#but at the same time struggles because he's a prodigy in what he does and while for him it's something that he can do with his friends

[leatherbookmark]

.

honestly all this shit just looks like those people want to, idk, ascertain in front of everyone that they're both Normal and Smarter, and it feels really weird to see on a website full of self-proclaimed freaks obsessed with yearning, fucked up dynamics, hand in unlovable hand etc. what do they need the fucked up dynamics for? to point out that they're fucked up and weird, and that normal people don't do that? stop embarrassing yourself and let stories move you like a normal fucking person

[blade-liger-4ever]

Why Cody Burns succeeded where Rafael Esquivel failed

Honestly, Raf is one of those characters I never thought much of, in part because he was so forgettable. More often than not in Prime, Raf was just the sweet baby who everybody thought the world of and wanted to keep out of harm's way, even though the most he ever did in the show was provide technical help with Earth machinery or play the part of innocent child. This was not helped by the fact that he was buddy-ed up with the mute Bumblebee, who's sole contributions up until his two part arc and the series finale was additional man power and adorable mimic. While this was good for background humor, it ultimately did nothing to the overall storyline in the series, both for Raf and for Bee, and for the series itself.

By contrast, Cody Burns - the resident team baby, beloved by all and unwaveringly helpful in rescue missions - stood out far more than Raf. And what's more, is that he never had "his own" Autobot/Cybertronian partner, when literally his whole family had one of their own.

Allow me to delve into this, hopefully, final observatory post regarding the TFP kids.

Of all the humans, we quite frankly get the least out of Raf. We know he's a prodigy, given that he's twelve (and a quarter) and jumped straight into the same classes as Miko and Jack, the former of whom is no slouch as I've already covered. We're shown that his family allows him free reign of Jasper, as he's playing by himself near the road, although he's alone. That tells us that his family is either extremely lax in their attention for their youngest child, or that Jasper is an actually safe location for a kid who's barely filling out his shoes to be on his own. Whether or not either option is true, that's dangerous and shows that Raf goes unnoticed by his family. I'm not saying they're abusive or willfully neglectful of him, but this points us to the conclusion that Raf has a very lonely home life, and we already know that he's got zero friends until he meets the Autobots.

This could have been a great plot-point for the series: by giving Team Prime a small child with no one for company, the writers could have more clearly given the Autobots hope for the future of the War/after the War, while Raf could have gained confidence and security from having people who actually cared and listened to him. It could have been fun, having him be the human cycling through the Autobots for various needs. Imagine Raf going to Optimus for comfort after another day of feeling ignored, talking to Arcee for ideas on how to stand up to Vince (being the sole child in class makes you a target, after all), or coming to Bulkhead for how to struggle through the physical aspects of his school regimen (i.e. the time he brought up the rope climbing to Ratchet.) The possibilities were endless.

But instead, he's specifically handed over to Bee. Bee, who is the disabled child that is also largely forgotten, and who, while he does bond with Raf and provide him with much needed company, offers nothing else in the way of development or storylines. We got something marginally better when Raf started spending time with the grumpy grandpa that is Ratchet, which was great to highlight Ratchet's soft side that nurtures his own character progression, but it's not enough for Raf's development. I greatly prefer the company of the Autobots to the human characters in virtually every series, but there needs to be a noticable human presence to ground the Autobots' protective instincts toward Earth and to push along the story. Raf ended up being a token character not even halfway through the first season, which is a shame given his potential, especially since he and Bee ended up being background décor.

Now, as a counterpoint, we come to Cody Burns.

Like Raf, Cody is the youngest child of the Burns clan - and I say clan because his family has been the one providing Griffin Rock's safety and protection for about...roughly three hundred years? (Correct me if I'm wrong, but his family were the ones in-universe to discover the island. Thus, there's a large claim and respect to his family's name.) His father Charlie is the chief of police; his oldest brother Kade is the chief firefighter; his older sister Dani is the helicopter pilot and primary search and rescue operator; and his brother Graham, who's about eight years older than ten year old Cody, is already a chief engineer and inventor himself. Clearly, Cody has an impressive family. Clearly, they're the best of the best, and he couldn't be prouder of them.

And clearly, Cody feels the need to earn his stripes given their talents and the family's reputation.

A recurring subplot in Rescue Bots is how Cody is insecure about his role on the team, and that often leads him to attempt to provide help and find his place in life in the family. Sometimes, this works; although he's often left monitoring the situations across the island at home through the cameras, Cody finds ways of giving advice or pointing out a hazard that the others are oblivious to that would have likely killed them. And this is a noble occupation his fills, with his aid saving many lives and much trouble.

However, sitting around and merely being an observer wears on him. It makes him restless, and he often seeks aid from the 'Bots to figure out his problems before typical shenanigans ensue that rectify the current episode's dilemma.

This is an important part of Cody's characterization because while he does occasionally feel left out/ignored by his family, he understands it is because of their duties. Charlie has to daily wrangle different criminals and legal offenses while Graham is eagerly going to town on his latest project. Kade and Dani each have their own lives that are beginning and that they're pursuing, but additionally maintain an intense sibling rivalry due to them being not even three years apart. Thus, while they're seeing they're respective girlfriend and boyfriend, they're also competing in various childish ways that, sometimes, result in massive fights. It's no small wonder Cody rarely goes to them for advice.

For this, he's left with the 'Bots, and because they view him as their darling little brother who inspires them every day to give the humans of Griffin Rock and Earth a chance, they listen and advise him. Heatwave is the oldest of the 'Bots, and thus more experienced; additionally, Heatwave more than once nearly threw in the towel in the early days, but only relented due to Cody's convictions and virtues. Therefore, while they have a special bond without it being the sole focus, Cody tends to run to Heatwave the most when emotionally unwell and Charlie is unavailable. Heatwave in turn gives him comfort and advice, and backs him up in most situations. Chase is one he less often seeks help from, mostly due to Chase's nature of being a rigid rulebook. Most times Cody helps Chase understand human expressions and terms when Charlie is busy or otherwise engaged, with both their efforts helping the police 'Bot to loosen up. There are times when he needs Chase's input, as strange as that aid might be, and Cody doesn't hesitate to seek it.

Boulder he goes to almost as regularly as Heatwave, and the two get along fantastically. Boulder provides him with loving company he's hungry for, and sound advice without being overbearing. Blades sometimes needs more encouragement than anything, and thus Cody plays the rare part of helping guide someone through their numerous fears. Because of that, the 'copter 'Bot is extremely loyal and protective of Cody, and when Cody does ask for his help or companionship, Blades readily gives it. Sometimes, Blades will even go above and beyond what is asked, and never asks for anything in return.

These are healthy, constantly growing relationships that Cody develops with the 'Bots, as well as magnificent characterizations that are always expanding. While the focus tends to be shown through Cody's eyes or centered around him, it never fixates on him more than is necessary. Rather, by setting him up as the show's heart, the writing team is able to stretch out towards arcs related to other characters, both the 'Bots and their specific partners, and the other human cast members who interact with the 'Bots on a less frequent basis.

This is how Cody takes the potential of Raf from Prime and not only runs with it, but builds up countless heartwarming moments and strong characterizations over the course of Rescue Bots' run. Cody is positively and rightly shown as the glue of the family element of the show, and is given the autonomy to maintain his own personality and growth without being forgotten like Raf consistently was. That's why Cody stands out, and poor Raf is left hanging.

Well, that's my thoughts on the matter. I felt I should tackle Raf, given I covered his two peers, and Cody is a cute, fun, and constantly evolving counterpart to Raf that explains much of why I feel the poor baby of Team Prime was ultimately misused and unnecessary. I hope you enjoyed this, and that it got some gears turning in your heads.

I'll be seeing you guys!

"Rescue Bots, roll to the rescue!"

[patroxlos]

home base . ch6

"friends who are stuck together" - 5.7k words

ultraman: rising (2024). kenji sato x reader

master post. ao3 link.

previous: ch5. "friends who fuck things up"

next: ch7. "friends who use their phones in bed"

kenji is confronted with his life abroad, his relationship with his dad, and your confusing back and forth

---

Ken Sato is born during his first week at the private school his mom enrolled him in when they moved to the States.

Being the only Asian kid in his class does not help. He is noticeably more tan than his peers and his angular eyes drew attention wherever he went. He cannot eat any of the hefty, greasy viands without rice— because what do you mean you slather the thickest cuts of beef with the sweetest sauces and expect him to eat it with dry bread?

But what confuses and frustrates him the most as a seven year old boy is how difficult it apparently is to say his name.

Kenji Sato. The most direct four syllables. And somehow they are still mispronounced everywhere he goes.

Ken-jay.

Say-toe.

And when they do not bother, children are surprisingly creative with making racially-motivated nicknames.

Sure, English does not come easy to him at that age. He cannot tell the difference between “knew” and “new”, and he struggles with his letter Ls, but if everyone around him is going to be smart about it then why can’t they pronounce his name? He cannot even recite in class without some little brat at the back named Bartholomew mocking his accent.

Still, Bartholomew shortens his own name to Bart.

And he becomes Ken, because it is easier that way.

Even so, all his awards and trophies throughout his professional career keep the ‘Kenji,’ simply because his mom gave him that name. His dad refrains from using Ken at all to this day, and it is not an aversion born from simple preference. You call him ‘Ken’ and ‘Kenji’ interchangeably, but you use ‘Ken’ the most when you are mad or to simply tease him.

He remembers his mom’s frown when his homework starts to get signed as Ken, and throughout the first year at the States it never stopped coming out to all his little changes. He knows she misses who he used to be; a bright, eager boy is now reduced to a sullen, quiet kid. Admittedly, that time is not filled with his fondest memories— he still remembers the smell of her opening up the spoiled, untouched bentos from his bag at the end of the day.

But, on the plus side, he definitely learns a lot of new English words from sitting outside the school office as his mom meets with just about everyone— the teachers, the principal, the district officer.

Failing.

Bullying.

Discrimination. He is proud when he eventually figures out how to spell this one.

It helps a lot that his mom shouts it out so he can hear it even with the door separating them. Will dad do the same if he was here?

It feels like nothing can make his mom smile during those days.

So he signs up for baseball, and she is thrilled.

He is too, until he meets his minor league team, and it turns out boys are meaner in sports than they are in the classroom.

This isn’t tee ball. They jeer, as he is easily one of the smallest there. He struggles to defend himself, but the only thing he can say are roughly strewn-together syllables. He can feel the bright beam of his mom’s smile being directed at him from the bleachers, and he will not be messing this up for her.

His teammates’ taunts don’t end until they see him swing.

He gives them something else to talk about as he sends the first pitch at practice to the other side of the field. He hears his mom cheering a loud ganbatte! and she is as glowing as ever.

He learns a new English word that day from his coach. Prodigy.

But even more so, he learns the quickest way to shut annoying shitheads up.

Because when he also hears one of his teammates guffawing about his mom speaking Chinese, he delivers another expert swing right at his face.

Despite the lecture his mom gives to him publicly in front of the other well-meaning parents, she still takes him for icecream right after practice.

“Kenji.”

“Yeah, mom?”

“Don’t go around starting fights like that again, but when you do, always make sure you win, okay?”

Ken misses her a lot, especially now.

“Dad, I can’t make more time to help completely change Emi’s potty sched again.” He pinches the bridge of his nose as he sits across his dad at the dinner table. Not much dinner was being eaten, as papers were strewn at the center with their meals pushed to the side. Seriously, with all the technological advancements in this house you would expect them to at least use some laptops.

Hayao Sato points more insistently at one particular document. “Please just help me test out this theory, Kenji. Since her diet has increased by a lot now that we are letting her hunt for her own food, most likely her excretion needs have changed.”

“Well I think her poopies are just fine.”

“Kenji—”

“I believe you, okay!” He slumps back into his chair. “Believe me, I really do. But on a practical level, I’m already stretched thin as it is. Those books say that when babies establish a schedule it’s best to stick to it or else they’ll get confused. Now, if you could transform to do more than being a helicopter dad, so we can have at least two Ultramen on the team, then that would be fantastic!”

His mom might have been quick to argue back if she was here, but his dad carries a somber air that permeates into his skin and strikes his heart with guilt whenever he raises his voice against him. Hayao Sato is not the man he used to be— he is frail and feeble, and cannot raise his voice too high without straining his throat.

Even when his dad gets mad now or gives another of his droning lectures, Ken’s subconscious brain tricks him into feeling like the villain for making his dad stress his body like that. A year ago, he will not have cared at all. He might have thought it as reparations for abandoning him.

“You know I can’t transform yet…not right now.” Hayao bounces his leg under the table, an unconscious tick activating from the tenseness of their conversation.

There is a growing silence between father and son, and unknown to Kenji, his dad is also praying at the back of his mind for the grace of Emiko to teach him what to say. 

He misses you.

Other than his mom, you will know what to say to his dad. Hell, you’re closer to him than Ken is, given how you regularly visited him while he was alone in Japan. He ignores the bubbling envy as he broods over it. At least you have always been kind enough to never talk about his dad more than he was comfortable with.

Ken leaves the dinner table wishing his dad was a shittier person. He wishes his dad had taken the more traditional absentee route instead of being a literal superhero. It might have even been easier if Emiko actually divorced Hayao, but his mother never fails to remind Kenji that she loves his father very much.

He has always been made to feel like his resentment is more akin to selfishness. Millions of live depend on his dad, so what importance does a little league baseball game have compared to that? What right does he have? His parents make enough for his comfortable life. He is lucky enough to be in his dream job. And yeah, he’s mature enough to admit that he hated the Ultraman gig at first but now he has kind of grown into the service of it all.

So he hates his temper instead, because he does want to get along with his dad. He really does. It has been a few days since they have started tackling Emi as a team, but this newfound bond is not enough to patch the past two decades of empty chairs, curt calls and missed graduations.

He finds himself on a makeup chair the next day for his upcoming motorcycle ad under Motsubishi.

His makeup artist tuts as he looks at Ken’s black compression shirt. “It’s a shame you have to be so covered up for this one.”

From behind Ken, he hears his hairstylist giggle at that. “Motorcyclists have to get all covered up if they don’t want road rash,” she explains. “Of course, our baseball star knows his way around motorcycles.”

“Maybe he should start knowing his way around the ball field as well,” his MUA teasingly comments as he powders up Ken’s face.

He winces at the remark, and he tries not to show too much displeasure. Ken knows that if he blows up at them it will only spread around the industry that he is a sore loser. Which he is, and everyone already knows. He stays still on the makeup chair as he gives a nonchalant shrug. “Unlucky streak I suppose. Working on it.”

His hairstylist playfully swoons as she brushes his hair. “We’re still fans, Sato, don’t get us wrong. Being your fan has been pretty expensive lately though, with the amount of bets we put on you.”

“Hey, thanks for the love,” his media persona turns on with full charm. “I know I’m not supposed to promote any gambling, it’s all just family-friendly fun at the field, but you’ll get your money’s worth soon.”

“Now don’t go making empty promises.”

“My game can still pick up,” he defends himself.

His makeup artist rolls his eyes in jest. “Girl, your numbers aren’t looking too good now. I’ve seen Moneyball.”

“And that makes you a baseball expert? What, you gonna compute my ERA?” Ken flings back, but with an easygoing smirk.

The studio thrums with organized chaos as the entire shoot falls into place. The set managers are shouting out orders to the crew and large boxes of equipment are wheeled across the floor. The commercial director can be seen muttering to herself as the lights crew test out different lighting layouts on the sleek motorcycle positioned in front of a greenscreen. While the noise gives him a headache, Ken still takes the experience as a welcome break from his dad and all that is going on at home. At least, until he overhears a nearby conversation mention your name.

“I heard that she’s stopping by to do an ocular on the shoot.”

“Doesn’t she have a fashion week to go to instead?”

“What is she even going to do here except cuddle up to Sato?”

“I bet she’s only visiting because he’s here.”

“She’s acting as if she knows what she’s doing but all she’s done is fuck up all the current systems.”

“These fucking influencers, man. They don’t know any actual shit about business, and think they can coast by with botox and veneers.”

“If she wants to fool around with her boy toy she should’ve asked her daddy to—”

“Hey,” His makeup artist speaks up before he can say anything. “Do you want to chat louder for the rest of us? We can’t hear you.”

The small group of crew members startle from the sarcastic bite, and hastily, they file away to get back to work. Ken only realizes then that his knuckles were turning white from the grip he had on his chair.

For the world always constricts you to specific S words. Scion. Socialite. Slut.

He notices when he scrolls through social media that it has gotten worse in the past few months when it was made public that you are officially being groomed for your new CEO position. It’s all sinister, from the comments on your body to the tweets regarding your shallowness.

He is pulled out of his thoughts when his makeup artist taps his clenched jaw.

The hairstylist coos at him as he tries to relax. “Aww, it’s okay Sato, we know how much your girlfriend means to you.”

“She’s…a friend,” Ken corrects her uncertainly. His makeup artist snorts in disbelief, but surprisingly does not comment.

The silence is getting a little uncomfortable for Ken. He bites his tongue to prevent himself from saying more.

“Ex?” His hairstylist supplies, hoping to be helpful.

“...no?” He sounds even more unsure now.

The group does not notice how the room goes a bit silent.

“She wasn’t asking a question.” His makeup artist points out as he contours his cheekbones. He cannot keep his curiosity at bay any longer as he continues, “So…baby mama?”

“She wishes,” Ken jokes to try to get them to drop the topic, and it is immediately greeted by a small round of amused snickers between them, including one that makes his stomach flip a bit.

“Do I?”

His hairstylist drops the brush she was holding, and his makeup artist nearly topples over his kit when he jumps back. Ken turns in his makeup chair to see you crossing your arms with a smirk on your face. You naturally draw attention, especially in the bold power suit you are wearing.

You turn to the head stage manager, who is standing near you. “How many minutes ‘til shooting?”

“T-thirty.”

“Thank you thirty.” You give her a glamorous smile. “I’ll borrow our star for a bit until then. I’ll have him back in fifteen.”

Before Ken can tell you to wait, he stumbles out of his chair as you grab his elbow. You escort him out of the studio and into the hallways, all eyes on you both. He regains his bearings, and tugs himself out of your hold to get you to stop your brisk walk.

“I need to get back there.”

You wave at him dismissively. “We have time.”

“You don’t understand,” his words firm up as he grabs your wrist to tug you back in the room. “We can’t be seen out here alone.”

Your attention is elsewhere, and when you spot a supply closet nearby you use his grip to pull him with you inside. He stumbles again as he follows you in, uttering protests when you proceed to lock the door.

The lighting of the closet is dim, and he has to steady himself with one hand against the shelf above your head with how cramped the space was. A mop falls and whacks the back of his head as you two adjust yourselves, and you stifle a giggle as he looks down at you, unamused.

Ken has no time for your jokes. “Do you have any idea what this would look like if people saw us like this?”

“They make stuff up all the time,” your breath hits his face with the familiar taste of your toothpaste. “This is urgent.”

“We can talk after the shoot,” he tries to reason with you. “Look, I don’t want to hurt your feelings but I heard them talking shit—”

“—you know that doesn’t matter to me—”

“And they’re saying that you came here just to see me—”

“Dude, I—”

“—so we need to get back as soon as possible before the shoot gets delayed.”

You clasp your hands over his mouth, shushing him to be quiet. Like instinct, his hands reach for you, softly holding your elbows. You look him dead in the eye as you say “But I did come here to see you.”

His stomach does a flip, and he eases closer to you. You rest your back uncomfortably on the shelves of detergent and floorwax.

“Y-you haven’t messaged me since the call,” you stammer, and he can feel from your touch the little anxious tremors that wrought your body. You have always been so confident out there, but just like Ken, you can get so vulnerable when you are alone. “I know this is inappropriate but my anxiety has been acting up the past few days and I can’t stop worrying that I did something wrong.”

He takes a sharp breath as he pulls your hands off his mouth by your elbows. Your hands slide down to the corners of his shoulders. “Oh shit— oh shit I’m sorry. I completely forgot— so much has been happening…And this doesn’t mean that I wasn’t thinking about you. I was. I always do.”

You relax at his rambling, and he struggles to shut himself up before he embarrasses himself.

You gently squeeze his shoulders to calm him down. “Okay, okay…that’s good. I was worried…that you started hating me again.”

“I never hated you,” he is quick to assure, even though deep down he knows that he had moments where he was close to. “I get mad but I don’t…I can’t imagine ever hating you.”

His hands fall from your elbows to rest against the shelf digging into the back of your waist. You loosely hold his biceps as you purse your lips. Your voice nearly cracks a bit when you say “Even after what happened three years ago?”

“Especially then.” He glances the soft bump of your throat as you take a nervous gulp.

“Kenji…” You look up to the low ceiling. “I…I shouldn’t have asked you to come over. It was stupid and impulsive.”

“I shouldn’t have agreed so quickly. I was being impulsive too.” The distant proximity is palpable to him as he counts the inches apart his chest is from your face. His neck aches from hunching over you.

“No, but I knew you would say yes,” you wearily sigh. Your head lolls to the side, still looking away from him. “I’m always the person who sets the boundaries and ends up breaking them.”

His silence says it all.

He agrees.

But it’s not like he doesn’t enjoy it when you do.

“I’m just standing by what I promised you,” he finally says. “Friends. We’ll always be that.”

You slowly nod. “It’s for the best. Did you record that call?”

“I was too worried about your arm.” He looks down at the sleeve of your suit jacket. You instinctively cross your arms and he misses the familiar warmth of your palms against his skin. His hand reaches up to touch the soft wool fabric. “Does it still hurt?”

“It’s healing pretty well. All in all it’s just a big bruise,” you shrug. “I’m… I’m glad you didn’t record it. I’m kind of embarrassed by…” You look down to your shoes. “...By what I said.”

There’s nothing to be embarrassed about, he wants to say. But he knows he might be inviting something more, encouraging more in the future.

He changes the subject. “...You haven’t seen my dad in a while. He told me the other day.”

You finally look up at him again. “Been a bit busy, but I’ll make time. He still staying with you?”

“Yeah,” his tired tone tells all.

And he hates the look you put on whenever he mentions his dad— that measured, cautious stare marked by a hesitance to broach the subject. He cannot fault you for it because he never likes talking about his dad with anyone, but he doesn’t like it when you get like this.

“It’s fine,” his words cut through the quiet before you can say anything. “It’s…added company. It isn’t just me and Mina anymore.”

“But you see others all the time right?” You try to cheer him up.

“...What do you mean?”

“I don’t know, maybe like, your other friends?” You explain.

His mouth fills with a bitterness. He has never had any other friends he can say he is any close to. “...right,” he drawls.

“Ken, I can’t imagine anyone not wanting to be with you at any moment,” you say it so sincerely he almost winces. “Of course you have friends. You were getting along with the staff earlier.”

“That’s just small talk,” he deflects.

You look like you want to argue more, but you hold it in.

“Anyway, are we done here?” The closet was getting stuffier by the minute. “I don’t want them gossiping any more than they probably are right now. We’ve been in here for a bit.”

“They’re not saying anything new.”

He gives you a sharp glare, mirroring your crossed arms. “I don’t want you getting used to it.”

“I’m not saying it doesn’t hurt,” you snip. “It just doesn’t concern you. I’m doing my best to handle it.”

Now that is the stupidest thing he has heard you say in a while. “By openly pulling me out of the room right in front of everyone? Yeah, you’re doing a great job at handling it.”

“What do you want from me?” Your voice raises higher than you want it to.

“To stop being so confusing with what you want!” He says before he thinks. “One day we’re just friends the next you’re pouting about me being too busy for you.”

“So if we weren’t interrupted by your dad, you wouldn’t have went to me?” You laugh without humor. “You’re the one who always acts like you’re going to die if I don’t give you attention. You haven’t changed in ten years.”

“And who is the one who is risking getting kicked out of the company just to see me for a few minutes? Who is the one who always looks like she’s about to cry over worrying about messing up with me?”

“I don’t—”

“You do,” he towers over you.

“You know, you have a lot to say for a guy who always comes to me when I ask him to.”

He does not flinch.

You stand facing each other, the walls closing into you. Ken can feel the beads of sweat forming along his hairline as the temperature rises inside the closet from the heat of the tension.  If he was a weaker man, he might have just closed the seven inches that kept you apart. 

“This brings back memories,” he admits.

“Memories we’re not going to repeat,” you finish his thought, trying to take a step back in the minimal space.

“You practically pulled me in here.”

“Believe me, if I wanted to fuck you I would’ve pulled you into the restroom.”

“Like at that gas station?” He relishes in the way your face contorts, and he can’t help it— a chuckle escapes him that has you smacking his chest.

“Okay that was really fucking gross,” you cringe at the memory as he chuckles even harder. “It’s not funny!”

“You were definitely ovulating back then.” He lets you smack him some more, and he nearly bumps into the shelf in front of him as he hunches over even more in laughter. You struggle to keep the smile off your face as you let out your own small giggles.

You take a small step closer to Ken, and your back aches from the posture of having to look up at him. “That was years ago,” you whine but your giggling says otherwise.

“Okay, okay,” He raises his arms up to stop your assault, each hit getting weaker after the other. He cannot help the fond smile he shows when he looks down at you, and as you slowly stop shoving him against the shelves behind him, he lets you bury your face into his chest to hide your mortification.Together, your giggles slowly die down in the warm closet. He ruffles your hair comfortingly.

You mumble nonsense against his shirt. “You’re an asshole.”

“I know.”

“You promised you wouldn’t bring it up again.”

“I never said that.” He tries to peer down to your face but you refuse to lift your head up.

“You deserve to die in a fire.”

“Aw, you don’t mean that, baby.”

You lift your head up to give him a dirty look. “Ugh, shut up. ”

Without ceremony, you both shuffle out of the closet. The stale air of the hall feels chilly as it wafts through you two. Ken subconsciously fixes his hair and shirt even if there is no need to, the muscle memory of being close to you like that is kicking in.

“You better go back. I’ll hang around here for a bit before following so that it doesn’t look like we were doing anything,” you say as you wipe the sweat off your temple.

Ken bites the inside of his cheek. If they would’ve talked about us like that anyway, we should have just done something.

But he respects your agreement.

The shoot goes well and on-schedule. His makeup artist does not question why he needs a small touch-up, his bronzer slightly muddled from his sweat, but all in all he is a professional. The director gushes that he should go into modelling full-time when baseball stops working out. He cannot see you the entire shoot. The studio lights are too bright for him to see anything beyond the cameras pointing at him.

He tries not to make it obvious after they wrap that he searches for you throughout the studio, but when it is clear you have left midway the schedule, he says his polite goodbyes and heads over to the parking lot.

“Mina,” he commands into his motorcycle helmet as he climbs onto his ride. The AI buzzes to life. “I need you to send a quick email.”

Ken comes home to his dad doing yoga with Emi at the center of the Ultrabase. Emi’s large head combined with her tiny little arms makes her struggle with the triangle pose, but she is diligently following her grandfather. She lets out tiny squawks to ask if she is doing it right.

“That’s it little Emi,” Professor Sato encourages her gleefully. “Just stretch out to the sky.”

Before Ken can say anything, Mina flies circles around the baby. “Look, Emi! Daddy’s home!”

The baby kaiju nearly falls over when she spots Ken coming out of the elevator. The floor rumbles with every step as she runs towards him, and he sees his dad struggle to keep himself on his feet from the mini earthquakes. His ears fill with her excited gurgling. The sight of a large monster bounding straight at him does not faze him any longer, and with practiced proficiency he transforms into Ultraman in a blink of an eye and catches his little Emi.

“Hi cutie Emi! You’re bonding with your jiji?” His fatigue melts away when she immediately chirps in response. She wiggles in his hold excitedly. Ken sits cross-legged as he sets her down on his lap, letting her crawl around as much as she likes.

His dad finds his walking stick, and he slowly hobbles towards him. He looks more frail when Ken is in his Ultraman form. “She’s getting more flexible by the moment,” he shouts for Ken to hear. “Emi saw me do some of my physical therapy exercises and she wanted to join in.”

Emi purrs in agreement. He strokes her head as she settles into his lap.

“That’s good. She’s been kind of gaining weight—”

“Kenji, that’s not nice to say about a young girl,” Mina chimes in.

“You know that’s not what I meant Mina.” His bright irises shoot daggers at the floating robot, who only beeps back.

“I understand,” his dad says mirthfully. “Better to keep her in a healthy weight or else she might struggle to hold her head up by herself.”

“Thank you, dad,” He exhales before giving another pointed look at Mina, his emotionless silver face saying it all.

This is the first time they have agreed on anything in the past few days.

“So…dad…I…” It is easier for him to talk to his dad in this form, oddly enough. It creates a good distance, a boundary. It feels less real and intimate.

Professor Sato tilts his head to the side when he hears his tone. “Yes? Did anything go wrong today?”

“No! No, everything was fine today. Great day at work,” he stalls. “Thanks for looking after Emi while I was away.”

“Anytime, Kenji.”

“And thanks…thanks for…sticking around. I wasn’t being fair to you last night and I shouldn’t have gotten mad.” He slumps in his gigantic form, a show of penance.

Professor Sato grips the head of his cane a little tighter, as he looks up at his son. “Kenji, I hope you know I’m proud of you for apologizing like that. You didn’t have to because I know you didn’t mean what you said, but…It means a lot to me that you still took the opportunity to.”

Ken’s shoulders might have sagged in relief if he didn’t hear the words ‘I’m proud of you’ come out of his dad’s mouth. If anything, he freezes up.

“Kenji?”

“...Y-yeah…Um, thanks, dad.” He tolds Emi tighter on his lap, and the baby just purrs more at the added comfortable pressure.

“He got something for you,” Mina tells Professor Sato as she hovers nearby.

“You didn’t have to do that,” his dad brightens up. “What is it?”

He pauses a second too long, so Mina projects a screen showing your calendar schedule for the next day. While the other appointments are censored, at the bottom it clearly states ‘8PM - Meeting with Hayao Sato.’

“I, uh, I know you haven’t seen her in a while so I emailed her assistant to schedule something,” He mumbles, sheepish about doing something nice for his dad for once. “She’s coming here, so you two can stay upstairs while I watch Emi in the basement.”

“That’s…” Hayao is silent for a moment. “That’s really kind of you Kenji. Thank you.”

“No problem….dad…”

Hayao let out a loud sigh, and Mina brings over a stool for him to sit on. “Honestly, I’m glad she still wants to see me.”

“Why wouldn’t she?” He asks, confused. He never hears about you and his dad fighting. He does not think you ever have.

“Well…She must have not taken the fact that you’re Ultraman quite well.”

Now Kenji was fully at a loss as to what his dad was talking about. He leans forward to hear him better. “She doesn’t know. I didn’t tell her. You and mom made me swear not to tell anyone.”

His dad startles at this revelation. “You never did? I…I was afraid of seeing her because I thought she knew.”

“Why did you expect me to tell her?” He is annoyed. Sure, you are his closest friend, but he understands the gravity of concealing his hero identity.

“Because I told her I was Ultraman.”

The revelation shocks him stiff that his colortimer goes off. The sudden shift to his human form causes him to trip over himself and fall on his bottom. Emi cries as she suddenly falls down to the ground as well, but she mitigates her stress to turn to her own daddy to check if he is okay. She squints her beady eyes in concern for him as she crawls towards his smaller form.

But Kenji treads around her to walk straight for his dad.

“What do you mean she knows?! She knew all this time and she didn’t tell me?”

Hayao raises a hand to gesture for him to calm down. “I only told her when I got injured. She was the only one left here that I can trust.”

“That’s still months. Why hasn’t she said anything?” He laughs bitterly. Fuck, you think you know someone.

“I don’t know,” his dad croaks. “And she has her reasons, but that’s not important now—”

“What do you mean it isn’t important now? My best friend knew my deepest secret this entire time! I, I needed someone to talk to about this, dad. You don’t understand—”

“You can shout at me more later.” His dad got up from his seat, impatient. “What I need to know now is if you’ve told her about your ultra.”

“For the last time, no!” He spits out. “I would have, if either of you fucking told me she knew about you.”

“Then you best keep it that way,” his dad grunts, muttering to himself.

Kenji runs a hand through his hair, frustrated. “Hell no. I’m telling her as soon as I see her.”

“That is a bad idea.” His dad stomps his cane into the floor. “Under no circumstances should you tell her or anyone else that you are the Ultraman. You can let her know that I used to be, but you absolutely cannot tell her about yourself.”

“She’s probably smart enough to have figured out that I am Ultraman! What’s the issue?”

“No, no she wouldn’t think you are…” His dad mutters to himself, and Ken is confused as to why he sounds so sure that you don’t. “She most likely thinks I have taken up a protégé.”

Emi chirps with more worry as she watches them fight. The yelling makes her flinch, and Ken can tell that if this stretches out longer, her fear response will kick in.

He runs his hands over his face, groaning, before reluctantly nodding. “Fine, you win. But I’m definitely asking her why she never said anything.”

“Okay, okay good…” Hayao collapses on the stool, the fight tiring him out. The absolute relief on his face stuns Ken, who takes a step back before walking away without saying anything else.

He leaves the basement angrier than he was when he left the dining table last night, feelings of shock and betrayal coursing through his blood.

His dad is hiding something from him.

You are hiding something from him.

And this definitely goes beyond regular superhero secrecy.

A/N: okie fun stuff abt the process of writing this chapter

- i actually wanted to write an entire fic exploring and showcasing my character analysis of kenji sato especially centering on his relationship w his dad, but i was worried that it was going to be boring lmao since last chapter that him sucking faces with u so i decided to stagger it throughout the rest of his story. it's bc i saw some ppl online saying like "others only care about kenji bc hes hot but they mischaracterize him bc of it they dont know him like i do." and when i saw that i went. "hm this definitely isnt abt me...maybe it's u who doesnt know him like i do" so i feel the need to prove that i understand hes sexy but with layers lmao so that i can have the license to slut him out as much as i want !!! it's because it is really important for me that the reader in the story feels like an actual character who contributes to the plot as opposed to just being tacked on the movie, and with that, it means figuring out what you can do for kenji.

- a lot of the comments tell me that i characterize kenji well and i feel like it's because i relate to him so much? it feels like his spirit possesses me when i write for him lmao he and reader werent actually supposed to fight in the closet but while i was writing the dialogue i felt him being pissed off by what u r saying and i just went w it.

- "thank you (time)" is actually a time-keeping courtesy during productions because it shows that you are aware of the time! not everyone does it but it's fun

- moneyball is a really popular baseball film that uses baseball as a backdrop for us to explore the human experience of being undervalued for who you can be. u should watch it!

- i will write the gas station scene and it will be explicit. >:) . yes it's as gross as it sounds but in a hot way.

finally, i want to give you a warning: the next chapters might be lighthearted, but soon i will be delving deeper into kenji's insecurities and abandonment issues, coupled with the situationship. if you have ever been in a situationship or seen one happen, you know that shit qualifies for a veteran discount due to all the horrors you witness. dare i say it is worse than testicular torture. What makes a situationship so devastating is when both people involved bring in their insecurities with them. i need to give the reader a solid amount of flaws for this to work.

u may hate urself and what u will do. (i doubt it's anything new lmao)

[iconocon]

what about me | verstappen

⚔︎ ✧ (short)

there he was.

a wet max verstappen stood in the doorframe of your apartment smelling like the mini-bar of a cheap hotel and it was not a good look on him. your eyes went from the bird's nest of a hair on his head to the dark wine-red half-smudged lipstick stain on his white collared shirt to the belt around his waist that was left on one notch too big.

"i didn't know where else to go"

"why would you come here"

"i needed you please don't make me go home"

you hated him. hated that he always knew exactly what to say to suck you in, to forgive him for the stupid shit he does but your heart was too big to kick the wet beaten-down puppy anymore so with a big sigh you stepped backward allowing him into the hallway.

"max"

you two knew each other well enough by this point that he automatically tried reaching to take off his wet black dress shoes but I'm sure the rain mixed with the cheap vodka was too much for him and he went tumbling to the wooden floor in a mess. if anything your patience with him was wearing thin and with one glance into your living you would see the big clock above your sofa laying out the time of 3:25 in the morning. so slowly getting down to his height you reached for one foot while he reached for the other, of course, you managed it way before him and even chuckled at the frustrated look on his face as he struggled with the knot he himself made which did all but distract his gaze to your face. the way he stared at you was unnerving, as if he wanted to say something so bad but didn't have the guts to do it and that probably scared you the most because if he of all people was scared to say something it was not something you wanted to hear.

"come"

before you could even say no or turn down the offer the man himself nudged your knee out from underneath you with just his foot laying you flat on ur butt/the wet footprints he made himself minutes before.

"what the fu-"

"i don't know who i am anymore" he interrupted and before you could say anything he stopped you with a hand on your knee as he stared mindlessly with glazed-over eyes into your beige wallpaper abyss of a hallway, "I'm not happy not at home, not on the track, I don't know how to make it okay again" you wanted to reach out and touch him but every time your fingers moved closer to his body he shifted around them so he was just so out of reach which at this point should have been a normal occurrence for you but it still didn't stop the pain in your chest. "i went out and i did what the guys wanted, i drank and drank, and i danced with some girl who only liked me fo-" the hiccup stopped he sentence but the lipstick mark on his collar told the story for him. "i wanted to be okay just for one night" this time you didn't allow him to push his body away from you and instead sat shoulder to shoulder with him grabbing his damp head and pulling it down into your lap. as you ran your fingers through his hair you hummed a familiar song that you both loved as children even going as far to label it as ‘your song’.

max was a tough guy. growing up in the way in which he did he wasn't allowed the luxury of being a crazy teen or a child that could talk back to his parents. he was a prodigy meant to be something greater than all the other kids on the block and you saw it in him the moment you met on track. at that time you wanted to be something too, you wanted to be bigger than all the stars, but reality set in for you too young making you realize that you weren't cut out for the same dreams as your peers however that didn't stop you from being a selfish child then adult and keeping him.

your crush on max was visible from day one, he was all chubby bright pink cheeks and fury. you want to say the first time you realized your crush was the same day he yelled at pierre gasly (one of your now both good friends) for pushing you off track after he broke late in one of the corners making you cry your eyes out because you were finally able to compete for a podium. it was dumb and it was stupid but he was your savior even as children making sure to do everything he could to make you laugh even making himself look stupid to onlookers in restaurants by putting straws up his nose one day when you were sad your mom said you couldn’t have ice cream.

when he too grew up and left it was probably the hardest thing you had to go through because to you he was your peace, your home, but as a teen, it was hard for you to realize at the time that you weren't his. racing took your best friend away, and it was bittersweet because he was so good. he was better than you thought he was, and now your drunk sad best friend was a two-time world champion who could be recognized around the world. for fucks sake he raced in countries you could only dream of on a normal person's salary and even when it felt like you grew so far apart you knew he still needed you as he did now. you were the one person in the world he knew he could come to and cry and cry and do it again until he couldn't feel any more but yet maybe he didn't understand why that hurt you. why right now as he was laying in your arms you were so focused on the way his heart skipped a beat when he snored that your own heartbeat fell in tune with him.

you loved max verstappen and even though you could never be enough for him you selfishly hoped now as you did as children that he would always need you even if that meant waiting forever but, for now, you slept dreaming of what it could be like if maybe just maybe he did too.

⌯

AN

this is so short and probably bad but i was SAD and i might delete it idk i haven't written in so long but i have a few in the chamber anyway pls send prompts I love u!

[cocoa-rococo]

thinking about the koopalings again, and i feel like a lot of people gloss over the interesting angst of larry and ludwig being parallels of one another, in the sense that both want what the other has, and NEITHER OF THEM fucking realize it.

it's a somewhat common headcanon that larry is a bit of a slacker; it's confirmed in his bio that he mainly does what he does because he's driven by being hungry or not wanting bowser to yell at him (which honestly? same). he's often imagined as the youngest of his siblings, and when you have six other highly accomplished people before you, having done some amazing things, living up to those standards feels nigh impossible, especially when you're constantly asked "why can't you be more like your siblings".

ludwig, meanwhile, is a prodigy. he excels in magic, leading both his siblings and part of an army, an outstanding performer and conductor, and being overall a role model to many. he's a perfectionist, striving to maintain his image as being competent and in control of any situation, but when you have not just your siblings, but almost an entire army looking up to you, that image needs to be held up constantly, with little time or room for experimentation and mistakes.

ludwig is always asking larry why he doesn't just apply himself more, since he can easily accomplish things if he puts his mind to it, not realizing that larry IS. he's trying desperately to be good at everything he does, whatever it might be, just like ludwig, but when your sibling is able to master things in what seems like one night, being told he's just not trying hard enough doesn't feel very encouraging.

larry is always asking ludwig why he can't just take a break and calm down, seeing as he's already amazing, not realizing that ludwig ISN'T. he's working so hard to thrive in whatever he does, staying up late to finish perfecting his work, unable to tolerate errors even when juggling several tasks, but when your sibling manages to do well by doing almost nothing, being told to just take a break isn't helpful nor useful.

larry is so envious of ludwig being effortlessly talented at everything and managing to never fail at anything, completely unaware he's one potential failure away from shutting down. ludwig so desperately wants larry's ability to relax and take things easy, completely unaware larry is struggling to be productive and accomplish anything at all.

ludwig wishes he could be mediocre, because everyone is watching him. larry wishes he could be perfect, because nobody is watching him.

they're so, so close, and yet so far away.

[waterfire1848]

Au where Zuko also is a prodigy + has white flames

Hello, anon!!

When Zuko is born, he's born as a powerful bender. Ozai is very happy to see a strong flame in his son and it keeps Zuko from being in danger of being killed. Zuko is allowed to be a normal kid for a few years (because Ozai knows an infant isn't going to firebend) and Ursa tries to raise him as best she can but Ozai is also pretty much there from the start which keeps Zuko from fully learning from his mom like he did in the show. Instead, Ozai raises Zuko and Azula to be mini versions of himself and since Zuko is also a prodigy now, Ozai has two weapons who want to earn his favor. Ursa, again, tries to do what she can for her children but there isn't much that can be done once Ozai gets his hooks in them. (Azula: Zuzu! Look what I learned! *Does a kata* Zuko: Yawn. I learned that move five weeks ago, Lala. And I got it down in one session. Azula: That's impossible! No one can master it that fast. Zuko: Well, I am father's oldest prodigy. The one who will be taking over for him one day. I think you are....Oh, how did that general put it? The spare. The forgotten child. Azula, angry: Yeah, well-have you learn the Flying Dragon move yet? Zuko:.....I'm going to very soon. Azula: I've already started. Zuko: I'll have it mastered by the end of the week. Azula: A move so complex even uncle struggled with it? I'm sure.)

When Lu Ten is killed and Ozai asks for the throne, Azulon orders him to kill Azula because Zuko is the older child, male, and a prodigy as well (Azula is powerful, yes, but Ursa and Ozai can always have another kid as far as Azulon is concerned since they already had two prodigies. The new child will just be a bit younger than their older brother. Nothing that would seriously hurt the family in the long run). Azula panics and flees to her mother, begging her for any kind of help. Ursa makes the same deal she does in canon but this time, since she did it for Azula and Ozai agreed to kill her, Azula starts to wonder if her father really is as amazing as she once believed him to be. She spends the next few years starting to doubt her father more and more but keeping quiet because she's not an idiot. There is no Agni Kai scene since Zuko never speaks out. Ozai raised him here. If anything, he would be congratulating the general on his plan. Rather, Ozai keeps both him and Azula around to train until they are 14 and 16 which is when Azula gets her blue fire and Zuko gets his white flames. (Zuko: White flames are better. Azula: Huh? That's interesting. I could have sworn blue fire burned hotter than white. Zuko: Just means you're going to burn out before me.)

Aang is still broken out of the ice by Katara and Azula is sent after them (because...again spare heir). Azula eventually catches up to them and pretty much partakes in Zuko's role in canon except she had the authority to throw Zhao off a boat. But, since Aang is constantly slipping through her fingers, Ozai takes her off of the mission and puts Zhao in charge. Azula, not wanting to fail in her first mission outside the Fire Nation, ignores her father's order to return home and follows the Avatar to the North Pole. Zhao still murders the moon (Azula: How did this man become an admiral?) and is then killed by the ocean spirit. Azula fails in getting the Avatar again but refuses to stop in her mission, making it clear to the team that she is still after them. Meanwhile, Ozai realizes Azula is not returning and sends Zuko after the Avatar and her. (Ozai: Azula is a failure. I have a task for you, my son. Capture the Avatar and your sister and bring them here. Do you understand? Zuko: I do, father.)

Zuko and Azula quickly start competing with one another to try and capture Aang. Zuko had more resources behind him since Ozai isn’t currently mad at him, but Azula has more experience fighting Aang (basically Zuko gets taken out by airbending and waterbending more than Azula does). Now, because both siblings trained under Ozai they’re both incredibly smart as well as powerful. Zuko knows Azula is going to get Mai and Ty Lee and decides to recruit Mai before Azula can get to her, so it becomes Azula and Ty Lee vs Mai and Zuko for who can capture Aang first. When Ba Sing Se comes around, both siblings have the idea to sneak in but while Azula and Ty Lee sneak in with the Kyoshi Warrior disguises, Zuko and Mai sneak in as refugees. In the upper ring with the Gaang, Azula believes she had the advantage and decides to act and capture Katara. Her plan is to use Katara as bait and then attack and capture Aang when he comes to free her. Meanwhile, Zuko and Mai are in the lower ring and make their way up to the upper ring while chatting which is when Mai realizes that the Zuko she knew is kinda gone. Zuko at 10 and Zuko at 16 are two very different people after 6 years under Ozai. She tries not to let it bother her but it’s very clear. Eventually, the final fight breaks out and ends with Azula aiming the lightning at Aang but Zuko, who refuses to let Azula win, takes the lightning blast and sends it back at her. The blast is strong enough to disorient everyone and knock Aang out, who is quickly captured by Zuko. He and Mai flee the city before they can be stopped leaving the Gaang without an Avatar (thankfully in a still standing Ba Sing Se) but with a captured Royal and acrobat.

Ozai isn’t happy. Zuko’s job was to bring Azula back but instead he just did half of his job. Zuko tries to argue that Azula is taken care of since she’s in enemy hands. (Zuko: I give her a week before they kill her for not giving up information. Ozai: I didn’t ask for the Earth Kingdom to kill her. I asked you to bring her back! Zuko: Father, please, I….I thought it would be a good idea for the war. Ozai: Explain. Zuko: Sozin’s Comet is coming soon but we haven’t been seeing a spike in morale- Ozai: You’re too concerned with regular soldiers, Zuko. Zuko: I know, but hear me out. How would citizens feel when they find out the enemy murdered the princess? The princess who was trying to save her nation from Ba Sing Se’s tyranny gave her life to defend the Fire Nation. Ozai:….Hmmmm. I will consider this. It’s not a horrible idea. You’re dismissed. Zuko: Thank you, father.) Meanwhile, Azula is very much alive and pissed at Zuko for abandoning her in the city. The Gaang knows they have to get Aang back if they want any shot at ending the war and, to do that, they have to get into the Fire Nation. Thankfully, they just so happen to know a familiar princess who knows the nation like the back of her hand. The Gaang make a deal with Azula and Ty Lee: they help them get into the Fire Nation in exchange for saving them from Earth Kingdom execution. Azula initially refuses, saying she doesn’t want to betray her father or her nation. However, it becomes clear to her that this might actually be a blessing, a way to return to the Fire Nation with the Avatar’s team, capture them all and stop the eclipse invasion: three birds with one stone. After talking to Ty Lee, Azula agrees and the five head off towards the Fire Nation.

[silvyavan]

New theory time before any leaks drop.

Had this one in the back-burner for a long ass time but now we're sitting down and writing it at last.

Each and every fight between the black bulls and the paladins of sort WILL have a devastating impact on Lucius and chip away at his mental stability and confidence. Each Lucius fight fuck him up mentally like taking the horcrux tally off of voldemort.

We'll start with the first one we know: Magna and Luck.

Chapter 369 Lucius' thoughts are first that from Magna's spell, his magic is split in thirds, then his regeneration being slow from antimagic, that they're chipping away at him and that he "only needs to endure it for a little while" before he can start fighting back.

The wording implies that Lucius just needs to endure it a little and he'll win. The problem? He doesn't, a clone gets busted up out of the 11 ones they have and the angel homunuclus amount dropped too damn fast. Magna and Luck aren't even done, I'm not sure if it's the panels or not but it looks like they're in the Black Bull Mecha too.

What does this mean? Magna and Luck fucked up his confidence in winning just with his clones so he started the shit early to finish it. Them beating the clone into the ground and at the end of the chapter, Asta saying "So which one of us has the advantage now?" Is telling Lucius that yhe plan is no longer in the position to just keep going with the plan. He can't wait out the clones to fuck them up, so he's panicking and starting the tree spell early.

And the same is gonna follow with everyone else.

Gauche will fuck up his confidence in being a proper elder sibling. Man's has in previous chapters stated that he and his siblings will remake humanity, but later it was shown he's got their bodies in cocoons and using their magic to make clones and homunuclus. Man's essentially walking around saying "this is for the good of the world" while desecrating the corpses of his siblings.

I know in my heart Gauche will call him a piece of shit brother. If dark triad being ..like that due to Lucius tempering with their souls, then it would also put him in shit brother category. It would also add to character development for Gauche, showcasing him becoming more aware of things outside of his sister and caring for other people while also not choosing to be narrow-minded in one thing/person entirely. I'm basing this off of the fact that he's teamed up with Rill, who's also very focused on his art but as a result his interpersonal life is struggling.

Plus Gauche big brotherism vs Lucius negative 2 star big brother behaviors would be hilarious.

Noelle, Vanessa and Grey together shit would be realising that him being a noble didn't mean shit for talent. He calls himself a prodigy that's able to purify devils, but Noelle didn't start off with even basic magic control, Vanessa was literally shut off from the rest of the world to make a red string of fate by her mother, the Witch Queen, and Grey, assuming her father is also a noble, was harassed for her magic and lack of ability to do anything or stand up for herself.

We know that the Zogratis were a noble family in Spade so it wouldn't be surprising that that added to Lucius' pride, and being a prodigy it would've elevated that he didn't have to worry about power coming to him.

A noble with social anxiety and ptsd, an alcoholic immigrant and a royal with an undiagnosed learning disability beating his ass would show that having a lineage ain't worth shit. None of them were remotely talented because of their lineages, they had gotten to the point where they were through their own efforts and challenging themselves.

Henry vs Lucius would be a disability on disability violence fight. AGAIN, showing that his disability, while it did hold him back, was not a definitive show that he had to do shit on his own. We could get a possible flashback of Lucius being abandoned by his parents, left to fend for his siblings, as a parallel to Henry being left to die in the house he had. The difference is that Henry was found by Yami, who reached out to him, and Henry never stopped hoping to have a family, even if one wasn't bound by blood.

The Lucius Clones vs Black Bulls quartet would be his realisation that you can get stronger by means that don't require you to be a genuis and he didnt. ALL of them have some form of unorthodox magic that, reasonably, couldn't have worked on the battlefield (ash, sealing, spacial with no offensive traits, cotton/cooking).

Considering Lucius has soul magic, he thought the only way to get magic would be to hijack other people's souls. Vs Finral, Zora, Charmy and Secre who at SEVERAL points in their flashbacks/backstories were alluded to being out down by others for having simple or weak magic types, but didn't give up and instead found to use their magic to help their allies in unorthodox means (traps, food buffs and sheep soldiers, sealing entities/enemies, speed boosting teleportation and likely more).

Yami, Ichika and Nacht? Something along parents being hoes isn't an excuse to be a sociopath witn a hint of scary magic doesn't define you as person. The fact this is Ichika saving Yami from someone he can't fight against (paralleling Yami protecting her from their dad) and Nacht stopping Morgen from doing something he's gonna regret (paralleling the Faust Devil Summoning Incident) is just chefs kiss.

You could also say that, since both of them were in devil related clans (Yami's being partially mixed with devil hybrids, Nachts family just being the Clover equivalents of Zogratis.), this could challenge Lucius' views that he HAD to fo some devil/forbidden magic shit to become stronger, because that's the type of family he has and that's the only thing his magic can do.

Gordon will fuck up his confidence in dealing with devils/curses, assuming the disability will also be a curse thing/metaphor/his curse and disability are a hint at comorbidies. The fact that Gordon is teamed up with William AND Charlotte? And being able to absorb their curses, taking off their supposed handicaps?

Gordon is handing this man the L, as well beating up some supposed idea of, since Lucius was cursed, he was shunned. William and Charlotte are both leaders in their respective squads, highly respected and looked up to, Gordon himself is part of the squad and he's cherished as well. The curse is not an excuse to act like an asswipe.

The fact that Noelle, Vanessa and Grey are paired on the same page spread as Gauche and Rill could hint at familial relations frictions, while Nacht and the In-Laws group and Gordon pulling up with the Cursed Captains Crew could allude to friction/trauma in relation to his family history/traditions.

Henry, Magna and Luck could hint at his struggles with managing his disability (Henry is chronically ill, Luck may have a neurological disorder due to ptsd, Magna needs glasses and has severe scarring on his head, likely brain trauma). The Zora, Finral, Charmy and Secre lineup could deal with his issues of being born with a seemingly strange and unorthodox magic and how he'd focus on developing it.

Asta and Yuno? Obviously dealing with his dreams, goals and aspirations as well as mental instability caused by all the aforementioned.

Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.

[gaylittlemans]

I am so inexplicably tired and vessel!Dazai has been haunting me so I will info dump about this dumb little AU because I can

This probably will not make sense, will make it seem like I don’t understand his character (who actually does? Besides his creator, obviously. Probably), or won’t have proper grammar but in the world of this shit, he will become a part of my personality if I do not write him down. So!

First, little stuffs about this AU because I can:

Dazai is trans here (FtM) because I kin him inexplicably and so am I, but he doesn’t experience that much gender dysphoria (mostly because he feels just a little disconnected from his body) and honestly what is the point of worrying about what body you have when the embodiment of the allure of death is currently using your body as her host? Exactly. There isn’t one. Also because I want to give this man a break on hating himself.

Basically everything about this AU is the exact same as the original, but Dazai is the vessel of a god, similarly to Chuuya. Some people do know about the whole kinda being a god thing, but not everyone. When he was Demon Prodigy, Mori kept and convinced Dazai to keep the vessel thing mostly a secret because it was better to keep as much information about him shrouded in mystery and basically make speaking his title mean the invitation of death, rather than let Dazai go and murder everyone as a vessel. I will sort of expand on this later. Probably.

Chuuya still has Arahabaki. He gets called ‘Baki’ in the rare times his name is mentioned in their world because I refuse to respect the god of destruction (Dazai started calling Arahabaki ‘Baki’ and Chuuya eventually found himself calling him that too). Dazai’s possessor’s ‘Machiko’, but might sometimes be called ‘Chiko’ or some other nickname instead.

Dazai is just slightly cannibalistic.

I ship Soukoku, which will probably be obvious by the way I write them. Neither revolves around the other, but they are both permanently drawn to one another.

Dazai struggles with skin picking in this au because he kinda craves the taste of blood thanks to Chiko so he does care a little bit more about his hygiene in this au so he doesn’t have anything to pick. His hands are very soft in his world. My man is moisturized 😚

So, Dazai.

He’s around seven years old. His life has been nothing but dehumanizing and cruel and cold. He’s being raised in a neighborhood of rich assholes who think they’re all better than one another because of meaningless, materialistic means. (Death will claim all of them in the end, so it doesn’t matter what they do, anyhow. He won’t say anything about them, though. If they need to hide from Her gaze, he won’t judge.) His parents are controlling and overbearing and want him to grow up to be some rich asshole’s trophy wife. He doesn’t want that to happen, but his body will not let him say anything to disappoint them. He can’t afford their ire; he’s seen what they do to people who think they can and the least he can say is that it looks painful.

He’s been raised by nannies and caretakers his entire life thus far and some of them were nice, but most of them just followed his parents orders to make him behave.

Modest, pretty, demure.

Modest, pretty, demure.

Those were the most important things for a little girl his age to learn. Of course. He is nothing, he is not human, if he doesn’t behave. If he doesn’t act modestly and polite. If the boys in the neighborhood tug on his skirt, he is to hold it still so they cannot expose him. If the girls in his private school pick on him for his doe eyes and thousand yard stare, he is to be reserved and accept their insults graciously and not respond to their taunts.

He is a monster if he raises his voice, or disobeys his parents or caretakers or teachers, or acts out of line—acts like a child. His purpose of being brought into the world is to grow up to serve his future husband and children and be pretty.

So he kills them.

The voice of death herself whispers in his ears at night, when the moon is full and bright, that they do not deserve their gifts, they do not deserve their gifts of breath and life.

So he takes them away like she says to.

He stands in the woods beyond the gated mansions in a white, blood splattered nightgown and a pair of what are probably Mary Jane’s, but he’s not for certain and white, just as blood splattered, socks. He doesn’t remember much of what he did, but he does not mind. The cool night, late summer breeze reaches his skin through the minuscule layers he wears. He has always run cold, kind of like what you would expect a corpse to feel like (they’re actually room temperature), and has yet to build the habit of halfway mummifying himself. Bad circulation, doctors had told him. How fun.

Here is where he sees her for the first time, the woman—the God—who changes his life forever, with the handle of one of his father’s expensive kitchen knives grasped in his right hand as the left toys with the seam of his dress. She’s beautiful. She speaks to him, but he does not remember all of what she says. He remembers “Machiko”. It must be her name. He also remembers her permitting him to call her a nickname, as he’s young and he deserves to choose what he calls his friend.

Chiko offers him her hand and Dazai’s left hand goes numb. As if puppeteered, he moves to take her hand and she smiles at him. For only the second or so time in his life, he feels warm.

Dazai learns a lot from her. He would kill without her influence, but she tells him to embrace death and its endless, inescapable dance and he does.

Perhaps too much.

Mori Ougai was a man, a doctor, whom was highly praised by rich folks he’d grown up around (and consequently been raised by after the murder of his parents). He had met the man before, who had said he was interesting and reminded him of himself. In his adulthood, Dazai was ashamed to have felt pride at the fact Mori found him intriguing, or that the man saw himself reflected in the shattered, blank soul of his.

At fourteen, his adoptive parents rushed him to the doctor another attempt at death. He woke up, hazy and exhausted, and strapped to a bed with an oxygen mask, IV in his arm, and a heart monitor. Machiko screamed at him, for his safety and his body, to not listen to the man in the white coat who offered him a reason to live, a purpose to life outside of being a vessel. Just like he’d subconsciously been searching for.

He did not listen to her.

Dazai would say he was built to be a mafioso. And it was easy enough to sever ties with his adoptive family—they weren’t too attached, anyways—and old life.

When he was fifteen years old, he met the most annoying person on earth; Chuuya Nakahara.

Every move the boy makes is so completely full of life and energy. Dazai would say he was envious, but he was not. Machiko was drawn to the boy, though, or—as he truly found out—she was drawn to Arahabaki. Death and destruction go hand in hand, he supposed. And it seems Dazai wasn’t the only one who felt that pull towards the other.

Boo. Feelings sucked. He wouldn’t say he had a crush on Chuuya, no, never, but he was drawn to the redhead like the pull of gravity said redhead controlled.

But the first time he had seen Corruption, seen the final form of Upon The Tainted Sorrow, Dazai had been mesmerized. For all his wit and bravado, he still had no explanation as to why he found this redheaded slug so enchanting, even seven years later.

Machiko still hailed over him, but she was not his puppeteer. She guided him and attempted to help him through inexplicably human issues, but she did not attempt to forcibly take control of him. If she was in charge of his body, it was entirely because he had allowed her too. He spoke with her on the regular—she was a mentor who hadn’t forced herself into that roll exactly as Mori had.

Machiko was the god of death, yet also the god of allure, of temptation, of beauty, and of yearning. Some called her the moon. Others simply didn’t know of her existence. It didn’t matter to Dazai. His mentor knew how to be merciful, despite the blood and desolation she craved.

Chuuya clearly remembered the day he’d discovered Dazai was also a vessel.

Things had been dangerous and he had still been injured from a mission Mori had sent them out on previously. He had been occupied by a horde of enemies when he’d lost track of Dazai amongst the commotion. Grunts were incapacitated or dead at his feet before he knew it.

Now, he would never admit it, but looking around and not finding the dark, sullen eye of his partner watching him from a safe distance had scared him. Made him anxious.

He pushed his way into a corridor that had been blocked by debris during the fight that he could almost sense Dazai’s shenanigans coming from and walked—maybe just a bit quicker than normal—until he saw bodies scattered and crimson pooling. In the center of this crop circle of cadaver was his partner, small, white, star-like marks twinkling across what very little skin was exposed to the open air, ripping out the throat of one of their enemies with his teeth. Blood soaked his clothes and his bandages.

Chuuya felt unreasonably calm, and oddly awestruck, at the sight.

And that’s all I can write 😚 ‘cause I am so tired. I dunno what else to say, ‘cause this is just about all my smooth little brain has let me know about the blorbos of today, but yeah. Thank you if you actually read all of this. :3333

Have a good day/night/morning/afternoon/evening!! Remember to drink water, eat, take your meds, all that.

Byeeeeee <3333

[lollytea]

Delighted myself thinking about the witch kids again, specifically their various attempts to build a replacement portal during the Summer. I'm picturing lots of brainstorm sessions that stretch late into the night and when they get tired enough, they devolve into arguing over who gets the last piece of pizza or playing truth or dare or whatever.

Hunter is feeling really proud of himself for having helped Belos rebuild a portal before. He has experience! He can make himself super useful! And then Amity 'Woman in STEM' Blight is also aiming for the same thing. She's an inventor's daughter. Her Dad's main area of expertise is using magic to power technology. She has plenty of opinions on the mechanical side of things.

Hunter and Amity either click extremely well and are plotting away at a prototype immediately or they disagree on every trivial detail and cannot go five minutes without arguing about it. There's no real resentment here. They're both just used to doing everything themselves and struggle to work as a team.

I don't think the project would get off the ground without Luz. She keeps everybody from wasting time with dud ideas because she's already spent tons of time in the Boiling Isles attempting to build a portal home. She knows exactly what WONT work cuz she's already tried it. She's also got a knack for thinking outside of the box and knows that even though glyphs are rendered useless in this realm, they can still be utilized. If she draws just the right glyph combo and finds a bit of magic for the glyphs to soak up, she's pretty sure they can light this portal's engine up.

Vee reminds them that she's still got a supply of Hexes Holdem cards, which have been working pretty well for keeping her human form. Luz, who had forgotten those things existed, nearly hits the roof in excitement.

Vee doesn't contribute much to the whole construction process, but while she does supervise. She did a health and safety course while at Summer Camp and is diligently making sure nobody is getting their asses blown up.

Portal Building is not Willow's strong suit. She does not have Luz and Hunter's experience, Amity's engineering knowledge or Gus' enthusiasm for tinkering with human technology. So she does what she does best and offers support. She hypes her smart friends up. And when they start doubting that they're actually making any progress, Willow swoops in to encourage them that if ANYBODY can build a portal, her best friends can!! Once the team realizes that they're gonna need something super strong to hold the portal upright, Willow beams. Her vines!! Her vines are tough as hell!! She can do that!!

Gus falls behind a little at first. He might be a prodigy but his skills are quite dependent on the existence of actual magic, so he struggles a bit to find his purpose here. He's very eager to work with human technology but Luz knows more about them than he does. He's smart enough to offer ideas but Hunter and Amity always come up with them before he does because they're both annoyingly STEM brained and have gotten a bit competitive about it. Gus is given the task of gathering equipment for the portal with Vee and he tries not to pout about it. After they managed to track down a half busted TV at a lawn sale, Vee takes him to a petstore to cheer him up. Gus gloomily stares at the hamsters running in their little wheels. He idly thinks about an article he read in one of his human magazines. About how hamsters in wheels can create energy. Unfortunately, hamsters aren't magic.

Cut to 2 days later when the team realizes that the Hexes Holdem cards just aren't gonna cut it. They don't possess nearly enough magic to power up a portal. It's not gonna work. All the time they've spent on this, and it's not even gonna work. They need something else. Anything else.

Luz looks like she's gonna burst into tears. Amity is pacing back and forth. Hunter is like this close 🤏 to slamming his head against the wall in an effort to rattle a genius idea out of his brain. Willow is making a valiant effort to keep everybody from having a full blown meltdown.

Gus is staring intently at Flapjack who is pecking away at the floorboards again. Then he's like "Hey....hear me out....what if-?"

[absolutelyhugh3s]

jersey giant | jh86

y’all i am so so sorry this took so long to get out!! i’ll try my best to start getting things out quicker and more often!!

but we’re back with the song blurbs!! i’ve recently been obsessed with jersey giant by elle king and for some reason it makes me think of the devils

pairing -> graves!sister!oc x jack hughes warnings -> mentions of blood, mentions of injury, slight cursing, mentions of death not my gif!!

word count -> 2.12k

7 months ago

since i was a little girl, I believed everything happens for a reason.

no matter how hard i search, there was no reason for this.

i remember that day like no other. i sat in the living room of my hoboken apartment, which i shared with my older brother, of course.

today my anxiety had been like no other. with ryan at hockey practice, i feared something happened to him. i texted him an upwards of 30 times, to be graced with a response of “dw cupcake i’m doing fine :)”

however, that did not calm my rambunctious mind. so i turned to my music. i’ve been writing music since i was in high school, not for the people, just for me. music was my escape, an outlet for me to express my emotions.

i don’t remember much from those few hours, the only thing i remember was my raw and bleeding fingertips after playing for so long.

it was about 3 o’clock when the front door opened. “i’m home cupcake!” ryan called, though it wasn’t his usual tone. it seemed gloomy and sad.

my brother seemed to drag himself into our shared living room, shoulders hunched, a solemn look on his face.

“how was practice?” i ask cheerfully, trying to lighten his mood. “i’m so sorry darcie” ryan croaks out, tears pooling in his eyes.

“for what ry? what’s the matter?” i ask, cupping his face and wiping the few tears that had fallen.

“they’re trading me.”

his words cut me like a freshly sharpened knife. he opens his mouth to speak once again and i brace for the impact.

“to pittsburgh”

the knife was twisted. for the past two years, i was blessed to call the garden state my home, and blessed to call the devils my family.

i was struggling with my schooling a lot a few years ago, trying to cope with the loss of my brother at home. so my parents thought it would be a good idea to send me to live with him.

so to new jersey he went, with me in toe.

i’ve made great friends while being here, johnny, dawson, nico, jesper, timo, they were all such great company.

but no one’s company could compare to that of the devils prodigy, jack hughes.

being very close in age, we became best friends immediately. we spent almost every day together except when he had morning skate or roadies.

jack was my person. at first i thought it was just platonically, but after a few months of our friendship, i developed feelings.

and after a hard loss, denying them a spot in the 2022 stanley cup playoffs, i discovered he reciprocated those same feelings.

so we started dating in secret. it wasn’t easy, but we made it work. and about 6 months in, we told our siblings. 

luke was accidentally first to know, after an awkward walk in that lacked clothes. quinn followed soon after, because jack felt guilty that the younger hughes knew but not the older hughes.

ryan was the last to know. it took a while for him to warm up to our relationship, but he eventually came around. plus, the boys became even closer than they already were. everything was perfect, until it wasn’t.

“so what does this mean” i ask, looking down at the dried blood on my fingers, my voice cracking as i try to conceal my true feelings.

“we have to leave jersey. and move to pittsburgh” he said, clearly just upset as i was. “trust me darcie i don’t want to leave” he sighs

“so don’t!” i exclaim jumping up from my place on the couch. ryan looks up at me with tears in his eyes. “darcie you know it’s not possible. if it was i wouldn’t be leaving”

“but ryan my whole life is here” i cry “my friends are here, my job is here, for fucks sake my boyfriend is here!” tears begin to stream down my face. “i cant just uproot my life because you got traded!” 

“darcie lynn graves you know we have no choice.” he says sternly. brushing his long hair out of his eyes. “better get packing” he says, looking around at the decor. “our flight leaves tomorrow night.” and with that, he walked through the apartment to his bedroom.

just as i’m about to pick up the phone and call jack, there’s a knock on the door. i look out the peephole to see non other than my boyfriend, with tear stained cheeks on the other side.

i immediately open the door to see jack still in his practice clothes. “nico was the first player to know. he told the rest of us and i came as soon as i could” his voice cracks.

i wrap my arms around his shoulders while his encircle my waist. “i don’t want you to leave me” he mumbles, placing his head in the crook of my neck. “i have no choice baby” i sigh “this is the absolute last thing i want to do”

“how long do i have?” he asks me, tears falling down his cheeks. “what?” i ask, caught off guard by the question. “until you have to leave. how long”

“my flight leaves tomorrow night” i brush the strands of his messy hair out of his face.

it looked as though that statement broke his heart. it’s scary, being young and in love, not knowing if this could possibly be the last time they ever meet face to face.

“then let’s make these next 24 hours, the best we possibly can” he says feigning confidence.

we did everything together for the next 24 hours, just as he had promised. we had the time of our lives. we went skating together, a late night 7/11 run, movies, the whole nines.

all knowing it could possibly be the last time.

then came the part i dreaded the most, leaving. ryan insisted on taking my ginormous suitcase, as jack and i walked through the airport hand in hand.

we stopped before we got to tsa. i bit my bottom lip, knowing this is what had to happen. knowing that i was leaving and he wasn’t coming with me.

jack turns to me with a sad smile on his face. “i’m gonna miss you so much baby” he says, trying to hold back tears as well.

“i’m gonna miss you too jacky” i said, my tears finally falling. he wipes them away, the sad smile remaining on his face. “i love you to the moon and saturn” he says cupping my face in his hands.

“i love you forever and always” i smile “no matter how far away i am” jack dips his head down placing a passionate and loving kiss on my lips. “dars let’s go!” ryan calls out.

“promise me you’ll call me if you need anything ok?” a big goofy smile appears on the brunette boys face. “only if you promise me the same” we laugh and share our last goodbyes as ryan and i headed towards tsa.

present time

i left jersey almost seven months ago now, but i miss jack like crazy. being without him has been really tough for me, and everyone can tell. however, i was able to spend a few weeks with him over the summer at his lake house. i met trevor, alex, cole, and ellen and jim officially, and i loved every second of it

believe it or not i’ve made some great friends in pittsburgh. if you told twelve year old me that i was friends with sidney crosby she would laugh at you and tell you you’re crazy.

“whatcha doing kid?” sid asks as he sits next to me on the couch. ryan had invited the guys and their partners to our house for a team get together. he says it’s to “celebrate the start of the new season” but i think it’s to get on their good sides.

i point to the large flat screen tv currently playing the devils game against the st. louis blues. “ohh i see” sidney chuckles “ditching the boys to watch the boyfriend”

i laugh “don’t get too pissy sid” “no no i see where i lie on your rankings of favorites” he jokes, taking a sip of his beer.

“jack hughes goes down and he’s hurt!” the broadcaster says. sid and i freeze.

“no no no”

“cmon kid get up”

“god jack get up!”

“cmon kid cmon!”

we begin to panic, yelling everything we can at the tv, as though it could be heard all the way in st. louis.

i try to hold back my tears, as i pick up my phone. as my shaky hands attempted to open my phone, jacks contact photo appears.

i look to the tv to see he’s already in the locker room. “hello?” i ask, voice shaky and palms sweaty. “hello is this darcie graves?” the man asks, clearly not jack.

“yes how can i help you?” i ask “im michael coyne, the head physical therapist for the new jersey devils. now, i’m not sure if your aware but jack sustained a significant injury to his shoulder tonight, and he keeps asking for you. and if possible we would fly you into jersey and we can meet you there. now he has informed us of your current situation, we will cover all fees needed, we just want to make sure he is ok.”

“absolutely, um- i- yeah i’ll- i’ll go” i stutter. “perfect. the flight leaves in an hour, is that alright?” he asks. “yeah that’s perfect” i sadly smile. 

“any questions?” he asks sincerely. “yes there is. can i talk to jack?” micheal almost cuts me off, “absolutely here he is now” 

“hello?” i hear my boyfriend hiss in pain. “hi jacky. i’m coming ok? they’re flying you home and i’ll meet you there. it takes to hours to get there babe, but i’ll make it to the airport in about an hour or so” i ramble.

“ok.” he hisses again “i never expected you to come back” he says. i can tell he’s frustrated by the situation, he hates being away from hockey.

“i’ll come back if you just call” i say sweetly “now i have to get packing and head down to the airport. i’ll call you as soon as i can alright?” i begin to throw my clothes into my suitcase.

“ok i love you”

“i love you more jack, i’ll be there soon.”

3.5 hours later

i landed in newark just before jack and the trainers did. although it was around 10 pm the city was still alive. so to take my mind off of the stress, i walked to the prudential center. once i arrived the trainers were already there and assessing jack.

as soon as i walked through the doors i was met by devils personnel, who ushered me into the training room. 

it was there that i saw jack sitting near a pt table with ice wrapped around his shoulder.

“you gave me the worst scare of my life” i said making my presence known to the older boy. “oh thank god your here” jack goes to get up “god fucking damn it” he hisses, sitting back in the chair.

i run to his side “can i get you anything? water, ice, a heating pad? i can order chipotle if you want? have you eaten? oh god your probably starving” i ramble.

“hey, i’m alright darcie. i’m not going anywhere” he says cupping my jaw with his healthy hand. “but what if you weren’t? something serious could have happened, you could’ve gotten a concussion, snapped your neck, jack rowden you could’ve died!”

he doesn’t respond, only chuckling under his breath at my rambling. “stop looking at me like that! it’s not funny! this is serious!” i giggle, trying my best to stay mad at him. i failed miserably.

“come sit” jack says, patting the seat next to him. as i sit down he places his good arm around my shoulders, carefully pulling me into his chest. “thank you for being here. it means a lot to me” jack says, placing a kiss on my temple.

“i’ll always be here for you baby” i smile up at him. he leans down and places a slow and sweet kiss on my lips. 

i plan to stay in newark for the next few weeks, since luke and jack have an extra room in their house. “are you gonna play doctor?” jack asks as i help him into the car. “i guess so yeah” i giggle.

“can you wear one of those sexy nurse costumes?”

“jack rowden hughes!”

[fabuloustrash05]

TMNT 87 RaMona Headcanons

Cause I keep talking about 2012 RaMona so why not give some attention to the ship that started it all?

Raph - Fell first, Mona Lisa - Fell harder

Jokester Jock x Spunky Nerd

Raph's love languages are quality time and words of affirmation. Mona's love language is acts of service and psychical touch.

Mona and Raph are actually the same age, with Mona only being a few months older. The being in college thing is because she's a science prodigy so she got into college early at a young age because of how smart she is.

Raph likes to brag about how smart she is to everyone.

When they argue, Mona usually wins cause she makes fully detailed and witty/logical arguments that just confuse Raph.

Raph was the first person (or mutant) to tell Mona she is beautiful after her mutation. This is what sparked Mona's feelings for him.

Mona likes pineapple on pizza, this horrifies Raph.

Raph sometimes struggles to figure out if Mona is flirting with him or is just teasing him with her overly flirtatious compliments. (The answer is both)

For the longest time these two were just really good friends with some romantic chemistry between them occasionally. Everyone would tell them they'd make a cute couple or assume they're already dating but they'd shut it down and laugh it off (though deep down they both kinda wanted it to be true)

Raph always had a little crush on Mona ever since he first met her, but never had the full courage to tell her how he feels. One time he tried confessing his feelings and ask her out but he ended up messing it up and just telling her a bad knock knock joke instead.

Plot twist: Mona knew he was trying to confess so knowing this "will they won’t they" won’t go anywhere unless one of them makes the first move, Mona took the first step by asking him out, which REALLY caught Raph off guard.

Their first date was at the movies, they saw a romantic comedy, then later got some pizza for dinner and relaxed on a rooftop together watching the stars.

Mona is usually the one who initiates their kisses. Raph is always too shy or stubborn to kiss her, but when he does it catches her off.

Though they are an official couple, the two like to mess with everyone and confuse them by telling their friends that they're still just friends after just making out.

Raph will say a pun and then proceeds to eagerly look at his girlfriend, wanting her approval of whether or not the pun was good.

They would be the first 87 couple to get married.

Raph proposed to Mona immediately after hearing her say a clever pun. She just said it and he quickly dropped down on one knee, no ring, and just asked her to marry him right then and there. She of course said yes.

They'd end up having a daughter named Marie (naming her after Marie Curie, famous physicist and Mona's idol)

[project-sekai-facts]

Any opinion on Akito and Ena's dad ?

I don’t think he’s the best parent ever by any means, but I also think people often greatly exaggerate what he did to his kids. Both him and his kids have a pretty blunt way of talking and I think this is why they clash so often. The thing is, none of what he said to Ena about art being a terrible field of work to go into was wrong, it’s just that instead of trying to help Ena, he just told her she was talentless which like don’t fucking say that to your child??? I get that he was trying to look out for Ena but he just approached it in the worst possible way and ruined Ena’s mental health. He’s clearly been through it in his art career and doesn’t want Ena to go through the same, especially when she’s already struggling at a non-professional level, but he’s not the greatest parent going and clearly doesn’t know how to talk to his kids. He’s gotten better after Akito talked to him, but still has some work to do.

What I’m saying when people exaggerate what he did is that people tend to dial up the abuse to be more like Harumichi & Toya’s mother or Mafuyu’s parents and this is a very different case. Shin’ei clearly doesn’t know how to communicate with his kids and isn’t good at parenting, and I don’t think he meant to hurt Ena as bad as he did. He didn’t think she would be able to handle an art career and didn’t want her to get hurt, but he ended up hurting her more because he has dogshit communication skills. Yes, he still abused her and isn’t like a hugely present figure in her or Akito’s life (might be work-related? It’s never explained) but I don’t think he intentionally crushed her mental health and self worth. Considering one of his hobbies is camping trips with the family I think he actually does love his kids, he just isn’t a good parent.

It’s a very complex case because yes he did abuse Ena but it doesn’t entirely seem like it was intentional? Like telling her she was talentless was an intentional decision but I don’t think he said it because he wanted her to suffer emotionally for years, does that make sense? It wasn’t like Harumichi who made Toya practice past the point of injury and his wife who banned Toya from having any free time just because they wanted him to be a musical prodigy and live up to their expectations of their family (also Toya has older brothers who probably went through the exact same thing before him). And it wasn’t like Mafuyu’s mother who manipulates her daughter into becoming what she wants her to be and is fully aware of the fact she’s manipulating her, and then tries to manipulate other people on top of that to believe that she’s a good mother and actually cares about her daughter.

Shin’ei actually does seem to care about Ena and Akito and the fact that he does seem to try and change after Akito talks to him adds more proof to that. Harumichi hears Toya out and Toya isn’t scared of him anymore, and although he hasn’t really shown up much since Nocturne, whenever he does or whenether he’s mentioned there’s still this sort of disconnect between him and Toya still? Like he’s kinda just accepted that Toya rebelled against his expectations as an Aoyagi but you can tell he still doesn’t see eye to eye with Toya and probably never will. Hell, when Mrs Asahina is called out on her actions, she tries to manipulate the person calling her out in the exact same way she does her daughter. So Shin’ei at the very least tries to be better even if the improvement isn’t huge and I think a lot of people in the fandom miss that part? Like I consistently see people describe/portray him as far more intentionally malicious and hurtful and sometimes even physically abusive and he isn’t?? Yes he abused Ena and doesn’t seem hugely present in Akito’s life compared to like Ken, but how he abused his kids reads very differently to the other more notable abusive parents. I’ve already said it loads by now but the intent is different. And this is a character analysis and not an opinion

Uh yeah I think he’s pretty well written and I’d like to know a bit more about him but maybe I should invest in the fanbook for that. He’s very realistic like this is definitely something that happens a lot in real life. Some parents just aren’t good at it and don’t mean to hurt their kid but they end up doing so because they just don’t know how to care for them and communicate with them properly. He feels very human.

He’s a shit parent and I hope this doesn’t read like an apologist post because it’s not meant to be, like he drove Ena into a deep depression that’s fucked up. I just wanted to point some stuff out because I really like how he’s written and think he’s a pretty interesting character.

[tobiasdrake]

Azula was always an overachiever tying herself into knots trying to please her father & meet his impossible standards of perfection. That was always the implication of her situation, wasn't it? It wasn't shown outright because there were almost no scenes between Azula & Ozai. The live action just made it more explicit, which was apparently necessary because the fandom still seems to struggle with the idea Azula was even abused

The fandom does struggle with the idea Azula was abused. I agree with that. But the reason it struggles with it is because people have a hard time seeing favoritism as abusive to the favorite. Azula is the golden child. The apple of her father's eye. And people miss that this dynamic is as harmful to Azula as it is to Zuko.

Azula in the show was characterized as a prodigy - specifically, in the field of embodying Ozai's values and belief system, which is what he wants from his children. He doesn't care about them as people, but instead wants to mold them into reflections of himself - And he gets on well with Azula, because she goes out of her way to be that reflection.

Azula is a child seeking to emulate her father. Every toxic behavior she has is something she learned from watching Ozai. She domineers and controls the people she loves because that's how she learned to love from watching Ozai. She's pro-fascism and even pro-genocide because those are the values she learned from watching Ozai.

She is her father's dutiful daughter. A child clomping around in her father's shoes, committing atrocities to unify her family and earn those little dopamine hits of a thumbs-up from Daddy.

There's a lot of engaging subtleties to Azula's character, such as the way she gives Zuko the credit for killing Avatar so that her brother can come home, but also holds it over him because domineering and controlling people is how she's been taught to treat the people she cares about.

Or the way she opens up about feeling rejected and unloved by Ursa, but stops to snarkily self-deprecate in the middle. "My own mother thought I was a monster. She was right, of course, but it still hurt." This is a child who has so thoroughly emulated her father's fascistic belief system that she can't even allow herself to be vulnerable when expressing her vulnerabilities, and instead abuses herself as a defense mechanism.

Azula is the contrast to Zuko. Zuko demonstrates what fascistic parenting does to children who struggle to live up to their toxic values, while Azula demonstrates what it does to children who excel. But both of these kids are victims of abuse.

This is something the fandom has a hard time wrapping their heads around because it's something the cartoon had a hard time wrapping its head around. Because it contradicts what the cartoon wanted from Azula: A cool, charismatic and funny supervillain who does sinister things while delivering wicked lines. That was her principle role, and it's what much of the fandom wants from her.

The original cartoon was far from perfect, and one of its flaws is that it eagerly portrayed Zuko as a complex and nuanced figure but refused to treat Azula to the same level of care and sympathy. Zuko's trauma is thoroughly examined while Azula's is simply used as window dressing for villainy. In that regard, I don't disagree with the idea that she should be more fully explored in adaptation.

But this ain't it. Rewriting Azula to be victimized in the same way as Zuko isn't a more thorough exploration of her abuse. It overwrites her abuse with Zuko's abuse. Reimagining Azula as an abuse victim is, in and of itself, a failure to recognize that Azula was already an abuse victim.

Instead, what they accomplished with this change is taking her confidence away. Taking her pride away. Taking her exceptionalism away. And taking her own unique experiences with their mutually abusive father away.

They didn't make Azula's trauma more explicit. They erased it and replaced it with Zuko's.

[weeb-polls-with-pip]

Autistic Anime Girls Group 3 Round 2 Match 8

SUBMISSION PROPAGANDA:

Franziska -

"Prodigy in her field, forced to be an adult whilst she was very much still a child. Franziska canonically became a prosecutor at the age 13 so that she was able to start prosecuting the same year as her "little" brother (Just what she calls him - he's seven years older than her), and consequently has to act like she is a mature adult desire being a young teenager. She has really bad emotional regulation (her in-game running gag is whipping people, because her whip is a comfort item to her, and she's been using that motion whenever she gets annoyed since she was really young.), but acts quite haughty, cool and unapproachable so that it doesn't show.

She gets to break down and start crying in the post-credits scene to her debut game because her brother's chased her down to return her whip and show her genuine affection (in his own weird way) and it is SO satisfying.

She calls everyone by their full name nearly exclusively, even her brother. She gets flustered when people do this back to her.

She is obsessed with running investigations in her own "perfect" way in accordance with her family creed, and likes to take charge to make sure this occurs. (Gets visibly distressed when she gets credited for a surprise search on a building that she did not order) At one point, she is SHOT by an ASSASSIN outside the courthouse and STILL tries to go in to prosecute anyway because this is her case and she has it all planned out, and is very upset when her brother forces her to go to hospital instead.

She also repeats a lot of motions that she's picked up from people around her, notably clutching the fabric of her sleeve on her right shoulder like her father does, and smugly wiggling her finger at people like her father and brother do.

I think she's often overlooked for being autistic because her brother is quite clearly too, and he is a more important character, and at various points, a POV character, but I think she absolutely deserves a spot here!"

Tsubame -

"Tsubame is a bit of a complex case when compared to her friends. She is deeply moved by the art of animation, has a compelling attention to detail in movement, and is able to replicate it through her calling, no matter how long it might take her to accomplish specifically tricky feats. It’s how she chooses to express herself to the world, rather than what her parents imposed on her from a very young age, when she was literally taught how to act, and was pushed to pursue a developing career as a successful actress and model.

She could be a poster child of masking, as she grew up learning how to imitate others, and building a persona through whom she was able to present to the cameras, her parents and admirers. This doesn’t deter her, and she comfortably admits to the other girls in the Motion Picture Club about the seemingly complete neglect she feels from her parents, but nevertheless is happy to finally indulge in her actual passion, fighting tooth and nail to make the high quality animation she aspires to see on a screen: realistic and intrinsically complicated at times, and not compromising a single frame to cutting costs if she can help it (of course, Kanamori does reason with her whenever their projects start struggling to meet a deadline and everyone starts pulling all-nighters).

Definitely doesn’t show it at first, but as soon as she finds a safe space in the company of Midori and Sayaka, she drops the act entirely and progressively lets her true self come out. She is energetic, loves playing around, gets too easily distracted, loves climbing up high places, has an unlimited source of curiosity, and when she’s not strongly focused on her art, she’s always moving around. As someone who crafted a perfect mask from very early on, and who, thankfully, had at least the liberty at home to experiment and have fun unrestrained, she naturally is an example of a girl that likely wouldn’t get diagnosed due to a multitude of factors."

[thecaroliner]

NATLA: An Extremely Mediocre Mess

I spent the entire day watching Netflix's ATLA adaptation and oh boy was it...something.

I struggle sometimes with putting my full thoughts into words but here goes. No idea how long this will be.

Spoilers ahead, obviously.

I want to start out by getting a few things I thought were good or at least fine out of the way.

First off I wanna mention the acting (aside from Gran Gran) was fine. I think Gordon Cormier has a lot of potential and it really felt like sometimes he was being held back by the script and direction. Really hope this role opens up new doors for him in his acting career!

Not that I think ATLA needed more violence or anything, and initially I was against them adding more violence just to make it more "realistic", but I actually didn't mind it. It was way more gruesome than I thought it would be, both Sozin and Ozai literally set people on fire and burn them to a crisp. Kind of does help set in the actual horror of what they're doing. We even saw the same happen to Kya in a flashback. Again, this wasn't needed, but I didn't mind it.

The bending effects DID look a little better than in the trailers I thought. Firebending in particular I thought was decent, all the other elements were just okay, with waterbending I feel suffering the most from it. The rest of the CGI kind of sucked though which I'll get into later.

Having Gyatso be more of a presence I thought was nice, as I always felt like he could've been a little more to the front of Aang's mind in the original series than what he was. I honestly LOVE the idea of him hanging around in the Spirit World for Aang, as in the past I've thought of that idea and wished it had happened. Except....they just kind of throw this plotline away later for no reason. So that's great.

Lastly, it was neat to see Indian culture being represented in Omashu.

Now that that's out of the way....time to really dig in.

The series starts with the Air Nomad genocide, pretty brutal stuff but I don't have much to say about this aside from the moments with Gyatso being nice.

Aang can apparently just fly now, but he only really does it to show off in this first episode. Apparently it's because he's an Airbending prodigy, despite the fact that the ability to fly was established in LOK as being a very rare occurance that only comes after letting go of every earthly attachment. But sure, let's just have Aang fly now. Why even have his glider in the first place?

He gets frozen in pretty much the exact same way, which now leads us to the Southern Water Tribe, where Katara is practicing waterbending in secret in the abandoned Fire Nation ship. It's mentioned later that Sokka and Gran Gran forbid her from practicing bending in case the Fire Nation comes back and tries to kill her, which...sure, I guess.

They find Aang's iceberg, but since Sokka isn't sexist anymore, her anger at him isn't what opens the ice, it's her attempting to pull their canoe back to them and she accidentally splits the iceberg open.

Speaking of Sokka's sexism, remember when people were trying to say "Oh the show isn't getting rid of that arc, it's just updating it because a lot of moments in the original show were iffy!" Yeah, no, they got rid of that arc entirely. Which, honestly if they had just done that without making a big deal out of it in interviews wouldn't have been an issue. The issue is them trying to act as though the narrative of the show itself was sexist and not actively showing us that Sokka is in the wrong.

Anyways, Aang literally just falls out of the iceberg and it's lowkey funny cause he just slides out like he's going down a water slide.

They take him back to the village unconscious and once he wakes up, Gran Gran (who's acting was awful by the way. Not sure if it was the actress' fault or the direction, it really felt like the direction to me). She immediately recognizes Aang's tattoos and just tells him flatly that the Air Nomads are all dead. No compassion or anything. Oh, and she out of the blue begins narrating the original series' intro verbatim which was so out of place and funny. HEY REMEMBER THE OPENING FOR THE CARTOON?? THAT'S IN HERE TOO!!!!!

Weirdly enough....it almost felt like Sokka and Aang had more of a bond than Katara and Aang. Sokka was initially skeptical of Aang but then instantly wants to go save him and I swear they had more interactions than Aang did with Katara. The two of them don't even really feel like friends until the last two episodes or so.

Also, they go to the Southern Air Temple in the first episode where Katara doesn't calm Aang down from the Avatar State but rather a memory of Gyatso did. Okay....

Oh, this also had one more thing I liked, and it was Aang giving Gyatso a proper burial. I always assumed that happened at some point, whether during the series or sometime afterwards. Nice to see it here.

Okay, so my thoughts after this are just gonna skip around a bit because I was writing them down as I went. The first half the series really didn't have much egregiously wrong with it, it was mostly just mid.

It's mentioned briefly that...Aang's airbending went out of control sometimes? Like the reason he had to train with the monks was so that he would stop accidentally hurting his friends with airbending. Because why have the storyline of him accidentally hurt Katara with firebending when you could have this instead?

The like...purple and motion blur effects they used for the Spirit World scenes was such an eyestrain....

In the Spirit World, Kyoshi gives Aang a vision of the attack on the Northern Water Tribe. Before, Aang had no reason to even bother going here, because Katara is teaching herself waterbending (turns out Gran Gran had the waterbending scroll the whole time! But hid it from Katara til now). Aang also doesn't even attempt waterbending at all this season btw

The Gaang gets to Omashu, where they decide to combine The King of Omashu, Jet, The Northern Air Temple...and The Cave of Two Lovers. Despite this sounding clunky and weird, I think these storylines together actually did mesh well (except for the COTL, which OH BOY I WILL GET TO)

The idea here is that the Mechanist, whose name is now Sai (don't know if this was ever mentioned in any supplemental material or if it was just made up for this show) and Teo live here. Jet and the Freedom Fighters also live nearby, where they are trying to plant bombs around Omashu and make the Gaang think it's the Fire Nation.

One scene I wanna mention, and please correct me if I'm wrong, but I SWEAR Sai said he needed to control the "attitude" of the hot air balloon...not "altitude."

Aang ends up getting captured by Bumi's generals, and he almost immediately figures out who Bumi is. Which...I cannot believe Aang named his son after THIS Bumi. He's kind of a huge asshole and is mad at Aang for abandoning them for the past century. Like you really had to make the character angry at him Bumi???

So, um. Let's talk about the COTL plot now.

Katara and Sokka go to try and find Aang and find out that there's a series of elaborate tunnels underneath Omashu, where they run into the singing nomads. This was literally only a plotline so that they had an excuse to sing Secret Tunnel this season. They explain to the siblings the story of Oma and Shu (which is just verbatim from the original series), ending with "Love is brightest in the dark."

Remember that. They preface the storyline of the tunnels by explicitly telling Katara and Sokka about the two lovers. Very romantic.

Katara and Sokka quickly realize that the cave crystals glow in the dark and begin to follow the path. Love is brightest in the dark, right? Along they way they begin bickering because Katara feels like Sokka still sees and treats her like a child.

Eventually they get pursued by a badger mole who begins to chase them. They apologize to one another and hold hands as they think they're about to be killed but...the badger mole stops attacking.

Why does it stop attacking, you ask?

Because now apparently badger moles can feel human emotions. They don't like feeling people fight and want to feel the love between them instead.

I was LOSING IT at this part. "Love is brightest in the dark" was apparently metaphorical.

And don't get me wrong, I love seeing platonic and familial love portrayed in media...but like, to do this storyline...don't preface it with a romantic tale of two lovers????? It gives off a very unintentionally creepy vibe for the siblings. And I'm sure I don't have to explain why badger moles being able to sense love is just dumb as shit.

Moving on....Bumi is nice again. Yay.

They go to the town where Hei Bai is attacking and Aang somehow accidentally pulls Katara and Sokka into the spirit world with him because the writers also wanted to have The Swamp here. Oh, and the Koh storyline. He doesn't steal faces for showing emotion anymore either, he just captures people and eats them later and steals their faces then. Cool.

Oh, and Wan Shi Tong is there and he looks emaciated.

Katara relives the night her mom dies, while Sokka sees a mysterious looking fox in the forest. Initially I assumed this was one of Wan Shi Tong's knowledge seekers but oh no. Oh no, it is much, MUCH worse. We'll come back to it.

Aang manages to find Gyatso in the Spirit World, which again is an idea that I LOVE. Gyatso explains that after he died, he never moved on to the next cycle of enlightenment, instead choosing to stay in case Aang needed him. They have a really touching moment, and Aang promises to come find him again after he finds Katara and Sokka.........which we'll come back to.

The events of The Blue Spirit happen, not much to talk about here. Aang connects with Roku (apparently he can only connect with past Avatars at their respective shrines, btw) and finds out Roku stole a totem of The Mother of Faces from Koh and that's why Koh hates the Avatar. Why steal that totem?? Hell if I know. Roku's also a funny man now I guess.

Aang saves Katara and Sokka from being Koh food and all is well. Yay.

They finally get to the North and this is where the show really went from being mid to pure cringe for me.

The "women only learn healing" plot is still here. Katara is rightfully angry about it, but Aang's like "oh well maybe you should listen to them". Yes, really.

Here Aang is so worried about losing anyone else, which, obviously understandable. But he doesn't want Katara and Sokka, especially Katara, to fight AT ALL. Which I mean. OG Aang never once tried discouraging her from learning to fight. Obviously he loves her and does have concern for her safety a number of times throughout the show and comics, but he also knows she can kick ass and stand her ground on her own and never tries to stop her.

Katara fights Pakku, and despite literally the day before saying she still has a lot to learn and a long way to go, she's just instantly declared a master waterbender now!

And oh boy my friends, buckle in because now we're gonna talk about Yue.

First off...her wig looks BAD. Like I'm pretty certain I saw her real hair sticking through a few times. Why not just dye the actress' hair....even Shyamalan's Yue hairstyle looked better than this, and we all know what that looked like.

So right off the bat Sokka asks Katara if Yue is at all familiar. Katara says no but Sokka keeps pressing and eventually follows Yue, where we learn she's a waterbender? Okay, not like her being a waterbender or not has any affect whatsoever on the story, but sure. We also learn that she had previously been engaged to Hahn but broke it off because he "wasn't the boy of her dreams". Not sure why they bothered to write him in the first place.

So...Yue and Sokka begin talking, and Sokka finally realizes why she's familiar to him.

I genuinely had to pause the episode to laugh when this reveal happened.

YUE WAS THE FOX SPIRIT SOKKA SAW IN THE SPIRIT WORLD.

Yes, I'm being 100% serious. When Yue was healed by the moon spirit, she turned into Danny Phantom and can now just hop in and out of the Spirit World. As a fox for God knows what reason.

BTW, this has jack shit to do with anything overall. It adds nothing. It serves NO PURPOSE. Genuinely do not know what the hell they were trying to do with that.

Um, so yeah. Moving on.

Apparently in this version, Tui and La only become mortal fish once a year or something? On the night of the "ice moon". Your guess as to what on earth an ice moon is is as good as mine.

Zhao begins to lead an invasion on the north and Momo is killed in the crossfire.

Well, almost.

Again I just busted out laughing because Momo has served NO PURPOSE until now, he's just been there because he was in the og series. I'm sorry Momo, as much as I love you....why were you here.

To save a kid from being crushed by falling debris. He just pushes them out of the way and is crushed. The reason is just so that Yue can take him to the Oasis and use healing on him with the Spirit Water.

Katara and Zuko have their classic fight and Zuko says "Oh you've found a master haven't you?" To which Katara replies, "Yeah, me" because she's a master now after 2 days remember?

Koizilla happens...the tribe is saved...Yue makes her sacrifice. So now she can go be the moon instead of a fox I guess.

Also, I think Iroh killed Zhao, despite earlier in the series refusing to kill the Earth Kingdom soldier who captured him because "we've all seen enough death."

And then...Aang goes back to the Spirit World, to find that the little "house" Gyatso was in is empty now. Gyatso is just gone now, with no explanation, although he seemed to know when he met with Aang beforehand that he would be gone from the Spirit World next time Aang tried to find him. Great job, taking the only interesting storyline made up for this series and just throwing it out the window for no rhyme or reason!

Now lemme talk about Azula....

She's not even Azula anymore. She's really insecure and worried about pleasing her father. Because whenever I thought of Azula, I always thought "insecure!" Like I get what they were going for, Zhao says this honestly kinda raw line about Zuko merely being the fire to sharpen the iron that was Azula, but like....why did she have to be this insecure person now? Also why is she even an archer now? It again has nothing to do with anything

Mai and Ty Lee are there for also no reason at all other than to be like "HEY REMEMBER THESE TWO CHARACTERS FROM THE ORIGINAL SHOW?!" They just stand there and watch Azula train sometimes.

The show ends with a Fire Sage showing Ozai through their planetarium (which they have now I guess) that Sozin's Comet is returning "soon." Who knows when! Just soon!

Also, Kataang shippers do not get your hopes up. Not that I expected much Kataang here at all, but I swear they barely even feel like friends until the end. It almost seems like Katara is more interested in him than he is in her.

My expectations of this series were low from the beginning. When it was first announced this project was in development, I said it was unnecessary and couldn't improve upon the OG in any way...and I was right. Even as its own thing entirely divorced from the cartoon, it's just kind of bland and downright confusing at times.

Anyways, my fingers hurt now so I'm going to wrap this up. Apparently I've been typing for like 1.5 hr now lol

Watch the original series instead :)

[granulesofsand]

Dazais

🗝️🏷️ RAMCOA mentions, sui/sh

We have Dazai Osamu fictives — even a factive — from when our suicide programming was going strong. That’s the thing with programming, they take your real emotions in a moment and fasten it sharpened like a knife.

The first Dazai was a chronically suicidal alter who was unelaborated like depressed people are. He took that identity because it was so similar to what he already had; hopeless apathy hidden under a bubbly exterior, no knowledge of life before 15 except the quiet despair.

And it fit them well. They already bandaged their (and our) arms, albeit with more colors and patterns than the character. Injury prone in the careless sense, long coat as a gift from an abuser, then as a reminder of a dead friend. Mixing medicines came easily to them, and our entire subgroup dedicated to poisons didn’t help.

As we learned about what happened before we were fifteen, another Dazai stepped out. This one was younger, and held a portion of memories tied to the success we had in the group. A Demon Prodigy, one who could deal with the pride of the role and the shame underneath.

We have a Dazai for our success as a child, a Dazai for our success as an adult, a Dazai for when switched sides, a Dazai for when we promised to live, a Dazai for our most successful attempt, so many Dazais. Some of them are facets, others subsystem alters. Every time our timeline matches up with his, another Dazai.

We have more Bungou Stray Dogs fictives than any other media that wasn’t scripted in. Fragments cling to them until they’re fully fleshed out, and then more of them pile on until it’s too much for one person to carry. They live in a specific area in our innerworld, and they process by reenactment until they learn. We let them, because they don’t want to stop… and it’s working.

Our Dazais have become something like our Greys, but with more amnesia; they step in and out of one another as they like, and they have periods of fusion and re-splitting. The others in that area are bonding, and the relationships they share are healing in the back-and-forth way relationships are.

Our brainmades struggle with shame about introjects. Those who can get over it spill into that area like they were always there, and the rest of us keep our distance until we can do the same. We do make progress by fighting about it and losing, but we’re practicing not making our emotions other insiders’ problem.

Knowing them is good for us, and adapting our trauma through the lens of a character has helped us process it (through their effort). Even the factive, who does not stay in his area. Some of the shame is our phobia of trauma, especially those of us who share a type. When they process, we watch our impossibilities play out in real time. It’s scary, but still good.

And they do manage some of the weird shit from the media; I’ve watched the Dazais speak in codes I can’t comprehend them remembering, and at least one of them has encyclopedic knowledge of suicide methods and constraints.

They’re people, and they’re not that much weirder than the rest of us. They’ve been crucial members of our deprogramming alliance, besides existing as people in our system. We need them, and I’m proud of the direction they’ve propelled us in.