#but ahhhhh what a sweet death

[giantkillerjack]

spn from a metatextual standpoint is like asmr but with freshly shelled barbed wire from the first world war does that make sense am i making sense

[jjk4isen]

ꗃ 𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐏 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐃, 𝐓𝐖𝐎 𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐏𝐒 𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊 .

❝ answer me. did you think of her when you're in bed with me? when you're kissing me and holding me— was she the one on your mind? ❞

summary: it's hard knowing you aren't really the person in toji's heart but loving him was something you still did regardless. as for toji, he thinks he's ready to give you his all.

desc: 2.8k words, f!reader (referred to as ‘mama’), canon compliant i think, takes place after mamaguro's death and before toji’s, age gap (early 20s reader, early 30s toji), baby gumi ahhhhh, sfw, angst to fluff to angst again lol, intended lowercase, think you're tsumiki’s mom but without tsumiki bc the relations would be too complicated and also the second wife erasure in the canon storyline?? yeah it's reserved specifically for this fic, not proof read i fear but pls read it's really interesting i can swear by it lmaoqhdhns

dating a widowed man with a son wasn't easy especially when the said man is still in love with his former wife, or rather, his wife who had died.

love is often beautiful but sometimes it's unfair. it can also be cruel. what other reason would make you still stay despite knowing you'll never measure upto the person who had been here before you?

and you've heard stories about her. she was sweet, so beautiful— not just in her appearance but her entire being was beautiful. there always was an ache in your heart upon just the mention of her name.

so how much more would it have ached for toji?

“mama” the spiky haired boy, barely two years old calls you and you realise the silence in the room. “not mama, i’m nana okay?” sick.

nana. not mama but close enough. it doesn't matter anyway, n and m are just letters and next to each other so how much difference would that make? you're the one that's here after all, are you not?

if there's a lump in your throat and your eyes are burning with unshed tears, you force yourself to ignore.

“okay nana” megumi nuzzles his face into your chest, slowly drifting away to sleep. the boy always liked cuddling with you and it melts your heart immensely.

your hands strand through his dark hair. people always said he's the carbon copy of his dad but you'd like to differ. megumi has his mother's eyes and his hair resembled hers more than it did his dad's.

the thought sends another ache in your chest but you push it away– as you always have.

you recall the last time toji had heard megumi call you “mama”. you had never seen toji that livid. he was never a gentle man to begin with but that night, there was nothing else you've been more scared of.

was he like that to his wife? maybe not.

does that matter though? it's not like toji treats you badly. he's decent and loves you an enough amount. you weren't crazy enough to stay when you're not wanted so that must mean you were something to him right?

you also recall the whispers of pity and condemnation thrown at you for just being with toji. him being a brute is one thing but the difference in age is what people seem to have a problem with. you're so much younger than him and have your whole life ahead of you so why are you entrapping yourself this way?

you disagree though. love doesn't know any age and you definitely aren't naive to be head over heels over a guy just because he's relatively older. no, this was real and genuine.

a faint knock disrupts your train of thoughts. “he sleepin’?” toji nods towards the small boy in your arms and you nod back in return.

taking care not to wake the sleeping kid, you slowly pry his hands away from you and pull over a blanket to cover his small body.

when you make your way towards toji, he wastes no time in pulling you closer “missed you” he mumbles, placing a kiss onto your forehead and suddenly all thoughts plaguing your mind disappears. that's all you could ask for, even if it was just for a moment.

“i missed you more” you whisper back, he only huffs out an amused chuckle.

“got bad news though” a frown finds itself on his lips, decorated by a single scar next to it.

“did you lose all your money again?” toji was a gambling addict, another thing you forced yourself to tolerate just for him.

“sorry, doll. thought i’d win this time” he rubs small circles on your back comfortingly and it makes you a bit uneasy to know that he has his way with you so easily.

“it's alright. i’ll just find another part time job”

“so good to me” toji pulls you into his chest and you let out a sigh— of exhaustion? relief? you couldn't really tell but that's not important, toji had you in his arms.

“i’ll try and think of something too. don't worry your pretty little head too much” he lifts you up with ease. while you're in his arms, you feel the safest.

toji really felt bad this time. he was confident he would win but that stupid horse had to trip and lose its lead, ending up last of all places. he knows luck never favoured him but that's didn't stop him from trying again and again and again.

he also knows how you didn't say anything more than necessary about it but he isn't that much of an idiot either. he sees how your expression falters and your shoulders slump a little more when he comes home with another news of his gambling loss.

this is also why he tries, or rather, tried to quit — one too many times, unbeknownst to you. however, old habits die hard and most of the time (everytime) toji gives into his urge and loses yet again. the cycle keeps happening.

maybe this isn't just about gambling.

with the way you're asleep so soundly next to him after putting his son to sleep and taking care of him too, he is overcomed with yet another feeling to be better for you and megumi alike.

toji isn't a gentle man; everyone knows that, you do too — even more than anybody else but he can't help the familiar pool of warm feelings surging through him the longer he stares at your peaceful state.

he remembers the last time he felt it, with another person. it felt like a lifetime ago.

he also remembers how painful it was when he lost it — the person, the feeling altogether. his hands that were making their way to caress your face stops mid air.

toji knows you deserve so much better. you've been nothing but patient to him, so amazing, so perfect to him. still, he just can't do it yet, just not yet.

he will eventually, he hopes you stay until then.

toji wakes up to an empty bed and his heart sinks a little but the creases and wrinkles on the sheets serve as a reminder that you were really here.

he makes his way towards the kitchen, only finding megumi sitting on a chair next to the dining table.

“hey kid, where's your mama?”

toji freezes. it came out so naturally he didn't realise he said it himself and almost thinks he didn't but megumi's wide eyes prove that he actually did.

“m…mama?” megumi says hesitantly and toji nods this time. “yes, your mama”.

“potty potty!” megumi points to the bathroom and giggles, toji follows suit. the man crouches to his son's eye level and pats his head.

“you love your mama, kid?” toji sees megumi's eyes sparkle as the boy nods enthusiastically “very very much!!”

“yeah? i love your mama too.”

toji smiles to himself, he can't wait to tell that to you.

the next time toji got his pay, he finds himself hesitating. instead of heading towards the race tracks, his feet takes him to a jewellery store.

instead of picking out a slot and testing his luck, he picks out a ring. it's not fancy by any means but he thinks it would be the most beautiful band of metal to exist if it slides into your ring finger.

the tiny ring carries all the heavy feelings he has for you.

──

it was one particular evening when you saw an old man lingering by the front gate. its particular because the warm sunset and the soft cool breeze contrasted the ground breaking truth you find out.

“can i help you?” you ask the old man who looks at you up and down, not making an attempt to hide his distaste of your sight.

“is this where toji zenin lives?” he stares down at you with his scrutinising gaze; it makes you feel small.

“zenin?” you ask, confused. is he referring to toji? but his last name is fushiguro is it not?

“yes toji zenin. i heard he has a son as well. you're not the mother are you?”

is it that obvious? you wonder how the old man figured it out. regardless, you're not about to give him his answers so you stood your ground.

“i’m sorry i don't know what you're talking about.” you turn around, about to head inside when his words make you stop short.

“are you fushiguro?”

that's toji’s last name isn't it? not zenin or whatever he called it. so why is he asking you that? is he implying that you're married to toji?

“no. you have the wrong person.”

“why? did he say not to get involved with anyone from his clan?” the old man draws closer, chucking to himself. you're just there unmoving, trying to comprehend the situation and the words coming from his mouth.

“or did he not tell you that either? did he tell you anything at all?” he stands tall in front of you, tearing away bits of yourself with every word he says.

“when he returns, tell him the clan wants to propose him an offer. you can do that much at least won't you?”

…

and when toji comes home that night with the ring cluched tightly in his fist and inside the pocket of his white pants, the world stills.

he finds you in a state he has never seen you before. you look completely and utterly defeated.

“hey, what's wrong?” his hands come to caress your face so effortlessly, the ring and prior nervousness long forgotten.

“talk to me what's going on?” he looks around and the house seems emptier than usual. your laundry that were usually hanging with his were gone.

your small trinkets you placed around the house to “make it more lively” were nowhere to be found.

and there's a bag in the corner of the room which toji prays and hopes he isn't what he thinks it is.

your hands push away his own that were cupping your face. you're not even looking at him.

“say something damn it!”

you flinch and toji takes a step back. he recalls the last time you trembled in fear — when he got mad megumi called you his mom. he punishes himself for it.

“im sorry. please talk to me.” he isn't touching you now but he wants to. he wants to reach out and pull you close, as he always had done. but now there's an unbearable silence and the small distance between you both felt like lightyears away.

“who's zenin” your voice was meek, barely a whisper but toji's eyes widen. how did you find out about that?

no fuck that, he was supposed to be the one telling you. in his own time.

“i can explain” was all that came out of him. he's nervous, he doesn't know where to start. there's a lot of information to unpack and he's not sure how to do it without hurting you too much.

when he doesn't elaborate, you ask another “who's fushiguro then?” your voice falters a bit and toji curses himself for it.

but he's done running away and keeping things from you. “my… my late wife” he says wryly.

your eyes close and a shaky breath leaves your body, as if he just confirmed your worst suspicions. damn life is so funny isn't it? everything you thought you knew apparently wasn't what it seemed to be after all.

opening them again, your vision blurs and you realise tears were escaping your eyes. fuck you didn't want to cry now of all times but they won't stop.

and the way toji was looking at you, it makes you want to throw up.

“i must've been so stupid to you” you let out a humourless chuckle. “did you pretend im her?”

your gaze was sharp and so were your words. maybe all your bottled up feelings were resurfacing. it doesn't make you feel better about it but that doesn't stop you though.

“answer me. did you think of her when you're in bed with me? when you're kissing me and when you're holding me, was she the one on your mind??” your voice was loud now. you should be afraid of waking up megumi who you cradled to sleep just a few hours ago but no, your thoughts are too clouded right now.

toji sighs. he has no excuse.

“i used to” he actually looks ashamed as if he wasn't the one who did it purely out of his will.

your scoff makes him wince “but not anymore.”

his words fall on deaf ears “you know… i knew you did. but i stayed regardless because i thought there would be a chance that maybe one day, you could open up your heart to me. im not even asking for all of it, just a little… i thought you'd let me in.”

you're blabbering and honestly, so distraught.

“but not a moment was there when it was me isn't it? it was always her in the first place.”

now toji should have said something, anything but he stays there planted in place. and maybe that was your breaking point.

you turn around, grabbing your bag and brushing past him towards the door. instead of holding onto you and stopping you, toji clutches the small box containing the ring — your ring in his pocket, almost crushing it in the process, as he hears the door slam.

you think it's funny how toji did not reach out after what happened. it's poetic even. very fitting of him, till the very end, he did not give two shits about you.

so then, why were you back here?

it's been four long years since the trajectory of your life changed. you still don't know if it was for the better or for the worse.

saying it has been hard would be an understatement. it took you a long time just to get back onto your own feet but you did it regardless. however, you left a part of you here long ago and now, you're here to take it back.

that and you missed megumi dearly. perhaps it was an excuse too because you won't deny a part of you still missed toji, despite everything that happened.

standing a few feet away from the place you used to call home, you hesitate.

maybe this was a bad idea. oh this was definitely a bad idea. you'll see them, and then what? what comes after that?

closure? don't make yourself laugh. you’ll just be reminded of how you couldn't be that person for toji— how you'll always come second. and what if they moved?? there's no reason they'd still be here right?

forget this, you don't need to do this. why must you still be the one who put effort? to reach out? four long years passed and still no news means they clearly moved on... right?

you were convinced enough and was about to go back when you saw little megumi carrying a backpack on his back, seemingly coming home from school.

your feet wouldn't move and your eyes wouldn't blink. he grew up so well.

the world pauses as your gaze follows the kid you used to consider your own, now as good as a stranger.

“do you know that kid?” a voice at your back makes you whip your head around. life really is full of surprises and this time, the surprise was in the form of a tall man, no a tall kid with white hair, looking at you curiously through his round tinted glasses.

“... no i don't” well you weren't exactly lying. you don't know the megumi you see now. perhaps if he asked whether you raised him since he was a baby till he was two, then your answer would've been different.

“oh okay” the boy shrugs. “poor guy though”

“why? whats up with him?” you turn to look at megumi again who was minding his business walking home and your heart aches a little.

“I'm here to recruit him. his dad died you see so he's–”

“wait what was that??”

“his dad. he's dead” the amused boy in front of you chuckles and you stare at him, horrified.

“what happened to him?” your voice was shaky and doesn't sound like your own. he leans down to meet your eye level and smirks “why? i thought you don't know that kid. why does that matter to you?”

your stomach churns as you stare at him, not even knowing what to say— the smug expression on his face only widens.

“so you do know him.”

'know' would be a weak word to use when it comes to toji. you knew of his habits, the simple things he does and also of the more complex ones — like the exact place his scar decorated his lips and how it felt to kiss it.

then again, you don't really know anything about him and maybe you never will.

and maybe that's really, the closure you needed.

[onlyseokmins]

ash and cinders • l.s.m.

Pairing: lee seokmin x fem!reader Genres: smut (minors dni!), angst, royalty!au, fantasy!au, gods/goddesses!au Warnings: magic, mentions of blood, war, cruelty, tyranny - all that good stuff, mentions of religion (au-specific), violence (i.e. suggestion of murder), (death) threats, and possible gaslighting 💃🏻 which just means a minor power play between them at first okay 😬 i promise it's not that bad lmao i'm just paranoid, lots of making out, oral (fem. receiving), lil bit of temp play tbh, little bit of choking, uh I wrote this so long ago and just finished it so lmk if i forgot anything?? it's just basically me attempting to write prettily uwu WC: 4.24k A/N: soooo, this has been rotting in my drafts FOREVER!!! but yeah seokmin is my most darling, favorite boy i've ever stanned anyways ofc i couldn't help but use his elle magazine photos (yes that's how long this has been ROTTING) ahhhhh - ahem anyways this goes hand-in-hand with Mischief Maker so definitely recommend checking that one out too! heheh <3

He only stayed during the night.    

When the blanket of darkness covered even the moon with a hazy layer of clouds, leaving tiny twinkling stars for a traveler’s guide. The fire once dancing in the hearth dwindled down to scarlet embers barely emitting enough heat to fill the large quarters.

Not that it mattered.

Even as you lay naked amidst the silken sheets strewn upon the grand bed, the thought of your lover’s return alone was enough to engulf your body in a flame of burning anticipation that settles and simmers between your legs.

He had been gone far too long. A lengthy patrol around the surrounding territories had taken him away from your embrace. Although every morning the sun’s rays tickled your face as a sweet greeting and bathed you in a radiant light through the day, nights without him were by far the worst.    

Cold.    

Lonely.    

Dark.

On usual accounts, it was a grievous crime to keep the queen waiting. But you would forgive him for anything, wouldn’t you? It’s exemplified in the way he bursts through the doors without so much as a courteous knock that even your most trusted servants must abide by, water droplets dripping from his auburn bangs.

Despite the eagerness to see you as soon as possible, he refused to step foot into your chambers when reeking of blood after fierce combat and soiled with dirt from travel. You always protested. The gilded throne you reigned from, the heavy crown upon your head, and even the bed you shared — all were built upon those very foundations. But your lover insisted on only showcasing the glorious side of things to you.

The gold.    

The diamonds.

The luxuries.

All which adorned you by day. Glowing, glistening, and shining. Gems and jewels, fabrics woven from the highest quality quickly reduced to layers that only became a hindrance once it came time for his descent upon you. For you were absolutely beautiful clothed — this he very well knew — but when your whole body was bared naked for him and him alone? You were truly the definition of divine.

Those who dared to speak ill of you tried to foster ridiculous claims. Critical of the wealth in your possession. Mocked what they presumed was a lack of ambition. Wailed that you were a witch. A young monarch on an undeniable downfall to tyranny, one that would lead them all to hellfire and ruin.

Anything to validate that you were not worthy of the royal seal emblazoned across the lands in honor of a valiant leader with a royal bloodline still running through your veins.

Hypocrisy at its finest when you were the reason that they were bestowed or able to retain property linked to their names, money in their pockets, and a legacy to live by under your prosperous reign. Arrogant to cast down the very thing that elevated them to their current standing. But their greed would eventually come back to bite them. One day.

Even the religious sect whispered lowly, hidden in the shadows of the grand temples. Doubts that the king actually held a shred of affection for his partner — if the seldom visits seen visiting your chambers only when night falls were of any substantial evidence to go by. That he only lay with you out of duty, shackled and bound to an imposter who was never a faithful servant to the gods like they were.

Because not one of them truly believed that a god could ever favor, let alone love, a human.

You knew you were a savior to as many as you were also an enemy. A hindrance and a threat. A bold refusal to control or be controlled. There was nothing more to do other than lead your people as fairly as you judged. 

All the preposterous assumptions infuriated him — your devoted knight, unorthodox husband, and scandalous lover. But he manages to temper his fiery rage out of respect for you. Behind your ruthless, steely intent is a righteous and kind heart that always calls out for him, now fully vocalized and embellished by the sweet voice he's missed hearing dearly.

“Seokmin,” you murmur, grasping his warm hand once he's within reach.

An entity of many epithets with an existence worth a millennium beyond comprehension and full of worship. Yet his favorite phonetic combination he'd ever heard was the one that fell breathlessly from your lips. The closest the human tongue could get to a god’s true name. And his second favorite would be yours, the syllables rumbling in his chest like a song and you smiled in contentment.

He was back, he was home, and he was yours.

Even in the darkness, Seokmin glowed. The ethereal radiance surrounding the broad expanse of sinewy muscles easily proved his lofty status as the great god of the sun. But it was also his eyes, flickering with the unmistakable presence as one of many deities. The kind of power that has managed to refrain from turning you into ash and cinders.

Whether it's attributed to your resilience, a ruler born to stand out and lead, or an entirely different reason — or a mixture of all — Seokmin isn't really sure. He's not the first to appear in a human vessel nor the last, with at least twelve of his known brothers wandering the mortal world for various reasons.

He wonders if he's the first to bow his head willingly, though, holding back his more devious and destructive tendencies. To pay back tenfold the worship he's received since the beginning of time all to you — a mere human — yet nonetheless, his queen.

The event of swearing his undying fealty feels like it was yesterday. For a being that persists forever, it may as well have been that short ago. Every memory he etches and sears into his mind for eternity consists of you, and only you.

How could he forget? How was he supposed to bury away the confident smirk that graced your lovely lips? Would he ever not recall the first time he bent the knee in such desperation? Not for a trick or as a dark seduction that tumbles into a dreadful demise, a conquest for carnage, and an abuse of his powers. But instead for the good of humanity — however short of an era it may be.

And maybe… for more. One that his heart fears to admit, for it does not beat within his chest, but in a plane beyond the reach of mortals.

"Would you kill for me?"

"For you, anything," the god affirms. "I have laid waste to kingdoms, countries, empires, and even continents themselves. There is nothing I'm incapable of."

"And if I asked you to behead the entire entourage that has traveled with you?"

"… If it is what you will, then it is simply my command to follow. For you, I am a lone knight at your disposal."

Silken skirts flare out as does your anger when you turn away from the large windows in the tower's tiny excuse of a throne room — hardly fit for the heir — showcasing a brief flash of the lethal dagger strapped to your thigh. "Do you wish for my downfall before I've even risen to the throne? You expect me to be a tyrant, despised by the people I am meant to save? To lead?"

"Do you think I, a god, care what thoughts others conjure up in their silly little minds? I am to act on your behalf, get my hands dirty in lieu of you. No matter how morbid your desires may be."

Stepping closer, you lift his chin with the tip of a dull sword intended to be ornamental. But it may be even deadlier than the one hung at his side, metaphorically sharpened and honed by a rebel princess's innate rage. 

His little show of bowing means little with the way he stares straight at you without a shred of respect in those galaxy-filled irises. However, it is the mighty sun god who is taken aback by the hellfire burning in your gaze, hungry and powerful enough to rival his own as you scoff.

"I will show you what kind of queen this land needs, the methods we will follow, and the morals I wish to uphold. You will learn in order to understand them and enforce my will. Not only to help guide the vision I desire but to keep me accountable lest I stray. A critical misstep such as that is when I'll ask you to cut me down. Will you swear to do that for me?"

"… You dare question a god of what he can do? Your tiny, impudent human mind couldn't fathom a sliver of my capability."

"I dare to question what you can't or won't do."

"I told you, there is not a thing beyond my realm of —"

"Leave."

"… Your Highness?"

Painted lips curl in a snarl at the first address of your proper title since his arrival. "Begone, I said! Return when you feel like acting like the god you are, not simply a tool to be harnessed and used at will. Until then, I have no need for you."

Seokmin's jaw drops as you seat yourself back on the throne with a sneer and flick of your wrist for the guard to usher him out.

A challenge. 

He's been abandoned many times. Discarded and tossed to the side once his usefulness has been expended. He's left before betrayal can even be thought of — for no one points a blade at a god's back — but never has he been rejected.

It was only the beginning of how you would become many of his 'firsts' and all of his 'lasts'.

Seokmin is lost deep in the memory even with the feeling of your lips curling in a gentle smile against his — a stark contrast to your initial meeting. A nail grazes his chin, digging lightly into the skin to fully bring the god back to the present. 

You'd be offended by the habitual spacing out if he hadn't admitted to only getting lost in thoughts of you. Something he'd picked up during the routine patrols away. Though you strive to bring the god out of dwelling in the past when you're sitting right in front of him — the present — and deepen the kiss.

Yet he pulls away to tilt his head. "Do you remember what you offered to me?"

"Have I not offered you my all, my king?"

Charcoal lying dormant in the hearth flares back to life, emitting playful sparks when he chuckles. "After I returned to pledge my loyalty to you."

"Ah, even though I had you wait outside the gates for five days."

"Unfathomable for a god to hang around at the whim of a meager human, isn't it?"

"Meager?"

"To me? Yes." 

His warm exhale of amusement feels just like the breeze that fondly brushes your cheeks every morning despite the eternal humidity. It may very well be him because no matter how far away physically from you he is, Seokmin's essence radiates in every sunray that stretches across the grand skies and below.

He is everywhere and everything all the time. But he is here with you tonight once again, kissing the palm you'd placed on his cheek. With mischief flickering like a teasing flame in his eyes, the god brings your hand to his throat, encouraging you to splay your fingers across his Adam's apple.

You free yourself from his light grasp to run them ticklishly up and down the bumps of his vocal cords. The movements of swallowing ripples beneath the light scratch of your nails until he halts you by replacing a veined hand over yours and murmurs, "Squeeze."

"Ah — but I…"

He repeats it again louder when you fail to do as asked, not even daring to move a muscle. Simply staring in almost awe-filled hesitation until he guides you to tentatively do exactly as he states, "You would have done anything to strangle me back then, what has changed?"

"… You know what."

"Tell me," he says it like it's a command, eyes brightening and swirling with an authoritative amber hue though it's all in jest. "Tell me what it is, my queen."

Never one to be deterred, only Seokmin could render you motionless for so long. You do as you're instructed, the gentle pressure applied by your hand around his throat causes auburn eyelashes to flutter. The slight restriction to an airflow that isn't all that necessary for a god's survival has his eyes rolling back before they re-focus on you, half-hidden by hooded eyelids.

"Love," you murmur. For it is the answer to everything, is it not?

"Love," is echoed with a resounding voice that doesn't fully come from the tongue of the man beneath you, but bellows out from an otherworldly essence that surrounds the entire world and beyond. And at the same time, he speaks it so fondly because ultimately, he's addressing it as a title for you.

The god of the sun, as immortal as he might be, has died before. Mortal vessels manage to persevere for a fixed number of years and a feeble human body can only endure so much wear and tear. Yet Seokmin's soul still shines steadily onwards despite the memory of death over and over again lingering… and he unsurprisingly realizes that he wouldn't mind dying like this — by your hand. 

Was that love? 

But the amount of power, energy, and time, along with the unpredictable wiles of the creator would never guarantee him returning to you. Preservation of this human shell was of the utmost importance, the first time he's ever handled a vessel with care before.

Perhaps that was love.

Rather than be swept up in unpleasantries, he entertains the amusing thought of how much fragility you exercise with him. Having already released your grip far too quickly and instead, fiddle with the untied laces on his loose shirt.

"Love," he repeats, this time as a call in a raspy drawl of his own voice. 

"Hm. Or maybe it was… pity."

An eyebrow raises and the corners of Seokmin's mouth twitch upward. "Only my queen would dare to pity a god."

"It was for what you were. And who you weren't. I despise those uppity, repetitive displays of unwavering loyalty that either party can easily discard."

"Like the former king's imperial court."

"Yes." 

Your angered hiss is exactly the same as the first time you informed him of your plans to take down your father and his cult. The disgust and rage have barely ebbed even after all the progress made for a better future and as many years that have passed. 

Seokmin scans your expressions. He's always admired your spitfire that could rival his own flames. But in times when it burns long enough to possibly exhaust or hurt you, he worries. You're strong — he knows that — so many times he simply becomes the safe space where you can seethe aloud without interruption. 

"Would you rather grow dull and be poisoned because someone is not even worth keeping an eye on or the thrill of unpredictability? A constant sword dance that keeps each other on their toes, never deviating gazes from one another."

He smirks. "That sounds familiar."

You think back to earlier days with him. A stubborn royal and an even more stubborn deity. When did the challenging, pointed glares at one another change to simmering looks of desire?

Instead of your swords tangling together in an angry clash over a small matter, it was your tongues after a heated sparring session. How condescension switched to respect to something more passionate… more primal… more intimate.

"Perhaps so. But look at you now — look at how you shine."

His skin indeed glows a bit brighter as he melts further into the soft touch of your palm returning to his cheek. Thumb tracing constellations between the pair of moles on his cheek while your other finger follows the nearly invisible scar below his eye.

"Little blemishes," he had once told you, "even the body of a god bears its flaws after fighting on a battlefield."

You thought they only made him all the more perfect.

"And look at how I've fallen."

As if to demonstrate his murmured words, Seokmin moves at the speed of light — his normal pace — to lie on his back, umber strands of hair spread out like flames of fire against the grandiose bed's silken sheets.

Somehow, he'd positioned you on top of him. Much accustomed to the tiny displays of omnipotence here and there, you remain unbothered. Affectionately, you brush back his bangs. Fiery wisps of hair that seemingly move on their own accord with the amount of power that ripples through their thin fibers.

He might just be the most powerful among his fellow deities and you could wield all of that as your own because he sits obediently in the palm of your hand. Lays dociley among your silken sheets. What he's trying to prove to you — the hold you have over him — immediately enthralled under your spell as you play with his locks and softly whisper, "You're Seokmin. My Seokmin."

Despite your bare chest quite literally in his face, the god waits. Fully clothed in soft linens where he can feel every tempting pulse thundering in your precious mortal body on top of his. 

And still, he waits. 

His hands don't even reach out as you unlace his shirt. Though he has wrecked and ruined your body in a thrillingly sensual, blistering, and passionate heat of love-making before, tonight he gives himself over to you. Vulnerable and all yours for the taking, watching with faint amusement as you impatiently urge him to shed the rest of his garments.

"My queen."

"My king."

"There is no rush. We have all of eternity."

"Do we?" you breathe out and look him in the eyes as your fingers dance along his inner thigh. "Or is it only you, divine ruler of the everlasting dawn and never-ending night?"

"My graceful moon," Seokmin sighs and distracts you from grasping his weeping shaft, urging you to straddle his legs. You follow his will despite the object of your desires lying neglected between your bodies, coating your stomach in the molten saltiness that drips from it.

"My stars, my sky, my galaxy, my universe." Each title of affection is seared into your skin with a burning kiss to brand your body. Your cheek, your ear, your neck, your shoulder, and your hand. "Without you in it, the world ceases to exist."

"My sun, my warrior, my knight, my shield, and my sword." You repeat a version of your own display of worship and what he means to you — mimicking the same actions across his lithe body. "My love, it would do you good to live in the present with me. Must you think of a dire future so soon?"

"Each inhale of life thus returns an exhale of death. I dread every moment that brings me closer to your end."

"Such morbid thoughts you carry, my darling. Where is the fearless god that took a poisoned arrow to the heart and pulled it out without so much as a flinch?" 

"You think me weak when I'd take the blow of any weapon as long as it does not harm you."

The irony when you'd both been struck by invisible, non-lethal darts fired from the god of love's feathered bow. But the terrifying memory of Seokmin taking the assassination attempt in your place causes a rare, but true, fear twisting in your gut. The flash of life before your eyes changed the trajectory of your tactics and your relationship with the god. And as always he reassures you with what he knows to be the truth — for the most part.

"Nothing can hurt me as long as you're alright." 

"Then make me your goddess in return so that I will be invincible enough to protect you from harm's wrath too." 

"But that… you know I can't," he whimpers, "no matter how much I long to." 

A tear trickles down his cheek, crystallizing when it falls. Like many before and well after, all bodily fluids of the god will be found transformed as various tiny diamonds and gems. Tangled within the bedsheets the following morning as they always are and stored away in the queen's treasury.

Seokmin cries, not just at his frustrations, but at how you gingerly hold his hot and hardened length. Heavy in your palm that rubs and strokes it lovingly before sinking down with practiced ease, having already stretched yourself out earlier while waiting. Undulating your hips in slow, controlled circles that make him dizzy with desire. Your words pierce his chest, paining him like no sword that sliced him open could ever compare.

"If fate will not let it happen, then bury me in the ground so I can thrive beneath your warm rays that whisper sweet nothings. Let me smile up at you after winter passes while I bloom brilliantly through spring and long into the heated days of summer. Weave my soul among the stars so I may greet you in the morning and kiss you goodnight every evening. Scatter my ashes into the windy gusts of the north and down the silver rivers flowing south so I may laugh and dance in the skies alongside your sunbeams."

He sobs at the poignant emotional tug of your words, every poetry waxed by your breathy voice punctuated by a tantalizing undulation of your hips. You reassuringly clench around him, foreheads and bodies pressed together, hands clasped tightly in each other's grasp.

The god's chest heaves and the mountains on the eastern border shift to the left. Sometimes the air cools when this occurs but tonight, it shimmers and glistens as if straining against his commands. A hot wave that threatens to distort the very seam of reality itself. 

"I will always be yours," you kiss the corner of his trembling lips, "and you mine, my darling god."

"My sweet goddess, my everything… my love."

Seokmin's hips buck up anxiously and you let him lead the pace. Wild thrusts take over as he chases that high, wanting and needing to take you over that peak with him. Your body lays prone against him, along for the jostling ride as the god seeks his own pleasure through and with you. Praises and worship fall from his lips, never failing to be in awe of how your cunt molds and works his cock like a blacksmith shapes an iron rod yet he can bully it as he wants to fit him. Only him. 

You were made for the god of the sun.

Golden ichor thrums through his veins, lighting his skin in flashes like the sparks of embers. He's beautiful. Otherworldly. Your lips capture each glowing pulse of godliness that erupts beneath his flesh with a tender peck. He's all yours.

And he was made for you.

When Seokmin plunges into your welcoming warmth that is his alone to claim before he finally succumbs, it's blinding. On the other side of the earth, the sun shines a little brighter. A harsh glint that already emits a sweltering heat from its fiery nature flares even hotter in the blue sky. A blessed priestess looks up in contemplation, waving away the worried maidens who tend to her every need.

You feel his large hands — one presses in a bruising hold between your shoulders, the other on your lower back. Keeping you flush against him, holding your body to his while you welcome inside the scorching spurts of his seed within your womb that feel like lava. Your walls flutter around him and he basks in the feeling of them pulsating as you jerk your hips 

"Come," he begs out. It's loud and resounding. More of an instinctual command if anything and your body almost obeys unwittingly, unaware of his intent before he lifts you up with inhuman strength and clarifies, "Up here," and sits you on your rightful throne — his face, "where you deserve, the queen of queens. My queen. My love. My goddess."

He laps at you like a dehydrated dog. Both cleaning you up and creating an even bigger mess. Your thighs squeeze tightly around the sides of Seokmin's head, one hand tugging harshly at his hair and the other mercilessly wrinkling the silk bed sheets. His moans are sweet songs of praise but muffled as he sucks his release out of your cunt only to push it back inside with his tongue. The addition of globs of spit accompanying the still-hot, smeared mess causes your own sounds to grow much louder, writhing on top of him from the sloppy sensations.

Back and forth he repeats this a couple of times, the firm point of his nose stimulating your sore clit in his efforts. And finally, you come undone — spasming on top of Seokmin's chin and suffocating him just like he likes. Breathing and drowning in your essence, the very elixir of life.

"I shall make you mine," he whispers later, dutifully laying your deliciously aching but clean body onto freshened sheets. Your lover is ever so attentive, rarely nearly needing the same amount of aftercare he showers upon you.

For he is a god from the heavens to bestow blessings upon his desired mortal.

"I am already yours."

"But for all of eternity, it shall be so."

Satiated and content, you reach for him. He lovingly takes your hand and presses a kiss to the tip of each of your fingers. "How?"

"The Mother. She's the closest thing we have to the Creator and might be older than the universe itself. There's nothing she doesn't know so I'm sure she'll have the answers I seek."

"Must you leave so soon?"

Seokmin smiles as he pulls the sheets over your shoulders. "The sun never fails to rise, my dear. I will be back before you know it bringing with me tidings of great news."

"I'll be waiting."

Your shared kiss is soft and gentle. Sweet and full of sentiment. Indeed, you always wait for him and the sun god leaves with a full heart of hope. Little does he know, and little do you suspect, the true one lying in wait was the shadowed figure holding a poisoned dagger beneath their cloak.

And so, with the death of a queen so loved by the god of the sun… the prophecy begins.

onlyseokmins: September 2024 ©

[kaeyeahsworld]

A real pussy pleaser. Part 2

Synopsis:

“What the fuck Toji?”

“Who said you could cum tonight doll?” Toji replied, his gaze intoxicating in the mirror

Tags: toji fushiguro x female reader, smut, dirty talk, masturbation, body worship, mirror sex, suit kink, orgasm edging and denial, toji has a big dick lol, pet names (mama, baby, doll)

Read part 1 for context lol

18+

Cross posted on Ao3

MDNI and do not interact if uncomfortable

———————————-💟————————————

You should have waited. Temptation was the devil's sweetest form and now here you were in Toji’s lap, wet little cunt on the display in the mirror and being feasted on by his heated gaze, pupils utterly blown out  “Toji..please I will do anything, just let me cum, baby..-”  “Nah mama, I want to play with you tonight” he said revelling in your hot scent, a mixture of perfume and sex. 

Gently nipping along the side of your neck, Toji fell in love with you all over again. You were his reason, his purpose and his sun and moon. Even the week he was away, if he wasn't focused on his work, you were all he could think about. Your sweet little texts always checking upon him, cute selfies that you would randomly send while grocery shopping and your corny little pickup lines and banters that had him smiling at his phone even mid-meetings. You were just as a adorable as bunny and you liked fucking like one too. 

Slowly unbuttoning his white shirt and loosening his tie, Toji took in your needy expression and heavy breaths and quickly turned you around, your beautiful tits in his face and cunt on his muscular thigh, straddling him. 

“Do you wanna be a darling for me girl?” Toji enquired, a playful smirk donning his handsome features, highlighting his scar “Yes Toji, anything-” “Then ride my thigh, show me how much you missed me, how much you are aching for me at this moment. But you will not let yourself come alright?”  “That's so unfair-ahhhhh-” Even before you could finish Toji grabbed your hips and ground you to his thighs, your perky luscious tits in his warm mouth, being sucked and teased upon. 

  Having no control of yourself and grinding your hips on his thigh like a whore in heat, you couldn't be more embarrassed and turned on by yourself at the same time. A confident ferocious lady in the usual and here you were putty in Toji’s arms and you knew it in your soul that he was the only man capable of doing this. Angling yourself and now rubbing your clit over his thigh, wetness just drooling from your hole and dripping over his pants, you were so close.

Just the right pleasure, just the right amount of friction and just the right amount of pain with Toji leaving coloured love marks all over your chest and neck.

But Toji knew your body like the back of his hand, your telltale signs when you are about to cum, erratic breathing, lower moans, and sloppy movements, he lifted you off of his thigh at just the right moment and kissed you hard enough, tongue all over, wet and exploring. “Hm—tojiiii–lemme..jus-..cum” you begged through the kiss “So fucking desperate. God baby you are gonna be the death of me” It suddenly struck Toji, what you need the most at this moment 

“Gimme a second” he said and went to the nearest drawer beside your bed and grabbed the skin-color bullet vibrator.

Toji’s dick was big but not his ego when it came to your pleasure. He was all in for anything that had you trembling and crying out. It was gonna be his name anyway at the end of the day. 

“Toji- I don't know about that- I am too sensitive right now”  “That's exactly why mama. A few more rounds of edging and when you start moaning my name like a prayer, that's when I will let you unfold like the prettiest flower you are”  His saccharine words, a stark contrast to his sadistic actions, had your mind and pussy reeling.   As he turned on the vibrator to its highest setting and latched it onto your already throbbing clit, your moans now were guttural. “I-can’t tojiiii—uhmmph!!-” “Yes you can my girl, hold it in and be a good one”

The sight in front of Toji almost had Toji come in his pants. You being a glorious hot mess, lips bruised, marks claiming you as his and rutting into the vibrator so desperate and utterly in your raunchy world.  Once again, right before you could cum Toji turned the damned thing off

-- 4th time was Toji’s limit, his cock bursting through his pants and your eyes so glossy and cheeks tear-stained. He surprised himself with how long he could go without stuffing himself in your warm cunt but it was gonna be worth the pleasure (or torture) he had put you through.  His precious woman was willing to be edged as long as he wanted to. “Thank you so much baby, you were such a darling yeah? So pretty and good for me.” 

Little did Toji know that all his words were just being directed straight to your aching cunt that had you sobbing into Toji’s broad shoulder.  “Wanna–cum..toji.. Stop being mean..ahh- ple-” “I know love, gonna make you see stars, you trust me right?” 

And he did. With the vibrator ruining your insides and Toji’s hand skillfully massaging your clit, it was game over. As much as he wanted to be gentle, he was enormous and his power even more. Clutching onto him for dear life, the sensations and the filthy wetness of your squelching pussy, you were a babbling lovely mess 

“Ahh- uhhh- toji, wait not so fast, too sensitive–hmmph!” and before you could register what was happening, the taut tension in your tummy had uncoiled, squirting and spraying all over Toji’s suit and hand and making you see white. “Good fucking girl, ruining my suit huh love fuckkk” Toji was smiling ear to ear, genuinely proud of how much you had held on, your release just as much of a relief for him, his heart pounding and your mind drowning in pleasure.

Coming down from your high, Toji was now peppering kisses all over your face, from your eyes to your cute nose and showering you with praises, making you oblivious to the fact that in the next round, it would be his cock up your tight pussy, giving you a show of the universe this time. 

———————————-💟————————————

Notes:

"he would not fucking say that" *continues writing anyway*

i realized i need to get more elaborate when writing smut and i am trying to work on that. college has been hectic and I'm posting this on my day off lol (will try to edit it when i can) lemme know how you like it take care sweets

[makethatelevenrings]

well since you've got me thinkin' of the bats again,

what do you think their Oh Shit moment would be? Like that single moment where they realise This Is It? Cuz I can't stop thinking about it. Like imagine just sitting in the living room with Jason on a lazy day and you turn and he's kinda just staring at you with this lovesick look and you ask whats up and he just shakes his head and looks away smiling like an idiot cuz ah shit, this is the life he wants.

Or or or you're out grocery shopping or smth with Bruce and it kinda hits him somewhere through the point of entering the store and picking up 5 different cereal boxes that he genuinely wants this forever and ever

and ahhhhh like this could go so angsty but also so sweet?

ANYWAY I REALLY LIKE YOUR WRITING IT MAKES ME HAPPY

<3

Ok ok I thought about this the entire drive home!!!!

Bruce - the two of you are visiting an orphanage that’s Wayne Enterprises is interested in funding (in reality, he’s investigating them for embezzling funds and child abuse). You came as Wayne’s dazzling arm piece to draw more press, but he knew you were much more than tabloid fodder. You couldn’t care less about listening to the director drone on and on about how much he was doing (read: not doing) and when a small hand tugs on the hem of your pants, you immediately kneel on the dirt stained floor and give the child your full, undivided attention. You nod along, ask questions, and make the child feel as though they’re special. You show them that someone cares. Bruce watches this with his heart pounding in his chest. He remembers a time when a young orphan was ignored by the world unless they were able to manipulate him and use him for their own agenda, to make themselves look good. He realizes with a jolt that you see him. You see the orphan boy in the alley, the broken man in the cape, and the actor in his suit. You see all of him and you give him your whole attention. Oh.

Dick - For you, it’s just an offhanded comment made as the two of you walk through the crowded streets of Bludhaven. “There’s a halal market on the next street. Can we stop and grab Damian some gulab jamun and namoura? He’s been stressing over his grades recently and I know it’s not much, but hopefully it’ll cheer him up.” A bolt of warmth strikes through his chest as he realizes that you’ve memorized Damian’s favorite desserts. You researched halal foods and the local markets. You checked in on Damian, listened to his frustrations, and read his tells better than anyone. He recalls how you’ve made these passing remarks about all of his siblings. How long have you taken care of them in this subtle, gentle way of yours? He laces his fingers with yours, lays a kiss to your temple, and lets you lead the way to the market.

Jason - The sun that slips through the linen curtains Alfred hung up one day bathes Jason in a delicate glow. He reclines on the couch, your head on his chest and legs tangled together, with a book in his hand. You’re half asleep but he whispers the words he reads regardless. How long has it been since he felt this relaxed? Your soft breaths release in little puffs that tickle the skin of his wrist, but he refuses to move. He doesn’t want to wake you up. He wants to lay in this position for the rest of his life. He wants to be with you for the rest of time, until the scythe of death comes calling for him once more, and he places himself between you and the Grim Reaper.

[vase-of-lilies]

How about a one shot of mommy getting mad at mama because when we pout mama all of a sudden forgets the rules. Oh, no ice cream before bed? Forgotten. Only 30 minutes of tv time ? Nope . Baby’s in the corner for saying no when told to clean toys ? No she’s not. Only three sweets a day? Never ! Baby’s not allowed on mama’s motorcycle? Well, just this once ( this was mommy’s snapping point, at mama of course. Because we didn’t know any better ) for the tiny tiger au please :)

What Rules?

Paring: Mommy!Wanda Maximoff x Little!Reader (f) x Mama!Natasha Romanoff

Warnings: Heavy MD/LG, dark AU, Nat is defiant and mad at Wanda, literally Nat is a menace and honestly it takes after Tiny lol, rule-breaking, mentions of spanking

A/n: I love this, omg. I feel like because Nat grew up in such a tight-knit childhood, she would be SO lenient with rules when Wanda wasn’t watching 😂 I LOVE this request AHHHHH Thank you for sending it in! And thank you for the kind words!

Natasha was never able to do what she wanted when she was young. Being in the widow program was a torturous process and was under a hawk-like rule enforcement. So whenever she could, she would let you have some leniency with the rules that Wanda and her have set for you.

Those rules and punishments were posted on the refrigerator door;

No big girl words (cussing) - Soap in mouth

Clean up toys after playing and put them in their home - In the corner in time out for 10 minutes

30 minutes of TV a day - No TV for 24 hours

No sweets before dinner or before bed - No sweets for 2 days

Not allowed on Mama's motorcycle while in little space - 10 spanks

You were very obedient when you should be! But of course, when on the days you were fussy or didn't get enough sleep, these were the days you pouted. Your mommy was not happy when you were not happy so she allowed you to break some of these rules to cheer you up.

On a cloudy Tuesday morning, you woke up very grumpy. Wanda couldn't tell if it was a bad dream, hunger, or just plain old defiance that you woke up with, but she was quick to soothe you as she did every morning by feeding you.

This morning, however, the usual things didn't help you. Wanda was perplexed so she requested Nat to help you instead. When she came into the room she frowned as she saw you sniffling with your lion clutched to your chest.

"Hi my little love, whats going on today?" Nat asks, sitting down on your bed next to her wife. You didn't answer, your only response was whimpers of distress as you hid your face against Leo's head. Your mama gently tickles your arm and looks to Wanda, silently letting her know she can do what work she needs to do today.

"How about we have some play time? Do you want to play with your legos?" Your eyes lit up at the sound of playing with your new Lego set Uncle Tony bought you. It was the set you had always wanted; a lego vase with more blocks to make four (4) flowers to go inside of it. Wanda was against it at first, knowing that you like to suck on things, but you promised that you would have your paci when you played so you kept the legos out of your mouth.

Natasha helped you read the instructions while you built, and Wanda worked on her laptop in the mushroom tent in the corner of your room. She was contemplating telling Bucky about you, knowing that his health has gone downhill since your "death." Wanda still cares about Bucky and knows when you are in your adult head space you miss him greatly. But now wasn't the time.

Wanda's head snapped up at the sound of clapping from you, your little vase of Lego flowers now complete.

"Good job, Tiny! Look how pretty!" Nat said, giving your hair a little ruffle from her hand. You giggle in response and stand up with Leo, leaving the mess of extra pieces and wrapping on the floor.

Wanda follows you with her head as you walk out of the bedroom and then looks back at her wife, trying to find an explanation as to why you didn't clean up.

"What was that about? She needs to clean up her mess," Wanda states, closing her laptop and getting up from the mushroom tent. "You knew that, love..." She folds her arms as Nat stands as well.

"I just wanted to give her a break, she woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I'll have her clean up later, ok?" Natasha made the excuse, knowing exactly what she was doing by allowing you to break this rule. She kisses Wanda's head and then her lips, saying softly, "Get some work done, ok? I know you have been real busy with Y/n, so take a much needed break."

Wanda smiled at her wife, leaning her forehead against Nat's chin, sighing in relief. "Thank you, love. And please, keep her in line, ok? I don't want any more rules to be broken."

Her wife only nods and kisses her head once more. Gently, Nat pats Wanda's bum and she chuckles as looks down at the mess you made. Ignoring it now, she goes to the living room where you are sat on the couch watching [enter favorite cartoon], the volume on low.

Nat sits down next to you and lets you cuddle against her, your paci in your mouth and Leo in your arms.

Thirty (30) minutes go by, and you stay as still as possible. You didn't want to remind your mama of the time limit. However, she already knows this limit doesn't apply to you today. She smiles as she pulls you into her arms and you lay against her chest. Your eyes are glued to the TV, the soft colors of the cartoon occupying your brain.

An hour and a half later, you have now fallen asleep for your daily nap and Wanda was confused as to what Nat was doing. She heard the TV going for much longer than thirty (30) minutes and came to check on you. You were in and out of sleep, still watching the TV as you tried to stay awake.

Wanda sat next to you and put your head in her lap, brushing a very obvious ice cream stain from your chin. Nat was no longer watching you as she left you to watch TV to go work on her widow gear. She came in through the backdoor and smiled at her wife on the couch, not paying attention to Wanda's angry face.

"Hi, love! Is she asleep for her nap yet?" She asks, starting to clean the two ice cream bowls in the sink. Wanda nods and looks down at your sleeping face in her lap, sighing as she shakes her head in disappointment.

"I have a little bit more to work on, are you going to be good?" Wanda asks her wife this time, the redhead responding with a small chuckle and a nod.

"Of course, I only want the best for all of us." She says softly, tucking a third chocolate bar behind the coffee maker to hide it. She plans on giving it to you after your nap, and one more right before bed.

"Ok..." Wanda says hesitantly, laying your head back on your pillow and laying a soft blanket over you. "I love you, tiny, sleep tight." She whispers, kissing your head.

After your nap, Nat is there to greet you with not one (1), but TWO (2) chocolate bars! Today could not have been better! You ate the sweets with a smile on your face, sighing as you finished the last square. "Nummy..." You say, looking up at your mama.

"Why don't we do something else? What ever you want to do, love, just name it." Natasha said, knowing full well that you would want to break another rule.

Immediately you think of what you want to do. "Bike! Bike!" Nat smirks and nods softly. "As you wish! Let's go before Mommy sees!"

You nod and stand up, holding Nat's hand while you walk to the garage. Wanda was suspicious, so she checked on the cameras to see what you were doing. She was furious when she saw you on top of your mama's motorcycle, pretending to drive it. Your caregivers agreed to have this rule for your safety, and Nat was going completely against it.

Stomping to the garage, Wanda slams the door open. You jump and your eyes widen as you see your mommy in the doorway. Tilting your head, you look back to your mama, curious as to why Wanda was so angry. Nat let you do this, so it wasn't really breaking a rule, right?

Wanda makes her way over to you on the bike and lifts you off of it, gripping your wrist and pulling you back inside. Nat instantly follows, stopping Wanda before she is able to punish you.

"Wanda! Wait! It was my fault, don't punish her, she didn't know better." Nat's words make Wanda freeze.

"You allowed her to get on your bike?? First, you don't put her in time out for not cleaning up, and then you let her watch an hour and a half of TV. And don't think I didn't see the ice cream stains and the chocolate wrappers in the garbage can. Now this? What has gotten into you??"

Wanda removes you from over her lap and lets you sit on the couch. Watching your mommy stand up, she approaches your mama. "I understand that this is hard with Bucky trying to get to us. But we run a tight ship here and I need you to bring all hands on deck. If this happens again, there will be more consequences."

Natasha sighs and nods in understanding. "Can I at least give her the last chocolate bar? I promised her she could have it after she brushes her teeth..."

Wanda presses her hand to her head and looks up at Nat. "You know the goddamn answer to that."

The two women laugh together, moving to the couch to give you a stern talk about Mama letting you break the rules.

"Remember, even if Mama or Mommy says you can break a rule, tell her you want to be a good girl. Do you understand, Tiny?"

You nod, still confused about what happened today. Your mind was clouded and you just wanted to be with your mommies now, and that was what they gave you. All the attention you could ever need.

[the0retically]

Wonderlust #1: One Man’s Trash:

Thoughts below! :)

- The intro is so cool I love this

- The different camera angels??? Holy shit??

- Oh god the voice Charlie is already doing, can’t wait for this character to destroy me emotionally

- This combat is insane oh my god??

- Troy’s dad?? Who is that

- Condi just on the other side is so funny to me like hi Canada man

- Charlie is just truly spitballing and has no thoughts behind it love it

- TROY IS JUST DOWN??

- Damn poor Troy lost the big race

- One more race!

- God Troy is such a jock I love him

- “Thanks to your father” oh?? Hmmm

- He has a fountain and it has the only running water that is Very sus

- Troy has a concussion????? Also may seems sweet and Troy is just so—love him

- Love the repeated “Troy math Troy math”

- Please he’s trying so hard to be cool and prove himself

- “My dad is gonna turn you into a clock?” HUH???

- Poor bizly this npc is cool and Charlie is making him just buzz

- He’s crying :(

- May??

- He lost his sled??

- OH THE MUSIC SLAPS

- THE ART!!!!!

- THIS IS SO COOL

- The green screen change!!

- Bizly is so good at descriptions I love his style of dming

- RUNT!!!!

- Oh I love runt so much

- :((((((( the street rats :(((((( I love them

- :( a match lights the dark room I MISS RIPTIDE

- I love uncle threestrings oh my god he’s so cool

- If anything happens to him I’m going to cry

- Also…….runt…??? You’re sick, you ok?

- Runt are you my chronic pain/chronic illness Queen?

- “Use this on your knee twice a day!” UNCLE THREESTRINGS WITH KNEE PAIN !!!!!

- Also love his singing it’s so fun

- This tunnel is cool heist time

- Oof runt is getting pinched to death, girl??

- Runt took it apart!! Love her little artificer girl!

- :(((((( she sees the stars and the moon

- The music is so cool I love this

- “Nothing else you’re just gonna open the door?” BIZLY NO RUNTS CURIOUS

- Uh oh, three loud bangs

- Oh doppler was taken, yikes I don’t think anyone but runt is getting out of this

- Please it’s not even roll initiative it’s just roll to run away

- Runt :(((((

- Tell her what? ………..if they lose people they don’t go after them? Oh god

- Interestingggggggg runt isn’t telling them about the crystal

- OH THE VIBE CHANGE??? Uncle T please there was a tragedy and you’re just playing your banjo

- God runt is just a kid

- Grizz and Bizly laughing about the big circle in the sky and being confused on who put it there please that’s so funny

- PINCH????? HES BACK?

- Runt isn’t allowed back up there :(

- She was just curious :( give her another chance!! :((((( runt

- oh, she can’t even go there to say hi and show stuff, runt :(((((( my sweet girl I’m so sorry

- “Dude he gets so hyped about the cups” YAY!!!!

- Yeah at least Runt didn’t shit her pants

- Aim sees the rock? Hmmm, runt didn’t you want that to be secret

- …………does this belong to Blink?

- CONDI TIME!!!!! BLINK!!!!!!!!

- I love his design so much

- Gotta love the belts, true Condi design!!!!

- The vixens??

- “She’s looking for you” “aeon’s always looking for me” OH????

- God gram-gram just stealing the box from blink, please??

- PLEASE???? She just makes him do side quests????? That’s so funny

- BIZLYS FACE BROKE ME “if I was reasonable person I would never” “but you will :D cause you’re not reasonable are you!” Just the soft smile, it’s so funny to me

- Please granny trying so hard to make blink and aeon friends again AHHHHH AEON’S HERE

- “An iron fist huh? Actually it’s leather, gets the job done” AHHHH HELLO??

- HELLO AEON! She’s so pretty!!

- “Was it the street rats?” “Shut your fucking mouth!” PLEASE

- :((((( blink doesn’t have a house

- “What do I get out of this” “a warm feeling in your heart?” This is such a cool dynamic I love this

- Oh god she punches Blink??

- WAIT TROY!!!!!! HES HERE AND JUST WANDERING AROUND??????

- The art!!!!! Troy just chasing Blink????? Oh my god??? “Don’t play hard to get with me, I’ll fucking catch you!” WHAT?

- He just sleds after him oh my god??????

- “What is your costume made out of” TROY PLEASE????

- “There’s no need to be such a freak” TROY?????

- He thinks it’s a convention??????

- “Is that like a slur?” TROY OH MY GOD?????

- Not Troy telling Blink that they need a hole to throw their trash down???? Oh my god??? That’s crazy

- “I don’t know I’m not supposed to tell you!” Troy?? What do you mean by that?

- Troy with a concussion!!!!! He’s just like me!! “I’ll protect a worse one and that’ll undo it” I—

- Troy just thinking that Blink is in character is so funny

- “Dude hey, you look stressed” Troy please??

- “No one’s chasing you, no one’s sticking with you because they may have ulterior motives!” Troy, baby boy, you’re dumb

- Ok so Troy may have already been with the vixens?? Or it’s something else I don’t know? Or it’s just him wanting to get back up

- The imagery is so clear I love it I can see these characters and where they are

- Please they just made up random ass names for themselves

- Troy my guy be better

- “I will crush 30 of these I won’t even blink…oh sorry” TROY OH MY GOD

- Environmentalist activist blink! Let’s go!

- “I’m gonna be Frank” “WHO THE FUCK IS FRANK?” Oh my god

- PLEASE TROY IS SO FUNNY???? He’s a jock that just is so incredibly dumb

- Oop Troy with daddy issues

- I—Charlie is just so lost in Troy right now

- “You know sometimes I think about guys!” TROY????

- Troy stop talking pleaseeeee

- Oh god blink just running away with troy

- Bizly is rolling so badly this session oh my god

- “A blunt arrow comes whizzing by your head” “a blunt what? I smoke it” HUH?

- How are they even doing this??

- “You definitely don’t make it 30 feet up” “well to me it feels like that!”

- “I lost this cast iron a couple years ago” TROY?????

- A NAT 1 AND A NAT 20 OH MY GOD????

- Graphite seems cool!

- Troy peak adhd boy, love him

- “You just say things don’t you?” “….Troy”

- I miss runt

- RUNT!!! SHES WATCHING THEM

- ohhhhh blink was in the apothecary before

- She’s been tailing them!!

- THIS WAS SO COOL!!!! I LOVED IT!!! IT WAS SO GOOD

[theetherealbloom]

UNEVEN ODDS - CH. 5

Chapter Five: Our Mistakes Were Bound To Be Made

Summary: The Reader is dragged into the Last of Us universe and has no choice but to watch the events unfold or will she be able to change what was already written?

Paring: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Age-gap Romance, Violence, ANGST, Swearing, Suicide, reader in this chapter thinking of unalive, tiny fluff, PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, Crying, Suggestive content, the pandemic, character death, Zombies, eventual SMUT, MY SCIENCE IS WONKY, probable plot holes, rusty writing, TLOU is dark please read at your own risk!

Word Count: 10.8k

A/N: HELLO! WOW UM YOU GUYS ARE SO KIND AND SWEET AND AHHHHH every time I write I get so fricken nERVOUS bcs I want to do it right and I heckin’ put a lot of pressure on myself every time I create something and I want it to be good and now I’m slowly beginning to realize I’m a perfectionist AHKJFHAHA But it’s so worth it, I always look forward to your comments and feedback and warms my heart to see you all enjoying the series so far! ALRIGHT go go go go!

(P.S. UHHH THIS GIF MAKES ME GO FERAL DASKJJFHASKDGH WHY AM I SMILING SO WIDE RN PLS I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR HIM HNGGGG)

Song: hate to be lame (feat. FINNEAS) by Lizzy McAlpine Previous Chapter -> Next Chapter | Series Masterlist

TLOU WORLD - 2023

KANSAS CITY – MIDNIGHT

Joel has his large frame covering your body and you’re trying to steady your breathing. His fingers are still gripping your waist tightly, feeling them pressing onto your skin. You hear Henry speak in a commanding voice, “Eyes on me. Eyes on me.” You and Joel slowly bring your eyes to him, while yours are wide with fear like Ellie’s, Joel’s eyes are narrowed in anger. He’s pissed at himself right now.

Henry has the gun pointed at Ellie, who was kneeling with her hands up, he speaks again, “You don’t have to worry about what to say. We don’t want to hurt you. We wanna help you.” Joel only utters a single word, “Okay.” Henry shifts his weight, making it clear he’s never done this before, “Okay, um…” You try and speak up, “Henry, please put down the gun–” This takes him aback and he sputters in anger, “How the fuck do you know my name?” Your body flinches at the sound of his rising voice and fear of what he would do.

Joel’s gaze darkens, it was like as if a switch had flipped, his vein is close to popping out of his neck, he is the turbulence and wrath all at once, and he shouts at Henry, “Don’t fuckin’ talk to her like that. Only talk to me.” You and Ellie look at him, mouths slightly parting and blinking up at him in shock. There is a sudden pause that fills the fair, and Henry understands that you were important to him, just like the girl who was kneeling in front of him. He shifts his weight again to his other side and speaks calmly this time, “I don’t know what the next step is with something like this but if I lower my gun we didn’t hurt you so you don’t hurt us. Right?”

Joel stares at him with daggers in his eyes, and refuses to warm his tone as he replies, “That’s right.” Henry blinks twice and nervously says, “That’s a weird fucking tone, man.” Ellie is quick in trying to diffuse the situation, “That’s just the way he sounds. He has an asshole voice.” She turns to stare pointedly at him and says, “Joel, tell him he’s okay.” You softly say, “Joel, please.” A beat passes, but Joel doesn’t let up, his voice becomes colder, and stares unwaveringly as he looks at Henry, “Everything is great.”

Ellie lets out an exasperated sigh, “Dude.” While Henry lets out a curse, “Fuck!” His hands are shaking and you get to hear the rattle of the gun as he speaks, “Okay. Listen. I’m gonna trust you.” Henry lifts his arm to get Sam’s attention, the young boy turns his head to his older brother who begins to use sign language, “I’m going to trust him.” Sam signs back to him asking, “Are you sure?” And Henry reassures him, “Yes.” His voice rises again, “But if either of you guys try anything…” He points the gun closer to Ellie’s head, indicating what he means, “Yeah?”

Ellie replies with an unsteady, “Yeah.” And Sam steps off of you and Joel, no longer perched up above you. You feel his grip loosen a bit, but his presence is still there. Joel thinks for a second and asks Henry, “Can we sit up?” And he replies simply, “Yeah. Slow. Get up slow.”

You feel his hands leave your hips and slowly remove himself from you, and you and he sit up slowly, doing as you were told. Joel asks for verification, “Is your name, Henry?” He nods, “Yeah, my name’s Henry. That’s my brother, Sam. I’m the most wanted man in Kansas City. Although right now… my guess is you’re running a close second.” Henry lowers the gun from Ellie’s head, and the uneasiness of the situation dissipates a little bit. You feel your throat closing up as you stare at Sam and Henry, two characters whose futures were written with crayons and coloring books. It was misspelled and outside the lines, and you know their stories end in tragedy.

You, Joel, and Ellie sat across from Henry and Sam, in a fully formed circle. They had asked if you had any food and you nodded, grabbing the remaining packs of food from your bag. The lamp in the center illuminated the room, brushing aside the dark and making room for the bright. You were all chewing and eating quietly, discomfort hanging in the air, a scale waiting to tip off balance, this alliance that had been formed through force and tension.

While chewing, Henry decides to break the silence to ask, “Where’d you get these?” Ellie chirpily replies, “From Bill. He’s dead.” Your lips form into a frown at her words, even though you haven’t met Frank and Bill, the thought of them always causes your eyes to glaze over, your gaze now distant, over the memory of their love and how it ended. Not knowing what to say, the two brothers keep quiet at her statement.

Joel is busy glaring at Henry, unhappy and pissed at his presence, but his overwhelming sense of responsibility takes over and looks to the younger kid Sam, he crumples up the wrapper and gives his remaining food to him. He smiles and taps Henry’s shoulder, signing a thank you, and telling Joel, “He says thank you. I’m guessing you don’t have much, so this means a lot.”

Joel doesn’t say anything and he’s completely stoic, you decide to look at Sam and give him a small wave and you begin to move your hands and arms to sign and speak, “How old are you?” Everyone looks at you in surprise, not expecting what you had done, Henry raises an eyebrow, “You know ASL?” And you nod and signed as you spoke so Sam could also understand, “I’m close with my cousin, she’s deaf. I decided to take up classes early on so I could gossip to her about boys every time she came over after school without my parents finding out.”

Joel can’t take his eyes off of you, his compartmentalization is cracking and this close to shattering. He wonders how he got so lucky to have you with them, and this contrast with Joel’s abject terror at having to feel any sort of fondness or emotions towards you and Ellie. He’s trying to find a reason for him to be angry, to lash out at you for being so kind in an upside-down world, but he can’t bring himself to. 

Sam smiles and signs to you, “Eight.” Ellie smiles and says “Cool. I’m Ellie.” And you sign her name for him, and he nods in understanding, you also sign your name and he smiles at you, what a beautiful kid. Ellie then wacks Joel on the knee so he could be polite and introduce himself, he looks at the girl with a frown, and she persists him, he sighs, “I’m Joel. Look, you ate, we didn’t kill each other let’s call this a win-win and move on.” Henry cleans his hands and swallows the rest of his food, “Well, I’m betting that ya’ll came up here to get a view of the city and plan a way out. And when the sun’s up I’ll show you one.”

TLOU WORLD - 2023

OFFICE BUILDING, KANSAS CITY – DAY

“Welcome to Killa City.” Henry says as you three look out the large glass window, “No FEDRA.” Joel states and Henry confirms this, “Not as of ten days ago, no.” Joel has his arms crossed over his chest, while you stand beside him, he says, “We always heard KC FEDRA was…”

“Monsters? Savages? Yeah, you heard right.” Henry said and he recounts what happened in those walls, “Raped and tortured and murdered people for twenty years. And you know what happens when you do that to people? The moment they get the chance, they do it right back to you.” You shudder at the thought of that, for twenty years FEDRA raped, tortured, and murdered for sport, all because they had the opportunity and power to do as they pleased. “But your not FEDRA?” Joel asks him, Henry looks up at him, “No, worse. I’m a collaborator.”

“What’s a collaborator?” You ask, and Joel answers you, “He’s a rat. I don’t fuckin’ work with rats,” He’s turning and about to usher you away but Henry is swift as he retorts, “Yeah, you fucking do. Today you do because I live here and you don’t. That’s how I followed you here. I know this city, and that’s how I’m gonna help you get out.” Joel’s eyes narrow in suspicion, “Why help us?”

“I saw what you did. What you both did. The way you killed those men.” His eyes shift to look at you and Joel subtly steps in front of you to block him from staring at you, his protective instinct taking over, Henry stares at Joel again, “Now, I know where to go but I don’t know how to make it through alive. Not if it’s just me and Sam.”

“You seem capable enough. You’re armed.” Joel says and Henry shakes his head, “You’re wrong and wrong. Never killed anyone. And pointing an unloaded gun at both of you was the closest I’ve ever come to being violent. So that’s the deal. I show the way. You clear the way.”

A laugh from Ellie and Sam causes the three of you to bring your eyes to them. They’re reading Ellie’s pun book and giggling to themselves. Henry has made a major admission to the two of you, that their guns were not loaded. Joel faces the window again, trying to decide, and you hug yourself with both your arms and listen to Henry say, “Haven’t heard that in a long time.”

“So how are we getting out?” Joel asks reluctantly with both hands on his hips, he has no other option but to let Henry lead the way. He grabs a piece of paper, places it on the conference table, then uses a pencil and begins to draw a map of the area, he begins to explain how to cross the highway, “Highways, downtown.” He points to the center of the paper, “Us.” He circles a specific area of the map, “This whole area belongs to Kathleen.”

“She’s in charge?” Ellie questions next to you, “Leader of the resistance,” Henry confirms, “You can see the way we’re bounded by highways. They got people posted all around the inside perimeter. If we get close, we get caught. No question. So how do we get across?” Henry bangs on the table, the vibrations getting caught with Sam’s senses, he looks to Henry and signs to him, “How do we get across?” The young boy nods and writes across the Woody Woodpecker doodle pad, and he holds up the board, “Tunnels.”

Henry snaps his fingers, “Boom.” And Joel is perplexed as he questions, “Kansas City has a subway?” The older brother looks down before replying, “No, but they do have maintenance tunnels. There’s a bunch of buildings all put up by the same developers. And they share these tunnels, including… a bank building here.” He begins to draw on the sheet of paper again the graphite leaving marks on it, “So we enter the tunnels here travel underground, and pop up here. Westside North. Residential.” Joel has his mouth twisted to the side while you’re trying to process all the information being said by Henry, “There’s an embankment on the other side of the houses. We head down, pedestrian bridge over the river,” he claps his hand for emphasis, “free as a bird.”

“You’re right. That’s a great plan. So, what do you need me for?” Joel his voice was deep and stern as he asked, Henry, licks his lips nervously and takes a breath before replying, “You noticed anything strange about this city? I mean, other than the strange shit you’ve already seen.” You’re quick to reply, “There’s no infected above ground.”

“Bingo, damn she knows ASL and she’s observant, you’re pretty smart,” Henry says and you stare wide-eyed at his compliment, not knowing how to take it. Joel, however, is clenching his fist, and scowling at him. He clears his throat, uncomfortable and intimidated, “FEDRA drove them underground fifteen years ago and never let them come back up. It’s the only good thing those fascist motherfuckers ever did.”

“So you want us going into a tunnel?” Joel states and Henry quickly defends himself, “Everyone thinks that it’s full of Infected including Kathleen, which means that we’re not gonna be running into any of her people. But you see, what I know is it’s empty.” He smiles smugly and Joel is skeptical, “You’ve been down there?” Henry replies with a meek, “No,” Joel takes a deep, frustrated, breath, about to chew him out but Henry pushes on, “but the FEDRA guy that I worked with told me that it’s clean, completely clean. They cleared it out. All of it.”

“When?” Ellie asks this time, “Like three years ago.” Henry replies, and Joel tsked at him while placing both palms on the table, shaking his head in disapproval, he responds with, “Okay, maybe, there’s one or two but you handle it.” Joel looks up at him, “What if there’s more?” Ellie adds, “And one of those blind ones that sees like a bat?” Henry looks surprised, “Wait, you ran into a clicker?” The young girl acts brave, “Two of them.” He then says proving his point, “And you’re still alive. You see? You’re the right people. If it gets bad down there we turn around and run right back out the same way we came.” Joel pushes himself off the table, puffing his chest, “That’s your great plan?” Henry shoots back, “No, that’s my dicey-as-fuck plan. But as far as I could tell,” he shrugs, “it’s our only shot.”

Joel sighs and you hear a thumping sound from the table, it’s coming from Sam, and he signs, “What are they saying?” Henry looks to you for an answer, and immediately your gaze is fixed on Joel, the temper in his eyes cool down and soften, this tells you all you need to know, you look to Sam as you speak and sign to the young boy, “We’re going to help you escape.”

TLOU WORLD - 2023

BANK BUILDING, KANSAS CITY – DAY

The group makes their way across the street and into the abandoned bank. The tall glass windows made you restless, if one of the rebels drove by someone could spot you easily. Joel reads your mind as he says, “We need to get out of sight.” Henry takes a look around and spots the entrance, “Uh, I think it’s this way.” Joel nods and the group breaks into a jog to the right-side hallway of the bank building. The squeak of the door fills breaks the silence and the shine of flashlights chase away the darkness. All of you enter, and Henry says to Joel, “This should be it. You ready?” Joel shifts his gaze to Ellie and then you, “Get your gun out.”

Ellie smiles and pulls it out of her jacket pocket and you do the same, Joel begins to take the lead and you trail behind him. He pushes the large metal maintenance door, shining his flashlight and making sure it’s clear. “See, it’s empty. The plan is good.” Henry says optimistically, and you shake your head, pinching the bridge of your nose. You hear Joel shush him, “The plan is good? We’ve been down here for two seconds. We don’t know anything.” Henry leans back a little, tilting his head at Ellie and you, “You’re dad’s kind of a pessimist.” And in synchronized fashion, the two of them reply, “He’s not my dad.” While Joel says, “I’m not her dad.” You nearly laugh and hide your face with one of your hands as the other was currently holding the flashlight and gun. Henry doesn’t say anything and Joel begins to give instructions, “Just point your light forward and be ready to run.”

You walk a few paces behind Joel with Ellie right behind you, the sound of footsteps echoes in the tunnel, and with every step, you hear the sound of the cement beneath your boots. After what seems like an hour, you take a left, to a section of the tunnel, and stumble across a colorful entrance, one you instantly recognize from one of the scenes in the video game. A castle is painted at the entrance of the door, and blue covers the walls representing the sky, people were drawn on them, child-like in manner. Flowers were painted, along with hills and rainbows.

Ellie lets out a quiet, “Woah,” as your lights bounced around the walls to admire and inspect them. You see Sam about to open the door but Joel stops him while shaking his head, “No.” He goes first, pushing the heavy door, taking a peek with his gun out, and finding no infected.

The rest of the group follows him inside to find chairs, tables, toys, and books scattered around the room. You see the large goal painted on the wall and find a ball right next to it. Joel looks up to find the ventilation fan and says, “I heard about places like this. People went underground after Outbreak Day. Built settlements.”

“What happened to them?” Ellie asks, and Joel looks at the whiteboard with the written house rules, “Maybe they didn’t follow the rules and they all got infected.” Ellie hums and walks over to one of the tables, Sam plops down on one of the chairs, and she messes around with him. Joel looks at a kid’s drawing on the wall, figures representing Danny and Ish. You look over his shoulder and then approached the wall, grabbing the drawing. Joel watches you and asks, “Do you know who they are?” You nod, “Yeah, Ish’s backstory might be different though. But the summary of it is that he established a community here with another guy named Danny, and Suzan and Kyle, with their kids. And several others, but at some point, a door was left open. Just like you said, someone forgot to follow the rules.” Joel sees you frowning and your eyes sad, “What happened to them?” You look up at him, “Ish, Suzan, and the kids escaped and made it out to the suburbs, after that their fate is unknown.”

You hear Ellie and Sam find a Savage Starlight comic and hear her excitement, “No way! I love these!” They begin to converse over the comic issues that they have, you shine your light around the room, looking through books and drawings. You hear Ellie speak again, “To the edge of the universe and back. Endure and Survive.” He begins to teach her how to sign the last two words, “Endure. Survive. Fuck yeah, man!” And they giggle and high-five.

“Keep it down. We’re not out yet.” Joel says and you’re busy grabbing one of the science books that was left behind, you hear Ellie groan, “Oh, c’mon. Can we just rest here for a while? There’s like actually shit to do here.” Henry pipes in, “Wouldn’t be so bad to wait the light out a bit. Safer in the shadows when we pop back out on the other side.” You also decide to mumble, not caring if they heard or not, “And let them be kids for a bit. It wouldn’t hurt them to have a little fun.”

Ellie looks at Joel, and seemingly outnumbered, he shrugs and lets them do whatever. The three of you sit at the table, next to Joel, while he and Henry watch both of the kids play. You are busy studying the book you found, was a bit outdated, but it still held the key information you needed to review, and for some reason, you’re having a hard time remembering important memories.

You hear Ellie and Sam having the most fun that they’ve had in years. Their life is a gorgeous broken gift, with billions of people waiting to be fixed. They were just kids who grew up strong enough to pick this armor up, and suddenly it fits. They grew up too quickly, but if only they knew, that the sunlight shines a little brighter, the weight of the world’s a little lighter all because of them. 

You hear Joel lowly speak, “If you were… collaboratin’ to take care of him I shouldn’t have said what I said. I don’t know you’re situation. And I’m not sayin’ they should let it go, but… All things considered, seems kinda cruel… to send a whole army after you for that.” You raise your eyes from the book, watching the two men, Henry looks down before he admits what information he was hiding, “You know, I wasn’t… exactly telling you two the truth before about me not killing someone.”

Joel turns to look at him with his mouth slightly parted while your eyes are simply waiting for him to continue, “There was a man, a great man. You know, he was never afraid, never selfish, and he was always forgiving. Have you ever met someone like that? Kind of man you’d follow anywhere.” Your leg begins to bounce up and down in anticipation while you slowly bring your eyes to Joel. He wasn’t that kind of man, and despite that, you knew deep down you follow him anywhere. Henry continues and your eyes dart back to him, “I mean, I wanted to. I would’ve. Yeah, but… Sam, he… he got sick. Leukemia.” Your leg stops bouncing after that, you completely go numb and breathing becomes a little harder. A pause between you three, a dose of reality that there were plenty of other illnesses and diseases besides the cordyceps they had to worry about. The quality and value of human lives have deteriorated over the twenty years in their world, and the decisions people have collectively made, to fight each other rather than together inevitably cause the apocalyptic world they have today. You know so little, yet fear so much. You aspire not to expire at the hand of some infectious disease. Children can no longer have proper childhoods, and no more clumsy start to adolescence, the moment they were brought into this world, they now also carry the burden of the past.

Henry continues, “Yeah, anyway… there was one drug that worked and, whoa, big shock. There wasn’t much left of it and it belonged to FEDRA. And if I wanted some it was gonna take something big. So I gave them something big. That one great man. The leader of the resistance movement in Kansas City. And Kathleen’s brother. Yeah, so… you still think they should take it easy on me? Or am I the bad guy?”

You rub the side of your face in exhaustion and stress, while Joel gives him a one-shoulder shrug, “I don’t know what you’re waitin’ on, man. The answer’s easy. I am the bad guy because I did a bad guy thing.” You shake your head, “What was his name?” He promptly responds, “Michael.” You continue, disagreeing with his statement, “No, it will never be that easy. You made a human decision. You took a risk because of your love for Sam at the cost of an uprising that wouldn’t have even happened if you hadn’t done what you did.” Henry only looks at you with guilt then he stares at Joel, “But you get it, though. You might not be her father, but you were someone’s.” Joel doesn’t deny it and simply looks down at the table while Henry goes on, “See, I could tell.” He shifts his gaze at you again, “You weren’t a parent, but I see how hard you try to be there for everyone.”

Joel looks at you for confirmation, but you merely blink with a gaze full of denial, you turn away and stand up from your chair while grabbing your flashlight, gun, and bag, “It doesn’t matter. I don’t matter. The sun is about to set, let’s go.” For the first time, you were the one to walk away.

TLOU WORLD – 2023

PARKING LOT OF THE BANK OF AMERICA, ON THE WAY TO THE SUBURBS, KANSAS CITY – NIGHT

The sound of the metal door opening fills your ears as you walk out of the stairwell, flashlights shine through the darkness as Joel asks, “Do you know where we are?” Henry replies with optimism, “Yep. The other side.” You begin to walk away from the parking lot and into the suburbs. You pull Joel to the side and tug on his arm, he leans down to your height before you could go on your tip toes, and you whisper, “Joel, I’m not sure Sam and Henry are gonna make it. So far it’s been good, and things might’ve changed but I’m not sure what’s going to happen next, ‘cause I can’t remember how it goes from here.”

He looks at you with great concern, “What do you mean?” Your eyebrows tense and your eyes nervously move and shift as the words spill out of your mouth, talking in circles, “Henry might kill himself, but I don’t know why, something is stopping me from fully remembering, I was gonna tell you as soon as I could, but everything was happening so fast and at first I couldn’t recognize anything until the settlement we found… but I can’t… I’m trying my hardest, I swear but–” Joel grips your shoulders and you freeze, “Look at me.” You can feel your heartbeat racing, the anxiety running through your bloodstream and crippling your ability to breathe, “Hey… Hey. Look at me. It will be fine, we’ll figure it out, together.” Your eyes slowly fix on him as the both of you stood there, you know Joel doesn’t make promises, he isn’t at that point yet, but his sense of needing to care for you, to find a way to get rid of your distress, is slowly overpowering his practicality right now. He feels it within himself as his eyes are steadily on yours, trying to keep you grounded, here with him. Slowly, you come back to yourself and take a deep breath, mimicking his breathing.

The world was brighter before you had learned to dim it down, now you call it survival, breath is borrowed and our compass within you stands still. Beneath your brave and trusting feet, all revelations come to you in recovery, you start to nod at the man in front of you, who had his hand still gripped on your shoulders, “I’m fine. I’m okay. Let’s keep going.”

You hadn’t realized that the rest of the group had stopped a few steps ahead of you to give you and Joel the privacy you needed, he lets go and you follow him forward, Ellie only gives you a reassuring smile and you gently smile back at her. There are rows of houses sound asleep, and only streetlamps notice you, while you look for signals, for a clue.

Joel continues to lead the pack and you hear Henry comment from behind you, “No one is here. No one’s gonna be here because my plan worked.” You look up to the sky in annoyance as you, “Can you not say shit like that. It’ll jinx us.” And Joel clicks his tongue at him, “So much goddamn talkin’.” Ellie smirks at both of your attitudes while Henry points out, “I’m just sayin’, I deliver.” He raises his arm and directs, “Make this right, go down the street embankment behind the last house… and we’re out.”

Ellie peers at Henry questioning him, “So we cross the river, and then what? Where ya gonna go?” He ponders for a moment, “Don’t know yet.” And Ellie can’t help herself as she says to him, “Well, we’re goin’ to Wyoming.” Joel turns his head to glare at Ellie, she shrugs at him, “What? It’s a huge state. It can fit two more people.” He looks ahead, not wanting to argue with her, Henry senses Joel doesn’t want them joining, “Yeah. Maybe we just call this one a success and say our fond farewells.” Ellie replies, “No. He’ll change his mind. Trust me. This is how it goes.” Then she begins to mock Joel’s tone and voice, “He’s like, ‘No, Ellie. Never, ever, ever happening.’ And then I’m like,  ‘I’m gonna ask you a million more times.’ And he’s like–”

The sound of a bullet piercing through one of the rusting cars on the side of the street causes all five of you to flinch and duck your heads, you hear Ellie scream, “Fuck!” You’re all confused and puzzled, looking for the source of the sound. A second shot rings out and you all fully process you’re now in a potentially life-threatening situation. Joel shouts and covers you all, “Move! Move! Go!” You all run to hide behind a car, and get low on the ground, “Where the fuck is that coming from?” Henry asks and Joel hisses at him, “Shut up.”

Joel peeks to try and identify where the sniper is positioned, he sees a muzzle flash go off at the end of the road, the highest window of the last house, and he ducks back down. The sharp sound of glass shattering behind you. You hear Henry, “Shit. All right, fuck. Let’s move. Let’s go.” And proceeds to grab Sam by the wrist, attempting to run away, Joel yells at them for their naiveness, “What are you doin’?” He replies, “Gettin’ the fuck outta here!” But another gunshot rings out, hitting the rooftop of one of the nearby cars, Henry reacts and drags Sam back to the three of you, he asks panting, “What do we do?” Joel tries to peek again and luckily the guy misses and hits the car’s trunk.

After assessing the situation, Joel tucks his revolver back in his gun holster, “All right. Stay here.” Ellie whips her head to look at him and you do the same, all at once you both say, “What?” He brings his body to fully face the both of you, “If you don’t move, he’s not gonna hit you. I’m gonna go around, try to get in the house from the back, and then I’ll take him out.” Ellie brings up her valid concern, her voice filled with worry, “But if you go out there he’s gonna kill you.” Joel responds with confidence, “It’s dark and he has shit aim. Nobody’s gonna kill me.” She tries to argue, “Then he’s gonna kill us.”

A beat passes. Then Joel looks directly at Ellie, his eyes firm and steady, with no ounce of doubt, he asks her full of conviction, “Do you trust me?” Ellie swallows down her fear, blinks, and nods. “Birdie, watch over her,” Joel commands and leaves you no room or time to argue, he gets up and proceeds to make his way over to the house down the road.

You and Ellie anxiously watch from a distance, each second you’re secretly praying and wishing that nothing happens to him. Your heart is beating so loudly, the sound of drums beating and thumping non-stop, your worry so evident that you try and stop the oncoming tears that threaten to spill off your face. How quickly did you grow attached to someone who you once believed wasn’t even real? The truth is, the chances are you are alike, against the odds and the grain. Against what better judgment writes, you both ache like children for love. You have no stakes on the ground or an anchor tied down. There are no guarantees, you know nothing but your fears of attachment and neediness.

You toss your feelings away, letting them sink deep below the ocean floor in your chest. It doesn’t matter. You remind yourself and watch him make his way to the back of the house, no longer seeing the silhouette of his figure. Two more loud pops and then the gunfire stops, the four of you sit in quiet eerie silence. You couldn’t tell if minutes or an hour had passed, but a distant gunshot could be heard, this time not directed at any of you. 

You hear a revving car from a distance, and Joel distant yell but is unable to understand what he’s trying to communicate. Ellie’s ears perk up and you all stand to see lights appearing from a distance. Shit. You grab Ellie by the wrist and yell out, “Run!” You feel your whole body working; your leg muscles running warm, cold air entering your lungs and blood flowing into all your limbs. Your calves burned, and your breath formed clouds in the air. You look up at the house while sprinting, and from a distance you see Joel trying to take out the driver of the plow that was barreling through the cars. You and Ellie try to shoot while running, but it does essentially nothing to stop the truck.

The tensions heighten when Joel’s rifle jams and you three are helplessly trying to evade the plow. But this jam provides pause for Joel to collect his breath and re-aim, so the next shot he fires takes out the plow driver. The large truck crashes into a house, causing it to go ablaze and a loud explosion occurs. Ellie falls to the grown and you pick her right back up, quickly ushering her to Henry and Sam, who were hiding behind one of the old and rotting cars, you ask her, “You okay?” She replies with a small, “Yeah.” You hear a loud voice coming from a woman, assuming it’s Kathleen, “Dead end, Henry. Gonna step on out? Save us some time? No? That’s all right, it doesn’t matter.”

Henry looks at Sam, who’s terrified and shaking, he yells out, “I’ll come out! Just let the girl and the kids go!” Kathleen clicks her tongue and in a calm tone, she responds, “No. Sorry. Those two girls are with the man who killed Bryan. And Sam… Well, Sam’s with you.” Henry argues, “You don’t understand!” And the rebel leader pushes back, “But I do. I know why you did what you did. But did you ever stop to think that maybe he was supposed to die?” His voice chokes up as answered, “He’s just a fucking kid!” You can hear the way Kathleen rolls her eyes, “Well, kids die, Henry. They die all the time. You think the whole world revolves around him? That he’s worth… everything? Well, this is what happens when you fuck with fate.”

You couldn’t help yourself, the lightheadedness you feel, the built-up stress, the adrenaline within you, the gasoline that had turned into a flame, an anger that could match a bull’s, recklessly you shout at her, “I’m sorry about Michael, I am. But, Kathleen, can you fucking look past your revenge? Past your hate? Did you even fucking realize that none of this would have happened, your so-called freedom and victory over FEDRA would have never happened if your brother hadn’t died.”

“You have no idea what it’s fucking like! To be without him! He was everything!” She shrieks and you raise your voice louder, “I fucking do! To have everything you’ve known and loved taken away from you? To lose? I know it all too well. Kathleen, can’t you see? We all lost. All of us lost the day the outbreak happened.” There was a pause, and you hear the gears turning in their heads, you continue, “Will killing us bring them back from the dead, or will it just validate your anger? The world ended and all this time we’ve wasted trying to kill each other instead of working together to try and fix the obvious problem. And for what? Tell me. What good did it do?”

A collective silence fills the air, save for the only noise coming from the burning house across the street, Kathleen shakes her head and shifts her weight from one foot to the other, sealing her fate, “I don’t care.” 

You shake your head in disappointment, Henry grabs you by the wrist, “Get ready to take them and run.” You start to argue but reassures you, “Yes! Do it.” You grab Ellie’s hand while she holds Sam’s, ready to run. You hear Kathleen speak again, “It’s time, Henry. Enough!” He takes a deep breath before you watch him stand up, his hands in the air, walking into their view. Kathleen shrugs, “It ends the way it ends.” The click of a gun could be heard, and you anticipate the gunshot but instead hear a loud rumbling noise.

You peek past the cars to see the plow truck has damaged the basement of the house, caving a hole into the sewers below, and then you hear the familiar sound of groans and screeching. The Infected geyser up out of the hole, all at once, sprinting towards the rebels. The sounds of gunfire rang out and more infected came up out of the hole, they seemed infinite. Henry joins back to the three of you and hides behind the truck, a Clicker chases after him and stands atop the truck only for it to get shot by Joel. Henry grabs Sam and decides to run away, you and Ellie do the same. Only for you to get separated when a Clicker grabs Ellie, and Joel shoots it from the perch. The impact causes you both to fall, this is when you and Ellie spot an open car window. Knowing you won’t fit, you tell Ellie, “Go, I’ll help clear the way and then find another way to the house.” She nods and begins to crawl, and you raise your gun and fire at the infected, trying your best to protect Ellie, doing what Joel asked of you. Hearing the more shots from above, you knew Joel was also clearing the way for Ellie.

When she crawls through the window, your mind begins to race. You need to find cover and fast. Finding another car, you duck behind it, reloading your gun as you do. You shouldn’t draw attention, and make as minimal noise as possible. The screams of rebels being attacked fill your ears as well as cars ramming over dozens of Infected. A Clicker approaches you but you push down your fear and side-step it, twisting your body and then shooting twice at its head. It falls limp to the ground, a Runner tries to grab you but you manage to hit it with the butt of your gun, shooting it straight in the head.

You hear a large growl from the crater, and turn your body to look for the noise. Motherfucker. A Bloater begins to emerge from the underground, completely covered in fungal armor plating, its belly sagging and spores popping out from each part of its body. The massive beast tears into the army like it's made of paper people. No amount of bullets will do any damage to the Bloater, and you have zero molotov cocktails, the best course of action was to get Ellie and run. You spot and see Ellie hastily crawl out of the van, a child clicker screaming from the inside of the car. You dart your eyes to see where Ellie is going and spot Henry and Sam surrounded by two Infected.

You sprint your way over there, helping Ellie get rid of the first Clicker and Joel shooting the second one from a distance. A thin layer of sweat covers the back of your neck, and you can feel the aching of your back, as you fight off another Clicker, its mouth screeching at you and trying to bite you. Another loud pop of a gunshot rings out and the Clicker goes limp, you take a large breath and grab Ellie, along with Sam and Henry. The young girl yells out, “Come on… come on! Go… Go!”

You make it out past all the chaos to the front area of the last house, as you run, you hear Kathleen shout, “Stop!” All of you turn to face her, she has a gun pointed directly at Henry. Your heart is racing, and your breathing rate rises rapidly, you bring your eyes to an infected crawling from behind the fence, and Kathleen turns to see what you’re looking at. She was too slow to react, the child Clicker shrieked and jumped on top of her, and the leader of the rebellion fell to the ground screaming. The creature thrashes and mauls her alive as she’s screeching for her life. A car crash you couldn’t turn away from, as you watched her get bit, mumbling under your breath, “Comeuppance.”

Joel makes his way downstairs and outside the house to find all of you frozen, he yells to get his group's attention, “This way now! Move!” Joel is the last to follow, ensuring everyone’s safety. Even from a large distance, you could hear the hundreds of clickers making their way into Kansas City, ready to infect and destroy the foundations they have built.

TLOU WORLD – 2023

ABANDONED MOTEL SUITE, KANSAS CITY – NIGHT

With the fighting over, the five manage to find a safe refuge away from the carnage. A motel suite far away from the infected in the city, for now. The stars are a choir in the symphony of the black; they are lights that sing in limitless ways. Sometimes music is needed for the eyes, and the deeper the night, the sweeter the melody.

You, Joel, and Henry sit in the musty living room area. Henry is sitting on top of a bedside table, while Joel is sitting on the floor, one leg curled up to his chest while the other is stretched out, he has his back to the radiator, and you are next to him curled into a ball, elbows almost brushing, but they don’t. You can hear the chirping of crickets, indicating the bugs have come out to play and exchange stories. The only source of light is the yellow glow from the bedroom, you watch Ellie and Sam continue to read the comic book that they found from the settlement.

“You think they’ll be okay?” Henry asks, still eating the remaining food you’ve packed. Joel nods, “Yeah, I think. It’s easier when you’re a kid anyway.” There’s an audible gulp as he swallows, “You don’t have anybody else relying on you. That’s the hard part.” Henry nods, “Well… I guess we’re doing a good job then.” Joel agrees, “What’s that comic book say? Endure and survive?” And the other man confirms it, “Endure and survive. That’s shits redundant.” Joel gives a breathy laugh, “Yeah, it’s not great.” Henry chuckles with him, “Yeah, no.”

You get up from the floor, not having the heart to tell them how they were wrong. Those kids now felt an enormous amount of responsibility for one another. And to survive means to stave off death, but to endure means to emotionally harden oneself, and tolerate the pain of survival. You begin to walk out the door of the room and Joel calls your name but you don’t turn around, he calls for you again, “Where are you goin’?” You don’t look at him as you lie through your teeth, “I’m just gonna go look at the stars for a bit. I’ll be right outside the door.” You exit the room after that, quietly shutting the door, and sitting on the pavement that faces the parking lot.

You let out a loud sigh, close your eyes, and cover them with your hands. You’re completely worn out, your mind is full but you can't speak, these tired gears, and you’re here somewhere between, drained from the events of today. You remove your hands from your face and take the gun out of your holster, letting it lay flat on the palms of your hand. The heavyweight of your decision rests on a single action.

You nervously lift the left sleeve of your jacket, the bitemarks of the infection are there, but there is no sign of it spreading, no yellowing or puss seeping out of your skin. Your mouth partially opens in shock and confusion, with only one thought in your mind. What the fuck?

You pull the sleeve of your jacket down. This doesn’t make any fucking sense. Then again, you’re in a supposed fictional world with its main cast of characters. None of it should make sense. But you figured, the rules would apply to you as well, that you could get infected. You felt ignorant, humiliated, and painfully unmagical. You are old enough to distinguish a sorceress from a lonely girl, and magic from survival. You make every effort to leave the past alone; it is the result of living in the between, the weight of your found family, and the pull of gravity.

You slowly form your hypothesis in your head as to why you’re immune. Could it be because you weren’t supposed to be here in the first place? You recall something from your previous research notes, ‘In theory, it could be possible to analyze the state of every atom in a person’s body and transmit it to a new location, where the person could be reassembled atom by atom.’

You take a large inhale and rest your head on your hand, which means needing enough information and processing power by using a quantum system, and while measuring, there are multiple possibilities, until the measurement is conducted. But that processing power would have needed an immense amount of energy.

In the tug of war between the tide, you were swept ashore like bottles holding prayers. The courage you contained, and the flutter of your earnest heart, will fill the silent seas, and it has restored a part of your memory. Radiation has become a key factor in the multiple theories you’ve read over the years. So when your atoms had been reassembled, your body must have also mutated and adapted to kill foreign infections, including the Cordyceps.

You hear the sound of the door closing and you don’t need to guess who was there behind you. With the heavy footsteps and sound of the rustling jacket, he quietly groans as he sits next to you on the pavement, the smell of ash and smoke exuding from his being. Joel notices the gun, which was now on your lap but he remains silent, not knowing what to say or do, while you’re deciding if you should share what you’ve discovered with him. You didn’t even register that you were bouncing your leg up and down again until he cautiously and slowly placed his hand on your knee, which caused you to stop the action.

You tilt your head to look at him, and he sees the clear glaze around your eyes, this moment, where you recognize you have no idea what the future holds anymore and the story you’ve been silently telling yourself about what the future is going to be like, has fallen apart in a matter of minutes. It doesn’t get replaced with any new information, it’s simply vanished, an atmospheric tumult. You find no comfort in this discovery, it's like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark and mistaking one stair for another. Your foot slips through the air, and you have a sickening moment of gloomy astonishment as you struggle to reset your perspective. 

You are desperate for some kind of clue, this kind of fear of the unknown terrifies you, the sudden obliteration of expectation, the overwhelming feeling of frustration and fear builds up and rushes down like a rapid river stream. You bite down your lip to stop it from trembling and fold your hands to stop them from shaking. You’re trying to find the best way to avoid confrontation or conflict, but Joel still has his hand on your knee, not letting you get up and leave again without explaining yourself. You could be described as a great river, one which can carry everything along with them but with a hidden dammed-up reservoir of energy. You have very little access to it, due to feeling bad for rocking the boat. For this reason alone, you are generally tired all the time.

Take a deep breath to center yourself, willing yourself to not stutter, and you tell him word by word what you’ve discovered and the possibility of how you got into this world. He stays silent, listening to every word coming out of your mouth, even the science jargon he’s not used to. But what he does understand is, you’re immune just like Ellie. He’s still silent by the time you’re done, and you’re so nauseous that you might throw up on him. You turn away from him, waiting for him to lash out at you, scream and leave you behind. He takes his hand away from your knee, you feel the air in your lungs refusing to leave, and you shut your eyes, anticipating the warm body next to you to walk away.

Instead, he removes the gun from your lap and places it on the ground right next to him, then he holds your elbow cautiously and gently, and your eyes open in surprise, you watch him roll up your sleeve to see the bite completely faded, leaving an almost unnoticeable scar. He brings his eyes to yours and he anchors you down safely, there is rage in his eyes, and you quietly whisper, “Joel?”

You feel his hands squeezing your arm as he hissed at you, “Are you out of your goddamn mind? You should’ve known better than to go out there fightin’ all those infected. How could you be so reckless? What were you thinkin’?” You’re befuddled by his sudden lashing out, you narrow your eyes and try to uncover what he truly meant, and you try to calmly reply, “Joel, it’s okay... Next time, I’ll be more careful, and since I’m immune–” He talks over you, stern and unsmiling, “There will be no next time.” You pull back a little from him, “What? Are you serious? I’m immune and there was barely a scratch on me when the car–” He doesn’t let you finish your sentence, his voice so cold as he says, “You got hurt. Twice. Because of me. Of what I did and keep asking you to do and you would’ve ended up like–”

You frown and can’t help the questions in your mind spiral, what if your injury had gotten worse or you hadn’t been immune? You could have turned. Just like Tess. Does he believe you’re her replacement? That you could be like her? Or you could end up like her?

You blink at him, putting more distance between you two, there is a war inside of you, you are out of depth at this altitude, it’s suffocating you, and feel your walls cave in. Your throat closes up at the thought of him thinking you were like her, that you could ever be her replacement, and your voice is soft and vulnerable as you admit the words you never wanted to say, “Joel… I’m not her. I’m not Tess.” He flinches and recognizes the hurt in your tone, and his heart sinks to his stomach faster than a stone hitting the bottom of a lake. You turn away from him, not wanting to give in to his warmth and strong protective nature, “I’m not her.”

The absence of sound between you two is deafening and consuming all that it touches. In your mind, you beg for it to stop, the need to fill the gaps with a problem you both don’t need. With folded arms and tired eyes, you try your hardest not to cry. The heavy ache in his chest leaves him restless and unable to find the right words to say. Sensing that there was nothing left to say, you stand up and turn to walk away but Joel grabs your wrist and you bring yourself to look at him to see his eyes silently pleading for you to stay. You bite the inside of your cheek and sit back down, expecting Joel to let go but he doesn’t. This causes you to lift your eyes and find him with his mouth open, trying his best to communicate with you without his pride and anger getting in the way of something good.

“You’re right, you aren’t Tess.” He said with his voice low, and can’t help the tears spill out from the rim of your eyes, you whip your head away from him, trying to pull your wrist from his grasp but he doesn’t let up, “Joel, let go of me.” He doesn’t, instead, he holds you tighter and says, “You aren’t Tess, Birdie. You are so much more than that… You are one of the good in my life that I… Hummin’ bird, I don’t know what I’d do if…”

He has trouble continuing, him admitting fragments of what he said shook you to your core. You’re incredibly clever but it takes you a while to process what he meant, so you tilt your head and try to see past his defenses, with these tall invisible walls he keeps himself in. You try to understand his perspective, it is why your mouth forms an ‘o’, not a gasp but the start of, oh, of course. He doesn’t see you as her. But he is angry, yes, but not at you, at himself. He wasn’t able to fully protect you. He made the tough call of crashing the car into the laundromat and you got hurt in the process. And then specifically asked you to watch over Ellie for him and you got bitten because of what he asked you to do. 

You slowly lift your other hand to rest on his cheek, and he flinches, but after a moment he allows himself to relax, unsure and clumsy, you say, “Joel. I’m right here, okay? I’m not going anywhere. I’m fine. I’m alive. I’m here with you. See?” You feel the want of thrill, of taking a risk. The pleasure of feeling the rush as feel yourself grow warmer. You let it happen.

The cracks begin to show, he feels his restraint slipping away, brick by brick and piece by piece. His struggle is not anymore with you, but with himself, his fears and desires, and the cognitive dissonance arising within. God, he’s so afraid, he wants so badly for his selfishness to win, and chooses to flutter his eyes close, with your hand still on his cheek, gently stroking his face, and for once, he thinks to himself, just for tonight, he leans closer to your touch, letting you become his sanctuary.

TLOU WORLD – 2023

ABANDONED MOTEL SUITE, KANSAS CITY – DAY

You had fallen asleep on the dark green carpeted floor next to Joel, using both of your jackets as pillows. Joel had moved in his sleep again and curled himself around you. His heavy warm arms wrapped around your waist and the ghost of his breath on your neck.

A loud thump and the sound of Ellie screaming jolts you and Joel awake. You sit up and see Sam tackle Ellie out the door of their bedroom. She hits the carpet, trying to fight off Sam, who’s scratching and shrieking at her, he has turned into the first stage of the infection. Ellie’s yells are piercing through your ears and you crawl to reach for the gun next to you, only for Henry to snatch it before you.

“Nope!” Henry says as he aims the gun at you and Joel, and Ellie is shrieking your names, for you and Joel to save her. You and Joel have a look of pure rage as you both try and take a step forward only for Henry to shoot at the floor, causing both of you to flinch back. Ellie tries again, wailing and crying out your names, and it only takes a second, before Henry turns the gun and shoots Sam right through the head. Blood splatters on the wall and the young superhero goes limp on the ground.

Your entire body is trembling, while Ellie is kneeling on the ground, looking at Sam’s lifeless body, you look at Henry, who is whimpering and sobbing, he blinks and watches his little brother’s blood stain the carpet, like spilling ink. Joel is heavily breathing and focuses on the young girl, “Ellie,” she turns numbly at him, “Are you okay?” He goes walk towards her, only for Henry to point the revolver at Joel’s head. Without a second thought, you step forward, protecting Joel from Henry. You raise your hands in front of you and plead, “Henry, easy, easy… Henry, please give me the gun.” His breath is shaking and erratic as he asks, “What did I do?” You try and calm him down, “Henry…” He doesn’t listen and still asks, “What did I do? What… what did I do?” He looks down at Sam’s limp and still body, the blood still pooling onto the carpet. A dark shade of maroon continued to seep out from his skull. “Sam?” He asks, lips quivering and his eyes full of fear, he looks back over to you, and you wail, “Henry, please don’t–”

He aims the pistol at his head, and you swore you saw before you blinked. There was no second thought, no going back or erasing. An avalanche now spent in white flag waking days. The loud pop, thud, and shriek follow in a sequence that will haunt your nightmares for the rest of your life, a memory wielded as a weapon. Every good intention is overshadowed by the stain of the past. Death is a blindfolded, bitter kiss. It's the finger put against your lips, emphasizing how they should have lived.

TLOU WORLD – 2023

OUTSIDE THE ABANDONED MOTEL SUITE, KANSAS CITY – DAY

You and Joel are outside, and the sound of shoveling dirt is a sound you’ve now grown to despise. The cold wind moves in only to meet the warmth of your blood, the only defense you have left. You feel it wash over your skin, again and again, only to be met by the beat of your aching heart. Fairness is a ghost, and its sightings take shape in such permanent truth. In the sullen silence, you were all taking turns shattering apart.

Ellie had gone back inside the motel room to get the rest of your things as you and Joel patted down the dirt, creating a small graveyard for the two brothers. If you could turn back the hourglass, you would. Reset every grain of sand, and give these two a proper chance at living the life they should have lived, you would. Your mind continues to spin webs of question marks and regrets as you stop your movements and stand there with instability. Ellie toses two backpacks on the ground, you watch her kneel on one knee and place the doodle pad on Sam’s grave, with ‘I’m Sorry’ written on it, the string of the pen is wrapped around the top and the pen is safely tucked in, making sure no one else will be able to write anything else.

Ellie stands up and asks Joel, “Which way’s west?” He only responds by tilting his head in the direction of it. She’s the first to walk away this time, a kid who grew up scared enough to hold the door shut and bury her innocence. You and Joel say nothing as you stare at the note, and hear her call for you both, “Let’s go.”

You both drop your shovels and grab your things, catching up to Ellie. Your steady true north fades, the three of you walking toward where the sun sleeps and casting your silhouettes as you do. Maybe there’s no answer here, at least neither one of you are ready to hear. No string of words will justify it or a simple equation to show you the solution and answer. In the meantime, you learn that you don’t have all the answers, just a little light to call your own, though sometimes it pales in comparison to the overarching shadows. 

Previous Chapter -> Next Chapter

END NOTES:

I am a hundred percent sure this was the fastest chapter I’ve written and felt so much easier than Episode 4 ohMYGAHD

HOW ARE WE FEELING?? ARE YOU GUYS OKAY??? DRINK SOME WATER BREATHEEE

YAY YOU’RE IMMUNE CONGRATS AHHH *confetti canon*

Wait why r u not happy you’re immune- oh right, you don't know what's gonna happen to you now that you have that information and it doesn't add anything good— it just makes you feel bad lol that sucks (the sudden obliteration of expectation) cause you’ve been telling a narrative you’ve always known and it’s changed and you have no fricken clue what's next

DID I GO BACK AND FORTH WONDERING IF THE READER SHOULD BE IMMUNE: YEP, A LOT… IT KEPT ME UP TILL 4 AM AND I CHOSE THIS BCS tbh it makes sense (??) you’re already a hecking anomaly, might as well be immune too :> Also, I’d like to hope this decision helped the story progress further… I think

Did the science make sense?? I hope so, I researched a lot on quantum teleportation and its possibilities. In theory, yes it’s probable. If you can manage to send every information about the atoms in your body, then send it to a specific time and place, which would take a massive amount of energy and processing power to do, yes u can teleport hooray! I'm just gonna assume radiation plays a part in the energy aspect and then since fungal infections can’t withstand that amount of heat from the radiation and your body has adapted— yeah you get the rest. (You’re not glowing radiation, it's just your immune system can fight the fungi lol)

I know a lot of people are gonna be rolling their eyes and saying, “why am I immune, goSH, so cliCHE, Y/N? knOWS ASL TOO?? WHY AM I SO SPECIAL?? I want to get bitten and be useless and not connect with anY chAracters–” well pretty thing, you’re one of the main characters! Ofc you’re special, you freaking discovered how to get to the TLOU world, I can’t have you dying on me… yet… silly!

Joel is having internal conflict with literally with his feelings about Ellie and yOU <3 I hope I portrayed that properly and well enough. Lowkey needed to write the miscommunication part because that question of if you were just a replacement for Tess was brewing in the back of your mind. Joel being him can’t fully express his feelings properly, so you settle for the broken sentences he has to offer and piece together the shards to find clues of what he means. Later on, it will be easier for him but for now, you both take baby steps.

But God writing that part had so many revisions and played every single possible scenario in my head— constantly questioning if it was good enough. Like was the thing I was trying to do between the reader and Joel natural and seamless? Did this conflict get resolved at all? Did I do this too soon?? Idk I’m just trying my best and I’m a sucker for Joel giving in bit by bit T^T (i mean i didn't make them kiss yet so I'm assuming wasn’t so rUSHED)

This episode centered around Joel rethinking his relationship with Ellie and YOU hehe. But I did want to give Sam and Henry the spotlight they deserved as well. I tried my best to find the balance in all of this, I hope I didn’t disappoint anyone with this chapter :&lt;<

oKAY INTO EPISODE 6 I GO, time to rewatch the pain again T^T

Grace

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[nipuni]

I have another DW report! It took a while because we've been hosting friends and family visiting from abroad for a few months now and had a lot of work on top of that so we haven't had much quiet time alone to sit and watch but we made it to the end of S10!!

I'll share our thoughts under the cut because it's a lot!

We adored 12! His run was amazing, one of the best! A lot of episodes became all time favourites for us and Peter Capaldi is now our second favourite Doctor after David. His acting is impeccable and he is a delight to watch. He is so funny and inspiring and everything The Doctor should be, absolutely loved him!!

We enjoyed Clara, her characterization had some inconsistencies with her having several different arcs that felt disjointed at times but she is so memorable and made herself into such an integral part of The Doctor's life. Watching her change and their relationship become more codependent and unhinged as time went on was super interesting. Nardole grew on us. And BILL? Bill!! Oh my god dear Bill managed to outsuffer even Martha and that is saying a lot, I'm still traumatized I was not expecting the finale to go that way for her what the fuck and what a finale that was, devastating, we loved it!! but GOD sweet Bill her fate was brutal, I would have loved to see her go on more adventures and grow 😭

Now, the highlight of these seasons for me was Missy!! I'm obsessed, she's my favourite version of The Master so far and my favourite character after The Doctor, I LOVE HER 🙏 She needs more seasons! (I'm aware of the audios I'll get my ears on those as soon as I can) She's hilarious and clever, mean but soft and so so gorgeous AHHHHH She somehow manages to be terrifying and endearing at the same time and you can feel and share The Doctor's hope for her. Her death broke my heart, what do you mean The Doctor will never find out she stood with him in the end!! The romance, the tragedy!! I didn't dare hope they would take their story there and they went above and beyond. Every second she was on screen I was holding my breath and kicking my feet for real. To the people that said I would love their relationship when I started watching DW you were so right and know me too well 😳

Some of our favourite episodes from 12's run were Listen, Mummy on the Orient express, Heaven Sent and The doctor falls. Though there are a lot of good ones really, all the ones with Missy in them, Deep Breath, Flatline, Oxygen, the heist one, Thin Ice, The pilot, the one with the ghosts underwater, the ones with the pyramid monks, the parts with River, the one with the boxes and Zygons, the last special, all really enjoyable!!

We are also five episodes into S11 and I have to admit that despite our best efforts so far we are not enjoying Chibnall's writing at all 😫 but it's still early so we stay hopeful, maybe it's just a rough start and it will pick up after all the exposition. We will keep going so that we are all caught up by the time the new season starts airing!!

I hope you are all doing well! I am once again apologizing for not replying to asks in ages!! I've been mostly away from social media for months outside of posting every now and then so they keep piling up and it's become intimidating 😫 but I'll get to them soon!!

I also wanted to thank you for all the kind comments and tags on my art and photos, they really keep me going so I'm very grateful!! 😭💖

[immeasurablesaladagere]

first i want to thank you so much for all that you do… feeding the housemd agere community near single handedly and bringing me and many others so much joy…. o7!! do take care of yourself tho!

second… sorry this is SUPER specific, so you don’t have to follow every detail if you don’t want to haha 😅 but could you write smth like, the ducklings find out abt house’s regression (to like 5ish) because he got triggered or was super stressed during a case, and started slipping involuntarily? trying to hold it back but fails and is then upset/scared and small… the team tries to take care of him for a bit b4 getting wilson who explains a bit & worriedly helps, n he & the team get greg to feel better! & maybe they ponder on the surprise of it a bit

Ahhhhh sorry for the wait! School begins once more. One more request to go in the stack!

-----

Word Count: 1552

Summery: House is given a bear from a dying child patient whose case they fail to solve in time. It causes him to regress involuntarily after being informed of her death.

*Warning for mentioned death of a child patient.

-----

CLANG.

House pitched his pager off the metal leg of his desk, and it skittered across the carpet. She was dead. They failed. They should have had at least a few more days. She shouldn’t have declined so fast, they had time. 

Apparently they were wrong. He was wrong. The little girl had her first of a series of cardiac arrests in the early hours of the morning, and each arrest that followed got harder and harder to pull her back from until, according to his pager, twenty minutes ago, when her time of death was called.

He wasn’t known for grieving dead patients. He wasn’t Wilson, he didn’t get emotionally invested in his cases enough to mourn when some inevitably died, but even he could admit that this failure stung worse than the others. Madalyn Fleech, just six years old. The nurses had gushed obnoxiously about her in the first few days after her admission, cooing about how cute, how sweet and brave she was. Like all child patients, he had thought. Oh-so brave and adorable until it came time for a test or exam, then suddenly they became a pain in the ass like all children. But Madalyn didn’t fight a single test. She didn’t fight any of the dozens of tests they’d put her through; she barely even cried. And then, and then…

The stuffed dog sat innocently on his desk, dressed in a doctor’s coat and staring blankly at him with its plastic eyes. It was purchased from the hospital gift shop by one of the girl’s visitors, and Madalyn had given it to him the day before when he was overseeing her lumbar puncture.

“I already got so many stuffies! I want you to have it, for helpin’ me.”

He intended to get rid of it, or maybe give it to someone more sentimental, like Cameron, but between DDX meetings and tests he hadn’t found the time. Now it was on his desk, looking at him, reminding him that he failed. She was dead because they had done something wrong somewhere.

Where? What did they do wrong?

Something stupid and emotional prompted him to reach forward and grab the dog. It was a golden retriever, filled mostly with stuffing with beads in the paws to allow it to sit upright. The lab coat it was wearing was cheaply made compared to the rest of it, and the flimsy stethoscope was curled up on itself. He smoothed it down with his finger and gave the dog’s head an absent scratch. The ambient hospital sounds outside blurred over, and it was like the only two things left in the world were him and this little toy dog. His hand brushed over a rough spot in the fur. A small portion of the fluff was matted with a hard neon green substance. Jello. Madalyn had probably finished her cup of lime flavoured hospital jello and then buried her sticky face on top of its head without thinking about it, like every dumb little kid.

But she wouldn’t have any more jello. She wouldn’t cuddle any more stuffies because they failed her. Madalyn was dead.

His eyes began to burn, and a wall of fuzz crowded his brain without his permission. No. Not right now. Go away. He couldn’t be small like this. Not here, sitting in his office with a dead girl’s stuffed animal, and not now, when his fellows would be back any minute for a debriefing on the case. But the fuzz wouldn’t listen, and the urge to squeeze the dog to his chest and cry only grew stronger. Did Madalyn feel like this? So small and out-of-control? 

It was like his adult brain was being smothered in a warm blanket, both comforting and terrifying. He hated slipping, and he hated it even more when it was caused by something like this. It was his job, death happened all the time. He gave in and hugged the dog tight. But it was his fault, and she was so little. He didn’t mean to let her die. She wasn’t supposed to die.

-

Cameron clicked her tongue and sat back on her heels. She’d asked every way she could think of; concerned co-worker, worried friend, stern request, she’d even broke down and patient-voiced him, a tone that should have had House snapping at her for daring to express pity, but nothing could get House to tell them what on earth was going on. All they knew was that they’d failed to diagnose Madalyn in time, that she had passed away, and suddenly House was crying at his desk with his face shoved into a gift shop stuffed dog and refusing to speak to them.

She turned to Foreman and Chase, who were hovering awkwardly by the door. “So… differential?”

Chase ran a hand through his hair, perplexed. “Jeez I dunno, brain tumour?” His tone was equal parts sarcasm and genuine suggestion.

“Maybe he finally snapped and this is some kind of mental breakdown?” Foreman suggested. “Who knows, maybe this patient finally got to him.”

“Patients don’t just ‘get to him’, though. We’ve lost people before who were a lot younger than—“

House cut her off with a little sob, and she startled. Madalyn’s death hit them all hard, but hearing House cry twisted something deep in her stomach.

“I think it’s safe to say this is about the patient.” Chase said flatly, then he squinted and pointed at the stuffed dog. “Is that the dog she gave him?”

Cameron raised an eyebrow. “Madalyn gave him her toy? And he kept it?”

“Yeah, yesterday, when I was doing her lumbar puncture.”

House really was clutching the dog like his life depended on it. She’d never seen him act anything like this, and if she was being honest, it was a bit unsettling. Everything about his body language screamed scared, curled up on himself like he was trying to hide away from them.

“Oh, no way…” Chase muttered under his breath, and she and Foreman looked at him expectantly. “He’s nonverbal, the dog, the crying, the hiding… What if it’s age regression? He was stressed out, he was upset about Madalyn’s de— the case, and her toy could’ve triggered it.”

Instantly House tensed up in his chair, and that was enough to confirm Chase’s theory.

“If our boss is mentally a child, does mean I’m in charge?” Foreman said after a long moment of silence.

Cameron rolled her eyes and turned back to House. The only way they were going to be able to help was if House told them how. “House, have you ever felt like this before?” She asked gently, but not too gently. Even if he had the thought process of a child, it was still House. 

She had to stop herself from chuckling when he tried glaring back at her over the head of the dog. While it was a valiant effort, through his wet eyes and red face it turned into more of a sad pout. Still, he gave a short nod anyway. It was both surprising and relieving to find out that the regression was at least something House seemed to be familiar with, whether intentionally or not.

“Okay, uh… good! What do you usually do when you feel like this? How can we help?” She prodded a little further, maybe a little too far into pity-territory, because House made a disgusted face.

“Go.” He said, like he was trying to order them, but it came out weak.

Cameron looked back at Chase and Foreman, who both gave her similar unhelpful stares. Great. Thanks, guys. “Are you sure? It’d make me feel better if one of us stayed here with you, just to make sure—“

“No!” House physically recoiled at the suggestion like she had just spit on him, then let out a whiny huffing sound. “…Wilson.”

Chase snorted behind her. Cameron ignored him. “You want us to get Wilson? Okay. Yeah, sure, we can do that.” She turned to glare at Chase. “Make yourself useful and go find Wilson, would you?”

Thankfully, it didn’t take long for Chase to return with Wilson in toe, looking concerned but calm.

He took Cameron’s place in front of House. “Okay, fill me in? What happened?”

“We lost a patient today, and when we came back for the debriefing, he was acting like this,” Cameron said, “We’re pretty sure it’s—“

“Regression.” Wilson filled in. He didn’t elaborate any further and she didn’t press him for details, but it did make her wonder; just how much did Wilson know about House regressing?  

“…Yeah. Um, does he need anything? What can we do?”

“Honestly? Leave.” Wilson said bluntly, but his expression was soft. “You three should go home, get some sleep. He’ll be fine, I’ve got him.”

It felt wrong to leave when House was obviously still upset, but she trusted Wilson. If that was what he thought was best, then they would listen. She glanced to Foreman and Chase, who nodded and left to gather their things.

After lingering for an extra second, just to make sure she wasn’t needed in some way, she went to follow them. As she opened the door, she turned and gave House a little wave goodbye. “Feel better, House. We’ll see you tomorrow.”

[seenoversundown]

For Death Or Glory : Chapter Eleven

Jake Kiszka x Charlotte (Fem OC)

Warnings: MORE FLUFF, a bit of anxiety (good & bad) , intrusive thoughts, a little flirting, and Jacob is smooth as HELL this chapter folks. (I simply don't have a lot of warnings for you this week but we are RAPIDLY approaching the chapters that will have warnings do not fret, my loves!)

Word Count: 4k

Summary: Charlotte battles her silly little brain about what happened, deciding to confide in one of our favorite people. They help her rationalize a little and boy does that pan out nicely for Miss Charlotte.

Author's Note: I love them, I love them, I love them. I was kicking my feet and blushing while writing this chapter, honestly! They are so so cute together and we are getting into the fun part of the story and I'm excited for you guys to enjoy it with me 🤭💕

You're Not Special, Babe - Orla Gartland "Some people don't stick around, But, don't let yourself down. Find the ones that get you, Stick to them like hot glue."

Bzzt.

Bzzt.

Bzzt.

I can hear my phone vibrating in the other room as I make my coffee. Who would be texting me this early? Well, other than Jacob, he seemingly just never sleeps. I grab the mug carefully, taking little sips as I head back to my couch to continue getting some work done. 

Quinn: Gooooooooodmorning Charmander! 

Quinn: Is there something I should know? 

Quinn: I just got to the boy’s apartment to surprise Josh and Jake is smiling like the Cheshire Cat at his coffee 😌

I feel my smile start to sneak out; that’s so cute. My thumbs hesitate to tell them everything. I mean, if you don’t tell them, I’m sure Josh will.  

Charlotte: lol um well 🫣

Quinn: hang on 

Before I have time even to think, my phone is ringing. 

“Hi there,” I answer, chuckling at how fast they managed to call. 

“WHAT HAPPENED?” they whisper yell into the phone. “I just ran out of the apartment for this; you better spill.” 

The thought of them running right past Jacob to call me makes it even funnier.

“Okay, fine,” I start. “I may have kissed him.” My hand flies up to cover my mouth because I didn’t hear it until just now. 

“OH MY GOD,” they practically yelp into the phone, “AHHHHH.” 

My face is absolutely beat red by this point, and I manage to squeak out a little, “I know.” 

“How was it? What happened? I need to know EVERYTHING.” 

My mind races back to the moment I decided to go for it. His sweet face only lit up from the street lamps, the way his thumb was rubbing the back of my hand, and I couldn’t stop thinking about how soft his lips looked. Remembering my promise to Cass that I would give it a shot if I found a long-haired, soft, nerdy boy. I couldn’t restrain myself anymore when I leaned in, just kissing the corner of his mouth, hoping it would be enough for him to know that I also wanted it. I had caught him looking at my mouth enough the last couple of hours; I knew he had been thinking about it. 

The look on his face when I pulled back, his eyes darting back and forth between mine, and I swear he could hear my thoughts screaming, “Please kiss me, for the love of god.” His soft voice asked if it was okay before he finally went for it. I’d never felt such a relief. The second his lips pressed into mine, it was like nothing mattered. Breathing him in, the feeling of his hands holding my jaw, his fucking smile when we couldn’t figure out how to stop. His kiss was better than anything I could have imagined.  I don’t know what happened in that moment, honestly. I felt like I could have kissed him for hours, but it wouldn’t have been enough. He held onto me like I was made of porcelain, so gentle but like he couldn’t let go, or I’d break. It’s hard to believe that he hasn’t spent much time in relationships or with someone in general with the way he knows what he’s doing. 

If it wasn’t the way his lips were moving, it was the placement of his hands—the subtle, soothing feeling of his thumbs rubbing my cheekbones. His voice really was lethal at the moment. All he said was, “So.. uh,” and I already felt myself melting back into him; I couldn’t resist the smile when I went back for more. 

The butterflies in my stomach when he needed one more kiss before I could leave. There’s something about him that makes my head spin when I’m around him, and I wish I could figure it out. 

“Why do I want to cry?” Quinn finally says, after my long-winded explanation of the night before. 

“It was really so cute,” I join in. 

“How do you feel about it?” 

Scared. Not good. Unwell. BAD. 

I hesitate, “I uh-” I don’t know what to say about it.  

“Charlotte, it’s okay if you enjoyed it.”

I can’t find words to say, so I just wait for them to continue. 

“I just mean- don’t overthink it! Which I feel like you’re doing with how quiet you are.” 

I finally spit out, “What if it was just like .. heat of the moment? I don’t know.”

They laugh quietly, “I don't think Jake would still be giggling like a little girl if it was just a momentary thing.”

“It was a good kiss..” I admit, but my face still feels hot. 

“I bet it was! I’ve always wondered if he kisses the same way as Josh because they’re–” 

“QUINN!”

“IT’S JUST THE INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS, LOTTIE,”

I feel my phone vibrate against me; a notification drops down: another email from my boss. I don’t want to open that. Hopefully, for your sake, he’s not mad.  I have no self-control when it comes to working, though, so I put Quinn on speaker so I can read the email quickly. 

‘Charlotte, How are things going? I know we discussed you working remotely temporarily, but I’m just following up on how long you think you’ll need to be out of the office. This really isn’t something we’re supposed to be doing, but you’ve been keeping up with your work, so I’m not going to say anything. Please let me know what your timeline is looking like so we can discuss how to continue further.

Breathing out a sigh quietly, I’ll deal with that later. I’m still battling the urge to tell him that I’m grieving and that he’s being insensitive to that. Especially given that I’ve never needed more than a day or two off of work for any other reason. 

They pull me back to reality and say, “Maybe you just need to see how you feel the next time you see him.”

“Maybe,” I breathe out. It’s just a job, it’s just a job, it’s just a job. 

“You can debunk the fluke concept you have floating around in that pretty head of yours. Because for as much as I know Jake, he wouldn’t do anything unless there was some emotion behind it. He’s not a one-night stand type of boy, I can tell you that.”

My heart beats harder in my chest, listening to them talk about him, “I’m inclined to believe you. He doesn’t strike me as one.”

“No, he’s the definition of a hopeless romantic if I’ve ever met one.”

I don’t know if that helps, but it definitely makes me want to see him tonight. 

My brain moves faster than my mouth can, “Do you know if Mel is working tonight?” 

“I can ask, hold on.” 

I listen to the sounds of them making their way back into the apartment, the door shutting, before listening to their conversation.

‘Hey, Jack Sparrow, is Mel working tonight?’

‘Uhh, yes, I think Josh is training her for a bit. She won’t be in long, though.’

‘Oooo okay..’ 

‘Why?’

‘Willa and I are getting together, and we were gonna see if she wanted to join us, and you’re a psycho who’s already awake, so saving myself the hassle, okaaaaay thank you.’

The door creaks again as they whisper, “Okay, did you hear that or-”

“I did,” I laugh quietly. 

“So, are you going to test some theories tonight?” they ask, and I can see the smile on their face. 

“I think I just might.” ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

The drive to the bar is torture. My mind raced the entire way there. 

Well, maybe I should just see what happens. I’m going to be around him tonight, so maybe he’ll try to make another move or something. 

 I still don’t understand why we’re doing this. 

Because Cassie would want me to just not listen to you in this scenario. 

Okay, but if you’re hesitant, maybe just.. Don’t. 

I have always been hesitant, and this is the only way I’m going to get over it. 

Shouldn’t your job be more important than him? 

My heart aches at the thought. The flash of Cass’s face in my mind, ‘it’s just a job, babe.’ I tried to fight it then, and my brain is trying to fight it now. 

Maybe she is right; it’s just a job. I need to live.

It’s a good job that you worked incredibly hard for, though. 

I shake my head, trying to stop the negative thoughts from winning; I reach over and turn my music up louder to drown them out. 

Walking into the bar, my stress is high, and there is no way someone won’t pick up on it. I wave at Josh and Melody as I walk through the bar. Both of them are focused on whoever they’re talking to, but they shoot me a smile as I come in. I point to Jacob’s office a few times, and Josh nods quickly. 

My shoulders feel like they’re at least up to my ears; as I get to his office, the door is open as usual. Leaning into the doorframe, I quietly knock.

“Hey you, can I leave my-“ I start, but I’m taken aback when he turns around from his desk. It felt like time had slowed down as his long hair flowed in the self-created wind from turning around. His brown eyes instantly met mine, lighting up like a little kid on Christmas. His smile grew in a second from his natural state to a big, toothy grin.  He immediately became attentive when he heard my voice, which was wild to witness. My shoulders slowly drop from their heightened state, and my chest feels lighter, like all the tension melted away. “Uh- my bag in here?” I ask.

“Hi,” he finally says. “Of course you can.” Holding his hand out, I slide my bag off and take the little notebook out before handing it to him. 

“I know Mel’s not here for too much longer tonight, but I figured we could get through some while we had the chance,” I tell him. I don’t know why I’m explaining myself so thoroughly; he knows it’s the only reason I'm here. 

“Sounds wonderful,” he says. “Just let me know if you need me.” The softness of his voice makes me feel warm like being wrapped in a hug. I take a second to look at him before turning out of his office. I think I want to kiss him again. Oh no.  ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

It’s another night of watching Mel do a great job, knowing I don’t need to be here. I explain little things to her in between watching her mix drinks. Jacob really is lucky to have her here; she’s a natural at this. 

“I know you haven’t been here long,” Mel says, “but I need to leave in like ten minutes if that’s okay?” 

“Oh, that’s completely fine. I had nothing going on, so I figured we’d get more taken care of while I had the time,” I told her as if I would be doing anything else besides answering emails.  She wanders off to clean and take a few more orders before needing to leave. 

Jacob, finally emerging from his office, carefully walks behind Josh while saying ‘hello’ to some of the regulars who sat at the bar. He’s just in a regular t-shirt today, and something about being able to see his bare arms folded across him as he talks to them has me in a chokehold. The flex of his forearms made my mouth run dry. 

“How are we doing, Red?” He asks as he sauntered over to me. 

“I can’t complain,” I say, unable to hold back a smile as he looks at me. The moment of him smiling after kissing me plays in my head as he stands there. “How are you?” 

He pauses, looking at my lips not so subtly, before saying, “Never been better.” He turns to Melody, leaning close to her ear as she pours a beer, and she just nods in response. 

“Are you gonna hang out for a little bit?” He asks, glancing over at me as he pours a beer for someone. 

“I can,” I say, leaning forward and resting into my hand. “If you want me to,” 

The cute little smirk on his face was really enough of an answer, but still, he says, “I think you should.” 

No, I definitely want to kiss him again.   ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

I sat there for a while, watching him work while he found excuses to stay near where I was sitting. We were casually talking about whatever we could. It felt like we were friends when we got to just talk to each other, which is crazy because we just met, but I also didn’t want to stop talking to him. 

“What have you been reading?” he asks, wiping the already clean bar top in front of me. 

Remembering the few books sitting on my coffee table, and they’re all romance. 

“Oh, just a little romance, nothing crazy,” I try to spit out rather quickly. His smile is torture enough; I can see the small laugh he barely lets come out as his chest vibrates a little. 

“I feel like I need to read one since you seem to like them so much,” he says, making my body feel hot when he does. Why was that..? Also, the last thing I need is for him to get more ideas. 

My uncomfortable laugh escapes me before I can stop it, “Maybe you should.” WHAT DID I JUST SAY? 

“If you bring me one, I’ll do it.” 

I quite literally can not do this to myself, but also, why is he doing THIS to ME? 

His eye contact doesn’t falter as I ask him, “Are you sure?” 

He slowly nods once before letting out a quiet, “Very.”  ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Naturally, when it was late enough, and I forced myself to stand up from the barstool I was sitting in, he refused to let me walk to my car alone. Any excuse to get him alone, I’ll take it. 

“Do you have any wild plans since Mel is off tomorrow?”

I let out one good laugh, “I’m not much of a ‘wild plans’ kind of girl.” 

“I can't really argue that,” he chuckles, “I’m not either.” 

“Unless ‘wild’ is being in the bar, then you may be the craziest person I know,” I tease. 

He stops walking, and his jaw slacks as I turn around, making me laugh. 

“Oh, don’t be dramatic!” 

He just stands there, arms folded across his chest as he pouts. I take a few steps towards him, watching him fight the smile that’s so close to coming out. 

“Jacob,” I whine, “come oooonnnnn.”  Walking right up to him, his eyes on me the entire time. I grab his arms and pull them down from his chest, sliding my hands into his. My 

“Please,” I whisper, leaning into his chest a bit and pouting my lip at him. 

“You’re lucky you’re cute,” he whispers back, leaning his forehead against mine for a second. Only letting go of one hand before walking again, he tugs me along with him. I need him to kiss me.

My stomach turns as we get closer to my car; I don’t know why I’m so nervous this time. He hasn’t let go of my hand even though we’re within steps of my car, and I can feel my heart rate start to speed up. What if he doesn’t kiss me? Am I stupid for thinking maybe it wasn’t just a fluke? 

He stops at the door, his hand reaching for the handle but hesitating. He looks down for a second, and all I can focus on is him. Turning to face me, he backed up and leaned against my car; wow, he’s really so hot. He pulls me to him, and his free hand grabs the nape of my neck as he leans in. Our lips crashed together, feverish as we both needed it; it felt desperate. I can’t stop grabbing his shirt, wanting to be closer to him. 

He pulls back just enough to rest his forehead against mine. The only sound is our heavy breathing, his lips curling up into a smile as he looks at me. 

He whispers, “You’ll let me know when you make it home?” 

“Mhm,” I hum quickly. My hands find the sides of his face, pulling him back in, not ready to be done.  We fall into the same situation as last night, giggling and pressing small pecks into each other because neither of us knows how to stop. Or want to stop. He starts trailing kisses to my jaw, placing one underneath my ear that sends chills through my body. 

“Jake!” I yelp between laughs as he’s practically curled into my neck. I can feel his smile against my skin. His arms tighten around me, and my heart flutters as he lets a little ‘mmm’ slip out against my neck. 

“I’m sorry. I’ll let you get home.” His hand reached back and opened my door for me. I move around him, sitting in the driver's seat and tossing my bag onto the floor. My hand found his quickly, pulling him towards me. He leans down, and I can’t stop myself from grabbing his face, pressing my lips into him again, feeling the butterflies in my stomach as he giggles into me. 

He manages to mumble between kisses, “Drive safe, hun.” 

“I’ll try,” I say before he kisses my cheek and stands up before I try to get the last one. 

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

If I thought the drive to the bar was terrible, I had no idea how much worse the drive home would be. 

I pull into the driveway, sitting there for a second before convincing myself to go inside. I pulled out my phone as I walked through the door, knowing I had a few things I needed to do now that I was home. 

Me: I made it ☺️ 

Texting him first so he knows I’m home and safe it’s what I would want people to do for me. I debate whether I should pull the trigger on the next text I’m considering. 

Me: ummm… are you awake? 

Quinn: obviously 👀  

It’s okay to confide in people. Cass isn’t physically here anymore, so I need to let people in. 

Me: let’s just say- the results are in.. it wasn’t a fluke. 🤭

Quinn: OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

Quinn: WAIT- I know some people that will be SO excited about this 

What do they mean by “some people” will be excited? When a new group message pops up with Quinn, Melody, and an unknown number. 

Quinn: LAID EASE- 

Unknown: what now Q

Ohhh- it’s Willa, okay. 

Melody: 👀 

Quinn: first of all, say hi to Charlotte. She comes bearing piping hot TEAAAAA. 

Me: hi 😳 

Willa: CHARLOTTE. I AM SAT GIRL. 

Melody: I feel like I know where this is going 🤭

Me: Well umm so I may have kissed Jacob 🫣

Willa: STOP OMFG 

Mel: I KNEW HE WAS UP TO SOMETHING WHEN HE WANTED YOU TO STAY LONGER. 

Quinn: I TOLD YALL IT WAS GOOD !! 

Willa: well now we need the details! 

Me: from the first one? 

Melody: FIRST?

Willa: HOW MANY KISSES WERE THERE? 

Me: I just mean-

Me: A lot.. but just the past two days.

Quinn: we got all night Lottie go on 

I quickly recap the other two on what I’ve already told Quinn. While giggling while recounting the many kisses I’ve shared with Jacob tonight, he texts me back. 

Jacob: oh good even if I’m a bit bummed about it. 

Me: lol why are you sad I made it home?! 

Jacob: well, making out with a beautiful girl makes for a way better night than pouring beer for old men

My face heats up at his reply, unprepared for him to be so forward. A little flirting doesn’t hurt, though. I’ve already kissed him, so I may as well have a little fun. 

Me: Missing me already? 🥰

Jacob: enough that I’ve been debating on FaceTiming you

Me: I wouldn’t say no 

He’s so cute. My heart swells at the thought. Not even a minute goes by before my phone lights up to his call. 

“Well, hello again,” I say, curling up in the corner of the couch. 

“How was your drive home?” He asks. 

Painful.

“Felt like forever,” I mindlessly let out, why did I do that? My face feels warm, and I quickly try to recover. “Aren’t you working?” 

“I was,” he sighs, walking up the stairs to his apartment, “but Josh had it covered, and this sounded better.”  His little smirk as he says it makes my stomach turn. 

“Oh?” my hand covers my mouth, knowing that I’m definitely making it worse. 

He lets out a small ‘mhm’ as he’s unlocking his door. I find myself staring at him quietly for a moment, admiring his features as he looks through his kitchen for food. I don’t know what I’m doing. I haven’t even talked to anybody long enough to develop feelings for them in years. Let alone whatever THIS is.  

I pull up my texts and click on the group chat, hoping they can help. 

Me: I’m on FaceTime with him SOS

Willa: Of course you are 

Quinn: CUTIES 

Me: No really, I have no idea what i’m doing please help 

Quinn: with what? 

Me: I don’t know how to flirt with someone! Especially when I’m sober!! 

Willa: I don’t think you’d need to say much to get him flustered 

Willa: Poor guy practically has cobwebs on him with the lack of action he’s gotten

Quinn: She’s not wrong  

Quinn: what is he saying 👀

“What are you gonna make tonight?” I ask to break the silence. 

He lets out a small sigh, “I’m not sure. I’m tempted to steal Josh’s food again, but he may quit me if I do that.” He just shuts the fridge door, leaning onto the counter in front of wherever he’s propped up his phone. “I may just starve at this rate.”

“Oh we’re just being dramatic tonight, huh?” I tease. Because he’s so calm and seemingly level-headed about most things, watching him have his moments of over-dramaticamatic is fun for me. 

He chuckles before squinting at me, “Could just be me, but I think you’re enjoying it.” His damn eyebrow pops up as he looks at me. I like it a lot, actually. 

“It’s cute.” 

Me:  He’s just being dramatic and goofy right now

Quinn: JAKE? DRAMATIC? SINCE WHEN?

I audibly laugh at their response, forgetting I’m on Facetime with him right now. 

His eyebrows pull in as he looks at me, almost like he wants to ask why. 

“Sorry, Quinn texted me,” I giggled, trying to recover smoothly. “They’re a little too funny sometimes.” 

“They’re practically an extension of my brother, so you have gained yourself a yapper,” he giggles through the end of it. 

It warms my heart knowing that Quinn is like that; since Cass doesn’t blow up my phone anymore, it might be nice. “That’s okay with me.” 

“I’m glad you two get along,” he says, “They’re definitely a bit more tame than Josh, so if you can handle my brother, you’ll be fine.” 

“I think Josh is sweet!” 

“Well, of course. He’s sweet to you but a menace to me.” 

I laugh at the thought of their brotherly banter, imagining it must be ridiculous given how much of their lives they have spent and currently spend together. They must get sick of each other? I don’t think I could live with a sibling AND work with them. 

“Can I say something? It might sound weird, though,” he timidly asks, bringing my attention back to him. 

I nod at him, “Of course.” 

“I wish I could see you tomorrow,” he mumbles, avoiding eye contact. All you have to do is ask. The little bit of pink creeping into his cheeks, selling him out. How I wish I could kiss every inch of his face right now. 

My heartbeat feels loud when I whisper, “Me too.” 

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Chapter Ten

FDOG Master Post | Masterlist | Playlist

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[evilkaeya]

holding you at gunpoint for fic recs (not including urs bc I’ve already read and AHHHHH THEY ARE SO AMAZING LITERALLY FUELING ME ILY)

RAHHH TY THATS SO SWEET ILYTOO !!

As for the fic recs, I actually don't get to read much (time issue 👍) but I have some that I really love so I'll list them here!!

I Was Screaming Your Name Through The Radio (256k)

- You can not expect me to give you a fic rec and not start with this one. The skk bible you all.

where your loyalties lie (163k)

- Yakuza au, political marriage, enemies to lovers. My memory of this fic is actually very fuzzy because I read it back in 2020. But I remember enjoying it a lot so give it a try !!

A peer behind the mask (74k)

- Dazai, Chuuya and Atsushi get to witness Dazai's past. Forced vulnerability but it's handled SO WELL. Please read it. You won't regret.

the same groove (7k)

- Pining and getting together. Can't begin to explain how much I LOVE this fic. It's genuinely so good from start to finish. A must read.

into continents and cars (25k)

- Road trip au !! A perfect balance of angst, fluff and comfort. It's one of my absolute faves!

This is how it feels to take a fall (20k)

- Temporary character death and time travel. So SO well written. Unhinged + vulnerable Dazai my beloved. Thank you Ely for recommending me this one. It changed my life /pos

A Few More Tries (16k)

- Domestic fluff ! Established relationship ! Love confession !! What more do you need? Also Ranpo #1 skk shipper is so real.

love at first sight: arranged marriage edition (9k)

- This one was soooo fun to read. skk invented being a power couple. 10/10

Anything that touches (4k)

- Chuuya taking care of Dazai. Hurt/comfort. Getting worse and getting better, both at once.

find you at the red light (2k)

- Dazai and Chuuya, two strangers, stuck in the same traffic jam. Love ensues. Short and fun and cute. Also big brother Oda!!

Plate :( (4k)

- Vulnerable Dazai and hurt/comfort (can you tell I really like vulnerability and hurt/comfort). Anyways this one melts my heart. I've read it so many times (and I'll continue to do so).

The wooing art (20k)

- Tattooed and pierced Chuuya + smitten Dazai. What more do you need really.

strawberries and cigarettes (15k)

- High-school au !! Teen skk shenanigans + angst + hurt/comfort and ofc, happy ending! It's very cute pls read it.

Kinetic Friction (6k)

- I laughed so much reading this lmao skk get cockblocked every time they try to fuck. Absolutely hilarious.

Wet bandages (3k)

- FLUFF. SO MUCH FLUFF. THIS FIC WILL CURE YOUR DEPRESSION AND WATER YOUR CROPS. PLEASE READ.

OK this is all for now. I have more but I need to dig my bookmarks for a bit. Enjoy !!

[jungkookslipring]

Heyy can I request a lee seungmin ler skz fic plsss. I'm a huge fan of your works!! They always manage to draw me in and I feel like I'm right there with the characters!! Love you!!!💖💖💖

Seungmin is our favorite Comedian

AHHHHH you're so sweet thank you!! plz enjoy!

Lee! Seungmin

Ler! SKZ

Seungmin woke up and chose ✨violence✨. The boys were in another interview where they were filming a Besties on Besties video for Seventeen. Seungmin came for everyone and their mamas in this interview, leaving everyone laughing.

“Bang Chan is so old”

“Changbin is so good at nothing”

“Hyunjin loves Felix”

Respectfully everyone started coming at each other’s throats and continued making everyone belly laugh, but Seungmin seemed to have the most comebacks.

‘this kids gonna get it,’ thought Bang Chan. And get it he did.

They all decided to hang out in the vocal/dance racha dorm after a long day of interviews, revenge on Bang Chan and Changbin’s mind once everyone’s shoes were off.

“Yah! Kim Seungmin!” shouted Changbin as Seungmin made a b-line towards the hallway. Changbin caught up to him and threw the vocalist over his shoulder, already giggling at what was to come.

“Leave me hehe alone!” Seungmin giggled nervously as Changbin threw him on the couch.

“This is for saying I’m good at nothing!” Changbin squawked but with a huge smirk as he dug his fingers into Seungmin’s sides, already making the younger one cackle.

“I was kiddihehehehehehehe!” He batted off Changbin’s hands as much as he could before the leader had an idea.

“Changbin-ah, hold him down for me, the old man wants to get in on this,” he joked as Changbin immediately did what he was told and grabbed a hold of Seungmin, pulling him onto his lap and pulling his arms behind his back.

“This isn’t fairhahahahaha!”

“Life’s not fair bubs!” Bang Chan said as he poked and prodded Seungmin’s tummy, the younger one kicking out his feet. He felt so weak and so exposed not being able to fight back as Bang Chan went to work on his tummy. He was so adorable so it was impossible to stop.

“Me next!” Hyunjin jumped towards them with Felix right on his side.

“me too!” Said the younger Aussie.

“go right ahead!” Bang Chan laughed as the two dug their fingers into his sides and knees. This made Seungmin go nuts as two ticklish spots on his body were attacked.

“NAHAHAHAHAAHA WHYYYYHAHAHAHAHA!” He screeched as Hyunjin massaged his legs and Felix rapidly squeezed his sides. Seungmin was such a ticklish boy and everyone was cooing at his reaction. After a while they made space for Han to shove his hands right under his underarms. Seungmin’s laugh almost went silent.

“NAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA HANAAAHHHAHAHAHA!” He screamed. He knew it would’ve tickled a lot worse if his arms were stretched out but this position was no better considering Han’s fingers were pretty much stuck in his hollows.

“this is for the reading comment!” He joked as he continued wiggling his fingers.

“I DIDN'T MAHAHAKE THAT COMMENT HAHAHAHAHAHA CHANGBIN HYUNG DIHIHIHIHID!” He exclaimed as he shook his head like a mad man.

“I know but you still laughed Minnie!!” Han laughed along with him as Seungmin’s head fell forward resting on Han’s shoulder as squeaky laughter filled the room.

“Awwww so cute!” Han sang out. Not too long after while Han kept up with his attack, IN had joined and started tickling his neck. Seungmin tried scrunching up his shoulders but Changbin had a death grip on his arms so he was hardly able to move, only able to laugh at the sensations on his neck and pits. Changbin on occasion would hold onto Seungmin with one hand and sneak in a few wiggles to his sides or scratch at his ribs, causing Seungmin to jolt every few minutes while Han kept his attack consistent. Last but certainly not least, Lee Know. It didn’t take long for Seungmin to realize everyone was tickling him simply because Chan and Changbin were, but Lee Know was extremely skilled and he knew he wasn’t going to last long.

“My turn!” Lee Know sang happily as he switched places with Han. Seungmin shook his head with the biggest smile on his face. Poor thing couldn’t stop giggling.

“Nononohohoho you’re bahahahad,” Seungmin giggled when Lee Know kneeled before him.

“You ready, Minnie?” Lee Know asked with the sweetest but most devious smile. Seungmin kept giggling out of nervousness.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Lee Know said right before quickly sticking his hands up Seungmin’s shirt and latching onto his top ribs, eliciting a scream from Seungmin.

“LEE KNOW HYUNHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA” the poor boy screeched and bucked as much as he could but Changbin held him down. Lee Know was laughing along with him as his fingers drilled in between his top rib and armpit, easily tiring out Seungmin.

“YOURE SO BAHAHAHAHAHAD *hic* HYUNHIEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE *hic* IT TICKLES TO MUHUHUHUHCH *hic* I CAHAHAHAHANT *hic* OKAYAHAHAHAHAHA OKAY OKAY UNCLE UNCLE UNCLE” screeched Seungmin before he completely stopped fighting it, letting his body go limp and laughing his ass off. Lee Know was no monster so he slowed down his tickles and rubbed his hand over Seungmin’s bare tummy, attempting to rid the ghost tickles that were probably lingering. Changbin let go of his arms that fell to his sides, sleepy giggles leaving his lips.

“that was the cutest shit ever,” Lee Know said patting Seungmin’s hair. Seungmin fell forward and wrapped his arms around Lee Know who was still sitting on his legs.

“tired..” Seungmin mumbled. Lee Know chuckled and wrapped his arms around his sleepy dongsaeng.

“yeah I think that’s our cue to hit the hay, we’ve had a long day, yeah?” Bang Chan said as he went to grab his shoes. Seungmin made a noise of protest and quietly asked everyone to stay. this kid was too fucking cute.

“okay Minnie we’ll go change first then we’ll come back okay?” Bang Chan said walking up to the three on the couch, planting a kiss on Minnie’s head.

“Bin, do you want me to grab you clothes?” Bang Chan asked as Han and Hyunjin went to put their shoes on. The rapper seemed to be preoccupied with a sleepy pup on his lap.

“yes please, thanks Hyung,” he said scratching his fingers up and down Seungmin’s back in a soothing manner. It didn’t take long for the guys to grab their clothes, because less than an hour later everyone was in an old fashioned SKZ pile in the middle of the living room, basking in the warmth of each other.

Let me know if you like it! my DMs are always open if you have requests!

taglist: @felixmainacc @felixburneracc @myforevermelody143 @dunno-wut-to-do

[cloudninetonine]

Ugh I was just thinking about the procession of game events with the chain, specifically Hyrule, and it gives me heartworms to imagine Guide playing his game as a child, and so that it’s just 2 children fighting against the world who only have each other, then they meet again as adults in the flesh and one of them immediately recognizes the other and seems to fall in love at first sight…. Ugh what true love Im melting.

Conversely you apply this to other members like Time and Legend, who have had it rough and it quickly sours. Legend, who has someone who has been there through his worst times, always the same age and so they grow together but simultaneously grow apart due to circumstances beyond their control, and so he blames them for leaving him, a childhood friend that he can’t trust to stay when he needs them. It’s like the inverse to the Hyrule dynamic: a childhood love that curdled rather than bloomed.

And finally Time. God, Time, who already struggles with coming to terms with his own journeys and how they impacted his age, both mentally and physically in the sense that he and Guide started off together the same, as children, Time finally has another friend other than Navi or Saria, one that will also disappear like them but one day they come back, and… they’re really much younger, a decade at most. And Time is suddenly in the position of no longer friend, rather guardian, protector, even a guardian figure. It distorts the relationship past what it initially was. So in conclusion you’ve got: 1) a classic childhood friends to lovers plot that is sweet in its earnestness and simplicity. 2) a bitter rift between once friends, now strangers who have to learn to trust each other again. 3) a dynamic in which 2 people care for each other so much, but time and circumstances distort that relationship and suddenly one of them is wiser, more battle-bruised, more traumatized. In a way, completely unrecognizable, like a war veteran coming home to their sweetheart but they’ve been completely changed by their experiences. Ahhhhh it’s all so tragic 😭😭😭 I could retrospect it all day, I’d love to hear your thoughts on it, even with the other Links and, y’know, coupled with the fact that most of them can’t even remember Guide, so that’s yet ANOTHER box on top of the already big pile of emotional shit everybody’s going through.

ANON WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME I'M IN PAIN

Coming in with a false sense of fluff with Hyrule and Player and the idea of Real true love then slapping me with the crushing pain that follows the Veteran and Old Man like the stench of death to a corpse 😭😭😭😭 I love it by god it fucking hurts to read it. Legend's bitterness and Time's feeling of lost, well, time being forced to grow up faster because of everything he went through

I need a fucking drink /j

[arguablysomaya]

Hello!! Do you have any more Damian and Tim centric fic recs? I need more sibling bonding and/or angst in my life

I'm so glad you asked!!!

by keeptogethernow

The Waynes are on "vacation", the new summer house hasn't been properly secured, and when Damian wakes up to here someone banging on the door downstairs, he quickly finds out that it really sucks to have to pretend to be a normal kid in these situations.

A true classic. I love Home Alone

by the lovely @batshit-birds <3

No one here has the right wing type for the sheer dive it would take to reach Damian before he hits the water like it’s concrete.

No one here except Tim.

-

the Bats learn the hard way not to bring an unfledged vigilante to a midair battle

A very very sweet wingfic!!

by @fleur-de-violette

Most of the time, Tim thought before he acted. But when he saw the guy swinging a hammer at an unsuspecting Robin, he just acted. He didn’t think of the consequences on his arm, or on the WE event he had the next day, for that matter.

something i really like about these fics is that the authors really explore the fact that while Damian and Tim may not necessarily get along, they still love each other and protect each other. i love they <3

In which Damian's dead and Tim has lost one too many people to accept that.

Platonic Orpheus-Eurydice not-AU set after Damian's canonical death

AHHHHH OOHHHHH MY GODDDDDD i love this fic so muchhhh i come back to it whenever I need angst

by @solemnmagpies

“Perhaps you should consider a nap,” Damian replies, with as much sarcasm as he can muster.

For some reason, Damian’s suggestion just makes Tim laugh. Well, sleep deprivation has been known to cause a number of strange side effects, and Tim was never all that normal to begin with.

“Yeah,” he says, eyes flicking back to whatever garbage he is watching. “I’ll do my best.”

-

Tim gets hit by something, and now he can't fall asleep. Damian is not concerned, not even a little bit; he just wants Tim out of the house again, that's all. Honest.

(He is maybe a little concerned.)

There's just something about tim & damian and whump that hits different

by @crows-murder

Tim squints at him, frowning. “The fuck’s that supposed to mean?”

Surely, surely they wouldn’t be dumb enough--

Gates opens the door leading into one of the empty conference rooms and Tim freezes on the spot. Yes, in fact, his little brother is dumb enough to get caught by these idiots. And yes, these idiots are dumb enough to capture fucking Robin.

Tim can feel a tension headache forming.

“What. The fuck,” he says, because he can’t say anything else without breaking character.

He is going to murder Damian.

nothing says "family bonding" like watching ur little brother get tortured by the gang ur undercover investigating

by @whatatime30

Damian helps Tim through a tough time, and Tim ends up helping him a bit too. The rest of the family notices.

Tim & Damian troll their family by practicing healthy psychological habits

[gentaroukisaragi]

Quickie little audio drama sunday since its still sunday

I listened to:

The killjamxxx trailer

OH BOY am I ready to experience this. Fun as hell trailer with a large cast that gets me excited for all the murder and mayham that's sure to follow

Waiting For October: trailer 1, trailer 2, Ep 1+2

Cute! Sweet! Still in its beginning stages so not much to say, but i do look forward to learning more about the spooky world of October and Caroline's history with it

Ghost InSpectors trailer and ep 1

My kinda fun. I kinda like how hesitant both of the leads are to come to terms with their deaths. I love the sound of Vanessa Benoit's voice

Slowly Unspooling trailer 1, trailer 2, ep 1-4

Im listening to this as part of the Podcast Bookclub server! Im having a little trouble getting super into it because i keep finding myself in the worst positions to listen to it, but hey, at least im not listening to mysterious tapes of myself working in the worlds worst office au! Also, pro tip, dont listen any further to tapes sent to your friends house containing recordings of your voice that you definitely dont remember making

The Adventure Zone: Abnimals, ep 4, 5+6

Im having fun with it.

Woodbine podcast, ep 9+10

Ahhhhh what a wonderful season! Wish it wasnt so short! Really looking forward to the next season! Also personally speaking i think that cliffhanger is gonna be resolved in a sad way and not a happy way bc of the rarity of being able to create (spoilers)

I love supernatural mystery solvers so fucking much!!!!!

Wow, what a variable week! Usually i just listen to one ep of a fiction show and call it a week. Hopefully i can do more of these!