#but also irl i am very short so i think i'm just used to everyone either being my height or at least appearing way taller than me

[holocene-sims]

how tall are your sims?

okay, technically i have not been officially tagged, but i saw @stargazer-sims and @changingplumbob do this, and i just knew right away that i had to participate 😋

idk who's done it already or is interested but i'll tag: @nectar-cellar @roos-bowl-o-soup @jonquilyst @mangosimoothie @swallowprettybird @gamyrmaiden @vercosims @dandylion240 @queeniecook @mmmatchasims & anyone who wants to do it!

link to the website 🥰

OKAY here's all the ~main~ cast for the most part, but i had to be at least a little selective or this would take 2x the number of charts 😳

so, we have grant & all his siblings, ordered by height and not birth order!

and then his grandparents, parents, and biological aunt and uncle,

aaaaand a handful of familiar family and friends!

[thecoolerliauditore]

Pls tell me about Scott's views on women in general pls I'm begging you

o7 and I'm sorry

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

fyi, the post itself isn't NSFW, but I'll be getting all gender theory in this bitch so I'll be referencing a lot of things and putting in pictures of naked ppl sometimes. maybe skip this one if you don't like that

(long post)

Disclaimers

An explanation for the tweet up there

I usually don't write these because I assume the people on my blog have enough sense to realise when I'm talking about the characters vs the CCs or are comfortable enough being a little confused, but I feel the need to extra-clarify here and expand on how I specifically view C vs CC because I think it differs a little from the average person.

To me, C and CC are two separate entities but not entirely disconnected. What differs (e.g. the exclusion of irl relationships -- their wives, kids, etc.) is poignant enough to severely detach them from the people they originated from, at least in my eyes, but there's also the fact that these are not scripted characters, just creators being themselves with a hint of behind the scenes drama-adding and improv thrown in.

For example, CC Pearl is a car nerd. So I assume her character is too.

This is where I state very clearly that yes, a lot of these thoughts come from things I've seen on Scott's twitter, which is undoubtedly the CC and not the C. However I, to me, am still talking about the C because any observations/judgments I could make on actual irl youtuber CC guy Scott Major would be tabloid at best and slightly invasive at worst. I'm seeing these statements within the context of "the death game guy would say this too and I'm writing this based on that", not "this is the inner psychological workings of the youtuber because I, as a fan, can totally tell".

TLDR I don't consider this post RPF but you might. This is a little more RPF-y than my usual stuff. If you don't rock with it we cool.

Everyone is weird about women, and that's okay

One short-hand I've used in the past to talk about Scott and women is just by saying that he's "weird about women" which I'm sure isn't exclusive to him.

(shitpost I made awhile back)

I see a lot of people now who love "villains" and "evil" but when it comes to any traits resembling real life evil (e.g. misogyny in this case) they suddenly become insecure. Just a couple of days back a saw a post on twitter essentially asking for permission to continue liking CC Scott in spite of the "bad things" he did.

And I think, in order to present an analysis like this, I must address that mindset first.

This is not a judgment on Scott's morality, nor is it trying to dissuade you from liking him. This is not saying that he is any more misogynistic than any other player in the series. This is just me pointing out Scott's attitude towards women and what I read it as, nothing less or more.

The feelings that me pointing these things out - be they apathy, disgust, anger or, what I would hope to see most, interest - are your own. I'm not here to tell anyone how to feel and never will try to police that on my blog.

Scott's Relationships with Women

aka. oh yeah this is about minecraft.

Scott and Cleo || "Yeah, you can kill me."

Scott and Cleo's alliance is arguably the strongest in the entire series, spanning through all five seasons and remaining unbroken with no (serious) drama attached. You'd expect from this that they two have a very settled and stable understanding of eachother, yet this isn't a case.

Their power dynamic shifts dramatically from one season to the next.

3L's initial Widows Alliance began on fairly equal footing, built on the mutual agreement that they were waiting for their respective partners to die. Both understood they were eachothers' "plan B" and felt comfortable in that arrangement.

Come LL, Cleo does what she couldn't in 3L, and initiates that plan, going to Scott after her last alliance, the fairy fort, fell apart. Scott requests nothing from her in return.

DL is the longest the two spent as eachothers main ally. Cleo is the one who initially proposes teaming up to spite their "cheating" soulmates and Scott agrees. Cleo admits to Martyn in private that she's aware she's taking advantage of Scott (which I've always interpreted as her talking about all seasons, not just DL). Due to the time they spend together, it's here where it becomes apparent that their initial assumptions during 3L were not entirely accurate, as Scott shows a level of gameplay competency much higher than Cleo's (e.g. teaching her how to axe-crit) but despite this Scott never berates her or thinks any less of her value as his ally.

LimL is probably this pairing at their most unhinged, as Scott, despite once again asking for nothing (or very little -- I'll be honest I'm a bit fuzzy on this) in return from Cleo, allows them and their allies to butcher him repeatedly for time. He gives more time to the Clockers than he does to Martyn, his closest ally that season. Despite this, Scott is never ever considered as a "family member" by the Clockers, despite them giving that title to even temporary allies (like the Bad Boys being their cousins) -- even Martyn gets a title with Scott completely unattached.

SL is relatively more chill, but shows that the two inevitably end up teaming together even despite their oath to avoid eachother that season.

The point being -- again and again, we see Scott literally and metaphorically making sacrifices for Cleo, with the only real transaction he requires from her being that she continues having his back when times get rough. This is despite that he's aware she isn't any more capable than he is and the fact that so far it has only been Cleo in rough times (LL, LimL and SL) and never Scott.

Speaking from a purely transactional perspective, Scott is not getting a bargain here -- and even Cleo seems acutely aware of it, judging by her comment during DL as well as the way she tends to speak of her survival capabilities very lowly in general ("rubbish pvp skills and spiffy one-liners"). I'm speaking in this sense because I've seen discussions in the past about the transactional way Scott views relationships but rarely does Cleo get brought up.

This is at stark contrast to how he treats Jimmy, whose predicted death was what spurred on Scott and Cleo's alliance in the first place.

Scott assumes Jimmy is "incompetent", where he assumes Cleo is capable. When Jimmy messes up, he reprimands him, when Cleo struggles to crit him, he patiently teaches her. When LL begins, Scott's first instinct was to look at Jimmy's lives and note that he was "useless to (him)", but holds no objections to Cleo joining his alliance despite her already having enemies being a potential liability. In SL, he jokes about how Cleo and him being allied is a given and pretty much expected of them, whereas in LimL he explicitly requests from Jimmy a recognition that he still cares ("say love you back!") before he will help him.

Scott and Gem || "You HAVE TO kill me, Gem,"

In SL, Gem settles in very easily in a leadership position within Gem and the Scotts due to her trying to live up to her reputation but also due to Scott and Impulse's more laid back, passive playstyles.

Both Scott and Impulse let Gem kill them for extra health this season, although Scott is arguably much more subservient than Impulse is, with him not only insisting that she kill him in the final episode but also not fighting back (and only yelling for her to stop) when she starts hitting him with a sword during the episode where her task was to literally kill everyone on the server.

Once again comparing her to Jimmy, Scott in 3L had a tendency to brush aside Jimmy's concerns over alliances (e.g. Jimmy questioning if they could trust Cleo) while in SL Scott runs his plans by Gem (and Pearl and Impulse) in terms of who he wanted to team up with (specifically excluding Joel from the potential mounders alliance) implying he held her opinion in some form of regard.

Before this becomes less of an analysis of Scott's treatment of men vs women and more of Scott's treatment of Jimmy vs everyone else, I think it's notable enough to mention that he and Martyn also lacked this sort of communication in LimL. He would inform Martyn of his plans, but rarely was it ever framed as a request.

SL almost feels as if Scott has slid Gem into the slot he had previously designated for Cleo in 3L (his girlboss ally) as he provides her and pretty much forces onto her by the end the acts of service he'd become accustomed to performing for Cleo.

Scott and Lizzie || "You killed her! I don't.. I don't know what to even say!"

Relatively shorter section because this is the one woman he hasn't teamed with, but there's still some interesting stuff I wanted to touch on.

In LL, one of the first thing Scott does is yell at Pearl to revenge-kill Joel for boogey-killing him. Pearl does as she's told and Joel's wet miserable pathetic LL life gets worse from there.

Several episodes later, the roles are reversed -- Lizzie lies to both of them and manages to isolate and boogey-kill Pearl. Scott, instead of reacting with the anger he had for Joel, is almost in a state of shock as he asks Lizzie to let him down so he could collect Pearl's belongings. He doesn't act aggressively towards Lizzie at all, with his most antagonizing act against her being to lie about his intentions when giving her a wither skull.

In SL, he's the only one aware of her early permadeath, but keeps quiet about it almost as if he's in a state of shock akin to when he saw Lizzie kill Pearl in LL. It's not until the others have noticed when he finally brings it up.

Scott and Pearl || "Tilly death do us 'part"

I wrote a whole post just for their relationship alone so for the sake of my sanity I'll be leaving this here.

So now I get to dedicate this section to the meat of this post -- how the way Scott treats women in general impacts his relationship with Pearl and how I view his heel-turn on her as seeping with relevance to Pearl's perceived gender.

In all three of the previous sections, the running theme is that Scott is 1. kinder and more patient with women, regardless of their competency and 2. someone who likes to be in a supporting role to women, occasionally aiding them more than he aids himself and his closer male allies (e.g. Jimmy and Martyn). As shown with Cleo, he assumes that girls have it together, but even if they don't it's not a big deal. When a girl's actions are truly disastrous, such as with Lizzie's, he goes into a state of shock and doesn't really react, preferring to swallow it down and not acknowledge it.

With the amount of times he sacrifices himself, I don't think it's a reach to say that Scott values his own life less than he values the lives of his (female) allies. This specific point actually does extend to his male allies too, shown when he's happy when Martyn literally backstabs him in LimL, but just as with the Martyn post where I point out his victim status-ing doesn't end at only women but includes all the women, Scott has pedastal-ed all the women he's teamed with.

Lizzie is, once again, the exception here due to his limited interactions with her. However that's actually somewhat patched over if you look at adjacent series (such as x-life) where he definitely shows her a level of admiration and respect.

Back to Scott and Pearl.

Their relationship during LL is very standard of how Scott treats women. While the power dynamic between them is obviously more caused by the initial life trade agreement, I don't think it's a far reach to say that Scott is somewhat comfortable in the arrangement.

However, this is also the first thing that sets their relationship apart from Scott with Cleo or Gem -- Pearl is the one making sacrifices, not Scott. She is the one "sacrificing" her lives to him, just in a more non-violent way as allowed by the season's mechanics.

When viewed through this lens, Scott trying to make it up to her and wanting his effort acknowledged makes even more sense. This is suddenly uncharted waters for him. His assuming that Pearl doesn't value him as a person goes hand in hand with him valuing himself less than her.

What Scott has with Cleo or Gem, situations where the other party is clearly uncomfortable with how he treats himself (Gem) or actively aware they are taking advantage of him (Cleo), is equalized to him because he is inherently worth less. What he has with Pearl, on the other hand, looks more equal to most people (lives vs labour) but is wildly imbalanced to him.

It's one of the many factors I see going into Scott's weird decision to abandon her in DL.

An Interlude, Before We Get to DL

La Pieta, Michelangelo

So this has been a lot of words so far and some of you might be wondering at this point: why say Scott is "weird" about women when so far this has been describing how he values women more, is kinder to them, is more patient with them, etc.? How is any of this behaviour remotely misogynistic?

And I would feel horrible if I forced you to read through all of my DL thoughts before I clarified this -- Scott is not your classic wifebeater "women are lesser" misogynist, Scott is someone who subscribes to misogynistic schools of thought and probably considers himself an ally to women, when in reality his beliefs are still rooted in dehumanizing them and these beliefs end up harming the women around him as well as himself.

After all, seeing women are your superiors is still not seeing them as your equals.

I know it's a bit of a meme on this blog at this point. But. Sigmund Freud identified what we know refer to as the "madonna/whore complex", which he described as a pattern of behaviour in men who separated women into being madonnas (pure, holy and admirable) and whores (debased, sexual, deviant). We'll be focusing on the former, the madonna, as it is more relevant to Scott's character.

Freud proposed that the madonna figure was something men projected onto women as a replacement for maternal love. These women are sacred and untouchable, literally as the projection of the maternal role onto them also makes it so that the sufferer cannot feel any sexual attraction towards her (keep this in mind for later).

Scott projects the madonna figure onto his female compatriots -- they are to be protected, served and supported. They are goddesses, queens, but they are never human. The madonna role in of itself is not inherently harmful to the woman, as seen with Cleo who takes control and advantage of it. However, it is enforced, as seen with Gem who at first revels in the superiority but almost breaks down when Scott offers him up as her sacrificial lamb one last time.

I linked this Utena AMV awhile back when vaguely talking about Scott and women, and this was the point I was alluding to.

Girls are beautiful and pure. They don't spit on the street, they don't piss on the street, they don't build hierarchies -- they subvert all the expectations of masculinity that I hate having to deal with. They are my escape.

But what about the girls who do spit on the street? The girls who piss on seats? Who build social hierarchies, who size up their competition?

The girls Scott interacts with are all painfully human. Cleo weaponizes his beliefs and take advantage of him. Scott is smart enough to know and accept this. Gem's playing into a role she has been assigned into by not only Scott but everyone around her. Scott supports the character she plays. Lizzie reflects traits he hates in Joel and Jimmy, but for her, he looks the other way.

Are they "demons", as the song says, or are they no longer girls at all?

(demons, gods, but never humans)

Weaponized Femininity and Women In Total Control of Themselves ;)

Hylas and the Nymphs, John William Waterhouse

Historically, weaponized femininity I'd argue is one of the oldest tropes in storytelling. Whether it's nymphs or sirens or witches or succubi or even more roundabout cases like Helen of Troy, there's countless stories of men's sexual attraction to women leading them to disaster.

One way to view these stories is to see them as warnings, don't let womens allure be the end of you.

There's a lot of good writing done on the femme fatale trope both in the context of weaponizing femininity and as a sexist way to argue against victims of sexual assault, as these stories often say that men who experience attraction to these "evil" women no longer have agency over their own actions.

Look at the painting above, for example - is it the nymphs who are responsible for drowning Hylas, or is Hylas climbing into the lake of his own accord?

Despite the fact we all know sirens, nymphs and succubi aren't real, the belief that men will simply lose control of themselves when encountering a particularly alluring woman persists to the modern consciousness. That there's something inherently dangerous about women and attraction to them.

(this is not 100% applicable to Ninja saying he won't stream with women, but it's the real life example I felt most comfortable putting in here)

Now, let's combine this with what's been said so far -- let's say you don't hate women. You love women, in fact, and you hate the way men treat women. You hate men, in fact.

Yet, you still believe in this inherent power women hold by being female and the loss of agency that men experience when attracted to them -- how disgusting.

It quickly becomes easily to not only demonize men for sullying the holiness of women, but also men, masculinity and attraction to women as a whole.

(apologies for using twt discourse in the meta post but this flew by my TL and i had to grab the irl example of mens non-violent attraction to women being used to frame them as misogynistic before the stupid app refreshed and i lose everything forever)

"To Venner" is a student film exploring a world set within this belief, where all the women have vanished and the men have become monstrous figures as a result of their pent up sexual frustration. fyi this is one of my favourite student films (and ive watched a bunch), but I do think its messaging is worth breaking down (especially its juxtaposition of dirty horrible monstrous sexuality vs pure and beautiful romantic love)

NOTE: this film is super graphic, lots of violence and nudity. have fun. or not

I admit this section is a bit hard to gauge as everyone in the series is gay as fuck. The closest in-series example I can think of is Scott reacting to Martyn's antics in DL with a sort of indigence but otherwise I can't really think of an example of a man expressing attraction to a woman at all, let alone one Scott reacted to. However, I do think it's still worth talking about because it opens up some interesting trains of thought in regard to Scott and Pearl.

For Scott, he himself has never been part of the picture. He's gay, after all, which gives him an edge over the bad straight men who objectify and assault women. Likewise, there's little evidence to suggest he finds the expectations of masculinity frustrating, but I don't think it's too far a reach considering how common of an experience that is for gay men and his adapting of more feminine mannerisms.

Double Life and Corruption

As mentioned in my previously linked post about Scott and Pearl's relationship, I do think Scott experiences what he would name as attraction towards Pearl, so my writing will reflect that.

Pearl is. ahem. not like other girls.

Not actually. But to Scott, she probably isn't like other girls.

She remains unaware of his different standards for her (how could she when she had nothing to compare them to), she acts out, sometimes violently, against Scott's urging (such as when she stole from Scar's wagon). She maintains their already irregular dynamic, and while she appreciates his care for her, she never quite falls into seeing him as a source of subservience the way Cleo or Gem do.

At the end of LL, right before the 1v1v1v1, she monologues to herself that she no longer has to feel bad for killing Scott. Which, in turn, implies she expected Scott to give it his all against her as well.

She entirely fails to embody the madonna with her immature naivete and her questionable morals. She is unpredictable, she doesn't take what she is owed, she is a monster in a lot of ways.

Scott, too, is a monster, to himself, for how he feels about her.

The very foundations of your understanding of yourself being ripped apart aside, let's rewind to the madonna/whore complex. To sexualise the madonna is to corrupt her and make a monster of yourself. Suddenly, you are no better than the men around you, the ones you've grown to hate. Suddenly, you are the grotesque figures in films like To Venner. You are Hylas and she is the nymph. And you are so stupid. Your worldview crumbles around its flawed foundations.

Scott is, however, immune to this corruption. This is a theme that appears in Empires as well, but throughout the traffic series he's prided himself on being loyal and kind and good. His monologue leading up to LL's 1v1v1v1 summarizes it quite well.

He can't let himself or anyone else see this side of him, but the energy needs to go somewhere. To defy fate, abandon your soulmate, is to admit you had a fate in the first place, is to acknowledge that she was your soulmate in the first place.

I've previously talked about how fate and romance are very ingrained in Scott's belief system, if it was anyone else it would've been amazing. He could've been like Bdubs and Impulse or Ren and Bigb, diving into domestic life and performative romance with a stranger. Or the world could've made his happy ending from 3L real, as he got to be Jimmy's husband all over again. I think it says something that he accepts Cleo as a "soulmate" before Pearl.

So what do you do with all that energy and tension, clearly apparent to yourself and everyone else, when you can't let them observe your feelings?

You project them.

Shout-outs to @/legally-allowed-to-slime for pointing out Pearl's comment early on in DL that she "feels like (she's) been broken up with" confirms she never saw Scott in a romantic sense. The "crazy ex-girlfriend" and "this is why I'm gay" comments really did come out of thin air, or perhaps insecurity.

Pearl is the crazy one. She's insane, because she wants me. She wants to be with me, so she does all this crazy stuff. She's lost control of herself because she wants me. She's disgusting.

I mentioned before that Scott is not your classic misogynist, but this is where the gears start turning. Scott's views of Pearl echo that of other players, most prominently Ren and Martyn, that Pearl has been overcome with some sort of corruption. She has become the witch, the demoness, the whore, in their eyes. Scott does not want to be the same as these men and I think his overcorrecting his behaviour in SL makes sense when you view it from this angle, but for now he has to rely on more traditional misogyny in order to navigate this new obstacle.

"Corruption" also implies that she had to have been pure (or at least pure-er) beforehand, something Scott personally knows is not true, but it falls in line with defaulting women to being "madonnas".

This is a Scott post but. shout outs to Ren for being all of this about Pearl but without the complexity of Scott like he literally accuses Pearl of seducing Bigb what the fuck man.

Pearl is, of course, none of that. But she plays into the role of being the witch much better than she fared playing into the role of the madonna.

Sidenote: I know I'm looking at this from a Scott/Pearl POV but I do feel like you can omit Scott's attraction if you look at it from a purely "pearl not performing to standards of femininity I expect and she makes me realise I don't view women as a whole as human which makes me feel weird so now we have to do this" POV. Like idk I think the exact reason he abandoned Pearl is going to be lost on everyone forever so any analysis I could perform is going to suffer at least a little bit of making-shit-up-itis.

I do also think there's something to be said about Pearl being pushed until she performed a role, any role and generally failing at Being A Girl tm but that's another post i think. yknow shes um. a bit. 🏳️‍⚧️ (but also very much not at the same time idk that's gonna need its own post)

anyway yeah uh the minecraft movie looks crazy huh

[gentlebeardsbarngrill]

02/12/2024 Daily OFMD Recap

TLDR; Parrot Analytics; Cast & Crew; Kristian Nairn; Nathan Foad; Erroll Shand; Trends and Stats; V-Day Video for Prime; In person events and Watch Party reminders; People of Earth; WooAsACrew; Kudoboard for Cast & Crew Update; Love Notes; Daily Darby; Tonight's Taika; Well folks, it was another busy busy day. I apologize, I'm a bit exhausted today so I'll be making this quicker than normal.

== Parrot Analytics ==

Some Q4 data was released by Parrot Analytics for HBO and Max and as you can probably imagine, this made most of the internet explode. Referencing @adoptourcrew here since they did a great bit of research.

SRC: HBO's Most Popular Shows - hidden behind Paywall

== UK How You Can Help==

Below are actions to do every day to capitalise on #OurFlagBBC! More info below on how to use YouGov. Tumblr

=Cast & Crew Sightings=

= Wee John Wondays ==

I think everyone's favorite part of the day was when Nathan Foad appeared on Wee John Wonday's. He is by far one of the best guests ever.

Please go watch the whole damn live, but if you don't have time right now. Here's a clip from our fabulous friend @edscuntyeyeshadow who recorded it for us, I have just left it on repeat so I can continue to laugh.

A few quotes/highlights in case you can't watch anything right now:

Highlights:

Kristian's Garage Fire

Nathan's Writing

Nathan was VERY sick at the beginning of filming S2, Sick AF and had to learn how to roll and smoke cigarettes.

Nathan was not aware he was on camera when the sandwich hit him in the face.

Gypsy made him a jacket to wear IRL that matched his gorgeous one in the show (Gypsy is the best)

Nathan's favorite scene was the one with Matt Maher with the Art on the Wall.

Kristian's favorite scene was the one with Con O'Neill and asking to put on make up

Quotes:

"NOT TO BE A BIG THING RIGHT NOW BUT I AM" - Nathan

"Sniffed the air like a fox in heat" - Kristian

"You little gay bitch" - Nathan

"Mid town special" - Nathan, as Kristian

"Im a horrible un wanted nipple twister" - Kristian

"Needy puffs" - Nathan

== Erroll Shand ==

As usual our dear friend Erroll is out here really pushing the SaveOFMD material/data.

== Trends and Stats ==

== Valentine's Day Video For Prime ==

It’s Monday, which means it’s time to send Prime Video all our love ! Let’s #WooAsACrew 🐙💜 Vocals: ferventrabbit on Twitter Video: Giulianaazr on Twitter

== Event and Watch Party Reminders! ==

= OFMD Matelotage Processional =

Tues Feb 13: 8-11 am at: Kismet Salon 4111 W Olive Ave. Burbank CA 91505

If you show up-- you get free stickers!

= People of Earth Watch Party =

People of Earth Season 1: Episodes 3 and 4 tomorrow! If you don't have access reachout to @iamadequate1!

10 PM GMT / 5 PM EST / 4 PM CST / 2 PM PST

#PiratesOfEarth

#SaveOFMD

#AdoptOurCrew

= WooAsACrew =

Tue 13: Send @netflix some love!

== Cast & Crew Kudoboard ==

Hey all, I already made a short post about it but the Kudoboard was overrun by some absolute twats today so I had to lock it down with a password. If you'd like to still submit something to the cast and crew that's still doable, you'll just need the pw. Please just DM me here or twitter, or Instagram, or wherever you can find me or the @saveofmdcrewmates folks also have it. We will be sending it off / locking it on Valentine's day early morning so please reach out prior!

== Love Notes ==

Hey lovelies, I am really low on spoons tonight so I'm gonna let some other folks send you love on my behalf. See you tomorrow, all the love. <3

== Daily Darby / Tonight's Taika ==

Tonight's gifs are courtesy of:

Taika: @chrysalis-writes and Rhys: @thunderwingdoomslayer

Happy Murray Monday and Enjoy tomorrow's Taika Tuesday!

[mayapapaya33]

Knowledge and Power

I've been thinking about this for a while. They are in Vasselheim now, Is the Horn of Orcus ok? Has it been unsealed? Did someone manage to sneakily steal it when the solstice happened? I NEED TO KNOW MATTHEW!!! I'm mid episode 104. I know we have a lot going on right now, but Matt keeps dropping hints about what's happening elsewhere in the world, like Desirat being released from their prison, all of Vasselheim's dead rising, stuff like that. I need to know about the Horn! Come on Matt, give us a problem for Campaign 4! lol. It's great storytelling, fleshing out the reality that Bells Hells are one group of many fighting the good fight and a lot of shit is currently on fire right now. I've loved every bit of it.

The Horn of Orcus was also the first and most prominent time the concept of dangerous knowledge came up in the game. Not just in a "knowledge is power" way, but in that, by knowing the information you are giving power to something bad and opening yourself up to trouble, literally just by possessing the knowledge in your brain. It's such an interesting concept to explore in a magic setting. How knowledge and worship and power intertwine.

I myself am very anti-censorship Irl, but the very rare times it's justified in my opinion are for things like recipes for horrific biological or chemical weapons, stuff like that. That concept can be broadened in the context of magic, like in C2 when reading that book gave Beau and Caleb magic eye herpes lmfao. Usually I am very much on the freedom of information side of things, so Ludinus threatening to share information was a bit of a meh threat to me personally at first. While it would be very disruptive in the short term, and people may indeed kill each other over it, I do think historical truths should be freely disseminated, not hidden for fear that people are too stupid to handle it. (Even though people ARE often too stupid to handle it, we have a right to our own stupidity I feel).

What I'm wondering is if Ludinus is making a subtler play than they are imagining. Yes divide and conquer is a good tactic, and that information will help him get people disagreeing. But more than that, shaking the faith of mass swathes of people all at once CAN'T be good for a Godly constitution. I don't think it's just about swaying people to his cause, I think he's trying to strategically weaken the God's power base before the big throw down with Predathos. Kind of like what Vecna did/ tried to do in late C1. So stopping Ludinus from sharing this information might end up being VERY important in the grand scheme of things.

Yes people already knew the Gods destroyed Aeor, and I think it was even known that the Primes and Betrayers formed a temporary truce to handle the threat. But knowing that information academically and seeing it firsthand are two VERY different things. Seeing the Primes care about and bicker with the Betrayers like... well...siblings, may come as a slap in the face to the truly devout. Also how many people actually knew that about Aeor or that Aeor even existed? Not everyone is proficient in history nor religious studies. Not to drag this too much into the real world, but how many religious people actually read whatever book they claim faith in cover to cover and know the whole history of it? It's definitely not all of them lol.

I bet there's plenty of religious people in Exandria that don't know shit about Aeor. Most people in Vasselheim probably would, because that place is THE God city on Exandria and survived the Calamity, but everywhere else? Unless they were specifically interested in religious history, why would they know it? So the reveal has the potential to be very impactful still, both for it's visceral feeling in exposing a peak into the God's relationships, and their deeds, and it will still be new info for some.

[66sharkteeth]

What's the story behind your little shark mascot? I'm always interested in how people got their "brand logo" (so to say), so I'm very curious what yours is 👀👀

hmm... 66 lore? once upon a time, i had a different mascot (i think most people would argue it was a fursona lol) named Riko, short for my old deviantart name, Kairiko. But eventually I just moved away from that. That was kind of my high school era, and as I moved onto college, I just stopped talking to friends from that era as much. i also really wanted to move away from like...being associated with furries haha. 0 offense to them, but at the time most of that old friend group were furries and i wanted to associate as little with them as possible (after a few high school-level drama falling outs that left me with rather bitter feelings about furries). Plus, I never really considered myself one, even though most people considered me one since I used to draw a lot of sparkledogs and all my friends and ex-partner were furries.

basically, i still wanted a cute animal mascot but one that didn't scream "fursona" lol. and around then i really discovered i loved sharks! i had this shark hoodie and even IRL, everyone just began to associate me with it. so i just kinda embraced that and it stuck.

i'm sure this question didn't intend to spark my long history with furries but it was a very large chunk of my youth LOL and my shark was partially a response to getting away from it, so it's kind of part of it's creation. also, to be clear, i have no issue with furries today and even have made amends and am on good terms w/ a few of my friends from that era (who are all still avid furries).

that said, if you remember riko the bunny cat, you definitely earned your veterans card.

[ryuichirou]

Replies

Happy Saturday; a couple of short replies today.

Anonymous asked:

I sound dumb but on kofi I noticed that some of your drawings were labeled Fellow and Mob and there was one on Bluesky for Epel and Mob. Who or what or when is Mob? Is this the dude from Scott Pilgrim?

You are not dumb, Anon! No worries.

“Mob” is basically the same as “just random faceless guy/girl”. Here is a definition from this site:

In Japanese, モブ (short for モブキャラクター) refers to a character who plays a minor role in anime/manga/games.

Dorm students from TWST (the ones that aren’t our main characters) are technically all Mob, like Scarabia student B, Heartslabyul student A, etc. This term is also frequently used in doujins when a character is being paired with some rando, i.e. some pervy old man or just some faceless student. In case with Fellow and Epel it was a pervy old man...

But now I can’t stop thinking about Mobile sleeping around lol

Anonymous asked:

ryu i just wanted to let you know that your aot art still lives rent free in my mind specially the ereri ones you were such a visionary omg !!!! but your new drawings are just as beautiful <3

Oh my god, Ereri!

Thank you so much for your kindness, Anon! Hearing that it such a blast from the past, I can’t believe it’s been 3 years already… I am very excited to apply everything I’ve learned over these years art-wise to more Ereri stuff in the future (whenever it’ll be). So it’s great to hear that there are people who still remember us and our content with these two <3

I am very happy you like my new stuff as well, it means a lot!

Anonymous asked:

Was at a con last weekend and you were like every person's at the twst meetup favorite artist I'm not even kidding

No way… 😭 This is incredibly sweet, thank you very much!

In all honesty though, it really is very surprising, but amazing nonetheless. I am very happy to hear that. It’s hard to even imagine that I exist... irl? In other people’s lives? Idk how to put it.

Thank you for sharing, and I hope you (and everyone else) enjoyed the con.

Anonymous asked:

I wish I had an Idia dakimakura. No question just wanted to share my woes. I need to squeeze the life out of him :(

Honestly, I think a lot of lives would have been improved with an Idia dakimakura… He is very squeezable :”(

Anonymous asked:

I've been having the most intense Lilia/Idia thoughts lately and I just wanted to share them if you're interested.

Cause Idia and Lilia are gaming buddies, yeah?

And I just can't stop thinking about how if they were playing a game with comms, there could be other people there or not but having other people there makes it more fun, and Lilia just messing with Idia so hard.

Just saying the dirtiest stuff and Idia's on the other side of the comms blowing a fuse from all the stuff Lilia's saying.

And if there was people there and they heard that, then Idia would have to deal with the questions later and he'd blow a fuse again just out of embarrassment.

Maybe that's a strange thought to have, but I just wanted to share it cause why not?

LOL poor random people who have to play with these two fuckers! On the other hand, it’s probably very entertaining to listen to them lol

It’s also funny that Crimson Muscle seems to have kind of strict and mature, yet unexpectedly playful vibe, so the image in Idia’s head is very specific. But once they learn each other’s identity… maybe Lilia would start acting like his gremlin self more. He really could make Idia blow a fuse if he wanted to…

No matter what happens, people around them are going to think they’re dating lol

[didnt-hear-cold-as-you-live]

boi oh boi do I got some problems for anons to unpack with me tonight

When my current partner and I first got together (formally) in the late summer / early fall of 2020, he had JUST started part-time living at our friends house back in New England. He moved in, from New York, with her, because she had just ended a 10 year relationship and was mega-alone and mega-depressed. The beginning of this relationship was spent with him writing music with her as she coped with this breakup, etc. We were both sort of an emotional crutch for her while she had her (well deserved ffs) hoe phase, had her first boyfriend after the fact, they broke up, she spent some time alone and Worked On Herself, and then got into another relationship, which turned out to be a LTR.

I think I have posted on here (or maybe I haven't) about how hard I struggled with the fact that, after we moved to Montana and came back and the pandemic was declared "over", I moved back to NYC. He stayed in New England, and stayed there for another 2 years. I told him over and over and over and over again how driving back and forth to a place I was so burned by and had been longing to leave for my whole life (this friend lived, mind you, 10 minutes down the highway from my hometown), feeling so impermanent in NYC, the place I was trying to make my new home; never there enough time to establish anything real with anyone between tours and splitting time between NY and a place I resented, and it was killing me. Absolutely destroying me in every way. He had a lot of reasons which he thinks are justified but I don't agree with, and could nitpick how BS they are extra in hindsight (but won't here and am trying not to mentally do it irl): wanting to buy a house and liking that he lived somewhere for free + wanting to hang on to that as long as he could to save money for the house (v short summary, he was her employee for music stuff so she let him live there for free), he wanted a yard and a secluded home where he could make music loudly at any time of day in a way the city couldn't provide, etc. I begged him to move anywhere. I told him I'd leave NY, etc. We planned to move to Arizona, to Utah, back to Montana, but it kept getting pushed back to someday, someday, someday. This has long been litigated between us and forgiven, and he's been made to understand why it hurt me, and I can tell he's sorry about how it made me feel etc. so that's all fine.

Anyway, what finally DID make him move in with me was that this friend's LTR boyfriend wanted to move in, so he was kicked out. We, again, also, have long litigated the fact that this hurt me and made me feel like a consolation prize.

Now, though, this very same couple has just gotten engaged. And, okay, I know every couple moves at a different pace, obviously. That's a fact of life. But I've seen SO many couples, who got together LONG after we did, get engaged in the past year. That's the.... "normal" pace. I spent 5 years of my life in a different dead-end relationship already; and on this blog we've been over the numerous transgressions that made this current relationship sputter and stall out a few times like an almost-dead car engine. To be fair, me going to Australia for a year didn't help the "timeline" aspect, either. But I always justified the dead-end first LTR by saying, well, we got together when I was 17. Thank GOD we didn't get married! But how am I now here again, in a relationship that will, technically and as far as I'm concerned, be 5 years old in a few months, not one iota further than I was in the dead-end relationship from when I was 17? It doesn't feel right and it doesn't feel fair and even though the math is mathing and the things that happened in the past hurt and needed time to smooth them over, I find myself just so ANGRY that I've never been able to find and fall into something easy, like everyone else I know. I'm happy to have the prize I fought so hard for; I wanted it; I fought for it. But I look around at all the relationships that didn't start in complete disaster like mine did; girls who dated men with intense commitment issues and saw them for a waste of time, looking for the ones that were already ready and found them and slipped into something easy and simple and loving, and are already married off with that person. Why did I hurt myself so bad? Why did I fight so hard? Just to wind up triggered by waiting due to past events of this relationship and of the previous one; feeling unwanted as a result of lack of forward momentum, only waiting again now because of the WAY the waiting the first time fractured us and needed to be smoothed over? I don't know if I'm articulating it properly, but it fucking stings. And I don't say this to blame him because it's not his fault; not anymore, because he's more than atoned for all the Bad Stuff in the beginning. But that doesn't make the consequences that those things are having now any less real, and it doesn't help when I'm left to think about those things constantly while I attend wedding after wedding that isn't mine from relationship after relationship that started long after.

I also don't really feel like I can bring this up, because every SINGLE milestone of our relationship has been due to me begging for something to happen. I don't know how I can spend eternity in good consciousness if I do that to the last one too, and never get the satisfaction of knowing it was something he actually wanted. We're also also about to go on a trip in 2 weeks, and so I'm like, hey, maybe it'll happen there, but I want that feeling to come with EXCITEMENT, not relief and not some depressing just box to validate. And if I bring this up now, not only will I feel like it's forced, but I might shoot myself in the foot by causing another delay that fucks everything up to death,

UGH.

[pebblysand]

Are you working on any new projects that you feel like sharing with us

Love castles and you

Never gonna give you up never gonna turn around and dessert u

hey anon! apologies for the delay here. this is a very sweet anon that made me smile when i got it, so thank you ❤️.

regarding your question though... i suppose: not really? i don't know. it's complicated. to be fully transparent, i've not written a word since the end of castles. i know that for you it might feel like a long time because objectively, it has been five weeks, but for me, i just haven't had that much downtime since then. i spent almost four weeks in france post-publication, most of which were holidays where i wasn't working (at my IRL job, i mean). this was so peaceful and restful and nice but also so outside my usual routine that i didn't have much time to think about writing (or to really let the end of castles sink in, for that matter). i wrote 23 in about a month, and 24 over a weekend, so looking back, it all feels like one big feverish dream i haven't really had time to digest, yet. i came back to ireland just over two weeks ago and i don't know, i guess i've been... crashing - a bit? 😬

it's not bad. like, trust me, you don't need to worry about me - i'm alright. i've been distracting myself with going to london a couple weekends and have loads of other trips planned between now and christmas, which i am very much looking forward to and should keep me busy. i've been doing a lot of podcast-y things, i'm getting reacquainted with my friends who i've sadly neglected for far too long (hopefully they don't hate me too much, haha), and with life in general (i've been going running more consistently, i've done embroidery - lol 😅 - i'm thinking about signing up for pottery classes - the works, you know).

if i'm honest, on a deeper level though, i've been finding that i'm not quite sure what to do with all the time that is now on my hands. my anxiety skyrocketed early last week, which i know is just my brain slowly readapting to this new, post-castles normal, but which still very much sucked. i am worried about my dog's health and my mum's health, and loneliness in my thirties. i'm worried about my plans for next year, i am worried about whether i'll be capable of writing original fiction, and i am worried that now that castles is finished and that the post-completion around it has stopped, everyone will forget about me and no one will read my works anymore. again, 🙄 ugh.

having said that, here are my plans for the short, medium, and long term:

SHORT TERM (BETWEEN NOW AND DECEMBER)

i don't want to start any "big" project between now and december, tbh. i need to sit and breathe and recharge (see above). i could however ever see myself doing one or two short-ish things (under 10k), that i could get done over a weekend or something. in that list are:

the aoife one-shot (follow-up to the fault in faulty manufacturing) (likelihood: 90% - i've been meaning to write this for age, it haunts me. my only issue is that i'd love to write it for paddy's day but since the beginning of the year will probably be busy with other things - see below - it might be my winter project)

maybe a fic about pansy parkinson's side of the amycus story, possibly tying into chapter 22. (likelihood: 50% - i literally just had the idea for this this afternoon but i kind of like it. i've been fascinated with the concept of pansy parkinson lately, so we'll see.)

for reasons that i don't want to explain yet, i'll probably need to have a really good 3,500 words original fiction story written by march 2025. i should probably get started on it this autumn. (likelihood: 35% - i know me and i will probably be procrastinating this as much as i can because it's not "fun" and feels like a chore)

MEDIUM TERM (JANUARY TO SEPTEMBER)

there's literally an endless list of stories i'd like to write. some of them might be written next year, some of them might never get done. the current list includes:

HP Harry/Ginny Muggle College AU (likelihood: 20% - i love the idea of it but idk about the execution)

HP Harry/Ginny FWB AU (likelihood: 40% - this one i'm more interested in. could be a sort of AU of castles but could also stand alone)

Peaky Blinders Ada Character Piece (likelihood: 70% - i need to rewatch the show, but i really like that one. i already have a few paragraphs of this i'd written somewhere)

Peaky Blinders May Character Piece (likelihood: 60% - same as above, i also have it already started somewhere. i do feel like i'm more interested in Ada than i am in May right now, but we'll see)

The Good Wife Will Character Piece (likelihood: 60% - i've been meaning to write this for, like, 10 years. i just need to brave a full rewatch which, ugh)

HP Malfoy Character Piece (likelihood: 25% - idk. same as the college AU. i like the idea, but no idea about the execution. just marginally more interested in this one cause it's a character i've not explored before)

HP Harry/Pansy AU (likelihood: 10% - i've found a fantastic fic for this pairing already in existence, so that has satiated my need to write it, i think.)

Silk Martha/Clive Children AU (likelihood: 10% - it's a beautiful fic... in my head)

HP Hermione Character Piece (likelihood: 40% - i know you all want this one but honestly i'm not sure what i would have to say. it's a hard one because i would love to write it, i find hermione a very interesting character, but it also needs to narratively bring something that isn't already in castles. like, i don't want to repeat something people already know. so, we'll see. i will write it if i find an angle for it. i was going to write it as an ode to friendship - like: the long-standing nature of she and harry's friendship, the way everyone always focuses on romance when actually, platonic friendship is also very important to us as humans - but i think i already sort of blew that angle with Lily and Naran now. so, again, we'll see.)

Black Sisters Piece on Female Rage (likelihood: 20%. i had a very, very specific idea for this back in 2023 and i never wrote it. i'm thinking of revisiting)

having said that, i also know that January - March 2025 will really be the moment i'm planning on easing back into writing more frequently, but also the moment when i'll have to focus on original writing for a while (again, reasons i can't explain). so, write that 3,500 words short story, and outline a larger project. so, not sure i'll have much time for fanfic at the start of the year.

LONG TERM

there will be a book. i have an idea. i have characters. i need... an outline, and a plot, and all that stuff. i would love to outline january 2025-march 2025 (as said above), then to slowly start writing it as life allows. i think fanfic will remain my outlet, my "fun" thing, the thing i "cheat" on my main project with haha. we all need those.

i will keep you updated on all this as it happens, and i hope (hopehopehope) you stick around ❤️.

[atla-recluse]

About That One Moment in "Another Five More Short Graybles":

Content warning: A few references to abuse and abuser-victim dynamics, plus some images/artwork that some may find very disturbing or triggering.

Conclusion:

I truly believe that this moment, and maybe more-so what likely happens after it, are the moment that solidified Lemongrab 1's complete shift into tyranny and unlimited cruelty. When I say that, I'm not just talking about the toy and his anger over it. It's not and was never (just) about the toy (seriously, this dude could and would have snapped over anything).

It's about OG LG's increasingly intense need for control over everyone and everything and his ever-growing layer of extreme rage over...stuff from the past...that is always there. Taking is a bit further, it's actually about how LG viewed himself and his impulsive/compulsive behavior at that point.

Background:

So, a lot of people seemed to have thought/still think that LG is lacking in self-awareness, but I think this couldn't be further from the truth. LG is hyper-aware of himself and his actions. He knows there's something "wrong" with him. He (and those around him) just don't know what. So everyone in and out of universe find it easier to just be vague about the problem or not touch it at all.

I'll tell you what I think is wrong with him though: He's can't figure out how best to showcase empathy with others, or even fully decide if he truly wants to at all, so he typically just chooses not to.

(Also, he seems to be naturally more persnickity and "intense/passionate" than others, including LG2 even. At least when it comes to his beliefs and convictions. People irl who are like that can imagine, because of how we sometimes come across to others, even if we're trying to change.)

Wait, what? I'm actually arguing that LG1 is/was capable of empathy, you ask? YES I am. Because he was. The moments were small, but they were there and were very significant to those who care. OG LG had what I'd call "limited" empathy as well as "optional" empathy. He wasn't the best with others' emotions at initial meetings but he could understand concepts like that of insult, bonding (but couldn't do it himself at first) and not wanting to die or get hurt. (I might finish a post that explains some examples in the near future.)

He also chose who it was he would bestow his empathy upon for random and not-as-random reasons. In this sense, he's not that different from many of us. I also feel as though he could have had his sense of empathy increased and smoothed out with proper nurturing. But as we all know, that didn't happen.

Conclusion Expansion (1):

We see throughout his arc, that LG1 increasingly worsened over time. Not solely though. For a blip of a period, he seemed to be improving, happy even. That period was of course when he was still close with LG2. Then, the fight happened.

Slight (Noteworthy) Sidetrack:

It was so violent, even without showing us the gore. I'm actually a little shocked that there are people who think that scene is mainly or even only hilarious. It's terrifying to me whenever I see it, to the point where I often prefer to avoid it. That scene, to me, was yet another example of how much of an abuser LG1 has become, since his physical or emotional abandonment and/or since his creation. Is that obvious yet? LG1 was not just "lol random11!! hahaha craziiii!". He was insanely abusive. He was arguably abused himself, but that doesn't change the fact that he was an abuser, too.

He even showed all the classic signs of an abuser as far back as "You Made Me" but, really, it was truly first shown in "Too Young".

Conclusion Expansion (2):

His brother (Which I think was meant to be seen as being to LG1 whatever you wanted to see him as, homophobes!) along with Lemonhope, got the worst of it and perfectly illustrate two different types of lives and mentalities of many abuse victims.

One becomes, in a way, very self-centered and wants to escape no matter what, but stops thinking about what the rest of his family may be going through, also. The other wants to help others going through the same and won't leave them behind until the they have escaped on some level, even if it kills him (assuming he had the option to leave).

And tell we don't know plenty of irl examples where other families also went through an older sibling or partner taking advantage of and mistreating a younger sibling or partner. (Don't think too hard about the LG's being "brother-lovers", alright? It's all symbolic, anyway.)

Now a big question I and likely others have is this: Is he really "just like that?"

Frankly, I think he partially or fully either inherited it or learned it from his experiences. Or someone else... But I digress.

So yeah, I don't believe LG was just/solely born that way. Something about him changed sometime after he was born, I feel. But again, I can't quite say what because it was left ambiguous.

When he attacked his best friend for the first time and in such a gruesome manner... Well...ask yourself how that scene probably continued for the two of them? We actually saw the least scary part. Here's what I now headcanon as being the "right after":

LG has always had issues with his view of self and it causes him much pain. He doesn't know how to express the problem, so he basically just spazzes out. He seemed to have improved once his brother/partner came along, but in fact, this was only an illusion.

LG never properly healed from his trauma or bad habits, because no one—not himself and certainly not others—worked with him to treat and eventually heal that trauma and reverse those bad habits. (It doesn't mean they didn't want to, though.) It was only a matter of time before he lost it on his brother and people over something petty. Two beings can never be exactly the same anyway, "twin" or not.

(I'm not sure what the name of the artist who made this is. It's an amazing and very emotional piece, though.)

So with those awful images in mind, I think LG1 after devouring most of his own partner, may have paused for at least a moment, as LG2 managed to crawl away and look at him with such fear and hurt (perhaps looking like a reflection of himself) that LG1—if his self-awareness was on 100 that day—looked back at the mess he'd made of LG2's body and how their relationship would never be the same now, and decided "Haha wow...I AM a monsteerrrr!!!!".

And from there, he decided to just lean into the persona completely. After all, what did he have to lose? What important figure in his life up to this point didn't see him that way, anyway? Now even the partner he once loved and who once loved him, did too. Might as well accept it and just solely act like what everyone already knows him to be. Which to LG means just act like his usual self, btw. Control freaks like him can only relax for so long...

And that, everybody, is why that scene in AFMSG is so significant; and imo, devastating.

It should also be noted that despite what we see LG1 do to LG2, that he doesn't completely devour him (why, we don't know) and that he gave him (likely created for him) a tool that would allow him to still move around and didn't give him a shock collar. So LG2 is still a cut above the others in LG1's mind, it seems, but that doesn't mean that things hadn't reached rock bottom for them. They just had further to go, is all.

LG1 clearly no longer pedestalized LG2 anymore (and vice versa) and on some level likely blames LG2 for how he himself chose to react (pretty on-brand for both of them). Hence why, like some abusers, he seemed to now be withholding affection from LG2, wouldn't hear or accept LG2's own thoughts and opinions, (may have) starved him and why he pushed him down into and kept him in a subordinate position (something we once actually see him physically do to him at the dinner table).

Oh and here. Have another self-aware Lemongrab, far beyond post brother-attack:

This wild lemon man knew he was the monster/villain of the story at this point. 🍋 🥲

"Looking for something?

Well, you found me; Fat Lemongrab." - Original Lemongrab

[chronically-enthusiastic]

Hello there, thanks for stumbling across my blog!

(Here's a lil comic I made for a school assignment)

Artblog: @chronicallyartistic

Audio drama blog: @chronically-listeningtopodcasts

I'm going to start putting my social energy levels in my bio... There's a lot of stuff I want to respond to but i currently dont have the energy to do so, and so if I don't respond within like a day, check my bio and see that...

Who am I / Where else can you find me?

First of all, feel free to call me Eli!! I'm on the waiting list for an autism diagnosis. I am agender and aroace-spec.

I am verrryyy enthusiastic about the things I am interested in (hence the URL hehehe). And currently, those are: podcasts (theres a list at the bottom of the post), good omens, ofmd, bbc merlin, star trek!!!!, lotr, and probably more things that I am too tired to think of right now!

I use the queue! Im not awake at the ungodly hours i sometimes am seen posting at, I just dont want to utterly flood peoples dashes! I do reblog fandom stuff and things ive added anything to immediately, so if you see a few posts in short succession, im online!

I am a very big fan of the oxford comma and double brackets. Semicolons are pretty cool too. And ellipses are incredible.

i love all of my mutuals dearly!! Making cookies and hot chocolate for you all <33

I try to use tone tags as much as possible!

Boundaries:

Things I am okay with sharing/doing:

My age, gender/sexuality, things about my guinea pigs!!, and most other things

Things I am not okay with sharing/doing:

The city I live in, pictures of me/anyone I know, my full name, my birthdate, my phone number/email address, meeting up with people irl, sending/receiving money/gifts, dms (<- though if we're mutuals and interacted a lot dms are fine!!)

^ this applies to everyone im not in the discord with

I will let someone know if they cross boundaries, and *really* would like other people to let me know if I cross theirs!!

DNI: people who are here to spread hate and anger. Just, stay away. I dont engage in discourse. I know DNIs dont deterr these people, but this is a demonstration of my core values :)

Tags:

(At the top cause otherwise it will get lost) ALSO #tw body horror

I block quite a few tags but most notably #tw war and other ones to do with the war in israel/palestine. This is not because I don't care. I care so so so much about what is happening and I cry every time I see a post about it. It breaks my heart that such horrible things are happening. However, I really struggle with high empathy, and seeing a post about it can really affect me for a while, and I need tumblr to be a safe space away from the real world problems. If I follow you - please could you tag things to do with war. Thank you <3

Updated to clarify - I do block the generic tags such as Israel and Gaza, which most of the posts are tagged with by the op, so if you forget its no big deal!!

A list of all the podcasts I listen to because y'know, its fun:

Fiction:

The Amelia Project

Wooden Overcoats

The Adventure Zone

Sherlock & Co

Alba Salix

Unseen

And a whole lot more that i no longer listen to either because they havent updated or they are a little too creepy (Welcome to Night Vale falls into the latter category)

Science:

The Sci Guys

Lets Learn Everything

Lingthusiasm

A podcast of unnecessary detail.

Comedy/other:

Dear Hank and John

The Unmade Podcast

Books Unbound

Lateral

A book list of recommendations from mutuals for my own use:

abigail by Magda Szasbo (@mack-anthology-mp3)

The Alphabet of Candice Phee (@jamie-dinow)

A list of music reccomendations from mutuals:

in the lap of the gods revisited by queen, why can't i be you by the cure, pyramid song, and lucky & the tourist by radiohead, when the sun hits by slowdive, dancing barefoot by patti smith, tangerine by led zeppelin, autumn sweater by yo la tengo, rubber ring by the smiths, water by pj harvey (from @/mack-anthology-mp3)

imi hendrix’s all along the watchtower (from @/catholickedd)

[petrichoraline]

Thai BL Favorites List Tag Game

i got tagged in the summer lmao i've been struggling cause i simply can't make a completely honest list - my taste is too fluid and the definition of "fave" is a blur to me

thank you to my lovely @tenprem and @littleragondin for tagging me, consider yourselves tagged again in case your answers differ vastly from your previous ones hahah

💓Fave bl: default answer is Bad Buddy, current - Last Twilight and Cherry Magic..and Cooking Crush

👨🏻‍🤝‍👨🏻Favourite pairing: as in actors? if i say GunSing am i gonna get ToddBlack again? (im fine with DrakeSing too y'know, im just being teased atp)

honestly i don't know, i think of actors i really like but i'm not big on their counterparts..? i enjoy it a lot when they mix and match, i don't have anyone i particularly follow.. i will say MaxTul were super powerful, i really appreciate the bonds between a lot of pairs like ForceBook and i think some of them have amazing chemistry like FirstKhao but even though there are a few i would always try to tune in for like OffGun and YinWar, there's no one i can call a fave, i don't think..currently JimmySea are eating it up tho

🎭Most underrated actor: just the Wayufilm crew in general, I see them do fundraiser lives on yt all the time and I don't think they're that well known by the fandom

🧍‍♂️Favorite character: ig it is Karan currently, Tay really made the character shine in a different way than Machida Keita's Kurosawa and i can't get enough of those puppy eyes

🕴Favorite side character: rn it might be Metha from Cooking Crush? he's just a bit too charming for someone i'd punch if i met him irl..or Fire, i think writing about him made me fond, they're both so..this

📽Favorite scene: from all the thai bls i've seen?? there's beauty like THAT ITSAY scene, there's unexpected scenes i come back to like WaanTul in the last episode of Between Us, there's Nuea and Toh finally getting everything out in the open..there's the Kitty Gang in FUTS going up the elevator, the ep.5 KinnPorsche scene..most of PatPran's scenes!! like how am i supposed to even start choosing lmao

i'm gonna say (after i catch up with my shows this whole list would prolly be different, it could be Karan's scream soon) the one from my recent shows is the rooftop scene from LTTS..sue me for being basic, i'll plead guilty

📝Favorite line: nth has ever quite stuck with me as "do you want us to be friends?" "no." so let's go with it

🃏Most anticipated bl and why: let's say Jack and Joker hahah, I hope it works out <3 i want to see a project YinWar have certain freedom over completed successfully - even if it ends up not being my thing, they deserve to share their talents and artistic vision. they are trying something new, maybe there will be a nice balance between comedy and drama and also it seems like those characters are meant to be whipped for each other and YinWar can pull that off splendidly

👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨Healthiest relationship in a bl: PatPran and PuenTalay are the first to come to mind, the communication and conflict resolution skills are on another level

💢Most toxic relationship in a bl: I suppose it would be VeeMark before the end or maybe DimGreen from 2gether? I also personally don't like Mayom and Nadia from My Ride but I can't tell if they're actually toxic 😄 and im reminded of GramBlack cause that friendship sucks imho

OH WAIT PiMork is pretty bad. yeah, maybe not the worst but they've got a spot on the list..and ig TehOhAew but I have not actually seen s2 so overall I don't have a definitive opinion :')

🍿Guilty pleasure series: i guess it would be Cause You're My Boy (My Tee) because everyone hates on it but I binged it and had a good time 🤷‍♀️ also I Will Knock You cause it has some questionable elements but it's also very special

❎Most underrated series: out of what I've seen it would obviously be Rainbow Lagoon but it's two episodes, not sure if it counts as a series.. really sweet short watch though, you should give it a try here 🥰

also maybe The Best Story? I didn't like it that much because of the ending but it's younger YinWar and I never hear anyone talk about it; I'd say they were pretty good at it 😊

i'm tagging @sommmnus @forcebook @catboyjosten @sparklyeyedhimbo @lovesickfolly @sollucets as per usual no pressure and sorry if youve done it ❤

[gamenburger]

update on Review of the Killer print versions

Hello everyone who has followed me after my zine release. Thank you! You can expect other (hopefully) cool things from me about many things both niche and big, so look forward to that.

But about some things I'll be releasing probably tonight:

So what many of you might not know is that I finished playing Anthology of the killer, fell in love with it, and realized I needed to write something about it- esp when I discovered the bonus zine tucked away in the files. I realized that the steam release was in 14 days, and so i tried to do something I never do: finish something on a short deadline. This meant my life sort of became this zine outside of work (and inside of work. wouldn't it be cool if slime cooper ever stole time from work?? what am I saying), but even with dedication you end up running into time slipping away and things getting cut. 24 pages gets cut to 20 (which I will discuss in detail in the bonus features coming out in a few days) but the biggest thing to get shafted was the quality of the print versions. So let's really talk about this: I don't know jack shit about printing, in the way nobody knows jack shit about anything until they do it a bunch. So yes- those bleed versions are -bit- worthless since they will always provide no actual bleed on one side. Those black and white versions will look, well, strange. because they unfortunately use a lot of red, which will look very dark in greyscale. I also use a lot of flats because it looks nice in color, but in grey you really need images to have a lot more space (except for the black zones. Tbh I love wasting ink on a big blob of ink for contrast sometimes. I do it IRL all the time with my actual ink). In addition, it turns out printer settings that have booklet modes will force margins on the interior page side as well. It means I need to make versions of the pages that are pre formatted to print booklet mode, rather than relying on you to have a printer that does the hardwork for you. I was simply running out of time, and needed to get *something* out that could be printed.

Also it turns out if you don't bundle everything in a zip file, nobody downloads the readme. There was useful stuff in there!!! But I understand. I know why you wouldn't read it. I'm just shaking my head over here because i literally declare my love for you (yes you, reading this) in the readme. SMH, once again. So here is what i'm doing tonight:

extending the border trim of all pages so that way the master bleed version will ACTUALLY have room for bleed (1/8th of an inch around) for both formats.

Make new print versions that ALSO have the bleed room left in for Letterhead and A4, in case you felt like getting these professionally printed. I do all my stuff homegrown, so this truly is for in case you wanted to sell these. Which you totally can!! But I say that because I'm picturing someone actually thinking the thought "i'm going to print this zine read by about 150 people and print it for mega profit, and ill do this by spending 500 dollars at a print shop" and my brain instead pictures a dog dressed in a really cute clown outfit instead, because seriously who is that? Just print some printer copies and give them to some bookstores. Keep the money they give u so you can make the money on material back, and maybe buy some more cool artist's stuff.

Looking at all my pages and adjusting them by hand to be more economic for black and white printers in new separate Greyscale editions. This will include adjusting some colors manually, as well as doing that cool dot thing that printers do (well, i guess all printers do this just really finely) to save on ink. Plus the texture will look better on crazy cool looking paper. Seriously go visit a paper store. They make all sorts of nuts stuff. Read the manual for your home printer too- it can take a lot more punishment than you realize.

Correcting some egregious spelling mistakes. I am sorry. Lmfao. grant me this one indulgence since I literally gave everyone a free pass to distribute it.

Zip up all the print versions together in organized folders, along with and updated readme, including new instructions for all the versions as well as how to print these if you have a printer that doesn't do double sided printing. I glibly said "just go to library" in the original readme, but seriously. I had no clue how to do anything as a baby child and so i have deep sympathies for anyone in the exact position I was (not knowing anything+not having anything).

The in browser version might get updated as well. I'm not honestly sure tho... part of me is super against editing. but man those grammar errors on the paper doll pages are bad... lol anyways have fun with these. If you print them/ give them out you do not have to give me money- although i like money. well, i like not not having money, if that makes sense. but im already not not not having money, so thats why i'm fine with you all selling it- I'm not a starving artist, and I would rather u all get some of that not not not having money in your life so you can spread it around to artists who are! And if you print them, please show me pictures, esp if they go on a shelf or in a library somewhere. I love seeing things out and about. And once again, thank you for reading and sharing this online. This has crossed the threshold for everything else I've ever published as far as confirmed reads, and i've received a lot of kind words from a lot of kind folks about things I've personally agonized about trying to get right. Its validating. Its nice.

okay kids, you can go back to playing. thank you for listening to this old skeleton tell you some things about paper.

[zhongrin]

Hi 🥺 ihope this don't sound weird but i have been thinking of learning the gǔzhēng too 💅 And i was wondering if you have any tips on where to start? And maybe what you like and dislike about learning it? ~Z

GASP?!??! YES HELLO GUZHENG FRIEND!??!!! 🥺

definitely not weird, i understand how daunting it is to start learning anything at all ;w; though i'm not sure if i should be giving advice?? given that i'm still a beginner myself ;;;; uhmm maybe i can just ramble a bit about my experience and hopefully that gives some insight on what to expect? (utc because this got kinda long oof)

personally for me, i took an introductory workshop and trial lessons so i can actually try playing it several times before signing up for actual classes and buying the instrument. if it's at all possible, i'd suggest doing this first before making the decision to pursue learning it... i mean, the last thing you want to do is to back out after you spend money (mine was US$600+ and it's the cheapest one; the high-end ones like dunhuang costs US$1000-$2500+... idk where you live so that might not include shipping fees + custom taxes too) and dedicate a space on your home (normal-sized ones are as tall as i am, like 165cm. DON'T buy 'travel sized' ones.... they're more expensive & shorter string = more tension = harder to press which isn't good for beginners apparently) for a guzheng.

also, i have very minimal to no musical knowledge at all, so having an actual teacher helped a lot in my case! having a teacher also helps you a lot to build good habits on your posture, controlling your fingering, and giving advices/corrections specifically for you. the best part to me is that they give you encouragements, so you'll keep going! and you get to see how an expert does it irl, so you have a goal that looks tangible enough to do, yk?

but if getting a teacher isn't plausible for you, then there are online tutorials, of course.... but i can't talk on how good they are, sorry ;w;

likes..... hmmm. i mean, obviously i LOVE the sound of a guzheng. and for me, it's been super fun to learn so far. the instrument has been super engaging and i love how everyone always do a double take whenever the topic comes up in conversations lol plus, coming from someone without musical background, the jianpu notation is a blessing...

oh also, this is such a weird thing.... but i used to really dislike my fingers? i used to think they were so sausage-like and stumpy. but perhaps because i stare at them for so long when i play, i've grown to really like them. they're adorable. whoever my future partner is (if they exist) they better be endeared by how short they are 🤣

as for dislikes.... OH I KNOW. THE NAILS. PUTTING ON THE NAILS ARE SUCH A HASSLE hsldkjfklsdjlfkjsd OK LOOK. LOOK. i too, think that 'huh, can't be that bad' at first. but when you start playing with two hands? IT'S SUCH A HASSLE TO PUT ON AND TAKE OFF 😭 also the tapes always go loose on the ends after like. idk. two sessions? grgrgr annoying >:(

bonus: DO (learn) IT FOR HIM (our lord and savior rex lapis) dear god that smooth tremolo when will it be me

[therk900]

🫧February TC Challenge (Day 1-29)🫧

1. Do you have more platonic or romantic feelings for them? Romantic feelings tbh

2. Have they ever physically touched you? Yes. A has lots of times, mainly through high fives or "accidental" knee touching! I have touched S's shoulder once. M and i have knocked hands a few times

3. Would you ever plan to pursue them when you graduate? (And when you’re legal) Maybe! Haven't completely decided yet

4. Do you know their birthday/zodiac sign? I know what zodiac sign S is since i know his birthday

5. Do you know their favourite colour? Nope

6. What do they teach? B taught English, M and S teaches science. S also teaches Italian.

7. Do you think you’re their favourite student? I have no clue. Hopefully i am!

8. Are they tall, short, or average height? S is tall. And i mean VERY tall. B is average...man height?? A is 5'11" and M is just a bit shorter than S. I think N is around the same height as M, maybe a cm taller

9. Do they have any pets? B did have a cat once, but it had to be put down when B was 16. M also had a couple pets

10. Do you ever plan to confess your feelings to them? (Careful with this one, they could possibly lose their job or get you in trouble) I don't know, maybe not. i don't want them to lose their jobs. maybe after i leave if i keep in touch with them

11. Do you know any of their talents? S is good at netball if that counts as a talent. N knows how to play the guitar and A knows how to play an instrument (i forget which one 😬)!

12. How often do you think of them? Most of the time

13. Have you told anybody irl about your crush? Yes. I have told my friend. She is the only one that knows

14. Be honest: Do you think you're in love? Happy Valentines Day everyone! To be completely honest, maybe! There are so many things that i've done with all of them that have stuck with me and still make me happy!

15. Do they motivate you to come to school? They motivate me all the time

16. Have you ever seen them cry? I haven’t, no

17. What kind of dynamic do you guys have? M is so fucking nice and caring towards me! He just treats me more differently then other students! A said to my mum personally that I’m his favourite student! He is fun to be around! S likes to joke around with me all the time, and we have this special bond and also treats me differently than other students! B used to be so caring towards me! N is like S!

18. Have they ever caught you staring? I'm pretty sure on multiple occasions

19. What was the most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of them? (All of us have done some pretty embarrassing stuff, let’s be honest.) Falling in front of S multiple times (haha, i'm so clumsy) and crying in front of B 

20. Do they make you feel safe/loved? Yes

21. Have they ever rendered you speechless? Multiple times. It is a bit embarrassing when it happens. They help me to get my words out which is good

22. Are they a good teacher? They are amazing! Other students think so as well

23. Is there something they do that gives you the ick? No

24. Are you guys close? Well, kind of. With M, N and S, we are very close! A and i are quite close as well! B and i were close, but not as close as the rest.

25. Have you ever looked for their initial in those stupid TikToks that eight year olds make? I have a couple times. I just do it for fun

26. Have you ever dreamed about them? Plenty of times! I love each and ever one of them

27. Do you see yourself in a relationship with them? Kind of

28. Have you ever cried in front of them? I have cried in front of B and N once. S saw me just after I have cried which was embarrassing. M has seen me nearly cry. i was so close to crying in front of him, but i didn't.

29. How often do you speak to him/her? All the time 

[l-tora-l-archived]

HELLO CUTIE WHATS UR MAIN BLOG, SHARE PLS XOXO

HIIII sorry for taking like ten centuries to respond to this but like tbh ;; Im quitting tumblr I think. (ALSO UNI PLS IGNORE THIS LOL ITS MAINLY FOR EVERYONE ELSE CAUSE I ALR TOLD YOU ID POST THIS HAHA😭🙏)

Mega explanation under the cut talking abt some of the trashy behaviour I've had to experience on this forsaken app over the years, but mostly how I feel about it so yeah if you don't care that's alr hope everyone has a good life, cause as I said I quit.

I deleted the new blog I ended up making bc this environment has never really been welcoming to me and I can 100% say that tumblr has actively made my experiences with practically everything irl AND online worse than any fruitful goodness it has or could ever bring. From putting my everything into relationships including comfort, support and psychological + therapeutic sessions for people even over ten yrs older than me (at times older) without even getting a single kind thought back, to the genuine rudeness of some people, to the (excuse my language) but half assed and crude responses I receive ... honestly the list is endless.

One thing I'm trying to get better at is to notice when my presence is clearly not wanted and act accordingly. It's just saddening that the one place where it's encouraged to be your true "nerdy" self, as the catchphrase of this site is, I am not allowed to be just that. I really do wonder what part of me is so incredibly intolerable or forgettable, that I am expected to practically grovel for even ten minutes of people's time - and that's with the closest people I know, forget abt ten minutes for regular conversation I can't even get ten minutes from the people I stood with through thick and thin with, even though I myself struggle really hard to be there and yet always am.

From now on I'll just say that no I will definitely not come back, I will also not use this account and if I ever DO come back it would probably just be a call out thread on SOME people who deserve jail time more than silly time on tumblr dot come /hj (but not rlly hj hahejdsj this is so srs and continues to impact my life after almost 2 years ... but ugh what.ever.😀👍). But I'm also a coward ngl so like that would never happen !

I would say "oh btw I have this account you can keep in touch on ! :>" but truthfully, I am so let down by how uninteractive, uncaring and exclusionary everyone is no matter how hard I try to do the best I can to treat others how I'd love to be treated, and how I basically am sweating to keep convos going, bc in truth I don't think anyone rlly likes me enough here or anywhere really to even want to talk to me in general, so I'll spare you all that. The proof is literally in the fact that I've amassed a sizeable following which I am shocked with, yet despite it all I feel so lonely bc nobody even bothers with me at all whilst ppl who just start out get 50 best friends in such a short time frame. I see I am not everyone's cup of tea.

I once thought maybe just maybe I could have a good time online just how everyone suggests that online is better than irl and it is a reprieve for some. Looks like I am eternally unlucky bc how is online on par or perhaps even worse than irl for me ? And make no mistake irl is atrocious to me too.

I do not mean this to be passive aggressive but I just want to communicate my thoughts. If I was being passive aggressive that'd imply that I knew that everyone here was capable of treating me as I wanted, as I have consistently treated my "friends" on here, as a reciprocated effort. But as this thread suggests, that was and can never be a reality for me.

TLDR // not coming back bc :

People genuinely don't care or don't put in any effort at all

Bullies (mean ppl way at the beginning of my account) + I am let down how everyone let TWO whole adults get away with being weird to a then minor (me) right in front of your faces

Very traumatised and uncomfortable being on this app to the point I can barely even socialise at all from the precipitating impacts.

Hope everyone has a good life.

[echolaliaplayer]

Long winding rant about bullshit under the cut, I warned you

what part of trans Tumblr am I even in. Every day I keep finding new [animal]girl[body part]s so I don't think it's that part of trans Tumblr. I refuse to post with any kind of seriousness so it probably isn't the theory girls as much as I appreciate them. I don't really hornypost much anymore although I'd like to change that. I guess it's largely up to how others see me. Why am I here?

I don't think I have the follower count to be clouted on here and frankly that seems hollow compared to the fun I had in just finding people (or people's accounts, as one such account pointed out to me) I could befriend or associate with to some degree. It's fun (? - wrong word but there's an enjoyability to it that makes it repeatable) to just care a little bit though I lack the proximity or resources for anything more than words with those people, so I get it might not be for everyone. I guess it's all I have in place of exchange of small trinkets with people met along travels I also don't have (although I do plan to exchange parcels or digital files with some of you and I'm looking forward to it). I'm worried there might be a critical mass at some point where I simply don't have time to meet new people because I have to keep up with old mutuals and balance real life friends and what not. If we're mutuals and you're reading this far and I haven't contacted you it's certainly nothing personal, you're recognisable to me most likely I just haven't had time/courage I probably think you're really cool.

So that also leads me to the question of my current Tumblr use pattern. This stuff is mental cigarettes for me. I'm on here hourly at least if I'm not completely preoccupied by, like, sleep, driving, sex, showering, random activities that require my full attention. Eating alone or shitting are not sacred frankly. Not sure that's very good for my cognitive health or just like. Life experience. How I relate to people IRL. That's had issues long before this account so it isn't the sole culprit but it's something to keep in mind. It reinforces a tendency for easy stimulation that I think can thwart conversational ability; it turns the other party's words into one-sided consumption with little consideration for reply (although my job does this as well, it's the whole point of it) and frames how you approach responses in a way that is less about a meaningful reply and more about. Idk. Generating something someone undefined approves of - no that's wrong. I just no longer feel in the moment in a lot of conversations, absorbed to a degree by time with another. I desperately want that back. This isn't really about Tumblr at all is it. This is about the very short loop that my brain goes through that prevents me from acquiescence to a moment. Nothing feels lived. It hasn't in a long time and I'm only getting flickers of it with HRT. Clearly dysphoria hasn't been my only problem for a long time but how would I know? My hormones haven't been right and

It's such a tough loop to even approach. Probing it mentally causes nausea. I was acutely aware of it the last time I was on psychedelics and I spent the whole time feeling ill. During it I could occasionally lose myself in something and then I would be dragged out by physically disgusting feelings in my gut and just anxiousness about it. But I notice "seed thoughts" for it now. I feel it before anything physical. It's odd. The thought is leaving my head now and I'm tipsy after day drinking. Where was I? "Love you all, talk soon", I think. Seems nice to end this on that.