#but apologies if I’m wrong about that regardless lol

[smokingcaterpillar]

”Loki” ©️2021

Artist profile: yagihikaru on deviantart

[taegimood]

kitty or shark hybrid tyun thoughts pleasepleasepleaseplease

i already had kitty tyun in the works so you read my mind but omg SHARK TYUN ???!!!! i know we literally just talked abt this on discord but i never thought abt how it would actually work… i’ve never thought about marine hybrids before 🤔 would he need water ??? reverse sandy cheeks LMFAO but no the predatory aspect mmmmm we should talk abt this later

edit this is longer and kind of turned into more of actual writing (??) than the soobin one ugh sorry i’m so inconsistent i’m ekwkndndkfk almost don’t even wanna post it BUT ANYWAY ,,,,,

next on my agenda: cat hybrid!taehyun !!

cat hybrid!taehyun with perky dark brown ears that nearly blend in with his hair, and a sleek tail to match. he’d be reserved when you first bring him home, but not shy or nervous like soobin; taehyun would be cool, collected, on his guard but in a way that lets you know he still sees himself as one in control.

at first it would seem like he really couldn’t care less about your presence in the apartment; quickly getting comfortable enough to make it his own, but apparently you weren’t included in that sentiment, judging from the way he’d just side-eye you before carrying on with whatever he was doing as his only form of acknowledgement every time you attempt an interaction 🫠

it makes you nervous; was this the right decision? will we ever form a bond? little do you know… muehuehue

you knew that cat hybrids were notoriously hit or miss in terms of how affectionate or independent they’d turn out to be, but i mean come on — taehyun acts as though he doesn’t even need you at all !!

imagine the first time you try to pet his ears, him flattening them and immediately swatting your hand away to shrink back with a scowl; the way your stomach would drop as you quickly start to apologize 😭 but he’s already stalking away into the next room like a grumpy grouch >:(

it’s not that taehyun hates you or anything, it’s just that he doesn’t like his personal space invaded — or at least, that’s what he thinks at first, but more on that later 👀

him hearing you crying in your room one night cuz you’re just so frustrated and sad :(( wanting to build a happy comfortable life for him but he’s not even letting you try and you don’t know what you’re doing wrong 🥺 that’s the first time he’d feel a little twinge in his chest, an unfamiliar emotion that he can’t quite place as he finds himself wanting to… comfort you? hmm.. he decides that he doesn’t like this strange new feeling and continues on to his room instead.

but the next day you’d be shocked when you’re on the couch and he actually comes and…. sits.. in the same.. room.. as you ???? someone call oprah ✋🏼

he’d silently situate himself in the armchair away from the couch, opening up his book an educated mf and starting to read without a single word as you sit there gaping at him like 👁️👄👁️ not having any clue that this is his way of offering a small bridge for the gap you’re even a little suspicious tbh LOL but you get so excited regardless and even though you try to hide it, his sharp senses are quick to notice the change in your demeanor.

also you keep glancing over at him like every 10 seconds so that’s kind of a giveaway in itself

after that you’d begin to notice little things that he’d start to do that make you realize you need to let him be the one to decide when to come to you, when you’re allowed to touch him, etc — and honestly you’re just grateful to be making progress.

you’d be on the phone with a friend one day when they start asking about your new hybrid, taehyun’s ears perking up from the kitchen; (you glance over to see his head poking out and his boba eyes sparkling with interest before he catches you looking and instantly scowls, feigning indifference as he disappears again 😭😭 your heart clenching at the cuteness..)

him listening intently as you talk about him, surprised as you even defend him when your friend makes a comment about the cat hybrid stereotypes — “he’s not ‘hellish’ in the slightest. he’s been very good. he just likes his space, that’s all.”

but his favorite part of all would be when they ask you about his breed, what he looks like, etc; his chest swelling with pride as he hears you talk about how handsome he is, how strong and lithe he seems to be, and he finds a purr escaping from his throat at the praise as you boast about him.

after that, even more progress seems to be made; like him randomly coming up to you one day with an extra bit of his food in hand as he places it in front of you and says, “i brought this for you.” and walking away again before you can respond 💀

with how put-together he always seems, you’re finally starting to see how cat-like he truly is the more he opens up to you ❤️‍🩹

he starts speaking to you more often too, his voice a pleasant surprise to you; smooth and even-toned, inducing a bit of a blush from you whenever there’s a slight rasp or purr caught at the end of a phrase.

he perplexes you at first with how blunt or monotoned he can be, but you learn to read him better as time goes on, learn to understand his subtle undertones, and each flick of his ears or swish of his tail.

you’ve also learned that he can be won over with certain treats and presents… which ends up leading to the mess you’ve found yourself in now.

when you decided to buy a bunch of catnip, thinking it would be nice to bake him some desserts with it every now and then, you didn’t think you’d have to go out of your way to hide the stuff. since you brought him home taehyun has never acted out much aside from the occasional swipe of something off the edge of the counter when he���s bored; but he never scratches up your furniture or makes a mess of the apartment, so imagine your shock when you come home from a late shift one night to find your kitchen absolutely ransacked.

drawers and cabinets thrown open and their contents scattered everywhere, kitchen towels shredded to bits, and for a minute you’re terrified that someone broke in or something.. until you realize what you’re looking at.

catnip is strewn EVERYWHERE.

the tub of it fallen open on the floor has you gaping as your eyes follow the trail of it, from the cabinet taehyun must have smelled it from, to where it then spilled across the counter, before being knocked to the floor and.. rolled in??

with a start you suddenly realize that it’s too quiet.

taehyun is never one to come and greet you at the door, but this time, something feels.. different.

which is why you nearly jump out of your skin when you turn to go and look for him, ready to call out his name, only to find him standing in the entrance of the kitchen already watching you.

he’s so quiet that you didn’t even hear him approach and you’re convinced that in another life he would’ve made a great vampire or something.. taehyun salvatore has a nice ring to it iykyk

“holy shit, kitty, you scared me! why are you lurking like that? what the hell happened in.. here...”

your voice trailing off as you actually take in the sight of him and….

taehyun’s chest rising and falling at a quicker rate than usual, normally neat hair all tousled out of place, tail swishing sharply back and forth behind him, ears twitching — you meet his eyes and swallow hard. he’s never looked at you like this before.

his pupils are blown wide and taking in every inch of you, roaming over your body before locking onto your gaze, as if he’s looking straight into you, hyper-focused; silent and still and.…

predatory.

there’s a crackling tension in the air as something flickers in his eyes.

before you can process the speed that he moves forward with you’re being pushed against the kitchen counter with his body flush against yours, radiating heat as he rolls his hips, rubbing his face into your neck as a deep, growl-like purr reverberates in your ear.

you gasp, thighs pressing together instinctively, his tongue licking a rough stripe up to your jaw as he growls, “whose scent is this?”, and you barely even have time to remember the new coworker that he must be smelling let alone the time to answer him before he’s mouthing at your neck, muttering, “doesn’t matter.. i’ll just have to scent you myself.”

his tail curls around your waist and you inhale at the slight prickle of his sharp canines as he smirks against your throat;

“have to let him know that you’re mine.”

you don’t know how you got here, bent over the kitchen table as your previously aloof hybrid pounds you from behind, licking and biting at your shoulder and neck as he purrs roughly in your ear, your pussy clenching hard around his thick cock as he tugs your hair to bring your head up into a scorching kiss; whatever insane energy high that catnip gave him was all being released onto you right now, and you really can’t complain.. nor can you even remember whatever guilt you may have felt since at this point he’s fucked it right out of you.

he’d be telling you how your scent belongs to him, how no one else can have you like this; this sudden possessiveness coming out of seemingly no where, baffling you with the whiplash of taehyun’s deeper feelings coming out.

(feelings that he honestly didn’t even realize he had himself until that catnip got him good)

he’d so be the type to act completely nonchalant about it all the next day, to the point where you’d just about convince yourself that you went crazy and dreamed it all up until he’d do something to show you that no, you definitely did not.

standing at the sink washing dishes after lunch, lost in your swirling thoughts, when he’d come up behind you to place his own dish in the sink — chest ghosting against your back as he leans in just close enough for you to feel his smirk against one of the many love bites littered across your neck. quickly turning to face him but he’s already walking away, casually and without another glance in your direction;

later you’d be tidying up the apartment when he’d walk by you and his tail would curl sneakily around your waist, trailing over your ass as he passes by..

but it’s the last straw for you when you’re sitting on a conference call and taehyun slinks into the room, eyeing your computer, and you can already see the wheels turning in his head at the sound of your male coworkers going over their part of an example presentation.

your eyes widen marginally as his narrow — lip curling as he quickly deduces that one of them must be yesterday’s icky scent culprit — and you give him a stern warning look that he only ignores with a sly smile as he approaches where you’re sitting, your breath catching in your throat as he suddenly gets on his knees between your legs, just out of sight of the camera.

you’re about to mute your mic and ask him what the hell he’s doing when you hear your name being called from the screen, quickly averting your attention to answer your coworker’s question, when you feel the tip of taehyun’s claw begin to trace up your inner thigh.. ohhh boy you’re done for.

you’d be panicking as he’d tease his way under your skirt, flipping it up to reveal your panties that he’d so easily push aside, your voice coming out in a squeak when you try to continue talking as he nuzzles his face into your cunt.

trying to deter him by pushing his head away, but that only spurs him on more at the feeling of your fingers brushing past his mischievously twitching ears; your coworkers asking you if everything’s alright as the sudden warmth of taehyun’s tongue against your pussy sends a rush of electricity through you in the form of a choked-out moan that you can only disguise as a cough.

having to sit through the rest of your meeting as your naughty hybrid meticulously eats you out, his shameless rumbling purrs sending vibrations through your core while he laves at your juices, smug eyes glittering up at you the entire time as you try your absolute hardest not to squirm and moan.

it’s so filthy, so obscene, and he’s got you so so close to the point where you have no choice but to feign sickness and quickly hang up the call with reddened cheeks and labored breaths.

but taehyun pulls away immediately and you give a sharp whine before you can stop yourself.

you can see the satisfaction in his eyes as he poorly feigns indifference poorly on purpose ofc and states, “i’m bored,” with a move to stand up — but you’ve had enough of his teasing.

“nuh uh,” you breathe, your hand in his hair pulling him back in with a surprised little trill as your need to cum overpowers your conscience.

“finish what you started.”

and he’s more than happy to oblige as that same flicker from last night returns to his eyes, yanking you towards his waiting mouth as he ravishes your pussy with even more vigor than before.

“taehyun, y-you’ve been such a… bad.. k-kitty…”

and he eats it right up, the both of you knowing who really seems to be in control here despite your scolding words as you lose yourself on his tongue.

coming apart easily not once but twice before he finally sits back on his heels, licking the wetness from his lips and observing your spent form in satisfaction;

from then on it’s decided that taehyun does like his new owner after all, quick to jealousy but even quicker to remind you that you’re his; who’s the real owner here, to be honest? 🤔

and he even comes to realize that - you know what? - curling up with you for cuddles and head scratches really isn’t so bad after all. he could definitely get used to this ❤️‍🩹

my dom!taehyun agenda knows no bounds i couldn’t stop myself womp

also this feels to me like it had a much different vibe from the soobin one as in like a lot less detailed even tho it’s longer…? idk but later i wanna post more than just one thing for each member anyway so

[arikashimorika]

Oooo. the Color Gang being so young means they've probably latched onto Alan as some sort of parental figure, not definitive, but it'd be there. Esp TSC, though bc Alan and TSC spend more time together esp when animating, TSC might encounter Noogai. Though it'd be unlikely to happen too often. But regardless, due to these varuous factors and how they dont have other bigger influences other than the internet and Purple and Mango, Alan's behavior is basically normal for em.

DJ living with Alan... Now im just imagining there just being a bunch of sticky notes around the house for Alan to see just in case Noogai kicks in and causes him to forget. Sometimes(atleast in my experience, may be diff for others with DID), My alters can like manifest as voices in my head, undefined. I do know its them bc only bc theyre distinct voices. However this applied to Alan...

Alan definitely thinks Noogai providing commentary is simpky his intrusive thoughts, especially with how violent those thoughts would be if theres conflict that violence can be used in.

Also, the thing about Purple and Mango, Purple would notice but likely takes abit longer, Mango on the other hand would kinda clock in that Alan's behavior is weird, not exactly that Alan has DID, but that Alwn's behavior is just. Off.

Theres also Chosen and Dark! If ever Dark survives in this AU or not, i think he'd be insulted Alan remembers Chosen but not him /silly. Althought their reactions would be kinda on diff ends, in the end they're both likely experiencing some whiplash with how DIFFERENT Alan is now compared to then(in their own eyes.), unaware of Noogai(for now...)

The one im fascinated by the most is Victim's reaction however. Like how would he feel if the man that tortured him for months on end was somehow also not the same man yet is? And that man doesnt remember him at times but other times he can. That the person he sees behind the screen either looks so kind or so cruel you'd wish you escaped sooner. Idk im rambling again! hehehe

Stupid Alan and Noogai doodles bc theyre so funny to me. Noogai abt to juggle the sticks like in that one short here /j

He has done nothing wrong ever (LIAR.)

Oh! I’ve seen that. Those poor little kids, Lol

Continuing with questions about DID!AlanAU

I see.. the relationship between Alan and the Color Gang as being similar to someone taking care of "a friend’s kid" (yes, I mean you. DadyDJ). Perhaps DJ just wants Alan to take a break from work and do something lighter for a change.

Even though, sometimes, the result turns out to be the complete opposite... lol

As for Sec, I think he’s like a character Alan hasn’t fully created yet (because he hasn’t been named). But somehow, Sec "came to life" on his own. It’s fun to imagine Alan opening Sec’s file only to discover that his name has already been set as "The Second Coming.exe – The Chosen One's Return." That would definitely leave Alan confused, wouldn’t it?

With Alan’s tendency to be forgetful... yes, DJ sticks reminder notes everywhere Alan might see them—on the whiteboard in his office, the fridge, even on his computer screen. But Alan always takes them down, finding the sheer amount of notes overwhelming and annoying.

---

As for TCO and TDL, I’m not entirely sure about TDL’s fate in the canon, but in this AU, I want him to be alive. It doesn’t seem fair for him to bear the consequences of everything, especially when part of the chaos stemmed from Noogai’s command codes.

After The Showdown

After clearing things up, TCO occasionally visits TSC (sometimes dragging TDL along to apologize for the chaos they caused).

Of course, Noogai tries to stop TDL from harming the Color Gang, but it usually fails (it's kind of like Noogai thinking, Only I get to mess with those kids!).

The Moment Alan Encounters TCO and TDL Again

*Alan introduces TCO to the Color Gang*

TSC: "So, did you create TDL too?"

*Alan looks at them with a confused expression* Alan: "Who’s TDL?"

*The room falls into silence*

TDL unable to hold it in, shouted : "What the HELL kind of joke is this? Are you Kidding me?!"

*DJ, who had been listening from a distance, knew the reason but wasn’t sure how to explain.*

As for TCO, he is indeed a quiet person. Even though he caused quite a bit of trouble when he was first created, perhaps that’s partly due to the influence of the name Alan gave him—who knows? And I think it would be amusing to see TDL sulking at Alan for not remembering him, even though, deep down, TDL is the kind of person who’s too stubborn to openly express his feelings.

Extra scene..

Before the AVM Introduction Scene

DJ was sitting at his desk, playing Minecraft while uploading a video to the AVG (Animators vs. Games) channel.

Alan walked over, glancing at the screen with curiosity.

Alan: "Hey, buddy. What game are you playing?"

DJ turned to Alan, looking utterly shocked before blurting out:

DJ: "What?! You know every drawing program out there, but you don’t know Minecraft? Where was your childhood, man?!"

Not letting Alan off the hook, DJ immediately made him download Minecraft and try it out.

Thoughts on Alan:

To me, Alan wouldn’t have much of an enthusiastic reaction to Minecraft. In his childhood, he probably couldn’t afford the equipment needed to play games. Or, perhaps he just didn’t care about games, choosing instead to spend his time learning and finding ways to create a career for himself.

Alan’s Situation with Purple and Mango

Alan accidentally encounters them about a week after The Showdown...

*Purple and Mango appear after being invited by the Color Gang and Orange.*

As Alan finishes his work and prepares to head to bed, following DJ's advice...

Alan: "Uh… Dude, did you make two more kids?"

DJ (walking behind Alan to check on things): "Excuse me, What?!"

Thoughts on Alan: From my perspective, Alan sees all stick figures as mischievous kids (Color Gang) or troublemakers (The Chosen One and The Dark Lord). He never bothers asking about the age or details of Mango and Purple at all. lol

Victim's reaction however..

In AVA 9 'Wanted'

After the events of The Showdown, TCO was issued a warrant by Rocket Corp, while TDL was recovering from the battle with TSC.

As both were being hunted by mercenaries, TDL was caught first, while TCO managed to escape and seek refuge with the Orange and Color Gang.

After TSC was dragged into the portal by TCO, the Color Gang quickly followed suit.

Alan, concerned about the kids, decided to implement the backup plan he had prepared with DJ since the events of The Showdown.

...And BOOM!!

The backup plan involved using VR to connect with an avatar that was created (of course, all the equipment and avatar design were done entirely by DJ himself—don’t even ask where he got all the materials from; it’s DJ™ business).

This could allow Alan to meet Victim directly, but their first encounter will likely confuse both the kids and Victim when they meet Alan in avatar form, as they have only known each other from the perspective of the cursor (to Victim). Furthermore, Alan has kept this a secret between himself and DJ (to Color Gang).

Of course, DJ has started to worry about Color Gang, who are always looking for trouble. He’s already lectured them, but did the kids learn their lesson? Nope!

[jeonqkooks]

our beloved summer | jjk (06)

You made a vow to hate Jeon Jungkook ever since he packed up and left you without a single explanation, but when he shows up at your door after years of radio silence, it turns out that maybe your resolve isn’t as strong as you thought.

pairing: producer!jungkook x songwriter!reader

genre/warnings: exes au, fluff, angst, eventual smut, swearing, kissing (omg k1ss1ng omg WHO IS IT ??? 😦), tbh this is the only warning i wanted u guys to read cuz 6 chapters in and we finally get sum action i feel like that's a win lmaooooo, jimin being Real as fook, unbeta'd cuz uhm i'm a godless menace who should be conked on the head, once again we are severely lacking jk in his own fic lol i'm owning up to this 🤗 BUT! this is probably the last chapter where jk feels like a side character lol apologies my dudes

rating: PG-13

word count: 8.1k (honestly i wrote obs6 just so i could get to obs7 lmao that's why it's a lil bit shorter)

note: my apologies if this sucks. you are legally allowed to stone me if you hate it. but i hope you don't hate it. but if you do hate it don't tell me just stone me lol 🤐 why am i so unhinged with this update

series masterpost / playlist ; moodboards ; taglist

— as always, i’d appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading ♡

I can see you starin', honey Like he's just your understudy Like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me

Exile - Taylor Swift (ft. Bon Iver)

The picture is fucking terrible.

“Jimin, what the fuck,” you grumble, staring at the huge framed photo on the wall, taken on the day of the opening party. You, Taehyung and Jimin are gathered on the floor of the dance studio, with boxes of takeout neatly sitting between the three of you. “I look like ass.”

Jimin barely glances at the wall, just continues to stuff his face with the dumplings that you ordered. “You look fine,” he says absentmindedly, mouth full, continuing to munch on the food despite your little dilemma.

“Bitch, I have my eyes closed.”

“It’s not that bad.”

“I look like I’m in the middle of a sneeze.” You cross your arms in front of your chest, squinting at your photographed self again. The more you look at it, the more irritated you become.

Realistically, you know nobody would pay enough attention to notice the immortalized visual of your fluttering eyes, and you yourself wouldn’t care about it that much. Maybe you would even laugh in good spirits and poke fun at yourself as you often do. Make a meme of it for the group chat.

“What’s the big deal?” Jimin asks.

You shrug petulantly. “I told you. I look like ass.”

Yeah, true, but it’s also more than that.

It’s the fact that the person standing next to you looks so good that you must voice your grievances. It’s the fact that he looks so much more than just good. 

The guys stop eating to look at you. You wonder just how much of what you’re feeling is written all over your face. Regardless, they don’t comment on it. 

One of them clears his throat, shaking the whole thing off.

“Did you tell Yoongi anything yet?” Jimin asks.

You poke at a lone dumpling with your chopsticks, popping the ‘p’ when you say, “Nope.”

“Damn, Y/N,” Jimin scolds you. “It’s been three weeks. He doesn’t want to push you for an answer but the man has got to be suffering.”

You flick a piece of spring onion garnish at him. It lands on his hair, a single bit of green sitting among golden locks. “I don’t know what to tell him!”

“What do you mean you don’t know?” Jimin shakes the onion piece from his head and chucks it back at you. “Obviously you say yes!”

You exhale through your nose, then take a bite of your dumpling. You nibble on the fried dough, stretching out the silence, delaying your response.

It hasn’t even started, and it might not even start. But you’re already thinking about all the things that could go wrong. Yoong is your friend, first and foremost. He’s a good friend, and you would be crushed if you lose that relationship. 

What if he hurts you, or you hurt him?

Sometimes, people are meant to hurt each other even if they don’t mean to.

Yoongi hasn’t seen your pieces in all of their jagged glory, how they’re only meant to reflect the light but never be healed by it. He’s still blissfully unaware of the ugly thoughts that have a home inside your head, and you’re afraid if you let him in, he’d realize it’s a place he doesn’t want to be. It’s hard to love a broken thing. You wouldn’t want to love you either.

Maybe this is the real reason that’s been holding you back all this time. Maybe it isn’t Jungkook - though he certainly isn’t absolved - but it’s you, and how you just don’t know if you’re someone who deserves to love and be loved. You’ve felt inadequate more times than you can count. You’ve been left before. Who’s to say it isn’t going to happen again?

You’re well aware that this is a bad way to look at things, but can anyone really blame you? You still have a heart, and despite how fragmented it is, you still want to protect it.

“I know that look,” Taehyung says, parting your fog and pulling you back to him. “You’re overthinking again.”

You roll your eyes. He knows you so well, but does he have to call you out every time?

“I’m not overthinking. I’m regular thinking.”

“Right. And to normal people, that’s overthinking.”

“It’s just…” you wonder out loud, gaze on the floor. “What if I go all in, and Yoongi sees me for who I am and thinks that I’m just an utterly sad person who can’t be loved? That I’m too much work when he’s got literally thousands of people throwing themselves at him left and right?”

Taehyung stares at the side of your face as he bites the inside of his cheek. His tongue soothes the spot, his jaw clenching once. “He’s not going to think that.”

“You don’t know that,” you say, the corners of your mouth tugging down.

“You’re not unlovable just because one person didn’t love you right. So stop it with that bullshit, because I love you,” he says, voice serious. Even Jimin stays silent as he listens to his friend, his eyes flickering between you and Taehyung. “And Jimin loves you. Hobi loves you.”

You merely blink, because you hate it when he’s right. In all fairness, you understand. This is the same thing you would tell him if the situation were reversed.

You deflect anyway. That’s what you do best.

“You don’t count,” you tell him with an unserious scoff, your tone starkly contrasting his. “You’re my family.”

You taste something bitter as soon as the words leave your mouth. You should know better than anyone, that just because someone’s your family, doesn’t mean they have to love you.

Taehyung reenacts the blinking guy meme before chuckling, holding a hand over his chest like you’ve just wounded him. “Ouch.”

“You two are getting nowhere,” Jimin interjects. “Just call Yoongi.”

“And say what?” you ask.

“I told you. Say yes. God, you’re so dense sometimes.”

You reach over to jab a finger into his side, making him hiss and shuffle away from you.

“That wasn’t nice,” you grumble.

“Well, somebody’s gotta say it.” He gives you a look, eyebrows raised for a few seconds before he lowers them and grows more stern. “Come on, Y/N. You know you don’t want to say no, or else you would’ve turned him down already. You said you wanted to start dating again. Yoongi is practically on his knees offering himself to you. What are you waiting for?”

There’s a voice in the back of your head - tiny, barely audible - that whispers, Who are you waiting for?

“Fuck it, I’ll say it,” Jimin continues. “It sucks balls that Jungkook hurt you, but you can’t let that affect you for the rest of your life. Not everyone is going to hurt you. You’re not even giving Yoongi a chance just because someone else did you dirty. If you keep always thinking about the worst possible outcome and banking on it to happen, then you’re never going to get anywhere. I love you, dude, but y’know.”

You stare at Jimin with your mouth slightly open, stunned into silence. When you glance at Taehyung, he’s surprised too, though probably not as much as you.

After a couple of minutes, you say, “Wow.”

“Tough love. I have my moments.” Jimin shrugs casually, like he didn’t just drop a truth bomb on your head. “But also…” He picks his phone up and types something in. Your phone instantly buzzes with a notification.

“Open the link I just sent you,” he says.

“You are literally sitting across from me.”

“Just open it! I made you a playlist.”

“Aw, Jimin, that’s so cute,” you coo softly, reaching over to pinch his cheek before he swats your hand away. You unlock your phone to see what Jimin made you, because that is some friendship hall of fame stuff right there. However, when the link redirects you to your music app, your smile immediately drops.

Aaand he’s back.

You stare at the screen for a good ten seconds to try and find your bearings, flabbergasted at something that is quite honestly very on-brand for Jimin if you think about it. “You made me a playlist called Dick Appointment with an eggplant emoji and the tongue out emoji and it’s mostly just Yoongi’s songs. Even the playlist cover is from his Valentino shoot.”

“So you can get it on while Agust D plays in the background!” Jimin grins, and you could just smack it right off his face.

“Park Jimin, who raised you? You are vile.”

“Validate me,” he demands. Oh, you would smack him. You really would. “I spent hours making that playlist.”

“It’s literally just Yoongi’s songs.”

“Yeah, but I had to curate an experience. I can’t just dump every song into a playlist and call it a day. I gotta make sure they fit the vibe.”

“I literally just heard the most profound shit from you not even two minutes ago.” Then, you turn to Taehyung with an exasperated look on your face. “Why would you let him do this?”

He just waves a dismissive hand in the air, like Jimin isn’t even there. “I’m not responsible for the stupid shit he does.”

Jimin crosses his arms in front of his chest, both eyebrows raised dramatically as he gapes at you. “You both suck. From now on, you can make your own sexytime playlists.”

“Nobody even asked you to do that!” you cry.

“Yeah! Which makes me an even more considerate friend,” he says. “Ugh. Whatever. Go call Yoongi.”

“You want me to do it now?”

“Yes. Because I know you’ll wuss out when you’re alone. You can stay and put him on speakers for us to hear or you can go out into the hallway. Come on, chop chop.”

“No, I have to text him first,” you protest. “What if he’s busy?”

Jimin narrows his eyes at you suspiciously, but allows you this after a moment. “Fine.”

You take out your phone from your bag that’s lying carelessly on the floor to draft a quick message to Yoongi. 

[12:59] You: got a minute?

The three of you go back to the food, abandoning the previous topic of conversation in favor of something lighter and meaningless or else you would go crazy waiting for Yoongi’s reply. After you’re finished, you and Taehyung are in the middle of putting away all the empty containers and soda cans when your phone buzzes again. 

You go to grab it to look at the notification, hands already starting to sweat.

[13:17] Yoongi: for you? always :)

You turn back to the guys to find them already looking at you. Jimin wiggles his eyebrows suggestively while Taehyung just stares at you.

“Time to get your whore on,” Jimin says in an exaggeratedly sultry voice.

You turn to Taehyung for help. “He’s bullying me.”

“Ignore him,” your best friend tells you gently. “Go call Yoongi.”

When you take your phone out into the hallway, you make sure to go to the far end of it, near the main entrance so the two dorks can’t eavesdrop. You’ll tell them everything once you come back anyway, but you don’t want them within earshot while you’re in the middle of it.

Yoongi picks up your call on the third ring. In the background, your ear picks up on some chatter.

“Hey, princess,” he greets you. Then he holds the phone away from his ear to tell someone that he’d be back in a bit.

“Hey,” you say. “Where are you?”

“Just at a fitting. I have an ad campaign to film next week,” he answers. “Did you call just to get my whereabouts?”

“No, I… If you’re busy, we can talk later.”

“We’re still in the middle of lunch break anyway. What did you want to talk about?”

You briefly regret not taking a minute to psych yourself up before. You suck in a deep breath, which eases your nerves for just a second, long enough for you to say, “Yes.”

You’re met with brief silence from the other end of the line, which only makes your palms more clammy than they already are.

“Yes?” he echoes confusedly. “Yes what?”

“Yes,” you say again. “To…”

The silence commences once more, and lasts longer than you think you can handle. Then, you hear him stop in the middle of a breath.

“Oh.” A subsequent chuckle in response to the lightbulb that must’ve been switched on. “To that?”

“...Yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yes.”

It feels like you two have invented a secret language that nobody else could understand. A single syllable, bouncing off the metaphorical walls of your conversation. Two idiots sharing the same brain cell.

“Yes?” he continues to prod, but at this point, you know he’s just teasing you.

“Yes! God, stop making me say it again. We sound so stupid.”

He graces you with a hearty laugh that makes you fight back a sheepish smile, even though there isn’t a single soul in sight to witness it. Yoongi makes you so fucking shy for some reason. Your nerves dissolve momentarily as you lean against the wall, your index finger running along a crack in the paint.

“Hmm, I wish you would’ve told me this in person,” he says, his voice soft.

“I can’t handle you in person. You’d tease me so much.”

“Because you’re adorable when you’re flustered, that’s why.” He waits a second before adding, “You’re blushing right now, aren’t you?”

“You’re being overly confident, Min.”

“Maybe,” he responds easily. “But am I right, though?”

“Shut up.”

When Yoongi said he would cook for you, you almost gasped.

“You can cook?” you had asked. It wasn’t an earth-shattering revelation or anything, but you suppose you’d never given much thought to the hidden sides of him. 

“Y/N,” he laughed then. “I’m a great cook. I could probably make a pretty decent career out of being a chef.”

“I didn’t know that,” you told him sheepishly.

“There’s a lot of things you still need to know about me.” It sounded like a promise. Like I’m willing to show you me. Like I’m willing to take the first step if you’d be in this with me too. “Does that sound like a good idea? You, me, dinner at your place?”

“My place?”

“Yeah, so you’ll be more comfortable. I’ll come over.”

This one simple gesture shouldn’t affect you that much, but it does. You appreciate that he’s considerate even when it comes to the littlest things. You swell with gratitude for the thought he puts into this, into putting your comfort first. It made you feel a bit better about yourself, calmed your stormy sea of thoughts enough to rationally accept the fact that he genuinely cares.

Regardless, it doesn’t stop you from spending most of the day obsessively cleaning your apartment. Even - and especially - your bedroom, although you’re sure that is not where the night will end. Every surface is spotless, not a single speck of dust to be found. It’s like the goddamn Pope is coming over for a house inspection. 

You haven’t had a first date in… fuck, how long has it been now? Nine years? It’s almost been a fucking decade already? You honestly can’t tell if that’s embarrassing or not.

But you remember the last time.

College, freshman year, with Jungkook. His yellow piece of sticky note that he slipped inside your favorite book. His adorably flustered expression when he timidly stood in front of you in the campus library. The way he was trying so hard to be confident and charming throughout your first dinner together. How he ran back to you after saying goodnight.

No.

You shut your eyes and shake your head, warding off any Jungkook-related thoughts before they could send you spiraling. You can’t reminisce about your ex while waiting for someone else to show. Yoongi deserves better, and that’s what you’re trying to be.

You’re not exactly sure how nice you should dress tonight. Yoongi told you that you could be clad in sweats for all he cares. If the dinner didn’t hold any connotation other than platonic, maybe you would’ve really donned your loungewear like you were merely having Taehyung and Jimin over for pizza.

You’d completely forgotten all the things people worry about in the early stages of dating, when you want to impress the other person but don’t want them to think that you’re trying too hard. 

Calm down. It’s just Yoongi. He’s seen you ugly crying with mascara running down your face, for fuck’s sake.

In the end, you opt for a sweater and a comfortable skirt. Casual. 

Yoongi rings your doorbell about ten minutes later than when he said he’d be there, holding a bag full of groceries. The visual alone makes you bite back a giggle and subsequently fail. You believe this is what people would call husband material.

You take his coat and guide him into your home. “Welcome to my humble abode,” you say shyly, gesturing around as you lead him into the kitchen to show him where everything is. Why are you acting like this? This isn’t you. If Taehyung or Jimin could see you right now, they would probably laugh. Hoseok would straight up be rolling on the floor.

You barely breathe as you watch Yoongi take in his surroundings. It’s intimidating, even though you know it’s just Yoongi. 

“I actually don’t know what I expected, but I like it. It’s very you,” he comments, smiling.

“What does that mean?”

“It means that it’s cute,” he says, throwing you a wink as he leans against your kitchen counter.

You avert your gaze immediately. “Oh… Thanks,” you reply, fiddling with the hem of your sweater. “So, uhm, what are you making? How can I help?”

“Just sit down. I got this.”

“Yoongi,” you say his name in protest. “I want to h-”

“I’m trying to romance you here. Let me do that,” Yoongi says, his smile turning lopsided as he starts emptying the contents of his grocery bags. Even though his tone is light, the gentle reminder of tonight being a date shuts you right up.

You take a seat at your dining table, though you can’t really sit still. As Yoongi starts working, you absentmindedly talk to each other about your day, about his campaign, about Seokjin’s album. At one point, you get up to creep over to his side when the smell of whatever he’s making becomes more prominent. You try to peek at the pot, curious, but he just shoos you away by bumping his hip against yours.

When you give him a small pout, you pretend not to notice the way his eyes dart to your mouth. You retract yourself from his personal space, choosing a spot on the other side of your kitchen island, staring at his back as he works.

You watch him expertly navigate your kitchen like he’s been here before. When he’s finished, he makes you sit down, not even letting you help bring the food to the table.

“What is it?” you ask once he’s settled in his seat, everything plated in front of you.

“Kimchi jjigae,” he says, a proud look on his face. “My mom’s recipe.”

It’s endearing, and it makes you smile.

For the most part, Yoongi lets you eat in peace, though there’s still a couple of flirtatious comments here and there. Every time it comes, you bite down on your bottom lip to try and snap out of that daze before you cough, as if that would help tone down the colors adorning your face. There’s no verbal response from you, and it seems like Yoongi doesn’t expect one either, because he just chuckles. You think he must notice the palpable nervousness that radiates off of you, but it’s not like you’re doing a very good job at hiding it.

You’re taking baby steps and he knows it. The fact that you even agreed to this at all is already major progress.

When you’re done eating, he clears the table while he asks you to open the expensive bottle of wine that he brought over. It does wonders for your nerves.

Three glasses in and you’re visibly more relaxed as you both sit on the couch in the living room, facing each other. There’s a small smile on your face that you can’t help, maybe it’s some of your inhibitions wearing off as a side effect of the alcohol. 

You glance around the room, and you take in the sight of Yoongi sitting here, this close to you. He feels bigger than your small world can handle.

“You know,” you start. If the wine didn’t make you more mellow, you probably wouldn’t be saying this. “There are thousands of people thirsting over you every day.”

Yoongi tilts his head, swirling the wine in his glass. “Really?”

“Don’t you look at the internet? I personally know two girls from college who are on the Yoongi Marry Me train,” you say matter-of-factly, like you aren’t borderline tipsy in front of him.

You aren’t an avid Twitter user, but every time you check the damn bird app, Yoongi is almost always trending. In every single one of his posts on social media, there is always an influx of comments asking him to marry them. Not only that, when word first got out about you collaborating with Agust D back then, people you knew - both old friends and acquaintances - practically bombarded your messages to see if it was true, and to ask if you could get them an autograph.

Yoongi stretches out his legs until they brush against yours. Your stomach flips even though it’s only your legs that are barely touching.

“The what train?”

“You seriously don’t know about the Yoongi Marry Me movement? Look it up. It’s a whole thing. People would do anything to, I don’t know, hold your hand or something.”

With an amused look on his face, he holds your gaze. “Would you?”

“What?”

“Would you do all of that just to hold my hand? Because you don’t have to, y’know.” He brings the wine glass to his lips, partially hiding his face from you, and you don’t know whether he’s doing it for your sake or his in preparation for the words he speaks next. “But I would do it to hold yours.”

You’re sure that your cheeks are burning bright, your stomach twisted in knots. It’s the wine, but it’s definitely the effect of his words too. You stare at Yoongi in surprise; no matter how many times he openly flirts with you, he’d still elicit the same reaction from you. It’ll be hard to get used to it. He just always seems to know what to say to make you blush like a schoolgirl, which you resent but you can’t deny the sparks of excitement that make your fingertips tingle.

Yoongi is smooth, and it’s even worse - or is it better? You haven’t decided yet - that you know he means every word he says. It makes you feel… wanted. It’s good to know that he’s being genuine, and to know that Yoongi isn’t the type of person who would ever pull the rug out from under you.

Yoongi is… stable.

You suppose, after everything you’ve been through, that stability is what you need. It’s good for you.

You try to swerve around the thoughts, to avoid them at all costs, but deep down you know now that they’re glaringly true.

That love is stored in two bags of groceries, so filled to the brim that some onions almost fall out. Love is stored in every flick of his wrist holding a knife, slicing the sharp blade across your cutboard. Clean cuts, yet he’s never this way when it comes to you.

Love is stored in a fond smile and adoring eyes when he sees how you cradle your expensive dishware like it’s a newborn baby before you set it carefully on the table.

Love is stored in a Yoongi-shaped silhouette, dancing over your countertops with practiced precision in every movement, filling in the cracks of your home. The love in him is reserved because you, like the moon when it crescents, still have a ways to go.

When he stands at your door an hour later with his coat in hand, you wait for him to speak first.

“Performance review?” he asks. “How did I do?”

“I… liked it. It was nice,” you say honestly. But you still feel the wine in your system, and it makes you bold enough to tease him for a change. “But it was my first date in a while, so it’s hard to tell if that opinion is objective.”

He rolls his eyes fondly. “Do I qualify for a second date then?”

You hum in thought, making him wait on purpose. “Yeah, I guess,” you say, feigning nonchalance, which earns you a hearty laugh.

“What are you doing tomorrow night?” he asks, hopeful.

“Don’t know yet,” you answer, though you’ll probably end up going home and catching up on a kdrama. “Are you coming in tomorrow?”

“Just in the morning. I have a shoot in the afternoon.” He shifts to lean his weight on his other leg, tipping his body closer to you. “But I can pick you up after.”

“Yeah? And where would we go?”

Yoongi shrugs in earnest. “Just drive around? Grab a bite?” he thinks out loud, tilting his head slightly to one side for emphasis. “I could take you to that popup store you mentioned.”

You quirk an eyebrow. “You would stand in line with me to buy a novelty mug?”

“Pretty sure we wouldn’t have to stand in line if I gave them a call,” he says, grinning. “One of the perks of the job, y’know.”

“Must be nice,” you laugh, then shift to lean just a tad closer to him. You look at him for a brief moment before you agree, “Yeah, okay.”

You and Yoongi stand there at the door, each of you on either side of the threshold. This would be an appropriate moment for a kiss, you think. That explosive first kiss, if this were a movie. Exhilaration courses through your veins. You feel it from your head to the tips of your fingers to your toes. The feeling is rendering you a mere teenager again. 

It’s exciting because it’s new. You have the entire book ahead of you, waiting to be written. At this point, anything could happen. You’re a blank canvas waiting to be drawn, a blank page hoping to be written. 

Wait.

Back up.

A kiss?

A kiss?!

With Yoongi?

You’re thinking about kissing Yoongi?!

Fuck.

Fuck?!

It’s the wine.

Your thoughts knock against each other like bumper cars, echoing loudly in your brain that it almost gives you a headache.

You stay still as Yoongi leans down, your heart racing while your brain just keyboard-smashes. You can’t tell if you want him to kiss you or not, but when he only presses his lips against your cheek, you feel two emotions at once.

The first is disappointment, the second is relief. They press down on you with almost equal force, and you’re not really sure which one weighs heavier.

Baby steps.

You blink when he pulls away, and he just smiles fondly at you as if he can read your mind.

“Goodnight, princess.”

You watch him until he’s in the elevator, until the doors close and the lift descends. Even when you know that he must be on his way to his car and that someone else is making their way up, you stand there, with your hand loosely wrapped around the door handle, your breathing slightly erratic as you process what just happened. 

Déjà vu? 

It’s oddly reminiscent.

You’ve been here before.

Part of you thinks he’ll burst through the elevator doors, or rush up the stairs if the lift is occupied, and come back to grab your face and kiss you senseless.

He doesn’t.

Jungkook knows you’re probably waiting for Yoongi.

He’s seen Yoongi pick you up after work almost daily over the past couple of weeks, and it’s driving him insane. Even on the days that Yoongi comes to the studio during the day, the guy is all over you, so much so that he doesn’t even bother being a nuisance to Jungkook anymore, which just makes him a thousand times more insufferable.

Something is happening.

He can’t weasel shit out of Jimin anymore because Jimin has been especially tight-lipped after accidentally spilling Yoongi’s confession to you.

Because that should be him in Yoongi’s place. Or should he say his place, and Yoongi is just a placeholder. An imposter.

Because it used to be him that you smiled shyly at.

Jimin’s words have been plaguing his every waking hour since he was forced to hear them. If she wants to choose Yoongi, let her do that too. It feels like he’s rewinding all of your memories, retracing them with cautious fingers only to find that his every footstep is being erased to make room for someone else.

An abandoned dirt road, while you walk down a flower-filled path holding someone else’s hand.

Like you’re stamping him out.

Like he was never there at all.

Not only are you denying him a chance, you’re giving it to someone else. When he tries to move at someone else’s pace, all he gets is left behind.

It’s not about Yoongi; or at least, it’s not just about him. Yoongi doesn’t even really matter to Jungkook in this equation. It’s about what Yoongi represents. An idea of a person that Jungkook can never be.

A bigger life. A stable present and an even brighter future. Yoongi is everything better than him.

And that’s his own problem to deal with, not anyone else’s. At the end of the day, no one has to live with his insecurities but himself.

But still, he can’t help it. Whenever he sees you with Yoongi, his eyes burn. Please don’t let him take my place, he wishes every time, you’re the only good thing about me.

It’s jealousy, sure, of course it’s there. 

But what if you realize what everyone else already knows? That Yoongi is better in every single way. That Yoongi is the person who really deserves you.

What if you start to see Jungkook the way he sees himself?

You hating him - despising him with every cell in your body - is a thousand times better than you deeming him unworthy.

“I talked to Jihyo,” he speaks up suddenly, when it’s only the two of you.

“Okay,” you answer, never taking your eyes off the page in front of you. You must have circled the words daisy a thousand times already, wracking your brain for anything that rhymes. “I don’t know why you’re telling me this, but good for you.”

At this point, you wonder if you should just avoid the studio for the time being. It’s empty here again. You resent Seokjin for drowning in concept photos. You resent Namjoon for leaving Jungkook here to fend for himself, but it’s only fair, because Namjoon was only supposed to give him a helping hand, not take over the whole thing. You even resent Yoongi a bit, for not being here right this second.

“I talked to her,” Jungkook says again, ignoring your sass. “She won’t give you a hard time anymore.”

This makes you look at him. You never asked him to do this. You never asked him to do anything. In fact, you have only ever implored him to sit still and leave things alone.

“She never gave me a hard time,” you say. Sure, you don’t appreciate being given the death glare first thing in the morning, but it’s not something that you can’t ignore. It doesn’t actively affect you, and the only reason Jihyo does it is because of Jungkook.

Because he broke things off with her?

Because he gives you more attention?

Ugh. Attention?

This is the stupidest and most childish thing you have had to think about in ages.

“You said she acts differently toward you.”

“And aren’t you the reason why?” you counter. “Because you two were fucking?”

Jungkook visibly winces at your words, like he did when you mentioned it the first time in the break room. You don’t mean to be snarky; you’re just stating the facts. They were hooking up. 

You don’t harbor any ill will toward any of his past lovers, and that includes Jihyo. You know she doesn’t have anything against you either, at least not on a personal level because you don’t know each other well enough to do so. She’s just someone you pass by every day on your way to the elevator.

“So why did things end?” you ask just for the sake of it, since he was the one who brought it up. But you’d be lying if you said you weren’t curious.

He hesitates for a moment. “She wanted something more and it wasn’t the same for me.”

It’s stupid that the tiny voice in the back of your head resurfaces, hoping that you were the reason why he couldn’t pursue things with another woman.

Jihyo isn’t you, that much is clear. You never asked for anything more from him, not once from start to finish. He was always the first one to pour love into you. It’s arguable which one of you loved the other more - maybe you loved each other equally, just in different ways - but it was a fact that Jungkook always took the initiative. He made the first move so you wouldn’t have to. He gave you the option to match his affection, and never have to worry about being left out to dry.

He took initiative, right until the very end.

You bite your bottom lip, then give him a curt response, “Okay.”

Your phone vibrates with a text from Yoongi but you don’t open it just yet. You look at Jungkook, who only looks back at you. His lips part slightly as he searches for the right words, or any word at all. It’s like you’re asking him to navigate a minefield when all he has to do is be honest. Even if he told you that he fell out of love with you, it wouldn’t be that bad. You would be hurt, yes, but you wouldn’t blame him. You would understand. It would be a reason.

Silence fills the room, save for the continuous tapping of your pen on paper.

He says your name, pleading. “I’m trying here.”

At Jimin’s party, Jungkook said you were someone important to him. You don’t doubt that he meant it, and that’s what infuriates you the most. You’re important, but he keeps running circles around you and making your head spin. You’re important, but everything he’s done makes you think that you’re the opposite. You’re important, just not important enough to get an explanation.

You know he’s genuine about everything he says, but that’s not enough. You can’t sustain yourself on just his words alone.

It’s another cycle of the same conversation, running over and over and over again. He’s reaching out but he’s holding back. You’re still getting nowhere. You don’t know how many times he has to make you ask this, only to not give you any clarity at all.

If there is a trait of Jungkook’s that you both love and hate at the same time, it is that he doesn’t know when to quit.

He texts you every day even when you don’t reply - one for good morning, and one for goodnight. He gets you a chai latte every day, which doesn’t do shit for your concentration because there’s not enough caffeine in it. He gets the door for you whenever you go into the same room together. He hounds your every waking moment. He makes sure that he’s the first thing you see when you wake up, and the last thought that crosses your mind before you go to sleep.

I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.

You suppose this is him, showing up again. In a lot of ways, it’s selfish. But it’s an effort too. Now your phone is full of meaningless messages that remain unread.

You barely glance at him. It’s routine at this point. He tries in ways that you don’t bother acknowledging anymore, because you figured that the best course of action is to let him wear himself out.  When he has had enough of it, when he deems his efforts to be enough to absolve his guilt, he’ll stop. He has to.

But at what point does it stop?

At what point will you stop wanting to give in to him? Your mind rages wars with itself every time you feel his eyes on you, and you have to kill the urge to not turn your head and look at him too. At what point will you stop wanting to go to him and let him in again? At what point will you stop unconsciously making him a priority?

All of this, you supposed, is to say: Do you still love him?

You know that if you sit down and get to the root of it, you’ll find an answer you don’t like. Even in this moment, you want him to tell you just a fraction of the truth, because that would probably be enough to reel you back in.

Your own heart claws at your chest but this is how it has to be for a while. All you can do is take it one day at a time, gently nudge your heart in one direction like a child that needs to be goaded, until he doesn’t live on the forefront of your mind anymore.

Until someone else does.

“No, you’re not.” You stand up then, closing your notebook with more force than necessary. “If you’re really trying, then I wouldn’t still be wondering why I wasn’t enough to make you stay.”

Even then, you’re still hoping that he’d say something else. But when you’re only met with silence, the anticipated disappointment in you bubbles, boiling. His reluctance to clue you in makes it easier for you to decide.

There's someone else who's willing to give you things that you don't even need to ask for.

In your mind, it's clear who you should choose.

Jungkook clenches his teeth, holding his breath as he watches you shove your things into your bag. “Are you going home?” he asks after a minute.

You could say yes and let the conversation die a swift and simple death. But for some reason, you choose to kill it violently. You bite the inside of your cheek before you tell him, “I don’t know. Yoongi’s picking me up.”

The chagrinned look that takes over his features for a split second is one that you immediately catch. Maybe it’s because he wants to make sure you know how he feels about this, or maybe you still have a way of reading him somehow. Regardless of what his face tells you, he doesn’t prod any further.

Your phone vibrates on the table, the sound ten times more thunderous amidst the silence that’s befallen the both of you. You don’t need to check the screen to know who’s calling, and neither does he. When you leave, the sound of your fading footsteps ricochets off the walls. It shoots right through him.

He hears every word of that conversation ringing in his ears then. He recalls that afternoon’s sunset; it was the most beautiful sunset he saw that year, despite the sun overhead mocking him with every magnificent glint of light. He sees the look on your face when his words finally register in your mind, the Oh moment when you understood what he was saying, when the smile you wore sunk helplessly to the floor because even though you knew that love had an expiration date, you hoped your love would be the exception. 

That memory fades, only to be replaced by something much worse. He sits there with Jimin’s words, echoing in his mind, reverberating around the room.

Technically, you and Yoongi haven’t been on a second date. You think.

You’ve seen him almost every night since the dinner, when he picks you up at the studio. Sometimes, you two just drive around. Sometimes, you sit by the river in the cold, eating hot ramen cups and giggling over nothing. Sometimes, he just takes you straight to your home if he has a packed schedule the next day.

These days, you see Yoongi even more than you see Taehyung. Even though he hasn’t explicitly implied that any of these outings is a date, you know you aren’t hanging out as just friends anymore.

It feels good to be wanted. The feeling is reinforced tenfold because it’s been so long that it’s like you’re experiencing it for the first time in a new body, as a different person.

But even after all of that, you two can still go back to being friends like nothing ever happened. Because in a way, maybe nothing did happen. Maybe things have always been like this between you, the only difference is now you’re noticing the meaning behind his words and glances.

You two can still go back, because technically, no line has been crossed.

But tonight, something feels different. It’s colder, but Yoongi keeps you warm with all the looks he’s been giving you all night.

It feels like you’re both toeing that line right now. 

You know that once you cross it, things can’t revert back to the way they were anymore.

You know that it will happen eventually, because Yoongi isn’t doing this just to half-ass it. He won’t back out, and he has made it crystal clear from the start. 

Usually, this is the part where he tells you goodnight and you have to pretend not to freak out when he kisses you on the cheek in goodbye.

He takes a step closer, you take no step back. 

“You know what I’m about to do, right?”

You do. You could say you’re even hopeful.

“I might have an idea…”

“Okay,” he says easily. He takes your waist in his hands and brings you closer. The way the corner of his mouth tugs upward tells you that he’s pleased, that you know what’s about to come and you’re letting it happen. Still, he asks, “Can I?”

You nod. That glowing sensation washes over you in waves.

“Words, princess,” he reminds you. 

Your hands land on the lapel of his coat. “Yes, you can.”

He chuckles, and squeezes you a little tighter. 

Then it happens.

The line you clumsily drew in the sand has been erased.

Yoongi is kissing you.

You’re kissing him back. 

He’s soft and warm and he holds you like you’re delicate. His sincerity, you can feel it in his kiss, and it’s only a fraction of it. Regardless, there is still life that blooms this winter. Inside of you, small and fragile, but it’s there.

You sigh into his mouth, feeling completely limbless if not for him holding your body upright. One of his arms wounds itself tighter around your middle while his other hand tucks your hair behind your ear so he could cup your cheek more easily. Yoongi tilts his head further to one side to deepen the kiss. You feel something in his kiss that you have never heard in his words, something soft and pleading. Wanting but still contained. Out of fear that you might run away, perhaps? You can’t blame him though. You are a bit of a flight risk.

The wind dances past like a nosy bystander, pressing you further into him like it wants you to be more sure in the way you move, in how much of yourself you’re willing to give to him. Instead, the cold just makes you shiver.

When you break away, his hand on your face moves to hold the back of your head. Yoongi doesn’t look half as flushed as you think you do, though his cheeks are slightly rosy.

Through a thin veil of clouds, the moon still shines down on his profile. 

The chill in the air, the mesmerizing view of moonlight dancing across his features, and most of all, the way you’re still lost in the kiss, in the feeling of being wanted.

“C’mon, I’ll walk you up,” he says, after you stay silent for a beat too long, hooded eyes basking in the warmth of a heart chasing your own. You want to want him. You do want him, but there’s still something missing. It doesn’t feel entirely right, but for now, you try not to dwell on it too much. Just let it be. Maybe in time, that void will inevitably fill.

Yoongi holds your hand through the lobby and on the whole way up even if neither of you says anything, just shy glances in the elevator and bashful half-hidden smiles. You don’t invite him in once you get to your door - because an invite now insinuates something that you just aren’t ready for - but he does kiss you again. If the kiss you shared downstairs is a proper goodnight kiss, then this one means see you later and doesn’t last half as long, but it makes you tingle just the same.

He pulls back, only to dive in again, and again, and again, until one chaste kiss turns into five and you have to push him away with a giggle so you can breathe.

“Sorry,” he mumbles, eyes still set on your mouth. “Couldn’t help myself.”

“Yoongi,” you say, a little breathily, like oxygen hasn’t sufficiently made its way into your lungs since downstairs.

He rests his forehead against yours. “You’ve never said my name like that before,” he sighs.

“Like what?”

“Like you want me to kiss you again.”

You tug your bottom lip between your teeth and pretend to consider this even though you know you would like to be kissed again. “Maybe I do,” you say after a beat, bravely. “Just one more.”

He gives you your final kiss of the night then, one that lasts a second longer than the others, like he’s trying to memorize how you taste.

You head in once Yoongi is out of sight. You lean your body against the door the second you snap the lock shut. You touch your lips lightly, reliving those moments again even though they happened mere seconds ago. You’re buzzing with excitement like a schoolgirl, every feeling coursing through your body all at once. 

You’re familiar with this. It’s the stage right before every love song you listen to suddenly reminds you of that one person.

You go through your regular evening routine with a pep in your step, thanks to a certain person tonight. You take off your carefully applied makeup and take a nice, hot shower. You think the heat would help melt away the high that you’re riding - like you’ve had too much coffee to drink and now your senses are beyond heightened - but it doesn’t. Once you’re fresh and comfortable in your PJs, you still feel that jittery feeling seeping through your pores, keeping you awake. There’s a message from Yoongi that tells you he has made it home safely.

It’s still early, and you’re far too restless to go to bed. You decided to brew yourself a mug of chamomile tea, even though you don’t even like chamomile and you can’t remember why you even have it, but they say that apparently chamomile is good for sleep. You decide to take the mug into the living room to sort through your mini mountain of mail that should’ve been dealt with days ago.

Sitting underneath that pile of junk mail and letters addressed to the previous tenant even though you’ve lived here for nearly two years, is a cream-colored card addressed to you. The material feels smooth under your fingertips, like velvet if that’s even possible. Inside, there are two names - one you recognize and another you don’t - typed out in a fancy calligraphy font and encircled by pretty flowers, all pinks and whites and romantic.

The saccharine sensation associated with the thought of Yoongi dissipates instantly. Instead, your mind blanks, only to buzz to life again momentarily with a newfound sinking feeling dragging you down.

You suddenly realize that Jungkook hasn’t crossed your mind once tonight. Not until now. That crestfallen look in his eyes from the other night appears in your mind again, clear as day.

You are, quite literally, holding someone’s declaration of love and yet, it’s not joy that you feel, having been asked to join them on their special day. 

You never thought you would see Jungkook’s family again - even though you always adored his parents and you felt that they loved you too - let alone receive an invitation to his brother’s wedding.

remember when y'all said u wanted a wedding?? well u didn't say whose wedding 😌

— all rights reserved © jeonqkooks. reposting, translating and/or modifying is not permitted by any means. [posted march 27, 2023]

[lakeshorez]

An Anecdote of Asexuality, Autism, and Other Oddities.

i originally posted this absolute essay of a comment underneath Carseatheadrest’s song “It’s Only Sex for, obvious reasons, however - I figured possibly it would be helpful to post it here to reach more folks who may resonate. (The song is fire btw, y’all should check CSH out!!) Apologies for any grammar mishaps - I wrote this after waking up from a five-hour long nap prior to taking my meds (whoops), and my autism can make it difficult when writing long-form pieces like this.

This is merely a slightly unhinged vent-post that seemed to get out of hand as I continued to write it; mainly focusing upon my own struggles with intimacy and how society views it as a whole - my relationship with being asexual, and how my autism leads me to perceive the act of sex in a slightly altered light compared to most.

General content warnings for: surface-level mentions of sexual content (nothing too explicit, I promise.), and brief mentions of past trauma.

That being said - I introduce you all to a glimpse inside my thoughts - and hopefully - despite having few followers, lol - some of you can relate, understand, or hell, possibly even learn something new about yourselves!

————————————

I’m 17 and although I’ve never been intimate nor do I have a partner - I’ve always felt immensely disconnected from most people’s allure towards intimacy since I find it weirdly “feral” in a way? Like, perceiving how aggressive people act within sexual scenarios with one another seems to put me off. As if they’re ’drunk off lust’ or something, being fully controlled by desire I guess? But to be fair, the only blatant exposure I’ve had to intimacy is through written text, along with hearing others’ testimonies on the manner. But, whenever I hear people going on about how they find it arousing when someone uses dirty talk I just feel weirdly— put off? I don’t know. Plus, I might be the only one who feels this way, but I absolutely despise the feeling of being in the act - more so the physical aspects of it. Sure, the closest I’ve had to actually being intimate is with by my own hand - but my point is, the sensations that are being absolutely overblown throughout the rest of your body; heavy breathing, sweating, a dazed mind, trembling limbs, etc - feel too overwhelming to me. I think I could be a result of me being autistic, and likely having heightened sensory impulses makes it feel so strange. But another thing I’ve noticed for me, is that the sensations feel eerily similar to when I’m upon the brink of a panic attack strangely enough. Not to mention how utterly tainted with filth I feel after the fact. Sure, I’ve tried to read articles upon articles on why sex and self pleasure is a natural occurrence - the health benefits and all - how it’s abnormal to feel ashamed or disconnected from the act, how I purely need to suck it up because if I dare express any destain from engaging in it, I’m considered a fault in the system. And yet, the internalized feelings of disconnect from my own body still linger, regardless how often I try to convince myself it’s normal.

It’s gotten to the point where I’ve sorta realized - perhaps it’s just not for me. Perhaps, I feel better when I’m not forcing myself to be someone I’m not? Or perhaps, what if all this time I’m merely lying to myself - what if my apathy and disgust regarding it was a result of unresolved childhood trauma? Perhaps made even more so of how I’ve never even held hands romantically with another human being. What if I’m wrong? Wrong about not understanding what all the hype is about — an unmoved fault in a sea of flirty playboy bunnies. I’m still trying to properly unpack a lot of what may have caused me to feel so strange about it, likely a large mess of factors; past trauma, growing under the watchful eye of a Christian mother, the fact I’m a pan trans guy- but I think one large part of it may be due to my autism. I’ve noticed, with a lot of basic tasks life throws at me, I always had a tendency to overanalyze and dissect a lot of things, sex included. I tend to view it in a very literal and logical light - sure, I can fully understand why people enjoy it, how they enjoy the emotional bond it creates, how they feel sparks from the bounds of pleasure that surge throughout their bodies - but other than that, I never can comprehend why people seem to place it on such a high pedestal? I could never quite comprehend why people put intimacy on the same level as eating, breathing, or even sleeping. I could never comprehend why people seemed to make such fusses over it. How my own mom couldn’t comprehend I don’t care much for the act, how people can’t physically accept the fact someone could live without it, as if the sensation itself is the elixir of life.

I feel whenever there’s conversations regarding the topic, autistic people such as myself tend to be left out of the conversations a whole lot. I suppose it’s unfortunately due to a whole slew of factors, such as infantilization; people viewing us as innocent children who’d never engage in something as adultery and taboo as sex because in their minds, we’re practically nothing more than overgrown children. However, I recall reading about how studies have shown that people assigned female at birth on average tend to have more nerve endings displayed around their reproductive organs - therefore, often feeling sexual sensations to a more heightened degree compared to our amab counterparts. However, I think it could also be linked to the discussion of being autistic and our feelings regarding intimacy. Since we tend to already have an intense heightened display of sensory inputs - primarily touch - I suppose it makes sense why I, and a lot of other afab autistic individuals feel like we’re on the brink of having a sensory overload when feeling any sexual stimulation. What would be considered as pleasurable to someone who isn’t autistic, could be interpreted as something almost painful to someone who is.

Whenever I try to learn on how to be more comfortable with the idea of intimacy, often the advice is so blatantly intended for non-autistic folk, along with taking on a very cisgendered-heteronormative view upon the matter as well. I’ve always felt extremely alienated when it came to talks about it and whatnot - mainly due to my autism, the fact I’m a trans pansexual dude, and past trauma relating to intimacy. Yet …in an odd way, whenever I browse through comment sections of videos on talks about intimacy and how to be an intimate partner, it’s like I’m seeing a glimpse in an alternate reality - a reality where everyone just seems to “get it”. A reality where not a single person ever had to cope with a horde of internalized mental struggles regarding such a topic, they openly state how much they enjoy being intimate with their partners, going into immense detail upon what makes them “tick” with tens of comments beneath them sharing that same anecdote. Cracking jokes and sharing their stories like it’s a normal Tuesday. And yet, part of me can’t help but feel like I’m an anomaly in an odd sense. Why regardless of how many sex-positive articles and videos I burn into my mind, I’ll constantly feel like I’m a flaw upon the system. How there’s always an eerily familiar contortion lodged deep within a pit in my stomach whenever the mere thought is brought up. How the nauseating pit only continues to expand itself - feeding off my utter discomfort, my inability to “get it”, like a spreading sickness that lacks no means of ending. But the pit never leaves, it just sits there within me. It only expands and contracts itself, constantly shifting its size and intensity to remind me of my abnormality. I can feel it deep within my body - I can feel its cruel weight make itself known whenever the topic of intimacy is brought up, whenever I feel that desire burn throughout my skin.

I suppose it’s why I felt like there was something wrong with me when I despised the sensations intimacy brought. Whenever I’d bring it up, I was told I was just a goddamn immature 17 year old who needed to ‘grow up’ and wait until I found a partner, then I’d finally “get it”. Then I’d finally understand what all the hype was about, then I’d finally feel whole. After all, being a virgin your whole life is something to be ashamed of, isn’t it? And yet, the closest thing I’ve had to experiencing any sexual stimulation is by my own hand - but even while I’m in the act, I can’t help but feel the overwhelming sensation of my heavy breathing, my heart throbbing at an unsteady rhythm, my limbs trembling, the almost burning sensation that only increases between my thighs until it boils over. And after? I feel disoriented. Like my mind is attempting to sew itself back together through trembling limbs and shaken breaths. And I want to cry. To sob, to clutch my shaken limbs around myself in a desperate means of granting myself comfort - I feel like I’m about to explode, with no other means to feel whole once again.

And despite it all, I often find myself wondering; “Why did nobody warn me about this?” Why didn’t they warn me of the intense barrage of sensations being thrown at my body in the most uneven hellish masses imaginable? Why didn’t they mention how my body would feel like it’s dying? After all, isn’t it guilty pleasure? A pleasure unmatched by anything granted by nature itself? A pleasure delectable as the sweetest honey, the closest thing to heaven humanity has acquired without the act of death. Shouldn’t it feel immaculate? Shouldn’t I feel satisfied? And yet, I lie between my disheveled bed sheets, clutching onto a pillow as heavy tears stain its fabric. And I can’t help but internally beat myself up over my emotions - why I feel so dejected and mentally shaken over a sensation that’s considered one of nature’s greatest gifts. How no matter how many times I mentally prepare myself to ‘fix’ my ongoing barrage of mental turmoil through watching videos of a person who clearly hasn’t felt the anguish I’m in explain in detail how to ‘enjoy’ the act. Assuming it comes naturally to anyone who watches, assuming that not a single person on the opposite side of the screen has ever felt such alienation from the rest of the human race over something that everyone just seems to magically have imbedded within their minds from birth. Assuming nobody is as utterly flawed as I am.

I suppose my detachment in regards to intimacy - even if it’s limited to merely touching myself once in a goddamn blue moon - has convinced me that I, in all my traumatized asexual autistic glory, would make one hell of a horrible partner. Who wants a partner who flinches at the slightest of touch, a partner who feels like they’re on the brink of a panic attack when the sensations get too intense for them to bear, who can’t stop hyperventilating and sobbing through thick and heavy tears as they try to soothe me like a distraught child, how dare I try and have my partner be some therapist for my issues…After all, that’s what a horrible partner does…right? A horrible partner doesn’t care for their spouse’s sexual needs - haven’t I heard of all those couples who break up because they couldn’t be satisfied in bed? How dare I try and insinuate that my future partner should settle for less, that they should live in an unfulfilling relationship unable to act upon a natural desire because I’m too utterly messed up to have it drilled into my thick skull that it’s normal. How dare I be so selfish.

It’s all I hear when I tell people I’m asexual, when I try and explain my autism physically does not allow me to think nor feel any different, how my entire being practically makes me feel differently around the entire discussion regarding intimacy. And yet, they express their worries and condolences. Not directed towards me, but to whatever future partner may interweave their fingers with mine someday. They mourn more intensely for that nonexistent entity over the person who’s standing in front of them in the flesh. They mourn for the fact that my future partner will have to somehow settle for less in their words, they try and convince me that merely granting my affection and love through hand-written notes and carefully crafted gifts and trinkets will never compare to the sheer raw intimacy sex can bring. How dare I insinuate that someone could be happy and fulfilled without such a need for something so natural, how dare I express one can feel fulfilled through other means that do not entail intimacy. How dare my sheer existence challenge their narrow mindset. How dare someone who chooses to become my spouse be understanding and grant me their compassionate empathy for simply being, how dare they feel fulfilled and satisfied by being granted affectionate notes and gifts over being touched by their beloved, how dare they “settle for less” and be content with simply experiencing the light of their partner through a clothed body. How dare they challenge the status quo for merely existing. It’s as if, people physically cannot fathom that someone can feel equally happy and fulfilled without the need for it. However, I suppose I don’t blame them - it’s everywhere you look. The expectancy to engage in it is practically being advertised and gossiped about in every corner of the world around them. As if feeling any distain or discomfort with the idea is an immediate challenge against something bigger. Like an act of rebellion, almost. But, am I being rebellious? How is me being some traumatized asexual autistic person on par with being some rebellious teenager? I’m not trying to challenge anything nor anyone, but it seems as if my sheer existence is already capable of doing that.

But hey, I guess you could say - it’s only sex :3 (I’m so sorry)

[shrinkthisviolet]

I would love to hear your thoughts on the Johnny / Daniel conflict over Daniel stopping the fight! Personally, I think Johnny is wrong on multiple levels. If he really thought the best way for Tory to work through her grief was to fight it out, I disagree but different people have different coping mechanisms, but he shouldn't have offered Sam up as a way to do it. Even if Johnny was completely ignoring Sam's well-being and was willing to put her in danger, Tory just apologized and was forgiven. How would she feel if she hurt sam all over again because she was fighting over-emotionally? If Johnny really thought she needed to fight, he should have offered to spar with her.

But also, I think he's wrong about her reasoning on wanting to fight in the first place. To me, it didn't seem like she wanted to hit someone or unleash her anger or work through her feelings. It seemed like she had a very specific goal of becoming the girls' team captain. Sometimes, when you go through intense grief instead of working through it, you want to distract yourself by doing something productive. Her goal was to win the tournament for her mom. To do that, she needed to be captain. That's why she wanted to win, and she wanted to do it by fighting because she wanted to honor her mom by proving she's "a fighter." Because Daniel and Amanda are well-adjusted people, they probably could have helped her through it in the moment, but Johnny undermining Daniel reinforced what Kreese said to Tory by implying that he was playing favorites, causing her to storm off. She literally says the same thing to Amanda that Kreese says to her, that "when push comes to shove you're always gonna choose her over me" and it's after Johnny implies that Daniel is playing favorites. Johnny essentially pushed her back to Kreese by making her think no one else would prioritize her, and all because he projected his personal issues (from when he was a grown adult, and that got him sent to jail) onto a teenager he's never really seemed to care about before now.

This is also the first scene I can think of where Tory and Daniel interact, and i wish we could have gotten more. She's had great moments with Amanda and some more with Sam after she apologized. It would be nice for her to complete the circle and have a nice interaction with Daniel. I think Daniel has the most to teach Tory when it comes to karate and balance, so it would be nice if he actually got to do that, lol. I heard that Peyton said in an interview that Daniel was right to stop the fight, and I hope it does actually get explored in part 2.

Love this take! You’re absolutely right. Johnny was wrong to want to continue the fight—Tory hadn't fully processed her mom’s death, hadn't eaten or slept in 24 hours, hadn’t even been hugged or supported in any way. That’s not the time to jump into a fight...and that’s how everyone ends up hurt (and yep, if Tory had hurt Sam in that state, that would’ve just compounded her grief and made her feel guilty on top of it). So glad Peyton agrees!

And YEP—Tory wanted to continue that fight specifically, to become captain and fight in the tournament. Johnny missed that (and so did at least a handful of fans). Daniel and Amanda were right there to support her, and Robby could’ve too, but as you said, Johnny reinforced “oh you’re playing favorites” (reinforcing Kreese’s words…even tho that wasn’t Johnny’s intention, it was still the wrong time to say that regardless. Read the room, Johnny, ffs) and killed any progress that could've been made*. The fight could’ve been postponed for a day (or at least half a day) until she got rest, food, and support—it didn’t have to happen right then and there.

*none of them should’ve let her walk off, and I’m pissed that they did, but they could've gotten somewhere with Tory to begin with if Johnny hadn’t interjected needlessly and had just TRUSTED DANIEL AND AMANDA

(Plus, Johnny comparing losing his mom at 30 to Tory losing hers at 17-18 felt weird to me. Loss is loss and hurts regardless of age, but people deal with it differently, and age is absolutely a factor in that)

Tory and Daniel have so many parallels, especially in s5...I was absolutely looking forward to them interacting this season. Alas...it was just for this, and Daniel never gets to bring up that he lost a parent as a child too—he KNOWS what that feels like and how much it hurts (and he lost another in Mr. Miyagi, but that was as an adult, so the actuation isn't quite the same).

[bleue-flora]

Hate to intervene on the discussion about the genuine finale, but Tommy did apologize previously to the nuke going off and he did it before Dream even killed him, Im not sure if it was intended for him to say the apology so early on if at all but it did make me a little confused when the reaction to the apology was dream focusing on tommy dismissing the revival book and then killing him. Its not that out of character or anything, it made sense for Dream to be paranoid and lash out especially considering Tommy accused him of being the same person the whole time within his apology, but it did make me feel bad for tommy, as well as the fact he didn't get a sorry in return but then again had the nuke not dropped and no reset, Dream probably would of apologized for his own actions once he really processed what was going on which is rlly the only issues i had with that final convo

Regardless on my opinion on that part of the stream, you've definietly highlighted why many dislike it and I completely agree. Dream and Tommy had closure, while pretty much no one else in the server really did, not sure if punz even did, many character arcs didn't rlly end, stuff was left ambigious, ranboo had their ending on twitter, we got nothing about dreamxd. killing staged duo off is just a repeat of everything before and it just makes the moral that violence is the answer to trauma and multiple characters in dsmp use violence as revenge and the ending having that would just be like saying that was okay. But the fact it instead took this understanding morally grey approach and ended that destructive cycle gave it a much better moral. Solid essay btw.

[context]

Always feel free to intervene, just know you’ll probably get an essay in response lol. ;D <3

In regards, to Tommy’s apology [clip] I am of the opinion that anything Tommy said before he died was not really genuine because he was stalling for time. He only asks Dream what his point of view is the server because he needed to stall. And even when Dream is explaining his side [clip], instead of really understanding it or even having remorse he mutes and says “Come on, Tubbo.” He’s not really listening, and his apology shortly after isn’t really sincere. He keeps repeating how Dream was always like this, so if he was apologizing it wasn’t because he realizes he actually hurt Dream. He even questions how Dream can be upset about burning down George’s house “it wasn’t even your house.” Language like “you could’ve got over that” tells me he isn’t seeing the point. He does not see how he might be in the wrong nor how much he hurt Dream.

So honestly, I think this apology is really just manipulation, trying to get Dream to stay. And honestly, that makes sense, because if you want someone to stay you’re not going to keep pissing then off, or at least he learned this because that was his first strategy. But that was only making them want to leave or kill him, so he changes tactics, getting Dream to talk [clip] “take as long as you need.” So yea, it doesn’t really count in my mind, just as Dream’s “I’m sorry” in prison doesn’t necessarily count.

If however the nuke hadn’t happened, and Tommy had actually apologized, now beginning to understand Dream more, then perhaps Dream would also. But to be honest that would be pretty out of character for both. Character growth can only go so far in one stream.

And I think Dream doesn’t feel sorry, not really. I think he regrets things getting out of hand and going further than they should have, but I think he’s so hurt by Tommy that he feels justified in his lashing out. And unless, Tommy were to express actual remorse for his actions and see them as wrong vs the “that was just me having fun with my friends” we got, then I don’t think Dream would apologize.

If the nuke hadn’t happened, I don’t necessarily see Tommy changing his behavior, only his view of Dream. I see him still being Tommy and pissing Dream off, just not viewing Dream as this evil devil out to get him. So honestly the reset was probably good because might as well go out on this nice moment when they understand where the audience can be optimistic about what could’ve happened vs seeing what the actual aftermath would have been. Certainly better and different but I don’t think things would change as much as we’d like to think.

Certainly Dream and Tommy had a satisfying wrap up where some other characters did not, but I would say it is pretty fitting that they would have a more dramatic actual resolution considering they have been the center of a lot of conflicts from the very start.

I do think though Punz did complete his character arc, perhaps not as satisfying as we’d like but still. Throughout the whole thing he has been in the background and more secretly Dream’s ally, but finally he was able to stand beside Dream and speak his truth, and be openly his friend, openly defend him and have his back. That was a good ending for him. Instead of being a bystander like in the disc confrontation this time he got to speak up and be heard. He finally got to die alongside Dream, instead of watching Dream die for him. He finally got to be included. It’s not perfect or as well thought out, but it works.

Have another essay I guess lol, glad you liked the other. <3 <3 and yea for sure sending a good message to the audience is super important (again something that Supernatural failed at) and to say let’s talk it out and try and see each others point of views instead of just continuing the cycle of violence is certainly a very important message to highlight. :)

[guardian-angle22]

welcome back! I need your thoughts on all the stuff that happened while you were “out of office”… Spinoff show! All the spoilers about carlos content and Tarlos spicy scenes (breaking a dresser! heehee) this year! are you excited?

Apologies for the late reply since you must've sent this to me back when I first got back from vaca. The show aired and I lost my mind and didn't notice this was sitting there.

Soo... Thoughts on the Spinoff show! I feel like there are two separate spinoff show discussions that have been had by various people and I'm not sure if they're being merged together into one now or not but my thoughts are very different for each.

Spinoff Option #1: 9-1-1 in a different city. This has been in discussion for years by various people. Lone Star was a success, so why not turn it into a franchise like CSI or NCIS with multiple cities? Angela Bassett made a comment about it during a recent Emmy presser saying something along the lines of “people need help in every city”… This is the spinoff that I could see happening regardless of how this season goes but with a brand new cast of characters. I probably would not watch this. I’m not a procedural girlie, this show was an absolute anomaly and I don't know how I got here but it's really just these LS characters I love.

Spinoff Option #2: the “Tarlos” spinoff. This is the one Rashad has spoken about pushing for and Ronen has been hyping up on social media and at cons saying it could possibly happen based on how viewership goes this season. I know some have talked about these as two separate shows but I don’t think that’s the case. I think Rashad talked about it in the context of Carlos’ character and the new ranger because that was the interview/article topic, but I genuinely don’t think there has ever been a discussion of having a Carlos only spinoff without TK. Given the popularity of the pair, from a marketing standpoint it would just be silly to even attempt to have one of the characters headline a show without the other also there. This one I feel like would have to be set in Texas and named something other than 9-1-1. I would absolutely watch... most of it LOL. I don't think I would watch any of the ranger content ngl. which I guess segues into my thoughts on the Carlos content spoilers...

Thoughts on the content spoilers!

The Carlos plots… I don’t really care about if I’m being honest cause I just don’t care about the rangers stuff and the s4 Gabriel murder plot actively makes me angry if I think about it for too long… BUT people are gonna like things I don’t and I’m gonna like things other people don’t. There’s nothing wrong with that as long as no one is a dick about it. and I certainly have no plans to yuck anyone else's yum. so my thoughts are: I hope other people enjoy!

The spoiler I AM insanely excited to see is the infamous furniture breaking sex scene. It just tickles me that they really went so hard they almost broke a toe and some furniture. That's the dedication we get from the Tarlos actors and I appreciate the hell out of it... Although it does not surprise me in the least given 1.02… I MEAN...

[daebraeksan]

Scared to talk to Bachira about him hurting your feelings (but then you do it and he apologizes and you forgive him)

Genre: comfort, established relationship, pro player Bachira

Contents: anxiety, insecurity, implied trauma, trust issues, fear of confrontation

Wc: 1289

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

You’re in a little bit of a catastrophic spiral. You feel really tender and sensitive and like anything could send you over the edge. You feel like you’ve done everything wrong (what specifically? Everything. What more explanation could you possibly want?) and you feel like everything is going to be taken away from you.

You get like this sometimes. You try not to. But it’s hard to outrun a childhood. And you aren’t really trying to outrun it. You just want to be happy despite it.

Having Bachira in your life is one thing you have tried to remove from the list of things you have periodic freak outs about. You want to work on your trust issues, and you have, and you know Bachira is trustworthy. He has never done anything to prove otherwise. Logic doesn’t really help your anxieties or insecurities but you still feel the need to point out the facts.

You’ve been off kilter for a few days in a row, situations not going your way, some major, some minor, and you hate it. You hate that you can’t just coping-strategy all of this away—all of these feelings away. You pace around your house. You sit down at the dining table and rock yourself. You curl up on the couch in an incredibly uncomfortable position and don’t move. 

Normally, you are pretty good at feeling secure in your relationships with people. You’ve worked hard to get to this point. You don’t have to second guess their motives, when you’ve known them for a long time, and they’ve demonstrated nothing but respect and kindness towards you. But this week has been crazy for Bachira, too, or something—regardless of the reason, you felt ignored one too many times, felt like you were snapped at, and felt like you were expendable. You don’t blame him at all since it’s your interpretation but at the same time you know from experience that invalidating your emotions isn’t going to make any of this go away.

And then you’ve gone and wrapped yourself up in your old habits of being afraid to talk about something. Your classic fear rears its head: you’re too much trouble, way more trouble than you’re worth, and everyone is going to leave you.

Bachira comes home, drops his stuff off haphazardly in the front doorway, and makes a beeline straight towards you. He ruffles your hair and presses a kiss to the top of your head. 

“I’m home,” he sings.

You smile at him, but you feel crazy. He must notice something is off—how could he not?—because he cups your cheek. It has the intended effect—you indeed feel soothed. You nuzzle your cheek into his palm. You want to be completely engulfed in his touch. You hate everything you’re feeling right now. It’s too hard. 

“What do you want to do tonight?”

You know sometimes he asks this as a formality. He always likes having something to do—but he is content to “compromise” with you and create an “event” for something very normal and calm and low-key that you also want to do (at home. Definitely at home.) (You hate that word because it still feels like both people lose something but whatever the word is for both people are happy with the outcome lol.) 

“I don’t know,” you half-lie—at the very least, you know you have to talk to him. The words coagulate like mucus in your throat. You’re so stupid. This shouldn't be that hard.  Bachira loves you and he’s going to listen to you and nothing is going to be wrong.

You can tell yourself these things. And it won’t help. But to be fair, being mean to yourself won’t help either, but. Yknow. You aren’t going to win every battle. Definitely not this one today.

Not that you want this conversation with  Bachira to seem like a battle. You don’t. 

He studies you for a bit. “We could…just relax together until we think of something?”

You like having a specifically-designated task, something delineated, and can make you feel like you aren’t a failure and aren’t causing a fuss or scene or trouble. You aren’t ruining everyone’s night, this still “counts” as “successful”—you give in to all your old habits, all your rigid, self-scaring habits. Why not? When it rains it pours, or whatever. Let the dam break. Etc. 

You hear him heating up food in the kitchen and he spreads everything out on the coffee table in the living room. You look at him adoringly. He knows you don't eat when you’re like this. That bastard. Loving you and taking care of you. 

How dare he?

You both start on your food, him digging in, and you nibbling. 

“Can we talk?” you ask. 

“Always,” he says, and a few pieces of rice fly out of his mouth onto the table. He picks them up and tries to feed them to you.

“No!” you bark jokingly as you twist your head away, scrunching up your face, trying not to laugh because then he will put the rice in your mouth.

“Don’t waste food!” he admonishes seriously.

“Stop!” you finally let out a giggle. He eats the rice himself and settles back down. 

You stare at him and he stares at you.

“Sorry,” he says. “It’s your turn again.”

“Thank you,” you say. You figure you might as well ease yourself into it. You don’t have to accuse yourself of manipulation or lying or whatever—you just need to let yourself be. You’re trying your best. You start off with talking about some random topics that were bothering you this week to set the scene. You explain the headspace you’ve been in and how you’ve been feeling.

He puts down his food. “I’m sorry that happened,” he says. “Can I hug you?”

You nod. You put down your food just as he throws his arms around you and squeezes you tight. He kisses your cheek. “I don’t mean for those actions to make you feel those ways.  Is there anything I can do to show you that  I didn’t mean any of that, and that I love you so much?”

You are very embarrassed. You hate to ask for anything—even normal boring stuff, and now, this feels like you are being asked to ask for something extra special. Asking someone to make amends to you feels so wrong. It feels like you’re not supposed to cause other people trouble. But anything you say, Bachira probably has already done before, and is okay with it, and some, he’s even done on his own volition before, and you  might not have even known it was what you liked or wanted before him.

You make your requests of how you want to spend some time with him doing your favorite activities and he happily acquiesces.  

“I’ve been wanting that, too,” he says. He peppers kisses all over your face. “I’m sorry you had a bad week,” he says. “That’s so stupid.”

“It was really stupid,” you say sadly. 

He shakes you. “Do you want me to beat them up?” he asks in the most chipper tone.

You sigh and shake your head. “No. Let’s just watch tv.”

He grabs blankets, and you finish the rest of your food while watching your comfort show, snuggled up next to Bachira, who waits patiently until you’re done eating so he can hold your hand. 

Nothing can make the bad events of this week less bad—but you also don’t have to carry your insecure energy into next week. You know you can do what you need to do and you know it’s okay to feel this way sometimes. And if there’s anyone who believes in you the most, it’s Bachira.

[jinxitaj]

Jinx! Does/will your autumn life thingy look any different then your regular sona?

Omg I’ve been found!! Thank you so much for your kind and considerate question!! I only wish I could return it without profusely apologizing lol

I technically don’t have an official sona, and that also applies to my Minecraft sonas. Oops! Sorgy, accident! They didn’t teach me how to make one, I was sick that day in fandom school </3

My Minecraft skin is,, a long story. A long, very stupid story. And if you want that, I’m more than happy to make a post about that. But for now, my skin is what it is because the idea factory was empty when I made it originally.

I just let my friends interpret me however they see fit, and it’s fun to see the results every time!! Seeing how my friends see me brings me joy every time without fail <3 So regardless of if you give me your own original design or if you follow the lead of a fellow autmn life friend, you cannot go wrong! I’m just a shadowy little guy who has curly hair!! Yippee!!

I will say, the next Tibby ep will probably feature a wonderful skin update that I cannot spoil atm, but just know it’ll be worth the wait <3

Until then, have me agonizing (in a light hearted silly way) over nothing when this ask originally came in

[tothevines]

my work life and my home life have both been so so SO busy lately…it’s made it so hard to be engaged with iwtv fandom stuff and it genuinely makes me so sad 😭 I’m not even as engaged as I want to be WHILE I’m watching the actual show. I’m so stressed and distracted and anxious all the time (and if I’m not, it’s usually because I’m stoned as fuck which isn’t great either lol) that I genuinely do feel like I need to go back and rewatch all of iwtv. I know there is SO much that I missed. layers and layers.

rewatching the whole show is something I probably would do regardless but I feel…guilty??? ashamed??? idk I can’t really put my finger on the emotion, but I feel Bad that I didn’t give it my full attention the first time I watched. like…I almost totally missed THEE scene of all time in 2x03 and had to go back and watch it again. like HELLO how could that have flown past me with it barely registering!!!! but I was just distracted/not in a good headspace when I watched ig.

anyway part of this is about fandom fomo because I wasn’t around for the heyday of tm and when I started watching iwtv a month or two ago I was so excited to be around while it was airing…but I have barely actually been around at all because life and my brain are so busy right now.

I know it’s stupid to feel Bad because I’m Doing My Hobby Wrong or whatever but here I am and I just needed to word vomit all these feelings lmao

anyway I’m on vacation now so I apologize in advance for all the iwtv spamming and continued word vomiting that will probably be happening

[lunar-years]

i think i remember you mentioned how jamie’s love confession to keeley had nothing to do with how he felt about her romantically and i’d love to hear more of your thoughts on it. jamie’s so strange throughout the ep, and considering it’s right after the man city confrontation with his father, it’s probably not too far of a stretch to say he’s thinking about his own father’s death and having a bit of an existential crisis himself. i think jamiekeeley is cute btw and i’m all for ot3 roykeeleyjamie! just wanted to pick your brain about this. and apologies if you’ve never posted about this and i’m remembering the wrong user

Hi! I’m pretty sure this wasn’t me who said it (but never say never because I sure say a lot on here, lol). However you might have still seen it on my blog, because I think I responded to an ask recently with the same opinion!

Regardless, my personal view on it is that Jamie was definitely speaking romantically, BUT I’ve seen a bunch of people think otherwise and it’s fun to explore different viewpoints so I'm gonna talk about my opinions on the funeral episode anyway lmao :)

I think the funeral is soooo interesting because Jamie AND Roy AND Keeley are all acting kind of strangely. Even when we figure how why Roy is being so odd (Grandad Emotions), but there's still whatever is going on between Jamie and Keeley. Because like, yeah, Jamie definitely should’ve 1) realized his boss' father's funeral wasn’t the time nor place for love confessions and 2) probably not done it regardless because, yes, it is kind of out of pocket to tell your ex-girlfriend you’re still in love with her when she’s currently dating someone else (who just so happens to be your current football coach who just helped you during a very traumatic experience)…like ohhh Jamie. Messy!! But I love mess. So therefore I did love this. 🤷‍♀️ However…the topic is not necessarily as ~coming up out of nowhere~ as it first seems, I think. Importantly, Keeley is also acting weirdly!!

I was staring at this gifset recently and thinking many a Keeley thought, and to be honest I think feelings and big emotions were being stirred up again on BOTH sides at that event. It’s interesting (and I think rings true to other insights we've gotten into her character) that as soon as things get a little dicey with Roy, Keeley starts looking outside her relationship, either for people to confide in (as she does when she tells everyone but Roy about the problems she’s having with Roy in Headspace) or to reflect on what she no longer has but is suddenly wondering if she might miss and possibly still want (her contemplative looks at Jamie at the funeral, “you look nice Jamie” etc…. Maybe this is an unpopular take, but I think Keeley is also feeling some type of way that day, about Jamie in particular. And yeah I definitely think that has an impact on why Jamie chooses then to confess to her. He's sensing a different vibe between them suddenly and is reminded, I need to do this.

The other reasons in Jamie’s head imo are 1) Jamie is just generally very open about most of his feelings and I think he’s coming at it from, a 'you should tell the people you love that you love them!' place, right or wrong 2) as he later tells Roy, the funeral made him uncomfy!! and AS YOU SAY yeah i do think there's definitely an connection between that and his dad abusing him in front of the whole team, which has just happened very recently. PERHAPS he is already Not Doing Great, and watching his boss who he doesn't really know act Weird during the eulogy for her Dead Father has him extra off-kilter. 3) as we learn in s3... his dad disappeared after Wembley. No calls, no texts. Nothing. Now, we don't have categoric evidence that this is unusual, but to ME James Sr. doesn't seem like someone who typically leaves well enough alone. I can definitely see Jamie still being freaked out over this very big thing that happened that his dad has got to be incredibly angry about. Perhaps there is still a part of him very much waiting for the other shoe to drop! Which is to say, I do think you're right that there's an element of existential crisis going on here.

Also, while I do personally think Jamie's confession is romantic in nature, I do not think it is conditional in intent. Jamie isn't telling her with the expectation that she's going to dump Roy immediately and tell him that oh yeah, she loves him too. Like, Jamie isn't an idiot. I think he does at the heart of it just want to thank her and he's been meaning to thank her for a while because she means SO MUCH TO HIM that it all has to come spilling out as some point. And a part of that love is romantic, yes, but he also loves her in so many ways. I think Jamie is perfectly content to put it out there and let her set the terms of their future friendship/relationship. Most important to him is that she knows.

So anyway, sorry this got so long and that it isn't really what your original question was about (for anyone who thinks the confession wasn't about Jamie loving her romantically, please feel free to chime in/reblog and add your thoughts!) but in summation, I think: Roy being upset about other things (Grandad) causes him to stir a fight with Keeley -> The fight with Roy causes Keeley to re-evaluate some things and part of her focus undeniably lands on Jamie -> Jamie senses something has changed between him and Keeley and because of that, in addition to the lingering aftershocks of a recent very traumatic experience, confesses he's still in love with her at a funeral.

Which is to say, as I DO always say here at lunar-years, these three's stories have always been irrevocably intertwined since the beginning (regardless of the ot3 as a ship) and the funeral is another example of that. Also it is totally crazy that we never get an explicit follow-up to Man City until episode 11 of the NEXT SEASON and that is one of my biggest grievances on season 2.

[lightning-and-sparks]

I realized that I use a lot of older songs in TATOTRTT so here is what they mean.

Message in the Bottle - The Police: This song is about loneliness and how it’s hard to reach out and when you eventually do you come to realize that everyone is lonely too and you aren’t the only one feeling this way. Obviously, I picked this song because the subject of the chapter was Jack getting hit with a bottle and it was funny. The bottle itself was also technically a “message.” 

Comfortably Numb - Pink Floyd: I love this song so much, it was written about the protagonist's struggle with drugs and how it’s affecting their performance. Originally, I saw it more as some external force trying to fix the protagonist and help them back to their former glory. It felt fitting for a hospital scene. 

Have a Cigar - Pink Floyd: I’ll admit this chapter had the wrong name for a while, I got it confused with something else so I apologize for it saying “lipstick stains on cigarettes” This song is also about the pressure to perform and how it becomes your responsibility to keep entertaining. This chapter has Jack struggle with the negatives of his career and status. Throughout this section, he does toggle with the notion of not finishing the tour

What I like about you - The Romantics: This chapter is more laid back and takes a break from the heavier content and focuses on the dynamic between Si’ha and Wander. Wander eventually confesses to his mother about his feelings and the song is about realizing that he does have these romantic feelings. Also, this song is a banger. It fits with the dance aesthetic too lol

Canary In a Coal Mine - The Police: This is honestly one of my favorite songs ever, a little history on it is that when people would go into the mines they’d bring a cage of canaries. The birds have smaller lungs; they would die if the air was toxic and when they stopped singing the miners knew when to get out. To the canaries, this was a death sentence. Jack in this fic is the canary, when he stops singing it becomes an issue. Wander & co are essentially going into that toxic environment and sparing him from his fate as a canary in a coal mine. 

Cheri, Cheri, Lady - Modern Talking: This song was written when the lead singer saw the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen while on a trip to Miami. The song is about how confusing and difficult love and romantic feelings can be, but how the struggle is worth it. Jack and Wander have those feelings but they’re not able to express it with words, and like the writer of the song; lack the courage to talk to the woman. It’s also about how these feelings don’t care about the timing. Eventually, Jack leaves just like the woman in the song.

Working Man - Rush: I’m a huge Rush fan and had to weave some of them in, this song is about how one must keep on working regardless of how much they don’t like it. They don’t have a choice and need to keep going, their social life suffers and also their mental state. Jack had to get back in front of cameras and while in front of them be someone else. He is pulled away from his friends and doesn’t seem to have any time for anything else.

Call me - Blondie: On the surface this song kind of reads as a love song, in actuality it about a male prostitute which I didn’t even realize till I googled it. Jack obviously isn’t a prostitute but the way he is used and exploited makes him seem like one. Wander’s confession seems like my first idea of this song; which is genuine and a love song about being reliable. By the end that confession gets distorted.

While My Guitar Gently Weeps - The Beatles: I felt that this song had a lot of subtext about being exploited and altered into something you’re not. I feel like Jack is being changed to fit into what he needs to be as he struggles to decide if he wants his career or romantic relationship more.

[aemiron-main]

hiiii I just want to say sorry about all these people jumping down your throat about your edward creel posts. Regardless of whether you're right or not (i think you are lol), your theories and posts are VERY well researched and well written, and also soo entertaining. how can people be upset that you've been consistently creating content during a hiatus? would they rather everyone just shut up and let the fandom fall to the shadows? truly unfathomable to me. yours and henrysglock's posts have been the only thing keeping my interest in stranger things all these months. anyway sorry I sort of rambled I just wanted you to know I appreciate the thought put into your posts and I'm really thankful to have people in this fandom who are still creating new ideas and theories even after more than a year of no new content. have a great day 🩷🧡

AHHHHHHHHHHH HELLO THANK YOU THIS IS SUCH A SWEET MESSAGE OMG 😭💗💗 YOUVE MADE MY DAY!!! First of all, HELLO FELLOW EDWARD TRUTHER 🤝🤝🤝🤝 a d second of all THANK YOU AGAIN HEHEHDH IM KICKING MY FEET AND GIGGLING!!! I really appreciate that because I do try really hard to keep my analysis (not the fanon stuff which ppl seem go somehow conflate with analysis sometimes) evidence-based and well-researched but also relatively easily/fun to read, so I really really love hearing that!!

And right?? I genuinely don’t understand why people are so upset about others delving into things!!!! I really think many of them would rather that people just shut up & let things fall to the shadows & take everything at surface value. Like even if I’m 100% wrong about every single thing, at least I made an effort to look deeper, yknow? That’s the thing for me, it’s not even about right vs wrong or dumb vs smart, it’s about being willing to take the time to even try to dig a little deeper into things before committing to surface level judgements. IM GLAD YOU AGREE BC ITS TRILY UNFATHOMABLE TO ME TOO LIKE I LOVE SEEING ALL THE THEORIES AND THOUGHTS FROM PEOPLE!!!!! Like I’ve said before, I don’t mind a super long delay for S5 because it means i get to keep having fun making theories and seeing other peoples’ theories!!!

IM SO GLAD THAT ME AND JAMES HAVING BEEN KEEPING YOU INTERESTED IN ST OMG <<<333 I have SO many more analyses in the drafts (seriously, like, content drought WHO??? i could analyze this show for the rest of my life) and so there will be lots more to come!! And James really does have such great posts, I am 4ever grateful for his brilliant analysis and friendship, seriously, i probably wouldve just stayed in my hole not posting very much analysis after the initial backlash if i didnt have james and stav to rant to!!! (and on that note I also recommend the beloved and iconic stav @heroesbyler for some more wonderful posts!!! stav is very much Onto the duffers/a fellow edward enthusiast)

Omg no worries at all about rambling/no need to apologize!! This is such a kind message to send and I really appreciate you taking the time to send it to me!!! Just!! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <<333 I’m also so thankful for the fellow theorists who keep putting out their thoughts & for people like you who are so thoughtful, kind, and supportive!!! Stranger Things is so rich with subtext and things to analyze and it’s really a shame that some folks are so opposed to digging into it. Like i said, even if I’m wrong, I still had a blast digging through the show and trying to piece things together!!!

Thank you!!! I hope you have a great day too!! <<<3333

[anonzentimes]

I’m happy you’re liking it so far!! :D (I was going to put the entire dr3 story in one ask but over 2000 words was just too much ! Lol )

So, Saki was going to go with Nagito to the vending machine but remembered there were other things she had to do, so they separated. A flower she was looking for should have been around this fountain area but it’s nowhere to be seen.

She was going to do a double-check, re-looking at her notes to make sure she was in the right area. When she bumped into Hajime! Saki apologized and went to grab the notebook she dropped when Hajime had the same idea.

They just stared at each other awkwardly for a moment before Saki stood up to let him grab it, thanking him. And maybe by random chance, he might be able to help so she asked him if he had seen the flower she was looking for.

So, she showed him a picture and asked! It was a good thing she did because Hajime mentioned that he did see something similar to what she was looking for that was actually at a park nearby! She hugged and thanked him!

Which made Hajime feel so awkward because it came out of nowhere. Then Saki realized she had written the wrong location but she was still grateful for his help regardless.

Chisa showed up and introduced herself since Saki was the last person she was looking for. Chisa noticed Hajime's reserve course outfit and asked him about it. then she had to run after “Ryota” when he tried to escape.

Saki had to write in her notebook while she waited to fix the mistake she made so she went to the right place this time! Hajime mentions that, that Main course student seemed a bit ridiculous because he thought they’d be more like elites and wished he had a talent too. Saki just says that talented or not they’re still human.

And having a talent or being a part of Hope’s Peak might not be everything he thinks it is. Besides he could be anything he wanted to be. He might not be the best to be called an ultimate but still, he had so much freedom. When Chisa comes back, grabbing Saki’s hand and saying bye to Hajime before dragging her away.

Even though Saki wanted to go to the park before she went back to the Main course she just decided to do it tomorrow and gave a wave of goodbye to Hajime!

It’s been a bit since and they’ve had perfect attendance and you know it was fine they haven’t come together as a group but at least some were having fun. Like Akane and Nekomaru even though they were destroying the classroom. She does end up leaving because it was distracting and she can’t focus on her research.

Ryota was also outside the classroom. He talks about having friends or being united as a group doesn’t matter because they’re elites and all they need to do is graduate to succeed in life. While Saki doesn’t completely agree with that she does think that it’d be hard to make friends because being a botanist isn’t that interesting and sometimes it feels like that’s all she’s good for.

Chisa pops up giving her a speech on how she’s sure there are other things that Saki likes to do that can do with the class! But she also doesn’t even know if other people don’t want to hear about her talent because she never even tried to say anything about it! She is way more than just talent and it’s not important to live a happy life.

So this part I did have trouble with because I wasn’t sure how to have Saki bond with her classmates with something that fits her character and also something the rest of the class would do. But I did come up with something so you can tell me what you think!

I haven’t mentioned this yet but Saki has always been a pretty creative person! She loves making things, things like beaded necklaces/bracelets, flower crowns, and sometimes earrings.

The flower choker and leaf hair clip she wears she made herself using real plants! Same with all her flower crowns. So since she likes to do these things maybe her classmates would too. She brought everything she had to the classroom and they were just going to have fun and make whatever they wanted. 

I do think it would take some convincing to get everyone on board because it may not sound as fun as it ended up being! But also the way she bonds with Hajime is a bit different mostly because I can’t really imagine them just doing arts and crafts, maybe sometimes.

So instead she bonds by talking! She can tell he’s insecure and she wants to help if she can. One of the chats she had with him was about how she also had high expectations for Hope’s Peak and the people around it. Before she got accepted she was somewhat indifferent toward the school.

Only because she just never assumed she’d get it so she tried to not let it bother her. She thought it’d be a hard-working school with hard-working people! That’d be super stressful and difficult.

Then she did get accepted and she was shocked but honored because to her it seemed like they thought she was good enough to handle it. They wouldn’t have invited her if they didn’t think she could do it, you know? Then she got there and well it wasn’t like that at all, you don’t even have to attend classes as long as you pass the exams. Safe to say she was disappointed.

But also being in the Main course or having a talent didn’t get her to become friends with her classmates. Sure it was the reason she met all of them and even Hajime but 2 months ago she still only hung around with her one friend that she knew before Hope’s Peak but she was the one who tried to make an effort to be friends with them by being herself.

So basically what she’s trying to say she that Hajime probably won’t find the confidence he’s looking for by being a Main Course student or having talent. It all comes from him only.

Saki also officially became the class rep showing how she was willing to defend Hiyoko from Teruteru during the food scene by giving a hard backhand slap to his face. She wasn’t going to accept at first thinking she wasn’t fit for it but everyone’s support made her go for it.

But she was getting closer to her classmates and Hajime having a good time! Hajime was late to their usual hangout spot but he did show up. He couldn’t stay because he had something to take care of but asked Saki to make a bunch of memories for him.

Saki agreed and said that she’d see him tomorrow. Then the school gymnasium had an explosion which led to the suspension of Nagito and Chisa leaving to teach at the Reserve Course for 6 months.

Saki promised to protect her classmates for the time being while Chisa was out but it was kind of a struggle. Part of her felt lonely she’d never been away from Nagito like this basically since they met. Hajime still hasn’t shown up and now Chisa’s gone.

That's soooo interesting having the person you've known practically your whole life be suspended and having to improvise is interesting lol. I enjoy the way she empathizes, obviously, and knows how to articulate the main points better than Chiaki did. I think them getting closer by her talking and giving flower gifts to the class is sweet! I like how much she values consent much like Nagito, I can imagine she was at least slightly influenced by him since cares about it so so much (which GOOD!)

[bleue-flora]

https://www.tumblr.com/bleue-flora/750480278369222656/hate-to-intervene-on-the-discussion-about-the?source=share

sorry late replyy ahh ok I cant believe i just forgot about that part. I litterally wrote out the whole transcript after watching it in my docs and somehow forgot that Tommy wasn't being genuine there. My bad. You're right. Also, with Punz getting closure you've swayed me, I didn't interpret it like that before genuinely.

About the nuke not going off and the no reset, I think the bit at the end showed that both dream and tommy were going to work together, not exactly become friends. I think regardless of their anger with each other, lack of genuine apology, and different methods. They would've of found a way to compromise on how to 'fix the server' I've seen some people theorise that Dream would have gotten rid of the revival book and given up asap. And then Punz would want to stick to the plan and ditch Dream. I mean I don't know entirely about that. It makes it sound like Punz only cared about the book when on so many occasions he has defended Dream. No idea what will happen with the book. Dream didn't believe it was too late anymore, and was relatively open to change, But he is going to take a while to come into terms with what happened, like you said it would take time. maybe the compromise is using the book sparingly but i guess that ruins the point

tommy and tubbo are morally against the revival book and would never agree to go by those methods and majority of the server probably agrees with them except foolish, potentially sapnap since he had the death book, and quackity who wanted the revive book but he'd never work with dream and theres others that I'm forgetting. tommy going back to causing problems?, I agree with however I could see him being more perceptive of the people around him, and avoiding dream now that he realizes dreams human, maybe Im gullible but i interpreted his actions in the final stream as feeling empathetic even though not apologising properly except for the nuke. Theres also the consequences that tubbo would face for setting off a nuke to begin with, that and the fight with dream xd but ig since theres no reset then dream xd got defeated? idk also what happens to lazar and vikk r they just left dead lol. its like 5am for me

Yooo please share the transcript, I love to study them for writing dialogue.

Yea I mean I do think they would try and compromise and work together in some capacity, but I guess what I was saying was I struggle to see Tommy’s behavior change. Maybe I’m wrong, but the fact that their was not genuine admission of guilt or remorse makes me think that Tommy wouldn’t stop being a menace and hurting Dream if the nuke hadn’t happened and Dream wouldn’t stop trying to stop Tommy with whatever means necessary. Maybe I’m wrong though. I don’t know honestly, there’s a lot of variables at play with two very broken, impulsive and emotional characters. So I’m not sure what would have happened if the nuke hadn’t happened (with Tubbo or XD or whatever as well… that shall remain up to people’s aus and fanfiction). But I don’t think things would change between them as fast as we think. If they ever did apologize to each other, it would take time and healing for that to happen. And like they wouldn’t just magically start getting along. In other words, whatever happened next would be complicated and messy, and probably not work out anyways because some of the other characters aren’t about to just let Dream back into the fold.

Having said that, from my understanding it wouldn’t be that Punz or Dream would give up the revive book (it’s not like they can get rid of it since it’s knowledge lol XD), more so just not go through with their plan to kill everyone or whatever. And I certainly don’t think Punz only cared about the book or would continue with the plan without Dream. They were friends before, Punz isn’t just Dream’s friend for payment or immortality and the revive book. 

But anyways… clingy duo are kinda funny in their anti-revive book stance because they really weren’t at first and honestly as Dream actually highlights in the finale [clip] if Tommy had killed himself, would he have been fine with being in limbo - and Tommy does not answer. I I think they were more against the idea of immortality, but missing the point that people on the server seem to be dying well before getting to more natural causes of death like old age - so basically Death is all good and well if it's not premature (and preferably someone else). Like, literally when he does die a few minutes later, he begs Dream and Punz to bring him back. So, while clingy duo talk all high and mighty about the revive book being bad, when push comes to shove, they don’t want to end up in limbo (despite being more than willing to send Dream there). And do the other server members not agree with the revive book? Like I’m not sure that’s true, I don’t particularly remember people talking about how people should stay dead. In fact, people seem to have forgotten about the book so much so that Sapnap is caught off guard by the book when he and Dream talk after the prison break. (where he then immediately wants to get his hands on it…). So I'm not so sure the majority of the server are really against it... 'But that's just a theory. A dream smp theory! Thank for reading.' ;D