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cheeriecherrymain · 2 years ago

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Hear me out hear me out. tattoo parlor and flower shop au

AU TIME

Viktor x fem!Reader (SFW)

-Now hear me out, anon.

-Viktor already works a lot with his hands, focusing on intricate details and tiny contraptions - that’s basically already an art. I feel like if this is an au where hextech didn’t exist, and he had more of an interest in visual design, he’d be a great tattoo artist. Plus he canonically carved a bunch of runes into himself so we know he can also tolerate getting ink.

-He can probably do a lot of different concepts, but I feel like he’d really have a knack for semi-realistic mechanical pieces - making it look like his clients’ skin has rubbed away to reveal the metal workings beneath. Honestly cool af.

-And then one day, you walk in. It’s a nice parlour that he works at, so there are all styles of people who come in looking to get work done - he’s only surprised when you ask for him by name.

-He doesn’t recognize you at first, since he doesn’t really have any reason to pop across the street to a flower shop, but once you mention that you own the place, he kind of remembers your face. Or at least…he remembers seeing you wipe out on the sidewalk in front of your store during the previous winter.

-But he doesn’t mention that.

-Instead you find a comfortable seat in the little lounge area and start talking. He asks the general questions - do you have a concept or ideas, where do you want it, what colours, how big, etc etc.

-You pull out a couple pieces of folded paper and hand them to him. “I know it’s outside of what you usually do,” you say sheepishly, “but a friend of mine had some pieces done by you, and I loved your colour work.”

-He looks down at the references you brought, and skims over them. Flowers. Of course it was flowers.

-Your shoulders droop slightly when you notice his brows pinch together ever so slightly. “If you’re not sure about it, that’s cool,” you assure him, “I can ask around and see if I can find someone who specializes-”

- “I can do it,” he cuts you off, folding the pictures back up and putting them in his pocket. “As long as you’re alright with my own style, as opposed to exact copies of the image.”

-The smile you give him makes his heart skip a beat, wide and excited, and you begin buzzing with energy. “That’s what I was hoping for!” you say.

-You set up an appointment for a couple days out, to go over his designs and change up anything you wanted altered. When you skip out the door and head across the street, Viktor can’t help but feel a little mushy on the inside - something about your enthusiasm, or maybe your charm…maybe the fact that you sought him out specifically? Whatever it is, something about you has Viktor wanting to impress you.

-He works diligently on potential pieces for you, staying up later than planned to make sure that every colour and every line was perfect. And by the time your next appointment rolls around, he’s cranked out what is quite possibly some of his best work.

-And you seem to think so, too, staring slack jawed at the sketches he presents you with. “These are beautiful,” you tell him, in awe of how he was able to make something so bright and flowing. It’s hard to make a decision on which one you like the most, but eventually you make your choice, and the process begins.

-You pull your shirt off in one of the private rooms, and shrug off the straps of your camisole, getting comfortable on the chair. Viktor knocks before he enters the room, and you smile at him while he sets things up.

-He doesn’t usually chat too much with his clients while he works, preferring to remain silent and focus, but you’re…different. You ask him question after question about his job, but instead of getting annoyed, he finds it easy to continue giving you answers - where he studied, how he got into the profession, what some of his favourite artworks were.

-The conversation eventually flows into your own line of work, and he finds himself curious about you and your flowers - how you started in your field, what you enjoyed about it.

-He learns that you wanted to be a botanist all your life, but you eventually fell into flower arranging. He learns that most of your clientele consists of event-planners, and that the little shop is just a front for a larger business. He learns that you do all your arrangements yourself, and hand-select every flower that goes into them.

- “It’s tedious,” you admit, “But it’s rewarding. The money is lucrative, but I get so many heartfelt letters from people about how much they loved the flowers I sent for whatever event they had planned; that’s really what makes it worth it.”

-You chatter back and forth for another hour or two while Viktor works, and when he’s finished, you’re almost sad that it’s over. You’re plenty sore after sitting so long -and after having needles repeatedly pushed into your skin- but you’re still bummed that you don’t get to keep talking with him.

-You pay for the tattoo, and make sure to leave him an incredibly generous tip for all of his effort, and then you leave. Viktor watches you depart from the shop with a little wave and a skip in your step, and then you’re gone from his life.

-Over the next couple of weeks, he finds himself easily distracted. Work goes on as usual - he gets a bunch of people with simple tattoo ideas that he’s done a million times, and a couple of repeat-customers who’ve had work done by him previously.

-But when he’s in between clients and sitting behind the front desk, he often finds himself casting his gaze out through the windows lining the front of the shop, across the street, and over to your shop. He notices you coming and going a handful of times, but you never seem to look over at him.

-He’s honestly a little weirded out by how hung up on you he is, scolding himself for getting too friendly with a client. He knows he’s not actually been too friendly -all he did was have a good conversation with you while he worked- but he’s just. A little taken aback by how you seem to always be at the forefront of his mind.

-He even doodles flowers on his downtime: blooms he finds pretty, or that he knows the meaning behind, designing tattoos that he thinks you might like and thinking of all the places on your body that he could sneak a little bit of art in.

-He fully expects you to be a one-and-done kind of client - you got a flower done because you’re a florist, and you don’t need more than that. But some weeks later, when he’s at unawares, the bell on the front door rings. And you traipse in.

-You’re just as pleasant as when you first met, skipping up to the front desk to greet his coworker. As soon as Viktor hears your voice from the front room, he ambles over and all but steals you away.

-You exchange pleasantries, and you update him on how you’ve healed. You’re still in love with the little piece you’d gotten from him - so much so that you’re back for more. You admit to him that you don’t really know what you want, just that you want more flowers.

- “It would also be cool to see some of your own style, too,” you tell him softly, “My friend had a mechanical piece done by you - it’s gorgeous. It’s not really my aesthetic, but…I wonder if you think you might be able to combine the two? Plants and machines! Like, um….biomechanical?”

-He’s suddenly very aware of the fact that he definitely has a crush on you.

-You talk a little bit more, and he makes a couple of very loose sketches while you do so, to give you a general idea of what might work. He asks the typical questions again, but this time when he gets to sizing and placement, you shrug.

- “I have a high pain tolerance,” you tell him, “so…I was thinking that you might just. Pick for me? If that’s weird, then I totally get it. You hardly know me, after all! Um…”

-Adorable, he thinks, seeing you so flustered.

-But he agrees to make a couple of pieces for a couple of different areas, and then you can decide later depending on which sketch you choose.

-It’s all basically a repeat of the last art he made for you - he works tirelessly to draw out some of the best pieces he’s ever created, though they’re larger and more vibrant than the last. It’s startlingly easy for him to combine his usual style with yours, incorporating delicate plants and tiny flowers into his wired and industrial machines.

-You end up loving all of what he makes, once again having a hard time picking a single design. But eventually you decide on a drawing, and the two of you settle down to get through the process.

-Conversation flows just as easily as the last time you met, except this time you both end up dipping into more personal matters - your childhoods, your relationships, your hopes and dreams. It takes most of the day to get all your ink done, and there’s barely a moment where the two of you aren’t talking the other’s ears off.

-You’re thrilled with the finished product, too, even moreso than the last. You want so badly to trace your fingers over the intricate lines, but you know he’ll only scold you for touching a fresh wound. You settle for tearing up instead, quietly laughing at yourself as you wipe your eyes.

- “It’s perfect,” you tell him.

-You pay him what he’s owed, once more leaving a hefty tip for all his troubles - but this time, you give it to him in cash.

-Only once you’ve left the shop does he go through the roll of bills, his eyes nearly bugging out of his head when he realizes how much you’ve given him. He’s half a mind to call you back to return some of it, or at least ask if you gave him as much as you intended to. At least, until he gets to the center of the roll, when he finds a slip of paper.

-A little note scribble in your handwriting, thanking him for the beautiful work, and telling him not to stress over how much he’d received. -And there, on the bottom of the paper, is your phone number, scrawled beside the question ‘Wanna get coffee sometime?’

#viktor x reader #viktor arcane x reader #viktor headcanons #but not really #more of a bullet point story #listen #LISTEN #im #a hoe for tattoos #and i mean like #some tattoos are tacky yeah #but the ones where you can *see* the master artistry that went into the colours and design?#*chefs kiss*#doesn't matter what kind of style or aesthetic

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beyondtheglowingstars · 1 year ago

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Welcome to my hellhole blog

I'm Supernova but you can call me Nova to shorten it, my pronouns are she/her and I'm an adult. Requests are closed

I'm an artist and writer, so I'll post either of those things here; though the blog still retains a focus on writing, fanart is more of a far in-between thing.

The 3 fandoms I will make content for in this blog are: Super Mario Bros., The Legend of Zelda and Donkey Kong. Here's my Ao3 if you'd rather read my stuff there.

ALL HAIL LINKE

I'm SO normal about Spirit Tracks guys I promise hahaha-

Global blog rules:

While this blog contains SFW works, it also hosts NSFW content so minors do not interact. - Don't lie or I'll find out, oh and, if someone you know is a minor and interacts with my posts please shoot me a quick DM so I can block them (that is, if you provide the evidence).

You can find all my written works under '#cosmic writing', headcanons under '#character headcanons' and the stuff I've drawn with the '#my art' tag.

Don't even dare steal my art, claim as yours, remove my watermark (if applicable), trace or feed to AI.

Repost accounts get the fuck lost. Other than that, feel free to share my art if you just wanna show it to others on a different platform because you liked it but no uploading to any accounts you may own.

Absolutely NO homophobia, transphobia, racism, or any other type of exclusionary or discriminatory behavior towards any group of people is tolerated. You're not welcome here and I'll block + report you if I catch you doing any of that.

Pedophiles GTFO. Nobody likes you, shoo. I'll report and block you too.

My DMs aren't really open for friendly chat (sorry!). It just makes me ridiculously anxious having to interact through that medium with people I don't know, though I can assure you that I'd feel very flattered if you really considered DMing me. Please only use DMs for questions you really want a private answer for.

My asks are always open! And to add a little to the previous point, if you wish to know me better then you best bet is to use the asks since my DMs are closed. Go on! Ask me as many silly questions as you'd like or share your deranged ideas (I'll try to follow along), I might approach you then.

While I always try my best to know as much lore as I can find for the games/characters, and I have also played a lot of videogames for the franchises I write for, do note that I have an embarrassingly bad memory and I seriously might forget an important plot point even if I've already seen it previously. So if you catch something lore-inaccurate now you know why that might be.

Additionally, if you wanna share an NSFW idea/fic/whatever else please stick to the vanilla stuff for the most part. Meaning no non/dub-con, feces/piss and the like, blood, knifeplay and a couple others I can't recall right now. If you wanna know what I allow because it wasn't mentioned here just send me an ask and I'll answer, free of judgement.

9 times outta 10 my content's gonna feature a GN reader, unless I happen to write a very self-indulgent NSFW fic.

All of the NSFW x reader content I write will feature dom reader in one way or another be it through subtle actions or not so subtle ones. Sorry if you're not into that but that's just how I was born and I can't do much about it.

Please keep yandere and family/pregnancy content outside of my blog and requests. Doesn't bother me, but I just don't like it.

Requests closed right now. Don't have specific rules at the moment but just remember to follow these rules unless you want me to not do your request when they are open.

I think that's it for now, but these rules are bound to change at some point so come back to this post after a while or if I say I've made changes

Navigate my masterlists here

#pinned #READ THIS #minors dni #masterlist

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declanlikesmusic · 1 year ago

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Today's Listens: Episode 006

August 11th & 12th, 2023

I'm sure you might be aware that my last episode was a delayed bummer by the end of it, so I'm really just gonna start writing these episodes on the days once again to hope for a better outcome with them. My days without work are already over as soon as they began and because of work yesterday and a knockout bout of hayfever today, I'm gonna have to turn this into another double episode because I've hardly listened to enough on both days. Still though, let's have fun with these

We got some more content warnings on this one, albeit they're minor in comparison: Do watch out for a short but immediate mention of suicide as well as a reference to sk*nning that even I can barely tolerate most of the time.

ℍUM♥ℕIGHTM♥RE – 宇宙の認識 (2016)

Do pardon the unicode that comes packaged with this artist's name, but this is HUMANIGHTMARE, a once young & up-and-coming vaporwave producer who tragically lost to suicide in 2020. I caught ear of this particular album during a commemoration livestream on Vapor Memory and it allured me enough to want to seek out and check it out back then. I thought it was a very good album at the time and to this day, I still think the same way, though it leans very much into greatness at a good handful of points. This was a super meditative take on the growing slushwave sound of the time along with some hypnagogic drift tunes and I think the results should not go overlooked by fans of those genres. Tracks like the opener 宇宙の誕生 as well as 脳の網 are absolutely gorgeous, while the track that hooked me in the first place, 宇宙との関係、is so captivatingly strange to me in a way that I can only adore and fascinate about. If you're already deep into vaporwave, I highly recommend this one.

7.5 / 10

Highlights: 宇宙の誕生、宇宙の盛り、宇宙との関係、宇宙の夢、脳の網、復活

SURFING – Emotion (2019)

Up next on the trans agenda is the third and most recent album by vapor & chillwave duo SURFING. Their 2012 debut is one of the most iconic works of the genre and rightfully so, because it perfectly blends original instrumentation & singing with dense, hazy and deeply nostalgic vaporwave samples. So I have no idea what brought in them the need to forgo that entirely, as 2018's Incubo was still sample-based but nowhere near as dreamy and this one fully submerges into the stylings of chillwave & indie rock with none of what made them so excellent before. That said, with that expectation in mind, while this is still their least good album, it was at least better than what I was anticipating after the first couple of tracks. Visions is the song everybody turns to and for good reason, because it does bring a newfound energy to the band, but my favourite moments were still where they leaned back into their dreamy & hazy sonic roots. It's still a good album and if you're a fan of dream pop, I'd give it a shot. Just don't expect anything particularly dense.

6.9 / 10

Highlights: Visions, Crazy, Hearts, Enough, Give You Up.

Chat Pile – Remove Your **** Please (2019)

I'm going to say it now, this is among the worst EP titles I have ever read. I know that this band was deadset on making intensely dark & grim stories through noise rock & sludge metal, but if it wasn't for me keeping an open mind, I would've steered clear of this record entirely even despite the loving reception this got back then and even now. Which is a complete shame because I ended up enjoying this one more than any other Chat Pile record so far, even God's Country (which warrants a relisten at this point). I even found my current favourite Chat Pile song through this record in the form of Davis, weirdly enough. The drums just sounded much better on this record than I had previously heard, sounding way less blurrier and more burrowing, though that might just be attributed to my headphones being replaced months ago. Couple that with the noise, the energy, the vocals and especially Davis's melodies and despite the horrible name, I'd recommend this one to fans of dreadful rock music. I still don't love them as a band, but this gives me hope that whatever they cook next, I might be able to start clicking with them.

7.2 / 10

Highlights: Mask, Davis

netbooks.WRLD – loosies '19-22 (2022)

Speaking of EPs, I don't know how many y'all heard this up-and-coming talent named netbooks.WRLD? Dude's pretty local in the online vaporwave & electronic music communities and his discography is about as fresh as the next lemon you will ever buy, but real talk? I think he's by far one of the most promising artists to pay attention to! I was initially a dumb stupid dumb skeptic back when his debut album ENDLESS STAIRCASE popped up in 2021, but upon the last couple of months, revisiting that album, tuning in to his brand new single, checking out his Skylive performance and now coming over to this EP of loose cuts, I have fully turned into a believer! The dude makes some downright excellent post-industrial plunderphonics and vaporwave tunes all over his catalogue and I think I found some of my favourite tracks he's ever made through this EP. Sure, they were mostly featured in other places and that's counting the bonus tracks, but god, I've been hooked to them completely in the 24 hours since hearing this. My only sticking points against it are the volume of the high frequencies being a little too harsh for my personal headphones, but I know that's by design considering his aesthetic. Other than that, holy shit, go check out ENDLESS STAIRCASE and this EP at your earliest convenience.

8.3 / 10

Highlights: pipes song, shook shook, RAGDOLLS

Vįr+üål Åįrßñß – ▚ ▛ ▜ ▟ ▞ (2021)

It's the second day and one of the best discoveries I've made last year was this random but completely ethereal-looking and unpronouncable album by a young Virtual AirBnB and I thought to relisten to it for the morning. Spoiler alert: This might just be one of my favourite vaporwave albums. This record is compact, but it is so gorgeous and stunning! It flawlessly blends together elements of mallsoft, new age music, I believe sophisti-pop R&B vocal samples and just overall aesthetics of beauty, nature and the future. Almost every single cut here is downright heavenly. Listening to them all from front to back is one of the most soothing, relaxing, beautiful and often transcendent experience I've personally had with the genre and it's so criminal how overlooked this album is so far. High recommendation to the absolute heavens. Just put your headphones on and let the rivers drift you away.

9.3 / 10

Highlights: ⿴ ༄ ℣ ₪ ℣ ༄ ⿴, ••• ❒︎ ❒︎ ᵒ ᴼ ᵒ ▫ 𐊔 ▫, | ⟗ ☱ ☲ ☳ ☵ ⟗ |

サイバー '98 – RENDERED FANTASY

Saiba '98 is an enigma to me. I don't think, even in the vaporwave scene, this short-lived alias got any of the credit it honestly deserves. The music's not excellent, but for a vaportrap artist, this guy managed to craft some of the unique, jarring and abstract material in this form. Upon relistening to DIGITAL FOREST for instance, I found it absolutely fascinating in how the tempos are sporadic and unformed, the beat instrumentaion is basic and minimal and the backing ambient atmospheres are ghostly and dark. This culminates into his last album under the project, RENDERED FANTASY, and while I can't tell you in good conscious that I love it or that it's completely great, this is honestly the best release of the few still publicly available. More than any other album I've heard from them, this album is glitchier, darker, more ominous, eerie and experimental than ever before. I almost completely admire the way he was seeing through his vision on this one. If you're curious, I can't guarentee you'll love it, but if you're a fan of vaportrap or experimental music, I'd give it a fair shake.

7.3 / 10

Highlights: b e n z a i t e n , Love Translator (self care), Hospital Flower, Kingdom_$lave, Life is a Constant Double Helix

crt paralysis – "Slideshow" (2022)

I'm about neck deep with vaporwave again these past couple of days, so next I threw on this project that got me very curious. Known for making some great vaporwave & DnB as dotnds, CRT Paralysis is a broken transmission side-project of theirs that I'm not fully enamoured with but still greatly appreciative of, especially with their Winter Paralysis series of albums. This "Slideshow" caught my eye though as it looked to center completely around the nostalgia of 2000s office computers and Windows 95 styled corporatism. However, not exactly in the way that I viewed it as a child, which is a little disappointing, but I still found this to be a very good time. The presentation was what drove this home to me the most, it's pretty off-kilter, even for Bandcamp standards. If you're curious for some late 2000s vaporwave nostalgia in a format that I could see INTERNET CLUB doing back in the day, I'd recommend this one.

7.0 / 10

Highlights: "Newlife" 2008/04/02, "Screenshot" 2006/08/17, "Evening" 2008/07/03, "Email" 2008/07/04, "Lounge2" 2008/07/09

RAWINTHEVOID – Alphalord (2018)

How do I go about this one? This was the third album from a then very young RAWINTHEVOID. RAW is a talent in post-vaporwave & plunderphonics that I've been looking forward to seeing his growth for a few good years now. His two latest albums MD (Manifest Destiny) and NOTINTHEMOOD are especially great and, even with some very rough patches, they still shine in comparison to his very, very humble beginnings. I've been going through his catalogue backwards and it's fascinating to see how rudimentary & borderline regressive their sample-based works were back in the day. Even on Alphalord, currently my least favourite of theirs (but only barely behind Double Couple), I still found a wealth of fascinating ideas for its alphabet-long tracklist. For example, I would've never thought that speeding up a whole ass noise rock album down to less than six minutes in a song would've sounded any good. To spoil you, it doesn't sound good, but I'm glad someone tried it anyways. I don't recommend this one. If you're curious, go through his latest albums and his live sets, but don't go digging through the back catalogue. Trust me.

4.4 / 10

Highlights: c3, m13, o15, q17

VHS Head – Persistence of Vision (2014)

To close off this post, I went with the sophomore album from one of the most "Dude, how come you've never heard of this guy" artists in the realm of electronic music. VHS Head is a producer of IDM & Glitch Hop beats that are constantly punchy, sporadic and memorable, all thanks to his incredibly persistent sampling of found VHS tapes. He's growing a cult following overtime but it's not exactly helped by his sparse release schedule. This album came out less than five years after his first and he only thought to put out a followup just a few months ago. I can't wait to try that out, but I would shoot myself in the foot if I didn't go for this album first and I'm very glad that I did. I guess when I heard it, I was a little unenthusiastic in a way? But only the way that still made me love this album in the end, like my thought process was "Of course this album is great." The beats are still punchy, the constantly shifting sample flips are more memorable this time around, I think it's even better and more consistent than his debut! Highly recommend this one, with no doubt.

7.9 / 10

Highlights: Enter the Devil, Don't Look in the Closet, Camera Eyes, Red Ocean Apocalypse, Dead to Morrow, Frozen, Body Magic, Angels Never Sleep

Finally, another episode in the books! You'll notice I'm committing to these a little less and less, but I'm honestly not sure if I can keep doing these daily. I'll keep 'em up for as long as I like, but I think it's time to finally admit that I might skip days proper. I'll find a way to still make them work though, because no doubt, every day, I find something new that I want to talk about. Maybe I could make it more of a highlights thing than an outright journel, but we'll see how that shapes up. Until then, I'll see you next time!

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bisluthq · 2 months ago

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To thrive in the industry, you need to have a thick skin and be able to tolerate some unusual behavior without complaining. I don't think Chappell will be able to handle it. While it's important to set boundaries with overly enthusiastic fans, in cases like the red carpet you need to learn to ignore it and not react.

especially since it was NOT directed at her? Like I say lol idk where you guys live but I’ve heard some pretty crazy shit in public transport and if randos are yelling I… don’t like decide to enter the group chat? If someone had yelled something directly nasty to her or even hard to misconstrue as not about her then I get saying something but like if people are noisily arguing in a noisy place it seems a little weird to get involved.

still strongly feel that most of the people bashing her are like… mean and rude and nasty for no reason but I guess that’s also the nature of the internet. Also do feel like this was kind of weird behavior and I’m still not into her REPEATEDLY cancelling her shows for more exposure opportunities. I totally get her calling out invasive fans though, that’s fair lol like idk people in public aren’t commodities right so don’t be creepy and weird. If it seems like it’d be appropriate to say hi, fine but also accept that they might not be in the mood?

idk I was talking about this to my friend in a kind of different context (not Chappell’s thing) and she said she thinks about it as like bothering any professional off duty. If you’re in the hospital, you have a right to demand the doctors and nurses like… treat you. If you’re in a school, you have a right to demand the teachers teach and provide feedback and shit to you/your kids. If you’re in a restaurant, you have a right to demand the kitchen staff cook for you and the wait staff serve you tbh. You still needn’t be a cunt in any of those places but also you 100% have a right to demand that they do their jobs.

Flipside, if you see your doctor (or even someone you know is a doctor) out at the grocery store and start hassling them to look at your weird toe thing or you see your child’s teacher in a public place and hassle them for feedback (or try fob your kids off on them lol - hasn’t happened to me personally with my students because I teach big kids but I was in a group of teachers at like a sunset concert once and this mum of one of the Year One kids my friend taught asked if she could leave the kids with her while her and her husband go get merch and snacks and my friend said yes but I was fucking annoyed right and if I’d been her I’d have said hell fucking no lady, I’m not at work, but also that’s why I don’t teach Year One) that’s imo SUPER uncool. Even if you’re friends with the people right like my doctor friend is okay with me asking a medical question if I legit can’t go to the doctor for whatever reason or to find out if I should but she has had to draw the boundary of me continuing to hassle her with questions like “is this the right medication/what are the alternatives/is this the way this should be clearing up” etc. Also I know chefs often get asked to cook for friends lol.

And like… it’s awesome if you want to do that and it’s kind and it’s sweet. I actually do always hang out with kids (not the very little ones because I don’t like those but closer to the age I teach) at social functions where they’re bored without even being asked and like find shit for them to do. But that’s my choice then, right? Like I’m offering to continue doing my job in my time off.

So as a fan (and actually as members of the media too) you have a right to demand artists do their jobs at concerts, meet and greets, signings, and yes at events they choose to attend. Because that’s their job, not a fun hobby anymore.

Chappell’s correct in that she needn’t be a pop star when she’s not working and if she wants to be she can but she REALLY doesn’t have to be. However, to me Chappell seems a little unclear on what’s her off time (that she’s 100000% entitled to and can regulate fully in terms of boundaries) and what’s her workie turkey time, where she has to 1) show up 2) do her job 3) suck up the kinda bullshit bits lol same as all of us 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

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cloudwolfieaskblog · 8 months ago

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A list of rules for SCP-H4RP13:

Note: Unlike the infamous Bright list, which was meant to be a joke, this list is semi-canon and does represent some of H4RP13's behavior in containment:

0. Most but not all elements on "The List Of Things Dr. Bright Is Not Allowed To Do At The SCP Foundation" are in full effect!

1. SCP-H4RP13 is not allowed to claim it's a sapient fursuit. Yes, we know that's the most accurate way to describe you. The interns you traumatized by ripping your head clean off had to be amnestized and let go of their internship.

2. SCP-H4RP13 is not allowed to bake hyper realistic cakes of dangerous SCPs and scatter them around randomly. The number of personnel we lost to heart attacks reached an all-time high that day.

a) No, not even if the cake is tasty.

b) No, you may not use SCP-6161 to turn random things into cake.

c) hyper-realistic cakes of everyday objects, plants, food, animals, mythical creatures, pieces of art and landscapes are fine. But only if they aren't one of our contained anomalies!

d) No, we do NOT care that an SCP-096 cake is considered artistic representation. Stop.

3. H4RP13 is not allowed to spend time with Dr. Bright during breaks outside of containment ever! We don't have enough insurance money to cover for the damages.

[Addendum: for the sake of keeping the entity contained this rule has been abolished. However he is still only the entity's handler.

—O5-1]

4. H4RP13 is assigned the Thaumiel Object Class, true. This does not however give it a pass to cause mass destruction for fun. Unless it's in a rage room, but that is an entirely different scenario.

5. H4RP13 is not allowed to call new personnel who fill roles previously held by another personnel it knew as "replacements". Yes, we miss Dr. Glass and Iceberg as much as you do. No, the new personnel are not trying to steal their roles or their place in your heart.

6. H4RP13 is not allowed to be in the same containment site as Dr. Samet. Yes, we know you don't tolerate it when he calls Dr. Bright by the amulet's designation. No, it's not an excuse to break Dr. Samet's nose, both arms, both legs and his pelvis. Stop making his life miserable. Your "immortal buddy" can handle it on his own.

7. H4RP13 is to be kept far away from SCP-076-2, unless it's sent out to stop an active containment breach.

8. H4, using spray cheese instead of the radioactive silly string isn't a big enough distinction to make the joke you recreated from Bright's list original.

9. H4RP13 is not allowed to use its hair as storage. As comfy, soft and fluffy it is, nobody wants hair in their stuff. Especially from a lycanthrope. No, it doesn't matter that you practice good hygiene. Hair is hair. And it's a biohazard.

a) For the sake of transparency, we are referring to the hair on top of the entity's head. Don't get ideas, people.

10. H4RP13 is not allowed to use its shed fur to make a decoy of itself while it's out and causing trouble. We aren't falling for that. Again... For the third time... Just stop it!

11. SCP-H4RP13, the official motto is still "Secure. Contain. Protect." Don't even try rewriting it to "Gotta catch 'em all" We can't afford another lawsuit after Kelloggs sued us over "Snap crackle and pop"!

a) And what did we tell you about stealing from Bright's list?

12. Yes, H4RP13... We know Dr. Bright is your crush best friend the appropriate term is supervisor, for crying out loud! No, that doesn't mean you're allowed to brainstorm new pranks together.

13. H4RP13, look. Playing tabletop rpgs and TCG matches against a reality bender is fun. We get it. No, asking said reality bender to make the game reality is still not allowed. Consider other people's well-being pal-lease!

14. Yes, we admit it. You're a skilled thief. We're impressed every time you pickpocket us during a chat, seemingly not moving an inch. But in all seriousness, if you steal another personnel's key card we're removing your recreation wing privileges indefinitely.

a) What did we just say?

15. H4RP13 is not allowed near anything shiny or valuable due to its kleptomania. I'm baffled this rule wasn't made sooner.

16. H4RP13 is not allowed to replace Dr. Clef's buckshot with itching powder. What kind of a monster are you?

a) Yes, that was creative enough to see it as a separate prank. Still, what kind of a monster are you?

[A very itchy one. —SCP-H4RP13

Who gave you access to this list? —O5-1

H4, please don't snitch on me. —Dr. Bright

[REDACTED] —Dr. Bright

I swear to 343, you two... —O5-1]

17. No longer allowed to listen to country music. We don't need a repeat of "The Devil Went Down To Georgia" case involving Dr. Clef or any other reality anchor or reality bender.

18. Yes, Epic: The Musical is, well, epic. No you may not make up your original SCP cast. And no you absolutely may NOT cast Abel as Poseidon.

a) Addendum 1: H4RP13 is no longer allowed to recreate any musical, anecdote, screenplay, movie, puppet show or series be it live action or cartoon.

19. H4RP13 is no longer allowed in the zoo, on safari or near animal SCPs. We swear to 343 if you ever try to "pet the big kitty and its kittens" again....

a) No, you may not pet the "wild puppers" either.

b) No, "oversized teddies" are also not viable candidates.

c) Neither are "clawed birbs".

d) Who gave it the idea to go and visit "dracula and his family"? It's a rhetorical question, we all know who did it.

e) No, "horsies" of any kind are not pettable for you.

f)Neither are "sea puppies". And why the ████ would you call a shark a sea puppy?!

g) No, it doesn't matter that it's "fren shaped" when it's little. Do you know what isn't "fren shaped"? Its adult counterpart.

h)Yes, bunnies are cute. No, you can't own one. Or more.

i) H4RP13 is not allowed any pets and there's that! But Bright's list already covers that rule, geez! This is one that applies to it too.

[Not even furry potatoes....?

—SCP-H4RP13

How did you type in here again?! But speaking of the question, no. No animal or anomaly. I don't care if it would be a cute pet, period.

—O5-1

A professional never reveals their secret ;) —SCP-H4RP13

Bright gave you VPN access, didn't he? —O5-1

Nope. I got it myself.

—SCP-H4RP13]

20. I thought this goes without saying, but here we are. SCP-H4RP13 is not allowed access to any electronics, unless it's for a test that was greenlit by the Ethics Committee. Nevermind, don't let it access electronics and that's final.

a) How the hell did it rickroll everyone on a lighter?!

21. SCP-H4RP13 is not allowed to reference Star Wars to prove a point. No, it does not in fact have the high ground, Night Sister magick, or the Force, no matter how much it may insist otherwise.

a)"Come to the Dark side, we've got cookies" is a dead meme.

22. SCP-H4RP13 is required a wisdom check every time they get an idea. For that its supervisor in the moment has to roll one D20 and subtract two from the final score. Any score under 16 will be a dismissal of the idea.

a) Okay, so apparently somehow the wisdom checks say you add 2 to the score. I don't know nor care to find out why.

b) For goodness' sake! If SCP-H4RP13 has a genius new idea don't let Bright do the mandatory wisdom check! Somehow he always hits a NAT 20 on the worst ideas.

23. SCP-H4RP13 is not capable of stealing the Moon.

a) SCP-H4RP13 is not allowed to attempt to steal the Moon.

b) SCP-H4RP13 is not allowed to succeed in stealing the Moon.

24. No longer allowed access to the "Despicable Me" movie series.

25. For future reference, stop slow dancing with Bright while they are on duty. As a representative of the O5 Council, I am glad your relationship with them only grew stronger as the decades passed, but please stop calling Site-19 single in a million languages. –O5-13

#scp oc #original canon #scp-h4rp13 #dr bright #bright list parody #the list of things Dr Bright is not allowed to do #the list of things SCP-H4RP13 is not allowed to do #semi canon

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ear-worthy · 11 months ago

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Equity, Equality, And Inclusion Dialogues: A Podcast About Who People Are

At first glance, the podcast name -- Equity, Equality, And Inclusion Dialogues -- doesn't seem to be catchy, lively, vibrant, and assertive enough to attract listeners.

However, after you listen to the first episode with the guest, a copywriter named Dev, who is transgender, neurodivergent, and self-proclaimed aracial, you realize that the name is flawless in its description of the podcast's tone, tempo, thoughtfulness, thoroughness, tolerance, transformative nature, and even tenaciousness.

This podcast was conceived, developed and is hosted by Tracy Kadessa. She is a Kenyan policy advisor, researcher, writer and artist. Having studied law at both graduate and undergraduate levels, she is keen on the intersection of technology and human rights, as well as gender.

Tracy was a board member and an acting national coordinator for the Forum for African Women Educationalists-Kenya Chapter, an Internet Society ambassador (2017), a consulting researcher for the State of Internet Freedom in Africa Report by CIPESA(Collaboration on International ICT Policy in East and Southern Africa), a member of the Kenya Internet Governance Forum Multi-stakeholder Advisory Group, a participant researcher at the Citizen Lab Summer -Institute (University of Toronto) (2018) and a fellowship scholar at the International Maritime Organization-International Maritime Law Institute (2019–2020).

As a host, Kadessa excels with a cheery, supportive, and professional demeanor. There is a breezy formality about her hosting delivery that can disarm listeners. Possibly because of her legal background and expertise, Kadessa knows her way around a successful interview.

Kadessa says: "We are here to have action oriented conversations on equity, equality and inclusion! Join us as we meet and chat with amazing people from different parts of the globe."

I asked Tracy Kadessa, "Why start a podcast?"

Her response was: "I was tired of gatekeeping. We need to have important conversations on equity, equality, diversity and inclusion, but sometimes the very platforms that talk of being open for us are so closed off we can't access them."

When I asked,"What has challenged with podcasting?"

Her response was emphatic: "In the beginning, it was audio editing, If you check some of the first episodes, the audio is terrible. (AUTHOR'S NOTE: She is being too hard on herself), I had no idea how this was done, and I couldn't find someone to help. But now, I'm getting better at it, I'd say I score 65 percent now. I'm working towards getting to 100. Another hard thing is getting your podcast out there. It can be very overwhelming. And of course the elephant in the room for many podcasts is making money from it."

In episode nine, Kadessa discusses how patriarchy, capitalism and white supremacy have shaped our perceptions of women's hair.

In episode five, Kadessa begins by stating, "Change Management seems to be a buzz word! But in this episode, Dr. Batsheva (Sheva) Guy (She/her) walks us through the importance of Change Management and why equity and Inclusion principles have to be part of it." It's a remarkable interview, with Kadessa walking listeners through the ways in which Change Management principles must include equality and inclusion in its fundamental structure.

In the last episode in December, Kadessa discusses one of the most pernicious thinking patterns -- stereotypes.

"Sometimes stereotypes make us miss out on what we really want to be," Kadessa says in the episode.

In this episode, Lisa Hällbrink shares her journey in the engineering field, as well as her work in challenging stereotypes about engineering and STEM. It's a captivating exchange between host and guest.

While I am sure that Tracy Kadessa would not turn down money to podcast, like a lot of indie podcasters, her primary motivation was to spur conversations on equity, equality, and inclusion.

As Tracy has said on her podcast: "We need to enable people to live life on their terms. We need to listen to people when they tell us who they are."

Tracy Kadessa -- indie podcasting superhero!

**************************************

This review is part of an ongoing series of reviews, recommendations, and essays about Indie podcasters -- their craft, their challenges, and the critical role they play in podcasting. These entrepreneurs display skills as disparate as hosting, sound production, graphic design, scriptwriting, interviewing, marketing genius, and financial watchdog. They are the heart and soul of podcasting.

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northropi · 1 year ago

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is it wrong of me to kinda take the "gosh darn Twitter refugees" thing a little personally? like...

ok so yeah i had a phase where i hated Tumblr because it was cool, but during that time i was on NO social media (thank fucking CHRIST). i ended up on Twt sort of by default, the OG Twitter account was actually something my brother initially kinda dragged me into, even if i met a lot of people there eventually i was pretty meh about it for a while and that's probably an understatement i'm now realizing.

i sooooorta had a breakdown because of how toxic my feed got. i unfollowed a lot of people and i think my tolerance for the site from that point on was tempered by "oh well, not as bad as that was" with "that" being my sole experience with SM in a capacity beyond either ONE Discord server, Steam chats, and scrolling through fucking Know Your Meme without an account. it's hard to gauge whether or not it's had a positive effect on my mental health because of how miserable i've been in real life, for as long as i can honestly remember. like i'm sitting here as i speak unpacking that having just had it bubble up and, like, idk. i think about hiatuses a lot but this is also kind of the only thing i can retreat to.

but the next chapter in this story is i'm about 20-ish, and Tumblr rolls out its porn ban. at this point all i had seen of Tumblr was, frankly, NSFW artists, and i just saw them get wiped out. at this point i wanted to be one of them and Tumblr was obviously a significantly less safe prospect for that now, and on top of that this sort of betrayal made me kinda want to avoid this site out of protest. i think the fact that they're in the process of reverting that is a big factor in why i'm here today instead of doing everything purely on Newgrounds or something.

point is, like, gh. there's not a lot of bad blood here on my end and maybe it's just that Cool Thing Your Brain Does If You're Abused Where You Get Hypersensitive To Any Slight Expression Of Anger going off at sarcasm but i'm kind of tired of seeing it. not expecting anyone to actually stop but, just, i don't know, i do genuinely feel unwelcome here and the other place is probably gonna start filling my dms with hate speech by the end of the month at this rate. Newgrounds is nice so far, i say, ignoring the fact that i have not at this point been "scouted" and therefore am apparently literally invisible on anyone's feed unless they actively look for me.

...am i just nothing without the birdsite? am i going to be able to salvage what i had there? did i deserve it in the first place? is there anywhere that will take me? fuck.

#twitter refugees

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weaselbeaselpants · 4 months ago

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Someone 'doing a sus' shipping/r34 behavior could be a sign of something but it could also be a sign of nothing--

drawn sexual material of explicitly stated-to-be-UNDERAGED-characters is different. It will always be different than the Alice in Wonderland porno or the pinup art you made of adult Lydia Deetz. You as an adult should not be attracted to underage people for being underage and to things that can not consent.

Yes, it may not be 'AS BAD' as ab*sing a real-life child, that doesn't make it 'okay' or 'oh, well that's nothing bad nvrmind". Other people may dismiss it's [lol!shit] severity but that doesn't mean they are 'into it' or want your shit around them.

Most proshippers I see arguing for loli art to stay legal are doing so out of worry that these same rules will be used to restrict it will be used against non-abusive things. Like kinks or, even worse, gender and sexuality pride, not out of 'love' for lol!shit. Good for them but also, I'm annoyed with this mindset. It's really putting the cart before the horse: you can't know a ban is going to lead to more bans on a thing unless you see that actually happening or not. I say read the fine print before you post about how 'puriteens stole ur ice cream' or some shit. 'Love and tolerating' people who 'just' draw underaged shit is not only not helping your case -the case that you don't care about and/or actively hurt minors or survivors of sa- but it makes you look incredibly selfish while abusing the language of self-care.

States and provinces all over the world take drawn/written work of minors seriously because a lot of the time loli/shota/cub art-enjoyers aren't just into fictional kids, despite what they say.

As with MAPs, these people think their paraphilia is actually healthy or good and that they couldn't possibly be grooming because 'so and so'-also did it. They try to mingle with and expose their fetishes to all 'types' of people and they don't see what they're doing for what it is, then get mad and claim discrimination when you say "hey don't draw minors like that". Good god look at the nightmare that is Floraverse, Bleedman or Shadbase. Look at the skeletons in Lily's Orchard's closet, and then the multitude of ways she tries to deflect her paraphilias onto other people.

No- these people are NOT Nabakov. "Lolita" is not cp because the book itself is not trying to sexualize Dolores. Humbert, like a real predator, knows not to detail that stuff but instead mention enough things that illustrate everything else you need to know, which is why it's horrific and why it was intended to always be horrific. Even if Lolita was what people accuse it of being- it isn't "okay because the p3do dies at the end!", like Lily's tried to say about her old MLP fiction. Lily and that "Kite" anime do not get away with what they do just by taking on a 'sad' ending for the assailant.

If you are attracted to animal-coded animal characters or child-coded child characters because they are animals or children; or, even worse, real life animals and children, you don't have a kink- you have a paraphilia and you need serious help.

The rest of us 'degenerates' do not want you in our furry parades, chatting us up about shipfics and showing off the neat smut we made- we do not want you there. And we damn sure don't want you anywhere near our families, coworkers, friends or pets. You are not invited. You need help, ESPECIALLY if you ever begin looking at content made using real children or animals. That Mighty Magiswords mf wasn't being hypocritical dumping on loli artists when he had real-child cp, he was deflecting and trying to get people to see him as the moral one.

This is my stance. This will always be my stance and screw you for calling me a puritan for being concerned for people around me. Screw you for wanting the kinky weird shipping bsdrama I'm into FAR THE FUCK AWAY from people who 'like' kids and animals. We are not one in the same; I am not being 'hypocritical' by calling you out; I am concerned as a fellow adult pervert. Selfishly I don't want you involved because your actions are going to hurt all of us; instinctively, I know there are some lines you don't cross.

We live in a surveillance wasteland of censorship and subscriptions. A lawless wasteland is not good or 'better', but no matter what we need our own autonomy back. You genuine bigots, predators and creeps are not wanted. We do NOT have to tolerate ur shit to get what we need to exist on the internet as artists.

~End of part 2. (and of rant)

About fandom smexuality, aging-up, age gaps vs CSEM

The thing I wish people could understand is the debate over whether or not loli/shota/cub/drawn 'artwork' is inherently cp is a different debate than the fandom questions of:

" Is making a child character into an adult for *reasons* akin to irl grooming? "

" Is making a childincanon-now-adult-character date an always-was-adultincanon-character akin to irl grooming? "

" Is making absolutely everything into a sexy pinuplegalage adult good for me? "

" Can you write about these topics at all? "

" What is someone's mental age vs physical age when it comes to fantasy fiction involving shit like gods, monsters, shapeshifting talking animals having smex? "

" Is it wrong to dismiss a character's age when they otherwise don't act or look the age they're supposed to be +are treated as sexualized adult in canon? " ((kinda specific; I'm mostly thinking of Ariel and Jasmine being canonically 16 and 14 for some reason.))

All these above debates are worth talking about. And by talking about, I do mean having discourse over because it's unavoidable. No one is going to agree 100%, I think that's just the nature of sexualizing things or maybe just fiction in general. Something that may be tame to you can be triggering/traumatizing for another person -especially if that person is a survivor of any kind of ab*se. You are not responsible for their well-being, B U T, you ARE responsible for yourself and not being a dick to survivors. I also think it's such a 'your millage may vary';'depending on the situation in canon v fanon'-shit going on.

f.e. shipping the themepark young man version of the Mad Hatter with the adult woman Alice that walk around Disneyland and are their own characters apart from their animated counterparts but clearly are still meant to illicit those versions-- I can be sus and grossed out and designate it as one of my own notps all I want, same with Lydiajuice and Fluttercord. I DO find these ships genuinely 'icky' to me because I can't get over the association w the animated versions. BUT- knowing the context of what people are into it and how, I'm not going to call that shit amoral. It's not. I'm just allowed to dislike it. Cope.

Ultimately people are right that it's sus how we keep making underage characters into smexy adults to appeal to adults with sexual and/or shipping tastes. Like 'can we seriously not comprehend characters in a non sexual (or in fandom, non shiptastic) context EVER about anything?' is a genuine debate worth having.

People are also right that susbehavior can be excused with legitimate circumstances; like how coming of age stories inherently mean minors discussing sexuality because teens are sexually imbalanced and sex interested. There's a LOT of talk to be had there and shade to be delivered.

As an asexual who's dabled in, and has friends, who make and sell adult art for adults, I just don't see this problem[i.e. aging up minor characters into adults] as an inherent red flag.

Many honest nonpredatory people have adultified versions of their childhood crushes. There is a porno version of Alice in Wonderland where Alice was a sexually adventurous twenty-something getting down with other adults in furrsuits and singing. No really. Me in my new fangled respect for the og novel can be all "GAWD why do we have to make this sexy?" all I want -AND YET-- I'm also glad they made the porno version of the story for adults ABOUT adults. Good job. I'm sure lots of people looking for that thing loved it. Let cringe adults be cringe adults, damnit.

Sexuality and sexual preference (not orientation) IS messy and complicated even if you do all this by yourself and without a partner.

~End of part 1.

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godoflobsters · 3 years ago

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The Brothers and Dateables With a Tattoo Artist MC

My own MC was a tattoo artist before she came to the Devildom, so I thought I’d write up some head cannons with a tattoo artist MC.

MC is gender neutral!

Mammon

Nobody can convince me that the “Brothers Under a Pact” squad wouldn't be the first ones to get tattoos from MC, and Mammon would definitely be the first

Definitely likes to brag about it too

Don't remind him that there are countless people in the human realm that you tattooed before him or he will pout

People tend to think that Mammon is cheap and would try to talk you into giving him free or cheap tattoos, but he couldn't stand to be like that towards you especially regarding something that you’re so good at

Our first man works his butt off every time he wants to get some new ink from you

Likes to give you a big ole tip every time

Gets fidgety when he has to sit still for too long so you two have to take breaks often

Prefers small/medium sized tattoos rather than really big ones

One time after he started getting tattoos from you, he was at a modeling gig and they tried to make him cover them up with makeup, he quit and that magazine went bankrupt not too long after...dont fuck with the avatar of greed

Once your shop starts taking off in the Devildom, he and Asmo try to convince you to do a shoot for Majolish(They definitely didn't pull some strings to get Majolish to do a whole segment about you and your business)

Beelzebub

The second brother to get a tattoo from MC

Refuses to get any food related tattoos: he doesn't want to accidentally take a chunk out of himself when he gets blinded by his hunger

This man has a very high pain tolerance and sits like a rock while you're tattooing him and you love him for it

He definitely needs snack breaks during longer sessions though

Has a memorial tattoo for Lillith over his heart that matches with one on Belphie

While making this list I was randomly blessed with the mental image of Beel with abuncha old school American traditional tattoos and you can pry that headcannon from my cold, dead hands

Mammon likes to brag that he has the most tattoos from you, but Beel might give him a run for his money, he doesn't mind Mammon’s bragging most of the time though, so he just lets him believe whatever he wants this time

Simeon

But Simeon has never been all that great at following the rules that they set for him

The first of the dateables to get a tattoo

He wasn't actually planning on getting a tattoo at first, but one day he overheard Luke trying to scold you for all of your tattoos(definitely before the incident with Beel and Lucifer in the underground tomb) and that was the only push he needed to jump on the “tattoos from MC” train

There is a lot of rhetoric in the Celestial Realm about how “Your body is a temple and you should not mark it”

He’s still not willing to stray too far from his roots though, so he’d probably get something with vaguely religious undertones

Absolutely delights in the shocked look on your face and the sheepish questions on whether angels are allowed to do this

Once he’s finally convinced you that you're not damning him to fall by tattooing him, the process goes by very easily

He is very easygoing and open regarding designs and he handles the pain very well

He absolutely loves to show his tattoo off, even when he goes home to the Celestial Realm and receives his reprimands from Michael

Leviathan

The third brother to get a tattoo from MC

Didn't want to get a tattoo at first, all of that physical contact and pain on top of it? No way

But then Mammon, Beel, and even Simeon all got one and he got jealous

You're HIS Henry, why are THEY the ones who get to wear your art? He might’ve been able to deal with his dumb brothers, but SIMEON TOO?

You gotta sit down with him and have a nice long chat about it, making sure this is something that he would actually want to do and not just his envy talking

Spoiler alert: It was definitely just his envy talking

He realises that he is actually oddly attached to the idea of getting a tattoo from you now though, so he comes up with designs and draws them on himself until he is certain that he won't regret it

Would get something tiny and probably gaming related

Definitely very squeamish about the pain aspect but the design that the two of you came up with is very simple and small, so he is able to make it through without fainting

He absolutely loves his new tattoo...but he is never doing that again

Belphegor

Fourth brother to get a tattoo

Has wanted to get one ever since Beel showed him the tattoo he got in memory of Lillith, but things were very...not good...between the two of you at that point

Finally worked up the courage to at least ask if you would be okay with it after the two of you made a pact

Beel, forgetting his super high pain tolerance, told him that it getting a tattoo doesn't hurt at all, so he was in for a big surprise when he went under the needle for the first time

Whiny at first, but he manages to stay very still for you

Has a memorial tattoo for Lilith over his heart that matches with one on Beel

Will definitely start to doze off during long sessions

Convinced Satan to get a matching Anti Lucifer League tattoo with him(definitely doesn't try to convince you to get one too)

Make sure that he does not, under any circumstances, actually fall asleep while you're tattooing him. He did once and he rolled over in his sleep, almost ruining an entire tattoo

Ever since that time, Beel has come with him to his sessions so you could focus on your work and he can focus on keeping Belphie awake

Satan

Gets his tattoo not long after Belphie

One of those people that think every tattoo needs to mean something so he takes forever trying to pick out something that he wants

Would probably get some sort of quote or design inspired by his favorite book, something that really resonated with who he is as a person

Was somehow convinced by Belphie to get an Anti Lucifer League tattoo

Does he regret it whenever he realizes that he now has a portion of his skin dedicated to Lucifer of all people? Possibly, but he definitely won't say anything about it to you

Loves to look at you and just admire your tattoos, asking the stories behind each and every one of them that he can see

He might be a bigger fan of literature than the fine arts, but that doesn't mean that he has any less of an appreciation for your work

Definitely pulls some strings and gets one of his friends who owns an art gallery to display some of your work there

Can set you up with all the connections that you need to make your mark on the Devildom art world

Lucifer

The last of the brothers to get a tattoo

In the beginning he has no intentions of getting a tattoo, he does have alot of respect for your talents and how hard you work for them though

As an art lover and artist himself, he will most certainly commission you from time to time and hang your work in his study

He won't admit it, but seeing your art and thinking of you when he's stressed with work is very soothing

He eventually decides to let you tattoo him only if it’s in a place that is easily covered by his clothes, considering how he dresses that leaves you with pretty much his entire body to work with

Sometimes when he has some time off he will grab a sketchbook and join you if he finds you in the common room working on a design, you share a comfortable silence, with the only sounds be the crackling of the fireplace and the scratching of pencils on paper

The kind of person that wants a tattoo but has no idea what he actually wants, but hes picky as fuck so he will turn down every single idea that you give him for weeks

He is lucky that you love him

Whenever you two talk about placements, if you mention anything on his back to cover up the scars from his wings he will almost back out entirely

Almost

Afew months later he’ll put his pride aside come back, admitting that your ideas would be perfect and that he wants to go through with it

During the session he has way too much pride to admit that he was feeling any pain

That is until you have to start going over the scars

As soon as the needles hit scar tissue he starts to fall apart; tears, shaking, the whole nine yards

It takes you quite a few sessions to finish since he cant handle such long sessions on that portion of his back

The summer after his new back piece is finished, he goes with you and his brothers back to Diavolo’s beach, this time he takes his shirt off in front of everyone for the first time since the fall

He wears your art with such pride that he lets everyone keep the memory, he even lets Asmo keep the pictures he took of all of them up on Devilgram

Diavolo

Wanted to be the first to get a tattoo but Barbatos said no

If you want to continue your career in the Devildom for the duration of your stay, he will buy you a building to work from and any supplies to get started since you had to leave your stuff in the human realm

Diavolo has rooms in the castle filled with the art that he's collected over the years, so when he sees that you're an artist he gets so excited

Before he finally gets tattooed by you, he buys a lot of your artwork and hangs it up around the castle

It takes a few years to propose the idea again to Barbatos in a way that wont make the butler’s hair fall out from stress, but he finally relented under one condition: it has to be in an area that is still hidden while he’s in his demon form

He decides that his legs would be the perfect place to indulge in your artistic talents while also keeping Barbatos’s controlling side at bay

Hes another one that knows he wants a tattoo but no clue what he wants to get

Unlike Lucifer though, he is a true open canvas

He truly adores your art so he wholeheartedly trusts you with his body and knows that he will love anything that you do for him

He knows that this is most likely very nerve wracking for you considering his position so he tries to reassure you and make the process very easy for you

You still put everything into designing him something fit for a king

He’s the type to prefer large pieces that span over entire sections of his body rather than abuncha small/medium sized ones

Another fidgetter, he’s really not all that accustomed to pain so he doesn't have a high tolerance for it

Likes to treat you to dinner at Ristorante Six after each of his sessions

Tips like the absolute king he is, you could probably pay a couple months of rent back at your apartment in the Human Realm just from his tip

Once his tattoo is finally finished and healed, he will find every excuse that he can think of to invite you and the brothers on outings to places where he is free from scrutiny to wear shorts and show off your artwork

Barbatos

The last of all of the boys to get a tattoo

It was a complete shock to everyone when he came to you and asked if he could make an appointment to get tattooed by you

“Everyone” being you, Diavolo, and Lucifer because nobody else knows that it happened and he would like to keep it that way

Another member of the “I’ll get one as long as it’s somewhere nobody will see” club...so basically not his face

Before the two of you get to talking about designs, you expect him to go with something small and simple, maybe an elegant little teapot or something along those lines

Then this man comes to his consultation and throws you for a loop talking about a sleeve

Very picky, he has high standards for himself and what's on his body

Knows exactly what he wants but does his best not to stifle your creativity during the design process

You learn ALOT about just who lurks behind Barbatos’s mild-mannered butler facade during his sessions, he’s surprisingly upfront and honest whenever you have him under the needle

Solomon

Can't get a tattoo

This man has pact marks for 72 demons all over his body, there is simply no more room

Any open space he has is being saved just in case any other demons *cough* Lucifer *cough* ever decide to come around to making a pact

Collects your flash and hangs it up around his room

If you take Diavolo up on his offer to set up a shop in the Devildom, he will make sure to tell all of his pact-mates about you, hype up your work, and get you a lot of business in the door

Sometimes he will commission art from you and use magic to make your art temporarily appear on his skin over the pact marks

Once you become a sorcerer and have a better grasp on your magic, he helps you experiment in creating magical inks and enchanting tattoos

Asmodeus

The only one that actually doesn't want to get a tattoo

He doesnt think that tattoos would fit in very well to the image that he has for himself

And not being able to show off every inch of his beautiful skin while its healing is a no from him

Since he likes to test out his new makeup and skincare products on you, sometimes after he has had his way with your face he will let you draw on him with skin safe markers

would definitely be a wimp about the pain

Will spam pictures to his Devilgram of his fancy new temporary tattoos and you drawing on him

Will definitely try to bring you some of his flings to get his name tattooed on them, you will have to reprimand him every single time and eventually he will stop

If you're not the type to keep up with social media, he’ll offer to keep up a Devilgram account for your shop

If you're ever attempting to draw and you have a very specific pose in your head that you can't find a reference for, he will not hesitate to get up and start posing for you

Luke

He is baby and cant have any tattoos until he's older

His mind frequently bounces back and forth between the whole “your body is a temple” rhetoric that he was taught growing up and “wow that's so cool!”

After Simeon got his tattoo Luke became a lot more enthusiastic and curious about your job though

Will occasionally ask if he can have one of your flash sheets so he can color your pictures

These very often end up on the fridge in Purgatory Hall

Sometimes they even make their way to the fridge in the House of Lamentation too

Will this make the brothers jealous? Yes. Do you care? No.

Luke loves you and looks up to you so much that he goes through a little phase of wanting to copy you, yourself and the entirety of Purgatory Hall can expect loads of temporary marker tattoos

#obey me #obey me! shall we date?#obey me headcanons #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me diavolo #obey me barbatos #obey me simeon #obey me luke #obey me solomon #I tried very hard to not show my blatant favoritism #mission failed #for the most part I didn't actually describe any tattoos so people can have their own interpretations #but if anybody is interested i have ideas on what everybody's would look like

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tillidontneedfantasy · 4 years ago

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A Track-by-Track Breakdown of Taylor Swift’s 9th Studio Album: ‘evermore’

“My collaborators and I are proud to announce that my 9th studio album and folklore’s sister record is here. It’s called evermore,” is how Taylor Swift introduces us to this album in its foreword. One might assume a “sister record” would entail b-sides, or tracks that didn’t quite make the cut for folklore, despite Taylor’s explanation that “we just couldn’t stop writing songs.” evermore’s release came at a strange time, upon the heels of the Folklore: Long Pond Studio Sessions film on Disney+, as well as 5 Grammy nominations for folklore. The world still captivated by folklore, it’s understandable why one might not consume evermore as critically. Even as a die-hard fan, I felt some whiplash by this announcement; I am still processing folklore! Hell, I’m still processing reputation!

If this was the Taylor from two years ago, this may have been a big enough fear of hers to hold off on releasing evermore. But as she explained upon folklore’s surprise release, life is too unpredictable now, and there are zero givens or guarantees. So she followed the same path this time (although making sure it fell in line with her birthday weekend). But it’s not just the strategic timing of the release that she’s thrown out the window for now, but also her mindset whilst making records. As she explains in the evermore album foreword,

“I’ve never done this before. In the past I’ve always treated albums as one-off eras and moved onto planning the next one as soon as an album was released. There was something different with folklore. In making it, I felt less like I was departing and more like I was returning. I loved the escapism I found in these imaginary/not imaginary tales. I loved the ways you welcomed the dreamscapes and tragedies and epic tales of love lost and found. So I just kept writing them.”

This is a revelation for Swift, to let the music lead her into artistic freedom, which is what makes evermore such a triumphant return. Truly folklore’s sister record, Taylor wrote evermore with the same creative team: Aaron Dessner of The National (Swift’s favorite band), long-time pal and collaborator Jack Antonoff, Justin Vernon of Bon Iver, and William Bowery aka Swift’s boyfriend, Joe Alwyn (as officially revealed in the Long Pond Studio Sessions). Additionally, former 1989 tour openers and close friends of Taylor, the HAIM sisters, join the crew, along with Marcus Mumford for some dreamy backup vocals.

The production is just as wistful and mesmerizing as it was on folklore, yet the storytelling on evermore is kicked up a notch, expanding on the topics and worldbuilding established in its sister record, with even sharper lyrics and an effective and elaborate use of alliteration. The best thing about Taylor is that no matter what she does, her masterful lyricism is always at the heart of her art, and somehow, she keeps getting better. Once again, I wanted to explore the rich stories she’s crafted in this woodsy universe. This is how I’ve interpreted the album, but I hope you find your own meaning in the songs as well.

1. willow It is fitting that the opening track to folklore’s sister album, where we wade further into the forest that is Taylor Swift’s imagination and storytelling, would center on the type of tree that is a symbol of hope, belonging, safety, stability, and healing. “willow,” one of the few more obviously autobiographical tracks on the album, is a hymn of gratitude for her man (as she wants you to know, yes, thirteen times), Joe Alwyn, and how the invisible string tethering them together pulled her to him in a time when everyone else was counting her out. Though not as present on many of the other songs later to come on this record, you can feel the lightness in her heart on this song as she embraces the way in which the willow has bent, wrecking her plans, throwing her into the water and leaving her happily lost and afloat in his current. The downward key modulation throughout the last two repetitions of the chorus is beautiful and very fitting for Swift vocally, but also sounds like the feeling of finding your comfort and settling into it, basking it in while you wait for the next place the wind pulls you. Best lyric: “Now this is an open/shut case / I guess I should’ve known from the look on your face / Every bait and switch was a work of art.”

2. champagne problems On the second track of the album, Taylor dives back into the fictional worldbuilding she began to explore on folklore. While on folklore high school relationships and dramatics took center-stage, evermore graduates from adolescence to young adulthood, not that it is any easier emotionally on the listener’s heart. “champagne problems” chronicles a rejected marriage proposal between two college sweethearts at their old dorm building. Taylor sings as the narrator, a reflective, self-deprecating young woman who jokes about belonging in a madhouse and dismisses all her turmoil as champagne problems. The term ‘champagne problems’ itself could have various meanings here: their trivial concerns, the fact that their “sister splashed out on the bottle” of champagne that they will not be using to celebrate as they had hoped, or perhaps it could even hint that excessive drinking is a piece of all the ways the narrator is “fucked in the head,” as they said. Although the person she is singing to is the one who got hurt in the story, the hurt in the narrator’s heart is just as palpable and relatable, because you only have yourself to blame when you self-destruct. Best lyric: “’She would’ve made such a lovely bride, / what a shame she’s fucked in the head,’ they said / but you’ll find the real thing instead / she’ll patch up your tapestry that I shred.”

3. gold rush On her YouTube live chat prior to the album’s release, Taylor explained that this song “takes place inside a single daydream where you get lost in thought for a minute and then snap out of it.” The daydream consists of a love story so pure that the town had never seen such a thing; it could only happen in a fantasy for the narrator. How could she possibly have the gall to call them out on their contrarian shit, or end up with her Eagles t-shirt hanging from their door, when they are so coveted by all, and when she cannot withstand the thought of even competing? She sings, “My mind turns your life into folklore / I can’t dare to dream about you anymore,” a sweet little connecting piece to this album’s older sister, effectively convincing herself out of the idea of jumping into the chaos of the gold rush because even inside her own imagination it’s too dangerous. Best lyric: “I don’t like that falling feels like flying ‘till the bone crush.”

4. ‘tis the damn season According to Aaron Dessner, Taylor had written the lyrics for “’tis the damn season” in the middle of the night amidst their Folklore: The Long Pond Studio Sessions recording after a long night of chatting and drinking with their co-conspirator, Jack Antonoff. The lyrics perfectly encapsulate the guttural ache the track evokes. It is a tale of two people who always find their way back to one another in their hometown, which acts as the ever-returning fork in the road. The path taken, back to L.A. in pursuit of her dreams, is the one she chose and continues to choose, but whenever she returns home, she takes a ride down the road not taken, just to get a taste of what could have been, even if just for the weekend. What starts off as an icy homecoming always transforms into the warmest intimacy. The success of this track is aligned with the success of Taylor’s entire career; even with such specific details, it feels so deeply personal to the listener. You know the street you’d drive along late at night laughing, the spot you’d park the car, the person who stars in every what-if. You will never really know if the road not taken is as good as it seems, but that might be ok; sometimes, the fantasy is better than the reality, anyway. Best lyric: “It’s the kind of cold / fogs up windshield glass, but I felt it when I passed you / There’s an ache in you / put there by the ache in me.”

5. tolerate it Inspired by the novel Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier, “tolerate it” is an agonizing track from the perspective of a devoted wife who polishes plates and paints portraits and waits by the door for her husband with a battle hero’s welcome, who at best tolerates all her adoration. There are few things as painful as idolization being met with indifference, when you have all this love to give to someone who just leaves it there untouched. “tolerate it” captures that desperation for the approval you know will never arrive, but you sit and watch, waiting for it just in case you’re wrong, but you know you’re not. Best lyric: “I made you my temple, my mural, my sky / now I’m begging for footnotes in the story of your life / drawing hearts in the byline”

6. no body, no crime feat. HAIM “no body, no crime,” the one evermore song solo-written by Taylor, has the clearest plot from beginning to end. In the same vein as the female powerhouse country classic “Goodbye Earl” by The Chicks, Taylor is out for blood to avenge her friend, Este (named for one of the HAIM sisters). The story goes as such: Este’s husband kills her for calling him out on his infidelity, and then Taylor kills the husband and frames his mistress. The HAIM girls, who are long-time friends of Taylor’s and former touring mates, lend their vocals to reinforce the accusation on the husband and to provide Taylor’s alibi. “no body, no crime” is so far the closest we’ve gotten to a return to “country Taylor,” proving that she is still the master of a killer country tune (yes, pun intended, it had to be done I’m sorry). Best lyric: “Good thing Este’s sister’s gonna swear she was with me / (she was with me, dude) / Good thing his mistress took out a big life insurance policy”

7. happiness Written a week before the album’s release, “happiness” is one of Swift’s strongest and most reflective breakup songs. Although she writes it as though it is recent, there’s a lot of power in knowing that she’s been happily in love for four years, and that she is even better now at doing the thing that has always been best at. She is finally “above the trees,” as she sings, and is able to see it all for what it is, but her character is still in the heat of it all, trying to navigate the stages of grief when a relationship ends. We see the narrator grapple with many of those stages throughout the song. Most striking is the anger displayed in the second verse when she sings: “I hope she’ll be a beautiful fool who takes my spot next to you / No, I didn’t mean that, / sorry, I can’t see facts through all of my fury.” That section is jarring and feels like one of the most honest moments in a Taylor song, the insanely difficult emotional balancing act when we are grieving a relationship. The devastation of loss can distort our perception, and a part of that is the difficulty of understanding how multiple seemingly opposing things can co-exist in our hearts, such as happiness because of someone and happiness after them. But when you leave it all behind and finally find your place above the trees, you can find happiness after someone and also look back and appreciate the happiness they once provided. Both of these things can be true. Best lyric: “Showed you all of my hiding spots / I was dancing when the music stopped.”

8. dorothea Taylor Swift has the uncanny ability to create such developed and well-rounded characters with such little information, which is what makes her storytelling so compelling. In “dorothea,” we learn much about the title character through the narrator’s eyes, and the relationship they once had. The lyric “skipping the prom just to piss off your mom and her pageant schemes” alone tells an entire story in itself. “dorothea” is also the companion song to “’tis the damn season,” just from the other person’s perspective, which helps shine even more light on the story. The narrator of “dorothea” reveres her but wonders if she’s still the same soul in L.A. as she was back in their never-changing town. Whatever the answer, they’re still willing to support her no matter where she is, but she’s always welcome back in Tupelo by her hometown love’s side if she ever just wants to be herself rather than someone known for who they know. Besides, they’re the only soul who can tell which smiles she’s faking. And you can always return to the road not taken. Best lyric: “They all wanna be ya / but are you still the same soul I met under the bleachers? / Well, I guess I’ll never know / and you’ll go on with the show.”

9. coney island feat. The National What really started the folklore / evermore journey was Taylor’s love for The National. Taylor has cited them as one of her favorite bands for many years, and as we know, this led to her beautiful new collaborative relationship with Aaron Dessner. So it would make sense for the track written with the intention of this duet to be so well executed; you can feel the love and care Taylor put into writing this song. In her press for these sister albums, she has spoken about trying to channel frontman Matt Berninger’s writing style. But what actually happened was she just produced her own signature lyricism at its sharpest. “We were like the mall before the internet, it was the one place to be / the mischief, the gift-wrapped suburban dreams / sorry for not winning you an arcade ring over and over,” is a hall of famer Swift-ian lyric. “coney island” explores the confusion, hurt, and self-reflection when a passionate affair burns out fast because you did not prioritize that person. And to top it off, Swift and Berninger’s harmonies are achingly beautiful, transporting you right there in the story, on the bench, wondering, over and over. Best lyric: “Do you miss the rogue who coaxed you into paradise and left you there? / Will you forgive my soul when you’re too wise to trust me and too old to care?”

10. ivy Leave it to Taylor Swift to make a song about an affair sound so romantic, and so sympathetic to the narrator, that you’re rooting for adultery. “ivy” tells the tale of a woman in a lifeless marriage, likening her home with him to the tombstone that the widow in town visits each day. I like to think this is the same wife whose husband was out there building other worlds without her in “tolerate it,” because then that means she found someone who celebrates her love, who holds her pain for her, who blooms all over her; they started it, but she’s fighting for it all the way to the end, nonetheless. “ivy” showcases Swift’s gorgeous vocals and her sharp lyrics, with a melody so infectious it is bound to permanently plant its roots in your dreamland. Best lyric: “Oh, I can’t stop you putting roots in my dreamland / my house of stone, your ivy grows, and now I’m covered in you.”

11. cowboy like me With the beautifully blended backing vocals of Marcus Mumford, “cowboy like me” is an entrancing love story of two con artists who lost at their own game and got conned into forever with each other. She’d gone from swindling old men for their money and fancy cars to falling victim to the danger of dancing with someone who only has eyes full of stars, and she knows she’ll pay for it. “cowboy like me” is one of the most romantic tracks on the record, proving that life never plays out quite as we plan. Best lyric: “Now you hang from my lips like the gardens of Babylon / with your boots beneath my bed / Forever is the sweetest con.”

12. long story short One of the more pop-sounding tracks on evermore, “long story short” is pretty much a summary of the long story behind reputation (2017). The song is filled with various metaphors for her reputation crumbling around her, and then finally putting her defenses down to be with her lover, someone as “rare as the glimmer of a comet in the sky.” It is a sweet ode to her boyfriend, and a gentle comfort to her past self that it will all work out. But it is also an oddly relatable example of how we shrug off our struggles and minimize them to just a “bad time,” when the time she is singing about was obviously something that deeply affected her (as will be further explored in the title track); but sometimes it actually feels good to just shrug it off as just a blip in your life, because at the end of the day, you survived, and that’s what counts- even if you’re not keeping score anymore. Best lyric: “Pushed from the precipice / clung to the nearest lips / long story short, it was the wrong guy. / Now I’m all about you.”

13. marjorie Whereas track 13 on folklore was a tribute to Swift’s paternal grandfather, evermore’s track 13 is a tribute to her maternal grandmother, Marjorie Finlay, who was an opera singer in the 50s, and passed away in 2003 when Taylor was 13 years old. “marjorie” is quite possibly the most touching track Taylor has ever written thus far in her career. Grief is one of the most difficult topics to tackle in a song; the genius of “marjorie” is that it is simple, yet not understated. Swift reflects on the profound lessons she learned from her grandmother, about the difficult balances of kindness and cleverness, and politeness and power. She curses herself for not cherishing the moments she had with her, for complaining rather than understanding in the moment how admirable her spirit was, for all the amber skies she’d love but will never see. The chorus, blunt and hard-hitting, reminds us that someone does not have to be living to be alive, to be all around, to be with us. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were singing to me now,” Taylor sings towards the end of the song, right before you hear a sample of Finlay’s opera singing in the background, a truly eye-swelling moment. It is clear that Finlay played a pivotal role in Swift’s own ambitions, as she sings, “all your closets of backlogged dreams, and how you left them all to me.” Marjorie knew she was leaving them in good hands. If you haven’t yet, check out the moving lyric video for the song, where you can see photos and video clips of Marjorie, both throughout her career and in her time with Taylor. Best lyric: “Never be so polite you forget your power, / never wield such power you forget to be polite.”

14. closure On the most experimental track musically on the record, Taylor writes off her need for closure from a relationship of some sort, whether it be romantic or platonic or business, all of which can cause hurt of equal intensity. The subject of the song is trying to make nice with Taylor, and she is just not having it, as it is not coming from a genuine place, but rather to ensure that their life remains picture perfect, or to clear their guilty conscience, or to preserve their own ego. This is a deeply relatable sentiment; as valuable as forgiveness can be, sometimes the person who hurt you just doesn’t deserve it, and all you can do is forgive yourself for blocking their number or shredding their letters. Best lyric: “I know I’m just a wrinkle in your new life / staying friends would iron it out so nice.”

15. evermore feat. Bon Iver To close out the standard edition of the album, Taylor joins forces once again with Justin Vernon of Bon Iver, with whom she collaborated on the Grammy-nominated duet, “exile” for folklore. However, Swift leads most of the track this time, lamenting the difficult time she went through in 2016. The piano and Swift’s vocals are haunting, particularly when she describes this time in her life as “catching my death,” consumed by a pain that she feels will never end. If you’ve ever been depressed, you know what that feels like, and the dark places it leads you. Although she is singing about a time four years prior, it sounds so present, and it is heartbreaking to hear her in such a state. When Bon Iver comes in, the tempo of the song picks up, the piano riff becomes more erratic, like a winter storm hitting you in the face, and he voices all the anxieties of the cost of such a downfall. But through those anxieties, Taylor finds not a cure, but an anchor in love, and then the tempo slows back down. By the end of the song, Taylor has the foresight to understand that although it may not feel like it now, the pain she is experiencing is not permanent (a sentiment my therapist has been trying to instill in me for years). In her Apple Music interview with Zane Lowe, Taylor explained how the lyrics parallel the times we are in currently, and so it feels really special to have the album end with someone who knows how it feels to be imprisoned by your pain gently comfort us with the wisdom that “this pain wouldn’t be for evermore.” I hope one day soon, as we leave 2020 far behind, we can all truly believe her. Best lyric: “I was catching my breath / barefoot in the wildest winter catching my death.”

16. right where you left me (bonus track) The first bonus track on evermore, “right where you left me,” captures a moment so earth-crushing, a piece of you is trapped in it forever. In this song specifically, the narrator finds herself stuck in the same corner of a restaurant where she was told by someone she loved that they had met someone else. “Glass shattered on the white cloth, everybody moved on,” she sings in mourning. We have all experienced those moments that we could teleport back to if we just closed our eyes; the scenery, what you wore, the smell and taste of the season, the very point in your body where it felt like your insides were collapsing. Or that one particular person, who is long-gone from your life but seeing them is like time-travelling back to that person you once were, ready to pick up where you left off. But as much as you want to stay in that moment forever, just in case it changes in your favor, the cold reality is that the world stops for no one. Best lyric: “If our love died young, I can’t bear witness / And it’s been so long, but if you ever think you got it wrong / I’m right where you left me.”

17. it’s time to go (bonus track) “right where you left me” was Taylor’s cry for help to get out of restaurant, and “it’s time to go” is the answer to the call, as she sings in the first line, “when the dinner gets cold, and the chatter gets old / you ask for the tab.” This song is about gathering the strength to leave situations and relationships behind that no longer serve you. She grieves the betrayal of someone she thought to be a twin from her dreams (almost definitely referring to former friend, Karlie Kloss), acknowledges that keeping a marriage together for the sake of the kids often actually has the opposite intended effect (possibly- but not certainly- something she and her brother experienced), and recounts attempting to bargain with someone consumed by greed, only able to leave with herself (absolutely referring to the end of her fifteen-year long business relationship with Scott Borchetta, her former record-label owner). But as painful as leaving all of those situations was, Taylor has gained the wisdom to understand that walking away sometimes takes as much strength as persevering. You can’t stay at the restaurant, or at the mercy of someone else forever; you have to forge your own path, even if it’s in the opposite direction of what you envisioned for so long. And even with all her past success behind her, as folklore and evermore have proved, there is so much more ahead of her. Best lyric: “That old familiar body ache, the snaps from the same little breaks in your soul / You know when it’s time to go.”

In a time where we are all trapped in our homes and in our heads, the folklore/evermore experience has been the sweetest escape. If anything, the creation of these wonderful sister records has taught me that our most powerful tool in times of distress is our own imagination. Even just the ability to close my eyes while listening to one of these tracks and feel the character’s story is a gift. The way I’ve always been able to pick up Harry Potter and escape to Hogwarts when I’ve felt alone and friendless, I can listen to folklore and evermore when I feel scared or hopeless and escape into this enchanted forest Taylor has built, where I can climb above the trees and see it all for what it is. I feel so lucky to watch Taylor’s imaginative world unravel around me. I can’t wait to see what she creates next.

DISCLAIMER – REVIEWER’S BIAS: I would literally die for this bitch.

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braindeadmaggot · 2 years ago

Note

For the SFW ship ask thingy: Chopper x Bepo

SFW version (get the template here)

1. Who is the grumpiest in the morning?

BEPO - well, technically neither but Bepo can get pretty cranky when he wakes up sweaty 🥵 Chopper is the same but because of his smaller stature, he doesn't get overheated like Bepo.

2. Who worries more when the other is sick/hurt?

CHOPPER - Absolutely Chopper. 10,000% everyday. You have an itch in your throat? He's got the lozenges. Got some stiffness in your shoulder? He's there with the menthol balm to massage it away. Feeling a bit dizzy and lightheaded? He's got a bowl of mixed nuts and dry fruit for you to bring up your blood sugar. If that doesn't work he'll perform the Semont Maneuver on you to reset the crystals in your ears (< I do this often for my mom because she has chronic vertigo)

3. Who plays pranks on the other?

BEPO - it's not very often but on the days they're both feeling playful and they're just goofing off, Bepo will hide behind doors and around corners and jump scare Chopper. Chopper tries to do it back but it ends up being soooooo cute, Bepo can't help but snuggle him to death. Sometimes Chopper will try out one of Usopp's pranks on Bepo but it's usually a failure but Bepo pretends like it worked because c'mon.

4. Who is always the first to suggest cuddling on the sofa?

CHOPPER - whether it's "watch this show with me" or "let's play video games" or "we had so much fun playing in the snow, let's enjoy our hot cocoa on the sofa together" Chopper is always DTS (Down TO Snug) 🤗

5. Who insists on creating nicknames for the other?

NEITHER - They just use their names but they will call each other usually dude, bro, and man, but they also say buddy, guy, friend and pal just as often (think the Canadians in South Park since they're both Canadian ya know 🤣 unless Oda-sensei reveals Bepo to be Russian in our world, then he'll call Chopper his comrade)

6. Who says ‘I love you’ first?

CHOPPER - He says this on December 25th because Bepo is the only one to give him both birthday AND Christmas gifts and all of them were really cool and amazing and exactly what he needed. Bepo is very thoughtful and Chopper was so moved that he just blurted it out. Bepo was flabbergasted at first because it was in front of all their friends too and he couldn't help but say it back due to the pressure. The perfect bro-mance 🤝

7. Who’s the messiest one?

BEPO - Chopper's medical background forces him to be super tidy and sterile. He puts everything back where it belongs in its special place and cleans up after himself right away. Bepo on the other hand is an artist and while he is organized with his supplies, he creates a huge mess while he works and usually lets crap lie around for a few days before actually picking it up (Captain Procrastinate)

8. Who feels the most uncomfortable about PDA?

BEPO - Bepo is very bashful and when he sees Chopper being cute he can't help but blush his face off 😳 So when Chopper gives him treats, thanks him wholeheartedly and (especially) says 'I love you', he panics and becomes an utter mess. He's completely smitten and his friends never let him live it down.

9. Who’s the funniest drunk?

CHOPPER - VERY low tolerance. Even though he eats a full fat, high protein, heavy carb meal before drinking, it still absorbs into his blood way too quickly and he's already scream singing karaoke and dancing with his shirt off 🕺 before he's finished his first beer ()

10. Who texts the most?

CHOPPER - MEMES. All the memes. And TikTok. Any medical pun he can find, he sends to Bepo. But sometimes he's a little too helpful and essentially MANSPLAINS every joke until it's not funny anymore but while most of Chopper's friends silently hate that (they're in a group chat, he's basically Boyle from B99) Bepo appreciates it because then he doesn't have to web search it.

11. Who has the most embarrassing taste in music?

BOTH - They both listen to dubstep, nightcore, teen pop and country rap 🤠 (except Old Town Road, that's actually really good. But Cotton Eye Joe?? NO!!!) anything that they can dance to and fun to sing at karaoke night (though everyone hates them for it, they're too cute to boo) (btw I like Cotton Eye Joe lol)

12. Who reads the most?

BOTH - Chopper reads more than Bepo but they're both reading and studying to advance their careers. Chopper is a pre-med student working on becoming a family medicine physician (Like Doctor Mike!) and Bepo is an art curator and is always brushing up on his history (lol puns), he specializes in cartography and map restoration. He draws webtoons for fun (they're about ant/arctic animals 🐺⚪🐻🦌🐧)

13. Who’s better with kids?

CHOPPER - as a family medicine physician, he'll need to work with a lot of kids and babies so he gets a lot of practice dealing with kids at his big brother's day care (can you guess who that is?) Kids make Bepo nervous but they like him all the same. They love that he's big and strong and want to climb on him, which makes his even more nervous because he doesn't want to get sued for child endangerment (Bepo also has a big brother, he's a school bus driver 🚌 [can you guess who it is???])

14. Who’s the one that fixes things around the house?

BEPO - he took shop class in high school and learned a lot there, plus he sometimes helps his big bro to do maintenance on the school buses. He's a pretty handy fella.

15. Who cooks and who cleans up?

BOTH - They both cook (they both are bad at it, but it's edible and nutritious) and they both clean up. Chopper likes to get the tidying up finished quickly or he can't relax, so Bepo pitches in without argument. They're both surprisingly really good at making desserts (they both have big sweet teeth 🧁🍧)

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protect-namine · 2 years ago

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what's up, I haven't forgotten this btw. if I never post this fic, just know that this was the plot I had in mind in my chapter one draft:

(they're all adults here btw, because a lot of things happened already by the time the story starts). so. joshua still sees dead people, right. the only problem is that he is definitely not dead. the only problem joshua has is that the composer (whoever he is 🙄) won't let him die no matter how many attempts he makes to enter the UG (because neku understands that if he succeeds, he'll try to become composer himself, and uh. neku has met many composer joshuas from other dimensions. one of them even successfully nuked shibuya! so, no thank you!! the only version he can tolerate is pink.)

so joshua is stuck in the RG against his will, pretending to be friends with shiki and eri and neku (yes, they all know each other in the RG), pretending to be a medium or exorcist or whatever because, well, he can see the dead, and he's bored, and he also runs this anonymous chatroom about strange happenings in shibuya (kinda drrr! style, all the participants in the chat are either players or reapers but no one knows who is who).

(btw, rhyme already survived the reaper's game at this point, and one of the first things joshua did as "medium/exorcist" was help RG!beat communicate with her while she was playing the game.)

(this paragraph isn't really in the chapter draft but it's just background info) the thing about neku though is that he's a relatively young composer but a pretty good one. due to plot reasons he already died too because he was with his best friend in the car crash. then he became composer at the end of the game. and as a reward to himself, he resurrects his best friend. but now neku is like, severely attached to this best friend. and why wouldn't he be when they just played the reaper's game together, trauma-bonded together, and he just resurrected him? he agreed to become god (for plot reasons) so he'll be alive again!! neku basically just wants to make shibuya a better place for his best friend.

fast forward to the present. said best friend (who is the only player who doesn't remember dying and playing the reaper's game, gee neku, special treatment much?) meets this cool artist who owns a cafe. they get this idea to expand their horizons and explore the bigger world out there. so they decide to, you know, leave shibuya and discover the world. dream big! go out there and grow!! and neku, who for plot reasons became the composer for them, is now stuck playing god to this goddamn city and his reason for his whole godhood isn't even in it, like what the fuck man (he's like a weird mix of weeks 2 to 3 neku).

anyway, so neku is not in a great state of mind, and because of that he kinda gives joshua the opportunity to finally slip into the UG. joshua does not know neku is composer or what even his deal is, but through other means he finds out that this is his only opportunity to successfully enter the UG. except when he's about to do it, shiki calls him with her week 1 problems and like, she's really desperate and she didn't know who else to turn to, joshua what should she do? she's so scared, joshua. can you be there for her for a sec?

what does joshua, budding misanthrope who only has this one opportunity to die, do in this situation?

(I am very sorry shiki, but he's going to be your partner in the reaper game, I'm afraid. also, hanekoma is, of course, doing his own thing in the background as always. it complicates things for both joshua and neku.)

anyway, I just think it'd be neat to explore the idea of neku with powers and feeling like he's stuck in that situation; joshua being human and feeling like he's stuck in that situation. both of them learning from each other. joshua finding out that neku is composer and thinking it's hilarious that neku is preventing him from being composer when neku himself doesn't even really, truly care about shibuya beyond what his best friend likes about it. "we're just the same person, aren't we neku?" what a hypocrite.

and also to explore what week 1 joshua and shiki would be like. how, instead of shiki kickstarting this change in neku, she challenges joshua's perception of life and death and friendship, because they're already friends in the RG, why are you being so distant, joshua? joshua grappling with the fact that he murdered his friend and he's stuck with her in this death game. pretending that he really doesn't think the RG is all that and yet why does he want shiki to win this game? why does he want her to live? maybe he just thinks that for her sake, but not for himself. but shiki doesn't believe that.

and also to explore hanekoma babysitting neku now instead of joshua, hanekoma being CAT and the reason that neku's best friend left, and some other things. neku who tried to keep joshua alive and now has to oversee this death game knowing that joshua wants to be composer and that he killed shiki, this person they both knew in the RG.

I just think it's fun to explore how different circumstances would challenge their characters differently, you know. the flipped power dynamics, etc etc.

of course, the fic ends with a climactic gun duel, per usual.

I haven’t visited the TWEWY tag in ages BUT I have a sudden dire need to write a fic where Neku has supernatural powers (and he’s kinda meh about, whatever) while Joshua doesn’t, he’s 100% completely and utterly human and he’s really mad about it because it’s so boring

Idk I honestly thought I’m done writing TWEWY fics tbh so we’ll see if this is just another idea I’ll eventually forget or if this actually goes somewhere this time

#i don't have my twewy writing muse anymore but one day...... one day i WILL write this fic (shakes fist)#it's 2023. when will this idea stop pestering me 😭😭😭#twewy au: role reversal #mine musings #disclaimer: i still haven't finished neo (i know. i know) and it's been a while so uh #i'm just making up my lore now #actually maybe if i finish neo i can get my twewy writing muse back.........#edit: i made the first post two years ago #i really am cursed to always go back to twewy every two years huh (referring to how i only update syllables every... 2+ years..........)#(awful i know. i'm sorry)#another edit: no actually it's almost three years ago now. fuck

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rostovs-lover · 4 years ago

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dalí on tuesday

charlie dalton x reader | cursing, smoking, brief mentions of sexual things, charlie (probably) has daddy issues, cameron | she/her pronouns | fluff | wc.2562

i am in love with charlie, this is now a charlie dalton centric blog, also ignore how terrible the title is please

anon : Hi!! I love your blog! can I request a charlie Dalton x reader fluff where reader is an artist and he visits them while they're painting? (maybe they end up wiping paint on his face?) I don't know, something really sweet at cute <33333

Charlie Dalton had been resigned to relish in small pleasures to keep himself sane at school, never did he think the library would be one of those. More specifically, the painter tucked into the basement of the library.

───☮︎───

Charlie Dalton was a connoisseur of many things. Pretty girls, expensive wine, shitty poetry, and hand rolled cigarettes - to name a few. His imprisonment at Wellington made only one of those things readily available. So he settled - boxes of cheap smokes bought through upperclassmen, bottles of grocery store wine someone would sneak in from a party, and the two girls that occasionally came with Knox. The shitty poetry was always on deck, he had that at least. It was a tragedy to be resigned to such a bland life, there was absolutely no carpe diem-ing happening in a school that held adolescent boys to uniforms.

It was miserable, truly, but Charlie scrapped by on the thought that soon enough there would be no more stuffy Catholic school and he could finally have a taste of freedom. In the meantime, he would have what little fun he could. The meets in the cave were always the highlight of the week. A place where he could talk and people would listen, and not because they had to but because they enjoyed it. They enjoyed his words and thoughts and presence. No one else had ever really seemed to enjoy Charlie’s presence. They could tolerate it, handle it, but they always had more pressing matters. A business meeting to attend, a bill to pay, a dinner to go to. Always something just a little bit more important and never quite enough time for Charlie. But the other Dead Poets, they valued him. He wasn’t just a kid, a college tuition to pay and a life to layout. He was a person, with interests and hobbies.

It had been there, in the safe haven of the cave, that the idea for the library first came up. Meeks had already talked Pitts into coming, Neil didn’t take much convincing at all, Todd was also easy to lure, Cameron groaned about leaving school grounds but refused to be left out, and Knox agreed to go but only if Nuwanda came too. Charlie had already started to cover what there was to do at a library, read?

Meeks dove into the technical manuals and Pitts followed tentatively, cradling their science project in his arms. Todd had followed Neil to the S authors, Cameron was trying to chat up the woman at the register, and God only knew what Knox was doing. He had been stranded with few options. He could find the geniuses and be talked over for the next hour or third wheel Neil but that guaranteed intruding on something he probably shouldn’t. The polite thing to do would be to rescue Cameron from making a complete fool of himself, throwing bad pick up lines at a clearly uninterested college student, but it was amusing to watch.

Charlie settled on trying to find Knox, at least then he could have some company. Said company was absolutely nowhere to be found. The rows of shelves wound in a confusing maze and Charlie was lost before he could even begin to look. Weaving around he did come face-to-face with a rather large picture of Charles Dickens that made him recoil. It was perched just at eye level above a short staircase and it seemed to judge his every movement. Charlie followed the carpeted stairs down to escape Mister Dickens’ strange little beard and beady black eyes.

The further down the steps Charlie descended the brighter it appeared. The lower level was the children’s section. Considerably more fun than science books or Shakespeare. The big oak counter was abandoned but the lights were still on. He was alone, still.

Charlie sighed, sitting down in one of the bright red wooden chairs. He was much too big for it but it held well under his weight. A sad stuffed bear stared dully into him from the green glossy table.

“Well hello,” He mumbled, picking it up under the arms, “And you must be?” He cleared his throat to take on a gruff baritone, “Mister... Bearington,” Charlie sighed, that was bad. He dropped the bear into his lap, “This is so stupid,”

“Bearington?”

Charlie shot around in the chair, tipping himself off center and stumbling to his feet, bear still clutched in his arms, “Where the hell did you come from?”

“A few blocks over, walked here actually.” You turned back to your work. A painting. Not just a painting, Charlie realized, a mural. It stretched the length of the wall, roughly sketched in pencil and waiting to be finished.

He blinked, “That’s good. The wall I mean,”

“Thank you,” Your face flustered and Charlie took notice, “It’s not much of anything yet, just an outline. It’ll look better painted.”

He took a few steps closer, sidling up to you, “What’s it supposed to be?”

“A forest,” You pointed to a rotund blob perched on a long line, “That’s an owl, and there’s going to be a fox somewhere down in the grass,”

Charlie grinned, “That’s an owl?”

“That-” you tapped the blob, “Is a shape, objectively. Subjectively, it’s an owl.”

His brow creased, “Subjectively it’s an owl? That's like saying Mister Bearington is a rabbit, subjectively,”

You stared at him, baffled. It was almost irritating that he could so casually come down to your domain and invade your creative bubble. And it was even worse that he talked to himself as a stuffed bear but now he was challenging your judgment on what was and was not subjectively an owl. But he had a wonderful smile and it lessened the intrusion. Plus, you had never seen a teenage boy develop an attachment to a stuffed bear as quickly as he had, “What’s your name?”

“Nuwanda,” He grinned, setting his chin atop his bear’s plush head.

“Nuwanda?” You blinked at him, “That’s… neat. I’ve never heard that before.”

“What can I say? The only Nuwanda this side of Vermont. What’s your name?”

As you opened your mouth to answer several sets of footsteps thundered down the stairs. Knox spun around the corner first, closely followed by Pitts and Meeks.

“Charlie!” Knox called, “We gotta go before Cameron proposes to the clerk.”

You looked at the boy in front of you, “Is Charlie short for Nuwanda, or just a nickname?”

He shrugged, “I’m Nuwanda, subjectively. It was truly a pleasure meeting you. Can’t wait to see your thing DaVinci!” He set the stuffed bear back on the table as he made his way out of the room. With Charlie’s energy gone it became much quieter and you were plunged back into the impressionistic outline of your artwork.

The next time a library trip was suggested Charlie didn’t completely dread it. Yes, it was still numbingly boring because it was a library and he didn’t have clerks to fall in love with, people to write love letters to, anyone to kiss in the aisles, or a spaceship to build, but he did have his own personal Van Gough to torment.

The lower level was the first place he went, not even hanging his coat on the rack inside the big double doors. He made his way past Cameron’s preoccupied receptionist and under Dickens’ hard glower. Halfway down the steps, the smell hit Charlie. Wet paint.

You had just picked out a brush when he pulled one of the wooden chairs next to your station. He sat in it backwards, holding Mister Bearington out in front of him, “Never got your name Monet,”

“Well, it's not that. Or Da Vinci.” You stroked the brush up the grassy outline.

“Do you want me to guess?”

You had yet to look at him, “Nope,”

“Are you gonna tell me?”

“Should I?”

“Obviously, I told you my name.”

You set the brush down and turned to face him, “(Name).”

“Pretty,”

Charlie Dalton liked many things and the musty old library uptown had never been one of them. It had ancient red carpets and gaudy gold ceilings and it was trying too hard to look regal. So it was a sheer shock when he began to leap at the suggestion of going and even more so when he chose to go by himself one afternoon. Naturally, the other poets followed him, they had to.

Charlie didn’t dally upstairs, waving hi to the clerk and rushing down to the children’s section. A sign was posted outside the entrance warning of wet paint but he stepped around it.

“You’re making progress Picasso!” He set his hands on his hips and took in the wall.

You turned back to look at him, “Did you not see the caution: wet paint, do not enter sign?”

“Oh no I saw it,” He pushed his sunglasses up on top of his head, “It's bright orange, hard to miss, really,”

“So you just chose to ignore it?”

He nodded, making his way over to sit by you on the ground, “I choose to ignore lots of things, it really makes life easier,”

You shook your head, “Are you just going to sit here and bother me?”

“Yes, that's actually the whole reason I came today, believe it or not.”

You blubbered in vague disbelief, “Please tell me you’re not serious,”

“Dead serious,” Charlie grinned, leaning closer, “I had to see how your weird owl was going. And also make sure you hadn’t gone mad and cut your own ear off yet,”

“You’ve already used the Van Gogh joke, Charles,”

“Maybe I want your ear,”

You paused, “You… what?”

Charlie’s confidence cracked, “That was bad. Shit, that wasn’t supposed to sound that way. It was like, a bad pickup line? Because Van Gogh cut his ear off to send to his girlfriend,” He sighed, shaking his head, “Sorry,”

“I mean if I had to pick someone to give my ear too I guess you would be my first choice?”

Charlie looked at you, eyebrows pinched together, “Why?”

You shrugged, “No one else has asked, first come first serve.” You dipped your brush back into the blue paint and went to work on a patch of flowers.

“Huh, well I do appreciate it,” Charlie scooted closer, leaning over your shoulder. He was close, very close. When you took a breath you could smell his cologne and whatever it was he used in his hair and you could feel the edge of his sunglasses brush your ear. He brought an arm around to dip his finger into the soft sky colour on your palette. And then he wiped it on your nose.

You gasped sharply at the foreign feeling, snapping your head to the side to glare at him, “Why?!”

Charlie snickered, leaning back, “The opportunity presented itself, how could I just let that pass?”

You reached back, squirting a touch of purple paint over the palm of your hand, “That was truly a horrible idea,”

Charlie shot up just as you did, stumbling backwards, “I’m sorry-” He stuck his hands up in surrender, “I regret my actions and if I could take them back I would,”

“Hmm, but you can’t” You took a step closer, “Surrender now and it doesn’t have to get any messier than this,”

He pointed towards your paint coated hand, “Do not,”

You grinned, “I might,”

“I’m begging,”

“Fine-” You offered him your other hand, “Truce?”

Charlie mulled it over for a moment, “Fine, truce,” He grabbed your clean hand and you used it to pull him towards you.

“Why on earth would you trust me?” You tugged him even closer as he shrieked and smeared your hand down his cheek, “There, now we’re even,”

Getting distracted by your triumph gave Charlie the upper hand. He pulled you to him the same you had done to him and pressed his cheek flush to yours. The paint was cold against your skin and you jolted back, away from him.

“Vile,” You hissed, “You are vile and evil. That's so cold. You will pay, I hope you know that.”

Charlie snorted, “Oh please, what’re you gonna do?”

“You underestimate me, you ass, I’ll figure something out,”

“Will you?” Charlie grinned, “I will be waiting in anticipation,”

“You better be,”

Meeks elbowed back into Cameron’s ribs, “You’re going to knock me over,”

Cameron craned his neck further to peek around the corner into the children’s section, “I just want to see, let me look,”

“Nothing is happening-” Meeks snipped, “They’re just talking now and I might be able to hear if you could can it!”

Cameron rolled his eyes, “Of course, whatever you say,”

“Will you shut up?” Knox batted at Cameron’s shoulder, “They’ll see us, we’re not super well hidden,”

“If you don’t stop talking they’ll realize we’re here,” Pitts mumbled, rolling his eyes. Cameron started to rebuttal, turning to look at Gerard but the motion knocked Meeks out of place and he gasped, stumbling forwards. This did indeed draw Charlie’s attention.

“Meeks, what the hell?” Charlie snapped. He was in a state, sunglasses askew in his hair, paint smeared from his cheekbone down to the corner of his mouth, and his shirt was wrinkled away from his collarbone.

Meeks stared, “Hi Charlie. Are there any textbooks down here, uh… the science ones?”

Knox groaned, stepping out from behind the wall as well, “We wanted to see why you came here on a Tuesday afternoon by yourself,”

Charlie blubbered, “Did you all come? Is Keating there too?”

“He could be,” Meeks shrugged.

Charlie rolled his eyes, “Will you leave, I’ll be upstairs in a second,” The other poets nodded, scampering up the steps to the first level.

“Assholes, should have known they’d come,” Charlie sighed, adjusting the sunglasses atop his head, “I need to go before they decide to intrude again. I’ll see you soon though, anxiously anticipating payback,”

He was almost out the door when you bucked up the courage to call out to him, “Charlie, wait.” You let him turn back to you before continuing, “Could I have your phone number?”

He clicked his teeth, “Don’t have one, private school. But I’ll find the library number in the books and try to shoot you a call sometime,” He winked and started back up to his friends.

Knox was waiting at the landing with a handful of tissues, which he shoved into Charlie’s hands, “So you’re gonna read your stupid poem about tits at a Dead Poets meet and then not tell us you’ve got a girlfriend?”

Charlie grabbed the tissues, “Not my girlfriend, I meet her like two weeks ago,”

“Didn’t stop Knox,” Neil elbowed him.

Charlie wiped at his face, “Well I’m not Knox. I like her painting, she's good.”

“It looks like she was painting you,” Cameron slapped at Charlie’s chest and he threw the tissues at him in retaliation.

“Shut up, at least my library worker actually talks to me,”

Cameron fumbled with the dirty material, batting it away from his chest, “You dick!”

Charlie grinned, pulling his glasses down and starting towards the door. Something about it was thrilling, having this to himself. A little secret that he and you shared. His personal Salvador Dalí, something to look forwards to besides bad tobacco and Keating’s eccentric lectures. It was bright and exciting and he felt seen. He felt important. The blue paint he had stolen from your tray was still on the tip of his pointer finger and he wondered how long it would be until he could see you again.

( @interwebseriesfan24 )

#dead poets society #charlie dalton #charlie dalton x reader #charlie dalton imagine #dead poets society x reader #dead poets society imagine #its the way this tried to crash my computer #also peep the new format #dedicated to everyone who said theyd read if i posted dps #enjoy!#dps #lennie writes

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ryswritingrecord · 2 years ago

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The Never Ending Pain of Loving a Friend; Chapter 2

You know what it means when someone googles ‘how to not be in love with your best friend’ at 4 am while sleeping next to said best friend? It means that person is very, very desperate. I am very, very desperate.

It's been 2 hours since Elliot went to sleep and all I can seem to do is stare at how absolutely gorgeous he is. From his adorably curly blonde hair, to his long eyelashes, to his tattoos. From his perfect nose, to his red, slightly chapped, plump lips, to his sharp jawline. And that's just the physical beauty of the man. Every time I look at him I see his beautiful eyes looking at me in concern, his lips stretched wide into his breathtaking smile. The feeling of his soft curls between my fingers when I play with his hair.

All I can ever see is his beauty. And all it does is remind me of all my ugly.

From my double chin, to the back and stomach rolls, from my too small eyes and too large nose, to my weirdly shaped fingers. All I can ever see is the imperfections in me. As a bigger girl, there are things that usually ‘make up for it’ in guys' eyes; I.E., big tits and a big ass, but I didn't have any of that. As a member of the IBTC and being classified as having a “long back”, I had no pluses to dating me. And sure, I have things I like about myself. I like my hair and I like my lips, but those are the only physical things about me that I can tolerate. Every other thing I like is in my personality, and even those are things I force myself to like. I like my voice, even though I personally think I sound like a dying donkey. I like my artistic skills, even if every time I see my work all I see are the imperfections. I like how smart I am, even if I feel like I’m just smart enough to not be stupid, but not quite brilliant.

The best way to sum it up is I feel mediocre. I'm an ‘ok’ singer, an ‘ok’ painter, with ‘ok’ intelligence. And that's hard to feel when your whole life your parents have been hyping you up to be the next Einstein, or the next Stephen Hawking. You feel like the world's biggest failure because you got a 80 and not a 98 on your English paper. I was the bright, gifted kid throughout all of elementary school. Almost skipped 2nd, 3rd, and 4th grade because I scored off the charts. My parents decided against it because I needed the social skills that came with those grades because of my autism. That didn't really make sense to me since I was told not to make friends at school because Jehovah has not reached them spiritually. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness. Actually, now that I think about it, I haven't told you a lot. Let's back up shall we?

May 2004. Alice Lee met Daniel Ballard. Daniel was a born and raised Jehovah's Witness. Alice had just started studying. As ridiculous as it sounds, they met in a Yahoo Pool chat room. They realized they both went to the same congregation and started hanging out. Alice already had a son who was 3, named Ian. They started dating and got married in early September of 2004. On August 25th 2005, Alice gave birth to a baby girl and they named her Selene.

Selene was a fairly average baby, and she even had a fairly average early childhood. She was in an early learning program from birth where she tested amazingly high for her age. She was very good with logic puzzles, but did not do well when it came to anything that didn't have a right or wrong answer. She was extremely curious, to the point where she would accidentally put herself in danger. When she was 2, she got into a very bad car accident with her mother where they got t-boned by a tractor trailer. Her mother was really hurt physically, it messed up her neck and back, as well as triggered something called fibromyalgia. For Selene, it affected the growth of the left side of her body. Her left eye sight was worse, she was losing hearing in her left ear, etc. As a Witness, women and girls are to sit still, do what they're told, and be quiet. Selene did not do that. She never quite fit in anywhere she went. At school, she was socially awkward and had no friends. At the Witnesses, she wasn't obedient enough and never fit their standards. At home, she was too much; too much curiosity, too much energy, too loud. She always felt alone.

Selene had a lot of trauma. She never talks about it though. She was thought to possibly be a sociopath by her parents, but that wasn't the case. She instead got diagnosed with BPD, as well as PTSD, C-PTSD, anxiety, depression, ADHD, autism, and a plethora of other ‘illnesses’ she worked through in the years of therapy that started at 5 years old. And that’s just the mental. She also has Fibromyalgia, AMPS, Migraine Disorder, low metabolism, possible thyroid issues, asthma, severe scoliosis and hyperkyphosis, as well as all the damage the car accidents and concussions caused.

I do this all the time. I just started talking to myself in the 3rd person. Is that weird? I feel like I'm giving a presentation in my mind. As I go through this ‘presentation’ of my life, I start to unlock the box. You know, that box that is full of memories or thoughts that could at any moment mentally obliterate you, so you lock them away to be dealt with when you have the ability to be unreachable to anyone and anything for a while. Well the box has started oozing feelings. Feelings of worthlessness, loneliness, feeling like I'm unlovable, feelings of self hatred for letting myself get and stay this overweight, as well as falling in love with your best friend. What the fuck was that about anyway? That’s so fucking cliché to fall in love with your best friend.

As I'm thinking about this I fail to realize 2 things. Number one, the emotions have hit me so hard I'm crying just trying to process them all, and number two, Elliot has woken up.

“Hey, why the fuck are you still awake Selli?” He asks as he rolls towards you and opens his eyes.

“Oh, nothing,” I say as I wipe my tears as inconspicuously as possible. “Just having a hard time sleeping.”

“Oh, ok. Do you feel like talking about why you're crying, or do we just wanna pretend that I didn't see that?”

Shit. Of course he saw, it's Elliot.

“Crying? I think you need to get your eyes checked Elliot, you're imagining things.” I say trying to cover, even though he sees right through it.

“So pretending I didn’t see it, got it.” He says as he smirks at me.

“Ya know what Elliot, fuck you. Go back to sleep so I can ‘not sleep’ in peace.”

“Uh huh. Ok. Only if you go to sleep as well. You've spent the last 4 nights at my house and I know you didn't sleep at all.”

How the fuck does he know that? I know he slept through the night because I was awake all night every night this past weekend.

“If you insist Elliot, but it’s just so I don’t have to hear your annoying ass voice and smell your nasty fucking breath.” I say, trying my best not to yawn with how tired I am.

“I do insist. And I’m going to let those comments go so you’ll actually get some sleep tonight. Goodnight Selene.”

“Goodnight Elliot. Sleep well.” I respond as I roll over

After a few minutes I feel Elliot scooch up behind me and throw his arm over my waist, pressing his face into my neck. It feels so good I can't help but snuggle in closer to him. I feel as he smirks onto my shoulder as I roll my eyes at him. I soon find myself drifting off into a restful sleep in the arms of the only person who's ever there for me.

#elliot euphoria #elliot #plus sized #oc

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