#but at the same time the last several seasons have been SO chock full of trauma and grief and the doctor being weighed down by it all

[stevethehairington]

I TAKE IT BACK I TAKE THIS BACK SOOOOO MUCH.

IT WAS NOT HAND WAVEY ABOUT THE DOCTORS TRAUMA AND GRIEF!!!!! NOT AT ALL!!! IT DID NOT JUST DISAPPEAR IT ALL!!! AND I TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY MISSED THAT UNTIL NOW!!!

the "we're doing rehab out of order" line!!!!!! it TOTALLY went over my head the first time. and then seeing a post that specifically highlighted that line and how fifteen says he's fine because you (tenthree) fixed himself. as in — tenthree does all of the processing and healing through his life on earth with donna and co, and because they are still the same person the healing tenthree does is the healing that fifteen DID already!!! the bigeneration isn't an exaxt split of the doctor in that very moment — it's a split of the doctor in that moment and the doctor of the future!!!! so tenthree gets to live out his life with donna and when that comes to an end, he dies and gets reabsorbed into fifteen. they merge back into the one doctor, because they always HAVE been one doctor, even if two of them are co-existing.

okay. OKAY. on the one hand i love love LOVED the doctor getting to live out a normal life with his best friend platonic soulmate donna and be apart of that family unit again and be SO HAPPY TOO. but on the other hand. i do kind of not like how hand wavey it felt wrt all of the doctors trauma and grief and that deeply unmoored feeling that has been following him for AGES and has only grown stronger as of late. like i want to see the doctor actually like. FACE IT. and like work through it, head on. OBVIOUSLY this bigeneration thing has raised SO many new questions so who knows!! maybe it WILL get addressed with fifteen!! maybe it WASNT as hand wavey as it seemed! but yeah idk man. right now specifically, i just wish we got that.

[cantpickonefandoms]

Sooo guess what came in the mail for me!!

It’s really good and I wanna ramble about some of my favourite things in the comic so THIS IS YOUR SPOILER WARNING!!

OK SO:

-First, this is probably my favourite of all the TDP comics that have been put out, TTM was chock full of Rayllum and I loved every second of it, and I loved learning about Rayla, and Claudia and Soren’s pasts in their respective comics, but I have been dying to learn more about Callum and Ez’s past for a long time, and this comic delivered plenty of what I was hoping for, I think the only thing I’m kind of disappointed about was we didn’t learn much about Sarai or about Callum’s bio dad, but that’s alright, that’s more of a gripe of mine than anything.

-The story starts off with Callum and Ezran coming back from the incident with the waterfall and the raccoons that Callum mentions during 1x09, nice continuity nod!

-There’s a part where Ezran is struggling to explain to Harrow how he can talk to animals and Harrow just gently tells Ez to slow down to let the words come to him, Harrow is such a good dad!

-Callum makes this face when the boys discover a library:

I love that nerd so much! (All I could hear when I read this line was “I’d like to spend my vacation at the LIBRARY!”)

-There’s a handful of moments where Callum quotes Sarai, little tidbits of advice she gave to him.

-There’s a great moment where Ezran goes around talking to several kids and offers them comfort and sends them to the town hall for safety and Callum is completely blown away and tells Ez that he was amazing and he sounded just like Harrow in that moment.

-There’s another great moment where Ezran wants to go check on the kids in the town hall while Callum reads about the dream warden and of course Callum doesn’t want Ez to go alone and we get some genuine vulnerability from Callum when he admits that he promised to keep Ezran safe for Harrow and that he thinks if he succeeds then Harrow will be proud of him, and that he feels like he keeps failing at keeping that promise, poor guy doesn’t realize that Harrow already is proud of him!

-Easily the best moment is when Ezran talks the dream warden down, the the story of the dream explains that the creature had a young elf friend, but eventually he lost his friend started giving people nightmares as a result, now during most of the comic there’s a lot of times where Callum is irritable towards Ezran, he scoffs at a lot of Ez’s suggestions, he mocks Ezran’s ‘weird animal thing’, and there’s a part where he’s trying convince Harrow to let him come with them to the east side of the village, and is annoyed when Harrow permits him to come on the condition that he keeps an eye on Ezran, and when Ez talks to the dream warden he says that creature reminds him of his brother, that Callum makes him laugh and draws imaginary animals for him, but around the same time every year, around the time when Sarai passed, Callum becomes angry, but that Ezran still loves Callum and refuses to give up on Callum, I love this message so much, also Ezran is truly wise beyond his years, he’s like somewhere between four and six in this story and he shows this level understanding and patience towards Callum dealing with grief and missing Sarai, that’s incredible!

-Later Callum tells Ez that he has a gift for talking and that Sarai would be proud of him, and Ez tells Callum that she would be proud of him too, I love these boys so much!!

-JERK FACE DANCE ORIGIN REVEAL HELL YEAH!

I loved the comic so much, I loved looking into Callum and Ez’s past, I loved the angst, I loved the message, I loved all of Ez’s animal sidekicks, I had such a good time reading it! This is just making me more hyped for season 7! Idk if they’re gonna put out another comic, but if this the last TDP comic then I’d say they ended on a high note.

[sneezeshame]

a scenario where someone just catches cold after cold back to back for weeks, each time just clearing up enough to breathe through their nose for a night or two before getting hit with another scratchy throat and runny nose. they’re so worn down and miserable and can’t believe it’s happening again when they still have a cough from the last one. they never stay home sick and instead push themselves further, putting themselves around even more germs with an even more battered immune system, and at a certain point it’s unclear if they keep catching new colds or if its the same one they just can’t shake or maybe they’re wading through multiple bugs at the same time and when they aren’t catching colds they’re suffering from the after effects, a sinus infection, bronchitis, laryngitis, perpetually chapped lips and nostrils, they feel a little achy and shivery all the time, a fever sometimes, day after day where they lose their consanants and their voice blows out and falls into a whisper. the humidifier never leaves their bedside, they go through tissue box after tissue box and bottle after bottle of cold medicine, it’s all relentless, they can’t remember the last time they slept well and soundly without snoring stuffiness or coughing or sneezing or other cold-related misery and they’re tired all the time, and then finally, once they get a chance to rest a bit, they’re hit with the massive cold/flu bug that’s been going around, the worst of the season, and they wake up so sick they’re knocked off their feet entirely, their sinuses a dense, hulking mass, their throat a swollen sandpaper tube against their enormous swollen tonsils and larynx, their ears plugged, their eyes watering, their body shaking under layers of blankets, and the membranes of their poor, inflamed nostrils so irritated and red that any sniffle creates a tickle for an explosion of snot. their immune system is so absolutely shot that it hits worse than it hit anyone else they know who got it (and certainly worse than their partner who gave it to them), and suddenly they’re sick in their dark, quiet bedroom, the humidifier chugging on high, tissues littering the floor, their body begging for the rest and care it needs to feel better. their partner, who was worried about this, finally succeeds in driving them to the doctor, where they’re put on strict bedrest for the next two weeks to recover from the miserable onslaught that’s been their life for the past few months. when they get home and find themselves laid up in bed chock full of antibiotics for all their infections and the heaviest severe cold and flu medicine available, having run the full gauntlet of cold and flu season proper, there’s nothing left to do but sleep.

[fan-cam]

2022 Wrap up (4 Top 5)

Hello and happy holidays! Over the last few weeks I have been pouring over lists of the top albums, songs and movies of 2022, thrilled to see what the world (or at least high budget magazines) are saying about these past twelve months. This year has felt a little more ‘normal’ (not really sure what that word means anymore, or if it even should exist) than the past two and as a result we have received a lot of exciting art.

If I love anything, its making lists. I love keeping track of what media I have consumed, things I need to buy, people I have been romantic with (zodiac signs included), and ranking my various ‘best of’s’.  Below you will find 4 lists of my Top 5 of 2022; TV shows, movies, albums and songs. Each selection is deserving of its own several page deep-dive, but I limited myself to a one-sentence review of each as I know attention spans are quite fleeting these days (my own included). Please enjoy and share your own thoughts!

TV Shows:

HOT D, Season 1

Game of Thrones with a bigger budget, advanced technology and more feminism.

2. Rings of Power, Season 1

Like HOT D, Lord of the Rings but with more than just white men, and a $1M/minute budget (yes, you read that right).

3. Our Flag Means Death, Season 1

Taika Waititi’s new project about gay pirates—do I need to say anything more?

4. Derry Girls, Season 3

Martin Scorsese likes this show, so if my endorsement isn’t enough for you his should be.

5. The Summer I Turned Pretty, Season 1

I feel like most of my life is trying to get back to being a teenage girl and this show really did that for me.

Movies:

Bones and All, Luca Guadagnino

A coming of age cannibal love story that makes you scream, jump, plug your ears, cover your eyes, laugh and cry—what more could you want?

2. Aftersun, Charlotte Wells

Beautiful imagery, incapacitatingly sad plot (my favorite juxtaposition).   

3. X, Ti West

A love letter to horror film, chock full of references that made me feel like all my years spent on horror amounted to something.

4. Bodies, Bodies, Bodies, Halina Rejin

I love blood, I love girls, I love a whodunit, I love jokes—this is my dream film, also Pete Davidson is in it.

5. Tar, Todd Field

This movie is making fun of high-brow art which is funny because this movie is loved by people who love high-brow art.

Albums:

Preacher’s Daughter, Ethel Cain

A 75-minute concept album tackling love, abuse, lots of God, sex and being cannibalized with memorizing vocals, quite the feat for a debut LP.

2. Being Funny in a Foreign Language, The 1975

From dick jokes and a pop song about incel mass shootings to devastating breakup anthems, this album makes you experience most emotions.

3. Renaissance, Beyoncé

This album proves that Beyoncé can literally do anything well; a disco-club-banger-no-skips album invocative of the 70s but that absolutely hits in 2022? No problem. (sorry, this is technically two sentences)

4. Motomami, ROSALIA

Being A Bad Bitch in a Foreign Language: I have no idea what she’s saying but the emotion she conveys through her voice and the flawlessly produced beats transcend language.

5. Caprisongs, FKA Twigs

Another club-banger of an album which deals with being both hot and sad at the same time, relatable.

Songs:

Part of the Band, The 1975

There is so much to say about this song but the ‘Vaccinista, tote bag chic baristas’ line changed my life and I haven’t been the same since.

2. Killer, FKA Twigs

She called this ‘a song for baddies with a tear in their eyes’ and I cannot say anything better.

3. Anti-Hero, Taylor Swift

Famous for being vulnerable, Taylor reaches a new level of honesty with this song, expressing the very unrelatable difficulties that come along with being Taylor Swift in an extremely relatable way.

4. Hard Times, Ethel Cain

A song about a horrific topic, sung in the most ethereal way with stunning guitar accompaniment— once again, we love juxtaposition on this blog.   

5. Weird Goodbyes, The National Ft. Bon Iver

The saddest lyrics you will ever hear, overlayed with a sick 808 beat.

[jiminieloved]

So I looked at your masterlist but didn't find anything. have you ever answered an ask about Jimin distancing himself from Kook in 2015? If you haven't,can you please share ALL ALL ALL of your thoughts? I LOOOVE! reading your posts and insights.

Okay so I’m guessing by Jimin distancing himself, you’re referring to the common trope in Jikook shipping analysis videos that Jimin threw himself at Jungkook and then pulled back and then Jungkook opened up in return? Yeahhh I kinda think that whole narrative is BS. So let’s go through the chronology of 2015 using my Jikook Timeline to help, and I’ll give you my thoughts on their relationship in this time period. 

January 2015 was much of the same, in my view. They were posting lots of selcas together, Jimin was spending lots of his pastime riling him up in Bangtan bombs, being his goofy self, Jimin mentions that on their break he and Jungkook traveled to Busan together. I think Jungkook’s increasing fondness was growing more and more evident in this period. You could frequently catching him smiling fondly at Jimin in interviews, or even occasionally checking him out. They were also still spending a lot of time practicing dance together in their free time, as they had been doing throughout 2014. Of course, they were still very immature, and that reflected in their sometimes awkward interactions with each other, but such is life.

February of 2015 once again showed evidence of Jungkook warming up toward Jimin in a fond, loving way. He was still his teasing self, but in interviews or video messages, he started to show a specific look just for Jimin.

March 2015 is where things started to get very interesting. This is when Jungkook posted the famed song recommendation for “Memo” by Years & Years. I’ve spoken about it numerous times, but all you really need to know is in the lyrics...

In March, I noticed they took a looooot of pictures together. I mean, they did anyway, but it was more than usual to me at a quick glance. Something that could mean nothing but could also mean something. 

In April 2015, we got some behind the scenes content where we noticed that Jimin was wearing Jungkook’s jacket. Jimin continued making lots of Jungkook-centric tweets. He seemed to be so supportive of Jungkook’s career moves and artistry. Jimin also named Jungkook as the group’s visual during an interview. April ended off with a video of Jimin giving Jungkook brotherly advice while sitting in his lap and stroking his hair....

May 2015: You know that one famous interview where Jimin tells the interviewer that he finds Jungkook adorable, and then Tae calls him gay, and Jimin doesn’t deny it? Yeah. May 2015 is when this clip originated. Not too much later, in a separate TV appearance JK singled out JM as the member who helped him relieve stress.

Throughout May they held lots of fansigns, and each one Jikook had a few cute moments. 

Distance who?

June 2015 is when both members seem to have a period of great happiness! Jimin even tweeted that he was so happy these days. 

Coincidentally, this is the first time they would wear matching outfits. They wore them to the airport on June 4. For FESTA, Jungkook wrote Jimin’s specialty as being #1 in looks. Maybe he was making up for the past, maybe he was teasing. I thought it was cute either way. In late June, Jungkook tweeted a video of Jimin sleeping. What a brat X) We also got this gem.

July 2015, Jimin returned the favor and filmed Jungkook sleeping. July also feataured Jungkook feeding Jimin ice cream by hand, and a very memorable video of Jimin obsessing over Jungkook’s red hair for 5 minutes straight, to Hobi’s annoyance. When asked during a press conference how Jimin feels about Jungkook ranking him last in looks rankings, Jimin replied “It’s nothing now.” Jikook once again wore matching outfits to the airport this month. 

Throughout July they had multiple cute Twitter moments.

August 2015, the craziest Jikook month in my opinion, started off with Jungkook calling Jimin handsome in a Vlive, and Jimin responding shyly. ISAC came and went with some cute jikook moments.

And thennnn, Jimin fainted on stage. Just days after this, some extremely meaningful onstage interactions occured between the pair. Jimin’s face in this picture says it all. 

A few intensely suspicious Twitter interactions later, this concert moment happened. 

September 2015: This is the month of Jimin begging for kisses, lol. Jimin begging Jungkook for a kiss and Jimin uploading 6 (six) videos of Jungkook on his birthday. Let’s not forget this photo....

October 2015 is the month when Jungkook discovered Troye Sivan, and tweeted accordingly. He also recommended the song “Beautiful Dancer” by IU, and requested that viewers listen from 1:23.... Jimin tweeted the results of a puzzle that he worked on with Jungkook. 

November had several BTS Run moments that proved that Jikook were still just as close. This picture definitely doesn’t scream “Jimin is keeping his distance” to me, lol.

Season’s Greetings 2016 was released and well.... there was a lot going on there. Though they were posting less photos together, the videos from this period did nothing but reaffirm their closeness. 

December 2015, Jikook blessed us once again with some selcas. 

December had lots of concerts, fansigns, variety shows and more. 

Distance who?

I could go into a lot more detail but the proof is in the content. This “distancing” narrative that Jikookers love to spout is just completely not a thing. 2015 was chock full of Jikook, and Jimin was doing nothing to hold that back.

[smokeybrand]

Smokey brand Reviews: Bad Romance

Palm Springs was probably my favorite film from last year. It was this quirky, time-looping, hilarious, romantic comedy with one of the dopest casts I've ever seen. It was headlined, and championed, by Andy Samberg but it would have been nothing without the brilliant chemistry between his co-lead, Cristin Milioti. This chick is fantastic! She’s been in a ton of stuff I've loved, Fargo, The Wolf of Wall Street, and Venture Bros. immediately come to mind, but never really had the opportunity to actually excel in her own vehicle. Always the Bridesmaid never the Bride, you know? And then i heard the buzz about this little HBO max show called Made For Love and it is lead by Milioti, herself. Finally, my girl has her wedding day! So, does this show live up to all the hype or is it just middling entertainment like all the other critics seem to think. Let’s get into it.

The Good

Immediately, I'm struck by how well this film is shot. This f*cking thing is gorgeous to look at. Seriously, they do so much with the camera work, so much dynamism, you kind of forget that this is basically just a cable sitcom. The quality put into this show is borderline cinematic and it really shows.

Another big thing that stands out is the music in this show. This soundtrack is exceptional. It feels almost as good as the tunes in Letterkenny. Almost. Letterkenny comes with the f*cking heat but this show, Made for Love, has a perfectly complimentary soundtrack.

I have to say, the writing in this thing is on point. It’s easily one of the wittiest, wryly hilarious, smartest, series of scripts i have ever had the pleasure of seeing performed. Seriously, I'm kind of in love with all of this dialogue. It feels very Lonely Island-esque, very Tina Fey-ish, and it’s right up my alley.

As a cat that has watched a ton of television and cinema, I've seen this actual plot before. Several times actually. That said, the way this cliche is executed in Made for Love is rather refreshing. The modern and technological framing is a really interesting take on this particular trope. I genuinely loved this story and it’s unique spin on things.

This cast is pretty dope. Ray Romano, Kym Whitley, Dan Bakkedahl, and Noma Dumezweni are all great in their supportive roes but this is, one hundred percent, Milioti’s vehicle. I’ll get into detail about that later but everyone in this show is excellent in their perspective roles.

That supporting cast are gems in Milioti’s crown but Billy Magnussen is definitely the prize. Dude’s Byron Gogol is f*cking repugnant, man, and Magnussen effortlessly captures that scumbaggery. Like, by the time this first season ends, you definitely hate dude and for good f*cking reason. That said...

Cristin Milioti wears the f*ck out of her crown. This is HER show and it wouldn’t work with anyone else. Milioti is hilarious and vulnerable and crazed and triumphant and defeated and that range is so palpable in her performance as Hazel. you can tell she was able to actually show her stuff in this role and she puled out all of the stops. This is definitely a star making performance and i think, if this wasn’t a pandemic release, she would be one. Time will tell. Personally, i think awards are bullsh*t but, in the context of the industry, the doors those things can open, they are still relevant. Milioti definitely deserves all of the awards for this run.

The Bad

I didn’t really like the ending. It felt out of character, especially that last shot. I understand why Hazel did it, that make sense, but it still feels off. After you’ve spent seven hours and fifty minutes with this character, seeing what she does in the last ten is kind of bonkers. Actually, that revelation early on feels a bit contrived altogether. I imagine, considering this show is a book adaption, it works better in print but onscreen? Kind of blergh. Especially considering this leaves the show on kind of a “cliffhanger” for a season two.

This isn't a dig on the show, itself, but i f*cking hate these weekly releases. Let me binge, man. I don’t want to wait a week to see new episodes constantly. These ain’t Saturday morning cartoons. We grown and this sh*t ain’t TV. Get your sh*t together, HBO!

The Verdict

I really liked this show. Made for Love was a fun watch in the same vein as Palm Springs but with a much harder edge. The writing is on point, funny in a macabre sort of way, but entertaining as a whole. It is chock full of great performances, headlined but the ever excellent Cristin Milioti. It starts fast and never really lets up, until it does. That ending, man, was rough. I understand why it went out the way it did but i don’t like. It feels disingenuous to the Hazel we’ve spent this last month with, ultimately sacrificing the character’s spirit for season two bait and i kind of hate that. Made for Love is a fun watch at a brisk eight episodes but kind of flubs the landing. If you can look past that and just accept this hing as a vehicle for Cristin Milioti to really show her stuff, i think you’ll have a great time with it. Questionable conclusion aside, i think everyone should check this one out.

[fifthwinter98]

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[theyearoftheking]

Book Twenty-Three: It

"Maybe that’s why God made us kids first and built us close to the ground, because He knows you got to fall down a lot and bleed a lot before you learn that one simple lesson. You pay for what you get, you own what you pay for... and sooner or later whatever you own comes back home to you.” 

I’m just going to come right out and say it.

Orgy. 

Pre-teen child orgy.

Weird-ass, icky, questionable judgement that I’m going to chalk up to years of drug and alcohol abuse... orgy. 

Of all the strange and bizarre things Steve has written over the years, the child orgy scene in It might be the strangest one. I’ve read articles back and forth, and I know there was controversy surrounding whether or not to include it in the movie (glad cooler heads prevailed there!), but ick!!! Maybe it’s because my daughter is Beverly’s age, but ick!!! 

I don’t think it belonged in the book. There were hundreds of other way the kids could have cemented their friendship, and shown adult status without sex. I mean, they already had a blood oath: what more do you need?? 

I know. This is such a small scene in the book, but it troubles me as a woman, a feminist, and most importantly, a mother. And as a writer, I’m also troubled that parts of it are written like a bad porn: “Something that will bring us together forever. Something that will show...that I love you all... Who’s first?” 

Gag. I just threw up in my mouth a little. 

I loved reading It. The past and present chapters of the book flowed so fluidly, the character development was excellent, and Pennywise is terrifying. But this one part just keeps me from ever wanting to read it again. And then it had me questioning my own enjoyment of the book. Should I come down hard on this one for Steve’s tone-deaf attitude towards children having sex? Should I just ignore it and move along? Is it callus for me to enjoy the book, and still be bothered by the child orgy scene? 

I think I finally settled on the last option. 

Okay. We tackled the elephant in the room, now let’s move along to my half-assed review of the rest of the book. 

I thought I had read It in the past, but when the book was delivered, I was shocked to see how thick it was. I was expecting a much shorter read. That was clue number one I had never read it. Clue number two was not really remembering the past and present story lines. So I’m going to assume I’m at that fragile, old age where I no longer remember every book I’ve ever read. 

I have seen both of the recent movies, and thought they stayed fairly true to the book, and I liked their casting. I even imagined several movie characters as I was reading along. It was a solid book, and I flew through it in a little over a week. Not bad for normal reading standards, but a little long for Coronavirus reading standards. 

Cue the Cardi... Coronavirus! 

Sorry. I really love this video, and find myself yelling, “Coronavirus! Shit is real!” far too often. 

So, for those of you who have been living under a rock your entire lives, It is the story of Pennywise, a murderous clown who preys on innocent children in Derry, Maine every twenty-seven years or so. Yes, he’s a clown, but he can also take the form of a spider, a werewolf, or whatever you’re most terrified of. “Glamour, he said, was the Gaelic name for the creature which was haunting Derry; other races and other cultures at other times had different words for it, but they all meant the same thing... The Himalayans called it a tallus or taelus, which meant an evil magic being that could read your mind, and then assume the shape of the thing you were most afraid of.” 

So, It kills little Georgie Denbrough, and his older brother Bill lives with the guilt of Georgie’s death. Bill had been at home with the flu, but had made Georgie a paper boat he could play with outside, and race through the flooding streets. Bill feels if he had been there, Georgie might still be alive, and his parents might be far less vacant and depressed. That’s some serious guilt. 

Bill and his gang of friends: Stan Uris, Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak, Beverly Marsh, Mike Hanlon, and Ben Hanscom all band together and form The Losers Club after admitting they’ve seen It in some form or another. In addition to taking out a few psychotic child bullies in a rock fight, they also mortally wound It. They have a group orgy, and a blood oath to celebrate their victory.

The kids grow up, and all go their seperate ways until twenty-seven years later when Mike calls them all to let them know It is killing again. Stanley Uris kills himself in the bathtub, but the rest of the Losers Club all travel back to Derry to see what’s up. Richie is a California-based DJ, Eddie runs a car service and married a woman just like his crazy mother, Beverly is a famous clothing designer, Ben is a world-famous architect, Bill is an acclaimed writer, and Mike is the librarian at the Derry Public Library. 

All of them have vague memories of their time in Derry, and barely remember one another. But once they get back in town, the memories and bad habits start flooding back. Eddie is back to sucking on his aspirator every few minutes (despite his asthma being psychosomatic), Richie can no longer wear contacts and is back to his dorky glasses, and Bill is back to stuttering, something he hasn’t done since childhood. Good times. 

While the Loser’s Club is assembling and eating Chinese food together, Pennywise takes it upon himself to release psycho childhood bully Henry Bowers from Juniper Hill, the mental institution he’s been in for years. Sidenote... one of the meanest counselors at Juniper Hill is Koontz. Coincidence? I’m going with no... 

Mike informs everyone It is back in action again, killing people, and they all made a promise to come back to Derry if It ever went on another murderous rampage. So, they head back into the sewers again to take It out once and for all. They succeed, Eddie dies, Beverly’s abusive asshole husband dies, Audra, Bill’s wife, is catatonic from the shock of the whole thing, and the entire town of Derry literally and metaphorically collapses in on itself. But on the bright side, It is dead, and there wasn’t another orgy. Huzzah! 

The book is chock full of Steve tropes (chambray work shirts! multiple mentions of Shawshank prison! Happy Crappy everywhere!); and also a few mentions of past and future books. Loser’s Club member Ben Hanscom is a chunky kid, and he’s made fun of for his weight. At one point, he recants a traumatic locker room scene where kids are “fat-paddling” him. Yes, it’s as cringy as it sounds. The gym teacher finally breaks it up, and Ben describes, “...what he did was grab one of my tits in each hand and squeeze. Then he took his hands away and rubbed them on his pants like he’d touched something dirty.” This was basically the male version of Carrie: locker room torture and dirty pillows. I laughed way too hard at that. But unlike Carrie White, Ben grows up to be handsome, famous, and he gets the girl without starting anyone on fire. 

Later on in the novel, Beverly is dealing with her abusive, crazy husband, Tom Rogan. After she beats the crap out of him and flees for Derry, he tries to track her down. First, he stops by her best friend’s house, and almost beats her to death before she tells him Beverly left for Derry. Tom Rogan is so evil and terrifying, I couldn’t help but wonder if his character planted a seed in Steve’s mind for Rose Madder. I saw a lot of similarities. 

There were also a few Dark Tower references. The Turtle is mentioned throughout the book, and The Turtle is also known as Maturin, one of the Guardians of the Beam in the Dark Tower universe. #allthingsservethebeam

Later on, Bill is on his way to take on It and, “He thought dimly of riding in a train and passing one going in the other direction, a train that was so long it seemed eventually to stand still or even move backward. He could still hear It, yammering and buzzing, Its voice high and angry, not human, full of mad hate...”

Could it be Blaine? Blaine is a pain! 

There was also one Wisconsin reference, Beverly takes a flight out of Milwaukee. After several books with no Wisconsin references, it was nice seeing Steve give us the love we deserve. 

Orgy aside, I really loved It (things you never think you’ll say out loud, or type for that matter). If nothing else, you have to give Steve credit for making creepy clowns a thing. At one point in the book, Steve writes, “The fears of children could often be summoned up in a single face... and if bait were needed, why, what child did not love a clown?” 

Um, no children today, thanks to your sick ass! 

Next up is Eyes of the Dragon, which I have never read before, and is slow going. But at least it’s short. 

Total Wisconsin Mentions: 16

Total Dark Tower References: 16

Book Grade: A+

Rebecca’s Definitive Ranking of Stephen King Books

The Talisman: A+

Different Seasons: A+

It: A+

The Shining: A-

The Stand: A-

Skeleton Crew: B+

The Dead Zone: B+

‘Salem’s Lot: B+

Carrie: B+

Creepshow: B+

Cycle of the Werewolf: B-

Danse Macabre: B-

The Running Man: C+

Thinner: C+

The Long Walk: C+

The Gunslinger: C+

Pet Sematary: C+

Firestarter: C+

Rage: C

Cujo: C-

Nightshift: C-

Roadwork: D

Christine: D

Stay healthy and keep social distancing, my friends!

Until next time, Long Days and Pleasant Nights,

Rebecca

[littlemisssquiggles]

Some people say seasons 4 and 5 were weakest in terms of stuff happening for Ruby and character progress for her, compared to the focus of several episodes on Blake. Like Ruby doesn’t get that too much. What would you say to refute that? I’m just curious I like seeing people’s stance on things gives me a new perspective at times.

Hello again Sweet. Seasons greetings to you and your family. Whelp as I toldyou before, I didn’t exactly see V4 and V5 as Ruby’s weakest seasons. On thecontrary, this squiggle meister hasthe opposite opinion in which I think that V6was Ruby’s weakest season (with the current V7 potentially becoming a closesecond) despite her enduring quite a bit of focus and development during that volume.

Although much didn’t happen for Ruby during V4 and V5, I personally didn’t mindit . While the title of RWBY says that the storycenters around the adventures of all four RWBY girls, I’ve always had the greater impression that Ruby was the mainheroine of the story.

This was evidenced by the fact thatshe was the first character to be introduced to us both in her originalcharacter trailer and the first episode of the series. Not to mention that for a good chunk of the Beacon Trilogy (V1-V3), you can say that much emphasis was based onRuby, often by her own peers which made her stand out compared to her oldermore experienced teammates.

Basically what I’m saying is thatfor half of RWBY’s narrative, Ruby had been a focal character. So when V4rolled up and we got an opportunity to focus on the JNR members for a change,particularly Ren and Nora, for me, I actually enjoyed it. I know some Ruby stansdidn’t like that Ruby’s time with JNR involved her receiving less focus as opposedto the rest of her team (who were the focal characters of their own plots whilethe team were divided during the first 2/3 of the Mistral Trilogy). But like Isaid, I didn’t mind it coming off the high of the Beacon Arc which, in myopinion, had a good amount of Ruby development to satisfy me long enough untilthe PLOT was ready to resume fleshing out what’s next to come for her story.

To me, my biggest gripe with V4 andV5 had less to do with that. As a matter of fact, I actually disagree withfolks on saying that Ruby did receive focus during those two seasons. What wasproblematic for me was what the PLOT—here go the CRWBY Writers at the time(Miles and Kerry) chose to focus on as part of Ruby’s story for the Mistral Trilogy.

During the Beacon Trilogy, Ruby’s arcwas her starting her journey to become a huntress and most of her story fromV1-V3 was about her training to live up to that aspiration of hers whilelearning to be a leader as part of a huntsmen team. It was an establishedaspect of Ruby’s story that remained pretty consistent until the conclusion ofthe Fall of Beacon.

However at the end of V3, the CRWBYWriters introduced this new element of intrigue to her character—her being aSilver Eyed Warrior. After the end of V3, I was hoping that the nextinstallment in Ruby’s development would’ve involved her unlocking the mysteriesof these mystical powers she alone seemed to possess, learning about its strangeorigins in connection to her mother and even Ozpin who seemed to be the onlyperson at the time who knew any info on the Silver Eyes, as revealed by QrowBranwen back during the finale of V3.

I thought Ruby learning aboutthe Silver Eyed Warriors and potentially starting her training to become a fullyrealized one was what the Writers’ had next in store for her story.

But rather than watching three seasonsof Ruby learning about the Silver Eyes, instead we spent two full seasons—V4and V5—feeling as if the PLOT had forgotten this new part of Ruby’s story asthey had her focusing on other things. 

At the time, I previously chocked upRuby’s lack of interest in learning more about her Silver Eyed heritage as her concentratingmore on the upcoming Battle of Haven and the acquirement of the Relic ofKnowledge since that was the main objective of the Mistral Arc at the time. Howeverthe more I thought about it, the more I started to think that it probably would’vebeen a better idea if the PLOT had spent more time providing the groundwork forthat side of Ruby’s story.

Even if it was as small as Ruby simply askingfor more information on who the Silver Eyed Warriors were, I would’vetaken that as opposed to having her not care about it at all for two seasons.Especially since it was tied to her relationship with her mother as well aswhat happens later in V6 after Maria Calavera’s debut. 

This also illustrates my biggestpeeve with the treatment of Maria. As much as I really, really like our veteran pocket abuelita,right now she feels like wasted potential.

The Writers had an opportunity tomake Maria a significant character in Ruby’s rise to Silver Eye status as theold lady is the first and only other Silver Eyed Warrior that Ruby has met inthe story thus far.

Instead, the PLOT practicallyrendered Maria’s character irrelevant bythe finale of V6 after rushing Ruby’squintessential ‘magnumopus’ moment with her Indomitablescene against the Leviathan Grimm.

They still had a chance to redeemthemselves by progressing Ruby’s relationship with Maria for this season. Butfor the second time since V4 and V5, the CRWBY Writers have once againabandoned focusing on building up Ruby as a Silver Eye in favour of forcing development onto another side of her character.

What do I mean by that, you might ask?

Back in V5, it was said that Ruby’s so-called‘problem’ was that she needed to learn hand to hand combat…in spite of her alleged ineptitude forhand to hand never being a key liability to her fighting style inprevious seasons. I mean yes we saw Ruby struggle without Crescent Rose duringher brief altercation with Mercury Black during the Vytal Festival back in V3however we’ve also had moments when Ruby was able to hold her own without theneed for her trademark weapon as shown back in her last fight against Torchwickand Neo in the same season.

So the Writers making the choice to alter that trait in Ruby’s character to suit the PLOTfor that respective season honestly came off as a minor retcon for our little red rose .A retconthat was ultimately made pointless bythe end of V5 entering V6 since Ruby was never seen using or even needing to use hand tohand combat ever again; making me ask the obvious of question of whythe Writers chose to have that be a point of focus for Ruby back in V5 sincethem dropping it a season later  madethat aspect of her story from the season before quite meaningless.

Now this squiggle meister is starting to get a weird sense of déjà vusince I’m seeing a similar pattern being repeated for Ruby’s character for V7only now it’s with her semblance.

While I understand that one’ssemblance is capable of evolving withtime and proper continuous training as mentioned by Ozpin back in V5, however Ican’t tell whether Harriet’s remark to Ruby in V7CH3 about “there being more to her semblance than sherealized” was an indicator that Ruby’s Petal Burst semblance might be evolvingwithout her realization or not.

I mean that could very well be thecase going on with Ruby. However instead I’m left feeling like it doesn’tmatter or that it’s not really that important since Ruby herself has been shown to notthink about it at all; in spite of characters like Harriet and later Oscar inCH6 pointing out that there is something different going on with her signaturesuperpower. 

Instead I’m left thinking that thewhole thing with Ruby’s semblance for V7 is just another example of the PLOT forcing attention onto another aspect ofRuby’s character that’s didn’t really need it.

Back in V5, hand to hand combat didn’tneed to be an obstacle Ruby needed to overcome since a) scythe-wielding has alwaysbeen her signature combat style since her introduction and most importantlyof all b) she never needed to learn hand to hand since it’s never been a  liability to her as a huntress in the line of combat prior to V5.

And now for V7, I’m seeing a similarthing with Ruby’s semblance seeming to be getting some focus but I’m leftfeeling confused by this choice since Ruby’s semblance had been consistent(mostly) for many seasons and honestly didn’t really need any focus at allsince I wasn’t expecting Ruby’s semblance to be developed moving forward.

I was expecting it to be her SilverEyes especially coming off of the end of V6. However it appears that onceagain, Ruby the Silver Eye plot thread has been dropped for yet another season whichunfortunately makes all of progress back in V6 (as small as it is) feel …well…kindof pointless.

Now the impression I’m left with, asa viewer and Ruby Stan, is that the CRWBY Writersdon’t have a clear blueprint or treatment for what Ruby’s Arc is supposed tobe.  While it’s evident that they do haveIDEAS for what they can do for Ruby’s story, a proper PLAN of how they intendto go about executing said ideas per season isn’t there and it SHOWS in the show.

Case in point, Ruby being a SilverEye. Despite presenting the allusion that Ruby being a Silver Eyed Warrior mightultimately play an important part in her story with Salem, the implementationof them building up that side of her story has not only been sloppily handled butit’s also been very fickle with how they flipflop with other things they claim to be important to Ruby’s development.

And as someone who was very excitedto see the progress of this stage of Ruby’s character, seeing the way the PLOThas been handling Ruby in that regard has been a disappointment. Nonetheless, inspite of the oddness in choices made for her writing, this squiggle meister still likes Ruby as our protagonist. She’s stillmy second all-time favourite RWBY character.

If anything, my feelings for Rubyironically match my other favourite character: Oscar—Still one of my favs howeverthe treatment of their side of the story within the series has been so questionable that it’s made it hard toremain invested in whatever the showrunners have planned for said character.Granted that there even is a clear plan which I’m left feeling like there isn’tone based on what I’ve seen so far. However, this is only my opinion.

If anyone reading through myresponse respectfully disagrees withme since they’ve been satisfied with Ruby’s story up until this point then that’sperfectly fine. Like I said, this is my stance onthis subject matter and I hope no one is offended byme taking it this way.

That being said, my verdict isn’tthat Ruby doesn’t receive a lot of focus compared to other characters. As I’vestated throughout my post, I think she receives a good amount as the leader ofour main four. It’s just what the PLOT decides to be the focal point of Ruby’sside of things and the execution of those ideas. This has been my issue withRuby for the past three volumes and even as we’re in V7, it’s unfortunatelystill a problem with the writing for her character for me.

It’s as I said. During the BeaconTrilogy, Ruby’s story was that she wanted to become a huntress to protectothers and a pivotal part of her arc back then was watching her grow into thatrole while proving herself in the eyes of other characters who either doubtedher abilities (such as Weiss) or rose to challenge her on her ideals (such as RomanTorchwick).

It was great watching Ruby grow intoher own as a huntress back in those early seasons because it was a stable part of her character writing that grew withevery season that followed the last.

It’s why I’m having issues followingRuby’s development into a Silver Eyed Warrior (or anything the PLOT has donewith her after V3). The consistency thatwas present with her development has been lost a bit and thus, I’m left feelinglost on what Ruby’s story moving forward is going to actually be.

This isn’t me trying to throw shadeat the Writers or the writing for RWBY in general. It’s just an issue that I’vebeen noticing over the past few seasons, especially since I did my full recapof the whole series last year in preparation for V6.

It’s an overarching issue that, forme, began a bit back during V4 until it was made more apparent by V5. While V6and V7 have shown improvements andsteps in a better direction for the series, unfortunately I’m still noticingthe same lingering problem that has impacted the overall treatment ofcharacters such as Ruby.

Don’t get me wrong. There has been plentyof material dropped by the last few volumes from which I can see the PLOTworking off of to further strengthen Ruby’s story and character. But just likeher treatment back during the Mistral Arc, I’m concerned for the execution of those said ideas and that’s where I mostlystand in that regard.

~LittleMissSquiggles (2019)

[jq37]

The Report Card – Fantasy High Sophomore Year Ep 4

Skipper Thistlespring and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

We pick back up at The Swan’s Little Parade where rich people shenanigans are taking place. Gorgug breaks from the group to try and call Zelda. When she doesn’t answer, he leaves the saddest, sweetest apology voicemail ever. Lou breaks. Siobhan breaks. I break. 

Meanwhile, the rest of the group gameplans. Adaine pushes back against the idea that they have to talk to Aelwyn. Her parents are also an option and Aelwyn is not a good person, no matter how hot Fabian is for her. They also check out the guest book from the hotel and see that Bill Seacaster has stayed there several times, always right after a Garthy O’Brien (they see that it happened a bunch while they were in jail and it was probably in conjunction with when Bill was supplying palimpsests). Fabian recognizes the name as a pirate and Cathilda knows they run the Gold Gardens which is a floating pirate casino/brothel.

Kristen tries to release Gorthalax but just confirms that, because of the curse, doing it without messing up Gorthalax is gonna be tough. 

Sandra-Lynn goes to get Gorgug while Fig decides to careen the campaign into Crazytown and make herself Empress for Life of the same. She disguises herself as an old lady and tries to drop off a note giving her phone number as the new number of the cop she impersonated last episode (Detective Decker) so she can send a fully grown cop texts that would def get him Chris Hansen’d irl. Brennan decides that if she’s gonna keep making beds, she should probably lie in one of them for once and comes for her entire life in the funniest scene of the episode. No recap I could give can do it justice(links to clips here: x, x). Just know it ends with Fig running away and ditching her phone in a lake, which could very possibly have plot consequences if she forgets to replace her phone before she’s in a tight spot where it would be helpful and the absolute dumbest/funniest reason for a character death (I want to note that she did replace her phone technically, but with a huge, old, brick phone from Adaine’s jacket that can’t be as useful as an actual cell). 

ANYWAY

Tracker creates a Moon Haven in the van which is basically like a dope pillow fort with the Sanctuary spell cast on it and TARDIS bigger-on-the-inside spatial mechanics. Once they’re inside the Moon Haven, Ragh finally feels safe to tell them what he knows--which he does telepathically via Adaine and the message spell to make everything extra safe. Here’s a rundown of what he tells them:

He saw Kalina on the night of prom after the big fight. She was talking to Jace (the sorcery “teacher”) and an elven woman who looked like Adaine in black robes--Adaine confirmed with a picture that it was her mother. 

After being healed by Porter, Ragh started walking home and was stopped by Kalina who said she would kill his mom if he told anyone what he saw. 

Ragh’s mom Lydia is also a half-orc barbarian. She was on a mission in the Red Waste (where the 7 Maidens have their Sophomore Year quest) and they found a soul gem that was leaking something bad. She put it in her chest to contain the evil but at the cost of her health. She’s now extremely sick and in a permanent, medically-induced rage to keep her alive. She refuses medical treatment because no one can ensure the evil won’t be released if they remove the gem. 

His mom fucking slaps.

So that’s all deeply worrying. Adaine invites Ragh and his mom to live with them in the Haunted House and Fig offers to give them Dr. Asha’s number. Gorgug discovers the Van can become a boat which is convenient for the pirate-y things they have to do (the Golden Gardens is on the way to Falinel so they decide to stop there first). Fig has a heart to heart with Gilear while Adaine and Sandra-Lynn take first watch outside since the Moon Haven can only hold nine people. Adaine has to roll a wisdom save because she’s outside of the Haven’s protection and, even on a 16, the music goes all scary and she feels that something is in the tent with her outside. Something humanoid and her size with its knees to its chest. She senses that if she sees its face, something will happen to her and, instead of looking at it, she calls for Sandra-Lynn. By the time she shows up, the thing is gone. Fig assures Adaine that she’s not crazy or seeing things and, based on Adaine’s description, they’re able to deduce that it wasn’t Baron or Kalina. 

In the morning, Gorgug is pretty bummed and asks everyone to call him Skipper. Kristen is very down and Fabian is very not. They discuss whether they should tell all of the information from Ragh to the 7 Maidens (no) and whether Gorgug should call Zelda (yes). They drive into the sea. Gorgug finally talks to Zelda who is not happy with him for the ghosting and unintentional thoughtlessness. She’s even less happy with him when she realizes he forgot to get the generator they needed to stay in touch long distance. They’re breaking up. Do I mean relationship-wise or phone-wise? You don’t know? Well that makes two of us (Thanks, I Hate It).

They’re at sea for two days and then make it to the floating pirate shipwreck city of Leviathan. Pirate adventures next week, y’all! 

Detention

Fig for Trying to Seduce ANOTHER Middle-Aged Man

Listen, I’ll stop putting her here for this when she stops doing this. Not to mention, she invented a whole ass person (HILDA HILDA?????) when she’s just been told that nightmare monsters are being generated from lies. Fig, my girl. Ms. Faeth. Please. I’m begging you. Please. 

Honor Roll

All of the Adults for Stepping Up

Every single adult in this episode was on fire. Fig confided in Gilear and he stepped up to the plate with a This-Is-So-Serious-I’m-Going-To-Use-Your-Actual-Full-Name, speech. Sandra-Lynn showed Adaine how to do some ranger stuff and jumped in to save her when she cried out. Cathilda was ready with warm milk and cookies she somehow was able to make in the van as soon as Adaine needed them. Sandra-Lynn also had a heart to heart with Fig and even Gorthalax, who’s still trapped in the ruby, gave Fig a spell slot back. And, of course, Ragh’s mom slaps. 

Random Thoughts

Adaine and Fabian both being uber rich but being on the opposite ends of the rich people spectrum is hilarious. Adaine is a “Sleeping in a van? I’ve heard of that but I’ve never gotten to do it. This will be fun!” Rich Kid  and Fabian is a “No turn down service? Hard pass,” Rich Kid. 

I was happy that they brought Ragh along for comedy reasons but who knew he was gonna be so chock full of backstory and important story beats? Like, every good GM has a way of making whatever story path that was chosen seem like the only way the story could have gone and I’m sure that whoever was picked, Brennan would have made that seem like the obvious and essential choices but I’m very happy they picked Ragh. Him talking about how much he loves his mom was so adorable! I love that he’s a big, good, dumb boy now and I’m happy they invited him to live at the Haunted House. That’s def gonna be good for some shenanigans (also love that Adaine’s only stipulation was that he had to be nice to Zayn and he was so eager to agree).  

Insane Ally Move of the Game: Deciding that Kristen genuinely doesn’t know Gilear used to be lunch lad at their school. Is Kristen even on the same plane of existence as everyone else. And then, later, “I worry about Gilear.” Do you really???

I totally forgot that Gilear was not only an elven diplomat but also a full on actual counselor. Makes it even wilder that he lost the job to Jawbone. Also, while we’re talking about him, I said we were gonna inevitably gonna get some more color on Gilear this season and we saw some of that in this ep when Adaine uses detect thoughts on him (which, btw, seems like a horribly invasive thing that people do very casually in this world) and we see that he gave up his career for Sandra-Lynn and then was wrecked when she cheated on him. Really puts a melancholy shade over his hilarious ineptness. 

Another thing I figured we’d see soon and that we’re starting to see is Adaine speaking up on Aelwyn. Two times this ep she tried to steer the group away from Aelwyn and seemed more serious than her usual trash talk. As excited as I am for pirate adventures, I want to get to Falinel ASAP to see how this shakes out. 

Also, on the mom front, wild that we found out that Ragh has a super dope mom in the same scene Adaine took another L and found out that her mom is also involved in this shadiness. Black robes are never a good sign. But I will say, just based on the story beats we’ve gotten, I’m not totally sold on the idea that she’s 100% bad--or at least that she doesn’t care for Adaine at all. I’m wondering if she wasn’t at school trying to find Adaine (possibly among other things). 

“Every time you have sex it’s a gamble. You could lose your heart.”/”What happened to you on tour?”

Gorgug trying to let a full sized griffon land on his arm is hilarious. I love that. He’s so wholesome and dumb.

I love that when Emily was doing her Hilda-Hilda nonsense , turned into Detective Decker, and ran past the police house precinct, Lou was the only person who was on her wavelength and understood what she was trying to do while everyone else was like????

We find out in this ep that Van can control all the auxiliary functions of the van but not the actual driving, which is important to know before a sticky situation. On a more personal note, we find out that he was originally a planetar (second most powerful D&D angel) of Elysium, specializing in harmony, relaxation, and chill vibes and he got dumped and kicked out of heaven for sleeping through a call to battle.

We also get the cursed image of a van with hands which I knew was gonna be the shirt and lo and behold. 

“Fuck Me.”/”When.” Y’all are the worst. 

I love that Brennan mentioned Porter in Ragh’s flashback, fully knowing it was gonna trigger Emily. 

Fig’s new plan is to get all of her parents in a throuple and I don’t even know where to begin with that tbh so I won’t.

@voxfantasma made a comment last week that Sandra-Lynn very well could have seen Kalina which is why she can she her in the photo--which is an offhand comment I made when I was talking about the rules of the photo last week--and Ragh’s reaction to the photo is making me move this theory back up to the top spot. I still wish they would show the photo to more people so we’d have more data for this. 

I loved Fig tossing Fabian a bardic inspiration for a compliment even though he didn’t really need it. I also love that she has a rider in her rockstar contract necessitating gogurt be at all her shows for Gilear. 

Adaine paranoidly casting water breathing on everyone at the slightest hint that they may have to go near water. Our girl is learning from the mistakes of the last oracle. 

With the gang facing off against the Nightmare King and Brennan’s description of the thing in Adaine’s tent as being humanoid, about her side, and sitting in a sort of defensive way, I’m wondering it what it was was a manifestation of her own anxiety or something along those lines. Of course, it could just be a normal ass monster. Sometimes the scariest thing is your inner turmoil and sometimes it’s just a monster trying to bite your head off. 

We also learn that Cathilda has a super wild adventurer’s life before she settled down to be a maid--so she knows what she’s missing and she’s fine with it--and also that she is paid ridiculously well, which makes me feel better about what’s going on with her. Also, her moment with Adaine and the cookies was so sweet. My notes for that scene say, “Adaine loves Cathilda and so do I.”

I loved Murph and Riz going equally Pepe Silvia trying to anagram out Garthy O’Brien (which is also what I was doing, especially since Brennan specifically spelled out the name). Cheers to Murph/Riz and Siobhan/Adaine trying to single handedly keep the story on track--both in and out of character.

There’s a part in this ep where Adaine Ray of Frosts Fig who immediately Hellish Rebukes her and that’s truly the kind of step-sister shenanigans I want to see from them as much as possible please and thank you. Also, like I said before, it was very sweet of Fig to reassure Adaine that she wasn’t just seeing things in the tent. Her catfishing middle aged men aside, she can be very empathetic when she wants to be.  

Adaine cast (or tried to cast Friends) on the thing in her tent. And I think it’s very telling about her character that that’s the spell she would cast and not an offensive one. Not that messing w/ someone’s brain is a super chill thing to do or anything, but I think, “Maybe I can calm whoever this is and talk to them and we can get some information,” is a much more measured reaction than maybe, “Let’s blast this thing to kingdom come and ask questions later.”

“Man van is a boat, my boat is a van.”

Brennan lets Adaine roll w/ advantage to convince the Hangman to come with them on the Van (which he still hates) because she said, “Please” really cute which is the kind of arbitrary DM fiat that I love. 

Adaine: We should tell them unless we’re being graded on a curve. (Savage.)

“Fig, she’s a maid. She’s not allowed to lie.”

All the skipper talk this ep got the Gilligan’s Island theme stuck in my head (never seen an ep but my mom watches it sometimes) so the next day I was getting dressed going “With Fabian, and the skipper too, the oracle, the PI,” to the GI theme song. Also, did not know skipper and captain were the same title until Fabian got all upset and I looked it up. Yet another piece of information I know because of some game (along with what a panacea is (Dragon Quest 9) and where the CDC is (Pandemic)).

Gorgug, being offered a virgin daiquiri: No thanks, I’m driving. (I’ve said this before: Zac low key has the best comic timing of anyone.)

When Riz is angraming, one of the things he ends up with is something about a “night yorb” which Brennan decided is a real thing that both the Hangman and the Van are very wary about. Having the Hangman constantly being like, “SPEAK NOT OF THE NIGHT YORB!” and the Van being like, “Seriously, don’t fuck with the night york,” was so funny and such nonsense. I can’t wait for the night yorb mini boss fight that has to happen now because of the rule of funny.

Gorgug comes down from his call with Zelda and everyone except for Fabian (and probably Ragh who cannon-balls off the boat w/ Fabian and they both have to be rescued by Sandra-Lynn) knows exactly what happened immediately. Aw, buddy. One of my favorite things about media where you have kids saving the world is you have relationship drama and also the world is ending and it all feels equally high stakes. I find that so funny but also it feels very representative of what high school was like, or at least what it felt like (minus the literal apocalypse, obv. Or maybe not. Idk what was going on at your high school). 

Adaine continues lending out Boggy to anyone who needs him.

Also, Gorgug tries to build a cell tower with driftwood and parts from Adaine’s jacket. It’s not going super hot. 

Both Adaine and Riz are podcast nerds and listen to This Solesian Life. All checks out. Their friendship is underrated.  

“I’m feeling really bad and my van is a boat.”

“I was gonna be straight edge except for drugs,” gives me “Sober salad” energy. 

The whole discussion about Kristen getting tracker silly putty for her birthday. 

The Van was serving some serious Ned Flanders energy along with the Owen Wilson energy this episode. 

Brennan does pretty good whale noises. 

Only crit this episode is Fig with a nat 20 insight to know Gorgug’s conversation with Zelda did not go well. Which is something she’d crit on.

[leilakisakabiri]

Interstate - 94 (d.d)

plot: the reader goes to Chicago with David for the holidays and then decides to pay a visit to her own family, Too bad she doesn’t make it to her family. 

warning: fluff, worried david, lil’ stressful situation?

send in ur David requests if you guys have any, enjoy!

(the gif literally has nothing to do with the story, i just thot it was cute ok.)

⍣⍣⍣

December.

The month that marks the beginning of the end, the end of one chapter and the starting of another. The festive season. The month filled with joy and embracing love ones.

Also coincidentally the month with the highest rate of car accident’s, especially in the Midwest.

You had come with David to Chicago this year, you guys had been dating for about 8 months at this point, and when he had asked you to come you were more than happy to oblige. Since it was the holidays, nobody else would be joining the two of you except Natalie.

It was your third day in Vernon Hills, and it also happened to be Christmas Eve, you were planning on leaving that evening to drive to your hometown of Minnesota. The plan was for you to go first, that way you could both be with your families on Christmas, and then the next day David was going to come and join you. It was a great plan, you guys were essentially hitting two birds with one stone, that way you both got to spend time with your families and see each other. It seemed foolproof, but neither of you had expected one factor, the weather.

You left Chicago that evening in the rental car you and David had rented, it was around an 8-hour drive to get to your hometown, so you would reach very early in the morning. After saying goodbye to David’s family and thanking them for letting you stay with them, you pulled David outside to say goodbye.

You both walked out together, him leaning down to give you a kiss. You smiled into the kiss, finally pulling back, unwrapping yourself from him “I gotta go, bye David.”

He groaned, grabbing your wrist and pulling you back into his embrace, he hugged you, rocking your bodies back and forth,

“I’m gonna miss you Y/N.”

You laughed, “David I’m gonna see you in two days.”

“Too long,” he muttered in your hair.

You giggled again, finally detaching yourself from him,

“I’ll see you soon.”

He smiled, giving you a quick kiss,

“One for the road,” he said winking.

You grinned back at him, turning to walk to the car,

“Bye babe.”

He waved, watching you as you got in the car, “Stay safe.” he finally, the roaring engine of the car partially drowning his voice out. You gave him a thumbs up and peeled out of the driveway ready to hit the road and see your family.

-

It was hour 4 and you were halfway there, and you drove closer to your hometown the more nervous and excited you felt. You were nervous to be back with your family and see your friends again, had things changed or were they still the same? You were excited to be back and catch up, going back home always felt like you were stepping into a time lapse, everything was the same, it had been the same since you were 18 and had first left, it felt as if you were still that socially awkward 18-year-old girl just looking for her place in the world.

The empty fields covered with snow passed you left and right, you loved drives like this, it felt so calm, there were no cities, no lights, no loud noises, just peace. This year the weather had been especially bad with numerous blizzards hitting the Midwest within a matter of days.

Tonight was no different, the snow had slowly started falling an hour ago but now that the wind had picked up it was flying all over the place, making driving a little difficult. You heard the radio host talking about hazardous weather conditions when you had first left the city but you had brushed it off. You’d grown up in Minnesota, you got your license driving through 4 inches of snow, you could handle a little snow. However, you had severely misinterpreted how bad it really was.

As you continued to drive, it became harder and harder to see, the snow piling up on your window pane. You groaned, trying to wipe it off, but it made little difference. It was well past 10 now and you knew you were closer to home than Chicago. You checked your phone for service, debating whether or not to pull to the side of the road and look for hotels to stay the night at.

You had no service.

You groaned, frustrated, the only bad thing about these types of drives was that the service was usually shitty, going in and out, one second it would be there and the next it was like it was never even there to begin with.

You set your phone to the side, continuing to drive, you just had to push on through, you couldn’t even call if you wanted to anyway.

It was another thirty minutes later and nobody had been on the road for a solid hour at this point, so it was only you. You had become more relaxed, the snow had gotten worse but your eyes had become accustomed to it.

You were just about to turn the corner of the road when you saw headlights coming your way, along with the sound of a large horn blaring. Your eyes widened, normally you wouldn’t be so scared, but the driver was in a truck and it had crossed the intersection and was barreling straight towards your car.

You felt the fear race through your veins, and at the last second you took your foot off the accelerator and turned the wheel as hard as you could. The car did a 180 and skidding on the ice, one second all you saw was snow, the skid marks on the road and then the next the back of the truck had barreled into your car full force, destroying the passenger side and sending you toppling off the road.

You heard the glass shattering on impact and were hurled off the intersection, you felt the car shift beneath you, tires squealing in protest, and before you could even let breathe the care had flipped over in the snow, with you still inside.

Your head was pounding, it felt like someone had torn it apart and squeezed your brain. Your hand shook as you placed it against your head trying to ease the pain. You pulled back when you felt something warm on your fingers, looking at them you felt the bile rise your throat when you saw it coated in crimson red blood.

You heard footsteps outside and then suddenly your car door was being thrown open, a bearded man stared down at you,

“Ma’am can you hear me. Are you okay?” your mouth opened but no words came out, instead, you nodded your head, letting the man take you out of the car.

Once you had finally gotten out, you felt the cold wind nip ferociously at your face. You stood, your body trembling from both the shock of what the hell had just happened and because of the bitter cold.

The older man began apologizing,

“Ma’am I’m so sorry, I hit a patch of ice that I didn’t see, and the truck spun out of control I tried...I couldn’t stop it, I’m so so sorry.”

You were still in shock but you knew it wasn’t his fault, you'd seen plenty of car crashes growing up in Minnesota and you knew that 90% of the time especially in winter it was just due to the horrible weather.

You nodded accepting his apology, “We need to call someone.”

He showed you his phone, “I have no service.”

You turned back to your wrecked car, your heart wrenched as you saw the damage, it was totaled. You pushed back the tears, of course, you had to ruin the car. David would not be happy.

David. Oh god you needed to call David.

You pointed to the car, “my phones in the car.”

The man went to retrieve it, coming out with a shattered I phone in his hand. You sighed, well great.

Your head was stilling pounding but you noticed the blood had dried, probably because of the cold.

“Let’s walk up the road and maybe we can get some service.”

The man agreed and you both walked silently for about five minutes before you heard the man yell, “I got it! I got one bar.”

You smiled, “Thank you, god.”

The man called the police first, explaining to them what had happened. As you listened to him explain you felt the tears prick your eyes, god you had come so close to dying.

There was still so much you wanted to do, so much you wanted to see, so many people that you didn’t want to leave. You weren’t ready to say goodbye, but sitting in the snow late at night on the side of an intersection you realized you didn’t get to choose when you were ready, it happened whether you wanted it to or not, and that thought terrified you.

The man finished talking and gave the phone to you. You dialed David’s number a million thoughts racing through your head.

Please pick up.

It rang and rang and finally when you had started to give up hope that he would answer someone answered. You let out a sigh of relief,

“David?”

You heard someone giggling on the line, “No this is Toby.”

You heard David in the background yelling at Toby for answering an unknown caller, you chocked back a sob, trying to calm yourself down, “H...hey Toby can you please give the phone to David.”

Toby didn’t question it, you heard him give the phone to David whispering, “it’s Y/N she’s crying I think.”

David was on the line within a second, a sense of urgency in his voice, “Y/N what’s going on, why are you calling me from a random number?”

You let out an audible sob when you heard his voice, god you were so scared.

“David” you hiccuped not being able to finish your sentence, “I’m so sor...sorry.”

You could hear the fear starting to seep in through David’s voice, “Y/N what’s going on? You’re scaring me.”

“There was a truck, I didn’t see it, there was ice, and then everything happened and I couldn’t… I cou-couldn’t stop i-it.” You whispered, tears completely drenching your face now.

You could hear David shuffling in the background, “Oh my god. Y/N holy shit. I’m coming baby, where are you?”

You hiccuped, choking on your words, “The car’s totaled David, I’m so sorry. I promise I’ll pay for it.”

“Y/N I don’t give a fuck about the car, I don’t care. I just want to know that you’re okay, your the most important thing to me.”

“You’re not mad?” You asked in a small voice.

He let out a sigh, “No I’m not mad, but please tell me where you are.” His voice broke at the end and you could tell he was on the verge of crying.

You gave him the details and after assuring him that you were fine multiple times and that you would stay put and wait until help arrived he hung up, promising you he would be there soon.

It was another 15 minutes later, and the throbbing in your head had returned, this time however accompanied by a sharp stinging sensation in your ribs. The man whose name you had come to learn as, Roger, stood next to you huddled underneath the tree. It was unbelievably cold, with temperatures going below -20 degrees. Thankfully both of you were decked out in winter gear head to toe so you had at least a little warmth, but slowly as the minutes past you could feel your toes starting to freeze.

Finally, you saw the flashing red lights and both of you immediately headed towards the road, as you approached you saw multiple cop cars and ambulances parked next to the sight of the crash.

The pain was almost unbearable in your ribcage now, you felt a sharp pain shoot up your rib cage every time you took a step. You had almost made it to the sight of the crash when you felt your legs give out underneath you. Immediately you were surrounded by a swarm of people, nurses and officers helping you up. You saw the infamous yellow stretcher and you felt bile rise in your throat.

-

The next time you woke up, you were in a hospital room, harsh bright light flooded your vision and you let out a low groan, trying to block out the light with your hand. You heard a sniffle next to you and you turned to see David sitting on a chair near the door, tears streaming down his face.

“Oh my god Y/N.” he rushed over to you, grasping your hand in his.

You let out a watery smile, “Hey dude.”

He let out a small laugh before wrapping you in a hug, burying his head in your shoulder, you could feel your gown get more and more soaked as his body shook. His reaction made you want to cry and soon both of you were a watery sobbing mess.

“I’m never letting you out of my sight again. I’m not losing you, I can’t.” He chocked on his words, pulling back to look you in the eyes.

You held his gaze, your lips turning at the corners, “Fine by me.”

[amostexcellentblog]

Judy Garland: Reflections on an Icon, Gay or Otherwise

Today, June 22, 2019, marks the 50th anniversary of the day we lost one of the world’s greatest entertainers, Judy Garland. In just a few days time we will observe an even more momentous 50th anniversary, that of the Stonewall Uprising which birthed the modern LGBTQ equality movement. If you’re familiar with your queer folk history, you’ll know there are those who claim this close timing is not a coincidence. But we’ll get to that later.

I first encountered Garland the way most people do--my parents showed me The Wizard of Oz when I was little. I don’t remember much of the experience aside from wanting to be a flying monkey for Halloween, and that “Over the Rainbow” made me cry, which was the first time any piece of media had made such an impact on me. It never really occurred to me that the woman who sang that song could have had a career beyond Oz until 12 years ago when I was just finishing Middle School and becoming interested in the Old Hollywood era. She was the first star I formed an emotional connection to, and as I happily made my way through her filmography and read up on her life I first encountered the phrase “gay icon.”

I knew what gay meant, obviously. I was vaguely aware of the LGBTQ and marriage equality movements, but at the time I mostly knew “gay” as the insult hurled at me seemingly everyday of Middle School for a series of things I never gave a second thought to but were apparently tell-tale signs that I was that way, and thus a figure deserving of torment--how I carried my books, how I sat, how I looked. My basic opinion of being gay at that point was that it’s fine for other people, but dear god don’t let this be my future!

So, when I realized that the star I was idolizing was famous for being idolized by gay men, I did what I’d become very adept at doing, I ignored the implications. Denial allowed me to spend high school working my way through her films, youtube videos, documentaries, and a biography without really examining why this woman resonated so much with me. So now, as we approached these two anniversaries, it seemed like a good time to finally try to sort through what she meant to me. What I ended up with instead is an essay that’s part personal reflection and part mediation on the meaning of the term “Gay Icon” in the era of Marriage Equality and Corporate-Sponsored Pride.

The term “Gay Icon” has been used to mean several similar, but different types of people. To clarify, when I talk about Gay Icons in this post, I’m talking specifically about a subset of gay icons related to the so-called “Diva Worship” culture among gay men. Nobody really seems to know why exactly gay men are so drawn to larger-than-life women, I’ve heard too many reasons to go into them all now, but even if not all of us go for the cliches (Cher, Gaga, etc.) pretty much every gay man has a female figure--real or fictional--they connect with in a way their straight male peers don’t.

Looking back, it’s obvious why Garland resonated with me. She was chronically insecure, especially about her looks--as was I. She spent her life wanting desperately to for someone to love her unconditionally and to be able to love them back, only to be denied this simple happiness time after time--well, of course that would resonate with a gay audience, especially in her lifetime. And she was a survivor, repeatedly cast aside by the press and the industry as washed up, she continually had the last laugh. She had a strength to her that I wanted. It was a different kind of strength than the physical/masculine kind offered by the pro-athletes and superheroes my male peers emulated, but which I found unrelatable and unappealing. Hers was a strength that came dressed in sequins and high heels, and I just thought it was fabulous.

Garland though, is more than just a gay icon, in a lot of ways she seems to be the gay icon. The popular code phrase “friend of Dorothy” is generally assumed to be a reference to her character in Oz. She maintained close friendships with gay men throughout her life, with whom she would frequent illegal gay bars on both coasts. Her father was a closeted homosexual, and biographers have speculated this is why so many of the men she was attracted to, both as friends and romantically, turned out to be gay or bi. She was one of the first celebrities to have their gay following acknowledged in the mainstream press. There’s even footage on youtube of her being asked directly about why she attracts so many “homosexuals,” and she is visibly thrown by it.

To understand why Garland would be so flustered over that question, it’s important to understand how being popular with the gay community was perceived in her lifetime. William Goldman’s The Season, his influential book about the 1967–68 season on and off Broadway, includes an account from an unnamed screenwriter friend describing a mid-1960s cocktail party that offers a fascinating glimpse at just that:

I can’t explain her appeal, but I saw it work once in this crazy way. I was at a party in Malibu... There were a lot of actors there, the word on them was that they were queer, but this was a boy-girl party, everyone was paired off, and these beautiful men and gorgeous broads were talking together and drinking together. Anyway, everything’s going along and it’s sunny, I’m getting a little buzzed... when I realized, Garland was in the room.

The guy she’s with, her husband, supports her as she plops down in this chaise, and says what she wants to drink and he goes off to get it. And she’s sitting all alone and for a minute there was nothing, and then this crazy thing started to happen. Every homosexual in the place, every guy you’d heard whispered about, they left the girls they were with and started to mass move towards Garland. She didn’t ask for it, she was just sitting there, while all these beautiful men circled her. They crowded around her and pretty soon she’s disappeared behind this expansive male fence. It may not sound like all that much, but I’m telling you, she magnetized them. 

I’ll never forget all those famous secret guys moving across this gorgeous patio without a sound, and her just sitting there, blinking. And then they were on her, and she was gone. (x)

Another passage describing one of her concerts in 1967, from Goldman himself, is even more blunt:

Another flutter of fags, half a dozen this time, and watching it all from a corner--two heterosexual married couples. “These fags” the first man says, “it’s like Auschwitz, some of them died along the way but a lot of them got here anyhow!” He turns to the other husband and shrugs, “Tonight, no one goes to the bathroom.” (x)

Both passages, laced with condescension, homophobia, and misogyny, are nevertheless useful windows into a pre-Stonewall way of looking at how far gay culture has come. Today Lady Gaga can sing “Don’t be a drag just be a queen” on a lead single and still reign as a queen of pop music, back then any association with homosexuality was enough to taint you. Garland’s popularity with gay men opens her up to condescending mockery, while gay men’s mere existence at a public event is enough to terrify the heterosexual attendees.

Still, the most revealing part of that last passage might not be the homophobia, but the opening reference to “another flutter of fags, half a dozen.” The fact that a decent amount of gay men evidently felt comfortable enough to express themselves at least somewhat openly at a mainstream public event is notable. In this pre-Stonewall era such openness was generally reserved for bars and other covert safe spaces.

Which brings us back to the first paragraph. If you know any queer folk history, then you’ve probably heard this one--Judy Garland’s funeral sparked the Stonewall Uprising. That fateful night in June the Stonewall Inn was packed with gay men still emotionally raw from losing their idol, so much so that when the police raided the joint they channeled that anger and loss, and fought back, and the modern LGBTQ movement was born! It’s a story that would solidify Garland’s status as the definitive gay icon, a martyr for the cause, (move over Harvey Milk!) Except, it’s not true. It’s been debunked multiple times. Most recently in this video from the NY Times.

I bring it up though, because even if she wasn’t the cause, she was still connected to that historic night, if only indirectly. Even as the NY Times video debunks the myth of her funeral causing it, two of the uprising’s participants interviewed do admit to being at Garland’s funeral, which really was held just hours before the violence started. Other accounts from people who patronized Stonewall have said that “Judy Garland” was a popular fake name to use on a sign-in book at the entrance. In other words, even if she didn’t cause them, she was still an important figure for some of the people who went on to build the modern equality movement.

As a final thought to wrap this all up, I’ve been thinking about Garland and her status as a gay icon. It’s no secret that as the years have passed by she’s been somewhat supplemented by younger icons for younger generations. There’s been some question over whether Garland even has a place in a gay culture that now has people like Lady Gaga and “Born This Way,” openly acknowledging their gay fans in ways Garland never could. 

At the same time, I can’t help but feel the recent debate over Taylor Swift’s gay-themed music video demonstrates why Garland still deserves her Gay Icon status, even if most younger queer people today don’t have the same connection to her that older generations did. Swift’s video, chocked full of every out celebrity who would return her calls and saturated in a rainbow-hue, has faced criticism for being “performative activism.” That after being fairly silent on the issue for so long she’s now trying to cash-in on the movement by branding her single a new gay anthem for Pride Month. The fact that with one exception, which misuses the word “shade,” the lyrics to the song sound more like they’re referring to Swift’s online haters rather than anti-LGBTQ bigots, certainly helps the critics’ case. As does the fact that Swift never seemed to have much interest in building a large gay following before this.

Yet there’s also a sense that this was inevitable. Corporations already roll out rainbow colored logos for Pride, in retrospect it seems obvious that celebrities, and their PR firms, would start deliberately trying to market themselves as a gay icon without first taking the time to build a large following in the LGBTQ community. (Gaga’s established gay fanbase undoubtedly blunted similar criticisms of “Born This Way,” for example.) Garland in this case then serves as a symbol of a time when the Gay Icon title wasn’t anointed by marketing campaigns, but emerged organically from a genuine affection for an individual held by a large number of queer people. A reminder of how important that affection was to members of our community, (and still is to many of us) even if it could only go one-way. And perhaps even a warning, of what we might lose if we let this important part of gay subculture be transformed into just another marketing gimmick.

But I’ll leave all that for another time. For now, I’ll just say, thank you Judy Garland. Thank you for all the joy and comfort you’ve given to generations of gay men. And thank you especially for the companionship you gave me while I was still figuring some things out.

[jessamygriffin]

The Legend

Dear @youcantdothatpod

Hello, Hockey Coven, it is I, one of the two responsible for the Pierre-Édouard Bellemare DreamBoat Manifesto of old, penning this under my normal Tumblr journal instead of the hockey one for no good reason, and I come to you, with respect, and with full knowledge of certain coven members love of Russian players (though this one is not a Siberian) to ask for either a history lesson or dream boat nomination for my guy - for having an interesting life, to say the least. He is my favorite Russian player. Yes, possibly even over Ovi. 

And yet he never made the NHL.

Oh. My. GOD. some listeners must be thinking at this point. Why even BOTHER with this guy??? he’s not in the fucking NHL!

(And can I just say, in this case, we must never be the Bettmans of the hockey world, who was bloated with hubris thinking to bring hockey like a Messiah to the unenlightened Asian continent a few years back [ha ha fuck off, they’ve had hockey here as long as the NHL has existed? I live in Japan btw] and we must not think that the NHL is the end-all-be-all of hockey aspiration. It wasn’t. It isn’t. Times were different. There wasn’t even a KHL at the time our story begins.)

I bring him to your attention because he is THE BEST.

His story begins in the Siberian IHL, passing a pretty tough try-out as a kid to start playing for the Red Army team, CSKA Moscow.

I feel like I ought not throw in all his info here? Maybe just a few highlights? And some comments. Ok who am I kidding it will get long.

Here: Vladislav Tretiak.

Vladislav Aleksandrovich Tretiak, goalie, current president of the IIHFR.

He won a lot of shit. I’ll just link the Wiki here - it’s a list.

He looks kinda like Spock, but in the best red-blooded ways, not that I would ever judge anyone for wanting to get freaky with a green-blooded half-alien. His goalie training looks a lot like cossack dance.

(MUTE THIS VIDEO THO)

There’s some other worse quality vids of him doing similar and playing with his son, so. There’s that. Skip ahead to the tennis ball part.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrfOsCVakvs

He started hockey kinda late, at age 11.

And Canadian hockeys LOVED him. *See below pic of jersey swap with Wayne Gretzky for proof.

Really, you gasp. Say it ain’t so! Impossible!!!

Truth.

How did the so-called hockey world (which of course was based in NA according to old boring hockey men) discover this Dumbo-eared wunderkind? The 1972 Summit Series.

(Yes, he grew his hair out and covered the mudflaps, and it was MUCH BETTER, sorry Vladdy.)

‘Ho hum,’ said the Canadians, ‘Russia thinks they are good at hockey, how ‘bout we have the Summit Series and quash their pretensions? That gold medal in Sapporo? a FLUKE. Ha ha, look at their goalie, this will be a cakewalk, he let in EIGHT GOALS in this game we just saw, oh well, let’s go have a beer and light up a dart, eh, boys? Eight games, pfft. We’ll sweep them.’

Joke was on them - Vladdy or Vladik was gettiing married the next day and weirdly? Couldn’t concentrate.

Summit Series ended up with one tie, 3 Russian wins and 4 Canadian, with the Canadians playing their dirty rough style, and the Russians their smooth, machine-cog style. That series was a gongshow of biased refereeing, Russian goal judges not turning on goals lights, and teams leaving the bench to have Canadian or Russian tantrums. Actual ankle-breaking occured.

Canadians had two goalies. Russian had one. He was 20. My boy. He KILLED it. And to say the Canadians were pretty horned about about this alien cheekboned man-child after expected a blow-out? MASSIVE understatement, HUGELY horny. As they should have been. Ken Dryden LOVED him. Jacques Plante himself, maybe feeling sorry for the kid, came and talked to him before the tournament started and let him know how different players would try to score. ‘A big help,’ Vladdy said. ‘I don’t know why he did that.’  LOTS of players were in awe. Canada was turned upside, Toronto became Tijuana and nothing was ever the same. The Interest in Russian Players was, officially, a Thing. (Kharlamov was a big part of the interest but that’s a whole ‘nother story.)

The horniness was, in fact, so uncontainable that several NHL teams expressed an interest, and one team was bold enough to draft him in 1983, when he was the ripe age of 31, which at the time was not TOTALLY hockey-old for goalies and players like it is now. Yes, the Habs. Consider that 3 years later rookie Patrick Roy backstopped the Canadiens to several Stanley Cups, and imagine what they could have been even earlier, with Tretiak. HOooooO.  Serge Savard hit up Moscow four times during the winter of ‘84 to try and secure his release.

Russian wouldn’t let him go, of course. Tretiak was a only lieutenant-colonel in the Soviet army, and not playing the high level hockey he had previously, and thusly COULD be replaced in the system. Soviet officials ultimately vetoed a transfer. “Oooh his dad was a major, how can we let this son of a distinguished man go and play HOCKEY, it’s a disGRACE!” Or at least that’s what we were told. Okay, Jan.

He quit playing at age 32. Thirty fucking two!!!  He’d done his 4th Olympics in a row by this point in 1984, and had the honour of carrying the flag for his nation, though he said it was probably because no one else had done 4 Olympics in a row. He wanted to spend more time with his family, and asked Tikhonov, coach of the national team and CSKA to let him have, ya know. Quality family time. (You’ll remember this douche from previous Russia Hockey Stories.) Tikhonov said, no, you live at the compound like everyone else for 11 months of the year. Ah ha ha.

Roll back a few years, for a grudge. Tretiak, if you’ll recall from the Miracle on Ice, was pulled from the game against the Americans by ol’ Tikky after letting in ONE (1) goal in the first period. All the Russians knew, but would never say until much much later, what a massive mistake that was - and you know the Miracle story anyway. Tretiak said himself it was a mistake, and he wouldn’t have lost the game. 

So, all things considered, in spite of having loads of playing life left in those kicky legs, Tretiak noped out and retired, for the reason of  being denied time with his family. And not getting to go abroad to play, which was probably a bitter pill and so quitting while he was still useful was a good Fuck You to the officials who used him up like a tissue playing hockey for his team and country. And of course, he was exhausted. At age 32.  "I'd played fifteen years with the Army Club and the National Team without a break. Backup goalies came and went, as did three generations of forwards and defensemen, but through four Olympic Games, all the important ones with the professionals, all the World Championships, all the Izvestia tournaments, it was I who played in the net."

Frankly, he should have just defected like others did later. Sent his family to watch him in a tournament and done a Sound-of-Music-esque Von Tretiak escape out the Zamboni exit, over the mountains and far away.

He would have been the first if he had. One of the most famous players in Russia, leaving for a career in the corrupt West. I’m glad he at least thought about it a little, even if it never happened. God, that would have been great. I’m glad that the NHL were able to pull their xenophobic heads from their asses enough to know greatness, and to want that brilliance shining on their teams.

But really, in the end, the man done him dirty. “In spite of aggressive discussions with Soviet authorities, Canadiens' general manager Serge Savard was unable to secure Tretiak's release for Montreal. "I would have loved to play in the Forum," Tretiak admits. "I was hoping to one day play in the NHL. I would have liked to do it even for just one season. Unfortunately, it didn't work out that way. I regret not having the chance." “

Still, the NHL and hockey in NA didn’t forget him. There were laurels left to be given.

He was the first Russian to be inducted into the HHoF, and the first to be entered without ever having played in the NHL.

Was he done with hockey? Heck no. Remember when I said Canadians loved him? It may have been mentioned a time or five.

In 1988, hockey royalty got married - Wayne Gretzky and Janet Jones. Befitting royalty, her dress cost $40,000, and gifts filled three rooms of the hotel. Notably, amongst them was a gold swan from a certain Soviet goalie Vladislav Tretiak. Why??? Swans are good luck, said Vladdy. They mate for life. And lo, the couple is still together.

In 1990, Mike Keenan hired him to be a goalie coach for the Blackhawks, and was (again) so turned on by his mastery that he suggested the 38 year could still play in the NHL? Vladik laughed and said no, but coaching was the next best thing. He worked with the best - Belfour, Hasek, Thibault, and you’ll be shocked that loads of tendies wear his #20 in tribute. He runs - or ran? website not updated in a while - the most challenging goalie school in NA in Toronto in summers.

He worked with the ‘Hawks until 2007, and then went on to be a pillar in Russian hockey leadership. Coach. Etc.

He wrote a book, which was really what got me into Russian hockey - it was wild to me at the time when I read it in high school some (Cough cough) years ago, so alien. But it’s chock full of the stories you love. His first coach Tarasov, wanted him because he was ‘tall’ (6′ is tall in Russia???) and had ‘huge hands’ and reminded him of Jacques Plante. The book’s pretty frank about hockey history and the role ‘Miracle on Ice’ played into a kind of American propaganda, which is refreshing. He was politely horrified by seeing Canadian players smoking. His training was bonkers, and included tree-climbing at speed. The Russian team was always trying new stuff, and one time decided on sports psychology, which a teammate helpfully volunteered Vladik for, ‘He’s the most important player, he’s the last defence, work with him!’ (since no one else wanted to). The positive thinking mantras seemed to work as at the next practice they were amazed by his clean play and kicks. But lol, no, next game he got blown out, and was probably glad to send the sports shrink on the way.

And he was crushed  when his teammate, Valeri Kharlamov, with whom he played so long, died at the young age of 33 in a car accident. But Kharlamov is a guy for another section of Hockey Histories.

So. This dream boat.

Ok. I know y’all prefer a defection story, and I think some listeners also? But. Here’s the thing. It’s sexy and romantic but also traumatic as fuck to ditch your country, your life in that political climate, to play the game. And dangerous,  shit man. 1983. U.S.S.R.!!! People still got disappeared! It was fine to treat players like garbage and lock them up for months in a compound and not let them see family! And I sometimes get the feeling that people consider the NHL the pinnacle, like, what a fool is Tretiak? who wouldn’t throw away everything to play NHL hockey? But that’s like, Bettman thinking, that the NHL is the best and perfect when we all know it’s fucking garbage, I know the current KHL has issues, SO MANY it would be a three hour podcast to talk about! So there’s no high ground, really. And in the end, Vladislav Tretiak made a choice that did good by himself, going on to a successful post-hockey career and the upper echelons of Russian hockey, and did well by his family, and of course, being patriotic is sexy, as anyone screeching at their team during the current World Cup of hockey knows. It’s okay that he stayed there. It’s fucking sexy NOT to defect, sometimes. Dude was a champion either way, his life is not a tragedy or lesser for not having played in the NHL and I really want people to know that. 

"For me, it was all, and all of it is with me forever."

Yes, there is life and hockey beyond the NHL. 

And it’s beautiful.

[bountyofbeads]

Trump’s Signature New York Hotel and the Art of the Compromise https://www.nytimes.com/2019/08/25/us/trump-international-hotel-nyc.html

Trump’s Signature New York Hotel and the Art of the Compromise

By Ben Protess and Steve Eder | Published August 25, 2019, 2:53 p.m. ET | New York Times | Posted August 25, 2019 6:40 PM ET |

For more than two decades, the Trump International Hotel and Tower has soared over Central Park, a crown jewel of President Trump’s family business that features luxury hotel rooms and exclusive private residences just off Columbus Circle.

In true Trump fashion, the hotel and tower are branded with the Trump name on three hard-to-miss signs. But this fall, the Trump Organization is expected to overhaul the signage, reflecting in part the strains the Trump presidency has placed on the family’s brand in Mr. Trump’s ever-hostile hometown.

As part of a broader renovation of the property, the company is considering a proposal that would change the signage so that the Trump name is no longer directly associated with the private residences, according to people with knowledge of the proposal. Instead, the skyscraper’s premier Manhattan address — One Central Park West — would get top billing for the residences, while the Trumps would continue to manage the property and keep their name on signs for the hotel.

The proposal is a compromise, offered over the summer by the president’s eldest son, Donald Trump Jr., to head off demands from some owners that the building lose its Trump branding entirely, the people said. If, as expected, the proposal is approved by the building’s condominium board, the Trumps will be spared an embarrassing fight at their flagship hotel just as the 2020 election season hits full swing after Labor Day.

Although the building is not a major moneymaker for the Trumps — their company manages the property and owns some portions of it, but there are hundreds of individual unit owners — it has long held symbolic importance to the president: It was the first hotel to bear his name (and now the only one left in New York), and even as “Trump” has disappeared from other buildings in New York and elsewhere, this signature property was considered untouchable.

That changed after a contentious meeting in June between the condo board and several dozen owners, some of whom complained that the Trump name had been a drag on the property ever since Mr. Trump announced his bid for the presidency four years ago, according to people with knowledge of the meeting who spoke on the condition of anonymity because it was a private session.

In heavily Democratic New York, Mr. Trump’s politics most likely contributed to the discord, which had surfaced in the past as well. But in June, some owners suggested that the polarizing nature of the Trump name was depressing the value of their investments in the building, said the people with knowledge of the meeting. With sales of units in the building slowing in recent years, some owners called for stripping the T-R-U-M-P letters from the property’s signage altogether and renaming the property One Central Park West.

The compromise plan from Donald Jr. would most likely remove the block-lettered “Trump International Hotel and Tower” sign above the building’s shiny entrance and replace it with signage that draws a clear distinction between the hotel and the tower, the people with knowledge of the plan said. That would involve elevating the presence of the One Central Park West address, which currently appears in much smaller lettering than the Trump name elsewhere on the property.

The two other existing Trump signs, both at street level, would also be modified to reflect the branding change, though the details of that modification are unclear.

In a statement, the Trump Organization said it was “very proud of the building, our relationship with the board and the fact that we are rated, year after year, as one of the finest hotels anywhere in the world.” The statement did not address the June board meeting, but a person close to the company suggested that the agitators were a handful of owners who opposed the president’s politics, while others at the company strongly objected to suggestions that the signage changes were related to the complaints.

The president of the condo board said in a separate statement released by the Trump Organization that the board was “unequivocally not considering a change to the name of the building.” The statement made a reference to plans for “an updated portico and modernized exterior signage” without elaborating.

“We have a fantastic relationship with the Trump Organization and look forward to many years of continued collaboration,” said the board president, Doug Russell, who is also a longtime real estate broker in the building.

With the proposed signage change, the board and the Trumps are hoping to satisfy the internal critics pushing to remove the Trump branding altogether. For a name change to happen, the unhappy owners would need to elect a new board, and some of them want to hold elections in the fall. The current board comprises six residential owners, two hotel owners and Donald Jr. One of the board members, a New Jersey doctor, was nominated to the President’s Council on Sports, Fitness and Nutrition.

But even if the owners voted to overhaul the board, it would be nearly impossible to disentangle the Trump Organization from the property.

For one thing, the company owns a unit in the building, as well as the parking garage, valet services and the restaurant space, with the Michelin-starred Jean-Georges. It also owns the room-service kitchens and the lobby bathrooms — without which the hotel arguably would cease to function. “We have a vested interest in the property’s continued success,” the company said in its statement.

The hotel itself “just had one of its best performance years” ever, the statement said, though bookings had slumped during the early part of the presidency along with the broader market, leading to some complaints from people who own hotel rooms and get a cut of their bookings.

Mr. Trump’s run for the presidency also coincided with a slowdown in sales in the building. In the two years after Mr. Trump announced his candidacy in 2015, half as many apartments and hotel rooms sold than in the prior two-year period, according to data from PropertyShark. The price of units sold in the Trump building stacked up well against similar properties in the area in that period.

But since Mr. Trump took office in January 2017, the price of units sold in the Trump building has dropped an average of 23 percent compared with similar units sold in the same building during the campaign. That decline has been much steeper than experienced in the wider Manhattan condo market, according to an independent analysis of the data.

An analysis of residential-only sales conducted by CityRealty, the real estate listings website, showed that the average price per square foot in the Trump building fell 29 percent between its peak in 2015 and 2018. Of the 20 apartments currently for sale, more than half have had their asking prices reduced, though sales and prices have bounced back over the last year or so, potentially buoyed by foreign investors who are either indifferent to American politics or drawn to a Trump property.

“It remains a very desirable building for international buyers,” said Rebecca Mason, managing director of CityRealty.

When the financial outlook for the building was somewhat in doubt last year, some members of the building’s board considered taking steps to ditch the Trump name, The Washington Post reported at the time.

While that went nowhere, the concerns persisted.

At the June meeting, some owners used the opportunity to vent about other simmering problems too, according to the people with knowledge of the meeting. Some residential owners, for example, complained that the Trumps took better care of the hotel side of the building, pointing to a major renovation of the guest rooms and common spaces.

Since the meeting, the company and the board have undertaken plans for a residential hallway renovation. In his statement, Mr. Russell, the board president, noted that the company and the board were also planning to upgrade the building’s grounds, including the new signage, granite sidewalks and “beautiful new landscaping around the perimeter.”

While some owners at the meeting supported renaming the building, others were for a compromise that would elevate the visibility of the “One Central Park West” lettering so that the address, rather than the Trump affiliation, would become one of the building’s most identifying features.

A hotel unit owner, Howard Finkelstein, who favored removing the Trump name altogether and sought a seat on the board, was not aware of the details of the proposal when reached by a Times reporter. He said it did not seem to do enough to alleviate the concerns of some owners.

“I don’t need to be in a building that is right smack in the middle of political warfare in this country,” he said. “The name of the building — whether you like him or don’t like him — is not helping the building.”

Though Mr. Trump’s New York residence is in a different building, on Fifth Avenue, his connection to this skyscraper dates to 1994, when he began collaborating with an affiliate of General Electric to convert a 1960s-era office building into the tower. At the time, the project offered Mr. Trump a shot at redemption after years of business failures.

The building, as Mr. Trump described, had structural problems and was “chock-full of asbestos.” And yet, he wrote in 2008: “The good news was that the building structure was classic and had wonderfully high ceilings. It was worth saving for those important reasons alone.”

In 1995, Mr. Trump and his partners from G.E., along with Rudolph Giuliani, then the mayor, broke ground on what was billed as a $250 million project to transform the building into a “super-luxury” tower with a “shimmering bronze glass facade” that would “command Manhattan’s western skyline.”

A New York Times article about the opening of the tower in 1997 noted some of the hotel’s unusual features: Suites were equipped with a small brass telescope next to a chaise longue, and had “nearly floor-to-ceiling views.”

When preparing to open the building, Mr. Trump was so eager to make his name synonymous with the property that he wanted to slap “Trump International” on the iconic 30-foot-wide silver globe that sits on the grounds, though city officials ultimately blocked it.

In the 2000s, the building became Mr. Trump’s chip in the battle over views of Central Park, as the Time Warner Center emerged across the street — on a site Mr. Trump had bid on and lost. Mr. Trump enjoyed having the One Central Park West address, and bragged about his building having better views than the $1.7 billion property rising nearby.

“A fantastic location with unobstructed views of the park,” Mr. Trump would boast.

[trumpetnista]

CMW2/Trumpetnista: Not You, Too

Summary from FFN: CANON COMPLIANT AU WITH HEAVY SPOILERS FOR THE END OF SEASON 4 AND THE FIRST EPS OF 5. POSSIBLY A FUTURE FIC; Gotham breaks all the rules all the time, especially now. Thankfully, the one about cats having 9 lives? That still holds. Bruce thinks Selina is dead. Everyone does until she walks into the GCPD the next morning.;Rated for language and imagery;1st in my 2019 SSS Project

Words from the Hooded GOTHAMITE: As I said last time, what keeps me watching GOTHAM (other than the awesome writing, dope ass cast, and the lovely fandom...) are Bruce Wayne and Selina Kyle. They hooked me like a fish and I fell in love with the rest of the show in the process. Season 5 has been excellent as always yet bittersweet. It’s supposed to be the last one (I hope not. I hope the show gets picked up or we get a movie or something! It can’t be over yet! Come on!) and I have a feeling that B and Grumpy Cat aren’t gonna be together in the endgame. Not outright, anyways. I don’t think they’ll be enemies but together? As in Helena Wayne showing up levels of together? Nah. 

That’s what fanfic is for. There is a follow up to Positive planned, BTW.

Anyway, this one is another canon complaint AU set in the current season. All you really need to know is that The Eviler Evil Valeska Twin shot our girl, she was paralyzed and now she’s not thanks to Ivy Pepper Version 3’s reluctant help, and Gotham is now divided up into Zones, most of them insane and wild and chock full of yikes. Oh, and Bruce loves Selina but that’s always been pretty fucking obvious. LOL! Enjoy the latest. 

Disclaimer: “Honestly, it’s not mine!”

"What's up, 5-0? Beautiful day, isn't it? The sky is smoggy blue and the birds are singing..."

He was hallucinating.

He had to be.

There was no way that what he was hearing was possible.

No matter how much he ached to, there was no way that he was hearing Selina Kyle's voice.

She was dead. Truly dead. She had gone on one of what she called her "shopping trips" for The Haven and Jeremiah Valeska had finished what he had started that horrible night in the Study. He and his demented girlfriend had trapped her in a warehouse, knocked her out, and blown her up. Not only had they done it, Jeremiah had turned himself in, battered but proud. He claimed that it had been for the best. Selina was nothing but street trash. She was his downfall and utterly unacceptable as a companion for him. Gotham needed its Dark Knight to be with someone who truly understood what reality was. Someone like...

Bruce Wayne hadn't let him finish. Before anyone could stop him, he had picked up a chair and gone after him, much to the shrieking horror of Ecco. It had taken several officers and someone, likely Alfred Pennyworth, sedating him to make him stop. He had woken up in Jim Gordon's office and had stayed on the couch. He didn't want to see anyone. Nobody knew what to say to him. Everyone knew how much Selina meant to him. That was why she had been targeted twice.

Bruce had managed to help her. He had gone straight into the belly of Ivy Pepper's foliage covered beast to get the root to fix her severed spine. Selina had gotten back on her feet immediately and hit the ground running. Shocking everyone, she had opted to wait to get her revenge against Valeska. She was going to play the long game. Valeska wasn't going anywhere. He was just as trapped as everyone else, thanks to the bridges being gone and the Travel Ban.

When asked why, she had sadly explained that Tabitha Galavan, her Mentor turned Sister, had been impatient for revenge and it had taken her life. She had allowed anger and hurt to cloud her judgement. She had dropped her guard and Oswald Cobblepot had promptly murdered her. Bruce had seen it happen. It had been expected. After all, both Galavan siblings had done great harm to the man but hearing Barbara Kean's devastated rage? Knowing that Selina would have to mourn her? It had hurt deeply. It was all a goddamned waste.

Instead of seeking out Valeska or his followers, Selina had opted to use her skills as a thief to help The Haven and its refugees. She would pick a small gang's turf within a Zone, typically Penguin's, and go in for 12-36 hours. She would bring back people, ammunition, medicine, and meaningful things like blankets or feminine hygiene products. She had quickly gained a reputation for being utterly ruthless to any who tried to stop her, which had concerned him greatly. Ivy had warned him that the root would not only fix her spine but amplify the darker aspects of her personality. Bruce had tried to reel her in, leading to several arguments, and eventually, they had reached a stalemate.

She would do what she liked. He would stay out her way or at least keep his judgement to himself while he helped her. Gotham was a madhouse. It always had been but now? It was a free for all. It was survival of the fittest and she would be damned if she let someone who crossed her walk away. She had made that mistake in the past and it had cost her dearly. She had been screwed over one too many times. It would not be happening again. If there was a Hell, she was already going to it so what did it matter, anyways? Self defense wasn't murder, neither was saving people's asses.

Plus, she didn't know about him but she was in no mood to deal with the same group of psychos 10 years from now. She wanted to deal with new psychos.

But, now she wouldn't because she was dead and gone. She was as dead and gone as his parents.

His Selina was gone and Bruce would never see her again, not in this life.

But, the hallucination...she wasn't...she couldn't be...

Could she? Please?

Her mane of golden chestnut curls wasn't singed and pulled up into a messy bun. She wasn't standing in the 12th precinct's main entryway. She wasn't wheezing softly from a partially blocked nose. Her tactical suit wasn't unzipped to reveal a stained gray sports bra and bruised torso. She wasn't looking at the stunned occupants of the room with her usual dismissive amusement, even with a black eye. She wasn't limping and her whip wasn't wrapped around her bruised shoulder like a coil of wire as she drank straight from a bottle of what appeared to be Everclear.

She couldn't be...could she? Was it possible? She couldn't...why was the room spinning? Why was his chest hurting? Bruce stood in the office, speechless and shaking, watching as the Selina hallucination sat on the receptionist desk. It was so real...

"What's the matter? You guys never seen a 7 lives having bitch before?"

"My God..."

"Jesus Christ, Gordon! Get the hell off of me! You, too, Alfred! Bad touch!"

The hallucination looked like her. It definitely sounded like her but it couldn't...she wasn't...but Jim was smiling at it. Alfred was too. Both were still hugging the hallucination and Harvey Bullock had taken its bottle of liquor away, taking a deep swig. She snatched it back from him and shot him a lethal look, making him grin.

"Buzz off, gumshoe. This is mine. I earned it. Plus, it's the closest thing we've got to morphine, which I kinda need right now. I need some morphine, a shower, a nap, maybe take a crap before all of that..."

"Kid, we all thought you were done for. Valeska and his crazy Terminator bitch said you were."

"I'm not a kid. Yeah, I definitely got shanghaied by those goddamned freaks and it sucked but their bomb didn't kill me like they wanted it to. It just made me fly away, which was totally fun until I landed face, ribs, and tits first into the side of a delivery truck. Don't do that, by the way. It hurts. I managed to get it started and it has some good stuff in there. Ammo, some cases of water, and those military TV dinner things and I think there might be meds. I'm not sure. Speaking of meds, I'm still looking for Lee. She was the best, bravest doctor in the city and if I can find her, you can get The Narrows under control real easy. Everybody loved her because she legit gave a shit so they're looking for her. There's a big T.P. and blankets reward for anyone who finds her. She might be across the river, I dunno. Maybe someone could swim over through the subways to go check and to ask for help in person since using the radio obviously doesn't goddamned work..."

"It's too dangerous. The damage from the bridges blocked or flooded the tunnels."

"Dammit. You can't rig something up, Foxy? You're like the better version of that tech dude from the James Bonds movies. The hell's his name again? X? Y?"

"Q."

"Right...whatever. Where's Bruce?"

"Selina..."

"Where. Is. Bruce? Alfred, where is he? Did he...where the hell is he?! What happened?!"

"Valeska showed up here gloating and he snapped. He took a chair to him and...he was in Cap's office but..."

"Get out of my way. Now."

"Selina, I know you're worried but..."

"Harper, I really like you but if you don't get the fuck out of my way, I swear to God, I'll..."

Bruce stepped out of the office and all eyes went to him. All he could see was Selina. He was still shaking and breathing was getting more difficult by the second but he couldn't look away. He didn't even want to blink because then, she would disappear and...

"Oh, no."

As soon as she touched him, reality hit him all at once.

She was real.

She was alive!

"Bruce. Bruce? Come on, baby, look at me...you need to breathe...look at me!"

His first instinct was to obey her and he did just that. His Selina wanted him to breathe. She wanted him to look at her and he was going to. He was going to do any and everything she asked.

Baby? That was new. Selina usually called him B or by his full name. Either that or she called him a douchebag or something else along those lines but fondly. Never a pet name. She had always cringed at pet names and other conventional romantic relationship things like them. But, she was alive. She was alive. She was battered and bruised and didn't smell very good but she was alive. Selina was alive! She wasn't gone. Jeremiah hadn't taken her away from him. Gotham hadn't stolen her away from him. He hadn't lost her. She was alive. She was right in front of him. He wasn't dreaming. He wasn't hallucinating.

"Selina?"

"Hey, Bruce."

"You're alive."

"Barely."

"...y-you're alive?"

"Yeah, I'm alive. I'm right in of- ow!"

Bruce knew that he would have to do some serious groveling later but he didn't care. He hauled Selina flush against him and squeezed as hard as he could, uncaring of her injuries. The noises escaping him could be called crying or maybe screaming, he wasn't sure. As if let loose from a puppeteer's strings, he slumped against the wall and surprising him, Selina wasn't fighting him.

She was holding onto him just as tightly. She was crying like she had after her failed suicide attempt and he loosened his grip enough for her to look up at him. She had to look up at him, now. She had to stand on her tiptoes to give him a proper kiss when they were standing. He remembered when she was taller than him. He remembered when they first met. Every memory he had with her, good and bad, was running through his mind at warp speed.

Cupping his face, she kissed him deeply and he responded immediately, mindful of her cut lip. His second hug was much gentler and he smiled at a beaming Alfred, a crying and grinning Jim. They loved her just as much as he did. They were her family, along with Barbara Kean, and...

"As soon as the Travel Ban lifts, I'm going on vacation and I'm taking you with me. I don't give a shit about your Mission or whatever the hell you call it. We're going someplace warm where we can get falling down fucked up drunk legally and I can have my tits out."

Bruce tried to laugh but he kept sobbing, drinking her in greedily. She was alive. His best friend, his heart, his Selina was alive! She wanted to go someplace warm? Done. She wanted him with her? Done. Whatever she wanted, whatever she needed, he would do it. Even if (when) it compromised his moral compass, he would do it anyway because Selina Kyle was alive. She was alive and he wasn't going to question how. Okay, he would because that was how he was. He always wanted answers but the universe had granted him a most precious gift and...

"...not you, too?"

His voice was small and the smile, the look she gave him was the softest he had ever seen.

"Not me, too. Not today. Not ever. You're stuck with me, Bruce Wayne. Get used to it."

[mai-stories]

The Florist and the Mercenary - Chapter Four: When It Rains, It Attacks!

The magical charge of the world, like everything else, was not without its negative side. The more mana mages used, the more residue it left in the world, building up until it could reform elsewhere. Most residual mana was absorbed and recreated as crystals, but that was no the case here. Water congealed into puddles, where they grew and took the shape of small bubbles. Those bubbles displayed black motes of dark energy that plucked hundreds if not thousands of the falling droplets to form small, quadrupedal bodies that were eyeless with gaping mouths, watery teeth forming that started to freeze and become ice. Matching claws sprouted from its legs and froze, jagged icicles formed spines down their backs. These magical monsters, rapid and hungry, spotted a buffet just across the glade and dashed down the road toward the resting pair. Lily turned to see the monsters rushing towards them, jagged icy maws snapping hungrily, following the trail of magical residue from this area. The dark energy within them craved more, a desire to sap away all magic from the pair in the area. The more magic it drained, the more powerful, and these two were chock full of it! About six had come rushing at them, ready to pounce and gnaw away at their bodies, teeth aching to sink in and pull every ounce of mana from their souls. Lily gave a soft shriek, panicking for a moment. She had never seen these before! Just what was she going to do? The rain around them funneled to her, her hand pulling up an orb of water to create the whip. Some kind of defense, Irvine had told her.. She could try it. The only thing, however.. She had no idea how to even use a whip. Instead, she looked up to the branches, using the rest of her strength to hoist herself onto a low branch to safety. The bodyguard turned his head in time to bear witness to Lily pulling herself out of harm's way. Well.. He couldn't really complain.

  "Ugly little creatures, whatever the fuck they are.." He grumbled as he stood up and walked to meet their running pace halfway.

He clapped his hands together, a surge of electricity traveling down his arms to his fingers. Spreading his hands apart created of torrent of blue bolts traveling between his fingers, creating a cacophony of chirps. He sent a bolt of lightning snaking toward the pack, intent on skewering their semi-liquid bodies on his attack frying them or popping them, whichever happened first, to end them before they became a nuisance. Any that came within kicking range, however, would be losing a few teeth! From her perch in the trees, Lily did her best to assist Irvine. She had expected thieves or caravan raiders to attack them at some point, not these odd little creatures. She did her best to keep him dry, too, as she didn't want the electric attacks to hurt him. The lightning bolts did a number on some of them, a couple of bodies taking the brunt of it, stopping short and seizing up, bursting and leaving a puddle of black ooze that seeped away. The shadows clung to the remaining four, the electricity soaking up into their bodies. The mud beneath them began to cake to their claws, the magic properties within them turning them into an amalgamate of elements. Rigid stone spikes grew out of their heads, the icy fangs sparking to life with electrical force. They were getting bigger, the mud in them negating the shocking force that Irvine pumped out.

"They.. absorbed the magic.." Lily murmured from her seat in the branches, rain starting to pour and drench her body.

She had been so focused on the fight, she forgot to keep herself dry. Only her back was getting wet, so she had no mind to worry about it. Instead, she had to find a way to help. Her words were parroted in Irvine's own mind as he watched their transformation into greater beasts. The absorbed magic and reshaped, evolved, to make themselves more resistant to magic killing them. This was a level of adaptation impossible in any living creature, and that ended his silent pondering of just what the Hell were they dealing with. He knew, to some degree. Sparks danced across his body. They could handle meager electric blasts now... But his level of control went far beyond meager! Irvine quickly raised his hands, fingers together and he laid one over the other.

  "Eat this!" He growled as he brought his hands down! The lightning magi was aglow with electricity coursing across his body! A pair of lightning bolts came crashing down with explosive, fiery force. Twin blasts of plasma engulfed the lot left and Irvine readied himself for what might come at him next. The massive surge of lightning struck down towards the leftover beasts as they kept charging onward, the earth broken apart and raising around them. They stumbled about in their tracks, bodies glowing, twitching as the lightning stung them. It only stunned, as the mud absorbed them, though the water within their bodies became too charged and burst, leaving clumps of mud that resembled legs. The raised earth began to shift, a couple of buried weapons from fights long past stuck in the mud. The remainder of the black ooze had collected all sorts of magic, from his lightning to her water, and formed one last beast. A massive amalgamate of the earth and rain, two giant pikes of iron stuck out as horns, surging with electricity. More ice spikes jutted out of its sides, fangs gleaming and frost forming wisps out of its maw. A might roar came from this goliath of the elements, charging for the white-haired powerhouse that kept on attacking it. It spat large rocks at him, determined to knock him down and absorb his magic. One might grow more frightened, no, they surely would in the face of such a monster that adapted to battle quicker than the most seasoned or warriors and magi. Irvine surged with more power. A brief coughing fit struck him, causing a falter in the flow of his electric surge. The power still built with the same chorus of thousands of chirping birds around his hands, which he thrust forward and sent a powerful blast of energy in to the boulder his way. He turned it to smoldering rubble and stalked forward with a glare set on the monster that might kill a normal man.

"Using this much mana now is such a pain." He growled to himself, hands up and coursing with power. 

Body alight with an aura of pure mana, he took a step and lunged at the magical amalgamate beast intent on sundering it! Hands coursing with electric energy, he would kill it! He wanted those horns, first. Irvine went to sever them, the lightning rods, for weapons of his own! Seeing as it was mostly mud from the feet up to the middle of its body, Lily got an idea. She dropped down from the trees, carefully at that, and gathered water in bubbles. She used these to reach out and begin to tear off muddy chunks, revealing the icy sides of the beast. With more and more of its body being exposed, as well as ripping a leg or two off due to rinsing away the mud, she had slowly immobilized the beast in time for Irvine's attack. As soon as his attack struck the beast at the horns, the metal sent shock waves throughout the body, revolting and causing the beast to shriek and howl in great pain. Collecting elements turned out to weaken it, as the metal conducted a great deal of electricity into the body, beginning to completely vaporize it. Bit by bit, the monster imploded, mud splattering away and the iron spikes having been shot out at a high velocity. All that was left was the puddle of black ooze, still crackling, unable to go anywhere. The water that made up its body and burst and spread out like waves. Irvine braved the brief flood and made a note to thank his charge as he loomed over the black globule, the dark matter core of the beasts that had attacked them. He reared his hand back, supercharged it with his electric mana, and brought it down with a furious slam with a crack like lightning that made the sky roil with with thunder. There was a brief burst of light and he drew his hand back from smoldering, blackened earth he left in his wake with no drop of that mass in sight. Dead as dead can be, he straightened his coat and turned to walk back to Lily, even thank her and give her a pet on the head. The aftermath was clear, raised earth and two metal rods, twisted and blackened by being overcharged, lie in the muddy road. Water already began to fill up the large crater, mud breaking up and turning the water dark.