#but can some of them be pretty attractive? think Robert Downey Jr

[mutatismutandisx]

Shadow and Bone (Netflix Series Review)

No Spoilers!!!

"Be careful of powerful men" - Genya Safin

Welcome to the Grishaverse!

Shadow and Bone is Netflix's big gamble for young adult fiction mega-success, the kind we haven't seen since Jennifer Lawrence volunteered as tribute almost a decade ago, adapting Leigh Bardugo's popular Grishaverse novels (her debut trilogy Shadow and Bone and serving as a prequel for the Six of Crows duology), anchored by an incredibly diverse cast (mostly newcomers) and a huge production budget, showrunner Eric Heisserer, alongside Bardugo who serves as an executive producer, aim for Hunger Games and Harry Potter level phenomenon with their own fantasy epic.

To Heisserer's credit, he manages a great adaptation of Bardugo's novels, even if he falls prey to the same story tropes that made Bardugo's debut novels seem so derivative, Heisserer brings the Grishaverse to life in a (mostly) successful run of 8 episodes, and even if his grand tour of Ravka isn't the most organized or well planned, most viewers will still fall in love with this world.

Heisserer's boldest creative choice, and biggest deviation from the novels, is the introduction of Kaz Brekker and his Crows, Jesper and Inej, in this opening chapter to the story, characters that did not appear in Bardugo's original Shadow and Bone trilogy. Creatively and business-wise, his decision is an obvious one, Bardugo's Shadow and Bone novels, while a solid debut, are the typical young adult fodder that is bombarded to consumers every year, a largely derivative yet charming "chosen one" story that teens and tweens eat up every year and then mostly forget about when the next one comes around (less Percy Jacson and more Divergent if you will), truth be told Bardugo's Grishaverse only became a phenomenon after the release of her superb Six of Crows duology, featuring Bardugo's very own Suicide Squad, a ragtag group of crimials performing incredible, mind-bending heists in the tough streets of a fictional Amsterdam (and beyond!), all anchored by what is (to this day) Bardugo's best creation: Kaz Brekker, a Batman-meets-The Riddler machiavelic genius with a flair for theatrics, Six of Crows and it's follow-up Crooked Kingdom are surely the main reason Netflix even greenlit this series to begin with. And just like in the books, Brekker and his Crows provide a much needed bolt of manic energy to an otherwise very by-the-numbers storyline. Not to discredit Bardugo's talent as a writer, but her skills had simply not been honed at the time of her 2012 debut, a shortcoming that Bardugo would fix later on, in her follow up novels, through ambition and sheer force of will.

And yet, Heisserer stays extremely faithful to the books, whether it's to Bardugo's best ideas or her least creative ones, he adapts it all, while attempting to add his own flair into the mix (with varying results), take our main protagonist for example, Alina Starkov, to those unfamiliar with the novels, Alina is the Katniss Everdeen of this story, a mostly ordinary young woman who, by a struck of destiny, finds herself thrust into the spotlight in the hero/savior-of-her-people role (a most unflattering one might I add), and thus becomes an unwilling symbol to a cause she hardly understands, saddled with all the responsabilities and power that comes with the job, and with the inevitable political players and adversaries that may take advantage of her power for their own gain ("Be careful of powerful men" one of Alina's confidants warns her in episode 5). And did I mention she happens to find herself in the middle of a love triangle? Indeed Bardugo's original novel isn't the most creative, and yet Heisserer doesn't have much to offer as a way to reinvent the character, the best he can come up with is changing Alina's ethnicity (originally caucasian) to that of the fictional Shu Han people (read: China), and yet, nothing is really done with the change, it just sits there, (similarly to Alina everytime a background character hurls xenophobic abuse at her), it's not explored and hardly touched upon, which begs the question why introduce the change in the first place? While I commend the showrunners for casting a female lead of asian descent on a blockbuster property such as this, I would remind them that true diversity is more than simply ethnic tokenism. Perhaps there will be a bigger payoff for the creative change in future seasons (if we get them, season 2 has not been greenlit), doubtfull but I'll remain optimistic.

Tokenism aside, the diversity of the cast truly is commendable, and as expected with a young adult property, it's a very young and very attractive cast, on the one hand it's understandable, they need to appeal to their core demographic, on the other hand they commit themselves to one of the most glaring faults in Bardugo's Grishaverse series, Ravka doesn't seem to have soldiers, politicians or grisha over the age of 25, it seems like a huge oversight on part of a country (and Leigh Bardugo) to have the entire power of the government and the military reside upon a group of teenagers, but be that as it may, most of the cast, while young, is very talented, even if their characters aren't fully developed, they do their best with what they are given, some of the standouts are Jessie Mei Li as Alina, Mei Li is saddled with a character and plot that's as derivative as they come, and yet she finds nuances in her perfomance that are lovely to watch, she brings a sense of joy and determination to Alina that lesser actors couldn't even imagine much less portray, all that helps her stand out from most, if not all, the crowd of chosen one characters that have come before her, and even tho Mei Li doesn't reach Jennifer Lawrence levels with her performance, she certainly surpasses the Kristen Stewarts and Shailene Woodleys that have come before.

Ben Barnes is a surprise as General Kirigan, at first glance you might think him miscast (too young, too pretty to be believed as a stone cold, battle hardened general) and yet he still manages to make the character his own, a possessive, demanding, controlling, master manipulator who always seems to have the upper hand, Barnes is blessed with a tight script and he never misses a beat giving a subtle and nuanced performance. And then there is Kit Young as Jesper Fahey, sharpshooter, playboy, criminal with a heart of gold, Young is a revelation, he is as good in his role as Robert Downey Jr. is as Tony Stark, and that's all you need to know, Young was simply born to play Jesper, anchored by a strong script, he steals every scene he is in and far overshadows his fellow Crows. And as for the other Crows, Freddy Carter acts his heart out as Kaz Brekker, committing to a very physical performance, from scowl to limp, he embodies Brekker visually, but after the first 2 episodes you get the feeling the writers simply don't know what to do with his character, losing the spotlight to other actors blessed with better material, never did I think Kaz Brekker would be overshadowed by one of his fellow Crows, yet here we are. Carter's talent still shines through and his perpetual, omnipresent scowl as Brekker is a beauty to behold, even if his limping is somewhat inconsistent, which makes me hopeful he will improve when given more to do, still it's a shame to have the master strategist/evil genius Bruce Wayne replaced by a lowly con artist and not a very successful one at that. As for Amita Suman, while perfectly cast as Inej Ghafa, her character is severely underwritten, from her past work in The Menagerie, to her faith, to her interactions with Brekker, it's all done in the broadest of strokes, Suman isn't given much to do and therefore doesn't have the opportunity to excel as The Wraith.

You can feel the writers straining for time between developing this world and the large cast of characters they have to work with, inevitably some characters fall of the wayside, through none of the actors' fault. Daisy Head as Genya Safin is all untapped potential, even more underwritten here than she is in the books, which make later revelations about her character (the color of her kefta and shifting allegiances) barely register, hopefully they correct that going forward. Sujaya Dasgupta is another victim of a weak script and little screen time, Dasgupta is simply miscast as the powerful, acerbic, steely-eyed Zoya Nazyalensky, long gone is the regal, no nonsense, silver-tongued Grisha general, in Dasgupta's hands Zoya is just a watered down Grisha version of a Mean Girl, faltering every scene with the exception of one moment, as she makes her way through party goers at the Little Palace and she corrects Inej's ethnicity to a bystander, (her one good line reading in the entire show) "She's Suli", she declares, with all the strenght and defiance that's sorely missing from the rest of her performance, moving forward let's hope a stronger script can lift her performace off the ground, because right now all the wind is gone from this Squaller's wings. And as for Malyen Oretsev played by Archie Renaux, he is the Gale Hawthorne of this story, the undignified love interest, and Renaux is as boring in his role as Liam Hemsworth was in his.

Lastly, Danielle Galligan as Nina Zenik and Calahan Skogman as Matthias Helvar, are equally terrible in their performances, from their accents to their interactions, none of it rings true, and it's particularly jarring when juxtaposed with the talent portrayed by the rest of the cast, we spent way too much time with Nina and Matthias, for absolutely no payoff to their story (yet! Fans will recognize them as 2 future members of Brekker's murder of Crows), but their little side adventure is so disconnected with the events of the main plot that I can't help but feel their story was better reserved for another time, hopefully with some better actors playing the roles. A lovely moment of playfulness between Nina and Matthias while they tread along in a barren, snowy hill, is the only glimpse of hope for Galligan's and Skogman's performances, maybe there is talent to be tapped but it certainly wasn't in display this time around.

The Grishaverse is simply too large and complex, so understandably Heisserer and his writers room have a lot on their plate, but while the character work is largely uneven, his world building is quite solid, based on the impressive foundation Bardugo set out for them, the showrunners are able to bring the world of Ravka to life, the costume design is stunning, from soldiers to Grishas, to royals and diplomats, the costume department does a fabulous job with every piece and every character, one of the high points in the series.

The VFX team also does a lot of the heavy lifting for Heisserer's world building efforts, realizing the different power sets of all the Grisha in a fantastical manner while still maintaining a realistic quality to them, ("you'll believe a man can fly"), but even with a huge production budget, Heisserer strains with this world-spanning adventure, so even though the set and production design is mostly impressive, some sets simply fall out of range for the show's budget, case in point, both Ravka's Royal Palace and the Little Palace are not fully realized, viewers are given a single outside shot of the Royal Palace (and from very far away at that) and the throne room is only visited once, and as for the Little Palace, it's stripped from many of the books most sprawling details, the training grounds, the Grisha school, the fabrikators workshop, the dining room, the palace's towers, all falling victim to obvious budget restrains. Not to mention both palaces are devoid of the classic Russian influences that permeate Ravka's world.

But Heisserer's skills for world building show the most limitations on the lore of the Grishaverse, the three Orders of the Grisha are never properly explained, with Fabrikators getting next to none screen time, Heisserer is never capable to establish a clear view of the world these characters inhabit, most viewers will be very confused about Ravka's shifting borders, the civil war tensions between East and West, and the adversary foreign nations (an inclusion of a map in the opening credits of every episode would have gone a long way), the sociopolitical elements that Bardugo has infused in her books are decidedly complex and the show doesn't do them justice, unfortunately. Perhaps most glaring is the very clear disagreements on what a Ravkan's diction and accent should be, since every actor has their own interpretation of it, an oversight that I hope is fixed in future seasons.

As the few completely negative points of the show, alongside Galligan and Skogman, the sound mixing is terrible (you will need subtitles to watch this show) and the cutaway flahbacks are quite sloppy.

To conclude, Shadow and Bone is a lovingly crafted, beautifully realized, world building adventure, it has a couple of missteps along the way (like all adventures do), but the final product is strong enough to overcome some of its creative faux pas, with a solid script and anchored by a (mostly) talented cast, Shadow and Bone doesn't reach Catching Fire levels of greatness but it far outpaces the rest of the young adult fantasy competition.

[missinghan]

time lapse ⤖ seo changbin

❖ genre : idiots to lovers! au; long-distance relationship! au; fluff; a teeny tiny bit of angst

❖ word count : 14,9k.

❖ warning : explicit language, suggestive remarks & mentions of alcohol

❖ summary : you used to see Changbin as a friend until you realized that you both don’t look at each other the way best friends are supposed to. 

one.

Apparently, people like you and Changbin don’t look forward to spring breaks, ever, because you simply cannot see the point in getting pumped for the very few days of sleeping in only to dread every last moment of it. Hence, he keeps FaceTiming you every day and night with such ridiculous reasons it actually boosts your ego into thinking that he misses you. 

Oh, boy were you wrong.

But this time around, he seems so flustered and burnt up all of a sudden it makes a smirk creep its way up to your lips. Seeing him in such a vulnerable state, you’re more than satisfied like a sadistic predator. You can really use some tea right now, it’s been a little boring without any dramas other than Hyunjin being dramatic over how his hair does not look good in any way, shape or form. That alone is enough for you to throw him off a cliff because since when does Hwang Hyunjin not look good?

Changbin asks. “Have you eaten?”

“Yes, I have. You’ve been asking the same question for five minutes straight.” You roll your eyes at him in the bitchiest way possible. 

He questions subconsciously, only to have you narrow your eyes at him. “You have work tomorrow, right?”

“Bin, you have my schedule. Of course, I have work tomorrow.” You utter in disbelief. 

“Can’t I just make up excuses to call my favorite girl?”

You make a gagging noise. “Cut the bullshit. Spill or I’m gonna whip out the big gun.” 

“And what is that?” He drawls the question in boredom. 

You grin at him coyly. “I’m gonna tell Chan to poison you with cilantro.” If Changbin had to choose between eating cilantro and jumping into a tank full of sharks, he’d definitely, without a second thought, sleep with those horrifying fishes with ridiculously deadly teeth. He hates cilantro with an ignited passion, and he’s entitled to that decision for the rest of his life. He’s sworn that he would never eat cilantro as long as he lives. 

“Fine,” Changbin huffs in defeat as he holds his phone up while lying on his bed. “I need your help.”

You twirl the end of your hair dreamily and acknowledge his request. “I like the sound of that, go on.” 

He shoots you a dirty look, proceeding to continue. “How do I get a girl to notice my feelings for her?” 

His words strike through your eardrums like a lightning bolt. You don’t know whether you should be crying or laughing because 1) Changbin was never the kind of guy to be interested in having a girlfriend, he has always kept his hands to himself since forever although girls were more than ready to throw themselves at him anytime, anywhere; 2) How come he has never talked to you about this? You feel utterly betrayed because the key to having a long-distance relationship is to not hide anything from each other. And he’s doing the exact opposite of that; 3) You don’t feel as happy for him as you’re supposed to and now you feel like a horrible friend. 

“Oh-my-god.” You gasp scandalously. “I’ve been waiting for this day to come my entire life! And it’s happening right in front of my eyes! It’s actually happening! Wait… did you already pop your cherries or…” When Changbin looks like he’s about to put your head on a stick, you quickly realize that you should have just focused on the topic. 

He fakes a smile. “And what day is that?” 

“The day that my best friend asks for relationship advice from me! To finally embrace the most amazing thing to happen in life, called ‘love’! Duh.” You prop your head onto your hand, blowing a few strands of hair out of your face. “So, who is she?” 

“I don’t know if you can really help me Y/N but she’s like 5,000 miles away from me right now—“

“What did you just say?” You cut him off unintentionally. “Is she an exchange student?”

“Yeah? You can say so..” He trails off and scratches the nape of his neck sheepishly. “We met on Tinder and got to see each other later at a uni conference, and she’s really—“

You cut him off again, this time, it’s intentional. “Run, just run away.”

“Why?” He looks at you weirdly. “You’re not making any sense right now.”

You chuckle creepily, making him shudder. He’s never seen you laughing in such a dark tone it makes him wonder if you’ve been possessed or not. “Running away is actually a smart move, my friend. Just get yourself out of the war before there’s blood on those precious fingers of yours. Exchange students get all the attention. Guys or girls, doesn’t matter. Students are gonna be attracted to them like a bunch of moths to a tiny spark of flame.”

“But, but—“

You stop him before he can even say something stupid. “No but. And a long-distance relationship too? Not ideal. You can’t just slide into her DMs and ask her to be with you when you’ve only met twice. Unless her feelings aren’t necessarily not mutual. But yeah, I doubt that.” 

“Whatever, I might as well just gonna fly home and watch some shitty movies with you instead.” Changbin purses his lips in boredom and runs a hand through his hair. “Do you wanna watch that zombie movie still? Zombieland right?” 

You nod eagerly because gosh, after months and months, he still remembers. It’s one of those little moments which perfectly showcases how much Changbin cares about you. Because unlike some people, he actually pays attention to what you’re saying. And you would be lying if you said that those little actions of his never made your heart tingle. They do, and it sucks. 

“Damn right, I’m pumped for the sequel, never really got the chance to watch it since college has been nothing but a bitch to me.” 

“You’re so fucking spoiled, Beastie.” He snickers, biting back a smile. But deep down, you can clearly see right through his facade and feel the slight disappointment in his brown eyes. Exchange student or not, if it’s what makes him happy, then you fully support his decision. And if that girl ever tries to pull a dirty move on him? You’ll hunt her down and sell her off to some random mafia organization. 

You laugh wholeheartedly, trying to lighten up the mood. “Listen, if you kept scrolling through Tinder, having a girlfriend wouldn’t be a problem. Because I’m pretty sure there’s not gonna be a single person who’d not swipe right.” 

Changbin cocks a brow. “Why not?”

“Because you’re hot as shit!”

He groans loudly at your bold statement, cheeks tinted pink in embarrassment. “Shut up, mom.” 

You smile cheekily at him. “Love you too, honey boo.”

two.

As much as you clown Changbin for using Tinder since the day he asked you for dating advice, you can’t help but think that you’re a little bit lonely without his company. Funny enough, you also found yourself scrolling through the infamous app for hours and hours until there’s a match. 

The only thing that’s funnier than Changbin asking dating advice from a total fetus than you is you talking big games to him when you haven’t even got laid, not even once. So obviously, you’re so close to pissing your pants as you dread the drive to your date, tremendously. 

“Since when did you even start using dating apps?” Yeji scrunches her nose in disapproval as she starts the engine. You both just finished watching ‘Dolittle’ since Robert Downey Jr. is an icon and you’re not planning on missing out on any of his movies. But that’s not the point because the point is, your roommate knows your impulsive ass too well. Meaning, she’s not letting your day end without giving you something to feel better about it. More straight forward-ly, she’s trying to lighten up your mood before your date can piss you off. 

You singsong, trying to wiggle yourself out of the situation. “Since Seo Changbin asked me about a girl.” You know Yeji just as well as how she knows you, so you’re taking advantage of her carelessness to bring up a whole new topic before she can lure you into ‘the talk’. 

Yeah, ‘the talk’, sounds scary enough if you’re thinking about that one awkward, intimate conversation with parents about how babies are made. You think it’s utterly useless since society is basically corrupted and kids these days are all over the place, watching porns left and right with their parents’ IDs. So having ‘the talk’ with Yeji is definitely not gonna be full of questionable statements in replacement for making love. 

As far as you know, she only forces someone into ‘the talk’ with her when they suddenly have some kind of romantic interest in another human being. Upon hearing that, she’s gonna be out and about, playing the role of God and telling people all of the do-s and don’t-s along with a detailed description of how she’s gonna drag that person to the very bottom of hell if they end up breaking their heart. You’re sure as hell that you’re not ready to talk about it with her. In other words, you’re not ready for her to torment you about some boy that you haven’t even met. 

“Seo Changbin, dating someone?” Yeji fakes a gasp. “Wow, tell me all about it.” 

You roll your eyes at her. “So you knew?” 

You don’t know why you’re even surprised anymore since Changbin tells Hyunjin everything who’d spill everything to Ryujin for their midnight gossip session who’d complain about it to Yeji later on. The cycle is fully completed before you even know it and that does not make you feel any less of a dumbass. 

“Duh,” She purses her lips before making a turn at the second intersection. “Listen, just enjoy your date, I’m not gonna tease you about it until you tell me how much of an asshole that guy is.” 

You sigh in relief, drowning into your seat like a jellyfish. “Thank God.”

“But,” Your roommate drawls the word for a painfully long time. “Can we just talk about how it’s such a shame? You and Changbin would make an extremely adorable couple, right? I kid you not.”

You choke on your own saliva, coughing furiously as your hand desperately tries to roll down the window for some fresh air, mainly for the heat that’s slowly creeping up on the apples of your cheeks. “Who would ship me and my best friend together? That sounds like every drama to ever exist. Ew.” Hissing at her like a snake, you repeatedly fan your face with the hope to rid off the annoying coral tint. 

Yeji narrows her eyes at you and quickly diverts her attention back on the road because no one is getting pulled over on a gorgeous Saturday night, at least not her. She still has to finish the last episodes of the drama she’s been fangirling over. “So you’re telling me that you’re not jealous when Changbin told you about other girls? You’re totally, absolutely, entirely okay with him hanging out with some random chick in Italy?” 

It makes your blood boil even more when she mentions the fact that yes, Changbin is having fun with someone who’s probably ten thousand times hotter than you in Europe, but you’re more pissed off at the fact that she’s always right. Of course, you’re fucking jealous, why wouldn’t you? You can’t even fathom the sheer fury that’s running through your veins. Your heart is pumping pure exasperation into your brain. Even your liver can’t filter such anger. You hate the idea of Changbin wrapping his arms around someone other than you so much you’d rather choke yourself to death than even glance at such sight. 

But, for the sake of a completely normal conversation, your mouth says otherwise. “Why not? He’s not my property, I don’t get to decide who he falls in love with. Moreover, he deserves someone he truly adores. That’s not my business for all I know.” 

“Liar,” Yeji smirks. “Enjoy your date all you want, Y/N. Try not to think about Changbin too much or your date’s gonna flip.”

Again, you can’t stress enough how annoying Hwang Yeji is because somehow, in which you still don’t know how, she can read your mind in a snap of a finger. So it’s no surprise for her to know that you’ve actually thought about dating your own best friend before. It sounds so cliché you might bury yourself alive if you accidentally slip one day and confess your stupid feelings for him. As if on cue, your sixth sense is currently tingling, trying to tell you that you will definitely make a fool of yourself as you try to elaborate on how you feel about Changbin. 

“What did I do to deserve you?” You sneer sarcastically at her as she parks her white Rover right in front of the restaurant. 

The moment you step out of her car, Yeji tosses you a look. “Don’t you dare trip on me Lee freaking Y/N, don’t even try it.”

“I’ll have Minho pick me up, now skittle outta here.” You grimace before shutting the door close. Turning on your heels, you inhale sharply and push the glass door open to enter what seems like literal hell on Earth for the next four hours or so. 

three.

Being on an actual date reminds you of why you never even use dating apps in the first place. 

The only part that prevents you from running away is that Yeji has his dating profile. She knows his number, his occupation, his face, and all that jazz because meeting strangers for the very first time and already eating out with them gives you every right to be paranoid. But you’re not gonna tell him that because you still respect him just fine. And in case he’s acting all sketch, you’re gonna make sure that he’s not going home in one piece. 

Okay, you can’t just blame Jaemin because he’s not an asshole. He really isn’t. He’s a nice guy in general: respectful, confident, and outgoing with a good sense of humor. Respectful? Checked. Confident? Checked. Good sense of humor? Checked. Outgoing? That’s the dealbreaker right there. You don’t hate him for it, it’s just he’s too outgoing for an introverted potato like you. 

Both Jaemin and Changbin have very strong personalities like every Leo should. You’re most definitely not an astrology nerd but you’re educated enough to know that Leos are dramatic, warm-hearted, passionate and impulsive. 

In which, Changbin makes you laugh your ass off until you can’t even breathe whenever he’s whining about you waking him up at 9 a.m. But you gave Jaemin nothing but a scrunch of your nose when he yelped out loud as his mashed potato was too hot. And you kindly offered to finish it for him after knowing that he can’t have dairy products. Changbin’s managed to get you out of the house every weekend even when it’s a simple trip to the mall and whereas, Jaemin makes you feel more of a voiceless being when he continuously brings up one topic after another at the literal speed of light. You almost miss how you can just throw out the most random sentence without being afraid of someone judging you. 

Clearly, Jaemin isn’t the one to blame here. 

Admittedly, it’s just a ‘you’ problem. 

And even more admittedly, it’s just because Na Jaemin is being himself, and will always be himself. He’s never gonna be, and will never be Seo Changbin. 

Seriously, what’s up with Changbin taking over your mind today?

“Do you perhaps wanna watch a movie after dinner— you’re not listening to me, aren’t you?” Jaemin stops mid-sentence when he catches your dreamy expression, for the fifth time that night. 

You quickly regain your composure and sigh in defeat. “Fine, you got me. Again.” Burying your face into your palms, you’re practically choking on your own frustration because you don’t wanna lash out on him just because he’s not your type. “Ugh, I’m sorry, okay? I’ve never been on a date with a stranger before. Who’d have thought talking on texts was so much easier?” 

Jaemin props his head on his hand and makes eye contact with you. He breaks it after a good five seconds to catch you off guard, slowly processing his current thoughts like a lawyer in court. “Let me guess, you’re in a long-distance relationship with someone but since they’ve been away for quite some time, you got bored. So that leads to you, drum rolls, hopping on Tinder to find a one night stand.” He closes in proudly, a triumphant smirk painted on his slightly chapped lips. 

For the first time after hours of dreading Minho to come and pick you up as soon as possible, you can finally let go and have a good laugh. It’s like the pressure of being on a date is gladly lifted off your shoulders and you feel like you’re just catching up with an old friend. Which is weird because Changbin— Would it kill to stop thinking about Changbin for once in your life you dumbhead?

“And how did you know that?” You smile at Jaemin, deciding to focus on him for the rest of the night so that he doesn’t think you’re disrespecting him. A date is still a date. Even when the feelings aren’t mutual, the amount of respect should be.

He slowly takes a sip of his water and chews on his steak after. “Not to be creepy but when you went to use the restroom, a notification showed up and I saw your lock screen. He looks like one of those hot SoundCloud rappers who manages to stay anonymous under their stage name even when they’re mad famous. You know, cool people making dope music without being too problematic like ‘real’ celebrities.” Jaemin says it with such admiration you’re nearly more than ready to rant about how talented of a music prodigy your best friend is. But for the sake of him being your best friend, you’re not gonna do that. Yet. 

“We’re not dating, just childhood best friends.” 

He wiggles his eyebrows at you with mischief laced in his brown eyes. “You have a thing for him then. Aha! I knew it! All best friends are obligated to be together, it’s an unwritten norm of the universe.” Wow, just when you thought that no one would know about your feelings for Changbin other than your annoying, chaotic friend group. 

“In my defense, he was the one who set that photo as my lock screen.” You grunt under your breath but don’t even try to hide it. “I shouldn’t have swiped right.”

“Be grateful that you did.” Jaemin inhales the last bits of his dish with satisfaction, dabbing the sauce on his lips away with a napkin. “Because not only am I paying for the meal, I’d love to meet up again to hear you ramble about the boy on your phone. As friends. Also because you totally saved my lactose intolerant ass back there.” He declares loud and clear, smiling from ear to ear. 

You roll your eyes at him in slight annoyance. “Fine, but I’m paying for the movie tickets.”

Jaemin extends his fist. “Frozen 2? I know a place that’s having it tonight.”

“You got it, broski.” You chuckle and bump your fist with his while your heart is yelling at you to get the fuck out of this restaurant because you’re about to suffocate yourself with the amount of painstakingly awkward silence that this place possesses. 

Before you even know it, you’re walking out of the Hilton Hotel with an empty bucket of popcorn in your arms as Jaemin hogs two cups of Coke which are left with nothing but ice cubes right beside you. It’s like the whole being too cautious thing that’s been driving you insane has disintegrated into literal dust. Watching a movie with Jaemin feels like you’re babysitting your non-existent little brother while your parents are out of town and Minho is bar-hopping with the guys. Except for the fact that he gave you his hoodie because the cinema’s ACs are ridiculously cold as always. But it’s really nice, actually, because although the date didn’t turn out how you expected it to be, you did make a new friend. 

That rarely happens so you’re definitely giving yourself a pat on the shoulder. 

“The plot was kinda messy, don’t you think?” You ask him after tossing the bucket into a nearby trash can. 

Jaemin nods in acknowledgment and swings an arm around your shoulder. “It was all over the place, I’m with you all the way. And Elsa in that purple dress too? Yikes.”

You laugh with him, continuing the conversation with much less ‘watch what you’re saying’ and more ‘actually enjoy the date for the sake of it’ until you both reach the parking lot. “Drive safe and text me when you’re home, okay?” You remind him like the bossy person that you are as you pull out your phone from your purse. 

“You’re not my mom.” Jaemin snickers and his fingers hover above the tips of his keys inside his pocket. “Wait, your brother’s picking you up right?”

[9:35 p.m.]

y/n | hey, pick me up already. 

meanhoe | sorry sis, I’m a bit occupied over here. 

meanhoe | just call a ride home or smth.

[9:36 p.m.]

y/n | LEE MINHO ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

y/n | do you have the slightest idea about how many serial killers are lurking the streets, waiting for girls like me to fall right into their traps?

meanhoe | paranoid.

[9:37 p.m.]

meanhoe | let me tell you about how Han Jisung is taking a nap on my lap rn.

meanhoe | in graphic details.

[9:38 p.m.]

y/n | or I can just tell you about that time when mom and dad found you right next to a trash can on a sidewalk instead? 

y/n | it’s a very lovely story, trust me.

[9:39 p.m.]

meanhoe | ugh, what do you want?

y/n | nothing, Jaemin will drive me home.

y/n | goodnight.

[ 9:40p.m. ]

meanhoe | hey! I can make it up to you still!

y/n | I SAID GOODNIGHT.

You toss your phone back into your purse in pure disappointment. And with a prolonged sigh, you turn to Jaemin. “He abandoned me. Can you give me a ride home?”

He cackles at the scowl on your face and gestures you towards the seat next to the shotgun window. “Hop in.”

four.

“Wow,” Minho utters. “Just wow.” 

“It’s you again, why am I still surprised at this point?” 

He grins coyly and slips the keys into his pocket before running a hand through his bed head. Chuckling creepily, he watches as Changbin struggles to roll both of his suitcases across the bumpy surface of your front porch. “You left my sister crying with a bucket of ice-cream for Italy. How does that feel? You know, to finally be free from her ?” Minho inquires with an amused smile. “But on a serious note, she missed you, very much so. Did you even tell her about this?

“Minho, it’s supposed to be a surprise. Do I have to translate ‘surprise’ into whatever the fuck of a language that all snakes speak in general or you’re fully capable of doing that yourself? Also, it would be so incredibly kind and generous of you to actually comprehend my messages.” 

Minho chuckles and leans back against the wall comfortably. “Why not move back here then? Aren’t you done with your degree already? Or did Italy blind you with their good food and hot girls? You’re quite qualified to be my roommate.” He drags the last part. “Just wish you didn’t have to give me that attitude whenever I’m trying to start a civil conversation.” 

Changbin scoffs at him, clearly uninterested. And Minho’s definition of a civil conversation just concerns him even more. “I have enough qualities to be your roommate? Let me guess, smart ?” 

“Secretly a nerd.” Minho tuts. 

Changbin shoots him a dirty look. “Composed?”

“I’d say indifferent and stubborn.” 

“Brave enough to kill some stupid bugs for you?” 

Minho rolls his eyes. “More like painstakingly reckless.”

“You literally fell off the couch when Jeongin accidentally popped a balloon with his pen.” 

A smirk blooms on his lips. “But you gave him an entire lecture about why he shouldn’t bring pens to a party. Inspiring leadership.”

“Looks good in black?”

Minho looks unimpressed. “Everyone looks good in black you moron.”

“Then why the fuck are you trying to pull me into your system?!” Changbin throws his hands upwards, a frustrated groan escapes his lips. “You know I hate commitments. They give me anxiety. Especially when it involves you.” Which is not entirely correct because he did have a date last week or should have had a date last week. He was so close to pissing himself in the middle of a Michelin rated restaurant. But lucky him, his date flaked out on him before he could start having a full-on mental breakdown inside the restroom. 

A glint of curiosity ignites in Minho’s orbs. “Because you absolutely have no life whatsoever.” He starts calmly, going back and forth within the limited space of the hallway. “And don’t even get me started about your love life. It’s drier than Chan’s attempt at making macarons. Oh and remind me, did your goldfish die or did you kill him? Did he die or was he killed? Or was it both?” He taunts further, and further, and further until he’s hanging on that weird borderline between having Changbin lunge at him like a predator and succeeding at luring him back to Seoul. “I’m being as kind as my mind can possibly allow without a drop of caffeine so you better take it while you’re at it.”

Changbin is fuming with nothing but pure anger. He’s so fucking close to crush every single strand of liveliness left inside of the man in front of him until he turns white like a complete ghost. But he’s also convinced that Lee Minho is just a non-biological heir of the Angel of Death. Hence, getting rid of him is impossible. “Come over here and make me.” Crossed arms, he’s determined to not leave the city without at least throwing a punch at Minho’s ridiculously perfect face. 

“What are you? Four?”

Changbin stops himself from throwing hands at him and turns on his heels. “Nothing, it’s just that I don’t really like you all that much.” He makes his way to the kitchen, tossing his black beanie onto the counter. 

“Yeah, me neither.”

He protests triumphantly. “See?”

“Listen up you man child,” Minho grits and walks behind him through the living room, passing by a hungover Jisung with Woojin on top of him at an unusually persistent pace that seems to cover up the bubbling anger inside his stomach. “Would you stop what you’re doing and listen to me when I’m trying to prove my own point? I’ve known you for all my life—“

Changbin interrupts him. “Those times when you passed by me at the library and made fun of me for studying for finals in high school? Doesn’t count.”

Minho hides behind a rather cheerful voice, his stare colder than an ex-wife’s fighting for custody over her child in court. “That doesn’t matter! Y/N went out with some guy last night and even let him drive her home. I don’t even know if she’s okay or not since she wouldn’t pick up for the past hour. And I just can’t let those two idiots at home alone, completely unaware of their surroundings.” Changbin shoots him a weird look and he quickly brushes it off with a click of his tongue. “Don’t ask.” 

Changbin chokes on the can of Coke that he just grabbed from the fridge. “Wait, so she’s not here?”

“She moved in with Yeji months ago in an apartment near college, didn’t she tell you ?”

“No?” He raises a brow. “And what date? Who? How? Where? When?” 

Changbin’s starting to panic a little bit because if you were to be on a date, you’d most likely hide in the restroom just to text him for a good five minutes. Very much like him. Anyway, he’s also quite concerned about the fact that you didn’t reply to Minho’s texts all morning. Maybe he’s overthinking again but he knows that you’ve forced yourself to be a morning person even when it’s the holiday since you don’t wanna dread bringing back your old habits when a new semester hits. 

Minho drums his fingers against the dining table. “Who? Some boy called Jaemin? How? Tinder. Where? The Hilton Hotel. When? Last night until almost 10 I believe.”

Now Changbin’s fully entered panic mode because since when did you even use Tinder? And not tell him about it too? What if you’re already kidnapped and sold to some creepy people from China to make profits off your organs? “That’s it. Give me her address, I’ll go.” He drops his backpack onto the floor and grabs his coat, downing the last few drops of his beverage in a rush. As soon as Minho texts him your address, Changbin dashes straight through the front door like a tornado to the point that it has Woojin facepalming himself on Minho’s dad’s old carpet. 

“My job here is done.” Minho cracks his knuckle and takes a seat at his family’s dining table, picking up his phone only to receive a text from you. 

[8:23 a.m.]

y/n | ugh, is your friend gonna come over to pick up the speaker or what? it’s been fifteen minutes.

y/n | and what’s his name again? Jackson?

meanhoe | yeah, he’ll be there in ten.

meanhoe | eat a chill pill sis, I’m in charge.

five.

You frown furiously at the series of messages that you and your brother have been sending each other for the past ten minutes. Something smells fishy, and you can already see that stupid, self-indulging smirk spread across his face without him being right next to you. But then again, no one really knows what’s going on inside that disturbing glimpse of thing called ‘a brain’ inside his head because magically, and spontaneously, everything works out whenever he’s in charge. 

Except when he’s in the kitchen with Jisung and Hyunjin as his cannot-be-anymore-useless vice-cooks, aka when they’re holding onto each other for dear life the moment Minho cracks an egg onto a heated pan with oil boiling along the edges. 

“Ugh, Yeji! It’s supposed to be your turn to do laundry, you ass.” You repeatedly hit your roommate’s sleeping figure with a pillow, slightly mad at the fact that she’s still in bed when you’re done with grocery shopping. Sometimes you wonder if her only talent is sleeping through earthquakes. Maybe that’s how she has mad stamina and can still do a decent thirty minutes of cardio after dance practice. 

Yeji mumbles nonsense into her pillow and slaps your hand away only to bury herself under the wool blanket again. It takes every strand of energy left inside of you to pull the soft fabric over her head and onto the floor it goes. “Why are you making such a fuss out of me forgetting to do laundry ?” She sits up grudgingly like a zombie digging itself up from its own grave and yawns obnoxiously. 

You blink numerous times at her in disbelief. “Uhm, hello? Because I don’t have anything to wear? And also, FYI, it’s almost ten, okay? Wake up Sleeping Beauty. Prince Charming isn’t available today.” 

“Shut the fuck up!” She whines loudly before dropping onto her backside in defeat. “You’ve never binge-watched any dramas before, you’d never get it.” Hey, it’s not your fault she chose to stay up until 3 a.m. for a stupid drama. You’re not gonna tolerate her complaints about migraines after having lunch, not this time. 

“Besides,” She glances at you before throwing an arm over her head dramatically. “You look good in that hoodie, where did you get it?” 

You grab various pieces of clothing dangling off of her bed and her beige-colored computer chair as you ponder about your life choices. “Na Jaemin, who else? God, and I need to give it back to him too.” 

Yeji teases. “Are you making an excuse to meet him again?”

“We didn’t click, that’s all I have to say.” A smirk finds its way to your lips. “I basically adopted him now, so yes, I am making an excuse to meet him again because a mother has every right to see their son.” 

“You’re so weird.” Your roommate purses her lips before turning her back against you. 

You scroll through your feed in pure boredom. “What do you want for lunch? Wait, it’s too early for lunch, what about brunch?”

“Anything will do.” Yeji shrugs, not even trying to get out of bed when it’s already 9 a.m. So naturally, you’re already facepalming yourself at her questionable sleeping habits. 

Now, where is that guy Jackson?

As if on cue, your doorbell rings. You’re dead meat to me. You roll up your sleeves and put on your ‘formally serious’ face before grabbing the tote bag right beside your couch. Without even checking who’s there through the peephole, you swing the door open in a rush. “Look, Jackson, I’m really not in the mood to invite you inside for tea nor biscuits so just take the speaker and—“

“Y/N, I don’t need a speaker, stop bombarding me with information that my brain can’t even comprehend. And who the hell is Jackson?” Changbin puts his hands up as if you’re holding him at gunpoint. And you almost laugh out loud at how he looks like he just found out Trump is president, he— wait, Changbin’s here?

You subconsciously drop the speaker without noticing that you might break something before Jackson actually gets here. “You came back?!” Your mouth automatically goes agape, utterly speechless. 

“Of course, why wouldn’t I?” He chuckles when you crash yourself into his embrace as an attempt to hide your teary eyes. Meeting Changbin in person again feels like a rollercoaster full of mixed emotions, you have so many things to say but nothing comes out right. Maybe it’s best if you just keep your mouth shut for the time being. 

And thank God he still smells the same and doesn’t shower himself in ridiculously expensive cologne like other guys because you’d disown him if he starts smelling like a Tommy Hilfiger store. Changbin gently wraps his arms around your waist, rocking you from side to side. “You missed me that much huh?” Suddenly tongue-tied, he’s officially lost the ability to form a proper sentence when you hold onto him so tightly, so desperately. 

When you pull away, you don’t even know what to say when so many things are running through your mind at the speed of light. After all those years, he’s changed. Yes, people change. But Changbin changed, for the better. He looks impeccable even in a simple black t-shirt with a grey bomber jacket thrown over his figure. Wait, has he been hitting the gym? You swear, last time you saw him he was five times smaller. His jawline can now cut you too apparently. Years of friendship and you just found out your best friend is an actual health freak. 

“As if..” You sniffle into the crook of his neck, tears continuously streaming down on your cheeks. Eventually, you give in. “Fine, I did miss you.” 

Changbin laughs wholeheartedly, sending vibration throughout your entire body. “Missed you too, Beastie.”  And it’s there again, that fuzzy feeling tickling the pit of your stomach. It feels wrong, and your heart knows that too well. To the point that you’re afraid of your own feelings for him, that you’d hurt him, or he’d hurt you. You just can’t decide if confessing to him is worth the risk of destroying your friendship forever. But it’s most definitely not. Maybe it’s better this way. 

“Wait,” Changbin scrunches his nose and pulls away. “You smell like a guy.” Then something rings a bell inside of him. “Right, you went on a date with some cute boy without telling me? Explain yourself.” 

You scratch the nape of your neck sheepishly, slightly embarrassed. “Well… long story short, I got bored and downloaded Tinder. He was cute, but not compatible.” 

“There you are, what took you so long?” Yeji pops her head out of her bedroom, almost giving you a heart attack. 

You toss her a look. “What do you mean ‘what took you so long? Did you know? Again ?” And she nods apologetically. “Why the fuck do I feel so left out right now? Are you guys setting me up for something sketchy? Who’s in charge?” 

“Your brother, obviously.” 

You step aside so that Changbin can walk into your living room before shutting the front door closed. “Zip it, he’s adopted.” 

six.

Kim Woojin, as always, throws his annual ‘welcome back’ BBQ party whenever someone returns from a long trip for a fairly long time. Of course, he would never leave Changbin hanging. 

Which, also means you’re obligated to accept the fact that he just single-handedly dragged you out of your apartment with the most minimal of physical effort. So now you’re stuck inside his stupid kitchen, with your siblings (no not Minho, not that heathen), potatoes. You look so incredibly alike your brother might actually be whatever with the harsh truth that you can’t stop taunting him about how he’s adopted. 

Anyway, because you’ve always been terrified about the thought of accidentally having your sleeves caught on fire, Chan just shooed you back inside to work on the potato salad. And the worst part of making a potato salad? Peeling the skin. Seriously, you’d marry someone who invented an automatic potato peeler, that’d be godsend privilege. 

The saying goes : ‘When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade’. Likewise, but in your case, it’s : ‘When life makes you cook, get yourself a best friend who’s good at it instead’. Problem solved. Changbin might not be as great as *snorts* Minho, but he did manage to survive multiple months in Italy without spending too much money eating out when he’s very, absolutely, entirely financially capable of doing that for the rest of his life. He appreciates home-cooked food because of the process, the time, the effort, the love that every family member (or one family member) put into the dishes. And it may not be something that’s Gordon Ramsay-approved, but gathering around at the same table gives people the chance to catch up, to communicate, to care more. 

And what does that mean? Well, that means when Changbin, fortunately, makes it out of the war zone in Woojin’s backyard where Hyunjin is chasing Jisung with a dead spider between his metal tong, he finds out that he just, in fact, got himself into another disaster. Bits of potatoes’ skin is everywhere, scattered randomly from the kitchen aisle to the wooden cutting board. Bottles of mayonnaise and mustard are lying lifelessly across the dining table, saucing dripping from the opened caps. And jars of different spices look like they just got dumped into one big bucket, mixed together, and then carefully divided them evenly into each one again. Changbin is utterly alarmed right now and he can’t decide whether he should be helping you or just run away. But since it’s you, he can’t simply turn on his heels and leave because chances are, you’re gonna fucking stab him in his sleep. 

“Woah, who did you kill ?” He gasps, taking slow strides toward your figure standing at the kitchen aisle. 

You blow a few strands of loose hair out of your face, crying dramatically. “My sanity, it’s long gone.” You tell him as you try to stir the mixture of mayonnaise, paprika, apple cider vinegar, celery seeds, mustard, and sweet pickle relish in a stainless steel bowl with a wooden spoon, trying hard not to ruin Jaemin’s favorite hoodie. “And if you’re not planning on giving me a hand, then the exit is right that way. No one’s stopping you.” 

Changbin shakes his head at you in disapproval for a hot minute before pulling your hair free from the loose bun, accidentally dousing himself in the more than familiar scent of your shampoo. Fresh, and a bit pepperminty, he missed this so much it’s starting to get creepy. Basically his heart just swells, but he’s gonna choose to be in denial like usual. “Better get your hair out of your face first.” He says and effortlessly puts your messy, black mop of hair into a high ponytail. It’s not like he hasn’t done this before because Changbin tends to play with your hair a lot while you’re both on a Netflix marathon. But this time, you didn’t know what it was, but the moment the tips of his fingers brushed past your bare skin, they sent electricity down your spine and goosebumps rose on your skin. The fact that your little heart feels like it’s running on a treadmill for hours doesn’t make it easier to deny how much he can affect you without even trying.

“Why are you still wearing that hoodie ?” Changbin points out, confused. 

You answer monotonously, still mad at your roommate. “Because Yeji forgot to do laundry. So I have nothing to wear.” You hate her even more now because she’s probably gonna be out and about, going to questionable parties with Ryujin until dawn and asking for a cup of water when she gets back home on your bean bag chair. “I’m gonna have to return it to Jaemin soon.” 

Changin snickers. “Yeah, you better.” He finishes chopping up the hard-boiled eggs, celery, sweet onions, and fresh dill, dropping the ingredients into the dressing that you just made. 

“So,” You walk over to the dining table to grab the bowl of chopped potato. “How did your date go? Was she cute or did she look like a potential serial killer? Wait, serial killers can look cute.” You shiver at the thought of losing your best friend in some foreign country because someone can literally be kidnapped in a span of fifteen to twenty seconds. So you don’t see the point of being ashamed about always being paranoid. 

Changbin helps you pour the dressing over the potato before stirring the goodness together with a wooden spoon. “Ah, that,” He scratches the nape of his neck sheepishly. “She’s okay I guess. But you never know, talking over text is always easier.” 

You decide to let Changbin finish up the dish and grab some paper towels to wipe down the table and counter. “So you guys never met up ?”

He looks hesitant to tell you. “Technically, we were gonna see each other every day because of the internship but I guess no? Our schedules aren’t exactly compatible. Maybe I’ll just ask her out again when I fly back.” 

You stop cleaning up the mess on the kitchen aisle and turn your attention onto your best friend. He’s nibbling on his bottom lips, guilt is evident in his eyes. 

“What internship?” You ask. 

seven.

Seo Changbin used to have ( and still has ) a soft spot for you. And everyone knows that all too well. 

He wasn’t kidding when he said that you’re his favorite girl. He wasn’t kidding when he said that he’d take a bullet for you. But you kinda wish that he was because falling in love with your childhood best friend just sounds so wrong on so many levels altogether. Jaemin night be right, it is written in the stars for some people to fall in love with their best friend but that life is not for you. There’s just something about the idea of Changbin and you as lovers that twists an immediate knot in your stomach. Sometimes you wish he doesn’t have to be so affectionate towards you so that you can give up on the one thing that’s holding you back : false hope. 

He would always drag you out of bed in the middle of the night to watch the stars and talk with him even when you guys were practically inseparable. Your group of friends constantly tells you that Changbin could never keep his hands to himself when it comes to you but realistically, he’s just a secretly clingy person who loves cuddling. But those little moments where you guys were sharing the same bed, snuggling into each other’s presence like it’s the last sense of comfort in the entire world were the ones you cherish the most. They can make you smile stupidly to yourself all day. 

And Changbin never failed to surprise you too. He once made the whole fancy breakfast in bed with flowers that only happens in movies and you couldn’t stop talking about it. Even ‘till this day, you still can’t shut up about it. He only brushed it off and told you that he wanted to spoil you since it’s your birthday but you took it as something much more than just a birthday present. Because those little actions of his are what set your heart on fire and you feel like it could combust anytime if he keeps looking at you so tenderly all the time.

Changbin isn’t a man of many words because he truly believes that actions speak louder than words. At least for him, his actions are much more powerful than his words. But that doesn’t mean his words never had any kind of effect on you. Because they did, greatly. You still remember how you’d always wake him up in the middle of the night because your stupid brain cells decided to give you a mental breakdown after bottling feelings up for so long. But Changbin didn’t just scold you for keeping everything to yourself, he did something else much more magical and much more comforting than any advice you could ever have. 

He’s written plenty of songs for you before, and you can still vividly hear the familiar melodies every now and then whenever you’re in a really dark place. 

It felt like a tight hug when you were all alone and in distress. But what sucks is that it makes you miss him even more. Where in the world is he? What is he doing? Does he have a decent life? Moreover, is he happy? You were always worried sick about Changbin because he’s that type of guy who works his ass off for things that he’s passionate about but he’d be willing to do something else for others because he doesn’t want to hurt anyone. Hence, upon hearing about him turning down an internship just to fly back, you didn’t know what to say or think. 

You yell at Changbin. “Are you out of your mind?!” 

He huffs in disbelief. “I’m a fully grown man who has every right to make my own decisions so I chose to visit my friends instead of torturing myself inside a studio. Yeah, sue me!”

“Do you have any idea how many opportunities and chances that internship would bring? There’s no need for you to do that just because of us!”

Changbin points out snarkily. “Well, you were the one who decided to call me at 3 a.m. every single day, complaining about your insomnia and shit.”

You gasp scandalously. “Why are you even saying that? It’s like you don’t even know me! I’m trying to put your benefits before mine, why is it so hard to understand that? Are you trying to say that I’m the bad guy in this conversation?”

“Maybe you are,” He says through gritted teeth. “Likewise, I’m trying to put my friends first instead of locking myself up within four soundproof walls twenty-four hours a day, five days a week, until spring break is over. You are being fucking ridiculous!” 

You’re slightly taken aback when Changbin had the audacity to say such things. Why is he still so fucking stubborn? “I’m the one who’s being ridiculous? Me trying to not get my best friend's talent wasted, me trying to not have my best friend make the rest of his break go wack because all we do here is apparently get drunk, eat, sleep, and repeat. That, is being ridiculous ?” You let out a humorless laugh. “Well, if I need to keep on doing that in order to keep you on track with your dream, then I fucking will.”

He hisses at you. “What are you? My mom? I’m a fully grown adult for fuck’s sake!” 

“Yes, I am technically your mom since the day you threw up on my dress in kindergarten. I even wiped your puke off of your face, you ungrateful brat.” 

“Uhm guys, you might wanna tone it down..” Felix tries to cool off the situation since he doesn’t really enjoy eating dinner while two people are continuously throwing daggers at each other with their eyes. 

Another thing, no matter how whipped you are for Seo Changbin, there’s still this little demonic part in your heart that screams to strangle the light out of his eyes every single day. Even back then, you guys bickered like there’s no tomorrow without a care in the world. Fortunately, your problems were always quick to be resolved because you just could never bring yourself to hate him even when you wanted to. He’s just that contagious, never fails to put a smile on your face nonetheless. 

So naturally, it’s ten minutes into the BBQ party in Woojin’s backyard and you’re more than ready to fight him. Metaphorically, not literally because you’re too utterly soft for him anyway. 

“Shh, shh,” Minho easily shushes Felix up with his index finger over his lips. “Lix, keep it down, the Petty Olympics is just getting started.” 

Jeongin purses his lips. “You’re such a snake, did you know that?” He’s obnoxiously chewing on the slices of grilled steak that Chan just took off the iron rack. Like Felix, he wishes to enjoy dinner in peace but that has not happened for quite some time and he’s already sick of it. 

Minho rolls his eyes at the younger boy with nothing but disgust in his eyes. “Wow, what a truly shocking revelation, Jeongin. It’s for the irony, sarcasm is needed in order for my joke to work.” He sips on the glass of whiskey in front of him like how he simply sips on his coworkers’ complaints about their relationships every morning. “Now run along, grab your monthly paycheck and buy yourself a sense of humor.” 

Jisung snickers. “Wow, is he mean today—“ 

You cut Jisung off unintentionally, huffing with such determination. “Don’t ever talk to me again.”

Changbin says casually. “It’s not like I want to.”

“I will break you.” You give him your best death glare.

He tips his imaginary hat with a smirk tugged on his lips. “If that’s what makes you happy, then I certainly cannot wait for it, Little Mistress.”

eight.

It’s the second time you’re hanging out with Jaemin and still, you can’t bring yourself to develop any non-platonic feelings for him. Do you really want to date him? Not really. Again, he’s not a bad guy. In fact, girls can just pass by you both walking by the Han River and they’re already eyeing him up and down like an expensive piece of steak. 

Maybe it’s something about trying to push Changbin out of your mind for once in your life. Or it can be something about the fact that he actually has some kind of romantic interest in his Tinder date. Or you’re just being ridiculous and totally overthinking the situation. 

It’s sad, but you’ll have to accept it sooner or later. You see Jaemin as nothing but a friend, and a little brother because he’s funny, respectful, and everything you can ask for in a guy. But, at the end of the day, he’s just not Changbin. 

And although you’re madly in love with your best friend, it seems like Jaemin gets you and manages to keep your mind off of him for the day so that you don’t end up crying alone in one of the bathroom stalls. You can’t be any more thankful. 

“You seriously didn’t have to watch ‘Dolittle’ twice just because of me,” Jaemin tells you as you both stand at the front door of the movies, hugging his bucket of popcorn closer to his stomach. 

You smile at him. “Robert Downey Jr. is worth watching any movie twice. That’s why I’m still not over the Endgame depression phase because I may or may not watch it one too many times.” 

He rolls his eyes at you and proceeds to throw his garbage away. “Crybaby.” Then, he wraps his arm around your shoulder and walks you towards the entrance. “I had fun tonight. Thanks, Y/N, it means a lot. Should I walk you home?”

“I don’t see why you shouldn’t.” You answer cheekily. 

Jaemin teases, “Because your boyfriend might show up and punch me in the face?” 

“Shut up! He’s not my boyfriend!”

“Woah, I didn’t even say who it was. You’re so whipped for him.”

You elbow him in the stomach, earning a low grunt from him as a response. “I shouldn’t have given you your hoodie back. I should have burnt it or something.”

He wiggles his eyebrows at you, holding onto the paper bag that you brought tightly. “No, keep it if you want to. You look good in it.” 

Before you can even clap-back at him with a witty retort, your phone vibrates inside your pocket. “Sorry, someone texted me.”

[ 9:23p.m. ]

meanhoe | Y/N WHERE ARE YOU?!

meanhoe | SOMEONE BROKE INTO OUR HOUSE!

meanhoe | I’m upstairs rn, but there were some sketchy sounds earlier. I think they’re in our kitchen.

meanhoe | Bin’s still in the living room!

meanhoe | COME HOME!!

Oh. My. God. 

nine.

“Changbin, pick up, pick up,” You murmur and keep pacing back and forth at your parents’ front porch, frantically fumbling with your phone in your hands. “Goddamnit just pick up!” You groan out of frustration when you can’t even open the door because it’s locked, and Changbin’s not doing a great job at responding to your calls either. Which can only mean one thing, he’s being held hostage inside along with your brother and the intruder’s probably confiscated their phones. 

You’d take a bullet for Changbin if that’s the last thing you could do for him. There are no words to fathom how important he is to you, so now instead of thinking of how to save his ass, you’re stupidly, foolishly thinking back to high school where he would always eat lunch with you whenever Minho’s too caught up with practice, where you both would lie under an ugly tree at the very back of your school’s enormous backyard, trying to do homework and dozing off five minutes after. Changbin’s been with you through thicks and thins, with all of your ups and downs. His lack of doubt for you was what helped you survive those horrendous years and you’ve decided that you’re not gonna let go of him, not in this life. 

Therefore, you’re about to do something dumb. That something is going to prevent your best friend from getting murdered. But the chances of getting your head blown into bits are undeniably high too. That wouldn’t matter now, would it? If the intruder dares to tick you off, he best believes that you’re gonna fucking take him down with you. 

Mustering all of the courage you have left, slowly, your fingers hover over the doorknob, the other on the wooden surface, ready to bang on it like a crazy person. You inhale sharply and close your eyes. 3..2..1..

The door suddenly swings open, causing you to stagger forward and your eyes widen in panic. “Y/N? What the hell?” Changbin catches you in time and frowns furiously at your soaked figure. Your hair and clothes are doused with rain, the tips of your fingers as cold as ice from staying outside for so long. You flutter your eyes open at his words, mouth grows agape when you find out that your current position can’t be any more awkward. 

Great, now what?

Wait, where’s the intruder? “Are you okay?!” You mindlessly throw yourself at him, holding onto him so tightly like he’s gonna disintegrate into thin air once you let him go. Blood is roaring inside your ears, your heart is picking up its pace as you have so many questions, so many things to say but.. he seems pretty okay? “Is Minho okay too? Where is he? Why didn’t you pick up my calls? Why was the door locked?” 

Changbin pulls away softly to prevent you from hearing his heart thumping vigorously inside of his rib cage, eyes as wide as a goldfish’s. “What? Minho’s downtown today to meet up with his old friend who’s studying abroad. Didn’t he tell you?” 

“No?” You knit your brows together and take a full ten seconds to process what just happened. Why do you feel like you just got played? 

He closes the door and walks you inside. “And why the hell do you look like a wet rat? Did you just walk home? Weren’t that Jaemin guy supposed to drive you instead?” You purposely ignore his questions and continue to piece the little amount of information that you have together. But once you throw a glance at your parents’ living room, you see a box of fresh, piping hot Hawaiian pizza with ‘Fast and Furious’ playing on the forty-eight inches TV. With that, everything makes sense. 

You ran home as fast as you possibly could, under the rain when it’s dark outside all alone and this is how your brother repays you? 

“Wow,” You utter, somewhat lightheaded. “I need to sit down.” You tell Changbin when he comes back with a white fluffy, towel. He clicks his tongue in annoyance, wordlessly bringing the towel to your head as an attempt to dry off your hair. You’re startled by his sudden affection, cheeks growing pink as you avoid eye contact. 

Changbin caresses your cheekbone gently as if you’re far too fragile for him to touch and you just play dumb by batting your eyelashes repeatedly to shake the droplets of rain away. He quickly snaps out of it, taken aback by his own action. “Would you care to tell me what happened before I put you on trial?” He says with his arms crossed.

Your blood slowly boils as you choke on your own exasperation.“Minho told me that someone broke into our house and basically held you hostage. So I rain-checked on Jaemin, ran home only to find you in one piece with a pizza while watching ‘Fast & Furious’.” You hide your face behind your palms in sheer embarrassment as Changbin cackles his ass off in his annoyingly adorable laughter that makes you crack up every time. 

He throws his head back and continues to laugh wholeheartedly, holding onto his stomach for dear life. “He got you good, wow. So much for supporting his sister’s second date. I’m sure he just wants to make sure that you’re home before twelve.” 

“HE COULD HAVE JUST PICKED ME UP HIMSELF! HELLO?” You throw your hands in the air, huffing. You swear to God, Minho’s dead meat to you tomorrow morning. Your brother knows your feelings for Changbin all too well and he’s just doing everything he can to kick Jaemin out of your love life but the irony here is Jaemin was never there in the first place. But, Minho’s an evil mad genius so he still succeeded in pushing you back to Changbin when you’re trying to avoid him the most. Props to him, you’re now stuck inside a house with your best friend because your parents are currently going on vacation in Bora Bora. 

That wouldn’t be a problem unless you’re madly in love with him. But you are, and it sucks. 

You exclaim, smacking Changbin’s arm, causing him to whine loudly. “Would you stop laughing? I was scared that you’re gonna get murdered!” 

In a split second, he pulls you flushed against him, rocking you back and forth as he ruffles your hair. When the vibration of his chuckle emits from his chest just makes your heart skip a beat. Changbin’s never been the cheesy, romantic type like Hyunjin but sometimes he does these things that just messes up your heart more as if it’s not already all over the place. 

“Come on, Beastie, go change your clothes. I wouldn’t wanna cuddle with a sick person.” 

ten.

One shower and five minutes later, you’re on the sofa right beside Changbin with your head rested comfortably on his shoulder. The first episode of ‘The Umbrella Academy’ is blaring clamorously on your dad’s TV as your eyelids grow heavy, hanging on the edge of shutting before your favorite character even pops up. 

Changbin notices your sleepiness and pulls the wool blanket closer to your body, high enough to cover the rest of your shoulders as you snuggle into the crook of his neck. He pouts at the box of pizza and two empty bottles of Henny before playing with your hair, braiding a small section of it in boredom. He’s definitely not the type to rewatch any shows but since you’re just so pumped for the second season, you insisted that you two should binge-watch season one all over again. Obviously, he doesn’t see the point because he already knows everything, how does rewatching it has anything to do with getting him ready for the next season? Besides, you’re already falling asleep when it’s only ten minutes into the episode. 

But is Changbin gonna let you sleep in peace just like that after all those years of you waking him up at an ungodly hour? Nope. 

“Hey,” He nudges you with his elbow. “They said there wouldn’t be a second season.” 

You jolt up from your sleepy state, eyes shooting open in utter surprise and disappointment. “Wait what?! Why not?!” You cry out dramatically, hands batting in midair like a madwoman as if they’re looking for something to hold onto. Soon enough, you plop yourself back onto the couch in defeat, letting the alcohol take over your entire body. You can already feel it kicking in as your limbs grow lighter and so does your mind. Gosh, you just wish you weren’t so lightweight. 

Changbin chuckles at you, caressing your hair softly. He pulls you closer to him by your shoulder and takes in your scent like it’s the last sense of comfort on Earth. “You’re so cute when you’re drunk, did you know that?” He studies your features closely, quickly realizing how much he must matter to you for you to show this vulnerable side to him so casually. Giddiness is an understatement for the way that his heart just beats ten times faster, the way his arms hold you close so gently but so tightly at the same time. In this cracked darkness with the insufficient source of light from the TV screen, you’re so beautiful it takes the breath right out of his lungs. You seem too serene to be true, eyes closed, lips slightly agape it makes him wonder how it feels to seal his with yours. 

As if on cue, your favorite character appears on time and you swat the sleepiness away, pointing at the screen with half-open eyes. “Five! He’s so cute, can I adopt him, please?” You giggle and show him those infamous puppy eyes. Changbin can never resist it’s actually frustrating. 

“Yes, you can adopt a serial killer who knows how to travel through time, absolutely.” Changbin facepalms himself. “Honestly, what do you even see in him?” 

“He’s smart and funny, and a total badass. I like how he never sugarcoats things and stays true to himself. But, he also puts others before himself without expecting them to do the same thing back. His actions speak louder than his words because there are countless times where he saved his siblings although he talks to them as if he sees them as nothing more than a bunch of assholes. I admire him in so many ways although he’s just a fictional character. And you know why?” You cock your head sideways, leaning closer. “Because he kinda reminds me of you.” 

Changbin tenses up at the last part. “W-What?” 

The ‘sober Y/N’ would never be brave enough to tell him what you’re planning on saying next. “I love you, Bin. I know that I might not act like I give a fuck, but I genuinely care about you. You mean the world to me.” You blurt mindlessly, hiccuping into his ears. “I really do love you. I just never got the courage to say it.” You hum and toppling over his figure on top of the couch, your legs straddling his. 

“We can’t.” Changbin places his index finger on your lips to stop you from decreasing the distance. “You’re not thinking straight right now.” 

You pull back, frowning. “Why? Because I’m not sober? What do my feelings for you have anything to do with alcohol?” You’re not mad, but rather curious. Either way, you can’t seem to get mad at Changbin for more than ten seconds. 

“I- I don’t wanna hurt you.” He stutters and stops as he sees the heartbroken look in your eyes. It hurts even more because deep down, the sober part in you knows that you’d never fathom enough courage to actually tell him how you feel. And you also know that you’ve just potentially fucked up more than ten years worth of friendship. Changbin’s warm brown eyes stare at you with nothing but pure sincerity. “It’s like I’m taking advantage of you in this kind of state. It’s not right. You don’t deserve to be treated like that.” He brushes your hair out of your face and sighs. 

“Bin, you respect me like no one else does. You know it. I know it. We know it. You’re my best friend.” 

“That’s the problem.” He pulls you closer while rubbing little circles on your back. “Promise me that we’ll never change, yeah?” 

You wrap your hands around his neck, a tear threatening to fall from the corner of your eye. “Yeah..promise.” 

“Y/N, you didn’t do anything wrong.” He reassures you as a confirmation, standing up from the couch that he’s been occupying for too long. You keep your gaze low, unable to meet his eyes as you’re ashamed of your own action. You shouldn’t have done that. What were you thinking for fuck’s sake?

Changbin turns off the TV before guiding you towards the stairs in the dark, holding onto your waist tightly enough so that you won’t slip. “Don’t blame yourself on this, okay?”

You voice quietly, almost a whisper. “Okay.” 

“Come on, let’s go to bed.”

eleven.

That night, you held onto Changbin like he’s the last thing you’re ever gonna see although you knew too well that it’s meaningless. What’s the point anyways? He just slapped your confession away and that alone was enough for you to understand that he sees you as nothing more than a friend. However, it’s still better than being stuck in that weird gray area that just keeps messing with your mind. You wouldn’t want to get in his way either. So when Changbin tried to peel your hands away from his torso gently in the middle of the night, your eyes remained closed as you rolled on the other side of the bed. 

When you woke up in the morning, he was already gone. 

It’s like he’s never been there all of those years as if he’s just an illusion that your delusional self made up to comfort yourself when things get hard. All of his belongings were nowhere to be found, his bed in the guest room was neatly made, something that he’s never done before. Changbin left no traces, no notes, no messages, no nothing like it’s a natural implement for ‘Don’t bother looking for me, I’m not gonna come back’. But to you, it feels more like ‘You fucked up our friendship, Y/N. I will never speak to you again’. 

Losing a best friend of a lifetime is way worse than going through a breakup. But it hurts more when you’ve unintentionally developed feelings for him when you know too well that it’s not right. It’s not right. And you seriously screwed up. You just hurt the one and only person that’s so incredibly close and special to your heart. Therefore, you’re distraught, unable to do anything right for some of the following days. Utterly destroyed, you can’t seem to stop blaming yourself for what happened. 

Changbin’s done so much for you and you can’t be any more grateful to have him in your life. There was this time where you totally lashed out on him because you were just having a ‘bad day’. He didn’t even get mad at you, he never gets mad at you. Instead, Changbin let you lock yourself up in your room for an hour until he came back with a box of chocolate and flowers. Everything fell right back into its place again and you really don’t know what you did to deserve him. He always goes out of his way, prioritizing others’ benefits rather than his own. He doesn’t want to hurt anyone at all because, in your heart, you know that he can be hurt easily too. 

So it’s no shocker that you’re madly in love with him. You like how he smiles and looks at you like you’re the only person that’s existing in this celestial sphere. You like the sound of his laughter because it reminds you of Spongebob sometimes, it’s ridiculously adorable in the best way possible. You also like how he clings onto you and lets you be the big spoon whenever he’s having a long day, you can’t stop smiling knowing that he finds comfort in your presence. 

The only flaw about him is that he’s all about that healthy life, which is good for him but you’re not adapting that any time soon. And he doesn’t talk about himself enough as he’s always used to listening to others’ problems instead. He’s flawsome, but you’re willing to embrace it all. Yes, as cheesy as it sounds, you love all of him. 

Just because he’s Seo Changbin. 

You stay up for many days, thinking an awful amount and flashbacking to when you’re on top of him, staring at him so tenderly as those idiotic words slipped out of your lips. All of because of one single beer. You just wish you could take it all back. If so, maybe you wouldn’t have lost the person you care about the most. 

“No, she won’t eat no matter what I say.” You can hear Yeji’s voice echoes from the living room as you throw an arm over your eyes. “I don’t think you should see her right now, not when she’s on the verge of breaking down every two seconds.” You don’t even have to look to know that your brother’s outside, probably worried sick about you. Minho might not be the type of person to show affections on a regular basis, but he genuinely cares about the people around him. He just doesn’t know how to express that he cares. 

The front door closes with a small ‘click’, making you jolt up from your bed. Your roommate pushes the door to your bedroom open and runs a hand through her hair. She practically grimaces at the current state of your room : curtains closed, clothes scattered all over the place with you still in your PJs. It’s funny because normally, you’re the one who complains whenever she’s being messy, now Yeji has the perfect reason to pay back. “Jesus Christ,” She frowns when her hands open the beige-colored curtains. “Get yourself together, will you?”

“Leave-me-alone.” You hiss at her like a snake when the light comes flooding in, blinding your eyes in the process. “What do you want? Am I not depressed enough to be at peace?”

She shakes her head and sits down next to your reclined form on the bed, a hand finds its way to your back. “No, you’re just in denial.” Yeji pulls your figure closer, embracing you with as much sincerity that she can muster. She might as well have you scream at her for forgetting to do laundry and waking up late rather than seeing you barely alive like this. If this goes on for too long, you might end up in the ER. And she can care less about whatever you’re planning on doing next because clearly, you’re not emotionally stable enough to make your own decisions right now. 

You look down. “About what?”

“About the fact that Seo Changbin likes you too.” She says softly. “Only a dumbass can’t see that he’s completely head over heels for you.”

You chuckle dryly. “He’s not, he probably hates me.”

“He never hated you, he never hates you, and he will never hate you.” Yeji sighs as you snuggle closer to her chest. “Why would you think that Changbin hates you?” 

Your eyes widen in terror as the night before when he left replays in your head over and over again. The more you think about it, the more you wanna kick yourself for not controlling our own feelings. Three words and your best friend’s gone. He was right, you guys could never, you weren’t thinking straight. Even down to that moment, Changbin put you before him and treated you with nothing but respect. “Because I ruined our friendship. Things are never gonna be the same again. I shouldn’t have fallen for him, I’m so stupid.” You let out an audible groan and bury your face into your palms. 

Yeji peels your hands away and forces you to look at her. “I don’t see why falling for Seo Changbin is considered stupid. You see things in him that no one else does, and you even had the courage to confess how you truly feel, even when it’s because of a bottle of Henny. Not everyone can accept that because people are cowards when it comes to commitment and their own feelings.” She keeps looking you dead in the eye as if she’s testing you. “Look, even if Changbin doesn’t feel the same way. He can never hate you.”

“And why should I believe you?” 

Your roommate laughs in disbelief, shaking your shoulder forcefully. “Are you blind? Do you even hear yourself right now? Haven’t you seen the way that he looks at you, eyes sparkling like puppies and all? If that’s not love, then I don’t know what is. Even if it’s not the love that you wanted him to return, he still loves you as a friend. He just ran away because, well, he’s human too. He might need some time to himself and make up his mind.” 

You stare into the distance this time, eyes empty. “True love doesn’t count if it’s not returned, don’t you agree?” 

Yeji rolls her eyes at you, she looks like she’s about to personally drag your ass across the planet, straight to Italy just to make up with Changbin. “Oh-my-god, you’re impossible! Of course, it counts! So what, you’re telling me that your feelings for him after all these years would mean nothing if he doesn’t say those three words back? I know that you’re sad and angry about what happened, but I think it’s much better than bottling everything up all to yourself. You were brave for doing that, Y/N.”

Your lips stay sealed as you decide to listen to her lecture obediently like a child. “Do you think Changbin would want to see you like this? No, no one wants to see you all depressed and miserable. Do you have any idea how worried Minho is? Have you checked the notifications on your phone? It’s not like you can’t move on with life without Changbin, you can and you will if that’s what you have to do.” 

“So..?” 

“Are you gonna step up and get your life back again or what?”

You groan internally, because gosh, you hate it whenever she’s right. 

twelve.

From then on, Changbin’s like a phantom in your life, not because he’s constantly popping out of nowhere to scare the living daylight out of you, but because he’s constantly on your mind. Everything feels a little bit emptier without him. You don’t have to worry about having cilantro in your daily meals because he’s not there to complain about it. And there’s no longer a random cup of chai tea in the fridge on Sunday mornings because he can’t buy you one anymore. 

But at the same time, everything reminds you of him. Like how his pairs of designer shoes aren’t laying around at your front door, how his favorite hoodies aren’t being forgotten at your place intentionally, and how the Stitch stuffed animal he gave you last year still reeks off his significant scent. Everything gives you a hard time to finally let him go, but ultimately, you know that you’ll pull through. And you did. 

You move on with a college degree waiting for you at the end of this dark, bumpy road. Changbin, on the other hand, you can’t say much because his SoundCloud account is currently empty. He deleted every single song, every mixtape, every demo possible as if he’s trying to wipe his existence out of your life completely. Which makes it more difficult for you to muster up some courage and reach out to him again. 

It’s almost a year, and you wish he could have just given you a sign about whether he’s fine with being friends or not. But as always, leaving notes is definitely not his department. The thing is, you feel like you both didn’t just grow apart. You also grew up. 

“Y/N, did you ask me to go to the movies just because you didn’t feel like studying for finals?” Jaemin nudges you with his elbow and you smack his arms in return. Okay, technically you did grow up but old habits die hard, and you’re still procrastinating. Nothing new, but the occasional non-dates with Jaemin somehow helped with the aching part in your heart. You can’t say that he’s your new best friend because gosh, no one could ever replace Changbin. But ever since you found out that you guys go to the same college, you kept running into him on campus. Hence, hanging out with him is practically unavoidable. 

You laugh, letting him swing an arm around your shoulders. “Nope, it’s because I love hanging out with you.”

“Does that naturally imply as you love me?” He grins coyly before approaching your car at the very end of the parking lot. You’ve talked about this before. ‘Love’ is an overstatement for the love that you have for Jaemin. Of course, you love him, just not in a romantic way and he accepts that. Although he does sometimes pull you in as a stunt just to get a discount for buying a couples’ combo. You let him, only because you’re both broke college students who are dreading your own student’s loans. 

“Sure, I just love you so much I can’t even bring myself to say it without doing this.” You slowly feed his ego and your right hand quickly grabs the right side of his ears, dragging him into the driver’s seat of your car. Jaemin stops wincing once you let him go, pouting when you enter through the back door. “Serves you right.” You scoff, throwing him the key to start the engine. 

He rubs his now swollen, red ear in pain, whining out loud like a kid that’s not allowed to buy popcorn when their parents bring them to the movie theatre. “This is domestic violence, I’m suing.” He complains but still hits the gas and starts backing out of the overpacked parking lot. People go wild during the weekends. That’s why you’re letting him drive because you suck. 

You smile satisfactorily. “Ah, enslaved child labor at its finest.” If looks could kill, Minho would probably find your corpse in the car, limbs spread wide open because Jaemin is occasionally tossing you dirty looks through the rear-view mirror as he finds a way to hide a body while driving towards your neighborhood. 

When you get home, you politely offer Jaemin to stay for dinner but he said he’s got a date to catch up with so you just let him be. Yeji isn’t gonna be home until nine because of her shift at the café so you basically have the whole apartment to yourself until your roommate returns from work. 

Exhausted from spending all day on campus and going to the movies after, you quickly get rid of your long coat and plop yourself onto the couch. You waste absolutely no time and automatically hang yourself upside down on the cushioned surface while scrolling through your feed in boredom. You like to change up your position every ten minutes so that you feel less like a potato while your blood circulation isn’t gonna get blocked anywhere. 

The moment you’re about to accept a video call from Jisung, you’re interrupted with a rather strange notification. You decide to text him, saying that you’re busy with a presentation and open the email from an unknown email. The email doesn’t have any specific title and you don’t think it belongs to any of your classmates. However, there’s a file attached to it which makes you even more confused. Who’d send a random video to someone they don’t even know? What if this is some kind of trick that people use for human trafficking? Like once you tap on it, there’s an automatic tracker on your phone and soon enough, you’ll go missing. 

“for_you.mp4”

It makes your heart skip a beat as realization hits you like a truck. Deep down, you know, you know who it belongs to and you’re even more terrified to watch it. But you have to, you have to watch it. With a sharp inhale, your index finger trembles until it comes in contact with your screen, opening the file. 

“Is this thing on?” 

You immediately burst into tears as soon as Changbin appears. You’re stupidly, foolishly crying as he awkwardly adjusts the camera angle, checking himself in the monitor and runs a hand through his hair. Changbin’s wearing that one fitted black t-shirt that he probably bought in big bulks, warm brown eyes peeking through his messy bangs. He’s never looked better to the point that you’re tongue-tied, unable to scream even when you have so many questions, so many things to say. Yet only tears come streaming down your face. You missed him dearly, and here he is finally. 

“Y/N?” Changbin quirks a brow and smiles. God, you missed his smile too. “If you’re watching this video, don’t..post it on social media. It’s gonna be a real tearjerker.” 

You chuckle, wiping your tears away with the sleeves of your hoodie. He didn’t change, at all. “I don’t know if you can still forgive me for what I’ve done, but I still owe you an apology. I’m sorry for running away. I’m sorry for hurting your feelings. I’m sorry for not treating you right. It’s just when you said that you loved me, it sparked so much skepticism inside my head that even I couldn’t understand what I was thinking. Next thing I know, I was out the door, straight to the airport. I was an asshole and I know that. I hope you’re taking good care of yourself right now because you did nothing wrong. In fact, there’s something that I’ve been wanting to tell you too. I can’t seem to be complete without you. You’re it. You’re my endgame.” 

When Changbin takes in a deep breath, so do you. You nervously scratch onto the black nail polish that’s starting to chip off on your pinkie, waiting for him as he fiddles with his fingers. Suddenly, he looks straight into the camera and laughs. “Why are you still here? You didn’t see the notification, did you?”

What notification?

Your trains of thoughts are once again canceled when your phone buzzes. You’ve just got a notification from an app that you barely touched since Changbin left. “SpearB just posted a new track. Check it out!”

“Neverending Story ( Demo ).” 

Faster than a tick of the clock, you start playing the track, fingers drumming impatiently on one of your throw pillows. “Be mine, yeah?” His raspy voice sounds ten thousand times more attractive because it’s been a while since you’ve heard it and chills run up your spine. Adrenaline is pumping through your veins, your heart hanging on the verge of exploding. The soft instrumental blends in with the piano in the background perfectly, drowning out every other sound in the entire world. But what throws you off is that Changbin starts singing. It’s the first time you’ve ever heard him sing and it’s truly breathtaking that you can do nothing more than sitting there with a hand over your mouth, letting the melody guide your mind. 

“Whenever you smile, whenever you struggle

I'll always protect you

For you,

I can even go against time

Just to appear in front of you

I believe, I believe

Even if the world changes

Can you promise that we won't?”

The first verse bleeds into the pre-chorus, then the chorus itself and Changbin starts rapping, spilling the feelings that he’s been struggling with saying out for you. Every word, every sound, every note hits differently and you feel like you’re already on cloud nine, drifting off into a daze. You can fully acknowledge and feel the ignited passion that he has for you even when he’s more than five thousand miles away, on the other side of the planet. But that’s all you need honestly because what more can you ask for? 

As if on cue, the song ends and there’s a knock at your door. 

Heat rushes up the bridge of your nose as you wobble towards the front door, head still slightly lightheaded from the mixture of emotions. You quickly fix your hair, straightening your hoodie and your toes curl from the nervousness. The moment you twist the doorknob, Changbin backs you up against the wall, shutting the door with his feet. He stares you down intensely, making you feel extremely small in comparison. But those eyes of his are filled with nothing but adoration for you and only you. “I’m in love with you, the same way that you meant it back then. I’ve been in love with you for even God doesn’t know how long. I booked a plane ticket and wrote the song as soon as that thought clicked in me. You’re all that I need. I want you to be my one and only. And I still want you back, so what do you say?” 

Your lips curl upwards softly into a smile. “You’re really outdoing yourself, aren’t you? I confessed to you when I was drunk and not only did you film a video, but you also wrote a song for me?”

“Only for you, Beastie.” Changbin chuckles and pulls you closer, sealing the gap between your lips. He’s done it, he did what he’s been wanting to for his entire life : to know what being in love actually feels like. His kiss isn’t even somewhere near as those movie stars’ that you both used to make fun of every weekend. It’s one that steeped into a passion that flickers at the very pit of your stomach, one that makes you feel like home, like he’s your safe place. Changbin’s said everything that he wanted but he kisses you as a silent promise that he will do stupid things just to be with you, to have you right by his side for the rest of his life. 

He’s the first to pull away, resting his forehead against yours as you both exchange shallow breaths. Smiling at you, Changbin can’t help himself but peppers small kisses all over your face from your forehead to the tip of your nose. 

Life likes to toss you around and fuck you up sometimes but somehow, magically it always puts everything back in its place. The amount of tears that you’ve shed feels like payment for what you’re holding in your arms right now but there’s nothing that you won’t do to be here, in his embrace. Technically, Changbin didn’t have to say those three words back and he only did because he could, not because he needed to. 

Even if he’s five thousand miles away, no one else is closer to your heart than he is. He loves you with all of the madness in his soul.

[thebonerpit]

tip of your tongue [fic]

tip of your tongue

Rom Howney, 2213 words, [E], read on Ao3 here

Tom has a terrible gag reflex and Robert just wants to help, aka, 2020: the year that inspires us to make mouth swabs sexy. (Cannot believe an Instagram video of Tom gagging on a swab would help get over my writer’s block...)

“Happy to see you’re being safe, even if that looks very uncomfortable. Awful gag reflex, by the way. Miss ya underoos.”

Most of the time, Tom assumes Robert never even sees his Instagram posts. He figures he’s too busy with other way more important movie star type things, or hanging out with his family, or doing literally anything other than browsing Instagram for hours like Tom does when he’s bored. But of course he happens to catch the one where he gags about two seconds after having that evil fucking swab shoved down his throat. It’s embarrassing, to say the least. He can practically see Robert’s smirk as he reads the DM.

Tom feels his cheeks colour slightly. Emboldened by the two beers he has just downed, he quickly types out a response and hits “send” before he can change his mind.

“It was horrid, but worth it. And yeah, haven’t had much chance to practice. xoxo.”

He throws his phone down on the couch so hard it bounces off and hits the floor.

“Fuck,” he hisses, grabbing for it and sinking back into the cushions in relief when the screen doesn’t show any visible cracks. Then he stares at it for a good ten minutes, totally NOT waiting for a response from Robert. Not at all. But when one doesn’t come he groans and buries his face in one of the big, soft pillows beside him.

“I’m such a fucking idiot,” he says into the fabric. “I wonder how long it would take to suffocate myself like this.”

“Are you saying something?! Why d’you sound like you’ve got your head in a jar?” Harry yells across the house. Tom groans again but launches himself off the couch and in the direction of Harry’s voice, leaving his phone on the coffee table, hoping for a distraction.

Ten o’clock that evening there’s a notification blinking at him. Tom nearly drops the phone again in his haste to check it.

“Didn’t think so, a good boy like you. Take it from someone who knows… practice does make perfect. I hear bananas work well. You have those in England, don’t you?”

Tom makes a painful, strangled noise that has Harry running to see if he’s broken something.

For some reason, they keep texting. It moves from Instagram DMs to actual text messages and Tom thinks that’s meaningful in some way… maybe… or not. Sometimes they’re flirty, sometimes they’re completely benign. Tom’s working on Uncharted and it keeps him too busy to dwell on it most of the time, until there’s a break in shooting for a week and he’s responding to Robert’s texts WAY too eagerly and he’d be mortified for himself if Robert wasn’t responding just as fast.

One night, after a few beers (again, god, he really needs to stop drinking) he sends a video. Because he has been practicing, actually. Not with bananas but with his toothbrush every morning, so that’s what he uses. He smiles at the camera and then opens wide and slides the handle into his mouth, taking care to concentrate on his breathing. His tongue pokes out underneath it and if he curls it slightly around the handle it was only to hold it steady, of course. The brush goes in a respectable distance until he feels his throat spasm and he gags slightly as he pulls it back out. His eyes water but he smiles again and does a completely dorky thumbs up before cutting the video off.

He cracks open another beer to wait with but the response comes almost immediately.

“Jesus, you’re pretty. Working hard, I see? Very good, I’m so proud.”

Tom blushes at the praise and squirms happily, kicking his feet a little. He’s alone in his hotel room, who fucking cares, Robert makes him giddy and he’ll kick his feet if he wants to.

“Aww you really think I’m pretty? I am working hard. Can even do it with the banana.”

“Show me.”

Fuck. FUCK. Tom hasn’t even attempted the banana yet but he didn’t expected Robert to respond… like that. He hops off the bed, grabs it from the bowl in the kitchenette, and immediately sticks it in his mouth.

“Peel it first, you absolute fucking moron,” he says with a grimace, and takes another swig of beer to wash away the taste of banana peel. He only has one banana, though, so if he’s gonna do this he has to film it right away or else it might start falling to bits after, er, repeated use. So he sets up his phone at an attractive angle and hits record.

He smiles again, less cheesy this time and what he hopes is more seductive, before turning slightly to the side and opening his mouth. The sweetness is almost overwhelming on its own, never mind how much thicker the banana is than a toothbrush, but he takes it slowly and slips it over his tongue. He has to close his lips around it, there isn’t really any other way, so he takes the opportunity to glance at the camera when he does, eyes lidded and slightly hazy from the alcohol. He stops about halfway down and makes a pathetic little sad noise because he knows he’s almost at his limit but fuck he wants to impress Robert so badly… so against his better judgement, he keeps going. Tom pulls out every trick in the book: breathing through his nose, squeezing his thumb in his fist, pressing up with his tongue. He makes it further than he did with the toothbrush before he chokes and slides the saliva-slick banana back out of his mouth with a wet gasp. There is a silvery thread of spit connecting his bottom lip to the end of the banana, and he stares directly in the camera as he licks it away.

This time there are actual tears in his eyes, and one slides down his cheek as he leans in to rasp out, “Did I do a good job?”

When the FaceTime notification pops up he nearly falls off the edge of the bed. There is absolutely no time to make himself look presentable or cool in any way, so he sets up the phone on the nightstand and answers with a tear-streaked face and a little bit of banana in the corner of his mouth.

Tom assumes Robert is in L.A. but it’s dark in whatever room he’s calling from, his face lit up by the soft glow of a desk lamp. A small thrill shoots up Tom’s spine at how blown his pupils are.

“What are you trying to do to me, hm?” he says, his voice quiet and half-wrecked.

“I’m just doing what you told me to… sir…”

Robert growls – actually GROWLS – and Tom feels it in every nerve of his body.

“Is that so?”

“Mmhmm. Practicing.”

Tom’s always been terrible at dirty talk, and he doesn’t think he’s ever had phone sex before, but he is an actor, so he lets himself slip into the role of someone who knows what the fuck they’re doing. It’s a lot easier with a scene partner like Robert.

“Practicing… yeah, I’ll bet. Practicing for something even bigger?”

“I… I don’t know. Am I?”

Did he really just ask Robert Downey Jr. how big his dick is?

Robert smirks and bites at his plush lower lip.

“Show me your hands,” he says.

Tom furrows his brow, confused, but raises his hands up anyway.

“Perfect. Lovely, long fingers. Put them in your mouth.”

It’s an order, and an order given so confidently and almost carelessly, like he knows Tom is going to obey. It’s devastatingly attractive.

“H-how many?”

“Start with two. As deep as you can.”

He does it. He tastes faintly of banana but it’s quickly washed away down his throat as he gags on his own fingers.

“Easy, sweet thing, no rush. Work them in nice and slow, close your lips around- yes, perfect, just like that…”

Tom’s eyelids flutter closed and he just lets Robert’s words wash over him as he slides his fingers over his tongue, deeper and deeper into his throat. His teeth knock against his knuckles and he moans when he realizes they’re in as far as they can go.

“Perfect,” Robert says. “Now suck.”

A whine escapes around his fingers, unbidden, and Robert answers with a low groan. Tom hollows his cheeks and does exactly what Robert tells him. He slides his fingers back out a bit only to suck them back in, almost petting his own tongue. He tries to go a bit faster, almost fucking his own face, but the repeated motion makes him gag again and he wrenches his hand away, coughing and sputtering and wiping spit off his chin.

“S-sorry,” he gasps, more tears spilling over his cheeks.

“Oh, no, you’re doing so good, baby,” Robert reassures, “so fucking good.”

He sounds breathless, and Tom wipes at his eyes so he can see him better. Robert shifts in his chair and Tom can see his arm moving under the desk and oh holy fuck he’s jerking off, he’s jerking off right now on the phone and Tom is about to DIE.

“Lemme see,” he blurts out, his eyes desperately focused on Robert’s arm.

Robert pauses and raises an eyebrow.

“Ask nicely.”

“Please! Shit, please, please lemme see.”

“Are you sure?” His voice is more serious this time. He knows that this is a line that is about to be crossed. It’s almost sweet, in a way, that he’s concerned about getting Tom’s consent and all, but really Tom was already winding up to fucking pole vault across that line so he just nods furiously and shoves his fingers back in his mouth to whine around them again.

Robert exhales through his nose and pushes his chair back from the desk. His fly is open but his trousers and underwear are still mostly pulled up so all Tom can see is his cock. And fuck, it’s a gorgeous cock. Thick and dark in his hand, wet at the head where he’s been leaking during their little conversation, one prominent vein that is just begging to be traced with his tongue.

“There,” Robert practically coos, “is that better, sweet thing? Can you imagine this in your mouth instead of those pretty little fingers?”

“Mmhmm,” Tom answers around the digits in his mouth. God, he can practically taste it. He’s rock hard in his jeans and part of him wants to touch himself too but Robert didn’t say he could, so he settles for rubbing against the mattress as he sucks on his fingers. There’s more saliva in his mouth and it’s starting to make everything sound incredibly wet and filthy, slurping and popping and squelching, but Robert seems to love it.

“I bet you’d look so damn good on your knees in front of me… those big eyes… fuck.”

Tom shifts around on the bed so he’s facing the camera, so he can look directly into the lens. Robert’s eyes flash when he realizes what he’s doing.

“God, you’re such a good boy, aren’t you? So obedient. So eager to please.”

He nods and continues to suck on his fingers, adding in a third to stretch his lips even wider.

“You’re gonna make me come, baby,” Robert mutters. His hand is flying over his cock but his eyes are laser-focused on Tom’s mouth. “Gonna make me shoot all over that pretty face.”

Tom is fairly certain he’s never been this turned on in his entire life. He lets his fingers slip out of his mouth.

“Please, I want it,” he gasps, and opens his mouth wide, tongue out like he’s waiting to taste everything Robert is willing to give him. He looks up at him through the lens, fluttering his eyelashes and petting his tongue with his slick fingers, and Robert comes with a harsh shout. Robert comes because of him. It makes him tremble and rut against the bed and within a few seconds he’s making a mess of his own boxers like he’s a teenager again.

There’s an echo of harsh breathing for a few moments as they both ride out the aftershocks, and then Tom hears shuffling from Robert’s end. He looks back up to see him tucked under the desk again which makes him pout. He misses that dick already.

“It’s gonna be a while before we see each other again,” Robert says. He’s trying to look casual, but Tom can tell when he’s acting. God knows he’s seen it enough. “We should stop texting. You’ll forget about this by then, and I won���t feel like as much of a creep. Hopefully.”

“Or…” Tom starts.

“Or?”

“Or, we keep texting, and I keep practicing, and when I see you I won’t have forgotten ANY of this and I’ll be able to suck your brains out through your gorgeous dick.”

Robert’s eyes widen, and then he throws his head back with a ridiculous sounding guffaw of a laugh. Tom laughs too and blows a kiss to the camera when Robert’s face is back in frame. He shakes his head but mimes catching it and pressing it to his lips.

“I could be ok with that.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

[clara-licht]

You’ve Gotta Be Kidding Me

You woke up in a familiar place with Marvel actors staying there. Or at least, you thought they were actors...

Pairing: The Avengers & Reader Genre: Platonic, general Word Count: 1.9k Note: This is an edited version from my old work in deviantart where the idea is you somehow met the Avengers, but you thought they were the actors instead. It’s been a while since I last wrote something so this was a nice refresher! I got a Peter Parker imagine in works right now, though.

When you opened your eyes, you instantly regretted it.

"Ugh!"

You shielded your eyes from the burning light. When your eyes finally adapted to the lightings, you took in your surroundings. You were in a familiar room. But you didn't think you've been there before. It just that you thought you knew this room. It was quiet, but not dead quiet. You kept looking around you in silence, until a voice startled you.

"Good morning, miss."

"Who's there?!" You immediately jumped out of the bed you'd been on.

"Please do not be alarmed. My name is FRIDAY, an Artificial Intelligence created by my boss, Anthony Stark."

Hearing this, you scoffed. FRIDAY? Anthony Stark? Okay, this was either a dream or someone was pulling prank on you. "Yeah, right. And I fell from the sky to SHIELD's Helicarrier, saved by Captain America, and was treated by Dr. Bruce Banner in Stark Tower. Or is it Avengers Tower?" You said sarcastically.

You got to admit; you loved Marvel. Even if you were pretty sure Endgame also ended your life as you knew it and you couldn't accept a lot of things that happened in that movie. Like Steve leaving Bucky for Peggy, who he knew already had a fulfilling life and children? Nonsense. Far From Home was also quite heartbreaking, seeing your favorite character, Peter Parker, going through a lot like that. You just re-watched it a few days ago and had a good cry about it. Or was it weeks ago? Or hours ago? Wait, why were your memories foggy? You couldn't remember what happened before you woke up in the room.

"Are you okay?"

It took a moment for you to regain your composure. "Yeah, I'm fine. So, care to explain what happened? You can't be the real FRIDAY. As much as how I wanted you to be, FRIDAY only exist in Marvel Universe. Where is this? How did I end up here? What happened? Who are you and what do you want?"

"One moment."

You raised an eyebrow. Now she intended to make you wait? Whoever that guy who pretended to be FRIDAY was, her voice could seriously pass as Kerry Condon's.

A sound of door sliding open made you turned around. And God did you not regret doing it.

"OH MY GOD. ROBERT DOWNEY JR?!"

"Who?" The vertically challenged man, who clearly was Robert Downey Jr. a.k.a Iron Man actor, frowned. Now you didn't care if it was a prank pulled by your friends. You got to meet Downey after all!

"Oh God, are you really?! What did I do to deserve meeting you?!" You started squealing.

"Hey, FRIDAY? Are you sure she's not mentally broken? She hit her head quite hard, didn't she?"

"Yes, boss. I ran full scan of her and right now the amount of dopamine in her brain is increasing- indicating that she's happy. Aside from that, I am 100% sure she is fine."

It was your turn to frown. "What? What scan?"

Downey chuckled and looked at you. "Follow me."

Slightly confused, you followed him.

❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊

"So… Mr. Downey?" You called.

"Who is this Downey that you keep speaking of?"

"You, of course!"

"Well," He lifted an eyebrow as he inched closer to you, "my name is Tony Stark. Feel free to call me Tony, not that name of someone I don't even know about. I've never met someone who don't know about me before."

You had to fight the urge to roll your eyes. "Well, Tony," You emphasized his name, "if you keep insisting on playing the whole Iron Man act, then I will play along."

"Play?" He mumbled, face now confused. But he decided to say nothing as the elevator dinged and you two exited the cramped lift. He led you to a spacious room. On your way, you looked around. Now you knew why it felt familiar. That place was designed close to the Avengers Compound in the movie. Whoever did this prank, they really outdid themselves.

"And here we are!"

"What took you so long, Tony?"

"Brother Anthony! I see that the lady has woken up!"

"Oh, she's awake."

"Hey, Cap! That girl you saved is awake!"

"She is?"

You gaped.

No.

Freaking.

Way.

"Now I'm sure I must be dreaming." You muttered.

"What was it, sunshine?" Downey, you mean Tony, asked with that annoying smile. "So! Let me introduce you to-"

"Chris Hemsworth, Jeremy Renner, Scarlett Johansson, Elizabeth Olsen, Chris Evans, Sebastian Stan, Ty Simpkins and oh my god it's Tom Holland and Tom Hiddleston. Yes, I know their names, thank you very much." You mumbled under your breath. "

"Okay, dear lady who seems to know whoever name that you've mistaken us for, I will correct those names for you." Tony sighed. "Meet Thor and his brother Loki who finally decided to stop being a menace after almost dying in the hand of evil purple ball sack," he gestured to Hemsworth and Hiddleston.

"Those two scary assassins over there are Clint Barton, known as Hawkeye, and Natasha Romanoff, or Black Widow," then he pointed at Renner and Johansson.

"Wanda Maximoff, also known as Scarlett Witch." Olsen hesitantly waved at you.

"Capsicle, Steve Rogers, and practically-his-boyfriend, Bucky Barnes." Evans looked at Tony disapprovingly while Stan nodded politely at you. "Usually they got a third guy, Sam Wilson, with them, but he's currently visiting his family."

"And lastly, my interns, Peter Parker and Harley Keener. Vision and Banner are somewhere in this Compound."

You scoffed again. "This might be the best time to wake up. Okay, wake up!" You close your eyes and started shaking your head. "Wake up!"

"What are you doing?" Renner, or Clint, asked.

"Why can't I wake up?" You mumbled. You slapped yourself, hard. "OW! DAMN, THAT HURTS!" Your eyes widened.

"It… hurts? So this is not a dream?" Blinking a few times, realization dawned on you. "Oh, this must be a prank. Alright, you got me. What the hell happened to me earlier and who organized this prank?"

Tom Holland looked up and raised a hand, "I can answer that!"

"Nope, you just stay there quietly, Underoos. Take it away, Cap." Tony said, followed by Holland pouting.

What a cute guy. Wait, no, focus!

Evans stepped forward, "I believe I can answer that."

He started explaining that when Peter (nope, it's Tom Holland, it's got to be Holland) was running on the tracks outside, he saw something falling out from the sky at a rapid pace. That something turned out to be you, who were unconscious at the time. Alarmed, he caught you (no, that doesn't make sense, IF I was really falling that fast, he shouldn't be able to catch me that easily without any of us injured) and called for help. They brought you inside and got Doctor Helen Cho (again, that must be Claudia Kim or something) to check you and she cleared you out. Apparently Doctor Stephen Strange (seriously, they got Benedict Cumberbatch here too?!) came by earlier to check you as well and deemed you non-dangerous, so they let you stay in one of the rooms in the Compound until you wake up.

"Ha, nice story, Captain. Come on, be serious here for a second!" You shook your head, "The Avengers isn't real, okay? They're just fiction! A made-up story! As much as I would love for them to be real, they only exist in Marvel Universe and thank goodness Sony and Disney kinda made up and let Spider-Man stays in MCU because otherwise I won't know what to do! Besides, there's just no way someone could have super powers like-"

"You're scared," Olsen stated softly, "I understand. But I know you somehow feel comfortable standing here with us. You recognized us as someone that you knew, someone you actually trust. You… You somehow feel at ease and want to believe us, although your mind keeps telling you that you're dreaming and this is a prank by your best friend (f/n). You're not, this is not."

You took a step back. It suddenly seemed dangerous to be in that room and whatever ease you felt (yes, she was right, you did feel comfortable for some reason) left you immediately. "Okay… I don't know how know that, but clearly there must be something wrong here…"

"Something wrong indeed." Hiddleston sighed in his attractive British accent as he, who was supposed to be sitting on the couch beside Hemsworth, walked pass from behind you with a bottle of coke in his hand.

"I-I thought you were there!" You pointed at the couch.

"I was."

"Then how-"

"It's not hard to teleport, mortal."

"What-"

"Are you okay? You look pale." Renner, who you started to believe was the real Clint Barton, walked towards you.

"No! Stay where you are!"

"Miss-"

You slid down and sat on the floor, pounding head in your hands. "This is not real. It can't be. It can't be. It can't be…" You whispered over and over again in between your short breath. Your heart was racing and your whole body started shaking.

"Miss, take a deep breath-"

"SHUT IT!"                                                    

"Boss, the lady seems to be in distress and starting to show symptoms of panic attack."

"Shit. Hey, hey, come on, breathe slowly-"

"I'm sorry, is this the wrong time to come?"

A new voice made you turn around, only to see a weird person with red and green skin wearing a shiny cape coming in, followed by a big green figure.

"V-Vision?" You croaked out.

"Uh, yes. Do I know you?"

And that was the cue for you to pass out.

❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊

"You've gotta be kidding me."

"We're not."

"But there's just no way-"

"And there's just no way for you to come from a dimension where it seems so peaceful."

"It's not peaceful! War still happens!"

"Yes, but no outer space threat? Really?"

"It's just a fiction!"

"Well it's not. Look at Loki."

When you regained your consciousness, you were still surrounded by some the Avengers. The real Avengers. It made you accept the fact that it was not, indeed, a dream.

"So, I fell out from the sky," Peter nodded. "and this is the Avengers Compound." He nodded again. "You all have no idea what happened to me since Dr. Strange, Maximoff, Stark, Thor, and even Loki knows nothing." They nodded. "And I can't even remember what happened before it!"

"Hey, we'll found out about it." Vision said reassuringly.

"How do you know that I'm not evil?" You asked.

"He's worthy of Mjölnir, and he can see pass you. He knows." Thor said with a smile.

"Besides Strange said you're fine. Maximoff also doesn't feel any threat coming off from you, and Peter's tingle-" Tony stopped himself, "Uh, I mean, Peter is good at sensing bad people and he's fine."

"Are you sure you can help me regain my memory?" You asked, ignoring the little blunder. You must tell them what you knew later and asked about the timeline. Tony mentioned 'evil grape ball sack' which definitely meant Thanos, but he was alive, along with Natasha and Vision, so there must be something different.

"With all our might."

"How?"

"Well, let's start with you telling us your name."

"It's (y/n), (y/n) (l/n)."

[citrucentric]

Cranberry

The ideal Holmes is tall and dark with sharp edges and an intelligent look to him, but also posh and with a sense that you could fold him into origami if you really tried. Dresses well, but wouldn’t look out of place sprawled dramatically over a couch in a dressing gown with a pipe and surrounded by drug paraphernalia. Once made a pillow fort and sat in it to think. Caught somewhere between handsome, pretty, and weird looking. Emphasis can be on any of the three. CANNOT have facial hair.

Holmes Adaptations

S-Tier

Miss Sherlock (Yuko Takeuchi) - 95%

You’ll notice, of course, that nowhere in the earlier description did I say Holmes needed to be white, a man, or even human. None of those qualifiers or the lack-thereof prevent someone from looking the part -- it simply becomes necessary to compare them to the characters around them. And when I picture a female Sherlock Holmes, Yuko Takeuchi embodies the exact image in my mind. Her sharp edges, piercing eyes, and impeccable fashion, along with the powerful weird energy she brings to the role, fit Sherlock perfectly. She does look more than a bit like she could kick my ass, but more in the manner she dominates the room, which is perfect for the character.

Sherlock Holmes (Jeremy Brett) - 85%

I haven’t watched this adaptation, though I’ve been meaning to get around to it. So this ranking is based solely on screenshots and promotional images. And honestly, as ugly as i find this guy, he totally nails it. He even kind of looks like the illustrations in the stories. I won’t give him a perfect score because his hair could be darker and his face is a little small, and there’s just barely something missing. But as far as “canon” Holmes adaptations go, he’s the cream of the crop.

A-Tier

Sherlock: The Abominable Bride (Benedict Cumberbatch) - 80%

Definitely the more accurate of the two Cumberbatch Holmes designs, the sleek fashion and slicked back hair complement Cumberbatch’s angular build and “somewhere between pretty and just weird” face. He’s tall, dark, and posh. If there’s anything holding him back it’s simply that even dressed up properly, there’s something still a bit modern looking about him.

Fate/Grand Order - 78%

Given that his design and presentation are a direct reference to both Brett and Cumberbatch’s portrayals, it’s a given he’d place so highly. It’s really hard to nail down a 2D Holmes, especially in the anime style this game employs, since it has a tendency to prettify characters by default. True to form, FGO Holmes is far neater and more precise than I’d like. But he’s by no means a bad design, and depending on the image he can really hit the spot for me; he’s definitely a chart topper in the realm of 2D Holmes.

Sherlock Holmes: The Furtive Festivity (Gregory Johnstone) - 75%

There aren’t many Holmes that we only get to see as an old man, in no small part due to the ACD estate’s notoriously malicious copyright practices. Johnstone ranks so highly not due necessarily to the details of his look, but the overall feel he embodies. This Holmes is soft, affectionate, more than a little floppy. His hair and costume portray a man well grown into his eccentric life, and his face is sharp and mature enough to suggest the brains underneath; even if that’s more wisdom than intelligence in this particular story. This is a Holmes designed by someone who really loves Sherlock Holmes, and it definitely shows.

BBC Sherlock (Benedict Cumberbatch) - 75%

Cumberbatch’s features still naturally suit Holmes well, and he’s tall and striking enough to cover the rest. But this isn’t a rating of his acting performance aside from the visuals it supplies; it’s hard to modernize Holmes, especially since it makes perfect sense for Holmes to gel well with the changing times; he was always a man ahead of his era. BBC Holmes’s trademark trenchcoat and curly locks aren’t traditional Holmes, but they suit him well enough.

Yuukoku no Moriarty - 73%

The long hair is an unorthodox take, but I'm certainly not complaining. YnM's Holmes definitely nails the youthful scientific exuberance of an early Holmes. It's clear they were going for a sort of BBC/ACD mix, but with their own spin. Pretty -- he is an anime boy, after all -- but all sharp edges and full of energy. Decent, way better than most anime Holmes designs manage.

B-Tier

Basil of Baker Street [The Great Mouse Detective] - 70%

Comparing the character to those around them is especially important when it comes to non-human characters, who naturally don’t have the same features. Putting Basil next to Dawson makes this abundantly clear, as they make a perfect portrait of Holmes and Watson. For a mouse, he’s thin, angular, even a little ratlike; all decisions that suit Holmes well. I have some complaints about his ensemble, though; while the dressing gown suits him well, his normal brown coat and hat don’t work so well with his fur; the monochrome look makes him come off a bit scruffy and unrefined.

A Study in Black - 68%

Rules are made to be broken, they say; here’s a Holmes with well maintained facial hair and who’s shorter than Watson, and yet I can without question say they were the right decisions. This Holmes takes a very different design approach than any other on this list, even the other modern takes, but he embodies the spirit of Holmes much more than if he’d tried to match every detail. Holmes is still gaunt and striking, eccentric and fashionable. He looks absolutely great.

The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes (Robert Stephens) - 62%

Stephens in this role is, I have to say, far too soft. But he’s playing a different sort of Holmes, and I can’t resist keeping him here. There are some parts of the look he has down; he certainly looks high class, and the softer elements of Holmes’ character look good on him. Holmes’ traditional costume, the hat and coat, look out of place on him. But that suits the message of the film, and may very well have been intentional.

C-Tier

Dai Gyakuten Saiban - 58%

Not the only blond Holmes on this list, but it doesn’t suit him as poorly. From a character design standpoint, it looks very good. As a Holmes, it’s unorthodox. He’s not gonna be a chart topper with it, but I wouldn’t rule it out. This Holmes’ real problem isn’t his coloration, merely that he’s much too conventionally attractive. His jaw is a bit too wide, curls a bit too lovely, the peek of lavender under his coat a bit too rich, and I can’t look at him for too long without blushing. Do some cocaine and get back to me.

Sherlock Holmes (Basil Rathbone) - 55%

Now, this one might be controversial. I don’t think Rathbone Holmes looks very good. I can’t put my finger on why; his head is the right shape, his nose very sharp, though his face looks very smooth and he seems overall vaguely packed in. Like he was plucked out of the sky just before walking on set. The shapes are all right, it just seems off to me. I guess what I’m getting is that his look is too obviously produced. He looks too much like an actor portraying Holmes, rather than Holmes. But I know he’s gonna be the guy a lot of people swear by, so I won’t defend this placement too hard.

Sherlock Hound - 45%

Really, what is up with the monochrome design on some of these cartoons. Sherlock Hound has the darker hat to make up for it, though, so it’s a little better. Applying the same rubric as Basil to him... doesn’t get the same results. As far as I can tell, this just looks like a normal dog. And a scruffy light-furred one, at that. There’s a contrast between him and Watson, sure, but it could’ve been pushed further. At the end of the day this is an average guy dressed as Sherlock.

D-Tier

Herlock Sholmes [Code: Realize] - 40%

This is a very pretty anime boy. I’d pick him first in whatever dating sim this is. ...Wait, this is supposed to be Holmes? How can you tell? Look, I know it’s hard to make an anime boy Holmes. Holmes’ key design elements aren’t his costume or his hair, they’re the things that make him unpolished. And anime dating sim boys don’t like to be unpolished. But really, this is just a steampunk boy who likes tea. Nothing here reads as Holmes to me.

Sherlock Holmes (Robert Downey Jr.) - 35%

Now, I love this movie. RDJ got me back into Sherlock Holmes when I was younger. And as this character, he has a very specific and well designed look. ...Does that look gel with canon Holmes? I don’t think so. He’s rough, he’s scruffy, he’s short and wide and strong-jawed, and he refuses to go for a clean shave. I like him a lot, but he’s not very Holmesian. He does, however, nail the eccentricity and his costume design works for him well. I do like a messy Holmes. So I won’t go any lower than this.

F-Tier

Basil [Blush Blush] - 28%

So, he’s got the outfit. There’s that. But otherwise... This is just some soft ugly anime boy cosplaying Sherlock Holmes. He doesn’t have a single trait that works in his favor. On top of that, he’s got the same problem the other Basil on this list had -- the all monochrome light brown just looks weird, and not Holmesian at all. And this boy doesn’t have the excuse of literally being a mouse. This is just an ugly design.

Elementary (Jonny Lee Miller) - 25%

Now, I've only watched a few scattered episodes of Elementary. Partially because I'm morally opposed to shows that only gender-flip half of the duo, partially because I’m absolutely outraged by the travesty they made Moriarty. But this isn’t a bad character, per-se.

But, like, this is just some dude. This isn't Holmes.

Sherlock Holmes [Clue] - 23%

I love Clue so much. That probably doesn’t surprise anyone. I have the season pass in this game, which automatically gives me every DLC character they add for free. So I was super excited to hear there was gonna be a Sherlock crossover. ...But this is just ugly. Another light haired square-jawed monochrome asshole pretending to be my favorite character. There’s nothing Holmes about this. (The rest of the designs in the pack are no better, but this isn’t about them.)

Skylar Holmes [Blossom Detective Holmes] - 20%

Now, Blossom Detective is a show that I famously disliked so much I immediately sat down and screenwrote my own Holmes cartoon on the spot. And Skylar certainly feels like she should be in the “part 2″ of this list, but a Holmes she is.

She's cute and she accessorizes well, but she's just not Sherlock Holmes by any stretch.

Sherlock Shellingford [Milky Holmes] - 10%

Now, look how cute she is! Sherlock Shellingford, present and accounted for. She’s got TWO Sherlock names so you know she’s the real deal. Now, this is just an objectively good design. She's exactly what she needs to be to serve the role she plays!

And that isn't Sherlock Holmes. Sorry.

Holmes & Watson (Will Ferrell) - 0%

Get out of my house.

Holmes Archetypes

Not all Holmes’ are meant to be the Canonical Sherlock Holmes, of course; some are just neat references, or characters who naturally fit into his role whether the author intended it or not. Let’s address them here, and remember that not looking the part doesn’t really reflect negatively on these ones as they’re stand-alone.

S-Tier

Dylan Reinhart [Instinct] (Alan Cumming) - 90%

Dylan is so point for point Sherlock Holmes that it’s hard to call him an archetype and not a straight adaptation, or possibly a rip-off if I’m being harsh. But I’m not supposed to be rating him by portrayal, just looks - and he’s really good. He’s the exact right blend of weird looking, though not as angular as he should be. His sharp eyebrows and nose and high hairline work fantastic, and he wears a suit very well. He’s a perfect little bundle of posh and nerves, and though he’s not perfect the fact that this isn’t actually supposed to be canon Sherlock Holmes makes this placement very unsurprising. He wouldn’t look out of place on the other list.

Hubert von Vestra [Fire Emblem: Three Houses] - 85%

Oh? What’s that? You don’t think Hubert von Vestra is a Sherlock Holmes archetype? Okay, then explain to me why he uses the word “sentiment” exactly twice in his supports. Atheists 1, Church of Seiros 0. Anyway. Let’s start with the obvious. Hubert looks like Benedict Cumberbatch. But, he looks like a vampire Benedict Cumberbatch who did a lot more cocaine. And if you don’t think Sherlock Holmes should look like a vampire, youre lying.

A-Tier

None yet. Please submit your Holmes and I will add them.

B-Tier

Heinwald [Dragalia Lost] - 67%

I would never look at this design and think "well, that's Sherlock Holmes". Heinwald looks more like a zombie or the bride of Frankenstein, very Halloween. His look being so specific does come at the expense of his Holmesness, but he's still got more than a few traits down and he’s an absolute treat.

L Lawliet [Death Note] - 65%

This is a very, very weird looking man. Key points: dark hair and eyes. gaunt, sharp, and mostly angular (though with a softer face). Extremely foldable. This man could 100% pass for Holmes, if someone else was dressing him. Put him in a suit, comb his hair? Yeah. It’d really work. But until then, he’s just most of the way there.

Kyoko Kirigiri [Danganronpa] - 63%

Kirigiri really gets jilted here, because she could be much higher. Unfortunately, she has to be part of a series that with only a few exceptions just reuses the same face and body for most of its female characters. Kirigiri definitely has the sharp and focused feel she needs to pass for Holmes, and she dresses well. The white hair is the opposite of the dark he usually touts, but it’s striking. Unfortunately, put her next to any other character in her series, and she blends back in.

Miles Edgeworth [Ace Attorney] - 60%

Feels a little weird to put Edgeworth on here when the actual Sherlock Holmes is in his game, but he fits the character much better if not the narrative role. So let’s go over the looks. His jaw is a bit wide, but he’s very pointy, and I certainly have never gotten the impression he’s a physically strong man. He’s very fashionable, and with his big cravat and sharp hair he makes a cutting silhouette. I’d say he needs a bit more to really nail the look, though.

C-Tier

Will Graham [Hannibal] (Hugh Dancy) - 45%

Despite being a noted Hannibal Lecter fan and possible homosexual, I still haven’t watched Hannibal. I’m taking people at their word that Will is a Sherlock; I definitely would have assumed otherwise looking at him. He reminds me deeply of BBC’s John Watson, and it’s hard to see anything else. But I don’t hate his look; he reads as clever, he looks good in darks, and I wouldn’t complain to see him cast as Holmes. He’s better than some of the lower-tiered canon Holmes actors, anyway.

Ranpo Edogawa [Bungo Stray Dogs] - 40%

This is another submission, and I don’t know who this boy is. I really doubt he’s actually a Holmes, given that he’s named after a real non-Doyle writer, but I was begged to include him. Let’s go. I really like his outfit. He’s got an aesthetic I like. Is it Holmes’? No. This kid looks like he’d fit way better as a Baker Street Irregular; maybe he should audition.

D-Tier

Gregory House (Hugh Laurie) - 35%

Take everything I said for Robert Downey Jr, and just mess up his hair a bit more. House is scruffy, poorly put together, and not wearing anything that costs over $100. As a Holmes, he’d work as one of his disguises; I wouldn’t be super surprised if this guy suddenly cleaned up and looked the part -- but it would take a lot of cleaning. I love his look, though -- again, he isn’t trying to be canon. House is an explicit Holmes parallel, but he’s still his own character.

F-Tier

Walnut Cookie [Cookie Run] - 20%

Given how much “Holmes costume” and “Detective costume” are conflated, it’s possible this gingerbread baby isn’t even supposed to be a Holmes reference, but I’ll take her. She’s an excellent design - but a standalone one. Shes too soft, warm, and curly looking to pull off canon Holmes.

[thevodkadidthis]

Sour Patch and Jellybeans.

pairing: Sebastian Stan x Reader warnings: NOTHING but fluff, also some swearing. word count: 1.7K summary: Y/N and her team are hired by Marvel to be their newest hair and make-up department. What happens when she sees her Avenger crush but ended up getting someone else’s attention? A/N: Hi! So uh, this is my first time writing something from Marvel and I really hope I’m doing it right (lmao, what). Please enjoy!

You grew up watching Marvel and the fact that you and your team are given a job to be in charge of the hair and make-up simply sends you to cloud nine. Your first favorite Marvel hero will always be Iron Man, since it was the first character that is introduced but then as more movies came in, you lost track of who you should pick as a favorite, until Ant-man came in and joined the franchise.

“Holy shit. We’re really doing it?!” you needed to ask again, because you might be hallucinating, or dreaming— either way, you need confirmation.

“Yes, girl! We’re definitely on it, we’re going to start by next week!” your friend responded to you with a big and bright smile plastered on her face, she couldn’t believe it as well, considering the fact that this is such a huge movie, you all could be hired by next time too.

Holy fuck, holy fuck, holy fuck. I’m gonna go see my heroes!

When the scheduled time arrived, you and your team managed to get into the location of the set at the exact time. You looked around and admired your surroundings, when the Russo brothers came to greet you.

“Hi there, Y/N! How’s it going? Is everyone comfortable?” Anthony approached and you smiled at him and nodded.

“Everything’s alright, sir. We’re going to prepare all the things we needed, I just.. came to check here because I’m a big fan!” you could not help but to say that, the directors laughed with you.

Joe cleared his throat, “Well, I hope you don’t pass out when the cast arrives. I’ll see you around.” They both offered a hand shake that you gladly took and bid them goodbye.

When you arrived at your spot in the set, Robert Downey Jr. came in and you ended up getting your mouth open when he smiled at you and greeted you a good morning, “You’re with the new team of hair and make-up, right?” he asked and you nodded, you even tried to speak, to introduce yourself but your throat seemed to be dried off. “I look forward to working with you, do your best!” he cheered on before walking away to say hi to the directors and head on to the costume department.

“Jesus Christ, that was Iron Man.” you simply said to your friend as you both giggled, “I just want to see Captain America!” one girl from your team exclaimed and everyone nodded in unison.

As the team prepare the necessary equipment and things for the job, you walked to where the table for snack and coffee and managed to grab a cup of coffee and headed back to your department. When you got in, there are 3 men already sitting on the chairs, all ready for the make-up and hair-styling. Of course, you recognized them, the goofiest trio ever—on the left, Mackie; on the middle, Evans; and finally on the right, Stan. There are already people fixing Evans’ and Stan’s appearances so you headed to Anthony Mackie.

“Hi, good morning.” You quietly greeted him. You noticed on your peripheral vision that Sebastian turned to look at you but you didn’t look back, as you were trying to focus on Anthony’s make-up.

“A good morning to you too, lady.” He greeted back as you apply the necessary material for his role.

“You guys are new here, right?” Chris asked and your friend, who’s fixing him up nodded while combing Chris’ hair. Once again, Sebastian turned to face you and you both locked gazes for a split second before turning away.

Then you heard someone come up on the entrance.

You turned to your friend and whispered, “Dude, it’s Paul Rudd!” with a big smile on your face.

“Wow, really? You’re going for Paul Rudd?” Mackie asked, with a genuine confusion on his face.

“Oh, totally.” you replied with no hesitation, “He’s my boy since Clueless!” you replied to him.

“You’re going for Paul Rudd when you have golden boy Steve Rogers AKA Captain America here—and don’t get me started on Sebastian Stan! Stare into his piercing blue eyes and you’ll find home.” Anthony complimented the two men in the room with him and laughed, Chris laughed with him as well, holding his left boob for a bit and Sebastian ended up sighing and looking down on the floor because of Anthony’s comments.

He was right though, Sebastian’s eyes are definitely something. But you dismissed the thought and focused on Anthony again. The whole team fixed up the other casts as well: Hemsworth, Johansson, Ruffalo, Renner, Holland, Cumberbatch, Hiddleston, Olsen, Paltrow, Thompson and the others.

You finished the first set of make-up and the cast went on to film on the set, you were just waiting for the director to call anyone from your team to re-apply make-up and maybe fix their hair during filming. As you wait, you went into the snack table because you have been eyeing the bag of sour patch that you’ve been wanting to eat. You picked it up and opened the bag, when you heard someone cleared their throat behind you.

You turned to look and you met the same pair of piercing blue eyes from earlier, you felt your eyebrows raised and stopped chewing the candy in your mouth.

“We uh, we didn’t catch your name earlier. We got the names of the other two but not yours. I’m Sebastian.” he offered a hand shake and you nodded, chewing the candy fast in your mouth so you could speak, you dusted your hand on the side of your pants to get rid of the sugar from the sour patch, “I’m Y/N. It’s very nice to meet you.” You took his hand and shook it lightly.

He nodded and his gaze dropped to the bag of candy you’re holding, then you popped two pieces of it to you mouth, “How can you eat that? That’s disgusting.” Then he picked up a small bag of jellybeans from the same table where you got your sour patch. “Try this instead.”

You stared at him with wide eyes and mouth agape, then you slightly shake your head in disbelief. “The amount on disrespect—I can’t even.. how can you say that right in front, no.”

He laughed, putting candies into his mouth this time, “It’s the truth. Jellybeans has flavor, sour patch is just.. sour.” He stared at your bag of candy with disgust on his face.

You fished out a specific color from the bag of sour patch, picking up the blue-colored one. “Here. Maybe you and sour patch started off with the wrong foot. Give it a try again.” You offered to him.

He nodded, willing to try. You expected him to accept the candy from your fingers with his fingers, but instead, he leaned in closer and ate the candy straight from your finger, touching a small part of his upper lip. You stared at him, completely dumb-founded, but he didn’t seem to mind, like what he did was not even that big of a deal.

Ah, what?

He chewed and seemed convinced that sour patch isn’t really that bad, “Alright, this blue one ain’t so bad at all.” He agreed.

You recovered and composed yourself, “Right?! Told you so.” You reacted. The small gesture that he did didn’t seem to matter to him so it shouldn’t matter to you as well.

“So, Paul Rudd, huh?” he started to talk again.

You finished chewing, “Oh, come on. Paul Rudd’s a pretty cool guy. Older, but still attractive, like really good-looking!” you stared at the distance, “Also, I really like him as Ant-man. You know, very funny and humorous and he seems like a very chill person— I do think he makes good tea.”

Sebastian turned to look at you, “Oh, yeah? What about Bucky Barnes then?”

“Well…” you trailed off, as an idea came in mind. “Bucky’s a bad guy, you know? With all the HYDRA stuff there and the Howard Stark and he also tried to kill Nick Fury! Damn villain.”

“What?!” he immediately reacted, “He got brainwashed!”

You laughed, “I’m just kidding, relax!” You laughed and he shook his head, with a grin on his face, “I know Bucky’s a good guy, and I do think he deserves a lot of good things in the world. The Winter Soldier? No, that wasn’t him.” you explained to him, staring at his eyes.

He nodded, “You’re right. Despite of the things he’s done and living with a strong hatred for himself for what he did—I do think he still deserves something good.” he finished his jellybeans and threw the empty bag into the trash bin, while you’re still eating your sour patch.

You heard the set manager call Sebastian, it’s his time to film for his part in the movie.

“Yeah, one sec.!” he replied to the set manager and tried to straighten his clothes and fix his long brown hair. “Do I look good?” he asked you. You gave him a head-to-foot look to examine if he needs some fixing.

“You look fine. Go now.” You motioned to where the set manager was and finished your candy.

“Okay. Uh, speaking of Bucky-Barnes-deserving-something-good,” he did an air quote with his index and middle fingers to emphasize, “would you like to, maybe, grab lunch with me?” he asked. His face is flustered as he blush slightly. He looked adorable, you thought.

You smiled, wanting to see him suffer more as he waits for your answer, “What does that have to do with the Bucky-Barnes-deserving-something-good stuff?” you copied him with the air-quoting using your fingers.

“Well, you know, getting lunch with you is, I know, something good and I deserve that.” He replied, his voice has a tone of confidence as he explain his answer.

“I said Bucky, not Sebastian—“

“Exactly. Who am I right now?” he pointed at his clothes, his long hair, his shining metal arm and his beard.

You could not help but to laugh for a bit and with that, Sebastian chuckled with you, “I suppose you’re right on that. Alright, lunch it is.” You finally agreed and Sebastian could not hide the smile on his face as he blush one more time.

“Alright, it’s a date.” Then he walked away, following the instructions of the set manager who is staring at the both of you from a distance because Sebastian definitely took too long than a second.

[angelkurenai]

Masterlist Update~! Including posts from 15/09/18 to 10/03/19.

Dean Winchester Series/One-Shots

Naturally Alpha - Dean Winchester x Reader (French Mistake/A/B/Os AU)

Part 2 l Part 3 l Part 4 l Part 5 l Part 6

Silver lining - Dean Winchester x Reader

One-Shot

A simple deal - Dean Winchester x Reader

One-Shot

Jealousy just got pretty - Dean Winchester x Reader

One-Shot

Running away - Dean Winchester x Reader

One-Shot

A supernatural marvel - Dean Winchester x Reader x Steve Rogers

Part 6 l Part 7 l Part 8 l Part 9 l Part 10 l Part 11 l Part 12 l Part 13 l Dean’s Ending l Steve’s Ending

A divine act - Dean Winchester x Reader x Sam Winchester

One-Shot

SPN Actors One-Shots

Ackles VS Ackles - Jensen Ackles x Reader

One-Shot

Choose your side wisely - Jensen Ackles x Reader

One-Shot

Guardian angel - Alexander Calvert x Reader

One-Shot

MARVEL One-Shots

Sleeping in - Steve Rogers x Reader

One-Shot

Dean Winchester Imagines

Imagined Jack pointing it out when Dean is jealous, especially of your crush on Matthew Daddario.

Imagine being an Alpha and returning home late from a date one night. Only to find Dean, who’s clearly jealous, wide-awake and waiting for you.

Imagine Michael flirting with you, very intrigued when he sees you in Dean’s memories and figures out the hunter loves you. Only to end up admitting you are what he really wants too.

Imagine showing Dean that he’s not old to you and what you really think of him and his age, which only gets him very flustered, hot and bothered.

Imagine Jack giving advice to Dean on how to ask you out because he’s always been in love with you but doesn’t dare to make the first move.

Imagine going out with Dean and trying to confess to each other how you feel about one another, until you realize you’ve caught the eye of a attractive and probably dangerous man, Nick Lowell.

Imagine Dean getting flustered but also hot and bothered when you openly talk about your fantasies around him, because he can’t help but picture the two of you together.

Imagine Ketch pointing out Dean’s feelings for you, when he notices how clingy you two are, when they’re in the Apocalypse world. Even though you claim to be only friends.

Imagine Dean meeting you when he was living with Lisa and being unable to get you off his mind because he fell hopelessly in love with you, more than with any other woman. So much that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you.

Imagine Dean being a famous artist and you are his model.

Imagine Jack confessing to you that he’s in love with you before he dies, but you don’t get it because all you can think about is Dean, the man you love.

Imagine Dean constantly thinking about you and wanting to contact you since you left the bunker to have a life with Steve, feeling guilty for how you parted ways and missing you real bad because he was in love with you and didn’t get to tell you. Only to show up again in front of him.

Imagine Dean being a single father and meeting you, the teacher of his daughter, and being completely taken by you.

Imagine John noticing the feelings you and Dean have for each other but don’t dare admit and making comments about them to help set you two up.

Imagine John assuming you and Dean are engaged and being excited for his son because he can see he loves you. So when he finds out you’re only friends, he takes matters into his own hands, only to embarrass Dean.

Imagine when John returns, Dean looks for you but meets a version of you than never met and fell in love with him which hurts him deeply. Only to find out that before it all happened, you were pregnant with his child and had not told him yet.

Imagine when John returns, Dean looks for you but meets a version of you than never met and fell in love with him which hurts him deeply. Only to find out that before it all happened, you were pregnant with his child and had not told him yet.(Part 2)

Imagine giving birth to yours and Dean’s daughter and feeling happy but insecure about the weight you’ve gained so you keep your distance from him. Only for Dean to show you in any and every way how much he really loves you.

Sam Winchester Imagines

Imagine Dean setting you and Sam up on a date because he’s sick and tired of you hiding your feelings from each other and wants you to admit it.

Jack Kline Imagines

Imagine being able to heal others by taking their injuries. After a fight, you heal Jack, you are left weaker and hurt and he feels guilty and sad, because he’s in love with you.

Imagine giving Jack a gift for Christmas, his new jacket, and making Dean jealous and grumpy because you don’t give him the same attention anymore.

Castiel Imagines

Imagine finding out about the deal Castiel made to save Jack and being devastated because you love him. Only to break his heart even more by telling him you are pregnant with his child.

Jensen Ackles Imagines

Imagine flirting with Jensen on set and him getting so flustered because he likes you that it makes it into the gag reel.

Imagine having your first kissing scene with Jensen, long-time best friend and costar, and he is so taken by you that he forgets all of his lines afterwards.

Imagine you and Jensen getting married in secret and your friend and costar, Robert Downey Jr, revealing it during a comic con.

Imagine dating Jeffrey in secret for some time and announcing you got engaged only to break Jensen’s heart, who is your best friend and was always in love with you.

Imagine Jared making a comment about how you and Jensen give each other heart eyes all the time and you getting back at him for it.

Imagine having a live on facebook while in bed and your secret and very naked boyfriend who is sleeping next to you, Jensen, crashing it by revealing your relationship by accident.

Dean x Reader x Sam Imagines

Imagine telling the boys how much you like Sam’s beard and showing the weak spot you have for men with a beard too.

Imagine telling the boys how much you like Sam shaving and showing the weak spot you also have for men without a beard, just to tease them more.

Imagine after being freed from Michael, Dean finding out that you and Sam are got in a relationship. Just as he was ready to confess to you that he’s been in love with you for years.

Imagine Michael wanting to break Dean by showing to him that you, his huntring partner and ex, are in a relationship with Sam. Even though Dean is still in love with you.

Steve Rogers Imagines

Imagine Steve being your bodyguard and you flirting with him and trying to get him to loosen up but making him flustered.

Other Characters Imagines

Imagine taking the boys on a surprise vacation because they need it.

Imagine going out on a date with Crowley.

Detective Loki Imagines

Imagine being Keller’s oldest daughter and meeting detective Loki when he takes up the case of your missing sister. Only for him to make it personal because of you and his newly found feelings for you.

Bill Skarsgard Imagines

Imagine the morning after in your bed with Bill for the first time, where you love to tease him.

[hetalia-has-a-secretary]

Ok, this is going to be a bit funny but how do you imagine the axis and the allies being old? Wrinkles, gray hair included.

I'm... I'm literally just going to... Oh no now I'm thinking about growing old with Ivan

ʕ º ᴥ ºʔ crud...

Human AU: Allies and Axis get old

Allies:

America:

Yeah, he's certainly going deaf in at least one ear, so he's so much louder than before.

Despite his age he can still probably hurl cars. Like he's one of the few good looking men when they got older.

His hair is more silver than white, but that adorable cowlick is now an embarrassing bald spot.

He's not wrinkly other than the deep smile lines, and crow's feet (those lines on the temple next to your eye for those who don't know what crow's feet are)

His hands have faint moles and light brown patches. They're also kind of dry.

He's been ironically dying for the day he can go full grampa mode, and wears nothing but Hawaii shirts from Walmart and a stupid baseball cap.

He might be tough, but he has a beer gut of sorts. And he smells like fancy cologne.

England:

Oh my poor baby I'm sorry...

I can totally seeing him missing teeth and needing dentures

And no it's not because he's British, don't start with me.

He now has to comb over his hair to hide that receding hairline.

But honestly, his hair went dark gray, with hints of white highlights and honestly is a strong 7/10 on the sexy old man scale. And his eyebrows are still thick, but because of his hair grayish you won't notice until your up close.

And about the dentures, he takes them out to scare people sometimes because they annoy him.

He's not frail, but the arthritis his hands kills him, and it ticks him off. He misses his embroidery!

His face is slightly wrinkly under the eyes, and his face is sagging a little giving him a grouchy look.

But he's still a gentleman through and through.

This guy has hearing aids, but has a grandchild who took it upon themselves to add a unicorn sticker to it. He refuses to take it off...

France:

He's probably the best looking man. Like think of Hugh grant and Peirce brosnan where he has the smile and chrisma of Hugh, but the look of a fashion model boss of Peirce. (I had to look up SO MANY OLD MEN YOUR WELCOME)

Will not let his age stop him from dressing up in tuxes, and wearing designer shades and glasses.

"He says it's the wine, I'm calling BS and it's just because he's a lucky jerk" England, probably.

Wanna know what's more sexy than old fashion model France? Those sexy tan lines that block out a tank top, and swim shorts.

He's in fairly good shape, and since America is older and a bit weaker the two of them are head to head with strength.

But if you touch this man his skin is kind of loose despite not seeming to be.

He is extremely annoyed at how quickly his back and chest hair seem to grow now.

Also his long hair is now dark gray and always combed back. He really just has the vibes of a millionaire, but he anonymously leaves checks to hospitals and food centers.

China:

Basic, quiet, Old Chinese man.

Can and will kick both America and France's butts if given the chance.

He's super patient and always thinks before speaking.

Look wise he's pretty average, but one look in his eyes let's you know he's still a child deep down.

Has completely gotten over "I'm old and mature" phase of his 30's and likes to mess with everyone by being the personification of Master Splinter from Ninja turtles (Think old, wise, and never giving a direct anwser Because there's a lesson to be learned)

He has freckles on the back of his neck, and no one has told him so he doesn't even know.

Wrinkly hands that are callused from the hard work he does.

Has slight carpel tunnel, but still does martial arts and Tai chi.

His hair is dark gray with some silver strands, and he has a little bit of a goatee.

Russia:

He has said screw it and shaved his head to everyone's surprise. But on a side note he has a nice short gray beard.

Just kidding the hair came back but it never goes further than a few inches.

He's somehow more intimidating as well, but now is the sweetest old man. So he hasn't changed other than finally figuring out how to communicate.

He's a little bit like china in the sense he thinks before speaking. You can still get things to go over his head.

Knitting skills will put literally anyone's grandmother to shame.

He has an almost angry look when he's deep in thought or confused, and has wrinkles through most of his face, his eyes have sunken In a bit, and his eyebrows are rivaling England's. He looks like the stereotype of an old biker.

But when he smiles he gives off the 'best grandfather who smothers their grandkids with ice cream' vibes.

He has switched his scarf out for one of those green beanie caps you see sailors wear.

Scratch that he wears all types of hats, and only wears scarfs when outside.

His clothing style is still just as elaborate as before, and he's thought it funny to wear old fashion Russian clothes.

Turtle necks and khakis are his best friends.

Has the case of flubby belly but his arms and cafes are muscular and puts everyone else to shame. Sorry American.

Axis:

Germany:

It's weird how he looks like Prussia now.

Wrinkles? Don't know then. Crow's eyes that's all he has and maybe one or two forhead wrinkles.

He's not as muscular since he's decided to do what he's been dying to do his whole life.

Dogs. He walks dogs, babysits dogs, has a breeding program, and works at a dog shelter. Also helps rescue dogs.

Ladies love him, dogs love him more.

He's mellowed out as well, and is missing the front left tooth on the top row after some guy at a bar said his old hands couldn't win a fight. They were wrong.

He's letting himself bald out to be honest. Not having to deal with his hair means less work and more RnR.

His fashion sense is still the same.

Can still out drink people's weight in beer, but gets hangovers now, so that sucks.

Mmm- Cracked and slightly yellow fingernails anyone? We got both hands and feet. He hates it.

Italy talked him into going to a salon and all the woman there adore him, so he's a regular. Has 100% let a little girl paint his nails while she waited on mom.

Japan:

He's mad because he's ridiculously short and hunched over.

He regrets not getting his back checked out when he was younger.

He's achieved: Irration! He still can't get angry, but please don't push him.

Still knows way too much about technology, and is actually head of his own tech support company, so he's actually the richest out of them all but you'd never know.

He spends a lot of time with China now and they're inseparable (finally!!!).

Wrinkly old man. But still kind of cute.

Can't get his friendly womanly neighbor to stop flirting with him, and he slowly remembers why he was a shut in when he was a teen.

His skin is also littered with freckles, and he has no idea why or how.

He gets his hair dyed black so not even I, the hetalia secretary, know what his hair color is.

Italy:

Ya boy is wearing guchi designer and is fine AF.

Actually works with France at the local pawn shop, but dresses like an Italian Mafia boss. A lot of watches. Like, that's all he wants.

Has a cologne for every day of the week.

He now also wears sunglasses quite often, and is a LOT more serious then when he was younger. Like, he's just the calmest sweetheart to exist, but it's not hard to get him going.

He enjoys telling stories and is up there with Russia on the narrator scale. He's very vivid when he spins tales, and only lacks Russia's voicing ability.

He has Hawaii shirts but wears them better than America. Sorry again America.

He has wrinkles but they're not deep ones, but his arms are kind of hairy.

His actual hair is silver-ish white, and he loves having it combed and slicked back. He jokes that it's an homage to Germany's younger hair days.

[steampunkworldsfair]

Reasons to never attend anything run by Jeff Mach

We’ll let him speak for himself.  Published on Medium on 2/25/19. Not directly linked because he shouldn’t get the clicks. TW: Rape, consent violations, general grossness

TL:DR as posted elsewhere by David Christman: Jeff Mach, the former owner of Steampunk World's Fare and Wicked Faire, boasts about how being accused of sexual misconduct has made him more sexually desirable.No. Really. He brags about it. That he's more desirable since being labeled a sexual abuser.This is the kind of person Jeff is. This is the twisted pile of flaming garbage he truly is. And he's no longer trying to hide it.

----------------------------

Jeff Mach

Feb 25

So when I was a Fetlife darling, one of the top ten Kinky and Popular writers, running well-known fetish events, I got quite a lot of offers — partly due to those things, partly due to my book on submission, my visible skills, and the knowledge you earn after 25 years in the kink world. And partly, of course, due to my politics, my strict social-justice, ban-’em-all-and-let-God-sort-’em-out stances.

When I was accused of horrible misconduct and “Jeff Mach allegations” became the phrase which followed me on Google, all that stopped.

…YEAH, RIGHT!

I can’t begin to describe how many more offers I get from people, now that I am “banned”. As it turns out — and this is not public knowledge — I’m recovering from my divorce; I have trust issues; and I have dedicated myself to rebuilding things like Evil Expo and recovering from the ending/divorce of a 13-year relationship. I am actually a celibate. But that’s not the point.

It’s true. I have experienced a 90% drop in offers short-haired (and blue/pink/green-haired) women who wear politically progressive t-shirts. Which is a pity, because I’m a fan of those people.

But I’ve received about a 200% increase in somewhat more traditional women who have asked if I’d like to “get together”, “spend a weekend”, or, in many cases, “take a quick trip to the restaurant”. I thought “want to try my new whip?” and “I’m not wearing panties” were pick-up lines of the 90s. But no, they’re quite real.

I’m NOT denigrating people who are offering my sex or play — not by any stretch of the imagination. I feel grateful, I feel flattered, and some of them have been the most interesting, articulate, attractive people I’ve met in almost three decades of the scene.

I’m just fascinated.

I embarked, by choice, on a trip of semi-celibacy, and semi-monogamy, especially during the first year of my exile, while I was working hard on myself.

But I simply had no idea what was going to be offered to me.

And I don’t go to kink parties — I wasn’t a big partygoer back in the day. Doesn’t matter. Happens at Goth events. Happens at concerts. Happens online. And these aren’t people who are ignorant of the allegations, or even people who think they’re not true.

They think the allegations are true, they think I’m a Dangerous Top, and they consider it HOT AS F*CK.

I’m not sure how to feel here. I was never a “consent advocate” to get laid. I expected that I’d date people with similar politics. But those things were never part of how I met or played with people; those things tended to rely on short discussions in person, then long, long correspondences, long negotiations, long discussions in person, more negotiation…

…..a lot of people dropped out during this process. Or were pretty much picked up in front of me by people who said, “Hey, let’s go do a thing. Just tell me where I can’t leave marks and what I’m allowed to penetrate.”

Now that I’m labelled a Dangerous Top, an Unsafe Dominant, a Manipulative Monster Who Forces His Will On Those Around Him…

…..I could start a Japanese vending machine with all the panties that get handed to me. I could take a vacation just travelling to the places where people invite me to their homes and hotel rooms.

Here’s a thing, O best beloved:

The Kink Scene of 2017 was a time of shakeup, power plays, and redistribution of authority. Applying current social norms to kink events of five or ten or fifteen years later meant that most people who’d done a reasonable amount of play were now considered Guilty of Abuse — and the more people who label you guilty, the more others are encouraged to come forward. It’s natural; they see others getting acclaim and support and status and (frankly) social media clout and influence by taking you down; they hear you’re a Horrible Person; and suddenly, they remember that scene they had with you ten years ago, when you did That Unmentionable Thing.

(Current favorite moment of irony: I have a very vehement accuser who claims that I did [nonsexual] play with a [legal] sixteen-year-old college student. I’ve got a picture of him beating her — in public. It’s ironic. And it’s sad. But his friend runs the website that’s gone after me; they’re not going to post stories about him.)

And it doesn’t matter, because this is all a sidenote. To the proponents of Social Ostracism and Shaming, I say:

It ain’t working.

Or — I definitely know some of my brethrin who, like me, are heartbroken, unsure about the world, traumatized, and spending their time in self-recrimination.

But we don’t have to be. We COULD just be screwing our brains out.

And those of us who are accused, but just plain don’t care? (Yes, Tim, you’re the first person I look at.) Well, everything he said is starting to make sense. Is he giving submissives what they want? Does he deserve to be at the top of everyone’s playlist?

I don’t know. All I know is that M has gone silent and underground. I’m here, writing books. But it’s really, really clear that there are a LOT of bottoms who were turned off by my bland, hyperconsent-focused, heavily-negotiated, cautious, “Let’s talk more” kink, who figure that now that I’ve left that world, I’m DTF, hardcore, and ready to give them erotic satisfaction like Robert Downey, Jr. being paired with the Winchester brother’s in someone’s 300-page erotic BDSM novel.

So now I know a secret. I’m not sure I wanted to know this. I don’t know what to do with it — so far, I’ve done nothing (except, of course, write):

Being taken down for #MeToo allegations, in the kink community, has opened up the doors to more kink opportunities than I’ve had in the past 25 years combined.

In addition to all the other problems — the witch hunts, the mob mentalities, the cultures of fear, the damage to (and death of) kink events, the discrediting of kink in news media, the disillusioning of a younger generation —

— it’s just possible that the “punishment” of exiling a dominant for being “too much like the sexy, rapey protagonist of the stories to which we get off” might not actually work.

If I could sail, do needlework, or take vacations, I’d be able to hoist a mast made of panties sewn together, and set off for Tahiti.

I really feel like that’s not what was intended when people decided I was a monster.

Here’s the bottom line:

Mob justice doesn’t work. Social shaming is a blunt instrument which does extraordinary harm, whether or not it also does good. But even if you ignore those things —

Calling #MeToo and shutting off kink practitioners, trying to remove their voices, attacking them and never having conversations —

— simply results in a world where they have more opportunities than you can imagine.

This is a bad method for dealing with consent issues. We need a better one.

Jeff Mach

(author, educator, dominant)

[cheeseandpoofies]

Entré - pt. 2

summary : Shawn is trying to build a conversation with Rachel, while the things between him and Hailey isn’t as good as they used to be. And Rachel kind of feel bad for the whole thing. On the other side, Rachel has a part of her personal life to be concerned on.

word count : 2,526

warning: none, except that Rachel’s personal life taking half of the whole part

Shawn is not really happy with the fact Rachel didn’t come back to his place and joins him with Ansel. Ansel told him that she might be staying on her supposed table due to her manager or her own choice. Either way, he assures him he'll try to get Rachel and ask her to join the after party.

Shawn doesn’t want to look desperate so he just goes okay with whatever Ansel says. Though, he's kind of bitter.

He doesn’t know what's going on with him, to be frank. He saw her at an award show last year for the first time and was in starstruck, can't even drag his own leg to reach her and introduce himself. He's usually very friendly and easy to make friends with people but seems like Rachel is an exception.

Maybe because she works in a different field than him, or maybe because she's the daughter of Robert Downey Jr., maybe he's simply too timid. There are a lot of reasons but he knows he’s just making excuses. 

And now that she's in the same event as him, she seems like trying to avoid him the best she canㅡor that's he feels like.

Ansel with her is one other thing. Shawn knows Ansel is a friend of Rachel, and it kind of makes him.. jealous? Not that kind of jealous, but because she looks pretty relaxed and easy going when she's around Ansel. Something he definitely can't beat for the moment.

So when the Gala finished Shawn prepares to leave immediately to have an interview before going to the after party. He takes Hailey's hand, having his heart wanders to some other place. His eyes scanning the hall full of people.

And he sees her, in a sea of people. Standing tall, looking so confident, on her shoulder hanging a purse with the same tone of her dress that he doesn’t remember he saw earlier. He notices she's with Letitia, and the Black Panther guyㅡChadwick, isn't he?

"I think I need to go to the restroom, is that okay with you?" Shawn asks.

"Right now?" Hailey frowns with the sudden question.

"Yeah, I'll get you later in your room."

Hailey looks unimpressed with it but she doesn't want to have a debate over little things so she just nods, "Call me later, ‘kay?"

"Okay," Shawn pecks the top of her head. And with that, Hailey leaves him with Ansel. Shawn watches her until she gets to see the Jenner sisters, makes him turns around to reach someone he's been dying to see.

+

Rachel prepares to walk outside the hall, reaching Brad and goes back to the hotel. She knows there's an after party but she's not sure to go or not. She loves parties, she really does. But tonight isn’t the day and she’s not in the mood to go partying. Half of herself wants to go back home, snuggling under the blanket and sleep. Sadly she's not going home until at least next week, or that what she's planned with.

Another half of herself, well, wants to go party just to have some fun. 

“Hey,” a voice greets her from her back, making her turn around. She’s in disbelief as she finds Shawn Mendes standing in front of her again, looking as good as she remembers he is a few hours ago. 

“Oh, hi?” 

“I’m disappointed you didn’t come to my table earlier,” he starts the conversation as they both keep walking. 

Rachel slows down her steps, slightly looking around trying to find someone that might be eavesdropping, but people here are too busy on their own. “I- uh, yea sorry I didn’t go as I said before. I met my friend here so I thought I’ll be just staying. 

“Ah, is that so?”

Rachel nods and looks straight to Shawn’s eyes this time and gives him a tint of a smile. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine! We all have our own choices, I’m just a bit disappointed with it.”

Rachel doesn’t reply, but she let her smile stays on her face for a while as she knows he might be still around. He’s very attractive for her if that’s not sound obvious already. It’s pretty hard to stay low and not showing her liking too obvious that probably makes him cringing on her on something. 

“So, are you going to the after party?” Shawn starts asking again, they now are in front of the hall, ready to go down the stairs and go back to their own cars and vans.

“I don’t know, I think I’m just staying at the hotel after this.”

Shawn, once again, looking a bit disappointed. It is too obvious on his face and expressions, but Rachel doesn’t seem to get it. 

“Why?”

“You know, I’m not in the mood for that,” she shrugs, looks down on the stairs and carefully taking steps. 

“That’s bad, I thought you’re a party person.” 

“Well, I am.”

His smile creeps on his beautiful face as she replies with a rather excited tone, “Really?”

“Yeah, who doesn’t? I like it, I’ve been going to lots of parties to the point people don’t consider they’re lucky if they met me at the parties,” she laughs, making him laugh along. 

They are starting to connect to each other, they know that. He, especially, knows that. It’s definitely the early step but he’s glad he’s making it. She's such a sweet person and he knows that. The more she talks to him the more he's drawn into her.

"I'd consider myself as a lucky person if I had the chance, though."

Rachel laughs, "Seriously, don't"

"Why not?"

"Just don't, Mendes." she's still all smiling, giving him heart flutters. "But maybe you can be lucky next time."

"Will there be next time for that?" his voice is rising up a bit with excitement. A good sign for him, obviously.

She chuckles, "There will always be next time for many things, Mendes."

He likes it. He likes the way she calls his last name as if it means a lot to him. And the way she speaks to him teasingly like this, he considers himself lucky this time. He's about to take his phone out now, asking her number because he knows this is the right time. But then he realizes the number of people around him is a lot, with the reporters calling out his name and hers to get their attention, he knows this is not it. He looks around before switching back to Rachel, noticing the changes in her expression.

He keeps his phone inside and tries to casually walk beside her. She's slowing down as she takes her phone out and about to make a call. He watches her in silence.

"Hey, I'm already outside," Rachel speaks the moment someone picks up her call. "Yeah, yeah, where are you?"

She turns around and sees someone Shawn doesn’t know waves his hand to them, to Rachel. She turns off the call and turns around.

"I gotta go now. It's a pleasure to see you tonight." She gives him a last smile before turning around and leaving him behind.

"WaitㅡRachel!"

She doesn’t even turn her back to see him for the last time, let alone letting him finish his see you later message for now. Shawn stares at her bare back deeply, thinking if it's okay to shout in the middle of the sea of people like this.

So he continues with rather a soft tone. "It's my pleasure as well to see you, Rachel.”

+

Rachel really doesn't fly back to California as she has some other things in New York. Few of her crews have fly back, leaving her with only Danielle, Brad and Seth. She doesn't have any plan to go anywhere, so here she's laying down in the hotel room. Scrolling through her social media feeds, checking the pictures from the last nightㅡshe didn't look bad, thankfully.

There, she finds a picture of Shawn with Hailey. Looking all lovey-dovey side by side, clearly happy to make debut as a couple on the red carpet. She sighs, she isn't supposed to feel like this. She doesn't even understand her feelings, but clearly, this is not right.

There are pictures from after party too, he took off his suit and left him with a white long shirt as his top. Hailey has changed her dress, and her hair is rolled in a bun. Something doesn't look okay, she thinks. Maybe the way Shawn walks before Hailey, or the way Hailey keeps looking down on the road as paparazzi came in.

Paparazzi can be very annoying though, Rachel agrees on that. But, why?

Her phone suddenly changes its screen. A call is coming, making her frowns in surprise. It's Susan.

She picks up, "What's up, Mom?"

"Sweetheart, I thought you're still not sober," she sounds so relieved, for something Rachel can't understand

Rachel laughs softly, "Mom what do you mean? I'm not drunk!"

"Yeah, but you know how wild Hollywood can be, Rachel. Where're you?

"My hotel room. Mom, it's alright. I didn't go to the party last night and went straight back to the hotel."

"Really?"

"Yeah? What makes you think I'm not sober?"

"I called you three times around half an hour ago but you didn't answer, so I thought you're sleeping."

Rachel frowns, just realized her mom called a few minutes ago but she didn't bother to call back. "Yeah, I was having breakfast. I just finished."

"That's good to hear. What time you start filming?"

"The commercial ads? Mm, it starts tomorrow, we only have a technical meeting today."

"It's three days of filming?"

"Yeah, mom, as I told you before."

"I know.." she hears a sigh from across the phone and she knows right away, there must be something else Susan wants to say.

"What is it, mom?"

"Listen, Rachel. I know maybe you're not gonna like this idea. But, I think you should make a visit since you'll be there for a week or more."

Rachel went silent. She knows what Susan probably means but she's not sure. "You mean..?"

"Yes, Rachel. Go visit your mom, she's going to like it."

Rachel knew right before she left the house a few days ago. Susan has been hinting on her about the idea of visiting her biological mother. She doesn't hate her mother, it is just she hasn't met Deborah since, she forgot, one year ago? And Rachel hasn't lived with her mother since she's five years old and they're not that close since then. After all these things, thought of being around her mother is.. Awkward.

"Rachel, are you still there?"

"Yeah."

"What do you think about it?"

Rachel sighs, "I don't know, mom. You're my mom since God knows when I don’t think me visiting her will change anything."

"It won't change anything, Rachel. She's your mother too, a biological one on top of that."

"I knooow!" Rachel starts to feel frustrated. She knows what Susan means and she just doesn't want to do that. It's gonna be hard for her.

"Was it Dad's idea?"

"Not really, it's mine. You can talk to her for a few hours and leave, just... Think about it, okay?"

"Mm, kay."

"Good. I love you, kiddo. Text me to update things there."

"Me too. Okay."

The call ended. Rachel stares at the sky through her windows, thinking about everything her mom just said to her. As much as she wants to ignore the fact that she hasn’t visited her mother since one year ago, she can’t. She kind of misses her, but she doesn’t know what to do. Being around her mother is really awkward, probably because they rarely spend time together.

Rachel spent her childhood with her dad most of the time, sometimes she met her mother and her brother. But it didn’t happen each week or month. And the time when his father got the big role, getting bigger and bigger every day, she’s breaking apart from her mother. Rachel thinks she’s really Dad’s daughter.

Her mother rarely calls her though, sometimes she does to ask Rachel’s life, talking about her day and such. But not so much, Rachel barely waits for her mother’s call.

And now she starts to think her mother doesn’t want to meet her either.

Rachel spends her whole week in New York, commercial filming in three days, she spends the next day being dragged to another upcoming project by a sports brand, even though they haven’t signed anything yet. And the rest of the week going to places, meet with some costars she befriends with, and all.

On the last day in New York before flying back to California tomorrow, Rachel managed to get escaped from Brad & Dan’s watch in the early morning. Taking a cab to the address she still has from her old emails. Rachel doesn’t tell anyone about visiting her mom, she doesn’t like Brad and Dan knows about her private life, even though they’re like her family already.

She arrives pretty early, climbs off the cab and stands in front of the tall building. Rachel checks the address she saved on notes, before making sure herself she’s ready. 

She never said she likes being in the spotlight, did she? She knows some people pay attention to her as she walks inside the elevator after received the I.D card from the receptionist table. But she decides to just let them be, it’s not like they’re asking who is she, anyway.

The closer she gets to her mother’s place, the nervous she is. She scans numbers on the doors before stopping her step in one of them. The door that pretty much being the only thing that separates her and her mother.

Rachel presses the bell, hiding her face for the whole time she waits there. There’s no answer, so she presses it again, and knowing her heart beats faster more than she knows.

The door opens, Rachel holds her breath. A woman in her fifty stands right after her, looking sleepy and uneven.

“Rachel?”

Rachel stares at her. It’s her, her mother.

“Hi. Yeah, it’s me.”

Her mother stares at her back, trying to collect herself before frowning. “What are you doing here?”

+

It wasn’t a good idea, it never was. She didn’t know why she ends up on a Starbucks but she did, with both eyes puffed from crying, nose getting red and lips are shivering. She managed to hold back when she ordered, though. But the minute she arrived on her table right at the corner, she couldn’t hold back her tears.

Rachel let her tears fall in silence for a few minutes before manage to collect herself and stops her cry. She clears her throat and wipes out the tears left on her face. She definitely won’t let herself be spotted in a Starbucks, alone, crying on the corner, miles away from home.

You have the image to take care of, she said to herself.

So she takes her coffee, sips it fast as she stands up and turns around. She needs to go back now.

“Rachel?”

She almost jumps in surprise. 

“Shawn?”

&&&

A/N : I’m sorry if this sucks, at first I post the first part just to make sure i keep my writing online and i didn’t think it would receive much loves, thank you! 

i have a lot of thoughts running inside my head about how this chapter should be written, i really think i need to focus on Rachel’s side for now, but i promise many Shawn’s moments coming up! also i keep the name of her mother to make it less real (even i doubt should i write about it or not at first, i hope i don’t offend anyone, this is pure fictional). 

and i need some put in about Rachel’s ex or someone who’s interested with her for upcoming chapters, if you have a name, let me know. 

[missytearex]

To Read List - Narry

This list is purely for myself to keep track of everything I still want to read. Its gonna change as I actually read though them and find more stuff to add.

Find fics I’ve already read here.

Narry

It Feels Like Years by wasp

It's easy to stop thinking, worrying, when he's with Niall, like it's all on instinct. (Community college!AU where basically Niall and Harry fall in love and there's kittens and cuddling for warmth and woo-ing and Liam and Louis are hopeless).

good enough to eat by brokendrums

Niall meets Harry on the set of Masterchef and is instantly attracted to him, even if he is a bit of a dick and far too smug for his own good. He finally cracks his determined exterior and a pretty mind blowing set of blowjobs later they start tentatively seeing each other, only Harry is far too invested in the competition and he just doesn’t have time for distractions like Niall

A MasterChef AU.

does it almost feel like nothing changed at all by estrella30

“You don’t have room to talk,” Louis says, pointing a finger at Harry and narrowing his eyes. “Seeing as how you were seventy five million years late to the meeting today.”

“Well I’m bloody well here now!” Harry shouts. Everyone goes quiet, Zayn even manages to pause whatever Robert Downey Jr. is doing on the telly, and it’s right then, in the middle of the first split second of quiet since Harry arrived that he hears it.

“Wait,” Harry says, cocking his head to the side and listening more closely. “Is that a baby crying?”

OR: Niall gets a baby left w him and Harry moves in to help him take care of her

And Maybe by CharacterDevelopment

“I want to kiss you,” Harry says slowly and nerve-wrackingly honest.

Niall blinks at him. “What?”

“Kissing. I want to kiss you, put our lips together, do the mouth tango, play tonsil hockey—”

Niall interrupts him. “I know what kissing is, Harry.”

“Well, you asked,” Harry says, defensive.

Broken-Hearted Boy by NarryMusings

Niall has watched Harry get his heart broken time after time, again and again. Harry just wants someone to love him. But Niall has always loved him and now that he's finally fed up with Harry not seeing it, Niall tells him.

If We Don't Leave This Town by EvilFriendOfMine

Harry moves to London and begins working at a small bookstore, when a blond-haired, blue-eyed Irishman runs into the store to hide from some no-so-friendly looking men. A relationship sparks but it's anything but easy as Harry has to deal with Niall being a key member of the London Irish Crew, along with his two friends, Louis and Liam. But Niall dreams of getting out one day and taking his friends and Harry with him, but leaving is a lot harder than any of them ever thought it would be.

a little drop for me by littlemissmeggie

Niall was amazed how much had changed in a year, how it didn’t hurt anymore. He’d been drowning in heartache and pain for months and suffocated by the weight of his sorrow.

And then he’d met Harry and been scared and heartbroken again, worried to love and hesitant to be loved. But Harry hadn’t left. He’d showed Niall what unconditional love—romantic unconditional love—felt like, whether out of naive innocence or stubborn determination, Niall wasn’t sure.

or...

If anyone asked Niall how he thought he would meet the love of his life, he wouldn’t have said that he expected to find him lying naked on the beach when he went for a walk at sunrise while on holiday.

future full of yesterdays by fliptomybside

Niall studies astrophysics, Harry studies Niall.

the parting line by from

Harry and Niall get married for a year to save twelve-thousand jobs (and maybe a couple of lives).

feels like home by outwardbound93

Harry shouldn’t feel so much like a little boy tucked into his sister’s side when he spent most of last night twined around Niall in his bed, competing to see who could get the other off more times. But growing up doesn’t seem to work like that. It’s not a switch that gets flicked, it’s like seeing where you want to go and building yourself a bridge to that place. Sometimes where you end up is nothing like you expected, and sometimes it’s like coming home.

out of the woods by countthestars

“Hi,” the boy says, leaning forward and resting his elbows on the counter, body language open in invitation. Niall half expects him to tip his chin up and bare his throat, but instead his smile grows wider, pulling crookedly at his mouth.

Niall's Kitchen by countthestars

Niall and Harry both have youtube cooking channels, and accidentally become rivals. An epistolary fic, of sorts.

must have been the mistletoe by countthestars

“Hey, Harry,” Niall says, voice low and conspiratorial. “Look up.”

“What?” Harry whispers back, because there's a lot to look at up there, blinking lights and boughs of garland and... “is that mistletoe?”

“'Fraid so,” Niall confirms. His lips twitch like he's fighting a smile, but he keeps a straight face as he taps his finger against his mouth. “It's bad luck not to kiss someone underneath mistletoe.”

hold me closer tiny dancer by countthestars

Dancing isn't really Harry's strong suit. Niall doesn't really care.

The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows by KelliDiane

Unlike other kids of successful, wealthy parents Harry isn't skating by on good looks. Nor is he fifty piña coladas deep in Hawaii. Instead he spends his time learning, whether it's by reading a mountain of texts or hands on at his father's lab. There's an unspoken understanding between his father and himself that he'll take control of the company when his father no longer can. Harry would rather be well versed when he does, science really does interest him. If it interests him because it's genuinely cool or if it interests him because his father pays some kind of attention to him, well.

or

Another superpowers fic that nobody asked for.

remember that time on the bus by estrella30

“Yeah, sure,” Harry says. He smiles and shrugs happily. “I’m good with that.” He gestures to himself on the couch. “You want to like—like now?”

“No! Not now, I mean. One day. In the future.” Niall chews on his thumb and shrugs. “When we’re bored or something.”

Harry snorts a quiet laugh. Only Niall would think shagging a mate would be a good way to kill some time when bored on the bus.

Well. All right. It’s not as if the thought’s never crossed Harry’s mind.

or: harry and niall start shagging

stay, stay, stay. . . (stay.) by badjujuboo (miztrezboo)

Niall keeps a gun by the bed now.

Harry doesn't think Niall knows he knows.

OR an au of the on the streets/gangland type description, drug and alcohol use, violence offscreen, past rough sex (barely mentioned), romantic sex (because we need both sides), somewhat discussed unprotected sex, guns and being shot at and shot, and minor character death (because its a gangland fic and i'm sorry?)

show me by zouee

"i was thinking..." harry begins, scratching the back of his neck hesitantly. he feels niall's eyes on him and his cheeks start to feel hot. "what if we made a sex tape?"

the one where niall and harry are roommates who are close to broke, and are desperate to do anything for money.

high on a pleasure wheel by brokendrums

Niall wakes up the morning after the Billboard Awards married to Harry. Too hungover to face the media storm, he takes up Harry’s offer to drive him home to LA.

the taste was sweeter by brokendrums

On his 18th birthday, Niall travels into the future and ends up meeting his 24 year old self.

only talk about a bruise by brokendrums

With the eclipse fast approaching, the pack is thrown into crisis. New to it all, Harry tries to find his place.

see me in a new light by brokendrums

Niall joins the production team for Planet Earth II and Harry has an interesting proposition.

my remedy for yesterday by brokendrums

It’s been three years since One Direction finally parted ways. Three long years where Niall’s stayed away from home on a never ending holiday. Three years since he’s seen Harry in the flesh and not just splashed across the tabloids or overplayed on the radio.

Niall’s just docked his boat in Ibiza, ready to soak up the sun, when an unexpected accident brings Harry into his life again. And while Niall recuperates on Harry’s patch of sandy white beach old feelings start to emerge, not all of them pleasant.

If we dream forever, whatever happens next by brokendrums

Niall meets Harry on the train and can't stop thinking about him. Then one evening when they get off the train, Harry invites him back to his.

all of the places i ain't ever been by theamazingpeterparker

Harry takes his dinner back to his bedroom, determined to chip away at his book that he came here to write. He’s not sure what it really is yet but he knows he wants it to be in the countryside, maybe a love story without the distractions of a city or a corporate job or a huge population to get in the way.

Or, Harry rents a room on a farm in exchange for working as a farmhand.

something softer than us by theamazingpeterparker

He almost told him then, leaning forward like the thought hit him with enough force that he'd say it out loud. He had bit his tongue, let Niall carry on his explanation against the backdrop of a setting sun across the river from the ballpark. Harry supposes then that he'd loved Niall for a long time now, anyway.

Niall's cat's name is Lunchbox, Louis has definitely been in love, Zayn won't shut up about the Antonine Plague, and Harry doesn't know how to tell Niall that he's in love with him.

dear, i'm always running towards you by goreallegore

He blocks it all out, the cheers, the profanities of overzealous fans from the opposing team, and focuses on one thing, a soft gravelly voice, “Good things take time.”

Or; Niall plays for FC Barcelona, and Harry's a photographer.

a better beginning by goreallegore

Zayn and Liam are attached to the hip, Louis is always putting his foot where it's not needed, and Niall and Harry are ever so quietly in love.

a rising tide like an hour glass by goreallegore

Harry climbs over him, his legs slotting on either sides of Niall, his body flush against Niall’s. He nibbles on Niall’s lowerlip, then licks the seam of his mouth and causes him to elicit a soft - needy - moan. No feelings in the Glade, Niall remembers. Or, he doesn’t. It’s all kind of a haze to be honest.

Or; Niall and Harry are runners.

cook up a recipe for my beating heart by goreallegore

“So, what say wanna live with me? I’ll cook Sunday breakfasts,” Niall says.

“And I’ll make your favorite pastry,” Harry replies.

“Tarte Tartin.” Cause that’s what their love is. A bit of sour and sweet.

Or; Niall and Harry cook.

can't believe I captured your heart by goreallegore

Niall shrugs, “thanks, couldn’t bear living on campus after freshmen year. So moved in here my second year with me mate.”

Harry nods, pausing to repeat Niall’s words in his head, “wait, you’re not a second year?” Please don’t say senior. Please.

“Third year.” Thank god.

Harry sighs in relief, “so ready for the movie?”

Or; Niall likes movies. And Harry is just trying to figure himself out.

baby, we're like a time bomb by goreallegore

“You know that frown thing doesn’t suit you. Look like a lost pug or summat,” he chuckles, his grip tight on the steering wheel.

“I like pugs,” Harry answers simply, and Niall has to turn and look at the boy next to him and it really shouldn’t surprise him because he has known this since day one, but Harry is beautiful. Even the frown that has found a new home on his always smiling face looks pretty – could call it painfully beautiful.

“I do too, though, I like happy ones. Don’t you?” he prods, and that does it as he turns, again, to find a smiling Harry, “there it is. I knew there was something missing.”

Harry ducks his head, avoiding Niall’s gaze, “you’re doing it again.”

“Doing what?”

“Flirting.”

Or; there are timers, but Harry and Niall are too in love to care.

the whole world is sleeping, but my world is you by goreallegore

“Say if I were to leave for forever, would it be okay?”

Niall reaches for Harry’s hand, intertwining their fingers as if the gaps between their fingers were made to be filled by each other, “Only if it makes you happy. ‘Sides, I’d probably follow you to ends of time. Can’t afford losing me best mate.” A slight blush decorates Niall’s cheeks and the dim lighting of the room makes the boy look – ethereal, Harry thinks. Harry is completely endeared by the sight before him.

Or; Harry lives his dreams and Niall helps him save them.

the name forever on my lips is yours by goreallegore

“What did you forget?” his voice was small, Niall was afraid that Harry might’ve not heard him but the look on his face said the opposite.

“I never clearly told you how I feel about you,” Harry stopped to pull out a journal from his back pocket, “I wrote about it you see.” He was holding a battered moleskin that seemed like it had ink all over it. Niall had seen it before but never dared to ask what it was; but now that Harry stood in front of him shyly flipping through the pages, he realized what it was. Niall felt like he was running short on air.

Or; Niall is a modern day Prince and Harry is no damsel in distress.

First Person by Gorgeous Nerd (gorgeousnerd)

Harry doesn't know why Niall wants to see him when he loses a year of memories. But Harry can't go anywhere else.

Follow You Through The Dark by disarm_d

Harry discovers that Niall is a vampire and has some valid concerns.

the mad ones (pool party remix) by irishmizzy, miss_bennie

Harry buys a car in NYC = OT5 road trip to LA. 24-hour diners, shit hotels, Polaroids, golf, line dancing, and too many people in the backseat: this is what dreams are made of.

Christmas Wishes by narrywings

Harry's hoping to go home for a quiet Christmas - but everything gets derailed when Niall calls unexpectedly.

It's Christmas. That Means We Have To Hold Hands. by holyzarrialltrinity

"As the day went on, Niall started worrying less about the way he felt. All he knew is that being around Harry made him feel happy. And being with him in the best city on Earth was even better. It made him forget for a moment about all the stuff back home. He just wanted to be with Harry for however long they had. There was some unspoken romance happening between the two of them and they both could tell. But instead of words, they just held hands really tight."

Niall hates his family. Harry barely has one. But when you spend time with someone new in the greatest city in the world, there's always room for a little change in your life.

love actually is all around by storuns

A small smile appears on Harry’s face and he scoots closer to Niall, resting his head on his shoulder. Niall wraps his arm around him and moves his hand up to rub his shoulder, earning a couple of coos from Louis and Liam across the table. Harry laughs and throws French fries at both of them. He looks up at Niall and grins as he watches him throw his head back in laughter. For some reason, a warm feeling overwhelms his chest and he feels like hugging Niall tightly and kissing all over his face. But, of course, he has control and all he can do is imagine it in his head.

Or the one where Harry and Niall go to Mullingar for Christmas, and stuff happens.

Time Has Brought Your Heart to Me by fakeheaux

Harry meets Niall, and feels a connection, so he gets to know him just a bit more.

Or the one where Harry and Niall are soulmates.

hear this heartbeat breaking through by acastle

He feels another shock of warmth, much more intense, much more overwhelming, as he looks at him. Watches Bailey cling on to this person tightly, laughing as he’s lifted off the ground. He doesn’t know how to describe it, but he’s sure. Very sure, that it is a positive feeling. He doesn’t know how to react to it, really.

(In which Harry is an amateur boxer, raising his son on his own after the hardest few months of his life, then he meets the piano teacher with a beautiful heart.)

a rush inside i can't control by dramaturgicallycorrect

all seems to stay for as long as he can -- that what it feels like to Harry, like Niall’s only ever there until he can’t be there anymore, until something’s tugging him away and he has to follow. Every day he seems to be able to stay longer, sometimes up to hours at a time before he’s tugged away. Every time he goes, Niall leaves his glasses on the kitchen table like a promise.

[Or Harry’s rented a cabin by the woods in Mullingar to write his new album and he doesn’t know that both of his muses are Niall.]

the world still turns by dramaturgicallycorrect

It’s not like he’s not seen any of them over the last eighteen months -- he has – but certainly not all once, not like the way it used to be. Not even the 2015 Way It Used To Be, because even before Zayn left they’d all pretty much tried to do their own thing. Like Just Starting Out Way It Used To Be when they were too scared to let go of each other because they didn’t have anybody else.

Niall had always had his family and the crew and all, but most days it felt like it was just the five of them and nobody else. And the world was laid out in front of them for the taking and they didn’t know who they were or who they wanted to be. Some days Niall still doesn’t know who he is or who he wants to be and he thinks that’s just as comforting as it is terrifying.

You’re not supposed to have it all figured out by age 23. He thinks people forget that sometimes.

[Or Niall organizes a lads’ holiday to see if they still fit.]

let's start right now by dramaturgicallycorrect

He turns to Harry. “Do you mind, like. Can I take a picture of your driver’s license?”

“Yeah,” Harry says easily, fishing his wallet out and presenting him with a California license to match his California plates. He has got an LA address, Niall notes as he snaps a picture. He’s got longer hair in this picture, waving down to brush his shoulders, a far sight from the short crop he's got now. It looks just as good on him, he notes almost subconsciously.

He texts the picture to Louis as Harry puts the license away, give this to the police if I go missing ..

What have you done Neil?? comes Louis’ answer quickly, but Niall ignores it, looks up to find Harry looking back at him.

“It’ll be fun.”

“Promise?”

Harry tilts his head. “I never make promises. You’ll just have to trust me.”

[Or Harry's a professional cross country road trip driver, and Niall is his latest fare.]

call this what you like by dramaturgicallycorrect

“Who was that?” Laura asks, something sly on her face that Niall quite wishes she’d wipe off.

It twists Niall’s stomach anyway, to say, “My mate Harry,” when the truth of it is mates aren’t supposed to catch your breath in your chest talking to them.

He doesn’t know what to do with the feeling, so he presses it away, deep into that box of other nasty feelings he doesn’t want, the ones that haunt him, the you’re never going to get a gig, the you’re going to end up alone.

The thing is, it doesn’t feel like a nasty feeling. It feels like something he should explore instead of hide, because it feels good. But he’s felt it, maybe just once or twice before, and nothing good’s ever come of it. Not a single person’s understood. So Niall locks it up tight and swears he’ll lose the key.

[Or Harry’s looking for love in all the wrong places, and Niall’s not meant to be looking at all.]

only fools rush in by darlingjustdont

niall holds up his hand to show off the band, unthinkingly pushed onto his fourth finger. harry stares at it. “i woke up with it on my thumb.” “did i get one?” says harry, now staring at his own hands. there’s a simple silver ring on his left hand. “oh fuck, i did. holy fuck, niall. i think we got married.”

a post-zayn, non-hiatus au where niall and harry accidentally get married in vegas. it's a bit problematic, mostly because niall's been in love with harry for a long time.

once in your life by wearecities (falsetto)

There’s a moment of silence where Harry considers just passing out right there, head hanging off the bed, because the alcohol’s finally catching up to him in the most unpleasant way. “When we’re thirty?”

“When we’re thirty.” Harry repeats. His eyelids are slowly drooping closed, fingers going slack around the beer he’s clutching. He’s just slipping over the edge when there’s the rustle of material and he squints open one eye to look at Niall.

"We’ve done stupider things.” Niall shrugs.

Niall and Harry make a marriage pact.

and we're starting at the end by dessertmeltdown

The first time Harry sees Niall he's bouncing around bootcamp with a guitar.

See You Later, Boy by marcel

One day, Niall runs Harry over with a skateboard.

Maybe With Me by threeturn

Harry tries to help Niall hook up. Set during the American leg of the TMH tour.

Turn all your grey skies blue. by mogigraphia

Niall's a new single dad, and Harry's his daughter's teacher at the daycare.

it’s kind of our routine by somerdaye

Niall only gets to kiss Harry on New Year’s, and does not in any way want more than that. Really.

You and I Misbehaving by BlackWave

Harry and Niall bake and fail to be proper human adults.

Everything Comes Back To You by Narryornarry

Niall and Harry go to Mullingar, and fall in love in the process.

a true thing by from

NYC, December 2014. Nothing lasts, especially not a shared tub of cereal milk ice cream, but they’re Harry and Niall, and they'll move on with the new.

find a way out of myself again by mozartspiano

harry can't go home so he makes a new one.

AU set in montreal, canada.

Mastering the Art of Friends Cooking by el_em_en_oh_pee

Niall has spent years of practice preparing for his appearance on the Next Food Network Star. He expected his life to change as a result of it - just not quite in this way.

Always Wanna Blow Your Mind by jibrailis

Harry accidentally buys a ring that gives him special sex powers. It’s terribly confusing for everyone involved.

Uncertainty Principle by jibrailis

He didn’t expect this: Australia, the vineyard, and Niall who won’t look him in the eye.

and show me why you deserve to have it all by intherubble

Genetics could go eat a dick as far as Harry is concerned. He just wishes he still had one. (written January 2012)

I Can Be Your New Addiction by estrella30

And that’s another problem. Harry is way too aware of Niall right now to get entirely comfortable. He’s just…

Niall is just there – right there – and Harry is having all sorts of ridiculous thoughts about him.

days grow on colorful trees by criminiallar

He’ll miss nights when they scroll through their phones side by side and Skype with their friends from opposite sides of the room, and he’ll miss leaning over whenever the mood strikes him, nudging his nose against Harry’s jogging bottoms that he’s taken to wearing around the house and looking up with a hopeful grin and Harry leaning back on his elbows with a flourish of his hands before he tips over, smiling at the ceiling with a, “Have at it, then.”

Happy Genius Heroes by BlackWave

Niall is an aspiring evil genius (who isn't very evil at all). Harry is his pretty assistant. Liam is the visiting friend and Louis and Zayn are meddlesome superheroes.

it's the way we are together by roofpizza

Harry leans against the shelf and opens his mouth to say something witty and probably super sexy when Niall interrupts him with a snort. “Do those kinds of lines get you anywhere?”

“Most of the time,” Harry shrugs, and it’s true, because he has quite a bit of charm, and it tends to work in his favor, despite his cheesy lines. “I’m charming.”

“I suppose you are,” Niall laughs, and Harry can’t help the smile that spreads across his face.

you don't need me anymore by outwardbound93

Rain riddles the sea like bullets and the dark storm clouds hang just above ceiling height, but Niall doesn’t have the panicky crushed feeling he sometimes gets. The little house feels cozy with his baby asleep in the next room and Harry’s lip jutting out in a pout.

Or, Niall becomes a dad.

hold on by outwardbound93

Funny, Niall thinks, that for all their success ordinary terrible things happen to them just like anybody else. Girlfriends get tired of the fans or get panicked about too much commitment, and bandmates slip going into the pool and lose five years’ worth of memories.

i sing you like a song i heard when i was young by disequilibrium

Niall never thought he’d find his way back home. But then, the wind works in mysterious ways: a stranger at the door, an impossible escape. A whisper that changes everything, forever, again.

always be your boy by saysthemagpie

In retrospect, becoming part of the world’s biggest boy band might not have been the smartest move for someone with Niall’s 'special condition,' what with the whole never-aging thing and the insatiable thirst for human blood.

Niall's a vampire. Harry's his human boyfriend. Harry thinks he should probably become a vampire, too.

Sad Blue Eyes by Mcwarr

“To the rest of the world, Harry had no qualms with being an absolute asshole but when it came to Niall, all bets were off.”

the one with all the football by irishmizzy, miss_bennie

Senior year was supposed to be the best ever – that is, until Louis goes through a breakup over the summer and Zayn starts acting weird. With everything falling apart, Niall, Liam, and Harry are doing their best to keep it together, but it’s easier said than done. If nothing else, at least Niall’s got Harry.

[2015 One Direction as told through an American College AU]

and you know in your heart it'll be worth it by outwardbound93

“At home, we sleep on the,” he points at the ceiling. “The top, so we don’t float away.”

Niall laughs. “The ceiling, you mean?” He traces the line of Harry’s dimple. “I figured you slept inside a castle, like in the pictures of what Atlantis looked like.”

“I doubt that’s accurate,” Harry says. He palms Niall’s thigh, running his hand down to his knee, where he pauses to feel out the unfamiliar bones with his fingertips. “Otters sleep holding hands so they won’t drift apart, did you know that?”

“What, are you an otter?” Niall asks.

“No, but it might not be too bad,” Harry says. He lays his head to rest on Niall’s chest, over his heart. His fingers tangle with Niall’s in the sheets, his skin tanned and smooth, Niall’s pale and scarred.

"Eh,” Niall says. “It’s not too bad, I guess.”

We Could Be Enough by balefully

One Direction reconvenes after two years at Niall's cabin in Connemara for Christmas. Niall and Harry haven't spoken during the break, but they relearn each other and fall into something they never expected.

Super Beautiful Sex Machine by jibrailis

Niall Horan, porn star.

you're the truth i can't explain by takesmeunder

When Harry gets hired to be Niall Horan's celebrity photographer, he's expecting a learning experience and a chance to see the world. Determined to keep his business and personal lives separate, Harry tries desperately to keep things professional. The last thing he's expecting is to fall for a rockstar.

Relatable Content by makesomelove

Harry glances down at the floor, then up at Niall, lip curling up in a bashful smirk. Niall wants terribly to kiss him. The opportunity is right there in front of him, and it's the worst idea in the entire world.

It would reach the press. He'd be in the news - CEO and Founder of BeepFodder Niall Horan Sexually Manipulates Underlings. His mum has an alert for him on her computer and she'd see it and have a heart attack. They'd lose sponsors. Even if they didn't publish the footage, it'd still exist. It all still would have happened. Harry would know Niall likes him. The thought of the most vulnerable spots in his heart being captured on film and shown to millions of people makes Niall sick. Going through with this in a legitimate way would ruin his life no matter what.

in the golden afternoon by bisousniall

Niall can talk to flowers, but his life is pretty uncomplicated despite this. Until Harry shows up.

A Spell That Can't Be Broken (orphan_account)

He hears the people around them whisper, saying that he's got this boy under a tragic spell. Niall thinks they've got it all wrong. It's him who's caught under Harry's spell.

[Niall's a witch, Harry doesn't know this, and it's all on Niall if this blows up in his face.]

watch you on the red horizon by littlecather

“Just us,” he murmurs. “If - we’re talking about, like. Always.”

Harry nods. “Just us,” he repeats, voice a cracked whisper.

It's 2018, a year after One Direction has ended. Niall and Harry may or may not accidentally become soul mates.

Yoga To Be Joking by mdashes

The tags explain everything, I think. (Yoga, Autofellatio)

slow and steady (your hand fits in mine) by leitmotifs (orphan_account)

Niall slips the case shut, running his fingers along the top until they reach the handle. “Would you come with me?”

Harry raises an eyebrow. “Right now, or in general?”

Niall decides to humor him. “In general.”

“Always.”

---

Or: Their first Christmas since the accident, and Harry promises to take care of Niall.

i'll pull you closer by leitmotifs (orphan_account)

“You’re a fish,” Harry says.

“Am not.”

“You have a tail.”

“ ‘m not a fish.” Niall sounds vaguely affronted. “I’m a siren.”

“Uh huh. Care to elaborate on that?” Harry snips.

“Well,” Niall says thoughtfully, “I’m supposed to seduce you with my voice, lure you in, and then viciously devour your flesh.”

till you know that the words are right by el_em_en_oh_pee

Somehow, at this stage in his career, waking up with breasts and a vagina on the morning of the biggest show of his life doesn't even seem that comparatively weird to Niall.

Welcome to the Jungle by peerpressure

Harry, Louis and Zayn are in a band (it's not an indie band and definitely not a tribute band).

Harry falls in love with Niall a little too hard and a little too fast. It's not very punk rock.

we're on fire now by leitmotifs (orphan_account)

In which Harry and Niall are two of the best spies in the world, except maybe not really, because they're enemies and one is not supposed to fraternize with the enemy, but it keeps happening anyway. Liam is very exasperated.

i won't be on my own by sakabelle

Harry takes a quick trip back to London to care for his ailing boyfriend.

Benefits by sakabelle

It begins at Jay and Dan's wedding. It's supposed to be a laugh, really. Niall and Harry showing up there together because they've got no one else to bring.

It continues because Niall's always got to have some sort of fling going on whenever they're home from the tour. It's just that Harry never expected that he'd be one of those flings.

Holding Me Hostage by sakabelle

Niall Horan is content to keep to himself for his thirteen month prison sentence. He's content to stay out of trouble. Content to do his time and get out. But within the walls of HM Forest Bank, everyone's got a secret. Everyone's got a purpose. Everyone's got to get through their time somehow.

Which is how Niall finds himself with a lot more problems than he ever had on the outside.

To the Stars by sakabelle

The last place Niall Horan wanted to be was a first class passenger on the Titanic, headed to America. His father was forcing him into a life he didn’t want, full of business meetings and ritzy parties. Simply put, he was miserable.

Until he met Harry Styles. A passenger in steerage who would turn his entire life upside down.

A Titanic movie AU.

Piccadilly by anb123

Based on this prompt: fic where niall is a famous pop star who takes the tube every chance he can get, mostly because it’s one aspect of his life that makes him feel more normal and harry’s the cute college student who also takes the tube, has absolutely no clue who niall is, so when niall grins at him from the other side of the car, harry just thinks niall’s a normal lad flirting with him by niallharold on Tumblr.

Famous Niall & uni student Harry meet on the tube. Life ensues.

show me your love (orphan_account)

niall and harry go to las vegas as best friends and go home married.

and if it's quite alright, you could be my way of life by lizzybean

A comfy cozy, post break up, slightly golf!AU where Harry fills all the cracks and gaps left in Niall's heart.

A Slide Into First by siempreniall

Niall's a minor league star baseball player, Harry's in love with him, Liam makes really good hot dogs, Louis's a mascot wrench, and Zayn shows up to pull everything together.

Love Muffins by alexenglish

A story about something at first sight. In which Niall didn't call, Harry stress bakes, Louis meddles, Zayn and Liam are... Zayn and Liam, and everything works out in the end.

What's A Fella T' Do? by iwanna_seeyou_undoit

Pretend!Boyfriends AU where Harry doesn't own any trousers that don't have holes in them, Niall is the only one who can drive, and they definitely aren't shagging.

take me with you by outwardbound93

“I’m dating Niall,” Harry blurts out in the middle of their interview with Scott Mills. Liam’s, Louis’s, and Scott’s heads all swing around to him. Niall doesn’t so much as blink.

If it's torn we can stitch it up by ifzi0531

Niall shifts his feet nervously. He still doesn’t know if this is the right decision but he stares back at the small name card in his hand. “Hi, it’s Niall. The one from juvie. You gave me your card, and asked me to call you if I ever needed your help.”

“Hi, Niall! What can I do for you? Are you in trouble again?”

Niall shakes his head like he always does when people are asking him questions. It’s what he does, giving them non-verbal answers. But then he realizes he’s talking through the phone, so he speaks out loud again. “I-,” Niall trails off, tightening his grip on the phone. He stares at the ground, hoping that the ground would swallow him. “My mum kicked me out of the house.”

or

The Orange County (O.C) AU

how to make two lovers of friends by petals

The first time they meet, they hate each other. Or, Harry hates Niall. The second time they meet, Niall doesn't remember Harry. He says he did. The third time they meet, they become friends. They're friends for a long time. And then they're not. And then they fall in love.

Or a When Harry Met Sally au

My Kiss Can Mend Your Broken Heart by PigSlay

After Zayn leaves the band, Niall withdraws into his head. He tries his best to keep up appearances (both in public and in front of the boys) but it's not hard to notice when he falters. Harry is the first one to do something about it.

and the history books forgot about us by roofpizza

for the prompt: A timeline of how narry came to be narry from X-Factor bootcamp to the OTRA tour.

or

Niall is having the worst day of his life.

it's not just where you lay your head by disequilibrium

Harry chuckles a little.

“I am. Cry at everything. Sad movies, the lot.”

Niall smiles.

“Yeah, I know.”

And he does know. He’s sort of started to know Harry like the back of his hand. He might even go so far as to say he’s his best friend. And that makes everything else all the more difficult.

friends just sleep in another bed by littlecather

“Just - I’ve just been hanging out with Harry. A lot - slept over a couple of times.”

“You slept over?” Dougie echoes.

"Not like that," Niall rolls his eyes - even though it kind of is.

Tour starts; Niall and Harry grow closer.

Know Your Place by siempreniall

Niall's place in life has changed a lot. He's always left trying to figure out where he truly belongs, with whom he truly belongs. It just takes a few tries and a few life-changing, impossible events for him to get it right.

Everything Comes Back To You by alliecat23784

A canon compliant fic where Harry and Niall are very much in love and manage to keep their relationship strong while both touring the world at the same time.

(And I’m queer for math!) by softly (alexenglish)

No no, we aren’t breaking up! You didn’t let me finish. I’m gay for YOU.

all the time before i knew you by littlemissmeggie

“I’ve heard you like Scrabble,” said Niall. He considered Harry. Maybe Louis was right and he and Harry would make good friends.

“Yeah.” Harry nodded enthusiastically, eyes lighting up. “I go to the Scrabble club at my library.”

“I think I’ve got a Scrabble set round my flat somewhere,” Niall told him. He shrugged and shot Harry a crooked grin. “If you don’t mind playing with a set that’s almost certainly missing a few letters.”

“Oh,” said Harry slowly, understanding seeming to dawn on him. A flicker of something Niall couldn’t identify crossed his face. “Um, that might- that might be a challenge. I’d better- I’ll probably stick with the sets at the library.” He gave Niall a sad, apologetic half-smile. “I should get back to, um, back to wardrobe."

“Don’t be offended,” said Louis, moving closer to Niall. “It’s not you. It’s not me. It’s Grimshaw. Fucking twat.”

Up-and-coming model Harry Styles falls under the charms of his long-time celebrity crush, emotionally manipulative Nick Grimshaw. After some poking and prodding and meddling from his friend Louis, Harry befriends fellow model Niall Horan and soon realises that friendship—and maybe true love—should be a bit more like this.

if I got a condo on a cloud then I guess you can stay at my place (orphan_account)

“I think I can make it. Wait so are we gonna have to hold hands and stuff?” Niall asks Harry and Harry blushes and looks down at his feet awkwardly.

“I- you don’t have too. You can just hover.” --

Harry can't just show up to his sister's wedding where his ex boyfriend is going to be without somebody with him, I mean he can't just loiter around the chocolate fountain. So that's why he enlists Niall's help.

The Wedding Singer by littlecather

It's not that Harry doesn't believe in love, exactly - he just thinks that romance and marriage and all that comes with it are overrated. Niall has sung at over a hundred weddings, and is determined to prove Harry wrong. After all - there's a reason for all those songs.

Frenemies by alteringegoism

Harry hates Niall. Niall hates Harry. But Harry wants Zayn and in order to get to him, he’ll have to go through his best friend Niall. Harry will just have to kill Niall with kindness. That’s if Niall doesn’t kill him first. Oh and Liam and Louis are getting married.

When I Close My Eyes, All the Stars Align by FallingLikeThis

Harry Styles looks out the windowed wall of his penthouse apartment, staring down at the teeming masses that bring life to the streets below. Any one of the people down there could be his soulmate. Or, who knows, his soulmate could be halfway around the world. Or dead already. There’s no way to know, really, since Harry’s affliction is so rare. He bears the soulmate mark. It occurs in maybe one in a million people. He’s one of the chosen few who has one, single person that’s meant for them. Everyone else has the freewill to love whoever they want but if Harry ever hopes to find true love, he’ll have to go through a damn scavenger hunt to get it. And as if that wasn’t enough, he has a time limit.

Or a Beauty and the Beast Au in which Harry's only beastly qualities are his hair and his bad attitude and Niall arrives to spy on him for his sister but ends up staying for so much more.

baby, you don't know what it's like by peerpressure

Harry tries really, really hard to only see Niall as a friend.

It’s not working very well.

Because Niall is simply amazing and Harry is so stunned that he’s even allowed in his presence. And also because he wants to suck his dick. Just a little. But he also wants to cuddle him and maybe share food and fight for blankets and press cold feet against each other and shampoo each other’s hair.

Harry just wants to be with Niall.

(In which Louis is a good friend, Liam is kind, Zayn is always stressed, Niall is the new guy and Harry falls in love)

let's spin the world around by jamesniall

"Superlatives are just about putting the word más before an adjective or a sustantive. Like más grande which means bigger, or más fuerte, which means harder" Niall says, looking pointedly at Harry and Harry is 99% sure he's doing it on purpose.

"más rápido means faster" Niall continues, "Are you getting hard from this, Harry?" and if Harry would have had something in his mouth he would have spilled it all over Niall's face.

Or, Harry learns spanish thanks to Niall's dirty talk.

Maybe You're My Snowflake by pintsandguitars

Harry Styles loves the snow. Niall Horan loves the stars. And somewhere between snowflakes and night skies, they start loving each other.

For Rayvans: Uni! au where Harry doesn't have anywhere to go for Christmas break, so his roommate Niall invites him to spend the holidays with him. (bonus if they end up sharing a bed in Niall's small childhood room).

A head for business and a body for sin by flickerbyniall

He first time he caught Harry’s eyes was about an hour ago, the boy was eating some strawberries from the buffet table around the corner, oblivious to the fact he was standing out in the crowd with his rebellious look.

or Harry goes to a Gala and can't take his eyes off the boy wearing a leather jacket.

Searching by littlecather

Niall has been hired by a magazine to track each employee's searches on Google. Harry uses Google a lot.

wide open spaces by outwardbound93

“Well,” Harry says at the end of the day. The sun sets late in Texas like it doesn’t want to go, clinging to the scrubby flatlands with the last reaches of striped sunbeams. Niall leans on the broom and watches Harry fidget with a bundle of notecards he has to fill with peoples’ heartfelt sentiments. Love notes, apologies, get-well-soons, Harry’s got them all. “Will I see you tomorrow, then?”

Niall props the broomstick against a shelf holding a bunch of little green plants he doesn’t know the name of. The shop is bursting with green leaves, colorful blossoms like pops of candy mixed with buttered popcorn at the movie theatre, and at the heart of it, Harry. Harry, with his languid speech and that one curl that stubbornly sticks out on the side of his head that Niall always wants to twirl around his finger and that smile that arrives in a flash or unfurls slowly.

“Yeah,” says Niall. “I’ll be here.”

this could be the end of everything by basementhero

The Norns remembered each cycle of time and would recount the tale if asked: Harry and Niall were not the first of their kind, nor was it the world’s first attempt at existence. Some cycles were short while other stretched on for tens or hundreds or thousands of millennia. It was always the same in the end, though, no matter how many intervening years it took to get there. Baldr always fell; the giants always attacked, and the realms of Yggdrasil—the world tree—were always plunged back into the void after Ragnarök, waiting for rebirth.

But not everything was so set in stone; at least, it didn’t seem to be.

(or: Niall and Harry are immortal deities, but even gods are subject to fate.)

We Could Be The Ones Who Matter by jibrailis

Harry and Niall both get weirdly intense about things, and by things, they mean competitive Scrabble.

lovesick boys will write you lovesongs by narryblossom

When Niall walks through the gate at Dublin Airport at four in the morning, jet lagged to hell and back, he feels like he’s home. He thinks he’s never felt so happy to hear an Irish accent, and he certainly has never been so happy to have no fucking clue what he’s doing.

(Well, he has some idea of what he’s doing, he just isn’t sure it’s going to work out the way it does in his head.)

(An AU where Niall dreams of his lost love and finds himself going home to search for him.)

let yourself be enchanted by acastle

“Which means, I’ve got a Charms post to fill. And do you know who he suggested for the job?”

Harry doesn’t trust the wide beam on his face, and Louis goes on, “Well, he’d told me about this bloke. Class of 2011, student rank number three but top at Charms of his class, Hufflepuff, prefect, atrocious Quidditch player, but he makes a great treacle tart-”

“He suggested me?” Harry says blankly.

(Hogwarts and co-teachers AU, all in one.)

Along the Way (Something Changed ) by catrinahart

For the last five years, singer turned actor, Harry Styles has had Niall by his side to help manage his incredibly crazy life. They met and quickly became the best of friends. Then people start asking questions, making Harry think, what do they see that he doesn't?

and days gone by by outwardbound93

Niall catches himself glancing at Harry in the backseat. The tops of buildings are lined with Christmas lights like the iced piping on a gingerbread house, and the crisp sharp light of a winter night makes Harry’s skin look warm and soft.

riverina by outwardbound93

Harry looks up at Niall, the sharp, almost antique lines of his face thrust into regal beauty by the stadium lights. Harry’s ribs press against the size of his heart.

Or, a royalty!au where Niall's a prince and Harry's the reporter that writes about him.

let me photograph you in this light by storhan

“I like that one,” he says, turning the camera back around to show Harry the picture he took earlier that day of Niall reading. Harry also finds himself smiling, he quite likes that one too.

“Me too,” Harry says softly.

Or, Harry's a photography major and Niall is his muse.

something so magic about you by storhan

Niall's a single father and Harry's his neighbor who never seems to wear a shirt.

St-st-stuttering by asaprockme

In which Harry has a stutter that he just can't control. Niall doesn't mind.

I'm not trying to stop you, love by littlecather

If we're gonna do anything, we might as well just ...

Niall and Harry are the only ones left on campus over the Christmas holidays, and even though they've never really hung out before, they manage to spend most of the week holed up in Harry's room, together.

the piano man’s playing some old melody by littlervoice

Harry is a piano player. One day his neighbour puts in a request.

Do you want to come to the gym? by maxette

Niall is Harry's personal trainer: a romantic comedy without the middle forty-five minutes of misunderstandings.

running around in love again by mozartspiano

they meet at a coffee shop on valentine's day. it's all a horrible cliche.

You Feel Like Home (You're Like a Dream Come True) by roughvoiced

Niall sighs and unwraps the scarf from around his neck. "A plus one," he repeats. "I need one."

“For what?” Harry asks, watching as Niall unzips his coat, letting it slip off his arms and drop to a rumpled pile on the carpet before slipping off his shoes and striding over to Harry, plonking himself down on the sofa beside him and snuffling up under his arm, waiting for Harry to pull him in close before he speaks.

“Greg’s wedding.”

or, the au where Harry offers to be Niall's plus one and ends up with a whole lot more than he bargained for.

Another Auld Lang Syne by colbyjack

"We drank a toast to innocence We drank a toast to now. And tried to reach beyond the emptiness, But neither one knew how.”

-

Harry and Niall are old flames who eventually find each other again, of course, because the universe doesn’t want to give up on them.

Stacked Against You by siempreniall

Niall hates the library. All of the computers are always taken, the stacks make him feel claustrophobic, and his short attention span has never given itself well to studying anyways. The cute boy at the information desk makes it all worth it, though.

i want you so much (but i hate your guts) by siempreniall

Niall doesn’t know what he’s still doing there. This isn’t really how he likes to spend his Sunday nights. He doesn’t want to be yelled at and made to feel guilty for something that happened months ago. All he wants is to leave, really.

heartbreak hero by acastle

“So you want me to hear your side of things?"

"Yes, that would be a start."

"Fine,” Niall steps forward, so he and Harry are practically nose to nose. “Come back tomorrow at 8, so you can air your side of the situation on my segment.”

In which Niall is a love guru of sorts on the radio, who thinks love is the bane of the world, and Harry is a fuckboy who’s lovely, surely, but is not the best boyfriend in the world, not by a long shot. His girl breaks up with him while on air with Niall, and Harry isn’t having that, so he forces Niall to help him win her back.

(Alternatively, Niall’s Guide On How to Win Back the Girl, patent pending. It should work, in theory.)

Home is Wherever I'm with You by ziamfcks

Niall is blind and Harry works in a coffeeshop. It's love from the start.

Intensified by Absence by littlecather

Niall smiled, the action uncontrollable. “Hey, time traveller,” he said softly.

Harry blanched, his eyes growing a little wide, but he cocked his head to the side with confusion. “Hello,” he said, holding out his hand across the back of his seat for Niall to shake. “I’m Harry. What’s your name?”

The Time Traveller's Wife AU.

My Dearest Love by badjujuboo (miztrezboo)

His teeth hurt. Ached really. Like this thrumming underneath the veneer that wouldn't cease. Wouldn't be calmed no matter how many pain meds he's taken, no matter how much oil of clove he's rubbed onto them.

His dreams. His dreams were strange, too. Bloody, but without violence. Just a warm, wet, thick feel to them. And red. So much red.

He should have expected it. Should have made plans, sought guidance, kept himself away but. . . .

He’d never been to good at any of those things. Especially the last.

hands that hold me by lostgirl152

Niall was always too interested in Harry's hands

6,359 miles by acastle

“Why, why’d he send me that?” Harry murmurs, and Nick looks up from the screen. “What does he want me to do? I don’t-”

“Idiot,” he flicks his phone back to him. “Make a reservation. He wants you to go there.”

(Niall and Harry were sleeping together, until they aren’t, and then Niall disappears into a tiny island in the East. Then he asks Harry to follow him.)

i forget where we were by littlecather

“You,” he says thickly, swallowing. “You don’t - you don’t remember.”

“Not the last three years,” Harry tells him simply. “Sorry. What was your name?”

“Niall,” he mutters, face suddenly dark. “I’m Niall, I’m Liam’s assistant."

Harry wakes up to find he has retrograde amnesia and a perfect life - seemingly.

he is the lamb, she is the slaughter by trishapocalypse

“Niall, what did you do to me?” Harry repeated, quieter, slower than normal, and he looked up at Niall from under his eyelashes.

Niall froze, reaching a hand up to rub at his eyes, blinking rapidly as he stared at Harry. “What’s that?”

“This?” he asked, gesturing towards his chest. “Oh, you know, just breasts!” he snapped, picking up the pillow and throwing it back at Niall. “What did you do to me?!”

(Or: the one where Harry wakes up a girl and it's clearly NIall's fault.)

Through the Screen by sunshineflying

In his free time, Niall Horan likes to subscribe to his favourite camboy, Harry Cox. When he moves to uni he's not sure how he'll manage to watch the weekly show with a roommate. Things become even more complicated with that roommate is the one and only camboy of his dreams - Harry.

The Whole Shebang by BakerGrey

Niall lives life like it’s a daydream, Harry’s just in love, and Zayn’s painting pictures of Louis’s boyfriend.

laughin' loud on a carnival ride by el_em_en_oh_pee

Harry looks around the fairground. They’ve already done the putt-putt - Harry got tripped up by the windmill, but Niall almost lost his ball at the clown hole because he didn’t want to look straight at it - and the zipper and the gravitron and the spinning teacups. The Ferris wheel looms, past the inflatable slides and the yo-yo, and he wants to go to that, he does, but - Ferris wheels are always romantic in the movies, and Harry isn’t sure that Niall wants romantic from this. “Funnel cakes?” he suggests, instead.

i have lightning by sarcangel

“Have you ever eaten a raw olive?” Harry asks. Niall can actually taste them on his breath, green and briny, mixed with vodka and actual bitters; Harry still needs to breathe to live, after all, and still has no concept of personal space.

in the lonely cool before dawn by mozartspiano

Niall is the Deputy Chief of Staff at the White House. Harry is his assistant.

A West Wing!AU.

like your favourite tune by words_unravel

It's just another summer for Harry - an unexpected flat mate, Louis being an idiot, and Liam hiding away in Wolverhampton.

....okay, maybe not just a typical summer then.

The River and the Deep Green Bend by liquidmeasure 

Harry studies the card for just a moment. It’s all brightness and blooming growth where the last card was darkness and destruction: a child, fair haired and laughing and riding on the back of a horse, his arms outstretched and basking in the light of a yellow sun.

“See? Not all bad." Jesy taps at the image on the card and nods. "Him I like. Look at him casting his light, nourishing the four little flowers in the back. He's an engine, burning brightly. Illuminating the dark corners. He's growth. Newness. Reconciliation...” Harry shakes his head and moves for the door. Opens it just as she says, “for all five of you.”

There’s a flutter and a commotion from behind him and then Rover is winging past him through the door, making her way out into the dark. The night air is cold on his face and it feels like relief. Like an escape.

“Four of us.” Liam sounds a little uncertain.

“What was that?”

“There’s just four of us, not five.”

“Oh…” her voice trails off as Harry steps out into the moonlight. “Well, like he said, it’s mostly bullshit anyway. Can’t get everything right.”

A Dark Tower AU for round 4 of the 1D big bang.

[writingjusttowrite8]

Warmth

Hi friends! So, I wrote a little thing about Tom Hiddleston. I recently saw Thor: Ragnarok and that awoke the inter Hiddles-trash that I truly am. I like to keep my intensive fandom love away from my normal blog, so that’s why I’m posting it on this account instead.

This story just kinda came to mind and I couldn’t get it out of my head until I wrote it down, so enjoy! Any feedback is appreciated. 

You can also read this on AO3.

       The mechanical sound of the wheel’s being lowered alerted everyone on the plane that we were landing soon. I flipped over the newspaper I was reading, finishing the last paragraph on an article about space travel. 

“Did you know that none of the crew from Apollo 11 had life insurance before going to space? They took pictures and singed them for their family incase something were to go wrong. If they sold the pictures they’d probably get more money than life insurance any ways.” I shrugged, talking to no one in particular. 

My stylist, Elaina, looked at me quizzically; “Everyone knows you have a bachelors degree, you don’t need to constantly throw out random bits of information to remind everyone.”

           “I read an article!” I defended, throwing the paper at her. She picked it up from where it landed on her lap and set it on the side table. Elaina leaned closer to me and took a minute to see if anyone was listening. The plane cabin was private, so it was only my team and I on board. We were flying into Los Angles for a party later tonight; it was under the guise of honoring someone, but it was just a chance for the studios to show off all their people and get more attention. 

“You know, you don’t have to go tonight if you don’t want to. Everyone would understand if you just wanted to stay home.” Elaina’s look was empathetic. 

I laughed a little, “We flew all this way to go to the party; it wouldn’t make sense if I did go for at least a little while!”

           “Plus,” I added, “I’m not seven years old anymore. People say mean things about me; that’s the nature of this business. I can’t go crawling back into my shell every time someone isn’t as nice as they could be. I got a nice dress for tonight anyways.” I said, taking a sip of water from the glass beside me. 

“It wasn’t like someone yelled something nasty at you; a whole op-ed came out detailing how terrible of a person they think you are!”  She said. 

“It’s been nearly two months! The outpouring of support I got after it from my actual friends, made it easier. I got to move on.” I said.

           “You do know about the other thing, right? That You Know Who is going to be there?” Elaina said. 

I rolled my eyes, “His name is Tom, not Lord Voldemort; you shouldn’t be afraid to say it.” I looked down at my phone, quickly scanning through emails, trying not to let Elaina see my face. 

“It just pisses me off! In your time of need, he just abandons you! I mean, I know you weren’t dating or anything, but the two of you were so close! For a while it felt like you two were inseparable! And then he just goes off when things got too rough. Despicable.” She nearly spat. 

“You can’t blame him for not wanting to be involved with drama right now. He’s dealt with too much of it; the guy deserves a break.” And…That wasn’t even the reason he left I wanted to say, but Elaina’s hatred of Tom was already solidified, so there was really no point in making it worse. Elaina didn’t respond; she just looked at me with complete pity.

-

Three Days Before the Article is Released

             “You clean up nicely” I commented to Tom as he walked over to me. 

“I could say the same for you, but then again, you always look that good.” Cheeky little flirt he his. I smiled and turned my face, trying not to let him see the blush that crept up to my cheeks. 

“Have you seen the birthday boy yet?” I ask, changing the subject. 

Tom shakes his head; “No I got sucked into a conversation with Ken Branagh about his next project.” 

“Shakespeare, I assume?” I asked looking up at him. He just winked and ordered a whiskey from the bartender.  

           The club we were in was pretty packed, mostly with Hollywood elites and their teams. Everyone was there to celebrate Robert Downey Jr.’s birthday, however, the guest of honor had yet to arrive. That didn’t keep the merriment from stopping. Tom and I were seated at the bar towards the back, where there was a little more room to breath. I sipped on a vodka martini and Tom drank almost all of his whiskey in one gulp. 

“Long day?” I questioned him. 

“What’s wrong with loosing up a bit?” He retorted, faking offense. 

“I’ve never actually seen you sloppy drunk; I’d imagine it would be very entertaining.” I laughed gently at the idea of Tom being beside himself drunk; He’s so proper and put together that it didn’t really make sense. 

“I’ve seen you sloppy drunk on quite a few occasions.” He grinned. I rolled my eyes at him. 

“Twice! Only twice have you seen me drunk enough to even come close to being sloppy! Considering how long we’ve known each other, that’s pretty impressive.” I said.

           “Six months, and you’ve only been sloppy drunk three times, that I know about. If that’s impressive, then at what point in your life were you more of a party animal?” He questioned. 

“You didn’t know me in college.” I winked at him. He laughed at me, and I couldn’t help but stare at his face. The way he looked in the low lighting of the bar somehow made him even more attractive than regular. Or maybe it was how close he was sitting to me, so much so that our knees were practically stuck together and his arm was behind me resting on the bar. I tried not to show how excited our close proximity made me, but my eyes lingered on his a little too long. I snapped out of my daze just in time to see RDJ walking over towards us.

           “Look! It’s the second most beautiful person in the world… and Tom.” Robert said to us. I laughed and stood up to hug him. 

“Happy Birthday to the most beautiful person in the world!” I said wrapping my arms around him. 

“Thanks sweet cheeks. Thomas!” He said, moving to embrace Tom. “This old dude giving ya trouble over here?” Robert asked me. 

“A little,” I said while retaking my seat, “he says he’s seen me drunk more times than I’ve allowed him to see me drunk.”

           “Oh, you’re hilarious.” Tom said sarcastically. 

“Well tonight seems as good as any to even up the score, so why don’t we all take a few shots to get the night going, huh?” Robert said excitedly. I grimaced, giving Tom a warning glance. 

“I think that’s a fantastic idea, Robert. Bartender, six shots please!” Tom ordered. All I could do was laugh at the two ridiculous men I’d chosen to spend my night with.

             Nearly four hours later, many drinks, and far too many embarrassing moments on the dance floor, Tom and I got into a cab to head home.  He lived just around the corner from me, so we split a cab most times we went out; unless he drove me in his jaguar.

      “I didn’t!” I declared too loudly, making the driver look back at me in the rearview mirror. “Why would I request a song I hate?” I asked Tom, who was laughing at me. 

“Because you know I hate it too! It was retaliation for that third shot!” He said. 

I groaned and slapped his arm; “I’m not that petty. How do I know you didn’t request it, just because you knew I hate it, huh?” 

“Because darling,” He leaned in so close that the tuft of my bangs were almost brushing his face, “I’m chivalrous. I would never intentionally make a lady that uncomfortable.” Thank God for the drinks, or else I wouldn’t have an excuse as to why my face was so red. 

“How come I don’t believe you Hiddleston?” I said, keeping my eyes starting straight in his, so they wouldn’t linger down to his (very kissable) lips.

      The driver cleared his throat; “We’re here.” I immediately pulled back, laughing a little, and looking through my purse for a tip. Tom was quicker and handed him some cash before opening the door for us. He held out his hand for me to hold onto as I descended from the car, and I let my fingers hold onto his longer than necessary before pulling away. 

“Nightcap?” I asked. “[Y/N], we just got back from a bar!” He said. I looked away and gently laughed, trying to hide my embarrassment of rejection. I couldn’t help it that I didn’t want the night to end. 

“I’d love to.” Tom said, surprising me. I gently hit his chest with my clutch before heading up to the front door.

      I wasn’t entirely drunk, but I wasn’t entirely sober. The drinks came early enough in the night for both Tom and I to be coming down from our buzz. I fumbled around in my clutch for my keys while Tom leaned against my doorframe, looking god-like. 

“Having trouble?” He mocked. Almost immediately after he said that, I finally managed to pull out my keys and give Tom a smirk. He rolled his eyes at me while following me inside. He walked into the kitchen with me and sat at the bar while I looked in my cabinets for two glasses.

      “Your place is so cozy. I like it here.” He said, looking around. He’s been inside my place many times before, but says the same thing each time he’s here. 

“If you spent more time in your house, I bet it would feel cozier. You’re gone too much, Tom.” I said, trying not to let my voice get too sad. He was always working. A few days in L.A. or New York, meeting with studios, different read through; Tom was usually only in London a few hours at a time. I was lucky enough that when he was in town, he spent most of that time with me.

         “No, that’s not it. I think it’s a woman’s touch. Even when we’re together in different cities, your hotel rom seems… warmer.” He said. I passed him a glass of rum and coke and made one for me as well. 

“Have you ever considered that it’s me that’s warmer, and not the actual place we’re in?” I asked facetiously, before taking a drink. 

“I have.” He said, smiling at me before he took a drink. I smiled back at him, but then looked down an furrowed my eyebrows, trying to cover how much that made my heart jump. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked, genuine concern in his voice.

       I looked up replacing my look of distain with neutrality. “Nothing… it’s just too quiet. Want to put on a movie?” I asked, but before he could respond, I started towards the living room. I heard him quickly get up after me. I couldn’t face him just yet; I’d let my guard down for a second too long and he saw. I walked into the living room, Tom following me closely. I went over to the small side table where I usually keep the remote, but it wasn’t there. I turn around to look for it, but I almost slam face first into Tom. He was standing right behind me, so close that I had to put my hands to his chest to steady myself from bumping into him.

        “Tom… are you… is everything alright? “ I ask, so quietly that I barely hear myself. His hand reaches up to trace my jaw and brushes some hair behind my shoulder. My heart was pounding too hard in my chest, but my breathing was getting slower. 

“Of course you’re the reason I like your place better than mine.” He whispers. Our faces are getting closer to one another, and with his free hand he grabs mine and laces our fingers together. Instinctively, my other hand slowly starts to move up towards his face until it rests on his neck. Our breathing is heavy for a moment before he finally breaks the tension and gently places his lips on mine.

        I melt into the kiss, moving my mouth along with his and throwing my arms around his neck. I bring him as close as I possibly can, pressing my chest against his, and his arm wraps around my waist and hoist me on the side table. He stands between my legs and I open the to wrap them around his waist and pull him closer. Our lips are moving in sync and our hands are wandering all over; I feel him brush through my hair to put his hand on my neck and another to grip my thigh. I run my hands down his broad shoulder and down to his hips. We finally break away for a moment to get some much-needed oxygen and rest our foreheads against each other. We don’t say anything; just look into each other’s eyes before we start kissing again. This time, it isn’t gentle but forceful, like all pretenses have gone away.

         Suddenly, I don’t feel his lips on my anymore. I look up and see him standing about a foot away from me. He’s holding onto my hand still but the mood is completely different. His eyes are filled with something I can’t quite place… sadness or pity, or a combination of both. My breathing is heavy as I look at him impossibly confused and missing the feel of his body on mine. He parts his lips as to say something, but nothing comes out.

        After a moment too long of standing there, he finally speaks; “I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry.” He says. I almost physically hear my heart crack. Before I could speak he says the words that finally break the spell we’ve been living under tonight. “I should go.”

         Before I could get a word in edgewise, he was gone. All of a sudden, I was just a girl, sitting on her side table, breathing heavily and with a shattered heart. What on earth just happened?

-

         By the time our plane touched down in L.A., it was almost 2 p.m. and we were already behind schedule. Paparazzi greeted us at the gate and my team did their best to shield me from their cameras, but nothing really stops them from getting the shots they want. We got to my small apartment that I keep in L.A. and immediately it became ''beautification central'. I stepped out of my shower to find that Emma Watson had texted me. 'Heard you were in L.A., mind if I stop by to see you? I miss your face. Xo' she wrote. I smiled and dialed her number.

        "[Y/N]!" She exclaimed, "Are you in town?" Emma asked. 

"Yes ma'am. Are you going to stop by to see me?" I ask. 

"I'm getting in my car as we speak." She said. Hearing her voice made me happy; she was one of the few friends that I felt genuinely cared for me. Through the whole process of staring in my first big role, to the flops I'd been in, Emma was with me no matter what. She didn't want to be near me for the attention or the money, we just like each other. Having a real friendship in this industry was rare, and I wanted to protect ours at all cost. "I'll see you soon!" I said. We exchanged goodbye's and hung up before I let my team make me into a version of myself that I didn't even recognize.

        30 minutes later I hear a knock on my door and open it to find Emma. Without saying a word, we hug each other tightly. "I missed you, Em." I said quietly. 

"I missed you too... how are you?" She questioned, pulling away from the hug. 

I shrugged, "I'm fine. I mean, I've been better, but that's life I guess." She gave me a small smile and followed me inside. My team was in my living room getting my dress out and pressing it while Elaina was setting up in the bathroom. I pulled Emma into my bedroom so we could have some privacy.

       "So what's really going on?" She asked. Emma knew that the article wasn't the real source of my sadness. 

I gave her a disparaging look; "Tom..." I said. She chuckled solemnly. 

"That much I know. What happened between you two. When I spoke to him the other day, it got super weird when he asked about you. Like he was nervous about something." She said. I looked down in my lap, unsure of whether or not I should tell Emma. Somehow, letting someone outside of Tom and myself know what really went on made it more real, and somehow, more hurtful.

        "What did he ask you?" I questioned. 

"He wanted to know how you were doing. I told him that you've been busy so I hadn't really heard from you. The way he asked though... it's almost as if he was afraid to say your name." She looked at me, waiting to explain what happened. 

"We kissed. It was a few days before the article broke. He kissed me and then he said 'I shouldn't have done that' and left." I sighed and looked away, letting Emma absorb the information.

         "You know the worst part is," I started, "I was doing a perfectly fine job of repressing my feelings before that! I know that it's unhealthy or whatever, but it's not like we would've worked out romantically anyways. I knew that for the sake of our friendship that I needed to keep those feelings to myself. And then he kisses me! I didn't ask for that! There wasn’t a neon sign above my head saying 'Please Break My Heart'. I did what I had to do to keep our friendship, and he had to go and mess it up."

       I figured I'd already revealed too much, so I told Emma all about that night. She sat back on my bed letting all that information sink in. 

"That... doesn’t sound like Tom." She said in disbelief. 

I shrugged, "It was him, though." Emma sighed and furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. 

"Was that it? He just left without an explanation?" She asked. 

I looked back up at her, feeling a little bit of guilt; "Not exactly...".  

"What do you mean?" She asked.

       "A few nights after the article was released, Tom came to my house again." I confessed. 

"What did he say?" She questioned. I told her everything.

-

        It was a rainy night in London, not unusual. I had Adele's album on in the background while I was facetiming with my dad on my laptop and sitting at the bar in my kitchen. 

"[Y/N], if you want your mother and I to come see you, we will. No questions asked. We'll be on the next plane out of here if we need to be." My dad said. I let out a small laugh. 

"You're sweet, but please, don't worry. It's a mean article. The person who wrote it got mad that my manager kept pushing back the interview date and he let his displeasure show. The really funny thing is the reason the interview was being pushed back was because our production schedule was behind and he wanted to interview me about the production! Even if we'd kept the regular date, the article would have been inaccurate. One guy doesn't like me, I don't have to lose my mind over it." I told him. The last sentence hurt to say, because it wasn't the vengeful interviewer who hurt me, but someone much more important.

       "Well, I'm proud of you [Y/N]. You're good about not letting these things get to you. How is everything else? Your friends?" My dad asked, in typical dad fashion.

 "Everyone is fine, dad." I said. 

"What about Tom? I have heard anything about him in a while. The movie was great! Did you tell him I thought the movie was great?" Hearing my dad ask about Tom stung more than I anticipated; I had to shift my head so he couldn’t see my face. 

I swallowed harshly before answering; "I told Tom, he said thank you. He's doing fine. Dad, I'm going to go get something to eat. I'll call you and mom tomorrow." I said, trying to get out of the only subject I really wanted to avoid. 

"Of course, sweetie. Your mother and I love you very much." Dad said, a little more emotionally than usual. I told him I loved him too, and closed my laptop.

       I ran my fingers through my hair and rested my elbows on the counter. I just had an article come out that basically said I was a spineless, talentless, slut, and the only thing I'm really sad over is Tom. It felt wrong, like I should be pissed at the author and I should be discrediting him. Instead, I was by myself drinking wine and forcing myself to stop feeling sad about a guy. He's just a guy, I reminded myself, this isn't the first time a guy has left me, and probably not the last.

        I just wish I knew why. Did he not like me enough to follow through with it? Was I a bad kisser? Did he suddenly realize he loved someone else? Maybe if I knew exactly why he stopped, it would make this easier. Sure, I could call him and ask him why, but that made me feel like I was defeated. I heard my phone go off from the living room, but I didn't feel like going to get it. So many people had called me today, wanting to know how I was, but I couldn’t tell any of them the truth; ignoring calls was really the best plan for me at this point. I took another sip from my wine glass and tried to resist the temptation of going online to look at comments. Online comments on articles like this can be a rabbit hole, and not one I was prepared to go down. A loud knock on my door made me jump in surprise. I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself while I walked over to it. When I opened my door, I found Tom.

        His shirt clung to his torso, wet from the rain, and the expression on his face made it seem like he was surprised to see me. 

It took me a minute to adjust from the shock before I could speak to him; "What... why are you here?" I asked. Suddenly I realized he was still getting wet from the rain and I moved back to let him in my house. He came in, slowly, and ran his hands through his hair to get some of the rain droplets out. "Why are you here?" I repeated after we were inside. His expression of surprise changed to one of sadness. 

"I wanted to know if you were alright." He spoke. I looked down at the floor trying to avoid his eyes. 

"I'm fine." I said quietly. I started walking towards the kitchen and Tom followed me.

       "It's just... the article came out at a... bad time. I just wanted to make sure-" I cut him off. 

"Really Tom, I don't care about the article. Mean things are written about people all the time. I'm not the first, nor the last. And as for the timing... well, there really isn't much I could've done about that." I said, bitterness coloring my voice. Now, Tom is looking down at the floor, and all the emotions that I've been holding back are combining into one; anger. 

"I wanted to apologize for that night." He said, looking back up at me. I scoffed, "Which part? When you kissed me, or when you left without an explanation?" I didn't want to be mean, but I couldn’t help myself.

        "Both," Tom started, "I was wrong to do... that to you." I furrowed my eyebrows. 

"Then why? It's not like we were super drunk, it's not like I forced you into it, and it's not like I pulled away!" The anger was slipping through my voice. 

"[Y/N], I don't know why I kissed you, but I know I didn't want to hurt you!" He said, matching my louder voice. 

"Well you sure have a funny way of showing it! I mean... even if you don't know why you kissed me, why did you pull away? How would that keep you from hurting me?" I yelled, exasperatedly.

       "Because I need to protect you! The women who date me get slaughtered in the press. My past relationships will probably follow me around for the rest of my life because the press will not let it go. I don't want to put you through that. You deserve better than being dragged through the mud just because I've made mistakes." He said. Now, I was really furious. 

"You want to protect me? I don't know if you've been living under a rock for the past 48 hours, but I was put through the ringer, despite not dating anyone! So, your noble quest of protecting me was shot long before you had anything to do with it." My hands were in fist at my side; my eye's brimming with tears, but luckily, none spilled over. For a while, neither of us spoke. I didn't know if it was because he had said everything he had to say, or if he didn't know what to say next. The tension became too much for me and I had to speak.

       "I will understand if you don't like me like that and you believe kissing was a mistake, but please Tom, don't lie to me. If you wanted to protect me, you wouldn't have waited this long." I couldn't be angry at him anymore; I just felt sad. He looked at me with those blue eyes that could make anyone week in the knees and I felt my heart being squeezed, causing so much pain that I had to look away. He didn't say anything, which just made me feel worse. He has no right to stand there, looking as good as he does, being so sweet and comforting, and yet keeping me waiting. I wanted him so much, but I couldn't handle it anymore.

        "You should go...." I said, the words surprising even me. 

He raised his eyebrows in surprise; "what?" He questioned. 

"You've clearly said everything you needed to, and I can't handle this much longer." I finally looked back up to face him. "If you really don't want to hurt me anymore than you already have, please just... leave." My voice broke and the tears I held off for so long started to fall. Tom lifted his had up, as if to touch me the same way he had that night. I turned my head away, just slightly and he put his hand down. Taking the hint that I wasn't budging tonight, he finally left.

-

       I didn't feel bad about what I said to him that night, I just felt bad that I got so angry. He wanted to apologize, and no matter how hurt I was, he didn't deserve that anger. But in my heart, I know I did the right thing. I need to protect myself since I can't influence those around me. I can't rely on anyone, not even Tom, to protect me.

       Emma started at me blankly. "He really hurt you, didn't he?" Emma asked. 

I nodded; "This really is for the best, though. At least it didn't go too far, ya know? Ending this before it got to be too much is better for everyone." I said, partially trying to convince myself of that, too. 

"Are you sure? Is that really for the best?" She asked. 

I looked at her confused, "what do you mean?"

       "[Y/N], you like him, and he clearly likes you if he doesn't want to hurt you! Why would you need to end something that hasn't even begun? You're not giving yourself a fair shot. If you just give up now, before you even try to really make it work, you'll regret it." She said. I stood up and started pacing around my room. 

"Em, it's not like he came over to tell me he was sorry he stopped! He told me he was sorry for kissing me in the first place! He doesn't want me like that, I can accept that." I said, crossing my arms. 

"You didn’t tell him why it hurt you! You didn't tell him that you love him and that you didn't want the kiss to stop! You let him go! He isn't going to try to pursue you further if he thinks you're angry at him for kissing you to begin with! I guarantee you he wants you, but is worried that you don't want him. Because that sounds like Tom; he's not the type of man to leave like that, and he certainly isn't the type of man to push further if he thinks he's gone too far."

       Emma, was crazy, she had to be! He left me and then he came back to finish me off and couldn't do it! He's the wrong one here, right? I threw up my hands, fell onto my bead face first and groaned; a very mature way to react to this situation, I know. 

"Darling," Emma said, "you're beautiful, intelligent, hilarious, funny, and a whole other slew of things that I can't think of right now. But you are hopelessly dense when it comes to love. I still can't get over how you thought Henry Cavill was just 'being nice' when he sent over flowers after meeting you." She laughed, and played with my hair.

 I grumbled into the sheets "I mentioned I love flowers, and he sent flowers over the next day. It isn't so wrong to think he was just being... gentlemanly." I couldn't see her, but she probably rolled her eyes.

      I laughed to myself, thinking of the reaction Tom had to finding out Henry set me flowers; he got so worked up and wouldn't stop teasing me for days! Maybe Emma was right. Maybe it wasn't entirely his fault that things ended so poorly. I told him to leave the night he came to me. I just had such a clear view in my mind as to why he would have left. There's no way he could want me like that; he's Tom Hiddleston! It wouldn't have made sense, him and I together. But I guess that doesn't necessarily mean he wouldn't want it either.

      "Talk to him tonight, [Y/N]. Explain why it hurt you and give him a chance to explain as well. Even if things don't end the way you want them too, it will make you feel better if you get it off your chest." I sighed and rolled over to look at her. I needed to talk to him; that much was clear. 

"But... what if it hurts worse after. What if he says the exact thing I'm most afraid of him saying?" I say, quietly. 

She gave me a sorrowful look, "What are you most afraid of?" Emma asked. I sat up and looked out the window and pulled my knees into my chest. 

"That he never loved me like that... and that he never will." I whisper it so quietly, I'm not sure if she heard me.

      "He won't." She stated. I turn to look at her, trying my best to keep a brave face. A light knock on my door alerted both Emma and I just how late it had gotten. By now, my hair was dry and in desperate need of styling, and Elaina would be chomping at the bit to start on my makeup. "I should go." Emma said, standing up. I stood up to hug her goodbye. "It'll be fine, [Y/N]. Trust me." She said before pulling away. Emma exited the room and my team pounced on me as soon as she was out the door.

-

           Stop fidgeting, stop fidgeting, stop fidgeting I repeated to myself. Engage in the conversation that’s happening right in front of you; at least try to seem interested! Three movie producers were chatting in front of me, all trying to one up each other in terms of how much money the profited from movies they had nothing to do with. There was really no way to focus on the dude-fest going on with Tom across the room from me. It felt like his eyes were on me at all times, but every time I found the courage to glance over at him, he was talking to someone else.

           I suddenly felt a hand on my lower back and I jumped at the sensation. “Robert!” I said, realizing whom it was. I threw my arms around him and he did the same. 

“Hey there sweet cheeks. How’ve you been?” He asked. 

“Fine,” I lied, “I’ve been busy… working and… other stuff.” I tried my best to sound casual, but RDJ must have seen through me. 

“That’s good. A couple people around here we’re worried about you for a little while there, so it’s good to see you back on your feet.” He said.

 “We’re you one of those people?” I asked coyly.  

           “Nah,” He started, shaking his head, “my attention is on myself at all times. If I haven’t talked to you in the past… 8 minutes, chances are I don’t even realize you exist.” I laughed at him. Despite his nonchalant demeanor, Robert was truly a softie at heart. 

“It is good to see you back, though.” He said, sweetly. I smiled at him, the first time I truly smiled out of happiness in a while. 

“That’s very kind of you to say.”

           “Where’s Tom? Last time I saw you guys, you were stuck together like a barnacle to a boat.” I gently laughed at his choice of words, letting my smile fade. 

“Tom’s here? I didn’t even know. I really haven’t seen much of him lately.” I lied. He didn’t seem to recognize my bluff, but he didn’t fully understand it either. 

“Well you should say hi to him at some point; I’m sure he’d love to see you.” He said. 

“Well, you know what I would love? A drink. Do you want anything?” I asked, turning to go to the bar. 

“I wouldn’t kick a glass of champagne out of bed. I’ll be over there.” He said. I nodded and went to retrieve the much needed alcohol.

           I picked up two glasses of champagne and headed back towards Robert, who was deeply engaged in conversation with someone I couldn’t quite see. I called out his name and realized who he was talking to; Tom. 

“Ah, [Y/N],” He said, taking one of the glasses, “You know, I think I changed my mind about the drink. Tom, why don’t you take this one, and I’m going to get some bourbon.” Before Tom had time to protest, RDJ had handed him the champagne and was gone. I looked at Tom with wide eyes and cursed myself for not being able to anticipate this. His gaze nearly made my knees shake as he looked at me from head to toe. 

“You look… incredible.” He said. I smiled and blinked a few times before taking him in myself. 

“You do too.” I breathed. No matter my feelings towards Tom, his ability to wear a suit to absolute perfection still amazed me. His eyes bore into mine, and I couldn’t look away. Someone who I didn’t recognize bumped into Tom, pushing him closer towards me. I put out my free hand to steady him from running into me and it landed on his chest. When he finally was stead again, he grabbed my hand and kept it against his chest.

           “We should go somewhere to talk.” He whispered to me. 

I nodded before responding; “we should.” He laced our fingers together and started pulling me through the crowd. His tall frame prevented me from seeing where we were going, until we got to a small hallway, and Tom opened the door to a private restroom. I walked inside and set my glass on the skink counter, putting as much space between Tom and myself as possible.  His back faced me as he locked the door and he hesitated while turning around. We looked at each other for a few moments before I broke the silence. 

“How have you been?” I asked.

           Tom blinked a few times and set his glass next to mine. “Not great….” He trailed off. I gave him an empathetic smile. 

“Tom, I-“ He cut me off.

“Wait, I wanted to- may I … the last time I tried to apologize, I made everything worse, and I don’t want to do that again. So, if I may, I want to tell you everything I need to before you respond. Is that alright with you?” He asked. 

“Of course.” I said, my mind racing a mile a minute. He took a deep breath before running a hand through his hair.

           “I’ve made many regrettable mistakes in my life; not the least of which being the night I left you. My desire to protect you stems from the fact that my past indiscretions would follow you around and I didn’t want to put you through that, especially knowing how much people love you. I know it’s hard to see, but the way people see you is… they adore you. I didn’t want to ruin that for you; I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I did. The reason I pulled away that night is because I wouldn’t be able to stop myself if I’d gone further.

           “[Y/N], you’re like the sun; your warmth encapsulates everyone around you and I find it so addicting. There are times that I can’t believe I was blessed enough to have met you, let alone be a part of your life. There is not an ounce of my soul that doesn’t wish to be near you at all times. But I was willing to ignore that to, what I thought would, protect you. I see now how stupid that was, because the second night I came over, I saw the pain and it broke me. I thought I didn’t deserve to be with you because of how much I hurt you, and there is a part of me that still believes that.  But I couldn’t live with myself without explaining why I did what I did, in hopes that one day you’d understand that I didn’t leave out of lacking desire; I did it because I love you and I don’t want to hurt you.

           “Now, if you tell me that you wish to never see me again, I will leave; I will do everything in my power to respect your wishes. But if you believe that there is a part of you that love me as much as I do you, you would make me the most undeservedly happy man in the world. There is nothing I wouldn’t do to make you as happy as I possibly could, for as long as I possibly can. So please, [Y/N], tell me that you understand how much I love you.”

           I stood across from Tom in complete and utter shock. My mind was racing and my heart was beating so fast, I thought I might go into cardiac arrest. He… loves me? I was wrong, so unbelievably wrong about… everything. It wasn’t just me reading more into the quick glances and soft touches; we were on the same page and we didn’t even know it. And now we’re here, staring intensely at one another, holding onto the desire I was too afraid to express. He handed me his heart, and now it was my turn to hold onto it.

           After a few minutes, Tom looked down at his feet. He seemed to be hurt by my lack of words, but how could I possibly speak after all that. I didn’t know what to say, but I knew I had to say something before he went away and another opportunity was lost. 

“Tom,” I said, his head snapping up and eyes looking into mine with anticipation. 

“Please don’t ever leave me again.”

-

[wazafam]

Villains are just as central to a story as the lead characters themselves. It seems the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) knows as much. Hence, it has been careful to craft villains with layered backstories that explain their motivation to unleash evil. Not to mention, some of them even look better than their comic counterparts.

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And while some of these villains may not be as powerful as they think they are, the MCU has also been careful to make sure they as relatable to audiences as possible. As a result, they tend to suffer from problems that everyone can understand.

10 Whiplash

Ivan Antonovich Vanko (Mickey Rourke) a.k.a. Whiplash appears in Iron Man 2. For him, the motivation to seek revenge against Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) is simple. A long time ago, his father, Anton (Eugene Lazarev) had worked with Tony’s father, Howard (John Slattery) on the arc reactor. But then, Howard gets him deported and Ivan’s family falls on hard times. Despite this, he pursues physics and becomes determined to bring Tony and Stark Industries down, especially after his father pointed out that he would have been the CEO of Stark Industries.

9 Justin Hammer

Admittedly, Iron Man 2 is not the most successful film from the Iron Man franchise, but it does a good job of giving fans more insight into Tony’s evolution from an arrogant playboy to someone who cares more deeply about those around him. As the arrogant playboy, Tony definitely attracted the ire of Justin Hammer (Sam Rockwell), Tony’s business rival. Basically, Justin just wants his business to have the same success as Stark Industries, so he wanted pertinent information on the Iron Man suit and arc reactor technology. He also became determined to gain favor with the U.S. military.

8 Darren Cross

MCU fans were introduced to Darren (Corey Stoll) in the 2015 film Ant-Man. He started out as a protégé of Hank Pym (Michael Douglas) and in a sense, he was looking for approval from Hank. While speaking with Mom Does Reviews, Stoll confirmed as much saying, “He’s trying to buff himself to impress this Father figure and it’s exactly the opposite of what a Father figure wants.”

RELATED: 10 Reasons Marvel’s Phase 3 Might Disappoint Fans

Later on, Darren also gets greedy, ousting Hank from his own company as he tries to replicate the Pym Particles and sell them for as much money as possible.

7 Thanos

Thanos (Josh Brolin) is among the powerful villains in the MCU. Sure, he may look different than everyone else (he’s big and purple) but his reason for snapping half of the world into existence is, in some ways, rooted in reality. In Thanos's view, the universe is overpopulated, thereby taking a toll on the supply of resources. Hence, in his view, the population had to be reduced to improve the quality of life. That said, the problem with Thanos’ argument is that he could have devoted his life to finding ways to creating more resources instead.

6 Obadiah Stane

Obadiah Stane (Jeff Bridges) was a prominent figure in MCU’s Iron Man and for good reason. Obadiah had been Howard Stark’s longtime business partner. When he died, Obadiah served as Stark’s Industries’ interim CEO, essentially keeping the seat warm for Tony. As he stayed with the company, Obadiah grew to believe that he himself could be the company’s future. The only problem was Tony was in his way. This is precisely why Obadiah went to great lengths to kill Tony. At the same time, he also desperately tried to copy his Iron Man technology.

5 Aldrich Killian

Iron Man 3 sees Tony take on another deranged businessman. This time, it’s Aldrich Killian (Guy Pearce), a man who has found a way to exploit terrorism so that his own organization could make more money. He did so by introducing the world to a supposed terrorist known as the Mandarin, a character that’s expected to feature heavily in the upcoming Shang-Chi film. Early on in the film though, viewers get a glimpse of Aldrich’s motivation for targeting Tony. When he was younger, he tried to get support from Tony, but Tony ignored him instead. This struck a nerve.

4 Hela

As the goddess of death, people may think that there’s anything about Hela (Catherine Blanchett) that’s relatable. Certainly, no one is capable of taming a gigantic wolf. And no one can singlehandedly trigger the destruction of an entire country.

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That said, one might also remember that Hela’s motivation for all her evil deeds is rather easy to understand. When she was younger, Hela was heavily favored by her father, Odin (Anthony Hopkins). Over time though, they didn’t see eye to eye and then she was banished by him. Odin then favored his son Thor (Chris Hemsworth), leading to Hela’s revenge.

3 Mysterio

Even in the Spider-Man movies, Tony’s enemies appear and try to seek revenge one way or another. Case in point is Quentin Beck (Jake Gyllenhaal) who appears in Spider-Man: Far From Home. In the movie, he takes on the superhero identity of Mysterio who pretends to rid the world of evil. As it turns out though, Quentin is nothing but a disgruntled former Stark Industries employee who just wants to achieve the same level of fame and notoriety as his old boss. That was pretty much his motivation for creating an elaborate spectacle where Mysterio can show off his fighting skills.

2 Killmonger

Since the release of MCU’s Black Panther, much praise has been said about the film’s main antagonist, Erik Killmonger (Michael B. Jordan). Basically, Erik feels like Wakanda’s royal family has wronged him his entire life, having left him to survive all by himself in the outside world. That’s because he has always known he has a claim to Wakanda’s throne even if they’ve never heard of him before. His rage ultimately propels him to set in motion a sequence of events that would bring him to Wakanda. He takes the throne after dueling with T’Challa (Chadwick Boseman).

1 Loki

Loki (Tom Hiddleston) is one villain who has practically been around since the beginning. Over the years, Loki has done some nasty things, such as making Thor (Chris Hemsworth) believe that their father has died and that he banished Thor from Asgard prior to his demise. Not to mention, Loki was also responsible for a certain alien invasion in The Avengers. What many may not realize, however, is that Loki had done all this simply because he was jealous of Thor. More importantly, he wanted attention and affection from their father.

NEXT: Marvel: 10 (Non-MCU) On-Screen Villains That Are Nothing Like Their Comic Book Versions

MCU: 10 Villains With The Most Realistic Problems | ScreenRant from https://ift.tt/3rgRJIK

[jewels2876]

Chance of a Lifetime - Chapter Six

Pairings: Chris Evans x Reader, Tom Hiddleston x Reader, Sebastian Stan x Reader, Robert Downey Jr. x Reader, Scarlett x Reader

Warnings: flirting, sexual innuendos

Summary: You are doing your first big interview with the Avengers cast ahead of the upcoming untitled film. Hilarity and flirting ensues.

Previously:

“Everyone, thank you so much for coming! That’s all the time we have; this was wonderful!” You extend your hand out, but you’re brought into a hug by Elizabeth, quickly followed by Chris and Benedict. Tom hangs back and waves to the rest of the group as they head out. You offer your hand, and he takes it, but instead of shaking it, raises it to his lips. Your hand, and other parts of you, warm and you can feel the slight bend in your knee. Tom whispers softly, “I was waiting until later to sweep you off of your feet.”

Tom takes a firm grip of your hand and keeps you steady. You let out a shaky breath and chuckle. “I didn’t expect that to happen!” He smiles down at you again, his eyes playing back and forth between blue and green. The grey shirt he had chosen to wear that day made his eyes more striking. He straightens up and rests his hand on your shoulder. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine, really,” you said. “Embarrassed at my clumsiness, but I’m still in one piece.” He lifts your hand again to his lips; that rush still overtakes you but this time you manage to stay upright. “Well then, until tomorrow.”

“Wait, tomorrow? Did I agree to something I’ve already forgotten?” you tease him. 

He laughs and throws his head back; it reminds you of Chris Evans a bit. “No, just as I got up to leave I saw a text from my agent asking me to come back tomorrow.” He frowned at you. “Did someone get you into trouble?” 

You think for a moment and groan; you know EXACTLY what’s coming. You shake your head in slight disbelief. “I think it has something to do with this bet Robert and Scarlett started. Be prepared to be put on the spot tomorrow!”

“May I walk you to your car?” Tom offered as you both stepped through the double doors. You peek up at him; the guy has serious charm and has been so attentive to you. 

You pause at the garage doors. “You really don’t have to; I might be a klutz but I should be fine getting to my car.” 

His eyes meet yours; you notice the twinkle and the color has gone more green than blue. His pupils seem larger and he seems to have moved closer to you. “I don’t know darling; what happens if you fall out of your car at home? I don’t want to be responsible for a broken leg tomorrow.” 

At this point you throw your own head back and laugh. Ok, this is guy is SMOOTH!  You push open the doors, pointedly look both ways, and hit the unlock key of your car fob. The lights blink twice. “I think I’ll be ok for now, but you’re so nice to offer! See you tomorrow!” He watches you as you open the car door and slide in; you put your seat belt on as you watch him open the car door just in front of you. You notice it’s a nice, but older, Jaguar model in a dark green color. Mental note, ask him if green only became his favorite color because of Loki.

The Next Day

You find yourself back in the interview room, this time with your boss and a few extra camera men. The props and posters from Marvel are still in place but there are a lot of chairs and you’re pretty sure this is the proverbial hot seat, as you pick a spot. Your boss grins over at you while pointing out the places she wants for the cameras. As the staging winds down, Robert and Scarlett walk in; Scarlett is dressed in a basic black sheath dress while Robert is dressed down in a t-shirt and black jeans. You look down at your own striped jumpsuit and yellow shrug; no one gave you the ‘black outfit’ memo. Even your boss was dressed in nice black slacks and a tasteful swing top of grey.

Robert was the first to greet you. “Hey there sunshine! Love this; how are you 41, you look 29.” 

You chuckle, “I hear that a lot; I’ve never looked my age.” 

Scarlett gives you a gentle hug. “I love the shoes personally; but hey I’m always a sucker for basic nude heels.” She points down at her own nude pumps. As if on a cue, Tom Hiddleston, Chris Evans, Sebastian Stan, and Tom Holland walk through the door. You inwardly cheer as you see Tom Hiddleston & Chris Evans dressed in various shades of blue, Tom Holland is wearing jeans and a yellow polo, and Sebastian in dark washed jeans and black t-shirt. You got up and hugged everyone; Tom Hiddleston whispers “You look lovely” before you pull away. 

Your boss claps loudly to get everyone’s attention. “You should all know why you’re here. Robert and Scarlett are your hosts, with y/n as the willing victim,” she smirked in my direction, “and you guys get to sweat it out! Have fun!”

You sink back into your chair, hands covering your face. Everyone else seems to chuckle at your embarrassment. You come out from ‘hiding.’ “Ok, let’s get this over with!” You grimace but laugh. You’re flanked by Robert and Scarlett with the other guys facing you.

Robert laughs and starts. “We’re all here because this lovely woman decided she would agree to a bet Scarlett and I made, like a month ago. So, we’re going to watch some of this footage and see first which guy, or guys, were predictably googly-eyed over these.” He motions to your legs, which are mostly hidden under the jumpsuit. You peek up and notice the Tom Hiddleston is staring at your legs as well. As the shortened video clips are playing, Tom notices you are noticing him, and he mouths a “Hi” at you; you mouth a ‘hi’ back. At the same time, you notice Chris’s eyes narrow slightly as he notices you and Hiddleston interact. 

The video playback finishes and Scarlett giggles. “I’m not sure if I should be impressed at our accuracy or disappointed that Mackie didn’t make a bigger goof of himself!” She turns to you with a question. “So, you’ve had a little time to think about all of this; any big decisions made?”

Tom Holland decides to pipe up. “Y/n is definitely attractive, but I think the age difference might be an issue.” He smiles at you politely, then gives you an exaggerated wink. You laugh at him pleasantly. 

Robert gives him a thumbs up. “Good thinking kid; still keeping your options open, I like it!” 

Scarlett rolls her eyes before turning back to you. “So you’ve left yourself a trifecta of an option here; Seb, Evans, and Hiddleston. I’m not sure this was a good move?”

Before you have a chance to answer, Seb chimes in. “While I’m all about a nice pair of legs,” he grins at you, “I don’t know if I’m the guy to pick here. Not saying I’m not interested, just that I have a feeling someone here might be more interested.” Your face goes carefully blank at Seb’s teasing. The insinuation is there, and you have to chuckle. 

Scarlett turns back to you. “Wow, ok! So, you’re down to Evans and Hiddleston! Neither one asked for your number on camera, so technically this bets a draw Robert.” 

Robert huffed and crossed his arms. He studied the two men across from him silently for a moment before a grin took over his face. He sat up and snapped his fingers. “That’s because they waited until OFF camera! Come on,” he glanced between both guys, “which one of you got it?” Evans lifted his hands as in defeat. Tom turned to him, a mix of surprise and relief washing over his face. Robert stares both of them down. “Neither ONE of you took the bait? Are you serious? Did you gloss over these?” Robert again indicated your legs. “Or these I might add?” as he pointed somewhere around your head. 

Scarlett threw her head back and arms up. “YES! I win!” 

You stare at her, jaw hanging. “What? How did you win?” 

Scarlett clarified. “Robert was sure that ANY of the guys would hit on you, or that one of these two would have gotten you to go out with them by now. I insisted that he was wrong, because Evans likes to torture himself with self-doubt before he caves to Seb’s teasing and asks a woman out. And THIS ONE,” pointing to Hiddleston, “just has to open his mouth and the women come flocking and he runs away like a scared bunny.” You stifle a giggle at the mental pictures forming.

You heave a deep sigh of relief. “Robert…” you tease. “Guess what I’m going to do now?” He rolls his eyes before looking you in the eyes. You wink at him then turn to Evans and Hiddleston. “Guys, how would BOTH of you like to go out to dinner with me? Remember, it’s Robert’s treat!”

A/N: I want to apologize that this sounds like an ending - but it’s really not! I seem to have a thing for long, drawn out, stories and I like having choices, so please bear with me while I get my act together LOL 

 next -->

Tag List: @sarahivi @pseudonymfox @lokiandbuckyaremine @writing-for-a-chance @woodworthti666 @greenarrowhead @thejemersoninferno @marvelc00kie35 @lovely-dreamer19 @moondancewrites @ticklikeabomb @puckerupplum

[meetmyinnerdemons]

150 questions tag

@prettyboialec @here-and-now9 have fun girls

1.Who was the last person you held hands with?

My baby sister

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

Not totally but I’m pretty shy now, I used to be different

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

Nobody specifically

4. Are you easy to get along with?

Pretty much, not with strangers but if I know a person it is easy

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

Ask @prettyboialec or @here-and-now9

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

Uhm.... Well, I have this type... Black hair, dark or blue eyes, tall

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

No

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

Wohooo, Benedict Cumberbatch, byyyotch

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

Not at all, but just with my friends

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

My mum

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“Should I go already?”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

I have one, “Super Psycho Love” by Simon Curtis

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

I love it <3

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

Not really, it happens very rarely

15. What good thing happened this summer?

I lost some weight

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

I’ve never kissed anyone

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

Maybe

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

I barely see that person but when I do, yes :)

19. Do you like bubble baths?

I love!

20. Do you like your neighbors?

Barely know them

21. What are you bad habits?

Keeping dirty dishes in my room

22. Where would you like to travel?

America, London, Spain

23. Do you have trust issues?

Yes

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

My morning coffee and jumping into my bed in the evening with my bubble lights on :3

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

Uhm.... everything?

26. What do you do when you wake up?

If it’s school day I get out of bed immediately, if it’s not I check my social media, read fanfictions or just nap some more

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

I’m pretty fine with my skin

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

Myself. And my best friends

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

I don’t have ex, I have no-one

30. Do you ever want to get married?

This is complicated. I do but I know I won’t

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

Yes

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

Oh! Benny Batch and Misha Collins! Or Emeraude Toubia and Rose Leslie

33. Spell your name with your chin.

JMju,l,kaz (well, it’s Julka XD)

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

I like going to the gym, ice skating and swimming

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

I hate TV so yeah

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

I have and I currently do

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

I never talk first in those situations

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

My type, so dark hair and dark/blue eyes, tall, sweet and gentle, trustworthy, maybe likes tv shows as much as I do

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

Shops with food and make-up

40. What do you want to do after high school?

I’d like to be a psychologist

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

Not everyone

42. If you’re being extremely quiet what does it mean?

That my depression strikes again

43. Do you smile at strangers?

Very rarely

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

Bottom of the ocean

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

During the week compulsion to go to school, during the weekend... My mum. I’d stay there for the whole day if she didn’t

46. What are you paranoid about?

Spiders, strangers, loneliness

47. Have you ever been high?

No

48. Have you ever been drunk?

Kind of

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

Yes

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

Grey

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

Multiple times

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

Oh, everything

53. Favourite makeup brand?

Rimmel, Golden Rose, Wibo

54. Favourite store?

I don’t have one

55. Favourite blog?

I like the ones I follow

56. Favourite colour?

Black

57. Favourite food? 

Sweets and chips (like Lays chips), peanut butter

58. Last thing you ate?

A sandwich with peanut butter

59. First thing you ate this morning?

A sandwich with Nutella

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

Yes, for... recitation? A long time ago tho

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

Never

62. Been arrested? For what?

Never

63. Ever been in love? 

Yes, twice... no. Thrice.

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

There wasn’t any

65. Are you hungry right now?

Nah, I’ve just ate

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

Nope

67. Facebook or Twitter?

Facebook

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

Tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now?

No

70. Names of your bestfriends? 

Justyna and Agata

71. Craving something? What?

*humming* Find me... somebody to love...

72. What colour are your towels?

Blue, pink, white

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

Two plus my white bear

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

Yes

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

I’m sure I have 2

75. Favourite animal?

A wolf and a puppy

76. What colour is your underwear?

White

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

Chocolate

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

Chocolate

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

Grey

80. What colour pants?

Dark blue

81. Favourite tv show?

Sherlock, Supernatural, Shadowhunters, Game of Thrones

82. Favourite movie?

1000 words, Pitch Perfect, Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

Never saw

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

Never saw

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

Didn’t see that movie

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

Dory

87. First person you talked to today?

My mum

88. Last person you talked to today?

Also my mum

89. Name a person you hate?

I don’t hate people but with Steven Moffat I’m close

90. Name a person you love?

No, not gonna do this

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

M O F F T I S S (Moffat stronger, Gatiss is too cute to destroy his sweet face)

92. In a fight with someone?

No

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

10?

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

Many, like 15 maybe or even more

95. Last movie you watched?

Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows

96. Favourite actress?

Emeraude Toubia, Rose Leslie, Amanda Abbington

97. Favourite actor?

Oh God... Benedict Comberbatch, Martin Freeman, Mark Gatiss, Jensen Ackles, Misha Collins, Jared Padalecki, Stephen Amell, Grant Gustin, Kit Harington, Richard Madden, Robert Downey Jr, Matt Daddario, Harry Shum Jr

98. Do you tan a lot?

Kind of

99. Have any pets?

No, sadly :(

100. How are you feeling?

Like shit

101. Do you type fast?

Very fast, but I make mistakes while I’m on my phone

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

Do you want me to make a list? Give me... a year

103. Can you spell well?

 Yes, very

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

I miss my first internet friend and my second crush

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

Sure

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

No!

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

Yes, I have

108. What should you be doing?

Getting my shit together

109. Is something irritating you right now?

The whole radio silence from Sherlock’s crew, the fact I have to read 650 pages book and... yeah.

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

Yup

111. Writing or drawing?

Both, totally, but I write more

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

I don’t cry in front of people

113. What was your childhood nickname?

Julson. My internet friend used to call me like that

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

Yes

115. Do you play the Wii?

No

116. Are you listening to music right now?

No :/

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

Yasss

118. Do you like Chinese food?

If it’s without those black mushrooms

119. Favourite book?

I have so many... I love John Green tho

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

Not at all

121. Are you mean?

Rarely, but I always try to be nice

122. Is cheating ever okay?

NO! Cheating is NEVER okay

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

Hell no

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Yes

125. Do you believe in true love?

Yes, but not in my case. I mean others? Yea, true love exist. But not in my life

126. Are you currently bored?

Who am I, Sherlock? :D

127. What makes you happy?

Lack of troubles, music, good tv show, nice fanfictions, food

128. Would you change your name?

Maybe, I’m not a big fan of mine

129. What your zodiac sign?

Aries

130. Do you like subway?

There’s no in my city, sadly

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

Ooooh, man, been there done that. We’re not friends anymore (his fault)

132. LGBTQ+ right supporter?

YES, YES, YES, YESSSSSSSSSS

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

“Something lately drives me crazy Has to do with how you make me Struggle to get your attention Calling you brings apprehension Texts from you and sex from you Are things that are not so uncommon Flirt with you you're all about it Tell me why I feel unwanted?“

“Super Psycho Love” Simon Curtis

134. Can you count to one million?

Sure

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

Out of context but “I didn’t see” (well, I did and that person knew that, I can’t come up with anything better now)

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

Closed, I hate open doors

137. How tall are you?

5′8 like Robert Downey Jr <3

138. Curly or Straight hair?

I love curls <3

139. Brunette or Blonde?

Dark hair, always

140. Summer or Winter?

Summer

141. Night or Day?

Night

142. Favourite month?

December, because Christmas

143. Are you a vegetarian?

Nope

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

Dark

145. Tea or Coffee?

Coffee, I hate tea

146. Was today a good day?

Not really, I feel like shit

147. Mars or Snickers?

Mars

148. What’s your favourite quote?

“Remember there’s a light and it never goes out”

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

I watch Supernatural, well... :D

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it somewhere, what’s the first line

“I have some interesting papers here, Watson - said my friend, Sherlock Holmes, when one day we were sitting at the fireplace - and I really think it’s worth for you to check them”

[jamielea81]

A Walk in the Park

Chapter 2

Description: When your husband dies in an accident, you try to move on with your life. When the memories of your shared home become too much even after two years, you make a drastic change and move to California. A new career, a new way of life, and an attractive new friend help you move on to find the happiness you need. *This will be a slow burn*

Pairings: Chris Evans x Reader

Warnings for this chapter: A curse word or two, an annoying boss, fluff.

Unbeta’d, so all mistakes are my own. This is purely for fun. Comments and reblogs are always appreciated. Tagging those who wanted to see a second chapter. @flamencodiva @the--blackdahlia @angelus320 @deanwinchesterswitch @thefandomzoneisdangerous

Read Chapter 1 Here

“Y/N!” A shrill voice called from two rooms away. You groaned inwardly but sighed outwardly and plastered a tight smile on your face. You excused yourself from the kitchen staff and walked quickly to the ballroom passing staff carrying various sized flower arrangements, many of which would be sent back once Colleen saw them. Everything was always over ordered and then returned for one reason or another. Your flats pounded the ground with urgency. You learned by day two that heels would not do. While you rather be wearing sneakers or at least a pair of Keds, fancy flats were the most you could get away with. Your two pairs of black heels would be reserved for event nights where dresses and the occasional skirt and blouse were acceptable. If you were being honest, you truly were a barefoot or sandal girl. Feet curled up on the couch with a book in your hand, that was the life. That was your former life back in Minnesota when you worked Monday through Friday and were off work by 5. Now most nights you were busy and forget about weekends. 

“Yes, Colleen? How may I help you?” You asked with that same tight smile on your face. Colleen was your boss’s boss. Your actual boss, Victoria, who you adored was extremely busy so you rarely saw her. She was sweet and loved your ideas. Often encouraging you to come up with idea boards to help you with future events that she was confident you would be taking the lead on in no time. Colleen should really be behind a desk making sales and the rare appearance for approvals, but that’s not how she operates. She likes to take a hands-on role which is good in some aspects but, she’s too much.

“Ah, Y/N, there you are. I’ve been calling you for an hour.” It was not an hour. You just saw her 15 minutes ago. “I need to see the menus again for the Mayor’s Ball on Thursday”

“I was just meeting with the chef going over the changes you suggested.” Grabbing your phone out of your crossbody bag, you opened an e-mail, typed in Colleen’s address, and attached the updated menu, all before she had a moment to respond. “Just sent you the updated menu.” You looked up to see a questionable look on her face. She didn’t know what to say; you had beat her to the punch after only working for her for a little over two months.

“Ah, wonderful, Y/N. Now, where are those new flower arrangements I ordered?”

You gestured to the hall with your hand and followed her out. It was going to be a long two days before the event.

 It had been a week and a half since you met Chris. He hadn’t sent a text but neither had you since your response that first night. You had typed out maybe 20 responses, several included dog emojis. You settled on a smiling emoji. Ugh, why are you so awkward?

You continued with your nightly walks, often heading in different directions. Always keeping an eye peeled for an adorable dog on the loose. Victoria had suggested hiking in Runyon Canyon with her on Sundays, but you just frankly haven’t had the energy. Working 6 days a week most weeks and various hours of the day and night, walking in your neighborhood was all you could handle at the moment.

Finishing off your walk, you jogged to the back of the house seeing the Smiths enjoying a glass of wine on the patio. “You two look cozy.”

“How was your walk? James asked. Arm stretched around Connie’s shoulder as they sat on the patio loveseat.

“It was really nice. I’m loving this weather.” They both nodded. “I’m heading up. Have a goodnight.” Your head tilting up towards the staircase.

“Goodnight, Y/N.” Connie said.

Unlocking your door, you quickly changed into your pjs which consisted of an old pair of gray sweats and a white V-neck t-shirt. It was already after 8, more like closer to 9, as you worked later tonight running errands for Colleen. Tomorrow would be last minute prep for the next night’s Ball. You were exhausted. Falling asleep while on Facebook reading, about the adventures of friends and family back home. You’d finish commenting tomorrow when you weren’t dead to the world.

 It was 11 in the morning and you still haven’t had your coffee. The people here don’t seem to understand that you can’t do life without coffee. Cursing the Colleens and interns of the world for causing you to run around like there’s no tomorrow, you took a deep breath, plastered on a smile and ran to the fabric store once more. You’d hit up the Starbucks drive thru on the way back, yeah, that’s what you would do. Exchanging the Royal Blue fabric for the True Blue fabric because the color had more “umph” you were on your way back to your car. Your phone dinged, most likely Victoria or Colleen checking in. Most likely Colleen asking for lunch even though the interns are at her disposal. Dropping the bundles in the back seat and plopping yourself in the front seat of your sedan, you pulled your phone out of your purse. “Oh, it’s from Chris.” Clicking on the message you were both excited and nervous. Part of you didn’t think he would actually message you again.

“Hey, Y/N. Checking to see if you’re free Friday for game night. It’ll be low key, maybe 7 of us.” Friday, you could do Friday. You’d be off early with only the cleanup from the Ball and dropping off the items that are kept for the next event in the storage unit. You would be tired and maybe not the best of company, but you weren’t working Saturday.

“Hey Chris! Yeah, Friday works. Let me know what time and where. Say hi to Dodger for me.” Hi to Dodger? Really Y/N? At least you didn’t add a dog emoji. Waiting a few minutes with no response from Chris, you put your phone away and set your course for the nearest Starbucks.

 You were at the park again after walking a little more than a mile. Since you started the day at 6 in the morning, Victoria told you to go home at 5. Victoria said she would handle Colleen if she asked for you. This is why you love Victoria. The park wasn’t as empty today as it normally was. You sat on the grass listening to the chatter from other people in the distance who sat around the fountain. You had slipped off your shoes and enjoyed the feel of the green grass on your toes. Your phone dinged and saw that it was a message from Chris with an address and telling you to come around 7. You replied back with a picture of the fountain and told him that you’d see him Friday. He sent a reply asking if you’d be at the park much longer. You said you’d hang around for a bit and waited for his reply. After about 15 minutes, enough time to reply to those Facebook posts and pictures, you were being attacked with slobbery kisses from Dodger. Laughing and using your hands to shield your face you looked up to see Chris in front of you. Sans hat this time. God he is beautiful. Wearing a pair of beat up jeans and a gray graphic tee that fit in all the right places. Is everyone this pretty in LA? “Dodger, that’s enough. Come on boy.” He said while gently tugging the leash and flashing a smile.

“It’s OK. I had a dog when I was kid so I am totally used to it.”

Chris plopped himself on the ground next to you. Dodger doing the same. “No dog now?”

“No, I’m renting a studio.”

“Why a studio? The market’s slowed down, it would be a great time to buy.” He asked.

“Well, Mr. Evans, moving across the country and not really knowing what area of the city I wanted to reside in permanently, buying didn’t seem like the smart choice at the time.”

“So, you do know who I am.” Smirk resting on his face.

“Guilty.” You blushed. “Kind of got into the Marvel movies a few years back. That Robert Downey Jr. is pretty wonderful.”

Chris scoffed, placing a hand on his chest pretending to be mortally wounded with your words. “I see how it is.” He said with a wide smile.

You let of a small laugh and nodded. “I like this area though. Not sure I can afford it, but I am thinking about it. I’m going to wait a bit to decide. The ocean calls to me, but that would put a damper on my commute.”

“Beach houses are great. Kind of a pain to keep up, but I know the appeal. How does the ocean call to a Midwesterner?”

“Grew up around boats. Land of 10,000 lakes dontcha know.” You said adding in that fake Fargo accent that is often mistaken for Minnesotan.

“That’s right, that’s right. Well, will have to make a trip to the ocean some time. A buddy of mine has a good-sized boat. We usually go out in the summer once or twice.”

Um, am I making future plans with my new best friend already? Play it cool, play it cool Y/N. “Yeah, that would be fun, I might have to take you up on that.” You replied. “So, what kind of games are we playing Friday?”

“We usually start with the easy ones like Life or Sorry. After a few adult beverages we switch to card games like Presidents and Assholes.”

“No way! You know that game too? I used to play that in college.”

“We have ringer? I know who’s on my team.” He said pulling you into a side hug. You laughed and started to play with the blades of grass.

“Well, I’m looking forward to it then. I do have to warn you that I may be a little tired. We have a big event tomorrow night and I have been running raged all week.”

“Noted.” He replied making a mock check mark with his finger. He started to get up and you started to put your sneakers back on. “I’ll let you get back home since you have a busy day tomorrow.”

“Thanks for stopping out. It was great to see Dodger again.” You said with a wink.

“You wound me again! I’m starting to regret this game night invite.”

“Okay, okay, I take it back. Scouts honor.” You replied with a little bit of a salute. Chris gave another smile.

“Good luck tomorrow Y/N.”

“Thanks, Chris. Bye Dodger.” With that you headed out of the park towards home.

You just needed to get through tomorrow and then you could finally breath this weekend.

Chapter 3