#but bc i know too much i don't do too much

[marscantread7]

Mdni man😭😭😭 it gets filthy I fear.

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Thinking abt Xavier and Caleb both spotting you across the street, calling out your name at the same time. They shoot each other a glare, wondering who the fuck this random guy is talking to you. You look over and wave, but point at your phone, and in a different direction, indicating you have plans and can't talk to either before getting lost in the crowd.

Cut to Xavier and Caleb in a coffee shop sitting across from each other, glaring daggers.

"Name?"

"Xavier, you?"

"Caleb. How do you know her?"

"Through work, you?"

"Childhood friends." Which causes Xavier to huff.

They drink their coffee in silence before Xavier says he has to leave for "important work matters" which gives Caleb the perfect opportunity to stalk Xavier. He... becomes obsessed. Following Xavier everywhere, finding out he lives in the apartment right above yours, discovering that Xavier is the beloved Lumiere, watching him frantically look for and destroy protocores. He's even sort of endeared by how much Xavier sleeps and how tired he is all the time. What's so fascinating abt this guy that has you attached at the hip when you aren't with Caleb?

Both you and Xavier really need to get some curtains or blinds for your apartments, bc Caleb will sit on the roof of the adjacent building, watching both of you fuck like wild animals. Jealousy's ugly head rearing his mind at the thought of smb else watching you guys. Watch as Xavier's cock plows deep into you, your bodies glistening with sweat. Fuck... what he would give to be there with you both, fucking you and making Xavier watch... fucking Xavier as Xavier fucks you- wait.

And it's with his cock heavy in his hand, pre-cum drooling from the tip that Caleb realizes he wants you and Xavier. The thought of smb else watching you both, talking to you both, fucking you both... he can't stand it.

He starts joining in on your hangouts with Xavier, even trying to hang out with Xavier one on one. Xavier's a bit suspicious at first, especially considering his first meeting with Caleb, but he eventually warms up to him. Caleb notices how jealous and possessive Xavier is over you, and he can't help but want that for himself as well. Fuck... the thought of fucking the jealousy out of Xavier, reassuring him that he doesn't want anyone except for you and him. Caleb has to excuse himself to the bathroom to rub one out before he actually loses his mind.

It took some time, but Caleb did it. He won Xavier over, and he felt like a fucking God, being brought back to Xavier's apartment one night, making the pretty boy kneel for him. Xavier looking up with wide, blue eyes. Fuck, Caleb kinda wants to fuck his mouth, so that's exactly what he does.

Xavier gags on his dick so beautifully. Caleb wanted to remember this moment forever, so ofc he had to pull his phone out to record and take pictures. Slapping his spit soaked cock on Xavier's face as the man gasped for air, calling him a good boy.

"Yeah, you like choking on this fat cock? Come on baby, why don't you choke on my cum too?" And that's exactly what Xavier does. Caleb buries himself to the hilt, spilling down Xavier's throat, growling as he feels Xavier's throat constrict, gagging on his cum.

Fucking Xavier felt even better than he imagined. Xavier was so fucking tight, Caleb actually thought he was gonna suffocate.

"Poor boy's all cock drunk? Yeah? Come on, fuck yourself on this cock, ik you want it, greedy fucking boy. Ooh, fuck don't tighten up like that, fuck."

And that's how it goes. Caleb just talking Xavier through it, Xavier a whining, drooling mess, which he gets called out on. "Dumb boy's drooling? Hm? Close that pretty mouth baby, stay quiet. Should save all that spit for this cock, right?"

So Xavier's stuck biting his lip, trying to swallow back the whimpers. Who knew Caleb would be so fucking rough??? Xavier literally feels like he's on cloud nine, mind only focused on the thick cock plowing deep into him, hitting his prostate spot on with each thrust. They go all night, Caleb finally sated once the sun comes up, and they both end up passing out on Xavier's giant beanbag chair, covered by a small throw blanket.

That's how you find them when you visit Xavier'a apartment to check on him after you hadn't gotten a good morning message. Xavier wrapped in Caleb's arms, covered in hickeys and bite marks, sleeping peacefully. Your utterly confused bc when did this even come about??? But who cares, at least you won't have to pick between them now. Makes your life so much easier

Bonus-

Xavier getting really jealous bc smb tried flirting with you and Caleb, so you guys take him back to your place and show him that he's the only one you both want. You riding Xavier slowly, making him suck on your thumb as Caleb fucks him slow and deep, really making him feel it.

"This cock is all yours baby. Nobody else but you can have it. Gonna fill you to the brim. Mark you as mine. You want that, my good boy? To be claimed?"

Caleb's mouth is so fucking filthy, making your hips twitch, cumming on Xavier's cock. Caleb just hugs your back to his chest, muttering at you to keep riding Xavier.

"This night's all about our pretty boy. Don't be selfish and stop just bc you got all desperate and came. Ride his cock, baby. Yeah, just like that."

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Yeah.... Idk what this is man. I'm just really fucking horny rn chat, I'm sorry😭😭😭

[jobean12-blog]

Make It Last

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x female reader (Mob/Mafia AU)

Word Count: 2.7K

Summary: When the most powerful man in the city wants you, it's hard to say no. Obviously he's hard to resist but considering his significance in the city you can't help but wonder if you're just another piece of arm candy, so if he wants you, he'll just have to wait.

Author's Note: I've been thinking about Mob!Bucky a lot and what it would be like the first time with him. Lovely Sydney @buck-star had sent me a Mob!Bucky thot last week and he's just so yummy! Hope you enjoy, thank you all so much for reading! Much love always! ❤️❤️❤️Divider by the sweet @firefly-graphics thank you Daisy! 🥰

Warnings: lots of build up and tension to lots of smutty fun. Bucky is dominant but also soft and gives you everything you want. Oral (f rec), p in v (wrap it up but no need here bc it's Mob!Bucky and he's good and already checked you out haha), light praise and overstim, Bucky can't get enough and you don't want him to.

“It might last longer if he just takes a picture!”

You laugh but you don’t look at your friend even after she makes the joke.

“Why is he even here? Didn’t you tell him you’d be out with the me?” she adds.

At her question you turn to Nat and raise a brow.

“He owns the place. What am I gonna do? Have security remove him for staring too much?”

Nat laughs into her drink but shakes her head. “I guess that won’t work…but it doesn’t bother you at all?”

You give Bucky one more lingering glance then turn your full attention to Nat.

“Under different circumstances it might but it’s sort of my fault that he’s so…worked up.”

“What does that mean?” Nat asks as she leans in closer with a smirk.

You take another sip of your drink. “Well, speaking of pictures…I sent him some while I was getting ready…”

Nat pauses then says, “and? Hasn’t he seen you naked already. You’ve been dating almost a month.”

“We haven’t had sex yet.”

She nearly spits out her drink. “You haven’t fucked that man yet?” She peeks over your shoulder at Bucky, who still has his full attention on you.

“I know,” you sigh. “I can’t believe I’ve lasted this long. But honestly, he’s the most powerful man in the city. He probably has had every woman alive. Why me? I didn’t want to just sleep with him and then…that’s it.”

Nat nods in understanding. “So, you’re making him work for it.”

“Work for it, wait for it…I like him. A lot. And I’m hoping that this shows him I want more than just a good fuck.”

“I bet he’s the best fuck…ever!”

Nat’s words send you into a fit of giggles that dissolve as you feel him approach, the heat at your back followed but a shiver from his whispered words against your ear.

“Enjoying yourself doll face?”

You turn your head, your face so close to his you nearly bump noses.

“I am Bucky, thank you.”

“Good,” he says. “And this is your last drink.”

Your eyes widen at his statement, and you open your mouth to argue but he places a long finger against your lips to silence you.

“I want you completely coherent when I fuck you tonight. I want you to remember everything I do to you.”

With a hard swallow you whisper, “ok,” and your eyes drop to his lips. He kisses you, sweet and soft and way too quickly.

“My car will be outside at eleven.”

He says goodbye to Nat before walking off and disappearing behind one of the doors at the back of the club.

“What was that about?” Nat asks. “You look like you might pass out.”

“I’m going to sleep with him tonight,” you answer, nearly breathless.

Your eyes roam over his body, his black button-up shirt tucked into black pants. The first two buttons of his shirt are left undone, hinting at the expanse of skin beneath and highlighting the long and muscular line of his neck. The sleeves are rolled up to his elbows and his corded forearms and prominent veins shift as he removes the lustrous watch on his wrist.

You stand and wait, watching him as he slowly stalks closer.

“Do you know how hard it’s been? How hard I’ve been…waiting?”

Your eyes drop to his pants and the clear outline of him pressing along the lush fabric. You reach out, your fingertips just brushing against him and his breath comes out in a sharp exhale.

He wraps his fingers around your wrist and drags you into his chest, pressing you against every inch of him. His lips find yours in a hungry kiss, his hands slowly tracing your curves until they cradle your face.

“Are you finally going to let me have you?” he murmurs against your lips.

Your palms flatten along his chest, and you kiss him softly.

“Yes,” you whisper.

“My favorite word,” he breathes before kissing you again.

His hands move to your back, finding the zipper of your dress and toying with the small piece of metal. You whimper with impatience, and you feel his smile against your mouth before he spins you around, so your back is to him.

Goosebumps break out across your skin as he smooths his fingertips over the curve of your shoulder then drops his hand back to the zipper, slowly pulling it down until the fabric pools at your feet.

He hums in approval, kissing the back of your neck and then the space between your shoulder.

“You’re perfect,” he murmurs, his fingers tracing the lace of your undergarments.

He turns you to face him again and then gently guides you toward the bed, pushing until you sit. He kneels, taking your foot in his hand and sliding off your heel. He repeats the action with your other foot and smooths his palm along your calf with a delicate caress.

“So soft,” he sighs then stands, gazing down at you. “So beautiful.”

He starts to unbutton the rest of his shirt, but you stand to stop him, taking the fabric between your fingers and teasingly undoing the buttons until you can push it off his shoulders.

Your fingertips lightly scrape down his chest, lingering over every scar you find before your lips press to the puckered skin.

His eyes close and he whispers your name.

When your fingers reach his pants, trembling slightly, you pull the zipper down. You reveal his boxers and the noticeable bulge beneath the tight material.

You lick your lips and brush your fingers through the soft hair just above the waistband then dip them inside, sliding your hand along every warm, silky inch of him.

He throbs in response, your thumb tracing the tip and smearing the wetness there. You kiss him all over, not taking him into your mouth yet but teasing with your lips.

“Doll,” he warns and unclenches a fist to stop you. “If you keep that up this will be finished before we even start.”

You let out a soft gasp as he helps you stand and pushes you back onto the bed. His hands skim your thighs, pulling your legs up and placing them on either side of his hips. He hovers over you, staring, the curling wisps of his dark hair falling across his forehead.

When he slides his hand between the mattress and your back, you lift yourself, giving him access to unhook your bra. He makes quick work of it but takes his time as he peels it from your body to reveal your breasts.

He stares again, his cheeks flushed and the muscles in his arms and chest straining. You reach for him, pulling him down for a kiss and pressing your bodies together. His lips trail down your neck, to your collarbone, soft nips at your skin before he continues his descent, lips leaving a trail of heat in their wake.

His tongue teases your nipple then sucks it into his mouth making your back arch in pleasure. He pays the same attention to your other breast, teasing, licking, nibbling, and soothing.

You feel his smile against your skin as he pulls away to kiss down your stomach, keeping one hand on your breast.

His name falls from your parted lips when he presses a kiss between your legs, the thin fabric of your panties doing little to dampen the heat of his breath.

He sits back, gazing down at you, fingers teasing the waistband of lace at your hips.

“Do you want my mouth doll?”

You nod, your hips squirming.

“I want to hear the word.”

“Yes!”

A satisfied look crosses his face as he hooks his thumbs into the soft material and pulls it off, purposefully dragging the tips of his fingers down your thighs and calves.

His kiss is a barely there whisper of his lips to your clit, yet it causes your entire body to quiver. He does it again and again until you’re begging for more.

Finally, his tongue flattens, and he tastes you in a long lick from top to bottom. You cry out, bucking and pushing your hips into his face. He closes his lips around your clit and sucks, applying the perfect amount of pressure to make you tremble.

His hands dig deeper into your thighs, the rings adorning his fingers leaving marks in your skin as your calves come to rest on his shoulders, opening you wider for him. His tongue circles your clit before sweeping lower and dipping inside you. Your fingers grasp his hair, another breathless moan leaving your lips.

After bringing you to the edge he pulls back and lets you catch your breath, but it’s short lived as his finger circles your clit before sliding lower to sink inside you.

“More Bucky,” you breathe.

He pulls his finger out and rubs along your entrance with two, teasing you, before only pushing one back inside.

You bring your hand down toward him, needing more, but he quickly intercepts it. He withdraws his fingers and gathers your wrists together with one hand, bringing both arms stretched out above your head.

“Keep them there,” he orders.

You start to nod but then quickly reply with a breathy, “yes.”

He bends down to kiss you, sucking your bottom lip into his mouth before sinking his teeth into it. He moves back down your body, his tongue working you over, no longer teasing, but with purpose.

It takes everything in you not to let your hands fall to his hair and when he suddenly pushes two fingers inside you, giving you what you asked for, you moan out in pleasure.

His long fingers reach deep inside you, and combined with his attention to your clit, you can feel your release building.

A warm, tingling sensation spreads through your body and your breathing turns ragged as your muscles tense.

He doesn’t stop, working you through your release and prolonging it until you’re a trembling mess beneath him.

You open your eyes to find him watching you with a heated gaze.

“Fuck doll face. I could watch you come undone for me like that every day for the rest of my life.”

His thumb sweeps over your sensitive and swollen clit and your eyes roll back.

“Again,” he murmurs, dipping between your legs before you can respond.

His lips replace his thumb, his fingers resuming their previous pace as he slides his free hand under your lower back to effortlessly lift you and bring you closer.

Everything feels ten times more sensitive now and you fight with the clashing sensations of pulsating pleasure and the soreness of overstimulation.

You feel your release approaching quickly and your eyes squeeze shut but his commanding voice pulls you from your haze.

“No,” he growls. “Open them. Look at me.”

You obey, opening your eyes again, and the sight of him between your spread thighs sends you over the edge.

“Bucky,” you choke out.

“Gorgeous,” he whispers. “But not nearly enough.”

You struggle to sit up, your eyes falling to his cock resting against his abdominals. He smirks and grips himself, pumping his hand slowly up and down his length.

“Do you need a break doll?”

“No,” you tell him, letting your legs fall open.

He settles between them, his lips kissing your neck and the sensitive spot below your ear. He slides his hand down between your bodies and rubs himself against you teasingly.

“What is it?” he asks, pausing at the slight tensing in your body.

“Nothing Bucky.”

“Tell me doll face,” he demands. “I’ll stop if you want me to.”

“No!” you say quickly. “No. It’s not that. You’re just…bigger than what I’m used to.”

He smirks, rolling his hips slowly, not pressing in yet.

“You can take it doll.”

His hand moves to your face, grasping your jaw, keeping you looking up at him.

“Keep your eyes on me.”

“Yes Bucky.”

His other hand grips your waist, holding you steady, and your breath catches in your throat as he begins to press into you, then came out in a low moan as he unhurriedly sinks in, making you feel every throbbing inch of him.

Your eyes flutter closed, but then his fingers dig into your jaw, a silent reminder to keep your eyes open. Your body stretches to accommodate him, the initial burn giving way to sweet friction as you relax.

He continues to move maddeningly slowly, his gaze never leaving yours, the intimacy of the moment making your pulse pick up in a way that has nothing to do with his languid movements.

He lets out a soft exhale as he finally stills, settled fully inside you. Your inner walls flutter around him as you adjust to his size, and he pulls back slightly, only to push back in with more force, drawing another moan out of you.

“See doll. You take me so well,” he praises. “Do you want more?”

“Yes,” you say, your hands wrapped around his biceps, feeling the power in his muscles as he holds himself over you.

He draws back until only the tip remains inside you and then slips back in slowly. You lift your hips with impatience but his hand pushes on your stomach to pin you back down to the bed.

He leans in to kiss you, softly and with sweet, whispered words. The slow roll of his hips builds tightness in your stomach, and he takes your hand in his, pressing it next to your head, entwining your fingers.

You slide your free hand through his hair, dragging your fingers through the soft strands and then down his neck. He closes his eyes, savoring the sensation, his hold on your hand tightening.

“I could come just from this,” he says huskily, lips dropping down to your ear. “Just from the sight of you completely ruined under me.”

His words make you squeeze around him, and he lets out a low, deep rumbling moan into your neck. You jerk your hips up toward him, your legs trying to draw him closer and deeper.

He lets go, pumping his hips faster, fingers digging into your thigh possessively as your body jolts with the force of it.

With a precise and purposeful rhythm, he keeps a relentless pace until your body explodes with every sensation and all you can do is hold onto him and listen to the rough sound that comes deep from his throat.

He pants against your neck, then trails soft kisses along your jaw to your lips, his kiss slow and deep, making you breathless all over again. Your heart beats frantically between you, his own a rapid thump, thump, thump, against his sweaty chest.

With gentleness he pulls out and lays down next to you, throwing his arm over your waist and curling you toward him. You quickly get lost in his cocoon of warmth, sighing, and closing your eyes, but he presses two fingers under your chin, lifting your gaze to his.

“I want to clean you up,” he whispers. “And I want you to stay the night with me.”

Your quiet “yes,” makes him smile proudly and he carefully extracts himself, returning quickly with a warm cloth and delicate hands.

He slides up the bed and pulls you to him, closing the distance and pressing a soft kiss to your cheek, then the corner of your mouth and finally your lips. His hand cradles your face, his thumb swiping over your lips, applying enough pressure to part them.

Then his hand glides along your throat and his fingers close around the back of your neck to angle your head in a way that allows him a deeper kiss.

When he pulls away his nose gently bumps yours and he opens his eyes, ghosting his lips to yours as he whispers, “so perfect for me doll.”

[poopypara]

Health Insurance customer service

I was much too young and it was yucky

I just name them after letters. I have K, J, C - i usually just listen to things off my liked songs

BAKING.

I don't think any? I don't feel bad about liking anything that I like.

The whole of my life from when i was 13-16.

I don't reaaaly have one bc I don't put any emphasis on looks, and you practically know nothing about celebrities so idk who has a decent personality.

English (if brainrot counts as a language, my child cousins have been teaching me it lul)

I act like I don't like people but in reality I am just afraid of literally everyone

Uhhh I honestly do not read.

Coroner

6 cats!!! (4 mine: River, Bernadette, Stanley and Crom - 2 foster cats: Aki and Leslie)

2. I am the oldest.

Not tall enough (5'9 ish)

Everything except my chest :(

20th april

In primary school, my pants fell down in front of the whole class.

iPhone.

no

no

I only listen to songs that make me sad tbh

this

Grapefruit - Aaron West and The Roaring Twenties (very good song. makes me cry though)

Texting

Honestly i've never been called something other than my name

Anything political.. People are mad intolerant of other beliefs nowadays.

Ye

Humor, ?????, ??????

eat onion (i have a very legitimate grievance with onion)

lmao. it's somehow worse than I expected

Nah. Only football players and local politicians

Really Get To Know Me

Threw together a small list of questions to ask to get to know everybody better.

What do you do for work?

Tell me about your first kiss.

What playlists do you have on your phone?

Do you like cooking or baking more?

Guilty pleasures?

Something you regret.

Celebrity crush?

How many languages do you know?

Make a confession.

What's your favorite book?

What was your childhood dream job?

Do you have any pets?

How many siblings do you have? Are you oldest, middle, or youngest?

How tall are you?

What's something you're insecure about?

When is your birthday?

Embarrassing memory?

What's the most expensive thing you've ever bought?

Have you ever had a one night stand?

Have you ever been caught doing the do?

A song that evokes a good memory?

A song that evokes a bad memory?

Do you prefer phone calls, facetime, or texting?

Your favorite pet name from your partner? (baby girl, honey, brat, etc.)

What's a controversial opinion you have?

Do you believe in second chances?

3 things you love about yourself.

What is something you are sure you'd NEVER do?

How different is your actual adult self from how you pictured it when you were little?

Have you ever met a celebrity?

Free Pass! (Ask whatever question you want to know that's not on the list)

[salontiwon]

- 𝙿𝚕𝚊𝚌𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚍𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚖𝚜 ִ ֶ 𓂃

[nonidol!hubby jw x fem!wifey]

࣪𓏲ּ ⊹ ˑ ִ ֶ 𓂃

Summary: [you and jw are married, and lately you've been feeling insecure/left out cuz he's been spending so much time with him co-workers, staying late at the company and work "parties", he hasn't even slept with you in bed for a long while, it made you feel less specially bcs you're unemployed and just his housewife, your intense insecurities made you think that you're just there for his pleasure, in a heated argument he says some words that were heavy on your heart, he felt guilty and decided to take a break with you away from this world]

Warnings: unprotected sex, breeding, fingering, creampie, cock stroking, pet names? (Baby idk), insecure/paranoid reader,smoking, overstimulation, idk what else tell me if I forgot or didn't know abt something

Note: I can say this is my first (I've been writing tho) but it's my first time posting in this acc and I'm kinda embarrassed/anxious idk why, hope nobody judges and if there's any mistakes I'm willing to receive corrections and education from anyone who comes across my work, thank you.

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT FOR YOUR OWN GOOD OR IMMA GENUINELY CRY.

Waiting on the couch, finally deciding to confront your husband about his insanely busy time lately, despite knowing it even before marriage that his job as an important part of that company will automatically take most of his time.

biting on your nails as your insecurities race in your head, like you're hearing another version of yourself making fun of you, look how the "sweet" husband is making you wait, he's out at work parties and god knows where, but all you can do is sit here and clean his dirt.

as the door clicks open, you sit up without a second thought, leaning on the wall at the end of the entry hall "jungwon we have to talk" you say firmly before walking back to the living room

with a loose tie and a few buttons of his shirt undone he follows you, "now? But sweetie I'm so tire-" , "jungwon I said we need to talk" you repeat, making his frustration grow slightly, "and what's so important that you're willing to take the time I should be resting in to 'talk' huh?" He says, and your sensitive heart already started beating faster, scared of not handling this discussion well.

"where are you staying till this hour this last period? Yes you'd say at work but even work won't give you the right to leave me like that!" Your voice trembles, and yes to keep strong, you thought raising your voice slightly would make you feel strong but it only fueled the fire of his frustration and exhaustion, "really?! Are you questioning my loyalty now?! You knew what you were getting into the day I knelt to propose to you!" He yells back.

"I'm not questioning your loyalty I'm just saying, whatever it is, you shouldn't have been THIS absent, it's like I'm single!" You argue.

"'it's like I'm single' my ass, darling please stop being so paranoid I'm too tired to deal with your insecurities right now" he walks to the bedroom, taking his clothes off and slipping under the blanket.

"really jungwon!! You're infuriating! Get up and let's discuss this!" You walk to bed madly throwing the blanket off his body, he sits up but with a deadly gaze this time.

"oh really now you wanna be like this huh?! Okay guess what, I didn't tell you to be here 24/7 , I wouldn't mind if you went to work anywhere and stayed all you wanted doing your job! But you can't force me to drop everything and come running to your arms because of your little insecurities probably about some stretch marks and a massive inferiority complex! You chose to be a housewife then be it! I don't have to fucking pay!" He stands up, his pillow in his hand and a blanket he grabs from the closet in the time you were frozen there, goosebumps all over your skin and tears threatening to fall. It was like a slap on the face making you feel ashamed, embarrassed, hurt and even more frustrated.

he walks down to the living room, falling easily asleep on the couch, signaling that the exhaustion he was going through wasn't as satisfying as you thought it was for him. You slip under the blanket crying yourself to sleep, feeling slightly guilty for ruining his rest, yet you feel hurt yourself.

The night then passes quietly and so are the next few days, awkwardness growing between you two, both feeling guilty but obviously his guilt was greater, he'd occasionally buy your favourite snacks and put them in the drawers without talking to you, or asking about you, above all the stress he was under, your expression that night couldn't leave his mind, how could he say such a cruel thing to such a sweet little soul, he understood your frustration because from where you saw it, it was just the surface, he only thinks about how he left his exhaustion get the best of him, he had the perfect way to gain your smile back but he still has to work on it a little more.

-

Your eyes slowly fluttering open, you feel a gentle hum, like a car's engine, and after a few blinks and checks, you finally hear

"finally awake?" You feel a big hand on your thigh waking you up completely.

"what's that..my head's spinning" you place your palms on your temples.

"you'll be fine, just lean back and take a deep breath" jungwon smiles pushing you against the back of the car cushion gently by your chest, and as minutes pass, you feel better as you get distracted by the view of the rainy weather and nature surrounding you both and running back as the car paces forward, you even forgot to ask the questions that were in your mind, with your head resting against the window, the sadness started creeping through your calm heart, you immediately start feeling frustrated again at being stuck with him in the car, "how did I get here and where are we going?!" You look at the car's clock, noticing it's 6:00 am, where the hell could he be taking you at this hour. "Do you trust me?" He asks, "jungwon answer me and stop-" he cuts you off "I said, do you trust me?!" He turns to face you just seconds before refocusing on the road, you can't help but nod, after all, an argument won't immediately kill the trust you had for him, "yes I do, so stop being ridiculous and answer my questions" you insist in a slightly annoyed tone making a reassuring smile spread across his face, even tho deep inside you, you knew it's whether a surprise or a way for him to reconnect with you, you wanted an answer.

"just relax, I'm kidnapping my wife is it illegal now?" He smiles making you scoff, you were still so frustrated, but at least seeing this side of him, now you know it really is something good for you, taking you to a restaurant or something, just before you get distracted again by the view and you find yourself out in Dreamland.

-

At the slight trembling of the car and the sounds of the wheels crashing the hard dirt rocks, you wake up again, your eyes immediately at the clock and they widen, it's now 11 am! You really slept for another five hours in such a position , you look through the window at the pine trees everywhere then look back at him.

"where are you taking me you've been driving for hours! My back is sore" just after hushing you, a wooden, modest house in the middle makes its way to your sight, making you let out a "eh?" , A wide smile you tried to suppress taking over your confused features and a slight flush of embarrassment, cuz after all, you're still hurt and frustrated.

His own face breaks into a grin, brushing your hair back to take a better look, "looks like my girl's excited" , your blush deepens and you push his hand away but gently, "stop it...tell me where we are instead"

without answering, he's stepping out of the car, rushing to the trunk under this heavy rain, he carries the bags he prepared last night, the ones you saw him preparing and thought he was leaving you before you fell into a strange slumber, while he's heading towards the front door, he stops outside the passenger's seat side, knocking at your window with one busy hand.

"afraid of rain?" He jokes, his voice muffled by the door and the sound of rain drops surrounding you, making you shake your head before opening the door and stepping out yourself.

"You look like a maniac" you take one of the lighter bags from his grip.

"oh madam mature, we used to kiss under skies like that". He smirks again, his words making your heart skip a beat at the memory.

-

With that you finally are stepping inside this house, welcomed by a warm, well tidied up place and the natural fragrance of pine trees surrounding the place outside, the sound of the heavy rain again gets muffled letting both your ears buzzing, you drop the bags in the entry and step in, looking at the modest place, old fashioned couches and handmade details, everywhere you look you'd see a frame, a vase, a rug, and it makes you feel so warm inside, it's nothing like those modern almost empty houses that look nothing like your inner soul, a fireplace at the end of the living room making you mumble

"wow..." You turn back around to face him, he was ruffling his damp hair in the little mirror by the entry and fixing it, before smiling and walking up to you, "like it?" He asked, wrapping his arms around your waist, you immediately tense, you were still frustrated with him, still insecure and slightly embarrassed that this all might be just because he noticed the dilemma you were in. to play it off, you step away taking one of the discarded blankets on the couch ,that was part of the house aesthetic and you knew it, but you're too nervous to play the knowing girl, "god.. why's this here.." You whisper nervously like ‘to yourself‚ making him roll his eyes, a flush creeping to his ears at how you pulled away but he tried not to focus on it for now, but again he didn't give up , grabbing your busy hand, "let me show you the rest", you nod with a blank stare and follow him.

Walking up a few rugged stairs, it was a larger space, with two closed doors and an open one, he steps inside, "here's the kitchen" he turns to face you but you were already stunned, looking at the small fridge, the colored napkins on the counter, the small window and the colored, decorated plates, unlike the plain ones you had back at home, it was like the kitchen you always wanted, since you were a little girl even, the sight makes you squeeze his hand excitedly, and he excitedly responds by stepping out to show you more, he opens one of the closed doors, and there it was, the cozy, warm bedroom with printed walls, and a bed in the center with a soft thick mattress on it, covered with soft printed sheets and pillowcases and a thick blanket, a big window with the incredible view of the rainy weather outside, a beautiful, old fashioned wardrobe with beautiful carved details. You continue looking around in pure awe before he breaks the silence again.

"I'm going to bring the bags so we can make ourselves home"

You turned to ask but he was already walking down the stairs, you were again left with unanswered questions and a frustrating confusion.

Ignoring the awkwardness of the situation he left to do so as you continued checking the place, time passed and you two organised almost everything, showering and changing into comfortable clothes, the sky darkens and the house gets warm when he turns on the fireplace, your housewife and caring nature kicking in, heading to that kitchen of your dreams wanting to cook something, he stepped in behind you, "need help?" He asked, "of course I do, I don't know where anything is" you manage to make him chuckle, immediately start opening the drawers and closing, you two delve into the task and it turns to awkward jokes and forced giggles, you were still deeply hurt and paranoid about his love for you, and he was still thinking about how he could envelope you in his arms again.

Dinner, cleaning, joking, organising, it all passed now and it was kinda too platonic too. you're sitting alone by the fireplace with a cup of cinnamon tea in your hands, he was sitting on the couch across from you, his laptop on his lap completing the final point of his work as he said.

"drink your tea before it gets cold" , without being told twice, he folds his laptop closed and places it beside him, grabbing his mug, you kinda regret telling him that, your paranoia making you think that you're forcing him to enjoy his time with you, you zone out on the fire that's eating on the woods, minutes passing as you both sip and sip, before he immediately places his mug down.

"y/n, I'm sorry..." He breaks the silence making your heart jump with his directness, but you feel guilty for making him feel bad for doing his job, so you just go with "sorry? For what..or what exactly?" You place your own cup down.

He moves to sit beside you, "we know each other too well to act this clueless.." his voice drops to a low murmur, and there you were, realising he's right, you're both mature, adults, grown ups enough to address the elephant in the room. Or at least FINALLY cuz you told him to do so multiple times before his hurtful words, but now that he isn't busy and you're both ready, it'll be more logical.

"you're right...but jungwon, I genuinely hate feeling triggered by you doing your job, I wanna change it but...I just can't and.." hearing your voice admitting that, it almost makes his eyes tear up, as you look into his eyes and you both admire the vulnerability in each other's features, he cups your face and leans closer.

"why are you so precious?" He couldn't hold himself back anymore, his nose tracing your jaw, you squeeze your eyes shut and take a shuddering breath.

"jungwon i.." you were stopped by his burning lips against yours, you immediately melted into the kiss, despite your insecurities eating at you, don't give in, it's just for his pleasure, just for his satisfaction, but fuck, you were deprived of his touch for too long to complain.

He pulls away to look into your eyes, his cinnamon scented breath brushing against your delicate features. "Can I fuck the doubts out of your little pretty head?" He asked, and a slight, shy smile spreads across your face, he's my husband, he chose me to be his, he picked me to be his wife, you think looking at him then back at the diamond ring on your finger "do you want to?" you whisper almost shyly.

"do I want to? Do you wanna find out if I want to?" He whispers with a smiley, deep voice, one of his hands unbuckling his belt, his face nuzzling your neck to make you smile and you did despite your attempts to fight it back, your thighs squeezed together as if trying to hold back the wetness that's uncontrollably leaking out of you as well, cuz with the way his breath is brushing against your skin, and the way he was licking and kissing on your neck? You couldn't say no. All you could do is let out a whisper of "I want it..."

Now with your legs around his waist and arms around his neck, you don't even notice the way to where you're now bouncing on that bed as he threw you.

Unbuckling his belt completely and baring himself before you, he straddles you and rips your pjs top off, tracing the outline of your bra.

"so insecure for what" he whispers as if in disbelief, mostly to himself, before turning you around like you weigh nothing to unclasp your bra, throwing it across the cozy room, followed by your undies, making you shiver.

and he can finally see the ass he loves , the stretch marks he adores,his palm connecting with your ass in a hard slap, making you whimper, reminding you both of the first night after your wedding party. He gets up again, grabbing a towel from the bathroom and lifting your hips, placing it beneath you.

He turns you back to face him, smiling up at you reassuringly, his big hands on your skin, it reminds you of all the times you let yourself go with him and ended up being a satisfied little thing nestled in his arms ,you uncontrollably smile back at him.

He kneels beside your legs, lifting one to rest on his shoulder, his finger gently running along your slit, "so wet bby" he murmurs, making you hiss and squeeze your eyes shut "am I?" You whisper, before whimpers start falling outta your mouth like a broken record when you feel his finger slipping inside your desperate hole, you open your eyes to look at him, seeing him too focused, his cock rock hard against his stomach as he fingers you, a second finger was already in, curling and stroking your g-spot with ease, as if he had a perfectly defined map of your body.

His lips kissing and nipping at your inner thigh, before he sniffs deeply, "you smell like love bby.." he murmurs, one hand gripping your thigh, and the other inside your pussy as you moan and squirm on that bed enjoying yourself, all your worries and frustration is aside for the moment when you're feeling this good.

You look down at him, before your other foot moves to his cock, stroking it gently, he buries his face deeper in your soft thigh as he groans "uh...fuck..." His fingers start moving faster before he looks down at you again. The sight makes him smile even in this hot mess, you both giving pleasure to each other, like the real couple that you are.

"you like that bby? Here?" He strokes a specific spot, making your eyes water as he looks down at you, teasing yet genuinely loving you, his fingers started moving even faster overwhelming that spot, before he feels a pressure pushing his fingers out, just as he does, they were followed by a heavy flow of your waters, and this sight made him leak down your toes, "fuck...Fuck you just squirted baby.." his hot seed spilling down your foot and your essences covering his abs.

you pant, covering your face before he straddles you again, kissing your neck, "are you alright baby?" He tried to peek at your beautiful, flushed face, little did he know you were giggling shyly behind those little hands "yea..", his eyebrows furrow in light curiosity and he pulls your hands away with his "look look who just made a mess and is now giggling .." he said, trying so hard not to ravish you, he wanted to be buried deep in you RIGHT THEN AND THERE, but he has to ask, knowing how paranoid you can get afterwards.

"..can you handle intercourse right now?" He asked, gripping a fistful of your hair and dragging your head back to bite on your neck and sniff, making you know that even if you say no, he'll never stop jerking off on that bed all night long because of you, you look down at his hard cock, making you bite your lip, his hand cups your pussy , caressing your sensitive folds, coaxing you to say yes, "is this a yes? You feel that pretty pussy asking for hubby's cock baby?" He coos, You moan, letting him know that it's a damn official yes and he didn't waste any more time, immediately pushing his tip inside your cunt followed by every inch, he groans in sync with your loud moan at the sensation of finally feeling this again.

Minutes pass and you're now a flushed, moaning mess with tears running down your temples and hair tousled in the sheets, the sight only making him go feral, changing angles every two minutes, hitting deeper and scratching every itch of yours, "you're so tight...fuck and you smell like pure debauchery right now baby.." a hot, panting laugh escapes him, as he continues his thrusts, but even in this situation, your insecurities were still there, and you decided to try to make him look at you, even tho you knew he becomes an animal in heat when he's like that, but it was as if your insecurities were challenging you...you mumble weakly "babe look at me .." but all you get back is two hungry, mad eyes "shut up not now...not when your pussy is feeling this nice baby..okay?."

His gaze softens SLIGHTLY as he looks at you and remembers you're his little lovely woman who's always paranoid and insecure, before sliding his middle and ring finger inside your mouth, he loved being surrounded by your soft inner flesh squeezing him everywhere, he loves feeling possessed by your warmth and giving it back to you, your pussy immediately clench around his cock when you feel his possession of you, the fierce love and lust making you spread your legs wider looking for a fourth orgasm when you feel your pussy getting this slippery, and when he sees the sight in front of him, his eyes almost pop out of his head, your legs wide open, your face flushed and tears all over it, hair in the sheets and your breasts bouncing.

the thought that his thrusts can't get stronger already gets forgotten when he starts fucking you senseless, the bed creaking and skin slapping and here is when your screams couldn't be held back anymore, you grip the sheets in your hands and scream his name nonstop "won... please don't stop..." Your voice making him grip your waist tighter, fucking you fast and hard , the strokes making you feel like your walls are about to explode due to the thick pressure pushing them apart , he reaches out, rubbing your clit, his gaze on his bulge beneath the skin of your lower abdomen.

you start gasping for air when the familiar lightness of your hips starts taking over you making you grind against him, your eyes rolling back as you let out a choked moan, your walls yet again squeezing his dick inside you, and this was all he needed to let go, his hips jerking deep inside you as he groans, his head tilted back and eyes squeezed shut, his hot seed planted deep in your precious inside as he gives a few more thrusts riding out your orgasms. You thought he'd stop now, but the thrusts to calm his twitching dick down only seemed to arouse him again, he didn't stop, and there you were overstimulated and still taking his cock like the good wife that you are, more tears spilling down but your worn out expression only makes him go insane.

His hands grip your breasts making you gasp, it was satisfying, even when you thought you can't cum a fifth time, he continues fucking you madly, there was another hole in the back, but he always thought why would he use it when your puffy tight cunt is there?

Sweat forming on his whole body as he fucks you like a psychopath, you look at him with your completely wrecked expression and it melts your heart seeing obsessed he looks right now, you'll never stop him, even when his thumbs spread your folds to look at his length getting sucked inside then harshly pulling back out, he hisses at the sight, eyes fixated in there and as he starts rolling his hips sensually you knew he was in the verge of filling you up again, you start tightening your cervix muscles, making him roar "uhhh just like that...fuck that ..." He smacks your clit making you whimper just when he buries himself to the hilt, throbbing his hot seed yet again deep inside you, he's now with both elbows on each side of your head, giving the last thrusts to feel the best of his orgasm before he finally collapses on top of you, sticky with sweat and his softened member inside you.

after catching his breath, he rolls off of you, pulling out making you both wince at the light stroke of your two overstimulated privates, he looks down watching his cum leaking out of you and falling on the towel beneath you, before he lights a cigarette as you both stare at the ceiling, the smoke coming out of his mouth, giving you that familiar atmosphere after every sex session, and the silence after that sex with so many unspoken things left you two in confusion, he looks over at you before whispering in a hoarse voice "c'mere" pulling you with one arm around your bare waist easily, you automatically rest your head on his chest, you hand on his abs as he continues smoking his cigarette for minutes.

After it's all burnt, he sits up resting your head on the pillow, crashing his cigarette off in the ashtray on the nightstand, he surprises you by kissing your lower tummy "you were such a good girl for me" he whispered making your tired self smile, brushing your legs against one another despite the discomfort in between them, you stay there drowning in your thoughts again when he heads to the bathroom, wetting a towel with warm water before walking back to you, parting your legs with caring hands and cleaning up the mess, without forgetting to take the towel that's soaked in your fluids from beneath you, heading back to the bathroom yet again, you hear him washing things and moving around, when he steps back into the room, he heads towards the wardrobe slipping in one of his boxers and grabbing one light, silk nightie for you, he helps you into it and kisses your neck softly "are you tired baby?" He asked as you nodded, he gets under the blanket seeking warmth when your bodies come down from the high and processes the chill weather, pulling you with him, letting you rest your head on his chest again as he caressed your scalp and shoulders.

meanwhile, you were fighting sleep there, the only thing stopping you was your doubts, and you finally look up at him,after all this vulnerability and connection, you can't keep being so bitchy about it, "jungwon" catching his attention "hm?" He looks down at you, before you blurt out:

"do you look at me sometimes and wish I was more.... sophisticated? More...into serious, important society? Like.. employed and all?" You look away feeling ashamed of your way of thinking and the fact that his hurtful words from that heated argument actually did have an impact on you.

he shakes his head.

"babe, I know I said some hurtful things and used your insecurities against you, I feel like a bastard for doing so I swear..." He looks into your eyes, leaning dangerously close that your noses are touching before he whispers again "you're as serious and as important as any other human being on this earth ..and even more for me" he kisses your lips gently, leaving a faint taste of cinnamon and cigarettes before whispering again with one hand buried in your hair locks and the other pulling the nightie's strap off your shoulder to caress it:

"you keep that house a home for me, you make me laugh and ease my burdens..you even blow your back cleaning and cooking...and if it wasn't you making me feel alive...god..I don't know how I could've survived every obstacle that has ever came my way baby"

You nuzzle his nose sensually, your vulnerability taking over you as your whispers shake

"I'm sorry for doubling your stress Hun.."

He captures your lips in a deep kiss, sucking your lips into his every time the kiss was about to break, but it eventually does as you both pant, he lets out a breathy chuckle.

"god, many women at work say they wish they were housewives and creating families, I'll never understand women" he laughs, making you smack his chest gently "shut up won you know nothing" you whine tiredly, he smiles tenderly looking at you.

"oh babe I know everything, I know what's going on inside that little head of yours, I know what you love, I know the exact same house you dream of spending a few weeks with me in" he winks as realization hits you like a truck, it was it, the place you always wrote about in your notes, the simple old fashioned house with simple decorations and a fireplace, the cozy bedroom and the painting of the girl by the river that was exactly facing the bed.

you gasp softly and look up at him "no you didn't..." You whisper in disbelief, feeling guilty for all the times you hated how he's always busy, before he cuts you off "yes I did, those nights out, those busy days were all for working on this..." He knocks on your head gently "little dream haven of yours, woman" you immediately hug him tightly,

"I love you I love you I love you" he hugs back "pull away you smell like sex.." he teases along while burying his face on your neck and hugging you tightly against him "ugh go away, go away you little beautiful woman.." he laughs and you do as well.

"sometimes I can't believe you're a grown man, doing things such as putting snacks somewhere and disappearing like santa.." you laugh at him.

"oh shut up, we both know we both have high ego, just imagine after that argument i give you a packet of candies and be like here's your favourite , woman, you'd put it up my ass" he looks at you, his smile softening "but I managed to make you sleep deeply with the last bottle of chocolate milk, you were drinking like a child being all grumpy about me packing 'my bags' , not knowing I was actually planning to kidnap you" he makes you both giggle, continuing the lazy banter in the sheets.

joking for minutes before sleep steals both your minds, the comfort in each other's arms even making you oversleep the next day, cuz your mind and his, had finally found the answer to everything, and you finally feel worthy again.

@twiishaa @slut4hee @stvrrylove @nodoubtily @nanahachi3 @enhard @onlygarden @kikidoul

[killerplink]

Y'all, I have a bad case of Nightwing brain rot lmao, so here's more of this hottie 🤭 (I have more lined up bc my brain is that horny)

Pairing: Dick Grayson x Female Reader

Words: 2,8k

Plot: After a brutal night on patrol, Dick comes home sore, bruised, and aching for relief. You take it upon yourself to help him unwind.

CW: 18+, smut, established relationship, deep throating, cum swallowing, masturbation, finger fucking, a bit of fluff ✨

Dick stumbles through the front door sometime after midnight, looking like he's been through hell and back, and he might as well have been. Gotham never lacks crime, never gives him a break, and he's always out there fighting it, night after night, no matter how much it wears him down.

The suit is scuffed, his lip is split, and you know he's sore just from the way he moves—stiff, tense, muscles wound tight from the night's work. But no matter how brutal the night gets, his favorite part of every day is always the same—coming home to you.

"Dick, my love, you look like shit," you murmur, but there's no bite in it, just worry, just love.

He chuckles, breathless, kicking off his boots. "Feel like it, too."

He leans down, his lips brushing against yours softly, but you notice the way he winces slightly, just the faintest hint of pain behind his expression. His hand presses against the couch for support, his body still heavy with exhaustion and soreness. But even as he winces, his kiss is tender, a stark contrast to the tension in his muscles.

He doesn't let it stop him, though—he deepens the kiss, his tongue slowly slipping into your mouth, desperate to feel something other than pain, something that can make him forget about the night's brutality.

You reach up, cupping his face gently, your thumb brushing across his jaw. His skin is warm and smooth, feeling soft under your touch. You kiss him back slowly, savoring the taste of him, the way his lips move against yours despite the ache in his body.

The tension in him fades with your touch, his breath soft as he exhales. You let your fingers trace along his face, grounding him, showing him without words that you're here, that you're not going anywhere.

A hot shower helps, washing away the blood and grime, easing some of the ache. When he steps out, towel slung low on his hips, you're already waiting, first-aid kit open, ready to tend to the bruises and scrapes he can't just sleep off.

"Sit, baby."

He obeys, spreading his legs slightly as he settles onto the couch. You step between them, your fingers gentle as you dab at the cut above his brow, then move lower, tending to the scrape along his ribs.

His hands—large, warm, still calloused from the night's work—find your waist, thumbs rubbing slow circles against your skin. There's nothing overtly sexual about it, not at first, just quiet affection, just him touching you because he needs to, grounding himself in the warmth of your body.

You don't miss the way his eyes soften, the way he looks at you—like you're the only thing that matters. Like you're the only reason he comes home. Your touch is careful, practiced, but he still hisses when you press an alcohol wipe to his skin.

"Sorry," you whisper, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth, soothing him the way you always do.

And maybe it's the way he melts under you, or maybe it's just the way he looks—hair damp, muscles flexing under your touch, towel still hanging precariously off his hips—but fuck, you want him.

Want to make him forget about the pain, the bruises, the tension still lingering in his body.

So you press another soft kiss to his jaw, then lower, lips grazing his throat, his muscular chest. His breath stutters as you sink to your knees between his legs, fingers trailing over his stomach, teasing along the waistband of his towel.

"Baby," he murmurs, voice already strained, already knowing.

You tilt your head, blinking up at him with the most innocent expression you can muster, though your hands are anything but. One tug, and the towel falls open, his cock already half-hard, lying heavy against his thigh.

Pretty, just like the rest of him.

Because fuck, even his dick is beautiful—long, thick, flushed a deep shade of pink at the tip, veins running along his shaft, curving just slightly in a way that always hits just right inside you.

He's gorgeous everywhere, even here, even like this, leaking precum and twitching under your touch, aching to be inside you, to stretch your needy cunt open and fill you up just the way you love.

You hum, dragging your fingers up his length, tracing the veins, teasing the flushed, leaking tip with your thumb. He throbs under your touch, jaw clenching as his breath hitches.

"You don't have to—"

"I want to," you whisper, pressing a soft kiss to the head of his cock, tasting the first bead of precum. "Let me take care of you, baby."

And then you part your lips and take him in.

His head drops back against the couch with a low groan, fingers threading into your hair as you sink down, slow and deliberate, hollowing your cheeks as you suck him deeper. The stretch of him on your tongue is perfect, thick and heavy, and you moan around him just because you can't help it.

His cock is so big in your mouth, your lips stretched wide around him, your jaw already aching as you push yourself further down his length. He's barely even halfway in, but you don't stop—you need this, need to make him fall apart for you.

"F-fuck, that mouth—"

His grip in your hair tightens, not pushing, just holding, like he needs the anchor, like the pleasure is already threatening to pull him under. You work him slow at first, sucking, licking, teasing your tongue along the underside of his dick just to feel the way he shudders.

But you don't hold back for long—you can't. Not when he sounds so good, not when he's gripping the couch like he's barely holding on.

So you take a breath, relax your throat, and sink down.

His gasp is sharp, raw, his hips jerking just slightly as his cock slides deep, deeper, past your tongue, past your gag reflex, until your nose is flush against his pelvis. Your throat clenches around him, and his entire body shakes.

"Holy fuck—"

The thought barely registers in his head before you swallow, your throat tightening around his cock, sucking him down like you need it, like you're fucking starving for him.

"Jesus," he rasps, breath shuddering, "fuck, baby—"

Your nails dig into his thigh as you bob your head, deep-throating him over and over, your throat stretched perfectly around him. He's never felt anything like it—so fucking hot and wet and tight, your tongue pressing against the underside of his cock just right.

You're gonna fucking ruin him.

His jaw clenches, his abs tightening as he fights the urge to just fuck your throat, to chase the heat of it, to feel you struggle and choke around his dick. But you're already pushing yourself, already moaning like you love it, like you need this just as much as he does.

And fuck, that's what kills him the most—the way you enjoy this, the way you look at him, your eyes all hazy and desperate as you take him deeper, your throat convulsing around his cock.

Then you pull back just enough to take a breath, spit trailing from your lips to his length as you stroke him, looking up at him with those eyes, so fucked-out, so eager.

"You taste so fucking good," you murmur, tongue flicking over the head of his cock, licking up his precum. "Even your dick is perfect."

He laughs, breathless, wrecked. "Jesus, baby—"

Then you're back on him, sucking hard, letting him feel just how much you love this—love him. You moan around his dick, the vibrations making him curse, making his grip tighten in your hair.

And fuck, you need something too. Your free hand dips between your thighs, pushing your panties to the side, rubbing slow circles against your clit before sinking two fingers into your soaked cunt.

It's not enough—not even close. Your fingers are too short, too small, and they'll never stretch you like his do, never reach as deep as his cock does, but it's something, something to take the edge off as you swallow him down, your lips stretched wide around his cock.

Dick notices immediately. His eyes—half-lidded, dark with lust—flick down to where your hand moves between your legs.

"Are you—" his breath shudders out of him as you suck him deeper. "Fuck—touching yourself?"

You nod, moaning around his cock, your fingers fucking into your soaked cunt, the slick sound obscene as you work yourself open.

"That's—" his voice breaks on a groan as you take him deeper, nose pressing to his pelvis. "That's so fucking hot, baby—"

His cock throbs on your tongue, his abs tightening as you work him harder, faster, chasing his release as you fuck yourself with your fingers, already so close—

Then his grip in your hair tightens, tugging just enough to pull you back. And he fucking growls, fingers tangling in your hair. "Baby, I'm gonna—"

You don't give him a choice.

You take him back down, sucking him deep, moaning as you work your fingers faster inside yourself, already on the edge. He curses, hips jerking as he loses it, hot, thick ropes of cum spilling down your throat as his entire body tenses.

You swallow everything, moaning around him, letting him feel just how much you love this—love him. His cum coats your tongue, salty, thick, filling your mouth before you swallow it all, dragging your lips off his cock with a filthy, wet pop.

And that's it—that's it—the taste of him, the wrecked, desperate look in his eyes as you lick your lips, the way his cum still lingers on your tongue.

You whimper, fucking yourself faster, harder, hips grinding against your own fingers until you snap—a ragged, breathless cry tearing from your lips as the pleasure hits hard. Your swollen clit pulses, heat rushing through your body in waves, your cunt clenching down on your fingers, desperate for something more, something bigger, something his.

Your fingers work you through it, slick dripping down your thighs, soaking your hand as you shudder and moan, your body trembling, overstimulated and aching for him even as your orgasm ravages you.

And fuck, the way he watches you—eyes dark, lips parted, his still-sensitive cock twitching at the sight of you falling apart just from sucking him off. His jaw tightens, breath caught in his throat as his gaze locks onto the way your fingers rub slow, teasing circles over your oversensitive clit, how your soaked fingers slip from your fluttering hole, still dripping, still needy.

"Jesus, baby," he rasps, voice thick with heat and awe, his hands cupping your face, aching to touch you. "You're so fucking beautiful like this."

He knows that was good, knows it wasn't enough, knows you're still throbbing for him. And fuck, you need him to fix it.

Dick groans, pulling you up into his lap, his lips crashing onto yours in a deep, filthy kiss, tasting himself on your tongue. He licks into your mouth, hot and messy, his tongue sliding against yours, teasing, claiming, making you whimper into him.

His hands are already between your thighs, fingers slipping through your wetness, making you shudder. He groans against your lips, dragging his fingers through the slick dripping from your cunt, teasing your entrance before sliding up to your throbbing clit, his touch possessive, relentless. He circles it slowly, too slowly, smirking against your mouth when you whine, hips jerking forward, needy for more.

"Already so wet for me," he murmurs, voice thick with lust, fingers pressing against your clit just right, making you tremble. "Such a messy little thing, aren't you, baby?"

And fuck, you are—soaked and desperate, aching for every touch, every filthy little thing he's about to do to you.

Before you can recover, before the last wave of pleasure even fades, his fingers sink inside you—two at first, long and perfect, stretching you open in a way your own never could. A sharp gasp catches in your throat, your cunt clenching down on him instinctively, still sensitive, still reeling, but fuck, you love it.

"One more, baby," he murmurs, voice low, wrecked, pressing soft kisses to your jaw as his fingers fuck into you, slick and messy, teasing the spot inside that makes you sob. "Give me another, yeah? Let me feel you squeeze my fingers this time."

His voice is so desperate, so needy, like he needs this more than air, like he's begging you to cum for him again—just once more.

And fuck, how could you ever tell him no?

Your thighs are still shaking, muscles twitching from your last orgasm, but you spread them wider, letting him see just how messy you are, just how needy he's made you. His fingers are still inside you, knuckles deep, fucking soaked—and when you clench down around them, whining, his breath shudders.

"That's it, baby," he murmurs, eyes dark, heavy-lidded, watching you like you're the only thing in the world.

And when you rock your hips down, sinking onto his fingers with a broken gasp, he just lets you—fuck, he even helps you.

His other hand grips your hip, fingers digging in just enough to hold you steady, and every time you slide down, he curls his fingers just right—dragging against that spot inside you that makes your eyes roll back, makes your stomach tighten, pulse with the need to cum again.

"Yeah? That's what you needed?"

His voice is all heat, all filth, dripping with praise and greed, and fuck, you can only nod.

"More," you whisper, voice shaky, wrecked.

And he gives it to you.

He spreads his fingers, stretching you just a little wider, just enough to make your hips stutter, to make you whimper. The lewd, wet sounds of his fingers sliding in and out fill the room, mixing with your ragged moans, and fuck, you're close.

"You wanna cum for me, pretty girl?"

He's watching you fall apart, his cock twitching where it rests against his stomach, aching, throbbing, but he doesn't stop. He just fucks his fingers up into you harder, faster, matching the desperate way you ride them, chasing your high.

You're soaked, dripping, his hand shiny with it, and he loves it—loves how sloppy, how shameless you are for him.

Your walls clench down, pulsing around him as you gasp, moan, your whole body trembling as the orgasm crashes over you.

And fuck, the way he groans, the way he grinds his dick against your thigh, so wrecked, so desperate, tells you—he's just as fucking gone for you.

He grinds his still-hard cock against your soaked folds, feeling just how needy you still are, how your clit twitches when he rubs against it. He slides just the tip in—just to tease, just to hear you whimper—and he smirks against your mouth when you try to sink down onto him.

"Easy, baby," he murmurs, lips brushing yours, his voice low, wrecked, teasing. "You're still shaking."

And fuck, you are—still sensitive, still throbbing, still fluttering from the way he just fucked you open on his fingers. But it's not enough. Your cunt is aching for him, soaking for him, and when he nudges the head of his cock against your entrance, you whine, desperate.

"Please," you breathe, your lips brushing his, sticky, wet, still tasting like him.

But he's in no rush.

He slides the tip in, just enough to stretch you, just enough for your pussy to cling to him, and fuck, the way your slick coats his cock, mixing with his precum, makes his jaw clench.

"Fuck, baby," he groans, watching as he pulls back, just to see the way your arousal sticks to him, the way your cunt flutters around nothing, needy.

Then he does it again. Slipping just the tip in. Pulling back. Watching your slick drag across his cock.

It's torture. It's heaven. And fuck, it's so messy.

You kiss him hard, hot, sloppy, licking into his mouth, sucking on his tongue, moaning when he grinds the head of his cock against your aching clit.

"You want it that bad?" he murmurs against your lips, teasing, wrecked, cocky.

And God, you do. You whimper, grinding down, your clit rubbing against the head of his cock, so desperate, so fucking needy for him to just—

"That was—" he breathes, but the words seem to escape him.

"Hot as fuck?" you murmur against his lips.

He laughs, still breathless, still wrecked. "Yeah. That."

And you know he's already planning how to return the favor as he finally slides deep inside your aching pussy.

[spacegyaru]

DON'T LOOK AT IT! PT.2

your phone got lost for some reasons. the following day, the sex tape you made with your boyfriend (reo, hiyori, nagi, otoya, yukimiya) was all around the internet. how would they react?

cw: r18+, mdni! mentions of sex tape and implied sex. humiliation. somewhat angst and comfort. a little bit toxic, hyori is a s*dist! reo's parents don't like you!

a/n: this is the second part!! third part will be rin, isagi, chigiri, barou, oliver, and karasu 😌 i placed them last bc i think they're less likely to film one tbh

masterlist | part 1 (shidou, kaiser, bachira, & sae)

reo mikage:

to be honest, this guy is too decent to have a sex tape. but you guys ended up making two or three videos for two reasons— the first reason is because he had a one month business trip and he was out of the country, so you decided to give him something he'd love to see from time to time. second, it's because he wanted to get back to his parents for trying to set him up for another woman while he had a girlfriend, you. that time, he let all his frustrations out, bending you over while kissing your neck, jackhammering you from behind.

when your phone got lost, you didn't think that much of it. reo got you a new one. until one day, your name made it to the headlines. the video you taped with reo, him taking you roughly from behind, was all around the internet. the slicking sounds, the purple hair… it's all there.

you already felt humiliated by the public. reo was comforting you with kisses and even bought you a luxury bag in an attempt to comfort you. he also booked a private plane for the both of you to get away with problems for a while. his pr staff also tried to fix damage control by deleting all copies of it around the internet and tracking whoever posted it. he was caught just within the day. 

that didn't stop reo's mother from getting mad tho. while you guys were away, she called you to tell that you should stay away from her son. when reo heard this, he immediately grabbed the phone from you and tossed it on the bed, giving you a kiss on the cheek. 

“just stop using that phone right now and pay attention to me. also, don't mind whatever my mom tells you. you're the only one for me… and now, the whole world knows that.” 

hiori yo: 

this guy looks innocent. but don't get fooled. he's a fucking sadist. he'll beat that pussy up and he just knows the right way to do it. you'll have two to three sex tapes per month, and all of them shows how rough he could be on you. when you try to shy away from the camera, he'll hold your jaw so people could see how you look while he hits it from behind.

when your phone got lost, hiyori was the one who brought up those tapes. and he was so calm when he mentioned it, as if he doesn't have a reputation to protect as a part of a huge football team. the next few days, your name made it to the news and the video of you with your legs up to his shoulders while you were moaning his name loudly was everywhere on the internet. 

when you started being humiliated by the public, hiyori tried to comfort you. he bought you some ice cream and cuddled with you. you apologized for not taking care of your belongings but he accepted it. he even made a public apology to those who have seen it. suddenly, while you were cuddling, something hard poked between your thighs.

“oi, y/n. ya think that would go unpunished? a lot of people have seen how much of a dirty girl ya are, and i thought ya were for my eyes only.” 

nagi seishiro

i'll be pretty honest. this guy only did the sex tape because he was going to be away for a while to train overseas. and he only had one.

it wasn't even you all over his cock. it was you suckin him sloppily while he's all laid back playing with his ps5. your skirt was riding up your ass and only your face can be seen on the camera. while nagi's voice can be heard in the background telling how good you take his cock. his low voice is recognizable, and his moans were heard too. but what made him recognized the most is that you called him ‘sei’ and ‘seishiro’ in the video.

his management immediately told him to deny being part of that vid. but nagi refused to. instead, he issued an apology to the public. he'd rather take the blow rather than publicly admitting that you're a cheater. he even said that it was all his idea but did not emphasize how it happened.

nagi was pretty nonchalant about things. what's the fuss all about if the public already knew you were together? but when he saw how pretty affected you are, boi threw his hands to comfort you. he immediately bought some flowers and decided on a romantic dinner night— which ends up with the both of you playing mario kart or tekken. 

“i might look just cool on the outside but i'm kinda worried about you, babe. you need to get out of our room. let's spend some time together, okay? also, you weren't just fucking anyone. you were fucking me, babe. and i’m not just anyone.” 

otoya eita

this guy is another menace. of course he's going to have a damn sex tape cuz he's the type to parade all the girls he's rizzed on. so you guys end up recording your sex most of the time, unless it's a spontaneous one. 

when you lost your phone, you didn't think that much of it. until you saw eita looking at his phone for too long and staring at the screen. you thought he was about to follow another girl again so you grabbed it, but you saw his twitter timeline containing the one video you took with him a few months ago. you dropped his phone with a shocked face. 

you guys ended up arguing because otoya didn't take it as much of a big deal. you were literally telling him, yelling at his face, to make an apology but he didn't want to. he literally said, “why would i be sorry for fucking my own girlfriend?” you almost threw a chair at him. deep inside, he's just proud of himself. 

in the end, you ended up giving him the silent treatment, which for him, is worse than an argument with you. so he apologized with flowers, decorated your room, ordered a champagne, prepared a nice dinner— all that with rose petals on the bed and a fine massage from him. 

“fine babe. you know i hate it when you ignore me like that. i'll make it up to you okay? let me all do the work tonight and just lay on the bed.” 

yukimiya kenyu (i took so much pleasure in this) 

this guy is a closeted freak. he looks like a good boy but on the bed… he really does well. you wondered where he learned those things from when he looked so prim and proper. he loves to explore and recording a sex tape is one of the things that he wanted to try. you also agreed because you wonder if your boyfriend would still look good on the camera, even when in a pussy-drunken state. and you know the answer to that? of course he did. he looked very hot. 

when you lost your phone, the first one to actually worry is him. he immediately thought of the videos that may come out, especially your sex tapes with him. yukimiya immediately reminded you of that, but you were so complacent and didn't think of that possibility. well, he was right. and your names were written all over the social media. 

being respectful and having a good public image, yukimiya immediately apologized and let out a statement, telling people in detail what happened— how your phone got stolen and how it's suddenly uploaded by an anonymous. he even said that his management will take proper measures to track the person behind it and stuff. 

at the end of the day, what happened between you is a comfort-fest on the bed. you both snuggled together, while you cried in yukimiya's arms, telling him how much you feel humiliated. he just kept kissing your forehead while continuing to cuddle with you. 

“i know, y/n. it's an embarrassing thing, okay? but we're all just humans who make mistakes. we just have to be careful next time, okay? i love you.” 

[your-turn-to-role]

other things about campaign vox machina i have now decided it's vital for tlovm only fans to know about - so they were all in the slayer's take for a while, there was a whole mini arc about it

and the way slayer's take bounties work are often "so and so magic user needs this magical creature's body parts as spell components, so go find one and kill it, and then bring back everything on their list - money will be taken off the final reward for any parts you failed to recover or damaged in the process"

which is where vox machina learned just how expensive everything on a dragon from its eyes to its teeth to its skin is

and they've got a vex in the party

so yeah they killed the chroma conclave for the good of exandria, and in the case of thordak and raishan, personal revenge

but then with every dragon they killed they stole as much hide and scales and claws and teeth as they could physically fit in their bags of holding/colding (and i do mean that literally, there was a lot of math done over what in there is worth less than dragon skin so they could swap it with yet more dead vorugal)

but they didn't sell all of it

we may get this at the start of s4 we may not, because this time skip is when they had them made

but i feel like it's important to note after this point in the story vex's primary clothing colour was white, rather than blue, because she had a full set of leather and scale armor made from the cured remains of vorugal

and percy grabbed a dragon scale from each dragon for every one of his friends, and commisioned a jeweler they had helped earlier on their travels to make all of vox machina jewellery pieces of their choice (not all were mentioned but keyleth has a clasp holding her mantle/cloak together, vex has a hairpiece, it was suggested grog affixes his to his gauntlet), that were the five colours of dragon scale fanned out and inlaid with gemstones, in recognition of what they'd achieved

(and because percy is percy, as a way to recognise each other if it ever came to that, because each one was in some way unique to the person carrying it)

and while i don't know if the show will do a full costume change for vex (they did for keyleth, so we'll see, but the dragon scale pieces are probably too intricate for animation), i'd love to see more fanart that includes these bc they're really cool

[sunsetsover]

i wish i wasn't so exhausted because i want nothing more than to sit here and properly pick apart the inherent but unconventional ways their dom/sub dynamic presents itself between kant and bison. bc it's definitely always been there esp in these last few episodes but in episode 10 it was in everything. everything.

the pool scene was obvious. i already pulled that apart. but it was also in the way kant's reaction to being told off for being distracting during the mission was so different from the way bison reacted when kant told him off - bison basically looks like he's indulging a pouting child, while kant's face drops and he gets all sad looking. and it's in how different their reactions were to the being distracted too, how kant whined about how bison had promised not to distracted while bison firmly tells kant off for even trying.

and it's in how pissed and hurt kant when he finally saw bison in that car park - imo not so much because bison had told him they needed to stay away from each other, but because bison had been sneaking around watching kant when kant had no way of seeing bison or knowing he was alright at all, and that was so unfair to him, because that's not how it was supposed to work between them. they had just found their equilibrium and here bison was knocking it off kilter by giving and receiving while simultaneously withholding kant's ability to give and receive back. and that's not how they were supposed to work.

and it's in how silly kant was. how rambly and cute when he talked about the titanic experiment he saw or when he tried to get bison to reenact the king of the world scene. but also the way kant was just a brat the entire episode - going kinda rogue while on mission and mentioning the narc thing when he knows it pisses bison off and constantly pushing and pushing and pushing bison to find where the line is where bison will stop indulging him and start reprimanding him.

and it's the way bison does reprimand him and how kant listens. and it's in the way kant's eyes got all big and pleading when bison got all pissy and asked him if he wanted another scratch - and dare i say that and the pool scene were the first real little glimpses we see of what kant's like in actual subspace. and it's in the way you see bison notice that and realise kant's reacting positively, and how he reacts to that reaction with clear desire, but also decides to store that info away as opposed to acting on it bc it's not the time or place.

and most of all it's in kant asking bison to teach him to be like him. in kant handing himself over to bison the assassin and going 'use me. please please make use of me. mould me into a weapon you can wield.' and bison refusing to do that. refusing to make a killer of the boy he loves. in bison knowing kant's limit when kant doesn't and not crossing it. of protecting him from himself. but also making use of him anyway. knowing kant well enough to know that that's what he needed. to be used. because being used is being useful, and being useful is what kant has learned will have him kept around. and bc right now they don't have the time or spare energy to start unpicking that knot, bison meets it where it is: he finds uses for kant while also doing everything he possibly can to give kant agency and control: you don't have to do this. i can take it from here. will you help me with one more thing?

i know i've missed so much that i will kick myself for later. i also know this is incoherent. i've got maybe 10 hours of sleep in the past week. but i can't stop thinking about this fucking dynamic. it's so unique and yet so well defined in what it is. and i know the people that don't get that dynamic won't get what i'm trying to point at with this post. and tbh i get it! as obvious as it is there's also something elusive about it! it reminds me of that kaveh akbar quote where he's says trying to describe god is like trying to imagine a bladeless knife with no handle. the more language you try to put to kant and bison's dynamic, the more it recedes from view.

[fangirl-erdariel]

One thing that sometimes bugs me in the comparisons to Tolkien is that - it's not even like Tolkien's works are entirely devoid of sexual violence?? Like. He doesn't go into graphic detail on it, it's not something Tolkien has in central focus. But it most definitely is there. (And hey, Tolkien also doesn't go into detail on non-sexual violence if he doesn't need to)

More specific examples and rambling on the topic under the cut, bc this got long on what is already a long post

It really doesn't take a particularly attentive reader to figure out Wormtongue's intentions and desires regarding Éowyn, for instance; like yeah he never lays a hand on her as far as we know, but the threat of what could have happened if he'd gotten his way is... pretty obvious

And Silmarillion has its share of male characters desiring women (or the political power of those women's families, depending) and attempting (sometimes succeeding) to force them into marriage. I don't feel like getting involved in the debate of whether Aredhel initially not being "wholly unwilling" to marry Eöl and stay in Nan Elmoth disqualifies her from the list or whether the amount of coercion involved is enough to still make it count.

But Lúthien most definitely is kidnapped against her will, and though she escapes before anything happens, Celegorm's intention explicitly was to marry her whether she wanted or not. Upon seeing Lúthien, Morgoth, the evil dark lord "conceived in his thought an evil lust, and a design more dark than any that had yet come into his heart", and I think we all can figure out what that is (and his lines in the Lay of Leithian, talking of Lúthien as "a pretty toy for idle hour" and speaking about kissing and then bruising and crushing pretty flowers... it's not particularly subtle), even if once again he doesn't get to actually do so.

And there's Maeglin, who desires Idril, and who is promised "the possession of Idril" as reward for betraying the location of the hidden realm of Gondolin, "and indeed desire for Idril -- led Maeglin the easier to his treachery"

And in the children of húrin bit there's Aerin of the folk of Hador whom the invader lord Brodda takes as wife against her will. And then of course there's Míriel of Númenor, whom her cousin Pharazôn forcibly marries in order to seize her throne that is rightfully there

All those are just what I can think of off the top of my head; I'm sure there'd be more examples if I cared to go digging through the material, but I can't be bothered

So, like. Yeah. Sure. Tolkien doesn't really ever use the word "rape" for the things that happen (he seems to mainly use that word in the more archaic meaning of large-scale destruction and/or robbery by violent means, rather than in its modern definition). And in Lúthien and Idril's cases, of course ultimately nothing happens, they escape and all. And as noted, Aredhel's case is more debatable since she wasn't "wholly unwilling". But still.

I'm pretty dang sure that Tolkien understood that a woman being married against her will would be subjected to sexual violence, and is assuming that to be the reader's understanding of the situation when those cases come up. Gríma's, Morgoth's, and Maeglin's intentions towards the women they desire are definitely to be understood as violent and with no care towards what the women in question want (and at least in Morgoth's case, judging by Lay of Leithian, even actively delighting in the idea of doing it by force to an unwilling victim)

And just. I don't know. It kind of bugs me when people act like Tolkien's setting and works are unrealistic because they're devoid of sexual violence? Like. Well first of all, as earlier posters in the thread have pointed out, massive amounts of sexual violence aren't necessarily realistic to begin with. But like also it is a thing that does happen in the setting too... I don't even mean this as a like "oh isn't it so fun doesn't this make the books so much more adult" or anything, and I understand people who enjoy Tolkien's books because it doesn't have like explicit rape scenes the way some other authors do. I just like... the fact that people keep claiming that sexual violence pretty much doesn't even exist in Middle-Earth, when it very much does, it's just kind of left as a threat and an implication or spoken of in very vague terms, is kind of baffling? Honestly it kinda gives the impression that the person saying it either hasn't read Tolkien since they were thirteen or doesn't actually spend the time to understand what the text they're reading means beyond the most obvious surface level. Or they're deliberately saying something that isn't true because it serves some point they want to make

Like, just because something is not shown explicitly in graphic detail with pages upon pages of description, doesn't mean it's not there in the story or the setting at all? You're supposed to pick up on implications and read between the lines and understand those as deliberate choices from the author and a part of the story and setting too?

Someone over on Discord asked, "I'm morbidly curious: How BAD is A Song of Ice and Fire in terms of the authenticity George claims it to be?"

My reply was straightforward:

The long and the short of it is that ASOIAF is basically a vehicle for GRRM to present both his rape fetish and his Hobbesian view on human nature and has less historical accuracy than Frozen or most other Disney movies.

That's actually a good way to think of it, now that I've said it--he's Family Unfriendly, they're Family Friendly, but both have the same relationship with History: just Pure Aesthetic with no consideration for how the worldbuilding would work.

[kurokawaia]

Itachi and you bask in the moonlight being shaded by the shoji screens, holding each other close gassing bare skin, arms tightly around one another. You can feel it, the gentle heartbeat coming from his chest as your head lay there. It wasn’t too long when you felt your eyes beginning to sting but not because you are staring at the candle flickering on the dresser.

Your eyes beginning to blur before you feel the warm trickle of liquid slide down the slide of your face, dripping onto Itachi’s skin. His lips part, about to say something, worried for you but he stops, watching as a shaky breath leaves your lips, ready to say what's on your mind. He couldn't help but feel almost scared at what words that are about to fall out your mouth. His arms tighten around you and you nuzzle your face closer to him even though you physically couldn't because your already there.

“I wish I had been born as your heart, so when you’d die… I’d die with you," you say quietly, willing the words to stay inside of you, to bottle it up but you couldn't as they tumble shakily from you swollen lips. Itachi will be gone soon, he'll be gone and you don't know if you could handle it.

Itachi tenses, his whole body freezing up when he processes what you had just said, refusing to believe that such words could be spoken by someone as bubbly as you. He realises that you love him just that much that you wish to go with him and his heart breaks. “Please… please don’t say that.”

Do not copy, steal, modify, etc. Relogs and like are appreciated.

taglist :: @crushmeeren @ahamasmiyodhah

this happened in my dream a few nights ago and it felt so real, at first i was excited bc i has getting held by itachi but then I STARTED CRYING AND I SAID THAT :((((( i think i also said that bc im rewatching fruits basket for the nth time and i jst finished that ep when rin says that to haru, yes i willingly rewatch fruits basket to go through the pain.

[ngage2003]

There is a joke that always stuck with me from the blu-rays/cast commentary, that being that Jay is a nepo baby and that is how he kept affording motels and gas and food for years, even with no job and a growing obsession. Like a dog to a chewed on and wilting sock, this is an idea I have latched onto and grown unreasonably obsessed with, which I personally believe kind of explains aspects of Jay's character.

⟦content warning: serious headcanon territory, but also still a lot of character analysis bc im coocoo⟧

At the start of the series and even into season 2 of Marble Hornets, I think it could definitely be argued that Jay is a passive character before his continued exposure to the Operator.

Now, that isn't to say he is meek (quiet, gentle, and easily imposed on) but he is very guarded, very willing to fade into the background or just go along with other people. I honestly think that is part of why Alex chose him as script supervisor. Because Alex can be fun but he is bossy and has a very specific vision and likes getting his way. (A trait thats honestly pretty normal, especially in artistic types.)

It is important not to conflate Jay's willingness to avoid conflict with submissiveness, gentleness or a lack of care though. Jay still has his own ideas, and when left to his own devices, a deadly curiosity. (That is why Marble Hornets as an online series started.) He still gets angry too, like when Alex is leading him around in circles because he refuses to/can't kill Jay, but also refuses to tell him what is going on. Jay is forced into action after dealing with this behavior for months, but even before then we see him getting more and more frustrated behind the scenes. (Entry 39 is the first example that comes to my mind.)

It also is important to not misconstrue his selfishness, as many people in this fandom do. Jay Merrick is a bit of a dick. (That is why he gets along with Alex.) He lies to Tim very poorly the first time they meet to get information out of him rather than try to directly ask, he didn't help Masky to the hospital after his leg was broken—yes, he thought what Alex did was wrong but ultimately stayed with him and kept following him for answers. Even with Jessica, part of the reason he cares so much is because he feels guilty/responsible and he is, he pulled her into this out of his damn curiosity!

Statement: I believe Jay holds extreme guilt over Jessica being brought into this and what happened to her. Evidence: in Entry 77, when Tim is saying, "there is two possibilities for what happened to jessica," Jay out of the blue says, "It wouldn’t be my fault!" at about 2:43. Tim never implied it was and the only reason I can see Jay to unprompted say this is because he believes it was.

Jay Merrick is someone defined by curiosity and selfish, but while habitually passive. He lies to hide what he wants and what he is doing, sometimes for an understandable reason but also sometimes out of just, once again, habit.

The question easily comes, why is he like that?

Well! Stick with me here—I think is because Jay Merrick IS a nepo baby. Specifically, I think he grew up in a household where his parents were neglectful, and when he was visiblly upset, that was repaid with harsh rejection and then money or expensive apologies rather than concrete change. It was a situation where, while his needs weren't being met, getting angry at it also feels bad because of how we as a society (and his parents specifically too) worship money.

I think his curiosity partially comes from this neglect too, as growing up his parents brushing off questions and lacking support always left him wanting more but without a way to voice it, leaving him with this lifelong unease and need for answers. His parents kind of forgot what it was like to be a kid and how you literally don't know anything, and would often brush off certain things because of this. Additionally, growing up this way also left him a bit selfish, as coming from a place of wealth, being neglected, and being somewhat isolated growing up as a "weird"/visibly autistic kid, that all left him struggling to connect to people and with his own empathy, as we see in canon. This doesn't make him a bad person inherently or anything, but is just a part of who he is. Aside from the obvious case of Jay dragging Jessica into this, I think an example of this is how in Entry 66, when Tim is laying out all his trauma, there is an interaction that goes like this:

Tim: One of the problems I was having was hallucinations. I had a lot of them. [...] [W]henever they would find me [after i escaped from my room,] I would say that I was hiding from whatever it was I was seeing so they’d bring me back and they didn’t have much of a choice except to lock me in here. That’s when it was at its worse. I’d be clawing at the walls and screaming at all hours of the night, they had to up my dosage just to calm me down, to the point that I was almost numb. Jay: But these hallucinations, what did they look like?

You could say his disregard is due to shock, but in my opinion that'd be a bit too forgiving. Sure, Tim is talking about his awful childhood and he is being pretty vivid but, Jay already knew about it to some extent due to his records, and while generally he is closed off and hard to read, he seems more uneasy with Tim's yelling than shocked. Jay's default is just curiosity and wanting answers, that is just kind of a pattern with him, even/especially at the expense of others.

I think he is so passive also because of his home life. Specifically, that was what made living at home easiest, with parents who like having you as a trophy but don't actually care about you. Keeping your head down is how you survive, and he kind of just accepted that "ok this is how the world works." Everyone wants something from you (a compliment, a second opinion that is more vapid support than substance, praise,) and giving it to them makes it easier. I think Alex wheedled him sometimes to try to get him out of that shell, but to some extent also he liked it, liked having someone who agrees with him, and in turn Jay admired his outspoken nature, blatant hatred of his parents, and tolerance for Jay's "weirdness". (Hyperfixations.) They weren't necessarily super duper healthy, but they were two traumatized kids clinging to each other, and sometimes that's just how the cookie crumbles, especially when you're isolated.

I also think, due to being a late 80s-90s kid, Jay did grow up with the internet and probably to some extent was unmonitored, which definitely influenced and impacted him but also did inspire his love of technology. (Specifically film/cameras.) I think it also to some extent fed into his worse habits by accident though, just the unfortunately common attitudes highlighted by the internet, but also was the original way he sated his curiosity. I think his propensity to tell "white lies," could have easily come from this exposure too.

I have a lot of specific instances tie to Jay's childhood that in my brain define why he is Like That, but this is just an overview of my main thoughts and I hope it makes sense.

[thatbitchery]

HOW TO SCHOOL ; A COMPREHENSIVE GUIDE BY A CHAIN SCHOOLER.

Given I've been in school for 21years continuously now I'll say at this point I'm a professional in the art of schooling x studying, at least the ADHD ver. Random tips;

Go to your strengths and align with them. If you're a thinker go to the thinkings the math the Eng Lit or Lit the Calculus the classes that require for your to think. If you're a knower go to the knowings the history the Geography the Religion the Biology etc. If you're a doer go to the doings the Math the Physics the IT the Business. Go where your strengths are why suffer.

Your reputation does, in fact, proceed you. Teachers are just people and like people they are biased. School is for networking 190000× more than it is for education. And teachers are people too that can and should be networked with. If you need me to teach you how to build a reputation in school I will.

All rounders make it farthest. My formula is - one sport that does what I need it to (volleyball for cardio) and do everything in my power to be captain (I've always been). Two, a club that ticks my boxes. This has always been journalism club for me I knewww I wanted to be in journalism and communication early. Being part of the school paper (was chair in high school and editor in Uni). Leadership of student body (House captain for me. In high school. Wanted Library captain so bad but heh. Could be just being in the student council. My tip, high rank low responsibility) and take part in the most mediocre activity around (for me was Christian Council. All we did was nothing). It's the basis of- Who are you? And in life who you are is more important than what you know. Or better - what do people know you as? Keeping in mind it follows you. How people see an ex beauty queen isn't the same way they see an Ex head of student council. Also the busier you are the less time you have for all that. Alll of that. That drama thing you keep getting caught up in. + Your networks are wider so you skip the loneliness tax ie the number of things you do because you're lonely. The scrolling. The getting clingy and attached to random people that give you attention for 6 seconds. The dating people you don't even like. The over eating and over spending and- loneliness tax. We know it. Some of y'all on Tumblr rn paying it.

Always. Always. Alwaysss look your best in the most natural way possible. The world does not take kindly to unkempt women and it also doesn't want to know you pour energy into being kempt. What does this have to do with school? If you're below 25 likely you've spent 3/4 of your life in school. That's a lot of time for people to be taking jabs at your appearance or bullying you or talking hell behind your back or not coming into your space because there's no value attached to it (bc girl to girl, before you hit 25 your only value is your beauty. Again why I don't want you to date). Just make your hair and skin and nails and steam your clothes and don't look homeless it's that easy. And don't wear the eyelash extensions that look fake or the fillers or the red lips or- as natural as possible. It's school. Unless you want slaaat treatment .

Use your syllabus. I can not explain enough how much this is the way to study. Every start of semester your professor is required to release the syllabus. It has topics, subs and objectives. You see the objectives? Use those as study guides. By the end of that topic you should be able to answer the objectives if framed as questions.

Pre- during- post. You study the material pre class, on the day you'll have the class. Just go through it try answer questions. During class you listen and make side notes. After class you make the notes in writing and then go to the questions. If there are YouTube or Video or Audio explanations listen to them after making the notes and make sure you know what they're on about. DO NOT SLEEP if you know for a fact you can not recall it all. Scary hour night ver- get a pen and blank paper, offhead use objectives to write all you remember, go through the notes one more time. Thank me later.

Brown Noise White Noise- this is bs. Do what works for you there's no study noise that's standardized. I need to listen to cars and people talking noises to study some people need to listen to white noise I know someone that listens to Kpop some need no background noise so no one cares. The one rule is- IT CAN NOT BE IN A LANGUAGE YOU UNDERSTAND. The background noise CAN NOT BE IN A LANGUAGE YOU UNDERSTAND.

Niche. The niches are where it's at. Don't know what language to learn? Norwegian. How many people you know have self taught Norwegian. Exactly. If I said I speak french and someone says they speak Norwegian, automatically who sounds more disciplined and interesting? See the class that has 5 kids? Take that one for extra creds. Swimming? Deep sea diving. Stand out. Stand out.

Information retention happens in activity. Study sitting recall walking around or running or cleaning etc. The science is when you're active you need to be 10× more alert because your body id constantly scamming for threats and when you're sitting you signal to your body you're safe sooo why would it be that alert? Do your active recall on your morning jog. not yoga not activities meant for relaxing. (PS biohacking is a whole superpower and I'd teach you but I don't agree with the popular methods {when have I ever} and given my autism they probably only work for me so find your ver. Andrew Huberman is so extensive on this)

Have a signature. Sit same spot daily , have a same scent, have things that make you memorable and are associated with you. Why does it matter in school - for the exact same reason it matters everywhere, coupled by under 25 that's where you spend 3/4 of your life?

Mind the business that pays you. Stay in your lane, do your thing. Never commit to one group of friends and talk to everyone. Don't play social justice warrior matter of fact if you have to play a role move all the way over to Blair Waldorf Alison De Laurentis kind of bitchy but without being queen bee that's. Lmao. What is that. Do your thing and go home. Hang out with as many people as you can. Don't commit don't pick a side mind the business that pays you.

I'm begging you to be financially smart. Unfortunately there's no standard for this so we can work it out one on one I have all the time in the world pre August we can do it.

Boys. Stay. As. Far. Away. From. Those. I don't want you to date girls either I don't want you to date at all idc where you swing but generally I want you to know what ever a man does the women closest to him will pay for it. Even just *friends* yes be acquaintances yes hang out but NEVER let a man be a part of your identity all his problems will be yours but ×10 by associations. You see how Rihanna said 'your wife in the backseat of my car' when it's the man that messed up? that's life. THATS LIFE. Whatever a man does, the women around him will pay for it 1000×, and it's almost impossible to shake out a man's social imprint on you. Even just by vicinity. In the least literal sense of the phrase, fuck all these men.

[boromoony]

as much as i don't want this to be true, i need to admit that this indeed could happen with poor Remus. And he's not even doing it with ill intentions, he's just to busy with the issues he has with himself.

but i have to add, as smbd who's last relationship ended mostly bc of this of a situation: i had to learn that just loving him (my ex) isn't enough. And for him to just love me wasn't enough too.

Bc no matter how much i loved him, he didn't wanted to give me the love, the commitment and the relationship i wanted / i needed / i cried & begged for.

And just as he was telling me that he loves me, whenever i complained, i realized it wasn't enough.

if he loved me, why would he keep on hurting me instead of changing? instead of compromising with me? instead of listening to what i need?

He told me he hasn't such high standards as i do, and he's frugal. He told me he loved me and that's all i am allowed to demand from him. That he knows i want / need smth from him, but he doesn't know how to give it to me. That it's all a me-problem, not his. 2 months later i broke up with him, and i hate how much time, energy, health, money and resources i lost in those 17 months i've known him.

So please, my dearest friends, mutuals, writers, creators and followers! You deserve better! Don't let this happen to you. Learn from my mistake and chase for a better love.

It was a lesson of course.

But it was also so so so draining.

Before meeting him i was struggling with my mental health, have just managed to pull myself up, and the time i've spent with this human has brought me to darker places than ever.

i'm over him, but i'm still working on getting out of that darkness, even now. (i'm sorry for tainting the mood the last weeks here, i isolated too much and urgently needed warmth and comfort)

kitchen

remus lupin x reader one-shot ! warnings: my beta reader rated it 12/10 angst, do with that what you will. word count: 2,889 masterlist a/n: this is so sad. this is rlly just me partly reflecting my break up onto Remus i AM SO SORRY IN ADVANCE.

You stared at the side of Remus’s face as he talked with James. Your brother ever the animated man, waved his arms around and spoke excitedly, to which Remus could only muster small chuckles and low-toned responses. 

You knew he was tired. 

Work was tiring. 

The moon was tiring. 

His body was tired. 

Part of you was still left with a bitter aftertaste from his apathy. You pressed a kiss against his bicep.

Remus’s lips pressed into a thin line resembling a smile. You knew it meant he was itching to leave. But you didn’t move. You sat, and stared, at him, at James, at Lily. At nothing at all. You laughed when they did, and put your hand on his forearm as to remind yourself of the spark between you. To remind yourself that he was here, with you and that he loved you.

That you loved him too.

You wondered if he had always been this way. Had you just been too in love to notice the apathy? The way he seemed to not even try to reciprocate any energy? Were you just being too needy? 

Was James not bothered by his friend’s lack of emotion? 

You and Remus had too much history. You could not remember what life was like without being with him. It had been years. Years of running up and down behind your twin brother and his friends, years of hands intertwined with Remus’s, kisses first shared in the dark— Merlin forbid your brother found out at the time. You had been happy. For years. Even with the ups and downs and the mercurial nature of his moods. Maybe lunar is a better word for it.

The waning and waxing phases of the way he felt about the world. You thought that might be the hardest part of it all. 

The way he’d be enthusiastic about the future one week, talking about job postings that had piqued his interest, talking about a future. But other weeks, the dark side of the moon reared its ugly head. He’d be riddled with doubts and fears. Days and weeks were he simply wallowed, days where he haunted your room or your kitchen, for hours. He’d reluctantly go to his muggle job, the monotony of it all bringing his mood down even more.

Weeks like those it was hard. The talks of aspirations went up in a cloud of smoke and you were once again left with nothing.

 He always did say that even though he wasn't sure what he wanted to do, he was sure about you. That you were the one constant in his future. No matter what, it was you. It wasn’t as reassuring as he believed it to be.

You tried not to think about it.

You eventually bid goodbye to your brother and his darling wife. The picture of a perfect family, with a baby on the way, in a small flowering cottage. You itched to ask Remus if he ever wanted that. Did he ever think about it at all?

But, you loved him. That was all that mattered.

Besides, you had real history. Too many years invested. If it wasn’t with him, you were probably just going to end up alone.

You were in love with him for Godric’s sake. Maybe that was the reason you could never choose yourself. 

“Have you given what we talked about some thought?” your words were barely above a whisper, unsure, scared about what his answer could be. You could see him look around uncomfortably. Maybe you should’ve waited until you actually got home not walking through the streets. 

“Y-yeah, I did…” his hand gripped yours tighter as you walked, like you might slip from his fingers “I think I should maybe wait a few weeks…” his shoulders tensed when the sigh inevitably left your lips. “I’m sorry I know it isn't what you wanted to hear but- I don't know if the Ministry would even take me… I did see a new posting for an entry-level in the department of magical creatures maybe I could apply”

“Apply soon yeah”

He nodded silently and you kissed his shoulder to wordlessly tell him thank you, as you walked home from James and Lily’s. Maybe he’d actually do it this time. Maybe one day, he’d see his own potential, he’d see how much farther he could go. 

Maybe someday he’d be brave enough to take a leap and fulfill his promises to you and himself. Maybe one day you’d finally be in a spot to build a family together. Or at least plan for it.

After all, you and Remus had real history. And he promised. Many moons ago.

Your love for him was why it was always so hard to do the right thing. 

Because as soon there was some disagreement, you knew, as much as he did, that no matter how upset you might be with him he could sweep you into his arms and all worry would melt away. 

In the small flat, you and Remus shared, under the warm light of the stray table lamp you’d dance. He’d take you in his arms and move along the soft rhythm of the music he’d put on. He’d kiss your temple and swear and promise.

Shallow words that at this point went in one ear and out the other. Promises of a future together, of applications that would never get done, of steps that would never even be attempted. 

But nevertheless, you forgave. 

You forgave four years of broken promises. You forgave the lack of a ring on your finger. You forgave the lack of planning for the future. You forgave his indifference.

You made yourself think you forgave him.

You tried to forget too.

Tried to forget his lack of ambition because why try when they would never want to hire someone like me? Tried to forget the way your mother had warned you about this a year back. Tried to forget the way Sirius called your phone last month from France, telling you you’d love it there, telling you it was a shame Remus didn’t want to go. How much of a shame it was that you had to miss out on life-changing experiences because Remus couldn't. 

Wouldn’t. 

Same thing.

Sirius called again a few days after you visited your brother.

“Is it raining there? The weather’s shit here at the moment” You ask, staring at the window, the raging storm outside banging against the glass and drowning the usual sight of the street bellow. 

“Meh- could be worse, I reckon it’s starting to warm up soon, so m’pretty excited about that,” He said, you hummed in acknowledgment “Have you talked to Moony again about coming? It really is beautiful in the summer doll— besides you can stay with me for free obviously”

You sighed

“No Sirius, I honestly don't even want to ask I already know how that one will go”

“So what? you’re not vacationing at all?”

“The only place I’m vacationing is in rock bottom Black-” you said, staring at the closed bedroom door. No doubt Remus was taking a small nap. The full moon was approaching.

Sirius tskd’d.

“You know you can always come… by yourself I mean, stay with me for a while”

“Sirius…”

“I know I know… I’m sorry-” Sirius tried laughing it off, the chuckle not lasting long as he asked, “Are you happy at least? With him.”

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to say to that” You tried fighting the way your eyes seemed to immediately water.

“I fear it’s a pretty straight-up question- yes or no?”

“I don’t know if this is what happy is anymore” you whispered, afraid to state it fully aloud

“Then it isn't. When you’re happy, you know” Sirius sounded somber “You have to do the right thing, whatever is right for you not for him”

“It is never that easy”

“Yes, it is doll. It is always that easy”

You bid him goodbye soon after.

You chalked it off as Sirius not knowing what it was like to be with someone for years. You couldn’t just throw away the past four years of your life just because what? He was tired? He wasn’t putting as much effort as you wanted?

It could be fixed.

You were convinced you’d fix it as Remus trudged out of the room, hair disheveled as he rested his head on your shoulder. A kiss to the crook of your neck.

“Was it Pads?” he mumbled against your skin, you ignored the way you felt caught

“Yes”

“Is he okay?”

“Yes, better than okay”

“I wish we could go to Paris” you tried not breaking down in tears right there and there. 

It was never about money. You could go on brooms for fucks sake. You could portkey right into Sirius’s little French apartment. 

You didn't ask him why not. Why not go? You drowned the question in the tea he eventually handed you. You had always been more of a coffee person, but much like everything else, you sacrificed it for his preference for tea and its calming effects.

You tried your best to fix it, for months. You’d lay down with him after work, card your fingers through his light brown locks, trace his scars while he fought off sleep, press a chaste kiss to his lips before he fell asleep. 

You started calling Sirius more often than not, in hushed whispers. Tears were often spilled. You stopped feeling bad eventually. It was just calling a friend in a time of need. Draining the disappointment you didn't dare throw in Remus’s face. 

He was going through enough.

You continued to hold on to hope.

You’d nudge him along. Try for new jobs, call friends to see if anyone, anyone at all, could find him an in with the ministry.

“He just needs to apply sweetie- this is stupid” Marlene rolled her eyes, her auror uniform casually unbuttoned after her day of work, she twirled the spoon in her tea with a small wave of her finger. “They’re starting these werewolf allocation programs, they make sure they’re given jobs and such…”

“I don't know if he’d like that” You groaned, dropping your face into your hands. You could imagine him already, turning his nose away from any sort of Ministry help.

“Can I ask why he isn’t the one asking me these things?” Marlene said a glint in her eye that let you know she knew the answer already. You looked away.

“Sometimes it's hard to do the right thing Marls”

“You need to do the right thing for yourself”

“Marlene-” you scoffed “Me and Remus just have too much history- how can I ever just choose me? It’s us”

“Maybe it’s time it’s just you” 

You stared at Remus that night, the soft music that played from his muggle radio filling the air between you. You stared at him silently, the curve of his lips, the soft of the apples of his cheeks. The silvery scars that ran across his face. 

You loved him, you did.

But you also did feel the very worst you could feel. No dancing in the kitchen could fix it anymore. No kisses and fake promises could fix it. Not anymore.

As soft as he made you feel, as much history as you had together. You couldn't help the overwhelming need to cry every time you looked at him. 

What the hell was he even doing? What were you doing?

Any plans you had dreamed of with him were now very quickly crumbling in front of your eyes. He continued to silently make tea. You hoped he wouldn't notice the stray tears that managed to escape your eyes.

You and Remus had what your brother always called real history. He just meant it was deeply engrained, in your bones, in your heart. He said it poignantly last time you popped in for a visit. His tone didn’t fail to chip at your heart.

Your years together weren’t something you could erase. Not that you wanted to. 

You were happy with him. Right? You loved him.

Maybe if you just gave him more time. You had graduated Hogwarts a mere two years ago. 

He had always been more than good to you. Even at your lowest. Even at his lowest. He was nothing but gentle and loving.

Maybe. Sometimes, love wasn't enough.

You didn’t say anything as he finished cleaning up the kitchen. He kissed your temple goodnight. You stayed up, staring at the phone line debating on calling Sirius, again. 

“I just don’t know what I should do…” you leaned against the wet metal railing of your balcony, the drops seeping into your pajama pants. You grabbed the base of the phone with one hand, the other holding the receiver up to your ear

“I don’t know why you’re asking me angel, you already know what my answer is going to be”

“Don’t be mean Sirius” he could hear the pout in your voice, and he laughed

“I’m not- you know I love Moony, we’ve been friends for ages but…”

“But?”

“I love you more” You didn’t respond. “And I think you need to love yourself more than you love him too” You could hear him inhale what you guessed was a cigarette

You hummed in acknowledgment, not daring to open your mouth at the fear that sobs would break your words.

“Don’t wear yourself out for someone that isn’t doing the same for you…”

“That’s unfair… he does”

“He forgot a card for your anniversary”

“It was a few days after the full moon…”

“Okay, what about your birthday? Or Christmas for that matter? What? D’you think I’d forget how you called crying? Every single one of those times” He said, you could feel your lip wobbling. “Come to Paris with me-”

“Sirius-”

“Just think about it okay? Promise me you’ll at least do that…”

“Okay, I will—”

“Right… ‘night love,” he said, you muttered a small goodnight “and for the record…” He hesitated for a second, almost as if he shouldn’t say it. Sirius was never one to stay quiet, he did this time. “Nevermind, I love you”

“Love you too Sirius” you answered, head hanging in defeat. The phone call clicked off.

It really wasn’t about Sirius you thought, as you guiltily crawled into bed with your boyfriend. Not about France either. You stared at his sleeping form.

It wasn’t about your and Remus’s history. It didn’t matter how long you had been together if there was no future.

It wasn’t about what your brother or Marlene, or even your mother thought. 

It was about choosing you. 

Right?

“Remus” you padded over and stood next to the small dining table that morning. 

“Yes?” He didn’t look up from his book, a bad habit he had picked up. He was never truly listening when he did that

“Remus have you applied to the job at the Ministry?”

“Mhm? Ministry…” he still didn’t look up, he took a sip of his tea “No I haven't yet, I’ll get around to it though, I just want to take my time with it you know?”

“Its an application how long can it take?” you could feel yourself start getting angry, and you looked away from him. Not that he had looked up to look you in the eyes anyway.

“I just want to give myself the best chance to get in.” he finally looked up from his book, an exasperated look on his face. You refused to meet his eyes “What's wrong with that?”

“You’ve been saying the same thing for ages Remus”

“We’ll I have other things going on— just because you have different ideas about what my progress should look like doesn't mean I’m not doing anything you know? Because I do, I do a lot actually” He said, staring at you as if daring you to deny that he did anything. 

Of course, he worked hard. You could never refute tthat. He moved his eyes down to his book.

You bit your tongue for a second, but the words slipped out nevertheless.

“Remus I don't think we can be together anymore”

“What?” the tone in his voice was nothing short of heartbroken. He searched your face for anything. Any hint that you weren't serious. “No”

Godric it was so hard to do the right thing.

“I don’t think we are on the same page anymore, you say things, you promise but…” you rubbed your temple, you could feel a headache coming “None of those promises ever come true” you sighed, finally looking at him

His eyes were rimmed red.

“You’re right,” he said, defeated, breathless.

“If you know I’m right why didn’t you just do it? I have never asked you for anything else, just for you to apply for yourself Remus, because you had said it was what you wanted”

You and Remus stared at each other. A blank look on his face as he looked at you, his nose red and tears threatening to streak down his cheeks. 

“Can you say something? Anything? Why didn’t you just do it?”

“I don’t know”

“You never know Remus, but I do and I refuse to wait for you to figure it out anymore”

permanent tag ; @laufeysvalentine @heyyyloverr

let me know if you want to be added onto the permanent tag list ! also please check out my new series bless the telephone if you haven't already! MWAH thank you for reading <3

[deansbeer]

♡ a hunter's journey to fatherhood ⎯⎯ dean winchester.

📖 LIBRARY !

SYNOPSIS. dean struggles with anxiety about fatherhood, avoiding you until guidance from mildred helps him embrace love, vulnerability, and hope.

WARNING(S). slight angst | hurt comfort | f!reader | anxiety | self-doubt | dean's fear of failure as a new father | emotional vulnerability | moments of crying | mentions of childhood trauma (a big FUCK U 2 john winchester) | alcohol use (though not excessively) | avoidance | isolation | pregnancy.

kari talks ◞ i saw these gifs of dean n mildred pop up on my feed this morning so i had to write something w a lil fluffy angst <3 don't hate me bc it does have a happy ending !!! + this may sound rushed, has not much dialogue at the end, n repetitive :) my apologies !

dean winchester is an anxiety-riddled mess.

you’ve always known he’s carried the weight of the world on his shoulders, but ever since you told him you were pregnant, he’s been distant. not outright cold, but the kind of distant that eats at you—quiet moments stretched too long, averted gazes, and excuses to leave the room.

it hurts.

you knew dean had his doubts about himself; he’s never been shy about the scars his childhood left behind. but you didn’t expect him to pull away like this.

every time you thought about asking him where he stood—whether he was happy, scared, or maybe regretting it altogether—you stopped yourself. you didn’t want to burden him more than he already seemed to be.

so you busied yourself with little things, distracting yourself by cleaning the house, organizing your shared bedroom, or just sitting on the couch with a book, hoping he’d come around.

but tonight, dean isn’t home.

he’d slipped out a few hours ago, mumbling something about needing air. you didn’t push. you’d seen the tension in his jaw, the way his hands flexed and tightened at his sides like he didn’t know what to do with them.

what you didn’t know was that dean had driven into town, parked the impala outside the local dive bar, and gone inside to drown his thoughts in whiskey.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

the bar was dimly lit and half-empty, perfect for someone who didn’t want to be noticed.

dean sat at the counter, nursing his third drink, his mind spinning.

he couldn’t stop thinking about it. about you. about the baby.

him, a dad.

he snorted bitterly into his glass. what the hell did he know about being a father? he’d barely survived his own childhood. john winchester had been a lot of things—strong, determined, relentless—but a good dad? not even close.

and what if dean turned out just like him?

the thought made his chest tighten, panic clawing at his throat.

he closed his eyes, swallowing hard. the whiskey wasn’t helping; it was only making his emotions come faster, harder.

he slammed a couple of bills on the bar top and left, walking out into the cool night air.

he sat in the impala, gripping the steering wheel as his breath hitched.

and then it hit him—hot tears stinging his eyes, rolling down his cheeks before he could stop them.

he wiped at his face angrily, cursing under his breath.

what the hell is wrong with me?

but then, through the fog of his thoughts, he remembered mildred baker.

she’d helped him and sam on a hunt years ago, and she’d been one of the few people who’d ever managed to get through to him. she was kind, wise, and had this way of making you feel like everything was going to be okay, even when it felt like the world was falling apart.

before he could second-guess himself, he started the car and drove to her place.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

mildred greeted him with the warmth he hadn’t realized he needed.

“dean winchester,” she said with a smile, stepping aside to let him in. “to what do i owe the pleasure?”

he hesitated for a moment, standing in her doorway like a lost kid.

“uh... sorry for showing up so late,” he mumbled, scratching the back of his neck. “i just... i didn’t know where else to go.”

she frowned slightly, concern flickering across her face, but she didn’t ask questions.

“come on in,” she said gently, motioning for him to sit on the couch.

once they were seated, mildred folded her hands in her lap and waited patiently.

“so,” she said after a beat, her voice soft. “what’s got you all tied up in knots?”

and that’s when it all came tumbling out.

words spilled from dean’s mouth faster than he could stop them—about you, about the baby, about how terrified he was of screwing everything up.

“i just... i don’t know how to do this,” he admitted, his voice cracking slightly. “hell, i don’t even know if i can do this. what if i screw the kid up? what if i screw her up? she deserves better than me. they both do.”

mildred listened quietly, her expression soft but unreadable.

when he finally stopped, his chest heaving slightly from the emotional release, she reached over and placed a hand on his arm.

“dean,” she said gently, her voice steady. “you’re not your father.”

his head snapped up at that, his green eyes wide and vulnerable.

“but what if i am?” he whispered.

she smiled softly, shaking her head.

“you’re not,” she said firmly. “you’ve already proven that by coming here tonight. you care, dean. you care so much it’s eating you alive. and that’s what makes you different. john winchester loved you boys, but he didn’t know how to show it. you do. and that’s all that matters.”

dean swallowed hard, his throat tight.

“but what if i mess up?” he asked, his voice small.

“you will,” she said with a chuckle. “because that’s what parents do. we mess up. we’re human. but as long as you love that baby and love itd mama, you’ll figure it out.”

her words settled over him like a warm blanket, easing some of the tension in his chest.

“you’re gonna be a great dad, dean,” she said, her voice soft. “just follow your heart.”

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

later that night, after mildred helped him sober up, dean drove back home.

the house was quiet when he walked in, the only sound coming from the soft clinking of dishes in the kitchen.

he followed the sound, stopping in the doorway when he saw you standing at the sink.

you were wearing one of his old flannels, the sleeves rolled up as you washed the few remaining dishes from dinner.

he leaned against the doorframe, watching you for a moment.

god, you were beautiful.

even now, with your hair slightly messy and your focus on the task in front of you, you took his breath away.

he took a deep breath, gathering his courage, and stepped toward you.

you didn’t notice him at first, too lost in your own thoughts.

it wasn’t until he wrapped his arms around you from behind that you startled slightly, your body tensing before relaxing into his embrace.

“baby,” you said softly, your hands stilling in the soapy water.

he buried his face in the crook of your neck, breathing you in.

“where’ve you been?” you asked, your voice gentle but cautious. “are you okay?”

“yeah,” he said, his voice muffled against your skin. “i’m okay.”

you didn’t push for more, not when he mentioned he’d gone to see mildred.

instead, you leaned into him, letting his warmth settle around you like a shield.

he rubbed small circles on your stomach, his lips brushing against your neck.

and for the first time in weeks, you felt a flicker of hope.

but when you opened your mouth to ask him where he stood on the baby, he didn’t let you speak.

instead, he started rambling, the words tumbling out in a rush.

he told you how scared he was, how he’d been afraid he’d ruin everything, that he’d turn out like his dad or disappoint you.

“but i want this, sweetheart,” he said finally, his voice breaking slightly. “i want you. and i want this baby. i just... i needed to figure out how to not screw it up.”

tears stung your eyes as you turned to face him, cupping his face in your hands.

“dean,” you said softly, your voice thick with emotion. “you could never be like him. you love so much, sometimes too much. you’re going to be an amazing dad. i know it.”

he closed his eyes, leaning into your touch as a single tear slid down his cheek.

“thank you, baby,” he whispered.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

after you’d finished the dishes, you drew a bath for the both of you.

you knew he’d been sore and achy from a recent hunt, and you figured the warm water would help.

he sat behind you in the tub, his arms resting on either side of the rim as you leaned back against his chest.

you brought the soapy cloth to your chest, letting the warmth soothe you before handing it to him.

he took it, running it over his own chest before reaching down to gently rub your shoulders.

the quiet intimacy of the moment was enough to ease both your minds, the tension of the past few weeks melting away.

when the water started to cool, dean helped you out of the tub, wrapping a fluffy towel around you before leaning down to kiss your stomach.

you weren’t even showing yet, but the gesture made your heart swell.

he wrapped a towel around himself, and the two of you went through your nightly routines before climbing into bed.

dean was already lying down when you joined him, his hands behind his head as he waited for you.

you turned off the lights and crawled into bed, settling on top of him with your head on his chest.

his hand rested on your lower back, the other cradling the back of your head as he pressed a soft kiss to your hair.

the two of you talked quietly about what to expect, about names and nurseries and everything in between.

and when you finally drifted off to sleep, wrapped in his arms, you knew everything was going to be okay.

because dean winchester was going to be the best damn dad in the world.

[vivwritesfics]

Ooo I saw ur edging Oscar and lando one now I propose overstimming them both😏😏😏

18+ smut warning

okay oscar literally wouldn't let you

like you do all the tricks on lando

edging him

not letting him cum

keeping him in your mouth as he calmed down only to start again

it was torturous

even at the end of the night, when you were getting up to shower, he didn't hadn't cum

all he could do was whine pathetically

you tried that shit with oscar

and it wouldn't fly

it was amusing to him, when you did it to lando

but the second you pulled away from him, attempted to leave him high and dry, he pulled you back onto him

pulled you mouth back onto his cock, brought you back to riding him

imagine it

lando laying there, cock leaking as he desperately wanted to cum

you riding oscars cock as he flipped the script on you

bc, you try it with him once, you're no longer allowed to cum

he can fill you over and over

but you're not allowed to cum

you were about to become just as desperate as you were willing to make him feel

again and again and again

all too much and not enough at once

you suddenly realise how you made lando feel

desperate

about to fall over the edge

like everything was too much

it was euphoric

(it ended with you and lando rutting against each other

both desperate to cum

he had forgotten how mean you were earlier

as long as oscar didn't find out

bc then you'd both be in trouble)

this week has been hell. and it just gets worse lmao. i get an original idea is hard but my entire fucking fic has essentially been stolen and i don't know what to do. i was turning this fic into a novel because of how fucking special it is to me and i can't write it rn bc i am traumatised by something that happened earlier this week. i can't fucking push past that to keep going and now im feeling like im losing for fic because some asshole has stolen it

[floodonthefloor]

pedestals just become babys first fic to hit over 2k kudos!!

vanity metrics are just vanity metrics etc but its nice for my closeted 17 year old kid self writing lesbian fanfiction in secret - like literally i was so scared someone would find it that i wouldn't ever write it in a saveable document and write it directly in the ffnet/ao3 box like an absolute fucking menace... (yes it caused catastrophes for me. no i did not learn from my mistakes)

idk. lots of mento health problems up in here- some of u have asked how it is i write so fast and it's because i literally. need to be writing something at all times or thinking about writing at all times bc - without getting too specific- i get super self-destructive when i can't write (again i dont like getting personal on here but sometimes the moment calls for it and im feeling yappy and self-indulgent okay) and my irl creative endeavour/hobby has been facing loads of creative blocks/challenges...being able to channel it into something like fanfiction has been really healing. a lifeline of sorts, as dramatic as that may seem. even if fanfiction isnt 'taken seriously' it still matters to me and i think it matters to a few of u too?

i dont fool myself into thinking that having a bunch of kudos and tumblr followers all having lots of fun with it makes me the next great literary mind but knowing that so many people have read it an enjoyed it enough to toss that little kudos button click on there PLUS do something as BATSHIT INSANE AMAZING as make FANART is very affirming for me so thank you :) fotf bookclub friends forever

idk if i have any stories i want to pick up post-pedestal or eoyo but there are a few ideas percolating and i certainly don't think i'll be leaving it behind anytime soon if only because you guys are so much fun and such a welcoming community that has made me feel so much less alone!!! i love u all x sam/flood