#but chapter 11 was so long and i am genuinely so proud of this fic you guys

[takiki16]

A Fine Chain

UPDATE: Chapter 11/?

Fandom: Jupiter Ascending

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Beta: @gallifreyburning

Relationships: Jupiter Jones/Caine Wise

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Light Dom/sub, Power Imbalance, Royalty, Slavery, Collars, Leashes, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Don’t copy to another site, Dark

Summary: Caine Wise, disgraced ex-Skyjacker and convicted criminal, is suddenly inducted into the service of the enigmatic Queen Nea-Seraphi, mysterious new Recurrence and puzzle to the Entitled social circle. While figuring out the boundaries of his new station, worrying about his old commander, and nursing old wounds from his court martial, Caine finds himself slowly being drawn into the confidence of his royal employer. What could Her Majesty possibly want with a defective splice?

Spoilers for Chapter Eleven without context:

[asexual-spongebob]

The Waves That Lap The Shore - Chapter 30 - Closing Time

Notes:

I can’t believe this fanfic is actually coming to an end- it feels like just yesterday this was just a concept. Just a thought. Just an idea. Just a drawing. But now here I am, many months later. Posting the last chapter… But don’t worry! Our beloved fish dudes aren’t going to be completely gone after this! I have a feeling I’m still going to think about this AU quite a bit. Who knows, maybe in the future I’ll post some one shots of them. And I know for a fact I’ll probably still make animations or pmvs with them most likely. I have actually made some pmvs of this au already if you’d like to watch them For yourself:) https://m.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLW7sHfzMCSsxyuwvZ9RvFfwjukOMHv1_3

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Hey it’s Shellington! It’s been many years since the “Kwazii was bitten by a cobra”  incident. I still can’t believe that was 11 years ago! 

I’m thankful that he survived!

Now Kwazii’s the captain of the Octopod, Barnacles retired a few years ago and now lives up in the Arctic near Pearl and Bianca. 

Inkling is still here, somehow. Koshi helps ink out in the library. 

Me and Peso are happily married and have been for almost ten years! Our anniversary is coming up. 

Kwazii and Paani and Dashi and Tweak also got married many years ago. 

After the “Kwazii was bitten by cobra” incident Kwazii and Paani found a newborn kitten (which they named Kai, as it means ocean or sea in several languages.) and took her in. Kai is 11 years old and they are quite intelligent, they like watching me do my experiments. 

Me and Peso also have a child  as well, their name is Lucia and they are almost 11 years old, she’s an albino sea otter and I saved her from being eaten by a predator. 

Periwinkle is now in college and is majoring in Marine Biology, we still talk quite often. 

We look back fondly (or… not so fondly) on our adventures (and misadventures) together. 

Like that time Peso got moonstruck and through that party, or our crazy times in the Amazon! Or the time Paani forced us all to watch (or in me and Dashi’s case, rewatch) Invader Zim. We all became fixated in the process-

Anyway. Thanks for reading our story :) 

~ Shellington Sea Otter.

Notes:

Holy shit that was a wild ride. I just want to thank everyone for reading this fic, leaving a comment, leaving kudos, likes or upvoting, it really means the world to me. I genuinely didn’t think so many people would want to read this kind of fic, but boy was I mistaken. I’m honestly very proud of this, this is the first ever long fic I actually finished and didn’t abandon. How I even thought of this AU was I saw my dear friend, Midori’s Octonauts Mermaid AU “Reclaimed By Nature” (which by the way, is a very good fanfic, I’d definitely recommend giving it a read! Especially if you’re a fan of Kwazton and Pearlanca! You can read it here: https://reclaimed-by-nature.carrd.co/) And I thought that was pretty neat. So I wondered to myself “huh… what if I made a H2O x Octonauts AU?” So I started to think of concepts. I had a couple in mind, one of the first being that Shellington would keep the secret much longer (he didn’t even tell Peso for awhile, which he would’ve felt very guilty about) and that he would’ve been very stressed about keeping it hidden from everyone. (Which, was inspired by a merman Lewis h2o AU fic I read, called H2O: A New Tail) Another one I had was basically the same as the first, but Peso would’ve found out sooner, as he would’ve gone after Shellington after got splashed while they were cleaning the beach, and he would’ve found him in the kelp forest. Shell would’ve tried to tell him that it was just a costume but Peso wouldn’t have really bought that so he would’ve told Peso the truth and Peso would’ve been like “it’s okay I still love you :) <3” One of the things I originally planned for this fic was that it’d be short, around 12 or 13 chapters, and that It’d just be about the lives and times of Peso and Shellington after Shellington became a merman. But now here we are, many chapters and scrapped concepts later- I actually even have an AU of this AU, it’s basically where I put all my scrapped concepts (one of the being that Paani was always a merm, I even wrote a short one shot about it, which I’ll probably post sometime soon) I named it “The Sight”. I originally planned for this fic to have 40 chapters, but I realized that many of them were unnecessary, so I scrapped most of them, other then my concept for chapter 35, which I kept and incorporated into chapter 29. Also I might make a story about Kai and Lucia??? If y’all really want that… It’s probably not gonna be anything big, just one shots or something but I mean maybe? If that’s what y’all want? Like I’d be happy to write a short fics on their origin story’s. After this fic, I might write a fic for another Octonauts AU I came up with that ive nicknamed “Invader Kwazii”. It’s an Invader Zim x Octonauts AU where Kwazii is sent to conquer Earth by The Tallest (who are Barnacles and Inkling) because they think he’s worthy of it. And it’s basically the plot of Invader Zim after that, there’s a few differences (like how it takes place in high school) tho, but other then it’s very similar to the plot. It also has Kwazini. It’s a little passion project for me, not to mention I’ve got plenty of ideas of how I want it to go. Another AU of mine I’ve been thinking about writing is my “Vampire Kwazton AU” it’s basically a AU where Shellington is a vampire and it takes place during the early 1990s when Grunge music was the big thing. It’s still a w.i.p but that might be a fic I write in the future, if I do I might just be a ficlet collection or something of the sort. Another fic I have I in mind is for my “Shellinoir” AU. Which will probably be a series of one shots. I came up with it after watching the SpongeBob episode “Squid Noir” which is where I got the title. It’ll likely be just a series of one shots. I also am currently pre writing an Invader Zim AU fanfic, it’s an AU where Dib and Gaz are sirens. I’ve currently got some chapters of it already written, however I want to finish it before I post it. I feel like this fic has taught me a lot and I’m glad.

[woollenpharaohs]

woollen_pharaohs’s AO3 rundown So i’ve hit the coveted 1 million wordcount marker on AO3 and on top of that it is coincidentally now over 10 years since i signed up with AO3! No better time to analyse the stats page and talk about my progress as a writer over the last decade. 

I joined AO3 on 14th December 2012 and have published 115 works since then. Here are the main stats as of 1/1/23:

Word counts My longest fic, at 179,562 words is Salvation (A Discography), a Daredevil fic in which the characters assume dual roles as their Daredevil components as well as being musicians heavily based on the real lives of Black Rebel Motorcycle Club band members. It was an ambitous, lengthy work which remains unfinished to this day. It was also the first and only fic I’ve ever had beta read - thank you to wtchcool for all your hard work. The best advice i got from her was to keep chapters short which is something i definitely did not do for this fic, but have taken on board since. 

The fandom i wrote the most words for, other than the Daredevil fandom which totalled 257,093 words laregely dominated by the sheer length of Salvation, was It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia (IASIAP). I wrote a total of 11 fics for the fandom totalling 242,520 words, including a 2 part vampire epic. Written in a similar vein as Salvation, it was a crossover of the IASIP and Fargo (TV) worlds (because both shows starred the same actors) in an attempt to fill in gaps between both narratives and also because vampires are cool. Finishing Murmurations, at 193,299 words across 2.5 parts (.5 being a primer), was a massive personal feat for me. It proved to me that i could write a multi-chapter novel length fic and bring it to a satisfactory conclusion. It gave me the courage to start writing my original novel not long after. 

Hits The total amount of hits I have as of today are 201,896. 

My top 5 most popular fics are:

Play Your Cards Close To Your Chest (Daredevil) with 13,453 hits 

Stillness In Time (Bob’s Burgers/Teen Wolf crossover WIP) with 12,911 hits

Two Sane Guys Doing Normal Things (Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency) with 12,118 hits

Heartbeats (Daredevil) with 9,958 hits

Kiss and Tell (Letterkenny) with 7,474 hits

The popularity of Play Your Cards amuses me. I tried to do a 5+1 thing but couldn’t think up of enough pranks. Some of them are based on real things that happened to me and the rest on google lol. I am not too proud of the prose and am consistently surprised when i get kudos for this fic. One thing i did really enjoy about writing and posting this fic was the amount of support i was getting from the Daredevil fandom. It’s got to be one of the best fandoms i’ve ever written for. 

Stillness in Time also cracks me up. I swear the hits must be as high as they are because of the fandom crossover is fucking bonkers. Literally don’t know what I was thinking. I definitely had not end in mind for that fic so it will remain a WIP forever. Sometimes i want to orphan this fic but it’s just too funny not to have attached to my username. 

Two Sane Guys - genuinely proud of this fic. Likewise with Hearbeats. Kiss and Tell though? Don’t even fucken remember what that’s about. 

Most prolific year I’ve published at least one fic every year since 2012 when I made my account. I also back-dated a fic i published on fanfic.net from 2009. 

In 2017 I wrote a total of 25 fics for a total of 126,369 words. I wrote for 12 different fandoms, the most being 6 for IASIP and 5 for Letterkenny. 2017 was probably my best year for writing and creativity. Some of my favourite fics i have ever written are from 2017, such as: 

Television Blues (As You Are (film)) - An alternative, happy ending to the film. 

The Burning House (IASIP) - a short fic where Mrs Mac and Bonnie Kelly are kind of in love but also want to murder each other. 

The Edge of The World Pt. 1 (Pond (band)) - I had just come back from a creative writing workshop at uni and poured all of my creative energy into this piece. I think it’s probably the best thing i’ve ever written though it probably doesn’t make any sense to non-australians. 

2017 also saw me writing for a variety of rarepairs, rare fandoms, new kinks and was the year i started writing Murmurations. That being said, it’s also the year where i wrote a bunch of fics i can’t even remember. Like all those Letterkenny and Rhett & Link ones? Completely wiped from my brain. Looks like my writing but did I write it? who knows. 

2022 follows closely having written 22 fics, 3 less than 2017 but with a slightly higher word count at a total of 129,420 words. During 2022 i was mostly writing music RPF and blutchest. I attribute this to being absolutely deranged. 

Comments and Kudos The total number of comment threads I have are 658 with a total of 13,665 kudos!!! Amazing. Thank you for anyone who has ever commented/kudosed my fics. The most comments I have received is 71 on the first part of Murmurations, followed by 62 on the second part. I received 31 comments on Salvation and 28 on Play Your Cards. 14 of my 115 fics have not received a comment which is pretty good in the grand scheme of things. 

That being said, I usually don’t pay attention to comment counts. I love getting comments don’t get me wrong but i don’t think comments or hits are a genuinely good representation as to whether my readers actually like the work. Kudos is probably the best way to gauge it.

Top kudos count favours the Daredevil fics I’ve written. 

Top Kudosed fics:

Play Your Cards - 790 kudos

Two Sane Guys - 686 kudos

Spin The Bottle (Daredevil) - 638 kudos

Heartbeats - 636 kudos

White Noise (Daredevil) - 481 kudos

Still amused that Play Your Cards is up there at number 1. Spin The Bottle i assume is up there because it was the first shippy matt/foggy fics to be posted to ao3 when the show was airing on netflix. It’s high kudos count i attribute primarily to thirst of readers at a time when the post-comics Daredevil fic content was a wasteland. People still seem to really like my Daredevil fics given i still get kudos notification emails about them. Maybe one day it will be another fandom. 

Ship categories Looks like my most popular ship category was m/m, with a total of 86 works for that type of ship, followed by 15 for femslash. 

The 2 ‘other’ are used specifically for Ragnarok (TV 2020) because one of the shipped characters is a shapeshifter, able to to shift between boy and girl and even have body parts of both at will. I thought that’s probably an appropriate reason to use the ‘other’ category for lol.

Bookmarks Readers have bookmarked my fics 1,511 times. I usually don’t care about bookmarks either because users can remove bookmarked works. It’s not a permanent stat like a hit or a kudos. What i do love are people who leave comments in the bookmark sections. I don’t mind that some of them are rude, they make me laugh. Here are a few of my favourites over time: 

I got bored of going through all the bookmarks, i’m sure there’s more good nuggets in there. i think my favourite thing about bookmarks is sometimes users forget that it’s actually a publicly viewable feature unless they make it a private bookmark. it’s like a second way to get a comment and i love to see what people write when they think i can’t see it. 

Fandom firsts One thing i enjoy is creating fandom tags by being the first person to post a fic to it (looks at the camera like in The Office). Tags i’ve created are usually for music RPF. Some i’m proud of starting include Soulwax/2manydjs (band), Pond (band), Raised By Wolves (TV), Key & Peele (TV), Kidding (TV), Intergalactic (TV). In temrs of ship firsts, I’ve written for a lot of rarepairs who have never been written about before and probably never will be again so no use tooting my horn about those lmao. 

I used to also keep track of fandoms i had written for where my fic was the most popular in the fandom but usually in the case of Daredevil, IASIP or even Dirk Gently, a fic’s popularity was usually helped if the author had a strong tumblr following which i have never been able to achieve lol... nor do i really want for that matter given the insane shit i write. I’ll top the rare fandoms by default given nobody else writes for them lmao. easy award! 

Fic titles sometimes i have originality okay? Very rarely. Exactly... 55 out of 115 fic titles have I thought of an original name for a fic, i.e. not a song title and not a direct quote from the fandom the fic is written for. 

Conclusion Well, that’s it! it’s been fun to go through my stats page and see what’s been happening. I hope to one day see some of my other fics exceed the popularity of my current most popular fics but given i now tend to mostly write for fandoms of one, i don’t see that that will change in 10 years time lmao. 

[ollieofthebeholder]

for "leaves too high to touch (roots too strong to fall)", 10, 11, 16, and 20 for the ask game!

I am actually going to answer 10 under the cut, because, y'know, it's a 60-chapter fic, so. XD

11. Was there a scene that you hadn't originally planned to include? Why did you decide to fit it in?

It's not exactly a secret that I did not originally plan to include Walter's statement. I wasn't sure it would fit the flow of the fic. The reason I decided to include it was twofold. First, everybody kept asking for it; I was going to write it and just, like, post it as a one-shot separately, but the more I looked at the plot and what I was doing with it, the more I realized it had some plot relevance after all. And second...somebody actually figured out the final twist in that statement, long before I'd even decided for sure that I wanted to include it. (Since this is outside the cut, no spoilers.) I'd had it in the back of my head at the start of the fic, but actually, by the time I wrote the chapter that got that comment, I'd decided not to include that particular headcanon in this fic. And then Tinyzoar said "you know, I almost thought that..." and I went OH HELL IT CAME OUT ANYWAY MIGHT AS WELL GO FOR IT.

I'm glad I did. I think it definitely added something to the final few scenes for MP to have that knowledge.

Beyond that, there were definitely a few moments I didn't plan on that came up (Charlie, JonMarTim, Sasha's uncle - fun fact, I originally had a VERY different explanation for why she could hear the worms singing!), but it wasn't so much that I decided to include them as I just...let them happen as they came up.

16. What was the easiest scene to write?

Weirdly, I think it was Chapter 39 - the confrontation with the Not-Them. There were a lot of chapters that just flowed (especially the statement ones), but Chapter 39 was the one that came closest to the Ernest Hemmingway quote: "Writing is easy. You just sit down at a typewriter and open a vein."

20. What is something you wish more people noticed about this fic?

Tim. Specifically, how Tim behaves around Martin Prime.

(Okay, I lied. I have to put the cut here because I can't answer this fully without spoilers!)

I actually don't know if anyone noticed at all - nobody ever made a big deal out of it in the fic, and I didn't see anyone comment on it - but from the moment Tim found out Martin Prime was blind, he made a point of announcing himself every time he entered a room or left it - or any time someone else entered a room or left it. It was just a little thing on Tim's part, as far as he was concerned, and Martin Prime did tell him (off-screen) that he noticed and appreciated it immensely, but yeah, I kind of wish more people had noticed that, because it's meant to be a small but important insight into Tim's character.

(Also, while everyone noticed the shift from ARCHIVIST/PAST ARCHIVIST to JON/PRESENT ARCHIVIST in the last scene, nobody commented on the fact that the Primes' POV chapters were in past tense and the past crew's POV chapters were in present tense unless I pointed it out, and I admit to being slightly disappointed about that, because I was kind of proud of that stylistic choice. XD)

10. Share a screenshot of the original outline (if you dareee😈)

Technically this isn't the original outline, it's the final outline, but I genuinely can't remember which chapters I added after my initial outline, beyond Walter's statement. (I think it was 44, 48, and 49, but don't swear me to that.)

Send me a number + the title of one of my fics and I'll answer!

[fouralignments]

3, 4, 11, 17?

Sorry for not getting back to you yesterday. I took a ten mile walk and was utterly exhausted when I got your question.

3. In Morning Light and Love’s Embrace, I thought it was soft and cute and just very loving and sensual without having to write sex. I adore the imagery and all the little plot/backstory weaving together. I really want to come back to it and write the Passover part/Erik's proposal, its thoroughly hinted at and people have been commenting on it.

4. Of Jet Fuel, Self-Doubt, and Fatherhood, I was genuinely surprised that this became my most popular fic via hits. I just didn't get as to why it got so popular so quickly; I thought it was short, but that's not true I have written shorter. And I must admit, I don't think its my best work by far.

The God and the Thief, which currently has 42 Subscriptions, which is the highest of all my fics. I thought this story was far to niche and Sabah Nur in the Dadneto fandom wasn't that popular as a villain or as a counterpoint to Erik. Its also the fic where I overindulge in a style, in my view is very close to novel-istic writing like professional published. Though I am really proud of myself for writing chapter 2, its my longest piece (total of 22 pages); now can be considered a Novella.

11. I adore 3rd person omniscient, I like the flexibility that it brings and I can switch between POV, fairly easily. But I would rather stick pins in my eyes than write in the first person; I can't even read first POV fanfiction, it breaks my emersion. Though the the Great Gatsby doesn't bother me. I might go into deep style now and again without knowing it.

17.

Chapter 3: The Tan Room/ SOS of My Son Comes Back to Me

Its currently 6 pages and 1629 words long, the placements of the scenes are correct, its just matter of expanding and completing them. But Charles and Erik still have issues pertaining to the events of DOFP; Erik not feeling like an equal to Charles in their relationship; a bit of mystery around Peter; some flashbacks and mood setting in the Mansion; Charles Xavier being a pompous ass. Remy, who was originally supposed be a reference; I have now came up with a subplot for him. There is a lot.

I am really leaning toward a more Columbo style mystery where it isn't about whodunit, but how Charles and Erik are going to catch En Sabah Nur and become the power couple the audience knows that they can be if they sort out their shit.

Shabbat Shalom

Its done and it was even a draft in Ao3, but I just didn't publish it.

It's about the Xavier-Lehnsherr family celebrating Rosh Hashanah and Erik and Charles are helping Pietro and Wanda (First time writing her actually). With a metallokinesis! Pietro, he's having quite the hard time controlling his powers. Pietro feeling isolated and goes into how he didn't graduate from high school because the system failed him; its based on my own family history that came into light after my dad died.

The pandemic unmoored me in a way, I was very assured by beliefs before all of this. I realized that I had no rituals, had very little friends.

The lockdowns made me think, once there was nothing more to consume with TV and movies. I was left with nothing but my thoughts; I was closer to death than most because I saw day in and day out my mom coming home and taking off her scrubs and putting them in the wash and jumping into the shower. There were some nights, where I thought I was going to lose her. With the mass death, I just wanted someone to blame and be angry at with Covid and my dad's diagnosis. I wanted something to be angry at.

All that I could do was write. I would call my works meditations on Judaism.

But I wrote Shabbat Shalom, during those darkest hours. I found more comfort in a holiday that I didn't even celebrate than X-Mas of that year. I don't where I heard this from, but writing and publishing, and telling stories is about connection.

X-Mas brought no joy, no reassurance, the tree had lost all meaning. I just went through the motions.

I also started listening to the Hashivenu podcast.

I had another existential crisis when my father died; I don't know shit and what did I want out of life?

I cried when I was editing it. Because I went OH, OOOOHHHHH....I had the realization that I wasn't just writing about the characters anymore, but myself.

I don't want to publish because its far too personal to me. I wouldn't mind sending it personally to my friends...

Here we are studying the scared text of X-Men that has brought us all together.

There is just something that I really like about Judaism; I think its finding the scared in the everyday.

[areyougonnabe]

Fic Writer Questions!

tagged by @palamedessextus !!! thank u i love to procrastinate on writing by writing about writing

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

110 on my main account (+ 4 on my sneaky sock for Crimes™ lol)

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

614,551 on my main account which is. hm. a lot

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

obvi the main ones are the terror (50 fics) and good omens (35 fics). beyond that: TMA, the OA, doctor who, LOST, red dwarf, what we do in the shadows, the aubreyad, legends of tomorrow, banished, MCU, bbc ghosts, jeeves & wooster, russian doll, true detective, twin peaks, fleabag, & it's always sunny.

so technically 19, but wow a LOT of those are because i am a fiend for crossovers. (true detective x red dwarf... twin peaks x hannibal... the OA x lost.... russian doll x doctor who...) and many of the others were one-offs for yuletide. i'm pretty monofannish when it comes to writing!

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

lol they're all going to be for good omens... let's see

1. "it's a new craze" - the podcast fic. imho this fic is the definition of "The Claw," a.k.a. the phenomenon that sees some fics plucked out from the fray to become super popular. i'm not denying that it's good! i still think it's pretty clever! but its popularity was probably as much a function of timing as of quality

2. "what a way to make a living" - the uber driver fic. honestly still pretty proud of this one, it flows well and is structurally interesting and genuinely very funny and the perfect length. i had a blast in good omens fandom writing comedic fic, this one

3. "dearly departed" - another one i'm still very happy with. my first ever finished multi-chapter fic & the story that proved to me i could sustain a plot and original characters and also that people would actually enjoy it. so a pretty big deal!

4. "blame it on my juice, baby!" - the fake love potion one. i wrote this fic while delirious with horrible fever cooped up in a tiny council flat airbnb bedroom in london. i think it's still pretty strong although since writing it i've developed a severe aversion to the "meddling friend engineers a get-together" trope in fic & so cringe a bit when i read it back, lmao

5. "greatest hits" - the one with the original songs! the songs are still good.... the fic is ehhhhhhh i guess.

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

i don't respond to comments on most of my gomens fic anymore because 🤷‍♀️ but i do try to reply to everything i get on my terror fic/smaller fandom stories! my replies are usually very lame but i do like to take the time to thank people for reading.

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

i usually don't write angsty endings because i'm a weenie BUT the one exception is probably my terror/TMA crossover which cannot be said to end well by any means lol

7) What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

dearly departed has a very lovely ending... i will also plug my OA fic heat rises which is GREAT and has a GREAT ending and nobody read it because nobody watched the OA. i'm fine it's fine

8) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

as mentioned above, yes, compulsively... award for craziest simply has to go to It's Always Sunny In Another Dimension which is, yes, an IASIP x OA crossover. i apologize for nothing

9) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

not that i can recall, [bubbe voice] tenks gad!!!

10) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

i do i do.... when i first picked up fic writing again after college i thought smut would forever totally beyond me but after some very kind encouragement from friends i tried my hand at it & was off to the races.

i would not say i am an expert at it by any means but i have a lot of fun with it, & people seem to generally appreciate it, so i will keep going!

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

also no, phew

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes, a bunch of my gomens fics have been translated into chinese and russian, which is so so super cool!

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yuh, i had a few legendary cowrites in GO! the slow show metafic with cherry @fremulon and the shitscript crossover extravaganza with hallie @kalelraejepsen !!! both tremendously fun experiences

14) What’s your all time favorite ship?

that is a very tough one. if you go by my ao3 bookmarks it's aziraphale/crowley, which might be true still tbh... but i dunno. maybe ten/rose because that shit never leaves you.

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

in terms of fic i already started posting, there's my one terror WIP with amnesiac tozer that i swear i WILL finish one day... and same goes for my good omens music & lyrics AU, which i fully expect to pick back up and finish off when i inevitably return to the fandom for series 2.

as far as stuff that never made it out of drafts, i started a hodgson-centric fic a few weeks ago that i got like 4k into before realizing i need to seriously refine my approach. so hopefully after exe fest i will get around to that!

16) What are your writing strengths?

well i am funny. so i've got that going for me. other than that ummmm i don't know. i don't think of myself as a particularly good or strong writer bc i really am just here for a laff. i think i can turn a phrase well and get the most out of imagery; i'm good at coming up with compelling story concepts and weird gimmicks, i guess?

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

i fundamentally don't know or understand how People Actually Act And Feel so i have a hard time getting realistic or interesting reactions and conflicts out of characters. my plots (when my stories have them at all) are very powered by external events, i wouldn't call myself a character-driven writer by any means. for the same reasons i struggle with voice and dialogue beyond superficial signposting via vocabulary/syntax. also, sustaining a long story/finding enough Stuff To Happen to fill it up/having the patience to keep writing... is something i need to work on for sure.

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

i'm a lame american who only speaks english so honestly i don't really have thoughts!

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

i distinctly remember hand-writing in my notebook two or three pages worth of a story about what happened to the main precog in "minority report" after watching the movie when i was like seven. the first fandom i actually wrote fic for and posted it online was probably doctor who circa 2010 ish? but my warrior cats RP career predates that by a few years and i did a LOT of writing there. oh warriorsforest39 dot proboards dot com you are missed....

20) What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

SEX GHOST AU! SEX GHOST AU!

tagging folks :))) @laissezferre @titleleaf @theburialofstrawberries @girdedheraround @flanneryoconnorfanfiction @wreathedwith if u want!!

[ashtcnirwin]

2021 Writing Self-Evaluation

thanks for the tags @lifewasradical, @burstingsunrise & @daydadahlias🧡

1. Number of stories posted to AO3

17

2. Word count posted for the year

436808

3. Fandoms I wrote for

5sos & all time low

4. Pairings

lashton, cashton, malum, muke, cake, mashton, ot4, jalex

5. Story with the most Kudos/Bookmarks/Comments

the answer to this one is quite dull cos it’s tidal wave for all three but tie that binds is catching up very quickly when it comes to kudos and bookmarks

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why)

is it weird if i say stage lights? it’s such a silly concept but i quite like the way it turned out. and stay as well, it’s short and it’s relatively pointless but it turned out more or less exactly the way i wanted it to, which doesn’t happen very often.

then there’s also the plot structure, pacing and character development in tidal wave. the writing itself, the word choices i made and the syntaxes and all that crap could do with a solid round of editing and when i read parts of it now, it’s clear that my writing has improved in the year or so that has passed since i completed it, but i am happy with the structure of the fic and the pacing and the way luke and ashton’s relationship developed

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why)

oof... i’m gonna have to go with i don’t ever wanna wait for this. it’s not that i think it’s bad, necessarily, but the structure and the pacing is very sloppy and i wish i’d given it some more love when i wrote it, it could have done with a couple of more k to round it out properly

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

i know i’ve gotten a solid handful of comments/asks/DMs that have left me in actual tears but at the top of my head, two specific ones come to mind:

1) someone on ao3 commented on a chapter of tidal wave that something about a scene had given them the courage to post a video of themself singing & playing guitar, and that was just...i didn’t even know what to say, because being told that something i wrote had a direct positive impact on someone’s life??? what do you even say to that????

2) taylor @squishmichael sent me an absolutely incredible message regarding tie that binds, it left me speechless and i will admit that i reread it on a semi-regular basis if i need a little confidence boost about my writing

on a more general basis, i have to give a shoutout to every single comment jess left on tidal wave. they were absolutely incredible and they were all so long and she left them on every goddamned chapter

9. A time when writing was really, really hard

the entire process of writing tie that binds. it damn near wiped me out, i got frustrated and exhausted and angry at myself so many times, and i left the docs for several weeks at the time cos the thought of opening them made me genuinely nauseous. there were a couple of times where i was uncertain about whether or not i’d be able to complete it at all, and the only reason i was able to do it was that i so desperately wanted to have it completed for jess’ birthday, it was literally my only motivation for a long time

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you

the only thing i can think of at the top of my head is a character in my exchange fic but i can’t really talk about that yet so....

or, ig cards are dealt-luke had me going “why are you like this?!!” a solid handful of times lmao

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing

this one was hard cos i don’t remember a whole lot of my own stuff at the top of my head but i quite like this passage from part 4 of cards are dealt:

Ashton gave Luke a taste of something real, only to toss the rest of the meal in the trash before Luke could catch as much as a second glimpse of it. Now the leftovers are far away, rotting, and Luke is starving.

12. How did you grow as a writer this year

i didn’t

lmao no uhmm... i find it really hard to point out something specific. like, i took a look at some of the stuff i posted early-ish in 2021 just now and i can see that my writing has improved since then, it flows a lot better, but i’m not sure exactly what it is that has improved

13. How do you hope to grow next year

i was just saying to amanda earlier that one of my fic-related resolutions for 2022 is that i wanna write more shorter works (like, <5k), i wanna write more t- and m-rated stuff and i wanna be more diverse with the pairings i write. so, i basically wanna diversify my fic catalogue! if we’re talking more specific writing things, i wanna work on my descriptions and i wanna try and be more intentional with each sentence i write, cos i feel like i often fall into the trap of being too wordy, which just isn’t good

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc)

every single fic i’ve read & liked this year has had a positive influence on my own writing, sometimes through small things (like teaching me a new word), sometimes through inspiring me to get working on something i’ve been struggling with, and so on, so shoutout to all the incredible writers in the 5sos fandom🧡

on a more specific note, i gotta give shoutouts to @daydadahlias and @lifewasradical

jess has been an incredible influence simply by existing in my texts. getting to hear about her ideas and writing processes is always inspiring and fascinating and occasionally terrifying, and i just love getting to see her ideas go from concepts to actual fics on ao3. i remember getting the biggest kick out of seeing take notes in particular develop from concept to fic, it was f���ing insane and inspirational af. i also love chatting with jess about fic-related things on a more general scale too cos her thoughts are always so interesting and thought provoking, and they quite often give me ideas for stuff to include in fics. and she gets a little too hype about some of my fics which makes me yell but i also appreciate it a lot

amanda is such an amazing person to have around, and i can’t believe it’s been almost a full fucking year since we started talking and she offered to take a look at my tidal wave docs. having amanda in my docs, first for tidal wave and more recently for tie that binds, was incredible, it was such a motivation factor both times and in the case of tidal wave, her comments and enthusiasm was what enabled me to complete the fic in a timely manner. she’s always so damn supportive of my writing endeavours, even when said endeavours might be questionable. and i remember when she was writing home is wherever you are tonight cos...it went from concept to fic in such a short timespan??? i can’t remember how much time it was but it was not much, and it was just insane to get progress updates along the way, it was inspiring and terrifying

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year

definitely lmao, you’ll find bits inspired by or taken directly from real life in most of my fics

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers

allow yourself to fail without feeling bad about it. not everything you write is gonna be great right away and that’s totally fine, what matters is that you write

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year

yessss, i’m very excited to start writing this long-ish (it’s gonna be somewhere around 140k i think) fake dating ft actor ashton lashton fic that i’ve been planning since september! the planning doc is at over 10k at this point and it’s by far the longest i’ve gone with a fic idea in my head without actually writing anything, it’s just been marinating in my head for what feels like three decades and if i can pull it off the way i wanna, it’s gonna be my best fic yet

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read

is there anyone who hasn’t done this yet??? uhhh let’s try @clumsyclifford @squishmichael @igarbagecannoteven & @kaleidoscopeminds

[andallthatmishigas]

pls may i ask two for the fanfic ask? bc i am still stuck on them ♡♡♡

walking the wire & a new genesis ♡♡♡

(you have no idea how much your writing helps me through things and i feel weird leaving a comment every time but maybe i should start so you know)

Oh my goodness bless you. I love these questions, and I love those stories so so so so much. And you can comment 10000 times and I'll love it 10000+ times. Because I genuinely do go back and reread reviews all the time. It makes me so happy!

Anyway onto this. Walking the Wire and A New Genesis for each question:

2. What scene did you first put down?

WtW: I had the first scene written for a long time before I actually wrote anything more or even thought of any plot beyond that one moment. The idea of Lucien asking Jean out on a date and being all nervous about it and adorable. I had that saved in my notes and then the more I listened to the Imagine Dragons song (of the same name as the story), it sort of came together in my head.

ANG: First chapter. I had the plot and concept in my mind for a while and then sat down and just wrote that first chapter in one go while at my parents' house for some reason. In case it wasn't obvious, I am the kind of writer who starts at the beginning and goes from there. I can't skip around. I'm way too Type A for it lol.

4. What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

WtW:

Lucien continued, "And now, being here together, I can't help thinking that us being together, hopefully marrying one day soon…I know it won't be an easy road, Jean. For you much moreso than for me. But I just hope that if we can cling to each other, we can stay up here always. Holding each other and walk the wire together. There's no limit to how high we can go. And if anyone else has a problem with it, well…"

"Look out down below," she interjected softly.

ANG:

Lucien paused right in front of the altar table, placed his hands down flat on it, and leaned forward. Jean could not see is face, but from the tone of his voice she could hear him sneer, "What did I ever do to You? How did I offend You so brutally that You subject me to this? I was arrogant, I was oblivious, sometimes uncaring. I know that. I won't deny it. I've lived a far from perfect life. But wasn't the camp punishment enough? Wasn't losing my family in front of my eyes enough penance for my sins?" He pushed off the table and started shouting. "I have served you faithfully! I have led your flocks! Why have You tempted me with love and happiness that You have forbidden me to possess? Is it a test? Well, surely I've failed. Surely I would fail any test because of her."

11. What do you like best about this fic?

WtW: The first half, I think, is really good. It falters a bit towards the end. But I love the exploration I got to do with Jean's judgmental attitude towards Lucien and divorce and her lust and herself and how she overcomes all of that. I think that struggle is the thing I like best. I've got to reread this one soon.

ANG: This story combines one of my favorite things which is sexualizing and blaspheming the Catholic Church. Protestants? Nothing sexy there. Catholics? That's my shit. And I just get such a thrill over blasphemy tbh. Nice Jewish girl vibes, thank you very much. (The scene where Lucien fucks Jean on the altar in the church is what I was entirely building up for the whole entire story and I'm super proud of it.)

13. What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

WtW: So I was making playlists for each of my major stories for a little while, but I didn't start doing that until after I'd finished each of these two stories, BUT this story is 100% inspired by THIS SONG which I was just captivated by and needed to write something for it.

ANG: This was tough for me to answer. I don't think I have a specific song or artist or vibe for this one. I looked through my other story playlists for some Blake fics (Forever in Your Arms, Ivy) and the closest I could really think of to apply to this story was THIS SONG which is less blasphemy, my favorite theme of the story, and more the sort of obsessive sacrifice that Lucien goes through so I suppose it works.

[takaraphoenix]

Fic Writer Review

Thanks to @light-miracles​ for tagging me! <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

As of this week, 1004 fics! :D”

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

8,052,836 words and counting ;)

3. How many fandoms have you written for?

Gosh that depends on how you define “fandom”. Like, does the Rise of the Brave, Tangled Dragons fandom count as one, because the crossover makes it one fandom, or would you count the movies individually? Same goes to DC.

The way I would count it, I’d say 27. Counting all the DC properties under the DC umbrella as one, same for the crossover fandoms.

4. Top 5 fics by kudos?

How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful (Marvel, Loki/Tony, 6245 kudos)

The Lion’s Pride (Voltron, Shiro/Keith/Lance, 5615 kudos)

Percy and the Ghost King of Summers High (PJatO, Nico/Percy, 4680 kudos)

Percy Jackson, Ambassador of Hades (PJatO, Nico/Percy, 3841 kudos)

My College Boyfriend (PJatO, Nico/Percy, 3613 kudos)

Deadass, this feels like a glitch. I have written seventy-nine multiple-chapter fics. By virtue of having multiple chapters, they tend to draw in a bigger crowd of people. And even if not, I could think of a dozen of more deserving oneshots off the top of my head, at least. I do not understand number 5 at all, it makes no sense, I have 1004 fics and by virtue of people clicking a button, this incredibly... mundane... not-even-3k-long fic is the fifth place for most-heart-button-clicks...? Like, it’s not a bad fic, it is just... impossibly boringly slice of life? Nothing happens in it? It’s not even one of the long oneshots where a lot of plot or feelings - or heck even insanely kinky smut I’d get - happens? I truly can not fathom what made this story so much more worthy of clicking the dumb heart-button than all of the hundreds of stories that have... so much more going on in it...? My brain genuinely can’t comprehend this.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why/why not?

Always. Because it feels like the polite thing to do. Sadly, receiving comments is not a given. Even when people like a fic - especially on AO3, with its cop-out “just click here to leave a heart” alternative, and yes I absolutely do think that that’s part of why many people don’t leave comments, because they are so conditioned through social media to think that a like-button is all it takes to communicate. So, in this comment-economy, I do think it’s worth to say thank you to those who do take the time and make the effort to leave actual feedback and truly let you know they enjoyed the story or what they enjoyed about the story.

6. A fic you've written with the angstiest ending.

That’d be a Beyblade oneshot from my German fandom days that was unrequited love ending in a suicide.

7. Do you write cross overs?

I used ot greatly dislike crossovers, because they only cater to a very specific group of people where those fandoms actually overlap for. But then I came across the whole Tangled/Brave/RotG/HttYD crossover fandom and it kind of took me by surprise. Opened my eyes to crossovers and since then, I’ve dipped into quite a couple different kinds of crossovers.

8. Ever received hate on a fic?

Were you really a fanfic author in the 2010 decade if you didn’t receive hate from the censorship and purity cult? Or, heck, in the beginning of that decade, from the homophobic “ew slash ships are evil and gross” crowd? :/

9. Do you write smut?

You could say that, yeah. *chuckles*

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

*ugly sobbing* I hate wattpad--

11. Ever had a fic translated?

I have been asked for permission more often than I can count, but I just... I just don’t like that? The thought of my fics on other people’s account, even when they do give credit to me as the original author.

And a bunch of the stolen fics on wattpad were, indeed, people who just decided to translate my fics and post them, all without my permission.

I did translate one fic myself though, because I wrote it when Germany passed the marriage equality law, so I wrote it in German and then figured I should also post it in English. ^^

12. Have you ever co written a fic?

Yes, I have! With the very lovely @kimmycup! ^-^

13. All time Fav ship.

ALL time. I think I have to go with Kaito/Shinichi from Detective Conan. It’s, by now, the ship that’s been with me the longest in an active way. I still get excited about them, I even wrote a fic for them just last month to celebrate my 1000th AO3 fic.

14. WIP you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

*looks shamefully at Animexx* Basically all my old Beyblade fics. I dropped out of that fandom too suddenly and it doesn’t help that they’re in German and I’ve stopped writing in German.

15. Writing strengths?

Writing speed and the ability to plan ahead; both, when I write a fic as well as planning my schedule ahead.

16. Writing weakness?

Endings? I really struggle with when to end a fic and how.

17. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

It’s stupid and unnecessary. Use italics and note what language they’re speaking in. Like, look, if it’s a language you actually speak, I can understand the temptation, but 90% of those include an A/N about how the author used Google translate for that and just... why.

And I straight-up hate when authors then don’t include the translation directly behind the spoken part but rather at the very end of the chapter... I don’t... I don’t want to scroll down to look at what I am just trying to read in the middle of the chapter and then have to find the place I was before? It completely breaks the reading flow.

I think that petnames, even some phrases, do make things more authentic, when you’re writing bilingual characters. But when it’s entire dialogues, that’s too much and should just be indicated that it is being said in another language.

18. First Fandom you wrote for?

Yu-Gi-Oh!

19. What's your fav fic you've written so far?

It always depends. I have a lot of fics I am very proud of, or that I think are incredibly well-done. But for me my favorite fic would be defined by the one I enjoy rereading the most. Within the last year or so, I’d say it’s probably The Lost Soulmarks, but there are a bunch I’m bouncing back and forth between and it’s also always up to what fandom or pairing I’m craving. There’s no one holy grail fic that I hold over all others, I guess.

Tagging @kimmycup, @fallenqueen2, @miazeklos, @donnas-troia, @justonemorechapternicercy

[birlcholtz]

Fic Questions

tagged by @the-lincyclopedia thank you!! (fun game: watch my writing get progressively less formal as the post continues. by the end it’s like what is capitalization)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

77!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

434,378 as of this week but it does go up quite regularly

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Okay so in terms of what’s on my AO3, I have Check Please, All For the Game, Sharp Zero, HP, and Miraculous Ladybug. I also have The Forbidden LOTR and PJO Fanfiction (as in, I’ve written it, but it’s never seeing the light of day)

(technically there is a PJO fic out there that has seen the light of day but I orphaned it because I was tired of getting comments asking about when it would be updated)

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

and then i met you (and the whole world changed)

for the better

Knew It Was You

come home (to you, to us)

sin bin schematics

All of these are Check Please and all of them except Knew It Was You are part of my Zimbits Airport AU!

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! It’s actually a very recent thing that I’ve started not responding to literally every single comment. Mainly I respond because I love talking about my writing so I am going to seize that opportunity when it comes up

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Oh, DEFINITELY Happy Birthday (HP). Check out that MCD tag ahah. (I say HP but what I really mean is that I write fic about Regulus Black. The Regulus Black-centric tag is my home in the HP fandom)

fun fact: this is a very short fic that I wrote when I was 15 and basically forgot about until recently, and then I reread it recently and went holy shit?? I pulled NO punches????

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the wildest one you’ve written?

Not a ton? I think a lot of the fandoms I write for don’t really mesh that well. That being said, the aforementioned orphaned PJO fic is actually a PJO/ML crossover, so there’s that

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Nope! Sometimes I get comments that are just.... really confusing? And a more common thing is that in my AFTG fic I’ll get comments from people who are so focused on Andreil (or the most common ships in general) to the point that like. they miss the point of what I actually wrote. Those are annoying but they’re not hate, they’re very enthusiastic, they’re just... enthusiastic about a story I’m not writing? So it’s a bit frustrating.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

No sjflskgjhgf I struggle enough to write kissing, I think if I ever tried to write smut my brain would just shut down. I’ve managed some fade-to-blacks (which are mostly in WIPs that haven’t been posted) but they rely HEAVILY on the powers of implication

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of!

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, although I have occasionally made a brief go of it, not to post, more as an exercise for myself in a language that I’m learning. Anyway I never finish them so I’m gonna say no

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not really? I’ve definitely group brainstormed fics and then written them (the best example of this being Q&A (AFTG), which was the product of a truly off-the-walls group chat), but I tend to do all the actual writing myself. I think the way I write would drive a co-writer up the wall since it’s very disorganized and I don’t write stuff down because ~I know what’s gonna happen I don’t need notes~ and it would infuriate me if I was co-writing with me lmao, so I won’t inflict that on someone else

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I regularly move through ships I’m SUPER focused on, like it’s kind of a rotation. I will forever and always ship Percabeth though.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Okay so if you follow me at @birlwrites you may know this already, but i have this ‘warmups’ document that is just like, random ideas i get that i don’t necessarily want to finish but i just want to try out for a bit? and i have a rule that once a ‘warmup’ is more than 10 pages long (so 11+) then it has to be moved to its own document, just to make scrolling through the warmups doc easier. but usually, a warmup only passes 10 pages when i’m INTO it. so i have a bazillion wips i will probably never finish. i complain about this a lot. i have so many wips. i don’t need more.

here’s one: it’s titled ‘interrobang doesn’t know they’re dating’, it’s basically a full outline for a chowder/tango fic and it would be SO cool if i could ever like. get around to writing it. but i am constantly swamped with writing projects, so it’s probably not gonna happen. if anyone’s interested in adopting it though i’d be down for that!! i think it’s a fun idea i just almost def won’t write it myself

15. What are your writing strengths?

SNAPPY DIALOGUE AND SNARKY INTERNAL MONOLOGUE. my writing is COMEDIC, 90% of my ideas are based on a funny snippet that popped into my head, a lot of my worldbuilding is based on ‘hey you know what would be hilarious’ (whenever i explain how larai selects a chosen one in the rainfall universe i start laughing, which is a STARK contrast to how it plays out on the page), i love writing funny stuff!!

also i think my writing sounds nice, a lot of the time i pick words/syntax based on sound and flow so there’s that too. and i have lots of ideas! i don’t struggle much with writer’s block because a) i have a lot of strategies to deal with it and b) i have a lot of ideas to help get around it/work with it

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

PHYSICAL INTIMACY LMAO, sometimes in my end notes on shippy fics you can see me complaining ‘it took me literally 4 hours to write that very brief kiss’. also sometimes the humor in my writing gets in the way a bit, i have to very consciously put it away so characters can actually have serious, genuine emotions. also i don’t like outlining and i tend not to get betas for fanfiction so like..... i do my best continuity-wise but having really tightly plotted stories is just not my focus lol. (and i do put more effort into that for original stuff, it’s just fic where i kind of go wild)

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

If the reader’s supposed to know what it means, then writing it in another language is iffy for me. (stuff like terms of endearment which come up a lot in fic are fine imo, you can just put a note in to translate them and your reader will prob remember)

If the pov character isn’t supposed to understand it, and it doesn’t matter if the reader understands it, then ig it’s fine? but unless you already speak the other language (and i am NOT confident in my ability to translate english into literally any other language), then i think it’s way easier to just note that a character’s speaking x language and provide tone indicators, body language cues, etc. so the reader understands as much as the pov character.

That being said there are def times when it’s used super effectively--the dialogue in spanish in cemetery boys comes to mind! that’s not fanfic but it’s still creative writing so w/e

so i guess it comes down to: does actually writing out the dialogue in the other language serve a purpose? if it doesn’t, then you’re filling up the screen with words your reader isn’t likely to understand, which i try to avoid doing

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

so the first fandom i actually *wrote* for was PJO, but i distinctly remember creating warrior cats OCs when i was little. i never actually did anything w them but i had them and my favorite was a riverclan warrior named shellstream i remember this VIVIDLY

19. What’s your favorite fic you’ve ever written?

oh boy. okay so this is hard because i feel like i’m continuously improving as a writer. like in the sense that my writing is getting closer and closer to really matching my own taste? my favorites tend to always be my current projects as a result. and i do really love set those ghosts alight (HP) but it feels a little like cheating to say a fic i haven’t even finished writing yet. even though it’s def not cheating, that’s just the direction my brain is taking it.

i’m gonna say and then what? (OMGCP) because i’m super proud of the prose (especially ch 2 aka the first actual prose chapter), survived by (HP) for SUCCESSFULLY WRITING AN EMOTION and making readers cry :), and Q&A (AFTG) because i’m literally the one who wrote it and yet it still makes me wheeze. those are all fics i reread occasionally, because i’m big enough to admit i enjoy rereading my old stuff! (just like. to a point. some of my old stuff i can’t look at anymore because all the mistakes stick out to me like they have spotlights shining directly on them)

this was fun!! i’m gonna do an open tag because i just started my fall semester and brain tired. i know sometimes people see open tags and assume the op didn’t really mean it but I MEAN IT, PLEASE DO THIS AND TAG ME!!!!! YES YOU READING THIS

[dramaticsnakes]

The Revived - Chapter 11: A walk

This is chapter 11 of the Dream SMP multichapter fic @rainbowbutterfrosting​ and I wrote together! I hope you’ll enjoy!

AO3

Read in order (on Tumblr)

Characters in this chapter: Wilbur, Ghostbur, Tubbo, Ranboo, Michael

Word count: 3205

Cw: guilt, mentions of violence, worry, mentions of death, mentions of bruises, mentions of food

Fic summary: Wilbur was alive, and it was such a magnificent feeling, that made his mind spark with anticipation. It didn’t take long, however, for Wilbur to realize that this new breath of life, was not just his own. An echo-y voice hides in the back of his mind, and before he knows it, the transparent version of him he saw at the endless train station, is a lot more ingrained than he’d expected him to be.

And Wilbur really shouldn’t care. Because he’d be damned, if he spent the life he’d awaited for so long, babysitting a lost cause of a ghost, stuck in the very same limbo Wilbur spent so long in. It was an even exchange, and one Wilbur wasn’t going to mess with. Why exactly he ends up setting out to get the ghost out of his mind, in order to save the both of them, however, is beyond him. And perhaps Wilbur’s past isn’t as easy to leave behind, as he’d hoped it would be.

Wilbur considered himself quite the genius when it came to politics and creating whatever he wanted from the ground up. It was one of the things he was proud of, all things considered, and it had left its mark on the world.

Now, Wilbur was standing in said mark and was increasingly uncertain of what to do. His genius encompassed that, but not so much fixing something as fragile as social connections. He didn’t mind this perhaps and had accepted before, that happiness was not the sort of thing he could create. Though Ghostbur, goodhearted Ghostbur, filled Wilbur’s mind with faint whines and cries, that really shouldn’t get to Wilbur the way they did. In short, Ghostbur wasn’t very helpful as of now, and neither was the pit of guilt in his own chest, and the feeling of blood pulsing through his hands.

Wilbur was a genius, but every once in a while when he allowed regret to take a hold, his mind became so foggy, that he couldn’t even hold onto that part of himself. Instead, he was left a numb mess of a person, but he’d tried it so many times, that he knew how to keep such a mess together.

He was walking around, absentmindedly looking at the ruins of the fallen nation, the sight suddenly reminding him of an empty train station that went on forever. Drowning in the lack of air underground, his only escape leaving him behind time and time again.

That was when something slammed into Wilbur’s leg, gripping it tightly. His eyes widened, all instincts telling him that it was time for battle until he looked down to see a familiar toddler.

Although his body didn’t relax much at the sight of Michael, his mind did. He let out a small laugh and kneeled down. “How ya’ doing, little man?”

Michael snorted and rubbed his face into Wilbur’s leg. Wilbur smiled and gently patted the top of the child’s head.

Ghostbur’s quiet voice intruded, “Wait, you didn’t tell me you were going back to the mansion. I- I’m not upset or anything, I just thought… you said you would tell me before you went to the nether.”

Wilbur pursed his lips, but any words he could have spoken were interrupted. “Oh hey, Wilbur!” He looked up and saw Tubbo. He looked slightly out of breath, but fine nonetheless. Ranboo stood next to him, grabbing a red rope from off of the ground. Wilbur tilted his head at this, even more so when he saw it connected to something on Michael.

“Nice to see you again, Tubbo!” Although his voice showed the enthusiasm it normally would have, Tubbo winced from it. Wilbur furrowed his brows in confusion, expecting an explanation.

After a moment of silence, Ranboo spoke, “Where did you get the bruises from?”

Wilbur’s confused expression stayed until he remembered his encounter with Niki. He doubted his interaction with Tommy would have bruised yet, but he still gently held his throat. He didn’t know why, but the action felt reassuring to him.

But what should Wilbur even tell them? ‘I was kidnapped by one of the kindest people I know and she hit me repeatedly because she thought I was someone pretending to be me,’ wasn’t exactly a conversation he wanted to have. After a few seconds he settled on, “It’s a long story.” It wasn’t the answer anyone wanted, but it would have to suffice. Besides, he wasn’t exactly lying to them. Part of him reasoned that it was a lie of omission, but he shoved that part of him deeper than the hole of L’Manberg was. He tried to change the topic, “How have you guys been?” He stopped patting Michael’s head in exchange for rubbing his back gently. Michael looked up at Wilbur, and he almost melted from the adorableness in the toddler’s eyes.

Tubbo answered, “We’ve been good. We were just taking Michael on a bit of a walk, typically no one’s in L’Manberg due to it being all… yeah. You’re welcome to join us if you’d like?”

“Oh… I…” Wilbur wasn’t entirely sure how to respond to that, all things considered. The interaction from before lingered in his mind, but he tried his best to push it aside. “I mean,” he swallowed, “I guess I’ve got fuck-all else to do, huh.” he chuckled, though Ghostbur made a strange noise, that caused it to falter.

“We’re… We’re still by L’Manberg?” he asked, breathing deeply, “Okay.” he still didn’t seem too cheery, though he hadn’t commented on the fact that Tommy hadn’t returned. Perhaps he’d forgotten, and Wilbur wasn’t sure why that thought filled him with all sorts of feelings that weren’t relief.

“Cool!” Tubbo said, and his smile was there, but the hesitance of the time apart was clear, and Wilbur wasn’t too fond of it. There was something grim, and disconcerting about the simple fact, that Tubbo still seemed to believe in him.

Wilbur watched as Michael grunted and smiled at all three of them. The toddler reached out for Wilbur’s hand, and for a mere second, Wilbur felt a strangely comforting feeling rush through his body. He accepted the hand, partially expecting it to be drawn away immediately, but the toddler’s hand lingered.

Wilbur Soot, the genius behind L’Manberg and its destruction, a semi-collected mess of a person, and the one who cheated out of death, was holding the hand of a toddler. Tubbo laughed warmly at the sight. “Michael’s been going on and on about you since you left, you know.”

“What’s this feeling in my hand?” Ghostbur asked curiously, though he let out a calm breath, “It… It feels nice.”

“Has he now?” Wilbur asked softly, his eyes not leaving the child. “I suppose I am a bit unforgettable,” he said slightly louder.

That provoked a laugh from all of them, and perhaps Wilbur could take this moment for his own as if he had the right to something this simple. Just for now, while he was waiting for a chance to continue on with his plans, or until he was left alone to his thoughts again. Or well, as alone as you could be when you had a ghost inside your head.

The three of them walked through L’Manberg, and Wilbur took in the ruins of buildings he had never had the chance to see when they were complete, a strange melancholy stinging his throat. Eventually, they made it to Church Prime, a building Wilbur remembered quite clearly, and that still seemed mostly intact.

“We were going to go visit Puffy for some flowers,” Tubbo explained, but before Wilbur had the chance to ask who the hell Puffy was, Ranboo butted it.

“Actually… Yikes, some of the flowers might be yellow. It might not be a good idea to bring Michael in for that.” he laughed awkwardly.

“Oh shit, yeah!” Tubbo said, “You may have a point.”

Wilbur exhaled sharply through his nose, as he watched the two ponder the situation.

“I can just go into the flower shop myself.” Ranboo said, with a smile, “You guys catch up!”

Before they knew it Ranboo was heading off to a little building across from Church Prime, that Wilbur hadn’t seen before, and Michael looked distractedly in that direction.

If Wilbur could see his ghost counterpart, he feels like he would have seen friendly waving as Ghostbur spoke, “Bye Ranboo!” Ghostbur gasped in realization, “Oh, he’s probably coming back with Tommy!” Wilbur ignored the second comment.

“Hey hey, Mikey.” Tubbo said, walking into Michael’s line of sight, “Dad’s doing fine, and there’s nothing interesting over there. Uncle Wilbur is right here.”

At the words, Wilbur froze on the spot, almost enough for his hand to slip out of the toddler’s. He let out a disbelieving soft breath. “Uncle?” he said, chuckling lightly, almost as if he was mocking the title, but if someone glanced at him for too long, something genuine would probably show.

“Oooh,” Tubbo giggled a little, “We’ve been calling you that to Michael, just because it felt right, you know? It’s easier for him to understand that way.” he looked at Wilbur, “Do you mind it?”

“I mean, I guess not.” Wilbur looked at Michael, “I would make a very cool uncle.” He felt something in his chest when he said that. It wasn’t the typical regret, but rather a warmness that he welcomed eagerly.

Tubbo scoffed, “You mean the creepy uncle everyone has?”

Ghostbur seemed confused, “Wait, do I have a creepy uncle? I don’t think I’ve ever met him.” Ghostbur’s saddened tone almost made Wilbur laugh.

Wilbur lightly shoved Tubbo, moments from his and Tommy’s interaction flooded his mind, but he pushed them away. “You mean the cool uncle that plans on giving Michael so many presents.” His voice transitioned into a warmer, slightly higher pitch near the end as he gave Michael’s hand a little squeeze. Michael jumped up at that, excitement filling his eyes.

Endearment found its way into Wilbur’s voice, “What kind of stuff does he like?”

Tubbo laughed quietly, “Literally anything yellow. Prime, he goes crazy for anything that’s yellow and metallic.”

“Oh yeah, it probably reminds him of gold right?”

“Yeah- well at least that’s what we think.” Tubbo thought for a moment, “He likes golden carrots or golden apples. But aside from stuff that’s yellow, he really likes books.”

“He also likes doing stories too! What’s the word called…” Ghostbur mumbled some things before snapping his fingers, “Roleplaying! Michael loved pretending he was a dinosaur. Sometimes I was the dinosaur though. It depended on the day.” Wilbur enjoyed the thought of little Michael roaring and trying to be threatening. Perhaps he’d roleplay with Michael one day.

Wilbur found himself releasing a quick noise, that might’ve been amusement, and might’ve been recognized. “Really?” he said. He thought of declarations and nations. He thought of signatures and speeches, and vaguely, somewhere in his mind, where Ghostbur’s memories lurked, he thought of history books, and yearning to understand the world. He thought of writing and observing, and feeling more and more accomplished with each stroke of the pen. “The little man has good taste,” Wilbur said, grinning at the child, who looked up with glee.

“Takes it after his father.” Wilbur didn’t bother asking which one- the twinkle in Tubbo’s eyes already told him.

Tubbo seemed happy. It wasn’t new of course, Tubbo always had quite a positive demeanor, though there was something different about this happiness. His back was less straightened. While he lacked the suit Wilbur had given him, the clothes he wore seemed to fit him even better, the more Wilbur looked. The two of them walked, and Wilbur occasionally glanced at the boy, who was still young despite everything.

Who was married and had a child. Married to someone, who appeared to have little to no idea what he believed in. But Tubbo was happy.

“I was a bit worried about Michael when the egg stuff started happening.” Tubbo said, “He isn’t quite as crazy about red, but he sure is fond of it.” he said with a warm chuckle.

Wilbur nodded but paused in the middle of it, his face scrunching up confusedly. “I’m sorry, did you say egg? What egg?”

“Oh, Tubbo likes cooking! Maybe he was making some breakfast earlier?” Wilbur almost felt jealous about Ghostbur’s ability to feel satisfied with his own answers.

“Oh!” Tubbo said, realization spreading across his face, “Shit, you really did miss a beat huh. It was this uh, it’s kind of hard to explain.” he laughed awkwardly, “To be honest, I don’t even think I ever learned what was going on with that.”

“Is it still a problem?” Although it had been implied that not many wars happened without him, images of a new government called “The Egg” flooded his mind. He gripped Michael’s hand a little tighter, but realized it immediately and loosened it. Michael took it as a friendly squeeze and squeezed back. Although Michael was trying his hardest to squeeze, the zombie piglin wasn’t very strong so it came off as reassuring cuteness rather than a hurtful action.

“I don’t think so,” Tubbo thought for a moment. “It uh… I think it controlled people? It’s still sort of messy in my head. I just remember heading down there with Tommy once and… feeling different afterward.”

“What do you mean by different?” Their lighthearted conversation shifted towards Wilbur worrying about this thing that apparently controlled people. Was Tubbo still controlled? The air seemed to grow tense between them.

“I don’t remember any of it myself. Apparently, I was crying and not leaving the egg. If I try really hard I can remember for a bit, but it’s too much stress for too little reward.” Tubbo shrugged it off, “I think it’s mostly handled though.”

Although most of his worries were dealt with, a question lingered in his mind. “Is Tommy alright?” The words were quieter compared to his earlier ones, but not by much. Just enough for Wilbur to notice.

“Yeah! Well- from the egg he’s seemed alright. Right now, I don’t think he’s doing too swell.” Tubbo looked over at a random bush. Wilbur understood the cloudiness of the boy’s mind.

“He seems the same to me.” Sure, the child was quite rude to him, and frequently dismissed him, but Wilbur figured it was from him being a teenager and trying to explore his boundaries of freedom.

Tubbo hummed in acknowledgment, “Maybe it’s just me then. But-” Tubbo cut himself off with a sigh, “Part of me says it’s the Ghostbur stuff getting to him.”

“Wait, what does he mean? I thought you said they couldn’t hear me like you could?” Ghostbur’s confusion collided with the warmness that came across Wilbur’s head.

Not a good warmness, but one that invaded the mind and makes your thoughts mixed together. He quickly stated, “I mean he was only here for six months at most. I’m still him in a way.” Wilbur thought he heard a hurt sound from Ghostbur, but he reasoned with himself that Ghostbur probably didn’t know what they were talking about.

Hesitance showed through Tubbo’s expression. He pursed his lips, “I mean- yeah I guess so. It's mainly... seeing him 'die' in front of him thing, most of it being Tommy's plan as well. It doesn't help that it was him who did it.” Tubbo met Wilbur’s gaze at the end, although the need for approval still shined in his eyes.

Although pity hummed in the back of his mind, most of it from Ghostbur, curiosity consumed his thoughts, “Who’s him?”

Ghostbur whined in his mind, mumbling something he couldn’t quite pick up. Tubbo inhaled deeply. He breathed out, “Dream.” Ghostbur’s breath hitched at the mention.

Wilbur raised an eyebrow, partially at Ghostbur’s reaction and partially at what Ghostbur was reacting to. How much more was the ghost not telling Wilbur? How many more details of his life did he not know? Wilbur couldn’t think of a response, so he simply responded with a hum of acknowledgment.

Tubbo gladly continued, “I… I just feel really bad for him. I somehow feel bad for saying I wish I could take some of it off of him.” Tubbo let out a somber laugh near the end.

“Yeah, the wars were pretty stressful, to say the least.” An odd chuckle left Wilbur. It wasn’t one that he meant to do, but one that came in because it seemed to fit best.

Tubbo sighed, “No I mean the- I don't even know all the details. I've just heard that Dream did something to Tommy while he was in exile. Then the whole beating him to death thing…” Tubbo’s silence spoke for both of them. “I'm glad the guy is in prison, but at the same time, I feel like he deserves worse. Y'know?” Tubbo held a hand over his mouth with embarrassment, “I mean, I don’t want to sound like a bad person when I say that. Spending the rest of your life in prison sucks- of course it does! It’s just the fact that he’s ruined so many people’s lives.” Tubbo’s quiet voice contradicted Wilbur’s loud thoughts.

While vague memories from some exile Wilbur barely remembered briefly entered his mind, the loudest thought ran with the words ‘beating him to death,’ but he shouldn’t have been surprised. He saw Tommy in limbo. He played cards and joked with him for months. Yet, he never wanted as tragic of a death for the poor kid. Perhaps a gunshot or a high fall to make it quick and painful instead of the agony he went through. During his first few years in limbo, he got more phantom stabs in his abdomen than he could count with all the hands he’d ever seen.

Tubbo squinted concerningly at Wilbur’s silence, “I’m guessing he didn’t tell you… sorry.”

Wilbur closed his eyes for a moment, “No no, it’s alright. I’m just processing it… it’s a lot to take in.”

Tubbo awkwardly laughed, “Yep.” The air felt constricting to Wilbur, but Tubbo seemed to be breathing fine to him. Perhaps it was the punch Tommy gave him earlier. Finally giving him the understanding it couldn’t before.

Wilbur couldn’t stand the silence, so he focused his attention on his first thought. Michael. “So what’s the thing around Michael’s chest?” Some kind of red thing was around Michael’s chest. It looked like a vest, but it clashed horribly with his outfit.

“Oh! It’s a… please don’t call us bad parents, it’s a harness for kids that tend to run a lot.” Tubbo avoided Wilbur’s gaze sheepishly.

Wilbur managed to laugh at the situation. Yet, he would never know if he was laughing for Tubbo’s comfort or genuine happiness. He could hear that it sounded drier than it usually would. “A leash? I’ve never seen a leash designed for children.” A small smile found its way onto Wilbur’s face.

Tubbo rolled his eyes, “Ranboo was the one to originally offer the idea. Apparently it was something designed by the Americans. But I do have to admit.” Tubbo looked at Michael with a sense of confused astonishment, “It’s been working pretty well so far. Michael likes taking walks, and we like him not running into a ravine. Plus, he’s not really used to the overworld yet.” When Michael heard his name, he let go of Wilbur’s hand and ran in front of his father, doing ‘grabby’ hands up towards the air.

Tubbo chuckled, “Alright, M.” Tubbo lifted Michael up, the toddler squealing along the way. Tubbo hugged his son, and looked back to Wilbur. “We even made the harness thingy red so he would be a little happier with his temporary prison.” Wilbur's eyes went to the harness that was connected to a red rope that he saw Ranboo holding earlier.

Wilbur nodded, “Makes sense.” His gaze drifted towards the direction Ranboo ran off in. “When’s Ranboo gonna be back?”

Tubbo thought for a moment, “I would think soon, but we could check on him.” He gave Wilbur an apologetic glance, “He gets a bit indecisive at times.” Wilbur barely resisted rolling his eyes.

“Lead the way, Tubster.”

[amyscascadingtabs]

2020 in writing

tagged by the wonderful @feeisamarshmallow and @b99peraltiago! thank you, this took me seriously three hours but it was fun. 

tagging whoever has three hours to spare!! but i’d love to see @amydancepants-peralta, @letsperaltiago, @johnny-and-dora, and @fezzle do this, although no pressure because this took me the entire evening. 

1. List of works published this year

oh god this is going to take forever...

i’ll walk through hell with you, chapter 5, 6 & 7

all the kingdom lights shined just for me and you

a single kiss and i’m under your spell

paper cut stings from our paper-thin plans

dust off your highest hopes

i can’t see the future, but i know that it’s there

look now, the sky is gold

look at where we are, look at where we started

bracing for the winds i always summon

just know that i’m already home

there’s magic everywhere you go

we’ve found a love to cross the ages

all my days, i’ll know your face

hell was the journey but it brought me heaven

(three times ‘cause) i’ve waited my whole life

if devotion is a river, then i’m floating away

when all your heroes get tired (i’ll be something better yet)

evermore

i am not a stranger to the dark

in the cracks of light, i dreamed of you

rare as the glimmer of a comet in the sky

21 works!! 

2. Work you are most proud of (and why)

I am really really proud of finishing i’ll walk through hell with you, that’s still one of the highlights in my writing “career”. bracing for the winds i always summon and (three times ‘cause) i’ve waited my whole life, because they were both longer works with a lot of introspection that focused a lot on jake and amy’s feelings about upcoming parenthood. especially the last one I still love dearly. i’m also really proud of the fics i wrote all from rosa’s perspective (paper cut stings from our paper-thin plans and when all your heroes get tired (i’ll be something better yet)).

3. Work you are least proud of (and why)

none! I guess a few of them are shorter and written way quicker than some others, but I always take that into consideration when “evaluating” how proud I am of them so no. personally, I’m proud of everything in different ways. 

4. A favourite except of your writing

referring to the creator tag meme for this where I posted excerpts from the five works I’m most proud of!

5. Share or describe a favourite review you received

questions like these remind me that I need to start saving my favorite reviews somewhere! that’s a goal for 2021, haha. but every comment that have listed their favorite moments in the fic I reread like five times over and smile every time, and all the comments people left me on the last chapter of i’ll walk through hell with you were so wonderful. and the rosa fic. and the -

you know what, I just started reading through old comments and I can’t pick one, it feels too unfair to all the other incredible ones I ’ve gotten. so. all of them!!!! I love you guys!!

I will mention this one that someone sent me in the middle of summer, during a period when I wasn’t writing or publishing so it ended up meaning that much more for that reason as well. comment on look at where we are, look at where we started (in the brief period of time when we thought peraltiago baby would be named Leo)

“Idk why, but the way Jake was talking to Leo made me wonder if my parents ever talked to me like that right after I was born. I've been told the story of my birth every birthday since I was born, so I know it by heart, but despite the countless Peraltiago baby fics and other fandom baby fics I've read, this is the one that made me wonder what my parents were thinking when I was born. And then it made me wonder what I'm gonna think when I give birth to a kid, or if I adopt a kid.” like, I was just so floored that something I wrote made someone reflect so deeply on their own life. and I want to underline that I have so so many favourite reviews but yes, this one stuck with me!

6. A time when writing was really, really hard

this summer was the hardest it’s ever been. first the (rightful) hesitance and reflection that followed the BLM protests and then some trauma and deep depression added onto that for me was… yeah. it took a really long time to find real joy in it again. 

7. A scene of characters you wrote that surprised you

Jake and Rosa’s friendship in i am not a stranger to the dark! I’ve written a bit of Rosa and Amy and feel quite comfortable with their friendship and dynamic but far less of Jake and Rosa! 

“At least this is still way better than... that.” “Literally everything is better than prison.” “True that.” Rosa looks up at the tv, realizing she’s missed at least ten minutes of the movie already. “I’m glad we got out.” “Sometimes it still feels like a part of me didn't,” Jake says, quietly. “You ever feel that way?” “Sometimes,” she admits. “We did, though. That's what's important.”

Rosa can hear someone talking in the background on the other end, and Jake mumbling something back in reply. “I have to go,” he tells her, and it makes her a little sad, because he's good company. “I can't miss dinner. Wouldn't want to piss off the entirety of my fiancées family before I’ve even married her, right?”

8. How did you grow as a writer this year?

I wrote more Rosa! that’s probably the single thing which helped me grow most, because she’s arguably a much harder character to write than Jake and Amy, since most of the time you really have no clue what she’s thinking. I have to think a lot harder about how Rosa thinks and feels and reacts to things and I feel like that makes me a better writer overall. 

9. How do you hope to grow next year?

I don’t have any big expectations tbh. I know next year is going to take so much of my energy “”professionally”” or well, study-wise, so I think it’s the wrong year to set ambitious creative writing goals for me. then there’s also the inevitable fact that I’ve written a whopping ninety-nine stories for this show now and I’m always asking myself for how long it will last. there was a point in april-may where I thought it was going to be the end and during the entire summer as well. so… we’ll see. I don’t have any WIP I’m aching to finish right now. 

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta of cheerleader or muse etc. etc.)?

@fezzle, @johnny-and-dora, @vernonfielding, @amydancepants-peralta, @feeisamarshmallow, @amazingsantiago and @letsperaltiago all deserve their own shoutouts here for various reasons!! (if you want to know more about why just message me!) 

11. Anything from real life show up in your writing this year?

always, in different ways in how I relate to the characters and different feelings and moments and experiences that would take way too long to explain. but if I could choose one fic it would be paper cut stings from our paper-thin plans. I worked through a lot of feelings about a breakup I went through in this one and they were ones I hadn’t really had the chance to let myself feel before writing this. It isn’t similar to how my breakup went, at least I didn’t mean for it to be and haven’t put any intentional similarities in there (although I guess there are a few if you look for them) but some of the things Rosa thinks, says and feels after being broken up with were quite personal. i am not a stranger to the dark and the way it focuses on healing after trauma was also partly personal although way much less obviously so because the experiences are quite different lol.

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers?

make writer friends! talk to other writers! you’ll both learn so much and it makes writing and developing fics so much more fun!

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year

I currently have zero WIP and zero real plans so genuinely who knows. all depends on what my life will look like and what s8 will bring us! 

14. If you could recommend only one work from yourself published this year

all the favourite five, but maybe when all your heroes get tired (i’ll be something better yet). I think it’s a great complement to the Rosa and Amy action we saw in season 7 and it has a lot of peraltiago from someone else’s viewpoint as well. 

15. Year word count

are you kidding meeeee okay here we go.

okay, so adding everything I’ve published this year together… 111 283 words.

😳 😳 😳 

DEAR GOD.

additional trivia: the shortest fic was 651 words (evermore), the longest if you exclude the three chapters of i’ll walk through hell with you (they are 24.6k together though) (three times ‘cause) i’ve waited my whole life, and the average word count for a fic of mine this year was 5 299 or 4 838 words, depending on whether you count the chapters of i’ll walk through hell with you as one or three works. that makes sense because i feel like i’ve written a loot of fics around that length this year! 

[1kook]

Hey miss 1kook it’s 3 am over here but I really wanted to read the new nc chapter and give you my first impressions.

Honestly 5/5 best fic I’ve ever read (and I’ve been reading fanfic since 2014) the fact that you keep the story consistent and always leave little references and Easter eggs which link to previous chapters and commercial breaks despite there being so many is insane( I have no idea have you remember the smallest details)! (I think?)you mentioned that you kind of struggled to write ch 11 but it’s honestly so good that I wouldn’t have known you had had writers block if you hadn’t mentioned it before. I love that you’ve taken the time to wrap up the story in a really satisfying end with all of the lovable characters having a wholesome resolution which will probably leave me thinking about this series for a very long time after it’s finished. We’ll all be sad to watch the story end but there’s literally nothing you haven’t covered in depth so I hope you feel as satisfied with your amazing work as we do as readers. You are so talented and creative, I’ve honestly never read work as immersive and inclusive as yours where the description is so well written that you can visualise everything without feeling like oc is the typical y/n that you end up visualising as a completely unrecognisable character. The conversation between characters flows really naturally. I commend you for to work Yammy. I know that this may not mean much from a random unqualified anon on the internet but you’ve got some serious talent and drive and it really shows in your work. Thank you so much for writing this lovely story for us to enjoy ❤️

sat on this ask for a while, but omg thank u so much T_T!!! while the series isn't strictly chronological, I do try to bring up little details from other installments just bc 1) I think its funny 2) I love seeing everyone's reactions when they catch it 💀there's still going to be a few more commercial breaks before the final part is up, so I hope u enjoy those as well :') and thank u!!! ive mentioned it before, but as someone who did not fit the 'beach waves, blue eyes, size 0' y/ns in 2012 harry styles fan fic, I genuinely do try my best to leave the physical image of the reader as blank as possible !!! (that being said, pls lemme know if u ever catch me NOT doing that 😭) and just, thanks again man T_T Im normally very proud and content with my work, but whenever I hear other ppl thoroughly enjoyed it im like... Extra proud <333

[ortizobsessed]

You’ve Got This

Only 10 MONTHS late, but here is the fic I’ve been promising for a while!

Reader x Juice where you two have a very platonic love for each other, and when you’re about to have a baby (the father is no longer in the picture) Juice is right there by your side.

Warnings: A few swears, mild description of childbirth.

Word Count: 2204

Masterlist

You’d moved to Charming not long after you graduated high school in your small town in Idaho. Your high school sweetheart, the person you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with, turned out to be a real piece of work. The night before he left for college, he told you that everything that had happened between you two was just a “fling” and that it all meant nothing to him. All he cared about now was going off to college and, as he had so gracefully put it, “drinking and getting laid by as many bitches as possible, since you aren’t giving me any.” You were caught completely off guard. This was something you two had talked about before. He claimed he was fine with waiting until you were ready. Guess that was a lie.

You wanted to get as far away from your home town as possible. As far away from all the memories of him as you could; start fresh.  Moving to Charming was nerve-wracking, especially when no one you talked to about it thought it was a good idea. But you took the leap anyway.

Fast forward 7 years and here you were, living in sunny California, surrounded by people you loved, who loved you back. Your best friend, the person who saved you when you were at your lowest, the person who always made sure you saw the value in yourself, was sweet, thoughtful, and caring, Juan Carlos Ortiz. You and Juice loved each other, but not in that way. You had formed an incredible bond, one that felt stronger than anything you’d had with any friend or family member before. No matter what life threw at you, you knew you would be able to handle it, with Juice by your side.

It felt like just yesterday that you’d ran into your ex. The person who broke your heart into more pieces than you thought imaginable. But there you were, in Vegas with some of the guys, and who happened to be there at the same time? Him. It had been years since you last said a word to each other, and when he came over to say hi, you tried to be the bigger person and not spit in his face.

The conversation started with a rather awkward hug, and ended with him apologizing profusely for what he had done to you in the past. He claimed he was there with a friend of his for their bachelor party. Turned out that was yet another one of his lies. As was everything that followed: The sweet talk, the convincing you that he had changed, the empty apologies.

Somewhere along the line that night you had talked yourself into sleeping with him. Was it because you genuinely thought he had changed? Or was it because you didn’t want him to still think of you as that “pathetic” girl in high school who made him leave because you wouldn’t fuck him. How dare he play on those insecurities just to get you into bed?

The day you found out you were pregnant was the scariest day of your life. Here you were, carrying the child of a man who wanted nothing to do with you. Though the decision wasn’t an easy one to make by any means, Juice was there for you through all of it. You were going to keep your baby.

It was now mid-September, and every year when this time of the year rolled around, you found yourself missing home. Something about the beautiful fall weather back home always made you feel safe, and being so close to the end of your pregnancy, safe and comfortable was exactly what you needed to help calm your nerves.

“I think I need to go back home. Just for a couple days.” You found yourself trying to convince Juice that going on this trip was a good idea, but you saw the hesitation on his face. “I need some time to clear my head. Time to right with myself before I become a mother.”

He let out a heavy sigh. “There’s no way I can convince you to stay? Or even to let me come along?”

You shook your head, “I’m sorry Juan, I just really need some time to myself. You know I love you.”

A tiny smirk crept onto his face, “I love you too, Y/N. I just want you to be safe. I want the baby to be safe.” Your expression changed to one of joking disbelief, as he sighed and added, “I know, you’re a smart girl. I’m sure you’ve already figured out where the closest hospital is to where you’ll be staying, haven’t you?”

You let out a light laugh, “You’re damn right I did! It’s only a 20 minute drive.” After a short pause, you reassured him again, “Everything will be fine. I’ll keep you posted the entire way. There, and back.”

As he closed his eyes and nodded his head, you stepped towards him and wrapped your arms around his waist. Resting his chin on the top of your head, he pulled you closer and whispered, “You’re the strongest person I know, Y/N, and I am so proud of you. I hope you know that.”

His words brought tears to your eyes. You leaned back slightly and smiled at him as a single tear rolled down your cheek. Brushing the tear away with his hand, Juice smiled back and leaned forward to place a gentle kiss on your forehead. “Okay, what can I help you with?”

The two of you spent the next hour or so getting everything ready for you. As you packed a couple bags inside, Juice was outside looking over every inch of your car, making sure it was in good condition for highway driving. After getting the okay from your personal mechanic, you hugged him tight once more and hopped in the driver’s seat.

You were headed to Bear Lake. A beautiful spot right on the border of Utah and Idaho, a place your family used to rent a cabin close by every year when you were a kid. The fresh air and beautiful fall colours were calling your name.

You had to stop every couple hours, damn pregnancy bladder, but Juice was happy about that; more stops meant more check-ins. Before you knew it, the drive was over and you were pulling into the parking lot of that same rental office you knew so well.

The first couple days were very relaxing. You drove the short 10 minutes to the lake front and laid out a blanket at the bottom of a tree. Each day you would read a few chapters of a book, then pack everything up and wander along the water. Spending time alone in a familiar place helped tremendously, just as you imagined it would.

With one last evening before you were going to head home, you planned to go for one last walk along the beach and watch the sun set, but you never got the chance to do that.

It didn’t take you long to figure out what was going on. As soon as the first contraction hit you were dialing Juice’s number. You began frantically pacing back and forth in the bathroom of your cabin muttering, “pick up, pick up, pick up, damn it pick up the phone Juan!”

The second the line clicked, you didn’t give him a chance to say hello, you yelled, “Tomorrow Juan. Tomorrow- Shit- SHIT- This can’t happen right now!”

You barely heard his reply of, “Wait, Y/N, what happened?! Is everything okay?!” over your own thoughts. Juice tried calming you down again, “Breathe Y/N, just take a deep breath-” but you just kept talking over him.

“I was supposed to drive back to Charming TOMORROW. I’m not ready for this! This baby isn’t supposed to be here for another 2 weeks! I can’t do this. I can’t do this!”

The line went silent for a moment, and somehow that caught your attention more than his words had. “Juice- are you sti-“

“Yeah I’m still here Y/N.” Another pause. “You’ve got this.” His words made your shoulders relax, and with that, a wave of calm washed over you. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath.

“I’m on my way.” His words were firm and to the point, making sure you fully grasped that you were not going to be alone much longer.

“Okay. Please hurry,” you pleaded. You could hear keys jingling in the background, mixed with some familiar voices asking where he was going in such a hurry.

He yelled back at the guys, “Y/N’s having her baby, and she’s 11 hours away!! I need to go!!” Then his voice was directed back at you as he said calmly, “I love you. I’ll see you soon.” The line clicked.

You took a couple deep breaths before you made another phone call. You wanted to be at the hospital as soon as possible, but you didn’t trust yourself driving while in labour (writers note: duh). As soon as you got off the phone with the taxi company, your water broke. “Oh great,” you mumbled to yourself.

After quickly cleaning yourself up and changing, you heard a car horn out front. Grabbing the last few things you thought you might need, you rushed out the door. Before you knew it, you were at the hospital getting settled in a bed. As contractions became more and more intense, and closer and closer together, time seemed to slip away from you. You didn’t know how long it had been since you and Juice spoke, all you knew was that you wanted him there with you. Right now.

You found yourself staring out the window, “He’s was supposed to be here for this. I can’t do this by myself. Where the fuck ARE you Juan?” All you could think about was how much you wished you were back in Charming. At least if Tara was here, that would be a small amount of comfort. You didn’t know each other well, but a familiar face in all this chaos would be nice. But here you were, hundreds of miles away from anyone you knew, about to give birth to your first child, all alone.

A new voice grabbed your attention, “Hello Y/N, I’m Doctor Bradley and I’ll be delivering your baby today! It’s nice to meet you.” In all honesty, you weren’t really paying attention to what she was saying, your mind was still too focused on the fact that Juice wasn’t here.

That’s when you heard the nurse at the door speaking firmly, “I’m sorry sir, you can’t be in here right n-,” but you yelled over top of her, “Juice?! Juice is that you?!”

“Yeah it’s me Y/N! I’m here!” He drove all through the night to be there by your side.

You looked over at your doctor with panic in your eyes; Tara would let Juice in. “Please. Please. I need him in here with me. The father-“ your voice cracked, and you could see the look on her face soften as you spoke, “he- isn’t in the picture, he-” Another contraction broke your train of thought. Your whole body was on fire once again, and you couldn’t focus on anything except the excruciating pain.

Your doctor looked from you to the nurse, and the second Juice saw that nod of approval he was pushing his way through the door.

The guttural sounds you were making were pretty much the only thing you could hear, until Juice’s voice broke through. “Hey, hey, it’s okay Y/N, I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.” A wide grin cracked the stern look on your face as you reached your hand out. The instant Juice grabbed your hand you felt at home.

Another contraction hit and you squeezed his hand with so much strength that he winced. You were able to push through the pain once more, but immediately after you started giggling. Juice did a double take and asked, “Are you..are you laughing?” and your giggle grew into a full on laugh.

“You’re-you’re wincing-” you spoke through a string of short breaths, caused by both the pain you were in, and the fact that you couldn’t stop laughing, “I’m the- I’m the one- in labour- and you’re- YOU’RE wincing-” Once Juice realized that yes, his reaction was definitely comical, he started laughing right along with you. You even noticed a smile creep onto your doctor’s face.

This.

This right here is why you needed Juice by your side. It didn’t matter what you were going through, he always found a way, albeit sometimes unknowingly, to get you to the other side with a smile.

A mere half an hour later, although it felt like a hell of a lot longer than that to you, you were laying in your hospital bed with Juice by your side, cradling your new baby boy. Nothing in the world could have prepared you for just how incredible of a feeling that was. In that moment, as Juice had one arm around your shoulders, and his other hand gently stroking your son’s cheek, you knew that you would in fact, be just fine.

[goldeneyedgirl]

2020 Fic Meme

It happens every year like clockwork. The Fic Round-Up Meme. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t looking forward to it this year because I’ve written so much. As usual, compiled from ancient Livejournal fic memes. I like doing it as kind of a time capsule of my writing. If anyone else wants to take a crack, feel free. I love reading writers’ throughs on their own work. <3 No tagging because that is PRESSURE. 

Twilight

12 Days of Fic-Mas (Twilight, WIP) Day 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 + Christmas Eve Twelve days of fic extracts, previews, and drabbles focusing on Alice Cullen and Jess/Jasper Hale: Anathema, the KidFic, Married in Vegas, Daemons, Memento Vivere, Human Alice Kills James, Jess and Alice do Prom, Forgotten, Vampires in Vegas, Shadow to Light Missing Scene, Hybrid, Cowboys and Angel Solstice, and All These Broken Things

Afterglow (Alice/Jasper, AU, Romance, G)  There were three things of which she was certain. The first was that her name was Alice. The second was that she was born an angel. And three, she was getting ready to die.

Against a Wall (Alice/Jasper, Human/Vampire AU, Romance, Angst, PG) If you asked anyone with the surname ‘Whitlock’, they’d tell you that the family was cursed. It was the Whitlock Curse to blame the day the bank took the ranch away from Jasper’s own father.      

And Found (Alice/Jasper, Soulmark AU, Romance, PG) The soul mark appears when Alice is six. It is a twisted ribbon of a mark, from the inside of her left elbow, up her arm, over her shoulder, along her clavicle, over her right shoulder and down to her right wrist. What ugly, soulless individual could inspire such a mark?

Jar of Hearts Pt 1 Pt 2 (WIP) (Alice, Emmett, Seth, MCU xover, Angst, PG) The snap came for everyone - “He said he’d never leave me,” she says in a wobbly voice. “He promised me.”“It wasn’t by choice,” Emmett rushes to tell her. “You were his last thought; he tried so hard to get home before he…”

Never a Question (Alice/Jasper, AU, Angst, G)  Carlisle is quite sure that he’s watching his son’s heart break into a million pieces as he stares at his human mate, slowly dying alone, not a single person allowed to hold her hand.

Hand in Hand (Alice/Jasper, AU, Fluff, G)  “Never,” he swears, pressing a kiss to her cheek that makes her beam -  “There’s not a single moment I can think of that cannot be improved by your presence, darlin’.”

Love & Duty (Alice/Jasper, AU, Romance, G)  A trainee witch is sent to treat a wounded cowboy from her brother coven. 

Shadow to Light (WIP) (Alice/Jasper, AU Angst, PG) In 1918, Jasper lures the newborn known as Mary-Alice back to Monterrey. He is lost to her before it even begins. (Ch 6-8)

The Way of Things (Alice/Jasper, AU, Drama, M)  She truly doesn’t know what comes next. He truly doesn’t know if it will be good or bad. They will live this life for as long as it lasts, long may it last, surrounded by the people they love and trust. 

What You Say (Alice/Jessamine, Canon, Angst, M)  Edward might have thought Aro was their reckoning, but Alice knows for her, it is Jessamine’s hurt.

Total number of completed stories: ELEVEN. 

Total word count: 90,155 words were formally posted - not including snippets, previews (aside from FicMas) or anything that was shared on the Discord server. 

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted? I fucking nailed it. Like, seriously. THREE chapters of Shadow to Light? Every single day of JaliceWeek AND FicMas? I mean, I think the lockdown definitely helped with free time, and not going to lie, the iOS shutdown of Fortnite probably assisted my productivity. 

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? The Discord has so much to answer for. I wrote porn. Like, what. What. What. What. I find this bizarre and did not have ‘let’s just go full NC17 in 2020′ on my bingo card, but it happened. In fact, 2019 Lexie has just gone full spit-take and yelled, “WHAT?!” at the top of her lungs. 

And to make it more surprising, it’s both het and f/f porn. Like, mind-blown. Who am I anymore?

What’s your own favourite story of the year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you happiest? The Way of Things, What You Say, And Found, & Afterglow. All fics that came together really well, that felt like *me*, and had hopeful endings. I’m really proud of them. 

STL doesn’t get an opportunity to be apart of this til it’s finished. 

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them? The porn. 

Apparently, I can write it. Who knew? 

I definitely threw caution to the wind with JaliceWeek and just went for whatever crossed my mind and stopped worrying so much. Like, whatever, this is what I want to write so I will. I mean, the MCU crossover is happening in a slightly more obscure way than I initially envisaged it, it’s definitely a better fic for it.

I joined the Discord, and that’s been amazing. I’ve spent my last few fandoms existing in kind of a vacuum because of bad experiences and the fact I’m usually doing something niche, so having people to talk to who are so nice and welcoming and are happy to ignore my special brand of obnoxiousness is so lovely and has had such a good affect on my mental health. Sometimes you need people you can be your dorkiest self with. 

My instincts are pretty good as far as fic goes, people are awesome, and I can write sex scenes. It’s been a learning curve, let me tell you that. 

Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the New Year?  I have to balance grad school, my business, and my writing, so that’s going to be interesting. I think I need to look at my fic more as downtime than a high-stress ‘job’ because I LOVE writing it. I love writing. I love reading. But I get in my own head and overthink. So my goals are BALANCE and RELAX. 

My best story of this year: Oh man, that’s not something I can judge. I am so incredibly proud of how Afterglow, And Found, and The Way of Things turned out. Especially considering I was so behind with JaliceWeek, and I think I was putting out a fic a day, and freaking out because I was lacking ideas, so when these three just came together exactly how I wanted them, it was a good moment. 

My most popular story: Shadow to Light. Look, if that’s my legacy to fandom, I’ve done pretty damn well. I’m really, really appreciative of how enthusiastic people are about this ‘verse. I don’t always understand it, because I can see how my writing has changed and how the story has evolved massively (first it was supposed to be a one-shot, then five chapters.) I hope that it ends up being satisfying for everyone because I have LOVED writing it, even if I am slower than molasses. 

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: Everyone is always so damn enthusiastic about my writing. I think maybe Hybrid is kind of a big question mark for everyone at the moment because there are so many questions and no answers yet. 

And any of the Jessamine/Alice. That’s a new niche, I get not everyone is into it. But it’s happening and will continue into 2020.

Most fun story to write:  What You Say or Jess and Alice at Prom. Jess is a little snarkier than Jasper, less controlled, and the girls are super fun to write, even high-tension scenes. 

Most Sexy Story: Oh, I can answer this now! Um, maybe The Way of Things or Jess and Alice at Prom? Yup, those are my picks. 

Story with the single sexiest moment:  The Way of Things. This happened before the Discord Intervention, and I’m genuinely not sure if I’m happy with the end of the Prom fic, so it might be reworked slightly in the future. But The Way of Things I was really happy with because it covered so many ideas I had in a way that fit together well. 

That’s where she makes good on her unspoken promises from aeons again, of their private victory celebration. She sits astride him, her hips rolling hard against his, drawing out his groans and growls as he grips her thighs almost tight enough to crack. Their gazes are locked the entire time, her tongue skimming over her lips, as she lets her emotions tell him everything that she wants and everything she plans to take.

He remembers fucking her in the dirt in Dacia; his mouth between her legs as she hollered obscenities in a Paris attic; and the urgent, passionate loving-making of a marriage finally consummated.

She remembers bloody emeralds looped around her throat and resting between her breasts as she gets down on her knees and takes him into her mouth, his fingers tangled in her hair; the delicious weight of him on top of her, their sweat mingling and cooling in the frozen night as their flimsy bed creaked against the wall; and his soft encouragement in her ear as he grasps her around the waist, their hands resting together on the gentle swell of her stomach. 

Most “holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you” story: I think I restrained myself from anything too dark or twisted this year, actually. Oh, wait, Vampires in Vegas. That one has some pretty dark implications about Alice’s life, about the vampire underworld, and Jasper’s behaviour, especially as it goes one. No fic that deals with someone being put into sex work without educated consent is going to avoid being dark, and I think it’s logical that vampires would have their hands in a lot of illegal yet profitable areas. 

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: Anything with Jessamine/Alice because, like, Jess isn’t a name-swap of Jasper, and the relationship dynamic shifts with the slight personality shifts. And then you have to consider the family and social dynamic of two women in the relationship, so working all that out was fun. 

Jar of Hearts is another one, because I had to work out who the fic was going to follow and what was lost. And Emmett and Alice pretty much don’t interact in canon, but they were chosen for a reason. I’ve stripped them down to their worst, most isolated selves without their ‘true north’ (Rose and Jasper) or their moral center (Carlisle and Esme), or even their secret weapon (Edward). Seth, too, has been isolated from his family and friends, and is especially ‘other’ in this situation. This is an MCU crossover, so we’re kind of following a heroes’ journey with the last of Forks’ supernatural creatures.

Hardest story to write: Shadow to Light because of the way I have to use language, because of the plot strands from canon when I hate writing canon material, and how the characters have changed and how this new version reflects the old version. 

Against a Wall, as well, because of the in-verse time crunch I had - I needed Jasper damaged, military-minded, and changed by age 19. And I needed the boy broken. I’m happy with it, the story is done and dusted, but it didn’t quite turn out how I planned. And that’s okay, because I like this version. But I think I tackled something a lot bigger than I anticipated with it. 

Most disappointing:  Look, I love the verse and the set-up, but I think Love & Duty could do with another 2k words for build-up. I just ran out of time, honestly, to build up that mutual attraction between Alice and Jasper. 

Easiest story to write: Anathema, because Alice’s voice was so clear in it. Anathema!Alice knows exactly who she is, and that’s always fun. And the Shadow to Light Missing Scene; it wasn’t as long as I hoped, but it turned out exactly as I imagined it happening. 

Biggest surprise:  Everyone really, really liked Forgotten. And Vampires in Vegas, which I honestly thought were the weakest offerings during FicMas. 

Most unintentionally telling story:  The Way of Things. There’s so little dialogue, and it’s covering such a massive amount of time and story that it’s intentionally written to tell. 

Story I’d like to revise: Love & Duty, and Married in Vegas. A little polish, a little shine, it’s fine. For Love & Duty, it’s definitely the time crunch I need to go back and fix; for Married in Vegas, it’s just reflective of how long ago I started it. I’m a better writer, I know the characters more, and I’m less prone to overly dramatic plot twists. 

Story I didn’t write but will at some point, I swear: Look, let me lay the groundwork now so that no one who isn’t on the Discord isn’t startled. 

There’s going to be a Jess/Jasper/Alice threesome fic, and I regret nothing. 

I really, really want to get All These Broken Things redone and posted because it’s getting silly how long it’s just been sitting there. 

I want to actually write Monster, which is a fic I don’t talk about much but I want to write. It’s a question about who the monster of the story is, and I’m not sure I’m as skilled as I should be, to write it, but I want to try. 

And one of my numerous attempts at a Haunted House Cryptid fic. It has to happen, I have so many ideas!

[justkindaoverhereobsessing]

2020 IN WRITING

tagged by: @indestinatus​

tagging: no one, because I am unable to think straight. But whoever is interested in doing this: I’m interested in reading it. <3 

Wow, okay, I’m getting real in this little questionnaire... read at your own risk, friends.

1. List of works published this year:

I genuinely can’t write them all out here... there are too many of them! (I’ve done so little besides writing this year!) But I keep a running list of all my projects here. I’m sorry for cheating on this one, haha. 

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

This question comes up a lot on these things, and I always put the same answer: That We May Forgive. It’s has emotional moments, silly moments, heartfelt moments where the warmth made me cry as I wrote. It was written in one sitting, and it’s the story where I felt most connected to the characters I love so much. It sums up the joy I feel knowing that these (fictional) friends of mine have finally reached peace after too many years of trauma and hardship. I began the story with a single line in mind, after which the characters took over and told the story for me:

Ziva's second pregnancy is nothing like her first.

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

You Stumble, You Soar, which was written for one of my dearest friends in the world, @why-did-you-just-lie-to-mcgee​. I wanted to do so much better by her, but as I ran out of time to complete the story by the end of her birthday, I rushed the writing and I think the story suffered for it. It made her happy, though, and that’s the most important thing. She deserves all the happiness, all the time—but especially on her birthday. 

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

I can’t think of a favorite excerpt of my writing, because I’ve written so much that I can’t think back!

5. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

“Wow. Let me just tell you that I am absolutely in love with this story. I wake up everyday and, as I log into fanfiction, my only hope is that you've uploaded a new chapter because DAMN. The characters are so well written, the story is beautifully constructed and this last chapter just broke my heart into tiny little pieces. What a remarkable job you've done. Please, don't ever stop writing NCIS/Tiva fanfiction- specially this one story: it's one of my all time favorites. Thank you :)”

An incredibly kind and inspiring comment by a reader named Alexandra on my longest (WIP) fic, We Are an Ocean.

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

I’ve had two periods of NCIS hiatus this year—and actually, I’m still in the midst of the second one right now. These have periods of turmoil in my own life. When I’m upset, feeling sick, feeling sorry for myself and I’m depressed and aching... that’s when I write the best, because writing is my safety blanket. When I’m feeling numb, though, or lost... the characters are lost to me, too, and so are the words I use to wrap them (and myself) in comfort.

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

I’m going to deviate here from NCIS, which is—I’m well aware—why most of my followers have chosen to follow me. But in the last month, I’ve written a single fic for Criminal Minds—it’s called In Possibility, it’s unpublished, and it’s now over 100,00 words. It’s centered on Spencer Reid, who was intimidating to me when I started writing the fic. He’s far more intelligent than I am, requiring me to do a lot of research to give him realistic lines, he’s a deep and complicated character with complicated motivations and a tangled, traumatic past. He also has a sweet, really good heart that’s been scarred by years of difficult work and an emotionally taxing personal life. 

I thought he’d be difficult to write; to my surprise, he comes as naturally to me as any of my other favorite characters ever have. He gave me my first nanowrimo win! To be frank, he’s gotten me through a lot of shit this year. That was the best surprise.

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

To be honest, I wasn’t much of a writer before this year. I enjoyed writing, especially in a roleplay setting with fandom friends... but I deeply struggled with trying to write alone. I didn’t do much of it.

Then, this year, well... the concept of writing exploded into the most important distraction, escape, and joy I could imagine. 

I didn’t grow as a writer this year. I became a writer this year.

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

My most recent project—the one that, as I’ve said, is (and will remain) unpublished—has given me a new perspective. It’s written for an audience of me and only me... so I’ve given myself permission to engage in the most ridiculously self-indulgent writing I’ve ever embraced and thrown myself into. 

And it has been the greatest joy I could imagine in a time of great pain.* 

Next year, I want to throw myself into every project I work on with as much reckless abandon as I’ve done in this last project. I want to stop worrying so much about what people will think and pursue the words that are bursting out of the fingers on my laptop keyboard. I want to have confidence in my ability to draw out emotions—if from no one else, at least from myself.

“If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain.” —Emily Dickinson

And it’s alright if that one heart is mine.

That’s what I want to accomplish in my writing next year, and what a growth that would be!

* I’ve mentioned this in my last post, but I’m recovering from brain surgery, I also have the COVID-19 virus, and I’m working on passing a kidney stone that may be too big to pass. I’m writing 10,000 words a day to get through it—and it’s working. Distraction is everything to me right now.

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

Like Sof, I have to tag three people here, because I really couldn’t choose just one. My three best friends in the world all influenced my writing in their own ways! <3 (Sorry for deviating a little from the writing thing in some of the following lines, oops. I just have emotions that are all over the place this week!)

@indestinatus — One of a few best friends who has had my back every day for so long now. She listens when I need to talk things out—whether or not I’m talking about writing. She really gets me when I need to be silly, or I need to be serious, or I just really, really need a friend. Also, she inspired me to start learning Portuguese this year, and I’m actually practicing by writing a fic in Portuguese, lol. It’s slow going... but Sof encourages me (and corrects me, haha) whenever I work on it, just as she does with absolutely anything else I work on. Truly, I’ve had few friends in my life that are so special to me, and I love her. I really do. 

@why-did-you-just-lie-to-mcgee — Is there a better cheerleader on this earth? Is there a better friend? Doubtful on both counts. She thinks I’m a disaster—and, by the way, she’s absolutely right—and she sometimes has to remind me to eat and sleep, but she’s totally cool with being my internet mom. Doesn’t matter that she’s nearly a decade younger than I am, lol. All of these things have bolstered me when the writer inside of me has faltered, and she has carried my burdens as I wrote them out. Anyway, she reads everything I write, and she has requested to gain access to all of my unfinished chapters and unpublished works in the event that I die—I completely trust her with that nonsense. I’ve written it into my will. Really. Like with Sof, I genuinely love Tiz, and I’d do anything for her. 

@honeybadgerdocare — Best friend of 20 years. She doesn’t watch the same shows that I do, and my endless ranting makes very little sense to her... but she listens. She’s my sounding board for everything I write, everything I read, everything I watch, and everything that gives me big feelings. I genuinely can’t describe how much she has helped me with my writing every single day, so I’ll leave it at this: I could not do it without her. I’d drown in my own struggles and I’d stop creating the art that sustains me. She’s my soulmate—sorry to her fiancé. All of my love goes to her!

11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

HAHAHAHAHA it’s cute how you think my writing is anything other than a re-organized and fictionalized version of my life and my feelings. Real life shows up in my writing, and my writing shows up in my real life. It gets crazy and obsessive, but like... I had a trip to Israel booked this year (obviously canceled due to the pandemic, but still) because Ziva comes from Israel. (Also because of my Jewish adoration for the spiritual homeland, but the thought of going and the trip planning all started with Ziva.) I went to Baltimore so I could run down an alley yelling “YOU CAN’T OUTRUN ME, I’M WEARING TUBE SOCKS!” to encourage my inner Tony DiNozzo. I nearly froze to death in Washington, D.C. and called my mom every time I saw a little red mini coop that looked like Ziva’s, or came across a place that was featured in an NCIS scene.

And to answer the actual question here, because I obviously flipped it around like the moron I am... when the pandemic canceled things I was desperately looking forward to, I wrote a fic where Tali’s excitedly anticipated dance recital got canceled because of the pandemic. I lost my appendix (last year, but the fic was written this year — does that count?) and wrote a fic where Tali loses hers, too. (I swear, I don’t always write things that torture Tali, lol, these are just my best examples!) When I lost a couple of loved ones this year, I wrote a funeral scene where Tony and Tali remembered Ziva. Writing is definitely free therapy, y’all.

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

Write for yourself—write what you love, and you’ll love what you write. That’s all. That’s it. That’s my advice, something I’ve learned this year.

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

I’ve been working on We Are an Ocean for roughly a year now, and 2021 needs to see it finished. I’ve got a number of lovely, dedicated readers who deserve to see the story play out as it’s intended to be played out. 

Also, my greatest love right now, In Possibility, will probably write itself to an end in 2021. Or... who knows? Maybe it will worm its way into 2022, too. :-)

14. If you could recommend only one work from yourself published this year:

Since I already went into detail about my favorite fic of mine from this year (That We May Forgive), I’ll recommend a different one: The Stars Always Make Me Laugh. It has some of the darkest moments I’ve ever written, but it also has some of the lightest moments I’ve ever written. It was an answer to two different challenges, and if I can say this without sounding arrogant, I think I met the challenges beautifully. It gave me comfort, catharsis, and closure for a few things in my own life... and I hope it comforts my readers, too. 

15. Year word count: 

HOLY FUCKING SHIT (excuse my French). I just added up my AO3 word count + my current unpublished project, and... my word count is:

428,557.

FOUR HUNDRED AND TWENTY-EIGHT THOUSAND, FIVE HUNDRED AND FIFTY SEVEN WORDS

I nearly just fell out of my chair. Goodbye, friends. I am deceased.