#but comforting people should not include invalidating their feelings

[traumasurvivors]

I wrote a blog post about how harmful it can be to have your emotions invalidated growing up. It's here if you want to check it out! I'll paste the text below the read more for people who don't like links, but if you're comfortable, I really appreciate getting hits on my site! It feels really validating after all the work I've put into it. I've opted to not have any ads or anything to monetize my site, so it isn't like those annoying clickbait articles.

The effects of having our emotions invalidated while we’re growing up isn’t talked about enough and it can have lasting effects. This can happen when people say things like “you don’t know real struggles” when a younger person is upset about something they’re struggling with. This might include being told “I’ll give you something to cry about” which implied that the reason you were crying then “wasn’t a big enough reason”. Other people may have had to deal with “worse” problems and so we were told to be thankful for what we had because of what other children experienced. Your feelings of sadness, frustration, disappointment or anger were still real and valid. And you were allowed those feelings.

You may have been told to “stop being so sensitive,” which taught that you weren’t tough enough. You may have also been told “it builds character” which may have made you feel that you had to find a positive lesson in every bad thing you experienced. This can also be part of how people invalidate the seriousness of abuse, and other things that happened to you that were someone else’s fault. If someone doesn’t want to take responsibility, they may minimize what happened to you. They may say it’s okay because “they didn’t mean to do it” or “they don’t know any better,” perhaps because of abuse they went through. Your feelings may be invalidated because someone wants you to “let it go.” How serious they feel it was, or the reasons it happened, are not reasons that your feelings should be ignored or disregarded. Your feelings are valid. You should never have to “let it go.” 

These things that we were told, and many more, taught us that our emotions were bad and wrong. It likely felt invalidating. It may have been damaging And it probably affects how we see the emotions of others. I’ve had people say similar things to me now that I’m an adult, and I think it’s likely they do it because they were told things like these when they were younger, too. Over time, this has led to me invalidating my own feelings. I’ve told myself I should be strong and to avoid such feelings, or that the reasons for them weren’t “big enough”. I told myself that others had it worse than me, therefore I wasn’t allowed to be upset. None of these things helped me. Instead, they actually made me worse off. I bottled stuff up and then began using unhealthy coping methods to deal with the emotions. Having our emotions invalidated as we grow up can be traumatizing in its own way. It also doesn’t teach us how to effectively deal with and process our negative emotions. This can lead to people having fits of uncontrollable rage, spirals of depression and guilt, substance abuse to avoid feelings, and any number of other unhealthy reactions that can cause us more harm and prolong everything or make it worse.

Being unable to cope with my feelings was a big part of me not being able to cope with conflict in my relationships. Downplaying any “bad” thing that happened and ignoring it meant, for instance, I wouldn’t point out and deal with a small (sometimes completely unintentional) mistake. Instead, I let my feelings build without communicating about them and let my resentment build. By the time I acknowledged and spoke about my feelings, the problem was a thousand times worse than it would have been if I had dealt with it quickly. And sometimes it was too late to fix the damage done.

It’s not too late to learn and do better. You don’t have to be thankful it wasn’t “worse”. You don’t have to find a silver lining. While it’s important not to get stuck in our feelings long-term, sitting with them and feeling them and acknowledging you aren’t okay is okay! It’s okay to think something sucks or that it wasn’t fair. It’s okay to feel frustrated or sad over “small” things. Sometimes we don’t even understand why a situation or something has left us having such big feelings, and that’s okay, too! Your feelings are real and valid, even if they don’t make sense to you. And you deserve patience and compassion. Especially from yourself.

When you have negative feelings, if you find yourself minimizing them, or telling yourself why you don’t have a right to feel them, stop and try to be aware of what you’re doing. And allow yourself to feel it if you can. I've often had to remind myself that while it is uncomfortable, I can be uncomfortable and sit with my feelings. Think about if there’s a healthy response you can have to those feelings. For instance, if someone said something hurtful to you, talking to them about it might be a lot more productive than acting like you don’t care. Your feelings are valid. And invalidating them yourself is unlikely to be good for you.

Try to remember that, and try to be kind to yourself.

[brookslostarm]

Regarding the dinostar hate recently, I don't really think Darius did anything wrong. I get why people might think his confession was unhealthy, but put urself in his shoes. He got stranded on an island full of dinos at 12 and had to become the leader of a group of people older than him, a few months after his dad's death. He saw his best friends- Brooklynn and Kenji, get together and was 100 percent fine with it, even happy for them. A few years later, they break up and Brooklynn comes to stay with him for a week or so. He's never had feelings for anyone at this point, but that was because on the island, he never had any time for romance- always focusing on protecting his friends, and even after getting off the island- focusing on his mental health and DPW. But now, his dealt with all that and is at a good place in his life, likely ready for a relationship and focusing more on people he's interested in. Coincidentally, his girl best friend recently became single and stayed at his place for 1 week. It isn't like living on nublar since it's just the two of them. Feelings are bound to develop.

Now, his confession, a lotta people r saying that Darius is putting Brook on a pedestal, because he said something about supporting Brooklynn's work no matter what, but I don't really think that's true. The reason some of the audience is mad is because we know the extent of Brooklynn's obsession with her work, and so does Kenji, but does Darius know? It's not very likely, since Brooklynn doesn't talk much about her work. Also, when u get a crush, that too for the first time, ur gonna wanna impress them- say nice things to them, support them, etc. and that's literally what Darius was doing. He loved her and felt comfortable around her enough to say those things without putting much thought into it.

Another thing I've noticed is people saying that the "if he loved you half as much as I do" line is invalid because he left Brooklynn when she got kidnapped. In my opinion, that's just not true, he didn't want to leave her, he was just following Brooklynn's directions, and knew that if he stayed, him and yaz would also get captured. Also, didn't Kenji betray and lock his friends, including Brooklynn, in a room? I get that it wasn't his fault as he was manipulated by his dad, but I don't think it should be glossed over if we're using the "Darius left Brooklynn, and Kenji went back for her" argument against Dinostar.

As for the "he's dating his best friend's ex!" Thing, I get it goes against bro-code, but Brooklynn isn't just his best friend's ex, Brooklynn is also one of his best friends. They've supported each other through thick and thin and had SO much chemistry in season 2,3 and 5 of cc. Also, Kenji seems to be okay with him having feelings for Brook, based on s2 of ct. He doesn't seem to have any anger or resentment towards Darius and jokes with him like he normally would, even after knowing Darius' feelings. Also, a large portion of the fandom seems to enjoy dinostar more than kenlynn, and dinostar wouldn't be introduced in the first place if it wasn't going to be endgame. I don't think it was introduced just for drama, because if it was, it's gonna make even plantonic dinostar extremely problematic and unlikable, in my opinion.

That being said, I'm honestly fine with whatever route they decide to go through, whether Brooklynn ends up with Kenji, Darius or single, though I would prefer she end up with Darius. To the people who don't agree, I don't mean to cause any drama or anything lol, this is just my opinion. Ig we're gonna have to wait till season 3 to find out what happens😭

Maybe Brooklynn x Soyona tho🤔 their enemies to lovers potential is 📈📈📈

[briefobservationdreamer]

Okay, so JK Rowling isn't just transphobic. She's also aphobic. Yet another reason not to support her.

I mean, wow. Just wow. The irony. How privileged and non-self-aware do you have to be to find a nice graphic that explains and promotes asexuality on international asexuality day and go out of your way to claim in your retweet that asexuals are not oppressed while also deliberately invalidating and misrepresenting asexuals as people who just want to feel oppressed simply for not "fancying a shag" and "straight people who don't fancy a quickie". To add insult to injury, the aphobia in the comments is so blatantly apparent to anyone who understands and cares about what it means to be ace.

It goes without saying, but this is an extremely ignorant, tone deaf and insensitive thing to say.

Sex is still pushed as something everyone wants, an innate part of the human experience and a mark of maturity.

Asexual people do not get as much recognition and protection in society as other LGBTQ identities.

There are people inside and outside LGBTQ spaces that think asexual people aren't queer enough to belong in the LGBTQ community because they define the community as something innately sexual.

Asexuality does still get medicalised as a sort of health problem by some medical professionals, and is the most common form of conversion therapy that will be offered to an asexual person.

Asexuality is one of the least represented orientations in media, and even then there are cases of an ace character falling into negative stereotypes or their orientation being disregarded usually in shipping discourse instead of being given the same respect as any other orientation just because it's a spectrum.

In the UK, the Equality Act 2010 does not include asexuality as a protected characteristic.

As JK and other commenters have just demonstrated, there are people who do need a reminder that not everyone sees the world the same way and we should celebrate our differences instead of discriminating against them. Our world is still very heteronormative, amatonormative and hypersexual, and JK and people like her can take that for granted because, as an allo-cis-het white billionaire oozing with privilege and living comfortably within the norms of society, the world suits her just fine as it is.

I am past the point of caring what one particular white billionaire thinks about my sexual orientation, even if she is the author of a series I loved to read as a kid, but she is still using her platform to promote her bigotry. The one good thing is it will at least give us some exposure, so thanks for that JK.

Anyway, I hope in spite of this, everyone still had a nice International Asexuality Day. Ace identities are valid, no matter where they fall on the spectrum.

[scoobydoodean]

is there anything you're critical of Dean for? not meant as a gotcha, i just haven't been reading your blog for long.

i just struggle getting out of the Doylist perspective and holding characters accountable. i'm annoyingly cognizant of the external factors like them not wanting to pay Misha or having to cater to a sizeable portion of their audience that preferred the easier digestible, more accessible "two bros in MotW episodes" that didn't serve the overarching storyline or relationships or if they did, didn't take up that much air time or did it superficially (flashback to Dean being called overdramatic in 6x20 because they just didn't. get. it.).

I think it's clear that Dean and Cas’s relationship issues involving communication are an active choice made by the writers that don't just exist because Misha isn’t in all the episodes. If the writers didn’t want us to pay attention to Cas’s absences, they would establish that Cas consistently keeps in communication offscreen over the phone and that things between Dean and Cas are good when they see each other in person. Instead, they choose to do the exact opposite. They show Cas being avoidant and hiding in episodes he's not in and in episodes he's in too. They emphasize that Cas's absences are more than physical—he creates emotional distance—he hides and lies and keeps secrets when he feels ashamed or has become convinced that he needs to handle things on his own. This is a very core character hangup for Cas. It also doesn't make him a bad person. It makes him (for lack of a better word) human. His flaws are understandable and tragic and rooted in trauma, and one of the worst parts about the end of Supernatural is that Cas never gets to fully work through these feelings and have his eyes opened to exactly how deeply he is loved and that his worth is more than what he can do for others.

To be quite honest though, I think people need to become more comfortable with hearing that Cas isn't perfect without jumping to conclude that he is being condemned for being imperfect. No one is perfect—especially not our Supernatural blorbos. That includes Dean who is also imperfect. I'm not sure exactly what post of mine prompted this ask, but I don't actually think I've been that critical of Cas or condemned him for anything. I've only shined a light on some of his flaws—particularly in episodes where fandom has tended to ignore them and condemn Dean as The One And Only Bad Friend.

I guess I just wonder why it has always been acceptable to highlight Dean's flaws (even ones that don't actually exist) without ever mentioning a single thing another character did "wrong" to contribute to a conflict, but when I highlighting anything Cas ever did wrong in a conflict with Dean without a healthy helping of deancrit, people feel I'm not being "fair" enough. It's very clear that people want me to protect Cas more—even against the lightest criticisms— but I'm not sure why he's considered more deserving of that than Dean. I'm also not sure why a doylist perspective would invalidate Dean's experience as a fellow character within the story affected by Cas's absences and not an omniscient viewer who's thinking about how many episodes the writers can afford to put Misha Collins in (and again—I do not think a doylist perspective explains Cas's behavior—the behavior is intentionally written into his character for seasons upon seasons).

I'm not going to fight it if people choose to call me "cas critical" or "sam critical" because that's their prerogative. To be clear though, I don't prefer to engage with stories as competitions where we count up who did the most wrong things and assign that person as The Bad Character Among The Good Characters. I can understand if it looks that way from an outsider's perspective, but I'm actually reacting to fandom largely deciding to engage with Supernatural as if it should be consumed as a story about The Bad Character Among The Good Characters and deciding that The Bad Character Among The Good Characters is Dean. I'm far less critical of Sam or Cas than I'll ever be of fandom’s need to make everything about keeping score of who did the most wrong stuff. It can be fun to shitpost about it to piss of crits, but the actual point of the story isn't to figure out which one did the most bad things and "hold them accountable".

[sysmedsaresexist]

Hello there!

Im coming from a place of genuine curiosity; I have a genuine interest in Psychology but im still very new to the topic. At the same time I have multiple friends who are Plural, ranging from DID to Endogenic and I have been trying to learn to better understand em but also myself.

I am a bit confused with regards to certain stances or understanding what you are trying to imply, I apologize if this is something you've made obvious in the past.

You've done a 180 from your old Anti-Endo stance yet looking through some posts I feel like a lot of evidence you share would be against Endogenic Plurality no? Mind ya I know your focus is still mainly CDD systems so there wouldn't be much opportunities to share research on that, but im regardless confused at what appears to me like a back and forth on the validity of Endogenic and the stance the Plural community has on including multiple systems under its umbrella... or am I misunderstanding some things? (I do struggle with sarcasm so apologies).

Apologies should this come off as confrontational, im just a bit confused reading through the various posts.

You're not coming off as confrontational! Though I'm not completely sure I understand the question. I'm going to try my best!

The beliefs of the mods on this blog vary. We all have different ideas about how CDDs work and what's possible in and outside of them. This makes us a really great team for tackling some of the more complicated questions where we can showcase a few different opinions.

I think, generally, we're in agreement about a few core things.

CDDs are childhood trauma disorders. That won't change. That's just a fact. This is in the DSM.

In my opinion, CDDs are not plural and should NOT be included under the plural umbrella. I think lumping a traumatized and disordered group of individuals under an umbrella specifically meant for non disordered experiences is a bad idea. TPA, I'm looking at you telling CDD systems they're not allowed to have personhood for benefitting from a medical view.

Some of this shit hurts. Like not just hurts the CDD community, but it's a punch to the gut.

Also, in my opinion, and living comfortably alongside that, plural and CDD experiences overlap for some people, but this isn't universal and shouldn't be treated as such. It does happen, though, and those experiences are valid and should be respected. I don't go into conversations looking to change minds or prove someone is traumagenic, I'm genuinely interested in hearing about people's experiences and trying to reconcile my own beliefs and ideas with new information. Occasionally, this is a mutual exchange of ideas, and minds DO change. Sometimes mine, sometimes theirs. This isn't a case of turning pros to antis or vice versa with gotchas, though. I've shifted my mindset from arguing to simply sharing as much information as I possibly can. Everyone should be armed with all the accessible information. These arguments would be a lot less volatile if we all had access to the same base articles and info.

In my opinion, there's still a lot of rampant misinformation in pro/endo communities. TPA makes me want to tear my hair out.

My belief in this needed separation does nothing to invalidate endogenic systems, and doesn't say they can't exist. The misinformation I'm talking about isn't their existence.

I think I'm actually the only blog to have a post dedicated to links about the Stanford tulpa studies. I could be wrong, but I don't think anyone else compiled them for easy access and linking.

My blog is still focused on CDD research and correcting some of the myths and misinformation, but I don't think this invalidates endogenic plurality in any way.

I do, on occasion, post research into endogenic systems, but that isn't my focus. I would actually say my focus has shifted to interacting with anti endos to introduce them to some of the ideas that helped open my mind.

I am NOT the most pro endo system on this platform, but I am pro endo--

And I am trying to act as that bridge between communities with the best intentions possible. I know, I know, the road to hell is paved with good intentions, but I... ultimately hope that in the end, I help both communities, in my own unique way.

At the very least, I don't want to cause more harm for either community.

My unique way, though, does not discount the existence of plurality, it's just not my focus, and I'm still battling basic misinformation in the process, which can get... messy. At times.

I hope this answers the question, genuinely, feel free to come back to talk more!

[bloomshroomz]

I generally don't believe in policing people's labels, but is it fair to say "If you're attracted to me, you're not a lesbian/straight man?"

Because like. I'm a man, and people being attracted to me while identifying as a lesbian/straight man makes me really dysphoric.

Even if they're using those terms in a multisexual or genderqueer context (e.g. bi lesbian, lesboy) it feels bad. I understand identity is complex and labels are flexible, but terms like "lesbian" and "straight man" are still ultimately centered around attraction to women.

I don't think that identifying that way is invalid, but sometimes I just wonder. Do we draw the line at misgendering people you're attracted to? If a man you're attracted to isn't comfortable with you identifying as a lesbian/straight man in any context, is it wrong to continue to identify that way? Is it wrong for that man to feel that way?

I think that, at the end of the day, it's up to you to decide which labels you identify with. But I also think that certain choices inherently would misgender me if someone identified that way while attracted to me. Is that unfair? Should I just say "I don't want to hear about it"?

There are people who identify as lesbians/straight men who have been attracted to me, knowing that I am a trans man. I don't like that. I am a man, and it took a while for me to become confident enough in my manhood to reject terms like lesbian and sapphic for myself. So people including me in that anyway sucks.

[justascreamingcripple]

This is going to be a bit of a longer, more rambly post, so please bear with me.

I've been told about an issue with my one disability that is likely to cause a major loss of function sometime in the future. I'm probably going to lose a lot of (if not all) use of my arms.

And I don't know how to properly express my feelings and thoughts about it.

On one hand, I know that someone's ability level doesn't change their worth. I wouldn't be less valuable as a person (nor would anyone else be) if/when that happened. I would deserve to live comfortably just as much as people with any other level of ability.

But on the other hand, I'm grieving and scared. My legs already have nerve damage, and I lost the ability to do a lot of activities I used to enjoy when that happened. I don't know how I'd manage to cope if I lost the rest of the things I enjoy. When I first heard this news, I was considering suicide in that scenario. Not because that lifestyle (or situation?) is Inherently Lesser or something- but because I, personally, don't think I'd be happy. And I feel like there's probably some level of internalized ableism there.

And yet, I don't think I'm wrong (or I guess invalid) for feeling sad and angry and scared about this whole situation. Because I firmly believe that everyone's got the right to decide when their time's up- and should have the ability to die with dignity. And to me, that includes situations where they feel their quality of life isn't right for them. For me, 99% of the activities I like to do require my hands (though I'm sure I COULD learn to say, draw with my mouth). It's how I cope with the debilitating chronic pain. Same with writing (digitally and in physical notebooks).

I guess my point is that- idk, have any of my fellow disabled people got tips for going through this? Maybe how any of y'all coped with this, or how you worked on the internalized ableism (and perhaps shame) related to losing the ability to do what you most enjoyed? Any help would be very appreciated. And I'm really sorry if this comes across as like, bigoted (that's unintentional) or hard to read. I'm just trying not to spiral atm and it's hard to properly convey my thoughts.

[birdmenmanga]

Hi Soh! I just want you to know that as hard as this situation is, you are worth so, so much more than the way you were being treated. You deserve the chance to be seen and loved for who you are, not someone's preconceived notions about you. The people who will meet you where you are exist, and I hope your paths cross soon 💖

(also re: long hair. I know how triggering that can feel, as someone constantly mistaken for a girl because of it; but if it's literally any comfort at all, more than half of my feed is usually people thirsting over men with long hair. Which, I mean, also kind of comes across as "don't worry people will still objectify you 👍" but I mean it in a "not everyone is going to immediately jump to the assumption that you're something other than a man" way. I'm bad at this I'm sorry 😭)

WOW salsa you really did your homework to send this ask LOLLL either that or you lurk a lot more than I realized!!

Thank you so much for telling me that I deserve better. Sometimes, often times, it's really hard to know whether you're actually in a bad situation, or whether you're just being a whiny kid and actually you've gotten what you deserved the whole time. Obviously what I post on here is biased towards my point of view, but I don't think it's unreasonable to expect my partner to gender me correctly when referring to me even when I'm not in the room, for example. And sometimes I need a friend to go "thjat's insane bestie that's not normal"

I know a lot of people love me. Maybe not people I know in person, and even the people I do know in person, they love me in their own ways, too. I have a lot of amazing friends, including you, and I think I should focus on that instead of whether I deserve/can find a partner. I have a bad habit of falling into relationships one way or another because I get touch-starved so easily, and I fall in love very easily too, but I really think I should stay away this time until I at least start medically transitioning in some way.

Also I totally understand what you're trying to get at with the last paragraph. Haircuts shouldn't be gendered, basically! Men can also have long hair and therefore having long hair doesn't invalidate that aspect of my identity. Multiple people have suggested that I get a wig, but even so, I could just... not listen to my mom LOL. I think I'll ask around and make sure it's safe, but I think we're at a time where it's probably okay for me to have short hair. I really don't think my chances at getting an apartment are going to be hurt to be honest

[saintjosie]

hi!! fanfic writing person here again :D

i've been looking at a ton of stuff and first like. damn i didn't expect me headcanoning a character as transfem to lead me down a rabbit hole where i now 1. have loads of random knowledge on transfem issues and 2. have a massive amount of respect for transfem people and understanding of the differences in experience of different trans people. wonderful actually. your stuff has been super helpful tysm

actual question! how do i go about using femininity as a marker of transition without falling into gender roles? do you think that's disrespectful? because like. wearing makeup, 'feminine' clothes, that kind of thing-- functionally no bearing on someone's womanhood. but those are, to my understanding, big hallmarks of transfem experiences. i don't want to say that wearing makeup or a dress makes her suddenly feel wonderful and pretty and solves all her woes, but i also don't want to downplay the significance of that experience. ideally, how do you think those should be balanced? basically how do i make her feminine without it seeming like a certain level of femininity is required to be trans.

generally, are there any experiences you think would be helpful to know? i'm writing a lot about her (currently two fics on different effects of HRT as an adult, and two on her gender being affirmed as a teen when she had taken basically no steps in her transition) so any insight is helpful. ideally what would you want portrayed in a non-transfem author writing a trans girl? idk!

i understand that these are very big asks so once again don't feel pressured to reply-- thank you regardless! generally looking at your content as a trans woman has been super helpful so thank you so much for sharing <3 best wishes!

"how do i go about using femininity as a marker of transition without falling into gender roles?"

you cant! but why do you need to? a core part of the trans experience is experimenting with gender, stereotypical or not. so many trans fems (including myself) start off by leaning very hard into stereotypical femininity because they are things that many of us have not previously explored. and then a core part of that journey is learning that there is no right way to explore gender. i spent years leaning into being femme until i realized i was more comfortable with a little bit of fluidity and androgyny. i think the most authentic experience would be to have her explore femininity, stereotypical or not, and then eventually coming to terms with how she is a woman outside of stereotypical femininity. two experiences that i think might be a good way to introduce this concept is one, the gender affirming experience of being included as one of the girls. there's a lot of nuance to that experience that people dont necessarily consider. there is the self doubt of, oh am i really one of the girls or are they just humoring me? and also for some there is the need to feel like they need to confirm to expectations of femininity, and leaning too hard into it.

second, the experience of experiencing misogny for the first time. i specifically say misogny because a lot of trans women have face homophobia and transphobia before they experience misogyny that validates them as a woman and for many people there can be this sudden awareness of how different the world is when you move through it as a woman. there is your typical run of the mill, this guy is a dick misogny but then there is also that experience of facing internalized misogny from other women. the experience of being told by cis women how to engage with femininity because a lot of cis women haven't deconstructed that for themselves is an experience that can be particularly hurtful because it is infantilization and misogny that is also incredibly invalidating.

third, when youre talking about gender affirming experiences from pre-transition, there's a lot of nuance to those experience because while they are gender affirming, there is confliction too. for some theres the question of why do i like this? and you also have to consider that many times those experiences that happen to a person who sees themselves as a boy. there is a level of separation from the experience because they havent necessarily embraced transness yet, and if they have, theres tentativeness because being in your teens is all about forming identity.

if you can capture these experiences in your writing, then fantastic! but also these are hard to capture because often times it takes lived experience to write it with nuance. love these questions and happy to answer! good luck with your writing!

[hedwigoprah]

I'm feeling a touch nostalgic today going through my old writing, so here have my favorite chapter of Window Seat Rated G no warnings hurt/comfort 2,606 words

The atmosphere today, how to describe it.

Laughter came from the second story landing as Emmrich mused to himself adding to his ever growing list of mental notes. The laughter was followed immediately by a groan of frustration and a thud.

Perhaps, hysterical?

Tense? Certainly.

Unkempt? Undoubtedly.

Unmanageable? Not in the slightest.

“This is so frustrating.” Was the declaration that greeted him as he reached the top of the stairs. “You know what?” He was sure this would be rhetorical. “I think correspondence is ridiculous. There is so much magic in the world and you’re telling me there’s no other way for me to provide updates for the tens of people I answer to?”

“I think you’re doing quite well. The letters are almost legible this time.”

Veryl’s head snapped up as she glared at him from the small table set in front of the window seat. The poor girl had become an invalid a couple of weeks ago now, and was semi-handicapped by her right arm. He reclaimed his seat that had been moved closer to the table, refreshing his cup of tea and topping off hers.

“The Watchers didn’t include ambidextrous writing in their training.”

“An egregious oversight on their part.” He only teased her because he knew that letting her wallow would be worse. Yes, he could manage this.

Veryl reached up to put her hand beneath where the sling was tied around her neck, trying to mitigate the rubbing that was eating away at the delicate skin there. Emmrich watched as she swallowed another bout of frustration. Neve, who was leading in her stead while she recovered, had just dropped in to give an update on where things were. She was trying to track down one of her contacts, having taken Lucanis and Taash with her. They were having no luck so far, but hopping through an Eluvian was quicker than a letter as Veryl had just pointed out. That team was back out following new leads.

Harding had taken Bellara and Davrin back to Arlathan Forest to help solve some problems the Veil Jumpers were having. They hadn’t heard from them recently, but all of the absences made the usual lighthouse bustle cease completely. Emmrich had offered to stay with a decidedly surly Rook while she recovered. He would leave, of course if they should require his assistance, but they had decided amongst themselves that perhaps he would be the best option.

“You get too close to one knife, one time…” She was grumbling again, but still diligently trying to write neatly.

Had it been so simple they probably wouldn’t have to occupy her to such a degree and divvy up tasks for the field. It had been gruesome. What was “too close” had been deeply embedded in her upper right arm, the knife had been jagged and had lodged itself into her bicep muscle, tearing through the ligature. It was a horror trying to remove it. Rook had passed out from the pain and was later artificially sedated.

Typically, injuries could be worked on with a healer, and the Veil Jumpers had been kind enough to offer one. It was the only support their team lacked. However, the healer at the Veil Jumper camp had their hands full with the current bout of attacks and couldn’t give Rook more time than an initial fix. This is what Harding’s group was trying to help them combat.

So, while Rook had laid in the infirmary here at the lighthouse, the rest of the team met. In the kitchen. On the other side of the island. Where they went when they needed to decide things without her. It had been a soft suggestion at first when she woke up. Neve and Harding had briefed her on what was going on beyond the fade and how they could be of use. Veryl didn’t waste time trying to get dressed and pack her gear. But she was a smart girl, arriving at the same conclusion they had the night before. This had halted her movements, pants only half way up her legs.

“I wouldn’t be a very good leader if you guys couldn’t operate without me.” She was saying as they eased her back to the bed and Emmrich pushed through the infirmary door. He carried a tray of supplies and tea things. Neve’s fingers were brushing through Rook’s hair as she sat on her right, and Harding held her hand from the left.

“We’ll make sure to keep you updated on what’s going on.” Neve assured her as he placed the tray on the table beside her bed.

“It’s us, you know we can handle anything they decide to throw at us.” Harding echoed the sentiment. “We won’t make any big decisions without you.”

They told her about who was going with what team and how they were dividing up responsibilities. “Emmrich is staying behind to help tend to your arm.” Neve had explained.

“Between the three of us, we decided I was the best mage to handle bodily functions.” He chimed in. Rook had glanced at him, a skeptical look contorted her face. “I am perfectly capable of keeping a human alive.”

Harding pulled Rook’s attention back to her bandaged arm. “They were able to stop the bleeding and get the wound closed but there’s only so much healing magic can do at one time.” She looked at her apologetically. “Sorry, Rook, I think you’re going to be out of commission for a little while.”

Rook had nodded in understanding. There wasn’t anything she could do and Emmrich knew how she liked to hide any bigger negative feelings that plagued her.

Which is why he felt honored to witness her angrily crumple up several pieces of parchment at once and throw it out the tower window.

“What was it this time?” Emmrich sipped from his tea cup.

She was pouting now, having tucked herself into the corner of the many cushions covering the window seat. “I spelled my name wrong.” she muttered. Emmrich pursed his lips in contemplation. That would have been at the end of the letter too. 

Perhaps a distraction was in order.

“Come with me.” He stood, gently moving the table to the side. “We have work that needs to be done.” Framing the time they set aside for healing as work seemed to soothe her irritation.

Emmrich had come to understand, through discussion with cohorts back at the Necropolis, that Rook had always been a very enthusiastic member of the Watchers. It made sense with how intense and persistent she was, constant momentum was essential to her well-being. Being thrown into a sudden and dead stand-still was like watching her decay in front of his eyes. Not an unfamiliar concept to him in his line of work, but too soon for his liking.

Down on the first floor of the library, he made a space for her at the table. He had tried to keep the space clear but it kept getting covered in papers and books and trinkets and just, things. They had a routine. He would clear the table and she would remove the sling. She would sit on the table, and he would unwrap the bandage that kept her arm protected.

As he finished unwrapping the first layer of bandage, she cleared her throat.

“Your fingers are really cold.” She observed quietly. There wasn’t too much space between them and no need to speak loudly.

Looking at her from over his glasses, he paused his removal of the bandage. He was about to ask what he could do to lessen her discomfort, when she spoke again. “I don’t really mind, actually.” Answering before his words could populate. “It kind of reminds me of home.”

He offered a small knowing smile, before going back to gently unraveling the bandage. He had wondered, in passing, how different her coloring was when she wasn’t getting as much sun as she did here. He couldn’t imagine her warm, rosy complexion would be any less alive under the eerie glow of their shared homeland.

That was another of her facets. Providing life anew, even amongst the dead.

With the final bandage removed and discarded, Emmrich placed hands gently on her bicep, a breath escaped from her lungs as she steadied herself against the pain, brushing past his ear.

“Remember, just a light buzz for a few minutes.” He reminded her of what they had done the last several days. It was the only thing they had done until he felt the muscle was sufficiently repaired. Today would be different, however. The muscle needed therapy.

There was only silence between them as he worked over her arm. He noticed her starting to get a little restless, her leg was starting to swing, almost connecting with his shin every couple of revolutions. Barefoot as she was, it wouldn’t do her foot any good to kick him. He thought he would probably be fine. After all, toes were delicate things.

“Veryl.” He spoke to capture her attention from whatever she was ruminating on. She looked to him, expectant. “What do you like to read?”

She thought about his question. “I mean, you know all of the books I’ve been pouring through lately. Lots of histories and legends, myths and lore.” She just shrugged as though she was reiterating what he already knew of her.

“You borrow those.” He looked over his glasses at her again and smirked. He wasn’t blind, he had seen the space the lighthouse had set aside for her personal collection in his library. He hadn’t wanted to go snooping around, however. Trying to provide what little privacy he could to someone who had given up any semblance of it.

The blush was threatening to spread to her collar bones. She refused to make eye contact with him and the way blood traveled under her skin was pulling his attention. He cleared his throat and moved his eyes back to the task at hand. He had to rekindle some of his mana as some of it had dissipated in his distraction, this quick addition in power caused a surge of energy that caused Rook to suck in her breath through her teeth.

“They’re just some classics.” She rushed out. “And a few romance novels.”

It suddenly occurred to him that she might have thought that he was trying to shock it out of her, or punish her for taking up space, hence her sudden confession. He switched his left hand to a cooling magic to help soothe out any angered nerve endings. “My apologies,” he murmured softly. “That was unintentional.”

There was a smack and he was watching her again as she had brought her left hand to her face rather suddenly and with what sounded like violence.

He was smiling when he replied to her gesture. “There’s nothing wrong with fiction, Rook. I’ve read many a fantastical adventure in my time.”

He went back to focusing on slowing his magic and easing it out of her skin. He thought he heard her mumble something about his books not including words like ‘heaving breasts’. No, he thought he should let that one go. For her sake. He pulled his hands away from her arm, taking a step back to locate new bandages.

“Are we finished?” He didn’t miss the deep breath she took in as soon as he gave her space.

“Very nearly.” He made quick work of grabbing new supplies and returning to the table. He was not anxious for this part.  “Unfortunately, with an injury like this, part of the recovery requires specific training of the muscle to recuperate.” Magic could help speed up human recovery, but there was nothing quite like good old fashioned exercise.

“From this point forward, we’ll be including some of these in our routine work everyday.” He gestured for her to stand from the table. “It will make you feel like you’re accomplishing something, but you may not enjoy it.” She nodded along, masked with steely determination.

He walked her through various things. Lowering and raising her arm. Bending it gently this way and that. Nearing the end, she was sweating and he could see the tears in her eyes that she refused to acknowledge.

Placing his hand on her good shoulder, he guided her back to the table and helped her regain her sitting position there. He felt how her skin had warmed, hoping his cold fingers perhaps provided a balm.

“This is the last one we’ll do for today.” He braced a hand on both of her shoulders, pulling all of her focus to him. He held a hand out for her. “For this, you’ll need to take my hand and push up with everything you have. I’m going to push down just a bit. It’s going to burn, but this will help to rebuild what’s been taken from you.”

He tested the theory that making it personal, beyond her physical muscle and tapping into her inner strength should help to bolster her determination to see this through to the end. She did as she was told, placing her hand under his and grasping it. Already he could see her arm shaking from just being upright. He would only need to provide resistance for about thirty seconds to help this be effective. Time and repetitions would increase tomorrow, but for today, he just wanted to see what was capable of doing for herself.

As he started to gently provide that resistance to her push, he tried not to watch her face. He knew what he would see there. He had witnessed it countless times. That pure, unadulterated power that she harnessed in the field that helped her persevere against even the most dominant enemy. And she wouldn’t make a single sound. He provided small words of encouragement while they both focused on the task at hand, thirty seconds passing in a blink. He squeezed her hand, indicating she could release his.

Pleased, he turned to face her. She was breathing heavily, chewing on her cheek. She was concentrating hard, and in an effort to provide support he caught a tear with his thumb before it could roll down her face and she felt like she had failed. His hand gently cupped her cheek, thumb wiping away the traitorous liquid. He knew his hand felt icey against the blood that heated her skin from the other side. This time, he hoped it provided a distraction against any emotion she didn’t want.

“You did an excellent job, dearest.” He caught and held her gaze. “I know it was hard.”

She stared at him for a moment and he thought he saw her eyes glaze over just a touch, but the moment passed and resolve replaced whatever was in her eyes. She nodded and he mimicked the gesture. He quietly wrapped her bandage around her arm, letting her retreat into herself and recover without feeling like she needed to fill the silence.

After tying the sling, but before sending her off, he wrapped a length of fade-touched silk along the length that rubbed her neck. It would hopefully provide a barrier against any further irritation. He patted her leg, regaining her attention and gestured for the stairs, excusing her while he started to clean up.

A couple of hours later, he returned to the second story to check on his patient. He found her nesting in the plush pillows, arm cradled to her chest, eyes closed. Amongst the items on the table lay a forgotten quill and the letter she had thrown out the window.

Read more from Window Seat on AO3

[our-aroace-experience]

Hi! I just kind of... want to write about my experience here, I hope that's okay. This is sort of a vent related to my identity + aroace discourse so if anyone doesn't feel like seeing it, feel free to scroll!

So I'm most likely aroace, and I feel comfortable and secure in my asexual identity, but when it comes to identifying as aromantic, I always... just feel very conflicted. Am I aromantic? Most likely yes; I've never had a crush, don't have a strong urge to be in a romantic relationship, etc. and I'm in my early 20's so it's not like I'm "too young to know" or whatever else it is that people say to invalidate others' experiences. But I feel like some part of me doesn't like that part of my identity. I sometimes wish I could go out somewhere, like to a club or something, and have a sudden magical movie-like experience of meeting a girl and kissing her and suddenly feeling something new; or I wish I could meet someone, that I'm attracted to aesthetically, and truly start liking them romantically, like actually get a crush and not be able to stop thinking about them 24/7. I wish I was proven wrong about me being aromantic one day.

But also... I'm not sure if it's something that I actually want, if I could ever actually be in a romantic relationship and like it, or... if I'm simply aromantic and just don't feel comfortable in my identity, so much that I fantasize about it changing.

I'm also autistic so I suppose me not having any crushes might be related to that as well; I struggle with making connections and getting to know people in general. Also I can imagine a "type" I could have; I know who I'd like to have a crush on. But I've never been able to actually... make myself feel anything romantic. And when I think about the concept of how a romantic relationship is even supposed to start, how people just... apparently start flirting with each other and just decide to date? The sole idea feels so foreign and impossible to me.

When I was younger I feel like I was pretty certain I was aroace, and I was proud of that, felt confident about my identity. I think when it changed was actually when the "are aroace people lgbt or not?" discourse started popping up around 2018 or so. Back then, I've seen most people say that "being asexual and aromantic isn't enough to be called lgbt because you're not oppressed enough", many of my close internet friends included. Before that time, I always thought of asexuality and aromanticism as lgbt identities; didn't even suspect that anyone would think otherwise, so I was just... very surprised when all of a sudden I was seeing a bunch of people say that aroaces don't belong in the lgbt community (unless they're another identity that "counts"); it was like all of a sudden every single person was hating on asexuality and aromanticism, making fun of every aroace person who'd write about their experience, calling asexuality "boring" or "not valid" or "fake", talking about how aphobia wasn't real, etc. etc. And I think seeing that, especially from people who I considered friends, who'd always had "good" views on other social issues, made me be like: "Oh. Maybe what they're saying is right? Maybe I should get more educated on that and stop trying to invade other people's spaces?" I felt as if I couldn't have any say in the discussions, since I was aroace, and it was mostly people of other sexualities discussing it, people who "had it worse"; so I simply felt as if it wasn't my place to be like "you're wrong, I have a place in this community too" because... well, I was aroace - the identity that was being discoursed about and made fun of at the time, not someone who "had any say in the topic". And I think with time, since I kept seeing people go "aroace people are not lgbt" over and over again for literal years, I kind of accepted that and started... I don't know, thinking of my identity as "less"? Less important, less valid, etc.

Prior to the discourse I felt happy about finding my identity, about realizing who I am, I felt happy that my experiences were relatable to others as well and I felt welcomed within the lgbt community; I felt like I was a part of a community that understood, that was accepting. I was actually proud of being aroace. But after seeing all the discourse, I kind of... stopped feeling good about being aroace. I felt mostly ashamed of it; alienated from people who I thought were "like me". Eventually I even stopped identifying as "aroace" and changed it to "unlabeled" because now I'm even not sure who I am, because I'd prefer not being aroace. I know I wouldn't feel comfortable being with a man, I don't think so at least, but... I think I'd like to have a crush, I fantasize about being able to get a crush and be with a girl romantically, even though I never wanted any romance when I was younger. I kind of... feel like I'd feel so much more valid if I could just say "I'm an ace arospec lesbian" (or some other identity) rather than being like "I'm aroace but maybe not, it's complicated." But it's a thought that also makes me feel bad, because if I am in fact not capable of actually falling in love with someone, then wishing and fantasizing about the possibility that maybe one day it'll finally happen... makes me feel like I'm also invading other people's spaces. Which just sucks, and is not something I'd like to do. And I'm also aware that if I am just aroace and will stay single forever, I won't be in as much actual irl danger as other sexualities, like I know that. I know life would be harder if I was in a same-gender relationship and it'd be genuinely dangerous for me. But that feeling of validity, of feeling supported and accepted by an actual big diverse community... I miss that. And even though as of the last 3 or so years I stopped seeing mostly "aroace aren't lgbt" takes from other lgbt people, and started seeing almost everyone treating aroace ppl as a part of lgbt again, I still feel some of that... unsureness in my identity. I feel ashamed to say that I'm most likely aroace and I feel like I always have to add hundreds of disclaimers like "but I'm not cishet and maybe I like girls but I'm not sure, but I'm still figuring it out" etc. etc. in order to not be ridiculed, in case a person who likes making fun of aroace people happens to be reading it.

So, overall... I know this is probably such an unserious problem to have, I know people have it way worse, it just kinda feels like... even if I am aroace, I will likely never be able to proudly say it again with confidence, just in case it turns out that I'm not one day, or in case that's not enough for other people. Not sure if anyone can relate to that but if anyone does relate, or wants to add or say something... uh, yeah!

it’s very ok for you to share your experience here, that’s the whole point of this blog! i’m sure there are definitely people out there who relate to you!

[nalyra-dreaming]

We're not even gonna be told Lestat was the perfect husband all along. People are reacting to that idea, not the story we're going to actually get. Even if the drag/bite/fly/drop bit didn't happen (to Louis), Lestat still lost his temper and beat the shit out of him during a fight he should have put a stop to immediately. Hence six years of deserved groveling.

Moreover, people keep overlooking the more fundamental part race plays in their relationship. Lestat is sympathetic to Louis' situation, but he can't actually understand what it's like for him. Sometimes, he invalidates his opinion and/or feelings on the assumption that being older means he knows more about the world. It's a big issue between them.

Oh absolutely, and as you said, those aspects will stay.

They have been there. They are there. Obviously emotions are high on this. And it will be a rough season, because as I keep saying, season 1 was the family season. The... easy one, despite episode 5. Season 2... will be quite the different beast.

People should just... maybe get more comfortable with the idea that Louis did, indeed, as said by himself, tell a tale. And that he did so for a reason. And that not everything in the tale was as seen.

I know I sound like a broken record with this, but the revisits will be coming. Have been said to be coming for 18 months.

But as you said! That does not mean that Lestat will get a washed-clean vest! No. And he does not need a redemption arc for the viewer. He did lose his shit there, and it resulted in 6 years of dog-house. Obviously deserved, as he thought so himself. (I mean, he could have come back, Claudia being angry or not, like...)

It just means that the tale will shift. It will... include more, in a way.

Because we already know now that Armand did, indeed, tinker.

And it will be very interesting, imho, to find out what he did tinker with and why.

[mobiused]

yea i think your way of putting it that she doesn’t want to better herself sums up how i feel about her. i’m black and ik a lot of idols are colorist & anti-black, some are just better at hiding it than others so usually i’m not this disappointed. but w jinsoul idk if it’s bc loona’s concept screamed of inclusivity or bc other members (e.g. hyeju) have been outspoken ab going against the beauty standards but i still felt quite disappointed hearing that she asked ppl for bleaching recs. idk why but i never expected that from her, despite knowing what the beauty standards are, so i’m a bit disappointed.

i don’t think she’s lesbophobic tho, not saying anon’s experiences are invalid but there are just too many explanations for why she did what she did (including maybe she is not a lesbian & doesn’t want people to assume as such! or maybe even vice versa who knows) that labelling her as a lesbophobe just from that one instance is a bit unfair. also if she wasn’t in ‘hot water’ alr w the fandom would anon have reached a negative conclusion from that interaction yk?

like you said, i feel bad for her & i feel like from now on if she does smth slightly weird fans will assume she did it in bad faith. but also what she did was hurtful and she doesn’t even seem to understand why it is. and, like you said, she doesn’t want to know why. which is so jarring to me bc she can literally just ask hyeju ‘hmmm what made you start tanning?’ but she’s very comfortable w her worldview of idols should be skinny, white, & pretty and doesn’t really want to challenge it so i can’t really feel too bad at the same time

Yeah no I agree for the most part, I don't think she's lesbophohic tbh it's just kind of funny to interpret that from something that was probably nothing. She really needs to learn to challenge her ideas tho.

[gayhoediaz]

me throughout my entire life: going out in public and talking to people and interacting takes a lot of energy out of me.

literally everyone including supposed mental health professionals: mhm. because you’re shy and have a lot of social anxiety.

me: uh. no. zero social anxiety actually. not shy. have no issue talking to people it just makes me tired afterwards.

them: mhm. but there must be a rational explanation so it’s because you’re anxious. you must practice.

me: i have practiced my entire life it just created burnout, it’s not gonna change, this is how i work. i could get up on a stage in front of thousands of people and give a speech it wouldn’t make me anxious at all, i’m just tired after.

them: mhm. so you have social anxiety.

———

me throughout my entire life: *is quiet*

literally everyone including supposed mental health professionals: you’re so shy

me: actually no, i just like to listen and reflect on what’s being said, and i like to think things over. whenever i have something to say, i have no issue saying it, i just naturally examine things from every angle and i want to make sure that my words are a valuable contribution to the conversation.

them: shy <3

———

me: yeah so my dad kind of traumatized me, he would gaslight and invalidate my fee-

therapists and psychologists: you’re too sensitive <3

me: …and i’m afraid his new kids will also struggle with-

therapists and psychologists: they’re probably not as sensitive as you don’t place your experiences and emotions onto other people

———

me: i’m depressed

therapist: go to a spa <3

———

me: you make me uncomfortable i’m not ready to talk about this specific assault that just happened to me please don’t push it

psychologist: therapy is difficult <3 it’s okay to be uncomfortable <3

me: okay but i’m uncomfortable with you - like as a person. and i never agreed to this therapy.

psychologist: therapy is difficult <3 it’s okay to be uncomfortable <3

me: i-

psychologist: listen to the only song that brings you any kind of comfort while i stare at you <3 im sure it won’t ruin the song at all <3

———

me for 5 years straight: i feel exhausted all the time i feel like a zombie

psychiatrist: hm lets increase the dosage of this extremely heavy anti depressant

me: i don’t think i was ever depressed i think it was burnout but these meds just don’t make me feel good. i’m still exhausted i can’t get out of bed.

psychologists and psychiatrists: lets increase the meds and also you can’t just rely on medication, sweaty, you have to try also.

me: i am tryi-

psychologists and psychiatrists: no <3 try harder <3

———

me: yeah a few years ago i slowly decreased my anti depressants by myself under the supervision of my family and i feel like i woke up after 5 years in a coma and i am still catching up in life because it was all paused but i feel so much better since quitting therapy because it was just giving me so much extra trauma and frustration with constantly being invalidated and misunderstood. i completely support medication and therapy when it’s necessary but i think it’s harmful to look at professionals as if they’re gods who can’t do anything wrong. i do not, in fact believe that everyone should go to therapy.

everyone:

[bittyfromquotev]

Second controversial take of the day, bc apparently we're on a roll

but just with how some of the way y'all be talking, I honest to God don't blame bitty for throwing out the fact that at any point some of you fuckers could be the gore anons (which is never out of the realm of possibility, it's not hard to hide typing quirks or mimic someone else's). you act the Exact same

'bu-bu-but we don't send gore we're just-' white knighting? yeah. exactly my fucking point. the whole, "doing it for the greater good" and speaking over the actual people that want you to shut the fuck up. The Exact. Same. Thing.

With the g-anons, they do it in the name for defending solarmoon shippers by running 'fake queers' off the internet. they speak over other shippers, that explicitly tell them to shut up and fuck off.

And here you are, trying to defend the gore victims by trying to control and criticize how others chose to cope with the situation. Even though Several people including some of the victims want you to shut up and fuck off.

This isn't assumption either, this is fact. Your actions speak loud and clear all on their own, regardless of how you may try to justify them.

Learn to take a hint, that your opinion is neither wanted or asked for. it is not your place to decide what bitty should or shouldn't do. better yet, ✨it's none of your business✨

Congratulations for being a hypocrite btw and contributing to another actual problem in general fandom spaces. I don't even want to acknowledge the toxicity of unsolicited criticism, but you're doing just fine indulging in that topic all on your own aren't you?

[side note: "To that anon? Way to completely not read what I said at all." you sure do like to pick and choose what you read and complain about don't you? awfully convenient to miss the point of the whole paragraph. ironic considering you then go on to complain about bitty not seeing your dozen of points that are explicitly unwelcome on this blog. And that's not ever addressing trying to side with a harasser anon, not a good look. dare I say, blatantly obtuse if not worse.]

Seriously tho bitty, you and anyone else getting this bs (bc I doubt you're the only one rn) really should just block them the next time they try to repeat themselves. Don't matter if it's the same person, or 3 different ones. People like these are the how and why g-anons exist in the first place. This mindset is explicitly Dangerous. Which sounds extreme, but as someone who's been in more than 60+ fandoms for over 7 years, I know wtf I'm talking about. It always ends the same. Twitterhead whiteknights doing bigoted shit in the name of the greater good, no matter how well meaning, is how petty callouts come about. And when it doesn't stop immediately in its track, it snowballs and gets even worse from there - ❄

Thank you so much! Lmao I almost thought you were them because of how this ask started off but I’m glad it’s you :)

Yeah they—

They don’t seem to want to listen to me. They keep telling me the same stuff over and over and it’s funny yet irritating because I’d explained myself already (I know I’ve said this like 15 times but I need to get this point across). I do plan on blocking them if they ever try something though.

But like ❄️ said, I am allowed to cope and react to things however the fuck I want. I do my best to comfort or be there for my friends and those affected more severely, but I’m personally not gonna cry about it.

No one should speak for anyone else. I let the “friend” who abused me for 10 years speak for me a lot and it doesn’t make people feel good. It’s very invalidating and no one wants someone to speak for them.

Once again, thank you so much anon. I greatly appreciate it :)

[artsy-hobbitses]

I saw you replied to a message from a random asexual where he said that lately he has been less interested in your AU pictures and stories about two lovebirds in love. dude... you might reply a little harshly like "Do I look like I care about your asexuality?" he's just opinionated! Maybe he lives in a democracy so he often has unimportant opinions!? Maybe he saw a picture of a serafino holding a Pride flag earlier so he felt he wasn't alone? we have no idea what this guy was thinking! right? maybe he experienced some kind of trauma about romantic puppy love? so that when he saw your work, he found the medicine for happiness, he entered the party, and when he felt he was not fit for that story, he just stepped back while giving his reasons and some time in the future he would come back again to join that crazy party. And when he disappeared from the party you did a little bit of gossip behind his back.

I’m going to reply to you because you’ve actually put some thought into your response which I figure is worth addressing, so I’m gonna say this once;

If you wouldn’t come up to a complete stranger in real life to say it? Don’t. It’s simple.

I know the Internet has erased a lot of personal boundaries, but not every opinion needs to be heard. Especially in someone else’s space. I genuinely do not care how opinionated you are, my inbox is not your soapbox.

What’s the POLITE way of leaving a completely tame party you no longer want to be a part of? Like, real life party? You say thanks for the cake, but you gotta go because it’s getting late, or you just leave if you’re not someone the host even knows exists (which applies in this case), you don’t say out of the blue that the cake used to be good but now it feels lesser and that’s why you have to leave.

Asexuality aside because it’s literally a non-issue for me and not what this is about (the character they’ve latched onto isn’t even Ace, so that argument is invalid) what are you trying to imply by saying that? That the work put out for free was better before the shipping? That the host’s current interests has made the work lesser? “I don’t like romance” great! Literally who asked you in my inbox?

Why did you imagine for a second that the host of the party and the house you are free to come and leave needed to hear this?

Practice typing out something in the heat of the moment and then taking a few minutes to think about whether this actually needs to be sent in the first place.

Because at the end of the day, I do this for me first, and I share the joy of working on it with people around me; if you choose to live vicariously through what I do, that’s great, but this crosses the line into parasocial behavior. I don’t know this person, I don’t know of this person’s trauma—should it even exist—I don’t know if they’ve latched on to any of my characters as ‘comfort characters’,—which actually icks me out a bit especially if someone I don’t even know exists start taking what happens to them too personally—and that’s the point.

Outside of severe triggers, I am not responsible for accommodating or taking care of any of that, that is a you issue. Find healthier ways to cope and find the content you want, but leave the creators out of it.

For the record, I have met many MANY people—including ex-friends—echoing similar behavior in the past who try to wheedle me into doing what they want with “well it’s not as good as it used to be, it’s not my thing, I preferred it when it was X”. I’m not here to deal with that anymore.

If a small scolding is what it takes to ensure similar behavior isn’t repeated in another creator’s space, then yeah, I see no issue with it, and if YOU do have a issue with it, then just don’t interact with me any further. I don’t need a lengthy goodbye note to seal the deal.