#but considering my mental health is... a mess

[mimipuppet]

Tftgs Volume 4 thoughts and rambling

Finally, I finished volume 4. Instead of finishing it in one day like the other volumes, I had to put it off due to some things which kind of sucked cause i love binge reading but whatever.

First off all to begin with, I personally believe this volume is the best in terms of characterization. It’s the first time the author uses other character’s povs even if it’s jack experiencing their memories. It gave us more insight into Rosa and Jerry, two of my favourite characters, and it made me like kieffer more as a character especially with the portrayal of him being a naive child and Spencer as a sort of father figure to him.

My favourite has to be Jerry’s, I loved how the reveal of him being the prophet and disbelief at the cult’s mass suicide ties in to how he was a mess at first in volume 1, crying so much. It makes more sense on why he was like that because it wasn’t just the fact he considered them his family, but also the fact he was the one who started all of this and had believed that everyone wasn’t that serious about only to be faced the fact that yeah they did, and now they’re all dead. The alienation from his family, from his friends after that never have I ever game, and the repetition of “why can’t you be normal” was lovely, it really did humanize him a lot similar to the parts in volume 2 about Vanessa and the Russian radio which were some of my favourite parts about Jerry in the books.

Rosa’s pov was amazing, a close second to Jerry’s. Her being the reason why her uncle couldn’t do anything anymore, the implications of her relationships with her family and how it changed after the incidents. It’s obvious that Rosa’s mom loves her, but with the information that her grandmother was always mean to her and her uncle’s warning to Jack about her, there’s a subtle distance between Rosa and the extended family members other than her parents and brothers because of their superstitious belief and religion that contrasts Rosa’s more logical way of thinking like her being annoyed being brought to a church instead of a doctor.

I feel with this information, the dynamic between Jack, Rosa, and Jeremy just becomes even better. They already bounce off of each other well and are pretty enjoyable to read whether it’s a comedic or serious moment. All three were alienated from others in a way, always felt different from others and kind of held that belief (Rosa and Jack both being closed off to others, with Jerry it’s more so his father’s question lingering in his mind, always at the scene of the crime when something happens) yet they found each other who accept the strangeness and didn’t really care for their “freakish” traits unless it’s something that affects their mental or physical health. They’re all ride or dies, and now they’re off traveling in a van like an off-brand scooby doo.

Second, Jack and Sabine’s relationship, I loved the small flashback in volume 3 albeit it was short and said i hoped volume 4 has more of them AND IT DID.

Jack and Sabine were amazing together, Sabine’s bluntness and playfulness paired with Jack’s awkwardness and personality was enjoyable to read. They clearly love each other yet it wasn’t perfect. Sabine herself admits that it may have never worked out and I think that’s the beauty of it? Like even if Sabine lived and they broke up, it’s the fact that it happened what matters since they are so important to each other and their relationship is something that develops them, I imagine they’d still be friends after the break up too if it did happen. I think they’re pretty similar to Paul and Emma from starkid in the same way they’re inevitable in where their love ends tragically, Jack and Sabine are two people I can’t see realistically being alive and together even if I want to because of the circumstances they are in with Roger’s eye on Jack and Sabine being a sort of guardian. Maybe in another life if the two weren’t burdened with the supernatural and the gas station they’d be out of town, opened up a bookstore possibly and they’d be happy, but it’s not this life or any. They’re yuri to me.

Her screen time in general amplified a lot, her brief dynamic with Spencer (the one in Jack’s head btw) I really liked because of the contrast between the two’s relationship with Jack and their personalities. Spencer is much more willing for Jack to face the truth and everything whilst Sabine is more willing for it to drag on as a way to protect Jack. Also the whole time I imagined her looking like a green-eyed miss holloway from star kid, if I didn’t then it’d be a scene girl with many accessories on her.

Third, Jack’s history of violence and relationship with his father, Wendy, and Spencer. Volume 4 gave us official appearances and dialogue of Jack’s foster family and his father. To put it simply, it’s all shit.

Off note, one thing I’ll give is the use of names and titles in Jack’s pov, he never calls Miller by dad or pappy but instead a more formal way such as father because they never had the closeness for him to use a casual variation. He has a thing with that, especially with how he upgrades with O’brien with her name to even calling her Amy. Depending on what name it defines how close Jack is with some characters along with how well he knows of likes them.

Miller’s the worst, everyone knows this and hell even Travis thinks he’s the worst after seeing him interact with Jack. He’s a violent abusive drunkard that could have had the capability to be good but never tried to be and instead tried to make Jack be more “manly” in the way of violence and no matter how Jack or Miller sees it, he did succeed.

The violence is a way of reacting for Jack, like in the files where he beat up a kid for food and a girl for sticking her hand down his hands and Deacon. Jack’s violent tendencies and anger issues is what he got from Miller, this is from the years of resentment and fear that turned the automatic response for reacting is to beat the shit out of someone, he got his father’s worst flaws and turned out to be worse. Just as Spencer has said, Miller’s got a temper but Jack’s got something else. It’s something much more cruel and brutal because of his personality and circumstances, it’s where Spencer comes in as a gateway for all of Jack’s repression and blame shift towards him.

There’s a clear difference between the real Spencer and the one Jack sees, he’s got loose questionable morals but doesn’t seem as psychotic and violent as Jack believes. He’s even helpful in his own way. He’s the object of Jack’s hate not only for all the things he’s done like tryna kill him and beat up his friends, but also the fact that Spencer is a mirror with a reflection he despises. It’s why it’s so easy for him to put Spencer as the person for torturing bugs back when they were kid, because Spencer had a bad reputation, because Spencer is violent and brash, because he sees himself in Spencer. He’s quick to push blame to more reasonable targets whom would commit murder and violence such as Benji and Spencer cause he can’t confront his own actions and believes it, unreliable narrator at his finest.

I actually really liked Wendy, she’s the least shittiest in terms of family members for Jack and she’s got her priorities straight even though she does blackmail and pyramid schemes, she’s still getting the bag. Her interactions with Jack are more or less just average older sister behaviour with embarrassing his friends with a story from high-school, teasing and making fun of him, etc. Jack saw her as a foster sister whom he’s not close with, he distrusts her a lot and doesn’t believe her words even if she’s apologizing. But, even then he never saw her as a threat it’s a contrast to how Wendy feels about Jack.

She was terrified of Jack back then, their dynamic was completely different in her eyes because she was walking on eggshells around him the whole time. It’s what made me reconsider and think more deeply about the two’s relationship knowing that she was scared of him, which lead to wondering if their foster parents, Sid and Dianna were a bit scared of him too as they clearly didn’t like him. He didn’t have any worries attacking an adult, he attacked a teacher, he had no problem attacking his foster brothers too, whose to say they wouldn’t be next?

Fourth, O’brien and Jack. I really liked them in volume 2 and 3, it was sad to see Jack so clearly missing the O’brien he knew and trying in almost every interaction to bring back O’brien’s memories only for distance, indifference, and hostility from her because he’s suspicious, a culprit with mental issues that can’t distinguish between imagination and reality.

The new dynamic was a bit funny though, him admitting to crimes and smiling about while O’brien is squinting her eyes at him and already has her gun ready if he tries anything. I did wish to see more of O’brien and Jack in the later half, along with maybe a scene where they confront about the memory erasure thing after she got them back.

Overall, I really did like this volume although the Karen bit was a bit underwhelming and disappointing, Roger as a character and antagonist did make up for that along with everything else. This was less tales from the gas station and more about the town itself and focuses them outside of the gas station, but I still enjoyed it nonetheless.

[vaporeonisland]

school is FINALLY fucking over now (forever) which means I can actually work on the journal you guys!!!

[popppyfur]

...Im having thoughts and i need a 2nd opinion.

How long ago do we reckon trolls were caught/eaten/found by bergens? (relative to the great escape for simplicity)

lemme walk you through my thoughts...

we dont know how the tunnels got there, did the trolls dig them? or something else? or were they always there?

When did Peppy decide to use the tunnels? when were they discovered?

How many trolls did the bergens eat. surely at first they must have bean eating HEAPS of trolls daily before realised that they would run out. how long was it until then?

It had to have been long enough that they would have then decided to make trollstice (help cant spell) a yearly tradtion. could it at first have been monthly?

We dont know how many pop trolls there were at first. have their number gone down? by how much? since more being eaten means less babies.

How many queens/kings were at the troll tree? Just peppy? his parents? But that raises the question of wether or not any of the escaped trolls remember a time before the bergens.

-- A brand new, different anon.

GOD you reminded me of when i eventually realized how massively fucked the pop trolls were pre 1st movie. i remember trying to read everything i could that talked about it and staying up til 4 am to do it because holy hell they were being eaten on a yearly basis. IM HOLDING UR HAND AND SHAKING IT REALLY HARD. and im gonna answer this as jumbled as i can bc. its me. the professional yapper.

on that note ! all under read more to spare everyones dashboards

also, i havent really gone through actual specific numbers, my brains just settled on some vague decision that the pop trolls dont pass the hundreds, or five hundreds. that is to say, poppy would probably still try to know everyone by name just bc she would lol. so i hope you guys can just make up imaginary numbers of years too !!

we dont know how the tunnels got there, did the trolls dig them? or something else? or were they always there? When did Peppy decide to use the tunnels? when were they discovered?

ive always kinda assumed that the pop trolls dug it themselves! they knew about it long enough that they bothered to leave behind decoys of themselves after all. im assuming its a part of a long, long long list of attempts to escape, and they finished digging just a bit before the last trollstice. peppy wasnt gonna risk losing any more, especially since poppy herself was gonna be given to gristle

How many trolls did the bergens eat. surely at first they must have bean eating HEAPS of trolls daily before realised that they would run out. how long was it until then? It had to have been long enough that they would have then decided to make trollstice (help cant spell) a yearly tradtion. could it at first have been monthly? We dont know how many pop trolls there were at first. have their number gone down? by how much? since more being eaten means less babies.

i lost the damn reddit post so im gonna make my own screenshot instead LOL

from left to right, classical, techno, pop, funk, country, and the red blob under them; rock with a mix of other trolls

so like. THIS FUCKING DEVASTATED MEEEEEEEEEEEE. assuming theres more classical trolls just off screen, the visible sheer difference in numbers from the pop trolls in comparison to the other tribes (FUNK IS AN OUTLIER HUMOR ME) just. genuinely left me a bit speechless.

and if you go back to the first movie and remember that the entirety of their village fit in branch's bunker not to mention the DAMN POT? it just. really puts itself into perspective. bc that stage was still relatively big, but the pot. the fucking pot. the entirety of pop village

ALL of them. in THERE? isnt that crazy? we can say that some escaped, sure. but just the fact that they couldve gotten wiped out just like that is so. messed up to me man ToT

i dont remember which fic i read it from anymore, but there was a line going how the pops initially outnumbered the other tribes and thats how they were ever able to threaten actually overtaking everyone. and like. YEAH SURE. fuck me up even more like that why dont ya!!!!!

so suffice to say, pop troll population not doing so hot! and all your thoughts is just one domino falling after another. you piece together the pieces and ultimately just ending up with one undeniable answer. they got eaten. simple as that.

How many queens/kings were at the troll tree? Just peppy? his parents? But that raises the question of wether or not any of the escaped trolls remember a time before the bergens.

and ur first question, putting them together for one last godawfully long ramble :]

How long ago do we reckon trolls were caught/eaten/found by bergens? (relative to the great escape for simplicity)

the fact that world tour makes it a point to say that only peppy ever knew of the other tribes makes me lean more onto the assumption that its been... a while? but also like. no one's ever mentioned viva? no one remembers the princess who was old enough to fight bergens and mention that to poppy??? whos to say these guys arent just repressing everything as they always do????????? [ITS HARD TO ARGUE SPECULATIONS HERE BC they had to make plot for the movies to make sense!!! its why it feels so mean to me to just blame everything on peppy LMAO. even if that is the easiest way to make sense of it. I WANT NUANCE DAMMIT]

so for the sake of it. i like to think that theyve been under the bergens' capture long enough that everyone outside of the royal family forgot about the time that they were even free from the bergens. long enough that the royal family could rewrite the scrapbooks to make it seem like it wasnt their fault. that it never was. whether to spare themselves the blame, selfish deniability, or just. give up the hope that there was a single minuscule possibility to have help from the outside.

i said before that i headcanonned peppy holding resentment for them in the belief that no one could ever bother to just check. and thats part of the reason why he doesnt even want to attempt getting to know them, since it probably felt like no one EVER cared except for themselves.

again. im sorry that i dont have a specific number for you though ToT the most i can say is that: its long enough that they forgot.

POST ANSWER ASK RAMBLEEEE

heres a fic that made me ugly cry about this! i think it gives really good answers to your questions!!!!!!! and though it doesnt completely fit with whats 'canon' (when has anything ever) its such a horrifying and deliciously good outlook on how the bergens affected the pop trolls as a whole! cant recommend it enough!! please leave the author kudos and love especially if this is your type of jam!!!

more than anything. the realization of how hard the pop trolls' lives mustve even been prior to the first movie made me have so much fucking love for them even more?? T_T even if it is unhealthy to an outside perspective, they tried to stay positive, and they got through all those yearly eatings thanks to it, no wonder they try to stay within that mindset even after everything. sometimes i wonder if they felt like its all they had

[neurospicyyy]

Yes, I threw fits when I was a kid.

No, I wasn’t in control.

No, you shouldn’t judge me for it.

Yes, I am aware you think I had the choice.

But surely you understand I didn’t really have one?

Surly you understand I was struggling?

That I’m still struggling?

That I always will be?

[anaalnathrakhs]

born to be a drone, forced to navigate the employement system

[dragongeek1]

well friends I have officially joined the Chronic Pain Club, it’s not great to be here, there’s a chance it’s only temporary but my gut says ‘hmm many doubts’ and I won’t really know for a couple of weeks anyway until my doctors appointment. So. Been navigating that for four days and well we’re navigating at least

[seilon]

my mom was just talking to a friend on the phone and she was complaining about how all zoomers either can’t hold conversations without them being stilted and shallow or they basically traumadump and talk too much about their emotions and im just…… she is a psychologist. specifically a college counsellor. almost all of the zoomers she talks to are. literally university students assigned to her to seek out long term therapy for trauma, stress, anxiety, depression, behavioral and social issues, etc……….

what does she…expect……… to hear…….????

[the-kipsabian]

ofc im making the absolutely excellent decision of looking into schools to apply to at 12.30am after the day ive had and also after consuming the last of my medication so i can maybe sleep in peace for one night so im extremely tired rn why do you ask ofc i like suffering :)

[cherriko-art]

CW: mental health, anxiety, obsessive & spiraling thoughts

TL;dr: I had an intense, prolonged anxiety attack today, and I should rlly expedite finding a new therapist 🫠

Amongst today's flurry of activities included a 3hr-long anxiety attack where I panic-cleaned my entire kitchen bc I was so overwhelmed by the state it was in and the mere idea of all the grime/bacteria/mold was sending me into a spiral so I deep-cleaned every single part of it for hours while also feeling like I couldn't breathe/think/exist.

It felt like drowning, fueled purely by manic adrenaline and feeling like I was running a marathon and something was chasing me and I had to keep cleaning and cleaning and cleaning or else. Like if I stopped, I would just, drop dead.

But then I finished the kitchen but every single area of my apartment was a disorganized, gross pile of crap thats slowly been building up so I still couldn't breathe/think/exist, so I began cleaning up everything else too.

The panic adrenaline ended up fizzing out after 3-4hrs, but I did get 70% of my apartment cleaned up. It feels just the tiniest bit easier to breathe. But I'm still so, so overwhelmed. I'm on sensory overload. It's too hot-too cold, there's too much crap and there's not enough space, and I clean and clean but everything just gets dirty again and it makes me feel like I'm living in a filthy place even though logically I know it's not that bad.

I look at my tub and think, "didn't I just clean that?" and realise that was 2 weeks ago and of course it's gonna get gross again. I think "didn't I change my sheets not long ago?" but realise it's been a month. I keep doing my laundry, I keep putting it away, and by the time I finally finish putting it away there's a full load I need to do again. Rinse and repeat.

I showered, I'm clean right? Nope that was 2-3 days ago, I need to shower again, I'm gross, but the tub, it's dirty, but didn't I just clean it? Oh, that's right, that was 2 weeks ago. But now showering is (more) of a struggle, bc it feels revolting to step in bc all I can think of is how dirty it is (to me). Obv I should clean it, but there's a million other things I need to clean in my apartment that's higher on the priority than my tub. But I need to shower, I need to stay clean. But I need to clean my tub. But I don't have clean clothes I need to do the laundry, and also if I'm doing laundry I need to clean my sheets it's been too long, but then that's 2 loads of laundry and that'll take 2 days to finish bc we hang-dry our laundry and so the 1st load needs to dry before starting a 2nd load. But if I'm cleaning my sheets, then I need to shower, bc I don't want to dirty my fresh sheets that I just changed out. So I should shower first. Oh, but the tub is dirty-

Anyways, the spiraling thoughts are so, so hard to control these days. Esp considering I had 2 medical emergencies within 2 weeks of each other which has completely fucked me over and has contributed to my current mental state.

I really need a therapist 💀

[apollo-zero-one]

One of my cats, the one who is the best natured, the most tolerant and loving, bites my mom. Real, hard biting that breaks skin. He doesn't do this to anyone else in the house. She acts very victimized by it.

But when I ask, were you bothering him? I know you like to annoy the cats on purpose, were you teasing him after he gave you warnings to stop? Were you ignoring boundaries he set? And she'll give the most nonchalant, 'Yeah, probably.'

I'm realizing a lot about my own childhood trauma. I'm remembering, vaguely, distantly, the way I would have my own warnings ignored. I think I remember being overpowered, physically. In good fun! To play, to tickle! Except that I was so so small, and whether I wanted to play was irrelevant. And I was laughing, clearly I liked it! There was nothing I could do once she was playing, so I started avoiding physical play, keeping myself out of positions I could be trapped and tickled as much as I could.

I remember... How important it was to me to speak for my brother. To make sure he was clearly understood. He needs this, he wants that. He doesn't like that.

He doesn't like that. (Please stop doing that to him.) (Please stop doing that to me.)

We both got bigger and were eventually able to defend ourselves. Strong enough to squirm free and crawl away, or to stay curled up in a ball and not have our limbs pulled open and tickle spots revealed. My brother learned that if he gave no reaction, it would bore her until she stopped, and that worked for him. I learned that I had to grab her wrists and physically push her away for her to stop, and that, in combination with avoiding getting into the situation and repeatedly saying while in a safe position I didn't really like to be tickled ('Of course you do, you used to ask me to tickle you as a kid!' maybe sometimes.) finally got her to stop.

We're both big now. She bothers the cats. She likes to touch their noses and whiskers. The girl cats have learned when to walk away from her, they are able enough to squirm and then run. Roman is too big, too out of shape to run, so he's learned that when he has had enough, the only thing she'll listen to is his teeth.

I don't like being touched by strangers. I hate being tickled, it makes me feel out of control, and helpless. I hate feeling helpless.

I love my mother and she never meant any harm. But I am recognizing more and more harm from her as I start to dig deeper into my past and recognize things as trauma that I didn't flag earlier because they didn't sound traumatic. "I was often held down and tickled by my mom as a child" sounds like a cute childhood story. "I was physically overpowered, touched in ways I didn't want to be, had my protests ignored, and made to feel helpless by a parent" has a much different ring to it.

I was also shamed/guilted into having very, very lax physical boundaries. My mother could touch or grab me wherever and whenever she wanted. I was never sexually abused, never, so it has taken me a long time to recognize the situation as traumatizing. My mom jokes that when I started picking my own clothes, I always dressed like a prude, I never wanted even an inch of skin uncovered on my legs or waist and I would make sure to find the right clothes to achieve that. Leggings, all socks, oversized shirts, layers. As soon as I learned I was allowed to wear jeans I started to do so, and to this day Denim feels like armor to me. She's mentioned it's a texture she doesn't like. I wonder if that's related. I wonder if I was always subconsciously (maybe even consciously, I don't remember much of my childhood and I mostly have emotional amnesia about the parts I do remember- as if it was someone else's life I'm remembering) shielding myself from unwanted touches.

[neonqueerautumn]

Oh.

[kyaruun]

i feel sorry for my parents in the other room if they can hear any of tonight's "kuu sings undead's greatests hits (it's all their songs)"

[adieutristana]

aftercare headcanons; arcane women x fem! reader

dipping my toes into nsfw stuff… i doubt i’ll ever write anything about the act of sex itself but i thought this would be sweet

summary; headcanons of what aftercare would be like with arcane women and fem! reader.

characters included; jinx, vi, mel, sevika, caitlyn.

tags/warnings; fluff, no explicit nsfw, but VERY suggestive, praise, mentions of smoking, mentions of drinking, mentions of poor mental health

men and minors dni.

jinx;

✧.* jinx is very energetic somehow. several rounds, and she’s still bouncing off the walls? of course, she’s breathless and flushed, droplets of sweat on her body, but she’s somehow just as chaotic as ever. it’s like nothing changed. also very giggly. sex gives her a rush, and she’s feeling the effects of that especially after the fact.

✧.* a tease. she’ll tell you how good you did for her, how much she loved hearing those pretty sounds you made, but she didn’t know you were that desperate. or how you were so quick to give into her bratty tendencies, indulging her with just one look of those shimmering magenta eyes. the way she begged and teased you and commanded you even while submissive doing unimaginable things to you. you couldn’t help yourself, could you?

✧.* “am i just that irresistible, huh, toots? it didn’t take much to rile you up.”

✧.* incredibly touchy. it’s no secret that jinx loves the physical contact, she needs to be somehow touching you at all times. it gives her a sense of peace, knowing you’re there and you’re real and you love her. in several ways, you serve as jinx’s sanctuary without even meaning to.

✧.* so during aftercare, she’s clinging to you, brushing stray strands of hair out of your face, pressing warm kisses to your lips, tangling your limbs as she holds you from behind, resting her head on your shoulder. taking you into her lap and holding you impossibly close to her chest as she whispers sweet nothings to you.

✧.* you’re gonna have to redo her braids. they’re a right mess after your activities, and while jinx isn’t particularly bothered by that, she’ll pretend she is. secretly, she just loves the feelings of your hands on her scalp, fingers carefully combing through her locks and braiding it.

✧.* no doubt you’re left with several bite marks and hickeys afterward. on your neck, collarbones, chest, inner thighs… sitting there and admiring her work as you’re laid beside her. just admiring her masterpiece, she says.

✧.* “what, you fancy yourself some sort of artist?” you’d tease.

✧.* “the best damn artist there is.”

✧.* even though she’s super energetic, i do think jinx would like being doted on during aftercare. run her a warm bath (she’ll demand you get in, though), get her a glass of water, maybe even make her something to eat. she won’t verbalize it, but her soft smile will make it clear that jinx appreciates it.

✧.* strangely chatty as well. jinx loves talking to you, that’s not out of the ordinary. but during aftercare, she just wants to talk, and talk, and talk. praise you, and praise you, and praise you.

vi;

✧.* out like a damn light. it takes a lot out of vi, so she’ll be able to manage staying awake for a few minutes maximum. holding you in her arms, laying her head on your lap- either way, she falls asleep rather quickly.

✧.* on the odd occasion that vi isn’t tired after your activities, she’ll pull you into her lap and just… stare at you. admire you. it may sound weird, but vi is just incredibly glad to have you. she considers herself lucky. she just wants to look at you.

✧.* “don’t mind me, baby. you’re just so damn pretty.”

✧.* one or both of you is sore after the fact. run vi a bath when she wakes up, maybe with some epsom salt. she might grumble about getting in, claiming she doesn’t need to be taken care of, but seeing her muscles relax as she eases into the warm water tells you everything you need to know.

✧.* if it’s you who’s sore, vi has methods for treating that. being a fighter, someone with strength like she does, she’s pulled many muscles in her life. she’s got a muscle relaxing cream, ice, hell, she’ll (try to) give you a massage. anything to make you feel better. she does worry, after all.

✧.* you’re marked to hell and back. vi just adores seeing proof of her love on your body. however, she’ll be a bit embarrassed if you go out in public with them. in her mind, those marks are for her eyes only. queue vi tossing you a turtleneck or a scarf, or asking if you could try to cover it with makeup.

✧.* holds you close to her while she sleeps. vi needs that feeling of security and the reassurance, she always says that she sleeps better when you’re with her. her slow breaths against your bare chest, sturdy arms wrapping around your waist, grumbling softly in her sleep about… something. you can’t quite make it out.

✧.* “sleepy… you gonna hold me while i drift off?”

✧.* probably takes a swig or two out of a flask after the fact because i think vi would become a bit self-conscious afterward- not necessarily insecure, but more self-aware. if that makes sense

✧.* the morning after especially, vi is soooo so clingy. now that she’s fully awake and functioning she’s peppering kisses all over your face and neck, holding you close to her, telling you how amazing you were the night prior. how much she loves you.

✧.* will probably insist that you stay in bed so she can make you breakfast. she’s a surprisingly good cook, after having to fend for herself and her little sister at such a young age.

✧.* vi is just caring. she wants to be gentle to you after the fact.

mel;

✧.* the sweetest, most doting woman during aftercare. mel prefers things to be slow and sensual, to profess her love to you. aftercare is no different.

✧.* taking you into her lap or vice versa, putting her head in the crook of your neck, slow, lingering kisses that leave your head spinning, running her soft hands through your hair, little praises whispered into your skin as she kisses your face, your neck, your collarbones..

✧.* mel goes the entire nine yards to make sure that you feel taken care of. she’ll run a bath for you and even toss in flower petals. she’ll grab you water even if you don’t ask for it, she’ll ask you if you need anything- a towel, tea, a meal. even if you insist that you’re okay, mel will probably do almost all of those things for you. it’s just in her nature to want to help people, why would she not want to take care of her girlfriend?

✧.* “are you sure you don’t want me to brew some tea? you look tired, dearest.”

✧.* probably will want to read afterwards. she’ll have you snuggled in her lap or laying on her chest with her back slightly propped up, reading a novel in silence, basking in your presence. mel is focused, but it’s clear that your company makes all of the difference. she’ll read out loud to you if you ask her, but she thinks you’ll fall asleep if she does. (don’t worry if you do, she finds it cute)

✧.* mel is just so attentive. she never wants you to feel as if you aren’t loved by her and she’ll do absolutely anything you ask her for. she knows how tired you must be, and despite her own exhaustion, she’ll do whatever possible to help you wind down. she’ll open a window if you need fresh air, she’ll get you fresh blankets, help you straighten up your hair, anything.

✧.* probably lights a few candles if she didn’t already, before intimacy. her room always smells incredible.

✧.* doesn’t seem like the type to leave marks to me, she’d just tire you out and vice versa.

✧.* “just one more kiss, darling. oh, who am i kidding? plenty more.”

✧.* just whispering so many sweet nothings against your skin- your chest, your neck, anywhere. soft praises like, ‘you’re so beautiful, dearest,’ or ‘you’re incredible,’ things of that sort. her voice is smooth like honey and just as sweet.

✧.* at least you’re not too worn out. mel is merciful and won’t push you beyond your limits, much preferring the intimacy and slowness. taking her time with you and enjoying it for what it is, enjoying you for what you are. aftercare is arguably her favorite part.

sevika;

✧.* yeah… good luck walking after the fact. at the very least, sevika will make sure to get you anything you need. water, definitely. maybe cough drops to ease your throat. a towel, a little something to keep you fed. she doesn’t say much during these acts, but it’s clear that sevika cares and wants you to feel the best you can.

✧.* just very, very gentle towards you. after making sure you’ve got all your bases covered in terms of care, she’ll lay down next to you, lighting a cigar and humming. looking over at you every now and again, just admiring your face. her eyes filled with warmth and a slight smile playing at her lips, sevika absolutely adores you. gods, how did she get so lucky?

✧.* actually pretty clingy. sevika will ask that you let her spoon you, sit on her lap, rest your head on her chest as you listen to the soft thrumming of her heartbeat. something. it grounds her in the moment and a moment of stillness, away from the constant chaos and disorder of her day-to-day life. she really doesn’t care how sweaty you are or how messed up your hair or makeup or (what’s left of) your clothes, she just wants to be close to you.

✧.* “come on, pretty girl. you gonna leave me all by myself over here, hm?”

✧.* on the subject of having trouble walking, sevika does not want you to move off the bed, the couch, wherever. if you really need to get up to get something, she’ll get it for you. if you need a bath, she’ll run it and carry you, gently setting you down in the tub. your muscles will no doubt be sore in the morning and fatigue will take you, the last thing that sevika wants is for you to put your body through even more.

✧.* “relax, dove. i’ve got ya covered, just let me take care of you, okay?”

✧.* sevika does get pretty tired herself, but she’ll draw her energy out as long as possible to get a little more time with you. when sleep does take her, though, she’s clinging to you and she’s out. have fun waking her up in the morning.

✧.* smells of cigar smoke, maybe a bit of whiskey and of course, sweat. but it’s strangely charming. sevika has a way of making everything work, and it’s the way she’s so confident that makes you fall for her over and over again. maybe clean her up a bit, though.

✧.* she won’t admit it, but she will enjoy if you look after her at least a little bit. even if it’s just wiping her down with a towel or running your fingers through her dark hair while giving her sweet little compliments.

✧.* the morning after is slow, and she’ll undoubtedly be up later than you are. brew her a cup of coffee, maybe press your lips to her forehead delicately to wake her up. sevika will be more than appreciative.

caitlyn;

✧.* also very attentive. she does want to take care of herself, so she’ll get herself freshened up in the shower (and invite you in), make sure she’ll be somewhat presentable in the morning. but she also does want to take care of you. she’ll be so clingy. brushing your neck and jawline and cheeks with plush lips, humming into your skin.

✧.* probably not very talkative. the silence isn’t awkward or tense, instead it’s comfortable. caitlyn will let her actions speak for her instead of speaking, although she does make sure to give a few gentle compliments to you.

✧.* “you did so well, you know that? yeah, absolutely amazing, darling.”

✧.* caitlyn probably put on a record before taking you, crackling, soft music filling the room during and after. it’s relaxing to her, being able to relax to music and enjoy your presence while you’re cuddled up next to her. staring into lapis eyes, smiling so softly. it brings caitlyn both tranquility and joy simultaneously, something she didn’t know she could feel before meeting you.

✧.* please brush through caitlyn’s hair, maybe even massage her scalp a little or wash her hair. she will positively melt under your touch, tense shoulders dropping and a sigh escaping her.

✧.* very smiley afterward. not a cheesy grin or full, toothy smile, but just something soft. you can tell just how content she is by one look at her face, especially while she’s looking at you. coming to cup your cheek and run the pad of her thumb over it, the corners of her lips tugging upwards.

✧.* caitlyn waits until you’re asleep to go to sleep herself. whether that be you in her arms, her in your arms, she doesn’t have a preference. caitlyn just wants to know that you’re okay, you’re resting well before she indulges herself in the same thing. yes, she does want to take care of her own needs, but she’s particular about this.

✧.* doesn’t matter how late it gets or how tired she is, she’ll force herself awake. probably not a healthy choice, but it’s what she does.

✧.* although i said she wouldn’t be very talkative during aftercare, she probably will whisper to you while you sleep. maybe the fact that you’re at peace is what prompts her to do it, maybe it’s that you look so damn cute.

✧.* “tired you out, did i? mm… that’s okay. i like having you like this, honestly.”

[shehsart]

The amount of times the education system has given me breakdowns is the reason I refuse to go back to school

[fruitpunchnoice]

I think every mental health professional should be fluent in the Mountain Goats so I can walk in and say "yeah my family's driving me crazy and I've been feeling very The Mess Inside and Riches and Wonders lately with the Occasional Werewolf Gimmick and Foreign Object" and they'd be like "when you feel that way do you stop to consider the tetrapod?" And I'd be like "damn I really need to consider the tetrapod"

[the-kipsabian]

in my restless, sleepless, sick state ive also been thinking about a few passion projects that i really want to get off the ground this year and i really wanna talk about them but i barely have more than a concept for either cause im afraid of failure ough