#but also something being stereotypical isnt inherently bad

[hellishqueer]

"why are you headcanoning this character as this trans? just because they fit these stereotypes???"

because i'm trans and i fit some of those "stereotypes"

next

[ganondoodle]

something thats been driving me crazy is the constant worry that i am somehow using harmful stereotypes for the characters i write

like i am unfortunately white tm and me also being autistic and queer does not erase that obviously, im always trying to educate myself as best as i can, yet i feel like im always doing something wrong

its less of a problem when im working with the normal forms of hylia and demise since they are not really human, and though their humanoid disguises technically are still not human they do represent what they might have looked like if they grew up as one; i didnt want to make demises form too dark since i felt like it would perpetuate that stereotype of dark skin = evil which is already not great about ganondorfs character design, but didnt want to make him too light since i felt it would erase that part of his connection to ganondorf altogether and make it all the worse, but then again my demise isnt actually that evil, hes good at heart, so making him too light then would be even worse bc it would imply that light = good thing again

for hylia im even more anxious about it bc i intentionally gave her very dark skin to kinda subvert that light = good thing with zelda (tho in my AU the gods are not good and hylia isnt actually as loyal to them as it may seem bc she knows that.. which i feel complicates things just further; and also light an dark is just a very good contrast aesthetically?) but then i also like to intentionally make characters rather ?gender? but then i worry her being somewhat masculine would also be sth harmful bc i know black women are often treated as inherently less feminine .. which isnt my intention at all (tho my hylia .. doesnt rly have a gender? idk many characters i like to write/design dont have anything specific, like what more do you need than knwoing the right pronouns to call them?? qnq) her being rather cold and ruthless also feels like im doing something bad somehow

then theres the whole sexualization worry, i dont know if im doing that in a bad way bc honestly i just like .. drawing ...bodies? aesthetically? like yes they are very sexy but also wheres the line, am i somehow overstepping it without knowing?? how can i recognize what is normal 'finding certain things pretty or sexy' and what isnt??

so far i dont remeber anyone pointing anythign out as bad which im taking as a sign that i cant be doing that badly .. hopefully, maybe all this is a very stupid thing to worry about and its obvious to everyone else but i am so god damn afraid of doing something even slightly questionable and being hunted down for it (probably bc similar happened to me when i was a teen and it was about an absolut non issue, literally, so even the thought of doing something actually bad is mind boggling to me bc that other thing nearly cost me my life and i literally dont know how i survived and i would 100% not if it happened again..)

this is probably a very chronically online thing too but hoenstly i needed to get it out of my head for once

[snaxle]

thank you for saying the truth about man hating ideology.

hating men isn't woke, and the only ones who'll care about it are the trans men you're going to hurt, idiots.

something also i think a lot of people seem to forget is that terf man hating rhetoric effects more than just men as well, and pretty much anyone can be negatively affected by it. which is why i think it's so dangerous when people confidently go around talking about how they think all men are gross and yucky while also supporting and/or being trans themselves. it's a bad mindset that unfortunately a lot of people fall into.

like im bigender, trans and a woman. pretty much all my life ive been negatively told by people that there's something wrong with me for dressing masculine, etc. one time i shaved all my hair off in support of a cancer charity and was bullied for looking too much like a boy, and that negatively affected my mindset for years and to this day im scared of having my hair shorter than my shoulders. i am not a man, nor do i consider myself a man but because other people perceived me as one they treated me like shit and it hurt a lot to know i was being treated differently than my peers solely for the reason that "ew boys/masculinity gross". (also. i dont even dress that "masculine". i literally just wear jeans and graphic t shirts and i guess that's Manly for people). there's other "ew gross you're a man😬" things ive encountered personally despite the fact that I Am Not A Man, which i won't get into because then i'll probably have to then talk about racism and how some white people perceive anyone who isnt white as inherently masculine, especially if they don't adhere to stereotypical feminine behaviour and appearances, but i can't be bothered to get into that right now.

this was not a good answer lmao sorry i had to get stuff off my chest

[ludinusdaleth]

Heya! Discovered-that-I-get-really-turned-on-by-fat-body-love-because-of-this anon. Don’t feel bad about that nickel at all, this is honestly really lovely

I’m also trans and now 2 months on T and I can literally already feel my body monologue going from “feeling icky about weight gain” to “but actually that would be kinda sexy though���. I’m not fat, but…would that be so bad?

As a small thanks may I offer…

If she hadn’t been there for apocalypse level events, I think the Everlight would have really enjoyed growing fat. Really enjoyed the aspect of mortality that is being embodied, but more than that, would have really enjoyed sharing in food, this central love language, with her mortal loved ones. She is the paragon of hugs, let her have some weight on her.

(Sidenote: chubby pike is canon, as is Scanlan gaining weight, and I love that for them 💜 . But. Genuinely fat Pike has my heart. Like femme muscle chub not-so-little monstah? Hell yeah)

Likewise, in the opposite direction, fat Asmodeus? Asmodeus who wants to take up all the space, who revels in being something some people are disgusted by and indulging instead.

Hell, the arch heart growing fat and seeing their body as an art form. Beauty doesn’t have to be thin; beauty can be round arms and artfully posing your fat rolls and having more room for tattoos.

The wild mother being fat in times of bounty and comfort, and preferring it to being bony or lithe, because she feels safer this way, gentler this way, more physically comfortable with some padding.

Fat Gods 💜

aah! love these

ive always felt every character of ashleys radiated chubby energy. the everlight is no exception. probably due to my own journey, but i cant untangle redemption & positive change from gaining weight. it's inherent comfort. it seems pike saw that too.

i am always invested in fat devils, because debauchery is literally part of their territory. i headcanon teven as a massive musclebear, so why not asmodeus? he no doubt shifts his body constantly - if everyone sees him differently, may as well make a show of it. he grins when he notices someone blush at this form, knowing their interests immediately.

i live and breathe the fat elf agenda, so i love an elf god being big. i really love cr has broken elven stereotypes constantly - corellon as THE elf progenitor played by a black man, many of the elves/fae having facial hair, and we even know a few who are fat! what makes an elf isnt some proximity to whiteness/thinness but rather how stunning they look, how strikingly beautiful that a human needs a moment to process it.

i dont know if you know anon, as your phrasing implies it's headcanon, but your idea for melora is exactly canon! her presentation as asha was pale & sickly like the burned world, but we know now in this age of exandria, at least pre-calamity 2, she has the round & fertile figure of a true wildmother. the land has grown bountiful & lush and so she has too. heres art of her right now!

im honored you find this foray into fat headcanons lovely. and im glad you're becoming comfortable with the idea of it. when i first looked for trans resources a decade ago i was bombarded with nothing but tips for "keeping weight off" and being a gym bro, and seeing others also see they could get bearish and accept it in this day and age is heavenly. not everyone has to engage with it but just being able to deconstruct the fatphobia so present within our spaces is worthy in itself.

[damnfandomproblems]

https://www.tumblr.com/damnfandomproblems/730443258208124929/from-responses-to-4292-it-is-for-everyone-that?source=share technically no unless they identify with any label that isnt just cis/het people on the ace spectrum are apart of the lgbt community. that description of the stereotypical straight relation ship of people who dont agree with lgbt community was just to remind people of the kind of people that have actually caused harm to the lgbt community in the past. if people want that lifestyle that's okay ofc do what you want its your life but historically these are the majority and its these people that have tried to demonize being gay or in anyway different speaking of im going to take this chance to say this to that one person who got offended by me calling lgbt people "deviant" "weird" or "queer" (i can no longer see exactly what you said bcuz i blocked you) its because we are. and me saying that isn't me saying its a bad thing. but there are those that believe that. to a cis/het person who doesn't agree with lgbt, ace people are still considered to be "weird", "deviant", and "queer". Anyway no the people you described are not inherently apart of the lgbt community. this argument is about the fact that some people think if you are not in some way in a homosexual relationship that you aren't actually apart of the lgbt community. like saying "bi or pan people aren't gay enough if they have a opposite sex partner, unless of of them is trans" However the ace spectrum deals more with HOW you are attracted to someone. you can experience no sexual attraction at all (some ace people still have sex for their partners or just because they can but feeling disgust towards sex is also common) aromantic people are much the same but with romance instead then there's Demi which are people who tend to only feel sexual or romantic or both attraction if they have a strong emotional attachment to someone. and there are more but those are the most common three gay people can feel this too. nonbinary couples also so why would there be an exception for straight people???? there's a lot more to the lgbt community than just gays and trans being straight or cis doesn't automatically disqualify you from being queer however however we still shouldn't shit on ALLIES or the concept of being straight or cis in general that description i gave was, again, just a reminder of who actually has caused problems for lgbt from the beginning. in America those are the kinds of people who've harmed us as have worked to make us seem less than human. the people who have tried to put themselves on a pedestal of perfection and normalcy and that being anything but is unnatural and a sin. that's why i say the lgbt community is for everyone but that. 1/2

 2/2 and allies are welcome here. it may not be the right community they need like say a pro kink community for those interested in evolving their sex life but the less we try and push these people away the better because in a way as long as they support us too and are working to tear down that "pedestal of perfection" conservatives have built then in a way they are and always been apart of the community. a community of people who have all felt the effects of being considered "not normal", "sinful", "disgusting". and much worse this is also why kink is at pride parades. they are people who have been considered much of what lgbt people have. and have always helped to fight for our rights. personally i cant wait for a day that lgbt includes cis/ het even without other labels or identities. because they are still both a sexuality and a gender identification. and as lgbt becomes more popular and widely accepted we are seeing more and more a sort of discrimination against cis/het people from members of the lgbt community. very largely seen with bi or pan people. and this heterophobia is not healthy and is often instigated by people who want to remain "different" and want something to bully and make themselves seen better, which is becoming easier to do since your more likely to get backlash for being straight and hating on gays for being gay. so in short, being apart of the lgbt community is more about connecting with people who've had similar experiences as you for your identity being """not normal""" while also fighting for ALL identities to be considered normal. and this includes cis/het people with "micro identifications" like the ace spectrum. (and personally i hope for the eventual dissolvement of the lgbt community entirely and we can all just exist) i am notorious for being bad at explanations so i can only hope this clears things up

This is a response to this ask.

[dateamonster]

what’s your opinion on monstrous transformations (both fast and slow), and also more controversially what do you think about having monsters/nonhuman characters serve as minority allegory (as opposed to society’s hate for them being being an allegory)

ohhh hold on this is a rly good question i think abt a Lot actually.

ok getting the first bit out of the way, love a good monstrous transformation. fast, slow, its all good. i personally like gradual slow shifts the most but its a situational thing. transformation is one of those things that like just always has to be symbolic. even more than the degree to which Everything is symbolic ya know. so like context rly matters when it comes to how to invoke it most effectively.

MOVING ON

i think from the phrasing of the ask ur looking for something more along the lines of like. for example shapeshifters as representation of nonbinary people or aliens as representation of different cultures rather than like monsters vs humans as allegory for racism. but im also not sure you can meaningfully separate the two! the latter i think is more overused so it like registers more as an immediate red flag, but its like. if the aliens from avatar werent being violently invaded by humans it wouldnt make like their reskinned stereotypical indigeneity anymore tolerable i dont think.

which isnt to say i think every story that draws connections between fantastical fictional species and real world people are inherently bad. i dont really think theres any trope that i believe cant be handled well by anyone under any circumstance. the super easy fix to bad rep via monster or fantasy creature characters is basically just have actual humans who also represent those same identities and communities and experiences so that the audience isnt drawn to connect the traits of any one group with your fictional species.

the harder fix is to like seriously analyze why you want this character to be a monster and what that says about them and what that says about you and your own experiences and biases and what you actually want to communicate with the inclusion of this character. and when applicable hire a sensitivity reader. its kinda crazy how many pieces of media seem to prefer half-assing the hard way over just doing the easy thing and not assigning the status of token minority to a literal monster.

of course once again all of this is ya know circumstantial. im speaking to like my own experiences and the things ive observed. and its weird too! bc im also speaking as someone who like is trans and nonbinary and thinks of myself and my gender expression as inherently intertwined with monstrosity. and as someone who is autistic and thinks of myself as a changeling. and as someone who is a fat person who represents themself with a pig themed sona. if i talk abt cringeass hollywood blockbusters engaging in High Fantasy Racism i feel like to be fair i kinda have to talk about independent own-voices creators who write stories and make art about their own identities in the lovely language of monstrosity. theres not rly a way to draw a hard line around the former without the risk of catching some of the latter.

so umm as usual i dont rly have a snappy all encompassing answer for how i feel abt this kind of characterization. im simply too much of a Nuance Enjoyer. i do i guess think this is something that generally turns out better when it is someone making art about their own experiences, but also unless i believe minority artists are a monolith, which i dont, i need to accept that artists will inevitably make stuff that is beautiful and resonant to some people and totally repugnant and offensive to others, and that both of those responses can be like totally justified and correct. thats art babey!

anyway slight digression but i think any case where a character feels more like an allegory than a fully fleshed u know Character is gonna flop for me no matter how relatable it is. tbqh, id rather more ppl try and fail to make beautiful grotesque frightening sensually moving monsters out of their lived experiences and their empathetic connections with others than succeed at creating bland toothless universally approachable Good Rep tm. if u know u know. if u feel me u feel me. that is all.

[thefirstknife]

something id like to say im angry with is many ppl calling Clovis a sociopath or similar. idk if Bungie has done this themselves but I'm always anxious when anyone startes bagging on Clovis bc . worried theyll throw that line down both irl and in game

Its a horrible stereotype that sociopaths are all inherently evil and don't care about hurting people and dehumanize others which and in turn causes us to be dehumanized

Especially when you take into account that ppl who suffer from sociopathy are often harmed more by non ones then the other way around.

Many metal illness & traumatic experiences casue our lack of empathy but that doesn't make us bad.

It hurts seeing us once again compared to fictional characters that commit atrocities snd make ppl treat me the same.

(this isnt me accusing you its more a idk who else to say this too w/o risk of harassment)

That's a good point to make and a good psa for people in the fandom.

In-game, he was only referred to as a sociopath once, by a psychologist (Hector Abram) that Clovis lied to and whom he eventually captured and turned into an Exo to make him forget about the atrocities he'd witnessed, so I can understand Hector being upset. And it's also not presented to mean that Clovis is like this because of that.

Hector also noted:

He is compromised and is being manipulated.

Which wouldn't be too far off given that Clovis was irrevocably changed ever since he first interacted with Darkness through the anomaly on the Moon.

So when people want to dunk on Clovis, it would be best to stay away from harmful stereotypes about low empathy and mental illness in general. Clovis is not like this because of mental illness! He is like this because he is a self-centered capitalist.

In short, he's an asshole. Nothing to do with his mental wellbeing. Calling him names that are derogatory to people struggling with mental health just ends up being shitty to people who struggle with mental health. No need to conflate mental problems with assholes that commit horrific atrocities.

[trenchgardens-ooc-ooc-ooc-ooc]

transrace is just being racist though. Like if youre a white person and say youre black, you can't be black. You can just be the stereotype you think of black people as. You face none of the real issues or experiences, real black people cant just stop being black when they choose.

Like i said before, if i talked about it more id be comparing hypothetical people to hypothetical people.

my gut instinct says that race is just about as much of a social construct as gender is, all based around something concrete like shared phenotypes and lineages, but still amorphous.

the concept hits an ick switch because of it being so tied to sensitive subjects, and i dont have the mental energy to figure out where i stand on it right now, but i really don't like. on a base level see how its much more different than when people tell me that im not a woman because i could just quit being a woman or whatever. I can't ignore that the concept of transitioning from one race to another is icky to my sensibilities, i also cant ignore that those sensibilities are constructs of social situations and culture, and thus inherently biased. Everything you just said to me about a hypothetical trans race person has been said to my parents about me as a trans gender person, and i cant ignore that similarity.

if someone was trans race the way im trans gender, they wouldn't be able to like. stop. but now im comparing hypotheticals to hypotheticals and thats an infinite game with infinite players and no purpose.

I would hear someone out. Id talk to them. I would hear their woes. Its on principal. We dye our hair different colors, in some future where equality is so ontological as to become inherent, i don't see any difference between bleaching your hair and bleaching your skin, its just rearranging pigment. I can easily imagine a world where changing your hair color is a major faux pa, but that doesn't make it onherently bad. and I do not believe that people can be inherently bad.

And I think being transrace, like how im transgender, i guess what they call a good faith identity, would be taking on a lot of fuckin unnecessary anguish for an aesthetic difference. I know what being socially ostracized feels like and I wouldn't feel right if let a perception I know to be biased steer me away from giving them company.

i think this is another situation where i dont know where i stand until someone grills me about it. Maybe an extention of my alexthymia, food for thought on my part. But it feels hypocritical to me to make a say that one of these transes is ok and the other isnt. maybe its that old transhumanist thing i was on about as a kid coming back. If this surprises you, the way ive spoken about this, i dont think you know me very well.

I don't ever want to judge an entire demographic as bad or evil. I don't think humans are capable of being bad or evil inherently, i don't think a person can be bad or evil at all actually. And I cant imagine someone who would be transrace would have much support, and i empathize with that.

Shrugs.

If this surprized any of you, again, i dont think you know me.

[pageofheartdj]

Yeah the tale is pretty sad and unfair, but you know how myths can be one thing and evve into something else through time and repetition. I think what people may pull from it is that narcissus was so obsessed with himself that he never considered others, but you're right that it's sad and he needed help. Alas people tend not to think that way, whatever is easiest you know? People dont like helping if there isnt a clear benefit to them.

Anyways I think that your point of "people should know better" doesnt apply as much in this situation because a lot people dont actually know about narcissistic personality disorder and even fewer can separate narcissism (the trait) from narcissistic personality disorder.

Using psychopath is an interesting case because the word was applied to the personality disorder during a time where psychology was pretty new, ergo a great way of describing something "wrong". Plus used for movies and stuff to describe murderers.thats why it falls into Antisocial Personality Disorder now instead of being called psychotic. Evolving the name to be more accurate and distancing it from the negative word associated to it helps turn it from a demonized diagnosis to a mental medical condition.

Not to say that I think people should never change, but I think there comes a point where if people associate the word far more with the negatives rather than evolving to meet a new definition, it might be best just to come up with a new word.

It would be a clean slate, separation from negative stereotypes and help make it a mental medical condition and not be something demonized.

Like I get not wanting to change it, it is unfair, but I think that a lot of the unfairness came from how it was named. It wasnt a name thought up out of no where, the condition was given a name that was already viewed poorly. It was given a bad name right from the get go.

That's just how I think of it though. It's a ton harder to change the definition of a word based in mythology (which means it has been around for hundreds or even thousands of years) to something that only a very small section of the english speaking population knows about. Like if someone wasnt studying psychology or wasnt in a certain online hemisphere they may never run into the definition of narcissistic personality disorder.

But yeah hopefully that wasnt confusing. Also I dont wanna sound blamey like it's your fault for the disorder having such a poor and stigmatized name. It sucks and I sympathize and hope people dont trest you badly

It's kind of ironic. A person was hurting himself but was punished for this, instead of being helped or left alone. With the tale at least.

With all the information being so easily available it shouldn't be THAT hard to learn more. Or at least listen to people. Because even in the healthcare the condition is demonized. So I guess we need to change THEM first, then give some good rep in media and easily accessable not demonizing articles. Yeah I guess I can see how it's harder to figure out the truth. But still in our era where people are much more mindful, somehow 'Evil Person' disorder shouldn't sound very... real or fair.

Phsycopath is still used. The change of the disorder didn't make the insult dissappear. Just because it's not an official name anymore doesn't mean people don't use it to still describe people with ASPD. If there is a villian in media, he will be claimed to be psycopath or narcissist, still holding those disorders in mind. Because that's the description of the word.

I am not sure what to think about the word change. It feels too close to 'queer was used as a slur so we must drop it'. Bigots will use a different word for slur, that's their goal. So NPD will be changed, there is a high chance people will just adjust their vocabulary since they openly claim to people with NPD to be inherently abusive. Not just people who have narcissist traits.

Shouldn't it be easier to just... not use this one word?

[minu-moni]

Thank you for all your answers!

Honestly your issues with the intermission are so much different than mine that I’m a little embarrassed to talk about it kahfkfja but let’s do it anyway!

My only issue with the intermission really is regarding mainly Spades Slick’s character, specifically his sexism and misogyny.

Now, before anything else, I wanna clarify that this is by no means me saying “you can’t make bigoted characters”, my issue with his character isnt him being sexist in and of itself, but him being sexist as a reflection of Hussie’s own bigotry.

With the majority of intermission characters being male, interactions with female characters are scarce and stand out because of it, mainly Spades Slick interacting with Snowman. What stood out to me the most is the way he addresses her when they interact, mainly calling her a bitch.

It stands out to me because Spades never refers to her as an asshole, a motherfucker, a dipshit or any other cursings. No. He calls her specifically a bitch. And only a bitch. Which is particularly uncomfortable because Snowman’s silhouette is one that makes her slim waist and boobs stand out, so essentially him calling her a bitch and nothing else reads to me like slutshaming.

She’s not a bitch because she treats people poorly and is a dictator. She’s a bitch because she’s a woman with big breasts.

Spades also behaves weirdly towards Ms. Paint, jumping straight into flirting with her when they meet, which also plays on the sexism Spades has. It just feels weird (and particularly uncomfortable) to me that they don’t even talk before he starts flirting, which rings me very much like those construction workers that whistle when women walk by them on the street or hospital patients flirting with nurses.

Now, none of this inherently means Hussie is sexist. Correct.

Except this isn’t only a thing with Spades Slick, but something Hussie has kept consistent since Problem Sleuth.

Notice the way he names the characters in that comic. The male characters have actual names, like the three main characters, Problem Sleuth, Ace Dick and Pickle Inspector. But the female characters are named after sexist stereotypes for women, ie: Nervous Broad; Hysterical Dame. This is something he has carried since those times, and it lines up chronologically since the intermission is very early Homestuck.

“Oh, but this all lines up with what noir movies and stories do, and that’s where the basis for the Midnight Crew and Problem Sleuth come from.”

True, but just because those movies had sexist tropes, doesn’t mean you’re obligated to include them in your story. Just like Bridgerton isn’t obligated to abide by “black people weren’t aristocrats in the regency era”. The decision to put this on the story was a conscious one Hussie made.

It’s not Spades’ character that is the issue, but the fact that he’s written like that because Hussie has a sexism baggage.

Also I really don’t like the idea of Snowman living with like 15 men. Nothing about this is relevant within the comic, but thinking about it too much makes me uncomfortable. Give that woman some female friends please (and maybe some girlfriends too)

A lot about Snowman is written as sexist actually. She is the “bad girl” stereotype that men love putting in their movies to appeal to the male-gaze, barely has a personality in comparison to the Midnight Crew, has a body that makes no sense for a species that apparently reproduces through cloning (even tho she’s hot as fuck and I love her) and is called a bitch (and only a bitch) by the character that interacts with her the most, which sums up like 90% of the time she’s on screen or mentioned.

And this isn’t only an issue with the intermission characters (see the Hussie putting boobs on female trolls despite them being basically insects discussion).

As a woman reading these stories, these little things are stuff that not only feels unnecessary, but are uncomfortable, and I know for a fact I’m not the only one that felt like this since I talked to people about it before.

If it was just the characters, it would be mostly fine, I could easily ignore that, but since it’s an issue with Hussie as an author, it’s something more worrying than just writing a bigoted character.

I don’t know Hussie, so his visions on the subject could’ve changed (and I hope they did) since it’s been a long time since he wrote these characters, but it’s still something that bothers me when I read the intermissions and anything with Spades Slick in it.

I like Spades as a character, but that trait of his and the implications it has are absolutely something I would change.

Genuine question for my homestuck intermission colleagues: are you guys genuinely content with the way the intermission characters are written (The Felt, Midnight Crew and Doc scratch) or is there anything that bothers you? Would you change anything if you could and what?

[vikingnerd793]

Hello! I was thinking of buying the Valhalla DLC and wanted your opinion on them. I like a lot of Valhalla, but historically, a lot of Viking culture was rewritten post Christianization. Things like the norse gods being said to be an ancient long dead society who weren't really gods (to avoid any blasphemy) and generally being portrayed as more cruel, cowardly, and backstabbing,(like Havi) as well as my biggest issue, a lot less gay, all of which Valhalla kind of leans into (which is absolutely more of an issue with Assassin's Creed than with Valhalla. The vikings weren't the only culture this happened to, after all) which also kind of undercuts a lot of interesting ideas the games present when any kind of quest involving a culture's spirituality, such as the final Ivarr decision or the quest about Barnabas' daughter in Odyssey, are always undermined with thoughts like 'why does it matter, we know their beliefs aren't real in this cannon' and I was wondering if the DLC has this issue too. My biggest example of this is the interrogations you get when you kill a target. In previous AC games there's no explanation for this, but Valhalla actually semi implies that, as a reincarnation of Odin, Eivor is judging the souls of the dead like Odin did in Norse belief. But we all know that isnt the case because in AC lore Odin is an Isu, so its an interesting idea that goes no where.

So the first thing I’ll say is: I agree a lot of Viking history was written post christianization, but that’s all they had to work with, so I don’t blame them as much as the lack of resources we have. But I also wanted to add that AC is not meant to be a 100% historically accurate game. The gods are Isu, not actually Gods, and the way the Templars come to life is Alfred basically takes the Order’s mindset of “praise the ancient ones aka an ancient race they worshipped as of they were Gods” and pacified the masses through “praise the one true God.” So like, that right there is an immediate and obvious deviation …. Though not entirely, as this isn’t entirely wrong in terms of why Christianity came to be so powerful and why so many pagans converted. Yes some converted by choice and for many, it was because it was easier to rule when you an ordained king of an entire area than a Jarl/chieftain of a clan.

But anyway, I never took AC to be an exact depiction of anything, whether that be history or the Gods. That said, I wouldn’t actually argue they demonize the Gods as much as you described it. The Gods were described that way in the Eddas. And as I mentioned, yea that’s a post christianized text…. But like, it’s the most detailed and renowned we have today. So I don’t see that as a problem. And they do a much better job with their portrayal than, say, God of War. Where legitimately every God is an asshole caricature of themselves except maybe Freyja and Kratos just gets randomly inserted into their story. Baldur also is depicted like an ass and he’s not even close to that in any story about him we know of today. I, personally, really enjoy Valhalla’s depiction even though I know it’s not perfect. As far as Vikings go, sure, the cultural representation is stereotypical. We know most Scandinavians were farmers and Vikings traded, and traded widely. They didn’t just raid. But you actually see that in the DLC, Wrath of the Druids, where they set up trade posts! You may not like Wrath of the Druids because it’s a bit of “pagan scary pagan bad” but if you really follow the story closely, the Druids are persecuted despite the fanatical ones giving them a bad name. You actually realize the Christians were the assholes in the story, not just the big bad cultish pagans, and the Druids were simply being driven out instead of being allowed to just live.

But again, AC is not doing something inherently wrong with Vikings, either. They kind of did raid. They kind of did do what they did in England. And Eivor actually navigates that brilliantly. Where she goes from assuming they should just pacify England to learning to live in England, Saxon and Dane alike, because anything else ends in nothing but death. She even sees Alfred’s plight as someone trying to protect their people, even if his behavior was sketchy AF at times and he treated Pagans/Vikings horribly. It was a gray area situation.

As far as the Odin kill room thing. Darby, the narrative director, explains what Eivor is doing in the kill rooms. She is not really judging. She is struggling with her reincarnated self. Havi, in his past life, WOULD have viewed those scenarios differently. But Eivor, who developed her own personality and moral code before Havi memories started triggering in her head (which happened post trauma), is perceiving each and every kill differently because of it. The entire game is about her legacy and how she will be remembered when she dies, because she WILL die, just like Havi did, when he caused a lot of damage trying to prevent this (which, again, is not unlike the Eddas, the most detailed resource we have on stories of the Gods)… his legacy was of damage, revenge, selfishness, and yes, Glory to some extent but more in his own mind than the reality. Eivor’s legacy, as a reincarnated Isu, will be (hopefully) different because she is actively choosing, in every kill room, aka her mind, to perceive every scenario a different way and as a result, be better and do better. It’s a redemption arc, in a way. I found it much more satisfying! (More in comments)

[kidpunkjunk]

hi!! lets talk abt boone/arcade fanfic and the issue of depicting gay men as perverted/predatory :)

lets start out by touching on the stereotype of gay men being predatory/inherent perverts

theres an awful trend within media where queer characters; gay men, lesbians, and bisexual, and trans people alike, are depicted as, you guessed it, perverted and predatory. especially towards straight characters. lusting after them, flirting with them despite the other character is showing clear discomfort, even going as far as sexually harrassing, both verbally and physically, them. it stems from the perceived notion that queer people are inhentally oversexual beings. that being oversexual goes hand in hand with lgbt+ identities. its often the reason why some cishet people, upon learning a colleage of theirs is queer, immeditely thinks that that colleague is now dead set on having sex/starting a relationship with them.

you may be asking "okay so what does this have to do with boone/arcade fanfic" the answer is, surprisingly: a lot!!!

ive read just about every single boone/arcade fanfic on ao3, which granted isnt many. something ive noticed is that people LOVE depicting arcade as a horny, perverted, has-no-boundries teen and boone as a straight laced straight boy who uses arcade as, pardon my crass language, a hole to use for stress relief. and dont get me wrong, pure smut fics arent inherently bad, but you have to be very mindful considering that one of the characters is canonically gay. fuck bro, you have to be mindful period when it comes to queer ships. unintentional usage of harmful stereotypes is rampant in fandom. i always get very wary of non gay men authors write about gay male relationships, and especially about gay sex. i hate to gatekeep a whole ass sexuality but some of you just dont get it. not to mention, the trend of boone being a "its just one man"/arcadesexual (honestly same tho) kinda guy. as if the idea of him being queer is unfathomable. i promise you that straight boys dont fuck their gay friends nearly as much as you think.

on a more personal note, thinking of my own experience as a gay man who's been through. A Lot. when it comes to sexual relationships. i have to say that the diluted, watered down plot of "gay man turns straight guy" is uhmmm gross!! the idea of arcade making so many sexual comments to boone and coming on to him in such a casual way is really upsetting and follows the line of inherently over sexual gay men. the idea that gay men dont care if the men they are attracted to are straight or not, theyll harass them till the goddamn cows come home. the trend of gay men pushing and pushing and pushing till their an inch away from being punched. that they dont care about peoples boundries. the tone deafness of it all is palpable. not to mention a huge mischaracterized of arcades character, as well as boones to a certain degree.

actually, lets talk more abt that :) people also love to warp arcades personality and characterization to fit the plot of the story theyre writing. its as if they forget that he's a whole ass 35 year old man. a full grown adult man with three decades worth of life experience as a gay man. as if he doesnt have a very clear personality type and how it affects his sexuality. its insane!! despite having the highest charisma out of all the companions, i promise you that hes not as suave and smooth talking as you all make him out to be. hes just old and has experience. thats off topic tho hold on gimme a hot min.

hes also a full on wasteland genius. he most likely knows the nuance and egg shell walking that comes with being a queer man, around a straight boy, especially in a place so fucked and shit as post apocalyptic america. major knight, who's most likely not a ten intelligence, is full aware and wary of how the west view queer people. so the idea of arcade flirting with a perceived cishet man (from the ncr no less !!!) is the wildest notion ive seen in the fandom. almost middle aged old ass man arcade knows better than to do that and people discard that for the situation of "gay man flirts with 'straight' guy and makes him haha uncomfortable with no concern for the result of his unwarranted actions" the idea that he would disregard someones comfort to that level makes me wonder if yall ever leave ur bedrooms and interact with real people. not to mention the idea of boone just. accepting these come ons. that he just puts up with it and lets it happen, regardless of how he feels. which is even worse when you realize thats exactly how he would respond. he would just let himself be uncomfortable. or, worse, giving in not bc he reciprocates but again bc hes just horny. giant mischaracterization and also straight boys don't do that.

but anyway, its late, and i feel this is more of a directionless ramble than a well thought out critism piece. but i wanted to get out my thoughts and maybe help people realize this kinda uncommon, but still harmful, thing within the fanfic community.

[ablednt]

aren’t u that blog that constantly promotes self dx and bashes professional dx? like self dx is fine but it’s a last resort for people who can’t access prof dx.

I don't bash prof dx, first off. I fully understand and respect people who needed one for any reason.

However self diagnosis should never be treated like a backup for if you can't get a prof dx and here is why:

(Disclaimer: exact details vary by country making this not fully accurate in every country also I am not saying that treatment is bad or that therapists are inherently bad I am currently trying to seek therapy but any good therapist will treat you without a diagnosis if they are aware of the legal consequences of one)

You can and likely will lose your rights for your diagnoses. It's different by country but in the US if your diagnosed with things like DID, Autism, and probs a lot more you won't be allowed to go on HRT if you're trans. You may have your children taken away if you have any, you may be prevented from donating or receiving blood or organs, if you have abusive family members they may be able to put you under a conservatorship (what happened to Britney Spears) etc.

Literally the vast majority of psychologists do not study these disorders! Do you know what they do when they prof dx? THE SAME SHIT PPL WHO SELF DX DO. The dx process is exactly the same but with a professional dx you have someone who doesn't have that thing, who has no actual first hand experiences, listening to you talk about that thing and telling you whether or not they think you have it with literally no input from the community.

By saying every one has to try to be prof dxed before they're allowed to self dx you're saying that people of color should put up with blatant racism because there's so many documented biases.

Also the criteria that therapists use to diagnose is found in the dsm5, have you read it? I have, it says that autistic people cannot take care of themselves that they're prone to self harm bc of their autism and that they should have their needs ignored it uses all the labels that autistic people ask it doesn't. It says that even if an adult fits all the criteria of ADHD that if their parents arent available to say "yeah they sucked at school and were annoying" that you shouldn't diagnose them. The criteria for personality disorders, schizophrenia, and similar are all intentionally vague and/or exclusionary to one highly stereotyped set of symptoms. They literally admitted to trying to make the criteria for DID as specific and exclusive as possible because they wanted to remove it entirely because they believed people dxed with MPD before DID was coined did not deserve treatment.

The field of psychology started historically to abuse people, they were thrown into asylums and literally beaten and subjected to horrible conditions for any presumed mental illness. This actually has not changed very much at all, even in the last century a psychiatrist was caught physically abusing his patients and using the theory he made on DID to force them to keep coming to him for therapy. Psyche wards are notorious for mistreating patients there in every aspect and I've had psyche students tell me they believe that psychologists should have the right to physically harm patients. Children professionally dxed with autism are often physically harmed at school by their teachers, physical restraint is still used and it's killed multiple autistic students.

Children and teens in abusive homes have ableist parents often who may get violent or worsen the abuse or use a dx against them legally to trap them at home. Do you give them a pass for self dx? Except here's the thing you literally don't know who's being abused and who isn't and asking ppl that is really fucked up so you should be accepting all self dx to create a welcoming and safe space for them.

Physciatrists actually misdiagnose more than people mis-self-diagnose. Which isn't a reflection on the psychiatrist as much as the fact that people know their own experiences but they very often can't explain them. An example before I met someone who had OSDD1 and would explain it to me from first hand perspective no one would have ever suspected I had a dissociative disorder and was plural Because the only words I had for my experiences were "everything before a certain date literally wasn't me idk I'm just not the same person I was" "I'm a really good writer because I talk to characters in my head all day and they respond to things even when I'm not trying to think about them and they're real to me somehow idk lol" none of that sounds like DID but I was actually describing memory gaps from switches, internal communication and presence of fictives, etc. The best guest anyone had was depression and an overactive imagination. Self dxing is literally more accurate and accessible because people can look at the community and see the disorder explained from first hand experience.

Historically (but it's still happening in some cases) therapists would literally refuse treatment to anyone who talked to other people with their diagnosis. The case I'm thinking of is people with MPD (the dx that came before DID replaced it) would be refused therapy if they spoke to anyone else with MPD outside of therapy and even forbade them from going to support groups for survivors of incestual abuse because those groups advocated for the rights of people with MPD. To this day therapists often disrespect any and all ND/mentally ill communities because we happen to know our own literal lived experiences better than them.

Oh and prof dxes are often used against people legally so if anyone is in a minority group often targeted by police that potentially puts them in even more danger if they're arrested. Least we forget there's an entire field of study dedicated to criminalizing mental illness.

This isnt even half the reasons but I'm running out of spoons (I can source most of these things but I don't have the spoons so if anyone needs a source just ask)

I'm a firm believer that the need for prof dx not be pushed on everyone when it can have permanent and negative consequences and is no better than a self dx. If someone needs a diagnosis for access to medications, for financial support, or for any other legal reason then it very well may be worth the risk but they need to have the right to understand the consequences and make that decision. Imo it's professional dxes that should be not a last resort perse but it shouldn't even remotely be your first steps, your first steps are find the community and hear their actual lived experiences bc that will be so much clearer than anything a therapist who doesn't experience that thing can explain.

Also why do you care if people self dx? Why does their not having an Official Document saying they have their disorder bother you? I think it's deeply unsettling that you think everyone in the entire world needs YOUR approval to have something.

Jsyk the sentiment that self dx is lesser than prof dx is fostered by our capitalist nt society that's benefiting off of our abuse and systematic oppression so like you're literally helping us stay oppressed with this rhetoric.

If y'all really want to be progressive and anti-capitalist like most of this site does (and should) then that goes for disability justice too. Stop helping our own communities abuse and accept that not everyone has the luxury you apparently had to never be affected by your diagnosis ever.

[luque-moreau]

y'know i think its about time ive refurbished my psychonauts headcanons/theories

what??? me??? rewriting my psychonauts headcanons in a more comprehensible and informed way???

ye

alright, i think everyone knows what im talking about, by headcanons i mean headcanon as in singular, and as singular, i mean my "raz is somewhere on the spectrum of adhd".

so lets just get into it:

what is adhd actually?

adhd by definition stands for attention deficit hyperactive/hyperfocus disorder (yes, let me get into the details in just a sec). it is a nerodevelopmental disorder that is almost completely reliant on genetic factors, however conditions during pregnancy can sometimes contribute to certain aspects of how adhd manifests itself.

long story short, people with adhd have a smaller frontal lobe, and therefore less dopamine in general (even though yes, it is more complicated than that).

theres also a little bit of "chicken or the egg first" goin on here, certain behaviors or personality tendencies can also affect how adhd is presented in one individual to the next, however its still not clear if that is because it is an accommodating for a certain thought process or if someones experiences and personality shape their symptoms of adhd entirely. its a very blurry line, and the answer is different for everybody.

hyperactive type

hyperactive type is probably the closest to most stereotypical depictions of adhd, think the 5 year old whos parents brush off their child’s hyperactivity as something that will “go with age”. however, this isn’t only present in children, adults with adhd have to deal with a constant need for stimuli to make up for the lack of dopamine their current activity is providing them. this results in someone fidgeting frequently in repetitive or predictable motions, unable to hold attention to a specific task for long periods of time, or many other of the symptoms associated with adhd.(i sadly cannot provide more information in this area, i am not knowledgeable enough to...)

hyperfocus type

hyperfocus type is a tricky one, it can look like the complete opposite of adhd in theory. hyperfocus can look similar to special interests or hyperfixation, a great deal of time and knowledge dedicated to a very particular thing (although it is important to note that even though hyperfixations and special interests are incredibly similar, special interests is a term more typically used within autistic-circles, and isnt really the best word to use if you happen to be neurotypical). Think of maybe that kid who knows all the cool animal facts and won’t shut up about them. Its because certain trains of thought or activities might release more dopamine then others, so to get more of that dopamine, someone of hyperfocus type will be mentally unable to stop thinking or doing a very specific task or topic. this results in someone seemingly always spacing out, unable to change subjects or changing subjects too fast or with little to no correlation, or being completely unable to have enough motivation to do simple things.

personally i tend to fall under the category of hyperfocus myself rather than hyperactive, however the two are not mutually exclusive, its more common to find people with both types rather than just one. even myself, i might exhibit more tendencies to place me under the label of hyperfocus, but that doesn’t mean i don’t have any symptoms of the hyperactive type. its my personality that affects my mannerisms, which then makes certain aspects of my symptoms more or less apparent. Thats because im an INTP-T, i just tend to be more to myself and constantly in a state of thinking abstractly. I have trouble communicating and even sometimes recognizing my needs, and get to a point where im unable to do the simplest of things without feeling emotionally drained. Thats just my experience though, everybodys different. 

so what the fuck does this have to do with raz then?

well lets think about it, rather than have it just be me projecting myself onto a comfort character:

raz finds issue with connecting to kids his age

lets be honest. none of the campers really like raz that much. or at least some do the bare minimum to be try and be polite. it doesn’t seem like any of the other campers besides dogen, whos also socially outcasted, are really fond of raz. lili might like him, but that can definitely be interpreted as curiosity in someone new and different from the norm. It might not be that the kids despise him, but nobodys opinionated enough to care whether he is around or not.

social isolation is one of the most damning things i had to experience from an early age and still feel even today. there is a sense of feeling that you are different among your peers, whether that is a good thing or bad thing. it feels difficult to interact with other people you are not familiar with, and can really stunt you emotionally and socially. from a really early age, theres somethin in you that knows something is very different between the experiences of your peers compared to your own, and it can feel incredibly isolating.

raz and his borderline stupidity

time to get real again. raz is a fucking idiot. at least in the sense that sometimes his decisions seem incredibly spontaneous and not really thought through. he runs from home to attend a summer camp, not really thinking about the logistics of how he will get there, how the staff will react, how long its gonna take for his parent to find him, and so on. it doesn’t seem like he over or underestimates his abilities, he just goes for it without considering. that doesnt seem like the smartest thing to do, even though we know hes incredibly intelligent when it comes to larger, abstract situations. its the little details that he misses, small minuet things that seem unimportant that he overlooks, which can sometimes make things harder for him in the end.

i think its obvious that impulsivity is one symptom of adhd. however i cannot stress how difficult it is to think at supersonic speed and still feel incredibly stupid. i mean, thinking faster doesn’t inherently mean you will have better ideas, you can always be stupider faster, but being able to realize stupid mistakes or inconsistencies in your own thought process is annoying as hell. it feels like every time you try to recognize the issue, fix it, and move forward, you only end up not paying attention to another issue that gets bigger and more annoying than the first. Its always two steps forward, one step back, constantly making the same mistakes even though you try everything in your power to avoid them or grow as a person. The simplest of facts, ideas, or just things to remember end up being forgotten, and once youre reminded of them you remember them and feel like an idiot. however, arbitrary things and complex issues are much easier to digest and remember for me, things like history and the whole blame game charade of it all, biology and how every minuet thing has a greater impact on others and intertwines with every single factor of its environment, philosophy and theorizing why we think the way we do and what can be changed. but oh shit, im a dumbass i forgot to do my laundry. shit. god fuckin dammit.

empathy over sympathy

one of the basic themes of psychonauts is empathy. simple as that. raz goes around into other peoples brains, and tries to help them as much as he can, even if his efforts are not always successful in the way he intended. he never demonizes anyone to the point of unredeemability, and can empathize and understand other peoples perspectives. hes open to new ideas and

although some studies out there theorize that empathy is impaired due to adhd, from my perspective i feel like that is simply not true. if anything, i would say the sensitivity that comes with adhd (hypersensitivity) only enhances that empathy. i could definitely see social disconnection being one of the reasons it might appear that someone with adhd is less empathetic, however i would doubt that adhd would impair a persons empathy. adhd tends to also entail heightened emotions, this doesn’t necessarily mean a more outwardly emotional person, however it definitely shifts a persons perspective of their own emotions as well as others. the concept of hypersensitivity also completely contradicts the idea of people with adhd be less empathetic.

miscommunication and disconnect

sigh, the dad thing. yup. raz has that very iffy relationship with his dad at the beginning of the game which is eventually resolved. very abruptly, might i add. but thats not what this is about, thats a topic for another day. miscommunication seemed to be the root of the issue, however we only get razs side of the story. not to mention the severity of his claims and willingness to seemingly drop everything afterwards. kinda sus, ngl.

alright this ones a doosey. this, i feel, cements my theory pretty well. like i mentioned before, social disconnect and hypersensitivity are side effects of the symptoms of adhd.  this means people with adhd are highly more likely to either misinterpret someones words or actions if those in question are not completely transparent, its because they tend to overthink and interpenetrate responses with too much thinkin n such. the social disconnect makes a whole lot of it worse, it can just pile on top of already established feelings of inadequacy and isolation. and oversharing as a poor coping mechanism isnt an exclusively adhd related thing, it tends to be shared within similar neruodevelopmental disorders such as autism or even ptsd. i find it incredibly easy to disconnect myself from my own emotions at times and think critically at what i feel and how it affects me. which is a bad thing. if i dont acknowledge my emotions like they are my own for too long, everything falls apart. its not fun. but, that disconnect can make talking about certain more traumatic experiences or instances that had deep personal effects on my life and development as a person much easier to just share. and not always in an appropriate manner, comedic opportunity can be   v  e  r  y   enticing. this also explains why raz might have been able to drop everything about his dad after he apologized. he didn’t really, he probably still suffers just as much afterwards as he did before. but he probably wont realize that for awhile, since logically, the issue has been resolved. long story short, he has not had the time to cope, and to put that off he detaches himself from those feelings. w a c k

of course i have other reasons why i feel like raz could potentially have adhd, or at least be accurately represented in headcanon with adhd, some minor mentions being:

he uses his camp map as a journal to track his in-game progress, list of goals, and notes/snip-its of information. writing down information on some form of notepad or book is a common tool used by kids and even adults with adhd to help them keep track of minuet, individual tasks. its just using a planner, but with a bit more information. 

just from my personal perspective, the lengths raz goes to pursue his dream of being a psychonaut feel more like a special interest/hyper fixation sort of thing. he can jump between having genuine conversations with his fellow campers and just exploring the campground, to investing himself entirely in obtaining his goal, even when it seems almost impossible. thats some serious dedication to one very specific thing, y’know?

this one isnt as solid as the other but: m̶̖̰̯̫̍͝o̵̦͖̟͈̹̤̥̝͐̿̄̀̀̎̓ņ̶̛̭̠̐̊̆̍͝ķ̸̝͈̺̙̰̊e̶͉͚̼̅̔͗̂͐̍̕͝͝y̶̦̖̼͖̪͎̝̖̠̐̑͋̾̔̑́͐͘ ̵̢̲̘͎͉̔̀͒̄͌͊̀͌̀m̴̲̫̮̪̖̍̐͆̕͜͝ͅả̶͙͚͗n̶̗̳̩̙̘̼̦̦͇͝ ̷̡̨̡͔̗͕̘͍̥̑͒̎̐̃g̴͔̔̈̅̐̏́̌̔̈́́o̶̥̱̽̆̂͌̀͗ ̶̝̩͙͕͛́s̴̛͓̥̲̜͓͚̣̠̆̓̌͌p̶̜̹̯̦̫̯̣̎͐̽̉̾ḙ̴͇̬͑̈́̐̈́͘͠ͅȅ̶̡̗̞̩͔̫̪͈͑̓͗d̵̠͇͎̜͔͇͒̈́́̀̅̈́̒͘y̸̡̦̠̻̖̥̿ͅ. yeah, its the most generalizing reason but look, hes moving nonstop the entire game, climbing and running around the entire goddamn place wrecking havoc. a bit of imp can be found in most people with adhd if you look hard enough.

so thanks for reading this far i guess? im oversharing even right now with this, like an i d i o t but yknow what i dont want to read the great gatsby rn, so ive got nothin better to do. who knows, maybe the second game will give us more info to either support/discredit this theory? gotta wait for pn2 i guess

:^)

[my-darling-boy]

hiya. hope this isnt too personal; if yes: i am very sorry and feel free to completely ignore this! It’s about ed/body dysmorphia and dysphoria. So I’ve been suffering from anorexia for quite some time and think i am trans but me being unable to discern “disordered” thoughts from my real thoughts I started doubting my “transness”. I dont want to go into detail since it might be tiggering but did you ever experience anything similar? I would really appreciate some tips.

Ahh firstly I’m sorry to hear you’re going through that! Secondly, I have Much to say about this because trans people often suffer from EDs and it’s not something I see talked a lot about, but it’s a very serious matter in the trans community. So far EVERY trans person I have known irl has had a form of an ED at one point in their life. It is actually more common than you think for a trans person to have body dysphoria AND dysmorphia at the same time!

My own ED started because of outside pressure from cis people, and cis men especially, who shamed me into prioritising looking traditionally masculine, gauging my validity based on how well I—and I don’t like using the word but—“passed”, and so I felt the need to drastically alter my figure. I got abused by people who kept telling me I couldn’t be a real gay man unless I looked like X or did Y to my body, so I was roped into bad habits to fit to their biased expectations.

I also know it was a way for me to “control” my life when things didn’t go as planned, as a therapist once pointed out, and so restriction was a way for me to take charge of SOMETHING in my life when I felt so helpless to change other things, like my wait time for surgery or name changes, etc. Which is why I know trans people suffering from EDs must be having a very hard time right now during these Current Events because life seems out of control. It’s also why cyber bullying and other forms of abuse can also trigger these disorders, not just from people body shaming a trans person, but also because you can feel a lack of control to handle the abuser(s).

Trans people can also see eating disorders as a form of self harm because of the depression one might suffer due to transphobia or other negative factors. Self punishment can also manifest in the form of harmful restrictive/excessive eating. A trans person may have such poor self esteem or have a history of abuse and view the absence of food or nourishment, or eating to the point of being sick, as a self inflicted penalty for feeling ashamed to be trans, or for another related issue.

My own anorexia stemmed from all of these, from the transphobia and stress I was experiencing as a trans person.

It’s interesting you bring up dysphoria and dysmorphia, because I would now say I have next to no dysphoria—because I am a man and it’s feels wrong/incorrect to think of myself as any different—so therefore, with my gender issues out of the way, now I’m just a man dealing with male body issues which don’t exactly feel directly related to gender dysphoria, if that makes sense? And in your situation, I get the two together can be pretty hard to distinguish between!

But like I was going to answer in another ask, and something I think a lot of people forget (and may be helpful to figure out one feeling from the next): being trans is deeper than surface level. I think because of the way it’s portrayed on social media, as stereotypes, and so forth, people get wrapped up in prioritizing the body part of it to determine if they’re trans, while neglecting the mind/heart part of it to determine it, and the LATTER is what is ultimately going to tell you!

I can wear anything I want and be a man. I could have any body shape and be a man. I don’t have to have surgeries or hormones to be a man, and I don’t even have to feel like anything about me has to physically change to be a man. What matters is that I FEEL, intangibly, internally, I am a man. What I choose to do with my body to support that if I feel it necessary is secondary to my identity, my being.

It’s good to understand our hearts = everything. How we feel about our bodies and the stuff we do to them or put on them is determined by your heart. That’s why if you’re really stuck, it’s important to concentrate more on internal responses to determine if you’re trans. I always say to experiment with clothing or pronouns or other forms of expression—not because these things must inherently equal being trans—but because it’s your deep internal euphoric response that you’re looking for to these factors, and if you’re looking for a place to start, that could be it! But at the end of the day, if we existed without bodies, without a way to express ourselves physically, who are you? And what form does that spirit take? It doesn’t have to be male or female, it can be anywhere in or out of the binary as well, so you don’t have to limit yourself to “male” or “female” boxes!

I hope some of this could help? ♡

[melforbes]

ask meme. what if. patching up. no I still haven’t seen source material

the way i completely forgot about this ask until i wrote like two paragraphs in this and was like oh shit lmao

the source material is getting an hbo series bb you're in luck also ignore anna whatever as tess yes i respect her as an actress yes she is talented in a bunch of things i have not seen but ms annie wersching is the only tess in my heart and also if i have to endure tess being reduced to a powerbitch stereotype i will start foaming at the mouth. but also i have no feelings about this whatsoever <3

WHAT IF: i will pick an important choice or event in my current project and write three sentences (or more?) about if it’d gone done differently

hmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMm

this is hard because i kind of had a stupid amount of confidence in the decisions i had them make in this and because i have ~a lot of experience~ in flying by the seat of my pants with writing lmaooooo a lot of the time with this ive had some degree of foresight when it comes to certain plot decisions. the only reason i have this in the first place is that with other things ive had kind of sort of plot revelations and then been like "well if i'd set that up three chapters ago it would have a huge impact i think but instead i guess it's just going in this one for a smaller impact" so i think i learned my lesson haha. also because this pairing nowadays has a small and sparse tag i really intentionally put in stuff to make it interesting (maybe the wrong word) to reread. like not Interesting interesting but i wanted there to be certain details that are more relevant on a reread than on an initial read because whenever i read stuff in small tags i tend to read it Multiple Times lmaoooooo and it's like if anyone like me is out there I Will Feed You. I Will Give You Food. you see i have this problem in which im like i dont want to act like i put thought into this because That's Embarrassing and i also dont want to seem like i take this too seriously because That's Embarrassing and also i dont want to act uppity or pompous or something But At The Same Time i do put a lot of thought into certain things and i feel like mentioning that and i dont really want to judge myself for that. it's complicated but also super uncomplicated. where was i going with this

OH right. so most of the plot decisions were made super concretely. like pre breakup arc in the nightmares chapters (which came out so much worse than i intended alkdjksjad;glksjg) when tess and joel talk about ellie Knowing (also legit it is such a trip to me that you dont know the context of that. a trip in a good way) she says we every time and he only ever says i even when she points out that this would affect both of them, and at one point i think he says that tess doesnt understand baseless violence which is 100% untrue, and then there's a bunch of window imagery i put in starting there because im a freak. so like For Once In My Life a lot of this was as planned as it could be. on occasion there's been Plot Revelations that get wedged in (the radio interlude chapter, which was a bit of an inelegant seam between prewritten things that didnt mesh well) but for the most part ive got tits out into every decision. like tess and ellie disagreeing about joel's choice was very planned though i imagine that kind of conversation could be executed many different ways i had my one way and stuck to it. so either way

where was i going with this. did i have a point.

OKAY. let's see. i think one of the big ~emotional beats~ so to speak was the ambush chapter and i think that's the favorite because that's usually where people comment if i remember correctly and initially i wasnt going to go with that tone At All haha. years ago i wrote everyday domestic scenes of mulder and scully from x files and had it all on this blog and it was plotless but largely in the same overarching universe (i say as if it was legit ever That Deep) and after writing this as a oneshot and being like you know? Kind of feel like doing that again. i figured i would just follow the same largely plotless path of legit just domesticity and leave it at that. and i think the first like five chapters are tonally different from the rest because i'd never really intended for it to have plot or really any depth whatsoever. in the end like. How do i say this in a way that wont be interpreted as uppity or something asldkjgalsdgjk like. when i did those mulder scully scenes i was very much a beginner and i think i didnt realize just how inherent that beginner-ness was to the concept itself. which isnt a bad thing! like people had fun with those so far as i remember. bizarrely enough i think people might still read those which. cringe. but you kno!!! but with a few years of distance from that kind of concept i think it was hard for me to Not try something else. especially with this universe in which it's just dense with storytelling opportunity. and also i felt as if the first few chapters were just like super super lighthearted and i wanted some angst factor. which is why in the end the angst factor plot itself is flimsy as fuck. like i did not care WHY they got attacked i just wanted that sweet sweet hurt/comfort cup of tea u feel. and after that i didnt really go for the plot too much But i did edge toward it a lot more. like i mean ultimately this is a romance like it was not intended to be plot heavy ever But it's more plot heavy than it couldve been. had i actually written it as i'd intended from the start i think it wouldve gotten old really fast. like nothing but lighthearted domesticity doesnt make sense in this context. for the first few chapters it doesnt necessarily kill the whole thing imo because like. that's the first few chapters. but after then if there was never any ~deeper thoughts~ i think it wouldve gotten reductive super fast.

hmmm what else. Because i am deciding to talk too much on the internet now.

oh in theory the whole breakup arc couldve been omitted and now in retrospect im like it's hilarious that like the next chapter after they got married i immediately peppered in hints that they would break up lkajsdglaksjgdlkj like wow. That lasted a long time. but like i mean i think with them it fits that they would do something like get married before they even said that they loved each other. like i can see them doing a massive workaround instead of doing a small and simple but vulnerable thing. makes sense 2 me. and like they definitely couldve stuck together in the end but 1 theres interesting storytelling in how maybe joel was too stubborn or maybe they grew apart in certain ways or blah blah blah and 2 I JUST LOVE A GOOD BREAKUP AND THEN RETURNING TO EACH OTHER ARC OKAAAAAAAAAY. legit. favorite trope. if i ever experienced that in real life i would claw my eyes out but in fiction it makes me FERALLLL. and also like i mean i lov these two for their dumb quirks but also like it would be a lil wrong to say there wouldnt be consequences for like. Not communicating haha. also again like the world this game is put in is so full of storytelling opportunities and im like Must Take Them All. like joel is stubborn as hell and shuts down when he's overwhelmed and there is growth in the first game (and in the second too but thats not really shown as much and is more left for the player to fill in the gaps i think) but also i think it would be super easy to regress in that sense and i had fun with putting him in those situations. and it's also super fun to have an additional person for the joel and ellie plots to bounce off of. like joel and ellie are two very stubborn people and having an extra person there to be like You Blithering Idiots has been a good time. im getting sidetracked. like it was fun to answer the question of how these two in a marriage neither of them can fully substantiate would communicate in hard times and the answer i personally found was that they both would end up breaking things. which was fun to write!!!!!!!!! but in theory couldve been prevented. maybe i just cant imagine this a different way haha. like Joel And Tess Learn Healthy Communication Skills Over Time. am i mean for saying that doesnt sound probable aldskjgalskdjgslkgj

OH LMAO THE MARRIAGE PART. that was also a big decision i guess. i wouldnt make it go differently alksdjglasdjg like. i definitely couldve written the context around that many different ways bc again this whole is full of opportunity But a frankly premature wedding just feels right to me. especially with like going from being stuck on survival to being safe for the first time in decades. and then having that sense of safety get boring and wondering why there was that super fast wedding in the first place. cant really imagine it going differently

there is later unposted stuff that could def have gone many different ways and that i tried to make go different ways but that would not be right to talk about akldsjaslkgdjsg so.

this got too long sorry <3