#but ag dolls feel much more like a companion

[porcelain-siscon]

a doll that you got when you were young, only around 8 or 9, as a sort of surrogate big sister. it looked mostly like a girl your age, at least when it came to its height, and the two of you were inseparable. you mostly still are, though obviously less as you grew up

eventually it was hard to see it as a big sister anymore. you stand more than a foot higher than it now, and it's only been recently that you've started looking at it in a different light. the softness of its thighs that you figured were like that so you wouldn't hurt yourself is just a bit too soft, the ample chest you used to cuddle up to almost obscene in size, the snaking... something under its sewn shut dress so much easier to identify with more personal experience

you had honestly forgotten that the dress was sewn on until recently. years of wear had left much of the fabric faded and worn through, holes all over, some rips, all from a rambunctious childhood it's hard not to look back at with nostalgia. it was your big sister you shared your first kiss with, after all! that's not something you easily forget, even if you can't help but cringe slightly at the memory of kissing a doll

but that doesn't mean you don't love it. your big- well, your little sister, temporally locked as all dolls are, has been a constant companion your whole life, and it really does need some TLC. specifically, you want to get it a new dress, though that will involve removing the old one and taking its measurements. you carefully run your fingers along the neck to find a safe spot to insert the fabric shears, whispering a little "sorry, I'll be quick" as you start to cut

you work along the back, not wanting to nick any of the soft material that make up its breasts, then move over to the side once you're low enough to avoid the same at its cushioned rear. with a final snip, you feel the dress lose the last of its tension, allowing you to slide it off over the arms as you move them into place

what a sight

as a child, you'd never have noticed, but now you can't help but stare. the doll has a figure that was noticeable under the dress, but only just. with it nude like this, you can't ignore the slenderness of its waist and how it contrasts with the width of the thighs; or the way the just ever so slightly blue material that makes up its "skin" shimmers in the light everywhere but its joints, made up of a darker, more matte material; or the way that, even at its height, its breasts are dramatically bigger than yours

you also can't ignore the anatomically correct, improbable as it may be, cock that slumps down over a squishy pair of balls, touching the floor as you sit your little sister doll down

"...let's get these measurements done..." you mutter to it as much as you do yourself, getting out the measuring tape. laying it down on its back, trying to ignore the way its breasts fall to the side, trying to ignore everything about it, you read its height at 125cm. certainly taller than most dolls. inhaling to steel yourself, you sit it back up and measure around its chest

125cm again. surely not. no, that's absurd

again, you measure, again, 125cm

the same as its height? somebody was certainly in a mood with this design

propping it up some more, you balance it out on its feet and measure around its waist, getting a much more reasonable 75cm. looking down, trying to keep your eyes off its cock, you measure around its clearly wider hips, finding them to be 100cm. the level of precision was odd, if not just for what it was being used for

you found yourself staring again. it was just... hanging there. it was hanging there and you already had the measuring tape out. you could just see for yourself. you had an excuse

"sorry, I'm nearly done" you whispered to it, as if it could register any apology at all. one end of the tape right at the base of the crotch, then slowly measured out all the way to the tip. you expected 25cm, just to keep with the trend, but found it capped out at 32

"that's... weird..."

if it weren't for the imperial measurements on the other side of the tape measurer, you never would have noticed. 12 and 1/2 inches. 12.5

125cm tall

125cm bust

12.5 inch dick

you can't help but laugh. it is a little absurd, isn't it? absurd, and perhaps inappropriate that you got it when you were a kid, but it's hard to really think about that context in the moment. finishing off the laughing fit with a sigh, you say "let's get you covered up" and grab an old t-shirt, lifting its arms up and pulling it over its head. while definitely tight around the chest, it's at least long enough to cover it up

...mostly

it clearly dangles out the bottom, and you think about putting a pair of panties on it, though brush the idea off as there's not a chance that thing would fit in anything you own

"what am I going to do with you?"

you pick it up, one hand under its rear and one hand supporting its head, and carry it over to your bed to tuck it in there for the time being. normally you'd leave it on the chest of drawers, but with how exposed it is, that seems a little inappropriate, even if you never have guests over. once it's tucked in nice and tight, you give it a kiss on the forehead almost entirely on instinct

it looks so cozy...

well... it is your bed, after all, and it is your little sist- it is your doll, after all. you pull the covers back and climb into bed with it, wrapping your arms around it and pulling it close. you can feel the cool squish of its chest against yours, and its equally cool length press up against you. you do your best not to think too much about it

and lean in to give it a kiss on the lips. were they this soft when you kissed it as a child? they must have been, it's just that something about this kiss feels different, more intimate, perhaps after everything you just saw

best not to think about it too much, best not to kiss too much either. instead, you try and keep the idea of its new dress in your mind, even if you can't help but think about its naked body

[echidnana]

random but one thing we love about american girl dolls is that they aren't super skinny. like how most other dolls like barbie dolls have an impossible body type but ag dolls just sort of feel Normal

[6gumi]

breathless.

synopsis ﹒jjk men giving you surprise kisses gone wrong (GONE SEXUAL!) that’s it. that’s the fic

pairings ﹒toji fushiguro, yuuta okkotsu, yuuji itadori, satoru gojo x f!reader

cw ﹒a little suggestive. not proofread (oops), makeout sessions kinda?, yuuji + yuuta aged up! slight vaginal fingering involved, dirty talk, petnames used ! (princess, baby, etc etc) you guys literally just make out n it goes wrong . . . do i need to say more ? <3

note ﹒sm thoughts sm thoughts sm thoughts !!! yuuji’s is the only fluff n innocent one LMFAO feel free 2 interact w me by sending an ask ! i’m still trying 2 finish up my requests so please be patient and know that only thirsts r open for now <3 — millie ! ♡

୨୧ 𝐓𝐎𝐉𝐈 𝐅𝐔𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐆𝐔𝐑𝐎

toji always loved teasing you, especially during makeout sessions you both would have occasionally. he does a lot and i mean a lot of things to tease you during them too, it’s unfair! he loved it whenever you had your arms crossed infront of him, eyebrows furrowed while you lectured him for his laziness. he merely just chuckled at your attempts to tell him off for being such a lazy jerk, slowly closing the distance between both of you. you can’t blame him, can you? it’s not like you wanted him to stop either.. it’s crazy how your voice and that irritated look in your eyes left him feeling light-headed. before he knew it, toji you in his arms, holding you just a little too tight. “hey! let go of me, toji. ‘m not finished saying what i wanna say—“ and.. there he goes again. a deep groan left him as his lips traced each inch of your neck, his entire body clenched as he grabbed your wrist. toji’s other hand buried itself in your hair, caressing and pulling at it from the back, interlocking his lips with yours..

god.. your makeout sessions always begin this way, but honestly you didn’t really complain. toji ran his hand up your body, wrapping it around your neck as she squeezed it lightly.. careful not to hurt you too much. his lips on yours was the sweetest torture you had ever felt in your whole life, your heart pounding against your chest at a furious pace as he held you closer to him, not letting go of you anytime soon. “sorry, doll. what’d ya say earlier? too busy kissin’ these pretty lips of yours.” “oh great, and you weren’t even listening too?” the raven just shrugged, a smug expression painted on his face. “dunno, just wanted t’kiss your lips, you talk too much princess.. needed to shut you up.” gosh, you could’ve sworn you felt a vein popping out of your forehead out of frustration, is this guy for real? “mm.. can i continue kissing your lips?” was all he said, a low sigh leaving your lips before you waited for him to kiss you again. “oh no baby, not these lips. i mean the other ones.” oh yeah, expect yourself to be breathless after this.. kisses or not!

୨୧ 𝐘𝐔𝐔𝐓𝐀 𝐎𝐊𝐊𝐎𝐓𝐒𝐔

yuuta can’t help it! he couldn’t help but admire you the whole time you rambled about a weird first interaction you had with his companion toge inumaki and how hard it was to understand him! thank the lord you didn’t even notice just how intensely his eyes stared at you, as if they were digging daggers into your soul. this is probably a constant thing for him, i feel like yuuta likes giving you shy surprise kisses out of nowhere! and sometimes, he can’t even control his body and they just smooooch your lips, atleast.. that’s what he says! he can’t help but grin every single time he sees that flustered expression on your face after he catches you off guard with his surprise kisses, he’s just trying to have after all. though sometimes he’s aware that, these “small yet shy surprise kisses” will turn into much more than what they seem. and you wanna know what they turn into? heated makeout sessions of course!

yuuta’s large hands rest on the nape of your neck, the other on your waist as he pushes you down the mattress with his weight, trying his best not to crush you completely with his body as his kisses were slow.. slow and passionate yet you knew that was gonna change in a few minutes or so, and you were right! in the blink of an eye, yuuta wraps his two hands beneath your thighs, lifting you up slightly so your legs wrapped around his waist, pulling the both of you closer and into a more passionate yet lustful embrace and kiss. the special grade sorcerer pulled away, chuckling when you puckered your lips a tiiny bit to taste his sweet lips on yours again, yuuta gave your jaw a small peck. “may i?..” the raven muttered under his breath.. lifting your skirt and tugging at the hem of your panties. just know that.. if you nod and say yes, oh boy. be prepared to stay up all night! those surprise kisses were a trap to kiss you until you were breathless!

୨୧ 𝐘𝐔𝐔𝐉𝐈 𝐈𝐓𝐀𝐃𝐎𝐑𝐈

let’s see here.. to sum things up, yuuji loves giving you surprises kisses! and i mean loves it! he likes catching you off guard whenever he presses a kiss against you, your boyfriend gives you small little surprise kisses literally anywhere and everywhere, so much that you even have to tell him to tone down a bit because of how flustered you were! “but why, babe? i like kissing you..” he knew you liked it whenever he was affectionate so he would plant many many love kisses all over you nonstop! usually sometimes he even just gives you one when it’s unnecessary or so, kissing you on the cheek while you scroll on your phone.. kissing the nape of your neck from behind whenever you were in the kitchen, sneakily kissing your inner thigh from beneath the bedsheets, you name it! yuuji yawned as he wrapped an arm around your waist, scooting you even closer against him. “babe, can i kiss you?” no answer, you were too focused on that stupid movie you wanted to watch, he didn’t think you’d get this invested. the male gently put a hand on your thigh, surprise-kissing the blade of your shoulder with much desire and love.

anndd.. here you both go again.. on the couch as the room was filled with sharp heavy panting and lewd noises. yuuji’s hands grabbed onto your waist and moved you back and forth on his gap, feeling a bulge press against you as your cunt pulsed around nothing.. you prayed he didn’t feel anything. you always wondered how he’s so sweet and delicate with your kisses as if you were some kind of gentle flower you needed to protect, his touches were so soft.. so gentle and yet a little hesitant.. not wanting to hurt you in anyway. his mouth moved towards your jaw and then your hands. “you should kiss me more babe, i like how soft your lips feel on mine.” “i already allow you to give me surprises kisses in private and public, what more do you need, hm?” “.. another kiss, maybe? or maybe.. more kisses? more than the amount i give you in one day?” ahh.. you know you can’t say no to him, you knew just how much he wanted to kiss you breathless.

୨୧ 𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐔 𝐆𝐎𝐉𝐎

surprise kisses with him are a must (atleast 2 him!) he loves sneaking small little pecks on your cheek and lips, though.. his surprise kisses are rather bold and lead to more intimate moments between the both of you. heated and long messy makeout sessions to more.. bolder ones, though you aren’t complaining really, he isn’t either.. in-fact he loves the faces you make whenever he plunges his tongue inside your mouth with no warning at all, grabbing at your ass.. your waist, you name it! scolding him about his “surprise” kisses won’t help either, he just knows how to rile you up in no time! the special grade groaned into the kiss as he pulled you onto his lap, grabbing your hips and squeezing at it with his hands. satoru sighs lowly, struggling against the heat and lust that was now flowing through his body like hot lava, he wanted more and he craved more.. he didn’t even care that it was supposed to be a “small” surprise kiss, he wanted you and he wanted you now. you sure do have that effect on him.

“you’re such a cute little angel for me, mhm? stay still for me a bit, yeah?” oh you knew what he was gonna do. you hear him spit on the top of his fingers for a second, body jolting as you felt his fingers rubbing your clit. “i’m sorry. i can’t get enough of you. look at this, you’re so wet already, angel. all this for me? all because of the kissing, hm?” he rubbed the slit of your pussy with two fingers at a harsher pace.. feeling your wetness on his fingers. “c’mon, keep kissing me pretty. don’t let these fingers distract you, yeah?” was all he said before the sweetness of his lips returned on your own, his kisses were sloppy and messy but yet he didn’t show any signs of stopping anytime soon.. his digits curling in your cunt, forcing a muffled moan from your lips. adding another finger in, he could feel how tight his pants felt.. getting all hard just from fingering you and kissing you alone was crazy enough, he wasn’t playing around.. he wanted more.. and he’ll get more. satoru will do this over and over again until you’re absolutely breathless.

[holylulusworld]

Come to heaven

Title: Come to heaven

Written for @buckybarnesbingo (Round 6)

Card: B004

Square Filled: K5: handle with care

Ship/Main Pairing: Mobster!Bucky Barnes x Ex!Reader

Rating: Mature

Major Tags/Triggers/Warnings: angst, jealousy, ex! sugar babe trope, drunkness, fluff, hopeful ending

Summary: Making amends is hard.

A/N: Lyrics in Italics taken from Bruno Mars' "Locked Out of Heaven"

Word Count: 1,7k+

BBB BuckyBarnesBingo 2024 masterlist

Catch up here: Go to hell

Written in reader’s PoV

Bucky tries to slip his hand into your panties, but you wrap your hand around his wrist to stop him. This is how he always made you compliant and stopped any argument.

“No! Not this time.”

“No?” He sounds surprised. Of course, he’s surprised. You always gave in and let him seduce you. Pleasure and having his attention, even for a fleeting time, was better than thinking about the future, or your non-existent relationship.

“No!” You stiffen in his arms. “Let go of me. I won’t let you do this to me all over again. It’s always the same. You stop me from speaking my mind with your lips, hands, or cock. I’m done being a sexual object, a toy you can play with to you.”

“Doll, I…” Bucky reluctantly releases you from his embrace. He steps away to watch you turn around. “What do you mean?”

“This,” you press your hand to your heart, “was yours. I admitted my feelings and waited for you to at least tell me that I mean a little more to you than a set of holes you can fill. But…” you sniffle but put a brave face on, “you couldn’t even give me that.”

“So, you want to go back to that old man and his limp dick?” He scoffs in an attempt to hide the hurt.

“Even if I’m not in love with him, I know exactly what he wants from me. He won’t make promises of keeping me safe and happy only to turn his back on me the moment I tell him that I love him. With him, I know what I’ll get.”

You try to sidestep Bucky, but he blocks your path. “That’s it? You’ll leave me for that man without giving me the chance to make things up to you.”

“James,” you gently cup his face and look him in the eyes. “You can’t make things up to me with gifts or sex this time. I asked you if you can imagine having a relationship with me. You gave me your answer. It’s my turn to tell you that what you have to offer is not enough.”

“Not enough?” He’s confused. “But I…”

“Money and shiny things cannot replace what you are unwilling to give,” you give him a sad smile. “As much as I enjoyed our time together, it’s over. We both knew it’d end like this. This kind of arrangement is meant to end sooner or later. There is nothing we can do about it.”

You press your lips to his scruffy chin, ending what began as a passionate one-night stand with a soft kiss. “Goodbye, James. I hope, one day, you’ll find something worth being more than…” Your voice cracks and you drop your hands from his face.

“Y/N,” he tries to grab your hand but you step away the moment his fingertips brush your skin. If you give in to him now, you’re doomed to repeat history. “Wait, I can try to be better.”

You give him a weak smile. “No, you won’t, James. You never had to try, and that’s the problem. Your good looks and reputation made everything so much easier for you than for other men.”

He allows you to leave, watching you go to join your companion for the rest of the night. Bucky will sulk in a corner, drinking too much while wishing you’d stayed by his side instead of laughing about the things the old man by your side says.

Bucky is close to losing his patience. He’d hoped scaring the man you chose over him would be enough. Much to his chagrin, your companion from last night is rather amused about Bucky’s presence.

Erik Lehnsherr lived long enough to fear nothing. Not that he ever feared anything else than his own mortality. But at his age, even that fear faded a long time ago.

“I don’t understand why you are here, Mr. Barnes,” Erik leans back in his chair, an amused smirk on his lips. “Do we have business to do? I don’t think so. I’m old, not forgetful.”

“If you release Y/N out of her contract with you, I’ll pay you any sum,” Bucky tries to get you out of your sugar girl arrangement with the old creep.

“A contract?” He quirks a brow. “The lovely lady accompanying me last night came with me to make sure I’m not alone. We don’t have an arrangement. She’s just a lovely young woman spending time with me to help me with my paperwork.”

“Paperwork?” Bucky eyes his concurrent warily. He’s a master at reading people and finding lies behind a friendly smile. “She’s your employee?”

“A freelancer, the young people call it these days,” Erik holds back a chuckle.

When you offered to join him at the party, you told him everything that happened with James Buchanan Barnes. The man breaking your heart. Erik promised he’d do anything to make the fool let you go see that he made a grave mistake.

“I’m old, not someone creeping on young women,” he adds after a long pause. “I had my fair share of lovely ladies and gentlemen when I was younger.” Erik eyes Bucky up and down. “You’d be on top of my list if only I was thirty years younger.”

Bucky backpaddles. He eyes Erik warily before clearing his throat.

”What exactly is Y/N doing for you?”

“I already told you that she does my paperwork. I believed I was the old man here. Maybe you should get your memory checked, young man,” Erik chuckles. “If you’d excuse me now. I’m waiting for a massage therapist. A pretty boy getting this old man going…”

‘Old creep’, Bucky thinks to himself before leaving without saying goodbye. “At least he doesn’t creep on Y/N. That’s a pro.”

Bucky drove to his best friend to release some steam. He told Steve everything about you and the stunt you pulled to make him jealous.

“She tricked you,” Steve can’t help but laugh. “Man, you’ve got yourself a smart little cookie. I bet she tried to wrap you around her finger.”

“I fell for her lie so easily,” Bucky huffs. “I believed she’s riding that creep’s dick. Now I know, she put on a show to get my attention, not to rub it under my nose. My sweet doll is missing me.”

“Well, if she’s your sweet doll try to treat her better. She deserves someone to take good care of her.”

“Steve—”

“No, Buck. You need to handle her with care,” Steve won’t let his friend get away with a false excuse. “Y/N got hurt by you once, Buck. I don’t want you to make the same mistake twice.”

You walk a little faster to outrun Bucky. He’s following you around town, a bouquet of roses in his hands.

He tried to convince you to move in with him, promising the world to you.

“Go away,” you huff. “I don’t know what kind of game you are playing, but I won’t participate. Just leave me alone.”

“You know that you can’t run away from me in those shoes, right?” Bucky smirks when you stop in your tracks to look at the colorful thongs you’re wearing. “I never understood how you can walk in these…”

“I like to feel the sunshine and air on my feet,” you point out. “Not everyone wants to run around in polished leather shoes all the time.”

“Ouch,” he snickers. “Come on, baby doll. Let’s have lunch together. Give me the chance to show you that I can change.”

“Bucky,” you sigh. “You don’t get that I can’t go back to what we had.”

“Y/N,” he drops the roses to cup your face. “I don’t want to go back to what we had. Baby doll, let your Bucky treat you like a queen.”

“I don’t want you to treat me like a queen,” you wrap your hands around his wrists to pull his hands off of your face, “only like someone you respect and love. I want you to treat me like your girlfriend. But you can’t give me that.”

“Baby…”

You look on the ground. “Please pick the roses up and give them to someone who wants to become your next sugar babe. I’m out of this for good.”

Again, you walk away. You’re holding your head high and ignore the ache in your heart as you leave Bucky behind.

'Cause you make me feel like I've been locked out of heaven For too long, for too long Yeah, you make me feel like I've been locked out of heaven For too long, for too long, oh-oh, oh-oh-oh Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah (ooh) Oh, yeah, yeah Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah (ooh) You bring me to my knees, you make me testify (ooh) You can make a sinner change his ways (ooh) Open up your gates 'cause I can't wait to see the light (ooh) And right there is where I wanna stay (ooh)

“What the fuck!” You yell out of your window. Bucky parked his car in front of your apartment complex. He’s singing along to a song, begging you to take him back. “It’s 2 am Bucky! What is wrong with you?”

He turns the volume down and kills the engine before waving at you.

“Baby doll,” he slurs. “I came here to bring you home. ‘m missing you, doll…Please come home.”

“SHUT UP!” one of your neighbors yells out of their window. “Do you know how late it is?”

“It’s 2 am,” Bucky yells back. “Stop yelling so loud. You’ll wake the neighbors!”

“BUCKY! Stop being so loud!”

“Baby…can I come up and cuddle you?” He grins dopily when you slam the window shut. “She loves me!”

“SHUT UP!” Your neighbor yells.

“Shut up!” Bucky yells back. “OH…there you are…” He stumbles toward the door when you get out. “BABY DOLL!”

“Bucky,” you hiss and grab his hand. “Stop yelling and come with me.”

“You look pretty in your pajamas,” he purrs your name and wraps himself around you. Bucky nuzzles his face in your neck and sighs. “Without you, I’m in hell, doll. Forget about that old creep and go for Bucky.” He mutters against you.

You sigh deeply. “Fine, come with me to heaven. You can bunker on my couch. In the morning, we will talk about impulse control and not yelling in the middle of the night.”

Tags in reblog.

[omaano]

SW Hades AU June Update

Other monthly updates: May - June - July - August

This month I’ve had some time to organize my notes and plans for my Star Wars meets Hades AU - I have a massive table for all of the characters, which original Hades game character they had been modeled after, and whether they need portraits/tokens/keepsakes/crests/etc. it’s colour coded and everything. (Fennec had to be cut out from the lineup and I’m hopelessly heartbroken about the whole thing* 😭)

Everyone has an icon who needs one (I’m sorry about the Echo and Fives one, okay? But they come as a package deal, and I also wanted to make sure that Echo is easily distinguishable from all the other clone characters and not just the average looking clone guy next to Fives who - by order of elimination - must be Echo), and everyone has a crest who needs one (except for maybe Barriss… I feel like that the Jedi order symbol doesn’t fully fit her, but for now I will keep it as a place holder. I can't come up with anything better for her at the moment T^T. The froggie returned to the “chtonic companions” line (it is exactly the plushie that Echo and Fives would give Grogu), and now there is Batcher too! If you notice any similarities between Batcher and Boba’s old rancor rag doll, it’s mostly because I took that one and modified it to fit the lurca hound, since they have a similar back ridge pattern.

I also think that it could be a cute in-universe thing if the Batcher doll had been modified from the rancor. Timelines are very flexible in this AU anyway, so it could be totally plausible.

Speaking of! I have a character sketch for Omega and Batcher!

It took me a while to settle on which version of Omega I wanted to put into this AU, but I am very happy with what I could come up with in the end. I had some trouble with what to do with her face, since Hades is really lacking in young teenage characters, and even Melinoe and Eris from Hades2 didn’t prove to be of much help, so I allowed a bit more of my own style to slip back in. With everything else I think it hit a nice enough balance. I mixed her s2 and s3 appearance into one outfit and gave her back her hat and old crossbow (I know she got a new one from Echo, but I prefer how this one sticks out over her shoulder).

This seems to be a girls’ update, since the next sketch I want to share concepts Bo-Katan and her Nite Owls! I’ve wanted to add them to this AU for ages, but all that armor and posing had just seemed too much of a hassle up until I had to seriously distract myself from some irl stress. So now I’ve got the trio to stand in for the fury sisters as first bosses. (I'll need to adjust Koska a little, I see it now)

God bless whoever’s decided to make one of those 30 cm action dolls of these guys, they had been so helpful when it came to looking up reference details! (While we are at details: I made Koska left handed (I think? Or opposite handed at the very least) because I had been coming up with their composition under the impression that she had her flame thrower in her right vambrace like Din and Boba do, which, upon further inspection, she does not ^^;)

Some in-universe thoughts regarding them: 1) Din can very much lose the Darksaber to whoever kicks his ass if he runs with is as his weapon of choice, and then has to return to reclaim it from that enemy (he doesn’t want to but they are in his way), and if he loses it either to her or another enemy Bo-Katan will most definitely have an opinion on the matter. 2) Boba is more than happy to swoop in as a “godly call” against Koska. If he has the option to claim the Call boon from Boba, it's a pretty good indicator that it will be Koska waiting for him at the end of the level. 3) After a while and enough encounters Axe starts showing up around and in the arena on this AU’s equivalent of the Elysium level. Paz would do anything not to have to talk about that minor detail. (Din: "Why does Axe Woves keep calling you baby girl?" Paz *steam escaping from the edge of his helmet* "how about we stop talking for a while." <- This meme has been on my mind for months, now you have to suffer it with me XD) After that it’s a boss fight of Din vs Paz and Axe.

This post is getting a bit long, so I will leave my progress with Obi-wan’s background to the next update. I will also make a separate post on the new little portrait icons, but I really liked how cute Rex and Omega looked next to each other in the big lineup Q^Q

*the only thing that made me dedicate myself to this decision with a heavy heart is that Fennec had been in the Bad Batch, and that would give me the ideal excuse to imagine her in a Hades2 inspired AU where she is helping Omega (as a stand in for Melinoe). I’ve thought a lot about this even before the test version of the game came out, and a lot of it would track now that I’ve seen some game play and story and characters but. Let’s not be delusional, I can barely keep up with this project, and the Hades2 art style, while super pretty, has a twist on the first game's art style that makes me want to cry when I think about replicating it ^^; so that just remains a nice little thought experiment.

Ventress went through the same thing, mostly because I think that in a strange way she would fit very well with Hecate's role. Especially after that s3 episode where she had her cameo with her new fancy haircut.

[the-anonymous-club]

So with the new Poppy Playtime chapter on the horizon, my rich!poppy au is on my brain, so here’s some sketches and some notes in the cut below!

• At the top is the physical differences between regular Poppy and Rich!Poppy. Poppy is vibrant, more well-kept and put together. And of course we can’t forget her terrifying bloodshot eyes! Rich on the other hand is more diluted and dark in hair color and has brown eyes. He’s generally unkempt and has a perpetual scowl. His eyes aren’t as bloodshot, but they do have severe eye bags (much like his old human body). He also has thicker brows. He made them that way probably with a permanent marker to reflect his original body and general pissed off demeanor (but can you really blame him?).

• Sketch of how I’m drawing the player for now. Unsure if I should make them their own distinct character or have them be sort of a Y/N character since we don’t know what they look like or who they are other than that they’re a previous Playtime Co. employee. Kinda just met in the middle, though things might change later.

• Sketch of what I picture Rich to look like as his regular middle-aged man self.

• To be honest I wish we got more helpful actions from Poppy. I love having a companion in game who helps out the player like in little Nightmares 2 or Portal 2, so I think Rich would do more to help us. Poppy is DEF giving villainous vibes as of the end of the 2nd chapter, but Rich would just want to get the hell out of dodge and see if there’s a way to get his old body back, or at least NOT be a toy anymore. Sure, he’d get to play damsel as well if we’re following major plot points, but for this au he’d be around more to give helpful commentary and quips.

• At the bottom there’s an alternate overalls outfit because I think it’s cute! It also might make Rich feel more at home in his current body. Lots of toy’s have varying outfits, so I’m taking inspiration from Chucky My Beloved and making a Working Gal Poppy! A discontinued version of the Poppy doll where she does some sort of labor job or gardening or something idk.

So there’s my thoughts for now! I have more stuff in mind to flesh this au out, so look forward to more coming soon!

[2-dsimp]

Hi! Can I get a sfw match up with the spin offs? Here's my info:

🩷Height: 5'0

🩷Age: 18

🩷Gender: Male (Ftm trans and a femboy :D)

🩷My passions: Art and music! ^^

🩷My hobbies: Drawing (both traditionally and digitally), singing, dancing (sometimes, I'm more of a low energy person most of the time), listening to music, playing with the stray cats my family takes care of or just watching them be idiots (affectionate)

🩷My profession: None yet but I plan to do something art related

🩷Other info: I'm very skinny to the point where I can actually feel my ribs through my shirt (I know how unhealthy that is and I've been trying to gain weight qvq), and I'm naturally flat, so I don't have to worry about top surgery or binders :D I have olive skin and I LOVE dressing in cute pastel pink and girly clothes <3 My Mbti is INFP and I am very very introverted, I like to keep my hair growing super long, the longest it has gotten recently is when it almost reached my hip level. I love animals and sweets. I have also been told by my friend that I'm quite naive, which is why I was oblivious to all the drama with my classmates (she was the one who told me about the beef everyone has with each other)

Thank you so much! ^^

(I love your content btw, I check your blog daily like it's newspaper and I'm a dad drinking coffee at the dinner table in the morning XD)

☆☆Yandere Gacha Match-up☆☆

【Recalibrating your results from the Spin-offs to be tailored fit to your Gacha Darling profile!】

Synchronization complete!

Congratulations! The Yandere Gachaman You’ve been matched with…

《Icha the Cultleader》

Icha is your ideal man, if you’re a very introverted person he’ll be your chihuahua companion to ward off anyone trying to invade your space or waste your time. Since he’s an introvert he understands what it’s like to be comfortable with keeping to yourself. Despite many people interpreting it as just being shy. When in reality he doesn’t want to mingle and just wants to be alone with his darling.

If you’re trying to gain weight then look no further. He’s an excellent cook and knows the science behind different food groups. Enough to know what your diet should entail for you to gain enough weight to your satisfaction.

Just be prepared for him to notify you the time to eat breakfast, lunch, dinner, and dessert. With no exceptions to your tardiness as he’s the type to cook a full course meal. Like a dedicated line chef making sure you’ve eaten your fill.

Given that the Cultleader’s hair is also somewhat on the long side he’ll jump to help you style your hair. Making it apart of his daily routine in dolling you up before you both head outside to go out and spend some quality time with one another.

Additionally he fully supports your passion of the arts. And would be happy to showcase his own sketches and drawings that he’s made of you amongst some well hidden summoning sigils/spell incantations/love spells.

————;———;———;——

A/n: o(≧v≦)o thank you!

[acourtofthought]

Elain's beauty is constantly noted by a lot of characters in ACOTAR. Some of them think she hasn't noticed how beautiful she is. Do you think said beauty causes Elain to struggle to connect with others? Or is it more than that?

Also, you can add how it affects her relationship with her sisters, her mate, and the court she currently resides in.

I think Elain is self aware enough to realize that her beauty is what prevents others from seeing her as capable and intelligent. When even her mother felt that at 11 the most she would have to offer is her beauty as a way to benefit their family, that even her mother did not feel she was made of anything of substance and did not dream beyond her gardens and dresses it's going to be something that sticks with you. That makes you realize early on how beauty can actually be a hindrance at times because people forget to look beneath the surface and I think when Elain learned this lesson at such a young age she probably noticed how others fell into that exact same pattern of thinking as her mother. I don't think Elain struggles to connect with others in terms of how she perceives them, Cassian noted that Elain had always seen everything Nesta had done and understood why and we saw Elain argue against Nesta to help Feyre because of all Feyre had done for them but I do think it has made others struggle to connect with Elain. I don't think they know how to connect with her because they don't understand her (which Elain is aware of because she tells Lucien no one ever truly looked at what is in her heart). As far as how this all affects her relationship with her sisters, I think we've seen it play out. Where Nesta assumes Elain is loyal like a dog and Feyre only thinks of her as a pleasant companion. When the canon evidence tells us that Elain does understand her sisters but they don't seem to understand her, that they have struggled seeing her a capable individual beyond baking and her gardens and they don't turn to her for anything (IC business, a friendly ear, etc.), it gives the impression that to most people Elain is a doll in a box, pretty to look at but you can't do much with it. I don't think Lucien falls into this category because he was the first and only person who spoke to her directly about her very major part in the war. He is the one who saw something inside of her that made him blush. He is the only one who we've seen her express sadness to over how others see her.

[this-sapphic-paradise]

Barbie starts dating and Gloria feels jealous, maybe even an eventual love confession

Hope you like it!

And let me know if I should write a follow up!

"Mom," Sasha's exasperated tone makes Gloria's hackles raise before she can even finish her sentence. "You *have* to put yourself out there again. It's been what, a year since you and dad divorced." The teen looked at Barbie for support, but doll-turned-human used her perfect poker face, staring straight ahead to avoid being pulled into the discussion. (One year in the real world had been enough time to learn some social cues.)

"Traitor," Sasha mock-whispered at Barbie.

"It's *only* been a year," Gloria corrected, busying herself with dinner. "I don't hear you nagging Barbie to start dating."

"That's because I am dating," Barbie supplied, hoping to be helpful. (Not *all* cues.)

Gloria almost dropped the pan she was holding in her haste to turn around. "You are?!"

The look of shock and... sadness? in Gloria's eyes confused Barbie. "Should I not be?"

"No, no..." Gloria shook her head and softened her features into a careful neutral face. "Of course you should. You should date as much or as little as you want, just-" a sad smile tugged on her lips, "don't let bad people harden your heart, okay?"

Sasha observed the exchange, looking from her mom to Barbie and then back again. *Okay...* She mouthed to herself, knowing it would go unnoticed by the two women who were staring lovingly at each other.

"Whatever. What's for dinner?"

------

It's not like Gloria hadn't tried to get back into the dating game. She had downloaded all the typical apps—Tinder, Bumble, Hinge—, she had even ventured on Plenty of Fish before she understood the error of her ways and deleted her account immediately. But the apps made her feel like she was shopping for people, leaving a bitter taste in her mouth, and so, she had deleted them.

What was left for her to do? She wondered, still thinking about Sasha's incessant request a week after the incident in the kitchen, getting cozy on the couch under a soft blanket to watch the latest cult documentary (a welcomed change from all the murder true crime shows she watched). She wasn't in her twenties anymore, she didn't want to go out partying every weekend, so where was she supposed to meet men her age? Did men her age even want to date women as old as them??

"You have that look on your face," Barbie commented, joining Gloria on the couch and shimming under the blanket to make herself warm.

"The look of a tired, working mother?"

Barbie grinned, having grown rather fond of Gloria's little sarcastic quips. "No, that look is beautiful," she said earnestly. "The look that something is bothering you."

Gloria shook her head, trying to ignore how Barbie's honest compliments always sank sharp teeth into her heart. She pressed play on the remote and she pretended to pay attention to it simply so she wouldn't have to look into those soul-searching eyes as she spoke. "How has dating been going for you?"

"Hm..." Barbie took a second to think. "I've been on seven dates since last week—"

"What?!?"

Barbie blinked. "One each night, basically."

"How can you afford that??"

She shrugged, "I never have to pay for anything. All the men and women I've seen insisted on paying for me."

Gloria was mid thought of 'Of course they are paying for you,' when it registered that Barbie had said she was going on dates with women too. It should have been obvious, really, that Barbie would see women as perfectly viable companions, but for some reason Gloria had never considered that for herself.

"And... which have you liked best, women or men?"

Barbie scrunched up her nose as she thought about it. "It's difficult to find any man here who is interested in more than my looks and many of them are terrible kissers—though I'm not sure I'm a good one myself-"

"Of course you are," Gloria interrupted without thinking about what she was saying.

"Can you tell just by looking at me?" Barbie asked, wondering if that was another human thing she still had to learn.

"Uh..." Gloria blinked a few times, trying to come up with a good explanation for that intrusive thought at the same time as she tried to comprehend why the thought of Barbie not being a good kisser felt like an affront to her.

"I-I just know that you're very intuitive and kind, and I'm sure someone like that would know how to kiss well," she explained, hoping it sounded like a well-thought-out reason.

Barbie beamed at that, taking Gloria's words at face value.

"So, yeah, I think I'm much more inclined to keep dating women than men. But no girl has invited me nor agreed to go on a second date."

Gloria frowned again. How was that possible?? "Have any of them told you why?"

"They said they couldn't get into another situationship with a woman who's living with her partner and her daughter." Barbie shrugged and continued, "I don't know why that's such a problem for them, but if they see it that way, then I'm better off."

"Barbie..." Gloria tilted her head, her heart melting. "They think you and I are dating, or that we are exes but still live together. That's why they don't want to get involved." She chuckled, but her chest ached a little. "We *are* partners, but not in the way they think."

"Oh! Well... that makes way more sense now," Barbie laughed and got more comfortable on the couch, unbothered by the fact that a misunderstanding might have cost her a few dates.

-----

Rollerblading had been something Gloria and Sasha had taken up as mother-daughter bonding activity and both truly cherished the moments they spent together (even though Sasha still put up a bit of front as it was expected of a teenager).

They were enjoying the breeze as they skated down their regular route when Gloria suddenly blurted out, "Would it be weird if I started seeing women?"

Sasha almost fell flat on her face—not due to the question, but the abruptedness of it. She eyed her mother with an unreadable expression for a few seconds before smirking and asking, "Women or Barbie?"

"What?!? No! I mean-"

"Mom," Sash laughed, grabbing her mother's hand. "Either is totally fine and not weird at all. I mean, it'd be *really* weird to have a real life Barbie as a step-mom, but-" she shrugged, "I've been waiting for you to realize you've been in love with her from the moment you laid eyes on her."

Gloria wanted to deny it, she wanted to say Sasha was mistaken, that she had still been in love with her ex husband when they met Barbie, but she knew she would be lying. All Gloria could do was thank the heavens for the fact that Sasha did not seem to be traumatized by the changes in their family.

"There's no step-mom just yet," Gloria said shyly, choosing to stay away from heavy topics for the time being. "Do you think she would go on a date with me?"

"Are you kidding me?" Sasha scoffed, rolling her eyes at her mom. "I've seen the way you too look at each other. I think it gave me literal cavities. It's disgusting, really."

Laughing at her daughter's dramatics, Gloria sighed and said, "I guess I'll ask her out then." Her heart soared with the possibilities the future held, and she could only hope Barbie would say yes.

[thedivineerotic]

The 4th House Experience Pt. 1:

(The Ugly Duckling)

Case Study: Lilo Pelekai

“Home is where the heart is.” - Anonymous

“Home is not where you live, it is where you belong.” - African Proverb

Out of all the water houses (4th, 8th and 12th), the 4th house is given the least amount of attention in online astrology circles, ironic considering that is the only one of the three houses to also serve as an angular house. It doesn’t share the dark, esoteric reputation that makes the 8th and 12th houses such popular houses, but just because it deals with relatively “lighter” topics such as family, the home, ancestry, roots and history doesn’t mean that it isn’t deep. As a matter of fact, one could argue that it is the deepest of the water houses seeing that it is the only one below the horizon. When I first delved into astrology, admittedly the 4th house was not one that garnered much of my attention and for a while I actually considered it one of the more boring of the astrology houses but upon further growth, study and reflection the depths of it became very apparent.

And they were presented perhaps no better than the little girl whose character won me over more than any Disney princess both as a kid and now. 

The movie lilo and stitch ironically starts with Lilo swimming in the depths of the ocean. She rushes from the beach to make it to her hula dancing lesson. Upon getting there she is immediately singled out for being late, being wet and the seemingly strange explanation of why she had to feed the fish Pudge a peanut butter sandwich as he has control of the weather. Her instructor nor the other girls in the class understand the reasoning behind why her routine with Pudge the fish is so important and ostracize her, with the defacto leader of the small girls’ group Myrtle going as far as to call her “crazy.”

And immediately getting her ass beat because of it.

Unfortunately Lilo is ostracized by her peers, robbed of a sense of belonging from a very young age. Aside from her sister, her sole sense of belonging comes from her doll “Scrump” whose appearance scares the other girls and further causes her to feel like a misfit. 

Later in the story we get the explanations to her seemingly strange behavior, we see that her Tuesday routine with Pudge and the importance of him controlling the weather comes because her parents died while driving in the rain. Her being nostalgic and an old soul sets her apart, her favorite artist being Elvis Presley. She latches onto “Scrump” because she is lonely and has no friends. She makes a wish on what she thinks is a shooting star and prays for a friend (wishes being an 11th house theme) and she is sent Stitch, an alien posing as a pet dog, fitting considering pets are a 6th house theme and the 4th house being 6 spaces from the 11th house. Although he too is different, something that uneases her older sister Nani almost immediately, and does not seem like a normal dog, Lilo embraces him from the very beginning, again speaking to Lilo’s nature to offer other misfits a sense of belonging like she herself doesn’t have.

The two misfits go on a series of adventures around the island, but even in that we can still see Lilo’s desperation to belong as she apologizes and still attempts to befriend the girls who have bullied her and treated both herself and Stitch as pariahs. 

Later in their adventures we see them eating at Nani’s job. The 4th house is representative of the sign of Cancer, opposite of the 10th house which is representative of the sign of Capricorn. Nani displays many themes of the 10th house, tirelessly bouncing from job to job to provide for Lilo and although she initially wanted to fulfill Lilo’s wish and give her a companion, Stitch threatens her job search and the already flimsy structure of their house so much that she can’t afford the sympathy in gifting him a sense of belonging like Lilo can. She is just about to throw Stitch out of the house when Lilo brings up a quote from her deceased parents, Ohana. 

“Ohana means family…”

Despite being a young girl, Lilo is very attached to the memory of her parents, keeping a picture of them underneath her pillow. She also keeps a physical book copy of the “The Ugly Duckling”. In it she explains the story of a baby duckling that is sad because “he’s been left behind by his family and nobody wants him. But they hear him crying and they find him and now he is happy because he knows where he belongs.”

The night when Stitch threatens to run away, he takes her copy of the Ugly Duckling with him. Lilo tries her best to convince him to stay, fearing losing the only friend other than Nani that she has ever had. When he still leaves, though disappointed she says that she will still never forget him as she “never forget anyone who leaves” before looking at the family picture with her parents again and tucking it back underneath her pillow. 

The next morning Stitch comes back, trying to escape capture. Naturally she misses her friend and helps him to evade from Jumba and Pleakly trying to arrest him, even going so far as to sacrifice her doll “Scrump” to blow up in the latter’s face. Things unfortunately go too far when their literal house ends up being blown up. When Stitch finally reveals himself to be an alien, she feels betrayed, as if Stitch took advantage of her need for belonging with his need to escape (the 4th house and 9th house themes again being at odds as the 9th house is 8 spaces from the 4th house, the 8th house signifying deception and destruction). When she is taken instead of Stitch she feels defeated, fearing losing her older sister and her home of Hawaii, she officially belongs to nothing.

Someone that gave her a sense of belonging has left her behind once again.

Finally at the end, upon being rescued and securing Stitch as her pet and best friend for good, Lilo has finally found her sense of belonging. Despite being robbed of a life with her parents, her natural family, she is able to find a family, a tribe, one made up of her older sister along with fellow misfits and aliens just like her.

No one got left behind and no one got forgotten.

As a 4th Houser, depending on the conditions of the house, your sense of belonging has likely fluctuated throughout your life. No one knows to highs a sense of belonging brings and the low a sense of not belonging brings like you. 

You may some severe abandonment issues and may have fought to be included, to feel you belong in circles where others were seemingly accepted easily. And if you have it, you fought hard not to loose it.

But in the end, you stop fighting to belong and another alien, or group of aliens, find you.

So even if people have left you in some circles, even if people have pushed you out of others, here's to finding and holding tight to your own “Ohana”.

And keeping onto those memories along the way!

Signed, The Divine Erotic (4th House Moon)

[a-court-of-lust-and-stardust]

Love on Ice Chapter 6: The Second Flashback

@chachachai17 and I hope you enjoy chapters 6 and 7 tonight ❤️

5 years ago, age 21

Elain applied a thin coat of lipstick and fluffed her hair once, checking herself in the mirror a last time before heading downstairs. She felt pretty, and allowed herself to feel a sliver of excitement. As she reached the bottom of the staircase, Elain decided nothing could tarnish her mood. 

On the floor in the living area, Feyre was surrounded by tubes of paint and an untouched canvas. She glanced at Elain, shooting a wink her way. “Where are you going all dolled up?”

Elain blushed and nodded her thanks. “It’s Laverna’s twenty-first birthday. She’s having a party at her home in the Dawn Region. She invited me the last time I saw her at the ice rink. I wasn't going to go but,” Elain rubbed her arm sheepishly. “I figured I might enjoy myself. I don’t plan on being out very long, though.” 

“Who else is going?” Feyre asked, squirting paint onto a glass pallete. She’d chosen a variation of pinks and golds and purples. Brushes were spread widely around the floorboards. 

“Aspen from Winter and Zarah from Spring. They're both ice dancers. We’re not really friends, but we talk once in a while. I thought I could get out of the house and have some fun before the competition tomorrow.” 

“You thought wrong,” Mama said, slinking into the living area with a steaming cup of tea. She didn't spare a glance toward Elain as she sat down on the sofa and said, “The only thing you're doing tonight is going upstairs, taking all of your makeup off, putting on your skating attire, and heading over to the rink for one last practice.” 

Elain and Feyre shared a look. 

“Mama, I haven't really made friends since we moved here,” Elain pointed out gently, ringing her fingers together. “These girls are nice to me and I would like to get to know them better.” 

"You do not need friends,” Mama said, eyes flashing to her face before landing on the television. Mama never looked at Elain for more than a few seconds at a time. 

“I think Elain deserves to build her own connections,” Feyre advocated quietly, spreading gold paint on the canvas. 

“Distractions,” Mama corrected sharply, kicking off her slippers, curling her legs underneath her bottom. The sisters flinched. “Friendships are distractions, and the last thing your sister needs is to be preoccupied.”

“I’m fully prepared for the competition tomorrow,” Elain defended, though her voice had grown shaky. Feyre’s gaze was one of pity. 

“You can never be too prepared,” Mama spat back. “Just this week, you fell during a twizzle. A twizzle! And look at what your sister is doing right now. She’s spending her weekend perfecting her craft. You don’t see her out and about with any companions, do you?”

“That's because they were all busy tonight,” Feyre muttered under her breath, pressing the brush harder against the canvas. 

“And Nesta has been at the studio for nine hours today and she’s still not home,” Mama remarked, sipping from her mug. “That is dedication. Something you surely lack.” 

Elain’s tears dampened her mascara, black streaks running down her rosy cheeks. So much for spending hours on making herself look beautiful. 

“Mama, Elain is one of the most dedicated people I know,” Feyre complimented, smiling sadly at her older sister. Elain shook her head, a silent plea for Feyre to stay quiet. Nothing either of them said would change Mama’s mind. 

Mama huffed, shaking her head. “Then that’s truly a shame,” She glanced toward Elain once more, face void of warmth. “Call your friends and tell them you are not coming. The rink closes in two hours, so you’d best get a move on. And don’t you ever pull a stunt like this again or else you’ll skate until your toes bleed.” 

And when Elain had changed into her sweater and leggings and flung her skating bag over her shoulder, she hadn’t bothered saying goodbye. 

ARTWORK FOR THE CHAPTER BY @chachachai17: Here

DIVIDER BY: @saradika-graphics

[selfproclaimedunicorn]

Bfsjfjajri, this took forever because I get so, so distracted so easily. But here's that sweet, sweet lore @corporalicent

Daenys Targaryen is Rhaenyra's sister who's younger than her by a year. She is soft & feminine & girly & she very much revels in the trappings of being a girl as a sort of rebellion against their dad being disappointed in her not being that sweet, sweet son by Aemma he keeps pining for. It allows her a sense of freedom because it let's people just kind of beigningly ignore her due to "oh she does what she's supposed to." It's equal parts "I like this," & "I can manipulate people this way." Weaponized I'm Soft And Girly And Prone To Hysterical Irrational Emotions.

Her companion & bestie is Lyonel Strong’s youngest daughter, Cassana, & she also winds up starting a secret relationship with Tyland Lannister that culminates in a secret wedding. There's also the Targaryen Weirdness that comes from "I only have same gender siblings" she has to deal with for a bunch of her life & never really goes away even after the Targtower boys are born because, well, Daenys is 14 when Aegon is born. The pressure is off at that point, but her & Rhaenyra both still have to contend with "if one of us was a boy we'd be married, but we aren't so what are we?" Their arc together is going to be very heartfelt & I'm hyped for the feels of "what do I do without an older brother to marry like I'm supposed to?"/"I'm glad Rhaenyra is my sister so I can dream about hunky boys & kiss Tyland without feeling guilty"

Also, I don't get to talk about it a lot, but she is a dragon rider & I made her baby special for her. Her dragon is purple/blue/pink & named "Windscream." Very femme, very girly, this is what Daenys deserves: a dragon that compliments her eyes.

She & Tyland have boocoo kids. Like, 6 or 7? I keep debating one of them, but they have 5 girls & at least 1 boy at the end (Aemma, Jonquil, Genna, Alysanne, Vaella, & Tybolt for sure. MAYBE Gerion).

Also, also I am letting @murmel-malt borrow my girl Daenys as one of her OC Hedaera's kids. Because friendship is trading your OCs around like Barbie dolls

Aldreda Farwynd is my chaotic, bisexual, selkie coded, pirate queen, seal mommy & I adore her so. She's the last living child of Lord Alfric Farwynd of Lonely Light & she is stuck in a succession crisis of her own because of this. She had 20-something brothers that all died at various points in her life, with the one she's fully related to (Alfric has 5 wives) dying before she was even born. Her brothers in order (and with their death details) are as follows:

Euron: died at 35 on a raid

Ronas: died in the cradle before Aldreda was born

Barrian: died at 32 on a raid [same raid as Euron]

Theon: died at 28 from an oral infection that spread

Faren: sailed further west at age 22 & was never seen again, presumed dead

Edgard: sailed west with Faren at age 18, presumed dead

Coren: died at 22 while sailing home due to being caught in a bad storm

Orwen: died at 20 while sailing home, caught in the same storm as Coren

Randar: died at 17 while sailing home, caught in the same storm as Coren & Orwen

Winfirth: died of the shivers at age 3

Trystifer: died at 14 after drunkenly falling from the top of one of Lonely Light's towers

Sigeric: murdered at 15 during a physical altercation about bedding the prettiest girl at Lonely Light

Vernyn: sailed east to try & explore Valyria's ruins at 16

Ulfric: died of a burst belly/ruptured appendix at age 9

Alwin: died at 13 due to an infection from poorly treated wounds

Waeland: mortally wounded at age 12 during a spar with real weapons

Uther: drowned at age 8

Marlyn: slipped & cracked his head open at age 7

Hubert: died in the cradle

Rhys: murdered by poison at his 6th name day

Her dad & his 2 brothers are a whole Thing, but the tl;dr is that Alfric & his full brother are the sons of a Salt Wife, & their brother (the son of their dad's Rock Wife) thinks he is entitled to Lonely Light more than "his dumb, older half-brother with a mainland mom." This gets imparted onto his oldest son, Westley, who is the grossest & most insidious man in the Iron Islands. He manipulates & grooms Aldreda for close to 2 decades before revealing how awful he is by trying to take her claim. Their altercation drives her away from home, putting her in position to become Aegon II's Master Of Ships during The Dance: something Aldreda does in exchange for a royal decree that inheriting Lonely Light is hers by right (following the Andal succession laws Aegon’s claim banks on).

She's 5-ish years younger than Alicent, & their relationship is...it is something. Initially for Aldreda it's "why shouldn't I fuck this hot, obvious lesbian? Don't I deserve comfort?" & for Alicent it's her finally getting egged on to do something with her own desires. They proceed to become each other's character development girlfriends who have actual feelings for each other beyond "this is for me & my pleasure." I'm still debating endings & major events beyond emotional growth arcs, but I know that Aldreda 100% kills at least one person for Alicent’s safety, & that they trade jewelry as part of Aldreda’s weird, fucky Ironborn "we belong to each other" thing. The mutual ownership thing is very important to Aldreda (& the mutual part is part-and-parcel with her growth. It would have just be a "it's about me having you" thing without the growth).

Their relationship is very "we didn't 'fix' each other, we just made each other the better version of who our lived experiences turned us into." Because "fixing" each other would honestly be inauthentic & it would amount to covering Aldreda in way less blood, & that's not very Sexy Pirate of her to not be covered in blood

[kumeko]

A/N: For the @violeteverzine! I wanted to dig a little more into Clara’s story, it was so heartbreaking and I love the idea of leaving letters for the future, for those who miss you to help ease their pain and tell them all the things you’ll never have the time to.

…

…

…

…

By the eight letter, Clara Magnolia’s voice faltered. It surprised her, a little, that she had managed to make it so far, that her aching body had carried her voice for as long as it had. When she’d first paid for this commission, she’d been afraid. There was so much she wanted to say and so little time to do it. Even now, they still had six days to go and yet another forty letters to dictate.

And her body would only get worse with time. Fortunately, her daughter Ann wasn’t peeking inside the window like she usually did—seeing Clara like this would have only made her worry. There was no time to reassure her.

As she rubbed her throat, her companion looked up from her typewriter and impassively regarded her.  Even for a Doll, there was something remarkably doll-like about Violet Evergarden, from her soft blonde hair to her distant blue-green eyes. Her delicate prosthetic fingers gleamed silver in the light as she paused. “Do you need a break?”

“A little,” Clara admitted ruefully, leaning back in her wicker chair. Bright green plants infused her sitting room with a show of life that she just didn’t feel. Picking up her tea, she wrinkled her nose as she sipped the now-cooled liquid. “I should have drank this earlier.”

“I can make you a new one,” Violet offered, her expression unchanged. It was hard to tell if she was asking out of concern or politeness.

“No, that’s fine.” Clara set down her tea once more. “Besides, I’m sure your fingers need to rest too. It must have been difficult, keeping up with my rambling thoughts.”

“No, that…that was fine.” An unreadable expression flickered across Violet’s face as she looked down at the stack of papers next to her. Her silver fingers lightly touched the sheets. “How many letters are you planning on writing?”

“As many as I can,” Clara answered honestly. With the condition her body was in, that was all she could promise. It had taken her time to save enough money to hire a Doll to write her letters, especially over the span of a week, and she knew she had to make the most of it. Even now, she could feel herself dying, her breath clawing its way out of her chest. “Forty, at least. Seventy, if I’m lucky.” She chuckled, her fingers gripping her chair tightly, the stray wicker cutting into her skin. “Forever, if I could.”

Violet tapped the paper again. Inquisitively, she asked, “Do you have a lot to say?”

Clara stared at Violet, surprised by the frankness of the question. After a moment, she laughed, a short bark that her father used to love. Another thing she had to add to the letter—the memories of a grandfather Ann would never meet. “I do. I think we all do, no matter what age we are. There’s always something more you want to tell the ones you love, always something else you need them to know.”

She picked up the closest envelope, its contents already sealed inside. Her fingers pressed against a coin stuck in the letter—it was a family tradition to give a silver coin on a child’s tenth birthday. One day, Ann would give it to her own daughter. “I’m just lucky I have a chance to put it all down on paper. Too many disappear or die without saying goodbye.”

Violet’s lips parted. Her head bowed slightly, her bangs hiding her eyes, but Clara had lived long enough to recognize a pained expression when she saw one. “It is hard,” Violet murmured, her fingers curling on her lap. “When they don’t say anything. When you can’t ask.”

Who are you thinking of? Clara almost asked, but the war was still fresh, and Violet’s prosthetics were obvious. Everyone lost someone in a hail of bullets and fire, in the bombs that had hung over their heads precariously. Even someone as young as Violet hadn’t been untouched by it all.

“It’s painful,” Clara agreed instead. She could almost see Ann in the teenager in front of her, hurt and alone. “I don’t think there is any way to stop that. There will always be unanswered questions. Unsaid things.”

Violet looked up, her expression calm once more. “Is that why you’re writing so many?”

It took Clara a moment to realize Violet was talking about the letters. She lowered her gaze to the letter in her hands, her fingers still pressed against the coin. “Partially.”

“Partially?” Violet cocked her head, perplexed.

“It might be a little vain of me,” Clara admitted, setting aside the letter as she picked up another. She could smell the flowers inside, the roses and sweet peas pressed to a page as a reminder of the greenhouse. By the time Ann got it, would she remember the other flowers that bloomed? Or would these pressings be the only survivors in her memory? “After I die, all Ann will have are her memories of me and these letters.  The memories will fade, but these letters…I hope they last. I hope she’ll have them for the years to come.”

“If…” Violet paused, hesitant. She brushed her hair behind her ear. “How do you know what to tell her?”

“I don’t,” Clara answered honestly. Death made her frank in ways her life hadn’t. “I’m trying to summarize my entire life and the life we could have had together. It’s hard to pick what to say. Anything I don’t…will be lost forever.”

Stories of her grandparents. Clara’s own memories. The way she spoke, the foods she made—even with the recipe cards she’d prepared for Ann’s eighteenth birthday, there would be so many more dishes abandoned to the stream of time. The only parts of their family, the only parts of Clara that would live on would be whatever Ann knew, whatever Ann shared.

“I suppose...I’m just picking the important things.”

Violet’s eyes widened. Her right hand clutched the green jewel pinned to her cravat. She wet her lips and breathed, “The important things?”

Clara smiled softly. “Anything that can give her my love. She’ll be lonely, but she won’t be alone.” She picked up another letter. This one had a ribbon inside, a gift for Ann’s fifteenth birthday. At that age, she’d probably have a crush or two. At that age, she’d need advice more than ever. Clara’s throat burned, filled with everything she’d never say. “I hope these words, these letters, will be there for her when I’m not.”

It was impossible, she was sure, to infuse her life into ink and parchment, to pour every ounce of her being into a hundred, even a thousand letters.

But she wanted to. She needed to.

Violet clenched her jaw, that unreadable expression back in her eyes. Her finger brushed the jewel once more. This time, when she spoke, it was with a quiet confidence. “They will be.”

It was a kind response, a polite answer, but something in Clara eased regardless. “Thank you.” Sitting up once more, she cleared her throat. “Shall we continue, then?”

“Of course.” Violet smiled briefly, her fingers already hovering over the typewriter.

Despite all that lay ahead, Clara knew her messages, her love would reach her daughter. Her gaze flickered to Violet’s pendant.

Hopefully, whoever Violet was thinking of, their messages, their love would reach Violet too.

Leaning back in her seat, Clara pictured her daughter as a bubbly, confident teenager, making the most of her gangly arms and confusing feelings. It was easy, so easy, to think about what she wanted to tell this future Ann.

“Dear Ann, happy sixteenth birthday! I’m sure you’ve gotten so big by now. Hopefully you’re taller than me. Sixteen is a special milestone, so I want to leave you something special in the envelope. It’s a pin your grandmother gave to me.”

Clara unclipped the pin on her chest, a bright, cheerful yellow pansy. Brushing its petals, she closed her eyes.

“Maybe one day, you’ll give it to your daughter and tell her stories about me.”

In her mind’s eye, she could see Ann grow, from sixteen to twenty to thirty, from child to woman to mother. At forty, her hair tied up in a bun and laugh lines showing her age as she pinned the pansy to her own daughter’s chest.

Ann looked up, her eyes still as bright as a child’s, and smiled at Clara. She mouthed, Message received.

She mouthed, I love you.

Clara opened her eyes, returning to the greenhouse and her letters. To the small Ann, still years from receiving the letter, still sullenly wondering what was happening. Violet looked at her expectantly.

She smiled. “Dear Ann, I know this is a scary time, full of changes, but everything will be okay.”

[gctchell]

anonymous asked: I can just imagine the potential au out of that niffty alastor Pic you posted.

Anon my brain has been buzzing ever since I saw it this morning, my GOD. The potential is JUICY.

"They say the family you choose is better." I thought this moment was a gross oversight and they completely forgot Niffty, because she is tiny and you can fit her just about anywhere - she'd fit perfectly above Alastor's head. But now that I've seen this little delicious piece of fanart, I'm wondering if it might have been intentional after all! Because Niffty is such a good family member to involve in moments like this, yet..

Also, these little dolls. Originally I assumed they were related to Alastor's practice, but getting a closer look at them.. They're a little cutesy, aren't they? Alastor summons brutal tentacles and shadow creatures that seem more fitting for his personal aesthetic, but then he also summons these little devil doll helpers that feel a little out of place. I'm not saying they couldn't fit him, especially with the dapper aesthetic, but looking at this new theory it feels more like Niffty's style, especially when you look at the expressions.

I can just envision Niffty sitting in her room stitching these things to life. I can see it so clearly.

I've been part of conversations that have thrown around the notion that Niffty is actually an Overlord, as well. In the Pilot, she was right there in the casting of the Overlords alongside Husk, who WE have found out is also an Overlord. There's also this neat Twitter post pointing out she has been in multiple imagery that I did not even notice!

ANYWAYS.

My brain is buzzing with scenarios where Niffty is an Overlord;

What the Hell is going to put Alastor within a deeply binding deal to another? This person has to be pretty damn powerful, wouldn't you think? Or in the least, incredibly crafty and clever. This man is BOUND to whoever has him on a leash and it is driving him up the wall. Before Niffty came down in the 50s, he's been kicking around in Hell since the 30s, he has some time under his belt and he has some experience.. So, what does this upstart have to offer?

Well, what if Niffty was a demonologist & worshipper in life and like him, came down to Hell experienced in a different walk of life? She knew exactly where she was going to wind up and she was polished, excited. This is her chosen afterlife and she adores it. She was ready, and there's nothing quite like a soul who embraces her afterlife with full awareness and embodiment of herself. She knows what she's doing, she knows how Hell works, she is expertly versed in it and an infernal academic. She starts ranking up as she pulls souls beneath her belt (how, I don't know just yet!).

Alastor is the kind of guy who is like 'game recognizes game' and he is quickly enticed by her! She's pleasant enough as a personality, and she's delightfully upbeat to boot. They're both from the Golden Age, so there's some relatability there, as well. Meanwhile, she knows who he is. Niffty is obsessive; she knows all the bad boys that are on the map (and even some who are off), and she knows he's a dealmaker. She's not new to deals, either - she made plenty with various sorts of the damned while she was alive.

Her side of the deal is very simple: You be my special companion, and I'll lend you my power. We'll be so happy together!

Niffty struggles to make friends. She loves hard, but she has a personality that can be seen as completely obnoxious and off-putting, driving people away. She's a chatterbox who can go on and on and on, and Alastor is also a chatterbox who can go on and on and on. That lonely heart of hers clutches this opportunity like a fucking knife and drives the needle home in sewing her deal into Alastor's skin, her way of lending him power, but also binding him so damn fiercely to her there is no breaking it. It's a deal. We're friends forever and always.

This is something that does not really grate on him too much as the arrangement is quite profitable and does not really weigh on him, it's in his favor. She tags along wherever he goes and he has power. Yet, prideful creature that he is, he is starting to feel the pull of the deal as he is woven tight to the hotel.

Why is he tied to the hotel if the one who has the contract is Niffty? Well, Niffty longs for friends, and who loved her people? Lilith. Who is going to accept her and support her? Lilith. Who is Niffty going to be loyal to in return? Lilith.

Lilith blips out of the picture for seven years, and coincidentally, so does Alastor. What if Niffty went MIA for all this time, as well? Whatever happened wove them in tight with the Happy Hotel, and Niffty now has an obligation to Charlie - Lilith's daughter. Who has a better shot of being the more charismatic personality that can weave them into the picture more seamlessly? Alastor.

In Episode 8, we see Alastor finally forming something of a soft spot for the group and he has this tender moment with Niffty, confiding in her this truth. It's very sweet. Then later, after barely surviving Adam, Alastor almost died because of this sentimental attachment bullshit. No way, that's not how he is going to go out. He needs to get out of this deal with Niffty somehow, someway, he just doesn't know how yet.

Niffty is very clingy, as well. She said forever, and she meant forever.

[jeweledflowers]

𝐋𝐢𝐥𝐲 𝐎𝐟 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐕𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐲. || 𝙍𝙤𝙭𝙖𝙣𝙖 𝘼𝙜𝙧𝙞𝙘𝙝𝙚.

Roxana is 16, and so is reader. This is just a little bit after Cassis became Roxana's toy.

reader is referred to as 'they/them' throughout the entire story-! and reader, roxana are referred to as children at one point by reader's aunt

also not a happy ending. (sorry, but do you know how hard it is to write good endings for agriche?)

warnings: violence, roxana has a dream of ashil's death, maria is a whole warning in herself, basically the agriche and you lot know what kind of people they are,,, angst at the end

-

𝐑𝐨𝐱𝐚𝐧𝐚 𝐀𝐠𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐡𝐞 faced every new day more hatefully than she did the previous one.

It is kind of impossible to retain your purity, your decency, your humanity, once you're in the grasp of the Black Agriche.

And she is not any different.

At least up until a certain point.

'L-lady Roxana,' A trembling maid stutters out, 'the head is looking for you.'

'Very well.' If Lant is looking for her she doesn't really have a choice, does she?

'You called, Father?' She bends slightly and plasters a (fake) smile on her face. Lant looks up and she represses a shudder. Everyday he gets uglier.

'Yes, Roxana. I assume all the preparations are complete?'

'Of course, Father. You will not be disappointed.'

'You have turned out much better than you brother, what was his name, Ahil,'

'If you are talking about my brother who died, his name was not Ahil, but Ashil.'

'Well, that is not what I called you here for. I need to form an alliance with a neighboring noble family, but they keep stubbornly refusing. and they have a child who is roughly the same age as you. i want you to get close to their daughter, so we can use them to form an alliance with their family. '

Roxana feels slight pity stir up in her heart for this person, but nonetheless, she smiles, 'Yes, Father.'

-

'Emily.'

Emily's expression is controlled, like always. 'Yes, my lady.'

'Send out on an invitation to the third child of the neighboring family, to meet me for tea tomorrow afternoon.'

'Understood, my lady.'

After Emily leaves, Roxana drops her normal pretense, collapsing into a chair. This person, to whom Roxana just sent a friendly tea party invitation, had no idea what they were entering, that the Agriche were something like hell on earth.

Well, time doesn't slow down, and tomorrow arrives. Roxana heads downstairs with a kind of dread welling up in the back of her throat. She doesn't even know what kind of person they'll be. What if they're just as unhinged as the Agriche and that's why Lant wants an alliance with them?

But they're not anything like the agriche. They're sitting down and looking around the gardens with mild interest and sparkling eyes. When Roxana enters the room, they stand up. 'Lady Roxana.'

'Please, take a seat.' Roxana cordially replies. 'How are you doing?'

'Oh, I'm alright, what about you, Lady Roxana?'

'Just like always. So...'

The conversation flutters past easily and Roxana is amazed by how easy it is to talk to them--just as easy as it was to talk to Ashil. They don't revere Roxana but neither do they fear her--they just treat her like a normal person, and it's lovely.

Eventually, the peace is interrupted by the arrival of the one Agriche that even the other Agriches dread--Maria. And of course, she's dragging Sierra and a few 'dolls' along with her.

Roxana swallows hard and looks at her newfound companion. Will they be unnerved? Terrified? Disgusted? She can't blame them for any of those emotions. She herself holds so much resentment towards each and everyone in this house, except perhaps her mother.

'Ana.' Sierra weakly calls out. The presence of her daughter, Maria and Maria's dolls seems to be all too much for her to handle.

Roxana exhales and stands up. The person sitting across from her is watching the proceedings with a curious look on their face. 'Mother.' Roxana says, and then turning to Maria, 'Lady Maria. I am in the middle of hosting a guest, so if you could please-'

'Ah, yes! You're the third child of that family's head!' Maria snaps her fingers at them, and they don't flinch but watch her with polite intrigue. 'Ah, they'd look so pretty as a doll. Don't you agree, Sierra?'

Sierra's helpless eyes connect with the other person's. 'Uhm-Maria, I-!'

Roxana taps her foot impatiently against the ground. 'Mother, Lady Maria, please leave. You might leave a bad impression on my guest.'

Maria tuts, 'you're no fun, Roxana!' but eventually-finally-she leaves.

Roxana looks at them. 'I apologize, I-'

'No need.' They airily shake off the incident. 'Sit down, Lady, and don't trouble yourself over the little things.'

-

'Roxie!' Ashil is crying from inside the room where he's supposed to kill the target. 'Not Roxie--not mother--please...'

The slice of a sword, the scream of a young boy, and Ashil's now limp body falls into the ground.

Roxana shoots up from her bed, her breathing fast, her chest feeling strangely hollow. She clutches at her heart, which is physically hurting her. Looking at the clock, she realizes with a pang that it's almost 8:00 AM. Dion will be returning soon.

Facing her brother's murderer after reliving his death leaves a rather sour taste in her mouth, but she stands and dresses for the day.

-

A few days later, they meet with Roxana again. This time Roxana goes over to their place, marveling at the sheer happiness and love their family radiates.

Their aunt beckons Roxana into her embrace. 'Oh, dear. You're more beautiful than I could ever have thought! Make yourself at ease, my dear.'

Then they bounce down the staircase. 'Lady Roxana-I see you've met my aunt! Come, I've prepared some games. Care to try me at chess?'

It's a day like Roxana's never known before. After a heated, intense game of chess, she's led down to the vast garden and meets their cousins, and brother (who is so nonchalant about her that you'd think she was a kid off the streets and not the daughter of Agriche). Roxana is persuaded by her newfound friend, and they, Roxana, their brother and cousins all engage in a round of games like running races and contests of who can climb trees the fastest, and after this tea is served and the five exhausted children eat ravenously.

As evening draws to a close, the time of Roxana's departure arrives. After her marvelous experience of the day, to return to the dreary Agriche is almost unbearable. But of course, she has to return, and perhaps she should thank Lant for making her meet them.

Before she leaves, they see her off at the gate and engulf her in a huge hug. 'I really hope you had fun, Lady Roxana.'

The feeling of being held in someone's warmth, being treated like a human and not a tool, is so foreign that Roxana leans into the hug and smiles, in despite of herself. 'Call me Roxana.'

-

Almost 2 weeks after this beautiful visit, Maria sits on her couch and is deep in thought. Roxana has been visiting them every week, with a result of a completely changed lady. Yes, she's still Lant's favorite, and she hatched the poisonous butterflies, and Maria can sense the manipulative aura from her, but everytime she is told that she'll be visiting that family, it all changes. The set of her jaw loosens, her face flushes a youthful pink, and there's a certain spring in her step. She seems so happy, so unlike herself, that Maria takes it upon herself to invite Roxana's friend for tea and see what kind of person they are.

Maria has confided about all this to Sierra, who listened and then, the purest of smiles lights up Sierra's face. 'My beautiful Ana... she deserves to be happy. I'm glad she has a friend.' -was Sierra's only reply.

When Maria invites them for tea, she can't help but send an invitation to Sierra as well. Sierra is so lovely--how could she not invite her?

Like the invitation requested, they show up at the time stated. Maria claps her hand cheerfully, and Sierra involuntarily flinches.

'Well! it seems like we are all here.'

'Thank you for having me, Lady Maria.' They politely respond.

'Oh, don't mention it!'

As the conversation dawdles on, Maria becomes bored. How come someone as beautiful as Roxana cares about this person?

But they'd look even better if they were one of her dolls...

In her psychopathic frenzy, Maria attacks them. The scene tilts sideways, full of Sierra's pleas for Maria to stop and full of Maria's manical cackling.

But they don't seem scared. Pinned to the ground with that damned umbrella under their chin, they stare at Maria in the eye. They don't say a word. They don't even seem afraid, and if they are they fight through it, and remember that courage is not the absence of fear but preservering in spite of it.

'Don't just stare at me, dear. It bores me--and I dislike being bored.'

Just as Maria is about to slice off their neck,--they still don't seem afraid!--a cold, monotone voice breaks the haze of psychopathy.

'Mother.' Dion Agriche arrives on the scene. 'What are you doing?'

As he says this, he grips Sierra's wrist and helps her stand. Sierra rushes over to Maria. 'Maria--Maria, they're just a child, don't-'

Dion cocks his head. 'Not that I care, but they're from a noble family and you cannot kill them or turn them into one of your completely ridiculous doll, despite your clear insanity, Mother.'

Maria removes her umbrella from their neck, breathing very fast, and they stand up, massaging their neck. No one says a word for a while, until Roxana arrives.

'Oh my goodness.' Roxana ejaculates. 'What happened here?' She turns on Dion. 'You-! Must you hurt everyone?'

'No, Roxana,' They hurriedly reassure her, 'if he hadn't arrived that woman would've taken my neck clean off.'

Roxana stares at Dion for 2 seconds before she turns around, haughtily saying, 'I'm very much obliged to you.'

And as she passes her mother she whispers, 'Thank you, mother.'

-

A while later Roxana is called by Lant who grins maniacally. 'Dion has reported to me that you and that child are so close that you are on first name terms. Now we can use them. Good, Roxana, excellent!'

Roxana only bows and says through tight lips, 'Thank you, Father.' before she turns around and runs, all the way to their place.

She'd been a fool to let herself get so attached, she curses inside her head. How could she endanger them like that? How could she forget that her family didn't allow happiness or joy, that there was no room in her family for something gentle and welcoming, that her family despised courage? How could she let someone so pure fall into the hands of such a deplorable, depraved family?

How could she willingly give them to the Agriche?

As she arrives, wearing nothing but a blue cloak over her dress, she looks over the vast acres of flowers. She gathers some lily of the valley, and heads up the steps to knock on the door.

The door is opened by one of their servants, who smiles at Roxana. She forces herself to smile back, the muscles in her face working rather hard, as though they had forgotten how to do it.

'Lady Roxana! Oh, you're here to see the third child, I assume? They're out at the moment-'

'It does not matter.' Roxana interrupts. 'Just lead me to their bedroom. I... need to leave something for them.'

In silence she is led to their bedroom. She presses the lily of the valley underneath their pillow, with one note: 'I'm so sorry, but this is all for you.'

They would understand, if not accept, that this was the end.

--

okay I'm done! next up is the medea solon one.

sorry for the ending-?

--

Tags: @meenasmagic, @writerinthedeepwoods, @that-one-pretty-bitch

--

[saintsenara]

nor all that glisters gold sirius black & bellatrix lestrange teen | 8.8k words

an understanding dawns between them. despite their age gap, they recognise in each other a shared capacity for cruelty. they know their blood runs with a shared desire to see other people get hurt, a shared need for pain.

he treasures it.

when he was a child, sirius wanted nothing more than to follow in the footsteps of his favourite cousin. this desire will not last.

this piece was written for @womenofthehouseofblack fest [you can find the other fics in the collection here].

author's notes below the cut

sirius and bellatrix’s relationship is an area of canon which i find fascinating. the two are set up in the narrative as being extremely similar - right down to the fact that they both die laughing - in personality [and, of course, in appearance - the description of sirius in this fic as having brown eyes comes from a desire to emphasise that physical similarity; i know that jkr has said he has grey eyes, i’m just ignoring her…].

above all, both of them have two incredibly contradictory aspects to their personalities: they can be incredibly cruel; and they are astonishingly loyal.

and in this, bellatrix serves to emphasise something which i think is the standout aspect of sirius’ role in the harry potter series - what he says about the value of choice. i’ve written about this in more detail in the notes for lux aurumque, a sirius-focused one-shot i published recently, but the summary is that i am very uncomfortable with portrayals of sirius which undermine the significance of choice - and, in particular, the choice to defy your family in an extremely lineage-based society - in order to suggest that he feels more comfortable within the world of his birth than with james and the life he chooses to make for himself. lux aurumque deals with several of the choices referred to in this piece - particularly the idea that sirius asks the sorting hat to place him in gryffindor - in more detail.

it was important to me in nor all that glisters gold to draw out the idea that sirius’ discomfort with his social class starts early. he dislikes the pureblood friends his mother wants him to make, and the boring activities he is supposed to do to demonstrate his class background. he loves his cousins - his closest childhood companions - but when faced with the reality of what they are becoming as the first war rears its head, he knows what he has to do.

because bellatrix, of course, makes a different choice.

nor all that glisters gold is an examination of something which i am certain must have been a key aspect of bellatrix’s radicalisation, but which is absent from a lot of analysis about her: that she is someone who, from childhood, wishes to escape the gendered expectations of her social class. here, as in the three sisters [author’s notes here], another piece i’ve written for this fest, she talks about wanting to be a warrior like other girls talk about wanting to be a wife; and loathes the ephemera of girl-hood like dolls and tea-parties. in this, she is very much in contrast to narcissa, whose conformity to the expectations of her gender is explored in my narcissa-centric piece other women and of purer blood [author’s notes here].

one of the key gendered expectations that bellatrix chafes against is, obviously, marriage. [which is also something clearly rejected by sirius as well.]

that purebloods practise arranged marriage is implied by canon - sirius’ statement in order of the phoenix that pureblood parents who wish their children to marry other purebloods take an interest in choosing from the pool of eligible candidates tells us that - and wizards regardless of blood-status seem to marry far earlier than muggles [james and lily marry at nineteen, for example, and we can identify multiple other women in the series who seem to be married when they are between the ages of 18 and 21].

[an important aside, of course, is that arranged marriages and forced marriages are not the same thing. arranged marriage is practised all over the world, and many arranged marriages are complete and loving successes. lucius and narcissa were very probably an arranged marriage; they also obviously adore each other. bellatrix’s issue is not that she objects to this particular way of bringing about a marriage, but that she doesn’t want to be married full stop.]

because there’s nothing wrong with rodolphus - they get along well enough, and he isn’t cruel or abusive - they just don’t click as husband-and-wife. and this only serves to increase her feeling of being trapped in a gendered cage which she wants to escape.

and we all know who helps her with that…

several commenters have noted that the characterisation of bellatrix in this piece as quite naive - and also as acting young for her age and being rather girly - is quite an unusual one. partially, i like this portrayal of her because the harry potter series has such a tendency to assign femininity to wives and mothers [such as narcissa], and to suggest that women who aren’t those things are in some way unfeminine, but i also think that reading her like this - and the hints of it are there in her behaviour in canon; the desperate way she talks to voldemort in the dark lord ascending, blushing when he looks at her, is one of them - provides an interesting insight into her radicalisation.

because all the implication of canon is that bellatrix becomes a death eater when she’s very young [meaning that the same naivety about what that means that we see with regulus and draco can also be meaningfully attributed to her], which means that - whether or not you believe her relationship with voldemort is sexual [I do] - she is being groomed when she’s barely out of school by a man who is in his late forties. indeed, in nor all that glisters gold, i stick to my long-standing headcanon that their sexual relationship starts when she’s only seventeen, and that voldemort is the first person she ever sleeps with.

and, in this, we can see the complexity of bellatrix’s radicalisation - because voldemort clearly has an enormous amount of power over her [as sirius notes, he dictates how she dresses and she begins to parrot his beliefs; she gets engaged and married, essentially, at his command - probably because he wants something from her father-in-law], but she also wholeheartedly believes in his causes. she is a blood-supremacist, and would be with or without him. she is capable of great and ruthless violence before she meets him - indeed, this is the reason voldemort bothers to groom her in the first place.

and voldemort also offers her a chance to escape the gendered confines in which she lives. with his objection to early marriage ages and loveless unions, he’s a bit of a girlboss in this, which might seem out of character; but i do think it’s justifiable on the basis of his canon portrayal that he’s someone who has no real interest in the maintenance of traditional social structures [what he does like, here and in other women and of purer blood is the idea that he has the right to dictate the social order, and to be heavily involved in his followers’ lives]. after all, he himself exists outside of the class structures which define the wizarding world, and he clearly rejects the expectation that this should be something he aspires to [he refuses slughorn’s job offers entirely because he wants a job he got himself, for example]. he’s also someone whose physical description - especially the way he speaks and moves - implies a certain degree of effeminacy, and i am incredibly convinced by the idea that he can be read as trans or genderqueer.

which is to say that i have always had the headcanon that bellatrix falls so heavily for him because he is one of the few men she knows who is willing to support her desire to live a life of her own making, outside the social expectations placed upon her.

and this, i think, is one of the things that the sirius of this piece is not entirely able to understand - after all, he frees himself from the world which constrains him.

sirius’ jealousy of voldemort is something which has stood out to multiple commenters, and i think this is partially triggered by the fact that he himself retains more gendered influences than he may believe. i’m always struck in canon, for example, about the way he talks about the duty barty crouch sr. should have had towards his family - and while i don’t think that this would make him the character i’ve criticised above, who thinks his family is more important than his choice, this expectation drives his anger in nor all that glisters gold at how bellatrix and narcissa don’t stick by andromeda.

[on whom: i often find that andromeda is written as being quite stuck-up, as though all of tonks’ vibrant canon personality comes from ted. that she is exactly like her daughter in this piece was important to me.]

because this piece is, of course, also about the black family more generally. in particular, it builds on a theme in lamentation [author’s notes here], another piece i’ve written for this fest, that walburga suffers from postnatal depression. the fairies and changeling imagery appears across both of these pieces - as the images of elder trees, also associated with fairies and widely considered to be unlucky, do across this and the three sisters. regulus is a minor character, but he does appear as an example of something which i think must have contributed to the canonical tension readable between sirius and dumbledore - that sirius knows who voldemort is probably recruiting, and how, but sees that dumbledore appears to be doing nothing to stop it.

[finally, i can never give up the headcanon that sirius has an aspen wand. they are protective trees, often planted near houses for safe-keeping, and the connection between this and the role of secret keeper…? stunning.]