#but NO in reality he’s just lying to himself because he doesn’t want to hurt himself with false hope | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

43qh · 8 months ago

Text

if i was honest (m)

quinn hughes x fem!reader

genre: angst, smut, fluff

warnings: unprotected sex, reminiscing, slow burn

word count: 5.1k

summary: it’s been over a year since you last saw quinn. why does it all still ache?

you huff, looking up to the sign of your previously favorite coffee shop. how could it be that one singular person could ruin a spot for you? your favorite spot, at that. it doesn’t take long before your feet rush inside, the aroma of coffee and the warmth enveloping you like it once did a year ago.

you look around, eyes spotting the booth you usually sat. your heart speeds up when you remember that someone normally sat across you in that exact booth.

quinn hughes.

his name alone makes you shiver. you make note that that shouldn’t happen to you anymore. it’s been over a year, his name had to mean nothing to you.

except it was hard when his name was plastered all over vancouver.

you had no bad memories with him, and you guessed why it all hurt as bad as it did.

“this is going to be hard,” quinn sighs, looking at you with sparkling eyes. he had guilt ridden all over his face. you wanted to wash it away.

“no, it’s not, quinn.” you were lying. you were lying for him, and maybe even for yourself. “your decision is hockey.”

quinn purses his lips together, “i- well, no not-”

“quinn,” you stop him with a smile while grabbing his hands, “this is not up for debate. you’re gonna do so great out there. i mean, you have been. the traveling has gotten to the both of us. it’s okay to accept that we weren’t ready for this.”

you stare at him, eyes tearing up with a bright smile on your face. quinn hated this. he didn’t want his relationship to end with you just because his career was getting in the way. but, this was how it was. he had to make a strong realization that he didn’t exactly have a lot of time now that he had become captain of the Canucks. it didn’t mean his heart didn’t ache at the thought of letting you go over it.

you squeeze his hands, tilting your head up at him to bring him back to reality, “i’ll support you. i’ll love you forever.”

sitting in the booth now, alone, feels quiet. the seat is colder than you remember. coffee more bitter than you remember. seat across you more empty than you want it to be.

you sigh, clutching your coffee in your hands. a guilty part of you wishes you could hate him. but, even if you did, you would most likely still love him anyway. you wanted to hate him for the fact that you could no longer wear blue without being reminded of his eyes that shined into yours. you wanted to hate him for the fact that you rotted so deeply in your apartment for months. you wanted to hate him for all the sleepless nights. but you couldn’t.

no, you really couldn’t.

he was out living his dream, creating his life. you couldn’t hate him for doing what was best for him. what is best for him.

that didn’t stop you from knocking twice on the wooden table for good luck before leaving though, just like you and quinn once used to do. together.

maybe quinn has forgotten about you. it has been over a year now.

you hope he’s safe.

“it’s a mistletoe, quinn.” you deadpan, looking at him as you hang it up in your hallway. quinn scrunches his nose. he always found those things a bit cringe. maybe cheesy traditions weren’t his thing, but they were yours. and he’d be willing to swallow his pride for you.

“now we kiss,” your smile is contagious, and quinn chuckles under his breath at your statement. his heart was being pulled by strings like he was a puppet you controlled as he walked towards you. your arms wrap around his neck.

quinn bares himself before actually kissing you. he has to admire the way you look under the christmas lights in the small hallway. he has to admire your smile and completely feel your touch before he can give in.

quinn has to sink himself into your world before he kisses you.

when his lips touch yours, he swears sparks erupt in his stomach. he can’t contain himself and he feels like he has to hold himself steady by gripping your waist with a soft touch. he’s not on earth anymore. at least, it doesn’t feel like it anymore. and you’re way up in the clouds yourself when you hear him sigh against your lips.

your eyes sparkle when you pull away, “not a bad tradition, huh?”

quinn laughs, shaking his head as he watches you with close eyes, “guess not.”

your hands put back the mistletoe. christmas is rolling around, and when you pull out old decorations, your mind wanders. you’re not sure if you want to cry or not. the memory was nothing to be sad about.

maybe it was just his absence during a holiday the two of you always spent together.

you sit on your couch, leaning your head back and staring up at the ceiling. this wasn’t the same place you made so many memories with quinn in. the ceiling was higher, the hallway was longer, and the rooms were bigger. you got your dream job, lived a little more in quinn’s absence. you moved somewhere you knew you wouldn’t catch quinn around.

changes weren’t easy. that doesn’t mean all of them were bad, though.

your sigh echoes and bounces off the walls. it’s empty and cold and quiet. something you had to become used to when you moved here. something you had to accept when you realized quinn’s laugh wouldn’t erupt in your ears anymore.

you had forgotten what he sounds like.

you were too afraid to look at interviews, his games, anything of the likes. you didn’t listen to his old voicemails, despite keeping them. and you never tried to talk to him.

his touch no longer lingered and his smell wasn’t around.

it was almost as if quinn never existed in your world.

but that wasn’t true. never could be.

he’d always live in your heart, no matter where you went.

you had wishful thinking.

for months, you would wait for a knock on your door, a ring of your phone, even a letter in your mailbox. when all of the hope stopped, that’s when things stopped reminding you of quinn. that’s when you decided to move. that’s when you isolated yourself from the thought of him.

your wishful thinking only made you delusional, so you had to leave the only place you knew quinn hughes in.

some memories flutter back to times when the two of you would laugh on the same bed you slept in, but the room didn’t have the same acoustics. his laugh was foreign and it wouldn’t have sounded the same in the new apartment.

even after a year, you couldn’t say you were fully over him. how could you ever get over someone you were sure was your soulmate?

maybe it was right person, wrong timing.

whatever it was, you knew it would continue to consume you in some way.

it’s like you know quinn tastes like mint, a cool mint that gets mixed with fruity flavors sometimes. but you can’t taste it anymore. can’t get a grip on it.

quinn still lives within you.

quinn still haunts you.

it’s all irreversable. not saying you would turn back time and never be with quinn, but you certainly would have been more cautious with your feelings.

your sighs seem to fill the empty room of your apartment more than you liked. tears no longer fall, but the ache in your chest and stomach still linger. your sheets don’t smell like him anymore. your bed isn’t as warm as it was with quinn in it.

“why are we doing this?” quinn’s eyes are glossy. you’re not used to seeing him like this. it was such a desperate plea. almost like he was the voice of a beggar. he held no shame as he gripped your waist, holding you tightly to try and remember the feeling of you.

you shake your head, “quinn,” you look at him like the stars align with him. it makes this hurt even more for him. how could you walk away? how was he supposed to walk away? “your new life will bring you happiness.” your hand lingers on his cheek, “i wish no pain.”

“this is painful.” quinn was quick, tears threatening to fall down his red cheeks. “will i ever see you again?”

if you were honest, you would have said no. “maybe.”

quinn looks past you for a moment, “we’ll find each other.” he states, “we did before, we will again.”

we did before, we will again.

coming home from work, you’re greeted by the empty walls of your apartment again.

oh, how you wished that were true.

“you’re saying you wouldn’t walk the aisle in my jersey?” quinn quirks an eyebrow, a small smile creeping on his lips.

you scoff, “no, quinn.” you smile back despite the huff in your answer. “if it matters that much, though, i’ll get a tattoo of your number or something.”

quinn smiles at you, full teeth showing, “you’d do that?”

you hand him a dish to place in the dishwasher, the last one, “for you? anything.” even if you had never believed in tattooing things on your body to remind you of people close to you, you would do it for quinn. did this make him different from the rest in your life? maybe. all you knew now, was that you were in love.

“i’d honestly just want you as my wife as soon as possible.” quinn looks sincerely as you both dry your hands after washing them. “i’d marry you now.”

you drape the rag around the handle of your oven, looking at him with a serious gaze, “wait a bit, loverboy. we’re still young.” you chuckle to yourself. quinn leans in to place a soft kiss.

“for you? anything.”

does he think about you the same time you think about him?

are his thoughts as clouded as yours are when the night turns cold on you? when the bed feels empty? when the air feels strict?

does he try to grasp for the feeling of you the same way you do for him?

quinn’s absence taught you how to be alone. how to deal with being lonely. you no longer wanted this fate.

the fate you both had picked for one another.

how was it fair?

to act as strangers when your wedding was talked about?

to act as if you never exchanged looks of love?

to act like nothing mattered anymore?

you clench your jaw, looking up at the coffee shop sign again. you feel rage all the way down to your feet as you wonder why this had been your fate.

life doesn’t play you like chess pawns, though.

you chose this.

when you walk into the aroma of coffee, your body stills when you smell a scent you hadn’t in over a year. it was like your body was registering the fact that your familiarity towards quinn hughes had never gone away, it had just been pushed back.

your booth. he’s sitting at your booth.

when he looks over, it’s like the two of you felt a string that once was snapped apart, snap back together. the natural attraction wasn’t new, but it had been over a year since you’ve felt it. since you’ve seen his face. his hair looked fuller, his face more scruffy, his eyes a little more dull.

you couldn’t stop the way your feet dragged towards the booth. your eyes not leaving his. the ache is indescribable. the pain shooting through your bones, down your spine, to your feet.

you sit across him, just like you used to.

quinn breaks the long silence first.

“i knew you weren’t being honest when you said ‘maybe’.” he confesses. your spit feels lodged in your throat as he continues, “but i was being honest when i said we would find each other again.”

tears prick your eyes. if you had been honest, maybe he would have moved on. even while knowing your dishonesty, though, he held hope for you. quinn wasn’t someone who gave up, even when being deceived.

you lick your lips, “i know.”

“someone told me they saw you here,” he clarifies why he was there, “no one had heard from you since we broke up. everyone said it was like you shut the whole world out.”

“i got a steady job.” you try to rectify your actions. “new apartment.”

quinn leans back, eyes studying your position, “somewhere not too close to me, i’m guessing.”

you look away, before nodding your head, “i think i dealt with it all too wrong.”

“no,” quinn says. “you did it your way. the only way you knew how.” he pauses, “so did i.”

you look at him, a tight breath in your chest. his gaze was strong, but you could still feel the softness behind his eyes. you wanted to fold, forget you ever left him. but you knew that wasn’t possible. you both left. you both let go.

“i never forgot you,” your confession lingers.

“me neither.”

how could either of you forget one another?

“i’m going to leave my number,” quinn states, slipping you a note that was pre-written already for your viewing, “i don’t expect to hear from you. but, knowing you have it, will bring me peace.”

those were his last words before he walked out the shop. you watched his stride, a lot more confident than back then. his complexion more pale. his shoulders more broad.

you look down at the number.

quinn made it your decision.

your final decision.

two weeks, two days.

it’s been two weeks and two days since you’ve last seen him. since he gave you his number. it’s also been two weeks and two days since you last spoke to him. your anxiety rides up your stomach every time you look at the digits on the paper made just for you. the paper taunts you as you lie to it, saying you don’t want it.

you managed to occupy yourself with work in the hours you could. but once your back hit your bed, everything comes back full force. the memory of quinn’s eyes boaring into your own. the memory of how scratchy his voice sounded. the memory of how you could still detect his cologne and shampoo through the coffee accents in the room.

it’s all too much, really.

you thought it wouldn’t ache like this anymore.

it’s been a year, afterall. how could it all ache the same way when you both departed? how could he feel so familiar and unfamiliar at the same time? how could his presence alone cause so many sleepless nights?

the obsession over a paper with numbers on it became unhealthy. you were scared to contact him. what if it was all different? you weren’t ready to see how different his life had become without you. you could already see some physical differences, but those eyes he carries never changed how he looked at you. you saw a sparkle when his eyes came into contact with yours. you saw the way he watched with diligence.

you were sure quinn wanted to approach you slowly, with care. you were sure quinn didn’t plan on giving you his number the second he saw you. but you also know that when he sees you, his emotions consume him first. he wasn’t at fault for that.

his heart was too big for you.

you always managed to be logical when it came to quinn. you thought letting him go was the right, logical thing to do. you know it burned the both of you straight through hell, but you only knew how to make logical decisions.

that’s why his number sat so long on your kitchen island.

if you call him, your love was no longer logical.

who were you if you weren’t logical? who were you, if not who you’ve always been?

your eyes flutter shut as you lay in bed, eyes watering as you torture yourself further.

maybe being logical didn’t fit in this situation any longer.

three weeks, 6 days.

you sigh as you press the elevator button to your apartment floor. work was your escape right now. and it seemed to please your boss with the way you stayed a little extra longer each night. your coworkers were worried, though. your eyes were drawing foreign bags, your hands more shaky than they used to be.

when you hear the ding of your floor, you walk slowly out the metal doors. you turn right, dragging your feet in the heels that were starting to ache. you drew in a breath of shock when you see a silhouette of a man you knew all too well. you pout, walking towards your door and seeing the way his eyes drew to the sound of your heels.

he leans against the wall beside your apartment door, eyes looking at you like you’re what he’s been looking for all his life.

“are you stalking me now?” your voice sounded tired, trying to make a joke.

quinn pushes off the wall, “you never called.”

“so you decide to come to my apartment?” you raise an eyebrow, reaching into your purse for your keys.

quinn rubs his hands together in an anxious manner, “you may not need me anymore,” he’s wrong, “but i need you.”

you pause after you twist the key into your lock, the unlocked door now taunting you. begging you to let him in.

against all judgement, you do.

“come in,” you walk inside first, letting the door linger open for him to follow. and he does, hastily collecting himself as he enters the room.

you were right. this was a new apartment. maybe too new. it looked nothing like your previous one, and he assumed it was because you needed a big change after him. he wondered just how much of you remained the same. he was sure you wondered the same thing about him.

quinn can smell the familiarity of your perfume, your favorite candle lingering in the air. he can even smell your shampoo and conditioner. it was all too familiar, and he wasn’t sure if it was suffocating or comforting.

he spots the couch in the living room, the same couch that was in your old apartment. it made his heart ache. he remembers just how many times the two of you accidentally fell asleep there, exhaustion consuming the both of you.

“yeah, i never had the heart to get rid of it.” you break the silence, placing your heels in the shoe rack by your door. “held too many memories.”

quinn nods his head, eyes locking with yours as he tears away from the couch. “i wouldn’t be able to either.”

you’re so close. he could touch you if he really wanted to. if he reached a hand out for yours, he could hold it. but he resorts to placing his hands into his pockets that itch for the comfort of your soft hands in his.

“why did you come here? it can’t be just because i never called,” you look at him with furrowed brows, reading him too clearly.

quinn shuffles where he stands, your gaze piercing right through him, “you still know me too well, huh?”

you look away for just a split second, “it’s not like i could shut it off if i wanted to. i know you know me too.”

you weren’t wrong. “you may not want me back. and i know that you still think you’re doing the right thing. but what is love if not fighting for it?” quinn’s words linger in your ears. “i’m not good with words, you know that. but when i saw you in the coffee shop, i felt like there was so much i could have said. so much i maybe should have said.”

you look at him and cross your arms, unable to say anything as he rambles back on.

“love is letting myself love someone, even though i’m still scared. it’s such a heavy thing we all carry,” quinn was never this deep. never really searched for the right words before this. “but i have to let it carry me as much as i carry it. and if i can’t carry you along with me, i think i’ll be holding out for love forever.”

you swallow, eyes tearing up despite your better judgement. you wanted to have a mind not carried by emotions. you worked so hard for it. but when it came to quinn, you knew he would win. every single time, he would win first.

“when did you become so poetic?” you sniffle out a joke, trying to lighten up the heavy mood. it doesn’t really work as you feel the weight of his words hold you down.

“when you left. when i left.”

quinn’s eyes search yours, he can see the tears brimming your wonderfully beautiful eyes. he hates to be the one to cause you so much pain, but he needed you to hear the words he’s been holding down his throat for too long.

you reach out a hand, and quinn is quick to take his hands out his pockets to reach for you. your hand is warm, while his are cold. the contrast between the two of you makes you both flinch a bit. the touch was electric, though. something you hadn’t felt in such a long time. something you knew would only be made from quinn.

you drag him closer to you, and his feet drag to you like a lost puppy. he was willing to receive anything you give him. anything.

you can smell the familiar cool mint, figuring he had previously chewed a piece of gum before seeing you. he was so close, making your body burn in its place.

“we should stop hurting one another,” you state.

“then let’s stop.” quinn leans closer to you, looking into your eyes, pleading with you.

you don’t say anything. the both of you quiet, the room an eery silence that sends shivers down your spine. you can feel quinn inching closer. and you can feel the way you don’t stop him.

when quinn’s nose brushes against yours, he takes a deep breath. you part your lips in a way that catches quinn’s eye. he expected you to push him back, say something that will be the definite end for the both of you. but when you just flutter your eyes shut in anticipation, he doesn’t miss the chance to kiss you.

and, god, do you ascend back to heaven.

your arms wrap around his neck, his hands finding purchase on your waist. he rubs soothing circles with his thumbs, making you hum into the kiss. it was slow, deep. something that held a certain type of ache that only the two of you could ever feel. it was a burning passion of hope. it was a kiss of forgotten hurt.

quinn swears he could stay like this forever. the feeling of your soft lips back on his after a year without it, nothing compares. the feeling of your fingers loosely gripping his hair. the feeling of your body pressing against his own. he could feel the goosebumps creeping up on his skin, despite the warm feeling in his chest.

you couldn’t find it in yourself to hold away anymore. his touch was heaven. his scent was your home. his presence was where you wanted to be. needed to be. you could deny just how much you needed him for the rest of your life, but you knew you would be lying.

if you were honest, this was where you belonged most.

quinn was patient. he’d call you when he couldn’t come see you, come see you any chance he could. and quinn made no advances that weren’t initiated by you first. there were a few kisses after the first in a long time, and it still felt the same as it always did. like you were being sent to heaven, despite the sins you may have commit.

a month passes, and quinn was slowly becoming part of your daily routine like he used to be. he was all too familiar, and yet unfamiliar all at the same time. there were some changes about quinn, but it was mostly either physical or with the way he loved you. quinn’s love always ran deep. but, this time, it seemed like he was willing to hide it all a bit better just not to scare you off. the thought makes you feel guilty. he knows you’re still walking on eggshells, and so he does too.

he responds to you perfectly. always saying what you need to hear. always being at a distance that makes you most comfortable.

tonight felt different, though.

you needed him closer.

when you kissed him this time, it felt feverish. it felt needy. quinn responded back with a scratchy groan, sending a shock through your system as you tugged him closer. he had only just walked through your front door before you were latching onto him, making him stumble a bit but catching his ground just as quick. he could feel the way one of your hands clutched tightly to his shirt. he could taste the chapstick on your lips, eagerly kissing you back like you needed.

quinn doesn’t take it a step further, despite your whines in his mouth. he can feel himself harden at the sound, but opts for just clutching onto your hips a little tighter to hold himself back.

“please, quinn,” you breathe as you barely give the boy some space between the two of you. not that he’d ever complain. “i need you.”

quinn’s hands find purchase beneath your shirt, feeling the way your skin burns just for him, “are you sure? we can wait a lifetime if you need to.”

“no, i’m so tired of waiting.” you kiss his jaw, making him hum. “made us both wait too long.”

you knew it was only a matter of time before you became full putty in the hands of quinn hughes. and you knew he would take care of you, no matter the circumstances. so, he agrees. nodding his head and kissing you slowly this time, almost selfishly agreeing to your terms.

when he makes way to your bedroom, he lets himself be consumed by everything you. when he looms over you, your back pressed into the mattress, you feel loved again. quinn takes his time taking off both of your clothes, letting room for you to stop and say no. but you never do, not even when you’re fully naked and looking more beautiful under the moonlight that glooms your bedroom.

quinn’s dick is just as you remember, but you can’t say you remember what it really felt like to have him inside you. you bite your lip in anticipation, looking up at him with innocent eyes that make him shudder.

“we can stop-”

“please, quinn.” you reach up, running a hand along the scruff of his cheek, “i love you.”

you were honest.

quinn doesn’t seem to need more than that as he quickly makes way towards your entrance, “i love you, too.” he kisses your temple as he easily slides into you, “forever.”

you can hear the strangle in his voice as he bottoms out, making you gasp and do your best to adjust to his size. you haven’t given yourself to a man since he left, making you squeeze your eyes shut with belated breaths and soft whines as you feel him fill up every corner of your cunt.

“so good,” quinn whispers in your ear, making you clench involuntarily. he groans at the sensation, “so tight, so wet, so warm.”

when he finally begins to move, you swear up and down that this was the best you’ve ever felt. your moans are uncoverable, loud and bouncing off your walls in a melody that quinn never wants to forget.

“f-feels so good,” you mutter out in a broken string of moans, stroking his ego just a little bit.

quinn nods, “fuck, yeah.” his voice was deeper, more hushed.

the movement of his hips pick up when he feels you start to clench more, delving into you in almost a selfish pace. he makes sure to check your facial expressions every now and then, making sure you’re still comfortable. when he feels your nails claw his back and your legs wrap around his waist, he no longer feels doubt. it’s all pure bliss for the both of you.

this was love.

“want to make you cum for me,” he huffs, “cum on my cock.”

quinn’s words hit straight through your gut, and you’re so close to your pent up release. quinn would be lying if he wasn’t, too.

quinn’s thrusts become a bit sloppier, but deeper, triggering a strong release within you suddenly. your pussy clenches as tight as possible around him, making him grunt as he follows with you, spilling his white, hot cum inside you. the feeling sends shivers down your spine, feeling more connected to him at the action.

when your breaths slow, you release your tight hold on him. quinn places a chaste kiss on your lips before going to grab a washcloth, cleaning the both of you.

“stay the night,” you look at him, and he can see the way your eyes drift with a nervous intent.

quinn only smiles, placing his boxers back on and grabbing you a fresh set of clothes, “of course.”

sleeping in his arms was home.

and it continued that way for such a long time. the two of you going just a few more months without labels needed. but it all felt like he had never left. like you had never left either.

the ache of your past still comes back every now and then, but quinn is right there by your side any time you start to doubt yourself.

“how do i deserve you?” you question, and quinn just shakes his head.

“how do i deserve you?”

old memories became washed out with new ones.

when quinn finally asked you to try again, all you could do was grin. your kiss sealed the deal, and the both of you swore to never be scared like that again.

to let love be.

this was you finally being honest.

#quinn hughes #quinn hughes smut #quinn hughes angst #quinn hughes fluff #quinn hughes scenario #quinn hughes x reader #quinn hughes fic #nhl #nhl fluff #nhl smut #nhl angst #nhl imagine #nhl fic #nhl hockey

548 notes · View notes

kinokkotsu · 1 year ago

Text

Satisfied — Yuuta Okkotsu x Reader

々 Today’s Music Recommendation: Dark Red By Steve Lacy

A/N: im waiting for Mappa to finally give the jjk fan service to Yuta girlies.

You have accepted the fact that Yuta has nothing for you.

He is such a sweet and innocent soul with a dedicated heart. You should accept the fact that he truly wants to focus on what he is doing right now or otherwise you’d be the bad person.

Your brain tells you — you’re selfish because your heart just wouldn’t stop the way you look at him so dearly nor stop the way you touch him so tenderly despite the fact that he is only second to Gojo Satoru. Besides he has vowed how his heart only belongs to Rika.

Somewhere along that sentence has shuttered your heart once.

You and him were close, extremely. Extremely to the point where you both easily sleep in each other’s room without breaking a guilt, no nasty or sexual behavior from that. Just as close friends.

Yuta only has you if Maki, Toge or Panda were away for a mission. You are always there to embrace his coldness and bare with it everytime he needs you. You study as a Jujutsu Medical Student to treat physical wounds of your patients but Yuta seems to believe you also have the ability to plaster his scars within his sensitive heart.

You enjoy the thing you have with him. Love doesn’t have to be this and that. You are satisfied with whatever you are sacrificing for him. You hope this would last forever but you know life doesn’t always go as planned.

Higher ranks have decided to send him overseas, and you don’t like where this has headed.

“that meeting was draining for sakes..,” Sighs Yuta who plots down on the bed, next to your warm body, after he has stood his sword against the wall.

Yuta groans in exhaustion while he stretches his legs like a child. He always acts like a kid every time he is back from those old people, though it would be lying if you admit you hate him whining over tiny problems.

“You shouldn’t have gone there if you already figured what it is going to be about,” you state, feeling Yuta lean into the crook of your neck while embracing your body.

He nods in your neck before sighing and holding you closer. “I just thought I needed to,” he says.

Silence fills up the room as you both kept quiet for a long time. No one is really in the mood to talk apparently, with all these missions and all these patients dragging the two of you down. The physical touch is the only way to express the burden you both are having.

The crickets in the background rhyme each seconds, entertaining the night as it goes on. The hoots of the owls alarmed how the night has been late for the humans to not fall asleep but neither of you couldn’t seem to close your eyes from exhaustion.

“..i must have to wait such a long time for you to come back,” you start the conversation, pushing your head back as you stare at the ceiling blankly.

He nods, again. Not wanting to spit a word nor waste his leftover energy comforting you.

Yuta has never felt so guilty doing this with you. Lately he could feel himself getting nervous and worried whenever you come to meet him even especially if you are busy. In fact he has been craving your touch than he ever had in the past, knowing he must leave you soon.

Rika might be his first love but he is convinced he has fallen in love once again. This time with you.

The way you touch him so tenderly as if he was as fragile as glass, The way you look at him so dearly that he could melt right in that place, everything you behave around him get him smiling like an immature child.

He knows how he is hurting you like this, how it must have been draining you to accept the fact that he feels nothing towards you when in reality it is all incorrect.

That is when Yuta back his face away from your neck and look at you, staring as your eyelids seem like they are about to shut down anytime soon. He stares as he continues detecting every inch of your face that is illuminated by the moonlight.

A countdown goes on his mind for a good while till your eyes completely close.

“take care..of yourself, silly” he whispers while he brushed the dark circles under your eyes. You have fallen asleep already and he knows it. You are a heavy sleeper, and that is one fact about you that he thinks is cute.

Jujutsu Sorcerers are not ones to be fortunate when falling in love. He knows if he did, one of their lives could end tragically due to how cruel the world can be. Keeping the problem folded is better than unfolding the problem before it leaves you miserable for life. He knows you are in love with him and he shamelessly admits he is a coward for letting himself avoid these problems.

The energy that remains in his body is about to run out yet he could not stop stealing glimpses of you.

He lets out one last sigh for the day before he gives a quick peck on your cheeks and smiles. He quickly pushes himself to the top as he embraces your head in his arms. Glancing over the top of your head before letting himself join the night with you.

Staying in the presence with you like this keeps him satisfied even if everything around him has turned into dust.

Just you and him against this ruthless world.

Reblogs and comments are really appreciated xoxo

1K notes · View notes

watchmegetobsessed · 1 year ago

Text

LOVE AND TOUR

A/N: im so excited to post this fic bc *drum roll* it's a collab with @harrysfolklore !! the post tour depression is still kicking our butts so we decided to team up for a story that features LOT! hope you guys will like it and as always, make sure to head over to her blog to check out her fic that features all social media posts for this story!

WORD COUNT: 5.1k

SUMMARY: Y/N and Harry were once friends, but his career pulled them apart. Then in 2019 Harry decides to invite her to ONO London and so their story begins or more like continues.

MASTERLIST | SUPPORT ME!

2010

The handmade banner hanging over the white board in the classroom is crooked and two balloons have popped already. The sign reads ‘Good luck, Harry!’ and every letter is a different color. The desks and chairs were pushed to the side to make room in the middle and the teacher’s desk is full of snacks and drinks the kids brought in for the little impromptu party the class decided to throw before Harry’s big day.

He is going to his big X Factor audition this weekend and though he is not convinced he will make it, everyone in school is rooting for him. If anyone deserves the success it’s Harry, the goofy, kind boy who makes everyone smile and always helps whenever he can.

The soon-to-be rockstar is mingling with his friends and classmates, music is playing in the background and the chatting is nonstop. Everyone keeps asking Harry if he’s nervous or ready or which judge he is afraid of the most. He tries his best to talk to everyone and be everywhere, though he keeps an eye on one specific girl.

Y/N has been staying in the back for most of the time, sipping on some soda, listening to her friend as he enjoys the spotlight. She’s been friends with Y/N for quite some time, they live just a street away from each other, they often bike to school together and whenever one of them is sick the other one can be expected to show up at their house with the homework.

Good friends. That’s what they are. But deep down, Y/N is definitely feeling more than just friendship towards the curly haired boy who is now set to step his foot on the road to fame.

When the party is over and everyone has headed home already, Harry and Y/N are the last ones to walk out of the school’s building.

“So, be honest, are you nervous?” she asks as they are walking home , pushing their bikes this time. Harry said he hurt his ankle at PE today so he better not get on the bike, but in reality… he is just trying to spend more time with Y/N.

“Kind of, yeah,” he admits with a chuckle.

“I’m sure you will crush it.”

“You think so?”

“I know so,” she smiles at him and his heart skips a beat.

Harry has been trying to work up his courage to ask Y/N out since probably the sixth grade, but he just never got to the point. Now he tells himself that if he gets into X Factor she will see him in a different light and that’s when he should ask her out, but little does he know he doesn’t need to be in a talent show to have her like him enough to want him.

Reaching her house she wishes him good luck and even hugs him before he waves goodbye and continues his way home. Y/N stands by their front door and watches him get farther away, hoping that whatever happens that weekend won’t change their friendship.

2013

The tour bus is quiet, everyone is asleep. Everyone, except Harry.

Lying in his bunk bed, his face is illuminated by his phone as he aimlessly scrolls on his social media apps, checking out posts by fans, reading news, just killing time. He knew he shouldn’t have had a nap earlier, because now it will be way too late by the time he can fall asleep and won’t be rested enough when they arrive in the next city.

He opens up Instagram and goes through his feed, he posts a picture he took of the crowd at the show the other day and then watches the likes flood in like crazy.

Going back to his feed he goes through his friends’ posts, it’s just the usual, parties, vacations, hanging out, everyone seems to be living their life even though Harry often feels like time has stopped since he’s gotten on the road.

He can feel himself growing sleepier and he is just about to put his phone down when he comes across a post that wakes him up.

Y/N is not one to post often, she is not like most girls he knows who want to share every and any moment of their life. Last time she uploaded something was probably weeks ago. This time she was snapped in her graduation gown, her hair flowing in the movement flawlessly and he recognizes her parents’ home in the background. It totally slipped Harry’s mind that in a life he left behind graduation was happening these days.

He scrolls down to the caption and all it says is “Soon” and then a crown emoji. It’s enough for him to know she’s going to King’s College London, that’s what she always dreamed about and it seems like she hasn’t changed her mind.

Before he could think about it, he double taps on the picture liking it, completely oblivious to how fans can see his activity and they instantly start guessing about who the girl is whose graduation photo was liked by Harry Styles.

2014

The screaming intensifies wherever Harry goes on the stage, he is jumping and shaking his long hair to the music while his bandmates are singing ‘Steal My Girl’ and the girls are going crazy, the energies are insane, Harry loves performing, this is truly his element.

He’s been on the road for what feels like forever and if you asked him what day it was, he would have no idea. It’s a miracle he knows which city he is currently in.

Walking to the side of the stage he stops for a moment right before the bridge that’s his part. He lifts his mic to his lips and starts singing when the music dies down right before his lines.

“She knows, she knows, that I never let her down before…”

His voice fills up the stadium, thousands are singing together with him and he runs his gaze over the sea of people in front of him. He sees so many faces, some are even familiar, Harry tends to remember fans he sees over and over again at their concerts, but most of them are new. The song carries on and the boys start singing along with him, Harry is about to move back to the middle of the stage, but then he sees her.

He sees Y/N.

Or so he thinks. It’s hard to tell, because it’s dark and she is so far away from the stage, it could be just someone who resembles her, but something in his gut tells him it’s her.

He does a double take, losing the familiar face for a moment but then he finds her again and a shiver runs down his spine. He hasn’t seen her in years, life has been simply way too hectic to keep in touch, last time he met her was probably in 2012 when he went home for Christmas, they ran into each other in town and promised to talk soon because they were both kind of in a hurry, but they never followed up with it. Y/N went to college, Harry’s career was skyrocketing, it was impossible to stay as close as they were before X Factor and Harry always regretted not trying harder, because now he has no idea what’s happening in her life.

Niall walks up to him and pats him on the back and Harry’s focus shifts to his friend for just a moment, but it’s enough to not find her again when he looks back at the audience. Did she duck down? Walk out when she realized he was looking? Or did he just entirely imagine seeing her and it was just a mirage?

He can’t get her out of his head for the rest of the show and he finds himself looking for her over and over again, but he doesn’t see her again and his consciousness starts to convince him she wasn’t even there.

It was just a cruel trick his own mind played on him.

2019

Why does he feel like he is sending out an invitation to the Queen of England? Why is he so nervous to hit send on an email? This is nothing Earth shattering, nothing will happen if he sends it out and life will go on even if she never replies.

One Night Only is set to happen in a few weeks and Harry is now sending out his invitations to his friends and family, he wants everyone who matters to be there on such a big night. Making the list was no hard task, but then he thought of inviting Y/N as well even though they haven’t talked in so long.

The other night, Harry found himself stalking her Instagram which he is still following. She has been posting once or twice a month, tiny glimpses into her life that doesn’t include Harry anymore.

But he wants to change that.

“Fuck it,” he mumbles under his breath and then adds her to the list of people who will get the invitation and then he just hits send and it’s officially out there.

Harry is not necessarily one to get overly obsessive about something, but the next few days he finds himself checking his inbox every hour, scrolling through the new emails, looking for one particular address to show up, but he has to come to the conclusion every time that Y/N hasn’t answered.

Days go by, Harry’s enthusiasm fades and by the end of the week he is convinced she won’t be there and soon he doesn’t even have time to think about it.

One Night Only arrives to London in december. The venue fills up with excited and devoted fans, but no one is more nervous about tonight than Harry.

He is ready, his band is ready, everything is perfectly in place, but he knows he won’t feel fully calm until he is on stage, performing to the people who gave him this amazing life.

It all goes as planned, Fine Line is finally officially out there (it has been for about a week if we are being exact) and Harry couldn’t be happier. Coming off the stage he is still high on adrenaline, taking all the congratulations the crew and guests are giving him relentlessly. His smile is so wide, it’s starting to hurt his face, but it’s a pain he could happily deal with for the rest of his life.

He hugs his mum and sister, all his old friends, they do a group hug with the band and he is sure he has greeted everyone by now, but then he spots one specific figure in the back of the room.

At first he thinks he is just imagining it. That his mind is playing the same trick on him it did a few years ago when he thought he saw Y/N at one of their concerts. Blinking a couple of times he is ready to watch her disappear like a ghost, but as the seconds go by he realizes that she is truly there.

Y/N is standing across the room with a nervous smile, looking all grown up and most importantly fucking beautiful. Even though Harry has seen plenty of pictures of her from recent times, it’s still a shock to have her stand in the same room as him.

His body moves before his brain could process it. His feet start to carry him towards her and before he even realizes he is running and when he finally reaches her he wraps her in his arms, twirling her around, making both of them laugh.

“You’re here!” he breathes out, still hugging her even when he has put her down.

“I am, you invited me!” she chuckles and they finally lean back enough to look at each other.

“I know, but… you never replied, I didn’t think you’d come and… You are actually here,” he repeats.

“Sorry I didn’t reply, I wasn’t sure until the very last minute if I would come,” she admits nervously.

Harry’s invitation was all she could think about since the morning she got the email. It was more than unexpected, for a moment she even thought it was just some kind of prank, but it came from Harry's old email address, so she had to believe that it was genuine. She hesitated until probably a few days ago when she woke up one day and just knew that she had to be here tonight.

“It’s okay,” he smiles at her softly, taking in her every feature. The girl he knew is still there, but she changed a lot, she looks so much more mature and her features have definitely gotten a lot more feminine.

She looks gorgeous.

Suddenly it all comes down on him clashing, all the questions, the feelings, he wants to know everything, but he fears they don’t have enough time.

“How long are you staying?” he then asks.

“I took a couple of days off, I’m staying for three more days.”

He sighs in relief.

“Come on,” he smiles, his hand taking hers. “I want to know everything.”

“Everything?” she chuckles, ignoring the tingles wherever his hand is touching hers.

“Harry, don’t assault the poor girl! She almost didn’t come!” Gemma chimes in. Harry stops, his eyes snapping back and forth between Y/N and his sister.

“Wait, you knew she would be coming?” he asks Gemma, who is sipping on some champagne with a knowing smile. She shrugs.

“Yeah.”

“And you didn’t tell me?” he scoffs, hands on his hips. The sight makes Y/N laugh, because she can see his sixteen year-old self in the pose so vividly, it’s insane.

“You never asked,” Gemma says and walks away. Harry turns back to Y/N.

“She messaged me if I got your invitation,” she admits.

“So you’re telling me, all I should have done is to send you a message and ask for confirmation?”

Y/N just chuckles, shrugging her shoulders innocently. Harry exhales as he shakes his head.

“Alright, now you truly have to tell me everything.”

2020

“Can you hear me?” Harry asks, as the FaceTime finally loads and Y/N’s pixelated face fills his phone’s screen. He leans back on his plush couch and he tries his best to ignore how fast his heart starts pounding in his chest when he hears her laugh.

“Yeah, I can hear you,” she answers and it seems like she just sat down somewhere too.

Struggling with the unstable connection they share how their day has been so far, though Harry has been up just for a few hours while Y/N’s is almost over. The time difference has been making it hard for them to keep in touch, but Harry has learned his lesson and he bends his schedule around these talks, because there’s no way he would waste even a moment he could spend talking to her.

ONO and the days that followed changed everything. It didn’t take long for Harry to realize that his boyish crush is still very much present and after seeing her it quickly evolved into something more mature. Seemingly, Y/N has been sharing these feelings, because it appears she enjoys spending time with Harry in any way possible just as much as he does.

It took them quite some time to catch up and it feels like they still haven’t shared everything they missed in each other’s life in the past years, but they know they have all the time they need, even if the circumstances might not always be the best. They are both trying their best.

There’s a comfortable silence in their call where both of them are just staring at each other through the screen. The unsaid things have been hanging there between them, they know it’s more than just their old friendship rekindled, but saying the words out through a FaceTime call wouldn’t be right.

“I miss you,” Harry finds himself mumbling the words, kind of to himself, but she hears the words.

“I miss you too,” she replies, biting her lip as she adjusts the phone in her hands.

“Can I… Can I see you before I go on tour?”

“That’s like… in three weeks,” she chuckles.

“I know. But I want to see you.”

“I don’t know, I have a regular, mundane job, I’m not an international rockstar who can just travel whenever it’s convenient,” she reminds him jokingly.

“Okay, then let me visit you.”

“You’re way too busy to come here.”

“I’m never too busy for you.”

She gasps at his words, the pink clouds so thick around her mind it’s almost sickening. If only she could reach out and through the screen…

“Let’s talk about it tomorrow and if you still think the same, we can… figure something out,” she smiles shyly. Harry knows he’ll feel the same tomorrow and the day after and forever. So he just smiles and nods.

They chat some more until Harry has to leave. Unwillingly, but they end the call and return to their separate lives.

Y/N stays on her couch, her phone still in her hands and Harry on her mind. Her TV is on, but it’s been muted, the screen is the only thing illuminating her in the dark room. With a tired sigh she reaches for the remote and turns the volume back on.

The news are on. She stands from the couch and starts cleaning up, not even listening to what they are talking about on the screen.

“... therefore COVID-19 has been officially declared a pandemic. WHO warns everyone to wear a mask in all public places, countries with a high number of cases are urgently discussing what other safety measures should…”

Y/N is questioning her sanity. She has been for the past week that was spent packing her suitcase, she took three covid tests in the last two days and now she is about to board a private jet at an airport that’s scarily empty. The last part shouldn’t be surprising, the whole world is under lockdown because of the pandemic, Y/N has spent her last month isolated in her apartment, right until one day Harry begged her to fly over to him.

“Y/N, please. I will settle everything, I’ll send a private jet for you, pay for it all, just please… please come here and be with me!”

There’s probably nothing she can deny from him. So here she is, escorted onto a private jet by an airport worker, they are both wearing their masks, just like everyone she has seen in the past week preparing for her travel.

Just as she settles in her seat on the jet, her phone buzzes from a text.

HARRY: Everything alright? Are you boarding already?

With a smile hidden under her mask she types her reply.

Y/N: On the plane, we’re taking off in 10.

HARRY: I can’t wait to see you.

Last time she traveled overseas was for a vacation years ago. She flew commercial then and it felt like hell, wedged between an obnoxious little boy and a middle aged woman who complained about everything. Now it’s just her and literally one single stewardess who is there to serve her. It’s a whole different experience for sure.

Luckily, the journey feels a lot shorter when she’s comfortable, she can get up anytime and eat excellent food instead of some weird frozen meal on a plastic plate. By the time the jet touches down she feels rested and most importantly excited to see Harry again. It feels like forever when they had to say goodbye in december and in all honesty, it took them way longer to reunite, but it’s all because of the pandemic. It’s late april now, they were planning to meet about a month ago originally at the end of march before his tour was set to kick off. By now he was supposed to be on the road through Europe, but instead, he has been under lockdown just like the rest of the world.

She walks through LAX as if it was zombie land, it’s so eerily empty she is expecting zombies to round the corner any minute, but it never happens. She reaches the car waiting for her, the driver loads her begs to the trunk and then they are off to Harry’s place.

It’s her first time at Harry’s LA home, and naturally it still baffles her to see where he’s gotten from his old life in Holmes Chapel, one that included her.

But his life includes her now as well, she reminds herself just as the car rolls up the long driveway. Getting out of the car she is about to grab her suitcases from the back of the car when the front door flies open and Harry sprints out. Literally.

He is running towards her with such speed, she almost gets knocked over when he finally reaches her and locks her in his arms, twirling around in the air.

“You’re here!” he breathes out, making her laugh.

“Were you not expecting me?” she teases him when he finally puts her down, but his arms remain around her.

“It’s just… I’m so happy to see you,” he smiles widely, taking her in. She hasn’t changed much since December, maybe her hair has gotten a little longer, but she looks the same.

However their feelings are nowhere near the same.

He thanks the driver and then grabs all her bags, urging her to come inside. Y/N wanders further into his home exploring it right away, already migrating towards the pool outside. Harry sets her luggage down in the hallway and walks after her, watching her stop by the sliding doors, admiring the enormous backyard. She turns around and catches him staring.

“What?” she asks, nervously laughing.

“Nothing,” he shakes his head. “I’m just really happy you’re here.”

2021

He’s nervous. There’s no use in denying, anyone could see it. But no one can blame him, it’s been so long since he last stood on a stage, he’s afraid he lost his groove, though the people who know him beg to differ.

Washing his teeth in his fluffy robe he is eyeing his outfit for tonight that’s hanging in the corner. He knows his fans will love it, the color pink alone would make them go feral, but the sparkly vest with no top underneath will be surely like they won the jackpot.

He spits and rinses his mouth just when there’s a soft knock on the door and just by the rhythm of it he knows who it is.

“Come in!” he calls out, wiping his mouth with a towel just when Y/N pokes her head inside, her body following a second later.

“Hey,” she smiles shyly, taking him in for a second as he moves around the room.

“Told you, you don’t have to knock when you come in,” he chuckles.

“But, what if you’re… naked or something?”

He stops and stares back at her, giving her an ‘Are you kidding me?’ look that gets her all flustered in an instant so he decides to take it even further.

“Nothing you haven’t seen, baby. In fact, you can see it right now if you wanted to.” He starts untying his robe, but she stops him laughing and taking the opportunity of having her so close now he wraps her in his arms and kisses her.

It never gets old. The feeling he gets whenever he gets to kiss her, whether it’s a good morning kiss right after he wakes up, or a tired kiss at the end of the day, a needy kiss when he just wants her more than anything or a make-up kiss after a fight, which doesn’t happen often. He can count it on one hand how many times they got into an argument since they’ve become an item in April 2020, when Y/N spent most of the lockdown with Harry. Originally, she planned to stay only for a couple of weeks, but she didn’t return home until the start of June and she was back by July.

Now it’s September 2021, so it’s been almost one and a half years since then and they are still just as in love as they were during lockdown.

“You’re nervous,” she mumbles against his lips and it’s not a question. She knows him, all of his looks, his movements, she knows what he thinks about most of the time if not always, she can read him like a book.

Harry hums and just goes in for another kiss.

“You’ll be amazing, don’t worry,” she smiles at him, patting his chest as she pulls back. “And even if you make a mistake, the pink sparkles will distract everyone,” she jokes, nodding towards his outfit.

“You’ll be out there?”

“Of course. I’ll be the one screaming the loudest.”

“As loud as last night?” The cheeky grin that stretches across his face is proof that he is not that nervous if he can make dirty jokes.

“Shut up or I’m going home,” she laughs, poking a finger into his chest teasingly. He grabs her finger and pulls her back for another kiss.

“Nope, you’re stuck here. With me,” he smirks, lips coming over hers again.

2023

The bittersweet feeling has been lingering around the crew not just all day, but probably for a week now. Everyone knew that the end was coming and now that the final show is officially here, the emotions are overflowing. Everything they are doing, they are doing it for the last time on Love On Tour. It’s the last stage, the last sound check, last time Wet Leg takes the stage before Harry and it’s the last time Y/N is sitting in his dressing room, watching him put on his outfit of the night.

She can sense that he is different than he usually is before a show, he seems antsy and his eyebrows have been furrowed probably since lunch. Y/N watches him pace the floor back and forth in his sparkly outfit, nervously fixing the wire behind his neck even though it’s exactly in the same spot it usually is.

“Do you want me to help?” she asks and Harry stops in his tracks, as if he just realized what he’s been doing. His hands fall by his side as he exhales sharply.

“Sorry, just… fidgeting.”

Y/N stands from the couch and walking over she absentmindedly fixes his fringed vest, planting her palms onto his chest gently.

“It’s okay to be sad, H,” she reminds him. Harry tends to hide his big, sad feelings, because he feels like it would bother others. He is always so considerate about dealing with everyone else’s feelings, but this time his emotions should be in focus as well.

“I don’t want to be sad, that’s the thing. It was a great experience, sadness should not be a thing when I think of Love On Tour.”

“But that’s why it’s okay to be sad. Because this amazing experience is ending and it’s natural that you’re mourning it. It lasted, what? Like almost two years? And if we count in the planning, this tour has been part of your life since 2019. That was four years ago, no one expects you to just let go of it laughing.”

Harry nods, his arms snaking around her waist as he pulls her into his embrace, needing to feel her close in this overwhelming moment. She’s been his anchor, the person he could turn to no matter what during this insanely long tour, he’s convinced he couldn’t have done it all without her.

Not even Harry can slow time down, so the moment to step onto the stage for the last time in this tour finally comes. Y/N stands with his family and friends at the side, holding Anne’s hands whenever an emotional song is played by him. He puts one thousand percent into it, just like every time on this tour and Y/N’s chest swells with pride when she realizes that it’s one hundred thousand people screaming at her lover.

Or fiancé, to be exact.

When Harry sings Falling, to his fans’ surprise, she notices him looking for her in the crowd. The song is melancholic and it was written about a time he felt at his lowest, but to look in his eyes tells it all to Y/N.

He is not there anymore, because he has her.

She’s twisting her diamond ring around her finger as tears dwell in her eyes while she sings along to the song, hoping that her expression tells him too, that she is happy to be the person who brought light into his life, because he did the same to her.

Then the time comes for Harry’s thank you speech and no eye is left dry after his words. Y/N has to swallow back her sobs when he turns to her and addresses his words straight to her.

“My love, thank you for everything, you were such a big part of this journey and I hope that our journey will continue forever.”

The fans are screaming, phones are pointed at her, recording her reaction as she just nods eagerly, one hand covering her wobbling lips.

For his final piano piece Y/N moves backstage to watch him from there and be there when he walks off the stage for the very last time in the history of Love On Tour. She is standing there with the proudest and most emotional expression on her face when Harry jumps down the steps and he smashes into her arms right away, burying his face into the crook of her neck. She can feel his tears against her skin and she gently keeps combing her hand through his hair, giving him as much time to recover as he needs.

When he finally lifts his head his eyes are glassy, but there’s a smile on his lips.

“You did amazing,” Y/N tells him, gently wiping his cheeks with her hands.

“And you did too,” he says and his words make her laugh.

“I didn’t do anything.”

“You did the absolute most, Y/N. You gave me your love and support and I couldn’t have done it without those.”

Her heart melts as she pushes up to her tiptoes, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips.

“You’ll forever have those. You’ll forever have me.”

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed and buy me a coffee if you want to support me!

#harry #styles #harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfic #harry styles oneshot #harry styles one shot #harry styles fluff #harry styles x you #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x reader #harry styles blurb

1K notes · View notes

spngi · 4 months ago

Text

My tears ricochet | mafia!carlos sainz jr x reader

Prologue | part 1

Part 2

summary: Mr. and Mrs. Sainz lived in a dream for many years, now everything is falling apart and they need to deal with their feelings

warnings: Grammar mistakes, mentions of violence, Carlos is an idiot, mentions of cheating

My blood boils; Carlos’s words repeat in an infinite loop in my head. My hands tremble with rage, and I press them on the table to try to contain the impulse to simply rip that smile off Carlos’s face.

“You wouldn’t do that “ my words come out slowly, trying to maintain the little patience I have left. “You can’t do this.”

“Or what? Are you going to threaten me now too, dear?” Carlos asks, his relaxed figure at the table and his tone full of irony.

I stand up from the table, and the chair scrapes loudly as it moves away. I look through the glass door at the inevitable: that woman in my house, lying on one of the loungers, wearing a bikini, as if she already belonged to this house.

I feel even more irritated, or perhaps sad. I feel invaded by all of this. I turn back to Carlos; I have the urge to throw all the objects in that room at him, to hurt him the same way he’s hurting me.

“She must be low enough to accept the role of mistress” I insult her in the end.

“She knows it won’t be for long” he replies.

“Well, I can agree with you… she won’t stay for long” I approach Carlos and lean in until I’m at eye level with him. “Pay attention to what I’m going to say, Carlos. I will always be your wife, I will be by your side whether you want it or not… this girl might be getting a bit of your attention now, but she will never be anything more than a fling because, at the end of the day, the only one who has the privilege of wearing this ring is still me.”

Carlos’s brown eyes watch me as I speak. He doesn’t bother to respond but seems irritated nonetheless.

“She will never be welcome in this house, Carlos… so spare her the humiliation and get her out of here as soon as possible!” I add, and before stepping away, I kiss the corner of his lips.

I don’t wait to see his reaction to the gesture; I quickly leave to distance myself from that situation before I lose control and throw that cheap model out of our house. I lock myself in one of the farthest rooms of the house and fight the strong urge to go back and throw the crystal candelabrum at Carlos’s head.

I sit on the floor at the foot of the guest bed, a pillow in hand to muffle my screams and the occasional sobs of crying. I couldn’t take it anymore; I couldn’t understand why Carlos was doing this to me.

Before the accident happened a few months ago, we were talking about starting a family, about filling this house with children. But after that day, everything changed.

I still have nightmares about how it all happened, how my car flipped several times on the road, the pain I felt, and the terror I experienced seeing all the armed men approaching me. Carlos managed to find me quickly enough so that no further harm was done; he stayed by my side throughout my recovery and tripled the security. But when I got better and asked him for revenge on those who escaped, he changed.

My fear had turned into anger, and I needed to know that those animals would never come back to hurt me, I needed to know that I had killed them with my own hands. But he never agreed with that; it led to many discussions and arguments. He never wanted to give in, even with his father’s words supporting me, Charles’s, Lando’s, and some other allied family heads. He promised he would do the job himself, that he would never leave any of them alive, but he didn’t understand that wasn’t what I needed. And when I went against his will, when I got what I wanted, everything began to fall apart.

The door opens in front of me, bringing me back to reality. I see Lando enter the room; it’s not the first time he has found me here. This room had become a hiding place for me, so I could hide during crises or just cry without being heard.

Lando walks into the room. I point to the dresser near him, and he smiles slightly. He opens the last drawer, already knowing where I hide my things. He pulls out a bottle of bourbon and a glass.

“I’m giving you a break today. Drink with me” I try to smile at him “and grab one of those cigars too, I need my complete pity party.”

“How are you?” he asks in the end, sitting next to me and spreading the items on the floor.

“Terrible” I pour the drinks. “Is she still out by the pool?”

“Yes. If it’s any consolation, Charles and I asked the staff not to take any orders from her.” Norris says, and the gesture makes me a bit happy to know that I can still count on him.

“Thank you, Lando, you’re a good friend. And Charles too, is he upset about what I did yesterday?”

“He understands, Y/N.” Lando offers me the lighter so I can light the cigar.

“You know what annoys me?” I ask him between puffs. “If the situation were reversed, the man who dared to step into this house would already be dead. Carlos wouldn’t think twice about doing it. And I could never live with myself knowing I did that, even though now I can think of a thousand ways to do it to her.”

“You’re a good person, Y/N. You know that, and Mr. Sainz knows it too… he’s just trying to challenge you or whatever his game is.”

“I don’t know if I still have the strength to play, Lando” I murmur to him, the alcohol in my mouth calming me.

“You know I’ll be here by your side, whether you want to continue or if you want to give up… you’re my friend, Y/N, I will always support you”

“Thank you, I hope I can repay all your support someday” I smile at him and pass the cigar to him.

“Does Mr. Sainz know you stole these from his collection?” Norris asks and takes a drag on the cigar.

“He can go fuck himself” I murmur and take a sip of the drink.

One more chapter! I hope you guys are enjoying it!

Leave your comments and opinions ❤️

#f1 imagine #f1 x reader #f1 fanfic #cs55 x reader #carlos sainz au #carlos sainz #cs55 #mafia!f1 #mafia au #mob!carlos sainz #carlos sainz x reader

188 notes · View notes

lawsvalentine · 2 years ago

Text

How They Flirt • OP Men HC •

Characters: Luffy, Zoro, Usopp, Ace, Law

CW: slightly suggestive on some but overall fluff, bit of humor

Cee’s Note: Be honest ya’ll…..would you fold? 👀

Luffy

VERRRY touchy 👀

Mans is literally attached to your hip

If y’all are standing, he wraps his arms around you and holds you from the back

If y’all are sitting, he either has his arm over your shoulder or he’s resting his head against your chest

If y’all are lying down, he’s either laying on your stomach/ass or cuddling you

The funny thing is he does it like it’s the most normal thing in the world

Your in the middle of a conversation with the girls.

“Hey guys! What island are we heading to next?”

Luffy comes up behind you and wraps his arm around your waist. Despite your flustered face and the girl’s weird looks. Luffy carries on the conversation without a second thought.

Luffy is also very blunt with his feelings

You will not have to question whether he is into you bc trust me he will make it KNOWN

Nami had to knock him silly a couple times for blurting out something inappropriate

Zoro

Zoro is more lowkey with his flirting

He will playfully tease you by calling you princess and dollface just to start banter between you two

He finds it so hot that you challenge him and don’t back down from his taunts

He likes seeing how passionate you get when you too bicker

He sees you carrying something heavy

“I don’t think you can handle all that, princess.”

“I can handle myself just fine, tough guy”

PLS his dick is so hard for you sgdhdj

Even though you say you can handle yourself that doesn’t stop zoro from doing things for you

Not that he doesn’t think you can, but it’s just in his nature to want to protect you and help you

Despite all this, don’t expect him to confess his feelings first sgshdj

You will have to be the one to make the first move

Usopp

Mans will say every and anything to impress you shshdj

Just lying straight through his teeth about “being an expert” at whatever the hell you are interested in lol

If you suddenly pick up a hobbie for shell collecting, suddenly he is the shell connoisseur and will go out of his way to find shells for you

“This one is so pretty Usopp, thank you!”

“Oh please, this little one is nothing! You should see the massive collection of shells I have back at Drum Island. It will blow you away!”

This man….

He will also try and act like he’s so experienced saying he’s been with so many women when in reality the farthest he’s gone was a hug by nami sgshdjdj

If you play along and take him up on his offer to “rock your world” you will have him a flustered stuttering mess 😭

Ace

Ok let’s be real….

Ace got the best rizz out of all the men here sgdhhd

He is just naturally charismatic and charming without even trying

But ironically when he’s actually trying to put the moves on you he can be corny asl 😭😭

I’m talkin pick up lines corny shdhjd

“Does your feet hurt?”

“What are you-“

“Because you’ve been running through my mind” 😏

“…..” 🧍��‍♀️

He’s so…..

Let’s just say he’s lucky he’s pretty lol

Law

This man does not know how to flirt to save his life sgshdjjd

If you actually thought he had rizz be so fr 😭

Mans is antisocial and keeps to himself

But when he does have a crush he literally doesn’t know how to handle it sgdhdj

His way of flirting is trying to give you fun facts about anatomy sgshdj

“Did you know that the female body is naturally more flexible than men due to them having more elastins in their tendons”

“Ok…..good to know?”

PLS he’s such a nerd shddjj

He’ll also gush about his favorite comic if you show an interest in it so prepare for even more facts 😭

Just like Zoro, will absolutely not make the first move so you will have to literally spell it out to him that you like him sgdhjd

#one piece fanfic #one piece fanfiction #one piece headcanons #monkey d luffy headcanon #monkey d luffy fanfiction #monkey d luffy x fem reader #roronoa zoro headcanons #roronoa zoro x reader #usopp x reader #portgas d ace x reader #portgas d ace headcanons #trafalgar law x reader #trafalgar law headcanons

2K notes · View notes

offbrandkyoya · 5 months ago

Text

[21]

m.list next

In all honesty, Kageyama didn’t want to do this.

He felt horrible for letting this situation stretch, but he feared that his crush would hate him if they found out. I guess Kageyama is a huge coward. He already made things worse by getting milk chans class wrong.

He sighs, hitting the back of his head against the wall. As a cue, Milk Chan walks out of the classroom, wanting to investigate the noise Kageyama made. “Oh! It looks like you got my class right this time.” They smile, and Kageyama awkwardly nods. “Uh yeah.”

“What’s that?” Milk Chan asks, pointing at the bag he’s holding. Kageyama straightens up and hands it over to them. “Meat buns. I bought you some.” They blush and gratefully take it. “Thank you so much. You didn’t have to.” “But I did.” There’s a bit of silence before Kageyama clears his throat.

“I was going to write your name on the bag,” he starts. “But… I don’t know how to spell your name. Milk changed their head. “You don’t know how to spell my name?” He shakes his head. “Did you sound it out?” “Yeah, but I didn’t want to be wrong.” He pauses. “And make a fool of myself.”

They simply smile. “Aw, that’s okay. I’ll write it down for you. Let me go back inside and get-“ “Wait.” Kageyama interrupts, which startles them a bit. “Is everything okay? It really isn’t a big deal.” They say, but Kageyama sighs. “I don’t actually know your name.” They blink in confusion. “Excuse me?” Kageyama looks down.

“I never knew your name from the beginning. I was going to ask, but you knew mine, and I felt terrible. I didn’t want to hurt your feelings because, in reality, I wasn’t sure who you were. That doesn’t change how I feel about you, though!” Kageyama's face turns red. “I still care about you because you’re my friend! We started getting closer, and I tried to find out on my own, but I couldn’t. I felt like a terrible person lying to you for this long. I’m… I’m really sorry.”

Slowly, he looks at his crush. They stand there in disbelief, clutching the bag like it was going to vanish soon. Kageyama could tell that he had ruined what they had. Kageyama looks down again in shame. “I’m sorry.” He whispers.

“L/n.” He looks back at them in shock. They were smiling, and it was rather comforting. “L/n Y/n, but you can call me Y/n.” Kageyama blinks, then positions himself properly. “You’re not mad at me?” They laugh, “No, I’m not. Disappointed? A little, but I’m glad that you cleared it up. I admire your honesty.”

Kageyama blushes and scratches his head. “T-Thank you.” They laugh again. “Do you have any social media?” They ask, and he instantly responds with a yes. They exchange account information and even their numbers. Y/N smiles even more. “I have to go back now. Thank you again for the meat buns, Kageyama.”

He smiles too and nods. “You’re welcome, Y/n.” It felt so nice saying their name, and seeing how delighted they were to hear it just made his stomach bubble. “Bye.” They waved, and he waved back. “Bye.”

YIPPEE YN

fucking finally tired of calling yall milk chan

jk rip milk chan 😢😢💔💔💔💔💔

@karma-gisa @cosmiicdust @abcdefghijklmzopqrstuvwxyz @writing-for-the-hell-of-it @xmagik @tnazips @zhochikennugget @makkir0ll @asp7n @hrkdlsjz @lucky-chars @azharyy @gigiiiiislife @ahnneyong @rouzuchan @bakarinnie @djmoyolehuani @rinheartshyunlix @weirdowithaphone @luvvmae @diorzs @stefnarda @ilovecandys2010 @samvagejkflxhrt @fishrene @goldenchildee @empress-pug-pug @muskratlove @krak-jj @romyoia @yukii-1 @lovingvi

144 notes · View notes

nightwonder7 · 3 months ago

Note

i’m so :(( thinking of fool’s golden being afraid of hurting alice he avoids her like the plague for a while but he’s still norton so there are times where he can’t help but want to pick her up and hug. at first alice was freaked out, norton or not fool’s gold is huge and any sudden movement could end up with a broken bone on her end, but when she notices how still he’s trying to be as to not hurt her and how his grip is surprisingly loose compared to how norton’s survivor identity hugs her she can’t help but pull through the rough edges and cold seeping through her clothes as she tries to comfort fg as well as she can. she’s smaller and her arms are cramped from trying to hug as much of him as possible but she can feel how the rock formation seems to loosen slightly, as if his body was relaxing the longer they stayed in the position.

compared to norton, i think fool’s gold is significantly more open about his emotions (most negative) so there are times where the two will just sit in silence as norton grapples with the reality of his double identity in the manor and alice does her best to support him in all his forms – because at the end of the day norton will always be someone she loves regardless of his appearance or how afraid of himself he is. she doesn’t know what he’s gone though and she can’t fix his mistakes or regrets, all she can do is offer her support and assurance that she’ll stick by his side even if it means having to endure awkward hugs and long nights where no words are shared.

nortalice makes me sick to my stomach :(( i need to grab them as dolls and make them kiss

HHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh God they are destroying me! ;;;0;;; I'm a real sucker for this right here >o<

Norton trying to protect Alice from himself by staying far away from her while she tries to prevent him from isolating himself completely cause she knows it'll just hurt him in the long run and she wants none of that ;_;

He has become a monster with a body that was made to destroy, and he tries to come to terms with it. Is it karma? A cruel joke? His past finally catching up to him? Or maybe he was always rotten and it's just the Manor unlocking his full, horrid potential. Who could ever love somebody like that? He withdraws from everyone; especially Alice, yet despite his efforts he still can't shake off his desires for warmth and closeness. It is with Alice's insistence of not letting go of their bond, not giving up on him, that he caves into these desires. He will pick her up or kneel down to embrace her ever so carefully. Sometimes he will lie down or sit leaning against a wall with her on his lap or lying on top of him. While he is basking in her soft touch, he forgets all about his troubles for a moment. When he isn't focusing on not hurting her, he can finally relax. She's so bright and gentle and everything he is not. Norton sometimes wonder how someone like her could fall for someone like him. But he doesn't dwell too much on it while he is holding her, because these moments are too good to let go of in these gloomy times.

Gosh, I love them so much,,, Thank you so much for sharing this, anon!! QAQ I truely enjoyed it!

#ask #anon #anonymous #idv #nortalice #identity v fool's gold #idv fool's gold #norton campbell #identity v journalist #idv journalist #alice deross #I think about them a lot help #alice being the rock to the rock fgdhjfs #Thank you!!!

58 notes · View notes

luffyvace · 11 months ago

Text

Aizawa crush headcanons

”aizawa crush headcanons, but like make him realize he’s in love with you at the end, so that like, he can do something about it or he can’t ignore it”

asked by a good friend of mine irl. she didn’t mention gender so i’m going with afab since i haven’t written for that yet ♡

(ps i’m not going to mention what type of person he would like unless you req that i want to keep this as neutral as possible)

aizawa having a crush on you means finding cats to take care of together

it means warm, comfortable, solidarity silence

he would still be himself around you for sure, he would want you to like him for who he is

changing himself is too much effort. if you don’t like him back he’ll have to move on whether it hurts or not

people still need teaching and saving after all and the world isn’t going to stop just for him

being a realist he’s aware of that

but that doesn’t mean he isn’t going to clean up if you go out somewhere together (prior to dating, first impressions are everything)

he wouldn’t be afraid to tell you like it is if you ask for his opinion,

in his eyes sugarcoating things aren’t going to help you

but he wouldn’t necessarily be as harsh on you as he is on his students or mic

to woo you he wouldn’t really do anything above and beyond

he acknowledges that he likes you but he doesn’t want to waste time if his crush on you doesn’t blossom into something bigger

so instead of going all out he relies on things like little compliments, little favors and quality time

examples;

”you don’t look half bad today l/n”

”not too shabby, i guess” *combs hand through hair* (yeah that’s another thing, he’ll do little gestures to sway you but we’ll dabble into that more later)

”you smell fresh, that’s a nice aroma”

for little favors……

you: “ahh crap i left my keys in my car”

him: *magically knows a way to open locked out cars* you: *clearly having a rough day* him: *opens a window for you to vent* you: “awww man the last of ____ is sold out!”

him: “hmm..well, i’ll keep an eye out for when it’s back in stock” *the very next day* “oh yeah turns out i already had one i just forgot, here you can have it”

im not lying he actually did have one and forgot

as far as quality time:

inviting each other over for movie nights (he always falls alseep so you get most of the popcorn- 🎉 unless it’s his favorite movie- then he stays up eyes red and all, while sucking nothing out of an empty juicy box)

although movie night only happens when your closer friends though- he keeps his friend circle small because anyone could betray him and he doesn’t like people (he doesn’t hate them either he just stays to himself)

quality time for him can also be texting and checking up on each other

it doesn’t always have to be physical for him to feel appreciated

if YOU want to sway HIM though

get him a cat

self explanatory

but you can also listen to him when he talks, shoulder massages (only when your real close tho), give it to him straight.. definitely don’t be phony…and yeah!

pretty much be yourself

if he doesn’t fall for you himself there’s no way to convince him to

and if he falls for you it’s not for any facade you put on

its for your real true self

your personality.

he accepts your flaws and who you are but he will talk to you about bettering yourself a few times if they’re really bad and habitual (which he’s perfect if you have low self esteem because he’ll help you realize you might be overthinking and underestimating yourself, bringing you back to reality like the realist he is)

he’s not necessarily judgmental though

i feel like the part of him that’s not afraid to tell it like it is, is being misunderstood as him being judgmental

anyway that’s for when he has a crush on you

now its time for love

😍

okay so what (for), when, where and why right?

(“what about who? 🤓☝️“ YOU, FOOL!)

so what (for):

i dabbled in this okay? he loves your personality

for your flaws, your strengths, your weaknesses, your IQ (high or low), your fears

he loves everything about you

when?:

probably when you guys are pretty close

not him and mic close

but y’all have been friends for some time now

i say a couple of months

he doesn’t fall fast

maybe first though, if you an oblivious typa person

where (does he realize);

he was probably sitting on his couch after dinner, waiting for his shower to get hot, snug as a bug in his sleeping bag, drinkin a juicy box.

see the vision?

okay

so he was thinkin n thinkin n thinkin…

about you.

wait.

about you

why was he thinking so much about you.

omg wait..

he just remembered..

your beautiful smile (don’t care if it’s crooked, missing teeth, over/underbite- it’s GOREGEOUS)

your beautiful hair

your beautiful eyes

your personality

he realized he was thinking about you so much because…

he loves you

sits there head empty for a hot minute…

then falls asleep..

(rip water bill- shower still running)

why?:

wym why he fell in love? your YOU!!

your amazing even if he doesn’t say it all the time

or even if you don’t think it

even if no else thinks it!

someone does!

him!

he’s not the type of person to romanticize the person he loves

but he does accept you!

but as i said he loves you most for personality!

purely, truly—you

now let’s dabble back into the little gestures he’ll do to sway you once he realizes he loves you

for one like i said he’ll comb his hair in his fingers

and if he sees you find that attractive he’ll do it a little more around you

now keep in mind

your special

he doesn’t go around doing things like that for just anyone

no matter how small the change if it’s not beneficial he won’t do it

but this is beneficial

because he’s trying to court you ;)

he loves you, and he wants you to love him back now :)

but anyways

back on topic

he’ll also shrink his personal bubble around you

so now you can;

stand a little closer than normal

brush your fingers together

have your arms side by side

touch knees together when sitting

lay your head in his lap during movie night and he won’t say anything

(he wouldn’t pet your head but he’s not going to move you either)

rest your head on his shoulder as he does stuff/work (usually in private like when he’s planning his lessons on weekends)

speaking of that you can now come over unannounced and he’ll be glad to see you, ask you about your day, etc

back on topic to gestures he does,

his favors can get more personal,

like if you need to run errands but aren’t feeling well he’ll go shopping for you

(although i will say he doesn’t like shopping and has no idea what brands of products you normally buy he’ll do it to help you out)

he’ll also feel comfortable putting his arm on your shoulder (not around, on)

the gestures aren’t a lot because he isn’t the most cuddly guy (in my realistic headcanons)

but they mean something to you

AN: i tried to write canon aizawa more than fanon because it’s better that way to me but if anyone wants a little more cuddly/fanon aizawa i’d be happy to give it to them

i’m really happy with the way this turned out so i hope everyone can enjoy as well

ps: if you want specifically how he asks you out id love to do that (i might do it anyways 😋)

136 notes · View notes

lit3rally-m1ke-whlr · 1 month ago

Text

Byler analysis (from a song perspective)

ok so I was reading @miwiheroes beautiful fic on ao3 and when Mike told Will he thought he was in love with him and will didn’t believe it the song “I Think I’m in Love” just randomly popped into my head, so I looked up the lyrics and omg I think it UNIRONICALLY is THE byler song??? Like it just fits them so well😭

I mean just look at the lyrics (posting on mobile so bear with me here):

will: highlighted in yellow

Mike: highlighted in blue

either or/ both: green

this may be a longer post so I’m going to add the “keep reading” so it doesn’t take up too much space!

literally sounds like Vecna trying to attack Hawkins by taunting and killing his victims, and Will noticing his presence (particularly reminds me of the movie theater double-date scene where Mike asks if he’s okay and he just says he’s fine)

couldn’t find a gif so here’s an image I found online

Feel like these could apply to both, will is ignoring the signs of Mike liking him back because he thinks mikes straight and it’s impossible for him to return his feelings, and he’s “bluffing” by lying about the painting, saying it’s from el. I think we can all agree Mike is aware of his lie but maybe just doesn’t know why he’s lying. And as for Mike, well, he doesn’t want to admit to his own feelings for Will so he throws himself into a relationship with El and projects his desires onto Will (“it’s not my fault you don’t like girls” or “we’re friends! We’re friends!”), but the little things he do can sometimes be confusing because friends don’t act like Mike does to will, they don’t stare at their lips like they want to kiss them 😭

And the hugging, well.

I think I’m in love (again). Speaks for itself no? now the “(in my head, yeah, you’re in my head)” is interesting, because it could be one of two things: a) obviously, they’re thinking a lot of each other because that’s what you do when you love someone, but it could also be interpreted as b) Mike/will potentially being vecna’d in s5 and seeing a false vision of will/mike as a way to torture them about their sexuality? “I didn’t think that it could be true, let alone that it would be you” also I feel applies to both; will didn’t think he was capable of falling in love with someone who would ever be able to reciprocate, let alone Mike, and Mike didn’t think he could ever be gay and fall in love with his best friend, especially since he’s supposed to have those feelings for El, his girlfriend.

this mostly applies to will, with his being possessed in season 2 (and potentially in season 5, and how vecna might use Mike as a way to get to him) and how shocked and hurt he felt by Mike saying “It’s not my fault you don’t like girls” because he’d never seen Mike get mad at him like that before, and was scared he knew he was gay.

but it can also be used for Mike if he does end up getting Vecna’d in s5, and also him starting to realize his feelings for Will and being scared by that fact. Kind of reminds me of this scene in season 2:

(Ignore how there’s no sound and it’s a shitty recording of my iPad 💀) and this being his reaction afterwards

(GIF creds to @davinaclaires).

I think this may be when he first realized he liked Will as more than a friend, and you can see how confused and dazed he looks. Besides, I imagine if either of them ends up confessing, the other might have a hard time believing it at first and question if it’s real.

must I even explain this one? There is no single lyric in the history of songs that describes Will better.

I’m just going to let the gifs speak for themselves.

-W: “what if he spies back?”

-M: “he won’t.”

-W: “how do you know?” -M: “we won’t let him.”

and then Mike finding will after he has a true-sight episode and bringing him back to reality:

Though if Will or Mike get Vecna’d in s5 and the other helps them snap out of it, that could be a good interpretation of these lyrics as well.

Okay, this one is mostly a joke but just try replacing “Dutch” and “Dutchess” with “Paladin” and “Cleric” and you basically have Byler. As for “And we ain’t got a label/ we’re just rolling with the punches” it describes how Mike and Will are constantly toeing the line between how just friends act and being more than friends, even if they won’t admit it to themselves yet. And I just thought the last part is sooo Byler’s dynamic, like I can totally see them flirting/ bantering like that when they finally get together, kind of gives me “I didn’t say it.” “You didn’t have to.” vibes. Also, I’m sure we already know that there’s nobody else Will would ever fall in love with; he only wants to be with Mike for the rest of his life.

But the crazy part is, a lot of these lyrics can also apply to Lumax as well, specifically from Max’s perspective!? Like, take this verse for example, showcasing how she acts like she’s okay and pushes Lucas away for most of s4.

and especially this one?

(ignore my sloppy handwriting I’m using my finger 😭)

anyways, byler/ lumax endgame iktr 🤪✌️

#Byler #stranger things #stranger things 5 #literally mike wheeler #byler nation #byler endgame #lumax #lumax endgame #will byers #mike wheeler #max mayfield #lucas sinclair #song lyrics #byler analysis #Please tell me y’all see the vision #this song is so them #like istg #just random thoughts #inspired by a fic

30 notes · View notes

romanitas · 8 months ago

Text

peers out into the abyss, in the year 2024. dusts off spy au tag after nine (??????) years. anyone still here?? hello. i finally bring more of it. here it is on ao3 if tumblr is rude about it.

It all comes out rather mechanically and professionally, but Annabeth thinks that might make it all worse. She knows there are aspects of her life she isn’t allowed to share, and she avoids details like who exactly she works for. It’s almost like she’s giving a summarizing report to a superior, not a boyfriend. But at the look on his face as she unweaves her life, she realizes she should probably stop thinking of Percy Jackson as her boyfriend. She is an infiltrator who steamrolled her way over his life, and he watches her with a deep undercurrent of hurt and hostility. “I was just supposed to find out more about what was happening with Jason’s dad,” she says, her voice hollow and apologetic. “With the company. I didn’t expect…” Luke and gunshots. Dragging Percy through a dangerous situation when he was only meant to be a window into information. Piper and Jason to be solid, lovely friends. Percy Jackson to arguably be the best relationship she’s ever had.

“I’m sorry.”

Percy’s quiet. He’d stayed quiet the whole time she spoke, graciously allowed her the uninterrupted time to explain herself, even when she knew she hadn’t deserved it. Annabeth feels like she’s standing on glass, but she’s not about to make the next move. He looks at her, then looks around the room, then back at her. Percy is an unexpectedly thoughtful guy, but this level of silence churns her gut. She swears she hears the clock ticking. “So, do you like, not even care about penguins?”

She stares at him, befuddled. “What?” Percy crosses his arms, angrily tapping his fingers against his bicep. “That’s what you talked to me about, when we met. You asked me about penguins.” The fact that he remembered really shouldn’t surprise her. Her face falls; her reply is haphazard. “Everybody cares about penguins.” “Good, because if you lied about penguins on top of everything else, we might really have a problem.” His tone is bitingly sarcastic, a bullet of its own kind, and she flinches, however deserved. “I’m sorry,” she mutters, again. “Annabeth, you lied. About everything. About - about - ” He trails off and throws his hands up in the air, before grabbing his water and chugging about half to cool himself down. She doesn’t really know how much it’ll actually cool him down, but it’s his go-to. “I was going to tell you. That’s why I wanted to meet you - before Luke showed up -” Percy glowers. “Then what? You just - you thought everything would be fine?” She shakes her head. “I didn’t know what! I just knew I had to stop lying!” “Yeah? Took you how many months?” He pauses. “Months. You’ve been pretending to date me for months.” It’s like the reality of that finally, wholly sinks in for him, and his anger flashes with heartbreak heavy enough to punch her own. She can’t even reach out to him. The urge is there, but she restrains it, knowing full well she’s lost the privilege of touching him. “It was my job, Percy,” she says after a moment, a weak attempt at some sort of defense she knows won’t hold up. “You’re not even an architect.” He says it like that surprises him most of all, but she supposes she had been rather passionate about it. She knows as much about design as she does intelligence. “No,” she admits, then admits something else not many people do know. “But I almost was.” He looks at her again, with regret, anger, and even a sort of empathy she doesn’t think she deserves. “I watched you shoot someone.” Her demeanor betrays her, as she feels her eyes well up. “I had to.” “I know,” he says quietly, frowning. He closes his eyes and turns away from her, pressing his hands against the kitchen counter and leaning against it, like somehow it’s another realization that hammers in the reality of his girlfriend.

Annabeth uses the brief respite to furiously wipe at her eyes. She doesn’t know how to salvage this. She wants to, badly. She’s simultaneously done one of the best and worst jobs she’s ever been assigned. Discovering Luke changed the game. Falling in love with Percy altered her life entirely.

It takes a few minutes, but Percy finally turns back around to look at her. He watches her like she’s a stranger despite the knowing flicker to his eyes. He knows a lot about her, the side of her that isn’t a spy, the side of her she sometimes wishes could be present more often. But she is a spy too, and part of the job description includes sabotage. She’s always been very good at that. She’s just never sabotaged herself before.

“I told you I loved you,” he says, and that hurts most of all, because it sounds like he doesn’t believe it. Like he can’t believe he’d gone and fallen for her, that he played right into her hands.

Her expression shatters. “I know,” she says, the words catching. She has to tell him now, because she doesn’t know if she’ll get another chance. It’s a ruinous confession but there’s no escaping it. “And I - I fell in love with you too, Percy. I wanted to tell you so badly.”

He looks gobsmacked. “How? When it was all just - just bullshit to you?”

Annabeth shakes her head. “No. It wasn’t. It might have started that way, but -”

“How am I supposed to believe that, Annabeth? How can I possibly know anything you say to me is going to be the truth at this point? I just watched you - watched you take on some guy, shoot him in the leg, and work with a whole team of super spies, and now you’re here trying to tell me you love me?” He almost sounds desperate to believe it himself. Like he doesn’t want to not love her. He runs a hand through his hair, and Annabeth doesn’t know what to say to any of that. “Fuck. Jason and Piper, they trusted you too.”

“I -”

His face darkens. “I introduced you to my mom.” He whirls on her, eyes hard. “Is my mother safe?”

Annabeth nods immediately, and the look he gives her might be the worst one yet. “I had a team check on her apartment. And someone’s watching outside, just to be sure.”

Relief washes over him, but anger still bubbles under the surface. Maybe she never should have gone to meet Sally. Maybe this wouldn’t be happening now, because somehow it feels like Sally Jackson is one of the pieces that made everything feel more real. But that’s wishful thinking, because there was no future with Percy Jackson in the cards under the circumstances in which she first came into his life to begin with. She foolishly allowed herself to feel like maybe there could be - like the laughing and the cuddling and the smiling and the happiness that swarmed inside her could be genuine, if she let go of so many other pieces. If she stopped being a liar.

Luke always did bring out the worst in her, but she doesn’t even know if she can wholly blame him. Percy’s reaction to the truth was doomed to exist, no matter how she admitted herself to him. Perhaps they were doomed from the start too. She knows that. She just wishes she didn’t know that.

“It explains some things,” Percy says slowly, like he doesn’t want to say it at all. “I guess I tried to ignore them. I really wanted this to work. I’ve never met anyone like you before.”

“You’re one of the best people I’ve ever met. I don’t want to lie to you anymore, Percy.”

His face is crestfallen. “And I feel like I don’t even know who you are, Annabeth.”

He looks at her for a very, very long time. Annabeth doesn’t keep track. She’s run out of things to say, run out of excuses, run out of apologies, and Percy looks burnt out on his anger. He’s cradling it, afraid to let go, but tired of holding it.

He deflates. “I can’t…”

Annabeth swallows. Waiting. It feels like something of an end.

“Get out. Just go, please.”

She does.

#percy jackson #annabeth chase #percabeth #heroes of olympus #i don't even know what the kids are using for tags these days #is it still only the first five????#spy auing #tomato writes #god i havent posted in so long i have no idea if this looks ok formatting wise i guess let me know and i can fix it #the new post editor sucks

71 notes · View notes

cozzzynook · 4 months ago

Note

I don't know if I've asked this yet.

Drift and Ratchet coming back to the Lost Light and when they get there everyone is waiting for them except Rodimus.

He's in bed having a horrible spark flare up and feels horrible because he can't welcome them back.

Drift thinks Rodimus doesn't want to see him and is hurt. There relationship becomes strained. Ratchet is angry that he didn't see them and Rodimus hates himself for having this spark condition.

You did and i’m sorry it took so long to answer i wasn’t ignoring this. I just wanted it to be long and well thought out. Something I’d enjoy when I come back to read it. It may not be as long as i’d hoped but i did try. Sorry for the long wait.

The pods hooks unsnapped, latching onto the magnetic field of the ships side piece. Locking into place as an extra latch stationed them and decontamination filters opened within the pod itself. Soon the first doorway was opening and another burst of decontamination air was whooshing into between seams and cables, slipping into spaces that were covered in filth from their journey. Moving dirt and grime they were longing to be rid of.

His spark was spinning with anticipation at the light shining on their frames as the doors opened completely and he took his first step towards the place that began feeling like home after being without one for millions of years.

He smelled the scent of cleaner before the rush of multiple frame types and individual scents hit him at full force.

The strongest was himself and Ratchet who needed a shower desperately. But it was this. He missed this. Home.

He was home.

“Welcome back kid,” the gentle smile, soft optics, relaxed ridges and a warm servo in his, Drift was able to take that last step with confidence as he was greeted by the entire lost light crew with open arms and buzzing em fields.

He greeted every bot his overwhelmed processor could keep up with and he was thankful Ratchet made a path for them to what would be their hab so they could shower and get the filfth from off delicate and intricate parts of their frames.

As happy as this day was for him it didn’t compare to Ratchet admitting his feelings and coming after him alone.

He wasn’t entirely lying to himself.

The fact that Ratchet came alone hurt.

It hurt him a lot knowing the only other mech both he and Ratchet wanted to see didn’t show up.

They were both so excited to step off the pod and be enveloped in warm arms that would try so hard to squeeze passion, comfort, longing and every emotion they felt within their spark. They would try passing it through touch alone and often times succeeded without the use of their em field.

But no such comfort was placed on their frames. The servos of their friends and crew mates were a welcome they would not take for granted but the many touches and varying emotive fields that welcomed them didn’t soothe the ever present balm of loneliness they felt at not having the one mech they wanted by their sides all this time.

Ratchet was quick to get the both of them back to their hab where they showered off all filth and grime before relaxing frame to frame in the oil jets as they rested together.

The cleaning tub felt far too big without their third nestled with them and it sparked a conversation neither wanted to admit or verbalize out loud.

“Roddy doesn’t care about us anymore..does he?”

If there was one thing Ratchet hated it was the look of sadness and accepting another painful reality on Drifts face plates. It made his energon boil and his cables flex as he balled his servos to keep his temper and his own pained emotions in check.

“If he doesn’t have the gall to greet us, let alone join me,” Ratchet seethed as he clutched at nothing with the servo not holding Drift, “then he doesn’t deserve slag let alone your good graces, time and affection.”

“Maybe..maybe something came up?”

“And what could have possibly come up that was more important than bringing you back or welcoming you home?”

“He couldn’t just leave the ship, he’s captain Ratty,” a poor excuse even to him and Ratchet has no problem shooting a hole in his statement.

“Co-captain Drift. He could’ve let Megatron and Magnus even, handle the ship. Things would’ve been fine without him. He’s a slag captain anyway so what difference does it make now?”

Drift wanted to defend Roddy saying he was a better captain now but he couldn’t bring himself to speak. His spark ached knowing Rodimus didn’t bother to see him. He tried holding out hope that he was just running late but when the mech didn’t even show up the following morning, Drift lost all hope in the mech.

Ratchet was given time off from the medbay which he took to be by Drift’s side and enjoy their alone time together before going back to work. While also comforting his conjunx who lost an amica and something they both thought was more than on and off sleeping together.

For frags sake, Ratchet didn’t want to admit it but his anger was covering a large portion of sadness that he just couldn’t admit aloud yet he knew his conjunx was aware of this. He thought Rodimus was serious about the two of them, he was entirely certain the young speedster was serious about Drift. He figured he was an add on Rodimus was willing to accept because of how much he obviously loved Drift but the little bother was adamant on spending just as much time with him as he was with Drift.

He made him feel like he wasn’t an old bag of bolts, screws, joint pains and a step away from the well of sparks. Not to say Drift didn’t make him feel that way. The swords mech made him feel incredible. On top of the stars if it were possible. But to have that same feeling only to so suddenly have it ripped away…

“I don’t want to see that stabilizing splitter and no I don’t want to hear his excuses,” Ratchet grouched as he stood in the doorway to his and Drifts hab. This was the last day before they went back to their usual schedules and it was rudely interrupted by Cyclonus of all bots.

‘Tch, typical of the kid to send someone to do his dirty work instead of face it helm on.’

“No one sent me to do anything, Doctor.”

Cyclonus still had that unnerving stare that made Ratchet want to close the door. Like he was in the wrong here when Rodimus was the one who didn’t show up or come with him.

And he’d waited…

Waited for the kid until he couldn’t or it would’ve taken longer to reach Drift if he’d missed the atmosphere launch a nanoklik too late.

“Then why are you here?”

“I’ve simply come to ask that you and the swords mech go to see the co-captain. I’m sure he would enjoy the company.”

“And why the frag should we,” his grouching tirade was ruined when Cyclonus raised a clawed servo in parting and turned taking a swift leave. Ratchet did not know Tailgate was dozing on the back of Cyclonus in a metal wrap but the minibot was recharging peacefully even with Cyclonus purpose filled swift stride.

It left him intake half open out of disbelief but that was quickly interrupted when he felt Drift coming behind him. Two servos on his shoulders and he was feeling less frustrated. The effect Drift had on him had its perks especially for his oil pressure and energy readings.

“What was that about? I thought I heard Cyclonus. Was it something about the medbay?”

His concern was appreciated and he felt undeserving to have a mate and conjunx such as Drift who was far too kind for him.

“No, nothing like that. Its..nothing,” he sighs, letting his shoulder plating lower and his servos flex to relieve unnecessary tension that will surely make his joints flare if he keeps up. Whats he thinking getting this upset over someone who doesn’t care about them? He’s not a young spark anymore. No need to waste the energy he doesn’t have.

“Are ya sure Ratty?”

“Hmm,” a kiss to Drifts cheek and the mech was making, dare he think it, an adorable noise that left his finials flaring out with a fluttering embarrassment that coated his cheek plating a shade of deep gray.

“Ratty!”

“Hehe, come ‘ere,” pulling his conjunx into his arms he led him to the wash racks where a nice long soak in oil would lift both their spirits.

It’s officially been three days since they’ve been back to their normal schedule and there has not been a single sighting of Rodimus. Not on the bridge, not a word of him meteor surfing, racing the halls or lower decks, nothing of him visiting the training rooms or going off ship for a mission or supply run. Not even a peep of him at Swerves.

The two didn’t want to let it get to them but they couldn’t help the worry that bubbled over the surface and visibly poured like a fountain as they listened in at his hab suite and office one night.

Not a single sound came from either of Roddy’s habitats and they couldn’t find him below the decks hiding in his usual or more creative spots nor could Ratchet lock onto his em signature. They were both worried and getting antsier by the nano klik until a fifth day without their captain came and Ratchet was desperate enough to ask Drift to use his method of location using meditation.

The swordsmech was highly taken aback by the request but hurriedly did so once their shifts were over and he had a quiet place to concentrate.

It took him a few kliks but Drift was able to lock onto Rodimus surprisingly low em field.

It made him wake from his meditative state with a start and grab onto Ratchet in a rush and haul the heavy mech into his arms as he made a mad dash to the private medical bay.

This was thankfully the down time in the area so barely any mechs or femmes were present and those that were, were off getting fuel to bring back for the rest of their shift. So it was easy for Drift to rush them into the back past the typical private rooms and into the intensive private area where the more serious cases were handled.

Ratchet, not expecting Drift to react like this was floored as his conjunx hauled his heavy aft off the ground and leapt into action like the cons were hot on their tails again. He was a tad disoriented until they were in the medbay and at the more serious section where the most vulnerable and closely watched patients with need of intense care were kept.

He quickly composed himself as he left Drifts hold allowing the mech to grip onto him as he input his own code and stood in the doorway to allow the sterilization purifiers to spray them down.

He was in enough of his professional helm space to put medi grade masks over himself and Drift before manually entering the sanitization spray to hose them down once more before entering through the coded metal curtain that kept germs out and paused in dawning horror with his conjunx at the sight of their friend, lover, and captain. Who laid in the berth attached to multiple wires that surrounded his frame from olfactory sensor to his lower tanks.

A filtration line in both his nostrils, the metallico around his frame sensitive to the touch and weak as he vented slowly. His chassis was removed along with the metallico casing on his tanks leaving him vulnerable and defenseless should an attack happen.

But the chances of germs eliminating the fragile mech before them was much much higher seeing as his spark was resting with too faint a glow to be even remotely healthy. As it laid bare without a spark casing to keep it safe beside a pair of pouches that didn’t look anything like their own cyber knitted energon pouches. No. His looked organic in every sense and should the two lift the medical gauze on his chest they knew a pair of nozzles would be there.

That very first step towards the berth was not taken by Ratchet but Drift who still held onto Ratchet as his optics burned with unshed coolant and steam. A bubble of static was making its way up Drifts windpipe the longer he took in the sight of Rodimus and Ratchet couldn’t lie saying he was unaffected by Rodimus’s current state.

The sight of Rodimus’s spark being connected to so many wires shoved every angry thought, word and frustration in his face plate like a hammer bomb straight to the chassis unguarded and he too felt his optics sting until he blinked it away.

There was a shift from the berth and a light whimper left Rodimus’s dermas.

That kicked Ratchet into gear as he stepped forward making sure Drift stayed put as he began checking Rodimus’s ventilation systems and the condition of his spark to see what kind of damage he sustained that could’ve caused this and who they were going to offline for doing this to him.

Ratchet was finishing his final scan when he felt the signs of Rodimus waking and he used an old off the record nursing technique to keep him calm by rubbing on the natural swell of his forge tank where signs of a coming flush showed.

He saved that note for later.

Right now he needed to keep Rodimus from panicking at the sight of them and keep his spark levels even.

As he busied himself keeping Rodimus calm and soothed, he began reading the information his scans provided and almost dropped right then and there if it weren’t for long centuries of medical profession keeping him from accidentally injuring a patient and Drifts quick movements.

“He’s always had it Drift,” the distress in Ratchets voice was not comforting or common for any mech to experience and Drift did his very best not to break at the exposure of it all.

“What do you mean Ratty?! What is it a virus or something?!”

His rushed whispers that grew louder and panicking em field would not help anyone so Drift tried to stifle them with little luck.

“His spark Drift. His spark. He has spark flutters Drift. Spark flutters. That can’t be cured Drift. I can’t..science can’t cure this…He’s had them since emergence..he’s always had them..all this time..and we didn’t know..I didn’t know..”

Drift was no medic but he knew about spark flutters, had seen them take lives faster than engine burn out and processor frying. Matters of the processor and spark couldn’t be fixed, not like a ripped off stabilizer or arm.

A spark problem was serious.

And Roddy’s had it all this time?

“Frag, Drift..I was so angry at him..angry at waiting for him to come with me because he promised me he would show..he promised he would be waiting at the pod..he was..he wanted to apologize so badly..I-I should’ve known something was wrong then..I should’ve gone to see what happened but I didn’t..I..”

Ratchet stopped his movements as he looked down in horror at the exposed spark that slightly quickened in beat.

Rodimus was slowly coming from his pain numbing recharge that First aid administered early to help with his levels and pain. This was the first time in two days he’s been able to go without pain in every vent again and he was extremely grateful when First aid injected him with the serum. He was healing but not at the level he should be. Emotional pain was the cause of that and while First aid understood, Rkdimus understood First aid’s reasonings on keeping him asleep until he was in better shape.

Right now the serum was still in his system so he didn’t have to rush and alert the medic just yet. Not that he could if he wanted. He was still pretty out of it as he tried to figure out opening his optics and moving his heavy frame. Though the second option wasn’t something he should be doing aside from his digits at least.

“Ratty, we didn’t know! We couldn’t have known! He didn’t.. he didn’t want us to know and you know Roddy..If he doesn’t want something found out we won’t..oh gosh Ratty..he..no wonder he always bailed last klik..his spark..his spark probably..”

“Frag!”

Ratchet had to hold himself together so he wouldn’t do something that he’d regret. He wanted to shake Rodimus and demand to know why he never said anything as much as he wanted to hug the kid and never let him out of their sights.

“This is why he wasn’t there Ratty..he’s been stuck in here all this time?”

Ratchet looked over his scans further and Drift question proved correct.

“He had a spark flutter that hit him first and that flutter brought on another until his spark spasmed and fluxed. A spark flux is something that most bots don’t come back from. At least typically they don’t. First aid tackled the issue as it came and he did pretty good but there are some spots he missed. But that can be excused seeing as Rodimus’s spark isn’t strong enough to handle that operation just yet. So First aid did well in taking care of him.”

There was a blanket of guilt that clogged Ratchets optics and the weak digit shaking against his servo made them snap down to Rodimus’s sorrow filled optics that were dim and still slightly out of touch.

That ignited a fire in Ratchets spark as he ignored Drifts gasp and cry of Rodimus’s nickname.

He set to work talking to Rodimus while working on his vitals and readings before setting into motion on doing a small procedure to strengthen Rodimus’s spark.

First aid came in once Ratchet finished, having seen the two enter through the many cameras kept inside the entire medbay.

He wasn’t very fond of Ratchet stealing his patient but he was expecting it.

“You did well kid,” Ratchet gifted his young pupil the praise he deserved as he sat down with Drift beside Rodimus’s berth.

First aid was a blushing mess as he went off to most likely tell Ambulon while Drift held Rodimus’s servo.

“He’s taking well to the procedure. Its not as good as the procedure we would give most but this is the method that will cause the least problems and have the most success for now.”

“..only for now?”

“Try and get some rest sweet spark,” Ratchet leaned forward to press his helm to Drifts who immediately nuzzled into the comfort still holding onto Rodimus.

They both needed this assurance and safety.

“He’ll likely wake tomorrow later in the evening. For now, all we can do is wait and rest beside him. We have a lot to talk about that we need to pace so we don’t stress him or ourselves.”

“He didn’t abandon us like we thought Ratty,” Drift looked ready to hope in the berth with Rodimus dragging Ratchet in with him if it weren’t for all the wires.

“When he wakes up he’s getting an audial full for keepin this from us,” Ratchet had a scowl on his face plate so deep Drift could see a new line forming and it made him smile. Ratchet really did have the same growing feelings for Rodimus that he once budded for Drift.

It made the swords mech brighten his em field, “Lets make sure he gets enough rest before we unload on him. I’m sure he feels guilty .”

“Good,” Ratchet grouched pulling them both into the mattress chair that leaned back, “he’s never allowed to do this again.”

The two were holding Rodimus’s servo as they curled together looking at the recharging mech.

With a long last look, they too fell into recharge waiting for rodimus to wake up.

Anon i’m so sorry for such a late reply but i hope you see this and i hope you like it.

#transformers #dratchrod #dratchet #ratchet x drift #drift x ratchet #rodimus x drift #rodimus x ratchet #ratchet idw #ratchet #drift #rodimus #rodimus prime #idw dratchrod

51 notes · View notes