#did not mean to get that effin detailed about my life

[justkindaoverhereobsessing]

2020 IN WRITING

tagged by: @indestinatus​

tagging: no one, because I am unable to think straight. But whoever is interested in doing this: I’m interested in reading it. <3 

Wow, okay, I’m getting real in this little questionnaire... read at your own risk, friends.

1. List of works published this year:

I genuinely can’t write them all out here... there are too many of them! (I’ve done so little besides writing this year!) But I keep a running list of all my projects here. I’m sorry for cheating on this one, haha. 

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

This question comes up a lot on these things, and I always put the same answer: That We May Forgive. It’s has emotional moments, silly moments, heartfelt moments where the warmth made me cry as I wrote. It was written in one sitting, and it’s the story where I felt most connected to the characters I love so much. It sums up the joy I feel knowing that these (fictional) friends of mine have finally reached peace after too many years of trauma and hardship. I began the story with a single line in mind, after which the characters took over and told the story for me:

Ziva's second pregnancy is nothing like her first.

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

You Stumble, You Soar, which was written for one of my dearest friends in the world, @why-did-you-just-lie-to-mcgee​. I wanted to do so much better by her, but as I ran out of time to complete the story by the end of her birthday, I rushed the writing and I think the story suffered for it. It made her happy, though, and that’s the most important thing. She deserves all the happiness, all the time—but especially on her birthday. 

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

I can’t think of a favorite excerpt of my writing, because I’ve written so much that I can’t think back!

5. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

“Wow. Let me just tell you that I am absolutely in love with this story. I wake up everyday and, as I log into fanfiction, my only hope is that you've uploaded a new chapter because DAMN. The characters are so well written, the story is beautifully constructed and this last chapter just broke my heart into tiny little pieces. What a remarkable job you've done. Please, don't ever stop writing NCIS/Tiva fanfiction- specially this one story: it's one of my all time favorites. Thank you :)”

An incredibly kind and inspiring comment by a reader named Alexandra on my longest (WIP) fic, We Are an Ocean.

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

I’ve had two periods of NCIS hiatus this year—and actually, I’m still in the midst of the second one right now. These have periods of turmoil in my own life. When I’m upset, feeling sick, feeling sorry for myself and I’m depressed and aching... that’s when I write the best, because writing is my safety blanket. When I’m feeling numb, though, or lost... the characters are lost to me, too, and so are the words I use to wrap them (and myself) in comfort.

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

I’m going to deviate here from NCIS, which is—I’m well aware—why most of my followers have chosen to follow me. But in the last month, I’ve written a single fic for Criminal Minds—it’s called In Possibility, it’s unpublished, and it’s now over 100,00 words. It’s centered on Spencer Reid, who was intimidating to me when I started writing the fic. He’s far more intelligent than I am, requiring me to do a lot of research to give him realistic lines, he’s a deep and complicated character with complicated motivations and a tangled, traumatic past. He also has a sweet, really good heart that’s been scarred by years of difficult work and an emotionally taxing personal life. 

I thought he’d be difficult to write; to my surprise, he comes as naturally to me as any of my other favorite characters ever have. He gave me my first nanowrimo win! To be frank, he’s gotten me through a lot of shit this year. That was the best surprise.

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

To be honest, I wasn’t much of a writer before this year. I enjoyed writing, especially in a roleplay setting with fandom friends... but I deeply struggled with trying to write alone. I didn’t do much of it.

Then, this year, well... the concept of writing exploded into the most important distraction, escape, and joy I could imagine. 

I didn’t grow as a writer this year. I became a writer this year.

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

My most recent project—the one that, as I’ve said, is (and will remain) unpublished—has given me a new perspective. It’s written for an audience of me and only me... so I’ve given myself permission to engage in the most ridiculously self-indulgent writing I’ve ever embraced and thrown myself into. 

And it has been the greatest joy I could imagine in a time of great pain.* 

Next year, I want to throw myself into every project I work on with as much reckless abandon as I’ve done in this last project. I want to stop worrying so much about what people will think and pursue the words that are bursting out of the fingers on my laptop keyboard. I want to have confidence in my ability to draw out emotions—if from no one else, at least from myself.

“If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain.” —Emily Dickinson

And it’s alright if that one heart is mine.

That’s what I want to accomplish in my writing next year, and what a growth that would be!

* I’ve mentioned this in my last post, but I’m recovering from brain surgery, I also have the COVID-19 virus, and I’m working on passing a kidney stone that may be too big to pass. I’m writing 10,000 words a day to get through it—and it’s working. Distraction is everything to me right now.

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

Like Sof, I have to tag three people here, because I really couldn’t choose just one. My three best friends in the world all influenced my writing in their own ways! <3 (Sorry for deviating a little from the writing thing in some of the following lines, oops. I just have emotions that are all over the place this week!)

@indestinatus — One of a few best friends who has had my back every day for so long now. She listens when I need to talk things out—whether or not I’m talking about writing. She really gets me when I need to be silly, or I need to be serious, or I just really, really need a friend. Also, she inspired me to start learning Portuguese this year, and I’m actually practicing by writing a fic in Portuguese, lol. It’s slow going... but Sof encourages me (and corrects me, haha) whenever I work on it, just as she does with absolutely anything else I work on. Truly, I’ve had few friends in my life that are so special to me, and I love her. I really do. 

@why-did-you-just-lie-to-mcgee — Is there a better cheerleader on this earth? Is there a better friend? Doubtful on both counts. She thinks I’m a disaster—and, by the way, she’s absolutely right—and she sometimes has to remind me to eat and sleep, but she’s totally cool with being my internet mom. Doesn’t matter that she’s nearly a decade younger than I am, lol. All of these things have bolstered me when the writer inside of me has faltered, and she has carried my burdens as I wrote them out. Anyway, she reads everything I write, and she has requested to gain access to all of my unfinished chapters and unpublished works in the event that I die—I completely trust her with that nonsense. I’ve written it into my will. Really. Like with Sof, I genuinely love Tiz, and I’d do anything for her. 

@honeybadgerdocare — Best friend of 20 years. She doesn’t watch the same shows that I do, and my endless ranting makes very little sense to her... but she listens. She’s my sounding board for everything I write, everything I read, everything I watch, and everything that gives me big feelings. I genuinely can’t describe how much she has helped me with my writing every single day, so I’ll leave it at this: I could not do it without her. I’d drown in my own struggles and I’d stop creating the art that sustains me. She’s my soulmate—sorry to her fiancé. All of my love goes to her!

11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

HAHAHAHAHA it’s cute how you think my writing is anything other than a re-organized and fictionalized version of my life and my feelings. Real life shows up in my writing, and my writing shows up in my real life. It gets crazy and obsessive, but like... I had a trip to Israel booked this year (obviously canceled due to the pandemic, but still) because Ziva comes from Israel. (Also because of my Jewish adoration for the spiritual homeland, but the thought of going and the trip planning all started with Ziva.) I went to Baltimore so I could run down an alley yelling “YOU CAN’T OUTRUN ME, I’M WEARING TUBE SOCKS!” to encourage my inner Tony DiNozzo. I nearly froze to death in Washington, D.C. and called my mom every time I saw a little red mini coop that looked like Ziva’s, or came across a place that was featured in an NCIS scene.

And to answer the actual question here, because I obviously flipped it around like the moron I am... when the pandemic canceled things I was desperately looking forward to, I wrote a fic where Tali’s excitedly anticipated dance recital got canceled because of the pandemic. I lost my appendix (last year, but the fic was written this year — does that count?) and wrote a fic where Tali loses hers, too. (I swear, I don’t always write things that torture Tali, lol, these are just my best examples!) When I lost a couple of loved ones this year, I wrote a funeral scene where Tony and Tali remembered Ziva. Writing is definitely free therapy, y’all.

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

Write for yourself—write what you love, and you’ll love what you write. That’s all. That’s it. That’s my advice, something I’ve learned this year.

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

I’ve been working on We Are an Ocean for roughly a year now, and 2021 needs to see it finished. I’ve got a number of lovely, dedicated readers who deserve to see the story play out as it’s intended to be played out. 

Also, my greatest love right now, In Possibility, will probably write itself to an end in 2021. Or... who knows? Maybe it will worm its way into 2022, too. :-)

14. If you could recommend only one work from yourself published this year:

Since I already went into detail about my favorite fic of mine from this year (That We May Forgive), I’ll recommend a different one: The Stars Always Make Me Laugh. It has some of the darkest moments I’ve ever written, but it also has some of the lightest moments I’ve ever written. It was an answer to two different challenges, and if I can say this without sounding arrogant, I think I met the challenges beautifully. It gave me comfort, catharsis, and closure for a few things in my own life... and I hope it comforts my readers, too. 

15. Year word count: 

HOLY FUCKING SHIT (excuse my French). I just added up my AO3 word count + my current unpublished project, and... my word count is:

428,557.

FOUR HUNDRED AND TWENTY-EIGHT THOUSAND, FIVE HUNDRED AND FIFTY SEVEN WORDS

I nearly just fell out of my chair. Goodbye, friends. I am deceased.

[howtotrainyouragents]

Agent H’s Book Reactions

Raven Boys by Maggie Stiefvater

Blue Sargent joins a group of boys from Aglionby Academy who are on a search for a magical, dead Welsh king

-Okay, Tumblr, you win. I get why you guys are so obsessed with this series

-It’s been a while since I’ve done a book reaction immediately after the book, but I just finished it like five minutes ago and I am so raw I had to write down my reactions immediately. Like, this was so effin’ good and the perfect amount of magical/creepy/detailed-world I was looking for. It’s so delicious but also so creepy I’m glad that I read it now and not earlier in my life

-I love the fact that this takes place in Virginia. Like, this is totally a British children’s fantasy story, but Stiefvater was like, nope, we’re stealing that and we’re making it Virginian and we’re gonna make that make sense and I RESPECT THAT

-I wish Aglionby had more of an important role in the story, and I wish Gansey and Ronan’s families had larger significance (although I’m sure they do later), but I am very glad to see that Blue’s family had such an important role. (But do I still wish there was a Stranger Things-style team up of the psychics and raven boys after they all meet up at the house? yes, yes I do)

-Just. UGH. the gorgeous writing! the details of scene and character! The fun, the creepiness, the magic! I’m truly in love with and aspire to her writing level

-That being said, it took f o r e v e r  for the story to really start (and I didn’t realize the Welsh king quest was the whole series, so it really felt like forever) , and it took 150 pages for the Blue and the boys to meet, where I have a policy that the story should kickoff within the first 100 pages, so I was just a little-

-I wouldn’t say the pacing was off at any point because the character groundwork being laid down in between was just so good, but I did feel a small hiccup post-Adam’s dad thing. Like the story was really kicking off with the Whelk threatening Gansey and the group meet at 300 Fox Way and then the fight with Adam’s dad/Gansey, but then the story kinda slowed down and then had to kick back 100mph really fast for the end. Also, I think the ending was a little too abrupt and unfinished; if I was reading this back when the sequels weren’t published yet, I would have been so done with the whole thing

-That being said, having Noah back at the end WAS SUCH A RELIEF. I WAS READY TO MOURN MY BABY BOY. (Am I still worried about him later because of spoilers? Yes, yes I am) 

-I love a sensible character, so I just really enjoyed Blue (who is much more than just sensible, and that only makes me love her more)

-As for the boys, they were fantastically complex and well-written characters, ...but I don’t quite get tumblr’s obsession with them. Like I love Noah (because I have a weak spot for the under-loved character), but Gansey and Adam and Ronan were kinda of annoying. Like, Gansey wasn’t quite believable to me, Adam was too proud, and Ronan was too dark. Actually, scratch that. I think I feel this way because I’m at the age where I find teenagers as people I need to exasperatedly baby and protect. I’m sure they’re fine characters, it’s a me thing lol 

-I only like 50% cared about the romance here, but I very much enjoyed the way the story pulls the rug from under you about Blue and Adam

-So like...Gansey had a lowkey thing for Adam, right? I’m not the only one noticing that, right? Like, I am by no means discrediting close male friendships because they are so important, but like, comparing the way Gansey treats Ronan and Noah, there is a difference and a particular fondness, tenderness, and jealousy (that doesn’t seem to be because of Blue because Gansey didn’t have feeling for her yet) when it comes to Adam.

-Gansey was annoyingly pretentious and dumb, but also lately seeing how annoying and dumb rich people actually are, I really gotta hand it to Stiefvater for getting it on the nose. And I like the way that Gansey is so moralistic about murder and Adam is like nope, he needed to go

-So I had seen spoilers before because I never expected to read this book, and I’m really disappointed in myself because the Noah reveal would have been the plot twist to end all plot twists. But I shot myself in the foot because I happened to know that Noah’s last name was Czerny and therefore the minute Whelk mentioned Czerny I knew what had happened :( 

-Chainsaw!!

-I’m trying to think of what to say about Whelk except that he was a good character and weak person and he could have been a great villain but I think the story doesn’t allow him the time. Neeve was very interesting, and I wish we’d gotten to know so much more about her at the end

-I feel a little harsh in my critiques of the story, but truly this is one of the most unique stories I’ve read (plus with my need to unnecessarily spook myself), so my critiquing is not meant as a tearing-down but as a genuine, positive engagement with such a quality story. But also, I was just watching a video today on the excellence of Percy Jackson, so my standards are a little higher than normal

-I probably won’t read the sequels because they sound too creepy for me, but I’m dang curious about Ronan, so I might if I ever need another good dose of creepiness, hmmm.... 

[screamhole]

MY DATE WITH DEATH: A TRUE MEMORY & STORY

Did I ever tell you about my date with Death? Well, it’s a pretty horrible day where I’m at, so what better way to kill it than by spinning up one of my famous stories? And let me tell you, this one spins like a Beyblade in Hell on acid! 

Folks, let me tell you about the time I died, and all the fun I had along the way.

1. 

It all started in the bathroom, as so many classics do. I was brushing my teeth in the shower, as I am wont to do (note to reader: this means ‘as I want to do’; it looks dumb written out, but it’s actually smart as hell). Shower-brushing is a small time-saving trick of mine, which I never fail to apply on the daily. This day was no exception. I was all over those holy molars of mine when suddenly, I lost my footing on a bar of soap that I stand on (another of my time-saving manoeuvres) and I came tumbling down onto the slip mat. Slip is right, I thought, and would have made a note of that zinger had the toothbrush not become stuck in my windpipe. Choking, as I recall, I scrambled out of the tub and, knowing the house was empty because my wife Angie was at work, I rushed over to the neighbours’ apartment. Maybe they had air at their place, I thought. Sadly, I wasn’t quick enough; I was inches from their door when my body just couldn’t go anymore, and I collapsed on the landing floor. Luckily, I wasn’t naked; I had paused on the way to put on several pairs of pants. 

So that was it. Dead. Me. Me = Dead. Except it wasn’t how I expected. I mean, I wasn’t seeing all-nothing, or even all-black. In fact, I got up and saw myself, lying there, all-dead-and-all-soapy. “Ghost!”, I said. And I was right. I was a ghost. A ghost who got to hang around and see it all, as it unfolded over the next few hours: the neighbours finding me, the two police officers standing over my stiff, sud-ridden corpse. “What do you think, Sarge?” said the young one. “Another shower-sex hallway suicide?” “Don’t be stupid, kid” said the sergeant. “This guy’s wearing pants. I think we can chalk it up to a classic toothbrush-in-the-neck life hack gone wrong.”  “Good think I put on all those pants” I quipped, realising immediately that it was pointless because they couldn’t hear me. They couldn’t hear me! Damn, that was the deal, wasn’t it? You have to get all of the talking out of the way while you’re livin’. But there was so much I still needed to say about dyin’! This chin could be wagging forever, let me tell you. That’s some deal, huh? The one thing we all want to know about and here I am in the middle of it, with lips too stiff and dead to flap about it. How’s that for ass blastwards? So there I was, with a hell of a story to tell. And I knew there was only one person I’d be able to tell it to. 

Whoopi Goldberg. 

2. 

My grandma was dead. Is dead. She was dead, and now she is dead... again. Am I making sense here? She told me about the first time she died, back in the 90s. She was sucking on a Werther’s Original when it went down the wrong way and got stuck in her toaster and burned her house down. Lying on that hospital bed, she was legally dead for a good 27 minutes before they realised and resuscitated her (I think they were too busy watching some dumb Patrick Swayze movie on the communal television to notice). Thinking back, we all felt like she had gone crazy while she was dead, but now it seems there might have been some true-speak in all that wack-talk of hers. “If you ever die,” she once said to me as a kid, “If you die and you have to say something to a loved one, go to Whoopi Goldberg. I saw it. She helped me tell your grandfather he had soup on his good pants in the hospital, it was driving me crazy and was probably what set me off dying in the first place. I know it will work, son. If you need her, she’ll be there for you”. With those words in my ear, I packed a bag and headed out in search of Whoopi. 

I made it to the airport, and was having trouble scanning my passport with no corporeal form, when out of nowhere the whole room grew dim. People froze in motion, and there was an icy chill which took over the whole space. And then, a small light, like from the end of a tunnel, grew from behind the baggage claim. A screeching whistle came with it, before a train of bones roared past my face. The brakes braked, and as the bones ground to a halt out stepped a cloaked figure from the carriage. 

“Hello” he said. “You’re dead”. 

“I’m dead?” I asked. 

“You’re dead” he said. “And I’m Death.”

“You’re dead too?” I asked. 

“That’s right, I am Death” he said.

“Me too” I said. 

“I doubt it, kid” he said. “Anyway, sorry I’m late. There was some protest at Limbo station. All the staff walked out right after this demon... you know what? Not important. What is important is that you kicked your bucket. So hop on in, pup, next stop is your new forever home: Hell. OH. OH! That is, unless you want to play chess?” 

I turned away from the stranger. “Sorry, I don’t play that game… not anymore, that is.” I was kind of hoping that he would dig into my deep dark past relationship with the game of kings. 

“Suit yourself, friend” said Death. “Half the pieces are missing anyway. The one chess set on this hell train, you think these devil freaks are gonna put it back neatly? Fat chance. Anyhoodle, let’s get moving, up you come”. 

“I’m really going to Hell?”

“Yeah” said Death. “Frickin’ Hell City, USA. And unless you wanna effin’ play chess, kid, I don’t wanna hear any more fuckin’ back talk. Hop the eff on”. 

I couldn’t believe it. I had to escape; to re-live, and tell the tale of what death is like, and also what Death is like (note: make clear very handsome in second draft). A plan formed in my head, just like the plan to do a checkmate on the other guy forms in the head of a grand master chess player. “Oh, but Death,” I said “I really do want to play, but like you said we can’t play on that old set. It has no bishops”.  “That’s how we like it in Hell,” said Death, “it’s really more of a drinking game. Anyway, I take your point, kid; this chess board sucks. But where do you suggest we find a decent travel chess set at this hour, in this realm of existence? You got one in your great coat?” 

“No” I said. “But I think I have an idea. Let’s make a stop in… New York (maybe?)” 

3. 

Luckily, my plan worked out. I had managed to guess Whoopi Goldberg’s exact location: a Starbucks on 6th Avenue (note: check real place). I had also tricked Death into taking us there on the promise there’d be chess, and also he wanted a coffee. The train of bones crunched through the coffee shop window, shattering the glass and grinding the tables beneath it. Thankfully, this all played out in the dead dimension so it was totally fine. No one noticed. No one, that is, except Whoopi. 

“What the hell?!” she cried, jumping back from her table. 

“Whoopi,” I said climbing down, from the bone train, “you’ve got to help me. I’m dead and I know for an absolute fact you can send messages to the living.” 

“Oh I get it,” said Whoopi, “you think just because I played a medium in that movie that I can really talk to dead people?”

“Listen Whoopi, I’ve never even seen Sister Act, so please don’t assume I would be so irrational and quick to judge people like that. Instead of accusing me of stuff, how about you accept that you’re talking to a real ghost right now, and so therefore I am right.”

“Oh my God” said Whoopi. “I guess I can speak to ghosts. I guess all my years on The View have made me capable of speaking to anyone”. 

“Yeah: you, Jimmy Kimmel, Graham Norton… all supremely cursed folks. Talk-show hosting is a real double-edged sword. Back to me, though. Whoopi: can you call my wife and tell her I loved her? Oh, and also I won’t be able to make it to our Saturday UNO game for obvious reasons. Oh, oh, and that the obvious reasons are that I’m going to Hell on the bone train with Death. Sorry, so much has happened today, I forget to bring people up to speed.”

“I guess I don’t have much of a choice” said Whoopi. She closed her script for Sister Act 3 and opened up Skype, making a call to the account details I gave her. The little jingle played before a familiar voice answered. 

“Angie?” said Whoopi. “This is Whoopi Goldberg”

“And?” said my wife. 

“Angie, I’m calling on behalf of your departed husband.”

“Oh my god,” Angie said. “What has he done now?”

“He’s dead, actually,” explained Whoopi, “choked on a toothbrush before you got home. The police must have taken him away but stopped for lunch, so they’ve not gotten a chance to let you know about it. He wants you to know that he loves you, Angie. You were the best thing in his life. Doesn’t sound like tough competition for a man who loved toothbrushes and chess, but all the same, he wanted you to know.” 

“Cool, good to know” said Angie. “Hey, one second: does this mean that he’s talking with you right now?”

“Yeah,” said Whoopi “his spirit is here. Right now he’s looking at his hair in the window, even though he’s literally invisible.” 

“Well, if he’s really there,” said Angie, “I’ll ask him something only he would know and that will prove ghosts are real. What’s my favourite colour?” “Shit…” I said. “Uh, I dunno, green maybe”. 

“Uh, I dunno, green maybe” said Whoopi. 

“Wow, that’s spooky”, said Angie. “It’s actually purple, but that idiot always thinks it’s green. He even painted the house green for our anniversary. What a dunce. Ok, cool, tell him no worries. If he can make it home tonight for UNO, great, but I’ll not be holding my breath.” 

“Don’t worry, my wife,” I said. I have a plan”

“Don’t worry, his wife, he has a plan,” said Whoopi. 

“I’ll definitely not wait up then. Thanks Whoopi. We loved you in Sister Act by the way” said Angie, and hung up. 

“Ah, guess I have seen it,” I told Whoopi. “Well, thanks for your help. I guess there’s only one option left: I’m gonna have to kidnap and murder Death”. 

“Why don’t you just beat him at chess and win your life back, like in that movie?” asked Whoopi. 

“For the last time, Whoopi, I don’t remember Sister Act at all!” I said. “More to the point, I don’t play chess. Not after… that night.” I was kind of really hoping someone was gonna ask about the deep dark past thing. It’s not often I get to tell these stories. 

“Suit yourself, kid” said Whoopi. “I guess you’re going to Hell, then”. 

4. 

The bone train door slammed open. 

“Ok kid,” said Death, “it’s been 50 minutes now. Do they have my mocha frapp or what? Are we gonna play chess now, or what? Honestly? I kind of feel like you’re using me for some kind of plot thing that’s going on for too long, and I just want to play some games to take my mind off the fact that my job sucks forever. You + Me = Hell, RIGHT NOW.” 

Think fast, I thought, at a normal thought-speed. Suddenly, it hit me. 

“Alright, Death. Time to play, for my very soul.” 

“Sweet,” said Death. 

“But not at chess.” 

“Ah, Jeez!” Death groaned.

“No, I could never play chess again. It’s actually a really cool and dark story that I haven’t had a chance to tell, but maybe I could tell it if…” “Yeah, yeah, what’s the game, kid?” said Death, doing the wrap-up-the-story hand gesture with his bone-fingers. 

I pulled a pack of cards from my great coat pocket (as in, the coat pocket is really great, it’s just a regular modern fashionable coat). 

“UNO?!” cried Death. “Kid, you really are going to Hell.” 

“Not if I can help it,” I said. “I was taught by the best: my wife. She made me the player I am today. And she takes no prisoners. So yes, Death. I’d wager my life on the back of her teaching”. 

Death pulled up a table, and leaned his scythe against the coat rack.

“Whatever, dude. Just deal ‘em out.” 

I played Death best of three. Best of three is right, I thought. More like the best three games of my life, let me tell you. They had to be, given what was at stake. We tied one-to-one. Death learned the game so fast, and he was soon a worthy competitor. It was down to the knuckle, which was unfair given his were so much more visible. We were down to two cards each, and it was his turn. I had to pull it out, but these last two cards were the worst I could have had. He slammed down a green 3. 

“This is it, kid. This next card’s a ticket to Satan’s ass. STANDARD CLASS.” 

I flipped a yellow 3. 

“UNO,” I declared, “and guess what, Death? You were so busy sassing me, you forgot to say UNO yourself, so you have to PICK UP.” 

Death shuddered realising his mistake. 

“What?! No!” he cried. “Ah, fuck this game! Why couldn’t we have played Demon Party Drunk Chess anyway. Oh my god, these cards suuuuuck!” 

The last card was one of those wild cards you can write on. “I’m done, Death. And my custom rule is that you have to give me my soul and my life back.” 

“The game’s over kid. Also, I don’t think that’s a real rule you can make anyway. But a bet is a bet.” He waved his hand, doing cool Death magic or something. “Now get back to living before I do something I regret”. 

I felt my spirit form fading as I regained my life inside my body. It looked kind of like that scene with Marty McFly in Back To The Future where he’s almost erased from existence. 

“Wow,” I said. “This is just like that movie”. 

“Yep.” said Death, walking away sulkily. “Just like Sister Act.” 

“Thanks for everything” I said. “So long.”

“You know, it is a shame. I would have liked to play with you again. But I don’t have friends much anymore. Things have been a little tough since the whole… incident.” 

“Suit yourself, kid" I said, vanishing into the air. 

“Oh well I guess I could stop by now that you mention it, ok thanks, see you and your wife tonight at 8??” 

Damn, I thought. My body had left that realm, but his words followed me. I guess it wouldn’t be the worst date I had in my life! I thought (man I gotta write these zingers down). “See you then, Death” I whispered, my voice going all ethereal. “See you then.” 

5. 

I woke up in the ground, soil trickling onto a cheap coffin the cops had stuffed me in. Weeping, some folks were throwing handfulls of dirt into the hole where I was lying. I didn’t recognise them, I think they just wanted a day out at the graves. I bust through the lid of that thing like it was cardboard, and climbed out. “Come on guys” I said, pushing off the coffin lid. “You gotta throw more dirt on than that, I haven’t got all day. If you give me a shovel I’ll get it done much faster.” And I did. And when I was done filling my own grave, I walked home, knocked on my door, and was met by my beautiful Angie. “Boy, did I miss you” I said, shaking her hand in a friendly manner. 

“You have soap in your hair” she said. 

“I know. And soil in my shoes babe, it’s a weird combination. But there’s also love in my heart. And if you’ll have me, I am ready for UNO. Speaking of which, I may have invited a friend along…” 

So there you have it. That’s how me and my wife Angie got ourselves a weekly dinner date with Death, of underworld fame. And you know what? It’s a lot of fun having him round. It can be hard to make friends as a couple, and he’s a good guy. Even though I sometimes worry a little too much about our fate beyond this lifetime, every time I hear that screechin’ bone-train a-comin’, I smile knowing it will all be ok. In fact, I think I hear it coming now…

…ok never mind, it was just my wife screamin’ at me again. 

[undersummerskyy]

Bechloe one-shot

I was going to write a really short Bechloe one-shot but it turned into this whole 3000 words of fluff thing and I don’t even know. Enjoy! 

Chloe loves to cuddle. Because, of course, she does. It isn’t really surprising; the redhead was known for startling her friends – mostly Beca – by wrapping her arms around them at the most unexpected times. It wasn’t quick either, Chloe would hug you and pull you as close as possible until it was almost hard to breathe. It scared Beca in the beginning. She’d had friends before, although not many, and knew that girls could sometimes get a little touchy-feely. So yes, she had had friends who would hug her, and she got used to the occasional ‘haven’t-seen-each-other-in-a-while’ hug, which was mostly just one arm wrapped around her waist and sometimes a quick press of lips against her cheek.

This was different though, Chloe was different. The first time it happened was the day Beca got bailed out of jail and she’d just had a rough fight with her father in the car. She was ready to go to bed and just forget everything. Forget the Bellas, forget about her dad, forget stupid fucking Jesse, just... forget it all. She should never have tried caring in the first place. But then, she’d walked through her door and there they were, waiting for her. It had surprised her. 

“You guys waited up for me?” She had asked, not being able to stop the smile from forming on her face. It’s hard to maintain a badass attitude when you’re exhausted.

“Of course we waited up for you.” Chloe answered, and Beca remembers seeing her lean forward in her seat, as if she was about to get up and walk over, but then her stupid roommate had interrupted them and the ‘moment’ or .. ugh.. whatever it was, had been ruined.

Later that night, after Aubrey had finished her ‘emergency Bella meeting’ and told them to all be at rehearsals the next day, 8 am sharp, they all left. Well, everyone except for Chloe.

Beca was fidgeting in her seat, aware of how close Chloe was standing next to her.

“I’m really sorry about tonight.” Chloe had said, then reached over and squeezed her shoulder briefly. “That we weren’t there for you, I mean.”

“I’m sorry too.” Beca replied, “I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“I thought it looked pretty badass.” Chloe said with a smile on her face and her eyes big and bright.

Beca awkwardly laughed at that. “Oh, well.. thanks, I guess.”

“You’re welcome.” She said it with the biggest smile on her face, only making Beca more uncomfortable.

“Well, I’ll just see you tomorrow then.” Beca then said, it wasn’t that she wanted to get rid of the other girl, she just didn’t really have anything else to say.

“Yes! Of course.” Chloe answered, walking over towards the door of Beca’s dorm room. Beca followed behind and opened up the door for the other girl.

“Once again,” the older girl said just as she was about to walk away, “I’m really sorry about not being there. I wanted to go to the station but Jesse stopped me. Makes sense actually, you probably wanted your boyfriend to be there instead of me.”  

“Jesse’s not my boyfriend.”

“Oh, okay, because Aubrey-“

“Yeah well, Aubrey is wrong about a lot of things.”

Chloe just smiled in response. Suddenly she was moving closer, and before Beca fully realized what was happening the other girl had wrapped her arms around her. Beca stood still for a second, surprised by the sudden move, then awkwardly brought one hand up to pat Chloe on the shoulder. She’d done this to her parents and usually, they’d back off and give her a tight smile. Chloe, however, just moved in closer. She pulled Beca flush against her, her hands on the other girls lower back, and Beca could practically feel her smiling against the side of her cheek. It was.. oddly nice. Beca finally stopped patting the redhead’s shoulder and just let her hand rest there, the other one still hanging loosely by her side.

Finally, Chloe pulled back, a big smile on her face. “Well, goodnight Beca.”

“Goodnight.” She’d whispered in response, not fully trusting her voice at that moment.

That moment was over five years ago.

Beca couldn’t believe it. Time was going by too fast.

She still often feels like that girl, but she also knows and sees in herself how much she has changed. She’s still badass, because of course, she’s Beca effin Mitchell after all, but she’ll allow herself the occasional smile. She lets her friends in too. Not all the time, but she trusts these girls, trusts them more than anything in life.

She’s living in Brooklyn, sharing a tiny apartment with Chloe and Amy. It’s not as bad as she thought it would be. The old Beca would never have done it, wouldn’t have even thought about it. She needs her space, craves time alone to recharge. But Beca™ kind of likes having her friends around. It’s nice to come home after a long day and find her friends sitting around their small table, clearly waiting for her to start dinner even though it’s late and they are probably starving. What’s nice as well is that every morning she wakes up and there’s a steaming cup of coffee sitting on her nightstand, courtesy of Chloe, who gets up a couple of hours before her every day.

It’s less nice that nobody likes cleaning, and that Amy likes to throw her stuff everywhere. It’s also not great that there are only two beds.

Not that she hates it, quite the opposite in fact.

Sharing a bed with Chloe Beale has been... eventful... to say the least.

First of all, she hogs the covers, like... all the time. And Beca gets really cold. She’s tiny, okay?! She likes wrapping herself up in blankets and being all warm but now she’ll usually wake up in the middle of the night, discovering that she has about 1% of the covers, and Chloe has the rest.

Secondly, Chloe is, well, Chloe. She tells you about her day in a whispered voice, offers to give you back massages like all the time (which Beca never accepts of course, but sometimes she gets close to saying yes and she’s afraid that one day she might). Chloe pokes her when she’s about to fall asleep and giggles when Beca stares at her as if she still is that girl Chloe met a little over five years ago. She also tells Beca about her dreams in detail every single day, because of course, she does.

But the absolute worst thing? Chloe loves to cuddle.

The first time it happened was by accident. Beca had been awake - and fucking freezing, thank you very much – when Chloe rolled over in her sleep (dragging all of the 99% of the covers with her) and had wrapped herself around Beca like she was some kind of koala.

It was kind of cute really.

Beca froze at first, but was honestly just relieved to have some of the covers back, plus it was Chloe, and Chloe hugged her all the time. She should be getting used to this right? Her heart shouldn’t be pounding. Yet it was.

After that day, it became kind of regular. The redhead would roll over in the middle of the night and they would cuddle. In the beginning, Beca would just lay still, not wanting to wake the other woman up, but after a while, she figured that moving her arm from underneath her to wrap it around the redhead wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, right? Right..

So far, they haven’t talked about it. Beca can feel Chloe untangling herself from her in the morning, and sometimes she swears she can just feel the redhead’s gaze on her, as if she doesn’t want to move away from her.

It’s been going on for a couple of months now. Or well, had. They just got back from their USO tour and suddenly everything is weird. Like, weirder than fat Amy. Which is a lot.

Beca knows she’s got a crush on Chloe. She’s known for a long time. It’s part of the reason why she hated the cuddling so much in the beginning. Like eating ice cream when you’re lactose intolerant, it just makes the ice cream taste so much better. She always thought it didn’t mean anything though, like it was just a thing they did because they’re good friends and Chloe’s just like that. But now, now she’s not so sure anymore. Chloe had kissed Chicago… and now everything was different.

But Beca was freezing. It was cold in their small apartment and Chloe had stolen the covers from her. She was sad and cold and upset and just in an ‘old Beca’ mood. Part of her wanted to storm out, find Chicago and punch him for ruining whatever it was that was between them. But that wouldn’t make sense. Again, the new Beca was really taking over her life here. Which is exactly why she did the following.

The brunette scooted closer towards Chloe and sat up a little so that she could stare down at her. She’d never in their entire friendship initiated any kind of contact besides a ‘super-quick-does-it-even-count’ hug when she’s feeling extra happy, or well.. drunk. Or both.

Anyways, here she was, staring down at her friend. Chloe looked so peaceful, she almost wanted to give up and just embrace the coldness. Almost.

“Chloe.” She whispers then, not wanting to wake up the other girl in the room with them.

“Chlo.” She tries again, pushing a little on her shoulder. The other girl starts to stir and turns around slowly, now laying on her back facing Beca. Her eyes are still closed but she’s definitely waking up now.

“Bec? You okay?” She mumbles, sleep dripping from her voice.

“Uh..” Be brave, Beca, she thinks, “I’m kinda cold.”

“Oh. Sorry.” Chloe responds, opening her eyes a little to see what’s going on. She looks down, noticing how she has all the covers and unwraps them from around herself. She pushes them towards Beca and rolls back, facing the other way.

Beca just sits there, holding the covers. She really thought this was going to go differently. Shit. She stays quiet for a full two minutes, contemplating if she should ask or just go to sleep. She knows Chloe is still awake, her breathing hasn’t evened out yet.

“I’m still cold.” She says then, cursing herself for not being able to keep her voice steady.

Chloe sighs deeply, like she’s tired. Well, she obviously is, because it’s freaking 4:12 AM, but like a different kind of tired.  

“Do something about it then.” The redhead finally responds, her voice all low and absolutely beautiful.

Beca was quiet for a bit. “What? Like, run some laps or whatever?”

“Beca.” Chloe just says. But it’s enough. She understands.

The younger girl lets herself sink further under the covers, takes a deep breath and then scoots forward, closer towards Chloe, until she’s pressed up fully against her. She can feel her heart pounding in her chest because this is so different than anything they’ve done before. They’re spooning, like actually spooning. Beca tentatively wraps her arm around the other girl’s waist, noticing how Chloe sighs deeply, contently, and pushes herself even closer. Beca’s asleep within minutes.

They don’t talk about it the next day.

Chloe doesn’t move over towards her side when they’re in bed. She just turns around again and mumbles a ‘goodnight’ to Beca. No story, no poking, nothing.

She’s a little disappointed.

When she wakes up cold in the night she doesn’t hesitate this time. She’s cold and so tired that she doesn’t have the energy to care. She pulls the blankets up and slides in behind Chloe, confidently pulling the other girl against her. She stirs a little, and Beca swears she can see a small smile on her face. 

They’re a little tipsy. Not drunk, because they’re getting a little old for that shit, but tipsy for sure. They’re stumbling into the apartment, having just come back from a night out with the girls. It’s been 5 months since they got back from the tour now and a little over three weeks since Beca and Chloe last hugged. Chloe hasn’t been hogging the covers because the weather has been better and Beca feels weird doing it now. Plus, Chloe has Chicago, right? She’s not even sure. She hasn’t asked. She knows that makes her a horrible friend, but she’s never really been that girl anyways, the one who talks about boys and braids hair, so she figures Chloe can forgive her for not asking.

They stumble to the bed, trying to get rid of their clothes and put on their pajamas. Amy is still out, so at least they don’t have to worry about waking her up. Finally, after a bit of a struggle and a lot of giggling from Chloe, they’re in bed.

“Chloe. Chlo. Chlo.” Beca says, grinning widely.

“Oh my god, yes. What is it?” The other girl responds, rolling over to face her friend.

“Hugs.” Beca says, opening her arms and smiling at the redhead.

For a second she has a look on her face, like she’s trying to stop herself for whatever reason, but then she’s grinning widely and wrapping her arms around Beca in a way that she hasn’t done in a long time. Like she just decided not to care or whatever.

It’s an awkward position, with both of them laying on their side and stuff, but she’s not about to pull away. She’s missed this, missed feeling like she was the most important person in Chloe’s life. She knows that’s selfish, but she can’t help it. The redhead squeezes her even tighter for a second, then complains that her arm is getting tired and pulls back a little. Beca actually pouts.. like… what has she become?

They’re laying face to face now, and it reminds her of hood night, all those years ago. It makes her chuckle.

“What?” Chloe asks, clearly confused.

“Just…” Beca responds, then leans her forehead against Chloe's “I think that we’re gonna be really fast friends.”

Chloe laughs softly. “Just when I thought you were becoming all nice and stuff.”

Beca ignores the comment, and instead glances down at Chloe’s lips. “I thought that you were going to kiss me.”

“Sorry?”

“That night, I thought you were going to kiss me.”

It’s quiet for a few seconds, and Beca thinks that maybe Chloe’s falling asleep, or just decided to ignore it. She hates herself for saying it now.

“I was, at first.” She suddenly says, causing Beca’s eyes to widen.

“Uh-Wha-How-Why?” She stutters.

Chloe smiles. “You ask too many questions. I don’t know, I uh- I guess I just wanted to. I changed my mind though.”

Beca takes a deep breath, now avoiding the redhead’s eyes. The alcohol is giving her the courage she needs and she pushes herself to say: “I wish you had.”

Chloe seems taken aback by that, pulling away a little and looking into Beca’s eyes. Her eyes shift then, landing on her lips. “Do you- do you still want to?”

“I uh-“

“Oh.” Chloe responds, as if she’s got her answer.

“Chloe, let me talk. I do want to but uh- I uh- this is hard.”

“It’s really not.”

She pushes forward then, pressing their lips together. Beca gets lost in the feeling for a minute. Chloe’s lips move against her, closed and so so soft. It takes everything in her to push the other girl away softly.

“Wait. Please.”

Chloe just stares at her, confused but giving her time to think. 

“I don’t want to experiment. Or whatever.”

“Why are you saying that?”

“The lodge? You mentioned-“

“Oh, right. I had forgotten about that.”

Beca chuckles. “I haven’t. Kinda haven’t stopped thinking about it.” She blushes then, realizing that she probably shouldn’t have said that. “Point is, I don’t want something like that. I uh- I really like you, Chloe, like really. I do want to kiss you, but if you’re just doing this because you’re drunk or want to have fun, or you know, experiment, then I can’t do it.”

She looks down at her own hands beneath the covers, laying close to one of Chloe’s. “I can’t do it. It’ll break me.”

“Becs.” She says, tilting the other girls chin up. “I really really like you too, okay? I’ve wanted to kiss you for a long time. So can I, please?”

She wants to say yes, but there’s still something bothering him. “What about Chicago, aren’t you two…?”

“We were never anything. He was just.. fun.. I don’t know. I guess I thought that maybe if I pretended to like him I actually would and then I could just get over you. It didn’t work, and I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?”

“For hurting you, for being stupid. I just- I never know with you, Beca. You’re so closed off.”

“I’m working on it.” 

“I know, softy.” 

“Hey!” She says, smiling, then turns serious, “Is that why you were suddenly pulling away from me, by the way? Not uh- hugging me and stuff?”

Chloe nods. “It was too much.”

“Like ice cream, huh?”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“When you’re lactose intolerant.”

“You’re weird.”

“Well, you’re weirder, and I would really like to kiss you now.”

Chloe chuckles and wraps a hand around Beca’s neck to pull her closer. Their lips meet and the brunette can’t help but moan into the kiss instantly, so glad that this is finally happening. Eventually, Chloe’s tongue traces her bottom lip and she gasps into the kiss, opening her mouth. The older woman uses the moment to slide her tongue into Beca’s mouth, deepening the kiss. They’re both moaning now, Chloe’s hands sliding underneath Beca’s pajama top to trace her stomach muscles. The other girl smiles into the kiss, then rolls them both over so that she’s on top of Chloe now. She slides her own hands under Chloe’s shirt and up until they reach her bra. She moves her lips away from her mouth to nip at her neck. She pulls back a little as her hand slides even higher.

“Is this too fast?” She asks, a little breathless.

“Becs, it’s been five years. I think we’ve waited long enough for each other.”

[sarahunfiltered-blog1]

April Reflections/May Intentions

Happy May!!

April was quite the roller coaster. A lot of ups, and downs and twists and turns. 

A couple of highlights were me reconnecting with an old friend and rekindling our friendship, I was ghosted out of NOWHERE by someone I thought was my friend, I made it through my more keto friendly month alive (blog post to follow on how it went), my life’s purpose or at least part of it was revealed to me in the most beautiful and crazy way (blog on this to follow) and the last day of April I was tested to see if I’d follow my intuition and that still small voice within that I’ve been questioning and I didn’t and welllllllllllllllllllllllll... someone hit my car (blog post to follow on this as well). I 100% learned my lesson on that one. My car is fine, I’m fine, just a fender bender that the ladies insurance will cover at all costs to fix it and they’re providing me with a rental until it’s fixed. 

Moving on...

This morning I finished up my May Intention list and sat down and pulled a few oracle cards. I asked for one to be on how I need to go about May and what I need to focus on and the other on what message I need right now for today to do my best. I’ll go into further detail on those below. :)

Now to go through my April Intentions and reflect.

Purchase Morgan Tyler’s e-book and practice it for the month - DONE. Funny story on this. She is actually coming to Texas this coming weekend and I get to meet her and take a yoga class with her and go to luncheon after. YAY. So. Effin’ Excited. I had no idea she’d be coming to Texas when I bought her book, but I FREAKED out when I saw her make the post on it and I immediately bought my VIP ticket to go. 

Start keto with Michael - done. The first week and a half were absolutely horrid and I legit felt like I was dying, but it got better. (like I said above I’ll be writing on this in a future blog post)

Try out bone broth - done. LOVE it. 

Pay $500 towards debt - DONNNEE!!! I was so happy I was able to make this happen!! I basically saved almost double what I usually do. 

Go for evening walks after work and hike often - evening walks didn’t happen, but hiking did along with lots of walks on my breaks at work. I actually have a weird tan line on my feet from my shoes from all the walking I’ve done at work.

Eat less pasta, rice, sugar and dairy - I didn’t have pasta all month, I had rice a few times, but only on the weekends if we’d go to Chipotle. I didn’t eat anything with processed sugar and when I’d eat something sweet it was keto friendly and made with monkfruit and dairy is a part of keto and I do pretty ok with cheese from what I can tell. The thing that gets me the most is wheat and SUGAR. I’ve really been slowly cutting back on sugar this whole year and that is what got me at the beginning of the month the most.

Try out phat bombs - done. We’ve tried out so many different kinds and my fave are definitely the chocolate chip cookie dough and cheesecake. 

Be quick to surrender - done. I’ve started to realized I’m not near as resistant as I know I can and the more I’ve surrender the more the Universe has revealed to me.

If it’s not a eff YES, it’s an eff no - this is something I’ve really had to work at since in the past I’ve been a over the top “yes” person and the person who paid for it ended up being me and I’m just not ok with living that way anymore. Saying no isn’t a bad or mean thing and it’s still something I’m learning on the daily and it’s getting easier the more I practice it. 

Plan and book camping trip w/ Michael <3 - the plans are still in the works because the days we did try and book weren’t working out smoothly, so I backed off on it and will revisit it a little later. I don’t ever want to force something to happen and I saw it starting to happen with this, so I surrendered and asked for it to come back to me when it was time.

Purchase teeth whitening kit - doonnnneee and I loooooove the results!!

Less screens, more books - this did and didn’t happen. That is why you’ll see for May I’m not on social media BECAUSE I have books I’m reading and want to make the time for them.

Treat myself to a pedi - done!! and it was gloriousssss and I found my new favorite spa and it just so happens to be not even a mile away from where I live. 

April overall was good to me and I’m grateful for the many ups and downs and I’m even more proud of myself to surrendering when I need to and also standing up for myself when I know I need to. Finding balance with communication, surrendering, boundaries, speaking my truth and saying “no” when I know in my gut I need to isn’t always the easiest, but just like with anything I have to work that muscle to make it stronger and stronger cause let’s be real.. I don’t want to be this doormat of a person who never speaks up and doesn’t set boundaries and let’s people walk all over her and in turn try and control EVERYTHING around me because I’m so overwhelmed and miserable. It just isn’t quite my cup of tea anymore.

I have a few things I’m really focusing in on this month. 1.) learning and practicing reiki, 2.) reading more books and 3.) HAVE FUN. Every single weekend starting this coming weekend is full of fun and exciting events that I’ve really been looking forward to!! I’m taking a social media break all of May, so I can better focus my attention on the things I’m learning and just to honestly detox just a bit from it. The first few days really sucked, but I’m getting into the habit of taking a book I’m reading with me to work and having one on my phone and I’ll read on my breaks or in the evenings or during my morning quiet time. I’m currently reading “How to Be Well” by Frank Lipman, “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck” by Mark Manson, “Musings of an Earth Angel” by Suzanne Adams and I purchased a Reiki course I’m reading and practicing through as well. 

So I said a prayer and asked for a message about what I need to focus on for the month of May and I pulled “Soul Family” and for me the message was telling me that I need to be open to unexpected people that will be coming into my life this month and embrace them with love. I’ll be in Austin this weekend, Waco another and Florida as well all throughout this month and I’ll come in contact with so many people, so who knows. I may be making a new soul family friend come the end of May and I’m open and ready for it because I love new people and I love friends.

Then I went to ask for a message for today and I heard very clearly “pick up your Rumi deck” and something with me using oracle cards I feel a surge of electricity when using these and the ones that is basically shocking my hand is the one I need to be using and after pulling the “Soul Family” card I didn’t feel that energy anymore in the deck I picked up, so I listened an grabbed my Rumi deck and pulled the most perfect card for me. Part of it said “You are the lion and the deer. You are bold, fierce and vibrant, and you are silent, sweet and gentle.” This spoke to me because there are times where I feel too nice, too sweet, too harsh, too blunt, too vulnerable and then I feel the need to play it small and be quiet, but here’s the thing. I am bold and fierce, but I’m also sweet and gentle and I’m learning when I need to be one or the other and honor how diverse I am and to find a balance and acceptance with all of it. I can’t and don’t want to be one thing all the time. I do, however, want to be a light for everyone around me and sometimes that’ll require a more bold Sarah who speaks up and sometimes a more gentle Sarah who is a listening ear and holds space.

That’s all I have for now and be sure to be on the lookout for my life purpose discovery, keto friendly month, skin care routine and the realization I had from my fender bender the other day blogs that are coming real soon. :D 

Until next time...

Sarah xo

[franeridart]

This might be too much to ask but I broke my laptop and only have access to mobile and I'm dying to know what I'm actually missing but I can't check would you be able to describe it? Sorry I know this is annoying ignore it if it's too much trouble

It’s not annoying so don’t worry about it, but my posts should all be visible, now? At least my app doesn’t give me the option to request a review anymore… if you can’t see them still they’re all (aside from the one I posted earlier) backed up on my wordpress blog! You can see them from there without me needing to describe them~

Anon said:Franeri-san what dimensions do you usually use for your canvas? When I draw I end up making the canvas too small, so when i zoom in to make details it becomes pixelated. But I also don’t need my canvas too big because I won’t be able to proportion it;; it’s a visual thing… Ah I’m rambling sorry

I use a 6000pxx5000px with a 4px brush, usually, but I really rarely use it all, mostly it’s just like, corners of the whole thing. I tend to draw a lot of things on the same canvas before switching to a new one - that said, personally I can’t draw properly if I don’t zoom in above 100% (usually I work at 150% or 200%, more for details) so I’m really not the right person to ask this haha

Anon said:I saw that profanity is now being blocked more heavily by safe search so our good, good but foul mouthed Baku may be the reason your stuff is hidden. You’ve probably already heard this but I thought I’d let you know~

Rip so I heard orz though let’s not give our Baku all the fault here, I swear a lot by myself too haha I’m my own ruin, seems like - thank you for taking your time to share the info, anyway!!

Anon said:I’m really happy about your blog not being censored seriously. CAUSE YOU MAKE WONDERFUL DRAWINGS THAT FILL MY HEART AND I WAS STARTING TO PANICK. Keep up the good work~. 🖤

And I’m really happy you can properly see my blog, you sweet sweet cute and adorable anon!!!!!!!!!! *O*

Anon said:Hello! First, I love your art and your headcanons and stories! I am in love with bakushima half because of you, you beautiful tart. Second, about Bakugo’s laugh, holy crikey, of course he’s loud and explosive. The boy is a ball of stress and anger and when he laughs for real, it’s rare and takes effort. But like, can you just imagine when his explodo-kill mask cracks his face turns red because he doesn’t want to laugh. But THEN he barks out a laugh and everybody’s stunned and then he just SNORTS

YES!!!!!!! Oh my god yes that’s an hc I have he definitely, definitely snorts when he tries to hold back his laughter it’s so effin adorable I die every day a lot bless that kid

Anon said:Who tops of in your opinion in Bakushima?👀

Maybe either, maybe neither, depends on many things but mostly on how I don’t ever ask myself this question for any of my ships so I got no answer for it at all ever - instead we should ask ourselves the important questions, like who opens the water bottles between them (Kirishima when Bakugou’s palms get too sweaty and Bakugou’s forever resentful about it), who kicks when they sleep and who always ends up sleeping on the floor because of it (Bakugou’s the restless sleeper, poor Kirishima), who takes way too damn long in the bathroom goddamnit Kirishima get out of there already I swear to go——-

Anon said:your blog makes me really happy just keep doing you you’re like the best thing

Thank you so much holy smokes!!!!!!!!!! *O*

Anon said:wait wait wait wait! is Bakugou the one teaching Shark Kirishima sign language?? then does that mean Kirishima learned to sign ‘I love you’ from Bakugou!? (Q/)////(\Q)

They’re learning together!! They have an online dictionary and follow online courses, so Kirishima kind of looked it up for himself at first - he was signing it as love instead of really like thoug, which made Bakugou indecently flustered so in the end, yes, he was the one to teach him how to properly sign it :D

Anon said:Will you still be updating this blog?

Sure will! The wordpress one is just a backup thing!

Anon said:wait so question: in the mer au, does kiri know jsl from before? because the way he reacted to bakugou first attempting to sign at him looked like he recognized it but you said they both had to learn? does he react like that because he recognizes it as bakugou actively trying to communicate? (btw this au is So Good i love how kaminari is just “why are you like this” at kiri but his Gay Ass cant be swayed)

I’m glad you like it!!!!! And nope Kiri didn’t know jsl from before, but mers do have something similar to a sign language (there’s deaf and mute merpeople too, after all) so he recognized it as Bakugou going “I want to talk to you and this is the best way to” - also, he’d never seen a tablet before and Bakugou was showing him an explosion on it to make him understand and instead he went “what is this SORCERY” and got excited about a gif. Good, pure kid. I had no clue how to add that in the comic in a fast way tho so let’s leave it at him being happy they found a possible way to communicate haha

Anon said:Hi Fran!!! Hace you reas the theoriws aboyo kiri o kaminari Boeing traitors? Si you know where they came up? I’m lil bit lost even tho I’m up with the man lmao ALSO pls more maki-chan

So pretty much at some point in the middle of a meeting Present Mic mentioned how there probably was a traitor between them that kept on feeding the villains infos about UA, and the fandom of course got interested in that!! Who could it be? They started thinking it through and for some reason the theories that ended up being more popular are about it being either Kaminari, Kirishima or Hagakure - I don’t think any of these are true, but if you google search “kaminari traitor theory” or the same with the other two names you should easily find the posts explaining the theories and where they come from, if you’re interested!

Anon said:omg fran i haven’t watched/read bnha but still solely bc of your art i am IN LOVE with kirishima. he’s such a pure being I feel like crying every time i see him??? like i just watched the first opening of the anime and you bet i watched the 5 seconds kirishima gets over and over. like all the bnha kids seem great. i am somehow extremely motivated to read bnha now thanks to your art. BUT OH MY GOD KIRISHIMA I LOVE HIM SO MUCH WHAT EVEN

You picked the best fave you could ever pick, anon!!! Kirishima is the BESTEST boy, purest and brightest and energetic and actual sunshine and also super strong and resilient and kind of an ass now and again but in a good way he’s GREAT I’m IN LOVE with him good job your intuition is perfect

Anon said:THE MER AU WAS THE CUTEST THING EVER I LOVE SHARK KIRISHIMA AND THE TAGS ALL GAVE ME LIFE

GLAD YOU LIKED IT OMG!!!!!!!

Anon said:I love all your art, but especially all your self indulgent stuff bc first off HELLS YEAH DO THE STUFF THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY and another is it feels like self indulgent stuff for me but I’m not the one making the thing… So like… It’s Good™ BUT YEAH ANYWAYS I LOVE YOUR ART AND YOU AND YOUR ART MAKES ME HAPPY TBH I HOPE YOU’RE HAVING A LOVELY DAY

AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH also this is super nice to know because sometimes being self-indulgent is all I can manage to do haha r i p but at least now I’ll know you, for one, will like it!!! That’s nice!!!!!!

Anon said:If you were ever bored and wanted to do more of your mershark au thing I wouldn’t be mad at all ! 😝 your art is so cute and easily recognizable and I really enjoy it! Stay beautiful lovely Fran!

!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I really, really think I will!!!!!!!! :D

Anon said:I bet if denki tried to do the “if i jump at ______ they will most certainly catch me” with bakugou, bakugou would just let him fall

Oh my god no Bakugou’s reflexes and instincts are too fast and automatic the actual reaction at seeing someone run and jump at him would be without thinking trying to explodo-kill them don’t jump at him Kaminariiiii

Anon said: What to you think of a school dance bnha concept thing???

I read a bakushima about it once and I DIED so actually A++++ great perfect amazing concept I love it

Anon said:I gotta know,what do you think of the “Dabi is Todoroki Shouto’s brother” theory? i personally feel like that 1’s the most likely theory to become a legit thing but im curious

I talked about this on my main just the other day!! And added something about it earlier through another ask! But generally I think it’s believable, and I wouldn’t mind it being true :D

Anon said:But, what are your feelings about this chapters? And Kirishima? God, I love him even more and want him to be happy, but Im also dying to know what happened to him in his past!!

I CRIED I love that boy so much I swear it’s getting ridiculous I’m so so proud of him and how far he’s come and I just want him to be happy??? I do want to know his past tho!!! I’ve just been asking for this for, like, eight months!! I hope next one will be the one I’ll finally learn about my child tbh ;–;

Anon said:Fran you should totally do bnha and haikyuu calendars

………………..boi that sounds like a lot of work, anon. Like, it’s an interesting idea, but also my lazy ass is telling me no way no what the heck go to sleep instead r i p

Anon said:Have you ever thought of an eraser mic fusion?

I’ve drawn it already!!

Anon said:fran i?? i love the way you draw smiles?? idk i was just going through your art and i realized that holy SHIT i really love the way you draw smiles. like each smile is different and has its own specialty. esp bakugo’s smile I LOVE HOW YOU DRAW HIS SMILE!! like usually it’s not really noticeable but then there’s that slight quirk of his mouth (see what i did there?) and it’s so perfect. idk dude i just REALLY LOVE THE WAY YOU DRAW SMILES

THIS IS SUCH A CUTE ASK I DON’T KNOW HOW TO ANSWER HELP ME !!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you????? so much??????? I’m glad you like them cause honestly I love drawing people smiling and laughing, it makes my heart smile too~

Anon said:Theres a bnhaStuck blog in the works ;)

That’s? Nice! I guess!! I hope whoever’s working on it will have fun with it!!

Anon said:Fran this last BNHA chapter hurt so bad. And then I saw your mer-Kiri and it cheered me up!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m glad I could cheer you up cause honestly I felt that pain a whole damn lot too ;A; let’s hope Kiri won’t have to suffer much more in this arc #sob

Anon said:im crying fran, my hard bby kiri in the latest chap,,, my baby boi, i know that i wanted to know more abt him but,, keep my baby safe pls oh goodness gracious… (and as usual ur bootiful art keeps me alive)

I mean nearly all the character arcs we got are damn sad so it was obvious Kiri’s was going to be too, but still ;A; don’t make him suffer too bad Hori I beg u ;A;

Anon said:*takes deep breath* I FUCKING LOVE YOU SO MUCH THANK YOU FOR MAKING QUALITY ART OF MY FAVOURITE SHIPS YOU ARE SUCH AN AMAZING PERSON AND YOUR ART IS VERY PRETTY AND I JUST WANTED TO THANK YOU FOR EXISTING IN GENERAL BYe

THANK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO MUCH OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:!!!!!!FRAN!!!!!! YOUR MER!KIRI AU!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D I’m glad you enjoy it!!!!!! 

Anon said:I love your work 😍. You are the only one who makes comics About my favourite ships. I check your web everyday If you post something new. My fav ships are I.waoi, bok.uroo and bak.ushima. Love your work 🙂

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh thank you!!!! holy smokes!!!!!

Anon said:Do you have an OC for Boku no Hero Academy?

The closest things to bnha ocs I have are the fusions, right now, but there’s a couple of asks in my inbox about a bkkr kid… soon……..

Anon said:Quick question, I want to read haikyuu, I’ve watched the anime already and I was wondering how close the anime follows the manga, like how bnha is basically identical, is it the same? Or is there a bit of difference *^*

I’m SO SORRY THIS TOOK ME FOREVER TO ANSWER - I bet you already found your answer elsewhere, but anyway the anime is pretty much exactly the same as the manga!!

Anon said:Back on the topic of hq!!! I find it funny how people ask about bok.uroo so much as if you dont like them anymore when they’re literally still your header, like if you didn’t care for them they’d think you’d change it to bakushima or something

I’ve literally thought about changing my header so often but then I look at it and I’m like….. my kids………… I can’t do this………………. not yet…………………. same for my icon tbh haha I love them too much rip

Anon said:Okay but what if Kirishima makes a really stupid pun and Bakugou just turns away with a curse and he’s just covering his mouth and quietly giggling into his hand because even he can’t believe he found that funny, and that is SHAMEFUL. And Sero in the distance is just looking at him, all disappointed. Quietly judging the fact that Kirishima and Bakugou are practically meant for one another.

You wanna know the best thing the absolute best thing? My very first bnha comic was something eerily similar to the first part of this ask! Only Bakugou was the one to accidentally make a pun - I’d link it but honestly my style was ridiculous back then so not happening, just know that I’m 100% sure that post is the reason why I keep on drawing bnha comics about puns, my very first post set the path for all the others to come hah a curse I don’t actually mind

Anon said:are you planning on starting another series? like the bokuroteru tattoo shop au you did (it was real dandy and rad) it was what made me find your blog, so i was wondering if you have any future plans for anything similar. i really like your blog lots, i hope you have a nice day!

Right now I don’t actually have any idea orderly enought to make a proper series out of it, rip - maybe in the future, tho! That one comic was fun to make, after all!! And thank you!!!!!!!!

Anon said:IM HARDCORE IN LOVE WITH TODOSHIMA THANKYOU SO MUCH FOR RUINING MY LIFE❤️❤️

I’M GLAD YOU LIKED HIM OH M Y GODS!!!!

[imsarabum]

Responses to {Part 24} I Won’t Stop You // Jeon Jungkook, Vampire!AU Asks~

Please ‘Keep Reading’ to find my response to your ask ^^ As always, I have copied and pasted all asks into this post in regards to last night’s chapter to avoid clogging up people’s dashboards and to avoid spoilers for those who may still wish to read the chapter. Thank you ^^

(I have also included asks that I received in the hours before IWSY was posted ^^)

Anonymous said: So I'm an English teacher living in China and every Wednesday I wake up at dawn just to read the newest update of IWSY! I loveeeee it!!!!!

That’s so awesome that you’re an English teacher in China! I really miss being an English teacher in Japan *cries* I can’t wait to do it again! But oh my goodness I feel bad that you wake up at dawn x.x I hope you manage to get a good sleep the night before or at least take a nap during the day! Thank you so much my love ^^

Anonymous said: Really quick! You are amazing and your writing IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING I have ever laid eyes on, my day today is scheduled around your your update! And 2 I always think of Boys Over Flowers when i see the word paradise 😂

Thank you so much my love, I fan girled so hard when you said that your day is scheduled around my update aahhh *hides* AND OMG YES “ALMOST PARAAAADIIIIISSSEEEEE” that was both the best and most annoying song every during that drama...it would have been better if they didn’t play it every 2 seconds lolol

Anonymous said: ITS TONIGHTTTT!! I REALLY CANT WAITTT 🙈🙈💞🔥

YES IT’S TONIGHT GET READY!!

Anonymous said: Hey Sara! I just want to say that IWSY is the best work that I've read in my 13 years of existence! You're really 대박! BTW, in my country you update every Wednesday 😂 Because I think when it's Wednesday here in Philippines it's actually Tuesday their. So lots of love from Philippines!! 💕💕😍😍

Omg hello to Philippines!! I really wanna go to Philippines someday, it looks so wonderful and I always hear about how the weather is always amazing :) Oh my god you’re thirteEN AND YOU READ MY SMUT I *faints* please make good decisions in life lol I beg you xD Anyway, thank you so much for reading and liking IWSY ^^ That means so much to me!

@talkmemeytome said: I love the iwsy series so much NICE ONE SARA and your other ones are amazing too ILY JFTJH

Thank you very much my love, I’m so happy that you like what I write! I love you too :)

Anonymous said: OK BUT IMAGINE IF VAMP!JUNGKOOK WAS GOING TO BE A DAD HE'D BE SO PROTECTIVE OF HER AND JUST A BALL OF SQUISH WHEN THEY'RE ALONE THO????????? WOW MY HEART

WOW WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? I’M ALREADY A HORMONAL EMOTION WRECK TODAY AND YOU JUST HIT ME RIGHT IN THE WOMB GOD DAMN IT :(

Anonymous said: iwsy is actually one of the best fanfictions i have ever ever read!!!!! i am so excited for this weeks update — thank you for being such a talented writer 🌹

You’re too kind to me, honestly. But I appreciate you so much for saying such wonderful things. I hope you enjoy tonight’s update my love, thank you so much!

@mocking-butts said: Mumsyyyyy I'm so excited for today I'm checking my phone constantly I know I will cry over this chapter dear lord I'm in need of help~!

Ahhhh I hope you enjoy the chapter! I had so much fun writing it :3 I can’t wait to hear what you think! ^^

@im-that-chesire-jax said: AGHHHHHHHH

Is that a cry of frustration I hear

Anonymous said: what are you trying to do to me!!! chapter 24!!! I can't even... holy shii the emotion roller coaster that is this fanfic

I didn’t do anything I swear! TT I hope you enjoyed it :3

Anonymous said: Tbh sometimes I have to reread some of the chapters of IWSY because it's so much to take in!!

That’s a good thing! I often get scared when I see people send in an ask SO QUICKLY after I post the chapter cos i’m like “there’s no way in HELL you read ALL of that and took in ALL the information in 5 minutes...” lol because I do put in a lot of detail and information and for someone who was to speed read it...I think it would be less enjoyable for them that way :(

@mocking-butts said: WAIT WHAT NO WHAT IS THIS NOOOOO IM SCREAMING NOOOOO MUMSY WHY IM NOW IN THE CORNER CRYING NOOOO I CANT BREATHE IT NEEDS TO BE NEXT WEEK!

You’re welcome my child *evil laugh* thank you so much for reading it!!

Anonymous said: I..Omg..WHY?! I want to cry..Yoongi better not hurt Y/N or I swear to God. Thank you for updating. Everything was going so smoothly and just BAM, it's like a punch in the face ;A; I hope Y/N will be okay.. -Kira Anon

You’re so welcome for the update Kira anon and thank you so much for reading the new chapter! And yes - just as the quote in the description referred to, I truly wanted to capture the essence of ‘the calm before the storm’ hehe ^^

Anonymous said: Sara!!!!! How could you do this to me? I. Cannot. Deal. With. This. U.K. Anon

I apologise for doing to you whatever I did! I hope you enjoyed the chapter my love :D

Anonymous said: Even though she was being careless in the last chapter, i really love the character Y/N. I love how inteligent you made her, but also shy yet feisty. She's not an annoying and whiny character, not Too Bold not Too Shy. I really love it! I love how both she and JK can have mature conversations about everything. I LOVE THIS STORY SO MUCH AHH i just. wow. I've been reading it since part 1 and i cant believe its been so long already!

Thank you so much, you’ve no idea how much that means to me! I wanted to try and make Y/N with as much transparency as possible - but with enough character to build upon so that it sets her as ‘part of the cast’ you know? Thank you so much for reading it and staying with it since part one, that means the world to me! And IKR! 24 weeks...damn. I knew that this series was going to be longer than expected after the 4th chapter, but I wasn’t expecting to get so carried away like this xD hehe THANKYOU once again my love ^^

@bangtangurlarmy said: SHIT PART 24 HAD ME CLUTCHING ON TO MY BLANKET BECAUSE I KNEW SOMETHING HORRID WOULD HAPPEN AMD I WILL SHAMELESSLY ADMIT I SOBBED THE MOMENT I READ THE DETAILS OF TAE TRYING TO WILL YOU TO TURN AROUND. IM SO SENSITIVE TO THIS SERIES. OH MY GOD. I JUST CANNOT WAIT FOR THE HAPPY ENDING ALREADY BECAUSE NO. I HATE ANGST. BUT I LIVE FOR IT AS WELL. AWESOME CHAPTER SARA😭

NO DON’T CRY DON’T SOB IT’S OKAY TT I wish I could tell you how it ends but I don’t want to spoil it for you :( AHHH thank you so much once again for reading the new chapter and I’m really happy you thought it was awesome!! ^^

Anonymous said: So uhm.. this may sound weird and dirty? and maybe not fitting? but UHM... I loved it when jungkook came inside Y/N. Filling her up with /his/ seeds. And then the talk about children.. when his heart became so warm to even think about the woman he loves carrying his little goofballs. I just get so giggly and excited to know Y/N is now carrying his seeds and the possibility of them going at it again without a condom.. and her really getting pregnant. They'd be such great parents T_T

NO OMG IT’S NOT WEIRD AND DIRTY lol you’re fine! Actually - this is probably tmi and probably no one knows this about me. But...it’s kind of a huuuuuge kink of mine? Like - of course I am on the contraceptive pill bc I am not at a stage to support myself and a possible baby having complete unprotected sex lol but a kink of mine is exactly that ^^ So don’t worry! It’s a completely normal thing to love :D And yes they would be such great parents I think :3 hehe

Anonymous said: Fuuuuuuckkkkkkinnnggggg cliff hanger gosh diggity darn it I really don't know how I'm gonna wait another week to find out what happens next. You're too good that this. 😱😑😠hahaha

You know it ;) hehe~ Thank you so much for reading my love!

Anonymous said: Aah ._. I just read the newest Chapter of IWSY and now I don't think I can go to sleep in peace ._. Why do your writings have to be so well described and giving me all the emotions T^T You're amazing though <3

Aww I hope you manage to get some sleep TT Sleep is important!! But thank you so much for liking the detail and all the emotions :3 That makes me really happy to hear! And hey - you’re more amazing, I promise you ^^ hehe Thank you once again love!

@animeimmortal said: God damnit. It had to go that way. God it had to -.- Oml the second she got the call saying "let us in" I knew something was up cuuz if it wasn't then they would just have called throu the thing I am so angry @ Y/N (myself) god so stupid so effin stupid lord Jesus Christ idiot ❤ your taken for writing is amazing. Like lord save me really the amount of little detail you put in there ❤❤❤

It definitely did have to go that way! heh~ It’s never all sunshine and rainbows in this house! xD Thank you so much for reading it and for taking time to notice all the little details I put in there ^^ I really appreciate that love ^^

Anonymous said: SARA IM FREAKING CRYING HOW COULD YOU DO THAT OMG IT WAS ALL NICE AND FLUFFY AND I THOUGHT MY EMOTIONS WERE SAFE FOR A WEEK BUT NO WHAT THE HECK WHY

YOU WOULDA THOUGHT ;D hehe NO EMOTIONS ARE EVER SAFE!!

@mysr3 said: Sara U Know I hold my phone since 1pm (9pm UK), so I can read when u post it! That how bad U got me wit IWSY🙈 U seriously have all emotions hit me wit this PT! Poor Tae n Jimin. JK will be so Pissed! Can Tmr be Tues again? Can we talk about JK n Y/N sweet moments? This is a relationship Goal! JK is so sweet! I know U will leave us with cliff hanger but this week is lit ToO MuCh Dont U think? Now let me cry in silent til next Tues! Thank you LuV! I Love You❤ Send u Big Hug! Have a Good Day!

Oh my god you’re so cute asdfghjk I’m so glad I could hit you with all the emotions with this chapter :3 And ikr? When can I have a relationship like VampKook and Y/N?? D: I want it now! lol It’s never too much for a cliffhanger, you should know me better by now :3 hehe I love you too my dear and I hope you have a great day as well!! *hugs back* thank you so so so much!!

Anonymous said: *sobs* poor tae... anD YOU *points finger* Le quEEN OF CLIFFHANGERS, AN AMAZING CHAPTER ONCE AGAIN

LE QUEEN OF CLIFFHANGERS HEHE *runs away* what did I do? :3 lol thank you so much my love ^^

Anonymous said: OMG SARA IM SCREAMING WHAT WAS THAT OMG FUCK

WAT HAPPEN

@theninjachan said: "Monday morning came after another night of Jungkook pushing you towards several highs in several different locations throughout his Manor– starting with the living room, going on to against one of the walls in his hallway, and ending in his bedroom as it usually did.   okay GOALS

Goals as fuCK GIVE ME THAT ANY DAY PLEASE. I’M SINGLE AND MY P***Y IS READY TO MINGLE (just kidding I’m as shy as a fucking pigeon goodnight)

Anonymous said: I'm currently bed ridden with the flu. So what's the only thing I do? Reread IWSY and the rest of your imagines. :D It's the best medicine. 💕

Oh no! :( I really hope you get better soon...having the flu sucks but I hope that you’re taking good care of yourself and taking medicine regularly and eating yummy soup ^^ I’m glad that IWSY and my writing can make having the flu a little more bearable. Thank you so much and I’m sending lots of healing thoughts your way!

Anonymous said: I know it's probs not gonna happen, coz ya know yoongi is supposed to be the evil guy, but I can't help but think what a twist it would be if once he captures her he begins to get feelings for her just like jungkook did.... THAT WOULD BE SO COOL 😎

I WONDER WHAT WILL HAPPEN *wonders* HMMMM :3

Anonymous said: You mentioned beauty and the beast and I was wondering if you had seen the movie, or if you included as more of a coincidence?

I did mention it! But actually, I haven’t seen the new live action movie yet - although I really want to! I’ll forever be a fan of the original Disney animation though, I don’t think even Emma Watson could win me over it hehe~ But I’ve used the beauty and the beast analogy for the IWSY series before~ so it is just purely a coincidence that the movie was released at the same time!

Anonymous said: Y'know, I should've known that something was gonna go wrong in this chapter, but I was like 'Nah, my good author friend would NEVER do that. Especially when I'm emotionally distraught.' and you gave me fluff. And I was happy. AND THEN THIS BANANA SPLIT HAPPENS. UNBELIEVABLE. I TAKE IT BACK. I'M STILL MAD AT YOU >:( - love Vampnip anon

BANANA SPLIT LMFAO VAMPNIP ANON WHY DO YOU ALWAYS REDUCE ME TO TEARS OF LAUGHTER I SWEAR TO GOD CHILD YJHVBSBDGKAJG Please don’t be mad at me, I love you very very much ;c

Anonymous said: I knew it aaalll along! Leaving her alone wasn't a good idea in the first place T.T But hey, the good point is that we'll see Jungkook savior's mode and I'm exciteeeeeeeed

Hmmm yes, indeed! I wonder what our Prince will do?! :3

Anonymous said: Omfg. WHY COULDN'T I JUST CALL KOOKIE! WHY AM I SO UGHHHH?! Love the cuddles and his departure was too cute. XD BUT STILL TnT  SARA WAEEEEE~ -Anon that pulled her friend into kpop(aka anon+friend⚇)

I’m not sure but I’m assuming that it would be hard to pull one’s phone out and dial for help when one has just been chloroformed :P BUT YES she should have called Kookie in the beginning when Tae asked her to come outside to confirm with him~ But she was too headstrong for her own goo! Thank you so much anon who pulled her friend into kpop! I hope you’re both enjoying the series ^^

Anonymous said: istg ur ff IWSY is hands down one of the best ive ever read! omg ive been a silent reader all this time and it is truly a pain in the ass to have to wait for the next chapter ugh bUT GIRL U KNOW HOW TO TRILL MY NERVES LIKE IN THIS CHAP 24 HOW I WISH TMR IS TUESDAY AGAIN </3 pls keep on going with more fluff!! and beb just so u know theres someone whos constantly waiting for ur update & love ur stories!

Ahh thank you from the bottom of my heart for that! That’s so sweet :3 I know it’s a pain to have to wait a week for the next chapter but at least you definitely know it will be uploaded at the same time! ^^ Thank you so so so much and I hope you’ll enjoy more to come!! c:

@koreaisanaddiction said: SARS!!! what have you done to meeeeeee!!! FUCK!!!! im going to be trying to solve this now for the next week!

Solve away :3 thank you so much for reading!

Anonymous said: NO READER NO i knew it was a bad idea, i could taste it wHY?!?! poor kookie is gonna be mortified... i feel so bad for tae, too! i mean, he obviously didn't want to do it but he didn't want jiminnie to die. i really hope jungkook won't hate him... i'm a mess help

Let’s hope everything turns out okay in the end! :3 thank you my love ^^

Anonymous said: The whole time at the end of IWSY I was thinking "NO! CALL JUNGKOOK OMG STOP!" You're such a great author I can't wait to see where this leads! 💕 I can't wait for next Tuesday

Yes she should have rang Jungkook but she was too headstrong! Silly girl ^^ Thank you so much :D

Anonymous said: OMG SARA IM JUNGSHOOK wow I cant wait for next week ! Also if Vampires cant enter a house without being allowed to how come yoongi was able to come into Y/N s house to murder her family 🤔 --wifey anon 💕

Because her brother Cassidy let him in ^^ Like I wrote in the previous chapters :) Thank you for reading the update love! ^^

Anonymous said: Mom you got me all the way fucked up. Hold up now. I was prepared for this. Like I was expecting a nice piece of cake and it was a plate full of Brussel sprouts instead. Fucking Min Yoongi you sexy little devil you. But it's all good cuz bae gonna swoop in and snatch y/n up and take her home where she belongs. Poor Jimin and Tae. Like they deserve so much happiness and the keep getting in shitty situations. But even though I feel betrayed THIS WAS A NICE ASS CHAPTER. I Love you 💜 ~LilKookieAnoN

Bae gonna swoop in haha yes hopefully c: I’m sorry for betraying you but I’m so happy you enjoyed the chapter~ i love you too lilkookieanon and I hope you’re doing well ^^

Anonymous said: OOOOHHHHHH FUCK! CHEEZUS SARA THIS TIME I WONT EVEN TRY TO CALM MYSELF DOWN! WHYYYYY??????? Ohmaigawd the whole freaking time it was like a horror movie; I could feel the suspense building and I knew something bad was going to happen, plus the added factor you ALWAYS end on a cliff hanger... CAN YOU FEEL HOW ANXIOUS YOU MADE ME FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER?! anyways, I love you soooo much!!! Please take care of yourself and stay healthy! <3 - army anon

I apologise for any anxiety I caused *hugs* heh ^^ I love you too and and I hope you’re doing well - please take care of yourself too! Thank you very much for reading the update Army anon ^^

Anonymous said: I almost cried while reading chapter 24 of "I won't Stop You", I can almost feel the regret, sorrow and pain in Taehyung eyes, he still love his brother regardless of what, and little did he expect that his brother took him for granted, and that's the most painful thing one can experience, especially when the one is your brother, and I dread seeing how will Jungkook react when he found out omg I CANNOT!!

Yes - it’s hard when your family does shitty things because on one hand you love them, but on the other they are possibly bad people (in this case, definitely) lol ^^ Thank you so much for reading it love!

Anonymous said: S A R A WHY WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT SARA WHY 😭😭😭😭😭 as soon as Tae said come outside I knew something was wrong I KNEW IT god I'm gonna cry poor bby Jimin poor everyone POOR ME I can't!!!!!! Why do you do this to my heart

Because I’m evil ~ sorta :3 hehe thank you so much for reading it!

@wanda-rog said: You can't end a chapter like that and then make us wait a whole week to see what happens! You're so evil T-T I want to see Jungkook raise hell now!  It's going to be the longest week in history

I can and I did *evil laugh* hopefully he will raise hell for you! thank you so much for reading the chapter lovely ^^

@mysr3 said: Sara I have funny thing to tell u! How coincidence that u wrote about Forbidden West Wing and the impressive Library of Beauty and the Beast in IWSY today and I happened to see the movie today! When the west wing was mentioned I was thinking about Y/N and her JoKe lol Then the Library scene I was like huh Y/N enjoyed Jungkook 's just like Belle does in hErE! it's such funny coincidence! 😝The movie was ready GooD! If u have not watched I recommend it! 👏

Yes, I haven’t seen the live-action movie of Beauty and the beast yet but I hope to because I love Emma Watson a lot! Thank you for thinking of me when you saw it my darling :3

@min-ty said: IM SO SHOOK ON CHAPTER 24 OF IWSY IM JUSY ALSJDJSISJDMDJLXKSNS I CAN'T. Your writing was so good in this chapter. Not that your writing isn't always amazing (it is) but I really took notice on it! I know writing fanfiction isn't easy, so to write a chapter of something every week and have nothing be filler or bad quality is so amazing! Have a good day/night!

I’m always trying not to make episodes feel filler-y! I thought that perhaps at the start of this chapter, it felt that way. But it slowly built up to the ending which turned it into a normal storyline! Trust me - many years of watching Naruto + Naruto Shippuuden made me HATE fillers with a passion lolol but they can of course be needed for a storyline to be complete! Thank you so much for reading the chapter love and I hpe you also have a wonderful day ^^

Anonymous said: Oh my god!!! IWSY is killing me I wish you could update 10 chapters a day!!! but oh well, as a university student myself, I can totally understand the demands of school work... am thankful to even have a chapter a week to read HEHE. please tell me Prince jungkook comes to the rescue!! and jiminnie and taehyung please be safe too!! super excited for the next chapter ㅠㅠ

LOL oh my goodness I would definitely write myself into an early grave if I did that :3 I hope Prince Jungkook can come to the rescue for you! :3 thank you so much for reading it love and I hope you’ll enjoy the next chapter too!!

Anonymous said: Hi! Just wanted to say your fics are really amazing! :D I literally just joined Tumblr earlier this month for the fun of it but after miraculously stumbling upon your blog and reading IWSY, I felt like giving a try on writing fics as well (though there are so many of them around already omg). Can't wait for your new chapter on IWSY!

Thank you so much my love! I’m so happy you stumbled upon my tumblr and IWSY ^^ And yes you should definitely try writing ff! It’s so fun and it feels nice to put your work out there for people to enjoy and read too :D I hope you have an awesome day dear ^^

Anonymous said: SARAAAA! Why do you have to do this to my poor heart?!! Can I make tuesday, everyday?.😭😭😭 You're really an amazing writer! I love you!.😭🤧❤️

Anonnnn! I’m sorry for any damage to your poor heart :c Thank you os much for liking IWSY, I’m so glad you enjoy it and I love you too!

Anonymous said: FUCKING HELLNSJSJSJSJSK OH MY FUCKING GOD OH MY FUCKING FLYING FUCK IN THEUFKXINDJSJSJ WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT I MEAN OK inhlae exhale 348x LIKE HOLY SHIT that endingsjdjdjdjjd

*holds you* it’s okay...shhhhh...it’s okay my love

Anonymous said: its my thesis defense tomorrow, im kind of nervous but after reading the new chapter of iwsy my anxiety went away BUT IM LIKE MKAKSK THAT LAST LINE WHY TF DO I THINK YOONGI LIKES Y/N HOLY SHIT HE WANTS  HER OOOHH WAIT BUT HES EVIL RIGHT... BUT LIKE WHY HE CALLED HER "MY DOMITOR" BITCH TF JDJDJXJ HOW ABT JK SHIT THEY GONA HAVE A FIGHT IM FUCING HERE FOR THIS IM FUCKING PISSINGIN EED TIME TO RECOVER FROM THISNKSK

Good luck for your thesis defence my love I’m sure you’ll do great! I’m so happy that my story could make you feel a little at ease :3 LOL OH MY GOD *dies laughing* I guess you’ll need to wait and see what happens dear! :3 thank you so so much for reading ^^

@jauntyjin said: YOUR STORY IS STRESSING ME OUT IM LOWKEY MAD AT TAE BUT I UNDERSTAND BC JIMIN WAS IN DANGER OH GOD JUNGKOOK IS GOING TO GO MENTAL IM COUNTING ON MUGSY TO FILL JUNGKOOK IN

NO STRESS PLS ENJOY~~~ lol I HOPE ALL YOUR WISHES COME TRUE!

@jungkookbangtaned said: SARA TELL YOONGI I'M GONNA PUNCH HIM BECAUSE SYCRGIZEWHAO HE USED TAE AND JIMIN TO GET TO ME AND SO I'M GONNA PUNCH HIM.  Amazing as always, and I really can't wait to read how Jungkook is gonna react... poor baby😓 love you💕

I’LL TELL HIM BBY DON’T WORRY ;) Agh thank you so much for reading the newest part love ^^ I hope you’re having a great day and I love you too ^^

@cynicalspacehoe said: DAMMIT I KNEW IT! THATS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU LEAVE ME ALONE FOR A WHOLE DAY JUNGKOOK, I GET KIDNAPPED

JUNGKOOK CAN’T LEAVE YOU NOWHERE! hehe~

Anonymous said: Whoop whoop I hope I am not too late for the answer post 🐇 Huuuuuum Tae just why ??? I cant judge u tho u had probably no other choice but still baby dont scare us like that 😩 --wifey anon

Yes you’re not too late! I usually post the answer post any time after 9:30pm on a Wednesday but sometimes I hold off in case I get more asks ^^ I don’t wanna clog up peoples feeds but at the same time I wanna answer everyone lol! Poor Tae :) he had no choice, he loves Jimin so much :( Thank you so much for reading my love!

@trashyxpotato said: Hello~ I just wanted to say that your Jungkook fanfic "I Won't Stop You" is amazing! I've been reading it for a few days and... I really love it! I really laughed at some parts. :') I love the story and everything! It became one of my favs~ ^_^

Hi there! thank you so much for finding and reading IWSY and I’m really happy that you’re enjoying it! I’m glad you said that it’s one of your favs, thank you very much once again love ^^

[helly-watermelonsmellinfellon]

Sherlock “The Final Problem” Observations

1.

Jim Moriarty has to be the smoothest motherfucker in the fictional world. He just does it so well! It takes a certain amount of class to be like that, and yet Andrew really pulls it off. I’ve admittedly missed him.

He was fun.

Jim could somehow get it on with a peach and it would seem perfectly normal and even expected thanks to Andrew’s impeccable acting.

2.

Mycroft is sitting alone in the dark, watching an old film and giggling like a damn dork as he mouths the words like he’s some fucking genius. So damn proud of himself.

And then that tiny smile when he sees the old video of his family from years back. As if he’s shocked to see it and shocked to be moved by it.

And then ‘I’m Back’ has to fuck it up. Just when the Ice Man was getting the #FEELS someone has to ruin it! I was so ready to squeal!

Though the joke itself was kind of funny it thankfully got rid of that shitty ass, poor-foreplay-filled film he was watching. Good Christ that was painful.

And then Mycroft literally goes and proves me RIGHT! For years I have lived with the belief that there was a weapon of some sort in that umbrella and I feel so very fucking brilliant! Why else would he carry it around ALL the time?

Mycroft lives in this big ass house that is literally decorated out the ass with unnecessary shit. That’s gotta be effin lonely, good Lord. The open space, the vacancy. It’s kind of sad to see how lonely the British Government is without him even realizing it.

John and Sherlock are dicks. All is right in their world.

For now.

3.

Bill ‘The Wig’ Wiggins gets another mention!

Though seriously, wtf is with the fandom in forgetting who he is? Like, how many posts labeled him as some ‘nameless junkie’ in “The Lying Detective”?

He may be a drug addict, but he’s a brilliant Chemist that even Sherlock takes seriously. Give the guy a break. Doing drugs or alcohol doesn’t make you any less of a person. They just make you a person who might need some help and self control.

4.

Mycroft: This is a private matter.

John: *moves to get up*

Sherlock: John stays.

Mycroft: This is family.

Sherlock: THAT’S WHY HE STAYS!

John: *tiny half smile at his notepad*

This part was really touching because it’s Sherlock showing an insistence that John is important to him and that of all the people he wants with him while he’s learning such intense things about himself, he wants John to be there.

No offense, but choosing your friend over your blood relations is a very important action.

Sherlock’s icy indifference had been chipped away by John a little at a time, until he feels comfortable enough to admit in front of his brother, who thinks that ‘caring is not an advantage’, that he thinks of his best friend as family first and foremost.

That sociopathic exterior just slowly gets further and further away.

5.

Mycroft is 7 years older than Sherlock. Sherlock is one year older than Eurus. Sherls was the middle child. It literally explains so much. Being the middle child sucks.

6.

Mrs Hudson rocking away to heavy metal while hoovering is probably the coolest thing. The Aston Martin was awesome, but her musical taste is wow. I love her and I want her as an honorary Nana.

7.

John: Oscar Wilde.

Mycroft: What?

John: He said, ‘the truth is rarely pure and never simple’. *breaths deeply* It’s... The Importance of Being Earnest. We did it in school.

Mycroft: So did we, now I recall. I was Lady Bracknell.

Sherlock: Yeah. You were great.

Mycroft: You really think so?

Sherlock: Yes, I really do.

Mycroft: That’s good to know. I’ve always wondered.

Sherlock: *looks down* *whispers* Good luck, boys.

God, the suspense killed me. And I swear that little brotherly exchange was sad.

8.

Eurus knew Bach from a second of sound. That’s awesome. I play games like that to test my musical knowledge and am nowhere near as good. She’s like a bloody computer.

9.

The whole glass bit was pretty interesting. It’s an optical illusion catered to one specific direction. If he were to come at her from a different angle, he would have noticed the odd cut in the signs.

You see what you expect to see. Why would a major facility not have a dangerous person behind a glass wall?

He wasn’t observing.

10.

John being the one to notice whose voice was on the recording is great. Mycroft, Mr. Genius couldn’t even tell.

I like it when John is given a chance to prove that he too can pay attention. That he can observe like Mycroft and Sherlock. Of course it lands them in deep shit, but it’s still nice all the same.

John isn’t some rug to be walked on and he’s not just a sidekick.

11.

Jim is ‘relatable’. And to be frank he really is which is so not fair!

“The Hungry Donkey” is a fanfic I would love to read. Sorry, but Jim had a point. Putting a baby in a manger is literally asking for trouble.

12.

Sherlock asking John how he is when he wakes up is really sweet. Like, he’s considerate of John’s health so much and my feels...

Also, he teases John a lot. Teasing!

13.

Sherlock was moving on to calm the little girl down. He was trying to reassure her with praise for following instructions.

Watching his growth as a character is honestly so special and I love the obvious changes from season one.

14.

Mycroft being terrified to kill someone is probably the most humane thing I’ve seen from him. Like, he honestly lost his cool then and was unable to differentiate between the situations. And I think it shows more depth to his character and how he views the ‘world of goldfish’ truly.

If Mycroft was as detached and emotionless as he wants everyone to believe, then he wouldn’t show such feelings, especially in front of others.

Hiding his face in his hand and leaning against the wall so he doesn’t have to watch. Despite the power he controls and the danger he has probably had to become familiar with, he couldn’t handle it.

The erratic breathing and mild panic attack setting in.

Retching against the wall.

Mycroft has gone through a little character growth of his own. And while traumatic for him, I think it was necessary.

15.

“Today we are soldiers, Mycroft. Soldiers. And that means to hell with what happens to us!”-John Watson

In all honesty, the military is not a place for fun and games. While they glam it up with words like ‘serving your country’ or ‘helping the cause’, you are basically putting yourself in danger on a constant basis. You are working for a cause that you might not even know everything about, but you are going to give it your all because in the military, the good of the many outweigh the needs of the few.

Because you might one day have to throw yourself in the line of fire or throw yourself on a bomb to save your comrades. Military is not about you. You agree to shed who you are to make yourself a tool to be used for the ‘safety’ of your cause.

That is what it means to be a soldier. John is a soldier, and he realizes what is happening. And he knows that now is not the time for games and competitions. It’s about the good of the many being more important than the need of the few,

And it’s a lesson that Mycroft needs.

John has had at least one chance in each season to put Mycroft in his place and I like that this time wasn’t for the sake of a joke and one-upping him.

Mycroft needs to understand that not everything is a contest and being the ‘best’ isn’t always the best thing.

16.

The name of the person who was supposed to get the coffin, was on the lid. Mycroft has some sass in him somewhere. 

17.

Molly’s kitchens is a chef’s wet dream. I swear to God, I want everything in it. Everything I can and cannot see. Who would have thought that such a secluded woman would have such a state of the art kitchen?

But if she has this bomb ass kitchen, then she must be a cook of some sort. Why else would she need a house/flat with such a detailed room if she was practically incapable of cooking anything and wouldn’t need it?

So I headcanon that Molly is basically a great cook and likes to make morgue jokes to her food while she cooks it.

Her jumper was hideous though. We can’t have everything it seems.

It also sucks that Molly got dragged into it. Again. Like, can’t the girl have some damn peace and quiet in her life? Can’t she just relax?

And it’s incredibly sad because she was basically friend zoned before she had to confess her feelings for a man that won’t return them the way she wants.

Though she made him realize how incredibly hard it is to admit your feelings. Even if he doesn’t love her, he struggled to say those words. After he literally threw them about a moment prior, many times, he could not do it when put on the spot because she was his friend and he knew his insincerity would hurt her.

18.

To put ‘I Love You’ on a coffin is a bit macabre, isn’t it? It’s basically implying that the Love was dead before it truly began.

And that’s sad.

Especially when Sherlock began to emotionally trash the shit out of it because he was just that wrung out.

19.

“Brother mine.”

I am not well right now. He cares a lot. And I care a lot. And we all care too much. He tried to anger Sherlock in order to have Sherlock shoot him. He wanted his little brother to be able to keep his best friend this time, and that hurts.

And Sherlock shaking and being so sad and unable to do it. He cares too.

My #FEELS

Sherlock turning the gun on himself because he doesn’t want to shoot his big brother or his best friend.

RIP Melli.

20.

The trauma of having to realize that your childhood friend was killed by your own sister, is one thing.

But we as an audience now understand more about Sherlock. He re-wrote his own story because he didn’t like it. He couldn’t handle it. He didn’t want to. A common thing in those with PTSD.

Sherlock’s actions from then on were a reflection of his new attitude. His character in A Study In Pink makes more sense now.

And it’s probably the saddest thing to realize for him.

21.

Greg calling Sherlock a ‘good man’ is a nice way to come full circle from episode one of season one.

He called him Greg!

Sometimes I wondered if Sherlock actually knew his name but said wrong ones to annoy him. It’s a very Sherlock thing to do.

22.

“It is what it is.”

23.

Mummy Holmes looks to Sherlock and asks him for help. “You were always the grown up.”

Probably the best moment in Sherlock’s life. Like he’s somehow managed to be the more mature between he and Mycroft, in his parents’ eyes. More responsible. Level-headed. Which is ironic considering what happened in this episode.

24.

Sherlock and Eurus performing a duet.

Now, this is a bit strange for me to like especially after the emotional trauma she put them all through throughout the episode, but when I see Eurus, I don’t see a copy of Mycroft or Sherlock.

Sherlock was once a ‘machine’. If anything. Eurus is the machine, constantly working through variables in an effort to understand.

Sherlock’s emotions are what make him a great detective. Eurus has a great mind, but her lack of understanding for emotions are her downfall in a way. She’s not good with them, much like Mycroft, and so she remains to be like a computer.

A computer that needs heavy rewiring. And a de-bugging.

She is not well. She will not have a normal life.

“Genius needs an audience,” as Sherlock once said. She had no audience. She had no friends. She had nothing. No one. She was her own friend. And it didn’t do her any good.

On top of that, I’m not certain her situation was handled properly. It doesn’t seem like the best was done for her, and while I get limited options at the time, couldn’t they have done better as technology and the area of medicine progressed?

Sherlock playing a duet with her doesn’t mean he forgives her. Maybe he’s accepted what she’s done, and can understand her point of view now. Maybe he knows how unwell she truly is, and he pities her.

Or he’s genuinely interested in the sister who was pretty much gone from his life for at least 30 years.

The Holmes parents wanted to be in contact with her despite everything she’d done. What’s so off about Sherlock being curious? His entire memory was rearranged because of it. He has a right to be curious.

25.

MISS YOU

“Who you really are doesn’t matter.”

A lot of people have emotionally taken this phrase out of context. And I could honestly gripe about how pathetic it is, but my comment just now kind of explains my thoughts of almost everyone else’s thoughts, so I’ll continue on.

As always, people take only one part, instead of the whole.

“I know who you really are. A junkie who solves crimes to get high, and the soldier who never came back from the war.”

Mary lays it on them. The facts of who they are. Sherlock is an addict and he substitutes cocaine, for crime solving to keep his mind afloat and of use. Otherwise he’d been higher than a kite and eating chips all the time.

John was unable to transition into the life of a civilian. Much like other soldiers never truly do. You can take the soldier out of the war, but you cannot take the war out of the soldier, and this is a textbook case of it.

She broke them down past their titles and what everyone knows them as, to their basics. Who they really are.

And being a junkie isn’t considered cool. Having an addiction to adrenaline isn’t considered cool. Most would look down on such things if they knew the truth about Sherlock and John and their inner struggles and problems. They’d been deemed unstable. Awkward. Dangerous probably.

Two men who live together actively seeking danger and possibly life threatening circumstances constantly, in order to fulfill some kind of addiction they each have.

But Mary goes on to tell them that it doesn’t matter.

I have said many times that doing drugs or alcohol doesn’t make you a bad person. And a lot of people would look down on them for the truth of who they are, but Mary tells them it doesn’t matter. She knows them and who they can become. She understands both of them in ways that other people can’t.

It shouldn’t matter if someone is a junkie or if they suffer PTSD. It shouldn’t be their defining characteristic. We are more than our choices. Sherlock and John are more than their choices.

And to get all angry over something that simple is immature and as I previously stated, pathetic.

26.

John spraying the new smiley face on the wall.

I lowkey thought he and Mrs Hudson were annoyed by it, but he literally re-sprays it on the new wallpaper!

Sherlock shoots the wall again to be sure.

He then stabs the mantel, much to poor Mrs Hudson’s vexation.

27.

Sherlock and John living in 221B and raising Rosie together. And John smiling up at Sherlock. Yes. Seeing Sherlock going from trying to reason with a baby on how to keep a rattle, to bouncing her in his arms while he smiles, is great.

It’s a moment that I’ve wanted for years.

28.

Finally, my opinion of the Sherlock fandom has gone down since this season started. I never once had a problem until people started attacking me for liking the episodes. People literally mocking me for not believing that John cheated on his wife. And then turning around a week later claiming they didn’t believe it either. I had those blogs marked down and when I checked on them after “The Lying Detective” aired, I blocked every one of their lying asses.

Sherlock is a great show. A show about Sherlock Holmes primarily. Hence why the show is named after him. We see him in the beginning. We see him in the end. It’s his journey. His adventure.

In the last episode of season 4, Sherlock asked John if he was okay, several times. He wasn’t in any way concerned in A Study In Pink. He’s grown as a person by opening up with John.

I liked season 4. There was drama at every turn, little extra bits here and there that required another watch or 5, secrets and riddles that had to be solved. So many throwbacks to the books and former shows, like usual int he show.

I was happy with everything. As a GenderFluid Pansexual, I was not insulted. I didn’t ‘feel attacked’ by anything in Sherlock. I wasn’t phased in the least by anything. I don’t consider anything ‘queerbaiting’ or a ‘spit on the LGBTQ+ Community’. We got Irene for God’s sake! Sexy Lesbian Dominatrix who is smarter than Sherlock, more cunning than Mycroft, and assured in her own sexuality and self. And she wasn’t killed off.

There’s this strange western concept that sex and kissing proves that two people love each other. Romance doesn’t not depend on gender. So unless you’re telling me you’re in love with someone’s genitals, cut the shit.

I don’t need them to kiss. I need them together, happy, doing what both of them love, looking out for each other, and being the pillar the other needs. And if they were opposite genders, this would have immediately been considered canonical conformation of Joanlock. But it’s like it’s only canon if the men kiss for everyone to see.

A kiss doesn’t mean you love someone. Moving to shoot yourself so you don’t have to choose between who to shoot, is a bigger declaration of love.

The words ‘I love you’ are bandied about constantly. They have no meaning in my book. I look to actions to show me how someone feels. So telling someone you love them is easy(if you’re not Molly). But offering to give your life for them isn’t easy.

I take that to be important. I take the emotional support between them as my confirmation.

And if the majority of the fandom wants to throw a fit and continue to be depressed, then do so. But don’t count me in on it.

I’m restricting my contact to the fandom on Tumblr. Shockingly, Tumblr ended up being the cesspool of hate from the Sherlock fandom, out of all the possible sites to cause drama.

So many fandoms are disgusted by BBC Sherlock right now. So many people glad to have not been dragged in ever, as they witness people being attacked in just the past day alone. Their feeds and dashboards filled with blatant harassment between bloggers who can’t grow up.

It’s gotten ridiculous and I don’t want to be a part of it when there are so few people left who actually use their brains.

The Sherlock Fandom has become just like the Twilight Fandom. Congrats. You’ve put me off to fandom happenings and ensured many don’t want to get to know the show we supposedly love so much. And you confirmed the beliefs of a lot of others, over the ‘pretentious assholes’ that make up the Sherlock fandom.

[ecotone99]

[FN] Man in a Box - LUDIMΔGIK

I guess I'm as good a place to start as any. When I say "I" I don't mean the guy who was just speaking to you in the Introduction. I'm Chance, King of Queens. Is my name really Chance? Yes, but I’m not a rapper. Am I really a king? Yes, of the Queens of Kings. I don't want to tell you my real name. Where I’m from, everyone knows me as Chance. And by everyone I mean by you. Not "you," you but yeah, well, you. You from another time and dimension. You in another time and dimension know me—in another time and dimension. BUT before you roll your eyes and return to Facebook or Twitter, or, I don't know, TMZ? (Do people still use Gawker at this point? I'm still getting acclimated.), I know what I said sounds crazy. I know. And, while I do acknowledge that this might put this little story in the "fantasy" genre of your mind, I do encourage you to bear with me, because— because—actually, screw it! Ha! I can see already that most of you barely made it through the last guy's ramblings. Now this?! Well I'll have you know that I did not exactly ask to be in this position either, but here we are, with me in your hands! If you want to close me like a window, then do it! I was already out the door anyhow! But if you close that window, and I close that door, with me on the other side of it, we could be trapped! As I don't think we'll make much use of that hole in the wall, like with Pyramus and Thisbe, one of us would ruin this love affair!

Excuse me. I—I lost myself for a moment there. I think it knew I was talking to you. Whatever “it” is. That seems to be happening, ever since I got here. For one, I don’t mix metaphors. Often. And who the heck is Primus von Frisbee?

I’ll be honest. It’s exhausting. Did it work on you? The reverse psychology? The scare tactic? It got me before. You could stop, you know. You could stop reading. Possibly it’ll be too much. Possibly it’ll be too confusing. I can’t though. I’m stuck here. There’s no turning back. Is the desperation evident? I. am. thirsty. Burning up. You see, I'm really not used to this. Where I'm from, I'm a star. Like, I don't know. I can't say who I'm like because I'm just me. It'd be like if George Clooney suddenly said, "Who am I? I'm like Bradley Cooper." We'd all be like, "Um, what are you talking about, George Clooney? Are you okay? You're both very essential, incredibly sexy, talented m—theatre par excellence—you—" okay maybe this isn't the best example. But you get it. You got it, right? Ugh. It'd be like if Meryl Streep said, "I'm like Leo Messi!" (Though, come to think, she probably could play Leo in a movie on or on the field, the woman can do anything. Good point. Well, a point. Okay, focus! Me, Chance. I'm like...who am I like?) So I guess, in a way, where I’m from I'm like Andy Warhol, but more awkward? Or maybe more like a not-so-genius Leonardo da Vinci? Without the impeccable charisma, smoking body and that whole Renaissance-man quality that he was known for. Wow! Really not selling this well here. I’m like—I’m like an innovative Norman effing Rockwell, okay! Just—kind of commenting on and changing the times through painting, you know? I’m me! Just me. Imagine you, famous, and you’ll more or less get me. Does that make sense? Yes? No? Anyone?

Gah! It's so hard! You see, how can I explain to you that you already like me? Most of you, anyway. How can I explain that others before you, your ancestors, already have? (Some, not so much.) I guess I really can't, can I? I'll just have to show you. I'll just have to tell you about what happened in my dimension. How it's differed from yours.

In my dimension, the tension…the tension is very different. Kind of funny but, in my dimension Twitter banned Donald Trump from using the site during the middle of his presidential campaign (for obvious reasons) and he lost. But not because of being banned from Twitter. He wasn’t even a contender. I’m not going to go into all the details now, but the history of the USA during the last twenty years has been immensely different, because in the year 2000 of my dimension George W. Bush suffered a serious heart attack on Election Day and did not move to halt the recounting of Florida’s votes in the Supreme Court, which ultimately secured Al Gore the electoral college votes needed for victory.

For the past several years we’ve been turning methane released from livestock into renewable energy. Which sounds like some wacky Willy Wonka nonsense, I know, but US scientists collaborated with researchers in Argentina who had already developed a similar technology on a smaller scale, and together they made a device capable of extracting the gas out of the atmosphere. The federal government actually incentivized farmers to use the technology to make money. And there’s a lot of new building going on, even skyscrapers covered in plants. Companies also extracting carbon from the atmosphere. Landfills which double as power plants but are treated so they don’t release toxic chemicals…that triple as city attractions and tourist destinations. All of that is barely happening here, if at all. It’s kind of surreal to witness your world; it’s almost the opposite of mine. Partly due to Gore convincing one conservative billionaire (whom I’ll not name) that the future could and should be green, and that the moment was the optimal time to invest. Of course, it was the story of it that made any difference. The headline was enough to freeze the country’s broken, partisaned ice and allow politicians and private interest to skate to greener pastures, or whatever. I should add, by the way, that I’m not even some big environmentalist nerd. I mean, I care! I’m just telling you how it’s different in my place and time.

Regarding the small stuff, I really don't need to spend paragraphs describing it. Celebrity gossip is all kind of the same, isn’t it? You’re probably more curious as to how I got here, from another dimension. Or why? Lean close to the screen, let me tell you a secret. (I’m not doing that.) The secret is: I have no effin’ idea! Like, did I die? I passed out one night and I woke up in another version of me. How would you feel if you woke up in your body, but it wasn’t yours, and you couldn’t even talk or control it? You just sit there and watch this…buffoon of yourself go about all day mucking just about everything up. Barely getting a word in. I feel like I’m stuck inside a copy of myself here, is what I’m saying, a version of me in serious need of an upgrade. I feel like I’m on layaway. I’m half-convinced I’m dreaming. I’m struggling more than a bit, truth be told. You can probably tell, I don’t have a lot of answers. Really, very few. I’m kind of just rolling with it? Low-key losing my mind a bit but in a really controlled way. Maybe I just have to do something here, then I can go. Complete some task. I don’t know. What I do know is that one tiny BIG difference between your dimension and mine is me. Why does that matter? I think part of what's brought me here is the same thing that brought you to where you are now, that which brings us such joy yet so often gets in our way of passions pursued and unrealized alike. Any guesses as to what it is? I'll give you two hints. It doesn't grow on trees and it makes the world go round.

You guessed it! Love! You can't buy it, ya know. (Oh, and the money was a bit of a problem, too.) You see, in your dimension, a battle never occurred. A king was taken prisoner, in a sense, before it could. The me who used to inhabit this body solely, before I arrived. I guess I should give him a name, shouldn't I? To make this easier. We'll call the pre-Me me "Alex." Yeah. I like that. Alexander! It sounds honorable enough. Alex, he was a good guy. Is, I should say. I mean he's not gone. I’m Alex. I’m Alex from another dimension, one in which he had a lot less problems and did a lot more painting. He’s here. I, Chance, am an altogether different Alex, an Alex he could have been if he had gotten the...well, hopefully you're starting to get it. I don't know what to tell ya. Go back and reread, or I don't know, ask a friend. As for Alex, that cruel, blind love struck him at his core, just once in his life (his faulty tortoise shell never was very thick). Boy, did it mess with his brain. By the time it was finished with him, he was writhing on unable to get on his feet again and finish the race.

Because of love, because of a card in the deck remained blank. A king card was missing, never entered a battle. It was reshuffled, reshuffled, from one relationship to the next, one job to the next, one drink to the next. One joint, one cigarette. Then reshuffled some more. And yea I feel I should make it clear that when I say shuffle I mean drink, drink...drunk. Alex’s dream of being a novelist

Unfortunately, for Alex—let's see. How can I phrase this with self-compassion? We're a mixed bag. The roller-coaster ride was fun before it coasted right off the tracks. Or maybe it was that at a certain point Alex "forgot" to pull the safety bar down tight enough. And maybe the ride safety inspector was careless, carefully so. In the realm of looks, let's just say we’re kind of handsome and kind of ugly. In the realm of personality, a real fly guy and hella awkward. Brains? Smart enough to be writing this and dumb enough to be writing this. (And don't forget the dose of crazy!) What else? Virtue? Check +! In the realm of physical prowess? We’re the crouching tiger and the hidden dragon, caged at the zoo. We’re part beauty, part beast. Finally found, but so lost here. Y'all, there's giant wave about to lurch out of this great big length of ocean, and we’re just as liable to get carried away with it as you are. How do you see us, though? That strange, magical interplay between your mind, body and soul: how does it reflect us back to you?

Maybe if I let Alex explain it will help. OH. But first there's an important detail I'm leaving out. These "dream battles"—Rounds—in our story affect the real world in real ways, all too real. You know how you go to sleep and dream about the events and people of the past? Maybe about your problems, worries, sexual repressions...the subconscious is a jungle and the machete that is your conscious allows very limited access to it, for most of us. It's different with the Players in our story. Whereas most of us dream with little control over our actions in them, the outcome of their dreams, which they navigate with lucidity, can affect our culture, our politics, our every day to day. Success for these stars in the Ludimagik realm translates to success in the real world.

But Alex? Poor Alex. He never stood a chance. It’s almost as if the Universe said, what an infant, he’ll never grow up, and so it set about making him cry. Of course, he didn’t exactly make anything easier on himself, either. Let me ask you: How often do you remember your dreams if you get hammered, if that's an occurrence for you at all? Much less know that you're dreaming and control the dream? How much do you think your brain is developing, as it does throughout our twenties, when it's constantly being drenched in booze and beer? We're here to tell you: not as much as if you're living right, not by a long shot. For the longest time he had no clue that he could dream with any lucidity. And he’s still doesn’t have the full picture.

See, without saying too much yet, what I can tell you is that a good deal of people know a lot more about Alex than he does. They have been trying to orchestrate his fate, manipulating him into playing their games. Exploit what he doesn’t know. Or maybe they think he’s a bad guy. I don’t know. It’s pretty messed up when you think about all he’s been through. But hey—power corrupts! Someone’s got to have it.

In his defense, had the “demon” of alcoholism not gotten to him, things would be different. I’m proof of that. It’s hard to fight something you can’t see. The point is that drinking, getting drunk, every day, for years, up until the point when he nearly died, afforded him no second thoughts about dreaming. He’s getting there, though. Soon, he’ll play Ludimagik. Soon, he’ll be just aware, as soon you will be, of what he is capable of building, of creating.

Shall we meet Alex? Just be warned: he’s a little—what’s that word we heard the other day?—”extra.” But that’s just me. Here, decide for yourself.

Continue reading here.

See the previous section, the Introduction, here.

Please share and subscribe if you enjoy. Thanks for reading.

submitted by /u/nick_boatwright [link] [comments] via Blogger https://ift.tt/2QOZbvu

[conflictandscotchblog]

Big Girl Pants

Two tests down (for those new to this blog, you may want to catch up by reading previous posts…thanks). So far, so good. I have one more test next week which is important. “Tressel” (see prior posts) wants to make sure the oven is rock solid after the miscarriage before we try to conceive again. After all, he is basically paying for this (please see “The Opposite” post), so I will say how high when this generous doctor says jump. If everything looks great, and I get the all clear, the shots (gulp) begin.

 I remember when the progesterone a/k/a ginormous shots began last time, I had that date marked on my calendar. It was like a date with doom. At least now I know to ice for 20+ minutes before my husband gets to harpoon me. Still hurts, but nothing like taking it straight. In the words of my husband, “that is one big effin’ needle.” We have a routine for the shots though. I ice for 20+ minutes at 5:00 a.m. every day (yes, even on weekends…I consider it lack of sleep training for an infant) as I take care of the pets. I go to the edge of the counter and rest my head on an upper cabinet. I actually count the lines in the oak and say to myself every time silently, “If P could go through what he went through, I can do this.” [Side note: P is the nine (9) year old son of one of my bosses]. He was diagnosed with neuroblastoma stage 4 cancer at the age of 3. He died this year on his 9th birthday and, from the limited time I saw him, he was always so smiley and happy.  However, for six (6) years, he went to doctors, hospitals and research trials all over the United States...and all with big dimples shining. A nine (9) year old is my inspiration on this journey of being poked and prodded.

My husband gets the needle (which I cannot look at) and it is Groundhog Day every day. He says, “Ready? [stab]. No blood [pulling back on needle]. Okay [progesterone going in]. Sorry [needle coming out].” Both of us race to reach the gauze on the counter and the ice returns for a few more minutes.  Sounds delightful, yes? Doesn’t everyone want to start their day that way? :)

 One friend always says to me, “Junior better really appreciate what you all have been through once he gets here.” My thoughts on the shots have been: What do single people do that want to have a child? Never mind single parenting. That is difficult enough, but who gives them the shots every day if they are needed? My husband always said if he was not available to give me the shot, he is sure our elderly male neighbor would be happy to oblige. The thought of good ole Mr. L seeing my naked backside at the crack of dawn….no way. Seriously. What do single people do?

Again, I am not complaining, but rather trying to put a humorous spin on it. Maybe if I make it light or a bit witty, people will be less likely to clam up or cringe when anyone talks about infertility. I know I am not alone in the journey. Many other soldiers are out there doing exactly what we are doing. (I mean, do you really think Kelly Preston had a “surprise” baby at 50 years old? Maybe she did, but statistics are strongly against a natural surprise at that age. This theory will have further credence when 47 year old Countess LuAnn suddenly announces she is expecting.) This time, I expect to be on the ginormous shots even longer since it is insurance against miscarrying. I was on them for months last time. This time, I expect it to be even longer since I miscarried after the shots stopped. No big deal. I will suck it up. This is nothing compared to labor or what Patrick went through, so I better put on my big girl pants and dimply smile. I also just remembered our kitchen will again look like a medical lab for months, which is fine for my hoarder husband but bothers me. No hiding what we are doing from our dog sitter or anyone else that comes in our house for that matter. Definitely no one over for dinner. “Welcome! Come right in. Shove those needles, bottles, gauze, ice packs, pills and bio-hazard waste containers out of the way and dig in!”

 Right now, my current day battle for the first time in about 5 months is PMS. (Hey, I said I would be fairly open about this journey.) I think I ate everything that was not nailed down yesterday. If there is suddenly a worldwide shortage on sugar and salt, I can guarantee it is due to my intake yesterday. I certainly did not miss the “monthly beast” as I call it. My PMS is a bit different. I get very hungry, extremely klutzy (like when I fell down the stairs at a Cameron Mitchell restaurant in Ohio into the main dining room – which still makes me giggle although I was horrified at the time) and I irritate myself (as in, I want to chop all my hair off if my hair brushes my face one too many times). When I was pregnant (still so happy I even got to say I was pregnant one time – now excited to have a chance to say that again), food repulsed me. My husband would get very frustrated that I was not eating enough and/or that when I did want something, it changed minute to minute. One time, I ordered a baked potato. I salted it, and when I looked up, my husband’s mouth was hanging open. “I have never seen you salt anything in your life. Ever.” (I claim this was due to my low blood pressure and my body was craving salt).

 As I entered my second trimester, I was all about sweets and that is not normally like me.  Jessica Simpson had something when she said she craved pop tarts. I did too, minus the butter. I am on weight watchers and have been for years. My ob-gyn even said it was fine to be on it when pregnant. So, NO butter on the pop tarts (One pop tart is 6 points anyway). I read that if you crave sweets, it is a girl. I can certainly understand where girls are “sugar and spice and everything nice” originated. I felt it was a girl anyway (it was) and I have no idea why. I think I just knew my late mom was going to get very detailed payback for anything I ever put her through and give me a Capricorn girl (my due date was near my birthday). I actually feared twin girls (my mom really loved to drive her points home). Okay, to be really honest, I feared triplet girls all because of what a psychic told me at a party thirteen (13) years ago:

 I met my soul mate but was not dating him yet.

 I would get engaged in 2010.

 I would marry (enter my husband’s initials).

 I would live in white house with a picket fence.

 I would have three babies.

 This “reading” was November of 1999. I met my husband, who actually has those initials, in May of 1999 but our first date was not until December 1999 (did I mention that he moves like the wind?). We got engaged in condo #2010 in 2003 (Imagine my horror in 1999 when she said I would get engaged in 2010. I remember thinking that is eleven years from now! Does this soul mate have a telephone number? I need to speed things up!). We actually DO live in a white house with a picket fence. The only part she missed was about the three babies. After all we have been through, until I got pregnant, I took that to mean dog, dog, cat. When I was expecting, I was a bit terrified it would unexpectedly be triplet girls. Don’t believe me about the psychic? It is true. With this psychic, you just sit and say nothing. It was a party favor. She knew nothing about me – not even my name. Makes me kind of wish I could recall her name now because my Toyota would be speeding in her direction. But alas, we are left with the unknown for now. One day at a time. It is a marathon (er…or two) for us, not a sprint. Right now, I just need to put on my big girl pants, survive my pms, go to my one last test and get ready for those shots.

 Thanks for reading, sharing and commenting. To my fellow soldiers fighting this secret battle, one day at a time. Anything more than that can be overwhelming.

 Until next time, as always, “socks” (for the newbies, that is xoxo according to my spell check). ;)

Photo by Daniel Frank on Unsplash

 Originally published: Monday, August 20, 2012

 Read More of KLC’s work, click here

[placetobenation]

I felt extremely personally attacked watching the Divas Division in 2014.

I checked out of regular WWE viewing for a while after WrestleMania XXX, so the last 12 months or so of television before the Women’s Revolution was pretty new to me as I watched it back. I had a general idea of what happened, but the key detail clearly slipped through the cracks because I had no effin’ clue that I missed out on months and months of BISEXUALMANIA~!

Seriously. Everyone is gay.

There was a LOT of queer shit going on in the women’s division in the latter half of 2014. So much so that I’m convinced that I’m only making about 57% of it up. (Usually I’m making 99% of it up and I accept this about myself, I am a big gay mess.) So here we go, BisexualMania. Strap on. In! Strap in. (Sorry.)

“It’s always summertime for me and my girl Lay…” – Summer Rae

It all started with Fandango. As is so often the case, our lesbian love story begins with a stupid man. Summer Rae had been his regular dancing partner and valet for a while, until ‘Dango the ol’ charmer dumped her via Twitter and started running around with Layla instead. Summer Rae, you can imagine, was not super OK with this.

Her and Layla fought over him, brawling constantly and throwing all kinds of shit at each other, until it all culminated in a grudge match on Smackdown, with Fandango serving as the special referee. Instead of letting them fight he used the match to dance with himself and hog the spotlight. So Layla and Summer Rae looked at him, looked at each other, and realised what so many women eventually do: this man is really not worth it.

So together they beat his ass out of the ring, and then they lock eyes. And stare. Summer dances, and Layla dances right back. Give and take, back and forth. Then Summer holds out her hand. And gives her The Look. A totally platonic, very heterosexual eyebrow waggle. Sparks fly. The temperature rises. The crowd stirs in anticipation. Layla licks her lips, smiles, and takes her hand. They twirl, they dip, they dance into each other’s arms.

Platonically, of course. Cole calls them “besties” before they can even stop making heart eyes at each other, so they’re just a couple of gal pals, sharing abundant eye contact and an intimate dance together after kicking a man to the curb.

Hetero as all get out.

And that’s how they remained. Summer Rae and Layla, or The Slayers as they called themselves (they even had their own ship name for God sakes!) became a regular tag team for the next few months. A tag team of two gal pals just gal palling around. The bestest of besties. Being super affectionate and dancing together, as besties do. The innuendo is subtle but consistent.

And I handle all of it really well.

Eventually Layla got injured, and I guess like so many couples they just couldn’t get the long distance thing to work, and quietly drifted apart. But for a hot minute it was a sweet subtextual romance.

Little did I know this was merely the appetizer before the main course of the BisexualMania menu: Lesbian Chicken.

“Whatever I can do to get my hands all over Paige, I will do. I’d prefer to get Paige on her back…” – AJ Lee

Paige made a memorable debut on Raw the night after WrestleMania XXX, beating record-breaking champion AJ Lee for the Divas Title. A few months later AJ returned the favor, making a surprise return to TV and defeating Paige in an impromptu title match. From there the story is that the two women become “frenemies” – in-ring rivals who also claim to be best friends – as they battle over the championship for the next few months.

The whole thing is actually Paige’s idea, at first. She’s trying to mess with AJ Lee’s head and gain a mental edge as she attempts to win the Divas Title back. She calls AJ her “frenemy” (but in a good way) and talks about how much she respects her and how close they are. As friends. The bestest of besties. Gal pals, even. They’re getting along to an almost nauseating degree. Pretty soon Paige starts skipping around and declaring her love to AJ.

Platonically, of course.

Just before SummerSlam, Paige snaps and throws AJ off the stage and then calmly goes, “I still love you, call me when you feel better!” The week after she writes AJ a love poem. This confusion gives Paige the mental advantage she wanted and she takes the title back at the PPV.

The problem for Paige is that she poked the crazy. This is AJ Lee we’re talking about. Professional Crazy Person. Paige opened the door, and AJ is about to skip on through it and show her how it’s really done.

Paige dedicated her first match as champion to AJ, so AJ came out and told Paige she dedicated her LIFE to her! This is full on, Crazy Eyes, ‘0-100mph in less than ten seconds’ AJ Lee. Paige freaks.

You can’t out-crazy crazy.

Paige awakened the beast and now some very queer things are starting to happen. AJ cuddles up to Paige, then maintains very direct eye contact as she kisses her on the… hand. She offers her Valentine’s Day chocolates in a heart shaped box. Then there’s even more eye contact when they both lean in and kiss… the title belt. They have a tag team match and Paige very deliberately and seductively wiggles her ass in AJ’s face on the apron.

I’m sure this is all starting to sound like fan fiction to you too, but I swear I’m not making any of this up. I mean my God, AJ Lee regularly does guest commentary on Smackdown during this time and there is legitimately more than one occasion when she fair dinkum misses her cue to speak because she’s too busy ogling Paige.

The things she says about Paige while she’s out there, by the way… I can’t repeat. It’s just too gay. But this is a full blown, four-alarm queerbaiting emergency now. They’re both flirting with each other as much as is humanly possible on a PG show just to see who blinks first. Lesbian Chicken. Once again, I handle all of this really, just, super well.

I should probably note for the record that when it came to Lesbian Chicken, Paige is the one who blinked, becoming increasingly rattled and replacing flirting with petulance when she couldn’t regain the title. You can’t out-crazy crazy, after all. Sadly all this was about as coherent as the angle ever got, besides the Lesbian Chicken it was a pretty big dumpster fire narratively speaking, but hey, welcome to 2014.

Besides, after a while you’ve had enough chicken. Luckily the rest of 2014 was serving up delicious helpings of BisexualMania dessert from everyone on the roster.

“I find it hard to focus on what you’re saying right now when I’m seeing Paige do *that* to Emma…” – Renee Young

The Bellas get involved in BiMania when Nikki challenges AJ at Survivor Series and when the bell rings, Brie grabs AJ and kisses her to distract her for the screwjob. Maybe Brie was just going for it after she dressed up as AJ during the build and instead of being offended AJ was kind of… impressed, saying Brie looked much better in her clothes than she did.

Paige ended up rebounding with Alicia Fox – platonically, of course – and they got a bit gal pally themselves, like when Paige would go on commentary and bang on about Foxy’s “smouldering eyes” and how she loved it when she screamed. She also kept the flirty affectations she picked up in the ring – like crawling slowly along AJ’s body before delivering headbutts – and used them on everyone going forward. In fact, Paige being too handsy in the ring became a minor Total Divas plot point when Paige licked Nattie’s face in the middle of a match without her consent.

Now, speaking of Total Divas.

And Nattie.

Season 3 was in full swing during the fall of 2014, and one of the highlights was Rosa Mendes being a big bisexual mess flirting with everyone in sight. And by everyone, I mean… Nattie. At the same time, they started pairing them on WWE TV with a veteran/rookie gimmick, and when Rosa valets Nattie let’s just say that she’s… very supportive. Shoulder massages are involved. I swear to God there’s even a moment after a match where Rosa is holding onto her unnecessarily and Nattie has to politely peel Rosa’s hands off of her bare skin.

Once again, I am not making this up. Once again, I handle it well. And I’m not saying this was gay, per se, it’s just that… OK yes this was super gay. Everyone is gay.

Back on Total Divas, there’s no rest for the queer when some marital troubles develop between Nattie and TJ, as they often do on that show. Nattie is feeling neglected and lonely and Rosa Freakin’ Mendes takes it upon herself to shoot her damn shot and kisses Nattie in the middle of the club. It all gets resolved before the credits roll but my God in heaven, for a second there Rosa legit worked herself into a shoot here over BisexualMania.

Ev-er-y-one. Is. Gay.

OK. Let’s just breathe for a minute. I swear I’m actually going somewhere with all this.

One of the main goals of me writing this series is to look beyond the objectification of these women and view them as wrestlers. And yet here I am giggling away like a schoolgirl at everyone getting it on. I know, right?

For some reason this stuff feels different to the standard sexual exploitation of the Divas we’re used to. And not just because it’s gay – they’ve done their fare share of lesbianing before: HLA, Torrie and Dawn Marie, Trish and Mickie – and it was always very sexualised. Always produced by the male gaze, for the male gaze.

The stuff with AJ and Paige didn’t feel quite like that. It was more… subtle. More cerebral. I’m infinitely curious to know how much input AJ and Paige had into the things they were doing, because it felt a lot more, dare I say, female driven.

I think it’s partly a result of the company moving into PG, sponsor-proof programming and avoiding overt sexualisation, but I think it’s also partly a result of the wrestling world and pop culture changing as well. Wrestling itself has been slowly moving away from being a blue collar, blokey pastime to becoming much more a part of nerd culture. One of the hallmarks of modern fandom is the relationship between entertainment and the queer community, incorporating maintext representation, subtextual innuendo and queerbaiting, and the endless shipping and creation of fanart and fanfiction. (Wrestling is no different – Google “The Shield” and “fanfiction” if you don’t believe me. Also, Google any of these things if you don’t know what I’m talking about.)

As wrestling, and WWE, slowly becomes more diverse, and more inclusive, and more ensconced in internet fandom culture, there should also be more room for these kinds of ideas and stories and characters to develop. It’s not just about diversity either, it’s really in all of our best interests. Some of the most memorable storylines in WWE history were romantic: Randy Savage and Elizabeth. Hunter and Steph and Angle. Saturn and Moppy.

There are myriad ways to incorporate romance, and sex, and queerness into wrestling storytelling without it being exploitative or sending us back to the Attitude Era. Now, I have less than zero faith in WWE to be able to do so because, well, frankly they can’t even write straight white male wrestling at the moment. But the potential is there. One day soon I hope it’s realised.

I said in the beginning I felt attacked by BisexualMania 2014. I think mainly because I had no idea it was going on at the time and I feel robbed of the experience. But in all seriousness, the fact that all of this brazen queerness exists on WWE TV makes me feel the opposite of attacked.

Anyone who identifies as a minority knows how important it is to feel represented in pop culture. Because of the… shall we say the base nature of wrestling, I’ve never really harboured any great hope of much in the way of real, affirming representation, whether it be of women, people of colour, LGBTQ+ or anyone else. I mean, it says something that graduating from gross exploitation of women to callous queerbaiting can be seen as a massive improvement. It also says something that while the company has its first openly gay women’s wrestler and sells rainbow Balor Club t-shirts, they still turn around and do shows in KSA and still steadfastly refuse to engage in queer storylines in 2018. That’s the difference between WWE’s current brand of self-congratulatory, public relations social policy for show, and actual change. Change that shows in the stories presented on TV, that shows in the make up of the locker room, and in the make up of the writers’ room too.

I’m drifting wildly away from the point. I guess as with all things WWE, and particularly all things Divas Era, they can do better. Much better. But I’m gonna take what I can get. And for a few glorious months in 2014, BisexualMania was runnin’ wild.

I appreciate the space to get this big gay weight off my chest. Regularly scheduled, only moderately gay programming will resume next week. In fact, last night’s glorious return of Maryse the wrestler and her theme music reminds me that I really need to tell y’all about Maryse the wrestler and her theme music, so stay tuned.

Check it out: Layla vs. Summer Rae (Smackdown, July 11th 2014) AJ Lee vs. Paige – Divas Title (Battleground 2014) AJ Lee vs. Paige – Divas Title (Summerslam 2014) Paige vs. Natalya (Raw, August 18th 2014) Paige vs. Natalya (Raw, August 25th 2014) AJ & Paige vs. Natalya & Rosa (Raw, September 8th 2014) Paige vs. Summer Rae (Smackdown, September 12th 2014) Paige vs. Nikki Bella (Smackdown, September 19th 2014) Natalya vs. Summer Rae (Raw, September 22nd 2014)

[fashiontrendin-blog]

Ed Harris Has Absolutely No Idea What's Happening On 'Westworld'

http://fashion-trendin.com/ed-harris-has-absolutely-no-idea-whats-happening-on-westworld/

Ed Harris Has Absolutely No Idea What's Happening On 'Westworld'

The actor behind the Man in Black is as confused about the plot of “Westworld” as the rest of us.

“Even when I watch it,” Ed Harris said, “there’s a lot of it that I don’t always understand.”

“Yeah, I have no idea where it’s heading,” he added. “I don’t even know if I’m in it or not [next season]. I figure I am? But I don’t know in what capacity, and I don’t know what the what will be happening.”

Harris has been a Hollywood fixture since the 1980s, but these days the 67-year-old actor admits he’s probably more recognizable as the pot-stirring cowboy on HBO’s ever-baffling sci-fi Western drama series. Now in his second season as the show’s quasi-villain (a kind investor-turned-murderous dad who’s hellbent on figuring out what makes the robot park tick), he’s as lost as the viewers when it comes to the series’ famously hard-to-follow timeline.

“I got to tell you, the way this season ends, I have no idea what’s going to be going on,” he concluded.

Harris called me himself from the comfort of his Malibu, California, home last week to talk about the penultimate episode of “Westworld” Season 2, dubbed “Vanishing Point.” In it, the Man in Black, badly injured after being shot by both Maeve (Thandie Newton) and Lawrence (Clifton Collins Jr.), comes to blows with his daughter Grace (Katja Herbers) after reminiscing about the tragic death of his wife and her mother, Juliet (Sela Ward).

Earlier this season, viewers assumed Juliet died by suicide amid struggles with substance abuse, but in Season 2, Episode 9 we learn that she couldn’t accept her husband’s obsession with the android theme park. After finding his profile ― a dossier of sorts containing video footage of every seedy moment he’s experienced in Westworld ― she is sickened by his violent behavior. Before taking her own life, she deliberately leaves the profile behind for her daughter to uncover. Grace eventually finds it, but when she brings that information to the attention of her father, instead of hearing her out, he proceeds to kill his only child out of fear she’s just another one of park creator Ford’s (Anthony Hopkins) bot spies. 

Over the phone, Harris discussed the Man in Black’s devastating disconnection with reality and the longstanding theory that he’s actually an android himself. Oh, and he made it very clear he has no idea what’s going on in “Westworld,” either.

HBO

Ed Harris as the Man in Black on “Westworld” Season 2, Episode 9. 

You’ve had a stellar season but in Episode 9, you deliver, my friend. Let’s discuss some of what goes down. When you read the script, what were your thoughts?

I knew there were going to be some scenes in the past, in terms of the history with his family, so I was looking forward to it. Then I read it and thought, yeah, this will be fun to chew on.

It’s interesting because I’ve been watching it week-to-week with my wife [actress Amy Madigan] and there are certain weeks where I’m hardly in it, or not in it at all, and I feel like my character is kind of superfluous in terms of what’s really going on. But I’m glad there are certain episodes where you get back to the Man in Black and hopefully get intrigued by what is going on with him. Episode 9 was a good one. Working with Sela and Katja was intense.

The Man in Black is a central player, for sure, but I agree that it must be hard to keep track of your storyline among all the other characters on the show.

I got to the point last year when I would just focus on what was going on with the Man in Black because there’s so much going on [in the show]. Even when I watch it, and as much as I am a part of it, there’s a lot of it that I don’t always understand.

I find it fascinating and really interesting and I love watching it, but I don’t always get the intricacies of what’s taking place. [Laughs]

You sound just like me as a viewer!

Yeah, I think it’s got to be true of most viewers! It’s like “Game of Thrones,” in a sense that I loved watching that and I didn’t read the books. When I’m watching it with my daughter it’s great, because she can tell me everything about who everybody is and what’s going on. It’s one of those things where you get the gist of it, but you don’t necessarily understand all the minutiae.

It is probably a different experience to be a part of a show that has people heading to Reddit and message boards to discuss the small details of the plot. What has that sort of “spoiler” attention been like for you?

Well, I don’t pay any attention to all the things that are written about it, so that doesn’t affect me at all. It’s kind of funny because more people have probably seen me playing the Man in Black than all the films I’ve made combined. I wouldn’t be surprised! So that’s a bit odd.

Even when I watch [Westworld], and as much as I am a part of it, there’s a lot of it that I don’t always understand. I find it fascinating and really interesting and I love watching it, but I don’t always get the intricacies of what’s taking place. Ed Harris

Did you get the sense when you signed on to play this role that it would get a lot of attention?

I figured when HBO was putting a lot behind it ― our budgets are pretty big. Jonah [Nolan] and Lisa [Joy, the creators] are committed to making this a special kind of deal. Their integrity and their commitment and the depth of their work on creating this thing, it’s very impressive. So I was like, yeah, if I can help these guys fulfill their vision, I’d be happy to try. I didn’t really go into it knowing how I would feel doing it, it was just a really fun character. I mean, Man in Black? What the heck! I was going to have some fun.

There’s so much programming today, yet the Man in Black still feels like a unique character on TV.

Yeah, what, there’s maybe like 500 shows a year now or something? It’s unbelievable. I’ve been doing this for a while and so I still enjoy the acting thing and the more challenging a moment or a scene is, the more that calls on me to dig deep, I like that. It’s fun. It makes me feel like I’m doing something.

You get to play two different sides of this character, too: Man in Black in Westworld vs. William or Bill in the real world. How do you approach each situation?

You just try to … find the truth of the moment. Once you’re out of the Man in Black outfit and you got a suit on, you feel different, you know? [Laughs] And you’re working under different circumstances and you’re working with different people ― your wife and daughter, in a domestic situation that’s difficult ― so, as an actor, it’s just kind of organic.

How conscientious are you of your physical movements as an actor? Your walk or the way you hop on a horse to illustrate the Man in Black’s demeanor. Especially in a role like this, where every little word or movement tricks the viewer.

I think I’m probably as conscientious of my physical movements as I am of my vocal patterns or gestures of intent.

In Episode 9, for example, the Man in Black seems to be struggling with what is real, and he starts to question whether he, himself, is a robot. So viewers start assuming you might be one, too. How do you go about playing that?

He’s been so immersed in this park and in this other reality, this other dimension, that he’s lost it. He basically gets lost in it and he’s not sure what is going on. And so, especially working on this show, it’s not that difficult to play, “I don’t know what’s going on!” [Laughs]

Ed Harris doesn’t know, the Man in Black doesn’t know …

[Laughs] Yeah, I have no idea where it’s heading. We’re not supposed to start shooting Season 3 until next June, so I don’t even know if I’m in it or not. I figure I am? But I don’t know in what capacity, and I don’t know what the what will be happening. We’ll find out.

Well, there is a theory floating around that the robot Ford was working on in Season 1 was William ― was you. Can you give us any taste of whether you think that could be a possibility?

No, because I don’t really know! As the show progresses, there seems to be more and more dimensions. There’s the future, there’s the past, there’s the present, and so anything’s possible. But I can’t say much more than that.  

Anything is possible, as we saw Ford die in the finale last season, and he’s back in full swing. Probably not a bad gig acting alongside Anthony Hopkins, of course.

No, it’s good. I love working with Anthony.

Let’s talk about that scene with Ford in Episode 9, where he gives you the profile of William/the Man in Black and all he’s done in the park. It comes back to bite him in a huge way.  

Right. That’s the thing that sets him off on this whole journey he’s on. For years, he’s saying, “I’m going to blow this effin’ place up.” He’s very disturbed ― disappointed is not the word, but he’s enraged that his profile is such that he just thinks it’s bullshit. It’s also a total intrusion and he disagrees with it and he’s saying, “This was my idea, but it’s a bad one and it’s got to stop.”

We see his story unfold from William to the Man in Black. How does watching all that play with his own mind? A good guy turned a villain again and again.

He says, at some point, something to the effect of, “This part of me has always been with me.” He accepts that and realizes the park is a place where he can exorcise that part of him, that’s why he’s been going back every year. When he’s a civilian, he’s being honored for being this philanthropist ― he’s a very well-respected citizen on the outside. But he’s got this part of him that he knows is true and that he tries to confine to the park.

Now, he says he’s not leaving the park and will just be this guy and do what he’s got to do. It’s very deep and complicated and gets down to the core of this guy’s humanity. Sometimes it’s a little tricky to mine that, but it’s very helpful to have Jonah and Lisa around, because their combined minds work in a much different way than mine. It’s very helpful to me to ask them questions or have them warn me about what they really have in mind or what’s really going on, and that helps me deepen the reality of what I’m doing.

I’m sure it helped having Sela Ward join this episode and for you to see how the Man in Black’s actions have affected his family life outside of the park. How was it to dive into a husband-wife storyline for a little bit?

It was interesting, you know. She’s the one character, or the only other person in the outside world, who kind of knows the truth of this guy. She sees beyond his façade of being this respected citizen, and she calls him on it. 

HBO

Ed Harris and Sela Ward in “Westworld” Season 2, Episode 9, “Vanishing Point.” 

You really got to dig deep not only with Sela, but with your daughter, played by Katja Herbers. What we see at the end is the Man in Black seemingly kills his own child. Robot or human, that will surely mess with his psyche.

Yeah, it was a little surprising, I suppose, but [pause] the years that he’s been in this park, especially now that he says he’s not going to leave, I mean, his mind is in another place. He’s paranoid and knows that Ford is full of tricks and who knows what’s real and what isn’t? In that moment he just says, sorry, but you’re not even my daughter, so, goodbye. And then he goes, wait a minute, was she? Should I end my life? What should I do? He doesn’t know what to do. 

Are you worried at all about his path moving forward?

Well, yeah. I got to tell you, the way this season ends, I have no idea what’s going to be going on. I’m not nervous about it, but I really have no idea.

Can you tell us anything about the finale?

No, I can’t. [Laughs] I was instructed not to say an effin’ word, so I’m not going to!

Do you know if Jimmi Simpson will still be around portraying Man in Black as a younger man?

Who knows? I don’t know. I really don’t.

You guys didn’t know you were the same character when you first started the show, correct?

I don’t know if he did, but I sure didn’t. I mean, I saw Jimmi walking around the trailers on set one day and somebody told me, “You know, that’s you as a younger man.” I said, “What?!” I didn’t even know!

Jimmi told me it’s very intimidating to know he had to “grow up” to be Ed Harris.

Ohhh, I don’t think he’s intimidated anymore. We have a really good relationship. Sometimes he’ll email me some questions, like, “We’re going to do this scene where we both have to do the same thing with Delos. Are there any mannerisms or anything, blah, blah, blah?” I think Jimmi does a great job. He’s really cool, especially his relationship with Evan [Rachel Wood] and all that.

Do you and the rest of the cast ever theorize with each other about what’s going to happen?

Well, I have a feeling maybe Evan does with Thandie [Newton] or James [Marsden] or something, but I don’t really get into it too much. Just trying to do my thing, you know?

Jeff Kravitz via Getty Images

Jeffrey Wright, Evan Rachel Wood, Thandie Newton, Ed Harris and James Marsden attend the FYC Event for HBO’s WESTWORLD Season 2 at ArcLight Cinemas Cinerama Dome on April 17, 2018 in Hollywood, California. 

Yes, you said you try to stay out of the theory spirals. But in the opening credits, did you notice the robot babies? Will there be kid robots running around soon?

I have no idea! I really don’t! [Laughs] I mean, if they’re robot kids, do they just stay kids? I guess? It’s not like these people are getting older! I don’t know, that’s a mystery to me. I don’t know.

And then of course there was the whole James Delos-human-droid-immortality storyline, which you were a part of.

Yeah, it doesn’t seem to be working out too well for James! [Laughs]

Portraying something like that on-screen must be a mind trip, just considering how much our own world has grown, tech-wise, in the last 20 years.

It was a mind trip, but I got to tell you, my mind doesn’t really go there. I’m such a kind of, I don’t know, practical, realistic person in the way I look at things. I talk to Jonah and he’ll go on for minutes and minutes about what’s going on and it goes in one ear and out the other for me because I don’t really … they just think in different ways. Their whole selves are in a realm that my mind doesn’t even go to. I try to deal with the reality scene by scene, line by line, of what my character is doing and I don’t really cogitate too much about the ramifications of it all.

I mean, I know that artificial intelligence is becoming more and more a part of our world and I wonder where that all is going to end up, but I don’t spend a ton of time thinking about it.

Emmys season is coming up. Do you ever consider the possibility of award recognition, or are you just focused on the work?

There are certain roles that you know are more, not flashy, but more in-depth or more liable to be recognized. But that doesn’t really affect me. I don’t really think about it because it’s such a crapshoot anyway — you work on a film these days, especially on any kind of independent movie, you don’t even know if it’s going to be seen. The fulfilling part of it is the work: the rehearsal, the preparation, the time in front of the camera. After that it’s anybody’s guess.

That’s one of the things that’s kind of cool about being on “Westworld” is you know it’s very successful, you know people are into it, you know it’s a “hit,” so you know it’s going to be seen. But still, it would be just as fulfilling if it wasn’t. It’s about what you gain, what you learn … I just try to appreciate the creative part of it and the rest of it is up for grabs.

“Westworld” airs on Sundays at 9 p.m. ET on HBO. This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity. 

This has been a special edition of “Doesn’t Look Like Anything To Leigh … And Bill,” HuffPost’s weekly recap in which we break down the craziest thing you might have missed on “Westworld.”

Want more? Read all of HuffPost’s “Westworld” coverage.

[heyitsresie]

Facebook Vs. Instagram

So I decided to do a little experiment which consisted of one photo and two different social media outlets. If you haven’t already figured it out, the two social media outlets I used was Facebook and Instagram. Now, let me tell you about what I did. Although I’m a person who doesn’t care about how many likes I get on my photos or videos, I thought it would be interesting to see what would happen if I posted the same photo on both social media streams. Would I get more likes than the other? Would people comment more? 

WELLLLLL.... just before I reveal the results of my experiment, we do also need to look at two things. 

1. Number of followers/friends on both outlets

As of right now I currently have 244 followers on Instagram and 668 friends on Facebook

2. Date and Time of post

I posted the photo on Instagram on Sunday afternoon (March 25), whereas on Facebook I had posted the photo Monday afternoon (March 26). 

We’ll get into more detail a little later as to why these two things are important to know. BUT FOR NOW ....

THE RESULTS!

The first photo is from Facebook while the second photo is from Instagram. Here we can see that I got more likes on Instagram than I did with Facebook. So although I had more friends on Facebook, I got the least number of likes on it. 

Now the question of WHY. Like WHY THE FUCK did I only get 18 likes on Facebook!? Lol just kidding I don’t really care. However, we do need to actually answer the reason as to why that happened in order to fully understand where I’m going with this. 

As I mentioned earlier, there were two things we needed to know, which was the number of followers and friends I had and the date and time of my posts. The first bit of information is important because sometimes we have this automatic assumption that the more friends you have the more likes you’ll get. CLEARLY that wasn’t the case here. Just because you have more friends does not mean all 668 of them will like your post (and let’s be real, majority of your friends on social media aren’t really your friends. Most of them are probably people you met once in your life through a friend or some sort of gathering where you spoke to each other for like 10 minutes), and this could be due to a number of different reasons; maybe they’re Facebook or Instagram got flooded with so many other posts they just didn’t see yours? Maybe they aren’t active on social media? OR maybe they just down right don’t like your photo? WHO EFFIN KNOWS! Like I said, there are many different reasons. Besides, it’s not like all 244 followers on my Instagram liked my photo as well (30 just happens to be a greater number than 18 lol). To continue, another key factor to know is the date and time. While both photos were posted in the afternoon, the one on Facebook was posted on a Monday while the one on Instagram was posted on a Sunday. Why is this relevant you ask? Allow me to explain ... 

According to Alex York’s blog on ‘Best Times to Post on Social Media: 2018 Industry Research’ where he works closely with Sprout Social’s Data Science team to gather information, he explains that the best times to post varies across social networks. In other words, people are more engaged on Facebook during (x) time on (x) day vs. Instagram. Now although his article focused more on a business perspective, we can still use this as a basis. Furthermore, based on their research they discovered the following:

Best Time to Post on Facebook

The best times to post on Facebook are Wednesday at noon and 2 p.m. and Thursday at 1 and 2 p.m. 

Thursday is the best day to post on Facebook in the week

The safest times to post include weekdays from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m.

Saturday has the least amount of engagement for Facebook in the week 

Evenings and early mornings have the least amount of engagement in the day

Best Time to Post on Instagram

The best time to post on Instagram is Wednesday at 3 p.m., Thursday at 5 a.m., 11 a.m., and 3 to 4 p.m. and Friday at 5 a.m.

Thursday is the best day to post on Instagram 

The safest times to post on Instagram are Tuesday through Friday 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. 

Sunday is the least engaging day for Instagram

Now based on this information we can take a look back at the time I posted my photos (Instagram: Sunday afternoon and Facebook: Monday afternoon). Did my results coincide with York’s data? Not really ... but that doesn’t mean that the data they collected isn’t accurate either. It just means that the truth of the matter is, people are engaged in various social networks at different times. So in reality maybe the day I posted my photo, I had more friends actively using one social network than the day I posted it on another social media platform. Or maybe people had more downtime on the weekend than on the weekday? Like I’ve said, there are numerous reasons why we get the number of likes we do on social media, we just need to understand that it doesn’t always mean people don’t like your post, but that it’s based on other factors as well. BESIDES, who cares how many likes you get anyways! 

But if you are one of the few that actually care about likes well just know that it’s not you ... it’s them.

[ask-the-phan-site]

The White Collar Fiend of Self Righteousness

>It’s time.

Our target tonight: Will Harangue.

Protecting the alien superhero of Bellwood. This will be interesting.

I’m also looking forward to this. I wonder if we will meet Gwen Tennyson.

I doubt it. We need to pull this heist off without the Plumbers knowing. Which reminds me, you think that Zen guy will come though about keeping Paradox away from us?

Joker: Lavenza said he would. We can only believe she’s right.

Mona: Very well, Joker. If you trust her, than I trust her too. After all, she and I are both from the Velvet Room.

>Mona becomes our van and we go forth to take Harangue’s heart.

>2011, Bellwood TV Station. Will Harangue was just concluding another edition of the Will Harangue Nation.

That’s it for tonight. And remember, we’re still waiting to fear your comments on the supposed hero, Ben Tennyson. Our operators are standing by 24 hours. Ben Tennyson: Threat or Menace? You decide!

Camera man: And that’s a rap!

Will: Good work everyone!

>Everyone spoke in agreement. All except one.

Sound manager: ...

Will: What is it, Danny?

Danny: Well... I don’t agree with you about what you said about Ben Tennyson!

Will: What!? I thought I made it clear that Ben Tennyson is nothing but a danger to everyone on Earth. Why do you support him?

Danny: I just don’t think you should judge Ben before getting to know him. In all the times he has been doing hero work, has he ever hurt anyone?

Will: You left out “yet”.

Danny: That’s not fair! You didn’t give him a chance! Maybe it was a good thing you got that calling card.

Will: Or maybe it was a mistake to hire you as a sound manager. You will cease this talk of Ben Tennyson and that card or you’re fired!

>After hearing that, Danny had no choice but to back down.

???????: Jeez, just how much do you hate that guy!?

Will: !

>A red wave passes over Will. When it was over, he was now in what looked like a palace-like spaceship.

Will: What the hell?

?????: You think that because you have the media on your side, everyone else is? What is your effin problem!? Are you that arrogant!?

????: You abuse the media for your own ratings instead of using it to benefit the newest hero in town.

???: We cannot stand by and watch you make such a disgrace of such a young hero and yourself.

>The ship’s lights came on to show us on the cock pit seats.

Joker: Target: Will Harangue.

Your loud mouth has been running long enough. Time to shut that yap.

When you talk, you sound like some stupid scientist from some Disney cartoon show. That just makes you even more annoying.

Nothing good ever comes of slandering. A true hero should prove himself before being branded.

It is very ugly of you to put down the hopes of others by discriminating a hero so young. Just how far are you going to ruin someone’s life for you news show?

Queen: That is why we must take your heart and change your cognition of Ben Tennyson. So there may be hope for him and others.

Oracle: I bed even Jimmy Jones couldn’t come up with a speech like that.

Mona: Get ready, Will Harangue. Because tonight...

Joker: We will take the Treasure.

Will: ... Just who do you think you are? You can’t do that. It’s my nation. I do what I please! I don’t know who or what you are, it’s almost like you’re from a different time, but know this, you can’t stop me. I! AM! CAPTAIN!

Panther: We’ll see about that.

Fox: There’s no escape for you. We will take your heart.

Skull: Even if we have to do this the hard way.

>A dark aura then came over Will.

Shadow Will: I am one who protects this dominion from those who are threat to it and stamp out menaces like you and Ben Tennyson. I must keep it safe from the likes of you because it is what the people want. I will smite you down by any means necessary.

>The darkness then transforms the Shadow.

Skull: Here we go!

Oracle: I’ll see what I can get. Persona!

>Oracle’s Persona scans Dominion.

Oracle: Got it! It’s weak to Gun attacks.

Joker: Then get ready for this.

>I change Personas.

Joker: Persona!

>The Persona uses Pulinpa on Dominion and made him Confused.

Joker: Let’s go!

>Bullets were flying at Dominion until he was down.

Joker: Everyone, attack!

>We attacked, but it wasn’t enough.

Dominion: I am starting to wonder who the real problem is: Ben Tennyson or you? I will let my followers decide.

>Dominion uses Summon to call two more Shadows.

>The two Angels both use Dia on Dominion.

Dominion: Now feel my radiant splendor.

>Dominion uses Makougaon. Good thing my teammates aren’t weak to Bless and I already changed from Arsene.

Oracle: Looks like you can take those two down with Curse skills. But how are we suppose to do that without Harangue attacking us?

Skull: Leave that to me. Persona!

Oracle: Skull, what are you doing!? Those Shadows resist Electric skills!

Skull: (with a smile) Who said I was going to jolt them?

>Skull’s Persona uses Bad Beat. Dominion dodged it, but the two Angels got hit and fell to Despair.

Skull: Noir, do your thing!

Noir: Okay! Persona!

Noir: Don’t hold back, Milady! Give it all you’ve got!

>Noir’s Persona uses Mapsiodyne. The two Angels were near defeat.

Panther: Here I go!

>Panther takes her gun and shoots the Angels, eliminating them.

Oracle: Whoa! How did you know to do that, Skull?

Noir: It was my idea, actually. Me, Joker, Skull, and Panther thought of it after the last time we were here to secure a route.

Queen: I see. That’s quite cleaver, Noir.

Dominion: It is going to take more than a good plan to stop my campaign.

>Dominion raises his wings and casts Mahamaon. Me, Fox, Noir, and Mona dodged it while Panther, Skull, and Queen were defeated instantly.

Dominion: How long will you continue to defy me? I must purify this town before it is too late!

Oracle: Purify the town, huh? Kind of like how Medjed tried to purify Japan. Well guess what, if we can stop them, we can definitely stop you!

>Oracle’s Persona uses Revolution which increases our critical rate.

Fox: My turn. Persona!

>Fox’s Persona uses Rising Slash which was a critical hit on Dominion.

Oracle: You’ve got him on the run. Go in for the attack!

Hold Up!

Dominion: No! This is my nation! You hear me!? I am Will Harangue of Will Harangue Nation! I will humiliate Ben Tennyson! On TV, I! AM! INFINITE!

Fox: Nothing is infinite. I learned that the hard way with my former sensei. Your days impersonating J. Jonah Jameson is over! Joker, let’s do this!

>After the attack, the Shadow returned to his human form and a light came out of him.

Mona: Now to take the Treasure.

>I take the Treasure. It was the manuscript of his book, Ben Tennyson: Threat or Menace?.

Panther: That’s the Treasure? We can buy a copy of that anywhere, not that they were popular anyway, Japan loves Ben Tennyson.

Will: My greatest written work ever. How could it have come to this?

Joker: It’s because you judged Ben before you really got to know him. You care more about your ratings than the well-being of others.

Fox: He’s right. The way you act, you might as well wear a blonde woman’s wig, dress in women’s clothing, and start being called Agnes Joubert.

Will: ...

Joker: Just give him a chance to prove his worth as a hero. Find a more benevolent way to raise your ratings.

Will: ... Alright. I’ll do that. If it means I can go on.

>With that, Will returned to his true self and we leave as well.

>The next night, the Will Harangue Nation came on with Will Harangue with a look of despair on his face.

Will: I must confess something. I said many things about Ben Tennyson that were completely untrue. I made false accusations to raise the ratings for my show... I am... No different... Than the enemies he fights daily. (begins tearing up) I have given... Him a really hard time... Ben Tennyson, I now speak... Directly to you... I’m... Sorry for what I’ve done... How could I possible make up... For what I’ve done!? (begins crying a lot)

>The Tennyson House. Ben Tennyson, his cousin, Gwen, and her boyfriend, Kevin Levin saw the broadcast.

Ben: (laughing) Now that’s what I call good television!

Kevin: Dude had it coming. Guilt is hard to avoid.

>Gwen, on the other hand, was suspicious.

Something just doesn’t seem right. But what?

>This would be something that was puzzle Gwen secretly for a long time... Until today.

>The Velvet Room. Present. We gathered around Lavenza.

Well done, Former Inmate. This is the second time you have traveled through time and successfully fulfilled a request. You truly are proving yourself worthy of the title Trickster.

???????: Indeed he has.

>Someone was entering the Velvet Room. It was Zen and he was accompanied by a man in a lab coat.

Lavenza: Time Walker, what are you doing here? How did you even get in here? My master made sure that you would be unable to enter the Velvet Room even when he is not here.

I was let in.

Skull: By you?

No. Not by me.

????: By me.

>Four more people came into the Velvet Room. It was Gwen and Ben Tennyson, Keven Levin, and the feline Plumber, Rook Blonko.

Queen: I didn’t think you could get in. Then again, you do have magic.

It wasn’t easy, I promise. Now do you think you can tell us what happened back in 2011?

And I suggest you don’t leave out any details.

>We explained everything about what happened.

Really? It was you guys that made Harangue start those water works? (laughs) I guess I should be thanking you for that. That was really good television.

Even if guilt didn’t get him, he still had it coming.

Noir: What do you mean?

>Ben took out his phone and showed them.

Skull: Damn it! Are you effin serious!? We didn’t do a thing!?

Paradox: On the contrary, you thieves did exactly what was needed.

Ben: What do you mean?

Paradox: Sorry, no spoilers. But I can tell you this: For your friend, James Jones, dreams really do come true.

Skull: I think I see what you mean.

Zen: When Professor Paradox arrived, we didn’t fight. Instead, he assured me that he was on our side. He said this was suppose to happen.

Joker: I see. Well, thank you for letting us do this.

Paradox: Just doing what is dictated for many others.

>Queen was still in deep thought.

Queen: Gwen sama, there’s something I would like to ask you.

Gwen: What is it?

Queen: I know you have great magic powers.

Kevin: Actually, they’re alien powers.

Queen: But they sometimes appear with spells. Which is why I would like to ask... How did you use your powers to get into the Velvet Room?

Gwen: Well... This is going to sound crazy, but... I got it from a cat.

Mona: A cat?

>Suddenly, something else came into the Velvet Room.

Oracle: That cat. I think I’ve seen it before.

>The cat dug its mouth through its caller and took something out of it.

>I try to take the envelope until Gwen stopped me.

Skull: Thanks for that.

Panther: For what?

Kevin: Seriously? You live in Japan and you haven’t seen enough anime to know that a black envelope may not be a good sign?

Panther: I didn’t think that watching anime was mandatory. Though I do like some anime.

Skull: I watch anime too.

Oracle: (smirking) Like Sailor Moon?

Skull: Grr!

Gwen: (groaning) Let me handle it,

>Gwen opens the envelope and took out a folded piece of paper. When she opened it, a holographic-like image appeared out of it.

Hello, Phantom Thieves. I sent my familiar to you to let you know that the time for you to do something for me is coming. Wait for me to make my request and I will tell you the rest. See you soon.

>With that, the letter burst into flames. The cat also disappeared.

Fox: What was that?

Mona: I don’t know. But I have a feeling we’re about to find out.

>So, after Queen and Gwen’s autograph, we leave the Velvet Room.

>Another heist done.

[ecotone99]

[FN] LUDIMΔGIK - Man in a Box

I guess I'm as good a place to start as any. When I say "I" I don't mean the guy who was just speaking to you in the Introduction. I'm Chance, King of Queens. Is my name really Chance? Yes, but I’m not a rapper. Am I really a king? Yes, of the Queens of Kings. I don't want to tell you my real name. Where I’m from, everyone knows me as Chance. And by everyone I mean by you. Not "you," you but yeah, well, you. You from another time and dimension. You in another time and dimension know me—in another time and dimension. BUT before you roll your eyes and return to Facebook or Twitter, or, I don't know, TMZ? (Do people still use Gawker at this point? I'm still getting acclimated.), I know what I said sounds crazy. I know. And, while I do acknowledge that this might put this little story in the "fantasy" genre of your mind, I do encourage you to bear with me, because— because—actually, screw it! Ha! I can see already that most of you barely made it through the last guy's ramblings. Now this?! Well I'll have you know that I did not exactly ask to be in this position either, but here we are, with me in your hands! If you want to close me like a window, then do it! I was already out the door anyhow! But if you close that window, and I close that door, with me on the other side of it, we could be trapped! As I don't think we'll make much use of that hole in the wall, like with Pyramus and Thisbe, one of us would ruin this love affair!

Excuse me. I—I lost myself for a moment there. I think it knew I was talking to you. Whatever “it” is. That seems to be happening, ever since I got here. For one, I don’t mix metaphors. Often. And who the heck is Primus von Frisbee?

I’ll be honest. It’s exhausting. Did it work on you? The reverse psychology? The scare tactic? It got me before. You could stop, you know. You could stop reading. Possibly it’ll be too much. Possibly it’ll be too confusing. I can’t though. I’m stuck here. There’s no turning back. Is the desperation evident? I. am. thirsty. Burning up. You see, I'm really not used to this. Where I'm from, I'm a star. Like, I don't know. I can't say who I'm like because I'm just me. It'd be like if George Clooney suddenly said, "Who am I? I'm like Bradley Cooper." We'd all be like, "Um, what are you talking about, George Clooney? Are you okay? You're both very essential, incredibly sexy, talented m—theatre par excellence—you—" okay maybe this isn't the best example. But you get it. You got it, right? Ugh. It'd be like if Meryl Streep said, "I'm like Leo Messi!" (Though, come to think, she probably could play Leo in a movie on or on the field, the woman can do anything. Good point. Well, a point. Okay, focus! Me, Chance. I'm like...who am I like?) So I guess, in a way, where I’m from I'm like Andy Warhol, but more awkward? Or maybe more like a not-so-genius Leonardo da Vinci? Without the impeccable charisma, smoking body and that whole Renaissance-man quality that he was known for. Wow! Really not selling this well here. I’m like—I’m like an innovative Norman effing Rockwell, okay! Just—kind of commenting on and changing the times through painting, you know? I’m me! Just me. Imagine you, famous, and you’ll more or less get me. Does that make sense? Yes? No? Anyone?

Gah! It's so hard! You see, how can I explain to you that you already like me? Most of you, anyway. How can I explain that others before you, your ancestors, already have? (Some, not so much.) I guess I really can't, can I? I'll just have to show you. I'll just have to tell you about what happened in my dimension. How it's differed from yours.

In my dimension, the tension…the tension is very different. Kind of funny but, in my dimension Twitter banned Donald Trump from using the site during the middle of his presidential campaign (for obvious reasons) and he lost. But not because of being banned from Twitter. He wasn’t even a contender. I’m not going to go into all the details now, but the history of the USA during the last twenty years has been immensely different, because in the year 2000 of my dimension George W. Bush suffered a serious heart attack on Election Day and did not move to halt the recounting of Florida’s votes in the Supreme Court, which ultimately secured Al Gore the electoral college votes needed for victory.

For the past several years we’ve been turning methane released from livestock into renewable energy. Which sounds like some wacky Willy Wonka nonsense, I know, but US scientists collaborated with researchers in Argentina who had already developed a similar technology on a smaller scale, and together they made a device capable of extracting the gas out of the atmosphere. The federal government actually incentivized farmers to use the technology to make money. And there’s a lot of new building going on, even skyscrapers covered in plants. Companies also extracting carbon from the atmosphere. Landfills which double as power plants but are treated so they don’t release toxic chemicals…that triple as city attractions and tourist destinations. All of that is barely happening here, if at all. It’s kind of surreal to witness your world; it’s almost the opposite of mine. Partly due to Gore convincing one conservative billionaire (whom I’ll not name) that the future could and should be green, and that the moment was the optimal time to invest. Of course, it was the story of it that made any difference. The headline was enough to freeze the country’s broken, partisaned ice and allow politicians and private interest to skate to greener pastures, or whatever. I should add, by the way, that I’m not even some big environmentalist nerd. I mean, I care! I’m just telling you how it’s different in my place and time.

Regarding the small stuff, I really don't need to spend paragraphs describing it. Celebrity gossip is all kind of the same, isn’t it? You’re probably more curious as to how I got here, from another dimension. Or why? Lean close to the screen, let me tell you a secret. (I’m not doing that.) The secret is: I have no effin’ idea! Like, did I die? I passed out one night and I woke up in another version of me. How would you feel if you woke up in your body, but it wasn’t yours, and you couldn’t even talk or control it? You just sit there and watch this…buffoon of yourself go about all day mucking just about everything up. Barely getting a word in. I feel like I’m stuck inside a copy of myself here, is what I’m saying, a version of me in serious need of an upgrade. I feel like I’m on layaway. I’m half-convinced I’m dreaming. I’m struggling more than a bit, truth be told. You can probably tell, I don’t have a lot of answers. Really, very few. I’m kind of just rolling with it? Low-key losing my mind a bit but in a really controlled way. Maybe I just have to do something here, then I can go. Complete some task. I don’t know. What I do know is that one tiny BIG difference between your dimension and mine is me. Why does that matter? I think part of what's brought me here is the same thing that brought you to where you are now, that which brings us such joy yet so often gets in our way of passions pursued and unrealized alike. Any guesses as to what it is? I'll give you two hints. It doesn't grow on trees and it makes the world go round.

You guessed it! Love! You can't buy it, ya know. (Oh, and the money was a bit of a problem, too.) You see, in your dimension, a battle never occurred. A king was taken prisoner, in a sense, before it could. The me who used to inhabit this body solely, before I arrived. I guess I should give him a name, shouldn't I? To make this easier. We'll call the pre-Me me "Alex." Yeah. I like that. Alexander! It sounds honorable enough. Alex, he was a good guy. Is, I should say. I mean he's not gone. I’m Alex. I’m Alex from another dimension, one in which he had a lot less problems and did a lot more painting. He’s here. I, Chance, am an altogether different Alex, an Alex he could have been if he had gotten the...well, hopefully you're starting to get it. I don't know what to tell ya. Go back and reread, or I don't know, ask a friend. As for Alex, that cruel, blind love struck him at his core, just once in his life (his faulty tortoise shell never was very thick). Boy, did it mess with his brain. By the time it was finished with him, he was writhing on unable to get on his feet again and finish the race.

Because of love, because of a card in the deck remained blank. A king card was missing, never entered a battle. It was reshuffled, reshuffled, from one relationship to the next, one job to the next, one drink to the next. One joint, one cigarette. Then reshuffled some more. And yea I feel I should make it clear that when I say shuffle I mean drink, drink...drunk. Alex’s dream of being a novelist

Unfortunately, for Alex—let's see. How can I phrase this with self-compassion? We're a mixed bag. The roller-coaster ride was fun before it coasted right off the tracks. Or maybe it was that at a certain point Alex "forgot" to pull the safety bar down tight enough. And maybe the ride safety inspector was careless, carefully so. In the realm of looks, let's just say we’re kind of handsome and kind of ugly. In the realm of personality, a real fly guy and hella awkward. Brains? Smart enough to be writing this and dumb enough to be writing this. (And don't forget the dose of crazy!) What else? Virtue? Check +! In the realm of physical prowess? We’re the crouching tiger and the hidden dragon, caged at the zoo. We’re part beauty, part beast. Finally found, but so lost here. Y'all, there's giant wave about to lurch out of this great big length of ocean, and we’re just as liable to get carried away with it as you are. How do you see us, though? That strange, magical interplay between your mind, body and soul: how does it reflect us back to you?

Maybe if I let Alex explain it will help. OH. But first there's an important detail I'm leaving out. These "dream battles"—Rounds—in our story affect the real world in real ways, all too real. You know how you go to sleep and dream about the events and people of the past? Maybe about your problems, worries, sexual repressions...the subconscious is a jungle and the machete that is your conscious allows very limited access to it, for most of us. It's different with the Players in our story. Whereas most of us dream with little control over our actions in them, the outcome of their dreams, which they navigate with lucidity, can affect our culture, our politics, our every day to day. Success for these stars in the Ludimagik realm translates to success in the real world.

But Alex? Poor Alex. He never stood a chance. It’s almost as if the Universe said, what an infant, he’ll never grow up, and so it set about making him cry. Of course, he didn’t exactly make anything easier on himself, either. Let me ask you: How often do you remember your dreams if you get hammered, if that's an occurrence for you at all? Much less know that you're dreaming and control the dream? How much do you think your brain is developing, as it does throughout our twenties, when it's constantly being drenched in booze and beer? We're here to tell you: not as much as if you're living right, not by a long shot. For the longest time he had no clue that he could dream with any lucidity. And he’s still doesn’t have the full picture.

See, without saying too much yet, what I can tell you is that a good deal of people know a lot more about Alex than he does. They have been trying to orchestrate his fate, manipulating him into playing their games. Exploit what he doesn’t know. Or maybe they think he’s a bad guy. I don’t know. It’s pretty messed up when you think about all he’s been through. But hey—power corrupts! Someone’s got to have it.

In his defense, had the “demon” of alcoholism not gotten to him, things would be different. I’m proof of that. It’s hard to fight something you can’t see. The point is that drinking, getting drunk, every day, for years, up until the point when he nearly died, afforded him no second thoughts about dreaming. He’s getting there, though. Soon, he’ll play Ludimagik. Soon, he’ll be just aware, as soon you will be, of what he is capable of building, of creating.

Shall we meet Alex? Just be warned: he’s a little—what’s that word we heard the other day?—”extra.” But that’s just me. Here, decide for yourself.

Continue reading here.

See the previous section, the Introduction, here.

Please share and subscribe if you enjoy. Thanks for reading.

submitted by /u/nick_boatwright [link] [comments] via Blogger https://ift.tt/2Noqo6m

[ecotone99]

[FN] LUDIMΔGIK -- "One: Introductions"

I guess I'm as good a place to start as any. When I say "I" I don't mean the guy who was just speaking to you in the Introduction. I'm Chance, King of Queens. Is my name really Chance? Yes, but I’m not a rapper. Am I really a king? Yes, of the Queens of Kings. I don't want to tell you my real name. Where I’m from, everyone knows me as Chance. And by everyone I mean by you. Not "you," you but yeah, well, you. You from another time and dimension. You in another time and dimension know me—in another time and dimension. BUT before you roll your eyes and return to Facebook or Twitter, or, I don't know, TMZ? (Do people still use Gawker at this point? I'm still getting acclimated.), I know what I said sounds crazy. I know. And, while I do acknowledge that this might put this little story in the "fantasy" genre of your mind, I do encourage you to bear with me, because— because—actually, screw it! Ha! I can see already that most of you barely made it through the last guy's ramblings. Now this?! Well I'll have you know that I did not exactly ask to be in this position either, but here we are, with me in your hands! If you want to close me like a window, then do it! I was already out the door anyhow! But if you close that window, and I close that door, with me on the other side of it, we could be trapped! As I don't think we'll make much use of that hole in the wall, like with Pyramus and Thisbe, one of us would ruin this love affair!

Excuse me. I—I lost myself for a moment there. I think it knew I was talking to you. Whatever “it” is. That seems to be happening, ever since I got here. For one, I don’t mix metaphors. Often. And who the heck is Primus von Frisbee?

I’ll be honest. It’s exhausting. Did it work on you? The reverse psychology? The scare tactic? It got me before. You could stop, you know. You could stop reading. Possibly it’ll be too much. Possibly it’ll be too confusing. I can’t though. I’m stuck here. There’s no turning back. Is the desperation evident? I. am. thirsty. Burning up. You see, I'm really not used to this. Where I'm from, I'm a star. Like, I don't know. I can't say who I'm like because I'm just me. It'd be like if George Clooney suddenly said, "Who am I? I'm like Bradley Cooper." We'd all be like, "Um, what are you talking about, George Clooney? Are you okay? You're both very essential, incredibly sexy, talented m—theatre par excellence—you—" okay maybe this isn't the best example. But you get it. You got it, right? Ugh. It'd be like if Meryl Streep said, "I'm like Leo Messi!" (Though, come to think, she probably could play Leo in a movie on or on the field, the woman can do anything. Good point. Well, a point. Okay, focus! Me, Chance. I'm like...who am I like?) So I guess, in a way, where I’m from I'm like Andy Warhol, but more awkward? Or maybe more like a not-so-genius Leonardo da Vinci? Without the impeccable charisma, smoking body and that whole Renaissance-man quality that he was known for. Wow! Really not selling this well here. I’m like—I’m like an innovative Norman effing Rockwell, okay! Just—kind of commenting on and changing the times through painting, you know? I’m me! Just me. Imagine you, famous, and you’ll more or less get me. Does that make sense? Yes? No? Anyone?

Gah! It's so hard! You see, how can I explain to you that you already like me? Most of you, anyway. How can I explain that others before you, your ancestors, already have? (Some, not so much.) I guess I really can't, can I? I'll just have to show you. I'll just have to tell you about what happened in my dimension. How it's differed from yours.

In my dimension, the tension…the tension is very different. Kind of funny but, in my dimension Twitter banned Donald Trump from using the site during the middle of his presidential campaign (for obvious reasons) and he lost. But not because of being banned from Twitter. He wasn’t even a contender. I’m not going to go into all the details now, but the history of the USA during the last twenty years has been immensely different, because in the year 2000 of my dimension George W. Bush suffered a serious heart attack on Election Day and did not move to halt the recounting of Florida’s votes in the Supreme Court, which ultimately secured Al Gore the electoral college votes needed for victory.

For the past several years we’ve been turning methane released from livestock into renewable energy. Which sounds like some wacky Willy Wonka nonsense, I know, but US scientists collaborated with researchers in Argentina who had already developed a similar technology on a smaller scale, and together they made a device capable of extracting the gas out of the atmosphere. The federal government actually incentivized farmers to use the technology to make money. And there’s a lot of new building going on, even skyscrapers covered in plants. Companies also extracting carbon from the atmosphere. Landfills which double as power plants but are treated so they don’t release toxic chemicals…that triple as city attractions and tourist destinations. All of that is barely happening here, if at all. It’s kind of surreal to witness your world; it’s almost the opposite of mine. Partly due to Gore convincing one conservative billionaire (whom I’ll not name) that the future could and should be green, and that the moment was the optimal time to invest. Of course, it was the story of it that made any difference. The headline was enough to freeze the country’s broken, partisaned ice and allow politicians and private interest to skate to greener pastures, or whatever. I should add, by the way, that I’m not even some big environmentalist nerd. I mean, I care! I’m just telling you how it’s different in my place and time.

Regarding the small stuff, I really don't need to spend paragraphs describing it. Celebrity gossip is all kind of the same, isn’t it? You’re probably more curious as to how I got here, from another dimension. Or why? Lean close to the screen, let me tell you a secret. (I’m not doing that.) The secret is: I have no effin’ idea! Like, did I die? I passed out one night and I woke up in another version of me. How would you feel if you woke up in your body, but it wasn’t yours, and you couldn’t even talk or control it? You just sit there and watch this…buffoon of yourself go about all day mucking just about everything up. Barely getting a word in. I feel like I’m stuck inside a copy of myself here, is what I’m saying, a version of me in serious need of an upgrade. I feel like I’m on layaway. I’m half-convinced I’m dreaming. I’m struggling more than a bit, truth be told. You can probably tell, I don’t have a lot of answers. Really, very few. I’m kind of just rolling with it? Low-key losing my mind a bit but in a really controlled way. Maybe I just have to do something here, then I can go. Complete some task. I don’t know. What I do know is that one tiny BIG difference between your dimension and mine is me. Why does that matter? I think part of what's brought me here is the same thing that brought you to where you are now, that which brings us such joy yet so often gets in our way of passions pursued and unrealized alike. Any guesses as to what it is? I'll give you two hints. It doesn't grow on trees and it makes the world go round.

You guessed it! Love! You can't buy it, ya know. (Oh, and the money was a bit of a problem, too.) You see, in your dimension, a battle never occurred. A king was taken prisoner, in a sense, before it could. The me who used to inhabit this body solely, before I arrived. I guess I should give him a name, shouldn't I? To make this easier. We'll call the pre-Me me "Alex." Yeah. I like that. Alexander! It sounds honorable enough. Alex, he was a good guy. Is, I should say. I mean he's not gone. I’m Alex. I’m Alex from another dimension, one in which he had a lot less problems and did a lot more painting. He’s here. I, Chance, am an altogether different Alex, an Alex he could have been if he had gotten the...well, hopefully you're starting to get it. I don't know what to tell ya. Go back and reread, or I don't know, ask a friend. As for Alex, that cruel, blind love struck him at his core, just once in his life (his faulty tortoise shell never was very thick). Boy, did it mess with his brain. By the time it was finished with him, he was writhing on unable to get on his feet again and finish the race.

Because of love, because of a card in the deck remained blank. A king card was missing, never entered a battle. It was reshuffled, reshuffled, from one relationship to the next, one job to the next, one drink to the next. One joint, one cigarette. Then reshuffled some more. And yea I feel I should make it clear that when I say shuffle I mean drink, drink...drunk. Alex’s dream of being a novelist

Unfortunately, for Alex—let's see. How can I phrase this with self-compassion? We're a mixed bag. The roller-coaster ride was fun before it coasted right off the tracks. Or maybe it was that at a certain point Alex "forgot" to pull the safety bar down tight enough. And maybe the ride safety inspector was careless, carefully so. In the realm of looks, let's just say we’re kind of handsome and kind of ugly. In the realm of personality, a real fly guy and hella awkward. Brains? Smart enough to be writing this and dumb enough to be writing this. (And don't forget the dose of crazy!) What else? Virtue? Check +! In the realm of physical prowess? We’re the crouching tiger and the hidden dragon, caged at the zoo. We’re part beauty, part beast. Finally found, but so lost here. Y'all, there's giant wave about to lurch out of this great big length of ocean, and we’re just as liable to get carried away with it as you are. How do you see us, though? That strange, magical interplay between your mind, body and soul: how does it reflect us back to you?

Maybe if I let Alex explain it will help. OH. But first there's an important detail I'm leaving out. These "dream battles"—Rounds—in our story affect the real world in real ways, all too real. You know how you go to sleep and dream about the events and people of the past? Maybe about your problems, worries, sexual repressions...the subconscious is a jungle and the machete that is your conscious allows very limited access to it, for most of us. It's different with the Players in our story. Whereas most of us dream with little control over our actions in them, the outcome of their dreams, which they navigate with lucidity, can affect our culture, our politics, our every day to day. Success for these stars in the Ludimagik realm translates to success in the real world.

But Alex? Poor Alex. He never stood a chance. It’s almost as if the Universe said, what an infant, he’ll never grow up, and so it set about making him cry. Of course, he didn’t exactly make anything easier on himself, either. Let me ask you: How often do you remember your dreams if you get hammered, if that's an occurrence for you at all? Much less know that you're dreaming and control the dream? How much do you think your brain is developing, as it does throughout our twenties, when it's constantly being drenched in booze and beer? We're here to tell you: not as much as if you're living right, not by a long shot. For the longest time he had no clue that he could dream with any lucidity. And he’s still doesn’t have the full picture.

See, without saying too much yet, what I can tell you is that a good deal of people know a lot more about Alex than he does. They have been trying to orchestrate his fate, manipulating him into playing their games. Exploit what he doesn’t know. Or maybe they think he’s a bad guy. I don’t know. It’s pretty messed up when you think about all he’s been through. But hey—power corrupts! Someone’s got to have it.

In his defense, had the “demon” of alcoholism not gotten to him, things would be different. I’m proof of that. It’s hard to fight something you can’t see. The point is that drinking, getting drunk, every day, for years, up until the point when he nearly died, afforded him no second thoughts about dreaming. He’s getting there, though. Soon, he’ll play Ludimagik. Soon, he’ll be just aware, as soon you will be, of what he is capable of building, of creating.

Shall we meet Alex? Just be warned: he’s a little—what’s that word we heard the other day?—”extra.” But that’s just me. Here, decide for yourself.

Continue reading here.

See the previous section, the Introduction, here.

submitted by /u/nick_boatwright [link] [comments] via Blogger https://ift.tt/2R9B89z