#but also not cause you guys have your own idea and visualization and I don’t want to ruin that

[mad-c1oud]

I wish I was a much better drawer so I could show you guys certain scenes in full and how I’m imagining them like the panic attack in fingers and then the fight, the shower scene from letters, everything in immi, everything from twaho, and so much more

The greenhouse oh my god I want you all to see

ugh

maybe maybe maybe who knows

[sinisterexaggerator]

Final Straw

Nick Valentine x Fem Reader | Ao3

Summary: You're sick to death of listening to people insult and belittle Nick; you take matters into your own hands, much to the Synth's surprise, but your methods are a little bit unorthodox.

Warnings: None, except for blood, violence, and foul language. NICK GETS SUPER PISSED AT YOU, and you also share a kiss. 💋

IT'S FLUFF.

Notes: This is SELF-INDULGENT AF. I hate it when people insult Nick in the game. This is my way of getting them back! And I want to kiss him and tell him I love him so bad. ;-:

Word count: 2k

It was the final straw, the one that broke the brahmin’s back, Nick Valentine left to defend himself against hate and bigotry for the umpteenth time, and you would not be party to it.

For so long you had traveled by Nick’s side, learning of the many facets to his personality. If there was a single thing about him you did not like, it had to be the ease with which he practiced self-deprecation, not knowing how to remedy the awful perception he had about himself.

Oftentimes, he regurgitated what came out the mouths of others; it had been internalized, compartmentalized, processed, and stored in his long-term memory, the detective unable to let things go—just like so many cases that remained unsolved.

“Shit, a Synth— don’t come near me. What a freak, thinks he’s human…”

“Don’t worry, I wouldn’t go near you if it meant tomorrow I’d wake up from this nightmare.”

Your soul ached, knowing that every insult, every snide remark caused some level of psychic damage to your partner, his expressions all too readable for those times he was robbed of his fragile dignity, though always walking away the bigger man.

A culmination of varying factors led you to this, Nick’s tragic past haunting not only himself, but you; what you wouldn’t give to make it better, only wishing you had the power to convince him he was worth more than half the Commonwealth combined.

If Valentine could equate himself to nothing more than garbage, you could be the one to remind him that someone else’s trash was frequently another’s treasure— in this case, he was yours.

Though not privy to your feelings, you adored Nick completely. So much so, you were not above engaging in a physical altercation on his behalf.

“Say that again,” you threatened scathingly, turning to face the asshole who had just dared to disrespect your companion, and for no good reason.

“I said he’s a freak, lady—and what’s a pretty thing like you doing traveling with him, anyway?” the ill-mannered caravan guard asked, acting as if Valentine was some disease he could catch, making a blatant show of his disgust. 

The hired gun pulled no reaction from the Synth, though Nick stared at you tight-lipped, unnatural, glowing eyes trained hard on your face. His silence spoke volumes, instructing you with a stern look beneath the shade of his hat to drop the matter and turn the other cheek—it was something you weren’t willing to do this time, meeting your newfound enemy head-on.

“Apologize!” you demanded, shoving your adversary backward with a forceful push, both your palms making contact with his ribs. Your cheeks burned, accompanying a rise in your temper, readying yourself for if this vermin should do anything but grovel at Nick’s feet.

“Forget it, this guy ain’t worth it,” Nick offered laconically, hoping to appeal to your common sense. “I’ve heard worse in my time; being called a freak is the least of my concerns.”

“But you’re worth it!” you protested, Valentine’s forehead arcing upward at the conviction in your voice. He had a momentary lapse, his concentration faltering as he tried to get a handle on the situation, Nick having visualized an entirely different outcome based on variables that were currently in flux—namely the sudden change in your mood.

It seemed the shithead had caught on, smarter than he looked, eyeing the two of you with suspicion and derision, as if the very idea you could have feelings toward this hunk of junk was baffling when able-bodied, strong men like him existed.   

“Oh, I get it. You’re real sick, lady, a real pervert—you fucking a machine? What’s the matter, human men aren’t good en—”

The jerk was cut off mid-sentence, your balled up fist coming into contact with his jaw; a resounding crack split sound waves as blood spurted from his lips. His colleagues had already wandered off down the road, not wanting to be a part of whatever trouble he had found himself in, having silently agreed to let this member of their team fend for himself.

“You fucking bitch!” the guard twice your size growled, swinging wildly only to miss. Your leg extended; you were pleased when he stumbled, only wishing he had fallen flat on his face.

“Now, wait a—”

He was quick to right himself, spinning on the ball of his heel—you were quicker, kneeing him in the nuts so hard he doubled over, but you weren’t finished yet.

Lifting your arm to gain momentum, you drove the point of your elbow into his spine, causing the offender to drop onto the dirt at your feet.

“I'd say he's down for the—”

Nick couldn’t get a word out; you didn’t appear to be listening, the android observing your uncharacteristic actions with rapt concern. You were pounding your knuckles into the bastard’s nose repeatedly, sticky crimson coating your fist and the man’s sorely wounded face.

As if coming to from a trance, Valentine whisked forward, snatching your wrist before you could cause the poor schmuck any more damage, thinking he may look worse off than even he, what with his bare wires and metal frame exposed to the elements.

“Hey! What’s gotten into you?!” Nick barked, his tone alone condemning your inappropriate conduct, the Synth yanking you up so fast you audibly gasped.

“There ain’t no excuse for this—this guy may be a jackass, but that doesn’t mean he deserves to die!” Nick protested, brows knit in anger the likes of which you had never seen.

You glanced down, only now seeming to notice the extent of his injuries; the man was out like a light. You only cared because he did.

“Nick, I—” you began, voice quavering, losing all resolve as you had been forced to witness Valentine’s sweet disposition vanish, quickly replaced by something undeniably frightening.

You never once imagined yourself to be the victim of his choler, finding you absolutely hated it, breaking down all at once to cry despite not meaning to. You felt simultaneously overwhelmed by guilt and embarrassed beyond measure, unable to look him in the eye.

“Don’t Nick me, this isn’t like you, this—” The man froze, his grip slackening as he loosely held on, thoroughly confused by how you could go from nearly murdering a man in cold blood with your bare hands, to shedding tears in the span of under a minute; he moved to grasp you by your shoulders.

“What’s going on?” he asked, perplexed, the question dry on his tongue. He searched your face for any hint of what the matter was, wondering if you’d lost a screw sometime after leaving Diamond City, as he thought he had a handle on how you operated.

You could not will yourself to respond, vision clouded, droplets pelting your cheeks as you gazed at the ground. You felt worse than a scolded child; you had never meant to upset him so, it being decidedly more terrible than any physical pain you had yet to endure.

“Look at me, damn you!” Valentine demanded, gently jostling you back to the present moment, though your tears only increased, Nick having never cursed at you before.

“Valentine,” you whispered, eyes shimmering, Nick’s fury subsiding to a dull roar as he waited for you to explain yourself. The crease of his brow evened out, the Synth notably more relaxed, though he did not trust you wouldn’t lash out again.

“Go on,” he urged sharply, wanting to get to the bottom of your behavior. It was unnerving, not knowing what else you were capable of at the drop of a dime.

It was an understatement to say that he was surprised when you lifted your arms, pulling the man forward to enfold in your tight embrace. You buried your cheek in the tattered, stained fabric of his coat, crying more softly now as it started to rain.

“Don’t listen to them,” you pleaded, “don’t ever listen to them. You’re perfect just the way you are,” you spoke with earnest, your lips pressing a tender kiss to the spot that lacked a heartbeat, though the gesture stood apart on its own.

“I can’t stand it—the way people treat you, the way they talk down to you—if only they knew—if only they could see what I see—” you sobbed, the sound of your cries muffled against his chest; it was firm, his shirt smelling like coolant and ozone—cigarettes mixed with something earthy—you breathed in deeply, overcome with silent relief when Nick placed his metallic hand on the crown of your head.

“I... I appreciate you, doll,” he started, his voice turning toward a soothing cadence, the way he pet your hair in long, slow strokes comforting you more than it should. “But you didn’t have to do that; would have preferred if you didn’t. Jerks like him get their comeuppance, but it shouldn’t be at the price of dirtying your hands.”

You had never been this intimate with him, nor had you ever planned to be—his words were unscripted, and his affection given of his own volition. You curled in tighter, nuzzling your way into the crook of his good arm, wanting to entomb yourself there for all eternity.

“I’m sorry,” you offered apologetically, feeling the pressure of Nick’s own arms around you, returning your hug, making you feel as if you could die happy at this moment, not minding in the least that there was an unconscious, bleeding man lying only a hairbreadth away. “It hurts me, like I know it hurts you.”

Nick was quiet, mulling over the fact it didn’t do you or him any good to disparage his own person when there were others to do it for him. He had never considered the effect it might have on those around him; it came naturally to want to harp on his own shortcomings—or had it come natural to the real Nick? That was the million-dollar question, wasn’t it.

“You’re right, it does. But I shouldn’t let it bother me, not when I have people like you by my side.”

“I love you, Valentine,” you countered, not recognizing the softness of your own voice. You felt a shift beneath you, your head being coaxed to rise by way of a slow tilt of your chin.

Nick stared down at you, gleaming, golden eyes emoting dolefully as he gazed into yours. He held a deep-seated sorrow, not only for you, but for himself, wishing that he was human, if only so he could touch you, hold you, kiss you the way he wanted to.

“That’s not the smartest thing you’ve ever said, but I take it you mean that,” Valentine replied, bending low to brush soft, silicone lips across yours of flesh and blood; they were cool and rough in texture, but not unpleasant. The fact he was kissing you at all was a dream come true.

“With all my heart,” you replied, cupping the Synth's battered cheek in the bowl of your palm, fingers trailing over artificial skin in a light caress.

“So, that’s what this was all about,” he remarked, conjuring up a smile. “You know, I’d give you mine,” he added solemnly, his glum tone indicative of something he was not telling you.

Instead of elaborating, Nick changed the subject, always one to brighten a dark mood. “Next time, just tell me what’s on your mind instead of beating the living daylights out of some poor schmo, all right?”

You managed a smile of your own, delighting in his sarcasm, glad for the fact your confession had taken a lighthearted turn. “I can’t make any promises,” you quipped.

The detective gave a small shake of his head, that lopsided, infectious grin of his spreading up one side of his face. “Taking a page out of my book, are you?”

“I learned from the best,” you breathed, kissing him once more. Though selfish of you, for all you cared, the world could undergo another nuclear war, and you wouldn’t bat a lash, not for as long as you had your funny Valentine.

[brokenpieces-72]

Dim Lights

Navigation Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist.

TW: dark imagery, very dark visuals, like dang my brain went kind of fucked doing this one.

By now you’re bloody exhausted. You’ve been sitting around the pool table going over everything with Laswell, Charly and Alex. Everything you know, everything they know and putting everything together that will fit. Charly and Alex were playing pool while you were fighting to stay awake, Ghost’s cat curled up in your lap.

Alex may be off the force now, but he still has some friends in the right places who can get evidence. Evidence that can let Farah go free, and maybe give you an edge on your current case. If you could put the officers on the boats without proof they were undercover you could at least reduce the sentence, maybe hope for bail. Laswell could represent them in court but even then it’s still a matter of proving them innocent. There were still two components you needed to make everything else work.

Nolan, and the key.

“If we have Nolan we can bring down Makarov a lot easier.” Charly comments.

“Milena’s dealings going public would make funding a lot harder.” Alex suggests.

“No.” You manage to say, half awake. They look over at you. “Makarov is away, that’s my time limit to solve this case properly.”

“If you solve this case properly, they will all be imprisoned.” Laswell reminds you.

“You know what I mean. I need to get evidence that solves this in their favour.” You say.

“Proving Makarov is behind it will do that.” Laswell says.

“Trying to prove someone like Makarov is corrupt will take too long, I don’t even want to think about what he is doing right now. I want to focus on getting the guys out. Plan a is to solve this case, plan b is doing it the ugly way. Plan c is last resort.”

“What’s plan b?” Alex asks, though he’s already guessing.

“Breaking them out.” You say, nonchalant. Charly smirks at that. “It’s more idea b, cause I don’t know how I would break them out.”

“What’s plan c?” Alex asks leaning on the pool cue.

“Not sure I want to think about it, and it’s only there if I can’t figure this out before Makarov comes back and takes the case into his own hands.” You exclaim. “Right now they’re the only ones who can put him in the ground, as eye witnesses. Makarov knows that, and since he’s taking time off it means he’s planning for them.”

The three could have guessed that, but they stay silent for your thoughts to be out loud and in the open. The silence also leads you to realize something.

“He’s digging their graves.” You say out loud. The other three had considered that but didn’t want to think about it. If Makarov couldn’t get a conviction or confession in his favour he’d make his own judgement. Your father had been on the other end of that judgement. You had to work quickly.

You need to get them out.

“I don’t care what we have to do. If I find Nolan and get him to cough up what he knows, we can redirect their reason for being there. Need him to cough up everything about that night.” You say.

“You vs the big ugly brute doesn’t look good for ya love.” Charly says. “You’re going to want help.”

“Where do we start looking?” You ask.

“I’ll ask around.” Alex says. “We need to find him and fast.”

You nod absently, looking down to see the cat was wiggling on her back. You gave her some belly scratches, welcoming the distraction. Laswell sighs, and stretches.

“I’ll need to get to work putting a defence for John together. Alex, get whatever you can and I can add it.” Laswell says, getting a nod from Alex.

“Call me when you find the ugly fuck.” Charly says, heading for the door with Laswell. Alex smirks before turning back to you once the door closed behind the two women. He sees you still playing with the cat, lost in thought. He sets the cue aside and lowers himself on to the couch. Alex fiddled with his prosthetic leg getting comfortable on the couch with you.

“Graves talked to me about what happened.” Alex says. You stop for a moment and then go back to playing with the cat, making her paw at your fingers. He moves a bit closer so he’s beside you on the couch. Alex is propped on his elbows leaning forward.

“How’s Farah?” You ask. Alex looks back at you and then forward again.

“Herself. She’s strong and her charges are minor. Push comes to shove I can cough up the money for bail. Means she’ll be on a leash though.” Alex says thinking about her. He can’t deny her determination. You’ve seen how he looks at her. The way she looks at him. There’s a beautiful respect there.

“How are you doing?” He asks. You stop playing and the cat rolls back over looks up at you. You shrug, unsure what to say.

“I thought I was fine with breaking the rules. I want to do this the right way but… I’m not my father.” You say, still thinking about what Price said.

“Your father got help from Price.” Alex says, seeing your expression. “Price got help from you.”

“Whole lot of shit it did for him.” You say, getting a small lump in your throat.

“You’re helping him now.” Alex says.

“Because Ghost helped me.” You argue.

“So did your father.” Alex says.

“But I’m not him!” You protest, your eyes tearing. “I’m not my dad, and I don’t want to be. I don’t get a choice anymore, I have to be my dad so I don’t get myself killed. I need to be dad or I lose everything my dad ever built, everything he ever left me with. And all I’m doing is sitting here, praying for a miracle to happen because I don’t know what else I can do. For all I know Nolan is already with Makarov, hiding away somewhere! If I… if I had just kept my stupid mouth shut, left Graves out of it, then none of this would have happened! I wouldn’t be alone…”

It feels good to let it out, even if hurts. You just don’t know what else to say. Alex listens and lets you get it out. Not the first time he’s been a shoulder to cry on.

“Y/n. We are going to beat Nolan until he spills more than his guts. You are not alone, you don’t need to be and you sure as hell shouldn’t be tonight.” Alex says. You sniff, and use your hoodie sleeve to wipe your eyes.

“Come here.” Alex says, and puts an arm on you, holding you tight. You need this. It helps a lot. You and Alex may not be close but he was one of the few you could rely on. You lean into his side and he lets you sit there with him, crying it out. The cat turns in your lap, and reaches up, head butting you. You give her some pets as she nuzzles into you.

“Feeling a little better?” Alex asks. You nod, sniffling a bit more.

“Thank you.” You croak.

“You have any blankets?” He asks. You look up at him. “Not leaving you alone in a safe house like this that’s for sure. Tomorrow we can start looking for answers. Sleep first, food in the morning, and then we get evil.”

“You’re not your father… you’re not your father… you’re not your father…”

You’re sitting across from Ghost at first and the key is on the table. Ghost has his balaclava, and suddenly is behind you with the key dragging across your throat. You feel yourself choking on something warm and thick. Suddenly you’re shoved to the ground.

You’re in the warehouse again, with Alejandro and Rudolfo staring down at you, skull masks on their faces. Everything around you is a blur.

“You’re not your father…”

As you stand up you feel a hand gripping your arm leading you past the two Los vaqueros. They stare you down, and you feel like the wind is knocked out of you. You can’t make out the person dragging you to a car, more focused on walking. Every step is heavy, and as you get closer to the familiar car you feel nothing but guilt. You see Gaz opening the door.

“You’re not your father.”

You get in the car, and see Soap in the front seat. The drive feels long and unending. Your head is foggy and you keep hearing voices. As you approach a building you start to panic. Not here. Not here. Anywhere but here!

“You’re not your father.”

You’re back home. It’s late. Not here. Please not here.

“You’re not your father.”

You see the door open, and Graves walks in, shirt covered in blood. When you look past, you see Farah on the ground, completely still. You hear a hauntingly familiar voice call out. When you turn you see yourself, as a little kid running towards Graves. When you look back you see Makarov holding younger you in a hug.

You reach for yourself, wanting to pull yourself away but some grabs you hand. You look back and see him.

“You’re not your father… you’ll never be your father.”

Price stares into your eyes and you feel nothing but hopelessness. You turn back and see the younger you being picked up by Makarov. No you can’t let him take you. You try to fight against Price but he holds you close, your screams are muted.

No. No you have to save them. You keep struggling and freeze. There’s a gun to your head.

“You’re not your father.”

The gun fires.

Alex hears you moaning and comes into your room, shaking you awake. You’re twisting and writhing, crying out, begging for someone to let you go.

“Kid! Wake up! Wake up!” Alex says. You wake and cry out, lashing out. Alex is able to work quickly and take you by the wrists, pulling you into a hug. Your heart is pounding and your mind is racing as Alex helps you ground yourself, hushing you and keeping a firm hand on the back of your head.

“Just a dream… it’s only a dream.” He says over and over, even after you put your arms around him, clawing at his shirt.

Then why do you still feel hopeless.

Taglist: @yourlovely-moon @kaoyamamegami @h0n3y-l3m0n05 @sans-chara @1mommyrose4ever29 @smitten-haematite-quartz @talia-the-gemini @yuki2129 @whitetiger846 @graystorm444 @chibiduck @reaperxxxxzz @danielle143 @sobbingnshtting @cringeycookies @cryingpages @dcnocap207 @reaper-chan666

[from-a-legends-pov]

Star Wars Legends Highlight of the Week: “You showed up for your wedding day with a blaster?”

In this feature, a fan will share one thing they love from Star Wars Legends - a book, a comic, an author, a character, a scene, an event, or anything else they want to highlight – and tell us more about it.

If you, too, love Legends, follow @from-a-legends-pov and check out our From a Legends Point of View fanfiction event, where we’ll be working with writers to build a collection of Star Wars Legends fanfiction set during the time of the Original Trilogy. Writer signups are open now through June 2, 2024 – use our Signup Form here to pitch your story concepts (Signup Guidelines available here), and please encourage your favorite writers to participate!

Today’s Legends highlight is an arc from the 2013 Star Wars comics run from Dark Horse Comics, in which Leia Organa attempts to get the Rebels a new base by agreeing to marry the crown prince of Arrochar, and we’re talking with @lajulie24.

Tell us about your Legends highlight. What is it? What’s it about?

My highlight is part of the “Rebel Girl” arc from the 2013 Star Wars comics from Dark Horse Comics. The overall arc starts in issue #12, where we first hear about Arrochar, but the main parts of the arc are in issues #15-18, where things come to a head. The arc is set about a year after Yavin, and Leia comes back from a private mission and announces that the Rebels have been offered a base on the world of Arrochar, a planet in Hutt space, in exchange for Leia agreeing to marry their crown prince. Everyone from Mon Mothma to Han Solo to Wedge Antilles to Luke Skywalker is pretty dubious about this idea — Luke being the worst, and getting grounded by Wedge because his sulking is making him do a lot of reckless things during flight exercises— but Leia already feels extremely guilty about Alderaan and about recent losses, so she’s ready to go through with it.

Basically things start looking pretty shady on Arrochar from the jump, and Leia is not really happy about what she’s about to do, but she’s preparing for the wedding when the palace is bombed and a group of Star Destroyers shows up! Turns out one of the royal advisors betrayed the crown prince and has been courting the Empire the whole time (unbeknownst to the prince, who genuinely was into Leia and was sad that she wasn’t really into him). Luckily, Leia in fact did bring a blaster to her own wedding, she and Mon escape, Luke quits sulking long enough to defeat the trap he was lured into and escape with Han on the Falcon, and the Rebels’ new ion cannon saves the day.

What makes this a Legends highlight for you? What do you love about it?

Like many of the comics, this arc is a little bumpy for me — the quality of the artwork is a little uneven from issue to issue, with Leia getting some pretty weird expressions at times, and I do get annoyed that so often Leia’s plot lines tend to be things like “Leia tries to get needed resources for the Rebels by sacrificing herself” or “some fancy rich guy wants to marry Leia”, both of which are present here. But there are several things that make this arc enjoyable despite that, including:

1. Leia fixing X-Wings in her tank top my beloved (this also very much annoys the royals of Arrochar because she’s not proper enough for their tastes, also earlier in this series Leia is regularly flying an X-Wing in combat, so lots of great pilot Leia visuals)

2. Han and Wedge both talk with Leia about her decision and while they respect it, they don’t like it (as evidenced by a gritted-teeth conversation between them before the wedding) and have each tried to let her know that she doesn’t need to do this for the Rebellion, that’s she’s done enough for the cause.

3. There is some gentle future HanLeia ship teasing throughout, including a few scenes where it’s clear Han’s preoccupied with someone and it’s definitely not the attractive fellow contractor he’s been working with (she notices that he’s distracted, and that it’s not about her).

4. There is a brief moment where we learn that Red Squadron has just been approved to use the “Rogue” designation, i.e. the beginning of Rogue Squadron here.

5. And of course, Leia does in fact bring a blaster to her own wedding, which she gives to Mon Mothma right before using her hand-to-hand combat skills to fuck up some guards (and obtain a new blaster in the process).

Basically, I enjoy that it’s centered around Leia, that she shows off her flying, mechanical, and combat skills, and that the people around her actually value her for those skills and feel like she deserves so much more than to be a bride in the court of Arrochar.

To learn more….

If you’d like to read more about this comics arc, check out Star Wars: Rebel Girl or Star Wars (2013): #12-18 at your favorite comic book store or online, or read the entry on Arrochar or the Rebel Girl entry on Wookieepedia.

And be sure to check out @from-a-legends-pov and our From a Legends Point of View fanfiction event. Writer signups are now open — access the Signup Form here (step-by-step Signup Guidelines available here), as well as our Overview and FAQ.

[the-burd-lord]

We interrupt this break and fnaf posting to bring you Hazbin redesigns/rewrites!

Disclaimer: Do not support the show or Viz in any way. I normally don’t recommend this, but if you want to watch it “do what you want cause a pirate is free!” I am simply making these redesign/rewrites for fun and cause this show has made me kinda mad. It’s also so easily addictive to redesign/rewrite em.

His colors aren’t that bad in the original design. It’s about 5 colors that all pop from the main pallet of hell and main cast. Although they are oversaturated to the point where your eye is mainly drawn to his wings, especially in a full body shot. So I toned down the colors and made the feathers on his head that same blue to make it stand out. Also changed his halo to a nimbus to accentuate his heavily status, and to make sure the eye goes to the face first.

I added more bird motifs into his design to make him more visually distinct from the traditional demon designs from hell. So he will not only stand out due to the bright yellows and blues in the design, but also in silhouette.

I don’t really understand the point of making him look like a demon. I get that it may be irony? Although, the audience is gonna immediately know that “hey maybe this guy isn’t as angelic as we thought” especially if you show it through actions and use of language. And I don’t mean having him cuss every five seconds. Making him look less demonic also adds to a bit of “temporary deception.”

Made the rock influences stand out more in the design. On the one hand there’s giving him a full on leather jacket, or giving him 80’s or 90’s punk/hair band outfits. On the other, there’s giving him a leather jacket, wrist spike bracelets, and 80’s hair over his more traditional robes just to show that dissonance. Cause heaven probably wouldn’t like rock in the cliched way, and it’d be funny to show it.

Might just end up giving him two designs.

Bird wants to listen to AC/DC but god says no.

Then there’s how I would change his character. There wasn’t really a strong enough impression of a character in the show, although to be fair they were juggling way too many ideas and characters and kinda ended up fumbling all of them but I digress.

Here’s a rough idea of how I would change his character- heaven’s idolization and disdain of him leads him to devolve into toxic masculinity. Because of this, he ruins every relationship has and leads to him seeing his own interests as having little value. Despite this he’s just a band nerd deep down.

Essentially just listen to Colossus by Idles, and you’ll get the idea.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

[cerebralinvasion]

yandere february event day 12

“I don’t mind being a monster as long as I’m your monster.”

the first thing that hit you was the smell. a sharp metallic scent overtaking your senses before you even opened the door to the room. your face scrunched up. your nostrils burned from just how strong the smell was.

the second thing that hit you was the visual, the blood smeared all around the room, limp bodies pervaded with puncture wounds and slashes. it was a mess, and standing in the middle of all of it was akutagawa. the bodies had to have been fresh. probably killed less than thirty seconds before you entered the room. the blood was still wet, and akutagawa was still facing them.

it probably would have been in your best interest to leave quietly. turn around and report it to the police, but your instincts acted before your mind did. you stumbled back from the doorway with a yelp. naturally, akutagawa heard you. he snapped his head in your direction before grimacing. he seemed annoyed. shit.

you didn’t know akutagawa well. not as well as he knew you, at least. you’ve only seen him a couple of times in passing. you don’t know what his reaction or lack of response means. you don’t know how he managed to kill all those people so quickly and without getting blood on himself. all you knew at the moment was that he was dangerous and that he knew you saw him murder those people. you scrambled away as quickly as you could, throwing yourself in the opposite direction, only to fall. something had grabbed your leg. some kind of black tendril attached to his coat, you couldn’t get away. was he going to kill you now? you whimpered, you didn’t want to die.

“you’re so meddlesome, did you know that? if you could just mind your own business this wouldn’t be an issue.” akutagawa’s words probably weren’t all that wrong. if only you hadn’t been so curious, you never would’ve investigated the room in the first place.

“i- i’m sorry, i won’t tell anyone! please don’t hurt me.” you spoke quickly, you had no idea how much time you had before he made the decision to simply end you. but your words only seemed to make him more annoyed.

“if i wanted to kill you, you’d be dead already.”

“ah, i, huh? so you’re gonna let me go?” you let a shaky smile take over your face, a glimmer of hope gracing you.

“absolutely not.” what little hope you held died. “it’s too late for that. if i let you run off now, you’ll only cause me more issues.”

“so, what’re you going to do?” you spoke, genuine confusion lilting your voice. he didn’t intend to kill you but he also wasn’t going to let you leave? what happens next?

“i suppose i’ll have to take you.”

“take me?” before you could get further into your question, the tentacle on your leg suddenly unraveled. you thought you were freed for a quick moment, only for it to reward itself around your torso, lifting you into the air. “ah-!?”

“i cant have you running off, but i’m not too keen on exterminating you right now. so i’ll keep you around.”

“ack!? what no! lemmie go!”

“would you rather end up like this guys?” he motions his head in the direction of the dead bodies. was that a threat? suddenly all the quiet fear you held replaced itself with an angry panic. the begging had done nothing and now your words began to spill before you could think.

“you fucking killed all those people, and now you’re trying to abduct me! let me go, you’re insane. you’re a monste-mmmf!!” your words were cut short by the tendril wrapping over your mouth, muffling you.

“monster? yes, i’ve heard that before. perhaps it’s true, i might be a monster, but you’re mine. and that’s what matters.”

[reactionimagesdaily]

The Image Tags Masterpost

(As its own post thanks to a suggestion from @oregano-gremlin! gracias)

Every image is tagged with one of these tags, for organisation purposes! ^_^

(Also It’d be a HUGE pain to go back and re-organise them so, while suggestions for new categories/adjustments to existing ones are appreciated, I’m almost definitely not gonna follow through on any of them.)

(Also I am uh. Putting this under a read-more because it’s longer than I thought it was gonna be when it’s all laid out lmao)

#[undefinable] - for images that don’t really fit into a single mood, or have a mood that isn’t accurately represented by one of the other tags

#;_; - for images that are the big sad

#Hell yah - for celebratory, “nice”-type images

#Hell nah - for images that simply embody the concept of “no”, “no thanks”, “not for me”, e.t.c.

#Frick the frack off - slightly violent images used to tell someone to begone or that they are unimpressive

#Y’all are heathens - images that demonstrate disdain, confusion, or general contempt for your group chat

#Ah shit - images that convey “oh fuck”, “oh no”, “oh heck”, “oh shit”, and so on

#Depression time - for images that can be used to either show genuine sadness, or a weary sort of “oh God” that is less emotive and more resigned than an #Ah shit image

#Huzzah - celebratory images

#w h a t - images which convey just. total incredulity and bafflement

#F - for images that pay respects

#ooh-de-lally - images to be used for things that are exciting, spicy, or generally just make your eyebrow quirk up a bit

#Cursed - cursed images

#Wow - images that either convey a sense of genuine wonder, or demonstrate like. “yeah cool story bro”

#I LOVE YOU!!! - images you can use to show affection to any loved ones you are fortunate enough to have

#Welp - for images that aren’t very emotive or very specific, but rather channel that face you make when someone’s talking about something and you have no real idea how to react

#Genuine mirth - images that express, well, genuine mirth

#Contemplation time - I like to think this one is self-explanatory lmao

#Horny on main - not for NSFW stuff so much as stuff where it’s just a guy saying “hehe boobies” or whatever

#:) - happy pickturs

#Fear - fear

#Called out - honestly this one’s a bit inconsistent but it’s either for when you yourself have been called out (“you got me there”) or for when you’re calling someone ELSE out (“cool motive, still murder”)

#Free Real Estate - for images based off of those legendary seconds

#Gratitude amigo - images that say thanks

#Trans rights - because trans rights are human rights

#Disgustan’ - for when you need to express disgust with an image

#Disney - images @ that specific megacorp

#I am so great - images for when you’re proclaiming your own greatness (or at least an amount of self-satisfaction)

#Stole your meme lol - for those images you see everywhere on twitter indicating that someone likes your meme/image and have saved it for their own use

#Genuine reassurace - images that express, well, genuine reassurance

#[Music stops] - there are lot of parodies of the initial “music stops” image, and I have many of them

#Gweetings - images that say hi

#I will cause problems on purpose - images with those vibes

#Ambivalent - because sometimes you need to visually express how little you care

#Bog Moss - this is actually the tag for images that are like “mood” or “same” - I tag them ‘bog moss’ because of an inside joke lmao

#Mockery - bully your friends with this specific collection

#Please exercise empathy - for images that basically say “I don’t know how to expain to you that you should care about other people”

#Nice music - images dedicated to saying that specifically music is good

#Sic ‘em - for images that carry a similar energy to Mayor Tyler from Gravity Falls going ‘git ‘em! git ‘em!’

#Grooving - images that convey the emotion of dancing

#You are not immune to propaganda - I have no idea where that edit of Garfield came from, but there are LOADS of edits, so they all get their own category

#Think of the economy - for images designed to satirise people who prioritise stonks and the economy (which CAN be important, I won’t knock ‘em) over human life

#Silence! - you know that image of the crab lasering something? Yeah, there are a bunch of those, so they get their own category

#Genuine wrath - images that express, well, genuine wrath

#Pretty sus NGL - images designed to help convey suspect or suspicion

#Gotta go fast - images that go quick nyoom

#Ight Imma head out - parting is such sweet sorrow, as these images will demonstrate

#Case Closed - for image that indicate that some kind of mystery has been solved, or that some kind of question has been answered

#Not-okay cute things - for those images where it’s like, a plush toy captioned with “I can’t fucking take it”. those sorts of images. they have a category

#Oucho - for images that convey pain but aren’t quite in the realm of ;_;

#Ok boomer - Y'all remember ok boomer?

#Chillaxing - for image that surmize a specific chillaxed vibe

#Nice dub - using this one for pics of that one specific guy in all those pictures where he’s congratulating people’s Ws and Dubs

[oh-shtars]

Reach for the Stars! AU QnA:

(Part 2)

Part 1

May I give a reward to @wings-of-sapphire for completely being the cause of Part 2?

LMAO, thanks so much Sapphire! You’re the best ✨🥰

Onto the questions!!

1.) Are there any other ships you’re going to add? (Other than the given Ashueño and royal couple?)

Ashueño and the royal couple (Magnaya? Amnifico? Idk) are definitely there.

Other ships? Well, there is one but you’re going to have to wait and see to find out.

If you’re thinking Halzeema, no not really. Sorry guys 😅

They’re close friends and really fond of each other, but I’d like to put some QPR representation in the back too. As an ace person, I feel like these kinds of relationships need more recognition. :))

…….

2.) Are you adding any new characters in the story? Like for example, I’m adding Evangeline.

Not really?? I guess there would be some random citizens and maybe some mentions of the 7 teens parents, but they don’t really play a major part.

The already existing characters do play very different roles than they did in the canon movie. (For example, Sabino not being Asha’s paternal grandfather and is instead a close friend of Tomás during his time working in the castle.)

But other than that, there’s really nothing new that I know of.

………..

3.) If you could use one word to describe each of the characters of RFTS, what would they be?

Asha = Compassionate

Sueño = Fun-loving

Magnifico = Vengeful

Amaya = Ambitious

Valentino = Bold. Sometimes too bold for his own good.

……..

4.) How long do you predict your story to be? Have you plotted it all out yet or are you more of a “see where it takes you” writer?

Hmmmm, I don’t actually know. Looking at my outline, it looks like it’s going to be quite a long story. Maybe even novel-length. Plus, all the unplanned in-between scenes would add more to it.

Though, I doubt you’ll get bored reading it. I think-

Hopefully not. 😓

When writing, I prefer to really outline my planning because I would HATE to write myself in a corner and not know what happens next. Imagine restarting and rewriting your work T_T.

With a defined plan, I’d be confident enough to just write because I have a guide to follow right next to me :D

But dammit, the middle of the story and what happens in there is killing me.

I DON’T KNOW. AHHHHH HELP-

……..

5.) Is there a certain scene you’re super excited to write? What about one you’re dreading?

There is like one scene where Sueño really loses his sht and me, as the lovely author~, get to have the fun and satisfaction of knocking Mag’s pride down.

Muahahahaha-

I’m also pretty excited to write the “At All Costs” scene and the final battle because DAMN, something possessed me to make up pretty good ideas for them. But I’m also really looking forward to writing character dynamics and how fun it would be for them to interact with each other.

For scenes that I’m dreading to write?

The middle of everything. And.

The Middle.

Did I mention I’m stuck in the middle?

KCNEICJEOFKDKSKS THE FREAKING MIDDLE-

……

6.) How are you going to show the songs/lyrics changes to said songs?

I’ve actually already answered this same question with chillwildwave.

I’m writing them out similar to Anny’s, I guess. I’m no animator, so I can’t really show them visually. I would use gifs and my own drawings to visually show what’s going on though.

I would be either tweaking the lyrics of some of the canon songs or in some certain scenes, pretend there’s a song being sung there and just describe what’s going on.

I might also be using some already pre-existing Disney songs to set the vibe and reference what I’m going for.

Yeaaaaah, sorry I can’t write songs even if my life depends on it. 😭

………

7.) Do you have any sneak peaks you can give us?

Sneak peaks huh?

Hmmmmmmmmmm…..

Okay, maybe some screenshots of my outline and some quotes I wrote down.

Enjoy these random moments of Asha interacting with her family: ☺️

………..

8.) Do you have any voice actors chosen yet?

Actually, I’m pretty fine with the canon voice actors we have now. So they’ll just be voiced by the same people.

(Chris Pine and Ariana were good in their role, change my mind.)

Though I was thinking about this very fun thought on what Sueño might sound like if he could speak. Imagine that! :D

So far, I’ve really just headcanon Sueño’s voice similar to Adam Young, aka Owl City. I love listening to his songs and it’s funny, because I can REALLY envision Sueño singing these songs because it just…fits. ^^

“Shine Your Way” is a pretty cool duet that really fits Starsha in my opinion too. ✨✨

……..

9.) How are you exploring the world building of Rosas?

I’m not entirely sure what you mean with this question. I guess through the use of songs, dialogue and bits of flashbacks and examples of magic?

Sorry if I didn’t answer this right. 😅

………

10.) How much research do you do for your storyline?

*Remembers how I’ve spent around an hour to find a name for Sueño and how I’ve spent ages to find inspiration for the magic rules of this world and a monarch system that isn’t completely historically accurate but enough to make a bit of sense*

…..A normal amount. Why do you ask?

………

*holds hands up*

OKAY OKAY! I’M DRINKING! I’M DRINKING!! 🏃‍♂️💨

………

@annymation @gracebethartacc @emillyverse @uva124 @chillwildwave @tumblingdownthefoxden @spectator-zee @mythartist21

I’m still open to having a Part 3 if you guys are interested :))

[blushyeleven]

pls do a Reneé rapp x reader story or Regina x reader PLEASE

I acc had a lot of fun writing this fic😭 so I hope you guys enjoy!!

characters: lee!y/n, ler!reneé

warnings: tickles

summary: Reneé and y/n get into a mini argument while y/n gets in a lee mood and Reneé tries to get them to forgive her

𝑲𝒆𝒆𝒑 𝒐𝒏 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒚 𝒈𝒊𝒓𝒍

Reneè was sat on the other end of the sofa, on her phone, busying herself and distracting herself from the loud obnoxious silence that was lingering in the air like a bad smell.

See, a few moments earlier you two had a squabble, a silly bicker, over your plans for this evening. You wanted to go out to a club.. spend some time with your girlfriend and your friends and just let loose while drinking to your hearts content.. without a care in the world. Whereas Reneé had the idea of spending the evening cuddled up, watching films. On a normal day Reneé loved partying, loving the blasting music and getting so drunk that your visual became paralleled. And also normally, you wouldn’t put up a fight staying at home with her. As much as you preferred to go out, you also equally loved the nights you two spent in your own company. Cuddled up on the sofa, ordering takeaway and binge watching whatever Rom-com you wanted. It sounded basic and overdone, but you didn’t care. Aslong as you were in Reneé’s company. Although, the fact you had this planned since last week.. with all your friends on board.. timing, outift, everything. And Reneé for some unknown reason decided otherwise.. last minute. Ofcourse she insisted you go without her, not wanting to cause your plans to collapse because of her. But you, being the stubborn, clingy girlfriend you were.. refused to go without her. You two came as a package deal after all.. wherever you saw Reneé.. you were also there. And vice-versa. But you both liked it like that. Having the sense of contentment knowing that your favourite person was always with you. Yet, tonight.. there was a small mishaps in your brilliantly executed plan. this is where you two butted heads.

Instead of talking it out and coming to a compromise, you both came to the unspoken agreement that you were both going to sit in silence. Avoiding it. Avoiding the conversation, knowing it was pointless anyway.

That was until you heard a soft sigh, you didn’t even bother to look up.. until you heard the gentle, loving voice that you adored. “You can’t still be mad at me” Reneé said, temporarily looking over to see you still curled up in the corner. Shielding yourself. “I don’t want to talk about it” you admitted stubbornly. Still watching the tv. “Listen, im sorry okay? Im just too tired tonight” She said, rubbing her hand against her face in slight irritation for your poor attempt at cooperation. “and I said it’s fine, I’m not going either.” you replied blankly, zero expression or emotion behind your words. Reneé couldn’t decide what she hated more, the fact she disappointed you or the fact you tried to act like you didn’t care.

“hey, don’t be like that” she had a hint of sympathy in her tone as she shuffled closer. While you we’re still remaining in your ball of self protection. Was it a little bit petty that you practically refused to even look at her over this?.. maybe. Although the majority of this was because you were mad at her.. you also had been struck with needy mood. The mood were you craved.. tickles. And Reneé obviously knew about these moods and tickled you senseless all the time, she knew it made you happy, it brought you joy. It made you smile. And who was she to deny that right from her precious girlfriend? Also on top of the fact she found it adorable. The way something so simple and easy made you feel all happy and smiley. She would be lying if she didn’t say she also loved the way you couldn’t help but giggle.. every time.She couldn’t get enough of the sweet and adorable sound. Plus the way you squirmed and the incoherent sentences that you giggled out. And the way it left you all affectionate and clingy afterwards. She made it very known that it was her favourite activity. Although you never admitted out-loud when you were in these moods.. overtime Reneé picked up quickly on the symptoms. Being quiet, a little whiny and a touch of brattiness were the three major ones.. and the ones you were displaying very clearly In front of her.

Reneé sighed again, seeing your quiet and vulnerable state. “Is there anything I can do to make you forgive me?” She asked simply, her eyes drifting over your curled up body. Well, that question made your ears perk up. Yes, yes there was something that she could do. But being as difficult as always you gave her a blank shrug and turned your face into the pillow to hide to hide your small smile. This small action gave Reneé a glimmer of hope, a pause in the awkward, hushed atmosphere. As she raised a brow with a small smile of her own, but it was playful. “hm, okay fine by me.. be difficult then” there was a noticeable edge of teasing in her tone.. as she shuffled closer. sitting on her knees right next to you. “But I think I know exactly what you want” and with that, her hand reached out to your side giving it a light poke.. causing you to dig your face further into the pillow.. muffling your squeak. although the instinctive jump that followed after the poke wasn’t hide-able.

In spite the fact you were faced away from Reneé, you could practically feel her burning smirk as she poked you again.. and again and then released a flurry of pokes against your side. Warming up to the bigger attack. You bit your lip trying to force back any giggles that may escape as you twitched and put your hands out to push at hers. Reneé still smirked down at you, rolling her eyes playfully. “oh come on, you’re never normally this difficult” which was a part lie and she knew it, you loved being complicated during being tickled. It was your way off being bratty. For example, your personal favourite was your constant insistence that you’re not ticklish before melting into a giggle fit everytime. It was more of a way to say ‘I’m ticklish, but still prove me wrong’ and Reneé knew that, but obviously always ‘fell for it’

Nonetheless, she added her other pointer finger from her other hand to the equation, doubling over on the amount of sporadic pokes as it became increasingly harder for you to hide your reactions.

A few more twitches and jumps later; soft, quiet and muffled giggles were heard as you slowly gave in. Knowing you were fighting a losing battle. “Oh? what’s this?” She asked rhetorically, her smirk or her attack never faltering. She already knew she won.. but she couldn’t stop there. “shuhut uhuhup!” You squeaked out, obviously Reneé wasn’t going to let that slide. “oh that’s how it’s going to be is it?” she asked again, her all time favourite way of teasing you was asking you rhetorical questions that she knew you never had an answer to. And because you were still hiding your face.. she decided to sit so her legs were hanging off the sofa and grab you by both your sides, placing you carefully in her lap. But never ceasing the tickles as her hands immediately came crashing back down to your sides, scribbling at them. Causing you to let out another ear-splitting shriek before giggling helplessly and kicking your legs like a toddler.

“ihihim stihihill mahahad ahat yohou!” You spoke incoherently. “hmm, I don’t think you are, I think the only thing your mad about is how you can’t resist me tickling you” your face reacted with a obvious blush, spreading across your cheeks. Mainly because she was right. As much as you pretended to still be mad at her it was hard when you were smiling and giggling. “I mean, I would have thought atleast you would have done a better job at pretending to be mad, but here you are smiling and giggling, you just can’t help it, can you, baby?” She added. Why did she have to be so good at this?! Reneé knew exactly what to say to tease you and get a reaction. And it worked. every. single. time. “Reheheneheheee!!” You said, squirming in her lap more. “yes?” She replied, still with her infamous smirk. See, you had no reason for calling her name.. you just felt like you had to say something. “stohohohohoppp!” Was the best thing you could come up with. although that request was far from what you wanted.. and it was obvious by the smile plastered on your face.

“hm..” Reneé said.. acting as if she was even considering it “no” she added shortly after with a cheeky smile, changing her wiggling fingers to your stomach, digging and scurrying her acrylic nails across it as your shirt bunched up beneath her fingers.She continued to tickle you though it was obvious you weren’t mad at her anymore, you forgave her as soon as she delivered the first poke. At this point she was just tickling you because she could see how much you were so clearly enjoying it. “I cahahahanttt!!” You giggled out, kicking your legs and squirming around helplessly in her lap.

Your whines and useless protests were only fuelling Reneé to continue as she wrapped her arm around your midsection, restricting your squirming as she dug her hands into your armpits as your giggles rocketed into squeaky, high pitched laughter. “HEHEHEHEYY!!” You said, kicking your legs more frantically as the giggles poured out freely to the point it was uncontrollable. “your genuinely the most ticklish person I’ve ever met.. I’m not complaining though” Reneé giggled herself, just watching you practically struggle to contain yourself. “THAHATS A BIHIT DRAHAHAMATIC!!” You squeaked as her nails kept mercilessly clawing into your armpits. Your statement caused Reneé to look down at you with a raised brow and a playful smile “I don’t think it is..” she replied in a sing-song voice, continuing to wreck you and tickle you senseless.

Untill your giggles became a bit more desperate and it was a tail-tell sign to her that you were reaching your limit. So she began to slow down to a hault. Observing as your giggles soften as you still had some left over from her relentless assault. Try as you might, you couldn’t wipe off the smile off your face as you remain cuddled up in her lap.

Reneé’s smile softened before she spoke up “hey.. how about we compromise?” You then looked up at her, your own eyebrows furrowed in confusion. You got so lost in the amazing tickling sensation that you forgot all about your little tiff with her earlier “how about we cuddle up now so I can have a nap.. and then we can go out later” your confused expression melted into a smile, a soft smile. “are you sure?” you asked, trying to contain your excitement. “ofcourse” she nodded a smile of her own. “I love you.” you said, still looking up at her. “I love you more baby” she said and planted a small kiss on your lips.

[multiplicity-positivity]

hello!! do you guys know if there’s a good way to find out if we’re a really low communication or possibly monocon system VS if there’s just a mental barrier between front and headspace? im not sure if this is a good description but we don’t notice super distinct shifts but rather at any given moment to find out who’s fronting we go through a list of all our names and see which ones cause anxiety and which ones fit ok. our communication is abysmal and it feels like there’s a “wall” between whoever is at front and the rest of the system. do we just try and accept plurality until someone from the other side of the “wall” shows up? or are there ways to try and make everything run smoother? sorry this is kind of a lot!!! thank you! — las creaturas sys

this may be a bit more complex than we (a nonprofessional) can really help with. it may take some work with a therapist or even just some time spent focusing on self-reflection and discovering yourself in order to find these answers.

that being said, here’s some stuff we can say with confidence (more or less…):

1. all there is to being plural is being or existing as more than one. if you feel like you share others in your mind, that’s all it really takes to be plural. if the plural framework helps you and is useful for you, you’re welcome to use it, even if you have absolutely no contact with other members of your system.

2. the way that you describe figuring out who’s fronting reminds us of an article we read a while back by a did system. here it is -

maybe the way this system functions can provide a bit of insight into your own system, even if you don’t suspect having did or a dissociative disorder.

3. as far as we understand, headspaces are imagined places created by visualizing something in your mind. we wrote a post about headspaces here:

not all systems actively had to create their headspaces, but for the majority of them, this is true. our own headspace was created through conscious choices made by members of our system. however, our host also struggles to access our headspace. we’re not quite sure why this is. as far as we know, dissociative barriers work by blocking off traumatized alters and trauma memories from the alters who handle day-to-day functioning. we’re not sure if being blocked or cut off from the headspace is a dissociative barrier thing.

4. when first discovering a system, establishing contact with other alters can be ridiculously difficult. especially if you have high dissociative barriers, or system members who are heavily in denial or can’t accept that they’re part of a system. however, we firmly believe that with practice and patience, internal communication can improve with time! our system used to be a huge mess in this regard, but at this point we can communicate with each other decently. it’s still a work in progress, but after 2 years of parts work in therapy and lots and lots of time spent focusing on trying to get in touch with each other, we’re in a much better place and find communication much easier to manage.

we have a post with some basics on establishing contact with headmates. it’s designed for folks with dissociative disorders (as that is our experience), but it may be useful for any kind of system. here it is:

…and that’s pretty much all we can say here. if you’re questioning whether or not you’re monoconscious, perhaps try scrolling though @monoconsciouscultureis to see what sort of experiences systems often submit there, and find out if their experiences align with yours. other than that, we don’t really know what else to say that might be useful.

sorry if this post is all over the place or doesn’t make much sense. we’re wishing you luck with figuring this out. remember, with practice, patience, and persistence, you probably can achieve better communication or at least a better understanding within your system. sending you our best!

🐢 kip and 🌸 margo

[astarionposting]

hi! hope this is okay to ask (: i wanna try my own at swap out companions and use gale and my tav for romance scenes, but other than his own romance scenes etc. i know how to do the swapping thing but i wondered - which companion romance scenes do you recommend to use? i havent tried them all so i dont know which one is which and how they look or anything. would you mind doing a lil description or something for me with the scenes you recommend and a little about them/visuals? etc: astarion scene x - tav does this, astarion does this, mostly nude. etc etc (: also im fully up for the ntsw scenes :D hope this isnt a bother, or if you know a place where i can watch ALL the romance scenes of every companion. sorry this got long. thanks so much!!!!!

Not a bother at all!

My favourite romance scenes are:

Astarion Act 1 (in the forest at night and then depending on when you trigger this scene, you will have a convo in the day or night), Lae’zel Act 1 (u have sex with her and eat her coochie), Shart Act 1 (she invites you to drink some wine with her and then u kiss), Astarion Act 2 (soft hug 🥰 ), Gale Act 2 (He either conjures up an illusion of being at his home in waterdeep and then u have astral projection sex, or he conjures up a bed and u have bed sex), Karlach Act 2 (her kiss and her sex scene in front of the campfire usually, but I haven’t tried it with swapped models yet actually…), Wyll Act 2 (He dances with u and it’s very cute), Astarion Act 3 (Graveyard for spawn Astarion, it is very sweet and some spice at the end when he kisses u/Ascended Astarion basically has sex with u and then turns u into a vampire, it’s very very nsfw), Shadowheart Act 3 (Selunite Shart is like a skinny dipping on the beach together at night and DJ Shart is u put blood on a Selune statue and kiss and then she jumps on u and bites u/puts blood in your mouth) and Wyll Act 3 (he proposes to u with an acorn and then pills u to the ground for some smooches, very very cute), Lae’zel Act 3 (watching the sunrise together, and then u hold hands; nothing beyond that happens and it’s a very warm scene). OH and I forgot to add, minthara’s Act 1 scene: she sits on ur lap and kisses u, then u guys have SEX and she gives u a blow job/eat ur coochie and then u guys cuddle until u wake her up and kiss again—I have also learned the hard way that you can only resculpt Minthara into other body type 1, resculpting her into a body type 2 DOESNT WORK! It is actually horrifying cause her head just disappears lol

I haven’t tried Karlach’s Act 3 yet and I’ve only watched Gale’s Act 3 on YouTube. I’m not very good at describing the scenes lol, so it is better to watch on YouTube to see what you like or just romance the companions and try them out first hand!

As much as I love Halsin’s scene, he is a big boy (we love to see it), so the other companions do not fit his animations, and it looks messed up 💀 just don’t do it it looks so weird LOL

Hopefully this helped with an idea of what most scene entails!! Some are longer than others and it’s easier to get shots, but some are really short and you’ll be reloading the same save like 10 times before getting the right shots 😔😔 I often have to reload scenes like 15+ times to get what I want cause I’ll either miss it/or accidentally unpaused 😭 😭

[thebakunawa]

Errant Kingdom Sucked (Not Worth Buying) 2 out of 5 Game

Okay I need to vent about Errant Kingdom because I LOVED the game when it first came out. But with all the delays and the fact they worked on another game and practically left this and neglected it shows in the game itself. I played a Knight (Maja romance) and I am composing myself as I write this because no words can explain the abysmal disappointment I have in this game. I also have some bones to pick with When the Night Comes so I might write that out later.

So I’ll separate them into chunks:

Story: It felt rushed and at the beginning you could tell they were building it up to something but there was no payoff

The assassination attempt on the rulers of the Kingdom had no bearing later down the game. It’s as if everyone forgot that it happened in the first place.

The cult mentioned or hinted at the start. It was a red herring they failed to capitalize in their writing.

After meeting the King and Queen you’re sent off to a frozen place to play Ambassador. This makes no sense if you don’t play Ambassador and having the Knight just seem so amazing and smooth feels out of character if you don’t headcanon your character this way.

There was no build-up to the other characters accepting you. If anything the story feels as if they had no choice but to accept you into their fold. It made no sense that they would ride or die for you (much less romance you) and the ending had no build up.

There was no hints throughout the game that Erik would be crowned King. The game had to outright point that he was going to be the chosen one. Again that would have worked if there were hints or the story was being angled that way. But no, the villain straight up had to say it.

The build up of working together to even defeat the bad guy had no fucking sense. What do you mean your friends were able to convince their respective factions (assassins and fae) to help you out? What emotional attachment do I have to people I’ve never met in my route and why would they risk their necks to help me?

Speaking of villains, you have no idea why Novoth is weakened or why the King and Queen have any motivation outside of being greedy people. I know you shouldn’t justify all your villains but at least give them a little depth!

The ending was a joke, it felt like a big “Avengers! Assemble!” moment that wasn’t earned at all.

Choices

Your choices throughout the story feel like they have no bearing whatsoever. During the first version of the game there were options on peaceful choices, or more violent options. There was a system supposedly for your character but it was scrapped and now we have a visual novel and less of a choose your own story (which I would have adjusted my expectations if the game marketed itself as such)

Your choices have no bearing whatsoever. You’re given a few options to kiss the character you romance or make a few witty remarks, but over all your choice as a character just feels useless at this point. Your agency is just an illusion and all you can do is let others take the lead. You’re less of an agent of a god and more of just some shiny new toy everyone bosses around.

Romance

I can not begin to stress the utter disappoint–the pain that this game has caused me.

Starting off, as a die-hard Maja romance when the game first came out I had so much hope they’d talk about her past relationship with Erik and exploring how a relationship between you and her and have a good heart to heart talk with the polyoption and the non-polyrelationship option.

What the game does is just FUCK YOU OVER. I feel disgusted genuinely because I didn’t choose a poly option. This was a route that I was going to take with another character I was going to create but the game outright states that Erik and Maja are still together at the end of the fight and even in the epilogue cards. Why the ever absolute sweet Andraste’s tits would you give the option to romance these 2 characters and give non-poly options with both when you’re going to say fuck it and basically still make them end up together. It feels awful and it feels disgusting as a player. The game basically went and said ah yeah fuck your romance and your choice.

This doesn’t even begin to stress how the relationships in this game lost development. You can feel from the first rendition of the game that there was going to be a build up. But now it just slaps on that you guys love each other and live happily ever after! There’s no reason, there’s no bonding, just a few kisses, flirting, and boom together. No talking no discussing just yeah hahah you and me baby <3

From a strong build up with an almost nonsensical continuation of a plot, to inconsistent writing of characters, romances that basically happen all of a sudden with almost no chemistry or conversation and creating characters and moments and expecting us to have an attachment when they literally never introduced us to them:

All in all, I give this game a solid 2 out of 5. (Points for the art work and the strong introduction the game had)

It had so much potential but the devs just squandered it. No apologies can be accepted especially because you can tell they just straight up abandoned this game. I know 2 people were working on this game during a past announcement and it’s not their fault. 2 people dedicated to a big game was sorely lacking and they decided to make “Call me under” and honestly whoever thought it was a good idea to work on both games and ruin Errant Kingdom I hope your food is cold.

But yeah that’s it.

This game is not worth it.

[rainbowr0ses]

Okay part 2 of the protocol journey, idk why I’ve decided to do this, but I’m continuing until I reach the end or run out of motivation. 

This is what I do instead of sleeping (silly… for the most part) if any of this sounds like- off-? Or more unhinged than I usually am? Blame it on my time zone 

(This is after-watching Roses, this episode does talk about serious topics, so I recommend checking the content warnings before listening!)

oh hi Jonny! You’re starting the episode this time? 

Oh hi Alex! Jonny usually does this part, doesn’t he?

Spooky intro! 

Oh that’s a spooky title, knowing the tma/tmp series that is

The SFX my beloved <3 

Dracula-? Hi-?

This categorizing system is so silly to me-

Hahahah she got it wrong!

I love the sounds- it’s so different from the tape recorders

This is gwen right? Cause Alice’s voice is deeper.

I was right! The voices so far are easy to differentiate 

Or maybe I’m just better at it

Damn Gwen 

Alice is so real for that. I say that on a daily basis-

Oh- new scene! 

Oh that’s funky

Zoom-?

THERAPY?????

I- that voice- I recognize this voice

Oh I know that tone from therapists. Mmmm

Whoever you are kinda mystery lady, you are right

Okay, that’s a good way to speak

Patience!!

Fair-

I should not have laughed at the “deep trauma that your itching to unpack”as much as I did-

We love our artists. All forms of artists, but in this case we’re talking about a visual artist

Wtf

I’m sorry- is #makeupfree An actual hashtag-? (I don’t use a majority of social media, because you know (:  )

Ah

Good for you? Feeling more comfy in your own skin?

That’s not a good silence, I know that silence. That’s the thinking silence that means your brain is producing thoughts that aren’t good. Those thoughts are treated respectfully, and those that have them are welcomed in the household, but not the thoughts themself. (Guys I promise I’ve studied psychology-) I paused the episode for this

Continuing!

Daria! Such a pretty name

Ah, makeover is a good term

Oh? Tattoo time?

A generic witchy-alchemist character-? I wanna know who cause that’s so silly. Oh wait it’s generic, would it even be a specific character?

Ah so this is the ink5oul thing

I swear I saw ink5oul x bonzo somewhere. Or maybe it was needle?

Oh?

Pfft-

I can see this tbh (I’ve never watched ink5oul-)

Oh-? I love tattoos like that 

Does ink5oul actually exist-? 

Icky

I love when people are so spooky and use they/them pronouns

Omg

Diversity wins! The tattoo artist who is also an influencer that is causing you excruciating pain is referred to with they/them pronouns!

I unpaused the episode at wasp stings- flash backs to the Jane prentiss statement (🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱)

Heartbeat noise!

Oh passing out from pain is such a trope

Not the mediocre dubstep-

Oh that’s so aesthetic!!

Tbh I wouldn’t complain if that was my tattoo

yeah go get your eeps Daria!

I have no idea how you spell Daria’s name-

Oh yay!! She’s having a good time! I can’t wait for it to be ruined

Oh here It goes

Ah-

Mmh

I see where this is going

I- oh dear- 

WHAT DO YOU MEAN-??

THE FUCK??

oh goodness not “perfect”

I- 

Mh

I’m speechless

I’m-

Oh fucking dear

I. The wording of this is- AAAAAAAAAAAA

This is going to go so so so so so so wrong

YEAH, SHE BETTER SCREAM WHAT THE FUCK

Oh? Valid? 

You see, this is what a therapist should do. 

Valid point, valid point, from the lady who tried to remake herself into something perfect by carving it out on a painting. 

That’s a normal painter people thing probably-

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT LAST LINE-

oh clicking buttons

Alice. Okay Alice and Tim share the same vocal slot in my brain now

That’s so fair actually Alice-

“Paid to not care” I can make so many Political jokes rn-

Camera time!

Echo-y

Alice and Gwen interaction!!

I-??? 

What kind of question?

Oh government stuff

Fucking Alice- I love you so much 

Gwen is my favorite 

I think I like Bouchard characters-

Elias, and not Gwen-

I love one sided conversations, but only when I can understand what’s being said though, but I can get the gist from Alice

Oh she went silent-

Click click click

I love band names-

THE MAGNUS INSTITUTE??

???????

MY INSTITUTE??

I mean. 👀

The computer must be so disappointed

The aggressive beat after its so- quiet? Always jumpscared me (I’ve heard it twice)

Woooo credits!! We love crediting people!! 

[outofangband]

very informal thoughts on the more mundane villains I write (Avranc, Brodda and Lorgan)

mentions of bad stuff from canon ahead

anon who wanted to see this, I hope you do! I’m also going to go back to it tomorrow and finish any edits and additions as I can’t from mobile right now...

third and last time I’m reposting this. apparently Tumblr is once again doing the thing where it doesn’t let you edit things under a cut on mobile 

Avranc

mundane evil at its finest. Bureaucratic, petty, and callous. Depraved indifference is the term I used in my recent meta about The Wanderings of Húrin and it’s the most accurate thing I can say about him. He’s well aware that he’s living in a nigh apocalyptic world and he’ll mistreat or even kill anyone he thinks has earned it.

His cruelty towards completely traumatized Húrin and callousness about Morwen’s death was surprisingly disturbing to me when I first read The Wanderings and it’s stuck with me ever since

Brodda:

I really hate this man! I’m not normal about it, either. If you’ve ever mentioned disliking him even in tags or comments you might have dealt with my overexcited responses. Sorry in advance/in retrospect. It will probably happen again. 

Technically in my published stories he’s only in a few but he features heavily in unpublished stories of mine too. The scene where Morwen scares him away by looking is simultaneously one of the scariest and most amusing scenes in the entire book for me. 

In one of those published stories Aerin says that his best quality is his long periods of absence and the kindest thing he does is ignoring her. That’s the highest character endorsement you’ll get from a reliable source.  The previous batch of Aerin headcanons and the next one has some less than fun facts about him. 

What to say about him? He’s a mid level commander and violent sadist who accuses women of witchcraft. He often ignores Aerin because he gets bored of being cruel to the same people, hence her glowing character endorsement (my sarcasm as well as hers). He’s way too obsessed with his own dagger (hence the title of the story) He’s mostly fun to write when he’s getting stabbed by Morwen with it and the art I have of it is the best thing ever. Earlier last year I thought my dark!Finarfin was the worst character I’d write but I think even he isn’t as bad, if only because dark Arafinwë has more self awareness.   The BoLT version is interesting too because it puts his actions in an even more disturbing light when he’s acting against his own people. I tend to use a combination that has him originally from Hithlum but having left a couple decades before the start of the Narn. I have...thoughts about this including one of the most disturbing things I think I have ever come up with regarding Dagor Bragollach.

Anyways he’s an awful person and needs to stay away from Aerin and Morwen and just about everyone else on the planet. Currently I’m playing with an idea for a wip where Morwen does convince Aerin to flee to Hareth in Brethil and then finds herself accused of causing her vanishment by sinister means.

But I had to work out his character so much for Cut Your Hand As Willingly (semi published, it has its own tag which I’ll put on this post) that I’m not sure I could face writing him again. 

Lorgan: Any visuals I have of him are based on the description of the governor from The Magnus Archives episode Foundations. He’s notable to me mainly for being the guy who Húrin yells at in The Wanderings. Well, one of them. I guess that story does have more than one instance of Húrin yelling at people.   He also apparently considered abducting Niënor. I don’t know exactly what version this was in, I actually thought I invented that in my brain but then two people completely unrelated posted about it so it’s somewhere in HoME. I have a post about it here. It’s kind of pathetic that he failed in this despite the family being actually cursed. Always a possibility for further exploration in dark aus He doesn’t appear in many of my stories except as a background character.

I don’t like him much either but it’s also interesting to imagine versions where he was originally of Húrin’s people too. 

[queen-haq]

Ok first off i wanna say i love aws! SO to say I was very nervous when you started uploading the sequel was an understatement bc. The premise scared me!!! I did enjoy awr but at some parts it felt rushed :/ aws felt more robust with the things that happened. In some chapters it felt like things were rushing for the plot to start unraveling and once it did it felt as if we weren’t delving into the actions of reader/billy. And honestly i didn’t like the ending (ik i’m the worst!) i just expected. More??? I don’t see where billy really understands/feels remorse for whats happened to reader. I didn’t feel like he took any accountability towards how she had to be because of him. It felt like reader grew a LOT and billy just. Didn’t. I would have also liked to see more about billy in regards to how he felt. Like his scars never come up in depth, the idea of reader not being who billy wants visually is touched upon but i would have liked to see the tables turned. It never felt like reader was in charge, even when she was traveling in the last chapter, it felt like billy was repeatedly coming to her rescue which i HATED cause reader is so headstrong! Maybe this is so extra but i also thought that maybe reader would have known fisk bc i vaguely remember her life in chicago was one of survival so i was hoping she would be the one to get them out the mud (seeing that it was billy who ultimately saves her from krista..) even down to the phone call where he finally answers and it’s krista. I wanted billy and reader to really sift thru the dirt of their relationship but i just didn’t feel that :( and some parts just made me think that you really wanted to just finish the story. I would have even loved Billy having a heart to heart w frank or curtis… maybe even davina bc it just felt like every interaction with reader he was hostile to addressing how much damage he truly did to reader. The gala chapter & chapter 11 were my favorite though. Please dont hate Me haq :( i know a lot of people tapped out of the sequel early. But i love reader and billy so much. Now for my second message where i tell u everything i loved

I don't hate you. it's okay to be disappointed, your feelings are valid!

The only thing I can really say is that AWR was never about Billy's growth, it was always about the Reader. Billy's growth was captured in AWS but in terms of an emotional growth he reached his limits in that story. He fell in love with someone who saw teh real him and his whole trajectory changed. In AWR, he shifted sideways when he returned to his immature self and it was about getting him back to being the person he was in the end of AWS. Even him giving Reader space at the end of AWR wasn't him. That kind of love is not organic to him, and it took everything he had to be able to do that. I think that's the most we could expect out of him. He's not a good guy. He never will be. His life begins and ends with Reader and all he wants from this life is for their path to be inextricably linked.

I know my readers wanted him to grovel, to show remorse for who he was after the accident – but here’s the thing, he legitimately did not see that guy as himself. In his mind they were two different people. He can’t and won’t admit to being who that guy was. Because the guy after the accident was someone who never fell in love with Reader, and Billy is who he is now *because* of Reader. There is no him without her.

Reader, OTOH, had always thought her life would end if she ever lost the happiness she shared with Billy. I wanted to convey that even though life would be difficult again, and she’d go through a lot of grief (which wouldn’t always be linear), she would come to realize she *could* be happy again. His loss would be a devastating one but she could survive, and she could even thrive. In the end when she had time and space away from him, she realized she’d started to believe he was AWS Billy again and she chose to be with him on her own terms.

I think maybe why AWR didn’t live up to your expectations was because you, and maybe others, wanted me to show their love for each other was unconditional. But I genuinely don’t believe Billy and Reader’s love is unconditional.

They love each other only and as long as they’re on the same wavelength. They love each other on their own terms, and anything that threatens it (i.e Billy changing into someone else) means that love ends.

In AWS, they fell in love despite themselves. At the end of AWR, she chose that love. I’m probably doing a horrible job of explaining this – lol

I hope AWR didn’t sour you on AWS. If it helps, and I’m not sure it will, this is how I look at it - Billy can’t have a life without Reader. But Reader can, she just chooses to be with him because he truly makes her happy. If he was a different man, she wouldn’t love him.

Thank you so much!

[estatenewsletter]

Estate Staff would like to extend these awards for bravery, kindness, patience, and understanding, to the brave owners of two Container Stores. These store owners have had a hell of a time recently with the Estate while the Staff tried to figure out what the fuck was going on around here, altered medication, and accidentally looked at a place that shouldn’t exist, so along with your awards, please accept the eternal gratitude of the staff, as well as kind words, and an Estate update in the form of a newsletter, for your consideration.

-Staff

*I’m not trying to diagnose myself via Wikipedia here but way too much of this shit i found by accident is hitting way too hard and I’ve been miserable too long so here we go, this is basically what has settled on top of the jumble after a rough weekend and sat there long enough for me to look at it and write it down.

**I just can’t stress enough guys, I do not have these words until I go through this stupid fucking annoying visual thinking process; whatever translations, tumbles, and/or loops; and either I do it in here alone and get lost, or i do it alone on paper/text and plateau, or I bounce it off one of you two fuckers until we’re all miserable and then MAYBE I get it;

BUT y’all engaging me once in a while and following the metaphors and occasionally providing them is not only keeping me on earth instead of space, and reminding me there’s a person in here (because i get fucking LOST in here), but also helps me find the metaphors; and im pretty sure my whole fucking problem is that i don’t just need them to communicate I THINK I LITERALLY NEED THE METAPHORS TO FUCKING THINK GUYS, THIS SHIT IS SCARY.

Anyway I THINK I’m about to like summarize some shit that is causing such a fucking struggle for me and/or possibly y’all right now but also a very important reminder that… all i know is its bad in here, and i am finding out a little at a time how bad it really is by fucking accident

So we know for sure I have ADHD. Diagnosed, currently fucking with medication, not a fun time around here y’all, holy shit, I know it gets rough on your end(s) but please believe I held back what I could, it was …….. nopeville to the max yo. Adderall is a hell of a drug and even when I’m not intentionally adjusting the dosage there have been medication shortages, it’s a new-ish drug for me, etc etc etc obstacle after obstacle and the last two days without it was still no fun

And I’m going through all this miserable shit not even knowing that part of this fucking misery is called VISUAL THINKING until i read the word and it hit me so fucking hard I felt like an idiot for not coming up with that word on my own

I’ve been accidentally dancing all over my own abandonment issues and childhood trauma and like lots of scary places because uhhhhh

y’all just imagine if you dumped all your containers out into a blender, hit purée, and that’s what they’d been your whole life… and you had no fucking idea they weren’t supposed to be that way until someone told you they should be separate for… basically? As far as I can tell? Literally everything in your containers. Whatever you have in a container, I probably don’t even know it should be separate from anything unless someone has told me, because separation does not… appear… to really exist in here. Like the more I try to look around the more I scare the shit out of myself AND wonder how the fuck I’ve been doing this for 30+ years

But to reiterate, the more time i spend in the Estate, and the more time i spend Thinking about the Container Store metaphor, the more I realize that “opposite of container store” sounds more and more accurate all the time and uh more and more terrifying too so thank you both for being patient but um it is possible things may be even worse around the Estate than I think now, let alone worse than I thought yesterday, which was worse than the day before and so on o.o

I saw some shit in a book about dyslexia when i was 17 and I’ve been terrified of it ever since, too scared to get diagnosed because WHY??????? And then when looking for visual thinking, “dyslexia make language center go fuck itself” and did accidental critical damage to myself by surprise, while unmedicated for adhd, in a depression spiral, because

Depression is being medicated with adderall (and i haven’t had any for two days and its a thing that gets the fuck out of your system every night) and anxiety is being medicated with Zoloft which is too new to be effective yet. Oh and so is the obsessive-compulsive behavior but we’re months away from dosage level on that either, so I’m picking at myself like a meth addict constantly

And every time a dog barks the PLEASE DONT BE FUCKING AUTISM???????? Hits a hard reset button on my brain so fast I can’t even see it coming AND half the time it hurts too fuck i hate it here lmao

SO

IF YOU TLDR

IMPORTANT PART HERE

Due to the Above Circumstances,

The Estate Staff is extending the following information regarding future aid from the Staff of aforementioned Container Stores, if they be able to lend aid of any kind; please consider the following suggestions; (but also always remember that your presence in proximity of the mess is the only assistance really required, with an occasional wave or distraction appreciated, but to go the extra mile, consider this a list of notices posted around the grounds until further notice):

Please do not encourage the Chaos Gremlins whenever possible. It is possible the Medical Term for them is Impulse Control Issues and The Staff is fucking miserable. The Staff is aware they are sneaky; so the Staff is aware some may occasionally trick you into engaging them. Staff has been posting warnings for some time, but they appear to have some type of…

independent will and/or intelligence the Staff isn’t fully aware of, and it is scaring the shit out of the Staff; so please, whenever possible, should you accidentally catch the attention of a gremlin; please

Do not Feed

Encourage

Or otherwise Interact with Chaos Gremlins

Additional note on Gremlins: Staff isn’t completely sure yet, but Staff is beginning to suspect that “you’re killing me” is translating into something along the lines of “you are kicking my impulse control issues in the nuts and they are fighting my non-existent language center to stop it from begging you to stop, so please get out of my mental illnesses so I can catch my breath” or like some nuance of that. Now that Staff has become aware of the problem, it should be easier to warn visitors soon, so we appreciate your patience while we get the infestation under control.

(So yeah please this is starting to look like the equivalent of Bruce Banner telling you he needs to go calm down lmao and I think encouraging them in any way is making it exponentially closer to the gremlins merging into a Hulk so I gotta inspect these little fuckers and figure out what to do with them)

Don’t feed the gremlins and for the love of god please do not under any circumstances get them wet (unless you’re a Seagull). The Staff has suspected they were independent of the Staff for some time, but the situation appears to be quite dire, and is beginning to look more like a this-is-unfairly-hard-medical-situation bordering-on-disability kind of thing over here sometimes and it’s not doing nice things to my depression or anxiety either so let’s at least give them some time to calm down (at least until the staff can label, number, and GPS track them or something)

A small handful of long-forgotten traumas (that appear to have been improperly flagged) have recently been dug up by the staff by mistake, and the earth about the grounds is currently a bit fresh, so please exercise extra caution in the following areas:

“I’m too much trouble and should fuck off forever” - variations of this have been in my head like literally since I learned words? So in spite of the hard work and patience of Container Stores, this one is coming up and kicking Estate Staff in the nuts literally every chance it gets, even though Estate Staff is fully aware Container Stores don’t seem to have memos like this in their template folders.

Not sure if Depression or Trauma or what is coming up here, but your patience while I do my best to tell this intrusive thought to fuck off is appreciated, whatever it is, because y’all…. this is one that even strangers have been reinforcing infinitely more often, deeper, deeper than any positive reinforcement can ever counterbalance, so this is a fight i just have to do in here on my own, basically clinging to the faith that y’all and a couple other people are telling the truth on this one, and i mean literally not very fucking many people in my whole life, so careful wording and reassurance in this area would be considered the “extra mile” to help me out on this one… because it kicks me so fast i dont have time to reconsider it sometimes, so even when i reread and that’s not what you meant, I’ve already done at least a little damage to myself so every little tiny bit really helps exponentially here I think lol

“I should be able to everything all the time and am useless if I can’t be efficient” and/or “I can’t do this simple task so im a piece of shit” etc productivity garbage seems to be coming up when I can’t do something; much like “burden” above, this one is deeply rooted in childhood trauma, but i have to undo it myself because society did this one and keeps trying to do it and I can’t hide from it in America so:

this is more like a posted warning that something stupid like asking me a question when i need to pee or tumblr pissing me off can trip this, and none of us can see it coming, so just idk dont wear your church clothes or your favorite shoes over here til i get a lid on that one I guess, in case it gets on you. Some of these might just be Gallagher shit.

Depression spirals with visual thinking and unbalanced meds are getting a little weird so if I seem to be doing weird Donna shit and you’d like me to stop, the most efficient way, for YOU, I THINK? is to try a distraction.

Personally, I recommend you go for broke; bread crumbs can be helpful here, to lead me somewhere specific, but they can also be the opposite of effective if they fail; so you can save us both a lot of time and trouble if you send me something fucking unexpected right off the bat (careful not to attract gremlins by mistake, they smell vulnerability and they hate me). You are not trying to lure a rabbit, you are trying to get your stupid ass dog out of the freeway with a tennis ball or a snack before it gets hit by a truck. Think of the kind of thing you’d do to like snap someone out of something, but a little to the left. I think the Seagull busted out Bo Burnam for anxiety once, sometimes shock is a good one, gross, whatever. Interrupt/distract, do not engage gremlins, etc

If you happen to see a passing spiral and can’t toss anything in without inconvenience or other detriment to yourself, even a passing wave and a check in that we’re both drowning separately is again, still considered above and beyond. (In fact, it’s often what I’m probably looking for, but now that we have Words the mess should be better able to tell neighboring entities what the fuck is happening on Estate Grounds.

Last but not least, Estate Staff has placed ropes and a a few Keep Out notices around all areas that appear to be near the scary place until further notice. Estate Staff needs to spend a bit more time around the Estate before even figuring out what the fuck that was. That shit is off limits to everyone until the person who has to live in here figures out what the fuck it is.

(An ACCIDENTAL TRIP to not only 1) not the place I was even looking at but 2) a new???? place i didnt know was there and 3) a place with weird vibes too near a vulnerable place???? Nope nope nope not today too much garbage in the Estate not taking it to Mars nope.)

Estate Staff isn’t entirely sure why proximity alarms for this place are alarming so alarmingly, but the current theory around the break room is that, if the vibes in the mansion are terrifying because words are hard and few, what if those vibes come with us to the scary place and there is NO WORDS and/or NOTHING THERE BUT BAD VIBES? Etc…

(And/or possible actual medical dissociative state or some shit.)

Staff is hoping these areas will be able to be reopened once we clean the fuck up around here a bit, maybe with some art, breaking down safer metaphors, zen activities, getting to know the Estate Grounds. At the very least, Staff would like for the place to stop feeling like the Winchester Mansion had a bastard with the Room of Requirement before we leave, because we’re not sure how we got here in the first place so if we leave by accident……

So thank you both for any part you played in keeping me on earth this weekend, and please accept a blanket apology for anything in here that made you feel like shit; consider it officially forgiven because the Staff didn’t know the place was condemned until somebody inspected it, but now that it failed inspection the Staff has to figure out what the fuck to do with all this shit; and there’s really no reason for the local entities to feel bad about things the Staff didn’t even know, just be glad we got me through it because HOPEFULLY we can get some cool and interesting shit worked out in the mansion before we go Ghost Bustin or whatever

So, following these awards, both Container Store owners who have assisted in this project thus far will be extended additional information and invitations to collaborate on the project soon and we look forward to exploring the Estate more thoroughly in the coming days!