#but actually i think thats kind of the point so i shouldnt be so hard on myself

[qoldenskies]

I have ABSOLUTELY noticed the nosebleeds. I also just finished my neuro unit in nursing school so I’m like ‘stress? Brain bleed? spinal injury?’ Anyway, can’t wait for the birthday thing to explode dramatically later. Also, as scared as Donnie is acting right now, I’m wondering if he’ll eventually switch back to accepting/catatonic in the face of his bros’ (perceived) anger at him and how that would go over with them

this has in my ask box for like a week and i NEVER EVEN NOTICED ..... anyways teehee him dealing with dissociation instead of spiraling panic is an inevitability considering the past coping mechanisms he fell back into in CL, and it really just depends,,, mikey was extremely upset when he found him on the laundry room floor, it was an upsetting sight to walk into. honestly i could see him being triggered so hard that he freezes and essentially blacks out as a problem, which means it'll probably be difficult for him to go back to battle. i think he could handle facing bad guys with the same kind of excitement and vigor he used to, but he has a lot of new triggers that might make him lock up when he panics (and not to mention the sight of his BROTHERS in battle might scare him too? who's to say)

and as for the nosebleeds, :)

[finalhaunts]

-

[artdcnaldson]

im so glad youre matching my freak on this (patricks sister au) because im actually so not normal about it. i havent thought about anything else all day, many more thoughts are in my head about this, i need art so badly

his restraint grows wearier every time you're on his bed in your slutty outfits making puppy eyes at him. its only gotten worse since he let it slip that he does want you, but just cant. it seems like youre in his room every day now. tiny shorts or even worse, tiny tennis skirts. the kind where he can see another one of many lacy pairs of panties every time you adjust yourself. he makes it a point to always sit at his desk, or even stand, he needs the distance.

one night hes dragging you back from a stupid frat party, one of those with a dress up theme thats really just an excuse to have the girls dress extra slutty, and oh boy did you deliver. youre not too drunk, but hes carrying you over his shoulder regardless, its just faster that way. (youre not complaining, you get to stare at his ass the whole way back to his dorm) and maybe youre acting more drunk than you are, just so he wont bring you to your own room, but he'll have to let you sleep in his.

then you're laying in his bed, surrounded by his scent, maybe even dressed in another one of his shirts and maybe just a pair of panties. watching him as he gets ready for bed (he always refuses to share the bed with you but sleeps on thr carpet on his floor instead), brushing his teeth, changing his shirt, complaining about some guy who was trying too hard to flirt with you, getting too close to you. its all too much, you really cant help it, maybe you can even blame the few shots of tequila your friends had made you take earlier that night, but your hand trails down under the sheets. you cant help but touch yourself, gently, barely even feeling it. but youre just so turned on by him, being this close to him, his possessiveness. whats a girl to do!!!!

he hears the little moan you let out, he tries so hard to ignore it. to control himself. truly hes not surprised. he keeps talking, pretending he didnt hear you. but when he turns around, its just too much. he cant help but tell you how pathetic youre being, he means for it to come out sterner, meaner, it was meant to deter you. instead he hears you moan again, so pathetic. it shouldnt egg him on, he should tell you to stop, to leave, to pull your hand out of your damn panties. he should tell you to quit being such a slut. why is it turning you on when he tells you youre being pathetic? why are you moaning louder when he says you can never have his cock? he cant help but taunt you :(((

(i can keep going, just ask lol)

GODDDDDD this au has me salivating so badly it’s crazy like this ask made me go take a lap, had to walk on my treadmill and clear my head. I feel so insane rn

Bc why IS he getting so weird and protective over you? Why is he mad that you were practically dry humping some loser from the fucking swim team that you looked like a fucking slut out there, and you should be embarrassed, honestly.

And god, he really does sound pissed about it, and you’re still pretty buzzed from the party, too, everything feels really slow and hazy and there’s an insistent throbbing need between your thighs. you’re so wet it’s soaking through the skimpy, slutty panties you were wearing.

“You should really fucking have some standards.”

Mhmm. Yeah. You should. He should totally keep telling you all about it. You sigh, slip your fingers between your thighs— all wet and sticky and sensitive. You moan, just barely, but he freezes a little. You can see the muscles in his shoulders flexing as he grips the edges of the sink. But then he’s right back to bitching at you.

“What the fuck did you think was gonna happen, huh? Did you think I’d go over there and rip you off of that dickhead? That I’d get so jealous I’d finally fuck you like you want?”

You moan, louder, and that’s when he turns. His jaw is set, clenched as he watches your hand move beneath the sheets. You’re completely unabashed as he watches you, he watches your legs spread slightly, can tell your fingers have gone from toying with your clit to being stuffed inside your pussy.

And he laughs. “God, this is really fucking pathetic, you know that, don’t you?”

You nod, whimper out a, “mhmm.” You’re looking at him through half-lidded eyes, all hazy and soft. And your hand is moving faster beneath the blankets, and god, he wants to move it so fucking badly. Wants to watch, to see how wet you are for him.

It would be so easy to just rip that blanket off— his fingers are fucking twitching with the need to. He almost does, almost loses himself in it.

“Jesus, you’re so fucking desperate,” he says, arms crossed, trying to ignore how fucking good you sound now that you’re not muffling your moans. “You think fucking yourself in my bed is going to change anything? It just makes you look like a slut. You know how embarrassed I’d be if you were my sister? You’re fucking lucky I don’t tell Patrick what you’re up to.”

You whine, pouting as you thrust your fingers deeper inside your cunt. You’re so close already, just want to cum, want him to rip off the blankets and fuck you into the mattress. “Please,” you whine.

“Please? You think I’m going to fuck up my friendship with Patrick for pussy?” He’s being so mean, you’re fucking dripping down your wrist with how soaked you are. “I’m never going to fuck you. You just need to grow up and fucking accept it.”

You cum as he watches you, thighs trembling and closing around your hand. Fingers all slick and sticky when you finally slip them from your cunt. He’s staring at you, completely indiscernible. And he laughs again. Whatever. You can go ten more rounds if he just keeps talking to you.

[leolingo]

(long post about purgatory and meta and rp)

sigh one thing ive been thinking is that it feels a bit unfair to see so many people complaining or doomposting over how purgatory affects the overarching qsmp rp story or how it ~interrupted arcs~ or is ~disturbing current storylines~ or ~narratively unsatisfying~ like. Sure. its a bit abrupt and most players were caught off guard because lore-wise it stems from the federation which means none of them were told about anything beforehand

but... its only been three days. maybe we could have a little faith? like idk ill be soooooo out there rn and say that maybe the admins did this now for a reason. maybe itll make sense later on. we already see lore repercussions with elquackity and his motives and all the nods to the eggs.

theres fair criticism to be made (when done respectfully) if youre mainly here for the roleplay but i feel like we sometimes need to remind ourselves that the qsmp storytelling is a VERY ambitious project. lmao. imagine being the writing team and trying to wrangle 20+ characters with distinct points of view and journeys on an ever-changing story because of the very nature of live rp. its practically IMPOSSIBLE to tie up every loose end neatly and at this point i dont think we should expect that. keeping up momentum with all plotlines must also be pretty hard, cc's schedules and outside factors like server programming and building and mod tweaking and all those meta elements considered and so on and so on

i DO also want the story to move forward and be cohesive and make sense in a satisfactory way. like i really do!!!!!!! but i try to understand that thats not ALL the qsmp is about. from the start quackity said the server wouldn't be exclusive to the rp aspect. it sure is that way right now, but thats because most of the active members are VERY passionate about roleplaying. thats a good thing! they have fun and its fun to watch and the experience is mostly good for everyone because it corresponds to their expectations to an extent

the thing about purgatory is that i feel like its a lot more meta than most people doomposting realize. it ties into the story, sure, but to me it feels like the sudden switch in environment and vibes and stakes isnt actually catered to the rp and thats FINE. like thats not what it exists for and thats fineeeeeee

pac for one has said he appreciates the event for the change of pace, though its very hard (lol), because regular qsmp was starting to feel a bit stale to him and he was kind of running out of things to do. THATS A GREAT THING! managing player engagement like that is awesome and sometimes necessary. YES, purgatory caters to a very different playstyle than what we're used to -- and thats one of its strenghts.

a lot of hispanic creators have also felt this!!!! roier, rivers and carre most prominently have been VERY excited about this event because its similar in format to a lot of spanish speaking events like mc extremo and such. a lot of these players are also not particularly interested in rp-ing and had not been logging on very often prior to purgatory.

even roleplay regulars like tubbo, fit and bbh have shown interest in purgatory for the competitive nature of the setting!!! thats cool too!!!! something different, new possibilities to play around with. thats what the events should be about. kudos to the admins and dev teams for attempting it in such a big scale. their effort shows and all the mechanics weve seen are really fucking cool

i love the roleplay!!!!!! its one of my favorite parts of the qsmp!!!!!! but its not ALL there is and it shouldnt be! non rp-oriented creators are also part of the project and deserve to have a little fun too -- not to mention a big chunk of the hispanic fan community that has blown up twitter with support bc what we have rn is similar to events they already love!!!!!!! im glad to see so many of them get excited again!!!!!!

at the end of the day, qsmp is a LONG long term project, and purgatory ends in two weeks. by the time its over, we can all choose to engage with it as we wish. it can be a big filler episode in your mind, if you want. it can be just for fun..... otherwise, if its not fun, your regularly scheduled qsmp will be back soon anyway :3 its fine to not like it, its fine to have something negative to say about it if properly tagged and not like. crazy entitled or blown out of proportion for what this situation is.

i just hope we can all manage our online experiences accordingly and avoid making things less enjoyable for each other. this is supposed to be fun

[scph1001]

end of the year yes sir yes sir.

as always id say the rows are more exact than the actual rankings but some of the edge ones are iffy.

sadly i did not finish metaphor in time- ill likely finish it within the next week though. if i had finished metaphor in time (and if the ending doesnt suck shit out of nowhere) it would have been third. i respect it alot more than P3R- and though i have a list of complaints i thought metaphor was a wonderful game

playing killer7 was crazy!!!! i knew i had to play after seeing the cloudman cutscene and it really did deliver. it made me feel like i was playing MGS2 for the first time again and i think thats the highest praise i could give a game. in another world where MGS2 wasnt the first game to really get me into the medium- killer7 would have been my favorite game. absolutely timeless. incredible combat and i admire the way it jumps topic to topic and doesnt really offer true finality to a couple of its points.

chulip now thats an all timer 👆 very adorable video game i like that its mean to the player but also has a kind heart. for whatever reason my joykill spirit doesnt activate for chulip- and there probably is a bit to say on how it treats women- but its not the worst ever and the game is not too pushy about bothering her. very very good ending sequence. great gameplay loop

honestly i dont even think i like P3R much. it was just the first game me and alot of the people i know were excited about in a long time and i have really fun memories playing it and getting it on release. honestly i thought about it while writing this and ended up just making a backloggd review lol

not much to say about katamari. its one of those games for me. yeah i enjoyed it but i have so little to say so maybe i shouldnt rank it so high but i fuck with its vision alot.

SMT1 is not fun to play but i really do admire its existence and atmosphere. incredibly cool

i still have complex feelings about SMTVV since its everything i wanted but its also lame as shit. tao and yoko remind me of ariana and cynthia during the wicked press tour lowkey. also i think SMTVV got worse after metaphor came out and ATLUS started showing off some actually good dungeons

earthbound was alright honestly i dont feel strongly about it and if it didnt have its presentation and unique manner of speaking to the viewer it would be a 3/5

jack bros was actually good im not exaggerating

baroque was cool but also im not very into it- its a 4/5 out of respect for it

shadow of memories was crazy everyone go play shadow of memories

i honestly fucked with P1 alot in terms of style/vibes but theres not much more to say about it and the story and characters arent special

gitaroo man was hard as shit but the music was fun

the parappa 2 music was fun but gitaroo man had more swag

i do not care about hypnospace sorry everyone.

im not the biggest fan of P2IS and P2EP just felt like a worse version of P2IS so i was never gonna be really into it. i do admire its vision and i think its pulling off what FFVIIR is trying to do better- but still not good

i respect the answer- but i just do not like P3 combat. a game of just P3 combat is going to fall flat for me. and honestly for a game about death (P3)- maybe there shouldnt be an answer.

dragon warrior was cute but i cant really give it high praise. for its time- great revolutionary. now? its alright.

i hated LIVE A LIVE that shit sucked

[kcalsforhim]

monday 25 november 2024 - 𐙚 ˚🍰 ⋆｡˚⊹❀˖°

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cals : ~900

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dinner : pokebowl with salad mix, cucumbers, carrots, edamame beans, avocado, chicken, spicy mayo dressing, nori seaweed seeds and sesame seeds.

dessert : teramisu cake but made out of biscoff lotus cookies... teehee

midnight overeating session / binge : 2 smoked salmon slices, a small serving of mashed potatos, half a cucumber, an apple, like 10 jelly straws, 3 pieces of candy...

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aha guys remember when i said i would go into binge recovery ? haha i failed. anyway i didnt fail nearly as bad this time, and i did cut myself once for every thing i overate... i just dont undersrand why i keep doing this lol but oh well. i talked with eli about it on a deeper level and i really began to think about it ;; im infact still thinking about it... but generally ive come to the conclusion that i need to stop centralising food so much in my life since its all i can think of.. i also want to go back to omad, and generally only not omad when i feel SICKLY and just go from there. i generally always feel like if im omad'ing i restrict better, the only cases not being when i feel siiiick to my stomach.. but then again... every time i felt sick from restricting so much... it kind of felt amazing too.. im also thinking of feeding my friend, specifically the one close to me since haku has been dieting for a long time and i dont want to overfeed him. generally i think it would be a good idea since i can dispose of food and still keep him happy... i just... really should focus on getting rid of all food that is appealing out of my life as well as just seeing it as fuel... i want to stop indulging so much... thats easier said than done... ive done alot of reflecting and honestly so far in november there has not been a single day where i felt proud of how i did, in comparison to october where i felt like i did great 90% of the days... omad is definently a good starting point, learning to say no more often... in general, food does not run away from me if i dont eat it, even in my own house. i struggle more with sweets than i do with salty stuff, im so afraid of it running away... but i need to stop being afraid... food is not my friend.. i shouldnt like it or indulge in it so much, it damages my progress and the guilt i feel after lasts for days if not weeks now... i really wish i could take controll of myself again.. but. i will. not give up, thats the last thing i want to do. in the grand scheme of things, one month of wasted time is not the end of it, i can pick myself up and i can always fix things and get back on track, i just have to keep trying and pushing... even if its hard or im having my moments where it feels like restricting is literally impossible, i have to keep trying... over... and over... and over... and over... and over... so ive kind of concluded on a few things i want to do moving forward

i want to generally try to restrict as much as i can, this is hard for me, because i actually very much enjoy food, but food is not my friend. i will try to omad as much as i can or just skip meals as much as i can.

avoid fast food places as much as possible from now on, if not all together, fast food places are packed with calories... making at home versions are ok... but i actually felt terrible the last few times and it never felt satisfying ?

stop drinking so many liquid calories...

FOCUS ON PORTION SIZES, i cannot stress this enough, dont try to fit every single last cal into what you can eat... focus on plating a satisfying amount except for plating how much you can eat (with an exception to vegetables).

today i also went out with my friend.. that was fun.. he got me some stuff which is always nice

some body checks i took.. im not very proud of what i look like, i feel like i could look so much better if only i actually tried my best...

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here is some BEAUTIFULL photo's i found online... this is waaay rather what id look like... and i should work harder from now on to get to that point...

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this song is nice and... kind of eery..

୧ ‧₊˚ 🍮 ⋅ ˚⊹

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

Hellow, i just reblogged that post about the cauldron loving elain and I have been seized with a need to figure out what the hell is going on with that so I shall read one (1) chapter if acomaf to bring me closer to my goal. For the record, I did know about the cauldron loving elain and hating nesta because idk, nesta was angry and annoying when she was dunked into it but elain was just so sweet and demure about it probably, i did not think it was. romantic love. but this is a sjm book so I was foolish to assume there would be a male character whos not insanely horny. Actually, is the cauldron even male? He is in the german version but thats just bc the word cauldron is masculine grammatically. Quick someone draw like, a tumblr sexyman humanized version of the cauldron. actually no, tumblrsexymen are traditionally twinks and sjm hates those. Quick someone draw like, a super buff shirtless man with golden hair, or whatever the color of the cauldron is

anyway, PREVIOUSLY ON: THE FLAMES AND DARKNESS LIVEBLOG we had the Court on Nightmares Under The Mountain Reenactment Scene as I like to call it and can we talk about how Feyre has known Rhys for like a year and only liked him for like half a year and yet she was perfectly fine sitting in his lap nacked and letting herself be sexualized by him. Like, I dont even have any kind of sexual trauma, you would still need to build up sooooo many years of friendship and good will for me to do that for you and you would NOT be allowed to jerk me off!! whatever, lets get on with this, its time for chapter 43

I hate that Rhysand is being all like "i shouldnt have brought you, i didnt want you to see this side of me" when its like, buddy you didnt have to do all this shit you couldve just walked in an been like "Im your high lord and demand your orb" and they wouldve given it to you because youre their high lord and youre demanding their orb. And if he thought they wouldnt have given it to him, he couldve easily come up with a different distraction he just went with the one that sexualizes Feyre because hes weirdo. Like, if hes so cruel on every other day then he shouldve acted really nicely, greeted Keir by giving him the biggest hug and being like "uncleeeee!! :D long time no see :)" and Feyre should have been dressed up as like, the embodiment of spring in pastel green soft shades of pink and but Rhysand still treats with the utmost kindness and respect, now that would throw the Hewn City for a loop

Okay so the reason Rhys broke keirs arm is because the word 'whore' triggered him which is understandable but like, Feyre thought of herself as the Highlords Whore in a very deliberate parallel to Rhysand being known as Amarantha's Whore and Im pretty sure she even straightup thought something about being in the position he had for so many years but she was like, horny about it and the narrative just isnt acknowledging it. Like, theyre not talking about it even though their mindlink was presumably open the whole time bc I remember them flirting through the link, and Feyre isnt even like "oh man, I feel bad for thinking that when its so upsetting to him" its so weird

Rhysand basically said "I will never try to protect you by locking you away, instead I will protect you by killing anyone who upsets you, even when they dont actually upset you and they just upset me" like he and Tamlin are not fundamentally any different from each other, its just that Rhysand is a coldblooded murderer. but its fine cuz he wears black leather i guess

I just realized. Rhysand had a boner when Feyre was sitting in his lap. did that go away when he broke Keirs arm or did he walk out of that meeting with his dick fully hard

Listen, maybe its just because its 3am and Im a little sleepdeprived but this conversation barely makes any sense, these bozos are just completely talking past each other at this point

Rhysand just said something about how Tamlin just locked Feyre up and let her waste away and almost die and Feyre was gonna say "He was trying his best" but Rhys interrupted her like "Dont compare me to him, stop comparing us" when she didnt say anything about that ??? my guy is projecting so hard rn he thinks theyre having a conversation that theyre not even having

And like i would argue that Feyre doesnt even compare Rhysand and Tamlin that much, the narrative definitely does it a LOT, but Ive been reading Feyres thoughts throughout this whole ordeal and I feel like she barely even thought about Tamlin since she sent him that letter

This scene is supposed this big turning point for their relationship and its clearly meant to be really emotional but the only emotion i can feel rn is annoyance with Rhysand because its like, he did have genuinely traumatic things that happened to him but not only is he barely affected by any of them, those are not even the things that the narrative brings up whenever its trying to get me to sympathise with him instead its always just "whaaaaaaa everyone thinks Im nasty and evil just because i keep doing nasty and evil things T-T"

Feyre is being very cruel but in a kinda funny way because its directed at Rhysand rn, i would insert the quote but I am in no state to translate anything at the moment but shes basically like "of course you have to hide your true self from your friends, they wouldnt wanna hang out with otherwise, you burden"

Idk why but the prose being like "my arrow struck him too deep" is so funny to me, it has the same energy as the vampire fics i read where the weird gay one gets his heart broken and he goes "it wouldve hurt less if he staked me in the heart"

Feyre is like "i cant believe he was so vulnerable and shared his sorrows with me and just threw all of it in his face" and I could not give less of a shit, but ive been on a big emotional abuse kick lately so now Im thinking about what if Feyre was just faking having feelings for Rhys in order to make him fall in love with her and be vulnerable with her only to then tell him the truth and reject the mating bond and make him completely break down as revenge for UTM. now that would actually be empowering

Now Feyre is thinking about how shes been using Rhysand for a long time now and come onnnnnn there is such a big power difference between them, I genuinely think its basically impossible for her to do that. Like, hes the most powerful guy in the history of guys or whatever, if anything you were doing bothered him that much he could simply make you stop doing it. hm. now Im thinking about what if rhysand was actually a huge masochist. Now that would actually be hot

Feyre is talking about how all the members of the inner circle suffered and are traumatized and theyve all learned to live with it and, not to extend too much sympathy to Rhysand, but all of the ICs major traumatic events happened centuries ago, his traumatic event happened one (1) year ago and it lasted 49 years i think its gonna take a little more time till hes all better

ughhhhhhh dont remind me of Amrens stupid romance subplot im gonna kill myself

Starfall is called Die Nacht der fallenden Sterne [the night of the calling stars] in german which is so much cooler and more whimsical, shoutout to my gal pal Alexandra Ernst for attempting to reinsert atleast a little bit of whimsy into this joyless world

Also, apparently its expected that Rhysand spend the first starfall in fifty years with his people, his people in this case referring to the Verlarians in the city that no one knows exists and not the people living in his courts actual capital. then again, i guess those bozos are all trapped under a mountain and wouldnt be able to watch it anyway so who cares

Amren said "hes not lucky to have us, we're lucky to have him" like yeah, hes paying you all exorbitant salaries just for being his buddies

God, amrens jacking rhys off so hard rn I cant believe she didnt wanna have sex with him when he asked

btw Im not even gonna dignify all that vaguely meta bullshit about how Tamlin is the golden prince and rhysand is the villain in the stories but the villain in stories is the guy who locks maidens away in towers and rhys freed her with anx kind of commentary because its just stupid, its just sjm bashing you over the head with how subversive she is when Tamlin and Rhysand are basically the same guy with different aesthetics at this point, like Feyre is not making a choice between the goodboy hero and the badboy villain, shes making a choice between a Bad Boy with a Heart of Gold (green) and a Bad Boy with a Heart of Gold (black)

[enden-k]

Wait so if Kaveh is a Masochist whats Alhaitham then

i wouldnt say kaveh is a masochist (it just has potential to make him one for fics or art etc based on his (unhealthy) behavior, hes not explicitly saying he enjoys the pain)

kaveh finding comfort in pain and punishment shouldnt be understood as him enjoying it and desiring it. it means that he feels undeserving of kindness and goodwill directed at him as he genuinely believes he is to blame for the pain of his family. it is unfamiliar to him and makes him uncomfortable. the constant pain and guilt he lives in for years is more familiar to him that it is almost comforting. it is what he is used to. it is familiar.

thats how i think/interpret it at least. similar to xiao

usually i wouldnt reply to ask like this on my main blog but rather on my other blog but i think its actually important to point out here too before it gets misunderstood or taken as canon akjbcsk

anw if you would wanna make him a masochist for fic or art purposes, i believe he wouldnt enjoy hard, physical pain. it would be more of mental pain, like humiliation. not in an actually harmful way by opening deep wounds or reminding him of the guilt, that would be a huge no to do, obviously. but rather harsh words, names, etc in a sexy way and atmosphere. a slightly bruising grip here, a sharp bite on his ear there. insulting or embarrassing words whispered into his ear, stuff like this

and after, he seeks out physical comfort and warmth. a tight hug and "i love you"s whispered into skin.

al haitham actually says of himself that he doesnt find pleasure in other peoples misery and he also doesnt look down on others. based on all of this, i dont think he would be a sadist. personally, i think he would be neutral0000000000000000001111111111111111122220000000000000

(my cat stepped on my keyboard, she wanted to add smth to al haitham i guess)

i will add the rest on my other blog because it turned more and more suggestive, as expected when answering an ask like this KJBCAYKBS

[emmetofthestars]

king is egotistical as hell right. its hard to say. he is, but im always thinking about things besides his ego. from the very first moments that i played we love katamari reroll, he felt so much more different from katamari damacy reroll. yes, they added a replay mechanic, and they incorporated it by king asking if you want to try again - but he asks. he asks if you want to go home now or if you want to try again. its something so miniscule but means alot to me. everything of his attitude changes in we love, like hes really thinking things over now (he himself says hes, well, busy thinking about the future.) and its very strange. in my head theres still a great disconnect between katamari damacy king, and we love katamari king. from the outfit to how he talks to what he tells the prince. egotistical sure. but why in we love is he suddenly "softer"? the game over screen is in no way less violent or hurtful in either game, but in katamari he outright disowns prince, or atleast refuses to acknowledge him any more. in we love he insists, he shouldve been better. he shouldve tried harder, shouldnt have been a let down. look what youve done to the fans (our admirers! our source of validation!). the whole thing about katamari in general is how hard it is to dance around that whole line of the games tone. you cant take any of the games completely seriously, but there is also merit in what happens and what king says, and it seriously kind of hurts my brain to think about it.

what im saying is- its hard for me to even take we love katamaris cutscenes seriously. with kings occasional fourth wall breaks, it makes me think he doesnt take it seriously either, which is extremely hard to process for me. when i got papas mask present, he hands it to me without another word, which seems to be clear he has unresolved feelings about him, but also, this is katamari damacy, so does it actually MATTER? in the game where king and queen met because they had a meet cute (bumped into eachother and fell in love)? a game depicting physical emotional abuse in what are honestly very melodramatic cutscenes, next to king popping and saying "he cant wait for the next episode"? you cant exactly say they wanted people to actually take them seriously- instead its more like a sort of story thats supposed to inspire emotion on purpose, with intent, in the sense that its MEANT to be cheesy and overly emotional. its fucked up when king cries and kneels to papa in a literal tone, but in the story its meant to be their honest reconciliation, given the cutscene right after is papa, king and queen reunited. SERIOUSLY it makes my brain hurt. i love stories but i know that to convert something like that into an actual deep narrative seems like it would betray author intent, and would also just make me feel in the wrong.

at the same time... if im going to make comics and writing, how the hell do i translate this? king is abusive. but its clearly a result of generational trauma, nevermind being in the royal family. he has no idea how to live like an adult because he was never taught that. what with his pondering in we love, it makes me think hes starting to regret some things, but its hard to tell whats going on in his head at any point. its no wonder hes so opaque, of course. not just his upbringing influences him, but the tone of the game, because theyre not going to have king ever be 100% honest about his deep feelings- itd betray the tone of the game in a way that feels silly. like, if he would break down talking about papa, itd probably happen in a way that you ALSO cant take it seriously. theres always some element of ridiculousness in anything katamari, right? alot of things i think about. of course, i can never see something like this and not start thinking about it deeply regardless. dont even get me started on my opinions about kings outfits and his style, which i consider way too important.

im excluding any game past we love btw. only katamari and we love were directed by keita, which makes them the only accurate representations of king, in my opinion. the "king beats the shit out of prince" game over from me & my katamari is also really fucked up, but ultimately worthless, because seriously, i doubt any of the games gets kings character right after we love- when they cant even get his style of clothing right.

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

once again thinking about a version of the story where 13 lands in sheffield three years earlier when ryan and yaz are still sixteen and a whole lot angrier

13 turning out a bit more immature bc she spends her first twenty-four hours after regenerating with these reactive and kinda fucked up kids. ryan dealing with grace and graham recently getting married or getting ready to get married. probably feeling abandoned by his grandmother after his mother and father. feeling alone with his grief. maybe kinda just has tibo to confide in. yaz meanwhile is in hell getting bullied and either recently got driven home from a running away attempt and is now dealing with the familial aftermath of that, or is planning the running away. maybe kiiiiiiinda just has sonya to confide in but probably not really. probably doesnt confide in anyone

13, still malleable and fluid, running into these messed up teenagers who reflect all her own lonely angry betrayed abandoned feelings back to her, shaping herself in response to them. they dont trust her at all to start with, but i think she'd win yaz over in a similar way she does in canon, presenting herself as an authority who listens and understands. perhaps slightly more the understanding than authority part at this point in yaz's life. maybe she lands in front of yaz actually in the hills before anita can get there. yaz is like "where the fuck did you come from" and shes like "um the troposphere i think" and yaz is like "how are you not dead" and shes like "oh i was! but then i decided maybe i shouldnt be. so. now im here :) with you!" and that kinda strikes a chord with yaz. and then the doctor's like "do you happen to have a sandwich in that backpack im starving"

then aliens happen and once they run into ryan, yaz is already won over and she and ryan recognise each other and she convinces him that, like, no shes not nuts, theres definitely aliens shes seen them

11x1 would go entirely differently obviously. maybe grace wouldnt die and graham wouldnt travel. ryan maybe decides to travel a little bit out of spite and home doesnt really feel like home, and yaz isnt having fun at home or at school either and she was running away anyway so this is not a hard decision

the emotional instability and bad decision counter of a team tardis thats just 16-year-old yaz and ryan and 13 is kind of amazing to imagine. it'd be so volatile but they'd love each other so much i think they'd be the best friends bc instead of starting off closing herself off from grief, 13 would start off having her justified and irrational anger sort of validated and coaxed out i think by yaz's and ryan's. in the tardis between the three of them there would be a place to express "nobody cares about me" whether thats true isnt the point, i think theyre all feeling it a little bit. "everyone just moved on like mum didnt matter/'tell an adult' like what are they gonna do?/okay it wasnt all their faults but all my friends are dead" you know? i think they'd be heard with each other and i think there'd be space for the injustice of it all and especially as the doctor is like a children's advocate most of all, she would take ryan and yaz seriously in a way i think they wouldnt have been by any other adult in their lives at that point. and in return they, just by being there as they are, would make room for the hurt child that 13 is and will turn out to be

and i dont have details for this but i think it would be really nice if the way 13 listens and takes seriously yaz and ryan in the first season (not like consciously or deliberately or anything, shes not trying to Do anything, this is just who the doctor is) would be mirrored in the second and/or the third when they have calmed down a bit, dealt with some of their issues at home, talked to some family members, become a little less depressed and angry etc, and they return the way she treated them when she finds out abt the timeless child and tecteun. she took their anger seriously and she took them seriously when they said "this isnt fair" and in return they can take her anger seriously, probably are angry on her behalf, and they can stop her from overcorrecting from like being 10 by pointing out to her that this isnt fair and shes allowed to be angry abt it

and when yaz inevitably gets a crush i think it shows up as a kind of out of character/seemingly regressive prickliness and snappiness toward the doctor getting more intense over the course of s12 that ryan and the doctor first are puzzled by bc like sure in the first half of s11 maybe they were all a bit snappish with each other but theyve been friends for like a year now whats this about all of a sudden? and yaz is like Nothing!!!! it's nothing!!! piss of!!! bc shes having feelings she doesnt know what to do with or how to interpret so theyre just manifesting as Angery. that same need to prove herself + probably worry abt the doctor as in canon except a lot more combative and a lot less inhibited. shes probably picking fights abt everything the doctor tells her to do. trying to provoke the doctor into actually getting mad and yelling at her or, god forbid, grabbing her, shoving her, using her hands bc yaz wont listen to words. sometimes youre 17 and horny and you dont understand you want one of your two friends in the world to kiss you bc it hasnt occurred to you that girls kissing girls is a thing that can happen. ryan figures it out first

in this version ryan probably stays until the end too - or the same as in revolution happens and yaz feels betrayed that he'd give up on the doctor so easily and feels alone in the entire world again - graham and dan wouldnt come into the picture. ryan's and yaz's family would come into the picture a little more actively. theres a lot of plot to figure out that i cant and it would be a very different era in many ways but i think it would be nice

[noellashes]

hiiiiiiii! feel free to ignore this ask but what do you like about noelashe? :0 I really like them too but I don't exactly know why myself... the parallels perhaps? the care? the potential? either way, I'm asking you how you feel about them! And I hope you have a wonderful day! :)

so so sorry for the late response but

anon you don't understand how long ive been waiting for someone to ask me this exact question

this may be extremely long depending on how much i feel like talking about so i apologize

spoilers inbound after this point!!

there are many, many reasons ive fallen in love with them and their dynamic, but ill try to condense them into a more readable format

the sections will be as follows:

 their parallels and how they compliment each other

their kindness and affection towards each other

how they treat the other differently to the others in the mansion

more surface level dynamic things i like

the things that got me attached to them in the first place

parallels!

i feel like every noelashe fan understands their parallels somewhat but im insane so im gonna go in depth

they match and contrast each other in so so many different ways, down to even design (i actually made a post about that before it shouldnt be too hard to find)

their personalities are one thing, energetic and tired, extroverted and introverted, loud and shy, cruel and kind, fake and genuine, manipulative and naïve, i could go on but thatd be WAY too long so i'll just mention these

but thats just on the surface, they actually match each other a LOT more than you think

how ashe is more introverted than what meets the eye, not liking people out of distrust, and noel being tons more talkative and social, adoring people and barely being able to hate anyone

noel being smarter than he appears, willing to lie and manipulate for what he wants, and ashe being really easy to fool sometimes, immediately believing anything he thinks can bring back his family

and of course the obvious, their wishes

the same wish, the same pain, they go through such similar trauma with different ways of dealing with it

or so you think, their coping is very similar and this is acknowledged in sirius's conclusion, the only real difference being if theyre violent or not. noel, has sworn off harming people but he's still not above using backhanded methods for his goals. ashe, despite doing awful things for his wants, still has noble(ish) reasons for why he does these things

neither are entirely innocent, but neither are completely guilty

they both just want the people they care for to live peacefully, alive

but both do some pretty fucked up things for this wish, noel lies to sirius and uses dorothy as a ploy, ashe well- i think we all know. ashe commits multiple varied crimes that range from theft to murder and noel's own negligence can be considered a crime in some cases.

they have an understanding no one else does and it creates a lot of interest towards them and develops them as individuals too

kindness

they care so much for each other its insane

noel has trouble seeing ashe as anything but kind and ashe cant help but feel attached to noel even if he doesnt want to, which makes them get close each time and it makes them feel for each other a LOT more than they need to

the times where noel is sick and ashe takes care of him, ashe saying he lied so noel wont feel bad, noel letting ashe confide in him and ashe even trusting him enough to say his worries in the first place, the list goes on

they just have an instant bond bc they want someone to care and help them (even if both have trouble admitting it) and they want to help each other, which just makes them care more

it always ends in kindness between the two and it's one of the ways we get a happy ending

special treatment

i could put this in the kindness section but i think it deserves its own section bc its so damn cute

it does have a little less to go over tho as it doesn't happen much

im also gonna start adding screenshots and such

noel seems to really admire ashe and his abilities so much more than anyone else its adorable

hes so amazed by him literally just cooking and he doesnt comment on anything to do with precise stuff that isnt smth ashe does, i may be wrong but i dont think ive ever seen him comment on smth like sirius drawing talismans which is highly specific but will ALWAYS think about how impressed he is with ashe

he also just

treats ashe in a similar way to claire, like he just casually says ashe saved him which is such a strong word to him with no thought and he LITERALLY SAYS HE TRUSTS HIM UNCONSCIOUSLY BC HE REMINDS HIM OF CLAIRE if that doesnt say smth i dont know what does

and ashe always opens up to noel so much more than anyone else like noel has gotten ashe to talk about himself unlike anyone else, the only other character he talked to about things was claire (technically sirius too but he was drunk off his ass so im not counting it) and that was like once he doesnt even say anything that isnt surface level

ashe also just refuses to harm noel and i dont think anyone has noticed this before

it makes sense if his killings are during the day bc noel literally just isnt there but some other times he has no excuse

HE MOVES TO THE SIDE HERE EVEN IF WHERE HE WAS STANDING GAVE HIM A CLEARER SHOT TO CLAIRE YOU CANT TELL ME IT WASNT SO HE DELIBERATELY MISSES NOEL

ALSO HE COULDVE TRIED AGAIN OR GONE AFTER HIM BUT NO HE JUST GOES "missed one!" AND CALLS IT A DAY IF THATS NOT PROOF HE DOESNT WANNA HURT NOEL I DONT KNOW WHAT IS

surface level things

as much as i love the incredible lengths of their relationship, i also like more simple things that im just gonna put into a little list

theyre so sun and moon guys

BLACK CAT AND GOLDEN RETRIEVER BFS

their color palettes look nice together

babygirl and wet cat

loves to cook and fucking awful at cooking

smartass x dumbass

mutual healing

their symbols being hearts and stars those look so cute together

"i care about you!!" "why??", mutually

little bitch and sweetheart

both are affectionate but neither can handle it

emotionally repressed x the one who wants them to grow again

bfs who rant about their interests

same trauma

very strange guy x doesnt care

"im a disgusting monster" "HOW?"

the black and white good evil thing is very aesthetically pleasing for them

angel and devil (kinda)

why i fell in love with them

theres a lot of reasons why i love them but theres a few very specific things that got me attached

most obvious is that theyre both my favorites, im extremely attached to ashe and i loved him from the start, i didnt start liking noel until a tiny bit later but he very quickly gained my love

i also relate to them both heavily so seeing them care so much for each other gave me comfort

its a huge pattern that most of my ships are of the character i got immediately attached to and relate to and other character i relate to who cares about the first character

the fate line. its just so gay i was like "thats kinda gay" and while i didnt always think of it like it was super important it always stuck in my head like "yeah i could ship them"

but the real thing that started this all was the wine scene

its when i realized how much they cared for each other and then the floodgates opened, and here we are now!!

its still by far my favorite scene of the two it just makes me so happy its so adorable

conclusion

i have an extreme love for noelashe and just seeing them can make my entire mood better

i dont think many people have analyzed them as much as me so its sad to see how much stuff with them goes unnoticed

theyre genuinely so great for each other, platonic, romantic or anything in between, they deserve to be happy with each other

im so sorry for this being so long and maybe really hard to understand but i adore them so much

if you read this all thank you so much!! have a great day

[sicklyseraphnsuch]

Mixed Bag

When Imogen turned to the Matron and said, "You're scared of me" - I got fucking goosebumps! She's powertripping and I Love It. Kinda wish Laura allowed herself to explore a little corruption. Yes, bitch. Lets see you Descend.

That said, it doesnt take away from the by and large Lack of Personal Stakes that this campaign has been plagued by from beginning to end. To them, the decision doesnt really matter - there's no weight

Because quite frankly, BH had mostly had a good life. Barring Laudna and Ashton with their Tragic Backstories. Orym was happily married. Fearne was breaking out of her shell. Imogen had her horses. FCG just woke up and immediately got adopted. Chet is Chet.

These semi-peaceful lives got disturbed in a variety of factors, but more importantly even for Laudna and Ashton, none of their problems came from the gods and their problems never exacerbated to the point that it could be considering Good Standing to pursue some kind of recompense or remedy of the current status quo.

In legal terms, for example, even if Braius was hurt by the followers of a god, that god is not liable for how their followers decide to act in service of them. The Complaint would be directed at the followers, where there could be Action taken to remedy the damages accrued by Braius. In layman's terms, the gods have done shit to Braius and continue to be unable to do shit for Braius. So the gods shouldnt be the target of this "big change"

If you're still following along, the main problem with BH that is at the root of their vascillation: They have no dog in this fight - they have no personal stakes. This has less to do with them not being clerics and more like they have nothing to lose or gain in changing the status quo. Its all French to them. And that is what lacks from this campaign

And ultimately, I actually dont lay the cause for these problems at the player's feet. I think its all Matt. He didnt go hard enough when putting BH in Situations. For example, lets flip the campaigns - maybe BH fights Vecna and its VM that goes to Ruidus - not bc anyone of them are Ruidusborn but bc fucking Vax made a deal with the Raven Queene and they have a stake in Vax.

Immediately, it doesnt become a question of Theory - a philosophical debate about effects that wouldnt materially change them, but it becomes a question of "how are we gonna deal with this bc there are consequences for us depending on how we deal"

The consequences for BH as it stands is so broadly applied - the gods could die which would destroy religion and end up harming the world. And yeah, the world would be a bad place to live in at that point, but theres no Specific consequence, just broad and vague "shit will suck". Thats Not compelling! In either direction! Its not enough to keep Predathos trapped forever more and its not enough to set Predathos free!!! It's a NOTHING burger!! Why the hell wouldnt Imogen free Predathos? Why the hell wouldnt Imogen trap Predathos?

You cant say "oh but what about the greater good" because theyve spun their wheels and concluded that "the greater good could apply to either decision". And as far as theyre concerned, from where theyre standing, that is in fact TRUE. Because again, they dont see a true problem with either decision that could hurt the world that they see through their eyes. So.

And thats the thing to remember too. Someone is going to profit, always. Full stop. And someone is always going to eat shit, always. Full stop. Those who can profit will seek the decision that would profit them and you know most would believe their decision for the greater good. Is it? Those who will eat shit will argue otherwise, then seek the decision that in turn will profit them

But if the decision is being made by someone with no stakes - no profit to gain, no harm to avoive, trying to please Everyone - you end up with BH. They were ALWAYS going to harm someone. The Harm is unavoidable, yes even with Predathos sealed. I cannot believe that any religious zealot worth their salt would let any threat to their gods pass. And I am talking about the world in the story.

Case in point: Braius. He could stab them in the back if they killed Asmo. How many vulnerable Ruidusborn on Exandria right now (who didnt even participate but that matters little in the end) - how many of them will be thrown to the literal devils once Asmo is safe and sound? Legitimate question.

how much of that harm will give birth to another Ludinus? and this cycle will repeat, even if ruidusborn triumph bc then harm to religious orders are never taken lightly, are they?

It's not unsolvable. BH made a fun and clever decision!! It's just - they didnt come to that decision bc theyre a persecuted Ruidusborn tired of fighting with religion over a godeater they want nothing to do with, neither are they a burned out devotee tired of being locked in a forever war with Ruidusborn or nonbelievers for the right to protect their gods.

This Ruidian War came to a head rather quickly, IMHO. They shouldve let the wars continue for at least three generations (everything changed when Ruidians attacked) until we have a landscape where the gods need for survival (understandable) is causing another calamity that disrupted order for mortals that a drastic remedy is needed. Then Imogen's words could ring more truly: "Things have to change"

[cherrylight]

hi im rambling. also hello ashley nation i guess ...

(this is a long post)

i have no idea what to post on here anymore tbch...... im also a nervous wreck talking about any of my f/os without them being the two notorious ones i used to talk about a lot ...... wahh ..... im just nervous being myself on here ..... whys that so DIFFICULT i think its this blog in particular idk ... selfshipping i love you but why do you make me feel really awful about my f/os that i genuinely would give the world to ..... cant i gush about them happily

i wanna be silly and goofy but then I DONT AND IT MAKES ME REALLY UPSET cause im really silly and goofy and i talk a lot then i get anxious and i flop and die its a recurring cycle .......... i should probably use that new blog i made so its easier to post silly things... and just be me but it also has like f/o(s) that i dont really post on here at all out of immense fear so maybe i shouldnt share it to the world.....

idk guys. lately ive just been very terrified and i guess extremely nervous & anxious posting on this blog in particular ..... im really grateful for the people who stuck around and send me asks and just are genuinely really sweet! im sorry for not being able to answer them or anything because i fear i talk too much ALL THE TIME...... like now does that even MAKE SENSE ?! probably not ....

whats kind of saddening is the fact i miss posting about my selfship(s) on here and having others be so supportive of it .... sending silly asks that make me get super happy >_< its like the best thing ever in the entire world wahhh miss it ..... maybe in due time when im not scared .....

tbh my main kind of helps with me on gushing about certain f/os because like no one would say anything..... im just gushing about silly guys and its really fun.......... but then i tear up because he makes me so emotional and UGDFHJGDFHFDH ......anyway. i gush privately and it should just be something im doing for me and that is something i KNOW and do on my own and its very fun and lovely

its just .... ive always been really terrified admitting things... like i have so many thoughts but i dont say them at all.... im also having a lot of trouble articulating my thoughts rn sorry for the jumble mess but its just a lot i guess

i used to be able to say WHATEVER i want and now i just CANT and its actually really upsetting. i just have a genuine weird way on expressing and saying things and i dont want to make people uncomfortable ...

i sometimes think its this blog that makes me so anxious. like more so than usual. but then i think its just Me that makes Me anxious? idk. hard to tell. i just dunno if its the blog or if its me thats making me scared and upset ....

arghh i dont know. this post is already so long >_< idk how to even CONCLUDE THIS ITS SO UPSETTING

i guess the best way is: im anxious all the time on this blog in particular, im way comfortable on my main blog more than this one; maybe the other blog if im brave enough to tag it at some point.... im scared to be fully myself on here so i just stay heavily inactive on here.... but i do love the selfship community...... i dont know if i want to be a part of it ... i just want to reblog cute posts of it and gush about my f/os that make me so happy ....

i want to get out of my comfort zone again. but im scared. so ill die. <- see thats what im talking about i say a lot of out of pocket stuff like that

[matoitech]

im going to b talking abt a post and a reply on it i did not rly like under the cut lol. i couldve reblogged it to comment directly but i dont rly know the celebrity context (i dont like the celebrity and do not care) and also like it couldve just been some vent post that got reblogged. i dont expect anyone to read this rly i just had thoughts abt it and i wanted to share like, little joel style. content warning for it being directly abt weight and disordered eating. my comments r broken up a bit for readability so it looks kinda long

so like, obviously i dont like or care abt ariana grande and i dont know what she is doing on instagram or whatever, if she is actually promoting ED behavior or elevating her own skinniness specifically. i am sure there r a lot of young girls who look up to her and may try to look like her. im not disagreeing with that. the general point of societial fatphobia is a super legit one, as is being frustrated by thin celebrities talking abt body shaming in the context of their weight, bcuz fat ppl r oppressed and marginalized for being fat and skinny ppl dont have the personal experience or context to understand what thats like or how weight and ED shit affect them.

but i did want to point out that generally, being weird abt ppls bodies or weight is Still Bad even when u say ur doing it for the sake of 'health' or ur doing it to 'prevent harm'. i feel there r better ways to talk abt the elevation of skinniness as a beauty standard and worries abt young ppl imitating potential disordered eating and unhealthy behavior without saying 'its not okay for someone to look like that'. weird

im a guy, so my experience w this stuff is kinda different and i internalized male beauty standards instead, but im a disabled guy, and i didnt rly have much access to food growing up, so in my particular case, ive had trouble gaining weight my whole life,no matter how hard i work at it or how much i dream to be a bear lol. ive struggled w disordered eating for non weight related reasons throughout my life. me feeling self conscious or bad abt myself isnt the same thing at all as being fat or experiencing fatphobia. im not saying that. skinny ppl arent oppressed for being skinny, obviously. but i dont rly understand why a celebrity possibly having an ED makes you think you Need to 'comment' on the way her body looks directly when u talk abt like . hollywood fatphobia or ED glamorization

im kind of bothered the op brought up disabled ppl to throw us into the 'body shaming is abt THESE ppl' ring and forgot how many disabled ppl may ''look starved'' or whatever. one of my main points abt even talking abt this stuff is to point out that whether someone is healthy or unhealthy or famous or not its not rly appropriate or helpful to talk abt their weight this way. its framed to me like her just existing as a skinny celebrity is promoting disordered eating, which like, yes theres an aspect to the kind of women who r getting famous in the first place usually following a rly specific beauty standard and other ppl internalizing that and feeling bad abt their bodies and harming their bodies to try and fit that standard, there is a whole topic u could go into here w that, but at the same time its like. did she say that? she couldve, and i didnt see it! but i dont know if she did, the way this is written makes it seem like her saying she was being body shamed was by itself promoting the ED behavior, bcuz she shouldnt get to feel like looking malnourished is acceptable.

anyway. im not trying to say this post is like 'doing the same thing to skinny ppl that skinny ppl do to fat ppl!!' or whatever cuz obv thats not how it works. i get the point the op is trying to make. i dont agree with how it was handled to get there. i dont like talking abt this stuff bcuz i dont want to be misinterpreted as trying to say that we all experience the EXACT same thing actually :/ bcuz we do not, or accusing fat ppl of 'skinny shaming' or something dumb. i just wanted to like. point out how this post read to a disabled guy w an ED history. i dont think men were rly the target audience w this and i get that. but my own marginalized body is directly mentioned in the post and used to try and further the point op is making, but i didnt like how it was used. this topic generally requires sensitivity that i dont think was rly awarded here

ok and now the comment

i just thought it was kind of bizarre that this person apparently genuinely doesnt realize that for some ppl it is actually normal to see their ribs. again i know ariana grande herself might actually have an ED or something.i dont fucking know and i dont care. disordered eating itself shouldnt be normalized but u have no way of knowing if someone has one or they have smth else going on. or if theyre just skinny. you do not need to use some random famous person as your stand-in to project all the Weight & Health Concerns onto you so desperately want to share. u can just not do that. you can just not care. she probably has better doctors than any of us could ever afford anyway lol.

there r many ways ive seen ppl talk abt this stuff over the years, or talk abt her and her castmate rn, i wanted to put somewhere lol. in general i think 'being concerned' abt other ppls weight is weird. its not your business. sorry. talk abt fatphobia and body shaming and the glamorization of EDs without being weird

[bittertarot]

you are so cool and non judgemental to chat with, so thanks very much once again! yeah I think the whole hysteria abojt idols fs in away its intruiging from a non obsessive point of view but for those who do obsess about idols fs are going to be in for a shock whenber idols are revealed to be dating and shock horror, its not themselves.

honestly I regret not really going for it and learning a genuine skill that I could then use later on but sometimes its just matter of having opportunities or being in the right situations to actually gain those skills, for example you could go to a really shitty school and learn something amazing or you can go to a better school but have shitty classmates or teachers that are of no real use to you or courses that arent available and so on and so forth, whilst idols have to go through a lot I do think what they get to do is super cool cause when they pass on they have a legacy to be proud of. Sadly I think it just comes down to them being in the right areas or theyre from the right families who can invest so much into idols gaining their skills and talents. I have yet to really see someone from my country denut in kpop group sooooo it kind of says a lot of where kpop is heading and that they were going to smerica come what may. its just sometimes our situations are very limiting and we cant always win at everything in life either or say you might want to do something but realistically you know its slim to none chances and i think at some point it has an age limit of when you can succeed at it. So even if i wanted to do what i originslly wanted it would take many more years just to get to a good skill and even then you might not be the best at it

I also think sometimes social media makes things neither great nor bad cause people can upload their skills and really empahsis on what they want nowadahs whereas when I was a kid we were doing fuck all with our free time yaknow? kids nowadays shouldnt waste their younger years is what im saying. sometimes i think that i dont fit in with my generation cause of how screen obsessed we all have become and then i dont fit in with newer generations cause they have so many more ways of making success for themselves, im just like what can i offer? honestly not much.

thats also why i lowkey wouldnt mind passing on early just to get out of this screen world that we are in and yet older generations were never bothered with taking selfies then they wouldnt habe been able to get social validation via online, so they were probs happier and things were at least affordable back then. i kinda envy the older generations in that respect, we only got to experience a small handful of years without the pressures of social media and ever since idfk 00s or earlier it kinda went to shit really.

everyone was expected to be online and idk how i really feel about it anymore im sort of over it and modern society generally sucks. so many idols get backlash for no good reason, youtubers who dont do anything wrong get gossiped about and snark pages are endless so even if someone wants to do something amazing with their lives they cant avoid scrutiny of any sorts. its just got way out of hand and its past the point of saying well just dont use it then cause we technically need these devices constantly so ergo its not hard to not be delulu about celebs and the likes either cause its literally everywhere.

Sorry for the late response, been caught up in some important stuff recently (it's not bad stuff LMAO)!! Anyways, thank you so much! I try my best to remain open-minded of any/all perspectives before forming an opinion of my own and even so, I'm very open to hearing others opinions on these matters. Debating issues is something I genuinely enjoy, as long as it is a polite and healthy debate ofc. It is quite interesting, I'd say it has something to do with the "loneliness epidemic" (as I like to call it) of these times. We're in a time where technology is increasing rapidly and human interaction isn't as common, we're more attached to our screens than actual people and that becomes an issue when it places you out of touch with reality! The obsessions over being an FS and whatnot is genuinely awful, like fans hating on idols and their relationships have led to some couples even splitting; look at Lee Jae Wook and Karina from Aespa as our most recent example. It's never too late to try, really. You can learn any skill no matter your age as long as you can put enough effort in, remain disciplined and dedicate time to it! I think your point there is quite valid, but since technology has advanced so rapidly, you can realistically learn most skills online now by a few quick google searches, taking notes, learning and applying them practically. I think it is quite cool how idols have a legacy that'll be remembered for a while. It's something I'd want to achieve before passing on, as even though making an impact, being remembered, etc isn't a neccessity it does in a way lessen the anxiety about passing on? It makes you feel like there is a chance that people will still mention you, bring you up, that what you did could be studied or researched by other people, that your story could motivate others into getting their shit together, etc. A lot of idols aren't in the right areas or families, though. I'll use BTS as an example here; some members had extremely poor families and were from a run-down agency that could never compete with the big 3. Look at where they are now? They single-handedly built up their label, going from Bighit to HYBE. Practice makes perfect, the more you practice, the more work you put in, the better you will get at that skill! Obviously, blind optimism isn't helpful but if you take the realistic steps in place to where you want to be in the next few years now; it will happen and you will succeed. I completely agree that we, as a society, have all become too screen obsessed and I'm also guilty of this, but it is an issue. It's caused a lot of parents to just let the screen teach their kids, too. I'm sure you have a lot to offer to the world, even if you might not think so. You can do it, though! I believe in you and I'm proud of what you have done so far :] !! I had a discussion with a friend about a similar topic to this, but a lot of trends now are fueled by "nostalgia" where things looked happier and less daunting to live in. I think after 2015 is when things started to spiral, but that's my personal take. You're more than free to disagree with anything I've said!! I don't think you should force yourself to be online, stick to the trends, etc. Do what makes you happy and you'll see yourself shine brilliantly! And yeah, a lot of delusional ideals are fueled by big companies nowadays, too, since fans will obviously put more money into those celebs if they feel like they might get "noticed" - which could also be why concert tickets are getting higher and higher even for newly debuted groups. That's my take on all this, though, feel free to respond and add on, agree, disagree, etc! <33

[oddvanilla]

THIS IS SOO SWEET OF YOU i also hear to hear you outtty💖💖💖💖💕💕

so i wanted to say that thinking too mcuh sucks and as a gal who was having intrusive thoughts at one point thats really sucks too. i fear of quite a lot, fear haunts me every day and it makes my life so much worse, i think to much and its not helping me at all, i lost some many opportunities to it BUT its not the end!!! even if you will pursue the wrong career, even if your awful overthinking will cut your friendships and make your 20s or something or 30s miserable its not thr end of the world my dear

i think thats everything after a whilr becomes less important. thoughts might be creeping into your brain, following your around in every silent minute you have without a distraction, but they will become so much less major some day

im not sure if this makes you feel relief or not

this doesnt mean that ypur anxieties, worries or fears are less important than you think, they are not for forevor and thats important to remember

and also, you shouldnt forget that.. thinking is also really important! it does not have to hurt!! imaging things, making up things and studying is the biggest gift to us human kind i think

you will be fine i believe in you 💓

HOLY ok first of all I'm tearing up second of all I'm smiling so hard rn. You don't know how long it's been since someone last gave me actual advice other than "it'll be okay". I love you SO much for this dude 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶 I tried listening to instrumental music and Imma say it's working pretty well. I forgot everything for a moment,, this is so sweet you're adorable <33

One day I wanna help people like you do,, I really want to 🙂 <- this is the first time I use this emoji because I'm actually smiling rn omfg

I hope your fears no longer haunt you,, you can face them one day. When you actually feel like you want it to end. You know, anxiety won't be there forever. Nothing lasts forever (yes it's bad but there's a bright side,, you will NEVER be in pain forever !!!!) love your mindset and I hope I get to understand you more sometime!! <33