#but also. I began having thoughts

[abandonyourgawds]

me: I don't think I get this? I don't think I like this? I think this is weird?

me two days later: what if I wrote fanfiction for the first time in years

[plesiosaurys]

getting emotional over footage of an amateur scuba diver interacting with a coelacanth. they are hunted by large deepwater predators, and here comes a large creature bearing the brightest lights it's ever seen, making strange noises, but it does not shy away. it hovers, calmly, as the diver reaches out and trails a hand down its back. im strongly against the anthropomorphizing of real life animals but the stupid emotional part of me loudly insists this is because it recognizes us, the alternating movements of its four paired limbs matching the diver's four paired limbs, & it is thinking, "hello, cousins, we missed you these 66 million years, it's so good to see you again. welcome back, welcome home."

[blushouyo]

EGO DEATH

[laddertek]

etho said actually you _don't_ understand the intricacies of how tango is my boyfriend and bdubs is my ex

(and how tango and bdubs kiss too)

Scar: We went on that little adventure, you know! Etho: Yeah, yeah, we had our adventure, that's true, that's true. Scar: You disparaged your teammates. That's it, all right, no more spoilers. Etho: (laughs) Our team has -- our team has some weird dynamics this -- this season. Cleo: (overlapping) Really, Etho? Is there trouble in paradise? (pause) Who's third-wheeling with you, again? I can't remember. Etho: (laughs) Uhh. The -- Cleo: Genuinely can't remember. I know it's you and Bdubs. And...Tango? Tango. Tango. Etho: (loudly) Why -- Why is Tango the third wheel? Why -- why isn't Bdubs the third wheel? Cleo: Because it's you and Bdubs. I'm sorry. I understand how that relationship goes. Etho: (dissatisfied) Hmm.

[uncharted-constellations]

They’re disgustingly codependant, theyre travelers, theyre investigators, they’re playing footsie at 50,000 feet.

Also a full mockup of the arm because im proud of it

[mikkeneko]

This is just my own interpretation, and I very much do not say that other reads are wrong or that people shouldn't write romantic/sexual qijiu fic, which I've read plenty of and is great, but

I think it's also valid to read Yue Qingyuan and Shen Jiu's relationship as being neither romantic nor sexual

they are still 100% each other's most precious person but in an entirely platonic way. This read to me mostly comes from the fact that their bond -- which was so strong that the splintering of it kicked off a sequence of events that led to the downfall of their sect and arguably to the end of the world -- formed in their childhood on the streets, before either of them had gone through puberty. And, critically, although they met again when they became teenagers and then adults, their relationship never advanced in any kind of positive direction after that.

I don't think Shen Qingqiu was Yue Qingyuan's white moonlight, or the one he got away. I think he was the one he couldn't save, and the inability to save him hollowed Yue Qingyuan out. It was a wound that was inflicted early enough that it took up half his world, and only grew as he did. I think you don't have to be romantically or sexually interested in someone to love them enough to be willing to die for them.

I think you can get a valid read of the situation that Yue Qi and Shen Jiu's relationship was never romantic, let alone sexual.

[autisticaradiamegido]

day 192

a break from artfight for some good news! i have finally scheduled a surgical consult to have my enemy (read: uterus) removed. this is a bit of a scarier prospect than my breast reduction was, but i think it will be an equally impactful quality of life improvement when all is said and done!!

anyway those of yall who have been here since the beginning may remember me posting through that whole process so i figure why stop now.

[karleksmumskladdkaka]

DIABOLIK LOVERS DAYLIGHT Vol. 7 Mukami Ruki Animate Tokuten Drama CD: “Sleeping Together ★ With Vampire"

Audio

No, not that kind of sleeping together.

...And yet somehow not really the other kind either because despite it's title there is LITTLE TO NO SLEEPING TOGETHER GOING ON AT ALL except at the very end TᴖT TᴖT TᴖT My disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined.

Ok ok I'm obviously being overdramatic. Misleading name aside the CD is enjoyable and cute just...not at all in the way I was expecting (that being something akin to the Sleeping Vampire Scenario from Vandead Carnival but, alas, no). But oh well, I got to hear Ruki be all deredere towards the end so it's fine I guess lol

Ideally I'd create an actual translation to go along with this (I might do so sometime in the future, unless someone more competent does it first) but for now I've put a summary of the story under the cut. I ask that you please have mercy on me though, I am not used to writing this kind of stuff and it probably shows >﹏<;

Regardless, I hope you enjoy ( ﾉ^ω^)ﾉ ⋆⁺₊☽⁺₊⋆

UPDATE: The CD now has an actual translation courtesy of my fellow Ruki stan @otomehonyaku o(^o^)o please go check it out if you haven't already!

[Disclaimer: I always allow my stuff to be used for translation purposes, as long as I am credited. But please do not reupload the audio anywhere]

Summary ~*×*☆*+*~

[Please note that there may be mistakes or I might've misinterpreted parts of the CD. I apologize in advance (╥﹏╥)]

The CD starts with Ruki encountering Yui, who is carrying an unusually large package. Curious, Ruki asks her what she's doing, and learns that Kou has tasked her with delivering the package to him (Ruki). Ruki is somewhat perplexed as he doesn't recall requesting anything of the kind. Yui suggests that it might be a surprise gift, but Ruki is skeptical. He wants to ask Kou directly but is reminded that he is currently away on a location shoot. With a resigned sigh, Ruki decides that he has no choice but to open the package in Kou's absence. He asks Yui to hand the package to him, and then invites her to come along to his room to find out what's inside. She eagerly accepts, and they head off together.

In Ruki's room they take a seat (on what I assume to be the sofa) and open the package. Inside, there are various wooden pieces resembling parts of something, along with a letter from Kou. Ruki reads the letter aloud and it's revealed that the package contains a (*drumroll*)... puzzle! And not just any puzzle but a ✨️3D puzzle✨️. In the letter Kou encourages Ruki and Yui to assemble the parts together to discover what they will form. Since he's got spare time on his hands Ruki decides to have a go at it, with Yui joining in.

After a while of working on the puzzle, Ruki asks Yui how her part is coming along. She shows him, and he comments that she's doing better than he anticipated. He helps her out with some difficult pieces before instructing her to continue on her own. Yui asks Ruki if this is his first time putting together a 3D puzzle, and he replies that he's tried some before, but that this particular type is new to him. Yui is eager to learn what it is they are building, and Ruki, not wanting to dampen her anticipation, pretends he still can't quite figure out what the finished thing will be either (awww ♡). Ruki suggests that rather than moving their mouths they should focus on moving their hands as with their current pace the puzzle won't be finished. He reasons that the faster they move the sooner they'll have their curiosity satisfied. Yui agrees to work faster and Ruki promises to do the same.

They pick up the pace and eventually the puzzle is done. The assembled pieces have formed a small foreign castle, and Ruki reveals that he suspected as much from the start. He surmises that Kou must have remembered their expressed desire to visit such a castle after seeing one by chance on one of his TV shows. Ruki acknowledges Kou's attempt to make the two of them happy in his own way. He praises Yui for doing a great job despite not knowing what they were actually assembling, noting that the part she made fits perfectly into the castle.

However, there is no response from Yui, causing a puzzled (ahaha) Ruki to remark on her lack of reaction to something she had been so excited about. Turning his head to the side to look at her, Ruki discovers that she's fallen asleep with her head resting on his shoulder. He comments on the privilege of such a sleeping position but acknowledges that it's understandable she'd fall asleep since it's past their usual bedtime. She had seemed so engrossed in their work that he didn't notice her drifting off.

Ruki carries Yui to his bed and gently places her there, saying that she should have just told him that she was tired. He realizes that she likely made an effort to stay awake until the end, though she ultimately fell asleep. Deciding that it would be a good time for him to go to sleep as well, he tidies up and hides the little castle under the table, so that he'll be able to see Yui's reaction to it in the morning.

Returning to the bed, Ruki asks Yui to scoot over to make room for him, but she's sleeping too soundly to hear. He lies down next to her and (in true Mukami Ruki fashion) begins observing Yui's sleeping face. He notes how relaxed her expression is and wonders if it's because she's tired out from using her brain (lmao rude). Ruki then ponders what kind of face Yui will make when she wakes up—will she feel guilty for falling asleep before the puzzle was finished, or will she be surprised and embarrassed to find him laying next to her? Regardless of what her reaction will be, Ruki knows that it'll be enjoyable to witness. But he's certain she'll be happy once she sees the completed puzzle and admits to himself that he really wants to see that expression on her face. He's aware that it's out of character for him, and thinks that he might even have trouble falling asleep from the excitement (asdfsdjfj this is too fucking cute I can't)

Ruki decides that he should thank Kou for the useful gift by making him his favorite food for dinner tomorrow. The mention of dinner causes Yui to stir (what a relatable Queen), and Ruki teases her for being greedy. He assures the still-sleeping girl that she doesn't need to worry; he'll make her favorite dish as well as a reward for her hard work on the puzzle.

The CD ends with Ruki saying how he looks forward to seeing Yui's reaction the following day.

Fin ~*×*☽*+*~

- _(´ω`_)⌒)_

[cultivating-wildflowers]

single Christian ladies, let me be a warning. I didn't make a husband wishlist or pray for my future husband in high school, and look where it got me: alone, unloved, and perpetually single

[aliusfrater]

re nick's post + his tags + my tags. i feel like although the parentification was definitely on dean especially re taking care of sam but there's a level of... mental abuse in the dynamics of his arguments with sam as well as how he treated leaving sam alone while he and dean hunted regarding the fact that sam and dean are his sons/children until john's actions become abuse. and dean definitely adopted/emulated/acted on behalf of it; suddenly sam was the one responsible for tacking the family back together despite john kicking him out or to dean, sam and john's arguing was also suddenly sam's responsibility to stop or end or upkeep a level of respect within despite the parent-child dynamic. this also feeds over into sam's guilt and forgiveness and faith complexes and it's also how the dynamic of sam choosing the winchester familial dynamic over anything else works. basic john-sam enjoyer lore, sure, but what's particularly interesting to me is that it's kind of similar to the way the sam vs sammy dichotomy works. sam is john's son that's infantilised and needs to be protected Until someone raises their voice vs sammy is dean's little brother that's infantalised and needs to be protected Until sam encroaches upon him

[skrunksthatwunk]

idk if i've discussed it before (i have certainly THOUGHT about it) but someone on my kuwa suffering ep 89 comp mentioned it and i just had to go off about it like. ok. sensui tells yusuke something along the lines of "you heard itsuki" when itsuki's inside the uraotoko, implying that not only can sensui hear those inside the uraotoko, but that he expects yusuke to be able to as well. which means that yusuke Almost Certainly Heard And Kind Of Ignored kuwabara's prolonged mental breakdown and wailing about how much he needs yusuke to live etc. which. guHHH i hate him yusuke you ass but also listen.

the only acknowledgement yusuke gives to this (if any) is when he says something like "sensui you're sooo fucking cooked this plan's going perfectly (my friends are going to get strong and kill you when i die)." he's trash talking to sensui, ignoring the others because, i think, he doesn't want to acknowledge what he's doing to them.

yusuke is explicitly recreating the experience he had with kuwabara's "death" at the hands of toguro, complete with the announcement of intent (and power) to kill, the inability to impede the threat in any way (barring a power-breakthrough), and the target in some way racing towards/volunteering for their death. yusuke learns through doing, and through tough love-style approaches. it's only effective if it hurts. watching kuwabara die like that was devastating to yusuke, but it sure as hell fucking worked. he beat toguro because of that maneuver. so even if he has to (re-)traumatize his friends in the process, this method will make his friends stronger, and he feels confident in that. but he never had to live with the consequences of kuwabara's death, not really. that's something hiei makes clear before they enter the cave as well, that there are no fake-outs ready to make him or anyone else stronger. the only deaths here will be real. the only power gained will come at a high, permanent cost. hiei's warning is an attempt to keep everyone alive, to keep yusuke from being stupid. and then yusuke decides to take that fatality into his own hands, but it's kind of his friends who would pay the price. he's going to make them live through the days, months, years without him, the actual permanency of loss (assuming they survive for that long), something he never experienced with kuwabara (a new facet of that traumatic scenario), AND he's escaping the emotional fallout of this choice through death. he doesn't have to see them mourn, won't get yelled at, won't watch them fail to move on. he's tapping out and choosing to believe they'll be fine.

but i think he feels guilty. just a little. i mean, yusuke couldn't even believe that people cared about him enough to want him alive in episode one. he's staked everything on his friends, which means he still kind of... doesn't value his own life, at least not compared to theirs. but he believes his friends love him and want him around, and we know that because he has to, or else he wouldn't make a plan that depends entirely on that love. he is actively leveraging the care he doesn't think he deserves, trying to hurt them in a way he is intimately familiar with (only worse), for.... what, exactly?

this is kind of my sticking point tbh. i don't think the answer is... super clear, but let's start with what it's not.

yusuke is not doing this because it is the most practical way to save all of humanity; that would be the mafukan, which he stopped. it could be a gamble to save all of his friends? the mafukan strategy would guarantee koenma's death/eternal imprisonment, whereas this strategy gambles all of humanity on the chance that his friends come out of the Easy Break Oven strong enough to avert the end of the world. if the sacrifice of even one friend is completely intolerable, perhaps he'd accept those slim odds and their steep consequences. yusuke tends to take risks like that, especially when he's got fight-induced tunnel vision. he doesn't think things through too much; his schemes are usually dependent on surprising his enemy enough to oneshot them. truthfully, i think this is the closest we'll get to an answer, and it's a more conventional one for this kind of story. but there is another layer i haven't been able to get from my mind.

i think yusuke is gifting each of his friends an honorable warrior's death.

so, in case it needs saying, yusuke, kuwabara, kurama, and hiei all (at least once, if not several times) exhibit a desire to die in combat in a way they deem noble to give their lives purpose (usually by self-sacrifice, but sometimes by another metric of honor, like hiei's duel with shigure and his desire to die in mutual defeat against an evenly matched opponent; or even kurama's decision to fight shigure in his human form, displaying a sort of passive suicidality via placing being true to himself in this (somewhat symbolic/inconsequential) way over survival). they need to make their lives count for something, because they feel guilty for being alive (kurama and hiei feel guilty for their past actions (hiei's is most evident in his distance from yukina, though that's not its primary reason), hiei, kuwabara, and yusuke have all been ostracized and made to feel like burdens on/unwanted by their caregivers and general society; all four of them have felt profound isolation even from their loved ones (yusuke and hiei are rather obvious; kurama can never tell his mother about the majority of his life nor what she truly means to him in the context of it; and kuwabara is separated from his peers for his spiritual awareness and his "stupidity" (plus his parents aren't around? and he is Desperate to define manhood/manliness through a broader pop cultural one which includes the warrior sacrifice thing bc he has no male role models BUT that's for another post) (i will admit kuwa's the most tenuous one here irt isolation)). they want to die for a cause so badly it's actually physically painful to me. it is passive suicidality, and they define their lives and identities by their relation to, engagement with, and skill at doing violence, etc. they live to die by the sword. anyway. nobody talks about it but i think it's very important to understanding what yusuke's doing here.

because i think he knows that about himself and his friends. they're kindred spirits. at the very least he knows this about kuwabara, who literally made a speech about this before diving into toguro's fingers In The Event That He Is Recreating Explicitly. he is dying nobly like they all want to on the chance that they'll get to break out and fight sensui rather than dying without even getting to take a swing. it's about his pride and theirs. but i don't think yusuke necessarily believes they'll win. he knows better than anyone how strong sensui is, and how wide the gap is between sensui and team urameshi. his stated position that humanity is doomed and that he doesn't care about its fate is, i think, not completely genuine, but if we take it at face value, he's not killing himself so that his friends can survive the end of the world. something's going to come around and kill them eventually. he's doing it so they can survive long enough to fight sensui. he needs them (specifically kuwabara) to be strong enough to free themselves to begin round two. but he's given up on their side winning, on humanity surviving, on his own victory---why should he think his friends are capable of winning? this could be another case of yusuke's fight-blinders. it could be another gamble, more blind faith put in his friends. but honestly it reads more to me that yusuke's giving them a chance to die together on the battlefield. them winning would be great, but it's not his goal. it's a pipe dream.

he knows he's going to be killed. they're probably going to be killed, too. but to make it so they last a little longer against sensui, to make the odds a little more even, so they are killed not like livestock, but like worthy fighters, he'd die a little faster. it's the best kind of death someone like them can have; and he'll deprive himself of it just to make their ends a little sweeter. even if the road to that is far more bitter.

but it's not like yusuke's friends know what he's thinking or agree to it, and he can't exactly make his case for it in the moment. he's making that choice for them. whatever his intentions, whatever odds he thinks they have of beating sensui, he's kind of sealing all of their fates. so how the hell is he supposed to acknowledge kuwabara screaming at him not to die, trying desperately to express what yusuke means to him in what could be their final moments together? this plan is going to hurt his friends terribly. it is already doing so, and he can hear it. his choices to stop koenma from using the mafukan and to die for his friends' strength are both selfish in some way, no matter how you read the scene. if yusuke comforts kuwabara, he might not get strong enough. if he twists the knife, well... how could he forgive himself? and either way by responding he would have to face them all and say yes, i'm doing this regardless of your feelings (with the intention of hurting you). so i think he does what he often does. he avoids it. he lets that emotion glance off him and his bravado and his one-liners so he doesn't have to deal with the fact that he's hurting people, that he's scared and guilty and unsure of himself. that he's about to die again, about to put kuwabara through the grief he saw at his wake again, only worse; about to put his quieter friends through something similar.

yusuke is confronted with the responsibility one has to the people who care for them, and he runs from it in an attempt to give them some small peace. just like when he died before and thought hey, at least my mom and keiko won't be burdened by me anymore. because the only thing he can really do for them is die.

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s5 episode 5 thoughts

it’s been a few days. and you KNOW what i’m craving!!! 

ohhhh this episode… so i’ve heard about this one before. specifically it was brought up a lot when i voiced my complaints with small potatoes, with a lot of commenters comparing it to this episode. so that doesn’t fill me with a sense of joy and anticipation.

well, i had a nice day. the only way out is through. let’s see if this makes me as mad as small potatoes, shall we?

(author's note: i have many, many questions. i mean i can tell that this was an homage to old spooky movies but beyond that: huh?)

why now in the series? who came up with this? why do multiple episodes explore the concept of forced impregnation as something silly and harmless? why did the agents look so good in black and white? have they danced together before? do you believe in life after love?

let us take it from the top.

we begin with a comic book, it seems? inside is a black and white scene. is this whole episode in black and white? i looked at the image for the episode and it was black and white, too

this guy izzy is trying to go to a comic book convention, but his mom said she’ll kick him out. damn. being a nerd is hard. is this taking place in the distant past or something? well, the cars look older too.

(it was not taking place in the distant past... also, i thought izzy's mom, mrs. berkowitz, was mean at first because she joked about kicking him out, but she was actually the best character in this episode) 

later that night we see their home, including a photo of izzy with a pig, but she’s watching jerry springer. which seems anachronistic to the black and white setting. it’s an episode about a hairy baby. while the windows are being covered up with a sort of striped tent??? and something is smoking. 

enter cher???? no, enter someone else as cher plays. i do like when they put music in the episodes.

mom is coughing while a man with two faces comes to get her???

i mean, okay, the song slaps. i am unfamiliar with the work of cher and i was jamming out to it, even if i had no idea what was really going on except that maybe izzy made a frankenstein dupe in a comic, and it somehow came to life and hurt his mom. sure. why not?

the intro was shortened... you still can’t fool me.

the whole episode is in black and white????

OH GOD. this lady felt a presence in the room, woke up three days later and was pregnant??? with izzy??? 

so frankenstein is the father????? and it happened again??? and she heard cher when it went down??? man. man what.

scully is reading this letter… LMAO mulder was mentioned on the jerry springer show episode about the wolf baby, which is how she found him <- BAHAHA this cannot be good for his covert work!!!! 

her name is mrs. berkowitz and she is pouring our agents a soda as they enter her home. it is very kind to offer them caffeine as they rely so heavily upon it. and she wants to know about the wolf baby. it feels very weird to hear mulder do the medical talking.

WHAT THE HELL??? she is somehow pregnant again despite having a tubal ligation…. hey what. how is she not losing her mind? scully looks utterly gagged. 

the camera work here is so different, there are these intense closeups on the character with a sort of fisheye effect, it's both off-putting and cool

mrs. berkowitz says mulder knows what is happening, but he says he’s not even sure if he believes in aliens anymore??? he has to be lying. or does he actually believe that everything was faked as put forth by the redux trilogy? i thought he saw through that when he told CSM to go fuck off. also, i KNOW he is not dead.

sorry, but scully looks so good in black and white and a pinstriped suit. ohhhh my god.

anyway, scully says hmm, your description of the intruder is funny... because it MATCHES THIS COMIC BOOK CHARACTER FROM IZZY’S ROOM!!

izzy created that comic book character… so the plot is thickening??? 

enter izzy. we must confront him with this fact. he says that he’s seen “the great mutato” too, and that plenty of people have!! is he hanging in the neighborhood?? doing evil activities??? he's like, a real guy? and not some mysterious intruder???

cut to izzy outside with a peanut butter sandwich, luring in the beast

“i think what we’re seeing here is an example of a culture for whom daytime talk shows and tabloid headlines have become a reality against which they measure their lives- a culture so… so obsessed by the media and a chance for self-dramatization that they’ll do anything in order to gain a spotlight” (twirling my hair... kicking my feet a little... hey scully...)

“i am alarmed that you would reduce these people to a cultural stereotype” <- YEAH YOU TELL HER MULDER ‼️

they’re fighting about if this is possible or not and frankly i think they should just kiss about it 

(about the rumors, he says:) “but nonetheless unverifiable, and therefore true in the sense that they’re believed to be true” hey. when they talk all academic?? i'm swooning.

and they’re soooo close as they're fighting over all of this <3

“is there anything that you don’t believe in, mulder?” <- i was really looking forward to hearing him answer that, but no!! a distant moaning cut him off!!

scully….. oh my god…….. nothing to note here in terms of plot, she’s just pretty

the great mutato EMERGES for his sandwich!! and mulder is in trackstar mode absolutely SPRINTING, coat billowing behind him as thunder crackles and his long long legs carry him into the woods. and scully is fast too, but he is so much faster it’s actually funny. that man was made to run. absolute horse DNA

oooooo spoooooky, mulder is running after the great mutato into the woods with scully not too far behind, and they can’t find him!!

BAHAHA the old school movie effects are kinda endearing. mulder pointing “there!” and then a dramatic crash of thunder revealing a silhouette… yeah, i giggled 

i’m not well versed enough in old movies to understand all of these references, but i bet they had the horror girlies losing their minds 

but it’s just some guy walking a pig?? telling them to gtfo. well!

guy with pig sends them to his son???? who i later learned is named dr. pollidori. and who has a newspaper article about some experiment he did. this guy is looking like a stereotypical mad scientist. “my father is a simpleton farmer. he understands nothing of my scientific achievements” <- okay nerd, let’s not get in a science-off with dr. scully… also, let's not be mean to your dad!!

this mad scientist dr. pollidori says he is going to remembered for his incredible discovery of the “homeotic hox gene” and i hope he is taken down by scully. i hope she disproves every single thing he says. and then spits on him. fuck this guy for real.

i paused to write that down and she’s smiling at mulder behind this evil doctor’s shoulders :,)

mad scientist dr. pollidori tries to pull the whole “oh, let’s have scully explain my incredibly advanced research” card, further proving his evil tendencies, and she says it has something to do with growth. which is more than i could say.

he says he has to leave to go to an important international talk and she hits him with “sir, unless you want your scientific achievements to end up as a footnote on the jerry springer show, i suggest that you make the time” <- DAMN, GET HIM AGAIN FOR ME!!! i love when she puts people in their place.

i love this sort of "fishbowl/actors looking right into the camera" angle, because they look so cool standing like that. and i want to draw them like this, but i can’t draw. so i will just admire them instead. yeahhhh. they look cool as hell.

so it seems that what this mad scientist fellow dr. pollidori does is torture fruit flies and act mysterious? while thunder crashes about. kind of a sick gig aside, from the fly torture, but i could be mysterious and be way nicer. i could be a friendly mad scientist. i know a few of those, and they’re fascinating people!

so he fucked up some fruit flies and gave them legs in their mouths. that is rude as hell.

mulder asks “why would you do that?” (we were all thinking it) and mad scientist dr. pollidori says “because i can” with another crash of thunder. throw him to the dungeons at once!!! 

dr. pollidori says "it" (editing genes to put legs in mouths) could theoretically be done in humans. scully tries to assure mulder this really isn’t the case, and it’s not quite that easy, but mulder isn’t so sure

“given the power, who could resist to create life in his own image?”, mulder asks <- honey, you just need a cat. you’re not ready for a child yet. i know you want one so badly, but you sleep on the couch. it's just not the right time.

ohhh she got him with just that LMAOOOO “we already have that ability, mulder; it’s called procreation” <- i am very attuned to scully, as you can clearly tell by me anticipating that line

she says she’s going to really see if mrs. berkowitz is pregnant tomorrow... i did not know that this was a service scully could provide. but i guess i should have assumed.

dr. pollidori has a wife??? her name is elizabeth. she wants to talk to him about children?????? but he says “you know how i feel about children” okay well elizabeth seems too good for you anyway, so??

“what happened to our dream?” “i think that’s your dream” <- BABE LEAVE HIM!!! FUCK THE MAILMAN!!! YOU CAN DO IT!!!

everything is so incredibly 1950’s coded in this scene, down to her little apron

i’m picking up a sword for elizabeth, why are you being so mean to her, mad scientist dr. pollidori!!!!!!!!!!! NO, SHE’S CRYING!!!!!!!!! DIVORCE, BABES, DIVORCE!!

but something is at the window?? NO!! STAY AWAY FROM HER, GREAT MUTATO, SHE’S HAD ENOUGH!!

diner time with the agents. seems the whole town is there and they are smiling at them. in an unsettling manner. oh lord, why is MULDER so good looking in black and white too?? someone put me down like a rabid dog.

awww, scully finds a newspaper and it mentions their FBI stuff… who snitched on them!!! :(

mulder is presented with an IMMENSE amount of food (he only wanted coffee!) on behalf of JJ (that’s with two J's), and i still can’t figure out the vibe here, because on one hand we’ve got spooky silly mad scientist dr. pollidori, and on the other hand we have a rapist monster so. like?? hey???

some reporter character next to mulder is writing down everything he says and does. and this waitress gets right in his face to ask if jerry springer is coming to town. i’m uncomfy, you’re uncomfy, we’re all uncomfy.

so the newspaper article had everything they said last night word for word!!! who was sneaking around?? other than that person who was just sneaking over mulder’s shoulder, but we had not seen before??

izzy is being questioned for potential recording of their conversation and they’re sticking their heads in one at a time LMAOOOO. mrs. berkowitz has had ENOUGH of izzy's shenanigans!

he pulls out a tape recorder, and their whole conversation from the night before was on there!!! and then mulder rewinds, and they hear the cher song???? what!!! how is this connected??? and they hear a voice singing along!!! it’s the great mutato!!! he wasn't even there when that happened!!!

SO WHO WAS RECORDING EVERYTHING?????

the great mutato is dancing around in the doctor’s house!!!!!

LMAOOOOO mulder’s spouting frankenstein analysis in relation to this case (hey. call me btw) and scully hits him with the “mulder, i’m alarmed you would reduce this man to a literary stereotype” <- yeah the roasting should be mutual

he asks who else would go to such lengths to get mrs. berkowitz pregnant, and she’s looking around as if she has to gently break the news to him that "well, mulder, certain men love to hurt women", etc etc

scully is reading mrs. berkowitz’s file as they drive off, and everything DOES look true, both the tubal ligation and the pregnancy!!! when mulder starts driving the car backwards???

WE GET ANOTHER CHER SONG MOMENT as they run into a house that is covered with a tent!!! like we saw before at the very beginning with mrs. berkowitz!!! i think it’s dr. pollidori's house!!! and it’s filled with smoke!!! 

the girls (the agents) are breaking in!!! have we considered that scully should get out of here considering what happened last time we saw this exact scenario go down????? she’s coughing!!!!

mulder emerges from nearby, but nooooo!! they both collapse!!!!!! and the pig guy/dr. pollidori's father from before has a gas mask and says there ain’t no monster!!! HUH??

dr. pollidori comes back to his home a few days later, and poor mulder and scully and elizabeth are on the floor in a heap, looking terribly hung over from this gassing. they must have been out for like three days!!!

mulder says out loud that he thinks that he thinks dr. pollidori's wife elizabeth was impregnated, which is crazy to say btw, but elizabeth seems deeply excited at the fact. and then he tries to stand up and confront dr. pollidori, but he crashes into some stuff. and people are so right, mulder IS my baby girl. 

scully, meanwhile, is explaining that she thinks this is all some big hoax.

but mulder!!! he finds a frying pan!! and mrs. berkowitz also had her frying pans “violated”, in his words!!

his tie is all messy and he’s stumbling around. we are given a brief insight into what drunk mulder must appear like. but a principled man, he has generally sworn off alcohol, so this is all we can use to imagine how such a sight would appear.

when they pull out an empty jar of peanut butter like izzy used to summon the great mutato, he proclaims that he found his smoking gun. lmao

IT’S THE DOCTOR'S DAD?????? THE ONE WHO WAS WALKING THE PIG EARLIER??? HE’S BRINGING THE MUTATO SANDWICHES AND CALLS HIM "SON"??? please put your son on a leash sir, because he is clearly committing crimes

ohhh confrontation time between dr. pollidori and his father…. OHHHH choking is going on. the dad said he did "it" because he can….. terrible reasoning to make a guy, btw

mulder is back in the diner, and now everyone is avoiding his gaze, throwing things at him, trying to trip him!!! JJ spits on his plate!!! he still looks good as hell though. 

THEY POUR THE COFFEE RIGHT IN HIS LAP???? RUDE AF????

now the newspaper is publishing that the agents think the monster is a hoax, which i guess explains his treatment. so do the townspeople LIKE the monster, then??? and so denying him is to deny what makes them unique? but hold onto that thought, because now everyone is running outside!!!!

THE POLICE HAVE IZZY???? he has a mask on!!! the cop says they've caught their monster. a cosplay mask doesn’t make him a monster, you utter fools. mrs. berkowitz is a good mom though; she says she WILL throw hands with the whole town for judging her boy, and i respect that 

oh, scully with the big reveal: the stuff on the frying pan they found at the doctor's house is used to knock out farm animals???? and farmers have to be on a register to use it!! which leads them to dr. pollidori's father aka the guy who walked his pig!!!!

the great mutato finds his father dead in the kitchen and mourns him, bringing him into the barn where he sobs and digs him a grave. it is sad. but. he still did those terrible things to mrs. berkowitz and elizabeth, so i'm not sure how bad i'm supposed to feel.

so the agents arrive, while it seems he is hiding up in the rafters. they find a puck of that weird gas that knocks you out, and mulder says he thinks they’re too late as they find the freshly dug grave

OHHH they hear a creaking and he WHIPS out his gun, but does this thing where he backs up so he is RIGHT in front of scully… wait, i need to watch that again. yeah, it was good. 

it’s the journalist person??? from before at the diner?? here to get a good scoop on the murder!!!!

but now the angry townspeople are arriving!!! lead by dr. pollidori! it’s very much giving gaston in beauty in the beast with the flaming torches. well. they’re going after him. while our agents are in the rain. probably still enduring a crazy chemical hangover. 

NOOOO!!!! scully turns around and sees the mutato!!! wow, she actually saw the creature for once lmao. that never seemed to happen in the early seasons

so they go in the cellar after the mutato and find a shrine to CHER NOW HOLD ON. HOLD ON. i have to pause and laugh. WHAT THE HELL. LMAOOOO

at least he has taste, i guess??

they find him in the corner and tell him to come out. scully seems deeply compassionate.

meanwhile, the barn is fully on fire as the journalist tries to write everything down. who will think of the sheep and pigs??? and even the chickens???

they emerge from the cellar but nooo, the journalist sees them!!! and the townspeople are invading!!!

the doctor says to let him go or they’ll burn him out. and he reveals to the crowd it was his FATHER who created him!!

mulder holds up a finger to wordlessly say “WATCH IT, WISE GUY” while the mutato is trying to say something. oh he can fully talk. “i have never acted to harm another soul” <- BUDDY. BUDDY WHAT DID YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING TO THOSE WOMEN????????

he’s monologing now, explaining he was the product of the doctor’s experiments. but his father rescued and loved him. and he tried to learn the science to make him a friend. also a horse is listening to all of this btw.

dr. pollidori's calls mutato a mistake which is rude as hell. 

however, if i’m supposed to feel bad for this guy for saying sorry after being caught raping women, i’m not gonna 💀 it sucks that he was abandoned and unloved, but we still need to have ethics in our conduct

scully looks deeply upset though.

he says he learned so much about humanity, and about love; “cher loved that boy so much” <- well. yeah. i laughed.

izzy declares that the great mutato is no monster!!!! i guess that he is his father, so he might be a bit biased there.

mulder is troubled by the fact that unlike in the original book of frankenstein, this monster did not escape to look for a bride! he wants to speak to the writers

“there’s not gonna be any bride, mulder. not in this story” “well then where’s the writer? i want to speak to the writer” <- LMAOOO why did this feel like a dig at the MSR shippers, i'm HOWLING

we end with more cher as cars drive down the road. AND THE AGENTS HAVE THE GREAT MUTATO IN THEIR CAR??? he’s just chilling in the back.

AND THEY TAKE HIM TO A CHER CONCERT??? OR IMPERSONATOR??? OR SOMETHING!?? AND HE’S LOSING HIS MIND?? WHILE IZZY AND THE AGENTS WATCH???

AND THEN WE SEE THE GREAT MUTATO BABIES ON JERRY SPRINGER and when he asks if the babies are hard to love due to their two faces (rude??) mrs. berkowitz says “what’s not to love?” <- okay queen!!!! she may have gone through a lot, but damn she loves her babies!!!

and then… mulder takes scully, and they dance??? they dance??? i knew there was a dance scene actually because i had seen in mentioned before, but i am seeing this??? with my eyes???? oh my god???

they love each other man... and maybe that’s romantic or maybe they’re best friends and maybe it's both or some secret third thing, but that is LOVE!!!!! LOOK AT THEM!!!!!

and then izzy turns it into a comic book??

WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST WATCH LMAOOOOO

guys please be kind to me if you understood this because i did not. i’m half laughing and half soooo confused

????? man, hold on

again, i see the similarities to small potatoes as has been mentioned before. and we’re supposed to just feel bad for the great mutato and wave off the rape. which doesn’t fly for me. and also why have there been two episodes with this theme now. what was chris carter smoking? and can we get him a different strain? 

tbh, i really haven’t listened to cher before but if nothing else this episode put me onto her?? i guess??

i don’t have that same visceral sick feeling that i had from small potatoes, which i take is because we did not see scully as the victim of the violence this time around, but still. not great. 

it felt like a huge inside joke i’m not in on. so i’m confused. and i appreciate that this is referencing old movie tropes, but that doesn’t mean i understand them any better, you know?

but they danced :( they danced :(

i waited two days before writing this up to try and let some time pass and hopefully make my perceptions a bit clearer, but i don't think it worked as well as i had hoped. this has to be a record for most question marks per episode writeup. so i am going to NEED to know what the wider community thinks of this episode. and also what you, the person reading, thinks of this episode. is this a cult classic? am i simply too young to understand the references? or is there truly nothing to get and the episode is just Like That for some reason?

i was, all in the span of 40-ish minutes, amused, disgusted, enamored, and baffled. with different percentages of each.

conclusion: mrs. berkowitz is real as hell, mulder and scully look AMAZING in black and white, and i do not forgive the great mutato. also they danced, btw. not sure if you caught that.

however, if i may venture a guess: this episode and the last were more silly than usual, and i appreciate that. but, i actually do sort of know what happens in the next two, in a "describe it in one sentence" kind of way, because before i decided to watch this show i googled it to see what it was about... and i came across this plot point. and maybe they decided to do something a bit more light-hearted before coming in with the emotional devastation. although, that did not stop them last season, so who knows?

i am excited to watch the next two.

[happyk44]

"I'm not leaving you behind! It is my duty," he hissed. "I swore myself-"

"Your swore yourself because you had no choice, Percy." Her eyes were endless dark, devoid of feeling, of life. "You had a price to pay for your mother's life and this was your only offer." Her thin fingers cup his face through the bars. "You didn't choose to be my protector." She gave a weak laugh that made his stomach plummet to the floor. "You're not even my guard yet, not really."

Like a phantom, her touch slid down his cheek. He caught her wrist before her fingertip stopped gracing his skin. He could feel the rounded edge of her fingernail poke against him. Silence held fraught between them.

"Bianca-"

"Percy," she cut in, voice so sharp it cut him to the core. "I want you to survive. You're free. Take advantage of that, and go. Now."

"I can't go back without you," he said, quickly. She didn't fight his hold, but still his grip tightened. As though the harder he held her, the more she would stop protesting her escape. "You are-"

"Dead." Her lips thinned. "I'm dead, Percy. I was dead the moment they got their hands on me and I will be dead before either one of us even makes it beyond these walls, but you-" Her voice cracked, eyes watering.

He shook his head. Blood pounded in his ears. He didn't want to hear what she was going to say, wanted her to stop, wanted it all to stop. Just for a moment.

But it didn't, and neither did she. With a deep breath, she carried on, "You can make it. You can live. But only if you leave without me, so go."

His lungs burned. She inhaled so deeply, spoke so forcefully, and it made him hold the air in his chest until he couldn't take it anymore. If he didn't breathe, maybe she would. But his chest ached. Self-loathing wedged itself like a rock in his throat as he let go. The sound of his own breath was like nail on chalkboard.

"Percy," she whispered. He shook his head and leaned in closer. Although tears hadn't yet fallen, her eyes were still wet. They glistened like the night sky. Her forehead pressed against the bars.

He looked away. The brick wall to his left was growing a fair bit of moss in the corner. "What's our star again?"

She laughed. It was a watery thing that choked him where he stood. Memories of standing the long grass, moonlight shining off the river, while she read her books beside him. Every so often, she'd look up at the night sky and search for the brightest star that month. She'd tell the stories behind the constellations. Or at least the stories from her kingdom. Any time she told a story, a fantastical myth, she'd follow up that her brother knew more - Nico, the quiet prince with a voracious appetite for legends and monsters.

Then, if she could spot the brightest star that month and if she recalled, she'd tell him what it meant for the people born that month. At least, in their hemisphere anyway. The stars were different elsewhere. Sometimes she'd crack open the newspaper, the stark image of her father, and read aloud the horoscopes.

He still remembered the incredulous sound she made when he told her they shared the same birthday. She'd dragged him to the library to refresh her memory on their star. Then argued furiously that he did not share the same traits as her.

It was a silly thing. She didn't believe it. He didn't either. But it was the first time they hadn't played the stiff act of royal princess and her knight-in-training. Not Percy holding his tongue and following strictly one step behind. Not Bianca doing her best to pretend he wasn't her shadow.

Awkward civility and stiffness carried thick between them from the moment Percy had been casted into his role. But that night, with the sound of yelling and laughter still echoing in their ears, they made an agreement. They didn't have to be the best of friends, but they sure could be casual with each other. After all, they were going to be stuck with each other for the rest of their lives.

At least... they were supposed to be.

Slowly each finger detached one by one until all that was left was his palm pressed against her wrist. Then that fell away too. Still he couldn't bare to turn his head and face her.

"Leo," she said. "The lion. Strength, pride, loyalty, confidence."

A stabbed orange toy on new year's day passed through his mind. "Sacrifice."

It was quiet for a beat. Then, "Yes." His heart hammered so fast he could feel it in his throat. "The lion represents sacrifice."

What was he supposed to say? He wanted to run, to turn the lock with the key he stole, take her and run. Run far and fast. But deep inside, he knew she was right. He could get by undetected. No one cared about a child knight, not even yet passed his training. He could blend in and slip out. Even if he got caught, they wouldn't nearly put in as much effort to get him back as they would if she were with him.

She was right.

She was already dead.

He swallowed thickly and met her eyes again. The night sky glistened back at him and he thought of constellations and warm handshakes and kind agreements and silly arguments. Breath caught in his throat. "I'll miss you," he whispered, voice hoarse.

Her lips twitched. "I'll miss you too." She blinked, and one tear slid down her cheek. He tracked the wet trace it left behind until it welled up at the bottom of her chin and dripped to the floor. "Will you do me a favour?"

"You're my princess," he said. "I would do anything for you."

It was a weak smile she gave before she spoke. The sight of it crushed him. "Tell my family I love them." Her breath escaped from her shakily. She pushed back her hair. A classic move to hide the nerves that drove her hands to tremble ever so slightly. "And take care of Nico. Please."

"I will," he promised.

Her smile strengthened ever so slightly. But the tears fell fast now, one right after the other. Her face tilted away at the first streak. He immediately turned his line of sight back to the brick wall. Weakness, sadness, grief - she hated being seen with any of them. He always respected it. Look away until she was done. Don't speak, don't ask her anything, don't help her. Just look away and stay silent unless she calls out.

So, even as his mind's eye was trapped in the wet track of tears on her skin, the hitched sound of her breath holding in a cry, he turned and headed back for the dungeon's door. The doorknob twisted in his hand. The door cracked open.

"Percy."

He held stiff. "Yes?"

"Don't forget the bracelet."

Heat burned at the back of his head. In his pocket, the bracelet felt heavier than the weight of the world. When he had first arrived, she gave it to him. When he refused to take it, insistent that she could deliver it to Nico herself, she shoved it into his pocket herself. Like a ghostly stain, his thigh still tingled with the forceful and firm press of her hand. He was sure it always would.

"I won't."

"Stay safe," she said, a princess in a dungeon ready and waiting to die.

His heart shattered. Still, he kept his head held high. "I will."

Then, without another word, he left the girl he had spent the last three years training to protect. He was meant to die for her. It was the role he had accepted the night he and his friends had stormed the castle and pleaded for help with his dying mother. He didn't argue. He didn't plead. Without hesitation, he swore his life away for hers. Without hesitation, he swore his last breath would be hers.

Yet she was the one embracing the eternal coldness to come. She was the one breathing weakly so he could breathe strong. She was trading away her life for his. She was the lion, giving a mighty roar before the dawn of a new year. She was the sacrifice, held down by chains with a glistening sharp blade raised above her head.

But he wasn't the one lowering it upon her neck. No, he was the cold breath of winter. The first drop of snow. The wilting grass. He was the barren wasteland that drove her out into the open. He was the starving masses desperate to live. He didn't have to drop the blade. He didn't have to use his own hands to spill her blood across the ground. His survival was her end. And that made him her killer anyway.

[wonder-worker]

"Some modern historians, apparently fascinated by the fact that Matilda was eleven years older than her second husband, Geoffrey of Anjou, have been quick to assert that the marriage was unhappy. The historical basis for this assertion rests upon the word of the Durham chronicler, who stated that when Matilda returned to Henry I’s court in 1129 it was because Geoffrey had repudiated her. [Historians have thus assumed that their mutual incompatibility led to hostility and an eventual separation]. However, it must be noted that the northern chronicler was hardly in a position to have first-hand information about events across the Channel, and that he had the chronology of the affair completely wrong. The author placed Matilda’s marriage in 1129, and wrote that only a few days after King Henry returned to England on 13 July of that year, he was told that his daughter had been repudiated by her husband and had returned to Rouen with only a few attendants. The marriage actually took place in 1128, and Matilda was in Anjou with her husband in 1129 when the la Haye brothers brought a charter in favor of the abbey of Fontevraud to her for her confirmation. The other contemporary accounts of Matilda’s separation from her husband did not record her departure or suggest reasons for it, but only noted her return to Anjou in 1131.

It is possible that Matilda’s return to her father’s court in 1129 was not a marital separation at all, but rather a political mission. Perhaps Matilda and Geoffrey grew uneasy in their isolation and began to doubt the commitment of the Anglo-Norman barons to their cause. Leaving her husband behind to manage affairs in Anjou, Matilda may have travelled to Normandy seeking clarification of her position. A few scraps of evidence point in this direction. A letter that Hildebert of Lavardin wrote to Henry I in 1131 expressed pleasure that the king was now reconciled with the count of Anjou, who ‘had now fallen in with his wishes in everything concerning him and his daughter’. Henry of Huntingdon and Robert of Torigny stated that a ‘great council’ held at Northampton on 8 September 1131 decided that Matilda should be returned to her husband. The wording implies a decision made by the great men of the realm for political reasons, not a family’s success in persuading a tearful daughter to return to a husband whom she disliked. Furthermore, William of Malmesbury wrote that ‘no small gathering of the nobility being held at Northampton, the oath of fidelity to her was renewed by those who had already sworn and also taken by those who had not done so previously’. The renewal of the oath also suggests that Matilda’s mission may have been occasioned by concern over the succession rather than by the marital discord that historians have often taken for granted."

-Jean A. Truax, "Winning over the Londoners: King Stephen, the Empress Matilda and the Politics of Personality", The Haskins Society Journal 8 (1996)

[averlym]

[poetryqueer]

planning document must be going well I just said the words “explaining the endurance of Platonism could be the life I’m living” to myself. Alone. At 2:30am. Because yeah. Could be.