#but as we all know how ADHD works with dumb explanations

[leftperfectionmoon]

hehe here's a psa for my moots: i'm updating my blog and followings after 5373837 years so some of you might receive a follow notification. don't worry, i *did* follow y'all but this just is to drop some deactivated blogs and clear my disastrous dash

[seeminglyseph]

Okay, because I suck at video games and didn’t have much for systems when I grew up I didn’t really play Metal Gear or know a lot about Hideo Kojima or his writing style, and I will admit. Could stand to interact with and learn to write more women, but he is steadily improving at that I think, and it’s not like it’s a Kojima exclusive problem when it comes to Video Games and Writing Women Characters. He actually writes women with stories, it’s just that his stories are fucking batshit so every now and then you sit there and go “yo wait hold on what the fuck???”

But from what I’m getting, listening to various explanations of the lore and stuff of his games (especially, currently, Death Stranding because I’ll be honest that game’s opening was dope as hell but I did struggle to stay engaged because my ADHD and inability to actually play games meant I was watching other people and that removed a lot of the engagement. I just cannot focus on something long enough to make the experience worthwhile.) is that a lot of his stuff feels like when you’re playing pretend with your friends as a kid, but then also applying the ability to create storytelling and literary devices like an adult who went to University.

Which is very very fun. Maybe literary is the wrong word, it’s more cinematic, but the lore choices and stuff is like. “Is that a biblical reference?” Along with some guy named “Die Hard Man” because he kept surviving things during the war, which tbh if I know nicknames correctly that guy would have gotten a nickname like “Roach” for that. You don’t get cool nicknames from your friends in the military, you get dumb nicknames. Even if Die Hard Man sounds dumb, I think it’s supposed to be cool. I think most military nicknames are insults. Honestly in general most nicknames are insults.

But Kojima works under the same mindset as I did when I in elementary school and played games with the other neighbourhood kids and said I was “Wolf because I was raised by wolves” because that was the level of creativity we were working with because I was fucking 7 and we were basically just riding our bikes in the cul-de-sac or however that’s supposed to be spelled and not actually knowing how anything worked. Because being a child in the 90s that’s kind of a normal activity?

I feel like that’s what Metal Gear Solid feels like, and Snake is just the vibe of “a cool animal name that can be a military hero.” Hell isn’t there a character in the first Metal Gear Solid that was actually raised by wolves? Like just, exploring concepts we all definitely thought were cool at one point or another and then finding ways to either play them straight or pull a full plot out of it, while also just going kinda batshit. I can appreciate that.

I think he needs to maybe meet some ladies that he finds as inspiring as the dudes he definitely maybe has huge fucking muse crushes on because I feel like that might be part of the problem, Norman Reedus and Mads Mikkelsen and Guillermo de Toro have obviously like really inspired him as people, but like. Maybe the memes haven’t been as obvious about the women in his life, but that might also be why the female characters in his games sometimes fall flat? Though I have heard fantastic things about The Boss, and Bridget in Death Stranding is. Definitely notable and interesting and I think she’s supposed to be a complex villain? I think that’s a normal set of feelings to have for her?

Like he’s a Japanese director, wordplay is huge in Japan, and most Japanese names have meaning, especially in media. Those names are picked for a reason. Yeah Kojima definitely picks hammy names but they stand out in part because they’re in English. But he made military and post apocalyptic games with surreal and slightly silly tones despite serious topics, and naming conventions like this aren’t uncommon in Japanese media. They’re just extra hammy in English. And double extra hammy because Kojima is eccentric. But I feel like that eccentricity is necessary to keep games from becoming�� the most boring grimy shit you will ever experience. I need inspiration and fun, and Kojima seems to inspire the whole industry to have more fun, and also wants everyone else to play. Which is why he has so many collaborators?

And he designs games to have teams working on them and with the idea in mind that the people working for him should always have work in the future, that was part of the Fox Engine and PT gambits? To keep his team employed in the future, not just himself?

This has been a very long rambling nothing, but while he costs a lot of money to create things, I think he also is like… actually interested in just… “let’s see what this baby can do, shall we?”

And I think we really fuckin need that in video games. Like damn. Yeah. Go ham dude. Figure it out, fuck Konami. Let’s play some games and get wild or something. Be weird.

[villain-sympathizer]

here it is!! the dumb cringe thing ive been working on instead of my actual college work lmao

i absolutely ADORE these otp form things, they itch that lil adhd scratch in my brain that loves filling out forms for my characters

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[the original blank sheet can be found here!!] the op changed their twitter handle but its still the same source!

some explanations on their dynamics and backstory under the cut!!

SO. God I think about these idiots so damn much, its insane.

First off, their history:

I have my own lil headcanon (and excuse to merge my own bnha universe with the canon one lmao) that U.A has collaborations with other top Heroics schools across the world to have similar Hero Course curriculums. That way they can avoid drastic differences in heroics styles if heroes need to work internationally (for example, instances like in World Heroes Mission).

Because of this, I think U.A used to have exchange programs with specific countries every-other year before their security cracked down on itself. For one semester, hero students from the American branch would come to U.A to learn alongside their respective class level (meaning American "Juniors" would work with Japanese "Second years"), and at the end of the semester, the Japanese branch would then learn in America for the second semester.

This is likely how Dani and Mirai met, as Dani - once she becomes a Pro Hero - enjoys volunteering her time to assist with the local Heroics high school that she used to attend, and thus jumps at the idea of joining in on one of their bi-yearly exchange trips. It also gives her an excuse to visit her father and sister, who live in Deika after her parents' divorce.

It was no doubt when Mirai was All Might's sidekick, and of course would tail him whenever he wished to "check in" on all the "future pros" training at U.A (aka, he misses his high school years sometimes and this event gives him an excuse to drop in).

Taken by Dani's overall cheery, bubbly, and slightly ditzy personality, as well as her ability to put up a rather good spar with All Might himself - still losing, but proving to be a formidable opponent - it was no wonder Mirai decided to strike up conversation with her. Besides, she seemed to be close with other Pro Heroes like Present Mic, Eraserhead, Midnight, and Best Jeanist, so there had to be more to her. As it turns out, she used to be in this program as well, and trained alongside the aforementioned heroes back when they were baby-cheeked rookies in U.A.

Dani totally won him over with her sense of humor, kindness, and overall open disposition. All Might seemed to approve of her too, which would always be the make-or-break reason for Nigheye. They exchange contact info, spend time together whenever Dani was in the country, and hung out together alongside the other Pros.

It was no wonder when Dani's little sister, Adelynn, got into U.A and was accepted into Nighteye's internship program. Every. Year. He'll tell you it's not favoritism, but we all know it is.

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Their lil symbols:

Dani's is a star, because her name is Slavic/Germanic for Morning Star! Her and her siblings have this celestial theme going: Dani is a star, Adelynn is the moon, and Sunna is the sun!

Nighteye's is based off his eye shape when he uses his quirk!

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Checkbox explanations:

[Confesses first / Initiates first kiss:] This is Dani, I would say, only because she's more bold and open when it comes to her feelings or emotions. Sure, Mirai is someone who is bold and speaks his mind too, but I think we can agree this man will never in his life bring up his feelings first unless it's absolutely dire, or prompted by someone else. So of course, Dani's the one to take the initiative, something Mirai notices is a trait both her and Adelynn share.

[Says "I love you" first:] Despite Mirai being emotionally constipated, like stated above, I feel like he's the one to say it and truly, deeply mean it in a romantic, 'I want to be with you forever' kind of way. Dani, having grown up in Western society, is comfortable telling her family and friends that she loves them all the time - it's just instinct to let them know they mean a lot to her! As far as their relationship goes, Dani's said "Love you!" to Mirai plenty of times, but they both know that it's in that platonic close-friends way, at least until they feel the time is right to fully confess their love. And that's what Mirai does, likely letting it slip while seeing Dani off at the airport after one of her visits.

[Big spoon:] Mirai, a majority of the time. I mean look at this gangly-ass mf, he could wrap around Dani like a cocoon if he tried. However, there are rare times when Dani finishes a patrol in the early, early mornings when Mirai is still asleep, and she'll crawl into bed and spoon him instead.

[Worrier:] DANI, NO CONTEST. Blame 'eldest sister' syndrome on this one, having grown up always looking after Adelynn (before she moves away) and then Sunny. It doesn't help that anxiety runs in the family, too. Mirai can worry sometimes, like if Dani's late from a mission or patrol, the typical stuff, but never on the level of Dani's downright separation anxiety. There is the rare chance that Mirai catches a glimpse of something in her future that worries him, and he practically hovers around her constantly, taking away things or restricting her options to try and lessen the chance of disaster, like a mother with her first-born infant.

[Better w/ money:] Mirai. Not that Dani is bad with money, per say, just that she's a bit of a philanthropist when she has the opportunity to be. Hell, nearly all of Adelynn and Sunny's tuitions were paid by Dani's Pro Hero salary, and she still had more than needed for herself left over. Mirai's also clearly a natural-born desk jockey and instinctually takes charge of any budgeting.

[More experienced:] Dani's had more relationship experience in the past, and likely more sexual experience too. Mirai's just never had the time or interest in that stuff, not till he grew attached to the shadow hero. However, after an incident in college, she grew more reserved in her willingness to date/have one night stands, and instead focused on her career and potential relationship with Mirai.

[Wakes up first:] Now this question is all based on perspective, cause the two of them work literally opposite timeframes of each other. Mirai works that typical 7am to 5pm white-collar shift, running his own agency and all. But Dani, due to the nature of her quirk, works from 10pm to about 5 or 6am, the only exception being Thursday nights so that she can volunteer to teach that next Friday. So sure, Mirai gets up first in the traditional sense, but technically it's Dani who wakes up far before him.

[Steals blankets:] DANI LMAO. She inherited the low-circulation that comes with her quirk from her dad, and runs pretty cold in her hands and feet. It's pretty normal for Mirai to wake up with only a corner of the blankets on him yet. He combats this by just gluing himself to Dani when they're sharing a bed, a win-win.

[Speaks more:] Dani again, but only because she tends to be too friendly and strike up conversations and ramble due to obviously undiagnosed ADHD. Think of a mom who just has to talk to every person she knows at the grocery store, regardless of their connection.

[Normally cooks:] In the off-chance they have the time to have dinner at home, it's always Mirai taking the lead. Dani's cooking skills growing up were mixed: her father was a good cook and loved to teach his little girls, but her mother was a bit of a perfectionist and REFUSED to let anyone help with cooking. Since the divorce, Dani's father was never around to teach her as much as he taught Adelynn, so Dani's a bit of a disaster when it comes to cooking. It's hilarious to them both, but she agrees that Mirai takes control in the kitchen. Though, after the raid incident, and Mirai looses an arm, Dani takes it upon herself to learn to cook in order to help out.

[Apologizes first:] Even if she wasn't in the wrong, Dani will always apologize first, at the very least for arguing. Once again it's likely because of her anxiety (and strained home life as a kid), and how she doesn't want to make people mad or upset at her, despite not giving a flying fuck about her reputation or ranking. So for her to apologize first, no matter what, is kind of her way of inadvertently saying "Please don't be mad at me anymore".

[Ticklish:] BOTH, HANDS DOWN. Dani is by no means immune to tickling, Mirai's proven that plenty of times totally not through fetish means. But Mirai himself, however, is just as ticklish, if not more. Dani found this out after taking advantage of his shirtless form one night as a means of revenge, and it was like she found the holy grail of blackmail.

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Their songs:

VOID - By Lil Nas X [[Yes, I know this one is about LNX's experience with being a gay man, and I'm not trying to take away from that! But without that context I feel like it can fit well for these two.]]

God, this song is so raw and emotional to me, I actually cried a few times when I first heard it just cause it's that GOOD when you really think about it.

For the most part, I see it in the perspective of Dani, admitting her feelings of depression and loneliness despite always being cheery and upbeat around others. She's constantly separated from the comfort of her friends and family in Japan, and clearly seeing that as a true "home" to her than her life in America. Each time she visits and leaves, it's almost as if she's 'running away from home'.

"Oh, Blue, I love you too But today, I'm gonna run away from home"

Now this next line is what REALLY defines them, and what I focus on every time I project them into this song:

I find it hard to get Way too hard to live Tell me what you know Now before I go

I see this taking place after Mirai sees his potential death, keeping quiet about it, but is obviously worried or saddened by something. The next time he sees Dani off at the airport after a visit, she tells him he's clearly upset by something deeper than just her departure. When Mirai denies it and assures her nothings wrong, she immediately knows he must have saw something with his quirk, and asks he tell her what it is before she leaves again. Mirai doesn't tell her, but she gets her answer in the form of an international news report and a rather forlorn call from Toshinori.

The second verse I've only just recently thought harder about, and boy, it makes me almost cry sometimes LMAO

Basically, this next part would take place in the canon universe, where Mirai dies, rather than my au where he survives but with many life-changing injuries:

Oh, I weep through the night Can't find a love who loves me the same Or as much as you do [...] See, I'm getting tired of the way I've been living I'd rather die than to live with these feelings [...] It's too many ups and downs on the ride I spent inordinate 'mounts of time Trapped in a lonely, loner life Looking for love where I'm denied

After losing so many people who were close to her, like Oroboro, her father, Mirai, and Midnight - I can see Dani becoming more reckless and careless with her wellbeing, going through times where she doesn't really care if she dies on a mission or during an attack. This of course never happens, and her sisters manage to convince her to seek help for herself. But the pain and the loneliness never really go away, and in fact, grow worse.

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everything i wanted - By Billie Eilish [tw for suicide mentions/eluding to suicide in the song]

This ones a bit of a given if you've heard it before, but of course I'm going to put a different spin on the song's context for the sake of these two:

The song's about Billie's struggle with depression and suicidal thoughts, how the worry of not being enough or the idea of everyone hating her plagued her mind to the point it manifested in her dreams - however, her brother Finneas was always there for her, and was who she went to to discuss her troubling dream.

In terms of Dani and Mirai, this is once again in the perspective of Dani, with Mirai being the one to assure her and provide comfort.

Danica faced a troubling past and even worse present due to her quirk being seen as "malicious" and fearing the public hates her for it, despite being the #3 Pro Hero in America. She's also put under the stress of what likely every Pro Hero goes through, the feeling of needing to save everyone or else people will berate her for not being a 'true hero'.

'Cause everybody wants something from me now And I don't wanna let 'em down

This is even more prevalent after she learns what Adelynn went through in the psychiatric penitentiary and then the "reformatory camp" after a mishap with her quirk, especially since Dani had the ability to take her out from it - had she known what was happening.

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Comedy - By Bo Burnham

This ones much more lighthearted, and can be seen from both perspectives.

Dani originally wanted to be a comedic musician, or at the very least a musician, but unfortunately was coerced into heroics when her school subtly threatened to have her "reformed" if she couldn't learn to control or use her quirk for something "useful" (aka they threatened her to work for the hero commission since her quirk was useful).

After meeting Mirai, who also enjoyed comedy and making others smile and laugh, it was a breath of fresh air for the both of them to find someone who shared their ideals: making people happy, if only for a moment.

Healing the world with comedy Making a literal difference, metaphorically I swore I'd never be back, and now, I'm back on my feet And I'm healing the world with comedy

This line at the very end hits me every time I hear it, because it pretty much sums up Dani's attitude after she thought she'd never be able to make music again when she became a Pro Hero. Thankfully, after sustaining injuries that required weeks or months to heal - numerous times, mind you - Dani realized that she can spend that time working on her original passion: comedic music.

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

Which DCLA character would you say is neurodivergent?

I've always been unsure if I could say a lot about it, as I am what I know, neurotypical. However, I have a lot of research and knowledge about the topic, as I've for quite a long time wondered if perhaps I am neurodivergent (it would explain a lot of things). I also know a lot of neurodivergent people irl and online, and I've related to a lot of things. However, with that in mind, I have had thought about several dcla characters possibly being neurodivergent.

First one is Jade. The way Jade always gets treated like she's dumb. Like she doesn't get it. Like she can't take care of herself at all and everyone else needs to tell her what to do. Just because her brain works differently than most, just because she takes longer to understand, just because she has a hard time reading social cues... she's not stupid! Her interests are also treated as stupid, "oh she doesn't know anything but fashion and makeup" I just??? Remember when Jade had her nail art business? SHE WAS THRIVING. Stupid Matias is like "you gotta find a good job" and Jade is treated as "lazy" for not having a job (as if he didn't even try to search for one during an entire season). But hey dude, have you heard that, perhaps not everyone can work a full-time job, cause it gets too overwhelming for them? Of course, this does not necessarily mean they're neurodivergent, but in Jade's case... she works a lot better with her part-time job as a nail artist and she's GOOD at it and she makes people HAPPY - not to mention when she starts working as an opera singer. The real stupid and lazy one here is Matias and he should get tf away from his sister. Idk if this was a good explanation to why I like the neurodivergent hc on her, as I just kind of went on a rant.

Ofc we have Ludmila too. Astronomy hyperfixation. Can and will infodump about stars and space every day all the time and that's so slay of her honestly <3

Can not go without mentioning Luna, obviously. I fully support the hc of her having ADHD. Not only with her hyperactivity and extreme fixation on roller skating, to the point where she somehow falls asleep with them despite having her room on the top floor, but also the way she out of nowhere switches subjects and is shown at times to have signs of hypersensitivity (I don't have concrete examples right now, but I thought about it when watching the show)

Both Andres and Jazmin are presented more neurodivergent-coded, and sadly it's another case of them being treated like they're dumb. I don't really like that the shows are doing stuff like this, tbh the dcla shows do have a problem with ableism. Not only with neurodivergence, but also with characters having dementia, schizophrenia, etc. Even if it's just coded or canon, they're played for laughs.

A Bia character I wondered might be nd is Zeta, Pietro's cousin. He's presented as being addicted to video games and being on his phone. But it may be more than that. The way he doesn't like to to talk to the others, the way he feels very uncomfortable when his devices are taken away and just how no one seems to truly get him. They try to get him to act like them instead of, perhaps, trying to see more of his perspective. Honestly, the way the show presented it, and the way he even got a psychologist, I thought they were actually gonna do some kind of nd storyline with "oh, he acts like this for a reason, he acts differently than everyone else cause of this". But then it was just an "oh he's addicted to video games and we need to stop his addiction" storyline instead?

There's also some characters that are more of "they don't necessarily have to be nd, but I did notice some signs".

Like how Nina is infodumping a lot of whatever she has read or heard. A lot of statistics, a lot of "it needs to be logical". Also I like the idea of her and Luna being nd besties.

Ámbar I remember once starting to explain how she has a system to make everything work in her life. She needs to roller skate, cause if she doesn't, she might not be as focused in school, which means she might not be able to get top scores. Everything in her life needs to have a structure and if it doesn't, she can't function. This is a little harder to pinpoint and doesn't necessarily mean anything, but I thought of it.

There's also Camila. With her it's legit just vibes, not any real explanation to why.

So there you have it. I don't know if I explained well, or if I perhaps can't say as much about it, but as I have thought about it I figured I could share my thoughts.

[melo-yello]

📚School Struggles📚 w/ 💥🪨KiriBaku💥🪨 HeadCanons

Pairings: KiriBaku X Black!Reader

Summary: College AU! Reader falls behind in course work, and won’t tell anybody. But Kirishima and Bakugou find out.

A/n: I’m an adult who went most of my life with undiagnosed learning disabilities so this would just be comforting to me. Lil angst! Lots of fluff. Implied ADHD and Dyslexia.

📕🖊 First tests are handed back in four of your eight classes.You’ve failed all but one which you barely passed. You are asked stay back as yet another professor suggests you find a tutor

📕🖊You’re lowkey offended. You’ve never needed a tutor before. Up until recently your performance in other areas compensated for your less than stellar academics. You were in gifted courses all your life. You would just hafta try harder

📕🖊 Kiri and Baku are saving a spot in line for you by the time you meet them at the cafe when you shove the thoughts of failure out of your brain and perk up to your usual self

📕🖊 Kiri’s face lights up as soon as he spots you. “Over here, Babe!” He beams flagging you down. Like it was hard to make out the giant red head in a crowd. Especially with the large lean, continuously pissed blonde scowling at everyone right by his side.

📕🖊 “Hey,Dumbass.” Baku smiles slightly and pulls a hand from his pocket to offer you a hug and a kiss on the temple

📕🖊 Kiri pulls you by your waist into his torso kissing your forehead “What took you so long?” He asks letting you free from the vice grip he had on your curvy hips

📕🖊 “I got a lil turned around again.” You lie pulling Bakugou’s free hand into yours then lean into his shoulder. There’s something very comforting about how warm he is all the time. You wanted to snuggle into his back but PDA really isn’t his thing and you are already pushing it

📕🖊 “It’s a big campus, Teddy, you just have to get used to it. You just transferred. Me and Eiji can take turns walking you from class to class until you get the hang of it, you know?” Baku says trying to read your eyes. He could just feel something is off. Your box braids and the angle itself saves you from any further scrutiny.

📕🖊“You guys, gotta be pretty sprung to do that for me, ya know.” You quip smirking up at him then over to Kiri. “Fuck you too, Teddy Bear.” Baku huffs smirking *maybe he was wrong, unlikely* “Yea basically, Pebs. Liking who you date is super manly.” Kirishima laughs grabbing his tray.

📕🖊 You three finally sit in a small wrap around booth. Bakugou taking the middle spot today. You do your best to not zone out and hyper fixate on your test scores by making sure to laugh at Kiri’s jokes and nod along with Baku’s venting

📕🖊 You slide your fork in and out of your picked over food as you strategize how to fix your current problem without alerting your boyfriends. Before you knew it your table is quiet with two crimson gazes fixed on you

📕🖊 “You’re quiet today, L/n.” Bakugou says fixing you with a deeply fierce gaze which was his way of looking concerned. Sharpness of your actual name drew you from your thoughts in a instant. “Hmmm I think Kats has a point, L/n Y/n.” Kirishima says in between slurps of his smoothie. His red eyes practically dripping with curious concern

📕🖊 You make a quick split decision between the truth and charm. “Wow, my government. I must be in real big trouble.” You pout trying to flirt your way out of a more serious conversation. You poke out your plush bottom at Kiri while slipping a hand onto Baku’s inner thigh and gently squeezing before hitting him with the same seductive pout

📕🖊 Big Mistake!😳 Bakugou’s vermillion eyes widen before becoming instantly stern as he grips your wrist tight enough to hurt. “The fuck are you doing?!! I was being serious, Y/n! And in public?!! You’re fucking priceless!” The ash blonde hisses with angry pink cheeks. Guilt washes over you when you snatch your wrist back. “I’m sorry. I just didn’t want to...talk about it.” You mumble. “Then use your fucking words!” 😤 Bakugou kisses his teeth and stands so Kiri lets him out. “He’s just a little embarrassed, Pebble. I needa talk him down. You can find your next class right?” He sighs watching Baku storm out

📕🖊 “Yea. I’m sorry. Tell him, Kiri. Please.” You squeak sheepishly grabbing your stuff. “He knows but I will. He’s mad about other stuff.” He nods following after Bakugou

📕🖊 It’s intimidating to compete with their history at times. You couldn’t bring yourself to just dump all your issues on them

📕🖊 You’ve only been dating since summer and Kiri and Baku have been dating since their senior year in high school year. You guys are starting your junior year and are still learning each other.

📕🖊 You get lost a couple times before finding the right building. The noise in your head going nearly at light speed to wrap all the problems you’re having. The professor passes the test you’d spent majority of last night and early morning studying for. You felt confident until it was in your hands.

📕🖊 You chew the pen top trying to finish up the last 7 short answer questions when then alarm for 5 minutes left is given. You panic not even having started the true false section on the last page. You scribble down answers just as time up is announced across the classroom

📕🖊 Defeat washes over while you shuffle out the door. You reach in your pocket to dig out the card for Student Accomidation Services your World Civ professor gave you. Maybe this was something simple as a “processing problem” as she had explained when you visited her during office hours

📕🖊 A throat clearing pulls you from your thoughts. You jump stuffing both hands into your jeans card and all. Bakugou stood unreadable propped up on a wall only a few steps away from you. “Eiji, thinks we need to talk about the cafe. Plus he doesn’t get out of lab til 3:45, so you’re kinda stuck with me.” Bakugou mumbles offering his palm as an olive branch.

📕🖊 “He’s probably right. I don’t mind just you, Tuff Guy. I really am sorry though, Katsuki.” You sigh interlocking your fingers with his. “I know, Teddy. I wasn’t really mad about that anyways.” Baku concedes as you two stroll down the hall. “I didn’t hurt your wrist earlier, did I?” Baku asks softly opening the door and meeting your eyes with gentle concern. “Nah, You didn’t, King Explosion Murder.” You laugh giving his hand a firm squeeze before kissing it

📕🖊 The walk to your dorm is quiet and peaceful. He lets you settle your school bag before speaking again “I just feel like you’re still trying to hide parts of yourself from us, especially me,” He says looking into your eyes now, “Like you’ve been pulling back. Eijirou thinks I’m looking too deep, but I doubt it. I know I can be a little rough and mean sometimes...well a lot of the times. I’m not easy to get along with. But you know you can talk to us when you’re upset or if something bothering you... if I’m bothering you. I don’t like you feeling like you have to pretend to be ok if you’re not.” Baku finishes crossing his arms tightly across your chest.

📕🖊 You dig your nails into your palms mercilessly. You open your mouth to reply and reassure him but the words won’t come. Baku notices what you’re doing to your hands and steps closer to take them into his. He rubs slow circles into the backs of them. Hot tears pool at the corners of your eyes as you try to find your voice. “Kats, I’m...I didn’t me...I...Of course you’re not what’s bothering me.” you croak out just as tears roll down your face and Baku pulls you to his chest.

📕🖊 Your breathing hitches and you just let yourself be disappointed, confused, frustrated, and upset about the last month and a half of struggling and wondering why you couldn’t tell anybody and why no one was even noticing. But He did. Baku had noticed. He rocks gently as you tremble in his arms rubbing firm circles in your lower back.

📕🖊 You two stay like that for what seems forever. Once your breathing evens out Baku’s hold relaxes. He kisses both your temples.You reluctantly let go , so you can pull wrinkled failing test pages from your backpack. “Please don’t laugh at me, Suki.” You peep placing the cause of your meltdown in his hands not attempting to have your puffy eyes met his red ones. Lifting your chin so you’re looking him in the eyes. “Come on, Teddy Bear. I wouldn’t dare.” He nods with the most serious face

📕🖊 Bakugou is quiet for a while as he leafs through the exam papers. “Why didn’t finish any of them?” He asks “Time. I’m a slow reader.” You mutter back. “I’ve seen you doing homework for two of these courses and passing those, what’s happening?” Baku says staring in disbelief at the scores at the top of each exam.

📕🖊 You swallow the lingering fear of judgement. You place a hand at your temple to remind yourself of Baku’s earlier tenderness. “I get anxious. It gets so much harder to read when I’m that worked up, and I can barely focus once I start forgetting answers...I know it’s just a test. I guess...That sounds dumb, doesn’t it?” You sigh shrug off your own explanation.

📕🖊 “Nope. Not dumb at all. Sounds like test anxiety to me. I struggled with that in high school . I didn’t know you were a slow reader, Teddy.” Baku says pulling your hand before you can dig your nails into it. “Yea. One of my professors thinks I have dyslexia and ADHD...but I’m not stupid sooo.” You hum rocking on your heels “That is not what either of those words mean, and I know you know that, L/n.” Bakugou growls he absolutely hates when you or Kirishima talk down on yourselves. “Yea but it feels like it though.” You sigh biting your lips

📕🖊 Before Baku can say a word, Kiri swings the door open. “Babes! Have you two hotties missed me?” The red head shouts coming through the door way smiling until he sees your puffy eyes and tense posture. “Bakugou Katsuki, I know you fucking didn’t?!!” Kiri questions suspiciously leaning down to rest his chin on your shoulder and wrapping a protective hold around your waist.

📕🖊 “The Absolute fuc-” Baku’s defensive rant is cut short as you kiss the hand holding yours to quiet him as you answer Kiri “No Eiji, he didn’t. I’m flunking like half my classes.” You huff meeting his eyes with quivering lips trying your best not to cry all over again

📕🖊 Kiri is stunted into complete silence. The only thing he can think to say is an apology to his boyfriend for jumping to conclusions. Last time he checked your GPA’s a lot more impressive that his. “How the fuck is that even possible? You transferred into the honor courses.” Kiri says completely baffled moving to where he could see your face.

📕🖊 You explain to your boyfriends all the things that have been tripping you up and confusing you. You detail how hard studying has been as far as staying focused and actually understanding lengthy test questions

📕🖊 Kiri has a million questions at first but stops half way through after Baku grabs your overnight bag and leads you out the door. “You’re gonna freak her out all over again, Shitty Hair, if you keep going at her like that.” He could tell you were getting overwhelmed, and might cry again “My bad, Pebs.” Kiri says kissing your cheek as he follows behind

📕🖊 Once you get back to their apartment and Baku askes for your help making dinner. He has you read the directions and ingredients to him. You stumble through most of it, but that doesn’t stop him from praising you as soon as you finish. He has since learned you and Kiri do best when told how well you’re doing vs his typical shouting method

📕🖊 The three of you set an assessment time with the Student Disability Services on campus that doesn’t conflict with the Boys’ schedules, because they insisted that they’d both be there to support their baby and wouldn’t take your bullshit excuses for an actual reason to miss it

📕🖊 Kiri helps you make flash cards for your next test. If he remembers nothing else from Baku’s tutoring sessions the importance of repetition is drilled into him...among other things. Each time you ask him how that went he’ll just shudder. “It was the most intensely terrifying experience of my high school career, and we fought villains pretty regularly.” Kiri deadpans before grinning like the Cheshire Cat and covering his head. “You’re full of fucking shit, Shark Week! I’m the best tutor you assholes could hope for.” Baku yells pushing Kiri’s face into his pages of notes.

📕🖊 The night before your disability assessment you find yourself tossing and turning at like 4:45 in the morning. Kiri repositions pinning you in place so you face Baku’s back. You trace soft shapes into him just before he flips meeting your eyes. “Lil early isn’t it, Babygirl?” He whispers brushing away a few stray box braids covering your face. You don’t bother answering and instead offer him your palm and he takes it without hesitation interlocking your fingers with his. “Nervous?” He hums when he feels the steady trembling of your hand.

📕🖊 “Katsuki, what if there’s nothing wrong with me? What if it’s just me? What if I’m just...” you trail off not sure if you want him to hear how much this subject shakes your confidence. Bakugou moves close enough for your foreheads to touch. “If you’re just not smart? Not even possible. Whatever it is me and Kiri will help you go beyond. I know this is scary, but every first usually is.” Bakugou smiles softly

📕🖊 “Bbbbbuuut maybe I’m just du-” You attempt to argue until a sharp nip on the side of your neck where Kiri was peacefully nuzzled quiets you. “Nope. Not a chance. Pebble, don’t talk shit about my girlfriend again.” He mumbles in a gravelly half sleep voice. He settles again and snakes an arm around hips as he tugs Baku into you with the other. You open mouth your more to defend yourself but KatSuki just bops your nose as he closes his eyes, “You heard, the sexy ass red mountain. You’re fucking smart. Go back to sleep, Kay?”

📕🖊 “Kay.” You sigh digging your face into the crook of Baku’s neck. You lay there out argued but feeling overwhelming loved, so you chose to let them win the debate. The boys hardly agree on most things so they were totally probably right about this one anyways.

📕🖊 You are on a very very short list of people who Bakugou Katsuki repeats himself for. Like boy lets you “huh?” the fuck out of him. He will often cup your face or hold your hands if he needs tell you something important b/c he understands you’re a tactical learner

📕🖊 Best believe that all your future successes in classes big and small will be celebrated you getting taken out for icecream and if it’s a graded paper they’ll put on the fridge like you’re in grade school. You find it a little embarrassing but it really makes you feel like you’re making progress

📕🖊 Kiri brings your favorite snacks for study sessions so he can reward you for right answers and staying on task. You call it “childish” at first until he shrugs “Oh my bad we can try something els-” about to put them away. “Noooooo no those are my favorites.” You nearly jump over the table. Kiri has a shit eating grin the rest of the study session

📕🖊 When giving directions from the passenger seat both Kiri and Baku typically do a good job of remembering you need them to point left and right

📕🖊 If you’ve had long day in tutoring and homework and you guys are watching anime Bakugou will read the subs to you. Sometimes if he’s in a particularly good mood he might even imitate a voice or two

📕🖊 Kiri would politely let you ramble about one of your niche interests and will help you get back to your point when you get lost in a tangent

📕🖊 Don’t let these two hear you call yourself “dumb” or “stupid” Kiri will just act like he can’t comprehend what you’re saying like deadass “Pebs, speak English please. Nope not catching that, Babygirl. Did you say you were a smarticle particle? An intelligent ass motherfucker?! Oh, of course you are!” While Baku is more like “Sorry what was that? I thought I heard a very accomplished and creative thinking ass bitch say something? A incredibly capable ass bitch say something?A smart ass bitch say something?” Your only response is yes and then you get a forehead kiss

[krakenartificer]

When I got my ADHD diagnosis, I looked at the questions on the screening form and thought, "If this result comes back positive, then I'm definitely not the only person in my family who has it." Questions like

"Have difficulty finishing one activity before starting another one" and

"I finish others' sentences before they can finish it themselves" and

"have trouble staying on one topic when talking"

...I thought were just weird quirks of my family, but no. When I got my results, I contacted my cousin, and she contacted her sisters and mother, and .. .. yeah. Basically everyone in my dad's side of the family is ADHD.

Now there are some problems with that, obviously, (getting family reunions to stick to a schedule is lol no) but there are some really fantastic perks. For one thing, no one in that family minds if I interrupt them while they're talking ... everyone's happy to keep 3 conversations going at the same time .... and no one minds if you fidget constantly.

But the best perk -- at least that I've found so far -- is that all of our parents have coping mechanisms, and passed them on to us. When I found myself unable to handle tasks with more than one step, my father didn't say "WTF are you talking about? It's easy! Just do the thing! Stop being lazy!" No, he could relate completely, and he sat down and taught me how to handle that.

So today, I'm going to pass on to you the coping mechanism my dad taught me for handling the "cannot put tasks in order / cannot get started / forget what I'm doing" problem. You'll need to adjust it for your own needs and your own struggles, but hopefully it'll be helpful in setting up your own process.

I'm going to walk through it with a big project I'm doing at work, just to have a concrete example. That will make some of the discussion specific to computer programming and technical writing, but I do the same thing for all my projects, so hopefully it'll be generalizable.

So to set the stage:

I was supposed to modify this piece of code -- we'll call it "Rosetta" -- to make it handle call data as well as what it was already doing. I did that.... but we now need the code to be able to handle calls (if that's wanted) but also to be able to handle NOT having calls (if THAT'S wanted).

Which is just .... ugh. So much. SOOOOOOOO much.

So. Break it down.

Step one is to get some recording mechanism - pen and paper, whiteboard, blank computer document, whatever

(Technically, this is a different coping strategy, so we'll just take a quick detour: WRITE THINGS DOWN. Your brain is shit at remembering things, and anyway you've already got limits on your working memory; why would you choose to tie up some of that limited resource in something that could be accomplished with literal stone-age technology? Don't even try to remember things. WRITE THEM DOWN.)

I like sticky notes: they're readily available in all offices, they're pretty cheap, and (most importantly) they can be rearranged if it turns out that I forgot a step or put the steps in the wrong order (which, like, let's be honest, I am definitely going to do). But they kill trees and create unnecessary methane emissions, so I've recently switched over to using virtual sticky notes. That's the format I'm going to use for this example, but you can use anything that meets your purposes.

So, you've got something to write with, you're ready to start.

The first question is: what are you trying to accomplish here? What would "done" look like? What is our goal?

I need to end up with a version of Rosetta that will make the correct results if you don't want calls, and will also make the correct results if you do.

The goal here is that you end up with a statement that you can definitively say (a) Yes this is what I wanted or (b)No this is not right because _______

In this case, in order to do that, I'll need to define "correct results" for both call- and non-call versions. But if I have that nailed down, then this statement meets that criterion: I'll be able to say "Yes, this is what I wanted: see, it makes the correct result for calls, and it makes the correct result for not-calls". Or else I'll be able to say, "No, this is wrong: see, it makes the correct result for calls, but on not-calls it does X and we wanted Y."

I have a clear, definitive standard about what I need to do and whether or not I've done it.

But there was a prerequisite there: I need to define "correct results".

So that goes on a sticky note: Create test that will compare my results to existing call!Rosetta-results and to existing not-call!Rosetta-results.

[ID: Two blue boxes, one on top of the other. The top one says in white text "Create test to compare my results to call!results" The bottom one says "Create test to compare my results to not-call!results"] OK. So now we know what we want. The second question is: what do we need to do in order to get that? Here's where the sticky-note recording system really shines, because you don't have to answer this question sequentially. You just start writing down every single thing that is not the way you want it to end up.

I need it to remove commas in the python script, not the bash script

I need to delete the first part of the get_runs() function, which doesn't do anything

I need to delete the rest of the parameters passed to build_query_script() function, because runs encompasses all the others

while we're on that subject, runs doesn't even need the group_variable, so let's pull that out of the parameter document

we also have a dmf defined, which the bash script demands but doesn't use; let's change that demand

since we're changing the structure of the parameter document, we don't need to pull new metrics for each run, so let's move that outside of the runs() loop and only run once

right now the parameter document is ALMOST but not quite "one row per template". Make it so it's actually one row per template.

among other things, that's going to require making it possible for a template to be followed by nothing at all, since it's the assumption that a template will have a metrics block after it that makes it not quite one row per template. So make it possible to publish a template with a null block

the other thing that's weirdly hard-coded is the definition of what a block looks like. Would it make more sense to separate that out into an input file, like the parameters document? On the one hand, that would make it much more flexible; on the other hand, that's another piece that can break. Don't know. Put a question mark on it.

etc

Here's what it looks like at the end of this step:

[ID: A black and white background showing many boxes in two different shades of blue, all with white text. Some of the boxes are overlapping each other.]

As you can see, at this phase you don't need to worry about any of the following:

ordering the tasks. Just stick 'em right on top of each other for now

how you're going to do any of this. Right now we just need to know what, not how

sticking to only one project. As I was working on this, it occurred to me that this whole process would have been a heck of a lot easier if someone had just made a user manual for this, and since I have to go through all the code line-by-line anyway, I might as well write up the documentation while I'm at it. (To help out future-me, if nothing else.) So I put those tasks on another color of sticky note.

making notes that make any ***ing sense to anyone else. This process is for you, and only you need to understand what you're talking about it. Phrase it in ways that make sense to your brain, and to hell with anyone else.

on that topic, also don't worry about making steps that are "too small" or "too dumb" to write down. This is for you. If "save document" feels like a step to you, then write it down.

You also don't need to get every single step involved in the project right now. Get as many as you can, to be sure, but the process is designed on the assumption that you ARE going to forget important steps, and is designed to handle that.

When you can't think of any more steps, then the third question is: what order does it make sense to do these in? Are there any steps that would be easier if you did another step first? Are there any that literally cannot be done unless another step is complete?

This is also a good place to group steps if they fit together nicely. When I used physical sticky notes, I used two different sizes; digitally I can of course make them whatever size I want.

So I have several documentation steps that (a) do need to be written to make sense to other people and (b) I really need to know what's going on before I can do that. I could write them now, but if I did, I'd just end up re-writing them based on things that change as I'm coding. So we'll move those to the end:

[ID: Three dark blue boxes with white text. They read "Create step-by-step instructions for creating your own metric agg", "Create step-by-step instructions for modifying a metric", "Create step-by-step instructions for modifying a query."]

These parts, though -- if I had all the variable structures written down, I could look at them while I'm coding. Then I won't have to keep scrolling back and forth in the code, trying to remember if it's an array or a dictionary while also trying to remember what part of the code I was working on. Brilliant. Move that to the front.

[ID: Seven dark blue boxes with white text, three large, four small. The first one is large and says "Write up explanation of how Rosetta works." The second one is large and says "Document structure of all variables." Attached to that one are four smaller boxes that say "All_blocks", "Runs", "metric", "New_block". The third large one says "Document what qb_parameters.csv contains"]

Also, while I'm at it, I should get the list of variables I need to document -- then I won't have to keep scrolling to find them. Make those sub-steps.

I definitely keep needing to look up what's in the parameters document, so I should write that down, too. For the user manual I also should write down what's in the metric document, but I don't need that for myself, so I can send that to the end.

[ID: The same three dark blue boxes from two screenshots ago (create step-by-step instructions for metric agg, modifying a metric, and modifying a query), now with another dark blue box in front of them with white text that says "Document what granular_metrics.tsv contains."]

These five are all small steps, and are all related in that they don't actually (hopefully) change the functionality of the code; they're just stuff left over from prior versions of this code. So we can lump them all together.

[ID: Five light blue boxes with white text that say "Delete first part of get_runs()", "Have build_query_script only receive the "run" parameter" "Delete dmf" "Move metrics=get_metrics() outside build_all_blocks (all the way up to the top level?" "Delete group_variable from qp_parameters"]

My brain likes this better, so that I can keep track of fewer "main steps", but that's just a peculiarity of me -- you should lump and split however you prefer to make this process easier for you.

[ID: The same five boxes from the prior screenshot, now all made smaller and attached to a larger box that says "Remove Legacy Code"]

Keep going, step by step, sticky by sticky, until you've got them in order. If -- while you're doing this -- you remember another thing you need to do, write it on a sticky and slap it on the pile; you don't have to stop what you're doing to deal with it, because it's written down and it's on the pile and it will get processed; you can just keep working on the thing you're on right now.

[ID: All the same boxes from the first screenshot, now in a neat row. Some of the original boxes have been grouped together. The ones that were said to be at the beginning of the process are on the left and the ones that were said to be at the end are on the right.]

Step four: for the love of all that's holy, SAVE THIS LIST.

Write it on your cubicle whiteboard where it won't be erased

write it on a piece of paper and tape it to the office wall

send an email to yourself

take a picture with your phone

I don't care but save it.

When I used physical sticky notes, I kept them all on the hood of my cubicle's shelf. Now, as you can see, I use Powerpoint, which is irritating af but does allow me to keep everything in a single document, which I can write down the path of.

[ID: White text on a black background says "open ~/Documents/Rosetta\ Modifications\ and \Documentation.pptx" The next line says "Notes in Rocketbook pg 10-12, 16" The next line says "Turn that into documentation that can be used for making modifications."]

And now (finally) you can answer the question "How would I even get started on that?" You look at the first thing on the list, and you treat it as its own project. You can hyperfocus on this step and completely forget about everything else this project requires, because everything you need to remember for the rest of it is written down.

If, as you're working a step, you think of something else you need to do for the big project, write it on a sticky and slap it on the pile. Don't even worry about trying to order it or identify sub-steps; as long as it's not blocking the thing you need to work on right now, you don't have to care. Just stick that bugger anywhere at all on the list, and go back to what you were doing. When you un-hyperfocus and come back to look at your list, there'll be a big sticky note stuck sideways across all the rest of the steps, and you'll remember to file and order it then.

Other benefits of this system

1) The first question really helps with unclear directions from your boss. You can take whatever they told you to do, and translate it into a requirement that is clearly either met or not-met, and then run it back by the boss.

If they say, "No, no, we want ______" then phew! You just saved a huge miscommunication and weeks of wasted work! What a good employee you are! What an excellent team player with strong communication skills!

If they say "Yes, that's what I want," then you know -- for sure -- what it is you're trying to accomplish. Your anxiety is reduced, and your boss thinks you're super-conscientious.

(And if your boss is a jerk who likes to move the goalposts and blame it on their subordinates, then have this conversation over email, so you can show it to their boss or to HR should it become necessary.)

2) Having this project map means that when you spend an hour staring at the requirements and trying to figure out how to get started (which, let's be honest, you were definitely going to do anyway) ... When your boss/coworker comes by and says, "How's it going?" Instead of having to say "I haven't even started 😞" You can say, "Pretty well! I've got all the steps mapped out and am getting ready to start on implementation!" and show them your list, and they think you're very organized and meticulous. 3) Sometimes, especially in corporate jobs, you and your coworkers will run into a problem that's too big for even Neurotypicals to hold all in their heads. At that point, the NTs will be completely lost -- they've never had to develop a way to handle projects they can't just look at and know how to get started. So then you pipe up in the meeting and say, "OK, well, what exactly are we trying to accomplish?" and everybody at the conference table looks at you like you're a goddamned genius and you don't have to tell them that you use this exact same process to remember how to make a sandwich 😅

4) Having this project map makes it so much easier to stop work and then start it up again later, but this post is already really really really long, so I'm going to address that in a separate (really really long) post.

[stupidbullshitallday]

Hey education system I have a question.

Why didn't you once, and I mean it not a single FUCKING time, did you teach us about mental disorders or neurodivergent conditions?? I mean like anxiety, depression, ADHD, autism, PTSD and so on, they exist and anyone, NO MATTER THEIR AGE can have it.

I remember being a gifted kid in elementary school and then when I entered middle school i failed ONE exam and my whole world came crashing down, I remember that was the first time in my life that i cried out of stress, it wasn't the last.

Or hey! What about that subject that didn't come to me easily and i was struggling to understand? I am smart! I should be able to just do this? Why can't I do this? I have done all of the things before? Why is this different? Why am i shaking? Why does my chest hurt? Oh right, i was developing anxiety and wouldn't you know it! I DIDN'T EVEN KNEW THAT WORD EXISTED OR WHAT IT MEANT! I thought i was exaggerating and that i would eventually get it right not because i was motivated to do so or because i received help to deal with this sudden distressing feeling! But because i was supposed to just be smart and understand.

Hey! Why don't we move on to high school! Were things are surely getting better with untreated anxiety and at this point a probable undiagnosed (still undiagnosed) ADHD, clearly this new environment with even higher expectations won't worsen it!

Spoiler alert it did.

First two semesters gone by and what happened? My first panic attack! Hurray! I barely understand what is happening or why is it happening it is all so confusing and overwhelming, but i just have to keep pushing and fill those expectations right? That's worked until now! ... what is this sudden exhaustion?

First burnout of many.

But hey! Schools usually have counselors right? Surely they will be able to help! ... but how do i ask for help when i'm the problem who isn't trying hard enough? Maybe it will look like i just want attention, or they will tell me what i already know, that i just have to keep trying, why waste their time with my useless problems, right?

I never asked for help because i didn't know i was allowed to, because i didn't know this problem was beyond not understanding a subject, because i didn't know i was developing a psychological disorder and you know why? Because i didn't even knew they existed.

And you want to know the funniest thing? How i learned about what i was going through? How i learned how to treat it and lower it's effects as much as i possibly could? How i found an explanation to all that i had experienced?

Fucking tumblr posts

It was this hellsite who first introduced me to anxiety, ADHD and the gifted kid situation, I WAS 16 when i first learned of all of this terms, what they meant, how they manifested, how to treat them, where to get help. I'm 18 right now, i barely discovered this terms only two years ago.

So i ask again, WHY didn't you once consider this topic was worth learning from a young age? And don't come and tell me it's because kids wouldn't understand or develop them so it is useless information, because if i had learned this as a child all of this wouldn't be taking as much of a toll on me as it's doing now.

And kids? Children? I am talking about 7 year olds give it or take a few years, they do develop things like depression and anxiety, they are born neurodivergent and so many of them may never even know what that word is or how it applies to them because the education system will simply label them as dumb and move on, it won't stop to listen as to WHY they have a problem understanding things, it will just shove it under the rug and move on like nothing happened.

Why are we supposed to just eventually learn this information, usually when the problem has gone long enough that it is hard to control and deal with. If it was taught to us then it wouldn't develop until it's out of our control or to the point we are afraid or unsure to ask for help because we have gone like this long enough, a little longer won't hurt.

This should be fundamental learning as we grow up, what all of this disorders mean, who can we ask for help, healthy ways to deal with them, how to recognize them so we know we need to ask for help.

People who do end up learning this in depth are those studying psychology, but we fall into the same problem. We don't have the means or knowledge to recognize when we are developing this disorders, they develop far too out of hand and that's when we finally get help, when we are at our limit and that is not okay. We should be able to know before being at the brink of breaking to get help to you know, prevent reaching our limit to begin with.

And i am sure someone will come and say hey, the reason they don't teach it is because they are uncommon.

They aren't, most of my generation has this disorders and most of them don't know what they are, most of them have to learn that on their own, most of them will find out by the time their disorder is getting out of hand.

This information should be taught period, there is not a valid argument as to why it shouldn't.

[algumaideia]

An analysis of Octavian

This post was actually going to be an explanation of why I think Octavian is an antagonist, but not a villain. But it ended up being an analysis of his character. 

SPOILERS

And as always feel free to disagree with me, just be respectful. 

Sorry, because it wasn’t well-written, I’m incapable of writing good texts. 

Backstory

I think it is important to say that since we don’t have any information about his backstory most of the thing said in this part of the review are what I think is his backstory. It is a mix of the facts stated in the books, the way Octavian acts and my interpretations. Besides the things I’ll make clear that were said in the books, the rest is not canon. And you don’t need to agree with me that this was his backstory.

His family is one of the richest of New Rome- In the books he also seems to act without fearing the consequences while taking the privilege/money of his family as garented. Octavian acts like someone that is seeking attention. It is so weird how he just do whatever he wants without fearing consequences when his family is right there in New Rome. For that to happen I think or his family neglects him or they are those kind of people who think the children can do no wrong and are all my baby didn’t do that. But I think that if they were the latter, they would be more present in Octavian’s life, but they are never there. 

He is an augere and feels very proud about it. I don’t think there is too much to add about it besides that I think he likes to be an augere because it makes him important and necessary.

No one likes him and this isn’t something new. In Son of Neptune, Hazel says half of the camp hates Octavian and most of his friends are bought. So, Octavian is a lonely child. And he is aware of this. He is a bad person, people dislike him for a reason. But it seems people have been disliking him for some years and he is a child. According to his wiki he was 10 years old when he came to Camp Jupiter for the first time, and he spent his tweens and teens years in a place where people did not like him. I don’t think this was a good place to grow up.

He is really smart and manipulative. I think that those traits are a little inconsistent. Because in the beginning of the SoN Percy says how Octavian is really good at manipulating people with words, but then in the ending of the book and in MoA everyone is shutting Octavian up. Isn’t he this kind of master of words, how he isn’t answering people back? 

We also know he’s been at camp jupiter for quite sometime. I’ll talk about it in another part of the post.

He is anemic and mentally ill. I’ll talk about those things in the Camp Jupiter, Treatment and Ableism parts. 

Other thing that I would like to say is that this post is not an attempt to ignore the bad things Octavian did and pretend he is not a bad person. It is just me trying to understand his better and show why in my opinion the fandom hasn’t treated him fairly.

Camp Jupiter

Camp Jupiter sucks and it does for a lot of reasons. Some of them being the fact they have a city full of adults and most of them were demigods trained in the camp, which means they have trained adults but instead tweens and teens are the ones who fights. Hazel said that if Percy dishonored the legion they both would be executed. Hazel also says that sometimes people die in the war games. There is also the fact that people are dying all the time in missions/wars. The Camp Jupiter also expects perfect behavior for its demigods, to them all know the rules and to do not commit mistakes and I don’t have adhd but this doesn’t seem to be a good place to people that has the disorder. There is too much preassure to do not do any wrong, apperently no emotional support and the punishments seems to be crazy. It’s not a healthy place to a chldren grow up.

Other point is how they value physical strenght, hand to hand combats and offensive approache more than a lot of things. Frank said how he wasn’t treated well because he was an archer, and this was seem as cowardice. Octavian is anemic, he doesn’t have physical strenght or energy to be able to fight. The only way to be respected in Jupiter's camp is to be a good fighter, and he cannot be that because of his illness. As I said Octavian is someone that is often seeking attention and validation by his peers, and I think that this is why being an augere is something so important to him. He cannot make himself important in the traditional way and by being an augere he is necessary to the camp. People cannot just dismiss him. He buys friends, he manipulates people, he becomes a centurion, he is always dominating the senate. He makes himself impossible to be neglected. 

Yes, Octavian is power-hungry. Yes, he is bad. But a lot of things he did during Heroes of Olympus was just Roman things (he was also mentally ill and his mental health was getting worse in each book). When Hazel says that Octavian will kill Percy if the greeks atack New Rome, but in the next sentence she says that Romans take oaths very seriously. However it is all written like it is Octavian being a horrible person. But it is not. The Romans are very harsh with their punishments, they seem to be violent, physical. When Octavian says the Romans should fight the greeks, he is just acting like a Roman, like someone who was raised in a enviroment that encouraged violence responses.

Treatment

Octavian wasn’t treated nicely by the narrative and other characters. I mean, this guy was the centurion of the first cohort and an augere. But no one seem to respect him. No one enters the legion without him saying yes (I know it is acording to what he sees) but he is treated like he isn’t important. He is the one that is responsable of saying what the gods wants, but no one seems to have problems mocking him. I mean fi he decides to give you a wrong information about what a god want you are dead. 

Hazel said how “obsessed” with the sibylline books Octavian and it was framed as him being irrational and dumb. But in the end he was right, if the legion listened to him Ella would have been save way sooner. But no, it is just Octavian being  “obsessed”.

Percy acts like Octavian doesn’t have any prophecy powers, but he saw the lighting in the Jupiter Temple. Then when Octavian is mad because there are three preators he acts like he is overreacting, and Jason and Reyna do nothing. And this is weird because it was made very clear that rules are very important to Camp Jupiter. 

When he decides to attack Camp Jupiter he is always villified and not seem as a mentally ill boy that has been getting worse doing the Roman thing. 

He is always dismissed, mocked, villified, ignored.

And the fact Luke was treated with sympathy, but Octavian not. Luke, who tried to kill Percy, a childre, a lot of times. Luke, who used Annabeth feelings and emotional attachment to manipulate her. Luke, who was 19-22 years old and groomed Silena, who was 14-18 years old. Luke, who poisoned Talia’s tree. Luke, who had no regards for Grover, the satyr that saved him. Luke was treated with sympathy. But not Octavian. Not the mentally ill child who was losing the touch with reality during the series. Not the guy who was just doing what he was raised to do. 

I mean, I don’t even like Octavian and I cannot stand it.

Gwen

Guys, Octavian did a lot of bad things but killing Gwen wasn’t one of those thing. It is so no sense for a lot of reasons. 

As we talked before he is anemic and he is also smart. This intelligent man, that is full aware of his physical limits, thought it would be a good idea to get in the midle of a chaotic fight? I don’t think so.

Some pages before that Percy hit Octavian and he fell like a straw man (according to the text, the first time I read it I thought he fainted). 

Octavian always makes things because of a purpose, he isn’t just being mean because. He does bad things because his actions will give him something. Killing Gwen wouldn’t help him with anything.

Frank for some reason decided to look to Octavian during that mess and that doesn’t make any sense. He is in the camp for a month at this time the guy should’ve already known that Octavian doesn’t battle, he only commands. He saw Percy fighting for a couple of seconds during the war game and was already able to say how he fought.

Octavian was without his knive, but just minutes before he fainted, he could have lost it when he fell.

Frank said that Octavian seemed interested and not worried. But this is not enough to blame the guy, this is not enough to assume anything execpt that maybe Octavian has low empath. 

Greeks

Octavian was a roman. To the romans the greeks didn’t exist anymore, and they were the enemy. 

So, a random greek shows up, spends some days at the camp, becomes preator, and two of your most important gods appear and give a lot of attention to this greek. This is really suspicious. This greek also says that the romans should work with the greeks so they can defeat Gaea. And why you should trust this dude? He doesn’t show respect for the Roman culture. Then this huge war ship appears and this suspect greek guy says that they all come peace and the romans should not attack. Obviously you don’t believe it, and what happens they attack! As the good roman you are, your answer is to attack the greeks back. 

The romans answers things with violence. This is why Reyna asked if Annabeth was a roman after the judo flip. This is why Hazel said she and Percy would be executed if he did a mistake during his period of probatio. Octavian was being roman. He was trying to protect and revenge his Camp against a long time enemy. 

Not saying everything he did about it was logical, but this is because of his upbringing and his mental health. 

Goals

I think it is really interisting the fact that Octavian main goal was to be a hero, not more powerful. Apollo didin’t say Octavian would become preator, he said Octavian would save New Rome. 

I mean, since Octavian wanted to be preator and then became the pontifex maximum, so the logical think it would be to him wants more power. But no he wants to be a hero. A hero is someone that is respected, admired, liked and even loved. All the thing Octavian isn't. Don't get me wrong, Octavian is a bad person, there is a reason people dislike him. But he is also a lonely child that is hated by most of the camp.

Ableism

Octavian is often described as crazy, mad, insane. In his first appearence Percy said Octavian had madness in the eyes, and this was the way of the narrative warning us he was one of the bad guys. He is obviusly mentally ill, his mental health is obviusly getting worse, but everyone ignores it. Everyone ignores it, execpt when they are describing how insane his laugh is, how crazy he looks, how intense his gaze is. Everyone ignores it, until they need to remind us he is one of the antagonists. 

Ending

The ending was terrible. 

Octavian was obiously having a psychotic break, he was stumbling, laughing “in an insane” way, and he didn’t realize his jewelry was in fire. And then what happens? Michael Kahale, the person he most trusted, his problaby only friends appeared, saw the situation and did nothing.

Octavian didn’t kill himself. He didn’t know his clothes were tied in the onager. It wasn’t a sacrifice. It was an aciddent. 

Nico stopped Will Solace who was trying to warn it because some “deaths are inevitable”. Nico, also a mentally ill character saw Octavian in the vulnerable state he was and did nothing to help him. And when Nico was seeing Octavian lunch himself to the sky he thought that this was a relief. No one was sad, no one thought this was a tragedy, no one cared. Octavian was dead and that was a relief. 

The guy was so desperate to be the hero and no one even cared about his death. It is horrible.

Another sorry for the weird tense of the text.

If you want to read this is my post about Octavian and Azula and how their mental illness were treated differently.

Best regards,

Me. 

Ps. We need to start talking how the way Bryce was written was ableist.

[thestarseersystem]

hahaahah im changing my lil link in my pinned so heres the explanation for whatever the fuck type of disorder I have.

People know jack shit on whether or not they have DID or OSDD, because they don't get diagnosed properly, so as someone who has not sought diagnosis because personal reasons, it's even less likely I'll know through osmosis

Hahahaha apparently I have repressed memories and I do experience amnesia, but the nature of what I have hides it. Front usually less amnesia, but there's a lot of dissociation between the ANPs and the people who barely front. So, it's kind of bullshit that I cannot recognize what's a memory gap or not, because the further the memories are from present day, the less I'll remember..

So classifications between DID and OSDD are kind of difficult to decipher, because it's based on observed symptoms, and guess what, if you cannot remember what you observed, then it's impossible to tell. I don't fucking know what's going on.

If you asked me to choose one, I'd get mad. It's not my fault that I don't know. And I think people insinuating that those with OSDD are lesser, is a shitty thing that people do. I feel connected to both because my symptoms are atypical for most DID systems, because they can observe their amnesia. For me, I deny it happened, that it's just my ADHD or whatever. I just don't think it's fair that there's such a divide, when it's difficult to identify as it is.

I still think the TOSD is kind of dumb in that,, if more complex versions present as less complex versions, it needs to account for that. People need to be more critical of the information that we know of, and account for how this works. Not for only what's stated.

On the manner of polyfragmention, yeah, I am polyfragmented. That's the only thing I understand about this disorder.

I have more than one ANP, clearly something is up if I have more than one. I didn't know that implied that what I'm experiencing is more complex. It's just weird.

Quite a number of our alters are made up of little individual parts, making each alter fragmented. Especially the main host, where she has several fragments that are a part of her. Not fused, just existing within her. Many of our alters are like that.

Along with the last point, many of our introjects have multiple sources. Such as Alyce, who has sources from many different alice in wonderland medias, but they make up who they are as an alter. Not all of our introjects are like this, but whether or not this is true, we cannot tell.

Our innerworld is a whole universe, it's massive, it's realms stacked on top of/next to each other. There's many layers and many alters that exist within our mindspace. This isn't true for every polyfrag system, but it's true that ours is insanely big. So much so that I'm sure there's alters that don't even know front that well.

If you haven't heard, the 100+ alters thing is kind of bullshit, it changes via too many factors and large systems are not inherently polyfrag. Along with that, the pf systems I've met and interacted with tend to have unique symptoms that get mistaken or misunderstood fairly easily. If people choose to use the "its a large system" definition, I personally think it's kind of dumb, but you do you. I use it to mean fragmented alters and layers of trauma, but whatevs.

Misc thoughts...

We got... lot of trauma too. As to what. Fuck if I know. But we have it. All systems have it even if they do not know. I do not know jack shit about mine.

all systems have dissociative disorders, i will not be taking any other opinions at this time.

anyway if i have more thoughts ill add them. but heres to not knowing whether or not I have DID or OSDD. thanks. its probably one of them, most likely, but im still denying so much. ya.

[marinetteplztakeabreak]

okay now that we’re in the middle of a hiatus and the fandom is mostly calmed down

I’m one of the very few people who’s actually hoping for a Lila redemption arc? I don’t want her to be friends with Adrien or Marinette or anyone she’s really really hurt, but she is still like 14 and we don’t know her full story and I honestly want to see her grow and be a person and make some actual friends and get some hobbies. Again, I think she’s burned the bridge with a few characters, but that doesn’t mean she can’t ever be friends with anyone else

and anyway, my ideal takedown/ redemption arc for Lila is one where she unknowingly lies about having several disabilities that other students in the class actually do have

BUT I don’t want it in a “oh actually, Lila, you dumb fool, I have real medically diagnosed tinnitus, so I know that’s not how it works, haha everyone look at Lila the stupid liar” kind of way

I want them to be like stupid levels of understanding and try to bond with her

(detailed explanation of my Lila arc under the cut, obviously don’t read if you’re uncomfortable with the idea of Lila being redeemed)

Lila is like “oh... actually... I can’t participate in the PE final... I have scoliosis... that I just found out about right now” and Juleka is like “oh! I have scoliosis too!” and Lila is panicking because she’s about to be called a fraud, but instead Juleka just happily sits with her for the entire PE final and rambles about stuff and is super happy to have a bench buddy

Alix mentions that she has tinnitus and Lila is like “wait what? why aren’t you in front of the class?” and Alix is like “oh, for me it’s kind of a waves thing? on good days, I can hear her from anywhere in the classroom, and on bad days, nothing can really help me hear? so Ms. Bustier just gives me lecture notes that I can read and it works for me.” And Lila is completely expecting to be called a fraud but Alix is just like “it’s super cool that it does help you, though! everyone’s different! If you ever want to compare notes about what helps, you can text me!”

Lila starts to say the beginning of a well practiced and overly researched speech about how she can’t go on a field trip because she has a super rare medical condition and Max just pulls her aside and is like “hey, I know it can be scary and you feel like you have to justify yourself, but you really don’t have to give super personal information all the time. It’s totally fine if you are comfortable, but really, I know from personal experience that Ms Bustier and this class are super understanding. You can just say ‘personal reasons’ or something and we’ll all leave you alone. You’re allowed to have privacy.” and Lila is like “huh”

this is getting long but basically, eventually she talks to someone in the class with ADHD or anxiety, I’m going to say Alya for now, so she literally catches Lila lying about knowing some celebrity, and instead of being angry or judgemental she’e super discreet about it, she pulls her aside like “hey, I know it feels hard to make friends, but I promise you, people do think you’re interesting as you are, and we care more about you than the people you know.” and she doesn’t even call Lila out for lying? she’s literally just like “u dont have to know celebrities”

and then Lila actually finds out that there’s at least one actual compulsive liar in the class. And, if you didn’t know, Lila’s not an actual compulsive liar, and I’m not going to get into a rant about that now but... She lies on purpose, and tells planned lies with an agenda, whereas compulsive liars don’t usually plan to lie or have a reason for lying. So anyway, Lila gets actually caught lying, and someone, lets just say Nino for the sake of picking a character, is like “hey i know its hard but you do still have to apologize, even if you did your best, you still messed up and you’ve got to own up to it. I believe you that you’re trying to be better but you can’t just use mental illness as an excuse.” and Lila pulls out the fake tears and is like “you don’t understand-” and Nino is (not in a rude way, just trying to be kind) like “I can’t understand you exactly, no, but I literally did have a problem with compulsive lying and I have a therapist, so if you want to talk about it I probably understand more than you know” and Lila is like “oh.”

and anyway, Lila’s arc doesn’t come through someone she’s harassed trying to defend her, and it doesn’t come from her being traumatized into being nice, it just comes from her classmates treating her like a human person, and doing their best to understand her while also actually finding ways to make things accessible to her so she stops being able to get out of things. And then it turns to “hey Lila, just so you know, you don’t HAVE to give explanations for not wanting to go places, you can just SAY if you’re uncomfortable.” and she starts getting called out on it a little bit more, but in a friendly way. Her classmates are just like “Lila please just tell us what you want, I don’t need your medical history, I’m not going to do a background check, just, say you want to borrow a jacket and I’ll let you borrow it. I literally have an extra hoodie”

But simultaneously, everyone with a disability “in common” with her starts latching on to her and opening up, and they actually hold her accountable for listening to their needs. And Lila, who already has the mindset of “oh u are legally required to help Disabled Person or everyone will hate you,” which is literally the basis of half of her plans, is now surrounded by classmates who are asking for her help with reading things because they’re dyslexic, or asking her to grab a textbook from across the room, and asking her if she has any heating pads, and, well, Mylene actually bought her some heating pads when she was faking having cramps earlier, so she might as well lend those out so that she can get more credit with her classmates

And it’s not because she *cares* obviously, she’s just doing it to get them to rely on her, and to get on their good side

and then she’s invited to join the disabled students activism club, and it would look suspicious if she didn’t join, so she agrees, and then whoops, she is now working to do actual charity work-- because it’s really nice to have such solid evidence for her claims, and some charity work that she can actually point to solid evidence for if she ever gets called out-- and honestly it is pretty stupid that its so hard to get accommodations on tests for students with anxiety, because aren’t those the students who are the most afraid to talk to the teachers-- not that Lila cares. And it’s super dumb that no one even knows proper etiquette for helping people in wheelchairs,, and people keep Leaving Things in the Hallways that make it too narrow, and-- Lila doesn’t care at all though, and she definitely doesn’t care about her “friends” in the club because they’re not her friends, and she totally does not cry when she finds out that most of them are literally self-diagnosed, and then it turns out that Mylene was actually wrong, and she probably doesn’t have Lyme disease like she thought, and no one judges her or treats her any different? they’re all just like “oh thats great! glad you could keep getting new information!”

and Lila realizes that literally no one will be mad if it turns out she doesn’t have any disabilities. Except also, she’s starting to become more and more sure that she Does have several things wrong with her, because apparently it’s Not Normal to feel constantly on guard when she’s around other people, and apparently it’s Not Normal to just have days where you literally cannot drag yourself out of bed in the morning and then get hit with terror that if you tell anyone about how numb you feel they’ll immediately think you’re unworthy as a human being, and she’s like, oh, huh, i should  look into that

and anyway Lila doesn’t even try to be a good person at first she just wakes up one day and is like “what the heck when did i get actual friends and passions and hobbies,, i did not sign up for this” but she does start making an effort to be worthy of them and she ends up growing a whole ton once she’s given a support system

and anyway i know lots of people are uncomfy with Lila and that’s fine, but i’m continuously a sucker for “evil devil child is actually a pretty decent human being once their basic needs are met and they feel safe” trope

[phoenixkaptain]

The amount of times in the show that Conan just straight up becomes unresponsive because he’s freaking the fuck out is, to be honest, a bit concerning. It seems to happen more as the series progresses, but it certainly appeared a few times early on.

Which, one could say that it’s just like when he’s deducing and doesn’t notice people talking to him. Or when he’s so busy staring at soemone that he doesn’t notice people talking to him. But, honestly? These scenes are concerning too.

He doesn’t realize people are talking to him until they call his name enough to jostle him out of it. When he’s staring at people, this is really concerning! He’s so focused on the person he’s looking at, most often a literal murderer, he tunes out the rest of the world. Most people, if they’re looking at someone realy hard, will hear people, they’ll just be distracted in answering. They’ll hear the voice and the tone and respond to those instead of the words. The fact the Conan doesn’t hear them at all, leaves us wondering how focused he is on them. If he’s so focused that his ears are ringing with the sound of his thoughts, which are so loud he has no choice but to focus on only them, well that leads to panic attacks.

Most of the time, when Conan or Shinichi are deducting, it’s shown as a very short thing. His mind jumps to make the connections, because his mind probably connects things that other people’s minds wouldn’t. Most scenes are short, because Conan/Shinichi figures out one part, then the second part, then the third and so on in little bursts. Something will be said and his mind makes a connection with something else that was said and he deduces things from that, which sounds like a long process but could be a quick as snapping your fingers. The scenes where Conan is thinking on something and the connections aren’t coming and he doesn’t notice other people talking to him are a bit rare. While Conan can figure things out if he thinks through them long enough, his brain isn’t really made to do that. It takes him so much longer and he has to put himself so deep in his thoughts that, even if he did hear people call for him, he wouldn’t respond because there’s that feeling of “It’s on the tip of my tongue and if I say nothing and don’t move and don’t breath and keep circling this thought in my head, the connection will come.”

You could say that this is just an overly long explanation on why I think Conan/Shinichi have signs of having ADHD or something similar to it (autism is an option). Why, I could end this by saying that even Conan’s seeming adversity to being touched, ie., looking uncomfortable when he’s drawn into hugs and getting stiff-backed even when Ran hugs him, could be a sign of such mental health because people with ADHD and autism don’t like touch. One of the reasons they don’t is because it’s sensory. It’s another thing their brain has to focus on, on top of everything else it pays attention to, and it’s stressful to suddenly have to think about something you didn’t expect. This also explains why he’s seemingly fine with Kogoro lifting him up by the back of his shirt: his mind relaxes the body because it knows being stiff would end up with the body being hurt, either from the collar digging into his neck or that it would be hard to time when to relax since Kogoro picks him up and drops him sporadically. But, also, it’s not skin contact. Conan wears clothes that don’t bother him, clothes that he seems to forget he’s wearing because he hardly ever takes note of them. He puts on clothes in the morning and forgets about them for the rest of the day, which means we can reasonably assume that he’s fine with the texture of the cloth, meaning even if it did get pulled uncomfortably tight, the tightness would be the issue, not the clothes.

There’s also, which I’ve been trying to figure out how to word it jokingly for a while, how he doesn’t mind the touch of animals. Conan refuses to hug most people, tending to get dragged into them, but he opens his arms willing for animals. Whether it’s Jirokichi’s dog, Lupin, jumping on him or the many cats in the series who approach him, Conan is fine picking up and giving and receiving physical affection from them. People who are touch-averse often turn to animals, perhaps without even realizing it. A part of being human is needing social interactions, one of which is physical touch. The good thing about humans is that, as social animals, we don’t have to get touch from another human, almost any other animal makes our dumb mammal hindbrain happy. Touch-averse people still need touch, even if it isn’t from other humans, so they often find it through dogs or cats. Conan seems to be one of these people, if we compare his reaction to animals touching him to his reaction to people touching him. (Of course, a part of it is probably that it’s easy to tell when an animal is going to jump on you or ask for affection. You have a bit of time to brace yourself, so to speak. Telegraphed movements aren’t very common in Detective Conan, since it deals with murder and sporadic movements, making obvious-signals of animals all the better for someone touch-averse.)

Perhaps, I’m jumping to conclusions. But, I, as well as other people with ADHD, can remember times where we had a similar light bulb moment to Conan’s. Someone will say something and our brain hits the gas and takes us to our destination. But! There’s also that sometimes, all it takes for Conan to piece something together is for him to say the words outloud and ask the question. This is very common for people with ADHD. Just thinking it leaves the thought it the tangle of the rest of thoughts that exist. Saying it aloud often triggers the brain to put more focus on what you’re saying. It’s a neat trick, maybe it works for neurotypicals too, I wouldn’t know.

Was this just a long, convoluted essay on why I think Kudou Shinichi has ADHD or autism? Yes. It was. Was this a too-long essay I wrote because I’ve been psychoanalyzing this character for almost ten years? Yes, that is the case. Are there more things I could add, like how Conan/Shinichi doesn’t understand why other people aren’t as in to solving crimes as him, how he seems baffled by the very idea that he should put the woman he’s in love with over figuring out who killed this guy, how he doesn’t seem to recognize romantic signals unless they aren’t directed at him, and how he doesn’t understand why people get mad at him for telling the solution to magic tricks? Sure. Couldn’t I also add that many animals like neurodivergent people, cats because they don’t like being stared at and pestered, dogs because dogs are empathetic and like hugs, which could be why Conan attracts animals to him so often and those animals like him a lot? I could.

This got out of hand, I’m done now, I promise.

[starrybouquet]

Ma'am pls I need to know about that sg1/pjo thing you so casually mentioned.. like you cant just drop that on us with no explanation >:/

thank you @spacey-iris for waiting so long for this answer!!! And, here we go...

OMG OKAY HEAR ME OUT BECAUSE THIS IS MY FAVORITE FANDOM IDEA I HAVEN'T SPEWED ON THIS BLOG YET

Full disclosure: in middle school I was Percy Jackson OBSESSED. Writing this post is bringing back memories...ahhh, the good old days before Blood of Olympus came out and I swore off HOO forever...

Going through it carefully, I seriously wonder if Rick Riordan was watching Stargate when he started creating this world. It's no wonder I love Stargate now.

Jack O'Neill = Percy Jackson

I mean, c'mon! It couldn't be more perfect! Both of them are smartasses, have decided it's their life work to act dumb even though they're actually smart as hell. Both of them have ADHD and are VERY fidgety. Jack's a lot more tragic than Percy, because he's fifty instead of sixteen. But they act exactly the same, are loyal to a fault, and wayyyyy too humble. Not to mention they both fall in love with blonde geniuses who laugh at their stupid jokes and are driven NUTS by their dumb acts! Totally the same person.

Sam Carter = Annabeth Chase

I mentioned this already a little. But again, could they be more similar?! Both geniuses who are unafraid to show their smarts. Badass in a fight, and ALSO the person who will draw up a plan to save the world. Both have slightly inept fathers and absent mothers. Both are a little confused when it comes to love, and both of them are tomboys. Plus, they look similar? Like, Annabeth could literally be a teenage Sam Carter? Okay. I'm done.

Daniel + Teal'c = Grover + Tyson

This part isn't quite as perfect, but the combination of Daniel and Teal'c still manages to give off the exact same effect as Grover and Tyson? Daniel's got Grover's clumsiness, Grover's penchant for trouble, but Tyson's innocence. Teal'c has Grover's wisdom and the whole "outsider" perspective Grover and/or Tyson often bring, but he also has Tyson's giant-strongman thing going for him. They both love food in the same way Grover and Tyson love food (okay, now I want a fic where Teal'c tries to eat Louis XVI furniture).

Janet = Thalia

You KNOW I'm right. Same no-nonsense attitude, same attitude towards Jack/Percy. Annabeth and Thalia are besties, Janet and Sam are besties. Okay, Thalia is taller. But with her ability to command the infirmary, Ms. Napoleonic Power Monger could totally pass for a child of Zeus, right?

Hammond = Chiron

I think this one is obvious? Very tired mentors/grandpas who never, never get any time off and have to deal with the fallout of ALL the shenanigans. At least Hammond isn't stuck in a wheelchair outside of the SGC.

Miscellaneous thoughts

does that make...Frank Cromwell...Luke Castellan??

I NOW WANT TO MEET JACK'S MOM MORE THAN EVER IT IS A CRIME WE NEVER GOT TO MEET HIS FAMILY

OH MY GOD IS JUNIPER SHA'RE THAT IS HEARTBREAKING

clarisse is totally maybourne

oh my god walter and siler are connor and travis stoll

Chain Reaction = that early part of Sea of Monsters where Chiron is gone and the camp is just NUTS

who from SG-1 is Zoe Nightshade? idk

Percy is about the right age to be Jack's kid. Oh my god Percy could be Charlie.

Does that make Sara equivalent to Rachel?!

Pete just doesn't exist. Because I don't think Annabeth ever dates anyone else? I like this reality

FUCK SILENA IS MAKEPEACE

Bekendorf (i know i am spelling his name incorrectly, i have not cracked the spines on these books for at least five years, cut me some slack) but anyway he could be...someone who dies...hmm...oh i know! kawalsky!

And - quite obviously - there's a lot of personal parallels for me here too. I absolutely HATED how HOO took advantage of the original characters, and then made fun of them/destroyed their characterization (ahem, ANNABETH). I know lots of people loved HOO more, but for me the last two books especially ruined the characters. Not to mention they kept dangling Percy and Annabeth in front of our noses and then made us read about people who were not them. Funnily enough, 5 PJO books + 5 HOO books = 10 books total! Guess what has 10 seasons? That's right, SG-1! And guess what I refuse to acknowledge the last two seasons of, because said seasons destroyed characterization? Oh look, it's Stargate SG-1!

Speaking of that - if I'm running with the parallel then Landry could be Coach Hedge. And Mitchell can be Fucking Jason Grace--huh, that works well. And I think Vala can be Leo - aka the only one I liked of the new characters! :D

GUYS I NEED TO REREAD THIS NOW

I NEED TO WRITE SAM AND JACK'S KID READING PERCY JACKSON

SELF-INDULGENT PERCY JACKSON AU TIME

[screechthemighty]

OKAY TIME TO RAG ON T*M C*SSIELLO YET AGAIN.

So. Here’s the thing. The deal. The scoop. My meta complaints can basically be summed up in three sentences. One: T*m kept trying to sell us a friendship that wasn’t there, which only adds to how abrupt it falling apart is. Two: I do not trust this writing team with this plot line, and the way they handled parts of it in the comic itself only cement that distrust. Three: Why the HECK are they putting lore on TWITTER and only twitter. I won’t expand on that one because...that kind of speaks for itself, not everyone has twitter and it’s dumb that they’re confining important plot/character info to just twitter. But for more explanation of the other two, check under the cut.

Part One: T*m Stop Tweeting I’m Begging You

So, in my last post, I referenced the fact that this argument feels really contrived due to a lack of in-canon friendship between Mirage and Wraith. I’ve talked about this before, but tl;dr for those who don’t read my discourse: outside of some banter and bickering, there is little to no interaction between Mirage and Wraith pre-season 6 comics that implies a real connection. The s1 trailer comes close, but with everything else, it’s mostly just “Mirage says dumb thing while Wraith rolls her eyes in the background”, which establishes Literally Nothing.

But we all know they’re friends, right? This isn’t just wistful thinking by us Miraiths? No, we do know...because T*m said so on twitter. Think about it. He’s gleefully sold every interaction they get (or might get) as being food for the Miraith fans who ask about interactions, he’s the one who said Elliott is in her top three people she can stand (she NEVER explicitly names Mirage, only Natalie), and he also said this:

(screenshot orginally posted by @apexmirxith​)

Read that description. Read it again. Think about what we’ve actually gotten in the lore, both before the twitter comic and in it.

Something does not add up here. Literally nothing he said has been reflected in the canon at any point. And I would love it to be! Nothing would make me happier! If I could think of moments that lined up with that, I’d never shut up about them because I’m a single brain cell Miraith shipper and everyone knows it! But it’s not there, T*m!!!!!

Basically, Word of Author and The Actual Text are in conflict in a BIG way. It’s like T*m KNOWS he can just fill in the plot blanks with his twitter canon, but that’s NOT GOOD WRITING, and it makes what should be really interesting character moments SUPER hollow because again, none of the building blocks are there. They’re just in T*m’s mind, and then he offhandedly mentions them while replying to fan art. I swear, this dude should not keep tweeting about the plot of the games, because if he’s not doing stuff like this, he’s actively making promises he can’t keep. It’s so frustrating.

Okay, now that we’re done with that rant...

Part Two: Y’all Don’t Know How To Handle Abelism, Is The Thing

I discussed a lot of this during headcasegate II: the quickening, but for those of you who don’t read my complaining-disguised-as-analysis, the big issues are as follows:

I don’t think the intricate character work needed to grow out of abelism is actually something you can do in Apex Legends as a means of storytelling due to time constraints, the fact that plots can and will be dropped at any time (they did this with Bangalore this season, for instance) and a large cast all vying for attention in the plot.

T*m has repeatedly proven he has blind spots wrt abelism, starting with him implying autism could be cured (he walked this one back and admitted he was wrong, but still), to using abelist language as a plot device more than once, to being dismissive of people pointing that out instead of trying to understand why people were criticizing it. I don’t see any signs he’s actively learned (except the autism thing), so I don’t expect this angle to improve.

Elliott exhibits several traits of neurodivergency, from social anxiety to several HEAVILY ADHD coded traits (chronic tardiness, rambles heavily, impulsive spending, misunderstanding instructions), and has a stutter on top of that, but so far this has been ENTIRELY played for laughs and to make him look like a dumbass, not taken seriously.

And those three points really do stand, and are the basis of a lot of my concern. But there’s another angle that became more of an issue for me as I was reading the latest comic, and it has to do with Wraith. 

The game has already been really, really weird with how they’ve treated mental illness related when it comes to Wraith. They leaned heavily into the “owo scawwy mental patient! owo” imagery with banner frames and arguably her Liberator skin (I do love that skin because shaved head = chef’s kiss, but it does draw on mental illness imagery with the straight jacket look of her outfit), and she has on-and-off talked about/reacted to the voices as if they’re more a harmful influence akin to true psychosis and not helpful alternate selves. All of that leads to her being very heavily psychosis-coded, which has been noted by a lot of people.

And yet.

When the abelism is finally addressed, her breaking point, the thing the comics treat as The Thing You Shouldn’t Be Making Fun Of Her For, is...her amnesia.

Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s also wrong to make fun of her for having amnesia. But why is that the trait they chose to focus on? When I hear Elliott call her “brainwreck” my first thought isn’t “wow, he’s making fun of her for not remembering her past”, it’s “wow, he’s making fun of her for hearing voices.” It’s not even logical for that to be the thing that he and Bangalore are pointing out by calling her names, because like...who does that?? I don’t think even awful abelists do that. If they wanted to target her amnesia, they’d use completely different language. Brainwreck I can kinda see tying into her amnesia, but how does “headcase” relate back to that?? Literally, how??

Basically, when given the chance to address the abelism thrown at Wraith, they focus on the one thing that’s not the issue, rather than the thing that everyone points out is what makes her a mentally ill icon. And you might say, “but Screech, but it’s not a mental illness, the voices are real!” And to that I say, then why in the hell did they lean so heavily into mental illness imagery and her reacting negatively to the voices as if they are true hallucinations?? It’s just plain inconsistent, and almost feels like they don’t really want to tackle psychosis (in which case they are COWARDS, other devs have proved you can do that in a video game), so instead they focus on her amnesia and call it a day.

Dude. That’s totally not it in any way. What are you doing. What is my life. What is this GAME.

...anyways I hope all of that makes sense.

[formless-monkeys]

What is your favorite relationship(s) in the show (romantically or platonically, doesn’t matter!)

Anon you will regret opening pandora’s box. Or not. In any case, this post is going to be very long because I’m full of love. Also, anything marked romantic does not need to be romantic for me to lose my shit over them. In no particular order, either. Just in the order I thought of them.

1. The Black-eyed trio

Characters: Otto, Sparx, and Gibson.

Type: Platonic, Romantic,

Explanation: These three are grouped together by virtue of not being obscenely powerful and serving more practical uses on the team. Also, their eyes are all the same color. Besides the poetic connections of the colors of their design, they were alone in the robot together while the other three monkeys were out training.

Sparx and Gibson’s interactions give me life, going from playful jabs to genuine fighting right back to ride-or-die is amazing. The beginning of Night Of Fear, the battles in Brothers In Arms, and a bunch of small moments throughout the series are wonderful for this.

I could write an essay about Otto and Gibson, and someone else already has, but I’ll summarize it as ADHD autism solidarity with a side of Shut The Fuck Up Gibson. They care about each other and learn to respect each other in a way that’s better for both of them. I know a real-life Gibson to my Otto and learning that she’s just pretentious and doesn’t really hate anyone, and figuring out that we’re both equally brilliant and incredibly similar has made life a million times better.

Otto and Sparx don’t have as much development as Gibson with both of them, but their jokes together and general trust is amazing. Sparx is the dumb monkey and Otto supports him in his himbo endeavors. 

These three together make an unstoppable technical team, and the only reason they probably couldn’t be a superhero team on their own is because of the raw power and fun dynamics brought by the other half of the team. 

Romantically, these three would make the DUMBEST polycule ever. There is no true mediator here. It’s three dumbasses figuring out how they could possibly share a twin-sized bed when they have the ability to just make a bigger bed. Gibson calculates the most efficient 3 monkey makeout and none of them follow the statistics. They all give Chiro equally useless and conflicting advice on homework. Trying to give them a mediator in the polycule just makes me go back to shipping polymonkeys because I literally can’t decide if Antauri or Nova go better with them.

2. Quiet trust and encouragement

Characters: Otto, Antauri

Type: Platonic, Romantic

Explanation: When Otto is being dismissed by the other monkeys, or by the show itself, Antauri is usually the first to say “that’s bullshit, Otto is wonderful”. Circus Of Ooze is a notable example, but there are little moments in other seasons as well. 

I just love the idea of the historically MOST SERIOUS and strongest monkey, sometimes even elevated to god-like status by some fanworks... paired with the monkey that has been infantilized and disrespected to no end. I personally like making Antauri have to lean on Otto, just to subvert that even further. 

Beyond spite, I ship this simply because I like their dynamic. Antauri needs someone to ground him with more tactile physical things, and Otto needs someone to share his more nebulous thoughts I can’t imagine the others listening to. I love them.

Also, I want Antauri to unlock his true dumbass potential. He has the abilities, but not the will. Be silly with Otto. I want to hear him snort-laugh.

I literally forgot all the silver monkey stuff but I got three fics about that you know I go nuts over mechanic x robot shit.

3. The monkeys and their human son.

Characters: Chiro, Antauri, Nova, Sparx, Gibson, Otto

Type: Familial

Explanation: This family gives me joy. They were forced together through astronomical means and they made the best of it. 

Everyone living in the robot is absolutely fucked up. They help each other in the darkest of times. They lift each other up when it’s light. They are a perfect team and nobody can be missing without it feeling wrong. But they can add people!

“Girl Trouble” as a concept is AMAZING to me but my secondhand embarrassment is so strong that I hate the episode. But never once is any of the monkeys resentful of Chiro. Not even Mandarin is like “wow I wish he didn’t take my place” no he’s also struck with the urge to nurture this kid to his fullest potential. Whether you see the team as a bunch of older siblings or 4 dads and a mom doesn’t really matter, they’re a family.

I mean, this also has a sprinkling of shipping all the monkeys in a really domestic way because I like seeing my optimal future in characters I like, but like literally all of these, it doesn’t need to be romantic for me to go nuts. I just think it would be fun to throw just a big monkey wedding or whatever. And funnier for Antauri to go “Chiro I’m having a baby. The baby is you” and holding up adoption papers because on the principle of Toby “Radiation” Fox I love that joke, especially when made much less weird than the original context.

I have a set of characters who is just 5 people in a polycule raising kids and living life because I really love this concept as a family.

4. Evil Coworkers

Characters: Mandarin, Sakko

Type: Romantic, Platonic,

Explanation: Why the hell are these two, in particular, working together? SK could’ve put Mandarin with literally anybody else and he chose what on the surface appears to be the LEAST compatible person on the account that they’re both monkeys. Some bitter asshole who now looks like the epitome of toxic masculinity and this tiny pink pet who used his femininity both as an advantage and a style. They’re different but it ends up working really well for both of them because they’re different in ways that cover each other’s bases. It’s wonderful. Pink and Orange go well together. Green and Purple go well together. Mandarin and Sakko go well together. Also, they clearly trust each other. During almost the entirety of “Hidden Fortress” Sakko was presumably just chilling inside of Mandarin’s armor. Mandarin trusted him enough to have Sakko in a place where he’s able to mess with his cybernetics, and Sakko trusted Mandarin enough to go into the battlefield with him and probably get tossed around.

If they were both human and in a more modern media, then they would definitely be shipped in the straightest way you can get without actually being straight. The Straightest Gay Ship. 

5. A Witch and her Accidental Evil Coworker

Characters: Skelemandarin, Valeena.

Type: Platonic, Romantic, 

Explanation: These two have been through some shit. Skelemandy was made to serve Skeleton King only to have that purpose yanked away from him. Valeena was groomed to idolize and serve Skeleton King for nearly her entire life. They were forced together by SHEER CHANCE and they both hated it. Arguably they both died at some point. 

They both have absolutely NOBODY they can trust so let’s make them trust each other. All hilarity and sweetness comes from that. 

Their dynamic is so good that I have them on a blog for a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FANDOM and people love them with no context. 

This is the only cross-species ship I have (besides chinmay and the antauri ships but that doesn’t count), but the fact that Skelemandy isn’t actually a monkey and needs no cybernetic assistance to be human-level sentient makes it a lot less weird. Just put them on equal ground power-wise (like by nerfing Valeena’s magic) and you have the ingredients for bonding. 

They have like, no cute moments in canon, but that’s why we have fics and art. They have potential. I want them to help each other figure out who they are without their purpose. I want them to survive this horrible life together. I want them to figure out how to trust again. I want a lot but Valeena is fucking dead.

But she doesn’t have to be.

(Also Valeena is REALLY HOT and Skelemandarin is just me as a monkey)

6. Gay Dads

Characters: The Alchemist, Captain Shuggazoom

Type: Romantic, Platonic

Explanation: Oh my stars. Oh null. Oh me oh my hhougfhfakjghf. These two have the angst of Mantauri but on crack. 

They only appeared in about two episodes each and all three episodes are top tier. They call each other “Friend” multiple times in their shared episode. THEY’RE FRIENDS!!!!!!!!! The face Al makes when he realizes that Cap is visiting makes me really happy. The fact that Cap had this whole Batman Double Life thing and he shows the Alchemist BOTH OF THEM is amazing. The alchemist is a hermit living in the woods and he lets Cap into that life. 

There isn’t a lot shown, much less than everything else here. But that makes every single fanfic so much richer since they’re almost completely based on headcanons. Friends who have a mutual crush on each other but are No Homo about it? Secret boyfriends? Husbands with 6 monkey kids? An Old man and a grumpy Skeleton making it work? Literally just platonic friends? Dude, you can do whatever you want. 

The tragedy of these two losing each other to one big horrible event crushes me. It influences my every move in my creative work. I have an entire character dedicated to reuniting these two in the most astronomical and ridiculous way possible because the alchemist angered the gods but she thinks he needs some company in his eternal punishment.

I want Clayton to unlock Al’s less serious, more fun side. I want them to work together. I want them to hold hands. GHGHGHDFBG UTTHTYE CNAZSNT EBCV ASUA ER

7. The girl power duo

Characters: Nova, Jinmay

Type: Familial

Explanation: These two were my only comfort during the uncomfortable nightmare that is “The Hills Have Five”

Nova was the one who trained Jinmay, and it seems like they hang out a lot offscreen in season 4. They fulfill the early 2000′s cartoon archetypes of girl and Girl, so they’re supposed to get along. If they didn’t I probably wouldn’t like Jinmay.

Nova is a really good big sister/parental figure to Jinmay, who never had any family to speak of. 

Anyway, this entry has to be shorter because most of their bonding is in “The Hills Have Five” which is either #1 or #2 in my least favorite episode list. Not because it’s bad, but because it makes me viscerally uncomfortable. I really wish literally any other character than Jinmay was in her role in that episode. Or that the “taken to an offscreen area by an adult man while she screams” just wasn’t there. SHE’S 13!!! Nova did literally all she could to help. 

I really like that scene in questionable where Valeena kills almost the entire gang. It’s what they deserve.

Look I just really like Jinmay and I always have. She deserves a good Mom.

8. "My Second In Command”

Characters: Antauri, Mandarin

Type: Theoretical

Explanation: The fandom has really made this ship go from “literally nothing to stand on” to “integral plot point in a lot of fics”. Seriously. I have TWO screenshots that vaguely imply these two ever stood next to each other on the battlefield. This was entirely title-based and fan-made until ProjectAfectivity interviewed Ciro. Yeah he knows Antauri but only as well as the rest of the team. Anyway. Wow. This ship.

This is by far the worst breakup in history. These two, despite what Antauri says, were on equal ground at some point. According to Ciro (and fan speculation), they trained together. This (and other Mandy ship) changes wildly depending on if you think Mandarin was corrupted by the portal or not. Maybe Mandarin was once a kind leader who just crossed the wrong boundaries and paid for it. He could’ve held Antauri gently before battle. He could’ve been the monkey Antauri went to when he needed someone to talk to. He could’ve hyped the team up like Chiro does.

Or maybe, they were constantly fighting against each other in small ways. An incredibly unhealthy relationship, yes, but an interesting story. I like stories where Antauri isn’t this all-knowing pillar of stability. He’s got weaknesses. One of them may have been Mandarin.

Now that’s a good nickname from one to the other.

Imagine Antauri, in a moment of complete trust, declaring Mandarin his weakness. A sweet sentiment. They both know the other is incredibly strong, and trust that the other would never take advantage of that connection. They love each other. Until...

9. "My Closest Ally”

Characters: Otto, Mandarin

Type: Theoretical

Explanation: Okay I'm looking at the screenshot I put for this entry while also having watched Evil Ages recently. My brain is making uncomfortable connections. Combine that with the fandom and the show’s general treatment of Otto and I’m about to slam my head into a wall. I really do not like that, but I feel like there’s somebody out there who does. 

Anyway, this is Gibotto and Ottauri but with all the spice that shipping Mandarin with one of the other monkeys brings. When done well, it’s all the respecting Otto that comes with Ottauri and all the intimate partnership of Gibotto. And the Angst of Mantauri, but a lot more grounded. 

It paints a lot of stories. A story of a single point of comfort in a world Mandarin thinks is out to get him. A story of powerful validation from the one authority in Otto’s life. Of letting your guard down. Of trust, then breaking that trust.

I’d LOVE to see some things with Mandottotauri because that’s epic and cool and poggers. Don’t see a lot, though.

10.The Hets, I guess.

Characters: Jinmay, Chiro. 

Type: Romantic. Platonic. Canon.

Explanation: Look two entries on this list are polyamorous and four of them are mandarin so I have to say SOMETHING for the heteroes following me. Picked this ship over Spova because when I was a young child still suffering from comphet, I never watched the last episode of the show. I only saw up to season 3 at the most. This was the only canon ship for me. And out of all the ships, it’s the most relatable. I’m currently a teenager with black hair who looks really good in eyeliner dating a girl with pink hair who can pick me up and is unbelievably sweet. Except we’re gay and polyam. Wait a second I totally had a crush on Jinmay as a kid and now my gf is the Jinmay in this situation. Oh my god I was going to make this comparison if I did Spova too and I liked Nova.

ANYWAY

These are two LONELY kids. Chiro had bullies during school, and now he doesn’t even go to school. Jinmay hasn’t really had friends at all. Two kids with places in their universe that they aren’t too sure about, and just need someone to lean on. Their date was cute. They instantly bonded over their love of monkeys and I love that. 

The super robot is sometimes an analog for Chiro, in the first two season at least, and the way the super robot held Jinmay’s hands to keep her steady on the COB while her head flew in was SO SWEET. Chiro’s instant recognition and reaction to Jinmay’s head being thrown at the team, as well. He really loves her.

I think it’d be interesting if she didn’t love him back, though. I might take a stab at writing that.

[februaryberries]

Study (?) tips that you don’t see on every study post

Hi gamers, I just finished my first year at college/university!!

This year was really a struggle for me because I was trying to get the help I needed for my mental health, and I did not succeed until literally the week before finals spring term. I just got diagnosed w ADHD and put on meds (thank god) and I’m excited for the next year to come.

Though this year was absolutely grueling I did discover some little tips that can really help ! This is coming from my experience w ADHD but it could relate to other neurodiverse learners as well ! Even if you are neurotypical some of these might help !! 

This post got really long so I’m gonna put it under the cut but, main Idea is bolded w a more in depth explanation underneath ( for those like me who see a block of text and go running)

In no particular order:

If you can/are up for it take a class before noon even if you are not a morning person. I am NOT saying take an 8am when u regularly go to bed at 4am! Bc that is dumb bb pls get some sleep. In my experience once I go to class my brain is like “oh things are happening now, it is actually a day and not just existing in a timeless hellscape.”

Once I am out of bed/out of my room I am at least mildly more productive for the rest of the day. Going to a class before noon means you are up and doing things for the day and early enough that you still have light. This ties into the next one

Start while it’s still light out!! At least for me I gain so much happiness from natural light/sunlight, and it is very hard for me to do things let alone START things once it’s dark out because my brain is like nope the day is over now. Plus in the fall/winter days days are getting shorter and shorter so it’s important to make use of as much daylight as you can. I feel like a plant w how much I rely on light to survive but it really does help! 

Put on ‘Real People’ clothes. This is something that really helps me, even if it’s just like, jeans and a turtleneck, maybe tucked in w a belt. I’ve found that when I put on academic-y clothes or like Adult clothes it helps me switch my brain into school mode. It’s kinda like putting on a uniform for work? If I’m in too loose of clothes or like pyjamas for example, I’m much less likely to be able to switch my brain into productive mode. For me especially its when i’m wearing tighter clothing rather than baggy ones? Like i said a turtleneck which like the sleeves are fitted to my arms, and jeans or pants that are fitted to my legs. I think it helps because it makes me more aware of my body in the space? Idk.  figure out what real people clothes feel like to you, and then have a couple of go to outfits you can slip on when you’ve been in a hoodie and sweatpants all day and really need to get some work done. 

On that note, put on shoes. For me along w the tight clothing, I do better in shoes, specifically ones that lace up and can be tight. Like hightop converse, or boots, or even dress shoes w laces. I think in a way my body needs to be contained so I can focus on something? I’m not sure why I feel like that but i’ve learned to work w it. Putting on shoes for me helps because

1. I’m not distracted by what I’m putting my bare feet on (i cannot stand wearing socks unless im wearing shoes so yes bare feet)

2. I’m not getting distracted by my floor n the fact that hey maybe i should sweep bc there are some crumbs sticking to my feet now.

And 3. You put on shoes when you are going to go outside and go somewhere. It’s like putting pyjamas on to go to bed, you’re brain associates those items with doing something, so putting on shoes can signal to your brain hey we are doing something now, and that something is work.

Talk to your teachers !! I understand sometimes you have a teacher from hell and honestly idk what to tell you at that point but in  a lot of cases teachers can be very understanding !! The amount of support I’ve gotten from my teachers this year is absolutely insane and 100% the only thing that made it so I didn’t get kicked out of college. Like reaching out to your teachers shows that you care! if you have to take a mental health day sometimes let them know !! i would always let my teacher know that I really wanted to be in class but I just couldn’t handle it that day. They also can help connect you to resources you didn’t know about ! 

Look into what resources your school has !! I was talking about how next year is gonna go now that I’ve been diagnosed and such with my friend, and how I was gonna contact the DRC (disability resource center) and she didn’t know you could get support for having ADHD!! Like I know you can get extensions on due dates, attendance forgiveness, and even potentially note taking assistance when you have ADHD and talk to them. even if you are medicated it doesn’t 100% solve everything and there are still ways to get support! Whether its study groups, writing centers/support, tutoring, or even contacting your drc or whatever your school has, it can really help!! I’m definitely going to take advantage of these resources if I can next year ! 

Find a place outside you can go to clear your head (or have a mental breakdown) 

I can’t even begin to count the amount of times i’ve been freaking out over something or stressed out of my mind and my room started to feel to stuffy and claustrophobic and i just needed to get OUT. try to make sure it’s somewhere safe and close that you can go to even at night. (maybe try to shoot a text to your best friend that you’re out and if you don’t let them know you’re home by a certain time to start raising alarm, your safety is the most important) I tend to like to be up high because i’m further away from people, and the streets and I’m closer to the sky.

My go to thinking/breakdown spot is the roof of the parking garage a block away. It has stairs that are easy access and the top levels are usually empty even during the day. It really helps me to just go out and listen to music and collect my thoughts sometimes. My head can start going a million directions at lightspeed and I need to stop and be present, and being outside helps. It’s a good way to regroup.

Spend 10 minutes picking up your desk/work space. I tend to let my room get cluttered and messy and out of control a lot, to the point where I know it’s going to take at least a couple hours to get it clean again. It is also hard to focus when you’re in a messy environment. I would stress myself out and be like “well i HAVE to clean my whole room because I can’t focus if my space isnt clean I cant start until I clean” and then I would put all of my productive energy into cleaning, and get maybe halfway done before burning out and going to bed.

You’re never going to get any work done if you keep in this mindset. So instead just spend 10 minutes picking up the garbage off your desk, put the dishes in the kitchen, and put things back in their place. Then you will have enough space to work on your assignment and that space will be free of clutter so it won’t be as stressful. 

DRINK WATER DRINK WATER DRINK WATER

Have a water bottle in front of you when you’re studying/in class. I get fidgety a lot when i’m in class/studying (thank u adhd) and so having a water bottle is a way for me to fidget I guess? Depending on the water bottle, you have little steps you have to do to drink that help u fidget,

for example: pick it up, take off the lid, drink, put the lid back on, set it down.

Or pick up, push button that opens drink hole (?), set back down.

When I have a water bottle on my desk it satisfies my need to do something with my body and comes with the bonus of staying hydrated, without me having to lose focus doing something else. Also you won’t get distracted by a sore throat or the realization that you are really thirsty.

Pay attention to why you’re not paying attention. Not everything that works for me is going to work for you, so you have to figure out what works for you. I started to notice that I would be uncomfortable or feel funny working when I was in baggy clothes and that helped me figure out I needed to wear real people clothes. If you find yourself getting distracted, take note of what is distracting you. maybe try literally making a list of things that distract you, so then you can identify patterns and how to combat them !

That’s all I have for now, I hope some of these could maybe help? All of these have helped me actually complete an assignment occasionally, and somehow keep my ass in college. I just want to say that my experience is my own and things that work for me aren’t going to work on every one. college can be really tough, especially your first year when you’re trying to figure everything out. I may not have all the answers but feel free to shoot me a message!! i’m here for you if you want to ramble about an assignment you’re fed up with or a teacher you hate or anything thats bothering you !! Everyone’s college (and life) experience is different so don’t feel bad if yours doesn’t look the same as the people around you ! Remember to take care of yourselves !!!

Have a good day :)

[himbo-buckley]

Do you have any adhd!Buck headcannons?

Hello Friend 🥰

I’m being dumb right now, do you mean headcanon in the sense of meta reasons why I consider him ADHD or headcanons as in how it shows?

Because I have both!!!

And they overlap a little, yay!

First of we have his love for carbs because I am assuming he is unmedicated and lots of people with ADHD self-medicate through food and specifically sugar (also known as carbs) (also tendency to impulsively eat)

Also sleeping around? I know I read somewhere ADHD people can have a problem with sex because sex takes focus which is something that really resonated with me but also - doesn’t have to be true for everyone, right? And honestly pilot!Buck was so impulsive when it came to sex!

Also his whole thing with regulating emotions? Very ADHD of him 🥰😍

Hmmm, what else?

I already mentioned him being bad at focusing on verbal explanations, I’m assuming he also has ... very little sense of direction? Like, someone will explain to him how to get from place A to place B and he’ll smile and nod along and just walk around the next corner because that person said like 5 sentences in a row and he stopped understanding after the second word!

But like, all the hyperfocusing in Wikipedia and Google, okay? Buck will google pandas for a school project for Christopher and suddenly it’s 3 am and he has to get up in 2h and he is knee deep in an article about the spanish-american war!

Also all his working out, he needs to work out to get rid of the feeling of restlessness that hits especially on slow days

Which is one of the only things he hates about being a firefighter that he is stuck inside a house if they aren’t out on a call because the restlessness is so much easier to deal with when he is outside, where the air is fresh(-ish) and he doesn’t feel the walls closing in with the need to move

Also based on all the skipping he does, less of a fidgeter and more of a constant dancer! There is always a song stuck in his head and while Buck doesn’t sing and can barely keep a tune while huming his shoulders shimmy along and his fingers drum and his feet walk to the beat playing in his head

(The need to sometimes do turns and shit is very hard to suppress at times but boy, Chimney - I chew gum to deal with MY ADHD - would have a field day)

Not sure if he ever got tested, because while he is canonicaly bad with authority (the SEALs) he never showed the “obvious” attitude problems people (teachers/pediatricians) search for when diagnosing children with ADHD, so either he had a lot of therapy (but Season 1 says nah) or he learned to deal in his own, meaning loads of internalisation of his issues!

And of course he likes video games because those are just perfect for people with focusing problems! So much happening! So many bright colours and so much movement but still designed to not cause sensory overload! He strives playing games!

Also the job? Great for ADHD! The adrenalin helps with the focus and his associative thinking and the fact that his brain is bad at filtering (meaning he takes in more at a time) makes him perfect for a cataloguing what’s going on and finding quick out of the box solutions

Anyways, I’d love to talk more about this, but sadly we are nearing midnight over here in good old Europe and my carriage is about to turn back into a pumpkin, soooooo talk some more tomorrow?

Anyways, I loved this ask!!!