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ginkgomoon · 3 years ago

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Shaw's Birth Chart- An Astrological Study

Late second birthday gift to Shaw. I haven't done any heavy analyses/studies in a while but I felt happy that I also completed some good solid Shaw content! Please enjoy. *Cries because it's finally done and before June is over.*

What is Astrology?

Astrology is the study of stars- the placements and movements of different celestial bodies to correlate what’s happening on Earth. It comes from the early Latin word astrologia.

There’s a rule that we live by-

As above so below

This means whatever happens within our solar system will ultimately affect us here on Earth. For example, the moon governs our emotions, and since our body is approximately 70% water, why wouldn’t the moon affect us too? But it’s not just us, it's the moon’s gravitational pull on the oceans, in the same sense, it’s also the moodiness you may feel during full moons!

There’s many aspects to Astrology, and that would normally be too much for a single post so I’ll be elaborating on the major contributions to one’s birth chart. This will include the planets and the signs.

There’s the inner planets, consisting of the Sun, Moon, Mercury, Mars and Venus, moving quickly within the chart. Then there’s the outer planets, Jupiter, Saturn, Neptune, Uranus and Pluto, the slower moving planets. And of course, the different signs of the zodiac with different personalities. They follow the order beginning with Aries, then Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius and finally Pisces.

Shaw's Placements

Sun ☉ The Sun represents our character, personal identity and ego. Your star sign is also known as your Sun sign. It is the “you”. The “Self”. It shows your creative force, confidence, focus and our will to live. It’s the driving force of our charts in many ways, like how it is centred in our solar system. It’s the part of us that is the “adult”, censoring the “inner child”, and overall provides information on our vitality, and what we came to do.

Shaw's Sun is in Gemini ♊︎ The air sign of Gemini is famous for their self-expression and communication. Geminis are witty, clever and flexible people. They can easily gain social contacts just as they can easily adapt in various situations and communicate through intellectual conversations. Geminis love to collect and share all sorts of information and are rather seen to be “geniuses”.

Although, they can be easily bored if they’re not getting enough mental stimulation. Geminis with their abilities to detach themselves make them excellent observers, but this can make them very difficult to be close to and be intimate with. People note them to be confusing and hard to understand, but this is because their mind is always active and switching from one topic to another (as they are represented by “the Twins”). Geminis enjoy seeing the “lighter” side of life, making them more fun and pleasing to be around. It’s guaranteed that there is never a dull moment when you’re with a Gemini!

Shaw holds a good representation as a Gemini. He always has a witty remark to say to MC, has a way with words, is shown by how he reacts to “fight or flight” situations, and stresses the usage of his favourite word, “bored”. Shaw, by having this placement of the Sun in Gemini also gives much strength to his Mercury (the planet of communication) which is also in Gemini (more on this later).

Shaw: “What do people usually do during dates?”

MC: “Uh, it’s usually eating, shopping and watching movies.”

Shaw: “That’s too boring, isn’t it? Since it’s a date with you, I’d like to get your feedback. What would you like to do?”

MC: “Nothing else.”

Shaw: “Then, what do you want to do?”

He thought for a couple of seconds and raised his eyebrows slowly, with a hint of glimmer of dark light in his eyes.

“You'll agree to anything that I do…?” -One Day Date

MC: “Why did you suddenly take an interest in reading?”

Shaw: “For the final exam.”

Despite his concentration, he flipped the pages with incredible speed- it seemed as if he didn't like what he read. -Summer Night Birthday Date

Shaw values all forms of communication and self-expression, whether it would be through music, writing, and teaching others about ancient relics. Additionally, it appears that he enjoys a range of hobbies, such as playing the bass, skateboarding and spray-painting, due to his interest in the wide variety of passions he developed. MC notices this on one of her earliest dates with him.

MC: “Hey, you seem to have a wide range of hobbies.” -One Day Date

Moon ☾ The Moon in our charts shows what your home is like, your upbringing, the relationship between your mother, the unconscious, your instincts and what you need. It tells us a lot about a person’s emotions, how they deal with it and how they express it to others.

Shaw's Moon is in Capricorn ♑︎ Productivity, work, and feeling useful and respected are the basic need for Lunar Caps. They like to keep their emotions in check, as they want to maintain being the cool-headed, practical and steady person of any group and in any project. Moon in Capricorn suggests that they have clear boundaries and realistic kinds of goals, looking for reassurance and security in what they do. They value and respect tradition and all things tangible and real. Moon Caps look forward to working towards their distant future goals, planning one step at a time. When feeling moody, their emotions will emphasise the pressure they had already put on themselves. Additionally, this is why letting their guard down to be comforted and to be reminded that they are not alone is very beneficial. Capricorns are unwilling to stand down, especially when it comes to emotionally “letting go”, hiding their sensitivity under a sarcastic manner. Wherever Capricorn is found in the chart, there is a desire for control, structure, and organisation. Emotions are well dealt with and handled in an efficient and practical manner.

There is a certain mysteriousness and sadness behind Shaw that can be subtly detected and yet to further explore deeply. This might have come from past trauma, possibly related to family relations. He has realistic expectations and justifications for his emotions, and when it comes to his goals, he will utilise these to help him slowly achieve them. Shaw is slowly letting his guard around MC, and gradually allowing him to love.

MC: “How can you draw so well?” I murmured quietly, envying his skills which require much talent.

Shaw: “Is it good? In a few months, it will fade into obscure and worthless trash."

He glanced at the wall with an undisguised contempt, as if it was not his own work that he was judging.

“It’s a failure.” He shook a spray can and started spraying it on the wall.

MC: “Wait! Why are you doing this?”

Shaw did not avert his eyes, and stood with his arms folded, refusing to give in.

Shaw: “But it's flawed now.” -One-Day Date

After a few seconds of silence, he frowned and put everything in his arms back on the table except for a can of coke. “Don’t act like you know me so well.” -Exciting Moments Date

Perhaps it was because I didn't believe that Shaw would appear so calm or so still, or because I wanted to explore why he looked so focused, I also looked at him in silence.

Shaw: “You really like to immerse yourself in your past.”

MC: “Find strength through the memories, then grow and become stronger.” I suddenly recalled a line from a TV series, and read it out.

A flicker of doubt flashed through his eyes, and eventually condensed into a dismissive look.

Shaw: “Who told you that we can only become stronger with memories?”

MC: “Why are you so dismissive?”

Speaking of which, what made Shaw so strong if it’s not finding strength from his “memory” or “past”?

Shaw: Why are you telling me this? Reminiscing every day means you’re getting old.”

Rain started to shower from the gloomy sky. I looked up, and found that the dark clouds were only above this small area of filming location. It was actually very sunny over at the antique market.

Fortunately, the rain was not heavy, and was even getting lighter as he predicted. He pulled at his hair, shaking off the scattering beads of rain. Such serenity did not match my impression of him, yet it was unexpectedly harmonious and natural.

MC: “Are you the rain god? Why does it always rain when I'm out with you?”

Shaw: “It’s because I can control the weather.”

At this point, the rain, which had stopped just a short while, suddenly fell again, but more densely. The smirk on his face was not gone yet. The rain seemed to be getting heavier. I felt more saddened as he spoke, yet Shaw just laughed. -Seeking Date

As a Capricorn Moon, his value and respect for tradition, and in all things tangible is very much obvious, and is highlighted with his display of knowledge about historic relics in Loveland’s museum shown in various dates, being the only student in the Department of Archeology of in Loveland University, as well in this scene from Season 2 that I couldn’t bear to leave out.

Mercury ☿ Mercury is the communication planet. When you write, speak, absorb information and how rational we are, you’re using your Mercury. It refines our Sun sign and helps define how we take in and give out information. It also talks about short distance travelling, governing your thirst for knowledge, your wit and negotiating skills. If someone is an excellent talker, it’s thanks to their Mercury placements.

Shaw's Mercury in Gemini ♊︎ Since Mercury is already ruled by Gemini, which makes it a favourable placement for quick-witted communication. Gemini Mercury placements may come across as being scattered and restless, but this is because of their different interests, seemingly knowing a little bit about everything. They easily gain knowledge where all sorts of facts and figures are up their alley, however generally have too many interests to deeply delve all into one. They can thrive in a stimulating environment as they are fast adapters who effortlessly learn and multitask at lightning speed.

This overlaps with Shaw’s Gemini Sun Placement. He may confuse MC sometimes with his personality and wit, but it’s nice to see MC adapt to it as well, because they have a lot to learn and grow from each other. He encourages MC to live life more boldly, while she teaches him to take things slower and be more aware of how his emotions and thoughts should work in harmony under special circumstances.

“He has no problem with the noise from rehearsals, and yet he can't stop criticising me for being noisy. He gets easily bored by things and yet he never gets tired on aimless strolls. Moreover, he always disagrees with me…” -Exciting Moment Date

MC: “Are you doing something illegal?”

Shaw: “What do you think?” Shaw looked at me playfully, and I could not help taking a step back vigilantly.

MC: “I'm a good law-abiding citizen and I won't be your accomplice!”

Shaw: “That's not up to you.”

MC: “Oh no! What should we do, what if we get caught!”

Shaw: “Nothing. Having a date at the police station should be a good experience.” -One-Day Date

Additionally, those reoccurring moments when he says that he had changed his mind also stems from the “twinning” aspect of Gemini in his thought process.

Shaw: “Give the cake and forks to me.”

MC: “Didn’t you say you didn’t want it?”

Shaw: “I changed my mind.” -Exciting Moments Date

Venus ♀︎ The planet Venus is ultimately the planet of love, beauty, wealth, our material things and what we do with all that sort of jazz. It’s the pleasures, our sentiments, what we do for leisure and what we value. Grace, charm, creativity, and entertainment are ruled by Venus. We can use this planet to see how we approach relationships of the heart, investigate our ability to attract and the attraction to others (or things).

Shaw's Venus is in Cancer ♋︎ These kinds of people are quite sensitive and insecure when it comes to love, with egos perhaps said to be a little bit undeveloped but have so much love, comfort, security, and care to offer. These aspects are emphasised for Cancers, who pay more attention to your feelings rather than said words. All they want is a safe, solid and secure relationship. They can be moody when it comes to love, though they are not afraid of emotional confrontations and to put their emotions on display when feeling it’s safe.

But once they are hurt, they will have a hard time forgiving. Pleasing them will involve a lot of sentimentality, as recognising their influences and attachments are from the family and home. When fearful of being rejected, they can resort to some frustrating tactics to find out how loved they are. Venus Cancers will want to be cared for, and in return their partner will be rewarded with a loving, dependable and patient lover.

Shaw puts up a front with his teasing and seemingly lack of interest to attend events with MC, though we can tell that he’s a very thoughtful and intuitive lover. Once he has allowed himself to internally address his feelings, he will use straightforward methods in how he communicates it to MC, again, strengthened by his Gemini placements. Additionally, Cancers will cling onto something or someone that is of value to them, because it evokes memories and emotions. In the same sense, if there is someone that Shaw has his eye on, he will inch closer to them, and will be unwilling to give them up once he has them.

I tried to reach out and pull him down while watching out for him, but he just took me by surprise and grabbed my hand instead. I quickly pressed down my skirt with the other hand. Probably realising something, his amber eyes widened slightly, then let go of me, with a low “tsk”. -Seeking Date

Shaw: “Why can’t you let that go?”

MC: Because I'm sick of you treating me like this. One time, you waited for me to get to the Live House to tell me that there was a change in venue, and there was also this one time when you- achoo!”

I pulled my jacket tighter around myself. Suddenly there was a rustle above my head and I found myself covered in a warm coat. Shaw stood up without a word as if he didn't hear me. Clad in a white shirt, he looked at once familiar and strange from behind.

Then I noticed his hand in the pocket. I was expecting him to conjure something for me like he did last time with the Dragonfly Eye. Before I could react, Shaw suddenly grabbed me by hand. With no gloves on, he tightly wrapped his slender fingers around my palm. I felt an unexpectedly soft and warm sensation.

MC: “Let go of me!”

Shaw: “No, I don’t want to.”

Shaw: “You've been asking questions about me all day. Do you really want to get to know me? Bring your ear closer. I can tell you all about myself.”

-Exciting Moments Date

His hand flew past my face and landed on the back of my head. With a slight jerk, he pulled me toward him. Our foreheads were then pressed together, and I felt the warmth of his forehead resting on mine, my breath on my skin, his unintentional touch, and his body pressed against mine. -Summer Night Birthday Date

“Do you like me? Yes or no?” -Unanswered Phone Call

Mars ♂︎ Mars is the go-getter planet. Full of fire and passion, nothing would be done without it. It can give insights on how we can chase our goals and what our desires and our plans of attack are. Aggressive behaviour, lust and anger fall under this planet.

Shaw's Mars is in Libra ♎︎ Mars Libras often reflect about the things they do before they act, needing to weigh out all the decisions first. They also can get easily caught up in defending themselves and others, as well as charming others to win others’ favour if needed. They wish to not be disturbed in their life or how they “operate”, going about with the desire to balance everything, with almost having a seemingly passive-aggressive approach to situations. Mars Libras know when to compromise and manage conflict, as well as predicting problems and discord well in advance. Libras will question themselves on how they can make the playing field more fair, intervening when necessary and when things aren’t. Shaw demonstrates this during his bus stop intervention when he first meets MC, on his dates with her, as well as his confrontation with Gavin.

“Don’t hesitate if you have already thought it through.”

MC: “What’s the matter?”

Shaw shrugged, lifted the corner of his lip, and looked at me, saying this firmly word by word.

Shaw: “Don’t forget that this is our punishment. Be a good loser.” -One-Day Date

“What are you laughing at? Stop it.” he reached out his hand, trying to mess up my hair. I quickly dodged backward and started laughing harder.

“Hey.”

A stunned look flashed Shaw’s eyes. Before he finished his sentence, I slipped and fell heavily backwards. He looked at me before a hint of schadenfreude appeared in his eyes. Then he said in a raised tone, “that's what you get for laughing too hard.”

He then sat down with me. I turned to him in confusion.

MC: “Why did you sit down when you’re supposed to help me up?”

Shaw: “Because I wanted to.” -Exciting Moments Date

Brutal gales whipped up gravel and rocked trees. A bolt of lightning split the sly, illuminating the two people locked in a standoff.

Gavin’s face was completely devoid of its former calm, and in its place was wrath. The man opposite Gavin squinted his eyes ever so slightly. He went wild with laughter, and an arrogant expression swept back over his face.

Shaw: “Well, we’re finally starting to get serious. It’s about time.”

Gavin: “I warned you! She’s off-limits.”

Shaw: “Are you threatening me?”

Gavin: “You aren’t worthy.”

The man lifted his eyebrow and slowed his speech purposefully.

Shaw: “Anyway, my objective has been reached. I don’t mind toying with you. But I don't know how long this girl you’re obsessed with has long to live...”

The two fought with increasing ferocity. The man was slowly losing ground. Then, the sky roared, and a white flame connected heaven and earth. The man was gone without a trace. -Chapter 11-24

Jupiter ♃ Jupiter is the largest planet, a gas giant, known to expand as the “benefactor” of our solar system. Everything it touches is basically blessed. It’s the good luck, confidence, joy, freedom and adventure that it gives to one’s being that it’s so well known for. Jupiter is where you seize your opportunities, take a leap of faith and count your blessings.

Shaw’s Jupiter is in Aquarius ♒︎ Shaw attracts the most good fortune when he’s tolerant and fair, cooperative and inventive, being different from society’s norms and standards. He values technology, people and personal freedom the most, desiring to display his unique skills and talents. He is open to new methods and eccentric ways to progress. We see this as he’s willing to share his knowledge with others, shown in the CN Creative Date and Summer Solstice Date, and when Shaw offers a hand to help MC by making her alias “Mary Sue” to help her successfully break into STF in later chapters. He also shows her the electricity firework he makes with his Evol, which fascinates MC enough for her to reach out and touch it.

I looked at Shaw's on the other side of the wall. The flaunting design was imposing, as if it was about to jump out at me the next second. Then I looked at my grinning rabbit, which seemed to be the clumsy work of a child.

In the gold and purple pattern, “SHAW” could be faintly recognised while a grinning rabbit stood at the top of the world. They actually seemed… quite in harmony? -One-Day Date

MC: “Is that the same MP4 player you had on the bus?”

Shaw: “Yes, someone gifted it to me a long time ago.” Emboldened by his straightforwardness, I couldn't help but move slower. -Exciting Moments Date

Floating on his palm was a sizzling firework giving off dazzling sparks. I was stunned by the sight. I couldn’t believe that Evol could do that. I reached out to touch it, but Shaw stopped me.

“Are you out of your mind? It’s charged with electricity.” -Summer Night Birthday Date

Saturn ♄ Saturn is the planet of karma, restrictions, life lessons, hard facts and the challenges in life. It governs structure, our fears, work and self-discipline. Saturn is cold and calculating, however once the challenges and lessons Saturn have been mastered, great wisdom with great rewards can be obtained.

Shaw's Saturn is in Aries ♈︎ Aries Saturns are highly resourceful coming up with fresh ideas for our goals. They don’t like showing weakness and need to be careful when limiting themselves due to fear of failure or making a poor decision. They’re very self- reliant because they rarely ask for help. They need to be shown that not “being first” is okay.

It’s proven that Shaw has a competitive side to him, seen in the CN Summer Solstice Date and his Rumours and Secrets, where Shaw refuses to give up and ends up doing dolphin flips on his skateboard in a match against a senior and wins after his first loss. In Accompanying Date, he acknowledges his embarrassing moments when he got caught skipping class, then reflects on them. We also see this as he flees his battle with Gavin when he almost loses.

Shaw: "I just remember winning. Don’t people at ten years old want to get swept away, win against everyone, and leave them far behind?" -CN Summer Solstice Date

Shaw: "The fence of the school was disagreed with by the elementary students. Back then, my skills weren’t refined yet. I got discovered by a teacher when I fell from it." While reminiscing, Shaw pouts unhappily. -CN Accompanying Date

The two fought with increasing ferocity. The man was slowly losing ground. Then, the sky roared, and a white flame connected heaven and earth. The man was gone without a trace. -Chapter 11-24

Uranus ♅ Wherever Uranus is in the chart, it’s where we want to break free, where we want to do things our own way, when you don’t care what everyone else is doing or thinking about. It’s where we express our ideals on freedom, innovation and experience great epiphanies. We strive for independence with the influence of the Uranus character. As a result, we learn to rebel, break traditions and authority. It shakes things up from our past and into the modern future. It is often associated with unpredictability, chaos and anarchy.

Shaw's Uranus is in Aquarius ♒︎ These people are interested in innovating, changing and updating traditions related to technology, community and individuality. They see freedom through or in these areas, and are ready to rebel if needed. Aquarius Uranus people are open to new ideas and free thought.

Shaw is no stranger to the concept of rebellion. He sneaks into places he shouldn’t be in, spray-paints graffiti, and helps MC access top-secret information in STF. His comments on history further outlines the unique outlook that he challenges with traditional views.

I looked around nervously, remembering that last time, we were chased by city police for street graffiti.

Shaw: “Don’t you want to come? Hurry up.”

MC: “Do you just do anything you like? Do you abide by no rules?” -One-Day Date

Shaw: “What do you think history is?” Student: Those historical relics you told us about just then!”

- Student: “If everything is history, how does one learn it?” Shaw: “There’s no need for an intention. It’s everywhere.” -CN Summer Solstice Date

Neptune ♆ Neptune is the inspirational planet of dreams, inspirations, soulmates, enlightenment and sacrifice. It’s all about connection with the universe and the world around you, however can have the polar effect of deception and illusion, along with disappearances of sorts. It can also govern your music tastes and influence on how you can inspire others.

Shaw’s Neptune is in Capricorn ♑︎ With this placement, his idealistic world will be based around realism, morality, and responsibility. He has to believe in the ground foundations of realisability of his dreams- enough so that it usually has a realistic thread about them. General optimism and faith will be lacking if he’s not doing something that he is passionate about and finds inspiration in. However, he has the capacity to change his practical dreams into reality the most. His influences and contributions come from his connection with Dark/MC, again with Mars in Libra, and is seen as a guide and spectator, though less passive than a Time Observer. It’s also clear that Shaw cares a lot for his music and his band. He even recognises a plagiarised song in one of his Rumours and Secrets.

“Playing with the band is just a hobby, so Shaw rarely creates something from scratch. He must have hidden things he wanted to say in his music, but never mentioned it to anyone.” -Summer Night birthday Date

Shaw: "No wonder these people didn’t realise it, they copied an unpopular song from the 80s. You should also improve your musical literacy so you wouldn’t be confused by these things." -CN Glacier Navigation Rumours and Secrets

My phone started buzzing in my outer coat pocket. I took it out and saw an unfamiliar number. A few moments of hesitation, I answered it. An unfamiliar voice came from the other end.

“Long time, no see. I’m sure you’re trying to guess who I am right now.” There was something in his voice that gave me a sense of déjà vu.

MC: “May I ask, what this is about?”

“I can’t just call you for no reason? Everyone has already forgotten you. You are officially someone who shouldn’t exist in this world.

MC: “Impossible! Just who are you, anyway?”

“Go see for yourself. For instance, at the place where it all started.” -Chapter 19-1

Outside the floor to ceiling window, a tall man with light purple hair was looking at me in the eye, an unmistakable smile on his lips. Who is this person? He waved at me and strove in the diner.

“Oh, here you are.” He greeted me with such familiarity, a few loose strands of hair fell over his forehead, softening his sharp eyes. His actions were swift and sure, giving me no time to interrupt. His face seemed so familiar but I can’t remember where I’ve seen it before.

MC: “Who are you?”

Hearing this, the young man’s brow raised, and the look of amusement flashed over his eyes.

“You don’t remember? You bumped my skateboard.”

MC: “Oh! We met on the bus. But how is it that you remember me?”

He didn’t answer me straight away. He just observed my expression with great interest, seemingly enjoying watching my reaction.

“I’m the one who called you. It’s me. The dream world has no effect on me.”

Pluto ♇ Pluto is the Lord of the Underworld, and is not to be messed around with. It’s responsible for great destructible transformations and corresponds to the life, death and rebirth cycle. It’s the detoxing planet, for you to awaken and be reborn. It shows us where we can change the world, alongside right where we can go into the abyss of the cunning and controlling energies of Pluto. Its powers can be ever so subtle, however it can have the forces to trash you with the realisations of what you need to let go in order to transform. Think of it as the “healing crisis” moments that you can thank Pluto for.

Shaw's Pluto is in Sagittarius ♐︎ They take beliefs and philosophy of life very seriously, more than most. They believe deeply in personal freedom and expression, questioning ideologies in place. They often watch for a tendency to move from one project to another, perhaps due to inhuman expectations. They are motivated and driven by the vision of a better world, therefore their faith in humanity is strong.

Shaw helps MC multiple times when she is in need, additionally supporting her beliefs and vision to save the world and everyone in it, like when she first entered the Winter World and helped her rescue the kidnapped children against her battle with Leto in the Chapter 34. He even gives her his necklace- the Dragonfly Eye in the end of Season 1 and wishes her well once they meet again.

Shaw: “Oh yeah, the other you is really funny. Today, she saved someone on the street. Did you use to do stuff like that too?”

Dark MC: “I’m not like her. I don’t do meaningless things like that. Stick to the plan.”

Shaw: “Oh? I’d thought you’d like this scene. What are you planning to do, anyway?”

Dark MC: “Why of course, I’m going to accept my place as QUEEN.” -Behind the Curtain Chapter 5

MC: “Shaw, what are you doing here? Where’s Leto?”

Another thunder flashes, Shaw’s face was reflected clearly and I saw him lift his eyebrow slightly.

Shaw: “You are so slow. Did you bring the notebook? Keep it and give it to me later.”

MC: “You haven’t answered why you are here.”

Shaw: “And I thought you were starting to get smarter. None of us can stay out of it now. If I don’t intervene, this world is finished.”

I would love to see more about Shaw’s background character and his upbringing as to why he had appeared a bit defensive in some dates. Poor Shaw :( Hopefully this study allowed you all to gain a deeper understanding of Shaw and his character, and to why he’s important in the main storyline and other events alike.

#happy birthday Shaw #brain is fried but let's continue making more content #mlqc #love and producer #mr love queens choice #恋与制作人 #mlqc analysis #mlqc en #mlqc cn #mlqc shaw #mlqc ling xiao #birth chart #astrology

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murdereraisuha · 4 years ago

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Classpecting TWST: Octavinelle

Time to assign Homestuck classpects to the fish mafia!

Spoilers for chapter 3 and some of the trio’s personal stories. No knowledge of Homestuck required to read.

[Image description: A banner containing a picture of Azul, the symbol for the space aspect, and the words “Azul Ashengrotto: Thief of Space”]

For Azul, I think it’s easier to narrow down what his class is first.

To get back at his childhood bullies, Azul developed his unique magic “It’s a Deal,” which lets him make contracts with others.

He uses clever loopholes and tricks to shift his contracts in his favor, letting him reap the magic and abilities of his victims.

However, despite his power and skills, he still has self-image issues.

In chapter 3, he overblots during a desperate magic stealing spree to make a more perfect him who isn’t a “stupid, clumsy octopus who can’t do anything by himself.”

What I get from this is that he steals from others, he worked hard to shape himself into a successful person, and he perceives fault in himself. Based on this, I think his class is either thief, the active theft class, or knight, the active exploitation class.

With that in mind, what exactly does he steal/exploit, and what do his insecurities relate to? Rather than concepts like luck, freedom, or the soul, Azul seems centered on concrete objects. In his childhood, he was tormented due to his physical appearance. In the present, he carefully controls his diet to maintain a slender physique. He also hoards things like coins and his contracts.

Based on these things as well as the creativity he exhibits in his elaborate schemes (exam notes, beans day, investigating Scarabia, etc.), I think that Azul’s aspect is space, the aspect of physical attributes, creation, and patience.

So, thief of space or knight of space? After research into both, I think that thief fits the best. First of all, though Azul has amazing abilities on his own, he relies a lot on maintaining a hoard of contracts. Rather than working with what he has, he constantly seeks out more: more power, more profits, more restaurant locations. Similarly to how Azul’s downfall in chapter 3 stemmed from trying to steal too much (Yuu’s house & the photo), the 2 thieves in Homestuck also get into trouble for being too overconfident. Finally, while a knight generally protects and shelters those around them, Azul isn’t afraid to do stuff such as wring Floyd out like a towel to use his eel slime for developing a beauty product. Therefore, Azul is most likely a thief of space.

[Image description: A banner containing a picture of Jade Leech, the symbol for the light aspect, and the words “Jade Leech: Rogue of Light”]

To figure out Jade’s aspect, let’s consider some facts about him.

His unique magic, “Shock the Heart,” forces a person who looks him in the eye to truthfully answer a question he asks them.

He dislikes predictable things, which is a reason why he loves his chaotic brother and enjoys growing unknown plants.

He prefers to stay in the shadows while Azul/Floyd takes the spotlight.

Based on these factors, Jade seems well suited to either the void aspect, the aspect of secrets, confusion, and irrelevance, or its opposite the light aspect, the aspect of truth, awareness, and importance. Now, how does he interact with his aspect?

Though Jade, Azul, and Floyd are equals, Jade still usually acts in a supportive role to them. For example, in his ceremony robes story, Jade gives the list of the new students’ private Magicam accounts to Azul for him to use instead of using the list himself. Therefore, I think that Jade probably has a passive class.

Jade does not have a deficit of light/void and he does not have a destructive relationship with light/void, ruling out page and bard. He doesn’t truly embody either aspect, ruling out heir, and he doesn’t seem to do much creating/healing of light/void, ruling out sylph. That narrows it down to seer of light, seer of void, rogue of void, and rogue of light.

Though I originally thought he was probably void and just kept the light option open just in case, Jade might actually be a rogue of light. A rogue, the passive theft class, invites theft of their aspect and through their aspect. Jade reveals knowledge (ex. contract violations & the Magicam accounts) and then leaves Azul and Floyd to do with it as they please. Also, Shock the Heart is activated using his eyes, and eyes are a symbol of the light aspect in Homestuck.

Furthermore, the rogues of Homestuck often have trouble coping with having their aspect, correlating with Jade being uncomfortable with having people’s attention on him. He also has problems with giving information/the truth about himself. For example, his exaggerated fake tears after Idia doubts his wish during the Wish Upon a Star event strengthens Idia’s belief that Jade's wish is insincere, even though Jade might have really wanted to use his wish for Azul and Floyd’s benefit. Though Jade is pretty different from the typical descriptions of rogues of light I have read, I think he probably is a rogue of light.

[Image description: A banner containing a picture of Floyd, the symbol for the blood aspect, and the words “Floyd Leech: Bard of Blood”]

For Floyd, I have an aspect already in mind.

Breath represents freedom and flexibility. From his general refusal to wear his uniform properly or take on responsibilities to specific events like trying to play dodgeball during basketball club, Floyd certainly exhibits freedom. His unique magic, “Bind the Heart,” references the concept of freedom/captivity in its name. By deflecting any magic aimed at him, it basically ensures his freedom from injury and other harmful effects like Riddle’s” Off with Your Head!”

Just so we’re not narrowing our focus too much though, I’d like to point out that the rage aspect is also a possibility. Rage represents negative emotions, defiance, and persistence. For Floyd, he rebels against conformity and also exhibits some stubbornness in his teasing of Riddle. Floyd’s aspect might also be the opposite of breath or rage, blood or hope, since each aspect and its opposite are just 2 sides of the same coin as we saw with Floyd’s brother.

Anyway, on to class. First off, thief and rogue are out since he doesn’t do much theft. He doesn’t hide behind any masks or act very pessimistic, so knight, page, and prince are out, and he doesn’t seem to struggle with knowledge of things, so mage and seer are out. Of the remaining classpect combos, I was thinking witch of rage, bard of rage, heir of breath, or maid of breath. However, as I just said, the aspects blood or hope might also apply. After looking into god tiers of those aspects, one stuck out at me: bard of blood.

Bard is the passive destruction class, which invites destruction of their aspect or through their aspect. Bards and princes, the active destruction class, are notable in how they exhibit traits of the opposite aspect since they destroy their own aspect in themselves. In Floyd’s case, his abundance of freedom & spontaneousness can also be seen as an absence of commitments & responsibilities.

However, a bard doesn’t destroy all traces of their aspect, which is how I can find evidence that Floyd’s aspect is actually blood rather than breath. In Homestuck, those of the breath aspect tend to be rather emotionally detached or passive. For example, John handles shocking revelations with ease and Tavros uses sleep to escape sadness. On the other hand, blood players tend to be emotionally explosive and assertive. Karkat and Kankri are well known for being rather... cranky. Now, for Floyd,

I don’t think an emotionally passive person would have a murder mode face like this. There’s also the fact that Floyd specifically hates shackles, while a breath player would probably take their freedom more for granted. Anyway, going to how being a bard would interact with Floyd’s aspect, as a bard his actions lead to destruction of bonds/responsibilities. However, a bard’s aspect is still a part of them/an inevitability even if they try to act like it isn’t.

Let’s take the one big example of anguish within Floyd that we have: his school uniform story. While Floyd is having a blast riling Riddle up and trying to bait him into a game of tag, Riddle remarks that Jade doesn’t bother with this sort of mischief and he’s completely different from Floyd even though they’re twins. This causes Floyd’s mood to take a 180 and he abruptly leaves. Even though Floyd does stuff like steal Jade’s clothes or shove work on him—things that might suggest Floyd doesn’t care about Jade—Floyd actually doesn’t want their bond with each other to break. This also holds true for Azul: though Floyd explicitly says in chapter 4 that he and Jade will leave Azul if he becomes boring, that seems like a half-truth: with Azul being the person he is, how likely is it that he would ever become boring?

Floyd is a genius, talented in everything from academic subjects to music to sports. However, as noted by some other characters, his mood swings and flippantness prevent him from being the even more terrifyingly powerful person he could become. His personal challenge may very well be to find a middle ground between running from and depending on his bonds/responsibilities. Therefore, based on Floyd’s values, attitude, and faults, I can say that he is very likely a bard of blood.

-- Final notes --

Firstly, If you actually read through all this and enjoyed it, I recommend checking out mia-pon289’s Octavinelle theories and Dahniwitchoflight’s classpect stuff since this post drew a lot of inspiration from those.

Secondly, I am going to flip my shit if Ace’s aspect turns out to be blood too once I get to analyzing Heartslabyul. Is basketball club just gonna become blood club?

Thirdly,

[Image description: A venn diagram with 2 circles. One circle is labeled “Animal with 8 legs” and contains “Vriska” in it. The other circle is labeled “Aquatic” and contains “Meenah”. The intersection between the circles contains “Azul”. The whole diagram is inside of a rectangle labeled “Thief”]

#twst #twisted wonderland #classpect #octavinelle #azul ashengrotto #jade leech #floyd leech #homestuck #twst analysis

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todo-ho-ki · 4 years ago

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In honor of me never writing a single fucking word for the stories I’m still actually working on, I wanted to do something, anything at all, and obviously right now I’m fixating on haikyu instead of BNHA so welcome to...

Chances I’d Fight the Haikyu Boys and the Likelihood I’d Win

KARASUNO

Daichi 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 0/10 he’s a master of being cool and respectful he wouldn’t give me a reason to square up

Chances I’d win- Manz could crush me with his thighs alone one kick and I’m in the afterlife BUT he wouldn’t fight a lady so 1/10

Suga 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 1/10 a bitch might consider for money or something but otherwise. HEEEELLLL NO

Chances I’d win: suga seems lovely but Manz is as unhinged as his jaw will be when he swallows my arm whole after I try to punch him 2/10

Asahi 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: -3/10 he’s a soft boy I’d never fight him but +2 bc I might give him a gentle arm punch if need be. Overall -1/10

Chances I’d win: he only LOOKS scary but he wouldn’t hurt a fly tbh he’s probably scared of flies and looking like an asshole for fighting back 9/10 -1 point because Manz got REACH and COULD take me out if he wanted

Noya 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 4/10 he can be a little shit sometimes I stg

Chances I’d win: -1/10 he could jump on me and bite my jugular out I ain’t fuckin w/him. +2 points bc he’s a simp so he probably WOULDNT...but he COULD. Overall 1/10

Tanaka 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 6/10 he do be antagonizing sometimes and I swear if he SAY SOME SHIT TO ME...

Chances I’d win: mans could probably ACTUALLY win a fight hes full of energy and he could probs give me a look and I’d get scared 3/10 bc I don’t think he’d fight me either he’s a GENTLEMAN OK

Kageyama🏐

Chances I’d fight him: -50/10 bitch is SCARY and I know he’ll throw hands I’ve seen it

Chances I’d win: kageyama DO NOT GIVE A FUCK he’s broody in general and have you SEEN HIS SERVES he could slap me into next week(I’d thank him OOP) -370/10

Hinata 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: -500/10 Hinata is best boy I’d never lay a hand on him

Chances I’d win: I’d say 10/10 but I’ve SEEN that look in his eyes I don’t wanna know what it means so 6/10

Tsukishima 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: Manz knows all the buttons to press he’s a salty MF 8/10 but not 10/10 cuz he looks hot sometimes

Chances I’d win: he’d probably say something that makes me cry and id get distracted and he’ll walk away 2/10 cuz I could take him if I could see past the tears

Yamaguchi 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: -60,000/10 yams is a ray of SUNSHINE I could NEVER

Chances I’d win: here’s where things get tricky. He’s friends with Tsuki so he’s def got the sass and shit I think he’d be the one to secretly be able to THROW DOWN 3/10

NEKOMA

Kuro 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: -530,000/10 I LOVE him sm I simp too hard I can’t ruin that pretty face and that smirk NO ABSOLUTELY NOT

Chances I’d win: Manz is like a tree he could hold me at bay w/one of those buff-ass arms or crush my head with his thighs and since id let him, -6/10. minus three points cuz he’d charm me out of fighting

Kenma 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 7/10 BAD BITCH GOT A ATTITUDE, NASTY

Chances I’d win: Kenma’s spicy and he WILL fight but I got too much strength on him so 9/10 I think he’d pull out some moves before giving up

Lev 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 4/10 sometimes he’s just...REALLY stupid and arrogant which makes my eye twitch but minus 4 points bc he’s a big softie

Chances I’d win: his arm alone is longer than my body even if he couldnt fight he could swing blindly and accidentally hit the part of my brain responsible for consciousness in a panic. Also 4/10

Yaku 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: absolutely not I love his sassy attitude he be talkin shit sometimes 0/10 plus three points bc sometimes hed aim his tude at me and I STG

Chances I’d win: Manz is small but ready to pounce he’d jump on my back like a spider monkey and punch my skull till it caves in RIP me. 4/10 plus 2 points bc hed take it out on Lev instead

Fukunaga 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 0/10 Manz never did nothin to nobody

Chances I’d win: he’d probably say something so funny I’d die from lack of oxygen w/o ever getting a hit in 3/10 if I can breathe I can get his ass

SEIJOH

Oikawa 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: depends on the day but a solid 6/10 he’s a little bitch sometimes but we love to see it. I also don’t wanna be messin up that pretty ass face

Chances I’d win: if he REALLY wanted to he could serve me into a different reality but he wouldn’t fight unless he ABSOLUTELY had to so I could get his ass too. Pre time skip: 19/10. Minus 63 points because I KNOW 27 year old oikawa would WRECK MY SHIT and I’d say please sir may I have some more

Iwaizumi 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: yo, you out to DAMN MIND??? -100,000/10

Chances I’d win: look. LOOK. Iwa Chan’s biceps are bigger than my head I mean NOTHING to him. I’m but a pebble to a god. He got a 6’7” attitude cuz he can swing like a 6’7” man. He could probably pull his dick out once and obliterate me with the seismic aftershock of it hitting the ground. -1235/10 minus six points bc ID LET HIM KILL ME

Yahaba 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: solid 7/10 KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS

Chances I’d win: see, you’d THINK this would be where I’d have the upper hand but Manz manhandled mad dog and lived. He’d slam me into a wall until my soul leaves my body right where I stand 3/10 bc he be simpin. Minus 3 points because I’d enjoy it

Mattsun 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: pre time skip:0/10

post time skip: -57/10 I ain’t putting my hands on a face that pretty

Chances I’d win: I’m doomed. He’d give me one look and I’d cave. Im walking out the broom closet limping but not bc of a fight. -41/10

Kiyotani 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: we’ll go with a solid -5/10 for...reasons

Chances I’d win: if I actually stood up to him he’d freeze in place but he could slap me into a different country if provoked 1/10

Kunimi 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 0/10 we love a man who’s emotionally detached plus he’s hot tf

Chances I’d win: Manz would give up halfway through if he even indulged in the first place. 6/10 minus three points bc I’d win by default after he walks away

INARIZAKI

Kita 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: he’s a good boy -3/10

Chances I’d win: respectable guy but I have no doubt he’d rock my shit I’m ascending to the astral plane 1/10

Osamu 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: uh-uh. 0/10

Chances I’d win: he’s the aggressive twin. One flying kick to the heart and it’s across the gym and I’m dead as FUCK. 2/10 minus 2 points bc PLEASE put your hands on me sir

Atsumu 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: a soft 4/10 he’s a BRAT buuuuuut I love him so fucking much I’d let it go

Chances I’d win: he’s all bark and no bite. Srry bby but you’re gettin FOLDED I love you though. 88/10. minus 370 points bc please spend the rest of your life with me I could never hurt you 🥺

Aran 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: -5/10 he’s so sweet why would you fight him

Chances I’d win: he’d serve a volleyball into the back of my head and I take +10 damage from how cool it looks. Can fit my face in one hand probably. -43/10 minus ten points because of how cool he’d look killing me instantly

Suna 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 2/10 he’s a little shit too he’d make someone record it

Chances I’d win: he’d try to fuck me instead. It would work. 1/10 bc I’d slap him afterward but like, sexily

FUKURODANI

Bokuto 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 3/10 emo mode GOTS TO GO

Chances I’d win: his ass would pull me into it’s orbit and he’d use the opportunity to crush me with his thighs. -6/10. Minus 4 points bc what a FUCKING way to go please kill me

Akaashi 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 1/10 he’s intimidating you kidding me NO

Chances I’d win: I could take him if he’s distracted by Bokuto. 6/10 if he is, 1/10 if he’s not

Konoha 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: -3/10 we love a sassy boy

Chances I’d win: I’m not maiming a face that pretty -28/10 I’d get lost in his eyes tf

SHIRATORIZAWA

Ushijima 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: none and a half I couldn’t even look at him. -.5/10

Chances I’d win: one smack would knock my organs out of my body. Big boy+big body=big death even if he misses the aftershock will stop my heart -67/10 minus four points bc RAIL ME

Tendou 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 14/10 SQUARE UP BITCH

Chances I’d win: WELCOME TO HELL. YOUVE MADE A MISTAKE 36/10

Shirabu 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 0/10 he’s too cool

Chances I’d win: he wouldn’t show. Too busy getting his hair cut. I win by default. 10/10 minus four points bc there would be no fight

Semi 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: I wouldn’t. 0/10. He’d give me the semi brow and I’d be down and out for the count. I’m not hitting a face that pretty.

Chances I’d win: 2/10. Minus three points bc he’d smash a guitar over my head, killing me instantly. Minus three more points bc I’d ask him to wear a leather jacket first

Goshiki 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: None. 0/10. His words and his bangs are as cool as ever.

Chances I’d win: he’d cry if I looked at him wrong. 86/10 but minus four points bc he’s baby

EXTRAS

Sakusa 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: surprisingly high. 7/10 bc a bitch got a attitude. Minus 8 points because he’s so fucking beautiful I don’t know if I could follow through

Chances I’d win: I’d just lick my hands before I started swinging and he’d leave. 8/10. Minus two points bc I think if he REALLY needed to square up he’d take me down in a fucking headlock until I pass out. Minus two more points because I’d ask him to squeeze harder.

Ukai jr. 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: that’s the wrong F word kids 😏. -34/10 besides I ain’t squaring up with a man that wears a headband like that

Chances I’d win: he probably could eat a bowl of nails for breakfast without any milk. -99/10. Minus 15 points bc I’d stop to ask him if he wants to finish this at my place

Hiragumi 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: why would you fight such a good, PRETTY boy? -5/10

Chances I’d win: he’d smile at me and I’d give up. -12/10

Takeda 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: I think he’d kill me honestly. Plus the boys would’ve never had a chance w/o him absolutely NOT -2/10

Chances I’d win: he’s hiding a demon from hell under that green jacket. -60/10

Terushima🏐

Chances I’d fight him: sheeeit I could try but his sexiness would leave me paralyzed. 1/10 if I look at enough pictures I could get past his fucking blonde undercut and tongue ring

Chances I’d win: he’d have my thighs around his head in 1.8 seconds. Will kill me with his tongue. -435/10

#haikyu!!#haikyuu boys #karasuno #Nekoma #Seijoh #FUKURODANI #Shiratorizawa

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mandelene · 5 years ago

Note

Can we have some of those dr Kirkland hcs? You write him so well he’s my fav !

Of course, and thank you so much! *opens brown paper bag and pulls out the headcanons*

Dr. Kirkland can run a hospital from his home. He’s always got a fully stocked cabinet of essential meds and supplies. When Francis complains about how it all takes up too much space, he insists they have to be prepared for any situation. The same goes for when the family is going on vacation -- he brings an entire duffel bag of bandages, band-aids, gauze, medical tape, a suture kit, sterile surgical scissors, topical and oral antibiotics, tweezers, anti-histamines, aspirin, NSAIDs, alcohol pads, hydrocortisone cream, some Dermoplast antibacterial spray, lidocaine patches -- you know, just the basics. Not to mention his stethoscope, otoscope, and sphygmomanometer go with him everywhere, too.

Super jaded. Thinks he has seen it all until he’s proven wrong. Hardly anything fazes him. Bodily fluids? No big deal. Infected wounds? Just another day.

Tries to act detached when dealing with patients but can’t help getting emotionally invested when he’s dealing with people who are genuinely suffering and in unfortunate circumstances. Contrary to the popular belief of his co-workers, he’s very empathetic and cares about people, otherwise, he would’ve gone into a different field. He’s just very guarded because he knows he can’t do his job well if he lets emotion cloud his judgment.

The kids constantly get their hands on some of the medical supplies lying around the house. Every tongue depressor, epi-pen trainer, saline flush syringe, disposable thermometer, and pulse oximeter becomes a toy.

In fact, Arthur has had to scold the twins several times for breaking his expensive medical tools. ‘We were just playing doctor!’ ‘That stethoscope costs nearly two hundred dollars, Alfred!’

They also like to dress up in his white coat and have more than once spilled juice on it.

He fusses over the kids’ health constantly. ‘Zip up your jacket, Matthew, you’re going to catch a cold!’ ‘What’s that red mark on your arm? Let me see it.’

Goes into total mother-hen-doctor-mode when someone in the family is sick/injured. Will stay up with them all night, set alarms for when they need to take their medication, and do everything he can to make them as comfortable as possible.

You could not pay him all of the money in the world to practice pediatrics.

His greatest fear? Having to come up with creative ways to get the kids to take their medicine.

His actual greatest fear? Losing his loved ones.

Always puts others before himself, even if he’s on the brink of collapse.

He’s terrible at taking care of himself because he minimizes everything that’s ever wrong with him. Pneumonia is ‘just a cold’ and a gaping laceration is ‘just a scratch.’ Worst patient ever. Bless the person who’s stuck taking care of him.

Handles most of the family’s ailments himself but doesn’t pretend to have all of the answers. Will find another doctor/specialist for them if he can’t fix something.

He’s outwardly very calm and reassuring during a medical emergency, even though he might be panicking on the inside.

Shares hospital drama and horror stories with the twins to keep them from doing things he doesn’t approve of. ‘Oh, yes, I’ve seen plenty of patients who were injured while playing football -- some of them suffered permanent brain damage.’ ‘Does that mean I can’t play football?’ ‘Do you want a concussion, Alfred?’

The twins are never able to successfully fake being sick. They always get caught.

But when they are sick, they want their father by their side 24/7. No illness ever seems as bad or scary when they know he’s nearby and constantly checking in on them. Cue the tears if he has to go to work and leaves them in the hands of Francis.

Judges all of the anti-vaxxer moms at the twins’ school and has lectured a few of them.

Makes the boys carry hand sanitizer to class

Is sleep-deprived a majority of the time.

#hetalia #aph england #aph face family #aph france #aph america #aph canada #dr. kirkland #headcanons

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sablelab · 6 years ago

Text

Covert Operations - Chapter 54

DISCLAIMER: This is a modern AU crossover story with Outlander and La Femme Nikita. LFN and its characters do not belong to me nor do those from Outlander.

SYNOPSIS: In the White Room, Madame Cheung is now in the hands of Madeline and defiantly awaits her fate.

*N.B. Some text alludes to violence in this chapter

THANK YOU to all the lovely people who are reading and liking my story. Much appreciated. As promised Chapter 54 is the first instalment in the White Room xox

Chapters 1 - 53 can be found at …https://sablelab.tumblr.com/covertoperations

CHAPTER 54 (V)

Madeline closed the White Room door behind her and stopped for a moment. A Mona Lisa smile enigmatically but fleetingly bowed her mouth as she softly began humming. The melodic sound echoed in the stark room bouncing off the walls a strategy she knew would unnerve the stoic figure of Madame Cheung who sat shackled in the centre of the room. Section One’s second-in-command, a specialist in psych analysis, interrogation and pain techniques enjoyed matching wits with the targets and eventually breaking them by any means necessary and now, this woman was her latest victim.

Within Section, Madeline was the primary person responsible for analysing and predicting the behaviour of the enemy and she didn’t flinch at using torture in this capacity. In contrast to Operations, she was calm and methodical; when she wanted to, she could be charming and gracious, but the warm façade could drop in an instant to reveal an arctic iciness. The White Room was her domain and Madeline knew she was going to enjoy this grilling of her latest victim. Her skills were unique and beyond belief but she always got what she sought … eventually and Madame Cheung would reveal what she wanted to know regardless of how long it took.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Known by Section operatives as the “ice queen” and the “high heels of death”, she was a cold-hearted bitch, as calculating and humourless as her partner Operations. She was also unemotional and ruthless. Her cold intelligence coupled with her brilliance as a shrewd strategist, could manipulate everybody without any feeling of remorse or hesitation. Madeline was an outstanding psychological puppet master whose mantra was to get the job done no matter what. The level of emotional and mental cruelty that she inflicted on terrorists boarded on sociopathic but extreme measures were often necessary in her job prescription. Information is what they required at Section One and Madeline merely carried out the Section mandate to its logical conclusion.

The woman however, was an enigma.

Emotionally, she was detached, analytical, and almost shockingly unsentimental. She would literally do anything to further Section One's interests, no matter what the sacrifice, and she expected the same effort from others under her command. If they wouldn't make those sacrifices willingly, she had no compunctions about manipulating or even coercing them to do so. Her recruitment to Section One, her background or her life prior to Section was unknown and the only thing that anyone really knew for sure was that Madeline had been in Section for a long time. Beyond that, people knew very little and that’s how she liked it.

The main thing that was known about her background served to make her even more enigmatic and the few details from her past held clues to the woman she became. When she was just a child, she and her sister Sarah fought over a doll they both wanted but neither was willing to give any ground until Madeline made the deliberate choice to push Sarah down a flight of stairs killing her. “I wanted the doll,” … was her emotionless statement about the incident. This was a clear indication that the accident was indeed malicious and that perhaps it was always in her nature to take what she wanted from others regardless of the consequences. However, that event wasn’t what brought her into Section One. There were rumours that she repeatedly stabbed a lover to death after suffering years of physical and mental abuse which would partially explain her uncanny gift of doing the same thing to others.

Although she could manipulate anyone into revealing their deepest motivations, Madeline herself was the most secretive Section operative of all. What made her tick? No one knew, not even Operations to whom she was so closely allied. Colum from Oversight referred to both of them as Siamese twins because of how the two worked in lockstep. She is always by Operations’ side to help him make vital decisions including who lives and who dies. Dougal Mackenzie could rely on Madeline and her counsel but that didn’t mean he understood her, and that was likely the way she preferred things.

Madeline is the most elusive of the agents at Section One whose power flowed from the perception that the limits of her knowledge and abilities seemed infinite. Always with a secret agenda, her modus operandi involved stepping back, assessing the captives and using her keen insight to pry deeply into their minds. She is cunning and beautiful and deadly and those traits are what make her formidable. In some respects, Section’s second in command is more ruthless than Operations himself, for it is difficult to believe that she had any respect for human life when she appears to think everyone is expendable.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Alone with her thoughts, Madeline quietly observed Madame Cheung strapped into the chair in her foreboding domain before proceeding towards the target. Walking across the cold, unadorned floor her footsteps echoed with each step she took.

With a self-belief that she would do what she had to do in order to extract the information about the Rising Dragons for Section's benefit uppermost on her mind, Madeline approached the lone figure of their latest incarcerated triad member. Now at long last Madame Cheung was her latest victim. From what she had observed so far, she knew that this woman would be interesting to say the least and there would be no holds barred. She’d read Jamie and Claire’s debriefs and had viewed the mission tapes. Therefore, Madeline was well aware of Madame Cheung’s strengths but her forte was finding weaknesses. She left no stone unturned in her pursuit, for it was in so doing that she gained the higher ground, and she had every intention of finding Madame Cheung’s Achilles’ heel.

Although the triad member had proved to be ruthless, little did she know that Section One’s chief strategist was more so. Madame Cheung was in her domain now, and there would be no escape from her fate there. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The target sat manacled in the metal chair lost in her thoughts. Reciting the Rising Dragon’s mantra in her mind in some way gave Madame Cheung comfort and strength.

“Death with Honour” its way of life With motto “Strength by Dare” Once you yield fear nought … but When it seeks you, beware! The Rising Dragon! She had been in this stark room for some time, but how long she did not know. There was little she could do except wait to see what would happen next. It was obviously some kind of interrogation room as it was devoid of colour and furniture. Her hands were shackled and she had little chance of escape although she’d tried to loosen the restraints on her wrists but to no avail. No one had entered since two men had placed her in this chair. So, she had little choice but to play the waiting game ... then she would know where she stood and what, if any options she had. Madame Cheung’s steely resolve was exacerbated, particularly when she relived the duplicity of her protégé Claire Beauchamp. She had been betrayed by Claire and her bitterness at her treachery knew no boundaries. Le Comte St. Germain too had deceived her. They had totally fooled her after having won over her confidence. To think that her uncanny wiles had let her down was unforgivable. She had failed to see their subterfuge ... and at no time had she suspected them of being anything other than who they were pretending to be. They had ingratiated themselves into her world of the Rising Dragons for ulterior motives. She had trusted them but they had betrayed her. Now because of their ruse, she was a captive in this place. She had meant every word uttered to Claire when she’d been captured. Not only would she need to be wary but Le Comte St. Germain... James Fraser ... would also need to be vigilant. When Sun Yee Lok found out about her betrayal at the hands of these individuals, as she knew he would all in good time, then he would seek vengeance as only the triad could ...the triad way. It was her one consolation for her stupidity in being so gullible and being deceived by this slip of a girl who had got under her guard. As another consequence she had lost face ... not only with herself but with her leader. When Sun Yee Lok found out, he would be merciless in his retribution of her, so whatever she was dealt here in this place of incarceration, would be nothing in comparison to what he would do to her if they should meet once more. She was after all part of his trusted inner circle. How had she been fooled so easily? Betraying the triad was reprehensible and because she had been duped this played more heavily on her mind. It was now perfectly clear that other members of the triad had gone before her and had met a similar fate at the hands of these mercenaries. Sun Yee Lok had been most displeased with the death of Tony Wong but his suspicions had led to another rival triad rather than other foul means. The other deaths had not been suspicious, however, knowing the ruthlessness of these people perhaps they were suspicious after all. Now it was she who was on the receiving end ... one that found her in a predicament ... and one that she may have trouble getting out of. What was this place? Who were these people and what were their motives? As her thoughts reverberated in her head Madame Cheung felt a wave of doom course through her body at what her fate might hold. Although she would never show it, she was afraid. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Unable to see when someone entered the room because her back was to the door, Madame Cheung was aware she had company. She listened to the sound of the creaking hinges as the door was pushed wider and wider, then came the closure and the clack of a bolt moving into the locked position. Shackled in the chair, she wondered who had entered. The unwavering gait of light footsteps resonated on the flooring as a woman, most probably, came into the room. Then she heard the humming sound. Her eyes narrowed as an expression of determination crossed her face not dissimilar to that of other Triad members who had been Section One’s guests here in the White Room before. Hearing the footsteps draw nearer, Madame Cheung steeled herself for what may come. However, little did she know, but her fate had already been sealed … a fact she would soon discover. Madeline stopped behind the target and addressed her back. “Hello, Madame Cheung ... Can I get you anything? ... Some water?” The woman’s voice chillingly reverberated in the quietness. Madame Cheung’s body tensed. She opened her eyes slowly and focused on the voice that had spoken to her. Saying nothing in reply she just stared down at the floor in defiance. A wry smile crossed Madeline’s face at her noncompliance. Circling the chair in her usual interrogation manner, her next verbal banter began to increase her advantage over Section One’s victim by destroying the subject's defences. “I've looked at your file. ... You present similarly to our other detainees from the Rising Dragons triad. Bright ... well connected ... very attractive, but ruthless ...” Madeline stopped talking and stood in front of Madame Cheung resolute, determined and unflinching. Brown eyes as cold as steel never left the woman in her sight and watched her straight-faced and emotionless. They missed nothing. They saw everything. Neither woman flinched as steely looks passed between the two women. Two pairs of cold eyes appraised one another as they sized each other up. Although one woman was in control, the other would never admit defeat and she waited to see how things would pan out with the formidable woman dressed so austerely. With bravado and venom Madame Cheung hissed in reply, “The triad will seek vengeance.” Madeline smiled her Machiavellian smile letting the target know in no uncertain terms who indeed had the upper hand. As she studied her opponent too, she knew without a shadow of a doubt that she did not like to be bettered on power games. Her greatest talent was her mind, so if Madame Cheung wanted to play mind games with her, she would come off second best.

“Interesting ... but I think not. Tony Wong, Alain de Marillac and Oliver Chan ... have been our guests ... All were members of the Rising Dragons ... All are dead!”

“The triad is much bigger than the individual. It will atone for the deaths of its members,” Madame Cheung retaliated with as much audacity as her inquisitor now realising that her earlier thoughts had been confirmed.

“Perhaps ... then again ... How will it atone for yours Madame Cheung?” A cold, piercing stare angrily held Madeline’s gaze.

Section One’s head strategist scrutinised the hostile watching for any facial movements that would betray that her words had hit a nerve. Bravado by the victim was the first stage of capitulation and Madeline relished the chance to pit her wits against this new adversary. Bit by bit she would wear her down as she always did. Some targets were more obstinate than others but, in the end, there would only be one winner. After she had finished messing with her mind, acting on her fears, Madame Cheung would wish she had never been born. Not only was she the one in control, but the White Room was her domain after all. No one bettered her perception about people and she had Madame Cheung figured out. The woman was a carbon copy of herself. As Section One’s resident torture expert she definitely had the upper hand. Madeline knew exactly which buttons to push, when to push and how to push them to get the required results. Her cold demeanour allowed her to torture people for information without batting so much as an eyelash. Her methods were succinct, purposeful and she got the job done with as little fuss as possible. Given her confidence in the face of adversity, Madame Cheung may prove to be difficult. Madeline, however, relished the thought of matching wits with her for there was nothing she liked better. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Reciting the Rising Dragon’s mantra in her mind had calmed Madame Cheung’s nerves and given her the burst of courage and confidence needed to face her foe. Although she was unable to see her adversary at first, she had known the very moment that her interrogator had stood in front of her. She’d felt her presence while the woman’s words had cut through her with the underlying cynicism of someone who had the upper hand. The humming had obviously been a ruse to unnerve her, but her training in martial arts had prepared her for such tactics. Nothing much fazed her and a little humming certainly hadn’t. As the attractive, brown haired and well-groomed woman approached, she’d observed her more closely and had seen a cold and calculating opponent. Neither of them had flinched when their eyes had met. Madame Cheung had known immediately that this woman, who showed no emotion, was composed, stoic and unflinching, and ... she was used to winning. Unequivocally she’d seen a mirror image of herself. Her bravado was an effort to diffuse the situation and catch the brown-haired woman off guard, but her boldness had backfired. She was a bit taken aback when the woman had mentioned the members of the Triad who they’d thought had met their demise by natural causes. Little did they suspect that Alain de Marillac and Oliver Chan had met with foul play. Sun Yee Lok had blamed their rival triad group the Black Panthers for the death of Tony Wong but now she knew it was indeed these people. What were their motives? Who were they? Perhaps they were some kind of anti-terrorist organisation. Did they want to see the triad implode in order to eliminate the Rising Dragons? Or were they taking down its hierarchy one by one in order to destabilise the triad? Would another less powerful triad better serve their purposes? There were too many questions that she could only hazard a guess at. One fact that was obvious though was that she was at their mercy and had little prospect of finding a way out of her dilemma. She was conscious that any facial movements would be a sign that the woman’s words ... “How will it atone for yours Madame Cheung?” ... had hit a cord with her. However, it had taken all of her willpower not to flinch as the meaning hit home ... Her death! She’d swallowed the bile that had risen in her throat ... So; she was to die at their hands if she refused to cooperate? For a moment she’d been afraid ... not of death, because death didn’t frighten her. She wasn’t afraid to die ... there were always others who would take her place within the triad. She had meant it when she’d said that the triad was bigger than the individual. It may suffer for a while but like the Phoenix it would rise stronger and more defiant in its adversity. Sun Yee Lok was astute enough to work out that there were forces working against it and take affirmative action against the perpetrators. The triad would indeed rise up. These people would do well to take heed and be cautious of its merciless ways for when the triad sought you out there was no escape from the wrath of the Rising Dragons! No ... she was afraid that the rhetoric she’d espoused may be for nought, unless there was a way that Sun Yee Lok would indeed piece together the chain of events that had occurred to the triad over the past months. If there was no escape from this place of incarceration for her and her death was inevitable, how would he know that she too had met her demise by subterfuge and deception? She was afraid of what may come and the pain they would inflict to make her give in, but she hoped that she had the steely reserve to counterbalance whatever they may do to her. The woman in brown had scrutinised her features watching for any sign of capitulation that her words had unnerved her ... but she would not show her any fear. Fear was a weakness that was to be exploited ... a means to an end. If she showed them no fear, then she would in turn unnerve her interrogator.

Madame Cheung wondered what this woman had in store for her, but whatever it was ... she had the resilience to offset it. And so, she waited for one of them to strike the first blow.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Madeline moved closer, deliberately moving into Madame Cheung’s space yet watching her surreptitiously. Her next statement to her, however, was cause for alarm and the matter-of-fact way in which Madeline spoke sent chills up and down her spine. Her tone indicated to Madame Cheung that she was indeed a fearsome and cold-blooded opponent. “Trust me ... you do not have the strength to withstand the pain our technology can inflict. The question is simple: will you cooperate now ... or will you force me to modify you?” Madeline watched and saw a slight flinch in the target’s eye at her words, but raising her head even higher in defiance, Madame Cheung said nothing but merely stared her down. “Madame Cheung ... you have a business relationship with a man named Sun Yee Lok.” “So that’s why you got me here? Sun Yee Lok?” She laughed. “Ha! Classic! Sun Yee Lok!” “Yes Sun Yee Lok ... the supreme head of the Rising Dragons’ triad.” “Now why would you want him?” As Madame Cheung’s insolence continued, Madeline decided to shut her up once and for all. Without any warning, she grabbed her by the throat closing off her windpipe. She gasped as the last vestige of air began to escape her lungs leaving her spluttering and choking unable to breathe. Leaning in to the target and with eyes that were merciless Madeline whispered just loudly enough to be heard. “Now listen carefully. We have our reasons for wanting Sun Yee Lok, and you will help us. Usually, I’d extract what I want and you’d be disposed of. You’re a very lucky woman, Madame Cheung.” Madeline released her fingers from her wind pipe so that she could respond. Coughing, Madame Cheung moistened her throat but her eyes showed no other emotion other than contempt. “Oh? How do you figure that?” “You should be dead by now. It would only take one slight movement to your carotid artery and ...” Gasping for breath she managed to say, “In other words, you’ll keep me alive until you get what you want.” Looking Madame Cheung in the eye, while playing her cat and mouse tactics, Madeline replied. “Actually, we know that you are a member of the Rising Dragons and Sun Yee Lok’s inner circle. I have a much better offer for you.” “Oooh. I’m afraid.” “I think there’s an opportunity here for someone with your skill set.” “Really?” “Yes ... seduction techniques are always in demand for luring unsuspecting targets. Don’t you agree Madame Cheung?” “I don’t want to work in your organization.” “I disagree. I think the work here will appeal to you; after all you’re very good at seducing clients. But I digress ... we’re getting ahead of ourselves. First things first.” “What do you want me to do?” “Tell us the whereabouts of Sun Yee Lok.” “Go to hell!” “Very well, if that’s how you feel ... you leave me little choice.” Madeline turned her back to her and smiled inwardly. She had plans for Madame Cheung ... plans that included Henry and Elizabeth, Sections One’s pre-eminent torture technicians. They had yet to pay a visit to her but when they did, she would know it. They were so good at applying that extra little persuasive pressure that was sometimes needed to tip a terrorist over the edge. Madeline knew that Madame Cheung would “enjoy” their little session. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ No sooner had the words had left her mouth than the sound of a door opening filled the eerie silence of this cold white room. Madame Cheung heard two pairs of footsteps in unison approach to where the interrogator stood. Glancing up she noticed a man and a woman carrying what looked like a suitcase each. The be-speckled pair was dressed sombrely in dark suits, but it was their demeanour that unnerved her. She had seen their likes before ... people who specialized in interrogation through the use of torture techniques and who were indifferent to their victim’s pain. This deadly duo had evidently been called to the White Room in order to acquire information from hostiles swiftly and efficiently and Madame Cheung knew that that meant her. Obviously, they had a variety of medical equipment and devices in their cases that would persuade their victim to relinquish information quickly. The Rising Dragons also used such people and Madame Cheung knew what awaited her because of her insubordination to comply. Her fate was now in their hands. “Madeline?” “You know what to do.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ to be continued

#jamie and claire #Jamie Fraser #claire beauchamp #jamie and claire fanfic #covert operations #crossoverAU

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daddychi-01 · 6 years ago

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His Most Fundamental Self

This is a coda for season 3 episode 14: A Kiss From a Rose

As Alec made his way through the institute he had to take great care in keeping his steps quiet, consciously making each stride not reflect the fury that was currently flowing through his body for a particular snake-like High Warlock. Alec knew he needed to calm down, Magnus was waiting for him in what would now be their room and he did not deserve to be burdened with Alec’s frustration. Magnus had asked Alec to be happy for him so that is what Alec planned on doing, after stopping in his office to work until the anger gave way to exhaustion.

There were a number of things Alec was expecting when he opened the door to his office: another mountain of new reports for him to review, Church lying on top of said mountain of paperwork looking indifferent to the disfunction he was causing, or even just a dark and abandoned room with nothing out of place; what he had not been expecting was Clary to be sitting on the sofa with her knees pulled up to her chest staring at a crackling fire.

The door suddenly opening drew the redhead from her position as she turned to look at Alec. “Hey,” she whispered and then returned to resting her chin on her knees.

Alec returned the greeting, but in a suspicious tone and with a raised eyebrow. “What are you doing here?”

Clary scoffed, but Alec could hear the slight sob she was trying to hide. “Simon was right, you don’t have the best bed side manner.” Alec rolled his eyes and walked over to stand almost in front of her. Clary could sense that Alec was taking in every detail right now, scrutinizing her and trying to figure out without asking what the problem was. “Magnus might disagree though.”

“That’s funny.” Alec said for the second time tonight.

“You didn’t laugh.” Clary dryly returned.

“Well you didn’t answer my question, so we can call it even.” Alec turned and walked towards his desk. He couldn’t help but release a slight sigh of relief when he took off his jacket and draped it over his chair.

“I’m sorry for invading, you probably don’t want me here.” Clary said, but she did not make a move to get up and leave. She just sat there and continued to look straight forward.

As Alec made his way back over, he could see the fire not just illuminating her eyes, but also the tears that were being held in them. “My not wanting you here has never stopped you before, so why should it now.” Alec said as he sat down next the petite women, shifting his body as he went so that he was facing her instead of the fire.

“Who is being funny now?” Clary quipped, but there was no humor in her voice. Alec didn’t reply, instead he allowed for the silence to continue on. Something had clearly happened, and Alec could only pray that it didn’t have to do with Jace. His parabatai had been through enough recently, but fate truly seemed to have a cruel sense of humor when it came to Jace Herondale. Alec had to push down the urge to ask her, instinct telling him that if he pushed Clary would shut down and then he would be left with no information and an emotionally detached little girl. “Are you going to say anything?” Clary asked.

“I asked my question,” Alec said while fidgeting with his hands, “I’m waiting on you.”

“I assume you heard what happened.” Clary sighed and moved slightly, now with her forehead resting on her knees. She looked like an absolute mess, and even Alec could not help but feel bad for her.

Alec nodded his head but realized that the girl was not looking at him, so he offered up a, “Jace texted me,” as an explanation.

“I’m sorry.” Clary whispered into her legs. If Alec had not been sitting right next to her, he would not have heard the woeful apology.

In that moment Alec could not help but curse the Angel, it seemed that he was smiting all of the people he loved right now, and his punishment was having to sit here and watch. He was powerless to stop the world burning down in front of him. Jace is in a constant state of anxiety because the love of his life is bound to the embodiment of evil, Isabelle is struggling with loneliness and a feeling of inferiority as she watches both of her older brothers find love, and now Magnus, well Alec doesn’t even know what to think about Magnus. He was desperate enough to gain his magic back that he allowed himself to be publicly humiliated by Lorenzo, and Alec could not help but feel that this solution was temporary at best.

Alec remembered his mom reassuring him as a child that Raziel never gave his chosen warriors more than they could handle but looking at Clary now Alec couldn’t help but think his mother was wrong. Alec slowly reached his hand out, so that Clary had time to detect him in her peripheral vision, and he gently grabbed at the crook of her elbow, “You have nothing to apologize for.”

Clary’s entire body shuddered with a sob that seemed much too large to be contained by such a tiny body. Each breath was painful for Clary, and the hot tears that she was once holding back were streaming down her cheeks like lavas tracks. “I let him go!” Clary pushed out between the scattered sobs. “I had him, and I let him get away! And the worst part is I don’t even know why!”

Alec did not even hesitate to use the grip he already had to pull the Shadowhunter into his arms. For a moment Clary was shocked, but the shock gave way to her pent-up frustration and self-loathing which prompted her to crash into the safety of Alec’s chest and simply break. She could not physically hold herself together anymore due to all of the different emotions inside of her battling it out and ripping her apart. “I don’t know what happened.” Clary cried as she gripped the fabric of Alec’s shirt like a lifeline. “I don’t know Alec, I don’t know.”

Alec brought a hand up to rest on Clary’s head for a moment, and then he began to let his fingers comb through her hair in an attempt to settle her. “Shh Clary, it alright.” He whispered into her ear. “Everything is okay, I promise.”

“No, it isn’t.” She cried and tried to push her face deeper into Alec’s chest, as if that were an avenue for her to somehow escape their current devastating reality.

“I know it seems like the end of the world right now,” Alec sighed, “but it isn’t Clary. We are all going to make it through this.”

“But Jonathan,” Clary tried but Alec interrupted her.

“I don’t give a damn about Jonathan right now.” Alec said firmly and then pushed Clary just barely off of his chest, that way she would have to look at him for what he was about to say. “The only thing that matters right now is that you are safe, and he didn’t hurt you. We will get the bastard the next time, but right now I’m just grateful that you’re okay.”

More tears bubbled up in Clary’s eyes and at first Alec thought that they were tears of appreciation, after all it isn’t often that Alec Lightwood says something nice to Clary Fairchild, but it turned out that the tears were not happy in the slightest. “But he did hurt me Alec.” Clary said and collapsed on to the older Shadowhunter’s shoulder.

“What do you mean?” Alec immediately asked, a panic taking over. Alec distinctly remembered Jace telling him that Clary came away without any injuries, that Jace was the only one hurt but his iratze had taken care of everything. “Clary what did he do?”

“He, he,” Clary took a deep breath and tried to steady herself, “he kissed me.” Once again a deeply rooted anger flared up into the stomach of the eldest Lightwood. Alec made a promise to himself, if he ever got his hands on Jonathan Morgenstern and that stupid twinning rune was not a problem, he was going to personally draw an agony rune on him and let the bastard suffer before sending him off to hell. “I feel, I feel violated Alec.”

Alec wrapped his arms around Clary, pulling her in as close to him as he could. This is not what he had planned for himself tonight, but that didn’t really matter anymore. Magnus would understand why he was so late once he explained, if anything Magnus would commend his boyfriend and then set off to try and kill Jonathan for so much as looking at Clary.

“You have a right to feel that way Clary.” Alec said, trying his best to keep his voice steady and comforting. “What Jonathan did was beyond wrong. He took a sacred bond that is supposed to exist between siblings and perverted it.” Alec couldn’t imagine what Clary must be feeling.

Clary let her head rest on Alec’s collarbone, and she took another breath to center herself. She had already been so vulnerable with the older boy today, and she was getting ready to trust him again. “The worst thing is, when I first found out I had a brother I was excited, because all my life it felt like something was missing. I know that I had Simon, but there was this whole in my life, and I think the part of me that knew I belonged to this world also knew that I was meant to have a brother. So, when my mom tried to warn me that Jonathan was evil, I wrote her off because I wanted her to be wrong. I wanted a brother.”

“Clary there isn’t anything wrong with wanting a family.” Alec tried to reassure her.

“But I didn’t get what I wanted.” Clary pushed away from Alec and looked down at both of their laps. She wanted to look at him for this next confession, but she couldn’t bring herself to. This was something that needed to be said, “I saw what you have with Izzy, and that is what I wanted.” The tears were back, and Clary quickly began rubbing them away. “I wanted him to look at me the way you look at Izzy and at Jace. Everyone can see how much you love them; they know you would do anything for them, and I wanted that; but the love behind Jonathan’s eyes isn’t what I wanted Alec. I wanted him to be like you”

Alec put two of his fingers under Clary’s chin and forced her to look up at him. He knew that she had just said took a lot of courage to admit what she had, and he respected her for it. “That wasn’t love Fray.” Alec said. “Don’t let him confuse you.” Clary tearfully nodded and then tried to look away, but Alec wasn’t letting her go just yet.

“You deserve to get what you wanted,” and Alec sighed when Clary closed her eyes.

“But I’ll never get it. I can’t, I can never forgive him for what he did.” Clary said.

“I wouldn’t expect you to.” Alec shifted and now both of his hands were rest on Clary’s shoulders. It was odd, only a few months ago Alec would have described her shoulders as scrawny, but now they were toned, and she was starting to look more like the warrior that she was fated to be. “What I meant was,” this time it was Alec’s turn to take a breath and collect himself before he made a vulnerable admission, “I meant that you can have what you want Clary.”

That got the redhead’s attention. Her eyes widened with brief understanding, but she waited for Alec to confirm what she hoped he was saying.

“I will be your big brother Clary.” Alec said in one of the most serious voices she had ever heard. “As long as that is what you want.”

Clary launched herself into Alec’s chest again, wrapping her arms around his waist. If she had any tears left, she is sure that they would have been freely falling from her eyes. As it was, she was out of tears, so she settled for a joyful sob.

“Thank you, Alec.” Clary felt the once heavy burden that was crushing her lungs lighten to a more bearable weight. Jonathan was not gone, she was still bonded to him, but at least she finally had that big brother sized hole in her heart filled by a person who actually deserved to be there.

Alec released a content sigh and raised his legs to rest on the coffee table in front of them. He knew that neither of them were leaving this room any time soon, so he might as well get comfortable, “You’re welcome red.”

#shadowhunters #shadowhunters fanfic #mine #Alec Lightwood #Alexander Lightwood #Clary Fray #Clary Fairchild #Jonathan Morgenstern #Big Brother Alec

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grigori77 · 6 years ago

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Movies of 2019 - My Pre-Summer Favourites (Part 2)

The Top Ten:

10. GLASS – back in 2000, I went from liking the work of The Sixth Sense’s writer-director M. Night Shyamalan to becoming a genuine FAN thanks to his sneakily revisionist deconstruction of superhero tropes, Unbreakable. It’s STILL my favourite film of his to date, and one of my Top Ten superhero movies EVER, not just a fascinating examination of the mechanics of the genre but also a very satisfying screen origin story – needless to say I’m one of MANY fans who’ve spent nearly two decades holding out hope for a sequel. Flash forward to 2016 and Shyamalan’s long-overdue return-to-form sleeper hit, Split, which not only finally put his career back on course but also dropped a particularly killer end twist by actually being that very sequel. Needless to say 2019 was the year we FINALLY got our PROPER reward for all our patience – Glass is the TRUE continuation of the Unbreakable universe and the closer of a long-intended trilogy. Turns out, though, that it’s also his most CONTROVERSIAL film for YEARS, dividing audiences and critics alike with its unapologetically polarizing plot and execution – I guess that, after a decade of MCU and a powerhouse trilogy of Batman movies from Chris Nolan, we were expecting an epic, explosive action-fest to close things out, but that means we forgot exactly what it is about Shyamalan we got to love so much, namely his unerring ability to subvert and deconstruct whatever genre he’s playing around in. And he really doesn’t DO spectacle, does he? That said, this film is still a surprisingly BIG, sprawling piece of work, even if it the action is, for the most part, MUCH more internalised than most superhero movies. Not wanting to drop any major spoilers on the few who still haven’t seen it, I won’t give away any major plot points, suffice to say that ALL the major players from both Unbreakable and Split have returned – former security guard David Dunn (Bruce Willis) has spent the past nineteen years exploring his super-strength and near-invulnerability while keeping Philadelphia marginally safer as hooded vigilante the Overseer, and the latest target of his crime-fighting crusade is Kevin Wendell Crumb (James McAvoy), the vessel of 24 split personalities collectively known as the Horde, who’s continuing his cannibalistic serial-murder spree through the streets. Both are being hunted by the police, as well as Dr. Ellie Staple (series newcomer Sarah Paulson), a clinical psychiatrist specialising in treating individuals who suffer the delusional belief that they’re superheroes, her project also encompassing David’s former mentor-turned-nemesis Elijah Price, the eponymous Mr. Glass, whose life-long suffering from a crippling bone disease that makes his body dangerously fragile has done nothing to blunt the genius-level intellect that’s made him a ruthlessly accomplished criminal mastermind. How these remarkable individuals are brought together makes for fascinating viewing, and while it may be a good deal slower and talkier than some might have preferred, this is still VERY MUCH the Shyamalan we first came to admire – fiendishly inventive, slow-burn suspenseful and absolutely DRIPPING with cool, earworm dialogue, his characteristically mischievous sense of humour still present and correct, and he’s still retained that unswerving ability to wrong-foot us at every turn, right up to one of his most surprising twist endings to date. The cast are, as ever, on fire, the returning hands all superb while those new to the universe easily measure up to the quality of talent on display – Willis and Jackson are, as you’d expect, PERFECT throughout, brilliantly building on the incredibly solid groundwork laid in Unbreakable, while it’s a huge pleasure to see Anya Taylor-Joy, Spencer Treat Clark (a fine actor we don’t see NEARLY enough of, in my opinion) and Charlayne Woodard get MUCH bigger, more prominent roles this time out, while Paulson delivers an understated but frequently mesmerising turn as the ultimate unshakable sceptic. As with Split, however, the film is once again comprehensively stolen by McAvoy, whose truly chameleonic performance actually manages to eclipse its predecessor in its levels of sheer genius. Altogether this is another sure-footed step in the right direction for a director who’s finally regained his singular auteur prowess – say what you will about that ending, but it certainly is a game-changer, as boldly revisionist as anything that’s preceded it and therefore, in my opinion, exactly how it SHOULD have gone. If nothing else, this is a film that should be applauded for its BALLS …

9. PET SEMATARY – first off, let me say that I never saw the 1989 feature adaptation of Stephen King’s story, so I have no comparative frame of reference there – I WILL say, however, that the original novel is, in my opinion, easily one of the strongest offerings from America’s undisputed master of literary horror, so any attempt made to bring it to the big screen had better be a good one. Thankfully, this version more than delivers in that capacity, proving to be one of the more impressive of his cinematic outings in recent years (not quite up to the standard of The Mist, perhaps, but about on a par with It: Chapter One or the criminally overlooked 1408), as well as one of this year’s best horror offerings by far (at least for now). This may be the feature debut of directing double-act Kevin Kölsch and Dennis Widmyer, but they both display a wealth of natural talent here, wrangling bone-chilling scares and a pervading atmosphere of oppressive dread to deliver a top-notch screen fright-fest that works its way under your skin and stays put for days after. Jason Clarke is a classic King everyman hero as Boston doctor Louis Creed, displaced to the small Maine town of Ludlow as he trades the ER for a quiet clinic practice so he can spent more time with his family – Amy Seimetz (Upstream Color, Stranger Things), excellent throughout as his haunted, emotionally fragile wife Rachel, toddler son Gage (twins Hugo and Lucas Lavole), and daughter Ellie (newcomer Jeté Laurence, BY FAR the film’s biggest revelation, delivering to the highest degree even when her role becomes particularly intense). Their new home seems idyllic, the only blots being the main road at the end of their drive which experiences heavy traffic from speeding trucks, and the children’s pet cemetery in the woods at the back of their garden, which has become something of a local landmark. But there’s something far darker in the deeper places beyond, an ancient place of terrible power Louis is introduced to by their well-meaning but ultimately fallible elderly neighbour Jud (one of the best performances I’ve ever seen from screen legend John Lithgow) when his daughter’s beloved cat Church is run over. The cat genuinely comes back, but he’s irrevocably changed, the once sweet and lovable furball now transformed into a menacingly mangy little four-legged psychopath, and his resurrection sets off a chain of horrific events destined to devour the entire family … this is supernatural horror at its most inherently unnerving, mercilessly twisting the screws throughout its slow-burn build to the inevitable third act bloodbath and reaching a bleak, soul-crushing climax that comes close to rivalling the still unparalleled sucker-punch of The Mist – the adaptation skews significantly from King’s original at the mid-point, but even purists will be hard-pressed to deny that this is still VERY MUCH in keeping with the spirit of the book right up to its harrowing closing shot. The King of Horror has been well served once again – it’s may well be ousted when It: Chapter 2 arrives in September, but fans can rest assured that his dark imagination continues to inspire some truly great cinematic scares …

8. PROSPECT – I love a good cinematic underdog, there’s always some dynamite indies and sleepers that just about slip through the cracks that I end up championing every year, and 2019’s current favourite was a minor sensation at 2018’s South By Southwest film festival, a singularly original ultra-low-budget sci-fi adventure that made a genuine virtue of its miniscule budget. Riffing on classic eco-minded space flicks like Silent Running, it introduces a father-and-daughter prospecting team who land a potentially DEEPLY lucrative contract mining for an incredibly rare element on a toxic jungle moon – widower Damon (Transparent’s Jay Duplass), who’s downtrodden and world-weary but still a dreamer, and teenager Cee (relative newcomer Sophie Thatcher), an introverted bookworm with hidden reserves of ingenuity and fortitude. The job starts well, Damon setting his sights on a rumoured “queen’s layer” that could make them rich beyond their wildest dreams, but when they meet smooth-talking scavenger Ezra (Narcos’ Pedro Pascal), things take a turn for the worse – Damon is killed and Cee is forced to team up with Ezra to have any hope of survival on this hostile, unforgiving moon. Thatcher is an understated joy throughout, her seemingly detached manner belying hidden depths of intense feeling, while Pascal, far from playing a straight villain, turns Ezra into something of a tragic, charismatic antihero we eventually start to sympathise with, and the complex relationship that develops between them is a powerful, mercurial thing, the constantly shifting dynamic providing a powerful driving force for the film. Debuting writer-directors Zeek Earl and Chris Caldwell have crafted a wonderfully introspective, multi-layered tone poem of aching beauty, using subtle visual effects and a steamy, glow-heavy colour palette to make the lush forest environs into something nonetheless eerie and inhospitable, while the various weird and colourful denizens of this deadly little world prove that Ezra may be the LEAST of the dangers Cee faces in her hunt for escape. Inventive, intriguing and a veritable feast for the eyes and intellect, this is top-notch indie sci-fi and a sign of great things to come from its creators, thoroughly deserving of some major cult recognition in the future.

7. DRAGGED ACROSS CONCRETE – S. Craig Zahler is a writer-director who’s become a major fixture on my ones-to-watch list in recent years, instantly winning me over with his dynamite debut feature Bone Tomahawk before cementing that status with awesome follow-up Brawl On Cell Block 99. His latest is another undeniable hit that starts deceptively simply before snowballing into a sprawling urban crime epic as it follows its main protagonists – disgraced Bulwark City cops Brett Ridgeman (Mel Gibson) and Tony Lurasetti (Cell Block 99’s Vince Vaughn), on unpaid suspension after their latest bust leads to a PR nightmare – on a descent into a hellish criminal underworld as they set out to “seek compensation” for their situation by ripping off the score from a bank robbery spearheaded by ruthlessly efficient professional thief Lorentz Vogelmann (Thomas Kretschmann). In lesser hands, this two-hour-forty-minute feature might have felt like a painfully padded effort that would have passed far better chopped down to a breezy 90-minutes, but Zahler is such a compellingly rich and resourceful writer that every scene is essential viewing, overflowing with exquisitely drawn characters spouting endlessly quotable, gold-plated dialogue, and the constantly shifting narrative focus brings such consistent freshness that the increasingly complex plot remains rewarding right to the end. The two leads are both typically excellent – Vaughn gets to let loose with a far more showy, garrulous turn here than his more reserved character in his first collaboration with Zahler, while this is EASILY the best performance I’ve seen Gibson deliver in YEARS, the grizzled veteran clearly having a fine old time getting his teeth into a particularly meaty role that very much plays to his strengths – and they’re brilliantly bolstered by an excellent supporting cast – Get Rich Or Die Tryin’s Tory Kittles easily matches them in his equally weighty scenes as Henry Johns, a newly-released ex-con also out to improve his family’s situation with a major score, while Kretschmann is at his most chilling as the brutal killer who executes his plans with cold-blooded precision, and there are wonderful scene-stealing offerings from Jennifer Carpenter, Udo Kier, Don Johnson (three more Zahler regulars, each having worked with Vaughn on Cell Block 99), Michael Jai White, Laurie Holden and newcomer Miles Truitt. This is a really meaty film, dark, intense, gritty and unflinching in its portrayal of honest, unglamorous violence and its messy aftermath, but fans of grown-up filmmaking will find PLENTY to enjoy here, Zahler crafting a crime epic comparable to the heady best of Scorsese and Tarantino. Another sure-fire winner from one of the best new filmmakers around.

6. SHAZAM! – there are actually THREE movies featuring Captain Marvel out this year, but this offering from the hit-and-miss DCEU cinematic franchise is a very different beast from his MCU-based namesake, and besides, THIS Cap long ago ditched said monicker for the far more catchy (albeit rather more oddball) title that graces Warner Bros’ latest step back on the right track for their superhero Universe following December’s equally enjoyable Aquaman and franchise high-point Wonder Woman. Although he’s never actually referred to in the film by this name, Shazam (Chuck’s Zachary Levy) is the magically-powered alternate persona bestowed upon wayward fifteen year-old foster kid Billy Batson (Andi Mack’s Asher Angel) by an ancient wizard (Djimon Hounsou) seeking one pure soul to battle Dr. Thaddeus Sivana (Mark Strong), a morally corrupt physicist who turns into a monstrous supervillain after becoming the vessel for the spiritual essences of the Seven Deadly Sins (yup, that thoroughly batshit setup is just the tip of the iceberg of bonkersness on offer in this movie). Yes, this IS set in the DC Extended Universe, Shazam sharing his world with Superman, Batman, the Flash et al, and there are numerous references (both overt and sly) to this fact throughout (especially in the cheeky animated closing title sequence), but it’s never laboured, and the film largely exists in its own comfortably enclosed narrative bubble, allowing us to focus on Billy, his alter ego and in particular his clunky (but oh so much fun) bonding experiences with his new foster family, headed by former foster kid couple Victor and Rosa Vazquez (The Walking Dead’s Cooper Andrews and Marta Milans) – the most enjoyably portions of the film, however, are when Billy explores the mechanics and limits of his newfound superpowers with his new foster brother Freddy Freeman (It: Chapter One’s Jack Dylan Glazer), a consistently hilarious riot of bad behaviour, wanton (often accidental) destruction and perfectly-observed character development, the blissful culmination of a gleefully anarchic sense of humour that, until recently, has been rather lacking in the DCEU but which is writ large in bright, wacky primary colours right through this film. Sure, there are darker moments, particularly when Sivana sets loose his fantastic icky brood of semi-incorporeal monsters, and these scenes are handled with seasoned skill by director David F. Sandberg, who cut his teeth on ingenious little horror gem Lights Out (following up with Annabelle: Creation, but we don’t have to dwell on that), but for the most part the film is played for laughs, thrills and pure, unadulterated FUN, almost never taking itself too seriously, essentially intended to do for the DCEU what Guardians of the Galaxy and Ant-Man did for the MCU, and a huge part of its resounding success must of course be attributed to the universally willing cast. Levy’s so ridiculously pumped-up he almost looks like a special effect all on his own, but he’s lost none of his razor-sharp comic ability, perfectly encapsulating a teenage boy in a grown man’s body, while his chemistry with genuine little comedic dynamo Glazer is simply exquisite, a flawless balance shared with Angel, who similarly excels at the humour but also delivers quality goods in some far more serious moments too, while the rest of Billy’s newfound family are all brilliant, particularly ridiculously adorable newcomer Faithe Herman as precocious little motor-mouth Darla; Djimon Hounsou, meanwhile, adds significant class and gravitas to what could have been a cartoonish Gandalf spoof, and Mark Strong, as usual, gives great bad guy as Sivana, providing just the right amount of malevolent swagger and self-important smirk to proceedings without ever losing sight of the deeper darkness within. All round, this is EXACTLY the kind of expertly crafted superhero package we’ve come to appreciate in the genre, another definite shot in the arm for the DCEU that holds great hope for the future of the franchise, and some of the biggest fun I’ve had at the cinema so far this year. Granted, it’s still not a patch on the MCU, but the quality gap does finally look to be closing …

5. ALITA: BATTLE ANGEL – y’know, there was a time when James Cameron was quite a prolific director, who could be counted upon to provide THE big event pic of the blockbuster season. These days, we’re lucky to hear from him once a decade, and now we don’t even seem to be getting that – the dream project Cameron’s been trying to make since the end of the 90s, a big live action adaptation of one of my favourite mangas of all time, Gunnm (or Battle Angel Alita to use its more well-known sobriquet) by Yukito Kishiro, has FINALLY arrived, but it isn’t the big man behind the camera here since he’s still messing around with his intended FIVE MOVIE Avatar arc. That said, he made a damn good choice of proxy to bring his vision to fruition – Robert Rodriguez is, of course a fellow master of action cinema, albeit one with a much more quirky style, and this adap is child’s play to him, the creator of the El Mariachi trilogy and co-director of Frank Miller’s Sin City effortlessly capturing the dark, edgy life-and-death danger and brutal wonder of Kishiro’s world in moving pictures. 300 years after the Earth was decimated in a massive war with URM (the United Republics of Mars) known as “the Fall”, only one bastion of civilization remains – Iron City, a sprawling, makeshift community of scavengers that lies in the shadow of the floating city of Zalem, home of Earth’s remaining aristocracy. Dr. Dyson Ido (Christoph Waltz) runs a clinic in Iron City customising and repairing the bodies of its cyborg citizens, from the mercenary “hunter killers” to the fast-living players of Motorball (a kind of supercharged mixture of Rollerball and Death Race), one day discovering the wrecked remains of a female ‘borg in the junkyard of scrap accumulated beneath Zalem. Finding her human brain is still alive, he gives her a new chassis and christens her Alita, raising her as best he can as she attempts to piece together her mysterious, missing past, only for them both to discover that the truth of her origins has the potential to tear their fragile little world apart forever. The Maze Runner trilogy’s Rosa Salazar is the heart and soul of the film as Alita (originally Gally in the comics), perfectly bringing her (literal) wide-eyed innocence and irrepressible spirit to life, as well as proving every inch the diminutive badass fans have been expecting – while her overly anime-styled look might have seemed a potentially jarring distraction in the trailers, Salazar’s mocap performance is SO strong you’ve forgotten all about it within the first five minutes, convinced she’s a real, flesh-and-metal character – and she’s well supported by an exceptional ensemble cast both new and well-established. Waltz is the most kind and sympathetic he’s been since Django Unchained, instilling Ido with a worldly warmth and gentility that makes him a perfect mentor/father-figure, while Spooksville star Keean Johnson makes a VERY impressive big screen breakthrough as Hugo, the streetwise young dreamer with a dark secret that Alita falls for in a big way, Jennifer Connelly is icily classy as Ido’s ex-wife Chiren, Mahershala Ali is enjoyably suave and mysterious as the film’s nominal villain, Vector, an influential but seriously shady local entrepreneur with a major hidden agenda, and a selection of actors shine through the CGI in various strong mocap performances, such as Deadpool’s Ed Skrein, Derek Mears, From Dusk Til Dawn’s Eiza Gonzalez and a thoroughly unrecognisable but typically awesome Jackie Earle Haley. As you’d expect from Rodriguez, the film delivers BIG TIME on the action front, unleashing a series of spectacular set-pieces that peak with Alita’s pulse-pounding Motorball debut, but there’s a pleasingly robust story under all the thrills and wow-factor, riffing on BIG THEMES and providing plenty of emotional power, especially in the heartbreaking character-driven climax – Cameron, meanwhile, has clearly maintained strict control over the project throughout, his eye and voice writ large across every scene as we’re thrust headfirst into a fully-immersive post-apocalyptic, rusty cyberpunk world as thoroughly fleshed-out as Avatar’s Pandora, but most importantly he’s still done exactly what he set out to do, paying the utmost respect to a cracking character as he brings her to vital, vivid life on the big screen. Don’t believe the detractors – this is a MAGNIFICENT piece of work that deserves all the recognition it can muster, perfectly set up for a sequel that I fear we may never get to see. Oh well, at least it’s renewed my flagging hopes for a return to Pandora …

4. HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON: THE HIDDEN WORLD – while I love Disney and Pixar as much as the next movie nut, since the Millennium my loyalty has been slowly but effectively usurped by the consistently impressive (but sometimes frustratingly underappreciated) output of Dreamworks Animation Studios, and in recent years in particular they really have come to rival the House of Mouse in both the astounding quality of their work and their increasing box office reliability. But none of their own franchises (not even Shrek or Kung Fu Panda) have come CLOSE to equalling the sheer, unbridled AWESOMENESS of How to Train Your Dragon, which started off as a fairly loose adaptation of Cressida Cowell’s popular series of children’s stories but quickly developed a very sharp mind of its own – the first two films were undisputable MASTERPIECES, and this third and definitively FINAL chapter in the trilogy matches them to perfection, as well as capping the story off with all the style, flair and raw emotional power we’ve come to expect. The time has come to say goodbye to diminutive Viking Hiccup (Jay Baruchel, as effortlessly endearing as ever) and his adorable Night Fury mount/best friend Toothless, fiancée Astrid (America Ferrera, still tough, sassy and WAY too good for him), mother Valka (Cate Blanchett, classy, wise and still sporting a pretty flawless Scottish accent) and all the other Dragon Riders of the tiny, inhospitable island kingdom of Berk – their home has become overpopulated with scaly, fire-breathing denizens, while a trapper fleet led by the fiendish Grimmel the Grisly (F. Murray Abraham delivering a wonderfully soft-spoken, subtly chilling master villain) is beginning to draw close, prompting Hiccup to take up his late father Stoick (Gerard Butler returning with a gentle turn that EASILY prompts tears and throat-lumps) the Vast’s dream of finding the fabled “Hidden World”, a mysterious safe haven for dragon-kind where they can be safe from those who seek to do them harm. But there’s a wrinkle – Grimmel has a new piece of bait, a female Night Fury (or rather, a “Light Fury”), a major distraction that gets Toothless all hot and bothered … returning witer-director Dean DeBlois has rounded things off beautifully with this closer, giving loyal fans everything they could ever want while also introducing fresh elements such as intriguing new environments, characters and species of dragons to further enrich what is already a powerful, intoxicating world for viewers young and old (I particularly love Craig Ferguson’s ever-reliable comic relief veteran Viking Gobber’s brilliant overreactions to a certain adorably grotesque little new arrival), and like its predecessors this film is just as full of wry, broad and sometimes slightly (or not so slightly) absurd humour and deep down gut-twisting FEELS as it is of stirring, pulse-quickening action sequences and sheer, jaw-dropping WONDER, so it’s as nourishing to our soul as it is to our senses. From the perfectly-pitched, cheekily irreverent opening to the truly devastating, heartbreaking close, this is EXACTLY the final chapter we’ve always dreamed of, even if it does hurt to see this most beloved of screen franchises go. It’s been a wild ride, and one that I think really does CEMENT Dreamworks’ status as one of the true giants of the genre …

3. US – back in 2017, Jordan Peele made the transition from racially-charged TV and stand-up comedy to astounding cinemagoers with stunning ease through his writer-director feature debut Get Out, a sharply observed jet black comedy horror with SERIOUS themes that was INSANELY well-received by audiences and horror fans alike. Peele instantly became ONE TO WATCH in the genre, so his follow-up feature had A LOT riding on it, but this equally biting, deeply satirical existential mind-bender is EASILY the equal of its predecessor, possibly even its better … giving away too much plot detail would do great disservice to the many intriguing, shocking twists on offer as middle class parents Adelaide and Gabe Wilson (Black Panther alumni Lupita Nyong’o and Winston Duke) take their children, Zora (Shahadi Wright Joseph) and Jason (Evan Alex), to Santa Cruz on vacation, only to step into a nightmare as a night-time visitation by a family of murderous doppelgangers signals the start of a terrifying supernatural revolution with potential nationwide consequences. The idea at the heart of this film is ASTOUNDINGLY original, quite an achievement in a genre where just about everything has been tried at least once, but it’s also DEEPLY subversive, as challenging and thought-provoking as the themes visited in Get Out, but also potentially even more wide-reaching. It’s also THOROUGHLY fascinating and absolutely TERRIFYING, a peerless exercise in slow-burn tension and acid-drip discomfort, liberally soaked in an oppressive atmosphere so thick you could choke on it if you’re not careful, such a perfect horror master-class it’s amazing that this is only Peele’s second FEATURE, never mind his sophomore offering IN THE GENRE. The incredibly game cast really help, too – the four leads are all EXCEPTIONAL, each delivering fascinatingly nuanced performances in startlingly oppositional dual roles as both the besieged family AND their monstrous doubles, a feat brilliantly mimicked by Mad Men and The Handmaid’s Tale star Elisabeth Moss, Tim Heidecker and teen twins Cali and Noelle Sheldon as the Wilsons’ friends, the Tylers, and their similarly psychotic mimics. The film is DOMINATED, however, by Oscar-troubler Nyong’o, effortlessly holding our attention throughout the film with yet another raw, intense, masterful turn that keeps up glued to the screen from start to finish, even as the twists get weirder and more full-on brain-mashy. Of course, while this really is scary as hell, it’s also often HILARIOUSLY funny, Peele again poking HUGE fun at both his target audience AND his allegorical targets, proving that scares often work best when twinned with humour. BY FAR the best thing in horror so far this year, Us shows just what a master of the genre Jordan Peele is – let’s hope he’s here to stay …

2. CAPTAIN MARVEL – before the first real main event of not only the year’s blockbusters but also, more importantly, 2019’s big screen MCU roster, Marvel Studios president Kevin Feige and co dropped a powerful opening salvo with what, it turns out, was the TRUE inception point of the Avengers Initiative and all its accompanying baggage (not Captain America: the First Avenger, as we were originally led to believe). For me, this is simply the MCU movie I have MOST been looking forward to essentially since the beginning – the onscreen introduction of my favourite Avenger, former US Air Force Captain Carol Danvers, the TRUE Captain Marvel (no matter what the DC purists might say), who was hinted at in the post credits sting of Avengers: Endgame but never actually seen. Not only is she the most powerful Avenger (sorry Thor, but it’s true), but for me she’s also the most badass – she’s an unstoppable force of (cosmically enhanced) nature, with near GODLIKE powers (she can even fly through space without needing a suit!), but the thing that REALLY makes her so full-on EPIC is her sheer, unbreakable WILL, the fact that no matter what’s thrown at her, no matter how often or how hard she gets knocked down, she KEEPS GETTING BACK UP. She is, without a doubt, the MOST AWESOME woman in the entire Marvel Universe, both on the comic page AND up on the big screen. Needless to say, such a special character needs an equally special actor to portray her, and we’re thoroughly blessed in the inspired casting choice of Brie Larson (Room, Kong: Skull Island), who might as well have been purpose-engineered exclusively for this very role – she’s Carol Danvers stepped right out of the primary-coloured panels, as steely cool, unswervingly determined and strikingly statuesque as she’s always been drawn and scripted, with just the right amount of twinkle-eyed, knowing smirk and sassy humour to complete the package. Needless to say she’s the heart and soul of the film, a pure joy to watch throughout, but there’s so much more to enjoy here that this is VERY NEARLY the most enjoyable cinematic experience I’ve had so far this year … writer-director double-act Anna Boden and Ryan Fleck may only be known for smart, humble indies like Half Nelson and Mississippi Grind, but they’ve taken to the big budget, all-action blockbuster game like ducks to water, co-scripting with Geneva Robertson-Dworet (writer of the Tomb Raider reboot movie and the incoming third Guy Ritchie Sherlock Holmes movie) to craft yet another pitch-perfect MCU origin story, playing a sneakily multilayered, misleading game of perception-versus-truth as we’re told how Carol got her powers and became the unstoppable badass supposedly destined to turn the tide in a certain Endgame … slyly rolling the clock back to the mid-90s, we’re presented with a skilfully realised “period” culture clash adventure as Carol, an super-powered warrior fighting for the Kree Empire against the encroaching threat of the shape-shifting Skrulls, crash-lands in California and winds up uncovering the hidden truth behind her origins, with the help of a particular SHIELD agent, before he wound up with an eye-patch and a more cynical point-of-view – yup, it’s a younger, fresher Nick Fury (the incomparable Samuel L. Jackson, digitally de-aged with such skill it’s really just a pure, flesh-and-blood performance). There’s action, thrills, spectacle and (as always with the MCU) pure, skilfully observed, wry humour by the bucket-load, but one of the biggest strengths of the film is the perfectly natural chemistry between the two leads, Larson and Jackson playing off each other BEAUTIFULLY, no hint of romantic tension, just a playfully prickly, banter-rich odd couple vibe that belies a deep, honest respect building between both the characters and, clearly, the actors themselves. There’s also sterling support from Jude Law as Kree warrior Yon-Rogg, Carol’s commander and mentor, Ben Mendelsohn, slick, sly and surprisingly seductive (despite a whole lot of make-up) as Skrull leader Talos, returning MCU-faces Clark Gregg and Lee Pace as rookie SHIELD agent Phil Coulson (another wildly successful de-aging job) and Kree Accuser Ronan, Annette Bening as a mysterious face from Carol’s past and, in particular, Lashana Lynch (Still Star-Crossed, soon to be seen in the next Bond) as Carol’s one-time best friend and fellow Air Force pilot Maria Rambeau, along with the impossible adorable Akira Akbar as her precocious daughter Monica … that said, the film is frequently stolen by a quartet of ginger tabbies who perfectly capture fan-favourite Goose the “cat” (better known to comics fans as Chewie). This is about as great as the MCU standalone films get – for me it’s up there with the Russo’s Captain America films and Black Panther, perfectly pitched and SO MUCH FUN, but with a multilayered, monofilament-sharp intelligence that makes it a more cerebrally satisfying ride than most blockbusters, throwing us a slew of skilfully choreographed twists and narrative curveballs we almost never see coming, and finishing it off with a bucket-load of swaggering style and pure, raw emotional power (the film kicks right off with an incredibly touching, heartfelt tear-jerking tribute to Marvel master Stan Lee). Forget Steve Rogers – THIS is the Captain us MCU fans need AND deserve, and I am SO CHUFFED they got my favourite Avenger so totally, perfectly RIGHT. I can die happy now, I guess …

1. AVENGERS: ENDGAME – the stars have aligned and everything is right with the world – the second half of the ridiculously vast, epic, nerve-shredding and gut-punching MCU saga that began with last year’s Avengers: Infinity War has FINALLY arrived and it’s JUST AS GOOD as its predecessor … maybe even a little bit better, simply by virtue of the fact that (just about) all the soul-crushing loss and upheaval of the first film is resolved here. Opening shortly after the universally cataclysmic repercussions of “the Snap”, the world at large and the surviving Avengers in particular are VERY MUCH on the back foot as they desperately search for a means to reverse the damage wrought by brutally single-minded cosmic megalomaniac Thanos and his Infinity Stone-powered gauntlet – revealing much more dumps so many spoilers it’s criminal to continue, so I’ll simply say that their immediate plan really DOESN’T work out, leaving them worse off than ever. Fast-forward five years and the universe is a very different place, mourning what it’s lost and torn apart by grief-fuelled outbursts, while our heroes in particular are in various, sometimes better, but often much worse places – Bruce Banner/the Hulk (Mark Ruffallo) has found a kind of peace that’s always eluded him before, but Thor (Chris Hemsworth) really is a MESS, while Clint Barton/Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner) has gone to a VERY dark place indeed. Then Ant-Man Scott Lang (Paul Rudd) finds a way back from his forced sojourn in the Quantum Realm, and brings with him a potential solution of a very temporal nature … star directors the Russo Brothers, along with returning screenwriters Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely, have once again crafted a stunning cinematic masterpiece, taking what could have been a bloated, overloaded and simply RIDICULOUS narrative mess and weaving it into a compelling, rich and thoroughly rewarding ride that, despite its THREE HOURS PLUS RUNNING TIME, stays fresh and interesting from start to finish, building on the solid foundations of Infinity War while also forging new ground (narratively speaking, at least) incorporating a wonderfully fresh take on time-travel that pokes gleeful fun at the decidedly clichéd tropes inherent in this particular little sub-genre. In fact this is frequently a simply HILARIOUS film in its own right, largely pulling away from the darker tone of its predecessor by injecting a very strong vein of chaotic humour into proceedings, perfectly tempering the more dramatic turns and epic feels that inevitably crop up, particularly as the stakes continue to rise. Needless to say the entire cast get to shine throughout, particularly those veterans whose own tours of duty in the franchise are coming to a close, and as with Infinity War even the minor characters get at least a few choice moments in the spotlight, especially in the vast, operatic climax where pretty much the ENTIRE MCU cast return for the inevitable final showdown. It’s a masterful affair, handled with skill and deep, earnest respect but also enough irreverence to keep it fun, although in the end it really comes down to those big, fat, heart-crushing emotional FEELS, as we say goodbye to some favourites and see others reach crossroads in their own arcs that send them off in new, interesting directions. Seriously guys, take a lot of tissues, you really will need them. If this were the very last MCU film ever, I’d say it’s a PERFECT piece to go out on – thankfully it’s not, and while it is the end of an era the franchise looks set to go on as strong as ever, safe in the knowledge that there’s plenty more cracking movies on the way so long as Kevin Feige and co continue to employ top-notch talent like this to make their films. Ten years and twenty-two films down, then – here’s to ten and twenty-two more, I say …

#movies 2019 #glass #glass movie #pet sematary #prospect #prospect movie #dragged across concrete #shazam!#alita battle angel #how to train your dragon the hidden world #us #us movie #Captain Marvel #avengers endgame #awesome sauce

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preternatural-fools · 6 years ago

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another silly romance question for the boys because they make my heart happy- how far along into a relationship would the boys say “I love you”/“im in love with you”? How would they go about it? Would it be a casual thing, a prepared thing, or like “oops it accidentally slipped out and now im low key embarrassed” type thing? - chaotic anon🧚🏻‍♀️✨

My heart is,,,,screaming inside my chest, she’s doing the anD IIIIIEEEYIIIIIII ya know fsdfjk

OkAy LADIES N GENTS sbjdskj hold onto your hats this is getting written Kay style which means we OVEREXPLAINING IN THIS HOUSE TONIGHT FOLKS!

Fair warning: Some of this got a little scenario-y, like instead of answering your question, I gave an example via mini scenario? fsdfhsd SorRY

To be honest, I think Tae, Jungkook, and Jimin would be the ones to say it the soonest(is that a word? I don’t know, I don’t care, grammar who?)~~ and those three give me the “I’m in love with you” vibes.

Jungkook would be 100% positive sure (shout out to my friend who says that and got me hooked) that he loved the person before he said it, and it would be within the first like, maybe 3-5 months. But the thing is, he would be sure that he really liked the person before he made a move and even got into the relationship aspect. But in terms of “I love you”, it’s probably more like “This is serious, I can feel it.” around 3, by 4 he’d be like “I love them,” in more of a lighthearted way, love them as a person, but by 5 he would know, ya know? He just KNOWS, that fae intuition, that zap, that soul click, he would know that he loves them with every fiber in his being and he would absolutely say it, blank range, right in the chest, his S/O would do something small or cute and he would get that big, kinda shy grin, his eyes would crinkle, and he would probably reach for their hands or their face and just, “I love you, I’m in love with you.”

Jimin would know, he’s waiting for it, the one, his twin flame. Jimin has done casual dating, but I think when it comes to his S/O, he would know it was serious even before it got serious, he’d say it with confidence because inside he knows they love him too, he can feel it,*Yoongi voice* friggin’ psychics. I think he would want it to be a nice moment, like he would aim for it to come out at the right time, there have been times before where its almost slipped out, but he takes his S/O out one evening, not really on a date, but just “Come out with me?” a good ol’ evening stroll around a park, its dark, no one else is really there, but the stars are and it’s perfect, “You know, there’s a theory that soulmates are people with souls containing stardust from the same star, born from the same constellation, I was always in love with the stars, and perhaps that why I’m in love with you.” (that was nearly too mushy for my own good I think my soul actually left my body but also if someone said that to me I would die on the spot jimin you fucking SAP.)

Tae is an old soul, he’s been around the block before, he knows what love feels like, he know’s what being in love feels like—he also knows what those feelings turning to ash in his hands feels like but that’s a whole different story. He would probably be in denial at first, pushing away the feelings, pushing away the fear, the vulnerability, the fine details, but his heart would ache in his chest because it’s right and he knows it, he feels things more strongly than humans, he would know as soon as it hit what that feeling was and what it means. I think he would be more casual with it, probably happen at home, during the evening, cuddled up on the couch by the fire place, maybe sitting at the piano just messing around, some soft moment like that, but I think in a moment, the mood would switch, and he would lock eyes, that heavy, dark gaze just laced with love, like drowning in warmth, and he would just drop it right then and there, no going back, “I’m in love with you.” (someone collect the pieces of my soul flying out of my chest, I am in shambles)

Now for our other trio, our slightly ,,, detached boys

Yoongi, once the cards fall where they may, ya know; they manage to break down his outer shell of smart ass, sarcastic, ‘I don’t care’ attitude, hurdle over his many attempts at deflecting any type of close bond, and take a jackhammer to that 10 foot concrete wall standing between them, him, and his feelings—it’ll still be a little delayed. Because now he let them in, he feels strongly about them, he cares a lot about them, and he’s terrified. (the dress on the wall hanging behind me just reflected in my screen and I about shit my pants just now thinking someone was standing behind me, just wanted to add that and let you know feusdf). He doesn’t want to ruin it, he doesn’t want to lose it, but he’s scared to progress, this is basically uncharted territory for him, he’s never been in love, he’s never allowed himself to have such vulnerable feelings. He would know how he feels, Tae would probably call him out on it, lecture him, talk him up, and try to nudge Yoongi into being honest with himself and his S/O but still Yoongi would be a nervous wreck, poor kid. He would see the opportunity and stumble into it head first, probably in a cute moment (?) where they’re just like existing an doing something together, I dunno why but the scene of them cooking came to mind, Yoongi likes to cook, he’d let them cook with him, they’d be cooking and in a moment, maybe his S/O asks him a cooking related question about a recipe, he comes over to look at the book, his S/O looks up at him to have him confirm what the book says, and as soon as they make eye contact, he crumbles, and it’s a rush of “iloveyou” and he sucks in a breath like he’s trying to take the words back in, but it’s too late, they heard it, and he’s so relieved when they say it back that he feels like his knees might give out. (ouch my soul I rllydkasf dsf OH MY GOD I love him holy SHIT)

Hoseok, my baby, he’s such a lovely little thing, but he’s afraid of his own feelings. He would probably develop feelings for this person through friendship first and once he realizes it he would be like ‘oh no oh no oh no ohnoohno’, he doesn’t want to ruin the friendship, he doesn’t want to acknowledge the feelings, he doesn’t want to make himself vulnerable, but every time he would look at them his chest would swell with two feelings; complete adoration and aching devastation. He adores them, loves their soul, their smile, the way the laugh, the way he feels with them, and it hurts because he feels all of this and he hates it, he loves them, but he can’t do that, no, no, they couldn’t love someone like him, he doesn’t deserve it, he’s broken, he’s different. And so he starts to distant himself, he wants out, he doesn’t like it anymore, his soul screams because the heart wants what it wants but he’s denying it that, and so that screaming begins to override that adoration and he starts to hate the fact he’s ruining it for himself. I feel like there would need to be an intervention, probably Jimin, says something to the other person, encourages them to go see Hoseok, go push him to tell them why he’s acting funky. And it comes out, along with some tears, he faces them, himself, his feelings, and it overwhelms him, and he cracks, but it works out and he’s shocked when the feelings are reciprocated. He learns how to love.

Namjoon, firstly, he’s married to his education and having an affair with his job, he’s a busy man, he doesn’t really have time to be in the dating scene or the getting close to people scene. But maybe he has a fellow student he gets close with, or a coworker, and it tumbles along from there. He’s intelligent, and emotionally intelligent, he’s pretty good as expressing himself and articulating himself, he’s good at gauging other people’s feelings, however, he’s a little dense and totally misses when people hit on him, but other than that—he’s solid. However, there’s one little thing stopping him, the skeleton in the closet, or should I say the animal in the closet. He has a hard enough time living with his full moon antics, he doesn’t want to introduce that to someone else, he doesn’t even know how to go about it, how do you tell someone “Yeah by the way, I need to disappear once a month, specifically on the full moon,” without them getting suspicious, he certainly couldn’t tell them, no, no, that wouldn’t go well, even if they did believe him, which is slim to none, it’s completely insane. But I think once he get’s comfortable with someone, he would certainly drop “I love you” before popping the werewolf card on them, but once he realizes how he feels, he would start to gauge how they feel, test the waters, watch how they act and what they say, to see if he can say it without getting shot down or seem like he’s moving too fast. He wants it to be naturally, he doesn’t want it to be over some dinner or something too staged, I think he would say it when he feels it. Maybe one day before he goes to disappear to work or whatever, keeps it causal, even though his heart is beating out of his chest, he’d kiss them on the cheek, “I’ll see you later, I love you.” And probably give a cheeky grin, but as soon as the door shuts, he scurries along, trying to distance himself from the apartment, and when he hears the door open up behind him he almost doesn’t stop, until he hears it back, and he’s sure he’s the happiest man alive in that moment.

But the casual theme here is that they would all want it to be relatively naturally, they don’t want something entirely staged or overdone.

Excuse me while I go curl up into a ball and DIE fedsjfkdjsfk

#asks #chaotic anon #ghoul gang #tagged; for future ref

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millennial-medusa · 6 years ago

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Help Me Piece It All Together, Darling

This was just supposed to be a little Jasiper drabble for my Baseball AU, but I love these two so much and it got away from me and, well...here’s 11k words of them being idiots and honestly barely any baseball. It is absolutely as cheesy as it sounds.

This is set their sophomore year, so earlier than the other fics I’ve written for this au.

Jason x Piper, rated T, read on ao3

Jason Grace might just be the death of her.

She’d thought he was attractive as soon as she’d started going to baseball games last year and spotted him from the stands. She’d thought he was gorgeous when she’d approached him at that bar a few months ago, the couple drinks in her system giving her the courage to toss her hair and tease him a little, the resulting blush across his cheeks and the electric blue of his eyes weakening her knees.

But now, sitting in the library watching him help Leo through a research paper with all the patience and kindness and—yes, she’d admit it, grace, no pun intended—of a seasoned kindergarten teacher, she was positive he was the most beautiful person she’d ever met.

And this was a problem.

It was a problem because Piper, despite being a decent flirt when she wanted to be, had absolutely zero skills in terms of getting a guy to date her. She’d had her fair share of one night stands and casual hookups, but those were easy; the kind of guys that were willing to do one night stands were willing to do them with anyone decently attractive and emotionally detached. Piper checked those boxes pretty well, minimal work required.

But Jason wasn’t one of those guys. The more time she spent with him, the more obvious it was that he was the kind of guy to hold open doors and only kiss on the third date and ask for a lady’s favor before going to fight a dragon for her hand because he was literally a knight in shining armor, and it sucked because Piper was pretty sure she was the scullery maid in that scenario. Or the evil step-sister. Or the dragon.

(Okay, she reasoned, she wasn’t that bad. She wasn’t evil. Just hopeless and delusional. One of the nameless court ladies who swooned at a glance from the knight, but was overlooked in favor of the lovely and virtuous princess he would live happily ever after with.)

So a crush on Jason was a terrible, awful, absolutely horrendous idea, but for some reason her heart didn’t get the message her brain was so desperately signaling to it with red flags and emergency flares, because it kept picking up speed with every blindingly white smile he sent her from across the table.

(What had she just been saying about swooning?)

“But I say right there what it’s about,” Leo was complaining, gesturing to his laptop screen.

“No, that’s your topic sentence for that paragraph,” Jason explained. He ran a hand through his already mussed hair.

Piper wanted to run her own hands through it, tugging on the blonde locks while her tongue explored his mouth.

“Isn’t that what a topic sentence is supposed to do?”

“Yes, but you don’t have a thesis. Or an introduction.”

“Why would I need one of those when you made me write that abstract thing that explained the whole paper anyway? I still maintain that invalidates even needing to write a paper, by the way.”

“Leo, have you ever written an essay in your life?”

Leo’s eyes darted to Piper’s, and twin smiles stretched slowly across their faces.

“Oh yeah,” Leo answered, turning back to Jason. “I’ve written tons, and they were fantastic. Totally winners.”

Piper bit back a laugh. “Honestly, Leo’s written some of the finest essays of our generation. I’m incredibly proud of my—ah, of his work,” she added.

Jason’s brow furrowed—in a non-totally adorable and distracting way, of course—as he glanced back and forth between the two of them.

“Leo,” he repeated slowly, fixing him with a stern gaze, “have you ever written an essay in your life?”

“Define ‘written.’”

“Are you serious?” Jason’s eyebrows hit his hairline, and Piper didn’t bother to hold back her laughter. “How did you get through high school? How did you get through all of last year?”

Leo grinned over at him. “Wilderness school didn’t assign too many essays, and when they did, they didn’t read them closely enough to realize the similarities in Piper’s and my writing styles.”

Jason’s eyes widened before landing on Piper. “You—you wrote his essays for him? For all of high school?”

Piper shrugged. “Like he said, there weren’t that many to write. Besides, I can knock out a three page paper in less than an hour, and Leo did lots of my math assignments to pay me back.”

“Yes, she drove a hard bargain, but every equation was worth it to not have to analyze Jane Eyre," Leo sighed.

“What can I say? The rates are high, but I provide excellent customer service.”

“Absolutely. I’d give you four stars on yelp.”

“Only four? That rhetorical analysis of Mark Antony’s speech got you a 98!”

“Sure, the quality is great, but your options are limited. You’re not writing this essay, for example.”

“You’re right, the uses of obscure elements is a little out of my scope of provided services. That’s what you get for taking chemistry.”

“What good are you comm majors if you can’t even write my essays for me?”

“You committed plagiarism for four years and got away with it?” Jason interrupted with a harsh whisper.

“Relax, Sparky, the teachers didn’t care what we did as long as we sat quietly,” Piper laughed.

“Which, naturally, we always did,” Leo added. “We’re both known for our ability to sit in silence and behave just like we should.”

Jason shook his head. “I have no idea how I ended up with the two of you for friends.”

“Aww c’mon, you know you love us,” Leo crooned.

Jason chuckled and adjusted his glasses. “You’re lucky I do. I would not risk having ‘aiding and abetting criminals’ on my record for anybody else.”

With that, the air shifted. Piper felt her stomach drop, and her eyes met Leo’s again, but this time the knowledge that passed between them was not of an inside joke. The laughter had disappeared from their expressions, and Jason noticed.

“Guys?” he asked tentatively, glancing between the two of them nervously before landing on Piper. “Is everything okay? Did I say someth—”

“So I don’t have a thesis,” Leo interrupted, “what is that, exactly?”

Jason was still studying Piper, who was avoiding his gaze. She could feel his eyes, all too perceptive, roaming over her drawn face and tensed shoulders, but she focused resolutely on the textbook in front of her.

“Your thesis statement sums up your argument and the key points you’re using to prove it,” she spoke up, her gaze trained on Leo now. “It’s like, a shortened version of the back of a book. Or a highlights reel. Or a movie trailer.”

Leo looked back at her blankly. “So…another thing that sums up the whole paper. Why do I have to write the whole paper if I can prove it in one sentence?”

Piper rolled her eyes, but, to his credit, Jason managed a small smile. “It doesn’t prove your claim, it just gives a little preview of how you’re going to prove it. It gives the reader an idea of what to expect,” he explained, far more patiently than Piper ever could have. She was good with words, but even Leo exceeded her patience at times like these.

Jason was just so good. Piper couldn’t think of anybody deserving of him, especially not herself.

Her heart ached.

Over the past three months, Jason had fit seamlessly into Leo and Piper’s lives, clicking instantly. She and Jason were easy friends in their own right, getting pizza together or hanging out in the apartment when Leo was out. Of course, she’d befriended Percy, Annabeth, and many of the other team members and their assorted friends in the same amount of time, but her connection to Jason was just…different, somehow. And not just because she was perilously close to falling in love with him already.

Leo would always be Piper’s best friend—they’d been through so much together that losing him wasn’t even a possibility to Piper, they were stuck with each other for life—but Jason, even after only three months, was already a close second. After their initial meeting of tipsy flirting, they’d bonded quickly over their shared love of baseball and Disney movies.

So now Piper knew just how kind and genuine of a person he really was. She also knew how much of a disaster she was, and how much he didn’t deserve to have to put up with that.

So she suffered in silence, hoping her little crush would go away painlessly and soon. The way her stomach flipped when Jason glanced over at her again, his eyes still slightly apprehensive, seemed to insist she would not be getting an easy out.

When she tuned back into the boys’ conversation, Jason was asking Leo when the paper was due.

“Tomorrow?” he yelped at Leo’s answer. “And you waited until now to ask for my help? Leo, you have six more pages to write, we’re gonna be here all night!”

“Nice rhyme, Dr. Seuss,” Leo teased, but at the look Jason gave him, he ducked his head guiltily. “I know, honestly I didn’t think writing a dumb essay would take that long,” he mumbled. “You guys can go home if you want, it’s pretty late and finals are in a few days and I’m sure I can figure this out—”

Piper just snorted. “Not going anywhere, Valdez. We’re a team.”

“She’s right,” Jason chimed in, patting Leo lightly on the shoulder. “I meant it when I said I’d help. If we have to stay until the paper is due, then that’s what we’re gonna do.”

Leo smiled at both of them, and they went back to work.

—

Three hours later, Piper felt her eyelids drooping. It was only 10 PM, but she'd had gotten up early and worked all day, so she could already tell staying up with Leo was gonna be rough. The boys, she noted, were looking a little frazzled too, so she stood and told them she was going on a coffee run.

Jason frowned. “It’s late, Pipes, are you sure you should be walking across campus alone?”

Warmth spread through her at his concern, but she shrugged it off and her jacket on. “I’m a tough girl, I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

Jason opened his mouth to protest, but Leo cut him off. “Just go with her, Jason, I need some time alone anyway.”

Piper nodded at Jason’s questioning glance, but she glared daggers at Leo when Jason turned to grab his coat. Leo just gave her a shit eating grin; he’d picked up on Piper’s crush early on and frequently found excuses to leave them alone together.

A few moments later, Piper and Jason were walking out into a wall of freezing December air that had Piper tugging her coat around her and wishing she could cuddle up to Jason. Strictly to conserve heat, naturally.

They chatted easily as they walked to a small coffee shop about five minutes away, the only one on campus open 24 hours.

“Are your finals bad?” Jason asked, his words a puff of steam in the frigid air.

Piper shook her head and buried her hands deeper in her pockets. “Nah. My media law final is the only one I’m really worried about, but I think I’ll do okay. What about yours? Is that political theory stuff still giving you trouble?”

“I’ve been studying for it, so I think I’ll be okay,” he shrugged.

“I wish I had the self discipline to already be studying for finals,” Piper grumbled. “I can’t get myself to study before the last minute.”

Jason laughed at her sullen expression. “You just need the right motivation, like a reward or a study buddy.”

“You offering?” She caught his eye and smirked; Jason blushed a pretty shade of pink that spread down his neck and disappeared beneath the collar of his peacoat. Piper found herself wishing she could see just how far down that blush travelled.

“Yeah—I mean, if you wanted,” Jason stammered, looking hurriedly away from her.

Piper cringed inwardly; she hadn’t meant to embarrass or pressure him. But she had to admit, having someone to make her study would be helpful—Leo was no help at all and Annabeth had her hands full with Percy—and she couldn’t bring herself to say no to spending time with Jason, even if she should for her own sake.

“I’d like that,” she found herself saying, and his resulting smile was so bright she forgot all about the awkwardness of the previous moment. His teeth were so perfect and straight, he could’ve done toothpaste commercials, she noted. And his lips—well, Piper had spent plenty of time thinking about them already; they were a little thin and a little chapped, but they were so frequently pulled into a smile and looked so inviting she knew she wouldn’t mind the roughness if they were working with her own. She wanted to bite the scar on his upper lip—where had it come from? She’d have to ask him sometime.

Her eyes traveled upward then, following the gentle slope of his nose to his bright blue eyes. Piper usually preferred brown, like her own, but Jason’s were so genuinely captivating, fringed with long, blonde lashes, that she longed to drown herself in them.

That thought snapped her out of her haze: she wasn’t this much of a fucking sap, and she couldn’t afford to be thinking things that sounded like they were written by a lovesick thirteen year old. She couldn’t take her eyes off his, though, and she noted the way they dropped to her mouth as her tongue darted out to wet her lips.

He was looking at her mouth. And his eyes were different somehow—darker? Or maybe that was just the shadowy lighting, but either way he was definitely staring at her mouth and either he was going to stop and kiss her or she had something stuck in her teeth. She really hoped it was the former, because they’d gotten so close their arms were touching as they walked and his eyes were flitting up to her own and back down again, and Piper prayed, oh she prayed that she was right because she was leaning forward now so there was no going back and—

Unfortunately, staring prolongedly at a boy who probably wasn’t even into her meant that Piper didn’t notice the patch of ice she was walking towards.

She shrieked as her feet slid out from under her, the dark pavement suddenly racing towards her. She braced for impact, but instead of freezing concrete to the nose, she felt a pair of strong arms wrapped around her waist and hauling her back to her feet.

Before she could fully process what was happening she found herself pressed entirely up against Jason’s front, his arms securely around her waist and his wide eyes blinking down at her from behind his glasses. Her hands settled on his chest as they stared at each other, and then slid down to grip his forearms. Neither his hands nor his gaze shifted.

Piper swallowed hard before noting just how nice his arms felt, even through his coat. All those workouts and baseball practices had really paid off.

Jason’s cheeks were stained crimson again—he blushed a lot, and Piper adored it—but he started laughing.

“Yeah, uh, I guess they have,” he said. Suddenly his eyes went wide. “Not—not that you’re heavy, or anything. Because you aren’t. I mean, you’re like, average weight I assume? For a girl your height? I don’t really know, I haven’t caught very many people—”

Piper was mortified her comment had been spoken aloud, but thankfully Jason’s own stammering had shifted the focus off of her.

“What?” she asked, cutting him off with a raised eyebrow. “You mean to tell me you don’t regularly swoop in and catch people? And here I thought you were some kind of blonde Superman. It’s kind of a let down that you don’t save the day all the time.”

Jason grinned, a little sheepishly, but without most of the previous nervousness. “Haven’t noticed too many people falling.”

Piper’s heart hammered in her chest, and surely he could feel it with the way they were still pressed together. Then you must be blind, she wanted to say.

Instead, she stepped back, letting his arms fall away from her. She instantly felt the chill seep into her as though she weren’t even wearing a coat.

“Guess it’s just me, then,” she quipped, tossing him a smile as they headed toward the coffee shop again. They were nearly there. “Figures, I’m pretty clumsy.”

A small smile appeared on Jason’s face at that. Piper saw him attempt to subtlety lengthen his strides—attempt being the key word, because it wasn’t subtle at all—and reached the door first, just in time to open it for her, ever the perfect gentleman. “Hey, every princess needs a little saving now and then,” he said.

This time, Piper was the one blushing.

—

Piper McLean was going to be the death of him, he was sure of it.

Jason had never been great with girls. He knew there had been girls who’d liked him in the past, definitely more than a few who’d flirted with him, but he never had much interest. The only relationship he’d ever had was with Reyna in high school, and that had been short lived; Jason cared about her deeply but not romantically, and Reyna…well. Reyna had ended up dating his older sister.

Where was he going with that? Oh, he was bad with girls. Right.

So when he’d seen Piper across that bar in September, he’d nearly panicked. She was gorgeous, looking him up and down with eyes that were shifting color, and she seemed to approve of what she saw, but Jason couldn’t flirt to save his life when he was sober, let alone several drinks in. Luckily she’d been about as drunk as he had, so she hadn’t minded his inability to keep up with her.

Since that night, Jason couldn’t get her out of his head. She was beautiful and brilliant and funny, and they just matched. The more time he spent with her, the harder he fell, and he knew it would end badly because she was clearly out of his league—but that didn’t stop him.

Being around her and knowing she would never be interested in him was torture, but if it meant he could make her laugh and watch her re-braid her hair and listen to the little songs she made up under her breath when she thought he couldn’t hear, then he’d gladly suffer every day of his life.

They’d gotten the coffee and headed back to the library after the rather embarrassing incident outside the shop (he wanted to die a little remembering how he’d basically called her heavy, and that he’d stood there and not let her go like some kind of clingy creeper. It was worth it to get to hold her like that—it just felt right—but still. And had he really called her a princess in need of saving? As if Piper needed him to save her. Piper was more like a badass queen who slew her own dragons, so Jason really had no idea what had possessed him to make that comment).

In any case, they’d made it through the rest of the night without any more awkward moments, and now, at nearly 4 AM, Leo was finishing up his paper. Jason’s eyelids had been drooping for the past hour even with the enormous amount of coffee he drank, and Piper had slumped forward and fell asleep on her arms some time ago. Leo, however, somehow managed to maintain his ridiculously high energy levels, which struck Jason as a little concerning. Did he ever sleep?

“Okay,” he was saying now, his fingers flitting frantically over the keyboard, “what if I shifted this quote down here, and I could add something up here about the chemical bonding process?”

Jason shook his head to wake himself up. It didn’t work. “Uh, yeah, if you’ve got more to say about…about uh, chemical bonding, I say go for it, man.”

He looked over at Piper. One of her arms was extended across the table in front of her, and the other was bent next to it. Her head rested on them at an angle that didn’t look comfortable to Jason, but either didn’t bother Piper or the discomfort was outweighed by her exhaustion. Her hair was a mess, thrown across her shoulders and sticking to her face. Jason’s fingers twitched on the table, wanting to brush it back.

Even when she was messy and undone and practically drooling onto her oversized flannel, Piper still made Jason’s heart skip a beat. It wasn’t that she was traditionally beautiful at all times (because that was just unrealistic), but she was her own kind of beautiful, and it was the most breathtaking kind Jason had ever seen.

He must have been staring, because Leo nudged his shoulder and shot him a knowing grin that heated Jason’s cheeks. “I’ve got this covered here, if you wanna take Piper to bed.”

Jason’s face went full red at that. “What? I-I wouldn’t—she’s, I mean that’s not really—”

And then Leo was laughing, laughing way too loudly for four in the morning. “Relax, Grace, I just meant take her back to our place. This is basically all written, but I’ll probably stay a couple more hours to finish editing and then print it and turn it in while I’m up, so I’m not gonna be able to take her back. And I don’t…I don’t like her walking alone at night, even if she says she can,” he added quietly, suddenly more serious. Jason nodded in agreement. The idea of Piper going out alone at night on a college campus made his stomach turn. He knew how a lot of guys their age could be and wouldn’t put it past them to try something, as horrible as that was.

And the thought of one of them trying something with Piper made him want to punch someone’s teeth out.

“You sure you’re okay here?” he asked. “I can stay if you need more help.”

Leo shook his head. “I’m good now. But listen…thanks. I know this isn’t your ideal Saturday night, so, um, thank you.” He kept his gaze down, fiddling with his fingers like he always did, but this time it seemed more…agitated?

Nervous, Jason realized.

He gripped Leo’s shoulder tightly until the other boy met his gaze. “Remember what Piper said about us being a team? That includes me now, and I’ve always got your back, Leo.”

A grin lit up Leo’s face, and he shoved the hand off his shoulder playfully. “Welcome to Team Valdez and the Crew, then!”

“That name needs a little work.”

“What are you talking about? It’s perfect!”

“I somehow doubt Piper signed off on it, and I may be late to the game but I know I hold some kind of veto power.”

“Fine, we can workshop it. Later. Right now you need to get the beauty queen home, because if she stays like that any longer I’m pretty sure her arm is gonna lose blood flow.”

Jason chuckled and moved to Piper, trying to gently wake her. It took a few tries—wow, she was a deep sleeper—but eventually she stirred.

“Hmm? Jason?” Her eyes blinked in the fluorescent lights of the library, and closed again.

“Yeah, Pipes, it’s me,” he reassured quietly. “Come on, let’s get your coat on.”

“Coat?”

“Yep, I’m gonna get you home.”

“Oh. ‘S cold outside.” Jason had to keep himself from laughing at her slurred words. Half awake was as good as he was going to get, he supposed, but damn, it was too adorable for him to mind.

“Yep, that’s what the coat’s for.”

“Where’s—” she yawned dramatically— “where’s m’purse?”

“On your shoulder.”

“…oh. Hmm.”

Piper’s eyes were barely open, and he honestly didn’t trust her to not walk into a wall or something, so Jason hesitantly wrapped his arm behind her waist, gripping her hip to keep her pressed to his side. She immediately nuzzled into the crook of his shoulder and sighed, and Jason’s brain sort of broke for a moment. He stared down at the top of her head, his heart pounding.

That doesn’t mean anything, he told himself. Pull it together, man. She’s basically asleep. She doesn’t know what she’s doing.

So he shook his head in an attempt to clear it and started to steer her to the exit.

“Grace!”

Jason turned back a little to half face Leo. “Yeah?”

“Be careful with her. She’s more fragile than she looks.” The normal teasing lilt to his voice was there, but his eyes were serious, piercing into his own with purpose.

Jason nodded solemnly. He knew Leo meant more than just to be careful tonight, though he wasn’t sure exactly what he intended beyond that. What Jason did know is that he would never hurt Piper.

Besides, his own heart seemed much more at risk than hers.

—

Jason was living in a dorm this year and didn’t have a car, but luckily Piper and Leo’s apartment was only a short walk from campus. Plus, the longer they walked, the longer Piper was wrapped up in his arm, pressed against his side and nuzzling into him like a kitten.

By the time they reached her apartment building, the chill and the walk had woken Piper up some, and she was a bit more conscious of what was going on, but Jason noted giddily that she made no attempt to move away from him. In fact, she may have even pushed closer, but that could have been his imagination. Besides, it was probably just because it was below freezing and she wasn’t completely awake.

(He really didn’t mind.)

Finally he had to release her so she could kick off her shoes and shrug her coat off and fall into bed. He felt colder without her, and almost…hollow, like something was missing where she had been? But that was just silly. They were just friends, and he was fine with that. He had to be.

“Okay, well if you’re good I’m gonna—” he gestured towards her door, starting to leave, but her soft voice calling his name stopped him in his tracks.

“Just crash here,” she said sleepily, her eyes barely open. “It’s late.”

“Only if you don’t mind,” he said, but he was praying she would insist because it was freezing, and his dorm was on the other side of campus, and he was almost as exhausted as she was.

“‘Course not.” She yawned again, and her eyes drifted shut. “C’mere.”

Jason blinked, confused. “Um, I’ll just sleep on the couch, Pipes,” he tried to explain, but even in her mostly-asleep state she was pushy.

“Couch is lumpy and I want you to stay here,” she insisted, though her slurred words made her a little less intimidating than usual.

Still, Jason hesitated. She was so tired she was practically drunk, she could not be thinking straight. She’d probably wake up tomorrow and wonder what was wrong with him that he didn’t ignore her.

“C’mon, Sparky, I’m cold,” she pleaded, and when he glanced back at her, her eyes were open and clear. “Please?”

As Jason toed off his sneakers, draped his coat over her desk chair, set his glasses carefully aside, and crawled into bed beside her, he was cursing himself for being so weak for this woman. He knew he’d regret it tomorrow, but, well…he just couldn’t say no to her.

—

Piper woke suddenly. She sat up and glanced around blearily, trying to find what had woken her up. Her eyes landed on her clock. It was 7:28 on a Sunday morning, why the hell—

A noise came from beside her, a kind of strangled yelp, and she jumped. Jason was lying in her bed—Jason was lying in her bed, oh, God—Jason was lying in her bed—and he was shaking, a thin sheen of sweat glistening on his frowning forehead. His chest was heaving, and Piper realized with a clench of her heart that he was having a nightmare.

She placed a hand on his chest, feeling his erratic heartbeat beneath her fingers. Then she shook him gently, trying to wake him up.

“Jason,” she whispered, repeating it louder when he didn’t stir.

Suddenly he jolted awake, gasping, his eyes glancing about the room frantically before landing on her face and softening.

“Piper?” he croaked.

“Yeah, Jason, it’s me,” she answered softly, unthinkingly combing his hair back from his forehead. He leaned into her touch and her heart nearly stopped. What was she doing? It had been stupid of her to ask him to stay; he would’ve been fine on the couch.

He seemed to notice something was off, and he coughed awkwardly as he sat up. “I should go,” he muttered, not meeting her eyes. “I-I shouldn’t have stayed, I’m sorry, you were basically asleep, you—”

“I asked you to stay, and I meant it,” she insisted. It was the truth, even if she was kicking herself now for practically forcing herself on him. He paused and wiped the sweat from his brow. Together, they waited in silence for something Piper couldn’t name.

“What was it about?” she asked hesitantly. Her voice was small and cautious. “The dream.”

Jason’s head lifted and their eyes met, sparks lighting up Piper’s spine. Her nickname for him was more accurate than he realized.

But he hesitated, and Piper rushed to add, “If you don’t wanna talk about it that’s fine, I shouldn’t have pried, I just thought maybe—”

“My mom,” he answered quietly. “My real mom. She—well, she was an alcoholic, so Thalia and I got taken away from her when I was really little. I barely remember her, just bits of memories here and there. I was only two, so...I found out later my dad is some politician, barely even knew we existed, and his wife hated us so she made sure they didn’t have to take us. We were put into foster care, different families. Took us years to find each other again.”

His gaze hadn’t wavered from hers, and Piper could see the pain in his eyes. She hadn’t meant to make him relive something that hurt so much, she hadn’t realized.

“Jason,” she breathed, her hand finding his. He gripped it hard.

“She died,” he said, his eyes finally dropping from hers to settle on their hands. “Went sort of crazy and drank herself to death a couple years after we were taken away. I only found out years later, when Thalia told me. I never…I didn’t get to see her again.”

His hand was shaking in hers, so Piper squeezed harder. Minutes ticked by in silence, and she wasn’t sure how else to comfort him. There was nothing she could think to say to make him feel better, and it didn’t feel right to try to brush past what he’d just admitted to her. He’d opened up a huge part of himself to her.

Maybe that called for her to do the same.

“I never knew my mom,” she said finally. Jason glanced up at her earnestly, questioningly. She took a shaky breath and continued, “My dad’s a movie star and all so I guess it could be pretty much anyone, but he never talks about her and shuts down when I ask, so I gave up on trying a long time ago. He was never really around either though, with his film schedule and press stuff. He tried, for a while anyway, when I was little. He used to come home more often and take me to the beach, but I was always a difficult kid and pretty soon it was visits for a day every couple weeks when he could make the time to fly out and see me. Pretty sure he didn’t even want a kid, but he was stuck with me.”

Jason was watching her, studying her face openly, but she couldn’t meet his gaze. Instead she focused on their entwined hands, as he had done. Her fingers played with his as she talked, and she took comfort in the fact that he let her.

“Anyway, Leo and I met in middle school and he got me through it. His mom was really sweet to me, way nicer than the nanny my dad hired to watch me most of the time. That’s around the time I…I started acting out? You know, doing stupid stuff to get my dad to pay attention to me, even if it was just to scold me or whatever. Leo was happy to help, and after his mom died and he got stuck with his awful relatives it just got worse, and we probably spent most of our time in detention. It wasn’t enough for me, though, and it kept escalating, and I—I was in a really bad place, but my sophomore year I got caught shoplifting some clothes.”

She paused to look up at him, expecting to see judgement written across his face, but she found only the same earnest expression as before.

“It was dumb, and my dad’s lawyers got me off without anything on my record somehow, but I finally got my dad’s full attention. He flew all the way home just to chew me out.” She laughed a little at the absurdity. “It was really bad, and the next week I was at wilderness school, which was like this boarding school for troubled kids out in the middle of some bumblefuck Nevada desert.”

“Shit, Piper,” Jason said, “I’m sorry.”

Piper waved him off. “Please, even the racial slurs those kids threw at me is nothing compared to what you just told me, and Leo acted up enough to end up out there with me, so it wasn’t the end of the world. I just thought I should be honest.”

Jason frowned. “You don’t owe me anything. I told you that stuff because I wanted to, Pipes. I trust you.”

“I know. I trust you too,” she answered, squeezing his hand. “So now that we’ve agreed that parents are shitty, wanna go back to sleep for a few hours?” She forced a smile and hoped he would miss the tension behind it.

He studied her a moment longer, but finally relented with a nod. Together they lay back down in Piper’s bed and drifted back into sleep.

Piper smiled to herself at the realization that they were still holding hands.

—

The second time Jason woke that morning was not to Piper’s voice calling him out of a nightmare, but to her hair in his mouth and Leo’s loud laughter, which was somewhat less pleasant.

Apparently they had shifted over the last few hours so they were no longer holding hands; rather, Piper was stretched out face down on top of him, one leg slung over his hips and her head nestled on his chest, hence the aforementioned hair in his mouth. Jason had instinctually wrapped his arms around her, and he thanked every deity he could think of that there was no morning…issue to deal with. The situation was embarrassing enough without it.

He stared down at her as she came to, blinking confusedly in the morning light before meeting his eyes. She seemed to realize where she was then and shot up, Jason’s arms jerking back immediately.

Leo laughed again from the doorway, wiping tears from his eyes. “Jason, man, I told you I didn’t mean it literally when I said take her to bed!” he was giggling, and Jason felt his face flush brightly.

He was gonna kill him.

“Leo, get out of my room before I murder you,” Piper snapped from behind her hands covering her face.

Never mind, Piper had it handled.

Leo did as she asked, but not before blowing them each a kiss and winking at Jason.

The pause that followed was tense, unsurprisingly.

“Piper,” he started, but she interrupted him.

“I’m sorry, I was asleep so obviously I didn’t really know what I was doing,” she rushed, sliding out of bed and hurrying around her room, searching the clutter until she found a hair tie to braid her hair back with as she talked. “I wouldn’t have—I mean, I shouldn’t have made you stay. Sorry.”

Jason grit his teeth. There was the rejection he’d been anticipating since last night. It hurt more than he'd expected, but it was his own fault. He'd known the risks. He should’ve just slept on the couch. He should’ve kept quiet about his mom. He should’ve stopped her, told her he wasn’t trying to pressure her into talking, into anything.

He should’ve known better.

“No, I’m sorry,” he muttered, trying to mask the hurt on his face and bending to put his shoes on. “I appreciate you letting me stay. I’m gonna head out.”

She may have nodded, or maybe she didn’t answer, or maybe she watched him go. He wasn’t sure, he walked out and didn’t look back.

—

Piper didn’t hear from him for the next several days, and kicked herself every time she checked her phone hoping to see a message from him. Of course he isn’t gonna text you, she chided, you basically told him you regretted letting him stay over right after he poured his heart out to you, and you were cuddling with him when he woke up. You’ll be lucky if he talks to you again.

So Piper went to Annabeth, the only person she’d actually told about her feelings for Jason, unsure of what exactly she was hoping for.

What she got was a frown over the carton of ice cream they were sharing.

“You’re taking all the cookie dough chunks,” Annabeth complained.

“No I’m not. Focus on the real issue here!”

“The issue of you not telling Jason how you feel? Because that’s the real issue.”

Piper rolled her eyes; they’d had this exact conversation about a million times already. “There’s no reason to ruin the friendship we’ve got because my stupid feelings got in the way.”

“You seem to think you’ve already ruined it,” Annabeth pointed out, nudging Piper’s spoon away from another chunk of cookie dough.

“It’s been three days, what am I supposed to think?”

“Maybe he got busy?” Annabeth suggested. “Maybe his phone got broken or lost, maybe he thought you didn’t want to hear from him. Have you tried texting him?”

Piper bit her lip and focused very hard on getting a decent spoonful of ice cream.

“You haven’t even tried texting him. Of course not. Piper, I thought you were good with guys!”

“I am!” she insisted. “Guys that I wanna sleep with and then never see again, or that I want to flirt with and not have to worry about their feelings. But Jason is all perfect and handsome and sweet and suddenly my brain feels like it’s been zapped by lightning.”

Annabeth raised an eyebrow. “Well he probably thinks you don’t want to hear from him and is agonizing over why you haven’t texted him.”

Piper perked up a little at that. “You think so?”

“I don’t know, Percy said he was really off Monday but seems mostly fine now, just distracted. Sounds like it could have something to do with why he hasn’t said anything.”

Piper chewed on her lower lip, mulling the possibilities over. Either he was distracted by what had happened Sunday—though she hoped that wasn’t the case—or something else had happened and that was keeping him preoccupied. She just had to figure out what was bothering him, and then maybe things could go back to normal.

“So you think I should text him?”

Annabeth sighed. “Honestly? I think you should both wake up and realize you’re obviously head over heels for each other. But since neither of you is going to admit it apparently, yes, I think you should text him before it gets weird.”

Piper grinned and snagged a hunk of dough before pulling out her phone.

hey, she typed. Very eloquent. Definitely summed up the “please talk to me I’m really sorry and I miss you also I might be falling in love with you” sentiment she was going for.

But, having nothing else she could think to say, Piper pressed send and waited.

She didn’t have to wait long. Less than a minute later, her phone buzzed with an answering, Hey!! from him. Piper grinned, just as another message followed: What’s up?

“He answer?” Annabeth asked around the spoon in her mouth.

Piper nodded as her fingers flew across the keyboard. just haven’t heard from you in a few days, everything ok?

Yeah everything is fine, I’ve just been busy. he answered. Piper smiled at his perfect grammar. She’d tried to explain to him once that he didn’t need to worry about that with her, but he’d furrowed his brow and asked why she wouldn’t want the same consideration he gave to everyone else. She’d laughed at his seriousness and let the issue drop. She glanced down when her phone buzzed again. Are you still in need of a study buddy?

Only if it’s you, she shot back. It was a little risky, but she figured it was just a casual friendly remark. No hidden truths to be found anywhere.

Her anxiety mounted a little when the three dots showed up at the bottom of the screen and then disappeared. Was that the wrong thing to say? Had that sent her crashing through the thin ice she’d been standing on with him and right into hot water?

But no, his answer was simply, Tomorrow, 7 PM at the library? and she breathed a sigh of relief.

make it the coffee shop and you’ve got a deal

Sounds good. See you then.

Piper grinned giddily down at the screen. Everything was okay, and their friendship was intact.

She looked up to see Annabeth smirking at her from the other side of the couch.

“Shut up,” Piper muttered. Annabeth only shrugged and returned to the ice cream.

—

The “study date”, as Percy and Leo insisted on calling it, went smoothly, much to Jason’s relief. He’d panicked after not hearing from Piper for so long, thinking that either his storming out or the waking up cuddling incident had upset her, so getting a text from her was a huge weight off his shoulders. He focused on everything, including baseball, a little better when he was on good terms with her. It was dangerous, he knew; he couldn’t afford to let every disagreement with a girl he’d only known a few months throw him off his game, but he couldn’t exactly help it. He’d just have to settle for keeping her happy. (Luckily for him, keeping Piper happy was becoming a top priority at an alarming rate. Or…perhaps that was unluckily.)

Things had just about returned to normal between the two of them, and they hung like nothing had changed. Which, Jason reminded himself, was true. Nothing had changed. He just knew for certain that she wasn’t interested in him the way he wanted her to be. But he’d known that before. So.

Jason was just reflecting on this when Leo caught up to him, leaving the locker room after the last practice of the semester.

“You missed an easy shot at the end there, you sure you don’t need a little more practice?”

Jason raised an eyebrow at him. “What’s your average again?”

“Point taken. When are you headed home?”

“I’ve got one more final tomorrow and then I’m out. What about you?”

Leo looked down, his fingers tapping out an agitated rhythm on the shoulder strap of his bag. “I’m staying here, actually. Lotta money to fly to Houston, and I’ve got lots of stuff to work on here, so.” He shrugged.

“You’re from Houston?” Jason frowned. “I thought you and Piper went to school together.”

“We did. Piper lived at her dad’s little ranch house thing even while he was filming, supposedly so she didn’t ‘get sucked into the Hollywood stuff.’ Really it was because he didn’t want to deal with her.” Suddenly Leo glanced at him, eyes wide. “Shit, don’t tell her I said anything, yeah? I probably shouldn’t have told you that.”

Jason waved him off. “I won’t, but it’s fine, she already told me about her dad.”

This seemed to interest Leo. “She did?” A small smile appeared on his face at Jason’s nod, which seemed…odd, for such a serious subject. “Anyway yeah, we knew each other in Texas before we both got banished to the desert.”

“So she’s going home to Texas?”

“Nah, her dad sold the property as soon as she went to college. He didn’t use it, so no point in keeping it if you don’t need somewhere to stash a kid, I guess.” Leo’s tone was bitter, and Jason got the impression Leo felt about the same way toward Tristan McLean as his daughter did. “Besides, Piper’s only going to L.A. for Christmas because she has to, and then she’ll be back. We spend every New Year’s together. It’s tradition.”

“You’re lucky,” Jason commented drily, “my foster mom is great and all, but she’s a little…I don’t know, militant? Makes holidays kind of stressful.”

Leo grabbed his shoulders and pulled him so they were facing each other in the middle of the sidewalk. “Come back for New Year’s.”

“What?”

“I’m serious, you can stay in the apartment until the spring semester starts. You’ll still have Christmas with your mom, but you can have a little fun with us for the new year!”

Jason frowned, thinking it over. “I don’t know, Leo…”

“Piper will be there, too.” Leo wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, and Jason blushed.

“Are you sure she wouldn’t mind me staying for a couple weeks?”

Leo snorted and released his shoulders so they could walk again. “Please, Piper would love having you there.”

Jason started to ask what that meant, but before he could, Leo slapped him on the back.

“Great! Glad that’s settled. You’re gonna see Piper before you leave, right?”

“Um, I was planning on it, but Leo—”

“Smart man. Have a good break! See you at the end of the month!”

And then Leo was gone, leaving Jason with plans for the holidays and several questions.

—

“He what?”

Jason winced. He knew he shouldn’t have agreed without asking Piper first, but then again, Leo hadn’t left much room for debate.

“Yeah,” he answered once he’d swallowed the bite of pizza he’d been working on. “He kind of insisted, so now I guess I’m spending New Year's and the following couple weeks with you guys? I mean, if that’s okay with you. I can always tell him no,” he added, watching her chew her lip and resisting the urge to reach over and soothe it with his thumb.

“No!” she yelped, and immediately blushed. Probably remembering what had happened the last time he’d stayed with her, he figured. This plan was seeming worse with every passing minute. “It’s fine,” she amended more quietly, “I just wasn’t expecting it.”

“I’ll be sleeping on the couch, obviously,” he said with a dry smile. He’d hoped to reassure her, but her face seemed to fall, almost like…disappointment? But that didn’t seem right, unless she really didn’t want him there.

Her expression shifted almost immediately to one of excitement, though, and he didn’t have time to overthink anymore. “Right. It’ll be fun!” she was saying. “You can join in all our New Year’s Eve traditions, like drinking.”

Jason waited a moment for her to continue. She didn’t. “Oh, I thought you were listing things.”

Piper nodded, taking a sip of her soda. “I was.”

“So…?”

“That was the whole list.”

Jason laughed. “Of course. Well, it’s more traditions than I’ve got, so I’d be happy to join in.”

Piper’s answering smile lit up her whole face, and Jason had to swallow hard to keep his heart from jumping into his mouth. She was so beautiful it was just unfair.

—

As soon as Piper walked into their apartment on December 29th, she felt at ease again. Her Christmas had been stressful—which is completely unfair, by the way, it’s Christmas—because yeah, he was her dad, and he was trying and she got that, really she did, but she always felt a little on edge around him because, frankly, they didn’t know each other very well. It was easy for constant filming to get in the way of visiting your kid when you didn’t really want it in the first place.

So coming back to Leo, who always wanted her around and never made her feel awkward in the slightest, was an enormous relief.

“Hey, Beauty Queen, how’s it hanging?” he called from the kitchen.

“I’m sorry,” she laughed, “but I don’t think anyone has used the phrase ‘how’s it hanging’ since, like, the seventies.”

Leo only shrugged, abandoning his bowl of cereal to grab her suitcase and carry it to her room. “I’m bringing it back. The seventies had some great trends.”

“Such as?”

“Well, for starters, I could rock a pair of bell bottomed pants and one of those shiny disco shirts.”

Piper laughed and wrapped him in a tight hug, which he returned enthusiastically. “I missed you, Valdez.”

“Don’t be such a sap. You were gone for like a week and a half.”

“I know, don’t remind me.”

“That bad, huh?” He pulled back to examine her face. “You guys fight?”

Piper shook her head and started unpacking. “I’m just always on edge when I’m there. I hate L.A.”

Leo nodded in solidarity. “Wanna order pizza?”

“Obviously.”

Leo grinned and pulled out his phone.

—

As soon as Jason walked through the door on December 31st, he was treated to the sight of Piper wearing a blue bra, a beanie, jeans, and a single sock. It was in interesting look, but Leo was enough to distract him in socks, boxer shorts, a glove, and a top hat.

Jason was more than a little confused, but had the presence of mind to be grateful that Leo’s outfit was weird enough to take his attention from Piper in just a bra. That thought had the unfortunate effect, however, of directing his attention right back to her though, because Piper was in just a bra and Jason’s brain was sort of short circuiting because holy shit Piper was in just a bra.

(And the pants or whatever, but who could be bothered to look that low when Piper. Was. In. Just. A. Bra.)

Focus on something else, he told himself. Don’t be a creep. That’s super weird and predator-y and you’re not even dating. Yes, Leo’s top hat. Stare at that. Just focus on the top hat. He mentally patted himself on the back for pulling that off.

“Hey,” Leo and Piper called in unison, not even glancing up from the cards in their hands.

“Um, hey,” he answered, pausing to allow one of them to jump in and explain just what exactly was happening. Neither did. “What’s, uh…what’s going on?”

“Strip or sip poker,” Leo answered, laying a card down with incredible focus.

“Sorry?”

“It’s like strip poker, but you have the option of taking a drink instead of losing an article of clothing,” Piper explained, finally looking up at him. “It’s, um…”

Jason could swear her cheeks got redder when their eyes met; he knew his certainly did. Her loss of words made him feel a little better about his own at her state of undress as well.

“It’s our New Year’s Eve tradition,” she finished finally, looking back down at her cards. “Shit, Leo!”

Leo laughed triumphantly at whatever had just happened in the game.

“I thought your tradition was just drinking,” Jason commented, removing his coat and wheeling his suitcase farther into the living room.

“Didn’t you hear the drinking part of the rules?” Leo asked, grinning up at him from his seat on the floor. “Come on, I’ll deal you in as soon as this round’s over, which should be soon with the way Piper’s playing.”

Piper flashed her middle finger at him.

“You guys don’t think it’s weird that you play strip poker together every year?” Jason asked, running a hand through his hair.

“Why would it be weird?” Leo asked.

“You’re playing a game favored by couples and horny groups of teenagers because the purpose is to get naked.’’

“The purpose is to have fun and get drunk,” Piper countered. “Besides, we only strip until we reach our underwear. Then you have to forfeit or chug your drink.”

“I don’t know if I can keep up with these rules,” Jason laughed.

“Well you’re gonna have to learn quick,” she said, smirking. “Hurry up, Grace, it’s only two hours ’til midnight and I’m not even tipsy!"

“Alright, alright, but someone’s gonna have to explain how poker works because I haven’t played it in years.”

Leo and Piper groaned in unison, and Jason grinned as he took a seat where they’d left room for him beside the table. It was good to be back, even if he knew he was about to end up either drunk or naked very quickly.

—

As it turned out, it was a combination of the two.

By the time 11:59 rolled around, Piper had lost her beanie and her other sock, Leo was down to his boxers and top hat, and Jason was left with just his underwear (purple briefs, one of his nicer pairs which he was now thanking himself from this morning for picking out) because, as he’d expected, he lost horribly. He wasn’t nearly as drunk as the other two, however, as he’d had more items of clothing to lose and had to drink less to keep up.

He was exceedingly thankful for that as well, because he had no idea what drunk Jason would say to a half naked Piper and he certainly didn’t want to find out.

There were 60 seconds until midnight, and Leo was trying to get the other two to come out on the fire escape with him, insisting it was the best spot to watch the fireworks. Piper was laughing, definitely drunk but lucid enough to know it was way too cold for that. Jason was insisting Leo get back inside, that it was below freezing and Leo was going to catch a cold out there in just his underwear.

(Leo countered this by explaining he was also wearing a hat.)

There were 45 seconds until midnight, and Leo was attempting to translate Auld Lang Syne into Spanish. Piper was singing the English lyrics, since she didn’t know much Spanish to begin with and translating that was just too difficult. Jason was listening to Piper sing, because she had the most beautiful voice he’d ever heard, which was unfair because everything else about her was beautiful too, and it was keeping him rooted in place, just staring at her.

(Piper caught his eye more than once and her skin took on a pretty deep pink tinge, but Jason figured it was probably just the alcohol.)

There were 15 seconds until midnight, and Leo was beginning to count down, watching his phone to keep track of the seconds as they disappeared into the ether. Piper was warning him to be careful, that he was too drunk to be waving his phone around out there, that he was going to drop it. Jason was watching her inch closer to him, each second vanishing along with an inch of space between them until she was pressed fully to his side and his heart rate was skyrocketing.

(Jason was pressing closer to her too, he realized.)

Three, Leo was shouting over the railing.

Two, Piper was looking up at him expectantly through her eyelashes.

One, Jason panicked.

“Happy New Year!” the three of them yelled together, and Jason bent down, and Piper’s eyes fluttered shut, and he pressed his lips to her cheek, softly, so softly.

He pulled back to see Piper frown, looking almost disappointed. Maybe he wasn’t misreading signals then, maybe Piper really did want him to kiss her, and he’d majorly screwed up. But he wouldn’t let their first (and maybe last, if he really was just tipsy and she wasn’t into him at all) kiss be a drunken fumbling one for the sake of the holiday with Leo jumping around in his underwear. His brain was cloudy and he wanted so badly to press Piper up against a wall and hear her sigh his name, but he knew that she deserved better than anything that would happen tonight.

So together, shivering, they pulled Leo back inside and, after a bit of celebrating and watching whatever fireworks they could see, pushed him in the direction of his room. They all needed to get some sleep.

Jason found himself standing with Piper outside her bedroom door, which was across from Leo’s. She was studying his face, and had the same look in her eyes she’d had at midnight. It had Jason’s breath quickening, and his hands ached to brush her hair behind her ear or find her waist and pull her against him.

“What’s your resolution?” Piper asked, catching him off guard. Her words were only the slightest bit slurred, and her eyes were bright, the color seeming to change in the dim light.

“Haven’t really thought about it,” he answered truthfully.

Piper nodded solemnly, eyes still locked on his. Her voice was gentle, and soothed him even as the heat passing between them riled him up. “Wanna know mine?”

Jason nodded.

“It’s to go after the things I want,” she said, just a whisper, nearly drowned out by the sounds of partying and fireworks from outside.

“I like it,” Jason said. “Does it apply to anything in particular?”

Piper smiled coyly, and Jason couldn’t quite catch his breath. “Mm hm. But I think what I want can wait for another night, when I’m a little more sober.”

Unable to formulate a response to that, Jason nodded mutely again.

She turned and opened her bedroom door. “Goodnight, Sparky.”

“Happy New Year, Pipes.”

Her eyes sparkled at him, and then the door shut and he was left alone in the hallway.

—

Piper spent the first half of the next day hungover and hoping she wasn’t as obvious last night as she thought she’d been, and the second half regretting ever having made that ridiculous resolution because Jason fit so well with her and Leo and she really wasn’t looking forward to the awkwardness that would surely follow his rejection of her, but there was always a chance the heat in his eyes and the tenderness of his kiss last night hadn’t been a drunken hallucination, and besides, Piper had committed to going after what she wanted. What she wanted was him, and every time she thought about backing out she reminded herself that mama didn’t raise no bitch.

(You know, metaphorically, because she had no idea who her mother was and her father certainly didn’t raise her and the nanny didn’t put in much effort, so really it was more like…Piper didn’t raise herself to be no bitch. But that was too complicated, so she stuck with the original phrase.)

Actually telling Jason how she felt was a little more challenging with Leo hanging about—yeah, he lived there, but that was hardly an excuse—so before she knew it they were going to bed and she was lying awake, and then sneaking past a sleeping Jason to sit out on the fire escape, bundled in a hoodie and a blanket.

It was freezing, but the cold air helped her think, so she didn’t mind it too much. It was still pretty early for her, only a quarter past midnight, but the stars blinking down at her made it feel later than it was. A car honked in the distance. Someone in another building was blasting music.

“Jeez, Pipes, it’s freezing out here.”

And then Jason was sitting next to her, and it didn’t feel quite as cold as it had before.

She unwrapped one side of the blanket and held it open for him, letting him scoot closer and wrap the blanket around himself.

“It’s a good system,” she said, looking back up at the stars. “We can share a blanket and body heat.”

She hoped he couldn’t feel her heart pounding.

They sat in silence for what felt like hours, just drinking in each other’s presence and watching their breath turn to steam in the air, curling and entwining before vanishing into the night. Finally, it was Jason who broke the spell.

“Piper?”

Just her name, but it was enough to knock the wind out of her. “Yeah?”

“How drunk were you last night?”

She kept her eyes on the sky above them. “Not drunk enough to say anything I didn’t mean.”

He was silent then, but she could feel his eyes on the side of her face, watching her. She wondered what he saw.

“Piper?” he asked again.

“Yeah?”

“I came up with a resolution.”

She turned to look at him, and suddenly his lips were pressed to hers and the blanket was sliding down because his hands were on her waist, hot even through her hoodie, pulling her closer and closer and closer and somehow it still wasn’t enough, so Piper pressed back, one hand bunched in his shirt and the other finding his cheek. She needed air so desperately but she couldn’t pull back, not when his tongue was sliding against hers and she finally felt like she could breathe, and her hand slid up to wrap his hair around her fingers like she’d always wanted to.

She was practically in his lap now, nipping at the little scar on his lip, and she still didn’t know where he’d gotten it but she didn’t really care at the moment. His hands slid up, one around her back to hold her against his front and the other to her hair where it tugged on her braid, making her moan into his mouth. He must’ve liked that because he kissed her harder and his tongue dipped deeper and Piper had just about lost all presence of mind when she suddenly put her hands on his chest and shoved herself back.

She stared at him, panting, and he stared at her right back with his cheeks flushed gorgeously and his eyes wide. He opened his mouth and she knew he was about to apologize, he was going to think she stopped him because she didn’t want him to kiss her, and of course that couldn’t be farther from the truth, so—

“Jason Grace, how dare you have the audacity to kiss me,” she took a brief pause to catch her breath, not long enough for him to start to apologize but enough to scare him a little (she couldn’t resist messing with him just a tiny bit when he looked so adorably shocked), “when you knew it was my resolution to go after what I want, which is obviously you!”

Jason’s mouth opened and closed several times, but no sound came out. He blinked and frowned, and, “Um…what?”

“I was going to make the first move,” she sniffed. “I’d made a resolution and worked up the balls and even had a speech prepared. And backup speeches for different scenarios! I can’t believe you just ruined all those plans.”

Jason blinked several times, but a shadow of a smile had appeared on his face. “I’m sorry, I had no idea.”

“I basically told you last night.”

“I didn’t realize you were preparing speeches, though. I figured I’d save you the trouble with a resolution of my own.”

“You stole my resolution, too. Who’s committing plagiarism now?”

“Not true. Your resolution was to go after what you want. Mine was much simpler.”

“Oh yeah?” she challenged, picking up the fallen blanket to ward off the chill seeping back through her clothes. “What was it?”

“‘Kiss Piper.’”

She brushed back a piece of hair that had come loose from her braid—probably when Jason’s hand had tangled in it and pulled, she realized, the memory causing heat to pool low in her belly—to cover her smile. “Well that’s just…boring. Where’s the pizzazz?”

When she turned to look at him again, his face was much closer than it had been, his warm breath ghosting over her lips in a way that made them tingle deliciously. “I thought there was plenty of pizzazz. You need a refresher?” he teased.

Piper sucked in a breath. She had been far less prepared for confident, sexy, teasing, ready-to-kiss-her-stupid Jason than she’d thought, and it might just kill her. Trying to regain some control of the situation, she raised an eyebrow and said, “It still doesn’t make up for all the work I put in. Now I’ll never get to fulfill my New Year’s Resolution. I’m a failure.”

“Would it make you feel better to give me one of the speeches you prepared?”

“No, I don’t have one for this scenario.”

“You prepared for multiple scenarios but none of them included me kissing you?”

“I thought it would be at least another month before you made a move on me, Sparky, so no.”

“That stings.”

Piper laughed and nuzzled her nose against his, her eyes fluttering shut for a moment. “Can you blame me?”

“No,” he sighed, “I’m still pretty amazed I got it together long enough to kiss you. I’m sorry you didn’t get to give your speeches, though. You sure you can’t tell me one anyway?”

“I’m afraid that’s impossible, you’ll never know what I was going to say.”

Jason laughed. “You are a cruel woman, Piper McLean.”

She just shrugged, a smirk spreading across her face. “That’s what you get for stealing my moment.”

“How about I make it up to you?” His eyes were dark now, his nose brushing along hers and his voice deep. Piper shivered, and it wasn’t from the January air.

“I think we can work something out,” she whispered, and their mouths met in the middle as they reached for each other.

—

The first game of the season, Jason was third up to bat, and he was nervous as hell.

It was normal, especially for him. His nerves would decrease as the game went on, but that didn’t stop the shaking of his hands as he stepped up to the plate and took a couple warm up swings.

The first pitch veered to the left, just out of the strike zone.

The second was a fastball, and he was half a second too late.

He adjusted the straps on his gloves and tried to steady his breathing. This is normal, he told himself. You just need to pull it together and get your head in the game.

Great. Now I’m quoting High School Musical.

This, naturally, got I Don’t Dance stuck in his head, which wouldn’t even be an issue if Piper hadn’t made him watch the movies last week and sung that song at him constantly. (Not that he really minded; Piper’s singing voice was one of his favorite things in the world to listen to, even when accompanied by cheesy choreography.)

He glanced at the stands to his left, where he knew she was sitting with Annabeth, Grover, Hazel, and Percy’s family. He found her quickly, and she waved. His heart rate slowed, and the haze in his brain seemed to clear as he stepped back to the plate.

It probably wasn’t great to rely on her to keep him relaxed at bat. If they broke up, or fought, or even if she just missed seeing him play, he couldn’t afford to be off his game. He’d never had an issue working through his nerves before; he was sure he could do it without her, but it was so much easier to take one look at her and feel himself relax.

When he hit the ball way out to left field and made it to first with plenty of time to spare, he figured he didn’t mind relying on Piper so much. Watching her jump up and down, cheering in the stands, he got the feeling she wasn’t going anywhere.

#here it is #finally #jasiper #baseball au #otp: if i fall you're catching me #jason grace #piper mclean #fanfic #my writing #pjo #hoo

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questwithjess · 7 years ago

Text

An Open Letter, to the ‘Affected-By-YouTuber-Scandal’ Community:

**below includes some adult language and extensive discussion of sensitive topics**

Okay, so…this is mostly regarding the current, Logan Paul debacle...

I don’t often comment on these kinds of events; but this, plus Felix’s 2017 issues, have made me feel that it might now be irresponsible, not to try to explain some of the idiosyncratic, psychosocial phenomena, at play here.

Be warned, I’ve got a long, strange, tangent-prone, and distinct opinion: and it’s one, I imagine, not many people are going to approve of, or share in with me.

Nor, is it the opinion most people would expect of someone who has, both, had a close friend commit suicide by hanging; and who also, on a separate occasion, found the body of a very close loved one. These are devastating experiences, and that goes without saying. However, the equally-unavoidable truth, is that these experiences are also highly subjective.

Of course, in Logan Paul’s case, we can all agree, including Logan himself, that he handled this more-than-badly. And honestly, if that was someone I loved in his video, it would be much harder for me to say this: but, even so, I do think that there’s more to this situation to be addressed, than just to vilify a still-maturing, still-youthfully-impulsively-irresponsible, career-choice-YouTuber.

And this is where context becomes SO important; because BOTH sides are morally right, to a degree.

These actions are both condemnable and defendable: because these actions will have various, subjective effects, on…you guessed it…various subjects.

And poignantly, in manifestation, it’s a lot like Felix’s fiverr-scandal in early 2017.

Yes, if you look at both of these situations emotionally, without deeper objective-analysis; they are both just insensitive, unnecessary, and hurtful faux pas that could’ve easily been avoided, by being more empathetic and heedful of overall feelings, decency, and political-moral-correctness.

Yet, if the inquest is about whether or not these actions were done from an intention to harm or offend, or from an intention to inform or entertain; then, it’s no longer so simple to judge.

Philosophically, it can seem reasonable to declare, that such subject-matters should never be ‘entertainment,’ informative or not. And, this has long-since been an ethical-dilemma, for artists of all kinds. But, never before, have the rules for navigating this dilemma, been more complicated and unclear than they are now; and have been, ever, since our lives became inexorably-bound to the internet, and to the various forms of technology that, now-constantly, keep us attached. This is why, it becomes paramount, for all our well-beings’, to judge each situation, as calmly and rationally as possible.

But, back to the individuals’ in question, and their remiss indiscretions. Remember, both of these incidents are related to highly-emotional situations, and cover topics where feelings run especially, and understandably, deep.

And so, this naturally brings up part of the unwritten social contract, into which all well-known entertainers, of all mediums, enter. Their ultimate-success, is based on their fans; and the riskier the material they choose to feature, the more they are gambling with losing the favor of many of those fans.

However, this is where YouTube – and particularly, being a successful, 20-something YouTuber, coming into your emotional and neurological-maturity inside of the bubble that is YouTube – creates a unique, and incomparably-surreal, experience.

This is especially true, in terms of inevitably-testing moral boundaries via their content; since, unlike other types of celebrities, YouTubers pretty much manage and represent their work, themselves. And, in many cases, they have very little image, or buffer zone, or entirely-fictional character, between them and their interactive audience.

It is entirely up to them, with millions of viewers (and sometimes, the entire media-public) watching, to walk the tightrope of an incredibly-elusive balance. They have to continuously keep their fans, and YouTube, and the public happy; whilst in the process, also staying, both, financially-profitable, and personally true to themselves.

Whether they’re conscious of it or not; along with this career they’ve chosen, they’ve also accepted a constant struggle to reconcile all these competing factors, on a nonstop, daily basis.

Their lives, essentially, become YouTube.

Everything becomes their content.

And to be inside of that uncanny-surreality; is to look at life, through a new cognitive-filter.

So, it’s these psychosocial phenomena of artistically-detached-ethical-mystification and real-world-surreal-world-disconnect, that, in my opinion, explain exactly how and why Logan & his friends, did not preemptively, realistically-consider the probability of encountering a deceased person in Aokigahara.

As much, as why Felix didn’t completely, realistically-foresee that he was eventually going to cross the ‘too offensive to be socially-acceptable’ line, and that the consequences for doing-so, would be so undeniably-far-reaching.

And so, this is where I plead; not, for you to ever ignore your feelings, or to ever give these guys a pass when they screw up.

But rather, merely, to try to understand them, hear them out, let them explain, and accept their sincere apologies when they offer them.

Remember, their worlds exist, always adjacent and attached to, the precarious mediums of YouTube, video, and the internet. And, because of this, they are eternally sharing with us, pieces of themselves.

Sharing with us, their best and worst moments.

And so, before we only exactingly-express our criticisms; I feel as though they also deserve these practical considerations.

I also, truly believe, there’s a way to express your disagreement with their actions, without cruelly and hatefully trying to tear them down as people.

For better or worse, they made these mistakes while trying to show people something that they’ve never seen before. And yes, their negligent actions do have consequences; but so too, are there consequences to the actions of those who maliciously-attack the non-malicious-actions of others. Just something to consider.

This is a good place to note: I know, it might sound like I’m just defensive-fangirling, but that’s not, quite, the case.

And I’ll totally admit, I do have some bias, in Felix’s case.

I have watched, the illustrious, ‘PewDiePie’ for years.

Yes, because I find his...particular...humor, uniquely-engaging.

But, even more so; it’s because I find him cathartic.

As weird as it is to admit; he’s like the male, Swedish version of who I used to be, personality-wise. To the point where, I often, literally, predict what he’s going to say or do, before he says or does it. Also, he looks just like an old friend of mine; and, I mean, they are nearly identical twins, down to the voice.

These are totally-subjective reasons for viewership, I know.

But, they lend to the fact, that the core of my appreciation of him, may be one of sympathetic-thoughtfulness; but, it is in no way, mindless-fan-worship.

More than anything, my qualitative, if not abstract, comprehension of his identity, comes with the ingrained acknowledgement and acceptance of his semi-flawed morality.

Just as I acknowledge and accept my own flawed-morality, past and present.

And, in truth, it’s that very-same ethical-imperfection, that allows him to create his ever-inimitable, and beloved, brand of comedy. Just as mine, allows me to try to honestly and empathetically analyze, both best and worst of occurrences.

Experiencing his humor, has seriously taught me invaluable lessons; and it’s one of the most emphatic examples I have, in understanding how similar moral-identities can improve, hold-steady, or decline, dependent on the presence of differing, relative life experiences.

So, basically, I guess I think of Felix as a study-guide: called to YouTube by our mercurial and morbidly-hilarious universe, itself. I don’t always agree with what he says or does, but I'm constantly seeing the world in new ways, because of the distinctive perspective that he offers.

That being said, even though I understand and appreciate his humor-driven, moral-ambiguity; I do not deny the negative consequences that inevitably manifest, when anyone pushes that line too far.

Which, as we all know, last year, he did.

But, again, this is why context is so important. Felix’s satirical-humor is indeed, often offensive; but, it has never, once, been from a hateful place.

Disaffected, and cynical? Maybe.

Nihilistic, and reckless? Maybe.

But, hateful? No, never.

It might be true, that he doesn’t always take these issues seriously enough, given his young, vast, impressionable audience and the current human-rights-atmosphere of our planet; and, that does, honestly, bother me sometimes. But, I also can’t ignore, that though seriousness and compassion are not the defining trademarks of his channel; they are the definite cornerstones of his charity work.

In the bigger picture, I’m not sure if there’s any way to create honest comedy, without producing both positive and negative effects. Or, whether or not social-moral-consciousness should empathetically-supersede that comedy. But, I do know that, for every person, full-spectrum-conscientiousness grows at its own, individually-singular rate. And our complete-empathetic-capacities develop, as our relatively-occurring life experiences, catalyze their transformations.

Though he’s already grown so much, over the last few years; something humorless, and close to his heart, may further-change how Felix sees the world, one day. And that change, might in turn, further-affect his personality, his humor, and thusly, his YouTube content. But, if not or until then, his cleverly-jarring-comedy will continue to enlighten, for his viewers, the full scope of human nature. The good, the bad, and all the indescribable-weirdness, in between.

But, back to my main point...

With Logan Paul, it’s a very different story. I’d heard of him plenty, but had never actually watched his channel before all of this; because honestly, besides Felix and a few others, I don’t stay current with YouTubers, the way I once did. Though, ironically, after this whole disaster, I actually have developed a certain kind of respect for Logan as a creator; and it’s one, that I wouldn’t have had, otherwise.

That sounds horrible; but just hear me all-the-way out, okay? Please?

His previous content that I’ve, now, just checked out, trying to get a read on him; has been mostly funny-but-frivolous, classic-youth humor and drama.

I found his personality to be a trite-but-interesting-enough, pesky-but-charismatic blend of unique and basic; that typical, early-20s-mixture of being part authentic, and part who you think you’re supposed to be, for popularity’s sake. Overall, my impression was that he was probably a decent-enough guy, but definitely still had lots of work to do, towards cultivating his full-identity.

Also, low-key, it became clear, pretty quickly, that he hadn’t yet been tested with real adversity in life. And, in practice, whenever you combine that inexperience with an oblivious, just-go-with-the-flow attitude, eventually you’re in for a rude awakening.

But, that’s just me being a hindsight-oracle.

And I’m sorry, because that rarely helps.

Anyway, my point was, that Logan was definitely not my usual viewing-material.

Too much trendy-mainstream-consumerism; not enough peculiar, thought-provoking, or meaningful substance.

Until this.

Like it or not, this is a significant – yes, albeit a profoundly-intimate – moment, that he’s captured.

Carelessly and invasively, he captured this moment: yes.

But, like for any journalist, even an unintentional one, is that not what it takes to capture the most awe-striking, and heart-wrenching of real moments? The moments that change our understanding, and our shared-humanity?

I think, it was not his conscious-intention to witness real death, even in the so-named ‘suicide forest,’ and because of that oversight-in-judgement and logical-preparation; his reaction was one of shock, and not one of sense.

But, after consideration, I feel that when he momentarily-shared that video with the world, it was, surely, not only for the views.

I think he posted it, because once the cameras were finally off, he felt the power of that experience and he knew that witnessing such reality, had changed him, and thus, that it could change others. Though, how it would change them, he most likely did not fully comprehend until after he’d posted it.

Now, either way, I’m NOT saying that I endorse the choice he, originally, made.

Posting that full, graphic video was always going to be damaging to many people. And whether he truly realized how vast the scope of that damage would be, before the public-outrage made it so-decidedly clear; that’s something only he knows, for sure. Regardless, he quickly removed the video, and stated his sincerest regrets for any pain that he caused. And I actually found him to be melancholy and heartfelt. His past hubris, seemed considerably diminished.

Nonetheless, if I’m being totally honest, whether this is why he posted it originally, or not, I believe it still remains true: it is within these intensely important, scary, solemn, palpable, unforeseen experiences, and all the weird ways that we honestly, humanly react to them; that we learn some of the most memorable lessons.

No, we should never knowingly seek to exploit others’ pain in order to learn, or to teach; but, when we haphazardly-happen upon that pain, and become a part of it, I believe not learning from it, would be the even-greater wrongdoing.

In this case, that meant watching-unfold, the aftermath of one of the saddest-actualities of life; as well as, concurrently, watching-unfold the realest experience of Logan Paul’s life, thus far.

Yes, 22 means he’s a man, and not a boy. But, in reality, at 22 the prefrontal cortex is still developing. And the full processing-spectrums of judgement-capacity, reflection and discretion, and rational-awareness in regard to the accumulation of significant-life-experiences, are all still developing.

For fuck’s sake, he said he’s never even seen (not just never found, or been near, but never seen) a dead body. That means he’s never been to an open-casket funeral yet, in his 22 years of living. Imagine that life-experience bubble. Then imagine, on top of that, you’re a semi-wealthy, (white) American youth, who doesn’t really respect or understand the deeper side of life yet, because you’re still just in that ‘live fast, have fun, do you, chase your dream’ mentality.

Inside of this, you can tell that he did not thoroughly grasp what that forest meant, before going there. And if that ignorance offends you, you are more than allowed to feel that way.

Intellectually, it seems obvious that knowing the stories, and encountering the weight of their truth, are two, very different perspectives. But, sometimes this cannot be fully-understood, until a real-life experience shows you.

A fact, that will hopefully never be lost on Logan, his friends, or any of us, again.

And that’s one reason, anyway; why I think sometimes, awful mistakes, like this video, need to happen.

Of all the paths, in all the forest, they wound up there. From a semi-average ‘YouTuber-on-location’ stunt; to a legitimate test of character, for all of us.

I think, that what they were expecting, was an abstract-legend. They thought they’d have a regular camping trip, scare each other with ghost stories, and then add in some PSA, as an afterthought. What they got was a life-altering experience in true reality; one that they hadn’t wholly absorbed yet, while they were filming what we saw.

This is where it also, must, be understood, that for some people who experience this (discovering a deceased person), especially for those who have lived safely-sheltered lives, or for those who are used to employing emotional-compartmentalization; when they are suddenly faced with real, unfiltered death it can take quite a while for it to really, viscerally hit them.

This perplexing state, is metaphorically-comparable to a dazing-fog of surreality.

And the length of the adjustment-period, back to aware-acceptance, is defined by many things; including, whether or not that experience, has an audience, taking precedence over it.

Yet, this is one, vital reason, why the public forum exists: so, that we can see that we all deal with these difficult situations differently, and to learn to accept and not judge or hate that.

Yes, we may, unavoidably, feel as though they did not handle the situation respectfully. And those are absolutely valid feelings. But, how the guilt will find them later, and the good they may do because of it; we cannot, yet, know.

Yes, for some, the emotional-reaction is instantaneous. They cry. They scream. They pray. They beg. They just shut down.

But, also yes, that other times, they keep on filming and then post, simply because that’s what they’ve always done, and they are still in the process of understanding the gravity of all that’s just changed.

Though they feel it later, they still feel it deeply and truly.

There are SO many reactions, I could never list them all.

This is the nature of death. And, it affects us each, differently.

But, when we’re faced with the unthinkable, I feel, we can either look away from what’s painful, and never fully see it; or we can accept the discomfort that comes with looking right at it, and learning from it all we can, in order to save others.

Because I can guarantee you, someone saw the harsh-reality, in that video; and it was the sobering wake-up call they needed, to no longer romanticize, or glamorize, or trivialize the idea of suicide.

Someone saw them reacting slowly, and casually, and not handling it perfectly; and finally stopped beating themselves up, for reacting the same way in a different-but-similar scenario.

And yes, unfortunately, given his young fan-base, there were also, assuredly, some morbidly-curious kids who were faced with their first, visceral dose of life-and-death reality. Whether that was a maturing-lesson or a scarring-trauma; again, will be subjective to the child.

I, myself, experienced a very similar test while still in elementary school. And, though I did, consequently, have a great-many complicated feelings to work through; overall, it taught me some very crucial truths, about seeking out adult knowledge as a child. Truths, which would later, prove to save my life.

All in all, there are many interpretations, perspectives, and outcomes.

Negative, and positive.

Things work out in as many ways, as there are people and possible choices.

And we don’t all feel the same, about what heals us and hurts us, when dealing with tragedy.

Plenty of people, feel that no matter how shocking your choice of how you talk about it is, that the most important thing is to express yourself truthfully and genuinely. And, what he posted was definitely-not sensitive or tactful: but, it was bravely, brutally, and transparently honest.

My final point, more than anything, is this: I feel that, as negative as the whole situation is (and this applies to almost-all other such ‘celebrities’ and ‘scandals’), adding more negativity, almost seemingly-trying to push Logan to the brink of the very-despair we’re all supposedly-fighting; this helps, literally, no one.

It, especially, doesn’t help the memory of the person whose life was lost.

Instead, we should all be honoring that person by learning their story, respecting their memory through not further-using them for our own agendas, and also, by associating with them a peaceful-event, where we choose to look at the full-spectrum of life’s volatile-truths; in order to finally love each other and ourselves a little more, and to treat each other and ourselves a little better.

So, let’s all be better people, right now; by finding a way to express our negative emotions, without casting excessive and divisive shame and hatred. Because, fundamentally, in their use, they undermine the very-worthy cause, we’re supposed to be defending.

We’re supposed to be, being kinder to each other, and to ourselves.

Kindness > Blame

Forgiveness is a virtue, to all. Always.

Especially, when it’s challenging.

So, no matter how obscure or famous the person: find a way to be kind.

This is how the most lives are saved, in the grander scheme.

Note: Though this is an open letter; its intention is to provoke contemplative silences, not angry responses. I hope that I portrayed the fact that I respect everybody’s right to their opinion, whether they agree or disagree with the opinions I’ve stated here. And though, it is my true hope, that one day we can all talk these things out rationally, rather than emotionally-reacting with wrath; ultimately, that’s a choice every person has to make for themselves. So, if you agree with what I’ve said: thank you. If you disagree with what I’ve said: thank you. And if you’ve fully-understood all I’ve said: double thank you. Seriously, I’m obviously a very long-winded, over-analytical, micro-editing, weird-stream-of-consciousness kind of writer. I’m sure to most people, this will read as confusing and all over the place. But, hey, that’s just my manifestation of truth. Thanks, friends. Be well.

#youtube #loganpaul #pewdiepie #analysis #opinion #openletter #life #socialcommentary #felixkjellberg #youtubers #scandals

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