#but because THIS blog is a side blog they're still able to interact with my posts??

[betty-bourgeoisie]

Tumblr's block feature is well and truly garbage

[shuenkio]

Making you Jelly | Lhs.〃

Paring: Idol Heeseung X idol male!reader | Genre: Soft smut (Don't like Don't pressed, scroll away!)

Synopsis: Your purposely making your secret boyfriend jealous as a result, Both of you are locking in a room.

Cw: Cursing, dry humping, cumming, no sex .

Non proof read | wc: 1.7K

English is not my 1st language.

This is a work of fanfiction, don't throw unnecessary tantrums at this nsfw/sfw blog. ©Shuenkio

A-N: Heeseung requested by Anon is now done 😜 I'm not good at writing how to express character emotion but I hope you can enjoy reading this! (The other requests will work starting tomorrow dw)

Hidden relationships in a K-pop group are pretty hard, especially in this industry. However, both of you and Heeseung were so good at hiding behind a curtain that only the members knew about this, not the manager. And that's the talent.

For today's schedule, the group is having an offline fan meeting after all the comeback promotion. It was authentic and delightful to be able to meet your fans in real life. Once the settlement is complete, each member is going to their own assigned seat, as the door is open wide when the clock strikes.

People are coming in one by one until the seats are full with all the fans presence; it mostly has a fan girl than a fan boy, especially. The event then began, with the fans taking a seat in front of you. As you leave a signature on their album with the best fan service you could provide, smile brightly in happiness. And so are the members; talking about the fan service, they're not any lower than you. They always have something on their plate, flirting and talking as if all those fans are their friends, or even worse.

As you continued to move your finger to write an autograph, your eyes were laying on the other side of you, which soon laid on your secret boyfriend, Heeseung. You heard him talking to the girl in front of him, as if she were his girlfriend. To make it inferior, your eyes went wide in disgust when he sniffed the girl's wrist to smell the cologne. Oh my.

As a result, you compose yourself to not act suspicious before letting out a chuckle under your breath, shaking your head in disbelief. Turn your attention back to the fan in front of you.

"Which member do you think is the most flirty?" unexpectedly, The fan girl who is sitting facing you asks out loud. It's like she was reading your thoughts at the moment, but then you responded happily to her questions.

"Hmm, for me, I think... Heeseung Hyung? Yeah, I think it's him because look at him right now. As you spoke, the girl was turning to see Heeseung when you pointed it out, and it's indeed true that he's quite good at it.

"It's true ㅋㅋㅋ it's must be hard to be his fan m/n ya~"

"I know right, sometimes I just want to ask him, Did he have a hidden girlfriend? ㅋㅋ" in return for joking, You make your fans laugh nonstop. Before you said goodbye to her when she was moving to the other members, After a while, the fan meeting ended with the autograph session. For now, moving on to the interaction and fan service session.

The members would be talking, making jokes, unwrapping the gift, or posing for the camera while doing service. Still upset by the way Heeseung acted earlier, you decide to take sweet revenge on him by clinging on to the other members, and having a good time, you press his button by flirting with the fans.

The revenge turned out to be successful; you just made him upset. Not only that, but the smile on his face died down into a thin line when you held on to Sunoo's arm. To fuel it even more, you were wearing a bridal veil from the gift. Sunoo was with you the whole time. When he saw the intense, fierce staring, he immediately recognized what was going on.

He laid down and whispered to you what's happening, but you couldn't care less as you began to laugh and make a pick-up line along with the fan. It felt satisfying when you succeeded in making him furious. Soon later, the fan meeting came to an end.

The group then bows down in respect for the fans who have come to the event and shows their support. For then, the manager called the group to leave the stage and go back to the dorm since it's over now. Unfortunately, today you are having a ride with Heeseung to travel back to the dorm along with the single member, Sunghoon. The awkward silence was so loud, which made the manager furrow his eyebrows in confusion.

He thought there'd be a fight again between any one of you, but it turned out Sunghoon was the only one who was oblivious and knew nothing. Seeing you didn't make any conversation like usual with Heeseung made Sunghoon squint his eyes and puzzle the situation as he realized that the two of you are having a conflict. At the dorm.

Before all the members go to their own dorm, they need to have a meal together first on the first floor, which is the Hyung Line, and then in a maknae dorm, which includes Sunghoon, Heeseung, Jay, and Ni-ki. All the members are either plopping on the couch, watching their phones, or playing games, waiting for the manager to deliver their food.

Not even a step to the living room yet, Heeseung suddenly pulls you into his room before locking it tight. Now it's just you and him together, with that awkward atmosphere once again. He then pins you against the wall and cages you inside his personal space with both of his hands as a pair of rails.

"You know what you did, m/n! Care to explain?" Breaking the silence, his eyes were now turning even more fierce than the last time he was giving you at the fan meeting. Yet you still didn't flinch a bit. You know him well; he was doing this just to scare you for the answer. Deep down, he can't do anything more than that, or he might?

"Speaking of the devil, who is the one who sniffs the girl's wrist? How about that?" You reply, folding your arms together, also upset by your boyfriend's action.

"But that was the fan service, m/n. Be for real, m/n! You were never jealous before." Heeseung soon spoke out, raising his brows in disbelief at your unknown jealousy that you've never had before. He's about to go insane at the moment since all the imagine and those interactions you were having with the fans last evening.

"But you were sniffing her scent! Why would you do that? I don't think that's a fan service you should  do." You fire back, unable to resist the thought you were having with your stupid jealousy. Soon, Heeseung be quite at your brust out. As you realize, a pang of guilt is hitting you hard in the chest. You were going far with this one.

"Um, hey Hyung, I'm sorry I went too far." Without any warning, out of frustrated Heeseung presses you against the wall as he flips you around. with your face now in front of the wall and your back facing him. Your boyfriend pulling your pants down at such a speed, making you butt naked at an instant, which makes you leave a shocking gasp out of your mouth.

"What are you doing, Hyung?" "I'm going to make you remember who I belong to and who you belong to!" No further, Heeseung unzips his pant quickly, freeing his hardened cock that begged to be released as he stroking it together before shoving in the middle of your thighs. Instead of fucking, he also had the thought that railing you up in the dorm like this was too risky and would cause a lot of trouble, so instead of making messy noises around, masturbating together was the option right now to punish you.

Your boyfriend then thrusts his cock hard in between your thighs; his length was so big that when he rolls his hip forward, his and your dick cause a sensation.

"Auugh. It feels werid, Hyung; the members are still here!" You said, trembling, and shivers sent down your spine, mixture with a fear that someone could come in and see this whole thing.

"Oh, shut up, m/n. If that happens, I'll take full responsibility. Now zip your mouth before I change my mind and fuck the hell out of you." Heeseung slipped out of his fury; he was so hot right now that you couldn't even say a word, with only grunts and whimpers instead. The dry humping against skin and skin, along with the small slapping sound, makes your dick twitch in response. His cock pressured you as if he were fucking you even though he wasn't, and that made Heeseung take note of this. You're sensitive, AF.

"Fuck you, m/n, you should remember what will happen when you press my button; this was your first lesson; the next time you do, I'll take your ability to walk for a day and get it!!" He demanded, almost shouting at your eardrums. However, you can only nod in response because if you did say a word, an unholy moan would leave your throat.

Why does it feel so good with just him humping against you? With a few minutes of pushing in, soon a wave of jolt was building inside both of you and Heeseung, as you had a feeling like you'd cum first before him. Heeseung noticed that your face was flushing more red than earlier, so he immediately knew you'd explode soon.

"Hyung, I'm cumming fuc—Nghh auhh—" Your dick is then twitching terribly as a load of white semen shoots out on the wall, driving you so sensitive that you can't help but moan. Luckily, Heeseung was fast enough to cover your mouth before letting anything out. Soon, Heeseung too was thrown to the ceiling and exploded a huge load of cum more than you, splashing them all over the floor and shattered everywhere. Not to mention, all men are sensitive, and so was he, which resulted in his weight falling on your small figure.

"Shit—*huff* Hyung, stand up straight; we can't make any noise."

"You feel like heaven, m/n; your thighs are squeezing me tight. Shit, this is the best cum I ever had." His head was buried in the crooked part of your neck as he whispered all of those words. Both of you and him, shivering and trembling in pleasure of masturbate earlier with the conflict, erased from this moment.

"The members would ask why our fight was so behaving."

"Yes, baby boy, but now let's clean this up." 

🗣️ Reblog and like is much appreciated ♥

🗣️ please mind my English! ><

🗣️ CRD to all the owner and dividers [ithemes]

[russellsppttemplates]

okay but like protective charles over his family who are with him during a big gp like monza or something where everyone is always swarming him trying to get his attention and him just going into protective dad/husband mode🫠

btw everything you’ve written is amazing! i’m loving your blog sm 🫶🏻

Note: thank you for your feedback, I'm happy you enjoy it ✨️

"Hold mama's hands and don't let go, okay?", you checked with Hervé and Amélie, making sure they understood. Every weekend had its own rush and fans who wanted to meet your husband, and usually it was manageable with the kids. Monza, however, couldn't fall into that category. The fans and the whole atmosphere made it an even bigger event, tradition making it a weekend you rarely missed, and once the kids were old enough, they also joined you.

Walking out of the hotel, Charles walked in front of you, greeting all of the fans that had been waiting for him. "Charles! I'm here, I'm here!", they would yell, along with chants of "Forza Ferrari" and such.

The minute people started approaching you and the kids, the situation changed its look. Everyone wanted to have a little interaction with Charles, a picture, an autograph, or to give him something, not noticing you and the kids were getting swarmed in the sea of people until Hervé yelped.

"Sorry, buddy", an older man said, trying to make room for you and your children as you tried to move away from the group of people. Charles was quick to notice how you were in the middle of it all and how some fans were not letting you walk away from the group, almost trapping you and the kids.

"Everyone, I'm sorry", Charles tried, "EVERYONE BACK AWAY FOR A BIT PLEASE!", he yelled, catching the ones closest to him by surprise as he looked for you and the kids, holding Amélie's hand on his own so you could pick Hervé up and Charles could pick Amélie up.

"It's okay, amour, papa is here, there's no reason to fear, okay?", he checked with her, kissing het cheek and seeing some of the Ferrari team members also leave the hotel and calling for them, "can you help them out of here, please?", he asked as he kissed Hervé's cheek too, "are you going you be okay with them?", Charles ensured you were good, "yes - thanks for your help- yes, we will be fine", you assured.

"That was a little scary, papa. Mama wanted to get away but people weren't letting her, and I tried to push to one side, but we weren't able to go because only a few people were giving us space", your son pouted, looking up at Charles as you sat them in one of the benches, "I know, but that won't happen again, okay? I'm sorry", he said to the three of you, looking back at the group of fans that seemed to be getting antsier.

"Go, love, we are going to be fine. Just, be careful out there, okay? I don't want anyone trying to rip a hair out of you", you chuckled, kissing his lips and soothing some of his worries.

As Charles approached the group of fans again, contained by the police who had enforced security, "that wasn't okay, guys. I will happily sign and take pictures for all the time that I can, but when someone asks you to excuse them and let them walk, you have to let them do it. It doesn't matter who they are, my family or not, they're still people and they deserve that respect", he said, almost like he was lecturing your kids back at home.

(Thank you for your submission ✨️)

[bekolxeram]

So... I said I couldn't wait for the plane disaster arc to be over, and I still stand by that statement. If you read my blog regularly, you'd know I loved it, the more plane stuff the merrier, but at the same time, it was a huge relief for me to finally be able to move on.

Warning: long rant incoming

I joined this fandom last season because of my love for BuckTommy and aviation, I've made it clear many times before. I saw comments downplaying Tommy's role in the cruise ship rescue, and I thought, well I know a thing or two about how hard flying is, especially flying a helicopter, so maybe I should write something about it.

Fast forward to last month, someone asked me whether Tommy could fly a plane realistically, so I answered it as they asked, realistically no. I can imagine him flying a light plane as a hobby, but never a four engine turboprop military plane that takes 5-12 crew members to fly, or an airliner that's basically a flying computer. I wasn't even aware of the Airport 1975 pilot transfer theory at first, so imagine my shock when I woke up to multiple posts naming my theory by name, (yeah, I said the water bomber in 2x14 belonged to CAL FIRE, I made my first post about this a long time ago, and I don't think anyone from the other side even made the effort to dig this deep, so those posts were referring to me) each with 400+ notes, and many reblogs by people I'd been following, telling me to shut the fuck up. It wasn't even aware that my aviation hc would be anything close to controversial, it deeply upset me and it fundamentally changed my interaction with the fandom as a whole.

I tried putting my more aviation focused posts under a specific tag that people can block if they're not interested, still, like clockwork, some posts popped up in the main ship tag around 6 hours later, digging up old interviews from Tim saying "Tommy did the water drop, just off screen" or expressing their disbelief that there were still people out there who thought Tommy didn't fly the air tanker.

I wanted to explain my reasoning, but I knew it would come across as needlessly confrontational, so I kept my mouth shut. I saw the pilot transfer theory gaining traction, I knew it was too crazy and too expensive for the show to pull off, but I kept my mouth shut. I even leaned into that theory at one point saying Tommy could be flying the helicopter in that stunt, but still the theory was hyped up more and more and its supporters were gradually getting more annoyed by me. I knew I would feel bad whether Tommy rappel into that cockpit or not, because on one hand, I hate that film with a burning passion, on the other, I basically stood back and watched everyone got their hopes way up then witnessed them getting crushed in real time.

Now Schrödinger's cat box is opened, without Tommy in it, I guess there's no need for me to self censor anymore. So here are some stuff I was too afraid to post when people were still deeply invested in their theory, before we all move on from this disaster arc.

The writers don't care about timeline, they can't even get when Tommy transferred out of the 118 right

Tommy supposedly left the 118 right before Buck joined, so 7 years ago, but in 7x09 Tommy said he joined Harbor 5 years ago. My very first post on this site is about this timeline conflict. My explanation was that it takes some years of training before you can even touch a helicopter at Air Ops (in real life LAFD sends you to LAPD for basic training), so Tommy probably only officially transferred to Harbor 5 years ago.

That led to a lot of comments saying the writers just didn't give a damn, they didn't care to google or get their story right, just accept it. But you don't even need to google. The description Tommy gave Buck in the Harbor tour scene was lifted straight from the LAFD Air Ops website, and you know what? If you scroll a little bit further down, you can clearly see the "at least two years of LAFD AIr Operations training line". It takes less than 5 minutes to read it all through.

Tim said Tommy did the water drop, so it's canon he flew that plane in 2x14

Someone pulled out Tim's interview specifically to disprove my CAL FIRE hc. Yeah, he did say Tommy did the water drop:

But I've never heard anyone from the show said Tommy was literally grabbing the yoke, pulling the thrust levers, flying the plane. A C-130 (or L-100 as the civilian variant) is not a single engine water scooper, it's a four engine monstrosity.

The heavier the plane, the faster it has to fly for the wings the generate enough lift to keep it in the sky, right? Well, in order to drop water/fire retardant in an accurate and effective fashion, the C-130 has to fly low and slow enough that the flight crew has to get used to hearing the "terrain! terrain! pull up!" and "stall! stall!" warnings at all time during a mission.

In fact, the C-130 water tanker usually flies behind a lead plane, most of the time a lighter business jet that surveys the area and plots the optimal route for the water drop. It fires a line of smoke to mark out the designated location for the payload, the C-130 behind it just has to release the water/fire retardant once the nose of the plane hit the trail of smoke.

That coordination is extremely cool.

The C-130 takes at the very least 3 crew members to fly: 2 pilots and a flight engineer, no fly-by-wire on this one, but it usually takes even more for a safer more accurate operation.

I can absolutely picture Tommy being one of the people sitting behind the pilots in 2x14. They didn't have a lead plane, so maybe the CAL FIRE guys asked him to pull his weight, since he was the one who asked for the favor and he was also an aerial firefighter, they needed an extra pair of professional eyes anyway. So technically he did the water drop, but he flew no plane that day. (I have a fully developed backstory in my head about Tommy's involvement in that episode, but unfortunately I'm not a good writer, and it'll probably piss people off more than it entertains them. It's about a clandestine mission à la 7x03 and Tommy's meet cute with his ex boyfriend)

If you've made it this far, you probably really like my blog or aviation stuff, and I think you for your support. At one point, I told myself I would leave the fandom behind if I saw one more post telling me to shut up, I got so closed to it. Now, reading post after post saying leaving the newly reintroduced pilot character out of the show's plane disaster arc is a missed opportunity just makes me, I don't know, kind of sad? I've always thought he's just a helicopter pilot, he wouldn't be much help in guiding the crippled jet down anyway, that I was right, but then what? It doesn't feel good to be right this time. I can accept not seeing Tommy working with the 118 on the ground, I can be patient and wait for a week longer for his presence, but accidentally annoying people with what I thought was fun trivia, watching hundreds of them clown on me for taking the show too seriously, for being a nitpicker, for being too obsessive, I don't think I can ever erase it from my mind.

Let's just hope we can all move on (mostly on my part), and I can return to making bad quality humorous gifs about our boys. I'll still post stuff about aviation, now that it's less controversial. If you're a brave soul you can go search for the tag I created for others to block (#aviation realism).

[sevensoulmates]

Hi I just wanted to say I was on twitter and saw someone discussing and sharing your meta posts and I was genuinely intrigued and curious because you guys are obviously so devoted to the buddie couple and it's really endearing. And I was just really interesed about this perception of the couple you guys seem to have because is so different to the other side of the fandom I'm actively interacting with. I'm obviously a B/T shipper and only got into the fandom because of them but I'm really loving the show (currently I'm on season 5). I'm just curious about how is it that you guys see buddie as romantic when I think their interactions are clearly platonic, they obviously have a deep relationship, an intimate friendship but no more that that.

Again, I'm not trying to hate I just wanted to ask because it looks like the buddie shippers are settling themselves for disappointment just waiting for them to go canon. You all are obviously loyal fans and I think that's lovely but I honestly just don't see the show writing Eddie as queer now and I really think Tommy is here to stay (I think there's too many signs pointing to this fact like the buck actually episode and the old guy named Thomas). Again I'm not here trying to hate because I think you guys love the ship genuinely but I just wonder how is it that after all the things the shows portrays you guys are still rooting for buddie. Please feel free to ignore my question if I'm annoying you, I really don't want to come off as rude I was just really interesed in the topic.

There are a boatload of reasons why I and many other people ship Buddie. Most of them are far too long to get to in one ask like this because Buddie have had 6 years worth of material to sort through and it would just take far too long.

Long story short: in the same way that Buck was confirmed bisexual over the course of a single episode after years of many people saying Buck could never be anything other than straight, Buddie could be made canon in one single episode and it would be accepted just as easily even though it's been years and a lot of people are still saying they could never be together.

It's TV. The writers can do whatever they want. The second they decide to start bringing in more explicitly romantic things, people will suddenly start "getting" it.

To be more precise: I think it's easy for people to see a ship like Bucktommy and latch onto it because it's very clearly, explicitly queer. It's a lot harder for people to believe in or "see" ships where a queer couple hasn't done anything explicitly romantic like kiss or hold hands, etc. It's unfortunately due to heternomativity and the sad death of the slow burn. I can't really do anything about either of those things.

For me, the primary reason I ship buddie is because of the deep special bond and obvious family they've built over the years that feels different from every single other relationship they've had with literally anyone else on the show. That includes Tommy, Shannon, Abby, etc. You can view it as platonic if you want, that's anyone's subjective opinion.

You seem like a sweet person, but you're also coming into the show with a bias towards Bucktommy, which is fine. They're what brought you to the show, they're the ones who initially intrigued you, and they're also the only ones currently explicitly queer. I get it.

I am going to be so honest with you: I think the show has been writing both Buck and Eddie as queer men for many many years. But just like how Buck was only allowed to confirm it this most recent season, they haven't been able to confirm it for Eddie just yet. I could write essays and essays about how Eddie is so obviously deep deep in compulsory heterosexuality and has been almost since the beginning, but it would take too long. There's plenty of posts I and others have made all over tumblr and on my blog.

Slow queer burns featuring characters that aren't introduced in the first 5 seconds as queer are almost non-existent, they very rarely happen in popular media, and because of that it's almost impossible to ship something without someone coming at you saying "they don't see it". Fact of the matter is that Buddie is one of the easiest ships to "see", if you were looking at a man and a woman, but they're not. I can't really convince people to see what they don't want to see.

If you're curious about the specifics, I'd encourage you to go through my blog/meta or other buddie-positive blogs on tumblr to find many talented and intelligent individuals who will have a lot to say on why they believe in buddie.

When it comes down to it, I don't think the fandom at large is ever gonna believe it until they see it. That's kinda just human nature and the state of how we all consume media right now.

But once the show does go there, they're gonna be like damn can't believe I didn't see that until now while the rest of us sit here like "we've been trying to tell you this whole time."

In the meantime, I'm enjoying Bucktommy for what it is, for however long it lasts, and I'm gonna enjoy buddie just the same, regardless of if they go canon or not, or how long it takes.

[b0njourbeach]

Woah what happened with that twst rp blog? If you don't mind sharing of course

–✒📃

I do believe my public statement might have made it a bigger deal than I had intended. It was supposed to be a quick "Cut and Done", nothing more but I don't mind explaining the situation.

I'm not certain how accurate this is, but I do believe I talked about having Twst rps all over my feed and "not wanting to block them" - It's that exact same person. I know their main, I know their sideblogs, at least the Rp ones. They like my memes with their Main, so I didn't want to cut them off of something they seem to enjoy, just because their sideblogs are bothersome.

Thanks to my Anons, I was somewhat able to keep them off of my Feed ever since - Unfortunately they're all over the Character tag though and it's hard to look at 'This character only' and not 'Twst Rp'. As some might know: If you blog a tag or content, you still see the post - It's just censored.

I used to rp on here myself for a while, as some might know. I also admit on using the official characters tag - I didn't think that it would be that big of a deal. That was, until I saw a post about how the Twst rps are clogging up the canon characters tags, so I immediately stopped doing it.

So I thought to myself "Okay, maybe they don't know that just like I didn't. I'll give them a heads up and surely the problem is solved", but apparently, I might have been too naive to think that would solve it.

Maybe I should've shown that I'm not so unfamiliar to the mod because I, for once in my life, used the Anon feature (because I had no need for any possible drama resulting out of it).

That might've been on me. Maybe I simply assumed too heavily that people are understanding. Maybe I misunderstood something, misinterpreted something.

I do not know.

If you wish to use the canon character tag to reach more people (although I'm fairly certain you're not getting more interaction through it - If, at all, you might get some more likes but that's it. You don't get magically 500+ more asks because if people want to rp, they will explicitly seek out the rp or so I believe - And Rp accounts simply exist by interacting, not liking. But again, that might be only my thinking), go ahead. Clog up the tag, I do not care because I do not need to subject myself to things that bother me, I know how to block people and since I don't know the Mod personally, I shall not feel bad either.

My own peace is more worth than having such childish discussions with a fellow adult. Maybe it might have been petty on my side, I do not know - It may also have been the final drop that caused the barrel to overflow because well, I wasn't unfamiliar with that person (For purposes of 'avoiding unnecessary drama', I will not explain further what I exactly mean with the last sentence).

And don't get me wrong: I adore Twst rps, they're most of the time real funny to observe (Love it whenever I get "exposed" by someone sharing my silly edits with Rp accounts. Makes my day every time). But know your limits as a human being.

All I'm saying is: If you can't stand someone or what they're doing or if you think something they're doing is wrong - Let them know it's wrong, in a polite manner. If they don't feel like changing, your best choice is to simply block them. Save yourself some time and nerves instead of getting all worked up over something that can be fixed with a few taps on your device.

Don't blindly point at a person and call them stupid - Tell them how to improve their behavior. If they choose to not do it, turn the other way and live your life.

Moral of the story: I learned how healthy "block" can actually be for your own peace.

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

I’m not sure if you’ve ever said anything about this, but the first time I read new moon, the vote chapter, there was one bit that really stuck out:

(from Bella’s point of view) Edward grabbed my face in his hand, forcing me to look at him. His other hand was out, palm toward Carlisle. Carlisle ignored that.

Bella later went on to say it was hard to talk clearly with how Edward was holding her jaw. I don’t know if I’ve misunderstood what exactly was happening, but why did the entire family watch that and do nothing? I’ve read the metas where you’ve said it’d take a lot for Carlisle to realise what Edward really is, but surely that’s a pretty massive indicator and Carlisle actively ignored it?

Anon, you're hilarious.

An Aside in Which I Say "Look in the Mirror"

I've been running this blog for a few years now (a terrifying thought) and I'm both a) one of the most critical of Edward in this space (which is not a bad thing, mind, people are free to do what they like) b) often get asks in which I am asked by anons to justify why I think poorly of Edward.

This is on top of the thousands of metas I've written pointing out various things from canon, where I've presented many arguments, and anons still will ask me to make more arguments.

This is fandom, anon, relatively objective observers who are privy to information the characters in the story don't have. We know Bella's exact thoughts, we know how Edward has interacted with her in private, and we even know Edward's private thoughts for at least the duration of Twilight because of Midnight Sun.

AND YET, I AM HERE.

And you ask this as if it should be obvious to the most casual observer.

Back to Your Ask

I've discussed this at length in posts I'm too lazy to look up at the moment but the crux of it is that

a) Edward's a beloved family member and it's deeply hard to think ill of those we love and we want to justify their actions

b) the family doesn't see most of what goes on with Bella and are only told things by Alice and Edward with Alice being firmly on Edward's side

c) Due to his having previously had a redemption arc in which Edward came back unprompted to the diet even though it must have been not only humiliating but terrifying, Edward comes across as one of the Cullens who best understands that human life is worth protecting and just why they're all doing the diet.

This particular moment though, I'd also give Edward a pass if I was present. To touch Bella at all, to move her like this, Edward has to be extraordinarily gentle and careful. If he was at all rough with her, at all, Bella would be dead or seriously injured (with her jaw crushed between Edward's fingers, her neck snapped, etc.) Basically, for Edward to do this at all, he's being incredibly mindful and the Cullens as vampires are very aware of that.

Add onto that that Bella can speak, when this is a guy who's hand is made of stone, he has to be holding her incredibly gently from his perspective for her to be able to speak at all (and not have a broken jaw).

Also from the outside perspective, where Bella and Edward are in this romantic relationship (even though they just got out of being broken up) and they all know Edward's deeply in love with Bella, this looks like an intimate gesture than it does a "LOOK AT ME" gesture. It's not something any of them would do, or a normal person would, but they're also not dating Bella/convinced they're soulmates with her.

Add into that that they're in the middle of a very intense day, in which Edward had just tried to kill himself and is very emotionally fragile, Bella's now asking to be turned directly, the Volturi barely pardoned them, and Edward is coming unglued with the idea that Bella's going to be turned and the Cullens aren't at the top of their game.

They're just trying to get through the conversation where they tell Edward (and Rosalie) that, yes, they actually do have to turn Bella.

This doesn't register as physical violence to them, and I don't blame them for this one.

[swordheld]

hi! your blog is one of my favourites and i absolutely adore reading your thoughts. my grandfather recently passed away and it feels like i lost myself with him. how do i continue living after this? there is this constant weight on my chest and it feels like an emptiness has made a home inside of me. how do i go on when it feels like the world crashed on my shoulders?

hello, love! this is so very sweet and kind of you, and i hope you're treating yourself gently and kindly right now - there aren't words for a loss like this. that heaviness is difficult, and hard, and painful. it's okay if things don't feel okay, right now, or even soon - i think that's something that a lot of the people i know that have gone through similar grief feel: like they should be able to get back to a relative 'normal' in a [insert far too short period of time].

but it's okay if it hurts. that's where i'd like to start. you're allowed to feel that emptiness, that world-crashed feeling that goes beyond words, beyond time. don't feel like you have to rush this to feel some sort of better. things get easier with time, i promise you this, but sometimes painful feelings are important to feel, too. cry, scream, feel your emotions. they're a part of you. grieve.

it's perhaps a little silly, but when i think about death i always think about a couple of space songs: mainly drops of jupiter by train and saturn by sleeping at last. there are perhaps others that speak to the emotions better, but these two have always hit something a little deeper for me, and are popular for a wide-reaching reason.

and while personally i don't know much about grief like this, i do know a lot about love; and i think they're a lot of the same thing.

the people we love are a part of us, and this is why it takes from us so deeply when we lose them, because it does feel like we've lost a part of ourselves in the wake of it. but it's because they were so central to our experiences of living - our lives, that the separation introduces a hollowness - a place where they used to be. a home that now goes unlived in.

an emptiness, like you said.

but just because they're not here physically, doesn't mean he's not still there, in your heart, in your life, your memory. you can hold him close in smaller ways, as well: steal a sweater, or cologne/scent for something a little more physical and long lasting for remembering. hold onto the memories you cherish, the things that made you laugh, the ease of slow mornings and gentle nights. write them all down, slide a few photographs in there, go through it and add more when you miss him. keep them all close, keep them in your heart.

you're not alone, in this. he's still there, with you, it's just - in the little things.

he's with you in the way you see and go about your daily life, in doing what he liked to do, in the ways he interacted with the world that you shared with him. the memories you recall fondly when the night is late or the moment is right and something calls it into you like a melody, an old bell, laughter you'd recognize anywhere.

but i think, perhaps most importantly above all others - talk about him. with your family, your friends, his friends, strangers; stories are how we keep the people we love alive. the connections they've made, the legacies and experiences they've left behind, and so, so many stories.

how lucky, we are - to love so much it takes a piece of us when they go. grief is the other side of the coin, but it does not mean our love goes away. it lives in you. it lives in everyone who knew him, in the smallest pieces of our lives.

the people we love never really leave us, like this: they're in how we cook and the way we fold our newspapers, our laundry, in the radio stations we tune in to and the way we decorate our walls, our photo albums. they're in the way we store our mail, organize our closets, the scribbled notes in the indexes of our books. the meals we love and the drinks we mix, the way we spend time with one another. they've been passed down for generations, for longer than history - and we are all the luckier for it.

think about what you shared with him, and do it intentionally. bring him into your life, like this, again. whether it's crosswords or poetry or sports or anything else. if one doesn't help, try another. something might click.

i hope things feel a little easier for you, as they tend to do only with time. i hope you find joy in your grief, even if it is small and hard to grasp at first. know that your hurt stems from so much love that there isn't a place to put it properly, and that it is something so meaningful and hurting poets and storytellers have been struggling to put it into words and sounds that feel like the fit right for eons, and that it is also just simply yours. sometimes things don't have to make sense. sometimes they just are - unable to be put into words or neat little sentiments, as unfair and tragic as they come.

but i promise it will not feel like this forever. your love is real. and perhaps, on where to begin on from here - i think it's less on finding where to begin and just beginning. and you've already started. you've taken the most important and crucial step: the first one. wherever you go, after that, from here? you'll figure it out. you always have, and you always do. it'll come, as things always do. love leads us, as does light - and you're never alone in your hurt. in your grief, your missing something dear to you. i think if you talk about it with others, you'll find they have ways of helping you cope as well - and they have so much love of their own to spare, too.

as an aside, here is the song (northern star by dom fera) i was listening to when i wrote this, for no other reason more than it makes me think of connections, and love, and how we hold onto the people we love and how they change us, wonderfully and intrinsically. it's a little more joyous than the others i've mentioned, and plays like a story, and it made me think of what is at the core of this, love and stories and i am here with you, and maybe it'll bring you some joy, if you'd like it. wishing you all my love and ease 💛

[furiousgoldfish]

(osdd, behaviour theories)

I've figured out from my interactions with other alters that I must be kind of a caretaker, at least for the children, other adult parts don't seem to need care. I am the only adult part who consistently attempts to take care of the children, even as they consistently reject me.

I'm starting to think that maybe if I'm in the caretaker role, this is my problem with interacting people in real life; my instincts are still just to take care of people, especially people younger than me, and I often give in to that impulse, and end up doing a lot to make other people's lives easier, to offer them comfort, food, favours, information that might be helpful, company when they need it, entertainment, validation, and pretty much anything else they might want. I usually do it because I can't watch them struggle on their own, knowing that I can make things easier for them, and they don't need to figure everything out alone if I'm here. It also triggers me when they're in pain and alone because I was in pain and alone all my life, to see that reflected in others is excruciating and I end up doing everything I can to prevent that.

But, all these people consistently end up doing harm to me, I've complained before about how I've had to cut off, or have been betrayed in insane amount of friendships, it keeps happening. I've thought a lot about why does it happen, why can't I ask even one thing out of them without them acting brutal in return, people would get angry at me even if I just ask them to sit down and watch a video with me so I would calm down. And there's been extreme harm, one of them stole money from me, creating huge financial troubles, some of them broke my stuff, when it was obvious that I only have very little and depend on what I have, they never replaced what they broke, even when I asked them to. Lots of them attempted or even succeeded into forcing me to do something against my will for them, some of them turned on me and started insulting and attacking me for being sick, some of them threatened me, or attempted to physically hurt me.

It's always the most unexpected batshit thing that happens and I get heartbroken because, I'd never do it to them, or anyone, and I've invested energy and care into these people and never hoped to get anything in return, but it was beyond me that it would come back to hurt me.

So, naturally as the result of all that, I've decided to stop caretaking, but here's the thing; I can't stand it. I literally can't stand seeing a person in need and not offering help. I've berated myself for it, attempted to keep distance and act apathetic, and it's still like a compulsion, it chafes on me to know there's someone somewhere in pain and I'm not by their side making it better.

And now I've started thinking, wait, what if this is the osdd thing? Because I'm the caretaker part of the system, that's my role, it's what I was made for in the system, and being constantly in the real world, I end up caring for other people. The system rejects me so I am not able to care for the other parts of me, and I end up doing it for other real people instead.

Is this why I do everything? Is this why I made this blog? Because I'm a misguided caretaker created to comfort my other parts but then I couldn't and now I'm just stuck trying to help just anyone I possibly could? Is this just a manifestation of osdd dysfunction?

I'm now questioning everything I do, trying to connect it to my role, but it does feel like I do things desperately trying to help others, but I'm also at this point, terrified of others, and still can't stop trying to help anyway. I feel cursed. I wonder how it would be to not be so separated from the parts of me that are more apathetic and even hateful of other people, I think for sure the urge to take care of them would go down. I feel so dysfunctional.

[aingeal98]

Cass or Tim for the ask game

Gonna do Cass because she gets favourite blorbo privileges

three facts about them from my personal headcanons

-The dip in the Lazarus Pit removed a few of her latest scars. She's still covered in scars, it's not enough that anyone would notice, most of them look at Cass and are horrified by the bullet exit wounds covering her skin. But Cass knows what each scar is from, and the loss of even a few of them hurts her afterwards for reasons she doesn't quite understand. She got stabbed through the chest by her brother and yet there is no evidence of it. Some nights she gets tempted to scratch at where the scar should be, digging into her skin until she catches herself and snaps herself out of it.

-Her favourite music genre is metal and rock. She doesn't care about the differences between the genres despite Stephanie as a fellow Metallica fan eagerly trying to explain it. Cass just likes "Mosh pit music."

-Due to being homeless as a kid she got used to sleeping anywhere and everywhere. Her favourite place to curl up and hide was inside a washing machine, normally ones that were old and abandoned. She stopped as she got older but the washing machines in the manor are huge so she started doing it again when she felt low. This has given Alfred several near heart attacks when he goes to put clothes in and finds his grandchild curled up fast asleep.

a reason they suck

Batgirl issue 37 is one of my favourite issues and highlights some of the reasons I find Cass a compelling character but it also does objectively show one of the ways she sucks. Projection can be helpful or it can make you too self absorbed so you end up making bad choices. In this case it was the latter.

a reason they are great

Literally everything that makes Batman cool and compelling but with none of the downsides. Her downsides are different from his due to not having the narrative protection of being the white male lead. Her downsides are also deliberately and competently written. For further information see my entire blog.

a reason I relate to them

Autistic, mentally ill, used to be suicidal, awkward socially but enjoys violence not for malicious reasons but purely for the fun of it (I like boxing and martial arts.) Just everything about how she expresses herself and thinks and interacts with other people it's like wow. For a character with such a ridiculously comic book fantasy backstory she sure is incredibly relatable in down to earth ways!

(what I consider to be) the top tier otp/ot3 for that character

Stephcass. Steph is the Lois to Cass's Clark, the MJ to Cass's Spiderman. But Steph is also a vigilante in her own right and that adds extra flavour. If DC would give me one of those six issue mini runs they're so fond of I could do so much with it.

five things that never happened to that character that I believe should have happened

-Her Batgirl run should have had a proper conclusion not pushing her towards character assassination evil turns

-She should have become Batman.

-She should have been a part of the family from the beginning of the New 52 era. An essential part, closer to everyone than Jason and with more years in the family than Damian.

-She should have gotten to kiss Steph by now but I'll accept it if DC makes it happen this year.

-She should have gotten one final confrontation with David Cain where he comes back to life for 24 hours to remind DC of why her original run hit so hard and center her more on those themes than on being random Batgirl number 2.

five people that character never fell in love with and why

-Kon El. He's a good friend but she's a lesbian.

-Tai'darshan. He was a valuable part of helping her understand what she liked and didn't like romance wise but unfortunately he fell on the "didn't like" side in the end. Also she's a lesbian.

-Zero. He was her first fun civilian romance and while it wasn't serious it was nice while it lasted. It never would have been able to get serious though for multiple reasons. One of which being that she's a lesbian.

-Tim Drake. Shockingly being a lesbian is not the only main reason for once. Here it's also due to them being adopted siblings. While he loves Cass and was canonically mildly attracted to her at times during the early days, by the time they became adopted siblings they'd been through enough that any potential had fizzled out into pure platonic sibling menace energy.

-Harper Row. Being a lesbian is not an issue here at all actually. The issue is that in Harper's universe Cass killed her mom and in Cass's main universe she killed someone else and never met Harper until the world rebooted. Cass is not emotionally mature enough to wade through all that for a relationship. Especially when she can choose to wallow in guilt and stare awkwardly and painfully at Harper when Harper doesn't notice instead.

[blade-ranger-301]

Sorry about the bots!! I have the same problem on my main and side blogs. 🥲

So here is a normal question for ya! What are some of your favorite Blade HCs?

Ah glad I'm not the only one. They're so annoying 😭

And thank you for the ask! Means a lot and I'd love to be able to interact with others about our OC's and headcanons

I have a few of my own personal HC's for the angry helo 🚁:

- British. Despite the Planes 2 film being set in the US (I'm assuming), I'm writing my own fanfiction which is basically my own version of the film with added OC's, and it's set in the UK JUST for the sole reason that I can write Blade as a Brit 🇬🇧 (I have another post that support this lore: land, fire statistics, etc)

If Blade was British, he'd be from Northern or North-Western England 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 He's got that vibe in him: Typical working-class, an unmatched taste in humour, down to earth, sarcastic, takes no shit, stubborn and incredibly stoic (especially this), and I would imagine he would swear.. a lot

I think another reason why this is fun for me is that I can show other non-UK followers what the UK is really like. None of that London aesthetics shit. Idk how others view my country but whenever you look at ✨️UK aesthetic✨️ pics online, it's either London or cute little countryside cottages. A lot of photos and posts on social media perceive the whole of the UK as one big "London" island. Blade is none of that, and I think it'll be fun to see what he brings to the table 🇬🇧

- another HC is that he's best friends with Bravo and Echo. I've not yet explored how he meets and befriends them

- Blade occasionally drinks on the job. Not intense drinking, but Maru would definitely make him a glass or two to prevent him from going on a rage induced murder spree on everyone when he's in one of his bad moods. It's even hinted in the film when Maru sarcastically replies to Cad via radio "Oh, he's out back sipping a Motojito". So Blade's definitely having a few cheeky mojito cocktails on the sly whilst on duty. Maybe that's why he's sometimes so calm and chill in the movie XDDD

- The biggest HC I'm exploring is a big self-insert in Blade's past. Nick is alive so there's a reason why he leaves filming, but he's dealt with another traumatic experience in the past.

For the entirety of 2024, I've been dealing with the aftermath of a best friend breakup. In all 24 years of life, this is probably the worst BFF trainwreck I've experienced to date. That person is also a member of the LM community (not here) and have since replaced me with a new best friend also in the LM community. So this year I've been processing the up's and down's in my mental health. It's been 1 year since it happened, and I'm still not the same and it still affects me, but I've survived and maybe I've come a long way since but it doesn't feel like it - but I'll keep on trudging forward *keep calm and carry on Brit energy 🇬🇧✨️*

I'm planning on Blade going through the same 'best friend betrayal' ordeal because I think that maybe this will help me in some way. Due to this event, Blade will be affected badly and will become depressed, withdrawn, melancholic and angry, and will actively isolate himself from his team and others. When my heli OC Toni comes along, she'll have a hard time earning his trust, but with time, patience and Maru's help, she will eventually break through his shell and he'll be a much happier character in future and they'll become a couple.

I'm not sure how the timeline and scenes will pan out, but I use quotes to take notes and ideas for now, but I struggle with motivation and creativity often. But I'm going to get the Planes 2 fanfic out the way before I can worry about this one XD

But anyways thank you for letting me ramble and I hope you all enjoyed the read ☺️

[bthump]

hey op!! just wanted to say i love your blog and i love being able to see berserk through the lens of ur analysis 🥺🥺

can i ask how you think griffith would react in a situation where griffith is made to understand that guts isn't leaving because he is disgusted by griffith and guts also is made to know that griffith doesn't look down on him, but he still leaves anyway? in my mind the likeliest outcome is that griffith follows guts, but situations like one where guts leaves for his dream but lets griffith know he'll most likely come back to him since he wants them to be equals is just as well interesting. what do u think?

thanks once again for sharing your meta with us and for reading this ask!!

Thank you so much! Glad you like my blog and I appreciate you saying so 💖

Hm, while generally I don't think Guts would still leave if he was assured and believed that Griffith didn't look down on him, I imagine that if he did still choose to leave despite that, it would be because he's bought into Griffith's dumb philosophy about The Importance of Dreams. So even if he's an ~exception~ from Griffith's pov, Guts doesn't accept that - maybe because Griffith can't offer an explanation, because he doesn't know why himself - and feels he still needs to prove his worth.

So in that case I think Griffith would let Guts leave relatively peacefully, but maybe a little bitterly. Ideally I think this would lead to some self reflection from Griffith - if Guts is an exception to him, why is he an exception, why does Griffith feel like he's already an equal, why would he rather have Guts at his side than pursuing a dream to be his best friend, etc. Realizing he's in love with Guts. And also maybe starting to realize that if Guts is an exception, then maybe his dream philosophy doesn't really make sense, and maybe it's not a noble philosophy but a post hoc justification for irrational feelings of guilt.

Okay, maybe he wouldn't get that self aware lol, that's a hard sell to me. But yk, maybe it could help plant the seeds of that realization.

And then when Guts does come back, either for a visit or because he's super good at sword fighting now, maybe he'll be in a better position to really explain himself and convince Guts to stay.

But that's the ideal version lol.

I think it's more likely that Guts leaves, Griffith lets him go while burying how much it hurts and telling himself that it's for the best because dreams are the most important thing after all, and refocuses super hard on his own dream. Then ironically when they meet again however many years later, they're both too closed off and distanced from others to even connect with each other again on an emotional level. They greet each other with friendliness and joy and declare their friendship now that Guts is his "equal" but it's surface level - they no longer know each other and they no longer love each other. There's a sorrowful undercurrent to their interactions that neither can really identify, but it's the loss of their younger selves' potential to love.

OR maybe a happy medium? Griffith buries his heart and pursues his dream while Guts pursues his, both fall out of practice wrt opening up to people and live lonely lives for a few years, and when they meet again it's awkward and weird and shallow. But then one or the other nearly dies (or something) and there's an outpouring of emotion and they realize what was really important all along in classic romcom style. But yk, stretched out and built up to and written well.

Thanks for the ask, this was fun to think about!

[aspd-culture]

@brandon666

First off, you have some *really* inaccurate ideas of what ASPD is. Do you think we can survive in the world acting like you expect me to act? Far more often, pwASPD appear detached and callous rather than actively hostile the way you're saying. We aren't 12 year old kids on Xbox Live voice chat, * s p o o k y voice* we are all around you. You wouldn't be able to pick most of us out of a crowd, even if you had direct interaction with us. In fact, a running joke here and in my real life is that people often tell pwASPD "don't worry, I can sniff out a s*ciop*th a mile away" or similar not realizing they're talking shit about us to our face.

There *are* pwASPD who are still entirely valid who act the way you're saying - and also plenty of prosocials who behave like that too. But it isn't all of us, all the time. Most of us are capable of and maybe even prefer to be cool, calm, and calculated about how we speak and act because of the trauma we have.

Unlike people on TV like Dr. House, there are real life consequences to the behavior you describe, and many of us strive not to be happy, but for life to be as convenient as possible. Kinda hard to get convenience while you're pissing everyone off. Ever heard the part of ASPD where they mention we are manipulative and charismatic? Yeah that isn't exactly compatible with being crass, careless, pranking, or offensive. Careless actually specifically bothers me because we are often said to "play a social chess game" with people we talk to. Many of us are extremely calculating and overly cautious. And many of us aren't, but it certainly isn't like you're saying all the time. Even pwASPD who *do* act like that usually are calm and "respectful" sometimes.

Also, I never claimed to be unmasked on this blog. Most of the time, I am absolutely masking to some degree - although much less than IRL. You can actually see that in the tags, I use "a rare unmasked aspd-culture" as a joke about this fact. Whilst this is a safe place for other pwASPD to unmask if they'd like, my posts on this blog are different. My side of this is helping educate people - prosocial, antisocial, whoever - if/when they have questions for me about ASPD which is fairly frequent. This isn't to say I am not ok with unmasking here, like I said it's happened before, but consider the context of what's happening.

I'm often asked genuine questions about ASPD, some of which are ableist (almost always on accident!) and many of which are based on extremely common misconceptions. If I were to unmask while answering those, I would end up being really shitty to people who are trying to learn - often people who want to do better for the pwASPD in their life, or for themselves. We talk about coping mechanisms and the development of ASPD a lot here; with those topics there is little room for my unmasked behavior *and* education. If I were to unmask while answering, no one would be getting anything out of asking those questions even if I was providing info because it's hard to take in new information from someone when they're being defensive or hostile.

I don't want to be hostile towards them, I want to help because if ASPD is ever going to be destigmatized, someone has got to answer their questions and help show them what it is and what it isn't! We can't expect prosocials to fend for themselves in the cesspool of stigma that the typical google results on ASPD show - someone has to help them. And since one of my special interests (something autistic ppl like myself have and love to infodump about) is mental health, especially my own disorders, I am happy to be one of the people they can ask these sometimes tough questions to.

I am also helping pwASPD! Many questions I get are people trying to understand their own disorder or the disorder they think they might have. It sucked for me, learning this all on my own (and I'm still learning too), so I can use the cognitive empathy I've taught myself over the years and remember the feelings I went through when I was trying to find unbiased info.

There's a transaction here - a major part of ASPD if you didn't know - I calmly and respectfully answer people's questions, and the world becomes slightly less ignorant and we get a slight amount of progress on destigmatizing this disorder. That makes my life easier too. In the process, I see many culture asks that remind me I'm not alone in this. Often, posting those gives me some catharsis, and you will sometimes see me going off in the tags about what I've dealt with. But for the most part, I'm giving other pwASPD an open space to unmask as well as to ask questions to someone who will, 95% of the time, give a masked and respectful answer. Friendly is a stretch tho lol unless you missed the original post about the syscourse that you commented this on.

So yeah, long and short, you're definitely missing something here and that's ok. Just learn and do better. I know you might see that as another thing that is flying in the face of ASPD or whatever, but it's no skin off my back if you think I have ASPD or not, and anyway I'd rather you just learn and maybe next time someone says something like that to/around you about ASPD, you'll have the knowledge to correct it. Spreading info is an exponential situation - once I tell you guys things, some of you will inevitably tell someone else that, and so on and so forth until a good handful of people now know things about ASPD they didn't before. If not, oh well. I got to infodump and see relatable posts that made me feel seen.

Either way, it's been, and hopefully will continue to be, a net positive. You are absolutely welcome to keep this dialogue going if you have questions, want clarification, are enraged that I gave you a calm response, whichever. Even if you don't get anything out of this, someone else seeing it might.

I'll really fuck with you now - I genuinely hope you have a good day.

[dearweirdme]

Hi Jkk anon!

I admire your dedication, that was a long ass ask you sent me. I'm not gonna post it, because even though you seem to think I know nothing about what Jkkrs believe... I actually do and what you have sent me was nothing new to me. You can actually go through my blog and look at all the asks on this topic... your side has sent me a lot.

What you have sent me is proof of Jm and Jk's close bond and I never said that they aren’t close. They're best friends who have spent a huge part of their lives together, more than best friends do on a regular base. To me, that is the perfect explanation of why Jm and Jk interact the way they do.

You take issue with me saying Jkkrs rely on the "grand moments". I'm not sure what you want from me, I'm really not going to apologize for that. I do actually think that those big moments (Rose Bowl, GCF Tokyo, the bite) are the pillars of your believes. I have no problem with Atomix possibly being a group visit, it would change nothing about what I believe in general. Your side however holds on strongly to those moments, they come back in every argument. You even use them yourself, while trying to tell me it's much more than those moments. I am well aware of all the things you all have decided is proof. But Jkkrs agreeing with Jkkrs doesn't really do much for me. I don't care how big those accounts you sent me are.. to me they're still fanaccounts. Someone with only ten followers might just as well be right as someone with thousands.

I've thought about what it is exactly that makes all of you see this wrongly... and I think I've landed on the unwillingness to place Jm and Jk and Tae into a bigger context. It's as though you pic Jm and Jk and try to make them fit the mold of a regular romantic couple. They never do quite fit the mold though.. and that's when you all start to insert your own ideas. Jm, Jk and Tae are part of a bigger picture though. You have to place them and their behaviors into the context of society, business strategies, group behavior, etc... and all of you don't do that. The biggest thing Jkkrs don't seem to be able to grasp, is that we are not looking at a regular couple in love. The openness and obviousness you all talk about.. is the obviousness of friendship. In SK an in-band-same-sex-idol-couple would never be highlighted the way Jm and JK are. It is just not possible. GCF Tokyo would never have been released if it had been about their romantic relationship. They would never have entered the military together if they were actually together. BH would have tried to hide them (to protect them and their business) not showcase them. So while you think everything you have seen of them is a sign of them being together, I know.. that cannot be true. They're not fake, their bond isn't fanservice.. but their bond is a safe bet for BH. It is risk-free. If you were to take a close look at Tae and Jk (and to me it is obvious you have not, otherwise you would not have sent me some of the JKk examples you have) you would maybe (no probably not.. you seem quite stubborn) see that their relationship actually would fit that of a closeted idol couple. You make fun of our "focus on eye contact, looks, taekook sitting so close to each other lol, or them knowing details about each other" but that is a huge part of how one would recognize two people in love... especially when that couple cannot act on their love publicly.

If you really want me to relay every point you made in your long ask... go through my straws and ship analysis tag... I'm convinced you will find everything there already.

[oni-odyssey]

aaaand, I had this idea that I'd have it completed by the end of the month. It's not there yet. But I took photos for notes on what to adjust after doing two rounds of test printing, and I wanted to put it out there. I want to update this blog more regularly, but I rarely finish what I start, making this blog pretty barren in terms of stuff worthy of showing off? Well. I've never tried a progress report post, so here we go. It may be cringe,and i'm sorry in advance. Look away.

so like i said i'm MAKING BUNTING!

Why? Because I thought with the release of Veilguard a month away now, I thought... a launch party... in your own home... could be fun?

What if I drew all the party members from previous games dangling as part of the bunting? And have them be arranged so that people could make it so they're kinda holding hands? Wouldn't that be a bit funny?

The plan: have print-friendly bunting! A4 sized, folded in half, maybe have it double sided so that folks can choose which way they'd like the characters facing.

I sketched up Morrigan first, and immediately realised that I will not be able to make this work lol. Morrigan being one of the few (wait, only? idk) characters in Dragon Age: Origins with a unique outfit. Because her outfit is asymmetrical I won't be able to get these silhouette cut outs to work without some real brainpower on my end to make it work. I need this to be a do-able project for myself, so I unfortunately dropped the double-sided print. Instead, I'm going for character on one side, and either a solid colour or pattern on the reverse.

I simplified the characters appearances much as I could without losing their details. I admire character designs that can have the character recognisable even with changed proportions. I've never worked on developing a chibi style, so I set another soft goal to practice that while drawing these. Look at the cranium sizes of Alistair and Zevran here. And their torso sizes. Yeesh.

I had made the decision to draw every party member in the armour they're wearing at the time of their recruitment. I think everyone will have them wear different armour or robes during the game, but at least we all consistently saw how they looked when we first encountered them.

Doing these chibis has really helped me appreciate the varied appearances of each party member. I see the limitations though, they had to be able to wear the same armour and therefor fit into the same body mould with adjusted proportions, but still, that's fun. I had mapped out on an A4 sized document that each character needs to fit into a square half the size of the canvas. This is so that it can be folded in half to be a double sided cut out. I printed, folded in half, glued then cut each of these. Size wise, I think it worked out? They're bunting-sized? Once these are all finalised I plan to print one of them on A3 just to see how lorge that looks.

Anyway, side note - I don't know why, but for this printing and assembly test I cut the string short and tied each character along individually. Why. Why did I do this I don't know.

So because I drew each character within this square, it helped me know where not to draw past if I'm folding the paper in-half. It also meant I had to get creative for drawing the larger party members. For Sten, I tried to look like he is slouching to be in-line with his comrades. As for Shale, because she's a heavy stone golem, she would be weighing the line down, maybe?

I was listening to party banter from the game, and I either overlooked or never realised how much of Oghren's interactions are about drinking. I tried something different with his silhouette. Thought about making his cut out smaller to fit with the vision I was forming about the different heights of the party members, but realised by making him smaller I'd also be shaving down an already reduced amount of detail I was going to draw on him. So while it was just a proportion test in the first print, I decided to lock it in.

Look at them. Their awkward, inconsistent shapes and amount of details.

Despite trying to simplify their shapes for easier cutting, they may not be for everyone. My take away for these characters were that I'll thicken the outlines for the characters, no need to hug the lines while cutting with scissors. A cutting blade will of course be best, but I don't have a cutting mat. And should not expect anyone else to either. After a friend gave me some good feedback, I decided I should add good ol' bunting triangles. I had been on the fence about it, for some reason. I doubted I could do anything interesting with a triangle. Maybe slap a grey warden emblem on one to look like a shield? I dunno. But I'll defiinitely try.

For the second printing test, I wanted to reflect on the art style of Origins. So much blood splatter. By this point I wondered COULD I DO THIS FOR EVERY GAME? CHARACTER BUNTING FOR DA2, INQUISITION, AND VEILGUARD? Yeah, Awakening too. I want an excuse to draw and do a character study of the Architect from Awakening, my favourite character. Absolutely fascinating character, and a really unique appearance. I've shied away from trying to even attempt him, so much detail.

Whoops so back on track, today I did a print of test 2!

I've detailed each character with what I hope is the Goldilocks sweet zone of not too much detail, not lacking details either.

It was today that I thought ohh I might document my process? So I tried to take better photos of my notes. And just overall nicer photos to show people.

When it comes to chibi it's really the proportions that are my greatest struggle. I like cute things. I can't draw cute things lol.

I'll be real, I don't like these big eyes. I don't know what style I was trying to imitate here? I did that think where you drop the whites of the eyes, just focus on eye colour - an identifying character trait of their appearance. I don't want blue eyes to disappear into the skin tone either though, so I kept an anime lid. Appropriately, an anime face?

idk i don't love what I did there. I went for smaller eyes for the rest, and I deliberately avoided looking up a reference but I know I tried recalling the artist who did the art for the cover of Bravely Default, I think he did Nier Automata art too? I can't look up his name without being shown the art, but, that artist! I have seen for the DS/3DS games he did designs for characters for that it's just the oval eyes with detailed everything else. The dots are expressive enough when they've drawn them imo, so I tried that for the rest to varied results.

Took some notes about cutting. Where to thicken lines to make it easier if you stray with scissors. Also took note of a tip for how I'm making some of the finer cuts, like in Oghren's hair.

Even smaller, a gap on one of Shale's legs.

Also, again from listening to the party banter on repeat, I forgot about her bird thing, haha.

For the first print test I did include the pigeon, so for this one I made it optional.

I only did one, I think I'll try adding two more! Other pigeon colours.

First very rough draft of the bunting triangles. Because they're an easy shape, this is definitely something that can be double-sided (left example above).

Experimented with two different shapes, slightly bowed (top right, pink backgrounds) and straight lines (bottom right, blue backgrounds). Straight triangles are just the classic shape, quick and fast to snip if that's what people would want. But it doesn't leave as much room for an illustration as I would have liked... so I tried bending the lines outward slightly. Also, tried a version with an outline and another without. I personally likee the lineless look? But it may make it harder to cut. Looking at the photo above on the left again, this was a test where I didn't include the outline but wanted to see if I could have a visual for where the edges are, and if cut outside of the border, so long as the colour is similar then it shouldn't be a problem. Hopefully, anyway.

Noticeable height differences with the characters and the triangles. Hmm.

I may still be able to get these done by the last day of September, I'll certainly try! If not, first week of Oct.

I really really want to draw these for every Dragon Age game. It's a really fun project for studying and analysis character design. I hope I can do these for more games. There's something about pintables that I think are so fun. Admittedly I have a second objective here, which is to advertise my Kofi. I just launched it and hope to use it to take commissions over the next few months. While I'll be testing out how charging through Kofi will work, I also wanted to test how free downloads will work there too.

As well as Kofi, I plan to upload these to Google Drive for download. So no Kofi account needed to access.

I don't know how to end this. Maybe just to say, I hope I have another update and hopefully download links next week!

[muraenide]

This miiiiight be oversharing personal sentiments a little bit but...

Ever since I changed my rules to include an explicit list of what I'm going to write on this blog instead of just a simple, brief statement saying "dark things will be present here" and started actively following people or mutuals of mutuals whose muses or writing I am genuinely interested in/have spiked my interests, I've grown a lot happier about the contents and people I'm seeing on my dash.

I felt like tum.blr rpers have grown incredibly judgemental and incapable of minding their own business. People all around me seem to have shifted their energy onto focusing on offending as few people as possible instead of trying to actually have fun, and the rpc has become a weird circle for activism when it shouldn't have been used as a medium for (false) activism in the first place. Not all of us are here to make a point or to establish a legacy. In fact, most of us are just here to have fun and scratch an itch in the brain or fill in gaps that canon source materials haven't been able to provide. But the idea of this is incomprehensible to some people who are actively ruining the rpc and making everyone fear that they're walking on eggshells while they spiral into a depressing state of existing to not offend anyone instead of existing to have fun.

I've lost count of the number of times people tell me that I'm on a DNI for "writing with pro.ship.pers" or "writing romantic ships with an adult and a minor" (<- said ship is between a 17 y.o. and a 19 y.o.) sometimes it's also ships about fake incest.

(Just as an aside, I've grown so desensitized by being on DNIs that it's no longer something to feel anything about. I'd just go through their rules with a very confused expression if to see what they took issue with. Most of the time I don't even know the mun personally.)

I've gotten more hate directed at me for writing fake in.cest rather than real ones, which is not only baffling but also incredibly ODD bc the fandom "decides" what is good and what is bad, which reeks heavily of manipulation and toxicity in my opinion. Fandoms aren't governed by a single party or a monolithic authority that decides its rules. Fandom rules are made by the community, and in every community, there should be different rules, made to ensure everyone is comfortable and feel inclusive. That is what makes fandoms special and detached from reality. Yes, you're entitled to not want to interact with certain content for reasons no one else is entitled to know unless they have your consent, but you're definitely not entitled to silence/stomp out everyone to cater to your whims or risk getting hate/harassment. Which is why I heavily encourage tagging content as-is instead of denying the nature of said content and praying that no one notices because that is the best way to make it difficult for people with different preferences and tastes to co-exist.

And ever since I changed my rules and actively followed people again, there has been a variety of content on my dash with varying tags. It's honestly very stimulating and uplifting, and if I firmly believe if a mutual were to take offense to anything I write or choose to interact with, it's on them as they clearly did not go through my rules when they followed/followed back. Additionally, I tag all my things.

A few months ago, my dash was exhausting, and boring, everyone (or most of my mutuals) was scared. Now I see posts getting tagged "necrophilia cw". I'm very happy for both my mutuals and their muses for striving for the peaks of how far fiction writing and the imaginative side of the mind can go.

I'd highly recommend anyone who has been in a similar situation to list down your dos and don'ts so your mutuals will know what to take to your tables and what to not. Personally, it felt like my dash had curated itself and it's been very pleasant to be on tum.blr lately even if I still have to vanish for a few more days due to inrl.

I think about my dash very often this week and I love all of you guys for being here and showing me your brainrots/muses! 💗💞💓