#but after i finally got accustomed it was great fun

[c-schroed]

Spouse and I were watching Wonder Woman 1984 this weekend and somehow I had this feeling that...

(Wonder Woman 1984, 2020)

... is very much like...

(Sailor Moon, 1992-1997)

But then I found out that...

(Wonder Woman, 1974-1979)

So here I stand corrected.

[junkissed]

love thy neighbor

member — fwb! neighbor!joshua x f reader genre — smut, light angst, college au, idiots to lovers, happy ending word count — 5.1k synopsis — there's perks to having your fwb live next door to you, but there's also downsides. like the fact that it's really hard to hide that you're in love with him. warnings — descriptions of female anatomy, one mention of periods, masturbation (both reader & joshua), the smut is REALLY quick, premature ejaculation sort of, a little bit of body worship, nicknames (baby, good girl), not really described but implied creampie, they are idiots and they are in love and it's gross and sweet notes — tysm to @wongyuseokie & @onlymingyus for help choosing the banner <3 and thanks to @petrichor-han for this idea !! fun fact this was originally going to be for skz han but i figured it would also make a great shua fic so i chose him instead. fun fact #2 i am addicted to giving shua's fics religious titles even when there's no mention of religion in the fic at all lmao. it gives me a giggle like how could i not when it fits so well?? also this is one of my few attempts at angst so if you liked this please reblog or send and ask and lmk how you liked it! hope you enjoy!!

joshua should be asleep right now. 

really, he should. it’s 11pm on a sunday night and he’s got his chemistry lab at 8am tomorrow, and he’s still got a couple of assignments that he really needs to catch up on before the final next week. 

but then there's that bump against the wall that he’s grown so accustomed to, and his eyes fly open.

maybe becoming fuck buddies with your next-door neighbor isn't the smartest idea he's ever had, because this is the fourth time this week he's had to hear your moans as he tries to fall asleep.

the walls are thin, but he's certain that you must not realize just how thin they are, because he can hear every sound you make as clear as day. every whimper, every buzz of your vibrator, even every moan of his name, barely muffled by the wall separating his room from yours. especially every moan of his name. and it’s been driving him insane.

really, it’s his own fault for trying to be a polite neighbor. he almost wishes that he hadn’t run into you when you’d moved into the apartment next door at the beginning of the semester, because then he probably wouldn’t have recognized you at that party during homecoming weekend and got to talking with you. 

and because of that he probably wouldn’t have taken you home from said party and given you the best dicking down of your life (your words, not his), and then after that you probably wouldn’t have decided that you wanted to keep fucking him and agreed to become friends with benefits.

except he doesn’t actually wish that at all.

having your situationship live right next door is pretty convenient, after all. you’ll shoot him an “omw” text and be waiting at his front door seconds later. he forgot to bring condoms? it’ll just take a sec to run home and grab some. when you accidentally leave your panties in his apartment, he can drop them off the same day and then forget about it (he definitely won’t). 

he could probably even just bang on his side of the wall and you’d know to come over, but to him that’s a little too far, too impolite. he at least has the decency to send a text first.

a part of him wonders if that’s why you’re so noisy at night, if you’re doing it on purpose and knowing he’ll hear it, secretly hoping for him to come knocking at your door. but he doesn’t want to assume, doesn’t want to show up without asking and realize he’s been completely wrong this whole time and make himself look like a fool.

so he settles for earplugs instead. because there’s no way he can sit there and listen to the sounds you make and not start thinking about all the times he’s been in your bed with you just inches away. and by the time he’s cum all over his fist and he’s finally worn himself out enough to fall asleep, it’s 4am and he has class in the morning and he’s wasted an entire night yet again.

he’s been inside your apartment dozens of times, enough to know the layout by heart. enough to know that your bedroom sits directly next to his, enough to know that your bed is pushed against that very thin wall the same way his is and that your nightstand with the drawer full of toys is right next to the bed.

oh, he’s gotten to know more than just your apartment over the course of the semester. he knows which positions are your favorite (you’ve never told him outright, but you always cum harder when he fucks you in missionary). he knows the names you like to be called and the ones you like to call him. he can even tell which vibrator you’re using right now (the red one doesn’t buzz as loud, so you only use it when your favorite purple one is dead. tonight you’re using the purple one.)

but he’s also gotten to know the way you smile when you see a cat video, the way your forehead wrinkles when you talk about your calculus professor, and the way you like your pancakes in the morning (though he’s never been able to make them for you himself, he swears one day he will. one slice of butter, a ton of syrup, and a handful of cut up strawberries.)

so maybe that’s what makes these nights so unbearable. he can keep lying to himself that it doesn’t bother him, that it wouldn’t bother him as much as it does if he just… didn’t like you. 

but, unfortunately, he does like you. and he’s stuck with this problem until he finds a way to fix it, but just like in the lab analyses he has to write every week, he’s got no ideas. so he’ll have to settle for fucking his hand and biting his pillow so you don’t get suspicious of the noises he’s making, and hope that his silly little crush goes away on its own. 

after all, he isn’t anything to you. albeit a sexual one, he’s still just a friend. and he’s certain that’s all you want.

god, you wish that joshua could see you right now. you’re certain he’d love it.

earlier tonight you’d had to physically force yourself to turn your phone off so that you wouldn’t be tempted to text him to come over. you’d already texted him on monday night and thursday afternoon, and you’d knocked on his door on saturday at practically the crack of dawn because you’d woken up thinking about him.

were you embarrassed about it? absolutely, but that wasn’t enough to stop you. okay, maybe sometimes it was, because the girl who lived across the hall had caught you (on multiple occasions) sneaking out of joshua’s apartment twice in one day and you refused to meet him again for nearly a week after that.

but joshua didn’t seem one bit embarrassed by your arrangement. he always gave you a friendly smile and offered to walk you to your door afterwards, which you always declined, and he always made sure to say he looked forward to seeing you again. you even saw him wave at the nosy neighbor girl when he’d left your apartment once (which you only remembered because you’d spent the rest of the night in tears about it, but not that you were jealous about it or anything).

you felt bad enough meeting up with him so often, but you felt even worse that you didn’t even have a label to show for it. you knew it was probably exactly what he’d wanted out of this, just somebody to call for a quick fuck, but it made you mad. it was why you got so angry about the girl across the hall; because you knew everybody loved joshua, so of course he couldn’t love only you. 

he was hot and he was in a frat and he probably had a hundred girls he could call if he wanted to. with how often you text him to fuck, plus the other people he’s probably seeing? he’s gotta be exhausted.

which is why most nights you opt for touching yourself instead. in the months since you first met joshua, your vibrators have been going through batteries a lot faster than usual, a fact you’re not exactly proud of but will own up to nonetheless.

it’s not your fault that the image of him leaning over you, his thin gold chain dangling in your face as he fucks you is burned into your head practically 24 hours of the day. or the fact that his voice plays on repeat in your brain, specifically that one time he called you “baby” and you came so hard you nearly passed out. 

so really, it’s actually his fault that he’s constantly on your mind. his fault for being sexy… or your fault for falling for him?

either way, you find yourself yet again with your pussy stuffed full of your own fingers and your favorite purple vibrator on your clit (you remembered to charge it last night, after you came to the thought of joshua fucking you on your kitchen counter), wishing he could be there to see it.

you close your eyes and picture him in front of you, holding the vibrator against your clit as he grins down at you. such a good girl, he’d say, brushing his thumb over your nipple with his free hand. you love this, don’t you?

“fuck, yes, joshua,” you reply, gasping as you push your fingers deeper inside. you arch off the bed a little, pushing your head back against your pillow. you’ve learned that he loves it when you call him by his full name instead of “shua” or “josh”; you don’t know why, but it always seems to drive him crazy, and you never fail to leave his apartment sore in all the best places afterwards.

you spread your legs a little wider and moan, rolling your cheek to the side as you imagine him fucking you with his fingers instead of your own. i can tell you’re getting close, imaginary joshua says with a smirk, his hand cupped against your pussy as he thrusts his fingers in and out at a bruising pace.

“mhm,” you whimper, curling your fingers and trying to convince yourself that it feels as good as when he does it. “please, joshua—”

you turn your vibrator up to the highest setting, your hips canting into the air as you squeeze your eyes tighter shut. you can feel the waves beginning to wash over you and you repeat his name like a plea, chanting it over and over until you can’t form words anymore.

cum for me, baby, all over my fingers, he says, and your mouth falls open as you let go, your knee accidentally smacking against the wall as your legs shake with pleasure. you keep your vibrator held firmly against your clit until it sends you over the edge again, still riding the high of your first orgasm as you struggle to breathe through it. joshua loves to overstimulate you, until all you can do is weakly push at his hands and beg him to leave your exhausted cunt alone.

the post-orgasm clarity soon starts to hit and you’re left with the realization that you just got off from pretending your neighbor is just as in love with you as you are with him. absolutely pathetic. 

but your eyes are starting to droop and you’re quickly finding that you’re too tired to stay awake to think about how much of a loser you are, so you tuck your favorite vibrator back into its spot in your drawer and put your pajamas back on and tuck yourself into bed, trying not to wish joshua was there beside you instead of infinitely far away on the other side of the wall.

when joshua wakes up the next morning, he half expects you to be waiting outside his door again.

of course anyone would be annoyed at being woken up by their neighbor before 7am, but then you’d sheepishly told him that you’d had the most insane wet dream about him and he’d been more than happy to let you come in and bounce yourself on his lap while he watched the early morning sunlight stream through his bedroom window onto your cheeks. 

pretty much the perfect morning, in his eyes, except for the fact that you hadn’t slept in his bed with him. you never sleep over and it’s obvious why, but maybe it’s for good reason: he won’t get so attached to you.

unfortunately, though, this morning you aren’t waiting for him, so he trudges to his kitchen to make himself one lonely cup of coffee and one lonely stack of frozen waffles and get ready for his day.

he’s started noticing patterns about when and why you text him, and he finds himself checking his phone all day. 

on mondays, because you have all your classes on those days and you’re already exhausted so why not get fucked within an inch of your life before you settle in for the night?

on thursdays, usually in the afternoons because both your schedules happen to line up where he’s just finished his work shift and you’re on your break between classes so it leaves the perfect amount of time for him to eat you out.

if you have a particularly hectic morning you’ll text him right away and ask him if he’d come over once you get home that night, and he’ll reply that he can’t wait with a big red heart emoji.

in fact, most of the times you want to see him is when you’re stressed or upset, which makes sense to him but at the same time makes him a little disappointed. he hopes that you’d want to see him on your happiest days, because any day he gets to see you is automatically his happiest day. but he supposes that’s where you’ve drawn the line, and he’ll have to be okay with that.

joshua’s restless through his chem lab this morning, and then his english lecture, and then his shift at work, not-so patiently awaiting you to ask him about his plans tonight.

but you don’t text him at all on monday, and you don’t text him on tuesday, either. he catches you going into your apartment at the same time he’s leaving on wednesday, and he waves as usual but you just give him a small nod and hurriedly close your door behind you. he’s almost positive you’ll text him on thursday, but your lunch hour comes and goes without a word.

he almost never texts you first, because you text him so often and most of the time he’s already thinking about you anyway. so when sunday rolls around again and he still hasn’t heard anything from you, he thinks maybe you’re waiting for him to say something first this time.

he knows you’ve been home, because he’s heard your friends coming and going. maybe you’ve just been busy with other things and didn’t mean to ghost him. sure, you get together pretty often, but that doesn’t mean it’ll happen every single week. plans change and that’s fine, and it is right before finals week after all. 

but even when you’re on your period and aren’t in the mood to see him, you usually send a text as a heads up, and he’s definitely not keeping track or anything but this week shouldn’t be one of them. he’s going through every possibility he can think of as to why you’ve seemingly disappeared, but he just can’t find a reason why.

but then he realizes something else; he’s stopped hearing you at night, too. and then he really starts to worry, because he remembers how upset you looked when he saw you in the hall and maybe something really awful happened to you and he’s been pouting in his room like a selfish idiot this whole time.

so he pulls up your contact, cursor blinking over the text box as he tries to figure out what to say.

hey, he decides on, and he’s surprised but happy when you read the message right away. 

he waits a moment, but you don’t respond, so he texts again. you can talk to me, you know? about other stuff. i’m your friend.

he shakes his head and deletes that last sentence before pressing send. you read it immediately again, but it’s a long and agonizing few minutes before you reply.

okay

he frowns, not knowing what to say back. did i do something and make you mad? you seem upset and i’m sorry.

it’s nothing. don’t worry

joshua wants to say, but i do worry, but he knows that might be too far and he’s still not even sure what’s wrong. 

so instead he stands up and walks out his front door, leaving his phone on his bed. he may be an idiot, but the least he can do is try to act like your friend.

you don’t answer when he knocks, so he calls your name. “i know you’re home, i can hear you through the wall.”

finally the lock clicks, and you open your door just a crack. “what do you mean, you can hear through the wall?”

he pauses. “i can hear you… walking around, and stuff. making noise. the walls are thin.” so you really didn’t know? oh god, now he feels like an asshole for listening, even if he was trying not to.

“oh. well.” you sigh and close your eyes, inhaling. “that’s embarrassing.”

“can we talk?” joshua asks, suddenly feeling exposed. he’s plenty comfortable in large groups of people, but when he’s around you he wants to hold you tight and keep you secret and safe, out of sight of any wandering eyes. standing out in the hallway where anyone could hear is not how he’d like this to go.

“sure,” you mumble, swinging your door open for him to come inside.

you close the door but don’t move from behind it, standing like you’re waiting for him to say something. so he does.

“listen. i know whatever this is, is messy,” he starts, gesturing between the two of you. “but you’re my friend, and i care about you and i want you to be happy.” he sighs. “so please tell me what’s wrong, because not texting you has been really weird, and if you want to end this then that’s fine and i’ll leave you alone, but don’t just ghost me. we’re still neighbors and i’m not a fan of awkward hallway conversations.”

you crack a smile for a second, but it quickly fades. “do you want to end this?”

“no, not really. but i don’t want you to feel like you have to keep doing this if you don’t like it.”

“i thought it was pretty obvious i did like it,” you say with an almost laugh. 

he stares at you quietly. “then what’s going on?”

“i want to keep doing this, but i just… i don’t think i can,” you say, avoiding his eyes. “at least not like this.”

“what do you mean, ‘like this’?”

“joshua, because i like you. and i feel awful because i know we’re not on the same page and it feels like i’m taking advantage of you because you probably have a dozen other women telling you the exact same thing and it’s probably exhausting and it’s not what you want!”

his face contorts in shock at your words. “well, first, that’s not at all true. and second of all, stop trying to guess what i want without just talking to me. what is it that you want?”

“you! i don’t know. i don’t know what i want anymore,” you say, covering your face with your hands. 

joshua’s not sure if he should hug you or not, but he really, really wants to. “is that all that’s been bothering you this week?” he asks softly.

“yeah,” you say, moving your hands but still avoiding his eyes. “it’s stupid. i know, and i’m sorry.”

he laughs, and you look up at him like he’s crazy. “you don’t have anything to be sorry for,” he says. “i’m sorry. because for months i’ve been wishing we could change this but i never said anything because this is what i thought you wanted.”

you keep staring at him, but he can’t read the emotion on your face. “so… what is this, then?”

“i’ll be whatever you want me to be for you. your fuck buddy, or your friend, or your boyfriend, whatever.”

“you really don’t see other people?” you ask, still unsure.

now it’s joshua’s turn to look at you like you’re crazy. “no, why would i want to? i don’t care if you do, but with how often you text me it sounds like you don’t, either.”

“i just figured— nevermind,” you sigh.

“can i give you a hug?” he asks after a minute. “we’ve been sleeping together the whole semester, and i don’t think i’ve ever given you a real, proper hug.”

you smile, and seeing that instantly makes his day. “yes, please.”

his arms feel secure around you, and his chest is warm against your cheek. with a sigh you close your eyes, breathing in the smell of his cologne that you’ve been trying to push out of your brain for weeks.

you stand there for a while, neither of you making any moves to pull away. it's been a really, really long week without joshua and you didn’t realize how badly you missed him until this moment.

“so about the walls thing—”

“hm?” he mumbles.

“—you can really hear everything?”

he laughs. “oh, yeah. your bedroom is right next to mine. been having trouble sleeping for so long because i kept hearing you moan my name and it got me hard every time.”

your cheeks burn in embarrassment. “joshua, i’m so sorry! if i had known—”

he shakes his head, cutting you off. “you can make it up to me by telling me everything you were thinking about.”

“probably nothing you don't already know,” you grin shyly.

“probably, but i wanna hear you say it anyway.”

you lean away from him a little bit, releasing your arms from around him to rest against his chest. “i should've known this is why you wanted to come over,” you say, pretending to be mad, but you can already feel the tingling feeling building up in your stomach at the thought.

“it's not,” he replies smoothly, “but i did miss waking up to you knocking on my door.”

you pout. “that was only that one time!”

“doesn't mean it has to be the last.”

heat creeps up into your cheeks and you glance away from him, gaze trained on his shoulder. 

“you really wanna know what i was thinking about?” you ask, finally building up the courage to look back up at his face.

“of course i do.” his eyes are sparkling as he watches you, and you can't exactly identify the emotion but you know it makes your heart flutter.

“well,” you start, “it was different every time, but most of the time it started like this.” you trail your hands down his torso, pausing when they reach his hips. he stays silent, eyes fixed on your movements and a little smile on his face that you don't think he even realizes he's doing.

“and then…” you look down, a little surprised to notice the bulge in his pants already there. you place your hand over him gently and look up, waiting for him to say something, but he doesn't stop you.

you clear your throat and start again. “and then, you'd sit on the couch and let me gag on your cock for a while.”

you start to push on his hips, backing him into your living room. he’s enjoying this way more than he should be, but then again, you basically just confessed your love to him so it’s kind of the best day of his life.

the back of his thighs hits the arm rest of your couch, but before you can move him any further his hands pull you flush against his body, his bulge pressing into your stomach. 

“how about we skip that part for another day?” he says, his voice low. “tell me what happens after.”

you try your best to hold back a moan, suddenly losing your ability to speak. you can practically feel his cock throbbing through his clothes and it makes it impossible to come up with a coherent sentence.

“don’t get shy on me now, baby,” he hums, hands still firmly gripping your hips, and if your brain hadn’t short-circuited already then it definitely has now. “been hearing you in your room for weeks, i know how loud you like to be.”

“that’s not fair,” you finally manage, still trying to collect your thoughts.

joshua leans forward to kiss your neck, gently at first but quickly growing harsher, and you’re sure he can feel your pulse jump every time his teeth graze your skin. 

“fuck, just like that,” you whimper, “exactly like that, shua—”

after a minute he hums and glances up at you through his lashes, clearly waiting for you to keep talking.

“we’d make out for a while, and then you—you’d fuck me on the floor,” you gasp out. joshua moans against your skin, and it’s only then that you realize your hands have found their way to his hair, tugging on it to urge him on.

your fingers loosen and he pulls away, the corners of his lips wet with saliva. “on the floor? you deserve better than that, baby,” he tsks. “can i take you to bed instead?”

“please,” you whine softly, suddenly feeling unbearably eager to fuck him. all week you’ve been using every last ounce of your energy to avoid thinking about joshua, but now that he’s here in front of you and way too willing to play into your fantasies, all the emotions you’ve been holding in are spilling out, and you don’t feel like containing them anymore.

you grab his hand and it’s like you can’t make it to your room fast enough, falling onto your bed and pulling him down on top of you. by then you’ve both forgotten the conversation you were having before because you’re too busy desperately pressing your lips against his, barely remembering to breathe as he kisses you and kisses you and kisses you and what were you even talking about again?

your brain is clouded when he finally pulls away with a gasp, kissing your cheek and your neck once more. his hands slip beneath your shirt and tug it over your head, making his way between your breasts and down your stomach and leaving more kisses as he goes. your skin burns with each touch, gentle lips and not-so-gentle hands covering every inch of you until you feel like your whole body is on fire.

he sits up just long enough to pull his own shirt off and now it’s your turn to touch, your hands instantly finding his chest as you trace your fingertips down his abs.

“how do you want me?” joshua groans, his hands joining yours at his hips to help him push his pants to the ground.

“fuck… missionary? just like this?” you say as you kick your pants and panties off in a rush, wrapping your legs around his waist.

his cock brushes against your stomach and you sigh out a moan, your hands moving up to grab at his biceps. he doesn’t say another word as he runs his tip through your folds, his attention fixated on your pussy and how you’re already dripping for him. for a second he forgets where he is and what he’s doing, so engrossed with the sight of you and how fucking glad he is that he didn’t lose you because you’re both idiots that assume too much about what the other wants instead of communicating your feelings like normal adults.

you let out a little noise and his eyes flick back up to your face, his gaze immediately softening at the blissful expression on your face. to think, he could’ve been seeing you like this the whole time if he had the balls to admit how he felt sooner. but there’s plenty of time for him to pout about it later because right now you need him, and he needs you, too, so why waste time thinking about that when he can think about how good you look taking his cock?

he leans down because he can’t resist kissing your beautiful face one more time, and finally he pushes into you, letting out a loud whine at the same time you moan his name. the sound of your voices joined together goes straight to his dick as he pulls almost all the way out, thrusting back into you with renewed energy.

“baby— fuck,” he groans, his grip on your body tightening as his thrusts begin to grow faster and rougher. “so good to me.”

you clench hard around him at the nickname, clinging onto him as you squeeze your eyes shut.

and then without warning everything hits you all at once, and you go boneless in his arms as he whimpers and groans and gasps and holds you tight and he probably told you he loves you about a million times as he was cumming too but you can’t hear anything as you lay exhausted on the bed, staring up at the ceiling with your ears ringing.

even with his shaking hands you can still feel the gentleness in joshua’s touch as you start to come back down, the warmth of his breath on your cheek as his fingers lightly brush your hair out of your face, feeling him twitch inside you before he slowly pulls out. 

with his own orgasm following just barely after yours that was probably some kind of record for the fastest round ever, but you don’t even have the strength to care. so what if he usually fucks you for hours on end? all you care about is the fact that he’s tracing your collarbones with a fucked-out little smile on his face and it’s probably the cutest thing you’ve ever seen in your entire life.

with a soft grunt he stands up, and you call out his name with all the energy you have left.

“joshua?”

“mhm?”

“can you stay?” you ask, and somehow you both know you’re talking about more than just for the next few minutes.

he smiles. “wouldn’t wanna be anywhere else.” and when he comes back with a towel and a wet wipe and apologizes for how fast it all was and promises to give you more whenever you want because he’s officially yours now, you know he’s telling the truth.

even when he’s doing nothing at all, joshua never fails to make your head spin. 

laying in the dark with you, his fingers absentmindedly twirling your hair as you snuggle into his chest, you can’t even begin to find the words to explain how good it feels knowing he loves you and you love him back. 

but it doesn’t seem like he needs words right now. all he needs is you.

i hope you enjoyed this!! if you did, consider reblogging or leaving a comment or an ask :) it shows me this is something people want to see more of, and knowing people like this makes me want to write more of it! thanks for reading!!

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[reidrum]

carry the weight of you | s.r

A/N: i had this posted on an old blog but here's this, idk if i like it but it's also one of my first fics so if lemme know if you have thoughts <3

cw: fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, reader is sad, depression ?, spencer is a cutie who just wants to love, can be read as gn!reader

wc: 1.8k

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it was supposed to be a routine case. well, not a routine case. those don’t really exist in the bau, but one that had a clear MO and decent enough leads that garcia could easily use to find the unsub. it wasn’t even a case that was especially creepy in nature, lord knows those give the whole bureau nightmares for days.

so why did you feel this way?

you were relatively new to the team—having one year under your belt to your near decades experienced colleagues. but you had rightfully earned your spot in the bau, and you deserved to be there.

but right now you had no energy to believe that. the ache in your chest was ever present from your younger days, courtesy of the circumstances from your upbringing, and you should’ve expected that joining the fbi would’ve only made it heavier. you bared it nonetheless because that’s what you were taught to do. you felt beaten down by the last few days, and just couldn’t wait to get back home and crawl into your bed.

the team had wrapped up the case, and you all were on the jet flying back home to the district. sat next to the ever observant dr. reid, he noticed your glazed eyes and distant aura exuding from you.

“you okay?” he bumps your shoulder bringing you out of your trance.

“i’m fine, don’t worry about me.” you replied curtly and tried to fold into the crevice between the seat and the walls of the plane.

“bold of you to lie to a profiler while on a plane full of profiles,” he chuckled lightly, “seriously, you look troubled. are you sure you don’t wanna play honesty hour right now?”

“spence, i’m okay, I promise.” you tried your best at a genuine smile that was as see through as a windexed window. he returned it with his own thin lipped smile and left you be. 

were you okay? you don’t even know how long you’ve felt like this. small, insignificant, nothing. you do great work at your job, tarnishing evil and saving lives. but you can’t help but find it ironic that it’s your own mind working against you that seems to be your demise. 

the jet landed around midnight and the team shuffled through the bullpen to gather their belongings before going home. everyone offered their goodbyes and goodnights and spencer was waiting for you by the door. you both lived in the same apartment building, only because when you first moved to quantico you had no one and knew no one. spencer took it upon himself to help you out, being the newest young rookie on the team, a position he was all too familiar with. his next door neighbor had moved out for an immediate job offer and was looking for a subletter and lo and behold, spencer had become your best friend.

in the few months that you were getting accustomed to the area spencer invited you over for nightly chess games and doctor who marathons. morgan always teased the two of you saying you should be going out on the town having fun only young people can have, and spencer would blush and stammer something out but you would have the brightest smile and look at him saying they were the most fun you’ve had.

so he was surprised to say the least when those nights started to become far and few. you would politely decline and spencer would assume you’d finally listened to morgan and got better plans. but he could hear the patter of your footsteps and the occasional expletive from when you’d hit a table corner and wondered what he did to make you recluse yourself again.

spencer was a profiler after all, mix that with being your closest friend and he could pinpoint the moments you started to change. you’d started making less jokes, even during moments where the team would pause and wait for a little quip from you but hear nothing. you were harder to gain attention from, usually needing three or four calls to get you to even look up. and he just saw you distancing yourself, almost like you didn’t want anyone to perceive you.

spencer loved you. he wouldn’t say it out loud or admit to anyone but point blank he loved you. he felt understood in a way that no one else made him feel. you were kind, smart, funny, and the empathy you held for others was enough to make him tear up. you were there for him when maeve died, letting him cry on your shoulder, and as fucked up as it sounds he realized he loved you in those moments leaking tears onto the stomach of your sweater.

so here stood spencer in front of your desk, “you heading home?” you nodded, “mind if i ride with you? i don’t feel like taking the metro this late.”

“okay, let’s go.”

the walk to your car was silent, and somehow the ride back to your apartment complex was even more silent. walking up the stairs to your apartment doors, you turn the key and step in when spencer goes, “hey actually i think i left my book at your place do you mind if i just look for it really quick?”

you stared at him blankly. you just wanted to be alone and he wants to get his book now? unbeknownst to you spencer was desperate to get to the bottom of your melancholia, and needed any in he could find right now to get there.

nonetheless you nodded your head and left the door open behind you so he could walk in. you dropped your bags and shoes at the front door and trudged through your apartment to your kitchen to put tea on the kettle. you softly called out to him, “do you want a cup of tea?”

“i’d love a cup.” he says sitting on your couch.

you’re fussing around the kitchen getting two mugs out— one doctor who and one snoopy mug. you fill the doctor who one up and add a lemon slice and turn around grabbing your snoopy mug. when you turn back towards the kettle you hit the corner of the island table and watch as your favorite mug drops and shatters into millions of pieces.

when they say a straw is what breaks the camel’s back you fully understand what they mean now because how are you about to lose all your shit over a snoopy mug. you don’t even make an effort to move, just staring at the broken pieces on the floor, trying to make sense of them like a kid pointing out cloud shapes. it’s like you can see the pieces molding into the demons that keep you up at night, the thoughts of uselessness and lethargy personifying in front of you.

spencer has to call your name three times before you finally move your eyes to meet his. you can see his lips moving but you can’t hear him, his hands are out as if he’s telling you to stay put oh wait he is. you wait as he finds your dustpan and broom and brushes up the remains into the trashcan. he slowly approaches you and maneuvers you towards the living room where you sit still glossy eyed and trembling.

he sits down next to you and places a hand on your bouncing knee to soothe it, “why won’t you talk to me?”

you shake your head, “it’s nothing spence, it’s not a big deal i can buy a new mug.” push it down.

“not that, something’s not right. and i want to help. will you let me help you?”

you feel the tears making their way up your face to make their grand exit, and you hold on to last bit of resolve you can as you shakily breathe, “i-, i can’t, it’s stupid and we see so much worse stuff so i have to keep it together and i am but today was just-“ you abruptly got up to get water from the kitchen before finishing your sentence. grabbing a glass from the cupboard, filling it up at the sink, and gulping it down with shaky hands. you set the glass down and placed your hands on the cool counter in an attempt to tether yourself to some string of reality that was left. you couldn’t burden him. you wouldn’t.

spencer gives you a minute alone before rising from the couch and walking into the kitchen. he approaches you slowly from behind, mirroring his hands on top of yours, entrapping you in his warm embrace. “i think you’re carrying so much,” he whispers gently in your ear, “you don’t have to do it by yourself. it’s okay to not be okay.”

the tears win and start streaming down your face silently. spencer continues, “what we do, it’s hard. we all have ways of not letting it get to us. rossi and his cigars, hotch and jack, garcia and her tchotchkes, i mean even emily with her sin city weekends.” you let out a wet laugh in response.

spencer doubles down and intertwines his fingers with yours, “my point is, you are not alone. i am here. let me carry some of it for you, please.”

letting out a soft sob you twist in his arms and burrow yourself into his sweatered chest. this was a new feeling for you, letting someone in to see the horrors that you worked so hard to suppress. why would anyone want to brave that journey? surely you weren’t worth the effort.

but as spencer tightened his arms around you, rubbing his hands soothingly down your back and placing a kiss at the crown of your head, you felt that even if the walls of your resolve came crumbling down that spencer would be there to catch as much as he could. and that was enough.

“thank you,” you mumbled tearily incoherent.

“i will always be here for you, no need to thank me sweetheart.”

his kindness overwhelmed you. how could someone who sees so much darkness and been through so much still hold the level of kindness he does?

you lifted your head slightly as his hand came up to cradle the back of your head, “so, what do you have?”

he hummed quizzically in response. you continued, “you said everyone has ways of getting through it, what’s yours?”

“it’s you,” spencer softly says with the most tender loving look in his eyes, smoothing your hair back as he looks down at you in his arms, “it’s always been you.”

your eyes welled up even more and squeezed him tighter if it were even possible. spencer had you. and now you had spencer.

the next day you show up to work, a snoopy mug with a gift bow sits on your desk. 

[httpiastri]

I'm begging for smut with Paul my man with "teach me" and "is this ok?" maybe it's the first time they get that far and they are both kinda inexperienced and super soft, I'd you can make Reader the one that "teaches" that would be amazing

love your works have a great day 💕💕💕💕💕

thank you for requesting sweets!! esp thanks for requesting paul <3<3 my brainrot is so real. i had so much fun writing this and i rlly got too into it lol. hope u have a great day too!

18+ content below, minors dni!!

the feeling of his lips on yours is familiar. the way he tilts his head as he presses himself harder against you, the way his teeth sink down into your bottom lip, the way he licks into your mouth; it's nothing new, it's yesterday's news, such a comforting feeling.

but it's still never been quite like this before. there's never before been this eagerness, this impatience, this amount of lust. your hips don't usually roll down against his this hard, and he doesn't usually let out these kinds of moans. there's something new in the air, a new type of greediness, and none of you complain.

your knees are settled on either side of his lap, your arms resting on his shoulders as his large hands squeeze the top of your hips, thumbs drawing absent-minded circles into the skin. you're both left in your underwear by now, after an awkward but giggly stripping session, and you're sure the cute floral panties you're wearing have a damp spot already. however, the way paul is poking up at you from under the thin layer of his calvin kleins makes you realize you're not the only one who's pent up. paul's hands make their way up your sides, dipping inside your flowery camisole top, the pads of his fingers swiping along your upper ribs. his touch makes you sigh into the kiss, arms wrapping around his neck to pull yourself further onto his crotch.

you've never gone this far before. sure, you'd seen each other in just your underwear a few times, while getting changed together or when you went swimming together. and you'd made out plenty of times, with his hands all over your body and you gasping for air as he left bitemarks down your neck and along your collarbones. but you'd never gone further than some grinding and kissing, so this was definitely a new feeling.

paul eventually parts from the kiss, leaning back slightly to take in the sight before him. your flushed cheeks, your perked nipples poking through your top, your red and swollen lips. your eyes open and they meet his gaze, a bit questioning as to why he's stopped. his gaze is scanning your face, analyzing your features and looking for even a tiniest hint of uncertainty.

"are you sure about this, sweetheart?" his voice almost cracks when he speaks, too flustered and excited to keep calm.

you're nervous. you aren't exactly the most experienced – far from it, actually – and just the thought of this situation brought you chills whenever the possibility flashed through your mind these last few weeks. thinking about it has been a kind of common occurrence recently, as you figured this was approaching, but your mind never really got accustomed to the idea.

you can tell paul is a bit nervous, too. he's more tense than usual, muscles stiff under your touch and fingers trembling slightly as he holds you. he doesn't have a lot of experience either, and there's something special about being here with the girl he likes so much, in a situation where you're both so exposed and so raw, with so much trust in each other. it makes him tingle in a way he's never felt before.

"yeah, i'm sure," you finally get out, fingers moving to play with the hair on the nape of his neck. "you?"

he gives you a quick nod. then, he leans in to press another kiss to your lips, more gentle than before. when he parts this time, his fingers move down your front, fingers grazing your stomach. "what makes you feel good?" his touch moves down to the lace of your panties, fingers dragging along the edge. "teach me, love."

you take a deep breath, gathering all of the courage you have in your body. just do it, you tell yourself.

and then you reach down to take one of his hands in yours, pushing it into your underwear. you fold his fingers to only leave the pointer and middle out, dragging them back and forth along your wet folds while your eyes flutter closed. you position his fingers on your clit, pressing them down and drawing circles onto your sensitive bud as a you moan lowly.

paul's jaw drops. you've never been this bold around him before, and now he's watching his always oh so innocent girlfriend basically fuck herself on his fingers. he wasn't sure if this day would come, but he is definitely happy about it.

the circles increase in speed and your head is spinning already. you guide one of his fingers to your core, slowly pushing it inside you as a shiver shoots down your spine. you take him all the way down to his knuckles, pulling him in and out of yourself a few times before adding another finger. he stretches you out, and it's painful but also so good, and you never want it to end. after a while, the buildup gets too strong and you lean your forehead onto his shoulder, your grip on his hand easing.

paul takes your helplessness as a sign. this time without your guidance, he continues pumping you with his fingers, adding a third one when he deems you ready for it. "is this okay?" he asks, thumb brushing your clit every once in a while.

"yeah- just-" your breath hitches in your throat as you try to speak and he grins at the sound, so satisfied and content with himself and the way you're reacting to his touch. your hand lets go of him completely, instead coming up to rest around his neck as a string of sweet whines spill past your lips. paul grows uncomfortably hard as he hears you, craving you even more.

and when he pushes you to the top, helping you reach your high, you're left a shaking mess in his embrace. you clench around his fingers and the noises you let out are like music to his ears, ones he could never get tired of. he's still pushing in and out of you to help you ride it out, your hot breath against his skin so sexy to him. paul loves the way you're curled into his chest, with his free arm slung around your body to keep you close as you twitch and shudder occasionally. it makes him feel proud and thankful that you let him do this to you, that you came undone like this to him.

a warm feeling spreads in his chest when you finally lean back, drowsy eyes finding his. you slowly blink up at him, taking in the sweet grin of this godlike man in front of you, and your heart flutters when he presses a kiss to your forehead. "you alright there?" he asks.

"so good." your hand curls in the hair at the back of his neck and you pull him down to you, tasting his lips again. "so good i think we should... you know..."

the chuckle that vibrates from his chest makes you shove his shoulder, but you are not nearly strong enough right now for him to even budge. "i do know." his hands land on your waist and he flips you both over, laying you down on the covers as he climbs on top of you. "are you really sure about this?"

his gaze is genuine and caring, and you get the feeling that he'd be totally alright with stopping here and now if you wanted to. but instead, you nod your head. "for the hundredth time, yes."

he presses his lips to you one final time, mumbling against your lips. "thank you. i love you."

"i love you, too."

[billyharris]

Inspired by @captain-flint's post.

“It’s a beautiful thing, isn’t it?” Having a crew like this behind you – even when things go wrong.” Tommy reflects, watching the 118’s relief over the text in the group chat. The group chat Tommy isn’t in. Understandably. He’s only been with Evan for five months. It was nice enough for Evan to invite him to come to the hospital and wait for Denny to get out of surgery with everyone.

“Especially when things go wrong.” Evan replies, letting his gaze linger like he really wants Tommy to take it in. It works, because Tommy feels his insides become just that much squishier and his grip on his coffee cup tightens enough to crush the styrofoam if he isn’t careful. “Oh my god, that’s it.”

“What?”

“I know how to break the curse.” Great. More curse talk. A part of Tommy was hoping with the more pressing matters of Denny being in the hospital, maybe Evan could go a few hours without mentioning Billy Boils. But as he looks at the clock on the wall, he sees it’s only been forty-five minutes since his last ‘not so fun’ fact about the outlaw.

Tommy shakes his head and takes a sip from his cup as Evan starts typing up a plan in his notes app. A plan that no doubt involves Tommy. Which he’s more than okay with. No matter what they’re doing, as long as Tommy is with his boyfriend, he’s satisfied. He’d be a little more satisfied if he could kiss Evan without risking getting an infection – but at least it hasn’t got in the way of other activities, like the blowjob he gave him this morning.

***

Thirty or so minutes later, Karen gathers everyone so they can sign Denny’s cast. Tommy is the only one who doesn’t stand up. Evan grabs his hand and pulls him. “C’mon babe, you too.” He shoots his boyfriend a look that reads ‘are you sure?’ and Evan doubles down, pulling him up with both hands now.

Tommy agrees, but when they get to the room, he stays back in the doorway. He’s not part of the 118 extended family. There wasn’t one when he was at the station, and he hasn’t been back in their lives long enough to warrant an invitation to join just yet. Maybe when he and Evan get more serious. Maybe when he finally asks him to move in will he feel part of the posse he’s always craved.

Everyone lines up and starts signing Denny’s cast – drawing or writing inside jokes and messages Tommy knows nothing about. He’s never even met Denny formally. Maybe back in the day, Karen brought him to the station when she occasionally picked Hen up. But he would have been a child then. Fuck, he’s old – he’s reminded looking at the kid who’s taller than his moms now.

Denny’s cast, withstanding the signatures, looks the same as the one Tommy had the summer he moved to LA. He broke it falling down the stairs during his worse and final fight with his father. He discharged himself from the hospital, hopped on a bus to California, and crashed on his cousin’s couch until he was healed. Once he was cleared, he was immediately deployed, needing to get as far away from his father as possible. Not like the bastard was looking for him.

No one signed his cast that summer. Not even his cousin. Which he’s thankful for. The only thing more pathetic than a blank cast is a cast with one measly, pity signature on it.

Tommy understood loneliness. It had been suffused into his bones for as long as he could remember. He learned feeling alone the majority of the time was just part of life. He had friends, made himself useful so he could occasionally be invited over to help out with a task and maybe get offered a beer or to hang around after. It was a temporary band-aid on the perpetually alone feeling he’s accustomed to.

It worked fine for him. For forty (plus) years, Tommy had to find a way to be content with being the loneliness he was stuck with. He nursed his injuries by himself, learned to cook meals for one, found enjoyment in being the only one in the theater at an afternoon movie.

Then Evan Buckley came into his life. His wonderful, bright eyed, golden retriever of a boyfriend who’s happiest when he’s surrounded by loved ones. Over the past five months, Evan has shown Tommy how incredible it is to have someone constantly by your side. To have a ‘Morning babe!!’ text with a dozen emojis waiting for him when he woke up and another wishing him a good night before bed. Evan will stop at nothing to remind Tommy he’s welcome in his life – all of it.

Eddie too. It took two hang outs before he was inviting Tommy over to show Christopher flight sim. He’s never had a boyfriend like Evan or a best friend like Eddie. He feels almost spoiled about it. His heart doesn’t know what to do with all this affection. For so long, being on his own was he all he’s known. And now he can’t remember the last time his calendar wasn’t stacked with outings and hang outs. He hasn’t had a lonely night in, feeling miserable and self-loathing since the night he saved Bobby and Athena. Since the 118 returned to his life.

Tommy’s brought back from his thoughts when Eddie shoves him. Evan is staring at him – wait – everyone is staring at him. Then he sees Denny holding out the sharpie towards him. “Aren’t you gonna sign too …” He looks over to Hen and she mouths his name. “… Tommy, right. I knew that.” Everyone laughs, Tommy included.

Maybe he does belong.

[bots-and-cons]

Can i request Optimus, Arcee, and Bumblebee react to their human friend (preferably female) somehow turning into a cybertronian and now they have to help her to get used to her new buddy?

A/N: I have a post about this with Knockout, and a bit more angsty one where the reader dies and gets revived as cybertronian, so if you’re interested, check those out too

~Bumblebee~

•Bee is honestly pretty excited when you turn into a cybertronian, but he is also incredibly confused, just like the rest of the team

•There is certainly an adjustment period to get used to your new body

•Nobody really knows why it happened, but you touched some iacon artifact by accident and poof, you turned into a cybertronian

•Since Bee is your guardian, he got the job of teaching you about being an autobot

•You’re very clumsy in the beginning and the whole transforming thing doesn’t really come naturally to you

•You still have to pick an altmode now and Bee tries his best to explain how the switching between your alt mode and bot mode feels, because he thinks if you can feel it you can do it

•His explanation is very much about the vibe of the whole thing, rather then how it would actually work

•Anyway, you’re having a lot of fun, even if you feel really clunky and being so big is very odd

•All the very normal sized things look so small now that you’re like three times your previous height

•You eventually turn back into a human when the relic’s effect wears off, but at least now they know what it does

•It’s really disorienting being a human again, just like it was disorientating when you first turned into a cybertronian

~Optimus Prime~

•When you turned into a cybertronian, it was obviously a big shock for everyone 

•It was decided Optimus would look after you and teach you how to transform and stuff like that

•It’s not usually really something that has to be taught to cybertronians, because they just know how to do it naturally, so this is definitely a new experience for him too

•You’re super clumsy at first, and definitely not feeling like yourself

•Your body feels weird, because it’s not really yours yet since you’re not accustomed to it

•Optimus teaches you about all kinds of things like how to switch to your blasters from your hands and how to activate your blades

•It’s certainly a learning process, and you learn it quicker with your dominant hand for some reason

•You pick up on the feeling you get when you’re doing things right, so it starts getting easier to use your weapons and stuff

•You’re obviously not allowed to fight, because you have no experience and who knows what could happen to your human body if you changed back when you’d gotten injured in your bot form

•Optimus might also be kind of overthinking things, because he doesn’t know how this whole thing works

~Arcee~

•Another normal day at the autobot base, a human turning into a cybertronian is an everyday thing

•Arcee is pretty tired of all the shenanigans that keep happening, but she does still start mentoring you in how to be a cybertronian

•She thinks it’s important you can keep yourself safe, even if the situation is temporary and you’re not really leaving the base, because something unexpected could happen

•First of course you have to pick an alt mode so that’s what you do

•Then Arcee teaches you to use your blasters, which causes a few misfires and a very annoyed Ratchet, because he almost got shot

•You actually end up being pretty good with the blasters, your aim is great and your reaction time is good too

•Arcee is worried about how this little accident with you turning into a cybertronian happened, so she tries to research the relic, but there seems to be no information about it

•It turns out not to be permanent though, so she can sigh in relief once you’re finally back to your human self

•You think it’s a bit of a bummer, but you’re also happy to be able to go home again

[esmedelacroix]

19 days til' Christmas

boyfriend!song mingi watches your nutcracker performance⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Mingi always had a very tight schedule. He couldn't make it to a lot of your recitals. But he knew how important the Nutcracker performance was to you because this year you were a rat you had gotten the role of the sugar plum fairy.

It was your first big role in a ballet like The Nutcracker. You felt like you were finally being recognized for your talents and you needed Mingi to be there supporting you and cheer you on.

Your nerves were never really an issue because you didn't get extravagant roles ever, and you were usually in the back. But now you would be in the spotlight. Mingi must've been accustomed to it but you were not.

"Mingi I'm so nervous! Please tell me you're here," you pleaded as you paced in your dressroom.

"I just entered the building, baby, walking backstage right now, take a deep breath please," he reassured as he hastily walked backstage.

You heard your door swing open and saw your sweet boy standing in the doorway looking through the mirror. "My love, you look enchanting," he started as he opened his arms for you to hug him.

You ran to him and let him wrap his arms around you sharing his warmth. "Give me a kiss, beautiful," Mingi demanded softly.

You got on the tips of your pointe shoes and gave him a smooch which quickly escalated to you peppering his face with kisses. He left your dressing room with stains of your lipstick on his lips and neck.

You placed the pink tulips he had gotten for you on your desk as you began to touch up your lips. You could feel most of your nerves floating away. You barely needed to put any blush on just thinking about Mingi.

The hairstylist came in shortly to finish up your style and by the time you knew it, you were being called backstage. The nerves started to rush back as you peeked out at the vast crowd. When you looked up you saw your Mingi sitting in the balcony seat looking down at the stage waiting to see you dance.

The show begins, the curtain lifts and everyone behind the stage is waiting for their cues, warming up, and making sure that they memorized their dances.

Act one finished, you didn't do much during that time frame other than warm up and help people change their costumes and fix their props and hair pieces.

Act two began and the only thing you could do for your nerves was peak up at Mingi and remind yourself of your greatness and the fact that you got this role because you were good.

Time flew right by and as soon as you knew it the Tarantula dance was coming to an end and you were up for the dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy.

The lights raised and you too center stage with a smile on your face despite your nerves. The audience clapped for you and you got into your pose waiting for the orchestra to begin laying the song.

You began as you heard the strums of bows and violins and the piano began to play the familiar tune. You started off smoothly, still a bit nervous but you were hitting each move perfectly.

After ailing your first set of spins you were beginning to have fun. You looked up at Mngi occasionally who was staring at you, mouth hanging with an awe-struck expression.

The moves were already carved into your brain and if you felt like you were forgetting your muscles most certainly were not. As soon as it started your number ended and you received a standing ovation from the audience. You didn't forget or stumble.

Even with all the cheers, it felt as though it was only you and Mingi in the room.

You took your bow before exiting the stage with the brightest smile. The rest of the performance went on without a hitch and you found yourself doing your final bows before running out to the main lobby to find Mingi.

All of your fellow performers were greeting their loved ones and you were looking for Mingi in the crowded halls. Finally, you caught sight of him and the two of you hugged like you hadn't seen each other in four years.

"You did an amazing job baby, absolutely amazing!" he exclaimed as he kissed you on the cheek while offering you even more flowers.

"Thank you for being here, Mingi, this is like everything to me," you said as you looked up into his eyes.

"Oh course my darling, you looked so beautiful, I don't think there is a word in existence to describe how perfect you were tonight.

The ride home was filled with laughter, cheer, and excitement for Christmas the next morning.

"I like watching that dance a lot more than seeing you in a rat suit last year," Mingi teased.

"Ha ha ha," you sarcastically chuckled as you landed a playful punch on his arm.

"I don't know why I was so nervous, you must be my lucky charm, you watching my performance is the only Christmas gift I really need," you sighed as you rested your head on his shoulder.

With that, one of the best Christmas Eves you had ever had ended with Mingi and ballet, two of your most treasured things in the world.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

taglist:

@aripet22

[air--so--sweet]

Made my first fan edit in over a decade (in my day they were called fanvids). Apparently you can't use copyrighted music longer than a minute on tiktok (it was easier to get round copyright in my day also) so this one is just for you tumblr. Also let's ignore the clips with logos in because I'm not getting clean versions to re-edit it, it's 8am and I haven't been to sleep (thanks ADHD hyperfocus stopping me from literally noticing the sun coming up!)

Edit: Had some sleep so now time to write a ridiculous number of words about a 3 minute edit! This was a lot of fun to make, I forgot how fun video editing is and capcut is a dream compared to windows movies maker and sony vegas (which was what all the cool kids were using for some reason in the mid 2000s but I never got the hang of it).

It also reminded me how fun some of the dance numbers are. Like I love Dancing in the Moonlight and Twistin' the Night Away. I know for the latter they originally had a choreographed routine but it was scrapped and and they were told improvise and have fun. It's something that definitely comes across in the final scene and it makes it feel more authentically like three siblings messing around.

Also in editing the video scenes I noticed stuff I wouldn't have otherwise. Emmy breaks multiple times because she's having so much fun (it's left in because it makes sense for her to laugh in the moment but Emmy's laugh is very different to Allison's).

The weird dance Diego does with the sword during Another One Bites the Dust, and the fact Lila has to fully step back at one point to not get hit in the face! I always thought Lila was just pulling Five in by the hand for a hug in the same scene but you can see them dancing together in the background throughout. I knew they danced together at the wedding but Five was blackout drunk at that point so it's fun to see him dancing with her at a time when he's...well not sober, but definitely less drunk.

Also as an aside, in the first draft of the script for S1E1 it's shown explicitly that Five is uncomfortable with touch after years in the apocalypse. Though the scene in question didn't make it into later drafts, it still feels implied to me throughout season 1 and it makes me feel happy to see how far he's come, seeming genuinely comfortable with Lila's affection. Also if anyone is interested in the idea of him struggling with touch @soshadysoquiet has a great fic exploring this (though rather than my view that he's become accustomed to, and comfortable with touch it posits that he's dealing with so much due to the apocalypse he doesn't recognise touch as the cause of his distress).

I also think there's a sort of theme happening in the partner dances during Footloose, rather than the characters being paired randomly but that will take long enough to explain it needs it's own post, even if this one wasn't already obscenely long.

[moon-spirit-yue]

Settle Down

Chapter 1: You’re Cold and I Burn

(I feel like Raya deserves several apologies so I made this little fic. Also I’m a firm believer of angry Raya rights and bitter Benja rights. I really don’t think either of them really just got over everything so quickly. Plus some Benja lore I’m making up to explain why things went down the way they did. And for once in my life it’s a fic that’s canon compliant! Get ready for angst today!)

Life is great. 

Raya’s father has finally come back from stone and they reunited once more. In fact, he’s standing a mere ten feet away from her mingling with a couple diplomats from the other lands. Only a three months since the Druun were destroyed for good and already there’s so much progress. 

Life is great.

The dragons have returned too. That was something Raya never anticipated to happen, even if she did manage to bring her ba back. Seeing the stunning celestial beings dance along the horizon has been making Raya’s little dragon nerd heart flutter in excitement. 

Life is great. 

There’s also the nice addition of her and Namaari being on uh, she’s not exactly sure of the right term, but it’s not murderous terms so that’s an improvement. They shared a couple fruits, they smile at each other, so their relationship is certainly going in the right direction.  

It’s great. This is what Raya wanted, what she’s been wanting for the past six years. Yet somehow, she doesn’t feel great. 

In fact, Raya felt something close to miserable. Which is incredibly irritating because she doesn’t understand why she feels so awful. 

The Heart princess had become quickly accustomed to smiling and agreeing with whatever anyone says over the past couple months about how wonderful it is everyone is back and the dragons are miracles. Heart’s been the hotspot for discussing political alliances and was used as a way to show the other lands’ good graces by helping with Heart’s rebuilding. Raya’s cheek hurt from faking her smiles. 

She wishes so badly that her cheerful demeanor and welcoming attitude was sincere, but it wasn’t. When a new person approaches, she reaches for her sword. When Raya gets a new plate of food or a drink, she has to give it a thorough search to make sure no drugs or poisons are in it. When someone smiles and asks how she is, Raya has to lie when she says, “never better.”

And here she sits, watching everyone else either discuss potential political solutions or party hard with people that used be stone statues. Raya can’t bring herself to join anyone. 

“Heeeeeeey bestie!” Sisu exclaimed, slithering right next Raya’s seat which is a rather uncomfortable rock.

“Hi, Sisu. What’s up?” she asked, smiling sincerely for the first time in a while. 

“Nothing crazy, just hanging with the people. You know, people that can actually respond back to me. You should really try it,” the dragon insisted, giving her a look.

Raya sighed and rubbed her face tiredly. Sisu has been trying to drag Raya into any and every social event that’s popped up since the Druun were vanquished. Considering the fact that the past three months have basically been one big celebration, Raya has experienced a lot of attempted dragging.

“I’ve already helped with the crops, my people quota has been reached for the day,” Raya said dismissively. 

“Well sure, but that’s work! Why don’t you talk to some of the homies for fun! Like you could hang out with your ba or Namaari-,” Sisu continued to ramble, but Raya kind of checked out after those two names,

Her relationship with both people had been rather tense, to say the least. It’s certainly to be expected with Namaari given their history, but Raya was surprised at herself to realize she’s not quite as comfortable with her ba as she used to be. 

Raya just doesn’t know how to act around him anymore. Of course, she’s so happy that he’s back, that’s never been an issue, but there’s a barrier between them now that the Heart princess hadn’t considered. 

Maybe it was the fact that so much time had passed? Raya did tell him upfront that she’s no longer a child and doesn’t want to be treated as such but he has been as good as he can be given everything that happened. It’s just so hard to connect with her ba now. The one person that used to make her feel more secure than anything in the world no longer gives Raya the safety he once did.

It has been years since she’s seen him, and a lot has happened, so maybe Raya is trying to rush the process. Doesn’t mean she doesn’t wish things could exactly how they used to be.

“-or you could even make some new friends! Doesn’t that sound fun?” Sisu yelled right when Raya’s brain focused on the conversation again.

“Right, sounds spectacular. I’m going to make a little fruit bowl, can I get you anything?” the Heart warrior asked.

“Oh, strawberries and pineapple would be amazing!” Sisu grinned.

“Coming right up,” Raya mumbled. At least she was no longer being peer pressured into becoming a social butterfly. 

She then began weaving in through people, tables, even a couple dragons before reaching her destination. Raya approached the table filled with assortments of fruits from all five lands thus beginning her examination of which ones look the best. 

“Raya,” a voice said out of literally nowhere.

The Heart princess is rather ashamed to say she actually squeaked a bit as she jumped back, frantically turning to whoever said her name. Feeling her pulse go a mile a minute, she realized that it was Namaari standing next to her.

“Oh, I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to uh, startle you,” Namaari awkwardly sighed. Raya’s entire body tensed but she waved her off like everything was fine.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s a habit I’m trying to break,” Raya shrugged. She’s constantly on edge being surrounded by people all the time. The adjustment period is longer than she anticipated. “So, what’s up? You said that Raya with some urgency there.”

“Ah, I did. I was hoping we could talk? In private?” Namaari asked.

The Heart princess paused for a moment to weigh her options. While it’s true that she’s kind of been hoping an opportunity like this would arise, now she’s not so sure she actually wants to talk. But, it would probably be rude to deny Namaari. 

Honestly, Raya just wants to turn in for the night. The day has been way too long for her taste. She then decided to suck it up and just talk to the Fang princess before retiring to her room.

“Sure, I just need to give Sisu her fruits real quick. The appetite of a dragon amazes me,” Raya smiled in her poor attempt to crack a joke. 

Thankfully, Namaari managed a small smile from the remark.

“No problem, I can wait,” Namaari said.

They started idle chit chat as Raya filled up the bowl with Sisu’s favorites. After promptly excusing herself, Raya wandered back to the dragon’s side to give her the fruit.

“Your snack as requested, Almighty Sisudatu,” Raya grinned. She then bowed dramatically and lifted the bowl right above her head. 

“I love it when you act like you haven’t had to share the same boat as me to sleep,” the dragon laughed and eagerly took the bowl from her. “Okay, so I’m thinking after I replenish my strength, you and I head down to the river for some good old swimming practice?”

“Oh, that probably won’t work out. Namaari just asked to speak with me and there’s a really good chance the discussion will take a while,” Raya frowned. 

“You’re going to talk to Namaari?! That’s great! You guys could use a little bonding experience!” Sisu exclaimed, weirdly ecstatic of Raya talking to Namaari.

“Uh huh. Well, if we both make it out of this interaction alive I’ll find you,” Raya snorted as she walked in Namaari’s direction.

“You got it Raya!” Sisu cheered as she all but waved Raya off.

“Strange, strange dragon,” she whispered to herself as she met up with Namaari. “My mission was a success. Where are we headed?”

“I thought the kitchens would be a good place to talk now that all the cooks are done for the night,” Namaari said as she already began walking in that direction.

“Alright,” Raya gulped. 

She looked around for an excuse to not do this but when she couldn’t find one, Raya hastily followed the other princess. 

The walk to the kitchens was both quiet and awkward. The two women haven’t communicated much since the Druun were vanquished. After the first day of everyone returning from stone, their interactions had become few and far between despite Namaari being so active in Heart’s rebuilding.

Raya had no clue what the hell she should even say to Namaari and had a pretty good feeling she felt the same way. What could they even say to each other? ‘Hey, I know that we’ve almost killed each other several times in the past six years, but want to grab a bite to eat?’ 

Absolutely not.

She could feel her blood pumping, already thinking of the several ways this interaction could turn violent. What was she thinking, going somewhere alone with Namaari after what happened last time. This was a bad idea. Raya can’t do this, she wants to go back to her room or run off to the courtyard or just leave the general area because she just can’t-

“After you,” Namaari said in a quiet voice.

Raya blinked dumbly before registering the fact that Namaari was holding the door open for her and had stepped to the side. Raya’s shoulders tensed up as she reluctantly walked past her and into the kitchen. 

She only took about three steps into the room before turning to face Namaari. Raya didn’t feel comfortable having her back face the other princess and prayed she wouldn’t take notice. 

Once Namaari closed the door behind her, Raya became claustrophobic in about four seconds. Small spaces never felt like an issue before now. Maybe she should pretend to faint or something.

“Well, we’re here. What’s on your mind?” Raya asked, trying really hard not to sound too agitated. 

“I wanted to apologize. For everything. I never should manipulated you into gaining your trust only to take it away. And Sisu’s death? I completely messed up by bringing my crossbow. I’ve only ever tried to do the right thing and it always managed to be wrong. I can’t even imagine what you had to go through because of me. I’m so sorry for anything that happened to you because of my actions,” Namaari said remorsefully. 

To both Namaari and Raya’s surprise, Raya began to laugh. Her hand covered her mouth as a snort managed to escape her. Now, the reason why Raya is currently laughing is because this feels like one big joke. 

And not the good kind. 

“Namaari, has anyone ever told you what a fucking coward you are?” Raya asked, still giggling like a three year old with too much candy.

“I’m sorry what?” Namaari said with a raised eyebrow.

“I mean, it’s true. You’re a fucking coward. It’s a trait that stayed with you since we were kids. When we fought in that cave, you could only kick me when my back was turned, and when I faced you like a big girl, you got your ass handed to you. If you didn’t have that flare and let your mommy bail you out, you would have left that cave black and blue,” Raya rushed out.

The Heart princess shouldn’t be saying any of this. For god’s sake, Kumandra is too delicate for her to be yelling at this woman and saying exactly how she feels. It’s like Namaari’s stupid face and even more stupid apology opened the door to all of Raya’s horrible feelings that she’s been too polite to talk about.

Being polite is officially over.

“Congratulations for stating the obvious, though. Because yeah, a peaceful meeting means no weapons! Honestly, Sisu’s death was on both of us, I’m big enough to realize that. I shouldn’t have been too eager to swing my sword, but you have never once given me a reason to trust you a day in my life! Anytime we see each other swords are drawn, blood is shed, and someone limps away crying. Mostly you, because if I was the one limping and crying, I’d have been in jail,” Raya snapped.

Namaari had the luxury of healthcare and support when she got injured. Raya had Tuk Tuk. As cute as he may be, he does not have the fine motor skills or the thumbs to properly help her tend to her wounds. Not to mention the fact that he wasn’t always the getaway transport he is today. If Raya didn’t win their little interactions, she’d be utterly screwed.

“Okay, that is completely untrue,” Namaari said.

And she had the audacity to sound annoyed. God, Raya wants to throttle her. She has both hands clasped tightly behind her back because she is afraid she may start brawling with this undercut nightmare at a moment’s notice.

“Seriously, you’re upset that I called you out for being a weak binturi? Of all the things that I’m dishing out to you, your physical strength is what’s getting you all hot and bothered?” Raya scoffed.

“That’s not the issue here,” the Fang woman frowned.

“No, the issue is that you suck!” Raya childishly yelled.

Why can’t Raya just stop talking? It’s like a dam overflowed and she has no choice but to say what’s on her mind. This is going to end in disaster. Raya knows that. And still, she continues to speak.

“My god, Namaari! You hunted a homeless orphan for months! I get a couple weeks, Fang pride and all that because hell, I stole from you, but months? What the actual fuck?! I had nothing. No father, no money, no home, and yet somehow you thought I was such a threat that you hunted me down for months? Did it make you feel powerful, knowing that with a snap you fingers you could make my life even more miserable than it already was?” Raya glared. 

“Of course not-,” Namaari began, but was very quickly cut off.

“Well I can’t possibly think of what else you needed from me! I asked about that stupid scroll, you know. With the way you were hunting me, I thought I got my hands on a goldmine. I’m sure you can imagine how surprised I was when I found out it was worth about as much as a bag full of dirt,” Raya scowled.

Shut up, shut up, shut up, her internal voice screamed. Raya wants to stop talking. So badly, Raya just wants to breath and move on. But she can’t. She is so enraged that it’s hard for her to stand still.

“You should have left me alone,” Raya continued when Namaari was suddenly rendered speechless. “I was weak, alone, and I didn’t have a single piece of jade to my name that wasn’t stolen. The very least you could have done was just leave me alone. What the hell was the point of coming after me? What exactly were you trying to prove to your almighty mother?”

“Raya, please, just settle down for one moment,” Namaari sighed as if she was talking to some petulant child. 

Once Raya heard the words ‘settle down’ she knew there was no way this conversation was going to end peacefully.

“Settle down? Settle down?! Are you kidding me? After six years of defending myself from people trying to take what little jade I had, of starving myself so that Tuk Tuk could eat, of missing my ba, of running from the Druun and you might I add, of falling asleep crying because there was no real point in living you want me to SETTLE DOWN?!” Raya screamed with anger seeping out of her pores. 

Namaari just stood there. She stood there like a fucking imbecile and it only pissed Raya off more. She can’t even look at the other woman right now. Raya might actually kill her. 

“I have no desire to talk to you anymore so get out! Bother someone else for change of pace!” Raya yelled at her. 

Her nails began digging into her palms from how tight her fist was balled up. It was taking every ounce of self control Raya has to not grab what ever sharp object was closest to her and charge.

“Raya,” Namaari whispered, at an apparent loss for words. 

“Get out! Just get the hell out of here before I actually burn you alive, you cold, heartless binturi!” Raya shrieked. 

Raya’s pretty sure her own rage is really starting to blind her because Namaari’s facial expression isn’t registering in her mind but thankfully, she could see the Fang princess’s figure quietly walk out. Good. Finally, something’s going right.

But see, the really unfortunate thing is that Raya is still not quite happy with her current state of being. The anger she feels for Namaari did not leave with her. It was hard enough to resist bashing Namaari’s face in so now she needs to find an outlet for her wrath without getting another living thing involved. 

Raya scanned the room to find dozens of wine glasses lined on the kitchen counter tops. Before she knew, the Heart princess grabbed wine glass and threw it on the ground as hard as she could. She watched intently the glass shattered the second it made impact with floor. 

Raya grabbed another glass and gave it the same harsh treatment. Just like the one before, the glass shattered into hundreds of tiny pieces. From that moment on, Raya began to pick up a rhythm in her madness. Grab, throw, shatter, repeat. 

Sometimes she’d squeeze them so tightly that they were broken before they could even hit the floor. Her hands began to bleed from little cuts the glasses gave her but she did’t care. She needed this. It’s the only thing stopping Raya from marching out of this room and finishing what she started in Fang. 

“What on earth are you doing?!” a familiar voice boomed.

The Heart princess turned her furious glare to her father. He was standing there and looked to be a mixture of confused and panicked. Then Benja had the audacity to look at Raya like she had somehow lost her mind. Then Raya finally realized why she was having so many difficulties with her father.

She’s mad at him. Actually mad him. A daughter being mad at her father isn’t an uncommon occurrence. That is, unless you were Raya and Benja. 

Looking back at her childhood, Raya legitimately can’t remember a time where she had been so genuinely angry at her father. Sure, they’d both get a bit upset at each other. But that was usually from a petty incident and the negative feelings lasted for like, one day. There was also the occasional moment of Raya going too far for whatever reason and needing to be scolded, but she always knew when she deserved it and her father always apologized when she didn’t.

But here and now? Raya’s so enraged that she feels like her whole body was set on fire. 

Well, Raya is already on a roll with screaming at the people that exist in her presence, might as well add another to the list.

“And you,” Raya spat, pointing the wine glass she seized at her father like she’d hold her sword. “How dare you look at me like I’m crazy! You should have seen this coming Ba, but then again, your foresight has a pretty bad rep!” 

“Honestly Raya, I thought you knew better than to make a huge mess like this! What has gotten into you!? You were completely fine when you were out with the others! What changed in such a short amount of time?” her father exclaimed while slamming the door shut. 

“Are you kidding me right now? I have not been fine for the past six years Ba! Because you threw me in a damn river!” Raya roared at him, squeezing the glass in her hand. 

“Dewdrop,” he whispered, taking a step forward only for Raya to quickly retreat in the opposite direction. 

“Do not Dewdrop me! I was twelve! I was twelve years old and you gave me a responsibility that most adults couldn’t handle! You said not to give up on them when they’d all given up on themselves! I would lay on the ground night after night, wondering what slight detail could have been changed to avoid this entire mess,” the Heart princess yelled as she felt tears begin to stream down her face. “Why didn’t you wait! You should have built relationships with the other lands before inviting them into our home!  Or you should have not made me a guardian of them gem so young! Why didn’t you stop me? You should have done something, damn it!” 

Though her eyes were still blurred, she could see her father’s form sit on the floor across from her.

“You’re right. It was the biggest mistake of my life,” she heard her father mumble out.

“It definitely was, so why did you do it?” Raya asked, desperate for an explanation. 

“I just, I wanted you to live in a better world. And I was too impatient with the progress we had been making. I hadn’t been planning on telling you this until you were much older, but a few weeks before that gathering, I was attacked,” Benja admitted. 

“You what?” Raya gasped. 

“You know your grandparents died very early on in my youth. The elders thrust me onto the throne before I was ready. After the attempt on my life, I just wanted to make sure that would never happen to you. I had to find a way to make the world a better place before it was too late,” her Ba whispered. 

Raya wiped away her tears and got a good look at her father that was now sitting on the floor. She’d never seen him look so haunted in her entire life. 

“You know, when I had you, I wanted nothing more than for you to have all the time in the world to be a child,” her father continued solemnly. “That’s why I was so hellbent on finding a way to make Kumandra united again. I wanted a quick and easy solution to our problems. The whole point of that day was to make your future better. Instead, I doomed you.”

Raya walked closer to her father when she heard the quiver in his voice. Se crouched down to see tears were streaming down his face.

“I failed you, Raya. Not a day goes by where I don’t think of it. From the bottom of my heart, I am so sorry for all the pain I caused you. I should have protected you more. I put too much weight on your shoulders. I understand if you resent me for the rest of your life, but please know that I never meant to hurt you. Everything I have ever done has been to love you and keep you safe from the day you were born,” he choked out.

Seeing her ba cry just made tears well up in Raya’s eyes. Wordlessly, Raya crawled onto his lap like she used to as a kid. Her father wrapped his arms around her waist and she leaned against his neck.

Raya didn’t even realize how much her chest has been heaving until she stopped moving. Hearing her father truly acknowledge his faults in the way everything went down helped Raya find clarity inside herself.

“You know the thing that I hated the most about the Druun?” Raya asked.

“I’m a little scared to hear this but what?” her father replied. 

“I hated that you were gone because you’re my best friend and the person I love most,” the Heart princess cried. She felt her father’s arm tighten around her.

No words were exchanged as the two wallowed in their own misery and regret together. Despite the heavy atmosphere in the room, it’s the lightest Raya has felt since her ba returned from stone. 

“I’m sorry, for everything I’ve done. Please, please don’t hate me forever,” her father begged her. Raya laughed weakly while shaking her head.

“I could never hate you, ba. I didn’t even realize I was holding a grudge, but having this talk made me feel a lot better. I think we just need to take everything one step at a time from this point on,” the Heart princess sniffled. She smiled hearing her father sigh in relief.

“Okay good. I know I said resenting me forever would have been okay and it would have, but I honestly don’t know if my heart would have been able to take it,” Benja chuckled. 

“On that note, I should probably address that mess I made behind me,” Raya frowned, looking at the wreckage.

“You certainly did a number here,” her father noted. 

“Hey Ba? One more thing,” Raya said. 

“What is it Dewdrop?” he asked curiously.

“I forgive you,” Raya told him sincerely.

“Thank you,” Benja sighed, completely relieved. After giving her one last squeeze he loosened his arms a bit so that Raya could break free.

Raya smiled a bit and used the rather minimal strength she had left to get back up on her feet. She stretched out her hand for her father. Just when he was about to take it, he gasped loudly and brought her hand to his face. Raya’s confusion didn’t last long when she realized her hand was covered in tiny cuts from the glass. Raya hadn’t even realize she was bleeding until now.

“Stay there, I know there’s some disinfectants stuffed in this kitchen somewhere. We have way too many accident prone chefs,” her father mentioned. 

Raya nodded and sat quietly on floor as her father rummaged through the cabinets to get what he needed to heal her wounds. No words were spoken as Benja took her left hand in his. 

The Heart princess winced when the disinfectant made contact with her skin. She bit her lip as the stinging sensation traveled all across her hand. Raya then watched her ba firmly wrap the bandage around her hand. Thankfully, the right hand was done at a much faster pace.

“Does that feel okay? I didn’t wrap them too tightly did I?” Benja asked with concern etched in his voice.

“It’s good, Ba. Thank you. I suppose now I need to get rid of this wreck,” Raya sighed. Turning her attention to the floor with the shattered glass made her cringe because of how much work needed to be done. The glass shattered into very tiny pieces. Man, she really didn’t think this through.

“Dewdrop, you’re exhausted and injured. I’m more than happy to send a couple maids up here,” Benja told her. Then he reassessed the damage and realized how bad it was. “Or maybe a small army of maids, but the point still stands.” 

“No, don’t make the poor maids suffer because of my breakdown. I’ll clean it up, it’s fine. I can make it work even with the bandages. It was kind of on purpose so I’d feel bad making them do it,” Raya sighed, waving her ba off. 

She grabbed an empty bag that was originally used to transport fresh vegetables and crouched down to start picking up the glass shards. To Raya’s surprise, her father crouched down and also began picking up shards.

“Ba, it’s okay, I can clean it up myself. I’m not a kid anymore,” Raya told him.

“Well I know that, but I’m still your ba. Just because you can do something alone doesn’t mean you have to. It’s my job as a father to help my daughter clean up her messes, no matter how old she is,” Benja said. 

Raya said no words but flung her arms around him. Her ba wasted no time in wrapping both arms around her tightly, almost afraid to let go. The Heart princess bit back another sob when she realized she felt protected in her father’s arms again. She needed that talk more than she realized. The Heart princess still sniffled a bit and tried regaining her composure.

“Since you’re so adamant about helping me clean my messes, I sorta kinda may have threatened to burn Namaari alive and had huge screaming match with her so if there’s any way you could do some damage control for that, I’d be eternally grateful,” Raya laughed nervously as they slowly pulled away from each other.

“I’ll handle it,” her ba sighed. “I see that violent charm you had as a child hasn’t changed throughout the years. You definitely got that from your mother.”

“Hey, don’t pawn off all my bad traits on Ma. Poor woman can’t even defend herself,” the princess joked as she proceeded to clean up the glass shards.

“I know she would have done the same to me, we understood each other that way,” her father chuckled. 

Benja reached forward to grab a piece of glass but winced before he even got hold of it.

“You alright back there? You didn’t cut yourself, did you?” Raya asked.

“No, I’m fine. My knees just started really hurting all of a sudden,” her father frowned. 

“Oh ba, just sit down and let me clean up myself. I wouldn’t want you to hurt your old man knees,” Raya grinned. Amusement was shining in her eyes as her ba pulled the most offended face he could muster.

“Excuse you, I am not old! I have not aged a day since I’ve been turned to stone! In fact, I haven’t aged at all. I’m still thirty five!” Benja spat indignantly. 

“I don’t know ba, I see those grey hairs,” Raya laughed knowing full well there was not a single strand of grey on his head.

“Wait are you serious?” Benja asked as he brought one of the bigger glass shards to his face to examine his reflection. “I’m telling you right now that if there is a grey strand in here I’m grounding you because it was definitely your fault.”

The Heart princess began absolutely cackling at the sight of her father’s distressed face. After a very in depth examination Benja was able to come to the conclusion that Raya was pulling his leg.

“You’re just lucky,” her ba huffed.

“Yeah, I really am,” Raya said sincerely.

With these horrible barriers broken down, both father and daughter worked tirelessly to pick up the pieces, one step at a time. 

[sleepykye]

Strength in Unity

"Strength in Unity" is a heartwarming tale of you and Yuji Itadori's journey from strangers to lovers. Starting with a chance meeting at Jujutsu Tech, you quickly become friends, sharing missions, laughter, and support. As you face the challenges of being jujutsu sorcerers together, your bond deepens into love. Through battles and heartfelt moments, you discover the strength in unity and the promise of a future together.

It was your first week at Jujutsu Tech, and you were still getting accustomed to the rigorous training and the strange world of jujutsu sorcery. One afternoon, you were in the courtyard practising your techniques when a soccer ball rolled up to your feet. You looked up to see a boy with pink hair running toward you, a look of mild panic on his face.

"Hey, sorry about that!" he called out, slowing down as he approached. "We were playing soccer, and I guess I kicked it too hard."

You bent down to pick up the ball, then tossed it back to him. "No problem," you said with a smile. "I'm Y/N, by the way."

"Yuji Itadori," he replied, catching the ball effortlessly. "Nice to meet you! Want to join us?"

You hesitated for a moment. You had planned to train alone, but his enthusiasm was infectious. "Sure, why not?" you said, walking over to join the group.

You quickly learned that Yuji was not only strong but also incredibly friendly and approachable. He introduced you to his friends, Nobara and Megumi, and soon you were all playing together. The game was fun and lighthearted, a welcome break from the intense training sessions.

After the game, you all sat down on the grass, and Yuji handed you a bottle of water. "You're pretty good!" he said, still catching his breath.

"Thanks," you replied, taking a sip. "You too."

Over the next few days, you found yourself hanging out with Yuji and his friends more often. He was always inviting you to join in on whatever they were doing, whether it was training, studying, or just relaxing. His friendly nature made it easy for you to feel comfortable and welcomed.

One evening, after a particularly tough training session, you and Yuji decided to grab some dinner from a nearby ramen shop. As you walked through the bustling streets of Tokyo, you found yourself opening up to him about your life before Jujutsu Tech.

"I used to go to a normal high school," you said. "I never imagined I'd end up fighting curses."

"Same here," Yuji replied, slurping his noodles. "I was just a regular guy until all this happened. But I'm glad I ended up here. I've met some really amazing people, like you."

You felt a warm blush rise to your cheeks. "Thanks, Yuji. I'm glad I met you too."

The next day, you were paired with Yuji for a mission. It was a simple one, just a routine exorcism of a low-level curse, but it was your first mission together. As you worked side by side, you were impressed by Yuji's strength and determination.

After successfully completing the mission, you both sat down to rest. "You did great out there," Yuji said, giving you a thumbs-up.

"Thanks," you replied with a smile. "I couldn't have done it without you."

As weeks turned into months, your friendship with Yuji deepened. You started to notice the little things about him – how he always tried to cheer everyone up, how he was always willing to help others, and how he never gave up, no matter how tough things got.

One evening, you were on another mission, this time in a forest outside the city. The curse you were hunting was elusive, and you ended up chasing it for hours. When you finally cornered it, you and Yuji fought side by side, your teamwork seamless.

After the battle, you both collapsed onto the grass, exhausted but victorious. "We make a pretty good team," Yuji said, looking over at you.

"Yeah, we do," you agreed, catching your breath. "Thanks for always having my back."

"Always," he replied with a grin.

As you spent more time together, you started to realize your feelings for Yuji were growing stronger. It wasn't just friendship anymore – you were falling for him. You tried to hide it, afraid of ruining the great dynamic you had, but sometimes you caught yourself staring at him a little too long or smiling at his jokes a little too hard.

One night, after a particularly difficult mission where things didn't go as planned, you found yourself sitting alone on the school's rooftop, feeling defeated. Yuji found you there, sitting down beside you without a word.

"Hey," he said softly. "Rough day?"

"Yeah," you sighed. "I just feel like I messed up."

Yuji shook his head. "You didn't mess up. We all have tough days. What's important is that we keep going."

You looked at him, his words resonating deeply. "Thanks, Yuji. You're always so positive."

He smiled. "It's easy when I have friends like you."

One day, after a particularly long training session, you and Yuji were sitting under a tree, taking a break. The sun was setting, casting a warm glow over the campus. You looked at Yuji, your heart pounding.

"Yuji, there's something I've been meaning to tell you," you began, your voice shaking slightly.

He turned to you, curiosity in his eyes. "What is it, Y/N?"

You took a deep breath. "I... I really like you. More than just a friend. I've felt this way for a while, and I just needed you to know."

Yuji's eyes widened in surprise, and for a moment, you feared the worst. But then a slow smile spread across his face. "Y/N, I like you too. I've been feeling the same way, but I was scared to say anything."

Relief washed over you, and you both laughed, the tension melting away. "So, what do we do now?" you asked, feeling a mix of excitement and nervousness.

"How about we take it one step at a time?" Yuji suggested, reaching out to take your hand. "We'll figure it out together."

From that moment on, your relationship with Yuji blossomed into something more. You supported each other through the challenges of being jujutsu sorcerers, finding strength and comfort in your bond. Whether you were training, fighting curses, or simply enjoying each other's company, being with Yuji made everything better.

One day, during a mission in a haunted building, you and Yuji were separated from the rest of the team. As you navigated the dark hallways, you felt a cold chill run down your spine. Suddenly, a cursed spirit appeared, and you found yourself in a fierce battle.

Just as you were starting to feel overwhelmed, Yuji burst into the room, his eyes blazing with determination. "Hang on, Y/N!" he shouted, joining the fight. Together, you managed to defeat the spirit, your combined strength overpowering it.

Afterward, you collapsed onto the floor, breathing heavily. "Thanks, Yuji," you said, looking up at him. "I don't know what I would've done without you."

He knelt down beside you, his expression serious. "We'll always be there for each other, Y/N. No matter what."

As your relationship grew, you found new ways to support each other. You helped Yuji with his studies, and he encouraged you to push your limits during training. You shared your fears and dreams, finding solace in each other's company.

One weekend, you and Yuji decided to take a break from the hectic life of jujutsu sorcerers and go on a hike. The fresh air and beautiful scenery were a welcome change, and you enjoyed every moment together. As you reached the top of the hill, you sat down to admire the view.

"It's so peaceful here," you said, leaning against Yuji.

"Yeah," he agreed, wrapping an arm around you. "It's nice to get away from everything sometimes."

You turned to look at him, your heart swelling with affection. "I'm really glad we found each other, Yuji."

He smiled, his eyes full of warmth. "Me too, Y/N. Me too."

Life as jujutsu sorcerers was never easy, but having Yuji by your side made it bearable. You faced countless battles and challenges, always coming out stronger together. Your bond grew unbreakable, and you knew you could rely on each other no matter what.

One night, after a particularly dangerous mission, you were both sitting on the rooftop, looking up at the stars. The exhaustion of the day weighed heavily on you, but Yuji's presence was comforting.

"Do you ever think about the future?" you asked, your voice barely above a whisper.

"Yeah," Yuji replied, his gaze fixed on the sky. "I think about it a lot. And I know one thing for sure."

"What's that?" you asked, turning to look at him.

He met your eyes, his expression sincere. "I want you to be in it, Y/N. Whatever happens, I want us to be together."

Tears filled your eyes, and you reached out to take his hand. "I want that too, Yuji. More than anything."

From that moment on, you and Yuji were inseparable. You continued to face the challenges of being jujutsu sorcerers together, always finding strength in your love for each other. Whether you were battling curses, training, or simply enjoying a quiet moment, you knew you had found something truly special.

And as you looked toward the future, you knew that no matter what came your way, you would face it together, hand in hand

-------------------------------------------------------

I'm thinking of maybe just mass uploading all my stories I have in my draft but at the same time.... NAH ! 🥸

[stevetonyweekly]

SteveTony Weekly - November 12

Happy weekend, friends! I’ve got a short list for you this week, which tbh, is gonna be the trend for a while. Work is increasingly busy, as are family commitments, and grad school is scheduled for January. Sorry about that. Anyway--enjoy these recs and be sure to leave a comment/kudo for your fic authors! 

~*~

stellar collision by Pandemic

He turns sixteen in front of his bathroom mirror with a chill across his skin, goosebumps on his arms, and a burn across his sternum. A wet laugh bubbles up from his mouth, too close to tears, as he watches avidly as ink pours across his skin. He thumbs the mark, presses into it, and gasps when he feels his stomach twist and a feeling he can’t shake that his soulmark is somewhere out there doing the same.

"I loved them instantly. It’s remarkable. Where was that love before? Where did you acquire it from? The way it is suddenly there, total and complete, as sudden as grief but in reverse, is one of the wonders of being human.”

Dedicated to You by mariana_oconnor

Steve Rogers is happy with his life. He runs a small bookshop, has good friends, and he fervently believes that the printed page is not obsolete. He's not expecting Tony Stark, billionaire inventor of the best e-reader on the market and perennial prey of the gossip magazines, to walk through the door.

His friends think he's crazy not to at least get the man's number, considering he's had a crush on Tony for years, but as luck would have it Steve might just get another chance.

A Notting Hill AU.

it's a small world after all by earliebirb 

“Great speech.”

Smiling at the compliment, Tony turns around. “Thank y—”

And nearly drops his champagne flute.

His world comes to a stop.

They had only spent a night together, but Tony would recognize those baby blues anywhere.

It’s Steve.

Steve from Tony’s London business trip. Or, as Rhodey has become accustomed to calling him—The Soulmate That Got Away.

Selvage by elwenyere

When a mysterious knight is wounded in battle while protecting King Anthony Stark, it's hard to tell who's more frustrated: the king, who has so far failed to discover any clues to the missing man's identity, or the king's personal attendant, Steven Rogers, who can't believe King Anthony took the field in the first place.

What Lies Inside by Penumbren

When the Avengers discover Captain America in the Arctic sea, they find more than just a new team member: Tony Stark discovers his fated mate. The problem is, Steve Rogers is a man out of his own time and apparently straight, and Tony's not about to force anything on the man he loves--even if it means his own death. Besides, Tony's spent his entire life keeping secrets. How can he possibly tell Steve that he's really Iron Man, let alone a werewolf?

this is the long haul by meidui

It takes them eleven years to go on a first date.

the steve rogers rating system by meidui

Tony has an internalised Steve Rogers rating system, but it’s not standardised. It’s also not a foolproof system because Steve behaves in ways that crash it all the time.

Advice for the Modern Merman by KandiSheek 

It's been ten years since technological advancement finally allowed merpeople to join the regular human society. Steve never thought he'd be dating the man who made it all possible.

Or Call Me Something Else by FestiveFerret

There are things Steve Rogers doesn't like about the future - see: Instagram - and there are things Steve Rogers loves about the future - see: hot, wild, no-strings-attached sex with Tony Stark. That is, until Tony drops the "b" word, and Steve realizes that what he thought was casual fun was something much more serious to the other man.

A platform for love by BladeoftheNebula 

Single parent Steve has a scary moment on the subway, but thankfully a handsome stranger saves the day.

Can't Write One Song (That's Not About You) by FestiveFerret 

Ten years ago, Tony fell in love with his roommate: funny, handsome, kind, smart Steve Rogers, who also happened to be the lead singer and guitarist of a band, The Howlies.

Then The Howlies made it big, Steve moved away, and Tony vowed to avoid any mention of the band, their songs, and the man he missed his chance with.

But chance has a way of giving you exactly what you need, even if you don't know it yet...

you'll be mine and i'll be yours by complicationstoo 

Five words ruin Tony's life.

“He doesn't love me back,” Steve says, and Tony feels his world crumble to pieces at his feet.

Steve loves someone, and Tony knows it isn't him.

The warmth of your cheek against mine by BlossomsintheMist

Steve's hurt. Tony looks after him. Established relationship.

I'll turn hours into gardens by nanasekei

Every week, a plant arrives.

Double or Nothing by RurouniHime 

One of these days, they're actually going to get that sleepover.

Steve's patient, Tony's determined, and Bucky is... wait, what's the opposite of helping? (otherwise known as the sex-filled sequel to Place Your Bets)

Sugar Seeking Sugar by NotEvenCloseToStraight

After Howard kicks Omega!Tony out, Tony is left to raise baby!Peter by himself. Working a crappy job and barely surviving, the Omega is desperate for help. When Omega!Clint suggests a Sugar Daddy, Tony is first horrified then resigned to what might be his only option to keep food on the table.

Alpha!Steve has a career, a big house, and money but is lonely every day of his life and doesn't know how to change it. When Alpha!Bucky suggests a Sugar Baby, Steve is first scandalized and then hesitantly open to at least trying.

The Sugar Seeking Sugar Agency matches Tony and Steve, and sparks fly right away between the pair. One date leads to two, then shopping trips and sleepovers, and Tony has money for bills, diapers and baby clothes while Steve is happy with the company and quickly falling in love.

Alphas usually don't want to deal with another Alpha's kid, so Tony keeps Peter a secret as long as he can but eventually he has to tell Steve about his past, his complicated life and what it might mean for their relationship.

Will the truth put a stop to their slowly progressing romance, or is a family with Tony exactly what lonely Alpha!Steve has always wanted?

[erenmusic]

Live Review of Splintered Sunlight, Grateful Dead Tribute band, at the Machunk Opera House

This was a show I saw almost a year back, but I remember it like yesterday. My whole family is filled with deadheads and I've been accustomed to them for most of my life, This show and Band, Splintered Sunlight is one of the best dead cover bands out there and they play in New Jersey all the time!

so to set the stage, I was out in the Poconos and we found tickets to this show. I had seen Splintered Sunlight play before in Asbury Park and Long Branch, in much bigger venues than this one, sometimes even standing outside the show and listening to them because we didn't get tickets. But this venue was just amazing, in a little town up in the mountains inside of an Opera house, it was raining and the concert started around the evening, It couldn't have been cooler. eventually after everyone got in we sat down and the music started playing and as you can see since I somehow found a video of this so you can really see how the lighting and stage was set to the tone of a good dead show. The first set started out with Missisipi Half-Step Uptown Toodeloo Which Is one of my favorite songs from the Dead so It got me right into the mood for the concert. In classic Dead fashion I had also found some materials to enhance the experience. So after a long time of the first song going, right when I was almost about to get bored, Franklin's Tower starts playing, and man was the guitar and keyboard combo just magical. The ''Jerry'' of the group, Buchy really gets the feeling of Grateful Dead right and especially his voice and how he plays the guitar really reminds me of my favorite era's of Jerry playing. Also Franklins Tower is usually played in tandem with Help on the way and Slipknot, so I was really pleasantly surprised when they just switched right into it. after they ended Franklins tower, most of the rest of the set was them playing songs that were too Obscure for me. I honestly hadn't heard of many of the songs or at least couldn't recognize them properly (Will probably be called a poser for this) except Cumberland Blues which made me switch right back into the groove. Ive always loved the energetic feeling and the vocals on that song( I gotta get doown! I gotta get down!). The set ended shortly after that and there was a slight intermission. I went outside the venue and bummed a cigarette from a guy and we talked about the show for a bit before going back in. Shortly after that, the Second set started. After a bit of tuning their instruments and a warm-up song, In the Midnight Hour, they got right into China Cat and afterward, I Know You Rider. By this time I was already standing in the front dancing (You can actually see me in the video lol). they did a really good job with China Cat this night, I know you Rider was also one of the best versions I have ever heard live, the Keyboard player was really on his game in this show. I remember just closing my eyes and dancing. I am normally very self-conscious about being watched while having fun, but the combo of I guess the materials and the feeling of the concert allowed me to let go of the thought of people seeing it. I was having a great time and I kinda got lost in the music after a point. then after a couple more songs, they got really really heady. A very well done Drums and then an ambient piece right after it was the most psychedelic the concert got and it was really an experience I haven't had anywhere else yet. I was very zoned out and kind of dancing and moving, swinging around on autopilot but then eventually towards the end they started The Wheel which just has the greatest hook. (Won't you try just a little bit harder) and Not Fade Away I was just blown away by the energy it gave me. I was jumpy and I was feeling the music so much more but then very quickly they stopped and got really heady again before finally transitioning into a version of Hard to Handle by Otis Redding which was just icing on the cake of an already amazing show. Some of the best Dead Cover Bands you will ever see, Check out Splintered Sunlight, and don't gatekeep them, the Dead is still out there, you just have to find them.

[feuqueerfire]

July 2024 Movies/Shows Wrap-Up

A little monthly (spoilery!) wrap-up of all the shows, movies, and shorts I’ve watched or am watching in July 2024, general thoughts, and ranking of them all.

Recommendation of the month(s): Lovely Runner and My Stand-In were both popular in their circles and I'm glad I liked them both.

Ranking

Lovely Runner = My Stand-In

Blank S1

Longlegs

Dropped: Wandee Goodday after ep 8 (rip)

Currently Watching: Century of Love

Strangely, every single thing I watched this month has been a 2024 release. doesn't have often at all.

Average Rating: 6.1/10 (the top 3 pulling up the ratings of the bottom 2)

MDL Updates - Added to Watchlist: 

A section because I’m curious about how many shows I decide to add to my Watch List a month and also the ratio of watching them:adding them.

Title MDL (year) - (date added to Considering or finalized to Watchlist): initial reaction

Blank - Season 2 - 240704

Bad and Crazy (2021) - 240725: I had this on my watchlist before it was even released actually because I was on a Wi Hajoon binge in fall 2021. Ended up removing it sometime first half of 2022 it seems like because I got spoiled about the characters being [redacted] and wasn't sure if that's a trope I liked. But have watched some more Wi Hajoon and Lee Dongwook shows since then, so honestly, I think I'll probably like it. + I got an iQiyi 7-day VIP trial code, so I'll probably watch it on my commute using that.

Century of Love (2024) - 240727

The Boyfriend - 240731: Started getting a bunch of DaiShun/ShunDai tweets on my timeline after I liked 1-2 of their tweets so now I'm really curious about them. Have never watched a reality dating show and generally don't have any desire to but idk... maybe I'll watch it. but unlikely if they break up before i get around to watching this or something lol

To Watch List At Start Of Month: 62

To Watch List At End Of Month: 64

Removed from To Watch List:

Title (Year) - (date removed): reason

Currently Watching

Century of Love

Country: Thailand

Release Dates: Jul 10, 2024 - Aug 8, 2024

Watch Via: Youtube

Watch Dates: July -, 2024

Rating: TODO/10

Overall: - caught up: ep 7 -

tags: century of love

Also Appears In: Century of Love Ep 1 - 8 Live Blogging

Completely Watched

Blank - Season 1

Country: Thailand

Release Dates: Mar 2, 2024 - Apr 7, 2024

Watch Via: Youtube

Watch Dates: July 1 - 4, 2024

Rating: 6.5/10

Overall: A dramatic, intense, first half of an age gap GL and though the plot is ridiculous sometimes (mother, father, and daughter all in love with Khun Nueng at different points in life), I was invested. The acting was good, the storyline was good, I'm into the age gap and honestly expected it to be a little worse based on how people were talking about it lol. I loved getting to see Nueng play a character which I'm more accustomed to seeing in male love interests (or at least in the YA fantasy I used to read as a teen lol): she's callous, she's closed-off, she doesn't show her emotions/weaknesses and will be publicly cruel while having a heart-of-gold and breaking down in private. I'm looking forward to the next part.

tags: blank the series

Also Appears In: Blank S1 & S2 Live Blogging

omg, look how many shows I'm watching at once, haven't been in the middle of 4 shows since April 2022 but back then, they were all like short-ish shows (or Reincarnation Love is just 1 very short video and Ingredients is like multiple very short videos). This time, I have to be in the middle of My Stand-In and Wandee Goodday since I'm watching 2 on-air shows for the first time. The Lovely Runner thing is causing it to bulk up since I've paused that show until like July 8 but am planning on just straight binging that as usual when the time comes.

Lovely Runner 

Country: South Korea

Release Dates: Apr 8, 2024 - May 28, 2024

Watch Via: Viki (paid)

Watch Dates: June 25 (Ep 1 only), July 6 - 11

Rating: 7/10

Overall: A fun show with a fun concept and great acting + romance. It was funny and delightful most of the time, there was a kind of killer/suspense aspect but that wasn't really ever the Focus, Sunjae being killed was the focus; similarly, they didn't thoroughly explain the time travel because the mechanics wasn't the focus, Sol going back was the focus. I liked Sunjae and Sol together and it was fun seeing how Sunjae was slightly different in the different timelines lol I liked seeing the couple on high school, college, as idol!Sunjae and actor!Sunjae. It did feel a bit like consistency was lost in their relationship but that was the point i guess. It was a very romantic concept, the way they were falling in love in every timeline. Everything about it was good and I was engaged, I just don’t think I’d think about it much though.

tags: lovely runner

Also Appears In: Lovely Runner Live Blogging

My Stand-In

Country: Thailand

Release Dates: Apr 26, 2024 - Jul 12, 2024

Watch Via: iQiyi, so ;>

Watch Dates: June 25 - July 13, 2024

Rating: 7/10

Overall: How does Ming live knowing he never faced Joe's original body while having sex?! A permanent body switch should have more despair, Joe is just stuck in this random guy's body forever while his own body was cremated... horrific omg. I knew going into the show that Ming is supposedly a terrible person who treats Joe shittily and Joe keeps going back to it and I think that preparation helped me really enjoy the show. The show redeems Ming by the end but it doesn't necessarily pretend that Ming actually treated Joe well back then, Ming's shittiness was the point. It's a fun show and I was excited to see Ming realize how much Joe truly meant to him rather than his crush on Tong (also, fuck Tong's attempted redemption!). I found Ming and Joe so cute together man, like when the times were good, they were soooooo good. Overall, a good show, definitely one of the better BLs this year and one where I wasn't disappointed compared to the hype.

tags: my stand-in

Also Appears In: My Stand-In Live Blogging Eps 1 - 10, Ep 11, Ep 12

Longlegs (2024)

Country: USA

Release Dates: May 19, 2024 - Jun 21, 2024

Watch Via: at the theatres

Watch Dates: July 13, 2024

Rating: 5/10

Overall: Was hoping for more since it's so hyped. Didn't find it to be scary nor haunting, and the mystery aspect/the reveals felt anti-climactic. We did miss the first few minutes of the movie though and I wanna watch it, so that's on my list.

Okay, I've finished Lovely Runner, My Stand-In, and the Mistborn trilogy, so some of my unfinished stuff/series I was in the middle of has finished. Next up: Wandee Goodday (catch up + finished) and Blank Season 2, after that I can start watching shows that I haven't been in the middle of for weeks lol.

Wandee Goodday

Country: Thailand

Release Dates: May 4, 2024 - Jul 20, 2024

Watch Via: GMMTV Youtube (free)

Watch Dates: June 1 - DROPPED, 2024

Rating: -/10 but maybe a tentative 5/10

Overall: I was so excited for this based on how people were talking about the first 4 or so episodes, which I also thoroughly enjoyed once I started watching. But in the middle it felt character motivations and actions were inconsistent and I was confused about certain narrative choices (the kiss...) and so didn't really feel the urge to keep up week to week after ep 8. I was gonna binge eps 9 - 12 at once but I realized that I actually do not care because most things I've read about those few episodes made me dread watching it and I don't think I'd enjoy it. I saw a few gifs

tags: wandee goodday

Also Appears In: Wandee Goodday Live Blogging Eps 1 - 5, Ep 6, Ep 7, Ep 8,

Century of Love watching while on air. Watched a new thing after a while (nothing from July 14 to July 26). During that time, I had 0 on-air shows which is different from toward the beginning of the month but now I'm back to 1 on-air show.

On Air after MSI and Wandee - written on July 2:

idk if I should even watch another on-air because I think Wandee's kinda falling apart toward the end despite a strong start and this is not the only BL to have done this, esp for GMMTV recent BLs according to other people, so I'm... Caution.

but I think catching up on ep 10 with 2 eps left to go like MSI is pretty fun, instead of catching up at ep 5 like Wandee

there are a few candidates that I'm looking at. Ideally, it'd be a Saturday or Sunday show because I'm working (during the weekdays and often in person, so can't even watch it during breaks/lunch) but most shows tend to be on weekdays.

My Love Mix-Up! TH: Friday - BL - Aug 23 (12 eps): Before the show started airing, I was thinking I'd start this one and maybe watch all the way from ep 1 since I usually start from ep 3-4 at the earliest but uhhh I'm not hearing great reviews, so not a good on-air choice. Verdict: ❌

The Secret of Us: Mondays - GL - ends Aug 12 (8 eps). It'd be my first GL and the reception for the first 2 have been very good. However, I can't actually do this because it doesn't come on Youtube w/ subs until Thursday lol and idk if the illegal sites have subs (I think Netflix has subs but that's on Tuesdays). I wanna watch an on-air GL someday but unfortunately don't think it'll be this one (and Loyal Pin is 16 eps, that's too long unless I start on ep 12 lmfao). Verdict: ❌

Century of Love: Wed/Thursday - BL - ends Aug 8 (10 eps). Watching this could be cool with 2 episodes a week, so the wait won't be as long until next episode and we'll get double the length per week. It hasn't been released yet, so I'm Very Tentatively putting this on the watchlist because idk why I like seeing DaouOffroad clips/pics on my twitter these days even though I haven't even watched Love In Translation smh. The trope of loml-reincarnated-into-a-man D: is doesn't specifically call to me but I'm not opposed to it at all. honestly I could get into it if done well or done toxic in a delicious way because I don't remember First Love, Again at alllll. anyway, we'll see with this one. || Okay, people seem to loveee it so far and I've also grown more and more curious, so this one seems to be the next one, hoot! ✅

Love Sea: Sunday - BL - ends Aug 11 (10 eps). I like ForPeat, the gifsets I've seen are Appealing lol and I've heard good things about the first 3 eps, though 4th ep was a mixed bag. ❌ This will end when I'm away on vacation (and not watching shows) and I don't want that, either end before or continue going for couple weeks afterwards

The Trainee: Sunday - BL - Sept 15. It's a Sunday show, which is desirable for me but it ends in September, so I think I'm gonna consider watching one of the above shows that end in August first, and then if the reception to this show is still good, I'll maybe jump in for the last 3-4 episodes. Then again, maybe not, because one apparently can never be too wary of GMMTV shows falling apart in the last quarter or third. ⏭️ maybe the last few episodes but not before like ep 8 or smth

4 Minutes: Friday - BL - ? (? eps). This is one of my most highly-anticipated shows and so I'm tempted to watch it as it airs, especially to avoid spoilers but I think I do enjoy shows where I binge watch almost the entire thing and then watch the last episode live. so idk what I'll do. I'll have to mute everything and everybody on Twitter fr. ⏭️ but a few episodes will need to be out first

I have a 7-day iQiyi VIP voucher, so I'm planning on watching shows that way and I hope I can download shows to watch on my commute and stuff. I have to use the code by Sept 1. I'm eyeing shows that are exclusively available on iQiyi:

Bad and Crazy (can watching during commute)

Deep Night (too risque too watch during commute)

Love Sea (too risque too watch during commute)

Meet Me At The Blossom (tentatively because it's not yet finished and isn't on my watchlist yet)

I Hear The Sunspot (tentatively because it's not yet finished and isn't on my watchlist yet + it won't be over by the time I get to use the code hmm)

Love In Translation (tentatively because I'm more likely to watch this if I end up really liking Century of Love)

To Watch This Month - from July 1:

On-Air: pick up a new one maybe ✅ (CoL)

Finish On-Airs: Wandee Goodday ✅ and My Stand-In ✅

South Korea: I can watch most of these on my commutes. Lovely Runner ✅, Through The Darkness, She Makes My Heart Flutter, Method.

Thailand: Blank S1 ✅ & S2, a recent GMMTV BL (Cherry Magic), an older one (ITSAY)

Next Month - rotation of some counties with a few shows: Philippines (Gaya Sa Pelikula, Rookie/Sleep With Me), South Asian (Monkey Man, Jab We Met), some Japanese (Favouritism of the Gods, I Became the Main Role in a BL Drama)

✅: watched this month, ⏸️: currently watching, ❌: not watching in this iteration/section of country, ⏭️: moved to next month/ran out of time

[xxsarcasm]

Heyyy!! can I request a Kyle Garrick (Gaz) x fem reader where Gaz and the reader are on a mission and they find a puppy and take care of it together :)

Gaz x Y/n Gn!reader

Minors welcome.

A/N: I totally forgot you said fem reader(so sorry) but it's not hard to read it as fem because I didn't state gender in this. ❤️

__________________________

0400 – Paris, France…

It was a pleasant morning, the sun hadn't quite risen and the morning dew still fresh in the air. You had a rough night's sleep as it has been the first time in a few weeks there hasn't been some kind of awful sound attributed to your efforts against the inevitable war that approached.

Seeing that it was already morning thanks to your alarm clock with it's red hue shining right at you, you decided to go for a walk and get accustomed to your new surroundings.

You put your old worn in boots on and tie them up and throw on your jacket, as you walk out of your single bed hotel room that you and your team were staying at.

You were a temp member for the task force 141 as you had a good friendship with one of the members, Kyle Garrick. You were a recon/med personnel and they needed another snicky member on their team and you fit in perfectly.

As you open and close your door ever so quietly as to not wake your exhausted team you see Kyle walking down the hotel stairs. You follow him down the stairs not calling to him as it was so early

Once you and him had gotten down the stairs you call to him

Kyle!

Y/n?? He said as he turned around to face you. What are you doing up? You scared me.

I was up so I decided to go for a walk, you know to get more comfortable with the area… what are you doing up this early? You ask him folding your arms

I… I was also going for a walk, it's nice out and I couldn't sleep. Would you like to join me? He asked with a raise of his brow and a small smile.

I'd like that. You say as you return the smile.

You both walk out of the hotel via the from entrance past the beautiful red reception desk placed in the middle of the entrance room.

It smells so nice out here, reminds me of home. You say as you take your friends hand.

It's sure does, I could go for a nice lay down in my bed back home. He says has he squeezes your hand playfully.

As the two of you walk around the beautiful city and take in the rare quiet sight of the tourist hub at it's most peaceful time.

We should come here sometime when we get time off, just you and me. It would be so fun. You say as you let got off his hand and try and walk a bit faster than him.

Paris? I don't know, it sounds like a date, not just a trip. He says teasingly as he catches up with just a few steps.

Before you had a chance to answer you hear a noise.

Do you hear that? You asked with a worried face

… I… yea.. is that whimpering? A dog maybe? He says as you both started looking around for what is making the noise.

As you both frantically search the area you finally find it, it's a puppy, a Great Pyrenees, it was sitting in a trash can trying to get out.

Ky I found it! It's a puppy! You yell to him as you pick up the little puppy, still damp from the morning sprinkle.

A Pyrenees?! It's so cute he's says as he starts to pet it with you and checks it over for injury.

What are we gonna do with a puppy? We have a meeting with the Intel group in 3 hours.. you ask him holding the puppy a little tighter.

Well vets aren't open till later, we'll have to take him wi-

We can't take him with us! Cap will be so mad. You say butting in

Not if we hid it. He tries to bargain with you. Y/n it's a puppy we can't just leave it.

*Sighs* I could say it's in training. That might work. You say rubbing the bridge of your nose with one hand.

Would you? Please that would mean so much to me. I'll take care of it after you won't even know it's here. He says giving you the biggest puppy dog eyes.

Ky… fiinnne we'll take him with us but I need a harness. You say as you cave

Awesome! I saw a shop down the road they might have something. He says with the biggest smile as he drags you in the direction of the store.

You know Ky, I'd.. I'd like to go to Paris with you in our free time. You say with a slight blush.

Kyle stops dragging you and turns to you. I'd love that. He says as he kisses your forehead. Let's go get this pupper a harness.

A/N: aaahhhh I'm sorry if this isn't quite what you wanted or if it is that's great. I hope you like it and I hope everyone enjoys it.

[ivarlover]

UNDENIABLE PART 3 (Sequel to UNLEASHED)

Alex + Modern Ivar

Mentions of Female Reader + Hvitserk

This was supposed to be just a one-shot, but the story has come alive for me, and the need to write more can't be ignored. At this point, I have no idea how many chapters this will end up consiating of. Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it! 🔥 This is the last chapter of Undeniable. However, there will be another sequel called Unexpected that I will hopefully be posting soon. After Unexpected is finished (& I have no idea how many chapters it will be), that will be the end of this roller coaster ride. This chapter has thoroughly kicked my ass! Hope it's worth it! 😘

Summary: During a hot weekend with your classmate, Alex, and his best friend, Ivar, the two of them had their own fun together. And now, it had turned into what looked like a confusing situation in the light of day. What did it all mean to them now? What would happen with their friendship? Can they move forward as friends or has all been lost? Is friends to lovers even a possibility at this point?

Inspired by a naughty conversation with a friend of mine. 😍 (You know who you are).

Warnings: This chapter: A little bit of heartache but also all the feels. Smut, Ivar being Ivar.

The sequel in general: Totally NSFW, Unprotected anal sex (male receiving), oral, male to male contact and more, heartbreak, and a bad case of the feels, and smut, with me, there is ALWAYS smut 🤣

Please leave a comment and let me know what you think!

*LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT ON OR OFF OF THE TAG LIST*

Words: I don't know; there are many, many words 🤣

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It was finally here. The after-party was scheduled to begin in almost an hour, and there were already people arriving. You didn't know who the newlyweds were, but you were certain they had more money than you were accustomed to. They'd rented out the entire bar for only their guests, so it was closed to the public.

You watched as the bouncers continued to turn people away and how sad they looked learning they couldn't enter for a second night in a row. You couldn't help but to feel proud knowing your friends had accomplished this, of course, with your help. "I can't thank you enough for your help tonight, Y/N. Looks like we're going to need as much as we can get. Did you see how many people are already here?" Alex buzzed passed you, headed for more champagne.

"Alex, you're very welcome, but remember, you're the boss. Let us help and you, I don't know, you just stand here and look pretty. I got this. Which table gets the champagne?" He smiled his flirty smile at you and told you which table. "Yes, sir," you smiled back and headed toward the table.

"Y/N?"

"Yes?" you replied.

"I like it when you call me sir."

"Oh my God!" you blushed and punched him playfully in the chest.

"Nah, seriously, Y/N, thank you," he grinned proudly, "For everything."

You shrugged and went to work. It was almost weird for you, thinking about that hot weekend you'd had with him and Ivar. It was great but so much had changed so fast and now, all you really wanted was for him to be happy with Ivar like you knew he could be, like you knew he wanted. You made a mental note to have a heart to heart discussion with Ivar as soon as you found the chance. Alex and you had become really close friends really fast and you were determined to sort out this mess the two of them had made.

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"So much for me standing and looking pretty, huh?" Alex said as the two of you ended up at the bar at the same time for the first time all night. He was washing glasses beside you. "Damn, I think we needed more help."

"No. It's ok. Don't freak out now. Look at the time. We're almost at the end. Everyone is happy and having a good time," you reassured him.

"This has been one hell of a night! It's a good thing we closed the place to the public. There's no way we would have had enough space for more people," Alex laughed.

"Oh fuck!" Your heart completely stopped.

"What? Oh God, what is it?" Alex panicked.

You just pointed to the door. Ivar and Hvitserk were standing just inside it and you could see Hvitserk standing in front of him, clearly trying to hold him back. Ivar flung his arms around and shoved Hvitserk out of his way. He headed toward the bar and he made eye contact with you. He had a murderous look across his face that appeared to be directed at you and Alex.

"What the fuck is wrong with him? Doesn't he know how big this event is?" Alex was frozen in his spot.

"I got this. You go get Hvitserk and keep him with you. He doesn't even need to be in here!" You walked into the crowd and stopped in front of Ivar. "Ivar, this is not the time or the place."

"What's it fucking to you?" He slurred his words a little and as you got closer to him, you could smell alcohol on his breath. Just great. You had no idea what he was like when he's drunk or what he was capable of.

You began, a little sweeter than before. "Ivar, look around you. This place is full of people. People who paid you guys good money to be here. Don't ruin their wedding night. You know Alex will talk to you. Just wait until we close up later tonight and you sober up some."

He looked at you straight in the eyes and said one word, "No!" He managed to walk around you, or stumble was more like it, and went straight to where Alex stood at the bar, headed to Hvitserk.

You gave Alex an apologetic smile and went to Hvitserk yourself, praying the whole way that at least he was sober.

"So, that's it? We're done? It's all over before it even begins?" Ivar's voice was so harsh and cold.

Alex looked at him, sadly, "Ivar, are you drunk?"

"No, I'm not fucking drunk! I'm pissed! Answer my damn question, Alex!" As he got louder, people around them began to stare. "It's seriously all over before it even begins?"

Alex tried to calm him. He wasn't sure how to answer him in this state. "Ivar, let's go talk in the back and I..."

"Fuck no! Answer me here!"

Alex had seen him like this before, just never had it directed at him. He spoke quietly. "Ivar, we don't know what the future holds, but you have to recognize the timing is not in our favor right now."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

Alex dropped his head. After the last couple of weeks he'd had, he couldn't believe he was shutting this down. "Ivar, please. Can we talk later? When everyone has left from here?"

Even in his drunken stuper, Ivar recognized the pain in Alex's face and he suddenly felt bad. Just as he was going to apologize, you and Hvitserk walked up.

"Hey, Ivar," you said, "Want to go with me to the office?" He looked at you with a funny smile. "Oh my God! No! Jesus! I meant for you to get some rest until everyone is gone."

He laughed and looked at Alex, who still seemed taken back by this entire situation. "Umm, yeah sure. I guess so," he answered, thinking only of Alex now.

As you walked him toward the office, you playfully smacked him in the shoulder and said, "You're such a pervert."

"Hey, I wasn't sure what you were offering," he replied and you punched him this time.

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"What the hell was that all about?" Hvitserk asked Alex as you and Ivar walked away.

Alex smiled. "Umm, long story. For another time."

"Right. Something tells me I don't even want to know."

"Yeah, probably not," Alex answered, laughing. Then he saw the serious look across Hvitserk's face. "What is it?"

"I'm just trying to figure things out here. How did you manage to make my baby brother so angry with you and yet so into you all at the same time?"

"Wait. What?" Alex was floored. He stumbled over his words, "I, I, umm, did no such a thing! Why would you even say that? You know we've been best friends for years, Hvitserk."

"Yes, I do, but this, this is more than just best friends. I've never seen him like that over any woman and Alex, you know he's been in love with one before." You both grimaced at the memory of her. "This is way deeper than friendship."

Alex tried to keep his composure. "You've never seen him act like what? I really don't know what you're talking about. He's not into me. He's just drunk."

Hvitserk was persistent, "Alex, you can knock off that innocent act with me. I know something happened with you guys, and don't worry. It doesn't bother me. As long as he's happy, I'm happy. And he is convinced he'll be happy with you."

Alex stood there in shock for a minute, trying to decide how best to answer. "Wow! I wasn't expecting that. Look, I'm not going to violate his trust like that. All I will say is our friendship took a turn that neither of us were expecting at all and now, we're just trying to navigate through the changes. It's difficult, Hvitserk."

"It's not, actually, Alex. When you feel that strongly about someone, that's major. You don't just let them slip away from you so easily. Especially if your feelings are as deep as his seem to be. All he talked about to me all afternoon was you and how he may have fucked up the first real, true thing he's ever found. I don't need details, man. I just need you to fix this. There's no reason the two of you should be suffering like this when you both clearly want the same thing. And if it's mom, don't worry about her. He can handle her. I promise you that."

"I, umm, I really don't know what to say." Hvitserk was one of the last people that Alex had ever expected to be so insightful or accepting of everything.

"You don't need to say anything, man. Not to me, at least. Just promise me you'll talk to him before you leave tonight."

Just as Alex started to answer, you walked up. "He pretty much passed out as soon as his head hit the sofa," you laughed, looking at the two of them. "Alex, you have to talk to him. Tonight."

"Ok, ok already. The two of you don't need to gang up on me! I plan on talking to him. I want to even," Alex smiled at their genuine concern.

You turned to Hvitserk, "Now, I can give you a ride home." Then you turned to Alex, "It's ok, right? I'll be right back. And don't worry, Hvitserk, Alex will be sure Ivar gets back home." You smiled.

Hvitserk put his hand up, "No, I'm fine. I don't want to leave. I'd really like to stay here with you guys. I can even help out with whatever you need." You and Alex both gave him a confused look. "Seriously, guys, it's not the alcohol that I have a problem with. It's umm, it's drugs. When I'm high is the only time I ever want to drink. You can ask Ivar. He understands this now. He drank most of the evening in front of me and it didn't bother me. It's my mom who didn't want to leave yet. She wanted to be sure I am seriously ok. Although, Y/N, I wouldn't mind you giving me 'that ride' a little later." He gave you that same shit eating grin of Ivar's.

"Oh my God! You're horrible!" You playfully smacked him on his arm.

"Yeah, but something tells me you like it," he continued to smile as you began to blush. Of course, he was right. There was definitely something about these Lothbrok boys that you couldn't get enough of.

"Ok, ok. Sorry to break up the relentless flirting, but we still have work to do," Alex interrupted them. "Hvitserk, if you're sure Ivar won't disown me for letting you stay, we definitely could use the extra help."

"I'm sure. Where do you want me, boss?" Alex rolled his eyes and put him and you to work but not before giving you very specific instructions to watch out for him, while he went to the back for more bottles of alcohol.

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The night was finally winding down. It had been almost two hours since Ivar had came in demanding answers from Alex and the place was thinning out. You had checked in on Ivar a few times and he'd just smiled and waved you off. Alex had sent you and Hvitserk to close off a section of the bar and begin having people move to the other side of the bar.

Alex was behind the bar, throwing out empty bottles. He was smiling at the success the evening had been. He'd just had the DJ do a last call and was happy that they'd be closing soon. He was more tired than he'd expected to be.

One of the bartenders alerted Alex that the office door was open so Alex told her, "I bet someone thought it was a bathroom. I'll be right back." He needed to go check that everything was ok with Ivar and to close the door back.

To his surprise, just as he got to the end of the bar, he ran straight into Ivar. It was like colliding with a brick wall. He'd forgotten just what a muscular body Ivar had. He wasn't sure how in the hell he'd forgotten but this was a nice, shocking reminder. "Oh, um, hey. I, uh, I was just headed to check on you."

"What for?" Ivar's voice was cold, but he was definitely sober now. Staring, his eyes piercing through Alex's, he asked, "If everything is over before it even began, then why bother?"

Alex felt sweat beads on his forehead. He looked up at Ivar and blushed when he saw just how sexy Ivar looked, even with his anger directed at him. "Ivar, umm, it..."

Ivar interrupted him before he could finish, "It wasn't over at all, was it?" He walked closer to Alex, pushing Alex backwards against the wall. He placed his left hand on the wall beside Alex's head. Alex panicked, not having a clue what was coming next. "And it still isn't over." He placed his right hand on Alex's cheek. Before Alex could say a word, he leaned in, pressing his body against Alex's, breathing heavily into Alex's stunned face and grazed his lips against Alex's, just lightly kissing him. He slowly pulled away and looked at Alex for reassurance. Alex's face was shocked but his lips were still puckered up and slightly parted, clearly waiting for more, as he leaned toward Ivar, chasing the kiss.

Alex was in a complete daze. Ivar leaned in again and tenderly kissed Alex on his lips once more, his heart racing, his chest heaving, his feelings undeniable. He kissed Alex as if it were the first time and the last time. As their lips pressed together heatedly, he couldn't get enough of this feeling that surged through his veins, this feeling of contentment, of overjoy. He held Alex's face between his hands as they became completely lost in eachother. They were the only ones in the room, hell, in the world. Nothing else mattered, nothing else existed, just the two of them and this loving, sensual kiss shared between them.

That is, until the clapping they heard from behind them. Ivar slowly pulled away from Alex and looked around, stunned. Several staff members and even a few guests were clapping and whistling and making cat calls. Alex immediately blushed, feeling the heat rushing to his face.

A little embarrassed, Ivar dropped his head. He looked back at Alex and then decided to make the best of it. He turned back to everyone and bowed before them and said, "'Thank you. Thank you, guys. Now, the show's over." He leaned back, laughing and a few people clapped again before going on about their business.

He grabbed Alex's hands and turned to look him straight in the eyes. Ivar then said to him, "Umm, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so umm, well, forward here in front of everyone but I couldn't help myself. I'm scared as hell to want you, so, so scared, but here I am, wanting you more and more every day. And umm, I'm, umm, I'm even more scared to lose you. How I feel is undeniable, Alex, and I can't do this to myself anymore." His eyes began to water and he dropped his head. His palms were sweaty. The anticipation of what Alex's response would be was almost too much to bear.

Squeezing Ivar's hands, Alex stared at Ivar in complete disbelief. He hadn't expected any of this. He'd really thought that giving Ivar space had really been what he wanted and needed. He put two fingers under Ivar's chin and pulled his head up to face him. "Hey, my feelings are actually undeniable, too, Ivar."

Alex felt a sense of relief run all through his body. He leaned to Ivar and closing the small gap between them, kissed him back quickly and then pulled away from him almost just as quickly as it had began. "Will you come back to my place when we're finished here so we can really talk? Just the two of us? And no interruptions. We have an audience here and I'd really rather talk when it's just the two of us." He then looked over Ivar's shoulders. "That is if Y/N can keep an eye on Hvitserk for you. I'm sure she wouldn't mind. Look," and he pointed across the bar, behind Ivar.

When Ivar turned around, he saw you and Hvitserk on the other side of the bar, making out. He laughed and turned back to Alex, "He's always in competition with me." Alex laughed. "Yes, Alex, I'd really like to talk with you more when we're finished here. We have lots to discuss, I guess, huh?"

"Great! Guess I should get to work then," Alex finally exhaled. He hadn't realized that he'd pretty much been holding his breath, maybe for the last two weeks even. He didn't know what would happen, but he felt better than he'd felt since that weekend at your place.

"Ok, where do you need me?" Ivar asked and Alex put him to work out on the floor as he went back to working behind the bar.

The bartender who he'd spoken to earlier smiled at him. "What?" Alex asked her.

"Umm, nothing."

"That's not nothing. What are you all smiles about?"

"Umm, well, it's about time," she answered.

"That?" Alex really had no idea what she meant.

"Well, we've all been watching you two for some time now. We knew it was just a matter of time before the two of you got together. And I, personally, am glad."

Completely shocked, Alex asked her, "What? Are you serious? Is that what the clapping was all about?"

"Yes!"

"How did you all even know?" He was extremely surprised.

"Can I speak freely?"

"Of course," he answered her, placing the glasses back in their spot.

"Well, I think, literally, everyone knew except for the two of you, of course. Just the way you guys treat each other and speak to each other. True relationship goals, ya know? It's rather sweet. And since I know you both so well, it makes me very happy. The two of you deserve it," she patted him on the back. "So, do whatever you need to make it work. Something tells me you won't regret it, Alex."

Alex let that soak in as he finished up behind the bar. Had they been that obvious? Seemed like nearly everyone around them had noticed except for themselves. Apparently, neither of them were particularly good at hiding their emotions. He smiled to himself as he thought of it all and continued cleaning.

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They were finally in the car ride back to Alex's place. You had all too eagerly agreed to see to it that Hvitserk got home safely and all but jumped on Alex and Ivar for suggesting it.

The event had went well. The couple had thanked Alex and Ivar and said they were putting in a word for them with some of their well known associates. Only good things could come from this evening and it certainly called for a celebration.

Although, the Uber ride to Alex's was kind of quiet. Alex looked over and watched Ivar looking out the window and wondered what he was thinking. He tried not to be a paranoid idiot but he couldn't help it. What if he was having second thoughts about everything? What if the staff in the bar had embarrassed him and he realized this was something he couldn't do? Alex knew Y/N had been right about the need for them to defend anything that may happen between them. Maybe it would be too much for Ivar. He wanted to ask him about it but he didn't want to begin a conversation like that in the Uber.

As if instinctively knowing what was going through Alex's mind, or maybe just from feeling him stare, Ivar looked over to Alex. He saw the concerned look on Alex's face and just placed his hand on top of Alex's, that was sitting in the seat between them, and gave it a gentle squeeze. He sweetly smiled at Alex and said, "We've come a long way umm, since that first night, umm, that we opened the bar, Alex. I'm so happy where we've ended up so far and umm, extremely excited to see what happens from here." He winked at Alex and Alex couldn't help but smile with relief.

Well, that was obviously nothing to do with the bar and everything to do with their current situation. Alex took a mental note to try to stop expecting the worst. He knew it would be a challenge but he also knew he just needed to let go of his fears.

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Once they were inside Alex's place, he kicked his shoes off at the door and headed to the kitchen. "Hey, would you like beer, wine, or liquor? I think we've earned ourselves a celebration, don't you?"

Ivar loved that he still felt so welcomed as he took his jacket off and hung it up by the door. "I'll take a beer," he answered, following behind Alex. "And did my pig of a brother eat all of that pizza last night or do you still have some? I'm actually a little hungry."

"There's definitely still pizza. I'm not sure why Y/N ordered so much for just two of us but I guess it's a good thing she did because I'm kind of hungry, too," Alex answered, pulling the pizza and two beers from the refrigerator. "Help yourself. You know where the plates and everything are. I have got to go take a shower before I can feel comfortable enough to eat or even talk at this point."

Ivar looked at him, smiling. "What?" Alex asked him.

"Nothing. Umm, I'm just glad it's still the same with us," Ivar blushed a little.

"I'd have it no other way, Ivar. And umm, if you want a shower when I'm done, you're more than welcomed."

"Aww, you mean I have to wait for you to finish first?" Ivar flirted. Alex gave him a serious look that said now wasn't the time to be naughty. Ivar coughed and straightened up, "I'm umm, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, man."

"It's ok. I'm not uncomfortable. I umm, I just feel like we really need to have that talk. I'll be back. Please, make yourself at home."

As Ivar set about warming his pizza, he thought about the conversation they desperately needed to have. His palms were sweaty and his heart was racing. For a moment, he felt more nervous about this than he had about being intimate with Alex and he knew that definitely said a lot. However, he knew he could do it. He had to get everything out in the open and off of his chest.

Ivar went ahead and warmed up Alex's food, too, and set their plates on the table. He got himself another beer and went to put some music on in the living room. The silence was deafening to him right now.

Just as he was finishing his second beer, Alex came through in sweats and a white t-shirt. As Ivar looked over to him, he realized just how much he liked this look on Alex. "Hey, I've already got your plate here at the table with mine. Come eat."

Alex looked at Ivar's still very full plate. He asked, as he sat down with him, "Why haven't you eaten your food yet?"

"Well, I knew you wouldn't be too long so I just figured I'd wait for you." Ivar warmly smiled.

They ate and talked about the after party and all the highlights of the evening. They discussed Y/N and Hvitserk and laughed at how into you he seemed to be. They laughed and drank and talked a little about almost everything. Everything except for the one thing they needed to. It seemed the elephant in the room couldn't get any bigger.

Alex stood up to take the plates to the sink and Ivar stopped him. "I've got this. You've already worked too hard tonight."Alex gave him a curious look. "Don't look at me like that. Go. Go get comfortable on the sofa and rest your feet. I said I've got this."

Holding his hands up in mocked defeat, Alex played, "Ok, ok. You've got it. I understand. And Ivar, thank you."

Alex went to the sofa as instructed and waited for Ivar to join him, mind wandering out of control.

Moments later, Ivar sat down beside Alex with two more beers. Handing one to Alex, he smiled softly. They sat there in silence for a few minutes with nothing but soft music playing in the background.

Alex felt nervous and glanced over at Ivar only to find him nervously glancing back at him. At the same time, they both began to speak.

"Alex,"

"Ivar,"

Simultaneously saying each other's name, they laughed. "Do you mind if I go first, Alex? I really need to say what's eating away at me. Umm, before I lose my nerve."

Alex gestured to Ivar, "The floor's all yours."

Alex shifting in his seat, Ivar's voice small, Ivar began, as he looked straight into Alex's eyes. "Alex, I know I already said this, but I am truly sorry for hurting you. It really wasn't my intentions. That night," he dropped his head and swallowed thickly. Clearing his throat and looking back at Alex, he continued, "That night at Y/N's everything took me by surprise. You've always meant the world to me so I never thought anything about it. And when you first touched me," Ivar coughed, "I felt a surge of emotions. And umm, I decided to listen to Y/N. She was right. As soon as I got out of my head, she was right. But Alex, I certainly wasn't expecting everything else." He stopped, trying to gather his thoughts to be sure he expressed himself the way he wanted to.

Alex felt uncertain of where this was going but he sat back and waited, giving Ivar the time he needed. It was worth it. Ivar was worth it.

Ivar sighed and began again. "Forgive me, Alex. I just don't want to fuck this up. I, umm, I was so confused. I've been with other people before. You know this. Even with women who meant a lot to me. But you and I, we connected on a level that I've never experienced before in my life. Sure, the sex was amazing," he blushed, and sweat beads began to form on his forehead, "But I never expected the emotions that came along with it. It confused me. It scared me. It..." he was cut off.

Alex interrupted him, "It's ok, Ivar. You don't have to..."

Ivar reached up and gently placed his finger over Alex's mouth. "Shhh," he smiled. He scooted closer to Alex and grabbed both of his hands and held them in his lap, rubbing his thumbs over the back of them. Alex's heart rate sped up so quickly, he was sure Ivar could feel it in his hands. "It terrified me, Alex, and I'm still terrified but, umm, now I know why. I-I'm terrified to actually love someone this much, much more than I've ever loved anyone else before, and there be the possibility that the feelings are not mutual."

He placed his hand on Alex's cheek as a single tear ran down it that he caught and wiped away. "I'm terrified of what it means to give myself to you wholeheartedly, heart, mind, body, and soul, and maybe be rejected in return. I'm terrified to love you, Alex, and the possibility of losing you over it, but, umm, Alex," he slid closer to Alex on the sofa and leaned in closer to his face and held it between both of his hands, staring deeply into his eyes, "I'm even more terrified of walking out that door without ever trying to give us a shot, without ever telling you how I feel. Because that's just it. I love you, Alex. I'm in love with you. I know that now. My feelings for you are undeniable. I love you, and I've always loved you. I want to shout it from the rooftops! I can't hide it any longer. I have never felt like this about anyone else in my life before, Love. When I'm with you I feel like I'm whole, like that empty, black hole in my heart is finally full. I've never known love this pure before, Alex. I want to share my everything with you!"

Ivar was trembling all over. He couldn't remember another time when he'd been this completely scared to his core or this vulnerable to another. He was a ball of emotions as a tear began to roll down his cheeks.

Alex sat in silence for a moment, trying to take it all in. He was in a daze and completely stunned at Ivar's admission. This was intense and probably even more intimate than he and Ivar had been yet. He knew just how big this was for him, for them. He worried his heart would burst from his chest before he could could even say anything. He tried to gather his thoughts and make some coherent response. He stared blankly at Ivar, missing the panic as it stretched across Ivar's face.

Ivar took his silence as rejection and began to pull away from Alex immediately, his heart beginning to crumble. "Oh. Umm," he dropped his hands from Alex's face and his body stiffened, "Alex, I'm umm, fuck, I-I'm sorry. I'll umm, I'll go..."

Just then, it registered with Alex what Ivar thought was happening. As Ivar's eyes began to water up even more, Alex placed his hands on either side of his face and pulled him to him. His soft lips reaching Ivar's, his kiss cut Ivar off in mid sentence. He tenderly kissed Ivar, it taking a moment for Ivar to catch up to what was happening and kiss him back. Alex's hands quickly wrapped around Ivar's shoulders, and he held him tightly as he pulled away from their kiss and buried his face in Ivar's neck.

He stayed there for a moment, breathing Ivar in, before pulling away and facing him. He saw Ivar's worried look and said, "Ivar, you don't know how relieved I am." He moved a strand of Ivar's hair away from his face. "Ivar, umm, I-I am in love with you, too. I love you more than anything in this world," he smiled warmly. "And umm," Alex dropped his head as he felt the blush color his face, "I've known it for quite some time."

Ivar was just as stunned as Alex had been. His heart swelled in his chest and bubbled over into tears that steady streamed down his face. He tried to catch his breath as he spoke, "Alex, oh my God. Alex, I never knew. Are we really this fucking lucky?" He cupped Alex's cheek in complete disbelief and smiled through his tears, finally taking a deep breath. "I can't remember the last time I was this fucking happy. I have been so fucking scared I was going to lose you over this."

He pulled Alex in for a tight hug and they could feel the hard thumping of their combined heartbeat. They sat, reveling in eachother's arms for several minutes before Alex finally spoke.

Alex laughed and said, "We've really tortured eachother these last two weeks, huh?"

Ivar broke their embrace and looked Alex in the eyes and said, "Alex, promise me that whatever happens from here on out, wherever we end up, we will always be honest to eachother about everything. We're going to have big enough issues defending our love fron the very beginning so as long as we have open communication, that's one less thing to worry about." Alex smiled at him with pride.

"Oh wait. Fuck! I'm sorry, Alex. I just automatically assumed that we'd be together after all of this. I realize I should ask you how you feel about any of that. So," Ivar combed through his hair nervously with his hand, "Where does this leave us? What's next for us?" Ivar was still so nervous. This seriously was all so new.

Alex smiled at him. "Ivar, I am all yours. I love you, and I want nothing more than to be with you. Officially. That is, if you'll have me." Alex couldn't help the singe of fear that coursed through his veins. He knew what Ivar had just told him but it almost seemed too good to be true. He was still insanely scared.

Ivar's smile stretched widely across his face, "Of course I want to be with you, too! 'If I'll have you,' " he mocked Alex, "Are you serious? I'll happily "have" you," he gave his devilish grin, "In every way possible, Alex."

Alex blushed but leaned in to kiss Ivar again. Just as he deepened the kiss, Ivar pulled away from him. "Umm, Alex? This is going to sound kind of twisted coming from me, I know, but.."

Alex interrupted him, "I like you twisted, preferably twisted naked between my sheets," he gave a mischievous smile.

Ivar couldn't help but smile back at that. "I'm serious, Alex. I-I umm, I feel like maybe we should take things a little slow."

Alex gave Ivar a gentle kiss on his forehead before pulling away to rest his forehead on Ivar's. "What worries you, Ivar? We've already went all the way. We know we connect in the bedroom as well. Am I missing something?" He tried not to panic before hearing Ivar's reasoning but it was definitely easier said than done.

"Well," Ivar began, "It's not necessarily that I'm worried. I can't even believe I'm going to say this, but umm, I just want to be sure that everything isn't based solely on sex. We have so many new aspects of our relationship to explore and develop and I want to build our emotional connection as well as the physical one. You see the best in me and I want to give you my very best."

Ivar gently placed his hand on Alex's cheek and Alex could feel his warm hand trembling. "I need you to know that I have never had that kind of sexual experience before. And I don't just mean by being with a man, Alex," he grinned. "I've never felt so connected on such a deep level, especially not during sex. It was quite intense and some of the best sex I've ever had." He felt himself blushing but continued, "And Alex, I want that to be the same in other aspects of our relationship, too. I want to spend my days doing nothing but making you happy and showing you how much I truly, deeply love you."

Ivar looked at Alex for understanding and followed up, "I just wanted to be sure you know this has nothing to do with our sex not being fulfilling because it is, more than words can properly explain. I just want to also express my love for you in other ways as well and think we should just take our time."

This was a first for Ivar. He shocked himself at just how true this feeling was and even more that he was so openly and honestly telling Alex, but this was the very reason he wanted to be with Alex. He knew he wouldn't be judged for being so honest. For one of the very few times in his life, sex wasn't the priority and this was why he knew that this immense feeling was real.

Alex grabbed Ivar's hand, still pressed against his cheek, and pulled it to his mouth. He gently kissed the back of it before looking back at Ivar. "And this, my dearest Ivar, is exactly why I love you so. You always look out for me, for us. You just want what's best for us and I appreciate that. Of course, I'm ok taking things slow," he felt his heart was going to explode out of his chest. "However, it may be a little difficult sometimes," he said as his eyes quickly scanned over Ivar's hard body, "Because, damn! Look at you," he gave his best flirty smile. He hadn't been ready for Ivar to say all of this and he'd be lieing if he said he wasn't blown away by it. He leaned over, hugged Ivar, and kissed him on his cheek.

Ivar felt better having said everything he needed to. He was still in disbelief that this was real. He looked at Alex, who was still smiling from ear to ear even though he still had a look of worry on his face. "So? What's that concered look on your face, still?"

As Alex pulled away, he answered him, "Ivar, I do have a question. What about your mom? And what about everything with Hvitserk? That's why I stopped everything last night. Your mom was clearly way too perceptive and was not happy about what she suspected. I know you have a lot of responsibility right now with your family, and I understand that. I just don't want to make things even harder on you, Ivar. I'd hate for you to resent me."

Giving a gentle, sweet smile, Ivar began, "Alex, that's so sweet of you but please, don't worry about my mom. When she sees how happy I am with you, she'll be fine with it. It may take her a minute to adjust but she honestly just wants her boys to be happy. And for whatever reason, if she can't accept you as my choice, then she'll quickly realize how serious I am about you because I definitely won't lose you over her prejudices. This is my life and she'll have to accept that. Don't worry."

Alex's eyes widened at Ivar's words. He was a bit surprised but he'd be lying if he didn't admit that he was really relieved. "What about Hvitserk, Ivar? I know he needs you right now."

"Hvitserk is the reason I got my nerve to come to the club tonight. He understands and just wants me to be happy. His problem is controllable and he will probably stay with me for a while even once mom returns home. He needs to make new friends and stay away from those losers back home. He will be ok, Alex. It's just, being with mom makes him a little crazy. I'm sure you can see why," Ivar laughed. "Being here will be good for him. Don't worry about him. I promise I could never resent you." Ivar smiled sincerely. He could hear Alex's sigh of relief. "So? What next?"

Alex grabbed the TV control from the table, "I was tired, but now I'm wide awake. If you're not sleepy yet, how about a little Netflix and chill? Do you need another beer?"

Ivar smiled with pride, happy to see their relationship was otherwise the same as always, "No, I'm good with this one still."

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Alex settled on the sofa, and they found a good movie to watch. Ivar looked over to him and decided to move closer. He rested his head on Alex's shoulder and looked up at him, "Is this ok?" he asked.

"Of course it is," Alex responded, kissing Ivar on top of his head and his arm coming to rest around Ivar's shoulders. Holding him snug, they cuddled together in front of the TV.

They began watching the movie, and it all just felt so natural for them to be together this way.

As he felt Ivar's breath against his his chest and Ivar's muscles beneath his shirt as he gently rubbed his back, Alex was a little too distracted to really pay much attention to the movie, but he didn't say anything. The feeling was nice.

After a few minutes, Ivar looked up to Alex, smiled sweetly, and just stared.

"What? Do I have food on my face or something?" Alex laughed.

"No," Ivar laughed, "It's nothing. I-I'm just happy," he smiled a smile that melted Alex's heart.

Alex couldn't resist that smile and placed his left hand under Ivar's chin and pulled his face up some toward him and leaned down, and kissed him. It was a gentle, quick kiss, and he pulled away from Ivar.

Ivar felt a little dizzy as if he'd been spinning in circles. He sat up beside Alex and looked over to him, his heartbeat quickening. Alex looked back at him, "Seriously, what is it? What?"

Ivar leaned over Alex's body and, with his right hand, pulled Alex's face closer to him and kissed him back passionately. It was slow at first but rapidly changed to a more heated kiss, his hands roaming down Alex's chest.

Reluctantly, Alex pulled away from him. "Hey, as much as I love this, I think we need to stop. I want to respect your wishes, Ivar, and I'm not so sure I can if you continue kissing me like that."

Feeling heat surge through his body, Alex straightened up and sat back on the sofa a little futher away from Ivar so he could catch his breath, desperately trying to ignore how he was feeling. "Umm, what is this movie even about again?" he nervously laughed.

Ivar sat there in his thoughts for a moment. He looked over at Alex, who was fumbling with the remote control. The more he watched him, the more he was sure of his next actions.

He slid over on the sofa closer to Alex yet again. Alex looked at him out of the corner of his eyes, trying not to be affected by his proximity.

"Oh, fuck this!" Ivar practically cried out. He leaned over to Alex and grabbed him with both hands, pulling him so close that he could feel the heat radiating from Alex's skin. Ivar's heart raced with anticipation as he quickly picked Alex up before Alex even knew what was happening, and swiftly sat him in his own lap so that Alex was straddling him and facing him

Alex's eyes widened as he was completely caught off guard by Ivar's strength. "What the..." and before he could finish his sentence, Ivar's lips crashed into his, his hand going to the back if Alex's neck and holding him firmly. They embraced as the kiss intensified, Ivar's arm wrapping tightly around Alex's waist.

Alex broke the kiss and leaned away from Ivar. Confused, he brought his hand to Ivar's cheek and began, "Ivar, I thought you said you wanted to take things slowly. I can't be with you this way and not want more. You.. umm, you're just too much for me to resist." Feeling defeated, he looked down.

Ivar looked up at him, catching his eye again, and flashed his devilish grin. "Good!" he laughed. "I can't resist you, either, love. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking saying we should take things slowly. Fuck that! I want you. Now." His eyes had an almost pleading look in them as he waited for Alex's response.

Excitedly, Alex grinned, "Then, take me. I'm all yours."

Ivar didn't hesitate for another moment. He grabbed Alex on his hips and squeezed. His hands then slowly traveled up Alex's sides and back to his waist, giving him goosebumps. He slipped his hands just under Alex's shirt and marveled for a moment at Alex's hard, muscular chest as his hands explored it. "Damn, Alex. You have so many muscles. I want to count them."

Alex looked down at him quizzically. Ivar smiled and answered his questioning look, "With my tongue."

Alex dropped his head backward, laughing but quickly stopped and looked back to Ivar as he felt Ivar lift his shirt up. Leaning forward, Ivar placed his hot, wet lips on Alex's stomach, just beside his navel, and began to softly kiss him. Alex felt buttflies doing somersaults with each kiss from Ivar's moist lips.

Looking up at Alex, into his eyes, Ivar pushed his shirt up higher and trailed his tongue slowly up Alex's chest behind his shirt, all the while, never losing their eye contact. "Damn, I lost count of your muscles. I'm not very good at math. Guess I'll have to try again."

"Oh fuck!" Alex placed both of his hands on Ivar's head and intertwined his fingers in his hair. He gave a little tug and Ivar bit him on his nipple. Alex moaned out in erotic pleasure.

In his most sultry voice, Ivar said, "That's it, love. Let me know you like it."

"You've ruined me. I was a good boy," Alex panted, "That is before we started all this."

Ivar pulled his mouth slightly away from Alex's skin. "Oh? I can stop then," he teased.

"No the fuck you can't!"

Ivar nodded, "That's what I thought." He yanked Alex's t-shirt up and completely off of him and dropped it in the floor as Alex shivered. "Now, where were we?"

Once again, Ivar began tracing Alex's muscles with his tongue. He looked up at Alex who was struggling to sit still in his lap. He grabbed him by his waist and held him tightly as Alex moaned. Ivar pulled Alex until he was leaning over him, his chest heaving, and he began kissing Alex's collarbone up to his neck. As he gave a gentle nibble, he felt Alex's entire body jolt in his hands. "Fuck! Take me, Ivar!" Alex panted. "You're driving me crazy. I.. fuck, I want you so badly. Now!"

Alex began to untie his sweats and Ivar removed his mouth from his neck and placed his hand over Alex's, stopping him. "No, not here, love." Alex looked at him, confused. "Hold onto me," Ivar began to slide forward to the edge of the sofa and Alex wrapped his arms tightly around him, not sure what Ivar was doing. Ivar placed his hands under Alex and before Alex knew what was even happening, Ivar stood up.

"Oh hell!" Alex exclaimed, his heart beating harder from the excitement and his legs interlocking around Ivar's hips. Ivar smiled and began to take a step. "You sure I'm not too heavy? You, you don't need me to walk?"

Ivar flashed his devious smile, "Where's the fun in that?" Alex gulped and before he knew it, Ivar slammed him against the living room wall that was behind them.

"Holy shit!" Alex gasped.

Still holding onto Alex tightly, Ivar pressed his body against Alex's and his lips ghosted over Alex's mouth, breathing him in. Ivar signed in enjoyment. Alex's eyes rolled into the back of his head as his back arched. Ivar began kissing up his neck again, sending chills all over Alex's body. Alex pulled Ivar's shirt up and gently caressed his hard body, reveling in the feel of it.

Ivar slowly made his way to Alex's mouth and sucked Alex's tongue into his own mouth as Alex whimpered. The kiss took his breath away. Somehow, everything felt different than the last time, more passionate, more intimate and Alex was taken back at this realization. He wasn't quite sure what it was or why, but he was enjoying every second of it.

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With his hands still tightly on Alex's ass, Ivar broke their kiss, nearly out of breath. "As much as I'm enjoying my hands full of ass here, I need to touch you. Are you holding onto me tightly enough?"

Alex studdered, "I..Ivar, this really isn't necessary. I, umm, I can walk."

"Shut up and hold on!" IvaYr demanded. With Alex still in his arms, Ivar swiftly pulled Alex off of the wall and began to walk with ease again, headed toward Alex's room. Alex eyes widened. He was blown away by Ivar's strength. He always knew he was strong, but this was insane.

As Ivar approached Alex's bed, he leaned over it and laid Alex down with a thud. Alex looked up at him in dismay and Ivar grinned down at him. "Sorry," he nearly whispered. He hovered over Alex for a few moments, looking him deeply in his eyes but saying nothing. Alex began to squirm with anticipation and swallowed loudly. Ivar leaned back and told him, "I.. umm, I'm sorry, Alex. I need to use your restroom. Don't move. I'll be right back."

This was perfect for Alex. You had given him some of your muscle relaxing, dilating tablets that they'd used at your place, saying how he'd need them more than you and now he was certainly glad for it. He quickly crawled up his bed to his night stand and grabbed them from the drawer and the bottle of water he had sitting there from the night before and took some. He was a little surprised at how nervous he felt but his excitement was much stronger. He then laid back against pillows propped on his headboard and impatiently waited for Ivar to return.

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With both hands on each side of the bathroom sink, Ivar leaned forward and looked at himself in the mirror. What the fuck was wrong? He couldn't figure out what was going on or why his nerves were suddenly so shot. Turning the faucet on, he splashed cold water in his face and rubbed his hands over it. "Get a fucking grip, dumbass!" he said to himself, "It's just Alex."

Ivar walked back into Alex's bedroom where he saw Alex waiting on the bed, shirtless, still, and quite beautiful. He gulped as Alex looked up at him with his bedroom eyes and patted the bed beside him. "You planning on joining me or are you just going to stand there? You like what you see?" Alex flirted and smiled widely.

Ivar swallowed, "Obviously." He crawled up the bed to Ivar's side and laid beside him. His voice shaking, "I.. umm, I love you." His heart was pounding.

Alex turned to his left, facing Ivar. He moved his right arm across Ivar's body and cupped his cheek. "And I," he smiled, "Love you." He straddled Ivar and Ivar's eyes widened. Alex leaned down to kiss him while his hands found their way to the bottom of Ivar's shirt. As Alex leaned away from him, he pulled Ivar's shirt up and over his head. "We won't be needing this." He threw it somewhere behind him.

Ivar nervously smiled and placed his hands on Alex's hips. Alex looked him directly in the eyes, "It's ok. Calm down. It's just me." Ivar felt his face blush, surprised Alex had sensed his nervousness but almost relieved.

Alex leaned down and began kissing Ivar's neck. He trailed wet kisses down his neck and to his collarbone as his hands ran over his firm chest muscles.

Ivar's breathing picked up and Alex smiled as he continued with his gentle pecks. As he began kissing his chest, Ivar's hands started rubbing Alex's back.

Alex started to undo Ivar's pants as he looked up at Ivar. He saw the stressed look across his face and sat up, moving his hands away. "Hey, did you change your mind? We don't have to do this, ya know. I wont be upset."

Ivar grabbed his hands and held them. "No, that's not it. I.. I want this. I wa..want you."

"Then what is it, Ivar? Talk to me. I don't want to do anything you have seconds thoughts about." Alex's concern outweighed his desire.

"Fuck! I don't know. I just, umm, I'm nervous."

Alex smiled, "With me? Why? We know this is good." He motioned between them, "Really good, remember?" he sheepishly smiled again.

"It's just, do you know how long it's been since I've been with someone that I was in love with, Alex?"

Alex couldn't help but smile at how sweet he found Ivar's concern. Always wanting to please. He remembered how very different it was seeing this vulnerable side of Ivar and his smile softened and widened even more. Then he saw the seriousness in Ivar's eyes and tried to comfort him. Rubbing his hands, that Ivar still had in Alex's, he answered,"Yes, Ivar. It's been two weeks," and he winked.

Ivar actually smiled at this. He hadn't thought of it like that. It's just that he felt so intimidated. "I-I'm just worried that I, I'm gonna fuck it all up." He ran his hand over his face as he sighed.

Alex placed his hand over Ivar's heart. "Look. This is all that matters. The only way you can fuck this up is if you fuck me and leave me," Alex grimaced. "And you're stuck with me now. I'm not letting you leave me again. You are what matters. Not the sex. If you want to wait, we can. If you want to continue, we can. But Ivar, if we continue, you have to get out of your head. Stop worrying. My feelings for you will never change based on the quality or volume of sex we have. Or don't," Alex smiled sweetly at him, hoping he'd eased some of his worry.

"I'm sorry, love. I, umm, I guess I just needed reassurance. This is just too fucking good to be true." Alex couldn't believe how nervous Ivar was. He squeezed his hands and brought them to his mouth, kissing his knuckles.

As Ivar looked up into Alex's beautiful face, he felt his heart skip a beat. This beautiful creature sitting in his lap was actually in love with him. What had he done to deserve such an amazing person? As his eyes followed the shape of Alex's body, the definition of his chest and arm muscles, the warm smile on his face, the love he held in his eyes, his hesitation slowly began to disappear and his nervousness somewhat subsided. He knew it would still be there in the back of his mind but he was determined to ignore the small voice in his head telling him he wasn't good enough. He loved this man. He wanted this man. And he was going to show him just how much.

Just as Alex began to say something, Ivar sat straight up so he could reach Alex's lips. He put his arms underneath Alex's armpits, pulling him closer, and grabbed Alex's head from behind. Pushing his face closer, he planted a hungry kiss on Alex's mouth, sucking his lips and entering his tongue to, again, play chase with Alex's. As the moment grew more intense, Ivar couldn't believe he'd even been so worried. This is right where he was meant to be.

His courage growing, Ivar quickly turned, still holding Alex tightly against himself, and rolled Alex over onto his back, falling roughly halfway beside Alex and halfway on top of him.

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Words escaped Alex's lips as Ivar leaned over him and gently kissed him but he quickly pulled away as panic spread across his face. "Alex!" his voice cracked, "We can't do this! It's way too soon to do this without any of those tablets of Y/N's! Oh fuck! It will not be pleasant for you at all, love."

Alex laughed, pulling Ivar back to his mouth and kissed him as Ivar pulled away again. "Alex, seriously. We can't make..."

Alex placed his finger over Ivar's mouth. "Calm down, you fucking protective sweetheart!" Alex grinned, his heart bubbling over with joy at Ivar's thoughtfulness. "It's ok. Y/N gave them to me the other night! I already took them when you went to the bathroom earlier. I also have plenty of lube." He felt Ivar instantly relax.

"Aww, thank fuck," Ivar looked relieved. "You should have started with that. Next time start with that. Fuck!" He wiped the sweat from his brow, "So when will you be, umm, ready?" he shyly asked, blushing again.

Alex smiled, "I already am!"

With a smile on his face, Ivar leaned down and began softly kissing Alex on his neck. It was as if Ivar's soft lips were massaging his skin that literally felt like it was on fire, and his tongue was savoring the taste of him with every painfully slow lick.

As Ivar's wet, erotic kisses slowly traveled down to Alex's chest, he looked up to Alex and their eyes locked in a steamy hot gaze of desire. Alex felt his heart began to race as Ivar's kisses trailed lower and lower over his torso, leaving goosebumps in their wake.

Ivar placed his right hand gently on Alex's chest as just his fingertips ghosted over his hot skin. His touch was electric. Never breaking their gaze, he slowly, barely, rubbed Alex's abdomen up and down while holding his weight on his left arm and continuing with his kisses.

Alex's hands combed through Ivar's hair as one grabbed a handful and gently tugged, and the other found Ivar's shoulders and squeezed. Ivar smiled into Alex's chest as he continued lower.

As Ivar reached Alex's waist, he grabbed the drawstring to Alex's sweats with his teeth and held it in his mouth. Alex loudly gulped. Ivar began to pull the drawstring until he untied the sweats. Smiling from ear to ear, he looked up at Alex. Winking, he asked, "Do you still want me, love?"

Alex's heart began to pound and between his heavy panting, he answered, "Fuck! That was so fucking hot! I have never wanted anything or anyone more."

Ivar quickly raised himself to his knees. With Alex lifting his body from the bed, Ivar slid Alex's sweats completely off of him and instantly dropped them to the floor, licking his lips.

Alex blushed as Ivar scanned his body with his eyes. His hands automatically went to cover himself, but Ivar caught them and laid them to either side of him on the bed. "That won't be necessary, love. Trust me when I say, I like what I see," Ivar smirked.

Intertwining his fingers with Alex's, he bent Alex's arms back so that his hands were beside his head. He slowly crawled over Alex's body, their eyes locked in a gaze of pure desire, as Alex's breathing began to speed up, and his hands in Ivar's grip squeezed tightly.

As Ivar hovered over Alex, his hand slowly trailed over Alex's chest, lightly and softly grazing him with his fingertips, igniting flames of passion all over every inch of Alex's body. As he reached Alex's stomach, he broke their enchanted kiss and whispered in his ear, "You're sure you still want to do this, right?" and he nibbled Alex's ear, sending chills down his spine.

He held Alex's hands there as he leaned down to kiss Alex. Alex felt as if he would melt into the bed as their lips met with a fiery passion. The way their tongues danced together, the sensation of their lips touching and caressing eachother, the warmth of their breath on one another, and the closeness of their bodies, skin on skin, made them become as one as they were lost in the moment, consumed by their heated passion. It was as if they were the only two people in the world, and absolutely nothing else mattered at this moment.

Alex moaned, "Of course! Absolutely!"

"You know the drill. You tell me if that changes."

Alex only nodded his head, unable to speak any longer. Every touch from Ivar's warm hands to Alex's hot body felt electric to Alex.

Ivar moved his hand further down until he finally reached Alex's already hard, throbing dick. Staring directly into Alex's eyes, he wrapped his warm hand around it and gently squeezed. He began pumping his fist up and down around it while watching Alex's eyes roll into the back of his head.

Alex whimpered when Ivar leaned back down and began kissing up his neck. Breathing heavily into Alex's ear, he asked, "Where's the lube, love?"

Alex pointed to the nightstand beside his bed. Ivar removed his hand and mouth from Alex and leaned over him to the nightstand. As he did, Alex rubbed his hands down Ivar's chest, admiring the feel, to his waist. He began to undo Ivar's pants while he leaned up and licked his collar bone. Ivar jolted, and Alex smiled. He nibbled on Ivar's shoulder and his plump lips, then kissed over the marks he left. Ivar hummed in delight.

Alex began sliding Ivar's pants down and as he reveled Ivar's ass, he grabbed his cheeks and squeezed before giving his ass a slap, sending chills over Ivar's body.

Ivar helped take his pants the rest of the way off, and suddenly, he felt nervous again. "I, umm, I want to make this perfect, Alex." He felt himself beginning to panic.

Alex placed his hands on each side of Ivar's face and looking him deeply in the eyes, said, "It already is, Ivar." He softly kissed Ivar and smiled as he pulled away from him, "Shhhh, stop worrying."

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Ivar gave Alex a pillow and nervously told him, "Facing me again, ok?"

Alex placed the pillow underneath himself and laid back again. "Definitely. I have to see you."

Grinning, Ivar sat back on his knees again, in front of Alex's widespread legs, and squeezed the lube into his hands. He coated himself with the lube, spreading it, very generously, all over his very hard cock. Looking at Alex, he gave himself very slow, tantalizing strokes as Alex whimpered.

Alex bit his bottom lip as he watched. He leaned up again and softly said to Ivar, "I want a taste." Not giving Ivar an opportunity to respond, he forcefully pushed him backwards and yanked his feet out from under him.

Ivar started to protest but as he opened his mouth to speak, Alex shoved two of his fingers into Ivar's mouth. Ivar's eyes widened but he began to suck them.

Alex flinched and leaned forward to face Ivar's cock. Wasting no time, he sucked the tip of Ivar's dick into his mouth. Ivar squeezed his eyes shut and his breathing began to pick up.

Alex twirled his tongue around Ivar as Ivar began to squirm. Then Alex took as much of him as he could into his mouth and began bobbing his head up and down as his hand found the base of Ivar and started to pump up and down in sync with his mouth.

Ivar was completely consumed by the moment. His eyes rolled into the back of his head and he lost track of where he even was, conscious only of Alex. He moaned in pleasure, only urging Alex on.

Alex glanced up at Ivar and was pleased to see what his work was doing to him. Gripping Ivar tighter with his hand, he let his tongue concentrate on the tip of him while his other hand began to lightly rub his side up and down.

The sensation of Alex's tongue and lips working their magic combined with his hands on Ivar's body was too much. Ivar jolted up and pushed Alex off of him. Startled, Alex's eyes widened and his hands grasped at Ivar but Ivar quickly pushed them beside them on the bed and held himself slightly above Alex. "Love, you still want me inside you? I can't fucking take anymore of that. It's too fucking hot," Ivar practically growled.

Alex bit his lip and shook his head yes. Ivar grabbed the lube and slowly squeezed it out and let it run down Alex's butt cheeks. He smiled widely as Alex jerked from the feeling. "You like that, humm?"

Ivar placed his hand on Alex and rubbed the lube all over his entrance as Alex squirmed. Even though he was still wet from Alex's mouth, he still put more lube in his hand and lathered himself up. Looking down at Alex's red face, he asked, "Are you ready, love?"

"Fuck, yes!"

Ivar positioned himself at Alex's tight opening as he leaned over his body. He could feel the heat radiating from Alex's skin and he smiled. He slowly pushed the tip of himself into Alex and waited a moment as Alex gulped and tried to adjust. "You ok?" Ivar, ever caring, asked.

"Yes," Alex answered, placing his hands up around Ivar's neck, as he stared deeply into his eyes, fluttering around Ivar's thickness.

Ivar slowly pushed himself deeper into Alex until he finally bottomed out. He remained still for a moment, gazing into Alex's loving eyes, still not believing this was real. He wanted it to be perfect for Alex so badly and wanted Alex to know, for sure, how he felt. Pushing his nerves aside as best he could, and trying to ignore what a wreck he was, he leaned down to quickly kiss Alex and then told him, "I will seriously never get tired of this."

Alex cupped his cheek and raised up a little, and kissed him back. "Neither will I," Alex panted.

Slowly, Ivar began to rock his hips, moving back and forth inside of Alex. He held himself up on his elbows, on each side of Alex, so not to crush him and looking down at him, asked, "Is this good with you, love?"

Alex's breathing sped up as he answered, "Oh my God! Yes!"

Ivar, remembering Alex's preference from the last time they were together, pulled back to almost exit Alex altogether and then began to slam back into him, but as he made eye contact again with Alex, he felt the need to take his time and savor the moment. He moved himself back into Alex slowly, passionately, their breathing increasing, their hearts pounding, and their desire for eachother growing even more. As Ivar reached as far as he could, with the flick of his hips, he thrusted into Alex one hard time. Alex moaned out, "Damn! Do that again!" and Ivar did, never losing eye contact, making everything even more sensual.

Lost completely in eachother, they began moving together in perfect harmony, their breathing almost in sync. They locked eyecontact and interlocked their fingers in eachother's hands, squeezing tightly. The closeness and rush of emotions they each felt as they explored eachother's body with eagerness was so intense, it was almost overwhelming. With their moans of pleasure echoing in the stillness of the night, flames of passion ignited every inch of their bodies like a wildfire burning hotter and hotter, their bodies fitting together perfectly like puzzle pieces.

Ivar's long, slow thrusts into Alex were intoxicating and Alex could barely catch his breath. Alex broke their eye contact and pulled Ivar down to him and feverishly began kissing him as his hands got lost in Ivar's hair. The kiss was a long and languorous kiss that caused Ivar to jolt forward into Alex with another hard thrust. Alex whimpered into Ivar's mouth as they hungrily continued their kiss.

Skin on skin, becoming connected as one, the intensity of their passionate kiss increased. Sweat glistened over Ivar's body as his slow stroking up into Alex began to grow a bit faster and harder. Ivar's touch was electrifying on Alex's skin as he lightly trailed his fingers down Alex's side leaving goosebumps along the way.

Alex was trembling when Ivar's hand finally reached between them and found his hard, pulsating cock. Alex's heavy breathing led way to a muffled groan with the heat from Ivar's hand slowly stroking him in rhythm with his pelvis. Ivar kissed from Alex's lips to his jaw and slowly up his jawline to his ear. His voice small, "I love you," he whispered into Alex's ear and Alex thickly swallowed. Alex then wrapped his arms tightly under Ivar's arms, hands holding onto his shoulders. Using his hands on Ivar's shoulders for leverage, he thrusted into Ivar causing Ivar to moan in surprise, "Fuck!"

Alex did it a second time and Ivar dropped his head, nearly collapsing. Alex turned his head to Ivar's ear, "I love you, too."

Ivar was taken back. He couldn't remember ever exchanging those three words before during sex. As much as he'd thought he'd been in love before, now he thought maybe he hadn't been. He, at least, knew it had been absolutely nothing like this. He'd barely said it to his ex at all but definitely never like this. This was another first for him and he struggled to hold back the tears. He felt more vulnerable now than ever.

His movements slowed almost to a complete stop as he buried his face into Alex's neck. Alex, sensing the change, turned to Ivar. "Hey, hey. What's wrong, Ivar? What happened?" He rubbed his hair away from his face and kissed his cheek. "Hey, talk to me."

Still moving painfully slowly, Ivar raised his head up. Tear filled eyes stared back at Alex. "Oh, fuck! What is it? Are you ok? Look, we can stop," Alex panicked, trying to sit up and stop Ivar's movements.

"Shh, it's ok," he said softly, placing a finger over Alex's lips. "I'm just, umm, I'm happy, love. That's all. I promise. And that's as new to me as everything else." Alex looked deeply into Ivar's eyes for confirmation that he was being honest, but he could already tell he was. "Happiness, like this, is sincerely a new, new thing for me. I won't lie. I'm a wreck, Alex, but I'd really like to finish this if you still want to."

Alex was stunned. How could he tell this beautiful creature who was looking down at him so lovenly no? And so he didn't. "Of course, Ivar. I want to finish this with you. We can talk later." He pulled Ivar to him and kissed him again, barely stopping for air. He then pulled away from him and began to blush. "Umm, is there... uh, do you think..?" he stumbled over his words.

"What is it, love? What do you want?" Ivar asked, his voice dripping with concern.

"Ummm, well, do you think it's possible for me to umm, be... FUCK, on top?" Alex quickly covered his face with his hands, trying to hide his embarrassment.

The thought aroused Ivar even more and, removing Alex's hands from his face so he could see into his eyes, he shot him his devilish smile. "Oh, fuck yeah!" he gulped. "But it may be a little too painful for you."

"Umm, can we try?" Alex asked, all too eager.

"Of course." Ivar was so excited, he'd already forgotten about how tight his chest felt, all lost in his emotions. He decided to focus on the physical aspect of it all, knowing he could pick apart every one of his feelings later. He hadn't expected this emotional roller coaster but the excitement he felt now took over. He slowly pulled himself completely out of Alex as his heart rate increased rapidly and Alex moaned. He rolled over onto his back beside Alex. "I'm all yours, love." He flased his flirty smile once more.

Alex asked him to sit up and lay back against the headboard of the bed. Ivar did as requested. Alex grabbed the bottle of lube and and put more into his hand. As he gripped Ivar's hard dick and began to spread it all on him again, Ivar's head fell backwards, moans of pleasure exiting his mouth. Alex crawled into Ivar's lap and hovered his body over him. Looking at Ivar, he asked, "Are you ready for this?"

"Fuck yes, love! Just don't hurt yourself. I'll be ok if we have to stop."

Smiling, Alex answered, "Always putting me first. Thank you, babe." He leaned down and quickly kissed Ivar and then sat back up, lining himself up with Ivar as Ivar held himself in place.

Alex slowly began to sink down onto Ivar's now throbing cock. As the tip entered him, Ivar removed his hand and grabbed Alex by the hips, trying to help steady him. Alex moaned out, "Oh, fuck!"

"Take it easy, love," Ivar said, focusing only on Alex's reactions.

Alex slowly lowered himself more and more onto Ivar as Ivar patiently waited for Alex to be ready for movement. The tightness Ivar felt was almost too much for him and he wasn't sure how long he'd last this way but all he could think about was not hurting Alex.

The two were so hyper aware of the other's body and reactions that it was almost distracting. Alex asked, "Are you ok, Ivar? Do you need me to stop?"

"Oh, hell no! I'm good, love. Take your time," he smiled.

Alex finally sank all the way down onto Ivar, swallowing up Ivar's twitching cock. He wrapped his legs tightly around Ivar's hips, interlocking them behind him, bringing the two of them even closer. The intimacy Ivar felt was overpowering as he looked up and into Alex's eyes. He placed his hand on Alex's cheek and pulled him in for a kiss. His heart was pounding harder than it had all night as the kiss grew more heated. He wrapped his other arm around Alex and held him tightly as he panted into Alex's mouth.

Alex pulled slightly away, Ivar's lips chasing his. "Please stop me if I hurt you." Ivar only knodded.

Keeping his eyes locked in their gaze of passion, Alex slowly began to rock his body. He groaned unrecognizable words. Wrapping his arms around Ivar, they both now sat in a tight embrace as Alex's movements began to speed up a little.

Alex gulped and moaned with every movement. "Are you ok?" Ivar asked, willing to stop if needed.

"Yes. It's a good pain, remember?"

Ivar removed his right arm from their embrace, still holding Alex tightly with his left, and slowly trailed his hand up Alex's back and down his chest, sending chills all over Alex. Still looking him straight in the eyes, his hand found Alex's ever ready, hard cock and quickly wrapped tightly around him. He began to stroke him up and down as he leaned forward a little and kissed Alex's collarbone. Ivar's hand motions made the pain Alex felt subside into pleasure.

Alex felt heat spread throughout his body as he continued to move painfully slowly up and down on Ivar. The closeness and intimacy he felt looking into Ivar's eyes staring back at him in complete wonder was breathtaking. He knew he would never get enough of this intensity.

Ivar's heavy breathing sped up with each small movement of Alex's hips. Staring into Alex's eyes, still, he thrusted his hips forward, jolting upward and into Alex. Alex whimpered and Ivar did it again. Within seconds, the two found their rhythm and Ivar began fucking up into Alex as Alex rotated his hips seductively.

With every thrust from Ivar, sounds escaped Alex's mouth, echoing into the room. As Alex moved his hips in sync with Ivar's, their passion grew even more. Ivar's grip around Alex's waist and back held him tightly to him as his hand pounded up and down on him even harder. Their stare intensified, an unspoken agreement not to look away from eachother, and Alex, again, softly said, between pants, "I love you."

A tear rolled down Ivar's cheek and Alex caught it with his finger. He brought his finger to his lips and slowly licked the tear from his finger. Ivar gasped, his heart beating even faster than before, and he knew he couldn't handle this anymore.

Before Alex even knew what was happening, Ivar moved forward, held onto Alex even tighter, and quickly turned to his side, landing Alex on his back with himself hovering over him, still inside him. Alex's eyes widened as he gulped. "Did I hurt you? Are you ok?" Ivar asked him, concerned.

"I'm fine. You, you just shocked me. Damn, that was fucking hot," Alex whimpered as he responded.

Ivar leaned down and hungrily kissed Alex as he slowly began to move inside of Alex again. Trembling, he looked back into Alex's eyes again. As he slowly moved his hips, he brought his hand to his mouth and spit into it. Alex gasped at the sight as he shivered in anticipation.

Ivar's hand found Alex's hard dick again and wrapped tightly around him. The sensation of Ivar's wet palm sent chills down Alex's spine as Ivar began pumping him up and down again along with his stroking in and out of him.

Something about it, now, was slower, calmer, and way more intense than anything between them had been as of yet. Alex's heart rate sped up and beads of sweat rolled down his forehead.

As Ivar held Alex's gaze, every movement was more sensual than the one before. Alex's hands tangled in Ivar's hair and he pulled him closer. Ivar dropped his head to the nape of Alex's neck and he feathered kisses up it as Alex whimpered. When he reached Alex's ear, he softly bit it before raising his head back above Alex and once again, staring into his eyes

With every roll of his hips, pounding deeper into Alex, Alex's heart fluttered and his tight grip around Ivar vibrated causing Ivar to arch his back with his eyes rolling into the back of his head. "Cum for me, love! I want to hear you yelling my name as you cum for me," Ivar's raspy voice commanded.

Clutching Ivar's shoulders, Alex began thrusting up into Ivar in sync with Ivar's movements, causing Ivar to groan out Alex's name in pure extasy. The two of them melted into eachother and as they moved together, lovenly, passionately. Ivar whispered, "I'm close, love. I need you to finish first."

Alex was already close to his release and as Ivar leaned down and licked Alex's lips, it was enough for Alex as it sent electric shocks throughout his veins. His entire body tensed up as white, silk streams of his cum shot out between them as he called out, "Oh my God, Ivar!"

Alex clinched his ass cheeks around Ivar and held him even more tightly as Ivar's pace picked up and fell out of any kind of rhythm. He grinded into Alex sloppily and his movements quickly stammered as his entire body stiffened and twitched. He shot his load as he tried to tell Alex, "Alex! I'm, I'm..."

"Yes, babe! Now you cum for me!" Alex said, breathing heavily.

Ivar slowly stopped his movements and collapsed on top of Alex with a thud. Alex grunted and Ivar grinned, "That was absolutely fantastic, love. I've...umm, I've never experienced anything like that. Not even the last time we were together. Fuck!" He swallowed thickly and slowly pulled out of Alex and rolled to his side, his arms still wrapped around Alex.

Hot and sweaty, and very messy, they still laid there entangled in eachother, taking in everything and coming back down together. As their breathing slowed and heartrates returned to normal, their grip on eachother never loosened. They laid like that, intertwined in eachother, in complete silence, comfortably enjoying breathing eachother in.

Not really wanting to break the peaceful, comfortable silence, Alex hesitated, "That really was fantastic, Ivar. I, umm, I don't think... umm..."

"What is it, love? You know you can tell me anything," Ivar tried not to panic, rubbing his hand over Alex's cheek and giving him a quick peck on the lips.

"I-I don't think I've ever made love to anyone before, Ivar. And that, umm, that's what that was, right? It was so different and so amazing. I've never experienced anything like that before either," Alex blushed and looked away from Ivar's piercing eyes.

It hit Ivar like a ton of bricks. No wonder he had been such a wreck. It was more than just having sex with the one he loved. It was making love with him, which had such deeper meaning than he'd ever imagined. The connection they shared was unreal and seriously like no other. He couldn't put words to it. Alex looked back at Ivar and saw the understanding and realization in his face. "I, uh.. I..ummm," he tried.

Alex cupped his cheek and replied, "I know. Oh my God, I know. It's ok. You don't have to say it. Believe me, I understand completely." He smiled and kissed Ivar deeply.

Ivar pulled away, "Now, you know the rule, love. You can't do that, or I'll have to have my way with you again."

He gave Alex his shit ass eating grin again, and Alex laughed, "You're terrible."

"Yes, and you love it. Let's go get washed up," he continued to grin. "Oh, and Alex?" he said as he sat up in the bed and looked back at Alex.

"Yes?"

"When we come back to bed, I want to be entangled with you the rest of the night just like we were right now, ok, love? I'm seriously not letting you go this time."

Alex smiled as he felt warmth spread all throughout his body, "Absolutely, Ivar. I wouldn't have it any other way."

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

@istorkyou @vero-maris-zamo @chapada010101010 @ivarhoegh @lostasalice-thisway @lonewolf471 @lemonsarepink @covidinducedsocialreject @tessakate

[elliothier]

Happy 27th birthday from 2022! It's currently the 26th as I write this, because for the first time ever I actually completely forgot about Tumblr the entire day! Are you still on here? Has the habit crept back in? Have you finally escaped? We shall see! It's not like my tab has ever closed.

So time for the present day context! Or well, 'present day', I still remember! It started with waking up, mom showed up somewhere near noon, which I was awake for but we had no interaction, so I could wake up properly. The candle in the darkness stood out, and apparently represented the past -- downstairs were another 2, for the present and future. Improvised cake this time as the ingredients were too hard to get, instead it was a brownie with cherry jelly dip and caramel dip, which, yeah that was great. Present was an elite trainer box of cards, which definitely had some pretty dice. Lackluster pulls, but hey, it be like that sometimes.

It was a good day overall, still a bit tired from gran's celebration on the 23rd (and even more tired from yesterday as I write this), but that was nice as well. Met the new cousins, they're fathers of 3 and fit right in, because of course they do. Oh, and the youngest cousin is pregnant. I don't think I'll get accustomed to that any time soon; have you met the baby yet? Heck, have you seen her at all since then? We've definitely grown apart...

Heck, this was the first birthday without Astra as well, and without grandpa; very strange in hindsight, I didn't even realize until I read that the renovations were last year. Poor 25 year old me had no idea what was coming, but we got through it, and this year was a lot more relaxed! Music room is finally coming along, I've been learning Bach's Prelude I in C major the past few days, still in my room, but I'm about halfway now. I swear I'm gonna finish Guitar Quest this year as well, it's just one more chapter... Speaking of, have you gotten around to playing with the uncle yet? The anxiety block is real.

Anyway, the day itself was mostly focused around games. Entering the day across midnight was with Cursed and French, the Genshin co-op has been a lovely regular occurrence. Then in the afternoon some Casino Yahtzee with mom, which I lost, but was a lot of fun anyway. In the evening a desert dragon version of Catan with the three of us, which I won convincingly, because BOY did we have issues with grain and wool, and I was the only one with a grain import at all. And then exiting the day in Genshin again as well. (And the planning for this weekend is to play a game with K Alexander and the discord too, as well as co-op with Satan, exciting stuff!) No D&D like the last two years, but our group is still together, so that's no problem.

Oh, and how could I forget dad's pancakes! They were kind of falling apart, but that doesn't take away from the taste, it was a good choice of dinner that's for sure. If you see this early and need any inspiration, there's an option for ya! If not, I hope it was some tasty food regardless.

So anyway, I hope you have a good day and get a chance to chill, because my week this year is definitely Too Much. Should probably cancel work, again, just because my brain is dying and the day after there's another visit, for obvious reasons.

Lastly, don't forget about The Box! I definitely nearly did, I still have to do it, I really hope I didn't forget...