#but also remember things get better! promise
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[ID: A digital comic with a simple drawing style. It consists of long text that is accompanied by small drawings, matching what is said in the text. The text reads as follows: "I've always been a big reader. I was treating earlier and faster than most of my peers my whole childhood. [Three books: one is titled "Magic treehouse" and has the caption "kindergarten", one is titled "Harry Potter" and has the caption "first grade" and the last one is titled "Percy Jackson" and has the caption "third grade".] and my tastes have alwaystended towards the magical. fairytales, myths, and fantasy have been longtime favourites as far back as I can remember.
As I got older, my tastes didn't change all that much. They did expand, to being ok with things like horror, violence (and mild gore), death... As children's tastes tend to do. But I still loved fantasy stories just as much. When I hit eighth grade, however, they noticed a bit of a problem. I was getting a bit old for a lot of the middle-grade fiction books I liked. I thought: "Okay, sure! I've read adult-level books with no problem before, I'll just head for the fantasy section!" I asked a couple of friends for book recommendations, and culture reading except… [A drawing of many different scraps from books, all clearly from romantic and/or steamy scenes] ... All of it was just so stuffed with sex and romance. [A drawing of a person shaking their heads in disbelief and saying "ew" while reading the book, with an arrow pointing to them saying, "14 and very aro/ace"]
Needless to say, I did not want to read those books (and haven't to this day.) Thought bubble of the person just described continuing: okay, this is probably just my friend's stuff. I know they like these kinds of things. I'll just look for myself! [A drawing of a person standing in front of a big bookshelf that is labeled "young adult and teen fantasy". There are many different phrases pointing to the box on the shelf. The phrases read: "sex scene on the first page", "sex", "twilight", "romance "' subplot'", viscerally upsetting description of making out", "fade to black sex scene", "no sex but only technically", "sexy elves", essentially a romance really", "insane amounts of kissing".]... you gotta be kidding.
Over the years since then, I've tried to find fantasy stories that I can actually enjoy. [A drawing of a list titled "typically good". The bullet point read: D and D based (sex jokes but party focused), comics, fanfic, older media (pre-90s), MG fiction (last resort)] I've had some success at finding patterns that work for me, but a lot of these categories are very digital. (At least for me.) And because of that, all the time I once spent reading is now on my phone.
I don't really know where this is going, or what the solution is. Most people do like sex and romance, and reading about them. And this is just a thing for making a terrible comic day. I think it's pretty common for aro and/or ace people to feel left out, since so often these are treated as universal ideals. But to anyone feeling that way: I promise you are not alone. Also, allos: get better writing material, seriously. And better friends, since yours are apparently so terrible you can't write deeply meaningful relationships without kissing. (Half joking.) / End ID]
Note: this image description is not fully complete, as I left out some smaller drawings that I couldn't add into the text in a way that makes sense and weren't crucial for understanding. Also, I apologize if this description isn't clear to people who use screen readers but I do not know how to make it any better. If you have any suggestions, tell me please.
My (late) contribution for Make A Terrible Comic Day! I've been going to the library more often lately so this has been coming up a lot, cause I want something to read but have had trouble finding anything that I'm comfortable with.
If anyone has recommendations please please let me know because I am struggling.
#I'm not romance-repulsed but the older I get the more aspec I get apparently because I'm growing more tired of romance ansd sex in books#so this is a mood and a real issue#check out the notes on this post there are so many romance or sex free book suggestions#aromantic#aro#asexual#ace#aspec#boosting aro art#romance free books#sex free books
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Did I have a really bad night last night in no small part because of a s2 spoiler? Yes. Did I have a Payneland Meltdown? Sure.
But this morning I have gained clarity, and a couple of things have made me feel better about some of the spoilers. I'm going to share them with you in hopes that it will quell some anxiety.
George and Jayden seem extremely excited about the season 2 that they read. It appears super genuine in the new Gameodens, and even if you wanted to argue that it was For the Hype, George also seemed really pumped about them before the show was canceled. They don't seem like performative people regardless, but past behavior also indicates that, yes, the excitement is real.
Both Jayden and George expressed that Charles and Edwin are soulmates. They have read all of the available scripts, and they are still expressing that (very true) sentiment.
They also explicitly said that Edwin and Charles are basically married anyway and that "dating" would be a "step down" for them.
Re: the "fight" that triggered my Episode last night: there is genuinely no way that the boys would have fought for an entire season, let alone forever. It wouldn't make sense and would be antithetical to the entire point of the show. Not to mention George and Jayden having professed them soulmates! "Tense for a lot of it" could mean many things, including that things were tense for a lot of the fight (rather than the season) and got less tense as the fight progressed. "A lot of it" could also just mean 1-2 episodes since they don't really fight.
George and Jayden also explicitly said that disagreements could be healthy, so I'm going to believe that they meant they came out stronger on the other side.
Also, as a kind soul in my comments last night said, there's really nothing for them to fight over besides each other. It probably would have been out of love anyway.
Re: the Catwin sex. Disclaimer is that I don't mind this because I've always thought it would be an interesting plot point. BUT, as a hardcore Payneland shipper myself,I understand why people might not like it. Please remember that it's part of a story! It's the middle of a story, not the ending! Catwin is likely, as I hoped for, a step on the journey toward Edwin figuring out that he only wants these experiences with Charles. Every road leads back to them.
I actually think that Jayden and George might have said that all roads lead to them as well in one of the Gameodens, but I don't know where. Maybe I dreamed it.
We are getting tiny little snippets of 8 hours worth of television. We have maybe a collective 150-character Tweet and 1.5 minutes of out-of-context video spoilers. Catastrophizing doesn't make any logical sense. (I'm not talking down to anyone here, I promise. I'm repeating the mantra I told myself for like an hour last night.)
Season 2 was also not intended to be the last season! They wanted 6! This is Act 2 of 6. It's not even the middle of the story!
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I need guidance on something. I find myself committing sin (lying, anger) often - and I want to repent but I feel like it would be a lie to God because I know I will sin again, because I have fallen into these habits. I want to get better and seek God's forgiveness but I absolutely do not want to make false promises to God. I have asked other Christians about this but they all give me similar responses - "Just repent anyway, it's okay if you sin again," or "These sins are so minor, God doesn't care," or other things like this and it feels like being led astray to even consider these possibilities. I am asking you because I feel like an Orthodox Christian sticks more firmly to the Bible and not to modern interpretations of it.
Eagerly awaiting your response, and please pray for me. :)
St. Porphyrios used to say, “Do not fight to expel the darkness from the chamber of your soul. Open a tiny aperture for light to enter, and the darkness will disappear.”
All habitual sins are rooted in the passions: lying and anger are the fruits of pride, which is the seed of corruption. It is necessary to struggle against them and not despair of our salvation. We cannot give up the fight against the desires of the flesh; it is impossible to be a Christian while indulging in the pleasures of sin.
God gives us the weapons we need to fight the passions through the Church; through frequent confession and communion; through prayer and fasting. I recommend you talk to an Orthodox spiritual father, as I am only a layperson, and a terribly sinful and foolish one at that!
The only way to avoid sin is to have perfect prayer, to have perfect stillness of the heart, to hold fast to Christ and keep Him in the center of your thoughts at all times. Have you ever heard of the Jesus prayer and the hesychastic way of life?
St. Macarius of Optina said, “Pray simply. Do not expect to find in your heart any remarkable gift of prayer. Consider yourself unworthy of it. Then you will find peace. Use the empty cold dryness of your prayer as food for your humility.”
I wish to say, his advice can be used to advance in all of the other virtues aside from prayer. Pray for God to keep you from sin, and if you find yourself falling into sin, use the shame of sin as food for your humility.
St. Isaac the Syrian also said, “As salt is needed for all kinds of food, so humility is needed for all kinds of virtues.”
While Elder Ephraim said, “Grass does not sprout in trampled ground; likewise, passions and wickedness do not sprout in a humble soul. As long as we lack humility, God will not stop humbling us through trials until we learn this important and most salvific lesson.”
So you might wonder, how can I gain humility? When you find yourself angry, look inwards and remember your sin against God. Remember the unmerciful servant, the fool who received forgiveness for his debt from the King and then assailed a fellow servant for owing him much less than what he, himself, owed the King. Pray for those who sin against you, and thank God for the persecution you face, because He allows you to face temptations in order to heal your soul of its passions.
“In order to abide in the love of God it is essential for anger and 'hate' to attain their maximum intensity but be directed against the sin that lives in me, against the evil active in me - in me, not in my brother.” St. Silouan exhorted.
Most importantly, no one can attain these virtues unless they are in obedience to a spiritual father. People fall into delusion thinking they can live a spiritual life outside of the Church, but in doing so, they follow the whims of their heart and nourish not their souls but feed the evil passion of pride in their hearts. Disobedience was the first sin committed by man in Paradise, and it is by obedience to a spiritual father that we free ourselves from the harsh judgment of God.
Please forgive me and pray for me, inadequate and late in my answer. You are welcome to send me a message if you wish to speak. It is hard for me to answer these questions adequately without conversation, the answer is so vast and encompasses so many facets of the spiritual life that cannot be explained in a short paragraph by a stupid person like me, so I recall instead what the saints have said.
The spiritual life is mystical, you must participate in the prayers, services, fasts, and sacraments of the Church in order to find answers; it is not something I can give to you with words, but it is an experience of God. “God is the Lord and has revealed Himself to us!” The only way to know God is by divine revelation, not by mere will, and we find God revealed to us through His Church! “Taste and see that the Lord is good!” Indeed, He knocks at your door, only you must answer and meet the Bridegroom yourself.
I am praying for you. May the Panagia be with you! May God have mercy on us, my dear friend,
Prayer for the Granting of all Virtues by Saint Ephraim the Syrian
Grant me, O Son of the Good One, that for which my mind yearns, and join to it that which is pleasing to Thy will.
Grant that I may choose to do good and in no way deviate from Thy will.
Do not permit me to be a wicked and hypocritical disciple who violates Thy commandments.
Protect me from thinking that I can walk along Thy path merely for the sake of appearance and thus by my hypocrisy deceive those who see me, inciting them to proclaim me blessed.
Grant that my heart might please Thy greatness in secret, and that my just life might glorify Thee publicly.
May truth be a mistress to guide Thy worshipper; may it preserve me in chastity both near and far.
Deliver me from the misfortune of knowing Thy law, yet lacking the desire to please Thee.
Vouchsafe me the company of people who are simple, but experienced and wise in the performance of virtues.
My flesh is weak. Fortify it with Thy strength. Help me, break the arrows of the cunning enemy, and number me among the hosts of Thine heirs.
Grant me, O Lord, ever to be among Thy dominion and to do what is pleasing to Thee. And whenever I begin something good, do Thou, O Lord, give me strength to complete it.
I know, O Lord, that I have sinned against Thy will. Clearly do I see that I have transgressed Thy commands. But do Thou, who makest Thy sun to shine on the bad and the good, deign also to shine Thy light in my clouded mind. And sins — those murderers and robbers who have taken up residence inside of me — will be driven out by this Thy light.
The Evil One sees in me no wickedness that did not come from him, for it is because of him that I have become wicked. I am, however, conquered by him through my own free will. The Evil One has entangled me because I myself instructed him to do so.
The slothful and the timid run from Thy yoke; Thy love shames the negligent.
Praise be to Thy goodness, to that mother of all teachers. The blows that they deliver to bring the stubborn to their senses are perhaps quite painful, yet sympathetically do they offer healing to the penitent.
Worthy of veneration are Thy Father and Thy Holy Spirit, Who rejoices at our return!
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The TBT got me thinking about the movie's writing again, so here's some thoughts. Clay being the only one to get an on-screen apologize doesn't make any sense narrative wise.
When you look exclusively at what's implicitly canon (so no 'he was at the tree that whole time' headcanons, even if they make some sense), Clay is the least in need of apologizing compared to the other three. Bruce is slightly more in need of apologizing than him because he was the second eldest and second to leave, but this point is not about him, it's about how it should have been either JD or Floyd (ideally it would be all of them apologizing actually, but again, not about that rn)
John Dory is practically the main force behind the movie's plot and emotional conflict, so we're talking about him first. John Dory in the movies, well, he kinda sucks a lot of ass. During the Brozone days, he was very bossy, overbearing, lowkey emotional/verbally abusive and the first to leave them all while being the oldest and implied to be their only caretaker outside of their elderly grandma. And even though some people give Clay and Bruce shit for how they behaved towards JD during the Rhonda fight scene, they were RIGHT, he was being bossy and a dick during that scene, and while all the bros were at fault about how they treated Branch during it, he was also the worst of them (like he was the only one who not only denied they would stay together after saving Floyd, but also actually made fun of Branch for even thinking so). And that is without mentioning how he got the the three of them trapped later in the film in the stupidest way possible.
This is NOT to say that he is some kinda of unredeemable abusive monster, no, even if its not said out loud in the movie, its left pretty implicit that he had his reasons for acting the way he did and that he was under a lot of stress himself running the band and caring for his 4 younger brothers while likely being a kid himself during the Brozone days. BUT, after all that, it feels so strange to have the time for one singular apologize apparently and to not give it to HIM of all people. He giving Branch the lead during the Family Harmony is the only thing he does that implies he changed his way after ALL of that, even Venner gets more redeemable qualities than that!
It just makes his storyline feel incomplete honestly, like the movie only bothers to drop slight hints that this man doesn't completely suck and then turns around and both doesn't build up further on those hints AND doesn't make him do anything to redeem himself with Branch and any of his other brothers.
And if for whatever reason it wasn't going to be John, why not Floyd??? I don't even care that much that we don't get a reason for why Floyd never went back, its kinda even implied that he never intended to come back and was just trying to comfort Branch by lying, but again, if you're going to set aside time for one-on-one apologizes after everything is set and done, why not use it for tying up one of the main story points set in the begging of the movie.
Is like they even forgot that they set up Floyd promising to come back and never doing so, because as far as I remember (could be wrong tho), after the introduction, Branch only refers to Floyd as "the only one who said goodbye". With for Branch's character makes sense really, but for the narrative feels plain unsatisfactory. It sets time aside to set up out loud that something was supposed to happen and it never did (crucially affecting the trajectory of the main character's life) and it just... never brought up again. No excuse, no Im sorry for that actually, no anything. Instead we get Clay, which in the movie, has no special relationship or plotline with Branch compared to the rest whatsoever, being the one that gets to have on-screen closure. Why?????
In conclusion, the movie could have an 100% better script and tighter emotional conclusion if they had just let the writers have two even ONE extra rewrites. But not, instead we get two plotlines that likely will never get resolved because got forbid this franchise actually has a proper continuity between films yippeeeeee
(Im truly sorry for this ramble, I just have too many thoughts and too little friends that even know what Trolls are, and by too little I do mean actual zero. Hope you enjoyed it at least, if not, Im sorry again)
I agree that Clay was the one Troll who had a good reason he never got to go back and visit or anything. It was definitely weird that he was the only one who apologized for never getting to see Branch grow up, but I think it says a lot about his character that he did.
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Ok I'm making a change to Veronica's backstory
You know her teacher Miss Averesch? The human teacher who taught her how to control her temper better (at least with her friends) and was the closest thing she ever had to a mother(that she can remember)?
I've decided that instead of just leaving, Miss Averesch was killed by someone. Specifically in a hate-crime against humans in Briar Valley.
And some other students (whom she'd been friends with and was on good terms with) ended up also being killed, for being witnesses.
Veronica wasn't there because she was away running an errand for Miss Averesch.
Here's the new version:
Miss Averesch actually taught a class for students where no magic teaching was involved. It was meant for magicless students like Veronica (of which there were very few) or other students who had good enough grades to get into the school, but not the magical aptitude recquired. A 'general studies' class, basically.
Though one day at the age of 13 in the middle of a lesson, a man living nearby who was very against a human teaching at one of the best school's in Briar Valley, holding a great grudge due to having lost people dear to him at the hands of humans, snuck into the school to kill Averesch. And as the rest of her class was there...well, he wanted no witnesses.
At the time, Veronica was in the city, getting a few materials Miss Averesch had asked someone to buy. And being her little helper, Veronica volunteered.
When she came back to the school, the building her class was supposed to be in was dead quiet. No one answered when she called out that she was back and apologized for taking so long— she got a little distracted looking at some pretty fabric. Then when she went towards the classroom, the door was open, which was unusual, since Miss Averesch liked to always keep it closed during lessons.
When she went closer and saw a drop of dark red on the floor, the panic set in.
She was afraid to go into the classroom.
But she did anyway.
The scream she let out alerted nearby authorities.
She developed a lot of survivor's guilt after this incident, since she was the only one who survived. She also feels guilty about not being able to do anything, and feels like it's her fault for not being there, that she might have been able to prevent their deaths. She was the only one among them who had any experience with a weapon, and she'd even said that she'd try to protect the others if it was ever necessary, but she couldn't do anything.
She often asks herself what would have happened if she hadn't volunteered to go purchase those supplies, or if she'd gotten back just a little bit earlier.
And all other teachers at the school, including the new teacher of her class, looking down at her for being a magicless half-fae, Veronica knowing they thought she would never be anywhere near as good as the other students at said school, meant that now more than ever, she had something to prove.
This was actually the original version of her backstory— I just changed it because I thought it might be too edgy. But I've realized that, her once again failing to protect people she cared about and had even promised she'd protect, and how it impacted her ability to trust people, how it added to her protective side, and gave her survivor's guilt, is a vital part of her backstory.
She's just not the same without it.
So uh yeah!
I'm changing her backstory! And I'm gonna update Veronica's Showcase post to include that
Tag list: @another-random-paradise @thehollowwriter @faefum @cactus13-rolloflammesimp @beneathsakurashade
@nyx-of-night @theolivetree123 @babyghoul138 @skibidibabygirl @screamintoad
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i think the reason why people who are against authority also hate Luke is because Luke wasn't anti authority, he was anti olympian/ god.
Seen through his method of trying to dissemble the authoritative power of the gods by overthrowing them with another form of authoritative power. Kronos was no better than the gods - not in myth or pjo - and by trying to take down one government by reinforcing another, similar (if not the same), he is therefore not proving to be anti authority instead just anti god.
Not a great comparison but similarly to when the Russian revolution had overthrown the Tsar due to autocratic rule however then implemented their own autocratic rule in the form of the soviets. This is not solving any issues but rather reinforcing the same structure through a different leadership, there is very little to no chance Kronos would have provided better conditions for the demigods.
that's just my two cents as to why people may be anti authority and anti Luke, (personally i love the titan army) he is simply trading one authority for another which may benefit him (although he was manipulated to believe so). It's his actions that speak the loudest.
Personally I think while this may be the case in a meta light, we have to remember that Luke did not know all this. The Olympians were not just autocratic, they were downright tyrannical. The conditions were at the very bottom for demigods. If you remember up until Rick's retcon for HOO Luke was considered very old by demigodstandarts at the age of 19. They had practically no human rights at all. Luke allied with Kronos because it literally was his only fighting chance for his revolution, aswell as having gotten the promise to get a Golden Age for demigods. As it stands the "authoritarian government" thing was just something that would be there either way, the difference in the two options (to Luke) being "government that actively harms us" VS "government that doesn't". This is absolutely no attack on you or anyone else, but I think we need to remember to see these things from the POVs of the character. We as the audience can always easily say he should have done X or shouldn't have trusted Y based on the info we get- but we need to remember that most characters simply don't have that perspective. Ontop of that Kronos wasn't that much worse than the gods either by comparison. I mean...his main "crime" he's known for is being a tyrant and eating his kids. Zeus has canonically been at least compared to a tyrant one time. He ate Athena's mother in the myth to avoid a prophecy- that's how we got Athena coming from his skull. All things considered the gods and Kronos are round about on the same level on awful. Since you drew the comparison to Russia- the people who revolted against the Tsar did so not with the intent to instate another dictator. They did so because they were being exploited and starved by an upper class. The following tyranny was just something that developed after it in spite of the original idea and goals of the revolution. Luke was anti-establishment IMO who was forced to compromise his original values to some degree to even have a fighting chance.
Basically what I want to say is that while yes, everything you said is true- it's a lot more nuanced and complicated than that. And while it may take some time and thought to get into it- if people want to discuss on the topic they either have to put the work in or just stay out of it.
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Hi again!
I'm just here to spread a fun fact:
the break up in LFLS is so much sadder in the novel -
A few hours/days before (When grandma's in the hospital and the mission for choosing between Yeowoon and Grandma appear) Myungha and Yeowoon go peach picking -
Myungha starts his convo where he talks about not knowing HOW to love someone, Yeowoon interprets this as a break up and tells Myungha to stop talking - and Myungha manages to explain himself as Yeowoon sheds a few tears -
Myungha says he will never break up with Yeowoon, (then they almost get caught by security and flee)
After he makes his choice (saving both), his time ticks down to 36 days. He feels dizzy, and Yeowoon catches him. Yeowoon helps him, taking him inside his house and laying him down in a blanket.
After a small while - when the dizziness subsides - Yeowoon feeds Myungha some porridge and asks him what that was all about, but Myungha says nothing.
Myungha begs Yeowoon not to hate him.
Then, seeing his days so low, Myungha knows he has to break up with him that night.
Myungha takes Yeowoon in the train to were he used to live at 29 - they roam the streets, talk about life, eat special food (something that Yeowoon's Grandma used to make Yeowoon eat on rainy days), and sit by the river at night.
Yeowoon is SO excited because he thinks Myungha is finally opening up to him the way he's always wanted — he doesn't even consider this the start of a breakup.
THEY EVEN EAT ICE CREAM BY THE RIVER -
its one of those icecreams with two lolly sticks - they break the icecream in two. Myungha gets the smaller piece, but Yeowoon gives him his bigger peice.
Myungha tries so hard to tell Yeowoon the truth about this being a game, about his missions, and everything else — but he physically cannot because the game-world won't let him.
he then HAS to break up,
at first Yeowoon doesnt believe it, but then he gets angry and kisses Myungha to stop him.
Myungha pushes him away rather harsh, telling him to stop - Yeowoon starts crying, he then gets on his knees with tears, literally begging, saying he'd do anything to get back together - he'll fix himself to what Myungha wants.
Yeowoon grabs on so tight to Myungha's hand, holding it against his cheek with tears dribbling down.
Yeowoon says he loves Myungha and constantly apologises for how he's acting, now and in the past, promising to do better, he just wants to be with Myungha.
Myungha pulls his arm away - it starts to rain again,
his days increase from 36 days to 100 days
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I find this version so much sadder (and better tbh) because Yeowoon is so excited the whole time, he's giggling and blushing. honestly just soo happy that Myungha was sharing a part of him - this was something Yeowoon had been asking for time and time again.
But the whole thing has sad undertone as Myungha reitteres in his inner dialogue how this would be their last date, their last meal ect.
And unlike the Kdrama where Yeowoon could maybe guess, in this version, it was totally outta nowhere for him,
the way Yeowoon's cute smile drops in the novel in disbelief is the most gut wrenching thing ever.
also the line where Yeowoon says "I know you don't like me the way I do" makes a lot more sense in the context of the novel, where its clear that Myungha is clearly holding himself back from fully investing in the relationship and is honestly more distracted and tense. (he doesnt say how he feels, he doesn't want to kiss Yeowoon, ect)
i wish the drama was longer to add these moments :(
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Once more, sorry for spamming again and thanks for reading :D
i just needed to share
Stay Safe <3
You are so right IT IS VERY SAD :((
I think the English translation on novel website actually had some of these break up chapters? I definitely remember the illegal peach picking and the underlying sadness ugh Т__Т
And I also wish Kdrama was a bit longer so we could sit with them and make breakup more smooth and logical... but also I still think they worked the novel into it very well. Like, there's that short scene that's absolutely gut-wrenching for me - when they are on a rooftop and Yeowoon is excited, saying 'let's go pick chestnuts in autumn!' and Myungha pauses - what a heavy pause - and only says 'don't forget to take care of yourself' because of immediate doom of the Game. It's different plot-wise but the similar dreadful feeling is there.Т___Т
But also yes, the LFLS novel has so many sad and sweet extra scenes! I wish all of them were adapted in Kdrama version! (and the extension from 36 days to 100 days would make sense, I found Kdrama game mechanics a bit wobbly at the end with that breakup/time with Myungha return/different timeline etc, but probably yes, novel gives it more sense and they had to change it to align with their script)
Thank you for sharing delicious parts from the novel :D I'll share the spinoff in Korean with you as soon as I save the copy!
#love for love's sake#love supremacy zone#love for love's sake comments#dropthemeta#dropthemeta kbl#myungha x yeowoon#korean bl#kbl
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Ok, I've been thinking about this.
Friendship is a kind of Immortality:
You met as children. In that stage before puberty when friends are the most important, most intense relationship you know. And you stayed like that all through adolescence.
You were each other's entire world and probably the only reason you survived high school.
The scariest thing you had ever done was go to different universities.
Your love transcended distance and time. You stayed in touch, you visited each other. You spent every summer together.
You were growing apart, its true. But nothing could really separate you. Not yet.
It was the summer before forth year. You had postponed coming home by a few weeks at the behest of an enchanting stranger. You didn't know what your future sire's plans for you were. And it wouldn't have mattered.
You left the moment you heard about her disappearance.
If only you had come home when you meant to. You'll think about this often in the coming years.
No one could figure out when exactly she disappeared. You are sure its the moment her texts started to glitch.
You joined the search. Of course you did.
She was missing for fourteen days. And then she was back.
But there was something off. You were the only one who noticed.
She had always been so graceful, so agile. It was a quality you'd envied. Now it was like she had lead feet. And she didn't remember things. She couldn't recall where she'd been. When she came back she wasn't wearing the necklace you gave her. When you asked she didn't know what it was.
Still she was back. And wasn't that all that mattered?
The hallucinations started shortly after that.
She would tell you it felt like there was glass under her skin, and wool in her head and if she could just get it out she could prove it was real.
You didn't really believe she'd try. You didn't understand how bad it was. You didn't see her enough anymore.
And then she was institutionalized and you had died. So visiting hours were kinda out of the question.
Still, you refused to leave her. You would not make that mistake again.
Quietly you helped pay for her treatment. You called her every evening. You helped her think about the future. At least one of you could still have one.
And it worked. She got better.
She went back to school to get her master's in ecology like you'd always talked about.
With a kind of latent horror, you realized that you were going to watch her grow up without you. It was the worst pain you'd ever felt, and also the most beautiful thing you'd ever seen.
And you promised yourself that no matter what, you'd be here to see it this time.
Sometimes she would tell you she felt fake. That she though she'd see people like her on the street. They'd run when she tried to talk to them.
You told her that couldn't be real. And she should stop trying. And GOD weren't you such a fucking asshole?; an actual undead monster telling her that she couldn't possibly have seen a man with feathers for hair.
You had to say that. You'd read it was best not to indulge the hallucinations. And you prayed it wouldn't be a wedge between you.
Sometimes, late at night she would ask you about the parts of your past she didn't remember.
Little things;
The night after prom.
What she promised you at your thirteenth birthday.
The first night at camp together.
You told her. Your memory wasn't perfect either. It was good for both of you.
It happened again during one of her field work seasons.
She was out in the forest, miles from civilization, studying the secret lives of beetles, or something. You didn't really understand her research.
This time, you had no idea when she disappeared.
And this time there is no way you could get there to do anything.
The nights are too short, and the days are too long. You could not possibly get all the way to the interior to look for her.
It is maddening.
You scramble. You pull every contact. Every resource. Your sire cautions you; this is a lot of favors to call in for a mortal. Despite this your sire still helped you. The height of compassion among your kind.
It comes to nothing.
She is never seen again.
And you do not recover from this.
Sure, you'd known that one day she would die and you wouldn't. Long before that, as she got older, and you didn't, you'd have to stop seeing each other.
But that was supposed to be years away. You were supposed to have more time together.
For the first time in your unlife, you wonder if there is a point to living forever.
You think that in five to ten years maybe another field team will find her remains. Her bones, picked clean, will be in some news story. You'll see her parents interviewed about the closure this has brought them.
It never happens.
Over the years you think about her. Count backwards how old you'd be if you were both still alive.
Now neither of you are.
The first time you see her its fleeting.
A mistaken reflection in a darkened shop window spooks you. It's easy to say its not real.
But you see her again and again. A face in the crowd, a shadow on the street. She haunts you.
It can't be real. Maybe all mortals look the same to you now.
Then you see her across the street through a diner window. She does not disappear when a car drives between your line of sight. Her face does not change into a stranger's when you get closer.
You're in the diner at her table before you can stop yourself.
It's her; exactly as you remember her. Maybe a few years older? Or younger? You aren't sure.
"Its you. Its you! You're alive!" Your voice is shaking.
You wait for her to say she doesn't know you. That you must be mistaken.
"Ya I'm alive." She whispers it like a confession.
She looks at you. Reticent and sad. Her eyes are the same, only older. Somehow, older than yours.
"And you're dead."
– more vampire the masquerade x changeling the lost concepts that will not leave me alone. (part 2)
continuation of this post: part 1. "but vtm and ctl are from different settings–" shhhhhh :) if you've seen this post before no you didn't
before i begin: i have been dabbling in vampire the masquerade and changeling the lost content for a while, i am not a fan of changeling the dreaming and vampire the requiem is unfamiliar to me. anyway! buckle up, enjoy the ride, this is another long post!!
trigger warning for obsessive behavior, abuse/unhealthy relationships because vamps again, i guess.
– you're a changeling. kidnapped into arcadia and trapped there for who knows how long. in your durance, you dream of going back home, of reuniting with your friends and family, escaping your keeper to finally, finally enjoy freedom in the world you were born in.
– and one day, you do escape. back into your world, never feeling completely safe with your keeper looking to get you back and huntsmen being a very real threat, but you're ready to rebuild your life and enjoy your newfound freedom.
– except...
after a series of events, you have been forcibly/begrudingly assimilated into a coterie. perhaps a tremere found out about your changeling nature and took great interest in the faerie magic you can wield, deeming it useful for their interests, or maybe a friend or relative of yours turn out to be kindred and are now dragging you into their messes.
(this is particularly annoying if you're more of a diurnal faerie, rising with the sun and going to sleep as soon as it goes down. your circadian rhythm sucks [no pun intended] now that you're up until 3 am running around with a bunch energetic vamps.)
(bonus points if the other members of the coterie don't know what you are, initially mistaking you for a random human and being confused as to why you're there.)
you're not very familiar with kindred, but at this point you're not as wary of them as you should be, either. after all, you've dealt with the treachery and cruelty of the fae, traversed goblin markets, escaped the hedge - you think you can handle yourself pretty well.
(... that's why you see no problem in making a pledge with that mysterious fanged gentleman, offering your blood in exchange for whatever you might need in return. when the pledge is over and they're no longer needed, you ghost them, unknowingly leaving behing a vampire who is now addicted to changeling blood, your changeling blood, and the rush of human emotions brought by being in contact with glamour, no matter how terrible the withdrawal feels.)
on another hand, purposefully letting a vampire drink your blood to torment them might be a fun little prank >:)
(note/context: there is a bit of a contradiction regarding how kindred reacts to changeling blood. some books mention that it doesn't do anything different than a human's, but tastes heavenly and causes no damage to the vampire consuming it, and it might even resurface human feelings or emotions long forgotten. however, changeling the lost: rites of spring, though establishing that changeling blood isn't directly harmful to kindred, still has a hallucinatory effect on them. it is said that the vampire suffers -1 penalty to perception rolls every vitae worth of changeling's blood they consume, because they suffer misleading visions that also plague the Lost of low Clarity, a.k.a it causes one hell of a bad trip ["faces sprout in the environment and babble nonsense rhymes, colors shift and bleed, the outlines of objects warp and shudder."] that lasts until the vampire sleeps it off, and even then they might be plagued with vivid nightmares. so i guess whatever works best.)
a kindred parent who has dedicated their life to finding their missing child after witnessing their kidnapping by an otherworldy, inhuman creature. it might very well be the reason they sought out the embrace, in the first place, after learning their child might still be alive even after centuries have passed, and to be strong enough to protect them from whoever tries to take them back.
using oneiromancy on your malkavian mother to give her beautiful, pleasant, peaceful dreams. perhaps she dreams of you, and picnics with food she can taste under a summer's day sky, and the sun on her skin doesn't burn or frighten her. and it feels so real, so much so that she is filled with a sense of warmth and longing she can never shake off. you do what you can to take care of her. from a distance.
traditionalist ancilla parent who naturally turns to you when they are experiencing issues with technology or anything related to the modern world because you are their child and therefore should know about this stuff, but they forget you were stuck in Arcadia for like three hundred years and you have no idea how to operate an IPhone.
if anyone remembers the ventrue dad using his ghouls as his changeling child's bodyguards, let me expand on that: you are an absolute MENACE to the ghouls babysitting you. if you have been isolated from the world, that means they're basically your social circle, so you talk their ears off and trick them for fun quite often. not only that, but they're the ones that have to run around to retrieve you when they notice you have succesfully escaped again.
(this might evolve into the ghouls becoming your sorta kinda motley. they figure that taking you out during the day won't hurt when you're under their supervision, as long as it means you'll stop running away. you end up dragging them into all sorts of changeling shenanigans, from seasonal court drama to trips to the goblin market, pledges gone awry and etc. they become quite involved in the whole changeling thing. and you STILL prank them when you're bored.)
now the dynamic between the changeling child and their parent's revenants far more removed from humanity might be... interesting.
alternatively, a fetch-maker changeling making a fetch of themselves in order to escape their captor, be it their parent, a partner or a just a kindred who got too interested in them.
(alternatively again, a fetchmaker changeling will continuously make fetches of themselves to throw off/escape their vampire, and said vampire just keeps noticing the differences every single time. it might take them a while, but they notice!)
a vampire who wants you but cannot have you going after your fetch and seducing them instead, maybe even in a conscious attempt to disturb you.
(drinking the fetch's blood will make them immediately regret it, though. fetch blood is just... Not A Fun Time).
a tzimisce's vicissitude is an all too familiar horror.
ancilla toreador who enjoys toying with emotions and sire their lovers just to abandon them after x centuries-old, manipulative fairest who spent their long durance in arcadia being revered for their beauty and talent = potentially the most toxic interaction to ever exist, so nuclear people grow extra limbs just from existing within their vicinity.
(tldr: toreador x fairest cunt off who wins)
"nice is different than good" is a lesson you thought you learned after years of dealing with all sorts of fae creatures, be it the gentry, hobgoblins or even your own changeling peers. but you're not in arcadia anymore, and isn't learning how to trust again a part of healing? ... and somehow that means ignoring the red flags your newly-acquired partner is exhibiting. point is: you didn't exactly sign up for a vampire making your strange life even stranger, but now they're becoming more and more attached to you. not that you're aware of this, or the fact that they're kindred, but you'll find out. oh, you'll find out.
(eventually, their vampire antics are bound to catch up to you. eventually, your changeling antics are bound to catch up to them. it's just a matter of which one will happen first.)
(unhealthy kindred relationship tendencies aside, it's not absurd a vampire lover or secret admirer would become obsessed with a changeling, without even knowing the changeling's true nature. there's just something about them. becoming the subject of obsessive behavior is possible, romantic, platonic or otherwise, born out of a spark of curiosity or a grudge. look at rose gonzalez and roddy van bastelaar, for example.
and if they are aware of what you are, it's all the better. you're like a fairy-tale come to life! but changelings can be a little too similar to their keepers sometimes, and it sometimes backfires. add an obsessed or scorned vampire into the mix and you'll have a recipe for disaster.)
alternatively, a good, healthy (as it can be) relationship with a vampire that absolutely embraces the whole changeling lifestyle. anarchs? camarilla? no. a nosferatu or hecata girlfriend would feel right at home at the moon court's freehold. a tremere boyfriend would love nothing more than to sit with their autumn court changeling partner and read through piles and piles of old books on fairy magic.
a spring courtier changeling helping a vampire acquire necessary information using memory of trees.
(vampire: so you're telling me that you know that one scripture i've been looking for over twenty years is buried underneath the chapel because a fucking tree told you about it?
spring courtier changeling: yes? :3)
when a malkavian surprises you with a cryptic prophetic vision about your life, surprise them back! tell them about the cryptic prophetic vision you had about them, and try to rope them into a pledge by telling them you can alter their fate with simple little spell :) for a price, of course :)
in true fairy-tale fashion, you return home to find that not only your parent has been embraced in your time away, but they have found a lover as undead as they are. maybe it's their sire, maybe someone they met after becoming kinred. but while your parent is overjoyed with your miraculous return, your new evil step-parent just sees you as a nuisance.
(there are so many ways this dynamic can be expanded upon!
not being aware of your parents and their partner's vampirism, but still feeling that something is fundamentally off whenever you're at their new fancy mansion/penthouse [maybe your live there. maybe you drop by for a visit, after they get you settled in a nice house or apartment close by]. your new stepfather is insufferable, eccentric and treats you coldly, perhaps outright shitty when your parent is not around, but your parent seems happy enough - or not, but they won't hear a word of concern from you.
and if you are aware, then... well. they'll just take it as an opportunity to further terrify you.)
#changeling the lost#ctl#vampire the requiem#vtr#vampire the masquerade#changeling the dreaming#vtm#chronicles of darkness#world of darkness#wod#cod#This scene continues and the fetch walks back with their takeout order#She sees her vampire childhood bestie and is just like wtf?#and then the vampire really starts freaking out#why are there two of you?#changeling is like no this isnt about us You explain how long you've been dead for?#They eventually become a weird friend trio#how did we get to a thousand words#oops
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[<==PREV PAGES] [NEXT PAGE==>(not out yet.wait a year.or maybe more.imagine.]
saw alot of comments on prev pages; saying 'i HATE that mean teacher! im gonna FIGHT HIM!!' & i LOVE the energy!! it WOULD be nice. to have that catharsis. but the story of young tidestrider is Not one of catharsis. it is a story of being so small and so special and sucking so bad.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#GONNA START FORMATTING MY COMICS BETTER. W THE PROPER 'PREV' 'NEXT' LINKS#REALLY DIDNT EXPECT TO CONTINUE THIS SERIES BUT AAAUUUHH MY BRRAAAIN MY BRAIN IS SO IDEASSS. I HAVE 3 OTHER PAGES SKETCHED OUT#NO PROMISES ILL FINISH EM ANY TIME SOON OR EVER. MY WHIMS ARE THEIR OWN BEAST AND I ONLY DRAW ON MY WHIMS#THAT BEING SAID IF U COMMISSIONED ME ILL GEEETT TO YOUUU IM SORRYYYY. ART IS AN EMOTIONAL RELEASE FOR ME N BABY I HAVE EMOTIONS.#ESPECIALLY ABOUT GILLION TIDESTRIDER CHAMPION OF THE UNDERSEA HERO OF THE DEEP.for the desc here i put smth that i typed up in the tags of#another thing i made. i gotta make a proper Baby Gillion tag or smth. eventually.. eventually...I LOVE DRAWIN THIS LIL BABY GUY..#i also LOVE depicting the teachers as just being so fuckin mean. ofc theres variation in that. just like in all things.like the teacher her#idk if itll be mentioned but the octo lady is named Ms Octburn.an octopus pun based off the name of an actual councilor i had#when i was in elementary school i got bullied alot but teachers never did anything. i hated adults and didnt trust them.#but this councilor o mine was so genuinely sweet. i remember spending alot of time w her. she doesnt work there anymore.#but that one school adult that actually earns ur trust and is there for you when they can be.its SO important for a child i think#i hope she knows how much she helped me.youll see in the next page that ms octburn isnt perfect either.but she tries. they all try.somehow.#ALL these comics are gonna be inspired by somesorta experience o mine in the school system. school is so fucked up u ever thing abt that#AND GILLIOOOOONNN IN THE MOST FUCKED UP LITTLE SCHOOL OF ALL. MAINTAINED BY A CULT. CENTERED AROUND HIM. OUR CHOSEN ONE#I IMAGINE ALOT BANKS ON HIS SUCCESS. THIS IS THE WORLD. THE WHOLE WORLD. THE PROPHECY IS GOING TO COME TRUE N UR TELLIN ME#THAT ITS THIS LITTLE IDIOT THATS GONNA BE SAVING US? WHAT IF HE FAILS. IF HE CANT GET THIS RIGHT THEN HE WILL FAIL AND WE WILL DIE#WE NEED TO TRAIN HIM. WE NEED HIM TO LEARN. AND TO SUCCEED. OR ELSE WE'RE DEAD. WE'RE ALL FUCKING DEAD. I IMAGINE THAT MUST BE STRESSFUL#in other news i hope ppl actually giggle when they read these. they ARE intended to be comical. dark humor or whatever. like its also sad#this is intended to be a sad comic series. but a funny one too. does that make sense? god i hope so.saw some1 say they had flashbacks-#-reading this. like YES!! THE INTENDED EFFECT!! YOU GET ME!! i love seeing ppl get upset on this lil baby boys behalf. i LOVE seeing ppl-#-wail n weep n cry in the comments. i LOOOVE seeing ppl RELATE to baby gillion. and i love letting u all know that this wont be a happycomi#gillion gets his happiness arc in the actual show. this series is one of unfortunate events. teehehehe. do u guys remember that show#i keep listening to the lil songs from A Series of Unfortunate Events for inspiration. GOOD STUFF!!#anyway uuhh uhh thats all i got in my brain. for now. feed me ur comments give me ur input i NNEEEEEDD THHEEEMMMM
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one of the things that fascinate me about thawne: yes, he CAN be normal with kids! surprisingly normal!
((not at all times, though. his mental illness still spills through and as usual he, in trying to manipulate or hurt others, spits out at them the exact stuff that would hurt him (or have in his childhood/barry's rejection interpretation) the most in the first place lmao))
but at the same time. his like second instinct when doing his bullshit is FUCK THEM (as) KIDS
(and, well. whatever this classifies as)
#whats wrong with him. seriously. he loves picking fights with literal children So Much#AND NONE OF THEM WITH WALLY ON THE MATTER OF BEING THE BIGGEST FLASH FAN. HOW DID THAT NEVER HAPPEN#about the middle page. honestly i DIDNT remember he is a Jerk in that way too until i checked his interactions with bart for this post#this man officially should not be allowed near children as a mentor.#just straight up drops ALL his insecurities on a poor kid in trying to make him feel ashamed. NO breaking the abuse cycle for this bad boy#the only thing he doesnt say is the direct 'you are a disappointment' altho the message is still the same 💀💀💀💀💀💀#AND I BET HES HELLA PROUD OF THAT. I MEAN CONSIDERING THIS FACT IG HE DOES TRY TO BE BETTER THAN HIS PARENTS. SOMEWHAT.#and omg he formulates his point like in problem based learning (leading the child to making the correct conclusion themselves)#im dying. professor to the fucking core.#and the way he feels the need to bring up flash facts in his appeal?? EO YOURE SO HOPELESS. THIS IS 100% HOW BART SAW HIM THROUGH#and god knows what he told thad promising to get him out of the speed force if he fought barry there and whether he was going to fulfill it#and do you even IMAGINE how FUCKED barry's mental condition would be growing up if thawne fulfilled his button threat#and i really REALLY wonder about the tornado twins and their relationship with 'uncle eobard' but that will be a separate post#he doesnt know any other way tho. and he might be actually mad at bart for not supporting his every action as The Flash#like. he tries to play family but the second they question he just goes WHATEVER. I DONT NEED IT. FLASH OF MY VISION RUNS ALONE#his problem is that he just wants attention. he doesnt see family/heroing for what 'its really about' or downsides that may come with them#everything is so idealized in his head. and the moment he faces reality with its complications the concept immediately gets antagonized.#and then he reconsiders and changes the conditions but fails each time never realizing the problem is his mindset and not everything else#black white at its finest yall#and man. RELATABLE.#also WHY is he standing LIKE A STATUE when appearing in front of bart????😭😭😭😭#poor museum rat has no idea what heroes in real life stand like#eobard thawne#professor zoom#reverse flash#the reverse flash#bart allen#the flash#dc
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next // previous
august 25, 2021 10:00 p.m. good luck arcade
✨🎵 wannabe! 🎵✨
#ts4#the sims 4#sims 4#sims 4 story#sims 4 storytelling#simblr#hlcn: everything the stars promised#everyone reading this: OH MY GOD MORE KARAOKE SCENES??? ANNA STOPPPPP#meanwhile me: *silly haha writing a dissertation on karaoke in my story as a symbol of freedom*#p.s. it's also just one of things that helps grant to get over a teensy tiny bit of the childhood trauma#he can start to process it better if he remembers the things that WERE good for him (aka his other family and henry and his folks <3)#also i just like grant and henry and co. being silly as hell#holocene.docx#holocene.png#hlcn: grant#hlcn: henry
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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently
#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting#with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though#you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would#think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page#disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol#THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended#(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever#so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with#no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know#EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably#It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end#point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc#I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc#rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is#not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school#but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia#and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like#the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot#or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are#familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them#Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol
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every so often i will see a post from a leftist on this website that is so egregiously ableist that i remember that like. oh yeah the userbase of leftists on this website is violently anti-disabled people and will jump at any chance to demonize any of us for any reason. i just forget that fact because i'm extremely dedicated to curating my space
i'm paraphrasing here but i saw a post that said, "every time i see an American [disabled person] mention being scared about the election because they're afraid of losing their benefits i have to laugh. anybody who wants blood-soaked money from the US government deserves to starve" which. like. goodness that's a lot to unpack. i think we should burn the whole suitcase instead !
#i inserted [disabled person] because they used a fucking slur instead and i didn't want that in my post#like i feel like there should be room for disabled people like me whose lives literally entirely depend on accessing said >#> extremely limited benefits in conversations about whether voting in this election makes you complicit in genocide#which like! i do understand. i do. it's nauseating to think about what this shit ass country is doing. it's horrific. i do not blame anyone#> for not wanting to be a part of that. *and* i am also terrified for my own life because i remember the first time trump won it suddenly >#> became IMPOSSIBLE for ANYONE to get on benefits. EVER. and so many disabled ppl i know went to renew benefits theyd had for decades >#> just to be denied. one of whom was a below-the-neck paraplegic. he died because he lost those benefits!!! because trump won#i really do understand why people dont feel right voting for harris. or why they don't vote at all. i truly do. but holy shit i am so scare#and yes! i am aware that people in palestine and gaza are suffering so much worse. and i wish i could change that#but every single person in power in the US is pro-israel and eagerly drinking the anti-palestine kool-aid. no matter who wins >#> things will not change in that part of the world. and it is infuriating. when the revolution comes this will change. but it hasnt.#the revolution will not save me as a physically disabled person. it will not save any of us. we do not matter to leftists. i am sorry but >#> this is the one thing i have learned after being in leftist spaces for over 10 years. and posts like the one i mentioned prove it#so i am very sorry. i really am. for being physically disabled. but i cannot survive another 4 years relying on my parents for everything#if trump wins i will be killing myself. this is a promise. i cannot do that again#i know it makes me a bad person to be afraid that harris will lose. but people on the left already think i'm a bad person for being disable#i want the genocide to stop. i absolutely do. i also want to survive. i am terrified that the US leftists will sacrifice disabled people#like me so they can feel good about being put in a real life trolley situation#again. im sorry. im so fucking sorry. i wish i was a better person. i wish i was able to give more. i know that if i was just a good#person i would be able to have a job and give to every palestinian gofundme on my dash. i would be able to do more than my daily clicks >#> and reaching out and calling representatives that don't care. if i was a good person i would be able to convince my parents that z*onism>#is deeply fucking racist. and that israel is wildly racist and killing palestinians for fun. if i was a good person i would be able to make#>them leftists too. im sorry. im sorry. im sorry im not good enough. im sorry that im scared. im so scared and it's not right for me to be#when so much worse is going on because of this countrys bloodlust. im sorry that im benefiting from being born here i dont want to be#im sorry for not having any other options. if i was a good person i know i would have them. im sorry. god im sorry im so fucking sorry
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Also about the Duke holding himself to higher standards thing something about the black boy being unable to afford slacking off in a way is peers are allowed to/are comfortable with? At least to himself? Cmon….
#that’s a lot of hc territory but do u hear me#also btw I don’t think the others slack like that#but I also don’t think what Duke says is without merit#but also I acknowledge it’s like writers not giving a fuck about unamed background characters impacted by the bats#BUT THIS#REMEMBER I said idgaf about the assassins tim called and it’s not REAL if literally nobody felt the impact#like if tim ‘we don’t get to make that choice’ drake didn’t feel a thing about removing the choice for betterment from hundreds#is it real or did they write that in just to make him look cool#anyways all this to say IF DUKE FOUND OUT HED BE PISSED#listen ik it’s sounding judgmental without being there#that’s the point#it’s a flaw to an extent#a character trait that’s not all bright and bubbly unless it’s fun to say#anywayyys then ID care or believe tim did that#but yeah i got distracted but I promise I had examples#just him not letting shit slide like that bc they have a responsibility to the civilians#and sorry it gets continuing the cycle of abuse sometimes 💔#‘u better depress that patrol route’#etc.#HE GETS BETTER#GUYS JEFF!!! THIS IS WHY HES HERE#listen to ME#ok bye#AND THIS IS NAWT TO SAY ELAINE AND DOUG DID THIS#IK how y’all get.#I’m saying that elaine and Doug instilled a strong sense of personal responsibility and helping others in him#and once they’re gone he clings onto them fiercely!#and gets worse.#ily <3
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Romarriche - “Your company is one of a kind… I would never lie to you. I would never say a half-truth or be quiet.” “What is it in your mind, Merold?” “Hearing your voice, complaint or not—it is music to me either way.” Merold - “If there is one constant in this world… Let it be you.” “You’re the cruelest and the kindest thing that happened to me.” “…If only you continued to look at me like that.” Romarriche - “…Merold?” Merold - “But~ It’s only a minor case of bad-mood-itis.” “So Romarriche, spoil me with a spar, will you?” Romarriche - “Merold.” Romarriche - “Look at me.” Merold - “…” Romarriche - “Is something… Wrong?” Merold - “Instead of a spar…” “I might want to lie down on your lap after all.”
#fragaria memories#merold#romarriche#i wont lie i only had the first line and wanted to write something with it#i was reading this novel and i wanted to write something romantic </3#im gonna babble here on my own so you're always free to skip the tags...#if i remember correctly romarriche and merold were made knights around the same time and I work on that context#i like to think their relationship was rocky at first at romarriche's side who didn't want to befriend merold#compared to merold who thought he finally had a friend his age that was also a knight of fragaria#it was romarriche who looked at merold with a perceived perfection and was compared to him#“...I'll get better and strong. I'll impress everyone so I don't have to hear it--his name repeating over and over again.”#merold who says “if only you continued to look at me like that...” refers back to the past when romarriche didn't think of him favorably#but i like the double meaning to it “please look me as you did before and look at me as you do now”#“cruelest” and “kindest” i was a reading a novel that also used those words so I kinda grabbed from that </3#its really a cute novel though#me reading fragaria memories theories to see if it can at least make sense#i like this but i dont like this at the same time wwww#what does it say about its characters? as a writer i want to care about that because no dialogue should be said without reason#i think this dialogue is perfection but what am i writing this for? who does it refer it? what does it refer to?#but at the end of the day i simply want to indulge myself#something that could sound good and personal and something that could make people who read this smile and myself smile#Merold - “Will you make the promise to never change?”#Romarriche - “Change... But change in what way?”#Merold - “...”#Merold - “Because I'm a knight who fears a lot of things...”#Merold - “And I care about the Romarriche I have now.”#it was never supposed to be detailed but look at me now... </3
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just did all the party sidequests. that was really cute
#i think my favorites personally are bonnie's and beau's#bonnie's because they're such a good kid and it's so fun to see the 'reveal' for not just sif's eye but the awkward distance between them#and sif's heartfelt shouting when it comes to bonnie's safety and the unquestioning acceptance of any personal cost if it means#they can keep the kid safe and alive#and how that changes the nuance a bit specifically regarding their eye when it comes to the way they avoid their problems#and also how the ''i would do it again and again and again'' and ''what's the alternative? my friends getting hurt?''#vs bonnie's ''but i don't want you to get hurt for me''/''you think you're better than everyone and you jump in because you don't think#it matters that you get hurt'' reflects on the overall looping situation#and it's going to be fun to see that super duper promise broken because Bonnie Won't Know#and like with all of the quests but this one specifically it'll suck so bad for siffrin to do these over and be able to Zone Out#''you don't want to have to loop back to before you spent that time with them''#and loop's dialogue when i went back to talk to them before beau's + their ''isn't that nice?'' ohhh i want to be right about them being a#future/parallel sif so bad. i want the ''if i were you i would just spend all my time in the House getting stronger'' thing to have made#this sif's spending time with their friends and having them come out stronger for it hurt in a complicated way#especially with the ''i don't think about your friends. i don't look at them. i don't worry about that. how are YOU stardust'' like i am SO#anyway. and beau's GIRL HELP ME#I WAS PLAYING ON ANOTHER TAB. SIF WHEN I HIT ''ATTACK'' I THOUGHT MAYBE WE COULD HAVE A SNEAK ATTACK ONCE#START THE FIGHT EARLY SITUATION. NOT THAT.#oh neat that was like. a mini loop. can we do that on command now or was that scene like. not technically a loop ?#tristesse is distracted...i know the sadnesses appearing on new floors now is a thing. as remnants how are they affected by loops...#help. the new memory. is that a sif thing or a sadness thing. [remembers the 'ghosts'] could be both ! lmao#ein babbles#isat blogging#the last 10 of my drafts are screenshots and reactions because i want to go back and look at them#i really need to do that thing where you make your own discord channel#i will also say. it was really funny how they had siffrin sort of suggest that you take this party with you all the way to the end without#looping. because that's what i usually do anyway because i'm inefficient but enjoy the grind and looking for new dialogue#and then immediately the game was like. BUT. this time you gotta pay attention and make sure siffrin's not a freak who weirds out your part#like oh ! ok !#kicking my feet behind me twirling my hair calling loop heyyyyyyy bestie what the fuck
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