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theerurishipper · 1 year ago

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A few more things because I am not done talking about this finale.

I know a lot of people think that this issue of Gabriel being seen as a hero and Marinette keeping the fact that Adrien is a sentimonster and that his father is Monarch is going to come back as a major plot point, or that Gabriel isn't really redeemed and that this isn't the end. And I'm not saying I have evidence that it's not going to turn out that way, but like... this is Miraculous we're talking about.

The show which famously tries to offer sympathy to bad people because of their tragic backstory by:

Trying to half-assedly "redeem" Natalie into some kind of super mother figure for Adrien, even though she enabled and participated in his abuse for years and never showed remorse for it, or even took accountability for it. Her callously killing Sentibug is never brought up again either. And she still does not give Adrien the Amok that helps him choose for himself or tell him he is a sentimonster, and yet is framed as a good parental figure for him.

Trying to redeem Andre Bourgeois and frame him as some kind of great person by having him adopt Zoe and send Chloe to live with her abuser by disowning her, even though it's his shitty parenting that let her get to this point. And letting him get off scot-free for all the times he abused his power as Mayor.

Trying to redeem Felix by glossing over such crimes as him giving all the Miraculous to Gabe, him committing genocide, him trying to ruin his cousin's life, him victim blaming Adrien, him returning Adrien's Amok to Gabe, and many such things. All because he had a tragic backstory and cared for sentimonster rights (even though he killed two on-screen with only regret for one of them) so that clearly means that he did nothing wrong and does not need to be held accountable for those things, even though he showed no remorse for it or desire to do better.

And the show which also famously ignores major plot points and leaves them behind with little to no resolution in favor of dropping new bombs on the audience, such as:

Choosing to ignore the Ladynoir conflict in Season 4 by having Chat Noir just push aside his legitimate grievances with Ladybug's bad decisions to continue being her emotional support partner. This conflict was not addressed ever again, even in Season 5, and was left without any resolution.

Neglecting any exploration of Chat Blanc beyond some obligatory mentions now and again to remind the audience of why the show needs more seasons.

The whole plot with the alternate love interests Luka and Kagami, which was built up across a whole season and dismissed within two episodes of the next season so that the writers could focus on the new Love Square drama they came up with for Season 4.

Luka's conflict about knowing Chat Noir and Ladybug's identities, which was written out in one episode, only for it to have been ultimately pointless in favor of having Kagami know it anyway.

These are great examples of how the show neglects to build up and conclude previously established plot points and conflicts in favor of substituting them with other ones and/or does the absolute minimum to somehow write them out in order to move the story forward and focus on other new plot points that they came up with for the new season.

From these, we can understand that:

Trauma is a valid excuse for everything, and a tragic backstory frees you from accountability unless you're Chloe.

And:

Previously established conflicts are not brought up or explored in any meaningful capacity in order to make way for new ones.

Knowing this, I think it's highly unlikely that the show will ever explore this idea of Gabriel not having truly become a martyr and a hero, and that even if it is the case, it will be neglected as a plot point in order to push this Lila thing to the front. At most, we will get a moment where Adrien learns the truth and instantly forgives Marinette for doing what his abuser asked because she did it out of love, and no one will question the implications of this in any meaningful way. This is because Adrien is not allowed to have feelings that inconvenience Marinette in any way, be it his hurt at her keeping secrets from him, or now her siding with his father and outright lying to him, because his role in the story is now that of Marinette's love interest and emotional support partner, and that's all he's good for. And as for Adrien acknowledging that Gabriel was a bad father again, combining the redemption that simply having trauma gives him and the fact that Thomas "Chloe is not an abused child" Astruc doesn't seem to understand the severity of such things, I doubt we will ever see him outright reject his father ever again.

For all these reasons, I really do believe that it is wishful thinking to expect this to be addressed in any way that matters. If it is not forgotten, it will be relegated to a single moment and forgotten after. That is, if it was ever meant to be explored. The writers of this show are... not the best at dealing with this sort of thing, after all. After all I've seen, it is not surprising to me at all that Gabriel was redeemed. There is a clear trend of characters with any motivation that could be construed as sympathetic or with a tragic backstory portrayed as being justified in their actions, having their actions erased and ignored or at the very least severely downplayed for the sake of making them out to be better than they are. Gabriel has been consistently given sympathetic scenes throughout the season, which culminated in this finale which absolves him of every wrongdoing.

And I know people feel like this is clearly not the end, but that's how a lot of people felt about the Ladynoir conflict in Season 4, and look how that turned out. This show has always been bad at dealing with nuance. An abused child is portrayed as irredeemable and evil, and her enabling father is portrayed as a good person for giving up on her (I don't even like her, but damn). There is a trend of demonizing those characters who really should not be, and offering sympathy to characters who haven't earned it. I have no trouble at all in believing that Gabriel is supposed to sympathized with and redeemed by the end. He gets his happy ending, he gets what he wanted, and his actions make the world a better place.

I've seen the idea that Gabriel actually lost floating around, but did he? He already knew he was dying, and he had, to some degree, come to terms with it. And in the end, he was clearly very happy with just dying if it meant being able to make his wish. His end is clearly portrayed as him making the ultimate sacrifice to wish for a better world, as one last good thing he does for his son. It's portrayed as him asking Marinette to hide all this from him to protect him. Of course, anyone with common sense can see that this is still really controlling and manipulative, but the show pretty clearly frames it as a selfless act. The line "all the times I tried to be a good father," isn't framed as the delusional statement it is. He's smiling in that scene, surrounded by light, and that's not the framing for someone who's supposed to be read as manipulative and evil at that point. The writers seem to genuinely believe that the man was a good father at some points. I've also seen others say that clearly Gabriel was not redeemed by the end because he refused Marinette's hand, but that's not really true. He did paralyze her, but then he freed her and returned all the Miraculous, and Marinette ends the season by fulfilling his dying wishes and letting the world know he was a hero. He paralyzed her, but then he also clearly listened to her. He was also genuinely emotional. Her words did reach him and it is framed as him making a "selfless choice" even though it clearly is not.

I've also seen people say Adrien's reaction isn't necessarily acceptance of Gabriel's heroism since he might be trying to cope with his loss by convincing himself Gabriel was a hero, or that abused children often cannot recognize that their parent is not a good person. And I agree, but that is clearly not what is happening here. Adrien has already expressed disgust for who his father is, and it is possible for him to fall back onto old thoughts and feelings regarding him, but that isn't what's going on here. This here, is Adrien being fed a lie that his father was a good man and a hero by people he trusts. This is Adrien being told what to think and feel, because there are statues of Gabriel being erected and Ladybug spreading the word that he is a hero. This is Gabriel's abuse being erased to portray him as good. And Adrien, after spending the whole season working up to calling Gabriel out, ends the season with hoping to be like him.

And I've seen arguments about how episodes like Chat Blanc and Ephemeral were there to show us that Adrien facing his father isn't a good idea because his reaction makes him vulnerable, but then... why would you write that! Why would you set the protagonist up with this plot point only to write reasons to leave him out of his own plot and character arcs? What about that is good writing? It only makes this finale more deserving of critique! It is not the defense it's trying to be. It just shows they couldn't care less about their own narrative.

I get that this could lead to a potential arc about trust and honesty and all that, but... we've done that before. How many times will Marinette learn the same lesson? How many times will Adrien forgive her for it? How can you even forgive something like this? And even if it all comes to light, what purpose does this serve in anyone's arc? Gabriel is dead, so there's no consequences for him. Marinette has been "learning" the same lesson for two seasons now, and not even losing all the Miraculous made her stop keeping secrets. And what more does it contribute to Adrien's arc to have him learn the truth later rather than now? How does it add to his story to know that everyone he trusts lied to him? Nothing, if you think about it. It really takes away from his story, because he can no longer confront the man who did this to him, he can no longer get that closure, because Gabriel is gone! Sure, it'll be dramatic and all, but that's all it is! But that is how Miraculous operates: shock value and dramatic scenes over consistency and character arcs. Which is why characters like Marinette aren't allowed to retain the lessons they should have learnt ages ago, and characters like Adrien are actively pushed away from their arcs to make way for some other drama.

And this is me saying this while believing they aren't going to bring it up anyway. How many times have we seen this kind of thing happen? For a conflict to be set up only to be ended unceremoniously with no proper conclusion? What reasons are there to believe that the show will actually follow through with this plot? Other than speculation, I mean. I don't see any. The ending did not indicate that there was anything wrong with what happened. The seasons prior set up the conflicts for the next season in the finale episodes. In Season 3, we had Gabe fixing the Peacock and Marinette becoming the guardian. In Season 4, we saw Monarch rise and Marinette lose all the Miraculous. In Season 5, we see Lila get the Butterfly Miraculous and that light that scared her or whatever it was. But we never see any set up for this being a plot point. There is no point in which we are supposed to think this is wrong. A set up, for example, would be something like Marinette looking to the Gabriel statue with a frown, or Adrien feeling unsettled somehow. But there's nothing like that. For all intents and purposes, Gabriel is done and there are new threats to move on to. And removing all that stuff with Lila, it just seems like it could be a solid series finale. The conflict is over, all the characters are back and together and happy, the main couple kisses as the theme music plays in the back in a scene that's clearly the sort of scene used in the ending of a show, and no one even hints at anything being wrong. It's all audience interpretation, and quite frankly there's no real reason to believe it's setting up something. Something was already set up and it wasn't the thought that this ending is in any way flawed. It's a charming, idyllic ending where all the characters are clearly happy and content, basking in the end of Monarch.

And what he did is not clear at all. Did he not actually rewrite the world? It seems like he just traded his life for Natalie's (and Emilie's???? Is that her?), because Hawkmoth still existed here, the Alliance rings still exist, which means everything happened exactly how it did, and the only thing that's changed is that Natalie has recovered. But this just makes the "clearly something isn't right" argument less valid. This isn't Gabriel's "ideal world," which needs to be fixed, this is just the normal world, where there is a statue of Gabriel only because Ladybug told everyone he was a hero. The things that are being done are completely against everything Gabriel ever believed in, so clearly the world is not based on his ideals, and it hasn't been rewritten. So, the only one really responsible for Gabriel being seen as a hero is Marinette (this is not a criticism of Marinette btw, just the writing). This is just the normal world, and the only thing that needs to be "fixed" is that Marinette should tell the truth. But the writers clearly think that Gabriel is fully redeemed, so there isn't anything that needs to be fixed. So why would they address this plot point again? They have no reason to.

And if he did rewrite the world, then the writers just made Gabe rewrite everything and everyone's memories so that he didn't have to be held accountable by anyone, especially the son he abused. That's going to be even harder to fix.

Any resolution to something I don't believe will be resolved anyway will undoubtedly a side story or a minor plot point. Remember, this is the show which is notorious for setting up plot points only to do nothing with them in the end. Everyone was so hyped about the resolution to Luka discovering both Mari and Adrien's identities only for the writers to decide Kagami fit that role better and shittily write Luka out in one episode. Everyone was talking about how Luka keeping secrets would undoubtedly have massive repercussions only for no one to give a shit about it and simply write Luka out for a few episodes and have him come back with no consequence in the finale. And this is a pattern for this show.

All this to say that no, we're probably not going to address this. It hasn't happened before, and I doubt it will happen this time. I've tried to give this show chance after chance, but it never delivered, and I don't trust it to do so anymore. I'll take all this back gladly if it does deal with this conflict well, but as of right now, I feel very confident in putting this post up.

#MLB #ML Salt #ML Writing Salt #Meta #My meta #S5 Finale

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randomreader92 · 27 days ago

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Hazbin Biohazard AU

Based on the AUs from @nunalastor's posts

Notes for pre-Baker Estate Alastor:

His smile is still present but less unhinged.

Alastor has some trauma from an abusive father and serving in the trenches as a Radio Operator but is still a relatively normal guy... for now.

Alastor is an up-and-coming radio host and waiter.

Alastor was roommates with his best friend Guy Winters, a detective, who went missing during a case. After three years of hounding the local police, spreading the word on the radio and amateur detective work, Alastor finally receives news via a letter written in Guy's handwriting asking him to come to the Baker Estate.

He comes armed with a hunting rifle since Guy is likely in danger.

Alastor does call Mimzy to let her know what's going on, just in case.

Notes for Beginner Baker Estate Alastor:

He thought he was prepared for anything. He was not.

Manages to fight off a crazed Guy with his rifle, only to get ambushed and then shot by Jack. By his own rifle, no less.

That Jack Baker is bringing back all sorts of repressed childhood trauma.

He is force fed the "Special Feast" Marguerite made for him before the cop can interrupt them.

He finds the Officer (an older white gentleman) through the window and tries to ask for help but isn't understood. The man is dismissive of Alastor's ramblings, accusing him of trespassing and maybe even being the one responsible for the disappearances in the area.

This experience taints Alastor's perception of the Police (not that he had a high opinion to begin with).

Despite his dismissiveness, the Officer is compassionate enough to give the clearly terrified Alastor a knife to defend himself.

Notes for Expert Baker Estate Alastor:

He is no longer terrified of the horrors around him, just so very tired.

Neither Guy nor Alastor was happy with their decision to “put down” Eveline, a severely traumatised victim of abuse, but the danger she posed to herself, and the world, was too great to be allowed to continue.

Alastor has a stronger psychic bond with Eveline than the others because he understands what she’s feeling. He remembers what it was like, being a powerless child surrounded by adults who are either indifferent to your suffering or active participants in it… and the catharsis of striking back against your abusers and finally having the power to take control of your own fate? He knows it all too well.

Notes for Post-Baker Estate Alastor:

After the Baker Estate, Alastor has a new mission; to hunt down those involved with the creation of the E-Type series and those who abuse the fairer means.

It is during these hunts that Alastor notices, even though Eveline and her Mold is gone, he still has a craving for human flesh and rotting meat. He starts making a secret meat box specifically for himself, so that Guy never finds out. However, Guy is a detective and figures it out anyway.

Chris and Alastor become good friends after the Baker Estate, Chris acting almost like an older brother figure to Al. Chris even calls him “a good guy” when Alastor confesses to his guilt over Eveline’s death after one too many drinks. However, Chris does notice Alastor’s darker tendencies coming to the surface as the years went on but is unsure of how to act on it.

Guy is diagnosed with a incurable lung condition as a result of the exposure to the Mold and poor living conditions at the Baker House.

Due to Guy’s fragile physical health, Alastor starts overworking in order pay the medical bills to the point of mental and physical exhaustion. They get into fights over it, with Guy begging Alastor to “please look after yourself!”

At some point, Guy accidently gets another woman pregnant. When the woman confesses that she doesn’t want a child, he decides to take the newborn in himself after discussing it with Alastor.

Alastor was secretly terrified a little nervous about living with a child, but it was love at first sight.

#my art #hazbin hotel #alastor #Guy Winters #Jack Baker #eveline #Chris Redfield #Rosemary Winters #serial roommates #resident evil #resident evil 7 #resident evil 8 #resident evil au #crossover #human alastor #me

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bookishwithathought · 6 months ago

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ACOSF Bonus Chapter Breakdown

Part II - Azriel and Elain

***IT IS LONG, BUT I WANTED TO DOWNLOAD ALL MY THOUGHTS ON HERE. IF ANYONE READS IT THROUGH, BLESS YOU. WILL CONTINUE IN FUTURE POSTS***

Part I: https://www.tumblr.com/bookishwithathought/749493410186117120/acosf-bonus-chapter-breakdown-part-i-azriel-and

**This is just me, analyzing the life out of the bonus chapter and all the possibilities. My thoughts and no one else's. If you agree, great. If you disagree, love it. If you want to share why you disagree, love it even more. If you are disrespectful while disagreeing, I kindly request that you move along and if you insist you will be left to argue with yourself**

How did I miss this important bit from the first part?

This implies that Az and his shadows are a package deal. The shadows are an important part of his character, his very being. Throughout the series there are so many comments and observations about the shadows, and if they weren't important then the author would have no need to give them the amount of attention she has.

BACK:

These details are important, especially since it's been established the shadows are an important part of Az's very being.

When comparing the shadows' behavior toward Elain to everyone else in Azriel's life, it's worth noting that they vanish in Elain's presence, or move in a way that implies uncertainty, insecurity or fear.

Elain was a social butterfly prior to being turned Fae, open and inviting, and this subtle forwardness seems to point to her being on her way to returning to herself, moving forward from mourning Graysen and her mortal life.

Azriel is letting his emotions override his reasoning.

To consider:

It can either be positive, where emotion leads to action for good, or negative, where it can lead one to ignore warning signs.

2. His conscience was warning him and he chose to ignore. His wants and needs broke forth, overriding his senses and dismissing any potential repercussions or fallouts from this decision.

"I want what I want, consequences be damned"

*Clearly Elain is attracted to Az, otherwise she wouldn't have leaned into him. We see her beginning to just want again.

(I'm redacting because I want to keep it as PG as I can)

Why wait for his shadows to go to sleep to allow himself this freedom?

Possibilities:

His shadows know it's wrong and would encourage him against it

Azriel knows it's wrong and doesn't want to have his companions whisper into his conscience

Azriel felt uncomfortable acting on his desires in the presence of his shadows and didn't want an audience

My personal thought: It's like hiding something important from your greatest friend who'll always be honest with you and hold you accountable because you don't want to be honest with yourself and you don't want to leave any room for your conscience to be awakened.

Personal note: I love the half-hearted attempt at resisting lol at least their conscience wasn't completely thrown out of the window.

Her arousal: reminds me of Violet Bridgerton and wanting to be "gardened" in Queen Charlotte (iykyk) lol. In all seriousness, this points to Elain being ready for love again. She is ready for touch, for intimacy.

Side note: Shout out to Azriel for still showing self-restraint, letting Elain take the lead on this. It's possible that he's letting her take the lead to appease his conscience, to be able to point out that he wasn't the initiator (not that it matters, at the end of the day, if you're still a willing participant. If there is blame to be had, you share it regardless of who started it) but I'd rather think the best of him in this moment, letting Elain set her level of comfort and pace here.

Trusting and hopeful and open:

Possibilities

Elain was ready to think forward, of the future, of the possibilities

Tied with her not knowing the darkest/roughest/morally grey parts of Az so she only has an image of him that's incomplete. Implies her desires for Az is incomplete because she doesn't know him wholly

Terrible...sacrilege...tainting...:

Possibilities

Az feels unworthy of goodness because he sees himself as unworthy of goodness

He idolizes Elain, putting her on a pedestal

He sees himself as not good enough for Elain, not even his presence is good enough for her. It corrupts, it taints, it stains.

He views Elain as innocent and pure, which in itself can be patronizing. We could point to the following excerpt from ACOSF

Personal note: I wondered, while reading this passage, if this was also directed at Az himself (I fail to remember the right terminology for this), because based on the bonus chapter he certainly believes he has a darkness Elain shouldn't be exposed to. So much so that he comments he knew she had no idea of his "unsavory" side, and the only way for one to truly know another is if the other person reveals who they are. He hid parts of himself, either because he thinks Elain is too good and pure or because he's worried of how she would react to who he honestly is. Either way, hiding parts of yourself is dishonest.

Immediate satisfaction. Here Azriel isn't thinking of a future with Elain. He has a desire he wants to see satisfied. After that? In this one moment, there is no "after that." Not to say there wouldn't be later. For now, there isn't.

{Side note on "Offer and permission": love to see on page consent.}

To be continued...

#azriel bonus chapter #azriel shadowsinger #elain archeron #acosf #lucien vanserra #wandering mind #sjm give us peace #gwyn berdara #gwyneth berdara

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allwormdiet · 2 months ago

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Insinuation 2.9

And now everyone is cool and nothing is wrong :)

Y'know, obviously the actual violence involved in the bullying, both physical and social, is like the chief source of harm for Taylor, but I think what's almost equally terrible is that it's made her into her fourth-worst enemy after the main trio, scared of being disliked and trying so hard to find ways to justify not bowing to others

Also, I don't fully know enough about Alec to say, but low-key I get the sense that Taylor just doesn't like him that much, which is a little funny but also a little sad

Yeah, like, he's a little immature but this kinda feels like her interpreting his words in bad faith

This is kinda cute? Alec is being a bit of a brat, yeah, but Brian is immediately charmed by someone else who automatically did a Responsible Thing and Taylor clearly flourishes with his attention. I'm sure they both think they're the token sane ones

Maybe it's just me but I think Alec's power can be pretty busted. Like that's a great way to get an enemy to score an own-goal if they're not careful with their weapons, or if they're on a flight of stairs.

Also think I'm getting a marginally better read on his character through this chapter. He does seem to be earnest, or at least trying, the sarcasm comes off as much of a front as Brian acting like an adult or Lisa acting smug.

Rachel speaks up and it's just to defend her dogs, this is relatable

Also smart call on the infosec tbh

Also also, lmao Taylor's still mad and not shy about that, very telling that she's still thinking of Rachel as Bitch

Makes sense that Rachel has to be careful about what dogs she can use her power on, it only takes one beast like that to go off the rails and cause a whole world of hurt that she didn't mean for. Five bucks says there's a story to how she learned that one.

Sweet But Heartbreaking: The Hebert Family Story

Few things, semi-conflicting in my head but I'll talk through it all anyway

I like the Undersiders and know that they're broadly good kids, or at least trying to be good kids, but I don't think they're so upright that they're above doing crime that would cause harm to others, even if it's "just" financial loss and a scare

And it's interesting to me that as much as Taylor likes them, as much as Taylor yearns to be on this team with them (to the point where she'll tolerate Rachel), she still sees herself as in some way apart from them, even better than them, because she's a hero. Or going to be a hero at the least.

Wonder how long that attitude can hold up

Current Thoughts

I like seeing the Undersiders play off each other more, and I like seeing Taylor slide into a niche alongside them. Had I the power I would make the next *checks notes* twenty-eight arcs just about them all being friends and having adventures, but I do not, so. Reality will ensue at some point, I imagine.

I think it's a little easier to see Taylor's exact problems with more people to bounce off of. She's got this ongoing struggle between needing to belong, needing to fly under the radar, and needing vindication for what she's been put through, and it's given her some bad habits. The self-loathing is a major component, but as I'm looking at it I think her swiftness to dismiss others as less-than-her could just as easily be a byproduct of Emma's tender mercies as a lot of her other bad habits. All of Winslow High has either participated in her suffering, or else stood by and did nothing about it; is it any wonder that she feels alone in a crowd, that she's so harsh in how she views others who provide any reason to doubt their intentions towards her? Rachel is obviously an extreme case but she even raised her hackles a bit with Alec back in 2.7 and what he said could barely count as teasing.

Little shocked that this arc is over already, but I guess it's longer than Arc 1, so maybe I'm just getting wrapped up in the flow of the story and getting thrown by the interruptions. Interlude next, then my meditations on Arc 2

#worm liveblogging #parahumans #liveblog #worm insinuation #wormblr

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olderthannetfic · 1 year ago

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Re: https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/720791837582983168/tbh-im-quite-shocked-by-all-the-anons-here?source=share

The thing about the OTW publicly suspecting an ex-volunteer is that a) the ex-volunteer was the one who had theorised in a public post that she might have been a suspect first. And she identified herself by username in it. And speculated that she'd been unjustly suspended after that email attack she was the suspect of. So b) the OTW was responding org-internally to current-volunteers' questions brought on by the ex-volunteer's post and they c) did not name her, so only the current volunteers who knew about the ex's post would've been able to identify her as that ex-volunteer. You can't cry defamation if you self-defame, first, and defamation requires that the other person is lying about the reasoning for their suspicion.

As for the CSEM ticket handling and the treatment of the PAC members, esp that ex-vol who worked CSEM tickets, I'm of the opinion that if you take on that work, it's your job to make a call whether or not the material in front of you contains an actual minor. Yes, 99% of it is going to be tickets about cartoon porn or GOT fanfic or whatever, but live-action porn is very much something that you might have to evaluate, too, and she straight-up said she wasn't able to tell with certainty, and so wanted to ban the content (which was fan*fiction* + the ambiguous porn gif) based on it being tagged Underage just to be safe. And it's fine that she said she couldn't tell, but she doesn't get to complain that she was forced to evaluate and eventually dismiss (due to the person in it not being clearly identifiable as a minor) that content, when by her own words, she wasn't forced. She'd also stated that she was working these tickets by choice so the other members wouldn't have to, but now people spin it as if she was chained to her desk and given nothing but CSEM reports. That's unjust framing.

Neither is it ok to want to suspend a user for tags that from context clearly pertain to a *fictional* work. She says she was told she couldn't ban it despite wanting to because "Legal says gifs are transformative fanworks and Disney had recently implied it wanted to crack down on gifs", which, to me, carries the implication that Legal said to ignore CSEM if it comes in the form of gifs or other transformative works. When what that actually is, is the obscenity exception about visual sexual content in which no real kid appears to have actually participated (if the pics are not of a child, but meant to be about underage sex, they need to be obscene under the Miller test to be illegal, and transformative works have artistic value). Which is stuff that she, as the former go-to CSEM ticket girl of the OTW, should actually know. Granted, the one bit I don't doubt at all is that unpaid volunteers don't give or receive enough training, but personally, when questions of legality and attached morality (is this ruling fair, or harmful?) haunt me, I look shit up. And I don't believe for a moment that Legal did not look that shit up despite specialising in IP-law, or had misunderstood CSEM laws to such a degree that they'd actually say it's not CSEM if it's a gif.

I've seen people now - that ex-volunteer among them - demand a mental healthcare budget, at least for post-emergency-use, and call failure to provide that neglectful. The lack of mental health support in a unpaid-volunteer run org for the people who do this kind of important work is unfortunate, and was even more so in the aftermath of the email attack, but the OTW can't just magic that money for 900 people's healthcare up. Them continuing not to pay (cause that's what it is) their volunteers after a crisis is not abuse or neglectful.

The majority of their (the ex-vol's and allied vols) points seem either ignorant or deliberately framing themselves as the victims of some horribly abusive organisation who made them look at and shelter CSAM and is now bullying them after they blew the whistle on it. I don't really see anything worth getting the whistle out for, here, so yes, I think it's a smear campaign.

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dearweirdme · 6 months ago

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Yubi posted a picture wearing a ring that JK has. It's really obvious by her pose what she was trying to do. I just find it so interesting now that JK is getting bombarded with the cult rumors that she also emerges stirring the pot 😮‍💨her family is allegedly super problematic too with money and the religious center they run/participate in.

Do you think it could be a coincidence or she's maliciously trying to link herself to him? I saw someone talking about this on X, and they believe they're back together because of what Yubi has been posting on insta. She repinned a photo that she took off when the video/pics of him leaked. Then she uploaded a photo of her wearing Adidas clothes the same day JK opened Bams insta, and coincidently, he's wearing Adidas in his profile picture and now looking back at that photo she's also wearing the ring but I feel like nobody caught it so that's why she uploaded the new picture to show it off clearly lol.

Now the reason I don't dismiss the yubi rumor entirely is because I've noticed that JK does seem to be a very impulsive guy. When he was around mijoo he got all those tattoos at once. You can tell he was either super infatuated with her or inspired because he got really similar tattoos to her. Once they parted ways, he got his sleeve redone, clearly regretting it. With Yubi, he got into the whole buddist thing. He has a buddist symbol tattooed, was allegedly going to a temple, wearing those bracelets etc.. then once the rumors of them parting ways happened, we have him on live saying he's not religious. Now she's posting things that seem to link to him, so maybe they're back in contact? When it comes to taekook, I do wonder if maybe they took a break or decided to be open because it does seem like the taennie and yubi timeline overlap

Hi anon!

Lmao, not that ring 😂😂😂! Is she in a relationship with the whole of Wooga as well?

Listen, I think connecting the dots like this take a lot of assumptions. You assume she knows/knew about the Bam insta on the same day it launched. Why? Also.. if they are actually together (they're not) the SK celeb thing to do would be to keep things a secret. Her rying to hint at being with Jk (she's not) would mean she's trying to out them (not very beneficial at this point I'd say). Also, why would she want to connect herself to Jk at the moemnt they go through all this shit? WOuldn't the wise thing be to keep a distance from scandal? I think it's all just coincidence anon. The ring is a common one amongst celebs. Adidas is a common brand.

I don't think Jk is that easily influenced at all. If anything him having tattoos shows that. He probably would have been adviced against getting tattoos from many sides (having tats is a bit frowned upon in SK I believe). Jk likes to try different things. He was pretty young when he got his first tattoos, it's very possible he did change his mind about them later on. I think that's due to age, not due to who he's with. Your twenties are probably when you go through the biggest search for discovering who you are. That goes for JK as well.

#jk

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dehautdesert · 1 year ago

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Another thing I like about Halt and Catch Fire is how it deconstructs the idea of the creative visionary ahead of their time pushing society into the future.

On that show, everyone is kind of a visionary and no one is. If you think about it, all their breakthroughs are a result of their natural tendencies and interests meshing well with the current state of the technology, and their natural tendencies are a product of their histories and temperaments.

Cameron specializes in software, and what she is obviously most interested in is human-computer interaction. This makes sense - at some point she describes herself in middle school as someone who didn't know how to communicate with others, until she was introduced to computers and was thrilled to learn that she could communicate with something she could understand. Computers fulfill her emotional needs, in a way. So whether Cameron will be the innovator is almost entirely a function of how much the current trends or oncoming trends mesh well with her internal perception of computers as something to interact with. She is heartbroken when Joe takes out the proto-chatbot out of The Giant but easily dismisses Donna when Donna pushes to expand Community, because Community isn't about talking to computers, it's about people talking to other people, which to Cameron is initially incomprehensible. Cameron only recognizes the value of Community when she meets several people with trauma similar to her own, and sees how they resolved it not by talking to a computer but by talking to other people. Cagey, asocial Cameron also likes technically complicated things, because she perceives a kind of intimacy and specialness in being the only one to understand how something works. It's a kind of a shield between her and the world, again deriving from the way she found validation and intimacy in working with computers as a kid. Like a jealous lover, she prefers the conversation to be 1-on-1. No wonder she is aghast at the rise of plotless first-person shooters and demands for game controls to be explained - to her it's stupid, ungrateful people unwilling to put in the work necessary to build an intimate relationship with the computer.

Donna is clearly a hardware girl and her most brilliant moments come from creative hardware solutions, but she also spent at least a couple of years as a housewife with two small children and can see the benefit in being able to communicate with other people long-distance. She also grew up in a very image-oriented household and sometimes struggles with similar tendencies herself, so she is also quick to recognize the liberating potential of being anonymous on the internet (Cameron, who is not only uninterested in socializing or making a good impression but also gleefully shows off her worst traits to everyone else - she is the ultimate "queen big dick" - could never). But Donna really isn't that into software, or the newer hardware - in late S4 she fixes up an old radio and admires its old-school simplicity, contrasting it with the newfangled chip-based technology that she dislikes. The tragedy of Donna is that, probably due to her early pregnancy, she never had the chance to work on complex hardware for long enough to make a name out of herself in that field, and hardware is expensive enough that she can't do it at home on the regular or have access to truly innovative stuff outside of a corporate setting like Cameron or Tom did with their more software-based interests (she had to work a random job late into her pregnancy to be able to somehow hustle up the parts for the Symphonic). So it's no wonder that she opts out of the industry entirely and focuses on getting money to people who might need it, a process whose difficulties she's intimately aware of. This way she gets to participate in the more hardware-based stuff in some way - look how happy she is to explore the robotics lab in late S4!

Joe is clearly into literature so he recognizes the potential for a good story, and he is also obviously good at perceiving power plays and imbalances and similar entanglements that are somewhere on the edge between strategy and sociology and politics in a broad sense. This also makes sense, because he grew up near at least some centers of power, and being a queer kid who was aware from an early age of how his social standing was based on a lie probably didn't help. The best illustration of how his moments of savantry are based around strategy games is what he does with the antivirus software: the idea doesn't come from Joe's great technological insights (LOL), it comes from his analysis of several situations happening to him simultaneously - various people reacting to his trustworthiness or lack thereof, and then Cameron having his and his company's balls in a vice grip because she's able to destroy their data or hold it hostage (as Paul Atreides said, "He who can destroy a thing, controls a thing."). So this is where the idea comes from - it's basically an arms deal for a new kind of warfare. And then he leverages this into telling a fanciful larger story about security and safety and society and human rights, probably inspired by being an mlm during the AIDS crisis, because he is a good enough storyteller to position himself as some kind of a messiah, but also because he is aware of the strategic and sociological implications of large powerful entities getting to pick and choose who and what gets to be safe and the psychological effect this has on people (note how his struggle with the board to keep the software free overlaps with the subplot of him having to deal with the homophobic business partner - someone involved in Joe getting a government contract - who explicitly says that he wishes all the gays would just die of AIDS).

Gordon is an optimizer - I don't think we've ever seen him have a truly innovative idea, ever, but give him a prompt, even an impossible one, and he will perfect it, optimize it, streamline it beyond your wildest dreams. It's no wonder Gordon is underappreciated because he's exactly the kind of detail-oriented person who is cast aside in favour of larger, more bombastic personalities, but when the name of the game is slow and steady improvement Gordon does better than anyone because he takes what already exists and makes it better in every way possible. Gordon is kind of an anxious person, and kind of a nitpicky one in most situations (he keeps correcting other people's exaggerations and incorrect statements, it's no wonder he gets along with Kate so well), and he often resists qualitative change but he pushes "the state of the art" forward as much as any of the others. He is an artisan, as reflected in his idea of custom-built boutique computers. This is why the worst thing that can happen to him is his neurodegenerative disorder - it threatens the attention to detail and precision and finesse that make his work truly stand out.

I really enjoyed taking apart these characterizations but I guess that my broader point is that while all these people are brilliant in their own way, they are also not brilliant in many other ways, and rather than being invincible geniuses their success is based entirely on moments when the constantly shifting technological zeitgeist overlaps with their innate way of perceiving the world for a brief moment before the innovation itself necessarily eventually causes a second-order change that creates a new, less compatible status quo.

The narrative is almost Hegelian in its approach; a great man does not create historical reality himself but only uncovers the inevitable future, because what he is personally striving for currently matches up with the broader movements of the world. But if it doesn't, the great man is fucked no matter how great he is - Ryan was more ahead of his time than arguably anyone, and ended up where he did through a combination of various personality flaws and systemic factors.

#halt and catch fire #i am not normal about this show and I will be making it everyone else's problem for the forseeable future

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emerald-notes · 1 year ago

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Noona! Please! Help! - Part 2

Fandom: BTS Characters: Younger Brothers BTS and Elder Sister Narrator Genre: A Little Dramatic and A Little Comedic Word Count: 1.3K Words Warning: Mention of other idols such as Lisa and Ryujin, tearing down clothes, breakdown, crying etc. Note: It’s a siblings AU story of BTS with the narrator as their elder sister. I tried to write something different from what I usually write about. I had fun making this. Hope it makes you feel good too. Happy Reading Everyone :)

Summary: Her little brothers can’t attend to a single task without her help. Be it a dance competition or asking out a girl for a date, they always seem to be finding everything too hard to go through without her by their side. ‘Our lucky charm’; that’s what they like to call her. But what if she turns out to be a misfortune in different situations in one single day?

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - More to come

Not Really the Best Dancer:

06:45 a.m. 1st September, 2015

I still have more than an hour before Hobi’s aka Hoseok’s dance starts. So, I decided to take a shower and apply some light makeup that would suit all the occasions I am to participate in. I had taken a day off work today. Because, I’m about to meet my seven little brothers, that too, at different times in one single day.

I make a mental note of my schedule and get out of my house (Sorry, it’s actually my granma's house) 10 minutes prior to Hobi’s dance. He is going to participate in the finale of the dance competition he had been practicing for for the last three years. Though a little nervous, I’m pretty positive he is going to win. I mean, why not? He’s the best dancer I have ever seen.

“Come here!” Hobi waves his hand while talking to me on the phone. I go straight to him pushing the crowd ahead of me.

“You should have hurried, Noona!” Hobi says with a pout, “I have to go change. The show’s starting.”

“Alright!” I tell him, “Go on, then. I’ll be cheering you on from the crowd. Are you nervous?”

“Nah!” Hobi dismisses the question with a slight wave of his hand and by putting a bright smile on his face, “Why would I be? I’ve got you.”

I take his hands in mine, clearly noticing the sweaty palms, “Fighting!”

“Fighting!” with a little shake of the hands he disappears inside the dressing room.

Lisa starts her performance with a loud applause from the crowd. I had watched some of the previous dance performances of others in the videos Hoseok brought home for me to see. But I don’t remember watching any of her. Watching her perform live in front of me makes me a little nervous. She has one of the best body controls. And it is definitely something to worry about.

The next participant gets as much cheers from the crowd as her previous competitor. Her name’s Ryujin and I had seen her collaborating with Hobi before. I liked that dance so much at the time. Now, I’m not really sure I’m liking her moves. Of course, she can dance. And that is exactly my problem.

Finally, Hoseok takes the stage as ‘J-Hope’ and the crowd bursts into loud screams from the enthusiasts. All my anxieties take some rest. But as soon as he starts to move along the beat, I feel like I’m holding my breath. As if that would ensure his perfect performance.

Everything goes smoothly until at a point Hoseok rips off his shirt; earning more screams from the audience. I’m shocked at the revelation. Is it a mistake? I mean, Hoseok would never do that. Once he had told me himself that he doesn’t like showing much skin. It’s the choreography that matters more to him.

But it seems like I’m the only one who’s confused. Others around me seem to be enjoying the dance along with that little distraction that he made. However, I gather myself just before the end so that I don’t forget to cheer and clap the loudest for my little Hobi.

There’s a thirty minute break before they announce the winner of the long one month competition. I check my phone and gasp.

Three missed calls from Yoongi.

I check the time. It’s already 8:48 a.m. Yoongi’s game starts at 8:30 a.m. I was supposed to be with him now. I look out for Hobi.

“You did great!” I compliment him hurriedly.

“Thanks but…” Hobi frowns.

“What’s the matter?” I take a closer look at his sweaty face.

“It’s just that” Hobi continues, “I feel like I made a mistake.”

My phone rings before I could tell him anything. It’s Yoongi again.

“Umm…” I hesitate before speaking, “I still believe you’re going to win. Hobi… Please don’t mind but… I really have to be somewhere now.”

“What?” Hobi looks up, “No way! Wait for the announcement at least. Please, Noona! You promised!”

“I promised I will watch you perform. And I did that. Besides, you didn’t mention the results will take that long to be announced. I have to meet Yoongi. Apparently he has an important match too.”

Hobi scoffs, “As if he’s the one playing.”

I can sense the anger rising within him. First of all, he’s upset about some mistakes that he made. Now that I’ve mentioned Yoongi, he’s definitely pissed. Hoseok never liked the fact that Yoongi bets money on basketball matches. According to him, “It’s a waste of money if you lose. And a waste of character if you win.”

“You can go if you want.” Hobi says finally, “It’s not even a huge deal.”

I know he doesn’t mean that. It is in fact a huge deal for him. My common sense tells me it is better to deal with an angry Yoongi than with an angry Hoseok.

I smile and pull him into a hug. He’s surprised by my sudden action. “What’re you doing?”

“Don’t worry!” I say, “Noona will stay so that you win.”

“Oh yeah!” Hobi hugs me back, “Then, I’ll definitely win.”

“I’ll be there as soon as it ends.” I yell at Yoongi through my phone because of the loud audience around me.

“Yeah, take your time.” Yoongi says bitterly, “Looks like Hoba is in need of some luck more than I do today. ‘Cause we’re already winning.” Then, he cuts the line.

I don’t have the time to think about his last remark. The three participants walk to the stage and the crowd cheers louder, as if it is even possible. I cheer for Hobi too, mentally praying to God that my little brother gets the fruit that he’s been nurturing for so long.

With some dramatic speeches and hearts beating up to our throats, the result is finally revealed. And J-Hope is not the winner.

Looks like Ryujin outdid the others this time and she is as shocked as I am to find it out. Both Lisa and Hobi are clapping with bright smiles on their faces. They are both bowing to Ryujin, who in turn is bowing to them. The flower bouquet is presented to her and the rest of the celebration goes on in blur.

I went backstage to meet Hobi. But I only see two girls hugging and complimenting each other. Hobi is nowhere to be seen. I look through the dressing room and he’s not there.

I decide to peek at the boy’s bathroom to check and I sigh in relief. Hobi is bending towards the basin, his hands covering the face while the faucet runs beneath.

“Hobi!” I call him softly.

“Please, Noona!” His voice cracks as he tries to speak, “Just give me some time. I promise I’ll be okay. Just some time is all I need.”

Contemplating on why it is hard for me to believe that he is crying out of failure, I find that it is because I had never experienced Hoseok openly displaying sadness before. He was always the ray of sunshine, the restless butterfly or the sweet smelling flower of our family. As if it is what’s expected of him.

Even right now, in such a vulnerable state of mind, he doesn’t seem to be trusting me enough to have confided in me. Instead, he’s willing to go through a breakdown all alone until he’s ready to smile brightly again.

I am dumbfounded. I feel like I need to tell him something, comfort him and let him know that he’s not here alone. I want to make him feel that it's okay to fail. That he’s still loved and that’s what should matter the most.

My phone rings in my pocket once again and Hoseok looks up from the sink. With teary red eyes he says, “It must be Yoongi Hyung. Don’t make him wait any longer. Just go. I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure?” I ask, confused.

“I guess,” he sniffs, “I accept my defeat. Maybe, I’m not really the best dancer that you used to think I am.”

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My Masterlist

Tag List: @sophiatcha, @lalavione1309, @jwirecs, @missmayaarmy, @sarai-ibn-la-ahad, @ayalies, @karougirl123, @juju-227592, @coffeepurpleu, @dreamerwasfound, @wetfeline, @phthao2406, @hoshi-is-ult-bbg, @bestloverstan, @quixoticbittersweet, @jwirecs-main, @singukieee, @l3aecon, @bangtandoll20, @gabcats5, @latina-girl-18, @kyuupidwrites

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pierayanna · 3 months ago

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Thoughts on US election

it’s concerning how normalized performing for social media is. and it’s gotten to the point that I don’t even people realize it because they’re performing for themselves not necessarily to be seen by others. cause how are yall so happy, ecstatic even, to cast your vote for a cop genocidaire but was just posting “Free Palestine” & “Justice for Sonya” ??? Literally publicly celebrating voting for such evil.

and it was plenty of *genuine* bipoc leftists that obviously understood our experience under trump & limitations of third party candidates and were clearly for voting for Harris. even sharing these ideas. but the vitriol yall had for them saying to not just give this woman the vote and push her to not be *as* evil was soo bizarre. Yall keep saying lesser evil and now your red line isn’t even genocide??? These people actually know the theory, practice it, and actually do things besides vote every 4 years, yet yall were so quick to dismiss them and antagonize them for trying to push the candidate *yall both want* to stop killing thousands of people???

I understanding voting in your best interest. I don’t understand sacrificing millions of lives for it and I don’t understand CELEBRATING & PRAISING people committing atrocities. Just vote. And Harris knows yall don’t care about any of the genocides which is why she had that entire performance telling people protesting HER administration murdering hundreds of thousands of people to stop speaking or someone else would continue the killing. ??? And yall celebrated that ??? Because if yall listened to people trying pressure her with their vote (the way it should be done if you are going to participate in this evil institution) to push her to change her evil policies, she probably would have changed them (or at least claimed to)

And do yall genuinely know her policies… because it’s giving AKA trump

Be the same people who don’t understand our struggles are all connected but want to post Malcolm X. The same people who don’t understand the IDF trains OUR police force. The people that murdered Sonya. The same people who fear monger worse every 4 years to get the democratic vote but don’t understand fascism has been here. The same people that post love, light, & biblical scriptures (I can’t take yall seriously lmaooo). Yall legitimize these evil institutions that only care about capital so much and jump to able to celebrate them. That’s really the part that’s getting me, like okay share your candidate, but to praise and celebrate and glorify a cop genocidaire?? Unconditionally??? No pressure to stop committing genocide, no pressure to change her policies (the few I’ve seen because there’s none on her website lmaooo) that resemble project 2025, just praise & glory for a genocidal lady.

And I hate this but I guess yall genuinely do not care unless it’s literally you or your family (and you’ll probably give a modicum of a fuck then, not enough to not be in service to the empire, eager to celebrate them)

Also (thought I was done lmaoo) yall don’t understand the merit in community. So busy trying to play the empires game in which you will always lose, you don’t see how you can stop playing it without destroying it first. Because people will need support once the empire falls anyway. How about build that community with everything you need first anyway?? Nvm that building sovereignty is how you can escape capitalism’s grip anyway.

#elevated ramblings #freedom #colonialism #copcity #free gaza #end occupation #end all colonial occupation #end capitalism #kamala harris #community #genocide #palestinian genocide #congo genocide #sudan genocide #free congo #free sudan

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persephoneprice · 4 months ago

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thinking about "being unable to see people as just evil." imo it's a useful quality, and with thg/tbosas i like that that perspective is kinda baked into the narrative. that's part of why the mentors are so interesting to me -- most of them are probably doomed to become tools of a terrible system (they're destined for brilliant careers in the capitol, after all) but for now they're all 18-year-olds doing their best and probably hiding what they really believe. if they even know what they believe. AND on top of all that, they survived the dark days together? god

btw i got lysistrata on your uquiz and she's great so i appreciate it lol. her being childhood friends with snow is something i think about a lot because i feel like she actually sees his potential to do good. which is nice but tragic because he doesn't see that potential in himself. like she can Tell that he also hates the games and the many ways that the mentors are being manipulated, but he'll never admit it. just too much of a risk. (he also sees *her* potential to do good, and unlike with sejanus, he respects it, since she generally tries to do the right thing in calculated ways rather than impulsively challenging the status quo. he still finds her strange and disorienting to be around since she clearly doesn't *want* to conform and be accepted nearly as much as he does.) anyway my main hc for her is that she ends up in bioengineering (NOT working for dr. gaul lmao) and is extremely good at what she does. she experiences various ethical dilemmas because she creates something that both can save lives in a unique way And is likely to be used in the games/could have military applications(?), so. idk. she struggles with that a lot because she refuses to turn away from the harm her project could cause

i also hc that lyssie stays friends with snow longer than one might expect -- i think she's surprisingly open to feeling (and acting on) compassion for people she knows she can never fully trust. and she's often been viewed as, like, adjacent to capitol high society without the possibility of being genuinely accepted into its ranks, so she doesn't tend to trust a lot of people. she tends to like or at least be curious about a lot of people, though, and she doesn't see that as contradictory. she keeps her distance when it's necessary, and tbh sometimes when it's unnecessary. i feel like she would be one of (young politician) snow's few positive influences -- even convincing him to make good public health decisions that benefit the districts. something like that. she'd be good at laying it all out as strategically useful, etc. and then their friendship eventually falls apart as it becomes clear that snow really isn't trying to change things from the inside (while lyssie definitely is)

bonus: it seems possible that lyssie's parents know some ravinstill family secrets since they're max's doctors. make of this what you will. dr. and dr. vickers, what do you know?? whatever's going on with them and max could also have Parallels with lyssie being relatively close to snow as he gains power. much to think about

oh coryo, this is such a wonderful ask to receive! genuinely, i am so excited to dive into this (under the cut because this turned into a small novel!)

i completely 100% agree with what you’re saying about the mentors and i think you’ve brought up such an amazing point with this. i think it’s easy to dismiss the mentors as being evil/terrible people, but i truly don’t believe there’s such a thing as a fully naturally evil person (not even urban canville).

the mentors get a lot of hate and i definitely get why (and enjoy participating!) but i think a lot of people forget just how young these mentors are. of course, that may be because so many tbosas fans are so young- but 18/19 is barely an adult. it’s so easy to dismiss them as horrible because of how they acted (and definitely they deserve the criticism) but i think in doing so, we really overlook the situation they’re in. of course this bunch of elite kids who have been spoon fed propaganda aren’t perfectly ready to overthrow the entire system they know at 18 years old. especially considering they’re all traumatized from living through a literal war as children.

not to mention how dangerous it is to speak out or mess with the wrong person as a citizen in panem.

they may not have handled things perfectly or ideally, but that doesn’t mean we need to dismiss them completely. i firmly believe that all people have a capacity for change- especially when the versions we see of them are so young!

imagine being in that position! you’re barely 18 and facing graduation (which is such a difficult phase of life as it is!). you’ve lived through a war and have had to cope with the trauma of that and you’ve been fed your whole life that the reason you suffered was because of these people. then you’re told out of no where that you’re going to be assigned one of the children from the place that caused your, and everyone you know’s, suffering. you get this kid in front of you and your forced to get to know them. looking from the perspective of the mentors view (and i’m not saying i agree!), a lot of these kids prove you right by being violent and harsh because these mentors aren’t able to put themselves in the shoes of the people they view as ‘bad’.

in other cases, the mentors realize that the children really are just children and don’t deserve what’s happening. but what can they do other than offer food and try to help them the best they can? speak out? we see how things like that go in the capitol. sejanus is punished for the way he lashed out and the feed was cut when he tried to do something.

i’m not saying they shouldn’t have done more- i’m just saying it’s not as black and white as people like to think.

i’m sorry- i’ve already rambled so much but i also really want to touch on the part of lyssie! i loved what you said about her seeing coriolanus’s ability to do good- because coriolanus did have the ability to do a lot of good. he ultimately chose a different path- but the option was there. he wasn’t born an evil dictator.

i think think it’s interesting your point about why he respected lysistrata vs sejanus! i also really liked your bioengineering headcanon. i think that’s so spot on!

i’ve never thought about it- but now that you say you think she stayed friends with coriolanus longer than one might expect i completely agree! she has that compassion inside of her and she’s grown up with this person. this was one of her best friends and she cares about him- it’s not easy to just give that up. i can absolutely see her trying to hold on and hold out hope that the coryo she loved will push through and stop the madness- or that she’ll be able to influence better things in the situation. she’s aware that she’s between a rock and a hard place and does the best she can with what she’s got.

and AH that last paragraph! i had a conversation with a friend recently about a hc with the heavensbees & the phipps and all their dark family secrets and how they’re sort of forced to remain close because of all the dirt they have on each other. i could see a very similar situation for the ravinstills & the vickers!! oh that’s such an interesting point but this is already so long…but trust i am thinking!

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quill-of-thoth · 2 years ago

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Letters from Watson: A Case of Identity

Crimes in Context: financial abuse, again. Here we have financial abuse of adult daughters / stepdaughters again, with James Windibank being the non-murderous, less wealthy counterpart to Dr. Roylott. We also have a more than typical amount of sexism regarding whether Mary Sutherland has a right to know what Holmes has deduced about her problem, which may also be compounded with classism, especially when one considers that Miss Helen Stoner and Miss Mary Morstan were given much more information regarding their cases - which, though more dangerous, were not entirely dissimilar, since both of them were being denied monetary support that they were entitled to. So why is Mary Sutherland denied the information she sought? I posit that it is the same reason that Watson is so uncomplimentary about her appearance: she's lower class. Helen and Mary Morstan were the children of not just british soldiers, but officers, meaning that their fathers were gentlemen. Mary Sutherland is the daughter of a tradesman - one that clearly supported the family well, but by definition not a gentleman. The concept of who was, and was not, a gentleman is fluctuating and through my research not strictly defined, but the common factors by the 1880's and 1890's appear to have been blood and education. A Peer (Duke, marquess, earl, viscount, baron) is automatically a gentleman, though superior to other gentlemen in rank and importance. A non-peer member of the nobility, for example Lord St. Simon, is also a gentleman, below peers but above non-nobles. All other gentlemen are judged based on their education or profession: being educated at a public (read: open to anyone who can pay) school in latin and the classics, and entering into a profession of some amount of prestige, made Watson and Holmes gentlemen regardless of how little money they may have had to split between them in 1881.

Mary Sutherland's father was a plumber and possibly additionally a gasfitter, i.e. someone who installs gas (presumably for gas lighting) in people's homes, or who inspects and repairs such installations. Gas, needing to be piped in via, well, a pipe, would of course be the concern of either a plumber or someone who had experience in plumbing and specializing in gas. Sutherland was probably part of a fraternal order of gasfitters (hence the standing invitation to the gasfitters' ball), which was common within trades at the time. These organizations were not quite a guild in the pre-industrial sense, or a union in the modern sense, but they were focused on mutual aid between members of the same profession, whether that was assisting widows and orphans of their members, coordinating somewhat standardized prices for their trade, or civic participation in terms of organizational events like an annual ball, participation in charity, or forming clubs that had nothing to do with the actual trade, such as a choir or a walking club. Her stepfather is some type of salesman or merchant, which as far as I can tell isn't a gentleman, but isn't automatically not a gentleman. Possibly Mr. Windibank has aspirations of being considered a gentleman via promotion in his profession and earning money, which would explain his haste to sell the plumbing business at a sub-par rate, and his "superior" attitude. These facts likely explain why Holmes and Watson, who trusted in the bravery and understanding of their gentlewoman clients, did not trust in the intelligence of Mary Sutherland, because modern prejudices regarding the capabilities of people according to their social class were definitely descended from these attitudes. In addition, the notion that a person's appearance and physical abilities were connected to their character was very strong. Mary Sutherland, who is nearsighted to the point of disability and is apparently not a snazzy dresser, and who moreover is not necessarily beautiful, has been dismissed out of hand. On the other hand, the selection of this case for Watson's writings, early on in his short story career, may indicate that he later thought better of it and decided that if Miss Sutherland recognized her case, he could tell her that her mother and stepfather had been taking advantage of her years after the fact.

#Letters from Watson #Crimes in Context #sexism #classism #financial abuse

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finsterhund · 2 years ago

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Had a nice chat with our new downstairs neighbor who moved into the place the neighbor who had kitties but passed from cancer used to be in. Bittersweet on that fact but our new neighbor is also super nice and is helping me with my plants. Offered to give me some potting soil when it's time to transplant my beans and we have the plan over the summer to have a joint garden along the wall/corner we share. So I can theoretically have even more beans because I can plant them on the ground and trellis them all the way up to our patio. I just hope our stupid landlords don't get mad about a wall of beans. They wouldn't get mad about maintained bean plants up the outside of the building if both relevant neighbors were working together growing them would they? I don't know anymore. Landlords are practically at the point where they want to force what renters can and can't cook in the kitchen for fucks sake. I've seen that discussed online before.

I just want my beans man. I know a neighbor had potted tomates in the front yard last year and they were allowed so here's hoping I can have two story beans. If not I'll continue my plan of having smaller clipped ones on the patio and in my bedroom (my main idea was having the pole beans grow tall enough that I can have their pots on the floor and have them stalk up along my windows behind the blinds. With an added benefit that I can then open my blinds more and get more sun because the bean plants will obscure me from the outside in.)

They also offered to give us a barbeque they were trying to get rid of. One that can be portable for camping but our stupid landlords hate barbeques but then they suggested that I could keep it but have it hidden and only bring it out for camping. How would those fuckers know? I'd never have the propane tanks on site just the little barbeque.

Got into talking how we need to bring back farming for the new generation and about how my family has left our farm to rot and how I want to inherit it and keep bothering my mom about it. I am not a pariah to the uncle who I'm pretty sure is who's in charge of the property right now so I really should just get his number and call him directly to talk about it because my mom is never going to get it into her head that I'm capable of living on my own. I mean I do get it to some extent but that would be a different circumstance. Rural life is significantly easier on my mental stressors than urban life. People have told me that there's less acceptance for being a disabled queer man but it's not like I'd be participating in the night life or adult communities or anything. Just participating in the larger community like I play Stardew valley where I'm the mysterious farmer who comes into town for supplies, is friendly and generous when he's there and then goes back to his farm. Makes me wish I was developmentally capable of relationships and wasn't also aroace because I'd love to find someone to live this life with but everybody wants a partner and I'm just perpetually stuck in a neo childhood. People who aren't exploiters want an equal. In many ways I will never be a normal adult's equal. Such is life.

Sadly I'd have to move away from BC if I did get the farm. So I'd be leaving all these nice people behind but such is life I guess. Better that I'm moving on to better things than everyone else continuing to be the ones who move on to better things while my situation slowly grows worse.

I suppose it's classic case of toxic relationship when a parent both expresses resentment for your helplessness due to disability but also dismisses any attempt at independence on one's own specialized terms. Idk anymore. I don't think I'll ever go no contact. I just want a family too much. And I always need to remember she was just as much a victim as me. She is also clearly neurodivergent and society failed her about it like it failed me. There's just generational trauma I have that she doesn't. Which is alienating. Usually generational trauma is, well, generational. But my grandparents were good people and the generational trauma is from my disowned abuser paternal side. So the type of trauma I have is different than my mom's despite we having the same abuser. Blah blah blah I'm just retreading old ground. Point is even though things are extremely complicated I will never stop loving her despite the way she loves me being conditional and weird and unhealthy. The way I love her is also weird and unhealthy too. That's just how generational trauma is.

I hope I have not passed on the generational trauma to Cazza and that I won't to Scott. Sometimes I feel the normalized child abuse bubble close to the surface when I am frustrated or cross or stressed about them. And it horrifies me. I am so glad I am on antipsychotics because this is no doubt helping me not emulate my upbringing. But when I raise my voice or lose my temper it makes me feel so ill. It reminds me of when I was just being a kid and I'd get screamed at or hit. I never scream at my puppies. I will raise my voice or throw my voice in situations of urgency and I'll scold but I do not scream at them. But I still feel bad when I scold. Under normal circumstances my verbal communications are slurred and stilted and passive so when I do get urgent and loud I always feel it's going to upset Scott. Perhaps I'm overthinking it and this is just how men are supposed to sound and the level of our voices when things are urgent but I'm still learning how to exist in a space and the amount of weight it's acceptable to throw around. It's the verbal equivalent of how I still skulk around my own damn house like it's not safe to be out of my bedroom. When will that stop? Do I just need therapy? Yeah.

I wish I could have known my grandparents more. Thinking back on it now. I was too young. I have more memories than the average person about those years but it's still through the mind of a very small child. Things come to me in flashes and in bits and pieces. The brain latches onto the most random of things. I have practically a photographic memory of the entire inside of the house but don't remember what it looked like from the outside. I remember how grandma smelled but not how her hair or face looked. I remember sitting on my grandpa's knee in the living room but I don't remember him giving me the sausage to teethe on even though that would go on to be a way of comfort and self soothing even into adulthood. I can still hear the sound of his oxygen machine. I remember the room upstairs me and my mom slept in. I remember the book about the boy and the quilt. I remember the book about the dog who hatched from an egg. I remember some of the toys of my mom and siblings that they kept that I would play with and the anti slip plastic thing that was put over the carpet. I remember nature visuals on their TV. And Painting Pictures. I remember from later the drawing of a "rainbow puppy" I made to put in grandma's casket and how I didn't understand what a funeral was or the full gravity that they were gone.

Something bothering me lately is that despite trying real hard I can't remember if it was specifically Yiddish or German that I have memories of hearing spoken. I don't know how to tell if the amount of residual Yiddish in my mom's vernacular is substantial enough to suggest it was more prevalent than the borrowing in north american English as a whole. I would assume it is because it's more prevalent than in the people I interact with in my day to day but language is not my strong suit.

It's likely both though. This lineage came about from two separate minority groups (one Lutheran the other Jewish) who left/were driven out of Germany and ended up in Russia before inevitably jumping ship to Canada. It can then be extrapolated that it was probably in Russia when the two converged to then go on to be solely christian in practice. Of course it's only at that point that I can find any sort of sparce free information people bothered to put online... 😒 But the surname apparently came from the christian side of the family so I guess that should be expected. There's methodist in there too somewhere at one point so it's not just lutheran, and Cree ancestors were christian also, likely as a result of missionaries or residential schools or some bullshit but I don't care about christianity. I'm fine with leaving that in our past.

I sometimes wonder that if it wasn't for my birth father I may have had a better association with the religion. Because my grandparents were good people. Would I have continued believing in god if they had been the ones to raise me like planned? Were they even as devout as my mom is and leads me to believe they were? I can't even say. It's such a foreign concept to reality that I can't really fathom it. Butterfly effect man. I also have to wonder just to what extent my birth father and his manipulation contributed to mom's fundamentalism because it's clear as day that the longer she's been apart from him the more of the bigotry she directed at me dies.

It's extremely fucking easy to find info on my birth father's family if I gave even remotely enough of shit about it is the bitter irony in this. He's obsessed with it. Literally would not hear the end of it. Bunch of cold blooded east coast British settler fucks. Brag about being related to Lord Nelson yet possess only his absolute worst traits. Obsessed with the wretched Atlantic ocean too of course.

In the same way I have a deep connection to my maternal side (despite being taken away at so young an age and on top of that a pariah because I'm part of the LGBTQ community) I have such a violent repulsion and aversion to the paternal side. So much of what they are and what matters to them is utterly incompatible and indigestible. It'd be kinda funny if it wasn't a hundred and ten percent related to the utter magnitude of childhood trauma.

Idk I didn't intend to get philosophical about my family history in this post but it just sorta slipped out.

I'm hoping that my beans can bring a little bit more nature and farming spirit back into my life. Even though I'm miles away from my true home.

I'm pretty sure talking to plants and singing to them and playing them orchestral music to help them grow is a myth but I am still doing it. Currently until my neighbor gives me some potting soil I have only planted two of them using some dirt I collected from back beyond the property where Cazza used to like going for walkies. God I fucking miss her. Maybe it's paradolia or excessive sentimentalism but didn't her sweet little nose look like a scarlet runner bean?

My purple nose puppy 💔

The days keep getting longer and I find comfort in that. Even with the blinds closed I feel the sun through my window. Someday I hope to be in a wide open space with nobody around for as far as the eye can see accompanied only by the bright blue sky and our blazing star. And a doggy of course. Then everything will be okay.

#text post #long post

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stellalunatmblr · 2 years ago

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The Flower Path | Chapter 3

Genre/Tags: isekai (kinda?), bangtan x fem!reader, not poly, oc!bestfriend, surprise romantic pairings; rom-com, slow burn, fluff, angst (will update tags along the way)

Status: Ongoing

Summary: What would you feel if you find yourself transported to the world of a cheesy web novel? Ecstatic, of course (well, among other things), except you’re stuck being the main character’s best friend slash sidekick. Fair enough, you don’t think you’re main character material anyway. Determined to get through your life that has changed all of a sudden, you try to keep yourself in the shadows of your “best friend.” Let’s just try to get through the last year of high school in peace. You thought it was gonna be easy – like a walk in a flower path– but the thing about walking that road is that there are bound to be thorns along the way.

Inspired by the web novel and manhwa: Inso’s Law

Word Count: 7.1k

Chapter warning: mean teenagers

Chapter Note: oh hello there! i just wanted to say, due to popular demand (lol) i opened a taglist. (See this post). i'll start the tagging next chapter.

please don't be shy and let me know what you think of this chapter by commenting or sending an ask! it makes me really happy. enjoy~

masterlist

As soon as you stepped inside the school gymnasium, you could hear shoes squeaking and balls thudding on the hardwood floor. When you inhale, the smell of muscle relief patches fills your senses. You were grateful that, although with such a large space, it was well ventilated because the smell of sweaty teens was the last thing you'd ever want now that you have the obligation to come here frequently.

You didn’t expect to get called to the faculty that day after class, but even more than that, you did not expect that your application to be the volleyball team’s manager would be approved by the coach and team adviser.

"We were supposed to pick only one, but then I suggested having two managers for both teams would be more efficient since they don’t always get the same venue for away games. They already picked the other one, so you’ll get to know them eventually," the volleyball coach—coach Kai as he introduced himself to you—says as he hands you a binder.

He also mentioned that you and your co-manager will be rotated between the boys' and girls' teams, so he recommended you become acquainted with all of the team members to make your job easier.

"Here are some documents the former manager left for whoever replaced him because he thinks it would be helpful. He used to supervise both teams, and so he left a lot of whatever is in that." He pointed to the binder that you were now holding, "I'll leave this with you because I forgot to give it to the other manager." He dismisses you after that.

So now you're standing here, confused, unsure how you got into this predicament in the first place. Given you did apply for the position, but you thought your application would just be brushed off. You clasp the binder to your chest even closer, feeling a bit small. You have done a lot of half-assed things in your life. Your academics, learning to cook, heck—even that crocheted blanket you pushed to finish before winter one time. But this… this is what gets you results? You were barely qualified for the position.

To be fair, this wasn't your world, and perhaps the rules of the real world don't apply here—clearly. Maybe it was the kind of world where you didn't need to know anything about volleyball to participate in it. You scoff quietly to yourself. Or maybe I'm simply here to help move the plot along, you think. You were uncertain how it would help, though, because you do not really know what to expect in this novel. You only knew what this world was like.

You were still perplexed as to why you were cast as Minyoung's best friend when you lacked her exceptional traits. You'd offer nothing except that you'd always be the one who supposedly followed her about like a dog as her sidekick. To be honest, she didn't need you; she can make it on her own here with all of her main character privileges. But alas, you can not escape your fate. You know Minyoung has every intention of keeping you by her side.

You looked around with astonishment, as it was the first time you stepped into the school gymnasium. It was large enough to house two volleyball courts divided by a floor-to-ceiling net. You're assuming that each side is designated for each team.

Your snooping was cut short as you heard a ball roll onto your feet. You stare down at it before moving your gaze to the individual whose squeaky shoes have moved closer to you. Minyoung lets out a shriek.

"It's you! Please, please, please tell me it's you!" She hugs you tightly, the binder digging uncomfortably into you, and you brace yourself so she doesn't knock you over. From behind her, you can hear her teammates laughing, and you can even hear someone warning her to let you go before you both fall over. Minyoung ignores them and squeezes you even more.

"Uhm.. it's me?" You answered, puzzled as to why she was asking because she knew who you were.

"No, I mean, you're here as the new manager!" She says, pulling away from you to shake your shoulders.

"Oh, right. Co-manager, but sure," you shrugged, and she jumped up and down and embraced you again, so you laughed and hugged her back.

"You must be ___. We've heard so much about you." A team member extends her hand to shake yours, and you shake it as you cast a tentative glance towards Minyoung.

"All good things! Don’t worry," she continued when she noticed your expression.

Minyoung comes to a halt at her spot. "Wait, did you just say co-manager?" she asks, her face knitted, as she walks in front of you again.

"Yeah, they decided at the last minute to get two and split them between the teams," you say, nodding. "So I think I'll be switching between the guys' and girls' teams."

You watch her pout and cross her arms.

"I can't believe I have to share you with Jeon," she muttered but you don't hear her.

"Huh?" Your brow furrowed as you inquired of her.

She suddenly smiled and shook her head, "Nothing. I didn't say anything. Come on! I'll introduce you to the rest of the team."

The other girls must have found Minyoung's antics entertaining, obviously fond of her, because they were all smiles and chuckles when you were presented to the team. You could tell they were polite and had a lot of respect for your friend. Ah, so that’s why she’s captain, you thought as you saw them all interact with her.

You and the others were all smiling as Minyoung proudly displayed her jersey with the number 1 highlighted to you.

Her teammate, who you know as someone from another section of Year 3, taps her on the back and looks at you, "She worked really hard to earn the position of captain; please look after her—and us."

You grin at her sincerity. It's comforting to know that even when you're not around, people are looking out for Minyoung.

The introductions were cut short, however, when you saw someone raising the net in the center of the court and approaching the girls' side.

"When will we get our turn?" The silver-haired boy grumbled.

"You've had your time with her, so I'm taking her now," he said as he gently yanked at your free wrist and dragged you across the gym.

"Taehyung," you said sharply, rolling your eyes, "I can walk on my own." You pulled your hand back and grabbed the binder with both hands, hoping he wouldn't try to pull it back to him. He glances at you, and you give him a fake grin, but he only laughs in return.

You swear to the heavens this guy is giving you whiplash.

After that incident in the library– which made you think he actually hated you for some reason – he went back to being casual like nothing happened. You almost tripped over your own feet when he nodded at you in recognition in the corridors when you ran into each other at school; you were expecting him to just start ignoring your presence.

He boasted, "Be careful, I know I'm stunning, but you should watch your step."

You glared at him and scoffed, "as if," loud enough to be heard throughout the hallways. You saw that people were paying close attention to you, glancing your way and then looking at him. You had no regrets about that one, almost wanting everyone to know how appalled you were by his statement.

Taehyung called out to Jungkook once you both arrived where the others were. He turns around and collects the rest of his team when he sees you.

You bow to them and introduce yourself more formally than you did to the girls' team because you know it will take them longer to warm up to you. You didn't mind, and based on what you've heard from Minyoung, the boys' team is under a lot of pressure following their loss last year.

"I'm looking forward to working with you," you said softly.

"Please take good care of us," Jimin said as he took a step forward and bowed, followed by the others.

You reciprocate with a smile. Jimin was the most courteous of the three musketeers to you, with Taehyung a close second but more bothersome than polite, and Jungkook last since he never actually talks to you.

"You guys should get back to doing what you're doing," you say, and they started bowing slightly towards you before dispersing.

You see Taehyung reach out to ruffle your hair, but you catch his wrist and give him a cold stare. You attempt to break free from his grip as he reaches out his other hand to cover your eyes.

“Stop! You're really annoying!" You eventually broke free from his grip and pinched at his side, which he gripped tightly and dramatically whimpered. His antics make you roll your eyes.

Taehyung was a dangerous one, you thought, and certainly someone you should be wary of. You can never figure out who he is as a character because he acts one way one minute and then the total opposite the next. You think his charming smile is deceiving.

“Fine, fine,” He held his hands up in surrender, “You’re just fun to rile up,” he adds.

You breathed a sigh of relief as he finally stepped away, grabbing a ball from the cart and lifting it up to spike it to the other side. Just from that interaction, you feel like you've aged. You're hoping to be assigned to the girls' team more since you don't want to deal with Taehyung's erratic behavior any longer.

You take one final glance around before choosing to leave, but before you can even turn away, Jungkook jogs back towards you.

"Hey," He says tentatively.

“Hmm?" You hum back, uncertain how to respond since this is the first time he's really spoken to you directly.

He clutches the back of his neck.

"Would you mind if — I mean, did the coach say anything about..." He pauses, and you wait for him to finish, prompting him with a cocked brow.

You observe him hesitate for a moment before letting out a deep sigh.

"I– nevermind, I'll ask another time," he says as he walks away, leaving you to wonder what the hell just happened. That wasn't really a conversation; they were just a few words he uttered to you–which, by the way, didn't make any sense.

You shrugged as you shifted your gaze to the other side of the gym, waiting to attract Minyoung's attention before waving goodbye. She returns it with a nod and resumes giving directions to her teammates during a drill.

Taehyung notices your retreating figure and calls out your name.

"Bye!" You hear him yell in a singsong manner.

When you saw several kids looking in your direction as you approached the court's exit, you quickened your speed and covered your face with the item you were holding.

You can hear Jimin chuckle alongside him.

You were walking back to your building, taking your time and kicking on some pebbles along the way. Even though it was the end of the school day, many students were still there, engaged in their various extracurricular activities. The typically empty field was crowded with various clubs, some of which were practicing and others doing routines.

You slowed your pace as you turned away from the open field and peered beneath the purple tree nearby. You noticed Jin underneath it, clutching his phone to his ear and seemed to be engrossed in a serious conversation.

You feel like a creep doing it, but you couldn't help but notice how beautiful he looked with the wind brushing his hair and the tree's fallen petals dancing around him. The warm glow of the almost-setting sun gave him a serene look, and you couldn't help but grin when you noticed the tree's petals were almost the same color as his hair.

For a few moments, you just stood there, enthralled by the scene before you. It seemed like something out of a movie, only the peace and quiet contrasted with the grimace currently decorating his face.

You see him purse his lips while on the phone, brows knitted in what seemed to be exasperation, then converse again before his expression changes to a dejected one. His other hand brushed over his face, but it didn't smooth out the wrinkles caused by his frown.

You didn't realize you were approaching him slowly, so as he moved his weight to the side, his eyes landed on you.

You were taken aback by his attention, but you smiled and waved nevertheless, and you observed him halt for a second. His eyes softened and his face morphed into something akin to relief.

You can see him thinking about something, then he turns aside and talks into the phone once again, this time with more conviction than before.

He puts the phone down and walks toward you, meeting you halfway.

“That looked like an important phone call,” you point out once he reached you.

“Yeah, my dad.”

His dad?

You narrowed your eyes at him. But it looked like they were fighting over the phone, you thought.

"You haven't gone home yet?" He inquired as you both began walking back to your building, him matching your steps because you have shorter legs than he does.

"No, I'm returning from the gym." You turned your head away from him. "I'm apparently a manager now," you stated as casually as you could, trying to hide your embarrassment.

He must think I'm ridiculous for even considering going through with the application.

"No way! That actually worked?" He gasped exaggeratedly, and he nudged your shoulder with his. You rolled your eyes and shoved his shoulders away, causing him to trip over his feet as he cackled.

"You’re like, the least qualified applicant for that."

You huff in response, denying him the satisfaction of a spoken retort. I mean, he was right, but he didn't need to say it right to my face!

His laughter died down eventually and you were enveloped in silence. It wasn’t awkward, but it did seem uncharacteristic of him to be quiet around you. This was Jin, and he, like Hobi, practically never shuts up when he's with you guys, so it did cause you some concern. You wonder whether it has anything to do with the phone conversation he had with his father.

Because of his silence, you peered at him and noticed his eyes reflect his thoughts that were racing at a breakneck pace, his poker face gradually morphing back into a frown.

You feel your hand twitch. You kept your head straight and continued walking. After a few minutes of stillness in the atmosphere, you decide enough is enough and stop in your tracks.

He kept strolling aimlessly, and he would have kept walking if you hadn't grabbed his wrist to stop him. He staggered for a moment before looking at you, wide-eyed.

"You okay?" you ask casually, not wanting to seem nosy.

A few beats pass before he decides to reply.

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?" he replied, flashing the million dollar smile that you're used to seeing him show.

You responded with a hum and continued to stare at him. He attempts to hold your gaze for a few moments before turning away.

He began walking away again, and you followed suit, strolling side by side.

"You’re going to be alright, you know? Whatever it is." You tell him without looking, and you feel him turn to face you.

"And even if you're not fine now, that's okay too."

He waits a little longer before saying, "How do you know that?" like a whisper in the wind — as if he both wants and doesn't want you to hear it.

"Because," you laugh quietly, "I just know."

He's a protagonist, so you can tell him that in confidence. Things will always work out for him, even if they don't right now. Whatever he's worried about, you can be sure he'll overcome it with the aid of whatever forces the novel gods throw his way.

You, however, were lost. You had no notion why you were here, much less how things would turn out. You were blindly navigating your existence here, like if you were wandering down a long, dark corridor. You groan inwardly and forcefully push down the bitter sensation that had begun to sneak up on you.

You were so preoccupied with your own thoughts that you didn't see Jin staring at you as if you were the most complex puzzle ever devised.

How can she say that to me when she appears to be in the same boat as me?

"I don't know if I will, though. Be okay—I mean." He adds, his gaze fixed on you despite your lack of reciprocation.

You can't exactly explain to him why you were so certain of his future, so you settle on giving him a small shrug. You felt your fingers twitch as he gazed down on his fumbling hands and furrowed his brows even more. You turned to him to poke his cheek, and as soon as you did, you froze. He did too. You don't know why you just did that.

That's so embarrassing! Why did I poke his cheek!

You notice a menacing smirk forming on his face and before it could fully form, you let out a defensive huff.

"I just– you were frowning so much that you could nearly play the Grinch!" To emphasize your point, you flail your free arm about, although you doubt it helped. It only made you appear dumber.

When you heard him chuckle, you crossed your arms and walked faster.

"This face? C'mon, you're just spouting shit now."

You rolled your eyes at his reply. You can hear him closing in on you before you feel a tiny pat on the head and hear a hushed "thank you."

"Huh? For what?" you asked, but you were left with no reply as he raced ahead of you and opened the door to your classroom.

"You have been blessed with my presence!" He yells inside, and you shake your head before stepping in after him.

You notice him grabbing your seatmate's chair and twisting it around to annoy Yoongi when you finally get in after him. You gather the rest of your belongings and stuff them into your bag along with the new binder.

"Oh! Are you about to head home?" Hobi asks as he watches your movements. Only the four of you were left in the classroom, along with just a few other classmates.

"Minyoung is practicing until the end of the day today, and she told me to go ahead."

You were about to walk away with your bag hiked up on your shoulders when you heard a chair screech, which caused you to pause and look back.

"Wait a minute! Let's go hang out!"

Your brow furrows as you look at Jin.

You turned around and pretended not to hear him when you heard the sound of another chair being dragged back.

You think you know exactly what will happen. You sigh and pinch the bridge of your nose as you close your eyes.

"I don't want to go home yet, either, because no one is home and I'd get bored," Hobi says.

"Then you guys hang out and be bored together," you groan with your eyes still closed, your hand now covering it.

Jin pried your hands away from your face and had you headlocked before you could even move a centimeter away.

You try to push his arm away from you, but the man is much bigger and stronger than you.

"Let go right now," you threaten with a scowl before he lets go and pouts like a child.

You brushed off the imaginary dust on your blazer and straightened your hair before taking a deep breath and glaring at each of them.

"Look, I don't have energy for any more social interactions today. I'm all spent," you said, rather than attempting to explain that you're not exactly fond of whatever force of nature occurs every time they are exposed to other people's presence, just like that time at the library.

"Don't go home yet," Hobi exclaims as he snatches your wrist and swings it back and forth between you.

You sense yourself faltering a little and you hate yourself for it. You yank your hand away. Again.

"Nope, I'm leaving." For the nth time, you begin walking away.

"In that case, I'm coming with you!"

You yank your hair in frustration and turn around to see both of them ready to follow you like you're their kindergarten teacher and they're, of course, the kindergartners. You quickly cover your lips to avoid a chuckle from escaping due to the image before you, but your eyes betray you by crinkling up. The muted laughter you tried so hard to conceal wasn't lost to the two in front of you, and you watch them slowly smile triumphantly. You shook your head as you rolled your eyes. You knew you'd lost the first time you looked back.

Fine. Fuck. Whatever.

You straighten up before letting out a fake huff of irritation and glancing towards the back of the classroom.

"Are you coming, Yoongi?"

You see him sitting up straight and looking at you for a split second before unhooking his bag and standing up.

He came to a halt in front of you and formed a line with the other two. You turned around and raised your hand as if it were an invisible tour guide flag.

"All right, my ducklings, let's go!" you exclaimed as you led the way.

What you don't see is them glancing at each other in confusion before following you.

❀。• *₊°。 ❀°

You snapped a picture of them playing with your dad's gaming console in the living room and opened your messaging app.

[From: You] minyoung why did you leave me alone with the children :(((

[From: Choi Minyoung] im coming home soon from work my sweet, dont worry

She also included a kissy sticker with this one which made you smile.

[From: You] lol you're an idiot

[From: Choi Minyoung] i cant believe ur hanging out without me !!

[From: You] come over when you get here then

[From: Choi Minyoung] you know i will !!

You placed your phone down your side on the couch, and stretched your body that was now clad in comfortable clothes–some sweatpants and a loose shirt. The guys opted to just remove their navy blazers so they can move more freely.

"You guys hungry?" you inquired, but you received no response since they were too busy shouting at each other over Mario Kart.

You walk to the kitchen to see if you can make something, and as you're searching through the fridge, you hear the front door open.

As you padded along the foyer, you had a panicked expression on your face, and you heard the boys pause their game.

You exhale a sigh of relief as you see your father enter with paper bags in his hands.

As you approached him, you remarked, "I thought someone was breaking into our house." He chuckled.

"I left early since business was slow. They could all manage by themselves." You grabbed one bag from him to assist since he did bring a lot.

"And look, I packed so much food!" He looked down on what he was holding with a glimmer in his eyes. You bask in his joyous warmth, which brought a grin to your own face.

You walk ahead, but you hear him stop as he sees the figures who are occupying the living room. They all froze as you turned around to see them looking at your father looking at them. You rolled your eyes and huffed amusingly.

"These are my—" you hesitate, unsure what to call them "classmates. They've come to hang around."

Your father looks at you with wide eyes.

"You have friends?!"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"I mean, you have any friends besides Minyoung?"

"How does that wording make it better?"

You heard muted laughter from the sofa and cocked your brows at the three guys, your eyes giving them a warning. Your father promptly lays the paper bags to the ground and begins shaking their hands and introducing himself. You're surprised he's taking it so well, given that his teenage daughter just brought home three male friends, and he's casually shaking their hands. You grin at the notion that, while your father is extremely protective of you, he trusts you to surround yourself with nice people, and you know – or think – at least that these ones are harmless to you. You can see it as they all gently smile back, suddenly humble in the presence of an adult.

When he's done, he stands up straight and exclaims, "This is wonderful! I can't wait to embarrass her in front of you!"

"Embarrass—dad!" You scold him, but he ignores you and picks up the bags from the floor again, this time taking the one you were holding.

"What? You never invite friends around, this is a rare opportunity for me," he says, hiking the paper bags more tightly in his arms as you try to follow him to the kitchen, but he turns back.

"Let me prepare you all some dinner before I pull out the photo albums," he says to everyone.

"Wha- albums? Are you serious, Dad?"

You turn around in a panic, seeing both Hobi and Jin gripping their stomachs and laughing, and Yoongi with his head averted but his shoulders obviously shaking.

"Yah!" you scolded, stomping your feet childishly.

You approached them, pulled the controller from Hobi's grasp, and scowled at Jin.

"I'm going to beat your ass in Mario Kart just for that," you remarked, only to be met with an "I'd like to see you try."

After beating Jin in three games, gloating to him, "I told you so," and hearing him complain about how you were "cheating," you rose up and slipped the photo albums into your room, shoving them deep into the closet. You know your dad will not enter your room if you prohibit him, but you can't risk the albums falling into the hands of your friends. You think that seeing your baby photographs – which your father would undoubtedly bring out – and images of you as a child with different kinds of dirt on your face and clothes would be too embarrassing for you and too intimate for the degree of connection you currently have with those people in your living room.

You returned to find the coffee table full of food and your father talking to the guys, so you sat next to Jin and began eating as well. After putting the meal down, your father excuses himself and leaves you alone.

Minyoung arrives not long after and wraps her arms over your shoulders.

"I'm exhausted! And I miss you!" She complained in a whining tone while helping herself with a serving of food.

"We only saw each other a few hours ago."

"A few hours too long, you mean," she jokes, rolling her eyes before turning to the others. "What were you thinking when you chose to hang out here? I'm surprised she let you in."

"I didn't, they let themselves in," you claimed, but Yoongi interjected with a "No we didn't," which you didn't contradict because you were just kidding.

When Minyoung notices something, she glances around. "Where is Joonie?" She specifically asks Jin.

He swallows his food and then purses his lips.

"He had an important event to attend."

"Really? And you're not accompanying him? But don't you come in as a package?" She chuckles.

Jin frowns and has a distant expression on his face, and you suppose he didn't plan to show anybody, but you picked up on it. You raise an eyebrow at him, but he has his face turned away.

"They are joined at the hip." Hobi quips in, "Like me and Yoongi," he says, and you and Minyoung laugh because Yoongi doesn't dispute it and just keeps munching on his meal more intently.

When you glance at Jin, you see him playing with his food a little. You feel your hand twitch and sigh, remembering how distressed he looked earlier that afternoon and wanting to help him feel just a little bit better.

"All right, enough of that. Stop bothering him. Jin is his own person, you know?" You remarked, taking a piece of bulgogi with your chopsticks. From your peripheral view, you notice him turning to face you.

You sympathize with him a little because, while Hobi may not mind his name being linked with his best friend, Jin may. You sympathize because you, too, are now affiliated with Minyoung since you are there wherever she goes. Because you, too, come in a package. Her "best friend" is you. When people address you, they say, "___, you're Minyoung's friend, right?"

But you want to be more than that. You want to be more than just someone who people associate with Minyoung– or even with the sevens. You’re you, albeit sometimes irritable, shy, and prideful, you like to think there’s something in you that makes you special and exceptional as well. Your mom ingrained that in your brain as you were growing up.

"He may suck at Mario Kart, but I'm sure he has something amazing in there," you joked as you looked up but not directly in his eyes, and patted his head. You could feel his stare at you. He shrugged your hands off and turned away with a humorous sneer after a beat.

"I do not suck at Mario Kart," he said with genuine amusement.

"Yeah, sure. Whatever helps you sleep at night, Jin."

You see him try to headlock you, but you push him away first.

"Hey!” you tsked at him. “You're in my house, don't you dare." You warn him with a pointed finger.

You let them play some more after you finished eating, even indulged Hobi as he took pictures of and with you guys – which is something he seems to like to do. After a while, Hobi checks the time and tells the boys they should leave so as to not impose any further. You call out to your dad so they can say their goodbyes.

As you guide them all to the door, you notice Hobi wrapping his arms around Minyoung as they bicker, and Yoongi strolling with his hands in his pockets as usual. Even with his companions being as raucous as they were today, he remained calm.

You trailed after them, with Jin strolling alongside you.

"Thank you for having us today," he murmured quietly, and as you approached the door, he turned around to look at you.

You raised your head and simply shrugged at him. "It's whatever," you responded, earning a grin from him.

He was usually brazen and had little to no sense of personal space around you, so it startled you when he asked, "Can I have a hug?"

You were stunned, but you didn't think much of his request, so you nodded casually, and he drew you into an embrace, exhaling a long sigh.

He felt a weight lifted off his shoulders when he drew away.

"All right, enough of that! You could miss your train." Minyoung chides them and shoves them towards the direction of the elevators.

She waves them goodbye as you lean against the railing in front of your apartment doors, gazing out at the city lights.

It now occurs to you that you have let them in, entering your home, your bubble, and your personal space. It was terrifying because you were unaware of it as it was happening. Or maybe you were, but chose to ignore it. But a voice in the back of your mind tells you that you can't deny that you had a good time today. Maybe it's alright. Maybe this isn't that horrible. You consider getting caught up in this life, planting your roots here, but knowing what you know, it is all easier said than done.

The light in the hallway starts to flicker. You turn around and don't see Minyoung; you assume she's gone back to their flat, despite the fact that you didn't hear the click of their door. You simply shrugged.

You close your eyes and lean against the railing once again. You wait for the thousand thoughts in your brain to calm before opening them, and as soon as you do, someone pulls you into an embrace.

You gasp in surprise and shove them away, turning around to find Minyoung startled and even a little offended that you pushed her away.

"Minyoung? What are you doing there?" You said, your mouth agape after speaking.

"What do you mean? I've been here the entire time. I just waved the guys off." She looks at you incredulously.

What? She offers you another embrace and pats your behind as she coos, before you can even grasp what she just said and what she meant.

"I'm going in now. Don't stay out too late–there could be bugs."

When she turns around, you can hear the distinctive chime of the door opening and the click of it closing.

You shook your head and exhaled a confused sigh. Maybe you just exhausted yourself today. You don't want to acknowledge it, but hanging out with the others today was enjoyable. It did drain a significant amount of your energy, though.

You give a little smile and stroll back into your flat, almost unconsciously.

❀。• *₊°。 ❀°

It was break time, and you were returning after speaking with the volleyball team adviser about organizing a practice game with a nearby school's team. You've been taking your manager responsibilities seriously, and you've done a lot of research and worked hard to be an efficient one. You reasoned that even if you obtained the job by sheer luck, you may as well give it your best so you don't humiliate yourself.

The coach has even commended you on your organization skills.

"See, there's a reason I knew I had to choose you," he remarked, smiling.

You were ready to enter the classroom when you noticed the sight inside and came to a halt. You notice the sevens gathered around your table conversing, and Minyoung has taken a seat in your chair. You marvel at the fact that they look like they're in the middle of a photoshoot, with their nice looks, faint smiles, colored hair, and all.

But, soon, the smile fades from your face.

They looked picture-perfect in this position. You have the feeling that if you step in, you will seem completely out of place. You gaze down at your own dark hair, a stark reminder of your place. You know you're supposed to keep in their shadows, yet you can't help but feel spiteful. It's not a pleasant feeling to always feel inadequate. Being around all of these great personalities would gradually sap your self-confidence, and insecurity is an emotion that does not settle well for you. It makes you want to claw at your skin.

You were ready to suck it up and take a step when you felt a tap on your shoulder. You notice a girl with short black hair beaming at you.

"Hello, my name is Jinah." She said, "And these are my friends," pointing to two girls behind her.

"Would you want to join us at the cafeteria? We were on our way there," she said with a warm smile. You take a peek around before pointing at yourself.

“Me?”

“Of course silly, who else?" she playfully rolled her eyes. "So?”

You pause for a moment. They actually want to befriend me? You take a breath in.

This may be your chance for a taste of normalcy, away from the sevens and Minyoung, and you seize it impulsively, too elated to think too hard about it.

You nodded eagerly, and Jinah took your arm in hers as she led you to the cafeteria. In any other circumstance, you would avoid the cafeteria and would not go anywhere near it. But, because you were certain that the main protagonists were in the classroom, you were confident that there would be no incidents in the cafeteria today. It was simple, and unlike the library, you didn't feel like you were suffocating. You find yourself just talking about whatever you want with Jinah and her two other pals, Minji and Ayeong.

They asked about you and told you stories as you ate food. You were in the midst of laughing at something Jinah said when Minji tapped the table to gain your attention.

"Are you friends with Minyoung?" You pause for a beat before nodding cautiously.

“Right! And I've seen you around the Seven Princes as well," Ayeong adds and you grimaced at the nickname.

“Uhh.. yeah, I guess." you looked down at the table and felt Jinah nudge her companions in the shin under the table.

You look up to see her turn to you and say, "Don't mind them, you didn’t have to answer that."

She gives you a smile and you tilt your head at her when she looks away. She slid a carton of chocolate milk across the table to you and resumed casual conversation.

You tightened your grip on the beverage in your hand. You felt another piece of yourself chip away. You're no longer just you. You may be exaggerating, but you feel like you've been reduced to just being "someone who is friends with Minyoung and occasionally hangs out with the sevens."

You don't think they notice your silence as they continue to talk.

When the warning bell rang, they waved you goodbye, and you parted ways.

As you walked inside the classroom, you noticed that the group that had earlier gathered around your table had gone. You sat in your chair, but you couldn't help but feel a lingering gaze on you. You simply stare down at your hands and allow your thoughts to overwhelm you, not caring to listen to anything the teacher says in front of you.

You were sitting in a fast-food restaurant, caught up in conversation when Jinah clears her throat from beside you.

It was after a few days when Jinah and her friends invited you to hang out again after class, but this time you had the courtesy to text Minyoung about it, although you didn't identify particular names. She was already occupied during training, anyway, and your manager duties aren’t always needed during it. You decide to give it another go – perhaps they were simply genuinely curious and didn't mean to pry into your relationship with Minyoung and the Sevens.

“So, Minyoung, huh?” She starts off and you give her a questioning look.

Suddenly?

"Uhm," you cough awkwardly, "Why’d you bring her up suddenly?"

She shrugs, but you catch a glimpse of mischief in her eyes. "Nothing. It's just.." she shrugs innocently. "Must be hard to be friends with the golden girl, huh? Don’t you ever feel insecure? That you’re always being compared to her?"

I am?

In retrospect, you should have known better. The warning lights should have flashed the instant she opened her lips. You've dug yourself a hole with this one, but you were not aware of it.

“She – no, she’s nothing but nice to me. It’s not..” you trail off because you couldn't bring yourself to lie. It is hard. You can’t deny that. It’s hard being blinded by Minyoung’s light when you know you can never compare to her.

Jinah lets out a triumphant smile that you don’t see. Bingo, She thinks. The moment she caught news of the girl that’s hovering over Minyoung whom she hasn’t seen with her the years before, she knew it could be an opening to rip that girl apart. And now that she’s hooked you in, she’s going straight for it.

That bitch. What’s so special about her? She’s not even all that, yet people are always all over her.

She looked at you, seeing you chew on your lip. This is too easy, she’s obviously insecure, she thinks. It looks like it wouldn’t be hard to poke on her wounds.

“Come on, you can tell us. We understand you.” Minji coaxes. “We know how she can be, we’ve been her classmates before.”

You knitted your brows. They know how Minyoung can be?

You recall all the times you've spent with Minyoung. You recall her scared eyes when she felt the stares from that very first day, as well as the desperate look in her eyes when she tried to keep you close. She always looked at you with warm eyes and made you feel included in her own way. She was the reason you were finally, slowly coming out of your shell.

But then you remember how you merely stood beside her and felt like you couldn't breathe, with intrusive thoughts about your own anxieties nagging you. You recollect the moments when you couldn't even be considered your own person since you were nothing without her in this world.

You look up to meet their eyes and see them look expectantly at you.

"I..." you said instinctively beneath their stare, and you could feel their excitement grow. You narrow your eyes at them, thinking Jinah let her guard down too much since you noticed a wicked glimmer flash in her eyes. The realization hits you, and your blood runs cold, as if you've been doused with ice water.

They're using you. They’re using you to dig dirt on Minyoung.

And you almost gave in.

You felt sick, felt the bile threaten to rise up from your throat. You abruptly stood up from your seat, never minding that the chair almost toppled over.

They think you were an easy target to get to her.

You felt tears prick your eyes from the anger.

You straightened up and gave them the coldest stare you could muster, and you swear you almost saw Ayeong flinch.

"Don't ever talk to me again," you muttered in a low growl as you grabbed your bag and walked away, but Minji grabbed your forearm in her grasp.

“Wait! Do you know the phone numbers of the seven princes?”

You return her look with one of horror, astonished at her audacity, and scoffed loudly before ripping your arm away from her.

“You stupid bitch! You drove her away!” You hear Jinah yell at her friend as you walked away.

You stormed out of the establishment, furiously brushing away tears you hadn't realized were falling from your eyes. You despise the fact that you were played only because of your affiliation with them. You wanted to blame them, to believe it was their fault.

You were so naïve to think that someone else would want to be friends with you just as you are.

#bts au #ot7 x reader #bts fluff #bts x reader #jungkook fanfic #taehyung fanfic #yoongi fanfic #namjoon fanfic #jhope fanfic #hoseok fanfic #oc reader #isekai #jimin fanfic #seokjin fanfic #alternate universe #bts fic #bts fanfiction #bangtan x oc

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