#but also i hate when people try to show concern about my weight

[dalroti]

My body will be like *takes 6 months to gain 1 kg* *loses it in 2 days*

[thatsmybook]

A few times, I've heard Lisa and Rojda talk about how Young Royals is about the class system and a queer Prince, but also, it's relatable because not only do the cast look like teenagers, they act like teenagers in today's world. So it's also a show about teenagers. With that in mind, I'd like to talk about Simon Eriksson, working class, immigrant, and mixed race student at Hillerska, falling in love with the Prince.

Simon, in S1, deliberately kept any problems about Sara and his life at Hillerska hidden from his mum because he did not want to burden her. He lied to reassure her when she'd get worried about Sara and equally made decisions to help Sara's wellbeing at school. It seemed that he was taking care of his mum and sister when his dad left and after the abusive relationship that seemed to have really affected the whole family. This is why he doesn't share anything bad that he's going through with his mum. He's trying to protect her. He always has.

As to the comments he is getting. I think he is reading them because often they concern his family and are from the people in their town. That, along with the phone calls at night and hate-mail mentioned by Linda at the court hearing in S3 ep1, this means that he's on hyper-vigilance about threats to him and his family. So, my theory is that he is monitoring his comments and engaging to try to defuse things. But just like in all 3 seasons, his actions often lead to more problems.

This is a 16 year old kid, the youngest in his family, doing things an adult should be doing. This is very relatable for many working-class single parent families. Something to add about first-generation kids of immigrant families, having an extra layer of working to help the family navigate the country and society they're in.

Also, as to the comments, there have been many real life incidents, unfortunately , of teenagers getting hate comments online from their peers and bullied to the point of taking their own lives. Simply telling them not to read the comments may not have worked for them. (Yet so many reactors to this season think it's that simple).

Simon is getting a volumous amount of hate comments, which started right after the sex video was released in S1. At that point, the comments were in the print media.

He needs actual support, less obliviousness from the adults in his life about what is happening to him (that includes the Royal Court), and understanding about the actual effect of comments on his mental health from everyone around him. He is a victim of actual hate, and when I hear about any child going through that kind of regular abuse, my heart goes out to them.

Seeing how supportive Simon's dad could be in this 3rd season in his conversations with Sara, we can see how much Simon actually misses his dad. Because had he had a relationship with him, without the baggage of Sara's need for distance, he would have probably noticed that Simme needed help and been quite good at it, when he could manage it.

However, we as the audience seem to be blinded by Wille's more important problems, partly because the show is largely from his POV, but also because his pressures seem bigger. As a result, I've seen fans come down on Simon for not putting his life's woes in perspective to support Wille more. We start to see big cracks in their relationship and start to feel that they just won't work out.

But, they're also just kids in their first relationship. Miscommunication is completely normal at that age. They've only just been spending actual time with each other this season and getting to know each other. Yet they are dealing with adult problems, and so many of us fans are shouting at the screen - talk to each other! I feel like, if I were one of them, there is so much weight on me that I'd be too scared to open the floodgates and actually tell my boyfriend what's happening because I don't want to scare him. And no wonder they spend most of their time making out. It's the easiest part of their relationship and what gives them actual joy at the moment.

So I give grace to these characters and kudos to the creators of the show, for showing ACTUAL teenagers dealing with real life problems, amplified for drama because of the dichotomy of being a Prince and a commoner. But, I don't judge ANY of the characters when I apply the same analysis I've given here to Simon to all the other four characters. What this show requires of us adults is empathy for their plight and maybe a closer look at the teenagers in our lives. What it does for the teen audience is show them that they're not alone when they mess up or are dealing with life pressures. We as a society won't judge them. We will work to understand them and share their burdens.

[bluepotion85]

Expanding Bootcamp - Chapter 3 (Male Wg Story)

Summary: After Salazar’s food competitions began, more people started to join for the overindulgence. Will and his friends hope to stay out of it for the most part. But when the cadets start to entice others to join actively, the situation starts to raise questions. Is Will and his friends capable of staying out of the competitions or some of them will fall to their cravings?

(The following is a male weight gain fic. This is for the most part a slow burn deal)

The next day Connor and I get to the chow hall for lunch, and we share tables with the twins. We see that the eating competitions of Salazar take a different turn for lunches. They will be more tame, revisiting Salazar’s tasting idea. Mixing and mashing with the different food in the cafeteria, meats with different sauces and sides trying to impress one another, trying to be modest so they can go to town with dinner.

At the beginning it's just a little game between them and nobody minds, but at some point, people started to stand up and try to solve disputes with people outside their group.

They will come to your table and ask you to try this? and what do you think of that?

After rejecting an offer from another cadet Jones burst

“God, can't they keep their mess to their own group? this is getting tiring!”

“I know what you mean” -says Carlos behind him.

He is coming with his tray in hand hoping to sit with us, besides him is Hill with his tray as well. Once we are all together Carlos tries to explain an idea.

“I know that Salazar and his friends are just trying to be playful and bond, but I just want to have my meals in peace. I'm hoping that if we sit together and reject their offers they will eventually stop”

I don't tend to share meals with so many people but for the sake of keeping the food reviewers at bay I'm willing to try, I look at Connor ready to ask for his opinion and he just nods with a smile in my direction.

“I like the sound of that, it's tiring enough to deal with Carlos to also have Neil as a shadow offering treats” -adds Hill.

“Oh come on Hill, you know you love my company”-Carlos adds trying to reach out for a hug knowing Hill hates them.

“Remember I catched you on today’s run. So, no hugs”-he replies right away.

Carlos recoils like a spring and continues to eat.

the twins laugh at the display and Daniel says “Well at least we will have something less to worry about, I don't know you but I'm a bit troubled with how things are developing around here”

“True, at least it was fun when we were the loudest pair here. But with the food competitions unless we say goodbye to our abs, there is no way to tag along. -says Jones

“Is that your worry?”-Daniel bites back.

“Sure, if we lose the abs, how are we going to score?” -Jones says as if making the most obvious question in the world.

The twins have this issue of not managing to get a partner . . . ever. It could be because they boast of their looks, the fact that they are never apart from one another for more than a second or that they get jealous as soon as one gets a date and the other doesn't. But regardless, part of the reason they stay in top physique is due to their desire to find love.

“If that's your biggest concern then why not try and score with one of the guys in Salaza’s table, they seem more than friendly?” -Hill asks with the same monotone voice, making it hard to distinguished if he is joking or being serious on the matter

“Of course not, have you seen them eat? they wouldn't appreciate these gains” -Jones adds while flexing his arm.

“I could appreciate it” -says Neil behind him.

While we talked, he got closer to ask for our opinion on a dish and listened to some of our conversation. When we turned around to see him, he winked at Jones, ate a piece of chicken tender from his plate and walked back to his table. He was going back to his table with a swing to his walk, almost as if showing off his now slightly plumper hips.

Daniel was holding his laughter not for Neil but for Jones that looked as red as a tomato.

The next morning, I woke up early to workout with Connor. As we talked on the way there, not really looking where I’m going, I ended up crashing against something soft. It was Salazar, he was talking with Bradley in the Hallway.

He looks like he has grown more since the last time we talked, his belly growing to eclipse most of my view, his legs like tree trunks, his arms pressing against his side accentuating the start of moobs and his face looking rounder from the extra fat. We knew he was growing but up close its outstanding and it's no wonder with his track record. From all the cheers and shouts we hear at meals he seems to be winning every food challenge. They both keep their muscular bodies, Bradley more than Salazar at least. But for the amount of weight Bradley was carrying, he is looking less like a quarterback and more like an off-season linebacker.

“Im sorry Sal, I wasn't watching”

“No problem Will, you would need to do force to harm me with your size haha”

“Yeah I guess so haha, hey we are going to the gym. Do you guys want to tag along?”

He looked at Bradley for a second and replied with a disinterested shrug “Not really, we were just heading to the chow hall. they have cinnamon rolls if you are the first to get there and we need to keep the bulk going”

I shouldn't try to get involved in the situation, but I get worried for Salazar and Bradley and let my tongue get the best of me.

“I don't want to get in the way, but don't you think you should be cutting a bit now?”

He looks puzzled as if not understanding the comment and then he starts to laugh.

“Oh no Will, of course not. Its ok for you to ask, in my height is hard to build muscle without a strong base so all of this is necessary” -he adds slapping his belly that jiggles for a second before stopping.

“I get that . . . but with the food competitions and all, aren't you afraid of going too far?” -Connor replies

Salazar took a second and for a moment I was afraid of touching a nerve. But he smiles and with his chubby face his face radiates confidence.

“I know what you both mean but soon enough you will see how this gets results, and who knows maybe you will come ask for advice”

With that Bradley and Salazar walk away towards the chow hall and Connor and I just come to terms more with the fact that there is no dialogue to convince them to stop what's in motion.

That day after finishing our assignments I got a stomachache. It could be something I ate that didn't mix well with me. So, I decided to go to the infirmary for some medicine. Once inside I walk to this office at the other end of the building. I knock on the door, and he calls me to get in. I notice Doctor Donovan seems to have gained some weight. His cheeks look a bit puffier, and a bigger belly is pushing against his medical robe. Apparently even those not eating in the chow hall can indulge.

I explain my symptoms and he tell me to sit down while he looks for a quick remedy.

I ask if it's better to move to a cubicle.

“Oh there is no need, unless you are unable to stand on your own, I can evaluate you in my office. Just don't faint now haha”

While he looks for the medicine in his supplies, I see his pants struggling a bit as he bends over for a cabinet. Trying to cover the awkward silence I look for something to talk about. And my curiosity gets the best of me.

“So, why haven't you been eating with us lately? afraid of getting a stomachache as well? haha”

He retrieved the medicine and as he stands upright, we both hear a little rip. He blushed a bit, maybe concerned with the source of the sound, or my comment that reminds him of his growing middle and I’m immediately regretting the question realizing the connotation.

I was ready to be reprimanded for asking on a matter that's none of my business, but instead he says that he’s been helping the commander with some assignments of his own, so they both eat in the main hall for most meals.

“Not that I wouldn't like to eat with you all guys, the last time we were at the chow hall it was pretty lively”

“Yeah they are having their own fun at meals”

While we talk I see a file archive half open behind the doctor. He took my medical summary from it and I don't think too much about it, but I wonder what the files say about us at base.

Another couple of days pass and things around the base stay the same. Easy work, lots of free time and since the eating challenges continue, lots of food.

After Salazar managed to entertain the team with the eating competitions, more people joined him to try a shot at the challenge.

During lunch Carlos, Hill and I are waiting for the others at a table and Neil approaches.

“Oh Will you have to try this idea we had” -one of them tells me while

I see the half-eaten plate that so many of them have already tried and replied.

“Ah no thanks, I’m kind of full now hehe.”

He shrugs and offers some to Carlos.

“No thanks I'm fine” -he replies but after focusing on the plate he stops Neil before he leaves.

“Wait, is that sweet corn?”

“Yes, it’s new, it’s so good you have to try it out.”

Carlos gets closer to the plate and gets a spoonful of the mush, and moans at the test. He looks at me and acts naturally.

“Ahem yeah it's pretty good, thanks.”

While Carlos tries the food Connor and the twins arrive, they see the whole thing.

Neil looks excited and raises his voice so the rest of his table can hear “See they love my plate, put another point to me.”

I cross looks with Connor that suits down at the table and is as puzzled as me at how serious these people take their game.

Before Neil gets back to his table, he looks at the twins and says “Hi Jones. Maybe we could hang out again, later today if you are free”

Jones starts to change colors not knowing what to say, “Sure no problem, as long as I can bring along these bad boys” - he says and flexes his arm.

We all cringe at the sight of Jones' miserable attempt to be a human. Those two really do not know what to do when someone tries to flirt with them, but Jones takes the cake.

Neil laughs it off and goes back to his table.

Once we were all together Daniel said “What is that about? I thought you said you were not into Neil, and what does he mean about, Again?”

Then he looks at Carlos and adds

“And we said not agreeing to their food, otherwise they won't stop!”

Hill looks at Carlos and says “Its true Carlos you have stabbed us all in the back and the only solution is execution by firing squad, I’ll look for the materials on the storage unit”

Daniel glares at Hill for mocking his concern and Carlos interjects “I know, I'm sorry guys it won't happen again. . . well unless Neil gets invested in you Jones”

We all look at Jones waiting for a reply and he signs “Ok here is the thing, I had a little crush on Neil when we joined the team. He is my type ok, and even with the extra weight he looks cute”

Nobody says anything to object to the matter. Daniel looks at him with an expression that can only mean, keep going and so he does.

“So yeah, the day he tried to bring us food. He approached me afterwards to hang out in the recreation room”

Daniel looks puzzled and Jones adds “The day I got assigned the watchtower and you were patrolling, I kind dof left my post to hang out with him”  

“Jones you could have gotten in trouble just to hang out with Neil, you could have done that at any other time!” -Daniel adds exasperated.

“I know but he was really nice, I had fun and nothing happened. So no big deal”

We look at him, nobody commenting against the notion. Connor looks about ready to add something but refrains from it.

“And maybe I will go and spend some time with him again today!” -he continues to eat, and we let the matter end there.

I could see a worried look on Daniel's face, but we continued our meal and got back to work.

The next day while I do my assignments, I catch Jones and Neil on what could only be described as a date, or as much of a date you can have in a military base. They were sitting in the field with some food, Jones talking nonstop and Neil rubbing his arms. They seem to have fun and I move on.

The week passes by and the changes continue, people have started to go with their shirt’s outs, food stains have plagued some uniforms and during nights people have started to snore or mumble in their sleep.

One night Salazar woke up and left the barracks. He kicked my bed by accident on his way out and woke me up by accident. He didn't notice I was awake, so he just left the room for good. Trying to go back to sleep I felt my throat dry up. So I standed up to take some water from my bottle, and realized it was empty. Walking to the chow hall to fill up the bottle I see Salazar is already inside. He was having a midnight snack, or meal for the size of it. I enter to get the water hoping that he won't notice me with how focused he is on the meal.

On my way out the blasts the room with a belch and I turn back, we lock eyes and he smiles. He shouts “Hey dude come tag along while I'm here, no need to be sneaky”

“Oh don't worry Sal, I'm on my way back to bed, have a good meal tho” -I said while getting out of the chow hall and walking back to the barracks.

Once I'm in my bed a while later Salazar comes back huffing and puffing from a full stomach, ever since then more and more cadets would wake up to snack during the nights. Every time they will come back with a packed full belly and gasping for air.

The recreation room has become a massive point for gathering. People will do tournaments and pass their control to the next person over and over again. People camping out of the room snacking or sleeping while waiting for their turn.

While walking the base cadets are found boasting to one another about their recent achievements in the challenges at the chow hall, some of them eating mid day and joking about how they are all in a “dirty bulk”.

Jones and Neil continue to go out, one night during dinner he comes with Daniel and after taking his food he comes to us and say

“Hey guys, I will be eating with Neil for a while. Things are going well between us and I want to spend some extra time with him”

Daniel looks mortified but he remains quiet, nobody says anything and Connor finally breaks the silence

“Sure Jones enjoy the meal, you can always eat with us later”

Everyone adds congratulations to him and encourages him to go for it, except Daniel. Jones looks toward his brother but he doesn't say anything and after thanking everyone for their support he walks to Salazar's table. He sits besides Neil and gets a passionate kiss, some cadets whistle and cheer.

We continue to have dinner like always, Carlos is eating more than usual and he mentions how the food is tasting better now.

We let it slide and finish the meal and Daniel asks if we want to hang out afterwards. We all agreed and went to the field. Once there Daniel start to ramble

“Incredible, he just leaves us for Salazar’s little recruiter”

“Come on Daniel, it's not like they are building an army he is not doing anything criminal”-Carlos says

“That we know so far!, don't you all find it weird how suddenly they all start to act the same?”-he says looking angry and agitated.

“Daniel, if they are building an army, what are they fighting? the gym, the military, us? besides being lazy or hungry is universal not like they are drones” -I add

He looks at me and tries to come with a rebuttal but seems to realize how silly it all sounds.

“It's just so annoying how they just plucked him like nothing happened, he has been with Neil day and night for the past couple of days. It's just not how we do things!”

“Nobody plucked him Daniel, he went there out of his own volition” -Connor adds trying to be reasonable.

“Could it be possible that this is about being a tiny bitsy jealous of him dating Neil?” -Carlos asks nervously

“Of course not, I don't even like Neil!”

“You know he is not talking about Neil, he has a right to time of his own; and if you truly trust your brother, you have to allow him to drift away and come back” -Hill adds standing up and looking at Carlos “I'm going to bed, there is not much we can add to this situation”

Carlos stands up and says “Ok that's my queue to go as well. Have a good night everyone and Daniel, It's the first time he is having someone handling his energy. Cut him some slack”

With that Carlos and Hill go back to the barracks. We stay in silence for a second, Daniel sits down on the field, looking upon the stars and Connor whispers in my ear

“I'm going to bed. Try and talk to him, maybe it will help. You know use your Will charm”

Connor excuses himself and goes to the barracks leaving Daniel and me alone in the field. I get closer to him and I see he is looking at a picture of him and his brother. They are both kids in the picture playing around.

“I've been with him for everything, his silly blog in highschool, the time he wanted to go to the Appalachian trail when we were kids and our parents said no; He tried to get a ride there on his own and we were known as the runaway twins. Even when he tried to do that stupid prank channel. Do you have any idea how many opportunities I lose because my name is attached to ‘double pranks’?”

I try to remain serious, even when my brain bombards me of memories of that youtube channel. Jones couldn't shut up about it when we met and made me promise not to tell Daniel he showed it to me.

I put my hand in his shoulder and ask “I think what Carlos asked was, that maybe you are jealous of Jones getting a partner first”

“He doesn't have a partner, they've been dating for two weeks!”

“Come on Daniel you know what I mean”

he sighs and folds the picture, putting it back in his pocket he looks at me and replies.

“It's possible, I have botched so many opportunities with people before because I want to support him. That now that he is having a first time getting things his way I don't know”

“It's ok Daniel, you have done everything with him for a long time. It's natural that you feel a bit left aside. But he is still here and you are still siblings, no matter what happens you will stick to one another by the end”

He looks at me with a pained expression so I add “And yeah It's true that he is being a little bit weird but give it a couple of days and he will be back to the same old, same old. Even if he doesn't we have your back”

He shakes his head and nods my way “You are right, this is so dumb. I'm sorry I dragged you all into this. It's just not like him to react like this”

We stand up and walk back to the barracks to let time fix things.

The next few days that followed were marked by morning runs that were slowly having less and less people, Carlos slowing down and Hill catching on to him earlier than usual, the machines at the gym getting less crowded and Bradley showing up to train less often. At this point Salazar has stopped showing up all together.

During all of this Daniel looks pained with the distance from his brother. But we keep him company to help pass the time and he stays strong in his resolve. Sadly my comment of Jones coming back to his common self were . . . wrong.

He has stopped showing up to training to spend time with Neil, and spending time with Salazar and his team is rubbing some of their traits on him. He will participate in challenges and go to town for the sake of the validation of his loverboy.

whenever I cross paths with them and ask about the routine they reply about bulking for the moment and coming back to the gym soon. But I find it hard to believe, in the short time they’ve been together Neil managed to get Jones on track along with the rest of his group.

He has started to develop a beginner's gut and as Daniel started to notice, he started to speculate more and more of something going wrong. I know his words are a result of his pain, but I would be lying if I said some of his words haven't ingrained in my mind. Swirling during the nights looking at the ceiling of the barracks, especially when another cadet comes huffing from a midnight binge.

I try as much as I can, not to pay too much attention to the matter at hand but it's starting to become harder to ignore.

A few days into the week I have to take a shift in the watchtower and Carlos is the person with the shift before mine. I cross paths with Hill that's going there to bring Carlos some snacks.

“I owe him something so he asked me to bring him these” -he says while showing me fries with tons of toppings.

When we get to the top there is Carlos looking around the base finishing a protein bar, he throws the wrapper to the floor and belches loudly since he is unaware we are there. And I clear my throat to make our presence known

Carlos looks back at us with a face that said earth please eat me whole.

“Wow you can't even say sorry in front of our visits?” -Says Hill while giving Carlos his food

“Sorry guys, I've been just a bit gassy”

His belly rumbles and I notice his belly straining his shirt, it's looking bigger than before but his chest is the main attraction on display. the buttons on his chest are straining and I try to look away not to seem intrusive.

“And hungry it seems” -Hill Replies

“It's nothing really, it's just a little bloat, it will pass in a few days. I'm trying a new diet and it's common to get bloated at the start and . . .”

Before Carlos can ramble anymore Hill covers his mouth and says “Please shut up”

Then he gets his hand away from Carlos in a swift motion and Hill looks angry like I haven't seen him in a while. Carlos is lolling his tongue out with a cheeky smile.

“For Hades sake, did you just lick my hand?”

“Yeah, want me to lick something else?”

“Ok you have your snacks. I'm getting the fuck out of here.”

Hill gets out followed by a laughing Carlos.

I stay in the watchtower, cleaning the mess Carlos left behind him. Enough wrappers to fill a snack box, did he really have this all in a sitting and still asked Hill for more?. Maybe Daniel is right and we are turning into fat drones.

I stayed patrolling in the watchtower, I leaned in the border of the tower looking down at everyone dealing with their day. Boredom got the best of me and by the end of my shift I had fallen asleep in an awkward position, only waking up when Connor passed by to bring me something to eat and hang out.

I decided to pass by the infirmary to get a pain killer. That nap on the watchtower was worse than I thought. What I heard was Doctor Donovan inside moaning and wrinkling of aluminum paper. I knock at the door, and I can hear him scrambling around. He opens the door and I notice immediately that he got bigger than last time. His belly is pushing against his robe so much so you can see the gaps between the buttons begging for release. His arms look like sausages inside the sleeves and his pants are at two meals of retirement.

He lets me in to have my check up and I explain the situation. Around the cubicle there are pieces of fries and wrappers from different dishes from the chow hall all scattered around.

“Here it is, a light pain killer. We don't want you going around with something too strong” - he says with a jovial tone.

“Thanks doctor, I don't want to intrude but we haven't seen you or the commander around as much is everything ok?”

“Oh sure Will, but thanks for asking. The scientific team has been giving the commander a lot of paperwork and he hasn't been able to finish a stack of papers before a new one gets added”

“And you have been helping I imagine”

“Of course, we are a team after all” - he says with his chest puffing out.

His chest looks so strained in his clothes I was scared a button would fly to my eyes, at least in that case I'm already in the infirmary.

Once I'm out I tell Connor What I heard

“It's good to know they are ok, but having so much paperwork he can't regulate the camp? it’s kind of a problem” - Connor says.

I could only agree. With the commander out of service due to the scientist's continued request and the changing tone of our bootcamp all I can do is hope the experiment is close to an end.

I hope you all enjoyed this week’s chapter, get ready for some changes as the story picks up pace. Thanks again for your support and let me know in the comments if you have any ideas of what you would like to see next. << First Chapter / <Previous Chapter /  Next Chapter >>

[starrynightmuse]

A Character Study: Aegon II from House of the Dragon

3k+ words. Just a compilation of my thoughts concerning the character of Aegon Targaryen II. I'm not trying to debate or prove a point, I just wanted to pen down my views of him. Also, I did not mention Daeron because I wanted to focus on the TV show.

Beware, spoilers.

Aegon is a product of abandonment — by his father, mother, and his elder sister — and his personality holds all the signs of it. Viserys, for all his dreams of having a male heir, neglects the boy when he finally is born. The king instead showers all his affection on Rhaenyra, the only surviving child born out of the marriage with the true love his life, the late Queen Aemma.

Rhaenyra sees Aegon only as a rival and threat to her claim on the Iron Throne. In the book, the only reason she even agreed to marry Laenor Velaryon after the infamous Daemon scandal was because Viserys threatened to replace Aegon as his heir if she didn’t comply. Aegon's her competitor and nothing more. Rhaenyra makes it obvious when she makes a point to address him only as half-brother (she addresses all of Alicent’s children as half-siblings, for that matter).

As for Alicent, Otto Hightower was removed as Hand of the King shortly after Aegon’s birth — an event that Alicent blames Rhaenyra for. She’s now left in a court full of schemers; she has zero allies save for Ser Criston Cole and Larys Strong (the latter who she treats with trepidation because, let’s face it, he’s a creepy guy and his job as professional torturer doesn’t help). Her new position as Queen only isolates her further. To top it off, her husband blatantly favors her step-daughter over both her and her new baby boy, which only fuels the belief that Aegon’s life would be at risk should Rhaenyra succeed him.

Alicent is now feeling more alone than ever. I also think a part of her saw Aegon as the final event that ended her childhood once and for all. He represents a time of significant losses to her — loss of her maidenhood, loss of her father, loss of her bond with her childhood friend. She feels deeply betrayed by everyone she had been close to. By Rhaenyra, who lied to her about Daemon/Criston despite swearing on Aemma’s grave (which holds so much weight for Alicent because both her and Rhaenyra bonded over the deaths of their mothers). By Viserys, who married her when his heart still belonged to Aemma. By Otto, who had a hand in making her marriage with Viserys happen and then left her to raise her son — his grandson — all on her own. 

So Aegon had an absent father, an unfriendly older sister, and a mother who feels paranoid and isolated. Aegon may have only been a toddler but I don’t think he was clueless to the woes of his mother and tensions happening in court. Children always pick up on emotions.

It was the perfect recipe for creating the irresponsible young man he would grow up to be.

Now we’re going to be stepping into headcannon land, but bear with me. I’m imagining Aegon as a young boy in the throne room. He’s hiding behind Alicent’s skirts because I think young Aegon would’ve been a scared little kid. Growing up in court amidst all the animosity would have him both confused and anxious all the time. He’d blame himself for his father’s neglect and his mother’s worried eyes and frown lines. His older sister also hates him for apparently no reason too, at least according to Aegon. His mother whispers to him that the Iron Throne would be his one day, but soon he notices the cuts that his father gets from sitting on the damned chair. Cuts that always fester and that the maesters would eventually have to leech. He sees Viserys getting weaker and weaker each time he sits the throne.

That’s when Aegon decides that he doesn’t want the throne. He doesn’t want that fate.  I think Aegon is smarter than people give him credit for. He sees the Iron Throne for what it really is: a decoration and a cutting hazard. More importantly, he sees it as an extension of Viserys. The Iron Throne = the king = Viserys = the father who doesn’t care for him.

Well, fuck that, young Aegon thinks. I won’t care about you either. Fuck you and everything you stand for.

So he lets all his inhibitions run wild. I think it would start with small childhood acts of defiance — like boisterously interrupting important meetings around the Red Keep and playing rude pranks on lords and servants alike. Eventually he’d discover the secret passageways and he’d sneak off to Flea Bottom, pick fights with the locals just because he can, and get high at the Ale houses when he’s supposed to be studying.

What started as just a fun little drink to loosen up becomes his lifeline. Being sober opens up the path for analytical thought, and Aegon doesn’t want that, not with all the constant anxiety he feels. He wants to be far away from his reality, from his father, from his Targaryen heritage and everything it meant. 

So he drowns himself in cup after cup. One addiction leads to another, and pretty soon he finds pleasure and fighting rings added to his list of addictions too. This boy is an adrenaline junkie, and he chases high after high — be it from wine, from flesh, or from violence — just to keep his mind off the fact that he's a firstborn Targaryen prince. 

And if Alicent yells at him, what of it? All the slaps to his face only meant that she cares about him. Isn’t that the most important thing? Aegon thinks. The more debauched his activities became, the more she cared. (Aegon adopts the "Red Means I Love You" mentality).

I also think Aegon is jealous of Rhaenyra, sort of like how Aemond is jealous of him. Rhaenyra's irresponsibility is swept under the rug. Aegon, on the other hand, is treated as the family disappointment. No matter how many bastards she births, Viserys continues to dote upon her. No matter how many rumors circulate around King's Landing of her and her paramour, Harwin Strong, Viserys' love for Rhaenyra is unconditional. In other words, she easily receives what Aegon had always coveted.

As for his relationship with Jace and Luke — Aegon couldn’t care less that they were Rhaenyra’s bastards. Status and symbols mean nothing to him; he’s far happier in the taverns of Flea Bottom with the common people than he ever was with the stuffy nobles in the Red Keep. He has no quarrel with them, and they laugh along to his jokes and pranks. At least they know how to have fun, he thinks. Better Jace and Luke than shy, quiet Aemond who keeps to his studies (the fucking nerd) and weird Helaena who only talks about bugs.

Remember, Aegon feels awfully detached from his family. Aemond and Helaena definitely felt detached also; they too were neglected by Viserys. Each of them coped by withdrewing —  Aegon to his brothels and alehouses, Aemond to the library, and Helaena to her interest in insects.

But Rhaenyra’s side has never quite felt like “family” to him — Jace and Luke look nothing like him, while with Aemond and Helaena, Aegon sees his own silver hair and purple eyes staring right back at him, symbols of his Targaryen heritage. I think he truly did consider Jace and Luke as “friends”, or at the very least, playmates for a time. He teams up with them to bully Aemond, whom he could not feel more distant from, despite being closer in blood to Aemond than he with Jace and Luke.

Aemond's a twat, Aegon justifies. Helaena's a twat too. They both represent family and duty to him, especially Helaena, who is a constant reminder of the duties he must perform as prince and firstborn son. Aegon just wants to love and be loved, and he knows he can't give that to Helaena, nor she to him. "We don't have anything in common" is the excuse he uses for not wanting to marry her, if only to lie to himself that they have everything in common. They have the same last name, the same hair and eyes, the same blood of the dragon running through their veins. And they will be stuck in the same loveless marriage together.

So when Alicent scolds him (Rhaenyra’s sons won’t be your play things forever…We are family… out there, we protect our own), the full weight of what she’s saying doesn’t hit him, not immediately…

Until Lucerys takes out Aemond's eye.

Aegon’s not stupid — he knows how Viserys gives Rhaenyra and her children free passes for everything. But I don’t think he realized that it also meant the blacks would get away with maiming his brother, the king’s own son, too. The moment Viserys was more angry over the fact that his grandsons were called bastards than his son losing an eye was when Alicent’s words truly cemented into his mind. We are family. We protect our own.

(Jace and Luke never seemed sorry for their actions too. Were these the boys I sided with against my own brother? Aegon asks himself.) 

Aegon would be good at hiding it, but he’d feel immense guilt for not being there to protect his little brother. Viserys had proved to be undependable, so as the eldest son, it was now his job to protect his family.

He's relunctant, he admits. He can't connect with Aemond — his little brother was duty this, responsibility that, and frankly, it was annoying. He had never really understood Helaena (she's autistic coded). But Aegon is mad terrified of Viserys now. If his own father had threatened to cut out the tongue of anyone — noble or otherwise — who speaks a word against the blacks, and had refused to take justice for a Targaryen prince... then is anyone in his fraction truly safe? 

So Aegon stops bullying Aemond. Not that he had any cause left to bully Aemond with. The little boy had claimed the meanest, baddest dragon in the world and Aemond reminded everyone of this fact whenever he got the chance. But Aegon starts keeping his jesting to a minimum, and he decides to leave Aemond in peace. At least, for most of the time. Except for when he took it upon himself to teach Aemond "how to be a man" —  Aegon's version of sex education — something that Alicent would scorn if she ever found out but Aemond will eventually marry and someone needs to prepare him, Aegon thinks. Plus, it wouldn't hurt if my brother loosens up. He's all work and no play. 

(And when Aemond turns 13, Aegon takes him to a brothel on the Streets of Silk. Aegon thinks he's doing his little bro a favor. Aemond would never forgive him for it — but that's a story for another time.) 

Aegon also gives in and marries Helaena. Better me than Jacaerys, he thinks. If Helaena married into the blacks, Rhaenyra would always take Jace's side. The blacks didn't have a sense of justice and Aegon wouldn't subject his sister to that. I'm sure that deep down, he feels protective of her in a brotherly way, although he doesn't show it. He continues his debauchery despite knowing that it could harm her reputation but wine and women is where Aegon draws the line. I'll do what mother asks but I can't give up this.

(Aegon may think he would protect Helaena from the world but he fails to see that Helaena may need protection from him. Aemond sees this and steps up for the job.)

Aegon is also holding onto the hope that people would stop seeing him as heir if he acts unworthy enough. But in the attempt to distance himself from Viserys, Aegon turns out like his father in the process. He becomes an absent father to his children with Helaena. Good thing Uncle Aemond is there to help with the kids tho.

In spite of it all, things had started to fall into rhythm in the Red Keep for the Green kids. Aegon does his duty while still continuing his depravities, Helaena dedicates her time to her needlework and her babies, Aemond studies and trains with all his might to compensate for his lack of an eye. All is well, or as well as it could ever be. 

Until the matter of Driftmark's succession brings Rhaenyra’s clan back to the Red Keep.

While the petitions were being held, Aegon was indifferent to it all. To be clear, he didn't want Luke — the bastard who maimed his brother — to get Driftmark, but he wouldn't complain if Luke did, because it would only strengthen Rhaenyra's claim to the throne, thus making his own claim less valid. Aegon attends the ceremony and treats it with the morbid amusement of a man who had nothing more to lose. 

Then Daemon beheads Vaemond. That's when Aegon is reminded of who he is really dealing with. The blacks are no longer just Rhaenyra and her children — Prince Daemon, the notorious Rogue Prince, was now added to their list of foes. It was clear to everyone: the price for challenging Rhaenyra was immediate death. No trial, no mercy, no justice.

When Jace asks Helaena for a dance during dinner, Aegon’s protectiveness kicks in. He looks at Aemond, like, are you seeing this shit bro? 

This bastard thinks his family can get away with maiming my brother and he wants to dance with my wife as if nothing happened?

When the fight breaks out between Jace and Aemond, Aegon sees Luke rushing to Jace's side before stepping in to stop the boy from reaching Aemond. We protect our own.

I think that afterwards, Aegon was hit with the overwhelming reality that he had, more or less, managed to ignore for the past few years. It was easier to ignore the danger he was in with Rhaenyra gone. But now that she was back... and after witnessing Daemon's recklessness in the throne room... 

He sees his own head in the place of Vaemond’s. This could be my future, he thinks. Aegon wants to save himself before it was too late. 

To Aegon, running away probably seemed like a win-win situation. Rhaenyra gets the crown she wants, and Aegon gets his freedom. It’s better for everyone this way, he reasons.

“I will find a ship and sail away, never to be found,” he pleads Aemond, grasping his brother’s face with both hands. He’s desperate, and he’s hoping that his brother would understand. It’s not until Ser Crispy Cream arrives that Aegon ultimately gives in and abandons his plans.

“The queen awaits,” the knight says.

In the book, Criston Cole and Aegon spend time exchanging a few more words.

“What kind of a brother steals his sister’s birthright?” Aegon protests.

It’s not until Ser Criston explains to him that the lives of his mother, brother, wife, and children will be in danger that Aegon finally relents. The book made Aegon’s motivations behind his acceptance of his fate much clearer than the show, but I thought the series incorporated a cleverer, show-not-tell way to explain Aegon’s compliance. 

Think of it like this: Aegon’s holding on to the face of the brother whom he failed to protect seven years ago. Then his mother’s sworn protector — the knight who had been more attentive to him than his own father had, the man who watched him grow up — approaches him, putting an arm around his shoulder, saying “the queen awaits”.

At the mention of his mother, Aegon comes to his senses again. We are family, we protect our own. 

If Aegon fled, he would be leaving his family to the wrath of Daemon and Rhaenyra. The only way he can ensure their protection is to stay and become king. It’s the Targaryen Hunger Games. Neither will live while the other survives.

Aegon decides that he would not make the mistake that he made seven years ago at Driftmark. He lets go of his brother and follows Ser Criston.

In stories, heroes separate themselves from villains by being the ones who act out of love instead of ambition. Aegon’s morals are questionable, and he certainly is no saint, but his last act in HOTD season one — the one that would change the course of history — was done out of love.

Why else would he ask “Do you love me?” while Alicent is lecturing him in the carriage on the way to his coronation. He’s saying Look at me mother. I don’t care about the politics, I am doing this just because I love you and I need to know, I’m desperate to know, if you love me too.

I can’t wait to see the route that the show writers would take his character in the later seasons. Aegon is an attention whore, and judging by how he commanded the crowd during the coronation scene, I’m excited to see him in his role as king. I think he’d absolutely have fun pulling rank. I’m the king now so I as might as well milk this position for all it’s worth.

I want to see Unhinged Aegon when Blood and Cheese happens. I want them to show Aegon letting out the most feral scream that even Aemond would stand frozen in shock. I want Aegon promising Helaena that he’s going to kill the ones who murdered their son and swearing that he’d do anything to protect them all from this day onward. (Fate heard him say that they don’t have anything in common and decided to take it up as a challenge.) 

I want them to show Aegon and Helaena coping with the death of their son in their own ways — I want them to show Aegon killing every rat-catcher and Helaena locking herself in her own chamber. I want Aegon to have such a rage and thirst for revenge that Aemond seems almost harmless in comparison. Blood and Cheese awakens a monster in Aegon. Aemond’s mind unravels due to his guilt (Jaehaerys wouldn't be dead if he hadn't killed Luke) and Helaena drowns in her grief. Alicent can do nothing but watch as her daughter becomes a shell of a person and her sons become deranged.

[beeffilledshark]

Had shower thoughts about IBO in a hotel bathroom so I need to have a quick rant about all the dipshits who hate season 2 because they think Orga “just got stupid” or whatever the fuck.

So I decided to make a compilation of all the adults that tried to deceive/use/betray Tekkadan throughout the show

(Note: i didn’t include Nobliss Gordon because I forgot and the app only lets you include 10 images. Also including McGillis because he’s an adult even tho I consider him an Iron Blooded Orphan (but that’s a rant for another time))

Like, is it REALLY that much of a surprise for an orphan child soldier who gets involved with the mob at 16 to want to financially set his family for life by taking the shortest avenue possible? Growing up, he never met a single adult who didn’t view him as sub-human trash or a literal tool, other than Nadi (the mechanic). His first actual role model was a fucking mobster that commanded a ship full of wives. It’s an absolute wonder he lasted as long as he did as an interplanetary political figure.

In his experience, adults will always try to take advantage of him and his family because that’s just how the world works. It’s only a matter of time before the next adult that works with them will try to screw them over and get them killed. He wants to protect those he loves, and to an orphaned child soldier, the only way people won’t fuck with you is if you’re the literal King of Mars.

This poor kid had the weight of an entire family resting on his shoulders and the pressure to give Mika a place he belongs. AT THE AGE OF SIXTEEN. WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING AT SIXTEEN BECAUSE MY BIGGEST CONCERNS WERE OVERWATCH COSMETICS AND AO3 FICS (I know he’s 18 in season 2 but that mfer did not have the chance to mature between the rapidly expanding Tekkadan responsibilities and the Half-metal trade moving to Teiwaz and, by extension, them).

Also, it’s made painfully obvious that Biscuit fulfills a crucial part in Tekkadan’s decision making. He’s the voice in Orga’s head that tells him he’s going too far or he’s forgetting the rest of the family. It makes his death and the inertia they build towards the fatal endgame all the more tragic.

I’m sure there’s other reasons people dislike season 2, but this is, by far, the point I’ve seen stressed the most when people sight their preference of season 1. I, personally, LOVE season 2 BECAUSE of Orga’s failures. He and Mika easily take the spot of my favorite shonen protagonists because it’s so easy to be swept up in the genre of being the scrappy underdogs that always come out on top by sheer force of will and a LOT of luck. But this is the first Shonen I’ve seen that ends with the protagonists getting utterly fucked because of their inability to not push on and move forward. In a way, it feels like a subversion of the genre and it makes it so much more gripping.

But that’s just my two cents. I’m not denying that Orga is an imbecile, by the way. Look, he says it right here.

[respectthepetty]

Help, I'm new to the BL world. Why do we all hate Krist?

Anon, @piningbisexuals wrote about why some of us do not like him, and it boils down to him making several troubling comments which he has yet to apologize for, so a majority of us understand this man continues to be problematic, and because of that, we feel . . . um . . . mmm . . .

A concerning amount of these BL actors stay problematic mostly for people who act in BLs, so he fits in with the crowd, but if anyone has ever worked in retail, the food industry, or customer service in general, we know there are better ways to handle people's wild questions or requests. If we could deal with middle-class Karens demanding their cheese be melted at a certain temperature while we worked for pennies, then these actors can definitely dig deep to better answer some of these questions.

However, the reason I do not like Krist is because

Homie can't act!

I watched SOTUS when it aired and remember NONE of it, probably because I blocked out Krist's acting, so as a main character, I had to block out 82% of the show. I have no recollection of watching SOTUS S whatsoever. Singto's back had to hurt carrying the weight of their scenes.

And what makes it worse is Krist can actually act! He was fine in Good Old Days and Who Are You, but in SOTUS, he was stiff (and don't try saying maybe he evolved over the years or that's what the character required because R2-D2 is an actual robot and has more personality than Arthit!). So that makes me believe the reason for Krist's odd acting choice was due to being paired in a romantic plot with a man.

Krist already said he wouldn't do another BL unless he was desperate, and he looks uncomfortable acting with a man, so why would he be given the lead in another BL?! Who are we punishing here because I feel like it's the audience!

Also, Fluke is no Singto. I like Fluke. He can sing. He is nice to look at. He can act. But I showed up for the DanYok (Not Me) pair because First has always done his job well (even in The Shipper!). Fluke and Pond's dynamic worked in Dark Blue Kiss because of their story line, but if Krist does what he did in SOTUS, Fluke is not strong enough to carry the plot which hinges on Krist's character growing from his past mistakes (a little on-the-nose, right?) simply because no matter how much Fluke gives to his character, if Krist sucks, the entire show will be off balance.

I hope he surprises me, but that beach scene and bed scene in the trailer didn't help ease my fears.

I need Krist to bring out his inner Stanley Tucci and give me the best performance from a straight man since Tucci acted against CHER and X-tina in Burlesque.

I need this man to do his job and act.

[simslegacy5083]

NSB (Straud Legacy) Gen 9 Ep 93: The Shape of You

Luigi wasn’t alone in being anxious about the pregnancy.

Despite a relatively complication free first trimester, when they arrived at their second trimester appointment with Dr. Valezquez, the experienced therapist took one look at Noemi’s troubled expression and ill-fitting outfit and immediately recognized a sim in desperate need of comforting.

She welcomed them both warmly and jumped right in: ���Our last session was quite focused on Luigi’s concerns. This time, let’s start with the mother to be. Adjusting to big changes like this can give anyone a hard time, and we’re here to find ways to help. So how are you feeling, dear?”

Noemi replied that she’d had a very helpful glimpse into their future recently. “Luigi’s teammate just had an adorable little baby boy and invited us over for dinner. Breanne, his wife, has already raised one child and told me a lot about what to expect in the years to come.”

Luigi jumped in to say that the way his co-captain had taken to the baby gave him great hope for his own child when Dr. Valezquez cut him off.

“Yes, spending time with other parents of a similar age can be very helpful, but we were waiting to hear how Noemi was feeling.”

“I’ve been taking very good care of myself, cooking healthy meals and avoiding junk food and empty calories. I’m also fully back into my old fitness regime and pushing more weight at the gym than ever before.” As she spoke, even Luigi noticed how she unconsciously seemed to hide her belly.

He thought back to noticing her longing looks at the sugary breakfast cereal he’d bought for her as she prepared a low-fat egg white omelet, and the way she’d been working out to the point of exhaustion. He glanced at the therapist and asked: “Is it possible to be in too good a shape?”

 “Not necessarily” the Doctor said, “But it raises an important question. Noemi, what do you think the healthiest shape is, for someone growing a whole new person right around … here?” She pantomimed a baby belly on herself, rounded and projecting. “And the healthiest frame of mind?”

Noemi’s eyes filled with tears at the question. She grabbed some tissues from the box Dr. Velasquez kept on hand and snuggled into her boyfriends' outstretched arms to explain: “The changes to my body are freaking me out a bit. My mom said a lot of hurtful things about my weight when I hit puberty. That’s when I started focusing more on working out and eating healthy.”

“My departed wife, Kiana, helped me learn to love and accept myself, but mom’s unkind words when we told her about the baby brought all those insecurities roaring back to the surface. Suddenly I was right back to hating looking at myself in the mirror.” She buried her face in Luigi’s shoulder. “I’m afraid if I put on baby weight, I’ll never get rid of it. ”

“It’s normal to struggle with the physical changes pregnancy brings, especially for people who’ve struggled with their body image in the past” their therapist gently told her. “But it’s important for you and your baby to get the fuel and rest you need to grow in healthy ways. Feel free to keep doing exercises that feel comfortable, but now isn’t the time to push harder.”  She smiled. “Don’t worry, you’ll get to do all the pushing you want at the end.”

“If mirrors make it harder to love yourself, please, let your doctors and family support you there.” She looked at Luigi “Can we count on you to help Noemi see that she is beautiful and loved?”

 “Of course!” he said “Noemi will always be beautiful to me, no matter what. I just want her and the baby to be happy and healthy.”

“Great!” Dr. Valezquez beamed. “It’s a special time, enjoy it! Noemi, savor those cravings and enjoy whatever food your body calls for. Go shopping for something that shows off your new shape, rather than trying to hide it.”

Unknowingly mirroring Beau she continued: “Most importantly, start getting excited about the baby to come. It may help you both to remember this is really all about the third person on my couch right now.”

“I recommending finding out your little one's gender at your next OB visit and start trying out names. Studies show that finding out the gender of an unborn baby and giving him or her a name helps with bonding. Buy some cute things to decorate their room, talk to them, and wait for those baby kicks to start in earnest!” The doctor patted her own belly with a faraway look in her eye. “Getting prepared ahead of time will make things much easier when your baby finally arrives.”

The couple left their session that day with lots of “homework”, but in a much better frame of mind than the last time.

They would have one more session before the baby was born, and they both hoped to have made some progress, and have good news to share, by the time that final appointment rolled around.

View The Full Story of My Not So Berry Challenge Here

[stargirl092]

Behold, an unasked for, frankly concerning, painfully cringy and probably idiotic rant about Bojack horseman. read if you want lmao

first off, I am not that far into Bojack horseman, I am just now finishing up the second season. and even though I haven’t seen that much I am literally obsessed with it, and have consumed a very embarrassing amount of media about it I PROMISE I KNOW WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT I HAVE WATCHED A MILLION VIDEO ESSAYS. I am very passionate about this please bear with me Lmao.

As a mentally Ill person, Most media about mental illness and especially depression misses the mark. Books like “girl in pieces” and “my year of relaxation and rest” seem like they are laced with misery from the start to finish page, and seem like there is no actually depth and everything sits on the surface (I have read both of these books by the way). I believe they very commonly include controversial topics that can be sort of alienating instead of making people feel included, which doesn’t make a ton of sense but I feel it’s very possible to have actual depth without literally actively alienating the people that consume your content.

with BoJack Horseman, I genuinely assumed it was a stupid cartoon about a talking horse. Which it sort of is, but I heard good and bad things about it so I decided to try for myself and I was immediately compelled by how they introduce such serious topics with an on the surface almost stupidity, but also humor and ACTUAL ACCURATE DEPICTIONS OF DEPRESSION. as a person with depression and anxiety, I do not want to see a extremely attractive girl wearing makeup with perfect hair sitting in her bed in her spotless room while a singularly tear falls down her stupid but conventionally attractive face. I mean, not saying that’s not a valid experience of depression but depression/mental illness is messy. It’s disappointing, unbearable, and complicated. For most cases, it can negatively impact things like your character, social life, relationships with people you love, career, or ANYTHING in an awful way. And that doesn’t make you a bad person, but that is realistically The affects mental illness can/will have on you. Once again, not saying that mental illness has to ruin your life for it to be valid but a lot of the Time it can, or almost can.

take BoJack, for example. he is an alcoholic, has strangled a girl, sabotaged Todd’s career, backstabbed herb ETC ETC. So yea, he’s sort of a bad person and that’s a question the show sort of lets you answer for yourself. But he also had an awful childhood and absolutely hates himself. To alot of people, that makes him real because when you have the things that happen to BoJack happen to you, the things he does to people are things that THE CAUSE MAKES SENSE FOR THE AFFECT. despite all of this, BoJack tries to be a better person relentlessly, and fails every time. BoJack is painfully human (which is funny because he’s a horse) and that’s why he is an amazing character and a realistic character. It doesn’t make sense to have a traumatized mentally Ill character that is literally perfect and completely unscathed.

Take Diane, for example. Diane is an example of an amazing complex character. some people don’t like Diane and think she is a hypocrite, WHICH IS LITERALLY BULLSHIT AND I COULD SPEND HOURS TALKING ABOUT WHY ITS BULLSHIT. BoJack and Diane had similar childhoods, where they were both told negative things by their family members/parents but the main difference is that BoJack believed them and Diane did not. Another point is that BoJack and all the other characters make you feel comfortable with being or feeling “broken” but Diane makes you feel uncomfortable about not doing anything about it. Diane does make a sort of recovery, by taking antidepressants, gaining weight, and divorcing Mr. Peanut butter. Diane is complex, realistic and an amazing character. Tbh I think most Diane haters are just misogynistic.

One last example is Todd. Todd is supposed to be the sort of comic relief, stupid character (ex. “Todd pick up your shit”) But he has depth!! He has trauma and issues and he’s asexual, which is pretty cool because I never see asexuals in tv shows. id say a time you get a little glimpse into Todd as a whole is when he tells Bojack; “it’s not the drugs, it’s not the alcohol, it’s not the shitty things that happened to you when you were a kid, you are all the things that are wrong with you. Fuck, Man what else is there to say?” which is an amazing line and a hard truth that Bojack kinda needed to hear. Also may I add the genius use of the word fuck in the entire series, only using it once per season to really put emphasis on something. It is not used casually in the show. The only time it is used in season one is when BoJack tries to apologize to Herb and he says “Now get the fuck out of my house.” Which is a very big deal for BoJack.

Overall, this is way too long and I think it takes actual talent to be able to portray depression so well and have lines like “before I jumped, I should have seen the view from halfway down” (which btw is gonna be my yearbook quote) and also be about talking animals and be animated. Genuinely very impressive.

edit: I CANT BELIEVE I FORGOT SARAH LYNN OH MY GOD

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

P5R Random Thoughts #2

(I am currently doing a blind playthrough of this game. Please no spoilers in the tags or notes if you can help it!)

So far I've seen two Persona awakenings: Joker's and Ryuji's. (Morgana already had a Persona so I'm curious about how he awakened but I presume the story will get to that later.)

The neat thing about the awakenings is that they are undeniable triumphs but also not a cure for their problems.

You might think, well duh, they've still got all the cruel things and people in the outside world to contend with - but I'm actually not talking about the external. I'm saying the awakenings are a breakthrough for their inner problems but that they don't "fix" their internal struggles completely.

It's really notable in Ryuji's awakening. Ryuji hears "you're a punk", "nobody's going to look beyond that", "you only cause problems for others", etc., and says. Yeah actually. I'm a punk. Let's roll, baby. And then awakens to a goddamn pirate which is great.

It's triumphant, because Ryuji doesn't say "that's not who I am", Ryuji says "actually, asshole, that's exactly who I am, and you have no right to look down on me for it". Tells him off for looking down on him while smiling then shoots him a cocky, arrogant grin right back. Good for him! *wipes tears* Good for him.

However... as much as this is a triumph, it also suggests some concerning things about the way Ryuji views himself. He spends the entirety of the build up before this point lamenting the fact that he can't do anything useful, even though he brought things with him that he thought would help. In fact, he near constantly brings it up and looks incredibly guilty about it - and what's more, when it comes to the track team and what happened, even though it was Kamoshida who aggravated him and broke his leg, Ryuji doesn't deny the accusation that the track team's disbanding was his fault. Ryuji accepts the notion that he causes problems for other people, when in actuality, he does his best to be as helpful as possible and hates people who take advantage of others. He's trying to offset all these internalized beliefs that he is somehow a "bad influence" and "nothing but trouble" - so, he's caught between the ideas of "I'm a bad influence. So what?" and "I'm a bad influence. I need to make up for that by pulling my weight as much as I possibly can." It seems Ryuji genuinely thinks he's not that great of a person which... come on. I hope we get a bit of resolution to this later on... because he's not a bad influence at all. At least, not on Joker. It's the other way around actually.

As for Joker, I've talked a bit before about how he has the spirit and the compassion and the raw anger to fight against injustice, but is currently rather directionless. The story will likely show him becoming more certain about his beliefs and convictions, and more importantly, what to do with them.

As for my other random thoughts so far:

Morgana is so self-interested and kind of hilariously morally grey. "They seem useful for my goals." "We don't have time to be worrying about other people!" (after they stopped to rescue him...) "Yeah you suck Blondie. Anyways, Frizzy Hair-" *points at shadow* "KILL." Is it bad that I find him genuinely amusing at this point?

Red-haired ponytail girl showed up and she's really, really nice to people. Like... to the point where I'm a bit suspicious? Ugh maybe this is just me being naturally mistrustful but she's really kind of overly nice, and it makes me feel like she's compensating? That plus the promise/deal she talked about at the beginning... I don't know. Consider me curious anyways. All those comments about how thin she is though... I hope she eats properly? Like this situation could easily be a suspicious one or it could be driven by insecurity and self-hatred. Or she could just be nice and I'm overthinking it.

Love the transitions and the way you can see other characters in the background sometimes before their proper introductions. The little details and the overall feel of the game is really nice. Like, I'm pretty sure the girl in the pink sweater is Haru, right? And you get a little bit about how she's maintaining a garden on the roof? (She seems precious, honestly.) Also Joker and Ryuji walked right past Sae and Sushi Boy, which is really funny to me. And in the main menu! If you switch too fast between options, Joker crashes into the screen dfhvndifjvn

Speaking of the menu, in the background, you can see Joker holding his hand up and out, which shields his face from player view, and the words "Don't look at me" in the background... hm... more characterization for the boy, I suppose

[avpdpossum]

how do you tell the difference between avpd and bpd fear of abandonment?? i have bpd and a Strong fear of abandonment then i have pretty much every avpd symptom to a concerning degree but im anxious it may be the bpd,,, not to mention i have autism too

this is an issue i ran into a lot when i was first trying to figure out what the hell was going on in my brain – i used to think i had bpd because i mistook the avpd fear of rejection for the bpd fear of abandonment. what i've found is that a lot of the key differences are in expression – our internal experiences are often incredibly similar, but we show it outwardly in different ways – but there are also some more fundamental differences in the fear itself.

here are some differences that come to mind for me. keep in mind that none of these are absolute or universal, they're just my own personal observations of common patterns in avpd vs bpd and how the two differ. it's very possible for someone with avpd to relate more to a description of bpd or vice versa because, no matter how well you try to articulate the differences, there's always a lot of overlap between the two.

the bpd fear tends to be more focused on the act of abandonment itself and the fact that a person is leaving, while the avpd fear tends to be more focused on the criticism inherent in a person leaving us and the embarrassment that comes along with that criticism. for us, someone leaving means we did something wrong and that means criticism and criticism means embarrassment and embarrassment means deep, inescapable shame. as i understand it, the bpd fear is a lot less about the criticism/embarrassment of the situation and a lot more weight is put on the actual act of the person leaving.

while both of us experience a really intense longing for connection with other people, people with bpd are a lot more likely to actually go out there and take risks for the sake of finding people than avoidants are. i would guess that's related to the previous point – in bpd, the actual presence or absence of a person is a bigger part of the equation, so it makes sense to try to fill that hole at all costs; with avpd, the most important thing is avoiding the embarrassment of not being accepted, so we're a lot more likely to just avoid people altogether, since a person can't reject you if they're not in your life to begin with. that's why unstable relationships are more characteristic of bpd while a total lack of relationships is more characteristic of avpd.

people with avpd may go through periods of coping with our fear of rejection by giving up on people altogether, but it tends to be more generalized than the splitting you see with bpd. in my experience, ours tends to look like "fuck the general concept of people and socializing, it sucks and i hate it" while in bpd it tends to look more like "fuck this person in particular, they suck and i hate them". both are ways that we try to protect ourselves from rejection/abandonment by leaving other people before they can leave us, but at least from what i've seen, the avpd way of doing that tends to be more generalized than in bpd.

on the topic of the "leave them before they leave you" tendency, while both tend to result in pushing other people away to try to protect ourselves, we typically use different methods of pushing them away. avpd methods tend to be more, well, avoidant – we essentially just try to run the other way as fast as possible and fade out of their lives, ghosting them or getting really impersonal in our interactions until the relationship fizzles out. bpd methods tend to be more hands-on, actively doing things in the relationship that will make the other person want to end it.

people with bpd tend to react to their fear impulsively, while avoidants tend to react by overthinking. someone with bpd is more likely to react to the threat of abandonment by doing anything and everything they can think of to escape it, while someone with avpd is more likely to react by thinking through every single possible response we could have and all the ways it could go wrong to the point of essentially paralyzing ourselves. we both generally end up in the same place – spiraling because whatever we did (or didn't do) didn't work and something still went wrong and maybe our actions or lack thereof even made things worse – but we tend to get their through different routes.

avpd and bpd fears both involve hypersensitivity and emotional dysregulation, but one thing that's specifically characteristic of avpd is our efforts to shut down those emotions because we're in some way afraid of them. all of those strong, messy emotions found in both disorders are absolutely terrifying to us because our brains focus in on anything that could be potentially embarrassing and emotions – especially ones we don't feel in control of – have prime embarrassment potential. in people with bpd, if a similar feeling is present, it'll tend to look more something along the lines of a fear that the emotions will be "too much" and cause someone to leave. in avpd, it's not about the fact that the emotions might make someone leave, it's about the reason that person would leave: the fact that our emotions have clued them into all of the flaws we've been hiding, and now everyone knows about everything wrong with us and that's unbearable.

i hope all that makes sense and helps! keep in mind that i don't personally have bpd so everything i'm saying about bpd here is taken from things i've seen other people say, and it may not be as accurate as what i've said about avpd, since avpd is something i actually have lived experience with that i can draw from.

also keep in mind that you don't have to use labels that aren't helpful to you – if you think it might be avpd but trying to figure that out just stresses you out and you can get the support you need with or without the avpd label, you don't have to worry about it! you could just say you have avoidant traits and call it a day, you could just say you have bpd and not worry about labeling every single thing – it's entirely up to you and what's helpful to you.

if anyone else has any other examples to add, or wants to expand upon the things i've mentioned, please do! this is an area of overlap that trips a lot of people up, and there really aren't enough resources on how to navigate it.

[ilynpilled]

the thing about show jaime is that he underwent severe bowdlerization from the beginning along with the boring stagnation and general arc destruction whatever that kicks in full force later on. like as much as i agree that they removed/ruined many positive aspects of his (and added a bunch of nonsense show only actions, or even changed the core of scenes to force him in certain directions) it also really bugs me how digestible they made him in a lot of ways. nothing burger. like i knew something was not right from the start with that ned/jaime scene. ik george does not have as much beef with that shit as i do but god i hate it i hate it so much. why was he bordering on “villainous anti-hero rival” instead of the genuinely horridly cruel coward he was that had his personal baggage and complex with ned bleeding right into the concern regarding the tyrion situation in abhorrent ways. he is trying to reinforce his moral nihilism in every way. instead they just had a generic ‘muh honorable duel’ cock fight type interaction right on my screen (dumb bc again if he actually kills ned tyrion is doomed). like i can excuse the loss of atmosphere and accuracy like ok budget constraints etc and as much as i could jokingly complain about how jaime would have cut that man down in seconds in a fight idgaf about that it is the fact that the writers were already making him into someone ‘likeable’ and doing it in the most surface level boring way imaginable. it also just makes his character kind of incoherent bc he is supposed to be disillusioned and pretty morally nihilistic. i get that you cannot recreate the type of unveiling of depth that is present in the books because you can’t replicate the pov structure in tv that easily, but you could try to do something. framing is also integral to jaime’s character to me. and they kept dropping in things like this that framed him as more ‘sympathetic’ to hint at depth, but it ultimately made his overall narrative so much more generic. jaime is so much more functional if we do not know him and if he completely buries his ‘self’ and we only see him framed extremely negatively by the protagonists (and by what he presents himself as outside of the context of his perspective, what he is at that point: what his rationalization of his own amorality is). jaime is at his lowest point in that book, his alter-ego, one that ned himself (and what he embodied in jaime’s mind when he was 17) is at the origin of, seeped into his actual identity entirely. that scene in particular is in a lot of ways the epitome of that because it is a confrontation with ned himself. and aerys is such an emphasized underlying tension in that scene in the books. jaime brings it up, ned fixates on his sword and makes the connection: the baggage cannot be removed. it is annoying to me because a part that i really love about jaime’s character construction is perception and how your real self is affected by how you are viewed. how that works so well thematically with this whole thing about heroes, villains, knights, myths, songs, and how figures are framed & idealized/dehumanized. the wildfire plot as a reveal is also about framing and recontexualization. if you contradict so much of this so early and make him into a digestible villainous rival anti-hero in a confrontation with ned of all people it becomes more generic and nothing burger. the scene also just removes the weight of jory’s death in particular. i know thrones was always obsessed with making flawed terrible no good protagonists less flawed and easier to like (and this is not only about morality, it is also about a ‘badass’ factor, i liked that in the books jaime left the scene, he didn’t even do the killing that he ordered [juxtaposing ned on purpose] he wants to shit on everything ned stands for to enable his own moral corruption and reinforce his moral nihilism) bc they were worried about jumpscaring the audience but ugh. ok rant over im convinced im like the only person on this planet who is this insufferably pretentious book purist about this scene of all scenes lmao

[sapphire-weapon]

Okay, so apologies! I am a new fan in a way, I have been playing all the games of Resident Evil or trying at least. I have played through Resident Evil 1 Remake, and currently, I'm in Resident Evil 5. I don't understand why people are so forced to believe the things are the same. Like Ada in the original obviously sells plagas despite Ada Remake obviously has a bit of guilt. And I understand the frustration of Resident Evil 6, especially when the movies are suppose to clarify their story. (Like Damnation is suppose to explain they have met around and why Resident Evil 6 is its sequel for Aeon)

This timeline is stupidly messy. Especially with its useless moments. This world needed a remake, but people are just blinded, still believing everything is the same. Like, people don't care about these characters or their stories. They do realize their characters look like dicks if they continued their old ways. And I don't get why Resident Evil 4 was Leon's, I'm guessing because he was the pretty boy.

It's just pathetic that we don't see Wesker until 5 and we have to play Veronica and revelations to see Wesker. And he fucking dies in 5.

Anyways, I love Chris and Sheva. I'm excited to play 6 to see that mess and see why fans either love or hate this game.

so i'm not sure what you mean by this:

They do realize their characters look like dicks if they continued their old ways. And I don't get why Resident Evil 4 was Leon's, I'm guessing because he was the pretty boy.

and wesker was in 4, so i'm also not sure what you mean by saying "we don't see Wesker until 5."

but as far as the first part is concerned...

me and @godtier had a really long conversation about this a few days ago. on top of the checklist mentality that old fans went into the remakes with, RE2 remake in particular was written how fans remembered the game, and not how the game actually was.

what i mean is.

in OG RE2, leon is kind of a fucking dick. he's an asshole cop with an ego who tries to throw his weight around and then whines when no one follows his authority. but that's not how the fandom remembers him in that game. fandom remembers him as being a naive optimistic Good Boy uwu who gets screwed over big time and doesn't deserve it. so that's how the remake was written.

in OG RE2, ada's actually kind of soft and well-mannered, and the affection that she shows for leon is genuine. but that's not how fandom remembers her in that game. fandom remembers her as being That Spy Bitch Who Manipulated Leon. so that's how the remake was written.

in OG RE2, claire is a nice girl with an exceptional amount of patience who tries to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. but that's not how fandom remembers her in that game. fandom remembers her as A Redfield(TM) with a short temper who doesn't take any shit. so that's how the remake was written.

so when you have the game being written in a way that matches up with people's (false) memories in addition to the checklist mentality that fans went into the game with, yeah, you get people going "this is exactly how it was in OG."

what blows my mind is that new fans buy into this, too, when they're the ones who should be listening to the bullshit old fans are saying and going "but that's not true."

[uncloseted]

I'm not body shaming when I ask this but do you think ariana grande is suffering from some form of eating disorder? She's clapped back last year saying she's at the healthiest she's ever been but it's hard to deny her weight loss has visually aged her and she has signs of someone suffering an ed (e.g. how the skin sits around her mouth and neck). Again no hate and good for her if she really is at her healthiest but visually it's showing the opposite

So first things first I want to say that I have a really soft spot for Ariana. I don't really listen to her music or anything, and I know she's been ✨problematic✨, but I've liked her ever since her Victorious days and I think she's really talented. So nothing I'm about to say is coming from the position of being a hater. I also want to be clear that I think other people's health statuses aren't really our business, whether that's neurological/"mental" health or something else, and I don't think artists are obligated to tell their fans about their health struggles. Health is something that's so personal and so emotionally complicated, and I think if people do talk about it, it should be on their own terms when they're ready to do so.

In terms of her appearance, I think that the bleach blonde hair with no eyebrows that she has for her role as Glinda in Wicked probably isn't helping the perception that she looks old. She also (reportedly) stopped getting Botox and fillers around 2018, which may be contributing to her looking older than other celebrities who get those kinds of treatments.

All that said- and I'm trying to tread carefully now- I think it's apparent that she's lost weight over the past year or so, whether intentionally or not, and I wouldn't be surprised if an eating disorder is the cause of her weight loss. I think the insistence that she's the "healthiest she's ever been" suggests that the weight loss she experienced isn't caused by another health issue (like hyperthyroidism or cancer), so it seems like a neurological health issue like an eating disorder would be the most likely cause.

And that kind of makes sense. Ariana Grande has a collection of traits that are common risk factors for developing an eating disorder. She's incredibly driven and probably a bit of a perfectionist, she's been in the public eye since she was 16 and has constantly heard comments on her body throughout that time, being petite is part of her brand, she has hypoglycemia, she's vegan, and she's been through quite a bit of trauma. It makes sense to me that all those things combined could lead someone to develop a restrictive eating disorder. I think very few women who are in the public eye like that have a normal relationship with food. In the video where she's addressing the concerns about her weight, she even has a little pop up that says, "you have talked a lot about [my body] over the past decade or longer so I'd like to join in this time." Plus, the whole donut licking, "I hate Americans" controversy she had has always seemed to me like a product of disordered eating, although that's pure speculation.

In terms of claiming that she's the "healthiest [she's] ever been" I know I've heard that same kind of defense of weight loss from people whose eating disorders manifest as being obsessive about eating healthily- a lot of the time for people who are vegan. She mentions in the TikTok that at her previous weight, she was "on antidepressants and eating poorly", so she may truly believe that she's the healthiest she's ever been due to her diet being the "cleanest" it's ever been and no longer taking medication. She may not be able to see that her weight loss is potentially dangerous to her health. In that same TikTok, she says that, "you never know what someone is going through, so even if you're coming from a loving or caring place, that person is probably working on it or has a support system that they're working on it with," which makes me think that maybe she does know her weight is a problem and has a team who are helping her with her recovery.

All that said, at the end of the day, I think she's right. We don't know what other people are going through, and speculating isn't helpful, even when it's under the guise of expressing concern. I think talking as much as we do about celebrities' bodies, especially the bodies of celebrities who are minors, causes a lot of harm to their perceptions of themselves. If she does have an eating disorder, thousands of people commenting on her body isn't going to convince her to seek treatment. It's just going to make the problem worse, and so I feel a little weird even answering this question and contributing to the conversation. And you never really know what a person's health status is just by looking at them. A lot of people who "look" healthy have invisible illnesses, and a lot of people who "look sick" are perfectly healthy. But equally, I think it's important that people understand that that kind of thinness isn't just a body type that some people have, and it's not healthy to be underweight for your height and bone structure. I think this idea that some people are just naturally super underweight and healthy feeds disordered eating behaviors in its own right and makes it harder for people to acknowledge that they need help because their health is in danger.

[riverdale-retread]

Riverdale S7 E6 Peep Show.

The episode opens with Jughead in bed reading comic books with the editorial condemning  those same comic books.  This is the second or third time they’ve shown Jughead Jones in his tight-fitting long johns in bed, reading.  Is this- is this supposed to be fanservice for the Jughead girlies? (Of which I admit I am one).  But I mean, Is it?  The only other character I can recall who was regularly shown in this sort of underwear is Goofy from Disney.  This is an odd choice, because so much of this episode revolves around showing bodies and how best to showcase them in underwear.  

Anyway, as Jughead reads a Pep Comic issue which seems to be titled “Things [of?] Darkness,” he is suddenly reminded of something written by his “favorite pulp writer of all time, Brad Rayberry.” He picks up a volume of November County and Other stories by the same author, looking very concerned.

Immediately, he runs over to the publishing house to yell at his publisher about being a plagiarist.   Jughead always does this in every universe - oh I’m suddenly sad I won’t be able to say this anymore after this season! Sob! - when he has a suspicion:   He goes straight to the suspected perpetrator of whatever the crime or misdeed is and confronts then forthwith, but without any sort of plan as to what he’ll do if they deny it, which they invariably do, or how he will cope with the consequences of launching such a frontal attack.  Betty and Archie are physically reckless, but Jughead is existentially reckless.

His publisher says that plagiarism is a word they don’t use at the publishing house (which is such a great side step. Did Mr. Publisher have a former career as a lawyer?) Then he makes up a story about how he tried to reach out to the proper author but then conveniently presumed said author was dead based on the lack of response.  Which doesn’t justify plagiarism but he seems to think it does.

We are with Archie as he, along with me, tries to endure the unwelcome imposition that Uncle Frank is in his house.  I’ve always despised Uncle Frank, and honestly, them showing me that he would have been even worse in the 1950s does not make me hate any iteration of him less by one iota. Archie is trying to fix his car, but Frank says he is “concerned.”  He lays out all of Archie’s flaws, which are that he is a middling student, lying, not pulling his weight around the house, and the “business with the Blossom girl.”

Sir? Sir!  I object.  The lying & business with the Blossom girl was the exact opposite of a concerning lie, is it not?  It turns out both are still technically virgins, which is what you all probably care most about, and he did it to save her and he went along with you all trying to force him to get married at 17!  Anyway, Frank is a right piece of shit, because he pokes at Archie’s grief with “How do you think your dad would feel?”

Well sir, Archie may not know this but since I watched all previous seasons of Riverdale with close attention several times over, I know exactly how Fred would feel, and he indeed would feel proud of Archie. That was kind of Fred’s problem - even when he was annoyed at Archie, he was never less than proud.  

Apparently, Frank was present when Fred took his leave of Archie to go “off to war” because he knows what the instructions were - “Take care of Mom and be the man of the house.” 

I would have been much happier if Frank had died in the Korean War, and I’m sure Archie agrees.  I’m also pretty sure that Fred DID NOT MEAN to burden his actual child with this sort of thing. He was trying to give his child something else to focus on rather than worry daily about his father 8,000 miles away.  Frank as far as I can tell has no family of his own, so again, this business of childless men lecturing about or at other people’s children?  Bah humbug, honestly. Maybe this is my being raised intensely Catholic while female, but honestly, this type of man should simply never ever say anything at all about children, child bearing, reproduction and so on. 

So Archie, looking like he has a gun pointed to the back of his head (which is Frank staring into it like a psycho) apologizes to his mother about not being a ‘better son.’ I’m also back to very much disliking Mary Andrews. She is a bad mom. Why would you farm out actually raising your kid to FRANK of all people?  Ugh.   WHAT KIND OF MOTHER HAVE YOU BEEN MARY ANDREWS?  Have you thought about that?? She’s been weak as shit against people like the Blossoms, arbitrary & unpredictable in her rule enforcement and generally a shitty parent. 

Next door, Betty is sadly getting ready for school.  I want to look inside Betty’s closet this season. She alway has a perfectly color coordinated belt or scarf (sometimes the same color, sometimes a wonderful contrast color) to go with her outfit.  She looks across the way and is completely verklempt at the view of Archie’s moist abs, fresh from the shower.  The music can’t possibly be 1950s- there’s synths and stuff.  The song says “I feel so…. GOOOD.’  I can’t relate, but her vision is so good that she is capable of focusing on his happy trail from a whole house away.   If only we all looked as pretty as she does (I LOVE the Grace kelly type hairdo she has happening) while agog with lust. 

At school, in the locker room, the girls are putting on their gym outfits.  What sort of sports can you play  in outfits like these, by the way?  Stiff yellow button down shirts with puffy sleeves tucked into high waisted bermuda shorts that barely cover your butt cheeks?  These shorts are even belted tight at the waist.  

In the sweetest, most kittenish way possible, Betty asks Veronica, “What’s sex like?”

…. I mean. OK. Lemme breathe. Because that was so like, the perfect delivery for a very by-the-books porno, no?  Gorgeous blonde horny girl goes “What’s sex like?” while leaning forward, blinking winsomely with huge eyes.  And she’s not even aware of the effect she has.  What is GOING ON.

So Veronica is understandably shocked (hc: turned on and not out to herself) (Why is TONI not picking up on these vibes to invite Veronica for a cuppa at the Dark Room already?  Is this because they are both tops??)  but only gently says that it’s a bit early in the morning for this sort of talk (“I’ve barely just had my morning java!”).  What happens next is a huge part of why I adore Veronica Lodge above all girls but especially Betty (who, even if not this season, is for plot reasons not all that big on truth telling):  She meets truth and candor with truth and candor.  When Betty says she doesn’t know what sex is like and would like to hear, which is a pretty brave thing to ask someone, Veronica responds with the same attitude to confess that she herself is still a virgin.   Betty has the absolute perfect come-back:  I just assumed because you’re just so sexy!   Betty really knows how to talk to a girl!  

I suppose the idea is that the 1950s were a super repressed time in America (which I don’t think it actually was in actuality but OK) such that even the sensual Veronica Lodge is - gasp! - still a virgin  but actually since this is reflective of my own high school experience I found it very comforting to have it represented on the screen.   “You don’t have to have sex to be sexy,” is what Veronica says. 

Betty would like advice on how to carry herself more like Veronica.   Veronica suggests perfume and heels, then brings out the idea of sexy lingerie.  “Soft fabric against my skin” is what she says as some horny trumpeteer goes “Wah wah Waaaaah” in the background.  OK so I guess I’ve tried out the wrong kinds of lingerie because that shit was itchy as fuck.   Veronica walks her fingers flirtatiously up Betty’s arm as she says, “Say, why don’t you give lingerie a twirl?”  Betty looks very turned on, first just by the purring way Veronica is talking about being sexy, second about the idea of Veronica in lingerie that makes her already perfect body “look fantastic” and about doing something sexual with Veronica. I mean possibly also I guess she is excited about having a guide to learn about lingerie but that’s like below tertiary.   Betty is going to go over to Veronica’s later to try on her used underwear (which I find a strange idea but ok).

At the student lounge, Cheryl approaches Toni to give her the lesbian pulp novel back. Cheryl insists on calling her “Antoinette.”   I am insane for all these fabulous belts these girls are all wearing this season.  I love the gloss on the red patent leather one that Cheryl is sporting.   When asked what she thinks about the lesbian pulp classic (the real world version of which was one of the rare ones where neither woman died for being gay at the end), she responds to the cover art using very distant artsy language as in, Cheryl finds “two voluptuous, feminine forms in close proximity to each other” quite pleasant.   Toni pulls out her go-to pick up line for Riverdale girls:  She asks the girl to go to the Dark Room for a coffee.   See, I knew Toni was trying to put the moves on Betty when she was consoling her after the dumping of Kevin!  

Cheryl refuses - “Oh I couldn’t *possibly!” - and that’s because she’s too busy “relaunching the Vixens.”  She needles Toni about finding cheerleading “far too square,” essentially daring her to try out for the squad.

The hostage situation with Archie and Uncle Fucking Frank continues, this time at the Principal’s office.  Uncle Fucking Frank is still standing executioner distance behind Archie.  Archie  is trying to do everything with his face to signal that he is not ok, please help, while saying what his abductor wants him to say: “I wanna be at least a B student.”  His principal is too dim to catch these hints, and anyway he’s probably turned on by the weird dominance thing that he’s witnessing right this minute.  It turns out Uncle Fucking Frank is in cahoots with this asshole, the principal, enough to have private conversations with him!

At the tryouts for the cheerleading squad, Cheryl is holding court.  Evelyn Evernever is there! She’s already a cheerleader.  Welcome back Evelyn! I hope you’re unhinged and evil in this world too!

Toni bursts in like Aragorn, pushing the double doors wide open.  The song playing in the soundtrack (probably in Cheryl’s head) states: It’s Too Darn Hot as Toni smugly makes her slo-mo entrance looking, actually, Too Darn Hot.   Cheryl is so happy to see Toni, and is extra happy because she put on her blazing red lipstick just in case Toni showed up (she had more of a nude lip earlier in the day for their initial encounter).  She’s also forbidden Evenlyn from wearing her reddish hair down, lol.  Evelyn condescendingly tells Toni that she’s not “on the list” so she can’t try out, but Cheryl overrules her (because it’s never a cheerocracy!).   

The two lesbians smile adoring at each other.  Something about just breathing the air with Toni on her home ground (as a cheerleader) makes Cheryl glow like a Renaissance angel.  Toni actually has a routine prepared, and we go to it.   Cheryl watches all of Toni’s tryout routine in a totally horny haze, slowing it down in her mind as she almost drools.  The song is also egging her on - something something “Refill the cup with my baby tonight” and “I’d like to sup with my baby tonight” etc  which are all statements about cunnilingus.  The room gets all dark for her.   She doesn’t have the orgasm (of the mind) that she did the first time she watched Toni do a dance routine, but it’s close.  Cheryl says this whole performance “razzed her berries.”  This means looking at Toni made her nips tingle.   Then she adds that “I haven’t seen pompom technique like that in years” which means she can tell Toni is (like all dykes) great with her hands. 

Evelyn is making a very sour face behind her. Somehow Cheryl knows this, so she says since she “alone” speaks for the Vixens, she immediately offers Toni a spot on the team.  Evelyn tries to make a case for procedural fairness only to get screamed at.  The other girls all welcome Toni to the team.

At the dinner table, Uncle Fucking Frank makes a terrible announcement.  “It looks like I’m going to be sticking around for a while.”  Oh no. OH NO.  Why?  Because Principal Featherhead asked him “to be the basketball team’s head coach.”  I’m horrified.  Also Frank is short and stocky.  I know zip about sports but isn’t basketball for tall lean people? 

So Uncle Fucking Frank has no family - not even a lady - and no kids and he just moved into his brother’s widow’s house to bully his nephew, and because all this is not enough, he begged his way into getting a job at this nephew’s school.  “Asked me” my ass  What the fuck is his fixation on Archie?  

Archie understandably says he doesn’t want to play basketball while Frank is gonna be coach.  Not playing is not a way out  of the Uncle Fucking Frank close contact - if Archie won’t play, then he can be waterboy.  What is happening? I hate Mary so much.  See, I knew, I KNEW that my being OK with Mary Andrews was not going to last.  Why the fuck did she even have this child? Ugh. 

At Veronica’s, Betty is feeling shy about showing how she looks in Veronica’s underwear, though she wasn’t shy about wearing Veronica’s underwear to begin with.  Did they go shopping? Is this NEW underwear?  Be that as it may, Veronica looks very eager on the bed, quaffing mimosas, and eating chocolates.  When Betty finally emerges, Veronica’s eyes light up.  “I knew it would look perfect on you!”   The problem is, Betty feels embarrassed, which Veronica doesn’t understand.  Looking like Bettie Page exactly, Veronica says, “Bettie Page herself would go ape for you.” Bettie Page’s personal orientation was not, uh, lesbian so that is a weird thing to say, Veronica.  Just say you want to fuck Betty.    Even though Betty looks close to tears, Veronica wants to keep looking at her, so makes her come in front of the mirror so she can keep looking at her under the guise of giving her some sort of sexual koan:  “I am a gorgeous, powerful, sexy siren, at the height of my womanly powers.”  I mean, this is very sweet, but I did have a flashback to Hannah Gadsby going - *I* am in my prime!! *I* am in my prime!! - meaning her 40-something self. The koan does work on Betty though, who is actually persuaded by the end.

Jughead has straight up gone to see the author Rayberry.  He introduces himself as a writer at Pep Comics, then bluntly says “they’re ripping you off.”  Rayberry wants to know why Jughead wants him to sue his own employer.  Jughead is full on fangirling - “I think you’re the tops.”  Even though Rayberry just wants to get rid of him, Jughead won’t take no for an answer, and even though the author looks slovenly while he keeps slamming the door in his face, he doesn’t give up. 

Evelyn has given Cheryl a visit, to say that she is “uncomfortable” with Toni being on the squad not because she’s black (sure?) but because she’s “a lezzie.”  I mean, it’s probably a bit of both right?  Cheryl shuts down both objections - Riverdale has been fully integrated, and Toni Topaz is not… that, so Evelyn needs to “put an egg in your shoe and beat it.”  That is the weirdest way to say that I’ve ever heard. I kinda like it.   Cheryl wants to watch her show which is Oh Mija!

At the Dark Room, Toni is taunted for becoming a “paper shaker” by the Lezzie Lizzo, who is sporting a beret with a studded Serpents jacket.   Lizzo mocks her for “still birddogging that redheaded closet case.”   Toni tries to cover it up with some sort of sanctimonious bullshit - she is now the first ever black cheerleader at Riverdale.  I’m with Lizzo - I don’t believe her one bit.  “Oh so it’s *political* for you! [Much scoffing, then completely insincerely]  Yeah  I got it.  That makes sense.”   But Lizzo says she understands Toni Topaz for knuckling under the white patriarchy’s demeaning demands for women in the interests of getting access to Cheryl’s pussy. She says it nicer than me AND she acknowledges that Cheryl is very hot.  “That’s one cherry lollipop I’d happily lick.”

I knew Lizzo was a good egg the first time I saw her. Why o why won’t Toni give her a chance? And what does Lizzo do all day? How old is she?  Is she a high school drop out??  Can I have more Lizzo and much less Evelyn??? 

The next morning, Archie discovers that Uncle Fucking Frank has confiscated his car, to be returned to him when his “grades are where they should be.”   This is because Uncle Fucking Frank is obsessed with Archie, leading to his wanting to spend every possible moment with him, including the ride to school.  

Veronica is super excited to approach Betty the same morning to ask her exactly what kind of underwear she is wearing.  This is extremely heterosexual behavior among women, right?  Oh, and Veronica acknowledges that the ‘lingerie’ type underwear is neither silky nor comfortable (I mean granted, I haven’t ever tried the like, thousand-dollars a pop La Perla stuff so maybe those are??) - “How will ever get used to lace panties if you don’t wear them every day?” she chastises when it turns out Betty hasn’t put them on today for fear of being seen in them and being thought a “nymphomaniac.”

THIS FEAR IS SPECIFICALLY KEVIN FUCKING KELLER’S FAULT. I HATE YOU SO MUCH KEVIN.

Veronica thinks this whole “nympho” talk was invented by misogynist (gay) men to hurt women.  I agree.  She also diagnoses Betty with “needing a man.”  Usually, this sort of comment is not true about the woman about whom it is said, but Betty actually does need a man.  She is SO horny. 

Betty tells Veronica that she has her eye on Archie.   Veronica doesn’t like it, but she prioritizes Betty’s well being over her own, so rushes her to speak to Archie before Betty can “talk yourself out of it” by which Veronica means “myself.”  

Archie is bent over a book in the student lounge.  While Veronica listens from her hidden vantage point (with Betty’s awareness), Betty, her big bambi eyes brimming with adoration, asks Archie out on a movie date.  Archie actually tells her the truth - he’d love to, but he can’t because of Uncle Fucking Frank.  Veronica’s face falls when he says he’d love to, then brightens when he says he can’t.  Betty doesn’t believe Archie though, at all.  She thinks she’s being rejected.  

She cries about it on Veronica’s shoulder, who continues to say the right and decent thing - that what Archie said might be the truth.  Cheerful now that they have both been apparently rejected by Archie, Veronica suggests that they both find some airheads down at Stonewall Prep to play with.  Betty cheerfully agrees to this plan.

At basketball practice, Julian is being a piece of shit to Archie who is trying to appease Uncle Frank because his mother is blind to the abuse he’s being subjected to.   Why would you leave a child in the care of a childless middle aged uncle?    Mary Andrews makes me so mad.

Evelyn Evernever, looking very ginchy in the ginchiest outfit (I love the 50s cheerleader uniform - cream sweater, navy skirt), breaks into Toni’s locker, immediately finding the lesbian book.  She gets caught red-handed, but is brazen enough to try to confront Toni about her lesbianism.  Cheryl denied it, she tells her.  Toni threatens her with violence, then insists that Evelyn tell her exactly what Cheryl said.

At the comic publisher’s,  Jughead is getting to see his name in print.  He is so pleased - “It’s so boss, Boss!” - and being really adorable about it. (By the way, is this a throwback to the comics? Was Jughead in the comics just always off in his own world like this?).  With perfect timing, Rayberry, all dressed up in his confrontation suit, bursts in, demanding to know who Fieldstone is.  He launches into an angry speech about suing Pep Comics for plagiarism.  Jughead jumps in to mediate, and this middle aged man and old man let him do this.  The author and publisher shake hands on compensating Rayberry for the plagiarized stories.  For his troubles, Jughead gets to have a dinner date with his favorite pulp writer at his favorite diner.  Right off the bat, Rayberry even hints that he might ask for Jughead to be the one to adapt his stories going forward for the comics.  Jughead just gushes to the man about how he loves his stories in “all the different pulp magazines” then proceeds to list all of them: Weird Tales, Startling Stories, Fantastic Adventures.  He looks so happy - he can’t stop smiling. It’s so cute. 

Then Rayberry asks whether his father approves of these literary aspirations.  Across all universes, terrible Faifather FP is a fail, because the light immediately dims in Jughead’s face.  Rayberry causally says his own father didn’t approve of his “literary aspirations” but Jughead simply doesn’t know. And in addition to inflicting me with Uncle Fucking Frank again, Riverdale fails me additionally but not killing off FP.  Riverdale, girl, why?  So even in this universe created by his angelic girlfriend, Jughead is abandoned by his father yet again. Rayberry tells him to write about his trauma from paternal abandonment.  When Jughead asks if Rayberry would be willing to read his more literary attempt, Rayberry sighs and says “Oh, and we were having such a swell time.”  Jughead fully looks like he is going to break apart into sad, salty-tear soaked little pieces at this apparent rejection until Rayberry says he was joking, that of course he’d be happy to read Jughead’s efforts, and they laugh about it.  

OK so this is why Jughead is so disinterested in girls and Veronica and so on.  He is in too much pain from his father. He is in desperate need of a father figure, but Fred Andrews who served that function in the other universe is gone (and possibly didn’t even meet Jughead in this world, since he never met Cheryl either), other male authority figures are all non-starters (Dupont hates him, the principal hates him, Sheriff Keller is a moron, Clifford Blossom is evil, Uncle Fucking Frank is himself), and his publisher/editor who served this role for him in the other universe acts just as exploitative towards Jughead as FP does so he’s no appropriate either.  And Riverdale’s main narrative arc - the Jugular Vein, if you will - is that Jughead Jones Cannot Get What He Wants, so we should know by now that this business with Rayberry will never work out.

The song that plays in the transition to the next scene is “Lead Me Father.”  This show and its song choices!  We cut to Archie doing child labor for Uncle Fucking Frank in the gym.  he takes a break to handle a basketball.  I don’t know this song, but it says things like “Pick Me Up When I Stumble, So the World Won’t Know.”  I guess basketball is tied to his father’s death for Archie somehow, which is why he doesn’t want to play it anymore, especially not with Uncle Fucking Frank as the goddamn coach.  Also I don’t know whose daddy is like this but if your daddy is like this, let me just say, Wow you are lucky.  

This is intercut with Jughead trying to write about his father, as the lyrics gravely intone about “Give me the strength for a song.”  He picks up a photo of a man who is not the FP we know, sitting scowling on a bike.  The singer croons that he wants to help some “poor troubled weary worker along.”  Jughead’s face goes through complicated set of emotions - he misses his dad, he’s bitter about his abandonment, and above all, he’s very very sad.  Jughead Jones’s tears of heartbreak are always just under the surface, which is why he keeps not wanting to be here in his reality and (doubling down on my thesis) he resents it when people are emotionally secure enough to try to take a risk to make their lives even better (like, you know, get laid with a sexy person to share a good time).

The next morning, Uncle Fucking Frank unilaterally tells Archie that he now has a job at the Diner, pumping gas.  This seems like a really specifically american thing, to overload one’s kids - Archie, who is not bright and also not that interested in school and not given very good brains by his very stupid mother, is supposed to get his grades up but also perform slave labor for the basketball team and further perform child labor at the gas pump all at the same time.   This is not how that works.  (Listen to your bespectacled East Asian -I know what I”m talking about.)

Meanwhile, Jughead is showing off his Homeroom of Horrors Pep Comics issue, written by JUGHEAD JUGULAR JONES.  His friends want to celebrate with burgers.  Jughead tells them he has a meeting with Rayberry at his house.  He’s so happy.

Toni confronts Cheryl about telling Evelyn that Toni isn’t gay. She completely glosses over Cheryl saying they have a “big problem”  about MIDGE.  Toni says she’s not ashamed of who she is or who she likes and should not be considered someone to be rescued.  Cheryl backs down immediately, answering in a soft voice that she doesn’t know what Toni wants Cheryl to say.  Cheryl apologizes, so Toni says that she’s had enough of pursuing Cheryl.  And that turns out to be the key thing, because the prospect of losing Toni’s attention altogether is what makes Cheryl gin up the courage to say, out loud, using her voice, to another person that she is attracted to girls.

Atta girl Cheryl!

“And I think maybe I’m attracted to you!” Cheryl says, starting to cry.   Toni is merciless, and wants her to actually confess - that Cheryl KNOWS she is attracted to Toni. 

Jughead is at the Rayberry apartment, which looks really familiar to me.  Is it the Toni/Fangs Throuple Cursed Apartment with Fucking Kevin??   Or is it Jughead and Tabitha’s apartment?? (The windows are too different.)  Rayberry says he’s willing to read Jughead’s writing, then offers him tea, which Jughead accepts.  Jughead is a bad guest because opens a closed box and steals a manuscript with a working title that I don’t catch the reference to because I never do.  Jughead straight up steals the manuscript.   Plagiarism and manuscript theft are apparently big themes for Jughead (sometimes the manuscript is a computer file), but I am not clear on what the theme is supposed to say, yet... this was very ill judged of him.

Meanwhile, Cheryl and Toni are on their first date, kind of, during which Toni takes it upon herself to out both Kevin and Clay, even though she says Cheryl isn’t supposed to talk about it with other people. This does not seem like a very good beginning.  Cheryl in this universe has an aunt Carol, who moved to Greenwich Village to be a lesbian and a writer.  “A sapphic sexual deviant” according to Penelope.  Carol apparently gets to live loving women.  Toni is bisexual in this world too, but it was only a problem when she made  out with girls. Her grandmother is for some reason absolutely accepting of Toni being queer.  Cheryl says that her family will only accept her if she plays her role correctly.   She’s now ready for something else, so Toni holds her hand.  

Archie is working at night, and of course Julian oozes up to get his tank filled.  Inside the Diner, Bee and Vee are on a date with one dark haired and one light haired WASP boy each from the private school.  Betty is bored as fuck by her date.  Pop brings a thermos of coffee to Archie.  Archie says that Fred used to play basketball with him all the time, when Pops says Fred was a legendary basketball player.  Pops says Fred was a true American hero. Archie agrees, looking genuinely happy for the first time

Jughead has stayed up all night reading Rayberry’s “Jupiter Journals” manuscript that he stole when he was personally invited to that man's house AND imposed on him to read his vomit draft.  Jughead! Why are you like this!   For some reason, he is not in his skin tight Goofy long-johns.  Instead he is in the patented slutty Jughead Jones tank top over striped pajamas. Does this mean something?  Or is this the underwear and loungewear that Veronica got for him when she redid his traincar?   Jughead says the book is “like Flash Gordon if Fitzgerald had written it.”  I have no idea what Flash Gordon is.   Jughead in his inappropriate way, because he is so love-starved, immediately decides to confront Rayberry about shoving his light under a bushel or something, not cognizant of the fact that having stolen the manuscript is going to have bad consequences.

At school, Veronica wants to know what happened with the preppy that walked Betty home, which was a big nothing.  There was no spark because Betty wants to sleep with Archie and nobody else.   She says this means she’s doomed since he turned her down flat.  Veronica says Romeo & Juliet had “logistical problems but they figured it out.”

And for the first time in seven years, at the THIRD Romeo & Juliet mention (Jughead calling Betty Juliet, Toni calling Fangs and Midge Romeo & Juliet and now Veronica) someone finally says the correct thing: “Veronica, they both DIED.”

Bless Veronica though because she knows something about Romeo & Juliet, so she retorts: “Not until Act 5 and only after they lost their cherries.”

Is this foreshadowing? Is this how this sojourn to 1955 is going to end??

Veronica has an idea.  She says that Barchie should have long meaningful late night conversations to get close to Archie.

She also uses the word “gatekeeping.”  Earlier on she used the term “gaslighting” about the purpose of the word “nymphomaniac.”  Is the slow breaking down of the world of 1955 as created by Tabitha Tate?  Why is Veronica using 2020s lingo like this in her 50s universe? 

Betty said she’d love to, but she knows Archie doesn’t have a phone in his room.  Veronica is so smart - she immediately gets to the heart of the matter.  “You can look into ARchie’s bedroom window through yours?” she asks.  She wants to know immediately if Betty has seen Archie [dot dot dot] and I’m choosing to understand this as “naked” to which Betty says, sounding very much like she really needs a vibrator, “Yes. Many, MANY times!”  Veronica wants in on the peep show. 

Inside the school, Julian Blossom is really asking for it, calling Archie a grease monkey to complain about the car service, then calls him waterboy and to get him to fetch a soda.  Julian then takes the name of God, I mean Fred, in vain, saying he’s going to obliterate Fred’s record since Archie’s not going to be the one.  Archie pushes him, Julian pushes back, then Archie punches him right in the face. 

What was the casting requirement for Julian Blossom?  Have a punchable face?  Because he’s now been socked in the face by no less than Ethel, then Jughead, and now Archie.

It is Archie’s explosion into violence that makes Mary spring into action. I don’t have kids but this is bad parenting, right?  Like, she’s doing all the things wrong.  Mary only reacts meaningfully when Archie is violent, like today.  She finally womans up enough to tell Uncle Fucking Frank to back off, declares that since she is Archie’s mother, she will take the lead on this issue.

While that’s going on, violence of a different, distinctly more feminine character is happening among the cheerleaders. Cheryl has assigned being the flyer to Toni, which Evelyn very much resents because that was her role.  Cheryl comes very close to saying this is a Cheerocracy but  what she actually says is that if Evelyn doesn’t like it she can quit immediately.  Evelyn looks at the others for support, but none is to be had.  OK so we know from the earlier seasons what Evelyn is like, and she is shown to be openly homophobic here, but also given that Kevin got to do all that HE did and still got called BRAVE by Betty as sweet music played over the horrible scene, I think Evelyn deserved better.   So Evelyn capitulates as Toni smirks at Cheryl approvingly.

Finally, finally, Mary is asking Archie what is going on.  She wants to know if Archie is avoiding basketball because of Frank.  Archie says it’s not because of Frank, it’s because of Fred’s absence. There is an anvil in his heart whenever he plays basketball because he misses his father.  He’s also afraid of not being as good as Fred.  Mary says a truthful thing -that Fred would be proud of Archie.  She’s also going to make Frank ease up on him.  We’ll see about that.

Jughead has gone charging ahead to go to Rayberry, to tell him outright that he stole a manuscript from him and then read it.  Jughead thinks that his telling an already published and well known author that he has “got to get [something] published” is somehow going to get him forgiveness for the breach of trust. When Rayberry tries to get his bearings, Jughead smiles as he says that it was “only for a night.”  Rayberry gets angry, and kicks Jughead out.  Jughead's heart breaks right there, but he did it to himself. He wanted to speed run to intimacy with this potential father figure (who also confessed to having a difficult relationship with his own parent) but made a colossal mistake by being too hungry & desperate. Rayberry also breaks his own coffee cup by throwing it, which makes Jughead go running, which probably means he grew up in a violent home.

In  the girls’ locker room, Choni get their first kiss.  Toni was turned on by Cheryl’s show of dominance, even though Cheryl is apparently sexually a total bottom.

And finally, Veronica and Betty are blatantly peeping at Archie undressing. Veronica starts narrating in the most cheesy way: “Stand back Ringling Brothers because THIS is the greatest show on earth!”

OK so I agree that Archie’s abs are pretty fantastic but why does this keep happening to him? In place of Kevin now here’s Veronica egging Betty on to do this voyeurism.  Veronica even wants binoculars.   Archie sees them though before Veronica can get a gander at his junk. Both girls collapse to the floor.  Veronica finds the whole situation pretty funny, but Betty is so embarrassed, saying the two of them are being Peeping Patties.  Also?  Betty understands a lot of Veronica’s film references, though I suppose Rear Window is very much a mainstream blockbuster.

The next morning, Betty tells Veronica she couldn’t sleep a wink.  Veronica was also embarrassed but like many perpetrators of sexual wrong acts she has come around to thinking that Archie was asking for it with his strutting while having abs.  She also hopes Archie will be too embarrassed to confront them.  

She is utterly wrong about this, because Archie has come directly to them.  He doesn’t seem mad however.  Archie wants to talk to ONLY Betty.  Veronica makes like a MILF, tells Archie to “keep up the good work” before walking away.  Archie says he saw B and V peeping on him.  Betty does here what Betty always does and she lies, until Archie assures her that he isn’t mad, and actually wants to do a mutual peep show.  

This next part is very very cute though.  The lust makes the two of them completely braindead so they assure each other that they will both be in their own bedrooms at midnight (so they can do this mutual peep show).  Archie is so really, truly, very excited, and Betty is BEYOND excited. 

Suddenly, Archie wants to play basketball.  Apparently 50s Jughead is not wrong about this part - Archie is entirely fueled by sex.  Because he has sex related prospects tonight, suddenly he is “here to play.”  He also stands up to Frank, telling him how irrelevant he is -”I’m not doing this for you.”  Frank seems to think that his ‘tough love’ worked.  I wish I could punch him in the nuts.

A teacher has ratted out Jughead’s author status to Werther (Dupont!). Why are these people at work so very, very late??

Betty and Archie are so ready to do their long distance strip tease/ peep show.  Belts, then shirts  (and Betty has on the sexy lingerie underneath!), then come Archie’s abs!   Betty starts to remove her skirt (though with her unbuttoned blouse still on. And now they are down to just their underwear!

OH NO. RECORD SCRATCH.

I am cockblocked by BOTH  Uncle Fucking Frank AND  Hal Cooper! Oh Riverdale, that was really cruel. “What in the hell is going on here??” indeed! You title the episode Peep Show and then do THIS?

[filthforfriends]

I‘m not bashing your post. Neither am I completely disagreeing with you on the fact that something has changed. But I wanted to share my PERSONAL view of Damiano and his lifestyle/health. I love you and your blog so please don’t take this as me being an asshole I just wanted to chat to you about this. (Also high five bestie my dad and all men in my family are alcoholics and some are drug addist and everyone smokes!)

Damiano has for sure lost weight. I‘m sure it’s nit from drugs. He has said multiple that he doesn’t eat for a couple hors before concerts or performances in order to not throw up due to the exertion. And that he can’t eat after concerts because of the adrenaline and he feels like his stomach quote “closes“. When you are on tour and are performing most days of the weeks that means you skip at least one meal each day and with his schedule I‘m not surprised he’s lost weight. And that sucks. He needs a better and easier schedule and REST.

He also has changed with the new haircut. He looks very different. And another point is the makeup. Since our lord and saviour Chantal went on maternity leave Damiano‘s makeup has absolutely terrfied me. Their new makeup artist does his eyes very badly. He puts weird brow/red around his eyes and it makes him look half dead or high or seriously ill. It’s very strange because everyone else’s s looks are great and pretty similar to how Chanty used to do it but Dami’s looks are fucking weird. I hate it and it makes him look unwell.

Also I remember last year when they were in LA writing the album he posted a picture in Jeans and a Blauer that were very big on him and he rolled up the jeans and Giorgia commented something along the lines of “what’s up with the oversized clothes“ and he wrote “I lost weight their all too big now“. I believe he has great people around him and I also believe he is self aware. We know he used to be an athlete and is a very disceplined person. I think he is very tired and he has lost weight that is a fact. I also think the picture with nebuliser was meant as a weird artsy picture. He is resting it on a guitar stand because his voice is his instrument yk. That’s what I got from the picture. In their vlogs from 2018 you can see that he has always used nebulisers before shows. (Many artists do to keep the vocal cords and that whole area moisturised.) We also know that Damiano DELIVERS during concerts. When you are seriously unhealthy or extremely tired one of the first things to go is usually your voice and he hasn’t had any bug problems so far with his voice this tour. I thinks he is trying to take care of himself the best he can. (I know he should quit smoking though)

Also did you see all the skincare he travels with? That boy is a little granpa wellness king. I think he is ok. This European tour seems better as there time in between the cities for them to go home. Also Gio can be with him more and I think that helps him. He is also very close with hais parents as he said in multiple interviews and I‘m sure his Italian mom is raising all the concerns.

I do still agree he needs more rest always. And mayve I‘m totally wrong about all this. I just want to hear what you think ☺️

Love you Eden 🥰

I wanna be this emoji: 🥸

I’m not worried about Damiano’s weight and don’t think I ever have been. This anon that I responded to was, but no where do I agree with them.

Th first time I showed my mother a picture of Damiano she said “he has a face like a hatchet.” His face is very lean and angular, which happens when people are underweight but it’s just Damiano’s bone structure. He’s always looked that way. He’s also always worn brown or black under his eyes. I think if he’s started looking unwell recently it’s because he is.

Yes, not having hair to balance it out does bring more attention to his sharp cheekbones and jaw line. Regardless, his face is gaunt: dark around his eyes, no color in his cheeks. Undernourished, as in lacking whatever he needs to feel properly fueled for the day both emotionally and physically. (not as in body weight). Compare his eyes now vs. then. He can barely keep them open (like he’s exhausted, sickly, or dehydrated.) To be honest, he looks old and so does his skin. He’s aged a decade since his grandfather’s passing. (Which isn’t an insult superficial anons, it’s a concern)

Anyway he’s some pictures of him making this same exact expression in the past year for comparison. Thank you for being so decent and reasonable♥️ kindness is never wasted♥️ I hope Damia’s health is prioritized by the people with whom he’s signed contracts. I hope they see that people really care and will advocate for him.

[brightgnosis]

Got pretty much everything I needed to done before noon today.

Doctor's appointment went great. She was really happy to hear that the Meloxicam we put me on a couple months ago has pretty much knocked out my joint pain. So we're going to keep me on that. Aside from that, my labs came back fairly clean.

I do have some semi-self correcting Anemia, so she went ahead and put me on a prescription Iron supplement for when I'm menstruating, just to make sure it doesn't fall too low during those points. Especially since the Iron that I need isn't easily found around here OTC. And she read a study that showed that people with Fibro do better with higher Vitamin D, so since I'm usually deficient in D and have an issue remembering to take my D supplements, she prescribed once weekly D2 for 3 weeks to build up my D storage, and daily D3; we're going to see if having it in a script bottle helps me remember to actually take it, vs trying to remember to take them on top of my usual meds.

Other than that, everything looks great.

Got the original dress I ordered shipped off for return today- and the new one in the correct size surprised me by arriving right afterwards this afternoon (a day early). It still pulls a bit at the buttons in the front, so I'll still have to wear a bit of a compressive bra to stop that. But that's honestly just an issue with button front dresses (and shirts) in general when you're endowed. And I can tell that if I go up one more size just to accommodate my breasts even more, the rest of the dress is no longer going to fit me. So I just have to live with it.

Either way, it's still much more comfortable and I actually fit in it this time. I am really disappointed in the other one I bought, however.

I'd ordered a second, white, dress alongside it because it's traditional to wear white on certain holidays- and it was fairly cheap, being on sale ... But I'm just ... Not loving it on me at all? It shows my weight in a way that makes me look very dumpy and I hate it. I tried taking in the shoulder seams to see if that'd help the issue since the shoulders were too big anyways, and honestly it just made it worse somehow? So I think I'm going to pick out the alterations and return it; I just won't wear white this holiday cycle.

I forgot how badly clothes shopping gives me major Dysphoria in general 😔 This whole situation with both dresses has literally been the worst for my relationship with my body again ... And to think it was finally getting better now that I was stable, and I've been excited to be gaining weight again finally after struggling with my health for so many years.

On the upside, though, we were too tired to cook after errands. So we stopped and got Burger King for lunch today- and the weather was so nice, we decided to take it out to our favorite spot at the lake and eat instead of just going home like usual. So that was really lovely, getting to watch the water and feel the cool air ... We finally talked about the Farm a bit more while we were out there, too.

I want out of this damned house. And if we're going to take the farm as the way of making that happen, then we need to start working on it. Because it's going to be years worth of work to get it back into livable condition again; we can't just sit here on our rear ends every weekend playing Baldur's Gate together and being lazy. So I pushed, and we made our final decision on it: They want someone to take care of the farm, and we want out of here. So that's that.

As far as we're concerned, however, they're the ones responsible for the major financial repairs- especially putting the damned thing back on the foundation. Because it's not only in their name still and they're the ones that have the insurance on it, but they're also the ones that let it fall into that state to begin with. That should be on them in the end- not us ... But we'll help them fix it up and do what we can, as far as we can, so long as the understanding is that we do get it at the end. And I put my foot down, too, about us getting to make any design decisions that come up as well, because we'll be getting it; it's not going to be their house. We deserve to be the ones to make those choices as we go, if we'll be the ones taking it over.

So ... I guess we'll see how this actually goes- and whether or not it'll actually even happen. Because it seems like any time someone makes plans for the farm, they eventually wind up at the bottom of the pond somehow. So we'll just have to see.