#but comforting people should not include invalidating their feelings

[im-just-a-random-fandom-girl]

why does it take a week to type up a police report huh? like… please, i just want to see my report and know that it’s real.

[traumasurvivors]

I wrote a blog post about how harmful it can be to have your emotions invalidated growing up. It's here if you want to check it out! I'll paste the text below the read more for people who don't like links, but if you're comfortable, I really appreciate getting hits on my site! It feels really validating after all the work I've put into it. I've opted to not have any ads or anything to monetize my site, so it isn't like those annoying clickbait articles.

The effects of having our emotions invalidated while we’re growing up isn’t talked about enough and it can have lasting effects. This can happen when people say things like “you don’t know real struggles” when a younger person is upset about something they’re struggling with. This might include being told “I’ll give you something to cry about” which implied that the reason you were crying then “wasn’t a big enough reason”. Other people may have had to deal with “worse” problems and so we were told to be thankful for what we had because of what other children experienced. Your feelings of sadness, frustration, disappointment or anger were still real and valid. And you were allowed those feelings.

You may have been told to “stop being so sensitive,” which taught that you weren’t tough enough. You may have also been told “it builds character” which may have made you feel that you had to find a positive lesson in every bad thing you experienced. This can also be part of how people invalidate the seriousness of abuse, and other things that happened to you that were someone else’s fault. If someone doesn’t want to take responsibility, they may minimize what happened to you. They may say it’s okay because “they didn’t mean to do it” or “they don’t know any better,” perhaps because of abuse they went through. Your feelings may be invalidated because someone wants you to “let it go.” How serious they feel it was, or the reasons it happened, are not reasons that your feelings should be ignored or disregarded. Your feelings are valid. You should never have to “let it go.” 

These things that we were told, and many more, taught us that our emotions were bad and wrong. It likely felt invalidating. It may have been damaging And it probably affects how we see the emotions of others. I’ve had people say similar things to me now that I’m an adult, and I think it’s likely they do it because they were told things like these when they were younger, too. Over time, this has led to me invalidating my own feelings. I’ve told myself I should be strong and to avoid such feelings, or that the reasons for them weren’t “big enough”. I told myself that others had it worse than me, therefore I wasn’t allowed to be upset. None of these things helped me. Instead, they actually made me worse off. I bottled stuff up and then began using unhealthy coping methods to deal with the emotions. Having our emotions invalidated as we grow up can be traumatizing in its own way. It also doesn’t teach us how to effectively deal with and process our negative emotions. This can lead to people having fits of uncontrollable rage, spirals of depression and guilt, substance abuse to avoid feelings, and any number of other unhealthy reactions that can cause us more harm and prolong everything or make it worse.

Being unable to cope with my feelings was a big part of me not being able to cope with conflict in my relationships. Downplaying any “bad” thing that happened and ignoring it meant, for instance, I wouldn’t point out and deal with a small (sometimes completely unintentional) mistake. Instead, I let my feelings build without communicating about them and let my resentment build. By the time I acknowledged and spoke about my feelings, the problem was a thousand times worse than it would have been if I had dealt with it quickly. And sometimes it was too late to fix the damage done.

It’s not too late to learn and do better. You don’t have to be thankful it wasn’t “worse”. You don’t have to find a silver lining. While it’s important not to get stuck in our feelings long-term, sitting with them and feeling them and acknowledging you aren’t okay is okay! It’s okay to think something sucks or that it wasn’t fair. It’s okay to feel frustrated or sad over “small” things. Sometimes we don’t even understand why a situation or something has left us having such big feelings, and that’s okay, too! Your feelings are real and valid, even if they don’t make sense to you. And you deserve patience and compassion. Especially from yourself.

When you have negative feelings, if you find yourself minimizing them, or telling yourself why you don’t have a right to feel them, stop and try to be aware of what you’re doing. And allow yourself to feel it if you can. I've often had to remind myself that while it is uncomfortable, I can be uncomfortable and sit with my feelings. Think about if there’s a healthy response you can have to those feelings. For instance, if someone said something hurtful to you, talking to them about it might be a lot more productive than acting like you don’t care. Your feelings are valid. And invalidating them yourself is unlikely to be good for you.

Try to remember that, and try to be kind to yourself.

[brookslostarm]

Regarding the dinostar hate recently, I don't really think Darius did anything wrong. I get why people might think his confession was unhealthy, but put urself in his shoes. He got stranded on an island full of dinos at 12 and had to become the leader of a group of people older than him, a few months after his dad's death. He saw his best friends- Brooklynn and Kenji, get together and was 100 percent fine with it, even happy for them. A few years later, they break up and Brooklynn comes to stay with him for a week or so. He's never had feelings for anyone at this point, but that was because on the island, he never had any time for romance- always focusing on protecting his friends, and even after getting off the island- focusing on his mental health and DPW. But now, his dealt with all that and is at a good place in his life, likely ready for a relationship and focusing more on people he's interested in. Coincidentally, his girl best friend recently became single and stayed at his place for 1 week. It isn't like living on nublar since it's just the two of them. Feelings are bound to develop.

Now, his confession, a lotta people r saying that Darius is putting Brook on a pedestal, because he said something about supporting Brooklynn's work no matter what, but I don't really think that's true. The reason some of the audience is mad is because we know the extent of Brooklynn's obsession with her work, and so does Kenji, but does Darius know? It's not very likely, since Brooklynn doesn't talk much about her work. Also, when u get a crush, that too for the first time, ur gonna wanna impress them- say nice things to them, support them, etc. and that's literally what Darius was doing. He loved her and felt comfortable around her enough to say those things without putting much thought into it.

Another thing I've noticed is people saying that the "if he loved you half as much as I do" line is invalid because he left Brooklynn when she got kidnapped. In my opinion, that's just not true, he didn't want to leave her, he was just following Brooklynn's directions, and knew that if he stayed, him and yaz would also get captured. Also, didn't Kenji betray and lock his friends, including Brooklynn, in a room? I get that it wasn't his fault as he was manipulated by his dad, but I don't think it should be glossed over if we're using the "Darius left Brooklynn, and Kenji went back for her" argument against Dinostar.

As for the "he's dating his best friend's ex!" Thing, I get it goes against bro-code, but Brooklynn isn't just his best friend's ex, Brooklynn is also one of his best friends. They've supported each other through thick and thin and had SO much chemistry in season 2,3 and 5 of cc. Also, Kenji seems to be okay with him having feelings for Brook, based on s2 of ct. He doesn't seem to have any anger or resentment towards Darius and jokes with him like he normally would, even after knowing Darius' feelings. Also, a large portion of the fandom seems to enjoy dinostar more than kenlynn, and dinostar wouldn't be introduced in the first place if it wasn't going to be endgame. I don't think it was introduced just for drama, because if it was, it's gonna make even plantonic dinostar extremely problematic and unlikable, in my opinion.

That being said, I'm honestly fine with whatever route they decide to go through, whether Brooklynn ends up with Kenji, Darius or single, though I would prefer she end up with Darius. To the people who don't agree, I don't mean to cause any drama or anything lol, this is just my opinion. Ig we're gonna have to wait till season 3 to find out what happens😭

Maybe Brooklynn x Soyona tho🤔 their enemies to lovers potential is 📈📈📈

[scoobydoodean]

is there anything you're critical of Dean for? not meant as a gotcha, i just haven't been reading your blog for long.

i just struggle getting out of the Doylist perspective and holding characters accountable. i'm annoyingly cognizant of the external factors like them not wanting to pay Misha or having to cater to a sizeable portion of their audience that preferred the easier digestible, more accessible "two bros in MotW episodes" that didn't serve the overarching storyline or relationships or if they did, didn't take up that much air time or did it superficially (flashback to Dean being called overdramatic in 6x20 because they just didn't. get. it.).

I think it's clear that Dean and Cas’s relationship issues involving communication are an active choice made by the writers that don't just exist because Misha isn’t in all the episodes. If the writers didn’t want us to pay attention to Cas’s absences, they would establish that Cas consistently keeps in communication offscreen over the phone and that things between Dean and Cas are good when they see each other in person. Instead, they choose to do the exact opposite. They show Cas being avoidant and hiding in episodes he's not in and in episodes he's in too. They emphasize that Cas's absences are more than physical—he creates emotional distance—he hides and lies and keeps secrets when he feels ashamed or has become convinced that he needs to handle things on his own. This is a very core character hangup for Cas. It also doesn't make him a bad person. It makes him (for lack of a better word) human. His flaws are understandable and tragic and rooted in trauma, and one of the worst parts about the end of Supernatural is that Cas never gets to fully work through these feelings and have his eyes opened to exactly how deeply he is loved and that his worth is more than what he can do for others.

To be quite honest though, I think people need to become more comfortable with hearing that Cas isn't perfect without jumping to conclude that he is being condemned for being imperfect. No one is perfect—especially not our Supernatural blorbos. That includes Dean who is also imperfect. I'm not sure exactly what post of mine prompted this ask, but I don't actually think I've been that critical of Cas or condemned him for anything. I've only shined a light on some of his flaws—particularly in episodes where fandom has tended to ignore them and condemn Dean as The One And Only Bad Friend.

I guess I just wonder why it has always been acceptable to highlight Dean's flaws (even ones that don't actually exist) without ever mentioning a single thing another character did "wrong" to contribute to a conflict, but when I highlighting anything Cas ever did wrong in a conflict with Dean without a healthy helping of deancrit, people feel I'm not being "fair" enough. It's very clear that people want me to protect Cas more—even against the lightest criticisms— but I'm not sure why he's considered more deserving of that than Dean. I'm also not sure why a doylist perspective would invalidate Dean's experience as a fellow character within the story affected by Cas's absences and not an omniscient viewer who's thinking about how many episodes the writers can afford to put Misha Collins in (and again—I do not think a doylist perspective explains Cas's behavior—the behavior is intentionally written into his character for seasons upon seasons).

I'm not going to fight it if people choose to call me "cas critical" or "sam critical" because that's their prerogative. To be clear though, I don't prefer to engage with stories as competitions where we count up who did the most wrong things and assign that person as The Bad Character Among The Good Characters. I can understand if it looks that way from an outsider's perspective, but I'm actually reacting to fandom largely deciding to engage with Supernatural as if it should be consumed as a story about The Bad Character Among The Good Characters and deciding that The Bad Character Among The Good Characters is Dean. I'm far less critical of Sam or Cas than I'll ever be of fandom’s need to make everything about keeping score of who did the most wrong stuff. It can be fun to shitpost about it to piss of crits, but the actual point of the story isn't to figure out which one did the most bad things and "hold them accountable".

[bloomshroomz]

I generally don't believe in policing people's labels, but is it fair to say "If you're attracted to me, you're not a lesbian/straight man?"

Because like. I'm a man, and people being attracted to me while identifying as a lesbian/straight man makes me really dysphoric.

Even if they're using those terms in a multisexual or genderqueer context (e.g. bi lesbian, lesboy) it feels bad. I understand identity is complex and labels are flexible, but terms like "lesbian" and "straight man" are still ultimately centered around attraction to women.

I don't think that identifying that way is invalid, but sometimes I just wonder. Do we draw the line at misgendering people you're attracted to? If a man you're attracted to isn't comfortable with you identifying as a lesbian/straight man in any context, is it wrong to continue to identify that way? Is it wrong for that man to feel that way?

I think that, at the end of the day, it's up to you to decide which labels you identify with. But I also think that certain choices inherently would misgender me if someone identified that way while attracted to me. Is that unfair? Should I just say "I don't want to hear about it"?

There are people who identify as lesbians/straight men who have been attracted to me, knowing that I am a trans man. I don't like that. I am a man, and it took a while for me to become confident enough in my manhood to reject terms like lesbian and sapphic for myself. So people including me in that anyway sucks.

[saintjosie]

hi!! fanfic writing person here again :D

i've been looking at a ton of stuff and first like. damn i didn't expect me headcanoning a character as transfem to lead me down a rabbit hole where i now 1. have loads of random knowledge on transfem issues and 2. have a massive amount of respect for transfem people and understanding of the differences in experience of different trans people. wonderful actually. your stuff has been super helpful tysm

actual question! how do i go about using femininity as a marker of transition without falling into gender roles? do you think that's disrespectful? because like. wearing makeup, 'feminine' clothes, that kind of thing-- functionally no bearing on someone's womanhood. but those are, to my understanding, big hallmarks of transfem experiences. i don't want to say that wearing makeup or a dress makes her suddenly feel wonderful and pretty and solves all her woes, but i also don't want to downplay the significance of that experience. ideally, how do you think those should be balanced? basically how do i make her feminine without it seeming like a certain level of femininity is required to be trans.

generally, are there any experiences you think would be helpful to know? i'm writing a lot about her (currently two fics on different effects of HRT as an adult, and two on her gender being affirmed as a teen when she had taken basically no steps in her transition) so any insight is helpful. ideally what would you want portrayed in a non-transfem author writing a trans girl? idk!

i understand that these are very big asks so once again don't feel pressured to reply-- thank you regardless! generally looking at your content as a trans woman has been super helpful so thank you so much for sharing <3 best wishes!

"how do i go about using femininity as a marker of transition without falling into gender roles?"

you cant! but why do you need to? a core part of the trans experience is experimenting with gender, stereotypical or not. so many trans fems (including myself) start off by leaning very hard into stereotypical femininity because they are things that many of us have not previously explored. and then a core part of that journey is learning that there is no right way to explore gender. i spent years leaning into being femme until i realized i was more comfortable with a little bit of fluidity and androgyny. i think the most authentic experience would be to have her explore femininity, stereotypical or not, and then eventually coming to terms with how she is a woman outside of stereotypical femininity. two experiences that i think might be a good way to introduce this concept is one, the gender affirming experience of being included as one of the girls. there's a lot of nuance to that experience that people dont necessarily consider. there is the self doubt of, oh am i really one of the girls or are they just humoring me? and also for some there is the need to feel like they need to confirm to expectations of femininity, and leaning too hard into it.

second, the experience of experiencing misogny for the first time. i specifically say misogny because a lot of trans women have face homophobia and transphobia before they experience misogyny that validates them as a woman and for many people there can be this sudden awareness of how different the world is when you move through it as a woman. there is your typical run of the mill, this guy is a dick misogny but then there is also that experience of facing internalized misogny from other women. the experience of being told by cis women how to engage with femininity because a lot of cis women haven't deconstructed that for themselves is an experience that can be particularly hurtful because it is infantilization and misogny that is also incredibly invalidating.

third, when youre talking about gender affirming experiences from pre-transition, there's a lot of nuance to those experience because while they are gender affirming, there is confliction too. for some theres the question of why do i like this? and you also have to consider that many times those experiences that happen to a person who sees themselves as a boy. there is a level of separation from the experience because they havent necessarily embraced transness yet, and if they have, theres tentativeness because being in your teens is all about forming identity.

if you can capture these experiences in your writing, then fantastic! but also these are hard to capture because often times it takes lived experience to write it with nuance. love these questions and happy to answer! good luck with your writing!

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

One thing that still gets my blood boiling is some people telling the traumatised students to just 'get over it', leave their abusers, or to hurt/kill their tormentors as if it's a walk in the park. Um, hello? That's not how trauma works.

Yeeeah, I find that kinda iffy as well 😬 I don’t feel that it’s quite “right” (for lack of a better term) to judge/compare people’s (/character’s) pain resulting from trauma, or to tell them how they should “fix” said trauma or whatever bad situation they may be in.

**Please note: the rest of this discussion will include mentions of victim blaming and gaslighting; please proceed with caution.***

The problem with doing any of that (even if it is done out of concern or a desire to help people) is that it comes off as like… belittling the victim or downplaying the problem at times?? Like, if you compare traumatic experiences, it can imply that one is “lesser than” or isn’t as serious as the other when the circumstances are just as serious to each victim. (I see this happen most commonly with Vil and Azul; they both experienced bullying in their youth, but for whatever reason people tend to think Vil somehow had it "easy" compared to Azul.) That’s so disheartening and invalidating for any victim to hear. It makes them feel isolated and alone, because the people around them are implying their circumstances aren’t that bad. In reality, it’s not up to onlookers to decide how distressing or disturbing an experience is to someone else.

Telling them what to do is just as unhelpful because it takes away the autonomy of the victim, and the advice given is often unrealistic and unable to actually be carried out. (As another example, the advice I see most often is "Jamil should have just told Kalim he was unhappy with his position and Kalim would have helped him; rarely do fans consider that the Viper family's livelihood would be in jeopardy and Jamil would live in perpetual shame and guilt if he dared to speak out.) How can Jamil and Leona just “get over” a whole life of being put down? How can Riddle just walk out on his mother when he doesn’t have any means to support himself and struggles to even talk back to her? How can it be said that Vil has it better than Azul when both of them were clearly hurt by the bullying they received as children? How can one rush Idia’s grieving process or Malleus’s struggle to accept change and mortality? And if any of them are encouraged to act out in violence, what are the repercussions of that?

We oftentimes forget that, despite Twisted Wonderland taking place in a world with nonsensical elements like magic, the way it chooses to address problems is actually very much grounded in reality. For example, the end of every main story episode isn't really "the end" or a "resolution". Those terms imply that the problem is over when the episode is when it's really not. We proceed in the story with an awareness that the characters we saw last time are still struggling with the trauma they had before. They aren't "fixed" just because they were given good advice or they were beaten in battle until they came to their senses. Their problems didn't magically poof away, the victims are still working on overcoming their horrific experiences and not letting it have power over them. This is a very realistic depiction of trauma and how victims live and have to cope with it in their everyday lives.

A lot of the things the OB boys experiences are things that people irl have as well. This is, in part, what makes them such memorable and relatable characters, and why people may look to them for comfort or to help cope with their own trauma--so they don't feel alone. At the same time, it is because of this closeness and relatability that it can be hurtful when others make comments that talk down to the OB boys and their trauma. It's not always discussed in a mindful manner. Sometimes it's spoken about in a way that sounds like victim-blaming or gaslighting. It's almost as if to imply, "look, it's actually SO easy to fix your problem, so the fact that it has gone on for as long as it has is actually your fault", or, “you're in a much better situation than Person B is, so be grateful!” Unfortunately, it's reflective of behavior demonstrated in real life, with people either doubting or not believing victims,or acting like they know better than the person who has actually gone through something traumatic.

Whether you find yourself relating to the OB boys or not... Whether you have experienced something you deem traumatic for yourself or not... I think it would be nice if we were just a bit more respectful when it comes to talking about these matters 🥲 It shouldn't be a competition where we're sitting around ranking whose trauma is "the worst" (I have literally been sent an ask like this before and it made me extremely uncomfortable💦) or giving unsolicited, unrealistic advice the characters couldn't actually take. We can realize how damaging their individual experiences have been for them and wish them all the best without putting down others' experiences or talking down to them in the process.

[morsobaby]

Reminder that gays and lesbians and all same gender attracted people are allowed to have a complex, weird, contradictory and nuanced relationship to their gender identity and nobody's allowed to argue about that. If another gay person doesn't fit your preference move on. Transmasc lesbians and Transfem gays aren't your enemy. Nonbinary lesbians are nonbinary, yes, even if that means bigender, Xenogender, agender, genderfluid. Yes, even if that means they sometimes identify as heteros, bisexuals pansexuals or other multisexuals due to their gender identity. These people are enjoying the full spectrum of the rainbow and you should rather admire them than throw rocks.

Oh, and yes, even if they AREN'T hetero, bi, Pan or other multi orientation where their gender is concerned. If a genderfluid lesbian is most comfortable labeling as a lesbian (regardless of their current gender status) that's none of your fucking business. They're entitled to their preferences the same as you are to yours. "I wouldn't date someone like that, it'd cause me dysphoria/discomfort/ect or make me feel invalidated" okay, that's completely okay. Don't invalidate or cause discomfort or dysphoria on those people then. If two people are comfortable in their identities and care for each other, it's not your place to police their relationship with each other. It's not hurting other gays if two people who identify as gay but have contradicting gender identities love each other. That is a good thing actually? People caring for each other despite or bc of their differences and finding solidarity and comfort in each other regardless of labels, whilst still acknowledging and identifying with them. People can (but don't have to) change their labels when they're dating someone. Wasn't the whole point to break down the barriers of who is and isn't allowed to date each other based on arbitrary standards or gender boundaries. This is about consenting adults who love each other.

People are allowed to exist as being simultaneously mlm and wlw, nonbinary and other gendered people can and do form relationships with heteros and that's okay. Someone can be gay in one aspect and straight in another. Dykes have been boyfriends to girls only for years. Fags have been girlfriends to other boys for years. Transmascs and lesbians have loved and supported each other for years. And yes, dated too.

When you say gender is complex, when you say sexuality and orientation is complex, do you mean it? Or are you just saying that with a side of "When it fits these boundaries obviously"?

I mean it. Questioning people, genderweird and dual people deserve the same respect as any other queer people.

This post includes aces and aros who date and form qprs, and this all also applies to them. It's people's own business what relationships they form in regards to their identities.

[compassionatereminders]

[vent/possible advice bid but no pressure, cw: suicide ideation (others'), cw: possible friend loss (social, not death)]

Hi Kat. It's been a dark week for me. On Sunday, my best friend of 15 years told me that over the past few months, I've been making him feel increasingly unsafe and miserable in our time together. We're long distance, but have hung out for years and confide in each other.

I've done everything in my power to support him through his depressive episodes. I listen, I actively sympathize, I encourage grounding activities and resources. From my experience with my own personal mental health struggles, I sometimes try to employ strategies that work for me. This includes trying to escape black and white thinking/catastrophizing.

---

Months ago, I went wrong by gently challenging his belief that an old, toxic friend group of his was more likely simply incompatible with him/neglectful of his needs rather than actively wished him harm as he believed. The surrounding details about those people would be another long post, but for context, they were people he had met up with regularly to play tabletop games who had a tendency to be rude/inconsiderate. I still emphasized that it was a good thing they were no longer in his life and that I hoped he could find a better group someday.

He stopped trusting me as much after that because he said I was invalidating him and he felt like I had tried to gaslight him. I told him I was only doing my best to judge the situation with what I could gather, that of course he had the full picture, but surely it'd be better for his mental health to not think that his old DnD group actively wanted to make him miserable.

---

Since then, he's been less comfortable with me disagreeing with him about anything, even if it's something neutral that would have started a fun, animated discussion in the past.

Everything came to a head on Sunday when he said he wished he had killed himself years ago and did not believe he had much hope for a fresh start. When I obviously responded that there is always a chance for a fresh start, he accused me of gaslighting him. He threatened to self harm because of my words and acted like I was betraying him by disagreeing with his suicide ideation.

I feel like I've somehow failed him, but I'm not sure what else I was supposed to do. I told him that I still want to be friends with him, but don't want him to feel unsafe with me, so that he should take his time and assess what he needs from our friendship if he wishes to continue it at all. He's still coming online, so I'm glad he hasn't done anything, but I'm not sure what happened. He's lost other online friends this year in a similar way (accusations of invalidation/gaslighting/betrayal over a disagreement), so it's likely a mental health issue I have no say over from thousands of miles away, but I'm still feeling very lost. I was/am? his last remaining friend outside of his family.

I'm not sure what else I could have done. Is there some special middle ground I could have found that validated his thoughts while also stopping a negative thoughts spiral?

I honestly don't think there's anything you could have done. It sounds like he's in a really dark place, and when you're actively looking for the bad angle on everything and refuse any attempt at nuance, you will find your reasons to distrust people and distance yourself regardless of how kind and genuine their intentions are. This conflict is likely not about you or anything you did wrong, but about him projecting his own issues onto you, and I think the best thing you can do is try not to take it personally. Especially if this is happening in all his relationships and not just in relation to you

[nozomi-kaizoku]

"Luca, your behavior is concerning, you need to delete your vent account!!!! "

Yap Yap Yap, you're acting as if I'm even REPARABLE at this point.

I'm working with a therapist, YandereDev has already addressed the allegations against him (AND IS GETTING HELP FOR IT), and just because I identify as an incel/femcel doesn't mean I'm gonna suddenly become this misogynistic pedo who has the most fucked up views about women you had ever seen in your life.

Let me educate you on something:

Incel literally just means "involuntary celebate", which basically means you are not able to engage in sexual activity due to ostracization and shunning (which is my case due to me being borderline and autistic and having to face the stigma surrounding my disabilities), and Femcel is the female/feminine counterpart.

it was a movement back in the 1990's - early 2000's as a way of uplifting those who became incels due to them being in a minority group, but sadly the original movement was abandoned due to how commonly associated it was with genuinely bad people.

Today, most of the self-identified incels/femcels are teenagers with ongoing mental health struggles who believe this label fits their experiences. These people (including myself) do NOT associate with anyone with intentions of doing harm to others.

As for the intrusive thoughts about killing my teacher: that was the result of constant dismissal and invalidation of my mental health struggles and due to the ongoing stress that has caused me. (I should mention that in therapy, I discovered that one of my biggest triggers is invalidation, and when I get triggered, I REALLY get triggered.), but I already did a threat assessment and I am speaking with my therapist as needed.

Also should mention: I have spoken with yandereDev directly a couple times (mainly to ask him questions), and out of all the times we spoke, he has not ONCE shown any interest or desire to be in a romantic/sexual relationship with me, in fact he's actually been keeping his distance (as a content creator should with their fans), so don't say he's trying to "gRoOm" me.

And do you REALLY think I'm gonna ask him out now??? At 17 years old????? FUCK NO, that's gonna hurt both me and yandereDev.

I'm waiting until I am 18 years old to attempt to be in a relationship with him, and by then I will the age of consent, therefore I would be able to consent to a relationship with him.

And as a final note: the people engaging with my content are not doing it to "enable" any genuinely bad behavior, I have stated myself that people can reblog my posts if they find it relatable. And people are engaging with my content because, well, they find it relatable. They share similar experiences as I do. Are those people in the wrong now because they had experiences in their lives and saw my posts and understand how I feel?

Honestly, idc if you're "concerned" or not, but you can't force me to delete my vent blog because you're upset that I happen to have a space where I am comfortable with talking about my mental health struggles. Why are you even looking at it anyway if you're THAT concerned about my posts? It feels a lot like you're just scrolling through my blog and cherry picking the posts that "concern" you.

Fucking weirdo....

If you're that bothered, just block it. I can assure you that I am okay and will get help if needed.

Don't like? Don't interact.

Thank you.

[our-aroace-experience]

Hi! I just kind of... want to write about my experience here, I hope that's okay. This is sort of a vent related to my identity + aroace discourse so if anyone doesn't feel like seeing it, feel free to scroll!

So I'm most likely aroace, and I feel comfortable and secure in my asexual identity, but when it comes to identifying as aromantic, I always... just feel very conflicted. Am I aromantic? Most likely yes; I've never had a crush, don't have a strong urge to be in a romantic relationship, etc. and I'm in my early 20's so it's not like I'm "too young to know" or whatever else it is that people say to invalidate others' experiences. But I feel like some part of me doesn't like that part of my identity. I sometimes wish I could go out somewhere, like to a club or something, and have a sudden magical movie-like experience of meeting a girl and kissing her and suddenly feeling something new; or I wish I could meet someone, that I'm attracted to aesthetically, and truly start liking them romantically, like actually get a crush and not be able to stop thinking about them 24/7. I wish I was proven wrong about me being aromantic one day.

But also... I'm not sure if it's something that I actually want, if I could ever actually be in a romantic relationship and like it, or... if I'm simply aromantic and just don't feel comfortable in my identity, so much that I fantasize about it changing.

I'm also autistic so I suppose me not having any crushes might be related to that as well; I struggle with making connections and getting to know people in general. Also I can imagine a "type" I could have; I know who I'd like to have a crush on. But I've never been able to actually... make myself feel anything romantic. And when I think about the concept of how a romantic relationship is even supposed to start, how people just... apparently start flirting with each other and just decide to date? The sole idea feels so foreign and impossible to me.

When I was younger I feel like I was pretty certain I was aroace, and I was proud of that, felt confident about my identity. I think when it changed was actually when the "are aroace people lgbt or not?" discourse started popping up around 2018 or so. Back then, I've seen most people say that "being asexual and aromantic isn't enough to be called lgbt because you're not oppressed enough", many of my close internet friends included. Before that time, I always thought of asexuality and aromanticism as lgbt identities; didn't even suspect that anyone would think otherwise, so I was just... very surprised when all of a sudden I was seeing a bunch of people say that aroaces don't belong in the lgbt community (unless they're another identity that "counts"); it was like all of a sudden every single person was hating on asexuality and aromanticism, making fun of every aroace person who'd write about their experience, calling asexuality "boring" or "not valid" or "fake", talking about how aphobia wasn't real, etc. etc. And I think seeing that, especially from people who I considered friends, who'd always had "good" views on other social issues, made me be like: "Oh. Maybe what they're saying is right? Maybe I should get more educated on that and stop trying to invade other people's spaces?" I felt as if I couldn't have any say in the discussions, since I was aroace, and it was mostly people of other sexualities discussing it, people who "had it worse"; so I simply felt as if it wasn't my place to be like "you're wrong, I have a place in this community too" because... well, I was aroace - the identity that was being discoursed about and made fun of at the time, not someone who "had any say in the topic". And I think with time, since I kept seeing people go "aroace people are not lgbt" over and over again for literal years, I kind of accepted that and started... I don't know, thinking of my identity as "less"? Less important, less valid, etc.

Prior to the discourse I felt happy about finding my identity, about realizing who I am, I felt happy that my experiences were relatable to others as well and I felt welcomed within the lgbt community; I felt like I was a part of a community that understood, that was accepting. I was actually proud of being aroace. But after seeing all the discourse, I kind of... stopped feeling good about being aroace. I felt mostly ashamed of it; alienated from people who I thought were "like me". Eventually I even stopped identifying as "aroace" and changed it to "unlabeled" because now I'm even not sure who I am, because I'd prefer not being aroace. I know I wouldn't feel comfortable being with a man, I don't think so at least, but... I think I'd like to have a crush, I fantasize about being able to get a crush and be with a girl romantically, even though I never wanted any romance when I was younger. I kind of... feel like I'd feel so much more valid if I could just say "I'm an ace arospec lesbian" (or some other identity) rather than being like "I'm aroace but maybe not, it's complicated." But it's a thought that also makes me feel bad, because if I am in fact not capable of actually falling in love with someone, then wishing and fantasizing about the possibility that maybe one day it'll finally happen... makes me feel like I'm also invading other people's spaces. Which just sucks, and is not something I'd like to do. And I'm also aware that if I am just aroace and will stay single forever, I won't be in as much actual irl danger as other sexualities, like I know that. I know life would be harder if I was in a same-gender relationship and it'd be genuinely dangerous for me. But that feeling of validity, of feeling supported and accepted by an actual big diverse community... I miss that. And even though as of the last 3 or so years I stopped seeing mostly "aroace aren't lgbt" takes from other lgbt people, and started seeing almost everyone treating aroace ppl as a part of lgbt again, I still feel some of that... unsureness in my identity. I feel ashamed to say that I'm most likely aroace and I feel like I always have to add hundreds of disclaimers like "but I'm not cishet and maybe I like girls but I'm not sure, but I'm still figuring it out" etc. etc. in order to not be ridiculed, in case a person who likes making fun of aroace people happens to be reading it.

So, overall... I know this is probably such an unserious problem to have, I know people have it way worse, it just kinda feels like... even if I am aroace, I will likely never be able to proudly say it again with confidence, just in case it turns out that I'm not one day, or in case that's not enough for other people. Not sure if anyone can relate to that but if anyone does relate, or wants to add or say something... uh, yeah!

it’s very ok for you to share your experience here, that’s the whole point of this blog! i’m sure there are definitely people out there who relate to you!

[nalyra-dreaming]

We're not even gonna be told Lestat was the perfect husband all along. People are reacting to that idea, not the story we're going to actually get. Even if the drag/bite/fly/drop bit didn't happen (to Louis), Lestat still lost his temper and beat the shit out of him during a fight he should have put a stop to immediately. Hence six years of deserved groveling.

Moreover, people keep overlooking the more fundamental part race plays in their relationship. Lestat is sympathetic to Louis' situation, but he can't actually understand what it's like for him. Sometimes, he invalidates his opinion and/or feelings on the assumption that being older means he knows more about the world. It's a big issue between them.

Oh absolutely, and as you said, those aspects will stay.

They have been there. They are there. Obviously emotions are high on this. And it will be a rough season, because as I keep saying, season 1 was the family season. The... easy one, despite episode 5. Season 2... will be quite the different beast.

People should just... maybe get more comfortable with the idea that Louis did, indeed, as said by himself, tell a tale. And that he did so for a reason. And that not everything in the tale was as seen.

I know I sound like a broken record with this, but the revisits will be coming. Have been said to be coming for 18 months.

But as you said! That does not mean that Lestat will get a washed-clean vest! No. And he does not need a redemption arc for the viewer. He did lose his shit there, and it resulted in 6 years of dog-house. Obviously deserved, as he thought so himself. (I mean, he could have come back, Claudia being angry or not, like...)

It just means that the tale will shift. It will... include more, in a way.

Because we already know now that Armand did, indeed, tinker.

And it will be very interesting, imho, to find out what he did tinker with and why.

[im-tired1124]

I know I’m probably gonna get called, “too sensitive,” or a, “wokescold,” for this, but I feel the need to get this off my chest and just reassure everyone of this idea because I’ve noticed it a lot, and it really bugs me.

No, you cannot disrespect a trans person pronoun or identity because they did something wrong or you simply don’t like them, then go on to say that it isn’t transphobic.

Let me explain.

Recently, it was brought to my attention by my friend group that, behind my back, one member of our chat was intentionally not using my pronouns, claiming that I was insensitive, had a superiority complex, implied that I faked my issues with peer bullying and social isolation (all of which are untrue), and henceforth had no respect for me and referred to me exclusively with she/her pronouns. Mind you, though my preferred pronouns are they/them, I’m relatively indifferent to being referred to with she/her or he/him despite feeling that they don’t fit well with my identity. However, after finding out that he’s done this to more than one person, including our mutual friend, I feel like this is a decent Segway into what I want to say.

I am an undeniably flawed person, truthfully everyone is, but this is not intrinsically make me or anyone else for that matter, a bad person for that reason alone. Good people do bad things, bad people do things. And for that matter, no person does bad things, or becomes a bad person, due to their age, ethnicity, wealth, background, mental condition, disability, sexuality, gender identity, or anything else they likely don’t have control over. While yes, whatever oppression, or lack there of, may influence their personality, perspective and behavior, most assholes are assholes because they choose to be assholes. Not only that, But someone’s negative actions, no matter their moral standing, does not give you an excuse to invalidate their identity. Not liking someone, due to misconceptions or genuine wrongdoing doesn’t give you free pass to go, “Skibbity Salad, your pronouns are no longer valid.” If this is your response to a trans or otherwise genderqueer person doing something you deem wrong, why aren’t you doing the same same to cis people? If this is your philosophy, then when a cis man, for example, does something wrong, your immediate reaction isn’t, “Well I don’t like that guy, so I’m gonna refer to her as a she now,” but it is when that person isn’t cis? Please don’t misinterpret me as saying, “ we should misgender cis people when they do something wrong,” I’m saying we should misgender people, period. Besides, why are you more focused on invalidating someone’s identity than you are focusing on their wrongdoings, questioning why they did that, and giving comfort to the people who that person hurt, while also, if possible, helping that person down a path of redemption, and giving them an understanding of what they did wrong. This isn’t to say that there are some people out there who are truly irredeemable, but focusing on invalidating their identity instead of addressing the problem that they caused won’t get anyone anywhere. That’s my ADHD rant for today. Thank you.

[rainbowredcrayon]

Hello there! 👋 My name is Nate, I’m 26, and I am a Canadian living in Scotland 🇨🇦🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

I love teddies ����, rainbows 🌈, coloring 🖍️, toys 🧩, and you! ✨ I’m an illustrator ✏️, child-at-heart 💙, and stuffed animal enthusiast 🐾 I am shy & anxious but love making friends and talking to people ( as long as you don't mind waiting for a reply )

This blog is entirely SFW but I'd like to keep it adults-only for my comfort please! ☀️

🎉 Tags ✨

#Mine - Posts I have personally made #For me - Posts others have made for me #Others photos - Photos others have taken of my teddies #Friends teddies - Photos including my friends teddies #Partners teddies - Photos including my partners teddies #Ask - Asks I have been sent #Personal - Personal text posts, journalling, venting, ect

#Save - Things to look at later #<3 - Things for my partner #Inspo - Art that inspires me #SRF - Posts about Spirit Riding Free #Minions - Posts about Minions #Coloring - Posts about coloring #AC - Posts about Animal Crossing #Fave - My favorite posts

🌈 About Me 🦔

Hello there! 👋 My name is Nate, I am 26 years old, and originally from Ontario Canada 🇨🇦 but living in Scotland now 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

I work full-time as a professional illustrator, if you'd like to take a peek I post my art over on @natedraws

I am weird and that's okay ✨ In recent years have I begun realising that I am neurodivergent, accommodating for myself, and trying to unmask. It is a difficult and scary process but I am so happy to live as my true authentic self 🌈

My favorites ❤️🧡💛💚💙

🌈Color: Rainbow, blue, pink, red 🦔Animal: European Hedgehog, Shrimp, Pangolin 📚Book: The Velveteen Rabbit 🎞️Show: Spirit Riding Free, MLP FIM 🎥Movie: Mr.Magorium's Wonder Emporium, Jurassic Park, Minions, IF 🖍️Hobby: Coloring, reading, cross-stitch

If you do not want me interacting with you, you’re free to send me a kind message asking me to stop & I will ☀️ Or you should use the block button as intended ( no need to contact me at all! ). If you feel the need to be rude or cruel about it I ask you to take a step back and ask yourself what exactly it is you’re trying to accomplish. I do not check the source of everything I interact with because that’s just unreasonable : ) Let's just be kind to each-other and not mean with judgement 💕

⭐️ Special Interests 🖍️

🧸 Stuffed animals

🖍️ Crayons, coloring & coloring books

🌈 Rainbows

🐎 Spirit Riding Free ( not Spirit Stallion Of The Cimmaron )

🦄 My Little Pony

💛 Minions

⭐️ Mr.Magoriums Wonder Emporium

💕 Interests 🐾

🦔 Hedgehogs

🦐 Shrimp

🪡 Cross-stitch & sewing

📚 Reading

✏️ Journalling

🐎 Spirit Riding Free 💕

Spirit Riding Free has been a large special interest & part of my life for a long time. I can't describe my love for it but it's incredibly important to me and I love it with everything inside me 🐴💕 Boomerang is my favorite character and is very special to me. My collection mainly consists of pieces of him - I even hand-made a custom Boomerang Build-A-Bear 🌈 I hope to get a tattoo of him some day!

🛑Spirit Riding Free Haters Not Welcome🛑

I understand that Spirit Stallion Of The Cimmaron is a nostalgic & important thing to you, however that is not a justification to be rude towards Spirit Riding Free fans. If you wish to express your dislike for the show - make your own post, don't do it on mine 👎 And if you can't even recognise that Spirit Jr in the show is not the one from the original film - your opinion is immediately invalidated anyways 👀 At the end of the day - let's just be nice to each other!

💙 Minions 🍌

Minions is a newer special interest for me, since January 2024 ( so almost a year now! ). Minion Bob is my favorite because he's just like me 💕

🛑Minion Haters Not Welcome🛑

I completely understand that Minions is an unusual interest and also seen as "cringe" however that is not a justification to be rude towards Minion fans. If you wish to express your dislike for the franchise - make your own post, don't do it on mine 👎 At the end of the day - let's just be nice to each other!

[leader-wretched]

I'm trying to take a break but I just can't because this whole thing won't leave my mind. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I've just been reaching out to some people here. I feel like my side of the story is not being listened to and that I am being vilified for my emotions because not many people can understand or agree with me. I get that a lot. Maybe it's my autism and maybe I genuinely am getting everything wrong, but so far I haven't seen anything to disprove my suspicions. I've only seen the opposite and have had people insult me and invalidate my feelings. Nobody should be made to feel like they are 'wrong' or 'bad' for being upset about something that genuinely impacts them. Nobody should be shamed, insulted or belittled for speaking up and sharing their story. -------- I know I've made mistakes and I've owned up to them, but that doesn't mean I deserve to be ignored, insulted and belittled like in Afrothunder's "personal note" to me which is full of insults and misinterpretations. I never deleted any posts or comments, I never said Cube was a child, I never said the knights were evil and my 'tossing slander' at the characters while Afro was sharing unfinished comics during a livestream was only me joking. Australian humour involves a lot of playful 'insulting' called 'taking the piss' which is meant to be sarcasm. I never actually wanted some of the characters punished for their actions, I was only joking. (Except Blixer being smashed in the back of the head with the frying pan, he totally deserved that 100%) I was never insistent on starting conflict, I just wanted to ask questions and explain my feelings, though I know I could've handled it a lot better. I wanted to resolve the conflict, however when Afrothunder said sexual exploitation and non-con was her 'kink,' that was the last straw for me, which is why I reacted so poorly. For me, there was no going back from that, and those comments are inexcusable. Sexual abuse should not be normalised, whether real or fictional. Full stop. -------- People don't know what's going on in my personal life and I'm no comfortable sharing it because I've had my trust broken by people I have reached out too far too many times. All I can share is that I am autistic, I have depression and I am a victim of SA, as well as years of bullying and harassment all throughout my life for my autism and perceived 'weirdness' by people, on top of me being trans which is when the bullying got worse. It got so bad to the point that when I was in high school, I always needed a friend or teacher by my side to prevent me from being bullied, as it always happened when I was on my own. I have to disclose this, because all of this is strongly related to why I perceive things the way I do and why I react a certain way. I know I am 'overly-sensitive' and 'aggressively defensive' or whatever but can you really blame me for being like this after all I've been through? -------- I have explained my experiences with Afrothunder in detail in earlier posts. Some posts may not be available to you as I put a mature content filter on them. I made some posts worded in a way that avoids explicit details so they are suitable for all audiences, though there are trigger warnings for them. Posts suitable for all audiences: - My experience with Afrothunderxx96 - Introduction - Part 1: Before the conflict started - Part 2: Conflict - (No Part 3 yet) - Food for Thought 1/2 - Food for thought 2/2 Posts with mature content: (18+ only) - Initial call-out post (I will update this some time later to include screenshots of what I legally can include) - First reblog - Second reblog - Reblog of Afrothunder's post - Screenshots of DMs and server messages with Afrothunder Part 1 - Screenshots of DMs and server messages with Afrothunder Part 2 - Screenshots of DMs and server messages with Afrothunder Part 3 - Post about Afrothunder's contradictory statements (She claimed that what she said in DM's was her directing my 'hating energy' towards her so I could 'leave her friend alone.') --------

I don't expect or want everyone to agree with me. I simply wish for people to hear me out and try to understand where I'm coming from. When only listening to one person you agree with and ignoring the other which you do not, there is an even viewpoint and an understanding of both sides of the story. You are free to believe whatever you wish, though it is important to listen to both perspectives to make an informed decision and understand the full context. Also there is this one person who keeps reblogging my posts just to harass me, even though I've blocked them. You can either go away and leave me alone, or keep it up. By doing that, you're only digging your own grave further and showing people your true colours. -------- I didn't edit or rewrite any of this to have a more assertive tone. All of this is written now, as I am currently feeling so it all comes from the heart. Thank you for reading this far. I hope you understand my side of the story at least a bit more now, assuming you've only read this and not my other posts yet. I am open to questions, as long as things stay respectful. Thank you.

[hellomynameisbisexual]

My parents regularly sent me articles over the next several months explaining that attraction to the same gender was artificial, a new fad, and dangerous. All factually incorrect. While I had initially been very comfortable and confident that I had found a label that described my experiences and feelings, under this constant barrage I was forced into a cycle of constant self-doubt. This self-doubt included new doubts toward my sexual orientation, but also my relationship with my religion, my relationship with my family, my ability to be faithful to a significant other, and more. Over time, and by establishing boundaries with my family, I eventually overcame those doubts. The self-imposed isolation and self-doubt is a pain that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I count myself lucky for being able to resolve it without any permanent harm done to myself or my relationships.

Within the LGBTQ community I have experienced a less dramatic form of prejudice, but one that still isolates me and tries to control my identity. I have strongly felt pressure that I am not queer enough to belong, unless I date men or genderqueer people regularly. I feel pressure that if I only date people of the opposite gender, then aren’t I just really straight? If I’m not queer enough, then should I really have any authority or say about LGBTQ issues and representation? People think that I have it off easy, because I could just stay in the closet and hide forever and get married to someone of the opposite gender and just vanish. To that I ask, since when has living in the closet become a cool and lucky option? I will be judged no matter who I chose to be in a relationship in. Suddenly who I date has become a symbol of status within the community.

I don’t know when it became the business of anyone who I choose to date, but the fact is that by being bisexual I will live under constant scrutiny by people to see just how queer I am. People in the LGBTQ community will try to gate-keep and isolate me, and others, if we do not match their favorite vision of our identity. People outside of the community will be curious if I fit the stereotypes, send unsolicited invites to be part of a threesome, question if I am just trying to be cool or part of a fad, and judge how valid I am in my identity. Biphobia is controlling and invalidating. It is the attempt to force a person to match your view of who they should be, especially in a way that is convenient for you. Biphobia is the erasure of the third letter of the acronym, remembering people only as gay or straight. Biphobia is wrong. It is dangerous. It is the sexualizing and objectification of people for selfish motives.

The B is the third letter of the acronym, and I claim my right to remain in the LGBTQ community and live authentically.