#but also let me love the idea of r in highlight in peace

[faceglitchsworld]

It's the first of November!

First and foremost, I hope you celebrated a good Halloween yesterday and spent a good time.

Now, let's enter into a new month by celebrating an old ma-I mean leader's day.

Happy birthday, Dann 🥳

As always have a look at the collage I made.

I know what you are thinking. It looks a little weird. Well, look at the center 🥺

I wanted to dedicate this collage to Dann's leadership instead of just focusing on just one member relationship so, here you go, you got Kingdom group selfies 😭

Finding these two pics has been a little difficult since Dann nowadays doesn't hold the phone like he usually did before. And I get it. Hwon is tall 🤣 Better use him as the selfie maker instead of forcing him to shrink himself 🤣

I also used a couple of two old screenshots of mine for making this collage! I needed to dive a little deeper in my phone's memory to find them but you can see them now! 😭

I might do the same for the last letter I should write for this month probably...

Anyway, here's the letter.

Today, we're celebrating the day of a leader who's the perfect example of what happens when you struggle to make others respect your authority.

Our Dann is a very simple man. He speaks a lot of languages—Mr. Worldwide indeed. He's experienced, a talented singer, and he might be a good actor, too. He's friendly and open—the perfect idol, if you ask me. But there's one last thing that our fox still struggles to get.

His members' respect.

If you've been into K-pop for a while, I think you perfectly know the entire gimmick/inside joke of the Leader that sometimes isn't able to manage the members or the jokes about the oldest members. Well, Dann is literally an incarnation of both.

This man tries everything, everything to be listened to by his members and what he gets is always one thing: S T R U G G L E. I never saw a leader struggle more than him. The disrespect he gets every time, how the members, especially Louis, mess up with him, and the betrayal ™ Arthur, his long-time member and friend, gives to him. This man deserves a break 🤣

But our man didn't give up; he fought back. And what's more effective to counterattack than embarrassing your fellow members? Dann is well aware that he's not just a leader but also the oldest member, so why not make your youngest fellows cringe by embracing the "how do you do, fellow kids?" meme? Since then, he has become unbeatable. He perfectly knows how to counterattack, like the respectable leader he is.

Jokes aside, I love Dann. He's my second bias in Kingdom, although he doesn't share the same spot as Ivan (I love my artic hare more, sorry Dann, hope you understand haha). His album is one of my favourites, it's in my top three.

I always had a soft spot for traditional music blended in pop music (spoiler, I will keep talking about it in the next letter for sure haha) and Dann's album immediately got my heart out when I listened to it for the first time. It's also the album that got a "better" treatment, considering he got two MVs instead of just one. And I wished the albums after Dann's followed the same formula, which would have highlighted the ballad or one of the b-sides in it. But oh well, guess we can't have everything in this world.

And what about his character inside the Kingdom's lore? The hero who first fought to bring peace to his kingdom but he gets broken immediately after all that struggle because of one, last tragedy? Perfect, immaculate, kinda relatable too. I have no idea how he will develop later in the story, I see him as kind of the wiser king compared to the others. He might not have the strongest powers as the other kings have or be "manipulative" but if he notices that something is going wrong, he notices it immediately and he'll do everything to find a solution before history repeats again and he'll see another tragedy happening in front of his eyes.

I don't know if it's the most accurate depiction of the character, again, I followed my vibes but it's an image that kind of fits Dann, both in the story but also in his career as an idol. I don't think I need to explain to you the entire history of Dann, I think almost everyone who digged a little into his past knows that, he already experienced the hardships and the suffering of seeing your dreams crushing and burning instead of blooming.

I think he saw the debut in Kingdom not only as a second opportunity but also as a way to make sure that his members would not go through the same path he went through. He protects them in any possible way and I think that, deep inside, he's also seen as that old, funky big brother everyone wished had by the members.

Dear Dann, I wasn't expecting this letter to be this long and I just highlighted a little part of you. Yesterday (in my timezone at least, I know it was midnight in Korea haha) you wanted to bless us with another cover and show us your vocal talent. I, and I think other Kingmes do too, love your passion for music, especially if we talk about your vocals, which bless us every time.

I briefly mentioned your struggles because I wanted to make this letter light-hearted. It's your birthday after all, haha. But I want to remind you that, whenever you feel down and think you might not make it this time, there's the love of your members and Kingmakers right on your back.

I'm glad you're taking more and more steps in songwriting too and you're building your place into Kingdom's history by writing cool songs. I loved Gundam and I can't wait for the day you'll be able to write a title track too. Hope this day will come soon.

My birthday wish for you is that you'll finally manage to be listened to by your members for once. It will probably happen soon I believe, but if it will not happen, well, keep going, I believe in you 😤

Happy birthday, little cute fox 🦊

[foolish-bean]

Self-Forgiveness Enchantment: R&D Process

Before I start...

I'd like to share this: There are so many ways you can radiate magick throughout your life. This is the main idea I always revolve my spells around as I create them. Anything can be magickal because YOU are magickal. There is power in doing what makes you feel enlightened and at peace with yourself and the universe.

Yeah, spells are like recipes. If you'd like, you can replicate it to a T. But sometimes there will be missing ingredients that only YOU will have the palette to discover. I put a lot of thought and research into every single aspect of my ritual, and I'd like to explain my reasoning along the way, but by no means does that suggest there is one way to perform spellwork.

Change the hour; pick a different day; pray to another deity; replace an ingredient; omit a ritual. Do as you please, the magick starts with you.

I implore you to not replicate the rules, but instead replicate the feeling this enchantment aims to establish. I mean...why else would you cast it? Tailor this to you.

Don't let the pressure of perfection stop you from trying.

Okay, let's get this party started: Brainstorming

...feels like a spell in and of itself. I usually start off by using my favorite divination tool (tarot cards) and my greatest motivator (emotional pain) to inspire what grand message I would like my next spell to express. Think of each thing I highlight in pink as an ingredient to the spell.

This process led me to the V of Cups (Reversed). Seeing this card elicited a powerful feeling inside me. Before, I had been guilt-ridden and ashamed of my emotional downfall after so many months of hard work. I was so blinded with grief that I failed to take proper inventory of all the things I still had. Seeing this card reminded me that not all was lost...a path to recovery and self-acceptance was possible.

With this card, I can see what themes will be important for me to hone in on as I move through development: acceptance, hope, forgiveness, gratitude, kindness, and recovery (1).

Because the card itself is associated with these themes, it only felt natural to celebrate it and all of its magickal associations.

V of Cups Correspondences:

Element - Water

Zodiac - Scorpio (also associated with themes of regeneration and justice) (2)

Numerology - 5

Deities - Poseidon, Aphrodite, Isis, Boann, Hera, Hathor (3)

Out of these options of deities, I felt more connected to Isis, so I decided to honor Her.

Each of these correspondences has correspondences too! That's what makes researching so much fun, it's a never-ending rabbit hole. I continue by learning how my spell could celebrate each of these new "ingredients" in some shape or form. I'll go through each one by one.

Water Correspondences:

Performing a tea ritual (my favorite thing to do since I LOVE tea)

Collecting moon water (or really any magickal water) (4)

Bath or shower ritual! Because of time constraints I'm omitting this from the enchantment, but I still wanted to suggest this. (5)

Green/blue candles - blue candles are especially wonderful for protection and healing

Planetary hour of the moon - effective hour for emotional messages, magickal rituals, and visionary work as well (6)

Herbs: Basil - lol, there are many more but it's the only one I have on hand

Isis is also associated to water!

Scorpio Correspondences:

Wait for a Scorpio moon - I had already passed the time window for a Scorpio sun, so that was a goner lol. In my time zone, a Scorpio moon gives me a time window of around 2 days to choose my planetary hour from. I do know that the moon is in its fall in Scorpio, and unfortunately my natal chart doesn't support a Scorpio moon but I don't see any of this as a bad thing. I see spell casting during a fall as a symbol for a time of deep inner work and transformation. It might be helpful to call upon spirit guides/totem animals for protection, and to incorporate as many Scorpio associations as you can to strengthen your intentions and power. Meditation and intense reflection is also appropriate during this time. (7)

Herbs: Echinacea (also strengthens the power of other herbs), Basil (this one specifically supports a Scorpio moon, how lucky am I? lol)

The Number "5" Correspondences:

I usually incorporate numerology in my spellwork through the creation of a witch's bottle. Pick five ingredients to be in this bottle to capture the numerological intention behind the number. It's super fun to do, and gives me an excuse to use additional "ingredients" that I think can strengthen the enchantment.

Planet: Venus

Color: Pink

This number is associated with change and love, so it fits well with my themes

The door is wide open to get creative with this one. You could present five offerings to a deity, steep five herbs in your tea, recite a mantra five times, etc. The whole point is to just be intentional on how you incorporate the number.

Isis Correspondences:

This applies to any deity you call upon during spellwork: research as much as you can about them. Spending time and effort learning about their origins and purpose is already a grand form of respect to offer. This action alone is remarkably helpful in understanding nuances in how you should communicate to them, and what is (in)appropriate to ask of them. Isis is a nurturing Goddess, so She is not remarkably difficult to communicate with, she's actually a joy to be around from my experience. This is not the same for every deity, so be careful!

Loves sweets!!! Candy, raisins, milk, and tea work too. You can offer baked goods, like brownies for Her, and she'll be very pleased. Again, you can get creative. Because I'm performing a tea ritual, I'll be offering Her some tea, and some candy and raisins.

Loves the color green

Recite a prayer to Isis. You can create one or find some around the web. Don't just read the words aloud, establish your own connection to them first. You can also draw symbols associated to Isis physically or in the air. Another idea is carving them into a candle used for the enchantment

There are MANY associations you can incorporate for Isis that can strengthen your connection to Her. There are incenses, totem animals, oils, herbs, flowers, and many more offerings you can give that align with your interests.

Yay! Next up is the outlining phase...

Whew, that felt long yet I know there are so many other details I didn't expand upon for clarity's sake. That brainstorming phase was a lot so let's start this one off by recapping all the elements I'd like to incorporate in the enchantment. I'm gonna organize them by rituals I'd like to perform, magickal times I'd like to consider, and motifs I'd like to include.

Rituals: Research deity Moon water collection Tea ritual Prayer to deity Witch's bottle Magickal Times: Scorpio moon (Ex. Dec. 9th, 3:35 AM - Dec. 11th, 11:11 AM) Hour of the moon (Ex. Dec. 9th, 6:40 PM - 7:51 PM) Motifs (think of these as the main ideas of the spell): Themes: Acceptance, hope, forgiveness, gratitude, kindness, recovery, self-love, healing Tarot Card: V of Cups (Reversed), Suit of Cups is also applicable Element: Water Planet: Mars/Pluto (Scorpio), Venus (number 5) Zodiac: Scorpio Number: 5 Deity: Isis Sub-motifs (think of these as supporting ideas): Planet: Mars/Pluto (Scorpio), Venus (number 5) Colors: Blue (water), Green (water/Isis), Pink (number 5) Herbs: Basil (water/Scorpio moon), Echinacea (Scorpio) Deity offerings (ex. sweets)

If the brainstorming phase looked like a hot mess beforehand, I hope it looks more digestible now! Keep in mind, this is still a planning phase so I might omit/add "ingredients" to adjust for time constraints and availability. Usually, ingredients added during outlining serve as "strengtheners" in the spell.

For example, I know I want a witch bottle containing five ingredients, but also know my current list of sub-motifs lacks a diversity of magickal items. I could include more items that align specifically with the themes of the spell. This is where additional research into crystals, flowers, oils, spirit guides/totem animals, and more comes into play. This is also where trusting your witch eye will be most vital in determining what the last few ingredients will be.

I have many crystals associated with themes related to healing and hope and even the Mother Goddess, Isis, but it is my responsibility to determine which stones will be fit for the job. It's like they're all auditioning for Witchcraft Idol and I'm their Simon Cowell, but much nicer, of course.

I'm gonna skip the long explanation and provide a small-ish list detailing the extra ingredients I'm adding.

Herbs/Spices: Rosemary: A favorite that I love adding to my tea ritual. Works wonderfully at healing and removing negativity. Also best to use on Saturdays or Sundays, the very days I'll be casting. Himalayan Pink Salt: Works wonderfully as a cleanser. The pink salt aligns nicely as a witch bottle ingredient. Totem Animal: Dinosaur: I've recently felt a strong spiritual connection to the dinosaur, specifically the Brachiosaurus. I was hesitant at first, but upon some digging, I think the dino is a great totem animal for this enchantment. The dino's reign on Earth reminds me of the tenacious spirit of Isis. Their ultimate demise can teach us to let go of the past, embrace new beginnings, and make peace with the highs and lows that come with the cycle of life. Sounds like a perfect fit to me. (8) Crystals/Stones: Carnelian: Associated with Isis and the number "5". Works to restore vitality and motivation. One of my favorite crystals, and the only one I have as a sphere. Will serve as a wonderful offering to the Mother Goddess. Tourmalinated Quartz: This buddy is like an old reliable to me. This crystal is remarkably powerful as it combines the energies of Black Tourmaline and White Quartz to serve as a mighty protector and amplifier. This baby is also one of few crystals that can be associated to all planets, zodiacs, and elements. Also happens to be my only tower, lol. This gorgey hun will solely serve as support during the enchantment. Merlinite: Another bestie of mine. I have this one in the shape of a palm stone, making it perfect to hold as I meditate. Merlinite is especially effective at connecting with totem animals and encourages you to face your shadow self. A very, very wise, trustworthy stone that is great for healing rituals. Hematite: I felt like I was missing an earth related ingredient that could serve to ground me. Upon learning the power of Hematite, I knew this would be a great addition to the line-up. This stone works to lift shame and despair and replace it with the determination to do better and take responsibility. Self-forgiveness can go nowhere without the intent to work for a better future. Moonstone: Very powerful as it is associated to Isis, all planets, and the Scorpio zodiac. The spell will be cast when the sun is in Sagittarius, another sign supported by the Moonstone. Insanely perfect fit for this spell. It can function as psychic protection and as an emotional balancer. Peach Selenite: I have a bias for my peachy baby! Serves as a cleanser and is associated to Pluto, a ruling planet of Scorpio. She also promotes self-awareness and acceptance. A perfect 10. Pink Opal: Associated with the Divine, Scorpio, Sagittarius, and water. Great healer...and it's pink! :) Rose Quartz: This will be an ingredient placed in the witch bottle, as I have a few small chips ready to put in some work. It's pink and aligns with water and Venus....so it was practically made for this bottle! This last addition is an incredible healer and fills the soul with love thy self and thy neighbor.

OMG, this was wayyyyy longer than I anticipated. I'm gonna make another post soon with just the spell itself, but I thought it would be interesting to share my process, as I'm always curious to understand all the moving parts that create magick.

See ya on the flippity flip flop! :)

Sources/Further Notes:

(1) I've been using this beginner tarot deck I got from Temu to help me get reacquainted with all the magickal associations to the cards. If you're new to tarot, I think this is a wonderful deck to start your journey off with and it's super affordable as well.

(2) Silver Ravenwolf. Solitary Witch: The Ultimate Book of Shadows for the New Generation. Woodbury, Minn., Llewellyn Publications, 2009.

The bulk of all the magickal associations and info I've gathered come from this FANTASTIC book of shadows. Just thinking of this grimoire makes me want to cry tears of joy because it single-handedly kickstarted my obsession with spellwork.

(3) Tarot card and deity associations Tumblr post I found that was sooooo helpful

(4) Magickal water properties from Pinterest

(5) My bathtub looks like it came out of a horror film, no way am I bathing in there, I won't be able to focus! Witchcraft can do a lot, but it will never convince me to fester in that tub! Here are some effective shower alternatives if the bath is a no-go.

(6) Use this wonderful planetary hours calculator to find the astrological association with the hour of the day from your locale.

(7) There is sooo much information about the moon that is instrumental to spellwork, this post is already long so I won't go any deeper into it. Here is a great site to get detailed astrological info about the moon from your locale

(8) Additional information on the spiritual meaning of the dinosaur can be found here

[reginarubie]

I respect that you didn't intend to have Rhea as a hypocrite. And I've tried to understand and it and I not saying she is a complete hypocrite or anything but I do see why she can come of as that.

There are some ways her situations is similar to r/l and there are different but there are parallels all the same. Parallels don't have to be exact and I thing that's where most people are getting the idea from?

She and lyanna ran away to marry the man they love both abandoning their "duties" as ladies of noble house. Now there are differences for sure but the motive remain the same. They ran away to marry for love. (Side note I saw someone comment that R was a man of prophecy and therefore Elia if unable to give him another child was allowed to marry and I just want to make it clear I do not stand with that statement. Elia is more than her womb and has provided two healthy children one of them is a male which is good by the realm standard since they're sexist but and way R was no "man of prophecy" what did he did exactly? Tear the realm apart? Insult his wife and children, let civilians suffer under his father's rule till he was forced to step out and even then the peace was being held by a string by the starks that bent the knee? Like what prophecy was he fulfilling? There is no Nk etc?)

And I think people think of her poorly because, she says she doesn't blame Jon for what his mother had done but she still looks down on him and feels threatened by him because of something he can't control. The schemes and whispers of others. Which is fine she is allowed to be paranoid and be spiteful since she clearly idolize her mother. To me that makes her more realistic.

Additionally she seems to blatantly ignore that house stark lost a lot and also was insulted by house trag. I can get her scorn for Lyanna but the hatred for starks when they too lost and have forgiven the lost of Ned stark brother and father caused by her grandfather. And he never met his nephew or sister again after the wars. And she sees no issue in that. Seeming to see it as a fitting punishment even. Which I enjoy since I'm hella petty and would probs be the same to someone who hurt my mother even if logically I know it's not completely their fault the human heart is not so easily convinced which is why I liked that she can be petty and hold her grievances since it's very rare that a person can be that forgiving. And I think this also highlights the difference between Sansa and Rhea really well. Sansa who is more mindful of the thoughts and effort of others as someone who was raised by a loving family and Rhea who was raised to believe by her trag family that she is above others and in the court of politics is untrusting. Given that her fam is pretty toxic it's no wonder she will point at others asides from her family. Her family is all she has in the court of snakes so could you blame her for being blind to some of their faults? For defending her family, maybe it's a trauma response or maybe it's the environment that forced her to placed her family above all else like her the starks put the pack first. Anyways my ask is spiraling and I bet most don't make sense since I'm still learning English as well. But I can't blame some readers for seeing the unintentional hypocrisy in this chapter although whether or not that changes as the story unfold remains to be seen since this is just her first chapter and we're only a couple chapters in. 😂 Look what you've done, you got people so emotional over your writing that they're making parallel and headcanons about them truly as skilled writer to invoke such a response from your readers

This actually made me feel much better, thank you nonny 😊 I hadn’t thought about it that way, and I do feel very much appreciated both for this sweet message and the fact, as you pointed out, that have invoked such a response from the readers.

Thank you, here’s to me giggling away after you put a smile on my face!

Also don’t worry about your English, I am not a native speaker and I know how confidence it takes to share a comment or say their own when one not yet sure about their language skills and makes me appreciate you and this message all the more — PS the message was perfectly understandable. So good for you! Good job! ❤️

Also, I am not denying the parallels, I am saying that all things considered it’s human that Rhaenys would not see the similarities as the circumstances and effects are much different. We as readers we have a better outlook to the whole picture and it doesn’t mean Rhaenys is an hypocrite that she doesn’t have the same big picture, because she’s not an outsider, she’s an insider. This is why I think it would be okay to point out the parallel us, as outsider can appreciate, and still don’t think an insider character should be held accountable of things she has no way to know.

That’s why I think describing her as hypocrite in my opinion is a bit too much. Especially because as a lawyer and training judge I know circumstances make the difference and the devil is in the detail. We can stay here and discuss the single detail it still doesn’t change that we can’t know for certain if Rhaenys would’ve done the same as Rhaegar and Lyanna did put in the same circumstances. Indeed we can almost guarantee that she would not, since she has idolised and is so protective of her mother, and it is improbable she would repeat the same behaviour that caused all of that, especially considering how she worries for her people and doesn’t take their loyalty for granted and actually takes care of them.

The parallels are there, but instead of being a parallel I think of Rhaenys more as a foil confronted both to R and L as well as E.

She’s not as not considering of duty as Rhaegar and Lyanna were and not as kind and over generous as Elia remained until her death.

Plus, she’s not guilt-tripping Jon about what the courtiers think, you all seem to assume that Jon did nothing to show interest in the Iron throne and I wonder what gave you the idea. Everything from Tyrion commenting on Jon’ stint in the black cells — we know Lyanna’ side, her son is innocent; we don’t know what actually happen and Jon is the same Jon who in canon said at a little younger age he would be lord of Winterfell and he himself admits he was ferocious at that time without minding the circumstances — and of how everyone has seen how skilled he is and that Jon shone despite his birth when Rhaegar pit him and Aegon against one another, to Jon himself saying in the summary he always hungered for the chance to have Aegon’s life and possibilities would lead us to believe that not everything as as easy as meets the eye. It is explicitly said that until the dragon were born and after Jon’ stint in the black cells Rhaegar showed much interest in Jon and that Jon proved his worth and that only the fact that no dragon bonded to Jon made the interest in him diminish somewhat.

So I ask again, all the evidence we have until now (from several POV) points in the direction that Jon might have been somewhat responsible about the fact that people keep considering him an alternative as he posed himself as such; thus who is to say Jon did nothing that would warrant Rhaenys’ distrust in his motives? And, as you said, it’s realistic that Rhaenys would be biased about Lyanna and Jon.

Is she right about them 100%? No. But she is entitled to think what she thinks without that making her an hypocrite, or a bad person.

Also I don’t stand by Rhaegar had reasons because prophecy in canon, let alone in this AU were there no WW e no NK. He humiliated and put in danger not only himself but also Elia, Lyanna, Aegon, Rhaenys and Jon with his behaviour.

On the top of that if you consider that Aegon seems to have idolised Rhaegar because he brought peace to the Realm and won the war, Rhaenys seems to have done the same for Elia and may feel like she’s the only one who defended her mother in the Targaryen family, as a woman myself, who literally took out a chunk of a boy’s hair because he called me “son of a bitch”, I emphasise with that and thinks it makes her behaviour much more tridimensional and realistic, and not hypocritical.

She doesn’t ignore the abuse House Stark suffered through, but as a member of House Targaryen who has lived clearly in a toxic environment she is lead to believe they are better than any other House, additionally Rhaenys felt the burn of Aerys’ hate almost as much as House Stark did, she isn’t ignoring what Aerys did to them, but since she’s defensive of her mother and brother — who she feels is too trusting in the name of peace — she is clearly suspicious of House Stark’ motives and we as readers know she’s not off mark there, because House Stark is not being honest with them and is using their cultural differences to ensure they will get independence instead of the peace of the realm Aegon is advocating for. It is human that she is petty and defensive of her family with all that happened, i don’t deny it. I characterised her especially that way.

And I agree with all the rest you analysed about the differences between Sansa and Rhae especially considering that I always said that the Starks have an enormous advantage to the others even in canon they were raised in a loving house by Ned Stark and that’s hella of an advantage, plus they have inherited Catelyn/Lyanna’ ferocity.

So above all I adore you analysation of Rhaenys as a character and I agree with almost everything beyond the parallel/foils matters on which I believe Rhaenys to be more of a positive foil against R and L and a neutral to negative foil against Elia.

And again thank you, I appreciate this message more than I can say, and it made me feel very seen and appreciated so thank you, lovely anon!

[moved-to-in-love-and-liberty]

This is for all the people who enabled me, including but not limited to @enjolras-would-bang-that and @wellhellothereitscassidy

This is how it starts. 

Grantaire standing in a corner store holding a tube of concealer. concealer, well isn't that just perfect, something to cover me, something to hide me, maybe if I use enough I can disappear. 

He buys it.

Next, comes foundation, bought hidden among milk and eggs and too much wine. maybe I can conceal myself and begin again, build a foundation that can bear the weight of the world. The clerk doesn’t say anything, only stares and when Grantaire gets back to his apartment he starts crying for no real reason

Products build up, a colorless collection of self-hate, designed to hide and conceal and destroy and oh god what if someone notices, what if they see that I’m wearing makeup. Boys don’t wear makeup.

Then, begrudgingly pulled along to pride-- it's okay, I’m okay, being bi is okay --he stops inside a corner store and a boy with glitter on his cheeks stops him and says -

“Cutie you would look amazing with winged eyeliner. you totally have the eyes for it.” and then, with a wink, the boy is gone, out into the swirl of colors and Grantaire is left alone clutching a bottle of water and an eyeliner pen.

He buys it. It was pride.

It takes a while, but hands that hold brushes, that box and dance are steady and gently pull wings out of the creases of his eyes. and when he looks his face is still colorless concealed disgusting-- but his eyes. 

His eyes are beautiful, they look big now, they fit his face now, and for the first time ever Grantaire can’t tear his eyes away from his reflection.

The next time he goes to buy condoms he lingers in front of the makeup case, what would mascara look like?

The time after that he buys some-- and finds out it makes him feel soft and coy, blinking at the mirror. 

Suddenly it becomes something he puts on every morning; do your makeup, make breakfast, put together your bag for the day, make lunch, go back to the bathroom and takes off your eye makeup because boys don’t wear makeup go to work

When Jehan asks him to try this new lipstick he doesn’t even flinch before saying ‘no’ because boys don’t wear makeup.

 but at home it is different, he starts to experiment,  all his extra money funneled to the drug store aisle, he starts to wear colors; lipstick, blush and eye shadow. he buys a highlight and cries because this is what the boy at pride was wearing, 

but the thing he buys most of is makeup remover because not in public not in publicnot in public notinpublic

and it is an untold secret among the amis, that Grantaire wears makeup, seen only in traces of color on his lips and cotton pads in the sink

It is Enjolras who breaks the silence, of course,  it is Enjolras who breaks the silence, giving Grantaire a collection of brushes, 36, and staring him down “Well you’ll need to show us some time” 

So then he wears makeup at home and at amis meetings, where he is met with love everyone gushes over his skills, the colors he uses, how happy he looks

Then he wears it to the store, and to the studio, and to parties- with each place he goes with bright lipstick and bold lashes it’s like a tie being undone, he is able to be him and if that comes with blush and bronzer than that's okay

Then Enjolras always Enjolras comes to him with a blush, and a stammer, and a credit card ‘for my birthday I want to make you happy’ and leads Grantaire to a kind of store he had only seen from the outside, dedicated entirely to makeup, rows and rows, with things Grantaire could never afford but Enjolras just blushes deeper at the wide eyes and slack jaw and says ‘go ahead’.

When Grantaire kisses Enjolras for the first time he leaves a blood red mark on his mouth and a smear of gold on his cheeks.

[wisehq]

Mission Debrief: Chapter Forty-two

...It's all coming together.

I'm just going to come outright and say it; I had no idea what to write for this review- not because there wasn't anything to discuss, but rather this chapter gave us so much that I didn't know what to focus on first. Chapter forty-two has single-handedly thrown open the doors to a hundred different theories, and believe me when I say that after a whole night of redbull and theorizing I couldn't come up with any clear answers (the folks over at the Strix discord group can attest to that).

So here's what we're gonna do; I'm not going to focus on the chapter itself.

It was cute. Cardshark Anya is hilariously awesome. Damian is a little shit (whom I adore), and the chapters where the kids can just be kids are- in my opinion- the best.

That's all I'm going to say on the matter. For the rest of this review, I want to go over all the facts we know so far about the story and setting. All of the things Endo has been slowly building up in the background and the pieces that we can stitch together from them, starting with this chapter. Two key things stuck out to me.

In the entirety of the story up till this point, this is the first time we have heard mention of a royal anything- and not only that, but this chef is a former royal chef. This of course implies that a) said chef was fired (not likely given that Eden wouldn't likely associate with someone who was disgraced like that) or retired, or b) that there is no royalty anymore. Ostania is a totalitarian state and the main power of the government- from what we've seen- lies with the ruling political party, i.e the National Unity Party, a.k.a Desmond's party. Such a political structure would have no room for royalty in a governing capacity, and therein begs the question; is there still a royal/noble class- albeit in a non-governing sense- or was it abolished sometime in the recent past?

Classical language is not proper speaking and diction like I had originally thought. Classical language is a specific term typically used to describe a dead language or dialect (think Latin, or Hebrew before it was revived). I find this particularly interesting because under no circumstance would a child as young as Anya know anything about a dead language unless- as Loid points out- she was exposed to it as a toddler. It would have had to have been when she was very young, as she herself doesn't realize she knows this information. This would mean she likely learned it from her birth family; Anya was old enough to remember the lab and scientists, meaning she became Subject 007 later on in life- otherwise she would have remembered knowing classical language.

These two concepts are incredibly important to keep in mind, both now and later on as the story progresses. We now know that a royal class plays a factor in the political game that Twilight and everyone else is playing, and we know that Anya knows information that she shouldn't know otherwise (even with her mind-reading powers). So where does that leave us?

Honestly, for the first time...I'm kind of stumped?

Let's look back at the story and see what else we can piece together- maybe there's something in there we can extrapolate for our purposes. Another clue to point us in the direction that Endo is seemingly funneling us towards.

From chapter forty-one

Franklin Perkins was a man who believed in making his country a better place to live. In his eyes and from what he saw, Ostania wasn't going in the right direction- but why? He blames his lack of money for his mother's death, and we see him hold resentment towards the government over socialistic policies. Wealth is something to be shared with others, not hoarded for ones self. That seems to be where Ostania's moral compass is pointing towards, but is that really the case?

From chapter 39

Mr. Green mentions that people have been fleeing to Westalis; from the way he says this it sounds like this is happening currently- not in the past- and people are going so far as to travel through a third country just to get to Westalis. Such a journey isn't without its perils, so anyone attempting to crossover from Ostania would likely be taking a huge risk in doing so. Not only that, but most of what we've seen in the story is Ostanians loathing Westalins...so what would compel people to do this in the first place?

From chapter three As Anya reads the minds of people gathered at a politcal rally near the start of the manga, we see their disgruntled thoughts behind her. There's multiple mentions of losing jobs and not having enough money- some people are even hungry. Most of these people blame Westalis for their troubles, though not the leader of the rally, ironically.

Also from chapter 3

We find out (and often forget) early on that there are multiple political parties in Ostania. Donovan leads the National Unity Party, whereas the political rally we see here is hosted by the Nationalist Party. The latter preaches peace with the west, but many of the people gathered reject this outright. This is important; the N.U.P is the most successful political party in Ostania, which means a majority of the country's citizens approve of their platform. If we're to assume the Nationalist Party's platform is to advocate for peace with Westalis, then we must also assume that the N.U.P stands for the opposite; direct aggression with the west.

From chapter 31 The Zacharis Dossier, though ultimately a bust, hinted at rumors that have permeated East and West since the start of the cold war. We know for a fact that human experiments did indeed take place in Ostania, so it also stands to reason that there is at least a kernel of truth to the claims of P.O.W (prisoner of war) massacres conducted by the west. It's a heinous crime, and also one that leads to another question; why would any country go through with it in the first place? In addition, piggy-backing off the former point;

From chapter 19 While Loid details Project Apple, he uses the word 'regime' to describe the former Ostanian government. The literal definition of a regime is a government, especially an authoritarian one (Oxfrod Dictionary). I won't highlight all the specifics of what is and isn't authoritarianism, but essentially the point I'm trying to make here is that the current Ostanian administration is still very much a regime. Donovan acts as the authoritarian ruler (or would-be ruler; we don't know if he's actively in charge or is looking to usurp power for himself) and continues on the legacy of the former government. We know for a fact that this is the case because Anya is only at most 6 years old, likely even younger. That would mean the experiments being run on her had to have been recent, which fits with the time frame that we established at the beginning of this rabbit hole- it also aligns with what we know about what Donovan has been doing on the back end of things. Those who have kept up with my reviews know what I'm talking about; gloom pharmaceuticals, the truth serum, OSO-R, etc. All of that, which then leads us to...

...right back where we started. So...what then? What can we conclude from all this? At least a few things;

Anya is tied to Desmond- either directly or indirectly.

Anya's past is also Ostania's past; she's familiar with a dead language that's no longer spoken, and there's definitely a reason why no one speaks it anymore.

Ostania is in a period of political and economic turmoil. This also comes on the heels of a (possible) former monarchy, and the struggle of a country willing to embrace authoritarianism so long as it means staying alive.

WISE and Westalis are not innocent in this game of chess with Ostania and the SSS, and more than likely have committed atrocities that may or may not be directly tied to Ostania and- possibly- Anya's past.

And...this is as far as I can go. I've hit a wall, as have other people I've talked to. We're still missing pieces to the puzzle. Endo will of course provide us with more clues and theory fodder as the weeks and months progress, but for now this is as far as I can go on my own. On the one hand I feel defeated because I can't come up with a meaningful explanation for everything and present it in a neat little bundle for you all to read, but on the other hand I'm thoroughly enjoying this. I'm more engaged with this manga and story than any other I've read before; I'm at the edge of my seat every week, and I'm sure most of you are, too. For now, I'll leave the review here. I find it fitting to leave it open ended, just as Endo did with Loid's self-imposed question. Hopefully, like him, we can find answers in the near future.

Also, BONUS...

...No fun panel with a snappy comment this time. Instead, I’m going to humbly ask for your help.

If you have any ideas about where you think the story is going, theories as to how everything fits together, or just really want to discuss the manga with other fans- please check out our forum and share with us. We’d love to hear what you all think; not only that, but a lot more heads makes theorizing both more productive and a whole lot more fun. Check it out if you have the time, or- if you don’t feel like clicking on any links- you can always leave a comment either on this post or send us an ask or message. Anytime, any reason, we’d love to talk SxF.

Again, thanks for reading, and we’ll see you all next chapter!

[jenomark]

A-Z Analysis of Chenle

💚 Smut

💚 18+

💚 This is only fantasy

A ⇥ Aftercare

  He’ll feel like a million dollars. Smugness isn’t in his nature when it comes to sexual pleasure, but he’ll be glowing like a God when you’re finished with him. Needs a little time to rest and compose himself. Hates being caught with his pants around his ankles, so to speak. Wants to come back and hold you after catching his breath and wiping his sweat. A large part of him likes being lazy in love. Doesn’t want to leave the bed after sex. If he does, it’s to get the food that he’s ordered and that’s it.

  B ⇥ Body Part

  This isn’t a question he cares about. Of course he loves himself and everything that comes with the package of Zhong Chenle. His confidence is always sexy and alluring. His favorite part of you is your eyes, honestly. Likes to stare into them deeply, always trusting the softness you give back to him. In the bedroom, he doesn’t shy away from any part of your body, even if you hate it. Doesn’t highlight your insecurities in an obvious way. Is careful with the way you feel, but he’s definitely appreciating every last bit of you.

  C ⇥ Cum

  Feels very masculine and brilliant after he cums. Has had to get used to pleasuring someone in a different way other than through penetration. The effort it takes to get you to come is something he really likes. He ends up feeling accomplished, especially if it happens faster than he thought. His facial expressions always betray his emotions in this moment.

  D ⇥ Dirty Secret

   There are things he’s shameless about wanting or needing. Wanting you as you come means wanting you when you’re dirty and messy, when you’re already tired and sore. Is also the type to have sex at any time of the day when the mood strikes him. He’s a pretty simple guy.

  E ⇥ Experience

  Realistically, he has zero experience. He likes pleasure and the idea of giving pleasure to someone else through love and intimacy, but it’s not a priority. Believes there is plenty of time for that. Really looks forward to it, too. Parenthood is also tied into his life fantasies.

  F ⇥ Favorite position

  Him on top. Making eye contact is important to him. He likes to make you feel flustered. He likes for you to feel his body weight and heat. It’s also really romantic, and he gets to be in control. 

G⇥  Goofy

  Sex with him would be fun and stress-free. He’s the perfect person to go to when you want to work on all of your physical problems. He allows people to be themselves around him, as long as he gets to see them and witness it. Good with taking your bad energy and getting rid of it. Sex with him is always an exchange of something (energy, love, time)

  H ⇥ Hair

 He wants more body hair than he has. He has all of these ideas about being rugged and sexy, even though he’s already comfortable with the person he is. Will consider shaving or trimming if you ask, but a part of him would be hurt by it. Doesn’t expect you to do what he wants and is okay with it. Natural is nice. He would never want you to do what you don’t want to do.

I ⇥ Intimacy

  Since he’s honest with himself, he’s open to letting sex be as intimate as possible. The only time it wouldn’t be an intimate affair is if he’s just having sex for the sake of pleasure rather than love. He can separate those two things, but once he knows you don’t want love, he might shut himself off to it. He’ll give his body and nothing more.

  Intimacy always means laughing. If you can’t laugh at yourself, it will turn him off. 

    J ⇥ Jack Off

   Doesn’t masturbate that often (surprisingly), but he’s explored his body enough to know what he likes and needs. Is a pro at not being caught by anyone. 

K ⇥ Kink

  He doesn’t have very many kinks. It’s not his thing, but he’s open to the idea of learning without judging. Kinks in the way social media sees them haven’t really entered his radar. It would be fun to teach him.

L ⇥ Location

  Will have sex anywhere he feels like it. Of course, it will have to be somewhere legal, and somewhere he feels comfortable. Is the type to get horny completely out of nowhere. Has no problem having sex in the midst of cleaning on a Sunday afternoon. His favorite location is at a place he owns himself, though. He has this idea of breaking in his furniture with sex and love, with someone who loves him as much as he loves them.

M ⇥ Motivation

 Turned on by really strong women with masculine energies. He knows people well and can get under their skin. Someone who cuts off his efforts and serves it right back will catch his attention. Also turned on by someone taking care of him and making him feel insignificant. He’s easily charmed by all of that.

N ⇥ No

 Turned off by a lot of things he considers normal (things that the average person is turned off by). Not into stubborn and selfish lovers. Doesn’t want to feel forced when he’s trying out new sexual positions. 

O ⇥ Oral

  He loves oral sex. He loves to sweat between your legs, holding onto your thighs as his tongue dips in and out of you. Has to look at you often to see how you’re reacting. Feels the oddest bit of romance if you suck his dick at night, and he has no idea why.

P ⇥ Pace

  Sexually, he likes to set the pace and be in control. In a perfect world, you both meet each other halfway, but it’s okay if you’re not someone who can do that. He’s so good with creating safe spaces.

Q ⇥ Quickie

  Loves quickies!!!! Sex should be fun, because that’s always how he’s seen it portrayed. There should be no timeframe when it comes to love, so he’s down for taking breaks out of the day to get down to it.

R ⇥ Risk

  He’s too intelligent to be risky. He knows the consequences of getting caught aren’t worth it. Risk will find its way to him, though. His thoughtfulness plays with the idea of impulsiveness sometimes. He might say no one day, but when opportunity arises, he changes his mind.

S ⇥ Stamina

 Enough stamina to make you cum. That’s really all you need to know.

T ⇥ Toy

  He will not be the one to introduce toys into the bedroom. He likes it best when it’s just him and you. He would try it out on you, if it’s what you wanted.

U ⇥ Unfair  

  He’s always teasing you, sexually and non-sexually. He likes having the upper hand. Watching your tongue stick out of your mouth when he slows down the pace and doesn’t give you what you want is all fun for him.

V ⇥ Volume

 Though his voice is normally loud, he gets kind of quiet during sex. A lot of heavy breathing and grunting, but nothing too wild. Contemplates a lot. Ends up talking to you in soft whispers, mostly loving words of encouragement.

W ⇥ Wild Card

  He won’t show you that he loves you with his hands. His mouth will move over you, his lips full of need. He’ll hope for the swell of your body moving upwards to meet his mouth. He’ll hope you understand what he’s saying without having to say it. “Tell me you need me.” Chenle will say impatiently. His lips will stop and his eyes will wait. His pupils will darken. You won’t show him with your hands either. “ I need you.” you’ll say. Chenle will dive deeply into you, fingers moving inside of you to finally scratch the itch you’ve had since you first laid eyes on him. Chenle will laugh and you’ll relax a little, grasping onto his shoulders, before wrapping your arms around him, and opening your legs to let him inside.

X ⇥ X-Ray

No matter what size he is, he’s proud. 

Y ⇥ Yearning

  Has a decent sex-drive. Because there is a part of his energy that’s a little addicting, he’ll end up fighting you off of him because you’ll want to fuck him all the time.

  Z ⇥ ZZZZ

 Falls asleep straight away, if you have no plans after sex. Looks the most peaceful he’s ever looked, too.

[ultimate-cinephile]

more stuff that no one asked for! keep in mind that the ask box is open so feel free to request!

JOKER FLUFF ALPHABET

he deserves more love!

A- Attractive (What do they find attractive about the other?)

Okay, let’s be honest, you fell for Joker because of the hair or because of his eye.

He fell for you because he admired your bravery and kindness (doesn’t matter if you’re part of the SPFF, helping him and Licht, or just a plain ol civilian). You two met because he had showed up in your apartment one night, bleeding out, and your first instinct was to patch him up, and as soon as you were done, you pulled a knife on him.

B- Baby (Do they want a family? Why or why not?)

I think Joker wouldn’t really want kids. He lives a dangerous life, and so far, you’ve been the closest thing to normal that he’s been able to keep without it being taken away from him. If he did decide he wanted kids, he would have to have finished his work and he would have to be sure that no one would be coming for him or his future family.

C- Cuddle (How do they cuddle?)

Despite appearances, Joker is most definitely a cuddler. He loves wrapping his arms around you or having your arms wrapped around him because he likes that security. He loves the assurance that you’re there. 

With that being said, his go to cuddling position is probably the Honeymoon Hug. It gives him access to feel your arms wrapped around him and the security that gives him, and it allows him to wrap his arms around you. It makes him feel like both the protectee and the protector.

D- Dates (What are dates with them like?)

Joker…. doesn’t really plan dates. If you help him on his mission, that’s probably the closest to a date you get with him. Well, you two do order take-out and cuddle while binging some movies too. If you really want to go out though, just tell him and he’ll plan a most extravagant evening out.

It doesn’t really matter what you two do as a date though. Joker just loves spending time with you. You two could literally be watching paint dry and he’d be content with it, as long as it’s with you.

E- Everything (You are my ___; eg: my life, my world)

You are my only hope in this godforsaken world.

F- Feelings (When did they know they were in love?)

After a long night of helping Joker decipher some clue he picked up on his latest expedition. You were mumbling to yourself and tossing out guesses. Joker took a moment and looked at you. Your eyebrows were furrowed, eyes squinted yet somehow glaring at the clue, biting your lip in frustration. You caught his gaze and asked if something was wrong and he tossed out a witty remark. You laughed and in that moment Joker realized that if this was normal, he wanted it, and he wanted it with you.

G- Gentle (Are they gentle? If so, how?)

Joker is not a gentle man. However, with you, he is the most gentle person to ever walk the face of the planet. He knows that you’re more than capable of handling yourself, but he’s so terrified of losing the best thing to ever happen to him that he sometimes treats you like the slightest touch would break you.

H- Hands (How do they like to hold hands?)

Joker likes to slip his hand into yours and then you intertwine your fingers. Depending on his mood, he might lightly swing them. If you two are cuddling and you lace your hands together, they’re probably laying on his chest.

I- Impression (What was their first impression?)

Your first impression was probably somewhere along the lines of: “Man, I can’t wait to eat my rame- HOLY SOL, THERE’S A GUY BLEEDING OUT ON MY COUCH!” When you were able to think rationally, and after Joker had managed to talk you out of removing the knife from his throat, you thought he was weird and a little creepy, but you guys managed to bond anyways.

His first impression of you was that you were incredibly kind. I mean, you patched him up without a second thought. His second thought was, “Okay, this chick/dude might slit my throat. They’re awesome.”

J- Jealousy (Do they get jealous?)

He absolutely does not. 

How can you be jealous of someone who never existed in the first place?

Okay, so he does get jealous, and he might not go to the extent of murdering someone (although I wouldn’t say he’s above it). Usually if he gets jealous, Joker just materializes at your side and the guy almost immediately makes up an excuse to leave. It’s not that he doesn’t trust you, he doesn’t trust the other guys.

K- Kiss (How do they kiss? Who initiated the first kiss?)

He probably did. The first time he kissed you was impulsive and quick and neither of you realized what was going on until you pulled away. He got embarrassed so you dived back in to kiss him again.

Kisses with Joker start off soft and slow and almost timid if you’re really looking for it, but eventually get more passionate. He always drags it out for as long as possible and they always tell you just how much you mean to him without him ever having to say it. Needless to say, when the both of you pull away, you’re usually breathless.

L- Love (Who says ‘I love you’ first?)

Honestly, probably you.

You and Joker were kissing one night and when you pulled away you breathlessly sighed, “I love you.”

When you looked at him, he was tearing up, and he moved to hug you, quickly repeating the phrase. He loves you so much, and he was scared to say it in case you didn’t feel the same.

He can’t thank you enough for loving him and giving him the normal life he’s always wanted.

M- Memory (What’s their favorite memory together?)

His favorite memory involving the two of you is simple. You two were cuddling. He had woken up first and you were still sleeping. Your hair was beautifully splayed out behind you. You looked so peaceful while you slept that he dared not move for fear of waking you. The light from the window highlighted your face perfectly and it was just perfect.

N- Nickel (Do they spoil? Do they buy the person that they love everything?)

Joker doesn’t buy you everything. If he sees you eyeing something a lot, he will buy it for you with no hesitation, but he isn’t the guy that goes out and buys you a teddy bear for no reason either.

O- Orange (What color reminds them of their other half?)

Green. You had an ivy plant in your bathroom so anytime he sees that magnificent shade of green, he thinks back to how you two first met and he goes full sap mode.

P- Pet Names (What pet names do they use?)

Doll is his go to. I don’t know why. It's just is. He’s also rather fond of love, dove, and baby.

Q- Quaint (What is their favorite non-modern thing?)

The watch. He keeps it, even broken, and it is still one of his greatest treasures.

R- Rainy Day (What do they like to do on a rainy day?)

On a rainy day, he loves to make some type of hot drink and then curl up on the couch with you in his arms while you watch westerns (like The Magnificent Seven, Tombstone, or Quigley Down Under).

S- Sad (How do they cheer themselves/others up?)

Joker doesn’t cheer himself up. He bottles up his emotions and distracts himself.

DO NOT CRY AROUND THIS MAN!!! He has no idea how to console a person and he gets extremely awkward. He’s torn between joking and hugging you so he settles for rubbing your back. He’ll let you talk and offer to help the best he can.

T- Talking (What do they talk about?)

With you? Anything and everything. His goals, his mission, whatever movie you managed to get him into.

U- Unencumbered (What helps them relax?)

Cuddles. Cuddles help him relax. Please cuddle this man. Any sort of physical contact from you makes all of his worries and stress from the day melt away, and it’s just what he needs after a long day.

V- Vaunt (What do they like to show off? What are they proud of?)

Well, he is proud of you and shows you off to his associates as much as he can.

Aside from you, his hair. Like, have you seen it? hOW DOES HE GET THAT VOLUME???

W- Wedding (When, how, and where do they propose?)

Joker bought a ring two weeks before he proposed to you.

Where and how he proposed is kinda funny. Both of you were exhausted. You had either accompanied he and Benimaru on their mission or spent the entire night worrying about him, and he had done cool fighting stuff all night. So when he got home, you both crashed onto the bed and he immediately pulled you into his arms.

He thought you were asleep, and in truth, he almost was too, when he popped the question. “(Y/N), you mean a lot to me, more than I’m capable of expressing. You’ve given me the closest thing to a life that I’ll ever have and you make life suck a little less. Marry me?”

Imagine his shock when you mumbled out a sleepy, “Yes.” Nevertheless, you woke up with a ring on your finger in the arms of your fiancee.

X- Xylophone (What’s their song?)

I have absolutely no idea why but the Hurdy Gurdy Man by Donovan reminds me of Joker.

For your relationship song, I’d say it’s most definitely James Dean and Audrey Hepburn by Sleeping With Sirens.

Y- Yes (Do they ever think of getting married/proposing?)

He absolutely would love to marry you, and he thinks about it all of the time. He buys a ring on a whim and carries it around for two weeks and constantly thinks about when would be the right time to do it.

Z- Zebra (If they wanted a pet, what would they get?)

He wants a dog. Having a fluff ball around would be fun to him. Plus, he’s always wanted one.

[xpao-bearx]

Part 1 HERE

NOTE: OMG I really wasn't expecting for the previous first part of Heavenly Sins to blow up as it did, but I just wanted to give a huuuge THANK YOU to all of you amazing folks!! 🥰🥰🥰 Your support truly means so fooken much to trashy ol' meh and y'all are the reason I am writing this story series in the first place :')

I do have my ideas, but I still don't know much yet of what to do or even how long (or short) this story will get. So, if you would continue to give me your mindblowing support, it would seriously mean the W O R L D.

I do, however, very much enjoy writing Negan in particular so far. He's one of my absolute fave characters ever and JEFFREY DEAN FUCKIN' MORGAN NEED I SAY MOAR?!? 🥵💕💕

But this second part will be focusing a bit more on our beloved sheriff Ricky boi! Of course, Daryl will also get some much deserved love and attention tho I think he will appear in the story a lil later on.

Also, if you ever feel compelled, you are more than welcome to take some inspo from this story and make your own imagines and such! I'd love to see 'em, so please tag me 😁

P.S. There won't always be long ass notes like this, only if I wanna say something or bring up whatever is important. Also, if you wanna be tagged on any new/future story parts, then just tell moi and I will dedicate the latest one to the people who wanted to be tagged!

DEDICATED TO: The wonderful @buttercandy16 💖

"Heavenly Sins"

Part 2

After your little spiel, you haven't spoken to Negan since then. But on the way home after church, you passed by his house and found him tinkering away on his motorcycle (which you previously learned he interestingly named Lucille) in the garage. Not being able to help yourself, you paused in your tracks and just curiously watched him for a while.

His leather jacket was off, revealing a plain white t-shirt. The shirt was quite tight, and you noted how it perfectly hugged the taut muscles of his chest. Your eyes then slowly trailed to his toned arms, adorned by tattoos you wished you had a better look at. He stopped briefly, placing his tools down before grabbing the hem of his shirt and wiping the sweat on his forehead.

You didn't even think twice as your eyes dropped, hyperfocused on his abs. He wasn't the buffest guy out there, but he was lean and fit and--to put it bluntly--hot. A part of you screamed bloody murder to get a grip on yourself, to just turn your stiff body around and proceed on home. But another part completely squashed down those protests without even a fight; as if your pathetic excuse of a resolve wasn't even meant in the first place.

"Take a goddamn picture, darlin'. It'll last longer."

Your head snapped up, meeting the tantalizing hazel stare of Negan. His lips were curled in a smug smirk, and nevermore in your entire life have you wanted to both slap and kiss someone so badly.

But you only clicked your tongue, shooting him a sharp glare before (at last!) turning and walking away as you hid your blush. In the distance, his amused chuckle begrudgingly sounded like the sweetest fucking music to your ears.

♡♡♡

You woke up at 7:05 a.m. like you typically did the next morning, Monday. It was the dawn of a new week, and while most people dreaded it you actually didn't mind it so much. You had your job to thank for that.

Sure, it wasn't always easy, but it was worth it in the end. You loved teaching and spending time with the children, and you were even more ecstatic since you knew Judith was going to be at the daycare.

As you finished eating breakfast and preparing for the day, you grabbed your bag then went out the door. You opted to walk again today, the weather far too beautiful to miss plus the daycare really wasn't that far away.

Eventually arriving at your destination, you approached the daycare building's doors with a little spring in your step. Once inside, a young woman with her blonde hair high in a ponytail smiled and waved.

"Hi, Y/N! Goodmorning!" Beth Greene greeted energetically.

"Morning, Beth." You chuckled, the girl's radiant smile infectious. You've known Beth for some time now, especially since the Greenes were one of the oldest families in Alexandria and they were well respected. But you got along best with Beth, you thought she was the friendliest and she was also the latest hire of the daycare.

Stashing your bag away in your personal locker, you fixed yourself up a bit before getting your nametag and sticking it on your top. Looking up at the wall clock, you read that it was 7:50 a.m. Perfect, just in time for the kids' drop-offs.

You waited outside with Beth and the rest of the daycare workers, until finally the parents started rolling in. It was the usual; some of the children were wailing, snot snivelling down their nose as their embarrassed parents tried to tug them away from clinging onto their legs. You could only offer a sympathetic smile as you tried to help, while other children were much more relaxed and didn't even spare a second glance at their parents as they were dropped off.

"Well, that's about all of them." Beth piped up.

"Wait, we're still waiting for Judith." You said, searching for the toddler. "Rick said she'd be here."

Beth checked her watch, her brows creasing a little in worry. "That's odd. Sheriff Grimes is never late when he's dropping Judith off."

Just as she said that, there was a honk that disrupted the peace. You and Beth both spotted a crying Judith being held by Lori, the woman appearing utterly exhausted before her eyes locked with yours and didn't waste another second dashing towards you.

"Please don't run when you're holding Judith. Also, no honking is allowed on the premises." It was hard for you to keep the malice out of your voice, but you mentally gave yourself a pat on the back since you miraculously managed to not make it sound the worst it could get.

Lori raised a brow at you, but only handed Judith over to you. Judith immediately quieted down when she saw it was you, you cooing gently at her as she giggled and snuggled up comfortably against your chest.

"Rick will be picking her up later." Was all Lori said, pressing a quick peck on Judith's curly little head before parting ways. As Lori rushed back to the car, you saw Shane in the driver's seat shamelessly attack her neck with fervent kisses and you couldn't restrain an eyeroll.

"Fucking bitch..." You grumbled.

"Uh-oh. Bad!" Judith giggled again, clapping her hands gleefully.

"Right, right. Bad. Don't copy me, okay?" You laughed, completely forgetting about your aggravation as you rubbed your nose with Judith's and went inside.

♡♡♡

The rest of the day rolled along splendidly. No one threw a tantrum and for the most part, all the kids properly shared the wide assortment of toys and even did their activities orderly and on time. So, you decided to indulge them with a small yet much sought after reward.

Painting.

When it comes down to children, painting can be utter chaos. But you figured since they were being so good, you'd allow it. At the daycare you worked in, painting was quite a rare occurrence and that only solidified how much the kids adored it.

Once the materials were set out, it was a dizzying flurry of excited hands grabbing anything it could latch on to. As the kids went about doing their creative business, you found Judith all alone sitting in the corner playing around with some blocks.

"Whatcha doin' there, Judi?" You asked, sweetly calling out her nickname. "You don't wanna paint?"

"I wanna, but not with papers." She replied, shaking her head.

"Oh? Then where do you wanna paint?"

"I wanna paint on faces, but no one wants me to!"

"If that's the case, then I'd be more than happy to let you paint my face." You smiled.

"Really?!" Judith's whole face lit up, jumping up and wrapping her tiny arms around you as tightly as she could. "Thank youuu!"

You chuckled, ruffling her hair and watching as she happily gathered some paint and brushes.

♡♡♡

It was finally the end of a long day, and your face felt a bit itchy from the paint Judith put on you. But it didn't matter; as long as the little girl was happy, it was the best damn day ever.

You were holding Judith's hand as you waited outside for Rick to pick her up, and once he came up with his car Judith beamed.

"Daddy!"

"Hello, sweetheart. Did you have a nice day?" His face looked tired, his greying beard making him appear slightly older than he really was, but his smile was genuine as he carried Judith in his strong arms.

"The bestest! Y/N lemme paint her face!"

"She did, huh? What did you pai--oh my god."

You bursted into laughter at his reaction, flashing him a toothy grin. "In the words of Judi: You're a pretty tiger! Grr!"

"Now that you mention it, I can see it." Rick joined in your laughter, nodding his head. "Looks like we've got a talented lil artist in our hands!"

"Daddy, I wanna paint your face next! You can be daddy tiger and Y/N can be mommy!" Judith proclaimed.

You and Rick flushed pink at the same exact time, but Rick was quick to clear his throat and change the topic. "A-Anyways, Y/N, how 'bout me and the kids give you a ride? Thank you for today, by the way."

"No problem, and sure! Thanks so much."

As you settled in the passenger's seat, two hands covered your eyes from behind. "Guess who~?"

"Hmm..." You hummed, making a show of thinking. "Are you an elf?"

"No!" The hands were removed, Carl popping his head out from the backseat to look at you as he laughed. "It's me!"

"Oh, sorry! You're just so short, I thought you were an elf." You teased good naturedly.

Carl huffed, sticking his tongue out at you. "Y'know, in a few years, I'll be way taller than you!"

Once Rick was done buckling Judith into her carseat, he took his place in the driver's seat and drove out of the premises. You just talked about anything that came to mind: work, the weather, Alexandria's local shops, etc. To anyone else, maybe it seemed like regular boring conversation. But speaking with Rick was truly one of the highlights of any of your days. He was extremely easy to talk to, and he never failed to cheer you up. And it was obvious Rick was the same. He was allowed to simply be himself around you; to loosen up, momentarily forget about the stress and sometimes even the woes that came along with being the town's upstanding sheriff.

As you were nearing your home, Carl decided to cut in.

"Y/N, can we stay at your house? It's been a while since we had a sleepover." Carl asked, his baby blue eyes identical to Rick's alight with hope.

It wouldn't be the first time Rick and the kids would be staying over. You were very close to the Grimes family, sometimes even almost considering them as your own. You didn't mind it. Since you lived alone, it can get pretty lonely. And having people around surely brightened up the house and made you keep your sanity.

"I don't mind, but you gotta ask your dad." You chuckled.

Carl turned to Rick, pouting and giving his best puppy dog eyes. Rick rolled his eyes, but couldn't suppress an inkling of a smile.

"Yeah, yeah. But let me drop you and Judith off with Y/N first. I'll be back, I just need to get some extra clothes and essentials."

"YAY!" Carl cheered, Judith following suit as they both raised their arms and hollered.

"You're so whipped for them." You laughed, shaking your head as you looked at Rick.

"I ain't denying that." He sighed dramatically, grinning.

[roccinan]

1/? simply because you have the most galaxy brain thoughts ever,,, what do you think would've happened if they waited until s5 to reveal sergio and andrés were (half)brothers?

i do know that when my fam started watching lcdp at first i was so put off. like i watched ep 1 and the prof creeped me out. ""berlin"" creeped me out. e v e r y o n e creeped me out. and i was cringing so hard becz of the short lived romance angle with alison parker. i literally did not watch s1 at all xcept for like sneak peeks. highlights being the scene where berlin discovers monica is alive and does his dramatic door by door thing? that was so SUSPENSEFUL even tho i had no idea what was going on. DOMINGO DE RESURECCION remains forever iconic.

2/? And OF COURSE the group bella ciao dance when they hit earth (hahah i thought the banda were actually like a "found family where they all love each other LOL") i am a SUCKER for found family. but anyhoo when i properly got intrigued was s2 when tokyo was kicked out (the music from that scene is still my favourite) it's just so dramatic..!! why am i telling u all this again? right, i haven't slept a wink and it's nearly 7 am pls forgive me if these rambles make no sense. i have a point with this.. i'm going somewhere

RIGHT. so when the fam actually rewound the ep cz i wanted to know WHY berlin did that (didn't fully realise how batsht crazy he can be), the russian roulette scene played. and pedro's acting. MAN. and like just that ep they made a point of showing us these flashbacks where sergio and andrés hug....

Hi anon! Thanks for stopping by- sorry took me a while to get back to you, will do my best to answer this string of messages (got all 4 parts)! Glad you like my thoughts XD

Firstly, I believe Andres/Sergio would be the biggest LCDP ship if the writers were evil enough to wait until s5 to reveal that they’re brothers asdfasdf. They’re already the two most popular male characters anyway. 

It’d be especially crazy because it’s not like they tell the actors these things beforehand either. So that means there’d probably be a Serdres vs Berlermo vs Serquel fight every 5 minutes. I mean, even if not everyone agrees on everything in the lcdp fandom, it’s the most “peaceful” one I’ve ever been in because no character really gets in the way of any other ship (like even with helermo and berlermo there’s no true conflict since Andres is dead). But with Serdres in the mix?? CATASTROPHE. Everyone out here writing essays about how much of a bastard/bitch/homewrecker/motherfucker that Andres or Sergio or Martin or Raquel is. Never a moment’s peace!! so basically, a regular fandom lmao.

Then when we find out they’re brothers, it goes from catastrophe to Apocalypse. Suddenly serquel and berlermo have the upper hand. Everyone would double down and harass the crew/cast into whatever’s going on.  Plot-wise, everything is the same though, just without Andres calling Sergio “hermanito.” Fandom however, would be a minefield! And I’m glad that’s not the case because I’d probably be an unfortunate serdres shippers XD No joke, my mother and I thought they were a couple in S1. So bullet dodged!

Secondly: haha, everyone creeped me out in S1 too, especially Berlin, I hated him, but thinking back, I think I mostly hated the fact that I didn’t hate him as much as I should have. I’ve made peace with it now but oh boy, was he a controversial figure in my head. I actually like the professor on sight though! IDK why, maybe because I thought his plans were cool or because of Alvaro’s delivery. I was afraid of an Alison Parker romance thing too- like, I do feel like she had a storyline that got dropped, but that part was quite cringey and overall unnecessary to the plot. Same with Ariadna, which was even cringier and even Less necessary to the plot. 

Domingo de resurrecion was iconic though yes! And even with all that said, I genuinely enjoyed parts 1 and 2 because it was so different from anything else I’d seen. Not content wise, but maybe tonally? IDK, they were just really bold with a lot of things, like being objectively unafraid of having the protagonists (plural because all of them did LMAO) do objectively shitty things. Really kept me in suspense from beginning to end! 

I’m usually a big fan of found families too! The funny thing is, then banda never struck me as a “family” until season 3. In 1 and 2, I was wondering what felt different about this show; then it hit me that these people remained colleagues to the end. Like, they backstabbed each other (repeatedly) and everyone was quite selfish, and only the bonds that were already there stuck. They were the opposite of a found family LOL But I think by S3, they went down the found family route and I didn’t mind because it makes quite a lot of sense for them to feel that bond after the Mint heist and almost dying/living together (and having witnessed 3 deaths together on the team). But I still doubt Berlin and Palermo were ever really part of this found family, with good reason XD

LOL the scene where Tokyo got kicked out is also among my favorites!! It was so funny and dramatic, and it was like, wow we can go anywhere with this now! Don’t worry- your rambles and thoughts are always welcome :D

I’m rolling over how you watched the Tokyo expulsion scene before the Russian Roulette scene haha. Also yes, PEDRO. Berlin may have been “controversial” to me at first, but I became Pedro’s fan from day one! Also the Hug is probably what made me like Berlin (despite my determination to hate him rip) in the first place. 

3/? ... and like now that i think about it... tokyo had real guts huh. like she KNEW berlin was close enough to el prof to know his name (fhshshs imagine if she'd heard andrés saying 'hermanito' it's unrealistic that she didn't TBH. i mean obviously they decided to make them brothers only towards the end but like in canon universe. how tf did andrés de 'i raised my bby brother since he was 12 and i'd actually die for him and his stupidly brilliant plans' fonollosa go 5 months without slipping up once and calling sergio hermanito. or like,,, i like to imagine sergio kinda gave him lots of leeway(?) sergio's a lil oblivious too but like i'm sure half of it is.. that's my dumbass older bro shut up i'm not being partial you all have city names .. andr-berlin, pass the salt. like OOF. + sergio also knew his big bro was dYiNG so like. i'm sure they were sneaking in some quality time (i hope they did 😭 gosh imagine if sergio really did not ever consider the possibility of andrés dying in the heist so he'd tell himself he needs to perfect the plan now & anyway he'll have enough time to spend w/ his brother post heist in philippines. and then ... that happened :/

Tokyo has guts in place of braincells you bet that she’d do something like this, consequences be damned XD I also think it’s unrealistic for Andres not to slip up, but I have a feeling nobody besides Tokyo really tried to spy on them in private. I headcanon that Andres instead slips up and does things like ruffle Sergio’s hair or adjust his tie when other people are around. I also think Tokyo was convinced that they were a gay couple when she saw them hug XD And if Sergio never went on to tell the banda that Berlin was his brother, everyone would be giving Palermo such awkward looks after Nairobi accused him of being in love with Berlin LMAO. 

I agree! I also imagine Sergio giving Andres leeway because he’s just so used to interacting with his brother that way haha. So either he’d go out of his way to ignore Berlin in front of everyone else or IDK, borderline telepathically communicate with him. Not even “pass the salt” has to leave his mouth- Berlin just puts salt into his food and cuts it up for him, in front of everyone who’s just staring like O.O

I actually do think Sergio never considered the possibility of Andres dying in the heist because he was just that confident in his own plan. Plus, Andres was probably the one person he expected to survive. And a lot of it has to do with Sergio’s attachment to him + Andres’ own habit of downplaying any illness/injury over the years, which I think is safe to believe canon. He was really in no condition to be in the heist, let alone lead it. Just the fact that he needs to take those injections is a big sign that he shouldn’t be there, but Sergio didn’t catch it because he’s human and blinded by faith :’) So yeah, I think Sergio was planning to spend proper time with Andres in Palawan and at Toledo, they just settled for those little moments by the fireplace. 

4/? what always also just GETS me in the feels is that el prof was shown to be this in control creepily calm dude who is miles ahead of everyone. + in the 1st Toledo class itself we see how detached,, like how impersonal he is, how professional - choosing frickin CITY NAMES?! no 'personal relationships' ? (after recruiting his older brother, a father son pair, and war cousins... oh sergio 😂 he's such a frickin nerd and i love him) but like the earlier seasons really emphasised how robotic and down right COLD he can be. it still sometimes bothers me that he put the button in the car. he lead the police to his own damn brother, his blood, who took care of him and adopted him and was terminally ill and like - UGH i try to rationalise that sergio is that cold and unbothered. or that he has strict morals. but it still bothers me becz that button really sort of tipped andres' already unstable sanity. like andrés tells denver someth like you've robbed my future and after that he just seems so much more suicidal and accepting that he can't get out of the mint alive - WHY SERGIO WHY. I KNOW THAT AT THAT POINT YOU BASICALLY DIDN'T KNOW ANDRÉS WAS GOING TO BE YOUR BROTHER YET BECZ IT WASN'T WRITTEN IN THE SCRIPT BUT WHYYYYY

That’s so funny to me too LMAO No personal relationships, then he recruits these guys. Sergio, hello?? Also can’t forget how he just recruited his own girfrleind in the second heist too. Buddy! Love this nerd.

I don’t think that cold aspect of Sergio went away in later seasons either; he just had more opportunity to show a more open side of himself + without Andres, he had to metaphorically leave his comfort zone without a safety net. But in earlier seasons, he really did seem heartless at times XD Then again, we can argue that the same goes for Andres.

To be fair, I didn’t feel sorry for Andres over the button thing lol, but once the brothers reveal happened and all of Alvaro/Pedro’s headcanons came out and we know everything Andres did for Sergio, it makes what Sergio did REALLY harsh. We really just have to explain it through Sergio’s strict morals and him believing this to be the best non-fatal punishment for Andres, who at that point had convinced him he killed a hostage. And because he knew the television interview was coming up, maybe Sergio assumed Andres would use it to “clear” his name anyway. And empathy isn’t one of Sergio’s strong suits either, so through that lens, I can rationalize it.

Also it was lowkey funny to me how Andres was there like DENVER MUST DIE until he found out Sergio put the button there, then he was like “oh hermanito, you and your practical jokes <3″

Still, like you said, Andres and Sergio weren’t brothers yet at this point. They were probably supposed to be lovers lmao and had a dysfunctional Hannibal Lecter x Will thing going on. But because they made #hermanos canon, that button moment just feels very out of place now, especially given how much the two genuinely love each other.

Guess we could also say that Sergio’s just generally kinda bratty with Andres XD Like, he knows no matter what, Andres would forgive him anything. That’s how I see it anyway! 

[kkenvs3000]

My Ethics as a Nature Interpreter

Picture originally posted by Earth Eclipse

When writing this final post, I can appreciate that I learned a lot about nature and different interpretation methods throughout this course. I have done a lot of self-reflection and realize some of my personal beliefs and morals when it comes to nature interpretation. I realized that specific interpretation methods are not for me, and I think that's ok because at least I can say that I have tried them. I feel that trying different audiences on different audiences was part of helping us understand what does and doesn't work based on our personalities. In my understanding, ethics are my moral principles that direct my behavior or the actions I take. I believe that my ethics rely a lot on leaving nature alone and not causing much disturbance. I firmly believe that I must support the survival of life on earth. It means when we observe nature, we don't disturb the ongoing processes in each ecosystem. This is essential in terms of a lot of ecosystems being destroyed on earth and soon leaving behind a residue of what once was. The necessity to protect nature and its ecosystem is apparent nowadays with all the waste of energy and resources, growth of garbage, and ecological damage by industrialization. In an ecosystem, each organism has its role to play. Consider a small puddle at the back of your home. In it, you may find all sorts of living things, from microorganisms to insects and plants. These may depend on non-living things like water, sunlight, turbulence in the puddle, temperature, atmospheric pressure, and even nutrients in the water for life.

I believe that nature is beautiful and very mentally refreshing. Nature has kept me sane through this pandemic, as I'm sure it has for a lot of others. This makes me wonder why nature has this effect on us. Thinking back to my nature walks this week, I noted the sounds you hear, the wind, the birds, the leaves on the trees. They all embrace you with open arms. I love feeling all five of my senses being heightened when I walk. I feel the wind, and I smell the fresh air; I hear the birds' sweet sounds. I love thinking of nature as a way of medicating the soul. I can almost feel it slowly healing me and bringing me to a happier place mentally. With all that nature is providing us, it is essential to give gratitude towards nature. Have you ever asked yourself if what you believe in is true? It is essential to understand your life depends on your beliefs, so make sure you only choose the best. 

The picture took by my sister at Sylvan lake. 

Time has come now to realize that the beauty of nature is very precious. Nature's natural state of love, joy, and pride is the essence of life. With that being said, thinking about the responsibilities, I feel as though we should all be responsible for taking care of our surroundings. For example, A walk in the park is highly relaxing and peaceful and offers numerous health benefits. While it's great to take the time to stop and smell the roses, it's not a good idea to stop and pick them! Every park has a unique and complex ecosystem. Taking flowers or native plants changes the park's ecosystem and prevents them from generating new seeds for future plants. Another responsibility is to spread awareness about the existing issues and promote their effect on our mental well-being. Letting others know the benefits of nature and making them more aware of the disturbances they might be causing. The best approach to the issues is to talk about the new concepts with my friends and share them with my family.  From writing blogs, and making podcasts, I got the chance to explore my comfort level and bring out the nature interpreter in me. I believe that knowing your audience is an important task that everyone faces. It is vital to understand your audience's values, attitudes, and beliefs as it will allow you to anticipate and plan your message accordingly to connect with your audience deeply. I also take part in various clubs where I can promote these ideas. I love sharing new ways to improve mental health because it's such a stigmatized issue, and it should be taken seriously. Most people have done well in this pandemic, but many have suffered detrimental damage from being indoors all the time.  This is why I will continue to promote nature walks and take care of the nature of this planet.

The picture was originally posted on Unsplash.

I want to incorporate some approaches into my responsibilities as a nature interpreter are using different learning styles.  This includes making a poster for visual learners or making a podcast for auditory learners. Even encouraging people to go on nature walks with me for people who prefer kinesthetic learning activities. This would allow me to educate a wider group of people. Another approach that most suitable for me is to combine humor with knowledge about the environment, highlight the issue, create a lasting impression, and grab attention from a wide range of people. According to research done by Stephan Schmidt's article, humorous sentences were better remembered than non-humorous sentences. It is essential to keep these approaches in mind when spreading knowledge to others in the future.

All in all, spending time in nature is a great way to get out and explore nature. As long as we remember not to disturb the natural surroundings, the nature parks will be around for future generations to enjoy. Without nature, I'm not sure we would survive. 

Thank you for reading my post! I hope you all have a great rest of the semester. 

References

Beck, L., Cable, T.T., & Knudson, D.M. (2018). Chapter 6: How people learn. Interpreting cultural and natural heritage for a better world. (pp.105-111). Sagamore Venture.

Hooykaas, A. (2021). Unit 2: Teaching Learners [Course Website]. University of Guelph Course link. https://courselink.uoguelph.ca/d2l/le/content/666945/viewContent/2583079/View

Schmidt, S. R. (1994). Effects of humor on sentence memory. Journal of Experimental Psychology: Learning, Memory, and Cognition, 20(4), 953–967. https://doi.org/10.1037/0278-7393.20.4.953

[artificialqueens]

I Wish You Were Sober (Crygi) - Mumu

A/N: Had to write something for my favorite quarantine bop! It’s also on AO3.

Summary: Gigi just wishes Crystal would kiss her- even when she’s sober.

Gigi clenches her jaw, tightening her grip on the red solo cup in her left hand. The red plastic crushes in on itself with a loud crunch, a split opening and leaking beer all over her.

“Shit!” Gigi drops the cup as fast as she can. The liquid splatters onto the carpet, pooling around her feet.

Gigi takes a few steps to the left, trying to act as inconspicuous as possible. Nicky, the hostess of this particular bash, isn’t even paying attention, and Gigi sends up a silent prayer for that small mercy.

Thank god everybody’s too occupied with grinding on each other as a sad excuse for dancing, or playing beer pong, or smoking joints in the kitchen to have noticed her spill.

Speaking of smoking joints, Crystal’s currently doing just that, blowing smoke out of her cherry red lips and flirting blatantly with the quarterback.

Crystal tilts her head back and laughs throatily, batting her lashes at the football player. She tosses a handful of crimped hair over her shoulder, tugging at the neckline of her dress to show more skin. The sight makes Gigi bite down on her tongue, another flash of anger shooting through her.

The cycle is always the same.

Gigi shows up to a party she doesn’t want to be at, Crystal in tow. Crystal makes a beeline for the drinks and the weed, hanging around the football team for the entire night. She usually ends up dancing on the quarterback, an obnoxious dick that’ll peak in high school.

Gigi always watches her flirt from the corner of the room. She’s left alone to glare at the back of Crystal’s platinum blonde head, watching while the other girl gets progressively more and more clingy with people that aren’t her.

Afterwards, when Crystal is ready to leave, Gigi will drive her home, and Crystal will kiss her in the car, pressed uncomfortably against the window, or wedged between the door and the driver’s seat. She’ll climb into Gigi’s lap, fingers tangled in her hair, and tell her she’s pretty.

And Gigi will go along with it, letting Crystal make her little drunken declarations of love, because what else can she do?

She likes Crystal, so, so much. Hearing Crystal say it back just for a moment gives her a rush of joy so intense it almost makes the next few days worth it. Crystal never admits it in daylight, when she’s sober. But Gigi will take anything she can get.

And so, Gigi keeps torturing herself by watching Crystal throw herself at unknown boys throughout the night, because the promise of those lips on her own is too addictive to quit. Even if they taste like tobacco and cheap alcohol every time.

Crystal trades a drink with a boy Gigi recognizes from her Chemistry class. Crystal probably doesn’t even know the guy, but that doesn’t stop her from thanking him with a sloppy kiss.

Gigi gnaws at her lip, aware that she should probably look away, but not being able to. Her hands tug at the flaps of her leather jacket, twisting the material up. Crystal leans in, draping her hands over the boy’s neck. Gigi swallows thickly.

She suddenly regrets spilling her drink on the ground, because knocking back lukewarm beer sounds like a perfect coping mechanism right now. Crystal turns, pressing her back into his chest, and suddenly the music is too loud. The party is swimming in her vision in all its sweaty, grimy glory. She needs air. Now.

It takes every ounce of strength and self-control that Gigi has to walk to Nicky’s bathroom at a reasonable pace when every fibre of her being is screaming at her to sprint there.

She slumps against the door as soon as it shuts, sliding down towards the floor. Something bitter and mean swells in her throat.

Gigi squeezes her eyes closed, counts to ten over and over until she’s sure her emotions aren’t bubbling right under boiling. It’s the last party of the school year, and Gigi’s alone in the bathroom having a meltdown.

If Nicky saw her like this she’d probably call Gigi a loser: and she’d be right. Gigi’s fucked.

Her eyes drift towards the window, a furrow in her brow. She almost laughs at the absurdity of the idea that pops into her brain. Can she crawl out of it?

The last time she tried was when she was twelve, back when Nicky would sneak her in every Friday for the sleepovers the girl used to host. Gigi’s mom never liked the idea of her going to a sleepover so they’d used the bathroom window to get Gigi in without waking up Nicky’s parents. When Jackie moved to the neighborhood in seventh grade, they’d done the same for her. The girls had fit through the small space easily back then.

The idea seems more and more appealing the longer she stays alone in this bathroom. She considers, running her tongue over her teeth. It might be a tight squeeze, but Gigi can probably do it.

She tiptoes over, cranking it open experimentally. It gets stuck at around three inches, so Gigi pushes even harder, straining until it finally opens fully. There’s a fine layer of dust settled around the windowsill, and Gigi wipes it off with a square of toilet paper. Other than that, it’s the same as she remembers.

She’s going to do this. Gigi hoists herself up, trying to shimmy her shoulders through the small square. Her jacket restricts her movements, though, and she can’t quite wedge her arms through properly. She lands back onto the bathroom floor with a thump, knocking her elbow against the wall in the fall.

“Fuck,” Gigi groans, rubbing the sore spot. A bruise will probably show up tomorrow morning, judging from how hard she banged it.

Okay. New approach.

This time she throws her jacket out the window first, before trying to fit her body sideways through the window.

It works, sort of, and Gigi’s left with her head out the window and her left arm pressed to the outside wall. Her hips get lodged, and Gigi tries to twist her body so that she can wiggle loose. It’s painful, the wall digging into her thighs, but she eventually manages to topple into Nicky’s front lawn, right on top of her jacket.

Gigi flops onto her back, breathing hard. The night air is sharp. She gulps it in, trying to recover from what just happened.

The bass is still pounding through the neighborhood, leaking through the walls of Nicky’s house, but it’s quieter out here at least, and Gigi can finally hear herself think. It’s so peaceful compared to inside the party that Gigi feels herself getting a tad bit sleepy.

Her text tone brings her out of the daze. Gigi fishes her phone out of her jacket pocket, the screen lighting up to show two unread messages.

Methhead:

geeg where r u.

do u wanna leave now?

A groan passes Gigi’s lips. Great. Just when she’s beginning to think clearly, Crystal has to come and muddle it up again. She pinches her phone lazily between her thumb and index finger, letting it dangle upside down, above her chest, with the screen right in front of her face.

She could just not respond. But Gigi can’t do that to Crystal. How would she even get home without Gigi giving her a ride? So she picks her phone right-side-up again, preparing to text back.

“Gigi?” Crystal’s voice rings out.

Gigi scrambles to her feet in the general direction of the voice, brushing dirt off of her jeans. Her phone slips out of her hand in her haste, hitting the ground.

“Hey, uh, over here!” Gigi calls, grabbing her phone off the ground.

Crystal turns, trying to locate where Gigi is. She brightens when she spots the redhead, rushing over.

“Hi baby,” Crystal laughs. “You look so pretty.”

Gigi feels a thrill up her spine at the pet name. Crystal links their hands and raises them over her head, motioning like she wants Gigi to give a spin for her.

Gigi turns obediently, an awkward smile on her face, trying to swallow her heartbeat as it climbs into her throat. Crystal smells like pine trees and cheap alcohol. Gigi wants to kiss her.

“Why’d you run off on me?” Crystal practically falls into Gigi’s arms as she comes to a stop, looping her hands around Gigi’s waist.

The action draws Crystal in close, their noses practically brushing. The white around Crystal’s blue eyes has gone red from the weed, and when she huffs a breath out Gigi can smell the earthy scent of it on her tongue. Gigi can hardly breathe, her head buzzing at Crystal’s closeness.

“Uh-”

“I had fun! Did you have fun?” Crystal asks, all cheerful. Gigi bites at her bottom lip, avoiding eye contact. It seems too invasive. She scuffs the bottom of her heels into the dirt instead, relishing in the sound of the mud as it splatters onto the straps of her high heels. “Nicky’s parties are the best.”

“Yeah.” Gigi grits her teeth, forcing a smile. Her voice quavers a bit, and she winces, praying Crystal doesn’t notice.

Lucky for her, Crystal’s oblivious to her feelings, per usual. “It was great, right? Did you see me kissing Damien? He tasted, like, gross. I wanna kiss you instead.”

Gigi stares, spluttering out an incredulous laugh. Crystal has to be kidding. “That usually work for you?”

“Uh, yes?” Crystal tilts her head, doing an impression of a confused puppy.

Gigi would find it cute, if not for the fact that she’s increasingly feeling like throwing herself off of a cliff, or maybe punching Crystal in the face. Crystal can’t possibly think that everything’s peachy.

The highlighter that Crystal applied to her collarbones earlier in the night glistens under the moonlight, and Gigi has to close her eyes to avoid tracing the metallic glow with a finger.

“Hello?” Crystal prompts, untangling herself from the other girl. “I asked for a kiss.”

“Right,” Gigi mutters. She runs her tongue along her teeth, trying to find some way to explain why that isn’t a good idea.

But Crystal is leaning closer, and the pull between them is intoxicating. Her fingertips slide up Gigi’s neck and tangle in Gigi’s glossy auburn curls, and before Gigi can come up with an excuse Crystal’s lips are on hers.

Gigi would be lying if she said it wasn’t thrilling. They fit together perfectly, with practiced ease. Crystal knows how to tug on Gigi’s hair just right so that Gigi clutches at her, and knows that when she bites down on Gigi’s bottom lip it’ll make her chest heave and her breaths come heavier.

It’s cruel how good Crystal can play her. Crystal tastes… like Crystal, woodsy and peppery and warm. It’s pathetic how used to it Gigi is by now, how she could pick out Crystal from a crowd of people if she had to, just by the taste of her and the feeling of her and how she’s buried herself deep into Gigi’s bones.

When Crystal pulls away it leaves emptier than she’d like to admit, and there’s anxiety spiking in her gut at the feeling. Gigi’s going to cry tonight, can feel it in her bones the same way she knows a fake Birkin from a real one with one glance.

Gigi’s eyes stray to the girl’s face. Crystal’s lip gloss has been smeared onto her chin and her bangs are wild. Her appearance makes Gigi’s blood throb with something hot and filthy, and Gigi feels the breath get knocked out of her at the feeling.

“Let’s go.” Gigi snaps, and whirls on her heel. She doesn’t bother checking to see if Crystal’s following her.

The ride is awkward, to say the least.

Gigi has to dig her acrylics into the steering wheel to focus. Crystal’s smacking her gum in the passenger seat, trying to get rid of the smell on her breath so that her mom doesn’t notice when she gets home. Gigi tries to tune it out, but the sound is grating and she can still hear it with the volume of the radio turned up to an 18.

When Crystal blows a pink bubble with her gum and pops it loudly for the third time, Gigi pulls over, squeezing her eyes shut.

“Can you not?” She doesn’t mean to sound so bitchy, but Crystal’s been getting on her nerves all night and Gigi’s never been a patient person.

“Sorry.” Crystal flushes, fiddling with her hands. She sounds genuinely apologetic, even with the high lacing her voice.

Gigi sneaks a glance at the other girl’s face and immediately wishes she didn’t. Crystal has made herself small, curling her knees up to her chest. She looks childish, face illuminated by the glow of a streetlight shining through the window, and Gigi feels a wave of guilt.

“Fuck, no, sorry.” She eyes Crystal’s folded up form, and sighs. “Here.”

Gigi shoves a hand in front of Crystal’s face. Crystal just blinks at it, confused. “Huh?”

“Spit,” Gigi says shortly.

“Oh.” Crystal hesitates.

“C’mon, I don’t have all night. And I don’t want to listen to you chewing the whole ride.” Gigi glares until Crystal follows the instructions. She flings the chewed-up blob out the open window with more force than necessary. It lodges into a crack in the sidewalk next to a bottle cap.

“Litterbug,” Crystal says under her breath. Gigi ignores it.

Gigi flexes her fingers against the rubber cover on her steering wheel, the bright yellow staring back at her mockingly.

It doesn’t seem right to start driving again, when the air between her and Crystal has stretched so thin and yet still manages to hang so heavy. She bites her tongue to prevent herself from blurting out an apology in an attempt to dispel the awkwardness. She has nothing to apologize for.

“Um,” Crystal says. “Are we just going to sit here, or are you gonna to drive me home?”

Gigi takes a sharp breath in, like she’s going to say something. The words get lodged in her throat, right under her soft palate. She cranks the car window up again to seal the night air out. The car engine is still humming softly, the only sound breaking up the tension in the air.

“Right, yeah.” She manages finally. Crystal quirks a brow, but Gigi doesn’t bother explaining herself.

Instead, she hovers a heel over the gas pedal, biting at her lip. The unsaid words clump under her tongue, bouncing around in her head.

“Are you mad at me?”

Gigi jerks her head towards the passenger seat where Crystal is sitting, bumping her head on the headrest in the process.

“Ow. Fuck.”

“Are you?” Crystal asks again. She looks nervous, pouting slightly. Crystal reaches a hand out like she wants to touch Gigi, but pulls it back before she can close the gap. Gigi’s heart skips a beat at the action.

“No,” Gigi lies, turning back to face the front.

“O-kay.” Crystal says, pulling the word into two syllables. A beat. “Are you sure?”

“No,” Gigi says.

“Okay,” Crystal repeats.

Outside, somebody’s car alarm goes off and she jumps, startled. Gigi shifts, fiddling with the zipper on her jacket. Neither one of the girls speaks, the blaring siren filling the silence.

“Do you-” Crystal starts. Gigi winces at the sound of Crystal’s voice cutting through her head. “What did I do?”

Gigi makes a sound low in her throat, strangled. It kind of sounds like a laugh, warped up and bitter. “Have you seen yourself?”

“What?” Crystal says. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Gigi just shakes her head, not answering. She turns the radio up, shifting the gear out of park. The car starts onto the road home again.

The drive is smooth, but she still feels like throwing up. Crystal is sneaking glances at her when she thinks Gigi isn’t looking. Gigi tries not to look.

She parks the car outside of Crystal’s house and turns the keys to turn the engine off.

“Geeg, don’t,” Crystal heaves a shaky sigh in and out. “Don’t shut me out.”

“Please stop.” Gigi’s tone is clipped, her sentence punctuated by the slam of her closing the car door.

“Gigi, I can’t read your mind! I don’t know what’s wrong,” Crystal’s voice gets louder, and she moves to block Gigi’s way when Gigi tries to sidestep around her to get to her porch.

“That’s exactly the fucking point,” Gigi huffs.

“You’re being unreasonable.”

Gigi’s already resigned herself to giving Crystal vague answers until she gets bored and leaves her alone. But when Crystal spits the statement, her pride boils over, because how dare Crystal say that?

How dare she act naive and unaware when she practically throws herself at Gigi every time alcohol enters her system? What’s Gigi supposed to do, not catch feelings? Especially when Crystal looks like that, all olive skin and red lips and gorgeous bone structure.

And Crystal just acts like everything’s perfectly fine the next day, every time. She always leaves Gigi thinking of the feeling of Crystal’s lips pressed against Gigi’s, or her weight on Gigi’s lap, or her hands knotted into Gigi’s hair.

It’s not fair. It’s never fair with them two, and that’s the problem. Gigi’s in love with her. Crystal couldn’t care less.

Gigi doesn’t realize she’s talking out loud until she stops to take a breath. She freezes, panic swirling up from her bones.

Her head gets dizzier and dizzier the longer Crystal stays silent.

“Crys-” She starts. Crystal cuts her off.

“How long?” Crystal whispers. It’s still too loud in the silence that blankets them.

When Gigi doesn’t respond, Crystal repeats herself, voice a little more frantic this time.

“Gigi, I need to know.” Crystal takes a sharp breath in. “How long have you liked me?”

Gigi swallows. Prays for the ground to swallow her up. But Crystal’s gaze is unwavering, and she has nowhere to run.

“Since the eighth grade,” Gigi admits. Crystal makes some kind of shocked noise, but Gigi plows on anyway. If she stops, she might never get the courage to say this again.

“You- you gave yourself a mullet in the school bathroom during Biology, remember? That was the first time I’d ever skipped a class. You were so confident about it. And I was-” Gigi interrupts herself with a bitter laugh. “-I knew that was it. I was so fucking gone.”

“Oh,” Crystal says. She blinks. “Oh.”

This is… Not how Gigi dreamed this would go, to say the least.

On the rare nights she stayed up at 2am listening to love songs and allowed herself to dream of maybe someday telling Crystal she liked her, “oh” was not what she imagined Crystal saying back. And Gigi isn’t a dreamer. She prides herself on thinking logically through her problems. She trusts her head more than her heart, and it’s no wonder, given the shit her heart has put her through.

So she isn’t expecting an elaborate profession of love, or a monologue out of Romeo and Juliet. Just something with a little more substance. Fuck, even Crystal freaking out and not wanting to ever talk to Gigi again would be better than “oh.” She just needs something.

“Crystal, I’m sorry, I-” Gigi says. She trails off when Crystal shows no sign of hearing her. Gigi pulls her jacket tighter around herself. “You should go in, it’s cold.”

Crystal doesn’t move. Gigi can’t quite make out Crystal’s features in the evening light. Her face has blended into shapes and shadows, blurring at the edges.

“Are you crying?” Crystal asks.

Oh. So that’s why everything’s gone fuzzy.

“No,” Gigi sniffles. She forces a strained smile, just barely managing to lift the corners of her mouth. Her throat feels swollen, and it hurts when she speaks. “I’m fine. Fuck, sorry. I don’t know why I said all that.”

“Gigi,” Crystal says. Her voice is gentle, like she’s talking to a toddler. “Do you regret saying it?”

This is it. Crystal is giving Gigi a chance to take back a shred of dignity, to salvage whatever is left of their friendship.

“I- no, I don’t,” Gigi says, and that chance is gone. She shoves her hands into her jacket pockets to hide the shaking, balling them into fists. The inner lining bunches up under her grip.

“Okay,” Crystal says. She shakes her head lightly, like she’s trying to clear it. “Okay then.”

Gigi kicks the grass underneath her feet. The lawn is wet, dewdrops wetting her ankles. There’s dirt between her toes and clinging to the bottom of her foot.

There’s a ping, and Crystal fishes her phone out of her pocket. The blue light of the screen lights up her face and she squints at it.

“My mom’s asking where I am,” She reports. “I should- uh, I should go in.”

“Right.” Gigi clears her throat to give herself something to do. “Yeah. Okay. Night, Crystal.”

“G’night,” Crystal echoes. She doesn’t move.

Gigi feels a fresh wave of tears burning against her eyelids. She tenses her tongue, pressing it against the roof of her mouth with surprising strength in a bid to keep them back. When that doesn’t work, she takes off.

Gigi turns, walking as fast as she can down the block, away from Crystal, until she’s full on running, fishing her car keys out of her pocket with shaking hands. Her blood is pounding in her ears, and she can’t see straight.

Everything looks like it’s being viewed through a fish-eye lens, all disfigured. She feels for the door handle blindly and wrenches it open, clumsily getting in.

There. Now she’s alone. Crystal can’t see her anymore.

Gigi grinds the heels of her palms into her eyes, struggling to catch her breath. Bile rises in her throat, and she gasps for air, trying to blink clarity into her vision. Gigi coughs, hands flailing randomly around for something to grip onto. Her elbow hits the horn and the sound just makes her head even dizzier, the ringing in her ears chaotic.

Fuck. Why did she have to go and admit her feelings to Crystal? Gigi should have just kept her mouth shut like she always did before. The tears are still coming hot and fast, and the stickiness on her cheeks just makes her even angrier. God, she’s pathetic.

A rapping on the window breaks up her pity party.

Gigi raises bleary eyes to the sound. To her horror, it’s Crystal on the other side of the glass, motioning impatiently for Gigi to roll down the window. Gigi sucks an unsteady breath in. It’s staccato and comes in short bursts, like she’s just run a mile. Panic claws at her insides, and Gigi sputters out a hysteric giggle.

She opens the window, fingers shaking against the button.

Gigi wants to spit out an excuse, explain away why she hasn’t driven away and is instead sitting in her car bawling her eyes out like some kind of loser, but she can barely catch her breath, much less form words in this state.

“Gigi, are you- are you okay?” Crystal asks anxiously. “You uh, you ran off before I could say anything else.”

Gigi makes some kind of miserable noise. Her finger is still on the button to roll down the window, even though it’s already all the way lowered, and her car beeps in protest.

“Look, I-” Crystal starts. She seems to do some kind of calculation, before blurting out the rest of the sentence. “I’m really sorry.”

Gigi’s drowning. There’s ice water in her veins, a chorus of I-told-you-so and you’ve-ruined-everything crashing against her skull. She pushes air out of her nose forcibly, something like a laugh but not quite.

“I was really scared, okay? And I still am. I’m still trying to figure all this out, liking girls and shit.” Crystal clears her throat, shifting nervously on her feet. “I thought you were, I don’t know, just interested in kissing me. Nothing more.”

A mean, petty part of Gigi wants to drive away right now, to not give Crystal the time to explain. But the softer part, the part that’s still stupidly heart-eyed for Crystal wants to stay. It wants to hug Crystal, pull her in and tell her it’s all fine.

Gigi digs her fingernails into her palm and ignores both of those thoughts.

Crystal is a big girl. Gigi’s not going to clean up her messes for her, especially not when they’ll just make the ache in her chest even more painful. She’s done that too much lately.

But Gigi does owe Crystal the chance to talk her feelings out. Especially given how she dumped all hers onto the girl earlier.

“I’m sorry for hurting you,” Crystal says. She gestures vaguely with her hands. “I didn’t mean to.”

Gigi opens her mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. Crystal reworks her words, stumbling over them.

“Or- or maybe I meant to, in this, like, fucked up way. I don’t know.”

Gigi blinks.

“Maybe I was trying to hurt you and push you away because I liked you, yeah?”

“Are you asking me if you like me?” Gigi murmurs, eyes trained expectantly on Crystal’s face. Nothing feels real. She taps her fingers against her thigh just to do something with her hands. “I can’t answer that for you, hun.”

Crystal seems to start at that.

She shakes it off with a slightly giddy giggle, more breath than sound. It sits in the distance between them, swirling. Gigi thinks if she raises her hand she might be able to capture it in her fist, unfurl her palm to see the sound glittering against her flesh.

“Right. Sorry, I don’t know how to, uh, do this good.” Crystal amends. She pulls a shaky breath and expels it again. “I- fuck, this looked easier in the movies.”

Gigi’s lips quirk slightly. Crystal doesn’t know if it’s in amusement or something else, but she takes it as a sign to keep going.

“I care about you a lot, Gigi.” Crystal makes like she’s going to grab Gigi’s hand but seems to think better of it, resting her arm on the trim seal instead. “Not- not just as a friend. I really, I don’t want to fuck our friendship up if I do something really stupid. This probably won’t work, you know?”

Gigi stares dumbly, huffing a breath. Crystal avoids her gaze, clicks her tongue once as if making a decision. It feels like an eternity has passed in silence before she fixes her gaze on Gigi’s face again, with so much intensity Gigi shivers.

“I would like to try, though?” Crystal says. Her voice cracks on the last word, and she runs a hand through her hair, twirling the strands between her fingers like she always does when she’s stressed.

“I’d- like that,” Gigi swallows, trying to keep the excited tremor out of her voice when she responds. Her words come out choppy and blunt. “If you’re sure.”

Crystal grabs her instead of answering.

Gigi hits her head on the car frame, and Crystal’s hands tangle into her hair. The kiss is clumsy, their foreheads knocking. She wouldn’t have it any other way.

Gigi is straining to lean out the window, the metal of the car door digging into her ribs. Crystal’s teeth sink into her lip and she hisses, pulls Crystal even closer against the cool steel in retaliation, trying to close the gap.

When they part, it’s only because Gigi needs to breathe. Her entire body is thrumming like it might combust.

“Do you- was that okay? For you?” Crystal asks sheepishly. She wipes the corners of her lips, cleaning up the smudges.

“Okay? Fuck, Crystal, I’ve been dreaming of that since forever,” Gigi admits, breathless. “Are you sure?”

“You keep saying that.” Crystal offers her a lopsided grin. “Don’t ask me again, I might chicken out.”

“Oh my god,” Gigi laughs, relief swimming in her gut. Adrenaline buzzes up her spine, making her dizzy. “Oh my god, you suck. Shut up.”

“Just get out of the car,” Crystal shakes her head, biting back a smile. She slaps the roof of the car. “I wanna kiss you some more.”

“Don’t have to tell me twice.”

Crystal scurries backwards so that Gigi has enough room to open the door, stepping out onto the sidewalk.

Under the artificial lights, Crystal looks messy, skin tinted yellow.

The lighting makes the pinks of her blush clownish and the dips of her contour into unforgiving brown streaks. Her foundation is cakey on her forehead from wearing it all night, mascara muddy around her eyes.

Gigi thinks this is the most beautiful she’s ever looked.

“Stay the night?” Crystal suggests.

“As long as you won’t ignore me in the morning.” Gigi teases, because she doesn’t trust herself not to accept the offer embarrassingly fast otherwise.

Crystal just rolls her eyes. “You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?”

“Nope,” Gigi says proudly. “Can I steal snacks from your pantry? I’m hungry.”

“Yeah, but that’s cause you were too busy glaring at me halfway across the room to eat at the party,” Crystal says.

Gigi just hums. Part of her is relieved at how normal this all is. Part of her knows she shouldn’t even be surprised. They’ve always been Crystal and Gigi, and a few kisses aren’t going to change that.

Her lungs feel like they’re full of glitter, and she taps Crystal’s chin, signaling for another kiss. Crystal’s tongue tastes like stale liquor and Gigi feels drunk off of it, the feeling of Crystal so close to her and knowing that Crystal won’t run this time. Knowing that Crystal is hers.

She’s been waiting five long years for this and regrets nothing.

“What’re you thinking about?” Crystal links her arm with Gigi’s easily, their shoulders bumping.

“Nothing,” Gigi answers simply. “This was a good start to summer.”

“Yeah,” Crystal agrees, in that way of hers where she doesn’t say much but says everything all at once. “It was.”

[themanicgalaxy]

SPN 5X3 Free to be You and Me

huh oh right they're split up

boy I'm curious to see what's gonna happen

huh open on Sam

like yes, protagonist, but

JESSICA

man she hasn't aged

boy it's nice she's remembered tho

poor Sam and the constant violation of his bodily autonomy

see it's shot like that one lucifer thing

Oh simple man, ok wow

O H CUT TO DEAN

I like this one

Great American Loneliness

Dean canonically knows about twilight

goDDAMN THIS IS GOOD THO

OH MY GOD SAME WAY OF DEALING WITH MUSIC AND THE RADIO OMG

Bedlund started it and they all just liked it so much

CAS!! CAS CAS CAS!!

WHEN DID THEY TALK ABOUT IT

SKSKS HE CALLED BOBBY

O H RAPHAEL

teenage mutant ninja angel

OHDFSAO OH MY GOD

“are you flirting with me” “I’m fucking trying to”

IT’S A TROPE IT’S LITERALLY A RELATIONSHIP TROPE

Cas and his complete sincerity vs. Dean and quips :)

K E I T H ?

o h world peace oof

Sam the Slightly Off kid is SO GOOD

CAS THATS NOT A PLAN

AW HE’S TELLING HIM HUMANS LIE AWWWW

HE FIXES HIS TIE

A W W W W W

the president quip also feels pointed at the times

cas *stares*

THE BADGE THING AWWWW

IT’S THE DEMONS- no no it’s not

aww their dynamic is so good I love it

actual humor just by virtue of people oh my god I love castiel

BOBBY YOU SARCASTIC FUCKER

I do like the dichotomy of like…Sam liked hunting the most but has to give it up(established in the office au) like he’s growing into it

he fucking LOOKS ethereal

“you do” jesus cas

“last night on earth” I’m going feral what the fuck was this

NO HE’S FLIRTING HE’S 100% FLIRTING

S H Y C A S

they’re so fucking funny oh my god I’m cackling

BERT AND ERNIE COMMENT W H Y WHAT WAS THE POINT W H Y

listen…I get it…but also…apocalypse

Sam b ru h

although to be entirely fair, he might be more of a liability

aw I like Lindsay although she’s gonna be…dead probably

CASTIEL OH MY G OD

THE GAY PANIC

HE HAS BLUESCREENED SO HARD

HE IS CHUGGING THE BEER

THE FEAR IN HIS FUCKING EYES OH MY G O D

THIS IS FUCKING HILARIOUS OH MY GOD

HE LOOKED HER DEAD IN THE EYE AND BROUGHT UP HER ABSENT FATHER AHAHA

oh we’ve got themes of world weary in one way vs naive in one way and also knowledgable of the Universe vs the whole GED thing that gets brought up in fic and AAA

“years” oh no Dean :(

I do like the wandering archetype for him actually tbh

Aw she’s three years sober

“come and get me you little bastard” damn I LOVE HIM

WHELP IT WORKED!

IMAGERY WAS SO COOL

Also Dean hunches over they’re about the same height now

he deflects so Cas is ok aw

THE COMPOSURE CRACK! THE COMPOSURE CRACK!!!!

“It was his idea” * B I T C H *

gOd iS dEaD anD we have kIllEd Him

ah there we got to the lindsay death :(

the ages old “what do when god is gone, would he let this happen”

oH VERY NICE ABANDONMENT ISSUES WITH DEAN

“just cuz shit’s fucked up doesn’t mean you make it more fucked up” VERY NICE

“godless universe” and yeah it be like that

post office sksks

ooo it being lucifer is a Nice Touch

it’s not true but still cool

MY LITTLE BITCH

WHAT HE SAID AHAHA

ah JEEZ HE GOT FORCEFED THE BLOOD N O

and he does hulk out but like…human hulk out

AW DEAN CHECKED ON CAS

MISSING FATHERSSSS AW

“you gotta do what you believe” AWW

“we’re not so different you and I” type beat AW

Dean being happy without Sam is Ouch but also

it’s different with not being responsible for someone

aw he’s happy

nO CAS COME BACK NOT THAT ALONE

PEOPLE CAN CHANGE IS IMPORTANT MESSAGE

Ah it’s luci

whelp that must have been violating

heh vessel bros

“and I’ll just bring you back” IS H O R R I F Y I N G, and worse, it’s set up

sincere villain is so interesting though damn

okok wrap:

1. straining against budget. listen it’s painfully clear that Supernatural wants to be more than it is. Like the fact that they burn through a lot of really popular songs(budget) at the beginning is like. there’s a vision, and it can’t be reached. Although in some cases that constraint ends up for the better(I think my fav example is Misha’s crazy hair), other times it ends up well. But the idea that it wants to be more than it is? I go Feral, I want to Eat Glass

No wonder this is like the Most Fanficced Show

2. simple man. I really liked the mirroring montage. They lean TOO heavily on the radio gag(have it be a tape, have it be SOMETHING else so it’s not the same thing two episodes in a row) but I thought it was a good time passing/show the dichotomy montage

actually speaking of

3. dichotomy!! like we know from the office ep/season 4 Sam is down to fight(always more like John, always more taken in by revenge and pain and power etc etc), and Dean has been reticent, wants a normal life, in both Yellow Fever and office ep, and they had to do the other things. And “Weirder” still, Dean is happy! like yeah Sam is Burdened, but Dean is happy to just…vibe for the first time in his life

ok see it’s different cuz a younger sibling is still responsibility, it isn’t technically equal, so Dean was never able to relax because John’s an absent father. the younger sibling thing

but their dichotomy here was very good, and I liked the simple man was highlighted. Once again, Sam being miserable in a normal life(like he always prolly would have been) but Dean finding himself way from his family.

3. Sam I REALLY liked the wandering archetype for Sam. Him actually going to figure shit out would be interesting, but they never actually have the time, or leave the time, for people to go through with it and it’s a shame! Weird Kid Sam would be so cool to see around in a story

also sidetone, but once you notice how little agency Sam has like…ever…like wow, this kid never had a choice thanks to destiny, and that SUCKS

slowly getting more on the Sam Hype Train tbh

4. Cas listen. Not only is Cas’s grapple with his absent father cool, he’s genuinely funny to be around! Like him and Dean have a fucking fantastic dynamic, he Acts Different than Humans(thanks Misha Collins holy hell) so it’s incredibly clear something’s off and it’s just

like it’s so good to have a character like that, he’s just so cool.

Also…Dean was flirting. that was flirting. THAT WAS LITERALL-

WHY BRING UP BERT AND ERNIE LIKE THAT UNPROMPTED

THE CONSTANT LOOKING AT HIM

See I thought people were exagerrating! Like even Merlin I can kinda see what they were going for sometimes!

WHAT WAS THIS!? IT WAS SO CLEAR OH MY GOD

5. absent fathers. Ok listen. Dean sympathizing with Cas because of trying to find an absent father(ties into the beginning of the show, dad’s on a hunting trip etc) and giving him hope to find him is SO CUTE! Like Dean giving Cas hope because of similar situations! Cas letting Dean finally relax! GOOD

Also I mentioned it, but their dichotomy of like…I think streetsmarts(Dean) and booksmarts(Ig universesmarts tho, he knows a lot of Weird Things) IS SO INTERESTING and COOL and AHH

ALLONS Y

[shemakesmusic-uk]

After releasing their album Play With Fire last year via Suicide Squeeze Records, Californian punk trio L.A. Witch are sharing a new video for their standout track 'Motorcycle Boy'. Speaking about the video, L.A. Witch singer and guitarist Sade Sanchez said "The song is inspired by Moto Boys like Mickey Rourke, Marlon Brando, and Steve McQueen, so of course we took a lot of inspiration from our favorite biker movies like The Wild One, Rumble Fish, On any Sunday, Easy Rider, Hells Angeles '69 and The Girl on a Motorcycle. I had worked with (director) Ambar Navarro and Max on another project and loved their other work, so we wanted to work with them on this. They definitely did their homework and came up with a cool story line. I got to feature my bike that I'd been rebuilding during the pandemic. It was nice to shoot a video where you get to do two of your favorite things, riding motorcycles and play guitar."

Margo Price has shared a new music video for 'Hey Child', said to be the heart and “centerpiece” of her acclaimed 2020 album That’s How Rumors Get Started. It’s directed by Kimberly Stuckwisch. In the moving visual, the country star confronts the demons of her past. There are scenes referencing the time she spent in jail for substance abuse, as well as others depicting her struggles with addiction and depression. Price’s vulnerability is on full display here, and she ultimately uses it to heal and find strength again. Watch it down below. According to Price, 'Hey Child' was originally written back in 2012 “not long after my husband Jeremy and I lost our son Ezra.” She continued, noting how fellow country star and album producer Sturgill Simpson helped encourage her to release it: “'Hey Child' was a song that was written back in 2012 not long after my husband Jeremy and I lost our son Ezra. We were playing shows with our rock and roll band Buffalo Clover and occupying most of the bars in East Nashville. We had begun hanging with a rowdy group of degenerate musician friends and partying harder than The Rolling Stones…The song was about how many of our talented friends were drinking and partying their talents away but after a few years had passed, we realized it was just as much about us as our friends. I had retired it when the band broke up but Sturgill Simpson resurrected it when he asked me if I would re-record it for That’s How Rumors Get Started.” [via Consequence of Sound]

NYC collective MICHELLE has today unveiled their first new single of 2021. Titled 'FYO,' the track powerfully recounts the four lead singers’ experiences growing up with mixed race identities. The track arrives alongside a music video directed by the band’s own Layla Ku and Emma Lee. Speaking on the message behind the song, Jamee Lockard from the band shares: “'FYO' is about belonging to different worlds but feeling rejected by both. Growing up as a mixed-race minority in the US, my self concept was warped by other people telling me what I am and am not, pushing and pulling me between identities. Although my feelings of cultural dissonance still ebb and flow, now I have the vocabulary, support system, and perspective to unpack that inner conflict on my own terms. We should never give others the authority to define who we are."

With her new album Homecoming set for release on April 2 via Daemon T.V., Du Blonde is sharing the video for ‘Medicated’. Featuring Garbage’s Shirley Manson, Du Blonde says of the song, “‘Medicated’ is a letter to my 27 year old self who didn’t want to live anymore, from my now medicated, functioning and content self. It might sound depressing or concerning, but really it’s quite joyful. Like ‘look at how things can be if you hang around’. Shirley and I had talked about her adding vocals to a track and when I wrote Medicated it seemed like the perfect fit. She’s been a voice of reason for me many times when i’ve been struggling and it felt really appropriate to have her. I shot the video in my childhood bedroom using a green screen Girl Ray gave me at the start of lockdown,” she continues. “The spiders are a reference to a hallucination I had in my early teens where I pulled back my bed covers to see thousands of spiders writhing around in my bed, which now I see as a result of extreme anxiety. A lot of the scenarios in the video are a celebration of the things about me that I feel people might feel shame about. There’s so much stigma around taking medication in order to ease mental health conditions, so I wanted to express my feelings on the subject which is basically ‘I take medication and i’m stoked about it because thanks to that i’m still alive’.” [via DIY]

Back with her powerful Y2K sound, Spain's Rakky Ripper channels PC Music and Rina Sawayama on brightly catchy new single 'Whatever'. The new EP Xtra Cost is released  February 19. If you are over the age of 25, odds are that you can recall a very specific kind of pop that graced our launch into the new millennium. Since coined as "Y2K", chart music of that short era was flush with R&B beats, synthetic arrangements and sickly sweet hooks. Britney was the industry’s honey-highlighted princess whilst Christina made it dirrty. It’s something that Rina Sawayama has made 2020-relevant again with the release of her debut album Sawayama, whilst PC Music and Charli XCX took it to another extreme with the redefinition of what it means to be pop. Meanwhile, over in Spain, the alt-pop scene is flourishing courtesy of artists such as Rakky Ripper and her own unique blend of Y2K-meets-hyper-pop. Already gaining Charli XCX approval when the Mercury Award nominee asked Rakky to join her onstage at her Madrid show, the Granada talent shows crossover potential with her new single 'Whatever'. Punchy beats and playful synths capture the sticky heat of pop done well whilst its fuzzy guitar gives it an alternative edge, however it’s its hook-riddled chorus and Rakky’s Spanglish lyrical mix that make 'Whatever' a standout moment. “‘Whatever’ is the pop girl in my new EP Xtra Cost,” shares Rakky of her new release. “It’s my 2021 version of Britney, *NSYNC and the Spice Girls. The new video tells the story about two people who are in love but one of them pretends not to care, so the other person is always chasing.” [via Line Of Best Fit]

Things are afoot in the FKA twigs camp. In October, the R&B star revealed that her third album had been completed during quarantine. Now, she’s back with a new song called 'Don’t Judge Me'. It's her first since dropping the masterful album MAGDALENE in 2019. In addition to a stunning performance from FKA twigs, the track features UK rapper Headie One and producer Fred again…, who’s worked with the likes of Ed Sheeran and Brian Eno. 'Don’t Judge Me' appears to be something of a companion release or sequel to 'Don’t Judge Me (Interlude)', an early 2020 collaboration that also featured all three artists. Unlike the intentional vagueness of that song, the themes on this version are a lot more direct. During her verse and the hook, twigs begs her lover to hold her and appreciate the “precious love” she sends their way with a devastating urgency. Headie One takes a different approach in his verse and goes off about racial injustice and police brutality. “Know more about my people from the streets than from my teachers/ I done a million speeches/ No justice, no peace, ’cause we in pieces/ Officer, am I allowed to breathe here?,” he raps with a conversational directness. It’s a really powerful pairing from two different yet complementary artists with voices that demand the listener’s full attention. Check it out above via a dazzling video co-directed by FKA twigs and Emmanuel Adjei, who was heavily involved in Beyonce’s Black Is King visual album. Like all of FKA twigs’ clips, this one is truly something to behold. [via Consequence of Sound]

Girl Friday have delivered a surrealistic visual for 'Earthquake,' the powerhouse lead single from Androgynous Mary, their acclaimed album of 2020 out now on Hardly Art. 'Earthquake' is one of the band's most gloriously raging moments and sees the group power through three and a half minutes of unadulterated catharsis. Girl Friday’s Vera Ellen, who directed the new video, offers this, “The greatest love story is between a song and a video. I wanted to deconstruct the creative process. How do ideas find each other? What happens when the artist lets outside forces get in the way of an idea? How is an idea affected by us, the audience and our expectations? What does an idea have to do to become it’s complete, purest, self. Beyond anything, it’s a story of fighting for true liberation. This will look different for everyone but I hope people can project their own struggle onto the story, and relish in the freedom experienced by the characters (if only for a moment)."

J-Pop girl-group, FAKY has released their first single of 2021, 'The Light' with an accompanying music video. This song was selected as a campaign song for the horror film Jukaimura (Suicide Forest Village), the most recent work by the master horror director, Takashi Shimizu, who also directed The Ju-on (The Grudge) and Inunakimura (Howling Village). This up-tempo and cheerful track was created to add another layer of eerieness and uncertainty to the hair-raising storyline and themes of the movie. 2020 was a successful year for the girl group. FAKY hopes to further their success in 2021 starting with the release of 'The Light'. “Our new single ‘The Light’ is an uplifting song with its pop melody, powerful live band sound, and motivating message to move forward towards the light” - FAKY. The music was composed by up-and-coming music producer, Maeshima Soshi (Hypnosis Mic, Hey! Say! JUMP, Rinne and Sorane). 'The Light' expresses that moment when your heart quivers, just when you are about to change, with the theme being about overcoming conflict and having “power to strike out into the world.”

Kinlaw's dark-pop quest has seen her shatter boundaries. Snapped up by Bayonet Records, her piercing, roving eye deconstructs her personal feelings, illuminating electronic structures in their stead. New album The Tipping Scale is out this month, and it expertly reflects the vagaries of winter, the spartan landscapes and the self-examination. Taken from the record, new single 'Haircut' deals with shifts in her life, with the urge to propel herself into something fresh. "I cut my hair to confuse myself," she comments. "It started as a mission to change who I was, to make a new and better version, but ended with my feeling like I no longer knew what I was mourning." A song about leaving trauma behind and embracing the possibilities of the present, 'Haircut' carries some inspired connotations for these troubled times. Kinlaw says the single offers "a question of personal power, and even speaking on this song today has been challenging because it was written when I was unsure if I had any power left. I think 'Haircut' can be a lot of things to many different people, particularly those who identify with the juxtaposition of in-depth, internal dialogue paired with everyday coping strategies. There is a sweetness to it, but also such substantial, unwavering difficulty. Today, I prefer to think of 'Haircut' as an anthem of resilience and an ode to the ways we keep going, we shapeshift, and we reinstall that there is a way to find what it is we are hoping to find." The visual leans on the intimate, opening up a window into Kinlaw's life, and her true feelings. [via Clash]

The Rhode Island born,  Los Angeles based singer, songwriter, musician and actress Emeline is known for her work with Thievery Corporation's Rob Garza as well as her solo music full of biting lyrics and catchy hooks. Her new music video for '6 Foot Deep' was filmed at the infamous Westerfeld Mansion a.k.a “House of Legends.” Icons like Jimi Hendrix and Janis Joplin have lived there, as well as the founder of the Church of Satan. Covered in satanic etchings and scratches from his pet lions, the energy within the house added to the feel of the music video. Also previously used for the Russian Embassy, the house has featured on "Ghost Hunters" for it's haunted happenings.

The Charli XCX-crafted Nasty Cherry have returned with their first single of the year, 'Lucky'. The new track follows last year's Season 2 EP, and arrives as first taster of a new EP landing this spring. The band say of their new single, "'Lucky' is a song we wrote for each other during the pandemic where the six weeks we got to spend together felt incredibly precious and introspective. It's a reflective, sweet and spiky little song." [via Line Of Best Fit]

Griff has premiered the video for her incredible new single ‘Black Hole’. Launched as Annie Mac’s Hottest Record in the World last week, the striking new visual sees Griff examine a past relationship through a surreal, Alice in Wonderland’-esque journey from the sewing room into self-discovery (directed by duo SOB). [via With Guitars]

Poppy Ajudha has shared her new single 'Weakness' in full. The London based artist blends together jazz, soul, R&B, and a whole lot more besides, resulting in a sound that is truly her own. 'Weakness' is a song about love, and it finds Poppy capturing that nuanced dichotomy between the rush of pleasure and an innate fear of being out of control. In a note, Poppy explains that her new single is "about feeling out of control and at the mercy of someone else because of how crazy they make you feel, but also feeling bittersweet about it, because you’re a bad b*tch and you don’t have time for that ish." The songwriter steered the video, too, a self-admitted "control freak" who oversaw the neat mixture of animation and a superbly styled set. "Self-directing was really fun," she comments. "I’m a control freak so it was great to get stuck into all the facets of making a music video. Choosing the team, the makeup looks, directing the styling ideas, writing the narrative, working out how to build the set. It definitely felt like a challenge to direct, star-in and perform choreographed moves for the first time but I love to push myself and am really glad I did." [via Clash]

GG McG’s latest single, ‘Good Morning’, is her first release this year and second overall, following ‘Boom’ in 2019. The song was written on GarageBand during lockdown and was produced by Japanese Wallpaper’s Gab Strum, mixed by Konstantin Kersting and mastered by Andrei Eremin. “‘Good Morning’ is about the total, complete chaos of the past year and the feeling of waking up every morning, reading the news and being blown away by just how much worse things were than the day before,” McGauran said in a statement. [via the Music Network]

Singer HyunA dropped her seventh mini album I’m Not Cool on Thursday, singing of the ups and downs of being the “cool girl” on stage. The album’s title song 'I’m Not Cool' sings about the nice things she tells herself. “It’s really about my originality. I try to compliment myself before going onto the stage. I tell myself it’s not bad to be myself. I’ve long dreamed of this moment right now, and I feel like I’m a bird flying freely in the sky or a flower blooming in the field. I know I cannot be loved by everyone, but I become perfect with just one person’s love. The song is about these kind of every day thoughts.” Donned in exotic outfits and flashy makeup, HyunA said she “became a snake” in the song that sings “No one’s as intense as I am, like salmosa. I tried to show as much of myself as I could in the music video. I wanted to show how intense the ‘not cool’ HyunA could become when fully set,” she added. The creativity behind the title track comes from the unique minds of herself, singer and the founder of her agency P Nation Psy, and her best colleague and boyfriend Dawn. “We worked on the song while just chatting about it endlessly with each other,” HyunA said. “When Psy threw in a big catchy chunk, Dawn would creatively unfold this, adding fun elements to make it fit my style and state of mind. I personally like writing those rebellious lines. Mingling these three minds together, every day, was just so much fun.” [via The Korea Herald]

THYLA are sharing their first new music of 2021, with new single 'Breathe', a track that the band confirm will appear on their long-awaited debut album, set for release later this year. Putting 2020 firmly in the rear-view mirror, the Thyla ethos of putting one foot in front of the other serves them well as they look toward what a long-awaited debut album might sound like. As self-confessed underdogs they've developed an attitude that aims at turning the possible into the inevitable, and with the hypnotic 'Breathe' they reach for reflective, melancholy sounds to accompany what is a time of intense loneliness for many. It is a theme that has been creeping into Thyla's music for some time, and 'Breathe' sees them further explore the idea that, in a world more connected than ever, we are paradoxically more shut off as individuals. 'Breathe' shows yet again that even at their subtlest, Thyla are capable of carving out an impassioned pop world full of the intricacies of our much-missed IRL interactions. Lead singer Millie Duthie offers these thoughts on the track: "'Breathe' was written in the early hours of the morning. Eventually we chanced upon this really vibey atmospheric lick that you hear in the intro, and the whole song grew from there. The song blossomed into a slightly melancholic dream-pop bop, it’s bittersweet and has a slightly inconclusive feeling to it; imagine a film where the main character never actually gets the happy ending you’ve been so long yearning for. The result of how the instrumental sounded no doubt manifested lyrics that held the same sentiment. The song is about loneliness, estrangement from family and close friends, yet despite this, feeling a sense of inner strength about the situation. It’s like recovering from a breakup and realising you’ve come out stronger, but a reflection of the scar tissue that resulted from the trauma."

[kirishwima]

Hey! Can you do Valentine's day with Jumin x MC, except this time is she who had to work that day? She comes home and finds Jumin sleeping in the middle of all the surprises he prepared for her, pretty please? Thanks!!!

Sure, this is such a cute idea! I took a bit of liberty and went with an MC that’s working as a doctor because well, I’m a little biased ;u; hope that’s okay!

* The night before 14th of February, MC was lounging on the couch with Jumin, content to simply sit besides him and lay her head on his shoulder, Elizabeth the 3d taking her rightful place on his lap. 

* He had one hand around MCs’ shoulders, rubbing soothing circles on her skin, his other hand stroking Elizabeth’s fur. The ideal night, if you asked him.

* “My love” he started, turning to place a quick kiss to MCs temple, “You’ll be home tomorrow night yes?”

* MC hummed, a teasing smile on her lips “Hmm...why, is there something important going on tomorrow?” she teased, giggling at the sudden frown on Jumin’s lips, the furrow in his brow his tell-tale sign of confusion.

* “Of course I’ll be free tomorrow Juju” she smiled, giving him a peck on the lips, “I’ll be working until evening, and I only have a couple surgeries scedhuled in the morning, so I’ll be home to celebrate our first Valentine’s together with you.”

* Jumin hummed in content, a small smile on his lips. Of course MC knew her husband would’ve a grand plan for their first Valentine’s day together, and she was eager to find out what it’d be-but even more so, she was eager to give him his present, a box skillfully hidden in the back of the closet for a while now.

* Happy with their plan, they both greeted the morning of the 14th with glee, Jumin singing a song under his breath as he got ready for work, MC hiding her smile behind her mug of coffee at the sight. 

* They both tried to travel to their works together whenever possible, and today was no exception-Jumin sat with MC in the backseat, bidding Driver Kim a good morning as they entered the car, their fingers intertwined. MC tried to sneak some hints about tonights plans from Jumin, but to no avail-his lips were sealed shut, and he’d only give her a knowing grin whenever she asked.

* She even tried asking the rest of the RFA if they knew anything, bribing Seven with photos of Elizabeth the 3d-but as much as he’d begged for the photos, he genially knew nothing either, so MC was left to pout, folding her arms over her chest.

* Jumin laughed at her adorable gesture, kissing her as they reached her workplace. “You’ll find out tonight my love, and I promise you’ll be happy” he promised, bidding her goodbye as she exited the car to enter the hospital doors. 

* Jumin was cheerful all through the day-which freaked Zen out, as he of course broadcasted his excitement for the day in the RFA messenger, posting significantly more emojis than usual.

* By 6 o’clock, he’d already finished all the work he had for the day, telling Jaehee she could take the day off too before heading out of the C&R building and rushing to get back home (Cue Jaehee dashing out of the building before he changed his mind, shocked she might actually get a full 8 hours of sleep tonight lmao)

* By 7 o’clock, he had everything said-a specific menu he asked the chef to start preparing the moment MC stepped home, reservations to a late night screening for a movie he saw MC gushing about in the messenger, a dozen gifts adorning their bed so she could open them after the movie, bouquets of her favorite flowers in every part of the house-he had everything set, along with his final gift, his big surprise that awaited them on the buildings terrace. 

* Now all that was left was for MC to come home. He knew her job was demanding, and didn’t think much about her not being home yet, even though he was a little upset she hadn’t contacted him at all throughout the day. He was patient however, content to take this time to freshen up for their night, finding his best suit and putting on the cologne he knew MC loved on him.

* The final rays of sunshine were already leaving the sky, the pink hues giving way to darkness, and Jumin still awaited, a glass of wine in one hand, the other anxiously running through his hair.

* By 10pm he was terrified, all his calls to MC left unanswered. There was a gnawing worry building up in the pits of his gut, rising up like smoke all the way to his lungs, getting lodged in his throat-a million bad scenarios ran through his head like a nonstop cinema film, making him pace around the penthouse with furstration.

* Eventually he caved in and called the hospital, stating who he is and asking if MC was there, if she was okay-the secretary asked him to hold for a moment, the longest one in Jumin’s life, before telling him she’d connect him to the OR’s phone.

* He waited, confused as to why she’d do that, when a famiilar voice, the one he loved filled his ears.

* “Jumin, baby I’m so sorry!” 

* MC’s voice was loud and frantic, yet it brought such relief to Jumin, simply to know that she’s alright, that she’s safe.

* “I was going to call you but I didn’t have the time to-we had an emergency come in, a multiple cars accident, with so many patients needing surgery and there weren’t enough people in the hospital since so many got the day off and-I offered to help but I should’ve contacted you I’m so sorry-”

* “Darling, it’s okay. It’s okay I’m-” Jumin sighed, sinking down on the couch, his legs suddenly weak, “I’m just glad you’re alright. Of course I’d want you to be right here next to me right now, but I know that you’d never rest unless you offered help to those that needed it. It’s okay just-come home soon. I miss you.”

* His brow furrowed when he heard a commotion on the other line, even a few giggles and whistles as MC shushed them.

* “J-Jumin, baby...I’m still in the operation room, the phone’s on speaker.”

* He felt his face redden, but couldn’t bring himself to be entirely flustered over this situation-at least now everyone in that room knew MC was his and his alone.

* “Well...just come home soon my love. I’ll be waiting for you.” he said before hanging up, enjoying MC’s flustered sigh as he did.

* With his mind at peace, he sank further on the couch, his heart beat slowing from its previously frantic race, his muscles unclenching, his eyelids dropping-it’d be alright if he closed his eyes for a moment right? MC wouldn’t be home for another hour at least....just for a moment....

* He woke to the sound of the door closing, his eyes snapping open. He looked around, bleary eyed as he turned to the clock on the wall, noticing it’s nearing midnight.

* MC tiptoed near him, holding her shoes in one hand, surprised to see him up.

* “Baby, no..” she sighed, coming to stand before Jumin, cusping his cheek in her hand. “Why didn’t you go to bed? You must be exhausted.”

* Jumin nuzzled his face in her hand, placing a kiss to the pulse point on her wrist. “I said I’d wait up for you, and I’m a man of my word” he huffed, “besides, our bed is covered in-” he halted that thought, noticing MC’s confused expression. 

* “Well, nevermind that” he sat up, tugging MC onto his lap, “I’m just glad you’re here.”

* She kissed him, running her hands through his hair, massaging his scalp as he hummed in appreciation. “I’m sorry I made you wait so long. I should’ve contacted you first at least. I completely ruined our first Valentine’s didn’t I?” she said, an ironic smile on her lips. 

* Jumin simply shook his head. “Never” he said whole-heartedly, “Just you being here in my arms makes me the happiest man alive. However, I’d like to show you something, before allowing you to rest from your tiring day. Is that okay?”

* MC nodded and Jumin sat up, holding her hand tight in his as he led her out of the penthouse and up the stairs to the terrace, opening the doors to the gardens, illuminated only by strings upon strings of fairy lights, making the flowers around them glow other-worldly. He led her all the way to the edge of the terrace, the view of the entire city beneath them, few buildings as tall as this giving them a perfect view of the night sky.

* Jumin checked his watch with a smile, bringing his arms around MC to warm her up from the winter air, resting his chin on the crown of her head. “You arrived home just in time darling. Please look to the sky...now” he said, and his final word coincided with a loud boom, before an explosion of colourful lights highlighted them both, filling the night sky with colour.

* “Fireworks!” MC beamed, looking to the sky with bright eyes. “Jumin did you-” she took note of the pink and red colours of the fireworks, how some formed hearts before sprinkling into coloured dust, “did you plan this?!”

* Jumin kissed the crown of her head, his hands tighter around her frame. “Of course”, he admitted, “It was to be the grand finale of the night, a sky full of love just for you but well, it’ll be the starting point of our night instead.”

* MC turned, ignoring the fireworks for a moment to lean up and properly kiss her husband, laughing between kisses. “You are absolotuely ridiculous, a wonderful, beautiful loving goof. I’d be happy with just you, like this, nothing else at all was necessary.”

* Jumin smiled into the kiss. “I promised you I’d make you happy, and as I said-I never go back on my word.”

* MC rolled her eyes, biting her cheek as she moved to hold Jumin’s hand in hers. “Speaking of happy...I also have a gift for you, and I refuse to end the night before giving it to you.”

* Jumin let her tug him back to the penthouse and into the bedroom, stopping for a moment to register all the gifts scattered on the bed, rolling her eyes with exasperated fondness as she turned to open the closet and dig the hefty box out and into Jumin’s hands.

* “It’s um, it’s a couple of things-definitely not on the same level as all of this” she said nodding to the bed-turned-Toys-R-Us, “but I hope you’ll like them nontheless.”

* Ignoring his protests of “but I’d love anything you give me”, she led him to the couch and sat cross-legged across him as he opened the box, bringing out the gifts one by one.

* They were all things that made her think of him, or things she heard him mention he’d wanted-a vintage edition of the necromicon, an introductory book of witchcraft and its history, a delicate glass lamp that when turned on would illuminate star alignments onto the walls and ceeling-items and trinkets that Jumin equally showed excitement and love towards, kissing MC as thanks for each one. And then, at the bottom of the box-a flyer for a local animal shelter.

* “I know how much you love Elizabeth the 3d” MC started to explain, fiddling with her hands in worry, “and-I love her too! I adore her, but I gave some thought to the circumstances of how we met, how you felt towards Elizabeth and-I thought maybe you’d like us to adopt a little kitty brother or sister for her to play with, together. An addition to our family that you can learn to love just as much as Elizabeth and-” she blushed at that, “-and me.”

* Jumin didn’t say anything. Instead he let the flyer down onto the table gently, leaning forward to take MC into a tight embrace.

* He couldn’t wait to make their little family just a little bigger.

* “Happy Valentines Day, my love.”

I went a little overboard with this hahah sorry ^^’

-send me mystic messenger headcanons/prompts for the characters to react to!-

[amphtaminedreams]

Filling the Met Shaped Hole (No, Not Like That): The Best Red Carpet Looks of Awards Season 2020

Hi to anyone reading,

I want to jump straight into things and ask a question. Which is the best Met Gala theme of the last 5 years and why is it Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination?

Seriously though, despite the fact that I’m not sure anything will top Heavenly Bodies with the preceding and succeeding Met Galas being relatively disappointing (the camp theme definitely could have been taken further and lets not even talk about the Comme Des Garcons disaster), I still get excited for the gala every year, staying up til whatever hour of the morning so I can see all the fashion live. Of course, it makes complete sense that this year’s event has been postponed until October given the circumstances but the chosen theme of Fashion and Duration had the potential to be quite interesting, so I hope we do eventually get to see it; whilst I don’t miss endlessly scrolling through photos of every white male celebrity wearing the exact same suit and tie to the point where fangirls claim Harry Styles to be a pioneer of breaking gender norms because he wore a pink top, I long for the days where we could all temporarily coexist in peace and harmony thanks to the internet’s collective dragging of the Kardashians for paying no attention to the theme whatsoever. We should’ve guessed life as we know it was about to be flipped on its head when they actually turned up in something interesting last year.

What I’m trying to say is that I would love nothing more than to jump back in time to when tomorrow morning’s top Google search would be best Met Gala looks, and not how many lives did Boris Johnson’s fuckery cost us today. So in honour of the lack of trivial content, I thought I’d fill the Met shaped hole in our lives (amongst many other unfilled holes; today the freezer door at work hit me on the ass whilst I was putting ice cubes out and I think for a split second I got all flushed) by putting together a collection of my personal favourite red carpet looks from this year’s awards season and their respective afterparties: the BAFTAs, Brits, Critic’s Choice Awards, Golden Globes, Oscars, SAG Awards, and the Grammys to finish with.

Enjoy!

British Academy of Film and Television Arts Award (yes, that’s the BAFTAs but I needed a longer title)

(L-R: Zoe Kravitz in Dior, Rooney Mara in Givenchy, and Scarlett Johansson in Versace)

I am a British fan of television and arts but I will gladly say it: of all the awards ceremonies, the BAFTAs is hardly the most exciting, and the red carpet even less so. As I said, lots of boring men in boring suits and middle aged women being dressed by stylists who seem to think we’re dead from the neck down by the time we hit 40 and dress us accordingly so. Any hint of a décolletage explicitly forbidden.

There were a few good looks, however. From left to right, above we have Zoe Kravitz in Dior, Rooney Mara in Givenchy and Scarlett Johansson in Versace, who looks so amazing I almost forget that 1). Versace is going down the drain and 2). Scarlett Johansson would stand in front of a forest and take the role of a tree if she could. Which, along with her whole defence of Woody Allen, is really shit-she’s genuinely great in Marriage Story and an otherwise talented actress. As for Zoe Kravitz, she is up there with Robert Pattison as one of my biggest crushes right now and looks amazing in literally everything she wears, and Rooney Mara is consistently low-key yet elegantly dressed. 

(L-R: Greta Gerwig in Gucci, Florence Pugh in Dries Van Noten, Renee Zellweger in Prada)

Renee Zellweger proved an exception to the rule when it came to women over the age of 40 generally having clueless stylists-her dress is beautiful, very reminiscent of the delicate, demure beauty of 50s icons such as Grace Kelly and Audrey Hepburn. Florence’s dress, I actually really loved. It didn’t seem to go down all too well with actual Florence Pugh fans but red and pink together is an elite combo; I’m still firmly on the “surprised that it works but I’m into it” train. I mainly included Greta’s dress for the green velvet, to be honest; it’s disappointingly low-key for Gucci but nice enough all the same.

(L-R: Andrew Scott in Paul Smith, Charlize Theron in Dior, Daisy Ridley in Oscar de la Renta, and Emilia Clarke in Schiaparelli)

I was particularly excited to see Emilia Clarke in Schiaparelli-yes, I adore her because she played Daenerys Targaryen and I was ride or die for that bitch but also whenever I see her interviewed she has the most exuberant energy and honestly I want to be best friends. It’s not the most interesting dress Schiaparelli has ever put out there, but I like the fact that she went for something unique all the same.

Forest green is a colour I find hard to resist which is why I included Andrew Scott’s otherwise kinda basic suit (points for it being velvet) and Daisy Ridley in Oscar de la Renta. As elegant as the dress is, I would love for her stylist to have really leaned into the forest nymph vibes I’m getting and do something a bit less uptight with the hair and makeup; like imagine loose curls with tiny braids and hair rings and a dark lip and a slight smoke around the eye and...yes, I have very specific visions, I know. As for Charlize Theron, her work with Dior is the only reason I care about the brand; there’s definitely a case to be made here for giving Maria Grazia the benefit of the doubt, assuming that she tries all the prototypes on women who look like Charlize and that that’s why she’s happy to send dresses that are otherwise relatively underwhelming down the runway. 

The Brit Awards

(L-R: Charli XCX in Fendi, Ellie Goulding in Koche, Hailee Steinfeld in Fendi, and Harry Styles in Gucci)

In my opinion a much better reflection of quintessential British style than the BAFTAs, I originally ruled out including any music award ceremony red carpets in this post until I saw Maya Jama and Charli XCX’s looks. Consider me pleasantly surprised by Hailee Steinfeld’s cobalt blue burnout dress, a classic incarnation of the regal bohemian aesthetic Fendi channelled in their 2019 haute couture show. Plus Charli’s emo take on Glinda the Good Witch is also Fendi, driving home for me just how much I love their collections. I don’t know if I’d be sure about Ellie Goulding’s dress on the rack but the simple styling makes it work and she looks gorgeous, and Harry Styles looks just as pretty in a Gucci look that is MADE for him.

(L-R: Adwoah Aboah in Vivienne Westwood, Celeste in Gucci on the far right! I’m not sure who the guy in the middle is, I’m sorry and if anybody knows drop me a message and I will correct this immediately!)

Unfortunately, Harry Styles and Celeste didn’t get to pose together because this is really a perfect his and hers Gucci look; I feel like seeing one outfit next to the other would really highlight the quirky elegance of each. That being said, it feels criminal to talk about elegance without including Adwoah Aboah in Vivienne Westwood in the sentence; the dress is obviously stunning quality on its own merit, but Adwoah is what elevates it from unremarkable to ethereal. Fuck the weird ass knight figure that’s currently on top of the Brit Award, this woman is the definition of statuesque! Put her on top of the trophy you cowards!

And just to get it out of the way, when it comes to the guy in the middle, to quote Keke Palmer:

Sorry to this man.

Honestly, I saved all the red carpet photos from a Nylon (I think it was Nylon?) article back when the awards aired and towards the end of the photos they stopped including names-this happened a few times when I was looking through red carpet galleries. I reverse image searched where I could but not every photo turned anything up. If anyone does know who this man is, message me so I can include his name. He looks sick, and as far as suits go, this one is built upon and accessorised enough that it’s actually a look rather than the same old variation of a suit we’ve seen a million times before that may as well be the straight man’s designated red carpet uniform. 

(L-R: Maya Jama, Neh Neh Cherry in Bottega Veneta, Laura Whitmore)

And now the woman that forced me to include the Brits red carpet in this post in the first place: Maya Jama. Don’t get me wrong, my mind isn’t blown by this dress on its own, I probably prefer Laura Whitmore’s (Jaded do a similar newspaper dress and I’ve resisted adding it to my basket for 6 months now, this is the ultimate test of whether or not I finally cave), but Maya looks fucking MAGNIFICENT. The fit, the gloves, the confidence with which she carries it, it’s all SO good. Considering the timing, this is basically her Princess Diana revenge dress levelled up, 2020′s Jessica Rabbit moment. 

(L-R: Maya Jama, Ellie Goulding, Kendall Jenner)

Obviously anything is gonna be a step down from the red carpet look but Maya’s Brits afterparty outfit was cute too, if a tad Pretty Little Thing. 

Don’t ask me what Kendall Jenner was doing at the Brits afterparty btw, because I have no idea. We live in a world where the Kardashian-Jenners just seem to occupy every public space possible and I’ve begrudgingly accepted it at this point. I don’t have the energy to question it-and it helps that green catsuit is actually Very Cool™. 

For the last of my favourite Brit Awards looks, we have a few more afterparty photos-from left to right we have Charli XCX again, Lizzo, and Anne Marie. It was Charli posting her dress on Instagram that sent me searching for afterparty looks in the first place; apparently wearing nothing but feathers and crystals is something that appeals to me, and the more I read that statement, the more it sounds spot-on. I’d categorise it as gothic glamour hoe, and slot it in with the rest of the night-out clothes in my wardrobe that I think I’ll finally have the balls to wear out of sheer desperation once this lockdown is over. The Blossom to Charli XCX’s Buttercup here, we’ve also got Anne Marie looking extra AF and I loveeeee it; it’s an ensemble somewhere between a high-end version of Alaska Thunderfuck’s candyfloss Sugar Ball dress from season 5 of Drag Race (Alaska DID deserve to win AS2 nation, rise up) and a low-key version of a Katy Perry California Dreams Tour costume. I don’t call it low-key as a drag, just a regretful admission of the fact that maybe wearing a cupcake bra which squirts whipped cream out of the boobs is a bit too much for most of us. 

Critic’s Choice Awards

(L-R: Alison Brie in Brandon Maxwell, Chloe Bridges in Azeeza, Cynthia Erivo in Fendi, Florence Pugh in Prada)

I was going to say the Critic’s Choice Awards is kind of America’s version of the BAFTAs but then I remembered that the BAFTAs is really the only big TV and film awards ceremony we have here in the UK and that it’s kind of sad that I have to compare our most high-profile red carpet of the year to L.A’s most low-key one. Getting Cynthia Erivo and Florence Pugh to infiltrate is the best we can do. 

THAT BEING SAID! 

They both look amazing. This is Florence’s best red carpet look of this year, imo (she the prettiest icicle I’ve ever seen), and Cynthia Erivo’s arm must ache from serving the entire awards season. And in Fendi! Taste!

Side note before we move onto the next set of looks: has anybody else watched Alison Brie in Mad Men and Community simultaneously and experienced the extreme cognitive dissonance that comes from watching her play a tragically nerdy (relatable tbh) 18 year old and an overly-sophisticated 30 something married to an ad man in the 60s at the same time? Weird, but anyway! The orange dress with the red lipstick is channelling Marina Diamandis’ Froot era style subtle sex appeal and is a timeless, playful combo. Put the hair up into a beehive and it’s Megan Draper on a date in Cabo-don’t know much about the place but I know the sea is aqua and the sun seekers are blindingly white and the cocktails are plentiful (and whatever colour you want them to be), and all that together is a juicy palette if we’re talking cinematography. The Mad Men directors are out there somewhere shaking their fists at the sky that they never got to consult me on that, I’m sure. 

(L-R: Phoebe Waller-Bridge in Dior, Saoirse Ronan in Erdem and Zendaya in Tom Ford)

Zendaya’s red carpet look was the stand out of the Critic’s Choice Awards for sure; the skirt I can do without but I hope that hot pink metal breastplate ends up on display somewhere because that is ART, and she is the perfect person to wear it. The Tiffany Pollard “she's so powerful” meme was made for this moment. 

Also, can we talk about Phoebe Waller-Bridge backing up my Dior 2019 Haute Couture wasn’t *that* bad hypothesis? Because unless I’m mistaken this is one of the dresses from that collection and it is quite beautiful. Yeah, black mesh isn’t going to start a revolution or anything but it’s so delicate looking it almost seems out of place on a red carpet-I don’t know if it’s the structure of the bodice or the tulle but I can totally see this in a gothic ballet, whether that’s sensible in theory or not. Probably not. But then again I did quit ballet when I was 10 after months of getting people to near poke me in the eye on the way out of class so it would look like I’d been crying and I didn’t have to go to my lessons after school. So what do I know? Fuck all, in case that wasn’t clear. I also feel a little vindicated by Saoirse wearing one of the Erdem dresses I loved from last year’s collection-if multi-award winning actress Saoirse Ronan’s probably ridiculously well-paid stylist liked it enough to pick it out for her then I guess I’m doing okay in terms of taste levels.

(L-R: Olivia Wilde in Valentino, Lucy Hale in Miu Miu, Mandy Moore in Elie Saab, and Margaret Qualley in Chanel)

The last few Critics Choice Awards looks I picked out above aren’t thrilling or anything but they’re cute enough to include-from left to right we have Olivia Wilde in Valentino, Lucy Hale in Miu Miu, Mandy Moore in Elie Saab and Margaret Qualley in Chanel. It’s kind of besides the point, but Margaret worked with Chanel throughout awards season and I just wanted to add my two cents in here and say that I think she’s the perfect person to collaborate with (also think Laura Harrier would be a good match, anyone agree?) and that in a similar vein, I urge Miu Miu, the creative directors of which I’m sure are eagerly awaiting the opinion of irrelevant Tumblr user amphtaminedreams, to work with Lucy Hale more often. I feel like if girl stopped starring in those shitty Blumhouse horrors and did something a bit more sophisticated she’d fit the brand right down to a T.

The Golden Globes

(L-R: Cynthia Erivo in Thom Browne, Dakota Fanning in Dior, Jane Levy in Steven Khalil, and Janina Gavankar in Georges Chakra)

Finally! I hear you cry! A more exciting red carpet! It’s not the Oscars, but celebrity stylists still pulled the big guns for this one, the Golden Globes probably being considered the second most prestigious American awards ceremony of the year. Plus Dakota Fanning was there! Big yay for me! She and Elle can practically do no wrong in my eyes and are probably the only 2 women that could take on Dakota Johnson and Jennifer Lawrence when it comes to established red carpet style. 

Cynthia Erivo did it again, of course, as slick, as dignified and as regal as she was at the Critic’s Choice. The woman really has got this power stance thing locked down; she always seems so cool and confident in everything she wears that the whole getting dressed up to go out out out (we call going to the club going “out out”, but I’d say a red carpet is a slightly bigger deal than my local club with the sticky floors hence the 3rd out) thing looks like second nature.

(L-R: Zoey Deutch in Fendi, Karamo Brown in Grayscale, Lucy Boynton in Louis Vuitton and Kat Graham in Georges Hobeika)

Lucy Boynton was another of my Golden Globes stand outs, and in general is someone who I really look forward to seeing at red carpet events. She (or her stylist, I don’t know how much of a role she plays!) always seems to commit fully to an outfit and sees it as part of a whole concept where the makeup, hair and accessories are equally as important and that is a girl after my own heart. 60s space age empress is the theme here and I’m all about it-well, either that or a feminine editorial take on the tinman from the Wizard of Oz but the former sounds a bit cooler and does way more justice to how good she looks so we’ll go with that. Quick shoutout to Kat Graham too because she looked absolutely radiant. 

(L-R: Shailene Woodley in Balmain, Winnie Harlow in Laquan Smith, and Zoe Kravitz in Saint Laurent)

The trio above I really couldn’t skim over, Winnie Harlow especially; my America’s Next Top Model grudges aside, she consistently turns it out at every event she’s invited to. She’s another woman that wears pieces with such confidence that they look like they were actually made on her body-even if the garment itself isn’t the most breathtaking in the room, she’s the one that draws my attention. Though she’s got these dainty, other-worldly qualities about her, what you’d expect to be a gentle presence is firm and commanding and whilst the sharp drama and glitz of the dress probably helps, that’s just the way Winnie Harlow is naturally, based on her other red carpet appearances. 

Zoe Kravitz is an interesting one because, on the one hand, her looking amazing with that bone structure (I would trade a vital organ to look like that any day) is a given, but it does also seem like she went out of her way to do something a bit different this past awards season. I have always loved her street style for its trademark edge and the androgynous, oversized silhouettes that she leans towards, and the overt femininity of her red carpet dresses is that grungy, skater girl aesthetic completely flipped on its head. It’s cute, and if anyone can pull a dress as kitschy as this off, it’s Zoe. She’s got that just rolled out of bed look we all dream of that screams “I’m over this shit” whereas the rest of us have to rely on dark circles to get the message across. It’s very weird to think that she and Shailene Woodley were in Divergent together, especially since Zoe in particular has changed so much since. 

My main note with Shailene was just that I got excited to see that Balmain dress off the runway-it was one of my favourites from the S/S 2020 collection (IIRC, mostly on the basis that I’m pretty sure it wan’t haute couture), and it looks good! Not wildly good because I’m not sure the fit of the dress is inherently all that flattering, but still good-she makes it work.

(L-R: Taylor Swift in Etro, Sofia Carson in Giambattista Valli and Scarlett Johansson in Vera Wang)

I know a lot of people online didn’t seem to like Taylor Swift’s dress, but she looks cute, imo. I will say that I’m surprised it’s Etro! At first glance I would’ve thought Carolina Herrera or Oscar de la Renta or something along those lines. And predictably, I think Sofia Carson looks flawless. If you’ve read any of my other posts you’re probably sick of hearing it but I really can’t resist anything that is this modern Disney princess, like powder pink layered tulle? Feathers? What did you expect me to say, ew? I think deep down my clothing preferences will always be that of a 9 year old girl and you know what, that’s okay. Sometimes. Well, when it comes to red carpets. That’s when you can kinda get away with it.

(L-R: Bell Powley in Miu Miu, Billy Porter in Alex Vinash, and Charlize Theron in Dior)

There’s a few things worth mentioning when it comes to the above outfits. Firstly, and most importantly, I need to proclaim my love for Billy Porter. No man is doing it like him, honestly. To compare Harry Styles in his pink suits is unfair. The drama and the beauty and the flair that Billy brings every awards ceremony is on another level and that’s all I have to say about that. If you disagree, I’m gonna need a bullet pointed essay-I am that firm in my opinion.

Second, Bell Powley in Miu Miu semi confirms the direction their PR team tend to head in when choosing women to work with. I might be totally alone here but I feel like she and Lucy Hale both have one of those porcelain doll faces which work really well with Miu Miu’s signature girlish silhouettes and overly-ornate details. 

And thirdly, just to restate my earlier point: someone give Charlize Theron a pat on the back for bringing some life to a Dior design. That is all.

(L-R: Jodie Comer in Mary Katrantzou, Joey King in Schiaparelli and Kaitlyn Dever in Valentino)

All the newcomers really turned it out too, which is a sentence I type through gritted teeth; to call Jodie Comer of My Mad Fat Diary origins a newcomer pains the former depressing 2013 black and white Tumblr user in me, though I suppose to the US audiences uncultured in the ways of British teenage angst Vilanelle is her breakthrough role. And how Vilanelle is this dress too!? It’s bold and it’s attention-grabbing and it’s fun and it is definitely very theatrical female fictional villain that you were inexplicably drawn to as a child before you realised why as an adult-”oh, it’s because she was hot”. 

Joey King in Iris van Herpen was a pleasant surprise too considering that when I first looked through the red carpet photos I only knew her as the girl who was in that shitty Netflix original-having watched her in The Act, I apologise for the dismissal! And I admire the sartorial choice! I adore Iris van Herpen designs but as a short girl, wearing one of her dresses to a red carpet event is a risky decision-I hate to admit it because casting a diverse range of people for shows is something I have come to expect of my favourite brands, but the appeal of a lot of IvH pieces comes from the movement of the garments on standard willowy runway models. Fortunately, the styling is really complementary here, and whilst it can’t be denied that the dress itself does swamp her a bit, I liked that she and her stylist stepped out of the box. 

Kaitlyn Dever’s red carpet look is obviously a lot more typical, but you can't go wrong with a Valentino dress, and this one in particular is so suited to the aura she gives off-it’s young and it’s fun and it’s fresh and the intricate floral print, otherwise muted if not for the spring influenced pops of pink and red, is timelessly pretty.

(L-R: Akwafina in Dior, Saoirse Ronan in Celine, Beanie Feldstein in Oscar de la Renta, and Renee Zellweger in Armani)

Lastly, there was Saoirse Ronan in Celine-one of my highlights of the night; she looked phenomenal, a glacial toned dream, and it was pretty different to what I generally expect to see her in. I might be way off base and in need of a bit of a review of her red carpet style, but I feel like she usually leans more towards pretty than edgy with regards to her styling at these kinds of events and a loose fitting, gun metal glittered slip dress is, imo, the perfect way to hit that previously uncharted midway point between the two.

(L-R: Kate Bosworth in Prabal Gurung, Kathryn Newton in Valentino and Sarah Hyland)

Now onto the afterparty looks, and I’m not gonna lie, they’re usually the highlight of the ceremonies for me; I feel like the initial ceremony is all about looking respectful and maintaining that whole dedicated actor image, whereas it seems the literal point of these showbiz parties is a competition to be the best dressed person in the room. Competition really makes people step their game up, and we always get to see more young talent whose style tends to be more current than that of the people we see on the red carpet. 

I’ve got to say, as annoying as I found her character in The Society, I have to overlook that gut instinct of irritation when I see Kathryn Newton and accept how stunning everything going on here is; honestly, she looks like an angel, and I feel like the team at Valentino must reeeeally like her to put her in that dress.

(L-R: Alexa Demie, Ashley Benson in Georges Hobeika, Maude Apatow and Barbie Ferreira)

Obviously I was super excited to see the Euphoria girls on the red carpet, especially Alexa Demie-she does 90s/early noughties inspired glamour better than anyone else on the young actor scene right now and her personal style and the sass she does so well as Maddy Perez shines through every time. Whilst Barbie Ferreira’s look is more casual and achievable for the rest of us in terms of wearability, it’s just as interesting a take on the same period; the delicate pink makeup, hair and jewellery with the 90s inspired slip dress in light teal is a red carpet take on soft grunge for the ages. As for Ashley Benson, she always looks gorgeous and that’s all I’m gonna say before I get emotional and start going into a rant about how her and Cara Delevigne’s relationship was one of the only good things about this shitshow of a year and how now that they’ve broken up the single flame of hope inside me has been extinguished and how their sex swing is gonna get so lonely with them caught in the middle of an ugly custody battle and-

You get the idea.

(L-R: Storm Reid, Sophia Bush in John Paul Ataker, and Sydney Sweeney)

(L-R: Billie Lourd, Paris Hilton, and Camila Morrone)

The Oscars

(L-R: Charlize Theron in Dior, Cynthia Erivo, and Florence Pugh in Louis Vuitton)

Ah, the Oscars. This is where the big money is really spent, and bad decisions are made-in fairness, this year’s winners were a lot more satisfying than usual and I think all of us felt that Parasite was a well-deserved win. I really thought it was gonna be Once Upon a Time in Hollywood just as a bit of a token gesture to Tarantino considering it’s his 9th film, though undoubtedly his worst of the ones I’ve seen, so I was relieved that this wasn’t the case. That being said, it still pains me to see the horror genre being ignored by the academy-in my mind, Florence is here for her performance in Midsommar just as much as Little Women. 

At the risk of getting repetitive, just assume my opinions on Charlize Theron in Dior here are the same again, that Cynthia Erivo is still bringing goddess energy (this is probably my favourite of her looks), and that against the opinion of the masses, Florence looks divine in this colour. I mean, when I say the masses I just mean the people I follow on Twitter, but still, I just wanted be an excuse to be dramatic so that I could insert a meme.

(L-R: Natalie Portman in Dior, Regina King in Versace, Scarlett Johansson in Oscar de la Renta, and Sandra Oh in Elie Saab)

Once again, Scarlett Johansson’s stylist is doing God’s work; this outfit is everythingggg-the Oscar de la Renta dress is probably my favourite thus far. Like we’re talking angel, but make it fitted and sexy, and I hope you read that in the Tyra Banks voice I intended because 2 memes in a row would rob me of any credibility I’m building as a fashion account and I’m not ready to trash that for bad memes just yet; give it a couple of mental breakdowns and I’ll be there. Natalie Portman’s look was a favourite of mine too, with the cape over the top adding a sophisticated touch to the celestial, slightly bohemian feel of the dress. I initially found the detail of the names embroidered into said cape to be quite moving-in a dream world, directing would be my career of choice and so I really admired the statement-but finding out that Portman herself is the only director hired by her own production company ruined that for me a little bit. Then again, multi-millionaire celebrities making performative gestures for good publicity and not doing all that much to make any real change? Colour me shocked.

(L-R: Beanie Feldstein in Miu Miu, Brie Larson in Celine and Billie Eilish in Chanel)

Now, of all the Miu Miu looks so far, I think Beanie Feldstein definitely got the best one. The intricacy of the embroidery, the silhouette, the old Hollywood stye curls-it’s all so graceful. I’d say this is probably her best look of awards season and she and her stylist did a really great job.

And as for Billie Eilish...Guys...do you think she might be wearing...Chanel...by any chance? I’m not sure.

Seriously though, as far as an oversized tweed suit with the brand’s logo emblazoned all over it goes, I like this look. The acid green roots and the jewellery are what make it for me, adding to the grunginess of the outfit which is interesting against Chanel’s prim and proper aesthetic of the last few years. I know she has good reason for the way she dresses, but I’ve never quite been able to appreciate it-this outfit proves to me that her style doesn't automatically equal ugly and occasionally, she can make it work.

(L-R: Leona Lewis, Colton Haynes, Dita von Teese)

Elton John’s Oscars afterparty being the less exciting of the two big ones in terms of fashion-the other being the Vanity Fair afterparty which I’ll cover in a moment-I thought I’d whizz through it (posturing aside though, I bet Sir Elton’s party was a lot more fun).

(L-R: Chiara Ferragni, Donatella Versace, Bella Thorne)

This is a big statement considering Alexa Demie attended, but I think Chiara’s outfit and overall styling might be my favourite of the partygoers; if they decided to do a live action Barbie film in 2020 minus the PG ratio-because lets be real, she’d be a noughties Paris Hilton type and get up to some SHENANIGANS-this is the look that would become iconic. 

(L-R: Ashley Greene in Off-White, Alexa Demie, Sydney Sweeney, Annalynne McCord)

It was a hard decision to make though: I’m just as into Sydney Sweeney’s interpretation of burlesque come 1950s red carpet Barbie, Ashley Greene’s surprisingly delicate Off-White number, and Alexa’s dress and (as always) impeccable styling. That being said, Chiara’s clearest contender here for the best dressed of the night is Annalynne McCord. I know I'm one to throw similes around but she looks like an ACTUAL Disney princess-the dress is magical and an absolutely flawless fit. She carries it with such grace. I'm truly in love.

(L-R: Tessa Thompson in Versace, Vanessa Hudgens in Vera Wang, SZA)

As for the Vanity Fair Oscars afterparty, there were SO many iconic moments this year. SZA was the definition of the fire emoji, Tessa Thompson’s throwback Versace was the mermaid���s take on BDSM fashion I never knew I need to see, and I’d die to turn up to my graduation ceremony (here’s hoping for a successful attempt at the old uni shebang this time, lol) looking as elegant and simultaneously extra as Vanessa Hudgens did in Vera Wang. I mean, this was before Vanessa went on her dumb Instagram live corona rant because she was upset she couldn’t go to Coachella and I still kinda lived for her, mostly because of moments like this. She’s always been the queen of channelling a more hedonistic, carefree era and this dress is the most refined example of that boho decadence yet. It sounds dramatic to say but the rich purple is such a bold choice considering it’s a a colour we rarely see on the red carpet but now I’ve seen eggplant coloured silk I need it, lol. 

(L-R: Suki Waterhouse in Fendi, Lili Reinhart in Marc Jacobs, Lucy Boynton and Margaret Qualley in Chanel)

Then there was Suki, Lilly, Lucy and Margaret as well who all went full angel mode in some of my favourite runway looks of last summer’s haute couture week; Suki’s Fendi dress and Lili’s Marc Jacobs number were highlights of both their shows and there’s something even more magical about them both when the uniformity of the runway is removed. I also would go on about how much I love Lucy Boynton’s style for the millionth time but I think you get my point.

(L-R: Nicole Richie, Cynthia Erivo, Hunter Schafer, Billie Porter)

The more I look at the photos I saved from the Vanity Fair “red” carpet, the more I come to the firm conclusion that these looks are my favourite as a collective. Along with the elegance and sex appeal of the outfits above, we’ve got all these looks too which are so VIBRANT and fun and experimental. Billie Porter is absolutely majestic and continues his reign as the king of in-your-face, theatrical red carpet style, and Hunter and Cynthia look so radiant. Whilst Nicole’s look isn’t as colourful, she still brought drama with the satin gloves and the smoke lined eyes, and she is definitely ready to step on someone’s neck here.

(L-R: Halima Aden, Ella Balinska in Schiaparelli, Emma Roberts, Ciara)

(L-R: Kiki Layne in Michael Kors, Kim Kardashian in Alexander McQueen, Kylie Jenner in Ralph and Russo, Lashana Lynch in Michael Kors)

(L-R: Rowan Blanchard in Iris van Herpen, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Stella Maxwell, and Sarah Paulson with Holland Taylor)

I’ve got to say, it’s really cool to see Rowan Blanchard in Iris van Herpen too; it’s interesting that as far as I know, she and Joey King were the only ones to wear her this awards season, both being up and coming actresses. It would be a good choice for the brand, probably best known for its futuristic, conceptual aesthetic, to also focus its PR efforts on the young potential inheriting that future. Orrrr it could just be that Rowan, Joey and I have the same (good, lol) taste-not gonna lie, from my experience of stalking her instagram Rowan Blanchard does make some unique fashion choices and her feed is full of bold outfit inspiration.

(L-R: Adriana Lima in Ralph and Russo, Alessandra Ambrosio in Armani, Billie Eilish in Gucci, and Donatella Versace in Versace)

Then there’s Billie Eilish, who is really on another level. This is her second custom made baggy suit of the night, this time Gucci. IMAGINE. Chanel and Gucci making custom pieces to suit your very specific style. Again, though, I really like this; whilst it’s very clearly a Billie outfit, it’s got a level of sophistication, cohesiveness and glamour to it that takes it to that I can admire. 

(L-R: Camila Mendes in Moschino, Barbara Palvin and Dylan Sprouse, and Chiara Ferragni)

Honestly, the Vanity Fair red carpet really belonged to young talent this year, and Camila Mendes in one of my favourite Moschino looks from the Picasso collection really seals it. She could’ve just gone for a basic pretty dress-this isn’t a natural choice-but she really does have the proud, regal look of a woman who knows some man is gonna paint her a portrait that will end up in a famous gallery one day. 

One last thing before I move on, though. How the fuck does Chiara Ferragni get everywhere?! And by that I don’t mean how does she get invited, I had the shock of finding out this woman I followed on Instagram because I liked her outfits and thought she was pretty is a hugely successful businesswoman in Italy long ago. Power to her. She’s a big deal! I get it! I just mean, physically HOW? How do you hit Elton John’s party AND the Vanity Fair party in one night and look this good? God really does have favourites, huh. Well, I guess in this hypothetical scenario where I believe in him anyway. 

The SAG Awards

(L-R: Dakota Fanning in Valentino, Kaitlyn Dever in Ralph Lauren, Scarlett Johansson in Armani, and Zoe Kravitz in Oscar de la Renta)

So, I kinda forgot the SAG awards existed and thought that my post was basically finished before I looked in my folder and saw the one dedicated to this ceremony. My initial reaction was like “oh, this is the shitty Oscars, right?” and I assumed the red carpet would be shit and that I could call it a night-it’s 3:30am, I wish I was calling it a night-but then I looked and saw that I had even more outfit photos saved in that folder than I did for my Oscar dedicated one. Because fuck, I want to to sleep, but the SAG awards had a surprisingly good turn out?! So maybe not as irrelevant a ceremony as I thought? Because Dakota Fanning turned up looking like some divine mythical being again, Scarlett Johansson pulled another incredible look out the bag, Zoe Kravitz was a modernised Audrey Hepburn, and Kaitlyn Dever read my comments about her dress being “timelessly pretty” and said “bitch, you really thought” before showing up looking hot as fuck. Truth be told, I think the SAG awards were first but in this universe where Kaitlyn Dever would pay any attention to my opinion of her outfit do we really care? 

(L-R: America Ferrera, Andrew Scott in Azzaro Couture, Camila Mendes in Ralph and Russo, Caleb McLaughlin )

(L-R: Lupita Nyongo in Louis Vuitton, Lily Allen, Nathalie Emmanuel in Miu Miu, Cynthia Erivo in Schiaparelli)

See, I was going to make a comment above how I took back what I said about Camila Mendes not just going for pretty dresses (which I guess I just did here instead-JUST TO BE CLEAR SHE STILL LOOKS STUNNING) and then I uploaded the next photo set and got distracted by 2 things:

1. How weird it is that British legend Lily Allen, who does not get NEAR enough credit for her smart her songs were might I add, is dating David Harbour AKA. Hopper off Stranger Things!?

2. How mad I still am about Game of Thrones and how dirty the writers did Nathalie Emmanuel (and Emilia Clarke and Lena Heady and Nikolaj Coster-Waldau and basically everyone else on that show but that’s another story).

In this same universe where Kaitlyn Dever cares about my opinion can we make the issues I have in the last bullet point not exist? Please?

(L-R: Sophie Turner in Louis Vuitton, Renee Zellweger in Maison Margiela, Phoebe Waller-Bridge in Armani, and Renee Bargh)

(L-R: Gwendoline Christie in Rick Owens, Madeline Brewer in Monique Lhuillier, Kathryn Newton in Valentino, and Lili Reinhart in Miu Miu)

Finishing off the SAG looks, we’ve got the four above. 

Once again, Kathryn Newton was Valentino’s blushing crown jewell; Allie Pressman hate aside, she really is the perfect dressing up doll for the brand. Fresh faced and poised, she has all the elegance and gentle femininity necessary to make floating down the runway as Valentino models do look natural, and Lili Reinhart did an equally good job being a Miu Miu girl. She makes that idiosyncratic cutesy-ness work, all the frills and fragility of a china tea set look easy where I’d just look like I’d been consumed by a charity shop doily. Madeline Brewer did a good job too, helping a Monique Lhuillier design pop in a way that it doesn’t usually. When your hair is bright red and your dress cerulean blue, coral tinted lipstick is a *ahem* choice, buuut in this case it paid off because the result is a look which demanded my attention-ML dresses are reliably pretty, however, they tend to be predictable. Madeline and her styling did a good job subverting that formula. To end the section, though, I feel it’s only fair to save my fave woman til last-probably one of the few people in the world that isn’t a Rick Owens model that can pull off his designs. Ofc, I’m talking about the queen that is Gwendoline Christie. If we’re talking embodying brands, she did justice like nobody else could to the spectacle of Owens�� formidable, out-of-this-world aesthetic. This is her version of the princess moment, and when you’re as striking as she is, nothing less would do. 

At least my girl Brienne of Tarth is thriving<3

The Grammys

(L-R: Ariana Grande in Giambattista Valli, Cardi B in Mugler, and Pia Mia in Julien Macdonald)

TBH, like I said with the Brits, I never planned to do any music award ceremony red carpets, just because I feel like the fashion tends to be more geared towards a younger audience buuuut I’m kinda glad I changed because Ariana looks INCREDIBLE. MESMERISING. TRANSCENDENT. JFC. There’s a reason the photo of her on her Wiki page has been changed to one from this night and it’s because she looks absolutely exquisite, like some kind of moon goddess with an R&B touch which I suppose is kind of her brand? Sometimes I go kind of lukewarm on Giambattista Valli and forget how mystical but at the same time frothy and indulgent and all around luxurious the pieces can be. This is a cupcake of a dress and I want to eat it. Cardi B has become a bit of an unexpected fashion icon and Pia Mia looks as hot-party-girl as ever but I feel to put anyone next to Ariana in this dress seems harsh because she just completely stole the show and I don’t even know if she won any Grammys.

(L-R: Josephine Relli, Gwen Stefani, Jameela Jamil in Georges Chakra, and Chrissy Teigen in Yanina Couture)

Other than Ariana, I’m not gonna lie, there was nothing wildly exciting, BUT I did think there were some beautiful colours out on the runway-plus for all her occasionally bad takes I really like what Jameela Jamil stands for and her style has always been very quirky cool. The electric blue tiled effect with the black mesh underneath kinda reminds me of a peacock, and contrasts wonderfully with the carpet-it’s very reminiscent of her T4 days. She’s one of those people that seems to get aggression directed at her that’s completely disproportionate to whatever it is she’s supposed to have done; sometimes the way she goes about saying things is wrong but the intention behind what she’s saying is usually good. Then again, the internet still despises Chrissy Teigen (in a way that’s kind of excessive considering what we seem to collectively let some people get away with) for a dumb AirPods tweet and I’ve included her too. THIS IS NOT A POLITICAL STATEMENT, this time anyway. I just think she looks good!

If I’m going to get controversial about anything, it’ll be Gwen Stefani. She looks stunning, the dress is stunning, and the boots are stunning. The outfit is not my problem! My problem is how she seems not to have aged at all. This woman is 50 years old! That she drank the blood of her Harajuku girls is the only explanation here. Can you imagine if she tried to pull that shit today? She’d get rightly accused of being a culturally appropriating weeb in about 10 seconds flat and we’d have to pretend to stop liking Cool and Hollaback Girl. 

(L-R: Finneas O’Connell in Gucci, Lucky Daye, and Shaun Ross)

(L-R: Tess Holliday, Dua Lipa in Alexander Wang, Tyler the Creator, and Grace Elizabeth in Giuseppe di Morabito)

Back to what I’m supposed to be talking about in this blog post: the fashion. And here, most importantly, Tyler the Creator looking like a cast member of the Grand Budapest Hotel. IDK why. But I love this man.

(L-R: Lil Nas X in Versace, Lizzo in Versace, and Shawn Mendes in Louis Vuitton)

(L-R: Billie Porter, FKA Twigs in Ed Marler, and Swae Lee in Giuseppe Zanotti)

See in general, the men were a lot more interesting on the Grammys red carpet. With the exception of Twigs, Dua and obviously Ariana, the men’s outfits are a lot more memorable; Billie Porter became the most fashionable meme on the internet, for god’s sake. And even when their outfits weren’t extravagant, they were just more interesting, imo, which is a rare occurrence. I didn’t expect Finneas O’Connell to be the writing half of Billie Eilish (the other half being Billie herself) I cared about and yet, in that Gucci blazer, here we are. 

(L-R: Jessie J, Hailee Steinfeld, and Madison Beer)

(L-R: H.E.R, Usher, FKA Twigs, and Matt Shultz)

Of the afterparty looks, my favourites are what we can see of these more casual outfits-I love what F.K.A Twigs and H.E.R are wearing, the headscarf with the leatherjacket on top is in particular very throwback rockabilly, and I’m even into whatever it is Usher’s got on.

(L-R: Olivia O’Brien, Amine, and Alrissa)

(L-R: Salem Mitchell, Machine Gun Kelly, and Sydney Sweeney)

Now, how to round this all up!? How to relate the confusingly persistent but very welcome presence of Sydney Sweeney on, like, ALL these red carpets back to the MET!?

IDEK. It’s been a long year. 

The Met Gala has usually come and gone before we know it, but with everything going on, it’s been the longest January-May I think most of us have ever known. I keep going on about COVID-19 in all my posts now but I have almost forgotten how to write an intro and outro because the pandemic is pretty much consistently on the brain and unless I have something right in front of me to use as a distraction, my mind tends to wander off into a very anxious place. I think, like many others, I feel frustrated and disappointed and angry with the way the situation is being handled by the people who are supposed to protect their citizens, and by how much of a fight some are putting up against measures that are in place to try and save lives. The point of this ramble, I guess, is that whilst we should never forget what’s going on and do the best we can to help prevent the spread of the virus, it’s okay to still care about mundane shit. Was this post one big long distraction for me? Probably. But if there’s something harmless you can do to keep your anxiety at bay, don’t feel bad for doing it. Contrary to popular belief, you can care about more than one thing at once. You can be sad that something you were looking forward to has been cancelled whilst still being sad for the people who are suffering because they’ve lost love ones or who have been forced into precarious living conditions. If talking about clothes on the internet is going to help you get through this pandemic, power to you.

If anyone has read til the end, thank you! I hope you are well! As always, feel free to reply to the post or inbox me with your thoughts! It doesn’t even have to be related to this post. If you’re struggling with everything going on, feel free to reach out too. I spend too much time on the internet anyway, lol! My plans are to finish my fashion week reviews and then I have a Lana Del Rey albums inspired lookbook which I pinched off the stans on Twitter (who I will of course credit when I write it!). For the time being, look after yourselves!

Lauren x

[godkilller]

@magical-girl-coral​​

So two questions - one, does Gin eventually use a prosthetic arm in the redemption au like Izuru? And two, where did the "Gin totally abused Izuru" story come from? Because I couldn't find any evidence of that.

          out of character.  I’ll start off by saying thanks for the message !  I always appreciate seeing new faces in my inbox, especially when they’re tossin’ me challenging or otherwise worldbuilding questions. That said, I don’t want anyone to get the idea that I mean to police what Izuru’s headcanon for their character... however, I have had several experiences, as well as my partner during her time writing Gin, in which headcanons / fanon interpretations included Gin being a r/ap/ist to them and other upsetting material was forced onto us.

          Not only am I not comfortable with writing that material in general, I feel extremely more so when placed into that position, and I believe I would be understood with that approach. By mere roleplaying standards the whole ordeal can be ruled as godmodding, but there’s also a massive amount of pressure when writing a villain muse to be as detestable as possible so people’s hero muses can explore the coping, healing, and angst of being a victim. I’m happy to be villainous, Gin is not a protagonist regardless of the themes I explore with him, but I draw the line at depictions of sexual violence and other darker instances of abuse. I SHOULD NEVER FEEL EXPECTED TO WRITE MY OWN CHARACTER DOING THINGS I DO NOT WANT TO WRITE HIM DOING. I do not headcanon him as such, and I do not acknowledge other’s headcanons of such topics due to this extreme discomfort.

          I’m not here to say that Gin was absolutely wonderful to Izuru !  Because no, he wasn’t. Their relationship was doomed to become toxic by the end of it due to the nature of its creation. That last day of them together in which Momo and Izuru fight beneath Aizen’s fake dead body, and then the following hours afterwards up until the three traitors leave to Hueco Mundo... they’re awful. Izuru is rightfully distraught. Aizen crafted himself and his two trusted subordinates the perfect lieutenants for them to control. He took Momo, known for her massive idolization of him, and Tousen took Hisagi, who would obey without question, and Gin took Izuru, a man who suffers great insecurities. Each one was destined to be manipulated, and manipulation is a form of abuse.

          That aside, Izuru’s insecurities are present before he even knew Gin. Like it or not, the traitor did NOT create Izuru’s instability, his mental-illness coded breakdown, nor did he delight in Izuru’s suffering  ( unless people want to tell me that Gin grinning indicates he was amused, when in actuality the whole point of Gin’s grin is to be unreadable, thus almost 99% of the time it’s implied FAKE, a mask, so like... is he amused, or are people just taking his smile at face value? )  Gin IS guilty of enabling Izuru’s dependency on him, his blind obedience and trust. GIN COULD HAVE LET IZURU DOWN IN PREPARATIONAL WAYS PRE-BETRAYAL, AND MAKE THIS FIERCE LOYALTY HIS LIEUTENANT HAD LESS CATASTROPHIC WHEN IT WAS FINALLY BROKEN.

          If Izuru had been abused by Gin so regularly pre-betrayal, there would have inevitably been a clicking moment in his head going ‘ah, yes, I knew it, he was rotten all along!’ but no, Gin was canonly described as a great captain to the Third Division, and that’s what makes the betrayal to Izuru hurt him all the more; HE WASN’T, ACTUALLY, BAD. It takes having a good thing for the subsequent back-stabbing to ache. Gin went, within 24 hours, from being Izuru’s beloved captain to his enemy, and all in between he was asked to do things he felt, at later times, immense regret over doing. That’s the impact Gin had, and it doesn’t matter how good he was prior to that day / night. That’s the hurt I’d like to explore with the two characters, and the possible route towards healing that we may venture for if the mun is comfortable.

          So yes, the fanon interpretation that Izuru was abused for years and years underneath Gin is one I feel is false, or at the very least largely misinterpreted. The events of the betrayal leading to Rukia’s execution highlight the worst Izuru went through in terms of his relationship with Gin. I’d love to one day delve into that wound, and find what these characters need to grow beyond that darker time. Gin certainly felt no pride in what he did, and his canon last words pertaining to Izuru ring true for myself too: I’m just glad he’s doing alright.

          And to take the edge off, now I’ll reply to your FIRST question swbedhrfjmk. I think Gin’s not very open to ‘solutions’ or aid given to him post-Winter War. He, like Yamamoto, kind of accepts his injury as a punishment  ( though, Yamamoto rejects healing / aid as a point of pride and stubbornness )  because Gin feels he doesn’t deserve the help. It’s also a rant I’ve posted before where disabled or hurt characters, especially in Bleach, are often slapped a bandaid on and fixed instantly because Tite seems to be allergic to lingering wounds and trauma and the idea that a disability should instantly be dealt with via magic breaks the illusion of there being ANY sort of consequence for ones actions. The concept of immediately healing back Gin’s arm turns me off, to be honest, because it erases that pain and that failure, as well as narratively gives any disabled person the middle finger.

          Story-wise, the only character I believe capable to negate Aizen’s massive reiatsu imprint on Gin would need to work at it for days to get past its black hole-esque nature of not letting her heal the injury, and also... Orihime, unless written and developed otherwise, should not ever feel that she needs to heal someone who took part in holding her captive within Las Noches, a very traumatizing time for a young girl. GIN DOESN’T FEEL LIKE HE’S WORTH HER TIME, NOR DOES HE WANT TO ASK. He’s not even good at asking for help with Rangiku, so he sure as hell isn’t going to walk up to this poor kid and tell her to heal him.

          I know Kukaku also has a prosthetic limb, and Izuru too down the line, so the option is probably more doable than Gin getting his arm back magically... but until he’s OFFERED help, and maybe even forcibly so, he’s hell-bent on rejecting it based on a self-sabotaging belief that he needs to accept this as punishment and move on all the same. Gin makes peace with the injury later down the line within Redemption Verse, and no longer sees the missing limb as a consequence... just a reminder to be better, to stay.