#but can anyone blame a girl for good old procrastination

[itsstrange]

I’ll Be Here

Adam Ruzek x Reader

A/N: Here’s something short for y’all meanwhile I continue to procrastinate with other stories 💗I haven’t posted in a few days due to certain things happening in my life, so I wanted to drop something here for y’all. ✨

Summary: After a tough case everyone is in much need of a few drinks, Reader taking the case a lot more harder, decides to down her sorrows shot after shot, leaving her unstable to get home. Ruzek, being the ever loving gentleman and partner volunteers to take the Reader home. During the process of doing so, Reader accidentally slips her true feelings towards the man.

Word Count: 2.7k

Warnings: Alcohol, highly intoxication, Mentions of Violence, Ruzek being a gentleman, comfort, kissing,

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ENJOY!! ✨

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“‘Nother one,” You mumble, tapping a finger on the rim of the shot glass,

Greg, the bartender, who you learned through a blurry version, gives you an unsure look, but the one you give in return has him pouring your 8th refill of straight vodka. Giving him your best loopy sided smile, you tip your head back as you down the liquor, not even wincing at the bitter taste as it falls down your throat, which should be a sign to stop drinking but after what you saw today you needed it. Needed the blackout. It was the only way for you to fall asleep without the horrifying image playing in your mind all night. So getting drunk till your completely shit faced is a must.

Motioning another refill to the poor man, he forcefully obeys, not wanting to get on your drunk bad side, because from the looks of it he can tel it won’t be fun. Just as you downed the liquor once again a voice settles right next to you.

“Alright you, how bout we call it a day huh?” You snort, turning your eyes to the one man who can tolerate you in any given state,

Literally.

“I told you... I’m gonna get s’drunk,” You slur at him, slightly catching the way his lips curl upwards,

“Looks like you succeed that goal. C’mon, I’ll take you home,” Adam offers a hand for you to take, but you shake your head,

“Nah.. it’s still early, and m’not even there yet,” You grin at him, eyes twinkling in dim light from the liquor,

Adam softly chuckles, “(Y/n) it’s two in the morning,”

Your furrow your brows at him, “Wha-?”

Looking over your shoulder as much as you can without toppling off your stool, you noticed how the place looked completely deserted, only a few people remained. The rest of the gang had left an hour ago while you were busy downing the image away at the bar. It was just you and Adam now. Giving a surprise hum, you turn back to the bar, calling after Greg, which sounded more like ‘Reg’.

“You can leave if.. y’want,” It was more of an offer than a question,

Adam shakes his head, “Not without you,”

“Geez Ruzek.. if you’d wanted m’in your bed, all you hada’ do is ask,” You give him your best smirk,

Adam chuckles and nervously scratches the side of his neck. If only it would be that easy with you, not that he would only want you on his bed, no that would be the bonus, what he truly wanted was to claim you as his own. You two have been friends since the academy days, and when you both got chosen by Alvin it just grew from there. Especially with the death of your recruiter, something had been built in between you two, causing the both of you to show your vulnerability to one another. You guys trusted each other and knew each other better than anyone else, and as the years passed, your relationship grew as well.

Your feelings to one another wasn’t visible after the whole marriage devastation with Burgess, then once again with Hailey. Adam wasn’t sure at first, would do his best to deny such feelings by sleeping around, but once he’d wake up he felt guilty about the whole night. Feeling wrong for sleeping with a women that wasn’t you. He finally admit to the feelings one day during a case, it was a close call, he didn’t say anything, but he certainly realized how much he cared for you. The moment he saw your body falling on the ground, face twisted in pain as you tried your best to gather air, he thought the worse. If it wasn’t for your awkward position and the heavy bullet vest, the entire situation would have been a lot more horrible.

“‘Reg,” You call out again,

Adam watches as the bartender makes his way over, vodka bottle in one hand and a weary look on his face. Just as nears them both and brings the bottle towards the shot glass, Adam throws a couple bills on the counter.

“She’s done for the night pal,” The bartender nods his head, relief showing on his face as he quickly collects the payment,

You turn around with narrowed eyes, “C’mon, everyone else went home, it’s time for us to do the same,”

You stay quiet for a few seconds before dropping your eyes down to the counter, “Not everyone,”

Adam’s smile slowly falters. He knew exactly what you were referring to. The little girl that had been kidnapped along with various other kids, had been rescued, except for Isabel Pace, a 7 year old girl. She was one of the offenders favorite apparently, just as the gang found his hideout where he kept all the kids, he had took off with her. You had followed him in the car, tried to keep up with him, but an oncoming truck had rammed you off the road, making you lose visual on the beaten up car. Although, after a few minutes later a park ranger caught visual on the car, but once you all arrived on the scene it was a horrifying sight. Sat on the drivers seat was your perk, bullet wound to the head, but what made your stomach twist with pain and rage was the little girl in the back seat who shared the same wound to the head.

The image would forever haunt you along with the others. So of course, Adam couldn’t blame you for wanting to drown yourself in liquor, it wasn’t easy.

He watches as you down the rest of the drink before sighing quietly through his nose, “Come on,”

With hesitation you finally climb off your stool, gripping tightly on Adam’s jacket as he helps you with an arm around your waist, steading you on your feet before slowly walking out the bar and towards his car. Luckily, you hitched a ride with Hailey, leaving your car back at the station and not having to worry about it in the morning.

The ride to your apartment was less than 20 minutes, but still managed to doze out with your head leaning heavily against the cool window. Parking in front of your apartment building, Adam softly nudges you awake before climbing off and walking over to your door. Once helping you out and up the flight of stairs, the both of you finally made it to your front door after what seemed like ages. The elevator had broken down, leaving the stairs the only option available, Adam thanked the lord you stayed in the second floor, he didn’t think he’d be able to go through another pair of stairs with your drunken state.

Another minute passed of Adam trying to open your door while you leaned heavily against him. Kicking your door open with his free shoulder, he leads you both inside and shuts it with his foot before walking you over to your couch. Gently settling you down on the cushions, he walks back to front the door, locks it and turns back, heading towards the kitchen. He’s been in your apartment long enough to know his way around the house. His movements in the kitchen can be heard, but honestly it didn’t faze you, in fact you were nearly dozing off—again— on your couch as he made himself at home in the other room.

“Here,” Adam’s voice makes your eyes flutter open, he sat on your right with a large glass of water,

With slow movements you sit right on the couch as you reach out towards the cup and finish it one gulp. At least it’ll somewhat help with the headache in the morning, it won’t subside the brutal hangover, but it’ll at least help some. Handing him the cup, you settle back in the couch, not to sleep, but to drift off. It wasn’t even a minute when tears start to fall down your cheeks, you thought they were silent tears, but the way you sniff had Adam turning towards you. Not wasting a second he wraps an arm around your shoulders and brings you towards him, your head resting heavily against his chest as silent sobs leave you. Seeing you in pain was the last thing Adam wanted, no matter the situation, he hated seeing you in pain, especially when he doesn’t know exactly how to comfort you. Physically he’s good at, but when it comes to words, he’s the worst, till this day it still surprises him when he manages to spill any comforting words to anyone who’s in need of them.

Comforting someone with words wasn’t his best suit, but words weren’t exactly what you needed at the moment, hell, it never is most of the time, so all the detective does is wrap a tight arm around you as he softly rubs soothing circles on your shoulder and leaning the side of his cheek at the top of your head. Getting a small whiff of your coconut shampoo, along with your Calvin Klein perfume he had gotten for your birthday a few months ago, the scent alone made his heart flip.

A few moments had passed when your tears had finally subsided, but still remained on the couch with Adam, head leaning against his chest, heartbeat playing in your ear and feeling yourself calming down. Another minute passes as you two remain on the couch, his fingers gently massaging your scalp as your own fiddle with a button on his shirt. Although, the sound of you yawning finally breaks the silence in the room, and bringing Adam back from his thoughts.

“C’mon, let’s take you to bed,” As much as he wants to hold you in his arms all night, Adam knows you both need sleep to get up for work in a couple of hours,

Which will be a bitch for the both of you. But mainly for you.

You shake your head and only bury yourself closer to his chest, which honestly made Adam want to allow it, want to fall asleep on the couch with you, but he knows it would be uncomfortable and knows it will only worsen your headache in the morning. Slightly chuckling to himself, Adam places a finger underneath your chin and lifts it up until you meet his chocolate orbs.

“You’ll be okay,” He referred it as a reminder more than a question,

Which was true, and you knew it was. Your job was all about dealing with tough cases that will sometimes get personal, that will have a strong effect on you, both positive or negative and then slowly learning how to move forward. Whether the pain is still there, you learn to use it as motivation to be better, stronger, and knowing you have support from your team, Adam, you knew the pain that you were currently dealing with would also be easy to get through. It might take days, weeks, but you knew it was all about time and patience.

With a hint of hesitation you nod your head in agreement, earning a small smile from the man and then getting lost in each other eyes. Your eyes dart from one pair to the other and then down to his lips, you repeated it a few times before finally closing the little gap between you two. You rest your lips against his for a few seconds and slightly pull back, testing the waters before seeing him lean back in. The way your lips felt together was like a feeling no other, like the missing pieces of the puzzle have been placed in their proper spot, they felt just right. Relief and happiness washed over both your chest, after what seemed like a lifetime you two have finally gave in to one another, and it honestly felt fucking great.

Gentle kisses were exchanged for a few minutes before slowly growing into firmer and deeper kisses. Without much warning you straddle his lap, immediately feeling his hands on either side of your waist, holding you upright as you two continue to lavish each other’s mouths, however, the way you begin to move your hips has him coming back to reality. A small gasp escapes from him when you circle your hips once again, giving you the opportunity to dive your tongue, earning yet another small moan from both of you. The moment was quickly escalating when Adam was beginning to feel all his blood going south, not that he didn’t want to continue, matter of fact he’d take you right here and there but he knew it wasn’t the right way nor right time. You are just acting on impulse, heat of the moment, and more importantly you weren’t sober. What if whatever is going on at the moment is all just a drunken night for you, what if you’d regret it when you awoke? Even if the kiss felt just right to Adam, and to you, he still didn’t want to take advantage of you at this state, it would feel real to him.

“(Y/n),”

“Adam,” You whimper against his lips, moving your hips once again, emotions heightening at the feeling of his member growing underneath you,

The hand that was resting against the mans chest had made its way at the back of his head, fingers finding they’re way into his small soft locks. It wasn’t the way you had pulled his hair that made Adam stop your movements, no, it was the way you angled your hips against his. He had to stop otherwise he knows things will soon start to escalate even more. Gripping tightly on to your waist with both hands he hauls your movements, earning another small whimper from you. Breaking the kiss you stare at him with hooded yet confused eyes.

“You don’t-..,”

“No I want to,” Adam stops you, placing a hand on the side of your cheek, “but I want it to be you, the real you,”

You melt against his hand at his words, you never knew he could be such a gentleman, well more than you’ve already seen him act towards females, and that alone made you fall harder for him.

“Okay?” He asks, hand still on your cheek while eyes search for any disapproval in yours,

Placing your own hand over his, you angle your head to place a chaste kiss in his inner palm before nodding in understanding. Feeling less weight off his shoulders, Adam nods as well before helping you off his lap and leading you towards your bedroom. Helping you remove your denim jacket, boots and pants he tucks you under the covers. Just as he pulls away you grip on to his wrist, holding it loosely as you glance up at him.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Adam didn’t need words to understand what you were asking for,

You drop his wrist and watch as he shrugs off his own jacket and boots before climbing on the other side of the bed, where you immediately settled against him. Your head leaning against his chest, just like earlier while your fingers drew imaginary shapes on his black undershirt. The feeling sending relaxation to the man and making his eyes flutter shut, awhile so many questions piled in your head. What does it mean for you two now? Did he feel the same way or was he just being a gentleman and not wanting to take advantage? Was it just the heat of the moment? Not being able to handle so many thoughts you call out his name.

“Shh..go to sleep,” He says through closed eyes, as if knowing exactly what you were planning on asking and continues with, “I’ll be here in the morning,”

A small smile tugs at the corner of your lips, even if the questions still laid heavily in your head, you knew he would be there in your arms when you awoke. You just hoped you would be able to wake up next to him in the upcoming weeks and in the future. As you got comfortable against him and start to drift off, you fell asleep with his last words of the night..

“I’ll always be here,”

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- Hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

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- Love you all for the support!! 💗✨

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[syubub]

BTS SOULMATES WORST HABIT/ QUALITY

Disclaimer: This is for entertainment purposes and only my interpretation of the cards. Do not take it as fact~

Anon, I love this very much!! Thank you for requesting it!

Seokjin

I got: 7 of wands rev., Take a fucking trip ( Go see some shit. Do some new things. Talk to people cooler than you.), Stop obsessing ( You are not the centre of the fucking universe)

So. This person tends to get overwhelmed easily and can be a bit of a workaholic at times.

This is someone who gets so so so focused their failures and faults and stuff that they kinda become blinded by that

I pulled a clarity and got 9 of swords.

This really is someone who spirals in anxiety when things aren't going well and likely snaps at the people around them.

Its absolutely unintended but when they get overwhelmed they kinda detatch from the world and they can only see as far as their nose.

Likely gets so in their head that they forget things about other people and it can come off as being very self-centered, cold, bitchy ect.

Yoongi

Lol

A lot of cards came out.

We have: 2 of cups, Drop the fucking ego. (Vulnerability is hot as fuck.), Ask a fucking expert. (Don't rely on your friends or the Internet. Listen to a damn professional.), Stop fucking whining. (No one wants to listen to that shit. Complaining makes you weak. You have the strength to change your world-so do it.), You need a good fucking cry. (Get the ugly cry on. Let that shit go. Your soul will thank you.)

They tend to romanticize life to the point that they think that something will come and change their life for them

But that isn't how shit works

They have mad issues with getting vulnerable and admitting that they are struggling or that they aren't happy where they are.

Emotionally constipated lol

Definitely has a hard time letting other people in bc of trust issues

They don't really outwardly emote often so it all builds up.

They think that independence means you can't look for guidance and thats bad

Very much ignoring the work they have to do to get to where they want to be but still pretending like they are getting closer to it

Ugh

They have a lot of shit to work out in the emotions department

They also seem to just have a general lack of grounding.

Hoseok

Oki

I got: 10 of swords rev., the tower, Stop talking. (Shut your mouth and listen.) Winning. (You got a good thing going. Don't ruin that shit.)

This is someone who can't keep their foot out their fucking mouth.

Dear god.

Its all good intentions but they say way more than they need too and it can ruin things for them.

They also can be too open.

They also resist change too much.

They fear self change.

They couldn't give a shit about external change but breaking old habits and old patterns is something they just don't like to do

So as a result they don't ever challenge their views internally.

This can leave them with a shaky foundation (putting off that tower moment) of old views and outdated information.

This can make them pretty damn judgmental at times.

They just need to let the tower moment happen and reasses all of their beliefs to figure out what they truly stand for and who they are, not just what has been forced in them (societal, parental. Even friends)

Also likely gullible

EMBRACE INNER CHANGE

Jesus, you're gonna give me a fuckin migraine

Its frustrating because THEY KNOW WHAT THEY HAVE TO DO BUT THEY JUST DON'T WANT TO

I feel bad for your guides, hobi's soulmate.

JUST DO IT

Namjoon

...

I got: Hanged man rev., 2 of swords, What the hell are you waiting for? Get that shit done. (If you were waiting for a sign-well, here it ucking is.), Don't believe every shitty thought you have. (Thoughts can be lying, sneaky bastards)

This is a procrastinator.

They tend to avoid things when they are faced with things that are unpleasant or even really good.

They are frustratingly doing nothing.

Big big big avoider.

STOP DOING THAT

Doesn't really want to do better.

They are content where they are for the simple reason that they don't want to experience discomfort by actively going after what they truly want in life

THIS DOESNT HELP ANYONE

They are also VERY passive when they are procrastinating

Jimin

Bring it.

We have: The magician, You are loved. (You are here for a reason. Don't fuck it up.), Have you eaten? (Your acting like a big ass baby. You need food in your belly. Either fucking taco.)

Well okay then.

I think this ties into jimins soulmate reading so I won't go too indepth about that part. You can read his soulmate reading here (x)

BUT

The thing that makes this their worst quality/ worst habit is because they have every tool and all of the want to help their situation but just don't?

And specifically another thing is that no matter how much someone tells this person that they love them, that they are important and that they matter, this person DOESN'T BELIEVE IT. The actively try to convince themselves otherwise.

Actively

On purpose

Because they don't know what else is a personality trait.

Again go read jimins soulmate read.

It's not that anyone blames them for this or anything but they actively reject help at times and get pissy about their situation.

You know what you need to do to fix your shit. Do it. Don't use it as your fucking personality.

You are more than that.

Dear god.

Theres a lot to say here.

Whatever situation it is, they are so stubborn and determined to do shit on their own and they have every resource but they are scared to lose a defining trait.

Ugh

I have a lot I want to say about this but I'll leave it here.

Taehyung

Oki oki

10 of wands, 2 of cups, you're giving too many fucks. (Give zero) and figure shit out on your own.

So this is someone how tends to overwork themselves.

They don't really know when to quit? They seem to be very determined but to their own detriment at times.

They also tend to carry the burden in any social relationship. People tend to use them?

They go along with it because they have a lot to offer and a lot to give and don't always have the boundaries to keep people from taking advantage of them.

They honestly just give too many fucks.

They value human connection so much that they will let themselves be a fucking doormat.

They feel very isolated even though they aren't (when I do the second soulmate read I think I'll have some more about this then)

Jungkook

Oki

We have: the tower, 7 of swords, eat your fucking vegetables. (Eat some shit made by mother nature), dont talk to anyone. Don't look at anyone. (You need some fucking time alone. And you know why)

First thing. I heard, "The diet of a child" and then "gamer girl" umm.

I have 2 things.

1. They take bad care of themselves when they go through a rough patch and the trend sneak away from everything (probably lie to get out of whatever obligations or do some sneaky shit) and eat fucking lunchables and kids cuisine microwave dinners with energy drinks exclusively

2. They tend to be ridiculously picky irl. Or just can't cook for shit so they only eat coffee pot Ramen.

Pull yourself together.

Their worst habit is withdrawing from everything when things get rough.

They don't take care of themselves and they drink Monster energy drinks like a scene kid from 2010.

That's gross.

Pls stop

[alyss-spazz-penedo]

@w1lmutt because I can’t even pretend that I don't function entirely on positive feedback and procrastinating, here’s part 2 of the unedited v!Wind fic~

Part 1 Next>>

“They’re… all statues,” Four breathes.

He looks around with an old horror pulling at his expression. He’s not the only one; many among the group have matching expressions on their own faces. It makes him feel sick, that he can see his own unpleasant experiences reflected in these other heroes. 

People being turned to stone… He doubts anyone can have good experiences with that.

“Yeah, everyone on the island is like that," what is apparently Outset's only animated person informs them. 

The boy has his hands folded behind his head, facing the group while walking backwards with the sort of sure-footedness that comes from being intimately familiar with the path beneath his feet. That oversized sword swings with every careless motion of his wrist, a casual display of unnatural strength that puts most of the heroes visibly on edge. "Even the pigs up the hill are preserved; I do NOT want to think about how Mrs. Rose will react if she wakes up to find them all gone.” 

Their guide shudders, as though the wrath of what sounds to be a pig farmer is somehow a thing for a sorcerer of his caliber to fear.

The pure dissonance between the boy's childlike demeanor and the ominous aura he puts out is jarring. Parts of Four almost wish the kid would just attack and get it over with.

"Are you the one who did this to them?" Warriors asks, tone biting.

The kid makes a so-so motion in reply, offers, "It's not hurting them," and then continues the impromptu tour as though he hadn't heard the accusation at all.

"That's Mister Sturgeon up there, on the balcony. He's a nosy old codger, you're lucky he's not awake. He lives with Master Orca, who has all the spears, and will kick your ass if you let him. Well, maybe not you guys, you all look like you know how to handle a sword. Oh, this is Miss Sue-Belle, careful you don't bump her. She’s really nice; she taught me how to balance pots on my head way back when. Do not break any of the pots in the village, though, cuz she always blames me for them even though I can count on one hand the number of times it was actually me. That’s my house over there, by the way."

“Who are these two, then?” Time, ever composed, motions to the frozen duo on the porch of the house the boy is leading them to.

The kid smiles. It lights up his whole face, makes him look young and sweet even with his pallor and that wickedly sharp blade in hand.

“This is my Grandma.” He runs up to the old woman, throwing a quick hug around unmoving shoulders. Then he wraps his arms around the little girl and pivots her on stone heels to face them all. He smiles down at her frozen features, fond. “And this is Aryll, my little sister.”

Then the boy looks up, smile hard. He raises his blade and jabs it in their direction warningly. “Don’t touch them, or I’ll kill you.”

Even with the sword brandished, there’s no intent to swing behind the motion, so Four raises his hands placatingly. “We won’t,” he promises on the group’s behalf, before the jumpier of their number can escalate the situation.

"No, you will not," the kid says agreeably. He shifts his grip on the hilt of his sword, until he’s holding it less like a weapon and more like a wand. With a deceptively delicate flick of the wrist, he swishes the blade through the air like it weighs no more than a twig, humming so faintly that none of them can make out the tune. The collected heroes tense as they feel the spell build and release.

Two of the birdlike monsters that had chased them through the woods drop out of the sky, wings flaring as they pull to a stop just behind the one who summoned them. The boy doesn't bother looking at them.

"Guard," he orders the birds, piercing gaze still fixed on the heroes. He pats his sister on the shoulder, as if to comfort her, then abruptly lets the ice melt from his face as he decides he's made his point clear.

He's all harmless teenager again as he opens his front door to them, as he directs them to make themselves comfortable, as he darts around fetching bandages and fixing tea. Four watches closely, studying the ease with which the kid navigates the cabinets and how quickly he plucks out pillows and potions and cups for them all.

He feels sick all over again.

This house is the kid’s home. The preserved faces of his family and village are smiling and peaceful, not the fear-twisted visages of people staring down a catastrophe. The boy talks about the inhabitants of what is almost certainly his hometown like they’re going to wake up any day now.

What happened here?

“You've introduced us to every person we've passed,” Four ventures, while everyone else is busy regarding their assigned beverages with deep suspicion. “But what about you?”

The boy blinks. “You’re… asking for my name?”

“Is that so odd? We gave you ours.” In a manner of speaking, because the whole we're-all-reincarnations-named-Link thing was and always will be a pain to explain. So they just don't.

“You came here and you—you don’t even know my name?" The boy looks almost affronted, under his sheer bewilderment. "I thought everyone knew it by now. I... I’m Link.”

A collective sharp inhale. Four exchanges shocked glances with his companions, because that—that can’t be right.

The boy—Link—studies them all closely. Slowly, his bafflement drains away, leaving something suspicious and shrewd in its wake. “You recognize my name, but not the island's and not me. Where did you lot say you came from, again?”

Sky steels himself, and steps forward. He draws Fi from his back. “Tell me something, Link. Do you recognize-?”

"Holy shit?!" Link gasps before Sky can even finish, gaping like a fish. “How do you have that? Did you morons free Ganondorf? The Master Sword should be buried in his skull at the bottom of the Great Sea!"

"What the fuck," Legend murmurs, very quietly.

In unison, they all look at Sky, who is the only one both willing and able to explain without sounding absolutely crazy.

[They begin actual introductions; y'all know the LU premise already]

“The… Hero of Time? You're the Hero of Time?” The boy interrupts, eyes wide with recognition, and at least that gives them some idea of when in the timeline they are now.

Then he snarls, sudden and animalistic. “You’re still alive? WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!”

That naked blade comes up, abruptly going from an afterthought to very present threat, and in a flash everyone has their weapons drawn. Link ignores all of this, rage twisting his face into something monstrous and unholy.

“If you’d been there you could have prevented EVERYTHING! Hyrule would still EXIST! And now you have the GALL to show your face after ALL THESE YEARS calling yourself HERO like you somehow DESERVE-!”

Link's hand darts into his robe and flashes out with what looks like the hilt of a sword. He slashes it sharply through the air, a figure-eight, and too late they recognize it as magic.

"Link, calm down!"

"Just let us finish explai-"

"Stop him-!"

It's instantaneous. Like being on the receiving end of Wild's Stasis Rune. In the space between seconds, Time goes from standing in their midst to crashing through the far wall, tumbling down to the beach from the abrupt force of a half-dozen strikes hitting all at once.

The newest Link stalks him down the sands while the rest of them scramble to catch up. "He looked for you, you know," the boy hisses, looking positively demonic. "He was so sure you'd appear when he tore apart your precious Queen, when he hunted down the Sages one by one. The gods destroyed Hyrule rather than let him have it, and you ran and hid and now, NOW you crawl out of whatever hole you’ve been buried in all these ages when there is nothing left-!”

Time groans, bleeding profusely, but still has enough presence of mind to raise his blade and deflect Link's attempt to stab out his remaining eye. He scrambles to get to his feet. Link kicks him back down with contemptuous ease as the tentacles on the boy’s back spring to life and deflect all manner of arrows and magic from the group of heroes charging out the hole Time's body left in the wall.

“Pathetic,” Link hisses, only he does it in Ganondorf’s voice. Time’s struggles to rise hitch in recognition. “This is the hero that defeated me all those-?”

Link can't see it, but the heroes bearing down on the boy can. The eye on his back jumps, blinking and looking around as if just waking up. The appendages attached to it pulse testingly, once, twice.

With a sudden vengeance, Bellum comes screeching to life. It's tentacles wrap around it's host's limbs, his neck, his sword-arm—clearly trying to strangle the boy into submission. What little color is left in Link's already-gray skin drains away as he staggers under the sudden onslaught, wheezing.

“Bellum—fucking parasite—you—!” Link wheezes. His hand glows, the gold of the Triforce burning as it’s wielder struggles to wrest control of himself back from the opportunistic creature.

That hourglass-adorned sword hilt makes a reappearance, drawing in the air again as Link attempts to buy himself time. The heroes lunge-

-and their fingers close on air. The boy is gone, vanished in the space of a blink.

They have more immediate concerns, however.

"Time!"

“That’s a lot of blood, shit.”

“Hold on, old man. Hyrule, can you stabilize him?” 

“We can’t stay here, what if he comes back?”

“The kid said there was a way off the island on the other side of the woods, right?”

Course decided, they bundle Time up as quickly and securely as they can, and retreat back towards the monster-infested woods. 

Better the creatures in there, they think, than the one stalking them from above as they flee the bloodstained sands, eyes burning yellow behind the Helmaroc’s Mask.

[deejadabbles]

A Thousand Songs (Atem/Yami x Reader)

Chapter One: We Are Broken

One /// Two /// Three /// Four /// [Five Coming Soon]

Summary: You knew that you and your band could make it big. Not only that, but stay together while doing it; the five of you were family, after all. The only problem was that despite all your musical talents...none of you were particularly good at lyrics. After years of struggling to put out your first full album, the solution finally made himself know in chance meeting on an empty stage.

Rock Band AU, Atem x Reader, gender neutral reader.

A.N.  Woo look at me, starting a new series before I finish my current ones. Don't hate me I have the attention span of a squirrel! I know band AUs are pretty cheesy but I don't care, this idea has been floating in my head for awhile and it's super cute okay?? I was also going to wait to post this until all the chapters were done but I couldn't control myself anymore. These chapters will be much shorter than my usual length so hopefully that means I can update faster??? I won't make any promises but I'll try. Anywho, I hope you guys like fashionable, sensitive Atem because that's who'll be featured in this fic <3 The reader's gender is never mentioned but I will admit I tended to lean more towards songs sung by women in this, I don't really think that matters though (I have Atem sing songs originally sung by women so...). I really hope you guys like this series and I'll love to hear your thoughts <3 Also: @ohyema​ This is the series I told you about all that time ago lol

I am outside

And I've been waiting for the sun

With my wide eyes

I've seen worlds that don't belong

My mouth is dry

With words I cannot verbalize

Tell me why

We live like this

The crowd was small, as always, but it was enough. Anyone hearing your songs was enough for now, or so you told yourself week after week. You felt Yugi’s eyes on you as you leaned away from the mic, plucking the cords of your Stratocaster for the brief solo and you looked to your left to see him smiling at you; always the positive optimist, the sun that shone on you and the rest of the band.

You flashed him the briefest smile in return before turning back to the mic. If you closed your eyes, got lost in Anzu’s keys, Jou’s steady beats, and Honda’s strings, you could almost pretend you were playing in front of a packed venue. One full of fans solely there to hear music, and not just a dozen or so patrons who enjoyed the music as a backdrop to their late-night drinks.

Keep me safe inside

Your arms like towers

Tower over me

You could have sworn you heard another voice in the crowd join yours as the chorus came. Ah, so there was an actual fan in the crowd.

Cause we are broken

What must we do to restore

Our innocence

And all the promise we adored?

Give us life again

Cause we just wanna be whole

Your eyes fluttered back open for the briefest second and through the smoky haze in the room, you saw that someone at the bar was holding up their phone, camera aimed at the stage. That managed to make you smile, at least you had someone’s attention.

Lock the doors

Cause I'd like to capture this voice

It came to me tonight

So everyone will have a choice

And under red lights

I'll show myself it wasn't forged

We're at war

We live like this

“Are you guys on SoundCloud or anything? Cos that was pretty awesome!” asked a young man who looked barely old enough to be in the bar at all.

You were just helping Yugi pack away his turntables, having finished your set and wishing the small crowd a good night. The young man was with two others, all of them looking enthused as they stood at the base of the small stage. The girl even giggled when Honda winked at her.

Yugi, as usual, was the one to speak up and pulled out a small leather folder from his back pocket. “Yeah, we are actually! We also have a youtube channel,” he pulled cards from the folder, black cardstock with your band’s name, logo, and media accounts scrawled across it in gold text. He handed one to each in the trio, smile still bright on his face, “Check us out if you get the chance, we’re trying to put out a new album this summer, so we should have plenty of new songs to listen to soon.”

With a few ‘cool man’s and ‘awesome’s, the trio wandered back to the bar, the one who had spoken already pulling out his phone with the card in hand, and the girl waving at Honda over her shoulder.

“You know you shouldn’t get their hopes up,” Anzu whispered as she set her keyboard case at the foot of the stage, “Two songs does not an Album make- we have no clue when we’ll actually have it out!”

“Well,” you chimed in, clicking one of Yugi’s several cases closed, “Maybe telling new fans to expect more from us will finally light a fire under our song-writing-asses.” When Jonouchi opened his mouth, that cheeky look on his face, you held up your hand to silence him, “And yes, I know I procrastinate too much, I’m to blame too.”

Yugi lifted two of his cases- and answered after Jou jumped in to take the heavier of the two, “I still think all of us should take a week's vacation, lock ourselves in our studio and work on the album together. Only getting together a few times a week is what’s really killing us I think- we can’t get into a creative groove!”

You and Anzu exchanged a look, knowing full well that neither of your bills would appreciate the week's loss in pay. Still, maybe it was something that you guys could find a way to work out. Then again, there was another idea that had been brewing in the back of your mind for a while now, and you weren’t sure if it was really something that the others in your band would go for...like, at all.

“I don’t know, a week probably wouldn’t even be long enough,” Honda chimed in after slinging his guitar case over his shoulder, grabbing an amp in the free hand.

Jou nodded as you all started filing out the bar’s back door, “I’m still thinking that gettin’ together every single night until the album’s done is the best way to go, even if it’s just for a few hours!”

This was the usual road the song writing debate took, or at least, how it usually went the past month or so, and soon enough the topic came to a standstill, as it usually did.

After loading up Jonouchi’s truck with your equipment, Honda gave the suggestion of stopping for some burgers at the 24 hour joint down the road, a common ritual after your monthly gig at “The Bandit’s Den”. As usual, Jou parked in the space best visible from the front windows of the dinner, and the five of you were glad to find that not another soul sat at the tables.

After settling at your usual booth and ordering, Yugi actually splayed his hands out on the table, looking rather determined. “You don’t start work until seven tomorrow. Right?” he asked you.

“Yeah?”

“I think we should take another trip to the station.”

You actually had to repress a sigh at that. Yugi was all about trying to trigger inspiration for songs, and the “station” referred to an old train station on the outskirts of town. You guys had discovered it long ago and were eager to use it in a music video, but were waiting for the perfect song to go with it. Sure, the old giant clock and brick stairs were a perfect setting, but it had only sparked a line or two of lyrics, nothing to make a full song.

Out of the five of you, most of the lyric writing fell on your’s and Yugi’s shoulders, with Anzu, Honda, and Jonouchi giving occasional input. Since you were the lead singer most seemed to think you would be the natural lyric maker, but the truth was that, despite your talent in singing and playing the lead guitar, lyrics just weren’t your forte. You’d had some luck when teaming up with Yugi, his emotional maturity helping you work through the written expressions, but that only went so far. Yugi also tried things like this, exercises and field trips in the hopes that it would spark creativity.

“How many times have we been to the station before, Yugi?” you asked, “I just don’t think it’s the oracle of inspiration we all hoped it would be. I still want to film there some time, but I don’t wanna take time out to visit it again, I’ll just get annoyed when it doesn’t lead to anything.”

Yugi’s set expression seemed to blink away, replaced with something almost like guilt, “Okay, I was just trying to think of something to get our inspiration flowing…”

Now you’re the one who felt guilty. “I know...hey maybe we could try something new? Like we could go some other place or try some different way to spark our heads?” you suggested, trying to sound positive.

Yugi’s eyebrows lifted in interest, but he was cautious when he asked, “Like what?”

“I…” you trailed off when your mind came up blank. It remained blank even as your eyes trailed over the entirety of the empty dinner as well as the dark scenery outside. A growl of frustration left your throat as you face planted on the table, “I don’t know!”

You heard Yugi giggle as he reached out and patted your head. Beside him, Jonouchi said, “What you need is some brain food! That’s sure to help some ideas come- ah! And here’s our feast now!”

Even though the food was good, kick-start your brain, it did not. If anything the meal just made you more sleepy, even as you guys chatted over the next hour before paying the tab and piling back into Jou’s truck.

Like always the next stop was the studio, the home and hideaway for you and your friends. For a small-time band whose biggest fame was on Youtube, all of you were actually quite proud of your studio. Yugi’s grandfather owned a few rental properties, and since the building wasn’t fitting for a residential space, nor in a part of town that would serve a shop well, he had agreed to give you guys the small building in exchange for help around his game shop every week.

Working together to make the space your own was some of the best memories you had with your oldest friends; going to second-hand shops to gather fitting set pieces, saving up for the sound dampeners so you could record your songs without paying a big-time studio, setting up the back room with tattered old furniture and a mini-fridge that was sure to break down any day.

The only thing that beat those days were the times you actually spent in the studio; rehearsing, recording your few music videos, spending downtime together writing new music on lumpy bean bag chairs and worn rugs (and definitely getting distracted by each other every ten minutes).

The night was late enough that no one bothered the five of you as you unloaded the truck, and soon enough all of you were taking your usual spots in the back room (Anzu sprawling out on the battered chaise, Jonouchi and Yugi filling up the loveseat, Honda falling onto a pair of beanbags, and you plopping down in the hammock chair).

“Alright you guys, I’m just going to come out and say it,” Anzu sighed after a few moments of hanging off the arm of her seat, “We need help writing our songs.”

You actually sat up as straight as you could in your chair and peered over at her- had she really just said what you had been thinking of saying for weeks?!

When she saw your look, something like panic colored her face as she waved her hands, “Not that I don’t think you’re a good writer! The songs you came up with were awesome! ...But-”

You waved off her concern, the hard motion causing your hammock to spin a little, “No- no, Anzu, I totally agree! I just didn’t know if I should bring it up...”

Even if you hadn’t thought of it too, Anzu had plenty of reason to think you needed help. In the whole four years since your group had started the band, from the first days sitting in class drawing up logo ideas, you had only written six original songs- and that included the two that were meant to go on your new album. You had gotten by with relying on covers to fill out your live sets and media accounts and making a host of excuses for the lack of originality.

“You really think bringing in another bandmate’s a good idea?” Honda chimed in, eyes narrow as he leaned back in his beanbag chair.

“Yeah, we don’t wanna end up like half the other bands out there,” Jonouchi chimed in, seeming to subconsciously pull Yugi closer to his side, “you guys know the only reason our band works is because we get each other- we’re family! We can’t just bring another person into that, it’ll ruin it and maybe even break us up!”

Yugi put a hand over Jonouchi’s, “Hey hey, slow down, don’t you think we’re getting a little ahead of ourselves? First of all, bands hire ghostwriters all the time, and they don’t always join the band. Besides... I don’t know, if the person’s really cool, would it be that bad to have another member?”

“We could always have them ghostwrite for us for a while, and if we like them, then talk about letting them join,” you offered, and were glad when everyone seemed to contemplate that with at least some positivity. “But that brings up the issue I think we’ll have, I’m not sure we can find someone who fits with our style all that easily. Like Jonouchi said, there’s a reason all of us work well together.”

It was true, all of you brought something to the table, something more than an instrument. The five of you had slightly different tastes, all of it coming together in something that wasn’t quite punk, not quite rock, not quite pop or even metal, and that’s what worked to your advantage. You wanted to prove that different sounds and styles could come together in harmony and appeal to listeners all across the spectrum. Not fit into a genre-labeled box that only fans of said genre would even bother listening to.

Eventually, Anzu gave a shrug, “We won’t know until we try. Why don’t we put the word out and see what happens?”

“We can still work on our own, and if we don’t find anyone who fits, we didn’t really lose anything besides time,” Yugi added, and that pretty much settled the matter.

Tomorrow the search for a new member of your team began.

[floraljae]

GET TO KNOW ME TAG !

tagged by @dazumis aka lia the torturer

tagging @wh0sthe5pecial0ne @heephoriia @ilovjaehyun and anyone who wants to do it

what day is your birthday? september 16

what's your favorite color? black and dark green

what's your lucky number? 5 and 2

do you have any pets? yes, three dogs that are my cousin bros (who live downstairs)

how tall are you? 179 cm/ 5'10.5

how many pairs of shoes do you have? 6-7?

favorite song? kids in love by mayday parade and so let's love by day6

favorite movie? Yeh Jawaani hai deewani and Anything disney (not the latest ones though bleugh)

what would your ideal partner be like? Tall, no glasses, good at studies, has good hands and OFC doesn't nag me and yuh respekts me

do you want children? idk, maybe

have you gotten in trouble with the law? I am a good citizen

bath or shower? I'm shower

what color socks are you wearing? haven't worn em for the last two days

favorite type of music? japanese rock, korean indie, boltero rock

how many pillows do you sleep with? two

what position do you sleep in? on my back and I still have the back of a 70 year old

what you don't like when you're sleeping? having dreams with kissing/skinship involved, or just falling off my bed because of all the plot heavy dreams 🧎‍♀️

what do you have for breakfast? I don't

have you ever tried archery? yes and I'd rather not talk about it

favorite fruit? mangoes, bananas & strawberries

favorite swear word? Kutte ki aulaad, mchod and f**

do you have any scars? two, one right below my knee when I fell off a rickshaw and the other one was given by one of my dogs (cousin bro) while fighting for ice cream

are you a good liar? uh,,,idk lol. I am pretty honest- but can lie when necessary

what's your personality type? infj-a

what's your favorite type of girl? Lia, amelia and girls with big eyes

innie or outtie? innie

left or right handed? right but I can catch with both hands

favorite food? uH,,,,chicken or beef- idek

favorite foreign food? prolly steak

are you clean or messy? messy but I can be clean

most used phrase? W H A T UHM🤨

how long does it take you to get ready? procrastination= 10 minutes, getting motivated= 5 minutes, actually getting naked and putting on clothes= 3 minutes

do you talk to yourself? yeah, I get in trouble for it too

do you sing to yourself? yes, and my parents keep asking why the cats are crying outside

are you a good singer? took classes for 7 years, pretty okay ig

biggest fear? failure, getting ganged up on, being neglected/ avoided, not being understood

are you a gossip? depends, gimme quality stuff and I'll listen

do you like long or short hair? short, I FUCKING CANNOT KEEP LONG HAIR PLEASE IT'S TOO HOT HERE

favorite school subject? english and bengali literature

introvert or extrovert? introverted asf

what makes you nervous? haha not in the mood to write a 3k paragraph honey

who was your first real crush? still haven't had one

how fast can you run? due to playing ball games, I run pretty fast.

what color is your hair? black

what makes you angry? when people think they're right but aren't yet still drag things on. also, when they make out a perfectly opposite meaning of something i say.

do you like your own name? yes, it's hot and unique

do you want a boy or a girl as a child? girl. boys make me wanna yeet em off a cliff

what are your strengths? I am tall, have some good connection, I can cook- but apart from that, me is very weak

what are your weaknesses? I procrastinate, I get really nervous at times, can't control my emotions, bottle things up a lot, lie at times, do or say things that might hurt people, never feel lonely even though I am all alone most of the time, can't talk back at people who badmouth/insult me, feel a lot, lie at times and yes I cry a lot and blame myself too much, remember all the bad things from the past way too vividly

what's the color of your bedspread? white and pink

color of your room? white

[tarantulas4davey]

everyone,,,, the time has come.

Ralbert Royalty Au

have i been promising this for weeks? yes. have i been procrastinating the shit out of it like a heathen? also yes. but it’s finally here so get excited fothermuckers cause it’s time for chandler’s rambling extravaganza

also i’m totally ignoring the “period-typical homophobia” thing cause this is fantasy and in my perfect world you can love anyone so it’s not a problem here

let’s do this thing

antonio (aka race) is a prince and the second oldest of 3 boys and 1 girl, making him second in line for the throne. his older brother, jack, is set to be king in a few months, and his younger brother charlie (aka crutchie) absolutely idolizes jack. his little sister, samantha (aka smalls), is 8, and doesn’t seem to have very many opinions on the matter. she is pretty impressed by jack’s sword though.

albert is a member of the royal guard, just like his father and 2 older brothers, and has lived in the palace his entire life. he rarely comes into direct contact with any of the royal family other than charlie and smalls, who are the members he’s specifically tasked with protecting

this specific situation changes during charlie’s birthday celebration ball though, as albert and his comrades are tasked with keeping track of prince antonio

which is no easy feat, let me tell you, jack didnt nickname him “racetrack” for being a slow runner. he’s always been a bit of a wild spirit, in any case

race doesn’t particularly feel like running this time though, mostly because the handsome redheaded guardsmen is a fairly compelling reason to stick around, even if it is just for the view of a pretty face

turns out he’s charming and funny behind the face, too, making all the more reason for race to stay at a now-11 year old’s birthday party rather than trying to sneak away into town

now, there’s not any rules against guardsmen speaking to the royal family, obviously, but there’s generally some undertone of status and respect

however it’s pretty hard to keep the respectful and courteous act up when the prince has looked you up and down no less than 5 times over the course of your 10 minute conversation

also the fact he’s literally flirting his head off and is undeniably gorgeous

so yeah, they’re pretty much just casually making flirty eyes and witty one liners chatting like they’ve know eachother they’re whole lives

jack knows somethings up with his brother the second he sees him still sitting at the table with one of his guards rather than sneaking out the window or ducking down a secret passageway

fast forward to the end of this lovely gathering with way too many grumpy old people for an 11 year old’s birthday party, and race is partaking in his mandatory goodbyes, perfect charming and very fake smile plastered across his face as he shakes hands and gives hugs and manages to do it all without knocking the gold crown off his blonde curls or wrinkling the crisp navy suit and white dress shirt he has on

albert is not staring. he’s not

ok maybe just a little

jack catches him staring and chuckles under his breath before elbowing race when the last guest finally leaves

“think you’ve got yourself a little admirer.”

what surprising is race’s reaction

“oh shut up, he wouldn’t be staring at me”

i’m sorry what was that

the great prince antonio? sounding,,, what was that??? e m b a r r a s s e d ???

let’s just say albert’s gotten under race’s skin more than he cares to admit

aka he can’t get his laugh out of his head and it feels like that smile is imprinted on his eyelids and holy shit

albert isn’t fairing much better but at least he isn’t melting into a pile of goo everytime he so much as thinks of the prince

but “those e y e s, man! elmer, you don’t get it, they’re so blue. you can get lost in those eyes.”

ok yeah maybe he’s a bit smitten, can you really blame him?

race finally gives in and tries to find him again, and he manages to, but is promptly turned into an incoherent blushing mess

cause at that exact moment albert is in training with some of the other guards and is currently swordfighting spot with a two-handed rapier

which is far more attractive than it should be, honestly

so imagine albert’s surprise when he manages to disarm spot (which doesn’t happen very often) and comes face to face with a very red faced prince antonio

race just turns on his heel and flees the room, but albert manages to catch up with him in the massive corridor

“i- uh,,,, what are you doing on this side of the castle?”

starting out strong, albert, good job

race fumbles for an excuse for a minute before just deciding to bite the bullet

“i was,,,, looking for you, actually”

albert just blinks at him

“listen i know you were pretty much just forced to babysit me or whatever but i actually really like you and i can’t get that stupid smirk out of my head and just-“

race’s very long and vaguely rambling speak is cut off by albert’s hand

but when albert removes the hand, the rambling just starts right back up again

“what was that? do you want me to leave? cause i can totally do that. like i know i’m the prince or whatever and i have absolutely no chance here so obviously if you want me to-“

albert’s method of shutting race up is much more effective this time

mostly because race’s mouth is now otherwise preoccupied,,,,, with his mouth

race freezes for a second, hands caught mid air where they were gesturing wildly during his rant before he just sinks into the kiss and places his hands in albert’s hair

they pull back after a bit, desperate for air, and albert catches race’s gaze, not moving any further back than strictly necessary for breathing

“does that answer your question, princey?”

“i don’t know,,,,,, might need you to do it again just to double check.”

albert chuckles and race mentally catalogs the sound, all deep and lovely and slightly raspy from his lack of air

and then albert closes the gap again

well,,,,, i did it. it’s been done. i’m probably gonna write a part 2 cause i already love them and i wanna explore this universe some more

please send me any headcanons or ideas you have about these lovely lads, and let me know what you think of this !!!

thank you <333

[pandemilkbread]

12.192 meters (prologue)

Todoroki Shouto x Reader

prologue. chapter 1. 

Summary: It only took two seconds for your world to start over. You plunged towards the dark, fingers crossed, and hoped for the best. 

At that moment, you had two problems and they both had to do with the dead man in their kitchen. He, on the other hand, found himself breathing— and was honestly very surprised by that fact.

Unbeknownst to you, the pretty-looking stranger with the heterochromatic eyes would make the four storey plunge into the Earth worthwhile.

[simply, a reincarnation fic where you the reader learn to live within the silhouette of someone else, in the world of someone else, and loving another in the place of someone else.]

Trigger warnings: mentions of suicide. 

                                                  ☆     ☆     ☆

7:45 A.M.

You were having one of those days where you sort of wished you didn’t wake up. 

Sad as it might be, it was a normal occurrence for you to wake up exhausted. Who wouldn’t feel tired cramming one week’s worth of homework into one night. You only have yourself to blame for delaying your work, time after time, on the basis of “I can finish it tomorrow.”

A blaring alarm roused you from your thoughts, and you turned right to pick up your phone— immediately switching off the annoying sound. Your eyes hovered over the time. 

7:47 A.M. 

Of course, you were late. Regular time usually started at 7:30 in the morning, or around 7:40 if you took account for your homeroom teacher’s tardy record.

You sighed. It was time to get ready for the intense nagging session. 

10:21 A.M.

It was quite ironic getting scolded by a teacher who was known to be unpunctual. Even more so, when you were berated for passing work late. 

When you arrived at your high school it was a bit past nine. You headed towards your homeroom and came face to face with the terror English teacher herself. With an irritated smile, she ushered you towards the staff room and began the so-called conference. 

After listening to her scolding, you left with haste. Your nose scrunched up hearing her voice remain in your thoughts “What am I going to do with you?” 

You didn't know what you were doing either. 

3:51 P.M. 

To say you were tired, was an extreme understatement. You were drained— more likely from the sixth cup of coffee you drank rather than the lack of sleep. 

You were unfocused the whole day, drifting off from each class every minute or so. You heard the quiet screech of chalk on to the board and your eyes roamed back to the topic on hand. 

Ah, yes. Mathematics. You weren’t bad at the subject, but you weren’t good at it either. If you had the will to study the subject more, you could have been great at it. 

You just didn’t have the passion for it at all. 

Your eyes strayed back to the window to your left. A class of older students were outside playing volleyball. You saw one boy slump face down to the ground, after he was smacked head first by the ball. 

A small laugh escaped your lips. It must have hurt seeing the one who threw the ball had a strength increasing quirk, or something along those lines. Other than the pain, it must be fun. 

It must have been fun to have a quirk at all. 

5:30 P.M. 

“You look tired.” 

Your eyes drifted towards the sound. It was Rin, a close friend from childhood who went to the same high school as you. Albeit she was in a different class, she never failed to be there when you needed it. 

“Blame the English essays. She had to make minimum pages ten.” You rolled your eyes in utter annoyance. 

“I told you to start them early!” Rin strolled to the chair that sat in front of you. “You already know how much you procrastinate.” 

“My brain only works when forced to by a deadline.”

“Hah, you’re just overloading yourself.”

You nodded in agreement. Suddenly your eyes focused on a small box placed on the chair nearest to Rin. It was a pink rectangular container that smelled heavenly. Something from the back of your mind clicked and you realized it was—

“Happy birthday,” the black haired girl cheered. “I know you’re probably tired and prefer to sleep the rest of the day. But… at least you could eat some cake for dinner.”

It touched your heart so much to have someone who cared about you to this extent. Seemingly, buying a cake for someone’s special day is considered as a small thing. However to a person who neither had close familial relationships nor a multitude of friends, it meant so much more. 

Hot tears slipped from your eyes and you were engulfed in bittersweet feelings. You thought it was Rin’s quirk radiating out that gave you so much warmth; when she reached out to grapple you into a hug. 

“Thank you.”

It was your birthday, and you completely forgot. But she was there, and she remembered. 

11:49 P.M. 

You were stuffed. The chocolate cake was the best dessert you’ve eaten in a while, and you were so thankful to have someone like Rin. Currently you laid on top of the roof of your apartment building, plainly gazing into the dark sky above.

It was always a routine of yours to stargaze on your birthday. It made you less lonely than you were. You did have Rin, you had other classmates at school, you had friends, you even had the little old lady next to your room. She did bake the best banana cakes… 

All of a sudden, you heard a creak followed by a slam. Another person seemingly joined the exclusive party. By the sound of her voice you could tell it was a girl, you could hardly see anything on the rooftop devoid of light. You inched yourself closer to the stranger in curiosity. 

“I’m done! I can’t take it anymore, everyone’s so unfair! I’m useless! I hate it so much!” 

She was bawling her eyes off. Her sniffles becoming louder as you approached her. 

Ah, she was having one of those days. You could relate. 

“Stupid useless quirk! Stupid, stupid, stupid!” Her sobs echoed, and you could feel your heart rattling. 

You were about to reach her when you heard the words goodbye come from her lips. Wait, goodbye!? This girl!

Your hands grasped her shoulders tightly before she made one more step over the railing. She, in turn, panicked like a wild animal trying to shake your grip. 

“I’m trying to help! Stop struggling!” 

“No! Don’t touch me you don’t understand!” She started to kick your legs in the hopes of leaving your clutches. 

“Yes I do! Let me help you!” 

“No you don’t! Shut up! My quirk can’t save anyone! I’m useless!”

You clicked your tongue in annoyance. “I have no quirk, you shit! Of course I fucking understand!”

The both of you battle for minutes constantly shoving each other back and forth. Unbeknownst to you, your body was situated directly behind the ledge. Sweat dropped from your chin and you could feel the stress piling up. 

“Fine.” You heard the other woman say. She finally stopped shuffling out of your grasp and stood still in your arms. 

With a sigh, you let go of your hold. “Finally you took some fucking sense to—” were the only words you could sputter out before seeing her run back towards the railing. 

This little shit! You rushed to the stranger, barely grabbing on to the back of her uniform, before you tumbled off the rooftop. 

The scrapes of wind that passed your skin were proof that you were falling, and falling fast you were. You couldn’t even cry a scream out, still not over the initial shock. You were falling, falling, falling, and you were going to crash, crash, crash. 

You were having one of those days where you sort of wished you did wake up. 

Alright. That was the prologue it kind of serves as a background to reader chan and her background. As you could tell, reader is quirkless and has no passion for anything — well, for now hehe. 

The actual reincarnation happens in the next chapter :> The prologue is a bit boring, but it’s needed for the events that happen in the next chapter.  

I’ll post it later tonight... thank you!

[hustlinhufflepuff]

I’ll Remember

Draco x Hufflepuff Reader 

A/N: Reader shares dorm with a girl but other than that it is pretty gender neutral... I think. Crazy how I struggled to write a 1500 word paper but wrote this fic while procrastinating. Kind of fluff, kind of angsty at the beginning. 

Description: You’re a brave Hufflepuff who has had to stand up to Draco Malfoy for the entirety of your time at Hogwarts. You decide to face the problem head on and... befriend him? Draco quickly warms up to the idea of becoming friends, and eventually crushes on reader.

Word Count:  4657

The Hufflepuff House is extremely underrated. We’re made fun of and thought of being not smart enough for Ravenclaw or not brave enough for Gryffindor or not as aspiring as Syltherins. All completely wrong. Hufflepuffs are also expected to be nice all of the time and never defend themselves, but Hufflepuffs will defend themselves and others. As a hufflepuff yourself, you’ve had to defend others from Draco Malfoy. You could see straight through his facade, he wasn’t a mean bully, just a misunderstood kid who was forced to grow up too fast.

Hufflepuffs and Slytherins shared Care of Magical Creatures together. “This right ‘ere is a niffler. Careful wit the fellers, they like ‘old and will take it from ye” Hagrid explains showing the cute thief off. 

“Is that why you’re able to take care of it? You have nothing valuable you oaf, you’re the perfect caretaker” Draco scoffs as the Slytherins erupt into laughter. You could see Hagrid was hurt by the comment and the laughter that ensued. “Actually, he’s the perfect caretaker because he’s actually an empathetic person and not an absolute twat!” you yell from the opposite end of the group. The entire class began whispering and murmuring, taken aback from the bold rebuttal. “Oh? Look it’s the little wanna be Gryffindor, y/ln” Draco began walking towards you. He looked you straight in the eyes and his face was no farther than an inch away. You could feel his hot minty breath on your face as he began speaking again “still feeling brave y/l/n?” You furrow your eyebrows and look down and see a niffler going into Draco’s robes. You can't help but laugh. “Something funny, is it?” he says aggressively. “Yep,” you say squatting down and picking up the niffler. “I believe this is yours Malfoy'' you dangle his replica of a golden snitch he keeps for good luck. He snatches it out of your hand and struts back to his friends. 

You hand the niffler back to Hagrid, “thanks fer that y/n, fer all of that” you smile and nod and go back to your place surrounded by your classmates who were impressed by your bravery. Class continued and you wrote your notes down in your notebook, you sketch out the niffler and decide to make it hold the snitch in your drawing. You feel a set of eyes staring at you. You raise your head and look around and realize it’s Draco staring at you, clearly upset at you. You give him a friendly smile as to which he rolls his eyes and looks away. 

For the rest of the week, you would find Draco staring at you everytime you were in the same room. At the start of the new week, you got tired of him staring and decided to confront him. You didn’t want to do it publically so you could have an actual conversation. You ask Professor Sprout to ask Draco to stay behind after class, this was the only way you could figure out to get him by himself. 

“Mr. Malfoy, please stay after class” Professor Sprout asked as the class got up to leave. “I’ll see you at dinner,” Draco tells Crabbe and Goyle. You stayed behind as well. “Mrs. y/l/n would like to talk to you privately Mr. Malfoy '' Professor Sprout informed him once you three were the only ones there. Draco scoffed as he looked back at you “Are you joking? You’re wasting my time, I’m leaving” Draco said heading towards the door. “Draco, please!” you plead and to your surprise he turns back around. “You never stop, do you y/n?” he walks closer to you and Professor Sprout takes it as her cue to leave and give you two privacy. 

“Don’t stop what?” you ask genuinely confused. “That! Constantly talking back to me!” he points at you, his finger in your face. “Look Draco, I’m not scared or intimidated by you because —“ Draco crosses his arms “because what?” he scoffs. “Because I know you’re just acting tough Draco”. you lay your hand on his shoulder. He quickly grabs your wrist tightly, “You don’t know anything about me y/l/n”.

He’s staring into your eyes intensely, you ignore commenting on the death grip he has on your hand. “That’s because you don’t let anyone get close to you” you continue staring back at him. “Because no one wants to and I don’t blame them” he lets go of your wrist leaving a red mark where he wrapped his hand around. “I want to,” you say. “Why? So you can use everything you learn about me and humiliate me?” he scoffs. “No. I want to because I want to see if I’m right that everyone is inherently a good person.” you say. “Fine. We can talk occasionally, don’t expect to form an actual friendship or an acquaintanceship for that matter and don’t tell anyone or I’ll make you regret you ever looked in my general direction” he threatens, turning around and leaving. 

You look down at your wrist and see the bruise his ring caused. In order to avoid questions, you put a thick bracelet to cover it up. “Did you talk to Draco?” Lili, a fellow Hufflepuff and friend asks. “Yes, it went as you would expect” you lied. “Well, you tried your best, y/n ” Draco is staring at you from across the dining hall, you lose your appetite immediately. 

“Why did you stop eating y/n?” Draco approaches you before you enter the common room. He leans against the dungeon wall. “It’s not healthy to skip meals, y’know?” he says tossing an apple up in the air and catching it repetitively. “Are you worried about me, Draco Malfoy?” you ask, surprised. “No, I have more important matters to worry about”, he tosses the apple at you and you somehow manage to catch it. He laughs and walks away. You stare at the apple for a long time. You laid it on your bed and just sat there inspecting it. “Did Draco manage to poison this?” you wonder. You decide to risk it and eat the apple. After an hour of reading Advanced Potion Making, you decide to sleep, hoping not to die in your sleep from the apple.

The apple wasn’t poisoned, either that or it took over a week to take effect. 

You were in flying class and so was Draco. He of course was an expert flyer as the seeker and captain of the slytherin quidditch team. You consider yourself as a good flyer, but definitely not nearly as good as Draco. Draco always had the newest broom whereas you had to use the school’s old brooms. “I think you’d be better if you had a newer broom y/n” Draco says flying beside you. “I can’t afford a new broom, my parents were barely able to afford our books this year” you tell him, passing him. He frowns, he realizes he brought up a sensitive topic and he wishes he hadn’t. “You’re still a great flyer y/n, you should try out to be on the Hufflepuff team. They might have a chance of winning if they have you.” he says when he catches up to you. You look up and see his sincerity in his face and shrug, “Maybe I will” you reply which brings a smirk to his face. 

Quidditch tryouts were that upcoming week, you kept replaying Draco suggesting that you try out. For once you were actually considering it. Madam Hooch did often tell you you’d be a better seeker than Michael who was last season’s seeker. She also said that you'd be able to train every day that week after dinner, you wouldn’t have the field to yourself of course, everyone else would be practicing as well. After dinner, you were eager to arrive at the training grounds to improve your flying skills before the try outs. You get the old school broom and head on before you go off you see Draco watching the younger slytherins. He sees you and approaches you “Hello y/l/n, did you decide to take my advice?” he motions to your broom. “I’m considering it, I'm not completely convinced, you’re already guaranteed to be in the team so why are you here?” you question. “What? I can't decide to fly on a beautiful day?” he replies as you raise one eyebrow in suspicion. “Fine, I'm here to scope out the new recruits for the team, as the captain it’s my responsibility to see who has the most potential” he says pointing in the direction of young slytherins. You smile “See? It's not that hard to tell the truth” you wink at him as you take off. You couldn't see it, but that wink made Draco’s face turn red. He scratched his neck and sat down on the grass with the intentions to watch the slytherins but got distracted by watching you. 

Feeling confident, you headed towards the quidditch field to attend tryouts. Unbeknownst to you, Draco was watching from afar. He tried to convince himself it was solely for the sake of observing the ‘competition’, but in reality he really wanted to know whether you tried out or not. Once you arrived, he contemplated leaving since he got the answer he was looking for but he decided he didn't have anything better to do so, why not? 

Your tryout went better than you expected, you actually felt like you had a good chance of being chosen. You were drained and needed to eat to regain your energy. At dinner, you didn’t even talk for the first half, you were busy stuffing your mouth and chugging water down. Once you finally felt full you sighed in relief and decided to join the conversation around you. You looked up and saw Pansy mock you by acting like she was stuffing her face, and she then pushed her nose up as if to call you a pig. Her table all burst into laughter, except Draco, who saw how annoyed you were. He shoved Pansy, “Shut it, Pansy”, “or what, Draco?” she stopped laughing but still looked amused. “Or I could do this” he swished his wand and jinxed her with a pig tail. She gasped loudly and cried. “God, just when I thought you couldn’t be more annoying, you cry!” Draco rolled his eyes and reversed the jinx. Everyone around was laughing at Pansy including you and the rest of the Hufflepuffs, she deserved it after bullying everyone for so long. You laughed so hard you snorted which caused you to laugh even more. Draco heard your laugh and the little snort, it made him happy that he was the reason behind your laughter. Whereas, you wondered why Draco would defend you, perhaps he began liking you now… you brushed the thought off and decided just to enjoy the moment with your friends. 

The quidditch teams released the new roster for the new season, everyone huddled around their house’s paper to see who would be on the team. You jumped with joy when you saw your name written on the page. Your friends celebrated with you patting you on the back and giving you high fives. “Congrats.” a voice says from behind. You had just now finished staring at the page and began walking towards the common room. You spin around and see Draco leaned against the wall. “Thanks, and thanks for giving me the courage to try out” you walk in his direction. “Oh, and thanks for defending me against Pansy… I know she’s your friend and all” you say with your hands behind your back. “Oh Merlin no, Pansy is most definitely not my friend - she’s more like a parasite I can’t get rid of,” you tilt your head a bit confused at the declaration that Draco and Pansy weren’t friends. “but you’re welcome”. Draco says acknowledging your thanks. 

“Have you told your parents?” he asks. “Not yet but I plan on writing a letter to them tonight via my friend’s owl.” you inform him as you both start walking to the Hufflepuff common room. “You ought to get an owl, they come in handy quite often” he says as you stop walking. You glare at him, “I’ve told you Draco, my family is not wealthy.” Draco blushes. “I truly am sorry, I forgot you had told me.” he apologizes. “It’s fine, I just don’t like being reminded.” you say as you start walking again. “Wanna come in?” you ask. He looks hesitant, “uhhhhh, are you sure that’s alright?” he asks. “Of course it is, so long as you have permission from a Hufflepuff and it’s before curfew.” you assure him. He still looks hesitant but takes your word for it and walks inside. He looks around and admires the room, “wow, very… yellow.” he states. “Yes, that is our house color after all.” you tease. “Yellow is the color of the sun and the sun makes you happy, it’s been scientifically proven” you tell him as you sit down on the couch. “Seriously? Perhaps that’s why Snape is so moody, his room is incredibly dark” he jokes as he sits besides you. “I just wanted to say that I really am sorry for telling you to get an owl again” you smile and roll your eyes “It’s fine, I forgive you.” 

“So, tell me y/n, what’s the y/l/n family history?” he asks, getting comfortable on the couch. “Is this your way of asking if my family is pure-blood?” you question. “..Yes” Draco says after a brief silence. “Is that how you judge someone? Whether they're pure blood or not?” you ask. “Not me, persay but my father would kill me if he found out i was friends with anyone other than a pure blood wizard” he says. “Friends?” you ask. Draco blushes, “I.. never said friends..” he lies. “Sure you didn’t” you say. “Whether I did or didn’t is besides the point, can you answer the question?” he says defensively and you look shocked and upset at how aggressive he sounded. “Sorry, can you answer the question, please?” he corrected himself. “Yes, my family is pure-blood but we do not believe it makes us superior to other families that are not.” you say crossing your arms. “I don’t either!” he says pointing a finger in the air. “Really?” you say with your arms still crossed, “Is that why you call people a mudblood every chance you get?” you ask and Draco’s face turns red. “I don’t believe it makes me superior but calling them that makes me feel as if I am.” Draco pouts, “That’s what father told me call them anyways” he adds on looking away from you. Draco was embarrassed by you calling him out but he surprisingly wasn’t mad at you, instead he was hoping you would forgive him for things he did to other people! He couldn’t help but be confused as to why he was thinking the way he was. 

“Look Draco, there must be other ways to make you feel better than putting others down.” you say laying a hand on his shoulder, he raises his hand and hovers over yours. You gulp, expecting him to roughly grasp your wrist like he had before, but he just moves your hand lower so he could hold it. Your heart rate increased and your hands became sweaty so you let go of his hand. “Sorry, I didn't mean to cross a boundary” he says scooting further away from you. “No, it's just that, you and I, umm well it’s because I didn’t want my, errr..” you fumble on your words and Draco giggles at you. His giggle was so cute, you had never heard it before so you were taken aback. “God, you are so funny, y/n” he says pushing lightly on your shoulder, you laugh along with him. You begin discussing school assignments and he groans, “I forgot all about that!” he throws his hand up in defeat when you mention homework that’s due on Tuesday. “It’ll be alright!” you say, “I’ll help you if you want?” you offer. “That sounds good, but it’s way too late to start on it right now.” he says looking outside the window. “Speaking of it being late, I should really go and make up an excuse as to why I’ve been missing for so long” he says standing up, putting his hand out to help you get up off the couch. You take his hand and get up. “Alright, I’ll talk to you after class to discuss when we can work on that homework” you say, walking Draco out. “Bye” you wave and he waves back and walks away. 

You close the door and skip towards your dorm. Your friend Lili was waiting at the door, “Y’know I saw you and Draco talking out there..” she says with her hand on her hip. “It was strictly academic” you lie and sit on your bed. “Sure, is that why you didn’t realize the dozen people walking in and out?” she asks. “People walked by?!” you say surprised. “Exactly.” she says. You blush and lay down realizing that she was right. You were so infatuated with Draco that you were oblivious to your surroundings. Lili was already dressed for bed, “Are you going to bed already?” you ask. “It’s 9pm y/n…” she looks at you confused. You panic when you see the time. “How is it so late?” you ask aloud. Lili shushes you. “I’m going to bed, try not to make so much noise, please.” she requests. You get off your bed and begin taking off your day clothes and change into your pajamas. You go to bed and dream of Draco.

It’s sunny and you’re laying under a tree with Draco by your side. You’re holding hands and looking up at the sky, pointing out clouds and telling each other what you think they look like. “I know you said the sun makes you happy, but I think it’s you that makes me happy, y/n” he says turning his head to look at you. You turn to face his and his face is so close to yours. You smile and begin dragging your face across the grass to kiss him. Your lips are about to touch, when…

Lili is shaking you. “GET UP Y/N” she yells with your alarm blaring in the background. You sit up and rub your eyes, “why are you yelling” you ask upset that she ruined your dream. “Because it’s almost breakfast and I’m not leaving you here to sleep the day away” she says fully dressed. You groan and roll out of bed to get ready. The only good thing about waking up is that you’ll see Draco in a little. 

Once you feel presentable, you go into the common room where Lili looks annoyed, “About time!” she says. “Let’s go already, my stomach is growling” she says rushing you out the door. During breakfast you make eye contact with Draco occasionally, his eyes were so beautiful, you wanted to stare into them forever., but you don’t because you didn't want to scare Draco away. Finally, it was time for Caring for Magical Creatures and you hopped outside with your bag hanging off your shoulder. “Now, t’day we’re lookin’ at the bow truckle” Hagrid said walking the class near the Forbidden forest. “I ask of all of ye, do not try to come up ter bowtruckles without my permission and supervision!” Hagrid announces, standing next to a tree. “They like ter eat woodlice, or fairy eggs” he informs as he offers woodlice to the tree, the class looks confused until the bowtruckle moves to eat the woodlice. “They’re the tree’s guardians, ye see in order to get the wood for some of ye’s wands, we have to distract these fellers to get the wood” he says as the bowtruckle climbs on his arm. “This one ‘ere trust me, but it takes years to gain their trust” he says, continuing to feed the bowtruckle. 

“What’s so dangerous about them? That thing is the same size as a quill!” Draco asks. “Does anyone ‘ere know why bowtruckles are so dangerous?” Hagrid asks the class. You raise your hand eagerly, excited to teach the pretty boy. “Let's hear it y/n” Hagrid encourages. “They are peaceful until you try to get wood from their tree, in that case they are known to try and gouge your eyes out, which is why you have to offer them woodlice or fairy eggs to distract them!” you say. Your class nods and begins writing it down. Hagrid claps “Good job, y/n!” you smile up at Hagrid and glance over to Draco who is smirking at you. 

it was time to go to the library to help Draco write his paper, you sat at a table with a stack of books by your side. “Please tell me you do not expect me to read all of those books tonight” Draco says upon his arrival. You smile and shake your head. “Good.” he says sitting down besides you. “Now your paper is meant to be on why Knotgrass is used in polyjuice potions and what role it plays in the potion” you ask Draco and he nods. “Okay, this shouldn’t be too hard.”

After reviewing the polyjuice potion and the ingredients and reading a book about Knotgrass, it only took you two hours to write a well written paper on Knotgrass in Polyjuice Potions. “Wow, thanks so much y/n” Draco thanks as he looks up from his paper, he’s probably read it dozens of times at this point. “What was your paper on?” he asks. You yawn and take your paper out, “How does Sneezewort cause recklessness in the Befuddlement Draught and cause energy boosts in the Strong Invigoration Draught?”. “Do you mind if I read it?” he asks. You hand him your paper and watch him as he reads. You see his eyes moving across the pages, “You understand herbology and creatures so well y/n” he hands you your paper back. “Thank you Draco, that was really nice to say. I heard you’re really good at potions and I know you’re good at flying too” you compliment him back in return. “By the way, is there any way I could repay you for your help?” he asks. “Yes,” you say and his eyes widen, eager to fulfill your request, “walk me to my dorm, I’m falling asleep as we speak!” he smiles and walks you to the Hufflepuff common room. “Thank you, your debt is cleared” you joke and he waves goodbye as you enter. You practically collapse on your bed the second you’re changed into your pajamas. 

It was Wednesday and time for Quidditch practice, you were in conversation with Cedric when you heard your favorite voice, “move over Cedric, I need to talk to y/n” you glared at Draco, trying to tell him that he was being impolite. “....please?” Draco adds confused but when you smile and nod he relaxes. “Why are you here Draco?” you ask. “Because you never told me how I could make it up to you last night” he responds. “I already told you—“ you’re cut off. “I got you the Nimbus 2001” he says bringing forth the broom he was hiding behind his back. You gasp, “Draco, this is.. too much! Why would you do this? Are you mad?!” you scream at him as you hold the broom in your hand. “I thought you’d be happy?” he says confused. “I am but I’m not because I’ll never be able to pay you back for this!” you hand the broom back. “I don’t want you to pay me back, I just want you to have it,” he says smiling. “Why?” you ask, extremely confused by his kind gesture. “So that you have no excuse when I win against you!” he laughs and walks away. You’re completely thrown off but your teammates are shouting for you to join them. You run over to share the news, they’re amazed, not only at how great the gift was but amazed at who gave you the gift. 

It was the day of the first match: Slytherins vs Hufflepuffs. “Look y/n, this is going to be a fair game,” Draco says before you go and join your teams. “I’m not gonna let you win on purpose,” he tells you.

 “You don’t have too, I am not going to go easy on you either, I am going to destroy you!” you scoff. You shake hands and head off. 

Slytherin has a lead, a pretty big lead, your team is struggling and you know their only hope right now is for you to catch the snitch. You’re scanning the sky and squinting your eyes hoping to find the flying snitch. You catch a glimpse of the snitch and dart in its direction, Draco follows behind, looking for the snitch you found first. You push Draco away and try to lead him the wrong direction. You turn quickly and reach your arm out to catch the snitch, Draco is trailing behind, desperately trying to catch up. You catch the snitch and the crowd becomes loud, cheering your name. It was the first game Hufflepuff won against the Slytherins in years. Your team huddles around you and celebrates. 

A party is planned to celebrate the big win, everyone is invited. The Slytherins obviously decline, upset at their loss, you figure one Slytherin might be interested. “Want to come to the party tonight?” you invite Draco. “I’m not really much of a party person, but is it really a party if Hufflepuffs are hosting?” he says accepting your offer. 

Everyone is out of their school uniforms, wearing something casual. Draco walks in wearing all black and is thrown off by how many drunk people are in attendance. You approach him, “I thought you weren’t going to come anymore” you say slurring your words, hugging the confused boy. He awkwardly chuckles as you walk with your hand around his neck. “Want a drink?” you offer, “Depends, how many did you have?” he asks. “Uhhh, like 7!” you giggle taking another sip, “this will be number 8.” you add on. “Sure,

I’ll have one drink” he grabs a cup and begins drinking. 

“I’m so tired” you whisper in his ear. “Do you need help getting to your bed?” he asks. You nod and he wraps his hand around your waist to help you get to your room. You lay on your bed and Draco begins walking out, “Don’t leave” you ask. “What’s wrong?” he asks, kneeling besides you. “I said I was tired, not sleepy. You just got here, talk to me.” you say smiling at him. He smiles back at you, “You know, I let you win” he joked. You laughed, “As if!” 

“I would’ve won the game if you weren’t so distracting” he said twirling your hair. You furrow your eyebrows, “What did I do?” you ask. “Nothing, you’re just so pretty it’s hard to focus” he says, giving you a warm smile. “Why are you saying this to me, Draco?” you ask, confused by him being so loving. “Because you won’t remember this in the morning, sweetheart. You are far too plastered” he says. Your heart flutters when he calls you sweetheart. “I will Draco, I will remember” you tell him, as his hand caresses your face. You yawn and stretch your arms, “Sleepy now?” he asks, you nod and he stands up. “Goodnight y/n” he kisses your forehead and turns the light off as he leaves your dorm. You’re going to remember this, there’s no way you could ever forget how Draco just made you feel.

[ongreenergrasses]

good morning gays ladies theydies and variations thereupon! i'm on the overnight and as i'm naturally procrastinating my homework, i decided to clean out my likes and realized that @lilolilyr tagged me in this forever ago and i just....never did it. my bad lilo, i'm doing it now!

Rules: Tag 9 people (or as many as you want) you’d like to know/catch up with

Last song: Driver's License by Olivia Rodrigo, but i will also take this opportunity to say that i've had _juno's album _BCN626 on repeat for days

Last movie: i'm sorry to report that it's exactly what you'd all expect based on this blog, but on this last rewatch i admittedly don't remember much because i was consumed by grief and shitfaced on g&ts with the best friend. (it was the old guard, in case anyone is unclear.) however! my girl and i are going to watch the princess diaries 1 and 2 on friday for date night

Last series: i'm watching Say I Do in another tab on my computer as we speak, but i've also been working my way through Married At First Sight. i'm gonna blame this on the grief again kgwkgwwgwn

Currently reading: so between my hell work schedule and going to school full time simultaneously, i haven't had a lot of free time to read these days. as the old guard big bang keeps rolling out i've been reading through those fics on ao3, you can find the collection here if you are interested. in terms of books, i just finished Peter Singer's The Most Good You Can Do for one of my classes and it sent me into a towering rage. i do not recommend.

Currently craving: sleep would be great! i also forgot my second thermos of coffee at home so i'm craving that, also this deep exfoliator from sephora because my maskne is back due to insane work hours. also craving some motivation, and hoping for some grace and peace.

@salzundhonig @the-maidofmischief @anosrepasi @ragequilt @quietlyunassuming and anyone else who sees this and wants to do it, feel free!

[keig-hoe-takami]

Chapter 2

Chapter 1

MASTERLIST

‘Did you get in?’ Mina all but screamed down the phone, ‘Please tell me ‘rou, please!’

‘Yes, I got in.’ Ichirou replied as calmly as possible, laughing at her friends impatience.

‘YES! I’m so excited I cant believe it. We’re gonna be hero’s Chirou!’

‘I know, I’m excited too- did you talk to Kiri?’ Ichirou responded, smiling warmly at the thought

‘Not yet- do you wanna call him now?’ Mina asked,

‘We better had, I’m sure we’ve all got i-‘

As if on cue, the dark haired boy stormed through Ichirou’s door, running towards her with a huge smile on his face.

‘Kiri what are you doing?!’ The confused girl exclaimed as she was pulled into a crushing hug.

‘I did it- I got in, did you?’ Kiri barely breathed as he questioned his friend, looking around the room for her acceptance letter.

‘Yes, I did Kiri- Mina too,’ Ichirou smiled at the excited boy, holding her phone up to his face as Mina waved at him.

‘This is so cool, I think I’m gonna die.’ Kiri cried, finally sitting down on Ichirou’s desk chair,

‘Me too Kiri- Mina we’ll come see you later okay?’ Mina held up a peace sign as she ended the call, Ichirou turned her attention to the exhausted Kirishima, “This is exciting, huh?’

‘Just exciting? This is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.’ Kiri put his head in his hands in disbelief,

‘Sorry Kiri,’ Ichirou was excited too- the girl had burst into tears when she had opened the message from All Might- but her brain couldn’t help overthinking the next few years of her life and how hard she’d have to work to become the thing she’d always dreamed of being. She new it would be hard and she was willing to work for it but- what if in the end it wasn’t worth it? What if she wasn’t good enough for the real thing?

‘Hey,’ Kiri pulled her from her thoughts, ‘I know that face, you’re going to be fine.’

‘You’ve known me too long.’ Ichirou replied, not addressing Kiri’s pointed reassurance,

‘I’ve known you long enough to know you’re going to do great, you’ll be an amazing hero.’ The boy persisted, poking his friend in the side,

‘Thanks Kiri. You’re gonna be amazing to- better than Crimson Riot.’

‘Hey- too far, no one will ever be as good as Crimson.’ Kiri joked, narrowing his eyes, Ichirou laughed at her best friends adoration of the old hero.

‘Alright then ‘Red Riot’, lets go see Mina.’ Ichirou said, pulling the boy to his feet,

‘Hey, I kinda like that one.’ Kiri smiled at his friends attempt to make fun of him,

‘Urghh, shut up. You’re not supposed to like my nicknames.’ The girl rolled her eyes, heading out of her room,

‘Whatever you say, puppy.’ Kiri followed his friend out the door.

‘Kiri? Is that you?’ Mina shouted out to the spiky head of red hair ahead of the two girls,

‘oh, hey guys,’ The newly dyed head of Kirishima turned to look at the girls coming towards him,

‘What the hell Kiri, I literally saw you the other day!’ Ichirou exclaimed in shock, ‘What did you do to yourself?’ She brought a hand to her mouth as they finally caught up with him,

‘I dyed it. Look, just don’t tell anyone, okay?’ Kiri replied seriously,

‘Oh I am so using this as blackmail- you have to do all my homework or I’ll tell everyone you wanted to look cool for high school.’ Mina said when she finally stopped laughing at the irritated red head,

‘Don’t even think about it.’ Kiri furrowed his brow in annoyance,

‘Whatever!’ Mina stuck her tongue out at him,

‘Well I think you look cool Kiri.’ Ichirou intervened before the two declared war on each other, ‘You look just like him.’

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about puppy, I just wanted a change before high school.’ The boy narrowed his eyes at her, though she could tell he was silently begging her not to tell Mina he had modelled his hairstyle off his favourite hero,

‘Sure you don’t Red Riot.’ Ichirou said pointedly,

‘Oh my god guys, I can see it!’ Mina cried out excitedly as they turned the corner. The UA high school came into full view. Ichirou’s heart began hammering in her chest, her tail began swiping rapidly behind her.

‘You’re gonna take my eye out, puppy.’ Kiri winced as he was hit in the face by the strong, fluffy whip.

‘Sorry guys! I’m just excited!’ Ichirou apologised, grabbing at her tail to calm it down, Mina giggled at her friends excitement,

‘Come on, lets go!’ Mina grabbed at Ichirou’s hand, pulling her into a run as they approached the huge glass building.

‘1-A, its here!” Kiri shouted back to the girls. Unlike the other two, Kiri hadn’t stopped running when they reached the school building; his excitement had gotten the better of him. Ichirou threw him a thumbs up as her and Mina finally caught up.

‘Open it then, dummy.’ Mina said,

‘I’m kinda nervous.’ Kiri replied, looking up at the huge door,

‘I’ll open it then,’ Mina rolled her eyes, dragging Ichirou with her as she opened the door,

The sight inside was somewhat underwhelming, not that the three friends should have expected anything else except a regular classroom. Ichirou’s eyes narrowed, there was something weird about the room, a strong smell filled her nose, one she wasn’t a fan of. Cats.

A few students had arrived early including the two boys Ichirou had rescued at the entrance exam and some others Ichirou hadn’t met yet.

‘Hey! Sato!’ Kaminari exclaimed, waving the students over to him,

‘Hey Kaminari- how are you?’ Ichirou smiled at the boy as she led Kiri and Mina over to him and the short purple headed boy with him,

‘I’m pretty good- how cool is this huh?’ He replied, eyes gleaming,

‘It’s awesome. Oh, this is Kirishima and Mina, they’re my friends from middle school.’ Ichirou introduced her friends,

‘Best friends!’ Mina chimed in, giggling,

‘Well hey, I’m Denki Kaminari. Its so cool you all got in the same school- especially UA.’ Kaminari exclaimed, surprised at the luck of the three friends,

‘Yeah its totally cool.’’ Kirishima said, Ichirou could tell he liked Denki, hopefully the two would become friends,

‘Nice hair by the way, bro.’ Kaminari noted, gesturing to the spikes on to of Kiri’s head, Ichirou could practically taste the pride radiating off the boy, she shared an amused look with Mina

‘Thanks man, yours is cool too. You know, with that stripe’ Kiri replied, slightly flustered, pointing to the zigzag of black through Kaminari’s blond hair,

Suddenly, the door was kicked open aggressively, causing every students’ head to turn. The ash blond boy Ichirou had argued with stormed in, assessing the room. His eyes met Ichirou’s for a moment, a moment long enough for him to bare his teeth and almost growl at the girl in anger- seriously who was the wolf here? And how the fuck was he so angry at like 7 in the morning?

‘Woah, whose that?’ Kirishima whispered as the brash boy sat himself down in a random seat, putting his legs on the desk.

‘He was in our group.’ Kaminari replied,

‘Yeah, he called me a runt.’ Ichirou groaned. ‘But he was so good, of course he got in.’

‘Poor puppy.’ Kiri patronised, ruffling her head as he so often did.

‘Shut up, weirdo. Just don’t talk to him, I don’t like him.’ Ichirou lied through her teeth, fuck he still looked hot.

‘I think he looks pretty cute. Bad boy type.’ Mina replied

‘He’s not cute. Don’t say that.’ Ichirou whipped her head round to face her friend, becoming embarrassingly territorial, another downside to her quirk. Ichirou decided to blame it on the damn cats, making her wolf senses act up.

‘Okay, I’m sorry.’ Mina put her hands up, slyly raising her eyebrows at Kirishima, who tried unsuccessfully to stifle a laugh, having to disguise it as a cough.

‘Whatever, look more people are here, lets go say hi.’ Ichirou said, practically dragging her friends, poor Kaminari included, around the groups.

‘A quirk assessment test?!’ The whole class exclaimed in confusion, Ichirou included, it was only their first day but already they were being trialed to examine their weaknesses.

‘What about the entrance ceremony? The orientation?’ Cried a petite, brown haired girl in anguish. She was clearly feeling just as nervous as Ichirou at the thought of being tested in front of the whole class so early on.

‘If you’re going to become a hero, you don’t have time for such leisurely events.’ Their dishevelled homeroom teacher, Mr Aizawa mumbled his reply, barely looking back at the girl. ‘UA’s selling point is how unrestricted its school traditions are, that’s also how teachers run their classes.’ He continued, finally turning towards his baffled students, ‘You kids have been doing these since junior high, too, right? Physical fitness tests where you weren’t allowed to use your quirks.’ He held up his phone to reveal the categories to the students. If it was just like junior high, perhaps this is going to be easy- Ichirou thought to herself as she scanned the crowd of her fellow pupils,‘The country still uses averages taken from results for students not using their quirks. It’s not rational. Well, the Ministry of Education is procrastinating. Bakugou,’ The strange man suddenly turned to the blond dummy stood at the front of the group. Finally, there was a name to that irritating face, ‘you finished at the top of the practical exam, right? Of course he had, Ichirou rolled her eyes as other students gawked at the boy in amazement. ‘In junior high, what was your best result for the softball throw?’ Aizawa continued,

’67 meters.’ Bakugou replied, looking towards the floor,

‘Then, try doing it with your quirk.’ Aizawa suggested, the meaning of this test was becoming clear, their teacher wanted to understand how adaptable their quirks were, as well as weaknesses. ‘You can do whatever you want as long as you stay in the circle. Hurry up, give it all you’ve got.’

Bakugou began to stretch, mumbling to himself about god knows what (probably some unnecessary rude remark) before he planted his feet in position and prepared to throw the softball.

‘DIE!!!’ He screamed at the top of his lungs as he launched the ball into the air using his boisterous quirk to create momentum. Ichirou stifled a laugh at her classmates looks of shock towards Bakugou’s manner, after fighting alongside him- though she used that term loosely- Ichirou wasn’t as surprised at the fact that the boy definitely didn’t sound like a wanna-be hero.

‘Know your own maximum first,’ Aizawa said as he learnt the distance the ball had traveled, ‘that is the most rational way to form the foundation of a hero,’ He held up his phone, the screen read 705 meters. Holy shit- Ichirou may not have gotten off on the best foot with Bakugou but she could appreciate that he had an amazing quirk, no matter how much it burst her eardrums.

‘What is this! It looks like fun!!’ An astounded Mina turned to Ichirou, grabbing her by the shoulder and bouncing,

‘We can use our quirks as much as we want! As expected from the hero course!’ A black haired boy next to Kirishima exclaimed.

‘It looks fun, huh?’ Aizawa mumbled, Ichirou placed her hand on top of Mina’s as a warning, ‘You have three years to become a hero. Will you have an attitude like that the whole time?’ Mina’s face went white with the expectation of being punished on the first day of school, ‘All right, Whoever comes in last place in all eight tests will be judged to have no potential and will be punished with expulsion.’ An evil smirk plastered the tired mans face as he turned to fully face his class. Ichirou’s eyes widened- expelled! On the first day of school? Suddenly everything became more serious, eyes narrowed in determination and fists clenched, nobody was willing to just back down. The equally determined girl braced her body, tail bristling in anticipation. She wasn’t going to lose. Not yet.

Ichirou looked over to the frog- like girl crouched besides her, her now glowing red eyes narrowing as she let the possessive, competitive wolf inside of her free. Her hands braced the ground beneath her as she positioned herself as low as possible, hoping to use little energy to complete the 50 meter sprint. The shot sounded and Ichirou leapt into action, arms burning as she pushed herself from the ground, legs pounding as she raced towards the line, barely thinking as she tried desperately to stay in her lane- controlling her wolfish traits was often difficult in open planes like this, her mind begging her to run off into the distance.

‘3.76 seconds’ a robotic voice caused Ichirou to stop abruptly, rubbing at her temples in slow, circular motions to regain control of herself.

‘You okay there puppy?’ Kirishima asked, ‘Need to go for walkies?’ he jested, before noticing that the colour of the girls eyes was still red,

‘Just got to go grab my lead.’ Ichirou replied sarcastically, words muffled by her now protruding canines,

‘Hey you did really good though.’ The red head reassured her, ruffling her ears and pulling her into his shoulder, ‘Plus Mina’s up next so just chill out and watch.’

Waiting for Mina’s race to begin, Ichirou looked around at the other people who had also finished their races. Her heart fluttered embarrassingly as her eyes met a pair of flashing red ones staring right back at her, an action that seemed to be recurring, though this time, there was no baring of teeth or narrowed eyes. He was just looking at her, with such intensity it could have been a glare, but Ichirou felt her cheeks warm up again, unable to turn away. She didn’t know what to do, they’d held eye contact for so long it almost felt wrong to look away, and she knew even after only knowing him for this small amount of time that Bakugou was not one to back down from a challenge. Decisively, the girl smiled at him, fangs peaking out of her lips, feeling as if it was the only rational thing to do. Apparently she was wrong, the boys eyebrows raised into his hairline as his entire face turned almost as red as his eyes, he looked away quickly, turning his attention back to the race and leaving the poor girl completely astounded.

The rest of the test had gone well. Ichirou hadn’t come last in any of the activities so far and had won the long distance run by a mile which meant she was saved from expulsion no matter what happened. She couldn’t say the same for some of her other classmates- most importantly a green haired boy she had heard Bakugou calling Deku who had only used his quirk during the ball throw.

‘Okay, I’ll quickly tell you the results. The total is simply the marks you got from each test.’ Aizawa explained, ‘It’s a waste of time to explain verbally, so I’ll show you the results all at once. The person with the lowest total score will be expelled.’ Aizawa pressed a button on his phone and the results were revealed to the hopeful students.

Ichirou searched for her name, 7th – Ichirou Sato followed closely behind by her friends. She turned to the two with a smile as Kirishima gave a thumbs up.

‘By the way, I was lying about the expulsion’ Aizawa said offhandedly, everyone’s jaws dropped, eyes widening, ‘It was a rational deception to draw out the upper limits of your Quirks.’

‘Of course it was a lie,’ The winner of the test, Momo, said, taking in everyone’s shocked expressions, ‘It should have been obvious if you just thought it through.’ Ichirou hadn’t even noticed how absurd it would be to expel a student on the first day.

‘That was pretty nerve wrecking, huh.’ A black haired boy turned to Kirishima,

‘I’ll take up the challenge anytime!’ he replied, causing Ichirou to laugh at his new and improved manliness. Bakugou turned to her at the sound, eyebrows drawn in as they had been since Deku had used his quirk. Ichirou responded by raising an eyebrow in question, to which Bakugou turned away eyes rolling as he crossed his arms, Ichirou mirrored him, feeling equally as confused as before.

‘With that we’re done here. There are handouts with the curriculum and such in the classroom so when you get back, look over them.’ Aizawa mumbled, turning to leave his class,

‘That was pretty wild, huh puppy?’ Kirishima nudged the girl as they headed back to class,

‘Yeah, I cant believe he lied to us!’ Ichirou replied, kicking at the sand beneath their feet,

‘Hey, would you watch out!’ Mina covered her face dramatically,

‘Sorry pinky.’ Ichirou apologised,

‘It’s okay, we did really good guys! I’m so glad no one was expelled.’ Mina exclaimed as the three began walking, ‘And did you see Momo! She’s so cool, I think she was one of the recommendations.’

‘Yeah she was so good!’ Ichirou replied,

‘I wonder if she’ll be friends with us.’ Mina sighed,

‘What do you mean? Everybody likes you, we’re gonna be friends with everyone!’ Kirishima reassured as they entered the building to get changed.

tag list : @jazzylove

[vapcrwaves]

━♡ guess the 24 YEAR OLD JULY baby just arrived to dallyeog! it makes sense, because AOKI IMOJEN is just as BLAZING as the month of JULY. wait, why do they remind me of HIRAI MOMO? beyond that, they seemed SELF-RELIANT & BUOYANT upon first glance. i heard someone say they’re sort of INSURGENT & RECKLESS though. i hope they get acquainted here in COMPLEX # 3 / APARTMENT # 2 / FLOOR # 2 ; they seem to have a lot going on with HER job as TATTOO ARTIST / BASSIST. 

bonjour , y’all !! my name’s jade ( she/her , twenty-one , gmt+8 ) !! and i’m super excited to meet and write with everyone !! this is my spunky kid , imojen , and i hope you’ll come to enjoy her as much as i did writing everything about her :D if you wanna plot , do not fret because i’ll be dropping in everyone��s IMs hehe , but if you prefer to plot over at discord , don’t hesitate to tell me !! <3 

*   𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖑𝖔𝖌𝖚𝖊   ╱  ʙᴀꜱɪᴄꜱ   .

name  :  aoki imojen  nicknames  :  yoki , jen . age  :  twenty - four . birthday  :  july 27 , 1996 . zodiac  :  leo sun , aquarius moon , sagittarius rising . place of birth  :  tokyo , japan . currently living  :  seoul , south korea . occupation  :  tattoo artist , bassist . pronouns  :  she / her . orientation  :  bisexual biromantic . ethnicity  :  japanese .  spoken languages  :   japanese , korean , english .  character insp.  :  kat stratford from 10 things i hate about you , bridget vreeland from sisterhood of traveling pants , effy stonem from skins uk , young carol rhodes from gossip girl tv series , rhonda smith , mia’s backstory from if i stay . label  /  tropes  :  hoyden , icarian , insurgent , reveller , the rebellious spirit . pinterest  :  here .  aesthetics  :   scared of commitment , but has 7 tattoos. a habit of endlessly lighting a lighter. platform boots to boost your height. but then again, sneakers for comfort while running from the cops. forgetting to discard empty cigarette packets from your bomber jacket. spilling your fifth espresso onto your drawings and designs , maybe it’s time to sleep. a frightening look on your face which millennials like to call a resting bitch face. the heat ruining your collection of leather jackets. finding comfort in your friends who seem to understand your mood swings. having a pet cat who’s as feisty as you. spontaneous adventures live inside your head and your friends fall victim to those ideas. liking the rays of the sun more than the moon despite being a night owl. oversleeps anyway. trimming your bangs yourself because you couldn’t be bothered to go to the salon. overcooking your sunny side up eggs. sleeping to forget problems. drinking to forget problems. epitome of a ride or die. 

*  𝖋𝖎𝖗𝖘𝖙 𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗    ╱  ᴘᴀꜱᴛ   .

aoki imojen was born to understand what it was to live a life with no structure. her father was part of a rising band in the 90s, toured all over small venues in japan that they slowly rose to a known local name, and imojen has seen all the chaos unfold from backstage in the arms of her mom. however, slowly transitioning into the year of 2000s, the economy was still struggling from the lost decade and the income from touring never sufficed for a growing family. imojen’s father was forced to leave the music scene with the help of her mother’s influence: “it’s time to be serious”; and work multiple jobs in order to fully provide for his first child and the another growing one inside his wife’s womb. 

growing up, imojen’s no stranger to music and her father loved to introduce rock music and bands to imojen’s upbringing. she adored b’z and the gazette, and it leaves no doubt that imojen’s father had been her greatest influence in life. as she grew older, not only did they share identical music preferences and influences, but imojen’s learned to play various instruments— the bass being her favorite. imojen’s also stemmed from that infamous reckless behavior his father’s known for back in the day, and when the teenage years came, so did the impetuous reputation begin. 

imojen and her mother aren’t exactly as close as she was with her father. in fact, their relationship was a toe out of the civil line. it got worse when imojen started to focus on the band she created with friends instead of school and late night practices turned to never returning home for a few days and having the audacity to blatantly lie when asked where she was when asked. it’s hard not to blame her mother when she assumed things for the worst. imojen’s gone quite defiant especially when she discovered that her and her father’s relationship had began to run askew. imojen blames her mother’s interference with her father’s music career as much as her father did, she loved him so much that she was completely blindsided to always take his side. and when the divorce papers came and went, imojen chose her father as she always would. 

her father got a job as a musician locally and eventually overseas, however, money didn’t come by so fast and easy initially. instead of going to university, imojen invested in learning the arts in tattoo design and worked as a tattoo artist to help with the bills. the pair finally thought to settle in korea when imojen’s father got a permanent job. and at this time, imojen has decided to try pursue a career as a musician as well, hoping that the thrill in her early band days are still well stored in her system. 

*  𝖘𝖊𝖈𝖔𝖓𝖉 𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗    ╱  ᴘʀᴇꜱᴇɴᴛ   .

imojen can never be satisfied of living in the same area for so long, or at least under the roof with the watchful eye of her father. work’s payed well and imojen decided to move out and get an apartment of her own. hence, she found dallyeog, parties almost every single day, drags everyone into spontaneous adventures, comes home terribly drunk and wakes up with a huge hangover—well, still pretty normal. aside from the norm, imojen working at the tattoo parlor and taking gigs at bars as a bassist, imojen’s investing in writing music as well. she hopes one day to finally finish at least one song she’s been procrastinating for far too long and convince her father to make them a rock duo instead, but a band of her own would fantastic too.  

*  𝖙𝖍𝖎𝖗𝖉 𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗    ╱  ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀ   .

imojen looks quite mean at first glance, and it doesn’t help that she’s indifferent towards anyone who isn’t part of already her friend. she doesn’t hate, hate is such a strong word, she simply doesn’t have the attention span for people that don’t interest her or she doesn’t know fully well to enjoy a conversation with.

honestly has the gina linetti energy “how was i supposed to know there’d be consequences for my actions” as she literally does anything she wants before her brain can even weigh the pros and cons to it.

imojen enjoys taking risks despite the relaxed attitude and seemingly nonchalant view in life. it might be a surprise to learn that she’s quite ambitious, but underneath, she does aim for the highs (both meanings) in life, except there isn’t exactly a time frame for those and would much rather pursue them steadily. 

everyone can depend on imojen to have a good time, or if someone needed a friend to vent to, she can surprisingly be all ears, but never follow her words of advice. she does mean well, it’s just that she doesn’t know what she’s saying half the time and is quite reckless,, like ask her to pick between two choices and she’ll advice you to take the riskier one bc “it’s fun don’t be a prude”.

she is more sympathetic than she let on. imojen’s not very vocal especially with her emotions and on what she exactly feels about other people’s situation. serious conversations? catch her yeet away from those. they render her uncomfortable, most especially if it is about her. however, seeing her friends gloomy doesn’t sit right with her that she does anything to make them crack a smile. 

believes that people should be left to roam free and that authority is useless and ruins the fun— hence why she’d always be caught defying them. yes, she uses her brain, but acts more towards intuition and what she felt like doing that day. so yes, she might loves setting her life on the line.

*   𝖋𝖔𝖚𝖗𝖙𝖍 𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗   ╱  ᴡᴀɴᴛᴇᴅ ᴄᴏɴɴᴇᴄᴛɪᴏɴꜱ .

plastic hearts   ╱   someone whom imojen shares a passion for music with. the both of you are like peas in a pod as you both are in the same wavelengths as each other. they may not have the same types of music, but open enough to share a plethora of music playlists.

angels like you   ╱   the typical bad-good influence trope wherein imojen’s reckless behavior and liberated thoughts on legalities have gotten your muse in various dangerous but fun adventures. on a flip, your muse may be the reason why imojen’s woken up at 8 in the morning, bright, well, and not hungover.

prisoner   ╱   an angsty and toxic relationship that imojen could not get enough of. everyone sees this partnership (romantic or platonic) of destructive nature, both of you may or may not know, but regardless it can never be broke off no matter how hard both try. 

gimme what i want   ╱   the typical fwb relationship, we can add spice to it, but on the base that’s the idea. 

night crawling   ╱   imojen’s ride or die, the person she would instantly run to for an adventure, midnight strolls, alcohol escapades, and vandalism. but as things you both do burst into haywire, you’re both aren’t afraid to be open to each other too and spill secrets or bodies hidden in the closet. 

midnight sky   ╱   perhaps a new acquaintance?? friend?? that doesn’t exactly have a first good impression of imojen?? maybe vomited on your muse the first time they met, or jen was really mean for no reason under the influence of alcohol?? she’s chaotic so perhaps it wasn’t a good first meeting. 

bad karma   ╱   imojen hasn’t been exactly an angel all her life, and perhaps karma has run around to bite her in her ass. your muse might’ve been somebody who hurt imojen; either a terrible break up or severing trust, let’s explore :D 

golden g string    ╱   a band :D maybe nothing too serious, just a group of pals playing and making music together :D  or maybe the group's been playing gigs for awhile now and wants to head into the big leagues :D

honestly im so down with anything so !!!!!!

[hot-boy-jimin]

Airplane Mode

synopsis: you somehow befriend your favorite idol on the plane ride back home, in a strange turn of events the pair of you would have grown closer than either of you would have ever thought, and you couldn't be more terrified.

idol!jiminxreader

genre(s): romance, fluff, angst, comedy, eventual smut

warnings: mentions of self harm, racism, discrimination, bad comedy, unprotected sex, tooth rotting fluff, swearing, a shit ton of angst.

part one

You were running late as always, never being one to pack ahead even though you had booked your flight three weeks ago. Your procrastination lead to running towards the gate of the plane with your backpack in hand, the flight attendant looked at you with wide eyes and you couldn’t blame her. You could only imagine how crazy you looked with your kinky hair bouncing frantically as you ran. You let out deep breaths as you handed her your ticket and she took it with a knowing smile and you nodded your head in understanding as you headed to your seat. You were riding first class as usual, and you had found your seat with the help of a flight attendant.

“Thank you.” you had looked around to see who you be sitting next to, it was a older woman who scowled at you and looked you up and down. This caused your expression to turn sour as you realized she didn't want you next to her.

She looked away and turned to the man next to her who you assumed to be her husband and spoke.

“Looks like they’re letting anyone in this section.” Little did the lady know, you were fluent in Korean, so understood her words perfectly.

“Looks like it, aye?” you said it loud enough for her to hear and she looked at you with her cheeks aflame in embarrassment.

“Excuse me!” you called for the flight attendant who came to you with a pleasant smile on her face.

“Yes miss?”

“Can I switch seats please?” you asked 

“Only if someone is willing.” 

“Excuse me?” You both turned and looked into the direction of the other passenger who spoke. You couldn’t make out his features as he had on a beanie that was covering his hair, a mask, and a pair of sunglasses, but from his pronunciation you knew he wasn't an native English speaker.

The flight attendant excused herself and went to the man, you fidgeted awkwardly as she could feel the old lady bore holes into her back. Luckily the flight attendant came back with good news.

“He was kind enough to offer you the seat next to him.” You smile and said thank you before heading to your new seat.

“Thank you so much.” you said to the mysterious man. He simply bowed his head in response, without replying you sat down. After the plane started moving you pulled out your laptop and earpods and opened up your Netflix so could catch up on your shows you were missing out on due to your college work. About twenty minutes into the first episode of stranger things, you felt a soft tap on your shoulder. You turned to the guy next to you and you felt your heart race as he had removed the mask and sunglasses, you couldn’t believe your eyes and he too figured out that you were a fan of his.

“I’m sorry” you said as you thought you had made him uncomfortable with your staring.

“It’s okay, can I watch with you?” he asked softly. You were surprised at his question, but you have felt bad if you had denied him after he had offered you a seat. you took out one of the earpods and placed it into his right ear. 

~third person POV~

Jimin had gotten angry as he watched the scene unfold with you and the old lady. He couldn't understand how people could be so awful for no reason, and he couldn't understand how someone could be you. Even though he had known for like thirty minutes, he could tell that you were kind, don't ask him how he knew that, but he could just tell by the aura you had. he was hardly focusing on the screen before him as he kept stealing glances at you, he admired your side profile, the way your cheekbones sat perfectly, to the beautiful color of your smooth skin, and you hair that sat atop of your head like a halo. You must’ve  felt his gaze as you turned to face him, which caused his cheeks to flush as you locked eyes with him. 

“You okay?” your voice was smooth like silk and he could help but wonder how you learned his native language so well.

“what’s your name?” he asked as he realized he didn't know anything about you, not even your name.

“Y/N.” 

“nice to meet you, Y/N.” he replied as he enjoyed the way your name rolled off of his tongue.

“likewise.” 

“Aren’t me for my name?” his voice was full of mirth as he held a playful smile on his face. He watched as you tried to hide your smile and couldn't help but laugh at your expression. his laughter must’ve been too loud as the old lady from earlier loudly shushed him, they looked at each other and snickered silently. After their fit of laughter they went into conversation, telling the other something about themselves, the two had been so engrossed into the series that was playing in front of them and getting to know each other better that the 12 hour flight flew by swiftly.

Jimin was shocked when he heard the flight attendant announced that they had arrived at their destination, but his body soon felt the strain of being up for twelve hours straight as he felt his eyes start to become dreary. When he looked at you he saw that you were dozing off and he couldn't stop the tired smile that started to form on his face as he watched you sat abruptly when your head had lulled a little too far to the side. His smile soon disappeared as he realized he might not be able to see you again, it made him feel sad, you were the first person apart from his members that he had made a genuine connection with, and he didn't want to lose that.

~

You had just exited the plane along with the other passengers, you had felt disappointed as the pink haired man was no longer in your eyeshot. He was pulled away by his manger as he and his members all had to leave together, you understood the circumstances, as it would have not been ideal for him to been seen with you since he was a worldwide superstar and you were just a regular girl. That didn't stop him though, because as you were about to get your suitcase you felt a tap on your shoulder and was surprised to see the pink haired man in front of you. 

“Give me your phone.” You rose a brow at his abrupt question but gave it to him anyway. After a few short clicks on your iPhone from Jimin, your phone was shoved into your hand and he before you could blink he was off. You looked into the direction he was heading and saw the rest of his bandmates and some of the staff was also looking in your direction, feeling completely exposed, you turned around and grab your bag, and left the baggage area as quick as possible.

@fairymiana @grapejinnie @kissmekook @bangtan-wallpaper @btssmutgalore @gimmesumsuga

[shitty-reviews-by-me]

“Avatar: The Last Airbender” is one of the best shows I’ve seen

This is your spoiler warning.

Note: I started writing this forever ago when I actually finished the show, but my procrastination is deadly, so I only got through the paragraph on Zuko before waiting like a month to pick it up again. 

Note 2.0: I know that there are comics that continue the series where it left off, but I haven’t read any of them. All of this will be based soley off of atla.

I started watching “Avatar: The Last Airbender” for two reasons. One, I remember seeing parts of episodes here and there as a small child, and I found what I saw intriguing; and two, my boyfriend just really, really loves it. When it showed up in the Netflix Spotlight I knew I was going to watch it, but it ended up taking longer for me to get to it than I originally expected. I procrastinate doing things I want to do just as much as things I don’t, but that’s another story.

I’m going to keep the actual review short. The show has been finished since 2008 and there is probably not much that I can say that hasn’t already been said. Besides that, I mostly just want to talk about my opinions because I have a lot of them.

“Avatar: The Last Airbender” is great on all accounts. All of the characters were interesting and complex. The plot was extremely complex, but easy to understand by anyone, no matter their age. In fact, when I made my grandma watch the first episode, it seemed like she kind of enjoyed it. Of course it is also possible she said that to be nice and was really thinking “what the fuck” the entire time. I haven’t found a single person say they don’t like “Avatar: The Last Airbender,” but maybe I’m not looking hard enough. Honestly I don’t know what else to say, I’m sorry, I just really want to talk about my opinions.

Let’s Talk About Zuko (because I love him)

I mean just look at him. How could he not be your favorite. Zuko is probably the best developed character in atla, and I’ll be honest, I never saw him as a “bad guy.” I mean, he was certainly a villian, but he wasn’t a bad person. In the first few episodes, Zuko is already painted as a sympathetic villian. We learn that as a young teenager his father banished him, sending him into a search for the Avatar. A search that was seemingly destined to fail. It is important to remember that Zuko was a CHILD. His family turned on him and all he wanted was join them again. Zuko’s actions were overall understandable.

Now Let’s Talk About Azula (she deserves better)

Azula doesn’t get as much sympathy as Zuko for obvious reasons. When the show ends her fate isn’t as clear as all the other characters. We get to see Ozai rotting in a cell, but Azula’s last scene is her having a complete mental breakdown after Katara managed to best her in combat. I’m sure the comics cover what happens next for her, but again I haven’t read them.

I’ve seen tons of people calling Azula a psycho, and an irredeemable monster, but I wholeheartedly disagree. Like Zuko she is just a child. She is only fourteen years old when the events of atla take place, and is the product of manipulation and abuse from both of her parents. She deserves a redemtion arc. There are videos and posts that will explain Azula’s psyche better than I ever will be able to, but I’m gonna try anyway.

I would like to make it clear that I do not believe Ozai deserves redemption. He was a grown ass adult who abused and manipulated everyone around him. While Azula also abused and manipulated the people around her, she did so as a child, following her father’s example. In addition to that, we know that Ursa’s belief that Azula was a monster hurt her. Ursa never showed that she believed Azula could be a better person, and therefore why would Azula be choose to be kind and good when her father rewarded the abusive tendencies she developed? One of the big differences between Zuko and Azula’s upbringing is that their mother believed in Zuko. She believed he could do good in the world but failed to show Azula the kindness she showed Zuko.

The cycle of abuse is very real. Pretending that Azula is just some psycho, and not a child following the pattern of behavior she saw growing up is immature. There is no question that she regularly did horrible things, and I don’t even think that her friends, Ty Lee and Mai, or Zuko should forgive her if they don’t want to, but she does deserve a fresh start. Let’s be real, Azula would need a lot of therapy to even get to a place where she could potentially be redeemed or forgiven.

In summary, people need to stop writing Azula off as an irredeemable psycho.

Kataang: Thanks I Hate It (just hear me out, okay)

Kataang vs. Zutara is such a huge debate, and trust me, I’ll get into Zutara, but right now I want to talk about why I don’t like Kataang in a list format.

Their Age Difference-- I think sometimes adults writing teen/preteen characters completely forget what it’s like to actually be those ages. Aang is twelve (I get that he’s technically one hundred and twelve) and Katara is fourteen. While two years really isn’t a big age difference, especially as people get older, it is a little weird when the the people are twelve and fourteen. When I’ve brought up this age difference to people I’ve always heard the argument that Aang is mature for his age and that’s why it works. That is a faulty for a number of reasons. First of all, the claim that someone is mature for their age is used to justify inappropriate relationships by pedophiles all the time. Secondly, it could be argued that Katara is mature for her age as well, so there is no way their maturity is equal. My final point, there’s a good chance Aang hasn’t even gone through puberty yet while Katara is definitely well on her way on that front. Maybe that sounds weird, but males start puberty between the Ages of nine and fourteen, which means there Aang is at a pretty average age to START puberty. Females start puberty between the ages of eight and thirteen which means she’s well on her way. Like I said, puberty sounds like a weird thing to bring up, but a lot of maturity come from going throught puberty.

They Made Such Good Friends-- Aang and Katara had such a good friendship throughout the show. It could have been a great example of a platonic friendship between a straight cis guy and a straight cis girl. Instead we got the male and female lead end up together, just like they do in everything else.

No Evidence of Reciprocated Feeling-- While obviously Katara must like Aang because otherwise she wouldn’t have kissed him, I don’t think there was very much evidence leading up to that moment that Katara had any sort of romantic feelings towards Aang. Throughout the series she says she only sees him as a good friend, almost as a brother. I will admit, there were hints here and there. In the episode The Fortuneteller, Katara is told she’ll marry a powerful bender, and in the end of the episode she realizes that Aang is an extremely powerful bender. In the secret tunnel her and Aang kiss/almost kiss (I can’t remember exactly), and in that moment it seems like maybe she could have feelings for him. Other than various small moments there isn’t a lot of evidence that she liked him. I think the evolution of Katara’s feelings should have gotten more attention because the kiss at the end felt a bit like it was out of nowhere.

It’s A Missed Opportunity-- There are so many cases in real life of cis men thinking their entitled to a romantic relationship with a woman because they’re friends, or she was kind to him once. Because of the young intended audience for the show, it could have been great to show little kids that it’s okay if romantic feelings towards someone aren’t reciprocated, and that it doesn’t have to ruin a friendship. Also that no body is really at fault when that kind of thing happens. It would have been a good lesson but obviously it didn’t go that way.

I haven’s seen it, but I know that in Legend of Korra you find out that Aang and Katara ended up getting married and having children. I think that still could have happened if they ended atla as friends. It could have been them developing feelings for eachother as young adults.

This ship has potential but I wish they did it differently in canon.

Zutara Isn’t Ideal Either

Honestly my biggest problem with this ship is the fact that many of the people who ship it don’t take into accout the fact that they both (particularly Katara) have trauma because of the other person. Zuko spent months hunting down and intimidating the gaang. Like I said he’s redeemed himself but that shouldn’t just brush the terrible things he did under the rug. Katara threatens Zuko’s life when he first joins the gaang, and I can’t blame her for that. She doesn’t know whether or not he’s really changed.

Like Kataang this ship has potential, but it shouldn’t be romantasized beyond the limits of what is possible.

In Summary

(wish i could give credit to whoever drew this but i don’t know who it was)

I could write a book on all of the opinion I have about this spectacular series. However, I’m exhaused and want to go to sleep. I will not be proofreading this, sorry.

Legend of Korra was just put on netflix and I’m sure that once I watch it I’ll have a million more things to say.

I don’t know how to end this, so uh... Peace?

[funkymbtifiction]

Hi guys! I I'm an ENXP and I was looking for some advice about knowing myself better. I saw the mods are ENPs and maybe you guys could help me. I recently noticed a pattern regarding my own actions that is basically ruining my life. I seem to rely too much on my Ne, specially about my future and my career. I'm ruled by a need of pursuing anything that catches my attention in a determined moment. I obsess over it for a while and then move on. I've changed my major 4 times now. Every activity I do is temporary. And if I don't find something I can obsess over I get depressed and bored. Anyways, I think this has led me to not trust myself anymore, since I can't commit to anything because I lose interest in everything and I'm always looking for new possibilities. I have reached a point where I can't allow myself to pursue everything I want and I have to make decisions and commit. But I'm too scared to become trapped and take responsibility for my own decisions. I think this would be easier if I knew myself better, but I don't think I know who I am besides my own random interests, which is weird I guess. How can I develop my own Fi? Or Ti? How do you guys deal with your dominant Ne? How do you commit to things? I'm 23 by the way. Shouldn't I have developed some Fi or Ti or something by now? I turned to mbti because I wanted to gain a better understanding of myself but holy shit this is hard. I could only recognize my dominant Ne. All this self analysis seems useless if I don't really know myself, I realized I'm not self aware at all. So anyways, as fellows Ne doms how did you guys developed your auxiliary functions? Any advice will be amazing! Thank you guys for everything you do here!

The first thing you need to do is recognize is you are an Enneagram 7 and all of this is ‘normal’ for them in lower health levels. To overcome this, you have to ‘grow up’ as a 7 and stop allowing fear of commitment or quick loss of focus from dominating your life. You have control over yourself, you are not utterly helpless to your whims (said the Fi user who has a moral tone of ‘you make your own choices and messes and you have to get out of them’ ;).

7s have to learn to be open to the scary idea of commitment to reap the dividends of hard work.

Read the 7 profile and see how allowing yourself to ‘run away’ from commitment (which includes not finishing or devoting yourself to any project) can hinder your life. Once you recognize WHAT you are doing, and WHY you are doing it, you can develop the power to STOP YOURSELF from doing it, or from allowing ‘excuses’ or fear to run you away from good things.

ENTP Mod. : Charity is right. Here is also where the judging functions come into play. With Fi, you can eventually weed out that which you aren't personally passionate about/ those goals which don't align with your personal values. With Ti, you can see a chain reaction of the patterns in your life, and determine the most effective path to help yourself using logic to streamline your processes, make it more elegant.

Slow the hell down. Force yourself to stop running toward the future and live right now. Repeat the mantra of ‘right now is all that matters today’ a 100 times an hour if you have to. Be present. Be invested. Bring yourself into ‘now.’

My co-mod is a 7w6 ENTP who suffers from a lot of the same issues; I will nudge her to offer her two cents to this post, in regards as to what she is currently doing about it. Basically, she had to talk herself into getting a permanent job rather than talking herself out of it. Once she got into it, she realized it didn’t suck as much as she feared. Her brain is her own worst enemy.

I had to talk myself into this job. I gave myself lots of reasons why I would love it. It might sound a little unrealistic going in with pre set expectations but at least you will not go in blind. Making a pros cons list is always a good idea. It helps to sift through your multiple ideas, and narrow down the ones which can really work. Test out the feasibility of your ideas, opportunities before hand. Talk to people, do your research. Just remember that things will never be as bad or boring as you think them to be. This is a cliche but something which helps me in the mornings when I know I have boring work to do is "Get up, dress up, show up. Never give up." Also it helps to live from day to day. Don't worry too far into the future, you never know what variables might upset your plans.

Work-wise, a 7 needs to travel, get the ‘high’ of meeting new people, and not to be involved in sheer detail-driven grunt work. They need challenges to work toward and obstacles to overcome. Pick a career that offers you all of that. If you do not, you will have a string of 6 months at ___ jobs that do not look good on your resume. Find a career in something that you feel passionate about, that offers some kind of mental stimulation.

ENTP 7 co-mod is an attorney who loves to find ways to ‘get around things’ in the law.

ENTP Mod. note: Always try to remember the root of your passion when you feel like defecting from one option to another. If you must leave, leverage what you have learned in one place and how you can dress that up to make your hopping about look good. That's what I did, and it worked for me. Some of the reasons I love my job are the constant intellectual stimulation, creative aspects of it, my love for criminology pays off, meeting interesting people. Sure there are sucky days when you have to deal with the bureaucratic demons. But that won't be every day. Unless your role requires you to do something like it. In which case I would suggest that you avoid picking up detail heavy, low Si or adherence related work which will make you feel miserable and frustrated. Try to pick something that plays to your strengths, improve your weaknesses. Compete with nobody but yourself. Every day you are better than you were, yesterday. Even with a little effort. It is important to not give up. It is so hard for 7s but we have the gift of rationalizing. So instead of using it as a mechanism to justify dropping things, use it to tell yourself why you should stick around. You as a 7 can make most things fun. So find little tricks and ways to make the work day fun. Whether it is achieving small, impactful targets or making games out of small, low stakes things. Also, having money and being able to live nicely is fun. Nobody is gonna pay you if they think that their money will be wasted on training you if your pattern is just leaving jobs. It took me a long time to develop this perspective but I am glad I did.

I (ENFP 6w5 sp/so) chose a career in magazine editing, because it gives me time to do what I actually love, which is write novels. I’m afraid I can’t give you advice from my own life that would work for you, because a 6w5 sp/so is far more focused and driven to finish their projects than a 7w6, which means I push through ‘the boring, tedious bits’ of projects regardless of how ‘excited’ I am. It’s not fun to edit a book 7 times, but I still do it. I force myself to show up to work, to sit there for 3 or 4 hours, and commit to X amount of words, pages, etc.

Do you think it’s “fun” for me always to keep this queue stocked, or to type up characters at the end of a long day because the queue is low? Or go back and update old profiles and move them from this blog onto wordpress? No. I hate it sometimes. It’s boring as hell. But I committed to it, I will see it through, even though looking into my “to update” folder makes me want to scream. I tackle huge projects one step at a time. I’m disciplined but I can procrastinate at work, rather than doing whatever needs doing.

Which really is the bottom line. You want to finish things? Just do them. Force yourself to show up and do the work, even if it’s “boring.” Most of life isn’t fun. Paying the bills isn’t fun. You do boring stuff to make a living, so you can have the money to do fun things. If you do not learn to do it, whether or not it is fun, you will wind up ‘stuck at home this month, because I have no money.’

That frustrates a 7 even more than being bored at work.

Accept that your fear of commitment is a fear-driven lie.

You are not going to get trapped by committing to something or someone. Head types massively over-think things and allow fear – in the 7’s case of “missing out” on better things – to dominate their life. Admit it’s fear. Admit that allowing fear to ruin your entire life is stupid. Then do something against the fear. Do the thing fear tells you not to: commit and work at it. Fight the urge every day to leave. Stick it out, and prove you ‘can’ to yourself.

Middle functions. You’re in college so you should be seeing either some Ti analyzing or Te “buckle down and set goals and get this schoolwork finished by the deadline” kicking in. Are you more inclined to self-doubt and beat yourself up like a young FiTe user after ‘failing’ to organize your time efficiently or to make excuses and blame external circumstances like a young TiFe user?

My Fi has always been strongly evident, though I didn’t know what it was at the time. Things that set off a NOPE response in me vs. the ‘rest of everything, which I don’t care about.’ The intense sensitivity as a child. The compassion for other people and especially for small animals. The understanding of emotional dynamics and how people ‘feel.’ The constant angst between caring too much about people’s feelings and being low Te blunt or rude when I’m having an off day. The ‘going away from everyone’ to deal with my feelings in private. I have always fiercely, Fi-ishly known what I like and do not like, and have no ability to ‘tolerate’ things that I do not like. Once, I didn’t like half the people seated at my table at a public event, so I shut down completely and did not say a word to anyone at the table for two hours. My Fe friend also hated them, but smiled and charmed them all. Lucky girl. She can fake her feelings. I can’t.

- ENFP Mod

[skelffricat]

Good grief, Charlie Brown.

I’ve never owned an electric toothbrush. I’ve never had a dishwasher. I am the dishwasher. I like washing dishes. I never bought an iron. I don’t have a hairdryer. I find it strange that I get advertised these reusable alternatives for things that I never use anyway. Alternatives to cling film. I put another plate over the dish. Alternatives to cotton buds. I use my finger. (Ew, you may say, but surely a finger’s that size to fit in ears and nostrils? Or whatever orifice you please. Wash your hawnds.) Alternatives to cotton wool circles. What? I dont know why these thoughts have come into my head, when I want to write about my youngest child. Really, I’m meant to be working, but an annoying email from my dead daughter’s school sent me down a suicide rabbithole. Perhaps those other thoughts come about as my classic brain avoidance schemes. Like when you hoover instead of doing an essay. Positive procrastination, I used to call it. I wanted to visit some friends last night- a fun thing! but I was feeling all solitary and awkward. I cleaned the bathroom ceiling at first, instead! I had to really talk myself into going to see them. I was looking at my bed and it was saying, “Get into me! and read your book!”

Then I went, and I had a lovely time, of course. I still finished the book I was reading, when I got home at midnight, until three am, making myself ever so tired. I’ve stopped taking the tablets- beta blockers and mirtazapine (more by accident rather than design. They’re still up in the chemist waiting for me. I’m rather disorganised) and so sleep doesn’t come as readily. I have to take deep breaths for ages sometimes, to get over. And I awake in the night hearing things that aren’t there. I heard The Woodcarver calling me, one night, plain and loud as day. Another time, I heard my son knocking my door three times, sharply (or was it a burglar? I said that to someone and they laughed. Burglars don’t knock! Oh, hello there, wake up, I’m robbing you blind!) Bounced out of bed. Heart hammering. Called him. He was fast asleep. Was it her ghost? I don’t believe in ghosts, really. Kind of wish I did. She’d be a mischievous one, no doubt. Is it always 5:57am, when I awake? The same time. Time to find your dead child. 

I’m often in the house alone, now. They didn’t want to leave me alone, and there were so many people in the house, for ages. Then all of a sudden, it stopped. And I changed lovers... I changed to the one I’d been in love with for over a year, the one who seemed too young, the one who wasn’t interested. Suddenly he was interested. Well. It wasn’t sudden. It took a few weeks. Seven weeks? The seven week itch? It coincided with when the Scottish lover asked me to stop letting other people come to the house. He wanted me to himself. Which is kind of fair enough, though I knew it wouldn’t last anyway. (People coming to my house, I mean, not the relationship. I really enjoyed having a relationship with him. He is very sweet, funny, intelligent, and kind. The sex was great. He can cook wonderful food and play guitar well. I liked to sing with him. I am ashamed to say I was bothered by his being smaller than me, though. His face tended to itch me, too- he never quite grew a beard long enough to stop that. As he kept shaving it off, not because he couldn’t. That was the first time he kind of annoyed me, though.)

Lockdown doesn’t help, of course. We were all breaking rules in our grief. Covid is cancelled, my mother said. Masks off. Hugs all round. A friend told me you need extra oxytocin when you’re grieving. I was getting plenty of it. Good grief... 

Now I am frequently alone, and as my new lover is very busy studying (or perhaps less interested in me again now that he has my attention back? Though his reticence in getting with me stemmed from his concerns about the uneven nature of our interest in each other...) I haven’t seen him all week. I feel myself becoming depressed, and withdrawn, and paranoid, yet I still don't feel particularly sad about my daughter’s death. Which is strange. Isn’t it? Here is the email I received from her school this morning (it had her name and class at the top of the email): 

“Good morning

I hope this email finds you all well.

A number of years ago I signed the college up to the campaign against period poverty. I receive and distribute sanitary products to girls, primarily on free school meals, but any who are in need of the products and either can’t afford them or it is difficult to get them. The products are normally distributed by myself, during P.E and games, unfortunately this can’t happen at present.

These products are still available during the school closure. If you wish to avail of them, please contact our school info account (which is only read by one member of office staff) your request will be directed to me and I will contact you directly regarding collection.

These are difficult times for many at present and to quote my favourite supermarket, ‘every little helps’.

Kind regards...”

I was really with her until she quoted Tesco. And said they were her favourite!! Ugh! I mean, it really is a great idea. Though they really should check if the people they are writing about are still capable of bleeding. My heart bleeds....

I replied thus:

“Hello there.

Great idea, but as (my youngest daughter) has died, she won't be needing them any more. I hate Tesco- they ruin many little businesses.

Maybe take me off this mailing list?”

Then I attached one of her seven suicide notes: the one for school. Which I had previously not shown them. I only found it on Christmas Eve. Can I attach it, here? It has no names... 

There we are. Is it wrong of me to find her notes amusing? She is so angry, people say. I wonder how much of it is literal, and how much of it is using the school as a big nameless scapegoat. She was funny in the rest of them, too, and very loving. I found them comforting, like a fucked up Christmas present.

Then I started reading articles about suicide, and they were about how we shouldn’t call the people who do it selfish, about how depressed they are, how they need pity, not anger. I’m tired of the pity (though I’m not the suicidal one). I’m not producing enough sadness from myself when people pity me, either. Where is my sadness? Am I too acceptant of it all? We are all going to die. Is suicide like a C-section? Is it cheating death, like I thought my Caesareans cheated birth? Is suicide self euthanasia? Why do I not miss my daughter more? Is it because she had already left? Was she released, happy, free as a bird, swooping away on an Awfully Big Adventure? Trapezing her way into the æther? I googled to see if I could find any positive reactions to suicide. Is this my nature, to try and find the good in everything? To try and make light of the horrific? Is everything a joke to me? 

I found this blog post, from Andreas Moser.

I love it. Am I trying to take the blame away from myself? The NHS? The school? Should I be reeling and railing against the systems that let my daughter get into that state? Why am I instead trying to find ways to applaud her behaviour, accept it, even enjoy it?! When I read his words, “I admire their courage (because logical as it may be, it’s not easy) and the determination to make the ultimate decision in life oneself.” I felt a strange sensation of relief, that someone else could think those things. I had been thinking them, but trying not to, because it seemed like such an awful thing to think. But then I think, why does anyone else have to be to blame? It was her decision. 

The book I was rereading is called Life After Life, by Kate Atkinson. It’s my favourite book, I have decided, for now. Do favourites stay favourites? I was looking at my old Couchsurfing Profile today (because of Andreas’ blog- he, as a hippy hermit, is, of course, on Couchsurfing). One needs to update these every so often. Explain that you have watched another film in the last twenty years, that there is one less sofa in your living room, one less child on your earth. Even though no-one is allowed to move around, really. No visiting. No exploring. Perhaps she killed herself to escape the boredom. 

In Life After Life, the main character, Ursula, lives again and again. (I forgot that to live again and again, she had to die again and again. It's a very sad and graphic book, spanning two wars- read it. It is, ultimately, uplifting.) I wanted to read it again to make my daughter live again, and again. We need to write her alive. Show her drawings and paintings. Listen to her songs (they're hilarious). Read her poems. Admire her photographs. Tell the stories of her antics.

I know that really she was actually depressed and withdrawn. I know it isn’t a glorious escape. That her wee head was broken, and that sometimes it’s just easier to say, it was unfixable, she was determined, this is what she wanted, than to contemplate it as my (or anyone else’s) failure to help her. I know that she used to be confident and gregarious. She would have danced in front of people, inspiring others. She was always upside-down, tumbling, twirling, cartwheeling. She had a dry, cheeky wit, and rather an amusing obsession with poo and wee. She was kind, and wise. She liked to bake vegan treats. She could draw, and paint, and sing so beautifully. She played the ukelele, but by then she was hiding away. She had started to write poems- songs? She wouldn’t show us them. We had to beg her to perform on the trapeze for her Granny’s eightieth, in July. She did so, beautifully, but you could tell she hated the attention. Four months later, she hanged herself on it. 

Had we all withdrawn into ourselves, this 2020? Was there really nothing else to do? Yet I remember the start of Lockdown seeming idyllic. All that free time, all that sunshine. Was I just trying to convince myself, as usual? The only people we saw were the Woodcarver and the neighbours. She taught the wee boy next door to ride his unicycle. When she died, he brought in a picture he had drawn, of them on their unicycles, she as an angel above herself, a rainbow arcing over the three figures. His sadness affected me. I felt like I could only be sad through other people. Where is my sadness? Where is my grief? Good grief, bad grief, no grief? Alternatives to grief.

[szopenhauer]

Have you ever had surgery?    nope

Have you ever donated blood?   can’t

Have you ever been in handcuffs?   no not yet

How many dogs do you have?    just one

Who do you want to meet in heaven after Jesus/God/saints/virgin Mary?   my brother

Are you bipolar?    I have BPD

Who was the last person to pick you up in the air? my gf

If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to change a regret what would you do?   money as I wouldn’t risk fucking everything up even more at this point lol

Have you ever played naked twister?    I never played ANY twister

Who last grabbed your ass?   M. What’s an interesting fact about you that not many people know?  Tim Walker is my favorite fashion photographer - not that anyone’s interested in this fact

Do you do anything embarrassing when no one is home? sing

Are you in your pajamas at the moment? no longer

Have you ever spent the night in a tent? few

How important is it for a significant other to be good with kids? I don’t want to have kids so...

Have you ever had an ultrasound performed on you? What was it for? many times, several reasons

Have you ever written fan fiction for anything? nah

Would you prefer to be at a beach or in the countryside? whatever

When was the last time you saw the person you last kissed? days ago

Have you ever played laser tag? I’d like to

Do you have any twins in your family? yep

Have you ever kissed someone that had a tattoo? noooo

What was/is going to be the first song at your wedding? t.a.t.u. - all the things she said XD

What is the one thing that you need to do in order to die happy? sigh...

Do you consider yourself mainstream? I like SW but nothing else mainstream comes to my mind 

What is one moment you wish you could have taken a picture of? uh oh can’t decide

When you listen to music, do you generally sing along, or just listen? just listen unless “singing” in my mind counts too 

Have you ever been hospitalized?    couple of times

Have you ever had a moment with someone you like that seemed like a movie moment?    lmfao 

What do you think your life will be like at your parents’ age?    I won’t live that long

Do/did you have to wear a uniform to your high school?   middle school and I liked it

Do you like writing? How often do you write?    I rarely write even tho I like to, I have no motivation and can’t focus, I want everything to be perfect so I overthink a lot and procrastinate my progress

Do you think its obnoxious when people drive down the street with their stereos all the way up blasting the kind of music you loathe?  listening to music loud in a car is dangerous, no matter if I like the music or not but when it’s additionally offensive? ugh...

Title of the last song you listened to on repeat? Animals - Maroon 5

What are you listening to now? look above

Have you ever had oral sex?   ewww, no thx

Christmas is coming. who are you buying gifts for?    parents, partner, sister and niece

if you had to change one, would you rather change your hair or your eyes?  hair

Do you wash your hair or your body first when taking a shower?    hair

Have you ever thought your cousin was hot?

Have you gotten a hickey before? don’t, it can kill you - srsly, I probably should stop biting others :(

Have you ever had a dream that you married someone? dream about a wedding? hmm... I don’t recall that happening

What were the last two things you purchased for yourself?   fingerless gloves - two pairs - grey and black because I bought mustard before and came back for more 

Is your tongue pierced?    hell no

What do you remember from sex ed class when you were younger? they told us tampons will make us lose virginity and we should breed constantly to not get cancer ^^” but besides that we had boobs to squeeze and I didn’t touch that shit

Are caterpillars more cute or disgusting?    cute

Do you like green apples?    blergh, green are the worst

Would you have sex before marriage/engagement?  oh well...

Have you ever 69′ed? no way, sorry

Would you rather be a boy or girl?    being a boy would probably be easier 

The last time you were upset, who was to blame?   no comment

If someone dislikes you, what is most likely to be the reason?   ... what’s there to like ha ha ha

What’s your favorite fantasy creature?   griffins but I prefer those which have 4 paws instead of bird legs in the front

Have you ever witnessed a birth in person?    luckily not, that would be traumatic

Are you using your real name on Facebook? for now I am

Would you be fired if your boss saw your Facebook page? hope it won’t be a problem when I get a job someday

Would you ever be willing to take a lie detector test? I’m scared my borderline personality disorder or smth will fuck it up so better not, it’s fun/interesting though, especially if you try to check if it will catch your own lie to know if you’re good at this :D

How old is the oldest person you’ve had sexual relations with? my age

Has a partner ever accused you of cheating, when you actually didn’t?

I dated somebody who was accusing me of cheating all the damn time, I couldn’t use the toilet, which is even funnier when you know I’m an asexual pfft

If your hair is long, would you ever think about having it cut short or, if it’s short, would you like to grow it long?   I have no patience for this, too lazy for that, long hair is uncomfy

How many people have you turned down when they asked you out?   believe it or not but pretty big as for me group of ppl asked me

Do you like snakes?    they’re cool

How would you feel about traveling abroad alone?    anxious af

Would your mom care if she found condoms in your room?    I would be confused myself :o