#but connection makes it worth it

[whimsical-roasting]

I hung out with an elderly friend today... An old man who reminds me of loneliness and connection at the same time. I made some excuse to show up at his house - a small one on an acreage - tiramisu and lamington in hand. "Just thought sharing was caring, and I was in the area," I justified. "'M just cooking dinner, love, come up," he responded. I mentally counted my luck; it was the first time I had been invited upstairs. I think I'm at an age where I keep looking for subtle intimacy, eyes desperately searching all interactions like a game of Where's Waldo. The intimacy of being known and knowing. I pocket those moments and pray this jacket has no holes.

"If you complain about the mess, you're cleaning it," he joked. I chuckled a little louder than usual, making sure he heard me. I wonder how much he can understand me at times... We're both fluent in English, but I think my style of speech is faster than his…my 'American' accent feels oddly present. I feel the words coat my tongue like honey - thick and sweet, but thick. His eyes always search my face after I speak, as though his mind is trying to catch the words floating up into the air between us. I've settled for listening. And laughing. I muster my warmest giggles and use the muscles in my face to mime expressions that I hope convey what my words would have. 

My eyes jumped from one spot to another as I stepped in. Frog knickknacks on the counter, dog food, papers, coats of dust and cobwebs, a microwave next to the fridge, cut-up broccoli for the dinner I had interrupted, photo frames, and more frogs. "Awh, should've kept your shoes on. Your socks'll get wrecked." My eyes dropped to the floor, bringing out a smile. "Nothing a wash can't fix." But part of me hopes it doesn’t. Part of me hopes these white socks remember the dust of a house being lived in long after we've forgotten. It's a cluttered home, but I love it. He calls it junk; I call it loved. There's dust on so many untouched things; I wonder if their history haunts him. The look on his face as he tells me about all these items, confirms it does. History haunts us all, I guess. The lamp on the floor by the dining table reminds me of being 8 years old. I remember burning my fingers on the glass panels of a similar lamp. They stopped making models like those years ago. 

"My wife loved frogs," he confessed. That explained all the green antiques I spotted around. "My mum loves turtles," I offered him. The intimacy of being known and knowing. I find out he has a vintage crystal trinket set from some castle in England. Old photos show me that mutton chops were his preference of beard back in the day. His basement houses a pile of used chequebooks from 1960 and a hand-painted chest from the war. "What's your favourite animal?" I asked, eager to imagine a different species lining the corners of his home. Regardless of his answer, my eyes spotted some free space on his fridge, and I think to myself, 'an owl magnet would go there nicely.'

At times, I question my heart. I berate its desire for love and connection. I think how stupid it is to find every interaction so meaningful you could cry at how humans were meant to be around one another... I wonder if others can see the glow in my chest when we talk. I wonder if that glow passes to them once I've left. I'm sure it'll fade out til we need to fill our cups again, but I hope that old man's house glows a little. I hope there's a soft glow lingering around the spots that haunt him. I hope it lingers by the sink and the armchairs. I hope it follows him this winter. Or at least until I find an owl magnet and another excuse to visit.

[thevioletcaptain]

i genuinely don't care how good a piece of ai generated art or writing looks on the surface. i don't care if it emulates brush strokes and metaphor in a way indistinguishable from those created by a person.

it is not the product of thoughtful creation. it offers no insights into the creator's life or viewpoint. it has no connection to a moment in time or a place or an attitude. it has no perspective. it has no value.

it's empty, it's hollow, and it exists only to generate clicks (and by extension, ad revenue.)

it's just another revolting symptom of the disease that is late stage capitalism, and it fucking sucks.

[merverelli]

"you just feel yourself let go."

still thinking about this episode. man. 💪💥

[s0fter-sin]

soap's whole deal being sniper and demolitions gets me going bc on the surface they sound so different but when you get into it, you realise it's bc soap's smart

sniping is all math; calculating distances and wind interference and bullet drop. something i think people overlook is he was listed as a sniper first so it can be implied that he's better at it than demolitions. he does more sniping in both campaigns than demolitions work; in capture or kill, ghost specifically calls on him to take down the aq snipers

and demolitions is math with a hit of chemistry; knowing what mixes with what, knowing how much to use, recognising environmental factors and adjusting accordingly. it's not just about the boom; so much work goes into contained/ planned explosions. especially when having enough power for a breacher charge and not bringing down the whole building is the difference between mission success and failure

the chemical bombs he makes in alone can't just be any old cleaners, they have to have the correct reaction to each other; he just knew off the top of his head what would mix with what to create what reaction. he would also potentially have to recognise them by sight/smell bc they would’ve been written in spanish

soap would also have to know architecture; recognising structural integrity and weak points so he knows exactly where to plant a charge to bring it down and how it'll come down

he has an incredible soldier's mind people just forget that bc he's sociable which itself is a skill

we know he tends to buck against orders he doesn't agree with like when he pushes back against ghost in capture or kill and shepherd when he tells them to release hassan

he gets closer to people and sees if he can trust them and that's when he follows them without question. really think about how he talks to alejandro and rudy; he asks about their home and alejandro's family and rudy's relationship with him. those aren't questions you ask a stranger after a few hours of knowing them. that's not even touching on his relationship with ghost

he also deliberately brings people of higher ranks down to his level; talking informally with ghost and giving him a shoulder punch, addressing alejandro (a colonel!!) by his first name and rudy by his nickname despite literally just meeting them. he personalises all of them and it’s in direct opposition to the reason most characters do that; it’s not due to insubordination or lack of respect, the more he respects and trusts someone, the more casual he is with them

he digs into people; he wants to know what makes them tick and that determines if he can one, trust them and two, follow their orders. once he decides that, he's the ultimate soldier; he bleeds loyalty which makes him vicious when that loyalty is taken for granted

he isn't naive or bubbly or insecure; he's an incredibly smart and aware soldier. he's aggressive and bloodthirsty and loyal and intuitive and i love him so much

[dkettchen]

tangerine picnicking

[remma-demma]

Thinking about people not liking what happened at the end of dawntrail like… hmm.

Did you not remember the stuff with the Yok Huy. Nobody is gone if you remember them. The phrase that’s been with us for nearly the entire game, “For those we have lost….” Emet Selch entrusting us not only with the legacy of humanity in general but specifically with the memories of the Ancients and Elpis.

Just because people are gone doesn’t mean they aren’t still with us.

But the people of Neo-Alexandria are kept from that. They can’t remember anyone they’ve lost because their memories were stolen and locked away in an eternal purgatory, unable to move on or be reincarnated. The quest where you go to the graves in Heritage Found was a big moment where I was like. Huh. This fucking sucks actually.

The endless are just computer simulations, and they exist because Sphene can’t bear to let them go. Can’t even let her living citizens mourn or carry on legacies.

And that’s not even mentioning the fact that she needs the souls of innocent *living* people to power this all.

I think it’s a really good metaphor for the digital age, becoming disconnected from our irl communities, uploading your entire life on social media. Profiles of loved ones who have passed on. AI chat bots providing temporary comfort but no real human connection. All of that technology requiring enough energy to slowly but surely contribute to the destruction of our planet.

It all seems pretty clear to me as an allegory but like, I guess some people just didn’t make that connection? Or maybe they just don’t think about all the AI stuff in the same way I do.

[deoidesign]

Time and Time Again comes back tonight!

Thank you all for being so patient with me, I know it was a long hiatus.

My health was struggling, my arm was (is) hurting, and I decided it wasn't worth it. I'd rather be slow!

So thank you for giving me that grace, and I hope you'll be there with me for the rest of the series.

[kyouka-supremacy]

Alright what's up with the last two Hoshikawa arts and Akutagawa and Chuuya wearing hats that are suspiciously similar to the Hunting Dogs one

[jicklet]

Nancy Drew (2019-2023)

Thank you for 62 spooky, funny, wonderful episodes about love. ♥

[bumblingbabooshka]

When the only person who might understand what happened- understand. Not sympathize or empathize or comfort you but understand what happened, isn't there anymore. Or: 'A Man Made Me Do Something I Didn't Want To', for when you can't talk about it or look it in the eye [Patreon | Commissions]

[fumifooms]

Canines

The hand that feeds

Mickbell Tomas & Kuro Dungeon Meshi

^ 1: Ink-the-artist, I will remove my teeth / 2: Margaret Atwood / 3: C.S. Lewis, The Horse and His Boy / 4: Mitski, I’m your man / 5: Ojibwa, I love you like a rotten dog / 6: KotOR II / 7: Stardrop, Everything that’s ever been mine is covered in teeth marks / 8: Sodikken, People Eater / 9: Mitski, I’m your man / 10: maxime., The life and death of a dog / 11: Mitski, I bet on losing dogs / 12: maxime., The life and death of a dog / 13: hun, I did not bite with Malice / 14: C. Michael Davis, Don't Pet the Dragon / 15: Mitski, I’m your man

v 1: Early versions of the myth as in aeschylus orestes / 2: Ink-the-artist, I will not remove my teeth

[starcurtain]

Trying to explain in the group chat why Ratiorine has me in a death grip and I couldn't find the words so I just sent Little Prince quotes.

“What does that mean — to tame?”

“It means to establish ties. To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world…please, tame me!”

“I want to, very much,” the Little Prince replied, “but I have not much time. I have friends to discover, and a great many things to understand.”

Absolutely "You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed"-coded ship, my goodness.

[chase-the-ladybug]

Went back to compare shima-ujie interactions

It’s interesting how the words revolving around Shima and Ujie when he was practising volleyball in chapter 41 compare to what their interactions this chapter(61) were.

Shima had said before how he couldn’t get angry before bc he couldn’t empathise, but here he is, clearly upset. He’s come far from the kid who wouldn’t bother getting upset bc ‘it’s not worth it’. What specifically changed though?

Let’s compare to Mitsumi in the past. She was upset in chapter 41 when ujie told her to stop playing a good person, bc it means something to her to look out for other people, and she values it. She could empathise with ujies pain and yet he treated her with disdain in response.

Shima however didn’t care at the time. But now, he’s finally learning to look forward and go after what he wants, so when ujie says what he does, it hurts him. It’s like a dismissal of what he’s working toward, but it scares him bc it’s also a feeling he empathises with.

Ujie says here he probably doesn’t understand that. But Shima got mad bc he DOES UNDERSTAND, it’s a point of contention for him that he just can ‘play along’ in whatever way to please others. He wants to change that though and Ujie hadn’t recognised it.

There’s also the case of how he still holds in a lot of self-hatred for the type of person he is, imo. He finds it incredibly hard to be ‘selfish’, and it’s already taken so much for him to chase acting again, but there’s always this worry that he’s just taking advantage of the people around him. Even though him pursuing this doesn’t logically hurt them at all.

In the end though, when he does talk to Ujie again to explain what he thought, it comes back to the words of assurance he himself gave Ujie in chapter 41

Because since that chapter he DOES know what it’s like to try hard for something, he DOES care about the role he worked towards, it’s NOT a role he stole from someone more deserving. And in the end, it resonates with Ujie too.

[frostios]

Art Summary 2023!!

aka year of the sonic. i feel like this year ive rediscovered my love for drawing again and am actively looking for ways to improve instead of feeling like im stagnating and that really excites me! onwards to the new year!!

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Obsessed with Fyodor’s as yet unknown backstory today. And not just in the ‘I need to know’ way but… idk there’s something about the way he seems to wholeheartedly believe that what he is doing will result in the removal of sin. Thinking about how he doesn’t have a god complex but is instead a follower of what he believes to be god’s will. Thinking about how he places himself as above others anyways by taking their free will from them. I think about how his ability didn’t attack him and instead seems to be working with him. The gem is in his hand, the hands he kills with, the righteous hand? I think about that gakuen profile that I can’t find anymore but I know I saw where his likes are generally good and selfless things like peace, and about how, if this is true, he’s been an extreme idealist all along. I think about how senseless violence, the people who can’t stop killing each other, seem to disgust him. That he wants to cleanse it. That he repeatedly uses the very thing he wants to cleanse as a weapon regardless. I think about him and Dazai being foils and wonder if his plan to remove the sin of ability users includes his own self-destruction. I wonder where his self-assurance in the necessity of his cruelty and the perfection of God’s intentions comes from. I wonder how old he actually is.

As funny as the idea is to me that he’s just like that… is it kind of weird that I hope whatever his deal is ends up being a gut-punch?

[jackdaw-and-hattrick]

Hot Take:

Of the Bats, Dick is the best at being liked, Jason is the best at being loved.