#but anyway enough of that sadness that it's what this post is about
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a bingbing that i made back in december but never posted and only found now when looking for something in my files

i remember that the context was that i saw one too many bad faith binghe takes (on twt) so i sat down and doodled my little guy so i would feel normal lol
#svsss#luo binghe#i think i didnt post it back then cuz it didnt feel good enough and i was sad about it#but ykno what hes cute get posted 6 months later idiot#anyway no binghe bashing allowed on this blog btw
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walking through lucanis' mind prison. the tam lin of it all
#his mind keeps changing forms and you just have to show him you won't let go of him#it doesn't even really matter what you say to him just that you're consistently there to say it. your voice is a comfort. im in pain#I'm having so many feelings about like... rook can't be here. because of all things in the world rook means 'safe'. what if I exploded#what if I just shattered into a thousand pieces and was swept away by the wind actually#'it's better that I stay here than risk losing you' is such pitch perfect trauma logic. freeze logic specifically#on some level he seems to think he keeps rook safe like. existentially. by staying here#it's heartbreaking child magical thinking that makes me wonder like. has he basically been in a place like this inside#ever since his parents died? before that? the ossuary is just new set dressing the underlying logic is OLD. and very very sad to me#'I keep everyone safe by staying here'#(and then the perfect hilarity of having an actual demon be like 'ROOK. YOU TALK TO HIM HE NEVER LISTENS TO ME'#tfw your inner demon gets worried enough to stage an intervention and get you therapy whether you want it or not lmao)#dragon age#dragon age spoilers#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age: the veilguard#rook x lucanis#lucanis dellamorte#rookanis#rye staying mostly in gentle professional mode for this one b/c this is literally his training#('I may not be batting a hundred at being a person but I DO know how to deal with fade shenanigans! not to worry I've got you')#except in that last part with the illario mind ghost where he roundaboutly admits 'I need you I don't know how to do this without you'#in rye speak that is very big it's like. third base of his soul or something. we do not ask for things for ourselves in this house#(because we already know we will not receive anyway so that sounds both humiliating and ultimately pointless. no thank you!)#and yet. the things we'll admit for love#the feeling that some of the things varric did for rye immediately post-exile rye is paying forward with lucanis now. don't look at me
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Roleswap anyone??


Tell me Fernando wouldn't make a fantastic general/emperor, and that Napoleon wouldn't make a fanastic driver/tp!!
#this might be the most mentally ill thing ive drawn yet....#lmao im like ah this would be a funny idea to draw#and then got WAAYYYYY more into drawing napoleon#to the point of cuteness aggression and sadness that him in f1 isnt real :(#cofi and i made up a whole lore and plot line so if you want a pt 2 of that hmu LMAO#but briefly: hes a driver(2 wdc btw) who got kicked out for smth and then came back as a tp again to torment his former rivals#gahhhhh why is he so cute why isnt he real :( i would stan him so hard you dont understand#with his cute little lesbian bob and introverted but brave and outspoken demeanor....#his mechanics and team in general are all tall men who love to pick him up#but god the plot is just so fun and compelling that it makes me sad that kinda driver doesnt exist irl#my greatest dream is for someone from the actual napoleon fandom to see this#bcs its weird enough for you guys so i cant even imagine what theyd think#BUT PLEASEEE#anyways. this is a very odd post. but im very proud of it :)#lmao this is just like one step closer to actually writing my proper manifesto about it#but yeah i posted that silly meme the other day and it got way more notes that i expected so maybe this will be appealing too?#girls who cannot draw normal fanart#<- like seriously i wont draw napoleon in his normal clothes and fernando vice versa but no prob with the reverse?? my brain...#f1#formula 1#fernando alonso#nandopoleon alonsoparte#napoleon bonaparte#napoleon#catie.art
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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Not the only thing making me sad right now by far, but:
I’m really sad my brain is not in better shape to write more YR fanfiction this month. I feel mentally burned out and I hate it. I was looking forward to characters’ month so much for so long and I feel like I’m getting a failing grade in actually being able to write them.
Sorry for failing you, YR fandom. I hope I’ll be able to write my favorite characters again someday.
#wrote a longer post about this earlier#deleted and attempting a shorter post because the feelings still linger#probably i just need to let this fandom go gently#well. not entirely! I want to keep the good friends I made.#I want to finish the fics I started#but I need to let go of my hope that some of the fandom dynamics will shift a bit and make room for Other Characters.#that hope does not serve me#I had kind of hoped february would make me feel less isolated in the fandom but i still feel isolated#(save for those very good friends I mentioned earlier. who are MVPs and deserve all the cake.)#(I cannot thank them enough. their fanworks light up my life regardless of what month they’re posted in.)#anyway maybe I just need to rest or call congress more until the sadness goes away.
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What do you think about gojo ships
I feel like I'm pretty indifferent to most of them. This is super cringe of me, but whenever I fall super in love with a character I don't often like shipping them romantically with anyone. 💀 (im delusional I know)
It doesn't help that for some reason the jjk fandom (especially twt) is weirdly aggressive about ships. I know it isn't all the shippers and it's mostly just the loud minority, but seeing so much of the discourse has kinda put me off and I don't really engage much with the ships in the fandom except for rarepairs and selfships bc alot of the time those communities are more wholesome and cozy (if that makes sense LOL)
#satofie best ship#andnajdjskdjksnfksndjdj im sorry im cringe 😔😔#anyways i honestly have no idea#its not even about not liking seeing him with others bc i enjoy seeing other ppls gojo × oc/selfships#i just for some reason dont really vibe with any of the existing gojo ships in the series#weirdly enough if i had to choose one i feel like sukugo is the most interesting one LOL they are so funny with eachother#i feel like in a different life they really couldve hit it off#i feel bad for gojohime shippers sometimes#like i personally dont like the ship but oh my god ppl on twitter are so mean about that ship i dont even know why ???#is it bc alot of them prefer him shipped with a guy ?? or they dont like seeing another woman that isnt them with him?? i dont know#but i see so much hate for it and it makes me sad bc like just move on or mute the account so u dont have to see it if you really hate it#the amount of times ive seen some big jjk account qrt a fanart dissing the ship while also getting more likes than the artists post is craz#why do ppl fight over fake people kissing.......#i remember this one account specifically that was obsessed with gojo but they were so snobby about it and like gatekeeping other fans#and they really hated gjhm and for some reason felt the need to make it into a problematic ship instead of just saying#i dont like this and moving on#but they made this whole thing abt how toxic they actually are bc utahime hates gojo#only to (in the same thread) gush over their fave ship which was nanago#and i felt crazy bc its......literally the same dynamic what#like am i missing something ?????#anyways this got a bit wild but pls be nice to eachother and respect eachothers ships#you dont have to justify why u dislike a ship you can just not like it#no need to turn it problematic
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Is alcohol really needed to have fun?
I don't know how to tag this and if anyone will/could help but, I've seen people say before they wished there were places to gather that wouldn't have alcohol. I'm guessing in the way bars are opened in the evening/at night, while coffee shops usually close early (at least most of the time, since they usually open during the day).
The coffee shop Time Out Space I talked about here, was opening until 9-10pm, but they had almost no one showing up so at some point decided to change a bit their opening hours, but it still didn't work unfortunately.
Now the people who run it think it must be because they don't sell hard alcohol (except for one type of light Korean beer but people have to also buy something to eat with it, for license reasons). They see bars all around town completely full every night, like so crowded people can't even find sits sometimes, and would even stay standing outside some bars with their glass awkwardly hovering until a group leave.
I think they simply didn't find the right partrons yet, people who have money to spend and would be into pop culture and would rather have a nice calm place to eat and drink soft drinks, and be able to play games and/or discuss nerdy stuff. I believe people who don't like super noisy full of drunk people bars exist, and it's sadly just hard to reach people through social media if you're not constantly pumping content and sharing pretty things, but being able to sell alcohol still wouldn't help them.
Does someone have ideas to be able to attract the right regular clients attention? Or are they right and the problem is the lack of alcohol?
#alcohol tw#Coffee shop#Rennes#upthebaguette#whatthefrance#french side of tumblr#Time Out Space#This shop has been one of the few positive things in my life in the last few years and I'll be really sad if it closes#Unfortunately their crowdfunding is probably not going to be blowing enough either we don't know what else to do...#They would love to have international students btw one of them speak Spanish and they do their best communicating in English too#Anyway I'm sorry for not having answered a couple of messages I got last time I posted/talked to someone here#But I have a bunch of stuff to worry about irl and it's taking most of the little energy I have and#it's making my usual difficulties to reply worse really sorry
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so I wanted to say that since I'm really enjoying this event, I will likely continue to post about it, including analysis. I want to talk about the game mechanics and strategies but it's been so hard to do without people thinking you're talking about the discourse. I think as a community we all need to be a little less jumpy about this event, because I've seen posts of people being afraid to talk about the team their watching because they don't want to be dragged into discourse. I think a lot of genuinely lighthearted posts about a fun event are being misconstrued as something malicious
all of my posts are made with the spirit of friendly competition. a lot of other people are posting like this too! people should be able to do this without getting accused of hating ccs or being unfair
i've been posting a lot about red team, specifically because that's who i've been watching the most. i watch pretty much every english speaking qsmp member, it just so happens that right now i have a sub to foolish so i've been watching him so i don't have to deal with ads. because of this, i will probably continue to talk about red team the most. i'll talk about blue and green teams when i watch them! if i had the time to watch vods from every team and do a complete strategy analysis, i would. but I don't have that time. i genuinely don't care which team wins, but that doesn't mean I won't be rooting for certain teams on certain days. like on day 2, red team going from barely visible on the score bar to winning the day was an amazing underdog story! of course i'm going to root for them! and for day 3 I was rooting for green team because i want to see fitmc tryhard!
at the end of the day this is a fun event. it's fun for the ccs so it should be fun for the fandom. and if you're scrolling thru tags and getting upset/annoyed/angry at people posting about a friendly competition, you might need to reevaluate yourself
#really just posting this as a precaution bc I feel like people get mad at me for posting about strategies and it makes me sad#because i'm trying to have fun#and i would love to watch and support everyone but i cant there isnt enough time and i dont speak french#anyway let people support red team without getting jumped#they're just talking about their streamer like chill#like genuinely the way people are talking on here makes me feel bad for supporting red team#until i remember that i did nothing wrong they're just being mean#i get youre defensive but like YOU are the one creating discourse my guy#we're just over here talking#thought about switching it up for today and watching blue team but then i rememberd#i dont have to appease you i can do what i want#if i want to watch red team and talk about red team then i can do so#if you have a problem with that it's your own fault#sorry these tags are really sassy but like fr people need to chill#talking about the discourse all the time only makes it worse#and i want to keep talking strategy without having to defend myself constantly#because i hate when people intentionally misinterpet my words#ok rant over#qsmp
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cursing my friend
#felt bad that he was always so sad about the lack of them anywhere. so i drew this for her#but also i like how it turned out enough to also post this here#little afraid to tag this though cause i dont want him to find my tumblr#terrifying thought to me#anyways#uh. i dont know anything about wxs except what shes told me so#said friend is a big fan of the he/she tsukasa headcanon and liked the long hair so that why tsukasa has. ling hair#then i added a littke short haired nene because i figured it fit#though she just looks like shiho to me like that
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Idk if it's bc I'm like NOT suffering the horrors or if my state of being is why or whatever, but man. I've really been being a yapper, huh?
I say this in reference to my social life lmao
#sepiasys.txt#Old friend from WH random times wanted to make friends again and we did a bunch of dms and I wonder to myself about how I did it#bc even during the moment I thought about how bad i am at conversation; like I can't start or maintain one successfully in many cases. so ye#OMG *FANDOM NOT RANDOM LMAO I DIDN'T REALIZE THE TYPO WAS SITTING THERE STARING ME IN THE FACE#Anyways uh yeah my yapping has been a specific brand of it and I'm just. idk. I'm ig not fully there so I hear myself#and I think 'man I rlly am autistic; huh?' and it's just kinda sad to think about but I try my best 🥺#or some part of me does like the bare minimum ig lmao idk.#No plans for Saturday; might just sleep in tbh. I've been able to eat regularly enough that I feel ok. I might need to like. find an to fill#Saturdays with- I just got interrupted irl. I might need to find smth to fill saturdays with; assuming that S will be home on them#Sunday is spaghetti day :3 I'm doing researches on food in the meantime btw. can work on that and resume tmr ^^#I got interrupted with oreos btw from my roommate/bestie; it confused me /lh#Anyways Yeah I'm gonna write down schedule for da week probably :3 I keep tracks of stuffs ^^ Am glad when I can look back on info I need 😅#OH YA I GOT FREE BUS TICKET. Idk how they work but I have it so thas cool :3#Idk what to say without repeating myself 😅 I also forgor what this post was originally abt. Anyways :3
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you ever miss your comfort character so bad you gotta go outside about it
#idk i've been pretty stressed that's probably why i randomly got rly sad abt it#and by it i mean the uh. gestures vaguely at fandom i guess#either nobody's there or it feels like i'm not exactly welcome. or both! which tough shit i'mma take up the space regardless but like#this weird sense of elitism I get in a space that's built by and nurtured by people whose MO is 'caring a lot' is.. hm.. interesting#idk just got reminded this morning that some people view critique as a free pass to drag a creator through the mud#when what you SHOULD be doing is uplifting them so that they can improve and reach their maximum potential. you clown. you absolute buffoon#it wasn't targeted at me or anything it just made me so angry/sad. smad. i'm smad about it#i just get hit with a wave of what's the point. what's the fucking point nobody cares abt things made with passion for the love of the game#we don't have time/it's not good enough/it doesn't matter/it's been done better/why x when we have y#and you know what fair enough everyone's entitled to their own emotional responses of course.#if you think your opinion is reason enough to tear it down then we're gonna have to agree to disagree on that one i think#just keep in mind that you could have loved what they made. other people could have loved it. it could have changed something for someone.#i personally know artists and have worked with artists who have put so so much effort into making something work over and over and over#only to have no audience and get back up saying guys let's give this just one more try.#hell back in the day I was an accomplished writer kid who was told that you may be good but nobody gives a fuck#artists who use up all these resources just to bring something new into the world and nobody's looking. what's the point. what's the point#anyway. i'm gonna go wade through the snow for a bit maybe sink my bare hands into it you guys want anything#started the post thinkin abt my blorbos ending it crying putting my shoes on alright I'm going I'm GETTING the FRESH AIR fuck off#i'll be god once i've gotten a bottle of coke and some mozzarella sticks. wait am i pmsing. fuck#god i hate that i don't drink sometimes.
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#having mental health issues from such an early stage of development its like.#i have dulled myself to the prospect of joy because that theoretical was so unlikely#that to expect it was painful.#and the dull acceptance of just. baseline disappointment and depression is much easier to deal with#but then i get well enough that i see hints of what im missing.#and i get so mad at myself that i have crippled myself this way. that i took away the possibility even and i don't know how to find it again#i dont know how to just. be excited about things and be happy. so I sit there. still self isolating and self sabotaging. but like.#im a healthier more self aware way lmao.#but I'm still keeping myself from doing normal happy person things because I don't know how#and there's still that same sadness and regret that im wasting all of it. what i worked so hard for.the opportunity.#and im just paralyzed because i dont know how to want to be happy but im well enough to know that it isn't this#and you never stop feeling like youre wasting all your time and energy and potential and love#but it's still less scary than the alternative. because theres a sort of familiar comfort in disappointment.#that feeling when you get well enough to fully grasp what youve lost and well enough to be ao mad about that loss#but not well enough to to be brave enough to try#like. fucking hell man. anyways im fine. i think its just strange#being the first Christmas in like. 10 years not wasted. and its better. like genuinely it is all better.#but it's still not good.#personal post#brain drivel#*goes off to read porn*
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i don't read enough loz fic to know what the popular fanon is so maybe this already exists but there should be a revali and zelda besties agenda i think it would be good for them
#loz#botw#zelda#revali#i will be posting tonight like the champions never died#anyway just decided this. I think they would've initially bonded over having the same issue with link#cause they both initially don't like him bc they both view him as having had his destiny handed to him basically#while they work and work and work and still feel that they aren't seen as good enough#and then I think the fact that revali is really abrasive would be appealing to zelda tbh#cause she's a princess and often very composed in most of the memories she's having to sort of suppress a lot of her emotions#like she obviously gets very loud and angry with link but I really don't think that's her normal behavior#I think she does that both cause obviously he's the person it's easiest to pin all her frustration on#but ALSO because he's the only one she really CAN yell at. the people she's frustrated at are her 1. her dad#2. herself. and 3. link. other people around her would seem generally blameless for The Situation#she can't yell at her dad there's only so much you can do about hating yourself and no one ever wants to acknowledge that you hate yourself#you'd rather just hate someone else. and link is the easiest target of the three#and then on top of that link is generally very unreactive which pisses her off to no end initially#BUT does make yelling at him a thing with no consequences#anyway that was long winded but what I'm saying is that zelda is a person surrounded by very composed people#who has to be very composed herself. link being the one exception. but she's so angry and sad all the time#and not often able to vent her frustrations#BUT revali is so abrasive and rude like I think if zelda was friends with him it would be a great bitch4bitch moment#and then on revali's end like I think zelda would be SO fascinated in the science behind his flying technique#and he'd fucking preen at that he'd love it he'd be like she hates that twink too AND she appreciates my skill. ideal bestie material#and he doesn't seem like a very spiritual person. bird. bird person. so while I definitely don't think he's THE ONLY person#telling zelda “hey you don't need to be doing this much praying your other contributions are good also”#it's still always good for zelda to have more people in her corner#and I do think he'd acknowledge the skill she has in other areas bc it's something she worked hard on I think he'd do that#realizing 90 percent of that was “why zelda needs revali as a bff” and not the other way around#always thinking of my girl exclusively it's true. never beating the zeldapilled allegations
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sharpe interesting to me for reasons that I can't even tell are actually in the show or not... it is partially that I got introduced to the land parts of the various napoleonic goings-on in a sort of Archaeological context to start out with, so when I'm watching these guys cross back and forth across spain, losing items and burying friends and enemies as they go, I do keep thinking of hundreds of years in the future and where those things will be. lost shako badges and stray bullets will turn up eventually. wooden grave markers will rot. names will be forgotten and skeletons will remain, buried on a hilltop and maybe someday found. time passes and the dusty weight of history is a very present thing.
#em is posting about sharpe#or it is to me! pointing and shouting pepe silvia style to ask if anyone else is seeing this!!#most historical fiction does not do this to me but sharpe does for some reason#maybe it's that most war fiction I like is maritime and here we're standing our way through funeral after funeral and death after death#and they put them in the ground! and I know a little bit more about how the ground keeps someone than how the sea doesn't!#this is also about the antoine faveau cuirass and that in mental comparison to h&h at waterloo#this is a show that devotes a significant amount of time to what you do with your dead (in my personal opinion anyway!)#and h&h do not and will not get that. and I make sad little whimpery noises and possibly some sad art about it.#all the revenge in the world doesn't let you get them back! and the likelihood of there being time to sort through and set them aside is#not really a lot at all!#and it all doesn't mean much and the world doesn't remember them and no one knows their names or what they did#augh. I haven't been this soupy over The Historical Fiction In Its Haunting of an Imagined Present since the terror#well that's enough speech-making in blueberry park for tonight I think. back to the old physical therapy lurk.
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wait that idea is making me lose it pep comes over to hang out one day and he’s like guys. I need you to not die. and they’re like?? aha ofcourse bud no problem. and he’s like (700 years of life experience and has watched several friends die) (probably just lost simon or finn and is raw but won’t admit it any other way to his wizard friends) no I mean it guys. I’m going to figure out a way, to continually extend your lifespans. since I’m immortal now. no it’s ok my mom has been into immortality experimentation and the extension of life and regeneration since like forever.
like where were you when our friend died a few years back when we were kids and can you bring him back
(oh yeah lemme check with my other mom, who can do necromancy. no, I said my OTHER mom, the one who can do it without the use of potions that frequently backfire)
#not art#I feel like when I talk about this au I lose a lot of my ability to give background I’m just like you guys know what’s up#you ppl who are here for gumball. or even advtime. you know enough about the intricacies of the advtime wizard city plot#to follow this au along. I know it.#well anyways.#honestly this works in that pepperminteppi au or in just regular. he just wakes up one day like nyyahg you guys cannot die on me#(like spader did)(like other guys in my life outside the city have done)#awww pep is your Sadness kicking in? dw we have a lot of resources for that hang on#<- take me to wizard city get me the sadness and madness resources they probably have everywhere#Unless. aw fuck I’m gonna go feral. unless it’s#—Guys I got so excited about madness and sadness (unrelated to this post even!) that I think I maxed out my tags it was crazy#you shoulda been there. anyways. I just talk so much#I saved them elsewhere you’ll see my thoughts someday but not here today#adventure time#distant lands#peppermint#I guess#just to organize it
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Just checked the date and we've been up for a full week! Congradulations to me! Woo.
#mod posts#This does mean heritage posts will slow down as i wanted to do one post a day through our first week#we should be heading to about. 1-2 posts a week now. maybe 3 if i feel like it#simply so i dont burn through every post that qualifies in my first month. that would be bad#'what days will you be heritaging things?' its a suprise! i want people to randomly get me in their notifications and go :O!#theres actually less older posts that qualify than you would think! makes me sad every time i see a post with 600-900 notes. you are so#close yet so far. :[#anyways that is enough rambling from me. have a great night everybody. glad to be here. and i am glad yall have decided to join me in#my quest to catalogue old notable posts :]
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