#but also idk. idk if im on the right here but it just feels super fucked up that i cant just say 'well i didnt write my full name bc
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enden-k · 12 hours ago
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"Ik ppl are here for fanarts" I cannot 100% remember what I found your blog(s) through but I do know that I think of your art and immediately am plagued with thoughts of your ocs bc I love them very much
I super get the mindset of wanting to please the audience you initially got with what they followed for, and I can't speak for everyone, but I'm definitely following *for* the ocs at this point.
Saran specifically lives rent free in my head which is rude bc he already has someone for that
idk how to respond but thanks for the message aaa
its not only just feeling like i need to draw fanart again, i also kinda want to but i just feel so disconnected from the people and the characters rn eugh (and also the lack of insanity and interest abt things, this is usually my fuel for drawing fanart), its so difficult. also no matter how many ppl genuinely enjoy my oc stuff (which makes me super happy and grateful) i jsut cant help but feel a bit guilty for drawing oc and its confusing and annoying. why am i feeling guilty for doing things that make me happy and dont harm others, right? so stupid
eh but well atp im just venting. thanks again for the message tho
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asfdhgsdkjhgb · 2 months ago
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had quite the night drive earlier this evening.
#just me rambling again#web weaving#(?)#uh. one of my friends who is out of town for college was visiting and i got to see him and our friends and the only core member of that#group of people missing was my ex girlfriend who you may also know of as my wonderful wife#who has I assume been very busy with their own life things but has also barely and very sparsely had any hint of communication with any of#us within the past few months which I've been realizing very recently sort of hurts my feelings because we used to be so close and#they had been saying that they would be constantly making sure we still were in each other's lives. but then very quickly have#seemingly dropped off the face of the earth#anyways. I was driving aforementioned friend who is in town back home (family home not college obv) and when i was finally going back#towards my house afterwards my Google maps finally lead me to an area that i was more familiar with driving and i got to an#intersection and it was telling me to take a right to go home but i knew that i knew the way perfectly from that intersection to my#ex girlfriend / best friend / wifes familys house from all of the times I've gone that direction through the past years and so#i turned off my directions and i took a left towards their house#not super sure why but my brain and body just knew it was something i needed to do and so i went and drove down their street and cried#a lot the whole time and then drove myself home from their house once again following a super familiar path#and idk im still feeling very emotional about it. the fact that halloween by noah kahan was the first song to play on Spotify#after i made that left turn im sure didnt help (knowing that i miss them so much and am going to be leaving this area myself#soon enough here and there's been an open offer for a while now that they are welcome to follow and live with me once they get their degree#(and also um. halloween is next week lol)#idk i just havent felt the full force of how badly i miss having them in my life until tonight. when i was around this person i could feel#our souls singing in harmony. i genuinely cannot describe the feelings of our relationship in words i feel like only vaguely abstract art#could communicate the connection that was forged between us and the level of understanding and knowing#something not dissimilar to looking into the sun directly or trying to describe a vivid color to someone who is completely blind#something about the way the entire universe breathes in unison and everything around us are all pieces of the same stars#sigh#i miss my wife tails i miss her a lot /ref
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mojaves · 11 months ago
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this whole weekend has felt SO off idk whats been in the air these last two days but i would love for it to be monday now thank you!!!!
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bnuyy · 1 year ago
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🪼. .
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reidrum · 6 months ago
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like i would | s.r
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pairing: spencer reid x bau!fem!reader
a/n: ok im gonna be honest idk how i feel about this one, i just wanted to finish it and put it out so apologies in advance if its not the best lol. this was requested with the prompt "i bet he can't fuck you like i can"! feedback and reblogs are always appreciated ! thanks for being paitent while i got this one out <3
cw: 18+ minors dni, smut, fingering, munch!spencer, jealous!spencer, unprotected p in v (wrap it before you whack it), reader's bf has a name which i hate in fics but its so hard to write this trope without a name so, afab!reader,
summary: a confession about your sex life makes it's way to the one person you'd hope wouldn't hear, and now he's determined to rectify the way you've been wronged
wc: 4.5k
_____________
you were a great asset to the bau. it was why you were personally recommended by emily to transfer out of sex crimes, the skill set you brought alongside the field training you had proved to be vital for the team’s success lately. you were also a great asset to the team. the bau was notorious for having people turnover fast, and you knew they were apprehensive with newcomers. but you managed to hit it off with every single member, one more than others.
spencer reid did not expect someone like you to join the team. not that he didn’t have faith in your talents and skills, he’s read your file and obviously knows you’re more than qualified to be here. he just did not expect someone who looked like you to join the team, someone who didn’t look beaten down by the horrors of the world and still believed in pots of gold at the end of rainbows. 
it didn’t help that you were so beautiful he literally would feel his heart ache when you walked in. like literally, would have to rub his chest to soothe the pain. and as spencer would, he would logic out his feelings with science because that’s all they are, scientific chemical reactions in the body. but what he felt in your friendship, what he felt when he was lucky enough to be in your presence, was something no textbook, theorem, or equation could explain.
so imagine the size of the fucking hammer coming down on his head when he finds out you have a boyfriend who: 1. is not him, and 2. is an actual real life bozo.
apparently you’d been seeing damon from organized crime for about a month now, that’s what he heard from penelope, and you ‘claim’ to be super happy. 
spencer doesn’t buy it.
he’s seen the way your ‘relationship’ operates, and he’s got the facts to back it up. damon never lets you get a word in when you’re in group settings, even purposefully talking over you when you’re clearly attempting to speak. majority of the time he’s condescending about your job as a profiler for the bau, saying that him and his team bring down drug rings, but you guys ‘just read their horoscope or whatever and decide the killer.’
it made spencer’s blood boil hotter than the sun. he couldn’t figure out why you put up with it, and why you continue to.
the final straw that broke the camel's back about his disapproval on your relationship choices, is what he overheard on the jet one time on the way back from a case.
the girls were talking in the back of the jet, unaware of spencer’s very awake mind despite his visibly sleeping body.
“i don’t know guys,” you had started with a sigh, “you think it’s weird right?”
“that your own boyfriend won’t go down on you? yeah hon, that’s fucking weird.” emily strikes.
“what did he say exactly?” jj asked.
“he said it increases the risk of STIs on the mouth? and doesn’t like the feeling of thighs crushing his head? and that even with all the … grooming … it’s still unnatural ?”
emily gagged while jj continued, “um…but do you like…on him?”
“yes! he literally won’t touch me unless i do!” you rage whisper.
“i am about to give him an organized crime to deal with,” emily half jokes, “what an asshole, why are you still with him?”
“i don’t know, he’s still nice to me i guess, and maybe i’m just being dramatic. or maybe i’m just not someone people go down on, who knows.” you sigh.
spencer stops listening, he can’t hear you talk so poorly of yourself. not when it’s so far from the truth yet you’ve been indoctrinated to think it’s accurate. how anyone could take advantage of you like that is beyond him, but it did light a fire inside of him and made him determined to help you realize you deserve so much better. if that happens to be him, then who is he to fight that?
spencer doesn’t get his chance to prove it to you for another two weeks, when you’d come over to his apartment for a movie night after getting in a fight with damon, your date night being canceled and leading you to spencer’s doorsteps, all dolled up with tears lining your eyes asking to come in.
he doesn’t even have time to be mad at your shithole boyfriend when he’s ushering you inside, offering you to sit on the couch while he goes and put a kettle on the stove for tea.
“i’m really sorry to just show up like this, spence.”
he doesn’t even blink before calling out from the kitchen, “don’t apologize, i’m always here for you. anytime and anywhere.”
you give him a soft smile before returning your gaze to the soft glow of doctor who.
he returns cradling two mugs in one hand and a pack of haribo gummies in the other. spencer doesn’t care for gummies, he’s more of a chocolate guy, but he knows it’s your favorite. so he makes sure to keep a couple bags in his apartment for you.
“my favorite!” you gush. his heart warms at your smile as he sits next to you on the couch. you naturally gravitate towards him to lean your head on his shoulder, and it’s automatic for spencer to wrap an arm around your shoulders to pull you closer.
the whirs and whooshes of the tardis fill the silence for the next hour as you visibly become calmer than when you first arrived. he decides this is a good time to ask, “do you want to talk about it?” as he turns his head to look at you.
“i don’t know,” you say quietly popping another gummy in, “i’m starting to believe it's just a me problem. like, maybe i’m just objectively not a great partner, and that’s why we keep getting in these fights. you know this time, he said i’m not worth all the effort and stress i bring him and that because of me he’s gonna bald at 29? i’m not a scientist like you or anything but even i know that, at least, can’t be my fault.” you end with a chuckle.
spencer knows he should probably comfort you in this time of honesty you’ve graced him with, squash your insecurities like a pesky bug on the windshield, and tell you how beautiful you are in as many words it’ll take for you to believe it (and he knows a lot of words).
but right now? he’s just fucking pissed.
not at you, never at you. at your situation, yes. at that sorry excuse of a partner let alone agent, immensely.
so he can’t help what escapes his mouth next, “why do you let yourself get treated like shit?”
you look up at him in surprise, at both the cursing and what he said, “what?”
“you’re constantly talking about how awful he treats you, and yet everyday you still go back to him knowing it’s going to repeat the next day. i just want to know why you don’t respect yourself enough to not let that happen to you.”
pulling away to sit far from him on the couch,  you start letting the annoyance show on your face, “spencer, that’s not fair at all. you think it’s my fault? do you really think i want to feel like this?”
“yes!” he shouts, “you seem like you do with how much you crawl back to him everytime, and everytime you let him back in.”
“okay, i think i should go,” you stand up and grab your things, “it was a mistake to come here, goodbye spencer.”
he grabs your wrist before you can get too far, “i just have to know, what is it?”
“what’s what spence, let me go.”
“what keeps you going back to him, it can’t be because you love him. it’s obviously not because you’re happy with him,” he lets out.
“you don’t know anything about me or my life, spencer!” you snatch away your arm and start heading towards the door.
“it’s definitely not because the sex is good, because i know it’s not.”
any emotion you had on your face wipes away like an etch a sketch, staring blankly at the door, hearing the man you’ve harbored a crush on since you started at the bureau years ago, telling you he knows your sex life is abysmal.
your voice comes out small, “h- how would you know that?” you don’t dare to turn around, knowing that if you did any resolve you held onto, any denial of emotions you’ve stripped from yourself would come pouring out like a broken dam.
the couch groans at a loss of weight, and the floorboards creak closer and closer to you.
“i heard you, on the jet.”
you’re especially glad he can’t see the blood draining from your face. if your heart already wasn’t at your feet, it’s most likely six feet under at this point. 
he heard you?
“when you were talking with the others about how he doesn’t reciprocate, and won’t sleep with you unless you get him off.” he continues.
the room is getting hotter by the millisecond, temperature about to be comparable to the sun’s core. it’s one thing to have just anyone hear the intimate details of your life, but spencer? the man to which you’d been using damon to get over?
the only sound that can be heard is your increasingly heavy breathing, and spencer feels like he’s caught a fish on his line and is ready to reel you in as he inches closer to you.
“you’re okay with that? not being taken care of in the way you deserve?”
his presence is merely nanometers behind you, the ghost of his fingers looking for landing on your hips. when you don’t move away, and he hears your breath hitch at the contact, he sets his hands more earnestly on your curves as he leans down to the nape of your neck.
“just don’t know,” kiss, “how anyone,” kiss, “wouldn’t want,” kiss, “to give you everything.” kiss.
your head lolls back onto his firm chest as he whispers in your ear, “cat got your tongue, sweetheart? you were so mouthy not even five minutes ago. be honest with me, has he even ever made you come?”
the whimpers escape you without warning and you find a single decibel of voice to speak, “spencer…” hoping the whine would dissuade him to let it go.
“uh uh, i asked you a question,” his arm tightens around the front of your waist to press back and fully feel him, “answer me.”
your lexicon has depleted except for the one word you know he’s desperately waiting for you to say, and the one he knows is the answer. yet you know the second it leaves your mouth, everything changes. and maybe you’re okay with that.
“no.”
spencer hums lowly, “has anyone made you come?”
“no.” you say again, softer this time.
“should we change that?”
this was not what you expected when you came to see him after your failed night out. the amount of processing you’d done in the last year to essentially not be thinking about spencer 24/7 was extensive. and you were ready to render it all useless in a matter of seconds.
so you let the strap of your bag fall down your arm and hit the ground with a thud, and finally turned around to look the good doctor in his eyes. while his voice held traces of anger and frustration, you came to see his eyes were full of reassurance and comfort, the spence you always knew to prioritize your wellbeing more than anything.
he looked down at you and slid his hand to up to cup your jaw, and he hears the smallest murmur, so delicate yet so full of want leave your lips.
“yes.”
that was all spencer needed to catch your lips in a heated kiss, moving your body to the closest wall as he places a hand behind your head to protect you from the wall’s impact while the other pins your waist to the wall.
you move your arms to wrap around his neck and keep him pinned to you with no escape, like he’d ever want to. his lips detach from yours and make a descent towards your neck again, taking deliberate effort to locate the sensitive spots.
he finds one just behind your ear and spends time sucking and bruising up the spot, relishing in the soft whimpers leaving your mouth. while you’re lost in the sensation on your neck, you don’t notice spencer move one of his hands closer to the button of your pants, effortlessly (and impressively) opening it up.
detaching from your neck with a heavy pant, he moves back to lean against your forehead with his own and look you in the eyes to ask, “is this okay? we can stop if you want, i didn’t mean to be so forw-“
“please don’t stop.”
he searches your eyes for any conflict and finds none, considering it the okay to continue his downward descent. he returns his lips to the second home they’ve made on your lips and starts to push your pants down over the curve of your ass, leaving your panties on.
the flash of purple lace underwear glares at him when he glances down, and suddenly he remembers what got him in this position in the first place.
“were you wearing this for him?” he lets out condescendingly, “you really think he deserved to see you like this?”
spencer’s fingers brush against your front, leaving your heavy breaths hitting him in the face. you can’t think of anything to say. hell, you’re not even sure if you know any words right now. all you can offer is a pathetic moan, and spencer doesn’t think that’s enough.
“come on, don’t get all shy now. what were you expecting him to even do, hm? thought you said he didn’t care about making you feel good.” he taunts as his middle finger traces the outlines of your cunt through your panties.
you shudder at the contact, leaning your head back against the wall as he refuses to break eye contact. he’s waiting for you to say something, raising his eyebrows expectantly as he’s slowed down his movements on you. taking a shallow breath you open your mouth, “h-, he didn’t care, just thought if i ke-, kept looking nice he’d wanna, fuck, do something.” you moan out.
“and did he?” he moved his hand back up to slowly slip into your panties.
his finger dips all the way down to your entrance to gather your wetness and spread it all the way back up to your clit, your mouth dropping open as you let out a whiny, “no.”
“what a shame.” he dips a finger into your hole and you let out a pornographic moan.
he drags his finger in and out slowly making sure to watch your face as it contorts in pleasure. once he feels you’ve gotten used to it he slips in a second finger, increasing the pace and moving his thumb to circle your clit again.
“oh fuck,” you cry.
“baby, you’re so tight.” he whispers. the way you clenched around his two digits made feel almost pussy drunk, and he wasn’t even inside you yet. he starts to wonder if damon was doing anything really to prioritize your pleasure, and it only just worked him up more. he felt more determined to bring you to finish, so he picks up the pace and increases the pressure on your clit.
you drop your head to his shoulder no longer being able to hold yourself up anymore, the sensation of his fingers on you taking over, loose whimpers and moans falling out of your mouth every other second.
“spencer…shit, i’m gonna come…”
“let go for me, baby.” he whispers in your ear.
the pleasure barrels through you like a wrecking ball, knocking the wind out of your mind and body. your legs turn into jelly and you almost fall before spencer holds you up. you try to regulate your breathing into his shoulder, hoping to calm down before you look up and meet his eyes again.
he makes that choice for you when he gingerly lifts your head up, his eyes silently asking if you’re okay. you don’t even bother responding before softly pressing your lips to his again, hoping he can feel your response to his silent question.
the kiss picks up in urgency, and soon his hands are back to exploring your body again. they slide down to the backs of your thighs while he murmurs a small, “jump.” and lifts you to wrap your legs around his waist. without breaking the kiss he walks you both to his bedroom and places you on his bed with care.
his fists flank you on both sides as he leans down to kiss you, and he moves further down kissing along your neck and chest. you reach down to the bottom of your top to pull it over your head, leaving you in the purple lacy bra that matches your panties.
he detaches from you and stands at full height, gazing at the sight of you spread out on his bed with your hair framing you like a halo. he can’t even help himself when he says, “you look so beautiful, angel.” the blush rises to your cheeks, and you beckon him to come back down to which he happily obliges.
spencer moves down further towards your hips, and his lips ghost over the lace band spreading along your waist. his fingers play with the fabric and he moves his face to be directly in line with your clothed cunt. your breathing gets heavy, and you anticipate what he’s about to do.
“wait, you don’t, you don’t have to do that, spence. i already came.” starting to feel a bit guilty at the man above you potentially feeling obligated to do this, as you realize that if he heard you on the jet, he heard about the one thing damon refused to do for you.
“sweetheart, i’d love to keep making you feel good as long as you let me, okay? you gonna let me make you feel good?” he breaths, pressing chaste kisses to your inner thighs.
you give a slight nod and he gently pulls your panties off your legs, marveling at the light glistening off your cunt. he kisses up the plush of your thighs before pausing right where you need him the most. you look down at him and meet his unwavering eyes full of love.
he places a long kiss to your core before licking a long stripe. you moan out languishly, the euphoric feeling taking over every sense in your body. you’re unable to comprehend how you went so long without feeling this, it almost feels criminal. and the way spencer was eating you out, felt like this was doing it for him too even though you were the one getting pleasured. 
it turned you on even more to know he was getting off on how much you were enjoying this. your head was spinning off into another realm, and the only thing tethering you to this reality was the grip of your hands in his hair. his tongue made circles and shapes all over your cunt before dipping down to thrust into your hole.
your thighs shake and threaten to clamp shut on his head, and he uses his wide hands to wrap around your thighs to hold them in place. “oh my god fuck, that feels so good…spence…please..” you’re not even sure what you’re begging for, but of course, spencer does when he adds a finger into your hole and moves his tongue to focus back on your clit. the combined sensations were enough to tip you over the edge for the second time tonight, your release glistening on his chin as he moved back up to kiss your lips again.
your heavy panting tries to bring you back down from your high, a mix of sweat and the taste of you lingering everywhere. 
spencer smooths your hair back as he moves his body to lie next to you, “i think, damon’s a fucking loser, if he doesn’t think that’s worth doing.” he says between pants.
you hum in agreement, or just in acknowledgement at whatever he said since you’re still reeling from the endorphin release. hiking your leg over his body to straddle him, you clumsily reach for his belt and attempt to undo the clasps to reach his growing member. you pull his pants down and palm him through his boxers, reveling in the broken moans falling from his mouth. you start inching downwards when spencer grabs you by the forearms and flips you over so you’re back on the bed staring up at him.
“not tonight, sweetheart. it’s about you right now, wanna make sure you know what you deserve.”
“but…” you pathetically respond.
“i don’t know what that neanderthal tells you, but sex is not transactional. i think if i ever see that guy again, i’d punch him for making you think otherwise.”
the words go straight to your core, turning you on even more. spencer takes note of how your pupils widen and your chin tilts up towards him.
“besides,” he presses his crotch to yours, “the sex wasn’t even that good with him, right?”
you moan out again, unable to find words to satisfy his question. he leans back up and off the bed to fully remove his boxers and you finally get a good look at what was underneath.
holy fuck, he was huge. you propped yourself on your forearms to get a better look at him, and watched as he lazily stroked himself while he sauntered back over to you. the image was so lewd, you hoped you could borrow some of his eidetic memory so you could hold on to this moment forever.
his face held a smug smirk at your awestruck one, and he felt his ego inflate even higher, “by the looks of your reaction, i’m guessing he’s never been much of a, challenge, for you in bed has he?”
you dumbly shake your head no, “definitely not as big as you.” you whisper, more to yourself than him.
his smirk grows wider, “don’t worry, baby, i’ll take real good care of you.” he says as he climbs over you to line himself up to your entrance.
you feel him slowly start to push in, the sensation of being split open growing bigger by the second. your brows furrow and your eyes are shut tight as you wait for the pressure to turn into pleasure.
if spencer thought you around his fingers had him pussydrunk, what he’s feeling now has to be close to pussy poisoning or something because he cannot think of anything in existence that feels as good as the walls of your cunt clenching around his cock. it’s taking everything in him to not break, to just fuck you senseless and reach his peak.
once his hips are flush with yours and he’s fully settled within you, he waits for you to give him the okay to move.
you, on the other hand, have never felt more full ever. damon was not nearly this big, nor has any other guy you’ve been with. it’s a bit of a miracle on how it fit inside you, and how it felt better than anything you could’ve imagined. the pressure and slight pain subsides, and with a slight nod spencer takes the cue to start moving.
the first thrust has you both moaning out in harmony together, and he sets the pace nice and slow so as to make sure you’re comfortable.
but it's not enough for you, you need him to fuck you.
“spence…harder.”
he stills at your word, leaning up so he’s perpendicular to you.
“whatever you say, princess.”
and he starts pounding into you, hips rutting at a pace you can’t even keep up with. the whimpers and moans gush out as the familiar coil begins to build within you. he taps your leg to lift it up over his shoulder to allow him deeper access, and he’s able to reach that one spot you’d heard about from all your friends, on reddit, in movies. you had no idea this type of feeling even existed, and spencer was hitting it with precision every single thrust over and over.
“fuck,” you whine.
“that feel good, baby?” he teases, “the way you’re squeezing my cock so tight, i doubt that fucker ever made you feel like this, huh?”
your tits bounce with every thrust, and the deepened angle has you reaching your climax fast. spencer feels it too and drops his head to whisper in your ear.
“i bet he’s never fucked you like this,” he continues his taunt, “he’d never be able to fuck you like i can, make you come three times in one night like i can.”
you whimper, “spencer,”
“say it, sweetheart. say no one’s ever fucked you like me.”
he was trying to kill you, death during intercourse would be a crazy way to go out but it’s a fate you’d be willing to accept. nonetheless, you comply.
“never ever, fuck, been fucked like you, baby.”
spencer has never felt more satisfied, “good girl, now come.” and with a final thrust he lets you reach your peak as he releases himself into you.
in the midst of groans he gingerly pulls out of you and you whimper at the loss.
the next few minutes are just filled with the sounds of yours and his heavy breathing, before spencer leans over to you, “was that too much?”
still in your daze you let out a soft giggle, “spencer, i think you’ve ruined all men for me.”
he smiles back, “i meant what i said, damon’s really stupid if he’s not willing to do all that for you.”
you intertwine your hand with his, “you know, i never really liked him anyway. i was just using him to get over you.”
“me?” he says incredulously.
you nod, “i didn’t know if you would’ve felt the same so i just tried to move on to someone else, stupid i know, but i don’t know it made sense then.”
he pulls you closer to rest in the crevice of his chest, “i have been into you since the day you walked into the bullpen, and letting you slip through my fingers is a mistake i will never make again.”
you hug him tightly before groaning out loud, “shit, i have to tell damon it’s over now don’t i.”
“i mean, i could tell him if you want.”
“spence, no. i think you might kill him.” you laugh, “i can do it, i just don’t want him to get all ‘organized crime’ on me.”
“just tell him i have a gun.”
“so does he?”
“mine’s bigger.” he smirks.
you roll your eyes, “well, yes.”
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fishtank32 · 1 year ago
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Please expect a serious slow down of my posting, especially fanart or drawings. I'll be getting a second job soon so I'll be busy every weekend from now on + plus my school is starting next month.
#josh speaks#i feel....so grown up... two jobs.. early college.... extra curriculars#/j but like ohhh my y god i am getting oldderrrr#n e wayz how have yall been. ik its been a hot minute since ive done much up here beside cry over legos and slenderman series from 2009#OH MY GODH SPEAKING OF LEGOSSSSSS#almost bought one of the new dr sets. bcs i want sora and arins minifigures#BUT ITS SO DAMN EXPANSIVE!!! SINCE WHEN DID THEY COST THIS MUCH?!?!?#so. we will just. have to wait til my next paycheck#ALSO my new job is cleaning houses again and i fucking hate it sorry ive cleaned houses and apartments before and its god awful#you think catering weddings are bad? go clean a giant 3 floor 28 room god knows how many baths big ass house in the middle of the southern#summer heat. that? truly makes me consider if i should kms. but the pay is good so 🤷‍♂️ tis whatever#id make like 100~ a week i think? so . more money to fuel my lego collection ig?#also also also. did an art trade with my friend AND THEIR ART IS SOOO SO CUTE LIKE STRAIGHT SEROTONIN OHMG#hope they like what i did but twas super super tired. so idk. oh also! watched good omens s1!! it was fun i enjoyed. reminded me of doom pat#rol a bit? that show was fun in its own right. so please expect good omens fanart . Eventually. hopefully before exam season🙏🙏#i need to re read all my bob books bcs my coach will chew me out if i forget everything but luckily i have like. a really good memory (lie)#im just rlly good at cramming books 1 hr before competition. yk how it js#nother reminder my reqs r open it just might take me a minute#got locked out of my tumblr acc on the web so that sucks. tis whatever . (its not im p upset)#oh i got my mom to watch nimona with me today!! she enjoyed. and put some nails on bcs i havnet done that in 4ever#alao bought new skirts today. this has eneded up me just telling yall abt my day but. lets be real for a sec i domt have anyone to rlly talk#to so. the tags of my tumblr posts will have to do. are the new eps of dr out yet or is it just leaks (ive been avoiding them like the plagu#e so far) ALSO#im like 60 percent sure ill be working as the stage manger for my schools next production PLEASE pray for me. i am going to DIE#(not rlly its just hell. HELL) and then that + work + college + BOB + highschool + wanting to post my drawings online#for a while its gonna be sketchbook spreads + doodles srry#oh also also also . would abyone like to see a few snippets of my sketchbook when its done? we r like almost there#hoping to finish it b4 school starts. and get my license. jesus christ theres so much to doo!!!!!!!!!!!!! i finally get what all those#shojou girls were complaining about!!! this is hard!!!!!!!!!!#anyways. tis all. farewell good friends. sincerely -fishtank32
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whomturgled · 2 years ago
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yrkeby4ur8
#hi its personal post as tho tumblr is my diary in the tags while still being vague time bc my coping strats are failing me a little and#ig being able to essentially shout into the void is kinda nice like i cld physically write things down but i did a lot of that#already today w sssitnments and my fjfknging joints hurt so here we are!#ig theres also comfort in knowing someone somewhere probably read it. regardless of what they think/feel/the impression it gives them bc.#like. i exist! i guess? idk.#anyway that being said tw for talk of sh and upsettio spaghettio n stuff.#but yeah im like 🤏 close to relapsing with cutting or some sort of. idek.#and the only reasons im resisting are like. its been so long and itd be a shame to break that streak#which funnily enohgh mskes another part of me wana do it MoRE to like. idk. remember. and. punish ?? idk.#but we're ignoring him rn hes being a little too edgy.#and then bc it would feel like im being manipulative and ik if ppl find out they would probably be very . distressed.#and if it were me and i found out i know id be incredibly distressed and maybe a little scared and just knowing other ppl like it just#would not help the situation ykwim itd probably make things worse#also kinda too tired physically emotionally etc rn to do it and go thru it and the aftermath and having to clean up and take care and#trust myself to be. safe. enough. abt it.#but. now hear me out. IF i do it somewhere that isnt super obv or visible. i doubt theyll know anytime soon.#and if things go. in a way thats.. i dont think i can cope with then well ill prob end up right back in this feeling without the like#withstraint of someone who cares and wants to care abt themselves and others and want to control themself and behaviours and health#but that thought in itself feels manipulative bc its like saying either way i wld prob do it teehee like a threat but. its. oeurghgnnfd.#i just. am struggling to cope. i feel things. so much. and. hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#i think if i have made it this far for this long i will be able to keep going without resorting to that?#but i really do hate that its like. wld be. yeah like turbo bad.#a very small and fucked up part of me feels like if things do go bad then what does it even matter and even better if whoever were to know#that i HAD relapsed bc ig at that point its like. idc who is upset or disappointed or uncomf or scared of/for me and thinks im terrible bc#at that point like. things are all. tumbling (lol) snd messed up so if i am messed up then whatever! ig. ????#but umm. yeah. idk i guess im just frustrated with my own . caring abt being responsible and stuff#there was a time when i was not as likely to be able to resist consequences be damned#im like over here going thru the stages of grief on god fr fr no cap on the stack or whatever ppl say#in other brighter news i managed to get a bit of work done on one of my assignments and some needed friend time but wasnt actually able to
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scarletcomet · 2 years ago
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lil rant in tags. trigger warning for suicidal thoughts and that kind of stuff. if you feel like reading it please be aware of pretty detailed descriptions so please be careful. (also don’t worry i’m fine and not actually going to do anything. just needed to get my thoughts out)
#tw: suicide#the spot im in right now is really shitty because i want to kill myself but im not actually going to kill myself#so im stuck feeling [insert emotion idk how to describe here] and thinking about how much i want to kill myself#and thinking about all these different potential methods meanwhile i have to also function and take care of myself and do hw and shit#(which im not really doing but i need to)#i wish that i could just kill myself but i can't because of my family#and i don't really have the means to do it. ive been thinking about all these different ways but none of them are practical#i would need a rock solid plan that couldn't fail#the other thing is that it would probably take several days for anyone to notice because i don't really interact with my roommate that much#and everyone else would think i was just ignoring their texts (it sometimes takes me days to respond) and it's not super uncommon for me#to just not go to class. honestly my boss would probably be the first to notice when i don't show up to work but i could also just text her#and make up some lame excuse or quit or something (but if my attempt fails im screwed)#maybe if i took every single medication i have and downed it with a bottle of vodka i could get close but i ran out of alcohol and im not 21#i suppose i could ask someone to buy it for me but i won't want to get anyone else involved and have them feel guilty#and even that is probably likely to fail#no high roofs anywhere near me and that would be really bad if i survived#i could try to sl*t my wrists but none of the blades i currently own would be able to do the trick#what do ppl even use to do that? no blade ive ever had as been able to go deep enough to even need stitches (well maybe a few probably did)#and that is again a method that would likely fail and could leave me with nerve damage#i could walk into traffic but that would be really public and again involving others and what happens to the driver?#all the other methods i can think of involve ~materials~ i don't have access to are just aren't practical#maybe if i take enough benedryl to knock me out and take a bath but i wouldnt want to do that to my roommate#and the lock on our bathroom door doesnt work#this is a really fucked up thing to say but i wish i knew how my friend who passed away last year did it#ppl often succeed so maybe i just need to care less about it potentially failing?#this is all hypothetical of course. i can't do that to my family. i tried 5 years ago and they were really upset
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puhpandas · 7 months ago
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I am brand new to spiderman and have only seen msm 2017 and both spiderverses and some scenes from andrew garfields spiderman movies so bare with me.
gregory is spiderman but named spiderboy instead. he goes to a nerd school but instead of him being science smart hes computer science/software smart. in this au hes just a bit younger than normal spiderman teen age at 14 just so he can still be at a high school
his uncle ben was Bonnie and his aunt May is Freddy
Cassie takes spider gwens place but shes different. more like msm gwen where shes just friends with spiderboy. her name is spidergirl and her and spiderboy both know eachothers secret identity and are best friends. cassie also goes to gregorys nerd school but she specializes in hardware. since this is once again mostly based off of msm Cassies dad is the jackal and evil so. she has to deal with that
Vanessa is Gregory's sister who is actively mind controlled by the dor oc of this world (once again based off of msm's mind control discs). she also has a secret identity as Vanny but as a villain and she knows somethings off but doesnt know what it is. shes gone and busy as much as Gregory is in the Fazbear household so Freddy doesn't get suspicious because both his kids are busy and it's not just one being strangely absent. in turn Gregory doesnt realize Vanessa's gone a lot because well. shes out as vanny when hes out as spiderboy, so shes also home at the same time as him. she doesnt go to any fancy school yet because shes still choosing a college. I think her specialty would be writing code?
doc oc is the mimic but like. not like a human it's still a robot. I think it would be a rogue security robot from one of the nerd schools that got so smart it upgraded itself by giving itself six limbs on its back and kept stealing tech from the schools until it made the mind control discs. it has control over vanessa and like in msm has a sinister 5: monty, chica, roxy, the dca, and vanny
theres no harry osborn counterpart BUT tony and ellis are in this au. tony works for jjj and is given the job of taking pictures of spiderboy, but his goal is really to convince them all that he should be the one writing papers and not taking photos. gregory and tony meet while Gregory is spiderboy and Gregory has the most of the classic hiding spiderman identity hijinks with him as they grow closer and bond throughout this hypothetical story lol. tony is also working to find the secret identity of spiderboy in particular since he was the first but all of the spider people in general as a personal project. in their case to add ggy flair Gregory gets the same mind control disc used on him as vanessa after a slip up with doc oc and he turns evil and attacks tony. It happens to be at the same time/after his identity is revealed to him which is sus for Gregory and makes tony confused
ellis takes miles Morales' place in this au so hes another spider guy, not sure about his name yet since I want it to be something different. he met Gregory through tony. I just think all of tonys friends being the spiders and him not having a clue and missing what's right in front of him is so funny. I also think Gregory and ellis would have so much synergy on the field like they're friends and can goof off together. I think like how peter helps miles in msm could be applied here but it's less like being Ellis' mentor but just trying to help him understand when it's time to be serious as a spider and not just quip and swing around as a friend
as a little bonus I've been thinking a lot today about the concept of spidergirl taking after a gwen and falling down an elevator shaft out of web like in andrew garfields spiderman and Gregory has to save her.... like omg
I'm fucking cooking with a fnaf spiderman au rn
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maplesyrupsainz · 1 year ago
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˖⁺。˚⋆˙love is never logical | 2023 grid˖⁺。˚⋆˙
pt3
pairing: 2023 f1 grid x nepo baby y/n prost reader (she/her)
genre: social media au, friends to lovers
warnings: spoiled nepo baby:)) 3rd & final part!! fluffy af probably
summary: in which everyone's favourite nepo baby finally feels ready to share her love story with the world ❤️
a/n: last part tehehe this was so fun to write LOL it feels so silly & ridiculous fr but hope u like it i tried to make it not super obvious who her man is but idk if it worked
request!!!: I would love a smau with reader who’s a nepo baby but is everyone’s fave nepo because she’s just living life aesthetically and the grid loves her and she’s hinting at a soft launch (idrc with which driver)
fc: gracie burns
my masterlist
part 1 • part 2 • part 3
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instagram ->
ynprostupdates
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liked by user12, user38, and 219,938 others
ynprostupdates an image of daniel ricciardo holding a mystery woman in an embrace from last night has been circulating, rumours saying it was y/n prost. could daniel be the mystery man that y/n has been soft launching on her social medias the past few months?
view all 18,283 comments
user1 NO WAY
user2 i thought daniel was with heidi? 😭😭
user3 well that definitely isnt heidi 💀
user4 well duh
user5 where my y/ndaniel shippers at
user6 all rise
user7 nooo i really thought it was lando
user8 where's that one y/nlance truther from twitter at right now
user9 bit of an age gap
user10 you must be new here
user11 💀💀💀
user12 that could literally be anyone, also it's ONLY A HUG!!
user13 🤔
messages ->
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instagram ->
yourusername
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liked by landonorris, heidiberger_, and 847,192 others
yourusername my fwends
view all 8,193 comments
user14 obsessed with y/n subtly setting the record straight about daniel 💀
liked by yourusername, heidiberger_
danielricciardo i meant what i said y/n, you are banned from drinking alcohol
landonorris i second this
yourusername since when did men think they could tell me what i can & cant do? 🤔
danielricciardo since you became a danger to urself & others perhaps
heidiberger_ im on ur side btw y/n/n
yourusername knew i could count on you
user15 this feels like such a random group of people to hang out separately
user16 i dont think so they're all friends arent they?
user17 tbh i think everyone loves y/n but she does this thing every so often where she hangs out with wags & i think it's to make sure everyone knows she's not overstepping or anything
user18 y/n is my favourite (potential) wag
yourusername posted a story
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liked by alex_albon, landonorris, and 538,293 others
landonorris since when were you in ireland
yourusername since like 2 hours ago
landonorris why
yourusername never been
landonorris you know a race weekend starts tomorrow right
yourusername you know we're not f1 drivers right?
danielricciardo bring me a guinness back!
yourusername y/bff/n said she'll bring it in her mouth & feed you it like a little bird
danielricciardo dont want one anymore
user19 Y/N WHY ARE YOU IN MY COUNTRY
twitter ->
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instagram ->
yourusername
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liked by lance_stroll, lilymhe, and 792,103 others
yourusername no one panic we're back on time
view all 6,294 comments
user21 was lance in ireland with her
user22 no just lily y/bff/n & some other girls apparently
landonorris slay‼️
oscarpiastri are you relaxed now
landonorris urm. yes
yourusername LOL
lance_stroll everyone cheered
lilymhe 😌😌😌
user23 i want y/n's life
user24 i just want y/n
alex_albon can i have my girlfriend back now?
yourusername for now yes
yourusername posted a story
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liked by lilymhe, lance_stroll, and 827,183 others
lilymhe omg y/n
lilymhe this is so hard launch
yourusername 😭😭😭 DONT SAY THAT
lance_stroll 😧😧😧
user25 THERE'S NO WAY YOU GUYS ARENT DATING
user26 OH MY GOD IM SCREAMING
lewishamilton congratulations to you both😊
yourusername THIS WASNT MEANT TO BE A HARD LAUNCH
maxverstappen1 only took him almost beating me for you to hard launch
yourusername you STILL got no bitches max
yourusername sorry for being mean im overwhelmed right now
maxverstappen1 it's all love 🤔
twitter ->
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instagram ->
yourusername
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liked by lance_stroll, maxverstappen1, and 1742,893 others
yourusername & i fell for you like water 💧
tagged: lance_stroll
view all 43,204 comments
lance_stroll i love you ❤️
liked by yourusername
lilymhe FINALLY
yourbff thank god coz i cant keep anymore secrets
danielricciardo anymore? what else do you know?
lewishamilton congratulations for real this time!
maxverstappen1 congrats on pulling
yourusername 😘
landonorris 🎉🥳🍾🎁🎈🎊
charles_leclerc i miss you y/n please get rid of this man and return to ferrari immediately
carlossainz55 i second this
scuderiaferrari we third this
yourusername for you guys i just might😌❤️
alex_albon officially graduated from third wheel status
liked by yourusername, lilymhe
lance_stroll
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liked by yourusername, yourbff, and 828,103 others
lance_stroll this is me flexing
tagged: yourusername
view all 34,193 comments
yourusername 🫶🫶🫶
liked by lance_stroll
pierregasly kika is celebrating rn
yourusername my girlll😊😊
fernandoalo_official congratulations to you both 🎉‼️❤️💚
user32 this is so personal to me
user33 she is so amazing
yourbff OMG PRETTIEST GIRL ALIVE
liked by lance_stroll, yourusername
THE END 🤍
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7ouls · 3 months ago
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daisuke x fem reader where they’re both super awkward and swansea is tired of them being oblivious to the way they feel for eachother that he makes both of his interns work on a project together
omg i totally loved writing this even tho i hcent written in a while so it might look weird? im really sorry its been a long time… (and its pretty short sorry abt that) also swansea is probably a bit ooc (i think u say it like that? idk) cause i have really bad memory so sorry abt that too…
this is set before the crash
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No matter how many times the two interns tried to communicate it would always end up being awkward since everyone but them knew about their obvious crush on each other.
Nobody cares enough to help them realise that, except their boss Swansea.
That shortly explains how the three of them are now repeating the bases of engineering.
“So is that clear?” The older man looked at the young adults as they nodded.
“Great, i don’t have to repeat myself for once. Now to see how much you’ve understood try to fix this.”
He said taking an old radio that sat behind him and handed them the needed tools. He then proceeded to leave but not before giving a smirk to his interns that blushed as a reaction.
Daisuke was the first to speak up. “I didn’t actually understand all of it.”
Y/n giggled at the boy and he soon joined too. “Don’t worry… I barely managed to take some notes. Swansea isn’t really the best teacher…”
“But we don’t really have much of a choice”
“Right, so here. You can read some of my notes and umm… i guess start working.” She said handing him her notebook. He started quietly reading all of it as the girl got slowly closer and closer to read with him.
After a while Daisuke stopped and thanked her, then realised how close she’s gotten to him. Y/n panicking apologised as she didn’t notice the close distance between them.
He quickly straightened himself. “No need to apologise! We’re supposed to work together so that eventually would’ve happened, not that i mind anyways…” He muttered the last part.
Y/n raised an eyebrow at that but didn’t question it. “We should get the work started now.” She said as he nodded happily.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
It has been around two hours when the two finally ended their work and were now chatting.
“Sooo… would you be free after dinner tonight?” Daisuke asked nervously, Y/n blushed at the question then smiled. “I mean… there’s not much else to do so yes. Why do you ask?”
The boy grinned and answered. “Well, i’ve been meaning to ask you this for a while now. Would you like to play on my gameboy with me? We can take turns! And then we can eat all the sweets that i have and stay up all night!” He exclaimed out of breath.
Y/n was surprised to hear the boy so excited and soon replied. “Sure, we can do that. We’ll just have to make sure to be quiet or else we’ll wake the captain up.” Daisuke happily nodded as he watched the girl get up and wave at him.
When she left he let put a puff of air he didn’t know he was holding. “Holy moly. She’s like super cool!”
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i took the gameboy idea from a daisuke fanfic on here but i dont remember the tag. sorry this is kinda short as i said i have to get used to weiting it’s been like 2 years since i last did it. maybe i’ll write about that sleepover soemtime!! (i swear this looked longer whem i wrote it on my diary)
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notherpuppet · 17 days ago
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Hi! Question here that pop in my brain and got me curious about QPR since that is the main relationship of My Deer Nanny.
Ok, im in a hetero relationship and reading more and more radioapple has really opened my eyes to those on the Ace spectrum and the types of relationships presented jn stories, thank you Alastor for that.
Ok. So the relationship is not sexual in nature, more emotional intimacy right? So, how does falling in love feel for those in a QPR? So many of us tie falling jn love with the sexual aspect as well, especially in stories, I'm interested in learning about the other side of it. With Al and Luci, are we going to see them fall in love? (The more than anything panel with Al's reaction had me wondering)
Don't worry, I'm not gonna ask a out sex, I really enjoy the relationship in the story as QPR, and I'm super into smut, it's my go to, but I discovered QPR though this story and love it just as much as some of the other stuff I read.
Not...really sure if my question is clear...
How does emotional intimacy grow in a QPR when only 1 partner is Ace or heck, even both? How does it differ from "typical" relationships where the physical and emotional intimacy develop, if they even differ at all?
Hiiii, so imma start off with leaving this link here: QPR info
And I wanna say everyone has their own individual experiences. Language is a lovely tool, but it has its limitations. Especially with matters of the heart and mind.
In My Deer Nanny, my intention is to depict a relationship where Alastor and Lucifer grow to love each other, but it’s not “falling in love”.
So much of the fun of making this AU is using characters I adore to spotlight different depictions of love. I experience love like-every day! It’s great! (Family, friends, music, art, hobbies, and mostly my love for radioapple lol).
In the most recent post, I wanted to show Alastor’s sincere love for music intersecting with his surprise over Lucifer’s musical talent. For anyone who is also a music lover, I’m sure you have experienced the enchantment of live music and the chills you can get from an exceptional vocalist. 🤩🤤🎶
My Deer Nanny is a radioapple AU, so it is focused on the love and bond developing between Lucifer and Alastor. It’s not romantic love, but maybe a way to describe my approach could be “platonic love romanticized”??? Hmmm
IDK IF THAT MAKES SENSE BUT THANK YOU FOR YOUR QUESTION 🥰
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jamieenthusiast · 4 months ago
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I yap about Forever + Falling with you
Forever being the end song to murder drones- and its lyrics being what they are
gives me the impression Murder Drones was a big love story about opening up and trust hidden under mounds of comedy and violence
And I dont mean that it ACTUALLY is, its more just.. a silly little feeling I get when i listen to it
Theres something about the song thats so... cozy? So like, softly spoken. A very hummable melody from one lover to another.
also falling with you, like what the fuck
never in my life have I felt a track was so carefully crafted- and prepared, carved out for two specific characters in one specific moment.
She made the choice to sacrifice herself- for him. In her eyes it was the end and if at the end of everything she could guarantee the life of one person it was going to be the one she loves, she didnt know what would be at the other end,
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The thing is, he wanted to be there for her. Even when they're knocking on deaths door, he needs to be there.
Its like trust fall exercise, except the focus isnt on 'catch me' cause they'd never let the other fall,
its about making sure they dont fall when youre not looking. It hurts both parties, to crash without warning and to see the one you love fall
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I *love* that they dont speak here. She looks to the side, shifting her glances before looking at him.
An unspoken guilt ridden apology.
The response he chooses?
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forgiveness,
Even if the result of her actions hurt him- her intentions were good and meant to be entirely in favor of him
And in this moment, with their current history and with a yet to be seen future, he forgives her,
Cause at the very least, they're together again. He could save her.
And her look just, screams thank you to me.
Thank you for forgiving me, saving me-
for everything :) /ref
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lighthearted preparation for whats to come :)
legitimately, what she says, reiterating herself "die mad bitch"
knowing theyre heading into the end of the world to prevent it?? Theyre going off to the fucking trenches together, key word this time being together
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And then the horrible unexpected !
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Uzi is ripped away from N, confronted with what her home has become, the universe is practically screaming at her to fix it, pushing her towards the end without mercy
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But shes not doing it alone, she cant do it alone, not again, not this time
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And he wouldnt let her
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The universe could endlessly attempt to wield its cosmic grasp to push these two apart but itd never work, itd never end with them alone
Their love- their pure devotion to each other,
is so celestial in its own right
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Not super related to my ramble but i love that in them becoming official (I will not call this a confession, N definitely confessed the previous episode)
Uzis so.. wagh.. her eyes.
That trademark look of panic or worry- I mean what would you expect from the black sheep of the colony? Being excluded on the daily, left to your own abandoned devices?? The reassurance she was requesting just, ughh.. my heart...
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and the way. He fucking looks at her
Its so, soft. He knows she has not a thing to worry about. His heart is completely and utterly hers. Where most would die for their love, he lives for her.
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The universe would be dammed to ever try and separate pure unbridled love like this ever again
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ERM< ANYWAY that was super gay ew idk why im like. obsessed with their relatinshuio ahhajfhdgjbsjhfm someone blow me up
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clowns0up-felix · 3 months ago
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Hey! I just wanted to say that I absolutely love your drawings ! It has so much life in it, and I don’t know how you come up with those amazing designs for Link but they’re incredible! I never have enough imagination, lol 🥲😅. Seriously, what you do is so great that I’m at a loss for words… Anyway, I support you wholeheartedly, so keep up the amazing work!
Also, if you don’t mind, I’d love to know how you manage to create such dynamic poses and expressions in your drawings; I always struggle with that, haha.
Aaaaaa,I know I’m talking a lot, but are you still working on “Reversal of Fate”? If so, I’d love a little drawing of Link, if that’s not too much trouble 🥺☺️. But if you’re too busy, that’s totally okay too! 😊
WAAAAHHHHHH!!! Thank you sooo much this really means a lot like actually 🧡🧡🧡🧡 I love your art it’s so nice to look at and I get super excited when it pops up on my feed!!! (I especially LOVE ur sksw Zelda and Link designs ^^)
I also value the reversal of fate link fanart you did so much,,, 😢😢😢 Your support means sooo much
I feel as tho ur art already is so fluid and fun so idk if this is actually gonna help u much :( but if it does in any way then yipeeeee !!
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Something I wanna add for improving posing (or anatomy, it really helped me with it) is doing figure drawing! There’s great online websites with models that u can sketch and just get better at doing good posing quick :D Or using reference in general,,,, my art is so messy tho, there’s so many better artists you should look for help to haha IM SO SO SORRY IF THIS DIDNT HELP AT ALLLL
About reversal of fate, yes I am still working on it!!!! I haven’t been posting about it because there are some lore asks I’ve gotten that have been kinda intimidating me so I’ve been quiet about it ehehe
Here’s some rof Link (right one is a sneak peek at a piece I’m working on which I’ll probably post in like so long from now bc there’s so much I have to work on urghhhhhh) ;)
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Thanks for the lovely ask 🧡
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star-girl69 · 1 year ago
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Love Song
Clarisse La Rue x Fem!Demigod!Reader
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a/n: just needed to do some general hc’s to get all my thoughts in order i hope you all enjoy!!
Love song - Lana Del Rey
warnings: the formatting is weird idk why i can’t fix it but y’all will live, swearing, a little itty bitty bit of violence, every facet of clarisse finding its way here and i love them all, tell me if i missed anything!!
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i’m sure we all agree on this
but clarisse is very protective of you
even if you’re a very capable fighter, even if you’re even better than her, clarisse is still so protective of you
i mentioned this in one of my fics (maybe so it goes…????) but like the reason behind this is the fact that clarisse is just SCARED
she is terrified of losing you bc you are the only one she feels like she can be herself with
like clarisse is insane!!!!! in a good way!!!!! but also she’s a 17 year old girl…. she wants TO BE LOVED
she tries to talk to you about how she feels about her dad and about everything else in her life, but even though she doesn’t want to be, she’s locked up like a vault
she knows her emotions are always super intense and she has big reactions
major anger issues but they’ve gotten better with age
the problem is she spent her entire life being told that she needed to calm down, that she couldn’t feel like that all the time, and she just tried to shut down
obviously that did not work
but it still makes it virtually impossible to talk about her feelings
when it comes to you tho she’s an open book
she’s a daughter of ares she’s headstrong she’s proud and her fatal flaw is PRIDE
i mentioned this before but she wants everyone to know that you’re hers and she’s yours
your relationship is partly very public
she’s not afraid to touch you or kiss you
she’s not afraid to show you off and (needs to) show everyone that yes your beautiful self belongs to HER
so naturally she gets very jealous
even when you’re like clarisse you are INSANE
there’s been a few times when you first started dating and you were still getting comfortable and weren’t that public yet so like someone would flirt with you
it went like this
boy: hey what’s up you’re kinda fine
y/n: oh! oh yeah no….. no…..
clarisse: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY IM GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU—
then she started attacking him
lost dessert privileges for a month, she proudly declared that it was worth it (besides you would sneak her bites of yours like)
now that everyone knows you’re hers her jealousy is rooted a lot more in delusion and insecurity
you’ll be like in a group talking someone and she’ll pull you closer and be like “i think that guys staring at you a little too much.”
“clarisse no the fuck he’s not what”
b/c of the fact that she isn’t a son for her father she gets insanely jealous if specifically a MAN gets even an inch too close however innocently
she doesn’t want to think it but she thinks you’ll eventually realize her father is right and she’s not as useful or good bc she’s a girl
most of the time when she gets jealous bc of her insecurities she just becomes extra clingy
but also any emotion she feels she gets extra clingy to you so sometimes it’s hard to tell LMAO
she isn’t really a big hand holder but that’s only because she’s actually holding you CLOSER to her by your waist
also one more note about your relationship publically
everyone gets whiplash bc like she’s a BULLY fo everyone else and then you walk over and she’s all heart eyes
i hate everyone but you trope save me
save me i hate everyone but you trope
THIS HAPPENED IN IN A GOOD WAY
clarisse: pushes percy over
you: nuh uh clarissseeeeeeee
clarisse: omg hi beautiful gf
you: touches her shoulder, looks at her disapprovingly
clarisse: fine i’ll go, *scares percy*, bye bye beautiful ily
like she’s just being a bitch and then all of a sudden you come around and she’s like hiiiiiii babyyyyy how is my gorgeous gorgeous girl today??
so outwardly clarisse is just very proud and touchy
privately she lets herself be a little more chill
this is where she really touchy you thought before was worse nah
idk if y’all have noticed but in my fics clar’s always holding on y/n’s hips and that’s just me self projecting bc i have the most horrid hip dips but my point still stands
SHE LOVES YOUR HIPS
would totally call them “love handles” IM SORRYY
but she just likes having a place to hold where she can just like kinda actually physically grab you with her hands
like yeah she can wrap her arms around your waist but she likes to GRAB you
cuddling w her is fun bc like this girl cannot get ENOUGH of you there’s only like three ways you cuddle
you on top of her whether just like completely on top of her (one of her favs) or just with your head on her chest
this is what happens whenever you feel scared
like there was a monster attack just near the barrier and you’ve all been feeling uneasy all day
TRUST you are sleeping in her bed tonight
wraps her arms around you so tight it’s like she’s crushing you
also she’s running your back or caressing your head whichever you prefer
she keeps her spear right next to her bed and makes sure you can see it so you know however subconsciously NOTHING can hurt you bc she’s right there (nothings gonna hurt you baby vibes)
or she’s on top of you this one usually happens when she’s feeling a little extra insecure and jealous and it’s like no one can see you if she’s on top of her so then you’re hers
she isn’t the smartest one in the bunch but she has good intentions!!!!
also she lays on top of you if you get hurt
like after so it goes for example when y/n got that little cut on her hand
you’re like “clar pls you’re crushing me”
“um ok you scared the shit out of me today tho you need to LET ME do this fuck”
third option
you’re both laying on your side and facing each other legs tangled together and she’s probably whispering to you
she’s a big whisperer i feel it in my heart
like tracing her hands on your face and saying your so beautiful or telling you how you make her feel
oh lord take me now
also she loves you the way hozier loves
“someone asked me in the end i’d tell them ‘put me back in it’ // darlin’ i would do it again // if i could hold for a minute”
“when my time comes around lay me gently in the cold dark earth no grave could hold my body down i’d crawl back to her”
like she BREATHES for you
if she died and then you were like “i miss you” trust she would find a way to come back to life
totally daydreams about going on such a fantastical quest that the gods offer both of you immortality so you can be together forever and ever and ever and ever and ever
like if the world ends y’all would still be there having a little picnic date
devotion is the only word that comes close
anyways
ok nicknames she calls you:
baby, angel, gorgeous, pretty thing/girl, beautiful, lovely, dummy (lovingly)
(recently saw a few posts abt clarisse saying mama/mamas i may be swayed)
dates she takes you on:
forces you to train w her even if you don’t like it but she lets you win OBVIIIII, under the stars in the woods, take your dinners to go and sneak back to either hers or your cabin to eat together, secret makeout sessions in the bathroom her cabin your cabin anywhere she can get her hands on you
this is so random but i get horrible migraines and i am ADDICTED to these like headache relief frequency sounds on youtube i swear they work and i was like omg you can’t have electronics at chb I WOULD NOT SURVIVE
so if you are a real one like me and get horrible migraines but this goes for being sick in general she’s like a little puppy pretending to be a wolf barely holding it together
she’ll be like at the foot of your bed begging you not to go into the light while shouting at someone at the same time to refill your water
you like have a cold
she would rub your temples if you had a headache and she would literally be like a doll for you to move around like oh you wanna lay on her chest? by all means
you wanna lay upside down with your feet in her face? as long as you get better you can do whatever you want!
you don’t wanna touch her at all? that’s where she draws the line
you’ll be like “ugh i’m hot get away from me”
“okay ☹️☹️”
“why are you touching my feet with your feet”
she places you above everyone else
like yeah other people are ok…….
but you 😍😍😍😍😍😍
this is slightly cringe but she would fr burn the whole world down and not let a flame touch you
LIKE HAVE YALL SEEN THE ANONS IVE BEEN POSTING AND THE CAPTURE THE FLAG THINGS 😱😱😱😱 (y’all always check my blog im always posting the funniest shit bc i’m funny)
“you’re one opposite teams blah blah blah you get hurt clarisse drops EVERYTHING to help you even if just a paper cut” (i have no chill fic coming soon)
THEN THEN the other one that was like “ok but what if you ACTUALLY get hurt like broken leg”
clarisse just goes crazy when you’re hurt
in so it goes: “what if that cut gets infected?”
you’re her WORLD she literally can’t stand the thought or something happening to you or else she starts literally shaking in anger and sadness
but when clarisse gets hurt it’s a whole other story
LIKE FUCK YOU JUST WANNA CARE ABOUT HER AND SHES ALL LIKE “it’s chill.”
NO ITS NOT YOURE GONNA BLEED OUT 😭😭
clarisse never let’s anyone but you see her true emotions
like yeah when you’re in public and you’re being cutesy she starts smiling and everyone is SO confused
but still
she never lets anyone see her as WEAK
so she always downplays her injuries in terms of how much they hurt, but flaunts them off proudly at the same time?? yeah that makes sense
after a capture the flag game you march her to the bathroom with a first aid kit “ok baby take off your shirt”
she always makes some flirty comment like SHUSH NOT RN
then she has all these bruises and every once in a while a cut from someone’s sword
you’re like 😔😔💔
you’re the only one she will let clean her up
unless she like breaks a bone or needs stitches (which has never happened) no way in hell she’s going to the healers
if you’re a child of apollo or smth she’s like “i literally have my own person healer right here…..”
anyways i think that’s all but i will probably be updating this when i think of more stuff bc as we know i have no chill
thank you all sm for reading and reblogging and liking and commenting and sending all of your WONDERFUL asks they make me so happy i’m always giggling when i get one
anyways bye bye 😘
taglist:
@lvrue @t-wylia @laughingcheese037 @kroumi @urdeadpoet @colezb @rey26 @harmzilla @elliewilliamsbae @amberfreemansburntface @kyuupidwrites @neverwaakeme-up @shark1008 @liballer @heyimadison @nvirskies @pnsteblnme
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captianbrnes · 1 year ago
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Pretty like the Sun
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Summary: When you start to doubt yourself, Bucky is here to pick up the pieces you left behind.
Warnings: Insecure reader, that's all i think
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!reader, friends to lovers
Word count: 1k
⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆⋆⁺₊⋆
You don't even remember how it started. It just switched one day and now all you could focus on was ur ‘faults’.
Were you even fit to be an avenger? How did people like you? Did your friends even truly like you? Weeks went by and you could feel yourself slipping more and more, you tried to act normal to your super friends hoping no one would notice. Bucky did.
⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆⋆⁺₊⋆ 
 “Have you noticed anything wrong with Y/n? She just seems off, im worried” Bucky expressed to Sam and Natasha in the kitchen while making a cup of coffee.
“ Idk man she's your girl shouldn't you know?” “She's not my girl Sam.” He rolls his eyes knowing Sam knows about his crush on you.
“Maybe go up to her, just go check on her.” Nat says as she pats the super soldiers’ back, leaving the kitchen.
He decides then that the only way he'll know is to ask so Bucky gets up to head to your room. 
⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆⋆⁺₊⋆ You're laying in bed staring up at the ceiling when you hear 3 knocks from the door. Not feeling up to talk to anyone, you don't say anything hoping whoever’s there will just leave. “ Doll it's me Bucky, I want to talk, can you open the door for me?”
Oh Bucky… Your crush for the longest time, also one of your closest friends. Ever since you first joined the avengers you knew you were done for. His immediate smile threw you off your feet and it was then you knew.
You and Bucky started to become closer to each other over the months, spending most of your time together either watching movies or walking around New York. Bucky was one of the people who you cared about the most and that's why you felt so insecure. You wanted to be your best for him all the time, be perfect in hope that he’ll maybe fall for you just like how hard you fell for him.
What you didn’t know was that he already fell just as hard.
The first time Bucky spotted you he couldn't believe his eyes. He didn't understand how someone could be that beautiful, your eyes shined and your smile glowed, you look like the Sun. He cared so much for you and hasn't felt this much love for anyone ever and just wanted to make sure you’re okay, that's why he's here.
You decide to get up and open the door for him, checking the mirror beforehand making sure you look okay. “ Hey Buck, everything okay?”
You choke out looking up at him while trying toseem happy. “ Yeah everythings fine, just wanted to check on you, haven't seen you in a while… Can I come in?” Bucky says rubbing his hand on the back of his neck hoping that you'll let him in and open up to him. “ Uh sure-” You both opt to sit on your bed and it's then that Bucky takes your hand and decides to speak up.
“I'm here because I'm worried about you doll.. What's going on? You know you can talk to me right.” He says looking down to you with genuine worry in his eyes. He could get so scared sometimes worrying if he upset you in some way. “ No, I'm fine-” “Dont.” Bucky interrupts. He tilts your chin up to meet his eyes.
“ Don't act like it's fine when it's not. Some Things upset you, I want to know what it is. Let me help you like you helped me” This was it. As he said that you felt yourself breaking and water managed to make it out of your eyes finally breaking down.
“Hey hey hey, i got you, you're okay breath baby, breath.” Bucky says holding you closer to him and accidentally letting a pet name slip out. After Bucky gets you to breathe and calm down he sits you on his lap and starts to speak.
“ You're okay Y/n, I'm here with you okay. Just talk to me whenever you're ready.”
It's then you finally speak up and voice all your insecurities about how you dislike how you look and feel as if youre useless and don't matter to the team. Bucky’s heart starts to break hearing these words come out of you feeling as if you're not good enough. He can't stand to see you like this anymore and put his forehead on yours making sure you're looking at him.
“ Look at me, doll, I have never thought about you in any of those ways. You are the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen and the best thing that's ever happened to me.”
“I want you to know how incredible you are and that I understand how you're feeling but that none of it is true. I am so in love with you it's crazy.” Bucky spills out not caring about if you feel the same anymore, he just needs to get it out.
“ You light up a whole room with that smile of your doll. You're the funniest person I've met and bring me so much comfort… I've never cared about anyone like i've cared about you.``
“Bucky i-” Is this true? Does he really feel the same way? “ Bucky, are you serious?” you exclaim.
Realizing that you might not share the same feelings, buckys eyes go wide with worry looking like a kicked puppy, before saying “ I um- I know that you might not feel the same ways as me but i couldn't keep it in any longer. And I'm sorry if I ruined anything I didn't mean-”
You silenced him as you crashed your lips into his humming into the kiss. You guys finally pull away after a while and decide to cuddle up under the bed together, your eyes closing.
There's still much more you guys need to talk about in the morning but none of that comes to mind now that Bucky’s finally holding you in his arms.
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A/n : Hiii!!! Hope you liked the story. Im going to try to write more just and super busy.....
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