#but I'm still posting it out of spite
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Things Go Wrong
#Aloy's hair is decapitating her#her hands are doing something but what who knows#it would be a great shot if separate elements would just behave xD#but they don't#but I'm still posting it out of spite#horizon forbidden west#ps5#burning shores#hfw dlc#hfw burning shores#aloy#the cloud mission
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Reaction images aside, how are you holding up?
Aww, thanks for asking. :P
To be honest, I'm probably doing better than most. I'm a healthy cishet white man who lives in the UK, so I don't have nearly as much to worry about as I know a lot of people do. (Also hey, I'm enjoying the new Dragon Age game, so that's been nice.) But I also know what kind of ramifications this election is bound to have, both inside the US and beyond.
(I mean, the world's biggest democracy is getting overtly more hostile and authoriarian in real time (y'know. again), and I know on this side of the pond we've got some real brain donors who'd love to see something similar happen here. I'm worried about what Trump could do once he's back in charge, and I'm worried about what might happen to my own country, with it's 'special relationship' to the US, as a result. And I'm not alone in that.
All this on a fuckin' Wednesday...)
Anyway, I had a longer thing written out here about the concept of orthopraxis (just while I was trying to get my thoughts in order, lmao) but the core of what I want to say is this:
I think we're about to see an uptick in people being shitty
I'm going to counter that by doing un-shitty things
What do I mean by un-shitty things? Well, I've been meaning to participate in Amnesty International's 'Write For Rights' campaign for months - I just fired off my first email today. I've already donated to causes supporting Gaza in the past, but now I'm also planning to write to my local MP about how annoyed I am that my country is still culpable in genocide. Make my voice heard, you know? I also want to keep making art that people enjoy, because I think that's important. And I'm going to buy another commission from an artist I like, because they could probably use something good in their life right now. And... to be honest, I'm not sure what else I'll do yet. When I figure it out, though, I'll try and actually do it.
Maybe for you, un-shitty things mean something smaller scale. Hugging your loved ones for longer, or giving that loose change you always carry around to the next homeless person you see. That's good too. Maybe it's something larger in scale, and that's awesome! But to anyone who's reading this, I'd definitely recommend doing something that not only feels good, but is also TANGIBLE. Not only does doing feel good, but it means that you're improving someone else's life, in however small a way. Which, y'know. Net positive, innit.
(Yes, I'm aware this is basically the 'when you see someone being so mean it inspires you to be kinder meme', lmao. No, I don't really care.)
You asked me how I'm holding up? Well, the first thing I'd like to do is respond to your question in kind: how are you holding up? In a general sense? In specific ways? Hopes, anxieties, plans?
And the next thing I'm going to do is tell you that I'm more than holding up.
I'm locking in.
#GODDAMNIT this one turned out longer than I wanted it to. Fuck. ah well. I'm a terminal yapper this was pretty much inevitable#also still gonna be runnning the blog obvs#I've got a real good selection of images still in the folder#and my loyal minion is still making incremental progress on giving everything we've already posted alt text#but yeah! Praxis#as much as I would love to make Elon and Trump and Vance's lives miserable it's just not feasible for me#gonna just be nice to some people instead#(and maybe find ways to make life more difficult for Farage and Banedoch and Yaxley-Lennon#and some of our other home-grown cunts. Yaknow. If I'm feeling spiteful)#not a pic#someone asked me a thing!
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what people assume i'm thinking while i'm working on rekindled: "GRRR I HATE LO AND RACHEL!!! I HATE HER SO MUCH!!! THIS WILL SHOW HER AND HER FANS! THIS WILL SHOW ALL OF THEM! I HOPE RACHEL SEES THIS AND CRIES!!!"
what i'm actually thinking while i work on rekindled: "man i'm having a great time working on this but i can't wait to be done with this panel that's driving me nuts. i wonder how i can get that cool splatter effect rachel did in S1. bright colors make brain go brrrr. i can't wait to get to the part where hades clowns on himself. oof i'm hungry, i need to figure out what to have for dinner tonight. oh look, an 11 hour retrospective on the simpsons-"
#fr i'm vibin' y'all i'm having a great time#ppl see me joke about rekindled being a spite project and just automatically assume i'm SEETHING the whole time i'm working on it#i wouldn't waste time working on something purely out of hate y'all lmao#it's easy to cling to the idea that i hate lore olympus with a blind seething passion due to what i get up to here#and it undoubtedly makes for the easiest explanation that doesn't require any nuance#but i promise you that i still have a lot of love for how LO used to make me feel and what it meant to me once upon a time#i wouldn't be trying so hard to make it emulate the style of S1 to begin with if i didn't love it deep down lol#you're just on an LO critical blog so ofc a lot of what you're gonna see is LO critical stuff LMAO#don't miss the forest for the trees pls <3#i didn't even include all the times i'm sitting there drawing thinking 'i wanna play video games i wanna play video games i wanna play vid-#lore rekindled#self post
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Shout out to my long-sleeved top earlier while I was at the gym for making me look absolutely hench for a minute in the mirrors. You really gave me a boost to finish arm day.
#i experienced body euphoria for a second and it was incredible#then i moved lol and it went away but still#i took a photo and sent it to mr. ghosti and he was like O.O#and then my sapphic friend responded on instagram and I knew it was a goodun lol#gonna work up to looking like that hopefully#partly out of spite because my parents have both said 'you don't want to get too muscly do you' 'it's not attractive'#i'm like... yes#yes i do#and it is#i'm rambling again#non monster post#gym#personal post
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I am exhausted, good heavens.
#hey watch this neat trick I can do [cries]#love that for me#BUT#BUT- the actual EFFORT I put these days to not make a suicide jokes is *chefs kiss* phenomenal#actively shitting bricks as I physically have to stop myself from saying I want a car to hit me for the 50th time that day#I am not progressing any more than I am downgressing or whatever the opposite word is. but girlies#and boysies and peepsies#my lipgloss is popping and my eyebags are gucci- and so I shall prevail#MAN this tiredness is BONE DEEP man- it's like it's engraved into my goddamn clavicles#sorry that was like the only bone name I could remember- I don't even know what a clavicle is#anyways- I need to fall asleep forever and never wake up. But not in like a dying way#I just need to stop waking up tired and being tired and going to sleep tired and living tired like GIRL#WTF AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WHEN SLEEP STOPS SLEEPING#I JUST SLEPT 10 HOURS HOW ARE YOU STILL TIRED#I am so tired that i stopped liking shit- like that SUCKS my dudes#I sometimes Don't Like art now and that is WILD to me because that was lowkey the One Thing that got me going#I used to actually LIKE english class! and reading Shakespear and shit!!!! and history class!! Now I don't!! Where did the spark go??????#Now everything feels like a chooooooore and it sucks major dick#and my graaaades are slipping because I stopped giving a damn but I NEED. TO. GIVE. A. DAMN#because those are like highkey lowkey and every-other-key my grades and I need them to go into uni so I don't die <333#I need to spite little mini me who said I wasn't going to live past 13 because BITCH- guess how old I'm turning next week????????#THAT'S RIGHT- 17 YEARS OLD- FUCK YEAH BABY I'M STILL NOT DEAD#SUCK MY BIG ASS SHLONG MINI-ME#and then I have a big biology exam the day after so- funnnnn!!#anywho- should I tag this as vent? this probably counts as vent right? like among us? impostor and shit?#sorry I think my brain is actively rotting out of my ears right now#vent post#personal vent#tw vent#tw sui talk
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Could've left me just the way you found me, but you came and put your wings around me. You went out of your way, to fix what you didn't break.
This song is so incredibly Sam & Darlin' coded and no one can tell me otherwise.
[lots of lyrical analysis below the cut] [there's also a short little fanfic blurb of them stargazing down there too (this post got really out of hand lmao)]
For those not fully caught up, note that the following commentary contains various spoilers for Sam and Darlin's stories.
Note: Unfortunately this song is gendered, using the word 'girl' several times. Which sucks a little bit for immersion purposes, not only for keeping Darlin' gender-neutral, but also because I see this song as a duet between them, and Darlin' obviously wouldn't be addressing Sam with the word 'girl' either. So! As with most songs on their playlist, we're just gonna mentally omit any gendered terms we come across.
Side note: Frustratingly, this is one of those songs that didn't really even need to gender the subject in the first place. No part of the story or message is lost without it. But alas, many songs are like that, and so the playlist-makers of the world shall continue to suffer. [/lh]
Anyways, preamble's over. It's lyric time now yay!
Sam's Part
I was a ten-year train wreck
Technically for Sam I suppose it was 13 years, but ten is close enough (and 'ten' admittedly flows a lot better in the rhythm of the song than 'thirteen' would.) Anyways, we're not here to split hairs, (I have to remind myself), we're just here to point out similarities.
In Sam's Dec. '22 HBW, he says "For the last 13 years or so I haven't had to care too much about how I look. Seemed a little redundant after turnin', considerin' I didn't wanna be around much'a anybody anyway."
I think he's mentioned or alluded to that roughly 13 year period of time more than once, but that's the one I remember best so it's the example I'm using. There's still about 4 Sam audios I've yet to listen to as of making this post, so if I'm missing some Key Lore I'll edit this later. But for now, I don't think Sam has given many specifics on exactly how bad things got during that time. Luckily, 'train wreck' is a pretty broad and subjective term, so it easily covers any degree to which he may have fallen apart during those years.
It also feels like a very 'him' way of quickly brushing over the details of his past/his hurt, as he seems to tend to do with Darlin', (not all the time ofc but it's still something I've noticed) putting his own hurt on the backburner to prioritize and attend to theirs. Even outside of his dynamic with them, I think as a healer, it's something he learned to do. And now he does it with everyone. Put on a brave face, compartmentalize things and unpack them later, etc. I could go on and on but there'll be time for that in other posts I'm sure. For now, lets get back to the song at hand.
With a last-call longneck
Due to personal reasons, I've yet to decide if I want to HC him as having used alcohol as a coping mechanism during that time. I don't recall him having mentioned alcohol much, if at all, (maybe one mention of whiskey that I don't have time to find right now) so I don't think it's necessarily canon that he did, but it's certainly possible. My personal preferences aside, I'll admit it makes for some good additional angst. (And- self-indulgently- it makes some other songs on my playlist for them more fitting.) So, for the sake of this song, let's imagine that he did.
I was searchin', I'd been hurt real bad
This one feels pretty self-explanatory given what Alexis did, (and, if you wanna get even angstier with it, whatever his family did earlier on in his life) so there isn't much commentary to add on my end.
I HC that in spite of 'not wanting to be around anybody', he- like Darlin- still had a tiny part of himself buried deep down that was, in a way, 'searching' for someone to find solace in. (No this isn't me projecting onto them both haha what are you talking about-)
Movin' on, gettin' sidetracked One step forward and five back
This is generally applicable enough that I don't feel the need to give too much of a specific example. Anyone who's recovered or is recovering from trauma knows this non-linear, back-and-forth struggle well already, and I'm sure he was no stranger to it.
If I were to give some examples though, I could point to Darlin's (and subsequently, Sam's) encounter with Alexis at the summit, or the shit that Quinn dredged up about Fredrick and threw at Sam in the interrogation room. Those are both more recent examples and I imagine these lines of the song to be coming from a place of him prior to meeting Darlin', but still, they're some instances where I'm sure he felt like the past was pulling him back in. I'm sure that there's been many throughout those 13 years that we were never witness to.
Not your fault, I was scared to fall
This line reminds me of their 'Cuddles and Confessions' audio. I don't think he ever explicitly said he was 'scared' per se, so afaik there's no specific line I can quote, but in that and every audio prior, he was obviously hesitant to admit, perhaps even to himself, that he was gradually falling for them. Even after the initial confession, there's certain limits of his (e.g. biting) that he carries for far longer, and some that I (and others) HC that he'll carry forever. So this line feels to me like him reassuring Darlin' that his reluctance isn't the fault of them, but his past.
Darlin's Part
You were the star in the pitch black Shine the way on the way back
We don't have any canon instances of them comparing Sam to a star, but I can see it being something they'd say (perhaps less poetically, but the sentiment would be there) one night while laying up on their roof watching the stars with him. Maybe they're dead-tired, talking nonsense with lidded eyes at the end of a long day, fighting sleep in favor of more time spent with him.
"What- what're you pointin' at Darlin'?"
Their hazy focus is trained on the brightest star visible in their line of sight, arm stretched out to the sky above them. "That really bright one, to the... to the left."
Sam does his best to follow their less-than-specific directions of 'to the left', their pointed finger doing little to help given the difference in perspective. Luckily, after all these years, he knows this stretch of night sky like the back of his hand, so it isn't hard to locate the brightest one. Ghosting his fingers up along their arm, he takes their hand in his and brings it back down to earth. "Okay, yeah, I see it now. What about it though?"
"That's you." They say, matter-of-factly.
"That's me?" He questions, humor in his tone.
"Mhm." They nod with finality, blinking slow.
Sam considers the odd statement for a moment before gently correcting them. "I'm uh, I'm pretty sure that's Sirius, actually."
They scoff. "I am being serious."
Sam stifles a laugh into their hair. "No- no I mean- like... what's another name for it... Oh! It's also called the Dog Star."
"C'mon Sam, at least call it the Wolf Star if you're trying to turn this around on me..."
He shakes his head and readies himself to explain further, but they cut him off before he can start. "But no- no, this one isn't about me. That's you."
He decides to play along, finding something endearing in their overtired nonsense. "Okay... then would'ja be so kind as to explain to this confused old man just how, or why that star is me?"
Their frown is audible in their voice as they latch onto the wrong part of his sentence. "You're not old, Sam. ...Do I need to tell Asher to kick the jokes down a notch?"
He smiles at their over-protectivity. "There'll be no need for that, now. Was just a joke, darlin', I promise."
They huff, but thankfully shift focus back to the prior topic. "It's... I dunno. It's just you, Sam. It's... bright. Light. Something warm, out there in the cold dark. Standing out amongst all the rest. Calling to me, stealing my attention. I... I didn't come out here looking for it, but there it is. ...There you were. In the dark. The only bright thing I'd seen in... fuck, in years. Years of chasing fleeting warmth, tripping over myself in the pitch black, falling into... places 'n people I shouldn't have. You were the light in that darkness. Even there, surrounded by the ghost of him. You outshone it. Your warmth didn't hurt. I didn't have to squint when I looked at you. You weren't the blinding sun. You were the brightest star I'd ever seen. You guided me back home."
In the back of their mind, they recall something they once heard, something about light, and time, and distance. Space. Something about... how you can see a star that's already burnt out, because it's light hasn't reached earth yet. The ghost of a star that's already died. Only still perceptible thanks to time, and distance.
They remember Sam's words, once whispered to them on this very roof.
"Whatever your choice is... I'm not gonna live forever. I made that decision a long time ago."
They think about dead stars.
They think about time.
"...-lin'? Darlin'?" Sam's calloused hand slides up their forearm, pulling them out of their thoughts. "There you are. Think I lost ya' for a minute there... you good?"
They look up at Sam, concern creasing his features, shadows cast across his face from the light of the dying stars above him.
They reach out, pulling him down into them. Burying their face into his collar, Sam's concern grows when he feels it saturate with tears. A human might struggle to hear their words, muffled against the thick fabric, but his hearing catches it just fine.
"Don't burn out too quick. Please. I still need you here. I don't- I don't wanna be left in the dark again. Please, please Sam. Don't leave me here. I'm not selfish enough to ask you for forever, but please. Not yet. Not yet. Not yet."
.......Whoopsies! Really, genuinely didn't mean to improv an entire scene there, good god. Also didn't mean to swerve hard into angst at the end but uh. that's what came out! so I'm rolling with it lmao. Aaanyways let's move on, it's getting late and this is a song analysis post, not a fic.
Out of nowhere, answered all my prayers
'Out of nowhere' reminds me of Sam's words from the same HBW video I referenced earlier. "You came into my life like a damn wreckin' ball. There was no preparing for that, clothing or otherwise." While those were Sam's words, not Darlin's, I still feel like they feel similarly to how suddenly Sam came into their life as well. (Not in a bad way, mind you!)
[the significance of 'answered all my prayers' edges into my own personal more headcanon-y/personal/OC-ified Darlin' territory, so we can just gloss over this one for the sake of at least attempting to keep this more universally applicable]
Picked up the towel that I threw in Took in a heart that was ruined
Again, largely self-explanatory I feel. (*proceeds to explain anyways*) I imagine that Darlin' was at the point of throwing in the towel, hellbent on a solo-mission to find Quinn regardless of the danger it posed to them. I doubt they were looking toward the future anymore, (to reference Sam,) fully willing to throw themself at their problems until they really did break.
The specific use of 'ruined' hits hard here, because after everything they went through with Quinn, and especially after he recounted it all to Sam in that interrogation room, I imagine that they really, truly did feel ruined.
Showed me the past ain't a tattoo Loved me even when you didn't have to
These lines in particular make me sick with emotion every time I hear this song, because I feel like they hit the nail on the head for how Darlin' feels.
I'll be here citing various quotes all night that I feel showcase that sentiment, but we don't have time for that! So instead I'm just pointing to the entirety of 'Quinn's Aftermath' video, and leaving you with this single quote from it.
"Everything that he said reflects nothin' on you, and everything on him."
Equally Applicable Lines
And I don't know why Why you saw something in me, baby But you saw right through All the pain, and you came and saved me Yeah, I know you didn't leave me lonely Weren't the one that put the heartbreak on me Picked up the pieces It wasn't the mess that you made Could've left me just the way you found me But you came and put your wings around me You went out of your way To fix what you didn't break
Again, I think these lines are all pretty self-explanatory, and are just as accurate coming from either one of them. To me, at least, their entire dynamic is that they saved each other, in their own ways.
(But I will admit, the final verses about 'going out of your way to fix what you didn't break' are definitely conjuring up memories of Sam in the early days, literally going out of his way to visit and heal Darlin' after their fight with the two vamps. In general, his continued/repeated healing of them after they once again hurt themselves is the very literal definition of fixing what he didn't break.
But! While we may have more blatant examples of Sam being 'the fixer' so to speak, I think he'd argue that Darlin' has done plenty fixing of their own. Physical wounds aren't the only things that need healing, after all.)
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[shameless self-promo of my Sam & Darlin' playlist for those few of u interested enough to make it to the very end of this wall of text. if u liked this then u might like some of the other songs on there soooo maybe go check it out and maybe perhaps give it a follow so i can get a little serotonin boost or dopamine or whatever the chemical is that's released when Number Go Up. ...okay that's it i hope u enjoyed my fixation-induced ramblings! thank u and goodnight]
#redacted audio#redacted sam#redacted darlin#redacted playlists#redacted asmr#redactedverse#music stuff#Spotify#Seven's Blorbo Songs#<- starting a dedicated tag for these kinda posts bc i feel like there will be. Many more#gotta go dig up the few i've made in the past and retroactively tag them. they weren't as Involved as this one but i'll still include 'em#good fucking god this post got long. i started it at like 2pm and now it's almost 8. i've been locked in on blorbo analysis for 6 hours#don't ask why it took That long to make this post okay i am. very slow. but i had a good time so it's all good#there's like 10 other things i needed to spend my free time on today but this post Demanded to be made asap so here we are#i've been stewing on this song for several days since i found it and i literally had to make this post to get it out of my system#i was gonna make One Big Post to discuss the entire playlist at once but it's got 80+ songs on it by now...#and i like to Yap if u cannot tell so it literally wouldn't even all Fit in a single post. so i'll probably just do individual songs#or maybe a few per post if they all fit a certain theme and aren't enough to justify their own post#anyways i. am so very very very in love with Sam. if you. cannot tell. from the entirety of this post. and the state of my blog#about halfway thru this post i realized i perhaps should've just written a songfic but those take so much more effort and time#and i'm already editing two that'll come out later this month. with two more in the wings. so i can't afford to start another#(not Redacted fics btw sorry but in spite of the little drabble i did on this post i'm actually scared to write for this fandom)#i don't feel confident enough not to mischaracterize them. plus i'm already juggling more than i can handle anyways#anyways the drabble + this post in general probably isn't very good lmao i Should like. draft it and edit it tomorrow with fresh eyes#but i wanna go ahead and send it out into the world and just let it be. it's not that big of a deal
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we went for a drive to see the aurora borealis tonight. we had a friend on call over discord on my phone and we stopped for gas and at wendys to get drinks and even in the light-polluted city you could still make out the streaks of light in the sky and it only got brighter the further away from the city we got. we decided to go to another friend's house since she had already been sending really good pictures of the aurora to chat - we ended up staying there several hours, the entire duration of the peak, just talking about the aurora and how beautiful it was and how amazing it is that we all got to be here, alive and living, with each other to experience it with. it's like an angel or god of some kind talking to us, telling us that we're supposed to be here. at one point in the middle we were all laying in the grass and laughing with each other (I was already tearing up at how lucky I felt) when suddenly the brightest shooting star we've ever seen streaks right across the middle of the aurora. it was like a scene out of a fanfic. I basically burst in to tears. we all see it, we all exclaim and cheer and we're talking about it for the next few minutes and occasionally the rest of the night. right near the end the aurora flares up again gloriously, dancing in a million shapes across the sky - we're dancing with it in the street outside her house. we hurt our necks from staring up at it for so long. as we go to leave back home we hold each other tightly in a group hug (as we had already several times this night) and I am so, so, so genuinely grateful and fortunate and happy to exist.
#risk.txt#aurora borealis#home slice bread slice#heart eyes motherfucker#the main colors it was at first was green and purple like my sona. and then it was green and red like the autism oc ship ever.#I was having so much autism over that alone but God. Fuck#I have. so much love in my heart. this was so important#like I don't think even all this writing fully encapsulates how I'm feeling right now I don't think anything ever will#this is like the opposite of the 'I live out of spite' vent post I made a couple years back really and truly#that spite still exists but I live because I want to keep doing this with them. for as long as I can#I want to live. how crazy is that
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more resident alien posting. predictions... spoilers so beware
well. i'm upset that the shows going to have a difficult time having more serious scenes now. and that's probably what it's going to try and set itself up for.
i reaaaally would have loved to see this show do something ACTUALLY different and good. by different i mean in terms of writing and not necessarily drifting from source material. yes i'm still sour over last ep, but i wouldn't be AS sour if everyone on the show didn't treat harry and asta's relationship as "mother and child." and also if the show didn't take such a nose dive into the type of comedy it's putting out.
ALSO? IN A RECENT INTERVIEW? Sheridan going on to state that harry would lose his first """love""" (more like lust. awesome that a show trying to teach human emotion gets those two things mixed up) and then realize there's love everywhere or something? why does this feel like "weird" people are forever left to the role of outcasts. already fucked it up once i guess the guy's trying to fuck it up more. could've just left it at "he'll lose his first love, then he will have to reconcile with his feelings." but he had to drop in that last corny bit.
like. the show's source is already good. i don't understand all these decisions they're making to try and make it seem "unique." and now to get numbers back they're dumbing it way down. WHICH. BY DOING SO. HOW ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE YOUR DRAMA? like how am i supposed to take anything seriously in the show. i *could* in season 1 and parts of season 2, but now it's just whatever. it's too goofed up for me to care. and now people who love the goofy won't give two shits about whatever message you want to drop or plot you want to develop. i dont give a shit about the greys!!! i dont care what theyre doing!!!! who gives a fuck if theyll blow up the earth. none of the characters really care anymore either. oh well!!!
also, predictions kind of. i'm not trying to say this will be the be all end all but it certainly could be a turn the show takes. in one of the issues of the comic (suicide blonde i think), harry is investigating the "suicide" of a woman. by the end of the issue, he catches up with her ex-lover and ex-roommate. they were both ladies. and the girl who died had a drinking problem btw. and was constantly seeing boys. i'm all for gay couples on screen as a gay guy myself but it'll feel so cheap to pair darcy and asta together despite the way theyve been played on screen. maybe its doable. i don't know. but i genuinely could care less considering the overall tone of the show's drifted more towards a sitcom than anything else. i think the small handful of 40+ year old gay wine moms would probably love it, but the vast majority of viewers wont. either they'll hate it and say it's forced diversity (there's already people saying that about the gay couple on screen this past episode) or it'll be another nothing moment to a further nothing story. if anything it'd feel one step removed from tokenization, considering they see harry as a manchild. ableism! show's trying to seem fucking wholesome but they can't be bothered to care about their nd viewers. like "haha look we have a main gay couple!!! what do you *mean* our show has rampant ableist tropes, we have a gay couple!"
i'm just so bummed. the show's cornered itself into a sitcom so meaningful moments aren't a thing anymore. plus the comparison of harry to a child is really getting at me. like he's a grown man as a human, and hes a grown alien thing as an alien. it's such a big slap in the face to any person who cherished the witty and unique story telling of the first season... like.... i don't know.... people who would've been fans of the comic too? i have small gripes about the comic, but at least it takes itself more seriously. but the show runners haaate the people who read the comics. why? i dont know. well maybe i do know. probably seen as too nerdy and weird for their idea of the show's viewerbase. despite the fucking basis of the show being weird and nerdy.
they couldve done the darcy asta thing better if they do go down that road. i'm just saying i wouldn't be surprised. they already scared off everyone who would've cared for something like that, so i don't know how they'll manage to find an audience that cares. everything in s1 was so organic and felt real!!!!! now its just!!! nothing!!!!!!!!!!
im also thinking about the fact that after posting that one resident alien drawing i did, i've had to block tons of people because they're freaks. loud and proud conservatives. man this shit sucks.
#resident alien#ra posting#sorry this one's kind of long#i'm still mad#i'll still keep up i guess out of spite#no i'm not paying for shit either LOL#i'll also clarify that i was in a sleepy daze when reading the comic#so i could've glazed past some things or the connection i made in my sleepy daze might not make sense now#which do correct me on that#but buhhhhh#whatever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#god forbid a guy have meaningful development in a show he cares about!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#also for anyone tempted to read the comic its written by two english guys so. keep that in mind i guess.#this is alllllll making me want to make my own thing#guhh#tbvh the show took out a lot of the comics... mysticism... but then the show shat all over the work they did to make it real and charming#flanderization hit it hard#feels way more tokeny. and also harry atp is nothing more than described as a manchild#EDITTING IN THE TAGS THEY DID CALL EACH OTHER FAMILY DIDNT THEY#technically they hadnt done that yet for asta and harry on screen i dont think but the interviews are still there#god what a mess
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SPOILERS FOR FNAF MOVIE
So I got a massive spurt of inspiration due to discord friends to draw 'Cupcake is just Susie's rabies ridden Chihuahua' doodles.
Ourple man just wanted to kill a child but her handbag-sized protection unit wasnt having that. So he killed and stuffed it out of spite.
I'm chosing to believe this as canon. I'm already making Lore, you cant stop me.
#Chihuahua Cupcake AU#That's what i'm calling it now#Anyways jokes on you william you made the dog stronger#This does relate to my last fnaf post#fnaf#fnaf movie#fnaf movie spoilers#chica fnaf#mr cupcake#I'm naming the dog carl out of spite#five nights at freddys movie#five nights at freddy's movie#five nights at freddy’s#five nights at freddys#five nights at freddy's#YEAH IM STILL USING ALL THE FNAF TAGS#THIS IS RIDICULOUS????#my art#Sammy's FNaF Art#FUCK I FORGOR#william afton#purple guy#spring bonnie#ourple guy#he ourple#More on that also laterrrrr
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A BUFFY STAN?? BRO THATS SO REAL !!
(im pumpkinpie59 btw fjdkdkd)
Heck yeah, I'm a Buffy stan!! I loved "Poor Little Rich Turtle" because I loved her. Absolute crime we didn't get more of her. I am constantly haunted by the fact that I must create the content with her that I want to see. So thank you for your adorable art!!
#i wrote a post about why she and raphael could have been besties for march for raph#and one of these days i would like to write a fic about that or her interacting with any of the turtles#can't believe 87 kept introducing people they could be such good friends with and then doing nothing with them#donatello would love someone his age to talk science with#like she's actually so smart#and they pursue different fields so they could be excellent collaborators on big joint projects#but she's also a goofy kid and they all deserve more friends they can be silly with#leonardo lightens up WITHOUT a personality modifier#guys guys guys april STILL does not like her it would be SO funny if she hung out with the turtles a bunch#she'll be like#i'm gonna be their best friend just to spite this adult who does not like me#and she's so real for that okay#also i think she really respects splinter and his wisdom and i think he could be a good guide and role model for her#was not planning on writing an essay in the tags lol#thanks for getting me started XD#buffy shellhammer#tmnt 1987#tmnt#my asks#whattrainofthought
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also i'm team rinharu for the record. obviously
#shrimp thoughts#thought i started from nitorin and kind of... disliked rinharu. i don't remember if it was because i simply found some shippers obnoxious#or something else BUT i was team nitorin until... man i don't remember if i converted pre-s1e12 or even later... i started writing#(redacted) like... right before s2 started airing. i think a good chunk of why i was a nitorin person was my spite protectiveness of#nitori AND the way people kind of idk. assumed he would be a shrinking violent uke to rin's big rough seme which i took delight in flipping#god. i remember how popular aggressive top rin was pre-s1e12 AND THEN... AND THEN#during s2 i don't think you could find many rinharu shippers who thought rin topped lol. ach! the times of top bottom discourse!#ach... i lost contact with everyone from that time#ACH... THINKS BACK TO THAT ONE CATFISH SITUATION#there's still an artist who used to post cql/md/zs art whom i know and i think was once mutuals with? in the free! times#or maybe i just followed them because they were a great fanartist? idr OTL anyway i'm really happy seeing their art now because#it was already lovely and full of personality but now it's just. literal perfection AND it's still recognizable as theirs :')#omg i checked the url of a friend i had back then and not only are they still active on tumblr they have EXACTLY the same url blog name#and bio... obviously i won't reach out because WITH WHAT but i'm happy they're still here aaaa.... i hope you're happy.....
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I announced this on Mythcord as well, but I might as well put it here too. I'm going to be entirely leaving the server soon after 6 years of running it. Some of the text will be familiar to those on the server but it's not a direct copy-paste, either, and I'm definitely going to be a lot more opinionated on here. I pulled my punches on the in-server announcement but this is my personal blog.
When I started Mythcord, I was looking for something. I couldn't tell you what, exactly, just that I felt like there was some Great Big Secret, and maybe nobody had all the pieces, but maybe some people had some of the pieces, and if I brought them together in an environment specifically designed for discussion, we'd assemble enough of the pieces that I would find The Thing I Was Looking For. And hey, everyone else might find their thing too.
Which, you know, decent motivation! Not a bad plan. The problem was that the thing that I ended up discovering was absolutely contrary to what I expected, and indeed contrary to the kind of place it was.
Really I found out two things: one, I'm not otherkin. I'm nonhuman, yes, but I am not the kind of nonhuman who's described by the word otherkin. I don't see my Self as something that can be split into spiritual or psychological, voluntary or involuntary, dysphoric or non-dysphoric, serious or frivolous, meaningful or random, intrinsic or extrinsic, chosen or thrust upon me—none of it. It doesn't even feel like it applies. This is like asking what flavor the moon would be if tomorrow was Thursday. It's not something I even know how to begin to address. None of the cultural parameters that are indicated by the label otherkin make sense to me in the context of my own identity. I can see where they have meaning to others. I can't see where I would begin to apply them to myself. I am literally just whatever I am right now, because I am happiest being this, and if that changes, I'm cool with it. I'll be something else and live my best life being that.
I also picked up a second identity as a reploid and promptly fumbled my first fae identity so hard it's lost in the carpet somewhere. Possibly rolled under the couch. It exists, but fuck if I can find it. A fictional type of android has no business or indeed interest in heading a community for mythical creatures with a completely different understanding of their nonhumanity. I can't keep doing it. I actually just get upset looking at the server anymore because it has no relation to me, and that's a disservice to the community that exists there.
The second thing I discovered was that the general otherkin subcultural community I've encountered is deeply fucked up. I've only really interacted in any meaningful way via Discord (and only a few servers at that) and Tumblr, and I've stayed pretty insular. I mostly post my little essays and thoughts and I don't usually have much to say directly to anybody. And yet, even with this absolute minimum of interaction, I've been on the business end of pointless drama, poorly-attempted character assassination, people flagrantly just making up shit about me to justify treating me like some horrible villain, aggressive gatekeeping, inexplicable grudges, gossip-mongering, finding out that I live rent-free in multiple people's heads as a bogeyman both too stupid to function and somehow too threatening to go unwatched, people trying to pit the Mythcord mod team against each other evidently not realizing we're IRL friends, and that one time some ineffectual douchecanoe said he was going to kill me then completely forgot what his plan to do so was. Some of this was just by vengeful random morons, but some of it was by so-called community leaders. All of it was by people in their late 20s and older. You know, adults, who should know better.
In what universe is any of that behavior okay? And yet, if I complained about it to anybody, I got told that I probably deserved it, that they'd totally seen worse drama so I should just chill, and people absolutely and repeatedly leapt at the chance to report any little fucking thing I said back to the people perpetuating it so they could wave it around as ammunition over me because look, this guy dared to talk shit about me, he's as bad as I said! (The shit amounted to, "This is a crappy way to treat someone and I'm frustrated about it." Oh, no. I am just unforgivable, obviously.)
Like, guys, this is a goddamn problem and it is huge. This is some peaked-in-high-school, adult-mean-girls, pants-on-head-stupid bullshit. It's not normal behavior, but it is deeply normalized behavior, and you can't even call it out because it's everywhere from the top down and that's how you get completely ostracized by very loud people with follower counts in the thousands and eyes and ears everywhere. I flatly refuse to share a word or even a community with it. Even if I could justify using the otherkin label—and I probably could, if I really wanted to!—I wouldn't, because then I have to be under the tent with all that, and...no. I can't stomach it. My blood pressure and stomach issues are already medicated and do not need the extra stress. I am so over it. There is more beef than a goddamn slaughterhouse in the otherkin community and I will not have anything to do with it aside from having some friends who still use the label for themselves.
That's probably rent-lowering shots I'm firing and I know it. Most people, if they said anything at all, would have thrown this whole thing under a read more at minimum but I'm too tired of it to shut up any longer and if that loses a few followers, okay, cool. I don't want to hang around people who aren't clear-eyed enough to see the issues going on. If you stick the word 'otherkin' on a thing and people who behave that way show up and expect everyone to tolerate them, that's not okay and nobody should tolerate it. And yet. That's just how a lot of otherkin carry on. I've been upset about it for years and it just. Keeps. Happening. I am sufficiently pissed at this point that you could call me antikin and I'd agree with you purely on the rotten goddamn social issues going on.
All that being said, I am leaving Mythcord in the next several days once some backend stuff gets wrapped up, but I am still here like black mold in the walls whether anybody likes it or not, and I'm still going to be right on this blog with my little essays and thoughts. I would like to think that this post might change some things, but I don't expect it, because I don't have much reach and I'm just one guy getting mad on the internet. It's whatever. I got it off my chest and I'm moving on from the whole thing. Back to your regularly unscheduled little essays and thoughts and whatever the hell else.
(And probably changing my blog name soon because I really want something that reflects my current identity better than the current one does.)
#I will at least behave enough to not tag it. but that's it.#are there good individuals in the community? yeah! plenty of them. still friends with them too.#the bad apples are SO BAD THOUGH it is absurd.#also full disclosure that didn't fit into the original post bc I know there's a chance someone will try to pull it out as a gotcha#yes. I absolutely killed the old faekin discord that existed some years ago. that was me. on purpose. I did do that.#that was the single spiteful thing I've ever done and I will fully own up to that. it was not a cool thing to do but I did do it.#and like an adult I'm not gonna pretend it was doing anybody a favor or whatever. yeah it was a gross place for sure but#that was in fact me going out of my way to create unwarranted trouble. not proud of it but I have nothing to hide.#every single other thing you may or may not have heard? pure fucking fabrication. lmao. very cool way to treat people!#(if I were smart I'd use a different name in different social circles but I'm not smart; I'm honest. oh well.)
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storyboard progress so far for the qinter animatic :D
#qinter#it's very sketchy but hey ho#I'm still trying to figure out winter's design#I might make a version of this with the NHBK au but exams are kicking my ass at the moment#posting this on coronation day just to spite the king tbh#gay dragons in your Britain? it's more likely than you think#wings of fire#my art#wof fanart#doodles#storyboard#winter wof#qibli wof#wings of fire art
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the thing abt this website (and really, every other website and also people irl) is that you'll be introduced to a new person who seems interesting (read: has some stuff to say that you agree with), and you'll think, ooh, maybe i should follow them! and then you'll check out their blog and realize, oh, fuck, right, they're the same person who was advocating 'systematic and targeted online harassment' of people who spread a message they dislike, as though that were either an acceptable way to behave or, for that matter, an effective way to convince anyone of anything—like, hello, if you harass your enemies they will shut their ears to you and become further entrenched in their current positions! also decent people will see what you're doing and distrust you even if your cause would otherwise earn their sympathy!
#and like. it's not a group or message i endorse either! that's not the point!#anyway tbd bc this IS vagueblogging it's just like. very frustrating#i very much want to like and respect people! wish they'd let me!#(a problem with the internet is that you run into dealbreakers much faster than you can build real bonds with people)#(and so you don't forge the kinds of relationships where you can say‚ hey‚ love you but that thing you said was pernicious actually!)#(so you just quietly unfollow‚ or don't follow in the first place‚ and no one learns anything from anyone else#that isn't already dreamt of in their existing philosophy)#(love my internet pals to bits but it really is like. in many cases we're not proper talk-things-out friends)#(and where we are‚ that's really developed in spite of the prevailing internet culture‚ i feel like‚ not because of it)#(like everyone talks this big dramatic game about Mutuals but so many of those [non-]relationships are really‚ like‚ mutually parasocial)#(they like your posts and you like theirs but nary a word is ever exchanged)#(so you don't get any practice at finding middle ground and figuring out what areas of disagreement you can push back at)#(you just either always-already-agree or silently part ways)#(anyway. these tags took a turn lmao)#(i'm just very conscious that this aspect of internet culture is not serving me)#(but like. what do you do about it?)#(still follow the person you think said something totally wrongheaded bc irl you wouldn't have been aware they'd said it?)#(maybe that IS where you start but like. then you end up with a dash that stresses you the fuck out‚ probably! so that's not the end of it.#(anyway.)#(sigh.)
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again and again i find myself lamenting that audio roleplay isn't taken more seriously by some people. like yeah, they often have a romantic element, and by nature they usually directly involve/address the listener- and i totally get that those things aren't to everyone's taste. no art or entertainment is universally appealing, and that's okay! but.. it still makes me a lil sad that the "cringe" reputation of asmr/audio rp precedes it. there's a whole lot of talent and creativity being poured into these audios by so many people that i feel goes unrecognized and/or disrespected simply due to the medium that the stories are being told through.
#this post brought to you by: me bingeing Sam & Darlin's entire storyline over the past few days and having a Lot of feelings abt it#asmr#audio roleplay#rp audio stuff#redacted audio#anyways i don't have a conclusion to this post. and i'm not Mad or Upset or anything i'm just thinkin' out loud#and i mean it's not like it doesn't get plenty of praise within its respective audience bc it does. at least for the more popular creators#but i feel it'll still always have the shadow of its cringe reputation looming over it#which makes it hard for some ppl to openly appreciate or share with others that aren't already fans of the medium#like do u know how many comments i've seen along the lines of 'this is great but i'd die if anyone knew i liked this kinda stuff' ?? :(#idk maybe i feel strongly about it bc i'm a self-insert fanfic writer. and i feel like the two have a lot in common. including a bad rep.#like. not every audio will be well-written or produced and neither will every fanfic. but that doesn't mean it's a less legitimate artform#and i'm lucky to have never (yet) received negative comments on my work. but that doesn't mean that it doesn't make me sigh when people-#-say shit like 'this reads like fanfiction' as a way of calling something bad. or other similar sentiments that make the same implication#and i wouldn't be surprised if audio creators feel the same way when they encounter certain comments or statements#like. those YT videos where ppl will 'try bf asmr for the first time' or whatever and it's just 20 mins of cringing and over-reacting? eugh#tbf i haven't watched many bc why do that to myself. so Maybe there's some that are respectful but still. imagine getting roasted like that#and yes yes i know that by posting stuff online you're inadvertently sighing up to be criticized by Anyone but still. man. i dunno#i'm going on a tangent but my point is. i'm grateful for the creators that still make their art in spite of the public's perception of it#bc some of the most impactful emotional experiences i've ever gained from fiction took place in audio rp and i'm so serious abt that.#anyways. this post almost feels like i'm 'making up a person to be mad at' but i promise it's not that serious i'm just yapping. mostly.#certainly not trying to start any kind of debate or anything either i just have a lot of fixation-induced energy and nowhere to put it#this is Eric's fault (/lh) for cooking Sam up in a lab catered exactly to my taste and making Darlin' waaaaay too painfully relatable#but it's also My fault for bingeing the Inversion /and/ the Quinn arc /and/ the Summit all within a couple days. but i can't help myself#feels like i've run an emotional marathon. triathlon. The Emotional Olympics if u will. i'm feeling Everything#who knew that beating the shit out of ur fictional abuser could feel so goddamn cathartic! it's a nice replacement when u can't do it irl#anyways i'm off on a tangent again. thanks for coming to my TED Talk i'm gonna crawl back in my hole now#actually i'm gonna go relisten to a few audios. as Research for my Sam & Darlin' playlist as well as a post i'll be making about it soon#u Know i've got it bad when i not only make a playlist but start Posting on here about the songs that remind me of them. i'm cooked guys.
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I saw your tierlist! love the blackbright (Blackquill x Fulbright) appreciation!! your tierlist is actually pretty swag, but I do have like one question and that is how come you don't get junithena (Juniper x Athena?) just curious!
(also I feel like you probably know these ship names so it's weird for me to add the explanations but I'm doing it anyway just in case)
(I had typed out a whole response right. and Tumblr. and Tumblr Ate It. In front of my Eyes. It even Said so. so you are Spared with this being a bit more Brief since I have to retype Everything . as it did not have the Kindness to save it as a Draft 👹)
(Also I do know These Ones at least but I do Appreciate it . I think ship names are a Little Goofy sounding though so I tend not to use them but I will take this into account in Tagging things 👍)
But Glad to hear my takes are Swag 😎 of course I gotta appreciate the Silly Guys (as I like refer to them . like it's my own Ship Name for these guys) I Mourn the Hilarious dynamic and Interesting things they Could've had if Dual Destinies didn't Hate Me In Particular. Curse You Dual Destinies. Guess I have to do it Myself 🙄 (Lighthearted Statement)
Anyways I realize that I put it Juniper x Athena in the wrong tier (Classic me mixing things up and only realizing it in Retrospect moment) I do Understand why people would ship them - on a surface level, y'know they're childhood friends, have Nicknames and all that Jazz. Not for me though. (So it would have been the Yellow Tier) But to Elaborate:
It's a disconnect I have with Juniper as a character -- it soured her dynamic with Athena for me. There's something about Juniper's portrayal, in conjunction with some of her actions that just rubbed me the wrong way. The vibes were off, shall we say. (I wrote a bit as to why but Uh….. It got sent to the Ether. Thanks Tumblr. I might go into it Another Day)
I guess I'll just say Turnabout Academy didn't really convince me that the characters were good friends -- even though that was The Point? I dunno (my Ability to word my points has Gone down the Drain 💀)
Point Being: Certain aspects of Juniper's whole deal impacted how I saw their dynamic Which didn't exactly lend itself to Romance in my eyes (Outside the fact Juniper is Canonically waxing Poetically about how Apollo makes her feel like she's Photosynthesizing Lmao) and I'm just not a Huge Juniper Fan as she exists in canon. Love her Design though 👍
#ace attorney#not going to tag the ship I think that would just be a little Rude on my end . Not my cup of tea but if others enjoy it That's fine 👍#I'm Kind of Unsure what I am supposed to tag here though . Classic Me still being Confused about tags 💀 some things never change#I guess I can see some sort of one sided strong loyalty on Athena's end towards Juniper . I just don't see it being reciprocated really#kind of just became a post revealing that I Don't Like Juniper all that much . whoops I Forgot the Romance Aspect#problem with her is that she didn't Amuse Me enough to distract from the bad writing . which is the Most Important Thing 🙄 (<-Lighthearted)#I like my own interpretation of Juniper but it kind of Veers off the Rails of the Canon's Intents by a wide margin#“my interpretation” is just me saying I've been attempting to rewrite the entirety of Dual Destinies out of Spite#only way to cope with this game#Dumping From The Parasol
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