#but also shell need fits so this will be expensive

[paradisecitizens]

is dropping like $300 on a custom blythe doll that'll be like 10 times prettier than me worth it???

[reddpenn]

Here is a potentially silly question: how do you feel about birthstones? Do you think they fit the months (by season or astrological sign)? Do you have other stones you'd rather see as birthstones?

Okay, so, birthstones make absolutely no sense.

I mean, look at this mess. We’re doing beryl and corundum twice! I get that they get Special Different Names for their Special Different Colors, but it's just lazy. And why are we giving some months cheap, common gemstones like garnet and amethyst while the poor June birthdays have to shell out tens of thousands of dollars for FREAKING ALEXANDRITE? That’s incredibly unfair! We should be picking birthstones that are all roughly the same price. And why do some months get multiple gemstones? I’ll tell you why: because nobody can agree on an official list and every attempt to standardize this thing has just added MORE birthstones to every month.

So obviously the answer is to standardize it again, by throwing out everything and starting over. Here are our goals:

Fair pricing. You should be paying roughly the same amount regardless of what month you were born in. We’re getting rid of those ridiculous outliers like diamond and alexandrite.

More customization potential! Nobody should be stuck with a stone they hate. We’re picking gemstones that come in multiple colors or varieties, so that everyone can choose a variant they like.

Wearability. Some birthstones are too fragile to be worn as jewelry. We need to replace them with stronger stuff.

No more duplicate gemstones. Every month gets a stone or family of stones with a unique chemical composition.

Now without further ado, I present to you:

The New And Improved List Of Birthstones With No Problems Or Flaws That Everyone Will Definitely Agree On And We Can Start Using Right Now Immediately

JANUARY: GARNET

I've got no problem with garnet. It's a fine, classic birthstone, so January can keep it. But I would like to see a little more garnet diversity. January birthdays shouldn’t be confined to just red. The garnet family of minerals contains a rainbow of different colors, like orange hessonite, green uvarovite, pink rhodolite, yellow grandite, and many more. They’re all garnet, so we should be wearing them all!

FEBRUARY: QUARTZ

The original birthstone of February was amethyst, which is… kinda boring. Super cheap and common and you only get one color? No, we can do better. February gets ALL the quartzes now. Keep wearing amethyst if you want, but also feel free to branch out into clear quartz, citrine, rose quartz, smoky quartz, rutilated quartz, tiger eye… actually, take all the agates too. If it’s quartz, it’s yours!

MARCH: SPODUMENE

March was originally aquamarine, but I’ll be giving all the beryls to May, so we need a different stone here. Let’s stick with that theme of pale pastels and go with spodumene. For an April birthday, bedeck yourself in green hiddenite, pink kunzite, or yellow triphane. Despite its subtle colors, your birthstone has some amazing fluorescence, with really cool pinks and oranges under a UV light.

APRIL: FELDSPAR

Diamond is too pricy for this list, so we’re replacing it with something less expensive and way more interesting. April will now be represented by the feldspar family. We’re talking labradorite, moonstone, amazonite, aventurine, and sunstone. While you don’t have much variety in color, your stones are full of shimmery schiller which glitters and shifts as it catches the light.

MAY: BERYL

May’s original birthstone was emerald, which is great and can stay, but we’re also adding its siblings! May is now represented by all beryls: Emerald, Aquamarine, Morganite, Bixbite, Heliodor, Goshenite, and whatever other varieties I’m forgetting to list. A bright and saturated rainbow of colors is represented here, so everyone born in May is sure to find something they like.

JUNE: ORGANIC GEMSTONES AND FOSSILS

It’s time to address the alexandrite in the room, and obviously we’re getting rid of alexandrite. A stone worth $15,000 to $70,000 a carat does not belong on the same list as friggin amethyst. Instead we’ll look at the other traditional June birthstone, pearl. The problem with pearl is that it’s a clear outlier in this list. An organic gemstone, by some definitions not even a mineral. Should we replace it? NO. We are OWNING it. All organic gemstones now belong to June. Pearl is joined here by jet, amber, coral, ivory, ammolite, petrified wood… in fact, June can have every fossil ever.

JULY: SPINEL

July was originally represented by ruby, which is a fine stone and won’t be kicked off the birthstone list - we’re just shuffling it down to September. Replacing ruby for July is spinel. (See, it’s funny because historically spinel has often been mistakenly identified as ruby! That's a little gemology humor for you.) Available in any hue you could possibly desire, spinel offers some nice color options to a month that previously only featured red. Of course if you want to keep wearing red, red spinel mimics ruby so well that you’ll barely notice the difference.

AUGUST: PERIDOT

Nope, we’re not changing this one. Peridot is the ideal gemstone and you ungrateful August whiners can die mad about it. HOW ABOUT YOU LEARN TO APPRECIATE PERFECTION

SEPTEMBER: CORUNDUM

Sapphire is a wonderful, classic stone and it deserves its spot on this list. But the corundum family has been separated for far too long, and we’re finally going to reunite them. Joining sapphire in September is its sister ruby. Between the pinks and reds of ruby and the many, many colors of sapphire, these two stones give September a nice variety of colors.

OCTOBER: TOURMALINE

Look, as gorgeous as opal is and as much as I love it, it is both way too pricy for our list and also TERRIBLE in jewelry. This stone is just too brittle to wear around from day to day and can be ruined just by getting it wet, which makes wearing your birthstone a huge hassle. We’ll kick opal out and hang on to October’s other traditional birthstone, tourmaline. Pink tourmaline may be classic, but this stone comes in plenty of other colors. Whether it’s brown dravite, watermelon elbaite, or the rare and beautiful blue indicolite, you can wear them all!

NOVEMBER: TOPAZ

November can keep topaz, but we’re not confining it to the color yellow. This stone comes in a huge variety of colors, and now they can ALL represent November. No further notes; it’s a nice, classic stone.

DECEMBER: ZIRCON

I dunno, I’ve had to come up with 12 of these, I’m burnt out. Sure, zircon, whatever.

“BUT WAIT,” you say. “Now instead of having a single color assigned to each month, almost every month is represented by almost every color, making it impossible to tell anyone’s birthstones apart and removing what made them special and recognizable as symbols!”

Well CLEARLY you didn’t read the title of this list.

[arkhammaid]

— ˚₊‧⁺˖ OF DRAGON BEHAVIOUR AND OLDE TRADITIONS. 

fandom. genshin impact

pairings. neuvillette, zhongli x gn!reader

content warnings. sfw + nsfw, MINORS & AGELESS BLOGS DNI, heavily influenced by 'dragon' behaviour (is a bit leaned on a/b/o), 5 + 1 fic type (the + 1 is nsfw), possessive neuvie/zhongli, sfw: collaring, scenting, marking, nsfw: nesting, both of them have big dicks lol, talk about breeding, not edited/proofread, written in lowercase

word count. 1.8k

notes. i'm so down bad...

— ˚₊‧⁺˖ flaunting. 

once a dragon is mated, they like to show off their mate proudly. to enhance their physical aspects and to proclaim their trust in them, mates get draped in the dragon’s treasures. treasures this mythical beast usually hoards with jealousy. the shinier and bigger the treasures, the higher is the mate in social standing. 

neuvillette is less lavish with his treasures, simply because his priorities in his riches lay elsewhere. this is why you often where the brightest pearls, adoring your neck or shiny shells around your wrists. he enhances your beauty much subtler, but nonetheless you’re still worthy to be called his mate. after all, he’s a dragon of water, it’s only right for him to drape you in the gifts of the sea. 

zhongli prefers you in the finest silk and your skin adored with gold and other treasures found in the rich land that belongs to him. as a dragon of earth and especially as geo archon, all the gems are crafted in the most beautiful jewelry. everything to enhance your beauty. he especially likes you in cor lapis, a jewel in a color that he claims as his— and seeing you in this soft hue of orange swells pride in him. 

— ˚₊‧⁺˖ collaring. 

collaring can be seen as a step further of flaunting. the dragon creates an individual collar for their mate, to not only protect one of the weakest points of their body, their neck, but to also immediately signal that they belong to them. it signals protection and ownership, which is why mates rarely part with their gifted collars,as they’re also the first gift they receive as a dragon’s mate.

neuvillette knows that collars, by human standards, are not something normal. this is why he takes great care to create a collar that not only shows his strength but also fits within the domain the two of you move. this is why your collar is not a traditional one, instead resembling a tight necklace adorned by pearls and silver. it’s just enough to calm his instincts but also a fashionable item— one for which you’ve received many compliments. 

zhongli on the other hand has crafted a collar of which his elders would be proud of. it’s heavy on your neck, made by his own hands and not your usual jewelry. despite that, the collar is made by the best gems and jewels zhongli could find, and of course in his colors. and to ensure you’re comfortable wearing such a heavy collar, the inner side is embellished with the most expensive velvet he could find. 

— ˚₊‧⁺˖ acknowledgement. 

another important aspect between the relationship of a dragon and their mate is the acknowledgement of the hunt. once the dragon has successfully brought home the game, it is now up to the mate to appraise said game. only once they give their approval can the food be shared between them. this also includes all their offspring. 

neuvillette is always very careful with the food he brings to you. he ensures he’s the only one touching it, as tradition demands, and satisfactory enough for your plate. to him, keeping you fed and happy is much more important than to take care of his own needs. even when you always scold him, when he neglects himself, in this aspect he won’t bulge. 

zhongli himself has a very expensive taste and only the best is just good enough for his mate. no matter what you say, he will hunt on his own and pick all the herbs and berries himself, or else he wouldn’t even present the food. your approval is the highest praise, only one of the many reasons why zhongli takes so much care and time to honor this tradition. 

— ˚₊‧⁺˖ scenting. 

scenting is one of the few habits and traditions that are more intimate. a dragon scents their mate for several reasons. firstly, it’s one of the final steps of their ‘ownership’ over the mate. clothed in their treasure but also bathed in their scent. secondly, the process itself is very calming for the dragon, almost meditative. 

neuvillette likes to scent you when he comes home. it calms not only his dragon but also his mind. because of that, he never scents you in public, thinking it as a private matter and a treasured one added to that. it’s not something others should witness— you in his arms, pliant to his nosing, his gentle kisses and nibs on your skin and especially when he removes your collar to scent you on your neck. 

zhongli, despite being an old dragon, behaves as if he’s freshly mated and a young blood when it comes to scenting you. he dislikes smelling others on you or any artificial scent that’s not you. he has no shame scenting you in public, but over the years living with you he has reduced to the almost scandalous behaviour to nothing more but scenting on your wrists and a quick nosing on your cheeks. 

— ˚₊‧⁺˖ marking. 

marking is quite similar to scenting, only this behaviour varies from dragon to dragon. for some, a so called ‘mate-bite’ is enough, others like to add new markings everytime they couple with their mate. but there are even some dragons, who enjoy being marked by their mates, a most unusual behaviour. 

neuvillette has always enjoyed marking you, but is very gentle with it. his mate-bite, another physical sign that you belong to him, is located on your right shoulder, a wound healed a long time ago. he much prefers when you mark him, your teeth sinking in his much sturdier flesh. it leaves him breathless, just the mere thought of you marking him making his head spin— he loves to leave his marks on you, but he even loves it more when you mark him, to tell the whole world that he belongs to you. 

zhongli always loves to admire the marks his sharp teeth leave behind, trace his fingers over your reddened skin— he’s fascinated by your vulnerability and your eagerness to please him. but what matters most to him is that you love to wear his marks, never hesitate to show them off by not hiding them. social decorum would demand for you to hide them away behind draped fabrics, but instead you proudly wear them, as if they’re badges of highest honor. 

— ˚₊‧⁺˖ nesting. 

as every other animal, be it mythical or not, dragons go through a cycle. at it’s highest point, their fertility is much more prominent. to ensure the increased chances of success in producing offspring, the biology of dragons demands them to nest during the cycle. if the dragon ignores this inner instinct, it grows irritated or even aggressive to everyone who is not their mate. nesting ensures the comfort of both the dragon and their mate and helps them to properly prepare for their coupling. 

the moment the first child of the couple is born, nesting becomes a daily thing until said child passes the first stages of growth. the dragon builds a nest in their den, a different one from the ones in which the parents couple, and ensures that both mate and offspring are within this nest. the warmth and scent of both parents help the child to imprint on them and to recognize them later on as their sires. 

neuvillette, when it comes to nesting, is very picky about it. his nest has to be ready before his cycle starts and you have to be in it as well, pliant and ready for him. if you’re not comfortable, he gets stressed and that doesn't end well. 

for the most part, he has his instincts under control, but when you’re in his nest, naked and flushed, he tends to get feral. and once he lets go of that tight control he has over himself and his body, the dragon in him comes out. 

his pupils turning to slits, fangs sharpening and nails becoming claws. scales appear on his skin, his horns grow— neuvillette lets go of his human skin and becomes the closest he can be to a dragon without hurting you. it always excites you, seeing your usual calm and stoic mate all excited about the thought of breeding you. 

he’s an attentive lover, even if he could just slide into your hole and start fucking you stupid. instead he takes immense care to prepare you, hours even, lips and hands leaving marks on your skin while he makes you cum on his tongue several times. 

and then, when you see stars behind your closed eyes, your thighs shake around his head and you try to calm your breath— then he slowly slides into you, his giant cock hitting you in all right places, making you scream again—

then, only then, when you’re pliant and open for him, a flushing mess beneath his massive body and moaning his name— only then he would truly start to fuck you. 

zhongli is very attentive during nesting, but especially as your lover. he always puts your needs above his, simply because he finds pleasure when you enjoy yourself. 

despite being mated for a long time, you’re always nervous about nesting, especially about the most intimate part of it. zhongli is big and it’s always a tight fit, even if he prepares you with his fingers and mouth. you’re never in pain, he wouldn’t forgive himself if he would make you cry, but you’re still understandably nervous. 

zhongli doesn’t mind it, he understands and instead makes sure you’re distracted enough to not lose yourself in spiraling thoughts. it also helps when you’re breathless from the countless orgasms he has already given you, your hole wet enough, almost gushing, so the slide is smooth and painless for you. 

and you can’t lie, you enjoy his big dick, but sometimes it’s too overwhelming. yet the many years together has taught him many tricks and especially things you enjoy. 

you flush beneath him, when he starts praising you, his rich voice causing goosebumps all over your body. you whimper, when his fangs craze over your skin and moan when he actually bites you. 

but you truly lose your mind when he starts fucking you, slow but deep thrusts, taking his time while you writhe beneath him. it seems so effortless, how he’s destroying you, as if he isn’t going crazy when his mate is in his nest, calling his name, clinging onto him, begging him to go faster, harder, begging for more. 

taglist. @trailblazernet , @themercyverse , @lem-hhn , @verxsyon , @auraxins , @lupicalbestwolf , @the-dumber-scaramouche , @spiriteddreams , @kiiyoooo , @8-xnny , @spiriteddreams

DO YOU WANT TO JOIN THE TAGLIST? please send a non-anon ask to be added to the taglist. taglist can be general taglist (all fandoms and all works), fandom taglist (all works within the fandom), series (all works for specific series) or nsfw taglist (all nsfw works and all fandoms).

ARKHAM MAID 2023

[livingdeadhorse]

idk what this is. i like robots. i’ll clean these up later. i think.

anyways while drawing these I started thinking abt like. idk does this count as an AU.

General shit:

I didn't make it clear, but the robots that have pupils were built without a hardcoded purpose. They've always been free to explore what they want to do. The robots with fully colored "scleras" were created with a purpose from the jump, so their creators didn't feel the need to make them appear more "human".

The more expensive a robot's parts are, the less clunky it is.

Right now, I'm going with "their human family built them" but that's liable to change.

The designs are also liable to change because uh. duh.

Celestia Ludenberg:

Viewed the robots with an imbued purpose as interesting and superior (something something humanity's advancement). She wants to be praised like that, so she emulates them

Her cat loves how much heat she radiates so it's always near her.

Most of her upgrades are cosmetic but if they aren't, they're stupid. She won't upgrade her CPU or her motherboard, but she'll load up with three 4090s that her other components can't even keep up with. Yes, she does it to flex.

She'll distract from bootleg, refurbished, or shoddily painted parts by turning on her RGB. It gets annoying.

She knows that she's fairly unsettling and she revels in it.

All things considered, her cable management is pretty good.

Her gambling skill is still just luck here, but she tells everyone it's because she has a never-seen-before GPU(& CPU) that does calculations at insane speeds.

Most don't believe her but have no way to disprove her lie.

Kiyotaka Ishimaru

I can't decide if he was built by his father or his grandfather.

Either way, he was built before Toranosuke's downfall, so his internals were all pretty expensive for the time. Luckily for him, that means he was slightly future-proof and has a viable upgrade path.

Unluckily for him, this means he's stuck with really old parts and his 8gb of RAM can barely keep up in a 32gb world sadge

His chassis is built from secondhand or scrap parts. It's why his joints are so ancient in comparison to the rest of him and why he has so much cabling that he can't seem to manage.

Shit chassis = shit airflow = he is always overheating

BUDDY IS YOUR CPU BURNING HOW IS THERE SMOKE

Older tech = LOUD AF. The class bought him new fans to avoid the loud ass whirring. It's not quiet but he used to sound like a jet engine.

He runs on Debian. It was originally going to be Arch since it's lightweight but Debian's whole "old but stable" reputation fits him more. I don't see him properly dealing with bleeding edge software anyways.

His room is filled with past HDDs that no longer have storage. He deems all educational material important so he refuses to delete any lessons. He doesn't have the money for SSDs.

Mukuro Ikusaba:

Is usually in reconnaissance mode, meaning she has a shit ton of hidden cameras in her chassis

This used to benefit Fenrir. Now it benefits Junko.

She can have her parts shifted around with no issue to make room for a better arsenal.

She’s durable in her reconnaissance mode but she’s nigh on untouchable in her combat mode. Her chassis gets 10x bulkier and she can split her attention to several different tasks on the battlefield.

Fenrir Mercenary Group doubles as a weapons company. Mukuro is the only model of her kind though.

They tried to give her reconnaissance model the look of a “normal girl” so she could gather info more efficiently. They failed real bad. They also didn’t account for the fact that Mukuro isn’t good at socializing.

She allocates a CPU core to a process dedicated to Junko. 24/7 365

She believes herself to be less capable of emotion than she actually is. She can’t seem to find the system process that triggers such painful emotions.

Chihiro Fujisaki

Each “fold” in her skirt doubles as a screen. Think of the skirt as having two layers: the top shell and the under shell. The top shell is what doubles as a screen.

Optimized her hardware to work on code as fast as possible (fingers, skirt, etc).

She tends to test out new software on herself regardless of their compatibility with her pre-existing shit. She constantly has to reinstall her OS, but it’s all fun for her.

Speaking of her OS, I was going to make her run on Gentoo but IDK cause of the compile times. It’d be faster if she used distcc but I can’t see her screwing over her classmates like that lol.

So I’m between Nix and Arch.

Insecure about the fact that she overhauled her original model so extensively. Got made fun of for being a ‘defective’ robot. Her father supports her modifications but she still feels bad about having ‘failed’ somehow.

Cue identity issues

She helps out her classmates when it comes to repairs.

Tendency to stay up programming leads to high uptimes. If her friends notice her lagging or crashing, they’ll try to get her to shut down. (In a computer sense lol, not an emotional shut down)

Do y’all remember the xz utils backdoor? Yeah that’s how extensively she combs through code.

Sayaka Maizono

I can’t decide if she was built to be an idol or was originally some other type of robot.

Loves to make kids smile, so she has a sort of candy mechanism in her arm.

Everything about her glows or spins. You will never get bored looking at her.

Her skirt isn’t actually see through I just didn’t feel like erasing the hip joints lmao.

If corpos give her manager enough money, she has to perform with literal ads on her.

State-of-the art facial recognition software. It makes her fans feel special to have their names remembered.

She has a regular sleep cycle due to how load-intensive her everyday life is. Has to shut down for a couple hours every week at least.

Her psychic ability is just her running a million calculations based on people’s behavior and sensing which one is most plausible. This feature is in place to avoid PR disasters during interviews or public appearances.

There really aren’t enough worker’s rights regulations in place for robots.

The company gets alerts whenever she freaks tf out, so she feels even more stifled and repressed. Chihiro helped remove this.

Kyoko Kirigiri

Can’t decide if she was built by her father or grandfather. Probably just built by Jin and he “left” her in Fuhito’s care.

Fuhito made her go through several modifications, hardcoding his own investigative skills into her system.

Her grandfather loves her but has fucked up ideas about her own autonomy.

The events of DR:K still happen. She chose not to replace her hands.

Fuhito doesn’t make much use of a backdoor in her system anymore. He used it a lot more when she was a child but he sees her as a viable heir of the Kirigiri clan now. Chihiro isolated the backdoor to a separate SSD anyhow.

Still complicated father-daughter issues

Everything about her (but her OS) is proprietary, probably commissioned from Towa Industries. Her OS is a fork of Mint. The Windows 7 UI is just because I imagine her grandfather is One of Those lmao.

Has way too many scanners and sensors. She can’t test any evidence herself but she can gather a fair bit of information. Has a vast database for cross-comparison anyways.

Same issues as Togami and Mukuro: sees herself as less capable of emotion than she actually is.

The ramen noodle incident called for actual repairs.

Byakuya Togami

His superiority complex is far worse because he was literally CREATED to be the perfect Togami. You can’t tell him shiiiiiiit.

Gold joints. Scoffs at those with unoptimized cable management or software.

He’s constantly streamlining his own processes. Brings up that he runs on his own OS when Nobody Asked.

Had a similar backdoor to Kyoko’s but Koji did check that one. Obsessively. Nobody would tell Byakuya but He Just Knew. The lack of privacy irritated him. Aloysius helped fix it once Togami finally took over.

Only trusts Aloysius with his repairs. Has a hard time admitting when he needs repairs in the first place so Aloysius hides it under “monthly maintenance”.

Does everything from the terminal even when he 1) shouldn’t and 2) can’t. Bragging rights. He has written a bunch of his own scripts though to speed things up.

Kernel and OS provided to him by Koji. (UNIX-based. Proprietary) Byakuya maintains and builds his own updates. Doesn’t trust cheapskate peasants to do it for him.

Anti-FOSS. For him at least.

Has glasses for the aesthetics. Doesn’t need them.

[roseychains]

could you maybe do relationship/nsfw headcanons for gojo and nanami. Please

Relationship and nsfw h/c for Gojo and Nanami ~

A/n: thanks for the request! This was pretty fun writing, I enjoyed it a lot and kinda went crazy ;3

C/w: fluff, sillyness. As for nsfw, written by a minor!

Sfw

Gojo

Major gift giver!! It’s his love language and he certainly has the money to do so. If he sees something that reminds him of you, he’ll buy it for you. If he thinks you’ll like it, he buys it for you. If he thinks it’s a cool thing, he’ll buy it to show you

Sooo touchy. He’s clingy and cuddly. He always has his hands on you. Holding yours, snaked around your waist, hip, around your neck, on your thigh, it doesn’t matter. He needs to hold you. When he gets home from particularly draining missions, he just wants to wrap his arms around you and sleep

Speaking of sleep, he’s really sleepy. And snores loud as fuck, almost monstrously so. That’s only for day naps, at night, he won’t let himself sleep before you are asleep

He sometimes has bad dreams, dreams where something happens to you and will wake up and pull you closer. He’s gentle enough to not wake you up but holding you is a comfort to him

Loves to take you shopping and play dress up with you. He will pick out clothes with you then send you to the changing room, and have you walk out real quick to show him how you look

He loves showering together, and he loves washing your hair for you and vice versa

You play games together, and he rages. Y’all definitely have some shared concels for playing things together, and he will throw a fit when he loses

He likes helping you cook. He will get things out for you, cut veggies and wash the dishes while you run the kitchen

But sometimes he cooks for you, doing it all in an apron that says “kiss the chef” or something cheesy

Buys you the most expensive jewelry, and urges you to wear it anytime you go out

Hugs from behind!! Lots of sneaky teasing touches. Pinches you playfully. Slaps ur ass then runs knowing your about to turn around and get his 10x harder

He acts like he’s smaller than he is. Will definitely ask to be little spoon, but you end up wrapping around him like a backpack. Sits on YOUR lap, etc

Always wants a kiss. Never let’s you leave the house without a kiss, and vise versa

He will pose for you. Pose for you to draw him, pose for pics, etc

Let’s you practice hair, nails, makeup, and anything else traditionally feminine on him. He thinks he looks fabulous

Will attempt to take bites of your food when you aren’t looking

Nanami

Such a gentlemen. He will chauffeur you everywhere, open your door for you, carry you when your feet hurt, pay for 100% of all dates, treats you like a princess

Speaking of princess treatment, he makes you breakfast in bed “just because”

Definition of a male wife. He does all the cleaning and helps with the cooking, always has the bed made and the house tidy by the time you get home

Brushes and does your hair for you, learned how to specifically for you

Such a romantic. I’m talking candle lit dinners, rose petals adorning the bedroom, bubble baths and more

Surprisingly super shy in public. You have to break him out of his shell a little bit

He secretly wears women’s perfume when he can. He thinks it smells so much nicer than cologne

Puts your needs first down to the most minimal details. Not making you sit next to strangers on trains, letting you get the entire hotel bed to yourself, letting you shower first with the hot water, etc

He takes any and all of your injuries seriously. Even a small paper cut he will have you wash and put a bandage on it to prevent infection

He also doesn’t take any risks. He makes sure anytime you guys are outside for an extended period of time that your wearing sunscreen. When you guys are in grass, he’s making sure you have on some kind of bug spray on your ankles

Brews coffee everymorning like clockwork for the both of you. He likes it black but bought a ton of stuff for you, so he makes your coffee Starbucks style the way you like it with cream and stuff

Watches you sleep, not in a creepy way. More in like your so beautiful he can’t keep his eyes off way

He’s super into yoga, will go to yoga classes with you. He’s so stiff he needs it

He reads a lot of books, and will geek out about them to you

Frequently accidently sleeps with his glasses on, you’ll wake up beside him and he will just. Have them on. And when he gets up in the morning to take them off he has red marks around his eyes

Nsfw

Gojo

Such a fucking tease. He LOVES to get you worked up before giving you what you want

Edging and overstim both ways. He loves to get you so close to that edge, then pull out and make you whine or beg for it. He also really enjoys making yoy cum over and over until your crying and pleading with him to stop. As for himself, his main motive for edging himself is to help him last longer. Lord knows he can’t stand more than 10 minutes inside you without cumming. He also loves it when you milk him for all he’s worth, ridding him into tears

Absolutely into sensory deprivation. He gets a kick out of either you, not being able to know his next move keeping you in the dark, or him, being at your mercy

Speaking of sensory stuff, he fucking loves it when you wear his blindfold. Blocking your vision, you can only feel his touches and not see them

He cums so much, everywhere all the time. His favorite place to cum has to be all over your face. Have you sucking him off, but before he cums he pulls out and jerks it a few times before painting your face with his seed. It’s so hot to him, seeing you covered in it

He might even take a picture if you let him. He’s really into picture/video taking, just to have for himself. Whenever your not there, he can pull out his file of lewd photos and videos of you two

He is soooo vocal. He’s loud and his moans are whiny. He doesn’t hold back though, he has no shame. Matter of fact he wants everyone to know what you do to him

Speaking of, he’s a bit of a risk taker. He’s not past sneaking into a changing room for you to help him with the boner he got looking at you in those clothes

While he may cum fast, he can still last several rounds without break. He is the strongest, after all

Loves oral giving and receiving because it’s so messy. He loves it when your drooling all over his cock, or when his chin is covered in your slick

He’s a switch, but when he’s on bottom he’d moan if you step on his cock. Such a slutty submissive, and a brat too. He’d do things to get you angry so you punish him for it later <3

Definitely has considered 3somes with geto, but never brought it up

I can see him being into roleplay

He’s not insanely girthy, but he is LONGG and pretty. Has a cute curve at the end that’s perfect for you

He loves fucking your tits

His fingers are slim and long, and when he fingers you he will make you see stars

Thinks it’s so hot when he gets you to squirt

Somno with consent

If you need to be clean right that moment he will do so, but aftercare with him usually he prefers to cuddle up and sleep then clean up in the morning

Nanami

Such a service dom. He’s a provider, and that nature sticks in the bedroom. He lives to please you, and will make you cum several times before even freeing his cock from his tight pants

He would definitely dabble in bdsm. Specifically, what he enjoys is bondage and brat taming

With bondage, he has it all. It may be a small fluffy pair of handcuffs binding your wrists behind your back, two a sturdy rope tying your ankles and wrists to the corner of the bed, to full on shibari, ropes all over your body

Absolutely uses his tie and/or belt to bind you

Brat taming was something you insisted, and when he tried it he found out he got a kick out of it too. It started with you teasing him all day, and when you begged him to be rough with you and put you in your place who is he to deny you?

Both kinks are done with upmost gentleness and care. Of course. He may also engage in light impact play, small spanks on your ass and even your clit. Nothing enough to hurt, just a little love tap to startle you

His hands drive you insane. His hands are so big, they wrap perfectly around your wrists, neck, hips, waist, etc. they also reach all the parts inside you just the way you like

While he often takes the leading role, he’s not opposed to letting you ride him to get yourself off when he doesn’t have the energy

He’s not very loud, mostly grunts and quite muffled moans come from him

So much praise. He’s constantly reassuring you through the whole ordeal, calling you beautiful, gorgeous, how well your doing, how good you are for him, etc

He would degrade you if you really wanted. Again, you’d have to tell him because he wouldn’t ever say such things to you but when your begging him to say mean things to you, he’s nothing but a pleaser

Cockwarming is a big turn on. He’s a busy man, so when he has work to do but you wanna get off, he will let you sit on his cock

Similarly, he also likes watching you ride his thigh. Your wet pussy grinding up and down on his clothed leg does something to him

Aftercare god. As soon as you guys are done he’s running a bath, carrying you to it, washing you off as you just lay back. After he drys you off, he’s carrying you back to the bed and wrapping you with his arms

[monstersinthecosmos]

Marius and Armand taking a romantic vacation cruise somewhere where Marius introduces him to everyone on the ship as “my son”. They even go so far as to do all the corny planned activities and he says things like “that���s my boy” or “he gets his aim from my side of the family”. Then at night they go to the dance floor where they spend the the entire time dancing and slowing rubbing against each other and sucking drinks from one another’s fingers before retreating back to their cabin to have very loud sex with the door to their balcony and all the windows open. The next day they wear matching family vacation tees with some god awful font saying Team De Romanus on them for when they go ashore

I feel like you’re fucking with me because I used to work on cruise ships and you have no idea how many sugar baby couples I used to see and how we always had to feel them out the first day and figure out if it was a parent/child or if it was a couple except some of them hit the skimpy outfits and public makeout HARD so there was no mystery.

anyway thinking about the time I had to deliver a package to a guest room and it was the very handsome and fit 55 year old silver fox with his 19 year old boyfriend who wore very short shorts the whole cruise and how he came to answer he door all flushed in a bathrobe with the young man barely covered by a sheet in bed behind him 😂

he tipped really well, it was the best.

anyway you’re quite right; I imagine them in one of the more expensive cruise lines where there isn’t rowdy partying like seabourne or something, probably one with lots of sea days and less ports because he likes the feeling of drifting out there and can take Armand to visit these cities any time they want, no need to cram them all into one trip. He definitely shelled out for the spa packages and pays for Armand to get his hair cut and he’s never gotten an expensive haircut before where it was so relaxing to have people touch his scalp.

he also pays for dinner in the speciality restaurants every night instead of using the dining room where the food was included in ship fare; they get the dim candlelight corner tables so he can hand feed Armand, and Armand touches Marius’s cock under the table, they get drunk on fancy wine and the sommelier knows Marius’s name and gives him all the best first picks because he’s such a generous tipper.

more than one night he gave armand head up on the forward top deck when no one around so that armand could lay back in the deck chairs and watch the stars! He’s never been treated like this beofre!

anyway armand is young and reckless and gets a little too drunk most nights; marius fucks him gently so he doesn’t get the spins, it’s really nice with the way the ship rocks. He never feels seasick, more like he’s being cradled to sleep.

and you know armand sleeps in every morning and Marius is out having his coffee on the deck and attending all the scenic cruise lectures ! He loves educational stuff!!!

anyway listen. I could say more but. 🥸

[cumulo-stratus]

BAU autism headcannons

(GIF NOT MINE)

(male reader)

CW: possible swearing, mentions of meltdowns and overstimulation, lemme know if theres anything else!

A/N: sry i havent rly posted in a while, i started a school recently and its been a rly big change for me so ive just been emotionally/mentally exhausted like all the time, but i dont wanna abandon u guys so i decided i would get something up, even if its not super good, thanks for y’all’s understanding <3

i think both JJ and Emily would become sort of mothers to reader

(not that they werent already mothers to the rest of the team but reader especially)

like JJ would totally have a motherly instinct for readers needs (like a sort of spider sense)

like if your ever nervous about something being too much or being overwhelming, jj would kinds know this and either make arrangements for accommodations or make sure you know you dont have to go if you want to.

and like she definitely wold put herself in charge of keeping your safe foods stashed on the jet and at the office

emily is more of a mother in a protective way than jj is

like this girl will not hesitate at all to go off on someone for maybe being disrespected to about stimming your chair while thinking

or like if you dont want to shake a police officers hand when your being introduced, and you get dirty/weird looks for it, or anyone comments on it? BOOM this girl will stare at them with so much animosity they’ll be scared of her shes so hot oml

anyways i thinks he team would be super accepting of you, especially if you joined after reid like they would already have some experience with autism

and like if you weren’t ent comfortable telling anyone other than hotch(i feel like it would be like a in ur file thing idk how the government works tho) spencer would defo be able to tell and confront u privately abt it (our respectful king <3)

and if you are comfortable telling the team, everyone would be respectful

i think like rossi/gideon would be a little clueless but like trying their hardest

like rossi would have no idea what stimming is but understands that like you move in certain ways or make certain noises when ur excited

and like with all his money he wouldnt hesitate to spoil u with any fidget toy u need/want or like a rly nice weighted blanket (its insane how expensive those things are)

and like gideon despite his profound understanding of others (hope yall got that ;)) he wouldn’ t get why sometimes you dont feel like/cant talk but totally respects it

omg garcia is our autism ally QUEEN im telling you

always has a big basket of fidgets/stim toys sitting on her desk and when your having a rough day shell leave you a little goodie in a brightly colored and decorated bag

i firmly believe that she is the queen at finding brands with clothes that not only fits your style perfectly but is also sensory friendly

i think she would definitely say that if she never ended up working in the FBI she wouldve started a clothing shop for sensory friendly clothing/accessories

spencer would totallllyyyy be your best friend when it comes to being under-stimulated

he will totally info dump on you and vice-versa

spencer (like penlope) would totally recommend clothing brands that are sensory friendly, but sock brands in particular

and everyone makes fun of you for nerding out over everything

also spencer would definitely get in the habit of grabbing your hands in his when you start to pick a t your nails and cuticles

like he didnt even realize what he was doing the first time but now he does it without thinking about it and for the team its normal

“hey,” and he would gently grab your hands to stop you from picking at them

“sorry..”

”youve nothing to be sorry for” (with that little reid smile oml rf[osifjgturhv)

and i also firmly believe that morgan is the best people to go to if your having a meltdown

he would stop you from harmfully stimming

“hey sugar, unclench those pretty little hands for me. there we go… good job kid.” he would have the softest smile and voice

and when he takes your hands to stop you from hitting yourself his grip is rly firm but gentle

but hotch is the best to go to for when your overstimulated

like he would make sure you know his office is always a quiet place you can go to with out questions

and he would secretly have a stash of like stimm toys in his office that he stole from garcia

his couch is always open to you, especially like late at night if you are really tired his fatherly instincts will kick in and force you to come to his office for a break

he would would hand you and blanket and a stim toy

”sit. sleep”

thats all he would say in his cute little stern but actually caring voice <3

[sarnai4]

Butt of the Joke

Something I enjoy in stories is when you can laugh at and with a character. To me, it keeps them from seeming too "important" or flawless. We all make mistakes and being able to laugh at ourselves is nice. That's why I like when they do this with Dagur, but the method is very different from what's done to Snotlout. Something I will probably always be grateful for is that Dagur is a show character and not a movie character. Those in the movies (the rest of the Riders anyway in my opinion) had their development stunted. I'm convinced that the first movie didn't expect the franchise to get as big as it did and just needed some other people to fill out the cast. Unfortunately, they also didn't expect the shows to be super popular. So, Snotlout in HTTYD 3 is still immature enough to flirt with the widowed mom of one of his best friends when RTTE Snotlout would understand how inappropriate that is. All that's to say that the jokes for Snotlout are often at the expense of his character because he still has to end up at whatever point he's at in the movies.

I believe it's in "Shell-Shocked" that there's a joke about Snotlout suggesting they all leave the Edge and run, leaving it for the Hunters. Okay, yes, I chuckled too because it is funny to have a character be so openly fearful. Yet, this doesn't make sense for him at this point. We're on the season 4 finale of a show that happened 2 seasons after the first series. Snotlout should know by now that leaving the same Hunters who had been willing to kill them and a ship of innocent people with a disease can't be left to their own devices. Why wouldn't he want to stay and fight? Even if it's dangerous, of course the villains are going to keep coming for them. Hiccup rightfully points out that they'll just go on to Berk, but why did he have to say this? Snotlout should have known, but the joke was made without considering how much he'd grown and his own bravery and intelligence.

There seems to be a thing about Snotlout being cowardly, but I really don't think he is. In "Gold Rush," there's a wordless joke where he's just screaming his lungs out after getting captured. Not saying he hasn't shrieked when plummeting to what could be death and that's totally fine, but here? Eh, I don't think so. I feel like there would be enough bad blood between him and the Hunters by now so that he wouldn't want to give them the satisfaction of knowing how scared he is. It's also horribly futile. He's gone to save Fishlegs, the twins, and Astrid before. He knows the Hunters won't release them and nothing is even happening besides his cage being moved. I'm probably overthinking these moments, but they annoy me since they paint Snotlout as pathetic when we then see him enter a 21 vs 2 fight in "Something Rotten on Berserker Island" fearlessly. Is he a scaredy cat or not? I just want some consistency, then I'd accept whatever fit with the character I'd been shown.

Dagur's saved from this since all his development is in the show. He's not held back by the movies. So, when there's a joke at his expense, it doesn't contradict anything. I'll try to make the examples as similar as possible for comparability. Dagur's got a joke involving saying the wrong thing and it was in "Mi Amore Wing." He's proposing to have Hiccup be his best man. Yes, this is clearly a unique way to ask someone, but it's also not contradicting anything about Dagur. He's got 0 skills with picking up on social cues and responding to things the way other Vikings generally would. It's also very possible that he's never seen anyone be asked to become a best man before, so he's doing what he thinks is a good way to show he's sincere and would really be happy. I don't leave the scene thinking, "Now, why would he say that, though?" Because he's Dagur. That's enough of a reason.

Dagur's got a scared joke too in "Enemy of My Enemy." When he was on Toothless's saddle, he was terrified and the scream made it pretty clear. This made sense because there was something happening at that moment. It wasn't Dagur letting his enemies see his weakness. It was him being on a dragon for the first time, going very quickly, and not knowing what he was doing. He's even thrown off the saddle as soon as Toothless lands in another moment I thought was funny. It doesn't make him look bad, but we can still laugh at his incompetency in this area.

Both of these characters have several physical gags too where one of them gets hurt and I will admit that those always get me to laugh. It's just times like those I've mentioned for Snotty that disappoint me. I really like him too. I think if he were allowed to be a more respectable character, it would be great. Dagur proves the writers know how to do that. We can laugh at him without him doing anything that opposes what they've set up. On the other side of this, Snotlout will act one way, then contradict the very personality we just saw him develop. I can't think of a single time when I couldn't explain one of Dagur's actions through use of his personality. I think that's how it should be. If it's in-character, then it makes sense. If not, then maybe the scene should be worked on a bit longer for this to be fixed.

[godesssiri]

10 Thrifting Tips – Part ? I lost count just check my thrifting tag

1) Make friends with the staff. If you go into a particular thrift store frequently it’s well worth it to get friendly with the staff. Ask them about their day, chat with them about what you’re buying, infodump if you’ve found something exciting and unusual. When the staff get to know you and know what you buy they’ll start pointing out things in the store that have come in since the last time you were there, that fit your interests. They may even start putting things aside for you. Recently I walked into my favorite thrift store and had 2 separate staff members say ‘Oh I’ve got something for you’. Plus having the staff greet you by name and having little inside jokes with them just makes the whole experience more fun.

2) Brita jugs turn up at the thrift store frequently. If tap water in your area is safe but has A Taste, keep an eye out at the thrift store.

3) Coffee making equipment. Capsule coffee makers, the wire racks that hold the capsules, French presses, these all get donated frequently. The occasional espresso machine comes in – and goes out very quickly. Now and then you’ll find pour-over coffee equipment. If you like your bean juice you can get the equipment you need to make fancy bean juice at the thrift store.

4) Handmade pottery mugs. Story time: About 6 or 7 years ago I went into a thrift store and someone had obviously just cleaned out their mug cupboard and donated a pile of handmade pottery. I bought 4 because I thought they were cool, very tactile, nice to hold. This AWOKE something in me. Humans have used handmade pottery for thousands of years and there’s something about holding a handmade mug that sparks a genetic memory of warmth and comfort. Pottery also has much better thermal properties than mass produced ceramic, hot stays hot longer and vice versa with cold. Build up a little collection of handmade pottery mugs from the thrift store, each one has its own personality and it brings joy using them.

5) In the same vein: teaspoons. Build up a collection of fun teaspoons and take joy from using different ones depending on your mood. I have one with an owl on the end and another with a rose, a brass one with a wiggly handle in the shape of a snake, one that has the branding of an airline that now only uses wooden stirrers - probably because people kept pocketing the stainless-steel teaspoons (I always wanted to steal one as a child but never had the nerve). Whenever I need a teaspoon it’s always a little endorphin boost to open the drawer and select the perfect one for today.

6) If you need something to do a specific job, be patient, you will find the perfect thing eventually. I switched to solid shampoo and my old soap dish wasn’t big enough to hold my shampoo bar and my regular soap, so I waited and watched and found the perfect little glass tray that was exactly the right size and fits perfectly on the shelf in my shower. I could have bought a brand new made-for-that-purpose multi soap holder, but it wouldn’t have been as cool looking and when I’m done with it, it wouldn’t necessarily get another life.

7) Gift supplies. Thrift stores often have a selection of unused gift wrap, bags, bows, cards. It’s worth it to sift through what they’ve got and buy any you think you might use – even if you don’t have an immediate use for it. That stuff can get expensive so if you can create a small stash then, when you need it, you won’t have to shell out $$.

8) Look for things that can be made over – or thrift flipped as the DIY content creators like to say. There’s so much satisfaction from looking at something that was plain ugly when you bought it and you’ve turned it into something pretty. It doesn’t need to be a major transformation that requires 5 different power-tools and 100 bucks worth of supplies. It can be as simple as a lick of paint, but every time you look at you will feel good about it.

9) Sometimes it’s worth buying something that’s just really cool and figuring out a use for it later. I bought the coolest little silver plated mustard pot; it has 3 legs and at the top of each leg is a lion head. Do I eat mustard much? No. Did I know what the heck I would use it for? No. I get bad indigestion and keep antacids on hand, I hate how once you tear open the roll, they tend to spill everywhere so I like to put them in something. Guess what holds exactly one roll of antacids? If something is just freaking awesome but you don’t know what you’d use it for, you will find a use (and it will be so much cooler than anything else you might have bought for that purpose).

10) Use the fancy stuff. Don’t ever look at something in a thrift store and think: that’s too fancy, I’ll never use it. If it’s not bought and used it ends up in landfill. Save it from the landfill and use it. Today I bought the most OTT fancy silver pepper shaker to sit next to my stove and hold ground pepper for cooking with, one of my housemates never puts the damn pepper back in the cupboard when he’s finished with it, so now we have this ostentatious silver shaker next to the stove top. One of my dogs can be relied upon to get half of his food on the floor before he hoovers it up, I could have got a plastic mat to feed him on but I had a spare thrifted marble cutting/serving board (I have a problem, I own 3, I have so much trouble resisting them), and another plus - he can’t destroy it like he would a plastic mat. I keep my toothbrush in a crystal bud vase. I decant my micellar water into a bottle shaped like a seahorse. I eat off pretty vintage pink glass plates. Using the fancy stuff from thrift stores both helps you romanticize your own life and it gives these items another life. Do be sensible though, some items made before the early 1970s including glassware and dinnerware contain lead in the decoration so do your due diligence and be safe.

[audrey-carr1]

Prize (part 1)

Part 1 | Part 2

Summary: Henrietta is always one step ahead of Elias, and he hates it. Just when he thinks he has the upper hand, Hetty shows him up once more.

warnings/tags: fem!reader, EliasxReader (I know gross! nothing happens between them though, HettyxReader, AU, everyone is alive!

word count: 1.5k+

Want to read on AO3? Here

You barely have the chance to close the door, before you are pushed up against the wall. Her lips attack yours as her hands grasp your hips. 

“You haven’t even told me your name,” You say when her lips leave yours to place kisses on any open skin. Your knees nearly buckle when she finds a sensitive spot right behind your ear. Your hands reach out to hold her to help steady yourself. 

“You do not need to know my name,” The woman says trying to go back to what she was doing.

“Well, what am I supposed to call out when you have you have me writhing in a fit of passion?” You ask hoping she might say something.

“Oh, she is a cheeky one,” Hetty thinks to herself. 

“I’m sure you’ll think of something, kitten,” The woman purrs in your eye. 

“Do you know how sexy your voice is?” You gasp when she licks the shell of your ear. 

“So I have been told,” She says pulling away from you and bringing you towards her bedroom.

____________________________________________________________

The first time you met Elias you wish you were a bit charmed. He was a smooth talker, and you enjoyed the attention he was giving you. Against your better judgment, you continued to see him. The two of you have been seeing each other for three months, and Elias takes care of you well. He showers you with gifts and lets you stay in his penthouse apartment while you try to land your big break as an actress. Many times Elias has tried to kiss you, but you dodge them easily. You tell him that it will take more than a few gifts to earn a kiss from you. 

“Oh, you’re playing hard to get. I like this game. Just know that I will spare no expense,” He says one night before leaving the penthouse. 

Though you still weren't sure of him things have been going well. At least until you noticed his face in the paper with another woman on your morning walk.

You snatch the paper from the stand as you study the picture. His arm wrapped around the other woman possessively. The woman's face in a tight smile waving to the cameras. Upon reading the article you realize that this woman was actually his wife, Henrietta Woodstone. The picture was taken at a gala, the same night that Elias sent you long-stemmed roses because he had to cancel your plans abruptly. Upon further inspection of the picture, you realize this is the woman you slept with a week ago. You slept with the wife of the man who has made you the object of his affection. “What kind of twilight zone shit did I get myself into?” You ask yourself.

You return the paper to the stand and continue your walk back to the apartment. You enter the apartment building and make a beeline to the elevator. You barely make it to the elevator when the doors slide back open. As you enter the elevator, you look up from your phone to thank the person who held the elevator for you. You cannot hold back the loud gasp when you lock your eyes with a familiar set of sapphire blue eyes. Losing your senses, your phone slips from your hands. "How much clumsier can I get," You ask yourself.

“Holy shit! I mean you’re…” You can barely form a sentence as you are face to face with none other than the pictured woman from earlier standing in front of you. “You really are beautiful.”

“Oh, so you can form a sentence. It is nice to know that my husband’s mistress is an educated one. Also word of advice, flattery will get you nowhere my dear, especially in your predicament,” The woman quickly bends her knees to pick up my phone and holds it out for me to grab it, “Get in, I believe we are both making the penthouse stop,”  

You grab the phone from her hands and immediately throw it in your purse. You needed both hands free in case she tried to kill you. “Oh my gosh what if she tries to kill me!” You think to yourself. 

The elevator seems to climb ever so slowly to the top floor. The two of you stand in silence, as the elevator climbs to the top floor at what seems like a snail's pace. When the elevator finally does reach the penthouse, Henrietta glides out with ease leaving you behind. 

“Do not dawdle, enter” she drawls, “I do not have time for games.”

You drag your feet from the elevator and enter the penthouse. Your eyes are trained on the woman’s movements as she walks towards the bar. You make your way over to her direction, she is still looking for something behind the bar by the time you approach. 

“Sit,” She says. 

You do as you are told, absolutely captivated by the woman in front of you. If she were turned around, you would be able to see her smirk at your obedience. 

“I am going to have fun with this one,” Hetty says to herself searching for a bottle of wine.

She finally spies the bottle of wine she has been looking for, and grabs it from its shelf. She places it in the quick chiller and grabs two wine glasses and places them in front of us. 

“I assume you are okay with a pink moscato? We might as well have something to enjoy while we talk this out,”

“You want to talk?”

“I believe that is what I said. Now pink Moscato okay? I do not mind chilling another bottle, I am sure he has told you that you can have whatever it is you want,”

“Pink Moscato,” You repeat.

“Oh dear, I believe you must be in shock. Not to worry as you are not the first mistress I have encountered. I will say you are one of the prettier ones,” Henrietta says taking the wine from the chiller and pouring it into the glasses.

“You think I’m pretty?” I ask.

“If you are going to parrot everything I say then-”

You finally snap out of it, “I am sorry. You are right I am in shock, because there is no way I am in a penthouse with the wife of my -”

“Boyfriend?” Henrietta tries to answer for you. 

You make a face and she laughs. 

“You two are not official? Are you some long-term escort or something? Is he one of your top clients? Is that what I was to you?” Henrietta asks. 

“Clients? No! I met him at one of my auditions,” You clarify. 

“You’re a showgirl? This just keeps getting better,” Henrietta downs her glass in one go. 

“Okay, I know you have the right to be the pissed-off wife. I am not negating that, but I need some filler as to what is going on because I think I might have a coronary,” You grab the glass of wine taking a swig.

“Well we do not want that,” Henrietta says pouring herself another glass, “Why don’t I start from the beginning.”

_END_

A/N: I have no clue what I am going to call this! Any ideas? Anyway please do not hate me for the EliasxReader pairing. It isn't and will not go anywhere lol. I am also on AO3 as Deviously_Elegant! I will be posting both here and there.

[da3drat]

MERI. OUTFIT. REFSHEET.

I legitimately thought this was going to kill me ! I am simply not that good at coming up with outfits and I am really struggling to wrap my head around the fashion aesthetics of Morrowind. Also I think a lot of the vibe is built via armor (big pauldrons, bonemold armor), and Meri uhhh doesn't wear any. Talking a bit about each outfit under the cut<3

tattoos: designs are in the top left corner; the first one is the constellation of the lovers birth sign and the second is a wolf skull. The constellation is on her chest, she chose it because that was her daughter's birth sign. The wolf skull is on her right hip.

underwear: I think these underwear are the most expensive item of clothing Meri buys on a regular basis. I imagine that most common kinds of undergarments you see in game are a sensory nightmare for her, so she shells out the extra septims to get some that are silky and fit her comfortably. Probably of altmer make.

casual/around town: this is the closest to what she wears in game. Not much to say about it, the shirt is a mix of two extravagant shirts.

travel 1: lightweight and practical travel clothes for the more comfortable climates of southern Vvardenfell. The gold necklace she is wearing here and in the first outfit is the soldier's coin you get at the Ghostgate. Meri travels mostly unarmored, but does wear one heavy armored gauntlet which she primarily uses for emergency blocking.

travel 2: THIS ONE WAS FUN. I love ponchos, wraps, and shawls so I knew I wanted her in a big comfy woven one. The one she wears here was a gift from Nibani Maesa. I was inspired by Tibetan hooded shawls specifically, especially in the pattern. Also the goggles are dwemer make! She found them in a ruin- they are vision enhancing which makes them doubly useful during ash storms.

formal: okay. this one is not lore accurate. I really struggled with it because 1) I hate most of the nice clothes in game and 2) I had a hard time coming up with a silhouette I thought suited Meri. I wanted it to be masc while still definitively being women's clothing, and I wanted to use purple to signify the quality and expense. I really tried with this one, there are elements of it I like, but I think it needs a couple more pass overs before I'll be happy with it. Consider this fit under construction. The pin in her hair is a moon and star.

Nerevarine Drip: Had to do at least one outfit with Wraithguard ofc, and I included the Teeth of the Urshilaku as well. This is by far the most dramatic silhouette which I think is fitting for an end game look. Those are pants under there btw. I know it looks like a skirt but it's just wide legged pants.

Ty for reading :D

[mangatxt]

it was either you or someone else who left a tag about android serizawa on a post i saw and i have not stopped thinking about him since he has been haunting my every waking second. if it wasn't you feel free to ignore this but if it was i Need to know about him

hey hal! hope you're doing well :D thanks for sending this. yup, that was me. oh boy, am i not Normal about him!

ALSO @crownorclover ain't Normal about him either. they have added so much time and thought to the AU too (hi rob bless u for putting up with me <3)

some backstory: android AU serizawa is actually part of an overall post-apocalyptic AU i had intended to complete for an AU Roulette 2023 prompt. unfortunately, i missed the deadline for that this month because i broke my tailbone. unlucky. but deadlines aside -- i'll still get back to it when i'm healed up enough to sit and write, because i NEED THESE THOUGHTS OUT OF MY HEAD IMMEDIATELY.

i wanted to write a post-apocalyptic AU with an iyashikei/healing/hurtcomfort type of feel. ecological collapse but lo-fi girl vibes. yokohama kaidashi kikou / yokohama shopping log is one of my favorite manga of all time and fits the bill exactly, so i was ecstatic to blend two of my favorite things ever.

for the uninitiated, that manga is written in episodic chapters and follows the day-to-day life of a humanoid android named alpha who is abandoned by her owner to run a seaside cafe in post-apocalyptic japan.

(i got excited so this got looooong. more + images under the cut!)

in episodic chapters, alpha interacts with the small collective of people and androids around her, and the narrative follows how humanity adapts to the reality around them, bands together as an inter-generational community, and still lives meaningfully and intentionally -- even in the absence of hope.

(also. i mean. you see the vision here.)

for the fic, i want to mix a good amount of YKK's overall vibe with MP100 canon. like YKK, the fic will be from the POV of serizawa, an advanced and immortal android running a cafe as the tides rise, the infrastructure crumbles, and the people around him continue to relentlessly age.

at the beginning of the fic, serizawa is on year ten of abandonment by his mysterious owner but still holds out hope that The President will return someday despite waning correspondence. in his daily life, he runs an aging rural seaside cafe that few visit (that is, aside from the insistent kurata tome, who would like serizawa's help finding merfolk and other ocean cryptids). he does not go out of his way to make connections with people whom he knows he will ultimately outlive. more than that, he deliberately isolates himself as much as possible to avoid it entirely and passively observes the world around him. he lives as efficiently as possible in a hazy, numb autopilot with no wasted motion and little room for function outside cafe responsibilities, even at the expense of coming off "uncanny" to potential patrons. he even falls into a cosmetic state of disrepair because he doesn't really see the point of his outer shell when it doesn't impede overall functionality. and while he doesn't know the purpose for his creation -- in general, he remains stubbornly committed to directives from an owner who never intended to return.

meanwhile, infrastructure failure displaces much of the human populace in seasoning city with catastrophic flooding and hazardous conditions. reigen -- injured and separated from mob, ritsu, and ekubo in the ensuing chaos, and completely wracked with guilt for his inability to change things -- follows rumors that the brothers survived on a boat to cuticle city and decides to risk the dangerous moped journey across the inhospitable terrain. he ends up literally crashing near the cafe -- where tome finds him and calls in serizawa for help. serizawa treats reigen's injuries, and, because reigen has nowhere else to go and can't continue his journey with a broken hand, allows reigen to stay at the cafe while he recuperates.

there's an inherent friction between the two of them in the early days of this arrangement. reigen's frustration and self-loathing for the present circumstances make him prickly; serizawa tries his utmost to keep his emotional and physical distance. they wrangle with a lot of human & android differences. initially, the more they learn of each other, the less they understand. serizawa calculates the chance of the kageyamas survival as near zero and thinks reigen is irrational for going as far as he does for a rumor -- wasting what little time he has. reigen scoffs at serizawa's misplaced eternal loyalty to an owner who has surely forgotten him entirely at the expense of enjoying his life.

as time passes and reigen works in the cafe, they start to gain an understanding and eventually, an appreciation for one another. reigen's appearance in the community brings in curious customers, which forces serizawa to open up to the idea that cherishing the small moments and departures from his programmed routine might make more meaning out of his immortal existence.

anyway, that's the gist of it! i don't want to give away the ending, but a couple other things in there that i'll highlight -- moped sharing, weird fish, wire and sensor play, trans reigen and android gender????, gratuitous coffee-making descriptions, found family, fireflies, big shirt / small pants, and seri's usb ports are in his mouth :D

thanks so much for asking about this! <3 it's so fun to talk about. i'm on the mend, so i'm hoping i feel well enough to make progress on this + finish the next sage advice chapter before i completely explode.

[helly-watermelonsmellinfellon]

Is this a safe space? I got some whining to do.

Not just about the landlady and about how we're gonna be homeless again in a month. No, I got a bone to pick with Dave and I need to vent.

So... how did he fuck up this time, many of you may wonder?

1.) Christmas.

Dave didn't want a turkey or any of the usual Christmas dinner stuff we have. It's literally only the 2nd day a year where we have any of that shit, but he whined about not wanting to do extra work like at Thanksgiving... where he did no work at all. I literally sat in the kitchen with mom for hours. It was hot af, and tiring. In the end, he had to wash a couple plates but that was it. I'm the one who had to go back and forth fetching things, washing and re-washing pots and pans so mom could use them for something new, and stirring shit cuz she couldn't move.

He demanded seafood and stuffed shells for Christmas. Mom told him that shit would be too expensive for people like us. Besides, she would get paid on Dec 22nd, which meant it would be too late to get anything like that as shit would be cleared out. He had the money to get the stuff he wanted early, but decided Food Stamps should pay for most of it first and waited until Christmas Eve. Well, guess what?! Money finally comes in, he waits around, and when he finally goes shopping... there's barely anything left.

He had to buy frozen stuffed shells which were a bit cheaper than making them homemade, but they ended up being disgusting and no one liked the filling which tasted rancid af. So, he left them on the counter for like 10 hours and never touched them. Then bitched cuz no one, not even him, ate them and they sat out all night and had to be thrown out. He managed to get some kind of mini shrimp platter which was basically 28-30 small shrimp around a small container of cocktail sauce. Finally, he had to spend his own actually money to go to some small seafood shop somewhere and get some clams which were expensive as well. We each got like 6 of the world's smallest ass clams ever.

Basically, there was nothing of actual substance for dinner and we all ate mom's pasta salad which was gone in a single sitting.

Then, he wanted pumpkin pie, lemon meringue pie, and some other pie. Mom told him she wasn't making him jack shit cuz he's the only one who likes pumpkin pie in this house, and she made him one just for him at Thanksgiving... and his ass never ate any of it. In fact, he claimed it made him sick(which was him hiding the fact that he'd gotten himself fast food earlier that day, when he knows grease and oil on french fries make him sick). Bethy narked on him wasting money on Thanksgiving Day when we were already making dinner, and he stuck to his claims and ended up leaving that pie to sit in the fridge on the top shelf and never touched it. He got himself fast food a couple days later and... got sick again. And mom was like, "Let me guess... the ice cream made you sick so now you won't need to touch it and the rest of us can have it?" And he threw a fit.

Dave had to buy his precious pie for himself... And refused to fucking read direction so guess what? He left it in too long and burned it. Mom had placed a special order for quick delivery and got the rest of us different pies to share so everyone would get something for dessert. They just ended up being mostly whipped cream and a slight hint of flavor and were lame af tho. I was especially mad cuz she informed everyone of who got what and Dave literally went right behind everyone's backs and took like a quarter of each of the other pies in one sitting and left his burnt as one on the table for days.

2.) Landlady's Possessions

Some may recall me mentioning how in our first 2 weeks here, Dave managed to break the tempered glass stove top and tried to hide it? Well, not only has he not replaced that after finally coming clean about it and claiming it would be and easy replacement to handle, but he also broke the handle to the landlady's washer/dryer set, and the faucet in the bathroom sink which is why we haven't been able to wash our hands there this whole time. We've gotten use the shower to the kitchen sink if cleanliness is truly so important.

Mom ended up having to place the dryer handle the other night. Dave still won't mention the stove top though. He claims he can fix the faucet but won't acknowledge how if he doesn't fix the stove top, he's not getting the last month's rent and security back(which would be about $2,600). The house will NOT be as it was when he moved it because of HIM and that WILL be $2,600 down the drain. So, despite all that bitching, he's doing nothing as per usual.

3.) Waste

He's still wasting food. The first point should have gotten that across pretty well but it goes beyond.

I made pasta 2 nights ago. We had alfredo sauce, and I had some cans of chicken I was hiding away for a just such an occasion to spruce it up, yk? It took like half an hour, but it was done right as they walked in the door at 6 PM. I got mom and I some food, Bethy got her own food, and then we ate.

His ass never ate dinner. In fact, he got on the phone to whoever the fuck to bitch about how tired he was of not getting to eat full meals. Rigatoni in chicken and alfredo sauce was sitting in a massive pot int he kitchen, and his ass wouldn't touch it. Same as usual. There was enough for him but when I went out, he didn't touch it even after hours, so I had to put it away.

He never puts the food away, no matter who makes it. I often go into the kitchen at midnight to find all of dinner left everywhere. Much has gone to waste even because he won't fucking help.

So today, mom was supposed to make stuffed peppers. She got all the shit for it, but Dave suddenly whines and bitches, like he's never had them before and doesn't know how they're made, "What's in them?" Mom explains slowly cuz he's that fucking dumb. "I don't want tomato sauce, I'll get heartburn!" "We've always had them that way, and you've always had heartburn, yet you never complained before." "Well, I don't want it now! I'm fucking tired of tomato sauce!"

We haven't had tomato sauce in over a month cuz he specifically won't buy it unless Bethy is there to put it in the cart. He demands mom uses alfredo sauce in the stuffed peppers instead... and it was awful. I've never needed so much salt in my life. Dave lost the garlic powder so much of the flavor was missing, and rice covered in alfredo sauce is NOT good. I was very displeased. Once again, we do shit to cater to Dave and once again, it ends up being a failure cuz guess what? He didn't fucking eat any. There were enough for everyone to have at least 2 with 2 left over. There are 6 remaining. I ate 2 with extra rice on the side, mom had 1, and Bethy had 1. Dave didn't even eat them... cuz he ended up not liking them even when mom told him it wasn't going to end up well.

All that bitching and forcing us to change how we usually do things, only to not only NOT eat the thing that was made to his specifications, but then he spent the night bitching about being hungry when his ass could make spaghetti and alfredo sauce for himself if he was so desperate for food. We have ground beef and ground turkey. Canned chicken. Mac n' cheese. Different types of soup. He was not starving or going without, he was just lazy. After all that talking, he did nothing at all.

4.) Not reading the lease.

Withholding details of the lease from us and not bothering to read it clearly and now acting like he did nothing wrong the entire time.

~.O.~

The one thing Dave isn't at fault for, is the landlady's behavior.

This house has a separate garage that wasn't part of the lease. She's not having it slightly remodeled, and her ex-husband is adding an electric garage door. He had to come in and check the breaker with his electrician friend and they were mumbling to each other about her plans. She DOESN'T want to move in, she wants to rent out the house and garage together for a higher price.

I'm so mad I am practically fuming.

We're getting hit by everything, and to have this news dumped on us right before Christmas has just soured the holidays entirely. We've already begun packing our things, but we have no plan on where to go and nowhere to even put our stuff again. We have 6 weeks left and I'm just so tired.

[GFM] [Ko-Fi]

[thenerdysewist]

Making a Masking Tape Pattern

It's an old cosplay hack. You wrap a part of your body in plastic wrap (cling film), and then apply duct tape or masking tape over the plastic wrap until it fits to your body. You can then draw on the shape of the garment and seams, and it should fit perfectly to your measurements.

Over the weekend I was attempting to use a bodice pattern I already had to make a leather chest plate for a D&D Ranger Cosplay. After several failed mock ups, in which the curve for the princess seam just wouldn't sew flat, I gave up and looked for a different pattern. My usual online sources for free patterns failed me, and I decided to try my hand at this age old cosplay hack.

Step 1: Wrapping Yourself in Plastic Wrap and Tape.

I was able to wrap the plastic wrap around my entire torso, but not so much by upper back. For that I required the help of my mom. I was able to apply the tape to my front half, but for the back I once again needed the help of a second person.

Step 2: Marking the Seams

Once I was wrapped in tape, I took a sharpie and drew on where I wanted the seams. I marked a center front line, a center back line, a shoulder seam line, and a side seam line. I also marked a front and back neckline, and drew on the curve of the princess seam so that it curved over my bust to my waist to account for the natural curve of my bust.

Then my mom cut me out of the tape up the center back line. Note, be sure you are thoroughly wrapped in plastic wrap before you start applying tape. I didn't do as good a job as I thought I did, and disaster struck.

Thankfully the tank top I was wearing was one I'd had since high school, so losing it wasn't the end of the world, but maybe wear an old shirt you don't care about if you do this, just in case.

Step 3: Making the Pattern

Once free of my masking tape cocoon, I cut apart the shell along the seam lines I drew. That left me with three wobbly tape pieces. The seam over the bust held its 3D shape once cut apart, so I added a notch in the curve to make it lie flat.

Then I traced the shapes onto some parchment paper (but any big enough piece of paper will do) and added half an inch all the way around to allow for the seams and hems.

Step 4: Mock Up

Before I cut into the very expensive fake leather I bought, I wanted to make sure the pattern fit. So I cut apart a mock up from another project to make a mock up for this one.

Half of it fit great, half of it came out super wonky, but at that point I'd been working on this for 6 hours straight, so I decided to wait and fix it the next day. I got up the next morning and cut another mock up and stitched it together.

This time it fit perfectly, and I cut into the leather.

Step 5: Final Fabric

I cut out the pattern one last time, this time in the fake leather I purchased.

Then I stitched it together, and tried it on using clothes pins to hold it shut.

As you can see, it fits perfectly. I have some buckles coming, and then I'll be able to finish it!

Normally I would have saved this for when I completed the project, but I was really excited and proud that I learned a new technique! I wanted to share that excitement with you.

[bondagebimbo]

You are such a fucking beg lmao, do you have a job? It’s constant beg beg beg with you, you got more issues than vogue dirty bitch flea ass get a fucking job

I wasn’t even going to dignify this with a real response or lash out at you since this is clearly antagonizing and I won’t take the bait because I already explained the entire situation in that post so clearly your reading comprehension level is that of a kindergartener and I think you need to go back to school and not only learn how to read but how to understand the shit you read, but now I’m going to reply because you’re being an immature little bitch

FYI, PLENTY of people with jobs end up having emergencies they can’t afford all the time. sorry I had to shell out literally everything I had to help with a family fucking funeral last week (which I am still recovering from the loss of that person) so I don’t have the money to fucking deal with a flea infestation because i have 0.22 in my account after giving away all the money I possibly had to help with those funeral expenses.

maybe you should learn the whole fucking story before you assume and make a cunt of yourself, if you’re even able to comprehend this message enough to understand anything I said to you in order to do so, but I doubt it because you’re just an inbred fuck with nothing better to do than harass people online when you know nothing about what’s going on in their life :)

fucking dumbass bitch, go back into the nasty fucking cave you crawled out of. you’re not fit for this world if you have such a fucking judgmental and bitchy fucking mindset. disgusting ass fucking pick me little fucking bitch that never gets picked (which is obvious from this message because who would want a bitch that acts like you, could never be me 💀💀💀)

also, I’ve asked for help THREE TIMES out of the almost FIFTEEN YEARS IVE BEEN ON TUMBLR. so go lay in fucking traffic you unwanted piece of shit.

[an-act-of-will]

Random tidbits of advice no one's asked for about writing but I've learned over the years

In no particular order:

Don't worry if your first draft is messy. That's what editing is for.

You won't learn anything from nitpicking the same story for years. End it and then edit.

Between edits, take a break of a specified time so the work can breathe. I do one to two months. You might need only a week or three days.

Don't be afraid to experiment, in your writing or routine. Stepping out of your comfort zone is the way to grow.

Don't worry if you can't pinpoint a precise 'routine.' I don't have one and I've written for almost a decade.

Let your characters speak, but don't let them monologue. You will need to play God to wrangle them into place. If you can't get them to behave, you might need to make a new character.

Don't delete anything permanently. If you really like a scene/chapter/character/whatever else, but it doesn't work in this story, put it in a separate document for future inspiration. You'll be surprised when you can re-use it with some tweaking.

Number your drafts. Please. Just do it.

Back up your work.

Back it up again.

Save your work before you close the program if it doesn't do it automatically. If it does, save anyway, then refer to previous two pieces of advice.

Don't be afraid to try silly writing 'hacks'- the 'writing in comic sans' one works well for me.

Get someone else to read your work and see where it needs some love. Prepare specific questions for them so they know what you want from them.

If you've been stuck for quite a while, the problem is in your last sentence. Don't delete it- I put it in brackets and move on as if it doesn't exist. You can also turn the text white on a computer, or cover it in a dark highlight color on the computer, or cover it with your hand if you're writing longhand.

If you write longhand, I salute you.

If you think the problem is in the last sentence, it might be the last scene. Do the bracket trick and move along.

Momentum is key. Don't stop to research when paper clips were invented (1867, for those wondering, by a gentleman named Samuel B. Fay. They were originally used to attach tickets to fabric.). If you know you need to research something later, put the item to be researched in brackets. Something like [CHECK DATE OF INVENTION OF PAPER CLIP]

Don't feel bad if you can't think of a specific or common word. I've forgotten the word 'lunch.' It happens. Put the approximate definition in brackets like [WORD FOR MIDDAY MEAL] (As you've noticed, I use a lot of brackets).

When it's time for editing, read through it first and take notes either on the manuscript or in the document. I color code mine, then include a key because I'm forgetful. For example, green is often a continuity error, red is something that can be cut, blue is where a scene can be added. I use changing the color of the text, highlights, and adding notes in my writing document.

Don't shell out money for expensive writing tools if you're not sure if you'll use it. Free word processors and office supply store notebooks are fine.

If you're well and truly stuck, move to the physical world and write longhand, even if you write digitally the other 99.99% of the time. I've found that it almost 'unlocks' parts of my brain that are understimulated.

If you do take the physical world approach, school notebooks and index cards are your friend. The notebooks are great for rambling and figuring things out, and index cards are amazing for writing short descriptions of scenes and physically moving them to see where they fit best.

If those don't work, you can always try the rubber duck technique I've heard coders use- use a rubber duck (or a stuffed animal, or a picture, or anything else) and talk your problem out. You'll probably see the solution once you articulate it. I use a wolf stuffed animal and record on my phone. You'll feel ridiculous, but it works.

Don't be afraid to feel ridiculous. It's a hobby that takes you down rabbit holes.

When I'm done with a chapter, I often use my text-to-speech function on my computer and listen to my story. It helps me catch typos that are other words. For example, 'bed' typed as 'bet' instead.

Your word processor isn't perfect. It will miss mistakes, and it might make new ones. To, too, and two and your and you're can be tricky for them.

Research your made-up names thoroughly to make sure they don't exist as other things.

If you have an idea unrelated to your current session, make note of it. You will forget it and you know you will.

Don't forget to take care of yourself- drink water, eat, and take breaks even if you're worried you'll break your groove. The words will still be there when you get back.