#but are going along with b/c of my dad's lack of a job

[hauntedkittennerd]

As anyone who has a dairy allergy, or who lives with someone with a dairy allergy, can tell you: milk is everywhere. Butter is everywhere. Dairy is Everywhere. Packaged food has to list allergens but, for the rest, the safest option is often to do the baking yourself. This series of posts follows my attempt to determine which dairy free milk(s) work best in some of my family's favorite foods: muffins, fudge, mashed potatoes, and pancakes.

For this experiment, I followed a recipe from the Betty Crocker Cookbook:

This edition is from 1983 or 1984 and has been my family's go-to cookbook ever since. Here is the recipe for blueberry muffins:

As you can see, this recipe avoids butter, but contains a significant amount of milk (only flour has a greater amount). This looks like a job for plant milk! But which one? We tried oat, cashew, almond, and soy milks. Here are the results:

Batch A: Oat Milk

My sister helped me make these, and all four of us: Mom, Dad, Sis, and I tasted them. For anonymity, they will be referred to by these names throughout these posts.

Batch A muffins were buttery (with no butter) and biscuit-like. The tops had a nice crunch. One reviewer thought they were dry, and another thought they might have been better warm, but responses were generally positive. Sis and I both called this one our favorite.

When asked to guess, Mom and Dad both thought these were the almond milk ones (as the bakers, sis and I already knew which muffins had which milks).

Batch B: Cashew Milk

The differences started early with this batch. The batter was dryer and stickier than with the oat milk. Batter texture variances would be a common theme, but we are not sure which factors had the greatest influence: fat content? protein content? The jury is still out. If anyone knows, leave a comment.

The end result was more spongey while also being more crumbly than Batch A. The top had the appearance of an oat crumble. These muffins had a buttery flavor, but a powdery texture with the ability to dry out our mouths. There was an indescribable aftertaste and Sis couldn't finish hers.

Mom guessed this one was soy milk, while Dad correctly guessed cashew milk.

Batch C: Almond Milk

The almond milk batter continued the trend of being dryer and stickier than the previous ones.

The resulting muffins were, for lack of a better word, awful. They were dense, heavy, and stuck to the paper. Once free, they had a texture similar to those alphabet puzzle play mats found in preschools and daycare centers. The blueberries had strange taste to them not found in other batches. To be clear, all of the blueberries came from the same bag of Dole Frozen Blueberries and all four batches were baked during the same afternoon. Reviews ranged from "not good" to "inedible."

There were no correct guesses this time. Mom guessed oat and Dad guessed soy.

Batch D: Soy Milk

The soy milk batter was looser, more like the oat milk batter. Compared to the oat milk, this batter was just a little more gooey.

These muffins were so much better than the previous two. They were almost everyone's second favorite (they were Mom's top pick). They had a pleasant saltiness and soft, but not crumbly, texture.

The final ratings went like this (from best to worst):

Mom: soy, oat, cashew, almond

Dad: cashew, soy, almond, oat

Sis and Me (our ratings were identical): oat, soy, cashew, almond

Thank you for coming along on this journey with us! If you tried any of these, or experimented with different milks, leave us a comment.

[keirangoldenwatch]

World Building Wheneversday: Seran / Nox

I was tagged by @swtorpadawan (but missed Wednesday on account of sleeping :D;; so it's wheneversday again). Enjoy!

B A S I C S

• Full name: Seran Lohi ("Lohi" is the clan name of her adopted mother, Tenku'lohi, so it's technically her surname--sort of) • Gender: Female • Sexuality: Heterosexual ((One of my very few "straight" characters hah)) • Pronouns: She/Her

O T H E R S

• Family: Mother and Father (Biological Parents, Presumed Dead) | Tenku'lohi (Adoptive Mother, Minimal Contact; Tenku'lohi met Seran when she was eight and Tenku'lohi was sixteen, and she promised to return and free Seran once she was an adult. Their respective positions in Imperial society makes spending time together more and more difficult and dangerous. But Seran still loves her.) | Vector Hyllus (Adoptive Father, Minimal Contact; something of a step-dad, and they haven't had as much time together due to the same stuff keeping her away from Tenku'lohi, but she loves her bug-dad just as much) | Aloysius Kallig (Great x??? Grandfather, Dead but Talkative; Seran has mixed feelings on her ancestor's ghost because on one hand he's the reason she has Force sensitivity, on the other his death may be the reason their bloodline fell into slavery at all. At least he's fun to talk to/bother when she's bored) • Birthplace: Dromund Kaas (as a slave) • Job: Former member of the Dark Council, head of the Sphere of Ancient Knowledge / Presently (as of KOTFE) Assassin for the Eternal Alliance • Phobias: Cleithrophobia - the fear of a lack of escape (Triggered by being intentionally locked up or placed in restraints) • Guilty pleasures: Beyond all the Sith related guilty pleasures? Seran is a hedonist. Expensive alcohol, weird and dangerous spice, random acts of gratuitous violence...there's a reason she and Jaesa get along.

M O R A L S

• Morality alignment?: Chaotic Evil. Although she has some methods to her madness, most of the awful things she does are spur-of-the-moment more than they are maliciously planned out. She fell out of Chaotic Neutral as time passed and she got more into her Sith heritage and started killing lots of people. Oopsie? • Sins: lust/greed/gluttony/sloth/pride/envy/wrath; All of the above! Sith, hedonism, and general lack of giving-a-damn are all to blame, but at least she has fun doing it? And it isn't like she does anything (usually) out of anger. It's just because she can. • Virtues: chastity/charity/diligence/humility/kindness/patience/justice; The one thing that she has going for her is that she is kind to those she cares about. She makes threats at them in jest, yes, but she could never actually harm anyone she loves. It's her biggest weakspot as a Sith. (Unless they wrong her, first, in a way that she can't forgive...)

T H I S - O R - T H A T

• Introverted/extrovert; Surprisingly, with all her energy, Seran would prefer being around a few close friends (and enemies) to being out at a crowded cantina. She can enjoy a party now and then but it wears her out quickly--and a worn out Seran is a zappy Seran • Organized/disorganized; This woman is a walking tornado--if it isn't bolted down, it's going to end up strewn somewhere it's not supposed to be. Twovee had a lot of work to do on the ship (and she was very grateful for that!) but nowadays Lana has to bonk her on the head and reminder her to pick shit up • Close-minded/open-minded; Having not grown up with the Sith or Imperial rhetoric shoved down her throat (unlike some) she's not incredibly invested in it. She's never going to be a Jedi or anything but a Sith, but she's fine with people who are. And also with killing them when the mood strikes her. She's nothing if not contradictory. • Calm/anxious; But in a crazy, energetic sort of way--it's hard to make her seriously worried or upset, which is a good thing considering how she gets when she's upset... • Disagreeable/agreeable; Intentionally so. She finds it fun to argue for the sake of arguing or pissing people off. • Cautious/reckless; You have to ask??? • Patient/impatient; Unless she's keeping her brain busy somehow, she gets bored very, very easily and goes to find a better source of entertainment. Unfortunately the "brain busy" thing does extend to stalking a victim, so she's still a very good assassin • Outspoken/reserved; If you do something she doesn't like she will let you know. Loudly. And sometimes with lightning. • Leader/follower; Which...makes some things at the Alliance awkward. Unless she likes somebody, she won't follow their orders, let alone tolerate their existence. Acina was a prime example. • Empathetic/unempathetic; A little weird for a Sith, yeah, but this is one of the few things her mother managed to get into her head before she went to Korriban. It isn't always enough to get her to not kill people (in fact it rarely is) but she's never going to capture or enslave another living being--she always lets them go free, even at a detriment to herself or the Empire • Optimistic/pessimistic; She's a very cheerful murderous Sith! Yes it can be creepy. Yes she intentionally plays it up because of that. • Traditional/modern; HARD modernist. Kark all these Imperial laws, kark the slavery and xenophobia--she's going to change all of this when she's in change. And yes, "when". • Hard-working/lazy; The one thing keeping her from going all out Sith politics and killing her way to the top. If she doesn't enjoy what she's doing, or isn't invested or otherwise entertained, then she doesn't want to do it. Thankfully this involves the mountains of work she knows she'll have to once she's Empress, so she's fine waiting a while to actually pursue that goal

R E L A T I O N S H I P S

• otp: Theron Shan. Yes, at first she was flirting with him because she wanted to "corrupt" the Grand Master's son, but the two of them actually fell in love along the way--which she wasn't ready for in the least. She doesn't think of him any less for being Forceless (why would she? Neither is her mom, or several of her close friends) and loves his terrible terrible sense of humor. He's the only thing that keeps her from doing her more reckless, life-threatening shit. Unfortunately he also gets her into some pretty reckless, life-threatening shit. So it balances itself out. • ot3: Theron Shan and Andronikos Revel. She and Revel were (and are to some extent still [fuck you SWTOR let me have my space polyamory]) together when she first met Theron, and she loves them both a ton. • brotp: Jaesa Willsaam. Seran met her through Xisath (because of the whole "catch and corrupt the Padawan" thing) and once she had fallen, the two became peas in a pod. They agree on nearly everything. The only thing Seran can't stand is watching her and Xisath flirt. That freaks even Seran out. Which is saying a LOT. • notp: Xisath, for the aforementioned horrifying flirting, and Talos Drellik--because as sweet as he is she kind of made him a second dad (after Vector) when he joined the crew. Yes, he's younger than Andronikos. No, she doesn't care about that.

I'm going to throw them for a loop and tag @doctortentacles. Make one for one of your lads, I dare you! >:D

[rantingwriter]

Body Guard (Levi x Reader)

Day 1

I still don’t fully understand what happened...I was at work at the behavioral hospital, some big dark GMC type car pulls up, and now I’m riding in the backseat getting told I’m actually related to some big shot that’s being threatened and everyone she holds dear is in danger. “Can you please elaborate how someone I’ve never met...holds me dear…?” 

“Your dad was her secret lover when he was working at her company. She has kept tabs on you for years and even sent him money for child support. There, all caught up.” The stoic man with sharp, narrow blue eyes, who also looks really tired, sighs in exasperation. He cards his fingers through his straight black hair and looks at me through the rearview mirror. I am still reeling, I have a mom and dad who are happily married, but now I’ve got a mom who I’ve never met? “Geez, what’s so complicated about this for you?” 

“My current mom is not my mom, my real mom is some bigshot that pissed somebody off that’s more violent than my psychosis patients, and I’m in the back of a fucking car that should only be used for this scenario in movies!” I’m starting to freak out when a voice comes over the radio. 

“Captain, you lack delicacy…” It sounds like a woman, “don’t worry [f/n], you are safe with us.” 

“W-Who are you?” I try to sit forward and look around, a hand pulling me back into my seat. “WhO?!” 

“Please stay seated, that’s just Petra.” Another woman with glasses and her hair up in a ponytail is looming over me. “We’ve got a team ready to protect you and we’ve already taken care of your job since you won’t be able to leave once we get you to our safe house.” 

“Safe house? What about my parents? M-My cats?!” 

“They have been picked up by our second team and taken to a separate location.” The driver sharply turns down a backroad. “We’ll fill you in on everything at the safe house. Just sit still and shut up.” I tried to relax in the backseat, but it was impossible to relax with all this new information careening around in my brain. Before long we roll up to a townhouse and I am led inside. It’s nicer on the inside than it looks on the outside, my stuff is already here too. The driver starts barking orders to the other members of his team, soon enough it was just the two of us standing in the living room. “I sent for dinner, you go wash up.” 

“C-Can I at least get your name?”  

“Levi, I’ll be staying with you in the house. The others will man the outside.” 

“Okay, nice to meet you.” He simply nods and goes to do what I can only assume is his bodyguard duties. I go to get showered up and process my thoughts. It’s way too much to handle all at once. 

Day 3

It’s been a couple of days. I’m still reeling, been crying myself to sleep from fear at night, but overall...I guess I’m okay? “Hey, you look like shit.” 

I jolted at Levi’s sudden comment, “gee thanks…” I wipe at my eyes, they feel puffy and dry. 

He stares at me a long moment, before extending me a cup of coffee. “I know it’s rough the first couple of nights, you’ll adjust.” 

I take the cup and inhale the aroma of coffee, “If you say so…” I take a sip and make a face at how bitter it is. I grab the creamer from the fridge and add some more to the little cup. Levi says nothing, he just watches me as he leans against the counter. I don’t understand why he insists on watching my every move, it’s like he’s studying me or something. I eat some breakfast and go to the living room to play on my laptop. Before I can do anything online, the muscular guy snatches the device. “Hey!” 

“Do not sign into anything, they’ll be able to track you if you do.” He goes through and logs me out of everything I usually use. 

“B-But-”

“No buts, nothing that can be tracked.” He finally hands it back to me and sits in the nearby armchair. I simply sigh and try to enjoy some me time with the stoic statue in the room. 

Day 7

I’m starting to wonder if Levi’s constant staring at me is simply his way of learning about me. He has been making my coffee exactly how I like it without me saying anything. He has been paying attention to what I like to eat. If we weren’t basically living together, I would be super creeped out by his attention to details. It’s honestly really sweet and I think he is growing on me a little. “Hey, [f/n], want to go somewhere?” 

“I thought I couldn’t leave the safe house,” I was putting away my laundry when he came into the room. 

“We can go somewhere so long as it’s visible for the team and not super crowded.” 

“What’s even in this area?” 

“Some restaurants, a park, we might be able to swing a movie theater, and one of those animal cafes.” He doesn’t sound very excited about any of the options. 

“I’d like to go to the movies and m-maybe the café afterwards?” 

He does his signature stare at me, “we’ll see. We’ll start with the movie at least.” I smile and hurry to get my shoes on, we go to the local movie theater and Levi keeps me close to his side the whole time. Once we are seated, he drapes an arm over my shoulders and whispers. “Best to look like we are dating while we are out of the house.” 

“O-Okay…” I’ve never heard of this kind of tactic in all of those movies and games involving bodyguards. Or maybe I just never found those specific ones. He idly moves his fingers along my upper arm. His touch is giving me goosebumps. The movie goes by without a hitch and we are able to visit the animal café. I didn’t realize how much I missed home until a cat curled up in my lap while I tried to eat a slice of cake. I also try to make small talk with the quiet bodyguard, but he has his guard up constantly. It’s hard to get any information about him personally or otherwise. I’m almost finished with my cake when he suddenly pulls me out of my seat and throws the table up as protection. My ears are ringing from the sudden downpour of bullets that destroy the little café. Animals and people alike scatter trying to find safety. Levi yells into his earpiece for his team to engage. I can only tremble in fear as the man shields me. When the gunfire finally stops, he leads me out the back and we are forced to relocate to a new safehouse. 

Day 10

I’m struggling with sleep again, I think Levi is starting to take notice. “Do you need me to start sitting in the room at night?” 

“How would that help?” I’m a little snappy, I don’t mean to be.

“It’s just a suggestion,” he seems unfazed by my words. 

I sigh and sip my coffee, “it’s worth a shot, I’m not sure what else to do at this point.” 

He sets his cup down and grabs my wrist, half dragging me to the couch where he sits down and pulls me down to join him. “Lay down.” 

“I’m not napping, if I can’t sleep how can I-” He cuts my protests off by guiding my head into his lap, I feel my face turn red hot at the realization of my position. 

“Just shut up and try.” I couldn’t see it, but he was hiding his face in his hand. Sure enough his little experiment works and I finally get a little sleep. 

Day 15

Levi’s been staying in my room for nearly a week now and I’m surprised to say it’s helping a lot. His presence lately has brought a great source of comfort and also been generating some...feelings...I don’t know what to do about it. He is my bodyguard, he is just doing a job. “Hey…” I can’t believe I’m about to ask him this. “Have you ever...caught feelings for a client?” 

“No, never.” His stoic stare is unwavering. “Why?” 

“Just curious…” I need to just do what I usually do, bury these feelings deep down inside until it festers and then slowly rots away over the course of a few years...or until he does something that just kills the feelings all together. 

“Do you feel like trying to go out in public again?” 

“Not really, getting shot at once was enough.” I turn to take care of something when next thing I know I’m on the ground with Levi hovering over me. Jesus, this is not helping! 

“Damn it, we are under fire!” Despite the fact he is yelling, my ears are ringing enough I can barely hear him. How did these guys find us again? We haven’t been out of the safe house at all! Levi leads me to a secret exit and he drops his ear piece and has me ditch basically every electronic. We take the car we’ve been using and ditch it in the middle of town before getting set up in a motel. He pays in cash and uses a fake name, I’m pretty sure the receptionist thinks I’m a mistress or something. We get in the room and he starts frisking me. 

“Whoa, what are you doing? What what what are you doing?” I feel my whole body goes warm at his touch. 

“I’m checking for anything that might have been placed on you to track us. I’ve purposefully gone dark in case it’s a mole in the ranks.” He stops frisking me and suddenly starts stripping his clothes off. 

“Whoa! A warning would’ve been nice!” My heart can’t handle all of this. He says nothing as he inspects all of his clothes. 

“Okay, looks like we are safe, I’ll sweep the room for bugs and then go get us some new clothes. Will you be alright alone for a couple of hours?” 

“I-I think so?” I feel anxious at the thought after being shot at again mere hours ago. 

“Lock the door, do not open it until you hear this knock.” He completes a little sequence on the coffee table. “Can you remember that?” 

“Y-Yeah, okay, got it.” He goes around the room to check for any secret cameras or microphones or anything out of the ordinary before running off to resupply everything we left behind. I’m ready for this madness to stop.

Day 20

There is tension, I can feel it! Ever since we were downgraded to this motel and basically forced to stay in the same room day and night it’s been harder and harder to ignore my budding feelings for the bodyguard. He just stares at me half the time, the other half we are sleeping. On top of that there is only one bed and I’m starting to feel bad that I’m the only one using it. He swears he is fine in the chair, but I don’t believe him. “I’m going to take a shower, are you getting hungry?” 

“Yeah, a bit.” I can feel his eyes on me as I go into the tiny bathroom. I shower up and try to relax under the hot water. It’s only after I turn the shower off I realize I didn’t grab clothes to change into. I tightly wrap my towel around me and venture cautiously out into the room. Levi hasn’t moved. 

“I...forgot to grab my clothes…” I try to break the awkward silence, but it only proves to make things more awkward for me. “C-Could you look away for a moment?” He doesn’t move his head, only his eyes as he looks off to the side. I turn so my back is to him as I pull my clothes on to get ready for bed. I’m not used to wearing half the stuff he bought the other day, but at least they fit. I turn and run straight into him, when did he get behind me?! “S-Sorry, do you need something?” 

His face is harder to read than usual, I can’t tell if he is pissed about something or what, but it’s starting to scare me. Before I can try to awkwardly fill the silence void, he simply replies “you.” 

“W-What?!” 

He leans closer to my face, “I need you.” He closes the distance and presses his lips to mine. I instantly melt into the kiss and drop my towel on the floor. He backs me up to the bed and we both fall back onto it. The rest of the night is a hot and steamy blur as we made love. He was surprisingly gentle at first, but that didn’t last once he was sure I was okay. In the morning I’m surprised to find him still in bed with me, his arm draped over my side. 

Day 30

They finally located us and gave us the all clear, they caught the guys and I can return to my life as it was. But...I don’t want to. They are already trying to assign Levi elsewhere and I can’t imagine being apart from him now. I can’t exactly go with him on jobs and I doubt they have local work. Is this really going to be goodbye forever? “[F/n]?” I am startled out of my thoughts by a tall blond man with one arm. 

“Yes?” I have to crane my neck a little to see his face. 

“Your biological mother has extended an invitation for you to go live with her.” 

“Really? I...wow, I’m not sure how to respond to that.” 

“She also requested that the one who kept you safe joins her new permanent security detail.” This catches my attention. “He said he would gladly take it, but he requested that you be there too. He didn’t specify why.” I feel my cheeks turn red as I consider the offer. 

“S-Sure, I’d like to get to know my mom and I’d hate for her to not get such a well trained bodyguard on her team.” I try really hard to cover up my excitement. 

“Alright, that settles the matter, I will make arrangements to have your belongings transported over there. Levi will give you a ride.” I see him pull up behind the blond man as if on cue. I thank the mystery man and rush to see Levi. He gives me an emotionally charged kiss as soon as the door shuts behind me. 

“You didn’t think you could get rid of me did you?” He smirks as he backs up to look me in the eyes. 

“No, I figured you wouldn’t be gone that easily.” He gives me one more kiss before driving off towards my soon to be new home. I honestly can’t believe how much happened in the span of a month.

Day ???

“What’s this scar from?” I point to one on his forearm as we snuggle in my bed. 

“That was from a knife fight I got into as a kid.” He holds the scarred arm up while his other holds me to him. 

“Why were you in a knife fight?” I rest my cheek against his bare chest. 

“I had an uncle that figured I would be better off learning the ways of knife fighting instead of going to actual school. Oddly enough it worked out.” He puts his arm down and tucks some stray hair behind my ear. 

“Would you teach me knife fighting?” 

“Hell no, I’ve got a track record of unscathed clients to upkeep.”

“But I’m not a client anymore.” 

“Still no, I will teach you some self defense if you want to learn to defend yourself.” 

“Deal!” He gives a rare chuckle as he shifts to get more comfortable. “Aren’t you supposed to be on rounds this morning?” 

He shrugs, “I’m sleeping with the boss's daughter, I think I have some immunity.”

“Are you sure about that? Think about what you just said.” He takes a moment then moves to get out of bed. 

“Fair point, I’ll see you after work.” He pulls his pants on then turns to give me one last kiss. Gotta admit, despite the chaos that prompted our meeting, I’m glad it happened.

[davidmann95]

How were this week's comics? (01/20/20) And happy Trump-Get-Fucked Day!

pretenderoftheeast said: Comics this week (1/20/2021)?

My store got a delayed shipment this week, so no Avengers #41 or Stillwater #5 until next time (though I did pick up M.O.D.O.K. Head Games #1-2 for my dad, which turned out to be a lot of fun!). Otherwise:

Once & Future #15: Mora keeps it going even alongside Dark Detective and soon Detective! While it probably remains my least-favorite of Gillen’s major stuff, I continue getting progressively more into it with time.

Abbott 1973 #1: I recall enjoying the first book and thankfully it was easy to fall back in with this, still a neat little noir urban fantasy mystery.

We Live #4: It was a bit hard to keep everything straight last issue but this reoriented me pretty well, glad I stumbled onto this.

DCeased Dead Planet #7: Ultimately this was way more about the aspects I was uninterested in than the best of what Taylor had to offer with this premise, but there are still a couple really good moments here and it feels clear to me he left just enough dangling for a final installment.

Legion of Superheroes #12: A damn good redesign can’t overcome this still being Bendis being unable to resist haphazardly throwing Rogol Zaar into what’s otherwise been his best book at DC because he can never stop trying to put an idea over once it comes to him, but thankfully it only throws things off so much and I’m still looking forward to what’s next.

Future State: Superman: Worlds of War #1: The big introduction of PKJ as the head Superman writer as he kicks off with a big statement of intent, and...the more I think about it, the more I think this is the best Future State book so far? Not that there’s nothing I would have changed, but it seems to do by far the best job of balancing A. Telling a story that could only be told in the way it is within the future setting with the appropriate weight behind it, B. While acting as a prelude plotwise and thematically to his run on the regular books, C. That can reasonably and satisfactorily fit within the framework of the space provided for it, and D. Is actually good. I can live with an expected eye-rolling ‘and the American Way!’ - heck, Bendis did that too - when the rest of it is packed with high concepts large and small and a ton of interesting little sideways looks into aspects of who Superman is and how he’s perceived, realized exactly as well as you’d want and then some thanks to Janin. The thesis it builds up to is one lesser writers have tried and failed with in the past, but the way Johnson handles it here and his acknowledged influence from Morrison and Waid makes me think that even if he fumbles some aspects along the way, Action Comics and briefly Superman will be in good hands. Unfortunately the backups suck this time around (Midnighter is a real standout disappointment even with that Melnikov art), but I could honestly see the lead feature here making it into a few ‘Best of Superman’ collections someday.

Future State: Immortal Wonder Woman #1: Sucks! Sorry! I’m real disappointed, because most crap Wonder Woman comics have the dignity of being clearly awful wastes of the character up front, while this promised “hey, instead of her fighting Cheetah alongside the military yet again she’s going to go on a cosmic journey through the destruction of all that is!” In practice while Bartel’s work here is absolutely GORGEOUS and I’m going to get #2 so I can see her drawing the end of the universe, the dialogue is stilted, the characters are either bland or completely mishandled, and of the two threats here one falls into said mischaracterization while the other is revealed as something utterly dumb. The Nubia backup is decent, but this has immediately flipped me into skipping Cloonan and Conran’s proper Wonder Woman run. Real shame, I recalled their issue of Doom Patrol: Weight of the Worlds being good and I expected far better of them.

Future State: Catwoman #1: Nice issue; not a huge amount to say beyond that, not quite as playful as V’s standard Catwoman but it makes solid use of the setting to tell a decent heist story that seems to have some interesting twists lined up for its second half.

Future State: The Next Batman #2: Laura Braga acquits herself admirably against the impossible odds of ‘not being Nick Derington’, and along with continuing tapping pretty well into the Year One flavor Ridley gives the first major hint as to Jace Fox’s origin - if it’s what it looks like it’ll probably prove divisive, but I like it the more I think about it. If nothing else it’s a ballsy move to make with a character who’s probably being created with eventual movies and Happy Meal toys in mind. This continues to impress, though there’s one scene with Batman’s thoughts regarding the cops he’s fighting that’s a bit hard to parse given the lack of tone or given his mask facial expression; maybe it’ll be clearer later, but I’d *hope* you’d be able to get away with an ACAB Batman in an outright dark future police state. Unfortunately the Batgirls backup is tepid and Gotham City Sirens is actively unreadable.

Future State: Nightwing #1: The first half is the pretty standard ‘oooo, it’s Dick in the dark future, he’s tougher now, he’s sad Bruce is gone, he doesn’t like there being another Batman because Bruce was the only Batman even though he himself was also another Batman like three times’ stuff you’d expect, if competently written and obviously well-drawn by Scott. But the second half of the issue introduces an additional element that instantly supercharges the dynamic of the book and has me excited for the next issue’s conclusion.

Batman/Catwoman #2: The feel here does come a bit closer to convincing me that this actually was meaningfully reconceived as a prestige format title the way King’s been saying, rather than simply being the next issue of his run with Black Label thrown on the cover. Either way I’m still liking it, it’s Tom King Batman and I like Tom King Batman.

Rorschach #4: I don’t like it as much as I did the previous issues, but I did still like it. No clue where this is going.

[comicgeekscomicgeek]

Chapter 75: Let’s Get This Show on the Road

Presenting the next installment of my on-going, nextgen, MHA fic! Earlier chapters can be found here

Some are mine, but a decent chunk of the 1-C kids in this chapter were created by tumblr user and number one fic fan on tumblr @uninvited-eon​

“Okay everyone, gather ‘round!”  Itsuka Tetsutetsu called out to her class.  Around the common room, the sixteen students of Class 1-C began to gather, some listlessly, some begrudgingly, but none of them eagerly. Her heart ached for them.  

Whereas Aizawa and Super-Ball’s classes had passed their Final Exam… her class had failed.

She felt a strong measure of guilt over that.  They were only the second group of students she’d shepherded through U.A. and she could not help but feel like she’d failed them somehow.  Had she not trained them well enough?  Had she not stressed the need for teamwork and cooperation, of thinking things through?  They’d all done well in their Heroics Class and two of them had even made it to the Tournament round of the Sports Festival.  And yet, when it had come down to it, victory had slipped from their grasp.  Aizawa and Fujii had both told her she wasn’t to blame, as had her husband, but she still felt the sting of failure.  She’d already vowed to do better by her kids.  She’d already been working on new ideas for the next term.  

“Yes, Sensei?” Yoru Kan, tall, buff, and pale, asked from her spot on one of the couches.  It was strange to think her old teacher had a daughter the same age as Itsuka’s own child, but such was life sometimes.

“I know you’re all upset about not getting to go to the Training Camp with the other classes,” Itsuka said.

Ichigo Minoru, the lion-like Class Representative, growled.  “We should have done better.”

This earned him a glare from the pink-haired Momoko Hohki, who blew a gum-bubble generated by her Quirk, popping it noisily.  “You want to say that again, Fuzzball?” The two had never really gotten along.  Hohki had… issues with authority.

“I’m just saying we could have done better,” Minoru said.  He held up furry hands.  She knew he bore the loss heavily as well, taking it quite personally.  He was brave and selfless, but he had to be wondering if his leadership skills hadn’t been up to snuff.  “That’s all.”

“I think we all know who screwed up,” Kan said gruffly, crossing her arms.  

Ayahiko Akiyama pushed his glasses up, the red frames standing out against skin that was even paler than Kan’s.  “Well, it sure wasn’t me.”   His color-manipulating Quirk had been useful during the exam, unleashing wildly shifting color patterns to disorient some of their foes, but the lack of responsibility was typical too.  She and the other teachers hadn’t been able to get him to step up just yet.  They were giving it time, but he’d either shape up for ship out.

“Like hell it wasn’t,” Reiki Akamatsu snapped, the green quills along her head bristling.  “You and Enoshima both!  Throwing up your damn light shows so we couldn’t see!”

Hitomi Enoshima, whose Kaleidoscope Vision Quirk made looking her in the eyes dangerous, took offense with that.  “I told you to get out of the way!  Not my fault you didn’t listen!”

“Shouting “get out of the way, losers!” doesn’t count as telling people to get out of the way,” Kin Shiji snapped.  The parts of his face that weren’t patches of metallic gold were flush with irritation.

“Can we… can we not fight?” Shika Mizuno asked.  The antlered girl bowed her head and closed her eyes.  She was gentle and soft-spoken, reminding Itsuka very much of her friend and former classmate Komori.  Trying to play peacemaker when the more outspoken members of the class fought was common for her.

Unfortunately, Mizuno’s words did little to quell the arguments brewing.  Sides were taken, insults shouted, and things started getting loud very quickly.  

Employing her Quirk, Itsuka enlarged her hands and brought them together in a singular clap that resonated throughout the room.  It left some of the Class holding their ears, especially the lion-like Minoru and the bear-like Tsukiko Kuma.  But it did its job and silenced them all for a moment.  

“Sorry about that,” she said, reducing the size of her hands back to normal.  “But I could tell that was going to get ugly.  And fighting amongst yourselves is part of why you failed the exam.”  There had been so much arguing, so many strong-willed hot heads in her class determined to do things their own way.  They’d gotten in each other’s way during the exam, hadn’t coordinated properly, and ultimately the faux-Villains had gotten away with their target.  

“You’ve got potential,” she said.  “I believe in you.  But there’s a lot we need to work on.  Which is why, while the other Hero classes are at their Training Camp, we’re going to be having one here at the USJ.  Water Spout, Doc Clock, and I will be putting you through your paces from pretty much sunup to sundown, with a particular focus on teamwork and collaboration.”

She frowned.  “Failing your exam is a big deal.  But it’s one you can come back from, with hard work. I believe in all of you.  Which is why I also arranged for some extra help with your additional training.”

At that, the doors burst open.  “Woooo!  Who’s ready for some training?!”

Itsuka pinched the bridge of her nose.  “Tetsu, I told you to wait outside until I texted you.”

Her husband blushed and smiled sheepishly.  “Sorry, ‘suka.  Got done dropping Kana off and got bored… figured you’d be ready by now.”

It was going to be a long two weeks.

***

Nearly all of Class 1-A and Class 1-B had already assembled by the time Katsumi arrived.  She’d been rather insisted that she and Dad not arrive together.  It was going to be enough of a pain having him as one of her teachers, but she could live with that.  This was a practical matter of asserting her own independence.  And there was some small part of her that wanted to take in everyone’s reactions when they found out about him.  Maybe she ought to get her phone ready.  Depending on how people reacted, she could get a new ringtone out of it.

Izzy gave her a polite nod as she approached.  “It is good to see you, Katsumi,” she said.

“Good to see you too, Iz,” she replied.  Thoughts of her dad’s promise to push all of them hard ran though her mind.  She’d spent years thinking of Izzy as fragile and in need of protection.  Even if the last few months of U.A. had told her otherwise, her first instinct was always going to be to protect her friend.   Even if she and Iz weren’t romantically compatible, she loved her still, as the most important person in her life.  “All set for roughing it?”

Izzy closed her eyes and nodded.  “I believe so,” she said.  “My parents were concerned, of course, but ultimately convinced that I would be in good hands.”

Of course they were. Katsumi nearly rolled her eyes. Izzy’s parents were crazy protective sometimes.  Nearly all the time, actually.  She’d have thought they’d have learned by now.   Best not to think about it, it would just make her angry.

“Any idea where they’re taking us?” she asked instead.  Even without Villains after the Hero classes, U.A. had stopped publicizing the location of its Training Camps years ago.  It was a lot safer that way.  Not that she’d been able to get anything out of Dad.  He’d cited “tradition” as being the reason he couldn’t tell her.  She was also sure getting on her nerves was also one of the reasons.

Izzy shook her head. “I am afraid I have no idea.  We shall just have to see.”

Katsumi just laughed. “Ah, well.  Worth a shot.”

In the meantime, she could see the Class Representatives making the rounds, with Toshi and Tokyami talking to the members of their class, and Kana and Awase talking to theirs. She could see Aizawa too, off to the side and in consultation with 1-B’s teacher, Super-Ball.  She couldn’t hear what was being said, but Aizawa was giving the rubber-bodied Hero a death glare and looking like he wanted to be absolutely anywhere else on the planet.  Super-Ball was talking animatedly and occasionally elbowing Aizawa in the side. Given what she’d heard about Super-Ball, her sympathy was entirely with Aizawa.  

“Five hundred yen says Aizawa wraps his head up to stop him from talking,” she said to Izzy.

Izzy shook her head again. “What is it you would say? “That’s a sucker’s bet?’”

Katsumi laughed again. “You are listening.”  She doubted Izzy had ever seen that small an amount of money in her life anyway.

Around them, most of the class was in its usual friendship groups.  She could see Shinso babbling to Haimawari, who was indulging the hyperactive, purple-haired kid, nodding occasionally at whatever he was going on about. Sero, Sato, and Ojiro were talking as always, probably discussing content for their damned web show. The Iida twins and the new girl with the wings, Kocho, were watching the discussion with something somewhere between amusement, fascination, and confusion.  Mineta was talking to Koda, while Aoyama and Shoji stood a little bit apart from the rest of the class.  One person she did notice was missing though.  It wasn’t until she looked around until she noticed…

“Hey, Iz?” Katsumi asked.

“Yes?”

“Why the hell is Kaminari hanging out with Monoma?”  Izzy was friends with the electric dumbass.  There was a decent chance she’d known what was going on.  

“I cannot say,” Izzy told her.  

“But you know,” she pressed.  

“Chihiro has asked that I not speak of it.”

“…What.”

***

“What?” Chihiro asked, as Monoma slipped the bracelet around her wrist.  It had been made in the kumihimo style, she could tell, yellow with just a little bit of black in it, like her hair.  She wasn’t sure they were at the gift-giving stage of… whatever it was exactly they were doing.   They’d gone out once.  

Which had been nice, she actually had to admit.  Nothing fancy, just a walk and some ice cream, but he’d turned out to be surprisingly good company.  When he wasn’t being a competitive asshole or didn’t have Kirishima-Bakugo around to rile him up, he could actually be a decent guy, and even pretty funny.   He was smarter than her, that much was sure, and ridiculously well-read, but he didn’t lord it over her and listened when she talked, especially about music, he actually asked questions and wanted to know more.  He’d been more encouraging during that walk that he’d been in the entirety of the time she’d known him before.

More vulnerable too. He’d been damn close to quitting before he’d talked to her.  And then there was the way he talked about his classmates and how much potential he saw in all of them…

She was beginning to understand what Mika had seen in the guy.  Granted, Mika’s type was “alive,” but she was actually beginning to see why Koda willingly associated with him.  

They’d talked on the phone and texted more on top of that.  She’d actually found herself looking forward to it.  Chihiro was well aware she was no amazon with pneumatic boobs like Mika or Sora Iida, or even a girly fashionista like Ojiro.  She was relatively plain, her curves barely there. She was fit, but hardly a paragon of physical fitness, and she was never going to be the smartest person on the planet. Even her Quirk wasn’t that impressive without lots of Support Gear.

Having someone actually interested in her, for who she was, when there were so many other better options available was still a surprise.

“It’s a gift,” Monoma said. “I made it myself.”   He smiled, sheepishly.  “I watch a lot of tutorials on Viewtube, so I can pick up other skills. You never know when it might come in handy.  Besides, it’s more than that.  It’s a promise.”

“A promise of what?” Chihiro cast a few nervous glances around.  Someone—Ojiro probably—was probably already noticing she’d been talking with Monoma for a while now and speculating wildly. Several of Class 1-B were definitely already looking at her.  

She wasn’t exactly as embarrassed by the thought of people finding out she was dating him as she’d have thought, but she’d kind of wanted to control the message.  But he’d been so insistent on giving her the bracelet before the busses arrived…

“It’s an apology too, for my earlier behavior, but it is a promise,” Monoma said, “that I won’t kiss you again.”  He leaned in close, and his voice dropped to a whisper. “Until you kiss me first.”  She was pretty sure she heard Fukidashi gasp.

Well, wasn’t that presumptuous of him?  Why was he so pretty when he was being so arrogant?  “Don’t,” she breathed, her Cords rising up reflexively, sparks dancing on the tips, “don’t you mean “unless?’”

He gave her one of those all too confident smiles, his eyes practically twinkling.  “Giving up on us so soon?”

Chihiro flushed red and couldn’t find the words to respond to that.

***

Toshi looked down at the clipboard he was carrying, nodded, and looked over to Asuka.  “That everybody?” he asked.

“It is,” Asuka told him, checking her own clipboard.  Frog-Shadow was sitting on her shoulder, looking vaguely bored.  “Everyone’s here, everyone’s luggage is accounted for, and the buses should be here in about ten minutes.”

“Good,” he said. Being Class Representative came with a lot of responsibilities, but his classmates made it easy.  None of them put him through half has much as their parents’ class had put Uncle Tenya through.  The worst he usually had to do was keep Katsumi from killing Mineta when the latter was being particularly aggravating or mediate a conflict between Aoyama and Sero.  It helped that he’d known the majority of them for years and understood their eccentricities.  

“Okay!” Toshi called out. “Everybody listen up!”  It took a moment—Sero was being especially chatty—but eventually, everyone did quiet down, with Kaminari hurriedly joining the group at the end.

“Thank you,” Asuka told them.  “Toshi and I both want you to know we expect all of you to be on your best behavior during the Training Camp.  Aizawa-Sensei wishes for us to emphasize that there will be severe consequences for misbehavior.”

“He was really scary when he said it!” Frog-Shadow piped in.  

“He was,” Toshi agreed, shuddering at the memory.  “But I know you’re all mature, responsible individuals who can be counted on not to do anything stupid.”

“How’d you manage to say that right a straight face, Toshi?” Katsumi asked, arms crossed, grinning smugly.

“It wasn’t easy,” he admitted.  “Now, any last questions?”

Mineta’s hand went up.

“That aren’t about fraternization during the camp?”

Mineta’s hand went down. Toshi breathed a sigh of relief.

He turned around and looked over to where Aizawa and Super-Ball were.  “All set,” he called out.  He heard Kana Tetsutetsu do the same.  

The two teachers walked over so they were standing in front of the two classes.  “Thanks, Class Reps!” Super-Ball said, grinning broadly. He spread his arms in an expansive gesture.  “Is everybody ready for a summer of fun?!”

Silence greeted him.

“That’s right!” 1-B’s teacher went on, as though they’d responded.  “Well that’s too bad, because Aizawa canceled all the fun.  Your friendly neighborhood bouncing ball tried to talk him out of it, but well, you try arguing with that face.  C’mon, make the face, Aizawa.”

Aizawa’s expression did not change.

“Yeah,” Super-Ball said. “That’s the one.  Seriously, though, you guys are gonna work really hard. But I know you can do it, and you’re gonna be better for it!  And we’ve got one extra surprise for you.   You want to take this one, Aizawa?”

“Right,” Aizawa said flatly. “In addition to Fujii and myself, your new Heroics teacher will also be accompanying us.”

A dozen plus conversations broke out among the two classes, as they began to speculate who that might be. Toshi had known that with Grandpa Might becoming the new principal, they were looking to fill the slot, but he hadn’t known for sure that anyone had accepted the job.  The weird thing was, neither Katsumi nor Shota seemed surprised by the news.  

“Who is it?” Rika Bondo, the blue slime girl from 1-B, asked.  

“That’s be me.”

“Uncle Kachan?!” Toshi stammered out.  Uncle Kachan had appeared almost out of nowhere, no less stealthy for his recent injury.  He was dressed comfortable, in civilian clothes, but still looked ready to take on any challenge that might come his way.  There was the slightest of limps to his step, but you had to be really looking to notice it.

But never, in a million years, would he have thought he’d be their new teacher!  

Someone had let out a girlish shriek.  “Oh, man, Monoma!” Anime Fukidashi giggled.  “You should have seen the look on your face!”

“Oh no, oh no, oh no, we’re all going to die,” Sero wailed.  He’d gone a distinctly paler shade of pink.  

“Well,” Toshi heard Izumi say, “this is unexpected.”

“This is… wow…” Haimawari trailed off.

“Guys? Seriously?  I think Monoma’s broke.  He hasn’t moved for, like, a minute.”  Fukidashi’s voice carried over all the others.  “Tetsutetsu, maybe you want to smack him?”

“I’m fine, dammit!” Monoma snapped.   All eyes were instantly on him.   He gulped nervously.  “My… apologies, Senseis.”

Uncle Kachan didn’t seem to care and Aizawa was as impassive as ever.    

“Breathe, kid,” Super-Ball said.   “He’s legally prohibited from killing you.”   He winked.  “But you’d be surprised what you can live through.”

Uncle Kachan looked over at Aizawa.  “Is he always like this?”

Aizawa just sighed. “This is actually one of his more sedate days.”

“And you didn’t think to mention that, you sorry excuse for a hobo?!”

“If I have to suffer, so do you.”

“You two do know I can hear you, right?” Super-Ball asked, though he didn’t sound offended.  “And so can they?  The impressionable children?”

Uncle Kachan sighed, then turned his attention to them.  “I’m not big on speeches.  So I’m just letting you all know now, All Might was the good cop.  I’m the bad cop.  And I’m gonna work you all like you’ve never been worked before!”

Several of the students gasped.  Toshi was pretty sure he saw Monoma look faint.  Katsumi just grinned that grin she did before she punched someone.  

Anything else was cut off as the automated buses arrived, one of which seemed a bit larger than the other, probably to accommodate Kentaro Fukui, the nearly three meters tall member of 1-B.   “About time,” Aizawa said.  “Get your luggage loaded and then get on the bus.  Class 1-A in the first bus, Class 1-B in the second.  We leave in ten, with or without you.”

***

It didn’t take long for the buses to get underway.  Aizawa was seated in the front of the bus, Uncle Katsuki in the back.  The various couples in the class were sitting together, as were the usual friends like Chihiro and Mineta and Isamu and Shota, while Asuka was sitting with their new classmate Kocho.  Their odd numbers meant that Shoji was sitting alone, though he didn’t seem bothered by it.  And, of course, Izumi was sitting with Katsumi.

Izumi turned to look at her friend.  “So,” she said, “I am assuming you knew about this?”

Katsumi smirked at that. “Oh yeah.  All Might offered him the job a couple of days after the break started.  He thought about it for maybe a day tops before he said yes.”

“Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

That earned her another smirk from Katsumi.  “You didn’t ask.”

A smile spread across Izumi’s face and a small giggle escaped her lips.  “That is true,” she said.  “I did not.”

“Besides,” Katsumi added, “he swore me to secrecy.”

Uncle Katsuki would certainly be a… different teacher than All Might, she was sure.  But he was Japan’s Number Four Hero, with numerous Villain captures and cases solved behind him.  The media often liked to paint him as a volatile brawler, but she knew there was far more to him than that.

Izumi nodded.  “He has a wealth of experience to offer.  I am sure he will take to the role readily.” More importantly, Izumi was glad to see that Uncle Katzuki was doing well and getting back to something approximating normal.  With traumatic injuries like he had experienced, it took a truly exceptional individual to come back from them.  But then again, her father often said that Uncle Katsuki had “more guts than sense.”  She was reasonably certain that he had not meant it was a compliment—especially as her mother had swatted him for saying it—but guts were definitely required here.

“Yeah, well…” Katsumi trailed off.  Her dear friend rarely allowed herself to be vulnerable, and even here, it was only for the briefest of moments.  “Beats having him mope around the house while he’s taking medical leave.”

Medical leave, not retirement.  That was potentially promising sounding.  “They are hopeful for a more functional prosthetic?”   Katsumi had told her that her father’s Quirk made traditional prosthetics unwieldy for long term use, but that Doctor Shield and Mei Hatsume were working on a better one.

Katsumi shrugged. “Nothing yet.  They really don’t know if he’ll ever…”  Her voice started to crack, but she was fighting it.  She so hated to show weakness in front of anyone, even her.

Izumi reached over and gave her friend’s hand a squeeze.  Katsumi returned the grip, mindful that Izumi was not as strong as she. No other words needed to be said. As always, they would have each other’s back.

“But yeah,” Katsumi went on, her tone shifting back to something more in line with her usual self, “in the meantime, he’s going to make everybody here’s life hell.”  She looked around the bus.  “Pretty sure Aoyama and Sero might die.  Maybe Monoma too.”  That caused her to snicker.  “Did you see his face?”

“I did,” Izumi said, her tone carefully neutral.  She did not wish to encourage Katsumi’s delight in the misfortunate of others, though that was probably a battle she would not win.  But Uncle Katsuki would likely be an unrelenting taskmaster, and she knew she could expect no favors or special treatment due to her friendship with Katsumi or her own limitations.

Limitations she would not have were it not for her grandfather.

No.  She could not dwell on that now.  She had learned much, but she was still deciding what to do with that information.  Izumi had not even mentioned her visit with her grandfather to her parents. Mercifully, Chihiro and Mineta had not pressed her for details, respecting her privacy.  Soon, she hoped, when she had time to grapple with the reality of it, she would tell her friends.  But for now, she needed to focus on getting stronger.  She would need all her wits about her for the camp ahead.

***

“Anxious?” Asuka asked Kocho.  Frog-Shadow was dozing on her lap.  Long rides always had that effect on her familiar.  She knew their new classmate was already friends with Toshi, Haimawari, Sero, Ojiro, and Sato, but as elected Vice-Representative and unofficial “Class Mom”, she too had a duty to reach out to her, so she’d volunteered to sit with her for the bus ride while the others paired off.  Frog-Shadow had been upset that she wasn’t going to sit next to Shoji, but her other half had to learn that, even with their increased cooperation, she couldn’t always get what she wanted.

The moth-girl shook her head.  “Yes,” she said.  “Sorry, did I just contradict myself?”  Her wings were folded around her as much as she could make them, taking up the majority of her seat.

“A bit,” Asuka told her. “But understandable.  Are you comfortable?  I don’t mind pulling up the arm rest.”

“I’m fine,” Kocho said. “Little close, but it doesn’t hurt. This is still nicer than taking the city bus.”  She gave Asuka a reassuring smile.  

Asuka flipped up the armrest anyway and Kocho let her wings spread out a small amount.  “I won’t say your anxiety is unwarranted,” she said.  The truth of others experiences and feelings was not open for debate.  “But this is very standard for the Hero Courses.  They find a few Heroes or a Hero team from outside the school, so that they can bring a fresh perspective to our training, and under our teachers’ guidance, push us to increase the strength and versatility of our Quirks and skills.  It will be exhausting… but ultimately rewarding.”

She looked down at the sleeping frog on her lap.  Nothing but peace and contentment flowed through their link.  Asuka was determined to enjoy it while she could.  It wouldn’t last long once Frog-Shadow was awake. “Though what exactly they can do with this little one, I’m not sure.”

Kocho chuckled at that. “Any idea who they got to teach this year’s then?  Or is that one of those ‘rational deceptions’ Deku and Shinso were trying to warn me about?”

“They keep it a secret,” Asuka told her.  “Though it’s not a rational deception in this case.  It’s really more of just a U.A. tradition.  They like keeping us on our toes.”

This got a nod. “Makes sense, I guess.  Any idea what they were talking about then?”

Asuka could hazard a guess. “You probably don’t have to worry about that,” she said.  “If they try to drop us off a cliff, you can fly.”

“You’re, you’re joking about that, right?” Kocho asked, dark eyes going wide.  “Tell me you’re joking!”

“Not at all,” she replied. She put a finger to the side of her beak in thought.  “I’m told it wasn’t a particularly big cliff, though.”

“I still can’t tell if you’re joking or not,” Kocho replied.

“She doesn’t joke,” Frog-Shadow said sleepily, stirring on her lap. “She’s the most boring person alive!  I’m the fun one in this relationship!”

Asuka looked down to glare at her living Quirk.  “And here I was enjoying the peace and quiet.”  She shook her head.  “But I doubt there will be any surprises like that at this Training Camp.”

***

They’d been on the road for about three hours and the anxiety in the bus had practically become a palpable thing.  They’d made two stops already for bathroom and snack breaks and Isamu was fairly certain most of his classmates were going to jump out of their skin every time. About the only people who weren’t waiting for the other shoe to drop were Kocho, who didn’t know any better, and Shinso, who didn’t seem to see Aizawa in the same way as everyone else.  Between their parents stories of school and their own experiences so far this year (Sending real—albeit reformed—Villains after them?  What?), they were all rightfully paranoid.

Granted, his parents had known Aizawa too, even if they hadn’t been his students.  They’d said he was gruff, but fair, and had actually been supportive of the work they’d done, despite them being Vigilantes.  That somehow didn’t make him any less scary.

Throughout the trip, Shinso had kept up a steady stream of talk about Heroes and recent Hero events. Isamu had nodded along politely to a lot of it, occasionally adding to the conversation, but mostly letting the smaller boy talk.  The two of them had gotten into a debate though, over whether Shoto or Gale Force was cooler, when Shinso had brought up a recent team-up the two of them had had.  

Shinso had been rather insistent that Shoto was cooler, especially because of the fast way he could take down Villains without anyone being hurt.  Isamu, on the other hand, had gone to the mat for Gale Force, liking the Hero’s larger than life personality and All Might level of cheer. It had been a friendly debate, though neither one of them was backing down from their position.

The two of them were sitting more towards the back of the bus.  Occasionally, Shinso would look back to where Ground Zero was sitting, his arms crossed, and looking vaguely irritated, occasionally smiling a very familiar smile, as though enjoying some private joke.  It was the same one Kirishima-Bakugo made before she punched something.  The Number Four Hero was their new Heroics teacher?  Ground Zero certainly had a reputation as having a hair trigger temper, but there was no denying that he was also really good at what he did.  The look on his face suggested he was going to get far too much enjoyment out of putting them through their paces.

He’d survived Kirishima-Bakugo this long.  How much worse could it be?

“Toshi!  Toshi!” Shinso piped up.  “You’ve gotta settle this!  Who’s more awesome?  Shoto or Gale Force?”

Midoriya was across the aisle from them, sitting with his girlfriend.  Sora Iida was leaning against him, absorbed in some technical manual. Midoriya was definitely making progress. Not that long ago, that much prolonged physical contact would have had him shaking like a leaf.

Isamu was hoping to get some time with his girlfriend as well, this trip.  Kana had loved the signed Godzillo statue he’d brought back for her from I-Island (He didn’t tell her he’d lost the first one) and they’d managed to see a marathon of his movies between his return and the leaving for the camp.  Hopefully, she wouldn’t be too busy wrangling her class that they couldn’t share a few moments of their limited downtime.

“Oh no,” Midoriya said quickly, “I’m not getting dragged into this.  Besides, I’m a Lemillion guy.”

“Not one of the choices,” Isamu told him, chuckling.  Leave it to Midoriya not to take sides.  

“I stand by my statement,” Midoriya told him.  

“Aw,” Shinso said, pouting, “you were supposed to agree with me!”

Midoriya just laughed. “Maybe next time, Shota.”

Before they could continue, the bus came to a stop.  Isamu checked the time on his phone. They’d been traveling a while now; it had been a little over an hour since their last stop.  They’d left the main roads behind after the second stop, taking back roads, until they’d pulled through a long stretch of wooded areas.  He was pretty sure he’d seen more than a few security cameras mostly hidden in the trees.  

He could see some kind of big building out the front of the bus window, and what looked like several smaller buildings spread across a well maintained lawn.  Beyond them, he could see more woods and maybe a lake.  

“Either of you recognize this place?” he asked Midoriya and Shinso.  “Is it an Agency?”

“I don’t know,” Shinso admitted.  “But it looks pretty cool!  Whoever owns this place has to be awesome!”

Midoriya’s eyes widened slightly, his mouth making a small o before a grin broke out across his face.  “Oh!  So that’s who they got!”  

“You’re not going to tell us, are you?” Isamu asked.

“Nope!” Midoriya said. Isamu hadn’t seen that mischievous a look in his eyes before.  “Don’t want to spoil the surprise.”

***

Katsumi looked around as the classes and teachers disembarked.  It was a big complex for sure.  Not exactly roughing it, though the woods around the buildings might hold some surprises, and one of the buildings looked like fairly utilitarian barracks.  It all looked vaguely familiar though.  She’d never been here, at least, not that she could recall, but she was sure she’d seen it somewhere.  Had Toshi shown her pictures?  She wouldn’t have put it past him.  Despite basically having Hero-stuff as the background radiation for his life, he still ate, drank, and slept it.

There were four Heroes waiting for them.  One was a man with spikey, sandy blonde hair, wearing a black bodysuit that left his arms bare, with silver boots, shoulder pads, belt, and bracers.  With him, there was a brown-haired woman in a pink costume that looked damn close to a princess dress decorated with darker pink hearts, who was even wearing a tiara.  Them, she recognized, Ravenous and Lady Lumious.  Ravenous had briefly been one of Papa’s sidekicks.  He even looked a bit like Uncle Tetsu, though they weren’t related.

The other man was blond, tall, with a costume in dark blue, with red highlights, boots, and gloves, along with small, gold pipe-like structures on his arms.  

Ah. So that’s who they got this year.

“Oh, shit,” she heard Monoma gasp.  Katsumi resisted the urge to cackle.  He was having a bad day for surprises.

“Why so down, little cousin?” the man in red and blue, the Hero called Boost Rush, Daichi Monoma, asked. He was a tall man, towering over his cousin.    

“I am the average height for my age!” Monoma snapped back.  “You could have at least told me you were going to be here!”

“And spoil the surprise?” Boost Rush asked.  He had the same arrogant, Monoma sneer all of them seemed to master.  Katsumi had to fight the urge to laugh again. �� Monoma’s misfortunes were always funny. On the other hand, he hadn’t actually bothered her in months, no since his failed confession, so she could at least make an effort not to laugh at him when he could hear.

Katsumi’s eyes fell on the last of the four, a woman with light brown hair, who wore a costume in black, green, and orange.  There was more than a passing resemblance to Dad’s costume.  Her light brown hair was done up in twintails.  She had her arms crossed and was smirking.  It was an expression very similar to the one Katsumi and her dad often wore.

Katsumi, at the front of the group of students, gave her a smirk right back.  “They must be getting pretty desperate to turn to you, Old Lady.”

The woman’s expression instantly shifted to rage.  She pointed a finger at Katsumi.  “Still got a mouth on you, don’t you, Brat?  Well, we’ve got two weeks to beat it out of you.”

“You could try,” Katsumi shot back.  “Won’t you have to go to bed too early for that though?”

“Show some respect for your elders!”

“So you admit you’re old?” By now, several of her classmates and 1-B students were staring at her in open surprise.   Some, like Sero and Kaminari, had taken several steps back and away from her.  Toshi just looked mortified, while Aizawa was burying his head in his hands.  Even Lady Luminous and Ravenous looked vaguely puzzled.

“And so it begins,” Dad growled.  “Ladies, can we wrap this up?”

“I will when she takes that back.”

Dad just sighed. “Mahoro, you and I both know that’s never going to happen.  Can we just get on with it?”

Mahoro Shimano, also known as Vanish Veil, just grinned, but gave Katsumi a look.  “This isn’t over, Brat.”

Katsumi smirked right back. “Bring it, Old Lady.”

Aizawa cleared his throat. “If we’re all done?” he asked.  He didn’t wait for an answer.  “As some of you have figured out, this facility and the surrounding wilderness is a training facility used by the Rookies, a loose configuration of Pro-Heroes and Sidekicks, many of whom attended U.A. together, and of which Water Spout and Doc Clock are also members. They’ve got a varied skillset and are also some of the best trainers in the country; Agencies frequently send their new Sidekicks to them for additional instruction.  You will listen to them, you will follow their instruction, and you will not fight with them, no matter your previous or personal relationships with them.”   He gave Katsumi and Monoma an extra-long glare.  

“Now…” Aizawa went on.

He didn’t get to finish. “U.A. Hero students… think you’re pretty high and mighty, don’t you?” a voice, a girl’s voice, broke in.  Whoever it was, they weren’t one of the Rookies. There were five of them, she realized, coming out of the building.  Katsumi instantly tensed for a fight, wishing she had the gauntlets from her costume.

The seeming leader of the group took a step forward.  She was large, and powerfully built. “We’ll show you all how weak you really are.”

[calocera]

SPOILERS FOR CATS 2019, here’s my hot takes and opinions

be warned, THIS IS LOOOONG

First off my overall opinion, i LITERALLY cannot say whether it was good or bad, like lots of critics say it just...is beyond that. It’s VERY fun and that’s all I can bring myself to say, I have LOTS of problems with it but I can’t even say that they make the movie bad. It is definitely worth watching

OPINIONS ON CHARACTERS:

Victoria: she’s good! I appreciate that they kinda left her personality blank other than her innocence since that’s pretty much how she always was, still not super thrilled with her as a main character but franchesca did the best she could

Munkustrap: I loved him! he was more of a main character than I would have expected, but they STILL cut all the charm from his lines... why do I love him then? Robbie fairchild did AMAZING background acting, whenever he was in frame he was always doing something SUPER munkustrap-y and making cute dad faces. he was dealt bad lines but he worked around it best he could. Also his legs were normal so...epic fail

Mistoffelees: 😒😒😒😒😒🤢🤢🤮 disappointed but not at all surprised...he was just a Woobie, a softboy uwu nice guy. I felt like I was seeing fanon 2013 loki in cat form. THEY MADE HIS SONG A SADBOY PITY PARTY SONG...WHY WOULD YOU MAKE THE 11 O’CLOCK NUMBER SLOW AND SAD???? Where is the smug little shit who’s vague and aloof yet confident and joyous? He was murdered by his evil homophobic shadow clone. I’m not even gunna indulge the fact that him and Victoria were a thing, I’ll go over that later. He also just constantly looked like the crying cat meme his eyes were so red and watery it was horrifying, yet somehow he wasn’t the worst character , that leads us too.....

tugger: what.the.fuck.did.you.do.to.this.boy. HE GOT THE TREATMENT I EXPECTED FOR MUNKUSTRAP! HE WAS DEMOTED TO BACKGROUND CHARACTER! not only did he not sing mr. mistoffelees, he literally did nothing other than his song, he never interacted with ANY characters besides jenny in 1 scene. I know cats has no set main characters but he’s undoubtedly one of the most important characters and he’s like...the least important named character in the movie. ALSO Jason Derulo was not sexy at all. There was NO hip thrusting NO sexy meowing NO glamrock, he was just an asshole and if I hadn’t already seen the original I would have either completely forgotten about his character or though he was the worst character. I’m so fucking angy I cannot express.

Girzzabella: ngl I expected better. Her acting was great but with the horrible effects I couldnt get invested but I’ll touch on the effects later. Her singing was good, but I expected it to carry the movie and it wasn’t at all the best song in the movie, I’d say she’s about as good as I expected she’d be but the movie itself was more enjoyable than I expected so she was less significant

Old d: she was fine, she LOOKED the part definitely, she didn’t have as large a presence as ken page but I wouldnt expect that of her. Her singing wasn’t the greatest though, her voice is fine by it’s just NOT suited to old d’s songs. I would have preferred she play a female gus bc her voice is very sweet and frail, not at all built for belting like her songs required.

Macavity: he’s just...eh. He’s basically a comic relief villain which sucks. He does practically nothing besides kidnap people, say a cheesy line, and act like a caricature of a 90s cartoon villain (and not one of the fun ones) like theres a scene where he poofs away and when he does it he goes, MACAvityyyyyyy and fades away its so unintentionally funny but it just makes him so lame as a villain. not to mention he doesnt even die at the end or get any satisfying conclusion he just gets stuck on top of a statue and his powers suddenly stop working (for some reason??)

Bombalurina: fuck that, I am simultaneously glad she only was in the macavity number bc fuck off Taylor Swift but also disappointed bc she deserved so much better.

Bustopher: 😟 never in my darkest nightmares did I think I’d see bustopher Jones deepthroat multiple crayfish but here we are. Somehow THIS was the most sexual song, I cannot begin to name the fetishes checked off by this performance bc itd hit word limit. Let me just say that I said multiple times out loud, “damn bustopher kinda a freak with it 😏😏” like I CANNOT stress how weirdly sexual it gets. And ofc its all otherwise just haha funney fat guy eat food and burp and fall down. He also breaks the fourth wall a few times which like, fuck you

Jenny: exactly what was shown in the trailer. Unfunny fat jokes and slapstick humor. Also they focused WAY too many shots on her cat pussy and I wish I was making that up. Also of note is that the cgi on the rats and cockroaches are drastically worse than the rest of the movie, like not just bad designs the effects are BAD. also they translated they whole gumbie cat fur-shedding as her wearing fake skin over her outfit which would be fine but UHH the fake fur is skin tight??? so it literally looks like shes ripping off her skin and she does it multiple times its fucking terrifying

Mungojerrie and rumpelteazer: meh, they are fine as characters, not quite as energetic as I would have liked but they didn’t massively fuck anything up? The song was horrible, they went against the beat for...some reason? Like it’s a song with a very distinct rhythm and they split up the lyrics so weirdly. I liked that they followed through with the lore of them working for macavity

Skimbleshanks: YES YESSSSSSSSSS HOLY FUCKING SHIT 💗💕💖💞💜😳😳😳😳😳😳😳💜���🧡💚💖❤️💗 i absolutely CANNOT express how good skimbleshanks made me feel. He looks like a leather daddy with his chains and suspenders and hat and stache, I hate that I’m saying this but uh...mr skimbleshanks sir😳 we were actually screaming it was so fucking good. Watching this movie was worth it just for skimble. Unironically. I’m listening to the song as we speak. It was kinda weird that they moved the tap dancing to this song but that’s more of a detractor from Jennie’s and a plus side to skimbles since it’s good tap

Gus: good! Ian did a good job of course, no one doubted that he would.

Growltiger and griddlebone: not racist but still absolutely horrifying. One of the worst parts of the movie, I actually got squeamish looking at griddlebone a few times that’s how bad she looks

Everyone else: not that good. I couldn’t tell who was who, all their personalities were annoying, I’m on imdb as we speak trying to figure out who even was supposed to be who. Demeter is completely butchered and jemima just isn’t there, doesn’t sing her part, it all sucked man.

Tech talk:

CGI: okay so here’s the thing, the effects are good. GREAT even, the issue is how fucking horrible the designs are. The lack of cat nose, mouth, and hairy cheeks makes them all look disgusting. Also the feet. Holy fuck why do they have feet. THERES A FUCKING SCENE WHERE TUGGER GRABS VICTORIAS FOOT AND SNIFFS IT. IT LASTS LIKE 5 SECONDS. Old Deuteronomy, Gus, and Cassandra (bc she was already bald) are the only characters I’d say look anywhere close to decent, grizabella looks okay in profile but head on it’s all horrible again. its really such a shame bc the sets are gorgeous! i really hope this movie gets some form of recognition for its sets.

the editing and directing was DOGSHITTTTTTT there are SO many scenes where characters just teleport or parts where people are singing and no ones mouths are moving its really distracting

Other things:

it’s OBVIOUS that the critics calling this movie horny have never seen the original. I’d definitely say the movie is LESS HORNY than the play. It IS however waaaaaaay more uncomfortable with its hornieness, so I’d say in that regard YES, the horny stuff is much more gratuitous and off putting despite there being an overall smaller amount than the play. ie everything bustopher jones does

They changed a BUNCH of lyrics for some reason?? Like they cut verses which I understand but there are like a handful of lyrics in almost every song they just...change. like...okay? All changing lyrics is gunna do is make people who knew the songs frustrated when they can’t sing along

the dancing was incredible! shame the cg just fucking invalidates all of it bc your mind doesnt register it as real people doing real moves

OKAY THE FUCKING CATNIP SCENE so when taylor swift showers everyone in catnip they all just fucking start moaning and go FULL HORNY its TOO MUCH like misto full on does an o face like eyes rolled back mouth open  and munkustrap is like ass up panting i still havent processed it im fucking terrified to encounter it again. they cut the orgy? yet added THIS??? k

WHY did they take 2 of the most iconic characters who FREQUENTLY interact and just

a. Never even have them make eye contact

b. Make 1 a background character

c. Completely change the personality of the other one

On the topic of Victoria/misto: I am just still at a loss as to why they thought it’d be a good idea? They completely removed Plato and for what? This? Pathetic. It’s worth noting the weirdly munkustrap has WAYYY more chemistry with both Victoria AND mistoffelees then they did with each other (there’s a part where it looks like misto and munk are about to kiss for some reason?? munk ALSO gets all touchy feely with skimbleshanks???) anyways munkustrap king moments

tldr; its worth watching, the best parts were the sets, the dancing, skimbleshanks, and munkustrp fucking CARRIES the weight of the world with his face acting. the worst things were a big fat tie between bustopher, tugger,misto,jenny,growltiger and griddlebone, and the godawful design choices

[popculturebuffet]

Ducktales Reboot Reviews: The Dangerous Chemistry of Gandra Dee!

Fenton faces some of his greatest challenges yet: Gizmoduck’s soaring popularity and the possiblity of amour...  oh and the return of his arch enemy but that’s a standard tuesday for a superhero. It’s a Date, don’t let him trick you noooo, under the cut. 

I have to admit something first: I WAS going to cover the other two fentoncentric episodes before I got to this one, as a build up to this weekends episode. The problem though was I realized that this week’s episode is, via word of god, going to cover WHY Gyro hates Fenton , and thus I really can’t dig into Gyro’s behavior in both eps, especially Who Is Gizmoduck? where despite his rational fears of having funding cut, he’s still an uttershithead to fenton and I feel it’d be better served if I waited a little and did the ep sometime after saturday.  So with that bit of expostion you probably didn’t need out of the way: Dangerous Chemistry! This one is a personal faviorite of mine, to the point that when I was bored a week or two ago I watched this one just for fun, and probably will again. That’s not why i’m reviewing it: even if I hadn’t I would rewatch it and planned to for the ones I was going to review, it’s just dumb luck. And part of that is Fenton is one of my faviortes: Lin Manuel Miranda really brings his a game to the character, and the crew really fleshed him out, making him a really likeable, fun, and relatable awkward dork. Another reason is one that should be obvious if you saw my comics reviews when I in vain tried to review each dawn of x comic on a weekly basis before throwing up my hands at the sheer volume: I fucking love super heroes, and Who is Gizmoduck and this very episode are very good superhero stories that still fit well into the ducktales universe, as is the darkwing debut “The Duck Knight Returns!”. And finally the episode also has Huey in a major role and I love my red boy. So with all that stuff out of the way I can dive into the ep itself.  This one, as you probably know but I do like me my context, takes place in the second half of season. While Fenton did show up earlier for fellow instant classic “The 87 Cent Solution!”, he’s otherwise been absent this season. My honest theroy is, rather than Lin being busy, which while he sure as hell is he still squeezes the show in, it’s more a simple fact that season 2 is pretty damn stuffed: looking back at the episode count almost EVERY ONE ties into one of the major arcs of the season (Della’s journey home/struggle to fit into her kids life/ the moonvasion, glomgold’s bet with scrooge and louie inc), and those that don’t either bring in major new characters like the Cablleros or Drake, or touch on previous arcs: Last Christmas! touching on Dewey missing his mom while she’s still missing. Lena’s episodes bringing her back to the world of the living/introducing her sister, and then resolving her fear of magica for now and revealing where Magica’s been, and this ep checking in on fenton. There was just a LOT to do and get through, and Gandra was really the only time sesntive thing Fenton wise they had to absolutley do this season. So while it sucks, I do understand why they did it this way,  I do see why and hold no ill will over it.  And to the crew’s credit they used the fact Fenton had been absent cleverly and had a valid reason why we hadn’t seen him outside of one breif apperance: he’s busy. Simple as that. He’s been superheroing all this time: when we catch up with him he’s outright called burnt out by a c-list weather villian who looks like dr.doofnschmritz but lacks his awkward charm. He even uses the same pun twice. It’s also logical: his literal JOB is to be a superhero, it’s what he’s paid for, and given Duckberg seems ground zero for lunatics, it’s only natural ther’es a bakers dozens with techno gimmicks and costumes floating around trying to beat him up. He’s naturally exausted and i’ts made worse by two factors: His alter ego being all over the news, so even when h’es off work he can’t escape work, and being unable to do science.  And both are clever delimas: a lot of the usual superhero issues are non existant for fenton: while he’s bad at hiding his identity, the only person he really has to hide from is his mom, who we later learn at the end of the season already knows and has come around to it. His job isn’t in remote jeapordy because Gizmoduck IS the job, while he still has full acess to a lab to do the science work he’s always wanted. But he’s starting to see the price for doing the right thing: He’s spent so much time as Gizmoduck.. Fenton has nothing of his own. No time to do science, only two friends, and as a result is exausted and burnt out and yearning for a break.  So thankfully he’s taking one, and in another use of “time has moved on a bit because we didn’t have time for Fenton this season” he and Huey have gone from superhero and biggest fan to best friends. But I let it slide, partly because again the season is overstuffed dand i’ll likelky delve into that more when I get to this seasons arcs at some point, and mainly beause the two have a great dynamic: Huey is supportive, just wants his friend to be okay, and meshes with fenton perfectly: Their both big nerds who people tend ot ignore who get overly excited about science. But Hueys more openly confident while Fenton clearly lacks it at times. It’s a nice eb and flow I hope to see more of. 

HE and Huey are hanging out to do science and stuff, with webby tagging along because why not, and I absolutly love the gag of gizmoduck passing by, Webby not noticing at all and only finding out Fenton and Gizmoduck are the same person because Huey makes a rather big deal abotu the fact Gizmoduck just passed by and Webby is really smart and likes solving shit.  So we quickly get the rest of our setup: At the elctronics store, Fenton has a meet cute (which the juinor woodchuck guidebook of course has an entry on. ) with Gandra Dee, played by guest acress Jameela Jamil, better known from the good place and being the only one to point out “hey emil hirsch beat the shit out of the woman what the fuck” when quinten Tarantino cast him in the otherwise amazing film “Once Upon a Time In Hollywood”, who does a great job here. The two have some romantic tension as she calls fenton a suit and what not, he fires back he is good at sceincing and they schedule what may or may not be a date... with Fenton unaware that Gandra is a spy hired by mark beaks to get the gizmoduck passowrd and use her nanites merged with gizmotech to boost his strength. As you do.  The resulting episode is really damn good: Starting in the obvious place, Fenton and Gandra have a reall good dynamic: besides the obvious oppsoites attract thing: the modernized nerutoic nerd and the rebllious scientest there’s the nice contrast in who they work for: Sure Fenton works for a billionare who DOES use some of his and gyro’s work for fairly self serving things (and I didn't realize the universal solvant was a rosa thing first time around, I learned it between viewings, but it’s a nice mythology gag), but it’s been shown as far back as the pilot that’s he’s more than willing ot help all of duckberg, even if it makes a profit. WHy WOULD he stop gyro or fenton’s research for any reason? He funnels a ton of money into them simply beause he knows for every dozen failures something useful will come out of it and at most simply wants more treasure hunting gear, stuff both can whip up easily and for Fenton to spend most of his time as defender of the city, something Fenton wanted anyway. He’s a good boss... while the billionares Gandra’s working with, Bradford as we learned later and beaks in this episode.. are self serving scumbags who only want innovation for world domination and personal validation. By refusing to have ties with or trust anybody or put in the legwork to find an employer who would give her mostly freedom, she wants complete freedomf or her work in exchange for taking money from truly awful people. She’s no freer than fenton is and her hypcoricy is obvious, without making the character terrible in any way. As the kingpin once said in spiderman the animated series “the best strings are invisble”. While Gandra is well aware of who she’s working for she refuses to see the irony or the possible harm in her actions , and it’ll be intresting to see where her charcter goes from ehre.  As for Beaks, he’s a FAR better threat here than in the past episodes: I didn’t MIND him being a joke villian, though I was horribly disapointed, and he will likely be super dated eventually... but here it finds a nice ballance: While he’s still a whiny manchild, the breaking into the lab sequence is utterly delightful and shows that he’s NOT harmless. He’s at his best, like glomgold, when he’s either off to the side comedic relief, or a mixture of genuinely threatining and utterly moronic. His drinking 80 pounds of senstive chemicals turns him into the hulk and the resulting fight scnees are great, as is his confusion upon taking huey and webby hostage “I have your kids.. I think.. I don’t know how this family works” and his cries of “whose the looser now coach dad” are both funny and offerd our first peak into why he’s so screwed up. And his defeat while rediculous is clever, using his love of fame and his phone against him. Overall a much better showing than the past that so far has kept up into season 3: even if his plan backfired there and was for goofy reasons, it was here too, it only fell apart because he hired someone who hated him and underestiamated how much he’d pissed off graves last time. 

As for Fenton himself, the episod eis a great showcase, besides the before issues his manuvering around both the obvious date the kids set up for him (more on that in a second), and his genuine chemsitry and contrast with gandra are a delight.. as his his dad’s lesuire suit. On top of that the scenes wher ehe chews gandra out are a great bit of acting from Lin manuel Miranda, the hurt and fury in his voice coming through great.  To finish it out Huey is a delight this episode, showing himself to be a suprisingly good romantic for his age, serously violet won the lottery with this one, and while overenthsastic, i’ts still sweet and his friendship with fenton is genuinely heartwarming, as is what has to be the best line of the episode besides the beaks one above Huey: Fenton’s going to be devistated! Webby: (Annoyed) Or kidnapped by spies! Huey: (Dead serious) TWO BAD THINGS COULD HAPPENS! It’s a sweet dyanmic overall and the cherry on top of an utterly fantastic episode. Hopefully the momentum keeps up going into saturday. Until then, later days. Speaking of which.. WHY ISN’T THE WEEKENDERS ON DISNEY PLUS. God I shouldn’t be able to keep thinking of shows that are missing. Anyways, once again later days.  P.S. I almost forgot Launchpads great bit listing off all his exes and confriming that he’s probably bi. It was great. 

[sunkissedpages]

We’re Only Kidding Ourselves- Part Sixteen || Tom Holland x Reader

A/N: okay there is NOT smut in this part I lied but not on purpose that will be next week sljdlkjasjd it got too late for me to include it but that’s a problem for next week me

Prompt: Enemies to lovers au (from @marvelellie‘s 1k writing challenge!!)

Summary: You work as a production assistant for the Spider-Man: Far From Home crew, or rather as Tom Holland’s handler. The two of you don’t get along very well to say the least, but you won’t quit and he can’t fire you so you’re stuck with each other.

Warnings: swearing, mentions of body image issues

What I listened to while writing: the ocean b i t c h

Word Count: 3.7k

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Part Seven | Part Eight | Part Nine| Part Ten | Part Eleven | Part Twelve | Part Thirteen | Part Fourteen | Part Fifteen 

You weren’t a huge fan of beer, but Tom was buying the rounds and that’s what he kept bringing over to the table, and what were you supposed to do? Not drink it? It’d be rude, and turning down free alcohol wasn’t really your style.

After a short, unremarkable dinner at an overpriced tourist spot, the four of you had wound up at a bar, against your better judgement. It was odd to be spending time together as...friends. It was different from the Czech Republic, because now the animosity between you and Tom had been dialed back to almost nothing (aside from the elephant in the room he still didn’t know about), and you were still adjusting to it. The friendly nudges on the shoulder, the laughs sent in your direction, the jokes made at your expense- without any hint of malice. They were all things you’d experienced with Harrison before, but never Tom, and it was disorienting you more than the beer was.

This bar was different from the one the mandatory event had been at two nights ago. No one was in favor of going back there, even if you were the tiniest bit curious about whether DJ would remember you. But after getting shitfaced there last time, everyone thought it was for the best if the group of you went somewhere else, which brought you to this hole in the wall. You had stumbled across it on accident on the way to another bar. The walking GPS had taken the four of you down a narrow alleyway when you passed what you had thought was a garage with loud music pouring out of it. It was another, much lower rated, bar, but they had a live band and that was what sold it.

The band wasn’t half bad and the drummer was kind of cute, but you had to yell across the table to hear each other and it was beyond crowded. The band’s sound reminded you of a small garage band from your hometown that had gotten kind of popular when you were in high school. You couldn’t remember their name, but they played a bunch of gigs at bars and you’d always try to sneak into them with your friends. You’d actually slept with the drummer from that band one winter break in college, so maybe that was why you were so partial to drummers.

At some point in the conversation Harrison excused himself to the bathroom and Tom made another trip to the bar leaving you alone with Harry. Your conversation earlier had been so awkward, that you couldn’t think of anything to say now.

“That picture you took of me sucked,” Harry practically shouted at you, breaking the tension.

You hadn’t been expecting him to say anything and it made you choke in your drink with laughter.

“I thought maybe it could be artsy,” you said defensively, referring to how the different colored lights blended together in the background, obscuring him as the subject.

“No, it was just blurry.”

“Oh, I didn’t know you knew everything about photography,”

“More than you.”

“Fuck off,”

Harry flipped you off from across the table and you whipped out your phone to snap a picture of him before he could put his finger down.

“How’s this one look?” you asked, turning the screen towards him.

“Still awful.”

“Give me break,” you huffed in irritation, earning a chuckle of pity from Harry.

“I’ll teach you, don’t worry.”

You were only halfway through your second Peroni when Tom brought over four more beers, since everyone else had already finished theirs, and slid one of them over to you.You narrowed your eyes in suspicion.

“What are you up to, Holland?” you asked.

He raised his eyebrows at the nickname. “Definitely not trying to get you to spill all of your secrets, that’s for sure,” he laughed.

“I’m an open book,” you said, lying right to his face.

He scrunched his nose and shook his head. “That’s not true. I don’t know anything about you.”

You rolled your eyes and took a sip from the glass you were still working on.  “Are you kidding me? We’ve worked together for months now we know each other.”

“You know all about me, literally everything about me, it’s your job. But I don’t know anything about you.”

“Everyone at this table knows I don’t know everything about you,” you said, trying to defer. “Don’t make me look like a fool twice.”

Tom leaned back and took a swig from his new drink. It wasn’t a threat, but it wasn’t an empty statement either, and by looking into his eyes you knew he understood.

“I wasn’t-“

“Hey guys there’s a pool table in the back,” Harrison interrupted, returning from the bathroom. He paused, looking back and forth between you and Tom, unaware of what he had just walked into. Tom cleared his throat awkwardly. “Do you all, uh, want to play?”

“Sure,” you agreed immediately, not wanting to dive any further into the gray area you'd gotten yourself into with Tom. You downed the rest of your beer and hopped down from the stool, leaving the full one on the table behind you.

You followed Harrison to the back of the bar, weaving through the mass of people holding on to the hood of his sweatshirt so you wouldn’t lose him. Harry and Tom weren’t far behind. If you’d learned anything about the Hollands it was that they were extremely competitive and weren’t ones to turn down a challenge so this game was about to be interesting.

The lighting was dimmer in the back, and the music and conversation sounded distant now, but it was nice. Whoever had been last to play had left in the middle of their game, leaving the billiard balls scattered all around the table.

Harrison and Tom started setting up the game while you grabbed a couple of cue sticks from the wall.

“Me and Harrison versus you and Harry,” Tom said, and clapped hands with Haz who was already on Tom’s side of the table.

“My own blood,” Harry scoffed, feigning offense at not being chosen as Tom’s partner.

“Sorry, mate trying to win,” Harrison shot back with a wicked grin.

Part of you wondered how often Tom favored Haz over Harry and if anyone was keeping count. The other part of you was a little offended that you were so clearly the teammate to get stuck with. Another thing to bring you back to high school, when you’d get picked last in gym class because of your reputation for your athleticism, or lack thereof.

You fought the urge to roll your eyes in annoyance. “I’m standing right here.”

“Please tell me your pool skills are better than your photography skills,” Harry pleaded and you shot him a look.

“Guess you’ll have to hope for the best, since you’re stuck with me.”

All the boys knew your coordination skills weren’t...the best. Your reputation of clumsiness had certainly followed you everywhere, but they didn’t know you used to sneak into bars when you were in high school, and that there was a pool table inside of every single one.

“Ladies first,” Tom said, and removed the triangle mold from the table.

You didn’t respond, only brushed past him to get to the head of the table.

You placed the white ball on the felt and aimed your cue stick at it. With a swift hit, it rolled into the middle and knocked the colored balls on the table in all directions. Luckily, an orange ball rolled into the far left pocket, making you and Harry the solid team.

You went for another, but missed. Harry clapped you on the back anyway, clearly impressed you had scored any points at all.

“Nice, y/n,” Harrison complimented once your turn was over, but you ignored him.

“Mate, whose team are you on?” Tom asked with a nudge to Harrison. He shrugged defensively and pushed Tom back, signaling to him that it was his turn.

Tom rolled his head and shoulders dramatically as he approached the corner where the white ball sat. He angled himself loosely, but purposefully in front of it and wasted no time sending it colliding into a ball with a green stripe. Everyone held their breath as it rolled toward the same pocket yours had gone into and you exhaled in defeat when it tipped over the edge and into the woven net.

The whole game was like that, one shot after another, a point and then a miss, making it a close game the whole time. You could hold your own, but the boys had been in plenty more bars than you had and you were all varying levels of drunk, with you on the tipsier side. Everyone was joking and talking shit about each other and somewhere in the middle of the game you actually started to have fun again. You got to show off a trick move your dad had taught you when you were first learning that had them losing their shit, begging you to do it again with their phones out and pointed at you.

Somehow you and Harry pulled it off with you scoring double points towards the very end and him finishing it off with the eight ball on his next turn.

“Don’t say I never did anything for you,” you said, pointing at Harry after he’d had taken a victory lap around the table.

“I’m sorry I doubted you,” he apologized with admittance.

“You should be I just kicked all of your asses and I can do it again,” you declared, not hearing how your words were starting to slur.

“You did not we were tied for most of it,” Tom argued. “And I’m drunk.”

“We’re all drunk,” you corrected him. “You’re just a sore loser.”

“Accept your loss with dignity, mate,” Harry smirked and tipped his glass back, draining the remainder of beer from it.

“I’m impressed with your skills, y/n,” Harrison said, holding out his hand for a shake. “Good game.”

You just looked at his hand out in front of you. “I’m also good at skeeball.”

The next few days in Italy passed without much incident. There was still chatter on set about your mistake with the headset, which you always double checked was off now, which you probably should have been doing before. You didn’t even talk over headset that often and after yesterday you wanted to use it as little as possible. You were worried that as soon as it cut off whoever was on the other side of the line would just start talking about you, but it wasn’t like there was anything you could do about it.

You never heard about it from anyone above you, though. None of your bosses on set or back at HQ ever contacted you about anything out of the ordinary, so at least you still had a job. It was probably too awkward for anyone to bring up, which was equally as horrifying as it was relieving.

Every time Tom came up to you you were sure he was going to say something to you about the dream, but everyone was being surprisingly tight-lipped about the whole ordeal, which was unusual for the film industry.

Most of the cast apart from Tom and Jake Gyllenhaal left two days before the crew, getting a few days off before they were due in New York. As much as you missed all the horrible fast food there you weren’t as excited to go back to the States as you thought you’d be, even though it meant you were one step closer to this job being over.

You spent the morning of the last day in Venice packing most of your things so you wouldn’t have to do it ridiculously early tomorrow. Tom’s stuff was still absolutely everywhere, he had yet to pack any of it, and you wondered how this boy managed to get anywhere without losing half of his stuff. You were tempted to start doing the packing for him, but knew he’d only be pissed if you did. He was one of those people who believed that every thing had its place and you knew you’d get it wrong if you tried. Plus, things had been going well between the two of you the past few days and you didn’t want to ruin that by letting your handler side get the better of you.

You were almost out the door to meet everyone downstairs for the day when you got a message from Tom, asking you to approve an Instagram post for his feed. You smiled to yourself when you saw it was the picture you’d taken of him that night before dinner. It had only barely been touched by a filter, making the whole picture a little brighter. You liked the way it made his eyes look, and you liked the fact that he had been looking at you.

He’d tagged Harry in the picture and the caption, since he couldn’t tag you of course (he didn’t even follow you) which you thought was a little overkill, but you sent him an approval message anyway since you were running late and everything else looked fine.

When Watts called wrap at the end of the day it felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders. You couldn’t wait to get back to the room and just read for the rest of the night. Maybe order room service.

Everyone clapped like they did when it was a full wrap day since production was moving to a new location and you usually didn’t like to glorify the actors more than they already were, but you joined in, clapping for yourself since you had made it so far, and through so much.

As soon as you were curled up on your side of the bed with your book Tom came crashing into the room from where ever he had just been bursting with energy. He rambled to you about dinner with Watts and Jake and how he and the boys were going to go up to the pool  on the roof to go night swimming and about the flight the next day and everything in between.You were only able to follow about half of it, nodding where you thought was appropriate and working in ‘uh huhs’ when you had the energy..

It wasn’t Tom’s fault that his presence commanded so much attention, but you wished that at least once he could walk into a room without captivating everything and everyone in it.

“You should come to the pool with us,” Tom said, popping his head out of the bathroom where he’d been talking to you from.

“Isn’t it cold?”

“It’s a heated pool.”

You shook your head with uncertainty. “My swimsuit is at the bottom of my suitcase,” you protested.

“Come on, it’s our last night in Italy. Don’t you want to make some memories? It’ll be fun, I promise.”

You scrunched up your face, and Tom smirked because he knew you couldn’t say no to him, boss or not. “Fine.” His face lit up with victory. “I’ll meet you up there.”

You stood from the bed with a sigh one the door had shut behind Tom. Digging through your suitcase was even more difficult than you thought it’d be, and clothes were all over the floor once you found your bikini.

Putting it on was a chore as well because as much as you liked the print and color of it, it had taken you a long time to feel comfortable in a swimsuit, and sometimes it was still difficult to shrug off the insecurities that prickled in the back of your mind.

You took one of the clean towels from the bathroom and wrapped it around your body, hoping you wouldn’t run into any other guests in the hall on your way upstairs. Since the pool was only one floor up, you took the stairs, bracing yourself for the crowd of people sure to be out there. It was empty, aside from the boys who were already in the pool, batting around some sort of sports ball.

What you hadn’t been prepared for, though, was the view, and the chill. You wrapped your towel tighter around you, not sure if it would do any good, and took a step closer to the railing. The boys had yet to notice you and you took the opportunity to admire your surroundings. As much as you were relieved to be leaving the city tomorrow, you couldn’t deny that Venice was beautiful, especially at night. Small clusters of stars twinkled around the sky, and the moon hung low, partially hidden behind some distant buildings.

It was mostly dark, but a few windows were lit from within. You imagined parents tucking their children into bed who had stayed up past their bedtime, friends pouring themselves another glass of wine, and lovers putting on an old record and swaying to the rhythm until the needle reached the center.

“Y/n, you made it!” Harrison’s familiar voice called from behind you, and you turned, ripping yourself away from the city and all it’s untold stories.

“I did,” you said awkwardly and cleared your throat. The boys were clearly waiting for you to join them, but you were still standing off to the side with a towel wrapped around your body.

As quickly as humanly possible you unwrapped the towel from yourself unceremoniously and dropped it onto an adjacent pool chair. You felt pairs of eyes taking over your body, but you weren’t sure who they belonged to.

Not bothering to prolong what was already a painful process, you stepped down into the water until you were level with the rest of them, meeting eyes with Tom, waiting for him to take the lead.

He hesitated. You realized that for once the positions of power had been switched and instead of you being the one to tell him what to do, he was going to be telling you. You hoped the power wouldn’t go to his head.

“What about Marco Polo?” he suggested and everyone kind of rolled their eyes. “Anyone got any better ideas?”

No one did, so Marco Polo it was. Tom was it first since he had suggested it and everyone spread out as far as they could across the length of the pool. It wasn’t very big, which made the game pretty easy.

Tom’s arms weren’t very long, but he was fast and before you knew it his fingers were brushing your bare side signaling that it was your turn.

You weren’t as talented as Tom was. Your round took considerably longer than his had, and you spent a lot of time splashing around aimlessly, trying to ignore Harry’s laughter in the background. You wanted to get Tom back for tagging you, but ended up all but tackling Harrison into the water on accident. Either way, your turn was over.

You opened your eyes to find yourself clinging to Harrison’s back like a koala. Sheepishly, you detached yourself from his body and pushed back the hair that had gotten into your face.

“All you had to do was tag me, y/n,” he said, grinning and you shrugged apologetically.

“Just wanted to make sure I got you.”

The game went on for longer than you thought it would, and as it went on you got progressively more competitive. You pushed and shoved your way through the other boys to avoid being it again, and you had a pretty good streak going until Harrison got you back by accidentally backhanding you lightly across the face during his turn.

He opened his eyes with horror. “I’m so sorry I thought I was going for Tom’s shoulder!”

You touched your face gently where it still stung from the impact. “Right,” you joked, but stopped mid-sentence when you realized how bad he really felt about it. “Hey it’s fine, it was an accident.”

“I hit you.”

“We were playing around, I tackled you earlier it’s okay, really.”

Harrison reluctantly agreed, but you all moved on to a different game after that. Harry brought out a football for the four of you to toss around and that’s what you did until Haz decided to call it. He gave some excuse about getting up early for the flight tomorrow and hopped out of the water without further explanation. You knew he still felt shitty about what had happened during Marco Polo, but you didn’t know what to do to make him feel better.

Harry went with him since they were sharing a room, leaving you and Tom alone in the pool tossing the football back and forth. You figured you’d just go back to the room whenever Tom was ready since you wouldn’t be able to sleep until he was back anyway.

“What's your middle name?” Tom asked, breaking the silence that had hung in the air since the other two had left.

You struggled not to laugh. “What? Why?”

“I told you the other night, I don’t know anything about you. This is me trying to learn.”

“Well it sounds like you’re trying to steal my identity.”

He shrugged. “Added bonus.”

“It’s y/m/n, but I’m pretty sure Tom Holland doesn’t need a social security number from someone like me.”

“Maybe not, but I hear American passports are very valuable.” He tossed the football back to you. “Don’t you want to know my middle name?”

“Isn’t it Stanley?” you asked and he frowned. “I sign so many papers with your legal name on it, you shouldn’t be surprised.”

“You’re right.”

“When am I not?” You quirked an eyebrow and Tom retaliated by throwing the football further than you could reach on purpose, sending it rolling onto the deck underneath the lounge chairs.

The ball was neglected to be found as Tom continued to pester you with more questions. You humored him and answered them all, telling him about your parents, hometown, college, and how your record for shotgunnning a beer was four seconds.

He listened to everything quietly, only stopping you to boast about his two and a half second shotgun record.

You never thought you’d be having this conversation with Tom Holland of all people, yet here you were, trading stories about near alcohol poisoning under the night sky on the roof of a hotel. 

“Guess no one else wants to swim tonight,” you commented offhandedly, glancing around the pool area that had been empty all night.

“Oh, the pool’s been closed since eleven.”

“What?”

this probably has hella typos but i’m so tired. smut next week!! sorry again for all the confustion. lmk what you think I always appreciate feedback!!

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[toomanysurveys9]

Does anyone know your bank pin number other than you? Who?

Probably not.

Have you ever had a boyfriend/girlfriend who was depressed?

That’s usually my job. -insert eye roll-

Would you be able to climb out your bedroom window to sneak out?

I wouldn’t need to since I’m an adult, but probably not. I would need a ladder anyways to do it.

What would you do if you found out the last person you called was pregnant/got someone pregnant?

I don’t know who I last called even was.

Can you taste the difference between brand name food and store brand food?

Some things, yes.

Would you be embarrassed to buy pads/tampons/condoms? Which one more?

I used to be embarrassed to buy all of them. Now I just turn a little red when I am buying condoms.

If a stranger went in your bedroom, would they be able to tell what gender you are from just looking at it?

I doubt it. Since there are 4 people basically living in it.

Are your parents gullible?

My mom might be to some degree. She tends to read things on facebook and believe it too easily.

Do you still own a VCR?

My mom would like to buy one since we have a million VHS tapes, but no.

About how much money have you spent on food in the past two weeks?

Uh, like $55 or something.

If you were in a car accident would the last person you kissed care?

I would hope so since we’re married.

If you were looking for a new pair of shoes where would you go?

Probably Walmart. They’re cheap.

How much was the last pair of shoes you bought?

It was Converse, so more than I usually spend on myself.

What color is the computer/laptop you’re on? Did you buy it yourself?

Black, and no. My parents bought it for me right before I graduated college because the one I bought myself right after I graduated high school wasn’t holding up anymore.

Do you have a second home?

I do not.

Would you be surprised if you saw the last person you texted smoking?

Kind of, yeah.

Does the smell of cigarettes, weed and beer repulse you?

I don’t really enjoy the smell of any of those things, but especially cigarettes.

Was the last person you kissed younger or older than you?

He is younger by a whole 22 days.

Do you think people have any misconceptions about you?

Oh, I am sure they do.

Have you ever purchased Girl Scout cookies?

I have, but not usually for me. I don’t really care for them.

Do you like waffles?

Sure. I don’t eat them often though. 

Do you watch birthing videos on a day-to-day basis?

No. I used to watch birth vlogs on youtube when I was pregnant with Wyatt, but those don’t show everything. Just labor and then baby after, usually when they’ve been cleaned up a bit.

Do you find piercings/tattoos attractive?

Depends on the person, but sure.

Would you talk to someone you don’t know on the internet?

I have several times. 

How often do you drink Monster?

Pretty much never these days.

Have you ever made totally pointless videos with your friends?

When I was younger, I did that a lot.

Do you like to buy those Warped Tour compilations?

No idea what those are.

Do you like sitting on the inside or outside of a restaurant booth?

I prefer the inside. But I’m almost always put on the outside so I can feed my babies, or assist them in feeding themselves. Because Jacob evidently can’t.

Do you own a nightgown?

I do not.

Have you ever made a house out of a giant cardboard box?

Kind of, yes.

Have you ever made a tent out of sheets in your bedroom?

Ohh yes. Many times.

Do your grandparents know how to operate a cell phone?

My grandpa on my dad’s side does not. My grandma on my dad’s side can barely. It’s interesting to see her comments on Facebook. My grandpa on my mom’s side can’t really. My biologically grandma on my mom’s side passed away, but she could handle a basic phone well. I’m sure she’d love the phones now. My grandpa’s girlfriend, who’s like a grandma, does really well with her phone.

Have you ever had sex or something like it?

I have two kids. What do you think?

Have you ever read a George Orwell book?

I don’t think so.

Have you ever worn fishnets?

Yeah. For Halloween.

How many piercings and tattoos do you have?

I don’t know what piercings are still open. I have 3 tattoos. I want more tattoos.

Is someone in your family affected by Asperger’s?

One of Jacob’s cousins.

In a hotel do you always nose through all the drawers and cupboards?

Not anymore.

Would you rather go out to eat or be eaten out?

Go out to eat. I’ve missed going out to eat, and I’m too tired to deal with having sex.

Do you always wear your seat belt?

Probably about 98% of the time.

Have you ever liked someone much older than you?

Celebrities.

Have you ever been in a play?

I was in a musical in middle school.

Do you have any secrets that nobody knows about?

Probably.

Is there ice cream in your freezer?

There is, actually.

Have you ever started to laugh but played it off as a cough successfully?

I’m sure I have.

Have you ever liked the lyrics of a band but hated the music?

Yup.

Does your bathroom have a window?

Unfortunately. I hate it.

Do you go somewhere to get your eyebrows done?

I do not.

When you were younger did you read the A Series Of Unfortunate Events books?

Some of them. I never finished the series though.

Who was the last band you saw live?

Does Ed Sheeran count?

Do you believe prayer really works?

I do not. 

Are you a fan of the band Gym Class Heroes?

I liked a couple songs.

Frosted flakes or frosted mini wheats?

Lately, Frosted Flakes. 

Have you been on a date in the park?

I guess so, sure.

Ever dated someone you were best friends with first?

Not best friends. But we were friends.

Are there any diseases/health problems that run in your family?

Yup.

Do you have asthma?

I do.

Are tongue piercings slutty?

Of course not. 

Is there anybody you think is hot over the age of 40?

Jensen Ackles. Misha Collins.

Last person to take off your pants, besides you?

Probably Jacob.

Do you remember those cool highlighters that smelled like popcorn?

I do not.

Might you enjoy hanging out in the woods for day or two?

Eh. Maybe if we’re camping.

Have you ever written something on a bathroom stall?

I have not.

Least favorite alcoholic drink?

Jager.

Have you ever kissed someone named Paul or Luke?

I have not.

How did you meet the last male you texted?

Middle school. He used to sit on my lap and eat my lunches.

Have you ever had an embarrassing email address?

I guess so.

Do you put shampoo in your left or right hand?

Left.

Do you have a bull ring through your nose?

I do not.

Do you and your dad get along?

We do. Might not be as close as I am to my mom, but we get along well. I’m a lot like him in a lot of ways.

Can you see your purse right now?

I don’t carry a purse. 

Are you wearing any perfume? What kind?

I am not.

Are there products in your hair?

Nope. Unless you count the remnants of the Splat hair dye.

When you get colds, do you use nasal spray to help get your nose unstuffy?

Not usually.

Do you actually like sneezing?

I hate it.

Have you taken a shower yet today?

No. I did Sunday. And I will probably take another in the morning before work.

Do you have one best friend who is always there for you?

I guess.

Do you wear skirts a lot?

I do not.

Do you wear sweatpants a lot?

Not really. I wear leggings pretty often.

How many pairs of jeans do you think you have?

Maybe four.

Do you like hoodies?

Looove them.

Big ones or the form fitting kind?

Big ones. The bigger and comfier, the better.

Do you wear polo shirts a lot?

I do not. Ever.

Did you ever actually have a rubber duck?

I think so.

Are you one of those people who claim to live with no regrets?

No. I definitely have regrets.

Do you love your computer?

I like it. It works for my purposes.

Do you drink coffee?

Every now and then.

Do you basically like all of your clothes?

I mean. For the most part, sure.

Do you shop mostly with your parents, your friends, or by yourself?

By myself or with my mom.

[paperclipninja]

Younger post-ep ramble 6x03

This week’s episode of Younger, ‘The Unusual Suspect’, was a big one. No scenes felt wasted, each one moving the story along and it all felt very purposeful. Despite some capital H hotness and really light and funny moments being scattered throughout, mostly thanks to fave (and only) NYC agent Redmond and the resurrection of some truly classic Diana Trout, there was definitely the sense of tension on the rise. It’s been simmering since the end of this season’s first episode and I feel like this week we have hit an apex.

We open with brunch at Maggie’s and what one can only assume is a time jump (either that or Clare has recovered remarkably well from birthing a baby the size of a four month old) and right away an overarching theme for this episode is established, as Lauren enters raving about the latest hit podcast, Exonerated. I’m gonna come straight out and say that I am so into this premise. The excitement around the table sounded like the break room in my office most days, they definitely nailed the trend of true crime fixation. It immediately allowed for Maggie’s quip about white women loving murder, a delightful array of OTT facial expressions from Liza and Kelsey dropping in that Millennial will be meeting with Audrey Colbert, subject of the podcast, to nab her book before anyone else does. Of course the other big news is that Josh and Clare appear to be happily family-ing it up (though mommy wipes, daddy dipes = vom in my mouth a little bit) and Maggie is dealing with unresolved BoUBT (Back of Uber Birth Trauma). Lauren’s vow to help get Maggie back on the ‘h for hunt’ once again epitomises why I love her character so and I want to record her sympathetic ‘oh Divaaa’ as my ringtone. I just love that Maggie, of all characters, is the one who seems like she should be the most pragmatic when it comes to something like birth yet her coping level is zero here.

You know who else wasn’t coping? Me and my Liza and Charles loving heart as Liza suddenly up and left the brunch because she ‘was late for a thing’, cue the scene that was released as a sneak peek last week that I have definitely only watched a normal number of times *cough*. The set up for The Rubin Museum from the opening conversation was fab and the fact that Charles and Liza are using the podcast to frame up a role play situation is just too much. Obviously I had seen the scene prior to the ep and while it is certainly *insert flames here*, I can’t help but wonder what it would’ve been like not to have expected it (actual combustion probable). I mean regardless, I will never think about a trip to the museum in the same way again. The voice-over narrating what we were seeing was such a great device that is really different to anything the show has done before, it built the anticipation of what was playing out and it felt like a scene from a movie. The moment when Charles turned and came face to face with Liza was a great reminder of how electric the chemistry between these two can be (actual lightening bolts were sighted) and quite frankly, seeing these characters being adventurous and lustful in their relationship is a yes on all fronts. I think the fact it all took place in a place of intellect and culture was extra fitting, it somehow kept the whole thing true to the characters and I am here for the #nerdlove.

The office drama was amped this whole ep and that of course was largely due to the ever growing reign of our season 6 villain, Quinn. With the time jump since last episode confirmed by the fact that Quinn’s book is both published and sitting on the best seller list, Kelsey and Diana’s first encounter with Quinn as she uses the WiFi for a conference call included a) Diana saying goodbye in Mandarin, which was yet another lovely tidbit to add to this character while also setting up the classic Diana we got throughout this ep and; b) some of the best fashion and hairstyles all in one scene (and episode as a whole) ever. I mean the fashion on this show is always next level but this episode in particular took it up a notch: Diana’s high-neck printed electric blue top and Kelsey’s hair/makeup/outfit in the conference room were so stunning I was actually distracted by them.

Kelsey’s office refurb was also noted, loved Liza’s ‘set it (Claw) on fire’ comment and of course, Diana telling Kelsey that now she is publisher, maybe she should stop speaking like a trucker was D. Trout golden line no.1 for this episode. Even better was seeing Kelsey, Diana and Liza settling into this new way of working. I adore the dynamic between these three and the way we’re seeing Diana adjust to her former assistant now being a peer without a fuss is why this show is so wonderful. It would have been easy to have Diana trying to assert herself and maintain some sort of authority, but to see her just want to get on with the work and do the best job she can gives a great credibility to the notion that this character is the best in the industry. I could pretty much write out every Diana Trout line from ‘The Unusual Suspect’ and leave this entire ramble at that (’why is everybody in this country obsessed with true crime? Actual people have died and they’re selling branded beanies on Etsy’ LOLLLLL) but I would then need to do that for Redmond because the fave one and only agent in NYC was back this week and as always, he was in fine form.

The pitch of Audrey Colbert’s book is up there with the funniest scenes of this series, from the creepy af Audrey (A+ casting of Willa Fitzgerald) to Liza and Kelsey trying to play it cool while being hella freaked out to Redmond’s attempt to present a compelling pitch being railroaded by Audrey’s ‘crippling lack of media training’, it was Younger writing and delivery at its finest from start to finish. Seeing Redmond so unnerved by Audrey was unnerving in itself and really, I am so happy with the amount of Michael Urie in this episode. Our next encounter was of course when Kelsey and Liza interrupt his infrared sauna treatment (again, so many hilarious lines, I really feel that a transcript of the entire episode is about the only way to do it justice but may be problematic to pass off as a recap/review…or would it?) and discover that Audrey’s book is being shopped around thanks to the dagger next to Claw on the bestseller list, which = bulk sales = dodgy business = Chinese bots tweeting = Quinn is the worst (math doesn’t lie) = Audrey doesn’t want to be associated with anything suspicious on account of the fact she’s been accused of murdering two ppl (fair). I do want to back this truck up a little though to the way Kelsey and Liza discovered their next big hit was being pitched to half the major publishing houses around town.

Diana Trout hobbling into the office on crutches before dropping the bomb that her injury was the result of being so frazzled upon hearing the news re: Audrey going elsewhere, that she got caught up in her reformer (just go and re-watch this scene, you will not be sorry) is everything I never knew I wanted to see. The reference to Jackie Dunn, who you may remember has been a longstanding nemesis of sorts of Diana’s, was such an utter delight as a long time fan and once again, seeing Kelsey, Liza and Diana all equally vexed by the news was so great and continued to solidify them as a team. I promise no more direct quotes* (*this is a very loose promise), but ‘postpone the power-trip Kelsey, I am handicapped’ in response to Kelsey’s stunned expression upon Diana’s request for espresso, is so outrageously funny and makes this whole scene an absolute stand out on account of its hilarity.

I missed Lauren and Diana interacting this week, however I appreciated seeing Lauren be the wonderful friend she is to Maggie and Josh. Taking Maggie to the support group obviously allowed us to meet Beth, who Maggie engaged for some one on one tutoring (looking forward to seeing where that goes this season) after returning to the store to apologise for running out during the group session. While Maggie was lining up her ongoing therapy, Lauren and Josh shared a sweet and heartfelt moment that highlights why their friendship is such a lovely one on this show. Obviously Josh had told Lauren that he and Clare had a moment that made him think, ‘maybe we should make this relationship work’ and Lauren is following up to see where his head and heart are at.

I absolutely loved said scene between Clare and Josh, when he had finally settled the baby, asks Clare if she wants to go to her bed and then joins her on the floor when she says she sleeps where she can now. There was such a sense of unity and care and it made my heart swell. So in his discussion with Lauren we also find out the baby is named Gemma (last name TBC, for both father and daughter) and when pressed about what he actually wants, Josh reveals that he doesn’t think he and Clare are right for each other. I have said it before, but for all the wacky that Lauren can be, she is the most incredible friend who only wants the best for those around her in such a relentless and genuine way and this scene really highlighted that once again (the line about her dad having such a little bottom though brought us straight back to Lauren light in the best possible way).

The divorce proposal was such a great scene and while I was hoping that perhaps Clare and Josh could work things out, I am thrilled to see that the writers put both these characters on the same page right from the get go. I love that this show constantly bucks stereotypes and expectations of how certain characters and relationships will play out, so to see two adults who have an agreed desire to put their child first but know they need to do so outside a romantic relationship is something really unique on television. I have always enjoyed Josh and Clare’s dynamic and I hope we get to see a real, loving co-parenting arrangement play out.

Kelsey’s interaction with Zane when she was buying a bottle of Dom Perignon to celebrate scoring Audrey’s book (eek!) is my favourite interaction of theirs this season. Their banter was really effortless, Zane’s, ‘you’re not listening’, as he pulled out the cash to pay for the one remaining bottle smooth and a little bit over confident, but really played up that he has something in the works that is legit. I especially love that we later discover both are buying champagne to celebrate the same win. I feel like we also need to stop and appreciate that they were about to drop $400 between them on two bottles of bubbles like it was no big deal. What is this life? How do I get it?

Though admittedly Kelsey deserves a nice glass of something this ep considering all that she is dealing with. I have made no secret that I have struggled with Kelsey’s character these past couple of seasons and no one is more surprised than me at how much I am getting on board with her this season. Kelsey calling out Quinn point blank that she faked her best seller was so good to watch and seeing Liza backing her up and standing her own ground made this extra satisfying. Gah, I just LOVE how Laura Benanti plays Quinn and her stating that ‘the money is real, what else do you need?’ is so cold and matter-of-fact. What I love most about this whole confrontation is that it immediately made me think back to the first time we met Quinn - her whole presentation was about the fact that no one wants your success more than you do and that women helping women is actually holding women back. That right there should’ve been the red flag that her “helping” Liza and Kelsey was not legit.

And so her true motivation for investing in Empirical becomes evident. It had nothing to do with saving an ailing publishing house, it was to ensure her book would be published, she could have some control over how big it would become and be seen to have the support of a reputable publishing house, all in order to gain name recognition so she could successfully run for Senate. In her mind, Kelsey and Liza benefit from the whole thing financially so it’s a win win but she also holds the power so feels like she has the upper hand. Which is why the scene at The Cut (which is so fab, the looks Quinn shoots Kelsey are searing), when audience members question the dagger next to her book, is so damn satisfying. Kelsey’s move to announce Quinn’s run for Senate is so bold, I am very on board and boy oh boy Kels, I think you’ve got yourself quite the adversary. I was very much Liza watching this all unfold, shocked, impressed and a little bit scared for and of Kelsey and what this all means.

Now Liza was late to the event because she was living out the next chapter of the podcast at the Brownstone which we need to discuss, however I first owe some of you an apology. At the end of last week’s ramble I suggested you may need a fire blanket at the ready after seeing the museum scene sneak peek to you know, contain the flames. I fear some of you may have deployed it prematurely (this is not a euphemism though I am very aware it sounds like one) in response to how damn hot that scene was, but I was not to know that we were going to get this later scene, in which Liza just wanders into the townhouse BECAUSE SHE HAS A FREAKING KEY (suspected ep 2, confirmed ep 3, appreciated always) and decides to have a good old snoop at her bf’s mail. Similar to the museum scene, this set up felt more like a movie than a typical Younger episode. There was an ominous weight to it; the music, the lighting, the Charles padding silently up behind her (barefoot again?) and the tension was palpable.

Liza asks Charles about what’s going on, he provides a vague answer about moving some things around before asking her if she’s listened to chapter 7 of Exonerated, which conveniently mirrors almost exactly what just occurred, with Audrey’s ex finding her going through his things. Ok, so this is where it gets tricky for me. This entire exchange, from the way these two fall into that speaking in third person and wrapping a narrative around themselves, the way Charles wraps his arms around her, the way they look at each other, I mean, this whole thing makes my heart spontaneously combust because it is sexy and flirty, dripping with desire and just really really hot *reaches for backup fire blanket*. But then Liza is clearly distracted by that letter and Charles’ deflection and part of me is wondering why on Earth she isn’t pressing him harder for an answer or following up, I mean, we saw how open they were with one another last season, but then the other part of me looks at Liza and thinks, you are a person who has eyes and that whole situation is right there in front of you so I get it, go with it and worry about it later.

I am aware of how long this ramble already is, but I am going to do something a little different here and digress slightly from the episode itself and put out some conjecture on my part. It could well be completely over-analysing (lol, I’m neck deep into a freaking novella about a 25 min episode of TV, I think that’s a given) but I know that there is concern about Charles behaving secretively and I have seen some people expressing disappointment in this season so far.

For what it’s worth, my take on it is that it might seem as though some of the characters are behaving a little out of character but I feel that actually, the characters are behaving in ways we haven’t seen before because they’re in situations we haven’t seen them in before. As invested viewers we feel like we know these characters as whole people in every aspect of their lives when in fact, we’ve not seen Liza at the top of her game in her career or Josh as a parent or Charles in a romantic relationship or away from the office. So while the way they behave might not be the way we imagined it, to me it isn’t so much out of character as seeing a new dimension of the character. Also, the addition of flaws does not necessarily equate to destroying a character, it builds them out and makes them more real, if anything.

In relation to Charles and Liza’s relationship and the ‘Charles is being shady’ concern, IMO the key purpose of that is to create tension and you can FEEL it building. As crazy as it may sound, I think the Liza/Charles dynamic thrives in the build and resolution of tension and that’s why their moments in this episode felt so electric and hot, it’s like those unspoken, unresolved tension points charge their chemistry. As much as I think I would love to have Charles and Liza sitting around blissfully happy (I mean, I would obvs), the reality is, it’s not that fun to watch. I believe the tension is building towards a resolution of sorts that will actually put them in a better place and move the relationship forward. (*Full disclosure: since writing this I listened to the podcast from ATX fest and Joe Murphy, one of the writers for Younger, said very similar things so if you listened to that podcast I promise I have not just taken what Joe said and pretended they’re my thoughts, I legit had this written and then heard (ngl, I may be feeling a little smug as a result). I’m putting it down to us both being Australian because clearly that is a thing that makes sense).

I also think there is an unsettled feeling this season because the entire premise of this show, the roles these characters played, the interactions we have grown accustomed to week after week, has been completely flipped upside down. As viewers we garner comfort from the routine of watching a show but also from knowing where the players are positioned, how they will behave and what it looks and feels like. I think the writers know exactly what they’re doing and are achieving exactly what they would’ve hoped (apologies writers if this is wildly inaccurate and I’m just assuming things incorrectly left, right and centre) - everyone is sitting in discomfort and it’s largely due to the unfamiliarity of it all. The set up, the way we’re seeing characters etc, it reflects what the characters themselves are experiencing on our screens, which is all kinds of meta and actually pretty cool. But the further you push that discomfort and make viewers sit in it, the greater the impact and more satisfying the resolution. It’s like waiting for a beat to drop in a song, the build up can become almost unbearable but damn it’s good when it lands. That’s how I feel this is all going to go.

That is what I meant by this episode feeling like an apex, it feels as though there’s a limit to how far an audience can be taken in a state of flux without some resolve somewhere. And the writers know this, it’s what they do, it’s WHY we tune in. I’m not suggesting that everything is going to go back to the way it was, the evolution of a show like Younger is exciting and part of the fun is seeing where it goes, but we are three episodes in to a twelve episode season and while we consume it week to week, it ultimately has to make narrative sense across the whole season. It’s as though we’re at the end of an ‘establishing’ phase right now. So I am reserving any judgement until I see how it all comes together, but have no doubt there will be many resolutions and many new points of tension throughout.

Right now, I am thoroughly enjoying all that we’re getting and I think the writing this season has been excellent so far, with moments like the final scene of ‘The Unusual Suspect’ providing us with the first true cliffhanger of the season. Our last bit of Redmond for the ep was peak Redmond (I love that he dashed off to a better table uptown), and of course the big Mercury reveal, YESSS. That moment of realisation washing over Liza’s face, props to Sutton Foster, and I cannot WAIT to see how this all goes down. The prospect of inter-generational team ups of Kelsey/Liza vs. Zane/Charles while members of each team are in relationships with one another is the kind of set up I live for in a TV show. Is it July 10th yet?

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Finding Kurt Hummel: Jagged Little Tapestry

Masterpost

6x03: Jagged Little Tapestry

Alright, so this episode is notable for kicking off the last three part Brittana arc and for being Quinn’s last (awkward) run on the show - but it’s a solid (if not sad) episode, which, surprisingly, has a lot of juicy Kurt in it.  So here we go... 

It’s Too Late

Okay - so we’re gonna kick things off with some major angst, cause who doesn’t love that?  Actually - this show rarely starts off with Klaine, so we were all surprised when there’s not even a previously on -- it just starts.  And Kurt’s looking through sheet music (understandably since he’s technically teaching choir now) and lamenting the lack of Smash music.  I suppose - with the absence of a show like Glee in their world, Smash must have sufficed.  

Anyway, Blaine shows up - and for a split second, Blaine seems pretty happy to see Kurt.  Kurt, meanwhile, is a little stunned - but there’s a moment of flirtatiousness here until - BAM! Karofsky has his arm draped over Blaine and is making really bad jokes - signifying he doesn’t really know Blaine at all.  

The joke about sharing the music store as if it were the kid in a divorce.  Nice touch Glee - it works. 

How does Kurt feel about this? 

He’s gonna grin and bear it like and adult, while secretly plotting gory details of Karofsky’s demise in the back of his mind.  Really - it sucks.  It totally does.  Kurt knows that he wants to be back with Blaine, and that’d be fine and dandy - but Blaine needs to finish healing, and Kurt needs to still recover from the massive blow of -- don’t fuck up a good thing when you had it.  

Blaine and Karofsky shuffle off, as Kurt goes into daydreamy mood, and we get a (somewhat awkward) Klaine duet to Carol King’s It’s Too Late. 

Stayed in bed all morning just to pass the time There's something wrong here, there can be no denying One of us is changing Or maybe we just stopped trying

Oh my god is this song depressing. I almost feel like this song might have worked better before the break up? Because Kurt’s lyrics kind of have this waiting for the other shoe to drop feeling to it.  But I get why it’s here - they’re both still at this place where they think what’s done is done, though while, hilariously, still pining for each other.  

I mean, the whole set up of this song is that they very clearly want and miss each other, and keep throwing looks to the other, but the song keeps telling us that they’re done.  It’s a misdirection, people.  This is not the end of the story. Nope.  

Alright - so this next part is interesting, cause it’s sorta a flash back thing? And here the song (sorta) turns into Blaine’s POV, as he’s waiting at the Lima Bean, and daydreaming about his Warbler days with Kurt, and he’s completely missing what used to be.  

Kurt: Now you look so unhappy Blaine: And I feel like a fool (Kurt: I feel like a fool)

I kinda like that flashback!Kurt is telling him that he looks so unhappy (because we don’t get a whole lot of Blaine’s POV in this season, but yeah, he’s not actually happy with Karofsky - he wants to be because he doesn’t really want to be in that unhappy place with Kurt again).  But Flashback!Kurt also claims to be a fool, too.  Which the staging is super weird - but I’m gonna take it to mean that Blaine isn’t the only one feeling foolish over all of this.  Kurt really is, too.  

Blaine and Kurt: And it's too late, baby, now it's too late Though we really did try to make it Something inside has died And I can't hide and I just can't fake it

So, a couple of notable things about this second half of the song.  A) Kurt and Blaine both have each other’s pictures still... months have they’ve broken up, Blaine’s got them stored in his phone (which is sorta normal).  Kurt has them in a binder with sheet music - which is, admittedly, kinda weird.  But the point is, he didn’t just trash everything when they broke up.  Really, he just compartmentalized and put it off so he didn’t have to think about it -- but now he’s thinking about it, and god the whole thing hurts.  B) They’re both are angsting so hard for each other.  Oh bbs.  C) Chris totally doesn’t know how to play the piano.  

Anyway - the song lyrics keep making it out to say that the relationship is dead and that’s it, they tried, game over.  But you know, this kicks off the story, kind of like how the second break up kicks off the season.  It’s a starting point, now we’re on the path of healing and coming back to each other.  But that part takes a while. 

Jagged Little Tapestry

So - clearly, Kurt and Rachel didn’t finish their music sorting from the previous episode...  Kurt’s lamenting cause he ran into Blaine - and has had Carole King’s Tapestry on repeat in his head since then.  Some people apparently work through break ups with a single album - Kurt is that person.  (I wonder what he used the first time...)  I also kinda wonder if Carole King was one of those people his dad used to listen to on the radio when he was younger.  

Anyway, he decides that some good ole break up music is totally the right spirit to start off the glee club. :P  Rachel would rather do Alanis Morissette’s Jagged Little Pill - which she says is newer and edgier, and I have to laugh because that album came out when I was in Jr. High -- and kids today would have just as much of a connection to Alanis as they would to Carole, so Rachel’s whole point is kind of moot.  That, and the fact that Jagged Little Pill is angry in some songs, but it’s also very hopeful as well.  Whatever Glee - go make your point.  

Kurt, meanwhile, claims that Will did a good job giving them a rounded out musical education -- hahahahaha, yeah, nice revisionist history there, Kurt.  

Rachel thinks Will had an easier time in general because he didn’t have a partner, to which Kurt is all -- WTF?!??  (Yeah, good luck in life Rachel -- Kurt’s been there to support your emotionally broken ass for years, but whatever.)  Actually - Kurt then turns the whole thing around to say they should do both and we have mash-up week again.  

And really - they haven’t really done mash-ups in a long while, and this episode really works mashing them up.  Though, I am slightly side-eyeing the idea that two depressing albums will somehow get these kids to be fired up to compete.  Kurt and Rachel congratulate each other on being awesome teachers.  Aw, man, you can tell the influence Will’s had on these kids. 

First Lessons

So, Kurt and Rachel have what really counts as their first glee club rehearsal.  And - I mean, it’s funny - this scene is rather long, and kind of here just to set up the premise of the ‘theme of the week’ the combining Alanis and Carole -- and it also reminds the audience that the alumni (for some reason) are still around.  But -- that’s about it? 

Don’t get me wrong - this scene is absolutely hilarious.  The way Lea and Chris play off each other is comedic gold.  It’s awkward and ridiculous and it’s been a while since Glee has felt like a comedy so that it’s nice that it’s back! 

But can I gain much insight about Kurt in this scene? Um... not really - other than reiteration that Carole is Kurt’s favorite, but we kind of already know he’s an old school boy.  And he and Rachel should never be actual teachers.  

Also - Brittany can bend time with her mind.  (What you thought the massive fourth wall breaks started in The Hurt Locker, oh no...) 

A Modest Proposal

So - the next day supposedly, Brittany and Santana come in singing a mash up of Hand In My Pocket/I Feel The Earth Move and Kurt is, well, not really impressed.  He’s not a Brittana shipper guys.  Sorry.  No, really - he’s kinda bopping his head along but all this glorious gay is probably reminding him of what he really misses - musical dueting with a certain raven-haired warbler. 

Oh, and I should probably mention that in the previous scene - Brittany and Santana go on an entire spiel about how they’re not going to end up broken up and resentful, la de da, like Klaine supposedly is -- cause again, we’re in the land of all the fourth wall breaking and analysis from within the story.  

I should also probably note that Kurt is (purposely) off to the side and really alone.  Looks like Puck and Quinn are still doing their together thing, the newbies are all having fun, and even Tina is having a good time.  But Kurt - eh, he’s not so much.  

So - Santana decides to propose to Brittany right there! And - it’s fine.  It’s sweet, I don’t care all that much personally, but the Brittana fans have something nice for them so it’s good.  Kurt however, oh he’s on to what’s going down the second it starts, and he is not here for this.  He is so not about to let someone else go through with something he just did.  

Everyone else is happy for them - even bitter old Tina - but Kurt has to speak now or forever hold his peace.  He tries to sell it as being too young (the show is going to continually try to sell us that, too - but I have a hard time with /that/ being the sole reason Kurt and Blaine had issues, but whatever).  Really - let’s call a spade a spade -- Kurt just got to be on the other end of witnessing a sweet and loving proposal, and it’s a jagged (ha!) reminder of what he no longer has -- and hiding behind his belief that he did the right thing.  

Side note - for him, it was the right thing at the time.  He wasn’t ready to be married because he hadn’t worked through some of his own issues. But, Brittany and Santana - aren’t him.  So it’s not his place to stand up and say that it’s not.  

But he does anyway -- thinking that maybe he’ll spare them the pain that he’s been and is going through -- or trying to validate some of his own crappy decisions.  Either way - Santana is not happy about it - I mean, really, if she had stepped all over his proposal, he would have shredded her alive.  

The Smack Down

So, even Rachel - who went through her own failed engagement, is telling Kurt that he should probably be supportive.  But Kurt doesn’t want to - because it’s a horrible decision.  And that makes me wonder, Kurt - what was horrible -- getting engaged? Or calling it off?  C’mon kiddo - get there. Anyway - Santana stops them in their tracks, and she’s about to put on the verbal smack down.  And here’s where I take a second to tell all the rest of you Kurt fans to -- calm down.  

Seriously.  Santana has been known to use her viciousness on everyone in the show, and I’d argue that her worst stuff was used on Finn (and maybe Brody) and sometimes Rachel.  And while no one ever has gotten it in one big bundle like this, I don’t thin it’s out of character and, you know what, it’s meant to be hurtful.  And I don’t hate Santana for it.  Kurt needs to learn to have some humility and Santana’s going to teach him a little of that here.  

Not to mention that Kurt’s annoyed by Santana - but not really hurt by her.  Because you know what? Some of it is pretty true.  And while I’m not a fan of Santana’s bullying antics in general, I don’t think most of what she says is unfair.  And seriously - you shouldn’t project your own issues on someone else’s relationship.  So, let’s break this rant down. 

Judgmental geroniphile with a mouth like a cat’s ass. -- Okay, I don’t agree with the last part, but he is judgmental and does enjoy old people. 

Shrill (sometimes) and self-aggrandizing about being the apex of gay culture -- so fourth wall break here - that’s at the Klainers, not at Kurt (is this why you guys are mad? C’mon, Brittana fans got it much worse from the writers).  I don’t agree that the writers should pick on the audience or fans - but there is a small selection of fans who hid behind the gay rights stuff just so that they could see Klaine kiss more and god let’s save that issue for another day...

Looks like they removed their first row of dentures when they smile -- well that’s a Chris physical feature that he can’t change.  Actors need to have thick skin about this - and I’m pretty sure Chris has been called worse. 

Dresses like one of Andy Dick’s elaborate wet dreams - lol, okay what does this even mean? Not really anything 

A breathier, more feminine Quinn Fabray - lol, okay that’s kind of funny.  

Has an obsession with old people - She covered this already, c’mon Santana stop being redundant and get some better jokes! 

Drapes himself on pianos and sings old lady songs -- and let’s face it, this is true, and we all love him for it

Sexless, self-centered, baton twirler - Well - the sexless thing is kinda funny to me only because so many general audience (and the gay community) claimed Kurt was being neutered by the show - but I’d argue against that, hard core.  He definitely loves sex - and really, Santana knows that.  Self-centered - sure, but they all are.  Baton twirler? Well he prefers twinkle tube. ;)

He only knows three dance moves.  Let’s be real - this is true.  And hilarious.  

Santana’s final point brings it around to - don’t throw your issues onto my life, and she is right in saying that, tbh.  

The only other thing I find interesting about this scene is that she frames her rant as if to tell him why Blaine doesn’t want to be with him.  Kurt may have broken off the engagement, but Blaine was the one who didn’t want to get back together - and I feel like this point is often looked over when I see discussions of season 6.  Kurt wanted to get Blaine back and was told no - and he has to deal with that, and he’s not doing a very good job of it.  And that kind of ties into what Brittany will say later on in the episode, and why Kurt will try dating in the Hurt Locker episodes.  

Get your crap together Kurt Hummel!

(More thoughts on Santana’s Rant)

The Lesbians of Candy

I’m not sure how or why these two ended up backstage together - but here they are.  Brittany and Kurt have always had a kind of sweet and oddball sibling-ish relationship with each other.  And I kind of like that Kurt feels he can be a little more emotionally open with Brittany (lord knows he’s not doing that with Rachel apparently).  

The thing here is that - he actually apologizes about the proposal - which is huge for him! He thinks Santana and Brittany are good together (or maybe he’s just saying that, I have no idea), and that he considers them to be like he and Blaine - which Brittany points out isn’t true, cause they aren’t together.  

And that’s when Kurt reveals how he really feels - he thinks of them as, god dare I say, on a break. That he feels that they’re on a path to eventual reconciliation.  (He also claims that he’s bitter and that no one should get married until they’re thirty -- the show is really trying to sell us this line of reasoning, huh.  I mean it does kind of go along with his issues during the Finchel engagement, but I still don’t fully buy it). And this is when Brittany breaks some really crappy news - harsh enough that Kurt is physically winded by it -- that Blaine moved in with Karofsky. 

After a funny little beat about Uhauls mounting Mopeds - Brittany actually gives him some sound advice.  That Kurt needs to start moving on.  

Kurt, again emotionally honest, says he doesn’t want to do that - because if he does, he’ll be admitting that things are over between the two of them, and he doesn’t want that to be true.  

And then Brittany says something that’s actually kind of wise, tbh.  She uses a metaphor about candy to demonstrate, but basically -- Kurt can remain in love with Blaine all he wants, and really, it’s fine - he’s not going to magically get over his feelings any time soon, nor should he be forced to.  But -- he does have to manage to move on with his life and start living it.  Harder done than said - but her point is valid.  Kurt’s stuck in this sad place, and no one should be held back wishing and hoping for things to maybe or sorta work out.  

Kind of like Burt said to Blaine in Season 4 - if things are meant to work out - they will.  (Especially if it’s fiction, tbh, in non-fiction you do have to work at things.)  But the point is - Blaine, for the moment anyway, has chosen Karofsky - and to make it serious with Karofsky.  Kurt’s declared his intentions and that’s about all he can do - the ball is in Blaine’s court now.  Kurt does need to go live his life however that might be.  

(Now - do I think he needed to date an old dude while waiting? No, but the writers needed to go meta so whatever...) 

But lastly - I want to point out that Kurt living his life does not negate his feelings.  As we’ll see in a sec - Kurt very much and deeply loves Blaine.  That’s not going to change the rest of the series.  

The only thing throwing me off is Brittany -- cause here she’s giving him sound advice to move on, and then later she’s in with Sue about getting Kurt back together with Blaine.  When did she do a 180? Or is this part of the plan? The writers kinda have dropped the ball with Brittany making any sense, tbh. 

Reflection

So - here we get the writers kind of heavily hinting at something... I wonder what... ;)  

Okay first of all though, Jane and Mason are singing a mashup of Head Over Feet/Will You Still Love Me -- which is gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous.  But here’s the thing -- a lot of people (rightfully one could argue) say that Klaine doesn’t have much of a musical arc in this season.  And I’d say - that’s because other people are singing the songs. Yeah - there’s a bit of flirtatiousness between Jane and Mason here - and it’s sweet, tbh.  But this song is about Kurt and Blaine - and more so - it’s about Kurt’s feelings about Blaine.  

There are two aspects of this song -- the Carole part -- will you still love me tomorrow? the song asks.  Kurt’s heart is broken, he’s just learned that Blaine’s moved in with someone else -- is it over? Cause there’s the second part of this -- the Alanis part, Head over Feet - an underrated love song if I might say so.  It’s about someone being so sure and so great with their love that they feel clear headed -- and it kind of is a nod to the depth of Kurt’s love.  He’s not going to run out and follow Brittany’s advice this second - but even when he does try to move on, this song is closer to his heart.  

And if the song and Kurt’s growing sense of emotion during it isn’t enough...

THEY GIVE US A FREAKIN’ KLAINE FANVID! Which really isn’t for Kurt - it’s for us, a narrative tool showing that no matter what is said in this episode, Klaine is so not done.  

But if we take it as Kurt’s memories - there’s something fascinating going on here.  Unlike last time when Kurt was visioning romanticism and sex (Come What May), here he’s remembering all the things -- friendship and humor and sucky, sucky moments, but also promises of forever.  And I think this is when Kurt finally, really gets it - that it’s not about needing to wait until a certain time and being stubborn about that.  It’s knowing that, hey, sometimes life sucks - even with your partner - and you’ve got to roll with it because the highs out weigh the lows, and you can’t just run away from them.  

But also - Kurt’s worried that it might be too late, though, even if it is, he cannot change the depth of the love in his heart.  

(I love this little bit - and it might be one of my favorite Klaine bits in the entire show!) 

And also - Kurt’s visibly crying by the end of it.  A reminder that Kurt doesn’t outwardly show his emotions very often, but also that there are very few people who can get under his shell.  Santana couldn’t penetrate it with that lengthy and horrible rant earlier.  But Blaine? Blaine’s sweetness and kindness and love has unexpectedly always ended up back in Kurt’s heart, and he really can’t run from it.  And he no longer will.  

Anyway - at the end of the scene, Kurt puts back on his armor and charges in at Jane and Mason.  I totally disagree with all of his assessments - there’s a ton of simple complexity here - and they don’t need choreography to make this number valuable - but Kurt’s lashing out (as Rachel calls him out on) because he’s emotionally compromised, and he’s trying to direct that at something else than his own broken heart. 

You know it’s kinda crazy when Rachel of all people can call him out on his emotional bullshit.  Good for her. 

Side note - later, when the girls are talking to Becky, Santana hits the nail on the head when she says - real relationships happen when you stop being the person you think the other person wants and just be yourself.  Blaine’s finally learned that he hard way - and now, so has Kurt.   And they’ll be better people and have a better relationship because of it.  

Check Your Baggage

So much later, Kurt comes back to Rachel to apologize.  And meta the situation for me so I don’t have to! He says straight up that his break up is effecting him, and he shouldn’t let it in a teaching situation, and it’s also causing him to grab for control in inappropriate places - like while teaching, and with the Brittana proposal.  Thanks Kurt! Saves me the time of having to spell it out through subtext.  

And then Rachel says Kurt’s tough love approach worked in their favor.  **headdesk** okay whatever show - just do your own rules... it’s season six, I don’t care anymore. 

And then Hummelberry decide that they’re gonna be good teaching partners.  Um, was this an issue - were they fighting and I just missed it? Show, do you even know what you’re doing anymore? Doesn’t matter anyway - cause in a few episodes, Will’s gonna be back and who cares. 

So - at the end, Kurt and Rachel give this whole speech about how you can be different and come at things with different ideas and opinions, but that makes you wonderful and unique and special, and still work as a team.  As Kurt says - Mash Ups aren’t always pretty.  

And then they break into what could be an anthem for the show - You’ve Got a Friend/You Live You Learn.  

Before I get to the song, though, let’s point out that Santana and Kurt are pretty happy and chummy with each other at the end.  Santana said her peace and Kurt apologized, and that’s all water under the bridge, so no worries there.  

But the mash up, yeah, I like this one.  Cause one part of it is about having friends when you need them, and the other part is about growing up and living and learning a whole ton along the way.  It’s really well done.  

In fact - I think all the songs in this episode are really well done.  This entire episode is, actually, really well done.  And, while it’s subtle, Kurt’s worked out some of his shit in this episode.  It’s really a pretty good (albeit angsty) one.  See - season 6 isn’t all bad!  :) 

[namedforthefirst-blog]

@loudhaoleinatie | drabble/starter

“Mellie!” The doctor was just closing her car door when she heard the pitter patter of young feet running towards her and the excited squeal of the little girl she’d come to pick up from her mother. Turning to face her, Melinda flashed her genuinely bright grin before scooping Grace Williams up into a warm hug, smiling over the smaller shoulder at Danny’s ex-wife, who was bringing out Grace’s little travel bag.

“Danny called ahead and told us he was going to meet the two of you there,” Rachel spoke as she walked over and handed the younger woman the bag. Mel put Grace back down and took the bag to put it into her car.

“He is in the middle of a case,” Mel confirmed with a soft sigh, watching Grace kiss her mother goodbye and race to the backseat of Mel’s car, buckling herself in. “He said to take her to the beach, have a girls’ trip until he meets us there. I’ll be by her side the whole time.”

“I know. Danny speaks of you often. If he trusts you with our daughter, so do I.” The two women grinned at each other before Mel returned to the driver’s seat and headed back down the driveway. “Gracie, you ready for the beach?”

“Yeah! We can go swimming and surfing and shell picking and…” Melinda laughed as the girl rattled off every possible thing they could do once they got to their little “stay-cation” spot on the other side of the island. She was truly her father’s daughter…incredibly intelligent, talkative, and kind. That was how their car ride went for the rest of the way, the soft ambiance of the radio in the background as they chatted about the beach and about Mel’s lack of surfing skills. Grace assured her that she’d teach her everything she knew, though.

“We’re here, Gracie.” The girls stepped out of the car, staring up at the sweet little bungalow sitting beside the white sandy beach. Melinda pulled out their bags and went to unlock the door, laughing as a blur of brunette hair ran by her into the vacation house to claim her bedroom and change into her swimsuit. Pulling out her phone, she snapped a picture and sent it to Danny with a “We’re here. <3″ text, smiling adoringly at her phone as she sent it. 

Two days later, after many hours of sunshine and seawater, Mel and Grace were out on the sand, making a sandcastle together and trying to build it as high as they could. They talked about Danny and about Mel’s job, and she answered every question about medical knowledge that Grace threw at her. She asked her how she felt about her dad, and Melinda easily told her the truth. She loved Danny, and she wasn’t ashamed to say it, nor was she hesitant to be honest with the girl she’d grown so fond of. 

“I’m hungry, Mellie. Can we go in and eat?” 

“Sure, sweetie! Sun’s starting to go down anyway. We can go in and check in on Danno, see what he’s up to.” With that, they took a few pictures by the finished castle and a few of them together on the beach splashing around and laughing before putting on their shorts and shirts over their bathing suits and heading back inside the bungalow to relax and unwind for the evening. She was just finished closing the back sliding door after Grace had walked inside behind her when she instantly noticed something was off. There were items that were moved and the living room was in total disarray, as though someone had been searching for something. 

“Danny? Babe, have you wrapped up your case early?” she called out nervously into the house.

“Hi, honey...” A man that was certainly not her boyfriend came walking into the living room from the bedrooms, an unstable smile that quickly turned into a frown crossing his face as he stared at the doctor and then at the little girl. Todd...last time she came face to face with him, he had broken several of her ribs, and she had called the police on him. He was in jail...he should have still been in jail...How...why had the authorities not informed her that her ex-fiance was out of prison?

“My God...” 

“My Mel...my love...I-I wanted to come and see you...talk to you...but then I see this girl with you, who looks like you...” Mel’s eyes dart to Grace, who could instantly tell something was wrong by the look on the older woman’s face. “Is this your daughter, Mel, sweetheart? Were you...were you unfaithful to me?”

“Todd...I-I don’t know what you’re talking about...you shouldn’t...you shouldn’t even be here. Gracie...c-come here...get behind me, little kala.” She put out her arm towards the little girl who began to quickly move towards her, but Mel’s ex slammed his fist down on the glass table, shattering it and startling both of the girls. 

“DO NOT LIE TO ME!” he roared out as he pulled up his bloody fist, and Mel took Grace in her arms, pressing the frightened child behind her protectively. “DID YOU CHEAT ON ME?”

“T-Todd...stop shouting, please...you’re scaring her...W-We can talk...we can talk...just the two of us...o-okay? Just let..let me go put her to b-bed...”

“No. Neither of you are going anywhere...” His voice dropped to a dangerously furious low tone as he reached in his waistband and pulled out a gun, prompting a sharp intake of breath from Mel as she realized how his dark obsession had increased since being imprisoned. “Not until I get some answers.”

“Mellie?” Grace’s tiny voice behind her was terrified, and the doctor took a deep breath as she squeezed the girl’s smaller hand soothingly. “W-Who is that?”

“He...He is someone I knew a long time ago...but he did some very bad things, Gracie. He hurt me.”

“Someone you knew?!” Todd began to advance quickly on them, and Mel backed them up towards the back door, keeping Grace from his view. “I loved you...I put a ring on your hand! I was going to have you for the rest of my life, Mel! And all you had to do was listen to me!” Behind her back, she pulled out her cell phone and handed it discreetly to Grace, who took it in her free hand and hid it. She knew what to do in these kinds of situations thanks to her father. Mel hurriedly grabbed the cutting board on the counter and threw it at her ex’s head, turning and pushing Grace to the door before throwing it open.

“RUN! Go, Grace! Call HPD! Get to the neighbor’s house! GO!” she pleaded two seconds before Todd grabbed ahold of her neck and dragged her back inside. Grace screamed Mel’s name but did as she asked, racing towards the other houses on the beach as she pulled out the phone and dialed the HPD, explaining to them what was happening and begging for them to hurry. Thank goodness Mel had shown her the address and had told her what to do in case of emergency while they were there.

“Todd...T-Todd, please...” He was not paying attention to her pleas as he pressed her against the wall, his fist with the gun slamming repeatedly into the wall beside her until it formed a hole. There were tears streaming down her cheeks as she visible flinched from him, the terrible memories of the previous time she’d seen him racing through her mind once again as she glanced around for anything that could help her. 

“She isn’t m-mine...please just...calm down. Calm down, okay?”

“Do NOT tell me to calm down...” Striking her hard across the face, she sunk down to the floor clutching her throbbing cheek with a groan of pain. He stepped over her and skimmed his fingers along the mark the handgun had left on her face, almost appearing sorry.

“Mel, honey...I don’t want to hurt you...I don’t mean to...I just want the truth...” His fists curled as the anger flickered back on his face, replaced by his false sense of sympathy and security. She’d seen that look too many times. It was his mask, his way of lying to the rest of the world, convincing them he was a good man and a good fiance when in reality? Monster did not come close to what he was.

“Is Danny the bastard you’ve been screwing? Is he the reason you put me away? Hmm?” His hands slid down her sides, touching her after so long but watching as she shrank away in terror and disgust. It only made him angrier. She looked up into his eyes and shook her head.

“You...Y-You hurt me, Todd. You alm-almost killed me...I met Danny...a-after you were in...jail...”

“What...did I say...about lying?” Smack. Her cheek throbbed twice as hard with the second strike, and he stood up to land a well aimed kick against her ribs. 

“S-Stop...pl-pl...” Mel couldn’t breathe. He flashed the gun dangerously close in her face. 

“I don’t believe you. That little girl...she shouldn’t be here...but it’s okay, darling. Don’t worry...she won’t come between us. She won’t be a problem after today...we can go back to how it was before...you’ll come home with me. And it will all be okay again.” He walked out the back door with the gun in his hand, and Melinda managed to scramble to her feet, eyes glancing around until they caught on the meat tenderizer on the counter she was planning on using for the steaks. She had to get to Gracie. She had to keep her safe.

Stumbling quickly outside after him, seeing the way he was stalking towards the girl running out on the beach towards the next house over, hand clutching the phone she was crying into as she called for HPD and her Danno, Mel’s desperate need to protect the sweet, innocent girl surged inside of her, and with an enraged yell, she tackled the man to the sand, knocking the gun from his grip and grasping her makeshift weapon, preparing to use it on him. He grabbed her around the throat and flung her down, tugging her by the hair towards the ocean, where he shoved her down into the water even as she fought back against him.

“WHY COULDN’T YOU LOVE ME?! WHY WASN’T I ENOUGH FOR YOU??” he screamed irrationally as he pushed her head beneath the water. Saltwater filled her nostrils and lungs, and she tried to blow out through her nose as best as she could. “SHE HAS TO DIE FOR US TO BE TOGETHER!”

“Mellie!! Mellie!” In between gasps of air when he’d yank her up to shout at her, Mel could hear the concerned shouts of Danny’s daughter on the beach seemingly getting closer as if she was running back to help her. Todd released his ex and turned to face the girl, determined to get to her this time as Grace realized his attention had turned back to her. She turned and began to run from him, and Mel knew she was not going to allow Todd to touch a single hair on Grace’s head. Not while the doctor was still alive.

“Gra...ce...” she sputtered before she remembered the tenderizer and grasped it tight, hurling her arm upwards and making contact with her attacker’s head. He fell backwards, and she climbed on top of him as she choked and hacked up the water. And then the maternal instinct to protect Grace kicked in, and she went on the offense. Every time he yelled, every time he pushed her into the walls or threw her down the stairs. Every time he blamed her for not cooking what he wanted or accusing her of not spending enough time with him. Her memories fueled her wrath at the man who’d threatened the young child. She began slamming her fist into the dazed man’s face as she could hear the sirens wailing up the street, but she just did not want to stop anymore.

She kept swinging and kicking and hitting him in every way she could, breaking bones and dislocating his shoulder in the process, her clothes stained with blood from the both of them, until suddenly the police were pulling her off of him, and she halfway collapsed into the waiting arms of Chin Kelly. His arms wrapped around her as her rage quelled and became replaced with both the rising fear of facing her greatest nightmare mixed with relief that the police had arrived, and Grace was now safe. Mel’s aching shoulders wracked with sobs as she broke down, clutching Chin for dear life as she tried to explain herself through her tears. He kept murmuring that she was safe, that it was all right, picking her up and carrying her back towards the police cars where Grace had run to as soon as she had heard them driving up. Sgt. Lukela checked Todd’s pulse and told them he was unconscious but still alive, and that a group of HPD officers now surrounded him with guns drawn in case he woke up.

“Mellie?” She immediately climbed out of Chin’s grip and limped to the girl, falling to her knees and taking the scared child into her arms, holding her as close and as tight as she could, stroking her face and hair in relief.

“Grace...you’re safe...it’s all right...that horrible man will never touch you...he will never hurt you...”

“Us...He’ll never hurt us, Mellie...Uncle Chin is here now. Danno will come.” Grace curled deeper into the doctor’s embrace as Melinda began to cry again, the compassion of Danny’s daughter truly touching her as Chin dialed Danny’s number to tell him what had happened, his hand moving to clutch Mel’s shoulder in comfort as he smiled down at the girls in utter relief. They’d gotten there in time. 

[weirdoldmanhoho]

Headcanon meme: ed, winry, Armstrong & izumi

this is going to be long, so get ready. but thanks for so many, this was fun!

Headcanon A:  realistic

Ed: Ed still loves alchemy after the Promised Day, and he’s still one of the most skilled at alchemical theory in the world, even if he can’t practice it - he writes books on the subject and stays up-to-date with Alchemy journals and scientific publications - but he starts to find other places to put his passion a couple years after the Promised Day. It’s not healthy for him to only dwell on alchemy and what he lost, and he wants to find other ways to do good. Most of all, he still wants to be able to MAKE things.

When he settles back in Resembool, he becomes an apprentice to a carpenter and learns how to build things with his hands. He makes furniture for his and Winry’s future house. He builds his son’s crib. Edward becomes nationally known for his books on alchemic theory, but he becomes locally know for crafting sturdy and well-made furniture. (He never quite loses his terrible sense of style, though. Some of the pieces he makes for himself and Winry still feature skulls and dragon heads. She’s appalled, but used to it.)

Winry: Winry keeps her last name after she marries Edward. The name Rockbell is already famous in the field of automail, and by the time they marry the name Winry Rockbell has become well known - as much as she loves Edward, she doesn’t want to give up the name and legacy she’s proud of or the reputation she’s already acquired. She suggested she take the name Rockbell-Elric at first, but it was Ed who suggested he just change HIS name to Edward Rockbell. (For one, less hassle, he says. And also he kind of wants to distance himself as much as possible from the famous Fullmetal Alchemist after he resigns.)

Armstrong: (wasn’t sure if you meant Alex or Olivier, so I went with Olivier) After the Promised Day, Olivier goes back to Briggs. She would be able to move up the ranks and accept a promotion in Central easily, but she’s more dedicated to her men and protecting the Northern Wall than she wants to move up the ladder - and because she doesn’t trust anyone else to do it correctly. Everyone in Central is a little relieved to see her go.

Izumi: Izumi is an orphan - both her parents died when she was young and she was raised in an orphanage. It’s part of why she was so willing to take in the Elrics after learning about their situation - she understood exactly what they were going through. She’s desperately wanted a family since she was young, and it’s why she takes so much pride and joy in being part of one.

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious

Ed: I don’t even think this is THAT unrealistic, but Ed basically becomes an Amestrian Cryptid. Nobody even really knew who the Fullmetal Alchemist was when Ed WAS working for the military - and it only gets worse after the Promised Day. The soldiers and onlookers from that day talk about what happened, only none of them actually understand what happened so there are all these crazy, exaggerated, conflicting accounts. 

The Fullmetal Alchemist becomes a legend. Some say he was a real person who helped save his country. Others say he’s just a mythical figure used by the military to make themselves look better. People say he has the power of god himself. Others say he was just a kid with a bad temper. People swear he was half metal. Nobody knows who Edward Elric really was, and years later historians and authors try and track him down for interviews, just to find a disgruntled stay-at-home dad who wants them off his lawn.

Winry: Winry is really, really good at math. She can do crazy calculations in her head without even trying. Edward tried to race her once. Al provided the questions and they raced to see who could solve them all correctly fast enough. Winry won.

Armstrong: Olivier actually has a pretty feminine style (I mean look at that beautiful long hair and pink lip gloss - she definitely takes pride in being tough as nails and still looking pretty and feminine.) If she’s not in uniform, which is rare, she’s been known to actually wear frilly blouses and pink clothing. Somehow it’s more terrifying to see her looking pretty and feminine, knowing she could still kill you without blinking. (She absolutely delights in that.)

Izumi: She absolutely loves and dotes on Edward’s kids and is basically a grandmother to them. She becomes totally different around them - sweet and sugary, always bringing them toys and giving them treats and performing alchemy for them when they want to see it - and Ed (and Al) are slightly terrified of the change. Ed’s kids don’t understand why their dad is afraid of Grandma Izumi.

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends

Ed: Ed has a complicated relationship with food. He developed an eating disorder during the first year after Al lost his body. He felt guilty being able to eat when Al couldn’t and tended to skip meals, playing it off like he just wasn’t hungry. Really, it was about punishing himself for putting Al in that state. Automail takes a lot of energy and calories to operate, though, so the Rockbells never let it fly. Alphonse picked up on what he was doing to and became just as adamant about forcing Ed to eat.

Winry: Sometimes, Winry’s glad Ed lost his alchemy. She feels horrible for thinking so because she knows how much he misses it, but she can’t help but associate alchemy with the thing that ruined Ed and Al’s life. Alchemy was what stole their bodies. Alchemy was what made them leave home. In a very irrational way, Ed’s lack of alchemy almost assures her he won’t run off again - but she knows it’s irrational and feels guilty every time she thinks it. 

Armstrong: Olivier cared for Buccaneer romantically - she’s never wanted to marry or start a family (her ambitiouns and dedication to her job too great, and the Briggs army is the only family she really needs) but she had loved him, and she thinks it was the closest she would ever get to having a romantic partner. She wouldn’t have pursued anything if he had lived, but she misses him more than she will ever say when he’s gone. 

Izumi: Izumi dies fairly young - late thirties to early forties. Hohenheim managed to make her more comfortable, but nothing could fix the strain not having some of her organs put on her body. She’s just grateful she got to live as long as she did, and she thinks she had a good life all things considered - she got to see the two boys she loves like sons get their bodies back and do great things, she got to watch them grow up and one of them start a family of his own. She got GRANDKIDS, which she never expected. In the end she had the family she always wanted, and she was happy.

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.

Ed: Despite loving attention, Ed’s actually more of an introvert (compared to Al being an extrovert.) This seems backwards with their temperaments - Ed loud and outgoing, Al reserved - but while Al wants to meet as many people as possible and thrives on being social, I think Ed would honestly be fine holing up with no company and a mountain of books for weeks on end if Winry/Al didn’t drag him out of the house.

He likes people fine, he just gets really exhausted dealing with them and he’s a bit socially awkward in that he doesn’t really know how to deal with people - which just tends to make him look like a prickly asshole. He’s actually a lot like his father in this way, though not nearly as awkward as Hohenheim was.

Winry: Winry visits New Ishval during it’s reconstruction to meet the people that her parents gave their lives for. She even helps in the rebuilding while she’s there and offers automail, free of charge, for those who need it.

Armstrong: I know I said that Olivier had romantic feelings for Buccaneer, but she also definitely had a HUGE crush on Izumi. She respects that the other woman is in a loving relationship and doesn’t act on it, but she also secretly thinks that if it came down to it, she could probably beat Sig in a fight for Izumi’s affections.

Izumi: Izumi forges an awkward…not friendship, really, but sense of camaraderie with Roy post Promised Day. Roy sends her some kind of letter thanking her for helping him when he lost his sight, Izumi sends back a scathing four-page reply insulting him and everything he stands for after she figures out he was the one who convinced Ed to join the military, (It’s addressed to “Dog”) but at the very end, there’s one sentence sort of thanking him for making sure those boys didn’t get killed during those four years - in a very roundabout way.

They don’t really get along, but their love for the Elrics and their experiences on the Promised Day bring them together. They end up more like weird in-laws than friends.

[teen-titans-imagines]

The Batboys As Dads [Headcanons]

Since me and @loudmouthwally have been screaming about dad! Dick and dami and such, I decided to write headcanons after she suggested it to me. As always: reader insert 😎

Dick Grayson

He honestly wasn't sure on being a dad

But when he laid his eyes on you, his daughter/son, he was absolutely ready to fight everyone who had any second thoughts about you.

Dick Grayson was ready to lay down everything for you. Even leave the mantle of Nightwing to someone else, because jesus christ, you were so important to him. (And still are)

Dick Grayson is a playful man, and if you think he wouldn't hit himself on the head with a skillet to make you laugh, you are very, v e r y mistaken.

As you grow up, there is one thing you learn about Dick Grayson.

Dick is a dad joke within himself.

Dad jokes for d a y s.

There is no escaping them.

"I had a scarecrow friend try out for stand up comedy, but the audience thought he was too corny."

"I'm calling the police on you for harassment."

Despite Dick being a silly dad, he is also very protective.

No boys/girls until you are dead.

Actually, no wait, nope, not even in the afterlife.

He will stalk you while on your dates, being as obvious yet hard to spot as possible.

Dick is the waiter, the random guy you bump into on the street, the carnival's janitor.

He's fucking everywhere, man, don't even try to kiss your date because Daddy Dearest will know. In a heartbeat.

#GroundedForKissingMyBoyfriendAfterFindingOutMyDadWasSpyingOnUsAftetHeFELLFROMTHEDAMNTREESCREAMINGBLOODYMURDER #IWANNANEWDAD #JASONBEMYNEWDAD

Despite all the crap he puts you through, Dick loves you very much and just wants the best for you, and that includes a happy life and childhood. He knows that you can lose a lot in a blink of an eye, and he wants you to be happy.

Yet, while he holds a superhero job, it can be pretty straining on your relationship as father and daughter/son.

Just know Dick loves you very much, even if he is a pain in the ass crack.

Jason Todd

If there is one thing Jason Todd does not know how to do, it is Parenting 101.

Please send help. He has no idea how to even wrap a diaper on a child, let alone r a i s e one.

Jason had to have Dick help him out a lot little.

However, after a while, Jason fell into a good routine after doing a lot of research and hands-on learning.

He totally owns one of those 'Parenting for Dummies' books but will completely deny any kind of knowledge about it should anybody find it (demon spawn from hell aka damian fucking wayne)

Spending time with you, Red Hood later. ALWAYS.

He honestly adores you.

You are his everything and if there's one thing Jason never thought he would have wanted until now, it is definitely you.

Instantaneous Death to anybody who even mentions your existence.

Jason Todd Will Not Hesitate, Bitch^TM

He actually snapped at a woman who said she could just 'eat you up'

"Yeah, well, we don't believe in cannibalism, so."

Jason definitely sings you to sleep, and is proud, even touched, that you will raise hell if he fails to sing you to sleep right on schedule.

As you grow and get into school, Jason is quick to teach you self defense.

And taught you that all boys had a contagious virus and to punch any that tried to kiss you or hold your hand. (Female)

And taught you that girls were the devils spawn and were to be avoided at all cost (Male)

You once got suspended for calling the teacher an 'asshat'. Jason was lowkey sort of proud. Dick wasn't amused.

You have a white streak in your hair, and when you need to be with your father, he will play with that lock of hair.

You and Jason are exactly alike, with some different attributes. But that doesn't make you any less of a Todd.

Your damian's favorite. Just saying.

Tim Drake

You were definitely not what Tim Drake was expecting.

But definitely everything he wanted.

If there is one thing you both know how to do, it's complain.

"Oh my god, I did literally everything the books told me to do. Why are you still c r y i n g???"

"...WAH-"

*slams head into desk*

Tim swears that if he wasn't a coffee addict then, he fucking is now.

No sleep. At all. You give him too much shit.

Jason thinks it's hysterical because you seem to be Karma in a onesie for all the times Tim was a little shit to him.

Tim loves you to the moon and back, but you never fail to irk at least one of his remaining nerves that still works.

P r o b l e m a t i c C h i l d r e n

Yes, that means Tim and you.

Did he give you a bath just now? No the fuck he didn't. Did he just clean the high chair? No the fuck he didnt, bitch. Did he just change your diaper? Come back, bitch. It's a shitstorm in here, and you're in the eye of the hurricane. Gas mask it up, son.

As you grow up, Tim wants you to get out there and do whatever. He's slightly not ok with you dating, but don't think he won't do at least 15 background checks, stake outs, securing the perimeter, interrogations, whatever. Each. 15 each.

You are a computer genius just like him, but don't spend your time on the computer all the time. Mostly just to play games here and there.

As you grow in school, there is not a single day that goes by that you absolutely loathe it.

Honestly

Why cant you just homeschool. We have the capability too.

"Who even needs human friends? Uncle Damian is doing just fine with his animals."

"He also has homicidal tendecies, so. You're gonna get some human interaction whether you like it or not."

Honestly, you and Tim butt heads all the time, but at the end of the day, you are his flesh and blood, and he will protect and love you till the world stops turning.

Damian Wayne

Let's be honest: Damian Wayne would be the most worried and/or scared person on earth if he found out he was gonna be a dad.

All these insecurities about his past, the bad memories, all of it coming back to haunt him as he thought about his child.

Damian was not ready at all.

He was honestly very weary of you. Since he didn't really get along with children, there was no way to explain to him how to raise his kid for the next eighteen years.

He realized that when he held you. Kinda like an 'aha' moment, but with an 'oh shit' instead.

After Damian warmed up to you, though, he was Dad to the Max. Spin the fucking wheel to jackpot.

Damian has very high expectations for himself as a dad. He needs to be on top of the mark at all times or he is sure he has failed you.

Damian is a perfectionist, so if he doesn't get you to calm down after screaming bloody murder on the first try, he literally wants to stab something because wtf he was sure he was doing this right.

Damian sings you to sleep. Dami has the voice of an angel when he's quietly singing and it's soothing as fuck. Never fails to make you sleepy. Add in a bit of bouncing while leaned against his shoulder and it is lights o u t.

Damian is a very teasing father, despite how serious he can be. You are the only person who he shows his soft, relaxed side too. You are his everything and he lets you know that shamelessly.

Damian will kill anybody who even dares to mention your name or make horrible implications about your existence.

That is his child and he will fuck someone up if they speak wrongly of you. Talk shit, get hit, bitches get a fucking katana to the eye.

Definition of the meme "Don't talk to me or my son ever again."

Damian Wayne Will Definitely Not Hesitate, Bitch^TM

As you grow up, Damian makes it crystal clear.

NO DATING AT ALL.

Damian is protective as fuck. He needs to know where you are, where you are going, who is going with you, who is all going to be there, how long is it gonna be, how long are you gonna be driving there, are there gonna be any boys present, Drake, would you finish the damn background checks already???

Damian is just like Dick: not even in the afterlife or the bullshit after that.

You are very much like Damian. Practically a spitting image. It makes Damian feel proud because of the Wayne Legacy that you might keep up, his ego, and the fact that his child is a badass and looks like one too.

Damian and you are not perfect, though. You two often get into arguments about certain things, usually the littlest. One of the things you two often fight about, however, is the mantle of Robin.

Huge no-no.

Noooo. No no no.

There is no way you are becoming Robin. You are his baby and he is NOT going to let some STUPID costume ruin that for him.

He can be very cold, even to you at times, and since you didn't inherit his amazing lack skill of patience, you are often calling him out on his bullshit and his attitudes.

Seriously. Who even is the adult here anymore.

You are taller than Damian. It infuriates him to no end.

"Dad, how's the weather down there?"

"gROUNDED."

At the end of the day, Damian loves you dearly and you love him dearly as well. There is never a dull moment between you two and it makes for a harmonious atmosphere. Even if you can be a pain in each other asses, Damian is sure he would be lost to the world of familial love had it not been for you.

You are his rock and he is your oasis in a barren land. Family always, always matters to you both.

[skippyin]

school story plz

WELL ALRIGHT THEN BUCKLE UP KIDDOS BECAUSE WE’RE GOING BACK TO SKIPPY’S SCHOOL DAYS. Now I’m not gonna drop any names but holy shit my early elementary school years were a trash fire. 

I have Aspburgers (I’m high-functioning though so it’s hard to tell), my brother has ADHD, my Mom has Dyslexia, and my Dad also has Aspburgers same as me. Both my parents went through hell when they were children, the school systems were brutal back then. They didn’t want to same for their children, so they got my brother and I 504′s and put us into Catholic Schools because we are Catholic and they wanted us to have that kind of education. The first school we chose, however, would be a den of nightmares. I’ll just use the initials: SH when referring to the school. The following is my account of what I went through in that school.

1st Grade: A good start! The teacher started out kinda mean but then shaped up. Treated me nicer when she realized I needed extra help and gave me that extra help. More or less went smoothly.

2nd Grade: Shit starts to get fucky. This teacher: Mrs. B(itch) was very stuck up. She was one of the members of Principle S(kanky Panky)’s little friend group. She greatly disliked me and my friend, Katie, not only because we both had learning disabilities, but also because we were both artists. The class was required to cover our textbooks to protect them from damage, but instead of using the stretchy cloth textbook covers like everybody else; Katie and I would use blank brown wrapping paper so we could draw on the covers, add stickers, etc. It was fun for us to personalize our textbooks, but Mrs. B HATED that we liked to draw because she thought it was a waste of our time and hers. It wasn’t easy, but I managed to troop through.

3rd Grade: Nice teacher. She liked me, and I had no problem with her. Though she would yell at the class often because a lot of the kids in the class were very misbehaved. This year went by without incident.

4th Grade: Another good year! (Unfortunately, my last at this school.) This teacher was my favorite and she was more than willing to give me a hand. The worst of my problems that year was the other kids in my class who liked to pick on me, but I was able to get through.

5th Grade: The beginning of The End. The gateway to True Hell. Which is ironic considering my teacher this year was a nun. Sister H(ell) was very old and therefore very old fashioned. She liked to play favorites, and usually preferred the boys over the girls for some reason, despite the fact that a good 75% of the boys in my class were assholes (don’t get me wrong though, a percentage of the girls in my class were bitches too). She gave me a hard time for my lacking math skills. Funny thing is, she had no idea how to teach the mathematical course material and told the parents on parent-teacher night that she was basically just winging it. She didn’t like me, or anything I did. It became a habit of mine to hum the Darth Vader Theme quietly to myself whenever I saw her walking by.

It was at this point my mother started complaining to Principle S that my education was starting to get hindered. At the same time, my brother was in 2nd grade and had gotten saddled with a different 2nd-grade teacher than me. This woman was ALSO in the principle’s friend group and was an even bigger problem then Mrs. B. She was just out and out mean to my brother and it was starting to become a problem. My mom filed these complaints and brought up our legal documentation. Principle S acknowledged that they were doing everything the documents told them what they had to do, but that she would have a personal word with our teachers to try to solve the problem.

A month passed. Nothing Changed.

Shit was still fucky, the Principle kept smiling and lying to her face, and my Mom decided that it was time to infiltrate. It was one of those kinds of situations where when peoples’ backs were turned, the staff was horrible. But when parents came over or people visiting from the school board: they were all suddenly super nice and acting on their best behavior. My Mom got a job at the school as the kindergarten teacher’s assistant in order to keep an eye on my brother and I and make sure we were being treated properly. The Principle and her friend group knew this was what she was doing and tried to keep her out of the loop as much as possible. Though her presence was very comforting to me, knowing she was so close by in this den of wolves.

(Side Story: Principle S is FUCKING Nuts.

While my Mom was working at the school she got into a friendly conversation with the Principle one day during lunch in the teacher’s lounge. She proceeded to tell my Mom a story of how she and her husband went to go visit her mother. Upon arriving at the elderly woman’s house, they found her on the floor and not moving. Now, any rational person would immediately call 911, right? Principle S didn’t. No, instead, her and her husband starting going around the presumably dead woman’s house and putting sticky notes with their names on all the fancy stuff they wanted. Turns out she wasn’t dead, just passed out. Upon realizing this, then they called 911. She laughed at it like it was a funny little story but my Mom just looked at her like she was crazy. And she was. There were many other stories like this, but that is the only one I know about.)

Nevertheless, the kindergarten classrooms were very out of the way from the rest of the school, so even though my Mom was present, they still pulled a lot of BS. When my 5th-grade year was finally over I was relieved, but boy oh boy was I jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire when I started--

6th Fucking Grade: What would be my last year at SH school. This year was my personal hell. THIS YEAR was when shit hit the fan. Ms. F(ucking Desperate For A Boyfriend) was the final member of the Principle’s friend group and was by far the worst in my opinion. Dear gosh this woman... Who let this woman near children... Where to begin, where to begin...

I guess I should start by saying she hated me. Just plain and simple. She hated me and anybody I associated with. She thought I was a Bad Kid. She thought I was a demon in disguise or some shit. That I was lying when I told my Mom about my hard time in school. How dare I get my Mom to “harras” her good friend Principle S with my disability papers. I’m just a lazy kid who doesn’t want to do any work so I’m giving myself an advantage over the other students who don’t have extra time on tests, or special seating, or get copies of notes from students who are doing good in school. How dare I get extra help that “I don’t need”. It was “unfair”.

So she proceeded to make every day of my 6th-grade life an uphill battle. And let me tell you it was a battle an emotionally and mentally draining one.

Here is a list of incidents I remember:

One day when I was absent, she made my two best friends sit out in the hallway and told them they couldn’t come back inside until they wrote a list of all the bad things I had done. They couldn’t do this, of course, because I had done nothing wrong, and were forced to stay out there until lunch time.

Complained every time I came to get my photocopied notes from her (only teachers had access to the copy machines). Would tell me every day that I didn’t deserve notes taken by a better student.

Never helped me whenever I would get bullied by other students.

Whenever I gave a wrong answer in class, would make it out as if it was the dumbest thing she had ever heard.

Kicked me out of my group who I was teamed up with on an important History Project. Said I was kicked out because I wasn’t “doing the work” and therefore my punishment was to do the whole thing by myself. I was absent for two days because I was sick with a fever, and I had told one of my teammates over the phone that I had my part of the work ready and I’d give it to them when I came back. Nope, doesn’t matter, what Ms. F says goes. I got saddled with four people’s weight in project work, along with my regular homework. My Parents helped me out a great deal because it was complete bullshit.

Went off on me when she found out I had started a trend among my classmates. Of drawing pictures of bad/dumb/silly things happening to her on sticky notes and trading them like trading cards. We all hated her.

Things really got set in motion during a private before-school meeting between Ms. F and my parents. Ms. F, my Dad, and my Mom, all sat down in our classroom and started to discuss what the fuck was going on. I was constantly asking my parents to keep me home from school, my grades were slipping, I was constantly stressed, and was showing the bad habit of plucking out my eyelashes. They wanted to know what was going on and they wanted it to be fixed. Ms. F proceeded to tell them the following:

A) I wasn’t disabled, I was only faking it because I am a lazy horrible brat who doesn’t want to do work and only wants extra help to give me an advantage.

B) If I really am disabled then I should be sent to a mental hospital/children’s special needs school for the severely disabled. I don’t belong in their school, I had no place in her classroom. I had to go where all the other “crazy children” were sent.

C) I am a manipulator and a liar playing everyone for fools, but NOT HER. No sir she doesn’t fall for my tricks.

Now.

My Dad is a slow to anger man. He is usually pretty laid back, and fun loving, and cool. But when he gets mad, watch out. Meanwhile, my Mom kind of is the opposite. She is a very passionate woman who likes to yell a lot whenever she feels there is some sort of injustice. Small but Loud. Like Anger from Inside Out. I’ve seen her mad, but when she’s Angry her rage burns brighter than the light of 1000 suns. The only thing keeping the two of them from beating the ever-loving crap out of Ms. F right then and there was the knowledge that they’d probably get pressed on Assault charges.

No, instead, they advanced on her. Forced her to back up against the wall. My dad, tall and looming behind my mom fixing this woman with a death glare. My mom pointing a finger at her face and said “I swear to God in heaven above if I ever catch you off school property... I don’t care if we’re in the grocery store, I don’t care if we’re in church, I don’t care if it’s years and years from now and I’m an old woman. I will punch you dead in the face for talking about my daughter that way and putting her through this. That is a promise, you Bitch. So you better be looking over your shoulder for the rest of your life and praying and you don’t see me there.”

It was at this time school was starting, so my class came in to see my parents staring down our teacher. I was oblivious to the tense air in the room and just waved at them saying “Hi Mom and Dad!! :D” 

Meeting over.

My Mom is the kind of person who keeps her promises. She once knocked out a guy with a single punch. And another time my Mom broke some chick’s jaw when she tried to mug my Aunt. She knows how to throw a good punch.

But unfortunately, Ms. F was undeterred by my parents legal and physical threats. And only made things harder.

The final straw happened when we were 3/4ths through the year. The home stretch. I wanted to try my hand at writing poetry. We had some free time, so I got out a sheet of paper and got to work. Not too long after, the group of boys who liked to pick on me came over and tried to read it. I knew it would only give them cannon fodder to use against me so I tried to keep it away from them. They were persistent so I decided to try to use my pen to fend them off. One of the nice boys, Anthony, came over to try to break up the commotion. I accidentally wound up getting pen ink on his uniform shirt. I apologized, knowing he had only been trying to help and he told me not to sweat it and that his mom would just wash the shirt. The situation is over, right? Wrong.

Not ten minutes later, Ms. F slams her hands on her desk and screams my name. I snap to attention because “Oh no what’s happening?” She starts yelling at me because I got ink on Anthony’s shirt. How dare I do something so atrocious. Now Anthony’s poor mother has to slave away at the washing machine tonight to try to clean the ink off of his expensive uniform shirt. It doesn’t matter that I already apologized, it doesn’t matter that Anthony forgave me, I should feel bad about doing this horrible thing. She basically proceeded to humiliate me in front of the entire class and I was mortified.

I went, hid in the girl’s bathroom, and cried like Hermione Granger did in Sorcerer's Stone. After I calmed down, I refused to head back to class, too afraid getting yelled at again. Usually, if a student spends too long in the bathroom, another student is sent to go check on them to make sure they’re okay and bring them back to class. I decided to wait for someone to come for me. So I sat, and I waited. And waited. And waited. Nobody came to get me. My Mom wasn’t notified of the incident either, so she was waiting for me outside. It wasn’t until hours later when one of my friends came up to her after clubs were over and told her what happened that she found out. That I’ve been in the bathroom all day, and Ms. F didn’t want anybody to go get me. My Mom rushed into the school, ran into the bathroom, and embraced me. She was so worried because I was a child, left alone, unsupervised. This is how kids get kidnapped and go missing. This is how kids’ faces get plastered on missing posters and billboards. I was left alone in that bathroom with nothing but my own self-loathing all day, anything could have happened to me. We marched out of the bathroom, down to the Principle’s office, and my Mom called Principle S a sick pig bitch, threatening to sue her for every penny she had.

That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. My Mom was outraged by the school and its horrible treatment of myself, my brother, and any other disabled child that happened to come up to their doorstep. She was sick and disgusted and DONE. I remember vividly when we got back in the car, the first thing she did was call my Aunt on her cell phone and said: “I want a lawyer.” Unfortunately, we never did take them to court on this, I can’t remember the reason why. We’ve always been pretty financially tight, so I think it’s the fact that we just couldn’t afford a lawyer to do an all out lawsuit. 

My Mom pulled me and my brother out of that school and sent us to a different Catholic School. This one was so much better, so much nicer, all the teachers loved us, the principal he was so great and nice, we made friends with tons of different kids. It was the exact opposite of what we went through in that hell hole.

And you know what? I’m not mad. I’m not bitter. And I still feel like I’ve won even though we didn’t get any sort of “revenge” on these people. Me living my life, being happy, and being with my loved ones is revenge enough. In the end, they don’t matter to me. But at the same time, they did wind up teaching me something. They showed me the kind of person I didn’t want to be. They were bitter, revenge seeking, condescending, lazy, and prideful. They got enjoyment out of making me and anybody they deemed “unfit” miserable. I don’t want to be like them. I could have used their real names, I could put their addresses and phone numbers out there for everybody to see, with a call to action to “teach them a lesson” in order to form a justice-seeking mob mentality amongst anybody who reads this story. But I’m not. Because I don’t want to be seen as a victim. What I experienced was horrible, yes, but I don’t feel the need to cry out for justice. Because I’m satisfied with living my life and winning against them by leaving them behind, by not letting what they did to me haunt me every day of my life. And you know what? I’m fine.

I got two little sisters who I love very much.

I met some of my very best friends still to this day in high school.

I got my Associate's degree with honors.

I’m currently studying for my Bachelor's and eventually will get a job doing something I love.

I play games with my friends.

I do what I love every day.

I spend every day with my family who loves and supports me and encourages me.

I have so many blessings, I’m not going to let those years ruin my life when my life so good.

I guess the thing to take away from my story is, don’t dwell on things. You don’t have to nessicarily forgive them for what they did, but which sounds better to you: Dwelling on memories that make you feel like shit for the rest of your life or surrounding yourself with the people you love and making new better happier memories? I rolled with the punches that were thrown at me and came out stronger for it.

So while they sit there, stewing in their own bitterness, in a teaching job they hate but only took because they want the summers off. I’m off in the world, experiencing new things, and Living.

I am very happy. ^u^

Thanks for reading.

[myprincecandy]

[ENG] 170627 YOHO ARTICLE ON ZTAO - EVERYONE WANTS TO BE HUANG ZITAO BUT DON’T DARE TO ADMIT IT

In the beginning, we hoped to choose this era’s bad boy, the sort who’s raved about by everyone everywhere. You can see all sorts of “rebellious” qualities commonly shared by many of the youth of this era in him: arrogant, temperamental, rash, blunt…. And it’s a super magnified version. His “badness” comes from his unabashed desire and insistence on being his true self. In the end, as fate would have it, we finally managed to get an appointment with him, Huang Zitao.

That night, Huang Zitao was recording his new song when the director Jenny and us got to the recording studio in L.A.

During that period, he had been recording and vacationing in the United States. Perhaps it’s because he’s relaxed, Huang Zitao’s behaviour was a tad like those big boys that you and I would commonly see around us.

I’ve been thinking about why is it that Huang Zitao keeps getting attacked so viciously. Is it that he truly has a low EQ or just what is it about him that people have a problem with? How is it that he has managed to continue despite all that constant berating and mocking? Just how much has all this cost him?

All these questions, you have seen and heard of, but you’ve never heard it from his own lips.

In the next few days we transitioned from his studio to his daily life, and chatted with him about “being an idol”, “making music” and “being himself”, all those quotes that never fails to shock and amaze others, and listened to his reflections on growing up and his aspirations, and his insistence on being himself.

A few days later, we can roughly understand why is that everyone likes to mock him so. Because he, like many of today’s youth, would show himself, his true self, without fear nor reserve. Yet, at the same time, we could also understand why fans love him so, and why his seniors dote so much on him. Because in terms of facing him true self head on, he’s the first when it comes to good looking Chinese idols. His likes and dislikes are clear and distinct. It’s important to be cool and he himself is important. At the same time, whether the way he expresses his concern for others is cool or not is also important. (For example, he threw a tantrum as he’s exhausted and doesn’t want to work, yet later he’ll take the opportunity to secretly do it well according to what is required. But he never would admit defeat verbally  

In each era, everyone loves Bad Boys but are afraid of them too. Because we crave the glory of reality but is afraid of being scorched by it. All in all, the daring Bad Boy whom we love, is the person whom we all wanted to become once but never became.  

“Making music, I want to be the king of C-POP”

“I’ve never treated myself as an artiste. Be it in making music, movies or dramas, or in variety shows, it’s all a job to me.”

It’s not surprising to everyone that that’s the way Huang Zitao chooses to express his view of being an artiste, a star.

At the age of 14, Huang Zitao fell in love with singing under the influence of idol Jay Chou, and begun his dreams of being a star. Later he wrote a long letter to his dad, saying that he wanted to quit school, and do something he wanted to do. And Zitao’s Dad, whose image, due to the influence of media, had become somewhat silly to most people, is actually a bold father who is very supportive of his son.  

The martial arts learnt 18 years ago, and the naturally “not bad” singing skills, got Huang Zitao onto the path of becoming an artiste.  

Later, despite his injuries, contract dissolution and controversies, Huang Zitao still wants to make music today and create his ideal C-POP. He told us: “It’s because I like it, and it doesn’t cost much. I don’t have much to spend on usually, so why should I just blindly hold on to all that money every day for the rest of my life?”

“The things I write and sing about are all real experiences and feelings. I don’t care about how many people will like it or sing it. If you like it, listen to it. If you don’t, well fine. I just want to write down what’s in my heart. There are too many fake things these days.”

Later he added this on, “I’m not releasing a new album this year. It’s all going to be singles. Because I feel that if I do an album, a lot of the very nice songs will not be given the attention it deserves. That’s why I wanted to release it song by song and promote each one.” 

Ever since he brought his concept of C-POP to producer Daryl (Huang Zitao’s had worked with him from his very first album released in China) in 2015, the two of them has made C-POP more varied and enriched.

“C-POP’s really more about the reason behind writing the song. It’s not just a music genre. To us, we want to try to create a new style of music. This is also one of the unique points of Tao’s music. He won’t copy other people’s stuff. All his music is a result of his preferences. We also do R&B, because he doesn’t want to do only POP. C-POP’s more about representing one-self. I’m a Chinese, and I want to tell the world that.”

-- Daryl

Having been through 6 years since his debut, Huang Zitao now have a new dream, one that is even more difficult and out of reach – to get foreigners to like his music, to be able to understand it and sing along with it.

  Being an idol I don't need to be perfect

The topic of those negative news , vicious comments and attacks on Huang Zitao is unavoidable when talking about him. A random search on the internet will show you loads, from the contract issues with SM, discord with his team mates, the fashion week incident etc, plus all the other negative tags that people have placed him etc etc etc.  

He’s like the new era bad boy of the entertainment circle, and he seems to have bore the burnt of all the negativities in it. Regardless of whether it’s  true or false, since it’ “news” that came from the industry, you have to shoulder it not matter who you are. 

In the 6 months when he first returned home, Huang Zitao had once lost control of his emotions when talking about these issues. “I was still young then, I felt that I just couldn’t understand what’s wrong with these people. I just couldn’t. There are too many netizens who like to vent their emotions online.”  

Slowly he learnt not to care, and instead got to know how to make use of it. “All those nonsense are not real. I don’t need to care about those. What a person neds to care about is those around you, those whom you will meet in the future, and those who are good to you now. You have to care about them, and your family.”

“There are also people who come daily to leave lengthy comments to scold me.. The number of comments can suddenly just triple because of that. Isn’t that great? They keep reblogging, and keep on the attacks, looking for materials to make memes of me, giving higher viewership to shows that I’m in. Quick! Go and do it! Don’t stop! What can you actually do to me? That’s just how I feel, my life’s fine.” 

The way Huang Zitao speaks and the way he just hits right back, is perhaps the reason why he often gets attacked.  

He often emphasizes that artistes are not perfect. From his role, it seems like he’s trying to make excuses for himself. But when we reflect on this after a few days being with him, it’s a scream at the helplessness of this industry and for everyone who’s in it. 

The idols these days must have a certain affinity with the viewers. They need a perfect image on screen and in the news. But looking around the world, excellent artistes all have very distinct personalities and attitudes towards music, even politics. And the ones who does become legends, never pander to the audience’s wishes. Rather, they’ve managed to gather a bunch of likeminded people based on their works and charisma. Huang Zitao may not yet be a legend, but at least he’s clear on that. He hopes that the fans he has gathered is able to appreciate what’s good about him, and is about to accept or at least, ignore, the weaknesses or flaws in his personality. 

Growing up is a rather complicated matter. It’ll a cycle of constant rebuilding, going through several rounds of dissolution, and then picks something up, burying the bad and putting the good upfront. Being in the entertainment world, Huang Zitao grows at an even faster rate than normal. But as a rebellious person, he questions everything, and places both the good and the bad outside for everyone to view. 

“I really didn’t want to go. Later on it’s because my grandparents were soldiers and they wanted me to go. So then, ok, I’ll go. I was resistant to it at first as I’ve been living with such freedom. My mind and body just didn’t adapt in time. Later on it slowly became good. A lot of times I simply don’t want to do a lot of things. But I know that by doing those things, it’s good for me. So now I’ve learnt to say yes. Even if I don’t like it, so long as I know it’s good for me, then ok fine. So since I’m already there, ok, just do it. Even though I say everyday that I’m not doing this. I still do it.” – his reason for taking part in “Takes A Real Man S2”, it’s that simple. 

Being myself I’ve always been this way 

We asked Daryl about his impression of Tao. He spoke of this incident. “In 2015, one of the photographer wanted to touch up Tao’s legs, to just make it look longer. Then he said, “no, I’m the way the photographs reflect, don’t do it.” To me, he’s a person who’s very true to himself. He doesn’t care about the fake stuff, only the real things. It’s something that’s hard to find in the entertainment industry, or perhaps, even in most people.” 

Daryl still recalls how Huang Zitao took care of him when he first got to Beijing. He says, “he’s just like any other normal guy. He doesn’t care what others say. That time I only knew Maan Coffee, and he basically says, “let’s go.” It’s very special. He doesn't make you feel distant in the things he does.” 

It’s precisely this lack of distance, that makes Huang Zitao give us such a strong feeling. Rarely do idol artistes behave like this, showing off his imperfections which are real. “Getting people to buy into a personality/ character setting” is something childish and laughable to him. This is a tad moving. Because in this 20 something boy, be it out of wanting to be cool, or what most Asian guys call a sense of responsibility, you can feel his resolve. No matter right or wrong, he’ll shoulder the consequences, and is mentally prepared to take responsibility for his behavior. This courage has got nothing to do with youth. 

Almost everyone has asked him, why he doesn’t use stunt doubles when doing action scenes or just stuff that are very tough. He always answers “but then, why use stunt doubles? You shouldn’t in the first place. You’ve taken on this project, so what’s the meaning in getting a double to do it? The logic behind asking this question itself is strange. Is being an actor something great? Is being an actor more superior than others? I don’t think so.” 

It’s with that kind of attitude that he made the film “Railroad Tigers” with Jackie Chan. In temperatures of minus 18 degrees, he had to film a scene. During that period, he had chicken pox all over him, people could see the pox bursting as he filmed, but he gritted his teeth and continued with the repeat takes.

Later on, when filming “A Chinese Odyssey”, he had a scene with the Bull Demon King at the very end. That day, he rushed to the set the minute he got off the plane, sat for 4 hours of make-up and went straight into filming until 6 in the morning. It was fight scenes all the way through. He kept telling himself that it’s alright, that it’ll be fine after he gets some sleep. 

It’s all because he feels that this sort of persistence pays off, as the fight scenes were spectacular.  

“I’ve never treated myself as any sort of idol, artiste or those nonsense. I just know that since I’m doing this, I need to do my work well, be professional and responsible. Let myself slowly become more cultured and improve my abilities. I’ve learnt some of that professionalism from other actors, and I’ve used it on myself. I feel very happy, that is, when you’ve finished a scene and everyone applauds. When you thank everyone for their hard work, that really feels good, instead of simply walking away, and then constantly being late and asking for stand-ins so that one can finish 3 months’ work in just one. When I saw that article, I was pretty speechless.”

 To be myself. Those three words may look simple, but after so many years of working, and gaining the so called “growth”, many will find that “they themselves” has disappeared. They have in fact, become those which they loathe. There’s indeed youth’s brashness and childishness in Huang Zitao’s stubborn attitude, but you can’t help but admit that, in this era, what is lacking is this determination and persistence in maintaining one’s principles, and the bare & blunt truth. 

Yes, he has indeed said silly stuff, made mistakes and have had several embarrassing moments. You can, because he’s under the spotlight, judge and criticize him mercilessly on the internet or offline. You might even go further and insult his family. 

But don’t forget, all the things that he dares to do, to shoulder, to be truthful on, to dream big. He dares to, but you might not.

“I have my own values, I know the reason that I exists on this world. Everyone does. Everyone can treat themselves as the leading character in their own domains, because the meaning of life is different for everyone”

He can do it, and actually, so can you.