#but as far as i'm concerned you don't need to be either to experience excitement very intensely and physically
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nobody asked but i want everyone to know that when i draw karlach doing a happy tail thrash, it's stimming. i'm drawing her happy flapping. i'm not trying to compare karlach to a dog (or, rather, i'm not trying to condescend to her or minimize her pain or awareness or intelligence). i think everyone knows she's got big feelings and she's a very physically emotive and fidgety person (we've all seen her little dance) so it just makes sense to me that she would vent her excitement physically somehow.
also it's what i would do if i had a tail. i'm stuck using my hands lmao
#i don't even know if i headcanon her as adhd/tistic. i know whatever she's got it's deeply undiagnosed#but as far as i'm concerned you don't need to be either to experience excitement very intensely and physically#i just saw a post going around in my periphery about not taking karlach's character nuance seriously#and using 'hehe doggy' as an example of that. make no mistake. that is not what i'm doing here#i seek to portray what i see and project on her. not to infantilize her#loquor#i know i don't need to justify myself to anyone either. i think i just got a little tetchy about the insinuation that#you can't be both worth taking seriously and portrayed expressing excitement. particularly in a nd way but it's not about that really#like. stimming and flapping aren't inherently childish behaviours. you can do them while harbouring darkness within.#i'm not judging anyone for disagreeing with my interpretation btw. all i ask is that you open your mind#i'm taking karlach just as seriously as anyone. you can love karlach angst#i also love karlach angst! i just choose to portray it differently. she's running the fuck away from her problems#and surrounding herself with positive vibes to drown out the darkness. i thought we were all on the same page that that was what she does#not undiagnosed bc therapy doesnt exist in the forgotten realms. undiagnosed bc youll never catch her ass confronting her problems#but yeah. this isn't a callout#or an attack#this is an invitation to think about stuff and what it means to you
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𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤 𝐢𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐞
Charles Leclerc x reader
Word count: 2.7k
Summary: Sending your boyfriend alone with his friends to Ibiza shouldn't be a problem, right?
Warnings: Angst, mentions of cheating, slightly toxic relationship (or maybe a lot)
Notes: Angst is all I can write right now so here is some for you all. I just wanted to clear everything up with the pictures as well. I did not intent to include the girls in the story. The girls mentioned in the story is made up people but since it's so much easier to find pictures with them and Charles I chose to have the pictures. This is a bit messy but I tried
Summer break was made for relaxation, made to spend time with family and friends, made for rest. It was suposed to be a break from the hectic reality, a break from all the different surroundings and traveling. A break from formula one.
However summer break didn't feel like any of those things for you. No it was nothing that at all. All it was was hurt, stress and heartbreak. Anger and betrayal, no time to rest and no relaxation.
A fucking mess was what it was.
Charle's eyes were wide blown, like he were a kid caught doing something he shouldn't and it was pretty accurate, he had been caught
"Don't look at me like that" you spat at him, feeling anger brewing in your veins after you'd found him stood on your doorstep, begging you to talk, fucking talk
You didn't need to talk you needed to scream, punch or at least kick something. Your anger needed to get an outlap from your body, trapped in your clenched fists.
His adorably sad face made your frustrations hit the roof.
You stood far away as he stepped into your condo, only in your pj's as it was too fucking early in the morning.
Your whole body hurt as he did those small things he always did at your house, like taking off his shoes and neatly putting them to the right of your door and changing the date on the small date-decoration you had on the hallwaybench. Something so domestic didn't feel right anymore, he had betrayed the right.
You had been with him for a year by now, a year of exciting travels, experiences, love and adoration. He had been your closest person for a long time, having had you under his wing and you genuienly thought he would be the one to the end. The one you'd end up marry and have a family with, the one to the end.
But oh how things can turn
"You're really about to let him go with his friends to Ibiza just like that?"
You shrugged at Carmen who stood over you on the sofa, her hands on her hips looking like a scolding parent. Her face was showed suprise, eyebrows raised and mouth in tight line.
"I don't know what I can do about it, he wants to go, I can't" you simplified, met with her shaking of the head. Letting you know she didn't think this was a good idea, didn't approve of it.
"What? You don't trust him?" you asked, looking her in the eyes, a rush of concern errupting in your body. "Do you?" she countered seriously
You sat up, shrugging your shoulders again, an unsettling feeling in your body "I don't know, I mean I really should, we've been together for a year"
"That's not a yes sweetie"
You groaned, throwing you head back "Ugh I don't know, I still can't get Ana out of my head you know"
"I know and I can't either, that's why I'm sceptical" "Well fine but that was a a year ago, straight in the start in our relationship, I wanna think he wouldn't do anything like it again" you spoke
"Okay, okay, it's your relationship" Carmen nodded, finally sitting down next to you in the sofa. "I don't wanna worry you y/n, all is that I care about you and that I want you to be happy and he just.. he screwed up once so I can't trust him"
The sigh that left your mouth was heavy, you knew she was right but you didn't want to admit it. You had been together for long, trying to push the warning signals to the ground, maybe it was time to see them for real.
"Well what to do, let's hope he dosen't screw this up" you sighed, dusting the dirt of your pants before standing up, looking at your friend who stroppily looked back at you "Again" she snarled
Wagsgossip
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Wagsgossip Charles Leclerc seen with multiply different women, women who is clearly not his girlfriend Y/n.
Charles Leclerc reportedly left to Ibiza with some friends and co-drivers on the grid this monday. Leclercs girlfriend Y/n, who he has been dating for around a year was not with the group to Ibiza despite the fact that many of the other guys have their missus with them. Rumours about the pair has been spread over the course of the last few weeks regarding a possible break up but nothing has been official if that's the case.
Pictures have been spread all over internet of Leclerc now cozying up to multitude different girls, wonder how this will reach Y/n
What do you think of this?
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f1lovees OMG what is he DOING?!
justanInchident No Leclec, no
charcharles finally
f1111 He fumbled
chacha Please tell me this isn't true
Carmen was at the door before you even had the time to gather your head around the articles that traveled all over the internet. You'd felt it coming, felt it since he took the step onto that fucking plane, you knew this was it. You should have known better, he was who he was, like he was, he was an ass.
Charles were sweet and loving, soft and calm. He was fun to be around and when things were good between you he was someone you could picture forever with. The only thing was that when he fumbled, he fumbled hard.
The first weeks into your relationship one of those situations had accured, he had seen this girl, behind your back a bit into your relationship. You should have put the breaks in then, but you hadn't. Forgiven and forgotten you'd said.
Now you regretted that.
You should have ended it before it even started after that fuck-up but you didn't, too smitten by his adorable smile and light mood. You got to pay the price.
And you did because now you stood here like an idiot.
-
Carmen stormed into your apartment, steam practically brewing from her ears as she let out a shout of frustration. "I told you! I told you you couldn't trust the fucker!"
You huffed, not knowing what to say or do, it wasn't rage, not sadness, no all you felt were emptiness, maybe a tad of embarrassment.
"He is such an idiot! I can't believe him!"
"Carmen calm down, it's fine. I guess"
"It's not fucking fine! Come on Y/n! He cheated on you! He made a complete fool out of you!" she spoke, her eyes so wide you worried they were gonna pop out of her skull.
Like on cue George stormed into your small condo, seemingly out of breath and clutching his stomach. "Shit, I'm so sorry Y/n, I tried to make her give you some space but she ran... fast"
You couldn't help but let out a small giggle at your friends. It felt weird in your body, not knowing what was going on, knowing your relationship would end. You didn't know how to react.
George sat down next to you in the sofa, taking your computer who sat next to you with the articles open. "I can't actually believe it" George muttered to himself as he scrolled to the hundred different articles and pictures that was circling around.
"I'm sorry but why aren't you more upset?!" Carmen spoke harshly, George shooting her a disaproving look "I mean, I am upset but it just feels like... I knew I had it coming"
"What?" Geogre echeod Carmen "I don't know, it just feels like our whole relationship is built on false hope, on false trust. Like since our rocky beginning I knew deep down something like this would get the best of us. I knew he would fuck up again and since the idea of Ibiza came up I don't know... I just felt it coming"
"Are you not mad at all?" George asked shocked but you laughed coldly at his question
"Of course I'm fucking pissed. Lets face it, the man tricked me into false hopes and false trust. He made me feel loved and comfortable only to go and jump the closest girl the second I'm not there. He made me look like a fucking fool in front of the media, not once, not twice but for all this year. Fucking hell, I can't believe I've actually been this blind, stupid love eyes" you grumbled, facinated by your own realization
"Finally" carmen sighed out, looking at you with a soft smile.
"So, what are you gonna do about it? Has he even contacted you about it?" George asked, propping his elbows on his knees, leant forward in the sofa. "No, he hasn't. He's probably to gushed with some chick down in Ibiza to even see all the notifications and articles. But when he do, well then he's gonna hear it all" Just as on cue your phone started ringing, the tone making you flinch up from the sofa. You didn't touch it, just stared at the phone which showed you Charles contact.
The ringing stopped, replaced by a never ending buzz as he sent you message after message and Carmen sighed
"Do you want us to stay?"
You shook your head "No, it's fine, thank you though, for coming so soon" you smiled, hugging both of them before walking them out the door.
When the door locked it felt like someone poured a bucket with ice-cold water over your head. Fuck.
This was the reality, this was actually happening. A sick feeling settled to your stomach, how could he do this? Why would he do this? Everything had been great, hadn't it?
You swallowed thickly before walking back to the sofa, settling in it, your knees to your chest as you put on the tv, hoping the sounds would distractract your wandering mind.
Soon enough you couldn't ignore your phone anymore, the never ending buzzing and ringinging on boardeline to drive you crazy.
"Yes Charles?" You spat down the phone, drowned by a hundred words at once. He shouted down everything he could down the phone and you could only make out certain words from the blur.
"We are not talking about this on the phone" you cut him off firmly. "Fuck, okay but I'm not home in another few hours, please stay there, I can explain"
"Just stop talking until you're here" you muttered, clicking him off and throwing your phone to the other end of the sofa.
The night was chilly, cold and lonely. Despite your gut feeling, despite his fuck-ups you loved the guy and had done for a long while so to sit here facing the truth that he apparently didn't, or at least didn't care enough to treat you with respect was though, harsh and heartbreaking. To think of everything you'd done for him, all the travels and extra work to get school done whilst supporting him. All the sacrafices and this was how he treated you. It was unfair.
Charles were on your step the first thing the morning after, not reading the situation at all because you were tired. Hadn't slept a wink and not in the mood for an altercation before coffee and breakfast.
But Charles were Charles after all. Storming into your condo and sitting firmly in your sofa like he was protesting before you could.
- "Well then, say what you need to say and then get the fuck out" you spat, the early morning not helping your hurt feelings as you opted to sit in the armchair, far away from him, arms folded over your chest.
He looked nervous as hell but he should be, he fucked up after all and this time it was all on him.
"Well... I just.. I'm really sorry, I-I didn't mean to-to"
"To fucking what Charles? You didn't mean to fuck her or you didn't mean to hurt me?"
"Well, both"
"Ah, how classic, is that all you have to say? You didn't mean too?"
Charles took a deep breath, swallowing all the words, accepting his fate because you were right, he'd fucked up big time, so big this was unfixable regardless of how much he wanted it to be fixable.
"Come on then, defend yourself, say what you needed to say so badly.
Charles bit his bottom lip, something you found annoying at the moment, but used to find so hot. His eyes fleeted around the floor, not daring to meet yours.
"I don't know what to say... I fucked up, okay! I did and I don't know what to say about it, It was a mistake but it happened!" You saw red at his raised voice, his voice accusing like you were the one causing problems, like it was your fault because you didn't forgive him and it made you furious.
"Lower your fucking voice" you growled at him, pinning him with your eyes as you spoke slowly but firmly. "You did fuck up, so bad, to the point were there are no return. I said that, but still you wanted to talk to me and explain. I'm giving you the opportuinty to talk so explain, nicely or leave me the fuck alone"
Another sigh left his mouth as he lowered his gaze again, having the heart to atleast look sheepish. He knew you, he loved you, knew you would never forgive him for this, loved you for that, for having that respect for yourself.
"I just wanna know why, Charles. Why did you cheat? What am I lacking? What needed to change? Was it me? Us? Or are you just an selfish fucking bastard, have you been using me this whole time? Talking me into this. Fuck I should have listened to my gut with Ana"
Charles shook his head quickly, his eyes so big he could be misstaken for an alien. "No, no I haven't used you! I just... I don't know, okay! I can't explain it, you weren't there and my mind didn't work right and it happened. I love you, I really do and I haven't lied-" "Don't fucking say you love me!" you spat at him, standing up, over this conversation since he clearly had nothing of value to say.
"But I do! I really do!" he promsied "Fuck off Charles! If you loved me you wouldn't have treated me like this, you wouldn't have held me in this relationship, built my hopes nor let me make the sacrifices I have done for you, for us! You wouldn't have talked to the media about me like I was worth nothing and you for sure wouldn't have cheated on me, multiply times!" you close to shouted, arms out from your sides in defeat.
"I don't know what you thought to achieve coming here today Charles, talk me into another chance? I don't know, I don't care but this is over" Charles met your glossy eyes, his own glazing over as his head dropped. "I am sorry" he whispered, standing up from the couch and walking towards you. If you had the energy you would move away but you felt drained, drained from all energy and all emotions.
His lips met your temple, forehead resting against the side of your head for a moment before he whispered "I'm sorry" and leaving.
Leaving you and your relationship behind.
yourusename
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yourusername Life lately 😋
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Y/nstaan You go girl
F1worlds Y/n in her revenge era 😮💨
waags Love her sm, she deserves better
carmenmundt Lovee it!
georgerussell63 Y/nnnn
pierregasly 😮💨😮💨
#f1 imagine#f1 imagines#f1#f1 fanfic#f1 fanfiction#ferrari#charles leclerc#charles leclerc x reader#charles leclerc imagine#charles leclerc imagines#charles leclerc fanfic#charles leclerc fanfiction#charles leclerc fluff#charles leclerc angst#charles leclerc oneshot#f1 oneshot#scuderia ferrari
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I feel like a kid on Christmas. I'm finally making some real use of my 3DS being homebrewed. I figured out how to install my 3DS cartridges onto the console so I don't need the carts to play. I also figured out NDS game forwarding, so I can have icons for those too. What you're looking at is every mainline Zelda game that the 3DS can run. Every one from Zelda 1 to Four Swords, and the handhelds from there onward. It's only the Wii U and Switch ones that I can't play here on my little ol' gold Zelda New 3DS XL. This is so epic. Mind you I've owned all of these since 2015. It's just having them all here without needing the carts that makes me so excited.
I've also packed Ocarina of Time 3D and Majora's Mask 3D full of mods for quality of life and to make them just a bit more faithful to the N64 releases. Read below for the mods I've installed! They all work on 3DS, not just Citra!
Nerrel on YouTube has an excellent review of MM3D that points out its severe shortcomings as a faithful remaster of the original. Thankfully, there are multiple mods that fix both gameplay and aesthetic problems.
Project Restoration by Leoetlino, which fixes every gameplay issue and adds even more quality of life features.
N64 OST to 3DS by DeathWrench. Gets rid of the reverb that Grezzo slathered on the soundtrack.
Classic Texture Packs by Solt 11, based on Citra-only mods by Loch Ness Hamster. They make Link's transformations look much more faithful. (I deleted the file for Hylian Link though because I like Grezzo's take on him)
Even if you don't care for the texture packs, Project Restoration easily makes MM3D the best way to experience Majora's Mask, whether on Citra or original hardware.
OoT3D is a much more faithful remaster, with virtually no changes to the gameplay while only enhancing visuals and adding optional QoL features like motion aiming. There are still some areas where it fell short, like how some of the game's horror elements were sanitized. So I threw on a bunch of mods for that too. Most of them are just aesthetic, but two are really game changing. First, the aesthetic.
Invisible Sheikah Stone by Takeshre. They're still there if you need them but don't visually distract anymore. There is a MM3D version, but Citra only.
Art-Faithful Fairies by Takeshre (3DS port by JoesephMother in comments). This one is just neat. Pointy wings!
N64 Dialogue Font by Takeshre. The original font has so much character compared to what Grezzo replaced it with, and now it's back!
Original Dead Hand by Loch Ness Hamster (3DS port by JoesephMother in comments). Finally some of the horror back.
Now the gamechangers.
Standalone Free Cam by Roberto-Nessy. Goodness this breathes some fresh life into the game. As far as Nintendo is concerned, OoT is still the only 3D Zelda to not have free cam. The original 3DS couldn't support one, but the New 3DS and Citra certainly can. Boom bam, free cam!
Unmirror Master Quest by HylianFreddy. Okay so maybe this is just huge and gamechanging to me, but listen. I'm left-handed. I identify so very strongly with Link's character, and it makes me very happy whenever he is left-handed. That said, I dislike that OoT3D and TPHD mirror the game world in their respective hard modes simply because they make Link right-handed. This mod completely fixes the issue for me in OoT3D at least. I actually want to play Master Mode now.
Note that these two are both implemented using a file called "code.ips", so they cannot be used together unless they are merged into one ips file. Which you can do easily with the tool in method 2 of this guide.
So yeah I'm a happy camper. If you use any of the guides or mods I shared and found them cool or helpful, you're welcome! I found them all either by searching for them specifically or combing through the games' pages on Gamebanana.com. Enjoy!
#zelda#the legend of zelda#my own#majora's mask 3d#ocarina of time 3d#nintendo 3ds#3ds homebrew#homebrew
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I'd Burn Every Soul I Knew (If I Thought the Fire Was Warming You)
rk boys (Nines, Connor, Sixty) x Reader
Chapter "One" - In Medias Res
Word Count: 3,169
Welcome to the first part of my new series, the title of which is listed above (and is also a quote from an unreleased Hozier song lol).
This series will be all three rks x reader, except unlike a normal series, we'll be starting things off randomly from the middle! As the series goes on, we'll go both backward and forward in time to give exposition and make sure there's clarification in various parts! I'm super excited for this, since I've never done anything like it before, and I hope you all enjoy!
Note: For some initial context, know that the boys were never detective androids in this universe, but were rather created for another purpose entirely :)
"We shouldn't leave her alone right now, but she needs to get cleaned off and warmed up, so do you want to stay out here with her, or go draw a bath?"
You could hear Connor's voice distantly, as if he were underwater or several rooms away, and the thought made you scowl, the idea of being any closer to alone than you already were instantly causing your anxiety to spike.
Damn, you really had gotten too used to having them all around.
In front of you, you could scarcely see a thing despite your eyes being open, your vision unfocused and blurry as you tried not to look too closely at either of the men in front of you. You had no interest in taking note of just how blue their usually white shirts were the way you had on the car ride back to your apartment.
"A bath? Have you been paying any attention to her since we got back? She's half delirious, you're basically asking her to pass out and drown in there if she takes one now."
Sixty's voice sounded even further away than Connor's, and you buried your head in your hands at the sound, a persistent and gnawing reminder of the one voice you hadn't heard.
"She needs a bath, Sixty. Put her in a shower and she could end up falling over, which is a far more likely outcome with her in the state she is now."
You heard Sixty scoff in response before footsteps that you felt more than you heard faded away as he presumably made his way towards the bathroom.
Connor on the other hand, walked towards you so gently that you scarcely would have noticed him if it weren't for the way he said your name, quietly and with caution, as if afraid you would shatter at the sound.
You shook your head indignantly, not wanting to look up and see all of the blue blood that had gotten on him earlier, desperate to escape to a reality where none of this was happening.
Connor sighed, his hand coming to rest gently on your shoulder as he spoke,
"I changed already, you don't have to hide."
He murmured, his tone ever so slightly amused but mostly just cajoling as he tried to persuade you to see the truth of his words for yourself.
Slowly, as if the speed of your actions might change the outcome, you lowered your hands from your face, slowly allowing your eyes to glance over the room a few times before finally coming to rest on Connor, who was giving you what you imagined was supposed to be a supportive smile, that just so happened to look much more like concern.
You sighed shakily, murmuring a gentle thanks in response to his thoughtfulness regarding his bloodied clothes. You hadn't expected to be so upset by them, but then again, you'd never expected to see them at all, much less on your androids, and far less from them.
It was a staggering experience to see that they truly weren't invincible. You wished you'd never had to find out at all. At least not the hard way, not like this.
Connor hummed in response to your soft words, reaching down wordlessly to tug at the hem of your shirt, pulling the white button up out of your dress slacks with ease before he raised a questioning brow, asking without words if he could keep going.
You nodded.
It would be far from the first time Connor had seen you mostly or even entirely naked, in fact, they all had at this point, having taken care of you for so long.
You were better now, less weathered by pain and illness thanks to their lingering support, but you couldn't help but almost wish the suffering back to take away the dull ache of fear and uncertainty in your chest.
You had only just finished questioning whether or not the constant discomfort would truly have been worth it when you realized that Connor had removed all but your undergarments from you, folding your stained clothes over his forearm before he took a silent step towards the laundry room just down the hall.
"Don't."
You said, your voice quiet but stern, causing the android in question to halt all movement almost instantly. He turned to face you soon after, his head tilted slightly but his expression one of patience, as if he were willing to wait all day to find out what you were thinking.
You sighed shakily,
"I want you to burn them."
You said, watching as Connor's brow rose before he looked down to the clothing in his hand, clearly not understanding.
You elaborated.
"I don't want to see them again, I couldn't bear to be reminded of..."
You trailed off, but Connor took the opportunity to nod in understanding regardless, placing the clothes on a nearby breakfast bar stool before he approached once more.
"Okay, if that's what you want then I can do it while you're resting later in the evening."
He reasoned, not giving you any time to argue about details before he switched topics entirely.
"Sixty just notified me that your bath is ready. Is there anything you want to bring in with you?"
He asked gently, and you shook your head, far too eager to have the remnants of today washed from your body to care about your comfort.
When you entered the bathroom, Sixty was waiting for you, his hand skimming across the top of the water as he checked the temperature to make sure it was the way you liked it.
"It should be between 99 and 102."
Connor stated matter of factly, causing Sixty to hum dismissively in response.
"I know."
His gaze shifted up from the water's surface to where you were standing.
"Any better?"
He asked, his words brief but their meaning heavy, as per usual when it came to him.
You shook your head silently in response, reaching your hands backward to unclasp your bra as you did so.
Suddenly, without warning, Connor's LED lit up a bright yellow, and he straightened up a bit, brow raised, before making eye contact with Sixty, his tone calm despite how obviously little he enjoyed saying what he was about to say.
"They want someone to come down and answer some questions about Nines. Can you stay with her?"
Sixty seemed to falter for a moment, hand no longer skimming the top of the water as he contemplated the meaning behind what Connor was saying.
If he was considering leaving you here with him alone, than the situation was likely dire enough for it to be worth soothing their emotional human companion.
He nodded.
"Where else would I go?"
This reaction immediately caused Connor to shake his head in response.
"No, I don't just mean at the house, I mean here in the bathroom with her. She has some bruising on her ribs that I didn't notice earlier, so she shouldn't be left alone in the tub."
Sixty's gaze shot over to you, scanning your body for signs of injury until they landed on your left rib cage, where they lingered for quite a few moments before he finally nodded again.
"Yeah, we'll be fine. Just don't let Nines find out or he'll blow a fuse."
The joke was in poor taste, but Connor did little more than roll his eyes in response before his focused returned to you, his hand reaching over to unclasp your bra for you before you could find your way back to earth after hearing that Nines was bad enough for the medical staff to need some questions answered.
Still, out of little more than habit, you shrugged the garment off of your shoulders before shimmying out of your underwear, stepping over them afterward with a blank expression as you worked persistently to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror.
Connor noticed this, and shot a glance towards his successor before he nodded to the both of you in farewell.
"I'll be back soon. If you don't hear from me for a few hours, assume everything is alright. I will keep you updated on the important things."
He promised, reaching over to offer a hand for you to hold as you stepped into the tub before finally letting go a few moments after you were sat down, his eyes trained on yours as he did his best to convey that everything was going to be alright with his actions alone.
It did little to quell the growing anxiety in your heart, but you appreciated the effort nonetheless.
Meanwhile, Sixty reached forward to turn the water on once more, filling the tub further now that you were inside of it in order to ensure it was at the perfect temperature for you in the moment.
Connor and Nines rarely let you choose things like this, since the warmer the water the higher the chance of you feeling faint afterward, but Sixty was always far more concerned with your comfort the very second you were experiencing it than he was the future. From his perspective, he could fix whatever issues your body threw at you as long as you actually bothered to tell him what they were.
In fact, in his eyes, it would be worth it to rend his artificial skin from his artificial bone just to ease the unwavering pain in your eyes.
Just to make you smile.
Whether or not he really knew that he felt that way, was an entirely separate issue.
And the only one he was truly concerned with, was whether or not you did.
That, and the way your eyes stayed fixated on the now slightly blue tinted water that you had sunk your body into, afraid to look up and see your reflection staring back you, to see how the life giving vitality of another had changed it.
Sixty sighed at the sight of your obvious struggle, knowing all too well the feeling of being unable to look at oneself in the mirror.
Or, to see yourself so physically in another who was so clearly superior.
He got up without a word, and, making a show of it so you knew what was about to happen, flicked the light switch off.
With that persistent glow from overhead gone, the only thing illuminating the room was his LED, which made it nearly impossible for you to know whether the blue in the water was the light, or the blood of a loved one.
"Can you get in with me?"
You voice rang out so suddenly and with so little warning that Sixty paused as he stood near the closed doorway, his mind searching for an easy answer that would not come.
He was not usually the one you went to for comfort, Connor knew your heart best, Nines your mind, and that had left Sixty with your body, and he had learned to understand that with as little physical interaction as possible.
The sight of his hands resting upon your skin unsettled him, as did the way you trusted him so easily, as if you weren't so readily aware that he had been built for violence, brutality in the cases where it became necessary to protect you from some unknown evil that you had grown to fear but never to name.
It confused him, how comfortable you were with hands that had maimed and killed so many and gently touched so few.
Confused him, and left him wishing he were capable of holding you the way that the others were. So gentle, not for fear of harm but rather to convey a message of understanding, of comprehension far beyond what Sixty worried he could manage.
Built to look so similar, it was a shame to be so different.
He wordlessly got into the tub behind you, watching and undressing on approach as you scooted forward silently, the water sloshing around your fragile form as you made room for his threatening presence in that way no one else ever did, or he imaged ever would.
You knew his intentions regardless of his still mouth and tensed hands, always so good at seeing, so good at understanding.
Blessed be the hands you touched your monsters with, blessed be the eyes you saw them through.
If he could make them permanent fixtures on this earth he would, but instead he knows he'll simply have to shed his own consciousness the very moment you do the same.
Loyal brute, loyal fool, loyal follower, anything if he is yours.
Everything if he is yours.
He settled in behind you so easily that it almost felt like he belonged there, a thought so foreign that it did not even register until long afterward, while he was watching your hair dry by the smoldering flame of the tinder you had provided Connor with earlier.
The air had smelt of thirium when he realized it, burning gore and rose shampoo, which came from where you stood beside him.
He had thought of the petals of the flower as he stoked the flames rising off of your still burning shirt, thinking of the way that they all folded together so perfectly, so completely, that he could surely be nothing more than the thorn on your stem.
But then he had thought of the bath tub, and the way that your back had felt slotted against his chest as the warm water lapped at his synthetic skin, and how your hands had felt on his arms as you used them to keep yourself from slipping slightly on the slippery porcelain while the water settled.
Even as a well fitted thing, he had still caused a disturbance. When did he not?
But the future was still unknown for the moment, so he did not think about these things as he settled into the water behind you, instead choosing to ask if you were comfortable, only to be met with silence when you simply nodded, head tilted back in what the android took as a request, a gentle invitation, to make sure it was clean.
Sixty ran a few gentle fingers through your hair, doing his best to de-tangle what he could without hurting you before he began to cup water into his palms, using it to cleanse your locks of any dried thirium that had begun to grow thick and clotted there, so ironically similar to blood for all that it was not.
When he was done with that, he found the bottle of shampoo that he liked the scent of best beside the tub, and massaged it into your scalp, being careful not to pull.
He truly did know your body best of all, no matter how frightened of it he was.
You leaned into his touch slowly, as if hesitant to do so, and he said nothing about any of it, choosing instead to warn you to close your eyes as he used his hands to gather water once more, rinsing your hair of anything that had remained stuck on after it's de-tangling earlier on.
Your body came next, and you stood for that part, shivering in the cool air as it came in contact with your warm body, allowing him to not only feel your frailty, but also see it even clearer than he already had.
It was remarkable how much power something so fragile had.
Once you had been thoroughly cleansed of any traces of the day, Sixty was cautious in turning the light on again, eyes trained on your reaction thoughtfully all the way up until he had you wrapped in a towel and leaving the bathroom entirely, bound for your small room of soft robes and a plush mattress, one he had picked out (with the help of his "siblings" of course. Nothing ever got past them otherwise).
Sixty's thought regarding his counterparts had him faltering slightly as he guided you over to the edge of your bed to sit you down as he searched for clothing comfortable enough for you to sleep in later that evening.
He had seen the exhaustion in your eyes, and if Connor had been here, he would be insisting that Sixty was keeping you awake for all of the teary tired present in your gaze, but the younger android knew better. He knew you would fight it off until Nines either walked through the door himself, or was carried through in a bag of miscellaneous parts by his predecessor.
Not wishing to dwell on that thought, he soon settled on a large t shirt you had bought him at a concert a few years prior. He hadn't particularly enjoyed the music, didn't even really know how to back them, but you had seen him looking at it and bought it without a second thought.
So giving no matter how much was taken, he worried you might one day lose yourself to the pull of selflessness.
A selfish concern to be sure, how ironic.
Helping you get dressed with particular care being given to your bruised rib cage, Sixty was sure to scan your vitals multiple times throughout the process, always convincing himself that it was more for Connor, who could see the live data, than it was for him.
He was a liar, but he didn't need to admit that to himself, much less to the world.
Once you were finally comfortable and ready to relax for the evening, Sixty silently followed you out into the living area, setting you up with your favorite blanket on the couch (despite pretending to be surprised when you mentioned to him that it was your favorite when he laid it over top of your still vaguely shivering form) before he tried to think of something you could eat.
He had just come up with a few ideas to present to you when he noticed your shoulders shaking as your head rested heavily in your hands, and without a sound, he approached, sitting down beside you.
He let you cry for a little longer after that, so unused to comforting you in favor of his counterparts that he was rather unsure of what to say until finally, he simply said the only thing that came to mind.
"He's going to be okay. None of us are ever going to leave you, not as long as you need us."
His tone was firm and far less compassionate than the one Connor or even Nines may have used, but it must have done the trick, because you looked up at him weepily soon after, eyes wet and hands shaking as you took a deep and unsure breath.
"So you'll always be here?"
You all but wheezed, so desperate for comfort that the straining in your lungs was nothing if it meant receiving reassurance from someone.
Sixty responded without hesitance, his tone deadly serious as he spoke,
"We are yours. We won't leave unless you ask us to."
Connor called about Nines exactly 9.86 seconds later.
masterlist
AO3
#dbh x reader series#dbh connor x reader#dbh nines x reader#dbh sixty x reader#rk900 x reader#dbh x reader#s: I'd Burn Every Soul I Knew (If I Thought the Fire Was Warming You)#dbh series 0 cop edition
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To expand on the previous post (with excellent addition by @kerosene-in-a-blender), I genuinely believe Laudna as a character would be a lot stronger in one of two scenarios:
1. Ditch the Whitestone stuff. I say this as someone who has produced almost nothing but de Rolo content—that is too big a part of Campaign 1 not to completely overshadow anything different the character tries to do in a long-form narrative. I think they could have threaded that needle, but that requires so much more focus and attention that a fast-paced story about a moon conspiracy just isn't built for. It's been 65 episodes and Whitestone nostalgia is all the character has meaningfully contributed to the narrative.
They put themselves between a rock and a hard place before the story even started. You can't bring in Delilah too often without inevitably treading on Campaign 1, but you also can't use her too little—not just because she's Delilah Briarwood, but also because that's the patron of a PC and your PCs need to be taking center stage. And yet there is nothing Delilah's presence has done in the story thus far that could not have been accomplished by a completely different, hitherto-unknown necromancer patron. Laudna's experiences in Whitestone could be replaced with a similarly traumatic backstory (it's not like Exandria is hurting for necromancers abusing power) and she'd have to actually elaborate on it and flesh out the worldbuilding and think about the backstory instead of being able to lean on "Hey, you guys remember that Briarwood arc? Freaky, right?"
2. Keep Laudna as she is and use her in an EXU miniseries. Set it in northwestern Tal'Dorei, where she's been wandering aimlessly for thirty years, spending half the time disassociating and half the time making her dolls. She meets a colorful group of people and they go on some adventures, and she finally decides to take back her life and do something about the voice in her head. You'd basically keep the Whitestone episodes of C3 as they are, give or take a few beats, as the climactic episodes of the series, and then the newly fire-forged friends set off for whatever new journey awaits them.
Maybe Laudna switches patrons; maybe she ditches the warlock thing entirely; maybe she ends the miniseries not knowing what she wants but excited to learn about it with her new companions. Mini-campaigns don't have to worry about that kind of thing! You can have your Whitestone nostalgia and some fanservice while still telling a pretty fun story, and it won't feel like a weird extra appendage to a main campaign that otherwise has very little to do with it. I wouldn't say it's a story I'd be interested in seeing continue, but it's perfectly serviceable for something small and self-contained.
What it has not been serviceable for is the long-form story of Campaign 3.
Honestly, I was a little concerned about all of this even before I started watching all the way through, but I wanted to give it time and judge it for myself. I don't believe in unfounded doomsaying, and I wanted to give the show a chance to do something interesting. And it has been 65 episodes, over 260 hours of content, which I think puts us well past the window of "give it a chance", and Laudna has spent the vast majority of her time not meaningfully engaging with her levels of warlock if it doesn't contribute to creepy girl vibes. (She frankly isn't engaging with her levels in sorcerer, either.) She's never even addressed potentially finding a new patron—so does she not want to? But then why is she so distressed about the idea of Delilah resurfacing? And if she does want a new patron, why has nothing actually happened in the almost-thirty episodes we've had since the Whitestone trip? If she's been "fighting Delilah for thirty-odd years", why didn't she take the chance to explicitly try to connect with, say, the Sun Tree? Or literally anyone else?
And honestly, as a Campaign 1 fan I have to say I'm also frustrated at how Delilah's presence specifically undercuts that story. Like, yeah, you have a technical reason for why she's still here, but "well she IS a powerful necromancer" is just a mechanical explanation, not a dramaturgical one. Her story is done. The chapter closed. She had ample opportunity, including when specifically asked by the Hells, to state any specific goals—any at all—and didn't. This is the woman who menaced Percy and Vex? This is the woman who permanently killed Vax? ...Really?
It could have been an interesting challenge to take on in referencing something from the past while bringing something new to the table, and it's not like they haven't done that before; they've already shown with Jester and the Traveler that it can be done. But they haven't done it here; any opportunity for Laudna to grow beyond her vague concepts—"What if Sun Tree Body...with Delilah patron? What if weird scary girl...but happy?"—has been generally ignored. Her killing Bor'dor is the first time in the entire campaign that she's done something that really got my attention, and in two episodes it's almost immediately papered over, followed by some inexplicable "must you continue to reconquer?" word salad about the gods.
Marisha explicitly refused to create a new character until she knew for sure whether or not Laudna would be resurrected. But if she enjoys her so much, when is she going to do anything meaningful with her?
#critical role#cr meta#long post#i would love to believe that something will happen with her but i've been hoping for something to happen all this time and it hasn't#it seemed like it would! and then it kinda just. fizzled out and got papered over#like you can't just say 'nono her character is great she really picks up after 300 hours of pure aesthetic and nothing else'#like. that's a lot of potential and increasingly diminishing returns#and it's WEIRD. because i've had beau for five episodes and she's so much stronger as a character#i've never been really into keyleth as a character but she similarly feels really grounded#and patia was around for four episodes and was an absolute tour de force#like we KNOW the player can do better. why isn't she
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Undead Unluck ch.218 thoughts
[We Have a Title]
(Contents: Immediate reactions - excitement, character analysis - Ruin; thematic analysis - unity; speculation - Ruin/arc progression)
Hype
I think I've made it clear that I'm not a fan of hype. I don't like when expectations are constantly being built up and blown out of proportion, as that can only lead to disappointment. I much prefer a pleasant surprise where I can be proportionally excited with what's happening in the moment rather than allowing the pressure to build beyond what can be reasonably maintained
UU doesn't usually have a spoiler problem, at least not in my personal circles, so I was surprised that there was someone passing around leaks for this chapter. I managed to avoid them, and boy am I glad I did, cus this was the hypest god damn chapter in the whole run so far
Ruin's comeback, Fuuko's brutal display, and of course, Andy's return! I've said a thousand times that Tozuka is a master of iconic panel composition, and not only were there a ton of great panels here, but that final two-pager was just absolutely sick!
Fuuko's hair fluttering in the wind, Andy's blazing descent from the sun, the symbol of Fuuko's Unluck pinned to Ruin's back by the symbol of Juiz's Unjustice, the Sun and Moon both positioned at the top of the page as if watching on as everything unfolds. This is the end of an era and the beginning of a new one - no longer is Fuuko the lone leader of the Union, her right hand is returning to usher in the final phase, and everyone is bearing witness, the heavens themselves shining a spotlight on this momentous occasion
I kid you not, I was shaking when I realized what Fuuko was doing, and it took everything I had not to scream and jump with excitement when Fuuko dropped what will no doubt become her most iconic line in the series (my wife was still asleep, I didn't want to wake her). If I'd seen any spoilers, my realtime reaction would have been split up between knowing what happens out of context and then seeing it in context, and neither would have been nearly as fun, so I'm so glad I got to have the experience I did
Ruin
Onto the chapter itself, I definitely wasn't expecting to see Ruin this soon. I thought for sure we'd get a breather chapter or two to hang out with Tatiana, but I think Ruin is a character we can make an exception for
The first time Ruin showed up during the falling action of an arc, it felt a little like drama for drama's sake at first; I got over it pretty quickly, since it was clearly being used as a narrative device for transitioning into the next phase, but I could understand if people felt like a new character being introduced as a game changer is a bit of an asspull
This time, though, Ruin doing that is a callback to his introduction, an established modus operandi for the character to serve as an explicit agent of the narrative towards...well, ruin. Frankly I would have been disappointed if he'd come back any other way, as this way allows us to see the difference in how the Union responds to him
Before, no one saw him coming, and Fuuko got killed for it. Now, while no one was "ready" for him, Fuuko was able to react in time to make sure that no one died and then even got to retaliate in a way that demonstrated shocking level-headedness in the face of her own killer. Whereas Andy struck in a blind rage without any concern for what kind of ability Ruin might have, Fuuko immediately and brutally removed his head with the intention of inhibiting his regeneration. She was wrong, of course, but she made a conscious effort to win the fight rather than simply reacting on instinct as Andy did
While Chikara and Gina did end up getting hurt, they're not dead and likely not permanently wounded either (corneal damage is perfectly healable, it's retinal damage we'd need to worry about). Ruin is still very much a credible threat, but the Union of today is not the Union of yesterday, and they're definitely fit to overcome the so-called King of Negators
Ruin's Redesign
That said, I am left to wonder if the Ruin of today is the one of yesterday. His design has undergone some interesting changes, all of which completely incongruent with his own ability
Not only is his hair shorter, it's also lost color on one side, and the scar over his left eye has started to spread down his torso and arm, almost like it's metastisizing. Unruin's name implies it's supposed to keep its user perfect and pristine, but Ruin himself has only gotten worse for ware over the course of the loop. I'm wondering if this is a side effect of Unruin, like the more he uses it the more corrupt his body becomes, and it isn't negated by Unruin specifically because it's the cost of the ability and therefore the proper judgment of God or something
The fact that his hair has started to lose color further cements the parallels between him and Andy. Previously he just had the scar over the same eye, but now his hair has become short and slicked back, split between black and white while his scar creates a delineation in his skin tone, not unlike when Andy's personality reemerged from his Remember wound when Victor was in control of their body. The scar moving down the left side of his body also means it now covers the areas of Andy's 1985 and DEAD END tattoos, suggesting that perhaps his personal journey that we haven't been privy to is a parallel to Andy's after waking up from his own grave
Speaking of tattoos...I haven't seen anyone mention that Ruin is missing his Sun tattoo. What this means is unclear, but if I had to guess, it's a sign that Ruin does not currently occupy the role of Regulator. He hasn't been "chosen" by God yet, which I think suggests that this isn't L100 Ruin crossing between loops, it's L101 Ruin, whose life hasn't quite taken the same path as it did before. This might even explain his body - L100 Ruin told us he was sickly, so perhaps L101 Ruin simply got Unruin later this time around. Perhaps that scar is the deterioration of his body from his illness prior to gaining Unruin, and therefore either outside of the ability's purview or, again, seen as God's will and therefore not an imperfection
Ruin's fighting style also seems to be a bit different, as not only does he not seem to be making blood claws or moving through shadows, he also removed his shirt (which was UMA Blood last time) without turning it into some kind of construct first, suggesting that he doesn't have Blood or Shadow with him this time around. Instead, he seems to be fighting more like Andy, using his Soul to fire his own blood as a weapon, as evidenced by the fact that his fingernails were bleeding after attacking the Union
It's definitely possible that I'm misinterpreting it, but I have to imagine that this is a new Ruin being manipulated by Soul rather than the same Ruin going about business as usual. We'll most likely get that answered for us next week, so I wanted to get my speculations out of the way now
Ruin's Future
So if Ruin doesn't have his UMA friends with him and isn't a Regulator, what does that mean for his role going forward?
I don't think any of you will be surprised to hear that my thinking is that he's going to join the Union, as I've been speculating that for a long time and other folks have definitely followed suit since. I am saddened by the idea that he won't have his companions with him, but they could easily serve as an upgrade/character moment for him later, so I'll take it for now
The main crux of my thinking right now is that Ruin is clearly poised to undergo a character arc. As I said, he's starting to resemble Andy more and more and Victor less and less, suggesting that he's going to transition from being the one Negator that serves God and become the final Negator that opposes him
If the Union is a collective of the oppressed rising up against their oppressor, then Ruin is a bootlicker who fell for the propaganda that there was nothing he could do to resist the powers that be and joined them out of a sense of learned helplessness. The idea that Tozuka or Fuuko would see someone so brainwashed that they embrace their own enslavement and just leave them to blissfully suffer their fate runs pretty antithetical to the story we've been told so far, so I think it's far more likely that the coming chapters will be used a way to change Ruin's mind and teach him that he has the agency to live for himself and not live as the cultish servitude of a God he's never met and who clearly is willing to sacrifice him at a moment's notice
When Fuuko said there was still one member left to recruit, obviously she meant Andy, but the timing of that statement immediately preceding her noticing Ruin seems quite deliberate. Andy isn't present, sure, but for all intents and purposes, he's already part of the Union. He doesn't need to be recruited, just retrieved, and that could feasibly happen at any time since Andy could probably just decide to come back on his own. Instead, Ruin is the only Negator that still needs to be shown which side is correct, so while Fuuko may not know it, she was most likely talking about him, not Andy
Even her line about completing the Union with Andy's return can be left open to interpretation, as the act of his returning could either complete the Union with his arrival or with his help in proving the lie that Ruin believes in to be wrong
Of course, I don't think that can happen with just Andy showing up; rather, I think that the most recent additions of Tatiana and Kururu ideally would play a part to help flesh out their inclusions, though I wouldn't object to Julia getting Unjustice here. If absolutely nothing else, I'm banking on Chikara using Unmove, eyes or no eyes. What better time to learn how to use his soul to overcome his weaknesses than when he literally doesn't have eyes?
Unity
Whoever participates in fighting Ruin, I'm kind of hoping it ends up being a Summer or a Sick situation, where the group is so well coordinated that they basically just combo Ruin to hell and back. While the alternative of either Andy soloing Ruin or Andy and Fuuko tag-teaming him would be sick as hell, it wouldn't do much to further the themes of unity overcoming oppression, so it'd be much better for everyone involved to get to participate
Like I said before, the Union serves as a symbol of overcoming oppression through unification, so we can't have one or two members carrying everyone else - they all need to contribute to the whole, at least in some small way. After all, that's what Soul is afraid of, the Union having enough members to overcome anything that's thrown at them
Given the current political climate, Fuuko's retort to Ruin's claim that humanity has no hope of beating God struck a chord with me.
"It's the opposite. They're afraid of the Union being complete. The Ten Superior Rules normally only intervene during Quests. The mere fact that they've sent you here as an assassin is proof that they're panicking."
Union-busting, voter suppression, gerrymandering; those in power make a concerted effort to ensure that the masses believe that opposition is useless by removing every means of opposition available to them, but the message it should send is actually the reverse. Why are they taking away the means of opposition if opposition is useless? If it wouldn't work, why do they care? Why not let us struggle in vain until we learn on our own that it's pointless to try, that we're wasting our time?
Because we're not wasting our time. Our struggles may seem pointless, taking years and years, generation after generation, but change is inevitable. A stone is not split in two by the final blow, but the hundred that had gone before. So long as humanity perseveres, we move ever closer to happiness, even if the path there is arduous
Every loop, the Union has managed to hold back Sun from destroying Ark. And yet, the Regulators were new to Juiz in the 100th. Sun's most direct agents, with the ability to permanently remove players from the game, only became a problem at the end. Why? Because the Union isn't the only one running out of time
If Sun managed to destroy Ark even once in the last 100 loops, the game would be over, just as it would be if Juiz had managed to kill Sun, but neither of them have succeeded. Which is to say, both sides have reason to be desperate, to be feeling the pressure now. And between the two, only one has been getting stronger, by amassing more allies
Meanwhile, Soul's the only one who seems to think of his team as friends. He mourned the loss of Beast and Language, he offered to keep major enemies alive for the sake of Change and War's whims, and he tried to enable his entire team to escape Andy's defenses by rallying them to work together. The rest of the Master Rules, though?
Infighting for who gets which seat, abandoning Soul when he was trying to benefit everyone, insisting on taking glory for themselves. Everything that God designed the Roundtable system to do to the Union, it ended up doing to the Master Rules instead; it divided them, when it should have unified them
Just like Ruin is a demonstration of the Negators falling for God's propaganda, the Master Rules are a demonstration of the Union falling prey to the rigged system. Fortunately, the Union are Negators; the Rules were never going to be a problem for them in the first place, now were they?
Soul
Of course, since Soul is the only one to actually be trying to operate as a team player, naturally he's taken all of this into account already. Sure, the Union's about to be complete, but we all saw him smiling as Andy finally left his post
Soul's plan was never to have Ruin kill off the Union, though it would have been nice if he had; no, his plan was to get Andy's crispy, bare ass off of his goddamn house!
With Ruin attacking, Andy is a must for fending him off, so Fuuko was forced to bring him back. Now that he's gone, the Master Rules aren't restricted by his soul, and can leave the Master Room whenever they please (though they may still be restricted to acting during Quests, it's somewhat unclear). What this means that while the Union is complete, so too is their opposition
Really that's the perfect scenario, though. The Union has to beat back all of the Master Rules sooner or later anyway, so why not just make it a battle royale, huh? A bit more of a traditional shonen battle format, like with the fight against Under during the Spring Arc. And I'm willing to bet Fuuko considered that when deciding to bring back Andy
Speculation
With Andy's return and the Master Rules set free, we're just about to enter what I presume to be the penultimate phase of the story, as all that will be left after defeating the MRs is to face the Gods. I don't know how Tozuka plans to pace this, whether it's going to be a free-for-all like I said or if the MRs are going to have individual arcs with some breather chapters in between, but it's clear that we're moving into the endgame
Personally, I'm hoping for the latter. I shudder to think that that brief moment of Tatiana looking at Chikara's photo of her is the last bit of downtime we'll get before the epilogue, but it's definitely possible. After all, after Spring we had the Final Cherry Blossom Viewing, and then suddenly we were dealing with Revolution and Ragnarok. If we're going to have another high-tension, no-breaks stretch like that, Ruin's return is the most appropriate time for it
That said, I wouldn't hate it. That was a super exciting time, and some of the best story beats in the whole series came up during that storyline, so I have faith Tozuka can handle it just fine. I just want to see some more chill moments, y'know? Especially since Andy's coming back! No one knows him yet! We need him to reestablish his dynamics with everyone!
I want him to be happy to see everyone! I want memories to stir in Yusai's soul of a love long lost! I want Gina to see what her past self saw and angle for a triad with Fuuko! I want Julia to see Victor in Andy and form a bond with him as an altered soul!
Rip, Billy, Shen, Feng, Nico, hell even Void - there's so many opportunities for resolving rivalries and grudges, I need Tozuka to give us at least a couple of them before we hurtle into the endgame and no one has time to say anything fun to each other ever again!
But I suppose I'm looking a little too far ahead. We still need to deal with Ruin right now, and after that we should be seeing how everyone reacts to Remember. Hm, I wonder if maybe we're going to have an entire Remember Arc, actually, like a macro-version of Gina going into Fuuko's book and meeting her past self? I'm not gonna hold my breath for that, but that'd be a neat way to extend the runtime while also finding a perfect excuse to get some more characterization for everyone
Until next time, let's enjoy life!
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I need your opinion in essay form of the sh2 remake coming soon your opinion on the subject is the only one that matters to me
i'll be up front with you mate and say that i'm stoked te FUCK for the remake. i have actually not watched the new trailer, i have not watched any new gameplay videos, i have not played the demo. i have not read any new articles and i have hardly kept up with the news at all. i watched the first couple of trailers including the Maria, Angela, and Eddie reveals and then stopped.
it looks beautiful. i can't fucking wait to be back in my foggy little town.
that said, i have my concerns -- tho my concerns actually don't align with the popular ones that're around, lmao. i'm not worried about Angela or Maria or Eddie or Laura or Mary or James yet. personally, i can't give a shit until i have the controller in my hands and i'm playing it for myself. i refuse to judge and i refuse to engage in extended commentary or debate about the characters until i get to have my own experience and have time to absorb it. (tho of course i am extremely concerned about a misogynistic or sexist james but i'm definitely keeping a lid on the worries lol.)
so my actual concerns? well.. i'm chinhands at some of the nurse redesigns, i'm not gonna lie. squinting a little hard at a couple of them, mainly because of (what appears to be absolutely 100% clear) fanservice and oversexualization because HEHE LOOK IT'S THE SH2 BOOBY NURSES. like yes we all know that masahiro ito is perpetually horny but come on.
come on.
even so i can understand it, we'll see if i forgive it lol.
when watching the maria reveal trailer, the one thing that REALLY bugged me about it were the sun shafts through the windows. like.. what the fuck. are those bright-ass sun shafts DOING coming in thru the windows. like can i help you?? hello it's super foggy outside why are there YELLOW SUN SHAFTS coming in thru the WINDOWS????
.. and then i thought about it. because, well like: what if it's a projection from James. what if those sun shafts are halluncations; what if he's reaching for hope (despite this being a hospital) in a place that's supposed to provide hope (despite this being a hospital and a place where, yanno, his wife definitely did not receive hope) and so he imagines sun shafts being there because that's what he expects from the imagery. what if it's an illusion provided by Maria?; or what if it's a reflection of the EARLY days of Mary's illness when he and Mary HAD hope that there would be a cure and thus sun shafts on a spring or summer day thru the windows light up the room and provide hope, and he's reflecting back on that because he's currently in silent hill hoping to find his dead wife.
...... :)
sooooo y'see?? while there are some head-scratching details going on in what i've chosen to look at so far, the concern i had about fucking inexplicable sun shafts thru the windows can actually be explained. but also i'm a fucking psychology nerd and i live and breathe and foam at the mouth about this shit. i fucking LOVE symbolism and i WILL be breathing heavily and chewing my hands.
but uhhh lol anyway LOL, i'm excited for it. i don't expect "perfection" and honestly i don't have any hard expectations: i only expect that the characters are being treated with respect and that they're given their due.
clearly, there have also been dialogue changes in the game that got me going like 👀👀👀👀👀 because i fucking LOVE that shit (sometimes). like. .. ok.
what really irks me about the climate surrounding sh2 is that the large majority of the fandom can't fucking stop sucking off the line delivery and the "david lynch vibes" and just the entire fucking original game in general. like i can't fully get into it here ofc but i'm sick of everyone being so deep in the aforementioned's pubes that they lose absolute shit about it. like it's either guy cihi's line delivery or gtfo. it's so asinine, it's so pretentious, it's so stupid.
i'm tired of the "david lynch line delivery" stuff. i'm tired of it. it's so pretentious and it's dumb. i'm looking forward to fresh new voice acting and new lines that will give the characters another edge and outlook.
that all said, am i mad as HELL about James's coat inaccuracies?? yes. oh my fucking G O D yes i am mad as FUCKING H E L L about that because it's so fuckign ICONIC WHY WOULDN'T YOU JUST ASDLFASFKHLXVFUCKING PUT THE FUCKIGN APTCHES ON THIS FUCKIGN COAT IT'S LITERALLY NOT THAT HHARD HE LOOK LIKE A FUCKING POTTERY BARN MODEL I'M LOSING MY S H I T OVER THIS ASDLFKLADGFLHKSDGFHLSDFG I HAAATTEEE ITTTTTTT JUST PUT HIS FUCKING PATCHES BACK ON PLEASE I BEG OF YOU IT'S NOT THAT FUCKING HARDDDDDD PPPLLEASSSEE WHY WOULD YO UDO THIS
and i will not let my anger about that rest until i see those stupid fucking patches back on his coat so help me god :3!
BUT IN ESSENCE, here's what i really have to say:
do not. do NOT. play the game with expectations. and i know that is hard; i know that people have been chatting and that there has been negativity out the wazoo. and that's why i've been avoiding it. i watch what i want to watch and hear a couple stupid things through the grapevine (mostly of fans being idiots lol) but other than that i've chosen to just be excited to play it.
but just do your best to NOT play the game with ANY expectations. and PLEASE!! remember that first impressions, while of COURSE very important, are not the end-all. they are only the FIRST IMPRESSIONS; your opinion can change. your viewpoints and consideration can change.
so when you play the game for the first time, stop. don't build any solid feelings about it yet unless something REALLY gets you. sleep on it. digest it. keep an open mind and go back to to play the game AGAIN, because --
EVERYONE NEEDS TO REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE NOT PLAYING THE ORIGINAL SILENT HILL 2, SO DO NOT EXPECT THE ORIGINAL SILENT HILL 2.
and i know it's going to be hard for a LOT of people to divorce that. but i know that i'm going to get excited and post a little about the game after i play but i'm going to also endeavor to reserve my REAL opinions for AFTER multiple playthroughs, because i do not think it's very fair to the game nor myself and my critical thinking skills to judge it after one playthrough. this will require multiples for a full impression, and i feel this way VERY ADAMANTLY about the original SH2, too.
i'm excited for the remake. i am going to be buying a ps5 specifically for this game to play it on my TV. i'm stoked. i'm nervous. i'm so excited. South Vale looks so fucking beautiful and i LOVE South Vale so much. environments are important to me, this whole entire town is important to me (and GOOMT probably has a lot to do with that, ngl LOL), these characters are important to me. i care about how they're going to be portrayed. i care about the lore, a lot. i care, but i'm remaining neutral-positive until i have a chance to play, fully digest, and think.
and i can't fucking WAIT for the remake. i want james to fall into a puddle immediately and that's all that i truly ask for (OTHER THAN THE FUCKING PATCHES BEING PUT ON HIS FUCKING C O A T ASDFLLHKDFGHJKLSDFGHKJL BLOOOOOBBBBEERRRRRR KONAMI HOW COULD YOU LET THEM DO THIS ok wait nvm i mean it is konami after all. yeah) I'M JUST SO EXCITED LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO aaaaAAAAAAAA MYYYY BABY BOY SUNDYBABBYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!
#ches writes#about the sh2 remake lol#i rly don't want to put this in the main tags so Yeh#HOW'S THAT FOR AN ANSWER LOL. i ahvent' slept yet it's 7:50a send help
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Honestly i want to start playing DAO and then go up by release from there till the new one cause it all looks so nice and enjoyable but i haven't even started and i keep hearing about the fandom being the worst of the worst and people actually got truamtized from it im genuinely scared... Im only so new to this gaming fandom thing it started with bg3 and sims 4 and stardew valley for me lol everytime i want to install DAO Tumblr shows me a post about the toxicity of the fandom like its fate herself trying to warn me not to go there lmao
Oh babe, don't worry, really!!!! I'm sorry if I made it sound bad earlier lol, it's... well, it's no worse than regular fandom drama I reckon, it's just the one I'm familiar with, and one that's been around a very, very, very long time. The kind of toxicity there is, I genuinely do not think it is any worse than any other fandom's, it's just kind of what happens to every petri dish if you leave it alone for ten years: turns into something of a meme. But if you follow nice people, and stay out of the tags (as is recommended for every fandom tbh), I don't think you have anything specific to worry about.
I'd be DELIGHTED to see more people feel inspired to pick up Origins, partly because I'm a huge believer of art preservation, and think that old games, old books, and old movies alike deserve to be seen/read/played and enjoyed- in part to be able to appreciate what we have now, in part to see where exactly we came from, and in part to see how things have changed. I think that kind of context is necessary for any meaningful commentary to exist.
DAO is an excellent game, despite what people may say- it's just like 15 years old. Naturally, over that time, it has started to show its age: jokes have aged poorly, mechanics feel dated, people and views have mutated and evolved (nobody is the same person in 2024 that they were in 2009, or at least I hope), and the surrounding social environment as well as the technology have changed drastically, to the point that what was once scandalous and a bold, daring move, now just feels dated, stuck in the past, or even offensive. Media that is already out there does not have the luxury of being able to change and adapt as time passes, and I think we need to keep that in mind.
(Edit: adding a paragraph here because the previous one sounded very apologetic and negative: the cinematics in particular still feel intimately real in DAO, its treatment of the ambient and the limited tools it had is still very immersive, and the writing is very strong. I also remember blushing my way through flirting with Leliana that the first time [as a closeted bi woman who hadn't even realized that she's bi at the time], I remember feeling lost, and vulnerable, and terrified at certain parts, and elated, excited, joyful at others. And I really want everyone to be able to feel like that, and also gain the kind of insight they need to be able to see how far gaming as a genre had come.)
I honestly hope you do end up picking it up, because despite its age, it's still one of my absolute favorite games, and one of the stories that made me fall in love with RPGs, and games in general. I still vividly remember the first time I played it, when I was like 18 (which was 12 years ago at this point), and how it broadened my horizons, because until then, I kinda thought that games were either like the Sims, or like.... idk, first person shooters, not these big, sweeping, immersive stories you can get lost in.
I LOVE these games- I feel like that much is clear, lol. I just don't love the people who insist that there is one right way to love them.
I don't want to turn off anon for exactly messages like yours, but honestly, I do recommend to everyone who is at all concerned to do just that, to block liberally, and control their experience of engaging with the games as harshly or as leniently as they like.
It'll be fine. There will likely be an influx of new people picking the series up for the first time (just like there was with BG3) (though lbr, there will probably be a lot of people FORGETTING that the series is 15 years old but I hope they'll keep an open mind), we'll get a much-needed blood transfusion with people like you, and I genuinely hope that you'll have a very nice experience overall. ❤️
........
Also maybe save my favorite reaction image from ten years ago, and use it liberally. I know I'm gonna:
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tarot ʘ‿ʘ
i am going to be moving into a new house in a new town soon, does the tarot have any tips to make the transition easier?
tarot ʘ‿ʘ <- my thoughts exactly
(Four of Pentacles (reversed), Page of Swords, Ten of Swords) (Chinese Black Truffle, Giant Puffball, Death Cap)
...oh...
Um. Okay. Well. I won't lie to you, friend. I've seen more positive spreads. lmao
I think... the more I look at this one, the more I feel like it's a warning. I think at the center of it is the Page of Swords, which here is a girl harvesting a Giant Puffball mushroom. The Page of Swords is a card about curiosity and exploration, in the most excited way possible. It's someone who's simply breathless with discovery. This can be a good thing, and usually is! But... there's a sense that things can go a bit too far, too, y'know? That you might bite off a little more than you can chew.
I think... that might be what's going on here. It's so fun to go to a new place, but scary, too. Exploring a new place, finding new haunts, learning where to go and what to do... all that is the best part of moving. But it's hard, too. And mistakes can be made.
The Four of Pentacles is a card about accumulating wealth, but it's also a warning that is only increased when it's reversed like this. It's a card about a scarcity mindset, I suppose. This worry that whatever wealth you have now cannot be depended upon, so you need to hoard it. This has less to do with how much you actually physically have and more about how protective you're being over resources. Are you being greedy? Stingy? Willing to cheat other people to keep more than you're entitled to? The Four of Pentacles warns about all these things, as well as simply hoarding money that could be used in better ways.
Money can be a real concern when you're moving (believe me, I did it recently and I'm still financially recovering) but I think this card is warning you not to get too weird about it. Save money in an appropriate way, but don't get too greedy or territorial. If you've been in an impoverished or uncertain situation before, I know it can be really easy to feel like you need a certain financial reserve in order to feel safe (again... I get it! from personal experience) and that's kind of what this card is talking about. Being hurt in the past and overcorrecting now.
Just... don't go too far, okay?
Because the last card here is the Ten of Swords, and friend, that's never a card I like to see. It's a card about defeat, despair, and being stabbed in the back. We see a poisonous mushroom being cut here and like... I guess there's just a strong vibe of danger here. It's a card that's really about being at your lowest possible place -- but thankfully, the only place to go from there is up. But uh... yeah, it's definitely the darkest part of "it's always darkest before the dawn."
Without knowing why you're moving (and it's very much not my business), I suppose I can't say whether you've already experienced this card (and are therefore currently moving towards your dawn) or if it's hovering on your horizon. Either way, I don't believe in things being set in stone. You're currently going through a strong upheaval in your life, so it's entirely possible that this just a strong caution against overdoing things.
The Page is one of those cards that's got perhaps more excitement than experience, which puts her in danger. But excitement and curiosity are not bad things, just like saving your money isn't a bad thing. I think this spread is just cautioning for moderation in all things, and to be careful in your new home.
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ADHD/Autism Diagnosis as an adult, part 5
Part 4 can be found here.
Appointment number 3 with the neuropsych was super exciting for me because it was medication day!
I normally don't talk about the specifics of my meds, but in this case it's important. I'm not advocating for any specific medication, or for medication in general, but this is my experience. If you need meds to keep your brain from exploding, please take meds. They really do help, even though they can be scary to contemplate!
So, to recap: I went to my doctor for my extreme and long lasting fatigue, which has been causing things like brain fog, difficulty understanding/remembering instructions, short term memory loss, etc. Because I have both fatigue and insomnia, she suggested I get tested for ADHD.
The neuropsych diagnosed me with mild ADHD with very low dopamine, and autism. Because I was hesitant to start a new brain med with everything going on, we waited until appointment 3 of 4 do discuss medication. We did talk about options a little bit earlier on, and I explained why I was hesitant: I already take medication for anxiety/depression, so I want something that's going to play nice with those meds. Second, because of my sleep issues, I didn't want to start on a stimulant until my sleep was under control because I didn't want to mess things up further. He listened, understood, and agreed with my concerns, so we put medication on hold for the time being.
This process started on January 1. December 1, my energy levels just crashed and took my immune system with it. I had zero energy and got sick twice between Christmas and the first week of January. I put my writing and creative work on hiatus until further notice because I just had no energy and couldn't meet any kind of deadlines. All I wanted to do was sleep. I felt like trash.
Between appointments 2 and 3 I had a brainwave that made me feel like an absolute idiot: A big chunk of my sleep problems were caused by sensory issues. I made some changes to my bedding, night clothes, and general sleep set up, and it helped a lot. It's not perfect. I'm not where I want to be. But I feel a lot better and can do more than I could in December.
But back to the meds. Because I was feeling both desperate for relief and more stable than I was before, I felt ready to start a new medication. Essentially, there are 2 options for ADHD: Stimulants (like Ritalin) and "off label" meds. These off label meds are usually designed for depression, but because they increase dopamine levels they also help with ADHD, which is exacerbated by low dopamine. I'm already taking Lexapro, which increases serotonin levels. We didn't want to mess with the Lexapro since it's working, so he suggested adding Stelara, which is the med that plays nicest with Lexapro. I was still worried about things like mood swings or severe reactions that might impact my day job--I'm already having trouble with details, focus, etc, and didn't want them to get even worse.
We spent most of the 30 minute appointment going over the side effects, what to look out for, and how to manage them. Most of the side effects are things I'm either already experiencing due to my chronic illness. The main dangers to look out for were extreme jumps or drops in blood pressure. The rest of the side effects were typically temporary and are supposed to go away after a week or two. The medication itself could take a few days to a month to reach full effectiveness.
We decided the smartest course of action was to start me on a half dose (25mg) for 2 weeks, and then go up to the recommended 40mg at our next appointment.
So far I've been on this new med for about 4 days. The only side effect I've noticed is that it's even harder than usual to regulate my body temperature (I can go from freezing when I'm sitting still to being covered in sweat the instant I move), but that's the only side effect I seem to have. I can't judge my sleep too well because my cat has been an asshole for the last four nights and keeps waking me up for food at 4am, so it's hard to judge things like quality of sleep or fatigue levels.
I am open to adding a stimulant later on, but I want to get some other things evened out first since most of the people I know who have issues with ADHD meds have them with the stimulants. Also, right now meds like Ritalin are hard to get, so I really don't need the headache of withdrawal symptoms or trying to find a pharmacy with it in stock. Hopefully in a few months my sleep will be better, my fatigue will improve, and the inventory issues will clear up, and we can talk about it more then.
So that's where things are. I have 1 more regular appointment, and then we're going to schedule a follow up for some point in the future. I know I was super lucky to get a GP and a neuropsych who have been so great, and that isn't the experience of everyone in this boat. I hope that if you are considering or are trying to get a diagnosis, you get providers who have been as great as these two (trust me, I've dealt with some shit doctors in the past few months, including one who flat out refused to see me).
As always, I'm happy to answer any questions.
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Hi, i really like what youve shown so far, the art, the lore, your ability to take poll results and turn them into your own spin on a wcrp is all really impressive and makes me look forward to this! Ive one concern though as someone whose seen many rps fade out immediately after opening because mod teams got overwhelmed - five groups seems like a Lot to start out with, especially for a mod team that hasnt worked together before. Tbh i dont think its very realistic to plan that big. Do you have thoughts on this?
Thank you so much!! I'm very happy to hear you're excited!
This is a very valid concern, and it is one that I've thought about!
For mod teams, I do intend to have about three weeks before official opening for everyone to get to know each other and become familiar with everything. I don't intend to throw the new staff into the thick of it immediately, as I'm very familiar with the fact that bigger roleplays fade out and lose momentum very very quickly, and I've been on mod teams that rush through things and aren't prepared and the roleplay ultimately paid the price for it.
The five groups lore and everything else are being handled entirely by me; I am creating everything from scratch before even opening staff applications and accepting members onto the team to prevent confusion or conflict on decisions to be made, as the creation process is a lot of the times where there will be disagreements and conflict. The mod team will entirely be for playing NPCs, planning future events, and moderating.
The roleplay is also going to have a relaxed activity level, and staff breaks are going to be encouraged to ensure there won't be any burnout or frustrations over trying to handle too much, and I won't be putting more work onto a mod than needed, especially if it's something I can handle myself.
I've had a lot of experience on roleplay staff teams, both as a moderator and admin and writing staff, and you are right planning This Big is not extremely realistic, but my knowledge and experience taken from my time on these teams is that a lot of these roleplays that fade out quickly either put too much work on their staff or try to rush output to the point staff burns out and roleplay never even opens.
This is another reason for the server being partially sandbox and open world; this large of a world is a LOT to keep track of with a team of staff unfamiliar with each other and the lore, and adding a strict storyline on top of that is a recipe for disaster and burnout.
I'm doing everything with my experience and knowledge to be sure that Ever Rain will not open and immediately fade out and lose momentum, as this is a passion project of world building I truly want people to be able to enjoy and explore.
Hopefully this helps with your concern, and if you have any further ones please don't hesitate to reach out! Again, this is a very valid concern and I'm glad you brought this up as I am very aware this is a big project.
#and tysm for the kind words and excitement!!#mailbox#I really do want this project to be successful and I don't want it to feel like a Job for staff#nor feel like a chore for members
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May Reading Wrap-Up: 8 SFF Books :)
Hey guys! Happy Pride Month! I have my reading month to share with you all - it's the first month of summer and so things are picking up here on the reading end. And honestly, I couldn't be more excited and happy to be reading :) Let's see what I read!
Lagoon, by Nnedi Okorafor
no rating | 306 pages | queer main characters!
This was the last book I finished before leaving school and coming home! I took a super cool sci-fi class last semester and read all sorts of books from all over the world - this was my professor's pick for Nigeria! I haven't rated it since I read under circumstances that bias me towards rating it lower than I should - aka class.
Regardless, I'll tell you my thoughts: this book tells the stories of a series of interconnected people living in Lagos, and how their lives are affected by the arrival of aliens. I love a good first contact story, so I was excited! But unfortuantely I didn't find myself liking this book too much.
The problem I have with Ms. Okorafur's writing is her pacing. I find things move too quickly to my liking, and too much attention is spared for the things I am not concerned about, while major events feel glossed-over. I had much the same feelings as I had with her Binti trilogy: I think the plot is fun, and I'm intrigued, but the writing turns me off completely. This time, I was even more into it, as Ms. Okorafur was focused on the arrival of aliens in the third world, and that was a lot more realistic, fun and unique than our typical narratives of first-contact-in-the-US - especially for a fellow third world-er.
Overall, I don't not recommend it. Give it a try! But if Binti felt rushed for you, I don't think this one will be your cup of tea, either.
The Dallergut Dream Department Store, by Lee Mi-Ye
2.5 stars | 306 pages | no queer rep :(
Oh, The Dallergut Dream Department Store... I wrote a full review on this one, so I won't dally too much, but suffice it to say it wasn't that enjoyable of an experience! The story follows Penny as she begins to work at a Dream Store people visit while they sleep.
Although definitely cozy, I thought the story really lacked direction. There's no over-arching plot, and everything feels like a sequence of short stories. At the end, the author seems to realize her mistake and attempt to insert some semblance of a plot, but it falls completely through given that it's so close to the finish line. The main character is also dreadful, with no personality, no agency, and basically no point to existing besides asking the right questions at the right times. Other characters were plenty more enjoyable and could've been amazing main characters.
Some of the vignettes were fun, but it just made me wish more and more that an editor had looked at this one more time. It has potential, but it feels like a rough draft. After a semester spent workshopping scripts, I couldn't help feeling like this was one of fellow classmates' drafts, and that I needed to help them improve. Overall, I wouldn't recommend!
A Taste of Gold and Iron, by Alexandra Rowland
4 stars | 512 pages | MLM main couple
Okay, so. I don't usually read speculative romance, and I guess I should make it clear, as it means I'm not thaaat good of a judge on the genre. But I wanted something that would make me gush, and didn't have the brain power for anything like the more complicated political fantasies I'm usually into. So was born my era of queer romantasy, which is already continuing into June.
Help. I've become quite addicted.
A Taste of Gold and Iron is, as far as I'm concerned, a delightful example of the genre. It follows a shy, anxious prince and his new bodyguard (who might resent him just the tinniest bit). They are thrust into a mystery they must unravel, as well as deal with their own personal afflictions, and - of course - navigate their feelings towards each other.
I thought the two main characters, particularly Kadou, the prince, were very well constructed. Their dynamic - "sworn to protect the prince" and "the prince" - is also treated very well throughout the book, as both of them address the implications of this particular relationship. And their relationship is so good, that it had an - uncharacteristic, let me add - effect on me: I sat up on my bed and squealed.
So, yeah! This is a good one! I will caution people who, like me, are coming from non-romance fantasy, that the main plotline outside of the relationship is very simple and silly at times. (It was comped with The Goblin Emperor, which is simply not true and a comparison I resent very much). I didn't mind it though, involved as I was with their love for each other! Highly recommend!
The Last Binding Trilogy [A Marvellous Light; A Restless Truth & A Power Unbound], by Freya Marske
3 stars (as a whole) | 400ish pages | MLM & WLW rep :)
This was my first endeavor into my search for queer Bridgerton, which has not yet proven a 100% successful, but will definitely have its own post!! Anyway, this a series set in magical Edwardian England, where a group of gays finds each other and get embroiled into a mysterious plot. Each book follows a different couple, which is a good gimmick, but there's also an over-arching plot, so you do need to read them in order.
I found myself having fun with the romances, but not impressed in the least by the plot. I found it dull, unoriginal and full of mustache-twirling villains - which is the worst offense, in my opinion. Nuance is mandatory in my favorite characters! I found the last book to be the worst offender, which is why I rated it the lowest.
I have a longer review in which I get into the nitty-gritty of this topic in particular, but also found it extremely disappointing that racism or the trans-atlantic slave trade's consequences in general were not explored at all in the books. This was worsened by the fact that other social prejudices are plenty explored - in fact, it's practically one by book: homophobia in the first, sexism in the second, and classism in the third. And although I have no expectations that all books explore all topics, given the importance and the relevance of this debate to the time period and the fact that other prejudices were unpacked, it definitely left a gapping hole.
A Natural History of Dragons, by Marie Brennan
4 stars | 334 pages | no queer rep!
In my desperate need for historical speculative fiction, as well as my attempts to read as many books as possible for my r/Fantasy Bingo card, I ended up with the Memoirs of Lady Trent series. It has long been in my TBR and so I was very excited!
It definitely fulfilled my expectations! The series chronicles the life of Isabella, or Lady Trent, a gentlewoman in "Victorian England" - it's not England and it's not Victorian, it's a made-up country, but let's leave it at that - who has an obsession with dragons (who exist, in this world!). Fighting against sexist prejudices, Isabella eventually becomes one of the major specialists in dragons of her time, and the series chronicles her various expeditions and experiences.
The novel is certainly slow, told in the more subdued voice that readers of Isabella's time period would find suitable. But this doesn't make it less exciting! I found myself particularly compelled by the exploration, however slight, of what it means to be a stranger in a place. To be visiting, and living in other peoples' houses, and exploring their culture and nature for science. Of the particular awkwardness that brings, but also of the joys, when a cross-cultural connection is made.
I'm excited to continue on with the series - I'm about halfway through book two and loving it just as much, so I expect it'll be a lot of fun for me :)
The Hatmakers, by Tamzin Merchant
4 stars | 368 pages | very minor queer side characters, but they do have a moment to shine and it's pretty cute!
Apart from historical fantasy, I also had a craving for middle grade! I loooove reading middle grade stories, and so hunted the internet for recommendations until I found this one! It's delightful: it tells the story of Cordelia, a girl whose family are magical hatmakers. One day, while out searching for ingredients to make even cooler hats, Cordelia's father is lost at sea, and Cordelia is the only one who believes he's still alive...
And imagine my delight when I found out this was set in the Regency period! It was a crazy coincidence, but it definitely helped my enjoyment. I thought the world building was nice, even if we didn't get too deep into it for this first book, and there's some politics here, too, which was fun!
My main complaints are that the book tied too many loose ends to make me compelled to read this as series. I'll definitely want to pick up book two, just 'cause, but I wonder if it wasn't best to have a bit more of a cliff-hanger with the plot points that are important in the second-half of the book. I also don't know if I agree with the way the book is approaching Cordelia's grief for her father, but I obviously haven't read the whole series, and so can't speak on the project as a whole.
Apart from this, I found the story charming, the characters delightful, and the magic system interesting, even if a little funky. I'm excited to read more in this world and from this author!
That's it for my month! I'd love to hear from you, so please let me know what you're reading, too, if you'd like, or disagree with me and we can discuss these books :)
#fantasy books#sff books#book recommendations#booklr#book recs#book reviews#queer sff books#queer booklr#nnedi okorafor#afrofuturism#atogai#alexandra rowland#a taste of gold and iron#the last binding#freya marske#a marvellous light#a power unbound#lady trent#marie brennan#hatmakers#tamzin merchant#middle grade books#diverse books#queer books#middle grade fiction#bookblr#lila's reading wrap ups
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I remember going home when I was in middle school, grabbing a snack and then settling down to watch TRL to see what the top videos were for that day. I was a big Backstreet Boy fan so I always cheered for them to be on the list and hoped they were number one. But I loved watching the music videos and I also loved Pop-Up video, where they would put facts either about the song, the video or just some fun trivia (like popping up a fact about how most people in Africa are Muslim so they don't celebrate Christmas during the video for "Do They Know It's Christmas?").
So I was pretty excited for this theme night.
Paula Abdul joined the panel to judge the remaining stars as they danced routines inspired by some iconic music videos. They were tasked to incorporate the dance moves from the videos while remaining true to the dance style assigned to them. And then in the second round, we had the team dances.
Who is still standing after Music Video Night and who had to say Bye, Bye, Bye? Find out!
Lele and Brandon: Lele had a great night and Brandon was right that she didn't deserve to go home. It looks like the judges agreed - I caught Derek mouthing "Wow" after her elimination and then he and a concerned-looking Bruno had a pow-wow. She was assigned to dance to Shakira's "Whenever, Wherever" and rose to the challenge, letting her hips do the talking. Yes, she her lifts were a little clunky but everything else was amazing. She should've made it further but I'm glad she made as far as she did. We'll miss you, Lele.
Ariana and Pasha: This is likely to become another iconic routine. Ariana really channeled Britney for her cha-cha to "I'm a Slave 4 U" and I think incorporated the classic moves best into her cha-cha. She really did nail the middle where she led the pros in the routine from the video. Everyone was absolutely on point and Ariana looked like a pro herself. No wonder she topped the leaderboard and earned immunity from the dance off next time!
Xochitl and Val: Xochitl talked about directing a music video for a friend and how it was a great experience. She and Val then did a jazz routine to Gwen Stefani's "Hollaback Girl" and she handled it well until she had a little malfunction with her costume. She struggled to put on the replica of Stefani's band coat and her hat fell off. But she seemed to recover nicely to finish the routine, though the stumble did cost her some points with the judges.
Charity and Artem: I was a bit surprised Charity ended up in the bottom three but I think it might be the jolt she needs. The judges gave her some good critiques for her jazz routine to Janet Jackson's "All for You" but I don't know if she can achieve the one thing she needs to really elevate her performances - have an emotional connection rather than just focusing on being technically perfect. All the female pros spent time with her and had a brunch with her but I don't know if it's something you can teach. Paula talked about how Janet Jackson tapped into her inner power and channeled that, which is what Charity needs to do. I just don't know if she can.
Jason and Daniella: I don't know why Derek thought Jason's routine was more of a Week 1 or 2 dance. I thought it was great. One of the judges noted it was a proper jazz routine and I thought it felt like something that would be performed on Broadway. Jason and Daniella really captured the feel of "Take On Me" and still made it feel fresh and new. I think they should've been higher.
Alyson and Sasha: I think Charity needs to learn from Alyson. While Alyson isn't the most technical dancer, there is something about her ability to connect with the music that elevates them. I could tell she was having fun with her quickstep to Christina Aguilera's "Candyman" and she let that give her energy to tackle the dance. And it shone through in her performance, drawing people in. That's what Charity needs to tap into and channel to elevate her performances.
Barry and Peta: Barry's reaction to seeing Bruno in the video for Elton John's "I'm Still Standing" was priceless. I loved it. He also had a lot of fun with his quickstep, much like Peta. There were times where it didn't feel very "quick" but I'm not sure if that was due to the music or Barry. Because when he did step it up, he handled it well and made the routine shine. Either way, it was pretty fun to watch - especially when he got to shower Bruno with some glitter.
Harry and Rylee: Harry and Rylee were assigned to dance a jazz routine to NSYNC's "It's Gonna Be Me" so Lance Bass stopped by to give Harry some tips and to help with the choreography. During the routine, Harry was strongest when dancing the video choreography with Gleb and Alan but didn't carry that confidence over when he was dancing with Rylee. There's more to say about Harry but I'll wait for the team dances.
Now it's time for the team dances! Harry and Alyson were appointed the team captains. Harry chose Lele, Xochitl and Charity for his team and they were assigned Gangnam Style as their song. So they chose to name themselves Team Young 'N Style since everyone on the team were younger members of the competition. Meanwhile, Alyson's team included Jason, Ariana and Barry and they were assigned "Everybody (Backstreet's Back)" for their song. So they decided to call themselves Team 4 Everybody.
Team Young 'N Style: This was a fun routine to watch. Everyone was in sync and rose to the challenge. I believe Lele and Brandon had the strongest solo portion and it just highlighted how much of a shame it was that they were eliminated. Derek noted afterwards that Harry is better in a group than solo and I have to agree. He was strongest when everyone danced together but was weak in his solo portion. Unfortunately, I don't think he and Rylee can just dance in a group until the end of the competition so he needs to figure out how to bring that to his solo routines.
Team 4 Everybody: It was another fun routine though maybe not as tight as Team Young 'N Style's. Jason, Alyson and Ariana had strong solo sections while Barry's was the weakest. But they clearly had a lot of fun together and I think Alyson really stepped up as the team captain. I also loved the end where they all switched partners and danced in same sex couples. And I loved how much of a Backstreet fan Ariana is that she nearly collapsed in tears when AJ McLean walked into the room to give them some pointers in rehearsal. Same, Ariana, same.
And Music Video Night is in the books. I wonder after a string of unexpected eliminations - Mira, Mauricio and now Lele - if the producers are considering bringing back the judges' save. Or maybe we'll go the entire season without it. Right now, I feel I could only understand Alyson possibly winning it all as she has been the most improved dancer in my opinion. But I guess we'll see what happens next time.
Speaking of next time, Billy Porter will be the guest judge as the remaining couples dance to the music of the one and only Whitney Huston. Can't wait to share my thoughts on those performances as well as the dance off!
See you then!
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appreciate being called the most rational uswnt fan lol, i promise it won't inflate my ego. a lot of it, i think, comes from the fact that soccer breached containment in the US last world cup. so a lot of people who've literally never played soccer and who don't really know anything beyond "US good" are suddenly commentating like they've got 30 years of experience. i played for 12 years, and watched soccer constantly in my down time. i can't comment on other countries but i feel like a lot of people who follow women's soccer in say Europe have similar experiences to mine. US fans were at least a bit more rational to a point while i was growing up watching, because you only knew about the league if you played. even then, a lot of people didn't know. around 2011, things started to take a turn to where we are now (i'm not getting on my shipping high horse), but it was still mostly focused on the soccer. now, the block button is my best friend lol.
in terms of vlatko, i don't really know what to say. i kind of avoid talking about the coaches because 90% of coaching is what we don't see. obviously, the subs thing is an issue, but i honestly don't know. i had coaches growing up who coached us through seasons where we lost everything. but that didn't mean they were bad coaches. one season, we literally only had 11 players, and that wasn't his fault. one season, our goalie got injured and we didn't have a back up. i also had shit coaches who coached us to a championship. the first thing i told this guy was that i was left footed, and it wasn't until our final game when he realized, in shock, that i was left footed. there's lots of stuff that goes on behind the scenes. everyone clowned on jill but she somehow won two world cups. we don't have any wingers right now. that's a problem. we don't have trained central defenders. that's a problem. i don't know what will happen to his job. on the one hand, US Soccer has made it very clear that you either win or you get the boot (see Tom Sermanni). on the other hand, they've also refused to fire coaches when players complained (see Jill Ellis). they also refused to pay Dawn Scott who was single-handedly the reason why we were dominant for so long in what i refuse to believe wasn't a political move (this happened during the second lawsuit). it's completely a toss up.
as you said, this is a positive for the US and soccer at large. i'm so excited to see new styles of soccer develop, i'm excited for a new team to win the cup. upsets are genuinely exciting. while losing to sweden wasn't necessarily an upset, there's been so much growth and new teams breaking records, this is so fucking exciting. the US has never been a super tactical team. we've had tactical players, but never as a team. for the longest time, our strategy was to just kick the ball as far down the field as possible and have alex morgan chase it down. simply put, the reason why we've been dominant for so long is because we were always bigger, stronger, and faster than the other teams but we can't do that anymore (see Dawn Scott). the US have never played the most beautiful or advanced soccer, we suck at passing, we don't defend properly at all, and we don't take proper first touches. i hope that this is the push that we need in order to move towards turning into the beautiful game. for now, i'm just hoping and praying that Nigeria beats England. every world cup that Jamaica has been a part of, i've wanted them to do well, and it's finally happening.
all i ask of US fans right now is to choose a team, follow that team, and watch the rest of the cup. after the cup, choose a club team or two, and follow that team. historically, women's soccer has had issues keeping viewership after the world cup and i'm really concerned that it's going to happen again. the US has one of the largest (or at least loudest) fan bases. please keep that energy going forward, i don't think that i can take another league collapse. when teams from other countries are fighting for their rights, be loud, don't let their federations steam roll them. you're allowed to be sad, i'm sad too, but please don't let women's soccer die out. also, please join me in my campaign in rooting for the US men to lose at the next man soccer world cup, and for Canada to win, simply because i think that it would be funny.
it probably is a little weird if you’re a (fairly) recent uswnt fan or don’t keep up with football outside of the us because the us has always been so successful. losing isn’t really in the vocabulary and we probably have all overestimated the amount of pressure it’s put on players for, literally, decades. expectations have always been sky high regardless whether it was realistic or not, and the bigger they are the harder they fall, etc. it sucks the us team will be going home to such hate though, especially since most of it is nothing to do with football at all
i don’t personally agree the us can’t really defend or pass, even if they could be better, but i do agree that fitness has been a major factor in success. they haven’t always been better, but they have always been able to run faster and for longer. so they were able to wear teams down…eventually. that’s not so much the case anymore
(i’m pretty neutral on jamaica, but it’s a cool story with the fundraiser and that, so hopefully it inspires them regardless. i hope nigeria beat england too)
i don’t think there should really be a concern for the state of women’s football overall though, right? women’s football post 2019 wwc has exploded, at least from my own experience in the u.k, it’s gone from strength to strength here. there’ll always be a drop off post wc, but there will also be those who stick around. every international tournament (generally) has a net gain. if doesn’t keep all viewers, but it does usually increase them from the pre-tournament. plus… women’s football is resilient 👊
#I’m not American and I wasn’t really around when the league folded#so it’s outside my experience and maybe not something I’m fearful of as a resuli#I’ve seen teams come and go and structures change#but never an outright collapse#it’s unfathomable to me#but nothing is impossible and for sure we need to continue supporting#answered
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Coming in hot from the kotlc fandom, asking if you would be willing to rant about Sophie (In general or as the main character, you choose) because I saw your other rant and you raised some very good points. Especially the self insert oc. I'm still raging from the fact that she rejected Dex and /then/ kissed him to say "Hey, this is ultra mega delux proof that I don't like you"
Boy howdy you better believe I'm willing!!
Also thank you for the ask, this is the first one I've gotten like this and I'm so excited :D
So first of all, if anyone needs a recap of what I've already said concerning Sophie and her undeserved position of the main character, find it here: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/smoltolmuffin/685796011734712320?source=share
Sophie kissing Dex to prove she didn't actually like him:
Makes me think of that GIF. You know the one.
Yeah, that one.
First of all: WHO DOES THAT? Who even has the courage as a-- *googles this* 13(?)/14(?) year old to kiss somebody you might have a crush on?? Maybe elves are just Built Different™, but based on what we've seen of their emotions/encounters so far, they seem to function similarly to humans, so idk.
But seriously. Which preteen(???) girl actually goes "omg okay close your eyes i wanna try something" and then actually does it? And then actually stays in the same room as the dude she just kissed??? And then is casually like "huh. no that doesn't vibe at all, maybe we shouldn't see each other for a while"?
Idk but if it was me (which it wouldn't be, I'm not that brave), I wouldn't do it in the first place, and if I did for some reason, I'd immediately get the heck outta Dodge, if you catch my drift.
And it really wasn't fair to Dex either! (I could go on an entirely separate rant about how Dex is one of the most underrated, overlooked, underappreciated characters in KOTLC, but I'll spare Ye Olde Mutuals for now.) That poor boy really did have a puppy crush on Sophie. Imagine if your crush was like hmmm im gonna kiss you (experimental). You'd be stoked! And then your crush kisses you(experimental)!! You'd want to explode with happiness!!! And then your crush says "nah fam lol", and where does that leave you?
Sitting in the Friendzone with the rest of the fallen.
Not cool. I'll probably always hate Sophie for that.
Sophie in general as "the Gifted Kid"
The kid needs a break. In my opinion, her role as The Chosen One Who Is Not Like The Other Girls has gone to her head. Sure she's tired of the war, and sure she's sick of being so depended-on, but does that stop her from effectively flipping the middle finger at any (and all) authority and running headlong into more danger without telling people the plan? Heck, does she even HAVE a plan?? Because if she did then either I'm stupid (which is an entirely valid and possible option) or there isn't any plan, other than the extremely vague "defeat the Neverseen", WHICH, in my eyes, has dragged on FAR too long.
Give us the defeat of the Neverseen back in Everblaze. Give us a new threat--something else going on in the world besides "oh no. they're still here. oh no. time to not actually be able to end their terrorism, despite the fact that I am in fact Sophie Foster, the OP Fortnite Kid of literally every YA author's dreams. Or nightmares. Who knows."
Give us some other problem in the world! Give us something that doesn't require one (1) tween girl (how old is she at this point? i lost track??) and the boyband ft. some girls to go save the world yet again because of a COMPLETELY ORIGINAL TROPE, namely "all adults are stupid. ALL of them".
Some people could argue here (you know who you are and I love you :D) that Sophie has adequate reason not to trust the adults in the series, especially the Council, especially the Black Swan, especially-- oh wait. We're not trusting anyone. That's right, my bad. After giving Sophie a break, we're gonna give these tropes a break. Kay? Good. It's about darn time.
If we have to have a global war(?) going on, give me someone with experience (not Sophie!!) and a good place of mental stability (again, not Sophie!!!!) to be in charge of fixing the world's problems. Let an adult do it. Why aren't the adults doing it? SHANNON??? Each time I try to come up with an explanation for why the adults in this series are so incompetent, I get worked into a corner because? what are they doing? We haven't seen enough behind the scenes with the Council to make any speculations on "are they actually the bad guys or is Sophie just going through a particularly strong rebellious phase".
We could talk about Sophie being the leader of Team Valiant. And then right after that, we're gonna talk about how hard we cringed at that awful team name (YOU KNOW YOU DID. WE ALL DID.) I gotta agree with Keefe on this one-- Team Fancypants would've been better. Anything but Team Valiant, oh my GOSH.
It's really not fair that the OP kid gets to be the coolest. Fight me if you wish, but isn't it about time that some of our beloved side characters got some more attention? I'm mainly thinking of Dex here. Why can't Sophie take a backseat for once?
~~~
so i've tired myself out...
if this made enough sense and you'd like me to rant more please leave a comment saying so or drop another ask 💀, if you want me to lock myself in a closet and never do this again...
understandable, have a nice day
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Hot Topic
Masterlist
Warnings - Swearing
Genre - Fluff
Pairing - Changbin x Interview Reader
Your boss was a bitch and everyone knew this for a fact, being head of a huge magazine company really went to her head. And being her assistant and part time celebrity interviewer put a lot of stress on your shoulders, but it payed well and you still loved your job nonetheless.
But having to run to a coffee shop at 5 in the morning in uncomfortable through the pourning rain, was definitely not a highlight of your job experience. Your teeth clattering and goosebumps rising on your skin, the rain was pouring down hard it was hard to focus on anything in front of you.
"H-hi can I get two small black coffees, one meduim vanilla mocha, and one large hot chocolate." You ordered, wiping off the mascara that ran down your cheeks.
The cashier nodded cautiously, concerned by the way you looked. The elderly couple sitting not to far away from you was sipping their cups of tea as they boared into your souls it seemed. You knew this day was coming, having such a great couple of days and getting a raise... It was bound to have a small dip so your life isn't like Barbie dolls.
"Name?" The chashier questioned, chewing her gum loud and obnoxiously.
"Y/n." You sighed, trying to maintain some level of composure with that annoying chewing.
You tossled back and forth on the pads of your feet, zoning out due to your tired state. You nearly tripped over your own feet when the cashier called your name, holding a tray filled with burning cups of caffeine. You turned around quickly at the vibration of your phone, alerting you that you boss was becoming impatient.
A dark haired man crashed into you, gasping out of concern immediately. All of the drinks spilled onto new and already drenched jacket, and the rest flew onto your face. You left your eyes closed as you held in the scream trying to crawl out of your lips.
"Shit, I am so sorry." He apologised, helping you to your feet.
"It's okay." You whimpered, voice trembling from the overwhelming emotions forming in your mind.
Before he could grab napkins to help you out, you were already walking back to your home. Tears strolling down your cheeks from a mix of frustration and exhaustion, you knew you needed the day even if it meant taking extra hours the next day.
You poured the bubbles into your bathtub as you called your boss to tell them you wouldn't be showing up today, they sounded passive aggressive as they agreed but demanded you to do extra hours tomorrow. Which included interviewing the kpop boy group Stray Kids.
That's when a lightbulb clicked in your head, the man you rushed into was Seo Changbin. You were a fan of Stray Kids and didn't even recognize your bias because you were so stressed out from work.
"Oh my God..." You sighed, sinking into the water with disappointment in yourself.
-The next day-
"Y/n! Can you help this group to to the proper floor? I'm really busy." Your favored and spoiled Co worker suggested, clearly just wanting to get some time off. You agreed nonetheless.
Eight God like men stood next to each other with innocent confusion in their eyes, they didn't complain like other celebrities or acted snappy either. This made it more frustrating when your co worker made her irresponsible actions your problem to solve, they didn't deserve that type of treatment.
"Hi, I'm y/n l/n I will be your interviewer tonight and I just wanted you all to know how hug of a pleasure it is to have you hear. I'm a huge fan." You revealed, adjusting your posture with a pure smile.
They followed you towards the correct location, couches and chairs set up for the interview. The staff were all busy fiddling around with the equipment to make sure everything was fully prepared, which left you to try and entertain the special guests all by yourself. But before you could speak one more word, your boss rushed towards you.
"I am so thankful for you y/n, I just got a call from Elle magazine asking me if I would be able to interview Rihanna in a few hours, so if you don't mind locking up the building for me. Thanks sweetie." She demanded, tossing you the keys as she waltzed away from you.
It was after supper and you've been working non stop since 6am, and now you had to stay in this hell hole for even longer. A staff member ushered most of Stray Kids to different spots of the set.
"Are you the person I ran into yesterday?" Changbin questioned, close behind you.
"Yeah, I'm sorry I ran out so quickly. This job just is a lot of stress and work." You apologized, confusion furrowed hsi brows as to why you were apologizing.
"Don't worry about it, I actually feel bad for how hard these guys seem to be on you. Do you need any help setting up or anything?" He suggested, a softness in his eyes that made your heart do back flips.
You shook your head, knowing your face was probably stuck in a slightly shocked expression. You were proven this when a small smirk was noticeable on his features as he walked past you to get ready for the interview.
The interview went smoothly, not a awkward moment between you and the band. This is due to being a fan and doing your research before agreeing on the interview, unlike other interviewers who have completely made it unwatchable for some viewers.
You nearly stumbled over your words many times but kept composure each time, the stumbling only ever attempted to happen when you looked at Changbin.
Sending you small winks whenever the camera zoomed in to an other member, and watching you soft eyes everytime you spoke. You could feel the heat on the top of your ears from his simple but effective actions.
Felix noticed Changbin's actions towards you and smirked to himself, he slightly warned him whenever the camera would be focusing on him or if he would be in view. Everyone knew how entertainments were like when it came to dating, and that's why it was exciting when an idol didn't seem to care and wanted to live their lives.
"So I have one last question for you guys." You reassured, reading the last card in your hand.
"What is something you want to tell your fans?" You asked, smiling since you considered yourself a fan.
Each member expressed their love and appreciation for their fans, some sending small hearts from their finger tips before the camera panned away from them. You appreciated how humble and easy going they were, especially after dealing with celebrities like the Paul brothers. The worst interview you've ever had would have to be with Justin Timberlake nonetheless.
You stopped listening to Timberlake after the interview and wanted to try a new genre, and that is how you got into kpop. The first band you became a fan of was Exo, but your ultimate group became the loveable dorks called Stray Kids. You saw yourself as just some regular interviewer that wasn't special in any way, and you never thought any celebrity would give any attention.
The most attention you've got in your career was a handshake you made with Itzy's Lia while interviewing them. That's why it surprised you how Changbin seemed interested in you, since there were so many other people who would give everything they had to be with him.
"Did it work?" Changbin questioned, a genuine smile across his features as you looked in his direction.
"Did what work?" You asked, giggling softly at his puppy like expression.
"Your day seemed tough so I wanted to make you laugh, that's why I was winking. I wanted to break the ice." Changbin explained, fiddling with the ends of his shirt.
His reasoning made your heart flutter much more than if he would've just done it to flirt, it seemed genuine and thoughtful rather than desperate and fuck boy like.
"That's actually really sweet. Thank you." You commented, trying not to show him how much it effected you.
He nodded as a welcome, secretly adoring the that crossed your features.
"I better get going. I have a lot of cleaning up to do." You sighed, beginning to step away from the boy of your dreams.
Changbin glanced towards his band before running after you, a prominent shade of red dipped on the tips of his ears and cheeks.
"If I promise not to spill it over you, do you think I could make you a coffee and help you?" He asked, voice meeker and less confident than it was a few minutes ago.
You agreed to his proposal, trying not to squeal. Your crush wanted to spend time with you, and this was the only time you ever wanted to thank your boss.
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