#but also like bro i never asked for these dumb ass organs why are they growing the eraserhead baby in there or whatever its been my dream

[themanwhowouldbefruit]

my doctor was sooooo fucking worthless and unhelpful im going to masturbate and i hope it fucking kills me

[so-writing]

Sugar, Honey, Ice and Tea - Matthew Tkachuk (7)

all parts in the master list

Minimal editing. Also hit me with some predictions for the end of this and also any thoughts at all about it. Is it trash, is it good? I am curious about what you think!

--

Matthew didn’t usually drink much during their time away from home. If the Flames won, he’d usually have a beer or two to celebrate and that was it. This past week had him consuming more alcohol than he had in a long time and he had no idea why.

The roommate situation put him on edge the moment he found out who he was going to be staying with and his mood soured even more when he discovered they’d have to share a bed so maybe that was why he was taking shots and downing beers like he was on summer vacation. 

He remembered bits and pieces of the previous night: she kissed him and then disappeared, he continued to take shots long after she’d gone, they had a conversation about moms in their hotel room. 

That was it though. He had no recollection of changing into his pajamas and crawling into bed. When his alarm went off, he woke up in bed alone and as he surveyed the room, he realized all her stuff was gone. 

Sure, they were going home today but damn, she must have really wanted to get the fuck away from him. He wasn’t ready to acknowledge that it might have hurt his feelings a little bit so he pushed the thought away and began to get ready for the day.

*

The feeling of peace you got when you quietly closed the door behind you and wheeled your luggage away from the room you shared with Matthew Tkachuk was incredible. 

The past week had been a roller coaster that you were dying to get off of and all you had to do was get through this last game and the bus ride home. That would be easy though, you’d have no interaction with Matthew during the game and you knew damn well he would rather cling to the top of the escape hatch on the bus rather than sit next to you. 

It was finally over. Your mouth was practically watering at the thought of sitting down in your apartment, by yourself, with a bottle of wine, Netflix and Chinese takeout. 

You watched as the Flames won the game and as much as you didn’t want to notice it, you did. Matthew was playing like shit, barely dragging himself around the ice as he tried to keep up with his teammates. His personal play was entirely unremarkable and you were sure he was going to hear all about it as soon he got to the locker room. 

“How happy are you to be free of Tkachuk?” 

“So fucking happy, you’ve got no idea!” 

You laughed along with another of the assistants as the two of you helped organize the remaining luggage for the driver to load beneath the bus. 

“He played like shit today, might be bummed you two aren’t going to keep sleeping together.”

“Oh, don’t even. ‘Sleeping together’ implies something entirely different that what we were forced to do.”

“I know, I know,” he shook his head and laughed easily, “but honestly, did you think about it? I know you two aren’t exactly besties but come on, look at the man.” 

Did you think about it?

Of course you did. You thought about it multiple times. Matthew had stripped down in front of you, once completely and another time almost there. There was no denying that you’d gone to bed at least once thinking about what it would be like to spend the night enjoying yourself underneath him instead of sleeping next to his grumpy ass. 

You were taking that shit to the fucking grave, though.

“He’s a complete prick, and I don’t know if you heard, but I slept on the floor a few days ago, so no. I wouldn’t fuck that man with your dick.” 

That response sent him into a fit of laughter, “I mean I get that it was a rough week for you but I’ll be honest, I respectfully disagree. That pest could fucking get it anytime he wanted.” 

“Gross,” you playfully rolled your eyes as the two of you finished your task, “spend a few hours with him not in a strictly hockey setting and I promise you’ll change your mind.”

“Doubtful!” 

When all the luggage was loaded, the two of you made your way onto the bus. None of the players were there yet so you both took advantage of the back two rows that only contained two seats each. The entirety of the team didn’t completely fill the bus so you, stupidly, assumed you would sit alone on the trip home. 

Shoving your AirPods into your ears, you opened Spotify and settled into both the uncomfortable bus seat and the several hours long trip home. 

Not even ten minutes later, a body dropping into the seat next to you pulled your concentration out of your music and when you looked to see who it was that sat next to you, you couldn’t yourself from rolling your eyes. 

Matthew Tkachuk gave you a tight smile before rummaging around through his book bag and producing a paperback book. 

No he wasn’t. There was no way he was reading that. Dumb hockey bros weren’t into high fantasy. There was no fucking way he was reading ‘A Game of Thrones.’

He was though, and you watched him like a hawk as he parted the book where his mark was placed, almost halfway through, before you felt like you had to say something.

“You’re legitimately reading that book,” you pulled out an AirPod and gave him an inquiring look, “really?”

“Yeah,” he shrugged his shoulders, “I loved the show, figured I’d give the books a try.”

“They’re really good, much better than the show in my opinion.” 

Matthew’s smile stretched across his face, “that’s what I’m thinking! I know I’m barely into it but the books are so much more detailed.”

It was a cute moment, the two of you sharing an interest, but you were determined to remain all business with him.

“Why’d you sit here?” 

“I don’t know,” he ran a hand through his curls, “why not?”

A quick silence formed between the two of you before he tried again, “what are you listening to?” 

“Uh, Bring Me The Horizon, you probably won’t like it.” 

“Try me.” 

Matthew handed you his phone and you opened up his Spotify account and typed in the song you were listening to. 

“So the band is Bring Me The Horizon, right? What’s the song called?” 

“Sugar honey ice & tea.” 

“Okay.” 

++

You settled into a comfortable flow with Matthew. One of your pods was in his ear as he read AGOT and listened to the whatever you were playing. He didn’t mind when you fell asleep on his shoulder, leaning his head against yours as he continued reading his book. 

“Hey,” he was gentle, “wake up. We’re home.”

“What?” 

“We’re back in Calgary.”

“Oh, okay.” 

“Are you good?” 

“Yeah, I just, yeah. Can you ask someone if they wouldn’t mind taking me home? My car’s here but I’m so fucking tired.”

“I can take you home.”

“Matthew, no, you cant. You need to rest. I’m fine, I’ll be fine. I’ll get an Uber or something.” 

“No.”

He was firm in his response. Your eyes were heavy with sleep and you were in no condition to do anything on your own. 

“Whatever, I don’t want to fight with you, dickface.”

Matthew chuckled to himself as he guided you into the parking garage toward his car. You let him open the passenger door and help you into the Audi. 

“What’s your address?” 

You mumbled it quickly, earning a smile and a “we live in the same building” declaration from him. 

Far too sleepy to notice anything around you, you nodded in and out of sleep as Matthew drove from the area to your building. His quick glances in your direction were lost on you and it was only when he was trying to get you out of the car that you really woke up. 

“Fuck, Matt, I’m so sorry. I’m just so exhausted.” 

“I get it,” he helped you get your bags out of his trunk, “you didn’t have a great week and I had a lot to do with that.” 

The two of you headed up to your second floor apartment in silence, you trudging up the stairs with little effort while Matthew followed you, making sure you didn’t fall. 

“This is me. Where are you?” 

“Oh, uh,” his cheeks lit up red as his eyes traveled toward the ceiling.

“Of course, superstar Matty Tkachuk lives in the penthouse on the top floor,” you teased, “if only we could all be so lucky.” 

“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with your apartment,” he slid around you let himself in as soon as you opened the door and surveyed his surroundings, “I really like it.” 

*

He didn’t expect her place to be so cute, but it was and he smiled wide when her black cat rubbed against his legs.

“He’s called Onyx.”

“I like him,” Matthew leaned down to scratch his ears, “who takes care of him when you’re gone?” 

“My neighbor. She’s a sweet lady.”

“I’m glad."

“I’m sure this is peasant shit compared to your place, but we do what we can.” 

He stopped petting Onyx and looked up to meet her eyes. 

“I would never think that about anyone. Jesus Christ, do you really think I’m that much of a fucking asshole?”

She didn’t say anything, but her face turned beet red and she turned away from him before turning back again.

“I’m sorry. I’m so used to you being awful that any small morsel of kindness is unfamiliar. Sorry.” 

“It’s fine. You should sleep though.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.”

He paused for a moment before breaking out in a big grin, “can I take Onyx up with me?”

“Absolutely not! Onyx is a heathen like the rest of us on the lower floors!”

“He deserves 360 degree views of Calgary.” 

You paused, turning to look directly at Matthew.

“Do you have that?”

“Yeah.” 

“I am so fucking jealous.” 

“You can come up and see too, as long as you bring Onyx.”

“As much as I don’t like you, I’m absolutely going to take you up on that, Matthew.”

He hated ‘Matthew’ and she knew it. He had tried to correct her a few times but she wasn’t budging. He wasn’t going to argue now, though, because she was adorable standing in her own apartment with her cute cat rubbing against her legs and—No. No, no, no. Matthew did not like this girl because this girl was fucking terrible and she hated him.

Except, he did like her and she was the opposite of terrible and she had an adorable cat. 

What the fuck was he doing?

[whentheynameyoujoy]

Yup, Sure Was a Finale

I had an epiphany. The reason why I never re-watched the final two parts of Sozin’s Comet even though I’ve popped in episodes at random many times over the years isn’t that I can’t bear the sadness of seeing one of the best, most engaging narratives out there come to an end.

It’s simply that the finale isn’t all that good.

Some honorable mentions of what was enjoyable.

(+) This

Just this.

(+) The Church of Zutara has another convert

“Are you sure they don’t get together?” Hubster, 2020

(+) The tragedy of Azula

And the fact that it’s acknowledged as such. I hope Zuko will do his best to get her help and have a relationship with her…

(+) Sokka being a big bro

And the whole airship sequence in general. It’s wonderfully paced and plotted, with moments of humor, real stakes, Toph being both badass and a scared crying kid, Sokka strategizing and protecting, Suki saving the day, and non-benders being instrumental in thwarting the bad guy firebender’s plans. Would be shame if Bryke never portrayed them this capable ever again…

And now for the main course.

(-) Blink and its over

The wrap-up feels too quick (hashtag Needs More ROtK-style False Endings). A part of this is due to how fast the story goes from the thick of the action to hastily tying up a bunch of loose ends, but the larger issue is how Book 3’s uneven pacing comes home to roost. After spending half a season on filler episodes that at best subtly flesh out established characters while dancing around a huge lionturtle-shaped hole, and at worst contradict the theme of “no one is born bad” with “you’re a hot mess because your great-grandfathers didn’t get along too well”, the frantic “go go go” rush of the second half screeches to a halt with “they won and everyone was happy because now the right people have power and it will be all good from now on yup nothing more to deal with baiiiii”.

Yes, I know, it’s a kids’ show. But goddamn, this particular kids’ show has proven so many times it can do better than the expected tropiness. Showing the characters in their roles as builders of a new world was the least that could have been done.

Oh well!

(-) Ursa

We’ll never know. There will never be a story that delves into this. Yup. Shall forever remain but an intriguing mystery. Is good, though. Mystery is better than a story where Ursa shares her son’s penchant for forgetfulness. Imagine how embarrassing that would be. Speaking of which…

(-) What does Mai see in this jerkbender?

Look, I like to harp a lot on the mess of inconsistent writing that’s Mai but let’s unpack this scene from her perspective, shall we?

Zuko forgot about her! It totally slipped his mind that the one person who prioritized the safety of his dumb ass was rotting in the worst prison in the Fire Nation—because of him! And she was rotting there long enough after the final Agni Kai for the news of Zuko’s upcoming coronation to spread and her uncle to feel sufficiently secure to release her. But then the coronation scene is attended by every single member of Gaang & Friends that was imprisoned?

So what this tells me is that either a) the invasion force had the ability to break themselves out the whole time and for some reason decided not to exercise it until after the war was over, b) Zuko forgot about them as well and no one thought to remind him there were prisons full of POWs until Mai arrived, or, and that’s even better, c) Zuko took care to free every single resistance fighter while making sure Mai would be the one to stay behind bars.

Never thought I’d say this but Mai? Honey? You deserve so much better.

(-) “What does Katara want?”

Asked no one in the writers’ room ever, apparently.

This is not so much anti Cataang as anti romance stories that pay attention to the needs, opinions, and wants of only one partner in general. Over the previous 60 episodes, Katara actively expressed romantic interest in Aang exactly, wait for it,

Once.

And it got retconned out of relevance by the following two interactions where the possibility of a romantic relationship came up, making the Headband dance pretty easy to reclassify as just one of those examples where Aang “teaches” Katara to have fun (as if one of the main obstacles to her having fun wasn’t him constantly fooling around and offloading his duties). And because the writers not only didn’t succeed in portraying Katara’s internal state of mind, but also failed to root her reluctance to pursue a relationship in outside circumstances that could change, her sudden state of unconfused once Aang steps into the spotlight has a single canonical explanation that as much as approaches coherency.

The fact is, though, that trying to interpret canon Cataang from a Watsonian perspective is an exercise in foolishness. Because there is no Watsonian justification for the ship and never has been. Bryke simply conceived of Katara as nothing but a tropey prize for Aang, never saw her as anything beyond that, and were perfectly happy to go on and immortalize her as a passive broodmare for the rest of her life.

And I fully intend to die mad about it.

(-) Iroh dips

OK, it’s been long apparent that the show doesn’t intend to do anything about Iroh’s complicity in AzulOzai’s regime in any meaningful way, and that his sole motivation for doing anything whatsoever is Zuko whom he views as a replacement son which is supposed to be good for some reason. But the finale has him abandon even that, and instead turns him full-on YOLO, idgaf anymore. It really throws Iroh’s supposed love for Zuko into doubt when his last act in the entire show is to take a half-educated 16-year old with no political savvy or an heir to secure a dynastic continuity and plomp him on the throne of a war-mongering imperialist regime where the entirety of the militarist and ruling class is guaranteed to fight him tooth and nail for power.

(I sure hope Mai’s ready to start popping out babies by tea-time otherwise the whole country is fukd in about a week)

Christ, how hard would it be to have Iroh keep the throne warm for a few years while Zuko is getting ready to succeed him? Not only would it make the whole FN reformation bit quite likelier to occur, it would require Iroh’s hedonistic ass to actually sacrifice something for once. And not having Zuko ascend to power, instead spending some time bettering and educating himself first, would be a wonderful message that no matter what you endured and overcame, you never stop growing. A kids’ show, remember?

(-) The conquering of Ba Sing Se

Gee, I feel so blessed to have my attention diverted from battlefields which actually matter to an old dude vanity project I would have been perfectly happy to assume resolved itself off-screen.

The White Lotus in general just bugs me. I was fine with the individual characters and their overall passivity when they were portrayed as lone dissenters living under circumstances where it wasn’t really possible for any single person to mount a meaningful resistance. But as members of a far-reaching shadowy organization that’s left the real fight to a bunch of kids for 59 episodes straight and didn’t turn up until a perfect opportunity presented itself to take control of the largest city in the world and bask in the spotlight?

Yeah, no.

Similarly to the lionturtle-ex-machina, the White Lotus represents a huge missed opportunity for a season-long storytelling. Here’s just a brief list of what they could have been doing throughout Book 3:

orchestrating a Fire Nation uprising;

gathering those directly persecuted by AzulOzai’s regime to help Zuko keep his hold on power once he’s crowned;

establishing themselves as a viable alternative to Ozai;

sabotaging Fire Nation’s war efforts from the inside;

countering Fire Nation propaganda (Asha Greyjoy’s pinecones, anyone?);

running a supply network to alleviate the suffering of Earth Kingdom citizens.

Instead, they sit on their asses until the time comes to claim personal glory.

You know what, good on Bryke for making me conclude that in comparison, the Freedom Fighters were perfectly unproblematic, actually.

(-) Fire Lord Dead-by-Dawn

Yes, a kids’ show, I know! But ffs, this is the same kids’ show that came up with Long Feng and portrayed courtly intrigue, kingly puppets, secret police, spy networks, and information wars. Was it really too much of me to expect something other than “enlightened despot solves everything”? Especially if said enlightened despot has persisting anger issues, no personal support system, no base of followers, and no political experience whatsoever?

If Zuko’s actually serious about regaining the Fire Nation’s honor (i.e. by dismantling the country’s military machine, decolonizing the Earth Kingdom, paying reparations to everyone and their lemur, and funding any and all cultural restoration projects Aang and the SWT come up with), then there is no way, no way in the universe that he doesn’t face a civil war, deposing, and execution within a month.

One reason why his future as a Fire Lord seems rather bleak is that little’s been shown about the actual subjects of AzulOzai’s regime. While we get a vague reassurance that “no Toph, they’re not born bad” (le shockings), they largely remain a voiceless uniform mass of brainwashed clapping seals. What is their view on the Fire Nation’s crimes? Do they associate their condition with their country’s war-mongering? How will they react when Zuko starts dismantling the country piece by piece to rebuild it, bringing it to economic ruin? What will they do when noble Ozai loyalists come out of the woodwork and begin rounding them up under the banner of “Make the Fire Nation Great Again?”

I have no idea, and Zuko doesn’t either because he’s unironically more qualified to rule the Earth Kingdom than his own people.

You know what would have been better? Fire Lord Iroh, White Lotus pulling the strings to maintain the regime, and Crown Prince/People’s Champion Zuko travelling the Fire Nation with Aang and an army of tutors to promote the new boss, only to realize that absolute monarchy is kinda crap for the people he’s one day supposed to rule and gaining their support by ceding some power to them.

I’d laser holes into my TV due to how much I’d enjoy watching that.

(-) All hail Avatar Rock

Literally and metaphorically. Aang doesn’t sacrifice anything, gets everything, and the clever solution of going about getting said everything is handed to him on a silver platter, requiring no active participation on his part whatsoever.

He doesn’t work to unblock his chakras, spiritually or physically.

He only speaks to his past lives to get a pat on the back and a bow-tied solution he could mindlessly follow.

Energy-bending doesn’t require any sacrifice from him, leaves no lasting marks, and only serves for the narrative to praise him as the rare individual that’s unbendable and thus so very very special.

The most infuriating thing is, however, that Aang is clearly shown as being able to beat Ozai without either the Avatar state, or energy-bending.

And he chooses not to. From this moment on, Aang no longer fights to save the world. He fights to preserve his beliefs, going directly against the instructions of his past lives and effectively reneging on his duties as the Avatar.

Again.

It’s not like you can’t portray Aang’s faithfulness to his spiritual beliefs as the key to beating Ozai and saving the world. But that’s not what the show did. There is no link between Aang sparing Ozai and securing a better future, quite to the contrary—Ozai’s survival ends up being a massive problem for the continuation of Zuko’s rule, and consequently a threat to the world at large. His survival benefits Aang and no one else.

Aang’s spiritual purity and his status as a savior of the world are allowed to coexist only due to a deliberate stroke of a writer’s pen.

And I hate it.

Welp, nothing to do about it now except to bury myself up to my tits in fix-it fics I guess.

[vixenpen]

Neighbors (Bakugo x Miku x Hawks)

(With some other people because they are all some scandalous hoes)

Pt.8 I Fucked Your Man (and you can’t do anything about it)

The hero charity ball was one of the biggest events of the year in Japan. This was Miku’s first time singing at the event, as the headlining performer no less, and as excited as she was, she was also relieved that it was almost over. She had one more set to perform before the event wrapped up and she was spending it trying to soothe her tired throat by holding cold water in her mouth and warming it on her tongue before swallowing.

The trick was helping, but She hoped none of the heroes or organizers would approach her to have a conversation while she was holding luke warm water in her mouth like a guppy.

Miku felt a tap on her bare shoulder.

So much for that.

“Try this.” A gruff voice spoke up from behind her.

Swallowing awkwardly, Miku turned. She immediately recognized the handsome, broad shouldered blonde as the hero Ground Zero aka Bakugo Katsuki. The man held a small cup of tea with a silver spoon in front of her wearing an open smile. Miku stared at it blankly.

“For your throat.” He explained slowly with an amused smirk.

“Oh? Oh! Thank you!” Miku grabbed the teacup with a surprised smile.

“Tch. Well, It was cute watching you try to be discreet with the whole water trick at first..then it just started getting sad.”

“Oh god. You noticed?” Miku’s cheeks burned. “Everyone must think I look like an idiot.” She chuckled nervously before taking a sip of the tea. It tasted like ginger and honey.

As she drank, Bakugo settled into the seat beside her, propping his chin on his fist With a lazy little smirk.

“I have a friend whose a singer. I know all the tricks, but I doubt any of these dumb asses realized what was going on. Is it good?” He nodded towards the tea.

“It’s delicious, thank you.” Miku replied, pleasantly.

“I didn’t know how you would like it so I told them not to make it too bland or too sweet.”

Miku gave him an impresses look.

“A true hero even off duty, huh?” She laid a hand on his bicep, and then choked in surprise. “Oh, Wow you’re jacked.” She squeezed his arm.

Bakugo laughed. It was rough, but warm and genuine and made her smile.

“But seriously,” Miku giggled, “Thanks a lot, I owe you one.”

“Oh?” Bakugo cocked a brow. “Well, if you really want to repay me, how ‘bout dinner next weekend?”

Miku’s smile widened. “Deal.”

The man’s expression softened. “Good. Now where’s your dumb ass management? Clearly they need their ass whooped for not having tea and water available for their star.”

She laughed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Miku set the microphone back on the stand on the final note, eyes still fixed on her boyfriend who was sitting at one of the empty tables front row and center.

“That’s a wrap! Sounded great, Shiro-san.”

“Thank you.” Miku held a thumbs up to the sound and stage crew before stepping off and heading towards her boyfriend.

“Who let you in here during my rehearsals?” She teased.

“Considering the fat check I cut these fuckers every year for this damn event, they better let me in here.” He shot back with a grin, passing her a venti cup of steaming tea.

“Mmm.” She sighed contentedly as she sipped. “Seeing you sitting there reminded me of the first time we met.”

Katsuki looped an arm around Miku’s shoulders as she waved good bye to the team.

He chuckled.

“It was at this same venue four years ago at the hero charity ball. You were performing in that sexy ass gold dress and you were trying warm up water in-“

“In my mouth!” They finished at the same time with a laugh. “And then you cursed out my management for not having tea ready for me after my set.”

“Those idiots deserved it,” Bakugo scowled. “You were their star. The hell do you look like having to hold water in your mouth like an amateur?”

The woman chuckled.

Katsuki squeezed Miku’s shoulders, pulling her closer. “It’s one of the best memories of my life.” He planted a kiss on her forehead.

“You’ve been awfully sweet lately. What’s gotten into you?”

“The hell do you mean?” Katsuki asked, leading her out to the Lamborghini parked at the back entrance.

“I meeean, I’m wondering what you want.”

He opened the car door to let her inside before slipping into the drivers seat.

“Alright, the jig is up. I wanted to talk.”

“About..?”

“About us.”

“Uh oh.” Miku frowned. “Are you breaking up with me?”

“What? Hell no!” Katsuki balked, side eying his girlfriend. “Why would you go for the worst case scenario? It’s about the charity ball.”

“The charity ball? What about it?”

He let out a troubled sigh that grabbed Miku’s attention. She frowned.

“It’s Eijirou. You remember the guy he was seeing?”

“Jean, The little cutie that worked in support at Endeavor’s agency?”

“Yeah,” Katsuki’s brow furrowed, “Jean broke up with him.”

“What?!”

“Yup.”

“Oh my god. They seemed so good together. Poor Eiji.”

“Yeah, he’s pretty hurt about it.”

Miku pouted. “I hate that for him.” She whined.

“Yeah,” Bakugo sighed, “babe, I know that night is kind of special to us, but I was wondering if you’d be cool with him tagging along with us to the ball? If you don’t want a third wheel, I totally—“

“Are you kidding? Kiriboo could never be a third wheel! Of course he can come with us. Y’all can hang out while I perform my sets, then the three of us will have fun together.” She squeezed her boyfriend’s arm affectionately. “We’ll make him forget all about his shitty ex, right babe?”

Katsuki shot her a grin.

“Hell yeah, Dove.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So your master plan of making me seem too sad to handle going to a party by myself actually worked?”

“She agreed didn’t she?”

“But you didn’t tell her the real motive behind it?”

“I don’t have to tell her, Miku’s a freak. She’ll be down for it.”

“I don’t know, bro. I‘d feel more comfortable knowing she knows what’s going on.”

Katsuki shook his head.

“You dumb ass, if I bring up the threesome to her by myself, she’ll freak out and start thinkin’ im trying to be on some cheating shit, but if the three of us are just chilling and having a good time together...” he trailed off, grabbing Kirishima’s collar, tugging the man forward until they were nose to nose. “It’ll be more organic.”

“So, it will seems like it was more her idea?”

“Exactly. Look, I know my baby girl, and the only thing she likes more than attention is being catered to. We’ll put all our effort into making this all about her. She’ll love it, and eventually, it’ll be the three of us.”

Kirishima’s eyes darted to his lover’s lips.

“Keep talking like that, and you’re gonna have a problem on your hands, Katsu~” he teased.

Bakugo scoffed.

“You could never a problem, babe.”

He closed the space between them for a kiss.

Neither man saw or heard the door click shut.

[thewritingstar]

Paper Hearts

Pairing: Buttercup x Butch (butchercup)

Fandom: The Powerpuff Girls 

Note: This was a commission for the wonderful @over-under-through1​ This was super fun to do and even though I rewrote it over and over, I think this is the soft and sassy greens we all have been wanting. Thank you to miss grace for commissioning me!!! 

------

“Did you get the answer to problem six?” Blossom asked.

Butch moved his pen towards the problem and relized that he hadn’t even finished the two before it. His lab partner just gave him a disappointed glare before moving on to do it herself.

“You’re spacing out again Butch.” Blossom stated.

“I’m not spacing out.” He said without even giving her a glance.

“For starters you are doodling little hearts in green ink instead of finishing the problem.” Blossom pointed out.

He glanced at his marked up paper. Green ink lined the margins with little hearts that he subconsciously made and he tore it out of the notebook before flipping to a fresh page and jotting down the rest of the questions.

A small giggle came from the other side of the table and he looked to see the pink puff hiding the noise behind her hand.

“What's so funny?” He tried to give her a cold stare that would scare the average person but had no effect on her.

“I just think its funny how you are considered one of the toughest people on the planet and yet you can’t even ask a girl out.” She snickered as she scribbled down more answers flawlessly.

Butch rolled his eyes and grunted. The smirk displayed on the puffs face was making him see red and possibly attack that bow as if he were a bull in a ring. “I’m not a pussy if that's what you’re thinking Pink.” He sneered with little to no reaction from her. “I could easily ask out any chick I wanted. Piece of cake.”

Her pen was set down and she folded her arms. “Alright then, then do it.”

“Easy peasy.” He scoffed and looked around the library. Luckily for him all the libraries held a pleather of selection and he thanked college for the assortment. A few tables ahead of them was a girl. She was busy with her head in a book and he began to get up.

“That's not what I meant Butch.” Blossom said as she trapped his foot under her heel.

His butt plopped back into the chair. “You said ask a girl out, that's what I’m doing.”

The redhead raised her brow before leaning over and grabbing the crumpled paper from his bag, along with several other papers that had various hearts and doodles all made from green ink. A small tint of red dusted his cheeks as more and more papers came undone.

“Ask her out.” She pointed to the paper. “You might think you’re fooling everyone else but I know you have, dare I even say, the hots for my sister.”

His eyes widened at the statement. “Excuse me?” He scoffed before grabbing the papers back into the bag where they belonged. “I do not have a crush on your sister, let alone my best friend.”

Blossom leaned back in her chair and twirled a pen between her fingers. If there was one thing Blossom was good at besides being the leader of the most powerful group of superheroes and organizing homework, it was getting the truth.

His eyes matched against the pink gaze and he could feel the sweat on his forehead as she continued to size him up.

“Really?” She broke their staring match. “Alright then.” She went back to her chemistry lab.

“Okay fine.” He grunted. He looked around the room hoping that no one would hear them but luckily it was pretty empty during this time and no one had the luxury of super hearing like them. “I like her, so what?”

“Then ask her out.” Blossom said as if she had solved the biggest mystery in the world. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

“Um she could say no and then it would ruin literally everything. Thought you were supposed to be the smart one.”

She fell silent to that and they spent the next ten minutes on their lab assignment. He managed to get through another sheet of problems but the confession was still in the air.

“So you’re okay then?” Blossom finally spoke.

“Okay with what?”

“Just being her friend and not doing anything?”

He let out a sigh. “What if it messes everything up?” It was a fear he had since he discovered his true feelings about her. He valued her friendship more than anything else and he didn’t need his hormones running a good thing.

“What if it doesn’t?” She gave him an empathetic look. “You know I wouldn’t be saying anything if I didn’t think anything could happen. You’re not the only one who feels this way, that I am sure of.”

The thought of Buttercup possibly liking him back, even for a second made his heart race.

“I would just hate for you to realize that you lost something you could have had sooner. You always rush head first into things and live on the wild side, don’t hesitate with this.”

He would be lying if he didn’t think that they had gotten closer over the years, really close. They would sit with their shoulders touching during movies and even go as far as sharing a drink sometimes. He would lend her his jacket if it was cold and would make sure to walk her home from her night class even though he knew she could handle herself, he just really liked being around her.

There had been long nights spent staring at the ceiling until the sun would peak through the window as he thought about their dynamic changing. It changed for his brothers and both couples seemed to be destined pairs, so why not them? So what if he thought about holding her close or kissing her before classes. Maybe once in a while he wondered what it would be like to be her boyfriend and to love and cherish her without restraint.  

Blossom stood and began to put away the array of notes and books around the table.

“Study time isn’t over yet?” He said.

She laughed lightly before patting his shoulder. “There's other chemistry you can be focusing on right now. So don’t be a pussy.” And she left him alone at the table feeling flustered and red as her bow.

He stared at the clock on the wall. He had about two hours before the evening classes got out. His stomach twisted into small knots as he tried to shake this overwhelming feeling of doubt out of his head. Those thoughts were being pushed away as he grabbed his textbook and stack of notes and put them in his bag.

He took one look at the newest ink doodles before grabbing it and shoving the crumpled wad into his jacket pocket.

“Don’t be a pussy.” He muttered to himself before leaving.

----

The sun was starting to set as he paced in front of his mirror for the past hour. He had gotten into the shower, a warm one to suds up his hair and then immediately back in for a freezing cold one to clear his mind and tame his senses.

He faced the mirror, hair dripping slightly as he ignored the longer black bangs that he usually spiked up. His reflection looked scared and uncertain. He took in everything Blossom had said and she even texted him some more but even with her support, he felt dizzy and unsure.

He took in a deep breath trying to calm himself down and not freak out.

“Alright Butch this is easy. You’ve asked out so many chicks before. Granted you never really liked them as much as her because, well, it's Buttercup and no one is better than her.” he said a little too fast for his own liking. “This will be simple. Just look into her eyes. Those soft green eyes that remind you of green tea and matcha, which happens to be her favorite drinks of course.” He laughed to himself.

He relaxed a little before grabbing his comb and threading it through his hair. “Not to mention the way her eyes sparkle when she's fighting a monster or watching a scary movie. Well maybe not all of that, don’t scare her, dumb ass. Keep it simple and classy.”

The bathroom filled with the scent of pine as he sprayed his chest and threw on a plain black shirt and skinny jeans. “How’s this.” He flashed a grin at the mirror and made finger guns. “Let’s fuck.”

“That's terrible, do not say that!” Boomer called from the other side of the door making Butch slightly jump.

“Shut the fuck up Boomer!” He shouted before grabbing his jacket and flipping off his little brother who was laughing on the couch. Fuck super hearing.

“You got this bro!” The blond called after him and Butch only slammed the door shut and let out a sigh before walking outside.

--

The October air was cool this time of night. The only sound he could hear was the buzzing through his headphones and the thumping of his loud ass heartbeat. His back came to a tree that was just outside her last class of the night. He never truly understood why she wanted to take classes at night, let alone Friday night.

He shoved his hands in his pocket and felt the bunched up paper. He pulled it out and unfolded it. Some of the ink had smeared lightly but the hearts were still intact for the most part.

“Don’t be a pussy.” He whispered to himself. “But also don’t lose everything.”

He stared at the paper before taking the corners and ripping them up and tossing them in the trash can near him. A disgruntled sigh left his lips and he wished that the ground would open up into a vortex and swallow him whole, never to be heard of again.

His mind had been at full speed since the library and he wondered if he should even tell her. How do you be friends with someone for more than ten years and then all of sudden change that?

It should be easy but unlike his brothers and her sisters, they were not the soft and emotional pair. The sappy love songs were always skipped and romance movies turned to comedies with them. He didn’t even know if she would like a bouquet of flowers or just to punch him in the face. Even if he did ask her out, would she even believe him? Would he?

His thoughts were interrupted when the door opened and the class began to file out. He had made the decision to leave this conversation for another day, maybe try a romantic setting or something else.

“Sup dude.” Buttercup grinned at him as their fists collided for a fist bump.

“Sup.” He responded.

“Eh class was boring, just a lecture but what can ya do?” She laughed and they fell into a rhythm as they walked.

They talked aimlessly and even their causally conversation was making him shutter and wish for more.

“Hey do you wanna stop and get some coffee? Think I’m gonna stay up and finish some chem homework.” He nodded towards the cafe that was open at all hours. She looked towards him and nodded before a small breeze came and she felt the hair on her neck stand up as goose bumps kissed her skin.

The fabric of his jacket overlapped her shoulders. “You never wear a jacket dummy. Wait here and I’ll go get us some.”

“Thanks.” She said just loud enough to hear.

The cool air swirled around him as he opened the doors to the shop but he felt like he was in the pits of hell. He had been secretly sweating and felt gross knowing that he was so incredibly nervous and hoped that she couldn’t notice.

He walked outside, two cups in his hands, the warm liquid slightly burning his palms but in a relaxing way. He found her standing next to a bench, her eyes focused on something in her hand.

“Here you go-” Butch stopped as his gaze traveled to the piece of paper she was holding.

A corner of a paper with a green ink heart and the letter B + B scribble aimlessly inside. He thought he had thrown out all the paper but of course the universe had decided to go against his wishes.

She saw his eyes widened as she took the coffee before focusing on the heart again. “It's cute.” She said before meeting his gaze.

“That's nothing. Chemistry stuff.” He played it off and took a gulp of his coffee ignoring the fact that it was burning his throat.

She hummed and smiled before sitting on the bench. Luckily the place had thinned out and was practically empty except for the few students stopping to get caffeinated.

“Chemistry huh?”

“Yep.” he popped the P.

Buttercup chuckled softly before leaning her arm on the back of the bench and holding up the paper.

“So do you want me to ignore it or did you want to give your sweaty declaration?”

He gulped. “What do you want me to do?”

She sat for a moment looking at the paper.  

“Dealers choice.” Buttercup smiled before placing it in his hand.

Confidence had always been Butch’s strong suit. At the age of seven he had already built up a wall to counteract anything and anyone thrown his way. Being born as a villain to society meant he had to reinvent his title and he had done it so carefully. He was known to be the rowdy bad boy who could have the room's attention on him with a joke or even a wink.

Doubt was hardly in his ball park and he tended to act first, think later in every aspect of his life. The cockyness and the wittyness had always been there but he felt most like himself when those walls became transparent around her.

He could lie and say it's nothing and maybe a week or month would pass and the moment would spark and he would confess, however she looked like she was more than ready to accept whatever was to be said. Almost like she had been waiting for it.

“I would just hate for you to realize that you lost something you could have had sooner. You always rush head first into things and live on the wild side, don’t hesitate with this.”

Blossoms words played in his head like a broken stereo on repeat. He didn’t want to hesitate. He didn’t want to live with regrets. The butterflies in his stomach had died down slightly. Whatever speech he had planned in the bathroom was long gone. It would be best to speak from his heart than sound like some animated doll who only had five things to say.  

Butch curled his palm. “Alright then.” He said with confidence. He turned to match her stone cold gaze and tight smirk. They loved to play the stare game but right now he wanted to win this war. “Enough bullshit then.”

She tilted her head with interest as he begged for an ounce of confidence to come and rescue him so that he didn’t seem like a sweaty hormonal boy. A soft hand was placed on his shoulder.

“Butch.” She said softly. “Breath. It’s just me.” She winked.

And she was right. He gave her a nod and her hands went back to her lap.

“Buttercup, I spent the last hour trying to think of what to say to you. My head was filled with all these emotions of how I think you’re not only the hottest and coolest girl alive, but how you are my best friend. The thing is I was working myself up over nothing because we know that you like me and I like you.”

She hummed at the statement and took another sip of her coffee.

“Which is why a sappy declaration of why I think your eyes are stunning or how you have a nice ass will not do.”

“I do have a nice ass.” She smirked.

“Yeah well I like telling you that. So.” He held up the paper. “What do you say BC?”

She took the paper with a bright smile. “I think, ‘Wanna fuck?’ would have summed it up.” She said in a low tone mocking his voice.  

“Okay ya know what? Boomer yelled at me for that so I blame him.” They shared a laugh before she set her cup down and cupped his cheek with her hand.

“For the record I don’t mind the sappy shit, at least coming from you.”

He bent down until their noses bummed before tilting his head and capturing her lips slowly. He had always imagined that their first kiss would be ignited by passion or lust, maybe a near death situation. But this right here, sitting in a park on a cool autumn night while sipping on cheap and slightly burned coffee seemed to be just as perfect as the rest.

Her lips were soft to the touch and tasted like mint. The tips of her hair tickled his cheeks as another gust came and she leaned in closer to him. They pulled away and he got lost in her eyes momentarily as they held a spark that seemed new and inviting.

A small tinge of red was on her cheeks as she shifted her eyes towards the ground. “But for the record, we are going to fuck right?” She said.

A laugh escaped his lips. “Oh without a doubt.” He winked at her and flashed a smirk that she thought was charming.

She smiled before they grabbed their coffee and walked towards her apartment building. There was a comfortable silence between them and he was thankful for it. His eyes kept glancing towards her, trying not to get caught but he was taken away by her.

In all the years he had known her, she was seen as an ultimate force for battle. A hunger for justice was always present on her face during battle and a stronger punch would follow. He had seen it all. Her desire to save and fight for others. The media knew her for being dark and sassy, which was true but they also never thought she would be as soft and sweet as her sisters.

Moments like these where there was no one else around and the only sound was the leaves shaking in the wind is what he enjoyed. He got to see her in a light that she hid in the shadows.

Slowly he reached his hand towards hers, a slight hesitation on his part but he interlocked their fingers together and for some reason, it felt like the most natural thing he’s ever done.

She glanced at him, squeezing softly to let him know that it was okay to do.

“I just want you to know that I’m really into you, sappy and cute shit too. You’re always gonna be the toughest person in the world but I’m also gonna like seeing the sugar side of you.”

“Thanks Butch. I’m always gonna like seeing the puppy dog tail of you.” She teased and a fake scoff came from him.

“Wow.” He said dramatically. “That was a low blow and here I was trying to be nice but I see you’re still the same ass wipe as before.” They stared at each other before breaking out into a fit of laughter.

Her giggles came down and she nodded towards her room. “Let’s go watch a movie.” She tugged his hand.

He followed her up the apartment stairs to her room, he could barely contain the smile on his face. The doubt and hesitation was long gone as he kissed her some more that night. If there was one thing he loved more than laying next to her or having her snuggled up into his arms while a movie played, it was the fact that nothing between them had changed.

She was still his best friend who liked to place bets and challenge him to a round of video games. The same girl who could take anyone on for soccer or basketball and even the same girl who stood at city hall with a grin as blood dripped from her nose without a care in the world. She was everything from before and everything he had always wanted.

---

Five years later

“Can I ask you a question?” Butch said.

Buttercup looked up from the book she was reading. “Whats up?”

“Well in my class we were talking about belongings and our prized possessions. I said mine was my wedding ring because it reminds me of you.” He smiled as he glanced at the gold band. “So what would yours be?”

BC sat up and looked at her own ring. “I mean I would say my ring too but to be honest it's something you gave me a long time ago.”

He furrowed his eyebrows as she leaned over to her night stand and opened the drawer. She took out a small velvet box that her wedding ring came in.

“Thought you already said your ring.”

She rolled her eyes and no matter how much she did it, he would never get tired of it. “It's what's inside dumb ass.” The box was tossed on her bed and he took it and flipped the latch open.

“Holy shit.” He gasped as he saw the small piece of paper with the faded green inked heart. “I didn’t know you kept this.”

Buttercup shrugged before kissing his cheek. “I don’t know, it means a lot even if it's something simple. Made me realize that I wanted to be with you forever.”

The box was closed and set to the side before he went and kissed her. “I love you.” He said against her lips and she giggled before responding with “I love you too.”

--

I hope you enjoyed this and thank you again for trusting me to deliver the green goods. 

Also BIG thank you to my wonderful betas  @creativecilla @avesthetea @lisathefan

*My commissions are open*

[fallingsunflower]

BESTIES I'm so sorry - I hit my post limit waaaay earlier than expected! Some of y'all joined me on my backup account, (which I also hit the limit on lmao), but I'm back now.

I had over 400 asks to go through and I'll give you a warning that not all of them will appear (either because they were old or because they were topics we already answered). But here is a giant list of asks I compiled for you from when I wasn't allowed to post lol they don't really require my response but I found them entertaining to read. Hope you don't mind I've just put them all together in one post. It's also to save me from using up my 250 posts lol

"this is all so embarrassing like my god imagine when the promotion of the movie starts how horrible it will be for other people who made the movie too"

"SELL UR TICKETS TODAY WATCH THE MOVIE ILLEGALLY, next article we’ll be talking about these two assholes filing for bankruptcy. cheap harlots. don’t mess with your meal ticket."

"hate to say it but i defs think they‘ve got a sliver of the gp’s attention for five minutes"

"I am scanning through all these photos looking for just ONE where he looks like he's smiling and enjoying this. It's so crazy."

"I guess those are all the pics we’re getting right now. But I wouldn’t be surprised if they finish the Italy trip off with one more major Backgrid photo shoot."

"Olivia’s trending on Twitter but not Harry. Like it’s obvious who’s getting the PR gains here!"

"If they dont give us a 6 month or more break after this im gonna need them to pay for my therapy bills from now on bc of this damage no joke let me crawl back into my shit hole now 😑"

"The palce they at is referred to as “tuscanys best-kept secret”. Everyone point and laugh."

"she looks like she’s enjoying all of this. he looks like he wants to push her into the water."

"a few people said he’s keeping his shorts pulled up or covered in all the shots because of the Nike branding which they ask to not get photographed. What a setup."

"Man I knew the second those Tomdaya pics came out of them kissing and how they were trending so fast that HO were going to do something to 'top' them. Its pathetic /// FRRR. she probably hoped for the positive reactions that people gave tom & zendaya but unfortunately, miss girl got the opposite. when will they realize that nobody, but his fans, find them cute lmao can they just stop, it’s so embarrassing 😭😭😭"

"He really out here doing this with someone who almost old enough to be his mother, shiiiiiiiit. Sickening. Sick of these 2 for real now, i was fine with the good old blurry back content and whatnot but this? Crossing a line here nobody wanna see that shit and knowing how people feel goooooood damn."

"I aboslutely despise kendall for obvious reason but this one is actually worse than the hendall one bc you couldnt really see as much as now dis gos tang."

"She’s also wearing the cross necklace again. I feel like if that was so meaningful to her she wouldn’t risk loosing it in the ocean 🙄"

"guys have eyes on tmz. I Do not have tw now. they were so aggressive towards them"

"I'm sorry for Harry because you lost your damn mind bro"

"Now why the hendall pics are better ?? NO SHADE BUTT"

"I’m genuine confused like do they actually want dwd to flop or what? I just threw up in my mouth I sure as hell ain’t gonna watch their sorry ass movie. Is it supposed to flop? I’m so confused!"

"The match was not interesting enough so they cooked up something different especially since people were pointing out how they staged the PDA. And the page 6 article is out already!!!"

"Who the fuck thought this was a good idea"

"Is it just me or does harry's face looks really blank for someone out on a Romantic date with his alleged girlfriend.?"

"if thats it, harry hasn’t no game🤣🤣🤣🤣"

"so this is why the tabloids weren’t talking about the match pics! they didn’t have any value on their own. now with the yacht pics? my oh my they’re gonna get the clicks of their lives. her team was prob like “wait a sec we got something for y’all”"

"If they were models hired to act like a couple they wouldn't get the job......"

"Not them starring right at the camera in some of them help make it less obvious will you"

"HENDALL🤣🤣🤣is that uuuu"

"Harry’s ass crack thought it should make an appearance too."

"What a great day for team PR, happy Monday you guys! Let's pop the champagne 🍾🍾🍾🍾 P. S. They both need acting lessons, tbh"

"It’s quite interesting how everything that’s happened before I’ve seen predicted weeks/and in advance on blogs or fan accounts. Like his life has always been so predictable but damn"

"He was hiding the Nike check. That’s why his swim trucks are rolled up to an absurd degree even for him. He knew he was gonna get photographed."

"What I’m noticing is wether people like them together or not, everyone’s saying they’re aren’t a hot couple…there was more chemistry in the Kendall pics by far"

"i also find it weird that he’s not smiling in any of the pictures and it would be one thing if there were five pics from ten minutes of time but there are like 70 from an obvious extended period of time"

"It's interesting everyone involved is being Team Try Hard. Yet the universe says no. The last set of pics, Tom and Zendaya overshadowed. People even paid more attention to Angelina and the Weekend (even if business possibly). Fast forward to today and all this fakery only for Gwen/Blake to tie the knot. His team needs to get a clue. She needs to go. Harry needs to clean this up fast."

"Ok i looked at one hugging pic and one kidding pic and they could not look more stagged. It looks unatural ,strange and weird from all angles. You can clearly see from their body posture they are posing for a photographer from backgrid."

"Like I said in my ask a couple days ago the day we get kissing pics is the day that I believe this is all a stunt and I was right. They took a page out of hendall 2016 and it’s looks so forced and awkward. Hendall did it better cause at prater they had chemistry. They must be scared this movie is going to tank because they are pushing this way too hard"

"Real, PR, or whatever relationship it is, they’re fucking boring. You are on a yacht in Italy, can’t you have a little bit of fun? I can’t believe how boring they are, I just can’t. Even if it is just PR, can’t you make a fucking dumb joke so you can laugh or something? Do they have anything in common like to talk about or discuss or make fun of? I’d literally killed myself if I looked like that in a relationship. They are not communicating in any photos we’ve got. They are just walking, or sitting. Even when they hold hands or kiss or hug, they never communicate."

"okay but did ya’ll see the pic of her diving in?? i can’t stop laughing 😭😭😭😭"

"they look horrifically awkward i cannot believe what harry is doing"

"“HEY PAPS COME GET A PIC OF US KISSING TO MAKE OUR RELATIONSHIP MORE BELIEVABLE!!!!!”"

"his ass is hanging out and her bra is almost off what in the hell"

"Hqs on a yacht like that? Mhmhmhm hmmmmm / I bloody well hope that’s not the extend of their acting. That’s dire! 🤦‍♀️"

"this is literally the most predictable “couple” to exist. first, people talked about them showing up the game, and they did. second, people were just talking about kissing pics... AND THEY JUST CAME OUT LMAOOOOOO"

"annnnnnnnnnnnnd there it is. YOU KNOW THEY KNEW THERE WAS A CAMERA."

"ok but where’s the pda or did that get made up? cause these have to be the most awkward pics i’ve ever seen which makes me feel better 😂 also i can feel the meme’s coming with the one of her diving off the boat"

"I call it how I see it they are both assholes and full of shit. Like do your fake kiss somewhere else I do not want to see it!"

"Can they at least act like they’re having a good time?"

"hahahaha I can't stop laughing with that photo of O it's literally her knowing she's being photographed and diving into a professional swimmer style😭"

"the pics are so organic that Olivia is looking straight at the pap before kissing Harry."

"he looked a lot happier with kendall in their yacht pics compared to today’s. i know that was PR too, but he was very smiley and seemed talkative. with this girl it’s like the complete opposite lmao."

[dershloopmain]

End Of Everything - Chapter 2

‘’Jesus,’’ Casey said, looking down at the broken fence with multiple zombies, all in different states of living, tried to claw their way out of their barbed wire and wooden confines.

‘’Tell me about it. I knew they were dumb but I thought they were supposed to have dope eyesight? Doesn't look like it to me,’’’ Raph scoffed, pulling his own splintering baseball bat out of his bag, poking the arm of the closest trapped zombie.

‘’Won’t Donnie want a sample for his tests? Don't poke em too much what if they come free you ass!”

‘’They won't come free! I dunno I thought he was good for all that.’’

‘’I dunno either but shouldn't we at least ask him? Besides, we need the help,’’ Casey said with a shrug, ‘’and stop poking em Raph!’’

‘’What? You can ask him, but if I show my face in that lair before this is done, Leo will end my life so you’re going,’’ Raph said, pulling back from the undead recipient of his abuse.

‘’Fine, I’ll go alone then.’’

‘’Don’t say it like that you’re making it seem like you're going out into a haunted forest. You just gotta drop down the sewer pipe and walk like 100 feet then you’re at the turnstiles.’’

‘’I know! I also know I am, just as susceptible to Leo’s… whatever we’re calling them.’’

‘’First of all, when did you learn such a big word Jones and second just text him then you big dope,’’ Raph rolled his eyes, turning back to his undead victims, beginning to poke and prod at their bodies.

‘’I said stop fuckin’ poking em dude!’’ Casey said, pushing Raph away from the fence with his foot as he tapped out a text to Donnie, ‘’And it's surprising what hanging with D all day makes you learn.’’

‘’Hey! Rude. They're not gonna hurt anyone they're stuck as anything in there. Besides, I’ve been hanging with Don for years, you won't get smarter in a couple of months. Half his ramblings are gibberish at this point,’’ Raph said, sitting up and continuing to poke the zombie. Casey rolled his eyes, realising he wasn't going to win this.

‘’I dunno. I guess I just actually pay attention to him,’’ Casey said with a glare.

‘’Oh sorry,’’ Raph said with a sarcastic high pitched tone, ‘’What is he your boyfriend now? Why’re you getting so defensive?’’ Casey shot another glare at Raph, ‘’Yikes, touchy subject then. I’ll support you no matter what bro, and if you wanna kiss some time, just let me know,’’ Raph said, standing and pouting his lips while moving towards his friend.

‘’Dude stop it,’’ Casey laughed, pushing Raph back, ‘’No he isn’t either I’m just saying, maybe you’d be less of a bone head if you actually listened to him.’’

‘’Nice to know I’ve still got a chance with you then,’’ Raph said with a smirk, ‘’And who are you calling ‘bonehead’ Casey Jones, you’ve got more skull than cells.’’

‘’Alright alright I get it you’re gay for me, its hard not to be, just don't let Mona hear or she will kill both of us. I’m also just gonna ignore that last part but what I said still stands you’re a bonehead.’’

‘’I show you bone head,’’ Raph said, diving at Casey and tackling him to the ground, locking him in a headlock, ‘’Say I'm not a bonehead and I’ll let you go.’’ He said with a smile.

‘’Never!’’

‘’Well then, I hope you like the taste of dirt and sweat because I ain’t moving until you say it!’’

‘’Children, children, come on stop it,’’ Donnie said, rolling his eyes as he pulled himself out of the sewer. Raph looked up at his brother and smiled, allowing Casey a moment to flip Raph up and off of him. He landed on the dusty, cracked tarmac with a shout of surprise, before huffing and pulling himself and Casey up off of the floor, ‘’Now then. What’s the problem?’’

‘’We need help and Case was wondering if you needed new samples to test,’’ Raph said, pointing at the hole in the fence and multiple zombies clawing at the floor in an attempt to pull themselves free and feast on the 3’s flesh.

‘’Right… I’m guessing Leo said you couldn't have help right? That’s why you texted me?’’

‘’Yup.’’

‘’Thought so,’’ Donnie said softly with a small grimace on his face. A grimace that didn't go unnoticed by Casey and Raph. Nothing was said regarding it but yet… they all understood. A silent yet ever-present cloud hung over them all but not a word was said. Raph cleared his throat.

‘’Right then,’’ He spoke, rubbing his hands together readily, ‘’Let’s get on with it.’’ With that, the moment was over and the cloud disappeared, however not completely. It still loomed over them, threatening to take over their beings at any point. Donnie and Casey nodded, pulling their splintering boe staff and baseball bat out respectively and begun to shift the monsters, pushing them back from a safe distance.

‘’How long have our defences been compromised?’’ Donnie said, straightening up and letting out a deep breath.

‘’Not sure,’’ Raph said, copying his brother, ‘’But they’re really stuck in there so it must’ve been at least a couple of days. Probably longer.’’

‘’Why did Leo only send you two to do this?’’

‘’Your guess is as good as mine. He probably still hates me because of what happened.’’

‘’He can’t be still hung up on that. It’s been 3 months.’’

‘’I know,’’ Raph let out a shaky sigh, lifting his hand and pinching the bridge of his nose, ‘’He's not the only one who lost someone important though. We all lost something but we aren't all tyrannical megalomaniacs.’’

‘’You know how close Usagi and he were though. You can’t be mad at him for missing him.’’

‘’It’s past ‘missing him’. Fuck, I miss Mona too but it’s not my fault it happened I just- I just hate that I can't stop loving him. He's my brother, no matter what he does to me. I nearly died on that supply run, if it weren't for Casey I wouldn't be here but… no matter how mad it makes me I can’t stay mad at him,’’ Raph bit his tongue, his shoulders sinking in defeat, ‘’I’d do anything to get him back.’’

‘’I know Raph. I know,’’ Donnie said softly, moving towards his brother and wrapping his arms around him, rubbing his shell comfortingly. Casey didn’t say a word, he only followed Donnie’s lead and wrapped his own arms around his friend.

‘’Fuck me, man, there's something about the apocalypse that's making us all sappy,’’ Casey laughed, pulling an arm away from Raph and wrapping it around Donnie, who evidently also wasn't taking the entire situation well, but was just a lot worse at talking about it. He could tell from the turtle's physique that it’d taken a toll on him. Initially, while he had always been relatively thin, any muscle mass he had had before was gone, leaving nothing but skin, bone and organs. The eye bags Donnie had always sported seemed deeper and more rooted in weeks of sleepless nights rather than days of late nights and early mornings. His face was sallow and thin, his cheekbones protruding through his skin, almost pushing to escape their green confines. But he never said a word. Not to him. Not to Mikey or Raph. Not even to April. He was a silent sufferer, he wouldn't say a word to anyone but yet everyone knew. One of these days, Casey thought, he was going to have a proper conversation with Donnie. A proper talk. Even back before all this, they hadn’t been insanely close. Always at war over something or other yet something drew Casey to Donnie. He wasn't sure what yet but he’d figure it out. Eventually.

‘’Guys you do realise there's still zombies literal centimetres from us,’’ Donnie said, glazing towards the green-grey decaying hand reaching out for Raph’s ankle.

‘’Oh shit yeah,’’ Raph and Casey said in unison, pulling away and starring down at the writhing mass.

‘’How are we gonna move ‘em then?’’ Raph said, pulling a broken hockey stick out of Casey’s bag and poking the creatures again.

‘’My God Raph you’re like a 6-year-old. Stop. Poking. The. Fucking. Zombies!’’ Casey said angrily, ripping the hockey stick out of his hand and shoving them firmly back into his bag.

‘’Well, by the looks of things,’’ Donnie said, crouching down and levering the creatures up using his staff, ‘’They’ve been impaled by the fence. Pushing them back is just going to lodge them in even more and break the fence even more. We need to create some kind of lever system to lift them up so we can push them off the fence and out of our perimeter,’’ He stood up again, stretching his legs out and giving them a small shake, before looking over at Raph and Casey.

‘’This is why you’re the brain’s and I’m the brawn D,’’ Casey said, wrapping an arm around his shoulder and pushing him down into a headlock.

‘’Cut it out Casey,’’ Donnie said indignantly, squirming in an attempt to get out of Casey’s arms.

‘’Yeah Casey, cut it out. We gotta sort this out before ‘Nardo throws his rattle out his pram,’’ Raph rolled his eyes and Casey grimaced, loosening his grip and allowing Donnie to pull himself free.

Without another word, Donnie pulled a small toolbox out of his bag and placed it on the floor not too far from the creatures writhing in the barbed wire and jagged wood. Opening the box gently, he pulled out a small, clean-looking glass syringe and a neatly folded wet wipe.

‘’Ok,’’ He said finally, ‘’I need you two, and its imperative that you listen and do exactly as I say because I’m your only hope for a cure and if I get turned you’re all doomed so,’’ Donnie pointed at the pile of zombies, ‘’hold them down and away from me. But under no circumstances are you to do ANYTHING that could kill that one. If they die, their sample will be tarnished and it won't be effective,’’ He finished, a stern and serious expression on his face.

‘’Got it, Don,’’ Raph said, walking towards the pile and pushing his foot down onto the head of the creature Donnie had said, ‘’Casey, can you hold the others back while try and sort this one out?’’

‘’I’ll try,’’ He said sheepishly, looking down at the 3 or so other zombies laying at his feet before quickly composing himself and beginning to use his hockey stick to lift them up and pushing them back and away from his friends and home. Stepping over the barbed wire and broken fencing, he jammed his hockey stick back into his bag and pulled the splintering bat out, moving towards the now free pile of freaks.

‘’You want me to kill em, D?’’

‘’Can do,’’ Donnie said flatly, not looking up from his test subject.

‘’Uh- You know what never mind I’ll just kill em,’’ Casey said, swinging his bat in a downward arch, smashing the creatures’ skulls in, killing them all instantaneously. Mushy brain and dark, viscous blood splattered on his sneakers and jeans, coating them in another layer of grit and grime. He had to admit, the idea that these were once living people was disturbing to him. They’d once had lives, jobs, families and friends. They’d been like him once. Alive and free. Would everyone have bashed his skull in if he’d been infected? Or would he have been corralled and used as a test subject for Donnie to find a cure? He hoped the latter but… He wasn’t sure. After what’d happened, he wasn’t sure Leo would’ve been insanely happy with the idea of keeping zombies in the lair, especially not him. Being low on the hierarchy had its perks but not having Leo on his side in regards to anything was not one of them. He sighed, shaking the viscera off of his shoes and bat before stepping back into the borders of their home.

‘’Nearly done Don?’’ Casey said, crouching near him. He glanced over at his

‘’Nearly and… there we go done,’’ Donnie said, wiping the mucus and deep red blood from the small wound he’d just created, smiling at his work.

‘’Why’d you wipe it after. They’re dead their entire body is infected,’’ Raph said, removing his foot from the creatures head and letting Donnie back up before dropping its arms and dashing around to the other side of the fence.

‘’Force of habit,’’ Donnie said quietly, clearly uncomfortable with what was about to happen.

‘’We have to do it, Don, I know you don’t like it but we do,’’ Raph said, walking over to his brother and putting a comforting hand on his shoulder. Donnie looked away, gently placing the syringe into a ziplock back and putting it back into his toolbox.

‘’I know you do I just- I don’t think I’ll ever get used to seeing them be killed. They used to alive and through no fault of their own, now they’re monsters I- I don't know how much more of this excessive violence and murder I can take,’’ Donnie said, his eyes filling up with tears.

‘’Hey, hey don’t get upset. Crying’s healthy and all but if you start, I’ll start and even Raph might start- hey ow!’’ Casey exclaimed, whipping around and shooting Raph a death glare. Raph snorted, a mischievous smirk plastered on his face. Donnie laughed, wiping away yet another batch of unshed tears.

‘’Sorry it just… gets a little much at times,’’ Donnie shook his head, rubbing his elbow nervously.

‘’Don’t apologise for having emotions you big dummy,’’ Raph said, walking to stand next to Casey, ‘’I gotta say, me and Casey aren’t exactly peachy. I doubt Mikey and April are either. Don’t even get me started on Leo. It’s ok to feel like this Don, just stop bottling it up. That’s where it’s not healthy.’’

‘’I can’t believe for once WE are the one's schooling Donnie,’’ Casey said, crossing his arms and shaking his head jokingly. Raph rolled his eyes, as did Donnie.

‘’Now the sentimental shit’s over, let’s just finish up here and go down, I seriously doubt ‘Nardo is gonna be happy with how long we’ve been,’’ Raph said, trying not to think about what was inevitably to come.

‘’Tell me about it. D, we’ll deal with the creature and you can like, close your eyes and ears if that’ll help, then we’ll get started on the fence,’’ Casey said, trying to add an air of enthusiasm to his voice to bring up the mood, however, even he could tell it wasn’t working.

‘’Sure,’’ Donnie said, walking back to the manhole cover and looking away, covering his ears as Raph and Casey pulled out their respective weapons and began pulling the zombie out of the barbed wire and splintering wood, replacing it out onto the dusty street. Then, Raph stepped towards the thing that was slowly attempting to crawl back towards them and slammed his sai down into its head, cracking its skull and killing it, once and for all. He felt the vibrations up his arm as the metal of his sai clashed with the concrete, causing him to shiver a little, before pulling himself up and shaking the remnants of blood and brain off of his sai.

‘’Ok D, all done,’’ Casey shouted over, turning around to his friend and giving him a reassuring smile, who offered a small, shaky smile in return.

With that, Raph tucked his sai away and stepped over what was leftover of the small portion of the fence.

‘’You got any nails in that thing Donnie?’’ Raph asked, gesturing at the toolbox.

‘’I should have a few, I brought some hammers too, I figured you two wouldn't have remembered to bring any with you,’’ Donnie said, opening the toolbox and pulling out a handful of nails and handing them to Casey, before pulling his backpack around so it hung over one shoulder and rummaging through it for a couple of seconds before pulling out 3 relatively clean hammers and handing one to each of them.

‘’Well then, let's get to it,’’ Raph said, swinging the hammer around and grabbing a couple of nails from Casey’s outstretched hand, before picking up one of the wooden boards and beginning to bash it back into the wooden post that protruded from the tarmac. Casey and Donnie soon followed suit, before finally beginning to carefully pick up the barbed and wrap it around the makeshift fencing.

‘’That wasn’t so bad,’’ Raph said, grinning at their handiwork.

‘’Definitely a lot quicker with you here D,’’ Casey said, smiling at his friend.

‘’No problem Casey. I know how Leo can be, so just text me if you ever need help with anything. He already doesn't like you coming down to my lab. Thinks you’re stopping me from working or something,’’ Donnie said with a sigh.

‘’Well, I’m not gonna stop coming unless you tell me to. I don’t care what he thinks,’’ Casey said defiantly, putting his hands on his hips as if he were some hero.

‘’A real modern-day revolutionary you are Casey Jones,’’ Donnie said, rolling his eyes with a smirk.

‘’Should we head back? It’s getting cold,’’ Raph said, wrapping his arms around himself and rubbing them in an attempt to preserve any sort of body heat he could.

‘’Jesus it is. Must really be September,’’ Casey said, stuffing his hands deep into his hoody pockets.

Donnie nodded, flexing his fingers before pulling them back into a fist multiple times.

With that, the three headed towards the manhole cover and climbed down back into the sewer. It was surprising how much you learned about New York’s bathroom habits after 6 months of the apocalypse. Raph had always assumed that there’d always be greywater down here, no matter how many humans lived up top yet somehow, the sewers had run dry. Remains of final faeces and bathroom breaks lay dried up or non-existent along the floor of the sewer. It was almost impressive yet disturbing. The world really was ending. Or, as Donnie had put it ‘’Humanity's end as the dominant life force on earth’’.

‘’Bite your tongue Raph. If Leo says anything, don’t bite,’’ Donnie whispered as they hopped the turnstiles into the lair. Raph swallowed in a desperate attempt to dampen his dry tongue, failing miserably. He could feel his stomach turn in knots and any food he’d eaten in the last 24 hours was churning in his stomach, threatening to make a reappearance.

‘’Raphael,’’ Leo’s deep voice filled their ears, Raph flinched, ‘’I trust your supply run went well.’’

‘’Yeah. Got more medical supplies. There wasn’t much else we needed though so that was it.’’ ‘’What about our defences. Are they secure now?’’

‘’Yeah. Casey and Donnie helped me patch it back up so it should be fine.’’

‘’Donatello helped? I thought I told you that you and Casey were to do it alone.’’

‘’Yes, I know, I’m sorry but he was already up there to get another sample from the zombies and he had stuff on him to help so…’’ Raph trailed off, his eyes trained on the ground. He refused to look into Leo’s cold, uncaring eyes. If he did, he already knew he couldn't hold himself back.

‘’Hmm. Donatello? Is this what happened?’’

‘’Yes, Leo. I promise you, they didn’t ask me to help them. I asked them if I could come up to get a sample for my studies,’’ Donnie said sheepishly, looking up at Leo, trying his best not to let his fear be shown.

‘’Fine. I’ll believe you. You may all leave now.’’ Leo said plainly, glaring down at Casey and Raph, both of whom were starring at the ground still as they walked away, shoulders hunching slightly.

Leo nearly felt himself crack. He wanted to stop them, tell them he was sorry and wanted everything to go back to normal but… he couldn't. He couldn’t stop hating them for what happened. He couldn’t stop his blood from boiling every time he saw Raph walk past him to leave the lair. Maybe time would heal all wounds, but for now, he was perfectly content blaming and hating his younger brother for what he’d done. Not just because of what he'd lost. It's what all of them had lost. It was how reckless and immature Raph had been and HOW he'd caused it. All of it added up into a pit of rage that had been brewing for years. The number of times he'd been kidnapped or injured because of Raph's idiocy and complacency and arrogance. What had happened had broken him, the small, sane and happy, innocent part of him had snapped. Maybe if Usagi returned that part would be reconnected but… he knew that wouldn’t happen. It couldn’t happen. And it was all Raph’s fault.

[pilot-boi]

Shouting In Cafes: Chapter 15

Invasion

There had to be laws against this, right? This was breaking and entering

AO3 LINK

Neptune was considering deleting Instagram off his phone.

He never used it. What was the point of having an app that you never used? It just sat there, looking pretty and taking up space that his dying and outdated phone desperately needed.

He only had, like, 500 followers anyway. It’s not like anyone would miss him. He only posted once every two months to show off places he went with his mom, places Jaune forced him to go, and places he went by himself.

And the people he followed only served to make him feel bad about what he was wearing, how bad his skin was, and how he was very quickly running out of money.

He didn’t need it! He for sure didn’t need it. Really.

He clicked on the app.

Sun’s page popped up.

He found himself scrolling.

God, Neptune was pathetic.

What had he said to himself just a few weeks ago? Don’t fall for another straight guy, you fucking idiot, you’re only going to live to regret it. Yet here he was. Falling for another straight guy.

This picture of him from June was nice, though. Sun at the beach, posing as he had to because he’s Sun, wearing stupid and absurdly colorful swim trunks, tan lines outlining where a T-shirt might be, literally every muscle visible, pink tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth. God, he was ripped. Neptune didn’t think it was physically possible to be that ripped.

Neptune had seen this picture maybe five times in the last two days. Why should he deprive himself of the joy of beautiful people?

He sighed. Because he was torturing himself, maybe.

Scattered amongst the solo pictures of Sun and numerous selfies were pictures of him kissing a girl’s cheek, carrying a girl on his back, grinning for the camera with a date with melty ice creams in their hands.

Neptune scrolled past those.

Ugh.

Should he text Sun? It had been two days since they had last spoken. Two days filled with anxiety and bad beers that Neptune didn’t even like and half drunken rants to Jaune. Poor Jaune. He needed to stop laying everything on Jaune.

Neptune still couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong with Sun. Maybe he got food poisoning, or kidnapped, or died in a horrible car crash. The last one was more likely than others.

God, why wasn’t Sun texting him?

No, no. He was fine. Sun liked to wait for Neptune to text first.

This was fine.

Everything was fine.

Neptune knocked his head against his phone screen once. Twice. A couple times. Stupid, idiot, stupid. Stop falling for pretty boys that show you a spoonful of kindness, Neptune. Pretty straight boys. It only causes heart break, no matter how good he looks in swim trunks.

A knock at the door sent Neptune’s phone flying out of his hands.

“Jesus, fuck! ” Neptune yelled and dropped to the floor, picking the phone back up with jittering hands.

“Wow, you have a mouth on you!” a voice called from the hallway.

It was Sun. Of course it was Sun. God himself could see Neptune’s pathetic ass and decided to smite him by bringing this horrible, horrible hot boy straight to his dorm room.

“Sun, what the hell are you doing here?!” Neptune yelped as he attempted to put himself back together. How was his hair? Was his hair okay? Were his button up and skinny jeans clean? Was he at least somewhat presentable?

Scarlet was right. This wasn’t how you acted around friends.

“I’m just coming over to say ‘hi’ to my buddy!” Sun said, his voice somewhat muffled through the thin wood.

Neptune managed to pull himself to the door and yank it open. “You nearly gave me a heart attack.”

Jesus, it was worse seeing him in person. Bright eyes, brighter smile. Dressed like he was going to the beach even though it was getting down to the fifties outside. And, god help him, that awful neon yellow tank top that said SWOLE across his pecs.

Neptune was right the first time. They were very nice pecs.

Said pecs were also bracketed by one large paper shopping bag and one paper holder filled with two cups of coffee.

“What’s all this?” Neptune said.

Sun pushed past him into his dorm room.

“Hey!” Neptune said just as Sun interrupted with,

“I brought snacks and coffee, dude!” He pressed the bag of groceries into Neptune’s hands and began rummaging about Neptune’s room. “You’ve never let me in here before! Wow, it really is clean...”

The rough paper scratched against Neptune’s chin as he set the groceries down onto his bed. He spun around and grabbed Sun’s shoulder before he could set his hands on the mountain of carefully organized papers sitting on Neptune’s desk.

“Please don’t touch my stuff.”

Sun held up his hands in surrender with a crooked smile.

Neptune sighed and let his hand fall to his side. “What are you actually doing here?”

“I really just wanted to hang out with you, man!” Sun said and set down the coffee holder, plucking his out and handing the other to Neptune. “We always go these long periods without talking or texting. What’s up with that?” He took a sip from his coffee, looking Neptune up and down. “Was I interrupting something?”

Instagram was still open on his phone. Neptune slammed his hand down on it as casually as he could. Which is to say not casually in the slightest. “No, you weren’t.”

“You don’t sound very sure.” 

Neptune felt the need to slam his head against something hard. He settled on grabbing Sun’s shoulder and pushing him back into his desk. Sun let out a huge laugh and held his hands up once again.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” he cackled.

“Asshole,” Neptune sniffed.

Sun backed himself towards Neptune’s bed and sat down, bouncing a little, and patted the place next to him.

Neptune couldn’t help but let a smile crack onto his face. “What?”

“Sit down! You’re stressing me out, standing up with your arms crossed like that!”

“Fine, fine, fine!” Neptune took a seat on his bed next to Sun. “Really, Sun. What’s with all the coffee and snacks?”

Sun reached into his grocery bag and took out a huge bag of cheetos, popped it open, and began to munch on one. “Well,” he said between bites. “It’s easier to talk over food and coffee and I had something I wanted to talk about.”

“I would object to calling cheetos food.”

“You put them in your mouth and chew. That’s food.”

“You can do the same thing to a pencil.”

“Shut up! That’s not the point!” Sun’s lower lip pouted and his eyebrows pushed together. Like he was genuinely worried Neptune was making fun of him.

“Alright, continue.”

“Anyway,” Sun said pointedly. “I wanted to ask you a couple questions.”

“I- What?” Neptune spluttered, taken aback. “Why?”

“Because I know like nothing about you, bro!” Sun exclaimed, flopping back against Neptune’s bed dramatically. “I’ve known you for like a month and all I know about it is that, like, you go to this school!”

“So?” Neptune asked, an eyebrow raising.

“So that’s weird!” Sun complained, rolling onto his stomach and threatening to knock both Neptune and his coffee off the bed. Only Neptune’s reflexes kept them both from having hot coffee dumped all over them.

“What the hell dude?!”

“Sorry, sorry,”

“Like hell you are,” Neptune hissed, shaking his hand where the cup had burned him. He got up and put the cup on his desk, safe from any more of Sun’s flailing.

“Bro, give that back!” Sun exclaimed, shooting up and pinwheeling his arms for the receding coffee cup.

“No way in hell,” Neptune replied, jumping back to keep it out of reach. “You are not going to spill this and get coffee all over my bed.”

“Aw come on, I would never.”

“You totally would.”

“No way. I’ve got like, lightning fast reflexes.”

“Only because you drive like a maniac!”

“I do not!” Sun pouted as Neptune settled into his desk chair. “But whatever, you distracted me, bro! Let’s play a game” Sun proposed, eyes sparkling with what Neptune could only describe as mischief.

There was no way this was going to be good. 

“It’s nothing stupid, I swear!” Neptune was not reassured

Neptune leaned back, sipping from his own coffee as he did so. “Depends on what the game is, and what the rules are.”

Sun smiled. “No rules. We just take turns asking each other questions about the other.”

“Isn’t that just…a conversation?” 

“Well, yeah, but different! You don’t actually have to follow the flow of a conversation like this! You can just ask random stuff without it being weird!”

Neptune considered refusing for a second. He also considered evicting Sun from his dorm room. But he just looked so excited about his dumb plan.

God damn it, his willpower was about as strong as a wet paper towel. At least where Sun was concerned, it seemed. 

“Fine, but I reserve the right to refuse to answer,” Neptune agreed. With setting a rule himself, he gained at least a modicum of control back.

Not that it was likely to matter, knowing Sun. 

“Deal!” Sun chirped, eyes glittering and a smile splitting his face. He flopped down onto his elbows, letting his legs kick behind him, looking for all the world like a kid barely out of elementary school.

Sun gestured to Neptune with a smile. “You first.”

Neptune choked on his coffee, having realized only then that he’d been focused less on how much of it he’d been drinking, and more on the fact that Sun was laying on his bed as comfortably as if he owned the place. On his bed.

Oh dear sweet lord, save him.

[ayellowcurtain]

SKAM NL S3 EP2 - Lucas Van Der Heijden

Nothing happened, they just talked. 

Lucas doesn’t understand why his brain keeps reminding him of bright brown eyes looking at him. It was dark outside, but Lucas could clearly see Milan’s eyes and his memory kept every little detail. Not just his eyes but the way he looked at Lucas even when the group of girls came and dragged them back to the party.

Lucas didn’t have the time or the courage to ask for his number or social media or anything. So now he’s stuck, looking at his phone. He wrote Milan in every way he could think Milan could be written. And none of the profiles that Instagram suggested is his Milan.

He looks at the ceiling, dropping his phone by his side, hit by his own nonsense. His fucking Milan. What a stupid thought. 

Lucas has no idea of his last name either so his research is a dead end.

“I need some help…” Ralph comes in uninvited like always, pushing Lucas’ legs to the side so he can sit on his bed. “Does this guy look creepy?” Lucas takes a second to sit on the bed, looking at the picture. It’s a shirtless guy and the angle is so weird, you can barely see his face.

“How will I know?” Ralph sighs, looking at the picture again, showing the picture to Jayden too. He also sits on his bed but cares enough to get Ralph’s phone, touching the screen with two fingers to zoom in.

“You wanna fuck him?” Lucas takes a deep breath, looking at Ralph as he shrugs and thinks about it for a second. “If he’s just a piece of ass...” Jayden shrugs too and gives the phone back.

“Does he wanna be fucked?” Lucas tries, relaxing against the window behind him. He doesn’t know why he’s even engaging in this conversation, Ralph can get carried away sometimes.

“I don’t think any of us has any problem fucking, to be completely honest.” Jayden nods his head, relaxing against the wall, looking at his own phone, but still listening to the conversation.

“What do you need our help for then?”

“I think he’s one of those straight guys.” Lucas frowns, looking at the blonde that’s still staring at the same picture. “You know the ones.”

He feels his entire face warming up and Jayden laughs. He doesn’t know “the ones” in person, but he heard about it and he can also imagine. It doesn’t mean he likes the stupid jokes and how Jayden and Ralph act like they know every inch of him. They don’t. He knows there’s nothing he can say that will make them change their minds.

Everyone stays in silence and Lucas grabs his phone again. He’s sick of the unknown already, so he goes to Janna’s Instagram and types again: Milan.

Just like magic, there he is. How was Lucas so dumb? Of course, someone would have him by now. The profile picture doesn’t show much of his face, but just enough that Lucas can recognize him even with a beanie on and a hoodie covering his perfect mouth and jaw.

He doesn’t have many pictures posted, the last thing it’s a video, posted almost three months ago. Lucas makes sure to put it at the lowest volume before he can press play. 

Milan is skateboarding and the sun looks like it’s rising in the horizon, the streets are empty, but Milan keeps looking at both sides when passing by a crossroad. Whoever is filming calls for him and Milan turns his head, smiling so big, but he also looks tired, they were probably drunk, coming back from a party, Lucas has been there to know well the feeling and the faces with drunk smiles.

The stranger calls for Milan again after almost half a minute of silence and he looks back again, smiling, sticking his tongue out. He’s ridiculously handsome. Lucas wants to meet him, know more about the boy, his opinions if he still skates.

When he’s done watching the video for the fifth time, he realizes. If Milan ever looks again at the video, he’ll see Lucas’ name as one that watched the video after almost three months that he posted it. If he still uses Instagram but doesn’t post, he’ll know that Lucas was randomly stalking him today.

Lucas looks around the room again, Ralph is still on his phone, lying down on Lucas’ bed and Jayden is sitting on his bed, also very busy with his phone. If today is the day Milan sees his name and picture as one of the viewers on his video, Lucas might as well add him and play it cool. They talked for some time and they go to the same school, it’s ok to have each other on their social media.

Once that is out of the way, Lucas scrolls through the other posts, careful not to accidentally like random pictures. The bleached hair is new, he used to have his hair down to his shoulders almost two years ago, then it was shorter, very similar to Kes’, with wild curls pointing to every direction, but just a little lighter and then the Milan that he knows in person, with bleached hair that a few months back might have been a buzz cut. He keeps scrolling his notifications down, checking if there are new notifications, but it’s still empty. Maybe Milan really stopped using it and Lucas added him for no reason.

-

Lucas clicks on the button on the right side of his phone to check again: no new notifications. 

“Bro, stop looking at your phone, seriously. I’m talking to you!” Kes’ hand comes in front of his phone, moving from one side to the other so Lucas can look at him. He sighs and nods his head when Lucas finally puts his phone back inside his jeans pocket.

“What’s up?”

“What do you wanna do today after school? My parents are out if you wanna go to mine to chill for a little…” Lucas shakes his head. Going to Kes’ sounds good, he needs to relax and they haven’t spent that much time together these days. Lucas is trying to avoid the conversation that he knows Kes wants to have.

Kes will ask why he moved out, how his mom is doing, how is he doing, if Lucas is watching out for his mom even from afar, etc, etc. And Kes is right, Lucas should be taking care of her, but he just needed some time to himself after moving out. He’ll visit his mom soon.

It’s funny how they turned out to have two very different family situations. Lucas loves going to Kes’ place, it’s never fully empty, never completely organized, there’s a lot of people so he gets it that it’s hard to keep it clean all the time. And somehow the messiness makes it more like a home. 

“Sure, I can go to your place.” They shake hands and Kes smiles, giving him a hug. Jayden finally shows up, hanging himself around their shoulders.

“Hey, boys!” Lucas bends down just enough to get rid of Jayden’s arm around his shoulders and when he looks up to catch up on the conversation, he sees him, walking across the yard.

Light wash high waisted jeans, comfy and fitted black hoodie and mustard-y converse with white socks. He walks with so much confidence, both hands deep inside the front pockets of his jeans. It’s the most basic and yet, he looks like a model with all the style and the attitude. 

They’re very far from each other, but Milan turns his head just enough to catch Lucas’ eyes like he knew Lucas was staring at him. They keep looking at each other, Lucas can’t make his eyes look any other direction until someone comes right in front of him, too close even, and a kiss on the cheek makes him finally blink, adjusting his eyes to see who’s talking to him.

“How are you? Feeling better from the migraine?” Lucas needs one long breath in to remember when he had a migraine or what she’s even talking about. The blonde, small girl that apparently fell in love with him after a kiss or two. Emma. He didn’t have a migraine, but he said he had it so she could leave him alone at the party. He quietly left without saying goodbye after that.

“Yeah, thanks, I’m better.” He looks to his sides, Kes and Jayden seem more interested in her and her friends that are always by her sides. Lucas is too worried about himself to care. He should have chosen a different shirt this morning, this one is too old, he was too sleepy to mind it and now he looks like a child in front of Milan. He’s still on the other side of the yard, but he’s wearing sunglasses now.

Even if he can’t see his eyes, Lucas feels like he’s being watched. There’s no way to be sure from this far. If Milan is not looking, he’ll notice if Lucas starts staring at him. The thought doesn’t stop Lucas from looking anyway.

-

Maybe he should just stop being lazy and walk home, but it’s too hot and he doesn’t want to walk alone. Kes and Jayden went to Kes’ place and he didn’t feel like it, he’ll meet them later at whoever’s party they’re going to tonight. The Emma girl invited him (and the boys) to hang out later, but Lucas really doesn’t feel like it, so now he’s just praying something more interesting will show up.

Finally, the bus stops right in front of him and he puts his phone in his pocket, getting inside. As he looks to the back to see where he can sit on a nearly empty bus, he sees Milan getting in at the same time with the tiniest smile on his lips. There are only a few older people spread around the seats, there’s more than enough room for both of them to choose.

Lucas usually likes to seat in the back, as far away from strangers as he can. He doesn’t know what to do now, so he just walks to the back like he normally would do. Milan is looking at every row then back to Lucas like he’s waiting for Lucas to decide for him.

He stops in the corridor right next to the last row that has only two seats right next to each other. Milan raises his eyebrows, still standing, with his hand on the back of the seat that Lucas chose, he’s waiting for Lucas and so he goes to sit on the window seat and Milan finally sits by his side.

Milan is definitely not shy, he’s still constantly looking at Lucas while with a smile on his lips. A smile that says a lot that Lucas is not ready to admit. He’s looking at his hands and at Milan’s hands too. Lucas is not good with measurements, but he imagines their hands would fit well. His hands are a little bit smaller and paler.

As Milan is watching his every move, it’s probably not that hard to see what Lucas is looking at. He opens his right hand slowly with the palm up and with his left one, he runs his fingertips all the way from his palm to his fingers, holding his own hand and Lucas can’t help but laugh, shaking his head, looking out the window.

They stay in silence for way too long, Lucas wants to talk, to know Milan, but he doesn’t know what to say now that he was caught staring.

“Going home?” Milan finally asks and Lucas feels like he can breathe again.

“Yeah...you?” He looks at the other one and Milan nods his head, relaxing on his seat.

“Yes. No parties tonight?” Lucas opens his mouth slowly, his lips are dry and glued together, but he nods his head.

“There’s one I just...don't know if I’m going. And you? Why are you going home on a Friday?” Milan turns his body a little and Lucas feels like he can do the same and so he does, leaning against the window.

“I don’t know many people around here yet, but it’s nice to stay at home too. Don’t you like it?”

“I do sometimes, but it’s hard when you share your house, your bedroom…” He sighs, not daring to talk about his actual house situation.

“You share your bedroom?” Milan raises his eyebrows, but he’s not judging, his features are always soft when talking to Lucas.

“Yeah, unfortunately. I live with some friends.” It’s probably not the best to tell someone you’re interested in that you live with other invasive teenagers, but it’s better than if he was still with his mom.

“You don’t like your friends?” Lucas laughs, shaking his head.

“I like my friends. I just wish I had some privacy to smoke in peace, not having to share my joint or my bed.” Milan nods his head like he gets what Lucas means. For the first time since they sat down, Milan looks around and pats his pockets. When he seems to find whatever he was looking for, he puts his hand inside the pocket and pulls out slowly, showing his joint to Lucas.

“If you really don’t like to share, I can give this to you, but you could smoke at my house, we could eat something too…”

Lucas should think about Milan being a stranger and how being alone with him is not the smartest idea, but he accepts it without even second-guessing.

-

Maybe it wasn’t the best idea to smoke. Lucas has never been so high. Milan’s couch feels like it’s filled with water, every little movement creates a wave in his body and all the way to Milan, sitting right next to him.

Lucas is not that bad of a person and he shared the joint, but Milan doesn’t seem as affected as him.

“Stay here, I’m gonna make something for us to eat.” Milan’s hand rests on his thigh as he talks and gets up. When he stops touching Lucas, the skin is still tingling where his hand rested. Lucas puts his hand on his thigh and holds it a little tighter, hoping that it would make him feel Milan’s touch again.

From the couch he can see the kitchen, it’s a very small apartment with some furniture, but it’s the minimum. It feels cozy and intimate and Lucas could easily live here.

Milan looks at him every once in a while and whenever that happens, they exchange smiles and private laughter. Lucas doesn’t know why they’re laughing, but it feels good, it calms his pounding heart a little.  

He gets up slowly, steadying himself on his feet before starting to slowly walk to the kitchen door, offering the joint for Milan to finish.

“I���m way too high.” He explains when Milan stops making sandwiches to look at the joint and to Lucas. Milan bends down a little and opens his mouth and Lucas feels his brain expanding a million times, almost exploding as he places the joint in between the pouty lips.

He swallows hard when he notices that his mouth was open, almost drooling while he was giving the joint back. Milan doesn’t seem to mind, raising his eyebrows as he goes back to giving the finishing touches to their sandwiches.

It looks delicious, but Lucas is sure even a shoe box would look delicious right now. He’s starving. He lost track of time a long time ago, but he’s sure they spent a whole lot of time, maybe hours just smoking on the couch, talking a little and enjoying the long silences, pretending like they weren’t looking at each other every few seconds.

Lucas stays at the door, watching Milan cook. He probably looks so gone, but he doesn’t mind. If Milan notices it’ll make his life so much easier.

Maybe it’s the weed, but Lucas wants to kiss him for hours and tell him all his secrets, Milan doesn’t seem to be the judgy type.

“You like cheese?”

Lucas frows, taking a second to answer.

“You’re really asking me if I like cheese? Who doesn’t like cheese?” Milan smiles as he can with the joint still in his mouth. He nods his head while putting the slices of bread on top of the four sandwiches he made.

“People who are lactose intolerant, probably.”

“Fuck you!” Milan seem to have an answer to that at the tip of his tongue, but he doesn’t say it, just dabs the joint inside the sink and leaves it there, the tip of his tongue just wets his lips quietly and he offers Lucas the plate with their lunch.

“I’m just gonna get us some beer.”

Lucas holds the plate and turns on his feet to go back to the couch. As soon as he sits, Milan shows up at the kitchen door, showing him four cans of beer, but he puts it on the coffee table as someone knocks on the door.

He looks just as surprised as Lucas, Milan opens his mouth one and two times.

“Shit, I forgot about them. It’s just some friends, you can stay.” He explains as he walks back to the door, still looking at Lucas.

“I thought you didn’t have friends.” Lucas teases and Milan just raises his eyebrows and rolls his eyes and Lucas understands the gesture like whoever is at the door isn’t really Milan’s “friends”.

He takes a deep breath before opening the door.

“I think I lost my keys…” The brunette girl says and another girl and a guy pass by her and Milan to get inside. They’re blocking most of Lucas’ view, but Lucas sees perfectly when the girl kisses Milan, putting both hands in his neck and giving him a quick kiss on the lips. Lucas feels his empty stomach sinking as the other two walk back to the living room side by side.

[zankivich]

Neighbors: Shawn x Plus Size Reader Chapter 9

a/n: hi. this one hits a little close to home to me, but I thought it was really important to explore the ways in which our perceptions of ourselves get largely created by the people around us, by the culture around us. I also just wanted to look at how being fat and happy is such a radical notion and how it is a difficult, difficult thing to manage. I really wanted to do that justice. I also just wanted to bring Shawn and y/n closer together and I thought, what better way than a messy ass family? idk. Tell me what you think. or don’t. k bye. 

*y/n pov*

You were stupid. Honestly you had to be fucking dumb. What other reason could there be for taking Shawn to the most ridiculous family in all of the world? Your sweet, sweet boyfriend was about to be tainted and it would be all your fault for taking him into the lion’s den. The need to not be miserable for another Christmas had clouded your better judgement, and it wasn’t until you saw all of your brother’s cars parked around your mother’s tiny house that you remembered why you were always miserable. It was because your family was a shit show.

“This was stupid. We shouldn’t be here.” You mumbled.

“What?”

You looked over at Shawn, all curly haired doe-eyed optimism and the sweetest smile you’d ever seen. And suddenly you could feel the distance between the two of you. It wasn’t just the fact that he was a rockstar and you were a regular ole person. It was that he seemed to have a certain level of purity that surrounded his life. Sure, no one was perfect, but Shawn was as close as you’d ever seen. You couldn’t handle the thought of him finally recognizing just how opposites you were in that regard. You didn’t want him to see the ugly, only the good. That’s probably why people wait longer to introduce their significant others to the family. Shit.

“I wanna go home. Let’s just go home, and I’ll call them and say we had car trouble. Please?”

He turned in his seat and reached for your hand threading your fingers through the gloves you each were wearing.

“Hey. This is your family. I--I was really looking forward to meeting them. What’s wrong?”

You shook your head vigorously. “My family isn’t like your family, Shawn. Please, let’s just go.”

“No. I don’t want your family to be like mine. I just wanna understand who you are better. I wanna learn more about you, honey. That’s all.”

“Yea but what if you don’t like what you see?”

He tugged at one of your gloves bringing your bare fingers to his lips to kiss at them. You looked over and his eyes met yours leaving you to realize that he had tricked you into eye contact. Asshole.

“I can’t imagine not loving all of the parts of you. Even the not so great ones. I love the way your hair clogs the drain for example, and your incessant need to organize the spice rack in my apartment. Or your incessant need to make me purchase a spice rack to begin with.”

You pouted at him immediately. “You have to have a spice rack Shawn. It’s a necessity. And I do not clog the drain.”

“Oh but babe you do. Like a werewolf took a bath. But I find it absolutely adorable. It made me learn how to use drain-o.” He smirked. “I don’t care if your family is crazy. I just want to meet them, okay?”

You rolled your eyes the way that he deserved because he was so annoying when he was sweet, but he just kept kissing your fingers like the jackass he was.

“Fine. fine, fine, fine. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.” You groaned.

Shawn pulled the presents you’d gotten out of the backseat and you headed inside together against your better judgement.

It’s one of your older brothers who answered the door and he’s already got a beer in hand despite the fact that it’s not even three o’clock yet, so this should definitely go well.

“Lil sis!” He snorted immediately pulling you into a headlock the bastard.

“Goddammit Rob let me go!”

He doesn’t and you’re transported back to being twelve years old and barely surviving with all the fucking testerone around. It takes a knee to the balls to get him to back off, or fall to the ground, but your family doesn’t play fair and he’d never learned to guard. You remembered when ‘Liyah had opened the door and Shawn and she had just hugged for five minutes straight. Your point was getting more proven by the second.

“Shawn this is one of my older brothers, Rob; Rob this is Shawn.”You panted, stepping over his crippled body.

Shawn winced. “Do you--would you like some help bro?”

“Don’t you dare.” You muttered pulling him deeper into the house. “We show no mercy.”

The rest of her brothers are littered around the living room. There are wives and kids and you’re anxious just looking at it all. You were the only one of the kids to not have gotten married and have children yet. And as if the physical presence of them all wasn’t clear enough, you would surely be reminded at some point in the evening. Once your brothers recognize that you’ve arrived it’s like a swarm descends and you’re suddenly being grabbed and hugged and hit from all angles.  They’re all massive and annoying and you being the baby means that they kind of all adore you, though years of emotional trauma means you all have a funny fucking way of showing it.There’s no place like home.

“Shawn these are the rest of my brothers. John is the oldest. Rob is the second oldest. Noah is the middle. And then there’s me, but you know me. Guys, this is Shawn, my boyfriend. Do not break him. I like him.”

Shawn is optimistic and smiley as ever as he reached to shake the hands of all your brothers. It is sickeningly sweet, and you love him for it.

“It’s about time she brought someone home to meet the family!” John snorted. “We were starting to think she was avoiding us.”

“I was and I am!” You interject.

Shawn chuckled. “Family is super important to me. I think she’s indulging me. I’ve heard so much about you all though; She must really love you.”

You know that he’s talking about all the times he got you wine drunk and asked you personal questions, also known as Shawn’s favorite pastime. But, tomato potato.

“She’s got a hell of a way of showing it.” Rob smirked, rolling his eyes when you flipped him off. “Lil sis, got her fancy college degree and moved as soon as possible. We’re surprised she stayed in Canada at all.”

Shawn gave you a look, but this is exactly what you knew was going to happen, so you purposely don’t make eye contact with him.

John looked Shawn up and down crossing his arms at the sight of your boyfriend. They’re about the same height, but John is more burley as opposed to Shawn’s chiseled form. You would hate to ever see them wrestle, there’s no way in hell it could end well.

“And now that she’s got a big fancy boyfriend, we figure we won’t be seeing much of her at all.”

That’s the first inkling you get that they’re not a fan of Shawn, which was something that truly had never occured to you. Shawn seemed to be like a magnet, sticking and pulling in all that came in contact with him. Everyone loved Shawn. That had been the one thing you hadn’t felt the need to worry about. Boy, were you wrong.

“I don’t know man. Like I said, family is so important to me. I’m sure we’d love to visit more if given the chance, but uh she’s her own woman. I wouldn’t want to ask her to do something she didn’t want to.”

“I bet you wouldn’t, pretty boy.”

You take that as officially your time to intervene. Your boyfriend was very pretty, but you got the sense that the way John was saying it was not meant to be a compliment. Being the baby, and the only girl of the bunch, meant that you had to know how to assert your dominance in the family. It was the only way not to get run over and stepped on. You were the most vindictive bastard out of all of them for that exact reason, so when you moved to shoulder check your oldest brother and send a glare his way, there was an immediate understanding to back the fuck off.

“Nice to see you all are still complete and utter assholes at heart. C’mon, babe I’m sure my mom is around here somewhere.”

You tug Shawn along with you and he sends a nervous glance in your direction. You wonder if he’s finally regretting coming to this hell hole.

“Did I do something wrong?” He whispered to you.

You sighed and wrapped your arms around his waist.

“Of course not. My brothers are just exerting their toxic masculinity. I haven’t brought a guy home in a very long time. They want to scare you to see if you’ll break. Don’t let it get to you.”

“Okay. I feel like I’m back in highschool but...mothers are my strong suit. I’ve never met a mother that didn’t like me.”

You snorted. “I’m not sure if your optimism is endearing or exhausting at this point.”

In the kitchen your mother was sitting at the table by herself peeling potatoes. It was a family tradition that no one was allowed inside the kitchen on big holidays when she was cooking. Not your brothers, their wives, not even her grandchildren.The only exception to the rule had been you. It’s where you learned everything you knew about cooking and baking, was afternoons after school spent beside her, when your head still met her hip, and she’d let you stand on a chair to see everything going on. When she peers up to look at you there’s a smile on her face in a very muted way. It’s more of a persing of her lips, but you know what it means and that’s all that matters. You leave Shawn’s side for just barely a second and step up to wrap your arms around her gently in a hug. You’d gotten your hair color from her, as well as your hips, chest, and fuck-off attitude. Your mother and you were very much alike in most ways. This only turned out horribly most times, but in times like this at least, you were okay.

“Hi, Mommy.” You murmured squeezing her tightly.

“It’s about time you come visit me. Your brothers are driving me up a fuckin wall, everyone of em.”

“I say you give them up for a adoption, sell the presents, and we go to Vegas.” You joked.

“Girl, don’t tempt me.”

When you look up at Shawn he’s standing against the door way with his arms crossed and a smile on his lips so big you kind of want to kiss it off of him. You hold your hand out for him to join you both at the table and he immediately links your fingers together to give them a firm squeeze.

“Mom, I wanted to introduce you to someone.” You explained biting back the smile that tended to burst from within you when it came to Shawn. “This is uh--this is my boyfriend, Shawn. Shawn, this is my mother.”

Your mom peers up at him inquisitively. It’s not a mean stare which is good, it’s just more of a searching one. He shakes her hand and squeezes it firmly between his oversized palms.

“It’s so lovely to meet you ma’am.” He grinned.

She raises her eyebrows. “You’re the popstar my sons showed me on youtube? You’re with my daughter?”

Oh lord.

He laughed. “Yes, I guess I am.”

“I like that one song. The blood song? They play it all the time on the radio.”

“In my blood? Yea! Well thank you ma’am; it’s an honor.”

You rolled your eyes at that. Shawn had gotten nominated for a grammy for that song, but as long as your mother liked it, it was an “honor”.

Your mother snorted. “Don’t call me ma’am, call me Julie.”

“Okay, Julie. Julie it is.” Shawn smiled. “Can we help you with the potatoes at all? I think peeling potatoes is one of the only things I’m good at in the kitchen besides eating.”

Your mother laughs and clutches her metaphorical pearls which is just the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever seen, but she lets him pull up a seat in her kitchen. It is genuinely unheard of in your household, and it takes you a second to move because you’re just watching him make your mom laugh and it’s a little bit incredible. He wore a black button up that day and when he rolled his sleeves up to wash his hands, his arms flexed and you wanted to wrap him up in your arms and nuzzle him to death. It was ridiculous the effect he seemed to have on you, and apparently any woman he came across.

“Babe, did I ever tell you? My mom used to have me and Aaliyah have competitions to see who could peel the longest string of skin off a potato. We were so competitive that now we can both peel it off in one.”

You rolled your eyes playfully and grabbed a potato from the bowl.

“Why is that the least surprising story I’ve ever heard. You guys are so wholesome it’s disgusting.”

“If you wanted to have potato peeling competitions with me baby, all you had to do was ask.” He smirked.

You shoved your hand into his face to try and dispel some of the perfection, but it was useless. In fact you were pretty sure all it did was fluff his curls into a better position. Asshole.

It had never occured to you to peel a potato in one even stream before. Because you were a normal person with things going on and who the hell has time for that. But the second Shawn held the curly strand up in front of your face like a cat bringing its owner a dead mouse, you realized that you could not be upstaged in the kitchen with this manchild you were dating. And thus began the dumbest competition to ever occur in the history of ever.

Shawn was actually really fucking good at peeling potatoes. Somehow the mystery of measuring cups failed him, but potato peeling? That’s where he shined. When your mother insisted that that was all of the potatoes that she needed, you ignored her in favor of getting out the sack of the rest of them from the cabinet.

Shawn chuckled. “Don’t worry Julie, we will take all leftover potatoes home with us.”

“You can take them home to your very cold, very lonely apartment by yourself.” You muttered as he bested you again.

Shawn dropped his peeler in favor for wrapping himself around you, half in your chair and half in his, to press all of his weight into you like the annoying man he was.

“Don’t get mad at me. You are better than me at everything else in this life. Can’t I have potato peeling?”

“No.” You moped.

He snickered. “Can I have a kiss?”

“Uh uh.”

“Not even a little one?”

“Nope.”

“Can I kiss you?”

“Mmm I don’t know.”

“Well I’m not gonna kiss you until you tell me I can, so I’ll just be here until you’re ready.” He murmured.

You rolled your eyes pulling him by the collar of his shirt to press his lips against yours.

“You’re annoying.” You whispered against his mouth.

“Yea, but I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Your mom asked you to make apple pie. It was her favorite of all the things that you made and it was pretty fun for you to make so you didn’t mind it at all. Shawn brought out the wine that you had brought and poured you a big glass with ice cubes the way you liked it. He was helping you make the pie by handing you the spices one by one as opposed to actually helping at all, when your mother decided that things had been going well for too long.

Shawn and you were standing at the counter while you cut up apples and you just happened to take a sip out of your glass.

“I wish you wouldn’t drink like that. Your father hated when women drank.” She sighed.

You snorted. “Yea, Ma, Dad also hated being a dad, so I’m not sure if his expectations are ones we should be trying to meet. Last time I checked he was an alcoholic anyway.”

“Don’t speak about your dad like that. He was a great man. Especially not on Christmas.”

Your knife slowed to a crawl on the cutting board and you could feel Shawn’s eyes on you as your cheeks began to warm up.

“No, Mom, he wasn’t. He was mean and abusive and a drunk. I’m not gonna pretend that he wasn’t and you shouldn’t either. You worked too fucking hard for us all of to glorify that asshole.”

Your mom goes quiet for a little while. That’s never good, so it’s really just a means of biding your time to see what she comes up with. Shawn watches you take a bigger gulp from your glass than normal, but no one is speaking so it’s fine. You’re used to it by now, but it’s Shawn first time at the rodeo. Your mother was your whole entire world because she had managed to create a life for four children off a nine to five desk assistant job with no college degree. She’d worked her ass off for them, but it had come at a price. And that price was years and year of emotional and physical trauma that she had endured through her husband. When it was all set and done that trauma didn’t just evaporate; it became internalized, and then it got regurgitated back onto you and your brothers. So when she opens her mouth it’s not to say anything good at all, and suddenly all of your fears about this day are just spilling out into the room and you’re helpless to stop them.

“So, Shawn… You’re successful. Young. Very handsome.” She murmured. “What exactly are you doing with my daughter?”

You were facing the counter, but Shawn had leaned against it the opposite way so that he was facing your mother. This meant that you caught a glimpse of his face going into shock without having to see your mother’s reaction to it.

“W--What...I’m not sure I understand what you mean, ma’am.”

If you could have spoken in that moment you would’ve told him that allowing your mother to expand and clarify her statements was never a wise idea.

“You know what I mean, son. My daughter isn’t exactly a supermodel. We l/n women have not gotten through life on the basis of our looks, that’s for sure. All that wine and potatoes certainly isn’t helping things.”

Holy fuck. If global warming could have sped up in that moment just enough for a crater to form in the earth beneath your kitchen and swallow you whole you’d be good with that.

“I happen to love your daughter ma’am. She’s an incredible, intelligent woman, and her body is just one on a very long list of things that I adore about her. You really shouldn’t say things like that.”

The knife isn’t even moving anymore. As many times as you’d heard it and everything like it, you could never grow used to the way your mom could speak sometimes. And as much as you’d learned about your body and the beauty it entailed, something about coming home always brought up the ugliest of thoughts that you were sure you’d gotten rid of. The new thing here was having Shawn defend you. Your brothers, though sympathetic had never jumped to your defense before. His willingness to go against her when he had been so concerned with making a good impression was kind of baffling. You weren’t used to it, or how good it could make you feel. There were so many different emotions running through you in that moment that they felt difficult to contain within you.

“What?! What I’d say? Oh y/n you’re always so sensitive and now you’ve got this poor young man doing the same.” Julie muttered.

You chuckled humorlessly. “Sure thing, Mom. My bad.”

“I wasn’t saying anything bad. I was just pointing out the obvious, dear. I was interested in what had brought the two of you together is all.”

“Then maybe next time you could just ask that as  opposed to asking the guy I’m dating what the hell he could possibly see in me.” You snapped letting the knife clang loudly on the counter. “Jesus Christ, I’m going for a walk.”

It’s cold as shit outside and the snow is up to your ankles, but somehow it feels less cold then being in the kitchen with your mother for another second. You breathed in and out a couple of times to calm yourself down. When you were younger and your mom would say shit like that it would cause a sort of thought spiral to begin in your head. It would be all that you thought about and all that you could focus on. The good news was that it didn’t consume you in quite that way anymore. But, it did hurt and it did affect you whether you wanted it to or not.

Shawn found you on the porch sitting on the bench that was sat outside and letting the snow sink into your pants. He was wearing that hideous yellow flannel jacket of his that made him happy, and he simply plopped down beside you so that your shoulders touched. You were still focusing on breathing at that point in time because you really didn’t want to cry in front of him. It felt like an admittance of some sort if you did, although to what you weren’t sure.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart.” He mumbled  as you leaned your head against his shoulder. “I--I didn’t know.”

It was cold enough that the wind was biting at your cheeks and your eyes were watering without ever asking you if it was fucking okay to do such a thing.

“It’s fine.” You whispered. “Everything’s fine.”

He lifted his arm up to let you nestle closer to him and pulled you against him to press a kiss to your hair.

“It doesn’t have to be. It’s okay for it not to be fine. You taught me that.”

You sniffled. “I don’t have the time to fall apart right now.”

“Do you wanna go?”

“It’s too late. I can’t let her see that it got to me anymore than I already have. Leaving would only fuel her.”

“Okay...Well I have this very absorbent, beautiful jacket here that I know you know love so much. And I’ve heard that anything that happens to this coat stays in this coat. So, I think if you were to hide your face against it, it might be our little secret.”

You roll your eyes and laugh a little as a tear falls down your cheek. But when he’s offering you solace your helpless but to take it, so you tucked your face into the safe confines of his coat and let the tears seep angrily into the fabric. He rubbed soothingly at your arms and kept his face hidden in your hair. It was also as if he was protecting you from the world. That’s how it felt anyway. And you thought that if you’d been able to provide a fraction of the comfort that you got when he held you, than maybe you’d actually given him something good as well.

When you pull your face back ten minutes later the air hits aggressively at your cheeks but he’s immediately there to kiss and wipe away the tears.

“I think you’re really beautiful when you cry.” He smiled. “Not that I want you to do it unless you need to. You’re just beautiful to me.”

“Thank you.” You sighed still sniffling. “I told you we were a shit show.”

“That’s okay. No family is perfect y/n, not even mine. There’s still no place I’d rather be than here with you right now.”

You feel that pressure in your nose that happens when you cry. It’s like a clogging of your sinuses but instead of it being through illness, it’s just through sadness. Your shoulders are tense and your body is on guard the way it usually had to be. Something about having Shawn with you made you want it to be different. You had invited him after all because you knew you could be happy with him beside you. There was a need to take control of the narrative that so far your family had been running. And you thought that maybe you could make it better for the two of you.

“Do you wanna get high right now?”

His eyes widened and you couldn’t help but laugh a little into his neck.

“I’m sorry?”

“Noah? My brother? He’s a total pothead. We’re the closest in age though so he always shares with me. I need to mellow out before I go back in there.”

“You didn’t tell me you smoke.”

You laughed. “Neither did you. You just told the entire world instead.”

That’s how you end up hotboxing your garage with your brother and your boyfriend. You’d never seen Shawn put a blunt between his lips, but it might just be the hottest thing you’d ever seen in your life. Weed tended to make you horny, so it’s genuinely a matter of not jumping his bones on the hood of your mom’s ‘98 Honda. Noah had always had ridiculously strong weed too so within twenty minutes you’re all leaning against any hard surface you can find having a conversation about the ethics of mass female consumption in the music industry.

“It doesn’t bother you that like your body is essentially for sale?” Noah asked as he took another hit and passed it to you.

Shawn was answering but your brain had only caught the “your body” part and was working on undressing Shawn mentally right then and there.

“I don’t think so. I mean...I think my fans think I’m cute or whatever, but like the vast majority are here for the music. If my music sucked they could find someone just as good looking if not more and move on to the next guy. I know it’s about the music because they tell me about it constantly. It's always been about that for us.”

“Okay but like is it ethical to sell your body for fame, I guess is the question. And then like it is ethical to request hundreds of hundreds of dollars from what are essentially children?”

Shawn sort of squinted as he took the blunt from you and nestled it between his lips. Jesus, his lips. His hands. Hmmmmm.

“I gotta be honest dude, you’re kind of blowing my high.” He chuckled.

You snorted wrapping your arms around your boyfriend and sending your brother an accusatory look.

“Noah likes to get philosophical when he’s high. Let him get baked before we go bake please.”

Noah rolled his eyes. “Fine. Mom’s gonna be pissed when you come into the kitchen smelling like weed though.”

“Exactly.” You grinned.

Eventually Noah went inside to check on his wife and it was just the two of you. Shawn’s eyes were red and his cheeks were the same sort of hue and he was sending you this lazy smile that you wanted to lick off. It was really sort of ridiculous, what he did to you. And you wished more than anything that you’d gotten high together months ago because it probably would have solved all of their problems, if how good he looked right now was anything to go by.

“You’re kind of hot when you’re high.” You murmured stepping between his legs. “Why haven’t you told me about this again?”

His hands came to settle on your hips before immediately finding purchase on your ass the way that you liked. He pulled you closer between his thighs so that your hips touched.

“I don’t know. It’s a uh a sort of self-care thing for me I think? I don't do it just to get high, I do it because when I’m very anxious it calms me down. I like the way it makes me feel. I didn’t want you to think it’s all that I do though.”

You wrapped your arms around his neck and smiled goofily at your incredibly endearing and constantly overthinking boyfriend.

“Did I ever tell you about the time Stu, Bryan, and I went to Coachella?”

He pressed your foreheads together as if every part of your bodies needed to be touching, and in that moment they kind of did.

“No, but I’d love to hear it.”

“Basically I had student loan money out the ass that I definitely shouldn’t use. Stu and Bryan were like highschool sweethearts or some shit, and since they didn’t go to the same school Bryan surprised Stu with tickets to Coachella. We all go. Bryan sneaks us into some boogie ass tent that I’m positive we weren’t supposed to be at, but they had drugs set out like it was a fucking candy bar. So, we smoke enough weed to put Snoop Dog into a coma, I think Bryan and Stu did like cocaine or E or some shit, and then we all went and watched The fucking Wu Tang Clan perform in the middle of a mosh pit. I think I almost died that weekend.”

He laughs a laugh that you’ve never heard come out of his body before. Shawn usually had a laugh that was quiet, it was always a sort of silent chuckle. Whatever the hell was being produced in front of you was nothing of the sort. His whole body shook and the laugh seemed to stem from his belly and explode outwards. It was the cutest shit you’d ever seen in your life, and you’d happily smoke him out all of the time if it meant getting him to laugh like that.

“Holy shit, I can just imagine you doing that too.” He laughed. “I’ve always wanted to go to Coachella.”

“Yea? We can go next summer. You, me, Bryan and Stu, maybe your friends can come too. We’ll get high as possible. It’ll be fun.”

He hummed softly and snuggled deeper into your arms.

“I think Andrew would hate that idea...Let’s do it.”

***

*Shawn’s pov*

Christmas with Y/n’s family is more of a shit show than he could have ever imagined. But it also served as the most informative experience to understanding who she was as a person. To see her be this confident, take-the-world-by-the-balls woman now knowing the context of where she came from made him fall in love with her all over again. He understood her necessity to do everything on her own, with the role model of a mother who hadn’t had a choice, and a relationship with her family that hadn’t really felt supportive. It was clear that she was the baby and that they had wanted her to follow in the pattern of everyone else, to get married like her mom had, and maybe have some kids. It was also obvious that they didn’t understand the success that she’d achieved in her life thus far, couldn't wrap their minds around her having her own assistant instead of being one. And yet at the heart of it all every single one of her family members absolutely adored her. It felt incredibly disorientating and conflicting just watching it, and so he he couldn’t imagine what it would be like to live it.

It isn’t until later when the pie is baking and the ham is still in the oven that she takes him to her childhood bedroom. There’s not much to explore because her mom had gotten rid of her stuff when she went off to school. So, they just lie on her twin size mattress with her head on his chest as she opens up to him again.

“My dad left for the final time on Christmas.” She murmured. “He’d always disappear for weeks or months at a time on benders or whatever, but when I was seven he left for good. I was so young that I-I didn’t understand you know? That he was sick and dealing with addiction. I thought...I thought it was my fault.”

He reaches to tangle his fingers in her hair and kisses soothingly at her forehead.

“Holidays are hard. I’ve just never really worked through that feeling I don’t think. And I try not to feel that way. So that’s why I don't come home very often and that’s why,” She pauses to smile and squeeze him. “That’s why it meant so much to have you here...Thanks.”

“Anytime.” He promised kissing her forehead. “I’m sorry if I forced you to stay when you didn’t want to. You should always have a choice and I feel like I took that from you.”

“No. Don’t apologize. Now when I think back on this room I’ll remember this moment, and not all the fucked up shit that happened here. That alone is worth it.”

It doesn’t really make him feel less guilty. There’s so much history there for her and so much of it seems to be bad. He had forgotten that just because home for him had always been this incredible, special place that not everyone got to have that. And it wasn’t fair of him to assume that of her, that maybe even making that assumption had hurt her more in the end. All he knew was that he wanted to make it up to her, because she was so good to him that even if he had done something wrong she’d never admit it, but he was high as a kite with so few good ideas in his head.

“You think maybe I could give you some more good memories here?”

“Like what?”

He moved to press his lips to her ear, all the more better to whisper his plans to her like the delicate secret it was.

“Like if I ate you out so good the only thing you can remember about this place is the time you had to try not to shout my name.”

Sometimes she looked at him with wide eyes when he would say things like that. His girlfriend was an absolute vixen, but it always seemed to surprise her that he could do the same. He was definitely the softer, more reserved one of the two, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t be open with just had badly he wanted her always. But then she would grin at him a lot like how she was now, and it always led to good things. Very. Good. Things.

“You’re high right now.” She mumbled as he climbed his way on top of her body.

He was already working on the button to her jeans but sent a lazy smile up to her from above.

“Absolutely. Now be a good girl and open wide for me.”

***

He watched her hug her family as this sort of bittersweet moment. Her brothers all rallied around her, sweeping her up in their arms. It was love, and love was complicated and messy and deeply impacted by the circumstances one occupied. But, it was their love, and if there was anything he’d learned from their time there was that love could be good and bad simultaneously. When he shook the hands of all of her brothers for a final time, he got the sense that much wouldn’t change. She would always love every single one of them, but if she had her way, and she would have her way, they wouldn’t be visiting here again soon. And if it meant that she would be happy; he was absolutely okay with that.

In the car they sit for a moment in silence, nothing but the sound of the heater filling the space. She looks a little overwhelmed, a little tired, but she’s also smiling. So he figures it’s as good a time as any to do what he’d been planning.

“Hey can I...can I give you one of your presents right now?” He murmured.

She’d been lying her head against the headrest but now she fluttered her lashes at him in interest.

“Sure. I thought you wanted to wait until we got to your parents’ house though?”

“Yea. No, I did, but uh...I wanted to give you this one in private.”

She grinned. “Is it a sex thing?”

He snorted and pressed a hand against his heart in mock disturbance

“Jesus, y/n, no it’s not! I’m trying to be sentimental here and you’re ruining it.”

She pressed her lips together to try to mask her smile and it only made her even more adorable.

“Sorry. Sorry. My bad. Please continue.”

He rolled his eyes playfully but reached over her to grab the box from the glove department. It was a smooth satin box, long and rectangular. He turned so that their bodies were close to one another and rested the box on his thigh as he took her hands in his.

“I just...this year has been the most incredible year of my life. Not in a gloaty way but my music has never been better--there’s the grammys and we sold out the Rogers centre and all of the festivals, and I’ve just been working as hard as can ya know? It’s been incredible and yet...you’re my favorite part of this year.”

A snort came past her lips like she couldn’t believe that and so he squeezed down harder on her fingers.

“No, listen. This has been the most incredible year of my life, but it’s also been the hardest. And I haven’t really been able to deal with it all very well. I’ve just sort of kept pushing and kept working but you . . . you’ve become my best friend. And you make me appreciate it all. And honestly every time i flew home this year I couldn't sit still on the plane because I knew as soon as I landed I might get to see you. I know we haven’t been friends super long, and we’ve dated even less than that but I can’t imagine my life without you, sweetheart. I--I love you so much and I just want to make you happy, okay? Always.”

“Shawn.” She mumbled letting her hands fall to where their fingers were intertwined on her lap.

He reached for the box and settled it on her knee instead, flipping the lid to reveal its contents. They were two necklaces, sterling silver, and each of them were tiny swallows. He’d thought about it a thousand times, had almost returned them and gotten something else dozens, but when she gasped and her hands came to cover his mouth, he thought just maybe he might have gotten it right.

His fingers trembled slightly as he lifted one of the tiny birds into his palm.

“I thought it might be pretentious and annoying and stupid.” He sighed softly. “But, I know how much you like the pennant my grandmother gave me, and I know that my swallow is your favorite tattoo. And I know that...next year is gonna be so crazy for me, and for us, so I thought if we both had these that you would know I’ll always come back to you. We’ll uh--we’ll always come back to each other.”

Seconds feel like minutes, like hours, when you’re trying to do something nice for the person you love. It’s either an incredible gift, or the dumbest thing ever, and he genuinely couldn’t tell which. They’re sitting in the middle of a snowy driveway in the middle of a nowhere town in Ontario, and he’s professing his love for her with a gift, and she’s absolutely silent. And then she begins to cry and his heart is pounding in his chest and he doesn’t know what the hell he’s supposed to do.

“Did I--Did I fuck it up? Shit, shit it’s dumb. Look, I’m so sorry. I can fix it though. I can send it back and I can get you something else, just don’t--don’t cry!  Please, baby don’t cry!”

She brings her hands up to cover her face and he wonders if a man has ever been dumped in his own vehicle before. Surely, that would be a new one.

“UGH!” She groans something that sounds vaguely flemmy. “That is the sweetest thing in the whole entire world. I cannot believe you right now.”

He collapsed against the car seat, his hand coming up to press against his heart and make sure it hadn’t exploded. His girlfriend was slightly dramatically and he was all here for it when it wasn’t giving him a heart attack.

“You don’t hate it?” He checked.

Her eyes were still covered but now her lips were trembling and tears were oozing down her cheeks.

“No I don’t hate it, dammit. That’s so fucking sweet. My heart, Shawn, my heart!”

When he went to pull her hands away from her face, she was genuinely a sight to behold. Her eyes were red and puffy, her cheeks tear stained, and her lips had somehow become more red. Maybe it was a bit sadistic, but she was beautiful. And so he kissed her, the saltiness of her tears touching his lips. She wrapped her arms around his neck, his slipping around her back in the tiny space of his jeep. Though there had been nothing but absolute fear and terror just moments before, now his heart was full, warm. She had that effect on him. He figured it meant he was just as gone on her as he thought himself to be.

“Will you put it on for me?” She whispered sniffling.

He fumbled embarrassingly with the clasp, his fingers not built for tiny metal pieces, but eventually managed to secure it around her neck. When the swallow nestle along her throat, she pressed her fingers against the smooth metal and smiled at him lovingly.

“It’s beautiful. Thank you, Shawn.”

He shook his head pressing another kiss to her cheek.

“Anything for you.” He mumbled. “Anything.”

She insisted on putting his around his neck as well. There’s an extremely cheesy moment where he presses his fingers against the bird along her throat and she does the same for him, but it doesn’t feel cheesy in the slightest. It feels important. It feels like maybe they’re deeper into their relationship than even either of them could have guessed.

When they arrived at his parent’s place again for Christmas day, his Mum notices their necklaces almost immediately. She doesn’t ask any questions, she just looks at him like she knows something that he doesn’t. It’s a smile of a mother who knows her child better than they know themselves. And he wonders if she knows that he loves her more than anything else in the world, because that’s what it feels like for him in the moment. But he just hugs her and lets her kiss his forehead instead.

Taglist: @kitykatnumber @lou-and-me @ourlittleshawnie @mutuallynotmutual @wanderingmendes @peacedolantwins2 @chels-nyc @illloveyouforever1 @justbeingoceana  @hayyitsfayy @claredolphinbear24  @september-lace @grittyisathot

[themanwhowouldbefruit]

damn my gyno put in my case notes that i appear 9 months pregnant 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 girl help i thought i was only a 6 at most 😭😭😭😭

[mellz117]

Hello all and welcome to part 4 of my playthrough of KH2 on the PS2. If you haven't seen the previous entries please go do that.

[ _1_ ] [ _2_ ] [ _3_ ]

To recap: The Wonders of Twilight Town are boring as hell. We spoke to Namine again, Roxas finally realizes his life this week is a lie and starts to remember his life in the Organization. DiZ is racist against Nobodies but we already knew that. Roxas and Axel fight, I wanted to cry. Roxas meets Sora in his sleeping pod before disappearing, I wanted to cry.

And the adventure continues

I wanna know how Sora wakes up in the real world when Roxas merges with him in the virtual one. How in CoM does Sora go to sleep in Castle Oblivion, the whole-ass chamber and then some get transferred to Twilight Town, Roxas meets him in a virtual version of the mansion, and Sora wakes up in the real mansion in KH2? Nomura please explain this series. Is Final Fantasy ever this convoluted?

Donald and Goofy call out to Sora and we're once again reminded this is a Disney game. I don’t know why but the fact that Disney owns the original Kingdom Hearts characters bothers me. It means, unless DISNEY gives the OK, Sora will never be in Smash Bros. and that makes me sad.

I don't know much about comas but after a year of total inactivity, wouldn't your muscles atrophy like, A BUNCH? At least is wasn’t 7... OR VENTUS WITH A WHOLE DECADE WTF?

Again WHY COULDN'T JIMINY JUST KEEP EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED IN CHAIN OF MEMORIES WRITTEN DOWN IN HIS JOURNAL INSTEAD OF A CRYPTIC MEMO TO THANK NAMINE?

The trinity trio wanders out of the mansion, loot some chests, and find their way to the back alleys of town.

Hayner is rude RIGHT outta the gate, wow. Ok I remember that Pence actually met Roxas in Days, and so to me he seems to recognize Sora through his memories of Roxas despite the two sharing like, one visual similarly: blue eyes. But KH3 to my understanding reveals that the virtual versions of characters affect the real version so I dunno!! WHAT IS THIS SERIES?

"Have you finished the summer homework yet?" Olette asks Sora and his two ANIMAL COMPANIONS as if seeing two anthropomorphic animals is fucking normal in a town comprised entirely of humans and exactly one moogle.

Sora doesn't have any homework. For over a year he's been away from home and his mom couldn't make him go to school. I wonder how she's doing? Does she miss her son? Kingdom Hearts and parents don't gel.

I like how.. When Pence describes this cloaked figure who was looking for the trinity trio, as having big, round ears, they have to think about who it could possibly be. They’re not too bright.

Why is “sofa” capitalized? Also they weren't even sitting on it, neither of them were!

HAYNER IS A RUDE BOY! He tells us so ask Seifer about the town, as we are new. Bruh, if you’re this rude to us I’m sure how much worse Seifer and his posse are.

Seifer is immediately confrontational. “You here to pick a fight with us?” and Sora’s all like “No, we’re new here.” and DONALD FUCKING DUCK! INSULTS SEIFER AND NOW EVERYONE’S READY TO THROW DOWN! THANKS TO THIS DUMB FUCK DUCK!

But thank Christ big chungus appears out of nowhere and stops the children and two adult furries from causing a scene.

This dude is WAY too into the Struggle tournament. Seifer has an unwanted faaaaan! Bro, go away, you’re creeping on a teenager.

I wanna fight Seifer.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

I'm not working on this like I should be. I'm going on vacation soon and since we're all in quarantine I can't really do anything fun so this is the opportune time to catch up.

Moving on! We make our way to the train station and oh no, we're ambushed by Dusks! Because of COURSE we are. Who could've seen THAT coming? /s

I- I like how, even after hearing his voice, and seeing his fucking mousey silhouette, the gang STILL might not be sure this is their stupid rat king. One brain cell between the three of them, I swear, and Goofy is the primary carrier, and it only sometimes works.

Why do we need to purchase tickets to travel on a magical train embarking to an ethereal plane of existence? I guess it's the principal of it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I HAVE A MIGHTY NEED TO HUG THIS BOY. LOOK, HE'S CRYING!

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Pence is so cute. I didn't care much for him when I was younger but he's such a cutie. 

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I HAVE A MIGHTY NEED TO HUG THIS BOY. LOOK, HE'S SAD!

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It's fat cat Pete. For like ever, I had no idea he was a cat. Wonder what Maleficent saw in him to ally with him.

The trinity trio laughing about killing (or at least taking part in killing) Maleficent. "She's toast!" this sure is early 2000's dialogue...

Heartless everywhere! "You mean the worlds aren't at peace after all" well, no sweetie. It takes time for things to recover from horrible events. *looks at current state of the real world*

So like, I had no idea Yen Sid was a Keyblade warrior??? I had read about that in his Wiki page when I googled if any Keyblade warriors were left handed. (Ven might be, but more likely ambidextrous) But I guess being Mickey's teacher would imply his Keyblade wielder roots but whatever, I didn't pay attention when I was a teenager.

Yen Sid's decor is baffling. What are these bookshelves? What are these BOOKS? They're huge!

Good on Yen Sid for using singular “they” pronouns in 2005.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

On to our change of wardrobe. Without a doubt Sora's best look in the whole series, in my humble opinion. Lookit my handsome boy. 

And Sora learns about drive forms, blah, blah, blah, powerful forms, gotta sacrifice something like in Duel Monsters, in this case an ally.

Yen Sid is so boring.

All seriousness and tension is just broken as soon as Goofy’s name is uttered, at least Sora and Donald have normal names wtf.

It’s interesting how like, 15 years later, Union X explains how Maleficent was able to return after her defeat. Something about, as long as someone from your original time remembers you and you have a physical object to represent you you’re able to basically some back from the dead. Right? Am I right on that? I haven’t played it but I’m hanging by a thread on this loop.

Sora’s hard work down the drain...

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Hollow Bastion! And of course there’s trouble. Heartless, Nobodies, and Yuffie, oh my!

A problem sequels have to work around is when the protagonist needs to relearn their abilities. KH does a well and good job with this one. In CoM, it’s a different battle style, in KH2 Sora’s been asleep for a hear prior.

Also, Merlin “leant” Sora some magic spells? How does that work? Like, once you learn it you can’t just... give that knowledge back...?

……………………………………………………………………………………………

How old is Leon? He has no right being this pretty.

Another ambush by Nobodies. Give it a rest, would ya? Battle ensues, Leon deals the final blow against an enemy, and as the camera usually does, zooms in on the victor and we get a nice slow-mo crotch shot of Leon. Thanks, game... Then, Xemnas’s very sexy, very manly voice echoes across town and the organization appears before our protagonists. I’m weak.

Demyx’s laugh, dude. I love it. Sora is ready to throw hands with anyone in his way. Honey, you’re barely out of a magic coma and this dude is like, two whole feet taller than you. Not to mention very fit.

I’m done thirsting over Xemnas...

After a few taunting words, the new villains depart, Donald attempts to give chase somehow? Where you gonna go? They disappeared behind dark corridors. It seems Goofy is still holding onto that shared brain cell.

The Bastard

I like the majority of the Organization. Xigbar is definitely one of my favorites based on this next scene alone. He’s so snarky and full of shit. I love it. He’s great. He was definitely a stoner at some point.

I’m confused though. “He used to give me that same exact look!” the Wiki says Xigbar’s talking about Ven but I always thought he was referring to Roxas? Did Braig and Ven have a history? That’s implied in Days (which released before BbS) IDK dude. I’m surprised I’ve gone this long without spoiling myself too much on BbS. Like, a few story beats here and there but a lot of it isn’t gonna be known until I play it.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

The dialogue for KH2 was so different from the first game. It dates itself so much in comparison.

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Xiggy stands like this for 7 whole seconds parting with a condescending “Be a good boy now!” before disappearing. I love this fucker.

Leon, who’s been sitting on the sidelines this whole time, joins Sora and the others after the real threat is gone. We chitchat for a little bit and say our goodbyes. It’s time to leave this place and move on to one of two available worlds.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

At the Beast's Castle. After fighting a hoard of Shadows, the least intimidating enemy in the series (although the demon tower in kh3 is quite frightening nlg), the Beast himself makes his appearance, takes out the Heartless that suddenly stop multiplying upon his arrival, disgracefully shoves his supposed friends aside, and takes his precious rose to the west wing, which is where it SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN THE FIRST PLACE. ADAM WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

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No joke one of the funniest actual gags in the whole series is:

*Donald Duck manhandling Cogsworth*

Cut to Sora saying "I'm glad you're OK." to Lumiere

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OK the minigame where you gotta light the magic torches, why do we have to make sure Cogsworth  has enough strength to keep the lever down when we have two perfectly capable companions that can hold it down instead? I remember this sequence being a lot more annoying when I was a teen.

Xaldin's voice makes me feel things. Ahhh he sounds so tired lol. He peaces out and we fight the Beast. I remember getting him to calm down being harder.

"Xaldin used my anger to control me!" Says Beast. He angers very easily so this must have been a cinch. Xaldin's been obsessed with him since Days so I would imagine this intel would come in handy.

More fodder to fight and on to the boss. Phase one is just an angrier version of the Darkball Heartless. Phase two is just skinny Ganon. I like its design though.

“Belle, I’m sorry. I wasn’t myself, being all rude and overall kind of a jackass to you and my servants” Except that’s kinda how you’ve always been lmao. Just because you couldn’t choose not to be an ass here doesn’t change that this IS in character. Still gotta work on that a bit.

“You don’t have to apologize” No, no he still does.

They all reconcile and the Trinity Trio departs until Xaldin shows up again to wreak more havoc.

Time to move on to the next world.

[tessatechaitea]

Black Condor #5

Five issues and five pure cheesecake covers.

Crud-for-brains? I'd wager my life savings that Brian Augustyn was an early Adventures of Pete and Pete fan.

The guys on the cover are just four young dude-bros stealing from drug dealers. They burn the drugs and take the money to give toward good causes. And probably also to buy cool shit for themselves. They're only human! Probably. I haven't read far enough along to know what they're really doing with the cash. Black Condor will find out after he beats the shit out of three of them. Sorry. I've been gone for awhile. You wouldn't have noticed since my long absence fell between writing the previous paragraph and this current one. And unless you ran off to take a desperate shit right at the same moment, the time between these two paragraphs was negligible, minuscule (I decided to use both words because I'm so proud of my ability to spell my native language (I considered misspelling "native" and "language" but decided that was a boring old joke which has carried more water than Capri-sun (that's a new joke and it's not very good because it doesn't make sense. But at least it's new))). But I was caught up in playing a stupid computer video game about dungeon delving dice trapped in a horrific game show. Spoiler: the dice never get to fuck. But I'm back now because this is blog is the only thing that keeps me sane anymore. You might think that because this blog was my link to sanity, I'd be more earnest. You might think I'd want to be grim and serious and discuss political, social, and environmental matters with the gravity and seriousness they deserve. But that's all the stuff that's doing my head in. So I'd rather pretend that I'm angry at comic books. Here's a secret for the few of you reading this who made it to this specific paragraph out of all of my paragraphs: I wish I were friends with Scott Lobdell. I bet he's kind of an asshole but he's the kind who, if he was getting his ass kicked at a bar for being smarmy and pretentious and smug (smug because he's a rich writer whom a lot of thirteen year old boys (and men with thirteen year old boy minds) think wrote some of the seminal X-men stories), he'd completely understand if you didn't step in to defend him. He feels like the kind of guy who knows what he really deserves (a righteous ass beating) and wouldn't think the world unfair should he ever receive it. Then he'd probably buy drinks for the people who beat his ass, and I'd look him in the eye and shrug, and he'd laugh, and we'd continue to not mention that time we jerked each other off when we were fucking wasted on single malt scotch and peyote. Black Condor and Ned decide they need to find the girl with humongous afro before she hurts people who don't deserve it the way the color changing white supremacist Nazi rapists did.

What does he mean by "completely autistic"? In 1992, I'm guessing that meant nonverbal with loads of stimming and maybe the ability to play any piano concerto immediately after hearing it once.

Karin was experimented on by Black Condor's grandfather's Society but she failed to gain the ability to fly. She did, however, gain mental abilities as powerful as his own. He's concerned that, being autistic, she'll hurt people with her mind rage. Please. She almost certainly just wants to be left alone by everybody in society expecting her to think and act in a specific way that she can't think and act, nor would she want to if she had the ability. Just leave autistic people alone, normals! They don't need help. Just because your autistic kid isn't giving you the kind of unconditional love you were looking for when you decided to have a kid that you would eventually love only conditionally based on how they loved you doesn't mean the kid needs to change. That's on you and your needs. Maybe just find a way for the kid to express themselves (or not! Who knows sometimes?!) and let them do and act as they please. Unless what they want to do is fuck the dog. I'm not saying autistic people fuck dogs but I am saying we're all individuals, you know? Use your common sense! And if your kid is fucking the dog, autistic or not, don't let them near the dog! The Merry Men on the cover (oh hey! There were Merry Men in the Sky Pirate issue! Brian Augustyn either loves old tales of daring adventure or LSD) have been robbing drug dealers to help fund a homeless camp run by a priest named Gamble. The priest isn't involved in the theft; he chastises them about their plans to get money illegally. But they assure him the money isn't tainted and he decides to believe them when they dump thousands of dollars on his desk. Doing the right thing is hard when doing the wrong thing will solve all of your money issues. If you're a weak minded jerk, that is! I totally would never sell out for thousands of dollars so hopefully nobody embarrasses themselves by offering me loads of money to write positive comic book reviews for their publications. Father Gamble refuses the money because he just can't be sure it was honestly come by. I would be less suspicious of the money and more suspicious of the white college kids trying to donate thousands of dollars to a homeless camp. What's really going on in this camp?! Why are these young men so interested in keeping it funded so it doesn't get shut down? Four probably rich white boys risking their lives to help the downtrodden? Sorry but this is the most aggressively fantastic comic book I've ever read. And I'm not using the informal definition of "fantastic."

"Which member of this organization could possibly be giving all of this information to these white boys and why am I exposing my plan to kill them before plugging the leak?!"

Maybe that's racist suggesting that the white guy in the gang is giving the information to other white guys. But this comic book has already asked me to believe too many fanciful plot points so I'm glad Augustyn decided the white guy was absolutely the inside man. The white guys name is Herbie and his boss, Mr. Soto, already knows he's the leak. I'm glad Mr. Soto is as smart as I am. Or as racist. Probably smart though! They follow him as he's trying to meet up with the college Merry Men to warn them that they're in danger. Luckily for Herbie, Black Condor happens upon the scene as he's searching for Karin. And even though Black Condor doesn't give a shit about this guy and his problems, he figures even a reluctant hero wouldn't just stand by and watch some jerk get what's coming to them. After Black Condor saves Herbie, he has to take him to the hospital because he was pistol whipped. Meanwhile, the rich white kids aren't warned that they're about to die so they drive off into the trap to steal more money that Father Gamble won't be accepting for his charity.

What a dumb asshole! Even the most ignorant of ignorant jerks knows there were only three musketeers! Unless he's so familiar with the book that he's including d'Artagnan along with Porthos, Mythos, and Harpos.

I never read The Three Musketeers because I was born in the late 20th century and exciting stories to thrill young boys wasn't a popular genre anymore because we had Batman and Green Lantern. Although I did once play the text adventure version of the book. When I did that, I poked fun at the idea that the author of it was writing the game so that people would remember Alexandre Dumas and yet it's the only reason I know anything about him! Although now I know a little bit more about him because I Googled his name to make sure I was spelling it correctly and now I know what a fancy lad he was!

Now I want to listen to an audio version of his book where every few sentences, the person reading it just says, "Oooooooh, my!"

The Musketeers (maybe I was wrong to assume they were more like the Merry Men?!) manage to get away with only one of them shot in the ankle (the others weren't shot at all, if that wasn't clear). They decide the best way to save their own lives is to lead the gun men on a chase through New York back to Father Gamble's homeless camp. They already know he doesn't want any trouble so why are they taking this gunfight back there?! What is Father Gamble's hold over these young men?! Luckily for everybody in the homeless camp, Black Condor is there still searching for Karin. He'll save everybody's lives reluctantly! Unluckily for everybody, Karin is also there and the gunfire and chaos freaks her out so much that she has a mind-storm! That's the thing she had before that killed four of her attempted Nazi rapists. And that's where the comic book ends! Lucky for older me, younger me bought the next issue so I wouldn't be stuck with this cliff hanger! Lucky for younger me, older me doesn't have a time machine so that fucker has gotten away with some pretty abhorrent behavior which I couldn't correct by going back in time and punching him in the nose. Unlucky for him, he's going to be a virgin for a long, long time! Ha ha! Take that! Ow. Older me just hurt older me's feelings. Black Condor #5 Rating: B. A solid rating that I probably wouldn't have given this comic book back when I was twenty-one. I don't think I understood just what this comic book was doing and wound up only remembering it as a comic book about a reluctant hero. I didn't realize how much of it was Black Condor trying to live his now much more complicated life while also continuously doing the right thing. Even when he just wants to hole up in the woods and say "Fuck it!" to everybody and everything, he still shows the heart of a hero when he's needed by people nearby. And he's fucking sexy hot too.

[philester]

my II Experience

Hey, a bunch of you guys have been asking me my experience and honestly I wanted to tell y’all how amazing it was but I was still on the high from the show and friends last night. I’ll put everything about the show under the cute and everything before the show before the cut! It was honestly one of the best nights of my life and it was so great to meet up with a bunch of amazing people! I will never forget this night :’)

Before the Meet & Greet: 

I didn’t take a picture of the thank you note, but I made a little doodle and thank you note of the II team and I gave it to Ryann as she was by the merch table when I arrived

I was lowkey intimidated by her so I made @haleykynz​ @danisonfire​ @gryphll​ @bellesandtea​ come with me ajhsdka (also I fuckin love these guys...v talented people)

Ryann said thanks and smiled really big and then went inside to show the rest of the crew

While we were waiting outside, some people started airdropping random shit kashdlaskjd (see below...its not letting me post it up here)

when I got to the security check I had my lanyard in my backpack and I always carry pepper spray with me so they told me I couldn’t go in with the spray sakdhkajsd so i literally ran back to the car, chucked the spray, and ran back and then i was v sweaty (thankfully the car was less than a 5 min walk)

Marianne (icon) was organizing us inside and went over the general rules of the meet and greet

they dropped the video right before the meet n greet asldjhaksjd i hate them

DnP came out, and we all lost our shit and started hyperventilating and some of the people around our group were like...wtf???

DnP were both wearing black and god was REAL because I just wanted Phil to either be wearing glasses or black and the universe listened to me and had phil wear black

Meet & Greet

OMG ailhdsjlasdjaksdkjhaslkjdhajsdhakjsdhljkasdlkjasdkljalksjdlkajsd

for my letter, I actually had a thicc envelope because not only did I have my actual letter, I printed out the entire script of the Bee Movie and I wish I can see their expressions of whenever they saw my letter ajdhaksld

I filmed for Haley, and I freaked out and almost forgot cause they were so beautiful and I couldn’t stop staring at how good they looked

Haley and I switched places, and Dan gave met he softest look EVER and Phil did this cute ass smile and they were both like hello :’)

I looked at Phil again up close and blacked out 

In the time I blacked out I gave them both a hug (they both smelled good, their voices were so much deeper, I almost cried; Phil was so nice to hug cause he is so skinny and I just wrapped my arms around his torso; Dan was like a bear...he was so soft and while it was his usual side hug it was still so nice)

I deemed myself unworthy of looking at Phil because he was just so beautiful so I remember looking at Dan a bit more but I would black out every time I switched to look at Phil

I had them sign a bro post and I lowkey don’t remember if they said anything about it because I was too busy rehearsing my dumb joke in my head

I asked dnp “if their thighs were sore from all the squatting they’ve been doing at meet and greets” KJLHADLKJASD 

They both chuckled and I almost nut because their voices were so deep and then Phil was like “ah quite a bit” and Dan was like “haha yes this is the most exercise we’ve done in a few weeks” 

we did our poses and I was so close to the THIDDIES

after the meet and greet haley and I literally had to stop to catch our breaths and like just not faint akshjdkajsd

After Meet & Greet and in between show

Our group recollected downstairs and we literally just all were trying to breathe and we shared our experiences with each other

We went out to buy some merch and I saw @philtrovert (hi Amy) and another girl whose name I forgot to ask 

also we met @hey-laura right before the show started! queen!!!

also I met @thesquishtm right at the end after the show !!!

Show under the cut

The Show:

I was sitting in the 3rd row and I was so close I could see them SO CLEARLY and despite my blacking out when I originally saw Phil, I was able to see him during the entire show and he was so hot FUCK

literally felt bad for Alana cause I kept on saying how hot he was every 5 minutes

also Dan does have an ass asjkdhaskd 

Dan did the fuckin naruto run 

one of the truth bombs for what they’ve got hidden from each other was that Dan and Phil have shrines of each other and Dan’s shrine for Phil is just his dead houseplants and Phil’s shrine for him is dan’s head made out of bubble gum

Dan writes shrek x donkey x self insert reader fic from his secret wattpad account

Phil fuckin DABBED because for truth bombs someone was like Phil actually wants to be Part of Team 10 aklsdhlaksjd

also apparently our show was really different compared to the rest of the shows in terms of the survey...a lot of the results they saw they weren’t expecting based on previous shows

There was so much dabbing...why

In the simulation, we chose all the evil ones obviously and Phil ended up being with Satan and a creepy ass picture of Dan popped up and jumpscared me and Dan ended up being dead after going through a Lady door at a furry convention and dying because his tail got caught

Phil was really hot

In Dan’s box the options were hiding snacks from Phil, his houseplant shrine to Phil, and Kidz Bop tickets

Phil was fuckin deaf (poor old man i love him) and he came close to us and tried to hear what we were saying for like 5 minutes when someone said Kidz Bop

also the Kidz Bop on the Scroll was written Kids Bop but the s was crossed out and a Z was written over it ajkhdsakls

they talked a lot about how our actions have consequences and I know they were joking but also like calling the phandom in general out aklsdhasj

Phil was so beautiful and pretty

Our collective name was Linda

Dan was on the wheel and Phil missed all three times but he was close to Dan’s nips like 2/3 times

when phil came out wearing that torturing outfit...GOD HELP ME I FUCK HE LOOKED GOOD

Phil Lester’s nipple kink was THRIVING like nipples were mentioned a total of 6 times throughout the show

everyone started screaming when Dan stripped asdlhjasd

Phil was so cute holy fuck

Dan was cute too I guess I kinda loved him a lot and I wanted to just hold him

They did phantastic facts :’) got bless

Dan literally knew all the Phil questions and he called himself Phil trash #1

the question was “what was Phil’s second music video” and he guessed Toxic which was right

Phil was asked what Dan’s 2nd favorite color was and he literally could have said grey which was a normal answer but he said purple and got it wrong (Dan said it was silver)

the X rated Lester, Phil literally won all the times like UGH HIS MIND!

Dan had to make punching a baby & mayonnaise  sound good rip akldhaskjd

Phil had to make “your sweet old grandma” sound bad and for the other 3 times he literally tied everything back to the sweet grandma actually being evil

THEY SAID MY FUCKIN NAME I DIED AND CRIED AND SHAT MYSELF AT THE SAME TIME I AJSHDKAJSDLKHAJSDKAJS DLKAHSDKJAHSLKDJHASKLDKASD

DAN SAID MY NAME AS AYNOOSH BUT SAID IT SUPER BRITISH AND HE’S VALID FOR IT

MY QUESTION WAS FOR THE DILEMMA AND PHIL HAD TO CHOOSE BETWEEN HIM GETTING ALL OF DAN’S CEREAL BUT IN TURN PHIL HAD TO SHARE HALF HIS STASH OF SWEETS WITH DAN BUT PHIL SAID NO HE WOULDNT I CANT BELIEVE I CAUSED #PHANDIVORCE

THEY SAID MY NAME AND ALL MY FRIENDS SCREAMED WHEN THEY HEARD MY NAME SAKJDHAKSJD

god bless @whatthepeoplewant for recording it I owe you my life literally

Dan would have to give up the Internet but Phil would die and Dan chose to save Phil and everyone was like awwwww 

like bitch he couldn’t live a day without Phil,,,,,

for II worst predictions someone was like Kathryn would come onstage and Dan proposes and LITERALLY EVERYONE DIED BUT YALL KNOW DNP they turned around the words and said that dan would propose to kathryn and then Phil called dan his stepdad so...@ fic writers....

phil looked so fuckin amazing

Phil’s disstrack was funny as hell and Dan used a air gun to shoot out capita£ester bucks in the air ICONIC

When Dan and Phil started singing I was clutching my left boob the entire time and I was teary eyed, especially at the part when they said that they never imagined they would get this far

All in all, it was one of the best nights of my life and I met some amazing people! I wish I could relive it again every day but alas, reality. I’m so happy and the post II depression hasn’t hit yet but I know it will soon and :(. I felt so much love and laughter yesterday, and seeing dnp live was such an amazing experience. I’m sorry if I sounded like I was bragging or something but I’m not I just wrote everything so I have all my memories accurate. Thank you to everyone who sent me an ask or commented on my pictures on instagram! I hope this was a good summary for you guys!

[duhragonball]

Dragon Ball 135

The prelims are still going on, and the fans are upset that they can’t watch.   I find this odd, because they never seemed too worked up about this before.    At the 21st tournament, Bulma used Oolong as a pedastal and watched from the window anyway.   She was the only one who even tried this.   And in the 22nd tournament, no one seemed to care that they showed up for a whole day of  tournament action and only got to watch one match.

To me, it feels like the preliminaries are the real meat of the tournament.    72 fighters battling it out for just eight spots in the quarterfinals?   If you were a King Chappa fan, that would be your only chance to see him in action.

Tournament officials have to get the crowd to make way for injured fighters, and one of them is Chiaotzu!  Holy shit!

It’d be funny if Chiaotzu woke up, looked at Oolong and said “Who are you again?”   They load him up in an ambulance, and Bulma and Launch hop in to ride along. 

But Chiaotzu’s not the only one getting hurt today, because we have no fewer than two supervillains in this event, and they don’t care how much they hurt their opponents.

Hey, is that Yajirobe?  Yes, it is.   He wore a mask to compete today, but it’s pretty clearly him.

Here, we see him win a fight by biting a guy’s ass.  

What is wrong with this guy?    At least buy him dinner first, Yajirobe.

Piccolo just chokes guys until he’s declared the winner.  Pretty sure that should be a disqualification, but what do I know?

As for Yajirobe, he nearly makes it into the quarterfinals, but his final opponent is a guy named Shen, who gets mistaken for a fan who wandered into the room.   Someone tells him his fly is down, and he ends up ducking one of Yajirobe’s punches and knocking him out with his head, seemingly by accident.

So now all the quarterfinal spots have been filled, so it’s time for the elite eight to draw numbers for the main tournament.   The mysterious lady keeps side-eyeing Goku the whole way.   I’m with Krillin, I wish some lady would look at me the way she looks at Goku.    Not so much the yelling, but I could probably learn to live with that.

I’m not sure exactly when I figured out who Shen really was (he’s called “Hero” in the dub, btw).    His facial structure is the main clue, but it’s not terribly obvious, at least not until later.

And here’s the World Tournament Announcer, who’s grown a mustache since his last appearance. 

Yajirobe’s a sore loser, but he figures he saved face by wearing a mask.  

But he makes it clear-- if only to the audience-- that Shen is no mean opponent.  He didn’t beat Yajirobe by sheer luck.

WTA sees Krillin and flips out, because he literally saw him die three years ago.   Krillin assures him that he’s not a ghost.   He simply returned from the dead, nbd.   Apparently this totaly satisfies the announcer’s concerns. 

All right, your card for the 23rd Budokai is as follows:

Cyborg Tao vs. Returning Champion Tien Shinhan!

Son Goku vs. (Name Withheld By Request)!  

Majunior vs. Krillin!

Shen vs. Yamcha!

Injury update!   Bulma says he’s “all right” even though “he suffered injuries all over his body.”   That’s a funny definition of “all right”.   Well, at least he didn’t break any bones.

Crane Hermit shows up to bring down the mood.   He talks smack about the Turtle School, and Roshi explains that his students left his school some time ago, and they only wear the Turtle uniform out of respect.

Krillin tells Crane what for, which is pretty awesome, except for the part where he has to stick up for Master Roshi, who as we all know, belongs in jail.  

Crane informs them that Tao gained even greater strength by becoming a cyborg.   Okay, stop.   Just stop.    Crane, the whole point of becoming a cyborg is that you become unimaginably stronger than you were as a human.   Why would Tao even show up here today if he was somehow weaker than he used to be?   He beat up Chiaotzu.    We all know he means business.   We don’t need you to tell us he’s stronger this time.    You’re like an old lady who points out obvious things in movie theaters.   You absolutely suck, Crane Hermit.   You punched Fanfan, your hat looks dumb, and you just suck.    Go away.

Roshi tells his boys to make him proud.  I just put this image here because I like seeing all of these young men in their orange pajamas and sweatbands.   Also, Yamcha’s rocking the long hair again.   Good for you, Yamcha.

Roshi’s kind of pleased to be able to watch the tournament from the crowd this time around, but it’s a little too crowded for them to see anything, so Bulma makes Launch sneeze...

And Blonde Launch clears a path to ringside with her guns.  You’d think the tournament organizers would have done something about her by now, but oh well.

Goku offers senzu beans to the others, but they already have some, because they’ve been to Korin Tower themselves.   Okay, but if that’s true, why didn’t anyone give senzu beans to Chiaotzu a little while ago?    Or does Chiaotzu have his own?   Why isn’t he eating a senzu bean right now?

While discussing their experiences with Goku, Krillin and Yamcha say they met Yajirobe and invited him to compete in the tournament, but he acted like he wasn’t interested.  

Goku isn’t surprised, but...

Yajirobe did show up, and he lost, so now he’s hiding in the bushes for some reason.    I guess the deal is that Yajirobe really does care about all this stuff, but he’s really sensitive about showing it.

Kind of weird how he’s going to end up babysitting her granddaughter someday...

Before Tien goes to fight Tao, Yamcha grabs his hand.  “Bro.  Use this to hit him with.   Like we practiced.”

“Of course, my friend.    I remember our strategy sessions well.”

Tao talks a lot of smack before the match because he’s a chump.

Launch demands that Tien clobber Tao.    Is she just rooting for him in general, or does she know what Tao did to Chiaotzu?  

Then everything gets letterboxed for some reason.  It’s kind of silly, if you asked me. 

[bluemoonpunch]

A brain dump and a bit of catharsis 😗

Okay, so here's the thing. I'm a fucking idiot, right? Like, I'm so fucking annoying in the sense that I can't just let people be wrong and have wrong thoughts and perceptions about me and what I do. I can't just accept the fact that people that leave stupid ass messages in my inbox are literally trapped in their egos and are literally BLIND to shit. And I can't be satisfied with the people who are MEANT TO UNDERSTAND SHIT actually understanding shit when there are people that are just so fucking lost and gone that I'm convinced they're soulless and are literally organic fucking portals for low-vibe shit because like...? BEFORE I posted that thing about Namjoon and the 444 thing I got a random ass message in my inbox that just said "Namjoon would hate you I hope you know that" like... I hadn't even posted anything about him and I just assumed that someone who didn't like the blog and was too dumb to think of something hard-hitting saw that Namjoon is my #fav and thought that was a good thing to send to ~put me in my place~ and now I'm like... ??????

That's legit low-vibe manipulation, the fact that someone felt the need to send that at that moment, unprompted by me. Like, I get waves of hate and they always come when I post something that is specifically meant for the soul group and it ALWAYS gets me to a place where I shut everything down and stop posting because I literally can NOT handle willful ignorance or blind hatred from people in general, but when it's directed at me and my work I'm just like, how hard is it to read more than one post, or even more than one paragraph to get a clear idea of what I'm talking about? How hard is it to PM and ask a question to get some clarification? Like, they don't want to do that because that's not the point of their shit. 

Like, do you really think people, genuinely, on their own, with a clear mind got that mad, that upset over me posting an ask that was excited over Jimin sitting on Kook's lap and responding to it with a sarcastic "have you never seen two bros sit ass to thigh before?" Like, I didn't even tag that ask because I KNEW if I did people would be coming at me, lol. So what the fuck? That means there are people following me waiting for me to say something that they can latch onto. Why? Seriously why?

And there's always a pattern to it as well and it's always the same few people (they type the same and spam like three or four messages at once) and it's always when something for the soul group needs to come out. So, I'm a bit spooked by it. This happened back when I was doing the Soul Map shit too, like before I even posted anything about it. And it follows the pattern of the soul group transmissions, not posts about ships or whatever. The Jikook reading was up for like two weeks before I got a wave of hate for it and that was when I posted something about the different frequencies and transmissions of the albums being significant for different sections of the soul group... so like??

And the thing is is that these people aren't even going to realize that that is what they're doing. Like, people who are under low-vibe manipulation (or literally don't have souls) are not going to KNOW THAT, they're not going to be aware of it at all. They're just going to have this mindset of "this is how I feel and I feel mad and I'm going to PROJECT THAT SHIT because that seems like the right thing to do right now at this very moment even though I've been feeling mad for like a week" 

People who are able to be manipulated like that, or people who don't have souls are not going to even question their actions, they're not going to question the thought behind it, they're not going to think of anything past their own ego that is being projected through a polluted spirit (low-vibe manipulation of body-bound souls occurs through the spirit and attaches through the subconscious mind, soulless manipulation occurs through the unconscious mind) and they just lack self-awareness all together. Like, I read some of these messages and it's blatant projection (in terms of psychological projection), they feel insecure about how they see the guys, or how they see their ships because here I am giving them something different and they don't like that. Why? BECAUSE IT'S THE FUCKING EGO, THE EGO CAN'T BE WRONG.

Now, some people can still vibe on that shit and still have enough control over themselves and their mind to be like, oh, I don't like that, that doesn't resonate with me, that doesn't match what I perceive to be true, so I'll just leave this blog and be on my way. Like, that's totally fine, that's literally ideal. No matter what medium it is, or what subject it is covering, you should NOT try to vibe with something that does not sit right with you. If it upsets you, makes you angry, makes you sad, you need to not read it. Those emotions, the negative emotions are from triggers that literally get you to start pumping out negative energy which low-vibe shit latches onto. The second you start projecting that out into the world rather than handling it internally, you open yourself up for attack and manipulation, and then you just end up in a cycle of projecting, then getting triggered, projecting, and then getting triggered, over and over again. Why does that happen? Because low-vibe shit EATS negative energy like that. They want you to be upset and angry and sad because that lowers your vibration and keeps you in a lower density where they are so they can continuously use you and your ability to project. And I’m not special, I get dragged into it too.

Like, it's so simple, right, but STILL I am annoying because I have all this bullshit pride in what I do and even though I know I'm not here to convince people of anything, I still get so fucking mad about people NOT getting it or not even trying to understand it on a superficial level. I go through cycles all the time and it's getting more and more sporadic with the current transits, the light code integration periods, energy waves, and just real life personal shit piling up, but like I'm still AWARE OF ALL OF IT, so why the fuck do I still get so pissed off about it???

Literally, it's just because it's important. Whenever you do something that's actually important it's going to pull in low-vibe shit because you're actually making shit happen and you're actually helping people change, progress, and follow the ascension process and they don't want that. They don't want people to have any awareness past the superficial. They don't want people to be outside of their egos. They don't want people to question any of the wrongs that they do because then they aren't easy to manipulate. They're not a port that can be used for that shit. Like, it's all good, you do you. If you feel good and you're comfortable on that low-level shit and you want to stagnate and always feel that anger and insecurity forever, go for it. But like, at least ponder on the idea that it's not you. Negative emotions, anything that you feel the need to project that spews negativity is not you. It's something that you allow to have control over you.

Question yourself more and ask yourself why you feel the need to go deeper into what makes you angry by sending hateful messages rather than doing yourself a favor and simply removing yourself from what makes you angry. Why do you spend so much of your time and energy trying to make someone else feel bad rather than trying to make yourself feel good? Literally, it's just your ego, the idea that you yourself can't be wrong and that you yourself are being attacked by someone else just existing. That's insecurity. You are insecure with your ideas, your truth, your understanding and rather than wanting to question yourself or simply move away from what makes you so insecure, you rather lash out. Again, it's whatever, you do you, but at least try to feel good about something.

Try to align with things that are internal rather than external. When you align with things that are external and you align your ego with them, your image of yourself, then you are always in the realm of insecurity. Just as an example, with ships and shit like that, you are aligning your ability to be right about something, to be "accepting," or to see beyond the "facade" of a non-romantic relationship with something that is completely out of your control and separate from you entirely. It's borderline religion when you think about it. It's a belief that you have to find proof for and constantly reaffirm by picking bits and pieces out of videos and pictures while ignoring other instances where it seems that what Person A does with Person B, seems to be the exact same thing that Person B does with Person C and so on. 

That's the insecurity, it's the potential of being wrong and having your faith in something be crushed. Like, you can still support the potential of a relationship, you can still casually ship, and whatever else, but the fact that some of you align so deeply with strangers potentially being in a relationship to the point where you are willing to sacrifice your own dignity to not defend them, but to defend yourself and uphold your own belief is literally scary. It's obsessive. You are aligning your energy and your path with something that may not be real, and people that you don't know, and then making it something negative, you are using it to hurt people... sound familiar?

Like everyone does that in the fandom, but there are plenty of people, massive amounts of people that do the exact same thing but contribute something that is positive and entertaining and makes people feel good. People that do fanart and fanfics, and even the weird stuff I do here contributes something with a positive intention while still aligning with something external, which could be a specific ship, all ships, the fandom itself, or just the group in general. 

However, the difference is that when there is positive contribution, there is also internal alignment. Within that internal alignment, there is security. That's the real difference actually. I am aligned with my shit, right? I do believe in what I do and trust myself. I am secure in the idea that I am giving people something that can help them see past the superficial. I am providing my own security, I am not relying on something outside of me to feel secure. People that write fanfics and contribute fanart and other forms of fan-fuel, are secure in their abilities to create something, in their ability to post regularly and communicate with other people. They have security with themselves, their internal alignment and it is balanced with their external alignment as well.

Like... it's not even an asshole kind of thing to say that people who take the time to be hateful and leave death threats must not have much going on in their real lives... like, it's kind of true. They may not have a lot going on for themselves so they HAVE to align with something externally in order to feel like they have anything at all and that's where that imbalance comes from. It can be different for everyone though, of course.

Just imagine being on a tightrope or something. People that are internally and externally aligned are perfectly balanced and stable. People who are only externally aligned are constantly leaning to the left. They're unstable and insecure with their position, fully reliant on the wind not blowing because if it did they would definitely fall. Then anything and everything that triggers that insecurity (such as me or anyone else saying anything about an opposing ship or whatever else) is the wind blowing. Rather than trying to balance themselves out, they start screaming at the wind. And it is a real response, it's a valid response for what they are feeling because in their mind, in that position, you're either on the tightrope or you're on the ground with a broken spine. It's black and white. 

For the balanced people, there are many layers to the spectrum where on certain things they can be a little more on the left, a little more on the right, completely in the middle, leaning forward, leaning back. It's actually very restricting to be imbalanced because you literally can't move out of fear that you will actually fall and that will be the end of everything. So, of course, people get upset, of course, people get angry and so horrendously filled with hate towards people because, in their mind, it's the wind that's going to push them over and tear their reality apart.

I mean really, my anger with people's inability to see what I think is obvious is no different than their anger towards me for not seeing what they do even though I probably do, I just don't feel the need to make it a huge thing because it's not my business to do so. The difference is our reaction and our action towards that anger. They want to leave hate and I just want to step away from it all together. It's the same but different.

Lol, okay, I'm done. I needed some catharsis because I was going the fuck through it. Like 10 different bits of fuckery happened over the last two days including finding out someone in my family died, had two big panic attacks for the first time in like 3 months while in public, found out my pants were ripped the entire time I was at the store after I got home, my dog ripped up my paintings and then pissed on my pillow, got behind on paid readings after only three days, and then had to deal with an onslaught of nonsense from a million different sides that all seemed to be offended by something different about an ask that had a one-sentence response, lol. 

Luckily I didn't go full maniac and delete the whole blog, I just had me a nap and then cleaned my room. I feel a bit better now, so I'll open up the ask box again because that's always annoying to have it closed, and I'll do some of the mini-readings and stuff later today and then on Saturday as well. There's a lot in there, so I'll probably get through the "How the members see..." readings for Yoongi, Hoseok, and Namjoon, and then just answer some of the questions that are in there.

Thanks for reading my brain dump, lol.