with it.

Touko looks over, and finds the kappa peering over Kaname’s shoulder - its webbed hands pressed into the back of his shoulder, leaning up on the tips of its feet to peer at Touko. The creature’s eyes are wide and curious, very much like the eyes of the children kappa are said to eat. Touko can’t find it in herself to fear the little thing, and looks back at Takashi with that knowledge clear in her smile.

“And I thought you told me you’ve introduced me to all of your friends,” she scolds lightly, teasing him. “After Kei and Katsumi, I was sure I had met everyone. You really are such a popular boy.”

Kaname and Tooru let out shaky breaths, and beam at one another, and then at Touko. Takashi looks as though he’s forgotten how to speak, and so Touko leans back and takes her hand away.

“Actually, I have a question!” When she tilts her head towards the kappa, it points at itself, as if to make sure it’s the one she’s addressing. It makes Touko smile. “Yes, you. You know, I used to hate ginger when I was a child, but my father could always convince me to eat it by telling me it would ward kappa away. Is that true?”

The kappa considers that seriously for a moment, then says, “It’s true. I hate ginger.”

“I wonder if you’re the best kappa to ask,” Kaname puts in dryly, “since we found out you’re not good at wrestling, don’t so much as pretend to keep to your river, and have never tried to drown a single human.”

The kappa squawks, as if in offense. With its handfuls of wriggling fish, the sight is both cute and comical. Touko feels herself warming to the odd creature, with its human mannerisms and the way it seems more comfortable with this group of mortal youngsters than its own kind.

Tooru draws its attention to her picnic basket, and Kaname follows them to it - both children well-versed in the art of subtlety, giving Touko room to sit quietly with Takashi in an unobtrusive, and undemanding silence.

“There are more like it, aren’t there?” Touko says after a moment. “More spirits like this one?”

Takashi’s head jerks in a nod. Touko hums.

“And they’re not all kind to you, are they?”

“Not - ” He swallows, and tries again. “Not all of them. They’re the same way people are. Different personalities and experiences. It’s not - I can’t lump them together. They’re not kind or unkind, they’re just alive, in a different way than we are.” His eyes dart to Touko, but only for a second, and then he’s back to staring at his hands. “I know it’s - I know it’s strange. I know it’s a lot. I’m sorry.”

“Oh, Takashi,” Touko says, aching for him. “All those times you came home with dirty clothes, how easily you seem to get hurt. This is your home now, and I want it to be safe for you. Is there anything I can do? Should we get talismans for the house? Oh, but then your friendly spirits couldn’t see you, could they?” She presses a hand to the side of her face, truly feeling out of her depth. “Oh, I should ask Shigeru-san. He’ll know what to do about all of this, he’s much more level-headed than I am. Don’t worry though, Takashi,” Touko adds, trying to sound sure of herself. “Whatever you need, you’ll have it.”

Takashi finally gives up the careful study of his hands, and stares at her fully. His eyes are moonlike beneath his long, untidy fringe as he whispers, “Are you even real?”

And Touko wraps up the pain in her chest and ties a fierce knot around it, to unpack and shed tears over later, when she can afford to grieve for all the things Takashi can’t seem to bring himself to trust.

For now, she gives her son a smile.

“You believe in such impossible things,” she tells him, full of fondness and faint anger and sorrow and love. “Surely you can believe in this, too.”

Takashi ducks his head, and when he moves he’s moving closer instead of farther away; leaning into her side with all the weight of a warm, shuddering shadow. If he’s crying, he’s utterly silent about it. Touko rests her cheek in the softness of his hair and watches the odd and peaceful picture Tooru and Kaname and the yokai make, digging through a picnic basket and sharing treats with one another from within the far side of the circle.

“You know, the timing of this is uncanny,” Touko says playfully, aiming to lighten the mood just a little. “I was going to ask you if you wanted to meet a friend of mine from middle school. I showed her my photo album today during our lunch date, and she wants to get to know you! Her name is Sana-chan, and she has a boy about your age. Unfortunately, it probably won’t be quite as exciting as meeting a kappa, but I think it will be still be plenty of fun.”

“Of course, if it’s no trouble, I’d like to meet her, too,” Takashi says immediately, as eager to please as always. And then, after a moment’s pause, he goes on, “Wait. You showed her the photo album? Touko-san, most of those pictures are of me. You didn’t let her see the one of Nishimura kissing me, did you? Touko-san?”

Touko presses a hand to her mouth to hide her smile and admits, “That one was Sana-chan’s favorite.”

Takashi lifts his head to gape at her, every inch an aggrieved, embarrassed teenager where a wounded, world-weary creature was hunkered moments ago. “Touko-san! It’s bad enough that Kitamoto sent it to everyone we know - ”

“What’s a photo album?” the kappa asks, its hands full of crumbling croquettes it seems to have traded its fish for. Tooru looks up with a wicked gleam in her eyes, and Kaname seems to be the only one willing to commiserate with poor Takashi, shooting him a sympathetic look as Takashi watches in horror Touko haul the album out of her bag cheerfully.

“You’re carrying it around with you?”

“Come over here and see, Kappa-san,” Touko says, and even moves forward to the edge of the circle so the little green creature can sit beside her and lean in to stare at the glossy pages that lay open in her lap. “Isn’t my Takashi handsome? Look at how photogenic he is.”

“Ooh,” Tooru says eagerly, peering from Touko’s other side, “are some of these new?”

“What’s photogenic?” the kappa asks, and Takashi buries his face in Kaname’s shoulder.

But he seems to give into laughter after a moment, his shoulders shaking. It's a soft sound that grows louder, until Takashi is tipping his head back and falling into it, and Touko wishes she had the camera with her.

#natsume yuujinchou #natsuyuu #fujiwara touko #natsume takashi #the kappa #shibata gets a mention because of course he does #but kei is my oc (sorry)#he's the adachi i name-drop a lot (sorry)#prompt #anonymous #my writing #natsuyuu fic

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divagonzo · 4 years ago

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Nonnie,

I’ll chime in too.

Canon Hermione, at that age, still has very sharp edges when it comes to people who were cruel to her. It also goes against who she is, in the books, where she is willing to forgive so easily.

In 7 years, Hermione never once tells Ron she’s sorry for anything she does.

In 7 years, Hermione tells Harry once she’s sorry (and that was for breaking his wand. Once. Seven years.)

Why do you think that she would take someone else’s “apologies” as verbatim and go so far as to have a romance with someone who was continually cruel to her, who wished her demise more than once.

While a legitimate redemption arc would make sense in your scenario, most of those people who are so privileged will not put in the amount of work to realize how much they are messed up and the work to remedy things. I know quite a few like whom you describe - and only 1 put in the work - and even then the rebuilt relationship was tenuous at best, caustic at worst - and that wasn’t romantic in basis.

But then it becomes an issue of “Hermione guides Draco to be a better person.”

That right there makes it a salvation arc, not a redemption arc. If Draco wants to be a better person, he needs to make the choice to make better choices, to be a better man - regardless of anyone else in his life. To make it where a woman is the reason he becomes a better man is toxic, in that it plays into the toxic patriarchy ideal of “arsehole to everyone else except his paramour” which in reality is “eventually he’ll be an arsehole to you, too - just a matter of time.”

But it also plays into the victim blaming of “she’s obligated to forgive him and teach him to be better” instead of “man realizes he’s a dick and wants to change, regardless of women in his life.”

Draco could change for the better - I firmly believe in everyone having their chance to make their own redemption arc - but what you’re describing - and glossing over his own redemption arc - is a salvation arc - where he only chooses to be a better man just so he can have a woman as a trophy, as a prize.

It woobifies his character, discounting his biases and bigotry because he’s posh. It excuses his bad behavior because he might be perceived as good looking - or rich.

Quora has hundreds, if not thousands, of anecdotes, of women who were snared into such relationships - and are destroyed by such toxicity. They are degraded and dehumanized for the narc’s benefit - and it’s never enough.

Women have their own agency, and insisting that they forgive men who treated them like dragon shite and forgive their abusers and make them better... is pure fantasy and is harmful, long-term, especially for those who see Draco with all of Ron’s positive traits but none of Draco’s flaws - all because he’s posh and rich and (at least from the movies) Good looking.

I dunno if you’ve ever had someone abuse your trust, mistreat you, and then think they are entitled to your affections but those kinds of saints rarely exist. Since I am ancient and have been married a very, very long time - having a partner who isn’t cruel, who isn’t a coward, who will stand up for you and not stand aside when you are hurting - those are traits that are worth appreciating. Being rich but a coward isn’t.

What it does exhibit is someone who is broken emotionally and returns to the one who abused them - trusting (cough gaslighting cough) that they won’t be abused again.

Sad fact is that narcissist abusers usually continue until serious consequences happen. Most of the time, it doesn’t happen - only devaluing their supply and then jumping to another supply at hand. They don’t value anyone ‘cept themselves - and certainly not a romantic partner they can replace at the drop of a gnut.

Frankly, I’d only believe it if I saw 400K worth of words seeing how he put in the work ahead of your storyline. Otherwise it comes across as... just like any other salvation story to benefit the posh white guy.

Someone told me that Dramione can be realistic without bashing Ron. Sorry if you bear with this BS. Hermione would meet Draco one day and he repents while being ashamed of his past. Hermione guides Draco to be a better person and they grew closer. Meanwhile, Hermione and Ron call off their pre-planned wedding because they decide they work better as friends. Hermione and Draco fall in love and have a daughter named Rosalina Malfoy. The End. Whadaya think?? Is it realistic??

Not really realistic, since -even if Hermione and Ron did decide they would better as friends- M*lfoy still doesn’t have personality qualities that she finds attractive. Not to mention the fact that M*lfoy literally wished death upon her repeatedly. As someone who was bullied as a adolescent, that’s not something you can just forget.

Thanks for trying, anon, but this ship still doesn’t seem very realistic to me.

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goffilolo · 7 years ago

Text

Demise of Midoriya Izuku (part 4)

I will be leaving for a holiday in a couple of days, so there will be no posts for about 2 weeks. But I hope that you like what I’ve made so far. the fic can also be found on ao3: http://archiveofourown.org/works/11557743/chapters/26605557

“-we used to be really good friends when we were little, always playing together, pretending to be heroes, admiring All Might, we were practically inseparable.” Izuku smiled fondly upon recalling some of his only pleasant memories that were brought to him by the very person who later became his tormentor. “Kacchan always stood out from other kids, always the smartest, the loudest, the most confident. The teachers always praised him, the kids always admired him, myself included. Kacchan was just so amazing at everything, and as a kid I looked up to him. He was the leader and I followed after him, that’s kinda how our friendship worked, it wasn’t perfect, but it was the happiest time of my life.”

Izuku was currently sitting in Shin’s office and spilling his sorry excuse of a backstory to him, because you know, it’s their third session, so he might as well get a bit personal.

“So when Kacchan’s quirk manifested, but mine didn’t...things went downhill so to say. And now I’m here” he said, voice full of remorse as he gestured to himself and then to Shin.

For the most part, the doctor’s face remained neutral, not giving away a hint of his thoughts. Perhaps the lack of visible reaction or judgement is what allowed Izuku to open up so easily, or perhaps it might be Shin’s quirk, he still hasn’t figured out what it is and made it his little goal to try and find out the mystery that is Shin’s quirk. As much as it was Shin’s job to observe Izuku during their sessions and uncover what lies deep inside his mind, Izuku was quite an observer himself if his we’re-not-talking-about-it notebooks are anything to go by. Being analysed by the psychiatrist always left him feeling vulnerable, so in his mind he concluded that observing and analyzing Shin would give him a bit of an advantage behind the closed doors of the doctor’s office and make him feel a bit stronger, after all knowledge is power as they say.

So far Izuku hasn’t observed much given the doctor’s ‘god tier’ poker face. However every now and then when talking about the mistreatment he received due to his quirklessness, Shin’s face becomes overshadowed by his distaste for a couple of seconds before rewinding back to the masquerade of professionalism. One could say that it’s a sign of his sympathetic nature, however his emotional display wasn’t aimed at Izuku, that much is clear. If anything, it was a slip, meaning that whatever Izuku said must’ve struck a chord within Shin enough to make him show emotion within the sterile, professional environment. Izuku is not sure what that means yet, but he’ll find out soon enough.

Finally, after remaining silent for most of the session Shin looks up from his clipboard, locking his eyes with Izuku, looking ready to throw some smart sounding Freudian analogy, Izuku thinks, except it wasn’t that...

“From what I see your early childhood was probably the best time of your life, understandably so, but what that means is you’re desperately holding onto the things from the past. You’ve been holding onto a sliver of hope that things could go back to the way they were before with this Kacchan, which contributed to the abuse on his part. I see this often in victims of abuse; the cycle of forgiving and putting up with the tormentor’s behaviour, except it doesn’t do any good. That old label of a ‘childhood friend’ is what stops you from accepting the way things are. You have to understand that while it is true that Kacchan was a good friend and you’ve made many good memories, that is no longer the case, people can change, often for worse, and you don’t have to hold onto the people who hurt you.”

...it hit much closer than Izuku would’ve liked.

“Wow, what an impressive word vomit” he said, because right now he felt like his insides were exposed, and sarcasm seemed like a good deflection from the metaphorical guts spilling out of his mind.

“Izuku, take this seriously for once”

“iZUku, tAkE ThIS SeRIoUsLy FoR oNcE”

Shin does not look impressed.

“Oooh someone’s in trouble, that’s me, I’m in trouble. I don’t know why I said that.”

At that Shin stands up, clearly out of patience. Izuku wonders if he always runs out of patience this quickly or if it’s just with Izuku.

“You know what?! I was hoping you could cooperate with me and that I could help you like a good psychiatrist I’m trying to be, I really was! But if all you contribute to our sessions are snarky comments I guess I should drop the professional approach or I’ll never get to you!!!”

“Oh, you do get to me, quite a bit actually, hence the snarky comments, defence mechanism and all that.”

“Alright then, let me be brutally honest with you! You admire Kacchan for whatever fucking reason, he might have some admirable qualities, that’s fine, BUT!-” at this point Shin is standing over Izuku, in an agressive ‘I care about you’ manner. “-that does not excuse his behaviour! He hurt you, he humiliated you! And I’m sorry that he did all of this to you, but you have to face your repressed rage that should’ve been directed at him all this time! Admiration and hatred are not mutually exclusive states, so repeat after me! KACCHAN IS A PIECE OF SHIT!” he chanted with fists raised in the air.

“Kacchan is a piece of shit.”

“Louder, I can’t hear you!”

“KACCHAN IS A PIECE OF SHIT!”

“GOOD!”

And so Izuku and his psychiatrist ended up chanting ‘Kacchan is a peice of shit’ back and forth for about ten minutes or so before a nurse came in, clearly concerned about all the shouting, which left the two in a rather awkward silence afterwards. The continued to stare at the door even after the nurse has left.

“So…” Izuku started, trying to slowly break the painful silence.

“That wasn’t very professional of me, sorry about that.” Shin suddenly bursted out, clearly embarrassed by his own earlier behaviour.

“Don’t apologise, it was the greatest thing that has happened to me since being admitted to this nuthouse.” replied Izuku with a small, but genuine smile that marred his face.

“Still, such outbursts on my part are unbecoming of a doctor. I have dealt with more difficult patients than you in the past and still managed.” said the doctor, quickly reverting back to his professionals stance.

“That means I’m special.”

“Don’t get cocky, Izuku.”

“Thank you”

Turning around, Shin looked at his patient, face of a poster child for confusion.

“Really, thank you. That’s exactly what I needed, to get all of this shouted into my head, since I never allowed myself to say or think those things, so I’d rather have you be as unprofessional as possible if it can help me.”

“Sure, but don’t tell anyone, or I might just lose my licence” replied Shin, chuckling to himself.

Their session unfortunately came to an end. Shin had to attend other patients and Izuku had...not much to do to be honest. He was hoping to maybe catch Mrs. Todoroki and have another chat with her, since he has found the woman’s company to be quite pleasant. His wish came true when upon being wheeled out of the office he spotted the white haired woman sitting in a chair next to the office.

“Mrs. Todoroki! I didn’t know you were seeing Shin after me.”

“Oh no, I already saw him today. I was actually hoping to whisk you away for a little chat, unless you have something better to do.”

“You know I don’t” said Izuku.

“So...who is this Kacchan and why is he a piece of shit?”

Well shit.

#bnha #demise of midoriya izuku #fanfic #demise!au #midoriya izuku

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